#I don't need to know what she thinks to be able to point to something and go 'I see where you were inspired for this metaphor

[tealvenetianmask]

I want to talk about a kind of troubling reaction I've been seeing to both Apology Tour and Ghostfuckers among parts of the fandom. The person is usually a reaction youtuber but sometimes someone writing on tumblr or twitter. They say something along the lines of "oh, I'm glad Blitz is being forced to confront his crimes/traumas/pain. This is the only way he will finally heal."

That's not how healing works.

I know that reaction youtubers don't always have the most developed takes because they're . . . you know . . . reacting in the moment. But I think it's still worth talking about.

I'm going set aside the people who seem to believe that Blitz needs to be punished for his crimes, and address those who genuinely think that getting a tidal wave of his own trauma in his face is what he needs to heal.

There's an attitude in contemporary culture that traumas are something people need to confront. As in, put on a brave face and dive in like a big boy. I blame capitalism, rugged individualism, and all the pieces of media that tie up a character's arc neatly by having them confront their darkest fears and insecurities. It can put a nice bow on things, but it isn't really how healing from trauma works.

Apology Tour:

Blitz gets confronted by a shit ton of people who hate him, at least some of whom are his exes, who he feels he's personally damaged. The decor and party games are all about killing and torturing him. Verosika confronts him about how much he hurt her. Oh, and then he sees the love of his life, who he's just recently pushed away, making out with another guy- proof, in his eyes, that Stolas is happier without him. And this all reflects the underlying fears he already has about who he is as a person (shown to us by Truth Seekers).

So what was the takeaway? Blitz came to the conclusion that he doesn't always want to be like this (good, but like . . . worth this much pain?). He flops on his steering wheel (relatable). He stops trying to reach out to Stolas (uh oh . . . ). He spends A MONTH spiraling in his own misery and making a mess of all aspects of his life until he's dragged out of it by a caring friend.

The party doesn't empower Blitz to change. It knocks him down and fucking traumatizes him (seriously, images of Stolas from the party show up later in his trauma reel) too much for him to be able to do actually work toward said change. I suspect that if left to his own devices, he would have kept spiraling for quite a while longer. It's one thing to want to change, and another to try to do so alone in the aftermath of a pile-on.

Ghostfuckers

After Blitz drags himself out of his hole of cheesy ice cream and despair to "play sex ghosts" (escapism, again, still knocked down by Apology Tour), infester demon Rolando picks him out as an easy target and assaults him, yes, assaults, with horrific images of his worst traumas and fears.

Not to state the obvious, but Rolando isn't interested in helping Blitz heal. He's trying to kill the guy. He wants to engulf Blitz in his trauma to the extent where he's consumed by it and loses the will to fight back. And as some excellent posts by others have pointed out already, he very likely would have succumbed if not for Millie's support.

Millie helps Blitz get through the onslaught by telling him about what makes him great and how he's improved her life and showing him love and care. And by literally beating the fucking infester out of him. Because there's someone in him who's hurting him, who's re-traumatizing him against his will. She takes him away from the reel of horrible memories.

So . . . do I think that confronting traumas can play a role in healing? Sure. But only if it's consensually (which neither of these situations are) and when the person trying to heal is ready. And most likely in small doses. No one's going and successfully confronting every horrible thing that's ever happened to them in one go.

And in my humble opinion, it's not going to work (for anyone, but especially not for Blitz) alone and without a healthy dose of kindness and compassion (both external and internal).

Blitz has a long road ahead of him toward healing, and it's going to be hard work on his part but also require love and support from the people in his life.

In a wonderful moment near the end of Ghosfuckers, Blitz and Millie work together to get Blitz's wrecked van unstuck and push it back through the portal into Hell. I love it because it's so simple and it kind of tells us everything we need to know. This sweet and salty gremlin has a lot of work ahead of him, but he doesn't have to do it alone.

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love That Burns ~ 28

LOVE THAT BURNS MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,995ish

Summary: The aftermath of the Battle of Alcatraz Island.

Warnings: Possible character death. Grief.

Notes: I know I said that I'm taking a break. I am. I'm focusing on taking care of myself. But I also got to take care of you all. Hopefully, this provides a slight distraction for any pain any of you may be feeling. (Also, I know the gif happened in the last chapter, but it can still work here...)

Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks! 

The debris and water around the area quickly fell as Jean collapsed, dead. Logan spun around, looking for you. He couldn’t see you on top of any of the debris, making his heart sink.

“Y/N!” He screamed as he began using his senses to find you. “Y/N!” He caught a whiff of your blood and immediately began throwing debris. As soon as he could reach you, he pulled you into his lap. “Y/N? Sweetheart?” His heart dropped at the realization of how cold you were. “No.” 

He frantically looked for any sign that your body had begun to heal itself, but there was none. His fingers shot up to the pulse point at your neck, waiting with bated breath for something—anything to tell him that you were alive. He came up with nothing. 

“No, no, no, no, no!” Tears began pouring out of Logan’s eyes. “Somebody help me!”

“Logan!” Hank shouted, running towards Logan. “Logan, what—“ The blue, hairy mutant came stumbling to a stop. His eyes widened as he took in the scene of you limply laying in Logan’s arms with Jean dead a few feet away.

“Why is she not healing?!” Logan began panicking. What had happened that caused you to not be able to heal?

Hank broke out of his trance and rushed over to kneel on the other side of you. He placed two fingers under your neck and silently prayed for a pulse. His heart sank further with each passing second.

“Logan—“

“Do something, Hank! I need you to do something! Anything! I can’t lose her again!”

“I can find us a jet, perhaps get her back to the mansion. But, Logan, there’s no promises that she’ll… that she’ll wake.”

Logan shook his head, pulling you closer into his chest. “She’s not dead! She can heal!”

“She’s not healing, Logan.”

“No! You need to do something! You need to try! Or I swear to God that I will kill you.”

Hank gave a solemn nod. “I will go see if there’s a jet we can borrow.” Hank rushed off, worrying about how Logan would react if you didn’t wake up.

Logan’s eyes fell back on you. He began rocking back and forth. “I need you to wake up, baby,” he whispered, using everything in him to beg. “This isn’t funny. I know that I’ve made a shit ton of mistakes, but I can’t fix them if you’re not here… Wake up, sweetheart. Please.”

~~~

Hank was thankful to quickly find a jet that they could use. The X-Men piled up in it, steering clear of Logan and you. Hank brought Jean’s body on board, covering it with something so no one had to look. It was completely quiet the whole way back to the mansion.

“Logan,” Hank called once they had landed. “I need you to give her to me.” The Wolverine simply growled, holding on to you tighter. Hank sighed. “I can’t do anything with you holding her.”

“Work around me,” Logan snapped.

“I can’t do that.”

“Try.”

“Logan,” Ororo walked up, trying her hand with him. “We know that you love Y/N; we do too. But you have to let her go in order to help her.”

Logan shook his head. “What if I let her go. and she’s truly gone?”

“We don't know that until we let Hank try.”

After a brief second, Logan nodded, loosening his grip on you. Hank quickly took you and carried you off to the lab. Logan felt empty without you, sliding to the floor and breaking down. Ororo was quick to kneel beside him, trying to comfort him.

“I can’t—She can’t be—I don’t think I’ll—“ Logan’s mind was spiraling so fast that he couldn’t finish a single thought. “I should’ve stayed with her. I should have protected her… Ororo…” She sucked in a breath as Logan used her real name for the first time. “What if I’ve lost her?”

Though Ororo knew that Logan didn’t like physical affection from anyone besides you and sometimes Rogue, but she couldn’t help herself. She flung herself at Logan, holding him close. His head fell against her shoulder as heart-wrenching sobs began to wrack his body. Ororo rubbed Logan’s back as she let him cry. She knew it was pointless trying to say anything of comfort. She had seen you for herself and was utterly heartbroken at the thought of losing you after the loss of Scott, Charles, and Jean. But she didn’t love you in the way Logan did, for as long as Logan had. So Ororo would do what she could, which was to hold Logan as he let out his emotions while she said a silent prayer to whoever was listening.

~~~

Hank had to keep his emotions in check as he worked on you. The first thing he had to do was check to see if you had been injected with the cure without anyone’s knowledge. It was the only thing that he could think of for the reason why you weren’t healing, why you weren’t breathing. As Hank took a vial of your blood, he quickly realized that your blood was bubbling like it was boiling. He quickly began to run the test for the cure as he took another few vials, noticing the same thing: your blood was boiling.

Hank locked down the lab, not wanting anyone to enter if something was terribly wrong. He knew that Logan would fight it and could get in with his adamantium claws, but he had to take that chance. There was something going on with you. His only hypothesis was that Jean’s own powers had down something when she was controlling you. But what? 

Checking the monitoring for your stats, Hank noticed that your temperature began rising again, though you still had no heartbeat. 

“What are you doing, Y/N?” He muttered to himself.

It didn’t take long before Hank could confirm that you hadn’t been injected with the cure. He carefully monitored you, making note of your slowly rising temperature.

“Hank!” Logan yelled, pounding on the large lab doors. “Let me in!”

“Not a good idea, Logan!” Hank responded, not taking his eyes off the monitors as your temperature rose faster.

“I need to be with her!” The monitors began frantically beeping as your temperature rose to dangerous levels. Logan could hear them. “What’s going on?!”

“Stay out there!” Hank backed away as smoke began to lift from your body.

Logan sniffed, smelling the familiar scent of your smoke. He unsheathed his claws and before Hank or Ororo could stop him, cut a large hole in the lab doors. He rushed in, with Ororo right behind him, only to see your body go up in flames.

“NO!” He hurried forward only to be pushed back as your flames suddenly grew. “Y/N!”

“Storm!” Hank shouted. “Can you put her out?”

Storm shook her head. “I don’t know if I should.”

“Someone do something!” Logan yelled.

Abruptly, the flames that had engulfed you disappeared, leaving behind a heap of ashes where your body once was. Logan reached out, hands trembling over your ashes, before collapsing to the ground.

“No,” he breathed out. “No…”

Hank looked down, shoulders slumped as Ororo covered her mouth in shock. The two watched as Logan let a few tears trickle down his cheeks before his jaw clenched and his eyes closed. His hand found the dog tags tucked underneath his leather suit and tore them from around his neck. Logan’s eyes snapped open, with a cold, determined look in them. He stood up and tossed the dog tags onto the pile of ashes. Spinning around, Logan marched out of the room.

“Logan!” Ororo called after him, Hank following. “Where are you going?”

“This is not my home,” he sneered. “Not without Y/N.”

“That’s not true,” she shook her head, trying to get in front of the man. When she did, he simply stepped around her. “This can be your home. We care about you.”

“There’s nothing for me here anymore.”

“Logan, please… we all have lost enough. We need each other.”

“I do better alone.”

“No, you don’t,” Hank responded. “Don’t go, Logan.”

Logan paused for a brief moment, thinking about you. He was sure you wouldn't want him to be alone. But you weren’t here to stop him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled before heading upstairs.

Ororo and Hank didn’t bother going after him, knowing that it was hard to change Logan’s mind. And that Logan needed time to mourn your death.

~~~

A week passed since the Battle of Alcatraz Island. Jean had been buried with both her and Scott given memorials next to Charles’. No one was ready to give you one yet. No one had set foot in the lab since you had turned to ash.

Rogue, now going by Marie, returned having taken the cure. She and Bobby finally got to touch, but her biggest concern was Logan.

Though no one had officially followed Logan, they had heard that he was at a nearby bar, drinking and fighting his way through his grief. Ororo and Hank made sure to keep tabs on Logan by bribing bar regulars and did their best to keep Marie from going to Logan. He wasn’t okay, and no one wanted her to see him like that.

“The President wants me to be the new ambassador to the United Nations,” Hank told Ororo one night. They were sitting in the Professor’s office, often finding themselves there at night when they couldn’t sleep. “He wants me in DC tomorrow to announce it.”

“You should go,” Ororo encouraged. “You’ve helped out so much. You need to get back to your own life.”

Hank nodded. “I should clean up the lab before I go.”

“We should put the ashes in an urn. Logan may want them one day.”

“Okay… I just wish I could understand what happened to her. Why did her healing abilities stop working? How did she turn to ash?”

“I do, too. For Logan’s sake.”

“Keep me updated on him, will you?”

“Of course.”

Hank wished Ororo goodnight and headed downstairs to find something to clean your ashes into. He immediately froze at the door when he arrived. The ash pile had grown, with a similar shape to yours. Slowly, he moved closer. All of a sudden, you gasped, shooting up. The ashes fell off of you and onto the floor, revealing your naked body.

“Oh, my— Y/N!” Hank exclaimed. 

He grabbed the lab coat from a nearby chair and rushed to your side. He draped it over your shoulders as he began to take in your form. There were no scars on your skin. It was like brand new.

“What—“ you cut yourself off with a cough. “What happened?” You glanced around the room. “Where’s Logan?”

“What do you last remember?” Hank asked.

“Uh… we were at Alcatraz Island. I was injured, I think… Jean got a hold of me, and then nothing.”

“Well, you died.”

“What?”

“You died a week ago.”

“No,” you shook your head. “That’s not possible.”

“I know, but somehow you died, and then when we got you back here, your body went up in flames. You turned to ash.”

“That’s… insane.” You looked around again, finally noticing the dog tags in your lap. You carefully picked them up. “These are mine and Logan’s. Where is he?”

Hank sighed. “He left after you turned to ash.”

Your heart dropped. “He left?”

“Yes, but we’ve been informed that he’s at a nearby bar, drinking away and cage fighting.”

“I have to go get him.” You scrambled off the table, the lab coat slipping off you.

“Uh, Y/N?”

“What?”

“You may want to put some clothes on.”

You looked down to find yourself naked. You picked up the lab coat and wrapped it around yourself. “Right. Thanks.”

“Be careful. Logan’s not okay.”

“That’s why I can’t waste another second.”

next chapter >

[roseofhybrids]

there's something I've been thinking about recently, and tonight seems like a good enough occasion to talk about it

back when I was in therapy, every session my therapist would ask the same question

"What is something you're looking forward to this week"

The first time she asked that, I just figured it was a part of getting to know me as a new patient. Building rapport and trust and such. But when she repeated it every time I spoke to her, it made me wonder why she'd ask that specific question every time

Well, after thinking it over for a while, I think the reason she asked that is because it's really important to have something to look forward to regularly in life. Even if it's something small, as long as it's something you can find a little joy in See, nearly every time she asked me that, my answer would be that I was looking forward to my weekly DND game. It wasn't something too grand, just me and a few others messing around for 2 hours on roll20. But I felt happy when DMing for them, it wasn't much, but it still something that brought a little bit of fun every week

I feel like that's a critical part about staying alive on the day to day. Your life doesn't have to be filled with every day excitement like you're living a wealthy influencer lifestyle in order for you to carve out a bit of happiness for yourself

Like I said, it can be something small. Maybe it's DND games, maybe it's seeing the new episode of a show you like air, maybe once a week you let yourself order a pizza or eat out, maybe you and some friends get together to a watch a movie. Could even be that you just set aside a few hours where you can do something you like, literally anything as long as it brings you some enjoyment. Just a bit of time when you don't have to be productive and working and worrying about everything

I know the idea of doing something just for yourself can feel selfish, like you're wasting precious time. Especially with everything that's going on in the world, it can make you feel guilty for letting yourself find joy when some many others are suffering and in danger

Take it from someone who spent the latter half of their schooling dealing with dysthymia, self harm, and constant panic and anxiety attacks. Feeling nothing but misery 24/7/365 will help nothing. Depriving yourself of any positive emotion day in and out will fix nothing. All it will do is land you in either the grave or a mental hospital, and you certainly won't be able to help anyone from either of those places

If you want to help others, you'll have to be able to support yourself first. And that means not letting the stress of being alive build up to the point of crushing you under its weight. Take an hour or two every few days to let yourself truly breathe and relax. Think of it as fortifying your self for what's to come. You'll need some way to maintain your strength through the storm if you ever want to see the other side of it I'm not saying to ignore the bad parts of life, just don't ignore the good parts either. Even if you have to make those good parts with your own hands Eventually, the world will get better. But that will take time, so you will need to work to ensure you are around long enough to see it

This week, I'm looking forward to the new Dandadan episode, and going to get my new dog his name tag This month, I'm looking forward to making Thanksgiving dinner and getting to have some turkey and pumpkin pie Next year, I'm looking forward to starting a project that I've been thinking about for months

What is something you are looking forward to?

you don't gotta tell me it if you don't want to, just make sure you have one

[dragonfire2lm]

Holy shit, reading all of this just felt so damn good. I'm blind in my left eye and need glasses to see through my right, so reading other's experiences with only one functioning eye is...nice.

I thought I might share some of my experiences, because I don't really think too much about it honestly, I just know how things go for me because being half-blind is my normal.

Slopes and uneven ground are the worst. Walking is more than just seeing the ground in front of you, its also feeling it with your feet. When just out and about during the day, I can see just fine, but I do need/prefer stable ground because my depth perception is off and my balance is shit. So when dealing with say, a hill or holes i nthe ground, I take it slower, feel out each step because I can't tell how deep something is by just looknig down at it.

My night vision is also...not a thing, lol! I've gone out at night before, but would have to rely on having a torch (flashlight for you americans) with me and point down at my feet so I can see where I'm walking. For real, one time when I was walking home i nthe dark I accidently stepped onto the curb of the road because I couldn't tell I was veering that close to it, but I course corrected pretty quick. Because of my shit night-vision, we've got a motion-sensor light in the hallway for me, and I have a little lamp in my room for whenever I need to get up in the middle of the night. I don't necessarily need to turn a room's light on to see, I just need enough to tell where I'm going because gonig from darkenss with some light to full on "let me turn the bathroom light on for you" means I need to take like..ten, twenty seconds for my eyes to adjust to the suddenly bright light flooding my vision.

I'm not sure if this next thing is because I'm half-blind, or just a me thing, but I tend to not do well with navigation or cluttered environments. For example, If I need to find a phone on a table covered in clutter, you can see it, its right there surrounded by other things, but its there. I cannot see it, its not in an obvious spot where I could notice it at first glance, there's too many things, even if you point it out to me, I would still have trouble finding it. This applies to video games too! I often get lost in video games, or need my friend to point out something I missied because I just don't notice it amongst everything else.

I hate bright light. I'm very sensitive to bright light to the point most of the curtains in my home are closed, I wish real life had a brightness setting, and sunlight glinting off cars on a sunny day is my own personal hell. I've gotten flashbanged walking into the bathroom a couple of time because Mum opened all the curtains in there for important reasons I can't remember (like, she did close them later on, they are normally closed but sometimes they're open if the windows need to be cleaned or something).

People think I'm more blind than I am at first. When they first learn I can't see out of one eye, they assume I need to have things pointed out to me, like "watch out for the step/curb." when its during the day... I can see just fine, that's what the glasses are for. Yeah I can't see shit at night and will let people know that, but I know what I can and can't do...it's like people take a bit of time to really get the message that only under certain conditions do I need help and can manage the rest of the time perfectly fine on my own.

I prefer to have people walk on my blind side, because that's the side I'm keeping a closer eye on, so its easier for me to walk and talk with someone if they stay at my left.

Let's see what else? I do the head turning thing too! Its way easier and less eye strain to just turn my head towards something to look at it.

With my vision being the way it is I need to be mindful of what videogames I play. Yeah there's the obvious thing of most horror games are out because I would need to crank up the brightnesn super high and its frustrating not being able to see shit, but there's also ui elements to take into consideration. If a game uses small font, or a small hud, that's just eye strain and a headache waiting to happen. I've bought games wheere I;ve had to stop laying them because the console ports just aren't made for people like me who need larger font sizes and ui scaling, and I don't play PC because my laptop isn't a gaming one, and its much more comfortable for me to play console games because my large tv means less eye strain because its a bigger screen.

Speaking of the laptop! I wish most sites were zoom-friendly...like I need to have my web browser set to be zoomed in because again, I need the larger font and ui elements even when browsing the web. Most of the sites I frequent are fine with this (namely tumblr and AO3) but some of the sites i do use aren't zoom firendly and I have to zoom out to use the site properly, and that means tiny font and stress because I have my shit zoomed in for a fucking reason! but no, a lot of sites just don't do well with the fact that I have stuff zoomed in at 90 or 100%, like they weren't desinged to be used with zoom or larger fonts in mind.

I have to write my fanfics with font size 22 or 24 and then scale it down to a more presentable size 16 when I want to share previews of what I'm writing via google docs. Thankfully I don't have to worry about doing this on AO3.

Some of this wound up being a little bit ranty, don't take it too seriously, its just little things that frustrate me sometimes.

Stuff about having monocular vision that people don’t know (in my experience)

1. You only ever sit on one side of a room. (Especially if you’re in class) If you’re blind in your left eye like me, you sit to the left of the room so your right eye has the greatest scope, and there’s not much to your left to look at.

2. Harder time seeing past obstacles. People with two eye vision have the perception of both their eyes blend together for one image. Without this, you only have one eye, so you’re don’t get to see past obstacles the same way. For example if something is blocked for your right eye and not for your left, you can still see it through your left. For people with monocular vision this isn’t possible.

3. People don’t walk on the side of your blind eye. It may just be me, but because I’m blind in my left eye I tend to accidentally bump into people if they’re on my left. So when people walk beside me I naturally go so they’re to my right, or they do, without it being discussed.

4. 3D movies are headaches. Even though we’ve progressed past the red-blue type glasses, 3D just doesn’t work well for monocular vision. (And you know those fun optical illusions? A lot of them don’t work at all- nothing happens!)

5. Things like grabbing a pencil without looking at it are extremely difficult. (Due to lack of depth perception, you have a hard time discerning where things are in 3D space). This also stretches to having bad posture and balance. Meanwhile, things that are flat are relatively easy.

6. You turn your head when you’re looking at something, so your good eye is focused on it. This includes tilting your head at worksheets, TVs, and computer screens- and also people.

7. Seeing in the dark is also much harder, because people rely on their depth perception for it, and without that stuff gets real hard

8. The headaches. Most people with blindness don’t experience total blindness, but instead low vision, where their vision is not able to be used in a way that’s helpful. Your brain tries to merge the images, or use your bad eye to see something in the peripheral. This just makes your head hurt. Much like people who need time to adjust to having glasses due to the headache, getting headaches is common because your vision is always at odds.

9. More susceptible to eye damage. Since you’re not overly aware of your bad eye, you may not notice if the sun is shining directly at it. I tend to squint with my bad eye whenever I’m outside, without thinking about it. Additionally, you’re more wary of anything that could damage your good eye. It’s the only one, so you gotta be careful with it.

10. Also, it makes things really, really weird if there’s a bright light from one side but not from another. There are often after images that float in my vision.

11. Looking at things that are moving can be hard. I can focus on an object, but if a camera is panning in some direction without being focused on one thing in particular, I just stop being able to make sense of what I’m seeing. It becomes very jarring.

12. Sometimes it’s not that your eye necessarily has anything wrong with it, but that your optic nerve isn’t fully connected. So the eye may be healthy, but your brain shut it off, and the connection between the light coming in your eye, and the way the brain interprets it, never fully formed. Funnily enough, I’ve heard that this can cause the connection between your good eye and your brain to be stronger, as it is with mine. For some people it’s the opposite, and it makes both of their eyes worse. Peoples experiences can really differ.

[bluu3berry]

Flowering Heart.

{CW: Disease, Heartbreak, Graphic depiction, Hanahaki Disease.} Enjoy ~!

Please read, or atleast reblog I spent so much time on this...

Sans stared into the mirror… a new day in the underground. Today was special! No humans have fallen recently and I got closer to the lady behind the door. In Fact, he learned her name! Toriel. He was never one for lovey-dovey stuff but over the years of talking with her, he got to know her. She used to care for children, she loves cooking, she is a very clean person and other hobbies of hers! It grew to the point that surprisingly he found himself catching feelings for her… to the point he was able to get echo flowers from Waterfall just for this occasion!

He adjusted his red bowtie which was tied to his normal clothing, as he smiled a bit wider than his normal grin. He sighs as he stands up and “shortcut” from his room to the door of the ruin.. doing the secret knock which indicates who it is.. he hears Toriel coming quickly. 

“ Sans! Sans! Hah, I found a joke book and I have so many things to tell. However.. you came earlier than usual! Anything different?” The lady spoke softly with sweetness.. he thought of words to tell the monster behind the door for this occasion. “ Why yes Tori is uhh got some good news for ya- or well me. I think I got something for ya “Sans spoke back awkwardly as he grinned at the door awaiting the response.

“ Oh- wait what is it? A joke? Another one of your hotdogs, I do need to still try to make those don’t you agree? “ Toriel said giggling afterward as she finally sat down at the door… sans paused as he thought for a moment “Ehh nah… it's something more alive huh? I thought you would like your Into flowers right?” He said slightly nervous for her reaction.. he sat on the snow before grabbing the echo flowers and pushing them through the door.. a few petals being slightly shaved off due to the tight gap “Oh? Echo flowers.. sans I haven't seen these in such a long time! It's a wondrous gift! But why flowers, I never asked for these?” She spoke slightly confused as sans sighed and waited for the echo flower to speak for itself. “ You should. maybe listen to the plant, huh?” Sans said softly as Toriel nodded

Toriel picked up the flower and held it close to her floppy ears as the echo flower glowed whispering into her ear “ Could we go to Grillby’s… “ the echo ringed as another picked up the sentence. “ You are a good friend to me.. but.. “ it rang as Toriel knew what was to come.. she froze hearing the third one. “ Could… it be more. “ Toriel was shocked! The echo flowers glow went silent, as Sans on the other side of the door fidgeted quietly.

“ Sans... “ Toriel spoke in a slightly deep and upsetting tone.. sans paused listening to what Toriel had to say “ I am.. not ready for more than this. I haven't even seen your face. I'm sorry but I don't think I'm ready for a relationship. Besides, I don't think I could even live out of the ruins. Everything would be so new! I don't know how much it would have changed.“ She spoke softly to let him down easily.. Which didn't work. She slid the flowers back out a couple of the petals ripping off as the flower's glow slowly disappeared into nothing “.. heh- that's alright Tori ignored it, what was that book about anyways? “ Sans said awkwardly and distant but not to the point of tears.. But they started to roll. Why? He heard no response to his question.

It was just the soft padding of feet leaving the door. Toriel needed space after such a thing, knowing the monster beyond the door? Interested in her.. that changed how she viewed sans. But she was too kind to tell him that. He tapped the door on his knock again, listening for the feet to return. “ Eh? Toriel didn't know you were going somewhere. I'll wait for ya. “ He said softly as he pulled his bowtie off and wrapped it around his stitched jacket.. zipping up the coat and laying in the snow waiting for her to return.. after hours, and hours of waiting, no response. But he didn't leave, besides! He still had hope for Toriel to return. It was getting colder and colder on his bones.

What surprised him the most was the flowers blooming in his eye.. the echo flowers covered the left side of his face quickly. “ Hn.. eh? Ah, flowers? Wonder if I got seeds in my skull again hah.. "Sans spoke as his voice was weary.. his hand reached to his face grabbing a flower and pulling in it slightly.. usually they come out right? Nope.. he jolted out of the snow still tired but in a panic, shock of pain was sent throughout his head. "A-AGHH-!?" He *screamed as the pain bloomed from his eyesight. He clawed at the echo flower trying to rip the source of pain to subside. He was able to tear out a few strangling blue petals, which fell onto his fluffy coat rim and sleeves. He thrashed around trying to yank out more of the flowers, tossing and turning in the snow, causing more snow to pile on top of him. The cold slowly replaced the pain, numbing the harm caused as he curled into a ball. Watching as a snowstorm started to form in Snowdin.

“ I feel so.. wea-.. hah.. ah. “ His panicked voice was overtaken by an exhausted gaze and becoming too weak to move. His pupils disappeared from the only eye available as the echo petals slowly formed in between his hand.. and in the gaps of his neck, not being fully flowers yet but the petals sure didn't help with the cold.“ It's.. so.. chilly.. “ he spoke as the flowers and petals seemed to be feeding off his magical energy and his form… his eyes turned glassy his vision blurring all he could make out was the familiar red scarf of his brother quickly approaching as he slipped into unconsciousness. @anon-coke @scramble-eg @thelunarsystemwrites @superbfirnacho @the-second-reason < Thanks for pure review

[bronx-bomber87]

Hi!! I just spent the last hour scrolling through your page and I adore everything you have to say about tim and lucy…

So I was curious (because I’m a month into the fandom and I don’t really know anyone yet) what your thoughts, predictions, expectations for season 7 would be?

Sorry if you’ve posted something similar before, please point me in the right direction if you have :)

- Loren

Hi! @moderatelydelusional Nice to meet you, Loren. Thank you for the lovely ask :) Making me all red with your nice comment. So glad you liked everything I've had to say about our lovely ship. Appreciate it so much. Before I answer I want to say welcome to the fandom! We are glad to have you here. 😊 There are so many good blogs on tumblr for them. Glad you chose me as one of them. I am honored. ❤️ I haven't really tackled s7 at all so this is a good ask. Excited to answer it. I'm a detailed woman. So imma break your question down into sections if that's alright. I legit don't know how to be brief about this show or them haha Also will do it with gifs cause that's my thing. Here is my detailed answer below. Hope you enjoy it.

Thoughts on S7- Well we've had ZERO and I mean ZERO spoilers or indicators about this upcoming season. Which I do love them keeping it close to the vest. Honestly I do. Just means they have something incredibly good lined up. They just want to make sure we are surprised. Can't fault them for that. But I'm dying for anything. The end of s6 left us wanting so much more with the scene above. We are all chomping at the bit for any content. I know Eric had a interview couple weeks back about s7. From what little he was able to divulge I am EXCITED.

Here is the link to it. Talks about Tim needing to EARN Lucy back in more ways than one. How she is the love of his life. (Tell us something we don't know haha) But I love Eric referring to her to as such. The personal development for Tim to come as well. Like I said they haven't given us much of anything yet. It's hard to have thoughts when we don't have much to go on. But it seems like it'll be well rounded season. It's always been a character driven show so I think it'll be more than just our ship. Which is fine with me. It is an ensemble cast after all.

I fell in love with this show as a whole when it first launched back in 2018. Give me more Tim/Angela, Lucy/Nyla and Wopez. I'll take all of that. I have been all in from the Pilot. I remember watching it on my lunch break on my phone when it first premiered. I was hooked. When we finally get a promo and a friggin premiere date I can probably be more in depth with my answer. Since we don't have a lot to go on it's hard to have in depth thoughts ha But from what little they've let out I'm quite excited for the journey we're going to embark on. We just need a start date for said journey. All we know is Jan but I need a hard date LOL

Expectations For S7. -I expect Chenford to get back to the softness above. It won't be easy but I expect we are headed back there. I think it's gonna be quite the journey to get us there. Both Tim and Lucy are going to need to grow before we do. They both still have shit to work out. Lucy with her career path and the rough time she had last year. It wasn't just Tim that crushed her. I mean it was a huge headliner but wasn't the ONLY one. Our girl has some communication problems and is like her soulmate in how she handles emotional distress. Expect that to be addressed on some level.

Tim obviously has a lot to make up for and he knows it. That is the first step. I expect we see Tim working constantly to improve himself as a person. To be worthy of Lucy again. He's not going to half ass his healing. He is going to be very Tim in how he goes after it. This is going to bleed into every part of his life. I expect to see that all over his character development in s7.

I also anticipate that we'll see an even stronger and more refined version of Chenford in Season 7, with their characters continuing to grow and evolve. Strong separately and even more so together. I cannot wait for the slow burn of their reconciliation. Going to make all the hurt worth it. It'll be Chenford 2.0 and we are all going to be grateful for that. While losing our minds together it's happening. I would rather have our ship and characters be real and develop. Better that than to be puddle deep like John/Bailey. I'll take the pain of growth over the stagnation of boredom. i.e. Bailian.

Predictions-Obviously I want to predict something like above. Them starting over. Kisses, hugs, and if we're lucky enough to get a repeat of 5x12 on screen. That one I'm straight just trying to manifest lol Possibly Celina catching them or almost doing so when they get back together at her place. These are more hopeful than actual predictions lmao But I mainly predict a deeper intimacy between them when they do reconcile. Stronger communication. It'll be beautiful. I also think we're about to see a side of Tim Bradford we haven't seen before. As we know Lucy brings out the best in this man. The absolute best. We're going to see that on full display.

I think he will continue therapy. I also think we’re going to see a very determined Tim driven in his quest to make amends to Lucy. Which will bring out that new side we haven't seen. It's one of the facets of s7 that has me most excited. And not just for the Chenford portion. (Which does make me giddy to no end) But for him as well. You follow me long enough you'll know I love Tim development. So this excites me so very much.

We watched Tim take strides in his mental health walk and as a person in s6 after 6x07. I expect we're going to see the fruit of that not just in his amends to Lucy. But professionally as well. Tim took quite the fall professionally after being bounced out of Metro. He has fences to mend to Grey, Lt. Pine, and those around him as well in patrol. I see him making those strides and then some.

I predict Lucy is going to finally going to get grounded professionally and personally. (She does have a new roommate. I can see development here too) Lucy got very lost in s6. I think s7 she will be righting her ship. Finding her purpose. My guess was T.O. for her with her dipping her toe with Celina in 6x08. She's so empathetic and willing to slow down and teach. I think that could be a good path for her. Whatever her trajectory is I think it's going to be be worked out in s7 for our girl. It's time for her to get some damn wins. I hope that answers your ask LOL Or maybe was too much? HA Either way I can't wait for s7. I need a promo and a premiere date. Seriously ABC, you're killing us.

[unhingedangstaddict]

It seems a lot of people are looking for a distraction right now so here's me trying to do my part. I don't have a name for this WIP yet but I have posted a few other scenes from this WIP already (this post and this post ).

Buck packed their bags while Tommy called the San Francisco Police Department's number on the business card that had been left. He learned that his sister, Cassandra and brother-in-law, Marcus were hit by a drunk driver who’d run a red light at a high speed. San Francisco PD explained they hadn’t been able to locate Avery (Tommy's niece) but that they’d sent officers to notify Dylan (Tommy's nephew), and Marcus’ best friend and secondary emergency contact after Cassandra.

Tommy and Buck took Tommy’s truck, yet Buck was driving. Tommy wasn’t in the right headspace for it and had calls to make anyway. He started with Dylan.

“Uncle Tommy,” Dylan sounded relieved as he answered the phone. “Did you hear-”

“Yeah, D, I- I heard.” Tommy confirmed.

“I haven’t been able to get a hold of Avery,” Dylan started.

“I did, sort of. She’s sleeping hard at a friend’s after a softball game. I spoke with the friend’s mom, they’ll keep her there until I can get to San Fran.” Tommy explained. “She doesn’t know yet, I figure it’ll be better coming from one of us.”

“I’m trying to find a flight but they’re freaking expensive, why are all these damn flights so freaking expensive?” Dylan huffed, he sounded like he was spiraling and on the verge of tears.

“Hey, hey- just take a breath.” Tommy instructed. Dylan had a lot to worry about right now, but not having money for a flight was not one of them. Tommy hadn't expected Dylan to have that kind of cash just laying around being a university student. “I’ll send you some money, just get the first flight you can, okay?”

“Okay.” Dylan let out a shaky breath. “You on your way to San Fran now?”

Tommy put the phone on speaker so he could send Dylan the money. “Yeah, yeah I am. I’m sending the money now. Send me your flight details as soon as you have them, okay?”

“Yeah, I will.”

Tommy didn’t talk with Dylan much longer, as Dylan needed to pack a bag and get to the airport.

“He’s probably so scared.” Buck frowned. He knew this was hard on Tommy but he had to imagine it was much, much harder for Dylan.

“No doubt.” Tommy agreed.

“Should- do you think someone’s contacted your father?” Buck asked as carefully as he could. He knew Thomas Kinard Sr was not a great father or grandfather to say the least, but he still should be made aware of what was happening.

“I’ll call him later. Him knowing now or later won't make any difference and he’s probably asleep right now and if someone wakes him up he’ll still be drunk and he’ll be pissed. Noon will probably be the best time to call, he’ll be awake and he’ll have a drink or two in him, but he won’t be shitfaced yet.”

Buck just nodded in understanding, and kept his focus on driving.

The timing worked out that it made the most sense to pick up Dylan from the airport before going to collect Avery. Buck and Tommy waited for him at his arrival gate, and soon he approached them. Dylan was about lanky, about 5’10, with short curly reddish brown hair, blue eyes, and freckles. He looked exhausted and lost as he silently approached his uncle and hugged him tightly.

“I got you.” Tommy told Dylan as he wrapped his arms around his nephew and held him close.

Eventually Dylan pulled away. “Hi Buck.” he said politely, then looked at Tommy. “Still gotta get Avery, right?” He guessed.

“Yeah.” Tommy confirmed. “We should get going.”

Tommy drove them from the airport to Avery’s friend’s house and soon they were parked in front of the house.

“She’s gonna know something is wrong the moment she sees either one of us.” Dylan pointed out. “I should be in Intro to Algorithms right now and you should be, doing whatever you’d be going at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday.”

“I know.” Tommy sighed. “I’m gonna go up to the door and get her, then once she’s in the truck we- we’ll break the news.” He told Dylan, then got out and went up to the house. He rang the bell and patiently waited.

Soon the door was answered by a middle aged woman who must’ve been Madison’s mom. “You must be Avery’s uncle.”

“Yes.” Tommy nodded.

The woman nodded. “I’ll grab her, she’s ready to go.” She promised and disappeared further into the house.

After a moment Avery came into view. Avery was 5’6 with an athletic build, and the same reddish brown colored hair as her brother, though her hair didn’t have the same curl her brother’s did. She had the same blue eyes as him though, and more freckles than Dylan. “Uncle Tommy?” She frowned. “What are you doing here?”

“I’ll explain in a moment. We should get going, there’s some people waiting in the car.”

“Okay.” Avery said slowly. She turned to her friend and said goodbye, grabbed her bag, and followed Tommy out to his truck. She opened the back passenger side door and saw her brother. “Dylan?”

“Hey Aves.” Dylan tried to sound upbeat but didn’t quite hit the mark.

“You look like shit.” Avery told her brother as she handed him her bag and climbed into the truck.

“Thanks.” Dylan said sarcastically as he shoved her bag on the floor between their feet.

“Okay, now will someone tell me what is going on? Where’s mum and dad?”

“Avery, they um,” Dylan started, but was having a hard time continuing.

“There was an accident last night. They were hit by a drunk driver.” Tommy continued.

“No. No you’re lying.” Avery shook her head.

“They’re gone, Avery. They didn’t make it.” Dylan explained.

“And you guys kept it from me?” Avery seemed upset by this.

“Was I supposed to send a text, hey Aves we’re orphans now?” Dylan asked incredulously.

“You should’ve told me! You kept it from me for- well long enough for the two of you to get here.” Avery argued.

“We wanted to be with you, when you found out.” Tommy explained calmly.

“This isn’t happening.” Avery muttered and put her head in her hands.

Tommy looked helplessly at Dylan, then at Evan.

All Buck could do was take Tommy’s hand and try to offer some silent comfort. He had a feeling he’d be doing that a lot the next little while.

If anyone wants to read more lmk I've got a bunch of this story written and I'm happy to share if someone needs something to take their mind off other things for a little bit

[kaythefloppa]

Wild Kratts - Salmander Streaming - Thoughts

Spoilers!!

I've a good feeling that this isn't actually a clip from a movie, but just something the animators whipped up. The fact that the animals running are in blue and green gives me the impression.

But also, the characters being able to stream movies makes me feel old.

If I had a nickel for every time a red squirrel fucked up high tech structure in this show, I'd have 2 nickels.

Also, how efficient are the tellurium crystals (which we saw earlier in the season premiere) are, if shit like THIS can render the turtle ship's power efficient??

Roll credits!

Also, this is the first of MANY moments in the episode that made me laugh unironically.

Martin, that is a fucking exoskeleton. I don't think I have to explain why that is incredibly gross (although it does make for an efficient boat).

Also, random fact: The largest crayfish on the planet has weighed up to 11 pounds. That's huge!

This is another thing about the episode that regularly comes up (and that many people have noticed). The animation is suprisingly fluid. I mean, not surprisingly, there were new riggers on board for the show, which likely explains why it took nearly 2 years for the new season to drop, but still. Screenshots alone do not do several scenes or shots (this included) justice when talking about how eye-catching or interesting the animation is.

I did not know that some salamander species were cannibalistic! This show always manages to teach me new things every day, even at the age of 18.

Am I the only one who is the tiniest bit miffed when they call it "the human fish" and not "the olm." I get that it's a nickname like "Wolf Hawks" but, it's not the only name. 😭😭

I feel like this is yet another moment where I should needlessly harp into the "lore" of Wild Kratts. Because she describes the suit as "universal" and as we see in the episode, the Salamander Power Suit can be reactivated based on species. So why didn't she do this with the Spider, or Wolf Suit. I'm 100% looking too much into this, but just saying.

Also, I really hope that a Universal Salamander Power Suit implies that we'll be getting an Axolotl episode and a Power Suit. I was kinda hoping we'd see some of them in this episode, but the potential is there!

There is DEFINITELY no way I could've done this joke justice using screenshots. You need to see it in video form to see my point. Because the joke was predictable in every sense of the word. I knew what the punchline was. I knew when the punchline was gonna hit. But because the animation was so fluid throughout the frames, and because of how detailed the shading and lighting were and how overtly obvious the punchline was because of the visuals, it still made me laugh my ass off. I legitimately had to look up if James Baxter (yes THAT James Baxter) worked on this episode because it reminded me of a lot of scenes he did for Steven Universe and Owl House. Was surprised to know that he wasn't, but regardless, whoever animated these episodes, whether veterans or newcomers, deserves their fucking raise.

I know that he's referring to the salamander, and yes, the joke has been made before, but like, if someone told you that there's an episode of Wild Kratts where they [by technicality] said the word "hell" *checks notes* twenty-four times in one episode, would you believe them? Yeah that's what I thought.

Also, indeed hellbenders are the largest salamander in North America, the third largest in the world. Adult healthy hellbenders have very few predators and that's because of how gigantic they are.

I used up my one-video free-card on a previous joke, but once again, it's so silly, you know what the joke/punchline is, yet it's presented in such a way that is still really humorous, either because of how it doesn't bring too much awareness to the fact that it's a joke, embraces said fact of it being a joke, or both. Complete with straight-up fucking Looney Tunes style anticts, it's just really fun.

Also, another thing I find funny is that the hellbender ate the crayfish exoskeleton. Like, would that even be tasty?

Spoilers, but Chris does NOT Activate Tiger Salamander Powers. Yes, I am also miffed.

They're so besties.

Ok but like I'm sensing a pattern where Martin activates a Creature Power Suit with Aviva whenever he's not activating it alone or with Chris. Which at first I didn't think much of, but then I realized. Blue is a component color to make up purple. So this occasional running theme/pattern could be a reference to how similar they are, and how both rely on each other in some fundamental way in their adventures, much like how the colors blue and purple are interconnected in a way. Am I looking too much into this as well? Yeah, but I actually enjoy it!

Ok not gonna lie, I actually liked the fourth-wall break. Mainly because they could've easily fucked it up badly by having it drag on for too long, or making it too meta, but quick cuts and gags like this make it all the more worthwhile. And unlike the Camel Chris gag in the camel episode, it sticks around once and doesn't wear out its welcome.

Also, the Salamander Suits were activated by touching a Hellbender, which we've established, is bigger than every other salamander shown in the episode.... so... why the fuck are they that tiny?? They should at least be way bigger than the rocks they're standing on.

Also, the Salamander Suits genuinely look like Dinosaur Suits. At least... from this angle.

-... because from THIS angle they look so. FUCKING. CUTE. I so badly want to hug them like plushies (now I'm even more disappointed that Chris wasn't in one of these)

How the fuck was this guy able to stuff a huge-ass butternut underneath his vest and shirt.

Also, Chris, you do realize that keeping squirrels from eating the nut is a good way to make them endangered as well? Bro is petty 😭

I think this is the first time we've seen the Tortuga miniaturized by someone on the actual crew, not a villain or an accident.

As someone who didn't know or care that much for salamanders (at least in comparison to frogs and toads), this episode enlightened me a lot. I actually hope I do see a hellbender sometime in my life

CONCLUSION:

PROS:

The humor. Like, every single joke in this episode either got me to crack a grin, or laugh out loud

The animation. Once again, the animators have got their rent due. So many memorable facial expressions and cool color designs that just make it nice to look at.

The salamander species themselves.

CONS:

Chris definitely should've activated the Tiger Salamander Suit. Bro was robbed

No mention of Axolotls? The most well-known salamander in the world? For shame.

Final Ranking: 8/10. A nice slice of life mini-adventure with no huge or real stakes, but overall a pretty fun romp. Before this episode came out, there were a lot of positive reviews of this episode on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes, and while I generally take those with heaping grains of salt (because opinions are opinions at the end of the day), I definitely agree that this episode is fun. The very epitome of "camp."

[galaxy-fleur]

I hope more dad leon questions are ok?

something something that's been on my mind, what if remake leon (after reaching early 30s ) suggest his s/o that they have a baby but she is reluctant and unsure about it?

while leon is craving for normalcy and an escape and his emotion got the better of him but she's afraid of not being able to do it or whether she'd be a good mum and the like

Hmm, I don't think that would be a big issue, honestly? If we take that you two assumedly have been together for a while now, it's not like you feeling hesitant about it would make him feel upset or angry with you. Yes, Leon wants a simpler, cozier life (if we're talking about a scenario of him actually having the opportunity to do that). He wants that with you, though. You're a team, and your thoughts and desires are not any less valuable than his own. I'd even say that he tends to neglect his needs sometimes.

So I can see this going two ways.

He either backpedals on the whole idea once he sees you're a bit uncomfortable and doesn't bring it back up for a while because he doesn't want to make you feel pressured, or... you two have a more open conversation about the whole thing. Granted, the first option will probably lead to the second one eventually, but still.

Having kids is scary and a lot of work. No matter how you have children. He wouldn't want you to go through with something so life-changing if you're not completely sure and eager. And if you're not, that's fine, too. He's willing to wait. To talk about it more, lay out your options and take it one step at a time instead of just jumping into this idea.

And if you'll never feel ready? Well, you'll just have to adopt a puppy. Or so he jokes while pressing a kiss to your forehead. Or perhaps a parrot. A big one. He heard those are technically like toddlers that never grow up. A perfect option. Plus, Sherry would love that.

Point is, he wouldn't want you to feel nervous of disappointing him or holding him back just because you're not as on board with it as he is. He wants a family with you because he loves you. He wants a future with you, whatever that may look like. If you'll want kids one day? Just know he'll be ecstatic to hear that. And if you don't? That means you two will get more time to spend together, with no distractions getting in the way. He'd be a damn fool to complain about that.

Either way, he will remind you that you are not alone in this. If you are just worried about not being a great parent, he'll reassure you that he'll be right there with you, every step of the way. Though the joys and the hurdles, the wins and losses. He wants it all, not just the good stuff. So you have nothing to worry about.

Adoption is always an option, too. If you are someone who headcanons his backstory as him losing his parents at a young age, that'll just makes the whole idea that much more heartwarming to think about.

[flightyalrighty]

Hey there! Hope you're having a great day & getting enough rest! I found Infested awhile back before Chapter 2 started,& while I'm not normally a big fan of horror/angst/gore & all that,I was really interested since it was about Shadow,who's one of my absolute favorites & it was really interesting & now I'm hooked,lol. Just curious though,you said that you always wanted to do a Sonic horror story,but what keeps you inspired to keep doing so much angst & emotional whiplash? Is it the challenge of writing the characters in situations that they normally wouldn't be in or other things? And I know you don't like to answer too many questions about the bugs to keep suspense up,but I gotta ask. Do the bugs know when another infected is nearby? Like they infect one person,then run into another person who was infected,do they have like "bug telepathy" or something so they don't kill each other?

Hello! Happy to be kinda like a gateway into this kinda stuff for you! I hope you enjoy Infested the whole way through!

A lot of it really is that I wanted to make a story and that I deeply love these characters and I especially love Archie Sonic and I mourn its death every day of my life.

Equally, this story comes from feelings that I had to explode onto these characters as a means of therapy for me. It's not as bad as it once was, but my world is still so small.

I do still feel trapped where I am, clawing for a means of escape, but it was so much worse before. I've had all too much time to myself, stuck in my thoughts, thinking of how much more living I was once able to do with my life. I needed an escape from this. I've experience suicidal thoughts before and I was scared they'd find me again.

So I step into the shoes of characters that bring me joy. I rummage around and poke at the things I personally find interesting about them. I take a horrible scenario and inflict them with it -- Not out of spite, not out of cruelty or any sort of anger, but because, in the end, perhaps they can handle things better than I ever could.

Perhaps they can hit their absolute lowest point and find strength within it.

Now, with all that said, I'll answer your bug question:

Yes, she's aware of when she's near hosts outside of her own. She's a hivemind, and connected to herself in that way. Hosts don't attack other hosts.

[kemihaydeestantonva]

Exactly this. And unfortunately, I can't say the same. Like I was trying to be vague in my wording to avoid trauma dumping but I'm tired. TW for death under the cut if you still don't get it by now let me spell it out for y'all.

My friend and roommate died at 28. Not a hand's width away from my face, I literally watched his eyes roll back and the life leave him and I have to live with the knowledge that I probably could have saved him had I acted sooner. I still, to this day, cannot bring myself to tell his mother that I had that window to save him (because at this point what is the use of telling her that, beyond tearing open the wound again?). I don't know how she'd react to that, and that terrified me. I don't think anymore that she would hate me, but I spent nearly ten years holding that knowledge inside myself. Murderer. Bad friend. Ruined so many lives. Should have been me instead.

Can you see how somebody like me would fixate on Blitzø and really connect with how tormented he is over that fire that took his mother? The realization of my worst fears - his family knowing it was his action that caused it, and HATING him for it.

Can you see how dismissing his trauma, or justifying how his family reacted to it might seriously do damage to REAL people that can relate to this part of Blitzø? I have come a very long way since 2013, but if this episode dropped 5 or 6 years ago (and I was able to even watch it without being incredibly triggered), those comments would DESTROY me. I am able to talk about this now in a more productive way, but my story isn't that unique. Horrific accidents happen all the time. Think of how many car accidents happen among young people, how many of those accidents might have been caused by a driver that wasn't thinking in the moment. A kid who left the oven on. Didn't accompany their sibling to the park, and the sibling never came home. Tiny, tiny things that every person could and would do, that have haunting consequences.

Cash and Barbie are not real people. WE are. Somebody out there who heard statements like that or read these comments who isn't as far along in healing as I am might be in a seriously dark place right now. Please be sensitive to how you could be hurting those people.

And to those people - this might not be something you're ready to hear - but you need to give yourself grace. I'm not going to tell you that your actions didn't lead to whatever happened. You know that they did, I'm not going to convince you otherwise. What I want you to know is that had you known the consequences, you would have done all you could to prevent it. Intent MATTERS. You CAN accept your actions and it STILL not be your fault at the same time. You don't know what would have happened if you did this or that. No, shut up and listen to me: YOU DON'T KNOW what would have happened had you acted differently. People love you and care about you, and they do for a reason. None of us are without sin, without blame. It's okay. You don't need to punish yourself. And don't listen to these insensitive folks, they don't know better. If anybody hates you for what happened, please know that they are wrong for that. And yes, that includes you.

I've seen like three separate people saying some really dismissive stuff about Blitzø and the fire, from a flippant comment like "well the fire was an accident but the truth is he DID kill his mum" to the downright gross - and I shit you not - "I can understand why Cash and Barbie would hate him for that"

I just want to remind y'all that while this is a fictional show, accidents like that fire do happen in real life. There are people out here who connect with Blitzø's trauma. Please be mindful of how those comments can come off.

[silusvesuius]

n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.

[lisbonsteresa]

you don't get how crazy i'm going over this

[confinesofmy]

me and my cousin were talking about how my cousin that's always pissing me off has been getting progressively more cruel in her interactions with me and she asked "am i ever like that" and while she was asking for herself that is kind of a pivotal question for me as well. because no. in no world is that the case. and as i was thinking about that it occurred to me that actually no one is being quite as foul in their interactions with me as that one cousin is and i haven't really been treated like this in many years. it's kind of crazy actually. i've been thinking i was crazy. but no. this is a crazy situation and it's time to exit it.

[worrywrite]

To be clear, I am spit balling what-ifs here.

But I do have some ideas because of this response.

So, what Harrows parents did isn't siphoning per se. Siphoning extracts thalergy (? I get them mixed up every time, I might mean thanergy here) from a living creature with consent. But the neurotoxin killing cells (because it is living cells dying that produces it, not specifically people) produces thanergy which is much wilder and harder to harness when released and so you either need an insane level of mastery to harness it or an absurd abundance of it to harness what you need to do something like making a fetus a necromancer. So what I'm actually positing here in my what if is less "what if they just siphoned Gideon" and more of "what if they scarred Gideon for life, physically, and made her an immortal thanergy tap for their daughter." The 200 other kids died too, they got fated into Harrows life. But the reason it worked is because the volume of thanergy was so absurd. 200 kids on its own produces a lot, way more than enough if you have insane levels of control and mastery. But Gideon is also straight up at least 50% immortal and her cells don't die like they should (or if they do they regenerate at a stupid rate, which I feel like is more accurate based off of the few times we see her fight with serious wounds). That's fact. But exposing her to neurotoxin still might have released thanergy, and I'm saying it was likely well in the range of 100x what they were expecting.

Now, what necromancy actually is, is not well known for us as readers. I personally think it's a combination of biological mutation to be able to detect thanergy and thalergy (like a mutation in the optic nerve) combined with a certain sort of spiritual corruption or mutation that allows for the direct manipulation of those energies. And that's why you can get situations like Pyrrha, Nona, and Camilla who have varying degrees of mismatched bodies and souls with limited capacity for necromancy.

Anyway, what I'm saying is that Gideon might well have a recessive gene for the physical mutation because she's descended from a first generation necromancer, and she may well have the complete (and probably enhanced) spiritual mutation. And normally this wouldn't work, but she also has a few things going for her. Namely, she's John and Wake's kid. So the mismatching wouldn't harm her as much or at all due to her physical resilience.

I have a theory that the sicklyness of the nine houses is less to do with them being able to do necromancy and more to do with them being exposed to the undead sun. They live in an undead solar system, thanergy is leeching into everything. It's the essence of death and dying and decay. It's going to make them physically weaker. Not all at once, of course, but gradually over the course of the many generations of the myriad. They're not getting that same vitamin d anymore. They're getting the solar radiation form of mountain dew.

But Gideon is essentially a genetic foreigner. No generational deterioration. If anything, she's the most human human in the universe by modern standards. No one in her family line was ever reincarnated with necromancy (ish, im iffy on if John ever really died in a literal way, since it wasn't required for his lyctorhood even if it's sort of symbolically implied), or lived among the nine houses in proximity to the undead sun.

And, you know. The more I think about it. The weirder it is that the sun is relying on John's power to keep on. Because the sun doesn't have living cells, not in an organism or a planet way. The sun is a dense pocket of gasses that has stuck together to the point of creating a self sustaining fusion reaction (primarily hydrogen, helium, and argon? I think? Actually I've checked and it's mostly just hydrogen and helium, and some other elements). Anyway it's weird that the sun isn't self sustaining anymore. If the physical elements to make a star are still there in enough volume to be a star it should be self sustaining. So... Maybe it isn't actually a star anymore? Maybe it's just sort of a glowing mass? Like a really big and heavy grow light. Just dense enough to keep the gravitational forces of the solar system in check, but no longer sustaining nuclear fusion reactions and emitting the proper life giving spectra.

That was a detour. Sorry. What I'm saying is, generations of no real sunlight have caused genetic degradation in the nine houses. Gideon does not have that. Gideon also can't see or sense thanergy and thalergy, which would be a problem, except that you kind of need both the physical and the spiritual change for either to work.

I'm going to continue my scar theory here and say that a traumatic enough wound, even when healed, could have been enough to alter Gideons body to the point where she could no longer perceive or benefit from the mutation that allows necromancer to detect life and death energy. If she has it at all, that is. Being the daughter of John, I'm confident she has whatever spiritual changes needed to do necromancy, but she doesn't exhibit any of the physical changes needed. Maybe the low physical health is part of it, maybe it isn't, but whatever physical thing sets necromancer apart Gideon doesn't have it (at least anymore). I guess the short of this theory is "what if she had it, but the neurotoxin incident damaged her to the point she lost it."

Man I could have said that a lot more efficiently. Wild, though. Right?

What if Harrow is, not just a powerful necromancer, but a necromancer at all because her parents actually successfully drained it off of baby Gideon while she was being exposed to neurotoxin.

What if Gideon was or was supposed to be a necromancer. And they took that from her and gave it to Harrow.

What if Harrow has been living off a small and quiet siphon of her horrible situationship her whole life. Not just making her suffer because they're stuck together in a small dying colony, by because it is part of her nature.

What if the 200 other children did next to nothing, but a sliver of Gideon made all the difference. Harrows parents wouldn't have been able to do anything at all without that sliver, it should have been impossible. They were deranged. They were insane and desperate in the way that only religious zealots can be. But they just so happened to accidentally be in possession of a portion of their gods power made flesh.

Or, maybe the worst possible theory of the neurotoxin incident. What if the neurotoxin didn't make it through the vents at all. The aunts did it wrong, and most of it blew back at them. But the reverend father and reverend mother didn't know that, how could they have, they expected there to be a large explosion of thanergy, and it was just Gideon. Just Gideon, nestled up right next to the vent where only a gasp of toxin came through and went right to get her and her alone. And, like some natural reflex, she sucked dry the life force of 200 children to survive. And the reverend father and mother just sucked on the dregs of that. They didn't actually succeed at anything. Harrow was never the product of a small genocide. It was just Gideon. Just a child with godly power sleeping, blissfully unaware they were a monster the whole time.

[theirloveisgross]

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