#I don't think I need to finish myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Save a horse
#I don't think I need to finish myself#GAWWDDDDD#I don't play honkai nor am I in the fandom#but after this.......maybe I will#I want him so bad#like#you don't realize how much I am stimming on the other side of this screen#CAUSE ITS CRAZY#also some people call him malecchino (male arlecchino)#and because of that I will now be drawing them as siblings#why?... because its iconic. And I love to do iconic shit/ref#hope Tumblr wont put me down for this#Pleasetumblrpleaseplease#honkai star rail#hsr#boothill hsr#boothill
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
317 notes
·
View notes
Text
EVERY REASON (that i can think of) AS TO WHY TURBO/KING CANDY IS NEURODIVERGENT 💥💥
i would like to make a disclaimer first and foremost about the obvious, being that Turbo/King Candy is heavily implied to have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). Very often, characters with these disorders are portrayed as villains, and Turbo is no exception to this. There's nothing wrong with antagonistic characters having said disorders, per se, but when the only representation available for people with these conditions are found in characters you're not supposed to root for, it can be really disheartening. i won't be erasing these parts of him because i feel it would be in poor taste to gloss over those core elements of who he is, but plz keep in mind that having any kind of personality disorder doesn't make anyone inherently evil!!!🌞 your ACTIONS make you, not your brain
Also if anyone has any suggestions or other ideas for his neurodiversity, i would love to hear them! please do share!! I LOVE PSYCHOANALYZING CHARACTERS AND HEARING OTHER PEOPLE PSYCHOANALYZE THEM !!!! YAY🎉 if u agree or disagree with any of my points I'd love to discuss them further :-]
without further ado... click read more to find out…😈 be ready for a lot of reaches
💥 ADHD 💥
STIMMING
Turbo's constantly moving around in some way; he's a very expressive character! even as King Candy, he can't seem to conceal his frequent giggling. it's a big habit of his; he seems to do it involuntarily to regulate himself, including when he's nervous or uncomfortable.
he seems to display other repetitive behaviors as well, like doing his iconic thumbs-up pose, sticking out his tongue, or hopping around gleefully. he is but a jovial court jester..
i personally like to think that his phrases, "Turbo-tastic!" and "Have some candy!" are vocal stims of his, although i equally really love the interpretation that these (and the aforementioned stims) are tics :-]
another headcanon; i think it would make a lot of sense for him to have an oral fixation of some sort (ignoring the whole sigmund freud part of the term ermm...); just lots of biting, chewing, needing to have something in his mouth. It would align with the whole idea that he smokes, too
HYPERACTIVITY
we can clearly see throughout the film that Turbo has a lot of energy, made abundantly clear by his mannerisms and general behavior. he's constantly moving, using exaggerated expressions and gestures to communicate + express himself. He's one of the most animated and bouncy characters in the movie, next to Vanellope! it's silly how a character not very grounded in reality is such a threat, but i suppose that's what makes him so threatening in the first place...
another factor in this is how he is very adrenaline-seeking, craving activities that give him a rush (sugar rush...😂😂). more on that in a bit!!
HYPERFIXATION
Turbo's fixation with winning is all-consuming for him; it's an obsession. he doesn't appear to care about much else, if anything besides it. this could be interpreted as a hyperfixation for him (or special interest if ur all about that autism lifestyle), as it overtakes all of his focus and impedes every process of his mind.
it's clear that racing is much more than a passion for him, and while that fact is due to how he was programmed, it's a major character trait of his regardless that could be correlated to neurodivergence.
HYPERFOCUS
There seems to be a big theme of "all or nothing" when it comes to Turbo. he will either be fully dedicated to something or brush it aside without a second thought. it can't be denied that he fully wraps himself up in what he wants, whether it's a conflict he can't let go of or a new pursuit he's hungrily chasing after.
ultimately, his dedication varies depending on if it is relevant to him and his interests or not, but this aspect of him still shares patterns with neurodivergent thought processes.
INSTANT GRATIFICATION
Seeing as he has a tendency to cheat in his use of code to spawn in whatever his heart desires, it can be assumed that this could do with Turbo wanting instant gratification to fill that bitter, empty void inside of him. while this could simply be brushed aside as greed and his belief that he is obligated to have access to whatever he wants, this trait is consistent with his generally dopamine-seeking behavior and wanting to be instantly rewarded by his actions. His obsession with needing to feel good directly relates to his need for another buzz, constantly after the next rush. (a sugar rush if you will☺☺☺)
ADRENALINE-SEEKING
Closely related to the previous speculation, Turbo always seems to be chasing his next high. he loves the thrill of action and being surrounded by crowds of people below him. it's why his big thing is racing! people cheer him on, he can do whatever he wants, he can go really fast and look cool..
it's possible that a big aspect of why he does this is to distract himself from any kind of pain, because pain = vulnerability. bro does NOT know how to independently cope with his own problems.. HE MAD AS HELLLLL!!! 😂😂
STRUGGLE WITH SELF CARE
(i know this is reaching but bear with me... 🐻) going off of his appearance and tendency to make poor decisions, it can be gathered that this man lacks skill in the self care department. his yellowing teeth and sunken eyes not only serve to complement his design, but also give way to the idea that he neglects himself in favor for whatever weird scheme he's up to.
of course, Turbo does prioritize himself above everyone else, but he doesn't strike me as the type to care much about how others think he smells. him being a bother to anyone isn't a concern of his. he cares about whatever gets him the most praise and attention from as many people as possible, which is winning and racing. Who cares about how clean he is when he's up on a podium holding a shiny, golden trophy, anyway?
It's likely that he had to step his game up when he went under disguise as king candy, which is why he looks well-groomed in comparison to his more corpse-like appearance. Ugly hoe. it can also be assumed that he's had more time to focus on himself because everyone loves him without question... Well, except for Vanellope, but who cares about her, right?
also, i know he makes a condescending comment to Ralph about how bad his breath smells, but it's made abundantly clear that Turbo is a massive hypocrite. his comment doesn't erase the possibility that he has suffered from such "halitosis" as well.
💥 ANXIETY 💥
GENERAL ANXIOUS BEHAVIOR
i know, i know, this could technically be chalked up to be "Turbo is nervously giggling and shit because he's scared of getting caught," but guys. g
even in the flashback scene, we can see how easily stressed he can become in an alarmingly short period of time. he is extremely insecure, therefore i am led to believe he is not only emotionally dysregulated, but also by extension, anxiety ridden.
yes, this is purely speculative, but who's to say that he wasn't like this before? being high-strung and intense are significant facets of his personality consistently portrayed throughout the film. as long as he is getting exactly what he wants, he is happy; the moment he loses even a blip of control, however, he immediately grows extremely tense.
if Turbo wasn't anxious about his disguise as King Candy before, he was anxious about how much attention he was receiving on a given day. if not that, then he'd be anxious over how he presents himself. He hates how he can't control how other people perceive him, which is why he is constantly trying to act like he's better than he is.
its why he justifies his behavior to himself, proudly making others refer to him as the "rightful ruler" of sugar rush and relishing in the attention of his countless underlings. Any secure and stable person would NOT ACT LIKE THIS!!!!😭😭😭
FIGHT OR FLIGHT
As we can see a handful of times on screen, Turbo's instinct to protect himself is very easily activated.
his fear manifests in anger and aggression. we can see at multiple points how easy it is to upset him or fluster him; his anger is one side of the same coin, the opposite end being his fear and paranoia.
Going off of this point, have you noticed that Turbo is either satisfied or furious without much of an in-between? how the second something isn't under his manipulation, he lashes out and fights back? I'm led to believe that this is how he responds to fear (AAUAAYAUUUUGGHHH 🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡🐡). This guy is so against the idea of being vulnerable, that even when afraid, he will utilize violence to regain his dominance over the situation at hand.
CONTROL + PARANOIA
Turbo's always trying to writhe or fight his way out of uncomfortable situations, unable to exist outside of his comfort zone for seconds at a time.
his defensive, paranoid, and controlling behavior are all reflections of how deeply insecure this man is. He feels such an intense need for everything to go exactly how he expects it to go that the moment he senses any kind of threat, he instantly jumps to defend himself and what he feels that he has "earned," regardless of whether there truly is a threat or not.
this could potentially be a coping mechanism for his anxiety and sense of stability; can't forget to mention how territorial he is!! he jumps to conclusions about what others' intentions are before they even get a chance to reply, as seen with his first encounter with Ralph in the movie.
the racer is so internally discombobulated that he seeks any sense of stability on his environment, including on those around him. his sense of self is so warped that he copes with constant distraction; being under the spotlight, being actively racing, having to be showered with attention, having others make him feel good because he doesn't know how to do it for himself. he needs to feel like everything is under control, lest everything falls apart.
"...if there's ONE thing I can't abide, it's ANYTHING out of order!"
💥 NPD 💥
INFLATED SENSE OF SELF IMPORTANCE
Turbo's most in-your-face trait above all else. It's made more than crystal clear in every scene he's in that his arrogance is a determining factor in how he interacts with others. This is exactly what drives him to desperately crave admiration, to chase after others he's envious of because he thinks he is obligated to take what they have.
he seems to genuinely think he is entitled to get whatever he wants, just because he is inherently "special" or "better" than everyone else. Why else would he have made himself a king, a step above princess?
EXCESSIVE NEED FOR ADMIRATION
Turbo's self worth is COMPLETELY dependent on the opinions of children and teenagers. I think i don't need to say any more than that, but i will. (Evil).
As cartoonishly massive as his ego is, i think that it's fair to assume that Turbo has a very unstable sense of self, distorting his perception of his own worth down with it. his near-constant flaunting and need to be the best is a dead giveaway to his deeply-ridden self-doubt. The foundation of his stability is built around how "good" he is (at racing and winning), how powerful he is, whether or not he is being prioritized above everyone else, whether or not he is the absolute best, etc. etc.
The racer outright manipulates others to shower him with admiration and undeserved appreciation. He is incapable of forming a true sense of internal value, instead heavily and codependently relying on others to form it for him. if he isn't the best, he may as well just be nothing.
INTENSE JEALOUSY
He reacts so severely to what he perceives as others taking away what is rightfully his that it only goes to solidify my previous points even further. the second someone else is getting more attention than him, Turbo will bend over backwards to rip back the praise he believes he so rightly deserves.
being extremely competitive, he will one-up against anyone he thinks of as a threat, dedicating himself to taking them down to the best of his ability, and making sure they STAY down to top it all off.
INABILITY TO HANDLE CRITICISM
if we really dissect the entire one-off joke with Turbo insisting that his stolen pink castle is actually "salmon," along with all of his other domineering behaviors, we can garner that he is very persistent in how he wants others to view him. i wholeheartedly believe that this would translate into him not only being defensive over his supposed "ownership" of Sugar Rush, but also over himself and his own insecurities.
He needs to feel good about himself or else he will die and quite literally try to kill everyone.
LACK OF EMPATHY
He appears to have a fondness for making jokes in very poor taste. Turbo has a big sense of humor, but it's always at the expense of others. Be it a pun about a "fungeon," or jumping to protect himself with a joke about "hitting a guy with glasses," he has a tendency to take serious situations very lightly. It's not that he's unaware of the weight of it; he simply doesn't take it Seriously.
its admittedly impressive how he was able to feign empathy so well for Ralph; it goes to show how he is very capable of understanding that what he's doing is wrong, but ultimately does nothing to change his behavior because it doesn't impact him personally.
i would like to honor this part of him, because even in the possible alternate path of a redemption arc, his struggle with empathy can be explored in a variety of interesting ways :-] he can understand complicated emotions and situations on an analytical level, but he doesn't feel for them unless it has to do with him specifically. (this obviously doesn't make him inherently evil, his ACTIONS make him evil)
💥 ASPD 💥
LACK OF REMORSE/GUILT
One of Turbo's core characteristics is just how far he is willing to go for his own self-interest with lack of regard for how it impacts everyone else. he has absolutely no concern for how anyone else feels besides himself, willing to go so far as to attempt to mutilate a 9-year-old to achieve his petty goals.
Turbo is shameless when it comes to how he goes about getting his way. While I'd like to believe he isn't fully incapable of feeling regret, he doesn't showcase feeling it in the movie itself. The most regret he'll feel is when he slips up and exposes himself. anything else is the fault of everyone else; he is untouchable in his eyes.
DECEITFUL TENDENCIES + LYING
Where do i even start with this one.
well, first of all, let's acknowledge the... erm, horse? in the room? 🐎😅(Please someone help me there is a horse in my room help helphel) being that Turbo went under disguise as King Candy for at least a decade. Even before this, there's a good chance that he's already had plenty of experience with lies and manipulation. i'd be willing to bet on this!!
one of his specialties is being proficient in manipulation, be it the code of games or the minds of people. theyre basically the same thing to him, anyway... I'm sure you all know the scene where he uses 16 manipulation tactics against Ralph and wins. this was Obviously not the first time he'd done this.
REPETITION OF HARMFUL BEHAVIORS
Time and time again, Turbo can't seem to help himself when it comes to poor decision-making. he never internalizes that his bad choices aren't JUST bad for others, but also for himself, continuing to escalate further and further into very dangerous behaviors until he literally dies.
Here's a list of bad decisions he has made! (at least, that we know of)
Pinning himself above his peers
Harassment + stalking
Carelessly charging through GCS with his car, endangering countless civilians
Attempting to take over a game that isn't his x2
Vehicular manslaughter
Implied mass murder + attempted murder, attempted mutilation
Mass endangerment
Breaking and entering, theft, usurpation, plagiarism
and more!!!!!!!
AND HE LEARNS FROM ABSOLUTELY NONE OF THIS!!! with some of the items listed here, he's attempted to do multiple times! Absolute buffoon.
RECKLESS DISREGARD FOR SAFETY OF SELF AND OTHERS
Considering how he was willing to charge into a game that wasn't his own with the awareness that it could permanently kill him, going as far as to recklessly crash into another car (albeit it's possible this was unintentional), it's easy to gather that he doesn't seem to consider anyone's safety at all in the spur of the moment.
IMPULSITIVITY
his impulsivity and disregard for safety both go hand-in-hand. When it gets to a certain point, Turbo's emotions will boil over and blow up in a cold rage, thus causing him to spiral and act on impulse, becoming a detrimental force to himself as well as everyone around him.
What's interesting is how much restraint he is capable of; he typically is very strategic in how he orchestrates his plans! but once he reaches his breaking point, he snaps and leaves all of his hard work behind in favor of something that calls for his immediate attention.
💥 ETC. 💥
extra tidbits i didnt have enough energy to fully delve into :-]
BPD
Fear of abandonment
Blurry sense of identity
Feelings of emptiness
Self destructive tendencies
Emotional instability
Explosive anger
ODD (oppositional defiant disorder)
He seems so infatuated with his own autonomy that he gets to the point of being resistant and defiant
Resisting against the rules of the world that he directly caused as a result of his own actions, being that one shouldn't "go Turbo."
Enjoys upsetting/getting a rise out of others. this is more speculative as i am going off of the assumption that he thinks pissing people off is funny, based on his other behavioral patterns. (cruel sense of humor, wanting to feel above others via control & manipulation, enjoyment of inflicting pain onto others)
Forcefully defends himself and refuses any kind of criticism
Lashes out when he feels slighted
Excessive persistence despite all odds, whether it's beneficial to him or not
ok bye!! thank you if you managed to read this far ^^ peace and love take care of yourself! all in all turbo is so neurodivergent ok please Okay <3 get this thing his meds
#flashing lights#<- ??#eyestrain#smoking mention#obligatory i don't support disney ⚠️#ITS FINALLY DONE OHHHH DEAR GOARD!!!!! I DID IT#i am COOKING SO hard#I HATE TURBO.#you have no idea what kinds of agony i had to undergo to make this post. i went thru more than the average veteran#accidentally posted this entire thing THREEEE TIIIIMES before it was finished and lost the drafts in the process. we persevere....#the people need to know about why turbo is neurodivergent(IMPORTATNT!!!)!!!!(!!!!!!!)#yeah yeah he did a lot of bad things but turbo is neurodivergent it wasnt his fault! its ok guys!#watch me kin him and ship myself with him at the same time#long post#character analysis#turbo#turbo wir#turbo wreck it ralph#king candy#king candy wir#king candy wreck it ralph#im melting him with a magnifying glass on the concrete until he is but a small grimy stain#Gyys start licking...... we can still save him#Hes a chew toy to me. Or stress toy.#Sorry ok ok ill stop rambling he just makes me sillayy🤪#ok i lied. whenever i think about him too hard i start shaking#churning him into a thick paste to spread onto a sandwich of sorts. tastes like old gummy sweets & diesel fuel with a hint of cigarette ash#i love being long winded and going on and on and on about stupid little assholes liek this guy#the countless essays i have written about him. u have no idea#wreck it ralph
212 notes
·
View notes
Text
something i promised on my kofi 6 months ago... 🫠
#sorry for people who has been asking for commission and finding me very unresponsive#literally i don't feel ready mentally ; i think the '6 months' is self-explanatory#frieren: beyond journey's end#fern#sousou no frieren#fanart#frieren at the funeral#actually it was 1.5 years ago; i was supposed to be drawing other character that time#but for 9 months i didn't manage to make myself sit down & finish it; so 6 months ago i re-asked if the person wanted other character#bcs i thought i need to re-start fresh & maybe the person's interest had changed#ko fi#when drawing for money sometimes u sit down & just stop 'working' entirely ; like ur will goes blue screen & refuse to do it#because it's / work / and u have to be more meticulous ; it gives u all the extra pressure#tho i like to have the money again.... but i'll start studying again soon; and i'll need to do my best on this one i think#drawing has always been a distraction on my study so maybe it is a good thing if my drawing drive dies down for a good while#tho not drawing at all also stress me out; finger crossed for good life balance#I CAN'T BELIEVE POPULAR TAG SHOWING THAT PEOPLE ALSO KNOW IT AS 'FRIEREN AT THE FUNERAL'. THAT SOUNDS WAY TOOOO DEPRESSINGGGG.....😭😭😭😭
276 notes
·
View notes
Text
I hope this isn't weird but I've been reading this by @batmanisagatewaydrug and I had like the sudden, strongest urge to make art properly for the first time in ages, so uhhhh have some Jessie (or Jess? Can I call her Jess because I love her?) who is a terrible wet cat of a woman!
I wanted to get this done fast and human anatomy is not my forte so I traced a picture of Natalie in the City, who's a fashion blogger and has some cute fits, though no supervillain ones as far as I'm aware :3
#ham art#i think jessie lies wetly fixed my art block?#after i started this it motivated me to finish off a little comic that's been in my drafts forever and post it and i've got anime fanart#rotating in my mind now! :D maybe i'll even finish off my valentine's unburied art from last year#also i know the tiny underboob window's wrong because she wears a bra that would render that salacious little bit of skin invisible#but i just could not resist#i hope i've done her justice!#jessie is the coolest and awfulest and i love her she's so fun to read thank u op#also i've come to the realization that if i'm just having fun drawing i don't actually have to do the parts that aren't fun i can skip that#if i find drawing human proportions and perspective in general stressful and just wanted to do the fun outfits and face/makeup and hair#i can do that! this is like. a hobby. so i don't need to laboriously force myself to get better at anatomy if i don't wanna#also also i was so pleased that i guessed ricochet's colouring correctly on the first try! (except i missed the freckles)
110 notes
·
View notes
Text
experimenting
closeups below:
#bleeeh#i'd like to experiment with digital art more because i feel like it's been boring lately#i haven't been able to finish much of anything#and personally traditional art is more fun for me but i don't have a good quality camera LMAO#i think i'd like to do some art studies sometime. i have some inspirations and if i ever get the time i really need to sit down#and ask myself “what do i REALLY want out of my art style?”#but yeah. have this. one step at a time!!!!#in stars and time#isat siffrin#in stars and time siffrin#sir dahlia's art#eyestrain#<- adding this just in case
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
💪💙🎵
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 screenshots#show us your sims#holocene.png#hlcn: sehee#so erm fun fact i'm telling another sims story#although idk if i'm gonna post about it at the moment or at all#i mean i am *likely* to talk about it but i'm keeping the writing part to myself for now i think#don't worry i'm still 100% posting and finishing grant's story!! i just need to work on some other stuff as well for my sanity#but ngl this story DOES tie back to the main one anyway#i am nothing if not predictable#btw i need a girl this like so bad#jk (i am not at all jk)
76 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm just getting more upset as the day goes on. Like yeah obviously it was always a possibility but it was equally so also a possibility that they would just release it! It was schrodinger's queer figure skating movie!
#Yuri on Ice#ice adolescence#walking to work now trying to keep myself from getting too upset so i don't cry during my annual review#'what do you think you accomplished this year‚ rae?'#'i never finished my yoi wips and they haunt me daily and i was counting on i:a to give me the boost i needed to finish them'
114 notes
·
View notes
Text
still working on tweening and etc but small self-indulgent sneak peek hehe
#my art#wip#bocchiposting#i wholly underestimated the amount of tweening needed and the amount of layers#originally i wanted to cover the entire song with parts for kita and bocchi#but given my current health condition + having work i think i'll just finish small chunks first and then see how much i can do b4 school#i can definitely finish the intro but i really want to draw in bocchi for a specific part sdjfhdskfjks#unfortunately i currently have the constitution of a sick victorian child! Any stress or strain sends me to the bed!#so i cannot crank this out within 5 hours like i used to be able to#the song is mesmerizer obv credits to that#it really has been a process of oh im just gonna do something small for fun oh no this needs more for a better streamline#halfway through i was like. would this have been easier if i just used. live 2d. probably. but i am too far in.#i need a good video editor program so bad but all the tutorials online are for AE and i do not have the money for that </3#and the next best option is apparently blender and i've done a few tutorials but i have never been able to retain the information <3#the learning curve is seriously hard and i don't have the time for that either </3 time is money fr#i tell myself to not feel guilty for drawing when i could be studying bc this is needed <3 this is self indulgent <3#self care!!!!!! rahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!#kk rambles
52 notes
·
View notes
Note
how does Hearse come up with wot to draw?? how can i get more creative TToTT
TOUGH QUESTION how do i explain the way i functioned for longer than i remember myself qwq
if we are talking. about the sheer volume of things you make. TO BE HONEST I AM DRAWING FOR MYSELF because it's generally easier for me to just make what i want to see. for example i want to see art and comic with han brothers - i plan out things, talking them over with friends until there is enough meat on the bones for me to make it happen. and who cares if it's Super Unique (even to my own gallery) - if i want it, i should make it. i want a lot of things. so i draw a lot of things.
other part is just talking about whatever i guess. :D i have - well, not a lot of, but - some thoughts on, for example, creation of art, connection. remembering names of people who'd leave sooner or later. watching someone leave etc etc. and they happen to work for certain characters. to me all the black and white comics, for example, feel the same - all mourning, grief and loneliness, but you ask about being creative so clearly you shouldn't trust yourself if you start feeling the same! :D
if we are talking technical part, i make sketches or write things down whenever i have A Thought? they all go to the future folder, from which i then either pick something to finish or discard/repurpose for something else. i draw almost every day but that's because i can physically and have time for it, i love every part of the process and made it a habit since high school, i don't think i ever spent more than few days in a row not drawing. but that might not be an option for everyone, which is honestly fine. you probably should not compare yourself to tumblr user hehearse, 28, unemployed NDNFHFJF
tldr. write down or draw things that come to mind for future use. drag your own thoughts out and find where they fit. and make whatever you yourself want to see because you'll get addicted. who else could make something perfect for you if not you yourself ^^
#hm.... my answer might work for big lyrical sets of pictures which#might not be the go to for the majority of people. ops?#but honestly. the answer is i am haunted by visions and cannot stop thinking about The Characters#speaking of drawing for future reference#the parody of an embrace thingy i did draw half blind and half asleep#and then decided i don't even need to finish it#so. a perfect crime if i may ^^#anyway. sorry if that answer did not help#i can't even say i consider myself creative#just productive. quantity over quality and all that MDNDJDK
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
I still love you (Song: Still in Love with You by Deeps)
#scum villian self saving system#svsss#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#qijiu#79#Wow I have not posted on the webstie in a hot minute#I also keep forgetting this acc is the one with the kira theme#I haven't drawn a jojo in a long time#but yknow I still love him quite a bit#In any case I finally finished this animation! wow! I'm very happy hehe I hope you all enjoy#I really gotta feed myself when it comes to Qi ge#I just don't really like how he's always the background character or a yandere if he's in the main light#can't I just have a sad and pathetic little guy? can't I just enjoy his guilt complex? I understand he has potential for yandere-isms#but you cannot deny that he is truly a coward and so so so mired in his own guilt I don't think he'd really be a good yandere due to that#but also because he's just a guy alsgkhal I said he has potential but honestly? I think its the kind to stay theoretical yknow#Anyways I just really like him and I need to feed myself so here I am#I'm really bad at searching for fandom content I usually just... have it fed to me cause the internet stalks me yknow? so Idk how to find#the qi ge content I want ah... unless its fics ha I'm scouring the ao3s I'm on page 134 on the scum villain fic search results I'm lookin'#anyways enjoy I'm gonna spend another 84 years making a new animation peace!
170 notes
·
View notes
Text
boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
39 notes
·
View notes
Note
okay I think it might skirt a bit past the 500 word limit but for the ask meme: the temple of the fallen sun scene from chapter 6 of epilogue fic, because it HAUNTS me and it's so excellently done. plz share and and all of your authorial thoughts/takes/secrets/truths!
CHAPTER 6 MY BELOVED.
I feel like I could probably talk for hours about this entire chapter because it's such a Huge Thing in my mind.
I wish I could say it was one of the driving scenes for writing this fic but it's just... not. It was almost an afterthought when I wrote it but now it's so. Central.
I almost even gave the chapter a name. Which is not something I wanted to do for this fic. But. Okay I digress. (I'm so long-winded all the time help.) Let's get into the The Scene.
(Oh my god I typed so much. I typed so much. I can't shut up. HUGE Wall of text under the read more.)
So, to preface I actually had some difficulty wrangling Jace and Porter to where they needed to be. There were some diversions I was going to do before this scene (including expanding on Jace's flashback to his... storied past).
But after some screaming and crying I realized that bridging the "sweet" scene of Jace and Porter hiking through the woods would be best bridged with "actual" Porter interacting with Jace. To add to the foreboding tone.
But this comes to this line:
To Ankarna, he thinks, the god he should worship. The god he won’t.
At this point, we know Jace is dreaming so it's time for his "meta" knowledge to come in. He knows he's about to die. He knows why (?) and he knows the goddess. (Also, this line is totally foreshadowing some upcoming choices and some choices already made.) I love this line. Jace has all this knowledge about his past and could so easily apply it to the present and he's kind of evasive about it when he's awake to this point. But here in the dream, where he has Porter again he can be so direct. He won't worship her. He is with the man who is about to kill him, but in this space he can be so truthful.
Then we cut into Jace speaking, saying these snarky little quips to Porter that we and Jace have context for:
“Romantic,” Jace says flatly. “Why are we here, Porter?”
And this little exchange
“Tragedies happened here,” Porter says, voice quiet, like an impending storm. “Took a lifelong bond and sundered it because their wife couldn’t handle the costs of conquest. Of war.” “Alarming; again, tell me why you decided here was a good idea to take me for… what did you call it? Oh, right. A date?”
All of us witnessing this moment have such horrible context for this. Including Jace! But we also know that the Jace of the past ignored these warning signs. Porter briefly mentions Cassandra's divorce as a warning: You are not doing that to me. I'm going to become this awful raging God, but you are not leaving me.
And Jace hand-waves it. I purposefully did not describe Jace's physical reaction to it, because it takes away some of his agency in a sense. We do not see if he rolls his eyes, if he shifts away from Porter, or if he moves closer. Jace, despite his knowledge, despite that this is his dream, does not get to say no to Porter wanting him to stay in this moment. That steel trap of devotion? It's already snapped shut. You are the tragic lover.
Then, we immediately set into the follow through. Jace does not get action, but Porter does. And what does he do after the acknowledgement that this romantic getaway is alarming?
He grabs Jace. He walks them to the altar: Both marriage altar and sacrificial altar. I have Porter move a lot in this chapter and Jace is mostly experiencing this standing still. Porter's moving the plot, he's got the tempo, Jace is just caught in the storm (in the story).
Then we get to some more Menacing Porter dialogue which. I will admit, I get a lot of how I write Porter from Hannibal Lecter himself from NBC Hannibal. He is deliberate, he is creepy. I actually do picture Porter as having high charisma, he just doesn't think of how he uses it so he just sounds like, well:
“Told you,” Porter says, he presses Jace onto the stone, hands grasping hard enough to bruise. He reaches one hand up, to grab Jace’s jaw. He pants into the touch, wriggles on the stone. “You can’t leave me again, sweetheart. Everything,” he drawls against Jace’s throat, “hinges on this. Plan like this has to have vows.”
This paragraph haunts me. I love it. It is everything I want Porter to be in this fic: Menacing, dangerous, but also... maybe a bit enticing? You can see this for the red flag it is, but if you've been lonely for so long and haven't been able to make connections... it's almost flattering? Here's this man that you perceive as someone who could have anyone (he makes sure you know that) but he chooses you? It's bad, it's scary, it's not something you should want but. BUT.
Also, I need to shout out this line:
Porter had kissed him that day as if he never quite believed Jace was giving him everything.
Because we don't get insight into Porter, but I think this line is damning for Porter. He is obsessed with Jace, he is sure that Jace is as obsessed with him; but there's that... doubt. I've established by now that Jace has left Porter multiple times. We never know why. But I think this line gives you a little taste, maybe, of what this horrible egomaniac feels underneath his toxic masculinity bravado. He has feelings for Jace and this murder he is going to commit comes back to this: He doesn't believe Jace. There is no trust in what he cannot control here.
But okay, back on track. We see Jace give into this and Jace also sees himself give into it:
As the memory washes over him, the heaviness of Porter’s tongue in his mouth, his palm on his arching spine, he remembers loving it. (He misses it.) After the cold loneliness that had gripped him for months as he researched and did everything Porter wouldn’t—to be greeted with such heat. With such longing. Jace loved it.
Jace even calls himself stupid for it. He gave himself to this dangerous man and he's like. I didn't stop it. (I enjoyed it.) He has this feeling that maybe he could have stopped the motion of things, but now that he's resurrected and watching it happen he has two distinct feelings on it: You are absolutely stupid for falling for this AND I miss him and everything horrible (and everything good) that came with it. He misses that unhealthiness, the danger. But he also just misses Porter (but we don't get to reconcile that right now).
And then we get to see into Jace's own view on things. For whatever reason, he likes this attention. He can see how unhealthy it is, but he likes that Porter (in his perception) is just as sick for this relationship as he is:
He had basked in the knowledge that he was the only one Porter was like this with. Others may have had him in their bed; known the devastating, delicious way Porter could make someone beg. But Jace was the one he kept coming back to. The one he growled at, grabbed, marked, and bruised—pursued. That was for Jace alone.
This whole thing is a culmination of a lonely, desperate man finding a toxic, possessive man that scratches all those deep down itches he has. We'll get more into Jace's own issues in further chapters (that flashback we saw was important), but this is just a little peek.
And now. We get to the scene that defines this whole fucked up tragic chapter:
“It’s always been leading here,” Porter growls against his mouth. The grin is back—that same curve of wild growing wider and crueler as he presses Jace fully back onto the altar: Spread out, gasping, chest exposed to the slowly sinking sun. Now, he knows the threat of Porter’s last harsh, needy kiss before he steps away, voice soft and heated, "'Til death do us part, sweetheart."
I have a very early draft of this chapter where there were no wedding vows. My first thought was to have Jace's death be so ordinary that it was insulting, but that ordinary death did not line up with as yet unpublished chapters. I was standing in another room doing something so mundane when this idea hit me. I like lunged at my phone to add in the vows. Originally, the only thing Porter was going to say was "It's always been leading here," which I felt was apt. It felt right. But I realized. Porter's obsession with Jace would not just end with that.
He would want to say something that left Jace as shattered as he was physically. So. He marries them in the worst way possible. He is now God and husband. They are bound in unholy, horrible matrimony.
In the past? Jace didn't think anything of it. Porter says creepy shit all the time, right? But. Now:
Now? Jace would lay upon the altar for Him willingly this time if given the chance. (Anything; anything to not be alone again.)
Porter has this perfect isolating control over Jace which is honestly horrifying. But all Jace can think about now is how he wants that back. A kind god has extended their hand to him, but no he wants the man who manipulated him. Who pulped his heart. The God who made him acolyte, saint, right hand, husband... Porter is the center of Jace's universe.
And now he's gone.
So, now, all he can do is remember that question: Do you want this life?
#.asks#.writing.#I DON'T THINK YOU EXPECTED A FUCKING. DISSERTATION.#but i can't help myself#sobbing#i need to finish this fic so i can talk about it in full#sorry for being a former english major that's why i'm incoherent
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
wip
#hi. i think this edit is almost done#well. no. it IS almost done. probably gonna finish it tomorrow#i really want to do some writing today but will i?#i think i need to join like. a writing group or something bc i suck at self motivating but#idk. sounds scary. so. probably not.#i wouldn't know where to find one anyway & if i did. i probably wouldn't interact much.#i'm one of those doesn't speak unless spoken to people tbh#n e way. i've been really into my plants lately lol#my lil round cactus is growing fruits!!!!#it's never done that before so i'm hoping to save the seeds & try growing them myself. gonna set up a terrarium#& my haworthia is looking significantly better than it was before#it was all sunburned & sad but now it's very green!!! & happier!! i think i need to water it today#my desert rose however....... needs work. i don't think i know how to take care of it very well.#i looked up care instructions & it said to keep the soil moist but also to let it dry out completely so??? idk that's a lil confusing#i'm gonna put it in a more gravelly soil & see if that helps#i also propped my bunny ear cactus bc it was getting all droopy & heavy so#now i'm gonna have baby cacti!! so exciting#rainyrambles
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Divine madness may be a rush, but it is still a madness. And, in the end, all madnesses must be collared or cured.
#my life#divine madness#translation: after about two and a half months#two and a half writing books#and sixteen green gel pens#I have physically forced myself to take a break from writing Got a Light?#just for my own mental health#frick I'm tired#time to take a li'l break and think about the Great God Airplane AU for awhile#this isn't a humble brag btw#the rush of creativity has been fun but it's also been very compulsive#like 'my hand hurts from writing so much but if I don't finish this scene my brain will start screaming and give me no peace' compulsive#I can't be thinking about one fic 24/7 sometimes I need to think about anime
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
today's pinfeather pixel update is : i've learned the hard way that polkadot makes me borderline physically ill to look at so here's a tide / foam wildclaw instead .
#y'all as someone who does not sweat much when i say my back was DRENCHED#after finishing polkadot for four of the eight bases ?#my l o r d#i rarely see dragons with it but i might need to make a note in my art shop just in case lol#i don't think i need to avoid them entirely but#like just to warn me and link to a dragon to brace myself for instead of posting the image directly djsklfj#anyways tide/foam is nice to look at and doesn't make my stomach drop so that's cool#pinfeather pixels
50 notes
·
View notes