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ceasarslegion · 5 months ago

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Ok you can't just tease gory roommate stories and then not share them! Pleeease tell us more!

I didn't answer this at first because I had to go back to dig up the photos to prove I am not fucking with you when I say how disgusting that place was

So how we ended up living together was that I had just graduated uni, toronto is too expensive so I couldn't stay there as much as I wanted to, and a federal government career opportunity in PEI fell through on the basis that I "didn't look enough like a minority" (which is a lot to unpack but let's just move on, if anyone wants that story send another ask my way lmao). So all this in mind, I had to grab all my stuff and fuck off back to edmonton and take a paying-the-bills job for a while.

I also needed a place to live, so I called up a few of my friends in edmonton and asked if any of them needed a roommate because I was making minimum wage in a mall skincare store, I couldn't afford to live alone. This person responded and told me they needed a roommate to get out of the sketchy part of the city. Win-win.

Honestly, would've been better taking my chances on craigslist. This person single-handedly ruined the concept of roommates for me for the rest of my goddamn life.

When I say disgusting, I mean vile. I mean that the entire time I was there I had the one laundry card from our unit and she never once asked for it. I don't know where or when or how she was doing her laundry, but most of her clothes were strewn about randomly. She had 2 cats, and cleaned their litter boxes maybe once a month, never brushed them. Cat hair everywhere, the whole place reeked of cat piss, dirty litter got tracked across the whole house, and one time one of them barfed on the carpet and she didn't even touch it for weeks. I left it there as a test to see if she would actually clean up after her own animals if I didn't get fed up and do it for her, like I ALWAYS did with everything else.

Dirty dishes were left to rot, her definition of "cleaning" them was soaking them in their own filth overnight and then putting them back in the cupboard, no brush or sponge. Half the time the dishes were fucking coated in grease and mold that was just rinsed off. And every time that happened was when I didn't do them. She ended up getting a tabletop dishwasher at one point and was so fucking lazy that she couldn't even be assed to throw a dishwasher tab in there and hit the on button when it got full, just kept piling dishes up in the sink.

The floors were COVERED in untouched impulse bought shopping bags that she would set down and never pick up again. The fridge and cupboards were chock all of all her impulse bought food to the point where I had no space for my own. She just kept buying more and more of the same shit she already had and then getting pissed at ME when I told her to reorganize the fucking fridge so that I can EAT. Honestly this was where I started getting petty and just eating her food, because it would go fucking moldy and sit there and she wouldn't do shit about it if I didn't.

I was the only one who ever took out the garbage. I was the only one who cleaned the bathroom. Wait sorry, she did it ONCE, so I'm a hypocrite /s. The previous sentence was her logic and tactics for arguing whenever I asked them to clean up after themself. Multiple times I had to deal with their used pads because they couldn't be fucking assed to take out the bathroom trash.

And hey, when I said I was fine with her boyfriend coming over sometimes, I didn't say he could basically just move in, throw all HIS trash everywhere, and never move out. I don't think that motherfucker (who was more disgusting than her) ever slept at his own goddamn house for 6 straight months.

She smoked so much weed that I think she might be the first person to have a legitimate weed addiction, often INSIDE so we would get smoking complaints. She would howl like a BANSHEE into the early hours of the morning on ps online with her brother in a building with thin walls. She would hoard all the dishes in her room to rot to the point where half the time I didn't have bowls to eat out of, because they were molding in her room.

One time, she made soup. And then didn't clean the pot for multiple MONTHS. And when I told her to clean her disgusting pot her reaction was to put it on the floor. Do you think I'm a fucking dinosaur whose visual competence is based on movement? Do you think im fucking stupid?

This all came to a head on provincial election night of 2023. I was a campaign staffer for the NDP so obviously e-day was hectic for me. I left my apartment at 6am and didn't get back until past midnight scrambling to get last minute canvassing done and poll inspections and go to the results party. She knew this, it was her day off, she promised me she would clean up her mess

When I get home, what do I find?

Not only is the mess not touched, it is worse. "Dirty underwear in the hallway" worse. She spent all fucking day playing video games and smoking weed. And now I would have to clean it all up because she won't, she never did, not one time did she ever actually make good on her promises to clean up after herself, I did it EVERY. TIME.

Oh wait no, sometimes she would move bags into a corner, so I'm a hypocrite and I'm asking too much of a grown-ass adult who is OLDER than me and she has to walk on eggshells around me. I'm so cruel and terrible and a bad person whose hygiene expectations of not breathing in cat piss are impossible. Don't I know she has depression and works 6 days a week? I'm a bad terrible ableist piece of shit and if I don't like it I can just leave. Which is what she acted like when I got so pissed at that that I confronted her about it and told her to get her fucking act together and grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for the fucking pigstye she was making other people live in. And then the next morning I found a lovely note on the fridge calendar that said "[boyfriend] moves in soon <3" so she was just kicking me out. Because I told her to pick up her dirty fucking underwear. She also had the AUDACITY to tell me that I was being unreasonable and had impossible standards of hygiene and that "it literally doesn't affect you"

So I went "lmao bet" and then told my landlord I was taking that offer of his to break the lease. What she didn't know was that I was telling him all this shit just in case I would have to bail early and cover my ass with the rental board. And he agreed that she was so unreasonable that he drafted me up a written agreement that this was a special case and he would not charge me fines or slap a broken lease on my record on the grounds that my roommate made my situation unlivable and a hazard to my health and safety. I contacted my grandma to move into her basement for a while and a week later I fucked off, leaving her with the entire rent and all the utility bills. I think it's less than she deserved honestly, I want my fucking security deposit back. Although I was very petty and did a shit job of patching up and repainting the mounted tv holes in my bedroom wall so they could deal with that.

Here's the photos of what I lived in for 9 months:

Are you taking the fucking piss

Now I live alone and I'm never doing roommates again. The only people I am living with are either my life partner or I'm moving back in with family if I can't afford it. I'll pump gas in the ass end of nowhere Saskatchewan in my Nan and grandads trailer before I live in this again

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cherry-queens-blog · 10 months ago

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A story I wrote since I've been really depressed lately and haven't been okay at all for awhile so I put it into this story. It is short yes but i did put my own feelings and situation into this.

Dealing with depression, stress, self hatred. Gyutaro who had taken such a liking to you comforts you when he hears you crying in the bathroom.

COMFORT FOR THE PAIN

It had been an entire year now since you allowed Gyutaro to stay with you in your home, growing used to him dragging people in to feast on them, hearing them scream as he cut them open with his sickle, pulling out their insides, ripping off their limbs from their bodies and devouring them from inside your basement. It took a good while to get used to it despite it still making your blood run cold through your entire body, knowing that, that could be you one day if he decides to turn on you besides the fact that you two get along quite well and him offering you protection for letting him use your home to hide from the sunlight. Gyutaro is usually always gone during the night so you had some peace before he brought home another victim of his for dinner. Lately these last 6 months had been really hard on you after you had lost your job, applying everywhere that was hiring only to keep getting constantly denied, which sent you into a dark spot. Now drowning in depression and stress and having no one to help you through this time or no one to even talk to since you had no friends at all, and family can't help you either and also doesn't speak to you unless they want something from you which made it worse. You felt so damn alone and so low while struggling to do everything you can just to pay off bills, get food to eat, even going to the extent to sell yourself out to men just to get the money to survive. One night the burden was to much, the hurt really setting in as it was almost time for Gyutaro to come back from his hunt. You went into the bathroom to hide yourself so you could cry it out without him seeing. You really didn't want him seeing you in such a vulnerable, crying state at all since he is a demon and you know he is gonna say a bunch of hurtful stuff right? like how your being pathetic, weak, so on. As you enter inside the bathroom you couldn't help it, you broke down instantly after shutting the door and curling up in front of the bathtub, laying your head into your knees as your tears fell from your eyes. Unfortunately when he got back, walking past the bathroom he could hear your faint sobbing from inside and out of curiosity he opened the door, seeing you sitting in front of the tub. A faint sigh is heard from him as he walks over, sitting down beside you, putting his arm around you, pulling you into a tight embrace.

He hugs you tightly as you break down, tears running down your cheeks, whimpers leaving your lips, sniffles from your nose. He doesn't know what's going on or what it is about you but seeing you like this made him feel more protective of you, he actually wanted to care for you. The sense of absolute hurt and overbearing pain was so apparent and radiating from your body that even gyutaro could feel it. The way you cried so hard you could barely breath, choking on the air you could get into your lungs only for it to feel so difficult to exhale sometimes. Gyutaro ends up pulling you onto his lap and started to pet your head, stroking your hair so gently while looking at you. He could tell you were really hurting by the way you were crying and how heavy your breathing was. He looked at you with pure love in his eyes when he speaks up. "Aww what's wrong my little blossom?, you know whatever is bothering you, you can tell me." He says softly with his croaky, rough voice. "Everything is just so hard, I'm wearing myself out trying so hard gyutaro, I have no one in my life that can help or even wants to speak with me, i can't even get another job and I just hate myself so fucking much right now, and I just don't understand why you bother with me when I'm just nothing but pathetic, useless, and just not enough for anyone else, I also don't belong anywhere either. You should've just killed me when we met" You cried, whimpering, voice cracking as you spoke. Gyutaro couldn't believe what you just said as his facial expression is now one of complete shocked. Did you really just say he should've killed you? He thought to himself, shaking his head before holding you a little tighter now against his rough body.

"Look at me" He said sternly, putting his fingers under your chin and making you look at him, your lips in a frown as your bottom lip quivered a bit from the crying. "stop saying such pathetic things like that, I won't tolerate it understand" He spoke with a serious voice now. You felt speechless, all you could do was just look at him after hearing him say that. Gyutaro sighed and started caressing your cheek with his thumb, rubbing it in circles on your damp skin. "I'm not sure how many times i must repeat myself but i am here for you, alright?" He says as he looks at you in the eyes meaning every word he said to you but it still felt a little hard to believe him but you will trust it you suppose as you put your arms around his neck, burying your face into the side of his neck, wetting his skin with your tears as they dropped onto him like warm rain that was plastered in agony. Gyutaro could feel your tears crash against his skin wetting it as he held you close, petting your head again with his hand, putting his other arm over your waist and rubbing your back trying to ease the hurt and discomfort your feeling that is drowning you so deeply right now. After awhile your crying starts to die down, exhaustion taking hold of you as all the crying had worn you out completely and you end up falling asleep peacefully in Gyutaros arms. Gyutaro gets up still holding you in his arms as he exits the bathroom, walking to the bedroom. He enters the room and lays you down in bed, covering you with a blanket. Gyutaro watches you for a good moment when he gets an idea, a good one too that could help you out drastically. The sun starts to rise in the dark sky giving the que that Gyutaro had to leave alone in the room while you slept. He rushes out and heads down into the dark basement letting you rest and relax after what just happened. He really does love you and he will help you in anyway he can.

#demon slayer #fan fiction #fanfic #gyutaro x reader #gyutaro #gyutaro shabana #gyutaro demon slayer #anime #story #gyutaro story #gyutaro fanfict #demon slayer gyutaro #comfort

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limeade-l3sbian · 2 years ago

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How do you cope with recovering from depression? It’s an odd question, no doubt, “why would I need to recover from getting better?”…

I’ve noticed when I’m not struggling with depression, the rare months or sometimes even a thankful year, I tend to have much higher suicidal tendencies. It’s like my energy and ability to look at life more rationally makes me less inclined to live. It’s probably a dumb thing to say, but when I’m going through depression, i’m too numb to make a plan for killing myself, but when I’m out of that suddenly I have all energy back and it seems possible, perhaps even easy.

I’m obviously trying to get out of this and I wonder if I’m alone in this experience. If this is something you or your followers deal with, what do you do in this situation?

Simply overcoming depression does at least not for me make me any more enthusiastic about life or the future. I want to reach a place where when the period of apathy passes i instead get lots of love for life.

You feel that way likely because the truth is there isn't any good reason to live. Greed and violence consume society. Women remain oppressed. Racism is still rampant. Death comes too quickly for those who cherish it and too slowly for those burdened by it. We could spend all night talking about how terrible the world is and I would agree with you because implying that the world is an inherently good place is bullshit.

However, implying that it is inherently a bad place is bullshit too.

I fully understand what you mean when you say it's almost worse when you're better because you can't even blame how you're feeling on the depression. I'm thinking clearly and I still want to die. Maybe this is just the truth. That's something I deal with every single day, anon. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about dying. I've told many professionals the exact same thing you're telling me and they all gave me half baked responses that I'd heard a million times and didn't want to hear one more time. The world is a very annoying and shitty place to me and, apparently, to you.

My greatest solace is two things. One: I know as little about what my future looks like as I do what comes after you die. But one suggests hope while the other ends my entire story. Regardless of what comes after death, you don't get a say in what happens now. Yeah, you could kill yourself tonight and you'd say "I don't care about what happens after I die" but of course you do. You're human. That's why your heart rate picks up when you REALLY think about killing yourself. It's not excitement. It's raw fear and your body goes into fight or flight against itself. What a terrible state to be in. What a terrible last feeling. You die, afraid.

But moving forward, despite all the bullshit is also scary too! Fuck. Paying taxes and bills? Finding love? What if I fuck it all up? Fuck, what if something terrible happens to me like I get assaulted or I get in a car accident at some point? Why would I stick around to let all this happen? From the ages of 10-12 I had a hard time sleeping because I was CERTAIN my family's home would be burglarized and I would be kidnapped, raped, and killed horrifically. That's a whole thing but just know that I thought that was a very real and very inevitable thing. And none of those things has ever happened to me, thankfully. Ever, anon. We never even got solicitors at our door, let alone a criminal through the window.

And you know what that was? Me not knowing jackshit about the future but predicating my disposition of life on my greatest fears. I thought I was gonna kill myself at 16 and then I didn't. I thought I was gonna kill myself at 18 and I didn't. You don't know shit, I don't know shit. None of us know SHIT. The future has far more to offer you than death, anon. In death, you die swallowed by your darkness. You push on, and you give yourself a chance.

Plus you're gonna die anyway. It's not like if you don't kill yourself now you'll live forever. If that was true, I would literally tell you to kill yourself because gross, no one (sane) wants to live forever.

Second thing! You're gonna die anyway (kinda spoiled that at the last bit but whatever). I truly take solace in the fact that I'm gonna die anyway. You might die tomorrow! You don't know! You could kill yourself (however you might plan that) and go through inevitable pain and fear. Or, you ride it out and get hit so fast and so hard by a bus next week that you never even register pain or fear. And you could argue that the more inhibited you live life (travel, try new things, meet new people, etc.) betters your chances of dying since staying inside only promises another day. So you might as well live freely and give the universe all the opportunities it has to kill you.

That's how I get on, anon, No bullshit.

There's no good reason to live because there is "no reason" to live. There's no reason to die either, so you might as well choose the one where you can eat honey buns and go on Tumblr and talk to awesome women like meeee. 💜💜💜

#ask

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starryvioletnight · 5 months ago

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Thoughts on being trans, being the eldest, and being raised by an alcoholic (not in that order)

My mom is going to the ER tonight.

My mom used to call me first in any situation.

And I hated it.

I hated listening to her drunken rambles on the phone, of how her life was going oh so terribly, and how I could never understand. I hated visiting her and my father, for the one or both of them to get drunk in front of me, in front of any visitors they had, causing scenes that made everyone uncomfortable. My brother and I would share a look and roll our eyes. We were used to this, after all.

She used to drink and yell at us. Pick fights we could never win, take away belongings just to prove she had power over us, usually when she was in the wrong. She used to blame me for not being able to pay her bills, when I was paying rent for the room I lived in after I turned 18. She still makes snide comments about his girlfriend to him, or how he's living his life or the choice in dog he decided to adopt. She doesn't say anything like this to me anymore since I decided to come out as trans.

Mainly because, I really don't talk to her anymore. That should be a win, shouldn't it?

Before I came out, she was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis. I remember that late November, taking her to the ER, joking with my brother about having a gender crisis (it really wasn't a joke, he didn't know that yet).

I remember her going, "Ugh, are you going to change your name too?" in that tone of voice that draws the image of smelling rotten cheese to my mind.

After I came out, she made a show of how good of an ally she was. She would do her best to get my name right and my pronouns right, though it never felt... good. It felt hollow. A gesture done to keep the peace between the three of us (my brother, her and myself). I'm told she still uses the correct name when talking about me to him.

We haven't talked in almost a month. It's been liberating. it seemed like my brother got the worst end of that deal, having to maintain contact with her only because she was his landlord.

Tonight, my brother calls me. He's supposed to be at work, and he tells me he's taking mom back to the hospital. She's winded all the time, her stomach is swelling again. She has a dry cough she can't shake.

We already knew she was drinking again. We'd already asked her to stop. She said taking a shot here and there, a wine cooler once in a while wouldn't kill her. We didn't believe her, but we couldn't stop her.

She never called to ask if I could do it. I should be relieved, but I'm not. I'm not getting dressed and rushing to the ER to see her, though a part of me believes I should be. I want nothing to do with her visit. I want my brother to update me any time he knows anything.

I should be there instead of him. I didn't even get a call.

I'm still the eldest sibling. I've got better defenses, I can handle the stress better, I can ask the doctors the right questions. He shouldn't be there, he shouldn't have to deal with any of that. I feel like a coward, hiding in my home while he faces whatever diagnosis she has alone.

I'm the trans son of a woman who told me my dad would disown me if I ever took "that gay shit" (being trans) too far. She would get drunk and tell me how much she wished I was straight. She's said so many, many hurtful things, been so selfish in so many ways, like never letting me have extra-curriculars after school. When my brother begged to be a part of marching band, she would pick him up from football games completely wasted. Her and my dad never attended a single one.

I should be relieved that I get to stay home and watch TV. So why am I sitting on my couch crying?

#vent post #trans thoughts #eldest sibling thoughts

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timeoverload · 6 months ago

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Today was a lot more stressful than I was anticipating. I felt like death when I woke up but I managed to get up anyway. I had 26 cases so that wasn't too bad but everything else was going wrong. One of the morning shift people called in again so there were only 3 of us until 11am. The morning team lead was in decontam for like 5 hours and he would not stop talking to me so my social battery is drained. I am glad we are getting along better but he is too much for me sometimes. It also sucked because we were really busy and there were a lot of priorities. The girl we just hired decided not to show up for new employee orientation so that was frustrating. That's the third person we have hired in the past 6 months that didn't work out. I can't remember the last time we were fully staffed. It's so annoying.

I had a panic attack again this afternoon. My grandma texted me to tell me she has a concussion because she fell due to high blood pressure. She can't handle the stress. She told me I need to deal with my mom because she can't do it anymore. She also told me my mom wants to come home and I need to help her. My mom texted me a while after that and started being so nasty to me. She was being so mean even though I tried to send nice messages. That made me cry so I had to leave the department for a little bit. She sort of calmed down after a while so we were able to have a discussion.

She was trying to tell me she wanted to move back and she said she would get a bus ticket when the time comes. She wants to stay with my grandma for a month. I told her she couldn't do that because grandma isn't doing well. She also doesn't have a spare room. My mom abused my grandma when she lived with her last time. My grandma lost her condo because of my mom's behavior while she lived there. It's just not a good idea. My mom said she would sleep on someone's couch but we are definitely not going to let her stay at the house with us. It's not safe. My dad and I are both afraid of her. I'm sure my brother and sister feel the same way. I am nervous about having to be around her by myself. I don't know if she is capable of doing much damage now due to her disabilities but I can't be sure. I haven't seen her in years so I don't know how much she has changed. She asked me why I was living at home and I told her about how I dumped my ex and needed a safe place to live. I also said that I can't live alone due to my health. She didn't respond after that but maybe she had an epiphany and realized that my dad isn't a bad guy like she thinks. I'm not really sure if that's true or if I offended her. I bet I will still get nasty messages later. I am planning on getting cameras in case she tries to come to the house and do weird stuff. She isn't allowed over here and she will get a ticket for trespassing.

I told her that I will try to pay for a hotel room for her for a month but I don't know how I am going to afford that. I am going to have to figure out my budget. I have a bill I really need to pay on Friday so I don't know how much I will have left over. She argued with me about not wanting to get a hotel room because it's expensive. I know it's expensive but there aren't any other options at the moment. It would be way better than staying at a shelter. She is so damn stubborn sometimes. She is going to be applying for disability again so I really hope she follows through with that this time.

She got a new phone so I can call her whenever I want so that's nice I guess. I am just surprised that we were able to text each other for several hours earlier and a lot of what she was saying made sense. I have learned that I need to try to change the subject when she starts going off on a rant. It seems like it sort of helps. She keeps sending me links to her youtube videos and I haven't watched them in a while because they make me uncomfortable. I think I might have to make myself do that sometime because I want to know what she has been doing.

She stresses me out so much but I love her anyway. She did tell me she loved me earlier so that made me happy. She is still capable of being nice sometimes. I really hope I can figure everything out by myself because I want her to be safe. I'm just happy she wants to come home because I didn't think that I was going to get another chance to see her. I also hope she doesn't run away again. I am going to do my best to stay positive and hope for the best.

I don't know what I am going to do but I can't think about it anymore right now because I am so tired. I will probably have to take intermittent FMLA after all. I won't get paid when I'm off so that is going to make this harder. I am going to talk to my boss about it tomorrow. There is a lot on my shoulders right now and I am overwhelmed.

I am also worried about Maxwell. You are too hard on yourself sometimes. I don't know why you think it would fix things if someone were to hit you in the head. I think you just need more love. There are so many people that love you and care about you. I think that you need to be reminded of that more often. You need more hugs. I think you need to go on a walk with me sometime. I am also wondering if you have ever talked to anyone about your depression. I think that might be good for you. I can tell you are depressed but I don't know what is going on in your mind. I'm not saying that you should take medication necessarily but maybe it would help. I know it has helped me a lot so maybe it could do the same for you. Obviously I'm not a doctor but I am concerned about you. I don't want you to be sad or upset about anything. I love you.

I just need to try to relax the rest of the night. My back hurts and I'm having cramps so it's hard to get up right now. I wish I had the motivation to do something. My main goal is to actually eat dinner. I have been avoiding hot food because it upsets my stomach. I am glad I had a boost before I went to work because I didn't have time to eat breakfast. I bought a muffin but I didn't want to stop to eat it. I was also upset that they didn't have blueberry muffins so I had to get a chocolate one. I usually like chocolate muffins but theirs aren't very good in my opinion. I am still going to eat it but I'm not in the mood. I made myself get a small salad at lunch and I was able to eat half of it so that was good because I haven't been eating enough vegetables. I wish I would have been able to finish it but I got too nauseous. I need to eat a lot of smaller meals during the day but that's impossible with my schedule. I will keep trying to eat more.

Anyway, I'm going to put my pajamas on and make some food soon. I need to go to bed earlier than I did last night. I was awake until almost 11. I guess I got more sleep than I did the night before so that helped. It still wasn't enough. I took a muscle relaxer a little while ago so that will help me fall asleep. I need the rest because tomorrow is Thursday. I really hate Thursdays. I might have to stay late because there might not be anyone available to finish up for me. I already know that the lady that works the night shift will be on vacation. I'm not going to worry about it anymore at the moment. I should probably stop rambling now and try to get out of bed. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day than today was.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too. 💖💖💖

#personal

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alizeh-tu-badi-mushkil-hai · 2 years ago

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Hi, beautiful people! Let's talk about something I've been feeling lately.

I haven't been feeling great for months, and this constant feeling of despair has almost destroyed many beautiful things within me and the people around me. I truly believe in the idea that hurt people hurt people.

There are days when I feel like I'm always a good friend to everyone during their difficult times. But when it comes to me, I always seem to be at the bottom of their priority list. This really made me question the love I had for them. I'm going through a phase where my life has been turned upside down. Just like everyone else, I also wanted someone to hug me and be there for me emotionally and physically. My needs felt like they were extraordinary, so I started pushing them aside and convinced myself that I'm okay with being alone again.

As a result, I've had significant fights with my friends and loved ones. That's what adulting does to you—the inconsistency of love and support from people can drive you crazy. It's been one of the major triggers in my life. Lately, this adulting has reduced me to tears on the floor. Growing up, paying bills, going to college, dealing with family, fitting into this messed-up generation of traumatized adults, and constantly contemplating career changes—it's not easy.

And yes, I did feel lonely. I felt like the ten-year-old me, crying in the school parking lot, wondering why I didn't have any friends. I felt inadequate once again, believing that my needs were too much. I also felt that love wasn't fixing me or making me a better person. It brought back so many flashbacks.

It's not that I don't have friends and people around me, but we're all caught up in our own adulting struggles, making it hard to find time for each other. And here I am, not knowing whom to blame—adulting, the people I love, or myself.

While experiencing all these emotions, I realized how empty I felt every single day, like an empty can in the dustbin. An empty vessel makes the loudest noise, yet people were fooled by my noise, thinking that I was the happiest and doing great in my life. But the truth is, I wasn't doing well emotionally and physically. With my deteriorating health, my body and mind felt like they were on battery saver mode.

I did everything I could to conceal my sadness and loneliness. I turned to drinking, painted my face, dressed up, and slept as much as I could, avoiding sitting with these unfamiliar emotions or crying myself to sleep.

It's strange that as a grown-ass adult, I can go on stage, pick up a microphone, and talk confidently, but I can't sit with my own feelings and be gentle with myself. These days, I couldn't even recognize what I was feeling, and speaking about it or sharing it with someone felt like an impossible task. Every day felt like a battlefield where I was constantly failing, and I labeled myself a fucking loser. The eternal shame of not doing well in my life pinches me so much that I still don't know how to overcome it. There were moments when I wanted to give up on my life because I wasn't excelling in my career, academics, poetry, open mic shows, or work. It brought me to an existential crisis on another level.

But something really helped me these days to cope up, and I really want to appreciate those beautiful people in my life. We don't know each other much; we are just online friends. But Shrawani used to always check on me every single day, even though she had no solutions for my problem. I have never met her, but the way she is sweet and gentle with her words makes me feel really good about myself.

My online friend has been there on nights where I felt like everything was falling apart and I was ready to give up. She believed in me when no one else did. That day, my college random DM made me feel that I have a purpose, and that purpose was to write more and more. It wasn't just an ordinary DM I received that day; it felt like a warm hug from someone who barely even knows me. She is just my college senior and nothing more, but I really appreciate her kind words.A few days back, I remember crying myself to sleep and feeling like I didn't want to wake up the next day and go for an exam. But one of my small business friend made a crochet item for me and sent it along with a heartfelt note. I didn't even remember ordering from her small business, but she also wrote the warmest note for me, emphasizing how my words have the power to move people and provide comfort.On the day I had a minor accident on the bus and experienced intense arm pain, one of my anonymous friend @mastmalangs-blog empathized with my situation and sent me virtual hugs.

It's always these random sweet gestures that fill my empty jar on my bad days. When I am in pain, I tend to push people away, but bestfriend was the one who held onto me. She didn't let me believe in the thought I always had, that "people always leave when you're hard to love during your bad days." She loved me during the most terrible days of my life, even though I spewed a lot of hate from my mouth like a venomous snake. She made me believe in the thought that "even though life gives me two choices, to either leave you or love you, I chose to love you." We both know that we don't love each other completely, and we don't hate each other completely. But at the end of the day, we both choose to love each other no matter what."

Yes, I don't know if I'm completely okay today, but I am slowly getting there. I'm learning to be gentle with myself, love myself more, and be kind to others even on my bad days. I've realized the importance of not harboring hate towards others and instead asking for help when needed. We never know when our needs will be fulfilled.

#blog #desi tumblr #desiblr #desiblogger #poetry #prose poetry #desi things #mental health ki vaat lagayi #mental health

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ugh154628 · 24 days ago

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You should call a therapist and deal with this stop posting about it stop paying them any sort of mind love yourself and call a therapist and if you really wanted to you could call a lawyer too. You’re being a pissy little bitch at the same time you could get this figured out if you really wanted to crying on Facebook isn’t gonna do shit Gro Up.

Ah yes because minimizing me and calling me a pissy little bitch in the face of the worst experience of my life is going make me listen to anything you have to say LOL. All of that sounds to me like victim blaming and enabling the abuser. You're essentially coming at me about my REACTIONS but disregarding the actual root of the problem, which is fucked. Just put up and shut up is essentially what you said there, and I'm not about it.

And you know, I intend to get therapy. Once I make this stop. It has been traumatizing and I will need to learn to cope with the after math. However, there is no after math. This still ongoing. And that's the thing, therapy is for post trauma. This is not "post" trauma. This is trauma by abuse that has yet to stop. There is no point in going to therapy to learn to cope with abuse that is still current. You make the abuse stop and then you go to therapy to heal. Therapists aren't going to tell you to enable the abuse and teach you how to be a stair case. They expect you to get away from it and then start your healing journey.

The point is that me going to therapy right now would be counterproductive. And even if I wanted to go to therapy, I can't afford it. I don't have health insurance and even when I DID, my therapy appointments in the past were $200 a week AFTER insurance benefits taken out. I'm not made of money like that. I can't even afford the health insurance ITSELF.

And, get a lawyer if I really wanted to? Let me know if you find one around here that will actually take on cyber harassment cases because I have yet to and the closest ones I could find that specialize in cases like this live 200+ miles away from me. The ones around here are cyber stalking DEFENSE lawyers, meaning that they defend the stalkers and not the victims. Also, do you know how much lawyers costs, too? especially for complex cyber/stalking cases like this that will likely drag on in civil suit? I make less than 3k a month. We are talking a whole months worth of my pay and probably more to even hire the fucking lawyer and my bills eat half my income already. I would have to be approved for a loan, which I doubt I would be considering my debt to income ratio right now. But even then, there isn't even a lawyer for me TO hire.

Do your research before coming at me sideways with such a lack of empathy. It's obvious you haven't even attempted to scratch the surface or come close to puttong yourself in my shoes. And judging by your "advice" I doubt you experienced something like this before to actually understand the depth of this, let alone have a right to speak on it. Look up anything about stalking awareness sites, facts, real cases, enter some forums and read others stories, etc. and tell me that again. I'm not alone in the law failing me, having a poor financial situation, and having no other option for defense other than to use my voice. I would bet 90 percent of unsolved stalking cases are a result of all three of those things. 3 things many stalking victims have in common and express are "the police won't help", "I can't find a lawyer" or "I can't afford a lawyer". And also, "everyone tells me to 'just' ignore it." And you know what's fucked up about that last bit? Take a look at criminal stalking where the victim was ultimately murdered. They were all being ignored by their peers and the police before they were. All of these factors connects though. Even you messaging me this shit just has ne thinking about the bigger picture. I am convinced that the way people like you react is enabling a stigma, that ultimately impacts the bigger picture and the way the obsolete methods the law uses handles things like this. If most citizens remain unaware, uneducated, and with the "just ignore it" attitude, that reflects on how the law handles things and legal representatives willingness to take on these cases, too. This exact scenario happens all the time, just with different forms of abuse. R*pe, domestic abuse, etc. It's just the same shit different story. It's always "just ignore it" or "well, maybe she shouldn't have..." or "well, she was wearing this.." or "well, maybe she should have -just- left him.." until one day someone gets loud enough or someone gets hurt badly enough and the MEDIA gets loud about it, that everyone gives a fuck. Change doesn't happen until you open the discussion and fucking talk about it. Change doesn't happen until enough people want it to. And I'm telling you right now that stalking laws especially need fucking change right now and saying shit like this is in my opinion, being a direct part of that problem. Do better.

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solodrivers · 6 months ago

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Life's been weird recently, It feels like no matter what I do it isn't enough and I'm constantly fighting to stay afloat. I felt like if I followed my dream and got to the point that I always day dreamed about that life would be better and happier. You know, the whole, "if you love your job you wouldn't work another day in your life because it doesn't feel like work". That's what I always thought would be the outcome of becoming a dealership tech but I was wrong. It ruined my love for cars and for the passion that was once there in that boy watching his brothers and his friends work on their cars outside the house. I think I now realize nobody knew exactly what they were doing but just winging it and figuring it out. Work has made working on family, friends and even my own cars a chore, a hassle, a job. I hate that this is how my passion has been dying. I love my job in the sense that I take it for granted getting to work on cars for the past 3 years but it's been hard dealing with the effects of it in the sense of not having a stable income, not having a stable schedule and seeing my baby grow up without me around for the most part. It's rough leaving the house at 7am just to be back at 8pm and she's already in bed asleep. It's tough seeing the world move constantly and feeling like every day is just another battle with life and I can feel my grip loosening. It's been getting harder and harder to find a reason to continue due to the constant feeling of drowning. I finally start to swim through life and another massive wave comes and sinks me again. It's hard being the head of the family and giving someone else reassurance that it'll work out when I, myself, cannot believe that. It's hard trying to motivate someone else when I've lost my own motivation. It's getting rough and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. The opportunities are showing up and there's room to change but I'm scared to make the wrong choice and then absolutely lose it and sink. I'm scared of how unpredictable life is and how I have to be the rock and fortitude of the family and it just weighs a lot on my shoulders when push comes to shove. Sometimes I'm not even sure if we're gonna be able to pay off our bills, let alone buy groceries or diapers or milk. It's hard mentally and emotionally to go through the exact same thing with my kid as my parents did with us growing up and re living the situations again. It's hard to be understanding and supportive when your own world is crashing down, you know? Who do I call when I can't do this anymore?? I guess I just got to figure it out like I've done every single time before. I just can't believe how fast time is moving, a week is starting to feel like a day and a month is starting to feel like a week. I just hope I figure it all out before I run out of time.. fuck man.. I have no clue what I'm gonna do..

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mangodestroyer · 1 year ago

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Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure my store would still be making lots of money if my wage was doubled.

Yes, I am aware that there is a fuck ton of labor that goes into running a clothing store. You have to pay the accountants, marketing team, upper management, truck drivers, customer service representatives, supervisors, and so much more. And sometimes, merchandise gets handled quite a bit. It needs to be kept neat, organized out onto the floor, go through price changes now and then, etc.

Thing is, I, a single employee, work with LOTS of merchandise everyday. Mere penny's worth of my labor goes towards a single unit, if even that. And the raw materials and labor that went into PRODUCING those clothes probably isn't as much as people think. It's pretty obvious these clothing items are being marked up at absurd prices so that you think you're getting a deal when you get a 20% off coupon or whatever.

Also, I wasn't even hired on as a service desk employee. And yet I often find myself working the till during a 4-8 hour shift. This isn't even the busiest time of the year for us, but it's really not uncommon for the place to be bustling with activity. And while working the register, I easily ring up tons of orders that are at least $50. Hell, I often find myself ringing up orders in the $150 to $300 range, with the occasional $500+ purchase. I'm also selling credit cards on top of that, which also earn the company lots of money because of the fact that these cards have a high interest rate and most people wait to pay them off when their bill arrives in the mail/online.

Not only that, but I also fill online orders sometimes. Whether that be through store pickup or through mail.

So I pretty much know how to do almost everything in the store. Aside from supervising and some operations tasks (even if I still help out with trucks and whatnot). I can do all of this fairly efficiently. ESPECIALLY since I've been working here two years. And within an hour, I can easily end up selling so much merchandise, that the money earned just from me alone ends up being far, FAR more than my weekly wage. Just in that hour.

So, yeah. How can you even justify giving the average worker a measly $12.50 an hour? Let alone one who is more experienced and efficient? With the cost of living these days, it just isn't ethical. Rent is insanely high, gas prices have gone up, and food isn't getting any cheaper. If my wage was doubled, I might actually be able to live on my own.

No, shit. Companies are greedy af. This is why I'm happy for the worker strikes and hope they do cause serious damage for the CEOs. The U.S. owns 25% of the world's wealth, so poverty shouldn't even be nearly as much of an issue as it currently is. And no one needs a billion dollars. Give me a break!

I've also become disgusted by how materialistic we are as a culture and try to cut back on frivolous purchases. I mean, I see people come here multiple times a month, buying so much dumb shit for their wardrobes that they really don't need. I once had a girl come in purchasing $400 worth of clothes. Admitting this wasn't the first time she'd done so that month. That she'll have to get a third job to support her shopping addiction when she already works 60 hours a week. Ngl, I kind of wanted to slap some sense into her right there and then. Just why??? She's already so busy, so she probably doesn't have much time to even enjoy the outfits she's wearing. And tbh, I doubt many people are giving it much thought either. And if you don't need to work more than 60 hours a week to survive, why the fuck would you? Wouldn't you rather, idk, pick up a hobby or something? Hang out with some friends? Spend some time out in the sun?

I guess capitalism isn't my thing.

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daddy-bradley · 2 years ago

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Crumble

(Not my gif!!! Credit to owner!!)

Summary: You and Bradley are having your first fight after your baby is born. How will you both come to a solution and learn to cope through this together?

Warning(s): Angst, cursing, mentions of parental insecurity, depression, anxiety, has a happy ending (Shout out to you hard-working mothers out there)

MESSAGE: (If you are someone who is dealing with depression, anxiety, etc. Please reach out for help. I know it may seem worthless, but I promise you, it'll help.)

A/N: Some songs I listened to for inspiration while writing this piece (Highly suggest you listen as you read!): He Deserves your Love - Sir, Selfish - Future ft. Rihanna, Glimpse of Us - Joji, Serendipity - BTS (Jimin)

"I don't have a say in when I get deployed. I don't know how many times I have to say this." the frustration in Bradley's voice was evident.

You had just been told that he was ordered for deployment and had to be shipped out for two months. Not even three months after your daughter had been born.

"I understand that when you are given orders you can't say no. I'm just upset that I'll be left here alone raising our daughter on my own." You stressed out to him as you tried your best to keep your voice quiet so your daughter would not wake up from her sleep.

"You won't be alone Y/N. You have Penny, your mom, the guys and Pete if you need help with anything. I can't do anything about this, so I don't understand why you're getting so upset." He was trying his best to hold back his frustration. He could feel his anger starting to appear, but he would never dare to lash out at you. At the end of the day you were his wife, and he was not going to mistreat you like that.

"Because you won't be here Bradley!" You finally revealed. The tears started to fall from your eyes, and you had decided to just let all your feelings become evident.

"You'll be gone at a place where I don't know if you'll make it back. Where I don't know if you'll be coming back to me and our daughter..." you hiccupped as you tried your best to calm yourself down.

As he was getting ready to respond to your concerns, you cut him off and proceeded to talk. He needed to know how you felt, or else he would never know what was bother you and make the situation worse later down the line.

"I know that this is your job. I know that this is something you love. But I also know that I cannot raise our daughter alone. I need you Bradley. Our daughter needs you. I don't want to have to face the day where she finally realizes you're not there and asks where you are and if you are coming home. Because I don't know when you will come home. I don't know if you will. You can promise me everything in the world, but at the end of the day, you and I both know that you not coming home is a possibility. And I don't want her to grow up without her father. I-I don't. Not, not like I-I did." the dam finally broke and this time you just let yourself cry, and cry, and cry.

It felt good to finally get this off your chest, it felt good to cry. But what you didn't feel good about was unintentionally making Bradley feel guilty about his career. You would never want him to regret dedicating his life to protecting this country. But, at the very least, he needed to know how you felt.

As you continued to cry with your hands covering your face, Bradley stood there and let your words sink in. He understands what you are feeling. He would never deny that him leaving you every time he had a deployment was hard. But he has a family now, and this time he would be leaving his wife and a child.

He knew that you being on your own without him can be lonely, but he also knew that would be the one taking care of the baby primarily on your own. Waking up multiple times throughout the night to feed and change her diaper, not get enough sleep, make sure to maintain the house, go to work, pay the bills, etc.

He watched you crumble in front of him. Your sadness causing a huge weight to your shoulders.Your gut wrenching sobs that you tried to control to not disturb your daughter. He knew the main reason why you were afraid to be on your own without him. you were afraid that you were going to have another depressive episode again.

After your daughter was born, he noticed after a couple of weeks that you weren't bonding with her as much as he was. The connection was not there. It wasn't until he came home one day to see you in bed, tears streaming, your hands in your hair, throat raw from crying as you curl up into a ball that he truly knew something was wrong.

He did everything he could to get you the help you need. To learn how to cope with your feelings. To build a better connection with your daughter. Overtime, massive improvement was seen and he was so proud of you. Your bond with daughter was now stronger than ever, and now everything she did consumed you.

Taking a step forward, Bradley pulls you into his chest. His arms are so tight around you, to the verge of almost suffocation. But you didn't even notice. Your arms instinctually wrapping around him as you cried in his neck.

"Everything is going to be okay baby." he soothed you as he kept you in his grip. He knew that you needed this, this type of security. It was one of the few things that made you feel safe.

"B-But what if-if it's not Bradley? W-What if I have an-another episode? I-I don't w-want that to-to happen?" you said brokenly as you thought about the past.

Pulling slightly away from you, he puts a finger under your chin to make you look at him. He needed you to listen and understand what he was going to say.

"Listen to me baby. You are strong, a very strong woman and a very good mother. I know you're scared of that happening again, but I know you are stronger than that." he started off as he gently wiped your continuous tears away.

"You gave birth to our daughter, you fought constant battles with your mind that affected your relationship with her, but in the end you won. You fought those demons, and now you are better than ever. " he leaned his forehead down to yours, your noses slightly touching.

"Its normal to feel sad every once in a while, and I know there is a chance that can happen while I'm gone, but you have to believe in yourself that you can overcome those moments and go back to being that strong woman that I know your capable of. Not for me, but for our daughter. Not having you both with me is going to be pure hell, I'm gonna have my moments too. But at the end of the day, I have reason to come home and that's you two. If I can do it, so can you. I believe in you, our daughter believes in you. And most of all, we both love you. You're strong baby, you just have to believe in it. "

And with that he gave you a long and hard kiss to your forehead, while keeping you in his arms. Your tears had stopped the river, but they were still there. You knew he was right. You knew that you could do this, you just had to make yourself believe that you can.

"I am strong." you whispered out as you kept your grip on him.

"You are." he replied back once he pulled away from your forehead.

"I am very strong." you said louder, although your voice was a bit wobbly.

"You are very strong." he praised you. He leaned down to give you a soft kiss in which you embraced whole-heartedly. Although you were still sad that he was leaving, you felt more prepared to look after your daughter when it was time for him to go.

"I'm a very good mother." you said, after the kiss.

"You're a wonderful mother." he said.

"I can do this." you stated firmly. This time, no hesitation, and no hint of stuttering in your voice.

"You can do this."

#bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw angst #bradley bradshaw fluff #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x reader #rooster bradshaw smut #rooster #rooster x reader #miles teller imagine #miles teller #mickey fanboy garcia #pete mitchell #top gun fanfiction #top gun maverick #bob floyd #jake seresin #pheonix

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pompadourpink · 3 years ago

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Hi! I turned 18 a few months ago. Before my 18th birthday I was a “kid”. They treated me like a one. As soon as I turned 18, I became an “adult”. All of a sudden I was treated like a one. Yesterday no one would listen to me, today they want me to give voice to my words. For them, sometimes I'm a kid, sometimes I'm an adult. For them, sometimes I'm wet behind the ears, sometimes I have to deal with things all by myself. I'm so confused. They have never let me be an adult before. They never prepared me for adulthood. What am I supposed to do? Is what I am saying important or it isn't important because I don't know anything about life yet?

Hello,

Good news: you are absolutely not alone.

Many people here fail their first year of university (myself included) because they go from having to ask permission to go to the bathroom to living by themselves, getting to choose when they wake up and go to bed, being expected to pay rent, bills, deal with roommates, in full charge of their chores, food, laundry, having to save, buy couches, get into relationships, find friends, etc. in two months and all that freedom is so overwhelming that they overheat and have a breakdown. Imposter syndrome is a common consequence of this type of education and I remember feeling like a crook when I got my first jobs after somehow nailing interviews, laughing hysterically after buying my first car, or being dumbfounded when my dad asked me if I thought he should retire or continue working, a few years ago.

Because I didn't feel worthy of any of it.

Everything you feel and think is important - whether people take it seriously or not is another problem. Sometimes you will genuinely not be able to provide a mature answer because there are things you haven't experienced yet, some other times it will just be a case of you being considered too young to use your brain by boomers. And if you are a minority, you'll pay the price too.

Here's some advice:

Don't be afraid to communicate when you're upset, but don't burn bridges. Stay calm even when people don't deserve it. Anger, envy, frustration, bitterness, will not serve you, they'll make you constantly miserable, can ruin your reputation (which cannot be undone) and might have long-term consequences. If someone is attacking you, depending on the situation, ask them very softly what the problem is and how you two can fix it together, or ignore them and walk away if it's a possibility. Bullies get bored when victims don't engage.

Learn how to cook. 100% the most useful skill you can learn.

Read the posts I linked below and spend some time on Youtube, Wikihow, Reddit, etc. to learn about 1/ finances, 2/ nutrition/health, 3/ anything domestic you might need (sewing, grooming, cleaning, meal prepping, etc).

Living with roommates for at least a year or two, while annoying, is a very teaching experience that I would recommend. You need to personally witness how other people live, and treat their interior, bodies, finances, etc.

Start working out regularly so you can die old and healthy.

If someone you know personally makes you feel disrespected, set boundaries immediately. They can't get away with it. Discuss it right away, explain why you think it's unfair, and ask for an apology. If you can't get one or are getting ridiculed, it's evidence that this person is around you for the wrong reasons. When people tell or show you who they really are, believe them the first time.

Other posts:

Adulting: stuff you need to buy, I don't know what to do with my life, advice for teenagers, starting over alone, Murphy's law: be proactive or burn, things to start doing when you turn 18, money education 101, invest in yourself, feed yourself well, stop procrastinating, put yourself first, it doesn't only happen to others, grooming 101, pick your battles, the truth about discipline, advice for young women, one day,

Self-dev: becoming an eloquent speaker, making yourself happy, you do you, about priorities, you're better than you think, labels aren't a good idea, overcoming obstacles and fear, confidence over appearance, advice to my 15-year-old self, getting your sense of self back, battling insecurity, dealing with hatred, the importance of gratitude, battling frustration, battling bitterness/entitlement,

Health: battling depression, wanting kids when sick/disabled, why you shouldn't give up, don't be your own bully, coping mechanisms, help I'm overwhelmed, living with mental illness, dealing with anger, dealing with a horrible job, social media isn't real,

Business: moving abroad, career picking, work/life balance, creating a study schedule, you're not their parent, your boss isn't your friend, happiness vs capitalism, careers are messy, language studying, facing injustice, you are not a robot, fear of public speaking, reaching your goals, about teaching, being your own boss,

Relationships: you're not his maid, finding a good partner, making friends, healthy relationships, surviving a breakup, dealing with family, codependency, green and red flags in relationships, healthy boundaries, about age gaps, craving for love, my partner or my dreams?, making friends online, you do look amazing, beauty is meaningless, no need to rush, relationships are everything, surviving being ghosted, dating 101,

More: art isn't meant to be useful, becoming a runner, how to adult 101 (phone calls, job searching, prepping for interviews, to-do lists, etc.), adopting a senior cat.

Love,

Mum

#ask #malks

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soyouthinkucanwrite · 3 years ago

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The money thing (part 1/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

It's always the little things, isn't it? The smallest stupidest things make almost no difference and then make all the difference in the world. They make everything special, but they also have the power to tear everything appart.

You and Daniel fight about money for the thousand time and he's had enough of it.

Warnings: super angst, but with a happy ending :)

Guys, this turned out WAY BIGGER than I expected, so I'm just gonna do a part 2, okay? Okay, thanks for understanding!

Song that inspired me: A list by HVOB

You and Daniel had been dating for a couple months now, having met through a common friend and hitting off almost instantly. You lived in Amsterdam and he, well he lived all over the world really, but his "time off" (meaning not racing) was spent between Monaco and London (for work), and Amsterdam now too, of course.

The changes were small and subtle at the beginning, like your weekends being spent traveling to meet him wherever in the world he was and consequently spending almost all your savings on plane tickets. You never complained to him (you planned on spending the money traveling anyway, so you didn't see the point), but didn't accept when he offered to buy your tickets, either. There's been some awkwardness around the subject but it usually died on its own.

*beginning of flashback*

"You’d have gotten here in time if you'd gotten the early flight like I told you" you remembered him saying that time you got in the paddock after the qualifying session had begun and couldn’t kiss him good luck.

"Baby, I told you. It was crazy expensive! Absurd even!"

"(y/n) for god's sake! What are we saving money for? I told you, you have my credit card number, I've offered to get you one, this is ridiculous, I can't believe I literally earn millions and my girlfriend wasn't there with me because the ticket was too expensive! I'll fucking fly you private if I have to!" he was almost yelling in his driver's room. You could only stare from the corner.

He took a deep breath running his hands through his hair. "Sorry. It's just... it was crap out there. I needed you" you grimaced at his words.

"Sorry. I really am..." you tried to approach him. "I'm here now?" you touched his arm. "It can't have been that bad, you're still on the top 10 and we both know what you can do from the 8th car..." you smiled at him.

*end of flashback*

He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).

The thing is, you always had trouble dealing with money. Sure, you liked to pay for your own stuff so as to not owe anything to anyone (especially boys), but it was so much deeper than that. Ever since a kid, you hated asking for money from your parents, and sometimes even the thought of buying stuff that was a bit more expensive made you sick. You couldn't explain why, you just felt guilty having so much and knowing that most people have never even seen that amount. It's not that you didn't want to spend it and save for the sake of it, you just didn't handle the idea of money very well. Needless to say, dating a millionnaire was bound to cause trouble in the relationship for you.

You were currently at his place in Monaco. It was the summer break and you had decided to spend some days just chilling at home, just the two of you - which you were glad since going out means hair, makeup, clothes, accessories, shoes... and, let's be honest, the kind of places he usually took you is not the kind of places you just throw something together last minute (the Instagram models and other driver's girlfriends looking you up and down were enough to make you think about spending money you did not have to hire a stylist or something like that). The whole situation was really stressing you out and you knew you would have to be honest with him eventually, instead of only dodging the subject and refusing most of his offers to pay. You tried to. You kind of tried. You suggested staying at home, in bed, most of the time, and he gladly agreed, but that strategy wasn't gonna work forever. You had to be honest with him. But at the same time, you knew what he was going to say and do, and the thought of him spending money on you, even if just by handling the restaurant bill, wasn't something you were much more comfortable with. Besides, it was only a matter of time before the "gold-digger" term starts to fly around in the small world that was the F1's.

You were laying on his couch, the Olympics playing on the TV but you were too busy overthinking the money thing to pay attention. Daniel was laying with his head on your lap, absently caressing your thigh and watching the TV. His phone went off and he moved to pick it up.

"Hello?" you watched as he answered the phone. "Hey mate, how's it going? Uh nothing, we're just chilling at home. Getting some rest... Yeah, I'm getting rested, you dirty-minded son of a bitch" you rolled your eyes while he laughed out loud on the line with someone. "Yeah, I know... the 19th is it? No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Alright, mate. Thanks for calling. Have a good one! Bye!" he hanged up and leaned in to peck you on the lips.

"Good news?" you asked him.

"Not really. Just wanted to kiss you" he shrugged, smiling. You smiled back and hugged him, pulling him in for another kiss. He was always so caring with you, always finding an excuse to kiss or touch you. You knew some people didn't like it, but you loved it. Physical touch was definitely one of your love languages.

"What's happening on the 19th then?" you asked him once you guys set apart from the kiss.

"Gotta be in London. Gonna run some testings and other boring race stuff..."

"Hum..." you hummed in understanding.

"You know what would make it less boring though?" he asked and you just looked at him, you already knew what he was going to ask you and it wasn't that you didn't want to spend every minute of the day with him, but you simply couldn't afford any more traveling, especially not in such short notice. "If you came with me. Huh? What do you say? A week in the Queen's land? Then we can fly together to Spa and after the race, I can go with you to Amsterdam. The next one it's the Dutch GP anyway, I'll just get there sooner" he laughed. It was crushing you, the man of your dreams was literally beaming at making plans with you, talking about spending the next few weeks glued together and you couldn't say yes.

"Dan, I have to work" you smiled sadly.

"Can't you work from distance? Or, I don't know, I mean... I know it's tiring, but you could come to London and fly home a bit early, then just meet me in Belgium?" great, his solution includes even more flying. And the thing is, you really didn't mind the flying. You always slept during the whole thing anyway, so you never got tired and the jetlag was minimal. You could work from distance, sure. Your boss wouldn't mind, as long as you got there eventually to check in on everything. But the whole logistics were just too expensive. There was no way you could afford it.

"I... sorry, I don't think I can" you said sadly and watched as his face dropped.

"That's fine, baby. I get it. I'm asking too much, all this traveling... don't worry about it" he tried to mask his emotions but you knew better. He knew you could in fact work from distance, so he was probably thinking the reason you couldn't do it was because you didn't want to.

He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Meanwhile, you couldn't help but bury your face in your palms. This was so frustrating!

"You wanna go for a run or something? Maybe get something to eat?" he called from the kitchen, already moving on from the subject. You knew this whole thing was only gonna keep build up till he got tired of your excuses or you blowing up, probably the former, but you just keep going.

"Yeah, sure" you answered, getting up from the couch.

You and Daniel were both very active so going for a run, hiking, riding bikes, or whatever in the middle of the day was really routine for you. The Monaco summer weather was as beautiful as always and the sun was shining bright. You enjoyed the rest of your afternoon racing each other, kissing in the harbor, and just taking in the views, spending quality time together. Money wasn't even a thing in your bubble for a while.

"I'm getting hungry" he said on the way back home.

"Me too, and I'm super hot. I could go for a juice or something right now" you were all sweaty from the running, but you didn't care, he was too.

"You're always hot baby, I don't think juice gonna help with that" he grinned at you and you just rolled your eyes at him.

You passed by one of his favorite spots for food, nearby his place and he suggested getting some take-out, to which you agreed.

"Green juice, and a chicken wrap?" you tried to decide while the both of you waited in line.

"I'll never understand how you drink that"

"I've seen you drink that too, it's actually very refreshing"

"Because I'm forced to, I'm a high-performance athlete baby. But I'm on a break, so I'll have a coke, thank you very much" you laughed at him. He was holding your hand and tried to kiss you, wrapping his arm around you, you didn't dodge his kiss, you would never, but still laughed at the fact he wanted to kiss the sweaty mess you were right now.

"I'm gross, only you" you laughed.

"That's my baby, with no makeup she a ten" he rapped shrugging and grinning.

"Alright Lil Wayne, I know that one, don't even finish the verse" you laughed at him, making him laugh out loud, getting everyone's in the restaurant's attention.

"It's true, though"

"Sure..." You just shook your head smiling. Then you heard someone call his name.

"Hey! Daniel!" you both turned around to see Charles and Charlotte sitting in a corner, him waving at you two. You had met Charles a couple of times before but never spoke too much to him. They seemed to be leaving anyway, so they walked towards you guys, instead of towards the door.

"Hey mate, how's it going?" Daniel greeted him with a handshake. "Hey, Charlotte! You know (y/n) yet?"

"Hi! I don't think so, hi! How are you?" she greeted you smiling.

"Hi! Nice to meet you. Hi, Charles!" you said.

"Hey, (y/n). You're keeping him in line during the break? Char won't let me cheat my diet either" he laughed.

"Oh, that ship has sailed long ago! Daniel will just roll into the paddock if it's up to him" you laughed back.

"Hey! I think I've earned the right to some extra calories, we've been working out extra hard lately" Daniel said waving his eyebrows suggestively, making Charlotte giggle, Charles rolls his eyes and you go even redder than you were from the actual workout, while he just laughed out loud.

"I don't even want to know" Charles said. "Always great running into you mate" he was getting ready to say goodbye.

"Are we seeing you guys tomorrow?" Charlotte asked you.

"Tomorrow?" you asked her.

"Stefano's birthday" she said like it was obvious. Stefano Domenicali was the President and CEO of Formula 1, but you didn't know that yet - still, her tone made it seems like it was someone Daniel knew, so you just looked at him. He just rubbed his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "Oh, wait. Please tell me I didn't just said something I shouldn't" she looked at Charles.

"No, no. He invited me. Us, actually" Daniel reassured her. "I don't think we're going though, forgot to mention to you" he said looking at you.

"Uh mate, I wouldn't skip that if I were you. He didn't even invite all the drivers I heard" Charles said. "Maybe just stop by to say hello?"

"Stop by... a yacht... at the sea?" Charlotte said grinning at him. Daniel looked at you.

"You feel like going? It should be fun" he asked you.

"Sounds fancy... I mean, I don't mind if you go" you said.

"Common... I’m not going alone" he nudged you.

"I don't even have anything to wear, Dan" you told him.

"Oh! We can go shopping together!" Charlotte said and you had almost forgotten they were still there.

"Perfect!" Daniel answered for you. You could only imagine the types of stores she shopped.

"Tomorrow morning, then? Daniel can text your address to Charles for me? I'll pick you up!" she was being really nice about it.

"I thought you wanted to go today?" Charles said.

"That's when I thought I would have to go shopping with you, so I could use the extra time since you're the worst shopping partner ever!" she laughed at him.

"Burn!" Daniel laughed.

"His fashion taste is not the most reliable, let's face it" she laughed and kissed his cheek. "It's a date then (y/n)?" she looked expectantly at you. You didn't want to let her down, it was so hard to make friends with the girlfriends of other drivers, they were usually so... not nice. You could always just help her and find something to wear in your own stuff later.

"Yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, at 10?" you said simply.

"Perfect!" she beamed.

>>> end of part 1 <<<

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo fanfic #Daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo imagine #daniel ricciardo fic #f1 fic #f1 fanfic

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ofpineapplesanddawns · 3 years ago

Note

Could you do something in which Alec and Bill are already married when Alec comes to Broadchurch?

Huh, interesting concept.

Sure, I can write a little ficlet up with this.

On with the fic!

"Have you arrived?" Hardy asked as soon as he put his phone to his ear.

"And hello to you as well, Alec." Came the amused tone of his husband, clearly used to how Hardy did things. "But yes, I just arrived at the airport. Betty will be coming to pick me up, she's stuck in traffic."

"You Americans and your traffic." Hardy said, amused but tired as he sat himself down on the hotel bed he would be sleeping in for... an untold amount of time. He'd also be sleeping in it alone, and that made it seem worse for him.

"Did you get to the town just fine?" Bill asked.

"Just arrived about twenty minutes ago, took a bit to get the manager to understand that I'm here with police station paying for the time."

"I'm guessing this is new for her then."

"Probably, it's... a very small place." Hardy sighed, laying back against the bed. The town of Broadchurch was small from what he saw through the cab's windows, but the bed was too big, too lonely. "I don't know if this is the right job, it seems too... beneath me, in a sense, you know?"

It was a transfer, one that Hardy had put in for, to make up for what happened years ago, in his old city, just two months before Bill entered his life when Hardy went back up to Scotland.

They'd been married for nearly six months now, but just as Hardy put in the transfer, for penance, he said, Bill was called back to his old place of business in the states. He was needed for a paper he was working on, even though they both thought he could handle it at home here.

Still, Bill would be back to Scotland in time, but Hardy had no idea when he'd return. There was talk of moving, if Hardy kept the job, but he had a feeling that wouldn't be the case.

A place like this? The worst that was here was probably theft or a bit of drug dealing, nothing too big.

It's not like a murder was ever going to happen. Broadchurch was the sort of town where everyone knew each other, you'd have to be the worst sort of scum to kill someone and think you could get away with it.

"How was the train ride?" Bill asked. "I'm sure it was shitty, from the text you sent me."

"Long, boring, and someone had a cough and refused to do anything about it." Hardy scoffed. "And your flight?"

"Hot, cramped, and the guy next to me wouldn't stop chewing with his mouth open. About punched him right in the jaw when he spat on me while he was talking."

"Disgusting." Hardy chuckled. "I should let you go, Betty's probably almost there and it's late here, I have to be at the station by half six to get an early start."

"Miserable." Bill replied. "Take care of yourself, Alec, and remember to keep your medication with you, I'm not there to keep an eye on you."

"Wish you were here, would make this go a lot better for me."

"I know, but it's only for a bit here, and probably not long for you there. I'm sure you'll be back home in a month."

Hardy nodded, though Bill didn't see it. "This bed is a king, I don't want to be in it without you."

There was a soft sigh. "I know that'll be the same thing for me when I get my hotel. But it's just for a bit, we'll be home in due time. We'll talk every day, if that helps."

"It should, it'll be the highlight of my day, cause I'm sure nothing will happen while I'm here. Don't see why they even need a DI anyway."

"Because all towns should, and because you're the best so you'll do fine."

Hardy felt a smile come to him at that. "Sap."

"I know. Oh, there she is. Best I go, I'll call you later, alright? I love you."

"Yeah, I love you too, Masters." Hardy hung up and set his phone on the bed with him, looking up at the ceiling, then to the framed photo above the bed. It looked to be of cliffs at a beach, oddly familiar, in a sense, but he might have seen something like them before in a movie or something.

He closed his eyes and sat up, best to get ready for bed, he had a big day ahead of him in this stupid, boring little town.

#illogical husbands #broadchurch #masters of sex #alec hardy #bill masters #john's drabbles #good omens extended universe

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cheelduh · 4 years ago

Text

How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)

Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.

Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not.

Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH

For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.

Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.

Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.

Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.

You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.

Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"

A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"

"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."

Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.

The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.

You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.

Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.

The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.

"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."

Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.

"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.

"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"

Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.

You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.

Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"

"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."

She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.

"What do you want?"

You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."

Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"

How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.

"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."

Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.

Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"

You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.

Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."

He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.

Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."

"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."

She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.

"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."

You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.

"Oh, I will be."

—

Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.

He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.

Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.

"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.

"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.

"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"

Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."

"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.

"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.

"Ok—ok I'm sorry."

There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.

"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.

Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.

Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.

However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.

"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.

The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.

"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.

"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.

The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.

"There's this rumour going around—I'm sure you've heard..."

"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.

"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."

"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."

"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.

"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."

"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.

The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."

Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."

"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."

"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.

"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.

Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."

"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."

"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."

"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"

As favorable as the proposal is, Childe contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.

His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.

"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.

Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.

Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.

Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.

"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"

He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.

—

Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.

It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.

From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.

"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.

"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.

"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"

The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.

Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.

"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."

"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.

"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."

The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.

"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.

Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.

Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"

"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."

He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.

As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.

"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."

Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.

—

You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.

Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?

"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.

Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"

"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.

He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.

Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.

You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."

"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"

"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."

"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"

It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.

"Yeah...something like that."

The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.

"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."

"And the son of a bitch did it?"

"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"

You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."

"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"

Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.

Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.

Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.

"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.

You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.

"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."

"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."

Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.

Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.

"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.

With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.

A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.

Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.

There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.

If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.

You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.

Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"

"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.

"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.

Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.

"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."

"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.

Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.

Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.

Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.

"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."

"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."

A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."

"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.

Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.

His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"

You lock and aim for his right kidney.

Worth a try, Childe thinks.

"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.

Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.

It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.

"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.

Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.

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