#I don't even attempt fanart of canon characters anymore because I just don't have time

[residueradiation]

It is so frustrating I have so many things I want to draw at all times but usually when I finally have time to draw anything I am not really enthusiastic about any of my ideas anymore. I want to draw 2 things a week not 2 things in 3 months.

[pluralforsheep]

CW: Nazism, TribeTwelve, swear words, (vent??)

Spoilers for EMH, Canyouseethewords blog, TribeTwelve and Sebastian's Journal.

Hi, it's me again. No shit. So. It's been like a month since the whole drama unfolded and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. I know things have quieted down lately, and like many others, I wish we could all move on and forget this ever happened. However, I can't simply recover from it, mainly because I feel the posts about me continue to spread on this platform, radiating the negativity and false info about me to this day. This drama has been devouring me for a long time now, and I've decided to make another post. I gotta admit I haven't been 100% honest in my previous post, it was more of my attempt to back off, cry over it and avoid this drama. But I'm not doing that again. I'm done pretending and I'm tired of being nice and tolerating others when they're completely misguided. I'm fucking angry. That's why I decided to make one more post about this and I have so many things to say. This is not another apology post, think of it as a vent post and recap explanation of everything where I'll be brutally honest.

Also, if anyone of you is a Nazi supporter, get the fuck out. I do not welcome you here.

First of all, I do not understand why my efforts have been ignored. I did everything that was asked of me. I acknowledged my so-called ''mistakes'', I owned up to them, deleted the posts, apologized, explained my intentions, and you decide to just fucking ignore it?? What do you want from me then, huh? I'm not the ignorant here, you are fucking ignorants. Made me realize I actually haven't done anything wrong. Made me wonder if I should've even deleted those posts, I put a lot of effort into them, and some people actually liked them. It's not my fault some of you are sensitive and brainwashed by censorship culture and you can't accept or understand a canon-accurate depiction of characters. You think I've been sweeping something under the rug? No. In fact, it's the opposite. You've been sweeping this whole shit under the rug by dismissing me as a Nazi supporter, just because I drew something that was considered canon for so many years. I've done nothing wrong, I've been honest about my art the entire time. I draw what I enjoy and what is accurate to the lore. I love history and the Slenderverse, and I draw canon-accurate content, yet you get mad over it. It's so ridiculous. If this post can't open your fucking eyes, I don't know what else will, and frankly I don't care anymore. I'm done with this shit. I've acted like the adult I am, and took responsibility. However I'm not going to point any fingers or dismiss anyone specifically, because I am not like this.

And to everyone: If you don't like something, just ignore it. But if it really seems problematic and malicious, why not contact the person directly and talk it out, or find ways to know their true intentions instead of making hundreds of hate-posts about them like some pissy children. This is such a toxic behavior.

About the whole Nazi stuff:

Don't get me wrong. Nazism is a sensitive topic, I understand that. But I think being offended by it right now, in the 21st century, is just so ridiculous to me. I understand it can get very annoying tho. They talk about WW2 and the Austrian painter on TV non-stop. But being offended by some art? Like, are you serious. Do you realize Nazi shit has been in so many fanfiction, stories and literature for so many years, and you have no reason to get offended by it? The Nazi concept has been used in so many media, whether just for a joke or a serious plot point. South Park, Family Guy, Indiana Jones, Marvel Universe, X-Men, The Boys, and God knows what else.. Would you get offended by a fanart of cute little fat boy Eric Cartman? Of course not. But I can easily say: ''He's a Nazi! You drew a cute fanart of him! You're a Nazi supporter!'' That's you. That's how you sound. Do you see how ridiculous that is? There are thousands of people shipping him with Kyle Broflovski, oh but he's a Jew, and they hate each other in the show. Yet there are artists who make ship art of them. Does anyone complain? At the end of the day, they're just fictional characters, and I rather ignore it even if it kinda annoys me. Btw, South Park is just an example of this issue, I'm not targeting anyone or anything specifically here.

The Brandit post:

I really need to go back and add something to that post of HABIT saying ''LET'S FUCK AND PISS OFF OUR ANCESTORS.'' which creeped Firebrand out (honest reaction). That quote seemed really harsh, I know. Was it bad humor? Yeah.. But do I regret drawing this? At this point, I must say no. I did not stutter. As I said, I will be brutally honest from now on. Do you think HABIT wouldn't say that? Do you think he wouldn't say something sexual to a Jewish person, or frankly to anyone really? Yes, he would!! It's in his nature, he's fucked up. Are we trynna ignore the fucking scene of HABIT pulling the jerk off gesture at Noah?? Did we all not see the same thing?? He is like this. He makes fun of him while adding Christmas decorated borders on a letter for him. He's aware Noah is Jewish, yet he pulls a sexual gesture at him. Don't try to deny this one.

About the symbols... From what I've just said, I drew the little symbols there next to them (Star of David and Hakenkreuz) because I wanted people to see and realize the fact that these two guys are a Jew and a (former) Nazi, which people have been sweeping under the rug, not me. Also, if anyone remembers the post I made, I believe I wrote ''I should have put Christmas borders there as well/jk.'' under it or something like that. I removed it later on because people didn't seem to get it. It was obviously a reference to Severance. Everything I draw is a fucking reference. That being said, this post was made for awareness, not romanticization, and I do not ship them, neither romantically nor platonically, I just really like drawing them together, because of their iconic trope, canon interactions, mutual respect and shared spite for Slenderman, and the fact that HABIT helped Noah many times. That's it. Also, I wouldn't ship HABIT with anyone romantically. That is just wrong in so many levels.

Canyouseethewords blog and Sebastian's Journal:

If you didn't grasp the point of the Josef Mengele post either, go read Canyouseethewords blog here on Tumblr. It's part of the EMH lore. Basically, this blog belonged to Evan's girlfriend Stephanie, but HABIT takes over the blog later on and makes various posts about infamous real serial killers, such as Ed Gein, Jack the Ripper, and even the Nazi doctor, Josef Mengele. Whether HABIT wanted to imply that he's possessed those various people, that part of lore remains silent. At some point, I believed he's possessed those various people, so I wanted to to draw one of them, and I chose to draw Josef simply because I liked the idea of the connection with him and The Event from T12. That's it. And if that weren't the case that he's possessed any of those people, which would be rather a big relief, he's still possessed a different Nazi character in T12, which has been retconned. A character that no one really seems to know of, which is understandable. I get that some people don't want to analyze and support T12 anymore after what Adam did. In all honesty, I think sometimes it's best to separate the creator from the creation. I hate Adam, but I love T12. Anyway, in the story of Sebastian's Journal is a guy named Sergeant Heine who is (or was supposed to be) possessed by HABIT at some point. It implies to Severance where HABIT said he's been working with a group of Nazis on a particular project, including Sebastian. However, that connection has been retconned.

The HABIT/Nazi lore shit, people keep complaining and pissing about for no reason:

Listen, it was part of the lore for so many years that it's difficult to simply ignore it now. As someone who's been part of the Slenderverse fandom for years, going back, I just cannot think of it as a non-canon at this point. And I've already said the point of HABIT's character, and you all should know this by now. However I'll clarify it again anyways. The point is that he's an abomination of all the horrific actions humanity has committed, including atrocities of Nazism. He's done so many bad shit, as if eating a baby on screen wasn't enough, yet, of all the things he's done, people get mad over him being a former Nazi?? Like are you kidding me.. It's so ridiculous and hypocritical.

However... When I think about it, maybe HABIT was never even a Nazi, I mean- Working with them is one thing. He probably doesn't even give a single fuck about some ideology bullshit. He likely participated in the Nazi party purely for the sake of killing people. He wouldn't care less if his victims were Jews, Romani, or anyone else, he simply enjoys killing people for the sake of torture. Heck, he doesn't even remember the name of the party he was in. In Severance, he stuttered when trying to say ''Nazis'', which, in my opinion, was funny as hell. But that one is just an idea of his character.

Anyway. Even if HABIT wasn't a former Nazi at all, would it change anything? Absolutely not. He would still be the same horrible piece of shit he is. And sorry not sorry, but he was never meant to be a likable character. As a well-written antagonist, yes. But as a person? Hell no, so far from it. There is literally no reason for people to get mad over him being a former Nazi, and if you are, it's hypocritical of you, considering everything else he's done.

I must say one more thing, and it's the only thing I'm truly sorry for is that I didn't put content warnings and explanations on those posts. I made people angry unnecessarily for my impulsive actions.

I think that's all. Perhaps I've learned something by the end of the day, and I hope that at least some of you who are reading this, have learned something as well. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this (if you have), I appreciate it so much. See you on the flipside.

[gracieart]

Ugh please don’t draw Elucien! She feels uncomfortable around him and shrinks in on herself in his presence. I love your art sm and it makes me very sad that you would support a week that celebrates forcing a woman to be with a man she is uncomfortable with 😭

Hello anon. I’ve looked at this ask so many times, attempting to come up with a good way to answer you. But… I just don’t have anything I could say to make you happy. And honestly that’s not my job. It is not my responsibility, or anyone else's to make you happy.

I was debating not even answering this ask at all, but there are some things that need to be said here. Quite a bit actually, because I am a human being with a lot of feelings.

First off, I know that in your mind this is coming from a place of “I love your art sm” but when you frame that around your dislike for something I expressed my enjoyment of, it loses all its meaning. Seriously. It took me like four rereads of this ask to even realize you said you like my art. Thank you, by the way.

What I’m curious about is what you hoped to accomplish by sending me this. Did you think I would suddenly change my mind and not draw something I just said I was excited about drawing? Imagine:

“I kinda like this idea. I’m going to take time out of my day to create something for it because I enjoy it!”

“No don’t do that.”

“Oh you’re right. Okay I won’t create something I like. Thanks for telling me what to do, I didn’t know otherwise.”

…you can see how that doesn’t make sense right?

I think what a lot of people don't understand, especially people who haven't attempted to share something they create before, is that us artists do not owe you anything. We are not mindless machines that create whatever you want whenever you want. I create what makes me happy. I create because I feel inspired. I do not create because you tell me to. I find enjoyment in creating art and I find enjoyment in sharing it with you guys. (Although recently, not so much anymore.)

My point that I want you to take away here is this: coming up to someone and hating on something they just showed an interest in is very rude. You keep that to yourself. That's just basic human decency. Like, if someone is happy, why go out of your way to make them unhappy? In reality if you saw someone who is very happy eating their chocolate ice cream, would you go up to them and throw their ice cream on the ground, just because you personally don't like chocolate flavored ice cream? It's as simple as that and yet I will never understand why people fail to recognize this.

Now, about the actual ship. I want to keep this brief because I despise with a burning passion anything "ship war" related. I hate that term.

I have read the books, same as you. And I know all about Elain losing all her newfound boldness and all that jazz. I am well aware of everything between them, so there's no need to remind me. But what you seem to think here is that I ship her because she shrinks away from him. That is not true. I do not like them because it promotes forcing a woman to be with a man that makes her uncomfortable. No Elucien I have ever met ships them because of this. I like the idea of them because of what they could be. I like their characters and I genuinely think they would work well together, even if it is just as friends. So in the fandom here, yes, I ship them too. But in terms of canon, I believe Elriel is most likely to happen. So you don't need to worry about "losing" an Elriel or anything like that. I can enjoy both. Actually its very pleasant. Double the love, double the fanfics and fanart! You can enjoy multiple things without "compromising" your true beliefs. There's a difference between having a personal preference and having an idea of what will happen in canon. And seriously, multishipping is so fun. You should try it some time!!

Now I want to close this off by making this clear. I was once in your place. I was so closed off from anyone and anything that opposed my own ideas. There was... a lot of hatred. But let me tell you, letting hatred go is so freeing. I have met the kindest and most loving people by stepping out of the little bubble I created for myself.

So to me, there is no "ship war." There are no sides. There is no right or wrong way to enjoy things. There is no battle that is going to be won with theories and headcannons and throwing insults at people who believe different things.

I am here in this fandom because I enjoy being here. But for some reason, people like to tell you what you can and can't enjoy. Crazy, right?

(This was kind of a lot, I apologize. Anon, I am not coming after you personally for sending me this. Your ask just provided the perfect vessel for me to express my feelings on the matter.)

[aaeds]

I've had it with HS^2

I don't make fanart or content for this fandom anymore, but after putting on "Let's Read Homestuck" in the background while I've been working I've returned to having a few Alpha kid WIPs. I have also returned to scouring the tags for cool fanart and opinions.

This is not the fandom I remember back when I was reading the comic partway through Act 2.

I cannot say I'm inspired by Homestuck^2, and to roughly quote another user - I don't know who the audience for this comic is for. The epilogues themselves were a disaster and the Candy/Meat timeline idea appears to exist to create even more drama with lackluster stakes.

There's no real clear 'goal' or core to the story besides...the fact there are two universes. And we have Ultimate-self villains.

It reads like bad fanfiction, that's nothing new - the problem is I don't think the authors are writing with irony. The series has turned into a ship-heavy metal bat beating older fans to death with teen drama and character assassination.

The current team clearly has no interest or plans for Jade for example, and in the recent update with Aradia and Robo-Dave discussing time travel - it really seemed like her body being on the floor was an excellent time to rehash several existential conversation points we ALREADY had in the original Homestuck about stable timeloops, dead Daves and how he uses his Godtier powers.

Outside of several unnecessary pages of dialogue, it was disturbing that no part of Ultimate Dave would help move Jade off the fucking floor while he and Aradia sleep in lawn chairs watching her until she became 'The Muse' It is so out of character. Pre-retcon Dave died protecting her body, Davesprite destroyed his relationship with both John and Jade knowing they would be reunited with the 'real' Dave. He was a true knight when he felt it was appropriate and mattered. But now we have a Dave who is back to having an existential crisis about his powers, life and death - and his sexuality. By bringing up dead Dave's Marriage from the epilogues. He didn't even mention Jade by name, presuming the reader read at least the wiki article on the disastrous self indulgent mess.

But that was all he had to say on that dead Dave. Just about not loving Jade. No one else, doesn't even bring up Karkat or Terezi, let alone any of his friends. Talking about Sollux for half a second I'm convinced was just to bring up a failed marriage and apparently 'not wanting to be gay'? This isn't Dave anymore, and if that's the point I want to know why we as readers should care because I promise you coming fresh off Act 6 for the third time these are not the same characters. Davepeta had a better outlook on what it means to experience doomed selves, whether they were chipper about it because of Nepeta's influence is neither here nor there. No matter what Davesprite did, it was in character for what Dave would have done because he knows himself. When it meant self sabotage so his friends could go back to the Alpha timeline Dave, that was a circumstance, and an act any Dave would have made because of the way he thought at 13 years old. That doesn't mean he didn't change, or would never change.

I don't think the furthest ring has rattled the kids in a glass jar hard enough to give them critical brain damage through every doomed timeline that they're different people. At least not in the way Robo-Dave is, or frankly anything in the Epilogue.

I'm done with the writers treating Jade as a dead animal to stuff Calliope into for a milquetoast attempt at a plot device without treating that as a joke in itself.

No Homestuck isn't a serious comic, but there's a reason Cascade broke several websites while Beyond Canon can barely drudge a handful of tagged UPD8 replies. Its audience is small and unchallenged. We don't need to bring back the use of the hard R to be invested in a storyline, but if all you're interested in in a piece of media is gender identity and sexuality well you've got it. That said, neither are a genre on their own.

HS^2 lacks one and direction and it's just going to keep dragging its carcass through the dirt until every unseen pairing in panel is churned through the fanfic machine.

[hirazuki]

*knock knock* For the 🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

What about...

that one thing you see in fics all the time

that one thing you see in fanart all the time (for totally unselfish reasons)

there should be more of this type of fic/art

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

?

Take care!

Hiiiii ♡♡♡

that one thing you see in fics all the time

So -- of course everyone fandoms how they want, to each their own, etc. -- but literally every fic I've seen about Mairon that has to do with him in the 4th Age in Valinor post-canon or even in AUs leaving Melkor's service earlier/joining someone else (be it a Feanorian, Maeglin, Celebrimbor, whoever), or any flavor of him not being his strictly canon dark-lord-doing-dark-lord-business self, tends to cast him as subservient and Very Sorry for everything he's done. I would kill for a fic where, despite changed circumstances, he is still fully committed to his beliefs. I would die for:

1. post-canon 4th Age Mairon in Valinor who is not sorry at all, would 100% do it again, wants to do it again dear lord please let him try again, the only mistake he acknowledges making is in the how he executed his ideals (because he's a pragmatist and there's no point in arguing facts, and the facts say he failed) not in those ideals themselves.

And/or 2. Canon-divergent AU where Mairon does choose to work with someone else (Maedhros, Maeglin, etc; though for me, personally, it would still have to be driven by loyalty to Melkor; motivated by wanting to save Melkor from the effect the silmarils are having on him, perhaps), but despite this still has the same views, opinions, beliefs, and approaches. The idea of trying to fit his modus operandi within, say, Himring's military or Gondolin's politics, that push/pull between his will and whoever he is attempting to cooperate with is ✨delicious✨ to me.

Idk, bottom line is that I find the idea of "redemption" far too often equated with servility which grosses me out, and is why I finally filtered out that particular tag on AO3 XD

On the other hand, I also don't enjoy one-dimensionally cruel interpretations of Mairon, and with few exceptions it seems to be either/or in this fandom so. I don't really read much anymore for a reason ^^;

that one thing you see in fanart all the time (for totally unselfish reasons)

(;ladkjfsdlkfj oh you ♡)

Portraits. And I honestly don't mean this in a negative sense! I totally get the fandom's preoccupation with character portraits, and I myself am very, very guilty of it too -- I think it's only natural that for book characters that we really only get things like "Tall" and "Tallest" as descriptors (thanks, jirt XD), everyone wants to explore and work out their own visions of what these characters look like. I just wish that in addition to that kind of standard portraiture, we also had stuff that was more detail shots (hands, ears, jewelry, etc), or artistically cropped/sections blacked out/stylized elements or patterns superimposed on the characters, or more abstract non-sexual nudity type of art; moodboards, etc. Idk how to describe it exactly, but fanart that is more suggestion/impression of the characters rather than a visual itemized list. Again, I'm also very guilty of this and trying to change up my own art to include more variety.

there should be more of this type of fic/art

Enemies to lovers, enemies to grudging companions, characters who are diametrically opposed to each other being put in circumstances that force them to work together, regardless of whether it's shippy/not shippy or if it'll last with long-term consequences/it's just a temporary situation and then they'll go back to being as they were, etc. For a story with such a large cast of characters with so many different affiliations, there is surprisingly little content of opponents having to team up together. Granted, I don't venture in the tags often and read very little, so I may be wrong, but the impression I've gotten from being a Silm fan for twenty years is that mostly everyone stays neatly in their designated fields (Feanorians, Doriath, Angband, Valinor, etc.). Like, get messy; please.

your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

Unsurprisingly, it's "they wandered far together under the stars or by the light of the sickle moon." The whole Nan Elmoth portion of the Maeglin chapter, really, is just full of such intense, obsessive yet intimate and genuine companionship, it's so raw, it makes me absolutely feral.

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

Can I say all of them XD You probably know by now that I'm very attached to my complexity and nuance, so I find any complaint both about how characters are being ruined by so-called woobification (i.e. in actuality just given a sympathetic interpretation) and ruined by being hated on (i.e. in actually just having their canon flaws and failings explored and expanded upon) so very, very tired. Certainly, there are interpretations out there that make characters far too meek/submissive and too cruel/evil for my tastes, but overall I've found that the people who routinely complain about it are far louder and more annoying than the people actually doing it, who typically mind their own business and are simply enjoying the characters in their own preferred way. I like my characters three-dimensional, fallible, and grey, and sick of hearing how they need to be strictly one thing or another.

[gxldencity]

4, 7 & 24 for the 🔥🔥 asks!

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Tbh I don't have a last straw anymore. I use and abuse the block button liberally. If I see an annoying opinion, I block. Sometimes, I don't even finish reading the post because you usually can tell it's rancid from the first 2 lines.

I've blocked half a fandom at this point bc of the constant negativity. I simply don't care anymore. I'm here to have fun. If you take personal offense to that then that's your problem not mine.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Alngksgnw as you're said hate IS a strong word and I don't hate characters really unless there is a good reason for me to hate them.

So when I say I began to dislike Dorian Pavus after seeing how the fandom acted towards him, I don't hate him. I guess I do find him fascinating and relatable to an extent but I also don't think he's written perfectly as some people act like he is. Revisiting Dorian's quest as an adult with a fully developed brain and way more comfortable about my own queerness made me realize that I dislike how Dorian didn't really have agency whether to reconcile with his father or not. I know it's the point of The game to have a choice but Idk a bit more dialogue about the choice could've easily solved that problem for me.

I also have issues with Dorian's Indian coding lmao and have since felt like I was duped. It just feels like a cop-out? Like Gaider and team knew about the complaints people have about his comments wrt Asians in Thedas so they made him Asian—only mentioning it in a forum post or Twitter I think 🫠 so to this day ive seen people still surprised that he's Asian—without considering how to code him as Indian in the game.

Things like his clothing having some influences from the cultures in India or family structures and mannerisms. I mean it could be as simple as Indian coding the people of Quarinus so you don't just have this one Indian coded family in the entirety of Thedas. The Alexiuses could've also been Indian coded.

(An aside there's more layers to this like the unfortunate implications of coding a group of people who own slaves as poc but I could write a whole post about Dragon Age's attempts of trying to put Asians in this game)

Anyway, that's canon lol. Fandom makes this all worse. I could just point at the Orientalist depictions of Dorian in fanart and just end it here but nope it goes deeper. Somehow, Dorian attracted the worst kind of fandom. Like the Solas and Cullen stans maybe louder but I was there Gandalf. I was in the trenches. People were forming cliques around this one BNF and their friends. I was in the clique and it was all good until Tresspasser dropped.

You see this clique hated that Tresspasser ended with Dorian and the Inquisitor being in an LDR—because Dorian was off trying to fix a country—to the point where some of them acted like they broke up. Hello? Okay 1) That is such a poor reading on long distance relationships 2) Dorian...got a phone crystal for the Inquisitor, u know a tech that didn't exist in Thedas so they can stay in touch.

It also isn't enough that they didn't like it. Others have to Not like it as well. I remember talking to the BNF about my Inquisitor and Dorian, how they stayed in touch as Dorian was y'know trying to fix a country and the BNF told me that it was a depressing situation for my Inquisitor and Dorian...even though it isn't and they're perfectly happy.

(An side, not from this clique but I wouldnt be surprised if some of them also held this opinion but I saw some accusations from folks that Bioware is homophobic because Dorian and the Inquisitor are in an LDR. This is how batshit this fandom is).

Anyway, to keep it short, I was 19-20 when all of this happened. I probably said some stupid shit around that time but I should tell you these people were in their late 20s to early 30s. They were affected by a 19-20 year old with just a handful of followers saying stupid shit. They were so affected by the barely adult saying stupid shit that one of them stalked me, vagueposted about me and when I found out they were vagueposting about me, proceeded to gaslight me and told me I was the one stalking them. :)

Not only that, they also harassed one of my friends to not posting their fics ever again, harrassed a friend of a friend for trying to steal the BNF's spotlight 🙄. Come on some of you have fucking children.

I don't think I could look at Dorian in the same way which is a shame because for a time he was important to me but like God, it was rough.

I also have not forgotten nor forgave :) hence why I have the studio behind that chorus game or whatever it's called now blocked :) and would not be playing it. Do not care if David Gaider is the one writing it. I mean he kinda was the weakest link in that writing team imo (and I also hate his prose).

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Very cliche but anything to do with the mages and templars

[danikatze]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by @tj-dragonblade! I'm not sure if (m)any of these answers will be interesting at all, because apparently I have a bad memory for ships apart from the ones I made fanart of myself, and I haven't read a lot of fanfic for a long long time.. But I've attempted answering these questions anyway!

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don’t care about anymore?

I didn't ship much as a teen. I liked the Marauders gang from HP a lot as a kid, tho, likely even in a shippy way. Obviously HP has left a really bad taste my mouth.

Which ship would you consider your first one?

It was probably a HP one, I was properly obsessed with Sirius, James and Remus for a long time, but like I said, I have a hard time telling when I started consciously shipping characters.

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

Hinata and Naruto and it was baaad. I guess it was maaaybe kind of cute, but it was not good.

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Not at all. The most likely options are anyone from HP, Death Note, or InuYasha, but it hasn't stuck with me.

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nah, the closest I've gotten was the time I got put on a blacklist (or two?) for a shipping Yamato and Sai. I didn't care and so didn't address it, until someone sent me a (kind) message about it. I then explained my feelings about the problematic aspect and the (few) responses I got were 100% positive.

Did you used to have a NOTP or have one currently?

There are plenty of ships I don't particularly like, but I wouldn't call them NOTP's. Except maybe the very very popular ones. I only take real issue with ships that become canon, like a fair few Naruto pairs..

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Reading has been hard the last couple of years, so I haven't done much of it.. But it has to have been a Dreamling fic - I'm so excited you've been writing again, TJ 💖

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

MatsuMasa, although they're not my otp in the literal sense. I like them both with Yaichi, and Matsu (non-romantically) with Ume - and the fun thing is that it works all at the same time 😎

Is there any couple that, to this day, you are extremely mad about not getting into?

Hmm well I'm kinda mad at not being as into Dreamling as you are, TJ. I like Sandman and Dreamling! Very much looking forward to the second season and I enjoy the things you blog about, but it's never been more than a general appreciation. And that's fine, ofc, but it's always been such a joy to be excited by the same things as you haha

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they’re kind of interesting?

Maybe KakaGai? Only I didn't dislike it, just didn't consider it. And I don't think it's kind of interesting, I deeply love it.

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I already mentioned YamaSai, but there's also ShisuItachi. Some people say that the latter is incest. It's been too long and I don't remember their specific relationship, but afaik they're not (direct) family, just from the same clan. Can't get too bothered about family trees in fiction.

Kikyo and Kagome from InuYasha is by some considered gross as well, comparable to incest, because Kagome is Kikyo's reincarnation?

Idk, is FjorClay problematic, because Caduceus is canonically aroace? I feel like it's not a super popular ship anyways, but I still like them a lot. In a queer platonic way.

What is your favourite crack ship?

I don't think I have one. Although I wonder if JonGerry from the Magnus Archives could be considered crack ship? They aren't from different fandoms, but they only met once after Gerry had already died. And then at Gerry's request, Jon sort of killed him again. It doesn't really count as a crack ship, but this is my answer anyway

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

Hm, I don't know! The last time I really obsessively read them was in my Naruto era.. So who knows - KakaGai is a very plausible answer.

What do most of your ships have in common?

I guess I most commonly like pairings with a Gentle Giant™ (preferably kind of dumb) and someone grumpy and/or cynical and smart and/or skilful. MatsuMasa, BeauYasha and ShikaChou come to mind.

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Hard to explain. Wrong vibes lol. Look I can appreciate love-hate or even hate-hate relationships as much as the next shipper, but there needs to be at least some level of respect/consent/two-way-street? I still dislike SasuSaku, because they very much have none of that from what I remember. They've always been close to a NOTP and then they became canon so..

[firefrightfic]

Hey if you don't mind I have a life question to ask. So I just started working and it's my first job ever and I can't believe how both physically and mentally draining it is😩 To be honest being in this fandom and consuming it daily either via comics, tumblr, fanart, discord, or ao3 has been how I spent most of my time for years now, as it makes me truly happy, and maybe that's embarrassing. 1/2

I do feel ashamed for it, but reading about two male fictional characters falling in love in 10000 different ways is my biggest source of dopamine in life right now and I can't describe the sort of feelings I get when I read a good fanfic that will make my heart swell. A few thing can measure up, lol. 2/?�� Which brings me to know, where as a newly employed adult person, after a full day if work I literally have zero time or energy for doing all these wonderful things, and I've barely had time to skim through everything but I crave browsing tumblr and keeping up with new fanart, or reading new fics and comics and all, but I have so little time before I'm dead to the world 😩 3/4  Honestly this feels like a withdrawal,I feel empty and sad as I'm falling behind and I also miss my otp while new fics keep piling up but my time is non the more free. Have you perhaps ever felt like this?How do you balance between work and catching up with the fandom all the time(and managing to write even)? If you have any advice to share or if any of your followers who will see this can confirm ever feeling like this, I'd be glad to know that I'm not as pathetic as I know I am lol.Thanks!4/4 

First of all, I want to say you are in no way pathetic, and your love for fandom and your favourite pairings is nothing you should feel ashamed or embarrassed about. What’s important to you is important to you. It’s not like we flip a switch when we grow up and get jobs that causes us to lose interest in fandom and only have interest in ‘responsible adult things’ from thereon out. I say this as a 33 (almost 34) year old person who has been chugging along in fandom spaces since my early teens. There are a lot of folks out there who will try to tell you fandom is a waste of time or childish as you get older, but you should never listen to those people. So long as it continues to give you comfort and joy in your life, embrace it.

Secondly, this ask hit hard in a lot of ways, because lately I feel like I too have been struggling to keep up with things. The past year has been rough for me (for all of us), and as someone who works retail, the last couple months especially have been incredibly busy and exhausting to the point that  I also have a massive backlog of fics to read, things to watch, and most distressingly for me, have found it very difficult to sit down and write the way I used to. I don’t think I’ve really written anything of significance since the early part of November, when I was attempting NaNo. Not to complain about that to you or anyone else, just suffice to say I totally know how you feel and have been in the same position many times before.

Part of it may be that you’re still adjusting to working, and eventually you will start getting used to the daily grind and find you have more energy left over at the end of the day. This is not a guarantee, though, especially since I don’t know which field your new job is in. Some positions are more mentally draining, while others take a more physical toll (and some jobs do both). I think, honestly, the hardest part is to recognise that your fandom experience cannot be the same as it once was and while that sucks, it also doesn’t mean it has to end.

My advice moving forward is three-fold. First of all, make the most of your days off. This isn’t always easy, given days off work also tend to come with family responsibilities and chores -- those other pesky real life needs that you can’t accomplish whilst working, but whenever you can, indulge in what you love. Your brain and soul will thank you for it.

Secondly, prioritise. You may not be able to keep up with absolute everything anymore, so think of what matters most to you in your fandom experience. The characters, the pairings, the comics... I’d love to read almost every comic DC puts out for example, but I just don’t have the energy to invest in every single storyline or character journey out there. I also write more than I read fic these days, but that’s me as a fic writer. I only follow a few authors and rarely go actually looking for fics in the tags. Plus, you can also generally keep up with canon news through fandom orientated websites (or if you’re in discord servers, trust friends there to update you on any important developments).

Thirdly, and most importantly, remember fandom isn’t an obligation. Don’t let it start to feel like work as well, or that you’re failing if you can’t keep up with everything you once did. Growing up is hard, as is having to work, but fandom should remain a safe space for you. One that rejuvenates, rather than adds to the exhaustion of the daily grind (and if that ever changes, difficult as it is, it’s okay to let things go).

I hope this helps. And that hopefully soon life eases up for the both of us, as well as anyone else out there that’s struggling right now ♥

[fountainpenguin]

Question Meme: (Ignore this if you don't want to answer all these....) 1, 2, 3, 28, 31, 33, 40 (sorry i couldn't pick one)

40 Questions For ‘Fic Writers Meme

#1 - Describe your comfort zone—a typical you-fic.

Gradual character development spread across a piece with deepened, believable worldbuilding. You know, I often say I’m not into romance, but here’s the thing: A nice long, serious slow burn does a person good. I’ll happily accept romance if an author can really get me into the minds of the characters and make me want their relationship to develop as much as the characters do.

It’s shallow romance that rubs me the wrong way. Give me two characters who honestly, truly care about each other to the point where they’ll sacrifice something they love, or even be willing to let each other ago if it means the one they love will be happy. I love that. But if you’ve got one character who will pitch a fit rather than let their love be happy with someone else, you’re really working uphill with me.

Worldbuilding doesn’t have to be as deep and complex as my ‘fics tend to get, but I do love to see how different authors expand the same world in different ways. I’m not a big fan of horror and for some reason I just can’t get into sci-fi. I enjoy fantasy and biology.

Really, I love anything that doesn’t contradict canon. AUs? Eh, sometimes, but they’re not my favorite. I like behind-the-scenes, between-the-lines, believable futures, and backstory pieces with some nice worldbuilding. And some complex characters who don’t always make the best choices and then have to suffer the consequences for their actions. Yes. ‘Fics like those are very nice.

#2 - Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?

A queerplatonic relationship that’s happy, healthy, and long-lasting. You would think I would let my aro/ace children be happy, but alas, ‘tis not to be! You could say I like to squash zucchinis. I am self-projecting my own insecurities. I made Bennett a horrible person to show the “worst possible relationship with an aro/ace who wants a sexless marriage” so that the hopes and dreams of the other aro/ace characters look more reasonable by comparison. I do that a lot.

Okay, I lied. I can think of six “official” queerplatonic relationships we will see in my FOP works, and one of them actually does have a happy ending. I mean, probably. I haven’t written it yet, so who knows?

Spoiler alert: Mario and Peach are the OTQP and I’m going to milk it. What can I say? I call ‘em like I see ‘em and canon literally gave us a plumber who’ll collect 120 Power Stars in return for cake, and a princess who turned down his hand in marriage after all the times he’s rescued her, but adores him anyway.

#3 - Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole?

“We pretend to hate each other but secretly we’re both in love and will one day in the heat of the moment spontaneously confess our romantic feelings and form a mutual, caring relationship without any further character development.”

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a very serious, honest, straightforward person (being INTJ and all), or if it’s because I’m asexual, or if it’s a combination of both (or neither), but I can’t stand huge plots about people refusing to admit that they like someone. Love has always been a logical thing to me. I was sixteen before I found out sexual attraction was a real thing. I don’t really understand it, but I guess it’s possible to have physical feelings for someone even if you don’t logically want to? And you can’t stop yourself or turn it off? I honestly don’t know how that works, which is why the “I wish I wasn’t physically attracted to you” trope has infuriated me since childhood. I just didn’t get it.

Even before I realized I was asexual, I would have discussions with my mom about how if I ever had a crush, I would openly admit this to my friends if they asked. I wouldn’t protest or deny, as I see so many media characters do. Then it turned out I’m incapable of feeling physical attraction and I get friendship squishes instead of romantic crushes, so that happened.

As a general rule of thumb, you should trust the characters I write if they say they aren’t attracted to someone. If they like someone, they’ll tell you so. If they don’t, they’ll tell you that too. And if they’re confused, then it will be very clear that they’re confused. No means no. I’m very strict about that. Don’t read into it looking for signs that they’re being secretive even to the reader. They are not. I emotionally cannot bring myself to do that.

#28 - Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

Oooh. I’m going to say that Shaddic takes the cake on this one. If you’re a Total Drama fan, or even if you’re not, then “Daddy’s Characters” will break you deliciously like very few fanfics will. “Before and After” is just a step behind it. The emotion captured by these ‘fics is incredible, and I highly, highly recommend them if you’re into evil villains who are undeniably and yet realistically cruel. Both ‘fics revolve around Mike and his multiple personalities (“Daddy’s Characters” revolving around adult Mike and Zoey, married with a daughter and with twins on the way, coping with something horrid that lands a distraught Mike in prison, and “Before and After” being the trauma-filled childhood backstory ‘fic). 

Shaddic characterized everyone perfectly. So horribly, painfully well. Ugggh, I love it. My gallery has Identity Theft on the way, which will revolve around Foop and Hiccup and some multiple personality trauma, but it won’t be as beautiful as Shaddic’s work. They’re honestly worth a read if you ever have the time one day, even if you aren’t a Total Drama fan. You really don’t need to know the show to enjoy them. And enjoy them (and suffer) you will. In all my years, I’ve never seen an evil villain portrayed so… villainously. Love it.

I’m also a fan of SelanPike- partially for sentimental reasons, I suppose. I remember reading her Mario ‘fics over and over eight years ago, and I still read them today on a regular basis. Crazy how time flies. They’re just ones that I love going back to. As most of you know, I tend to fall in love with background characters. Fawful, Kamek, and Doopliss fit those qualifications- and coincidentally, those three are Selan’s favorites too! Technically, it’s because of her that the 130 Prompts project came to be. I always loved her 100 one-shot challenge, and that’s sort of how I eventually decided to write my own.

I really admire Selan for her characterizations. Her Kamek portrayal is my all-time favorite. So is her Fawful, her Doopliss, her Bowser, her Bowser Jr, her E. Gadd… she’s just a master of character. Even her freaking Jojora is spot-on. I mean, talk about background characters, am I right? Ha. Her writing is excellent and she has some fun plots. I always enjoyed drinking up her fanart and reading her comics on her deviantArt too. Still do. She has such a fun, bouncy art style. Her 8-page comic about Fawful attending school in the Mushroom Kingdom after Kamek hits him with the truant officer threat gets me every time.

I highly recommend “Until Tomorrow” (Her post-“Superstar Saga” ‘fic about Kamek and Fawful attempting to revive Cackletta so Kamek can kick her butt in a magic fight and Fawful can get the mother figure he refuses to call his mother figure back), and her famous ‘fic “On My Own” (about Fawful coping with Cackletta’s death and eventually working his way up the Koopa Kingdom social ladder). “Fragmented Spectrum” is a wonderful, tense, horror-ish ‘fic as well, with my absolute favorite Bowser Jr. portrayal. Plus, I love the rivalry between Kamek and Fawful seen in “F.S.” with Fawful trying to draw magic circles that he decided must be 100% perfect to count as circles, and Kamek not even knowing how to deal with him and his technology brain. Beautiful. 

Check out the rest of her gallery too. Her two FFN fandoms are Mario and Invader Zim. She isn’t active there anymore, but her ‘fics are worth the read. I will say that I’m not a fan of her ‘fic “Everything You Ever” because I feel that Cackletta was way too sweet and nice for an evil villain in that one. But then again, I haven’t read it in years, so who knows. I’m not crazy about Selan’s Peach portrayal either, but that’s where my third recommendation comes in.

GuardianM1234 is a recent discovery of mine, and she does not disappoint. I’m a big fan of her ongoing ‘fic “Smoke” (which updates twice a month right now and is nearing its climax). It’s basically the story of Peach and Bowser growing up, and the development of their relationship from being fairly friendly as children to their complex relationship as adults. I’ve never seen Peach portrayed so perfectly, and I adore her. Never thought I would, but I do. Guardian also has a very unique take on Mario that’ll really make you squirm.

I love Guardian’s writing because she pits characters in emotionally-difficult situations and lets them learn and grow. They make bad choices, but she demonizes no one. Not even Bowser. Plus, Bowser has a little sideplot with Clawdia going on (the canon mother of the Koopalings if you know your deep hidden lore, though since the Koopalings were recently ruled “not Bowser’s children” by Nintendo’s “official” canon, I don’t know if she will be their mother in “Smoke” or where Guardian is taking this ‘fic). Basically, what I’m saying is, Clawdia and Bowser roastfest. Be there. They crack me up. And Guardian’s TOADSWORTH is perfection. Please give that old boy his gossip.

Plus, Daisy takes Bowser shopping for wedding dresses once and he bribes her with a six-pack of soda. Nice, short chapters with a few pleasant hints of worldbuilding slipped in, and a LOT of character. Guardian is still somewhat new to fanfiction, but she’s very sweet and she would adore some reviews if you do read her work. If you love her stuff, give her a shout-out! She’s great.

#31 - Do you take liberties with canon or are you very strict about your fic being canon compliant?

I fall halfway between this one. The answer is, sort of both! For my main fandoms, I have one rule: I don’t contradict canon, unless canon contradicted itself and I was forced to pick a side. Origin gets so deep into biology and Knots into culture that they feel more like original works than fanfics sometimes, because I’ll flesh things out as much as I want to. So that’s sort of a liberty I take with canon. But I never contradict canon if I don’t have to. I always comply.

It’s a puzzle. I love connecting dots behind the scenes. I love forcing everything that’s canon to be canon, even if it looks like it contradicted itself. If I can solve a plot hole, I try to. I will make ridiculous backbends to fit colorful Anti-Fairy eyes, Crocker’s ebb and flow of wealth, Miss Idaho’s “rare genetic condition that prevents her from aging,” Mary Alice Doombringer’s random abilities, and Girlfriend the cat’s sentience into Riddleverse canon, and I’ll love every second of it. I only cut a piece of canon out if I feel like I absolutely have to. It’s fun.

I can definitely enjoy reading ‘fics that stray from canon, and might even write them on occasion. But the reason why I write fanfics is because I loved the canon and I want to see it expanded, not taken away. I’d like to publish my original works someday, so if I’m not sticking close to source material, why would I write a fanfic that I could publish as an original work instead? 

For the same reasons, I’d rather read a fanfic that expands on canon than eliminates it. When I fall in love with something, I fall in love with its world. I like ‘fics that blend worldbuilding aspects in with the plot they’re writing, even if it’s a short one-shot. I don’t love reading something that feels like its writer just inserted the names of popular characters into their otherwise original work so that people would read it. I want to have the little details and feel convinced that these are the characters (and the world) that I love. Personal preference.

In some cases, I default to realism over canon, such as by giving Cosmo the ability to recognize faces. In my psychology classes, I’ve learned that sometimes during investigations, police will show pictures to people and ask them to select the face that matches the one they were shown earlier. People pretending to be mentally handicapped in some way will often get the answers wrong on purpose in an attempt to maintain their facade, while those who are actually mentally handicapped will get them right. Just a nitpicky thing I do.

So I often favor realism over canon in certain ways, even if it possibly contradicts canon a bit. I respect canon and try to stay true to it as much as possible because I enjoy doing so, but I don’t consider myself 100% beholden to it, especially considering how many different contributors there can be to a project over the years. I do my best, but enjoying what I write comes first.

#33 - How do you feel about crack?

I can enjoy the occasional way-out-there thing, but I prefer serious stories in general.

#40 - Write an alternative ending to [insert fic title] (or just the summary of one).

Well, you didn’t give me a ‘fic you wanted to see an alternate ending to, but I do have a few short pieces I can share. You see, the “That Was Then” Prompt (the Jay Rhoswen and his studies about Anti-Fairies one) wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. Here is how it was meant to go:

Rhoswen scooted back hand over hand along the counter, his feet skittering in the vapor. What in the name of dust was he doing? He shouldn’t be looking at his wife’s counterpart more than at his wife! He shouldn’t be having these sorts of thoughts at all!

Anti-Shylinda placed her palms to his cheeks and gazed into his eyes. “No talk,” she whispered, and when she leaned forward, those burning lips closed over his.

As for whether that Seelie Courter chose to kiss the anti-fairy back once she’d started to draw away? Well… You ought to look to the term “Rhoswen syndrome” to answer that.

I didn’t like the idea of Anti-Shylinda being the one to make moves on Jay, so I scrapped it. Not only that, but the whole piece is written as snippets from Rhoswen’s journal now, so the voice here no longer fit the narrative.

At the end of the first chapter of Frayed Knots, “String Theory”, Anti-Cosmo cuts off the tips of his ears. I was originally going to expand the scene as follows:

Blood spattered the floor. With a hiss through my teeth, I withdrew the knife and dabbed the blood up with my sleeve. The stone might stain.

Recalculating, I dragged my stool over to the sink. The angle was awkward, but at least my blood would wash easily away. There, I slit off the tip of my ear, cutting carefully around my first canetis ring. Then I mirrored the action on the other side. Both rings bounced across the stone with a clink, click, clatter.

I uncurled my tongue and set the knife aside. Then I took the severed tips of my ears and held them to my head again. It took three agonizing minutes, but the smoke that filled my veins stretched out and wound around my fingers. It absorbed my ears and pressed them into place again. Full, soft, and whole. I fingered the gashes mother’s piercing clamp had left behind. Apparently, even regeneration couldn’t heal injuries left by an unenchanted tool. Useful information to know.

The canetis rings disappeared into my pocket. Then I got up and pushed open the window. I took a running start, dove out, and unfurled my wings.

However, I kind of liked leaving the chapter on the cliffhanger of “Oh my gosh, what did he just do to himself???” I also couldn’t include a sink in the castle in a time period when there is no indoor plumbing. Then I decided that I would rather give Anti-Cosmo permanent gashes in his ears he had caused himself, rather than ones caused by his mother, to always remind him (and everyone around him) of that day he stood against Anti-Fairy tradition. Kind of a shame to delete the scene since I like how it gave us information about smoke and Anti-Fairy healing right from the start. I might recycle it later.

Actually, if we’re talking about the original version of Knots, everything was supposed to be different than what it was. Here is another deleted scene that was originally planned to be the opening scene of Knots:

“Mum, I’m nine and a half minutes old. I’m not a baby anymore. Come on, please? You let Anti-Robin leave home to get his wand when he was only three!”

“You weren’t even born yet. How can you possibly know that?”

“He told me about thirty seconds ago, right before you came in here.” I grabbed my mother’s skirt in two tiny fists. “Mum, I’m going to be the only pup in the colony without a wand. What about our image?”

She wavered visibly, running her thumb along her staff. “Well…”

Father peered over his spectacles and frowned. “Now, wait just a minute here, Anti-Florensa. He’s just a pup. You can’t send him into the woods to gather the materials for his first wand all by himself.”

“But it has always been our family’s tradition,” she sniffed. “It’s not as though he’ll die. On the contrary, I’m more concerned about him killing valuable plants with his acid. Anti-Cosmo, you’re drooling again.”

I wiped my mouth. “Sorry, Mum.”

I really loved the “I’m nine and a half minutes old- I’m not a baby anymore!” idea, especially since there aren’t many times when you’ll have the chance to use it. As you can see, Frayed Knots was going to begin with baby Anti-Cosmo leaving his manor home alone to obtain his first wand. 

But overall, in the end, I decided that it was more important to show the importance of smoke in Anti-Fairy culture, and we ended up with the scene we have now. Also, I really wanted Anti-Cosmo to grow up never knowing who his father was until several years after Anti-Robin had died, which meant I had to scrap or replace this scene in some way anyway.

The “Mama’s Boy” Prompt was actually written with the manor idea in mind, and I believe Anti-Florensa even uses the word “manor” in it. I added an author’s note to that piece several months ago mentioning that “Mama’s Boy” is semi-canon for now until Frayed Knots is finalized. A lot has changed.

Some other deleted scenes from the early plans of “Anti-Cosmo lives with his family in a manor near the Castle, and they are nobles but not royalty” include:

“I got something for you, kiddo.” Anti-Robin flicked an aluminum medal across the table that read #2 Son. I grinned.

“This is for me? Thanks! I love it!”

He tilted down his glasses. “You say, ‘Thank you, Father, for this generous gift.’”

I repeated the words, and he tousled my hair. “Now, go do second son things.”

“Yes, sir! I will! Thank you, Father!” With the medal swinging from my neck, I trotted happily off.

and

I clung to the frame of his office door, beating my wings to keep myself from staggering forward. I knew better than to cross the threshold, even though there was nothing I wanted more in the universe right then than to throw my arms around his waist and squeeze him in a hug. The bruise Mother had left on my arm hurt even more now than it did in the kitchen, somehow. My eyes slid back and forth across his desk.

“Where are you going?”

Anti-Robin calmly placed another folded shirt inside the suitcase. “Back to Anti-Scarlett’s.”

“With your other family?” I asked. “With her kids, Anti-Xavier and Anti-Tom?”

“Yes.”

“Why can’t I come with you? I want to meet them.”

“It’s a dad thing.” He closed the suitcase with two clicks and turned around. His eyes were steely calm, his frown very firm. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

and

“ELEANOR!”

Anti-Robin and I grabbed our mouths and looked at each other, gaping with our eyes. Mother was over 150,000 years old. Her real name wasn’t supposed to be said out loud.

Father slammed a newspaper on the table, then stepped back and crossed his arms. “Might I inquire what the meaning of this is, ‘dear’?”

“Whatever do you mean?” she asked, not looking up from the end of her staff. She studied its base, then ran her polish rag across it again.

“Anti-Bryndin had the green fairy locked up, and I know you’re behind it.”

So, don’t feel too sad that Anti-Cosmo grows up without a dad in my works! It wouldn’t have been the best relationship anyway. Besides that, now that I’ve had time to think about it, this Anti-Robin portrayal isn’t that far off Ambrosine, and I’d rather H.P. and Anti-Cosmo had fathers with very different personalities.

If you have a really sharp memory, you may possibly remember seeing that medal around Anti-Cosmo’s neck when I drew my late-night FOP/Moana doodle dump that one time.

I also have oodles of scenes deleted from Anti-Cosmo’s visit to Winkleglint’s estate, since originally Scarletfeather was supposed to show up and Anti-Cosmo panicked when he couldn’t stop Scarletfeather from luring Mr. Thimble away. I could have filled another entire chapter with what happened during that study abroad week, but in the end I decided they were mostly self-indulgent and not important enough in the grand scheme of things to justify leaving in.

I’m skimming through my files of deleted scenes and I forgot I had this one too. Anti-Cosmo wasn’t supposed to have his intelligence test proctored by Ambrosine originally, as I was going to send him to this mental hospital facility. I decided against it, but here is a terrifying scene that we almost got. So, it’s technically an alternative ending too:

Dr. Gabriel handed me a piece of bark marked with the word Failed. “Don’t get cocky. Everyone has their limits.”

Failed? That lout outright failed me? I dropped the bark strip and looked up as Dr. Gabriel spread his wings. With a few sharp beats, he flew out of the pit. I chased after him, searching the platform above me with my eyes. So I couldn’t fly, and I was short, but I could make that leap-

“Oof!”

Or… perhaps not. I slid back down to the floor and landed on my rump. Never one to be deterred, I leaped back to my feet. Something to boost me, something to boost me… Oh! Snatching up his forgotten broom, I backed against the opposite wall, and then ran forward. I shoved the handle of the broom into the corner offered by the platform and the floor and launched myself into the air. Yes! Yes! Ahahaha! I hurtled out of the pit and went rolling across the ground. Dr. Gabriel spun around, his mouth falling open in surprise.

“Please,” I begged him, climbing to my feet again. My broken wings batted feebly behind me. “I want to gain a Fairy education. Level with me, doctor. You don’t want Anti-Fairies filling up your precious conservative school. And I don’t want Anti-Fairies filling it up either. True, we Anti-Fairies are known for our memories, but I like to feel special, and I shouldn’t want to chance anyone stealing my thunder away from me. You let me in, and I won’t breathe a word about your biases against my people.”

Dr. Gabriel studied me with idle coldness, clutching his tablets to his chest. He drifted a few steps backwards along the corridor. “Anti-Cosmo, your genius is entirely creative. You’re severely behind in your knowledge of technical skills, and you lack basic common sense as well as a sense of self-preservation. Because of this, we can’t recommend you be placed in any advanced programs. You’ll need to stay where you’re at.”

The corners of my mouth twisted into a frown. Then a sneer. “Frankly, Dr. Gabriel, I’m not particularly fond of that option.”

With that, I yanked out the can of forget-a-cin I’d nicked from his pouch when he’d been turned the other way. Dr. Gabriel had time to look horrified before I mashed the button down. My eyes were squeezed shut, but even so, the world around me lit with white. I let the empty canister fall to the floor and opened my eyes again to find the nervous fairy glancing around in bewilderment.

“There,” I said. “I’ve just put a block over this memory of yours. I do hope no one else would care to challenge me, or I will be forced to perform the same trick on them. Now, I demand that you, good sir, will have me enrolled in all the classes of my choosing. Is that understood?”

Dr. Gabriel’s wandering eyes finally latched onto me. His shoulders shivered, although he possibly didn’t remember why. He bobbed a bit lower in the air. Then his wings fell silent altogether, and he leaned his back against the wall. He slid down to the floor. “S-security! Security?”

His voice was too weak for anyone who wasn’t an Anti-Fairy to hear. I sighed. Covering my eyes again, I made a signal with my other hand. “Oh, dear. I do apologize. I really never do this, you must understand. It’s so messy.”

If he hadn’t been so hazy from the aftereffects of the forget-a-cin, I’m sure Dr. Gabriel wouldn’t have let me get away with as much as he did. As it happened, I walked right up to him and lay my claw against the karmic pouch on the left side of his neck. He yelped, but I knocked his clumsy hands away from me without any real effort. I braced my hand against my hip.

“I really never do this. It’s vile and crude. So sorry, I really am. But then again, well, perhaps I’m really not.” And with that, I sunk my fangs into his neck. Blech. He tasted of old mutton.

Dr. Gabriel screamed. He twisted, his shoulders rapidly seizing up. I rolled my eyes and kept my fangs embedded until his coughs turned to silence and he had frozen in place, as still as a stone statue. Only then did I wrench back my head, bringing the coils of his karmic weave along with me. Most of them were blue, but here and there a pink one surfaced, or a yellow. As the colourful threads of his life whisked above us, I stood back and traced one claw beneath my eye.

“Anti-Fairy tears consist mainly of sulfuric acid, of course. And I daresay you hurt my feelings quite a bit back there, didn’t you?”

Forcing myself to cry came as naturally as forcing myself not to cry always had. I captured the burning tear on the end of my claw and, very slowly, held it out towards the paralyzed fairy sitting against the wall. For several long seconds, I let him see it glistening there. Threatening to drip down on the place where I had bitten him. Which was still bleeding.

“I never do this,” I said again, truthfully apologetic. “It’s messy and you’ll be rather cross when you wake up, assuming you wake again at all. But it is true that I am crying, and here you are, lying so very still. We’re standing rather close, aren’t we? So close that I could touch you.”

Lacking the ability to move, all Dr. Gabriel could do was sit numbly, his mouth gaping. I lowered my claw towards his neck.

“But it’s only a single tear, isn’t it? Why should a fairy care if he made an anti-fairy child cry? No, a single tear cannot hurt your conscience. A single tear may sting your skin, perhaps, but it shouldn’t cause any long-lasting problem so long as no liquid in your body is particularly warm. Oh, wait…” Here I feigned surprise, and brought my claw a mere centimetre from his karmic pouch. Green liquid trickled down his neck. I smiled. “Why, internal Fairy body temperature borders on the boiling point, does it not? Oooh, I’d hate to see what happens when that acid comes into contact with your blood. I’ve heard it’s prone to such catastrophic explosions.”

There was, of course, no reply. Sighing, I withdrew my handkerchief from my pocket and wiped the tear from my claw.

“No, but I suppose I’m a gentleman, so I shan’t leave you comfortless. As I told you, I really never do this. I’m all boasts and bluster, really. That’s all I really am. Let’s get you cleaned up, lad.”

I was just wiping away the last drops of acid from his stunned face when the door opened behind me. I looked over my shoulder to find Anti-Jolene floating there with a clipboard in hand. She took in the threads of wild karma and my kerchief, and looked at me with her ears cocked forward.

“So… How is it going?”

I sighed and tucked the handkerchief away. “Dr. Gabriel and I have just finished, painfully. I say, are business deals with Fairies always so messy?”

She smiled a thin smile. “It would behoove us to find a neutral party who could settle things between our two races more easily, wouldn’t it?”

“I’ll be cleaning karma out of my fur for weeks,” I muttered, and went about gathering up his tangled threads so I could stuff them back inside his soul.

He was one messed up kid in this draft, that is for sure. Who knows? Perhaps I’ll find a place for this scene in the current version someday, if I ever need to send an older Anti-Cosmo to a mental health facility. For now, however, it’s deleted.

“This Is a Box” was actually supposed to end differently as well. And of course, so was “This Is Halloween.” Every once in awhile I’ll have a piece get away from me and end the way it wants, but most of them end the way I plan from the start.

Thanks for all your requests! I really appreciate your curiosity!