#I don't mean it's impossible that he had a bad childhood but my bet is that it was more average than anything

[dunmeshistash]

I don't think we can really infer much about how his childhood was but I think "relatively privileged" as in he had an "average" Childhood sound accurate

Half-foots that leave their hometowns are usually looking for a better life, so it makes sense that after he and his wife left they never came back

Chilchuck had a big house where he lived with his wife and daughters so they probably live a better life now than they did in their hometown, if you come from a small town and move into the big city and live there for most of your adult life I don't think you'd want to go back? Plus it's implied by Marcille's story his wife might be waiting for him to meet with her again but he never did (he also rented his house to relatives so he probably didn't cut them off entirely, he seems to have trouble keeping relationships in general since he wasn't able to mend things with his own wife, actually he didn't even try)

He was canonically a fresh faced little guy when he started adventuring so I think he probably had a relatively normal upbringing compared to how Mickbell started out

His trouble with relationships could be due to his childhood and maybe how he is almost strangers with the rest of his siblings is a testament to that but just pointing out his roughness and cynicism seem to have at least gotten worse after he started adventuring

Which again I guess contrasts with Mickbell who has a much better life after starting with adventures

If Mikbell is a foil for Chilchuck (cowardly to Chils bravery, scab to Chils union leader, Kuro parents Mik while Chil tries to father Izutsumi and so on) and Mik grew up homeless and without anyone does that mean Chilchuck had a (relatively?) privileged upbringing with lots of friends and family?

Chilchuck has a big family and his estranged wife, who he had 3 kids with, was a childhood friend

So I suppose so! And even opposite to Mickbell who now has people he's close to Chilchuck now lives away from his family and avoids getting too close to others cause he's so focused in work

[double--blind]

(SPOILERS) Ashley, self-esteem, and starvation

So, I adore Ashley. She's this intensely toxic, vicious, cruel, manipulative girl, and her psychology gives me hella brainworms. Andrew's not the only one whose head I wanna crack open and root around lol. She's thrown away the world just to keep her brother by her side, and she'll continue to do worse and worse for the same reason. She's pretty awful! I've been thinking about why, though. How did things get so bad? How did her soul get so dark?

We don't know everything (I'm waiting for those new eps patiently aND CLAWING AT THE WALLS AND FROTHING AT THE MOUTH but whatevs y'know whatevs I'm normal. I'm fine), yet what information we have been given is bumping around my brain like a DVD screensaver on hyperdrive

It's clear from the start that the roots of Ashley's issues lie in her horrible, neglectful upbringing, but it's hinted that even those outside of her family felt the same abt her. I'm lowkey even betting we'll learn later on that she was ostracized by her peers somehow. However, what's most disconcerting, I believe, is how little she was when the results of this alienation are first made apparent to us (bc kids aren't dumb; they notice this stuff oftentimes instinctively, impossibly young, before they even know what it means to be hated), and how devastating the consequences were.

(There's something decidedly childish abt her dream sequence in the "questionable" route—filled with crayon scribbles and rabbit plushies, the metaphors simplistic yet profound—which really hammers in how these sentiments are things that have made a home in her since childhood. Formative subconscious truths.)

Growing up unloved and noticeably unwanted by virtually everyone around her likely left her with a gaping hole in her heart that she'd spend the rest of her life trying to fill. She'd make friends, but she'd always worry that they'd leave her, that they'd betray her, nothing tangible or weighted enough in their connection to trust in its persistence. Why should she expect otherwise? Not even being bound by familial ties ensures affection if her parents are any indication.

Every lesson she'd ever learned had always taught her this: you are easy to abandon. You cannot love and be loved by virtue of your own worth.

You have to rip their affection from their clenched hands if you want it so bad.

This understanding carries with it an undercurrent of degradation, instilling within Ashley a constant, biting inferiority complex which will never fail to be a source of insecurity. She will always be put last. She was difficult to raise, so her parents gave up on raising her. She was difficult to get along with, so her friends gave up on getting along with her.

It's an odd cycle. She's difficult bc she needs to be to get attention, but bc she's difficult, she can't keep it. Not without having whatever fondness she's managed to cultivate within someone fray at the seams, volatile and prone to collapse, bleeding toxicity.

Hence, her relationship w/Andrew.

By being the only reliable constant in her life, caring for her and keeping her company, Andrew essentially became her only source of happiness, and she's since learned not to bother with anyone else. Still, it's dangerous to keep all your eggs in one basket; since he is all she has, she must protect her place in his life with even greater ferocity, which becomes a torturous ordeal when coupled with her damaged self-esteem.

It's apparent in her quarrels with Andrew that she needs constant reassurance that she is wanted in some capacity or perceived in some positive light (getting pouty when Andrew says he's "stuck with her", needing to hear that she's pretty, needing him to "choose her", wanting him to say he loves her back, etc. etc.), yet her insecurity remains, bc unlike her, he's got options. She doesn't think he needs her like she needs him. He's got a gf, their parents love him, her friends love him. Why would he settle for her? What if someone better comes along? Someone she can't scare away?

Wouldn't he just leave her like everyone else?

Even before getting locked in the coffin of their apartment, starvation's been a constant theme in Ashley's life. She's constantly aching for love, and Andrew's the only one who can feed her. When you're forced to fight for a bite to eat or suffer every moment you hunger, you become ravenous—covetous—when faced with food; you don't want the hunger to return, so you lock down the source of your sustenance, wary of its retreat. Ashley's in a permanent state of intense insecurity, always anxious that the love that gives her life will leave her.

Andrew knows Ashley better than anyone else in the world, and it's obvs to everyone and him how desperate Ashley is for him, but I don’t think Andrew has truly, consciously processed the depth of that desperation. It's there buried in his head somewhere no doubt, but rn, he doesn't operate w/the direct awareness that he is everything. He is brother, mother, friend, and soulmate. He is life and love, air and water, everything that is good in the world—everything that there is to justify existence.

It's heartbreaking, in a way, that it's so difficult for Andrew to convince her of his loyalty. This goes further than his tendency to hide his true feelings, bc when push comes to shove, he's at her beck and call. Objectively, he's hers. She doesn't see that bc all she sees is all the ways she can lose him.

So, she gets bratty. She gets pushy, possessive, territorial. Manipulative. Gets under his skin, guilts him to exhaustion, bc she can't see him staying any other way, bc he doesn't get it, bc it works. He bends to her will, for her sake. For now. It's always "for now", bc he'll start slipping away again, and then it'll get worse. She does worse.

Becomes worse.

[noa-ciharu]

I’ve heard interpretations in some places that Mitsuki, that girl Subaru helped out her coma, was his first love or something because of a line he said about his heart hurting.

What do you think ?

I don't think that's the case. When we remember something from early childhood it's usually emotions we felt back then that we remember, not specific details.

Subaru seems wrapped up around only one memory of Mitsuki, one where he feels pain and sadness due to her calling him 'not normal'. It's feeling of sadness, self-doubt and self-consciousness he recall here, not one of love. If he really had crush on her (hence her being different from the rest in his eyes) my bet is that Subaru would remember something else aside this one scene. But he does not. It boils down to Subaru's 'everyone is special hence no one is' outlook on life that lead to Mitsuki stating how she hates him because he's not normal hoping she'll stand out in his eyes.

It's her words that hurt Subaru, not the fact precisely she said them. The fact he dreamt about her day before meeting her again could be combination of aforementioned and Subaru's special abilities as a medium as Seishirou said here (plus this is not the only time in Tokyo Babylon he has precognitory dreams).

In my opinion root of Subaru's self-value issues is him possessing abilities that separate him for the rest and self-destructive level of empathy. Aside that little cameo with Mitsuki (which we saw ended on bad note) we never see Subaru having prolonged interactions with kids his age. Aside Hokuto it's possible he never bonded with anyone. Deep down he felt alienated all his life, thus different from the rest; 'not normal' if you will. Of course, it's next to impossible to define what 'normal' means in larger scope as Seishirou mentioned in that chapter but I think that's aside the point here because what matters truly is what Subaru felt, not what is objective reality. And he did feel different from the rest in negative sense of word. If read with queer subtext in mind Subaru 'not being normal' could also be an allegory for him not being straight but lacking knowledge to understand why he feels like fish out of water. That could be one of many reasons why he feels that way and why being labeled as 'not normal' still hurts him years later.

That's why I think Mitsuki being his crush (standing out in Subaru's eyes) would contradict the narrative how he's not normal because he treats everyone with same kindness and empathy.

[mainstoryarchive]

Ensemble - 130: Conclusion

Jin: 'Uh, ahem.'

[Read on my blog for the best viewing experience with Oi~ssu ♪]

Location: Auditorium (LIVE)

Jin: 'Uh, ahem.'

'The final match of the DDD has been heating up quite a bit… For the time being we'll be counting the votes.'

'As for the people in the audience, please sit in your seats while you wait.'

(Oh, this is impressive. A standing ovation from the audience? Is this really a live held by high schoolers…?)

(Even I have only seen this sight a few times.)

(Even though there are seats, people are standing up and jumping around in ecstasy.)

(Gathering the votes is gonna be troublesome, to be honest. As for me, I wouldn't be displeased with a 'you both did your best, you both win'.)

(But those kids wouldn't be happy with that, right? This isn't a child's imagining of the entertainment world, they've already put a foot in the eye-for-eye entertainment world.)

(Their childhood in which just working hard earned them high points has ended, and they leaped into adult society, where numbers, logic and the results are the only things that matter.)

(But well, if it's you guys… I get the feeling that you will be able to fly even higher than I did.)

(Your teacher is satisfied. You did well, youth sure is nice ♪)

Akiomi: Jin! Don't space out over there, come help out with the votes! Actually, first stop trying to crouch down like a delinquent, you're on stage, that's embarrassing!

You're a failure both as a teacher of Yumenosaki Academy and as a human!

Jin: Ehh, but Akiyan you're also saying a public taboo by saying stuff like delinquent.

A machine'll do the counting anyways, right? We should just lay back and wait ♪

Akiomi: We can't do that, real people should properly check it! Machines have malfunctions and errors, in the end we can only trust humans!

To think this would be the result… I can't believe it! Why is it those trouble-makers? I can't come to terms with this, we have to count again properly! One, two, three!

Jin: Oh, what's wrong? Could it be that Trickstar actually won?

Akiomi: Th-That's impossible!

Because of the fact that most of the audience gave both units the highest possible amount of points, the results are extremely close!

So much that the slightest calculation error turns the tables!

As such, Jin! You also have to help gathering the votes! We'll compare all the data and we'll calculate the results precisely!

Jin: Hmm. Akiyan, you're so fussy about the details, you'll go bald, you know?

Akiomi: Cut it out with the insults, I'll sue you for slander!

Jin: (He's on edge, well, we are encountering a situation that's normally unimaginable. Akiyan has been bad with things like that from the time he was still an active idol.)

(To think that those idiots… That Trickstar would put up such a good fight against Yumenosaki's top idol group, fine.)

(If we were at the horse racing track, the betting tickets would be dancing in the air ♪)

If it was such a close fight, then we might have to go into overtime.

Akiomi: That might be true, however Tenshouin-kun doesn't have enough stamina left for an encore.

Which means that if we go in overtime, fine will automatically lose… But that's physically impossible! I won't agree to it!

Argh, this is why I was opposed to this from the start! Because the DDD is composed of a harsh series of battles, it would be too reckless for the sickly Tenshouin-kun to participate in it!

As a teacher who has high consideration for his students' well-being, I should have stood more firm in stopping him!

Jin: Letting the students do what they want to do is also the duty of a teacher, right?

Tenshouin also had a reason to do this, even if it would be hard and painful for him. You have to respect his choice ♪

No matter what the result may be, he'll be able to accept it. Because this is the path he chose for himself.

…Isn't that right? But hey, you guys. You're not listening even though your teacher is saying something nice, are you?

More importantly, don't show your weakened self on stage. Though I do get that you're tired.

Subaru: … …

…You're noisy, Sagami-chan.

(I-I did everything I could! I don't know what the results are, but we were able to get through the live fighting with even more than everything we have! I'm feeling super accomplished ☆)

(But that tired me out! If even we are like this, what about the president that had already received damage consecutively before this…?)

[ ☆ ]

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[wonunuu]

iris beauty ❀

8: hallucinations or memories of the past

✎ synopsis: falling for a guy is never easy, especially when your best friend of many years basically claimed him; you and mina have been friends for as long as you can remember, but your loyalty and trust are tested when she asks you to pretend to be her in meeting a guy she had been talking to online and you unintentionally start to develop feelings for him.

✎ genre: romance, angst, drama, comedy

✎ pairing: reader x yoon jeonghan

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a/n: i totally forgot it's update day today lmao. also the written part is so bad,, i think i wrote it at like 1 in the morning 🥴🥴 but like yeahh send me your thoughts!! i love reading them ☺️☺️☺️

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wc: 900+

The day has arrived. Today, you will be going to one of South Korea’s famous landmarks, Seoul Tower, where you will meet up with your best friend’s boyfriend—yes, your best friend’s boyfriend. “Final spin,” Mina orders you and you oblige, twirling to show her the outfit she had picked out for you. It was a lavender coloured loose cami dress layered with a white cardigan, and paired with white converse. As for accessories, you wore silver studs and bracelets Mina had bought, along with your golden necklace with an iris flower pendant, a gift from your parents. Though it didn't match the other silver accessories, you still kept it as it held very special memories from your childhood with your parents. 

“I don't know why we had to go full out,” you complain pointing to your outfit. “I’m just gonna meet him for a little while anyways.”

“Definitely not. I told you you need to match my clothing style. And I thought we agreed on no complaints?” Mina pouts, knowing it will hit you right in the gut. You roll your eyes at your friend and her persuasive skills, “Fine. No more complaints, sadly.”

“You look so cute!” Mina chirps, hugging and squeezing the life out of you. 

“When is he coming?” you asked. The two of you had been preparing in the parking lot of the tower, waiting for Jeonghan to arrive. “We agreed to meet around 4 o’clock. It’s five ‘till four, he should be here soon. You should go wait in the entrance,” Mina instructs. “I’ll be right behind you guys.” Although she wasn’t gonna meet Jeonghan herself, she still wanted to see the boy. She didn’t want to be noticeable, so she wore a black hoodie, skinny jeans and sunglasses. 

“Okay.” You took a deep breath, looking at Mina who was staring at you fondly. 

“Thank you so much, YN. Tell what he sounds like later, okay?” 

“I will.” 

-- 

As you wait for Jeonghan at the entrance of the tower, you peek a glance at Mina who was standing about five meters from where you stood, looking around for the boy whom she didn't know the face of. Eventually, she meets you and gives a thumbs up—a sign of encouragement. You smile in response, and go back to waiting. 

“Excuse me,” a man says, snapping you out of your trance. “Could he possibly be Jeonghan?” you thought, but when you saw him, you held in a laugh. It was a man in his forties—the possibility of him being Jeonghan is impossible. And the key giveaway is that he has a child with him, guessing she’s at the age of five or six. 

“Do you know where we can buy the tickets to go in?” he asks. “I'm pretty sure if you go in and turn right, the booth should be there,” you inform him as you point in the direction. He gives you a thank you before going in, you watched the father and daughter enter the building, hoping you didn't give the wrong directions. When you turn back, you spot a boy dressed in an orange shirt, light blue jeans and gray coat walking your way. 

“Hi,” he greets. “Are you perhaps Mina?” He asks. His face looks soft and gentle; beautiful chocolate brown almond-shaped eyes, nose perfectly centered on his face, and his lips resembled the colour of a peach. His hair was styled up, revealing his forehead. 

He looked immaculate, and from the side of your eye, you knew Mina thinks the same way as she has completely stopped functioning to stare at the man in front of you. 

“Jeonghan?” you say. He nods and smiles. You contemplate whether you should greet him with a hug or not, but your thoughts are interrupted when Jeonghan gives you a compliment. “You look wonderful.” He says and you feel your cheeks flush warm, turning red. You look down at the floor then back at him. “Thank you. You too, you look amazing.” You reply. 

“Shall we go in?” He asks, offering his hand for you to hold. For a second, you thought he was moving too fast, but quickly remembered that Mina and him have been dating for weeks now. You then place your hand on his and he interlaced his fingers with yours, locking it tightly, before walking into the building.

--

“Tell me more about yourself,” you inquire as the two of you sit on the chairs placed near the window that viewed the countless buildings in the city below. Jeonghan takes a breath, “Uhm let’s see. Well, I like sports and I can say that I'm quite good at them.” He brags, straightening his shoulders, looking proud. You giggle in response. “How shameless,” you thought. 

“I bet I can beat you at badminton.” You teased. Mina and you have been playing badminton since you were young. You were confident in your skills as you've had quite a lot of experience with the sport. “There's only one way to test out your theory,” Jeonghan replied. You scoffed, “Theory? Theory? FYI, Mina- I mean my best friend and I have been playing the sport since we were little. She never managed to beat me.” You inform him, almost slipping your words, but you corrected them quickly. 

“Then we should schedule another meet up, and this time, it will be at the court.” He leans to you smirking, eyebrows raised. You nod. “Shit. I got carried away."

“Great!” He cheers. “I look forward to meeting you again, Mina.” 

“Me too. I had a lot of fun today. Thank you.” You replied while Jeonghan looked at you fondly.

He then approaches you carefully, wrapping his arms around your figure, and you do the same. Before pulling away completely, Jeonghan gives you a soft peck on your cheeks. Your heart starts to race, but you shut it out as this is just a kiss for Mina, not you. 

After he departs, you look for Mina. You see her a few meters behind you, smiling.

---

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tags:

@yyxyzti @acciofirewhiskey @doiewonu @shuajeong @wooziverse @boogyuu @rjsmochii @haniehae @twentysixofmays @suhfluffy @sydneyy-jade @itsdnguyenxoxo @dancingddays @lovingyu04 @fluffyhyeju @haoraecane @dy-mglzz @1800zuho @t-secretpot @floweryjeons @yaebbinnie @t-secretpot @not-sojoyuus @xcalicoups @ryuyalana @bubblywonu @youbloominsideofme @lavenonie @winternight-wonwoo @muhanuibean @mariecoura @juji-han @strawbinnie-shortcake @isa499 @pseudoyop @serenadesvt @glouraeswei @glowingjaehyun @sunflowergyeomie @kunmaid @apricottulips @hao-ling @cheolright @pancakeandfrogs @elcie-chxn @yanniezx @jeonjungkaka @scoffingscully @sunflower-euphro @monstathedisco

unable to tag: @tyongs @jeongjungkaka @jammyjamjamss @hauntedprincessarbiter

add your @ here!

[bxllafanficc]

¡Skate/sing your hearts out! (Yuri Plisetsky x reader)

(part four)

Part one. Part two. Part three. Part five. Masterlist

Summary:After last year's cancellation of Figure Skating Grand Prix, Yuri Plisetsky finds himself unable to bring out his inner skater after a year of doing nothing but enjoy life like a regular teenager. That's when you enter the picture; We Are Voice Grand Awards's currently hottest competitive vocalist come first place two years in a row. Just like the other competitors of Grand Prix, it turns out that Victor and Yuuri faces the same issue. With an arrangement between Victor and Yakov, they agree to travel to Japan and hire you as a mutual coach for Yuri and Yuuri to help bring back the emotion into their performances like before, maybe even more intense than ever. Yuri however, who's never experienced issues with his coaches before, for some reason finds this one particularly difficult to coexist along with in their (reasonably) odd partnership. Warnings: none

*Your POV*

Your eyes scanned through the fully stocked room that came to be yours a couple of days ago. Fairly large and a great window where the sun came to welcome you each morning. Not even the blinds could stop it. Now it was fairly dark inside since the sun was about to go down. You reached for the light switch and scanned through all your products and belongings for things that you could possibly move somewhere else.

The grunt of the Russian skater behind you caused you to turn around. As you did, he stopped and returned your stare, as if waiting for you to announce something. There was a lot that you needed to clean up. If you had known that you'd be expecting a roommate, you'd already have done so. Guess Victor forgot to mention that too, eh?

The visible twitch in the corner of your left eye was impossible to force back. Just at the mere thought of unintentional (?) screwups of the one and only Victor Nikiforov. Now, just because he was your childhood friend, it didn't mean that he wouldn't receive a massive ass-whooping if he as much as repeated the same mistake three times the same day now the few remaining hours of the day. If only you could get that message through.

And, you kind of did. Just not to the man you intended. Yuri at the receiving end of your stare was just about to open his mouth to say something, what you assume, sour when he noticed the twitching of your eye. Surprisingly, it shut him up before he started. He kind of shielded himself behind one of his bags and eyed you carefully.

Shit, wrong Russian dude.

"Sorry, that was meant for Victor." You let out a sigh and helped him with one of his bags out in the hall. You got a simple nod from the boy just before you passed him in the doorway.

He's been acting all quiet and confused ever since you tended to his wounds. Was something you said unclear? Maybe you should make sure the two of you were on the same page. 'Later...' you thought.

Yuuri and Victor hurried to the entrance of your room with a couple of more bags.

"So what do you think about it, Yuri? Pretty special eh?" It was Yuuri who spoke up, probably just as an act of friendliness. Though, you could understand how a punk like Yuri might take it as teasing.

"I'm not staying here. There's- there is no way I'm sharing a room with another person. I should have my own room. Why can't Victor and (Y/n) share a room and I get my own?!"

Ah, there he is. You were starting to get worried that he might actually turn nice. Then you'd have to call an ambulance just to ease Yakov's mind if he ever found out.

"With that thief? Nuh-uh. He already owes me an entire bottle of lotion, a mascara and a lipgloss. And for some reason, my throwaway razors are gone too. I'm not endangering any more of my stuff to him!" You shot a glare at Victor but he intentionally pretended not to hear nor see you. Seriously?

"Just lock them up or something, I don't care. Maybe I should just sleep on the couch. Give me one reason why it's worth sharing this room with you."

You didn't really know why you felt so opposed to the thought of him sleeping on the couch. You should be relived that you wouldn't have to share room with The Russian punk. But you still mumbled the one sentence after taking a brief moment to carefully word out your reason.

"What did you say?"

"... I have a cat."

The silence following almost made you feel like the scene of these weird soap operas that streamed on tv once in a while. But you did have a cat. A beautiful sacred Birman with the eyes of an ocean. And you knew about Yuri's fascination with them. Victor mentioned it somewhere along the lines when discussing his arrival days ago. And if you had to give him one reason, then that would be the one. It's probably the only reason too.

"Where." It wasn't a question. It almost made you giggle but you kept a straight face. Victor who knew the reason behind your words, almost cracked under the pressure.

"He's probable sleeping under the blanket on my bed, as always-"

Yuri pushed Victor aside with a stern 'move' and headed for your bed. A little anxious, you followed him through the entrance, afraid that he would be like one of those crazy catpeople who never stopped bothering their cat. You worried because you were one of those people. But because your cat was rather clingy too and you always had a bunch of stuff to do daytime, it kind of evened out the contrast. Two crazy people were too much, you figured.

"Well, we'll go off now and let you two bond now. Don't forget that we're having afternoon tea in an hour!" And with that, Victor and Yuuri was out of the picture. For awhile.

A round uneven pile under you blanket made Yuri stop at the end of the bed. You stood beside him as he lifted the blanket, revealing the fuzzy ball that was your cat. Round eyes stared up at the both at you and the cat stretched it's back, making a 'u' position.

"His name is Magnolia. You'll have to apologize to him for interrupting his sleepy time though." You half expected Yuri to scoff at your statement, thinking you were taking the animal too seriously. But the baby voice he used to communicate with Magnolia next almost had you taking a step back.

"Hi, Magnolia... 'm sorry, pretty boy. You'll have to forgive me, I'm afraid." He kept on talking to the sleepy cat as he extended a hand for him to smell. Magnolia yawned and gave the hand a sniff before sitting up, eyes intensely staring into the boy's soul. You could tell by the hesitation of Yuri's petting hand that he really wanted the cat's approval. He cat kept staring him straight in the eyes which usually means bad. Though, the purring heard from his belly said the opposite. You finally relaxed a little. Magnolia is very picky with who gets to touch him and you were expecting a bite, honestly.

"He's always been so stare-y... I've figured that he only stare at people he like or something he finds very interesting." You crouched down beside Yuri and rested with your arms at the bedside.

"Like owner, like cat, I guess then. I feel like he has the exact same piercing gaze you gave me earlier." Yuri grinned smugly at you and turned back his attention to the ball of fur who stood up, stroking its back to your chin. A little heat rose to your cheeks and you hoped Magnolia covered it up well enough with his body. It was kind of true. And you couldn't really deny it. You always did watch things a little to intense. But just because you found people very interesting, always seeking to improve your understanding and emotional range at any given time. So you shrugged your shoulders and coughed a little when the cat made sure to get his butt all up in your face too. This habit, you had noticed, was a trait almost every cat held within them.

"You're going to object or what?" Yuri caught your attention again and Magnolia moved away from your face just in time. So he was expecting some kind of denial.

"You're not wrong... You've just got the wrong idea of it."

"What do you mean?"

"You should probably start getting yourself settled here. We only have one hour."

"You didn't answer me." Yuri's remark left unanswered as well as you stood up and threw a bag at him. A light 'oof' slipped through him as the heavy thing hit him right in the stomach.

"Hey!"

You grinned and opened another bag, pouring the internal onto the floor. Tons of clothes splattered on the floor. Everything in-between black training clothes to underwear and a pajamas with cat prints. A keychain with a chibi cat and a stuffed animal of a tiger fell out on the floor lastly on top of the pile. Yuri quickly made his way to the clothes and gathered them in his arms, trying to hide them away. It was worth taking an extra look at the blush staining his cheeks. You wondered if you'd just met a fellow catmerch fan as instense as you. No, this was far crazier than you! Especially as you recognized the keychain being a print of his own cat that you'd seen on a social media Yuri Plisetsky fanpage once.

"Y-you can't touch my stuff! Nor see it!" His voice was a good blend of anger and a thick stain of embarrassment.

Maybe it wasn't ideal poring someone else's belongings onto the floor. But you knew that look that Yuri bearded only moments ago. The cat had taken him as his loyal servant and Yuri wasn't intending to move until he had satisfied Magnolia's every need. If you let that happen, it would take the entire hour you had to clean up the room. And you clearly didn't have that time.

"Just hurry up and help me then if I'm not allowed to touch it!"

"Fine! And move your stupid clothes and stuff over to your half of the room!"

(A/N: Shoutout to my cat who gave me the entire butt-in-face idea through experience. I really owe you one, you little jerk<3 Also, what have you thought of the story so far? I bet you Victor has planned a familiar exercise for tomorrow's day of training. Just a little helping hand to get Yuri back into shape, y'know;))

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x11 - Linger

Quick note: I am SO sorry at how painfully late this is. I wasn't able to watch on Monday night because the police helicopter decided to sit over my apartment yelling loud threats to peaceful protesters when the episode aired politics. And then I had late meetings for work Wed and Thurs. And weekend things. Excuses, excuses though. I will try to do better next week this week.

EPISODE SUMMARY:

SECRETS AND LIES -- Driven by the prospects of her scientific research, Liz (Jeanine Mason) opens up to Diego (guest star Cleo Anthony) about all the good her findings could do. Meanwhile, Max (Nathan Dean) enlists Kyle's (Michael Trevino) help getting to the bottom of the recent abductions, while Michael (Michael Vlamis) does his own investigating into Alex's disappearance. Elsewhere, after learning more about her mother Louise, Isobel (Lily Cowles) pays a visit to Rosa (Amber Midthunder), in hopes that Rosa could help her begin to heal. Franklin Vallette directed the episode written by Ariana Quiñónez & Deirdre Mangan.

DETAILS:

Liz and Diego flashback from Denver the night he proposed. The science:

"Administering a lethal dose of radiation to observe a particular neoblast… It's a regenerative master cell. The only one with this protein. I mean, this particular cell was able to multiply, diversify, and reanimate my worm."

"Wait, so observing the master gets you the underlying mechanisms of tissue regeneration."

"Then I apply the mechanism to human tissue, and irreversible injury and degradation become distant memory. I know this isn't going to happen in our lifetime, but this could be a step to help."

Diego proposed to Liz in the lab at nearly midnight. She didn't seem to see the proposal coming, but she also didn't hesitate to say yes.

A neoblast is a part of a worm. I was so disappointed. I thought it sounded like some badass science thing.

Um...everything Liz is talking about is REAL. Check this out!

Present time, both Max and Liz waking up by alarm after falling asleep working.  Liz's lab work we know a fair amount about and there's nothing specifically revealing about her wake up, but Max's is more interesting.  Max fell asleep, while writing alien symbols in his journal.  There's two empty vials of antidote in the box we saw last week (though we know he took one at the end of last week's episode.  There's also an empty bottle of acetone.

Max, Liz, and Isobel at the Crashdown. Isobel used her powers to get in and apparently immediately put on antennae and made coffee. 

Max immediately reacted when Liz said she was with Maria. Which, note that it is a little odd that Maria is out of town with Crash Con starting, given her pitch last episode and the relevance to her business. 

Now Liz is saying I love you to Isobel too. Once the floodgates open they really really open with her 

"Non-binary intimate companion" 😆

Butyricol has apparently only been used in one highly classified military trial.  What's interesting about that detail to me is that if it's highly classified, how do we know that? All Diego told us last week was that it was only approved for military use.  In order to know that it was only used in one military trial, you'd have to know the details of the military use which, if it's highly classified, would be nearly impossible to get your hands on - even for a senator's son.  IMO, this is probably a bit of a plot screw up/narrative leap.

Liz references Charlie's bioweaponry expertise. Which we, the audience, know about from 2x04, but we didn't actually see Charlie explain any of that to Max and Liz...all she said in 2x08 was "a lot of people want to know what I know."

We are reminded that Alex is out of town, hence why no one is worried about not hearing back from him.

Michael tells Sanders everything they learned about Louise last week & then finds Alex's napkin from Jesse stuck to his boot, with blood on it, and immediately reacts.

Isobel mentions Rosa's sketchbooks in front of Diego, which was risky.  Diego didn't seem to react either, which is weird.

Diego and Liz in the Crashdown.

"Ah, doing some molecular gastronomy."

"Oh, got to stay on top of trends these days. Everything needs to be Instagrammable."

"Look, I was thinking...I bet butyricol uses inducible diphtheria toxins to stun the memory expression neurons into paralysis. See, of we can counteract that, we can get your friend her memories back."

"Would it boost GABA in DLPFC?"

"See, no, you're thinking working memory, not recovery. Think traumatic memory."

I am not smart enough to explain the science in this scene so:

Michael finds Jesse Manes in Alex's house.  Jesse pulls his gun, but Michael uses his powers to disarm him and throw him to the ground.

"You told Alex Tripp gave you this in 1987. That's before the Crashdown ever used this logo."

Accurate, based off of the flashbacks we saw in 2x09. However, how would Michael know that? Unless he has studied the history of the Crashdown Cafe, he wasn't even born yet in 1987.  Unless they changed the logo much later. It would be way more plausible to me for Alex to know that detail than Michael, as someone who spent his childhood hanging out with Liz.  Michael didn't even live in Roswell until 2001.

"I just found out that Alex never made it to Andrews Air Force Base last week.  He's disabled. He has PTSD. So I'm concerned about him."

Isobel tells Rosa that Arturo is lying low.  Which explains why he's not working during Crash Con.

Isobel explains to Rosa why she came. Love that Rosa knew it had to be about Isobel wanting something.

"I am curious about what's in your journals...I didn't really read anything.  I'm trying this new thing where I don't follow every selfish impulse."

"But you still looked.  What are you looking for?"

"Myself.  So to speak. I'm curious about what might be in there from the whole Noah thing."

"You can look.  And if you see something that you want to know about just ask. I'm probably going to tell you to mind your own beeswax, but, you know, shoot your shot."

Kyle and Max in the Wild Pony:

"I was suspended from work today. Craziest thing. I was accused of stealing hospital resources for personal use. There might even be a criminal investigation."

"Look… you're a good person. You probably deserve for me to leave you the hell alone, which is why I wish I didn't have to ask you, but I'm concerned that Project Shepherd might be tied to these abductions."

"You can't ask Alex?"

"He's out of town… Look, I'm just trying to find out who's hurting people."

"I hate having a conscience."

Diego & Liz in the Crashdown kitchen:

"Oh come on, you know damn well no one uses eggshells on purpose in any kind of cooking. You met my meemaw. Don't insult me. You're making calcium carbonate. Is this about regenerating worms?"

"Kind of. I'm testing out a theory. I know I have to recreate it in a sterile environment later, but with my dad laying low in peak tourist season, I haven't been able to spend as much time in the lab."

"The lab that made you sign an NDA. Which is where again?"

"Nice try."

Diego and Liz Flashback #2, celebrating her research grant and study publication:

"The groundbreaking research led by Elizabeth Ortecho is the future of biomedical engineering."

"This grant changes everything. I mean, there is so much more that we can do now. We are really gonna save lives."

"I'm so proud of you. Oh...my God. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. I'm fine. It's just...when I was a kid, I felt trapped in my life. I was just thinking about what this would have meant to me then. To know that the person I am existed. This isn't what the world teaches girls like me to dream."

"What would you do… if you could do anything?"

"I want a Nobel Prize."

"Strong start. Okay what next?"

"Citizenship for my dad.  I want him to not always have to be so scared. And I want to be less angry. I'm angry so much of the time."

"Anger's not so bad. It reminds us that something's not right. And then we change it. And you are gonna change everything. I'm so glad I get to stand beside you while you do."

Back to present:

"Wait, I don't think that's fully…"

"Why are you helping me? I mean my dad, but me."

"You sound like my girlfriend. Naomi was also surprised that I would rush to Roswell to help someone who bulldozed my life."

"I really wish I would have handled things differently."

"But if you had, I wouldn't have Naomi. I mean, I have a good life, Elizabeth. I'm happy. I do miss you at work though. There's really...there's no replacing you there."

"Yeah I get the feeling."

"So wouldn't it feel really good if you would just tell me what your secret experiment is?"

"Hypothetically, let's say there's this rare blood disorder that affects one in four million people. No research, no treatments...Do you remember my planarian neoblasts with the regenerative proteins? So I…" fades off.

Max & Kyle in the bunker

"Searching for the term butyricol. What makes you think it's got a connection to Project Shepherd?"

"The drug was developed by the military. And the only other clue we have is a fractal burn pattern, which is an alien thing."

"And Project Shepherd is in the middle of your alien-military Venn diagram."

"I know. It's a long shot, but it's all I have right now."

"I'm surprised you haven't asked to see this sooner."

"Yeah, I'm still figuring out how much information I want to know. I mean, you ever wake up from a night of drinking and not want to know what happened the night before in case it's worse than you imagined?"

"Like if I don't remember Taylor Swift drag night at Planet 7, then it didn't happen?"

"...When this is done, why don't you let me give you a lift over to Liz's lab? We can load up the stolen equipment so you can return it. She's not using it."

"Nah, we don't have to do that."

"I mean, your handprint gives you access to their security system, right? So, you know, just get in there and return their stuff. Maybe they'll go easier on you if they have it."

Jesse and Flint (in front of Michael)

"Flint, what did you do with your brother?"

"Drop the gun...you can't pull intel from a dead soldier."

"I'd be careful kid. I taught you everything you know, but I didn't teach you everything I know. You wouldn't have showed up unless you wanted my attention. Well here I am. Where is Alex."

"He's safe and sound. I know how concerned you are about his safety. That why you had him locked in the basement? You kidnapped him first, Pops. What do you want from him anyway?"

"You hand him over to me right now."

"No. This time I outrank you, and I haven't granted clearance."

"You outrank me."

"You went soft. My entire life has been about destroying the aliens. That's all I've done.  Develop weapons, develop strategy. Fighting for our species, 'cause you told me."

"I was wrong."

"You can't do that. I don't need you for this, old man."

My question: how much of that was real and how much of that was staged? It seems like it was staged at the beginning, but then it also sort of seemed to go off the rails. It's really unclear to me just how involved Jesse is with Flint and Helena's plan. I'd like to believe a lot. But who knows? One thing I'm fairly confident about though is that Jesse is NOT who initially took Alex from the junkyard. The figure is all wrong for Jesse at the end of 2x10.

Michael uses his powers to steal Jesse's cane and whacks him over the head with it.

"You had him in your basement? What, you took him last week after you got that piece of alien tech from me? He's a loose end. If we got him back from Flint, you were gonna kill him. You are barely human! When I was a kid, I thought maybe because of my high IQ, my species was superior to your. Then I fell in love with your son. And I didn't feel superior anymore.  I am angry. And smashing things, it's easy. Alex has evolved past that. He's past you! And he's past me. Despite you slapping him around, shoving that Manes Man crap down his throat, he still loves. He even loves you. You don't deserve to call him your son."

Max and Kyle trying to get into the lab.

"I was deceased when they made the guest list."

Gah plot issues.  How did Max manage to sneak up on Liz in the lab at the beginning of 2x08 if he doesn't actually have access? 

"Maybe Liz was still pissed about the pollen in my mom's perfume, had Alex revoke my access?"

Yet another plot issue.  Why would Alex do that, even if Liz asked? He and Kyle were teaming up before he even knew that Liz knew about aliens. It makes zero sense that Alex would do that. It would have to be a spite thing from Liz because of her argument with Kyle in 2x09 and there's no guarantee she even has control over the security access for the lab. 

"If Diego was able to find out about this butyricol through his fancy connections, maybe it wasn't a Project Shepherd or Caulfield trial. Maybe it was legit military."

"Military would have some use for something that would erase state secrets from people's minds. They can't spill to the enemy."

"Or you could erase bad memories from soldiers coming home. Or it could be a weapon."

"Erase an army's memories...they don't know what they're fighting for anymore."

"Project Shepherd hasn't been legit in years, so what does Flint Manes do, officially, for the military?"

"He's a weapons specialist. He could have access to biomedical trials."

"Let's go. Find out what he's up to." 

Liz and Diego

"My team at my research facility, we found a rare protein. A mutated gene. You know what? I've said too much. You probably think I'm delusional anyway."

"No, you're not delusional. Elizabeth Holmes was delusional."

"Yeah, well, at least Elizabeth Holmes had funding."

"You can get funding."

HBO recently did a whole documentary on Elizabeth Holmes. I haven't watched it yet, but she seemed craaaazy in the trailer.

Flashback 3, Liz finding out that she lost her funding.

"The second we move from worms to human cells, they pull our funding and that isn't fair."

"I think you should reconsider the Genoryx grant."

"What difference does it make? Every research facility in this country answers to the same uber-conservative Department of Health and Human Services."

"Well, whoever's funding Genoryx isn't super concerned about FDA guidelines. They're above the red tape.  Look, you can start saving the world now."

"I can't do anything shady or secret. I have too much to lose."

"My God, Elizabeth. You don't always have to be this perfect daughter of a perfect immigrant!"

"Yes I do. Because the imperfect daughter is in a box at Frontier Valley Cemetery."

Back to present:

"Genoryx has more money than they know what to do with."

"Just because your office has ping-pong tables and hyperbaric napping chambers, does not mean that Genoryx isn't unethical."

Note: up until this last line it was implied that Diego and Liz were actually working together in the lab.  This line implies that wasn't the case, that Diego actually works for this Genoryx. Which sounds sketchy.  Related to Deep Sky maybe?

Graham Green's interruption, which is certainly going to be relevant to one of the final episodes:

"Greetings, Graham Crackers! Today, a private citizen pledged a donation to the museum that will change the course of human history. At closing night, 7:00 p.m., main stage, I will unveil the most astonishing alien artifact I've seen in all my years of collecting."

Michael chases down Flint Manes, uses his powers to puncture his tire, disarm him, and toss him to the ground.

Isobel and Rosa discussing Helena:

"This is the post-high school chapter, which is really just a big burn book on my mom. Finding out my dad wasn't my dad was bad. It was Liz's senior year when I dumped my drug dealer boyfriend, and I went to this NA meeting. I think that was the first time that I ever actually wanted to get better. But still, I wore a hoodie, I sat in the back, I made myself really invisible. I was...high at the meeting. You can see it if you want to. Jump in."

What Helena says in Rosa's flashback:

"The drinking started when the man I loved left me. That was almost 20 years ago. And I still see him every day. I see him in the street, in my business, but I can handle that. What I can't handle is when I see him in our daughter's eyes. Sometimes I think if we didn't have a child together, I might not hurt so much all these years later. I might not still love him, but I do today. So I drink, and I take pills. And I try not to look my daughter in the eye."

Back to present: 

"Why did you want to show me that?"

"I cannot relate to marrying a body-stealing alien sociopath. You're kind of on your own for that one. But I know that you're feeling messed up over not knowing your real mom. And I guess I just feel like it's worth saying that I wish I knew mine a little bit less."

Note: Again, how does Rosa know any of Isobel's identity issues? I guess we're supposed to assume that either Liz told her about it all, or that she and Isobel are having long, deep, phone conversations on the side?  Because everything that happened with Isobel trying to learn about Louise happened while Rosa was in rehab. 

The Spanish:

"Javi, la migra. Cuídate. Te llamo mas tarde."

Javi, immigration. Beware. I'll call you later.

The ICE officer from 2x10 comes into the Crashdown, threatens, and insults Liz. Liz first tries to get them to leave by offering them free coffee to go, and then the floodgates open and she starts fighting them.  Diego finally convinces them to leave by telling them that the Acting Director of U.S. Customs and Immigration Enforcement is a personal friend. At least the jackass learned how to pronounce her name properly since last episode!  I don't really want to transcribe their insults so I'm gonna leave it at that summary, though if you need me to, just send me an ask.

Kyle and Max search Flint's house. Key points:

Inconsistency! Max's hands are bare when he picks the lock to break into the house, but then he puts gloves on (off camera) when he's searching. But if the point was to avoid fingerprints he just left them all over the door!

Kyle finds a thumb drive that catches his attention for some reason. It's labeled Yucca Blooms LTD. Just as a side point, the Yucca flower is the state flower of New Mexico.

Max finds something in the trash that catches his attention, but we don't see what it is until the end of the episode. 

They get interrupted by a car pulling up and hide in the closet (paralleling Liz and Kyle hiding in the closet in 2x04).

Max finds the sniper rifle in the closet, which was shooting at him and Charlie when they rescued Cam in 2x08. (But Max shot the sniper...just a point.)

Kyle says Max smells like rain.

Kyle spots the hunting van pulling away from Flint's house.

I lied, you can see Max pull the box from the trash can.

Rosa calls Helena's house to hear her mom's voice.  Dirk answers & says:

"Helena? Helena is that you baby? Oh if it is please come home. We've been so worried. I love you so much. If this is the bastard that took her, I hope you rot in hell, you son of a bitch."

Note: why would Rosa have Helena's phone number? That is such a silly plot point. They wouldn't let her see Helena in 2x07 so why would they let her have her phone number? Why would she WANT it? This one kind of bugs me.

In the car driving back to Roswell, Rosa speculates that Helena was abducted leaving town.  Either that or she bailed on her family.

Rosa says she's not done with rehab and wants to go back once they know her mom is ok. Isobel actually seems concerned and asks if she wants to stay longer. Rosa wants to stay until she's better.

Isobel on money, answering one of fandom's oldest questions:

"Listen, Noah was a treacherous, serial-killing alien, but he did have a happy knack for day trading. And… I've been trying to figure out what to do with all that money he left behind...I want to be better too. The more that I learn about Louise, the more I want to be like her. She was a good person and she made a difference. Someone told me recently that they saw a lot of her in me. I really want that to be true."

They stop at the junkyard since Michael is not responding to Isobel. Which...doesn't seem all that out of character for him?

Michael and Flint chatting while Michael violently tortures him:

"So this is the perk of being a weapons specialist, huh?"

"If this is your attempt to convince me that you aren't a horde of violent invaders here to colonize a planet that isn't yours, I mean, you're doing a really bang-up job."

"You know, I was a good kid. I wanted to be an agricultural engineer. Maybe have a couple kids, start a dad band. But then I was provoked. And now I'm this. Maybe there's still hope for you. Your brother Gregory's living a peaceful life teaching kids, staying jacked on the res. And Alex…"

"Alex is a traitor. He'll be court-martialed when this is over."

"So he's still alive?"

"You were early."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, my father demanded a meeting. I had just left Sanders' Auto."

"If you hurt that old man!"

"I wouldn't touch him. Okay? He's a hard-working American. I was just leaving you a note. And I took Alex because I knew it was the best way to get you to cooperate. Alex will be fine as long as you do what I say. If you disobey,  make my day any worse, Alex will die knowing you are the reason. So why don't you untie me and apologize. We'll go from there."

Note that this scene is where we learn the source of the fractal burns.

Diego's last pitch to Liz:

"Listen, Genoryx invests in their people. You are valuable. I'm sure they'll sponsor Arturo's path to citizenship if you just sign on. In the meantime, you can work in a sanctuary city."

Max and Liz's fight:

"Kyle and I connected butyricol to Flint Manes. So I called Alex's other brother Greg, and he said that Flint has this property outside of town. He drives a massive hunting van, Liz. He was the sniper the night we found Cameron."

"Have you called Alex?"

"No, Kyle's on it, but there's something else. I found this in Flint's trash."

"This is the box my dad kept my abuelita's ring in until my mom stole it."

"I got the ring back, but she kept the box."

"Rosa called earlier. She was worried about Mom. I said that she probably just bailed like she always does. Okay, if Flint used Jenna to get to Charlie because Charlie builds bioweapons, what does he want with my mom?"

"Maybe he's trying to get to another bioengineering genius."

"Well, that's not gonna work. I don't care about her… Max, what's going on? You're being cold."

"This is a serious conversation."

"No, don't do that. What's going on?"

"I know Maria left yesterday. I saw her and Mimi off from the Wild Pony. So I know you didn't spend last night helping her process. And you certainly didn't spend last night here. I didn't push it this morning because I trust you, and everyone's entitled to their secrets."

"If this is about Diego you're way off base."

"I wish this was about Diego. Why is Kyle locked out of your lab? Why did you tell me that no one's accepting your applications when you've turned down two research grant offers? I found the papers in my trash."

"Because I don't want to go back to that. Okay? I brought you back to life and now I don't want to go back to worms and mice and rats and hoping maybe my work will help some other scientist revolutionize medicine decades from now."

"What kind of work are you doing, exactly?"

"I'm developing a rapid treatment for a rare blood disease. Kyle's girlfriend is sick and I want to help repay him for what he's done for us."

"So this is just about Kyle's girlfriend and then it's over?"

"If I can cure her, the possibilities are endless. I can adjust it for other illnesses.

"Adjust what exactly? Alien DNA? Liz, my God. Like, let's say you're right and you find some miracle cure-all in alien spinal fluid and then that information falls into the wrong hands?"

"It won't because it's in my hands. Max, I love you, I love your family. I am asking you to trust me with this."

"No you're not asking me anything. You haven't asked me about any of this. You just got caught in a string of lies."

"I guess it sucks, huh? When your partner doesn't include you in major, life-altering decisions?"

"Are you angry at me for bringing your sister back?"

Not gonna lie, I laughed out loud when Rosa walks in at this moment.  When, literally, another alien brings Rosa back." Rosa & Isobel's reveal:

"Well, there is new information."

"We found this on Michael's trailer."

"Flint didn't abduct my mother. This is Helena's handwriting. They're working together."

Just one more little detail about the note... It's the same Roswell postcard that Cam's fake note from Charlie came on in 2x04. Different handwriting though.

Kyle and Steph:

"Is it true? Have you been stealing from the hospital?"

"Steph…"

"Yeah. #nofilter. I can't get my hands to work lately, which makes getting the top off my makeup kind of hard. But we can talk about eye shadow after you answer me. Have you been siphoning hospital resources for God knows what?"

"It's not that simple. Yes, I've gone against hospital policy to treat people who can't get health care."

"Yeah well, this isn't a victimless crime, Kyle. My dad. He's been getting so much heat about supply shortages. His personal genome machine getting stolen out from under his nose. Do you know how much it's costing him to keep me alive right now? How much it would cost if he lost his fancy insurance?"

"I hadn't thought about that. I'm gonna return everything. That's why I'm here right now. To apologize. And to say goodbye. I am definitely going to lose my job, and after I confess to everything they're definitely gonna press criminal charges."

"Yeah well, your mom's the sheriff."

"And if you'd met her you'd know that means I'm really screwed. I wish you'd met her. She'd really love you. Goodbye Steph."

"Show up for your shift tomorrow...Yeah the thing about dying? Your dad's willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. And I don't want you to lose your job, so."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't. I'm still mad at you. Close the door on your way out."

Helena and Michael after she injects him:

"It's a special drug developed at Caulfield. It won't harm you at all, but you won't be able to use any telekinesis until it wears off. It'll keep you honest."

"I want to see Alex."

"Oh, you will. After you build me this bomb."

MUSIC:

Note, normally I get my music list straight from the source - the show's music supervisor shares it on Twitter @cmollere. But he didn't share this week because politics. So this week I pulled it from here:

Pasado Es Pasado - LMS

Makeup Counter Girl - Powerslide

Summer's Over - Pillbox

Just a Human, Being Human - Joey Sykes

The Last Man in Tujunga - I See Hawks in L.A.

Matter of Fact - BUVA

Take Me Someplace - Joey Sykes

Fade Out - Vicious Kiss

It's Easier to Run Away - Joey Sykes

[homeofjonicles]

The Jonicles - Entry 7

Note: This is the seventh entry of The Jonicles, hence why the date does not match when this is being posted. This was written back in June of this year before I started this blog, and there will be errors or developments in how this series was being written. Please enjoy (or don't enjoy) the seventh entry of The Jonicles!

(^^ dayum jon looks HAWT) It is currently 11:00 pm on the 7th of June, 2022 on a Tuesday. We are past the day of reckoning, and I find it funny how so far I've never made an entry on a Monday (bad timing, i suppose). It's also day #20 of my Jon Arbuckle hyperfixation! A definite sign of my descent into madness.

Two image entry as the first one ('Jon Snaps') is the primary focus, yet the drawing of Jon being tackled by an officer was too good not to include. What crime did he even commit, anyway? My bets are on vehicular homicide for sure.

Anyway, Garfield Gets Real is a weird movie. A really, really weird, bizarre and odd movie that I had the fortune of watching as a really young kid. The old, outdated CGI, the mismatch in style with characters like Eli and the director contrasting Garfield and Jon, Bonita and her weird sythe head that still haunts me to this very day, it's wack.

But what if I told you, the hypothetical reader of this journal, that within this very movie lies a peculiar detail that at first, is very hard to spot on your first viewing, but if you do notice it, is incredibly vulgar and may even ruin (or enhance) your childhood just a smidge?

That comic I attached is a reference to something the character Samuel L. Jackson says in the movie 'Pulp Fiction', which I haven't watched but have heard is pretty good. It's a fan edit of another Garfield comic with the added punchline of Jon snapping and threatening to fuck his own cat while also dropping the motherfucker bomb. It's pretty funny, but what does this have to do with Garfield Gets Real, you might've asked?

Well, what if I told you that this very comic in it's pure, completely uncensored vulgarity ended up in this movie? And no, it's not anywhere super obvious. You gotta look for it.

In the scene where the Garfield and Odie try to win the hearts of executives to prevent their comic from being cancelled, there's this part where the two GIANT HUNKY PETS roll in and start SHOWIN' THEIR MOVES as Garfield and Odie hide behind a sign with them on it.

But there's something else on that sign too. And it's this comic. The camera is juuuust close enough for a viewer with a very sharp eye to make out, but not too close for this movie to end up with an MA15+ rating.

I'm telling the complete truth. This comic seriously did end up in this movie. Go check for yourself. Look up a clip that scene I mentioned and go to 1:19 and 4:25 and pause. You'll see it clearly near Garfield's horrifying human foot on the board.

Still in disbelief? Jaw dropped? Hyperventilating? In shock? Good! That's how I felt when I found this out too. In fact, I was in so much shock that it didn't wear off for a good 20 or so minutes. I still can't fucking believe that actually slipped through. No one noticed it - they wouldn't have. It would be near-impossible unless they were paying an inhuman amount of attention to every little detail in every scene when reviewing the film for a rating. And don't forget that because of the film's canon in having comics be "filmed" and published for the real world to see, that means Jon saying motherfucker is canon in Garfield Gets Real, which could in theory also make Garfield Minus Garfield canon as well. Bonkers.

But it gets deeper. There are so many unanswered questions. Who did this? Seriously, who the fuck put this in? Was it a random person working on the film? A disgruntled animator? Could it have been Jim Davis himself? Why was it put there? Did he mean for it to be there? Was it put there as a joke? Did Davis specifically state for that one to be put in? Did someone just look up "Garfield comic" on a late night working on the film and pick it without reading it and put it there? But they would've had to have seen it, right? I'm guessing the word motherfucker wouldn't be too hard to miss if you're up close and personal working on the film yourself, correct? If it wasn't Davis, how it'd slip by him? Did he look at the comic and go "Huh, which one is this?"? Does he know? What does he think of the idea of Jon threatening to fuck Garfield? Will we ever get a statement from the man himself? So many questions...

In short, this scene broke me, and added another layer of weirdness and hilarity to this movie that I didn't even think was possible. I just think it's really funny that I lived out my whole childhood having no idea about this little detail, I swear, Garfield is so surreal sometimes...

Last edited at 11:34 pm. Jon Arbuckle could easily Jon Arfuckle you up if he wanted to, mark his word.

Note: That last bit isn't an innuendo, I meant that Jon could beat someone, that someone possibly being you reading this, up, hence the wording. Though now that I mention it, the readers probably didn't think that was a dirty joke and now see it that way and wont be able to unsee it... Welp... (Also, the entry says "two image entry", but I only included the most important one in this post, which made the "dayum jon looks HAWT" comment make no sense. However, I may exclude extra images for later entries that are being posted from now on as there's no need to repeat posting the same image for certain entries. You're gonna love the image I use for the next one, trust me. He looks "hawt".)

So yeah, this is the scene I mentioned in the last entry that broke me. This entry's pretty short, don't have much else to say here other than the fact that 'Jon Snaps' will never not be funny to me after this discovery I made back in June.

UPDATE: EMERGENCY DISCOVERY REGARDING THIS MOVIE! In this video of the first scene in the movie at 3:11, a comment pointed out that there is a shot where when the books are being tilted off the shelf like dominos, there is a very quick sighting of a Death Note to the right of the shelf. This is very awesome and cool for the producers to slip in and it adds yet another layer to this movie I never knew about before. It's not 'Jon Snaps' levels of bizarre, but it's still a weird, unfitting yet very cool easter egg.

Cheers,

Your Local Jonnoisseur

Posted on the 21st of July, 2022 at 8:30 pm.

[amoralto]

Hi, I don't know if you remember but a few months ago i sent you an ask about john's preception of paul's supposed indifference in the media in the early 70s, and i was wondering if your still planning to respond? I mean if not thats totally cool, i just would be really interested if you have even incomplete fragments that you haven't posted (cause you posted a few in the past, i think?) Anyway, i really love what youre doing with this blog, have a great day!

Oh, I remember very well, my dear long-suffering anon, and at this appallingly ponderous rate I’ll probably have a response written up to my own fathomless standards within the next two years or so. 😞😓😩😖 I’m so very sorry; I’ve said so before, but it befits me to say it again. My overall productivity where @amoralto​ is concerned has ground to a halt this past couple of weeks for colourless personal reasons of depression and malaise, so I’m feeling awful about that as well. More fragments I can provide, though - they’re mostly just Thoughts From Several Years Ago, me looking up old notes I made when I was working on this response to your ask, but I hope it provides at least a modicum of entertainment:

I don’t prescribe to the idea of attributing someone’s entire personality to a specific, singular event, but the childhood experience of finding himself in the position of effectively having to choose, symbolically, between the love (and affection, guidance, trust, loyalty, presence) of his father and his mother, would have significantly impacted his ideological makeup and ingrained within young John Lennon a predisposition to see love as a zero-sum game where going with one means abandoning the other forever, and having it both ways is an impossible lie, because you’ve never had it both ways, and in fact, you will see to it personally that you won’t have it both ways, because you’d rather fuck it up yourself than let them fuck it up for you, because they will always leave you anyway. So I’d imagine that as a young John Lennon growing up in schism, comparing your household to others’ and painfully aware of what you don’t have that they do and vice versa and all else, you’d both justify the notion and rebel violently against it. Fulfill your own prophecies. Hence the impulsive, headlong infatuations with gurus, and the incensed, guillotined fallout afterwards. Hence the inveterate need for a parental figure, alternately resenting their authority and desiring their attention and coddling.Why these systemic issues with love, family, and abandonment seemed to pronounced themselves so profoundly in relation to Paul in particular is probably for all those indefinable symbiotic reasons that have been waxed lyrical about. Just as it was a magical buoy for their partnership in its naive and romantic beginning, this indefinable and ineffable quality to their relationship was also an obscure leaden weight to their partnership in its latter-day disillusionment. It’s not so much the fact of its ambiguity itself that was an issue, but that it was conditional, and neither was consciously aware of it until, well, the conditions arose. I mean, this isn’t at all meant to be a summative Where Did Our Love Go? précis, but just in terms of their communication with each other as emotionally hedging Northern lads, their relationship, from John’s perspective, seemed to depend on an implicit awareness and understanding of each other, on the reading of each other’s minds, on recognising each other’s unspoken thoughts and desires and enacting upon them, which he eventually realised was unrealistic and unsustainable (even if he never necessarily stopped longing for it). But they couldn’t have grown as a partnership without expecting and accepting each other to grow as individuals apart from each other, and they couldn’t have gone on continuing to looking to each other and expecting to see their own reflection without depleting themselves.But, uh, rather than go into histrionic ramblings about ego and identity and projection and fear, I think what I mean is: knowing what you don’t want isn’t the same as knowing what you do, and in such immovable contention there was only going to be disappointment and despair. Not knowing what you want but expecting the other to know and give it to you, and not get it? Hurt, rage, betrayal, you never loved me if you did you would have known I was in pain you moon-eyed fucking Engelbert Humperdinck I bet you knew and you just got off on seeing me suffer.

On that note, a candid illustration of John’s Paranoid Troll Logic, circa mid-1966 to early-1967, i.e. the “I was going through murder and I knew Paul wasn’t” period:

1. You’re happy and working and I’m sad and idle.

2. How can you be happy and working when I’m sad and idle?

3. If you really cared about me being sad and idle you couldn’t possibly be happy and working.

4. Maybe I’m sad and idle because you don’t really care about me.

5. Maybe you’re happy and working because I’m sad and idle.

Or two: 

1. I’m miserable, and if we’re as close as I think we are, you should be able to tell.

2. If you’re not able to tell, it must mean we’re not as close as I thought we were, which makes me even more miserable.

3. Maybe the reason why I’m miserable is because we’re not as close as I believe we were, and I can’t tell how close you believe we are.

4. I can’t ask you about it, of course, because I shouldn’t have to, and it’s your fault anyway, you should be the one asking me first, it’s not like you’re the one who’s miserable.

 5. … Maybe you’re making me miserable. On purpose.

Or three:

John: Sometimes I don’t even want to be in this fucking band anymore. I can’t stand being Beatle John, it’s going to suffocate me, but in the situation we’re in I don’t even know who else I can be. We’re in this together, Paul. You understand. We need to break away from all this.

Paul: Hey, I’ve got an idea! Let’s make a record where we all pretend we’re in a made-up band! Then we won’t have to be in this band, not really, because we’ll be other people playing other people’s music! It’ll be liberating!

John: … Remember when we just canceled all our engagements and went to Paris?

Paul: Sure I do. You know what, you should come out to London with me some time, it’s an amazing scene! All the music and plays and films and happenings… John: Hey, why spoil it when you’re already having so much fun without me around? What’s so good about all that, anyway? Pretentious tossers, the whole lot of them. Not that I care. Paul: They’re not so bad. Have you written any new songs? John: I haven’t written anything in weeks. Bothered.Paul: Well, bother yourself, then! And get something done by Friday. We have an album to make, you know. I’ve already written about four new songs - nothing much, just some melodies I whipped up in between this and that, but we can work with them.

John: You’ve just come here to gloat, haven’t you.Paul: Are you having trouble writing? I can help you out! What are partners for? Not today, though, today I’ve got a gallery to set up and two articles for the International Times to write and then dinner with Groovy Bob and a lot of artsy mingling to do with my new queer friends you’re so intimidated by for some reason. Want to come along? John: No, because I’m in pain and you don’t care and I hate you for not loving me enough. Run along, I’ve got my own lysergic work to get to. This ego of mine’s not going to destroy itself, you know. Paul: Alright, alright, I’ll leave you to it. See you on Friday!John: … Please don’t leave me.

And some waffle on Paul’s manner of Dealing With Things By Not Acknowledging Them (which, when aligned with John’s Desperate Need For Verbal And Explicit Acknowledgment, would hurtle them both towards a terrible ending):

As an affect of his stubbornly persistent optimism, to put it glibly, one could see how Paul’s need and inclination to focus on the enactive and positive side of things would also preclude an avoidance of anything he thinks he can’t achieve, help, or deal with, because direct confrontation of the problem would entail the risk of him losing control in that situation, which would render him vulnerable, or worse, being seen to be vulnerable. The avoidance thus manifests as both a defense and a coping mechanism for uncomfortable situations or unsavoury trains of thought - remember, this is someone who isn’t inclined toward navel-gazing, who doesn’t at all like to examine his own thoughts or emotions,  because it would hang him up. He has to deal with them in some way, though, so what can he do? Diffuse (project onto someone else), deflect (be hostile and passive-aggressive), or dive behind a piano, essentially. So if Paul’s way of handling things (during the Beatles years at least) was to avoid the Negative, redirect attentions and efforts to something Positive and hopefully in the process overwhelm the Negative entirely by all that is Positive, then you can see how the avoidance played out in, say, the case of Brian’s death (Let’s all travel far far away from this smog both figuratively and literally and make a new film about us going on a mad bus trip and make a new album to go along with it and be together all the time as a band again because we can totally manage ourselves and this will prove it and everything will be fine!), or the latter-day disintegration of the band (Let’s plough through the sessions because things have to get good before they get better and it’ll be a good album because we’re us and at the end of it we’ll all be proud of ourselves because it’ll prove we can still do it and maybe just maybe we’ll stay together and make more good albums and everything will be fine!). He couldn’t ignore the plaguing tensions at hand, and knew he couldn’t address it directly without inviting confrontation or contributing to the existing tensions, but he knew what he could do, practically - make music, and involve others with making music. As long he was actively doing something, then he was actively moving himself and everyone elseforward, and if they kept moving forward for long enough the problem would recede into the distance until it ceased to be a problem entirely. And so he did, until they were far along enough to move onto the next phase, or until they couldn’t possibly be moved anymore. 

[ravenvsfox]

when you have time, would you ever be willing to talk about how you think ronan and renee each view religion? like what it means for them/what they get out of it/why they choose to follow it when so many other people (esp their age) don't seem to?

you betcha babe, I’m gonna give a little of my experience for ref, if that’s okay?

There are only three things that lodge in my mind about the ten years of my life I spent going to church every Sunday:

1. I got to dress up, Sunday best, pinched cheeks as my accessory. If I was lucky they’d let me and one of my brothers carry the candle and bible to the front, and I’d have a staring contest with the flame while we trailed after the choir procession. Everyone watched, endeared by the children symbolically carrying protestantism in their chubby hands. I liked that church was gaudy. I liked that there was a script, and that I got to sing and shake hands with strangers.

2. If there’s a God, I thought he belonged to me. He was the helpline that was always open. Religion was offered up to me like a wish-granting factory. Believing in something is hard work, and it kept me entertained, for a while. If I was in trouble, or if I really, really wanted something, I dialled God’s number. I had private fights with God. I wished on him and hated him and forgot him.

3. My brother and I used to sneak off and explore the church before service started. I vividly remember sneaking through the supply cupboard down what we thought were “secret” stairs. My brother is older, and I would’ve followed him even if he lead me straight past the floorboards of the musty church to hell. We found something new every week. It’s amazing what can feel like an endless gothic castle when you’re seven. Sometimes I think of my brother as he was then, clever and funny and absolutely everything I wanted to be, and I ache to be in the quiet of the church basement, asking him about the dusty props in the corner, spinning in my pretty red dress for the wall to wall mirrors, happily lied to about the secrets and magic and God all around us.

I think Renee sits somewhere around a more dedicated number two, and Ronan is a 1-2-3 — heavy on the three.

Renee wants to keep her hands busy. She tried carving herself a new future and it turned out to be a double-sided knife, slicing her hands in the process. God is more than a second chance for her, he is something to constantly, relentlessly pursue. When Renee says she’s trying very hard to be a good person, she means it. Believing in God is a struggle for her. The world is cruel (or like. the people in it, Neil, okay, same diff), and scrubbing the blood away so she can look God in the face is almost impossible when it keeps welling up (taking her friends, throwing her prayers away).

Renee needs that prayerful helpline on speed-dial. She needs the hard work or she might fade away. Religion is her new talisman, the handle of a new, sturdy weapon, and she keeps it as her defence, something to learn and use and put away when she needs to.

She’s not casually religious, she’s putting all her money on God. Christianity is really and truly all she had before she met the foxes.

It’s gruelling, being a “bad person” and believing in God, trying to understand A) what you are, B) why you’ve been made only to be treated so poorly, C) How you’re supposed to lever your burden up and keep believing, how to make amends

—which is where Ronan comes in. 

please God what am I, tell me what I am

Sometimes I think Renee and Ronan would respect each other too much to be friends.

Ronan is in a self-loathing depression a mile wide when we meet him, and he sees himself as a bad person trying to be a bad person (until the day that he fights some demons, gets some help, digs himself free, and actively tries to be good)

His life is a shitshow of loss and longing, and he’s absolutely ravenous for answers. He doesn’t even doubt God, he just wants to brawl with him for a while there, call the bastard down and piss in his cornflakes, you know

Religion isn’t hard for Ronan. It’s the number 1 I mentioned before, something he can perfect and impress with. I bet he even liked how good he looked in his crisp shirt before everything went down, unbuttoned at the collar like his father’s. He likes an honest, unrepentant performance.

I bet he was determined to believe in God that little bit more than everyone else, memorize the bible verses (he likes learning niall’s languages, and those were largely latin, holy, or slurred and drunk)

He also called passages out like his father did for being “rubbish” whenever things got too close to condemning their magic, their Otherness. He’s a selective Catholic in a lot of ways, hand-picking the good stuff because he knows that religion belongs to him, that it’s exactly what he makes it.

His dad taught him that what was in his head was the only real thing other than God. Ronan negotiates the two. When he’s brave enough, and okay enough, he pins his sexuality to God’s forehead and dares him to have a problem with it.

Renee goes to church to think, and so does Ronan. When everything gets a bit much, and gore fills their heads up, the church is their sanctuary.

Where it’s a puzzle for Renee though, it’s easy for Ronan. Old hat. He walks into the church and he feels the incense and dust fold around him like his mother’s dreamy embrace. He asks questions to the empty pews like he’s talking to his dead father. Renee walks in feeling unworthy, feeling too big for the vaulted ceilings, and she gropes for God’s hand in the dark. (The first time she prays and she feels like she’s being heard, she cries. She goes home to her new mother and cries some more, her past in tatters, her future tasting of sacramental wine.)

More than anything though, Ronan is lost in number 3′s nostalgia

As you may have gathered, Catholicism IS Ronan’s father, wow, nifty,

He goes to church for the comfort and the sting, just like visiting Niall’s grave. His religion is a relic from his childhood, when they were so arrogant about how their lives would play out.

I’ll bet you anything that Ronan walks into church, breathes in, and tastes his first swig of alcohol under his father’s watchful eye, not flinching because he wouldn’t. He sees Declan-Ronan-Matthew, heads bowed over abridged Sunday school bibles, Matthew pleasantly not following along, Declan pointing out the bad illustrations so that Ronan snorts. His mother smiling placidly and combing her hand through his hair until he focuses enough to sing hymns with the rest of the crowd. His father boasted the largest voice in the room. Declan was embarrassed. Matthew and Aurora delighted. Ronan’s mouth curled like dead leaves because his father could make a scene like no one else.

Ronan’s relationship with God can’t be snipped because it was cast in iron, welded in place by Niall Lynch when he burnt his way out of Ronan’s atmosphere. 

Renee’s faith can’t be stomped out because she’s shielding it with absolutely everything she has. (Andrew understands her faith because he gets what it’s like to protect your hope even if parts of you have to die.)

End of the day, foxes or ravens, their friends aren’t religious for a lot of reasons — not raised with it, hurts too much, they need proof, etc, etc

but they all understand the way it sits with Renee/Ronan

they know that religion is a pattern that holds them together, a someone when there’s absolutely no one, a lil flickering reminder of the things they’ve lost & hurt for

I think I lost my religious inclinations because I wasn’t willing to fight for it tbh

but man Ronan and Renee are nothing if not fighters