#I don't know I've got some weird feels about it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

foodtruckery · 2 days ago

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I've been having crazy Stancest brain rot thinking about an AU where they don't have the portal incident and instead have crazy marathon hate sex instead (Inspired by some amazing art by @CoreArde on Twitter) and I thought it'd be fun to share that with you.

They start off arguing in the lab and then oops they're fucking on the lab floor, and they really should be thinking this through but nope now they're upstairs fucking on the kitchen table and okay maybe now they'll finally talk about it nah, they're fucking in Ford's bed now.

It starts off as rough hate sex getting out years of frustration, but by the time they make it to the kitchen its become insanely desperate and cloying because they missed each other, and their bodies fit so well together, and GOD how could they have not been doing this all time? They're going at it so long that they basically end up passed out in Ford's bed by the end, and Stan's not going to be sitting down for a while after this. He's probably just happy to be sleeping in a bed, but Ford is trying to figure out how he got so far from the initial plan.

Even better if the two of them have been harboring feelings for years and never acted on it, because they get the one-two punch of all the weight of their time apart and processing the fact that OH GOD I JUST FUCKED MY BROTHER (which of course they both wanted to do but still).

I have no idea what would happen after that, but both of them waking up sore, sweat soaked, sticky with cum (some still inside Stan because of course Ford didn't use a condom this wasn't supposed to happen) after having gone at each other like rabbits in heat despite never having expressed their attraction to each other before is a hilarious and hot idea to me. What do you think?

HI THERE ANON. i am so fucking sorry that i left you waiting for so long about this, but i need you to know it's because i was FUCKING OBSESSED with this. like just absolutely beside myself over it, and i refused to respond until i had a chance to sit down and respond PROPERLY.

cause uh YEAH FRIEND i know the exact fucking piece of art (explicit) you're talking about, because it's INCREDIBLE. and in case you didn't know, the artist is over here too and shares some fucking fantastic writing and headcanons also! (seriously, go check out @/cartoonsinthemorning if you haven't. and cart, i hope you don't mind that anon and i both kinda lost our minds about your art over here! i genuinely have no idea what tag etiquette is on this site and didn't wanna bombard you, but you did this. again.)

i'll be honest, anon, this kinda got away from me (fucking shocker) and i am too tired to do any legit editing of it right now, so please forgive any typos or weirdness! i'll try and clean it up before it eventually goes up on ao3. but thank you for such a LOVELY ask because this was so hot, and so inspiring, and i hope i did a little justice to your idea and cart's gorgeous art!

--- Ford isn't entirely sure how it had started. His memory, his perception of time, his ability to follow a linear order of events -- all if it is less than reliable at the moment, so he can't entirely blame himself for losing track of things here and there. But the jump between trying to wrestle his journal out of Stan's hands to trying to wrestle Stan out of his dingey jeans is a jarring transition to lose in the dull static that's been edging around his awareness for weeks now.

Not jarring enough to stop him, though.

He thinks, vaguely, while he's blindly tugging at Stan's denim, that there's a concerningly high likelihood that he's hallucinating. His head is swimming in so much caffeine and adrenaline that he doesn't even feel the rough concrete of the lab floor under his knees -- maybe that isn't where he is? Maybe he'd nodded off without realizing. Maybe he's going to come to with another lapful of polaroids and a new humiliating tattoo.

Maybe, maybe, maybe -- he can reckon with a probability model later. For the first time in what feels like months, the stability of his perceived reality is not actually at the forefront of Ford's mind.

Pressing in on him harder than the doubt, harder than the disassociation from his physical body, and harder than the threat of the creature lingering in the depths of his subconscious is anger. It feels like a beacon in the muddled, fuzzy mess inside his head, something bright and real and his. It's searing through him, slicing away all the frayed edges of his paranoia and doubt like a hot blade through so much butter.

Ford clings to the sharp edges of that anger and feels more alert than he has in weeks.

He can't remember how their bickering had taken this particular turn, but if he's liable to lose his eyes and his life in the next few days, Ford will be fucking damned if he squanders the opportunity. He knows he's made a mess of things, that he's made the sorts of mistakes that can't and frankly shouldn't be forgiven.

But he also knows with blinding, white hot certainty that he's only here, now, because of Stan's mistakes.

Ford may not deserve absolution, but he does deserves this.

Laughter cuts through the lab, rough and mocking, and Ford's attention finally falls, properly, on Stan. He has a bruise blooming on his cheek and a snide smirk twisting his lips. He's also on his back, his jeans and a threadbare pair of boxers bunched in Ford's fists and pulled so low he can see the tight curls of his pubic hair and the root of his cock.

"What's wrong, Poindexter?" Stan asks, mocking, and it's only then that Ford realizes he's paused halfway through stripping his twin's lower half. The bite of the cold concrete under his knees still feels far away, but the rough material in his palms, and the heat of Stan's body so close to him are sharp, clear details. "No hands on experience with a dick that ain't your own? Afraid you might actually be bad at somethin' for once?"

Ford narrows his eyes, feeling the hot point of anger cutting through him, steadying him, and he jerks Stan's clothes hard enough that he gets the material past his knees in one tug. Stan laughs at him again, but it stutters into a little 'oof!' when Ford flips him onto his stomach.

He doesn't care that Stan's pants are still caught around his calves and his boots. He doesn't care that Stan hisses something that sounds like pain when he's yanked onto his knees and dragged backwards several inches across the concrete. He doesn't even care that, once upon a time, he'd dreamed of this, of crossing this line with the only person he'd ever really loved in any way that mattered, and it's nothing like the softer, sweeter picture he used to imagine.

Stan's hips are soft, and the skin gives easily under the iron grip Ford has on them, holding him in place as he grinds against his ass. Even through his slacks, the heat of Stan's body is intense, addictive, and he grinds forward again, harder, watching the friction rub a pink patch against his skin.

Stan, shameless and selfish as always, pushes eagerly back against him. Ford has barely done anything beyond rocking the outline of his cock against his hole, but he can hear Stan panting against the ground, can see his hands curling into fists. He remembers how many times Stan had called Carla McCorkle "easy" in high school and thinks, now, that the easy one had been his brother.

"You gonna keep humpin' me, or are you gonna fuck me?" Stan demands, rocking as firmly back as he can with the bruising grip Ford has on him.

"What makes you think you deserve that?" Ford bites out. It would serve Stan right, he thinks, if he got himself off exactly like this, no different than grinding against a particularly firm couch pillow. Just a conveniently warm object for Ford to release some tension with.

Stan looks back over his shoulder and flashes teeth at him. It isn't a smile. "Oh, I get it. Cold feet? Well, we can just chalk it up to one more thing ya promised and then backed out of as soon as you actually had to make a choice. Good to know some things never change, Stanford."

He's being goaded, and Ford knows that. But the anger boils in his chest, and he thinks, why should he care about what Stan does or doesn't deserve from him? This is about what Ford deserves.

And what Ford deserves is to have his dick so far up Stan's ass he'll be able to feel it in the back of his throat.

"Do you ever shut up?" he snaps while he releases one of Stan's hips to yank his slacks open. The bruise of his fingerprints already forming against Stan's skin thrills him, almost to distraction, if it weren't for Stan laughing again.

"'Course not," he says, shifting his center of balance to dig into the pocket of his dirty red coat. The little packet he tosses over his shoulder bounces off his own ass to land by Ford's knee, the word LUBE printed in large, bold letters across the front. He should be surprised to see it, and part of him is. The word "easy" comes to mind again.

Ford rips the packet open with his teeth.

"F-Fuck!" Stan curses, turning his forehead against the ground when Ford presses his slick cock into him a moment later without warning.

Ford grabs him roughly by the waist when he twitches forward and yanks Stan back until his ass hits the open fly of his slacks. He makes a choked sound at that and turns his face into the crook of his own arm when Ford pulls back and rocks hard back into him.

"What's wrong, Stanley?" he parrots. He pistons his hips at a punishing pace, watching his cock pumping in and out of the greedy, grasping ring of Stan's hole. "Nothing to say?"

Stan makes a noise that's too muffled by the sleeve of his coat to understand, so Ford reaches down to take a fistful of his stupid mullet instead. The hitching gasp that escapes his twin when his head is forcefully jerked up makes him groan. "What was that? Come on, Stanley, use your words."

"F-Fuck off," Stan says, his voice strained, almost whining.

"I see you haven't gotten anymore eloquent since you left," Ford scoffs around the breathlessness in his own voice, feeling the anger and pleasure coiling harder in his gut. "What was it you said? Good to know some things never change."

When he pulls Stan's hair again, just because he can, Stan moans. And when he shifts his hips, driving in just as hard at the new angle, Stan shouts. With his own knees bracketed on either side of his, Ford can feel the way his thighs tremble when he clenches around his cock, and he can feel the sweat beading up under his palm where he's digging darker bruises into Stan's side.

Ford feels like he's on the edge of delirium again, consumed by every sound Stan makes, every twitch of his hips, every ounce of his heat. He thinks, a bit wildly, that Stan may have been made for this, made to take his cock, for how well he does.

It isn't until Stan jerks under him, going hot and tight around his cock and making a strangled noise in the back of his throat, that Ford realizes he may have said part of that out loud. That Stan came over it.

He groans low in his throat and thrusts half a dozen more times into Stan's clenching hole before he comes as well.

It's quiet for a few minutes other than their ragged panting, but it's Stan who eventually reaches back and swats at Ford's hand until he lets go of his hair. He takes the hint and pulls out, watching with no small amount of satisfaction as his come trickles down Stan's thighs. It strikes him suddenly that he wants to follow the wet trail back up with his tongue. It's enough to make his cock give a feeble, appreciative twitch.

He isn't sure if he's just terribly distracted or if he loses time again, because when Ford next lifts his head, Stan is on his feet, pants pulled up around his waist but still open, and he has his journal in hand. This might be more jarring than the last transition he'd lost.

"What are you doing?" he demands, shoving himself back onto his own feet. He doesn't bother to tuck his cock back in, and he spots the moment Stan's eyes flick down. It's brief, but he'd seen it.

"What does it fucking look like I'm doing? I'm taking your stupid diary and disappearing like you begged me to," Stan says. His voice is still a little raw, and Ford has a moment to realize how much he likes that, before the words catch up.

He scoffs. "Oh! So now you want to actually help?! Is it always this easy to fuck the sense into you?"

Stan's expression does a few things Ford doesn't understand before his brows ultimately slam down and he turns his back, storming towards the door with Ford's journal still in hand, and Ford himself hot on his heels. "You're fucking unbelievable, Stanford, you know that?!"

"Me?! You're the one who came all over my lab floor and then decided he was ready to be reasonable!"

Stan jams his thumb against the call button for the elevator several times in quick succession, despite the car already being on their floor and the gate sliding open. "Most people would just say thank you when someone agreed to help them out, but not you! What does Stanford Pines have to be grateful for? We're all just fucking lucky to get a task from ya, huh?"

Ford crowds into the elevator with him before Stan can try to pull the gate or call the doors shut behind him. He punches the button to take them up himself, before making a grab for the journal, snarling when Stan leans back and holds it up above his head.

"You're the one who threatened to destroy my work twenty minutes ago, Stanley! Why would I trust you with it now? Hell, I can't figure out why I trusted you enough to bring you here in the first place!"

"Oh really? You can't?" Stan sneers, leaning in close. And when Ford takes a step back, Stan follows, backing him into a corner of the car. "I don't think you fuckin' trusted me to do shit, Stanford. I think you were all outta options cause nobody else could stand to put up with you anymore."

Stan doesn't so much as hit a nerve as he takes a sledgehammer to it, and as soon as the elevator dings, Ford shoves him as hard as he can out into the study. Stan yelps when he stumbles, nearly tripping over his own feet, and it's only knocking into a cluttered desk that keeps him from falling on his ass.

Ford doesn't give him any time to right himself, storming in after him and grabbing him by the front of his jacket. Stan flinches, like he'ex expecting a punch, but Ford yanks him in and crushes his mouth against his instead.

There's a dull thump that Ford only realizes was the journal being dropped when he feels both of Stan's hands on his shoulders. They curl briefly, grasping at him, and Ford feels his mouth starting to go soft and slack. But as soon as he presses in, runs his tongue along that loosening seam, he's suddenly being shoved backwards.

If he weren't so damn confused, Ford would probably appreciate the picture Stan makes, lips slick and pants open, leaning back against one of Ford's desks.

"What are you doing?!" Stan demands, like he's the one who doesn't know what day it is, and keeps losing track of events.

"I would think even you could figure that out after what happened downstairs, Stanley."

Stan flushes, visible even in the low light of the study, though Ford isn't sure if it's embarrassment or anger. The scowl on his face doesn't help clear things up, either, though the fact that he isn't actually looking at Ford is...telling.

"That ain't happening again," Stan states, and there isn't anything convincing about the way he says it at all. But when Ford steps forward, Stan sidesteps him and the desk. He makes a wrong turn in the dark, in a house he isn't familiar with, and flinches when Ford flips on the light in the kitchen he's walked into.

"I don't know how you expect to leave and hide my journal after leaving it in the study," he points out, frowning at the back of Stan's head.

He isn't surprised when Stan whirls on him. He is, however, stunned still when he realizes Stan's eyes are wet.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Stanford?!" Stan shouts, his voice cracking over his name, and it makes something feel like it's cracking inside his chest.

Ford has to wet his lips when he finds them and his throat dry. "...I told you what I wanted," he says.

"Yeah, you did! And when I finally agreed to do it, you threw a fucking fit about it! And now you're pissy because I'm not?! What do you want?"

The anger sparks sharply inside him again, and Ford grasps at it like a lifeline, willing to bloody his hands for that bite of stability.

"You tried to burn it! My life's work! And you only decided you would help me after we--"

Stan cuts him off, looking towards the cabinets while he raises his voice and waves his hands. "Jesus Christ, I'm sorry about the fucking lighter, all right?!"

Ford frowns. He takes a step forward and, still without looking at him, Stan takes a step back. It's the elevator all over again, but this time Ford is pressing in, backing Stan into the cabinets. He grabs the counter on either side of his hips when he tries to side step him again.

"Stanley, look at me," he demands, frowning harder when Stan sets his jaw and stars determinedly at his shoulder. "Stanley--"

"What do you want, Ford? Just...just fucking tell me and I'll leave, all right?" Stan says, his voice tired and soft as he reaches up to rub a hand over his own face.

He wants a lot, honestly. And hasn't that always been the problem? He's always wanted -- to be normal, to be respected, to be the best, to be special.

To be wanted.

To be enough.

To fix things.

"You," he realizes, watching Stan jerk his head up. His lashes are still wet, and Ford can't stop himself from reaching up and pressing his palm to Stan's cheek, skimming his thumb gently under one of his eyes.

When he leans in to kiss him again, Stan makes a small, wounded little noise under his mouth, but he parts his lips for Ford's tongue this time. Stan's lips are chapped and he tastes vaguely of stale cigarettes, but Ford is still struck by how soft and sweet he is.

More than anything else that had happened that evening, this is the moment that Ford knows he should suspect most of all. The way Stan relaxes between him and the counter, the almost tentative way he lifts his tongue to meet his, the careful fingertips touching the edge of Ford's coat and brushing against his loose tie. It's tender in a way Ford didn't think either of them were capable of, and it should be setting off warning bells and red flags in every part of his mind.

It isn't.

Ford is more certain of the reality of this single moment, the gentle slip of Stan's lips against his own, than he's been of anything in a long time.

And then Stan sighs between them and murmurs, warm and hopeful, "Ford," against his lips, and he's done for.

It doesn't matter that they just fucked, that Ford's come is probably still drying between Stan's thighs -- he can't keep his hands off of him. Ford is suddenly frantic and desperate in a way that he hadn't been downstairs. He needs to relearn the new, wider shape of Stan's shoulders and pecs. He needs to feel out every new scar and take stock of all the old ones he remembers Stan collecting for him as kids. He needs to be surrounded by him again, soaking in the warmth of him.

Ford doesn't deserve absolution, but he thinks he may be able to find something close to it in the low, shaky way Stan moans his name.

And there's familiarity in the way Stan grabs at him in turn, tugging at his jacket and tie and surging into another, harder kiss. Ford thinks he may not be the only one looking for expiation.

Then Stan drops to his knees between him and the cabinet, and Ford stops thinking so much. His cock is still out, and Stan wastes no time in getting his fist around the shaft and his lips around the head. He suckles and swirls his tongue, and Ford shoves the beanie off of his head to get his hands in his hair.

"Stanley," he gasps, stroking his fingers along his scalp and fisting the strands between them.

Stan moans around him and shuffles closer, sliding the seal of his lips further down the length of Ford's cock. All he can do is groan and try to keep from rocking his hips as more of him is greeted by the warmth of his mouth and the wickedness of his tongue.

He keeps waiting for Stan to reach his limit, to back off and give himself room to breathe. He doesn't. He keeps leaning in, keeps taking him, and then Ford feels his cockhead slip into Stan's throat, sees his lashes are wet again, and he has to put one hand on the counter to keep himself steady. "Fuck, Stanley, you're so good at this."

Stan makes a horribly sweet sound around the girth of Ford's cock and reaches up to hold his hips as he swallows, and Ford is suddenly afraid he's going to embarass himself. His hips twitch despite his best efforts to keep them still, but Stan simply relaxes his jaw and his throat and tugs a little to encourage him to do it again. He does, of course, how could he not?

Despite the heat clawing its way through him and the pleasure mounting dangerously high, Ford almost feels outside of himself again. The picture Stan makes, with his eyes damp and heavy lidded, his lips wet and stretched around Ford's cock, his hair fisted in Ford's fingers and his own clinging to Ford's hips -- it's lewd, debauched, and so horribly sweet that it makes Ford's chest hurt.

Stan gasps raggedly when Ford pulls him off. "I was go-gonna...I mean you can--"

Ford kneels down to kiss him, tasting stale cigarettes and himself, cock throbbing over the rough state of Stan's voice. "Not done yet," he manages, before tugging Stan onto his feet.

They lose clothes and time on the journey upstairs, tripping over the steps and Ford's discarded pants, and stumbling into his wreck of a room. If Stan notices the state of things, he doesn't comment, mouth latched onto Ford's shoulder and hands all over his back and hips.

The back of Ford's legs hit the bed and he sits hard on the mattress. Stan doesn't hesitate to crawl up into his lap. He'd lost his boots in the kitchen and his jeans and boxers somewhere on the way to the stairs, giving him ample opportunity to rub his bare cock against Ford's.

Cursing, Ford rolls his hips and only belatedly remembers to reach up and tug the hideous red coat off of Stan's shoulders.

"Oh, fuck, hold on. I think I have another one," Stan says, panting softly as he digs into the pockets of his coat. Ford takes the opportunity to run his hands across Stan's thighs and ass, squeezing whatever skin he can until Stan makes a triumphant sound and pulls another little packet of lube free.

Only then does he let Ford toss his jacket aside and tug him further up the bed with him. He doesn't protest when Ford takes the packet from him, lowering his head to work open mouth kisses up Ford's throat instead, and he rolls his hips distractingly while Ford fights to get the damnable thing open. He ignores the snickering against his skin in the process.

It stops anyway, hitching into something warm and startled when Ford sinks two slick fingers into him.

"Oh, fuck," Stan breaths, reaching up to grab Ford by the shoulder, holding himself steady. "Y-You know you don't have to do that, right? Pretty loosened up already."

He is, to be fair. His hole is still soft and loose and fucked open. But Ford enjoys petting his fingers against the tender muscle and stroking them inside anyway. He likes watching Stan bite his lip and push himself back onto his hand. When he slides a third in after the first two, Stan's thighs tremble on either side of his own, and he makes a low, throaty sound.

When Ford curls his fingers just right, Stan yells and grips his shoulder hard enough to hurt, and it makes warm satisfaction curl in his middle. So he does it a few more times, alternating between spreading his fingers and rubbing the tips against Stan's prostate until he's squirming in his lap.

"I-I'm gonna come if you don't knock that sh-shit off," he gasps, slumping a bit when Ford chuckles and slides his fingers out.

"I think I'd like that," Ford says, squeezing his slick fingers against Stan's thigh.

He snorts and straightens back up, finding the discarded lube packet to squirt the remainder onto Ford's cock. "Yeah, I bet you fucking would," Stan agrees, but there's no malice in his voice, just warm amusement.

His fist is warm and wonderful when it curls around Ford's cock, spreading lube, and then Ford is being held steady, Stan adjusts himself on his scuffed knees, and there's nothing else to do but hold on as Stan lowers himself into his lap.

It feels as good as it had earlier to be inside of him, and Ford squeezes the thigh under his hand tightly, fighting against the need to buck his hips. Stan is panting softly, his head tilted back and a pretty, pink color is crawling up from under his t-shirt to flood his neck and face.

Ford groans and leans forward, finding a nipple through his thin shirt to get his teeth and tongue against.

"F-Ford!" Stan gasps, fumbling the hand not clawing at his shoulder up into his hair, and Ford sucks hard on the firm nub, rubbing spit-soaked cotton against it with his tongue until Stan rocks in his lap.

Fuck, he likes that, the way his name sounds in Stan's voice, especially warm and rough after fucking his throat earlier.

He squeezes Stan's thigh and his hip, giving him a little tug, and that's all the encouragement Stan needs before he's bouncing on his cock. Ford has that thought again -- that Stan was meant to be filled by him, that they're a perfectly matched set. But it isn't just feeling good and hot while Stan fucks himself in his lap. It's feeling like he's been missing something and he finally has it, like he's finally complete again.

He's missed this, Ford realizes.

Not the fucking his brother part. He'd fantasized about that for years but it still feels like a dream that it's happening, like something that's too good to be true.

But being able to put his arms around him? To be this close to him again?

Ford rocks his hips up, hard, and Stan says his name. He wraps his fingers around Stan's cock, and he gasps his name. He bites the same swollen, pink nipple through his shirt, and Stan shouts his name.

He snaps his hips up to meet him a few more times and rubs the sensitive glans under the head of Stan's cock, and then there are teeth digging into his other shoulder and his fist and stomach are being striped in Stan's come while he shudders and jerks overtop of him.

Stan goes easily when Ford rolls them over and pins one of his wrists to the bed. And despite the way he squirms and how his spent cock twitches and leaks, blatantly overstimulated, he hooks his ankles behind Ford's back and urges him on.

"C-C'mon, give it to me. Fuck, just like that, Sixer!"

The nickname hits him with all the subtlety of a truck and all the heat of a volcanic eruption.

He doesn't even remember coming so much as he remembers every synapses in his brain trying to fire at once. Coming back down to reality is a little clearer, with his head spinning and pulse racing as he flops onto his back, but it still takes several long minutes before he feels fully cognizant again.

Something makes the bed shift, and he looks over to see that Stan has rolled onto his stomach. Ford wonders if he looks half as fucked out as Stan does, with bruises blossoming across his body, his shirt rucked halfway up his stomach, and come staining his ass and thighs. Ford realizes Stan still has his socks on, and he can't figure out why that makes something twinge, hot but exhausted and halfhearted, in his gut.

"Gonna...gonna get up in a minute," Stan says, his voice slurring and his eyes already closed. Ford watches him rub his cheek against one of Ford's pillows, and the soft sound of snoring follows soon after.

The reality of the situation starts to settle in shortly after that, and Ford stares wide eyed up at the ceiling as if he'll find some sort of answers there. Unsurprisingly, there are no secrets etched overhead for how to reckon with the fact that he had just fucked his brother, twice, while the fate of the world was still very much hanging in the balance between his fraying sanity and Bill's looming threat.

".....Fuck," Ford murmurs.

When the adrenaline finishes seeping out of his system, Ford expects to crash. The exhaustion certainly climbs back into his bones, but he's surprised to find himself still clear headed. Focused.

The sound of Stan sleeping soundly beside him is as soothing as it is mocking, but he doesn't want to separate himself from it even though he knows he needs to get up. There's soft, gray light starting to creep in through the windows, and distant birdsong calling for the start of the day. He needs to readjust, to come up with a new plan, find some way to explain to Stan what's going on so they can buy themselves a little more time.

Against all odds and his better judgment, there's a tiny, optimistic voice in the back of his head reminding him that there's strength in numbers. He isn't surprised that it sounds like Stan.

#¯\_ (ツ)_/¯#stancest #nsft #i have been DYING to write this for 2 weeks #and i just haven't had the time to actually sit with it #so i hope it balances out the wait anon!#foodtruck’s snack packs #pretend my ask tag is cute

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azelmaandeponine · 12 hours ago

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I wish I could just say the amount of victim blaming of Ford is only a fandom thing but I also 100% believe Alex is also responsible for it because I got huge feelings that he used Ford as the scapegoat to blame most things both he and Stan are equally responsible for only on him cuz Stan's his favourite. I don't know how to explain it, but I really feel this way. Especially with some of the things I've seen he said about him. It just feels like he made both of them at fault but mostly on Ford then realised he fucked up and tried to change it but the damage had already been done but idk I might be taking this more serious than I should

Yeah. Ngl, this fandom has a really weird parasocial relationship with Alex. It's like they take take anything he says as 100% irrevocably factual, even if it's highly questionable. Alex has said uncomfortable things about Ford (and said some weird things about Pacifica, for that matter). And the fandom acts as if those things must be true, because Alex said them. Any other time, the same damn people would be happy to employ Death of the Author, except when Alex says things about his show (and especially when he says stuff about Ford).

What was actually written in the show was Stan and Ford being equally at fault for their broken relationship. Ford was written as a victim of horrific abuse from Bill yet Alex seemed to put most of the blame on Ford for being rightfully upset with Stan and pushed the idea that Ford was just "egotistical" and that's why he ended up in the situation with Bill and the portal (instead of, you know, the canonical abuse and manipulation), and the fandom ran with it.

The BoB indicates that Alex may have taken a more nuanced view on Ford these days, but the damage has been done.

That said, it doesn't absolve the fandom from blame, and they should really know better. And it definitely doesn't absolve anyone involved in this from ableism or victim blaming.

#gravity falls #anon #answers #ford pines #stanford pines #grunkle ford #abuse tw #victim blaming tw #fandumb #filthy ford apologist squad #ford defense squad #ford protection squad #fandom ableism #parasocial relationships #stan twins #stan pines #stanley pines #grunkle stan

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sunnyschristiancottage · 2 days ago

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I've noticed a lot of people who struggle with gender are atheist as well. I think the main reason (not the only one) why gender dysmorphia has become such a huge issue is because of our society. From what I've noticed, gender dysmorphia starts during most people's teenage years. That's what puberty kicks in, and it's a really confusing time. Your body is doing a lot of weird things, and it's really hard to feel comfortable in your own skin. Our society markets transitioning as the "solution" for this problem. It acts as a way to escape your problems instead of dealing with them and working throughout the hard times so ofc most people are gonna choose that route. For people who start transitioning as adults, for men, there's 2 main reasons why they transition. 1. Because they don't fit into the gender stereotypes, which leads to them thinking they must not be a man. 2. A fetish. Plain and simple. Whether they're aware of it or not. For women, it's usually because of not fitting into the gender stereotypes. Also, women can be cruel and mean to other women who don't fit in. I definitely dealt with this. You've heard about toxic masculinity. Now, I present toxic feminity. I'm a massive tomboy. Always have been. This made me an outsider to a lot of the girls in my communities. A lot of girls didn't pay much attention to me. Some girls were mean to me. But I always got along with my brother and his friends. This led me to believe I must not be a girl. And from what I've seen, it's very similar for many young girls. So yeah. From what I've seen, these are the most common reasons why people become trans. Ofc, humans are very complex, and you gotta take each transitioner case by case. The best I can do online is share my experience so that young people know transitioning isn't the only option, and they will feel comfortable in their bodies eventually, and that they shouldn't run away from their problems but instead face them head on.

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macaiv · 2 days ago

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Source: Sky Sports F1 Pre-Qualifying Show Las Vegas GP 2024

Esteban: Yeah it's definitely been awesome to just being able to have such a result after difficult season. Yeah it's been fantastic and also coming back here last year we had almost a podium, finished fourth. It was a very good race so there's a good momentum at the moment going on and obviously a big fight with the other teams until the end of the year. So it just brings more spice and more interesting things for us until the end of the year.

Transcript:

Rachel: So Esteban we're back in Vegas, it probably feels like a long time since Brazil but those memories must still be pretty good.

Rachel: What did it mean to the factory and to everyone who works in the team to have both of you up there because as you say it's been a really difficult year. Everyone's had to keep their heads down and keep working hard and try and get something out of this season.

Esteban: Yeah I mean there was a huge buzz inside the factory. It meant the whole world for the team. Everyone, everybody was working so hard you know to try and get a good car this year. Unfortunately we don't have the the car that we expected but it's a good reward for everyone and a very very nice one you for me and Pierre for sure to to be on the podium together. It's a special story for us and yeah definitely a moment that we will forever remember.

Rachel: Last three races with Alpine. How are you feeling? Is it weird?

Esteban: Yeah it's going to be emotional for sure especially the the last race but I've spent five years with this team. It's been a hell of a ride some good times some times a little bit more difficult but five years in formula one terms is a long time.

Rachel: You're making me feel really bad man.

Esteban: You've been here for a long time Rachel. But yeah no it's been nice obviously to get that last good results. I hope that we can get some good ones as well for for the rest of the year but it will be more tricky to be realistic to be honest. It won't rain for for the last three but yeah as I said it will be emotional but I'm looking forward to finish the story on the high.

Rachel: I mean this place is quite distracting, isn't it? This actual I mean the city itself have you been out what have you been doing and and I mean look at all this this is crazy.

Esteban: Yeah this is crazy and you know the sunset, the scenery and how it is you know the whole week. It's a standout race I would say compared to the rest of the year. It's a race that we've got really good surprises from last year. I think you know we were expecting something to be very different to actually how it is but it's a really good racing circuit. It can feel like it's warm because I'm wearing very thin jackets but I'm actually freezing for it.

Rachel: But I'm really warm that's the thing I'm really warm right now but I've got about 10 layers back in the office ready for it.

Esteban: Yes exactly just before you take them off and when we do the interview but no it's actually freezing so that brings opportunities because you know the tires the way they work you know it's not usual it's quite extreme so it should be interesting.

Rachel: All right, go well this weekend. Enjoy your last three races with Alpine. Thanks for talking to us.

Esteban: No problem. Thank you.

Bonus Part:

Simon: Well, it was a nice way, isn't it, to end his Alpine career. Great scenes up there. They're not always been the best of friends. We know that. Great rivals himself and Pierre Gasly. But I mean, what an enormous moment for the team, Jenson.

Jenson: Yeah, that was massive. That came from ninth in the championship to seventh. Right. Yeah, sixth. So they jumped three teams. That's massive. But this is a nice way to see out their championship. Well, they they're time together as teammates, as we know, they haven't seen eye to eye always. But to hug it out and stand on a podium together, it's pretty awesome.

Simon: Such similar careers that they've had as well.

Danica: I mean, it's a small world. You never know when you might run into each other or the or a team again or the team personnel within. So I think it's a really good thing to sort of be on this being this in this in this feeling at this point in the season as this comes to an end for Alpine with him. And, you know, he still has a chance to make some really great impression in their these last few races. Here last year, him and Pierre had a great race against each other. So, yeah, it's good to see good to see smiles.

Simon: Is he destined, though, do you think to be one of these drivers that last a long time in the sport, but perhaps doesn't get to one of the top drives, Esteban?

Martin: I think there's more potential in Esteban than he's showed. He fascinates me actually, because he is the nicest person you'd ever want to meet. And then when the helmet goes on, a little switch just behind you here that we've all got goes down and he turns into, with all due respect, a bit of a monster on the racetrack. And I think that energy is wasted in a way. I think there's more potential in him than he's delivered so far. But there's still time.

#esteban ocon #eo31

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dollcherray · 2 days ago

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ㅤㅤ౨ৎ LETS DROP THE BEAT ⟡ ݁₊ .

₊⊹ TF2 MERCS WITH LUCIO READER

౨ৎ Pst! Cherry says: hello, it's been a while, i've been feeling better these days, but to refrain from feeling burn out again, I'll keep the requests closed and write some fanfics to cope for some time, hope this is okay<3 this was inspired by @papil0nglegs , make sure to check out some of their work 🫶🏼 (little bonus at the end)

｡𖦹° Type: Romantic/platonic, fluff, headcanons, reader isn't necessarily male, just has the same abilities as Lucio but can be seen as any gender u want <3

✧₊⁺ Characters: Scout, Medic and Spy.

♡ Song: PUNK TACTICS

⟡ ݁₊ . SCOUT

౨ৎ He's very normal about you. (he's not)

౨ৎ When Scout first met you, he was already really into your style and personality itself, finally someone who could keep up with his electric self! you two were inseparable at the moment you were put together.

౨ৎ Not only Scout likes your personality as a whole, he enjoys your way of battling, he finds it fun and its refreshing to hear some other noise other than the constant screaming and chaos of the battlefield.

౨ৎ Everytime he needs healing now he'll go to you for help, Medic also thanks you almost everyday from saving him from hearing "DOC!!" in that damn boston accent everyday, all day.

౨ৎ Is amazed by your social skills and how quick you are to befriend (almost) everyone in the team, Scout himself is a social guy but you just beat him easily.

౨ৎ So he matches your energy SO MUCH, everytime you go: "Lets do this team" or something of the genre, Scout always go: "HELL YEAH!!! U KNOW!" he loves when u do that.

౨ৎ Sometimes y'all race in the middle of the battle just for the fun of it, sometimes you win, sometimes he wins, but its always fun for both of you either way.

౨ৎ "Can't stop, wont stop!" "Hey! that's my line!"

⟡ ݁₊ . MEDIC

౨ৎ He's... neutral about you.

౨ৎ While Medic thinks your way of battling weird, he is quite fond of your way of healing, it's efficient and quick, but its kind of a bummer have to keep up with you in order to heal, and keeping up with you is something only Scout can pull off.

౨ৎ This old man also thinks your boom box so annoying, everytime you're near him, he gets an headache, seriously, Medic sometimes gets angry at how "unnecessarily" loud you are, but he doesn't say anything cuz he knows you don't really care about his annoyance anyways.

౨ৎ But like i said: you have some points with him for saving him from Scout: Medic could feel himself aging 3x faster just from hearing Scout calling him.

౨ৎ Doesn't really Uber you since you're also on the healing side too, so he thinks it would be a waste, maybe he would if you asked for i but if not Medic won't even cogitate.

౨ৎ I have to say: Medic's a bit jealous of your tech and healing skills, but his pride would never allow him to admit it, usually would just try to do something alike in secret, if you catch him, doc's going to deny it to the end.

౨ৎ Medic finds you polite too, a bit too electric, but polite, even when he ends up envying your tech and whatnot... you always is positive towards the old doctor.

౨ৎ Not much to say, this man is cool with you.

౨ৎ "You ready doc?" "Let's do this mein Freund"

⟡ ݁₊ . SPY

౨ৎ Oh please stop.

౨ৎ You guys are polar opposites, while he's all sneaky and silent, you're all intense and loud, he HATES that, is it so hard for you to keep it down??

౨ৎ Sometimes he asks himself how do you even is one of the most efficient mercs, Spy thinks the way you work is so unprofessional.

౨ৎ You two have beef and it shows, everytime you two ends up interacting in the battlefield you always got some funny remark to make about him, and so does he.

౨ৎ You may or may not blow up his plan of sneaking behind enemies by making noise to startle the enemy, consequently getting him eliminated.

౨ৎ Spy is getting gray hairs just from people mentioning you, another one that always ends up with headaches because of your music, but unlike Medic he voices his annoyance, but again: you do not care, so you just mock him.

౨ৎ You also sometimes switch your healing area to speed when Spy tries to enter it to heal himself, and your little smug ass go: "We need a healer!" while spy is just 🧍🏼

౨ৎ Spy labels you the #1 stressful merc to be around now, making Scout go to 2nd place! congrats 🎉

౨ৎ "Must you always be so loud?" "not my fault you don't like music."

⟡ ݁₊ . BONUS !!

⟡ ݁₊ . Little interactions dialog you have with them<3

౨ৎ "Yo Scout, you killing it with that bat!" "And ur killing with those skates!"

౨ৎ "We need a healer!" "Very professional..."

౨ৎ "Lets pump this battlefield!" "I like your enthusiasm mein freund."

#tf2 scout #tf2 spy #medic tf2 #tf2 x reader #scout x reader #medic x reader #spy x reader #team fortress spy #team fortress scout #team fortress medic #team fortress 2 x reader #team fortress 2 #team fortress two #୨୧ cherry works

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thehollowwriter · 6 hours ago

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I've always found it so interesting how Vil describes himself and his actions as ugly, not his appearance. I'm tired af rn so I can't really put it into words, but it's very striking that Vil, at least to me, doesn't seem to believe in outward ugliness. In fact, he simply calls people potatoes. Not ugly. Potatoes. As some analysis' pointed out, it seems to be because he seems them as spudlings who haven't yet reached their potential. Like Quartz said, he doesn't want to change everything about you. He wants you to be the best you can be.

He is, as also Quartz said, a very selfless character and he seems to strive to be more than what he's been typecast as. That's part of why he had such an extreme breakdown from his actions and called himself "ugly." He was a villain. He was behaving just like others assumed he would. And if he's no more than the roles he's been trapped in, how could he possibly defeat Neige?

But in book 6, he had his "hero" moment. What he did was a huge sacrifice to make, especially when you consider what Vil risked. He risked literally his entire future and his reputation.

There are some fans who poke fun at him for being "shallow" crying about his appearance, but... wouldn't you?

Firstly, there's Vil's career. Remember, Vil is an actor and a model. He works in two industries that are centred around beauty. You can't have wrinkles, you can't be fat, you can't be unappealing for even a second. You must conform to beauty standards at all times. That includes not just your appearance, but what you eat and what activities you partake in, since certain eating habits and hobbies are associated with certain appearances (e.g ugly gamer).

Now that he's like this... who's going to want him as a model? Who's going to want to cast him in any role outside of an evil old hag, if they want him at all? How will his fans, the faceless masses who fixate on his appearance, react? Is there any guarantee they'll stick around?

Vil's entire future has potentially gone up in flames. He's been acting and modelling since he was a small child. What else could he possibly do?

Secondly, there's the fact that Riddle just got white hair, while Vil got all of his youth sucked out of him. He was not old just in appearance, his body was old. That's his entire future suddenly severed. He's human, and humans don't live for very long compared to fae.

From Vil's perspective, the decades of life ahead of him are gone. Now, in this frail body, who knows how much time he has left? Who knows what health problems might start ailing him and taking him early?

Well gee, no wonder he's crying! He might lose everything and he might also die much sooner than expected. I hardly find that shallow.

I find the comparison of Vil to a stereotypical mean girl overall very weird. Mean girls purposefully bully and tear down others to lift themselves up. When they insult people's fashion or appearance, it's not because they think they can improve. It's because they view those people as below them. Sometimes the outfit itself isn't even bad. It's just "poor people clothing."" Mean girls are also very manipulative and will tear others down to climb up the ladder and come out on top, even if they have to cheat and lie to do so.

Vil isn't like that at all. He doesn't insult, he criticises. And like I said, he sees people's potential and wants them to live up to it. His goal is not to tear them down and make himself feel better. As far as fashion goes, Vil knows different styles work on different people, and with how his character is, he's most certainly not going to hate or bully someone for using a "poor brand" or whatever.

Vil literally refuses to cheat!!! He does not want to win against Neige through cheating, because he knows that's not truly a win. He wants to earn that win. When he tried to poison Neige, that was a complete mental breakdown and he immediately regretted it.

So yeah. Vil is a harsh, but nurturing and actually very kind and selfless guy. Leave him.

(If I got anything wrong pls forgive me I haven't read book 5 in a while. @v-anrouge you're the Vil expert pls lmk if there's anything to add or correct)

Vil yap session

#quinn quips #quinn reblogs #quinn's friends #quarts #vil schoenheit #pomefiore #twisted wonderland

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winters-on-the-wing · 18 hours ago

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my impression of the marauders as somebody who is extremely new to the fandom

this will probably make people mad. i am ready for that.

remus lupin -> he seems cool. his lore is fascinating. imagine being bitten by a werewolf and having your entire life ruined just because somebody has beef with your dad. that's some tea. i think his personality is cool, he seems very rough-and-tumble while also being quiet and plaintive, and i love how he has more street-smarts than book-smarts. the chocolate jokes are already getting old, though, i fear. besides aren't dogs allergic to chocolate?

sirius black -> this guy also seems cool. i like his natural swagger he's got going on. i hate how people are framing him as some "puppy dog" character when he's clearly got such a suave and effortless cool factor that clearly differentiates him from the others. i also think his lore is interesting. i love when the older sibling is the scapegoat, i feel like so often, the younger sibling is victimized in fandoms and i like the little reverse of expectations with that.

james potter -> THIS GUY IS MY FAVORITE HE IS LITERALLY ME. i think jegulus is stupid (to me, it just seems like a bunch of walking talking tropes, no real substance, and i hate how it frames james as some overly-masculinized knight-in-shining-armor archetype with no real personality of his own besides being regulus' savior), and i love how he defends lily from the others' teasing. i adore how his lore and personality set him up for such an interesting character development. it is so interesting to follow an uncorrupted child who has never known pain, to see him throw himself into harm's way because he feels like he has to. i also LOVE that he is a deer because i've always seen myself a deer-like sort of person. and oh did i mention that james is literally me? also his personality seems like such a nice mix of mr. popular and a fantastical, elvish presence.

peter pettigrew -> idk how to feel about him. he kinda pisses me off but i also feel like too many people are writing him off when he has the potential to be just as interesting a character as all the others. i kind of resent the idea that he was a "traitor" type from the start because the idea of him being a traitor is supposed to be a huge surprise that nobody saw coming. i love the idea of him being like a well-meaning jokester sort of person who sometimes goes too far, but just wants to be liked and wants to belong very badly.

regulus black -> okay so this is probably very unpopular but i think regulus is such an interesting antagonist. i don't want to redeem him. i don't want to ship him with any of the marauders. i think he best serves the universe as an antagonist role, somebody who holds so much bitterness and fear in his soul, to the point where he is destroying himself and everything around him to try and get what he wants - but the problem is that he does not know what he wants. i previously mentioned that i think the ship between him and james is dumb, and i stand by that. i think it would be cooler if regulus and james were sort of like enemies, though not overtly. regulus feels like james is taking away sirius and further corrupting him, destroying who sirius was. james feels like regulus is preventing sirius from growing and escaping his life of misery. but the thing is, they both love sirius. just in very complex ways. i love the idea of regulus being a tortured villain, his situation does not excuse his awful actions, but they explain them in a way that makes your heart ache for him, and then makes you feel like a weird asshole for feeling bad for him. that just seems so cool to me.

lily evans -> this is MY GIRLLL. i think she is so cool, so sweet and smart. the only thing with her that i find a bit annoying is that she's close with snape, who i find super annoying. but i love her attitude and her vibe. she's a strong woman without being one of those obnoxious "i'm a strong female character" archetypes. her strength lies in her actions, not her words. i also do think that her relationship with james is adorable and i hesitate to throw it away for the sake of gay ships, but i do think canon deviance with the marauders ships offers so much creative freedom, so james is not the only person i could potentially see her with. i think she could offer such an amazing platonic role in any story, and i hate the notion that the only storyline she offers is a romantic connection with james.

marlene mckinnon -> again, i am obsessed with her. i do not know much about her compared to the other characters, but what i do know about her, i love. i think she is so fun, and her personality is a great mix of strength and integrity. she sort of reminds me of a happier version of katniss from the hunger games. willing to fight for what she believes in, but she uses her power to support her values. i also feel like she and katniss have a similar dry humor that is so funny without even trying. i also love the idea that out of all the marauders, she is among the ones with the least emotional intelligence, in the sense that she isn't a "voice of reason" character like lily is. i hate when all of the woman characters are magically emotional geniuses.

severus snape -> i think he is incredibly annoying and i hate the narrative that he's just a poor baby who was bullied by the marauders. i just feel like he has such a victim complex about everything, and a lot of jealousy when it comes to his relationship with lily. i get that he did not have as much social power as the marauders, but if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt. i don't view him as completely unsympathetic per se, but i much prefer to view him from an antagonistic lens. he just seems like such a whiner. like if you don't want people to make fun of you, then don't be an asshole to them? maybe i am being overly harsh, but as somebody who was bullied, i think it is ridiculous to frame snape's situation as bullying because he is literally such an instigator. the whole point of bullying is that it is unprompted. like come on he is NOT a little wet cat of a victim.

and the other characters, i do not know enough about to form a coherent opinion. i do know of dorcus, alice, preston, and emmaline, but not nearly enough. i would love some advice on who they are and what they contribute to the story!

also i have not read all of "all the young dudes", i made it to chapter nine and then got overwhelmed by all the names, so i got the quick cliffsnotes of the lore from my best friend. i don't care about spoilers, i would actually love them!

also please don't get mad about my opinions, this is all lighthearted and again, i don't know shit about this fandom so i am pulling most of this out of my ass.

#marauders #the marauders #marauders fandom #marauders era #remus lupin #james potter #regulus black #sirius black #peter pettigrew #lily evans #severus snape #marlene mckinnon

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raddagher · 23 hours ago

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Arcane is over (😭) and I have some criticisms so here are my lists of who Won and who Lost in no particular order

LOST SEASON 2

1. Isha

Literally wasn't even mentioned after she died, like wtf was that

We couldn't have a memorial or anything? Come on

Her sacrifice was ultimately meaningless because Warwick got brought back anyway

2. Sevika

Didn't get a single line through all of Act 3

Where is my wife

At least she didn't die?

3. The entire Undercity, to be honest

Where did the independence thread go

Giving Sevika a council seat wasn't enough

I don't like that so many of them had to fight in Enforcer uniforms, that felt wrong

That was the MAIN CONFLICT for most of the show. It felt so weird to gloss over it at the end

4. Vander/Warwick

Gonna be real I wasn't super crazy about most of his presence here, I don't feel like it actually contributed much to anyone's development, except MAYBE Viktor's

We would not have lost anything if they didn't have the flashback scene with their mom

Super didn't like Jinx's ending as it pertained to him

5. Jinx

Hey I super don't like that every character who had a moment of suicide ideation or attempt ended up dead or "dead"

I don't like the way she "died" it didn't feel earned

I don't feel like the ending she got aligned well with her character at all. She spiraled and then just. stayed at the bottom of the spiral :(

They put a TON of family stuff in act 1 and 2 that didn't get resolution in 3

I think they kinda did my girl dirty I'm sorry

6. Loris

Clearly would have had more of a role if they didn't have to cut him for time

NEITHER WON NOR LOST SEASON 2

1. Vi

I want to say she won because she got to bang her cop girlfriend in a prison cell and the sex scene was good as hell but

She also was just taking massive L's the whole time

Like it never felt like she ever had any real wins other than that and that bummed me out

Didn't get enough time to be a dumbfuck with Jayce :(

Caitlyn

Didn't get enough proper resolution for her wonderful fascist arc

She felt a little dropped in Act 3 as well

Glad she got that Vussy tho, good for her

And I did like the vs Ambessa fight, that was also good

I honestly feel like Viktor and Jayce's romance was written better than her and Vi's, and as a gay woman who is constantly watching mlm relationships get so much more attention, it rubs me the wrong way

WON SEASON 2

1. Viktor (OBVIOUSLY)

The fucked up robot army. The religious imagery. The body horror. His robot alien design is scary as fuck. Absolutely incredible work

Got to be taller and stronger than Jayce hooray

They're canon. That was the gayest shit I've ever seen in my life

I do wish they had spent more time overall fleshing out more of the disability commentary, I feel like it was a little lacking in the end

Nevertheless BEAUTIFUL and HORRIFYING and TRAGIC

2. Jayce

See above

Yeah he also got to be a big hero and got to be resolved really well

Did NOT see his death coming that was crazy

They Magnus 200'd his ass, damn

He chose Viktor over everything I'm emo

They made a heart when they touched their foreheads together fuck OFF

3. Heimerdinger

Literally just living his best life

Love that he didn't tell Ekko he can't die, he just let the poor boy think he got fuckin atomized, king shit, that's hilarious

I would have stayed in that universe too tbh

4. Ambessa

The single tear over Kino. Her love for her children at direct odds with her need for control. Her arc was explored so well

Died a warrior's death at the hands of her brilliant daughter, I know that's how she would have wanted to go

Also was very hot in every scene. Good for her (and good for me)

She just got a lot of love from the writers and I'm very happy to see that effort put into an older Black woman character

5. Mel

Speaking of gorgeous Black women

I was so worried she was going to get dropped but her ending was SO good

Her glow up with the gold is fantastic, she looks amazing in the white hood

Love that they gave her abilities that would inherently change her priorities AND gave her the throne of Noxus, I have high hopes that she'll be prominent in another show in the future

They made her such a powerful badass but still let her be merciful and forgiving. Absolutely amazing. She is the wolf

6. Ekko (?)

On the fence about him

LOVED the au scene. Perfect

And I loved that our boy savior got to be the one that set off the bomb that stopped Viktor

But he was kind of dropped otherwise? Like what happened with his tree?

Generally wish he had more development and screentime in this season

But I'm happy he was so pivotal to the climax

AND I'm happy he got to kiss Powder. He and Jinx would never have worked out

7. Maddie

Haha I never liked you. Get fucked you horrible little bootlicker. Typical cop

8. Singed

How come YOU get everything you want?

Fuck you.

Basically all my criticisms boil down to it feeling rushed overall. It's clear that they intended to have more time, and that breaks my heart. We all know Netflix's reputation for cancelling stuff out of the blue, and I've heard that maybe certain parties were unhappy with the depictions of gay romance and realistic social revolution. Whatever the reasons, I wish they had a third season, because I think they could have solved every problem I have with it. Regardless, it's an incredible work of art and very likely one of if not THE best animated series ever made.

#arcane #arcane spoilers

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imobsessivesometimes · 3 days ago

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Eazy-Duz-It // Logan Howlett x Reader

PT 3

a/n i really like this chapter tbh i thought it was cute

First nights anywhere are hard. The unfamiliarity of the new environment induces paranoia that's hard to get over. It makes sleeping harder than it needs to be. New sheets and pillows make a game out of finding the perfect spot to lay on. A stupid, annoying game. The shadows of the trees outside are new, the way they sway isn't comforting like it the trees at my favorite park. The only park where police won't kick me out of for sleeping in my car there. The bed is too big here. The mattress is a completely different stiffness to than the seats in the backseat. The material of the comforter doesn't compare to the blankets I stupidly left in my car. I'll have to remember to bring those in next time I find myself in the garage. The mansion is fucking huge. I can't get anywhere without having to ask directions or follow someone. I've started to figure out how to get to the nearest piano. I'm surprised they even have one. I would've thought it'd be too dangerous to have an old grand around kids with unpredictable abilities. Guess not.

With the help of Ororo, I've come up with a way for kids to feel comfortable exploring music. We put up sign-up sheets in most classrooms for one-on-one piano lessons. I asked Logan if he could help me move the grand piano into a private room. Surprisingly, he agreed. Something about having nothing else worthwhile to do. None of the doorways were big enough to fit it through without taking it apart (which I don't know how to do or put back together) so we had to find someone who could phase objects. To my surprise there was a student that could! Logan had all but carried the piano in himself after the student allowed for the piano to be phase-able, it would've gone through the floor otherwise. A few other x- men walked by while Logan was in the middle of getting it through, they shot a few weird looks at me. If only I could phase, too.

Tomorrow, or I guess today, will be the start of the private lessons. I've never taught someone how to play the piano. The closest I've gotten to teaching a kid piano was in elementary school when the class was learning to play the keyboard, but I had already been playing for a few years thanks to my parents. I was a prodigy of 'Mary Had a Little Lamb', a true marvel to witness. In college, I majored in performance, not education. It had been a few years since I've been in school, tossing and turning in the too-white, white sheets was my only way of trying to bring forward the information I had accidentally locked away.

Fuck this.

I threw the sheets off me. Sleeping clearly isn't going to happen. I got up to open the door, silently praying it didn't creak. My feet patted against the rug that rolled along the length of the hallway and down the stairs to the main floor. I made a few wrong turns on the main floor before reaching the kitchen. The light was on, but no one was inside. I rummaged through a few cabinets before finding an assortment of tea bags, a kettle was already near the stove. I put the kettle on and watched it closely from the counter so it wouldn't whistle and wake the entire house.

"What the hell are you doin'?" the only gruff voice I know came from an archway to my right. Logan looked just as tired as I felt. He wore a white shirt that I'm not sure if he wore during the day or not, and jeans. Like a weirdo.

"Uh, making tea? Good for the pipes," I responded. He looked to the kettle steaming on the stove, turned back to me, and began walking over.

"Ya singin' at 3 in the mornin'?" he tilted his head like a dog asking for people-food.

"Totally, that's what you're doing up, right?" I scoffed. Logan leaned his forearms on the counter next to where I sat. The air around him wasn't playful despite the words coming out of his mouth. He wasn't awake because he was a night owl. "Want some?" I motioned towards the kettle.

"Tea? No, I don't do tea."

"It's non-caffeinated, it might help you sleep." I tried.

"I don't have trouble sleeping," he pushed off the counter in defense.

"But you have trouble staying asleep,"

The air grew a little thicker, maybe from the steam the kettle was letting out. He stood looking at me, I couldn't tell if he was blinking. After a few seconds he tore his eyes away with a sigh. He rubbed his hands through his hair and down his face, messing up his perfect bedhead and making it even better. "Yeah," he mumbled, barely audible. He sat down, the poor wooden stool creaking just like the stairs.

"You can have a sip of mine, see if you like it," I offered, he waved his hand dismissively, but stayed seated. I prepared my cup of tea and held it out for Logan to smell. He didn't take the mug from the handle, not even wincing from the heat, and brought it up to his nose. I overheard from one of the students that he had heightened senses, I don't know why he held it so close. He didn't blow on the drink before taking a swig. He put the mug down while licking his lips. "So?"

"It's fine," he shrugged.

"Woah! That's a more positive response than I was expecting," I beamed. Logan leaned back with arms crossed and huffed something along the lines of a scoff and laugh.

"Just don't expect to see me down here brewin' myself some," he cocked an eyebrow.

"Not yet, at least," I winked while taking the mug back, blowing on it, and taking a sip myself. It was still too hot; I coughed a little. Out of the corner of my eye, it looked like Logan's eyebrow shifted to a crease of worry. "Hot," I got out.

As I set the mug down again, Logan spoke, "What are ya really doin' up? Ya said the tea would help me sleep, what 'bout you?"

"Well, uh, I," I stuttered, Logan was staring me down like a hawk, I would've hated to be questioned by this guy when I was in that container. I laughed nervously, "it's stupid,"

"No, it's not," he quickly rebutted.

"It's just, I'm nervous for tomorrow-today. A kid signed up for a piano lesson." I looked down, I couldn't handle the intensity of his stare. I caught a glimpse of myself in the tea, disheveled and tired. I didn't look like I could help someone.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Logan huffed.

"Well, yeah, but I dunno, I've never done something like this. I don't really help people like you do, like any of the x-men here do. You all teach important things like how to defend yourself or how to, I dunno, train your abilities. What if I'm doing more harm than good in the long run?"

"I didn't know learning music was such a big deal," Logan shrugged. He eyed the mug of tea; the thin line of steam had stopped. "It's not hot anymore,"

"Huh? Oh, thanks," I stuck my finger in the tea and swirled it around a little, "music isn't necessarily a big deal, but, to me, right now, it is. I don't know if I can help these kids."

"You keep saying that, but you took the job, right? The first thing to helping people is wanting to help people. I think you're doing fine." Logan leaned forward, pushing your wrist away from the mug and taking a sip from it.

"I never thought about it like that, thanks, Logan." I smiled slightly, but also a little confused at his actions. "Thought you didn't like tea?"

"No, I said ya wouldn't catch me makin' it myself. Why should I make it when ya do a fine job?" he raised the mug up in cheers. That knocked me out of my head long enough to pull a light chuckle from my lips.

"Thank you, Logan. I think I'm gonna head up. Comin' with?" I stood and asked.

"Think I'll finish this, see ya around, kid." he turned around and headed off in the opposite direction of the staircase.

#logan howlett #wolverine #x men #logan howlett x reader #logan howlett x you

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karanseraph · 1 day ago

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Today's Double feature is Age of Extinction (2014) and Transformers One (2024).

General notes: these movies are made 10 years apart. Interesting. That means that like Transformers One came out in the 40th Anniversary year of the brand that Age of Extinction must have been around the 30th Anniversary, when there was that whole Thrilling 30 thing.

Transformers is animated adventure type genre movie while Age of Extinction is a live-action (with animated robots) movie in a sort of action blockbuster genre.

I didn't see many parallels between the two movies, not in the way I did with the other double features, where there's some clear parallel or an example of reversal from one movie to how the same element was treated in the other movie.

I've been trying to think how to word or to technically describe the difference in the whole feel and structure of these movies. It's kinda like if we imagine them as novels, then Age of Extinction was written in an omniscient POV which can show us directly things that happen millions of years ago or can show us different events from around the world that are happening at the same time. The audience doesn't experience the actions of Cemetery Wind team through the Autobots or Yaeger family, but the audience sees the actions of Attinger and his Rogue CIA group even before the Autobots learn the details. Which, I think lessens the impact when the protagonists do learn what is happening, because the audience already knows. We already know Ratchet got killed when Optimus finds out about it, for example.

In Transformers One the POV is somewhat more limited. The flashbacks and lore-drops have a diegetic presentation as Alpha Trion's recordings and presentations show the audience these past events as the characters are also learning of them. I feel this has more impact.

IIRC there are a very few instances in which the audience sees events in Transformers One other than when Orion or D-16 are present. I think there are a few scenes in which Sentinel reacts to the race or speaks with Airachnid that arguably is not in the usual limited POV following Orion and D. But most of the movie does follow them. There's even a fade-to-black when they are knocked out and taken by the High Guard. We don't witness how they are transported and find ourselves the audience there looking at Starscream on his throne. We also, don't see what happens with Elita between the time she's fired by Darkwing and when she enters the train where Orion, D, and B are hiding. But, we do later see her encounter with Airachnid when Orion is not present but only in contact over comms. It's not strictly one or two perspectives, but it is limited and expands only as needed to show a significant event.

Age of Extinction (and most of the Transformers live-action movies) jump around showing us what people all over the planet are doing. It's like the movie equivalent of reading a Dan Brown novel.

Whereas Transformers One, we could imagine, is more like reading a YA Science-Fiction/Fantasy novel that closely follows a few characters.

I think in terms of the ranking of the movies, Age of Exitinction is maybe very slightly above Dark of the Moon for me. Both movies still probably have way more human characters than they need and have some genre and tonal differences. And Age of Extinction has the time-skip/new team hurdle to get over. And Age of Extinction also has the weird episodic muti-ending feeling. *BUT* Age of Extinction has scenes of robots talking to each other and not just being props in the background. Bee doesn't talk/radio as much in this movie, I felt, but when we get Hound, Drift, and Crosshairs interacting with each other as well as Bee and Prime it's something that was missing from the previous movies. Like, some of the characters like Jolt, Dino/Mirage, Sideswipe had some actions or one-liners, but they didn't really have much interaction or personality. The bots in Age of Extinction have enough personality to have rivalries and disagreements but work through that to still save the world. Road Warrior Megatron + Sentinel Prime were much better than Galvatron. He was a lame villain. And those KSI bots were so generic (but intentionally because mass-produced knock-offs in universe) the way so many generic Decepticons showed up in scenes of Revenge of the Fallen or Dark of the Moon. But, Age of Extinction also has Lockdown and he felt like a villain with swagger.

So, this thing that Age of Extinction actually did better than the previous movies was then 10 years later done *even better* by Transformers One, in which they just made all the characters the bots, whether the main protagonists, antagonists, minor supporting characters, or background extras.

Since I found out that Transformers One is on Paramount+ in my region, and since I still have access to this service, I've been watching it every day and then watching some other Transformers content I have access to. Back-to-back like.

It's only been a few days.

The first day I watched Transformers One and then about 6-ish episodes of EarthSpark 'Season 3 '. Transformers One IMO, is the superior work. I don't hate EarthSpark (the obvious shift between seasons 1 and 2 does frustrate me). It generally does a lot of things I like. One of them is that it has an interesting animation style in which the 'Transformers Bots' come out looking very toy-like and the special effects 2D in style and it makes me feel like the whole thing is someone playing with toys, but in a good way (except one of the kids I'm playing with wants to go in a direction I don't like). Anyway, Transformers One is just a more epic thing all around. It's from the same era but made with different style and design. Less like toys (weirdly, considering Director, eh?) and more like an animated Science Fiction/Adventure in general. Also, arguably deeper resonance in the characters and their arcs.

The next day I watched Transformers One and then Rise of the Beasts, which only came out a little more than a year before. So, similar era of media, again. Animation vs 'live action' (but we know those bots are all animated just in a 'realism' style). The characters look pretty good to me in both. And the plots and characters and their arcs are different, but both are interesting and have resonance. I mean it's like the 'brothers' that turn into enemies with one, but then in the other it's largely about these two (three but Primal is so ahead of the others) guys from different planets trying to do their best for their own families and coming together to fight a destructive force. So, both movie are pretty epic. I kinda want others to watch these back-to-back to see what they feel, because one movie is like the one splitting apart and the other is about separate people joining as one.

Now, today I'm watching The Transformers: The Movie (I believe I own this one) and Transformers One back-to-back double feature. I'm still in the midst of this. But I think TF:tM holds up. It's 80s as Hell, right? 1986 up against 2024. But if I think about it in terms of "was this good or typical of its time" then both movies looked good in their era. Both animated, though different in technique and style. Both make use of Quintessons while the main foe is someone else. Both pretty epic plots. Both have that sort of cultural resonance where Transformers One does have those sort of Prince of Egypt vibes (I see what you did TFWiki) or like shades of Set and Osiris or vaguely The Lion King where there's a pair of close characters who split apart dramatically with betrayal. And Transformers: the Movie is very Hero's Journey itself borrowing heavily from Star Wars. Both these movies made use of some amount of celebrity casting and it worked. Transformers One several more girl or woman type characters than Transformers: The Movie, but that's also likely reflective of the eras in which they were made. Transformers One still mainly has the one main pink heroic girl and dark bad girl characters which is a thing with this whole genre of the action toyline adaptation, but yes, many other different types of bots in the background.

I think maybe Bumblebee tomorrow?

#comparison #transformers #transformers one #age of extinction

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onesunofagun · 1 year ago

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You know, I'm going to put a thought down because I'm thinking about this again because of the post earlier.

It might be a vent? I think it's more just me trying to describe a feeling so it's outside me and I can look at it.

I've seen a lotta discourse and a lot of theories and different takes out there. There's always gonna be some stuff that's frustrating because it's something Sus being widely normalised, but generally speaking, I think the varied perspective and ideas are always good thing in a fandom.

I've seen all sorts of ideas be explored-- in fics, in doujins and art, in roleplay, in lore essays-- over the years. I like to think I have a pretty good map on the fandoms I've been online and present in since the early 00s. I can usually remember context about how certain stuff came about, like what tropes or ideas got popular when and how, whether through shipping or fanon or mangas or general knowledge about the development process.

When you've been in a fandom a long time-- especially if you have made a lot of contributions to it, at any point-- sometimes you even have a part in shaping certain idea flows within it, yourself.

So I have had the chance to see and contribute to a lot of conversations that have happened over and over and over again, in a kind of generational way. I have seen certain discussions from old forums, translate to fics. I've seen them pop up on tumblr, then tumble to Reddit, then YouTube. I have watched the spread through the general sphere of things, get added to and turned over and re-examined.

For the record: I love watching that process, and I like being part of that process! Mentally tracking the grandfathered in fandom history has also become its own kinda hobby for me.

I've always found it interesting mapping where new fans come in, seeing how they orient themselves and what they pick up-- how and why and what they do with it, whether I appreciate it or not (I highlight biases that are related to harmful ideas when I see them to illuminate them).

Seeing certain concepts be repeatedly rediscovered and watching how certain waves of fans digest them is fascinating. Sometimes with surprising results, sometimes with disappointing results, but it's fascinating either way. That's kind of part of the appeal having been here so long and why I came back into (mild) activity-- I get to study and dissect the fandom behaviours as well.

But despite all of that, I've found I don't really appreciate a good number of the popular YouTubers who focus on Zelda as their channel topic.

I think I've developed a bit of a distaste for a few of them in particular, actually--the big number Zeldatuber channels. Mostly the ones that seem to be the theorycrafters that kinda followed on from a MatPat style format. All of my love to well researched videos analysing the themes and meta, and all the silly boundary breaks and speedruns, mind. But I found I got really disillusioned with the handful of channels that rose to prominence and how their content shifted with that growth.

With the potential to monetise their discussions and discords worth of people and patrons driving this kinda content, I do think a lot about things that have been discussed in the fandom in the past that get taken up and regurgitated as part of that grind. I have lost track of how many videos that have come out of a few big Zeldatubers of this vein gave me a really weird slimy feeling and I am trying to work out what it is.

I'm not super invested in watching much of Zeldatube at large, mostly because I've seen most popular subjects covered in many variations. I'm a lot more personally interested in analysis, rather than theorycraft, so take it with a grain of salt that I may have a bias too (The popular Zonai fixation really doesn't interest me at all, and Zeldatube burnt out on that hard).

A lot of the channels like this seem to present their stuff like it is brand new and never been seen before, and like it's a great achievement in sleuthing or that they've cracked a code-- but not in a fun feeling way. Not in an exciting personal discovery way, but in a way that feels like it's propping up an exclusivity around that channel, and its validity as a leading authority on Zeldadom. There's something vaguely newsfeed-like, or sensationalist about it to me, with tight knit associations to other big channels making the same type of content (and about the same types of subjects as far as I ever noticed, and widely overlapping perspectives).

I wonder if that's a cynical feeling that I have where I'm just being an old man yelling at clouds, but there's really something that rubs me wrong about the handful of top channels like this. Something about the way they generate and present, and potentially profit from, often long running fandom concepts and otherwise freely shared ideas that have had many contributions feels off.

Maybe it's also me struggling to understand the closed off nature of how a lot of people just absorb the series secondhand now, and how normal it is to have the most popular Zeldatube channels setting the tones and assumptions around lore for large swatches of the newer fans. And not because old guard gatekeeping, but because there's an obvious chasm there between new and old fans of the same media that now exists that's seemingly getting wider.

I do sometimes worry about the trend of recycled old fanon staples presented as brand new takes, because of that-- or worse, sold as the definitive take, especially when a lot of people do just accept them and then go off and start arguments because 'big Zeldatube said so' and they must know best.

Sometimes I wonder if the trend is actually adding to issues with consumption vs engagement, in terms of media literacy and fandom interaction. There's certainly some theories, because of these channels, widely taken as a kind of gospel from the 'zelda experts' like the discussion is already closed; mystery solved. I've legit seen smaller youtubers be accused of stealing or copying theories from the larger channels, when making detailed and well researched videos about canon lore. I have had multiple interactions with fans who just link to a popular video and be like 'here watch this, it'll explain it' like they can't even be bothered to have their own take, but they're also not interested in yours.

The way big Zeldatube presents itself and gets consumed at large, though, I guess I just don't recognise that as the same as seeing a new fan have a joyful discovery of something from their own interactions with the franchise and fandom. I realise that the channel runners are fans themselves, but I suppose I mean that the platform feels more like a degree of professional separation that's very closed. It's become 'Zelda is my job now' thing that's focused on interest trends and news.

Something something, decades of fandom interaction and discussion and archiving getting scraped and haphazardly slapped together again for the content grind because clout and profit??

That feels mean to say but--

"Like and subscribe and join my patreon for more content, often mined from various thoughts around the fandom to make up a new video to schedule" is how it often tastes to me and that's not a flavour I enjoy.

Again, by all means, not applicable to the whole of Zeldatube or many fans who do watch the big channels. But this kinda thing does feel like a pervasive and popular part of the theorycrafter channels. Commodification of theory, and exploitative platforms built off a community's back, leave a lot of the big Zeldatubers without my support or endearment. I feel incredibly conflicted about them.

Is that anything?

#shut up hero #its about the big zeldatube theory guys #I don't know I've got some weird feels about it #long too sorry

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disposal-blueeee · 26 days ago

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VARGASTOBER - day 28 : fantasy

#vargas #edgar vargas #vargas zarla #scriabin #scriabin vargas #vargastober #zarla s #vargastober2024 #vargastober 2024 #sunny's art #late but this time i do have an actual excuse #GUESS WHO GOT SICK AGAIN .#if i had a dollar for every time i got sick on a vargastober . i'd have two dollars #and there have only been two vargastobers . i swear !!!!#i'm feeling way better now . aside from some considerably intense stomach pain .#. i will choose not to worry about it for now !#my everything hurts . i've had some weird days recently .#but well . i still have two pieces in mind .#i'll probably upload one of them after october is over but hey not like i can do anything else #i'll probably write an entry for this one !#i don't know if i should start the next piece or get the entry done . ugh #this next one could be pretty good if i get it right #bye i need to take a shower

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spotaus · 4 months ago

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Thinking about Orchid and her connection to my take on Gender (because this was meant to be about her and the Crew but it just devolved into a character analysis kinda??? More trauma-dumping maybe???) This is very much an oc/personal rant so feel free to ignore it 🫡

So, Orchid started off as a character I didn't really think much of (hear me out this is going to be relevant) because I wanted to add a 'girl' character but didn't know what to *do* with her, y'know? She was always going to be the strongest one there, she had the odds stacked in her favor with her parents. She was always going to be the gloomy side-character to match Reset's energy. But I think she's gone through every stage of Generic Woman I could possibly find.

At first she was angry and abrasive (think Fell!Sans) where every other word was a curse and she was likely to throw the first punch then laugh as she kicks her enemy while they're down. This was when Reset was a cartoonishly self-centered villain whose goal was simply to prove others wrong. Then Orchid became a sort of sisterly figure. This was short-lived, but she was the one comforting people who Reset would torment, but would ultimately follow his orders, because at this point he was actually a danger and sadistic. And then there was the phase where the story mellowed out and she became the token Goth Girl who, yes she was strong, but was heavy on the 'whatever' energy. Then there was her Era of deep self-loathing and anxiety about her worth that held her back and made her a much more timid and meek character who would only lash out on occasion.

Now, Orchid is the best of those iterations I've written yet. She's calm, level-headed, and a natural leader. Her father raised those traits into her. But she's very reactive, and can be silly, and when she's comfortable it's likely that air of importance transforms into something more comfortable and familiar. She laughs loudly and grins wide, she likes loud video-games but loves to read in the quiet. She's extremely disciplined, and normally no one can get through her tough exterior besides her best friend, Reset. She does what she does for her own enjoyment, sure, but she's thought of every angle and makes her choice to help Reset and control the others with her whole chest. She still worries she won't live up to her invisible expectations, and that and her loyalty are her two driving forces.

I know that Orchid is important to me because she's the longest-running female oc I've had. I have a rough relationship with womanhood/girlhood and I know looking back that Orchid recieved every ounce of my distaste for being a woman that I could shovel into her. That never made her less of a character, she was actually always one of my favorites, and rarely was she a 'punching bag oc'. I just... projected onto her a lot. And she's a good sign of how I've learned who I am. I've decided that my own femininity is something I could live without. I'd rather not associate myself with it, and I'd like to leave it in my past, focusing on a future where I'm not tied down with any gender roles or expectations. That won't happen, but I've come to terms with it myself. Orchid though? I figured out through her that I don't have to hate women characters. My own distaste for my circumstances doesn't mean I have to push it onto my characters (on God I've never expressed anything rude to actual people, that'd be rude as hell and uncalled for, but I have a bad habit of disliking fictional women in media). So, Orchid is a well-roubded character finally. She has motivations abd goals and a *lot* more depth than I ever expected her to. She's happy with being a woman, she's content. She's not treated differently for it in unfair ways by those she cares about, so she doesn't mind it. She likes to wear pretty outfits and lets Reset add bows to her ribbons. She doesn't let being a woman hold her back in the slightest.

So, yeah. Orchid is one of my babies. If I ever leave this Fandom behind for good, she's one that's coming with (Ichor, Orchid, and Pretender all have human designs I can use elsewhere lol-) but in the meantime I'll just rotate her around in my brain for a while longer.

If I'm right, she's been with me for nearly 5-6 years and I went through a *lot* with her as an outlet. So, she's kinda just like an old stuffed animal. A lil ripped, matted fur, maybe a stain or two, but there's a story there and that makes it important beyond belief.

#spotatalk #i'm just gonna drop this in the queue I guess?#but I'm writing this on the last day of june so....#whenever this rolls around will be a jumpscare abd a half I guess?#I think honestly I coukd do a full breakdown of the Crew and why they're all expressions of me but like #quick summary is #Reset: Wants approval from people but mostly clings to the past. is afraid of losing his brother and acts on it to bring him back. i #<- I lack that conviction to do whatever you have to to get your way. i worry my brother and I have a weird gap between us we wont repair #Orchid: Uhhh woman. lots of pressure that she had at one time that's now no being pressed but she still tries to live up to it also.#<- I don't like the pressure of being a woman. also gifted-kid who cannot move past the pressures imposed to be 'perfect' and it's screwed #Stereo: Pulled into a situation he doesn't want to be in initially. it's bad for him but he likes the people so he decides to stay #<- I see the good in people. even when they hurt others around me. I was a bystander often and should've left the situations. paralelling.#Monochrome: Afraid. No purpose or preperation in life. soneone offers to guide him and he takes that offer because it's better than home.#<- Kinda self-explanitory but I've got little direction and feel lost a lot of the time. If I'm given a path I usually walk it no hesitation #and... for fun let's do some others!#Haphazard: Cleaning up after others since childhood. he's never really gotten a break and sees any sort of mess as an enemy #-> He's fixing rifts in universes I gotta patch relationships. there's so much conflict and I'm always so overwhelmed by it #Lost: He's got amnesia. no clue where he is. where he's from. who you are. who he is. he'll know when he gets there. he's sure.#-> I've been hsving minor issues with my memory for years. i coukd be forgetful but sometimes it just escapes me and that's spooky #Teddy: Isolated in her universe for years. she self-mutilated until she liked herself. when she finally met people she compulsively lied #-> Much more extreme version of how isolated I sonetines feel. hobbies can't replace human interaction but it's hard #oh and Ichor: God who loves mortals but cannot seem to find ones who will prove hin right for his trust and care #<- I've got a big heart. i express it often but the sentinent is scoffed off a lot. I get beat down about it and just keep moving forward #Pretender: Knows who he is. however the world doesn't like it much so he acts how they expect him to or isolates away #<- I still present femme when I'm nb/agender. i bend and break to people's perception of me. if I can't solve something I run.#okay I feel more insane than when ai started but these stupid skeletons have helped me through so many mental health problems it's only a #little bit funny 🙏

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chirpchirplol · 2 days ago

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hi! anonymous asker here, I made an account to post about why I initially thought I was Lion. This is going to start off like me trying to argue it's wrong but that's not what it is. It's also long af, sorry for that, I wrote it out for myself to process it then went back and realized there was a literal question it was in response to. longafness after link, tl;dr: I value and rely on my gut feelings heavily, can't make myself ignore them, but I want them to be predictable and it's uncomfortable when they get out of line

So I felt confident about Lion, and with Badger or Snake, it was "I wouldn't like it but I could see it." Like with Snake, I love me some hedonism and struggle with selfishness - had assumed both those characters were huge Snakes lol - but find it as a whole to be a very "fuck you, I got mine" mentality. Sucks for those strangers in need with no one to come through for them! Like I have STRONG feelings about this, I don't understand how people don't find it horrifying. I actually have a weird opposite thing where I can get FURIOUS on behalf of strangers being mistreated, even hypothetical or fictional ones, in a way I don't for people I know well or even myself. Which is why I thought Badger was possible and maybe I just was resistant due to being burned or because I thought it was boring, but the unpersoning group thing creeps me out. "All people matter… except the ones that don't." It's so close to being really beautiful!

With Bird it was more, "who even does this?" Like with the Bird answer on the "lack of objective truth" question, "it's OK, I thought about it and reality is close enough to the model in my head", that is literally incomprehensible to me as a way a person would think. (My answer was "actually there is objective truth." That was my answer before I even got through the question.)

The main reason why I thought Bird was impossible is the "choosing to care about something" part. I can't do that. Caring about things is not something I can turn on or off at will, even if I want to. At least not important things as opposed to say hobbies, but even then I can't just go "ok self, you're gonna like football now because I said so" and then actually do. It's an organic process, I can kick it off but ultimately I either care or don't care, and if I don't then the farthest I'm gonna get is pretending, or lying to myself while knowing it's a lie. Definitely can't talk myself into caring about a job, god knows I've tried lol. My likes and dislikes are so fundamental to who I am as a person, so sacred even, that the idea that they are deliberately malleable for other people is just, whaaaaa?

Where this really kicks in is friends and relationships, I cannot deliberately make myself like someone I dislike or dislike someone I like, people generally don't grow more attractive to me over time. and it'd make me sad, like relationship-foundation-shakingly sad, if I found out my friends/partner felt that way with me. like they had to try to like me rather than just like me.

I'm not really a logical person either. I start with the conclusion, which is generally based on feelings, and then hope I can justify it in case I ever have to talk about it. (because arguing is stressful enough when I do have a defensible stance let alone when I can't explain it) I have this irrational but unshakeable assumption that my feelings and thoughts should just agree completely. When they don't, that feels bad, but my gut has veto power. To fully talk myself into or out of opinions I have to actually feel good about them, they have to not feel viscerally wrong, or else things get into an uncomfortable self-judging place where I know I should believe something but don't actually, truly, deep down, believe it. Or where none of the stances feel right, that's even more "fun".

A good example of that is actually the "past self is a different person" thing. My past self is still me, the things I did or thought in the past do not disappear just because I've changed nor do their permanent effects on me. I absolutely feel guilty about things I used to believe, and sure some of that is just the cringe of people knowing about it, but even if no one else knew I'd know and that's enough. And yet… I also theoretically believe in rehabilitation and think it's wrong not to, but apparently I actually don't, because that sure isn't something a person who believes in rehabilitation would say! I'm being flippant but this legitimately bothers me, especially because the idea of not believing in rehabilitation feels even more bad.

What convinced me ultimately: I'm not a Trump supporter, obviously. I would like to think it is absolutely impossible for me to become a Trump supporter. But that's what they all say, people become the things they would never EVER become all the time. Which led me to this question: Would it be worse to deliberately choose to do something wrong, or to slowly stop believing it's wrong without realizing? Or does that distinction even matter? Feel free to substitute something less extreme, like working for an evil company, bullying, cheating, selling out, betraying a friend, whatever line you would never cross.

And my answer is actually that the latter is wayyy more disturbing. I'm really big on owning and naming your beliefs and desires. It's a great way to get your conscience to kick in, to actually say it out loud then see how good or bad that felt. Same principle as how, if someone makes a racist joke, you act confused and ask them to explain it to you.

So the former would be gross, like fuck any person who would do it; but at least I could be conscious of the fact that I am choosing to do an evil thing for the sake of, I don't know, stonks. I would be engaged in the process, my conscience would be involved despite being ignored, and I would hope I would feel disgusted with myself forever. (Even considering the possibility is kind of disgusting.) But slowly having your beliefs erode over time into something bad… how do you stop that? How do you do ANYTHING about that? Shit what if it's happening right now? Even if the shift was in the opposite direction and I slowly became a better person without trying… I guess that's good? Can't argue with it being a net positive? But it feels unearned and unreliable, if you can sleepwalk forward you can sleepwalk back.

So that's conscious vs. unconscious I guess. Also I wrote and revised a ton of words to answer the question so there's that too.

bird primary + burnt snake secondary

tl;dr: Fairly sure I'm Lion primary (maybe burned Badger since I sort of envy the idea of close communities, or hedonistic Snake, not sure where that line is)

(the way that divide works out is that basically, Burnt Badgers look like Snakes. They have the Snake's small community, but wish they could cast their net wider. Hedonistic Snakes tend to be more solo, and much more focused on /stuff/. Also, both options make pretty good short-term coping mechanisms.)

but unsure whether my secondary is Bird, Snake/burned Snake, or burned Lion.

I love researching and reverse-engineering and my immediate response to situations is to Google advice, but reactively, not proactively. I am allergic to planning, and prepwork feels stifling and unnatural.

Ooooh, have we got a single-player Environment Snake? (I also think of these as MacGyver Snakes.) Basically just pulling at the things around you in order to solve the problem at hand.

I studied math in college then did a coding bootcamp, and I always felt adrift because both only taught memorizing solutions to individual problems/proofs, not how to solve unfamiliar ones -- i.e., really learning.

However, I neither consider myself flexible nor want to be, and singleplayer Snake is wayyyyyyyyyyyy more comfortable than stuff involving other people. (Complicating factor: not neurotypical.)

I think I can say, pretty confidently, that this system works just fine if you're not neurotypical. :) There's no reason you have to use the multi-player version if you don't want. The most dramatic single/multi player divide is probably Bookkeeper Badger vs Courtier Badger, and there are lots of people who prefer being just one or the other.

I do the "faces" thing reflexively, in the moment, but it doesn't feel like "shifting" or "becoming" anything: just me, lying.

That's Snake. "Becoming" is more of a word that a Courtier Badger would use, they kinda do have to believe it, or it doesn't work. Snake secondaries are a lot more aware of what they're doing, in the moment.

It's interesting that you are just straight-up using the word lie though. In my experience, Snakes are more likely to conceptualize that particular problem-solving strategy as "say it in a way they'll listen to," or something like that. You might just be super direct (and/or like hanging out in Neutral) buuuut... the negativity of "lie" can sometimes point to a Burnt secondary. No sign of that yet, but I'll keep an eye out for it.

I don't have a moral problem with lying; it's often even right since a) telling the truth often hurts people, and b) people do prefer it: most people want to hear what they want to hear, and if that happens to be the truth that's great.

Hmmm. This is sounding like primary stuff. And it's quite reasoned out, which makes me interested in hearing why you went for Lion primary instead of Bird.

But deep down, I guess I resent it. I wish that when I say what I mean it would convince people rather than create problems. I try to ration that to only things that REALLY matter to me, but tbh many things do. I hate arguing.

What I'm hearing here is the Bird primary fantasy of "If I was only able to explain it exactly right, in precisely the right words, then everyone would agree with me." And as you say earlier, it doesn't actually work like that. It sounds like you're feeling a bit cynical in regards to other people a the moment, and I can't exactly blame you.

I would love to be an inspirational secondary but I am bad at inspiring people.

There is definitely some burnt secondary talk going on here.

Family: I'm not close to my father -- he’s a terrible person, serial cheater, racist, etc. I'm closer to my mother, and don't think she's a bad person, but both parents were hypercritical and have horrible tempers, so my childhood felt horrible to live through since I was always getting yelled at or having corporal punishment used for doing something wrong.

Definitely seeing where the burned secondary energy is coming from, if so many of your formative experiences involved being told that the way you were doing things was wrong. I also see why you might have at least a fascination with the confident, firey, speak-your-truth-and-damn-the-consequences Lion secondary.

(On paper this could be called abusive, and anyone else being subjected to this makes me furious, but I'm not fully comfortable with the label for my situation, even though I know that's inconsistent.)

I understand, and I appreciate that. I also appreciate your carefully articulated position, and it's slanting me in the direction of Bird primary. Even though this is obviously a topic you are very emotional about, all those emotions are arranged within the framework of thought. You're aware of and okay the fact that you feel all kinds of different ways about what happened.

Any secondary model came from my mom, but I don't know about primary. She always says my sister and I are "the most important things in her life." (One of the reasons I don’t want kids is that I don’t think I could ever believe or promise them that.) She ostensibly also hates my father and their divorce was vicious, but she kept working for him until he retired, goes on trips with him to see my sister or me, and pressured me for years to un-estrange him because “after all, he’s family” until I gave in and now pretend to have a relationship just enough to placate them. I don't have any ethical problems doing this, it's just irritating.

That is very, very unusual family dynamic. Have to get my head around that. Your mom may have some very intense Badger going on, especially with the the whole "after all, he's family" thing. That could fit go with a nasty divorce, especially if she thought his presence was a threat to you and your sister. On the other hand, she might just be able to compartmentalize to an insane degree, which would probably point to Bird secondary.

I don't understand this aspect of my mom; I observe it happening, but I don't understand it. It feels kind of sad, in an existential way.

Honestly, I agree.

(Another way my dad sucks is that he played favorites with my sister and I, me being the favorite.

Being the Golden Child sucks just as much as being the Problem Child.

The shitty resulting dynamic is I only "care about" his approval to avoid him creating drama that ripples to everyone around him -- he's gotten better but he has literally started shit when I didn't end emails with "love" -- but my sister actually cares about his approval, and it hurts her.)

Secondary-wise, my mom would always harp on me to "pay attention to the people and things around you," and whenever I tell her about solving problems in Snakeish ways she's like "way to go, [me]!" But she also is meticulously planned and scheduled and organized, and hates surprises and not knowing exactly what will happen. She's the kind of person who gets frustrated in April when I haven’t told her my Thanksgiving itinerary, which, like... I don't want to think that far ahead.

She could be either Prep-work secondary, Bird or Badger. If she's a Bird, "pay attention to the people and things around you," points to a a Rapid-Fire Bird (which can look *very* Snakey.) Or it could be a way of describing Courtier Badger. Being that scheduled is more often a Bird thing... but I could also imagine a Badger manifesting like that, especially if she is so concerned with specifically planning holidays.

Low-stakes/high-stakes problem that felt good: This is a high-stakes problem containing a low-stakes problem. I'm rolling them together because they illustrate both aspects of my problem solving.

Higher stakes: That coding bootcamp required being on Zoom 8 hours every day. But I had 3 roommates (part of why I did it was to not have 3 roommates), and they didn't want me there that much. I can't go to coffee shops because either they're loud, or I will make them loud by talking for 8 hours, thus becoming the problem. Coworking spaces are expensive af. I even consider renting a storage unit but I don't think they have power and wifi. The idea I settle on is sneaking onto a nearby college campus: preferably the CS building, to blend in. I scour the college subreddit for posts about what buildings let students in without ID, then scout them out (this is March, the thing doesn't start until May, I'm just high on must-solve-now energy). After ~15 minutes (lol) of walking through campus I decide I've had enough, seems doable. The day of, I leave early in case I have to give up and go home, but that turned out to be completely pointless because tailgating in is shockingly easy. Like it's scary how easy it is. One day a security officer stopped me but even he eventually let me in after I acted increasingly frazzled and panicked -- not ENTIRELY an act but I definitely was playing it up.

I like this story. And I feel good about saying that it is QUITE snakey: what do I have immediately around me, and how can I use it to get what I want in this moment? Even little details like - you're not bothering to come up with a cover story or borrow/forge someone's ID. If you're caught you'll talk your way out of it. You did a little research, then scoped the place out, then were good to go.

Lower stakes: I usually did classes from an empty auditorium (students weren't supposed to be there but no one checked, and also I'm not a student right?). The whiteboard's eraser stand was a few inches away from the wall, and one day I drop my phone in the gap. Shit. The gap's way too high to reach down. I can't ask anyone for help because I'm already 2 layers deep of being somewhere I'm not supposed to be. The stand screws to the wall, but I don't have a screwdriver because who just carries a screwdriver around? (For whatever reason, going to a hardware store didn't occur to me.) I stare at the thing until I realize: I am literally in the ENGINEERING building. I search various offices, ask people for a screwdriver, but no luck. Then I see a board listing the departments. One floor has a "makerspace," and somehow, its door is wide open (the student lounge is locked down but the room with deadly power tools isn't, ???) I grab 5 sizes of screwdriver, then also grab duct tape and a ruler to fish my phone out in case the screwdrivers don't work, which turned out to be a good idea because they didn't

Sounds to me to me like you just MacGyvered a solution :D

One thing I am picking up on is your subtle critique of the existing rules/systems. Getting in via tailgateing is easier than it should be, talking your way past the guard was too easy. The door with the powertools really should be locked, etc. It's making me (again) think Bird primary for you. You've very tuned into the way things run, and how well designed (or not) that is. There's also just a little bit of Birdy rules-lawyer in "Students aren't allowed in this room, but I'm not a student (because I snuck in.)"

Hard decision-making process…. I don’t know. I don’t experience many decisions as hard. I often know what I want to do right away; the difficult part is doing it.

In the language of this system, that's a Burnt secondary.

Or I know what I should do, am obligated to do, have no choice but to do, etc., though sometimes it feels miserable or wrong, like resignation.

Unfortunately that is what it feels like to have a Burnt primary - you just use whatever problem-solving strategy you can at random, since they all feel like a chore and it doesn't really matter.

I can feel proud of making certain "right" choices in an abstract self-congratulatory way, but I never like it or really feel good about it. I either act on something immediately or put it off until the decision makes itself, a drop-dead deadline approaches, I get bored/impulsive enough to do it on the spot, or I suddenly swerve my life toward something I like better.

You're definitely an Improvisational secondary. Which is really fine, even though I know it doesn't feel that way all the time when you come from a family of intense Prep-work people. Just keep an eye on that 'wait until the deadline' impulse. It's very, very common for neurodivergent people to use that last-minute stress adrenaline to kind of hack their brain, and it's not sustainable.

I'd wanted to change careers for years but the actual decision to do the bootcamp was an impulse based on ~3 hours' research the day I encountered it.

That can absolutely work though. You *are* working on the problem and mulling it over in your head long term, even if you are (in the words of another snake secondary) "waiting for the opportune moment."

This is all healthy and well-adjusted, and it definitely has never caused any predictable problems! (Did get a job though.)

Hey, if it's stupid and it works, it's not stupid.

My fantasy: To be successful and well-known in my field; to create the kind of art I want to create and have it be respected/influential. To live the life I want, with the aesthetic I want, and the opportunities from others and follow-through from me to achieve that. The details vary based on the field but that's the general template.

I'd say that's a very human fantasy, without too many details that slant me one way or the other, in terms of this system. There's definitely a focus on the community around you and how you relate to it/integrate into it. And that makes me think Bird (the external primary) is more likely than Lion (the internal primary.)

Characters: I relate to characters who are flawed in the same ways I am -- they feel like cautionary tales -- or sometimes via empathizing in a way the story doesn’t (Carlotta from Phantom got done DIRTY).

It's interesting that you respond to characters who the narrative framing doesn't support, because the narrative framing doesn't support them. I guess that does fit with your interest in constructed systems, and if they're useful/functional or not. Which points to Bird.

On that big pop culture character test I always get Hannah from Girls and Gaius Baltar from Battlestar Galactica: harsh, but not wrong.

(I always get Inara from Firefly and Céline from Before Sunrise.)

It's been a second since I've seen Girls or Battlestar Galactica, but I do think that both of those characters are Bird Snakes, which is honestly impressive since Bird Snakes are easily the least common fictional archetype.

Baltar is clever, adaptive, reactive, he pulls from around him. He also bluffs and will *act* like he's an expert when he really isn't. A lot of his internal conflict revolves around extremely Bird primary rationalization - is this situation really his fault? and if it is, what is he morally/rationally supposed to do about it (if anything?) "Voice of *a* generation" Hannah also has this way of getting caught in her own feedback loops when trying to figure herself out. One of my favorite moments is the bit where she loses her purse on the way back from the wedding, and then rides the train all the way to Coney Island, sits on the beach and eats the slice of wedding cake while watching the sun rise. I think that's beautiful, and a very Snake secondary response.

I also gravitate toward a specific archetype: Blanche from A Streetcar Named Desire, Madame Bovary, Violetta from La Traviata. People who desire an impossible thing deeply and unshakably, temporarily achieve it, and are taken down dramatically.

Now that, I'm thinking is a story structure that you like. And/or you're drawn to these tragic great ladies, living most of the way in a fantasy world. It's a good, cathartic archetype.

What makes me feel powerful: I don’t really resonate with that framing. The closest is that feeling like I have no options is the same for me as feeling powerless.

Okay, "not feeling powerless," I'll take it. And we're back to that Burnt secondary again. I'm hoping you'll leave your Snake a little more room to breathe and play, because it seems like you're a pretty capable person. You manage to do the things you want to get done, and you have an excellent awareness of what are good and bad situations, both for you and just in general.

Thank you to anonymous for such an excellent submission. If you'd like a Sorting of your very own, commissions are open on my ko-fi. :D

If you'd like to read more about the system I'm using, my explanation is right here.

#shc

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