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girlfriendsofthegalaxy · 2 years ago

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tuesday again 2/21/2023

despite two sections clocking in at one sentence each, i had a lot of thoughts about a video game so this one is the normal creeping-up-on-2k-words length

listening

brian david gilbert's rgss must be presented without comment.

youtube

reading

earlier last year a regional gas station chain offered a whopping twenty five cents off per gallon. many terms and conditions applied. the one that made me scoff and delete the app right there at the pump was that location data had to be on at all times. not just when you were using the app or in a geofenced area around the gas stations, all the time. i hate people knowing where i am. i despise my data being sold. do not advertise to me. fuck off.

last year this made me briefly wonder about the loyalty programs i have with the regional supermarket chains, big y and stop & shop. i don't even want to think about whatever instacart was collecting on me much earlier in the pandemic. unfortunately i can choose not to drive as much but i really should not eat less and i do love a loss leader sale. and then i had to move again and forgot about it. earlier this week my favorite data scientists at The Markup dropped a...upsetting article on kroger's data practices, which can include in-store tracking, biometrics, facial recognition, and when shopping on kroger.com: "Third-party trackers send your product page views, search terms, and items that you have added to your shopping cart to Meta, Google, Bing, Pinterest, and Snapchat." did you know they have their own spinoff data company? for why, you might ask?

Experts told The Markup that companies that sell products in grocery stores don’t have much visibility into what happens after their items are placed on shelves. These brands want granular shopping data that only supermarkets have in order to gauge the success of the brands’ products. In recent years, this data has become harder to come by and therefore more valuable.

i try very hard not to be be doom and gloom about tech bc reporting already tends toward the hysteric, and usually there is stuff i can do or a different option i can take to avoid a package of my data being sold and linked to other packages of my data. however, it is unrealistic to leave my phone at home and pay with cash, and financially i can't afford to opt out of these loyalty programs. sucks! sucks real bad! The Markup articles are pretty good at making the american senate take notice, but they are very slow and do not always fully understand tech abuses, bc their average age is sixty fuckin three.

watching

im ticking along in adventure time, in the middle of season six, the last real long season before we get down to twenty and fourteen episode seasons. there has been an amusing string of episodes where finn and jake aren't present or are only present briefly. this show will wander off to tell the most heartrending story about a character you will never see again, and this episode will stick with you for ten years.

ive also been looking at the fandom (i know) wiki page for each episode, bc why not, and it is a very funny fan wiki. a great deal of emphasis on animation errors with the caveats that maybe the miscolored arm of a princess in episode whatever actually means there's two princesses of that kingdom and we're only seeing the second one for the first time now. whenever the show references a classic work, the note in the wiki has the tone of "ugh this weird old thing why is my show making a joke about it". if an episode won an emmy (this show won fifteen emmys btw) it is usually the very last thing on the page bc that's not lore or errors or connections to other episodes why should you care??? either a very specific type of guy or a bunch of young teens wrote this. probably a bunch of young teens that grew up to be a very specific type of guy.

playing

thank u for all ur open world rpg recs, i think horizon zero dawn is the closest thing to what i want but i will probably end up playing Prey first (which has exactly one of the many qualities i want and is not open world even a little bit) bc it is a game i actually own. but im here to say i know im having a depressive episode when im listening to a lot of mother mother and playing f/allout 4. anyway we're back at it again in far harbor, which at least contains the most interesting storytelling in the game. can we all say hello to andre, bethesda's eleventh first gay character?

coming up on this drive-in theater with an incongruous neon heart looming out of the mist and spooky music plus screams from the horror movie trailer that's been playing on loop since the bombs dropped is SO fun. nothing on the mainland is quite this atmospheric. the fog really does heighten the fun of exploration. i know dead money did it first and better but this is less dire than dead money. usually.

also i forgot they're showing a western staring Legally Not Lee van Cleef if u switch the reels. this is not even getting into the delightful enemy encounter at this location bc i have a different location i want to talk about

GOD the MS Azalea (the one screenshot that isn't mine and is from the wiki) is so fun to run around. a rusted out, ripped in half cargo ship with five different sections (guardpost, top of ship, shipping container apartments on top of ship, inner sheltered harbor within ship and floating kitchen/pool table parlor, floating bar and clinic lashed to ship entered by swimming or elevator down from the top of the ship, sheltered harbor between two halves of the broken ship. each of these sections uses vertical space in interesting ways bc the ship is so fucking big. there is a straight up House underneath that boat. and everything feels very lived in, there's clutter and signs of life everywhere. these guys are just vibing with their little stores and their little apartments. a smarter game or a game with more time would have leaned into "you were sent to kill these guys by the townsfolk bc they felt threatened by an unaffiliated settlement" but alas. the trappers on the boat are just xp.

it is very funny that the lighthouse on the south end of the island refuses to load in properly, no matter where i am

this dlc, more than anything else in the game, actually does feel like my choices matter. i do the missions for the mariner and the barricade physically changes. i do enough fairly complex quest chains for enough of the town and they decide they like me enough to go build settlements. seeing the settlement fog condensers off in the distance from across the island feels very different from the mainland, where generally your settlement's buildings don't pop in until you're pretty fucking close.

i really don't care about how big the map is, i want the main game to be this dense and this bold in telling a stories, start to finish, that feel very interconnected and grounded to its location. i am feeling a little conflicted with my playtime, bc i gotta lotta fucking bones to pick with this game, but i am having fun with this dlc. part of it is "what if fallout/the rest of the game was good" and part of it is the depression making any scrap of delight feel weird. so it goes. february will end eventually.

making

did my taxes.

#i feel like this one does not particularly invite commentary or discussion but that's the way the week rolls sometimes #tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

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lostandfoundvocaltrax2005 · 2 months ago

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October 3rd. Afternoon, at the time of writing this.

its been a good while since i've written in here (guess thats why i shouldn't make vent blogs..), but i haven't really felt like i've had anything to say i couldn't express in short bursts? even now i'm not entirely sure what to put down. so, i guess i'll start with this. my boyfriends came home from their mission recently, so my mood has been relatively stable and i don't feel like hurting myself anymore. which, i think, is both good and bad. i don't like feeling like i have to rely on them in order to stay sane, but i don't think it counts unless i tell them? its fine to feel things privately. on the topic of lovers, i have two things i'm not sure how to express concisely. i guess i'll start with the most recent, that being Viv. i guess almost everyone thinks we're a couple? i got the okay i didn't know i needed from her dad (he brought it up while cuddling me to keep from fucking me. which, hysterical timing for that, but whatever keeps it in your pants) and Vex asked me if she was a new partner of mine. i reckon it'd be the next logical course of action but she's kind of already taken and i do Not want to be the stepper on toes homewrecker. she said something that jabbed a really, really tender spot i didn't know i had. she that if i got old, she'd take care of me until we both vanished. (well, not that exactly, but thats basically the gist of it). i know that i am loved but goddamn is it good to hear stuff like that. it feels a little selfish to say im sick of people expressing their attraction to me, but i think its different when its just constant sexual remarks. it was both refreshing and nauseating hearing something like that. the second thought was that i've been thinking about my time in washington recently because i got an urge to look through old texts. i feel kind of bad for how i acted, but at the same time, i know that if i had been any softer i'd have gotten walked all over. my two exes from that school are dead and i don't really know how to process it? i guess? kylar killed himself to try and prove he wasn't a waste of time, and Kidd just straight up murdered crispin for the crime of stalking me. and that kind of reminded me that this other kid, hunter, fucking killed his mom over me! Nicole and i were joking when we brought it up, i never wanted anyone to die! i know its a matter of socialization difference and the fact i'm somewhere on the aroace spectrum (i looked into recently after Doc brought it up) but holy fuck chimera pussy can not be that worth it.

Dad said he'd jump off a building for me too. its all really disorienting to think about. i got "married" recently. its in quotation marks for multiple reasons (he put the ring on my right pointer finger, there were no witnesses, the groom is FUCKING FOURTEEN. FOUR. TEEN. in my defense it was NOT my idea i tried to talk him out of it but it didn't work). at the very least he's a sweet kid and has only really done things i'd expect of a boy his age. basically he hasn't tried to fuck or move in (low bar, i know). i've been thinking a little about how time travel works recently as well. i find it odd that things become "fixed points" once you know about them. i guess its a subconscious thing? i don't know, this is way outta my pay grade. ..speaking of marriage, actually. i know better than to put any stock into the words of people who don't give a fuck about me but, yknow, i'm paranoid. not my fault. i've been thinking recently about what that zydrate guy said, about how 17 is usually the cut off age for most pedophiles. i know Jackson said i had to be 20 for him to marry me, but i can't help being anxious. oh wait thats right halloweens coming up! Kidd's bday soon ^_^ and i gotta start working on my costume. i'm going as the guy who shot me a little while ago. yeah. hey, look, i never claimed to be smart. that was something everyone else decided i had to be. and also, its cunty. both the idea of going as the guy who tried to kill me and the outfit itself, its cunt. whatever. i don't have to explain myself.

i wonder what i should get for his birthday. i wanna go shopping this weekend, so i'll look around while i'm out. huh. i had more to say than i expected.

#diary log

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suganovakawa · 4 years ago

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i hope requests are still open, if not, you can just ignore this since u may be busy. i LOVE your s'mores headcanons with the karasuno boys, it's ! so ! cute ! may i request protective! captain as dads ( you could pick anyone you're comfortable with writing! ) and their only daughter started liking a boy ( bonus if it's the son of their old/current teamates if they played professional. ) thank you again if u ever decided to do this 💙

i’m slowly going to be going through requests again but THIS IS SO CUTE IM DYING PLS

this request is so old i know , i’m sorry for the wait anonnie pls forgive me fjjsnfmd

a loving father.

— kuroo, daichi, ushijima, oikawa, and bokuto’s only daughter ( separately ) falls for a boy.

gen masterlist.

taglist ( open ) ༉‧ @yams046 @janellion @avylee

— a/n : new layout! figured i’d try it, i always thought my previous layout was too tedious and spaced out, this new one is something more simple. enjoy!

— also, this is fem!reader!

tetsurou kuroo.

✧｡ the first time he hears of his babygirl catching the feels™ for someone, immediately he goes into protective dad mode

✧｡ in the past he had always joked about him being the only man his daughter needed in her life, and daddy’s little girl would always comply because kuroo def is one of the best dads around, don’t @ me

✧｡ but boy oh boy he’s ready to wage war once he hears about this boy, and he doesn’t even know who the guy is

✧｡ he wasn’t supposed to hear about his daughter’s crush, you and your daughter were having some girl talk, and you actually had to pry it out of her system or else she would’ve just kept it secret

✧｡ he was 100% eavesdropping on the two of you, he always feels so left out when it’s girl talk time— he’s tried convincing the both of you to let him in on the girl time, but all of his attempts have failed

✧｡ both you and your daughter hear a “WHAT?!?” from outside your bedroom door, and the two of you run out to see kuroo literally pressed against the door with a scowl on his face

✧｡ oh boy, your daughter’s really gonna get it now

✧｡ “tetsurou! you know better than to eavesdrop on us like that! you know that girl time is for us only! no boys allowed!” ofc, if y’all want a son...

✧｡ JDJDJFJFJ HE’S IN HYSTERICS

✧｡ we love a good drama queen, he’s sprawled on the floor, pretending to sob in his hands as your daughter is trying ( and failing ) to hide her embarrassment that her dad happened to listen in on what she wanted to keep secret

✧｡ “noooo our babygirl is growing up too quickly! what happened to me being the only man in her life, huh? she’s leaving the nest too quickly, stay with meeeee! be my little princess forever!”

✧｡ proceeds to become the embodiment of 🥺

✧｡ “dad, it’s just a crush...”

✧｡ “i had a crush on your mother back in the day, look at how we are now!”

✧｡ “tetsurou...”

✧｡ kuroo looks to you and takes you by your shoulders, his lip quivering as he points to your guys’ child “how are you so calm about this? this is our daughter we’re talking about here! take me a little more seriously, y/n!”

✧｡ you’re cracking up at the sight of kuroo, wiping tears from your eyes as you cross your arms, an evil glint shining in those eyes of yours

✧｡ “you’ll never guess who she does have a crush on, sweetheart.”

✧｡ “what?”

✧｡ your daughter is trying oh so hard to give you a signal of no no no no no no no no no mom please spare me but you’re just ignoring it, “go on, sweetie. tell your father who this special boy of yours is.”

✧｡ “... lev’s son...”

✧｡ RIP tetsurou kuroo, gone too soon.

daichi sawamura.

✧｡ now, daichi takes the news far better than how kuroo does, but you can tell he’s just a wee bit protective

✧｡ you can see it in the way he scrunches his nose every time your daughter brings up this boy— it’s subtle, but definitely noticeable

✧｡ he finds about his daughter’s crush while he picks her up from school, he spots her chatting up a storm with a classmate of hers

✧｡ “is that a friend of yours, sweetheart?” she’s in high spirits as daichi takes her home, which he’s happy with. he wants nothing more than to see his little bundle of joy happy as can be

✧｡ “silly daddy! that’s my boyfriend! he asked me out today while we were both at the swings, and i said yes!”

✧｡ JDJSJJF HE ALMOST SWERVED THE CAR BUT CAUGHT HIMSELF JUST IN TIME, KEEP DRIVING MR. SAWAMURA YOURE ALMOST HOME

✧｡ “b-boyfriend, you say?”

✧｡ “mhm! i’ve had a crush on him for a while, and he likes me back! so when he asked me to be his girlfriend, i said yes and we hugged!”

✧｡ by the looks of his face when he and your child came home, you knew exactly what had happened between your husband and your daughter on the way back— you were suppressing your laughter as much as possible, but a snicker escaped your lips as you greeted your daughter and let her inside

✧｡ “you knew about this, didn’t you, y/n?” daichi mumbled as he greeted you with a kiss on the forehead, clearly bothered by the news

✧｡ “she’d always fill me in on her adventures with her crush, telling me how she knows deep within her heart that they belong together.” you had turned to your daughter, who finished putting her bag down and you picked her up in her arms, “did he ask you out today, sweetie? were your predictions correct?”

✧｡ “yes! we’re dating now!” just hearing those words made daichi’s heart clench, but he had to just smile through the pain

✧｡ “that’s... lovely, sweetheart...” had he bothered to say anything more, he was going to pass out

✧｡ “wait, daddy doesn’t know who your boyfriend is, huh?” you smirked, causing daichi’s face to pale, “why don’t you tell him who your special someone is, dear?”

✧｡ your daughter grinned, “you know his dad, daddy! mr. nishinoya!”

✧｡ daichi proceeded to stare a wall blankly for the next half hour, repeating the words “oh my god, noya has a son” like a mantra.

✧｡ “mommy, what’s wrong with daddy?”

✧｡ “just give him some time, he’ll process it soon.”

wakatoshi ushijima.

✧｡ the first time he heard of his daughter having a crush on someone, it went completely over his head and thought nothing of it

✧｡ “daddy! i have a crush on that boy over there!”

✧｡ “oh. that’s nice, dear.”

✧｡ you were initially surprised when you heard his reaction, you weren’t expecting ushi to be so nonchalant— he was very overprotective of your only child, even if he didn’t show it

✧｡ turns out, he doesn’t know what a crush IS

✧｡ he thought it was just some childhood slang for classmate, and proceeded to carry on with his day— his daughter didn’t explain to him what having a crush meant, either

✧｡ oh sweet mother of jesus, you’ve married a complete dunce

✧｡ “toshi... you’re okay with her having a crush on a boy, right? you don’t mind?” you had to know for yourself, you asked ushijima about it when he came home from adlers practice; you let him wash up and both of you had put your child down for the night, you were busy making a late night meal for him since you know he can get hungry after working so hard

✧｡ “why wouldn’t i be okay with it? doesn’t she have many crushes?”

✧｡ you pressed your fingers against your temples and sighed loudly, shaking your head in disbelief. “do you even know what crushes are?”

✧｡ “classmates...?” seeing the shock on your face, he raised an eyebrow slightly, confused with your exasperation. “is it not youth slang for classmates?”

✧｡ “toshi— no. just, no.” you sat down in a chair next to him, and proceeded to explain that crushes are not slang for classmates, and to explain what your daughter was going through

✧｡ uh, i think you broke him

✧｡ after a whole five minutes of silence, all you got in return was “... oh. that’s what crushes are.”

✧｡ his face was completely blank, you weren’t sure if it was him realizing that he did not like that, or if he still was completely confused to his daughter having feelings for a boy

✧｡ “... well, i don’t see the harm in it.” you turned in surprise— his face was still stoic and unreadable, but he had shrugged slightly as it was your turn to raise an eyebrow, “a harmless crush on a boy isn’t too bad. and besides,” you could see a ghost of a smirk appear on his lips, “i had a crush on you, and we turned out like this.”

✧｡ sir that is illegal wtf go back to being a dunce

✧｡ you scoffed and hid your blush in your hands, rolling your eyes a bit, “do you even know who the boy is, toshi?”

✧｡ “am i supposed to know?”

✧｡ “ask your friend hoshiumi tomorrow at pracrice, i think he’ll be able to fill you in on it.”

✧｡ wakatoshi had many, many questions for his daughter the next evening when he came back from practice, oh boy.

tooru oikawa.

✧｡ honestly, i think tooru would take the news the best out of everyone here JFJSJJD probably because he’s so experienced in having people fawn and gawk over him, oops

✧｡ but obviously he’s still gonna be a little diva about it; after all, it’s HIS perfect princess we’re talking about here

✧｡ he came back home at the sight of your daughter daydreaming to you about her day at school, anyone with common sense could see how whipped and smitten over whoever this person was

✧｡ “we held hands during recess today! i almost didn’t want to wash my hands when we went inside today— hi daddy!”

✧｡ oikawa scooped her up in her arms and chuckled, ruffling her hair slightly, “hey there sweetheart, who did you hold hands with today?”

✧｡ the little girl blushed, lowering her voice shyly as she twiddled her thumbs, “it’s this boy in my class who i really like...”

✧｡ you couldn’t help but laugh at tooru’s initial reaction; his eyebrows flew upwards as his jaw parted slightly, processing the fact that his babygirl had developed a crush™ on a classmate

✧｡ tooru wasn’t too bothered by it, he was just in shock— immediately after he simply kissed her hair and smiled brightly at your daughter, “that’s real sweet, princess. anyone would be lucky to have someone as adorable as you liking them.”

✧｡ “you’re just saying that because i’m your daughter, daddy.”

✧｡ “no! i am just saying the truth!”

✧｡ he huffed, “besides, you better not get married so soon! you’re still MY baby, he can’t take you from me just yet! i’m still number one in your heart, right?”

✧｡ “tooru...”

✧｡ “y/n, how can you be so content with her having a crush already? she’ll be gone from us so soon from the power of love! not yet not yet, i’m not ready to say goodbye!”

✧｡ embodiment of 🥺, part two

✧｡ “of course you’re still number one daddy, i just like him a little bit, that’s all!” your daughter pouted a bit, causing the brunet to chuckle and kiss her forehead next

✧｡ “i’m joking, princess. having a crush is so adorable, i remember when your mom still had a crush on me.”

✧｡ “you had a crush on me first, tooru.”

✧｡ “BESIDES THE POINT, who’s the lucky guy?”

✧｡ you laughed at his question, your lips quivering as your suppressed your laugh but not fully, a hand covering your mouth but the laughter evidently there, tooru looked at you weirdly

✧｡ “what’s so funny?”

✧｡ you turned to your daughter, “tell him, sweetie.”

✧｡ a bright grin, followed by, “kyoutani!”

✧｡ holy mother of goodness oikawa almost dropped her from the name, a loud gasp filling the room as his face turned completely white

✧｡ “y/n, please tell me i heard her wrong. PLEASE TELL ME I DIDN’T JUST HEAR THAT.”

✧｡ “our daughter crushing on mad dog’s son? no, you heard that perfectly clear, darling.”

koutarou bokuto.

✧｡ bokuto will take it personally and will see to it that he will win this one-sided war for your daughter’s affection

✧｡ same way kuroo found out, he was def eavesdropping on you and your daughter’s girl time; there was no escaping him the moment he opened the door

✧｡ “b-but what do you mean you like a boy at your school?” emo mode is a go

✧｡ “i just like him, daddy! it’s not like i’m gonna marry him!” she paused, “... yet.”

✧｡ “Y/NNNNNNN OUR BABY IS GROWING UP SO QUICKLY DO SOMETHING!”

✧｡ “kou, it’s just a crush...”

✧｡ “do you not remember how it was when i had a crush on you?”

✧｡ you sighed, running a hand through his hair to calm him down— which worked, a little bit— “you, koutarou, are a special breed.” you kissed his forehead, sighing at how his hair depleted

✧｡ “you are still my princess! my babygirl! i should talk to this fellow, because i will not be second best to my daughter’s heart.” he huffed, puffing out his chest with pride

✧｡ she, on the other hand, is completely embarrassed by this, “daddy, no...”

✧｡ “what? why not?”

✧｡ “actually, you should let him do just that, sweetheart.” you crossed your arms and smiled, much to your daughter’s dismay. “i think akaashi will find entertainment in seeing this for himself.”

✧｡ “akaashi? what does he have to do with this?”

✧｡ too late, you’re already calling the other fukurodani alumni, chuckling as both bokuto and your daughter are giving you the same exact confused look— like father, like daughter

✧｡ “akaashi will be here in about 10 minutes. i told him to bring his child, here, too.”

✧｡ “baby, what are you talking about—”

✧｡ meanwhile, your daughter was in a frenzy, running around the house as she screamed about getting ready and looking nice for the guests— bokuto was still plopped one the floor, looking up at you like a lost puppy

✧｡ akaashi walks through the door with a grin on his lips, holding his son’s hand as you greeted both of them at the door, “akaashi! wonderful to have you here! your son is looking so handsome.”

✧｡ “akaashi? why are you here?” kou blinks in confusion, scratching the side of his head before he notices how his own daughter is reacting— she looks like she’s about to explode, hiding behind his leg with a whole face of blush

✧｡ “y/n said you wanted to talk to my son about something, so i figured why not? i’ve got a day off.” akaashi chuckled and waved to your daughter, who shyly waved back but hid again before the other guest in the house could get a good look at her

✧｡ “WAIT. YOUR SON IS—”

✧｡ you left the room, you were laughing so loudly— akaashi found this quite humorous as well; bokuto looked down at his daughter, clinging onto his leg and smiling softly to herself. she had gotten the courage to wave at akaashi’s son, who smiled brightly at her and blushed as well

✧｡ “... oh my god.” he felt like an idiot, yes— but akaashi’s kid being the lucky guy? “ARRANGE THE MARRIAGE!”

✧｡ “koutarou, NO.”

✧｡ “bokuto-san, no.”

✧｡ “DADDY, NOOOOOO!”

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angstysebfan · 4 years ago

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Hey!!! Can you write an angsty like really angsty oneshot like one told from Bucky's pov where he feels like you're falling for a new guy friend of yours and becomes insecure as your fiance?

Oh boy... one sad Bucky coming at ya! Hope you enjoy it!

Is It Him?

Bucky walked into your shared bedroom and stopped short when he saw you getting dressed up. “Where ya goin Doll? I thought we were having a movie night?” he asks. You look at him and give him a smile, “Brett told me about this new club that has 90′s nights, so we are going to go,” you said as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

Bucky couldn’t help but feel not only disappointment, but scared. Brett is a guy you met at a coffee shop a few weeks ago. Apparently he is hilarious and you both have gotten really close. He doesn’t want to think you would cheat on him, but he wonders if you are developing feelings for this guy. “Weren’t you out with him yesterday and the day before? You promised we were goin to chill tonight. Just the two of us,” Bucky says as he walks up to you and wraps his arms around your waist as you continue to make adjustments to your outfit.

“I know and I’m sorry,” you say as you turn around in his arms. “It’s just 90′s night only happens once a month and it’s tonight,” you say. “Come with us!” you say with a smile. Bucky looks into your eyes and thinks he sees excitement, but he doesn’t know anymore. “You know how I am with crowds, and strangers, and--” “Come on Buck, stop being boring and come out with me,” you say in a whine.

Bucky sighs as he feels like a dagger was jammed into his heart. No wonder she started seeking out another man. He was too boring for her now. She used to love that he would sit and have movie marathons with her, but I guess she wants more excitement. “Ok, if you really want me to,” he says unsure of himself. You nod and give him a quick peck on the cheek before turning and looking at yourself in the mirror again.

When you walk up to the club, Bucky sees Brett waiting outside. He was dressed much better than Bucky, and just oozed confidence. When he saw you, he immediately saw his whole face light up, and noticed his smile falter when he saw Bucky. “Hey pretty girl! I see you brought the boyfriend tonight,” Brett said as he gives you a big hug, which you reciprocate.

Bucky gulped as he tried to hold his composure. He calls you pretty girl? And Bucky doesn’t even have a name, just boyfriend? He wants to sucker punch this guy right in the face. “I want to show him how much fun we have!” you say with a laugh. You turn and look at Bucky and see the trepidation in his face.

“You’re going to be ok, Buck. I promise,” you say before kissing his cheek. Bucky gives you a loving smile. You always knew how to make him feel better. Bucky follows you both into the club and up tot he bar. After you all order, conversation starts, but it seems to be all inside jokes between you and Brett. Bucky politely listens and will smile while you both are hysterically laughing. After a bit, Bucky excuses himself to go to the restroom.

While he is washing his hands, he keeps telling himself that he is being stupid. You said yes to marrying him, and you are not going to throw it all away for some guy you have only known a few weeks. After talking himself off the ledge he walks back out to the bar, but sees neither you nor Brett standing there anymore. He turns and sees you both out on the dance floor, dancing away to the fast beat. He watches you from afar and sees how happy you look, and hates that he isn’t the one that is making you like that.

Suddenly the music changes to a slow song, and Bucky decides he wants to dance with you. As he goes to walk over he sees you wrap your arms around Brett’s neck, as he wraps his arms around your waist. Bucky stops in shock that you didn’t even look for him, even though you know he doesn’t like to dance. He wonders if he should interrupt, but then he sees something that completely shatters his heart.

Brett leans down and kisses you. Bucky doesn’t know whether to kill him or throw up. When you both pull away from the kiss you turn your head and lock eyes with your fiance. Tears form in Bucky’s eyes as he shakes his head and heads toward the door, ignoring you calling for him.

Bucky goes for a walk around the city. He had pushed you away into the arms of another man. A better man. One that will make you laugh and dance with you, and who you have inside jokes with. One that you haven’t been able to stop talking about. Bucky is the opposite of that. He is low key, sometimes funny, but very quiet. He thought you loved him in spite of his insecurities, but apparently they got too much for you.

Bucky didn’t want to go back to your shared room at the compound. What if you brought him home with you. What if you are letting him fuck you in his bed. What if you already moved your stuff out while Bucky was walking. Bucky didn’t want to face this right now, so instead of going to your room, he went up on the roof.

When the doors opened Bucky was shocked to see you standing there with tears running down your face. “What do you want?” he sneered. “Bucky... I... I’m so sorry,” you say crying. “I didn’t mean for that to happen, I swear!” you say taking a step toward him. Bucky takes a step back and sees the hurt on your face. “You didn’t meander me to catch you? Well I did. I loved you, Y/N! Do you know how long it took for me to trust you,.. to trust myself?! You ruined that,” Bucky says holding back his own tears.

“But I didn’t--” “I’m sorry I’m not as much fun, or don’t have stupid inside jokes, or dress better. I’m sorry I would rather stay home than go out, and are terrified of crowds, but I put all my fears aside for you! And look what you did! Why didn’t you just break up with me!?” Bucky yelled.

You continued to sob, “No! I don’t” “You’ve hurt me so bad! How long have you been cheating on me?” Bucky says quietly, sounding completely broken. “No! I didn’t cheat on you! I swear! Brett kissed me and when I saw your face I smacked him and ran after you! I don’t want Brett! I want you! I love you!” you scream and let out another sob.

Bucky looks at you for a moment as he takes in what you said. “You didn’t want to kiss him?” he asks. You shake your head, unable to speak. “But you were slow dancing with him, and you hugged him so tightly when we met up with him. You talk about him all the time. How can I believe you?” Bucky asks.

“I’m so sorry! I thought Brett was ok with just being a friend. I haven’t had a friend who wasn’t an Avenger in so long. It made me feel... like I was just a normal citizen. I felt like I faded into the background a little bit. But I never wanted to hurt you, and I am so sorry! Not just for tonight, but for everything! I’m sorry I made you question my love and loyalty!” you said.

“You still love me?” Bucky asks. You walk up to him and wrap your arms around his neck, “There is no one on this earth that I love more than you James Barnes. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am sorry I haven’t let you know that. But I promise I will do better,” you say.

Bucky put his hands on your waist and pulls you closer, “And what about Brett?” he asks. You scoff, “I told him to never talk to me again. I already blocked his number and told FRIDAY to not let him on the premises. If I see him again, I will kick his ass,” you say as Bucky leans his forehead against yours. “Well, I’m pretty sure I have his murder plotted, so..” Bucky says.

You laugh, which makes his heart soar. See he can make you laugh too. “I’m really sorry Buck. I love you,” you say. Bucky smiles and kisses your forehead, “I love you too, Doll. More than anyone and anything in this world. You are so special to me,” he says. You look into his eyes and lean forward until your lips touch.

“Let’s go to bed so I can really show you how sorry I am.”

There you go! Sorry I am a sucker for happy endings! lmao! I could have totally gone for the angsty ending, but I hope you like this!

Permanent Taglist: @hailmary-yramliah @tuiccim @comedictragedy @cap-n-stuff @thefridgeismybestie @aleaisntcreative @lookiamtrying @pinknerdpanda @morganclaire4 @iamvalentinaconstanza @verygraphicink @im-squished @joannie95 @peace-love-hobbitness @connie326 @arundhati1609 @amandamdiehl @harrysthiccthighss @its-izzys @roserose26 @rebekahdawkins @elegantobservationstudentsblog @broco8 @bestofbucky @white-wolf1940 @loser-alert @jassy2101

#Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #Bucky angst #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader

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thelittleboyfromloveactually · 4 years ago

Text

Innocent hug

Dylan O’Brien x reader

Warnings: mentions of rape, sexual assault, cussing, mentions of smut, Dylan being sweet (this can be possibly triggering!!!!!!) angst

Promt: when Dylan finds you crying after an uncomfortable interview, the two of you find your selves admitting things you never thought you would say again (y’all i just, I don’t even know, I can’t write freaking descriptions hahaha)

Word count: 2712

Disclaimer: so basically the interview is for maze runner, just pretend that you play another character in the movie that was like Thomas’ best friend and newts love interest (also y’all pls send some requests)

Not my gif! Credits to @dyobrien! <3

“Hi I’m Dylan O’Brien!” Started Dylan trying to control himself from his laughter, before the cameras had begun rolling Dylan had cracked a joke that he was still trying to recover from.

“I’m Y/N Y/L/N” you said smiling

“I’m Thomas brodie sangster” Thomas said giving the camera a small wave

“And we’re the cast of maze runner” you said still smiling, also trying to control your laughter

“Or at least some of it” Dylan added on making everyone lose it again. Dylan practically fell out of his chair, Thomas giggled and you just kept laughing. Dylan had a habit of making you laugh, it was one of the many things you loved about him. You and Dylan had been best friends since you met on the set of teen wolf. You were a guest star who was quickly killed off. You and Dylan hit it off immediately, you two just got each other. You had the same sense of humor, same interests, and generally you two just felt normal around each other. The two of you stayed connected even after you left the show. Then you were lucky enough to land another part with Dylan in maze runner. Dylan played Thomas, and you played Y/C/N, Thomas’ best friend and Newts love interest. You had become extremely close with the cast, they were like your family. Since the release of the scorch trials you and Dylan had become quite the hit. Though you weren’t together in the movie, everyone shipped it. Two years after scorch trials, you and Dylan were in another movie together! American assassin, Dylan played Mitch Rapp and you of course played Y/C/N, Mitch’s love interest. Everyone wanted you two together, and it was not secret, the two of you were constantly teased on set for “flirting”.

You were doing this interview for the release of your latest movie, Maze Runner: The Death Cure. You were very sad that this series was coming to an end, you were definitely gonna miss it, everyone was.

“So my first question is for all of you actually, out of the three of you, who is the funniest?” The interview met asked

“Dylan and Y/N are both quite hilarious, especially when they are together, they are always cracking jokes and laughing” Thomas said looking at you and Dylan

“We do have fun” you agreed “honestly though I think we are all pretty funny, but Dylan I would say wins this one” you said looking to your right at Dylan

“What can I say? I’m a true born comedian” said Dylan

The questions continued, Dylan and Thomas were asked a lot about work and their new projects, whereas you seemed to be getting the clothes questions, the personal life questions. Things like, “where do you recommend buying clothes?” “How was your trip to Italy” “what are you wearing today”. Sadly that was fairly normal.

“Alright Y/N your up again, now the buzzing question everywhere right now is, are you single?” The interviewer asked

“Yes I am single” you smiled even though you were generally annoyed inside “Im that girl at the family reunions who gets introduced to the 3rd cousins, and who always gets told by the grandmas, “see honey this is why you are still single”” you said

Next to you Dylan weesed and began laughing hysterically. Thomas again just giggled his sweet laugh.

“Well do they know the men you work with? I mean your standards must be pretty high huh?” The interviewer pushed

“Yes yes I guess they are” you said, Dylan laughed next to you

“Why aren’t you with any of them Y/N?” He asked

Your eyebrows knitted together at this question, was he really asking this?

“Well blondie over here” you said gesturing to Thomas “is taken as you know, and taken by one of the nicest people I know, so”

“Well what about you Dylan, I mean the media definitely wants you two together, you two are like Tom hanks and Meg Ryan, and hey if I were you I would totally hit that” he said to Dylan

You froze at this, wtf was this guy doing? Dylan’s eyebrows shot up and his jaw clenched, and Thomas glared at the interviewer.

“Really man?” Dylan asked, you adjusted yourself in your seat, moving your arms to cover your body, you suddenly felt exposed and uncomfortable.

“I was just kidding with you guys” the interviewer said laughing it off

“Wasn't very funny” Dylan said

“Sorry man, didn’t mean any harm” he said putting his hands up in defense

You were shaking, you had a past. A past no one knew about, a past that would be easily triggered by a comment like that.

“Maybe think before you speak next time” Thomas added

“Ya, not cool man” Dylan said

The tension in the room was deadly. But still the interview continued on with only two questions left.

After the interview everyone was checking to make sure you were ok, Dylan kept saying that he’d beat his ass and Thomas just repeated that he is a dick. On the way back to the hotel you were all staying at, the consern eventually died down. Thomas and Dylan were planning on meeting up with ki Hong and kaya at a bar somewhere. They asked if you wanted to join but you kindly refused saying that you needed some me time. They were hesitant at first but then gave in and left you in your hotel room. Once the door closed you ran to the bathroom, looking at yourself in the gold rimmed mirror. Then suddenly you were crying.

“No!” You yelled at yourself “don’t cry, stop it Y/N!” You told yourself, but the tears just kept flowing and they wouldn’t stop.

Dylan’s POV

I swear I was gonna murder that man, who the fuck makes comments like that? I knew Y/N, I knew how this was going to go. I could talk she was shaken up and uncomfortable, but she would never admit that. She never let people in, she claimed she didn’t want to bother anyone with her personal problems. Leaving her alone in her hotel room felt wrong, I knew she wasn’t okay. I could see it in her face. As we walked away from her door, down to the lobby I felt the sudden urge to go back. To run back to her and take her in my arms, stroke her hair and tell her it was ok. Then I decided that that was exactly what I was going to do.

“Hey man I think imma go back, you know how she is, I don’t think she should be alone” I told Thomas, he looked back at me with understanding eyes

“Ofcourse mate” he said nodding, “I think that is a brilliant idea”

“Tell kaya and ki Hong I’m sorry I missed them” I said already waking back to Y/Ns room

“Will do!” He responded

Then I burst out into a run, running back down the hall and to the elevator. I clicked the 6th floor and the second the doors opened I was out, running to Y/Ns door.

Once I got there I took the liberty of unlocking it with the extra key she had given me. She said it was only for emergencies, but I thought I could make an exception. I walked quietly into the hotel room, I opened my mouth to yell for her but then shut it again. I heard muffled cry’s coming from the bedroom. Shit, I hope she’s watching some random soap opera, I hope that’s not her crying.

“Hey Y/N?” I said opening the door to the bedroom

Your POV

When you heard Dylan say your name you quickly sprang into action. Because you were still in the bathroom he wouldn’t be able to see u for at least a few more seconds. You wiped your eyes and tired to put yourself together before walking out to greet him.

“Hey Dylan” you said smiling, keeping up your act

Dylan studied you, he saw your smile, but he also saw your red rimmed eyes and your fidgeting hands, he heard the slight crack in your voice and the tiredness in it as well.

“Are you alright?” He asked stepping slowly toward you

“Ya ya I’m fine! What are you doing here?” You said, way to quickly

Dylan looked at you with sad eyes, it broke him to know that you were hiding from him. “I was worried, I wanted to make sure you were ok��

“We’ll hate to break it to ya, but um you came back for nothing, I am totally fine, faaaaaantastic!” you said smiling at him even more

“You can talk to me” he said stepping closer to you again

“There is nothing to talk about” you said

“Y/N, I know you, I know what you are doing, your not ok, and your hiding it, your shutting me out again”

“Dylan you need to calm down! I. Am. Fine!” You said, he was right though, and you both knew it “you should really go have fun!”

“Y/N-“ he started before being cut off again

“I insist Dylan, please, don’t worry about me, ok?” You said smiling sweetly

“That’s a lot easier said than done” he said looking down, then an idea came to him, it was horrible and he knew you would hate him, but he needed you to let him in “but if that’s what you want, then I’ll leave” he said

“Yes! Go have a good time!” You’d aid practically pushing him out of the bedroom

“See ya later!” You said closing the bedroom door behind him

Dylan walking over to the front door, opened it, and then closed it, still standing in your hotel room. Meanwhile you were listening to hear him leave, and when the door shut you began crying again. Then suddenly strong arms were tapped around your body, pulling you in close. You jumped.

“Hey hey, it’s just me” Dylan said stroking your hair

“But-but you left” you said looking up at him confused

“I didn’t, I’m sorry angel but I needed you to be honest with me” he said looking at you in your eyes. His heart breaking into a million pieces, he hated seeing you like this.

“I-I’m so sorry” you said beginning to cry even harder

“Don’t be sorry angel, it’s ok I’m here” he said hushing you and continuing to stroke you hair. He held you in his arms and never let you go. He held you as you cried, though he was also breaking inside.

After what seemed like forever, your tears ran out and you began to calm down. Dylan still holding you close.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked sweetly

“Not really” you said sniffling

“You know I will go back and kill That guy if you want me too right?” He said pulling away from you so he could see your face

You didn’t look at him in the eyes, though his tried to find yours

“No it’s ok, really. That guy was a Douche bag, it’s not his fault I have shit” because you had just been crying and weren’t thinking strait, those words just slipped through your mouth. Dylan’s eyes widened and he moved your chin to that you had to face him.

“What kind of shit?” He asked

“Nothing” you said

He widened his eyes saying “really?”

You nodded in response to his action.

“Come on Y/N I’m here, please just talk to me” he pleaded

You stood up and out of Dylan’s grasp. “Listen Dylan, there is a lot you don’t know about me, and it’s all for good reason, ok? I recommend leaving it alone” you said

“I have left it alone for long enough Y/N!” He said standing up as well

“Whatever Dylan” you said waving away his statement

“No! Do not shut me out!” He said walking over to you again grabbing you hands, you could tell he was getting mad, but when he grabbed you it scared you

“No stop! Please! I’m sorry!” You pleaded, Dylan let go of your hands. His heart broke. He looked at you with concerned eyes.

“I’m sorry” he said, he noticed you were shaking, he was so confused, your reaction wasn’t normal. “Please just talk to me, please?”

You sighed and sat down on the bed, putting your face in your hands. Dylan sighed, giving up he began walking away when suddenly you began talking.

“I was 20, it was the first week of my sophomore year of college, my best friend at the time was bugging me about going to some frat party for back to school, the guys she liked had asked her to come and bring a friend. I told her I had to study but she didn’t believe me because it was the first week of school. I wasn’t a party person but I gave in. We got there, and she was drunkenly talking to the guy. I only had one drink, that the guy, his name was Brandon gave me. I started to feel sick and I went to go lie down. I was not thinking strait and when Brandon offered to help me I accepted, he carried me to the bedroom and put me down on the bed. By that time I was confused but barely conscious. He um…” you hesitated, Dylan stared at u in disbelief “he rapped me, he fucking rapped me. I tried to tell my friend but she just accused me of being jealous and not happy for her, saying Brandon would never do that. She never spoke to me again. Then a year later my boyfriend, who I had only been dating for a month or so wanted to ya know do it and I told him I wasn’t ready, I lied telling him I was a virgin. He was fine with it and he said he would wait. He asked again a month later and I still said no, this time he was more angry. We fought and I told him what happened and he called me a slut. We didn’t technically break up but we didn’t really speak. I felt bad so one time I decided to surprise him in his dorm. He was there with another girl. He cheated on me. I never told anyone else about what Brandon did to me. Not my parents, not my friends, not the police.” You finished in tears again

Dylan’s heart was in a million pieces, his best friend was raped and he didn’t know about it. Ofc it was a few years before you met him but he still kicked himself for not protecting you. He loved you! He loved you so damn much. He walked and he wrapped you up in his arms.

“It’s okay angel” he spoke softly so he would scare you. He let his emotions take hold of him, he no longer had control of what he said, “I love you so much and I will never ever leave you or hurt you, I will always protect you.” He told you

You looked up, he just said that he loved you, “what?” You asked

Dylan then realized what he had said “oh um ha” he said scratching the back of his head, screw it he thought. “Ya I love you Y/N, I have loved you for a long time, and and I feel bad telling you now, I don’t wanna take advantage of you but I do. I love you and-“ he was cut off by your lips on his. They were soft, moved as if they were meant for each other.

“I love you too” you said as you smiled

Dylan let out a breath of relief and kissed you again. When Dylan met you, you were nervous about your new job next to big actors, Dylan hugged you trying to comfort you. You never forgot that hug.

You layed in his arms, and for once in a long time you felt light, happy, and safe. And it was all because of one innocent hug.

#dylan obrien #the maze runner

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fluffymcu · 4 years ago

Text

Letting Loose

Part EIGHTEEN

This series is TICKLE related.

Series Summary: You’re the little sister of the one and only Captain America. You’re also the youngest girl on the team, so that automatically makes you the avengers’ little princess. And they spoil you as such. They have become your amazing family and you don’t know where you’d be without them. This series will show random adventures and fluffy events in the daily life of the reader and her family, along with an unexpected turn later on as you read.

A/N: I’m so excited to be writing this series! This is my first time writing one and I’m a bit nervous but I hope it all goes well. :) Hope you enjoy!

Word count: 1,962

It’s been a few weeks since the outdoor movie night. You were looking around in the kitchen for something to eat when you heard Sam make cooing noises from his place on the couch. You turned to see him flipping through a small book. You walked up to him to see what he was doing.

“What are you doing?” you asked. He looked up from the book and smiled.

“Just lookin’ at your baby pictures.” He said. 2 or 3 of them were from the 40’s that Steve had in his uniform pockets while he was looking for you when you were kidnapped by HYDRA. Others were pictures that Steve took of you during the year that you lived in an apartment when you were 5 or 6. The rest were pics that the team took of you as you were growing up after you moved to the tower then the compound.

“Aww, look at you here.” Sam said, pointing to a picture of you with cake on your face. You internally cringed. “So adorable! With your little bows and everything.” He chuckled. You rolled your eyes.

“I’m not adorable Sam.” You said.

“Oh, so you think you’re grown now? That you're not adorable anymore?” Sam asked amused, raising an eyebrow at you. You pursed your lips and crossed your arms.

“I may not be grown but I’m not adorable.” You sass. Sam chuckled at that.

“Well I have proof right in this book that says otherwise. Look .“ he smirked, flipping through many pictures or tea parties, days in the pool, the team playing dress up with you, and much more. Through them all, Sam was cooing the while time. You groaned and covered your face in mild frustration. You flopped down on the couch and sat there with your arms crossed. Sam didn’t pay you any mind at your little attitude and just kept looking through the book.

Bucky walked in at that moment and noticed your body language. “What's y/n so worked up about?” he asked Sam. “I mean, I know she’s talking to you and that’s enough to make anyone upset but is there any other reason?” he said, smirking a bit when Sam rolled his eyes.

“Little y/n here is getting all blushy because I keep calling her adorable.” He says, going the extra mile and pinching your cheek. You whined and leaned way from his touch.

“I am not!” you could feel your face heat up. Bucky chuckles.

“Aww this is what you're cranky about? You are adorable! Look at these pictures of when you were a baby; just precious!” he says, taking the book from Sam. You growled and slumped down further on the couch. And so begins the endless teasing session.

“Look she's pouting. How cute. But as adorable as that is, I don’t know how I feel about having a pouty y/n. Buck?” Sam asked.

“Oh, absolutely not. We can’t have that! We love a happy girl!” You pout even more to show your annoyance.

“Nothing seems to work, Buck. What do you suggest we do?”

“Well, I suggest we do the thing that always makes her smile when she's pouty!” he smirked. Your eyes widened at that and you tried to make a run for it. Of course, the super soldier got to you before you could and thew you back on the couch. You were already giggling, your annoyed facade melted away. Nervousness overcame your senses as you realized not only Bucky is about to tickle you to pieces but Sam as well.

“Wahahait! Guhuhuys! I wont pout anymore I promise!!” you begged. Sam raised an eyebrow at you.

“But will you admit you're the most adorable thing ever?” he teased. You pursed your lips in a scowl.

“I'm not adorable!” you growled.

Bucky and Sam turned to face each other at the same time and nodded. “Denial.” They immediately pounced on you, eliciting loud and bubbly giggles. Bucky was wasting no time, drilling his fingers into your ribs while Sam was repeatedly squeezing up and down your thighs. You threw your head back as you laughed, keeping your arms pressed to your sides, even though it did nothing to stop the ticklish feeling.

“We can do this all day, y/n. We won’t stop until you admit it.” Bucky smirked, slipping his hands up further up to wiggle his hands under your arms. You yelped and erupted into high pitched laughter, kicking out your legs. Sam had gotten a hold of your ankle and was now scratching the soles of your feet, making you cackle. “Tickle tickle tickletickletickle! Aww look at that adorable smile!”

Your face was burning as you blushed and tried to cover your face with your hands. Bucky chortled and shook his head, lifting your shirt and blowing a long raspberry, tasing your sides at the same time. You shrieked and shot your arms right back down. “I CAHAHANT BREHEHEATHE!” You cried, shaking your head side to side. It became clear then that they really weren’t going to stop until you gave in. “AHAHAHAA OKAHAHAY OKAHAY ILL SAY IHIHIT! EEH!” You squealed and fell right back into hysterics when Sam started to squeeze your knee.

“Well? On with it then.” Sam said, not letting up on his torture. Bucky smirked, tickling your waistline, making your giggles more desperate.

“Lehehet me go fihihirst.” You giggled.

“NOPE!” Bucky said, blowing another raspberry. You arched your back with a loud squeal and finally gave in.

“NOOOHOHO OKAY IM ADOHOHORABLE!” You cry, scrunching up your neck when Bucky feathers is fingers around your neck.

“Damn right. And you better not forget it.” Bucky said, pointing a finger at you warningly. You blushed and turned on your belly to hide your face.

“Okay, yes, I get it.” You whine feigning annoyance. Bucky and Sam shook their heads at you fondly and left, leaving you to rest on the couch. You didn’t even realize you had fallen asleep until you woke up to the soft chatter of the team in the kitchen. You hadn’t opened your eyes yet and were still half asleep but you could tell you were covered by a blanket. Someone must have put it on you when you were asleep.

You stirred a bit and woke up a little more at the sound of chuckling and you sat up on the couch. You had wrinkle marks on the side of your face that was on the couch and you turned to see the team gathered around the island, having a conversation. Bucky has the first one to turn and see you, smiling and winking at you. You giggled, drawing the attention of the other team members. Steve smirked at your sleepy look and put a hand on his hip. “Look who finally woke up.”

“How was your nap, Sleeping Beauty?” Tony teased, taking a sip of his coffee.

You giggled again and fell back onto the couch to cover your blush with the blanket. “What are you guys talking about.” You asked, your voice muffled a bit. Steve walked over and sat on the couch next to you, lifting up your legs to sit.

“We’re trying to see where we wanna go to eat. There’s a nice new Wing place a few minutes out of Town Square. Think you’d like that?” He asked, rubbing up and down your legs comfortingly. You nodded with lazy smile.

“Alright, it’s decided then. Everyone get ready, we leave in 20.” Tony said, clapping his hands once. You got up and headed to your room to change.

-----

You had all just gotten seated at a table after waiting for a bit. The place was still new so there were many people there wanting to try it out. You sat next to Wanda and Bruce and across from Peter and Steve. Nat was sitting next to him. As you all were waiting for your food, you looked up to see Steve sit back and wrap an arm around Nat’s chair, kinda on her shoulders while Nat scooted closer with a small smile.

You grin to yourself and dig in your food when it arrives, making a note to yourself to tease Nat about it later.

------

You got home and followed Nat around all the way to her room, without saying a word until you closed the door behind you.

“So...? You and Steve have been getting pretty close, huh?” You asked, bumping her with your elbow and smiling smugly.

“What makes you say that?” She said, folding the rest of her laundry and obviously trying to play dumb. You rolled your eyes playfully and scoffed.

“Oh come on, don’t act like you don’t know. I think you should tell him and the team already; that you officially like him.”

“And why should I feel the need to do that yet?”

“Because... if you don’t tell him, I will.” Of course you were joking, you would never reveal a secret like that to someone. You turned on your heel and went for her bedroom door. “Oh, steeeeve!” You sang.

You didn’t expect Nat to quickly come up behind you and stick her hands under your arms. You immediately clamped up and fell to the floor in a fit of laughter. “Y/n don’t you dare-I will stuff you in my closet and keep you hostage if you tell him.” She playfully growled, following you to the ground and wrapping herself around you like a koala and tickling your sides. You were in hysterics.

“OKAHAHAHAY I WONT TELL HIM!” You cried. You were basically trapped in her hold and could do nothing but laugh your heart out. She dug her nails in between your ribs, making you cackle and arch your back.

“Promise?” She smirked, pinching mischeviously at your hip bones.

“YEHEHES, I WOULD NEVEHEHEHER!” After that, she let you go from the hold and you sprawled out on the floor, panting. Nat smirked at your exhausted state.

“Good.” She hummed. She stood up and leaned against the bed, her lips pursing a bit as she gulped. “So... how do you feel about it?” She asks a little more serious now.

You sat up on the floor and raised your eyebrows at her. “Seriously? I ship you guys so hard.” You chuckle. “If I’m being honest, I was rooting for you guys since... years ago.” You chortled. “I really hope you guys become a thing in the future. Just know I’ll always be your #1 supporter.”

Nat smiles at that, pulling you into a hug. “Thank you y/n. That means a lot. Really. I don’t know what would be possible of us if you didn’t support a relationship between us. Maybe now we actually have a chance.” She says.

“Of course!” You smile and return the hug.

-------

Tonight was Movie night with the team and you were snuggled up to Thor and Bucky. You smiled to yourself and leaned your head on Thor’s shoulder. You looked around to see everyone on the couches, sitting net to each other nd having their snacks with smiles on their faces. Right then, you had a moment where you became aware of the life you had. You had an amazing family that loved you so much and you loved them back. You wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. You glanced over at Ruby Anne to see her sitting net to her dad. You couldn’t wait until Ruby started to feel the same feeling you feel about your family now. You sighed happily, resting your head back on his shoulder.

“Goodnight. Love you guys.” You sighed before closing your eyes. The rest of the team smiled at you and bid you goodnight as well.

“We love you too y/n/n.”

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I hope you all enjoyed the series! this was really amazing and stressful and fun and interesting to write and although some of these chapters may not be that good, just know I put my heart and soul into this series and I was really happy to share it with you guys. <3

Remember if you’d like to request a plus chapter continuing this storyline, feel free to request one but please be specific as to what you’d like to see in that chapter. Thank you so much for reading! :D

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gottlem · 5 years ago

Text

you belong with me (gigi x crystal)

a/n - some of this isnt proofread so im SORRY if it gets messy at the end it is literally 3am. also this is my first fic so pls be kind i dont know what im doing like at all. (also keep a look at for slight jackie x jan) this was inspired by someone wanting a fanfic based off of you belong with me by taylor swift and i loved the idea so here we are and i am sorry.

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Gigi and Crystal are best friends. Growing up living so close to each other made them an absolute power-duo, for years on end they have been inseparable at all times. When they were younger, Gigi would sleep over at Crystals every single weekend and neither of them would ever get sick of eachother. They spent their nights giggling at nothing and making pinky promises “to never ever not be friends” and that they would be each other's “favourite person” forever, because they didn’t know that life can get a tad bit more… complicated when you start to get a little older. Living in ignorant bliss of the impending doom of high school, they would spend their time in their own little bubble, making the most of each other's company. In their minds, it wasn’t a question whether or not they loved each other. The answer was there without even having to ask the question, but of course they were too young to fully understand anyway.

In her early teens, Crystal would slowly realise that if young Gigi and Crystal were a boy and a girl, everyone would have joked about them being together with them being so close, but since they had been two little girls, they were just best friends in everyone’s eyes. Crystal would also slowly realise that ‘just best friends’ isn’t really where she wanted to stay with Gigi, but that truth wouldn’t come for another few years. She learned about the term ‘lesbian’ when there was a rumour in the 7th grade that she was one. It hadn’t fully occurred to her that girls could like girls in that way, but when she did google what it meant on a random wednesday night, it seemed so obvious. Natural. Of COURSE girls can like girls, they’re so pretty! Needless to say, it didn’t take her very long to understand that maybe the rumour was actually true- but nobody needed to know that. Not even Gigi. Definitely not Gigi. To be honest, she didn’t know where her friend even stood on topics like this, but they had never even talked about boys, so she absolutely didn’t want to risk bringing up girls.

In 7th grade, Gigi already knew what a lesbian was. She heard talks about her best friend being into girls, but she paid it no mind. If Crystal was gay, she’d tell her, right? Gigi could be trusted with that kind of stuff. Either way, she wouldn’t bring it up. Maybe Crystal hadn’t even heard about it, maybe she was completely oblivious. Yeah. That must be it. It was around this time Gigi realised she herself might like girls. But it had nothing to do with Crystal. Nothing at all. In fact, the topic of relationships had never even come up between them. In 8th grade, Gigi started to get little crushes, exclusively on girls. This was the year she decided she was a lesbian. By then, the rumours about Crystal were long forgotten, but her friend’s sexuality was almost always in the back of Gigi’s mind. Crystal had never expressed interest in boys (or girls for that matter), but then again neither had Gigi. She knew she would have to come out to Crystal at some point - there was no WAY she was hiding a future girlfriend from her best friend.

One night in the summer before 9th grade, Gigi slept over at Crystal’s house. Just like old times, except now both girls had quite a big secret they were hiding from each other, completely unbeknownst to the fact that it was the exact same secret. Gigi was going to tell her by the end of the night. She was SURE of it. The hours passed like minutes and before the girls knew it, the sun had completely set outside and the moon shone down into Crystal’s brightly coloured bedroom (some would think it’s decor is all over the place, but Gigi would describe it as being perfectly Crystal). The pair had settled into a slow, but somehow not very sleepy conversation despite the time, by around 1am. If Gigi was going to tell her, it was now or never. Before she could change her mind, Gigi had looked Crystal in the eye and started with “I really need to tell you something”. She had rambled on about how much she trusted Crystal, and how much she wanted her to accept this. Crystal didn’t have any idea what Gigi could possibly be leading up to, but she did absoluetly not expect to hear “I’m gay, Crys” coming from her friend’s mouth at 1 in the morning.

The confession left Crystal speechless. Of course she didn’t judge Gigi, she was gay too! She was just shocked. How long had Gigi known? How long have they both known and didn’t tell eachother? It took Gigi’s tearful eyes and furrowed brows to tear Crystal out of her overthinking. Shit. She hadn’t even responded.

“Crystal. Are you mad? Oh my god you’re mad aren’t you? Or like weirded out? I can go if you want. I get if you’re like uncomfortable with me staying over now-”

“Gi”

“-I don’t have to sleep in your room. I’m sorry I told you. We never talk about this kind of stuff why did I think telling you would be ok? I-”

“Gigi!” Crystal shook Gigi’s shoulders to get her attention. Her eyes were bloodshot and Crystal cursed her brain for short circuiting when it did. She knew she had to tell Gigi now.

“Me too” her voice came out as a whisper, but it cut through the silence of the room with ease. It was Gigi’s turn to be stunned into silence. Neither of the girls said anything. Crystal just hugged her friend. She didn’t stop until they woke up in the morning. That week, Crystal let her eyes linger on her friend a little longer than normal every time they passed each other at school. She found herself re-typing text messages and doing anything to speak to Gigi. She knew what all this meant, but she would not tell Gigi. It was just a little crush. Everybody gets little crushes.

10th grade rolls around far too quickly than anyone would like to accept. Gigi and Crystal are as close as ever. Well, as close as ‘just friends’ can be, much to Crystal’s (hidden) dismay. Jan and Jackie, who had become very good friends with the pair in 9th grade, would constantly tease Crystal about her not-so-small-anymore crush on Gigi when the other girl wasn’t looking. Of course, Crystal hadn’t told them, but it wasn’t necessarily difficult for the couple to figure it out when she would stare at Gigi every chance she got. The teasing only got more painful about a month into 10th grade, when Gigi started dating the new student, Nicky. Suddenly, Crystal felt herself become awkward around her best friend - someone she used to feel so free with. It was easier to pretend she wasn’t falling in love with her when she was single. But now, now she had someone to be jealous of. Someone to remind her that clearly she’s just not good enough for Gigi. Every now and again, Gigi wouldn’t show up to their usual lunch table, leaving Crystal to third wheel with Jan and Jackie. On these days, Crystal didn’t bother looking for Gigi, she knew who she was with, and frankly she couldn’t bear to see them together. When she first saw the couple kiss, it made her stomach drop. Gigi was waiting for the bus when her friend sat next to her and made easy conversation. They were smiling and laughing until Nicky’s car (because of course she could drive) came to pick Gigi up. When she got in the car, the couple shared a moment far too intimate for Crystal’s liking. She pried her eyes away until she heard the car leave.

By Winter break, Gigi and Nicky had been dating for three months. Crystal wasn’t very familiar with how their relationship was going - she knew it would only hurt her if she always asked Gigi about it. If Gigi wanted to talk to her about it, she would bring it up, and apparently Gigi really didn’t want to talk to her about it. Crystal was fine with this. Well, Crystal was fine with this until there was a knock on her door at 11:58pm on a December night coming from the one and only Gigi Goode. Who was crying. Like, really crying. Crystal took the girl's hand and rushed her to her room, sitting her on the bed they had shared (platonically!!!!) many times before. She let her cry. Crystal had learned in her 16 years of life that sometimes, you just gotta cry. Still, the sight of her friend sobbing so much wasn’t an easy one to digest, nor was it one she had seen often.

After god only knows how long, Gigi’s cries had died down, she was in Crystal’s pyjamas (which Crystal thought was too much for her brain to handle right now, but considering the situation she pushed these thoughts the the back of her mind, as if she hadn’t tried that for the past year anyway) and she was holding a glass of ice water between both hands. It was Crystal who broke the silence.

“What’s up?” She was quiet, scared that speaking too loudly would cause the fragile girl infront of her to break down again. But she didn’t. Her brows furrowed and she had a look on her face that Crystal couldn’t quite place, something she wasn’t used to by any means after being friends for a good ten years now.

“It’s nothing. Me and Nicky just had an argument”

“And this is why you came to my house in hysterics in the middle of the night in Winter. Ok, sure.” She deadpans. Gigi gave her a look as if to say ‘you bitch’ but there’s a fondness behind it nonetheless.

“Ok fine. It’s more than nothing. It feels like all we ever do is argue anymore. We do like, two things; we argue or we mess around, yknow? And I’m kind of sick of it! It’s like I’m here for her to make out with and that’s all that we have going for us. That’s the only good thing. And shouldn’t there be more? Shouldn’t there be romance, and dates and shouldn’t we be able to be stupid in front of eachother and-” She started to cry again, though not as intense as before, definitely enough to stop her little rant. Crystal thought it was for the better, if she heard anymore of that she might start crying herself. She could give Gigi all of that. Hell, she already did for the most part.

Crystal was torn. She wanted to tell Gigi she should break up with Nicky. She knew it would be for the better, for both of them, but she still felt like it would be selfish of her to give that advice. She didn’t want to accidentally take advantage of Gigi, with her being in such a vulnerable space. So she tells Gigi the facts - well, she didn’t really have much (or any) experience so they could be completely false, but to her they seemed quite solid.

“Couples have honeymoon phases. They can’t keep their hands off each other because they’re so obsessed with this new person they have all to themselves and people get carried away. It’s human nature. But that dies down, or it should. Eventually. Couples argue. It’s healthy to disagree and make up every now and again but there comes a point where it’s just too much. I think you know where that point is. I can’t make it up for you, it’s not my relationship, babe” Crystal let the pet name slip without thinking too much about it. She was tired and it was a school night, and her friend was upset. She told herself it meant nothing. Gigi hugged her and fell asleep quite quickly, exhausted from her emotions having taken over.

Nicky was beautiful. Drop dead gorgeous. Painfully stunning. This was a fact, this was understood by boys and girls alike, gay straight or bi. Gigi was lucky to have her, or maybe she wasn’t. Crystal didn’t know anymore. She could see why Gigi had clearly fallen so hard for the french girl, with her fashion forward style and her thick accent that Crystal had no option to admit was just plain sexy. Again, this was all fact. Gigi was also beautiful. That’s why everyone loved them together. Aesthetically, their relationship just worked. But Crystal had a tear stained pillow and a broken girl to prove that aesthetics mean nothing unless there’s love there too. And Crystal loves Gigi. She always has, and probably always will. Crystal didn’t like Nicky. She didn’t like the knowing glares she would get as they passed each other in the hall. It was as if the french girl could read her damn mind and she didn’t like it one bit. It wound her up to no end. She also didn’t like how she would argue with Gigi until she would cry and cry and run to Crystal’s house, sobbing into her pillow. It became routine. The pillow was pushed to the side, specifically for when Gigi came to cry her mascara onto it. Nicky would always apologise the next day. Gigi would always accept it. Crystal felt more and more hopeless.

A few months later, the routine continues. Gigi sends Crystal a text one night in February at around midnight, to say she’s coming over (a new-ish development in the all too familiar routine) and Crystal prepares the signature glass of water and the tear-soaked pillow for her friend. When she opens the door after Gigi’s knocking, she is met with no tears. Actually, she is met with a smile. Crystal just stands there. Gigi walks casually up the staircase and into Crystal’s bedroom, taking the glass of water and sitting cross-legged on her bed, hugging the pillow, but not for emotional support - because it's just comfier. Crystal follows her, a million questions on the tip of her tongue. She sits opposite to Gigi.

“I broke up with Nicky”

Oh.

OH.

“Just now? Oh my god, are you ok?” Crystal hears herself replying before she even knows what to say, she’s glad she didn’t say something stupid.

“No actually, I broke up with her this morning. I was talking to Jan and Jackie about it earlier, but you weren’t there. Plus, I wanted to tell you like this anyways. Here. Feels like tradition. Like it’s come full circle.”

“Are you sure you’re ok though?” It’s honestly creepy to see Gigi so calm over Nicky, after all the tears she had spilled before.

“Yeah. I think it truly ended a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

It’s silent. Crystal feels tense. Like there’s something else to be said, like something else is going to happen. And she’s right. Because when she looks up, Gigi is staring at her, pupils wide and ears red. Crystal feels like she’s under a microscope. A breath gets stuck in her throat. Gigi giggles at it. She giggles and she inches forward. She inches forward and lifts her hands. She lifts her hands to Crystal’s face. And they’re kissing. They’re kissing and Crystal is smiling. When they pull away, Gigi has plump lips and a dumb smile on her face. Crystal loves it. They sit there for a minute, just staring at each other. Letting each other give the moment a second to sink in. When it does, they laugh. And then they talk about it. And then they kiss some more. And then they fall asleep. So what if it took Gigi a bad relationship to see what was standing right infront of her? Now they have each other, and that isn’t going to change.

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way-veee · 5 years ago

Text

yān yǔ

rating: m

genre: romance, fluff, comedy, wayv being absolute crackheads

word count: 1.5k +

pairing: reader x wayv

pt. 4

you were typing up a section of your school report that was due yesterday in the cafe attached to the building that wayv was staying at. you’d been so focused on wayv that you only started it today.

your hands felt numb from typing as you wrote paragraph after paragraph in the afternoon sun with an iced latte. then you feel a hand on your back.

“hi!” kun says smiling. you smile back, you really liked kun. he was always nice to you and the boys and he seemed fun to be around. you just wondered why he was here.

he probably saw the confusion on you face, but ignored it. “what’re you doing?” he asks casually.

“oh im working on a school report.”

he nods, “i miss school.”

“did you.. go to school?”

he blushes at you embarrassed.

“nonono not like that” you laugh, “im genuinely curious, when you were training did you go to school?”

“i became a trainee after i finished high school so i didn’t have too unlike most trainees.”

you nod, curious. “do you ever think you’ll want to do any future schooling?”

taken a back by your question he thinks for a moment.

“ i’d like to get a degree in aviation or aeronautical science.”

you look at him shocked. of course idols could be smart, but for some reason the thought never occurred to you here.

“wow...” you say. “that’s so fascinating... for any particular reason? or,”

he chuckles at how surprised you were. “yeah, i’ve always been interested in aircraft and that aspect of science. i tried to start training for a plane license, but it didn’t work at the time. i think i’ll have to wait a bit before i try again.

you know that “didn’t work at the time” meant that sm didn’t let him move forward with his training and “wait a little bit” meant when he was done performing and in his forties.

you decided not to say anything else, if you could just finish your stupid school work, you’d be free to work on your “plan” that with the boys.

“what do you study?” he questions, expecting you to say journalism or english.

“archaeology and linguistics.” you reply, frowning at your hypothetical coliseum excavation report.

“whoa.” he laughs, he was not expecting you to say that. you had to be crazy smart to study archaeology. and linguistics? no wonder you knew chinese you probably knew multiple languages. you were such a mystery it was astounding.

“that’s... um...” before he can embarrass himself even more or trip over words and blush in your face, he remembers why he came to see you in the first place.

“oh, when you get a chance, we wanted to talk to you in our room.”

“sure, i can come now if that’s okay”

he nods and smiles again. so you pack up your laptop. “am i allowed to be in your rooms?” you question.

“well, not exactly. but its not like we’ve never had strangers in there. as long as the staff members don’t come in,” he stops talking and faces forward red cheeked yet again.

because you didn’t have to think too hard on what type of strangers they would let into their bedrooms.

“its okay. i’ll put my hair up in a hat and if any of them come in they’ll just think i’m winwin.”

kun laughs hysterically at this and you grin. you liked making him laugh.

when you entered one of the boys bedrooms it was like you were a convict walking into a court hearing. all of the boys sat stone faced on the beds looking up at you.

then, amidst the thick quiet you hear xiaojun yawn, then winwin punches his exposed stomach for some reason and xiaojun squirms backwards falling on ten who yells hysterically and accidentally hits lucas in the face.

while all this is happening kun doesn’t blink an eye and looks at them with an “im done with these crackheads” look and just stands beside you.

you just stand there wondering how they possibly fit that many grown men onto a single bed.

after they finish whatever they were doing they become stone faced again and you're forced back up to the podium for your trial.

“i brought her here because we decided to talk about the thing” kun says trying to jog their memory.

“what thing?” lucas asks.

“ya i don’t remember anything about that.” hendery adds.

“after the cooking show?” kun says through gritted teeth.

“what cooking show?” hendery says, actually lost.

kun blinks once, twice then pretends like hendery never spoke in the first place.

“we never really discussed the details and our managers shouldn’t be bothering us today. so we wanted to seriously talk about it.”

you nod, like these guys could be serious.

“thanks again for what you did that day,” lucas says, then looking at winwin to say the same. but he pretends not to hear and looks away.

it was fine by you, you didn’t do it for his appraisal, you did it because you wanted to.

the room falls into a kind of stale silence until xiaojun gestures to an electric keyboard resting on their table.

“we hear you can play the piano?”

you death stare ten for telling everyone but he immediately looks away like he has no idea what xiaojun was talking about.

“yes, i use to play a lot more.”

you really don’t want to play the piano right now. it was a sensitive matter and you’d definitely be awkward.

“can you play it for us?” xiaojun asks

“oh, no i don’t think i can,”

they all start to encourage you to play saying “come on” and “please,”

the piano falls in your lap and you try to protest as they turn it on. your face gets really hot because of this stressful situation. but then you all hear a knock on the door.

“boys? are you in there?”

fear enters everyone's eyes as the manager knocks on the door.

you thought that they weren’t supposed to be here today.

“uuuh just wait a second i’m naked!” yangyang yells.

you look over confused, “ you could’ve just asked him to wait”

before he has time to protest ten grabs you by the arm.

“we have to hide you now!”

“where?”

“i’m just coming to drop off lucas’s jacket he left, and i also wanted to discuss the fan meet details!”

“quick!” kun yells, shoving you under the white sheets of the bed closer to the window. as the manager walks in.

“here can i just leave it on the chair?” the manger questions, wondering why ten was lying vertically across the bed.

“um, okay. about the fan meet, the bus schedule has changed to 45 minutes earlier so be ready to leave in the lot at around 9:20.”

he keeps talking about their fan meet details as you majorly overheat under their thick covers. it didnt also help that ten was lying on your stomach literally crushing the air out of your body.

the manager finally leaves after what feels like an eternity and you gasp for air, sitting up.

“aagh!”

they all laugh at you with your messy hair and red face.

“did you really have to lie on my stomach?” ten looks innocently up at you after he rolls down to lie on your upper legs.

“hey i think i did a good job, he didn’t seem to notice anything.”

you stick your tongue out at him in revolt and he tries to grab it so you try to wrestle his hands down to his chest. after you somehow managed to push his hands down, you lean down on his chest as he coughs hysterically.

bet he didn’t like how that felt very much.

the boys were looking at you weirdly. so to break the silence you suggest, “why don’t we finish this in my room? staff members can’t just barge in because i am,”

“not an idol?” yangyang suggests.

“not worth their attention?” winwin adds

“you’re a laaady?” xiaojun says.

“you’re a ghost, like in the sixth sense, where it’s just in the boy’s head, but you’re simultaneously in all of our consciousnesses.” hendery says.

“how come i can touch things then?” you say lifting up ten’s limp arm and then letting it fall back down.

“well... you’re the kind of ghost that has an actual form and..” he trails off and you slowly say,

“ok.... well anyways let’s go there and we can discuss that more later?”

the boys get up and walk outside to enter your room.

you sit on your chair to let the seven boys take the bed. they inspect your room closely.

“wow your room is like way worse than ours.” lucas states looking disgusted around.

“ya you definitely got tricked, this must be a joke.” kun laughs looking at your small quarters.

“umm y/n?” yangyang says while pointing to a white lacy bra you had left on the ground at the foot of your bed.

“oops” you say slightly embarrassed. you go over and put it in your suitcase facing away from them purposely.

“okay,” kun says slightly blushing as well. “now for the details.”

you nod earnestly waiting.

“we want you to write an article about our mismanagement. its okay though, you can do it under a fake name so you won’t be fired, and we’ll give you all the information.”

“we need someone that’s good at writing to make the article readable.” lucas adds.

you laugh for about 30 seconds, and the boys wonder if they said something funny.

“you’re big plan is to write a strongly worded article?”

“well,” ten says. “it would technically be you writing the article.”

“I was going to write a strongly worded article anyways...”

“oh..” xiaojun says defeated.

“i had something better in mind” you smirk.

they look at you in surprise, you had thought of them.

“do you guys have access to your albums drive on the producers computer?”

“sure” kun replies. “they give us some previews of beats and backtracks for our lyrics. also while yangyang was trying to download animal crossings on a company computer he downloaded a hidden file with the passwords for all sm music producers accounts.” kun glares at yangyang remembering that time.

“what? I didn’t meddle with anything, I could’ve easily adlibbed on sunny side up, but I didn’t because I’m responsible...”

everybody just looks at yangyang for a few seconds before returning to the conversation.

“what i’m suggesting, is you guys make the title track that you’ve always wanted too. do whatever you want, make an amazing track and right as the other title song is about to be released and sent for album production. you switch it out.”

“i don’t know...” winwin states, “wouldn’t they figure it out if they previewed the songs, then we’d be in big trouble.”

“no,” ten says back. “if you’re on the laptop you could just change the file name of the new track to the one they want us to release, and it’d be a single encryption for the producers.”

“how do you know this?” lucas replies.

“yeah you’ve never taken any computer classes hyung.” xiaojun replies.

“hey, we do things a little differently over in thailand. you need to be good a whole bunch of things.”

“literally one of the only videos that we have of you in thailand is with red spiked hair rapping baby by justin beiber.” hendery yells at ten.

ten’s ears turn red immediately as he yells “okay but i also learned a lot about computers there too!”

“i think you just like to watch a lot of porn on company laptops.” lucas says.

the boys break out into laughter as ten just slowly nods in agreement.

“do you guys like the idea? we can start working on it right away and I can also release an article on the song so the producers cant recall it.”

“okay.” kun says looking at wayv. “should we do this.” he looks at the others and you feel very out of place so you get up to leave.

“where are you going?” xiaojun asks softly.

“oh, i was just gonna give you guys a minute.”

the boys look up at you with big round eyes.

“but we want you here.” yangyang says.

“yea, you’re apart of this too y/n, without you we wouldn’t be able to do this.” kun says smiling.

you feel a large swell of emotions in your stomach at the boys kind words, you sit back down.

“we’re gonna do this.” ten says totally serious.

“we’re gonna do this.” they all respond back nodding.

“yay!” you jump up, “this is gonna be so fun! i can just imagine the coverage this’ll give the article! and you guys of course too is- are important i meant to say that first...” you stopped talking for the good of everyone.

they seem to find it endearing though, as they smile.

“alright then, we’ll start as soon as we get to bejing.” winwin says.

“wait but isn’t that in four days?”

“no y/n, we leave tomorrow, did you not hear the manager, or were you too preoccupied with my big juicy butt?” ten jokes.

“please never refer to your butt as big and juicy again, it was definitely the first one.”

the boys laugh definitely thinking of ten’s butt.

“okay, this has been fun but now i have to pack so..” you say it in a way so the boys would know that they should leave.

“oh, we don’t mind.” lucas says clueless.

“yea you can pack, you really wear the same two sweaters everyday.” winwin says smiling annoyingly.

“okay out for real now, i mean it.” they all get up and leave now, filing out.

they wave to you as they leave and you shut the door promptly. wondering how you got yourself into this mess, and how this was gonna end.

part 5

#wayv #wayv yangyang #wayv imagines #wayv kun #wayv xiaojun #wayv fluff #wayv lucas #wayv hendery #wayv ten #wayv winwin #wayvsmut #wayv x reader

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hanhan156 · 5 years ago

Text

The Pandora’s box chapter I

So this is it, I had to make my own Paulchard kiss fic as well even though there are several ones already. I had this idea for a long time and my head was almost like screaming for this to be written down, so here is the result.

Also, I had to break the promise with myself to make only fics with one chapter and I decided to separate this story in two - the two parts have quite different atmosphere and otherwise, it would have been super long.

Hopefully, you'll like my stupid jokes mixed with some fluff and even drama. The tension between Reesh and Paul is tightening!

The Stadium Tour is about to start and Till thinks they still need something to spice their show up a little – like a cherry on top. The perfect solution comes from an unexpected resource, leading into unexpected results.

One could even say that the Pandora's box will finally be opened.

Chapter I

Paul was awoken by distant chattering and panicking voices around. He opened his eyes slightly and saw blurry figures bustling around him.

What in the bloody hell is going on in here?

“Gott im Himmel, did he have an epilepsy attack or what happened? Shit, this is my fault, it was my idea in the first place…” Paul could hear Flake’s usually quiet voice, now loud and trembling.

“It’s nobody’s fault. We just have to make sure his okay,” Till interrupted the panicking keyboardist’s ramble. Of course, he was slightly alarmed as well, but he knew that in this kind of situation, it really didn’t help if everyone around you were being hysteric.

Even though Paul couldn’t see properly, he felt there was somebody holding his hand, stroking it softly at the same time. “I really don’t know what happened, we just have to wait…” the figure sobbed.

Paul got a bit annoyed about all of this. Why was everybody so upset about him suddenly? Without saying anything out loud, he decided he had to sit up. He wasn’t a cripple, for Christ’s sake.

But, his intentions were swiftly interrupted by strong arms.

“Let go of me!” he shouted and didn’t want to admit that moving had made him even dizzier.

“Shh, everything’s fine. You should rest now,” was the only answer he could hear from the same figure who had been holding his hand, now gently pushing him back to the floor.

Paul closed his eyes again and pressed his hand against his forehead. If he wouldn’t have had this terrible headache he would certainly have stood up and walked away from this - just like nothing had happened. “Okay, what’s going on in here?” He tried to pinch himself. Or am I dreaming?

Now, he finally saw that the person who had been next to him the whole time was Richard - his glossy eyes made Paul uneasy. “We…really don’t know, but thank God, you are awake again. We were so worried about you…everything happened so quickly, we didn’t know what we should do.”

Once again, a vague answer. “…okay? What’s going on in here and why are you looking like that?”

Paul tried to focus when his fellow guitarist looked at him straight in the eyes, his gorgeous face still fuzzy for him. “How much do you remember?” Richard’s voice sounded like it was coming from the distance even though they were so close to each other.

Paul tried his best to comprehend this all. “Well, something happened and suddenly, I’m on the floor and you all look like that. Please, can you just tell me, what this shit is all about. I’m sick of these unclear answers of yours.” He felt like the headache - which he’d had the whole day - was getting stronger when he tried to concentrate on thinking.

Till sat down next to them and sighed. “To make it short, you fainted while we were having a rehearsal.”

That sounded extraordinary. He had fainted before in school when he was an adolescent, but never as an adult. “But…why in the hell I’d faint in a rehearsal? Did something…unusual happen before?” Paul tried his best to recall but the incidents before were still so vague - and thinking still made his headache just worse.

All his fellow bandmates looked slightly awkward.

“Maybe Reesh could tell you it…more detailed,” Till managed to say finally.

It all originated from the day before when they’d had a meeting. Most of their upcoming spectacle was already planned - still, that infamous something was missing. Perhaps, some small details, or surprises.

“So, what do you think, should we…spice things up a bit?” Till asked while they were sitting around the round table which had become way too familiar for them during their rehearsals. Richard was yawning visibly - he thought that these meetings were the most boring parts of being a band. And in his opinion, the show was already great enough, so there was no point to add anything anymore.

“What do you mean?” Schneider asked.

“Something a bit unplanned, something which might shock the audience a bit - something political even, but not too much. I don’t know about you, but at least I don’t want to be in jail after our tour is finished.”

Everybody - expect for Richard, who was trying to annoy Paul by poking his toes under the table - tried to think something suitable.

“Hey, I have an idea!” Schneider yelled, and to Paul’s relief, his fellow guitarist stopped his aggravation finally.

“Okay, tell us,” Paul said and glanced his fellow grinning guitarist murderously.

“What if we dressed up as women? It was so much fun in earlier tours when I was Frau Schneider. This time, we all could come up with a female character for each other. I’m sure it would be a success!”

There was some amused snorting and slight giggling. Everybody knew that Schneider was fond of dressing up as a female, but he still didn’t have to suggest that every single time when they were thinking to add something new to their show.

Their singer was the only one who had the guts to say it out loud: “Schneider, even though you love it, dressing up as women is totally out of context. We already agreed that Bück dich is not included, and there are way too many costumes already, so I’m sorry to announce that Frau Schneider or any other female character is not gonna have her magical moment this time.”

Schneider pouted. “Yeah, every time when Till or Reesh has an idea, everybody agrees, but when I’m excited about something, you all think it’s Scheisse.”

“It’s nothing personal,” Till said with a sigh and tried to move the discussion to other subjects, before Richard would start his arguments against the drummer. “Okay, does somebody else have anything in mind?”

After another silent moment, unexpectedly, Flake raised his hand, his eyes fixed on the table. He was so shy and reserved that he always felt uneasy when everybody’s attention was at him. “I-I might have an idea, if it’s ok to tell it.”

“Of course,” rest of his bandmembers said all together. They still didn’t understand, why Flake always had to ask for permission when he wanted to express his ideas and opinions. He was part of the family as much as everyone else.

The keyboardist stood up and started his speech: “Well, in the era of gay rights, I was thinking that we could…well, this is perhaps a stupid idea, but--” He froze for a moment, and Till smiled at him and gestured. “Carry on, it sounds very promising.”

Flake cleared his throat and tried to force a smile on his face. “We could…umm…wave the rainbow flag at some point…you know, for example, when we are boating through the audience. And also…I don’t know from where this came from, but…some of us could kiss each other.”

He could sense the atmosphere getting a tiny bit awkward - or the truth was that everybody was just trying to comprehend what they had just heard, it had nothing to do with Flake. “I…it might be a bit shocking for some people, but not too much, or at least I think so. Besides, it might raise some interesting reactions from the media. Definitely not everybody’s gonna like it, but we could ask ourselves, when our band hasn’t been controversial.”

When Flake stopped, he dared to look at his bandmates, but couldn’t read anything from their expressions. He suddenly started to panic and stuttered: “E-es t-tut mir l-leicht, it was a bad and b-boring idea…maybe Reesh or Paul has something better. I-I’m not good at this…”

Till raised his hand. “Stop it, Flake.” Then he stood up and approached the embarrassed man who was still in front of everyone. Till put his hands on his friend’s shoulders and slowly, a smile was curving on his face. “That’s…a brilliant idea! I’ve always thought that you really are a genius!” Then, to Flake’s horror, Till hugged him. Everybody else was nodding and showing their agreement as well.

“Have to admit, it’s a good idea…”

“Not bad at all…”

Till and Flake came back to the table, the latter man resembling a ghost. Usually, when people were ashamed they started blushing, while Flake always turned completely pale.

“I have to admit that’s a brilliant idea indeed,” Richard said. “So, who do you want to kiss, Flake?”

“I-I didn’t mean it should be me! I…was thinking that maybe someone else…” with better looks and more confidence, he almost added.

“C’mon Flake, it’s not so bad,” Paul tried to convince the keyboardist. “Besides, you can choose whoever you want from the most perfect alternatives of this universe.”

“The man has suffered enough,” Till said because he didn’t want Flake to be any more upset. “I have forced him to do Bück dich and I’m already gonna cook him in the show, so maybe someone else should sacrifice himself.”

“Besides, I don’t want to be involved in the fanfictions which might appear after the…incident, if we decide to include it in our show,” Flake added.

Everybody looked puzzled and Flake thought that maybe he just should shut himself up finally.

“What’s a…fanfiction?” Schneider asked, innocently.

Paul gave a laugh. “Seriously, do you live under a rock or something?”

“Well, I’m sorry that I have a life and I’m not spending all my precious free time stalking the Internet!”

Oliver, who hadn’t said anything yet, clarified their drummer’s question: “Fanfiction means stories from basically anything - or anyone - you can imagine. The writers choose characters from the media they want - for example, us - and write whatever they want. Somebody could write a story about us being vampires in a haunted medieval village or superhero cats in space for example.” Flake was totally relieved that he didn’t have to answer.

Schneider snorted. “But I don’t get it, who wants to make stories…about us? Somebody who doesn’t have any other life?” It was impossible for him trying to figure out, what kind of person would want to write a story about them and even enjoy it.

Richard looked at the distance with a dreamy look. “I definitely like the idea and I’m not against it if people are writing about me.” Then he turned back to Flake and asked: “Can you tell me, from where can I find these fanfictions or what were they called?” A sly smile was forming on his face before he continued: “And why do you know so much about them in the first place, may I ask?”

Flake was an old Star Trek and Star Wars fan, so that was why he knew quite much about Internet and fandom culture. But he didn’t want to it say out loud, that he’d been stalking Rammstein fanfiction as well - just for curiosity, of course. “Well, there’s a site called AO3, if you really want to check it out. But I’ll warn you beforehand, some of the stories are a bit…questionable.”

Richard raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by ‘questionable’?”

Just when Flake was about to answer, again, Oliver made it first: “They are, to be honest, usually pretty gay. Our fans are crazy, I can tell you. And if you want to be more entertained, just go to a site called Tumblr and put our band’s name in the search bar. You won’t be disappointed, I assure you.”

The newly learned facts just arose more interest in Richard. “That’s…fascinating,” he said and was about to start browsing his phone. This sounded way too juicy to skip. He could only wonder what kind of content there was about him on the Internet.

But before anything happened, Till took the phone from the guitarist’s hand and laughed out loud. “Guys, guys, seriously…just check your fanfictions, or whatever they are, later. Now we must concentrate on the show. Only a couple of weeks left, so we have to work hard to polish everything.”

“C’mon Till, you can’t say that you aren’t interested at all what our fans are writing about us!” Richard yelled while Till was busy hiding his phone.

“So, who wants to do the kissing? Any volunteers?” Till asked and didn’t mind about Richard’s piercing gaze. Their lead guitarist looked like a schoolkid whose dad had just taken his Gameboy away.

“So, you are not willing to do it?” Richard asked sarcastically.

“Well, if nobody else wants, I’m up for it, but I just wanted to be polite.”

Richard stood up and announced: “I’ll do it, if no one else wants.” The idea of being involved in fan stories was alluring indeed and besides, he liked to be the center of attention.

“Very well,” Till said.

“So, who am I gonna kiss?”

“You can choose yourself, of course.”

In his heart, Richard already knew the answer, but still, he tried to make the atmosphere tense and was acting like he had hard time choosing. “The one who will have the honor to be kissed by me, is…”

Richard looked one by one at all his familiar bandmembers gathered around the table. Flake was out of question. Oliver was like kissing a tablecloth, so not very tempting. Kissing Till was quite boring, and he was already busy enough on the stage. Schneider would have been a nice alternative, but he was behind the drums all the time, so it might be a bit difficult. That left him only one - and the best - alternative.

“…Paul,” he announced finally, smirking like an idiot to his fellow guitarist.

Till turned to Paul. How I am not surprised at all. “Is it okay for you? And of course, we can rehearse it and stuff, no worries about it.”

“Yeah, it’s…fine,” Paul answered, trying to sound cool even though he felt a bit unpleasant twitch in his stomach when he visualized the kissing with his fellow guitarist. Of course, they’d had that awkward semiromantic moment before when Richard had showed his outfits, but this time, it was going to be public, for thousands of people.

Richard winked to Paul. “So, when are we gonna rehearse this spectacular moment?”

The day was going to end soon, so to Paul’s relief, they didn’t have any time left. “Maybe tomorrow, I really have to get home soon.”

“So, tomorrow it is then. I cannot wait,” Richard whispered right in front of the other guitarist’s face.

Paul was now seriously thinking maybe he should stay at home tomorrow and lie that he has a stomach flu. Then, he wouldn’t have to come and they all could forget the idea.

#rammstein #richard kruspe #paul landers #flake lorenz #till lindemann #christoph schneider #oliver riedel #paulchard kiss #fanfiction #my fics #Europe Stadium Tour 2019

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rk800hunter · 6 years ago

Text

Dramatics Final - Connor x Reader (M Rated)

Summary: Jealous/Protective Connor being jealous over reader’s close friend. Events lead one to another.

Pairing: Connor X Reader

A/N: Yikes you guys, this took forever... I'm so sorry... Also life is crap xD so I had to deal with that... I'm so sorry that this took forever to write but you guys pleaded for a finale so I couldn't say no! This is my first time writing smut, and I can tell you that I'm not good x.x Hope you guys enjoy and can look over the mistakes!

Tags: @captain-winter-wolf-aehs, @rosealexandersson , @alientrashbin , @honeybeelily , @dragonempress123 , @randomstuff-idontwannatalkaboutit, @sygin , @dylan-o-yumm @im-a-slut-for-connors-hair-flipp, @elaneth-elf-friend, @chisooyaaa (missing tags here too! Sorry!)

You were propped up against a giant pillow on the hospital bed, pulling a face as you stared at the hospital gunk that meant to be dinner, laying in the tray in front of you. You unappetizingly poked it with a fork, trying to will yourself to eat but your brain and tongue refused to cooperate. Sighing with defeat, you placed down the fork and stared out the window that you were nearby. There were only a few cars that rhythmically flashed in and out of the streetlights, as the busses hummed and sent the last workers the comfort of their home. You could hear the quiet buzz of the night life in the hospital outside your room. It was a pro-android and pro-human hospital that accomandated everyone. Like all hospitals, it was dustless, blinding white and smelt of bleach.

It had been a few days since the incident of the terrorism at the restaurant. After tending to you, Connor had left the ambulance to fulfill his job as detective whilst you were sent to the local hospital. Your mind had been whirring with complicated emotions whilst physically, it felt like you didn't know your body anymore. The doctors had checked you out and reported that they had found several broken ribs and a concussion of sort, leaving you with no choice but to recover at the hospital for a few days until they had allowed your release.

Connor hadn't checked in on you since you were admitted. You suspected that he was busy with Hank with the restaurant investigation but it hurt when the older, gruff lieutenant had walked through the door alone, bearing flowers and the stuffed Sumo doll. If Hank had the time to visit, then where was Conner?

You had timidly asked why Conner hadn't called or visited and all Hank said in a sour tone while he pulled up a chair beside you was "Even Fowler couldn't say anything to me, fucking classified Cyberlife shit or something."

Trying to not look so disappointed, you had nodded and smiled, moving on from the subject. However, Hank wasn't fooled and had smiled sympathetically, patting your hand. "I'm sure he has his reasons, kiddo."

[F/N] had also came to visit, only suffering minor burns from the “accident.” They had wholeheartedly apologized, blaming themselves that you were in this state.

“If I hadn’t came back, this wouldn’t have happened,” their voice had cracked, eyes tearing up. “Seeing you on a hospital bed...”

You had shook your head and pulled them into a hug. “I was the one that had asked you for dinner out, I’m sorry.”

They came to visit you often, rescuing you from the hospital gunk with take-outs and such. They tried their best to keep you smiling, cracking jokes and sharing more stories. You enjoyed their company but your mind was somewhere else. Or...should I say, on someone else. The one that was missing.

Connor.

You felt quite irritated, if not dejected. The longing and aching slowly turned into anger and resentment. He had said all those things to you and yet he hasn't shown himself for a follow up. It felt as if he was playing you. But it was Connor... The sweet, supposedly innocent android that took every joke literally. You didn't think he was capable of doing playing with people's hearts.

An android nurse with dark hair and light blue eyes entered the room, knocking lightly on the door as he did. "Housekeeping," he quipped charmingly. "How are the ribs doing tonight?" He was assigned to be your personal nurse to assist you with your recovery; making sure that you fed, wound was cleaned and that dirty bandages were changed every few hours or so, etc...

You turned to smile at him. "Hey Caleb, they're better."

Caleb glanced at the untouched food that lay on your lap and sighed, picking it up. "You can't always not eat the things we provide, [Y/N]," he chided. "Your bones need it to recover."

You rolled your eyes and stuck out your tongue at him. "Thanks, mom... It's not like you need to eat this stuff."

He laughed and set the tray aside before turning expectantly at you. "I am extremely sure your mother would have forced fed you. Lift up your arms."

You were always so flustered whenever he had to disinfect the wound and change your bandages. Whenever it was time to get them renewed, it meant that you'd have to take off your hospital gown and expose your entire torso to him. Sure, he was a professional nurse, but all androids were free and deviant which meant they were more human than anything. You hated feeling vulnerable, even to a professional. You reluctantly lifted up your arms as he carefully lifted the gown over your head. The bandages were wrapped from around your shoulders, chest and stopped just above your belly. You shivered as the sudden brisk night air crawled over skin. Caleb placed the gown on one of the chairs beside the bed and began rummaging through the medical drawers. He frowned and looked at you apologetically.

"Sorry, [Y/N]," he said with a sheepish grin. "I need to go fetch more bandages from the storeroom."

You pouted at him as he quickly left. You flomped back onto the giant pillows and stared and the polystyrene ceiling, sort of enjoying the feeling of the cold, smooth bed sheets against your hot skin. You pulled the sheets closer to your chest. Ugh. Being injured was such an inconvenience; you could barely move without wincing. At least the bones were mending and the gash was kept disinfected. While your mind drifted off into the void, you heard the door slide open again, sharp footsteps echoing against the tiles. It must be Caleb returning with your bandages.

"That was quick," you quipped.

You turned your head to your nurse only to find that it wasn't Caleb. Her back was turned so you couldn't tell who it was. She was wearing a hospital gown, skin sickly yellow and had long, messy curled hair. The woman was twitching weirdly, causing nausea to rise from your stomach.

"Uhm... Hello?" you greeted warily, propping yourself up with your elbows but keeping the blankets up to cover yourself.

"No witnesses..." she whispered.

You frowned. "Excuse me?"

The unknown woman turned slowly. Her eyes were clouded, white and wild. They were very unfocused as they darted left and right. Her mouth was slightly parted open and you could see a bit of froth edge from the corner of her lips. She suddenly pointed at you. You realised that hand was holding a scalpel.

"No witnesses!" she hissed, her twitching becoming more violent.

You had to quickly rack your brains. You won't about to die half naked. She had to be one of the patients from the rehab ward that took in red ice users. Only red ice would be able to explain her symptoms and psychotic outbreak. Whilst holding the blankets to your chest with one hand, you held up the other as if to reassure her.

"Hey, it's okay," you breathed slowly. "Like you said, no witnesses. It's just us two."

The woman took a shaky step towards the bed, scalpel still gripped in the air. "They know!" she screeched "You know!"

You swallowed, trying to keep your voice soothed and steady, as if confronting a wild animal. You just had to keep her calm until Caleb returns.

You shook your head. "No, I don't. I don't know anything. No one knows anything."

Suddenly, the door slid violently open causing her to jolt and scream as she rushed towards you. She was right on top of you when a hand grips the woman's wrist, stopping the scalpel from right above. She was violently dragged away from you and pinned against the wall as her arm twisted painfully behind her. The scalpel dropped onto the floor, echoing sharply on the tiles.

With crisp brown hair, Cyberlife uniform, and a composed form (even when restraining the struggling and screaming attacker), it was the one and only RK800 series Connor. You stared at him, your blood pumping with adrenaline. He doesn't look at you, instead focusing on the hysteric patient. One hand was holding the twisted arm to her back and another held a gun to her head.

Connor gritted his teeth as his eyes narrowed harshly. "It would seem that you have been indulging yourself in too much...fun," he growled. "You should've picked another room."

Was he going to shoot this poor lady? She was in rehab for a reason; it meant that she needed help. "Connor!" you called out to him in desperation. "You can't shoot her."

He doesn't even turn his head to acknowledge you. He huffed in frustration and you can visibly see his jaw tighten. "Call your nurse, [Y/N]."

You quickly jabbed the emergency button by the headboard. In panic and concern, Caleb had rushed into your room with his hands full with rolls of bandages. He opened his mouth in question but immediate stalled in shock after seeing Connor and the patient by the wall. He quickly set the bandages on the drawer and protectively stepped in the space between you and Connor. Connor's lips thinned as he studied Caleb. The woman had stopped struggling, quietly crying to herself. He pulled her away from the wall and threw her into Caleb who stumbled as he caught her by the arms. The detective straightened up and adjusted his tie as he glared at the nurse.

"Take her back to her ward," Connor ordered sharply. "If this happens again...I will not hesitate to shut this hospital down."

Caleb nodded silently and guided the disturbed patient out but not before glancing at you apologetically. As the door clicked shut, Connor turned to you, sighing in relief.

He walked closer to your bed and reached out to brush softly against your cheek. "You're safe now, [Y/N]."

His eyes were full of concern, warmth with a tinge of a plea. You searched them with your own, filled with shock from the incident but also how he had coincidentally arrived just in time. You suddenly felt anger as it shot through your chest to your head. Feeling your face grow hot with fury, you slapped his hand away.

"Where the hell have you been?!" you scowled bitterly. "It's been a week and oh wow, suddenly you think it's okay to just show up unannounced?!"

Conner tilted his head in puzzlement. "Are you angry that I just saved you?"

On good days, you'd think that his head tilt habit was adorable and quirky, but today was not that day. It made you even more irritated and the fire you could feel in your veins were probably more than enough to burn acres of forests.

Rolling your eyes, you threw your hands in the air. "I had it all under control," you scoffed. "I didn't need you to come and screw everything up. I'm not a goddamn damsel in distress, for crap sake. And plus, who are you to send me to a hospital and not even check on me for days, or even let me know if you were okay and-"

Conner cleared his throat loudly, interrupting your passionate rant. "[Y/N]..."

You noticed that he was avoiding eye contact, averting his eyes to anywhere but you. His cheeks were rising with red as he shifted uncomfortably and stiffly on the spot.

"What?" you spat.

The Android briefly glanced at you, scanning for a second before he blinked away again. He cleared his throat again and hesitatingly gestured in your direction.

"Y-you..." he stuttered. "You might want to cover yourself before reprimanding me."

You froze in realization. No. Way. These things only happened in drama series or movies. Your pulse quickened and the rising heat on your cheeks increased by 30 degrees. You looked down and he was indeed correct. With your wild gesturing all over the place, the blankets had fallen onto your lap, leaving your chest bare and open for everyone to see. Or in this case, for Connor to study and admire. You had forgotten that your hospital gown was removed for fresh new bandages. You let out a small, embarrassed yelp before you scrambled to cover yourself with the blankets, burying your hot face in it. Oh my God. Nooooooooo.... You whined in your head, mentally beating yourself up. You heard Connor let out a soft chuckle, making you feel even more awkward.

Scrunching up your face in the sheets, you muffledly barked. "Shut up and go away..."

Before Connor had a chance to say anything, Caleb had returned from his expedition, not looking too pleased. He stood by the open door and crossed his arms, glaring at the detective.

"I have rectified the situation," Caleb informed, offering a forced smile. "You are required to kindly remove yourself from the room so I may tend to my patient."

Connor's face visibly soured and his nose twitched into a subtle snarl. It was that software error again. The one that made him do strange things and scare [Y/N]'s friends away. He tried to self-diagnose quickly but the "feeling" is already overwhelming him. He really didn't like the idea of someone else touching you. Okay sure, he was your nurse and had taken care of you whilst he was gone but... It was still someone else. But now that he was back, Caleb isn't needed anymore.

You watched Connor warily as he took a slow step towards the nurse. It looked like he was going to assert his dominance again.

The Android detective towered Caleb who stood his ground but a little shakingly. Connor's voice lowered dangerously.

"Thank you, sir, but I will take it from here," he growled softly.

Caleb tried to stand taller, about to argue back. "Mr C-"

"Caleb, it's okay," you firmly interrupted, desperately not wanting a fist fight in your hospital room. "He will know what to do."

You gave your nurse a remorseful look before he nodded respectfully and left the room, clicking the door closed behind him. You buried your face into the blankets again, unable to look at Connor. After awhile, you heard him shuffle around the room and felt the edge of the bed sink as he sat down. You lifted your head slowly as you felt his hand along with a type of fabric gently press against your exposed back.

Connor was smiling at you gently. "It would seem like I am always patching you up."

You blew air through your nose in disbelief, turning away from him. "You did kick out the nurse."

You shuddered slightly as you felt Connor work his way achingly slowly with the bandage from your back to your chest. His hands were brushing ever so softly against you. He was sitting so closely, that you could feel his warm breath against your cheek and neck. You could see his pulse by the nape of his neck, quickening slightly. His brown eyes were looking down, but you could see that they were unfocused and filled with a certain something. You could see his pores and the small imperfections that Cyberlife gave their androids to make them more convincingly human. His front curl hung loosely by his forehead. Goosebumps were rising, giving away the fluttering feeling in your stomach. You felt yourself lean closer to him, closing the proximity between you. Your face was just inches away form his. Much to your delight, he responded by mirroring your movement as your thighs pressed against his. His LED flashed yellow. You could hear his breathing become heavier, his chest rising and falling in slight uncertainty, matching your own. Your eyes were filled with longing as you tried to search his downcasted ones.

You gasped as you felt his thumb brush against your nipple, sending a sensitive jolt through your body to your loins. Connor's jaw tightened as he swallowed uncomfortably, body almost desperately looking for more contact as he leant in further. He was still holding the bandage, wrapped from your back but he was hesitant to cover your chest. He couldn't avert his eyes from the beautiful sight in front of him. Humans were amazing, and this specific human in front of him was beyond anyone else in the world. You were beautiful, breathtaking and it drove him mad.

His eyes traveled from your chest, to your collarbones. He thought they were delicate and angled and molded perfectly to your form. He returned his eyes to your breasts, allowing his thumb to brush against the sensitive spot again, clearly enjoying the whimper that escaped your throat. Dropping the bandage, he cupped one of your mounds, softly squeezing and weighing it in his hand. It was so soft, smooth and just...so satisfying to hold.

He looked up at you, his eyes filled with that plea and passion he had held the other night. You returned his look with your own, trying to communicate that you needed him. Without a warning, he clumsily smashed his mouth into yours. He couldn't take it any longer. He needed to make you his.

You moaned into his mouth as you feel his grip on your one breast tighten. Your loins were tightening and you could feel it wetten itself with desire as his tongue pried your mouth open, fighting and curling against your own. His lips were so incredibly real. Kissing him felt like eating a peach that riped perfectly at that moment. Soft and sweet. Connor moved himself until he was nearly on top of you but not quite, not breaking the heated tongue wrestle. You whimpered slightly as he shifted to suckle on your lower lip. The air was filled with breathy moans and lots of shifting in the sheets.

You brushed your hands through his locks, pulling his head to the side, exposing his neck. You were about to attack but Connor stopped you, gently grabbing your chin and forcing you to look into his lust, clouded eyes.

"No," he breathed. "You don't do anything."

You gaped at him in confusion. "Wha-"

Your moaned loudly and your hands fell to grip the sheets as he unsuspectingly reached and rubbed his fingers against your sex through the gown. It reminded you how the hospital gowns were so easily accessible from the down under. You were essentially wearing a crappy dress. The detective tutted, shaking his head and smirked.

"Be a good girl," he purred as he gripped your wrists, pinning them above your head. "You don't want them to hear you, do you?"

You bit down hard on your lower lip, pleading with your eyes. You shook your head obediently. Connor nuzzled against your nose, closing his eyes. He inhaled deeply, taking in your scent. You smelt amazing... He didn't know what it was but your natural smell stirred a beast inside of him as he savored it.

"Wait wait, Connor," you panted, suddenly regaining a bit of your senses. "We are in a hospital. What if Caleb comes in? "

The detective gave you a coy smile and leaned in right next to your ear to nibble at you ear lobe. "Well then, he is more than welcome to watch," he whispered, sending shivers through your whole body. You closed your eyes and bathed in his scent and presence. He trailed kisses down your jawline, stopping to bite at your neck. You took this opportunity to softly knead his crotch with your thigh. Oh surprise, surprise, Cyberlife didn't miss out a single part in their androids; there was definitely something there... And it was big... He gave a breathy groan, eyes flashing passionately but angrily at you. He growled loudly causing your heart to accelerate.

Connor let go of your wrists and threw aside his jacket. You just laid there in awe, afraid to move or disobey. You were his now, under his influence and command. You may not be used to being submissive and obedient... But it seemed that Connor was in a dangerous mindset at the moment. You were slightly afraid but mostly turned on.

He suddenly laid beside you, causing you to look at him in puzzlement. Propping himself on one elbow, he gently cupped your face with the other hand. He stared deeply at you, searching for you.

"Unbutton me," he ordered firmly. You swore it sounded more like he was begging.

Without hesitating, you hoisted yourself until you were straddingly him. You pressed your sex against his trapped crotch, causing him to buck up into you. Immediately working on his buttons, you let the cloth fall open, unraveling his perfect body. You loved it when it was pristine white and vulnerable but this was fine. He was slowly trailing both hands down your body, tracing every curve and shape but carefully avoiding your wound. He let his hands rest on your hips whilst yours fell to tracing his chest. He pushed up against you and you gasped. The goddamn hospital gown was open from underneath, leaving you to feel every pressure through your underwear.

Connor grinned cockily. He bit his lower lip and raised an eyebrow. You stared at him in disbelief. This android...enjoyed torturing you. Get a load of that.

To punish him for taking you as an easy being, you swiftly unbuckled his belt and pulled both his pants and undergarments down, his cock springing free. Good lord, it was a sight. Throbbing and bouncing in the air, your eyes widened at the sight of a trophy. Seriously, Cyberlife, so much detail? Your loins pulsed and pleaded at you, wanting to ride it. He was about to protest but it was replaced with a stuttering moan as you stuffed your mouth with his member. You grinned with your mouth full. Serves him right...

You dragged your tongue all over his cock, wettening it with your saliva. Taking in all his essence, you bobbed your head slowly, torturing him. He was completely in your control. His body was both limp and stiff as you worked your magic around his trophy. You gently grazed your teeth against it, causing him to suddenly raise his hips into your mouth. He whimpered your name as you moaned, allowing him to feel the vibrations in your throat.

It was as if at that moment Conner realised that the tide has turned and he had to turn it back. He was under your control and he had to take control back, to let you know who the alpha male was. He pulled you up and out of his cock, as you let your mouth pop away. The Android gripped your wrists and twisted you firmly until he was on top of you. You yelped out in surprise, letting yourself fall back onto the bed. Luckily, Connor knew the best way to wrestle without hurting your injuries. He reached under and ripped away your underwear with ease. Your head was spinning and you couldn't control your hastened breathing. You felt hot and your sex was just burning with so much desire. You pleaded him.

"Connor, please," desperation leaked from your mouth.

Connor licked his lips, looking down at you as if predator looking at prey. His eyes were full of hunger. "Just because you asked so nicely."

He guided his cock into you, pushing in slowly. It was bliss. You nearly cried out in pain and pleasure as he penetrated you. He doesn't even let you adjust, pulling it out and pushing it in again. He grunted, eyes hooded and mouth agape. It was great that Cyberlife had a euphoria response in androids. It was even more amplified as a deviant.

He picked up speed, and you felt his throbbing member inside of you. You were so tight around him, slipping and sliding as he pounded into you. You whimpered out his name, begging him to go deeper and faster.

Suddenly, there was blinding white and then you spilled all over him. It was the limit for a Connor too.

"[Y/N]!" he cried out, allowing his systems to overheat as he came. It was absolutely intoxicating.

He collapsed on top of you, trying not to crush you with his weight. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer as you pressed your forehead against his. Conner nuzzled against your cheek, inhaling you all over again as if he was scared you would disappear.

"I need you, [Y/N]."

"And I'm here to stay. I'm yours."

#connor #detroit become human #hank #dbh #kara #markus #detroit #detroit: bh #connor x reader #detroit bh #fanfic #reader #deviant #fanfiction #reader inserts #dramatics #smut #m rated

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robertsbarbie-archive · 6 years ago

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Hey! So for some reason as I sat on my bathroom floor cleaning out the stuff under the sink I got this idea to make small playlists for people instead of a follow thing or in Kahoots with it? and want to fill their new year with maybe some new music or whatever and yeah. So these are all playlists for you guys that reminded me of you or songs I just think you’d like💕 (this is also why I’ve been so annoying the last couple of days asking about what streaming services you use)(also I love stupid jokes so be prepared)

Now please enjoy my suffering:

@sweetertayfiction : Asif, HEY LISTEN HERE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE IVE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS YOU WERE PROBABLY MY FIRST FRIEND ON HERE YOURE AN ANGEL HAVE A GREAT YEAR

@bisexualgorgeous : Hannah, I don’t know where to start, not gonna lie I was so intimidated by you and your talent but since we’ve become friends I’ve come to realize that you’re such an amazing genuine person with a scary amount of talent who I am overjoyed to be friends with. (Also fun fact the first edit that “made it big” for me was one that you reblogged and complimented and that still means the world to me. And thank you for taking a chance on me with daily Taylor edits)

@spendsmychange : Ellie, We’re both each other’s biggest fans. I love you so much. Your personality and talent is top notch. I’d burn at the stake for you and I hope you know how much you mean to me.

@getaway-car : Han, Throwback to when I had a stroke when you followed me cause I had looked up to you for so long and couldn’t believe you followed me. You’ve made me feel so appreciated. You’re so amazing in every way. Also, YOUR EDITS ARE SO FUCKING GOOD AHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM AND YOU NUMBER ONE HAN STAN FOR LIFE

@battledemo : Han, I don’t even know what to say. You mean so much to me. And being able to rant or talk about music with someone who gets it I don’t think I’d be able to give enough thanks. You’re probably my best friend, Han. I love you and would do anything for you 💕

@ciwyw2 : Maggie, HEY REMEMBER WHEN WE MET AND NOTHJNG IN THE WORLD CAN TOP THAT. But for reals you’re unreal, you helped me with my concert anxiety, you’re so funny and nice, out conversations are the best (also I see you reblogging my old crappy edits) rep tour kc will always be my favorite concert cause of you

@taylorsnewdress : Tori, HEY DID YOU KNOW YOURE GORGEOUS AND I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOU???? CAUSE I JUST WANNA SCREAM IT ALL DAY EVERDAY AT YOU

@diamondseaside : Tina, my New Years resolution is to make you believe I am Taylor Swift also hey did you know that I absolutely adore you in every way?

@ikywts : Raquel, Hello angel. Wow. Idk what to say. I just love you and you make my heart feel safe

@tshifty : Kristin, you are so fucking smart. Sorry, I just felt like I needed to say that. Because you are and the way you handle things is a plus. You’re also talented, funny, and just overall a great person. I’m so glad I’ve come to know you better.

@partayswiftie : Ash, I’m still bitter you walked past me multiple times at kc. (But that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you and that I don’t think you’re one of the most amazing things to ever exist cause I do. ALSO J TOLD YOU YOUD MEET TAYLOR BEECH)

@friendlyneighborhoodpegacorn : Emma, my biggest life regret is not meeting you at KC. I can only attest if to the fact that you don’t exist cause you’re peak humanity with talent beauty and humor and also Play With My Cats is on a whole other level of humanity so that’s all the evidence I need.

@lfthiswasamovie : Em, Have I screamed that I love you at you enough? Cause I do and being your secret Santa was just the best and no matter what I’m hear for you angel.

@fearlessthealbum : Emily, I still need to get you Fearless mercy sorry I forgot bb. Also, how is one person as hysterical as you?

@itsdarkandalltoquiet : Ruby, you are a very non annoying child and ily

@colorsinautumnsobright : Autumn, you’re so kind and intelligent and always trying to light up others lives I love you so much.

@teardropsonmyguitar : AMANDA, I feel like you need your own post tbh you have been so amazing and getting to know you has been a gift. FIRST BURN SLAPS SO THANKS FOR THAT. I’m really not sure what to say, but I love you have a great new year.

@lovemademecrazys : Vicki, The only thing prettier than your edits is you and your soul. You’re so amazing.

@bleachellataylor : April, I have more Bleachella memes happy new year

@millionlittleshiningstars12 : Adrian, you’re so amazing and I’m so glad we’ve grown closer

@imhereonthekitchenfloor : Catherine, PRETZEL QUEEN, I looked for pretzel songs and couldn’t find any I’m sorry (I didn’t try that hard cause I’m tired but I tried) I’m here for you forever I love you you pretzel angel

@1989deluxe : Nikita, I love you more than you love sad beautiful tragic

@nowcanwebabes : Katie, you’re an actual goddess I love you

@bunchsrebecca : Miranda, LISTEN BEECH YOU ARE SO FUNNY CREATIVE AND TALENTED AND IM SO GALD WE MET AND GET TO CONTINUE BEING BERDS TOGETHER ABOUT THINGS LIKE CRAZY EX GIRLFRIEND AND MUSICALS I LOVE YOU BYE

@beginagain : Julia, okay this isn’t a note for Julia this is a note for y’all GO READ JULIAS BOOK ON WATTPAD ITS SO GOOD IM ACTUALLY IN LOVE SHES SO TALENTED AHHHHHHH

@thslove : Kathryn, A Place in This World is a good song you’re just mean

@heartsremainbreakable : Sarah, you have taught me so much I’m so grateful for people like you in the world. I love you enjoy the new year.

@ialmostdos : Sarah, I love getting to see your amazing face everyday through Snapchat and your personality is one of the best.

@swiftie-in-red : Rainey, You’re so nice and we have so many common interests I’m so glad to have met you and can’t wait to talk more about Percy Jackson

@fearlessplatiumedition : Rachel, I 👏 LOVE 👏 YOU 👏 SO MUCH YOURE AMAzing

@eyesoqen : Karli, (yours will come later) you’re such a blessing to this Earth and I’m glad I get to exist at the same time as you

@ours-ssong : Elisabeth, (yours will come later) don’t tell Ruby but your my favorite child. I love you so much and seeing you grow throughout the year in so many things has been amazing. Also y’all did you know she decorates cakes! It’s so cool! She’s really good.

@thatonedollar : Siya, (yours will come later) Talk about heaven on earth, you’re such a caring angel and you have been there for me through some of my worst moments this year I love you so much.

Okay, so happy New Year! Y’all have made this one to remember if I forgot anyone I am so sorry, I lost a few brain cells doing this but just know that I love you to infinity plus one(also for people who got joke ones -its pretty easy to tell- I’m making you an actual one lol) and for anyone who would just like a random playlist these are some of my faves.

Please ignore typos I haven’t slept since Thursday (if that) love y’all.

#my friends #god im gonan feel awful if i dorgot anyone

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mrschangrettawrites · 6 years ago

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Acquisitions

Summary: Every person has their purpose, and yours has just come up.

Pairing: Luca Changretta x Reader

Words: 1692

Notes: FINALLY AN UPDATE AFTER SIX MONTHS FDKNGKDOFNGDKFNGOD god im so sorry it has taken this long to update but i've gotten a job since starting this fic and it's consumed much of my time, then the holidays were upon us and, well, yall know how it goes. but i got hit with inspo during my shift today so here it is! the long awaited fourth chapter! hopefully future updates wont be as delayed but who knows lmao. anyways thanks for waiting! minor tw for violence. Spoilers for season four, but it is v canon divergent so not really very many, reader is a WOC. I highly highly highly recommend installing the InteractiveFics extension from the Chrome store if you can. To add your name and last name simply install the extension, then click ‘Need to replace something other than Y/N?’ and in the value bar put Name and put your name in the Replace With bar, then click change! And be sure to tick Store this replacement so that you don’t have to do it every time.

Tagging: @kittiofdoom @justanothergal22 @sophspark @blinder-secrets @ree-duh @kamala-khaan if you would like to be tagged just lmk!

Just as the tension was getting to be almost too overwhelming, a waiter arrived with two menus, and you had never been so relieved to be served in your life.

“Thank you.” You said, smiling brightly as you took one and did your best to hide behind it under the guise of reading the dishes on offer. Thankfully there were pork free dishes on offer, which made you remember that you were going to have to educate Luca on Islam and it’s rules. Then you wondered if he would be as open and kind about there being another religion in his home as your father had been prior to his reversion. You guessed that Luca was Catholic, and while there were similarities between Catholicism and Islam, there were far more glaring differences.

“When we have our wedding,” you began hesitantly, “will it be in a church?”

“If I know my mother as well as I think I do, I doubt we’ll have a choice.” Luca joked. “Why?”

“Just checking!” You said quickly, going back to the menu. Even though there had not been a masjid in Small Heath, you had always dreamed of getting married in one. Your parents had to go all the way to London, so you figured that you would be able to do the same. Would New York have masjids? Would it have Muslims? Would it have Turkish Muslims?

“What's New York like?”

Luca paused, setting his menu down. “Well, for one, it’s a lot bigger than Small Heath.”

That made you smile. “I thought as much.”

“I don’t know, it’s just...hard to describe.” Luca drummed his fingers on the table, making your gaze flit down to his hand, and watch how elegantly it moved. “It’s full of life.” He said finally, his hand still again. “Everywhere you go there’s at least twelve dozen people around you, even at night it’s busy. Makes Small Heath look pretty sleepy in comparison.”

Your heart hammered in your chest as you considered this. Your mind ran wild with images of towering spires, roads that went on for kilometers, people dressed in all manner of ways. Your life had been a sheltered one, but that was all about to change.

A waiter soon arrived, asking for your orders.

“I’ll have the chicken Alfredo.” Luca said. He and the waiter both looked over at you, waiting for your order.

You began to panic as you had become too wrapped up in your thoughts to think of an order. “Oh um, make it two!�� You said, inwardly wincing at how your voice raised at the end.

But the waiter made no indication of noticing, merely made a note of the orders and said that the kitchen would get right to it.

You looked back down at your teacup, eyes traveling over the lines, both dark and faint, trying to figure out what they were trying to tell you, if anything.

“Have you had much Italian food?” Luca asked, and you were grateful for the distraction.

“Not really.” You said. “Just Turkish and English food.”

“Well I can’t speak on Turkish food, but English stuff sucks.” Luca said bluntly.

A giggle slipped from you. “It can be pretty bland.” You agreed. “I mean, the English have an empire that spans the entire globe, with colonies that have incredible spices, but they never use them in cooking for some reason.” That would never cease to bamboozle you.

Luca grinned and chuckled. “I know Matteo can’t wait to be back in New York with proper food.”

You furrowed your brow. “Which one is he?”

Luca raised a brow, but pointed at a booth just a few meters away, where you recognised two of Luca’s men. “The one of the left is Matteo, and the other is Frederico.” He explained. “Matteo can be a little hot headed, but he’s loyal. Frederico is more quiet.” His gaze went back to you. “And they will both protect you.”

While the notion of being protected and watched by gangster was far from a new one, the gangsters in question were usually men you knew well. You glanced at them nervously. “So, they’re ok with this whole marriage thing.”

“That’s irrelevant.” Luca said dismissively. “They’re soldiers, and they’ll do what they’re told.”

You knew that was meant to put you at ease, but it didn’t work. They had orders yes, but orders have been ignored before. And you couldn’t help but wonder how they really felt about their leader marrying some girl from England, who belonged to a family that not a week ago they were planning to kill. You fisted the fabric of your dress that rested on your lap.

“W-Why me?” You asked quietly. You had managed to keep the question away from the front of your mind so far, but you needed to know. “Why would you choose me? If you were going to marry anyone, Ada would’ve been the smart choice. She’s Tommy’s sister, and she already has a son, she knows how to…” You trailed off, face burning. “Well, you know.” You cleared your throat. “Why are you marrying me?”

Luca was silent, his unreadable, impassive gaze slowly going over you. It made the hairs all over your body stand up, in fact your surprised that the hair on your head hadn’t all magically sprung to life. “I wanted to repay a debt.”

You furrowed your brow. “Debt? What debt? You don’t owe me anything.”

“It isn’t my debt.” Luca clarified. “It’s my mother’s.”

“Your...mother?”

He nodded. “She hasn’t forgotten, how you got her out of Small Heath.”

Oh. You looked back down, face flushing again. “I didn’t help your mum to have her in my debt.” You said, horrified that that’s what they, the Changretta’s and their people, all thought.

“I know.” Luca sounded calm, patient. “My mother said you weren’t that type. But you still got her out of Thomas’s path, and because of you she’s alive. I’m just repaying you. Now we’re even.”

You nodded, slowly, still not sure what to make of this reason, if it was in fact the truth.

If you were completely truthful, you hadn’t been thinking at all when you had gone to help Audrey Changretta. You just knew that her husband was dead, after hours of torture, and you knew that Tommy wouldn’t have thought twice to go after her. You still remembered that day, as if it had just happened.

While the early morning fog had still clung to your ankles, you raced to her home, heart hammering. You were terrified that you were too late or that she wasn’t home, but she was there, tired and a little disheveled, but there.

“You have to leave.” You had blurted out. “I’m so sorry. Tommy’s killed your husband and you have to go I’m so sorry I really am but you need to go please, please just go!”

It had taken you a few minutes to calm down and fully explain everything, but once you had, Mrs Changretta did as you asked. You even helped her pack, and kept an eye out for any Blinders. You went with her to the train station, all the while telling her how sorry you were. You were almost hysterical, and in tears by the time her train arrived. You thought that would be the last time you ever saw a Changretta.

When Tommy heard that Mrs Changretta was gone, he was livid. You had walked in on him yelling at John and Arthur, demanding that they go out and find her, leave no stone unturned, no person unquestioned. He was going to have his pound of flesh, one way or another.

“She’s gone.” Once again your mouth had moved faster than your brain could think, and you stared, wide eyed, as the three brothers and Polly all looked at you in shock.

“She’s what.” Tommy’s tone had been dripping with venom, and it sent a chill all through you.

“I’m sorry Tommy but I-I helped her leave.” You wilted a little, hunched over, equal parts ashamed and scared. “She didn’t do anything Tommy! She-”

You were cut off by the feel of skin colliding harshly against your cheek, sending you to the ground.

In a daze you looked up, to see Tommy being restrained by Arthur and John, while Polly screamed at him.

“YOU DON’T RAISE A HAND TO FAMILY LIKE THAT THOMAS!” You had never seen your aunt so furious, and it had only made your state worse.

“DON’T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!” Thomas roared, eyes alight with rage. “YOU BETRAY THIS FAMILY AGAIN AND YOU’RE OUT!”

You began to cry. “I-I’m sorry Tommy! I’m sorry!” You wept and begged for forgiveness, but that had only angered Tommy further.

“Should ship you to fucking Istanbul!” He snarled. He paused when a child’s cries began to echo in the house, making him look at the ceiling. “And you fucking woke up Charlie!” Tommy managed to shake off his two brothers, and he glared down at you before getting out a cigarette. “I mean it.” He said, in his low, quiet, dangerous voice. “If you ever pull that shit again, I’ll put you in a fucking crate myself.”

Even after Polly got you out of the house you were sobbing, still saying how sorry you were.

“Don’t be sorry sweetheart.” Polly had said gently. “You did a good thing.”

‘Did I?’

“How is your mother?” You asked, trying to ignore the memory of the stinging pain from Tommy’s slap.

“She’s alive, which is what matters.” Luca smiled gently. “Thank you. I mean that. My mother is all I have left now.”

You nodded, swallowing thickly. “I would do it again.” You said, only realizing how true it was once all the words had left your mouth.

“Two chicken Alfredos.” The waiter had reappeared, carrying the dishes on a silver platter and laying them out in front of the both of you.

“Grazie.”

“Thank you so much.”

The waiter nodded before moving onto another table.

“Still can’t believe you people don’t tip.” Luca said, sounding genuinely mistified.

“What’s a tip?”

#luca changretta x reader #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders fic #peaky blinders x reader #GUESS WHO'S BACK #BACK AGAIN

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my-anonymous5444-blog · 5 years ago

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My Story

---Hey guys sorry about being a downer i’ve just been wanting to share this for a long time

2017

Hello im 13 years old. i wish i was dead. If wasn’t for my family i would be dead right now. When you commit suicide you just pass on the pain to someone else so i refuse to kill myself because I love my family too much. I don’t have any true friends and i hide my true self behind multiple masks and i think the farthest anyone outside my family has ever gotten is 2 masks down. I believe i have at least 4 that i hide behind that’s why i don’t have any true friends. The only ones i do have are always putting me down or are just pretending to be my friend. I’m all alone. My sister knows me the best. But even when i’m with her i wear a mask. I feel so alone. Sometimes i wish that i didn’t have a family or anyone i cared about so i could just die and get it over with. I don’t tell anyone i want to die because i don’t want to be a burden, so i just bury the dark thoughts in the deepest darkest part of my mind to the place when i don’t even go. I hate my life. I’m so done with all the shit i have to deal with, at this point i wish i was dead. I’ve cut my legs and arms before but my knife was not very sharp so it dulled quickly and now it won’t cut skin so can’t do that anymore. I wish i was someone else. I think i’m not interesting and i hate myself. Everytime i take pills i think of overdosing, when i visit tall buildings i want to jump, when i cross the street i think about jumping in front of a car, when i shave i think of cutting my wrists. I’m in pain and i can’t stop it. I don’t want to tell my friends because they will want to make me stop doing things i’m doing, like making myself throw up or cutting, but i won’t stop and it will be an endless cycle of me doing things and them telling me to stop. They’ll eventually get bored of it but they can’t stop telling me to get better because it will hurt their consciousness. I want to tell someone but i don’t know how. I don’t think i’m capable of feeling anymore. The only things i feel are sadness and depression and shame. I don’t feel happy or proud or anything else. The only glimmer of happiness i get is when i get other people to laugh. That's it. I eat away the pain but i hate myself so i throw up and cut and then eat more. There are so many things i can’t help that make me more depressed.

2018

Everyone says i'm smart and funny and worthwhile but i feel useless and stupid and irrelevant. I always wear a mask of strength and i say i never cry but i cry a lot and think way too much about what people say. I don’t know why but other people’s opinions mean a lot to me. Even the people i hate have opinions that i take to heart. i m always saying that i don’t want to get married or have kids. I say i don’t want to get married because i think marriage is a chain but actually i just don’t think i’m worthy for someone to love and i say i dont’ want kids because they are annoying but i don’t want kids because i can’t imagine bringing something i love into the stupid fucking world we have. The world sucks and i don’t want any kid growing up in it. I think i’m ugly and i hate my body. I’m constantly trying to numb the pain, sometime with movies or work. I wish i didn’t have to be born. I wish my parents had just had one daughter. I don’t want to die through suicide but i want to die. I find myself constantly wishing i would get shot or get run over or i would choke. I hate being alive.

Its 8th grade and i’m in costa rica. I tried to kill myself twice so far this year. i feel so damn alone and i dont think i can deal with it anymore. Im not with my family or my friends and im not sure how much longer i can hold on. I tried to slit my wrists with my razor but i dont think i cut my wrists in the right place because i didnt bleed that much. That was a week ago. Last night i was listening to rly sad music and id made me feel shitty. I tried to cut my wrists again and i did it right this time. I just kept cutting until i started bleeding a lot. I bled out in the sink . i had a panic attack and started hysterically crying. I had to be quiet so i was just sitting in the dark in the bathroom bleeding out with my hand over my mouth tears running down my face. I dont get it. I want to die but for some reason i cant kill myself. My life doesnt have any meaning. Im ugly and stupid and completely worthless. Everyone tells me i have to learn to love myself but i can’t i wish i was worth while, i wish i was someone else. This one girl keeps joking about suicide and depression and it makes me mad but im to fucking ashamed and scared so i just sit there and i dont say anything. Why do i never say anything. Why can’t i have some actual opinions and not just agree because im scared of rejection. I would be better off dead.

I finally told my family. I’m on medication and it seems to be working but not very much. They all say it will get better with time but i don’t want to live anymore i’m tired of it and im not even to the hard part yet. When i have access to alcohol and drugs i’ll probably become an addict because i’m scrabbling for a way to take away the pain. I can’t tell my friends because they wouldn’t understand. I feel alone all the time and i wish i wasn’t born. There are about 3 people besides those in my family that make me wanna live. Sophie, Celeste, and Audrey. That’s it. Sometimes i realize how dark my mind gets, like today there was a lockdown at school because someone thought that they had seen a man with a gun but it was a false alarm. While sitting against the closet i found myself wishing someone would shoot up my school so i could die and my family would eventually get over it. Then i realized what i had just thought and immediately was like stop it. I have so much stress and i’m not even in high school yet. I want to die. Even when i think about the future i get stressed out and sometimes have a mental breakdown. Someone please kill me. I was crying in the bathroom yesterday and some 6th grader heard me and asked if i was ok, i wiped my tears away and walked out like nothing had happened. Why can’t i show emotion to other people what am i so afraid of. Why cant i just be normal and express myself naturally?

2019 Im now a freshman in high school. I’ve been getting better and the medication has been helping. Sometimes i still think about wanting to die but i’m a lot happier. I have a group of amazing friends and i can be myself around them. They love me and i love them. I also just fell in love with a boy for the first time and its a nice change from before. I know people lose hope and give up. trust me, i’ve been through that and it sucks, but you keep going forward and things get better. I actually am enjoying life recently and i think it has to do a lot with going to therapy and trying to make more in depth connections with my friends and family. I still get pressured by my parents about grades and i can’t tell them a lot about thats going on. I’m addicted to nicotine and i think i may be getting addicted to alcohol too. It feels so good when your high or drunk. Im trying to make better decisions but its fucking hard. And old habits die hard. My mom called me worthless the other day. She said that if i didnt work hard i wasn’t going to go anywhere in life, which is accurate but it was like she was accusing me of not trying when im trying my hardest and im stretched so thin. I love my boyfriend. he makes me so damn happy and we have such a strong connection. I want to be with him forever and i want him in my life forever but i know he’ll find someone better and i can’t help but wonder how he’ll break my heart.

- I know its weird to share this online but i just want people that are going thr the same thing or have gone thr something like this that they aren’t alone

#mylife

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aimeetiggzx-blog · 6 years ago

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I Used to Think My Abusive Relationship Was My Fault. Now I Know I’m worth more.

I have spent most of my teenage years in emotionally and physically abusive relationships. Until a almost a year ago, I thought I was the worst kind of damaged goods, a girl who could only love men who hurt her I means that’s been my past since I was 15. 5 years now! I didn't want to talk about my experiences at first because I thought that my kind of pain was self-inflicted. If I was stupid enough to stay, I deserved it,

I know there are three sides to every story. In this article, you're going to hear one and that’s mine - Aimee Carver. I don't write this with venom. The men I've been involved with were handsome, smart, charming and talented. There were good times. The bad times outweighed them.

Most people don't know I've been in (to clarify again) emotionally abusive relationships. From the outside, I'd bet my life looks pretty great. Some parts of it always were. I guess I am proof that there is no likely candidate for abuse.

For a long time, I found my romantic past, when the hits started happening I started dreaming of all my ex-boyfriends again.

Trauma is a funny thing. It hides in the shadowy corners of your mind, resurfacing when all you want is for it to be erased from your memory forever.

I'm writing this for a lot of reasons. Some of them are:

I think abusive relationships are an epidemic in our society. It could help someone understand their friend, their sister, their daughter who keeps going back. It could help someone who keeps going back. Because articles like this helped me. Because what trauma really wants is a voice. To anyone who needs help, You think you are crazy. You're anxious all the time. Your heart beats quickly. You have a lot of questions for your boyfriend at the time that you don't feel like you can ask. You wonder if you're always being lied to. You spend a lot time in the past, likely when you first fell in love him. You apologize constantly two your new lover, When you explain your fights to anyone who will listen, no one understands why you're apologizing. You are always confused. You're high as a fucking kite when he's nice to you. He says "one small thing," and with an embarrassing clarity, you are reminded of all the parts of yourself you hate. How can he see those parts so clearly? You cry a lot, you hide a lot. Sometimes you know why. Sometimes you don't.

You are not crazy even if you think your going insane your not.

When you're with your boyfriend in my case my ex you're usually with just him alone. You feel weird around your friends and family, the people you used to feel the most yourself and safest around. You can't remember how to feel like yourself anymore. Now, being in your own skin is like a long dull headache that won't lift and then that slowly feels like normal. Pretty much all your thoughts about yourself are negative.

"I used to be funny, why aren't I funny anymore?"

You think you are crazy.

“Why ain’t I perfect”

“Why ain’t I skinny”

“Jumping over a hug”

There will be good days with your boyfriend. There will be miraculous days of exquisite and suffering beauty between you two.

The sad truth - On these days, you will feel better than the best and like everything's okay. You will believe that the chaos has made you stronger; that he loves you more than anything. These days are bright spots in the darkness that has descended upon you. They are the moments of hope that you'll cling to, your proof that everything is okay, until one wrong word is said and your in hospital due to his harsh actions.But at that time moments aren't a life. Moments aren't enough. You deserve weeks, months and years of feeling like everything is okay. You deserve a lifetime of that.When your relationship ends like mine did, you will drown in the confusing, competing narratives in your head, just like you did while in the relationship. Memory is going to be a weird thing for you for a while. Grief is a delusional state.

We really loved each other (so you thought) I could've helped him if I'd tried harder (but you tried and failed) I'm not perfect. And sometimes, I don't think love should feel like this.

The latter will be quieter, the former will roar inside you. Some days, you will think you left the most beautiful relationship and the truest love in the whole world. Some days you will think you are just hysterical and crazy and that you weren't being abused at all. Until very recently, I still had days like that. After you break up with him, you might not feel an immediate sense of relief, empowerment or really anything that resembles "I know this is the right thing." You will likely feel very alone. Unfortunately, coming out of the fog with your eyes open is more painful than slipping into one without noticing.

But just always remember: feelings aren't the truth. You aren't the worst off you've ever been. Expect the sadness. It sounds crazy but welcome it. That sadness is going to live in you for a long time and it will teach you a lot. I know you don't believe me, but that sadness is your friend. That sadness is your becoming.

Not everyone you lose is a loss.

Tell your story no matter how murky the details seem at first. Keep talking. Read every article you can find on abuse until you feel an intellectual understanding of what happened tunnel into you emotionally. The head will come first, your heart will follow; it will all become clearer.

If you're lucky like I was, you'll find a therapist that can help you. And now I’m in a healthy, beautiful, loving relationship with my boyfriend Louis. It’s early stages but it’s the best kind of love feeling ever. He taught me what love is like, he taught me care but most of all he taught me to be myself again and for that im greatful every single day to you!

Don’t get me wrong you will have to reflect on your past relationship. Don't blame yourself for not leaving sooner, and don't let anyone else blame you, either. In moments of trauma and shock the brain has a funny way of protecting itself. It's called disassociating. You have done a lot of this. You will remember about three months in your ex-boyfriend did something and it was like a mask was lifted. He showed you a person you had never met before. I mention this because statistically an abusive person will do something that throws you completely off balance within the first three months. Then, they will be really sorry.

You will come to learn that real love is not a cycle of cruelty, effusive apologies, a honey-moon period, then a dreaded waiting for the other shoe to drop followed by more cruelty. Abusive relationships are defined by this pattern. When you do leave, you will realize that the space that your relationship took up was enormous. It was, whether you knew it or not, the monkey on the back of every thought you had. When it's gone, the emptiness left in its wake will feel like an ocean around you

It will take way longer than you want to "get over it," and you will think you will never reach the shore.

You will. When I was newly single and going on dates, this is how it went. First, I dated blindly and way more than I should have. I was attracted to guys who were like all my ex-boyfriends, physically and emotionally. Then, I started dating people who were completely different but whom I was not ready to love. Like a teacher, I observed how they treated me with a confusing detachment and thought, "Oh, so this is what it should be like."

"So, this is what kindness is like."

Dating made me feel like the loneliest person in the world for a long time. I wish now I hadn't done it at all, but withdrawal is painful and uncomfortable. I was willing to try anything to feel just a little better. But trust me just like me your king will find his way to you and it will be a little weird at first but that weirdness goes and it will become the most perfect thing in your life.

But in every process till you are full over it You will miss your ex boyfriend in a way you didn't know was possible and you don't think should be allowed. You will want to get back together. Abusive relationships fuck your brain chemistry up. They're addictive, and the withdrawal is not fun.

Don't worry tho baby girl.. with time, your brain will even out. In awhile, you won't want to be with him anymore. Crying helps you detox, so do a lot of it( I still cry alone due to all the horrible flashbacks and memories) you just have to find someone who’s willing to understand and help you over come them not make them worse. So does sleeping, exercise, therapy, eating healthy, seeing your friends and laughing.

For me, alcohol didn't really help I broke down every time trying to kill myself due to the fact of feeling so dirty and broken Or I guess, it did, until it didn't.

When you're in the withdrawal phase, you'll begin to understand why you thought being in an abusive relationship was okay for you. You're going to have to look at a lot of your past and your inherited patterns it’s best to do that alone.. It can get heavy but knuckle through it. You can do it. I’m proof that it can be done.

You will tell people that know your ex-boyfriend about what happened and how he treated you. Likely, no one will be surprised by his behaviour. Likely, no one will confront him. This is one of the saddest parts of our world. You will feel like the last one in on a sick joke.

Your ex-boyfriend will probably never apologize to you. If you do hear from him or see him, he will make you feel crazy. He's really good at that (like sending pics of him and his new girlfriend kissing) He will likely minimize your history, dismiss your relationship and pull the rug out from under you again. The way he frames you and your relationship will be distorted.

I believe that amends can happen, but usually, not in a timely manner. Like you need time to really unpack and understand why it all happened, so will he. Now factor into this that you have the desire to understand yourself and your behaviour. The closure you desire is a myth and it's not reachable in one conversation. Closure happens slowly and keeps happening. You'll give it to yourself.

If you leave your boyfriend for someone else, beware. Until you truly understand why you were in the situation you were, emotionally and intellectually, your subconscious will have a sad way of attracting an identical relationship that looks completely different from the outside. This is not always true.

At first, when the fog is lifting, you will look at your past self with shock and disgust. Then, later, you will look at your past self with sadness. Then, with understanding. Finally, you feel the most visceral pride for the moment you left, even if you didn't want to because you did that on the blind faith that life might be better on the other side. You did that on hope alone. You didn't know what you do now. That's so brave.

“You are so brave”- the only words I need to hear yet waiting for it.

I know how scared you are. I still get scared. My years of all the recovery has been the most challenging and rewarding of my life. It's not perfect and I don't think it ever will be. I get lonely and restless. I live with those feelings. Actually, I try to understand them. One day, your life will look like a version of mine. Things will keep getting better and better, faster and faster. Good things will keep finding you. You will be really happy. That happiness will get so big that you won't notice how the sadness is lifting until it's almost gone.

My life is full of hard work, art, friends who love and support me, friends that I am lucky to know. I have more energy than I know what to do with. I am the most productive I have ever been. I sing, I dance, I have meaningful conversation, I rest, I laugh a lot, I stay out too late. I am closer to my family than ever before. I found my way back to my old friends.

Maybe I'm becoming myself again.

Finally, (I know you're worried about this) you will meet someone else. You will fall in love again and this time, it will be about more than your wounds matching up with someone else's. It will be different and it will be better(I’m proof of that too my new boyfriend is my world for all the good reasons) But something becomes more important to you than romantic love and it's called self-worth. It will feel like it happens almost over night, but you will grow to love the person you are.

You should.

You fought hard to become her.

So love her.

Love Tiggz

AimeeCarver

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