#I don’t wanna call specific people out but I love getting notes of the funniest fucking names ever liking random shit I posted

[itsmarsss]

I’m obsessed with some of y’all’s urls lmao

[ptergwen]

Could you write a fic where Tom is in an interview and talking about the reader as his current gf and also being his first love/childhood love?

woah i wrote kind of a lot like we got DETAILED here 😭 have fun

tom’s love life has been the topic of many conversations over the years. he’s gotten countless questions about who he’s dating and what he looks for in a partner. you’d think the hype would die down at some point, but no. even more rumors have begun to spiral as he promotes cherry.

thank the nosy interviewers for that. they’re taking all their chances to get up close and personal.

“so, let’s talk about love,” an interviewer prompts tom one afternoon. he sits up straighter in his chair, expression serious. “sure, let’s.” “what do you think about it?” she’s being vague so she’ll get the most clickable answers. “do you mean, like, in this film? or just in life?” tom wears a curious smirk now. he glances off to the side, where you’re sat watching.

you’ve been sitting in on his interviews as of late to keep him entertained. as much as the movie means to him, he gets bored of answering the same questions about it. having you there to snicker at his jokes or blow him kisses really livens things up. it’s been that way since you were little. you’re always cheering tom up even if he doesn’t realize he needs any.

“both,” the woman replies, mirroring his cheeky smile. “right, that’s what i thought.” tom clears his throat and raises an eyebrow. “so i’m not mistaken, love in my own life?” “anything you feel like sharing.” she beams into the camera while he nods to himself. you give tom a little smile of approval, which he catches from the corner of his eye. he chuckles at the gesture.

“easy enough. i’ll start with cherry, then,” he decides, getting back into the movie. the interviewer nods for him to go on. “you know, cherry’s always been kind of unlucky in the relationship department.” tom pauses for a moment to collect his thoughts. “until he meets emily, and things are still a bit complicated with her. i’d say it’s the same way for me.”

you jaw drops off camera, tom doing his best to stifle a laugh. he’s the biggest tease to walk this earth. “oh, that can’t be right,” tom’s interviewer insists with a mischievous grin. “you’re one of the most eligible bachelors out there.” “not exactly eligible, actually,” he mutters and twiddles his thumbs in his lap. a smile creeps onto his face.

she doesn’t miss that. “you do have a special someone after all?” tom squints at her through the screen. “after all? who’s been asking?” he jokes, the woman laughing like it’s the funniest thing she’s ever heard. “everyone has. the entire world.” you make wide eyes at tom. he’s never given many details about his dating life before, so this is a big step to take.

“well,” he starts, glancing over at you subtly. “yes, i’m a taken man.” “by who?” the interviewer blurts. she’s the first person to get anything out of him. “um,” tom breathes out an awkward laugh. you mouth it’s okay to him, ready to give the people what they’ve been craving.

you’ve had this conversation with tom a couple of times. he’s never wanted to put any pressure on you about going public, so it’s been your call if and when you do. now, you’ve made it.

“my, uh, my best friend. it’s not harrison, for those of you who know him.” tom bites back another smile. you sport one of your own, the tips of his ears turning red. “does this best friend have a name?” the woman questions. he looks to you again for your permission to say it. you think about it for a few seconds, then you give in.

“it’s y/n. you might recognize her,” tom explains, shifting in his chair. “she’s been on my instagram a few times, other stuff like that,” the interviewer makes a mental note to insert his posts of you in the video. “yes, yes. i think i do. you said she’s your best friend?” she clasps her hands. he’s fully blushing now, you giggling quietly at the sight.

“since secondary school, yeah. we met in one of our classes. english, i believe,” tom hums. “i was sitting alone, so she came and sat next to me.” he’s grinning at the fond memory. you feel your face starting to get hot. “how sweet. it seems like you became fast friends,” the woman suggests, throwing more questions out.

“what happened that turned your friendship to a relationship?”

it was when you were two wiser and more experienced adults that you and tom came to understand your connection. there was one moment specifically that turned you from friends to something more, though. tom will share that story with his interviewer, since it seems like she’s into the gossip.

“we didn’t seal the deal until a couple of years ago.” tom breathes out a laugh at what he’s about to say. you’re well aware of it, rolling your eyes playfully. “but, there was a moment when we were kids that i knew i really liked her.” “please, spill,” tom’s interviewer happily requests. he gladly obliges.

“y/n asked me to practice kissing with her because she liked some other bloke.” tom whispers to his camera, “which wasn’t true, by the way. we’ll get to that.” you silently groan and throw your head back on your chair. he shoots you a wink before continuing. “she wanted to go out with him, and said it was a best friend’s job to help her... prepare.”

you press a kiss to your middle finger and stick it up at tom. “precious,” he sarcastically mumbles in response. “what happened next?” the woman reels him back in. tom focuses on the screen again. “right. so, i did some research on how to kiss.” he shakes his head at his former self. “i really should’ve been studying for my A levels or something.”

“when i’m all ready, i invite y/n/n over so we can ‘practice’.” tom makes air quotes around the world, you murmuring, “i hate you,” only for him to hear. “i don’t know what website i used, but it was clearly awful.” he holds a hand up to pretend it’s your face. “i went in, and i just, like, stuck my tongue down her throat. like this.” he’s recreating the moment, you cringing at the vivid image you get.

“oh, no. what did she do?” the interviewer gives tom a pained look. “she nearly vomited, is what she did. ran home right after.” tom puffs air out of his cheeks. you press your lips together in satisfaction. “anyway, we’re reminiscing on it a few years later, and y/n/n tells me something very interesting.” leaning forward, the woman gestures for him to say it.

“i was the bloke she was gonna ask out, but my terrible kissing skills, or lack thereof, scared her off.” he exchanges a knowing look with you. his interviewer gasps. “i was like... are you fucking kidding me?” he only mouths the fucking part even though it’s getting bleeped. that makes you snort. “there’s a turning point, there’s a turning point,” tom reassures everyone.

“i told her i’ve gotten better since then, and we should try again if she wanted.” the interviewer puts a hand on her heart. “did you?” tom lets out a content sigh. “we did, and then we had a long talk about feelings and all that shit.” you make a heart with your fingers for him. he puckers his lips to mime kissing you, without tongue. “we’ve been together ever since.”

“what a lovely story. thank you for sharing that with me,” the woman butters him up more. she gets another idea. “now that you two are official, do we get to meet her?” “you kind of have,” tom retorts, but still checks with you. not expecting anything to come of this, you only shrug.

“i’ve noticed you looking off camera quite a lot. is y/n there?” his interviewer points out, much to both of your surprise. you’ve been at this for weeks, and she’s the only one to say something. “uh, she is,” tom finds himself admitting. he’s a terrible liar, so he almost had to. “tell her to come say hi!” the woman pushes. you look horrified when tom peeks over.

“no, no. i don’t wanna put her on the spot,” he brushes it off. “she’s a bit... camera shy.” “come on, just for a second!” she persists, waving you over like she can see you. this lady is starting to get on your nerves. “you just told me about that steamy kiss of yours. what’s the difference?” tom quirks an eyebrow. “i don’t know if-“

he stops mid sentence when you appear next to him. it’s to shut the interviewer up. although, you might as well reveal yourself before paparazzi do it.

“never mind,” tom grins a toothy grin up at you. “you wanna have a seat, darling?” “happy to,” you hum as he pats his knee. you take your spot on his thigh, an arm slinging around his neck. he wraps his around your middle. the interviewer is so stunned, she’s finally out of things to say. this could quite literally break the internet.

your voice a low whisper, you speak into his ear. “i can’t believe i’m doing this. you should’ve stopped me.” tom squeezes you closer and tilts his head to the side. “what if i didn’t want to?” “my god.” you plant a quick kiss on his cheek, leaving tom’s mouth hanging open.

“there’s your thumbnail.”

[honklore]

would you please consider doing maybe a soulmate au where anything you write appears on your soulmate with karl? i just love the idea of maybe doing little doodles all over your skin and it appearing on his and he likes talking about it on stream which is maybe what brought you two together? one of your friends who watches mcyt saw a clip of him talking about a specific flower they remember you drawing and this lead you to maybe writing out a small message for karl during a stream that made him super giddy? sorry if this was very confusing and i totally get it if you don’t wanna write it, thank you for your time! :)

sincerely yours | karl jacobs

(gn reader, soulmate au, chat is supportive, karl’s lil doodles like he shows on his priv but he draws them on his skin instead)

listen to: make you feel my love (cover) by jj heller

karl jacobs my beloved !!!!!

the sweetest romantic when it comes to the soulmate bond

counted down the days until his eighteenth bday when he could finally communicate with you

okay i’m going to switch your request to where karl is the one constantly doodling if that’s okay !!!!

with all my heart i believe karl would doodle every single day!!! never misses a day to the point where jimmy is like. bringing cleansing wipes to mr beast filming like,,,, dude i’m sorry but you can’t have squiggly marks up your neck while we’re filming we are ~professionals~

a total romantic,,,, like. downloads reddit and reads thru r/soulmatestories before he goes to bed,,, scrolls soulmatesuggestions blogs on tumblr

he’s just so in want of that close bond that he does everything he can to get into contact with you

tries to join late bloomer groups before they tell him that 22 years old isn’t late and he’s still extremely young

he’s just v impatient okay !!!!!

once he begins streaming regularly instead of a tattoo check chat asks to see whatever doodle he drew or received that day !!!!

worries a lot bc he hears a lot of rejection stories and he’s scared of being rejected

so sometimes when he’s rlly anxious or insecure he’ll scrub all of the writing off in the shower and wear long sleeves to avoid looking for your scrawl

YOU ARE ONE BUSY BEE

between school/job/life/family/friends and whatever else you do or don’t have going on, you often forget to draw notes for your soulmate

you’ve gathered a LOT of things about him tho

he writes his name w a lil smiley almost every week

(hey it’s me karl :))

writes u a Goodnight Drawing before bed

except for him goodnight is just right before whenever he goes to sleep and for you it’s like. 10pm.

so you’ll wake up to pee at 5am and find a drawing of a worm on your leg (goodnight!!)

writes lil notes about his tales ideas except you have no idea what they mean rip

(inbetween segment longer? talk to ranboo)

doodles his favorite cartoon characters (ayo!!!)

has colored markers for when he’s feeling especially creative

let’s say you have a retail job

and you can’t have drawings anywhere noticeable per company policy

so you spend most mornings scrubbing off any evidence of karl

which like,,,, makes karl extremely sad but he’s a streamer AND his friends are streamers so he forgets some people have like. jobs that require dress codes

even when jimmy makes him scrub off his drawings, it’s only if they’re extra distracting

one day you finally get tired of waking up thirty minutes early every morning (can u pls draw somewhere that’s not noticeable in a uniform? thanks.)

karl draws a lil kermit the frog on his tummy and it shows up on yours. the marks are all jagged bc he kept laughing whenever the pen tickled him

but it’s so endearing that he followed ur instructions

he keeps the drawings to stomach, thighs, and sometimes his feet which he thinks is literally the funniest thing ever to your dismay (nice to feet you !!!! haha !!!!)

you don’t have time to watch streams unfortunately, but your best friend does :))

your bsf is on quacktwt so she knows who karl is

in one of quackity’s jackbox streams they make fun of karl’s drawing skills

and your friend is like ಠ_ಠ that is the same worm that is always on my bestie’s shoulder

and you’ve never told anyone that you know your soulmate’s name

so your friend only has a stupid (endearing) worm drawing for reference

she screenshots it and sends it to you like, lol quackity’s friend karl draws worms that look just like ur soulmate’s drawings

and ur like,,,,,, karl? his name is karl?

and bless ur heart that’s how u find out ur soulmate is a minecraft twitch streamer (derogatory)

you do your best to watch his streams and try to figure him out ,,,, like who he is as a person

and he’s just the biggest sweetie pie :((

you drew a rose for him during your lunch break one day and that night he showed his chat and got so excited

“chat i think they’re romancing me 0.0”

you get so thrilled that you draw him another doodle, this one of a lil heart

and he literally squeals and shoves his wrist against the lens so quickly that it blurs and makes you audibly laugh

you continue to draw him stuff throughout the next few streams

until finally he’s doing a chill alt stream, watching some yt vids

you know when karl is wrapped up in his fuzzy blanket and yawning while he tries to focus on the video :(((((((( yeah ://///

and you get so overwhelmed with fondness that you uncap your marker

(i like you karl)

and he doesn’t see it until he takes his arm out of the blanket to grab his can of monster

chat sees it first so they’re spamming

and when he reads it he gets SO red and he literally has to call the stream bc he’s too flustered to think of anything else

like he’s finally getting somewhere with you and he’s so so excited

when the stream ends he writes on his arm this entire anxious essay basically asking if you guys can find somewhere to meet or if he can at least have your number

and you can fill in the rest, but ofc the two of you become quite literally the dynamic duo.

absolutely adorable

your bestie makes you promise you’ll help her meet quackity since she basically made the discovery but that’s another story for another time

thank you for requesting !!!

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

omg so I read this manga this morning called Sesame Salt and Pudding and it’s ab this 22 y/o girl who gets drunk and accidentally marries a stranger, who happens to be 42. it’s the cutest lil slice of life just a really healthy relationship and all i could think was this would be the funniest meet cute for Erwin.

Thanks for linking me the manga website anon omfg you're a real one💙🐛

Alright so below is my 1am thoughts while reading it as i listen to a daddy/mommy issues playlist i found online and drinking green apples monster energy.

Tw: mentions of sex | Tw: suggestive words

Chapter one

The girl is really pretty, I'm really gay.

Wait so she married him while drunk and now can't remember anything?

This lowkey does look like Erwin without gel in his hair

...why can i see Erwin as the type of drunk to not only sign a wedding registration paper but also demand both of you must go get wedding ware, paying for your dress or suit.

Consent 👏yes👏100%👏the bare minimum👏Erwin values consent above literally anything else👏Erwin wouldn't touch you without permission even while drunk out of his mind👏again it's the bare minimum👏

An older dude that cooks & cleans while staying home as i go out and provide for us? This is my dream. Stay at home husband Reiner stay at home husband Reiner stay at ho

Ngl i think Erwin wouldn't know anything past basic cooking despite him reading all these cooking books and watching videos, i think if he really was dedicated he'd sign up for a cooking class go get high level skills just to impress you but treat it like it's nothing

...he didn't wanna stare at her chest so he went to clean the fridge- Erwin would def be that kind of gentleman to change his own attitude instead of ever telling you to change or cover up.

I love her job oh my god yes.

Ooo a love rival huh👀 is this gonna turn into a triangle situation

The only love rival I'd ever see for Erwin is Nile tbh, like i think if it was Miche, Hange or Levi then he'll talk it out and either him or the person backs off.

He gets gloomy when jealous huh~

THIS IS FUNNIER THAN IT HAS ANY RIGHT TO BE DOAKDJKAKSN I CAN'T.

I can't even imagine Erwin's reaction if you said this to him, like he won't even be mad he would just be really taken back, standing there like 🧍🏼‍♂️...he'd even be amused.

Okay- okay this is a good reaction...I think Erwin would say something similar but rephrase it to he more subtle yet somehow making it sound dirtier.

Something along the lines of, "well, if you're so sure then why don't you find out yourself."

And "after all i can't deny that i haven't thought about how beautiful looked last night...how the more beautiful you would've looked laying down."

"You looked like a really delicious treat"

"All pretty and alone, tearing about your worries, i just wanted to make you forget them all and leave the rest to me"

I should stop-

Chapter two

HE SAID HE IS HER UNCLE I CAN'T BREATHE I LOVE THIS

Oh shit he overhead them oh shit

Shit is going down oh god

Man if it was Nile in this hypothetical insert then he'd be hold this information like the petty bitch he is and use it at the date instead.

Chapter three

Ngl dude, i really hate it when they treat it like a women's reputation is all she has. I especially hate the purity culture of that a young women can't be a roommate with a man because "what will people say" like...if they're fucking who cares and if they aren't literally who cares? Do they realise gay people exist too and two women have an equal chance of sleeping together too?

It feels like they treat women as children, maybe I'm just projecting bc i live in a similar kind of culture where all these rules apply here if not more.

Anyway that manga is cute, it just angred me that these two men think they're responsible for solving her problem or as if they have any right to scold her or be angry like she's some kind of child and should listen.

It's her life, it's her problem and it's her who will solve it.

DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP. he's really acting like a bitch as if he has any right to be angry or even judge her oh my god.

"Impure background..." Get fucked.

The only ONLY reason he even can be angry is because she didn't mention being married while they were going for a date but they didn't even go on that date and nothing was official so why does she have to tell him her private life.

RED FLAG RED FLAG RED FLAG HUGE RED FLAG

"get divorced immediately" HUGE FUCKING RED FLAG

Controlling Insecure cunt.

I'm sorry anon that I'm really going off on him and I'm sorry if you like him- it's just that i really really can't stand these things

THE MANGA IS LOVELY THO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR RECOMMENDING IT I'D LOVE MORE WHENEVER💜

Oh baby, oh angel I'm so sorry you had to go through that, in no way is it ever right to get angry and yell no matter what especially since you apologised and admitted to your mistake.

Especially since he knew it was something you did while drunk and deeply regret it but he still took out his angry on you like you betrayed his trust when you weren't even together or like you intentionally did it.

Narcissistic dick.

I'm not talking about the next scenes because it might be triggering.

Chapter five

4 is missing :( idk how her parents visit went

We just started the chapter and-

Fuck her. Like what's up with toxic abusive people being too comfortable saying these things lmao like they actually take themselves seriously omfg.

Imagine saying this about Erwin tho, like it feels powerful to say. John maloney was right after all huh

Oh

Oh

So we doing this huh

👀

....oh :( we were just getting to the god part, man Erwin wouldn't have let a phone stop him.

Also bless the translator for their note at the end, it's good we're seperating fiction from reality and clarifying things to people on how to act in these scenarios.

Like drama is fun and all, I'm a huge sucker being extra, but things are different in real life and using fiction as a guide to how to deal with these, clearly written to be extra, situations should never ever be anyone's first choice.

Well that's all the 10 images tumblr will allow me in one post, i hope you had fun anon because i sure did! And i can definitely see this as a sweet wholesome Erwin/reader story, and if i ever did a an inspired rewriting of that manga with Erwin i can definitely see it being really fun to write!

Although i will change some stuff like that guy, i know people have good and bad sides but the guy specifically made me uncomfortable for personal reasons, i also Don't like mentioning serious things like anger controlling issues without diving deep into them.

Imma go finish the manga, if you want a part two, or have a different thing to recommend, please let me know💙

[n-blanca-archived]

HI BLANCA i am here to request a matchup and Either anime works!

Some basic likes i can think of rn: Music, singing, drawing and playing stardew valley-

I get really shy around new people and get extremely quiet, with people i know and friends i’m more chaotic and loud! And i’m blanking on what else to put here, I swear a lot and get competitive easily

Some dislikes i have are just very loud noises, and huge crowds!

Thanks for this in advance and i’m sorry that it’s not much! ily !!

HI HI APRIL thanks for sending in a matchup love! <3

ohnograpes’ spring break event! ☀️

you’ve been matched with...

Hajime Iwaizumi!

I’m not gonna sit here and lie like there was ever any other option THAN Hajime. Literally as soon as i finished reading your ask I couldn’t stop thinking about iwa, and then after consulting my sister we realized we BOTH were thinking of Iwa for your matchup (not without her calling you an Oikawa kinnie PJALKJSJD but that’s beside the point) 

I think the thing that really got me hooked on matching you with Hajime was you mentioning that you were super competitive! While I don’t think that Iwa’s necessarily the most competitive guy out there, he’d totally be down for some (debatably) light hearted competition. He always goes for arm wrestling when you two compete but you’ve started refusing to challenge him after realizing he’s literally a god at arm-wrestles.  He’s also totally the type to find you singing and hype you up in a super chill way, just telling you “that was really good, keep going” and pulling up a chair to watch you. Little things like that to show you he’d support you no matter how seemingly small the activity your doing is, you know?

date idea!

stargazing. It’s a whole days worth (maybe even two!) of an activity, but it’s totally worth it. Packing up the car with blankets, snacks from the corner store and lunches, a whole pack of water-bottles, bug spray and binoculars. The drive up to your favorite spot - a clearing half way up a hiking trail far away from the city- is fun in its own right, filled with light conversation and songs you can both belt out comfortably without any real regard for hitting the notes. Hajime won’t admit it, but half of the fun in stargazing is the view. More specifically, he enjoys being able to look up and see the bright twinkling stars, scattered across the sky, and then looking to the side, to see you, all soft smiles and bright eyes. The first time he sees you like that, bathed in the moon’s pale blue light, is when he realizes that he loves you. 

couple aesthetic!

i,,,iwa,,,brainrot. this board is a bit more car+drink focused than i intended it to be but i think its cute damn it. i didn’t want to make it too dark because Hajime’s vibes aren’t pitch black tones, you know? I get softer browns, blues and tans from him. The occasional grey tones, too. 

dialogue interaction!

Hajime: “I’ll let you pick the movie if you beat me at an arm-wrestle.” 

April: “But you always win arm wrestles!” 

Hajime: “You must really not wanna watch that movie, then.” 

(credit to my sister for this one because this is literally the funniest thing to me ;ldsjflskjf) 

song(s) you two remind me of!

these were really fun to pick! also...why does EVERY iwa playlist on Spotify have “Daddy Issues” by the Neighborhood pls im-

Adore You by Harry Styles 

8TEEN by Khalid

Can I Call You Tonight? by Dayglow

[nico-idc]

random vent because i'm numb rn and feel like it

This is a vent post, ill probably talk about su!cide, self h*rm, eating disorders and depression. I’ll also cuss a lot, and things will not be censored. Also, this may seem insensitive to people experiencing any of this, sorry about that.  Dont read this if youre triggered by that.

Also, this is my experience with mental health. Everyone deals with it differently. 

So, If anyone doesnt know, I have depression and anxiety. And right now, I’m feeling numb as it’s often described by people with depression. But, numb isn’t a very good description. I can still feel. I’ll still smile if you tell me a joke, or if something funny is on a video. I’ll still cry if there’s something super sad. Emotion is just watered down. I feel it, but not as much as I should. Me and my boyfriend were talking, and i couldnt tell him I loved him. It’s not becuase I dont love him, but I just cant feel much of anything, so I dont want to tell him I loved him. Becuase If i did that, I felt as though I was lying. The funniest thing is, I randomly started crying. Still felt nothing, but hey, I had tears streaming down my face. Who fucking knows why. 

I havent been doing to great for a while now, but this is the worst i’ve ever gotten. Ive never felt numb before. I mean, I’ve felt myself starting to go through the motions, but i’ve never gone completely numb before. And before this i’ve had a few mental breakdowns. Hell, I’ve sat in a corner twice in the past month or so doing nothing but sobbing and begging myself not to move so I dont grab something sharp and cut myself. (I did not relapse, don’t worry). and recently I completely broke down over simply eating a cereal bar, got through it, ate it. I’m good now. 

Figures. That does seem to be my experience. Oh no, big bad issue one time, then magically I just talk myself out of my bullshit, and im fixed. Ha ha, yet I act like I have all these issues. I mean, I didnt even attempt to starve myself, just thought “oh, friends and family wont let me” and didnt. Had a breakdown about a year later, been fine since. Cut for a few months, went to therapy for a few months, stopped cutting. had a few breakdowns about a year or two later, then was fine. was suicidal for a while, went to therapy for a bit, was happy for months. Had breakdowns every now and then, fine now.

ha ha, first time I say alot of this is online. Figures. I’ve done that a lot too. My boyfriend has found out a bit about my depression through this site. Becuase I cant talk to my boyfriend about my shit, but hey random people on the internet! hear about my problems.

So on another note, I recently found a song that describes part of depression pretty well. It’s called “i’m not dead” by boyinaband. it’s linked below, I’ll copy paste the lyrics, and explain how I relate, and what the lyrics mean to me, becuase why not? (lyrics will be in bold)

I'm not dead

I'm not fixed, but I'm not giving up yet

Basically, this means that im still here, im still depressed, but I’m still trying to fight depression. 

I'm sick of saying that I still don't have anything done

I hate telling friends I'm trying something just to give it up

I never commit to anything, I just say I’ll do something, then decide I dont want to.

I'm still unsure of my emotional state

I'm still incapable of focusing lately

I don't feel like creating

I'm tired of asking Google how to find motivation

I’ve been on break from writing for months now. tried to get back to it, lost concentration. I think this is self explanatory. 

I don't think I've ever made

Something that's as good as I'm capable of

Ha, I dont put in enough effort and commitment to make something as good as possible.

I hate not having a reason to look my best

I only ever take care of myself with the intent to show the internet

I mean, I dont try to show the internet, but I only take care of myself when other people will see me.

If what made me successful was an imposed sense of stress then

I am so so glad that I hated myself

The only thing that makes me do things is extreme stress.

I didn't luck into this position

I struggle with decisions

I mean, im not in any high position, but I do struggle with decisions. 

I wouldn't be my own friend

I'm too inconsistent

I’m inconsistent as hell. I’m in like 10 group chats, don't talk in any of them for months, then just show up like “hi, havent talked to you all in ages, but hi”. 

Without immense pressure nothing ever gets finished

If these words make it to your ears it'll be a fucking miracle.

Yep. I went on  whole rant about this on wattpad. Without pressure to do something, I don’t do it.

I'm fortunate to know more good people than most do

I wish I had more friends I could be physically close to

I dont personally have a lot of friends that dont live in my city, so the last line isnt an issue, but I do know a lot of good people”

I'm pretty good at like 20 different skill sets

At the expense of never being great at any one of them

I’m good at quite a few things. Drawing, math, even writing. But im not great at it. I’m average.

I wish this beat hit harder

I wish more syllables rhymed

I know 99 percent of people really don't mind

I dont personally relate to this, seeing as I dont make music.

I think collaborating forced me to finish things

'Cause I was terrified of wasting famous people's time

Oh yeah. Group projects would not get done if i wasnt scared of wasting my partner’s time.

I wish I could focus on what I define priority

I wish I was as grateful as I want to be

Dont really relate to these things

I wish I knew more people who were mentally stable

But if I did,

I wouldn't let them waste their time on me while I'm disabled

Oh yeah. Id love to have a friend who isnt depressed, but I wouldnt let them see that im fucked up becuase i dont wanna drag them down.

I feel alone

I know I'm not

I have a lot of friends, but I still fell alone in this world

I used to talk to lots of people.

Lately I've stopped

They didn't deserve it,

I've been a terrible friend.

But I couldn't bear to let myself become boring to them

I ignore group chats all the time. no reason. Probably shouldnt. 

I don't let myself get my hopes up.

I love people who do.

Something good happens? what could go wrong? that is my thought precess.

I never know if what I say I feel is the truth

I have no damn Idea what I think, so its so hard to know what the truth in my head is.

I wish I didn't instinctively try to be less specific

So more people could relate, when they read along with the lyrics.

Not lyrics, but if i write/explain something, I immediately generalize things so its relateable.

I can be happy in the moment

I am not when I reflect

I smile watching youtube, but then I look back and think about how I wasted time.

I distract myself with gaming, waiting to get better

I hate it

Youtube will cure depression right? /s

I wanna do the most good, and prevent the most hurt

But I've gotta put on my own oxygen mask first

This is just an important phrase I try to remember when I’m down. for people who dont do well with metaphors, he’s saying that if you want to help people, you need to help yourself first. 

I can't predict what I'll do.

I can never be sure

I am terrified of making promises any more

I can't face my work,

I feel sick from the word

I genuinely believe I'm capable of changing the world

Don’t relate much here, except for the more positive, upbeat tone the song takes on, and i feel that this part, the part above and everything below is dave fighting his depression.

I still think I can get better

I’m holding onto hope.

I still think I can create and get pleasure from it

I hope so, I want my art and writing to improve.

I'll keep aiming to make my emotion and my logic agree

The eternal stuggle. I always try to get the two to line up, it rarely works. I try to use logic more often though.

And become the best version of me

Always trying to improve myself.

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

I don't want to stop!

There’s alot this could mean. I dont want to stop creating. I dont want to stop fighting. I dont want to stop getting better. I dont want to stop living. I relate to all these things.

I’ll expand on this more later, it’s too late now for me to continue this

[phoebehalliwell]

I cannot wait to read the stories you write for Sheridan and Warren & Dency! I can feel the love you put into them. They feel for realistic and I wish they were canon!! 😭 how do you think Dency would be if she ever got to meet the bros? (As they’re like the best non-canon characters ever?) Also, Dency has only one friend in magic school? Poor Dency :( For some reason, when I read your little Dency holiday headcanons I could totally see he being a teacher at magic school?? ✨✨

i think a dency/warren/sheridan team up would easily be one of The most chaotic things to ever rock the magical community both are the first borns of their respective generations so both are pretty power loaded But one of them is really knowledgeable in the magical and how it all works and all that and the others were raised by a guy who has frosted tips. i my writings warren and sheridan were not like raised with really any magic they were given a spell to unbind their powers but everything else was just a sorta figure it out of your own thing i think with their active power it was really just like a figuring out what works at what doesn’t like that was p self explanatory and when it comes to like everything else. they just fuckin. try things. see what sticks. as i think i’ve mentioned before sheridan’s in a band that’s his thing and the lead singer / his friend is like a witch practitioner who does not know magic is actually real in fact okay so the majority of people in the band are witches that’s their shtick sheridan pretends not to be bc well they’re all practitioners he doesn’t want to do anything they do but then have you know actual magic happen so he’s like yeah hahaha i don’t believe in magic / i don’t wanna practice magic but basically every single spell they know they’ve learned from sheridan’s friend or alternately warren looking it up on youtube or like indie witch blogs and they work that’s undeniable but they are kinda hack jobs and like they’ll make their own potions and stuff using the knowledge they have but like. like they’ll microwave potions. they have no access to magical ingredients. they’re definitely not operating at full potential. that being said i do think a large part of magic is the intent behind it so like they’re no good at spells or writing them nor do they have the power of three but they’re still p powerful witches and everything they do they do with their chest so like it works. dency on the other hand is a magic whiz so i think in that team up like when it’s time to make a potion they’d be making it either at dency’s apartment or in magic school and i think the twins would like socks: knocked off like they had no idea how powerful magic could be and just how powerful they are like in general. i also think they’d both be pretty hyped to be related to the antichrist bc like that’s kinda cool as hell (they also definitely have no the source is/was who cole was they’re not even aware of the charmed ones so dency does her best to explain in layman’s terms the antichrist part was about the only piece of information they retained). i also think like dency grew up with the charmed ones she also grew up hearing stories of her namesake and also being raised by a cupid like she really feels and understands all the love in between the halliwells so i think she’d really be like the one to introduce w&s to you know their magical side like bust out a photo album of prue and tell them the stories she knows of her both warren and sheridan have premonition i think like very limited occasional retrocognition but i think like when you know learning about their mom and seeing all their personal items of her they would get a flashback maybe even like a prue highlight reel and uhh they don’t cry often they’re too glib for that but um yowch :’) i also think dency would help them start their own book of shadows i think dency has one of her own that she made with her roommate it’s leather bound but probably has like witchcraft for sexy bitches!!!! embossed on the cover bc it’s not meant to be an heirloom it’s just something for the two of them that dency will later add to the halliwell book of shadows. (a note on dency’s roommate bc idk if i’ve mentioned her before her name is dove she’s an only child and she comes from like a really rich family who lives in marin county right across the bridge she’s probably from like ross or something and she has no active powers. she can scry she can make potions she can cast spells she was the standard mediumship but she has absolutely no active powers. her parents also have no magic and presumably neither does her grandparents in fact there seems to be zero magic in her bloodline at all and yet here she is, a witch. and everyone sorta thought she was a late bloomer at first and dove like really really wanted to have an active power like she tried So Hard and yet nothing. so i think her andy dency both sorta bonded from being the outcasts in magic school and that’s why they became homies i think they both received the nicknames of dud and devil initially to bully them but they ended up just calling each other that people also stopped calling them mean names after someone called dency devil in the third grade and dove bit them and the whole thing develoved into a lord of the flies magical battle to the death between eight year olds. both dove and dency got suspended for a month, in that month the charmed ones still trained dency from home and dency begged them to bring over dove and train her too bc she only got suspended bc she was defending dency so that really solidified their relationship. the book that they share is really more of dove’s creation tho bc dency is very dyslexic and cannot spell and dove’s a bit of a control freak. the book also does not look like the halliwell BoS bc dove really tries to make the text as legible as possible so dency can read it when she’s not around. their book definitely looks like a bujo.) but that’s not the point the point is dency like helps warren & sheridan build their own book of shadows they were vaguely aware of the concept as the lead singer friend has a bos that she made in like a moleskine notebook however these guys tend to just keep all the information they need in their notes app. but yeah i think these guys would also just really love having someone to Talk To about magic especially someone who they can just like Ask Questions without having to dodge any language or make things seem less specific i do think they also know dency’s probably more powerful that them maybe not by raw power but she’s definitely a more skilled witch than them And Yet In Spite Of That they’re still two years older that her and do sorta shift into big brother mode (a setting they didn’t even know they had!) whenever it seems like dency’s gonna do something really dangerous like these guys were born in 2000 and dency’s in 2002 and it’s really barely a split but like still!! watch out!!!! which dency finds hilarious and tbh they find pretty funny too bc they’re not like great role models (well, sheridan isn’t, warren is studying to be a teacher for like elementary school (or he’s studying hotel management bc i think that’s be funny) so warren does seem more professional/responsible he has less tattoos than is brother but that’s definitely a con bc he is just a stupid and reckless as his twin) but yeah they like really try to fill their Responsible Shoes and be Big Brothers to dency. and then i guess since i’ve brought up teaching here i will answer your final part about dency and teaching i think the halliwells really run magic school i have said in a post many moons back lemme see if i can find it yeah no i can’t okay so i think in ye olden days the elders decided that they need to make magical schools to bring in young witches and train them in powers of good so like every elder at the time picked a location like a source of power and made their own school and the majority of them are named after their founders however i think the elder who made magic school was the captain holt of the elders which is why magic school is entirely beige and called “magic school”. i think he didn’t believe in naming the schools after the elders bc the point is not to glorify the elders to point is to uphold and train good magic. anyways that mentality faded i do think gideon ran magic school for a good chunk of time but did not exceed the amount of time the founder ran it so it was never like His magic school but i think once the charmed ones came along they really started making changes and making it practical something gideon did not do bc he’s an idiot (i’ll tell you what i will link the funniest ask i’ve ever received) and i think you know paige starts recruiting witches especially those without connection to magic to come and learn at magic school and since the charmed ones frequent it so much i do think a lot of witches who might have gone somewhere else or to a more local magic school do try to get into magic school and i think in the magical community is does end up getting dubbed like halliwell academy or even charm school where like almost no one calls in magic school anymore and if they were to get school hoodies it would say like halliwell academy on it. i think piper finds it all embarrassing i think grams does not shut up about it. so yeah i think magic school really is a part of the warren line at this point i think i could definitely see gen2 take up the mantle out of everyone i think most likely to be a professor would be henry jr. i think wyatt would guest lecture i think peyton also has a high potential in regards to dency specifically i’ll tell you what i’d love to see is okay. demons warlocks darklighters they don’t play by the same rules as light magic like “forbidden love” all that fuck that everything’s forbidden what’s an outside relationship to them and we’ve seen in the show like with the manticore baby and even in s1 i’m like 90% sure that darklighter goal was just to knock up daisy the point i’m getting at is a i think there are a lot of kids born of dark magic who just have no clue who or what they are especially if they are raised away from their magical parent and people like paige can’t find them bc they don’t get whitelighters bc they’re not witches but i think having dency find them and like bring you know the children of dark magic to learn i think that’d be a really cool thing i think it’d be a major controversy bc a lot of families would be extremely hesitant like opening up their vast wealth of knowledge to y’know evil beings and yeah i think it’s be fuckin weird if you were born half-demon and find a vanquishing potion for yourself in your textbook like ouch! but i think it’d be really interesting to do. that being said i think i’d slate that for later in life for dency where i have her at now she’s an investigative journalist (also elise is her godmother fun fact) and i think i’d really want to give her a lot of growth and knowledge before she does that But i think it’s be really cool to do

[purplesurveys]

874

What's something you couldn't live without, other than the obvious? It’d be very hard to have to get by without my glasses. I’d technically survive, but I’ll have to get used to bumping into things a lot and never recognizing anyone unless they’re right beside/in front of me. What's something that will always cheer you up? Dogs. Real life dogs, photos of dogs, videos of dogs, stories about dogs, etc. Who's had the biggest positive impact on your life? My orgmates. They made me happy when I needed it the most, called me out when I needed the help, and idk I’m just happy whenever I get to see them. I can’t recall a time where I felt like it was a chore to spend some time with them. Do you wear flip-flops during the winter? Sigh...moving on... What was the last thing you said out loud? I asked Nina to help me bring Cooper and his stuff up to my parents’ room; specifically, I asked her to bring his food and water bowls.

What's something that irritates you to no end? Backhand compliments. An uncle once congratulated me for getting into my dream school but ended his sentence with “are you sure you don’t wanna go to [2nd top university in the country, (which I also passed the day before)]? You’ll fit better there.” This was like two days after I found out I got into UP, so I was still on cloud nine. I don’t know how my face contorted after that but I wasn’t pleased.

Honestly, do looks matter to you? Yes, but not as much as personality and intelligence. When was the last time you had a girls/guys night out? Not sure. I just have nights out in general; I never plan out gender-exclusive hangouts with my friends. Do you still watch kiddie movies/tv shows? Sometimes, when I get in the mood to. It’s not something I feel the need to do regularly. What's your worst habit? Never learning my lesson and being careless just because everything is going well. Best way I can illustrate this is when a couple of a months ago I started getting regular headaches because I’d sleep at 3, 4 AM – I addressed it by giving myself an earlier bedtime. When the headaches went away and I started feeling better, I went right back to sleeping late lol. Procrastinating is a good example too; I’ve submitted work early occasionally and it’s satisfying as fuck, but I never learn for the most part and stick to doing stuff at the last minute. Do your parents call you by any embarrassing nicknames? No. Byn is a nickname, but I don’t find it embarrassing. Do you have road rage? Yeah but there have to be certain conditions for me to get to that point, like once I’ve seen enough stupidity on the road and I can’t take it anymore; when I’m tense about something; or when traffic has been standstill for too long. Is there a certain word that you always forget how to spell? Not really. I know my spelling pretty well. Are there any books in your room? Which ones? Yesssss but it’s mostly because I owned a lot of books as a kid and I’ve thrown none of them out. My book collection is sorely not updated because I stopped reading as I got older. Do you take too many surveys? I wouldn’t say I take too many, especially considering the fact that I used to take like 7-10 surveys everyday back in high school. I do take them regularly. Write some lyrics from the song you're currently listening to: "You know I’m always coming back to this place, you know I’m always gonna look for your face.”

When it comes to dating, what's your preferred age range? 0-1 year. When was the last time someone gave you a weird look? Continued the next morning, lol. I was dancing in my seat over dinner last night because the fried chicken we had was super good, so my mom looked at me strangely. Do you like to cuddle? Only with a significant other, and an animal if they’re willing to cuddle. Do you like the band Cartel? I don’t think I’ve heard of that band yet. Do you play any instruments? No, but I’m always wishing I could. Do you ever blare the music in the car and dance like an idiot? I used to do that when I drove to and from school. It’s the only time in the day where I’m not working and I’m alone, so I allow myself to let loose. Though I gotta say, most of it is recorded because I always have a dashcam on HAHAHAHA so I definitely have some footage I don’t want getting aired in like my funeral or something. Do you like playing in the rain? When I was a kid.

What's something you miss? Going to the mall is a big one. Anything unpleasant coming up soon? The worst thing I can think of is the first anniversary of Nacho’s passing. It’s not till September, but when I think about how March literally feels like yesterday September doesn’t seem too far away anymore. If you had a pet moose, what would you name him? Probably the name of another animal, like Cow. I’ve seen other people name their dogs the names of different animals and it has always sounded so hilarious to me. Do you often hold back what you really want to say? If it’s gonna make me look unnecessarily blunt and hurtful then yes. Are you currently wearing any jewlery? Nope. What was the last gift you gave to someone? Cooper, for Father’s Day. It was my mom’s idea but I helped chip in with the graduation money I got from one of my aunts. Do you decorate for Christmas? (If you celebrate it, that is.) We do. I’ll probably put a tree and some stockings up once I live alone, idk, just so I don’t feel too lonely. Are you hungry? A bit, but it’s manageable. On that note, I miss continental breakfasts. I’ve been having Filipino-style breakfast for months and I really would just like a goddamn croissant or bread rolls with butter for once, lol. When was the last time you went bowling? Sometime in September and October last year. Can you whistle? Yes. Is there a certain genre of music that you just can't stand? Country. Are you allergic to anything? Nope. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. I lay my head on one and hug another. If I don’t have a ~hug pillow~ it takes much longer for me to fall asleep. You've just won a free vacation! Where do you want to go? Covid restrictions hypothetically put aside, I’d love to go on the New York/Texas trip I initially planned as my grad gift. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? I have a good relationship with my dad. But it’s not like I feel comfortable enough to tell either of my parents any of my secrets. What's your favorite thing about yourself? Gabie likes to tell me “you’re too selfless, you don’t have to help everyone” in sort of like an annoyed tone because that’s exactly what I do lol - help anyone, even if I have to go out of my way or even if it’ll inconvenience me to do it. But I love it about me. I like when I get to make people go home with one less issue on their shoulders. Do you have any health problems? Scoliosis. Have you ever had a near-death experience? Almost smashed into a car that suddenly braked while I was going 50, 60 kph. Are you extremely picky when it comes to guys/girls? That’s what demis essentially are, lol. Do you ever listen to classical music? It’s my last resort when I’m studying and no other music is helping me get focused. What was the last concert you attended? Paramore. What's a movie you'd like to see right now? (Old or new) Ammonite, it’s an upcoming film with Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan. Do you take life too seriously? Most of the time. I just find it necessary that way. When was the last time you were truly scared? This weekend when my mom watched a jumpscare with the sound on, so I heard the loud demon scream that came up in the end. What's the funniest trick you've ever pulled on anyone? I don’t like pulling tricks because I don’t like them pulled on me. The most I’ve done is take Gab’s phone and pretend with her that it’s lost. Do you like orange juice? I’ll drink it if it’s served for free, but I wouldn’t buy one for myself. Do you own any skinny jeans? Yes, nearly all my jeans are skinny. Do you have a diary/journal that you frequently write in? You’re looking at it. When was the last time you had a good workout? November, back when I still had that intense PE class that made me work out for an hour every Wednesday and Friday. Do you like your eye color? I find it too common but I’m not actively complaining about it. I don’t feel the need to change it. When was the last time you played with Play-Doh? Two or three years ago at a cousins’ place. One of them was still a baby then, so the toys they had around were clay and kinetic sand and stuff. What's something that you think people waste too much time on? Fighting on Facebook comments lol Do you think they should outlaw talking on your cell phone while driving? They already have, at least here. Are you embarrassed to burp or fart in front of your friends? For the most part. I’ll burp only in front of Angela and Gab. Do you like peanut butter cookies? Yesssssss, but I don’t get to have it a lot. :(

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #202

"a-m-e-r-i-c-a, home of the free, the sick, and the depraved."

Is there a gang problem in your area? No. Would you date an already-attached person? I'm monogamous and can't stand the idea of cheating. So no. What vaccine that you’ve received hurt the most? Oh I can't remember, I got all my vaccines waaaay back. On that note actually, vaccinate ya fuckin kids. :) Are you afraid to ask people out on dates? Well, I've never done it before. Partially because without my own vehicle or money, I couldn't really take anyone out myself. Who was the last person you hung out with? Girt. Do you watch Oprah? No. Do you drool when you sleep? Very rarely. Is there anyone you're waiting for to get on the computer/call you/txt you? It'd be fucking lovely if my previous school would give me my fucking transcript already. But communication is impossible with them. Do you put deodorant on everyday? If I'm staying home all day in my pjs and I smell fine, then no. I do if before leaving the house no matter the circumstance, and also if I just do think I need it at home. Is Pluto a planet? Pluto is a GODDAMN PLANET fucking 1v1 me if you think she's not I stg. Do you make up your own words? No. Do you know anyone who self harms? Not in the current time, thankfully. That I'm aware of, anyway. Who is the most influential person in your life right now? Sara gives me the most motivation. Do you like Gummy Bears? Yeah, man. Do you like the game Tetris? No. I don't enjoy quick, timed puzzle games like that at all. When do you normally go to bed? Nowadays it can be as early as 8, or at most ~11. Lately I've been going to bed around 9. When was the last time you did something for the first time? Early February. Which do you prefer: Valentine’s Day or Easter? Valentine's. Do you wait until the last minute to decorate, or do you decorate early? We're usually more last-minute. What’s your favorite Starbucks drink? N/A What do you use to sweeten your tea? N/A Which dollar store do you like best? *shrugs* Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette? No. What’s one challenge you want to complete for youtube? N/A If you make youtube videos, do you have a posting schedule? No. When was the last time you stepped outside of your comfort zone? Probably recently? Can't recall what. Do you own a tripod for your camera? Yeah. Would you rather go to London, Paris, or Tokyo? Probably Tokyo. Were you a bigger fan of Lindsay Lohan or Hilary Duff? Hilary Duff. Which Olsen twin was your favorite: Mary-Kate or Ashley, and why? I remember like, nothing about them. Do you make Halloween costumes out of clothes from your closet? If I wanna dress up, that's pretty much my only option. Do you enjoy putting outfits together? I'm indifferent. What does your umbrella look like? It's just black. Do you like stuffed animals? YES. Were there any subjects that you got a perfect SAT score in? If so, what? Well, this is pretty relevant (I need the scores to resume school). I'm so sure I took it, but apparently not... Do you spent more time in your bedroom or your living room? I live in my room. Do you name stuffed animals still? Not usually. Do you still own your favorite Barbie? I wasn't into Barbies. What’s the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? I dunno. What’s your favorite thing about yourself? I'm really, really passionate. Have you ever celebrated Valentine’s Day when you were single? No. Do you have any family members that you’ve never met? Plenty of my extended family, and then I don't know one of my sisters. If you’re from the US, what states have you lived in? Just North Carolina. Who was your best roommate? Well it was my then-boyfriend, his best friend, his friend's then-gf, and myself, so I'd obviously choose Jason. What types of YouTube videos are your favorite to watch? Mark's ego ones are my all-time favorites, but if you mean like a general category, let's plays. Which do you watch more: TV, YouTube, or movies? I almost exclusively watch YT. Have you ever wanted to be a model? No. What years did you attend prom? '12 and '14. Do you like your name how it’s spelled? I'm fine with it, but I'd prefer "Brittney," as it's spelled more accurately in terms of how it's pronounced. Did you ever want to be famous? No. Who was your first online friend? Emma. Peruse your bookshelf. Which genre dominates? I don't have one/I don't really read. Does mail get delivered to your door or do you have a mailbox outside? There's a box. If you got a gift card for 50 [your currency], what would you get? I'd save it. Are you good at trivia games? Noooo. If you wear makeup, what’s the most outrageous color you use? I don't use anything unordinary, if I even wear any. What’s the longest song you’ve ever listened to? Shit dude, I'm not sure. "Free Bird" is definitely up there. Do you like garlic bread? Give me ALL of it. Would you ever date someone who didn’t believe in marriage? No; I personally want to be married, so that'd cause some issues. I'd also be concerned that they're not as committed to the relationship as me. What’s the funniest book you’ve ever read? I recall Bite Me: A Love Story by Christopher Moore being pretty funny. Do you think most teenagers are becoming vegetarians just to look cool? No? Have you ever tried climbing a tree? No. When’s the last time you ate a taco? I hate tacos. Would you be more likely to kill yourself or die getting shot? Idk. I've lived through suicidal eras before, and I don't see why I'd be a target to be shot. So it's sad to say, but probably kill myself on impulse. I don't see that ever happening, but just answering the question. 3 things you like to learn about: Meerkats, Mark (look I really don't mean it in a creepy way, I'm just genuinely interested in learning about him), and conspiracy theories. What’s something you could debate about for hours? WOW, never make me do that. Debating gives me anxiety attacks in extreme cases. Has anyone ever called you charming? Maybe? Do you own a pearl necklace? No. What chances do you think you have of becoming a divorcee? Very small; I'm super, super picky with relationships and wouldn't dare marry someone if I had doubts. Would you prefer a black or white cellphone, or a bright colored one? Colored. Does your mom, dad, or siblings play any instruments? No. Your last ex: how did you two get together? He finally admitted he liked me, and though I wasn't totally sure how I felt about him (bf or bro), I decided to give it a shot. What’s the best food for sleepovers? You can't fail with pizza. Does your mom dye her hair? Sometimes, when she's annoyed enough by the gray. If yes, does she deny that she does? No. Are ‘personal response’ essays painful to write for you? Back in school, not at all. How far can you run without breaking a sweat? WHOA girl who told you I RUN??????????? Do you/your parents have any creepy pictures or painting up on the wall? I've been told the Silent Hill stuff is creepy. What’s the best kind of video game? (Adventure, shooting, etc) Horror. I just think it's super cool how something not real can terrify you or literally stop you from moving forward. Do you know anyone who has road rage? MY YOUNGER SISTER. How would you react if your mom got a lip piercing? WOW. I'd be stunned all right. What/who do you take the most pictures of? Nature. Have you been in a play? In elementary and Sunday school. Fries or onion rings? Fries. Do you have a grandparent who refuses to go to an old folk’s home? I only have one, and no, she's still capable of caring for herself. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what’s your go-to game at one? No, but I am SO determined to at least go to one with the Silent Hill arcade game that's incredibly rare. If you were a fantasy character, would you be a warrior, a mage or a rogue? Mage. What tempts you frequently? Tattoos the moment I have money in my hand akdslfjawoei. What’s something that will always distract you from what you’re doing? Loud noises or talking at any volume. Who is the most wonderful, amazing person in your life right now? Sara. My Sara Jane 110%. <3 Do you carry a backpack, a shoulder bag, or a purse? A purse. What’s something attractive in a member of your own gender? I'll answer physically and mentally. Physical: godDAMN do hips do it for me. Mentally: an open, questioning mind hungry to learn. What’s something repulsive in a member of your own gender? Physical: just bad hygiene. I don't find any bodily feature in specific as "repulsive." Mentally: A know-it-all, bitchy attitude. Do your pets sleep next to you at night? Roman always starts off in my bed, usually right beside my head (which is SO damn cute), but occasionally he moves around to other places. Teddy also starts off on the bed if he wants up, but typically jumps down after a while to go to the couch instead. What’s the farthest country you’ve met someone from? Irl, Japan. Online buddies, Australia. Who is your favorite movie villain? Harley Quinn from Suicide Squad, probably. Man, mentioning it makes me wanna watch it again. Or maybe Dark Alessa from the first SH movie as she wonderfully played for a child (she's the youngest nominee ever for the Emmy's AND Genies, y'all) and a truly intimidating character. What’s your favorite flavor of mousse? I don't even remember how it tastes. Do you prefer fruit or berries? ... Berries are fruit? But I get what you're asking, and I think "normal" fruit, despite my favorite fruit being strawberries. Have you ever kept a food diary? I don't believe so. Have you ever calculated whether you get enough minerals and vitamins in your diet? Not myself, but doctors have determined I don't. I know I had a sickening deficit of vitamin D, though; I have to take the vitamin twice a week now. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Have you ever written a love letter to someone as a joke? That's fucking evil. No. Was your first kiss romantic? It was cute. I guess kinda romantic. Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? Yes. Have you ever tried to break up anyone because YOU liked the guy/girl? No. Did you ever think someone didn’t like you, but come to find out they really did? I wasn't sure if Sara liked me /romantically/. If you were a school, what would your mascot be? Uhhh I'm not sure. Which of Taylor Swift’s music videos is your favorite? I don't listen to her, nor have I seen her music videos. Do you like your mom’s wedding dress? I don't know if I've ever seen it but in old pictures maybe. Who was the last person to hurt you tremendously? Probably Mom. Have you tried Wii Fit? Yeah, it's a great way to lose weight and tone up. Who did you last make food for? Besides myself, Sara. Have you ever taken a survey while drunk or high? No. Do you have any relatives in a mental hospital? No. Have you ever worn those Drunk Goggles? Yeah, once in D.A.R.E. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? Agree to disagree is pretty easy for me. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? FUCK-ING CRUEL. HOW IS IT STILL LEGAL. Who is the best female rocker? Why? As far as singing goes, I looove Angela Gossow from Arch Enemy. The new singer is fine, too. What color of roses do you find the prettiest? A pink/peach gradient sort of one. Or just red. Do you draw fanart of anything? Not regularly at all, but I have before. Do you like the smell of books? Not very much. What’s on your Reading List, so-to-speak, right now? Nothing. Favorite thing to see in museums? Fossils. What things have people shamed you for? Certain controversial opinions, supposedly always wanting pity when I absolutely don't, etc. Do you always reply to private messages? (On any website) Usually, unless they're creepy or it's someone trying to sell a product. Do you like knock-knock jokes? No, I find zero humor in them. Do you prefer earphones or the ear-muff style headphones? Muffs; they block out external sound more and are generally of a higher audio quality. What is one way someone could completely put you off on a first date? Rudeness. What about a way someone could make you like them more on a first date? A good sense of humor. What was the last music video you watched? Did you like it? No clue. Does your voice change when you talk to certain people? Yeah. What’s your favorite chocolate in the valentine box? The ones filled with fudge. What’s your favorite thrift store? *shrugs* Would you ever share your most embarrassing moment publicly? No. Do you eat yogurt a lot? No; not a big fan. What’s a condition you have that you haven’t been officially diagnosed with? None; my issues are diagnosed. ACTUALLY, I still question if I have a tamer form of BPD, but my therapist sees just bipolarity in me, despite fitting quite a few of the qualifiers for an official diagnosis. Oh yeah, I also know I have carpal tunnel, but I'm not diagnosed with it. Which one of your parents do you think is smarter? Oh jeez. I love you, Dad, but Mom is in most areas. My father has ZERO common sense (where I got it from, I'm sure) and has to hear something five billion times before he understands. Which parent do you think you inherited your intelligence level from? Mom. Do you store your bike in a garage for the winter? I don’t have a bike. Have you ever had a professional make-over? No. Have you ever had a professional photo shoot? When my sisters and I were very young, we always got Easter pictures done. As an adult, no. What’s your favorite way to style your hair? I can't really style it much at the length it is, but what I do prefer is having the short hair on the left side of my head positioned towards my face to help conceal the part in my hair that goes from "boy-short" to a bit longer. Also, I just don't enjoy it as much angled down. What irritates you about your daily life? Being alone nearly all day with not a damn thing to do. Doing the same shit every single day gets old. And fast. What makes you feel more creative? Above anything else, MUSIC. It plays such an influence in my drawings and story development. What’s your anti-depressant? Show me Mark laughing his ass off at that stupid "shoosh" thing or watching meerkats be cute. Music can be, sometimes. What’s your favorite fragrance? I'm assuming you mean things like perfume? In that case, something subtle and fresh, like a weak floral sort. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? I don't believe so. Do you ever babysit? No. I did it once in my life years upon years ago for my former neighbor, and while she was a good kid, I was CLUELESS on what to do/how to really interact as much as an adult should with a toddler. Then changing a diaper, jfc. Thank God she hadn't shit in it, because then it woulda been all over. I was only less stressed when Jason came over because hi former man/baby heart throbbing that used to make my abstinent uterus cry, how are ya. We ended up all on the couch together napping, so I mean, I guess mission accomplished???? But yeah, never will again. What is your favorite medication that you take, and why? Latuda + Lamictal played a massive part in literally saving my life. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown, I think? Would you rather do a craft project or a science experiment? Totally a science experiment. What was the last thing you spray-painted? My hair probably for some Halloween event, I think? Do you paint rocks and hide them in your town? ... Is this a thing?????????? Do you have any cousins who look like you? No. What color band and stone does your class ring have? I didn't get one. What’s one thing you are bad at drawing? Hands. HANDS. Can you see the mountains from where you live? No. Did you ever play pranks on April Fool’s Day? Not anymore. Have you ever played a prank and later regretted it? I've mentioned before my sister, our neighbor, and I had a phase of being asshole kids making prank phone calls, so that. Does chronic illness keep you from doing the things you want to do? Not exactly; I guess a good metaphor would be it's like being a chained dog with the leash about to break. I can't seem to get to some places yet, but I'm putting sincere effort into overcoming those limitations. Do you part your hair on the left side, right side, or in the middle? Left. Do you have bangs? No. Do you think you look good with bangs? NO. When was the last time you got an injection? I believe when I was getting a cavity filled at the dentist, so I had numbing shots. How often do you charge your phone? Depends on how much it's used, but maybe every other day, usually? In a house fire, what three things would you save? My mom, dog, and snake. How long is the journey to get to school or work? N/A Where did you meet your best friend? YouTube. Do you use body wash, shower gel, or soap? Body wash. Do you use public transport regularly? No. Who do you usually say hello or good morning first? Mom sometimes or one of the pets. Have you ever had to work while there was a film crew at your work place? No. What’s your favorite color of carnation? I just looked up pictures to remember what they were, and I really like those white and pink ones. Do you/have you worked a job where you could bring leftover food home from? No. Who or what greets you at the door every time you come home? Teddy and Bentley. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? Silent Hill, yes. I'm an admin on its wiki, so pay attention to everything that's going on and contribute to blog posts/forums if I'm not a lazy shit that doesn't wanna read long things. Girt and I talk about World of Warcraft occasionally. Have you ever supported anyone’s Kickstarter? If so, what was it? No. What do you like in your omelet? I haven't had an omelet in, God, forever, but I love the ones with American cheese and bits of ham. Are you currently studying a language? If so, which one? None currently. Do you have free tickets for anything that need to be used soon? Idk. How many things do you remember from the first few years of your life? Oh, boy. I have incredible long-term memory, but it only spans back so far, and I don't know how many years qualifies as just "the first few." I'm also HORRIBLE at categorizing events by age. But w/e, just gonna guesstimate like, 1-4. 1.) I watched my insane brother go down the slide of our playset into the essential lake Hurricane Floyd caused in our yard; 2.) lots of things in pre-k, 3.) being babysat, and our first one always gave Nicole and me moonpies; 4.) going to an absolutely awful daycare where I had my hand slapped by a teacher just for unknowingly going into the wrong room to pick up a toy during playtime (I literally sobbed my lungs out until Mom got me, and she never took me back); 5.) mentioning her, I had AWFUL separation anxiety; 6.) I very publicly had a M E N T A L  B R E A K D O W N before I got my blood drawn for the first time (at least at the age where I could understand what was about to happen); 7.) playing with my best friend; and that's all for now. I'm sure there's a whole lot more. NONONONONONO WAIT. So this is super specific, but boy do I remember it. Nap time. Nope. The teacher would have quiet instrumental music on, and I remember so well that if "Für Elise" came on, I would secretly be crying on my "bed" with this random vision of my mom literally melting while looking horrified. Look, I don't. I don't understand either. A child's brain is one hell of an artist. What is something that you would you say you have an advanced knowledge of? Will I ever answer questions like these with anything other than "meerkats?" What is a restaurant that you would never eat at? Anything sketchy, for one. If it doesn't look decently hygienic, I'm not touching anything there. What historical event do you have an advanced knowledge of? HA, none. What is a phrase that you use that you don’t hear many other people use? I dunno. Well, there's "gg" ("good game"=[usually] sarcastic "good job"), which is pretty much gamer terminology; I've said it before in front of people and yeah, didn't understand. Who’s the last person you told a secret to? Either Sara or Mom, idr. Which side of the bed do you sleep on? I sleep more towards the middle of my bed, but I am closer to the left side. Are you currently looking for a job? I'm desperate enough for a job that I'm in vocational rehab. Think that's a sufficient answer. Is there anything currently hurting on your body? Surprisingly not. When was the last time you were told you were cute? *shrugs* Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence? Dad or Kim, I think. Do your parents really know you? Mom, for sure. I don't feel that Dad truly knows me deeply. Like he's familiar with some things I enjoy and my timidness, but I think that's... kinda it? I mean I'm a whoooole different person from what I was when he left, and there were a couple years before I spoke to him again, so that's a large period of time to change. I do know some of our political/moral beliefs are inverse of each other, and I've got a feeling just from me knowing him that he likely doesn't take mental illness like depression very seriously, and with me being. Me. Disorders are apparently attracted to me. But seriously, as I wrote, I don't know if that's at all true. Honestly who was the first person to tell you they love you? Romantically or platonically? I can pretty much guarantee my mom was the first person to say that ever, but romantically, idk. Probably one of those two boys that wouldn't leave me alone for anything.in pre-k, though I think it's quite obvious neither loved me at that age. Have you ever broken up with someone and become bitter enemies? No. Were you ever obsessed with Vitamin Water? I don't think I've ever even tried it. Have you ever had a weird dream and obsessed over what it might mean? No, as I don't feel they have any strange/"special" meanings. Or do you usually forget about your dreams? And then there's also that. Which languages can you speak? English, some simple German. Which language do you speak the most and why? English, because I was raised speaking it. What celebrities, if any, have you seen naked? None. I know, SHOCKING. Have you ever seen anybody naked by accident? Yeah. Have you ever wondered what somebody looks like naked? Sure. Have you ever had a sexual fantasy about a celebrity? I plead the 5th. Do you think guys look good in makeup? You ROCK THAT SHIT, QUEEN. Do you like using clay and/or peel-off masks for skincare? I like face masks, but it's not something we buy. Instead I just use Biore charcoal scrub. If you have a job, who’s your closest friend at work? N/A Is there an automatic fog light in your yard? No. What’s your go-to activity when you’re bored? Surveys, usually. Have you ever worked in an office? No.

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Resurgence

A Jacksepticeye Fan Fiction

Part Five: This is the Police

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Summary: The kids are for sure missing, and Chase is the number one suspect in the eyes of the police. The boys have to scramble to piece together a way to get the kids back.

“Are you two gonna head home anytime soon?” Jackie asked, exasperated.

Marvin, lounging on the beanbag, looked over at JJ. “I dunno, you ready to go back yet?”

JJ, who was standing near the window and staring out, shrugged. I’m good to go at any moment. Just waiting for you, my good man.

“I’m comfortable, dude, might as well stay a bit longer.”

Jackie sighed. Marvin was a great friend, fun to be around and also one hundred percent ready to defend the others at any cost. But sometimes the hero thought he existed for the sole purpose of annoying the shit out of him.

A loud, banging knock came from the door, causing everyone to jump.

Were you expecting anyone, Jackie? JJ asked.

“I don’t think so...” Jackie frowned.

More banging. “Open up, police!”

“Are you fucking kidding?” Marvin sat straight up. “Did we do something? I don’t think we did anything. JJ, did we do anything?”

The silent man shook his head, but Jackie could see the doubt on his face. “Maybe they found my location?” Jackie suggested, knowing that wondering about doing crimes was not good for JJ’s health. “I mean, it’s not exactly legal to dress up in a red suit and beat up criminals.”

Bang bang bang. “This is your last warning. Open up, or we’re breaking down the door.”

“Oh, jesus. Hang on!” Jackie quickly crossed the room to the apartment’s front door, opening it to reveal three police officers. “What seems to be the problem, officer? It can’t be anything worth breaking the door down. That shit’s expensive to replace, you know.”

The cop in front, a tall, dark-skinned man, answered. “We need to come in, sir.”

“Uh, d’you have a warrant? Or probable cause?” Jackie knew a bit about police work, and he wasn’t about to let them in when there was reason to refuse.

A female cop in back spoke up. “He looks like the guy, Beaton. Just in better shape and longer hair.”

“Who do I look like?” Actually, Jackie knew of six other people he looked like, two of whom were still in his apartment, but he needed specifics.

“What’s your name, sir?” The first cop, Beaton, asked.

“Uh, Jackie. Jackie Parker. I have an ID, if you wanna check. But I would still like to know why you’re here.”

“Fifteen minutes ago, somebody in this apartment made a call,” Officer Beaton explained. “This call went to one Stacy Davidson, whose children went missing two days ago. The caller is a suspect in the case.”

“Wait...are you talking about Chase?” Jackie had to fight hard to keep his expression surprised and nothing more. So Bobby and Trevor really were missing? What happened? Actually, they all knew what probably happened. He got a sick feeling in his stomach just thinking about it.

“Chase Brody was the name, yes. He a friend of yours?”

“Yeah, he was here not too long ago. But he’s gone now.”

“We still have to check, Mr. Parker. And we have to search for the children as well. If you don’t mind...”

“Uh, yeah. Sure, okay.” Jackie stepped aside, and the cops entered the apartment. Marvin and JJ, who had certainly heard every word, had moved to standing beside the couch, and observed the proceedings with wide eyes.

“What are you, triplets?” muttered one of the cops.

“This is no time for jokes, Alvirez,” Officer Beaton reprimanded. “You and Cameron search the place. I’ll talk to these two.”

The two cops nodded, splitting off into the bedroom and bathroom. Jackie sidled over so he was standing between his friends and Beaton. He didn’t really think the policeman would hurt them, but you never knew. Crooked cops were everywhere, and it was better to be safe. Marvin and JJ subtly shifted so they were standing even closer to each other.

“Alright,” Officer Beaton said. “I’m going to assume neither of you are Mr. Brody, but considering how all three of you look eerily similar to him, I’m going to need some sort of identification.”

“That’s stupid,” Marvin muttered. JJ and Jackie gave him discreet looks of are you crazy do you want to get arrested? and the magician sighed. “But okay.” He reached into his jean pocket and withdrew a wallet, taking out a driver’s license and handing it over. Jackie did the same, using his work ID.

“This driver’s license is very expired,” Officer Beaton said. “But you’re clearly the guy in the picture. Marvin Moore, huh? Sounds familiar...”

“Yeah, I had my fucking fifteen minutes of fame a while ago,” Marvin drawled, rolling his eyes.

“Whatever. And you,” Beaton looked at Jackie, “seem to be who you say you are.” He turned to JJ. “Your turn, sir.”

Problem. JJ had absolutely no legal documents. Kinda hard to get identification for a man from the 1920′s. Swallowing nervously, JJ signed, I must’ve forgotten my ID at home.

“What the...?”

“Jameson can’t talk,” Jackie hastily explained. “He’s saying he left his ID at home. That’s okay, right?”

“Assuming he didn’t drive here,” Officer Beaton muttered. “I think I could let this one slide.”

The other two cops reemerged. “Nothing, Beaton.” “Big negative here, boss.”

“Okay, looks like you three are off the hook.” Officer Beaton gave Jackie and Marvin their IDs back. “I’d be careful around your Brody friend, though. It’s never a good sign when the guy you’re hanging out with is suspected of kidnapping.”

“Chase is the nicest, funniest, most kind-hearted guy ever,” Jackie defended. “Whatever’s going on, I’m one hundred percent sure he’d never take his own kids by force.”

“Still, be careful. We’ll be on our way now.” The three cops left, closing the door behind them.

The three exchanged worried looks. “I think we should check on Chase,” Marvin suggested.

Currently, Chase was freaking out. Not only were his kids missing, not only were they under the control of a murderous glitch demon, not only were they being used to blackmail him into killing his best friend, but just to rub salt in the wound, he was the number one suspect for their disappearance. It wasn’t like he could tell the police “hey, I didn’t kidnap Bobby and Trevor, this weirdo reality-breaking doppelganger did!” Actually, that would probably make them even more suspicious of him. He’d end up in a psych ward.

So there was nothing he could do except let the detectives into his house, wait for them to get comfortable, then sit down and try not to look like his insides were being squeezed by an invisible fist of anxiety. Schneep hovered awkwardly in the corner, looking back and forth between Chase and the detectives.

“So, uh, you dudes gonna question me? Or something?” Chase asked.

“That is our job, after all,” said the taller one, Detective Bowman. “But you don’t have to worry.” That did not stop Chase from being worried. “When was the last time you saw your kids?”

“Uh, the 27th, 28th, and 29th. They were over for custody weekend. Their mom came over and picked them up Sunday night, and I haven’t heard from them since.”

Detective Akela jotted something down in his notebook. “And you didn’t see them at all during the week?”

“No, sir.”

“Hmm...” the detectives didn’t look convinced. Akela continued, “The mother, Stacy, told us that the kids had been staying up late at night, talking to someone. When she asked them about it, the daughter refused to answer, while the younger son admitted they’d been talking with their father. You.”

Shit. “Well, I dunno what to tell you. I mean, Trevor does have quite an imagination. Maybe he was just missing me?” Or maybe the two of them had actually been chatting with someone who looked eerily similar to Chase.

“According to Stacy, this had been going on for about two months, but increasing lately,” Bowman added. “You’ve had no contact with your kids during that time period?”

“Apart from custody weekends, no.”

Akela made another note. “Can you explain why you and your wife had a divorce?”

Chase felt a jolt somewhere deep in his stomach. “Uh, w-well, um...” he cleared his throat. “It-it was her decision. I can’t know what was in her head, but, I think she didn’t...she wasn’t...she didn’t like my job. And I mean, uh, we did kinda get married young. Maybe she thought she was...” Wasting her life. “...missing out.” And she didn’t want to be stuck with a useless, drunk bastard who couldn’t do anything for her or the kids even though he loved them more than life itself.

The detectives exchanged glances, having some sort of silent conversation. “Did you feel cheated, at all, when the court decided you could only see Roberta and Trevor on the weekends?” Bowman asked.

“I mean, yeah, it sucked, but I couldn’t do anything about it. And I’m glad I still get to see them at all.” Chase swallowed nervously. “But you have to believe me when I say I’d never try and—and steal them. I’m not that kind of person.”

“If you say so, Mr. Brody,” Bowman said. She did not sound convinced at all.

“Ihr wisst nichts über elternschaft.”

Chase jumped. He’d completely forgotten Schneep was in the room until he heard that muttered phrase. The detectives had apparently forgotten too, as they turned to look at him. “And who might you be?” Bowman asked, a little rudely. She’d apparently picked up on Schneep’s impertinent tone.

“I am Doctor Henrik von Schneeplestein, a good friend of Chase,” he explained. “And you are being very rude to a person you know nothing about.”

“We’re merely doing our job, sir,” Akela sounded like he was trying to stop the conversation before it could go any further.

“Then you are doing it badly. You should know no parent in their right mind would take their own child when they are perfectly happy where they are. Why are you even having this conversation? Chase shouldn’t even be an option for suspect.”

“We have to consider everyone,” Bowman said, gritting her teeth. “You’d be surprised what people are capable of.”

“I very much doubt that. But Chase is not able to do anything you think he is capable of doing. Maybe you should find more about your suspicion people before you blame them for things they would never do.”

“I think we’ve found out everything we need to.” Akela stood up, giving his partner a significant look. Bowman glared at Schneep one last time before also getting to her feet.

“Well, uh, thanks for coming over and...letting me know about Bobby and Trevor,” Chase said. “Can you keep me in the loop? I want to know when they’re safe.”

“Don’t worry, Mr. Brody, we will,” Akela assured him. “We’ll be on our way now.”

“Good day,” Bowman said curtly.

As soon as the door shut behind the detectives, Chase stood up and turned to Schneep. “Well, there’s no denying it now,” he said. “He has them.”

The doctor sighed, and leaned against the wall. It was like his anger at the detective had given him temporary strength, which drained away the moment they were gone. “Yes, it would seem so. He may not hurt them, Chase. Not unless he finds out you are not doing what he wants you to.”

“Doc...I can’t take that chance. You know that. What should we do?”

“I...maybe...”

Chase jumped as his phone rang. Fumbling with his pocket, he pulled it out and saw Jackie’s name on the caller ID. He put the call on speaker and answered, “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Hi Chase,” Jackie sounded slightly panicked. “This is, uh, this is going to sound weird but a couple cops just showed up at my apartment looking for you—”

“Wait, really? A couple detectives were at my house. They said Bobby and Trevor were missing.”

“Yeah, the cops here said the same thing. They...uh, I guess you know they think you did it?”

“Said as much.” Chase took a deep breath. “What are we going to do?”

Silence for a bit. Then, “Okay, JJ just suggested he and Marvin do the scrying thing they mentioned earlier as soon as possible. Just see where they are, so we can try to get them back.”

“Sounds good—”

“Chase, wait.” Schneep jumped in. “Your kids are not the only ones in danger.”

Chase felt his stomach sink. “You mean Jack.”

Schneep nodded. “I think we need to wake him up, so he is able to defend himself.”

“You know how to do that?”

“Of course I do. I am qualified doctor.”

“We can split into teams,” Jackie said on the other end of the line. “Marvin, JJ, and me are gonna head to the new house, try to find the kids. You two go back to the hospital, try to wake Jack up.”

“Sounds like a plan. Call you on any updates?”

“Yep. Good luck.”

“You too, dude.” The phone call ended, leaving a dial tone in its wake. Chase sighed. He hoped this would work. He didn’t want to think of the consequences of failure.

[henclair]

hhhhey could you do dustin/lucas hcs? just in general bc the bois

ohhh boy i love the bois

-They get together because all their friends are dating each other

-Mike and Will are dating and Max and El are dating so Dustin and Lucas feel really annoyed with all the PDA so they start making out like Bros do

-Spoiler alert: It’s Not Just Bro Things

-They find out it’s not just Bro Things when they’re fighting and Lucas says “Goddamnit why do I have to be in love with you?”

-Dustin starts laughing so hard he cries and then he pulls Lucas back down to wrestle with him

-They talk it out with their friends present bc like any dumb teenagers Dustin doesn’t respond to how Lucas loves him so they don’t rlly talk let alone make out for a few days and Max is done™

-Dustin “well shit does this mean we’re dating?” Henderson

-Lucas “I hate that i’m in love with you dumbass” Sinclair

-All their dates are to the arcade, like literally all of them

-2 player games? All the time now

-Dustin cheats like a mf when they’re playing together, he tickles and kisses and shoves Lucas

-“It’s to establish dominance in the relationship Lucas!”

-“Oh I’ll show you dominance!”

-Lucas gets a job at the arcade once they’re old enough and then he can edit the high scores so when he and Dustin fight he puts himself on the high score for all the games

-Dustin worked there for a day but he got fired because he was constantly challenging kids to play and he would charge them wayyyy extra if he lost, so he never did his work

-Dustin calls Lucas “Lando” as a (nerdy) pet name

-Lucas has no nickname for Dustin besides “Dumbass” and “Dipshit”

-Lucas’s little sister catches them kissing literally all the fucking time

-“So this is the real reason why you don’t hang out with girls, huh Lucas.” “Do your homework and leave us alone.”

-They never go to the snowball together because it’s too coupley but they do go to school science fair award dinners when they win

-Oh did I mention? Science power couple

-They have won the science fair for their grade every year since 5th grade and no one has the skills to beat them or even come close

-Their science teachers literally give them the keys to their rooms, and eventually when they’re older, the key to the labs

-They definitely abuse this power lowkey

-Neither of their homes have privacy, so no privacy between Lucas’s sister and Dustin’s mom they feel trapped in Hawkins when they wanna just be together

-So they hang out in trees in the woods

-(Hang out? You mean make out and bicker?)

-They have A Tree.

-It’s got a lot of branches so they end up deconstructing a waterproof tent and setting up a badly made tree house

-“Castle Byers 2.0”

-Will and Mike like to hang out there with Lucas and Dustin but they make sure to pull on the string that rings a bell just in case…

-Dustin is 100% a stoner in high school

-He’s very cuddly when he’s high, like very very cuddly

-He and Eleven get high together and they both rant about how cute their signifs are

-Lucas hates the smell of weed but he puts up with it because he loves his boyfriend

-Dustin also tells secrets when he’s high and they’re not always things he fully means so it’s a very awkward thing at first when he’s high around friends (specifically around Lucas)

-“Dude if I liked guys I’d be in love with you.” “Dustin you’re pansexual, you like everyone.” “Woah! Sweet! I love you!” “I know Dustin.”

-Dustin is pansexual and Lucas doesn’t know his sexuality, all he knows is that he loves Dustin

-“So you’re questioning?” “Yeah, questioning why I put up with your shit.”

-The walkie T A L K I E S

-They chat all night tbh, and wake each other up too

-They also learned how to hack the walkie talkies so they can hear conversations on “private” channels and that’s how they get dirt on people

-Lucas tells Dustin he hates him and it’s just the whole “no you don’t” “…no i don’t” thing

-Dustin plays music over the walkie talkies and Lucas freaks out bc Dustin it’s 1 am

-That’s how he asks him to homecoming every year once they get into high school

-Modern Love by David Bowie is the song Dustin uses every year without fail

-He plays it at 9:30 on the dot the day before homecoming and asks Lucas to “accompany him” over their walkie talkies

-Mike and Will listen in tbh

-When it’s senior year Lucas is the one to ask Dustin to prom

-The only way he beats Dustin is he calls at 9:29, a minute before Dustin was going to call, and he plays Modern Love and they both cry when Lucas goes “accompany me to Prom dipshit” and Dustin replies “Oh Lando, thought I’d have to make the first move again” (even though Dustin’s never made the first move ever)

-Dustin’s mom takes so many mf pictures and Lucas’s sister teases them for matching

-Prom is loud and they dance too much and sweat a lot

-When like literally any slow song comes on they’re kinda swaying in place and whispering

-“This is, pretty queer dude.” “Lucas how can I even begin to explain how dumb a sentence that is.”

-Fast songs they jam and lose it with their friends

-They both literally cry when the song Modern Love plays

-But they leave halfway through and hang out on the bleachers of their middle school and Dustin wants to get high but Lucas asks him to not so sweetly that he doesn’t

-Lucas lays down on the bleachers bc he’s exhausted and sweaty and gross and Dustin kinda doesn’t know what to do because it’s so intimate without being sexual

-Dustin eventually opts for taking off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt and laying with his head on Lucas’s stomach

-Lucas can’t breathE

-Will and Mike join them later and they all sit, the og 4 being so absolutely in love and so absolutely happy

-Will and Mike lowkey are making out and Lucas and Dustin just fondly look at each other bc look at those repressed feelings getting out

-Max and El come after prom is over and they go to the arcade because Lucas has a key

-Truth or dare bc they’re nerds who still love it even though they tell each other most everything

-Dustin picks truth at one point and he doesn’t want to tell the truth so he just yells “Shove a test tube up my ass!” And Lucas responds with “Ok.” causing the first death of the night to be Dustin Henderson

-Lucas and Dustin end up sleeping in the back room bc the others have left

-Boss is so pissed but honestly? They’re teens

-They make their characters fall in love in D&D, they force Mike to make it an arc

-“Come on guys we should be doing a mission!” “Mike. Please.” “No!” “You’d do it for you and Will if he asked.” “… Fine.”

-It’s a really dumb arc, lots of cheesy pining and flirting and Will absolutely thinks it is the funniest shit ever so Mike only continues it for him (and because he loves his friends)

-Lucas Sinclair is whipped

-Jump how high doesn’t even begin to cover it

-Dustin has no idea the amount of control he has

-(He does he just doesn’t use it)

-The two still bicker and wrestle a lot and now with an undercurrent of sexual tension

-“Stop looking at my boner when we fight!” both of them at some point

-Their parents just know™ even if they’ve never really come out about their relationships or sexualities

-Dustin’s mom is super supportive and gives him money for dates and lets him stay out later as long as it’s not just him and Lucas (spoiler alert: they lie a lot and are alone)

-Lucas’s mom is very skeptical that the two are being safe because they’re impulsive teenage boys but since her son already gets bullied so much she figures that she should let him live and not give him more pressure to be something he’s not

-Lucas’s dad is not homophobic, but he’s not ok with the thought that his son is growing up and falling in love, he cries a lot when thinking about how he can’t protect his son

-They flirt a lot be honest

-One time to one up Max and Eleven they started fucking going at it in the middle of the street

-Dustin does his little purr to Lucas and Lucas m e l t s

-Lucas would never admit it but that purr has been the bane of his heart’s existence since day one

-Dustin overhears Lucas’s sister call him “Lukey” and so he uses it and it annoys Lucas until the boy snaps and tells Dustin that it’s “Making him too sappy so stop”

-Lucas once calls Dustin “Han” and Dustin doesn’t shut up about it for the rest of the week

-No PDA at school they already get bullied enough, but they do leave locker notes

-Dustin keeps them in his backpack in a seperate section of his science binder

-Science & Lucas go together

-“Nice jeans Sinclair, could they get any tighter?” “Yeah they could so shut the fuck up.”

-There was unresolved sexual tension until senior year and literally all their friends noticed the resolution

-Lucas cannot stand how fluttery his heart gets when Dustin calls him nicknames

-Dustin knows this and doesn’t care

-All in all the boys are in love and :’))

[tr4shythoughts]

Alright, so with the actual ending of Dragon Ball Super coming, I wanted to get something like this out there before hand. The show as a whole has many fans split, and I just wanna talk about some of the things that the show did right and did wrong. 5 things to be exact for each. Now, why would I do it now and not wait till the end? Because I’d rather talk about the ending in its own capacity and not let that sway my opinion on the rest of the show yet. So yeah, here’s five things I think Dragon Ball Super did right, and five things I think it did wrong.

NOTE: I’m going to alternate between one good thing and one bad thing, so it’s gonna go every other number. Good? Good.

1. Tournament of Power

If you ask me what the best arc is in Dragon Ball as a whole, I’m going to tell you that it’s the Cell Saga, specifically the Cell Games. But if you’re going to ask me what the most enjoyable arc was, I’m going to tell you right off the bat it’s the Tournament of Power. Bold move having someone say that a Super Arc was more enjoyable than any Z arc. While the Sayian, Frieza and Cell Saga’s might have been some of the most tightly written arcs in the series with some of the most memorable scenes, the Universal Survival Arc has been all about sheer enjoyment and fun of the original Dragon Ball, with a nice mix of the urgency and threats of Z. We’ve gotten character moments up the wazoo, including but not limited to: the best Kamehameha in the series courtesy of Ultra Instinct Goku (which we’ll get more on later), Master Roshi earning the respect of the gods after putting in work, the culmination of Vegeta’s character arc and his beatdown of Toppo, Gohan’s return to the spotlight, the Android’s back in action and much more. Add along the fact that you’ve gotten some great characters from it such as the Universe 6 Saiyans, Jiren and Toppo, Universe 9 and more, and you set the stage for just one of, if not the most fun arc in the Dragon Ball Franchise

1. Recapping the Movies

It’s no secret at this point that Dragon Ball Super went through a lot of development hell. When the show was first conceived, half the crew was working on the One Piece movie Gold at the time, so they were left with little time to make anything unique and special. They had basically no animation team on top of it, so what did they do? They spent the first 27 episodes recapping Battle of Gods and Resurrection F with bad pacing and terrible animation. We all know about the infamous Episode 5 and how bad the F Arc was handled, so I don’t need to go too in depth with that. Basically, these first 27 episodes were a shame, because it was a chance to get this series off on the right foot. It was the first Dragon Ball series in almost 20 years, and they needed to make a splash in order to really get people on board and supporting this series. Sadly, they didn’t do it, and a lot of fans dropped off before Super could even truly get started. If you’re starting from the beginning, my suggestion is watching the two movies I listed first and skipping the first 27 episodes. You’ll be better off for it.

2. The Return of Fan Favorites

I want to bring up first that I’m not a fan of shows bringing back old characters for nostalgic purposes with no reason for them to be involved (despite being super hypocritical and wanting both Raditz and Cell back in some fashion). However, Dragon Ball Super managed to do it right with two different characters. While Frieza’s first go around was a cash grab, his reappearance in the Universal Survival Arc was godly. At first, like most fans, I was very skeptical of this. I didn’t know what else they could possibly do with this character and was really unsure as to why they brought him back again. I felt like they were doing it just to make another quick buck since, you know, Frieza. But, in the Tournament of Power I’m not gonna lie... he’s been my favorite character alongside the next one I’m going to talk about. Whenever he’s on screen, he’s been the most entertaining character in Universe 7. He’s still cunning, he’s still eating shit, and he’s just being a dick, but a lovable one. He’s the Frieza we all know and love, the one from Namek but with a new twist to him. His interactions with Goku and Gohan have been great, and I’m so glad that he’s been a major player in the finale like I predicted. Next we have Android 17, who once again, I was skeptical about after his introduction. The fact that he was on SSJ Blue’s level was a bit ridiculous, but my worries faded in the Tournament. He was easily the MVP with his durability, versatility, and character as a whole. The scene were he interrupts Ribrianne’s transformation is still one of the funniest gags in the show to me. The Tournament really made me love the Androids a lot more, especially 17. To keep this a bit shorter, Roshi, Krillin and Tien also getting good stuff as well was amazing, and finally seeing Gohan back was a treat too. All in all, Super handled it’s reintroduction of character’s really damn well and has me excited to see more of them.

2. The Ending of the Goku Black Arc

The Goku Black Arc as a whole was actually really damn good. While Zamasu and Goku Black might not have had the best of motives for their characters (since their archetypes have been done so much and better in other places), they were threatening, enjoyable and in all honesty felt like real Dragon Ball villains. With great moments sprinkled into the arc as well as the return of Future Trunks, it had the makings of the best arc in Super by far by the time it was wrapping up. That was until the ending... To keep things brief and logical, Merged Zamasu basically wrecked the timeline, so Goku called in Zeno to help them. Seeing this, Zeno destroyed the timeline as a whole and Future Trunks’ world now no longer exists. He lives in the regular timeline now, but far ahead in the future. Basically the arc ended by destroying the thing they were fighting for the whole time, and it came across as unfulfilling and just a bad cop out. It left a sour taste in my mouth as well as a lot of other peoples, and that was furthered by the fact that they simply could’ve had Future Trunks live in their time period right after. Sending him away felt stupid to me in all honesty, and those feelings amplified after seeing the Tournament of Power. The arc itself is still good and fun, but the ending really makes it a disappointing arc as a whole.

3. Goku and Vegeta becoming the teachers

While most people are really split on them, I adore the Universe 6 Saiyans, especially Caulifla. Call it waifu bait or whatever, but she’s great and I’m glad we got her. Some of my favorite interactions with the Universe 6 Saiyans is how they play off of Goku and Vegeta, and how they’ve basically both taken up new students. We started to see it with Vegeta and Cabba in the U6 vs U7 Arc with how Getes managed to get the other young Saiyan Prince to go Super Saiyan, and that carried over to the Tournament of Power with his wish to see Planet Salada and meet Cabba’s father. With Goku and Caulifla, it was exclusively in the ToP, but the two played off of eachother so incredibly. They were two peas in a pod with their love for fighting and growing stronger, so seeing them just get all giddy when they fight was super fun. We probably won’t see too much more of them in the future, but in all honesty I would love more of this. Hopefully we get a Planet Salada Arc in the future should the show return in some way, shape or form. I’d love for a Caulifla vs Goku rematch for fun and just to see them spend more time with eachother.

3. The Goku and Vegeta Show

Does it make sense that Goku and Vegeta are the two main characters at this point and are the main focus of Super? Yes, 100%. Does that mean it’s a good thing? Not so much... See, the Piccolo effect hit the main cast hard in Z once Goku, Vegeta and Gohan could go Super Saiyan, and once Goten and Trunks could do it that got worse. However, the rest of the Z Fighters still had a chance to get in on the fun and carve out some moments for themselves in some capacity. In Super, that’s not the case at all. The rest of the Z Fighters, and even Gohan, were shunned from getting anything major this go around aside from in the ToP, and even then they were outshined by the stronger, more efficient Saiyans, Frieza Clan and Androids. Goku and Vegeta are great and all, but I would’ve liked to have seen more with everyone else, especially as the show felt like it was transitioning back to skill over power.

4. Whis

I wanted to try and avoid brining up just one specific character for one of these, because using a spot to talk about one character instead of what the show does as a whole felt like a cheap cop out. But, the more I thought about it, the more I knew Whis needed that solo spot. The importance of his character cannot be understated, and how he’s presented, written and executed as a whole is fantastic. He’s the perfect teacher for both Goku and Vegeta, and the joy that he gets out of training them is really the best. He’s insightful, smart, funny, and plays off the rest of the cast extremely well. I can’t think of a lot to say about him other than the fact that he’s a real joy who added a ton of new lore to the franchise, and that in itself is awesome if you ask me. I hope in future iterations he plays just as prominent a role as he’s been playing now.

4. Lackluster Antagonists

I use the word “antagonist” here because aside from Frieza and Goku Black/Zamasu, everyone else has really been just an antagonist and not a bad guy. They’re an opponent for our heroes to fight, but not bad. That being said, I want to talk about how they’ve been a bit underwhelming. Jiren’s backstort was weak compared to the buildup to it, however as of late we’ve seen a more charismatic side to him that does improve his character. However, as a whole for the longest time we knew him as the silent strong type who was going to come in and wreck everyone’s shit. That’s not enough, especially when you have a backstory that makes him Jiren Uchiha. The charisma was needed earlier like in the manga, so what we end up getting here is an antagonist that’s just bland and boring in the eyes of many. With Zamasu, I touched on how his archetype was done better elsewhere before, and that’s still true. While the arc itself is enjoyable and I myself like him, he’s still not the best of villains and comes off as really icky at times with his motives. Like, to me at least he  feels like a whiny brat revolting against the world because he’s going through some phase. To top it off, the lack of a proper villain for most of the arcs does really add to that need to have one. Super missed an opportunity to really make one that could’ve been special. I think the closest we got was Goku Black in all honesty.

5. Ultra Instinct

Ultra Instinct is by far in my opinion the best form/mode the series has come out with, and I’m not talking in terms of strength. In terms of appearance, style and just use, it’s hands down the best next to the Kaio Ken. It was foreshadowed almost 80 episodes before it appeared in canon, and its payoff has been godly. We’ve gotten some of the best fights in the series from it, and it does something that no form since the Kaio Ken has done: focused solely on martial arts. While you do get a power boost, that’s not where it’s main focus comes from. It’s all about letting your body move on its own and react naturally to its surroundings, the most martial artsy thing I can think of. It has a cool design (although I prefer it more than the Goku Blanco edition) and just is amazing to watch. It’s by far one of the best Shonen power ups I’ve seen, and that’s pitting it up against Full Cowling and Gon’s Rage

5. It doesn’t feel like Dragon Ball at times

This is probably the hardest thing to explain without completely undermining my point. Dragon Ball Super in itself is very enjoyable if you ask me. It’s not spectacularly written or has the best fights in the series, but it does go back to its roots in a way Z never did, and I think it’s a great blend between what the original and Z did best. That being said, it takes a while to get there. Between the development hell I talked about and the other factors, it just feels like at times it’s missing the thing that makes it feel like Dragon Ball. We’ll never get the original feeling of setting out on the journey with Goku for the first time, or the intense, life or death fights of Z again, but what we need is a series that was handled properly from the get go and gives fans as a whole what makes the series so good. The fights lack at times, and the first three almost four arcs don’t feel very Dragon Ball-esque to me. Aside from a couple of things, it felt like it was trying to emulate it instead of executing its own ideas while retaining what made the other series so great. All in all, this isn’t a bad thing. It’s a good thing Super is ending, because now it allows them to start fresh and build off of this series with hopefully a continuation once the movie comes out under the same name or a different one. All I know is if it happens, I’ll be there to support it.

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff - THE (FULL) TROOF ABOUT STEVEN UNIVERSE

WARNING: What you’ll see under the cut is possibly one of the grandest things I will ever do and generally one of the biggest SU Crit posts of all time. Be advised that explicit language is present and we ask that readers are open-minded and reasonable with any given retort. Note that this has been edited due to Tumblr’s limitations of presentable media so click here for the Director’s Cut.

Do like & share if you enjoyed it or if I fought your boredom. Thank you and take care out there. 

Steven Universe is a charming, popular show with a quad-polar fandom, and I’m only here to point out what I say is legitimately wrong with this cartoon. Simple enough? Fair enough.

POINT #1 - THE ACTION:

Okay, my first point really doesn’t just apply with cartoons, but fights in general. Question: what’s the one thing that people get the most out of seeing a fight? The impacts. Those moments where the opponent is given such a crushing ass blow, that you can feel the effort that went into that attack. Yeah, Steven Universe lacks this. I mean, it can look like the characters are putting effort into fighting their opponents and it can look like they’re getting hurt pretty bad (thanks to applied visuals and sound effects), but it never feels like the characters are actually hitting each other. There are instances of impact, but they’re menial and they’re scattered between the duelists smacking each other like helium filled action figures; feeling as tender as any other motion the characters do throughout. Now if you’re wondering what I mean by impacts, note these prime examples; because animes know their action.

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Hajime no Ippo

Summer Wars

My Hero Academia

If present, violence can/should provide a stark raving contrast to the supposedly grounded world in any series, and the impacts of violence should be escalating with every punch or kick. Attacks should fly with fierce swiftness, the weight/force of any blow can be seen; raw power, speed, and stamina should be pushed to limits unknown. Now, I’m not saying Steven U has to imitate any incredible, well animated fight scene that anime has flawlessly provided by now, but more effort should have been made to escalate the impact of their fights, not keep it steady tuned with

*Smear work to make the boring motions look fast paced

*Spiky white marks to show a clash

*quick visual instances of impact that lets you know a character is getting hurt

*and tons of smoke to cover the possibly graphic imagery

Steven Universe has the fundamentals of action down, but they don’t go beyond that (plus ultra). Their fights can look technically similar with the characters being the only real source of variation, especially when you can figure out their attacks ahead of time. So I hate to say this, but if you’ve seen one fight, you’ve seen ‘em all.

Another reason I presented Steven U’s lacking action is because tts not just about fists flying or weapons clashing, but the balance of emotion that goes with the foes putting their heart and soul into taking each other down. But, for most of the time, I don’t see SU’s fights present any real hook of seriousness, even if it wants me to, and most of them feel present for (basic) comedy. I feel less invested in who’s fighting, or why, than I am at how they’re getting beat up. Ironic, being a show that’s all about being open with its “serious” emotions. Combined with its lackluster animation, and they don’t add much contrast towards an otherwise easy going series

This here is honestly the most funniest a fight scene of theirs can get (mostly ‘cuz Peri deserved that), but after seeing the pretty slow animation, it can lose its luster no matter how deserving it may seem. Now notice this whopping scene, from the anime One Punch Man, below.

You can know nothing about One Punch Man, who these characters really are, but you can tell from these 5 seconds alone that when a fight happens, there’s a fast, over the top sense of comedy that comes with the brutal nature of a man that can apparently KO anybody in one swing, ironic and even more comedic with said one hit wonder being the most emotionless looking character on the show.

Seriously, that’s his face for almost the whole series

Now I know what you’re thinking, “But Monkey Network, it’s mostly a slice of life cartoon. The action scenes aren’t that prominent in the series as you might think and hope. It’s not supposed to be a violent show.” And I’d say fair point except for the fact that Friendship is Magic is also a slice of life cartoon that only has a few real action scenes under its belt, and this particular one is the best fucking thing I’ll ever see.

AGAIN, you can know nothing about the series as a whole, or this episode in general, but this fight alone perfectly captures the game Steven Universe has never really utilized since its early days. It has some seriousness with its escalating over the top attacks, the pace never feels constant, and even though they’re evenly matched, the things they do look fucking cool. The only downside is that since the show has puppet flash animation, it does looks limited, but even then they made the most of it. Steven Universe is hand drawn, so with all due respect, they have no fucking excuse. Their fight scenes amount to stay the course animation with glimpses of impact and a flashy style to avoid it from being pod racing levels of BORING. I’ve seen fan animations that would give this show a run for its money.

The Fandom provides more than the actual show

Even before Garnet’s fight with Jasper, Steven Universe’s action sequences was a sweet chunk of what made the show investing to watch, and looking at back at it, I was a bit too invested in something that wasn’t that invested in itself. Again, I know it can’t stack up to the God tier works that the anime world’s made for itself, but compared to other action present cartoons (Voltron, Star vs. the Forces of Evil, Avatar, The Powerpuff Girls, MLP, OK KO, any shonen anime), I think maybe they could/should git a little gooder in providing actual fights, not sparring matches. That, and if Sugar Honey Ice Tea and her crewniverse can put such effort into the facial expressions, they can make the fights more expressive too.

POINT #2 - THE “VILLAINS”:

Now, I fucking love villains. Not just for the who, but why and how they do it. When bad guys like the Joker, Lord Dominator, DIO, or Him do their thing onscreen, I enjoy every moment of their threatening essence (except Jared Leto’s Joker, he sucked). Villains remorselessly do unethical, downright vicious, things to fulfill their goals while initiating setting up the heroes to correct these effects with their efforts and abilities. Steven Universe has villains, sure. Yet, after having so many chances, Rebecca Sugardaddy has failed to make them REAL villains, specifically the Great Diamond Authority.

Now originally, I was gonna compare the Diamonds to the likes of Fire Lord Ozai(Avatar: The Last Airbender) or DIO (JJBA); villains that work in the shadows and when they’re eventually revealed, they’re already a force to be reckoned with. But looking into how they and Homeworld is set up, there was no other villainous ensemble that could stack up with the Diamonds perfectly like the Gorosei from the anime One Piece.

Looking more badass than the US Government

Now these five gentlemen aren’t necessarily what make up the end all be all for the series, but above all, the Gorosei are the ruling leaders of the organization that controls the entire world of One Piece. They command the military, the police, and other agencies, like their investigative and espionage departments, and the only people that out rule these gentlemen are the descendants of those who created it several centuries ago. Like the Diamonds, they seek to maintain order and justice for the people of their world and doing so means taking on any sign of revolution (namely Pirates) that could damage not only their image, but their purpose. Both Authorities possess absolute rule over the many classes that are under them and their stance of power can be present with the many actions that effect the characters we focus on currently. The difference between the two ruling classes is nuance, aka a grey sense of morality, aka an actual sense of relatability. So when I see a series having an overall narrative villain, Steven Universe has shown me that sympathy should NOT be a factor in storytelling.

Now when I say this, I don’t mean you can’t sympathize with any villain you see. Most of the time, you can feel for the antagonist when their lives never were good to begin with, that’s namely how villainy starts out, therefore making their actions not so much justified, but understandable. Take the rogues gallery that are the enemies of Batman.

Every one of them has a story to tell and a method to their madness. Their histories weren’t as nice or as hopeful as they may have hoped, and you can feel their pain as their efforts to be successful at something grand falls apart due to the Dark Knight or life’s unforgiving nature. However, the sympathy stops there because none of these masterminds, with the Joker being an exception, serve as a main villain to Batman’s crusade for justice, they’re continuous rivals and one off stories that expand the DC Universe. No evil in Gotham is powerful enough because Batman’s story has no real endgame. Steven Universe and One Piece will eventually have an endgame. And while the Gorosei represent an Oligarchical commodity that separates its order seeking rule from their affiliating countries, The Diamonds have amounted to being under one system alone:

Or generally cruel Collectivism if you wanna sound smart

And it’s weird I bring this up. For I would’ve thought to have called Homeworld an authoritative caste system where the gem you’re born with defines your class and status, coinciding with the gems’ natural abilities. The specific gems are given a role and everyone plays a part to maintain societal order, like what India has, with the Diamonds being the biggest and strongest gems and therefore are the de facto Matriarch of the gem society, you feel me? That would’ve earned a little sympathy from me, because the Diamonds losing Pink would’ve meant the massive changes to accommodate their order and resources might not have worked out so well and their image as leaders are slowly diminishing and that can explain the huge resentment for Earth and Rose’s Rebellion.

But no. Instead the Diamonds are a repressive totalitarian government that basically control everyone and everything, all the gems below to strictly follow and almost never question their line of reasoning, and they’re reasons for destroying the Earth has been summarized down to the emotional baggage and grudge that came with their failure long ago.

CAN YOU NOT FEEL THEIR STRUGGLE?!

Wanna know why I didn’t compare the Diamonds to Avatar’s Fire Nation when talking about humanizing the enemy and the connection couldn’t be more obvious? Because before Ozai is ever mentioned, The Last Airbender states very clearly that the Fire Nation is the region Aang and his friends need to infiltrate to stop their manifest destiny. And when we’re early hinted that Zuko’s not full on evil, it lets the audience know that not everyone is on board with those in charge of the Fire Nation invasion, leading up to Ozai’s big debut where we see that as the endgame villain, he’s irredeemable and has such a lust for power, that he’s recognizably the main drive everyone has to stop. Avatar did this right because little by little, the main enemy was narrowed down to a single force that hasn’t made itself known until near the end when his presence bear more importance. The same can’t be said for Steven Universe because Rebecca Sugar Rush presented yet another faint mistake.

The Diamond’s personalities are given to us before they’ve shown us who they are and what they’re capable of…

So we see Yellow Diamond as a vindictive, no nonsense leader that wants shit to get done and Blue Diamond as a more tender looking, yet no nonsense leader that’s grieving over Pink Diamond’s death and does whatever she can to move on and remember the fallen fondly. So, have they done anything before we’ve met them personally? Sure.

*They corrupted thousands of their own kind (because of the rebellion)

*Allowed experimentation towards shattered gems to make artificial fusion or disembodied amalgamates (because of the rebellion)

*And let’s not forget the Cluster (because of the rebellion)

So yeah, quite a lot actually. Now you might be thinking, “But Monkey Network, what does those five old men have to do with what the Diamonds did?” Well, when you see the villainous shit the Gorosei have commanded, their actions are actually more relatable than one would expect.

*Ordering the destruction of an island of archaeologists because they were secretly researching forbidden history

*Ordered death to any pregnant woman in sight fearing that one could be pregnant with Gol D. Roger, the OG Pirate King’s, child. Said slaughter lasted for around two years (Special thanks to @des-the-girl​ for this info)

*Directing the Marines, or the front line enemies of our Pirate heroes

*And contemplating their system’s next move when updates arrive

Now I don’t know about you, but these gentlemen make up quite an authoritative class with understandable motives and relatable notions on running the world without necessarily being on the front lines. Kinda like the US over the years? Even when their level of corruption can be on par and we still know little of their true power and who they really are, they’re instantly better than the Diamond Authority because we can see why they’re in command, their thoughts and actions towards our heroes shows no sign of being sympathetic, and yet we see where their motives lie. I mean, their Government’s enemies are pirates. You know, Pirates? People who’ve robbed and killed and are the opposite of order? See where I’m going here? They namely go after our heroes who are seen to be the enemy even when the Pirates and plenty others consider them the enemy. It’s almost as if there’s a grey choice for the audience to wonder whom the real bad guys are. OooooOOh. Also, quick side note. The Gorosei look fucking cool. Like their designs aren’t exactly human, credit towards Eiichiro Oda and his expressive designs, but they’re drawn with such a level of seriousness and stature that it presents their elder wisdom and grave subtlety towards a subject in a contrasting light to the pirates bombastic, emotional appeal.

So, what’s the tl;dr aspect of this since you probably won’t take this seriously? Well, call this a domino effect. Basically, Rebecca Sugardop has given us nonthreatening villains that showed no sign of any redeemable qualities beyond their ability to mesmerize us with their acting, and the audience should have a bit of sympathy for their side (see ”Bismuth”). In doing so, she failed to make them real villains. In doing that, there really are no real villains in the show. And when there are no villains, the conflict feels dry and absent. And without conflict, she failed at putting together HALF an overall story. And when you’re a coming of age story where it has to end on some note with maturity and change, after almost five years in the making, you just FUCKED yourself over when you didn’t even invest time in HALF of what makes an overall story of good and evil investing and engaging. Oh I’m sorry, what makes an overall story of a blurred line between good and evil. Investing and engaging.

Ugh, I can’t care anymore. If they get redeemed, sure. If they end up dying like a tragedy, fine. They feel less like villains to overcome and more like stairs Steven has to step on to become a better person. Just let White Diamond be as grandiose and badass as Tumblr’s AUs of her, because again…

The fandom is doing the show a bit of justice

POINT #3 - BEACH CITY:

Okay, before I provide attention to our main gem heroes, I thought I’d give their home of Beach City a vocal point to express the diversity they offer and what makes them an essential drive for Steven and the Crystal Gems to protect the Earth by any means. I mean, they offer such valid representation for the show’s world building and can offer plenty of stories to tell to give us that slice of lifevibe the show really needed. But I believe, after seeing Beach City time and time again over the course of 4 years, that I can summate its presence in the show with a single- Nay. With two simple yet comprehensible words.

Who cares?

Whooo CARES?

Thank you, respectable actor Elaine Stritch. Rest in Peace

To continue, don’t get me wrong. Worldbuilding is more than essential for a story like Steven Universe, Berserk, Friendship is Magic, Legend of Zelda, and so on. Whether big or small, expanding a setting is important to giving characters a versatile way to look at their world in a differing light than before. But suffice to say, what world has Steven Universe built for itself?

*A populated province in the East Coast?

*A barn?

*Ancient ruins? Among other distant gem territory?

Aye, this troof is gonna be hard to explain. We just have locations, people. That’s it. They’re no special than the mini Galaxies from Super Mario Galaxy 2, only on Wii, Rated E for Everyone. A place can look cool and a population there can bring life to it, but they should have something for the characters to interact with and visibly wonder about what they might get into as they adapt and progress in some way. And by some way, I don’t mean insert plot devices that help make the characters do significant looking things, and I’ll get to that a bit later. But to sum it up, Steven Universe present locations, but those locations lack identity and coordination.

Stick around, Link, I might need your example

I got a short story to tell. True story. And this story provides my reason, above all else, for why Beach City doesn’t hold much water anymore when talking about world building, specifically after the show’s first season (or Full Disclosure).

There’s a comic book TV show called Preacher, premieres Mondays @ 9, only on AMC. Essentially it’s about a criminal turned Priest, possessed with a supernatural power, going on a cross country road trip to find the physical form of God with his his mate who’s also a vampire and his ex-girlfriend. Pretty vivid premise, but see for yourself. The first season however sets up the road trip where the priest, his ex, and vampire friend stay in a small town in Texas to not only introduce them, the power that the priest gets, and the type of humor throughout, but flesh out a few citizens they encounter pretty well in a thematically connected turnabout for ten episodes straight. All seems good.

Up until the entire town loses their minds, after losing all faith in belief, which eventually leads to a methane nuclear sized explosion that wipes out everybody except the three main characters who exited a few scenes before.

The End.

Now, let’s talk relevance. If I ran Steven Universe, and I don’t think I can, and I pulled 👆👆 that on Beach City at season 1′s end. Erase everything you’ve seen, every citizen will be forced to disappear except the major plot oriented characters, basically resetting the structure. If I did that, how much would it change? What would we really lose? The diverse Beach citizens that don’t and can’t do shit against the enemies we’ve see unless they’re forced to get involved in some way which rarely happens?

You can put as many people of color and as many personalities in your world all you want, but effort should also be put into not just making them NPC levels of value to the point where a reset button wouldn’t put much a dent to the “world building”. The worst part is that it’s not like Batman’s Gotham City or Spider-Man’s New York; places where the villains are plotting while they’re within city walls. Steven Universe’s enemies have to either be brought out somewhere (gem monsters, Lapis) or brought to (Jasper, that red Eye, Aqua and Topaz) Beach City for the place to provide any significant or value. So…

Just saying.

Now if the whole series was like season one with the non “To Be Continued”slice of life episodes, then it would’ve work. Phineas and Ferb, Foster’s Home, and Friendship is Magic has done this well with keeping their main location (The Foster House, Danville, Ponyville, etc.) as their central hubworld for casual stories with a venture outside of them from time to time. I would’ve been okay with Beach City being the spot for Steven and his limitless squad to grow together like Rebecca intended at first. Then I’m reminded that there’s an world expanding story in this, with bigger consequences and threaded arcs, and I’m stuck between investing in the many things they give me, complaining towards full episodes that add up to nothing and went nowhere special, and whining about the lack of reruns it gets on TV compared to Teen Titans GO.

Bottom line, you had/have your comic series to commit to your slice of life genre instead of trying to keep it in the show.

Now, I’m at a disadvantage here. If I want to talk about the actual “SCIENCE FANTASY WORLD BUILDING”, then I’ll have to talk about the Crystal Gems’ involvement in them and I can’t really do that. Luckily, I don’t have to, for SU has unintentionally played itself: when it comes to the Gem oriented locations outside Beach City, they tell but never really show. And turns out I don’t need Link’s example, but Samus Aran’s. Namely, her universe in the Metroid Prime series.

A key element to world building is the control and fun in exploration where you find and somewhat interact with aspects of an environment’s purpose and history while you’re on the go, giving the place more of an identity. Metroid Prime does this well where you journey through different parts of the Galaxy and with your scan visor, you can catalog and figure out the intricacies of the settings, the enemies within them, and info that seem trivial at first, but can offer much in progressing ahead in the game. Note the example before you…

And don’t stare deep into Samus’s blue eyes

Sure it’s an optional part of the game, and you can still trek on with or without having to continuously research the world’s lore, but it offers that versatility where you’re well in control in how to experience the game. Then again, this is a video game, where your skill in figuring things out is the only way to progress anything. What cartoon has this similar level of versatility? I mean, what else?

What else?

Gravity Falls may have stayed in one place, but it gives the characters and audience so much to explore and theorize on. They don’t tackle “everything” the world might have offered (bigfoot), but still give you so much to look out for without ever holding your hand or giving a cliffnotes version on a mystery of theirs. Hell, the fandom was hollering on Tumblr over predicting one of the show’s biggest mysteries being confirmed long before it aired. Hirsh didn’t just give those theory nuts what they wanted, his crew eased us in on how the narrative is taking a turn to someplace different and new without really forcing it on everybody. There was still that enjoyable sense of control that resonated in both the show’s direction and the audience’s experience.

I mean come on, this just oozes the moment of truth

Don’t get me wrong. The crewniverse offer very interesting locations and things that resonate with Gem stuff. My final problem with this is that when I think they might utilize these different places and things, they hold back to sharing but a glimpse of anything the show has plenty of utilizing potential for. Like…

Could this control room present more information about Homeworld’s plans for the gems than just the Cluster? “Probably not, it fulfilled its purpose. Let’s move on.”

What about these drills? Could we personally see how one works, like accidentally reactivate it to see how it functions? “Nah, they’re all dead. Let’s move on.”

Or what about the holes? Could we have some kind of flashback depicting how a gem leaps out the ground? “Nope.” Not even the off col- “NOPE.”

What’s that supposed to be? Is it something important to Homeworld? “We’ll get to that later. Let’s move on.”

Man, this place looks cool. Connie might consider this since she handles weapons and might want something new, like armor or throwing weapons. “Look man, this tour is scheduled. You’ve seen it, we’ll get back to it later. Moving right along.” This tour sucks. “You paid for it, my friend.”

Egoraptor said it best: I’m not witnessing an adventure, I’m a guest at their theme park. This is Kingdom Hearts levels of dragging it along, and I know… “But Monkey Network, they might come back to all that stuff soon. It’s called foreshadowing, you whiner.” To that, I say HA! There’s a huge difference between foreshadowing and giving us cameos. And that is in...

PRESENTATION!

Long story short, if it’s subtle and holds a threatening or vague presence, THAT’s foreshadowing. If it’s already out in the open and is not given a lot of screentime or detail, that’s cameo-ing and waiting for more. The last thing a show should do is hold back and have its audience wait like shoving a secret box in our face, and that’s all Steven Universe has been doing. That’s why so many rant about what’s filler or not. That’s why so many theorize on the most reaching of details. That’s why people proudly growl at what could be the crew’s simple decisions. Because when everything must come back to Beach City, post “Full Disclosure”, exploration can be limited, detail can be limited, and it’ll be up to the audience to speculate/construct the world-building for themselves, making the control and experience for the show feel one sided, therefore UNFAIR.

Like I said, the things I’ve seen offer so much to think about, but Rebecca Sugar sack could’ve done better with presenting them in a better light than a dim mode. The fate of Steven Universe’s future is a mystery to me, and I don’t know what they’re gonna cram in season 5 this fall. All I know is MJ (or Mystery Girl) is fine as fuck and we’re all gonna get something good eventually. My man Ian Jones-Quartey said good world building takes time, and they sure are taking their time.

POINT #4 - THE REPRESENTATION:

Representation in media can be easy when the right writers are at the helm to present (not push) a message of acceptance and acknowledgement towards an audience that may or may not feel the same way. It takes different strokes to rule the world, after all. However, when it comes to character in general, there are two factors in characterization that when used correctly can appeal their message of acceptance for their audience. One, visual acknowledgement of the representing characters (POC, LGBT, belief, etc.) in question and two, giving the subjects good quality participation to show that they are just as adept to the world as any other without phoning in the fact that they are this or that. Long story short, make ‘em good characters and the representation can earn the audience’s respect for itself. Steven U lacks this too, and this comes from them often showing us stuff and expecting us to just go with it, with themes that are enough just to get by fans. Hell, they show us as much as a drive by…

Not even a cool one at that, fresh

I’ll say this to start off: Lars Barriga (my neega) was a stagnant and frustrating character to deal with; nobody in Beach City moved him in any way (not even his own supporting parents), and the writers just shotgunned him growth (more than once) after he basically had to cheat death (more than once) to gain a better conscience. It’s like they wanted to call him a lost cause but had to hook him back in some way for the audience to not deem him a lost cause. So with all due respect, does it matter that he’s Filipino or a trans boy when nothing valuable or thoughtful has come from him especially? Those trivial tidbits can mostly come off as add ons or secondary nods, when they should’ve been welcomed knowledge about his character. Want an good example? Look to the comic series Lumberjanes, especially issues 14-17 and 28. SPOILERS, though…

They did this right for characters Jo and Barney (Jo’s the one in the 2nd panel, Barney’s in the first). They already established these two as well defined characters that make mistakes but are willing to get shit done for their friends by any means. The dialogue above is when Barney is thinking about joining the girl oriented scouts even when he’s considered a boy scout, wondering where does he want to belong. Jo gives him reassurance that she herself felt the same and just wants Barney to assert himself with what he wants to be like she did. And when he does later on, he’s accepted without any forced gratification and the writers gracefully accommodate this to not only make him (now “them”) a good addition to the story’s world, but a welcoming new perspective.

The representation is therefore earned, not just shown off

Now I’d talk further on other characters like Lars, but that would be singing the same beats as my previous piece on world building and would spoil notes on the final 2 parts I’m working on now. Instead, the gems are another reason why the rep-pres-sen-tation in SU is nothing but small fractured penny in the gold mine that is anything else going on, with fusion diminishing the relationship representation of Steven U; however you may see it. Now excuse me… this is the hardest part of my job.

Criticizing love

Garnet is not a good embodiment of Ruby and Sapphire’s love; Ruby and Sapphire is. I would love to see Ruby and Sapphire being together and showing me why they decided to elope, but I can’t because Garnet is a curtain that metaphorically and literally covers said love from having anything more to say than “HELL YEAH WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”. You could say ‘Keystone Motel’offered some adversity for the two, but knowing Steven U, it didn’t feel like much beyond me knowing they’re getting back together in the end because they love each other and they just go back to being Garnet because she’s the personification of their love and such.

Fusion is something I have a disdain for now because they’re exchanging two characters’ development of united growth for basically an entirely new/different character, that don’t have much screen time or development anyways (vice versa in Flourite’s case). You could say ‘Know your Fusion’ presented an evolution for Smokey Quartz, among the other known fusions, to being more than a versatile fighter, but not really no. We were already aware that Steven and Amethyst were acknowledged sad sacks before they fused, so what else does this fusion offer differently than in their ability? As for Sardonyx, she hasn’t changed from her first cameo awhile back and her vanity was the only thing that made her stand out in said episode. All in all, fusion doesn’t reflect a relationship, no matter how hard Rebecca Suge Knight is saying otherwise, it reflects an aftermath; one that’s in and out as a firework. This and up ‘til now, the real couples we see are pretty general or under the rug. To show how the most mentioned and presented couple in the series, RubyXSapphire, has continuously got the shaft, I present the one dynamic you’d least expect: A boy and his stuffed toy.

My personally favorite example so far.

Calvin and Hobbes is a series about boy Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes that comes to life through Calvin’s imagination. Reality is like Garnet in this case, where it’s just Calvin having his stuffed animal around to get into zany hijinks like any other kid his age. Then again, the imagination or the living Hobbes is whom is given more of a focus, allowing their dynamic to bloom in a way that wouldn’t be understood if we just saw Calvin just talking to his toy the whole time. It makes their bond feel real and that’s what RubyxSapphire should be, giving them the floor in a way that adds up to Garnet’s eventual debut. “But Monkey Network, what about ‘The Answer’?” The Answer is an episode that, while sweet and good looking, literally danced over much necessary development in favor of only showing us how they eventually stuck to being Garnet forever. Not saying Garnet doesn’t have any character herself, but her integral backstory was/is one of the most beloved and talked about in terms of relationships, yet little has actually been given to us beyond face value and basic understanding and the writers have generally avoid pressing this any further. In a way, that episode diminishes the representation of real queer relationships, bogging it down to early Disney romances like Snow White’s, and practically blindfolds us about what we want to see vs what we should be seeing.

And I already got cute girls not kissing last year. It’s the current fucking year

I would talk about all the other canonning “ships” but nothing comes to mind other than the gems are getting along better than before, Mystery Girl is still fine as fuck, Steven and Connie are bound to elope since it’s been presented since the beginning, Lapis and Peridot get along as college roommates, Lapis might still have issues after Malachite happened, Jasper regrets nothing, Topaz sounds cool from the little we got of them, and everything has amounts to having a sob story and/or a recollection of thoughts just to say “Hey, we’re good together”. They implicitly share infatuation and good vibes to each other, but nothing to say their themes of LGBT, relationships, and characterization are groundbreaking. The latter I’ll get to next time. I mean anybody can put effort into writing a genuine romance novel, though it takes more effort to push the romance to challenging means without leaving skeptics at the door, something Sugar has been very casual about and is starting to openly show in the show. That and tears. Because you know what they say, open emotions are better than emotional maturity. Isn’t that right, TV?

Don’t get me wrong. Rebecca Sugarbark is out here doing her darndest as…

CARTOON. NETWORK’S. FIRST. FEMALE. ANIMATED. SERIES. CREATOR!

and when she does themes right, the show provides some good things to think about. But when she muddles them up or casually throws them in, especially when these themes come from the different aspects of what makes a person different yet real, it is unforgivable. And when people of all ages are watching this, thinking with their living ideologies about what could be used to think differently? This makes for a very risky tightrope that can lead to either people taking it appropriately or blindly, good and bad alike. I can only hope that as the show goes on, there are less assumptions and implications from both the show and the audience alike and more assertions and certainty that elements like representation of any kind are brought to a more applied approach than a glanced approach.

AND STEVEN - POINT #5:

What makes a great character? Charm? Growth? Badassery? Nah, it’s the struggle son. To cheaply quote Pixar: “You admire a character more for trying more than for their successes.” And while Steven does try, does he really fail? Let’s look back. He has three skillful and powerful guardians that care for him. He has a father who is filthy rich (’member that). He has a sweet ass pad. Everyone that knows him likes/respects him. He has powers retained from his mother. He has a lion for a pet. He redeemed/helped three of what were once his enemies. He has a best friend that joins in the action with a sword. He clearly has the capable knowledge of reaching out to anyone. He’s outdone death more than once. He’s practically invulnerable (see “Steven vs. Amethyst”). Everyone that doesn’t like him could eventually see his way with good convincing and a middle road to come to (except Kevin). While there are things he needs to do and characters that’ll he have to confront sooner or later, I’ve started to think less of how he’ll succeed and more of when he’ll succeed. I’m thinking less of who he is and more of what he is. Here’s what I mean…

I don’t see Star Butterfly as an upbeat, independent, cocky, and enduring magical princess who loves rainbows and puppies and struggles to balance fun, romance, and responsibility in one go. I see an up and coming teenage princess that’ll defeat all the evil, hook up with her friend Marco, and claim the title of Mewni’s Queen while doing it all her way.

And I don’t see the JoJo bloodline as a group of distinct protagonists that have their own goals and passions all the while seeking justice against the evil that surrounds them. I see the main characters of 8 different parts that have the ability to defeat the final enemy at the end.

It’s the “Man of Steel” effect; when you do nothing but show how Steven is becoming like or better than Rose, it takes away from letting Steven see who he really is and wants to be. Season one did Steven good (begrudging to say, I know) where he was devious, self-centered, and oblivious but basically was a goofball kid with a good heart; like Ash Williams from Evil Dead. Halfway in and they basically took that away in favor of him just being the pacifistic hippie boy scout that doesn’t want to do wrong or hurt anybody and wants to be a better version of his mama and… and…zzzzzzz. Yeah, I don’t know how to put this, but Steven is now as good of a main character as a sheet of paper. Like, on paper he had potential, but as paper he’s pretty ineffective.

Hell, even paper can show you wonders

“But Monkey Network, he’s a character that goes through many hardships and has a lot on his mind and is going through plenty like most people.” Yes he is, but he’s really done nothing to better himself. “Mindful Education” brings this up, but immediately sweeps it clean in favor of a song about trauma (ironic) and giving Connie more of the floor. And “Storm in the Room” perfectly captures how flat his guilt complex really is…

This episode could’ve given Steven a better perspective on what he wants to be, how he should see Rose, and how things in his life will change from that point on. No, it amounted to saying Rose wasn’t in the wrong for anything (clearly a lie) and Steven being basically gaslighted to believe that he’ll be around to fix what she didn’t do herself, never stating how he should go about doing so. He has guilt and unsure regrets, and yet now nothing feels like things for him are getting any better through his efforts. Knowing that he’s basically Jesus, I am stunned I don’t see him curing every ill-ridden human on the planet and is instead trying to make peace with everything that wants him dead. Also, if I wanted a show that mirrors the possible regret and turmoil I force myself to suffer with everyday, weed and a literal mirror would create a similar effect. And all this leads to–

“But Monkey Network, he’s at least a pacifist who tries. He only wants to share peace and enlightenment to everyone he meets and that includes those who are trying to defeat them.” True, but there is something called “being pushed to a limit”. Yeah I see Steven stand up for himself while choosing not to hit anybody, but there are some people that don’t deserve anything but a good blow to the face. We see Steven get angry and mean, but has he really been pushed to a limit?

Mob Psycho 100 (Ep. 3) A limit that, while possessing regretting, let’s one know they can be a force to be reckoned with?

Trigun: Badlands Rumble A limit that forces them to take immense action without breaking their code of pacifistic honor?

I mean there’s being a pacifist, and there’s being an peaceful spouting wimp I can whup easily before somebody beats me up to stop it. The point of having pacifism in a show is the counterpoint where that ideology’s being tested and momentous reactions result from it. Yeah, he showed sheer ire towards Kevin in that one episode but that was it, and that was a one off excursion with the only irredeemable character in the series. Now I know violence is not always the answer and this isn’t suppose to be a violent show, whatever, but violence is present more than enough times in this show. So I must topically ask, what was stopping Steven from five knuckle shuffling Aquamarine when he clearly had the chance to, freeing his friends and getting the chance to escape their clutches? There’s the peaceful route, and there’s showing us nothing.

Boy must have a weak ass jab

“But Monkey Network, he has development and growth with this being a coming-of-age story.” True dat, but to an extent. I’ve noticed that when it comes to Steven Universe’s development, everyone is given development with Steven tagging behind. Connie, Amethyst, Pearl, Peridot, Lapis, Lars, you see them learning and growing on the front lines, but Steven’s been kinda consistent wouldn’t you say? I mean, he does grow in seeing many different perspectives, but does he really grow with the said varied perspectives or does he just acknowledge them while doing his usual helping routine to try making things better? You know who is a better main character than Steven? Well….

You could get with this^Or you could get with thatv

Wouldn’t you agree? They’re forced to look out of their comfort zone, they make mistakes but see to getting back up, they grow to understand how this new world works and take it to heart, they’re not mopey little shits and constantly take initiative, still having a lot to learn, and I find their voices less annoying than Steven’s. Okay, that last part is a preference but still.

I’ll say Steven’s a fine protagonist, but he’s a boring protagonist to sum it up. Nothing about him makes me want to care anymore and while I look towards new episodes, all I can do now is tolerate him. They could do better with season 5 upping the ante, but at this point I’m more invested in the world of Steven Universe than Steven himself, and that is sad. You know your cartoon is crumbling where your world generally revolves around the main character and said MAIN CHARACTER is whack! Rebecca Sugar Schnapps and her crew just better git good this season; because it can look good and sound good as long as it wants, but it needs to feel good to be a real show, you feel me?

And that’s my Troof. The whole and nothing but. Thank you <3 Roy M.

[backseatstorytime]

10/31/2016, 6:05pm - riding waves.

Before I begin, you might be wondering why there was a sudden jump from mid-September to Halloween. I've been thinking on it, and I decided not to write everything out in chronological order. There isn't really anything that necessitates everything to be in order, at least not here, so I figured I'd allow myself the luxury to write about whatever story felt right for the time.

If you'd want to follow the stories chronologically, I'm leaving the date and time in the title and you can sort the posts out alphanumerically. Otherwise, please do enjoy these time travel adventures, and as always, thank you endlessly for reading and for your support.

Oh, and also as always—Names, dates, times, and specific details have been modified to protect my riders' privacy. If you have reason to believe that your story is being told and you'd prefer it not to be shared, please message me and I'll be more than happy to take it down.

Jokes have an incredibly short life expectancy. While some can live for way past their lifespan, most jokes are beaten to death right out of the gates. The rise and popularity of memes, these widespread jokes that everyone manages to catch one way or the other on the internet, combined with the speed of communication and transfer via the internet allows for people to spread jokes within hours. The consequence of this, however, is that jokes get played out as quickly as they surface. Harambe, for example, was an incident so strange that it was hard not to find the overwhelming if not completely sardonic support funny. The whole #DicksOutForHarambe was so absurd that I couldn't help but find it hilarious. It was funny when the jokes started to surface, and it was funny for maybe a few weeks after the meme made its journey around the world. Past that, it started to stagnate and stale. Within a month and a half or so, Harambe became a lazy word that people would throw into a mad lib hoping it would get a cheap laugh. It's a month into 2017, and no one talks about Harambe anymore.

Jokes don't live long. They're waves in the ocean—they rise, they crash, they resurge, and they return to the gentle ebb and flow of water. Good jokes rise to unbelievable heights with an awesome impact. They die down and may have an aftershock leading into another hysterical uproar, but after a certain point, they go from being the greatest thing ever to being "so last week," so to say. Such is life; we hear, we laugh, we move on.

There's a reason why a good chunk of famous comedians are how they are—comedians are storytellers. They know the right words to use, when to pause, which phrases to inflect. Most importantly, they know exactly at what point the joke is no longer funny. They know when it's slowing down, what can  keep the joke going, and when to end the joke. If jokes are waves in the oceans, comedians are the surfers. They ride, they weave through the flumes and channels, and they take control of the wave.

Obviously you don't need to be a famous comedian to know how to do this. I know a handful of people who can stretch a joke far without hitting the breaking point, but I don't think I have ever met anyone who could do that like Laurence.

I was a little wary of driving on a holiday, especially Halloween. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but I figured that it was going to be a hectic evening, at least traffic-wise. I pulled over to a residential area, put on a Halloween playlist, turned my app on, and waited.

Halloween was pretty quiet. Usually I don't have to wait longer than twenty minutes to get a ping, but I was there for about half an hour before I got a call from a guy named Laurence. I drove by St. Joseph's into the TV studio district of Burbank and picked up a gentleman with a cane. He hobbled over, I got out of the car to help him, and off we went.

Laurence was an actor. He said he primarily did commercials and voiceovers, and he finished with a fairly nice gig. He lived in the heart of LA with three other housemates, and while he said he was on the border of living as a starving artist, it seemed like he was happy where he was.

Traffic was piling up, partly because of parents taking their kids to go trick or treating but mostly because of adults wanted to get out of dodge and home as soon as possible. As we drove down Alameda and we passed by a ton of kids in costumes, he told me,

"I'll let you know ahead of time, I give you full permission to run over any of these little shits if they get in our way."

There's the wave.

I laughed. I thought that things were going to end there, but he rode that wave and made the most of it.

"I mean, come on, everyone is dressed like a monster today, how am I supposed to know the difference?!" "Oh I'm sorry officer, I thought that if I drove right through that ghost, I would just phase right past it!" "I thought that kid dressed like a werewolf was roadkill!"

He was riffing off various scenarios, and something about his delivery made it never not funny. As I laughed around ten quips later, I turned on Cahuenga and Laurence rode off the wave. He told me that a left was coming up in about a mile, and he started telling me about how every single driver he's gone with would get in a left lane to prep for the left when all the lanes had a legal left turn. "It's the weirdest thing! I always tell them, 'Oh, you can use any of the lanes to turn left,' but every single one of them gets to the left!" He talked this through and I listened through it until I realized I went straight on the street I was supposed to make a left on.

"W-wait, what... wha... did you just..."

And at this point I was apologizing profusely, but Laurence started laughing.

"I literally spent the last five minutes talking about turning left! Then we get to the turn and you go everywhere but left!"

I was still apologizing between laughs, and he spent the entire time of me U-turning ragging on me.

"I mean... did I give the right direction? I was saying left, right? Left!" "Look, if you just wanted to take me off the trail and make out with me in a back alley, you could've just asked! I'm not a difficult man to please!"

He was having a good time at my expense, and honestly I was having a pretty good time, too. Laurence said not to even worry about it, that everyone makes mistakes, but he didn't fail to let me know that that was the funniest mistake he'd ever seen. As I made the U-turn and turned right, he began:

"Okay, now on the LEFT, you're going to see the freeway entrance. When you see it on your LEFT, you're going to turn LEFT. Not right, not straight, LEFT. Now, which way are you turning?" "L-left!" "YA GODDAMN RIGHT, BOY."

I was still laughing at this as he started talking about various things. We talked about Fleetwood Mac, about George Clooney as Batman, about expensive homes and how the toilets better be flushing sparkling water at the prices they're selling houses. Each time he brought up a new topic, he rode a new wave. He knew which moments to tell jokes, how to deliver and ride out jokes, and when to move on. He was so good at this that I hadn't realized an hour had passed on the trip and that we were about ten minutes away from his place. He told me,

"Alright. So we're going to be turning on Chico. Once we pass it, you're gonna see shit change. You won't see these million dollar homes and kids in costumes anymore, you're gonna be seeing chain link fences and kids who're dressing up on Halloween as lower class kids who can't afford a costume. So if you're ever looking for a place to move to, don't look past Chico. If you don't wanna get shot or mugged, don't go past Chico. If you have any shred of love for yourself, don't go past Chico. Now, what lessons have we learned today?"

"Turn left and don't go past Chico?"

"YA GODDAMN RIGHT, BOY."

We got to Chico and he started to point out where the line between Chico and the rest of LA. "Don't be fooled by that Chipotle on the street corner! Once you pass this plaza and turn, things start to look a little less clean around here."

"Oh, so is it like Haunted Mansion in Disneyland where it makes like a change from elegant to haunted?"

For the first time on the hour long car ride, Laurence went quiet.

Did I say something wrong? Was Disneyland a bad example? The silence was unnerving since we'd been nonstop talking the whole trip.

"Disneyland."

Finally, a word. But he didn't sound pleased.

"DISNEYLAND???"

Nope. Not pleased at all.

"Boy, do I look like I can afford Disneyland? You know what a guy like me gotta do to afford Disneyland?!"

And there went the last wave, rising higher and higher.

"You know how many organs I gotta sell to go to Disneyland?!" "That's why I ain't having no kids, I'm gonna have to sacrifice one of them just to get in the park!" "I'll be asking Satan, 'Ey boy, you got Venmo? What you take, cash? Check? Firstborn child?'" "You know how many virgins I gotta throw down in a volcano to afford a ticket to Disneyland?" "I ran outta virgins and I started throwing dogs down there! One of these bitches gotta be a virgin, dammit!"

He went off. His jokes were dark, unruly, and, frankly, hilarious. He rode that wave all the way home, and by the time he got out of the car, I was still laughing on the way home. Apparently he had a great time as well, because he gave me a $5 tip.

That Halloween trip has been one of my favorite trips to date. It was nonstop conversation and jokes, and I think I spent the whole trip laughing. I finished driving after that one trip simply because I wanted to end the night on a high note.

It's always rare to meet people with that innate sense of delivery and humor. I'm sure he's practiced and mastered the craft after a while, but that doesn't make it any less impressive. This has always been my go-to story when people ask about funny moments driving, and I'm glad I got to share it here.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for riding this crazy wave with me.