#I don't even know how I'm going to pay bills this month let alone deal with a potential bug infestation????
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kittlyns · 11 months ago
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My dog has a double ear infection, my dad is in the hospital, my period cycle is so fucked up right now that there might actually be something wrong with me but it's likely gonna be weeks before I get to see anyone abt it, and I just found a goddamn bed bug in my bed.
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago
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AITA for saying I'm not rich?
Wait stop hear me out
So the thing is, my father is wealthy. Or at least he made enough money to have two Ferraris and a boat, which to me are the most useless things because why would u spend that money on this when u could spend it on food or commodities but details
When I was young, any time I asked for money or something, he'd make a huge deal about it. He'd make me feel awful, so awful that I just stopped asking for anything at all, starting from my teenage years to my college years, and I survived entire months, living alone during college, with 50 dollars to get by. For groceries and bills. And yes, he was nice enough to pay for my rent (170 dollars back then) but every time I'd be the worst piece of garbage for asking him. Worst thing was, I wanted a job, but he had this delusion that any sort of job that would take me, basically customer service, i wanted was "underneath my daughter" so he legit didn't let me and he'd go to big, big hoops to not allow me to do so
I'd never buy clothes or other necessities: I spent my teenage years just putting together what I got from relatives to make some savings, and I'd survive on that. He'd go splendid on my birthday and christmas, I guess, he'd buy me things, but I came to dread those days because the thought of him spending money -and how he reacted to it- always sent me into a blind panic so yes even though I got nice gifts I was never happy about it and I really really don't like my birthday
So I was always the girl who had two Ferraris to my friends, and they'd always get mad at me when I honestly told them "actually Im not rich" or "I'm sorry I'd rather go to the cheaper place" - because I legit thought i wasn't - and called me an asshole. But This was my father's money and I lived with him, but I rarely saw an actual dollar, everything I bought was with my savings and I spent years and years accumulating it, hoarding it. So I lived in this fancy house, but I'd wear 3 dollar pants and worn shoes because that's what I could afford with my money.
Note that even paying my school fees was a nightmare to me, because my father openly said I was a parasite and screamed at me but whATEVER
So um, my friends always said i was an ass for saying I didn't have any money, when my father was swimming in it. But when u survive on the allowance ur aunt gave u for an entire month, u really don't feel like it? and I always always felt so bad about it, because it felt like they were right and I was an asshole for pretending I don't have money. Except I didn't. I really didn't. That was all his, not mine, and while he did pay school and college flat rent, he was always making sure I knew what a burden I was for it. So yes, I'd still say I was actually not rich - even though I was lucky enough to have someone pay for me.
Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that, when it's not mine and I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right
Note: I am a grown adult now, I live on my own, pay my own things and have my job. And he's happy that he doesn't have to pay for me anymore, is baffled by my relationship with money (I don't like spending it ahah), not so much about me not living with him though. (The weird thing is he wants me with him, but not to take care of me which, honestly, valid) I do have a better relationship with him, but we never talk money because I live on minimum wage - ironically enough in costumer service - and he doesn't, so to me spending 60 on groceries is a lot (150 bills destroy me honestly, so winter is a joy) and he always, always mocks me for it. It's weird how he goes around with a Rolex and snuffs me for wearing Primark pants and then people constantly just... Think I have money at all and get mad at me when I say I don't
Anyway yeah AITA for saying I'm not rich? Tbh I really don't know if I can consider myself that if it's not mine, if I've never actually used it, it doesn't feel like it, but some tell me that's my privilege and I guess that could be right
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ceasarslegion · 7 months ago
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Ok you can't just tease gory roommate stories and then not share them! Pleeease tell us more!
I didn't answer this at first because I had to go back to dig up the photos to prove I am not fucking with you when I say how disgusting that place was
So how we ended up living together was that I had just graduated uni, toronto is too expensive so I couldn't stay there as much as I wanted to, and a federal government career opportunity in PEI fell through on the basis that I "didn't look enough like a minority" (which is a lot to unpack but let's just move on, if anyone wants that story send another ask my way lmao). So all this in mind, I had to grab all my stuff and fuck off back to edmonton and take a paying-the-bills job for a while.
I also needed a place to live, so I called up a few of my friends in edmonton and asked if any of them needed a roommate because I was making minimum wage in a mall skincare store, I couldn't afford to live alone. This person responded and told me they needed a roommate to get out of the sketchy part of the city. Win-win.
Honestly, would've been better taking my chances on craigslist. This person single-handedly ruined the concept of roommates for me for the rest of my goddamn life.
When I say disgusting, I mean vile. I mean that the entire time I was there I had the one laundry card from our unit and she never once asked for it. I don't know where or when or how she was doing her laundry, but most of her clothes were strewn about randomly. She had 2 cats, and cleaned their litter boxes maybe once a month, never brushed them. Cat hair everywhere, the whole place reeked of cat piss, dirty litter got tracked across the whole house, and one time one of them barfed on the carpet and she didn't even touch it for weeks. I left it there as a test to see if she would actually clean up after her own animals if I didn't get fed up and do it for her, like I ALWAYS did with everything else.
Dirty dishes were left to rot, her definition of "cleaning" them was soaking them in their own filth overnight and then putting them back in the cupboard, no brush or sponge. Half the time the dishes were fucking coated in grease and mold that was just rinsed off. And every time that happened was when I didn't do them. She ended up getting a tabletop dishwasher at one point and was so fucking lazy that she couldn't even be assed to throw a dishwasher tab in there and hit the on button when it got full, just kept piling dishes up in the sink.
The floors were COVERED in untouched impulse bought shopping bags that she would set down and never pick up again. The fridge and cupboards were chock all of all her impulse bought food to the point where I had no space for my own. She just kept buying more and more of the same shit she already had and then getting pissed at ME when I told her to reorganize the fucking fridge so that I can EAT. Honestly this was where I started getting petty and just eating her food, because it would go fucking moldy and sit there and she wouldn't do shit about it if I didn't.
I was the only one who ever took out the garbage. I was the only one who cleaned the bathroom. Wait sorry, she did it ONCE, so I'm a hypocrite /s. The previous sentence was her logic and tactics for arguing whenever I asked them to clean up after themself. Multiple times I had to deal with their used pads because they couldn't be fucking assed to take out the bathroom trash.
And hey, when I said I was fine with her boyfriend coming over sometimes, I didn't say he could basically just move in, throw all HIS trash everywhere, and never move out. I don't think that motherfucker (who was more disgusting than her) ever slept at his own goddamn house for 6 straight months.
She smoked so much weed that I think she might be the first person to have a legitimate weed addiction, often INSIDE so we would get smoking complaints. She would howl like a BANSHEE into the early hours of the morning on ps online with her brother in a building with thin walls. She would hoard all the dishes in her room to rot to the point where half the time I didn't have bowls to eat out of, because they were molding in her room.
One time, she made soup. And then didn't clean the pot for multiple MONTHS. And when I told her to clean her disgusting pot her reaction was to put it on the floor. Do you think I'm a fucking dinosaur whose visual competence is based on movement? Do you think im fucking stupid?
This all came to a head on provincial election night of 2023. I was a campaign staffer for the NDP so obviously e-day was hectic for me. I left my apartment at 6am and didn't get back until past midnight scrambling to get last minute canvassing done and poll inspections and go to the results party. She knew this, it was her day off, she promised me she would clean up her mess
When I get home, what do I find?
Not only is the mess not touched, it is worse. "Dirty underwear in the hallway" worse. She spent all fucking day playing video games and smoking weed. And now I would have to clean it all up because she won't, she never did, not one time did she ever actually make good on her promises to clean up after herself, I did it EVERY. TIME.
Oh wait no, sometimes she would move bags into a corner, so I'm a hypocrite and I'm asking too much of a grown-ass adult who is OLDER than me and she has to walk on eggshells around me. I'm so cruel and terrible and a bad person whose hygiene expectations of not breathing in cat piss are impossible. Don't I know she has depression and works 6 days a week? I'm a bad terrible ableist piece of shit and if I don't like it I can just leave. Which is what she acted like when I got so pissed at that that I confronted her about it and told her to get her fucking act together and grow the fuck up and take some responsibility for the fucking pigstye she was making other people live in. And then the next morning I found a lovely note on the fridge calendar that said "[boyfriend] moves in soon <3" so she was just kicking me out. Because I told her to pick up her dirty fucking underwear. She also had the AUDACITY to tell me that I was being unreasonable and had impossible standards of hygiene and that "it literally doesn't affect you"
So I went "lmao bet" and then told my landlord I was taking that offer of his to break the lease. What she didn't know was that I was telling him all this shit just in case I would have to bail early and cover my ass with the rental board. And he agreed that she was so unreasonable that he drafted me up a written agreement that this was a special case and he would not charge me fines or slap a broken lease on my record on the grounds that my roommate made my situation unlivable and a hazard to my health and safety. I contacted my grandma to move into her basement for a while and a week later I fucked off, leaving her with the entire rent and all the utility bills. I think it's less than she deserved honestly, I want my fucking security deposit back. Although I was very petty and did a shit job of patching up and repainting the mounted tv holes in my bedroom wall so they could deal with that.
Here's the photos of what I lived in for 9 months:
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Are you taking the fucking piss
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Now I live alone and I'm never doing roommates again. The only people I am living with are either my life partner or I'm moving back in with family if I can't afford it. I'll pump gas in the ass end of nowhere Saskatchewan in my Nan and grandads trailer before I live in this again
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cherry-queens-blog · 1 year ago
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A story I wrote since I've been really depressed lately and haven't been okay at all for awhile so I put it into this story. It is short yes but i did put my own feelings and situation into this.
Dealing with depression, stress, self hatred. Gyutaro who had taken such a liking to you comforts you when he hears you crying in the bathroom.
COMFORT FOR THE PAIN
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It had been an entire year now since you allowed Gyutaro to stay with you in your home, growing used to him dragging people in to feast on them, hearing them scream as he cut them open with his sickle, pulling out their insides, ripping off their limbs from their bodies and devouring them from inside your basement. It took a good while to get used to it despite it still making your blood run cold through your entire body, knowing that, that could be you one day if he decides to turn on you besides the fact that you two get along quite well and him offering you protection for letting him use your home to hide from the sunlight. Gyutaro is usually always gone during the night so you had some peace before he brought home another victim of his for dinner. Lately these last 6 months had been really hard on you after you had lost your job, applying everywhere that was hiring only to keep getting constantly denied, which sent you into a dark spot. Now drowning in depression and stress and having no one to help you through this time or no one to even talk to since you had no friends at all, and family can't help you either and also doesn't speak to you unless they want something from you which made it worse. You felt so damn alone and so low while struggling to do everything you can just to pay off bills, get food to eat, even going to the extent to sell yourself out to men just to get the money to survive. One night the burden was to much, the hurt really setting in as it was almost time for Gyutaro to come back from his hunt. You went into the bathroom to hide yourself so you could cry it out without him seeing. You really didn't want him seeing you in such a vulnerable, crying state at all since he is a demon and you know he is gonna say a bunch of hurtful stuff right? like how your being pathetic, weak, so on. As you enter inside the bathroom you couldn't help it, you broke down instantly after shutting the door and curling up in front of the bathtub, laying your head into your knees as your tears fell from your eyes. Unfortunately when he got back, walking past the bathroom he could hear your faint sobbing from inside and out of curiosity he opened the door, seeing you sitting in front of the tub. A faint sigh is heard from him as he walks over, sitting down beside you, putting his arm around you, pulling you into a tight embrace.
He hugs you tightly as you break down, tears running down your cheeks, whimpers leaving your lips, sniffles from your nose. He doesn't know what's going on or what it is about you but seeing you like this made him feel more protective of you, he actually wanted to care for you. The sense of absolute hurt and overbearing pain was so apparent and radiating from your body that even gyutaro could feel it. The way you cried so hard you could barely breath, choking on the air you could get into your lungs only for it to feel so difficult to exhale sometimes. Gyutaro ends up pulling you onto his lap and started to pet your head, stroking your hair so gently while looking at you. He could tell you were really hurting by the way you were crying and how heavy your breathing was. He looked at you with pure love in his eyes when he speaks up. "Aww what's wrong my little blossom?, you know whatever is bothering you, you can tell me." He says softly with his croaky, rough voice. "Everything is just so hard, I'm wearing myself out trying so hard gyutaro, I have no one in my life that can help or even wants to speak with me, i can't even get another job and I just hate myself so fucking much right now, and I just don't understand why you bother with me when I'm just nothing but pathetic, useless, and just not enough for anyone else, I also don't belong anywhere either. You should've just killed me when we met" You cried, whimpering, voice cracking as you spoke. Gyutaro couldn't believe what you just said as his facial expression is now one of complete shocked. Did you really just say he should've killed you? He thought to himself, shaking his head before holding you a little tighter now against his rough body.
"Look at me" He said sternly, putting his fingers under your chin and making you look at him, your lips in a frown as your bottom lip quivered a bit from the crying. "stop saying such pathetic things like that, I won't tolerate it understand" He spoke with a serious voice now. You felt speechless, all you could do was just look at him after hearing him say that. Gyutaro sighed and started caressing your cheek with his thumb, rubbing it in circles on your damp skin. "I'm not sure how many times i must repeat myself but i am here for you, alright?" He says as he looks at you in the eyes meaning every word he said to you but it still felt a little hard to believe him but you will trust it you suppose as you put your arms around his neck, burying your face into the side of his neck, wetting his skin with your tears as they dropped onto him like warm rain that was plastered in agony. Gyutaro could feel your tears crash against his skin wetting it as he held you close, petting your head again with his hand, putting his other arm over your waist and rubbing your back trying to ease the hurt and discomfort your feeling that is drowning you so deeply right now. After awhile your crying starts to die down, exhaustion taking hold of you as all the crying had worn you out completely and you end up falling asleep peacefully in Gyutaros arms. Gyutaro gets up still holding you in his arms as he exits the bathroom, walking to the bedroom. He enters the room and lays you down in bed, covering you with a blanket. Gyutaro watches you for a good moment when he gets an idea, a good one too that could help you out drastically. The sun starts to rise in the dark sky giving the que that Gyutaro had to leave alone in the room while you slept. He rushes out and heads down into the dark basement letting you rest and relax after what just happened. He really does love you and he will help you in anyway he can.
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limeade-l3sbian · 2 years ago
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How do you cope with recovering from depression? It’s an odd question, no doubt, “why would I need to recover from getting better?”…
I’ve noticed when I’m not struggling with depression, the rare months or sometimes even a thankful year, I tend to have much higher suicidal tendencies. It’s like my energy and ability to look at life more rationally makes me less inclined to live. It’s probably a dumb thing to say, but when I’m going through depression, i’m too numb to make a plan for killing myself, but when I’m out of that suddenly I have all energy back and it seems possible, perhaps even easy.
I’m obviously trying to get out of this and I wonder if I’m alone in this experience. If this is something you or your followers deal with, what do you do in this situation?
Simply overcoming depression does at least not for me make me any more enthusiastic about life or the future. I want to reach a place where when the period of apathy passes i instead get lots of love for life.
You feel that way likely because the truth is there isn't any good reason to live. Greed and violence consume society. Women remain oppressed. Racism is still rampant. Death comes too quickly for those who cherish it and too slowly for those burdened by it. We could spend all night talking about how terrible the world is and I would agree with you because implying that the world is an inherently good place is bullshit.
However, implying that it is inherently a bad place is bullshit too.
I fully understand what you mean when you say it's almost worse when you're better because you can't even blame how you're feeling on the depression. I'm thinking clearly and I still want to die. Maybe this is just the truth. That's something I deal with every single day, anon. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about dying. I've told many professionals the exact same thing you're telling me and they all gave me half baked responses that I'd heard a million times and didn't want to hear one more time. The world is a very annoying and shitty place to me and, apparently, to you.
My greatest solace is two things. One: I know as little about what my future looks like as I do what comes after you die. But one suggests hope while the other ends my entire story. Regardless of what comes after death, you don't get a say in what happens now. Yeah, you could kill yourself tonight and you'd say "I don't care about what happens after I die" but of course you do. You're human. That's why your heart rate picks up when you REALLY think about killing yourself. It's not excitement. It's raw fear and your body goes into fight or flight against itself. What a terrible state to be in. What a terrible last feeling. You die, afraid.
But moving forward, despite all the bullshit is also scary too! Fuck. Paying taxes and bills? Finding love? What if I fuck it all up? Fuck, what if something terrible happens to me like I get assaulted or I get in a car accident at some point? Why would I stick around to let all this happen? From the ages of 10-12 I had a hard time sleeping because I was CERTAIN my family's home would be burglarized and I would be kidnapped, raped, and killed horrifically. That's a whole thing but just know that I thought that was a very real and very inevitable thing. And none of those things has ever happened to me, thankfully. Ever, anon. We never even got solicitors at our door, let alone a criminal through the window.
And you know what that was? Me not knowing jackshit about the future but predicating my disposition of life on my greatest fears. I thought I was gonna kill myself at 16 and then I didn't. I thought I was gonna kill myself at 18 and I didn't. You don't know shit, I don't know shit. None of us know SHIT. The future has far more to offer you than death, anon. In death, you die swallowed by your darkness. You push on, and you give yourself a chance.
Plus you're gonna die anyway. It's not like if you don't kill yourself now you'll live forever. If that was true, I would literally tell you to kill yourself because gross, no one (sane) wants to live forever.
Second thing! You're gonna die anyway (kinda spoiled that at the last bit but whatever). I truly take solace in the fact that I'm gonna die anyway. You might die tomorrow! You don't know! You could kill yourself (however you might plan that) and go through inevitable pain and fear. Or, you ride it out and get hit so fast and so hard by a bus next week that you never even register pain or fear. And you could argue that the more inhibited you live life (travel, try new things, meet new people, etc.) betters your chances of dying since staying inside only promises another day. So you might as well live freely and give the universe all the opportunities it has to kill you.
That's how I get on, anon, No bullshit.
There's no good reason to live because there is "no reason" to live. There's no reason to die either, so you might as well choose the one where you can eat honey buns and go on Tumblr and talk to awesome women like meeee. 💜💜💜
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timeoverload · 8 months ago
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Today was a lot more stressful than I was anticipating. I felt like death when I woke up but I managed to get up anyway. I had 26 cases so that wasn't too bad but everything else was going wrong. One of the morning shift people called in again so there were only 3 of us until 11am. The morning team lead was in decontam for like 5 hours and he would not stop talking to me so my social battery is drained. I am glad we are getting along better but he is too much for me sometimes. It also sucked because we were really busy and there were a lot of priorities. The girl we just hired decided not to show up for new employee orientation so that was frustrating. That's the third person we have hired in the past 6 months that didn't work out. I can't remember the last time we were fully staffed. It's so annoying.
I had a panic attack again this afternoon. My grandma texted me to tell me she has a concussion because she fell due to high blood pressure. She can't handle the stress. She told me I need to deal with my mom because she can't do it anymore. She also told me my mom wants to come home and I need to help her. My mom texted me a while after that and started being so nasty to me. She was being so mean even though I tried to send nice messages. That made me cry so I had to leave the department for a little bit. She sort of calmed down after a while so we were able to have a discussion.
She was trying to tell me she wanted to move back and she said she would get a bus ticket when the time comes. She wants to stay with my grandma for a month. I told her she couldn't do that because grandma isn't doing well. She also doesn't have a spare room. My mom abused my grandma when she lived with her last time. My grandma lost her condo because of my mom's behavior while she lived there. It's just not a good idea. My mom said she would sleep on someone's couch but we are definitely not going to let her stay at the house with us. It's not safe. My dad and I are both afraid of her. I'm sure my brother and sister feel the same way. I am nervous about having to be around her by myself. I don't know if she is capable of doing much damage now due to her disabilities but I can't be sure. I haven't seen her in years so I don't know how much she has changed. She asked me why I was living at home and I told her about how I dumped my ex and needed a safe place to live. I also said that I can't live alone due to my health. She didn't respond after that but maybe she had an epiphany and realized that my dad isn't a bad guy like she thinks. I'm not really sure if that's true or if I offended her. I bet I will still get nasty messages later. I am planning on getting cameras in case she tries to come to the house and do weird stuff. She isn't allowed over here and she will get a ticket for trespassing.
I told her that I will try to pay for a hotel room for her for a month but I don't know how I am going to afford that. I am going to have to figure out my budget. I have a bill I really need to pay on Friday so I don't know how much I will have left over. She argued with me about not wanting to get a hotel room because it's expensive. I know it's expensive but there aren't any other options at the moment. It would be way better than staying at a shelter. She is so damn stubborn sometimes. She is going to be applying for disability again so I really hope she follows through with that this time.
She got a new phone so I can call her whenever I want so that's nice I guess. I am just surprised that we were able to text each other for several hours earlier and a lot of what she was saying made sense. I have learned that I need to try to change the subject when she starts going off on a rant. It seems like it sort of helps. She keeps sending me links to her youtube videos and I haven't watched them in a while because they make me uncomfortable. I think I might have to make myself do that sometime because I want to know what she has been doing.
She stresses me out so much but I love her anyway. She did tell me she loved me earlier so that made me happy. She is still capable of being nice sometimes. I really hope I can figure everything out by myself because I want her to be safe. I'm just happy she wants to come home because I didn't think that I was going to get another chance to see her. I also hope she doesn't run away again. I am going to do my best to stay positive and hope for the best.
I don't know what I am going to do but I can't think about it anymore right now because I am so tired. I will probably have to take intermittent FMLA after all. I won't get paid when I'm off so that is going to make this harder. I am going to talk to my boss about it tomorrow. There is a lot on my shoulders right now and I am overwhelmed.
I am also worried about Maxwell. You are too hard on yourself sometimes. I don't know why you think it would fix things if someone were to hit you in the head. I think you just need more love. There are so many people that love you and care about you. I think that you need to be reminded of that more often. You need more hugs. I think you need to go on a walk with me sometime. I am also wondering if you have ever talked to anyone about your depression. I think that might be good for you. I can tell you are depressed but I don't know what is going on in your mind. I'm not saying that you should take medication necessarily but maybe it would help. I know it has helped me a lot so maybe it could do the same for you. Obviously I'm not a doctor but I am concerned about you. I don't want you to be sad or upset about anything. I love you.
I just need to try to relax the rest of the night. My back hurts and I'm having cramps so it's hard to get up right now. I wish I had the motivation to do something. My main goal is to actually eat dinner. I have been avoiding hot food because it upsets my stomach. I am glad I had a boost before I went to work because I didn't have time to eat breakfast. I bought a muffin but I didn't want to stop to eat it. I was also upset that they didn't have blueberry muffins so I had to get a chocolate one. I usually like chocolate muffins but theirs aren't very good in my opinion. I am still going to eat it but I'm not in the mood. I made myself get a small salad at lunch and I was able to eat half of it so that was good because I haven't been eating enough vegetables. I wish I would have been able to finish it but I got too nauseous. I need to eat a lot of smaller meals during the day but that's impossible with my schedule. I will keep trying to eat more.
Anyway, I'm going to put my pajamas on and make some food soon. I need to go to bed earlier than I did last night. I was awake until almost 11. I guess I got more sleep than I did the night before so that helped. It still wasn't enough. I took a muscle relaxer a little while ago so that will help me fall asleep. I need the rest because tomorrow is Thursday. I really hate Thursdays. I might have to stay late because there might not be anyone available to finish up for me. I already know that the lady that works the night shift will be on vacation. I'm not going to worry about it anymore at the moment. I should probably stop rambling now and try to get out of bed. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day than today was.
I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too. 💖💖💖
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Hi, beautiful people! Let's talk about something I've been feeling lately.
I haven't been feeling great for months, and this constant feeling of despair has almost destroyed many beautiful things within me and the people around me. I truly believe in the idea that hurt people hurt people.
There are days when I feel like I'm always a good friend to everyone during their difficult times. But when it comes to me, I always seem to be at the bottom of their priority list. This really made me question the love I had for them. I'm going through a phase where my life has been turned upside down. Just like everyone else, I also wanted someone to hug me and be there for me emotionally and physically. My needs felt like they were extraordinary, so I started pushing them aside and convinced myself that I'm okay with being alone again.
As a result, I've had significant fights with my friends and loved ones. That's what adulting does to you—the inconsistency of love and support from people can drive you crazy. It's been one of the major triggers in my life. Lately, this adulting has reduced me to tears on the floor. Growing up, paying bills, going to college, dealing with family, fitting into this messed-up generation of traumatized adults, and constantly contemplating career changes—it's not easy.
And yes, I did feel lonely. I felt like the ten-year-old me, crying in the school parking lot, wondering why I didn't have any friends. I felt inadequate once again, believing that my needs were too much. I also felt that love wasn't fixing me or making me a better person. It brought back so many flashbacks.
It's not that I don't have friends and people around me, but we're all caught up in our own adulting struggles, making it hard to find time for each other. And here I am, not knowing whom to blame—adulting, the people I love, or myself.
While experiencing all these emotions, I realized how empty I felt every single day, like an empty can in the dustbin. An empty vessel makes the loudest noise, yet people were fooled by my noise, thinking that I was the happiest and doing great in my life. But the truth is, I wasn't doing well emotionally and physically. With my deteriorating health, my body and mind felt like they were on battery saver mode.
I did everything I could to conceal my sadness and loneliness. I turned to drinking, painted my face, dressed up, and slept as much as I could, avoiding sitting with these unfamiliar emotions or crying myself to sleep.
It's strange that as a grown-ass adult, I can go on stage, pick up a microphone, and talk confidently, but I can't sit with my own feelings and be gentle with myself. These days, I couldn't even recognize what I was feeling, and speaking about it or sharing it with someone felt like an impossible task. Every day felt like a battlefield where I was constantly failing, and I labeled myself a fucking loser. The eternal shame of not doing well in my life pinches me so much that I still don't know how to overcome it. There were moments when I wanted to give up on my life because I wasn't excelling in my career, academics, poetry, open mic shows, or work. It brought me to an existential crisis on another level.
But something really helped me these days to cope up, and I really want to appreciate those beautiful people in my life. We don't know each other much; we are just online friends. But Shrawani used to always check on me every single day, even though she had no solutions for my problem. I have never met her, but the way she is sweet and gentle with her words makes me feel really good about myself.
My online friend has been there on nights where I felt like everything was falling apart and I was ready to give up. She believed in me when no one else did. That day, my college random DM made me feel that I have a purpose, and that purpose was to write more and more. It wasn't just an ordinary DM I received that day; it felt like a warm hug from someone who barely even knows me. She is just my college senior and nothing more, but I really appreciate her kind words.A few days back, I remember crying myself to sleep and feeling like I didn't want to wake up the next day and go for an exam. But one of my small business friend made a crochet item for me and sent it along with a heartfelt note. I didn't even remember ordering from her small business, but she also wrote the warmest note for me, emphasizing how my words have the power to move people and provide comfort.On the day I had a minor accident on the bus and experienced intense arm pain, one of my anonymous friend @mastmalangs-blog empathized with my situation and sent me virtual hugs.
It's always these random sweet gestures that fill my empty jar on my bad days. When I am in pain, I tend to push people away, but bestfriend was the one who held onto me. She didn't let me believe in the thought I always had, that "people always leave when you're hard to love during your bad days." She loved me during the most terrible days of my life, even though I spewed a lot of hate from my mouth like a venomous snake. She made me believe in the thought that "even though life gives me two choices, to either leave you or love you, I chose to love you." We both know that we don't love each other completely, and we don't hate each other completely. But at the end of the day, we both choose to love each other no matter what."
Yes, I don't know if I'm completely okay today, but I am slowly getting there. I'm learning to be gentle with myself, love myself more, and be kind to others even on my bad days. I've realized the importance of not harboring hate towards others and instead asking for help when needed. We never know when our needs will be fulfilled.
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solodrivers · 8 months ago
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Life's been weird recently, It feels like no matter what I do it isn't enough and I'm constantly fighting to stay afloat. I felt like if I followed my dream and got to the point that I always day dreamed about that life would be better and happier. You know, the whole, "if you love your job you wouldn't work another day in your life because it doesn't feel like work". That's what I always thought would be the outcome of becoming a dealership tech but I was wrong. It ruined my love for cars and for the passion that was once there in that boy watching his brothers and his friends work on their cars outside the house. I think I now realize nobody knew exactly what they were doing but just winging it and figuring it out. Work has made working on family, friends and even my own cars a chore, a hassle, a job. I hate that this is how my passion has been dying. I love my job in the sense that I take it for granted getting to work on cars for the past 3 years but it's been hard dealing with the effects of it in the sense of not having a stable income, not having a stable schedule and seeing my baby grow up without me around for the most part. It's rough leaving the house at 7am just to be back at 8pm and she's already in bed asleep. It's tough seeing the world move constantly and feeling like every day is just another battle with life and I can feel my grip loosening. It's been getting harder and harder to find a reason to continue due to the constant feeling of drowning. I finally start to swim through life and another massive wave comes and sinks me again. It's hard being the head of the family and giving someone else reassurance that it'll work out when I, myself, cannot believe that. It's hard trying to motivate someone else when I've lost my own motivation. It's getting rough and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. The opportunities are showing up and there's room to change but I'm scared to make the wrong choice and then absolutely lose it and sink. I'm scared of how unpredictable life is and how I have to be the rock and fortitude of the family and it just weighs a lot on my shoulders when push comes to shove. Sometimes I'm not even sure if we're gonna be able to pay off our bills, let alone buy groceries or diapers or milk. It's hard mentally and emotionally to go through the exact same thing with my kid as my parents did with us growing up and re living the situations again. It's hard to be understanding and supportive when your own world is crashing down, you know? Who do I call when I can't do this anymore?? I guess I just got to figure it out like I've done every single time before. I just can't believe how fast time is moving, a week is starting to feel like a day and a month is starting to feel like a week. I just hope I figure it all out before I run out of time.. fuck man.. I have no clue what I'm gonna do..
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mangodestroyer · 1 year ago
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Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure my store would still be making lots of money if my wage was doubled.
Yes, I am aware that there is a fuck ton of labor that goes into running a clothing store. You have to pay the accountants, marketing team, upper management, truck drivers, customer service representatives, supervisors, and so much more. And sometimes, merchandise gets handled quite a bit. It needs to be kept neat, organized out onto the floor, go through price changes now and then, etc.
Thing is, I, a single employee, work with LOTS of merchandise everyday. Mere penny's worth of my labor goes towards a single unit, if even that. And the raw materials and labor that went into PRODUCING those clothes probably isn't as much as people think. It's pretty obvious these clothing items are being marked up at absurd prices so that you think you're getting a deal when you get a 20% off coupon or whatever.
Also, I wasn't even hired on as a service desk employee. And yet I often find myself working the till during a 4-8 hour shift. This isn't even the busiest time of the year for us, but it's really not uncommon for the place to be bustling with activity. And while working the register, I easily ring up tons of orders that are at least $50. Hell, I often find myself ringing up orders in the $150 to $300 range, with the occasional $500+ purchase. I'm also selling credit cards on top of that, which also earn the company lots of money because of the fact that these cards have a high interest rate and most people wait to pay them off when their bill arrives in the mail/online.
Not only that, but I also fill online orders sometimes. Whether that be through store pickup or through mail.
So I pretty much know how to do almost everything in the store. Aside from supervising and some operations tasks (even if I still help out with trucks and whatnot). I can do all of this fairly efficiently. ESPECIALLY since I've been working here two years. And within an hour, I can easily end up selling so much merchandise, that the money earned just from me alone ends up being far, FAR more than my weekly wage. Just in that hour.
So, yeah. How can you even justify giving the average worker a measly $12.50 an hour? Let alone one who is more experienced and efficient? With the cost of living these days, it just isn't ethical. Rent is insanely high, gas prices have gone up, and food isn't getting any cheaper. If my wage was doubled, I might actually be able to live on my own.
No, shit. Companies are greedy af. This is why I'm happy for the worker strikes and hope they do cause serious damage for the CEOs. The U.S. owns 25% of the world's wealth, so poverty shouldn't even be nearly as much of an issue as it currently is. And no one needs a billion dollars. Give me a break!
I've also become disgusted by how materialistic we are as a culture and try to cut back on frivolous purchases. I mean, I see people come here multiple times a month, buying so much dumb shit for their wardrobes that they really don't need. I once had a girl come in purchasing $400 worth of clothes. Admitting this wasn't the first time she'd done so that month. That she'll have to get a third job to support her shopping addiction when she already works 60 hours a week. Ngl, I kind of wanted to slap some sense into her right there and then. Just why??? She's already so busy, so she probably doesn't have much time to even enjoy the outfits she's wearing. And tbh, I doubt many people are giving it much thought either. And if you don't need to work more than 60 hours a week to survive, why the fuck would you? Wouldn't you rather, idk, pick up a hobby or something? Hang out with some friends? Spend some time out in the sun?
I guess capitalism isn't my thing.
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daddy-bradley · 2 years ago
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(Not my gif!!! Credit to owner!!)
Summary: You and Bradley are having your first fight after your baby is born. How will you both come to a solution and learn to cope through this together?
Warning(s): Angst, cursing, mentions of parental insecurity, depression, anxiety, has a happy ending (Shout out to you hard-working mothers out there)
MESSAGE: (If you are someone who is dealing with depression, anxiety, etc. Please reach out for help. I know it may seem worthless, but I promise you, it'll help.)
A/N: Some songs I listened to for inspiration while writing this piece (Highly suggest you listen as you read!): He Deserves your Love - Sir, Selfish - Future ft. Rihanna, Glimpse of Us - Joji, Serendipity - BTS (Jimin)
"I don't have a say in when I get deployed. I don't know how many times I have to say this." the frustration in Bradley's voice was evident.
You had just been told that he was ordered for deployment and had to be shipped out for two months. Not even three months after your daughter had been born.
"I understand that when you are given orders you can't say no. I'm just upset that I'll be left here alone raising our daughter on my own." You stressed out to him as you tried your best to keep your voice quiet so your daughter would not wake up from her sleep.
"You won't be alone Y/N. You have Penny, your mom, the guys and Pete if you need help with anything. I can't do anything about this, so I don't understand why you're getting so upset." He was trying his best to hold back his frustration. He could feel his anger starting to appear, but he would never dare to lash out at you. At the end of the day you were his wife, and he was not going to mistreat you like that.
"Because you won't be here Bradley!" You finally revealed. The tears started to fall from your eyes, and you had decided to just let all your feelings become evident.
"You'll be gone at a place where I don't know if you'll make it back. Where I don't know if you'll be coming back to me and our daughter..." you hiccupped as you tried your best to calm yourself down.
As he was getting ready to respond to your concerns, you cut him off and proceeded to talk. He needed to know how you felt, or else he would never know what was bother you and make the situation worse later down the line.
"I know that this is your job. I know that this is something you love. But I also know that I cannot raise our daughter alone. I need you Bradley. Our daughter needs you. I don't want to have to face the day where she finally realizes you're not there and asks where you are and if you are coming home. Because I don't know when you will come home. I don't know if you will. You can promise me everything in the world, but at the end of the day, you and I both know that you not coming home is a possibility. And I don't want her to grow up without her father. I-I don't. Not, not like I-I did." the dam finally broke and this time you just let yourself cry, and cry, and cry.
It felt good to finally get this off your chest, it felt good to cry. But what you didn't feel good about was unintentionally making Bradley feel guilty about his career. You would never want him to regret dedicating his life to protecting this country. But, at the very least, he needed to know how you felt.
As you continued to cry with your hands covering your face, Bradley stood there and let your words sink in. He understands what you are feeling. He would never deny that him leaving you every time he had a deployment was hard. But he has a family now, and this time he would be leaving his wife and a child.
He knew that you being on your own without him can be lonely, but he also knew that would be the one taking care of the baby primarily on your own. Waking up multiple times throughout the night to feed and change her diaper, not get enough sleep, make sure to maintain the house, go to work, pay the bills, etc.
He watched you crumble in front of him. Your sadness causing a huge weight to your shoulders.Your gut wrenching sobs that you tried to control to not disturb your daughter. He knew the main reason why you were afraid to be on your own without him. you were afraid that you were going to have another depressive episode again.
After your daughter was born, he noticed after a couple of weeks that you weren't bonding with her as much as he was. The connection was not there. It wasn't until he came home one day to see you in bed, tears streaming, your hands in your hair, throat raw from crying as you curl up into a ball that he truly knew something was wrong.
He did everything he could to get you the help you need. To learn how to cope with your feelings. To build a better connection with your daughter. Overtime, massive improvement was seen and he was so proud of you. Your bond with daughter was now stronger than ever, and now everything she did consumed you.
Taking a step forward, Bradley pulls you into his chest. His arms are so tight around you, to the verge of almost suffocation. But you didn't even notice. Your arms instinctually wrapping around him as you cried in his neck.
"Everything is going to be okay baby." he soothed you as he kept you in his grip. He knew that you needed this, this type of security. It was one of the few things that made you feel safe.
"B-But what if-if it's not Bradley? W-What if I have an-another episode? I-I don't w-want that to-to happen?" you said brokenly as you thought about the past.
Pulling slightly away from you, he puts a finger under your chin to make you look at him. He needed you to listen and understand what he was going to say.
"Listen to me baby. You are strong, a very strong woman and a very good mother. I know you're scared of that happening again, but I know you are stronger than that." he started off as he gently wiped your continuous tears away.
"You gave birth to our daughter, you fought constant battles with your mind that affected your relationship with her, but in the end you won. You fought those demons, and now you are better than ever. " he leaned his forehead down to yours, your noses slightly touching.
"Its normal to feel sad every once in a while, and I know there is a chance that can happen while I'm gone, but you have to believe in yourself that you can overcome those moments and go back to being that strong woman that I know your capable of. Not for me, but for our daughter. Not having you both with me is going to be pure hell, I'm gonna have my moments too. But at the end of the day, I have reason to come home and that's you two. If I can do it, so can you. I believe in you, our daughter believes in you. And most of all, we both love you. You're strong baby, you just have to believe in it. "
And with that he gave you a long and hard kiss to your forehead, while keeping you in his arms. Your tears had stopped the river, but they were still there. You knew he was right. You knew that you could do this, you just had to make yourself believe that you can.
"I am strong." you whispered out as you kept your grip on him.
"You are." he replied back once he pulled away from your forehead.
"I am very strong." you said louder, although your voice was a bit wobbly.
"You are very strong." he praised you. He leaned down to give you a soft kiss in which you embraced whole-heartedly. Although you were still sad that he was leaving, you felt more prepared to look after your daughter when it was time for him to go.
"I'm a very good mother." you said, after the kiss.
"You're a wonderful mother." he said.
"I can do this." you stated firmly. This time, no hesitation, and no hint of stuttering in your voice.
"You can do this."
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pompadourpink · 3 years ago
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Hi! I turned 18 a few months ago. Before my 18th birthday I was a “kid”. They treated me like a one. As soon as I turned 18, I became an “adult”. All of a sudden I was treated like a one. Yesterday no one would listen to me, today they want me to give voice to my words. For them, sometimes I'm a kid, sometimes I'm an adult. For them, sometimes I'm wet behind the ears, sometimes I have to deal with things all by myself. I'm so confused. They have never let me be an adult before. They never prepared me for adulthood. What am I supposed to do? Is what I am saying important or it isn't important because I don't know anything about life yet?
Hello,
Good news: you are absolutely not alone.
Many people here fail their first year of university (myself included) because they go from having to ask permission to go to the bathroom to living by themselves, getting to choose when they wake up and go to bed, being expected to pay rent, bills, deal with roommates, in full charge of their chores, food, laundry, having to save, buy couches, get into relationships, find friends, etc. in two months and all that freedom is so overwhelming that they overheat and have a breakdown. Imposter syndrome is a common consequence of this type of education and I remember feeling like a crook when I got my first jobs after somehow nailing interviews, laughing hysterically after buying my first car, or being dumbfounded when my dad asked me if I thought he should retire or continue working, a few years ago.
Because I didn't feel worthy of any of it.
Everything you feel and think is important - whether people take it seriously or not is another problem. Sometimes you will genuinely not be able to provide a mature answer because there are things you haven't experienced yet, some other times it will just be a case of you being considered too young to use your brain by boomers. And if you are a minority, you'll pay the price too.
Here's some advice:
Don't be afraid to communicate when you're upset, but don't burn bridges. Stay calm even when people don't deserve it. Anger, envy, frustration, bitterness, will not serve you, they'll make you constantly miserable, can ruin your reputation (which cannot be undone) and might have long-term consequences. If someone is attacking you, depending on the situation, ask them very softly what the problem is and how you two can fix it together, or ignore them and walk away if it's a possibility. Bullies get bored when victims don't engage.
Learn how to cook. 100% the most useful skill you can learn.
Read the posts I linked below and spend some time on Youtube, Wikihow, Reddit, etc. to learn about 1/ finances, 2/ nutrition/health, 3/ anything domestic you might need (sewing, grooming, cleaning, meal prepping, etc).
Living with roommates for at least a year or two, while annoying, is a very teaching experience that I would recommend. You need to personally witness how other people live, and treat their interior, bodies, finances, etc.
Start working out regularly so you can die old and healthy.
If someone you know personally makes you feel disrespected, set boundaries immediately. They can't get away with it. Discuss it right away, explain why you think it's unfair, and ask for an apology. If you can't get one or are getting ridiculed, it's evidence that this person is around you for the wrong reasons. When people tell or show you who they really are, believe them the first time.
*
Other posts:
Adulting: stuff you need to buy, I don't know what to do with my life, advice for teenagers, starting over alone, Murphy's law: be proactive or burn, things to start doing when you turn 18, money education 101, invest in yourself, feed yourself well, stop procrastinating, put yourself first, it doesn't only happen to others, grooming 101, pick your battles, the truth about discipline, advice for young women, one day,
Self-dev: becoming an eloquent speaker, making yourself happy, you do you, about priorities, you're better than you think, labels aren't a good idea, overcoming obstacles and fear, confidence over appearance, advice to my 15-year-old self, getting your sense of self back, battling insecurity, dealing with hatred, the importance of gratitude, battling frustration, battling bitterness/entitlement,
Health: battling depression, wanting kids when sick/disabled, why you shouldn't give up, don't be your own bully, coping mechanisms, help I'm overwhelmed, living with mental illness, dealing with anger, dealing with a horrible job, social media isn't real,
Business: moving abroad, career picking, work/life balance, creating a study schedule, you're not their parent, your boss isn't your friend, happiness vs capitalism, careers are messy, language studying, facing injustice, you are not a robot, fear of public speaking, reaching your goals, about teaching, being your own boss,
Relationships: you're not his maid, finding a good partner, making friends, healthy relationships, surviving a breakup, dealing with family, codependency, green and red flags in relationships, healthy boundaries, about age gaps, craving for love, my partner or my dreams?, making friends online, you do look amazing, beauty is meaningless, no need to rush, relationships are everything, surviving being ghosted, dating 101,
More: art isn't meant to be useful, becoming a runner, how to adult 101 (phone calls, job searching, prepping for interviews, to-do lists, etc.), adopting a senior cat.
Love,
Mum
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soyouthinkucanwrite · 3 years ago
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The money thing (part 1/2) - Daniel Ricciardo
It's always the little things, isn't it? The smallest stupidest things make almost no difference and then make all the difference in the world. They make everything special, but they also have the power to tear everything appart.
You and Daniel fight about money for the thousand time and he's had enough of it.
Warnings: super angst, but with a happy ending :)
Guys, this turned out WAY BIGGER than I expected, so I'm just gonna do a part 2, okay? Okay, thanks for understanding!
Song that inspired me: A list by HVOB
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You and Daniel had been dating for a couple months now, having met through a common friend and hitting off almost instantly. You lived in Amsterdam and he, well he lived all over the world really, but his "time off" (meaning not racing) was spent between Monaco and London (for work), and Amsterdam now too, of course.
The changes were small and subtle at the beginning, like your weekends being spent traveling to meet him wherever in the world he was and consequently spending almost all your savings on plane tickets. You never complained to him (you planned on spending the money traveling anyway, so you didn't see the point), but didn't accept when he offered to buy your tickets, either. There's been some awkwardness around the subject but it usually died on its own.
*beginning of flashback*
"You’d have gotten here in time if you'd gotten the early flight like I told you" you remembered him saying that time you got in the paddock after the qualifying session had begun and couldn’t kiss him good luck.
"Baby, I told you. It was crazy expensive! Absurd even!"
"(y/n) for god's sake! What are we saving money for? I told you, you have my credit card number, I've offered to get you one, this is ridiculous, I can't believe I literally earn millions and my girlfriend wasn't there with me because the ticket was too expensive! I'll fucking fly you private if I have to!" he was almost yelling in his driver's room. You could only stare from the corner.
He took a deep breath running his hands through his hair. "Sorry. It's just... it was crap out there. I needed you" you grimaced at his words.
"Sorry. I really am..." you tried to approach him. "I'm here now?" you touched his arm. "It can't have been that bad, you're still on the top 10 and we both know what you can do from the 8th car..." you smiled at him.
*end of flashback*
He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).
He started to spend much more of his time off with you at your place, so you decided to get a place by yourself (having a roommate was great for company and splitting the rent, but having a roommate there while you guys just wanted some much-needed privacy was not working). Then there were more traveling to meet him, furniture for the new place, clothing for all the events (GPs or not), uber rides here and there... all of that without mentioning that you weren't being able to get the freelance jobs you used to get to make some extra money, so yeah, to say things were tight was an understatement. You tried to do all your shopping alone, so he wouldn't offer and you wouldn't refuse or be awkward about it, but Daniel seem to be glued to you whenever you were in the same city (not that you’re complaining).
The thing is, you always had trouble dealing with money. Sure, you liked to pay for your own stuff so as to not owe anything to anyone (especially boys), but it was so much deeper than that. Ever since a kid, you hated asking for money from your parents, and sometimes even the thought of buying stuff that was a bit more expensive made you sick. You couldn't explain why, you just felt guilty having so much and knowing that most people have never even seen that amount. It's not that you didn't want to spend it and save for the sake of it, you just didn't handle the idea of money very well. Needless to say, dating a millionnaire was bound to cause trouble in the relationship for you.
You were currently at his place in Monaco. It was the summer break and you had decided to spend some days just chilling at home, just the two of you - which you were glad since going out means hair, makeup, clothes, accessories, shoes... and, let's be honest, the kind of places he usually took you is not the kind of places you just throw something together last minute (the Instagram models and other driver's girlfriends looking you up and down were enough to make you think about spending money you did not have to hire a stylist or something like that). The whole situation was really stressing you out and you knew you would have to be honest with him eventually, instead of only dodging the subject and refusing most of his offers to pay. You tried to. You kind of tried. You suggested staying at home, in bed, most of the time, and he gladly agreed, but that strategy wasn't gonna work forever. You had to be honest with him. But at the same time, you knew what he was going to say and do, and the thought of him spending money on you, even if just by handling the restaurant bill, wasn't something you were much more comfortable with. Besides, it was only a matter of time before the "gold-digger" term starts to fly around in the small world that was the F1's.
You were laying on his couch, the Olympics playing on the TV but you were too busy overthinking the money thing to pay attention. Daniel was laying with his head on your lap, absently caressing your thigh and watching the TV. His phone went off and he moved to pick it up.
"Hello?" you watched as he answered the phone. "Hey mate, how's it going? Uh nothing, we're just chilling at home. Getting some rest... Yeah, I'm getting rested, you dirty-minded son of a bitch" you rolled your eyes while he laughed out loud on the line with someone. "Yeah, I know... the 19th is it? No, it's fine. Yeah, yeah. I'll be there. Alright, mate. Thanks for calling. Have a good one! Bye!" he hanged up and leaned in to peck you on the lips.
"Good news?" you asked him.
"Not really. Just wanted to kiss you" he shrugged, smiling. You smiled back and hugged him, pulling him in for another kiss. He was always so caring with you, always finding an excuse to kiss or touch you. You knew some people didn't like it, but you loved it. Physical touch was definitely one of your love languages.
"What's happening on the 19th then?" you asked him once you guys set apart from the kiss.
"Gotta be in London. Gonna run some testings and other boring race stuff..."
"Hum..." you hummed in understanding.
"You know what would make it less boring though?" he asked and you just looked at him, you already knew what he was going to ask you and it wasn't that you didn't want to spend every minute of the day with him, but you simply couldn't afford any more traveling, especially not in such short notice. "If you came with me. Huh? What do you say? A week in the Queen's land? Then we can fly together to Spa and after the race, I can go with you to Amsterdam. The next one it's the Dutch GP anyway, I'll just get there sooner" he laughed. It was crushing you, the man of your dreams was literally beaming at making plans with you, talking about spending the next few weeks glued together and you couldn't say yes.
"Dan, I have to work" you smiled sadly.
"Can't you work from distance? Or, I don't know, I mean... I know it's tiring, but you could come to London and fly home a bit early, then just meet me in Belgium?" great, his solution includes even more flying. And the thing is, you really didn't mind the flying. You always slept during the whole thing anyway, so you never got tired and the jetlag was minimal. You could work from distance, sure. Your boss wouldn't mind, as long as you got there eventually to check in on everything. But the whole logistics were just too expensive. There was no way you could afford it.
"I... sorry, I don't think I can" you said sadly and watched as his face dropped.
"That's fine, baby. I get it. I'm asking too much, all this traveling... don't worry about it" he tried to mask his emotions but you knew better. He knew you could in fact work from distance, so he was probably thinking the reason you couldn't do it was because you didn't want to.
He got up from the couch and walked into the kitchen. Meanwhile, you couldn't help but bury your face in your palms. This was so frustrating!
"You wanna go for a run or something? Maybe get something to eat?" he called from the kitchen, already moving on from the subject. You knew this whole thing was only gonna keep build up till he got tired of your excuses or you blowing up, probably the former, but you just keep going.
"Yeah, sure" you answered, getting up from the couch.
You and Daniel were both very active so going for a run, hiking, riding bikes, or whatever in the middle of the day was really routine for you. The Monaco summer weather was as beautiful as always and the sun was shining bright. You enjoyed the rest of your afternoon racing each other, kissing in the harbor, and just taking in the views, spending quality time together. Money wasn't even a thing in your bubble for a while.
"I'm getting hungry" he said on the way back home.
"Me too, and I'm super hot. I could go for a juice or something right now" you were all sweaty from the running, but you didn't care, he was too.
"You're always hot baby, I don't think juice gonna help with that" he grinned at you and you just rolled your eyes at him.
You passed by one of his favorite spots for food, nearby his place and he suggested getting some take-out, to which you agreed.
"Green juice, and a chicken wrap?" you tried to decide while the both of you waited in line.
"I'll never understand how you drink that"
"I've seen you drink that too, it's actually very refreshing"
"Because I'm forced to, I'm a high-performance athlete baby. But I'm on a break, so I'll have a coke, thank you very much" you laughed at him. He was holding your hand and tried to kiss you, wrapping his arm around you, you didn't dodge his kiss, you would never, but still laughed at the fact he wanted to kiss the sweaty mess you were right now.
"I'm gross, only you" you laughed.
"That's my baby, with no makeup she a ten" he rapped shrugging and grinning.
"Alright Lil Wayne, I know that one, don't even finish the verse" you laughed at him, making him laugh out loud, getting everyone's in the restaurant's attention.
"It's true, though"
"Sure..." You just shook your head smiling. Then you heard someone call his name.
"Hey! Daniel!" you both turned around to see Charles and Charlotte sitting in a corner, him waving at you two. You had met Charles a couple of times before but never spoke too much to him. They seemed to be leaving anyway, so they walked towards you guys, instead of towards the door.
"Hey mate, how's it going?" Daniel greeted him with a handshake. "Hey, Charlotte! You know (y/n) yet?"
"Hi! I don't think so, hi! How are you?" she greeted you smiling.
"Hi! Nice to meet you. Hi, Charles!" you said.
"Hey, (y/n). You're keeping him in line during the break? Char won't let me cheat my diet either" he laughed.
"Oh, that ship has sailed long ago! Daniel will just roll into the paddock if it's up to him" you laughed back.
"Hey! I think I've earned the right to some extra calories, we've been working out extra hard lately" Daniel said waving his eyebrows suggestively, making Charlotte giggle, Charles rolls his eyes and you go even redder than you were from the actual workout, while he just laughed out loud.
"I don't even want to know" Charles said. "Always great running into you mate" he was getting ready to say goodbye.
"Are we seeing you guys tomorrow?" Charlotte asked you.
"Tomorrow?" you asked her.
"Stefano's birthday" she said like it was obvious. Stefano Domenicali was the President and CEO of Formula 1, but you didn't know that yet - still, her tone made it seems like it was someone Daniel knew, so you just looked at him. He just rubbed his neck, looking a little embarrassed. "Oh, wait. Please tell me I didn't just said something I shouldn't" she looked at Charles.
"No, no. He invited me. Us, actually" Daniel reassured her. "I don't think we're going though, forgot to mention to you" he said looking at you.
"Uh mate, I wouldn't skip that if I were you. He didn't even invite all the drivers I heard" Charles said. "Maybe just stop by to say hello?"
"Stop by... a yacht... at the sea?" Charlotte said grinning at him. Daniel looked at you.
"You feel like going? It should be fun" he asked you.
"Sounds fancy... I mean, I don't mind if you go" you said.
"Common... I’m not going alone" he nudged you.
"I don't even have anything to wear, Dan" you told him.
"Oh! We can go shopping together!" Charlotte said and you had almost forgotten they were still there.
"Perfect!" Daniel answered for you. You could only imagine the types of stores she shopped.
"Tomorrow morning, then? Daniel can text your address to Charles for me? I'll pick you up!" she was being really nice about it.
"I thought you wanted to go today?" Charles said.
"That's when I thought I would have to go shopping with you, so I could use the extra time since you're the worst shopping partner ever!" she laughed at him.
"Burn!" Daniel laughed.
"His fashion taste is not the most reliable, let's face it" she laughed and kissed his cheek. "It's a date then (y/n)?" she looked expectantly at you. You didn't want to let her down, it was so hard to make friends with the girlfriends of other drivers, they were usually so... not nice. You could always just help her and find something to wear in your own stuff later.
"Yeah, sure! See you tomorrow, at 10?" you said simply.
"Perfect!" she beamed.
>>> end of part 1 <<<
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ofpineapplesanddawns · 3 years ago
Note
Could you do something in which Alec and Bill are already married when Alec comes to Broadchurch?
Huh, interesting concept.
Sure, I can write a little ficlet up with this.
On with the fic!
--
"Have you arrived?" Hardy asked as soon as he put his phone to his ear.
"And hello to you as well, Alec." Came the amused tone of his husband, clearly used to how Hardy did things. "But yes, I just arrived at the airport. Betty will be coming to pick me up, she's stuck in traffic."
"You Americans and your traffic." Hardy said, amused but tired as he sat himself down on the hotel bed he would be sleeping in for... an untold amount of time. He'd also be sleeping in it alone, and that made it seem worse for him.
"Did you get to the town just fine?" Bill asked.
"Just arrived about twenty minutes ago, took a bit to get the manager to understand that I'm here with police station paying for the time."
"I'm guessing this is new for her then."
"Probably, it's... a very small place." Hardy sighed, laying back against the bed. The town of Broadchurch was small from what he saw through the cab's windows, but the bed was too big, too lonely. "I don't know if this is the right job, it seems too... beneath me, in a sense, you know?"
It was a transfer, one that Hardy had put in for, to make up for what happened years ago, in his old city, just two months before Bill entered his life when Hardy went back up to Scotland.
They'd been married for nearly six months now, but just as Hardy put in the transfer, for penance, he said, Bill was called back to his old place of business in the states. He was needed for a paper he was working on, even though they both thought he could handle it at home here.
Still, Bill would be back to Scotland in time, but Hardy had no idea when he'd return. There was talk of moving, if Hardy kept the job, but he had a feeling that wouldn't be the case.
A place like this? The worst that was here was probably theft or a bit of drug dealing, nothing too big.
It's not like a murder was ever going to happen. Broadchurch was the sort of town where everyone knew each other, you'd have to be the worst sort of scum to kill someone and think you could get away with it.
"How was the train ride?" Bill asked. "I'm sure it was shitty, from the text you sent me."
"Long, boring, and someone had a cough and refused to do anything about it." Hardy scoffed. "And your flight?"
"Hot, cramped, and the guy next to me wouldn't stop chewing with his mouth open. About punched him right in the jaw when he spat on me while he was talking."
"Disgusting." Hardy chuckled. "I should let you go, Betty's probably almost there and it's late here, I have to be at the station by half six to get an early start."
"Miserable." Bill replied. "Take care of yourself, Alec, and remember to keep your medication with you, I'm not there to keep an eye on you."
"Wish you were here, would make this go a lot better for me."
"I know, but it's only for a bit here, and probably not long for you there. I'm sure you'll be back home in a month."
Hardy nodded, though Bill didn't see it. "This bed is a king, I don't want to be in it without you."
There was a soft sigh. "I know that'll be the same thing for me when I get my hotel. But it's just for a bit, we'll be home in due time. We'll talk every day, if that helps."
"It should, it'll be the highlight of my day, cause I'm sure nothing will happen while I'm here. Don't see why they even need a DI anyway."
"Because all towns should, and because you're the best so you'll do fine."
Hardy felt a smile come to him at that. "Sap."
"I know. Oh, there she is. Best I go, I'll call you later, alright? I love you."
"Yeah, I love you too, Masters." Hardy hung up and set his phone on the bed with him, looking up at the ceiling, then to the framed photo above the bed. It looked to be of cliffs at a beach, oddly familiar, in a sense, but he might have seen something like them before in a movie or something.
He closed his eyes and sat up, best to get ready for bed, he had a big day ahead of him in this stupid, boring little town.
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cheelduh · 4 years ago
Text
How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)
Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!
Pairing: Childe x fem!reader
Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.
Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not. 
Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH
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For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.
Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.
Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.
Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.
You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.
Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"
A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"
"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."
Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.
The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"
Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.
You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.
Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.
The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.
Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.
"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."
Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.
"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.
"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"
Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.
You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.
Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"
"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."
She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.
"What do you want?"
You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."
Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"
How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.
"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."
Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.
Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"
You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.
Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."
He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.
Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."
"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."
She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.
"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."
You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.
"Oh, I will be."
Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.
He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.
Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.
"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.
"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.
"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"
Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."
"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.
"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.
"Ok—ok I'm sorry."
There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.
"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.
Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.
Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.
However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.
"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.
The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.
"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.
"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.
The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.
"There's this rumour going around��I'm sure you've heard..."
"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.
"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."
"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."
"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.
"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."
"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.
The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."
Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."
"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."
"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.
"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.
Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."
"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."
"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."
"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"
As favorable as the proposal is, Childe  contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.
His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.
"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.
Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.
Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.
Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.
"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"
He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.
Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.
It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.
From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.
"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.
"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.
"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"
The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.
Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.
"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."
"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.
"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."
The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.
"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.
Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.
Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"
"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."
He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.
As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.
"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."
Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.
You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.
Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?
"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.
Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"
"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.
He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.
Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.
You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."
"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"
"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."
"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"
It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.
"Yeah...something like that."
The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.
"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."
"And the son of a bitch did it?"
"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"
You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."
"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"
Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.
Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.
Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.
"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.
"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.
You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.
"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."
"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."
Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.
Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.
"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.
With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.
"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.
A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"
"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.
Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.
There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.
If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.
You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.
Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"
"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.
"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.
Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.
"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."
"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.
Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.
Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.
Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.
"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."
"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."
A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."
"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.
Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.
His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"
You lock and aim for his right kidney.
Worth a try, Childe thinks.
"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.
Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.
It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.
"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.
Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.
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katsukikitten · 4 years ago
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Part one, no real warnings yet. Enjoy!
Bakugou's personal phone rings from the pocket of his hero costume for the umpteenth causing his skin to pop. All the while Kirishima allows his ruby gaze to fall over the hot head, having a good guess about just who is blowing up his phone. Worry snatches at Kirishima's heart for a moment forcing the question from his lips, even if it meant regretting it. 
"Are you sure your mom is okay?" Bakugou freezes in his step, inclining his head to fix a garnet glare at his so called friend. He sucks in a breath to yell, body tense and in a fighting stance before his phone blares again.
"FUCK!" He shouts into the night with only Kirishima and the moon to hear. The trees swallow his frustration as he rips his phone from his pocket, answering it so harshly the LCD beneath the screen ruptures. 
"What?! What the fuck do you want you God Damn hag?! I'm WORKING! Saving LIVES!" It had been a long time since he had called his mother hag, long enough there was silence on the other line for a moment. 
Then much like her son she takes a deep breath and now Kirishima, the moon and the trees know why Mitsuki was calling at such a late hour. Kirishima sighs with relief nothing is so dire as life and death, although for Mitsuki it is. 
"IF YOU DON'T BRING THIS GHOST OF A GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS I SWEAR TO KAMISAMI THERE WILL BE NO MORE NUMBER ONE HERO WHEN IM THROUGH WITH YOU. IM GETTING OLD I NEED FUCKING GRANDKIDS. THINK OF YOUR SWEET OLD FATHER HE AIN'T GETTING ANY FUCKING YOUNGER!" 
"That's what this was about?! Ma for the last fucking time I don't-" 
"You don't what? One of those hoes you sleep with has to like even your rude ass. Bring a decent one home." And with that Bakugou is left with the sound of three tones and a ringing in his ear. He grips the bridge of his nose, having no earthly idea of how to get his mother off of his back, let alone find a woman. The phone rings in his hand again, the screen filled with dead pixels and rainbow lines causing him hot to be able to see. Somehow it registers his touch as he goes from memory to answer. 
"What you fucking hag?!" He screams into the receiver. 
"Wow. Rude." You reply with a bite, "Just calling to tell you boss that I'm clocking out, dickhead." 
"I-I thought you were my mom." 
"Oh and that makes it better?" What an ass! 
"Fuck you." He growls, looking at Kirishima's watch, "You're clocking out way too early." 
"No, fuck you. I requested to be off by this time MONTHS ago. You can ask Eijirou-san, you approved it so he made the schedule accordingly." You quip, twirling one of your knives in your hands, "Besides I've been working waaay too long today. Oh and I found that perp hours ago." 
"What the fuck?! Why didn't you tell me hours ago?" 
"I fucking tried, you ignored my call. This was my third attempt." You slam the knife through the paperwork on your desk wishing it were the hot head's thigh. You rise as your eyes glance over the clock. If you didn't hurry this stupid phone call up, you were going to be late. You needed to sneak in before midnight. 
"Still too early for you. Normally you want the OT." He bites, causing you to roll your eyes. 
Gods you hated this guy. 
"Yea, well tonight is different." You'd pay in the long run for leaving so soon but tonight was special. She asked you to be there the last time you saw her and you promised. 
You never break a fucking promise. 
"Some subordinate you are bitch face." He growls then an idea pops into his head. 
Subordinate. 
As in you reported to him, as in Bakugou Katsuki was your boss. And well you had to listen to your boss to some extent and he knew you needed money, you tell him day in and day out it's the only  reason you would even dream to work with him. 
Although he has no idea why you are so hard out for cash. 
So he sets the bait, offering you a deal you can't refuse. 
"Tomorrow is your planned day off right?" 
"Yea what fucking of it?!" 
"I've got a special mission for you-" 
"No." You interrupt, already feeling the exhaustion of your seventy hour work week stacking up. 
"You didn't even let me finish you ungrateful brat. It will be three times your pay for half a day's work. Cold hard cash." The other side of the line goes silent. Licking your lips you think over his offer, fuck, that would actually help get your head above water. 
The light at the end of the tunnel. 
If only you knew how dark this tunnel was going to be. 
"Fine. I'll take your stupid fucking offer." 
"Promise?" His voice sounds a bit different, a little bit of a tease to it, as if he knows something you don't. 
"What are we in kindergarten. Yea I promise, fucking headass." With that you hang up, rushing down the steps of the agency building and into the cold air. 
Your phone buzzes with a text 
BakaBoss: Meet me at the agency, 11am sharp.
You roll your eyes, turning your phone to silent as you watch the nightly set of nurses do their normal routine. Barely making it in time for the security guard and head nurse to make their way outside by the one way back door for a smoke. Both too lazy to walk around to the front of the hospital, sticking a thin splintering wood block between the jam and the door, giving you easy access to the stairwell. When they were far enough away you slip into the door, sure to place the wood where they left it before climbing the stairs two at a time, racing the clock at the top half of the 11th hour. The janitor would have already mopped her floor and the only nurse on floor six was currently on the ground level half way through the small tobacco stick, she wouldn't be sticking her head into room 609 anytime soon. 
You draw in a deep breath, collecting yourself and forcing back the tears as you picked the lock, a skill set that not only were you amazing at but the very same skill that landed you here. 
And by here you mean stupid ass hero work all thanks to some "reforming" program by Izuku Miydoria. Still it was better than having to break out of jail in order to make cash, her bills weren't going to pay themself. 
You stick a stolen credit card in between the door jab and the door, right at the locking mechanism, although you could break out of just about anywhere, this would be the faster method of escape. 
"Hey, sis, I made it!" You say softly but with excitement, watching as she keeps her back to you. Her eyes wide from a mixed cocktail of chemicals and trauma, she stares out into the sky, counting the stars. 
It would be one of those nights where she was too warped to tell you were there. With a sigh you sink onto her mattress. If you could even fucking call it that. It was more like a box spring with a fitted sheet over top of it, you were still figuring out how you could sneak a mattress in. 
"I got you something." You say crawling to sit next to her cross legged, she turns to you and it's like looking in a mirror. Except one of you is covered in visible scars and the other is not. Hers are more than skin deep. Seeing her dull gaze never gets any easier, she stares through you for a long time before she does as she always does. 
Lifting her hand gently to cup your cheek so her thumb can slide over your scar. 
"How'd you get this?" Her voice is barely hers and it grabs a fist full of your guts pulling them downward. Everytime she asks that question you see the shine of a blade, a swipe of a strong hand and vision filled with blood.
Yours, there's but never hers. You like to tell yourself that's what counts but maybe you had a hand in breaking her. 
You clear your throat, pulling a bag onto your lap. 
"Nevermind that." You gently guide her hand away from your cheek and to her lap. When she makes no motion for the gift bag you force a smile as icy guilt collects in your chest. 
"It's for our birthday silly! Can you believe we are 26 today?" You place the pillow on her lap and her hands slowly go to the plush material. 
For a moment she has returned, flashing you a smile as she pushing into the soft material before she flickers out again. Like a light with just enough current to wink in and out of existence. 
Time passes and the clock strikes midnight, white clad shoes stomp against the polished floor signaling it was time to leave. 
"I'll try to see you soon okay?" You lean over kissing her hairline before grabbing at the old, flat pillow. Shoving it into the gift bag as you silently bound the room. Pushing the door open slightly as you slip the stolen card into the back pocket of your black jeans.  With that you are down the hall and through the backdoor without raising any sort of alarm as usual. 
Suddenly your phone weighs heavy in your pocket as you think of what kind of stupid errand that asshole was going to put you on. The stolen card sings in your pocket, begging to be used. So you slip into a bar to give it a good use. 
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
A blaring alarm yanks you from the bed in a sweating panic. Knife instinctively slashing the air before you send the blade into yet another digital alarm clock. Falling back into the mattress for just a moment's peace.
That peace doesn't last long once you show up at the agency. If anything is sours as you see Bakugou leaning against the bright white brick and in civilian clothes no less. 
"What's this?" You pick at his black dress shirt, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showcasing his banded forearms.  He's paired it with a pair of black jeans, one knee ripped. Oddly it looks good together. Not overly dressed nor too dressed down. His vermilion eyes glide over your figure in your black body con hero suit. He sucks his teeth, hating this next part. 
"Called clothes dumbass. Speaking of we need to get you something fitting."
"For what? What exactly is this 'mission'?" 
"I'll debrief you later. Right now we need to get you new clothes." You laugh in his face before your rich expression turns deadly 
"With what money?" 
"Calm down, it's my treat Princess." He says with satire, the name sits odd on his tongue and even more odd in your stomach. He snatches at your wrist, "Come on before the stores get crowded and we get noticed." 
You find yourself in a shop filled with dresses and fancy blouses. All of which you hate. Bakugou seems to hate them too, too guady for his taste. Still he shifts through the soft silks because he knows his mother will love it. 
"Oi, you can't find a single decent thing here? I thought women loved shopping." 
"Yea for shit we like asshole." You hiss to him, having only found a pair of dark blue jean's. 
"Heh." He scoffs, rolling his eyes until he finds the perfect top. It looks decent and it could be your style. The one thing he learned about being undercover was to not stray too far from what looked natural or from the truth. 
"Put this on. While I find a necklace." He shoves the silky top into your hands and you look at the price tag. Suddenly anxiety burns in the soles of your feet soaring up to close your throat. 
"Bakugou. This is too much." Katsuki stops to glance over his shoulder, this is the first time you've used his name since he hired you three years ago. He sees your hand gripping at your bicep and he watches the rare tell sign that you're nervous as you chew on one of the scars that creeps onto your lip. He comes up to you, closer than he ever has been before, your senses flood with spiced caramel. 
"Oi." His voice is smooth, almost soft as he touches a ringed index finger to your forearm. You fixate on the shining black ring and your old habits have you thinking of six different ways to get it off of his finger. The thought soothes you as much as his voice surprisingly does. 
"I said I'm buying, remember you brat?" The teasing returns back to his voice before it turns gruff, "Now go change to make sure I like it. I'll be back in a second." 
A woman unlocks a small dressing room for you and once inside you hold your breath. Counting as you remind yourself that you cannot and will not steal anything of value while your boss was here. 
If you were any other person you would tap this Prohero's account dry, really rack up that platinum card you know sat in his wallet and sell the clothes marked up for a profit later. 
But even as much as you hated Bakugou, you couldn't bring yourself to do it. 
Instead you slip into the the outfit adjusting yourself this way in that as the neckline says enough without saying too much. The jeans curving against your figure in such a way doing as good as a job as your hero suit. You keep your steel toed boots as you step into the small hall with the three mirrors. As you turn this way and that Bakugou appears behind you, almost earning a knife to his gut. He forces the silver blade away before pulling out a necklace from a bag he just bought.  The gold chain is dainty, going through the top of the garnet making it seen as if it were a suspended droplet of blood. 
It marches the eyes that roll over you as he takes a step back before his harsh mouth breathes out a word. 
"Fuck."
Instantly it kills your mood as your lip pulls back over sharp teeth.
"Tsk. It's not that bad, God how do you get any pussy." You grumble, smoothing down the black blouse. 
"No, dumbass. You look...you look perfect." He stares into your eyes through the mirror, his smile growing wider as they wander over your scars and finally land onto that minimalistic drop pendant necklace. 
Over something you've never been able to have, something you always had to swipe from an unsuspecting neck and then pawn. 
"Now. I'm going to tell you here, in this store of crowded people so you don't cause a scene." 
"What?!" Anger already begins to bubble in your blood. The blades that kiss your flesh start to scream for relief. 
"From now on you have to pretend to be my girlfriend. Paparazzi are starting to swarm outside of this fucking boutique and my mom follows this particular trash tabloid since they love to use me as click bait. You just have to make it through dinner tonight and if shit goes south I'll pay you even more." 
393 notes · View notes
sly-merlin · 4 years ago
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KILLING ME - 12 |n.y
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pairing : law student!reader + yuta
genre :    angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.
warnings of this chapter : mentions of blood and brutality. For future chapters, major character death(s).
words : 
summary : “life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  
or              
“  curiousity got the cat hitched”
K.M masterlist
A/n : this was supposed to be a longer chapter. The Tumblr was bring problematic since three days. This is not how the chapter was supposed to end but i couldn't post anything longer than this so i had to make changes to end it on a surprise tone like other chapters. I hope you still enjoy it.
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Was he asking for too much?
His unsteady hand rose and fell, internal monologue stopping him from knocking on the door. Johnny wasn't sure how he even ended up outside taeyong's door. One second he was fighting with his thoughts and the next second he found himself jumping out of his car, almost ready to confront the person behind the door. 
He took a deep breath and was about to drum the wood when the door opened from inside, taeyong's sleepy figure greeting him instantly.
"John. Why are you here so late? Do you need something?"  from red pressed strikes on taeyong’s face, anyone would have guessed that he had been sleeping.
“Johnny! I’m talking to you.” he waved his hand in front of johnny’s distracted eyes.
“Huh” 
“Do you want something?”
“y/n.”
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Your life was back on the wagon. Not truly but with a few exceptions here and there, it certainly felt like the old days. You were in chois on weekdays and took tuitions on the weekends. You met your friends while visiting the library and everything felt quite normal. Even with a few oddities, that being the five day training sessions with Jungwoo, some new people in your life, a residence that you felt happy coming back to, absence of someone that you’d never grown a liking for, everything was smooth. Just like before. The only thing you missed was some time. Time for yourself. Though you lived alone, which was a luxury nearing its end, you barely got a few minutes alone with your mind and that was something you craved more than the drink shoved in your hand at the moment. 
You loved your friends, without any doubt, but they lived with the bad habit of disregarding your feelings, feelings that said you would be anywhere but the restaurant you were sitting in. 
“y/n is going into hibernation again.” minjun’s voice broke your trance.
“What did you say?" You challenged him but he cowered in his seat and turned his focus on the soggy french fries instead. When he silenced, yugyeom spoke up, 
“Yo y/n. Don’t scare the child. Just drink away your sorrows. The wine is quite expensive here. If you are making me pay then at least make it worth it."
Suddenly, Jungkook's loud snorting caught everyone's attention as they all quietened, waiting for him to reveal the reasons for his action. Swirling his burgundy glass, he chugged the last bit of the drink before leaning backwards in his chair, relaxing himself.
"Now what's the drama with You" Yeong grumbled, clearly intoxicated. 
"She's already hammered" minjun giggled. 
"When are you going to invite us to your house y/n?" Jungkook chimed in, a smirk plastered on his blushed face. 
"Oh yes. Ms. Lawyer no more l-lives i-in the d-dorms." Yeong hiccupped, losing the grip on the bottle of soju. Yugyeom chuckled at her antics before snatching the bottle away to avoid any fuss.
"I also meant to ask you but you are never available for more than an hour or so. Are you doing alright" gyeom shifted his chair towards you while keeping a hand on his girlfriend's back.
You didn't know how to reply or what to trump up so they'd stop pestering you. However, you had no other choice than to continue with the streak you had started a few months ago.
"Of course i want to have you there but my roommate is very, how to explain, very bitchy. He got this corporate job and he-he works from home so I'm supposed to pretend like I do not exist and keep quiet. That includes no outsiders as well. It's gonna be like this for a few months i guess"
You mumbled the last part.
 You averted your eyes but didn't mean you could've escaped their intense judgemental gaze. You repeated the whole lie that you recited to arrange it in the box of deceit that you were filling since the commencement of these stories. Forgetting any of these would mean shattering their trust. And that was exactly what you were supposed to protect.
Once reiterated, you gathered how foolish the sentence was. Had it been said to you, there wasn't a chance of putting your belief in it. But your company was drunk enough to believe it; two of them were enough to carry the whole table.
"Wow. How horrible of him. We should take y/n with us yugy. She'd be happy and she can invite anyone." Yeong low-key let out a little drunk growl to press her point. 
Yugyeom cooed at her before replying,
"And where will you live? Our apartment has only two rooms and both are occupied. Where do you plan to settle down instead?"
His question made her think harder than she ever had in life as she picked at her jutted out lower lip. 
"Laundry room. You and me, will live in the laundry room because y/n needs a nice home."
"I already have a nice home yeongie." You took the opportunity, got up and reached out to pinch her cheeks, "but you won't know unless you are sober. Take her home, yugy. I'm also sleepy so I'll get going. See you on Tuesday." 
" It's already 11. Let me drop you home." Jungkook suggested, startling you.
"No It-
"Yeah you drop her. I'll take Yeong and minjun home but help me in carrying their asses to the car please." Yugyeom pleaded. He left the bills on the table and took Yeong in his arms. You expected jungkook to do the same but he passed minjun your shoulders instead,
"Wait for me outside. I have to call someone first." and he walked away, his lover grinning on your shoulder like it was the funniest thing in the world but you were fine as long as their drunken state saved you from some heavy confrontation. The only person left was jungkook and you had the perfect idea to dodge him as well. 
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"So the same place or are you staying in the dorms this weekend?" He asked, driving out of the busy street.
"Just drop me at the nearest bus station. I'll ta-
"Nakamoto residence or the dorms y/n" you almost choked on the air as the word left his lips. Taking a bus home had seemed like the perfect plan but you had overvalued your common sense. Again.
"What are you talking about?" With hesitation evident in your voice, you muttered.
"Do you really think you'd go to a random house in front of me that I know nothing about and you'd be left alone without questions. I was there until the door was opened by someone. You really thought I'd have left you with a stranger. But i knew something was fishy when the receptionist told me that it's a home sweet home of Mr and Mrs nakamoto. Now spill before I get yugyeom to ask in his own way." He shifted the gears in frustration, your relaxed persona bothering him to no end. Getting jungkook wokred up wasn't a grunt work. He was like a matchstick, always ready to be ignited by any possible frictional surface. 
"It's not what you are thin-
"Don't lie please," he started, words dangerously polite, "If he's your boyfriend then there's no need to hide y/n. We would always be there to support you. When, how, why, i don't want you to feel pressured to answer me. Just because you go around with no commitment tag doesn't mean we'd judge you if you ever got in a relationship. We love you. Make us part of your life like we do. Can't we just expect that much." 
You gulped at how disappointed he sounded. He was right. You needed to include them in your life adventures but how were you supposed to explain him the riots you were dealing with. How were you supposed to spill everything without him getting his sword out. That would only lead to more troubles than you had the power to deal with. Trouble for you, him and for everyone who'd be passed that secrecy. 
So you begged, for some more time until you'd be more than comfortable to let all of them into your present life. 
Like every other word, this was also a lie that, in the first place,  you never chose to proceed with. 
He might have give in to you, but you knew eventually you'd have to muster up the courage to answer him and that day would decide another turn of your future. 
And you would make sure, inter alia, to shift the wheels in a more likeable direction.
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“Use your fists!” 
Jungwoo’s grip was strong. His one arm was holding your waist and the other was around your neck. It was painful but you knew he wasn’t going to let go easily this time. This was the third consecutive scuffle or demo fight with him within the span of the last forty five minutes and having lost the last two, awfully at that, expectation of some mercy was not very demanding on your part. But only if he would grant that! You heard his chuckle as you wriggled in his hold. He was clearly having a lot more fun than you were. There was no way you could’ve applied renjun and hyuck’s advice but you still tried to follow their vague instructions.
“Bit his arm and turn.”
“No, don’t. Turn around and hit his torso with your knees.” 
Bit him?
Halting your movements, a low grunt left your lips as you lowered your body and pressed your teeth on his flesh. He screeched and immediately retracted his arm. Taking advantage of his loosened grip on your waist, you whirled around and raised your knee to strike at his upper body. In an instant, your hands fell on your knees and you inhaled a harsh breath, regaining your strength. Jungwoo, on the other hand, was curled up on the floor like a baby. You wanted to laugh at him but the more astonishing thing was the lack of any noise from your cheerleaders. Right from the start, they were rooting for you like you were earning them some hard cash and now that you had done exactly what they had wanted, they were silent. 
“Wha-
you opened your mouth to speak but their lack of attention held you back. Their eyes were fixed at Jungwoo,who still laid where he had landed. 
“What did you do?” renjun shrieked.
“Exactly what you told me to!” you replied with heavy breathing.
“We said torso!”
“Yes and i hi-
Mechanically your hand slapped your face as you noticed the position of jungwoo’s hands. You had, mistakenly, kicked him in the groin which only meant more trouble for you. 
“Save me.” you mouthed to hyuck and renjun while approaching jungwoo. 
“Sorry teacher.” you mumbled.
He remained quiet for a few seconds and didn’t make any movement. When he did, you took a few steps back, afraid of his wrath. Palms down on the mat, he sat up and with painfully quiet voice spoke up,
“Looks like you won. Good j-job. I think i need to visit the medical room. You can go and celebrate.”
“Does it pain too much” pointing to his crotch and averting your eyes, you asked.
“No. not at all but i might need to adopt your kids someday. You know if i can’t make my own.” 
“Sorry” you cried.
“Dismissed.” his civil tone, probably due to the ache, glued you in the position.
When you didn't move, donghyuck came, took you by your arm and guided you for the door.
"He's just being dramatic. Just chill. Another hit and he'd be good to go." He giggled and was soon joined by renjun as well, who was now crouching down in front of jungwoo. 
"You sure?"
"If he doesn't then you can always give him your baby. Ofcourse after asking your husband." Only after he rambled, he realised what he had actually said. His face screamed surprise. To save him from spiralling into deep shame, you eased him by cutting off his apology,
"Ew hyuck. Give him one of yours if you want. Don't come for mine!" And you exited the door.
You were halfway through the basement when you realised the lack of your device. Running back, you were about to shout when you overheard their gossip.
"No, I'm telling you she meant to injure me so i won't teach her anymore or this might be the revenge of all the weapon training. Her knee is stronger than jeno's punch. Don't laugh at me you shits."
Jungwoo was whining. 
"Haha. Yeah ok. But i told you renjun, she's physically stronger than her. Kind of totally opposite." Hyuck's voice quietened at the end but before he could speak further, you interrupted,
"Like who hyuck?"
Their faces went blank at your question and the reason of sudden heaviness in the air was beyond your contemplation. 
"You don't want to answer? Fine. Maybe it's not my place to question." You simply stated before circling the mat to pick up your phone from the chair.
"No. It's not li-
"It's fine hyuck. Chill." You shrugged and walked away, deciding against pestering them for information that they clearly felt too uncomfortable to share. 
"You need a fucking lock on your bloody mouth." was the last thing you heard before they were out of your hearing.
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What was the need to ask something when you knew you won't ever get an answer out of them. Everyone was beyond friendly with you but still, there were some borders that nobody dared to cross. Maybe the mention of that woman was one of them. Fear of some unknown ghost of embarrassment was swallowing you whole when you heard grunts. Loud ones. You were still in the basement, the scuffle center being at the far end. The stairs were in front of you. The  snarls and growls were coming from the other end of the basement. The election wasn't hard and you didn't want to give in to your curiosity but you did. Your feet, not cooperating with the voice in the back of your head that told you to turn away, took you ahead in the direction of the noise. Though the residence consisted of only one plot but the basement covered two. Unknown to everyone, the house next to B.N was also their property and it was only utilised for the underground space. Hence the never ending lane and the countless closed metal doors.
The echo got louder with each step you took. It’s been more than a month since you were visiting the basement but those noises had never crossed through you until today. The end doors were forbidden for you, according to what you were told but now that you were exposed to it, there was no chance of ignoring. No prudent person would ever overlook such a thing. That was the justification you were repeating as you took baby steps.
All the doors were closed except one at the very far end. You thought about peaking inside then halted as if your conscious called you. The whimpers also stopped for a minute or so but your heart skipped a few beats when a collision following with painful shriek reverberated in the empty space. The door, slightly ajar, was just a few strides away but you were too startled to even back away from your position. Same pattern of hit and shouts continued again. Unaware of the happenings, you stood there as If you were waiting for someone to separate you from the concrete beneath your feet.
Adding to your distress, the metal door opened abruptly and you realised, you were again at a place where you weren't meant to be.
"What are you doing here?" Jaehyun's growl broke you out of the unconscious state you had fell into. Mechanically, you eyes roamed across him to notice a body lying on the table inside the room, strained cries escaping his lips. The limp body was enough to put two and two together to conclude that he was being tortured. He was a victim of jaehyun's wrath. 
"I asked what ar-
"Y/N!" he picked up his hand to touch your shoulders but you distanced yourself when you noticed the stains covering his clothing and hands, the blood red prominently visible even under the low light. 
His gaze caught yours in time and his eyes softened noticing the fear in your body. 
Very slowly, he reached out for you but immediately stopped, taking a note of your quivering lip.
"Hey. It-its not blood. I ca-can explai- Y/N!" 
The yells of your name covered the whole arena as you rushed away, leaving a dazed jaehyun behind.
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"Who was it jae?" 
Jaehyun saw your trembling figure diminishing while you ran away from him as if you were disgusted by him. Not that he expected any other reaction, some good time has passed since someone innocent had came across their work. To say the least, it was never pleasant to have someone witness their harsh manners.
"JAE!"
"Y/n. She saw the body and also the blood."
He mumbled to ten whose visage, upon hearing, instantly mirrored jaehyun's.
"What about him?" Ten pointed to the man, "he's not speaking shit"
"Finish him off if you want. I need to handle something else now"
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You raced as fast as you could have. You had never thought of yourself as a weak person but the sight was gruesome to just disregard and walk off. With shaking legs, you finally made it upstairs but the ringing, only became more earsplitting. Your hand harshly rubbed at your chest as you tried to defuse the tension bubbling in your whole body. After what felt like minutes, you covered your ears as if it would stop the ringing. It certainly did not but surprisingly it was muffled. You removed your hands and the blaring returned again. But this time, you laboured yourself to look into your surroundings. You saw chenle, jisung, jaemin running back and forth from the kitchen while doyoung seemed to be scolding jeno for something. Few others were also there, cleaning the couches and spraying some fragrance in the air. Everyone seemed to be their own turmoil, origin was which was yet to be known.
That's when it hit you. Maybe your ears weren't booming due to fright. 
"Chenle"you screamed at the passing boy, "do you hear this sound?" You pointed your fingers in the air to exaggerate your point. He merely nodded before he went past you and the very next second the noise was reduced to mere buzzing. You inhaled sharply to regulate your heartbeat but failed due to the ruckus  that enclosed you. Suddenly jaemin emerged, 
"Why are you so disheveled? Go and change from these workout clothes. Uncle is outside. Didn't you hear the alarm." Only Half of his words entered your head and before you could come to your senses, you were interrupted again.
"Y/n my girl!" Whipping your head, you saw a familiar figure entering the threshold. 
An old man that you surely had seen somewhere. 
His voice was a lot stronger than his aged body which he was dragging along with the help of a walking stick. 
Jaemin nudged you to greet him and you complied as soon as could have in your current state. Only when you got closer, you realised he was the same man you had met in the office celebration. You haven't seen him since then but he looked significantly weaker than before. Even with dark circles present, his face still was still shining with the smile he wore as he staggered inside. 
"How's life treating you my kid" he asked, patting the empty space on the couch. You took the seat and replied in a small voice,
"I'm good. Everything is nice." 
"Why am I smelling Jasmines this late in the evening?" He sniffed the air and galred at doyoung, " Do you take me for a fool? One thing! Cleaning. that is the only thing i ask of you. There are- how many of you are present since the morning. Answer me doyoung." 
The man barked and doyoung muttered a sheepish apology, his head dropping with shame. 
"Each one of you is nonsense. If you'd just clean up your stink once in a while, you'd save your money on the thousands of spray bottles you buy every month. But you thick heads only know how to shoot and punch. Now get me a glass of water before i die of this fake flowery smell"
He shouted like he owned the place and Maybe he did. Your mind and heart were not aligned up to comprehend the simple scenario that took place before you, the dizziness coming and going with intervals.
Then you were called again. 
Looking at your right, your saw jaehyun standing, his face ridden of any colour.
You noticed his new shirt. There was no blood on it. His hands were also cleaned and you were stunned at how quickly your eyes were running on his body to find any trace of what you saw in the basement a few minutes ago.
"y/n, i need to talk to you" 
For the first time, jaehyun's words were directed towards you without any poison in them. 
You still didn't wish to face him so you moved yourself to face the old man.
"Y/n ple-
"Now you don't even greet your own father jung jaehyun."
He spoke with a steadier and louder voice that felt like it was only meant for jaehyun. The contrast in his tone was striking. 
He was jaehyun's father.
"Sorry dad. I have something imp-
"I called you in the morning to inform yuta and taeil and yet i do not see anyone here. Do i need to die for you to respect me!"
You couldn't believe your ears when jaehyun answered in shuddering tone. 
"Yu-yuta is not here." 
He sounded like a child responding to his teacher, scared of some evaluation.
"Then call him."
"I mean he's away on business dad."
"Civil?"
It was like hearing Morse code.
"No."
"You sent him on a target place?"
"No. He's in Nice to collect information."
"Wow. Can you please clap your back for breaking the only sacred rule this family lives by?"
The silence in the extremely large living room was suffocating. This time, except you, everyone else was scared. And it still wasn't of any help.
"How dare you send a family man away on anything remotely dangerous. I thought you all were careful after taeil's incident but no. Nobody cares enough t-
Before he could complete, shaky coughs engulfed his body. Somehow, jaehyun grabbed him the moment he was about to fall from the couch. Doyoung ran for the kitchen while xiaojun, who was always too swift in his movements, came to the living room with a medical box.
You weren't sure what was happening with him or why he was being treated like some high mighty force or why he was so adamant on bringing yuta back but you could only pray that his wish won't be granted.
You weren't cruel but you were sure he'd be able to survive without that piece of shit roaming around.
You couldn't lose the few weeks you had without him.
Taeyong hands clutched yours like his life depended on you.
"Please please please y/n. It's been over a month since he's gone. I never withdraw from a deal. But this is an emergency. Uncle doesn't know you both were forced. He is a soft and weak hearted man. We cannot afford to tell him anything like this and clearly this would be seen as a betrayal to him. You both are nothing like what he's told but he doesn't need to need. He's the only father figure we have. Please just this time. I promise I won't ask anything from you after this. You do not need to live with him. he'd be here until two months are over. Please."
You lifted your brow at his last sentence and liberated your hands from his, feeling his trembling fingers. 
"I don't see the need to lie anymore, taeyong. You can tell him the truth and be over with it. If he has jaehyun as a son, he must be used to hearing blatant lies. This won't be the only one, I'm sure of that." Crossing your arms, you coldly said.
"I know you hate me but please y/n. You know how it is to lose the only family member you have. We have no one besides him. Never had anyone before him. The least we can do is keep him happy until it's too late. Please. Just this time."
Gobbling down each word, you merely nodded at him. If it weren't for his glossy eyes, you'd have threw up on him right after the first pleading but you weren't heartless like him. He was right. You knew how it felt to lose your loved ones, a fate you would never wish upon anyone. Not even the person you despised the most.
"Thank you. I owe you this one kiddo." He hugged you and you pushed him away. 
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"Let me call him."
"Yuta!"
"Hmm"
"You need to come back immediately "
Taeyong spoke with urgency.
"Nope. I still have Three weeks and two days left." You heard his non-chalant words through the speaker.
"Yuta it's abou-
"Sorry I'm busy with my french girls. Call you later and please forget to take care of yourself."
And he hung up. 
A smirk formed on your face watching the grim expressions of taeyong.
"Good luck convincing him and while you are going to explain him the difference between the French girls and the French monkeys he has mistaken as women, why don't you explain me what exactly jaehyun does in that other end of the basement. I love some good stories, taeyong. So let's hear how good of a storyteller are you!"
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