#im okay now though and ive generally put THAT incident behind me

[gxldencity]

4, 7 & 24 for the 🔥🔥 asks!

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

Tbh I don't have a last straw anymore. I use and abuse the block button liberally. If I see an annoying opinion, I block. Sometimes, I don't even finish reading the post because you usually can tell it's rancid from the first 2 lines.

I've blocked half a fandom at this point bc of the constant negativity. I simply don't care anymore. I'm here to have fun. If you take personal offense to that then that's your problem not mine.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

Alngksgnw as you're said hate IS a strong word and I don't hate characters really unless there is a good reason for me to hate them.

So when I say I began to dislike Dorian Pavus after seeing how the fandom acted towards him, I don't hate him. I guess I do find him fascinating and relatable to an extent but I also don't think he's written perfectly as some people act like he is. Revisiting Dorian's quest as an adult with a fully developed brain and way more comfortable about my own queerness made me realize that I dislike how Dorian didn't really have agency whether to reconcile with his father or not. I know it's the point of The game to have a choice but Idk a bit more dialogue about the choice could've easily solved that problem for me.

I also have issues with Dorian's Indian coding lmao and have since felt like I was duped. It just feels like a cop-out? Like Gaider and team knew about the complaints people have about his comments wrt Asians in Thedas so they made him Asian—only mentioning it in a forum post or Twitter I think 🫠 so to this day ive seen people still surprised that he's Asian—without considering how to code him as Indian in the game.

Things like his clothing having some influences from the cultures in India or family structures and mannerisms. I mean it could be as simple as Indian coding the people of Quarinus so you don't just have this one Indian coded family in the entirety of Thedas. The Alexiuses could've also been Indian coded.

(An aside there's more layers to this like the unfortunate implications of coding a group of people who own slaves as poc but I could write a whole post about Dragon Age's attempts of trying to put Asians in this game)

Anyway, that's canon lol. Fandom makes this all worse. I could just point at the Orientalist depictions of Dorian in fanart and just end it here but nope it goes deeper. Somehow, Dorian attracted the worst kind of fandom. Like the Solas and Cullen stans maybe louder but I was there Gandalf. I was in the trenches. People were forming cliques around this one BNF and their friends. I was in the clique and it was all good until Tresspasser dropped.

You see this clique hated that Tresspasser ended with Dorian and the Inquisitor being in an LDR—because Dorian was off trying to fix a country—to the point where some of them acted like they broke up. Hello? Okay 1) That is such a poor reading on long distance relationships 2) Dorian...got a phone crystal for the Inquisitor, u know a tech that didn't exist in Thedas so they can stay in touch.

It also isn't enough that they didn't like it. Others have to Not like it as well. I remember talking to the BNF about my Inquisitor and Dorian, how they stayed in touch as Dorian was y'know trying to fix a country and the BNF told me that it was a depressing situation for my Inquisitor and Dorian...even though it isn't and they're perfectly happy.

(An side, not from this clique but I wouldnt be surprised if some of them also held this opinion but I saw some accusations from folks that Bioware is homophobic because Dorian and the Inquisitor are in an LDR. This is how batshit this fandom is).

Anyway, to keep it short, I was 19-20 when all of this happened. I probably said some stupid shit around that time but I should tell you these people were in their late 20s to early 30s. They were affected by a 19-20 year old with just a handful of followers saying stupid shit. They were so affected by the barely adult saying stupid shit that one of them stalked me, vagueposted about me and when I found out they were vagueposting about me, proceeded to gaslight me and told me I was the one stalking them. :)

Not only that, they also harassed one of my friends to not posting their fics ever again, harrassed a friend of a friend for trying to steal the BNF's spotlight 🙄. Come on some of you have fucking children.

I don't think I could look at Dorian in the same way which is a shame because for a time he was important to me but like God, it was rough.

I also have not forgotten nor forgave :) hence why I have the studio behind that chorus game or whatever it's called now blocked :) and would not be playing it. Do not care if David Gaider is the one writing it. I mean he kinda was the weakest link in that writing team imo (and I also hate his prose).

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Very cliche but anything to do with the mages and templars

[heartpascal]

something is rotten

▹ — joel miller x niece!reader

▹ — summary: part two of to an empty house — arriving in jackson brings painful feelings, and even worse conversations.

▹ — a/n: UGH!! guys im not all that happy with this one!! ive changed it a couple times too D: but i have left yall hanging long enough!! lemme know if you want anymore about these guys :’) && ty guys sm for all the support ILY!!

▹ — warnings: slight spoilers for episode 6 ‘kin’, swearing, ANGST!!!, a bit of comfort, father figure joel, reader has daddy issues, and abandonment issues, and is generally not struggling in life PLS

▹ — tags: @canpillowscry @randomstory56 @angsty-twihardxx @frogtits1 @exiledangel @sleepdeprived-barelyalive @vee-vee-writes @rhyanna6012 @snixx2088 @mona-aiko @mymommmy (those of you tagged in italics asked for part 2 in the comments of the first part! drop me a message if you want your tag removed!!)

masterlist

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Life in the apocalypse had been non-stop since you had left that hydroelectric power plant, left behind Tommy, and for a while, all thoughts of him. There hadn’t been time to worry about that sort of thing, between almost losing Joel, and then almost losing Ellie, and then finally reaching the hospital that had been your end goal.

In some ways, you were glad. It kept your mind racing, the feeling of constantly being on edge allowing your brain to stay away from silly things, such as your father.

But now, with that whole chapter finally being over, Joel and Ellie were ready to settle down, to live in a home, rather than travelling miles upon miles, never feeling safe. The three of you had been through a lot, and since the… incident with Ellie, her joke book had remained closed.

You knew that Joel had noticed the change in her, just the same as you had. What she had thought to be her purpose, the justification for everybody who had been lost on your journey, their sacrifice, had been for nothing. It was tearing her apart, and it hurt you to watch it happen.

There was no question about your next destination, though you tried to ignore the reality of it for as long as you possibly could, you were fully aware that Jackson was what Ellie needed. Hell, you’d even go as far as to say it was what Joel needed, too. But deep down, you knew that going there was going to tear you to pieces, despite the way you liked to put on a strong front, following in Joel’s footsteps even in that sense.

You didn’t share your concerns, content to continue the journey in silence, pretending not to notice the way Joel and Ellie looked at you the closer you got to the town.

“Hey, you okay?” Ellie murmured to you, the final stop of your journey feeling like something similar to that of impending doom. She nudged your arm with her elbow, smiling in a way that didn’t quite reach her eyes like it used to.

“Mighty fine.” You responded, her dim smile reflected in your own, and you let it fall the moment she nodded at you, despite clearly being unconvinced by your words.

You fell into step beside her and Joel, and felt his hand grasp on to your shoulder as you caught glimpse of Jackson in the not far enough distance. He squeezed your shoulder the slightest bit, and gave you the biggest reassuring smile he could muster, though it didn’t soothe your worries like it used to.

Maybe it was everything the three of you had been through over your journey, or maybe it was the impending arrival at Jackson, but you were starting to notice the world had become much dimmer than you remembered it to be. Joel’s grip less reassuring, Ellie’s smile less genuine, that faint hope in your gut long gone. With a frown, the thought came to you that this was what it meant to grow up.

The lines on Ellie’s face said the same thing, the sigh that had left her chest, made up of pure exhaustion, just told you that her naive nature had vanished. Jokes no longer received the same laughter, and the world no longer held beauty. Growing up felt like hopelessness settling, nuzzling its way in and making itself at home in that space around your heart. The grip it had made it feel like perhaps, it wouldn’t be all too bad if that heartbeat slowed, but you pushed that thought aside for another time.

For now, you’d have to focus on the problem at hand; arriving in Jackson.

It was warmer now than it had been when you’d left the power plant, and it showed in the way that the green lands had brightened, the sun settling and warming the back of your neck. The heat meant less layers, and the three of you had removed your jackets long before arriving in the town.

The lookouts had spotted you all before you’d been anywhere near the gate, so it was no surprise that Tommy was there to greet the three of you when the gates were finally pulled open, allowing you a peek into the home he valued so much.

Walking in, you had already begun your self-appointed mission of ignoring every word Tommy Miller said, but felt yourself almost blown away by the sights around you. For a moment, just a split second, it was nice.

That thought went out the window a second later, catching a glimpse of your so-called father, and you couldn’t help but recall the way you’d sat for endless nights, waiting for that very man, and imagined yourself living a life with him in a town just like this one.

You felt sick.

That little kid deserved better, you decided. You were worthy of living this kind of life, of getting to sleep in a warm house, of not having to worry about if Joel and Tess would get enough ration cards to feed the three of you, of getting horse riding lessons! The facts of the situation stared you in the face, getting clearer the longer you looked around. Your own father denied you of this life.

With building anger, the feeling white-hot, burning, you turned to Joel where he was speaking with his brother. “Where are we staying?”

Tommy looked between you and Joel, swallowing when Joel just raised a brow at him, and spoke, “Uh, little place just a couple blocks over. 38, I think. Rancher Street, I’ll take you guys over—”

“I’ll make my own way.” You snapped, before he could even finish his sentence. If you had to look at him for even a second longer, you were sure that the overflowing anger and resentment would explode, and you weren’t convinced anyone would be able to pick up the pieces that would be left behind.

You stormed down the street before he could say another word to you, turning down the first alley you saw and standing still in the street on the other side, letting out a harsh breath.

You couldn’t be sure how long you’d stood there for, trying to turn down the simmering emotions inside of you, but it was clearly long enough for somebody to notice. “You good there?” A young girl asked, and you turned to her, brows furrowed.

“‘M fine.” You responded gruffly, and even you could hear the way your speech reflected Joel’s own. The thought calmed you, almost, reminding you of who your real dad was.

She stepped closer, clearly not taking a hint, “You sure? New in town? You look lost.”

“Yes, yes, and I’m not lost.” You said to her, though you didn’t exactly know where you were. She just raised her eyebrows at you, and you huffed, “Lookin’ for a Rancher Street.”

The girl nodded, something between a smirk and a smile on her face, and pointed forward, “First left twice, then a right. Should get you there just fine.”

“Thanks.” You said, immediately heading off in the direction she’d guided you in. You kept your head down, brows furrowed, and tried to keep your attention away from the world around you. It was clear that it’d just make you more angry.

You counted along with the house numbers as you passed by, Rancher Street wasn’t that densely populated, if the look of the houses were anything to go by. There was quite a few that looked run down, number 38 included, once you arrived. You went inside, the door already unlocked, and sneezed when you inhaled all the dust that clouded the air. This place must’ve been barely touched throughout the last twenty years.

Grabbing a book left on the coffee table, you pulled it open, and sat on the edge of an old sofa, sighed through your nose when even more dust floated up from it.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

“You’ll go, because it’s the polite thing to do.” Joel told you firmly, sighing heavily as he looked over at you with his arms crossed.

“You think I give a shit about being polite?” You asked him, mirroring his stance by crossing your own arms. He rolled his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he clearly brainstormed a way to get around your stubbornness.

“Just this one time,” He told you, saying your name pleadingly, “Then you’ll never have to go ‘round there again.”

That peaked your interest, and you uncrossed your arms, “Really? You promise?”

“Swear.” Joel replied, and sighed something near to relief, finally calling Ellie’s name. The stairs creaked, and she appeared less than a second later.

“You coming?” She asked, thought she had obviously been sat on the stairs, listening to yours and Joel’s… conversation, the whole time.

“Yeah,” You sighed unhappily, “I’m coming.”

The three of you made your way across town, with Joel checking a scrap piece of paper that you could only assume held directions. Lights had flickered on by now, the darkness of the evening being offset by the yellow lamps that poured light over the street. It was weird, you thought, being able to see so clearly in the darkness.

Joel knocked at the wooden door when you arrived, looking back at you where you stood, just off the porch with Ellie, like he thought you might run away if he didn’t keep his eyes on you.

Though the thought had occurred to you, you wouldn’t do it, not if it meant that Joel’s promise would be vacant. Just this once, he had sworn.

The front door opened as Ellie knocked your arm with her elbow, giving you a slight reassuring smile. You appreciated the effort, but the reassurance fell flat. There was something about this situation that you just couldn’t put into words, but it hurt. Her arm wrapped through your own as Joel followed Tommy inside, and she led you in after them, closing the door behind you.

Immediately, you were tense. Your heart felt as if it was beating in your throat, like it was going to stop if you took another step. You tried not to look around, keeping your eyes on your battered old shoes as you let Ellie continue leading you through the house.

Her abrupt stop had you stumbling into her, and lifting your head with furrowed brows. You glanced to where she was looking, seeing the names Kevin and Sarah written in a scrawl on a chalkboard in what you guessed would be a living room. You frowned, and gripped Ellie’s arm tighter, breaking her from her stare at the board.

You pretended not to notice the homely feel to the house, the warmth of it making your palms sweat. If you allowed your mind to wonder too far, you’d be reminded of how you had dreamed of living a life like this as a kid, dreamed of a house just like this one, shared with your father. You would be reminded of how he chose to have this, chose to have it without you.

Good job you keep your mind on a tight leash, you supposed, gritting your teeth and blinking away the angry tears that wanted to rise and fall from your eyes.

You breathed in deeply through your nose, looking up as Ellie began to loosen her grip on your arm, having arrived at the dining room. The concept had always been strange to you, having lived in a shitty apartment for basically all your life, and having a whole room just for eating seemed like a waste of valuable space.

Ellie took a seat, and you quickly followed in her example as Joel stood talking to Tommy by the doorway, engaged in conversation like they were as close as they had been two decades ago.

“You got this.” Ellie said, her hand on squeezing your arm as she looked towards where you were wringing your fingers together, your stomach feeling as though you’d left it back by the porch. You nodded at her, swallowing and smiling tightly.

You stayed quiet as Tommy finished setting the table, before he was moving back and forth between the dining room and kitchen, bringing various plates and a few sauces with each trip. Finally, he sat down at the head of the table beside Ellie, and you kept your gaze away from him.

“Sorry I couldn’t be there to greet you guys when you got in,” Maria called, finally approaching from the kitchen, and you were keeping your gaze on your hands until Ellie frantically began tapping your, her expression saying something you’d couldn’t quite understand, something close to pity in her eyes. “Kinda hard to get around so quick, these days.” Maria laughed, placed a big plate down on the table before standing back up, her hands on her back and—

If you had eaten any food, you were sure you would’ve thrown it all back up.

There, standing in front of you, was your father’s wife — pregnant.

It felt like a million different feelings were running through your head, faster than you could catch up, all your thoughts were racing, clashing together and leaving only one that was literate: What the fuck?

Maria sat down beside Joel, at Tommy’s side, and you could see in Joel’s eyes that he hadn’t expected this, could see the pity building in his eyes just as you’d seen in Ellie’s, and it was all far too much.

“I can’t do this.” You announced, slamming your hands on the table and feeling some satisfaction in the way the cutlery clattered together. You pushed your chair back, standing up, and saw your father open his mouth to speak.

He said your name, and you snapped.

“Don’t talk to me! What the fuck is wrong with you?” You cried out, staring daggers at the man who was supposed to be your dad. The angry tears that you had managed to push away earlier came rushing back, one already falling down your cheek. You wiped it away angrily.

“Kid, just listen—”

You seethed, “Kid? Do I look like a fucking kid to you? You missed out on that, Tommy. You have no idea—” Your voice broke for a moment, as you thought of all the things that had happened to you since your father had been around. “I don’t have to listen to you. You’re not my dad, remember? You left your daughter, years ago. You have no idea what we’ve been through.”

Ellie was stood beside you, her hand on your shoulder, though when she had got there, you had no idea. The edges of your vision were red, and you could feel the way your throat was tightening.

“I’m sorry,” He started, your name leaving his lips once again, and Ellie held firmly against you as you leant towards him, your blood warming in your veins as your heartbeat echoed in your ears.

“I don’t think sorry cuts it.” You laughed, humourlessly. “I don’t think anything does, actually. I will never forgive you. You hear me? You listening? Never.”

You turned away, Ellie’s hand falling away, and you even avoided Joel as he stood up and tried to reach out for you. You couldn’t face them, not like this, not when it felt like your father had taken a chisel to your heart, and left you with only splintered ribs. You were choking on the emptiness of it, the reality of your life and what it meant to the man who had helped create it.

You were more certain now than ever that he had never cared for you, that he had left because of you, not just despite you.

It was horrible, and it was something you had always suspected. A part of you wished that he had died alongside the Fireflies, because at least then he wouldn’t have had a choice in staying away, right? But no, he was alive and well, thriving in the home he’d made without you, while you worried back at the QZ that barely provided you with enough food to get by.

You were storming away, and had reached the house you'd been allocated before you even really noticed that you had left. The blood in your veins had reached a boil by now, and you could feel the steaming in your lungs, in the way it suffocated you and made every breath burn against your throat.

The backpack in your hands was still filled with everything you owned, seeing as you hadn’t bothered to unpack into somebody else’s bedroom, though it had been theirs a lifetime ago. It didn’t help the deepening rage within you, the despair that was tilting your entire world on its axis. Everything in your life was in this bag, probably weighing less than the plate of food Maria had brought out.

Meanwhile, your father had a whole house full of shit that belonged to him. You scoffed, feeling that burning sensation crawling up your chest, so close to hatred, but something far more raw, more painful.

Your feet took you back out to Rancher Street, legs moving before your mind was fully caught up. You met the rest of the Miller’s halfway through your trek, with them on their way to Joel’s new house, whilst you were trying to make your way to the gate, prepared to leave, rather than get left behind.

Joel called your name, his expression displaying the panic that was crushing his chest. He had been a builder, before. He had fixed things — it was what he did, what he liked to do. But this was something he didn’t know how to fix, something that may have just been broken beyond repair… he wasn’t sure what to do with that.

“Joel, don’t,” You told him, voice trembling as you spoke, stopping in front of the man who had looked after you for your whole life. “Please don’t. Nothin’ that anyone says could make me not hate him. Not even you.”

Joel swallowed, glancing back to his brother behind him, where he stood with his wife, before glancing to Ellie at his own side.

“I—I didn’t mean for this,” Tommy said, arms up by his head as if he was surrendering, but you knew he was just trying to make himself feel better. “I swear!”

“I don’t care,” You cried, feeling your frustration build that none of these people had the ability to understand you, to understand how it felt for your own father to look at you and leave you behind. They couldn’t get how crushing this was, that he was starting over. “Go ahead, start over with your wife. First time ‘round didn’t work, but second time, surely!”

He flinched at your words, as if they had hurt him, but your expression hardened. He had no idea what true hurt was — how could he?

“I know I wasn’t the greatest dad—”

“You have never been my dad. Joel is my dad. He’s looked after me my whole life while you were out lookin’ for something, who knows what, because I don’t believe you ever found it.” You spat at him, feeling Ellie approach your side, hold on to your wrist as your hands clenched into fists.

Joel’s face fell, the reality of your feelings towards your father were crushing, but he could see why you’d feel that way. He’d agree with you, too, if anybody deserved the title of your dad, it’d be himself, not his brother. He remembered a few times when you’d used the name for him, though you had been sick or exhausted down to your very bones both times, and he had figured that in your muddled mind, you’d gotten him confused with Tommy. That was the reason he had never corrected it, not wanting to squash whatever little amount of hope and love you had for his brother. He’d had no idea that the truth was that you saw him, not his brother, and your mind had made that connection.

He felt like he could cry when you turned to him, that glassy look in your eyes, and he saw the pieces of you that his own brother had broken. “I want to leave.” You told him, lip trembling as you said the words.

Joel didn’t know what to reply with — the two of you had nowhere to go, and Ellie didn’t, either. This place was your best option, your only option, really. He shook his head, mouth slightly agape as he tried to think of something to say, something that could convince you.

Ellie said your name, and you drew your gaze to her, where she looked guilty, far guiltier than you had ever seen her. “I want to stay.” She told you, her eyes darting away from you as if she was confessing some awful sin to you.

“I know,” You said, letting her hand slip from your wrist to your own hand, and squeeze tightly. “But I…”

Your gaze moved to Tommy and Maria, and your expression hardened, features turning to stone when you looked at the two of them. “I’ll stay. For now. And I’m still a Miller, but— but if anybody asks, I’m Joel’s daughter.”

Joel nodded, smiling thinly at you, tears welled up in his own eyes, and you nodded back to him.

“O—Okay.” Tommy said, swallowing, but you shushed him before he could continue.

“As for you, I don’t wanna see you. Let’s keep it the way you decided we should be.“ Your voice trembled, but you remained firm on your words. “I don’t wanna see your face, or hear your voice. I don’t want to know you. Joel can do what he likes, but you stay far away from me, you got it? The only kid you have is that one.” You finished, gesturing toward where Maria held a hand over her stomach.

Tommy looked as if he was going to disagree, but people had begun peeking through the windows of the houses on either side of the street, and when Joel stepped beside you, arm immediately going around your shoulders, he knew he had no choice.

“Hope you’re a better father to that kid than you were to me.” You hissed at him, seeing the way his face crumpled and finding satisfaction in it.

The small part of you, the darkest part, hoped every one of your words hurt him. Hoped that he lived the rest of his life knowing that he fucked up, that he ruined you, and that when you built yourself back up, he’d never get the chance to know you.

Joel took the backpack from your shoulder, pulling it over his own, and turned you away from the father you had disowned. The three of you walked away, not looking back to see the way Maria had to herd him away as he stared at you, something close to grief in his eyes.

When you arrived back at 38 Rancher Street, Ellie held your hand tightly while Joel opened the front door, dropping your backpack by the stairs as he moved towards the dust filled living room. The two of you followed him, and he turned around to see you squeezing Ellie’s hand, your lips trembling and your face crumpled as you looked up at him.

“Did I make a mistake? Did I ruin everything?” You asked him, trying so hard to keep yourself together, to tape all the little pieces of yourself into something that resembled okay, but it wasn't working.

“God, no, kid.” Joel said, and he was in front of you and Ellie before you could get another word in, pulling the two of you into his arms and breathing out a tired exhale. “I’m proud of you, proud of you both.” He told you, and your whole facade collapsed beneath you, leaving you sobbing into his arms, wondering where everything had gone wrong, wondering what that little kid would’ve said if she had heard your words tonight.

“We’re gonna be alright.” Joel told the two of you, feeling Ellie squeeze her arms tighter around him, until she let go, pointing upwards to let him know where she was heading. He nodded at her, an understanding expression on his face, and tightened both his arms around you.

“You swear?” You checked, unable to help yourself, and let yourself breathe a shaky sigh into his neck when he responded.

“Swear.”

[wolferals]

👄 whiskey lips*👄

arón piper imagine

*

„Hey y/n... shh wake up."

I was woken by someone shaking my shoulder.

It was Alvaro, I figured after opening my eyes and being hit by the sunlight right into em.

„Huh?" I asked tired and slowly sat up.

Thats when I realized I really had fallen asleep at the beach.

I slowly looked around and saw that the boys were gone.

„The guys are back at the house. You are burned."

He spoke in his cute accent.

I scanned my body and saw that, in fact, i was really red. Well I didnt use sunscreen because I just came down to the beach to bring Arón his phone which he had forgotten. Then we ended up splashing each other in the water and then I unfortunately fell asleep.

„Yeah. Uh thanks for waking me. Let's go."

I got up, grabbed my bag and walked next to Alvaro back up to the house Ally, their manager, had rented for us for a couple of days to get some rest from all the traveling lately.

„When did the guys leave?"

I asked Alvaro when we walked up the stairs.

„Like uhm... 10 minutes ago."

I nodded. „Okay."

Alvaro and I didnt really talk the rest of the walk. Not because we dont like each other, it was more because Alvaro was a rather shy guy and so was I. So no one ever started a conversation.

I do like Alvaro, but i feel like we just dont have too much in common.

When we arrived at the house I walked in first, directly to my room to immediately moisturize my skin from the already burned incident.

Then I took off my bikini and put on a comfy bra, a big shirt and some shorts before walking downstairs meeting the guys in the living room.

Arón, Itzan and Omar were shirtless, for whatever reason. I mean Miguel and Alvaro survived as well even tho they were wearing shirts.

„Hey sleeping beauty, uh damn u got burned."

Itzan said and put away his phone looking at me grinning.

„Didnt you use any sunscreen?"

Omar asked then and started laughing like crazy seeing my beetroot red face.

„Noo, because I never meant to fall asleep. Why didnt any of you wake me?"

-„Arón wanted to but we felt bad because you were sleeping like a baby."

Aw he wanted to wake me because Arón knew I would get burned, i told him before.

„Well..." was all I was able to say before Itzan pulled me down at my shorts making me sit next to him on the couch with me legs on his lap. „So girl, how you doin in general?"

Itzan grinned at me, then touching my cheek trying to feel up my sunburned skin.

„Im okay."

-„Can we watch a movie and order some food?"

I then suggested and looked at all the guys.

„Actually Omar cooked for us. But for a movie Im totally in. Lord of the Rings?"

Arón words made me smile. He remembered how much I loved Lord of the rings.

The rest of the guys apparently noticed mine and Arón's staring because they started making kissing noises and i heard stuff like „uhh guys hitting it off hard" of „Arón get her".

We all started laughing and Itzan grabbed my leg and said:"Yo Arón, she's my babe tho, u can have her but first u gotta pass me."

I hit him in the shoulder. Not for the „she's mine", for the „u can have her".

I've always seen Arón as an amazing guy. He's beautiful as hell, has the nicest personality ever, is caring and loving yet he hasnt had a good girlfriend at all.

Thats why he's mostly really awkward around me, he just doesnt know how to behave around a girl. Especially a girl that keeps staring at him, preserving his beauty.

„Alright let's watch a movie."

Miguel spoke and we set up the movie and Alvaro brought in the food spreading it within us.

*

About an hour into the first movie my head kept falling down and my eyes got really heavy. I felt bad because they were watching the movie because of me but i got so tired that I just got up and said:"I'm gonna go sleep. Nighty guys."

-„Ey! No kiss for papá?" Omar asked confused grabbing my arm.

„No way. You'll get a hug but thats it."

He seemed pissed but nodded. So I gave him a hug, said good night to the rest of the boys and headed upstairs.

The moment I opened the bathroom door I heard a „Wait"

from behind me.

„Arón." i smiled.

„Whats up?"

He came up to me and asked rather shyly:"Might I get a goodnight hug too?"

I smiled even wider from all his cuteness.

I took a step closer to him and pulled him in a nice warm hug. He put his arms around my waist and held me really close for a while, giving me the opportunity to inhale his sweet scent of the chocolate he had eaten before.

„Buenas noches y/n." he then whispered and smiled at me.

„Goodnight Arón." i giggled and entered the bathroom real quick.

I have never giggled from anything a guy has said.

What is he doing to me?

Without thinking about it, I got ready for bed. When I changed into my pants I noticed something in my back pocket.

It was a little note saying:"You looked pretty today."

Was that from Arón? But it seems more like something Miguel would say. I was wearing those pants sleeping at the beach, so everyone could've put it in my pocket tho...

I then walked to my room, snuggled into bed and watched some videos before putting my phone aside and turning off the lights.

I still heard the guys downstairs but I just ignored it and tried to sleep. Unfortunately I couldn't because they were talking really loud, so I slowly headed back downstairs.

„Hey uh guys?"

They all turned around to look at me.

„Could you please keep it down a little bit?"

They nodded and Alvaro said:"Of course y/n. Everything for you."

This led to even more noise coming from the guys.

All except Arón.

Where was he?

„Night."

I went back to my room and kept staring into the dark, still thinking about the note. I dont know the guys' handwritings so it really could've been everyone.

And still i was wondering where Arón had been.

Something that second made me get up to walk to his room.

I knocked at the door lightly and got a „yeah" response.

I slowly opened the door and saw Arón sitting on his bed with a lot of polaroids in front of him.

„Hey?" he spoke, which sounded a little bit like a question. „I didnt know you collected polaroids."

Before he could answer I sat next to him on the bed, looking at the photos.

„Yeah uh my mom got me a polaroid camera for my birthday and i kind of like to capture moments on instant film."

This simple fact made me go crazy. I've always been a big fan of polaroid cameras, i had 4 to be honest:D

„Thats amazing."

I looked into his eyes and saw the sincere agreement in his brown puppy eyes.

„Can I take a picture of you?"

He then asked rather shyly and smiled at me.

I laughed a little embarrassed because i really hate it when people take pictures of me.

„O-okay." I answered and smiled back.

-„Smile for me." Arón took a camera and held it in front of me.

„No wait."

-„yeah?"

I laughed again and said:"Lets take one together."

He hesitated for a second but then agreed and I sat right next to him.

„Alright, ready?"

I looked at him smiling and nodded before looking back at the camera.

-„I,2,3."

And the flash went off. Seconds later the instax wide film came out of the camera and I took it with my left hand.

„Dont shake it." Arón said.

I gave him a serious look and spoke:"I know. I have a polaroid myself."

He grinned, then took the picture out of my hand and we kept staring at it as it was developing.

When it was clear i started smiling. I was smiling into the camera while Arón stuck his tongue out looking at me.

It was honestly super cute.

„Here." He gave it back to me.

„You keep it."

I smiled ever wider but then said:"No its your film. You bought it, that shit is expensive."

Arón grinned again and then simply added:"No you keep the picture and in return we take some more with my phone, then i got some too."

Laughing I agreed. He took his phone and we started taking some selfies.

At first we really took it serious to take some pretty pictures but at some point we didnt care anymore and were just goofying around.

„I love this one." i laughed and scrolled through his phone.

I was having a lot of fun and I guess Arón did too because I have never seen this guy so happy. Laughing all the time and he literally got out of his comfort zone I could see that.

Usually he was really serious but right now he was relaxed and seemed to be happy.

Which made me happy since I knew about his past and all.

„Send them to me!" I laughed and looked at him as he was looking at the pictures himself. He was honestly so beautiful, jesus christ.

„Do u think the guys are still downstairs?"

He asked without looking up.

„Should we check?"

-„Yeah."

Arón and I then walked through the hallway. The guys made some noise so they were obviously still downstairs.

„Hey guys." I said and jumped onto the couch sitting next to Omar.

„I thought u wanted to sleep dude." He hit Arón in the leg as he sat down as well.

„Yeah but i couldnt. I met Y/n on the hallway when I went to the bathroom and we decided to join u guys again."

Wait what?

He really denied hanging out with me. Was he embarrassed?

„Nice. We actually wanted to hit this beach bar in 30. Do you guys want to come with us?"

Miguel spoke.

Im actually not a big fan of partying but right now i was bored as hell and since i love dancing, why not?

„Im in." i said.

All the boys looked at me in confusion because I usually never go out with me. They know how much I hate clubs and alcohol.

„Wow okay. Arónsky?"

Arón shook his head.

„Oh come on dude. Even y/n is going."

-„Nah I'm not in the mood to partying."

I looked at Arón and decided to work my female charme to make him go with us. „Aróny, please come with us. For me."

The guys started groaning again but Arón started laughing.

„Alright. But no one is going to make me drink anything tonight."

So we got up to get ready for the beach party event we saw a sign of.

„Back in the living room in 30 okay party people?"

Omar ordered and we all went into our rooms.

*

*

After 10 minutes of staring at my closet I decided to wear a boho dress Ive bought recently. Since it was very hot out still I only needed the dress and some shoes.

I then applied some make up, not too much though, and put my hair into a half up bun.

Then I went downstairs where I met Itzan looking just fine as always. I gasped because he looked so good. The loose shirt made him look even broader.

„Damn girl u look hot."

He grinned and put some dished into the sink.

„I could say the same about you Itzan."

He laughed a little and then came up to me.

„I like it, a lot actually."

He scanned my body, making me slightly uncomfortable.

„Thanks." i whispered and looked to the ground.

„Nah come on, look at me."

He lifted my chin with his thumb. When my eyes met his soft brown ones he smiled and mumbled:"You'll dance with me tonight, im telling you."

I laughed a little, of course I would dance with this guy. He's a god on the dance floor and I could learn a lot from him.

„Oyy guys." I immediately stepped back and turned around.

„Oh y/n lookin good!" Omar cheered and came down to us.

„Thanks." I smiled and then sat onto the couch with my phone in my hands.

„Alright I'm done." I heard Arón's voice coming from the stairs.

Fuck he looked good. Itzan looked hot, yeah, but Arón's outfit gave me chills everywhere.

„Wow." i whispered and looked at him.

Apparently I said it louder than i thought because Omar started making kissing noises again and Arón looked down slightly embarrassed.

Fuck...

„Chicos y Chica, estamos aquí."

Alvaro and Miguel ran downstairs looking good as well.

„Alright lets hit the party."

Itzan grabbed my hand and pulled me with him, outside the house.

„Jeez Itz. Chill. Im coming."

He laughed with his funny dirty laugh and started running down the stairs to the beach with me on his arm.

„Guys hurry up!" he yelled back to the guys who were just laughing at his eager running.

*

When we all had arrived at the bar we already heard some good latin music playing and people dancing.

„See u later guys, y/n follow me."

-„Wait what?"

Before I understood what was going on, Itzan had pulled me with him to the bar.

„Have a drink and then we'll dance." I laughed and nodded. „Alright, but only one. I hate being drunk."

Itzan knew that I hated it so he understood and ordered me a Sex on the beach. (Classic him:D)

For himself he got a Bacardi-Cola and some shot I didnt even know.

„And go." We chugged our drinks really fast and once the glasses were empty, he pulled me (again) to the dance floor. He started moving his hips right away and I was feeling a little uncomfortable but after a while I got more and more fluent in my motions and at some point Itzan and I were grinding against each other (in a non-sexual way tho) and I was having a lot of fun.

Itzan was such an amazing dancer and guy but still i had feelings for Arón and i definitely wanted to dance with him after that. Itzan spun me around so his stomach was touching my back. I could feel his abs just right and his breath against my neck.

„Me gusta como tu mueves tus caderas baby." he whispered in my ear giving me chills.

I didnt understand what he said since I dont speak Spanish yet he turned me on somehow.

But no! I like Arón, not Itzan.

„Do you want to get out of here hun?"

I immediately turned around and looked at Itzan who was biting his lower lip.

„Itz I'm sorry... But i honestly like Arón a lot and uh I dont want to hurt you, you're amazing at dancing but dont hate me for saying that."

He smiled and answered against the loud music:"I knew you liked him. Even though you're beautiful as hell and I'd love to have u as well. But im fine, you go girl. Get your man." Once I turned around I saw Arón dancing with a girl.

And it was not just dancing, they were basically all over each other. He met my eyes, looked at me for a second and then didnt even hesitate and grabbed her face to kiss her.

My mouth fell open and I stared at them kissing for a while before something in my brain reacted without thinking.

I turned back to Itzan and pressed my lips onto his. He kissed back immediately and i put both of my hands on his half exposed chest.

Then I turned us over so I could watch Arón in the corner of my eye. He did the same. We were kissing other people but staring into each others souls like we're crazy.

But he started it. And i wouldnt be ready to make him win. I pulled away from Itzan, bit my lower lip and said:“Lets go."

He grinned, grabbed my hand again and we left the party. I turned around, meeting Arón's look once again. He looked confused.

Well i wasnt planning on sleeping with Itzan, i just wanted Arón to believe i would.

We walked away from the beach party until I spoke:"Can we please just go somewhere else? I need to get away for a little." He looked at you in confusion but then seemed to read your face and nodded. „Claro." You two then made your way back to the house where your plan was to turn on some music and have your own party.

The second you had entered your bedroom to get changed, you heard the front door open and a girls laugh downstairs. Immediately you walked out the room again and looked down to see Arón kissing that same girl from the party. No, no, no! You swallowed and thought about it for a while but then decided to destroy this. You knew he was playing. Quickly you made your way downstairs and coughed to make them both look at you. „Hey." you spoke with a fake pissed tone. „Baby who the fuck is she?"

Arón looked at you confused. „Baby?" the girl asked and looked between the two of you.

„Your girlfriend?"

You then walked towards her and spoke:"Yes, bitch get the hell outta here."

Before saying anything else she left the house, looking very pissed.

„What the fuck y/n?" Arón walked up to you and grabbed your arm. For a bit you just looked at him and then did something you couldnt believe alcohol had made you do. You grabbed him by the neck and kissed him. Just like this. He kissed back but seemed to hesitate a bit.

The kiss didnt last too long because he pulled away eventually.

„You bitch." he spoke and it shocked you. His face was straight and he stepped back. But he then started to grin and you calmed down again. He didnt actually mean it.

„You did this shit with Itzan to make me jealous hm?" He came closer to you, making you step backwards. „Hm?" he asked again

You swallowed. He was so fucking hot.

„Maybe."

He grinned and pushed you further backwards until your back hit the kitchen counter.

„Speechless much hm y/n?"

His cockiness turned you on.

You just shook your head. „No."

Before you knew, his whiskey lips were back on yours, making you close your eyes.

He basically owned you that moment. And it was all you wanted.

After pulling away he grabbed your hand and wanted to pull you out the house. „What are you-?"

He laughed and leaned down to whisper in your ear:"We're going back to the beach but this time you'll be grindin that ass on me alright?"