#I don’t know when this crack au came to be but I’ve been meaning to draw something related to it for so long

[critterishere]

this the collab of the century!?!?!?

[moonhoures]

All Of Me

🕷️ kinktober — day 7: breeding kink / creampie 🕸️

pairing: jooheon (monsta x) + reader (afab/fem)

genre: idol!au, mild angst, fluff, smut

warnings: 18+, minors do not interact, explicit smut, established relationship, unprotected sex, creampie, mention of pregnancy (but no actual pregnancy), mention of joo’s military enlistment

word count: ~2.1k

synopsis: you and your idol bf tenderly enjoy one more night together before his enlistment

a/n: dedicating this to my fav jooheon stan @carronpatrick 💕 hope you enjoy it 🫂 also, there’s not much of a breeding kink aspect to this, i’ve realized, so i removed that from the tagline 🙃

posted: october 7, 2023

kinktober masterlist

So here it was. The day you had been dreading ever since you and Jooheon first started dating. On top of dealing with the hardships of dating an idol—a very successful and famous one at that—you also had to deal with his leaving for military service. He reminded you of it every once in a while, and for the longest time it felt so far away. But now the day had arrived on your doorstep with no remorse, no empathy.

“Don’t look so sad,” your boyfriend tried to lighten the mood as you two sat at the edge of your bed. He had come over to spend the night with you and pick up some of his things from your apartment. He was set to leave for his enlistment two days from now, so this was the last day you had him all to yourself until he would go, “Eighteen months will pass faster than you think. And it’s not like we won’t be able to see or talk to each other.”

“I know,” you put all your energy into speaking with no sign of distress, but your voice betrayed you with a wobble. Jooheon frowned a little, resting his arm around your shoulders as you started to sniffle and tears pricked at your eyes.

“I’ll talk to you as often as I can. That’s a promise. You remember I made you that promise the first year we dated,” he reminded you of that night. Of course, the memory was engrained in your mind like a movie you had just seen yesterday—most of your memories with him were. You recalled you two sitting on the couch, sipping on some beer and eating take-out. He had just finished a media run for Monsta X’s most recent comeback, and he had finally got a night off to spend with you. The topic of his enlistment came up and brought down the mood, but somehow Jooheon always knew what to say to make you feel better.

“_________, I promise, on everything I own and love, that during my enlistment I will use any means and any time I have to talk to you, first and foremost,” even a little tipsy, with his hands jokingly on his chest and in the air (respectively), he managed to say those words so sincerely. You had no choice but to trust his words back then. And even now, you trusted him with everything you had.

“I feel so dumb for crying. It’s not like you’re leaving forever,” you wiped your eyes with the back of your hands, and the smallest smile finally cracked your lips when his laugh sounded from beside you.

“Exactly,” he said, “I’ll be back sooner than you think. And I’ll be sure to set aside lots of time just for us. Just for you,” he corrected himself, pressing a kiss to your head. When you looked up at him, his eyes softened at the redness and teariness in your own. His hand reached up to hold your chin still while he leaned down to give you a tender kiss.

It was a wonder that Jooheon always knew what to say in every situation, but especially without saying anything at all. It was like he spoke with his body language too. Because the kiss he gave you then seemed to whisper it’ll be okay. His other hand holding your waist assured you i’ll always be here when you need me, even if i’m not physically here. The way he rested his forehead against yours after pulling away said i’ll always be yours.

“When you get back-” you started speaking tentatively, and to your surprise, your words came out more confident than before, “-we’re not leaving this bed for a few days, at least. You understand?”

His brows raised and his dimples made an appearance as he chuckled. He nodded, biting his lip subtly before replying, “I was already planning on that. Make sure you have the condoms stocked when I get back.”

As he leaned in for another kiss, your hands were holding onto the fabric of his shirt, feebly attempting to keep him closer, “But I wanna feel you when you get back. Not latex.”

You tried not to smirk against his lips when you felt a low rumble from his chest into his throat.

“Fuck, don’t get me started, _______,” he whined, his hand already going back to your face. His fingers caressed your jaw as his eyes traced between your eyes and lips. Everything in him was begging to have you in that moment.

“Come on, Joo. One more time before you go?” you breathed out against his cheek in between the kisses you pressed to it.

You could feel his breathing getting heavier, and one glance at his lap let you know he was at least considering it. You tested the waters by leaning down and kissing under his jaw, his weak spot. You hummed, “Please.”

Your boyfriend merely groaned in response before he was taking your face in his hands, bringing your lips to his in an abrupt, smashing kiss. He took control easily, you always melted into putty in his hands. You molded to him in any way he manipulated you. He had eased you onto your back, your thighs at the edge of the bed as he continued to make out with you fervently.

Despite how tender and careful he was in his touches, there was an underlying, waiting sense of ferociousness. Like he was waiting for the perfect moment to unleash on you. And you couldn’t wait for the moment to come. You tried to coax it from him, using your fingers to grip at his back. You urged him closer with the rocking of your hips, with the nudging of your feet against his ass. He simply chuckled at your attempts, finding you cute when you were so desperate for him.

He whispered sweet nothings to you as you both discarded your clothing, utters of how beautiful you looked. How good you would feel. How he already couldn’t wait to come back even though he hadn’t left yet. Before the sadness could settle in you again, you were moaning at the feeling of his bare cock resting over your pelvis. His lips peppered kisses all over your chest as his hand pumped his erection in preparation for you. He smiled to himself when you started to move your hips up, quietly exhorting him to fuck you.

“Are the condoms still in the drawer?” he asked you, starting to peel himself away so he could go get them.

You stopped him, hands holding onto his biceps for dear life, “We don’t need to use them. If this is the last time we do this before you go, I want to feel you, Jooheon. Just you.”

Your boyfriend’s dick twitched, and he leaned back down to capture your lips again. He was so whipped for you. His heart skipped a beat when he felt your body pressed up against his. When he heard the sounds you made for him. When he felt how wet you were already. His fingertips swiped up your slit, and he relished in the airy moans you let out before he circled your clit.

“I can’t wait to feel you wrapped around me,” he said, watching your resolve crumble beneath his touch, “It’s been so long since we did it raw.”

It was; over a year, in fact. And it nearly didn’t happen at all. The two of you were getting hot and heavy in his car one day on a road trip, and had gotten to the best part before realizing neither of you had a condom on you. After a minute of panic, you decided to say fuck it and went through with your actions anyway. But you lived in anxiety afterwards. You weren’t really nervous about getting pregnant with Jooheon’s kid, though being pregnant at all did make your stomach sink. But you were more so nervous about tarnishing Jooheon’s career and/or reputation. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you were the cause of such turmoil. Luckily, you didn’t fall pregnant, but you two swore not to do it with condom again until you were both sure that’s what you wanted to do. Now just felt right.

“I want to feel you,” you repeated eagerly, getting impatient. You could feel him lining up at your entrance, his hand still stroking his erection.

“You’ll feel me, baby. All of me.”

Boy, did you. You sucked in a breath as he sunk between your folds, filling you to the brim with his thick length. You watched his face screw up with a disgruntled expression as he felt your tight walls constrict him. He forgot how good you felt like this.

“Holy shit,” he grunted.

You smiled, urging him to start thrusting by pulling on his waist with your hands. Your nails lightly dug into his skin. He hissed while he pulled out, barely keeping his tip in before thrusting back into you slowly. His hips bucked into yours in a growing rhythm. Heavy breaths and the sounds of wet kissing surrounded you two. It was like the two of you made lustful music when you made love. That’s what it always was with him. “Fucking” didn’t sound right to Jooheon. If he was going to have sex with you, he was going to pour in every ounce of his love and appreciation for you that he could muster.

He drilled into you, but his lips were soft and smooth in the way they touched your body, wherever they could reach. He made sure to tell you how good you made him feel and how well you took him. Little did you know that it was mostly because he could feel the effect it had on you. Every touch, every kiss, every word had your insides fluttering, your pussy clenching on him as if he would disappear if you didn’t. In a way, he was going to disappear, you supposed.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” you pouted, feeling that sinking sensation in your stomach as you felt tears welling up in your eyes again.

Jooheon’s hips faltered as he made eye contact with you. His orbs began to mirror yours briefly before he pulled himself together. He continued to thrust into you, softer than before, “I’ll miss you so much more, trust me. I’m gonna think about you every second of every day. Gonna count down the minutes until I can see you again.”

“Joo,” you moaned as you felt your climax building in your lower belly. Your leg muscles were tensing up from the impending sensation.

“Baby,” he whimpered, on the brink of his own release. This was the only bad part of not using a condom; you felt too good. There was no way in hell he could last as long as he usually did. All he could do was hope that you would want round two, and maybe a round three, or four . . .

“Want you to cum inside.”

“I will,” he nodded, eyelids closing tight as he shuddered. He was so close, “Gonna take it all?”

“Mhm,” you hugged around his shoulders, drawing him close until his forehead was on yours. He pressed a haphazard kiss to your nose out of passion, and you chuckled softly.

“Fuc-“ he couldn’t even finish before he was cumming, painting your core. He shook under your touch, his strength wavering under the weight of his orgasm. “Holy shit, that feels so good. You feel so good. I wish you could feel this the way I do.”

Your head was spinning from the way he talked you through it. You could only moan out his name as you came after him, his warmth filling you up sending you over the edge, “Oh my God.”

“That’s it,” he kissed your neck, then he leaned down to hug you properly. It felt oddly nice having his body weight on you, like a comforting blanket.

You would miss this. Not just the love-making, but all of it. Him. You would miss him. It was hard enough being away from him most days due to his job, but having him be unavailable for long periods of time was going to be a form of hell. All you wanted to do was have him like this all the time. All to yourself. You wanted to be able to kiss him and hold him whenever you felt like it. You didn’t want to worry about him up and leaving at any time for any reason. You wanted to have him completely. Was it still selfishness if it was out of pure, uncontainable love?

“Eighteen months,” you didn’t realize you had said it out loud until Jooheon pulled away to regard you with a crestfallen nod.

“Eighteen months,” he confirmed. You prayed that it would be the fastest year and six months of your life.

— taglist #1

@jaylaxies @xiaoting999 @kookthief @zaddywilk @wonrangwoo @pedriswrld @ikykleeknowww @abby-grace @odisdad @jungwonloveer @pinklemonadeflav @celestialplatinum @luvkpopp @nlklstan @kisses4denji @jenos-eye-smiles @a-l-i-y-a @channiesprincess @bekah931215 @heerinnie @fairygirl18 @cinnikoi @im-ur-calico-cat @unlikelysublimekryptonite

[fancyfeathers]

Hi so this is my First time asking so im a huge of zhongli Fan and if in that au we were like wanting to Go out without him how would he react ?

Time Alone

You sat at the table, by the window in your home in Liyue Harbor, looking over the city. Your husband sat across from you, his finger tracing the rim of his empty tea cup.

“Zhongli…”

“Hm, yes my love?”

Your eyes traced the outline of the buildings, shops, and stalls. You have been out in the city with your husband a number of times, it was a common if not daily occurrence for the two of you, but always together. With the upcoming event of the Rite of Descension your husband will be quite busy, addressing how Liyue is to be run for the next year. For you this time normally meant you were often sent off to Jueyun Karst and placed under the care of the Adepti while your husband addresses the mortals of Liyue. It was so lonely for those days, the adepti watched over Liyue and while they cared about you deeply they did not exactly have the time to give you company, you were sent there so nothing would happen to the wife of Rex Lapis when he was to busy to protect you even if you didn’t need protection, it was just a way to keep you from running off.

“I was wondering…um…” You left yourself grow nervous as your husband gave you his full attention, his golden eyes felt like they were staring right into your soul. You swallowed the lump in your throat and just bit the bullet. “I was wondering if I could stay in Liyue Harbor during the Rite of Descension, please?”

“My love-“

“Please, it’s been over two thousand years since I’ve done anything on my own…”

“Beloved-“

“Don’t get me wrong I get along with the adepti just fine, especially Mountain Shaper and Cloud Retainer, maybe not Moon Carver so much, but it gets so lonely especially when I know the people of Liyue are celebrating and I can’t see them during it-“

“(Name)!”

Your husband raising his voice, not quite yelling, made you fall silent and almost shrink in your chair. Your eyes glued down on the tea cup in your hands, almost scared to look up at your husband as your heard him sigh. His hand came up to gently tilt your head and make you look at him. “It is dangerous to leave you alone, without anyone to protect you.”

“Zhongli please, just because I’m not as strong as you doesn’t mean I’m helpless, I’m still a goddess.” You said, still trying to convince him who was clearly unsure still. “Besides even then this city doesn’t know who I am, I doubt a Fatui Harbinger or an Abyss Herald will come after the wife of a funeral parlor worker.”

That made Zhongli crack a smile and chuckled which gave you hope, and rightfully so.

“Very well, I will see what we can arrange.” Zhongli stood up as he continued talking, picking up the tea set to clean. “I could perhaps find a way to have myself or someone else check on you.”

“Thank you, thank you so much Zhongli.” You sprang up and almost without thinking about it you sprang up and hugged him, leaning across the small table, wrapping your arms around him. He nearly dropped the tea set as he set it down to hug you back, a smile coming across his face at your joy that felt so rare to him these days.

[seuonji]

彡 the lyrics — choi seungcheol

—in which fans find out yn’s lyrics are about someone they know. not even her fellow members knew this but anyways, now their concern is, who’s the lyrics about?

part 1 ๑ part 2 ๑ part 3 ๑ part 4 ๑ part 5

song inspo— cheetah by deux visages

genre ๑ fluff & crack

notes ๑ band au! short smau. written chapter + some social media captures + a fun fact at the end!!

word count ๑ 1k

you came back from the washroom, swinging your hands to dry them, “wanna watch a movie or play a game?” you asked.

seungcheol was seated on your desk chair, still on his phone. if you peeked over you’d be able to see him typing gibberish in his chat with jeonghan and joshua. in his head, he thought of 30 different ways he could run away from this situation, but he knew if he left your place tonight without doing anything right now, he’d regret it.

“cheol?” you sat on your bed just across him.

“huh sorry?” he closed his phone.

“what do you wanna do?”

cheol knew what he wanted to say but also he didn’t.

but it suddenly spilled out.

“the lyrics,” he looked directly at you.

your heart dropped, “what about it?”

“who are they about? we were talking about it earlier but you never answered properly,” he recalled. you’ve never heard him speak with so much uncertainty before.

he saw the look of hesitation you had on your face. “what bad will it do if you reveal it,” he laughed softly trying to fill the silence.

it could go very bad. it could cost you your band, your career but that’s not what the problem was. it was bad because it could cost you your friendship with the person you cared about the most.

but what could you do about it, the cat was practically out the bag at this point.

“you,” you stiffly blurted.

you’d think cheol’s heart would start racing from hearing that but it’s been racing since he came to your place.

he covered his mouth, hiding his reaction. it’s the same reaction he had when he read the ‘cheol’ written in your diary, not like you’d know. “the lyrics are about me?” he asked to make sure but on your side, the words felt like a huge slap on your face.

you nodded in response.

“even our last song?”

“all of them are about you.”

that’s all he needed to hear to regain his confidence. of course he wasn’t happy to know the last song was about him, however with knowing the many other songs that exist in your discography was also about him, it felt a little good.

he rushed into a hug with you. you two stayed like that until he spoke again. “so you liked me?” he asked, still hugging you.

you didn’t answer so he parted from the hug. he kneeled on the floor and faced you, cupping your hands in his, “sorry that was a bold question.”

you were frozen still but his words thawed you,

“i’ll be honest, i like you, i like you so much, i like you right now and i’m sorry i never made that clear. after listening to the lyrics of our latest song, it feels like i’ve blown my chances with you.”

you finally looked at him in the eyes. “blown your chances?” you repeated confused.

“oh, do i still have a chance? does that means you still like me?”

cheol took note of the way you were quieter than usual. he gets it, it’s a hard topic to talk about but he wanted to get the ball rolling. he felt, there was a chance for you two. he saw something in your eyes, something that said you weren’t ready to let go of what could be and he felt the same way.

“damn, you can admit the songs are about me but you can’t admit you like me?“ he joked.

you chuckled softly, “some things are easier said in other forms.”

he smiled at your indirect confession but he still had more he wanted to understand. “well that last song you wrote sounds like you were getting tired of the person. as much as i love the song, how did you wind up writing those lyrics?” he asked, genuinely curious.

“i don’t know, you never made a move or showed any interest. but looking at it now, it’s my fault, i took it too quickly as a rejection.”

he placed his forehead on your hands, “it’s not your fault, we both were running away from what was just right in front of us.”

“yea,” you whispered quietly, agreeing with what he said.

his head was still rested on you and he continued, “i don’t know if you still like me, especially not after our last song but if ever you have even the slightest bit of feelings left or even none! i want to give you my all.”

you felt so weak and overwhelmed from all that was happening. for you, it was going too fast but something told you, it all might turn out okay.

you placed your head on his, “first, let me recover from all the heartburn.”

his head perked up, “huh?”

“i still like you but you dropped a bomb on me. let me recover,” you sat on the floor with him, still having your hands in his.

“you’ve been dropping bombs on me since 2 years ago!?” he squeezed your hands, implying the lyrics were the bombs.

“that is such an invalid comeback, also, 2 years and you only noticed now! honestly you didn’t even notice, you had to find out from our fans that the lyrics were about you!” you squeezed back.

“you daydream alot the lyrics couldve been those fake scenarios you make in your head,” he said moving his face closer to yours.

that line sounded too familiar.

“have you discussed this who my lyrics were about with jeonghan and joshua?”

“no. why? should i?”

“no.” you firmly said.

he just nodded and didn’t question it. regardless, he was too fulfilled with the current situation.

there was a long pause until cheol broke the silence.

“so after you recover, we can date?” he asked, tilting his head.

“yea sure.”

“also you have to tell me your thought process of all the lyrics you’ve written.”

you grunted at the request and laid on his lap, “don’t push your luck, if you can’t understand the songs that means you don’t pay enough attention when we’re together.” he scoffed and laughed, “you use hidden meanings and metaphors, it is not my fault if i can’t understand them!”

+

๑ cheol has asked you the meanings of your lyrics before but when he felt like the lyrics were starting to seem like they were about jeonghan, he stopped asking.

[batwritings]

I thought of this a couple days ago, and I CANNOT stop thinking about it. I saw people making fanfictions about a COD werewolf au.. and it got me thinking about Soap in particular.

Hear me out. Soap’s a werewolf, and the afab-gn! reader is his longtime best friend. Soap hasn’t had anyone to help him with his rut for YEARS, but eventually, his fellow soldier and best friend gets tired of seeing him so overwhelmed, and agrees to help him. Bonus points if they have secret feelings for each other.

Eventually, Soap’s got the reader pinned down, and he’s just taking all of his sexual frustration out on them. He means well- but he fails to notice the fact that they’re a whiny mess, struggling to take his knot and handle his roughness. After thoroughly ruining his darling reader, he feels bad, and makes up for it by cuddling them and giving them legendary aftercare <3

I 100% understand if you don’t want to do this btw, no pressure!

-Hybrid

*cracks knuckles* One Scottish werewolf, coming up! Enjoy!~

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You'd known Johnny since primary school, the two of you becoming rather fast friends. A shared interest over sports truly built the foundation of your solid bond. Finding out he was a werewolf didn't even put a damper on things; if anything, it made him all that more cool to you.

It was really you that followed him around like a puppy, even going as far as to follow him into the military. Everyone in your squad loved to poke fun at how much of a dog you acted compared to the literal werewolf, how much it had to be puppy love. You vehemently fought off the accusations; Johnny was your best friend! There was no way in hell you were interested in him romantically!

And that’s what you told yourself all up until this big bad wolf of a best friend of yours took a bullet for you. You gasped as he howled in pain, eyes immediately turning on the enemy as he lunged for them. You’d never been more worried and turned-on in your life.

So when Soap’s next rut came, your heart strings were tugging so hard you thought they might snap. He’d told you in detail what it felt like to not have a proper mate to go through those cycles was like, so when you found him in his bunk, halfway to full wolf form, sweating like he’d just run miles around the track, you couldn’t just stand idly by. You were going to help your friend whether he liked it or not.

“Johnny,” you called, voice quiet and calm. Bright baby blues that had turned a vibrant golden locked onto you. You knelt beside the bed onto the cold unforgiving cement and stroked his cheek softly.

Immediately the man leaned into your touch. “Your touch is like a cool drink Y/N,” he whined. Somewhere in his mind, you were sure he thought he sounded smooth, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him otherwise. Your thumb stroked over his stubbly cheeks with a fondness only reserved for him. “How to Know You’re Getting in too Deep With Your Bestie”, a memoir by Y/N.

“You’re suffering Soap,” you told him, gently helping him onto his back so you could straddle his hips. Eyes like the full moon never left you, tracking your every movement. You were only in a regulation shirt and your boyshorts. The feel of his hard length, knot and all didn’t go unnoticed as your pussy twitched eagerly. “Quit pushing me away and let me help.”

The next round of movements were a blur to you, but you knew for certain at least how you ended up face down into the mattress. You heard the shredding of fabric as your underwear was torn with the flick of a claw. You jump a bit when you feel the cold nuzzle of his nose against your slick cunt and you can tell how he revels at your moan when he warm tongue laps some of it up.

A low growl resounds in your ear next sending a shiver down your spine. “You’ve no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this leannan,” comes Soap’s rough voice right against the shell of your ear, earning him a whimper of excitement. You can feel where his cock lines up with your entrance and the slight burn as you’re stretched in one quick thrust. It rips a scream of pleasure from your throat that seems to only egg him on more.

Between the hot panting of the wolf in your ear and the exponentially thick cock ramming into you over and over, it was no surprise that you came first. Your wet hot walls contracted around your best friend’s member over and over, as if milking it. The werewolf above you growled in pleasure, head thrown back as he could finally mate. 

So many years he had been on the brink of asking you to let him mate you, to breed you, even if just once. The sensation of actually being able to do it was better than he could have ever dreamed. And you yourself certainly weren’t complaining. 

It had the both of you in a fog of pleasure, your minds obscured by the haze of sex. Even in the moments you were begging, pleading for him to stop, he never slowed, orgasm after orgasm wracking your body. You were in a state of lustful bliss, simply letting your best friend take out the years of pent up sexual tension on you.

The knot catching on your inner walls caught your attention. Somewhere in the back of your mind you knew you shouldn’t be able to make that fit. You tried to babble out pleas for Soap to slow, to stop, to give you a minute to breathe. But the pleasure was bubbling in the pit of your stomach again and you knew there was nothing you could do to stop it. You felt teeth nipping at your shoulder as the wolf finally slammed his knot inside you, howling loudly as he came. 

Your own orgasm, how many this was by now you couldn’t recall, was ripped from you in the form of a scratchy voiced cry. You tried in vain to link your hand with that of your best friend, only to have him gingerly help you. That wet tongue was back again, this time lapping softly at your shoulder where he’s presumable nipped a bit too hard.

You were in and out of consciousness, as to be expected of someone who was just thoroughly fucked by a werewolf for the first time. So when you truly came to again, bundled up in the lap of your best friend, it was a little surprising. Your stirring caught Soap’s attention and bright golden eyes looked down to you fondly. 

“Finally awake are you?” He asks with a soft chuckle. You reach up and ruffle the little mohawk that somehow manages to show up on his fur at the top of his head. You could faintly feel the hardness of his member poking against your thigh. 

“Need a hand with that soldier?” you ask, voice raspy as if you’d been shouting at recruits all day. You’re handed a glass of water before you’re given an answer which you happily sip on. The cool liquid soothes the ache in your throat.

“Later leannan,” Soap tells you. “I’m sated for now.”

“You keep calling me that Johnny,” you say with a soft laugh, voice a little clearer now. You offer him a quiet thanks when he helps you sit up and sets a bowl of stew in your lap. You hadn’t realized before you’d seen the food, just how hungry you are, how much energy you’d exerted. “What does it mean?” Your best friend huffs his own little laugh as he watches you start to eat.

“Sweetheart.”

[hypnoneghoul]

Sundown: Chapter 10

WC: 1K

Relationship: SwissAlps

Tags: AU; Cowboy!Swiss x Barmaid!Mountain, Transfeminine Mountain, Implied Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, Grief

“She was the brightest person I’ve ever known. It’s like…she lit up every room she walked into.”

Playlist here. / Chapter 1 here or on AO3.

Read chapter 10 under the cut or on AO3.

Swiss has never expected to have to think about a day such as this one. He has never expected he would have to go about his day with the knowledge that on this exact day, just a year prior, his baby sister was being murdered to be left for him to find mauled in a puddle of her own blood.

Alas, here he is. Here it is, the first anniversary of Sunshine’s death.

He told Mounty a few weeks ago so she would understand that him distancing himself has nothing to do with her. She understands, but she’s not one to let her lover drown in misery while she watches from a distance. She’ll give him all the space he needs, but the moment she sees he needs her, she’ll be there.

The barmaid wakes up first to Swiss’ head resting on her chest and his arms tight around her waist. She looks down at him as much as possible, and wishes he could always be as peaceful as he is in that moment. Still, he soon wakes up.

Mounty sees in his eyes and expression as he comes to and realizes the date. The hurt flashing across his face jabs her straight into her own heart and she squeezes the man’s arm reassuringly. He doesn’t speak—none of their usual morning sappy giggles ensue—but he looks up at his girl and simply blinks and it’s more than enough for Mounty to know what he means. It’s a ‘thank you’ and an ‘I love you’ and an ‘I need you’ and so much more.

The barmaid nods, whispering as to not disturb the reverent silence too much, “I love you, too.”

Swiss lays his head back on her chest and sighs. It’s not going to be an easy day and it feels like hours before Mounty feels the man shift again.

“Do you want to talk about it? About her?” Mounty proposes, approaching the topic very carefully. “I’d love to hear something, if you’d like to tell me.”

“Yeah, I–I think I do,” Swiss rumbles after thinking about it for a little while, with his voice gravelly from unuse.

Mounty’s soft kiss on his forehead is more than enough of an encouragement, but Swiss realizes he really does want to talk about Sunshine. He never did, after her death, and now it’s been a year. She deserves to be talked about, though, she can’t be forgotten, the memory of her can’t simply fade. The cowboy owes it to her and maybe, just maybe, it’ll help him, too.

He sits up and turns to lean against the wall by the window, so she can look at his girl as he tells her the story.

“Her name was Sunshine,” he starts after clearing his throat, “Sunny for short. And it fit, she was the brightest person I’ve ever known. It’s like…she lit up every room she walked into, ya know?”

Mounty nods, smiling softly.

“She was six years younger than me and she was a…huh, a surprise let’s say. I don’t know about my parents, I doubt my mother wanted to have more children with my failure of a father, but I was over the moon. I wasn’t as happy when no one could sleep for months once she was born, but once she got quieter I was her biggest fan.

Then, uh…our parents sucked so I was mostly taking care of us both. Mom died when Sunny was around five. We were good, but you already know how my father fucked us over and how it all ended.

She was very creative. She liked to sing and always came up with new funny songs and new ways to make noise. Everything was her instrument, even the wind and rustling trees themselves. She was a…a true gem, ya know? There’s not enough people like her in the world.”

Swiss’ breath hitches and he outstretches his hands, desperately needing Mounty’s touch. She puts her own in them and laces their fingers together, silently saying that she’s with him and not going anywhere.

“I never told you that your voice–” his own cracks, “you sound very similar to how she did. You laugh the same.”

“Oh…”

“Yeah, sorry. Should’ve told you sooner.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Mounty finally speaks again, “there was no reason for you to tell me, I don’t mind.”

“Mhm,” Swiss hums in acknowledgement.

It’s quiet for a few minutes before the barmaid admits in a quiet voice, “I wish I could’ve met her.” 

“I wish you could’ve,” Swiss agrees, even quieter, and Mounty doesn’t like the far away look in his eyes. Silence falls again as she tries to think of an appropriate thing to say.

“You wanna know what I’m thinking?” she speaks after a moment, squeezing Swiss’ hands in an attempt to ground him.

“Hm?” the man hums, barely there anymore. There’s tears in his eyes waiting to fall, but his stare is blank. The barmaid hates seeing him floating away further and further away with each passing second. She’s afraid that there’s not much she can do to hold him back.

“Look at the weather,” Mounty points out regardless, having to try. Swiss is slow to oblige, but he does, eventually peeling the curtain away to look out of the window. He doesn’t notice anything particularly special, though. Mounty clarifies, “it’s nearly summer and yet it’s been all gloomy for weeks.”

Swiss furrows his eyebrows. She’s right, but he still can’t grasp the point she’s trying to make.

“It’s sunny today. She’s here, Swiss. She’s here to remind you that no matter how gloomy the world is, there’s always going to be more sunny days. I bet she’d like you to think that every sunny day is her doing, her trying her best to make your day brighter. Dare I say you getting sunburned it’s her teasing you? She didn’t really go anywhere, my darling, she’s still with you. She always will be.”

Life returns to Swiss’ eyes when his tears fall.

Thankfully Mounty is there to wipe them all away.

[certifiedlovergirlsstuff]

a spiders bite

pairing: spider-man!ethan landry x female!reader

WC: 1.5K

warnings: cursing, mention of panic attacks. should be it!

summary: ethan doesn’t seem to understand that his actions are hurting the people that love him.

A/N: spider-man au is like top 5 best AUs! definitely plan to write more in the future for ethan and others. i like to think i was the first one to mention jack as a peter parker varient (i wasn’t the first) honestly would be down for a part2 if there are requests/ideas.

also would love to plug @echnated​ for their WONDERFUL spider-man!ethan x black cat!reader and @burnyouwithacigarettelighter and their spider-man!ethan series💗💗

@alecmores my editor🫶🏻

been in the drafts since april 22

masterlist / ethan landry

“you’re an idiot. an actual idiot!”

“how am i-“ “you could have gotten killed or revealed your identity!” a swift smack to his chest with the back of your hand.

“how about a- a thank you, you know? instead of this hostility?” ethan yanked the bug-eyed mask off his face and his pillow of curls stuck out in all directions. 

“i don’t think you deserve a thank you after the stunt you pulled. wha- what made that smart mind think, ‘yeah, one hundred percent a good idea’?” arms crossed over your chest as you waited for an answer.

he opened his mouth with his hands held up and out, it looked like he had an answer ready, but his mouth closed and his arms dropped. he closed his eyes and tilted his head at the ceiling, a sigh leaving his nose.

“look, i was in a tough spot. i had to think in the moment and sometimes those aren’t the smartest ideas.” you scoffed, “damn right.”

ethan rolled his eyes at you and smoothed a gloved hand over his sweaty face. you kept your defensive stance as you blankly stared at ethan for almost getting himself hurt. acting like a bitch was your facade when you wanted to keep your emotions hidden and in check, but you knew the longer this conversation continued you’ll soon break.

“y/n… me being a hero, it means i have to put others before myself. i’m constantly putting my life on the line every time i go out on the streets, keeping an eye out for dangerous people. so if me saving you puts my life on the line-” he stepped closer and your eyes looked him up and down, a crack in the mask. his free hand caressed your cheek, his thumb touching your dark circles. “i will always choose you over my life.” he whispered his confession.

you felt the twitch to your brows and the flare of your nostrils as you tilted your head to look into his soft eyes. “that’s suicidal of you. and fucking dumb!” you shoved his chest, making him stumble from the unexpected reaction.

you moved away from ethan, needing to keep a distance to keep yourself level-headed. your fingers scrunched the roots of your disheveled hair, eyes tightly shut as you scrunch your face up. a yell was waiting to rip from your throat.

“why- why would you say something like that, ethan? never-never, say you’ll choose mine over yours! do you… do you even understand how just the- the thought of you gone…” dampness came to your eyes and you felt the snot ready to run. shaky hands ran down your face, your breathing getting harder.

“hey…” the sound of ethan’s voice caused a slight jump. you stuck a hand out, needing to keep the space.

“i… i know you weren’t given a choice when given your powers. and you decide to do good for new york and- and help people, big or small… that's incredibly brave of you. and i’ve always stuck by your side and helped you in difficult times. but with these- these- these fucking villains started to show up more each day and getting more dangerous…” tears rained down your face and you saw how ethan had to restrain himself. “i worry about you every time i hear a siren or someone shouting for help. i always have the news playing and notifications on social media to keep constant updates when you're swinging around. and- and when i hear word that you’ve taken a tumble or some shit… i- i- i start to panic and hyperventilate and then my body starts to shake and my throat tightens…” as you were explaining to ethan the reactions started to show.

you were shaking your hands out then switching to tapping the pads of your fingers together in quick succession. your chest was moving up and down in short, shallow breaths and every time you breathed out your mouth it was a shudder. when trying to swallow your throat felt completely closed and the tears were forming.

“ethan… i can’t lose you, ever.” a weak whisper. “you- you don’t un-understand what it- it would be like to- to- to live-“

ethan’s nylon arms wrapped you nicely and tight like a weighted blanket. a hand pushed your head into the crook of his neck while he leaned his chin against your temple. while your arms took a second to process his touch, they moved inch by inch until you reciprocated the tight hold.

with your eyes slipped shut you took deep breaths in through the nose to inhale ethan’s scent, sweat mixed with something clean almost floral. you counted each time his chest moved with yours and let the tingles of his fingers run over your body. he kept his voice low and it was deep as he whispered reassurance into the air and your ear when he moved his head near your shoulder.

when he pressed a kiss to the skin just below your hair, you felt your shoulders slouch just a bit. it was like each touch and breath ethan took, allowed your brain to come down from its panic and focus on the present.

ethan is alive and you're in his arms.

“you won’t lose me y/n. i promise. you’re the reason i fight to stay alive and come back to your warmth every day and every night. you keep me stable and make sure i don’t run around with my head cut off.” you gave a dry chuckle at his words.

ethan leaned back and stared down at you, hands moving from their previous spots to hold your cheeks. your arms loosened their tight grasp around his waist, palms flat against his spine. ethan’s clear brown eyes peered deep into your soul, it made you nervous.

“fighting leprechauns and human octopuses are things i’ll constantly deal with if it keeps the city safe, but most importantly…” his head moved closer, your eyes watching every closing inch. “i’ll keep fighting the bad guys if it means you’re safe. i want you to understand that. you are my number one priority.”

and he pressed his chapped lips softly against yours. you froze before melting into the warmth he caused in your bones. the tips of your fingers skated over the smooth fabric of his suit until you were clutching his biceps. the kiss made you a bit lightheaded, almost tipsy but you were sober and clear-headed.

ethan pulled away and you almost groaned in disappointment. you kept your eyes closed just a bit longer in case the moment was just a daydream and when you opened them you would still be in your room, with ethan still dressed in his outfit, but the kiss wouldn’t have existed. with a flutter to your lashes and parted lips, the scene was exactly as imagined, but ethan was close and his hands were still holding your face.

“that wasn’t a dream?” you sighed in relief. ethan grinned at your words as he shook his head, his curls swishing. “not a dream. a wish come true for me.”

“such a romantic.” you joked to hopefully hide the heat on your face. “a wish came true for me as well.”

his grin widened. he swiped his right thumb over your cheek, “i promise you, i’ll always come back. no matter what, nothing is keeping me from you.” he finished his sentence with a kiss on your forehead.

you wanted to fight him on the honey-sweet sentiment. you saw how hurt he’s been recently, more cuts and bruises to his pale skin that- yes they heal quickly, but he’s still human. you hear how spider-man is struggling to stay on his feet or how he’s throwing punches that don’t land from the news as you pace in your room. you see how he groans and squeezes his eyes shut whenever you help clean him up when he climbs through your window looking ready to clasp. some days you worry he’ll be killed and you won’t hear about it until the news makes the official announcement, the news anchor saying in their somber tone “we regret to inform the citizens of brooklyn that the vigilante hero, spider-man, has been killed by…” and everything would turn to white noise as you fall to your knees and scream your lungs out.

but you also know how hard ethan fights. even if it’s his last breath he will give his all to stop the dangers from harming civilians. and how sweet he is to the people on the streets. how he will pick a cat from a tree it scurried up and was too afraid to leave. if a child was crying he would crouch to their level and ask their name, and try to make them smile or laugh.

as you stood in his embrace you let your heart skip a beat or two as you remembered that you finally got to kiss ethan. you tried to push the scary “what ifs” away and focused on his lean stature and how he kept placing quick but heartfelt kisses to the crown of your head.

“okay,” you replied after a while, “just come back to me and i’ll forever help bandage you back together,” you spoke into his chest.

another kiss to your hair, “i promise. i can't lose my girl when i just got her.” and you hear his heart speed up.

...

[jeonbunnie]

promises

pairing: reader x namjoon

summary: marriage life with namjoon hasn’t been the same lately. he’s been cold and distant, always whispering on the phone. and you can’t help but notice…

genre: angst, drama, choose your own adventure,

content/warnings: established relationship; married!au; idol!namjoon; cheating/infidelity; implied sex; eventual smut; explicit sex

soundtrack: lemonade by beyoncé

a/n: this used to be a series but I decided to rework it into a oneshot. The plot is mostly the same, however now the reader gets to choose the big decision at the end (kind of like a choose your own adventure). This is one of the endings, if you want to read from the beginning, start here.

word count: 871

Choose Him

When Namjoon wakes up the next morning–you’re not by his side.

It was just a little after dawn. The sun finally peaked its head out from around the clouds, stretching across your home in vanilla sunlight.

At first, Namjoon is too tired to comprehend what it means to not feel your warmth pressed up against him. But as soon as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he realized he was waking from a dream into a nightmare.

Namjoon was so overwhelmed with grief for the loss of his marriage, for the loss of you, he didn't hear the click of the front door opening, or see the look on your face when you finally, finally came home.

You opened the bedroom door to find Namjoon sitting with his face buried in his hands. You went to him, sat by his side, and gingerly pulled his hands away from his face. “Namjoon...what’s wrong?”

He looks up into your face, and there’s shock, confusion, and tears in his brown eyes. There’s a look of disconnect as he takes in the sight of you, the suitcases standing by the door.

“You left.” He says.

You shake your head.

The tears in his eyes spilled down his cheeks. “You did. You left, and all your stuff was gone. You were gone.”

“Not like that.” You said. You did leave, but not in the way he might have thought. You went to think. To find peace and quiet so you could listen to your heart.

You made your decision. You decided to love him anyway, and keep loving him, and keep working at your marriage. Even though it failed, you would keep trying. Because love didn’t quit. It wasn’t pride, or anger, or hurt. It didn’t hold grudges or keep resentments. It was patient, and kind, and forgiving. Healing.

And that was what you wanted, right? To heal.

“I’m sorry, I should have approached this better.” You said. “I figured you’d still be sleeping by the time I got back. I just needed to be on my own for a bit. Clear my head, think.”

Alone, you had more clarity about everything. Though knowing Namjoon’s truth didn’t make anything any easier. It did help you find your truth.

Namjoon kissed the back of your hand and held on tight. His palms were wet, but you didn’t let go. He looked at you, and something softened in his eyes. “I thought–” he said, voice cracking. “I thought…”

“Me too.”

“You said you’d never come back.”

“I know. That was a long time ago...I promised you that I would leave. But that’s not how promises work anyway. And I don’t want a relationship based on promises. Those are just thoughts. And words. And they don’t mean anything unless your actions match up.”

“We said we’d be honest with each other so,” you took a deep breath, holding it for a minute before saying what you could only admit to yourself in private.

“I know I could start over. Find someone else. There are other men... but when I think about it, when I think about it, I’ve only ever wanted you. I don’t want to start over with someone new. And kiss strangers. And hope to fall in love again. I want you. I still love you.”

“I love you, too,” Namjoon said. Softly. Without hesitation.

“But things have to change. We just stopped talking. You were my best friend, but we were living like strangers because we didn’t communicate with each other–I can’t do that again. You can’t just keep all your feelings bottled up inside. You need to talk to me. I don’t know if I can be everything that you need me to be, but you have to give me a chance. Don’t shut me out.”

“Can you do that for me?” You finished. You looked at his face and honestly stared back at you.

“I can. I can do anything for you.” Namjoon whipped at his wet face. “If I could take it all back I would…I’m far from perfect, and I’ve done things that hurt you, things I’ll live to regret for the rest of my life. But I want to do better. Be better. And I know that I’m a better man when I’m with you… And I want to be by your side. Always. I can’t pretend it never happened. Like everything’s fine and that it’ll all be okay. I don’t know that. But I want it to be. I want to try...”

Now you were tearing up. You squeezed his hand. “So let’s try.”

“But Namjoon, I swear, if you try this shit again—”

“I won’t. I can’t. After everything...baby, all I see is you. I don’t want anyone else.”

Namjoon smiled at you, a real smile, eyes turning into crescent moons.

And you smiled back.

He leans forward then, till your forehead to forehead, nose to nose, and you both close your eyes, savoring the moment. That feeling came back. The one from the night before. Overwhelming, unfiltered love. And at that moment, you know.

You know you can move on. Fall in love again, rebuild your trust.

And you’ll do it together.

[diaryujin]

𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄

summary: you’ve gone missing, and your best friend chan has no other method of communication other than sending you voice notes.

genre: angst

includes: university au, minho is a thirdwheel/another best friend of you both, overdosing, attempted suicide, coma-ish situation, chan is a S-I-M-P, mentions of you both being drunk, mentions of weightloss and getting paler, chan is a majoring in music here, NOT proofread, lmk if i missed anything else

pairing: non idol! uni student! chan x uni student! fem! reader

a/n: i did this low effort thing bc i haven’t had the energy for anything else pls don’t let it flop i made a comeback i’m out of my blackpink era (/j blinks don’t come after me) (should I make a sequel) song lyrics: lost by (g)i-dle (english translation)

word count: 1K including song lyrics

taglist: @kflixnet

“Hey Y/N. You weren’t at university or your dorm today. Is everything okay? I know you’ve been stressing about…well, a lot, really-” sigh “yeah, so basically, I’m worried about you.” nervous laughter “Cause like, your roommate, Tzuyu told me you were in your room at night, but then you weren’t there when I came to pick you up. I hope you hear this. Take care.”

❝𝙄𝙛 𝙄 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨❞

“Y/N, it’s been three days. Everyone’s worried, especially me. I know you’ve talked about running away before, but…well, I didn’t think you were serious.” silence ”I hope you’re coming back soon, you know. Uni feels different and more empty without you. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙄 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪?❞

“A week. I’ve been a bit busy, but I haven’t forgotten you at all. Where are you? I think the police are still searching. They better be, you’re too precious to me to lose.” deep breath “Come back, Y/N. Come back. Everyone’s asking me where you are, and I don’t know and they keep reminding me that you’re gone and everything is haunting me and-” sigh “I’m rambling again. Take care.”

❝𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙄 𝙙𝙤?❞

“Two weeks. You haven’t even seen my messages, let alone these voice notes, but they’re still delivered. Please, Y/N, this isn’t funny anymore- ignore the voice crack. No, I’m not crying. Like- I do care- um- about you…but I’m not crying. I miss you the most. I don’t have a study buddy now ever since you well…disappeared. Kinda falling behind on classes, but it’s fine. I’ll catch up.” weak giggle “Take care.”

❝𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙗𝙮❞

“One month. Since you’re never going to hear these voice recordings, I might as well just say gibberish or odd confessions, hm?” weak laugh “They’ve given up. Your parents, the police…everyone, really. But I haven’t. I know you’re there – somewhere. I’ve been producing more songs to cope. You know how much I love doing that, I mean- it’s why I chose music as my major. Take care.”

❝𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩❞

“Two months. You know, today I passed by a wishing well. I threw a coin, and guess what I wished for? I wished you back, Y/N. Come back, please. I’m not requesting you at this point, I’m begging. Everything’s become worse without you, or at least that’s what Minho says. He’s a bit wild, so I’m not believing him. Where are you, mm? I’ll come there, and I’ll meet you – even rescue you if necessary!” faint hmph “I miss you. I miss you loads. Take care.”

❝𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩❞

“Five months. Since you don’t seem to have heard any of these, I guess I can really just say shit, huh? Well then, I love you. Like- you know- romantically.” nervous laugh “Yeah, cliche. Dumb move. Fuck, fuck, shouldn’t have done that- but it’s out and true- I guess. Ever since last year when we…ah, leave it. Take care.”

❝𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Eight months. I love you. I love you. I love you, Y/N. Please, I need you back. Everything’s so dark without you. You know that you’re my driving force, right? Right? I need you here desperately.” sniffle “Y/N. Y/N. Please. I don’t- I don’t know how I can do this anymore.” whimper “I can’t- can’t lose you. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Ten months. Everything hurts. I don’t have the motivation to wake up in the morning, Y/N. Minho says that I’ve become thinner and paler. Other people are saying watered down versions of that. It all reminds me of you. I’m so tired, I don’t know why they suddenly care. Eh, whatever.” dull groan “Shit, I’m ranting again. Ignore it. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚❞

shaky breath “ Y/N, Y/N, please at least see my messages.” pained whimper “I can’t. I can’t. I need- need you. Badly. Fuck- I can’t bre-breathe.” rattling of pills in a bottle “I don’t want to live anymore. There’s no po-point.” quiet sob “You-You are my muse fo-for whatever I man…manage to…get out of my studio. I love you, I’ve loved you ever-ever since the day we drun-drunk made out.” sad giggle “Yeah, sounds cra-crazy, no?” swallowing sound, gulp “You’re coming back, right? Promise? You are, you are. I’m sure of it.” cursing under breath “Fuck, Minho’s here. Take care.”

❝𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Can’t move on from you. I love you too much. I love you, Y/N, and I wish I had the guts to have said it to your face when you were with me. Will you miss me? Maybe you won’t. It’s been a year after all. You’ve probably forgotten about me, about what we had, and frankly speaking? I don’t blame you.” silence “You’re still alive there though, I’m sure of it. Eat well, sleep soundly, drink water, do whatever makes you happy, even if others discourage you, and even if it’s the police, and remember to love yourself as much as I do. I love you from the sun to Pluto and back, note that.” dry laugh “I’ll always have you engraved in my memory. You’ll forever be my first and last thought. Take care.”

❝𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞

“Hi Y/N. It’s me, Minho. I know I didn’t talk to you as much as Chan did-” annoyed sigh “I mean, he’s your bestie westie pookie wookie and all that shit, but like- I miss you too. There’s rumors about you being spotted around and you know that I don’t believe in a lot of gossip that goes throught the university grapevine – although I do love listening to it –” slight chuckle “I really want this rumor to be proven true. Make it happen, perform a miracle or something. You always disproved me in arguments, do it again.” silence “Chan, he…he’s in the hospital.” slightly muffled sob “I caught him overdosing on pills, which is what he was doing when he…when he sent you the tenth voice note. A month after that, he tried to kill himself, hence the eleventh one. That was like- three days ago. He’s still…still unconscious, but he’ll wake up soon, I hope. Come back Y/N. We all miss you, and Chan needs you. In his words, take care.”

❝𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚❞

[frostedfaves]

Stay the Night

Masterlist

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff x fem!reader

Summary: Natasha and Wanda came to Westview for a fresh start, but meeting someone new brings back old habits.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, dark!fic, magical mental manipulation (courtesy of Wanda), a bit of forced submission, implied masturbation and sex toy mention, other insinuated things (no questions please 🤠), kidnapping and blood mention, WandaVision AU that completely disregards Endgame to give WandaNat a real happy ending

A/N: it’s been literal months since the last time I posted anything, but I was determined to at least get this first part out eventually even if I only had 3 followers left. no idea what I’m doing going forward because so much has changed with me that I’m not even sure what I want to write, I just know I want to. anyway here’s the ask that inspired this

-

“Where are you headed, love?”

Wanda stops with her hand on the doorknob, the other gripping the handle of a can of paint with a brush resting on top. She carefully turns so as not to drop the unsecured item and acknowledges her wife from across the room.

“I’m going to fix the paint I chipped, Natalia.”

“You mean you aren’t going to wave your magic wand this time?” Natasha’s eyes are narrowed but her playful smile gives her away. “I never knew you were such a handywoman.”

“As if you’re so surprised about what my hands can do.”

The front door is closed behind Wanda, muffling whatever comeback Natasha was beginning to make, and she makes her way over to the corner of the house that didn’t match the rest. With careful strokes, the damaged area is covered in a brilliant shade of red, glistening in the sun as it begins to dry. She’s just about to head in when she hears a voice she doesn’t recognize followed by her neighbor’s door slamming closed and footsteps. Wandering across the lawn to get a better look, she notices a young woman sitting on the porch wearing shorts that are very similar to her overalls and a loose T-shirt with extra fabric that gets trapped between her stomach and thigh when she bends over to fix her shoe.

“Hey.”

You look up from your seat on the porch and notice a woman with reddish-orange hair studying you with hands slightly stained red resting on the fence. Her eyes glance between you and her hands and she quickly catches on, removing them with an embarrassed chuckle.

“Sorry, I’m an artist…if you count repairing a scuffed wall as art.”

“Let’s see.” You stand and look over at the spot she was working on. “Yeah, I’d pay to see it in a museum.”

Her laugh causes you to grin as you approach her from the other side of the fence, placing your own hands just an inch or two from where hers used to be as you introduce yourself.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Wanda.” She makes a movement to shake your hand and quickly changes her mind when she catches sight of her own again. “I’m not usually this forgetful, dear. Anyway, I was wondering if you were new to the neighborhood. I’ve never seen you here before.”

“Technically, although I don’t live here. My friend just moved in and I thought I’d visit her now that she’s all set.” You lean in just a bit closer and slightly lower your voice. “She wouldn’t even let me take off work until she had every room unpacked and organized. I made a joke that she wanted to set up her sex dungeon first so I wouldn’t accidentally find any of her tools and she didn’t like it very much.”

“She probably shouldn’t come to our house then,” Wanda teases but your brows raise slightly.

“Our?”

“Yes, I live with my wife. Actually, we haven’t met your friend either. Would the two of you like to come over for dinner later? We’d love to welcome her to the neighborhood properly.”

“I think I can talk her into it.” You turn toward the house when you hear your name called through a cracked window and quickly face Wanda again. “I have to go but I’ll–we’ll–see you tonight?”

“Anytime after 7 works for us. I might go a bit overboard but I promise it won’t be anything fancy. You could even wear pajamas if you want,” she offers and you laugh.

“Be careful or I might take you up on that. Okay, see you then!” You disappear into the house again with an enthusiastic wave as Wanda supervises before heading into her own home to share the news with her loving partner.

“So you invited this anonymous new neighbor and her friend over for dinner…tonight?” Natasha repeats and Wanda nods in response. “May I ask why you suddenly want two strangers in our home?”

“One of the strangers is really cute,” Wanda pouts as she grabs Natasha’s hands, allowing herself to be led over to the sink to have the paint washed off her skin.

“Meaning?”

“New pet,” she admits, growing nervous when Natasha freezes mid scrub.

“No.”

“But Nat–”

“Don’t ‘but Nat’ me, Wanda,” the redhead mocks as she continues scrubbing. “I let you try this already and it didn’t work.”

“I think you’ll like her too.”

“I doubt it.”

“But what if she’s really good? Really obedient? I heard you like that.”

“How can you be so sure? I’ve never experienced it.”

“Rude.” Wanda lightly nudges her away with her hip and reaches for the paper towels. “I’m just saying…don’t let one bad apple ruin the bunch or whatever that saying is. Don’t you think it’d be fun to have something new to play with?”

“I’m assuming you’ve already given her a test run then.”

“Not yet.” Wanda returns to Natasha’s side with a paper towel for her hands and drops her head onto her shoulder. “I figured you might want to help me.”

-

You ring the doorbell at exactly 7:01, hoping Sheri will take your subtle but constant movements as nerves and not excitement to see Wanda again. You had no idea what her wife was like or if she’d even like you, then again you barely knew Wanda either. What you were hoping to get out of this gathering was also still a mystery.

“You’re here! Welcome to our home!” Wanda greets you cheerily as she opens the door and you go to respond with the same level of excitement, instead driving an elbow into Sheri’s side when you notice her staring at the older pair.

“Sorry…No one told me I was having dinner with two Avengers.”

“Technically we’re not Avengers anymore,” a woman replies behind Wanda and she steps aside to reveal her wife, you’re assuming. “Natasha, but I’m guessing you knew that already.”

“So why did you leave the team?” Sheri inquires as she follows Natasha to the dining room and Wanda closes the door behind her, and you don’t miss the way she subtly guides you for a second with a gentle hand on your back.

“I don’t know. Something about half the world disappearing for five years really just…”

“...wears you out?” Wanda suggests as she pulls your chair out for you and Natasha shakes her head.

“I was going to say it makes me want to isolate myself from everything and everyone I’ve ever known, but yes, that too.” She takes a seat and begins pouring wine into a glass. “I wanted to go a bit further than New Jersey, but I can’t say I haven’t enjoyed my time here.”

“Do you mind telling me more about this place?” you ask once Wanda is done serving everyone and takes a seat across from you. “If it sounds good, maybe I’ll move too.”

You were partially joking but something about Wanda’s eyes suddenly brightening and even Natasha’s sudden interest in your statement made you want to consider the possibility.

“What would you like to know?”

-

Two hours later, the room is filled with laughter in response to the latest joke passed around the table. Dinner was even more enjoyable than you imagined it could be, the four of you talking nonstop between bites of food. The atmosphere was so energetic that you were genuinely surprised when Sheri yawned and stood up suddenly.

“I just want to say that I’ve had so much fun over here and I’m so glad you were the first neighbors I met. I hope you won’t be mad if I head home now, though.”

“So soon?” you pout and she sighs.

“I know, but I’m exhausted from all the preparation I did before you came. You’re welcome to stay here though, if you both don’t mind,” she adds with a glance at the hosts, and they both grin.

“Of course we don’t mind!” Natasha speaks up before Wanda can, rising to a stance as well. “After all, we did promise her a movie night. Who says that can’t be tonight?”

“We’re also still in the process of convincing her to move,” Wanda adds.

“Okay, well…You know where the spare is but if you forget, my ringer will be on.”

You all exchange goodbyes with Sheri while Natasha walks her out, even making sure she’s inside before returning to the table. Wanda waves off your attempt to help her clear the table in the meantime and Natasha takes a seat next to you.

“So…how about that movie?”

“Sure! I just have to run to the bathroom and then we can start.”

“No, you can wait.” You raise your brows with a laugh that’s cut short when her hand on your thigh stops you from getting up. “If you think I’m joking, you’re wrong. You’ll go when we say so. Got it?”

After a couple seconds you silently nod. She clears her throat and you almost immediately realize what she wants from you.

“Yes, I understand.”

“Good girl.”

A shiver travels down your spine as her fingertips lightly drag across your thigh before she stands, offering the same hand to you which you accept instantly. She leads you into a different room with a couch sitting in front of a projector aimed at the only wall that’s completely empty. Wanda appears a minute later with glasses of water and a blanket that she spreads across your laps once she’s settled. After the projector is set up, each woman scoots closer and rests her head against her hand, elbows pressed into the couch behind you as the movie is played.

You aren’t sure how much time has passed since the movie started, but at some point you notice your bathroom need has become a little more urgent. One of your legs begins to bounce under the blanket and shortly after, Wanda grabs your chin and turns your head toward her, pushing the rim of a glass to your lips.

“Open,” she quietly commands and you obey, reluctantly swallowing the water she carefully pours in. “Good girl.”

The water only touches the halfway mark of the glass now but you feel twice as full. Your attention strays from the movie as your leg bounces even faster now, and you’re practically holding back whimpers with the effort of trying not to piss your pants on the couch. It’s almost to the point where you think that might be your only option when Natasha leans just a bit closer to whisper in your ear.

“Go. You have our permission.”

Wanda throws the blanket aside before you can try to unscramble your thoughts to figure out how to do so yourself, and you follow the path you remember Sheri taking earlier in the night down the hall to the bathroom. You finally sit down and let out a sigh of relief that turns into a gasp when you feel a bit of cum slipping out of you as well. This is a sudden development that you don’t think you have the time or clarity to explore.

Instead, you return to the couch to finish the movie, releasing a very real yawn as the credits roll that prompts the two older women to call it a night. Natasha begins to clean up as Wanda walks you home, that same guiding hand resting on your back the whole way there.

“Thank you so much for coming over tonight, lovely,” she speaks quietly in the still air of the night, a warm smile appearing under the porch light. “Promise to come back soon?”

“Of course,” you answer pretty quickly, surprising yourself. “Although I don’t want to just abandon Sheri. She’s the whole reason I’m here.”

“She’s welcome too, sweet girl. We loved her company as well.” Wanda squeezes your hand and places her palm on your cheek for just a moment, admiring the way you lean into her before she pulls away. “Now get inside and rest for me, please.”

“Okay, I will. Goodnight, Wanda.”

You grab the spare key from its hiding spot and let yourself in, locking the door behind you and watching through one of the front windows as Wanda makes her way back home. Sheri’s loud snores are easily heard over whatever show she fell asleep on, and you carefully close her bedroom door to muffle the sound a bit as you make your way to your room. After changing into something more suitable for bed and grabbing your favorite toy from your suitcase, you turn on your own TV and settle under the covers with thoughts of your temporary neighbors helping you get off.

“You were gone so long I thought you tucked her in for the night,” Natasha greets Wanda as she comes in, and she laughs.

“Not yet, but we’ll get there.” Wanda approaches Natasha slowly and places her hands on her shoulders, taking her time until she can lock their fingers together. “I’ve never known you to be jealous before.”

“Well I did want a bit more time with her but she can’t be rushed. You’re right; she seems very sweet and…obedient.”

“Does that mean we can keep her?” Wanda blinks rapidly with a little pout and cheers when Natasha nods. “You won’t regret it, I promise. We’re going to train her so well.”

“I’m guessing that means you already have a plan to get her to stay.”

-

The next morning, you head into the bathroom to shower and go through your whole routine while replaying last night in your head. You finally resurface once you’re fully dressed, genuinely surprised when Sheri isn’t plating breakfast or waiting with her car keys in hand to go pick something up.

“Sher-bear, you’re the early riser in our duo,” you tease as you head toward her bedroom. “And you’re always hungry in the morning so why aren’t you–”

You cut yourself off with a gasp as you open her door, met with the startling scene of glass covering her twisted bedsheets, knocked in from the broken window. What scares you even more is the couple of spots on the carpet stained with either smeared or drops of blood. You run back to your room and grab your phone to call the police, deciding you’ll feel safer doing so in the presence of two Avengers. You’re banging frantically on their front door in less than a minute, not caring how crazy you look with tears streaming down your cheeks and staining your sleeve as you attempt to wipe them away.

“Sweet girl, what’s going on?” Wanda immediately questions as she pulls you through the doorway, giving a quick look outside before locking the door behind you. “Are you alright? Where’s Sheri?”

“She’s gone,” you begin sobbing at the mention of your best friend’s name.

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Natasha inquires while entering the room, placing her hands on your shoulders as Wanda rubs your back in an attempt to calm you. “What did you see?”

“I think someone broke in and kidnapped her. The window was smashed in and there was blood on the carpet and a few things knocked over too. I was going to call the police but I thought I should come here first in case someone was still there.”

“You did the right thing by coming to us, love.” Natasha walks out of the room for a second and returns with a gun in hand. “I’ll be right back. Don’t let anyone in while I’m gone.”

“Are you sure I shouldn’t come with you?” Wanda offers, though her arm is wrapped around your shoulders now.

“No, I’ll be fine. She needs protection here in case there is still a lingering threat.”

“Be careful.” Wanda locks the door behind her, adjusting her robe as she returns to you and you can’t help glancing once at her partially covered bare chest. “Come on, let’s get you some tea to calm your nerves a bit.”

Natasha hides her weapon until she’s inside Sheri’s home, approaching her bedroom and assessing it for a moment from the doorway before closing it up again. She pulls on a pair of gloves and unlocks the basement door, heading down the stairs and silently approaching the soundproofed room.

Sheri’s head is leaning back against the same wall that the chair she’s in is resting on, her arms and legs tied to it, eyes and ears covered and mouth gagged. Natasha quickly pours a glass of water and watches a pill dissolve into it before approaching Sheri. She carefully removes the gag and forces her jaw open with a gloved hand, using the water to muffle her panicked cries and shushing her when she chokes slightly.

“We’re gonna need you to stay quiet for just a little bit longer if this is going to work.”

[unsteady-calcium]

Ok, I'm mid season 7 now, and I’ve had a moment to collect my thoughts. Fair warning, this is rambling...

To me, most of seasons 6 and 7 is great actually.

I like Booth’s anger and rage. I get why people don’t, but I do. I think it’s not only understandable and in character and makes me feel empathetic towards him; I actually think it’s a damn interesting narrative choice, and makes Booth a more real character than he has been before.

And I love Brennan’s fear, too. She develops so much, and her "fall back on rationality as a defence mechanism" armour is finally starting to crack. It's damn fascinating to watch.

I like that the two of them had real, emotional, character-driven obstacles to overcome, before they can be together. And that identifying those obstacles doesn't automatically mean that they've overcome them at the same time. It stays true to their characters and the journey they’ve been on together so far, instead of some half-assed “I have to focus on Parker” or “crime solving takes up too much time to try to have relationships”, which most TV couples are reduced to when trying to keep up the tension. I love that they gradually overcame the fear and the rage, their small victories and choices adding up to something big. They rebuilt the trust and faith that has always been their bedrock. It feels like the natural conclusion of their relationship developing for years, with the highs and lows that it has been comprised of.

Granted, the writers fumbled the ball when it came to the actual emotional resolution at the end. It could, with only a few changes, have been improved by coming at the tail end of a case which forced them to confront something about their relationship. Or the bare minimum, make it more implicit how scared they were to lose each other without having even been together first. Just, you know. Any reason why it happened when it did.

But. There’s always fanfic, I guess.

What bothers me the most is actually something else.

I feel like there’s multiple seasons missing between s6 and s7. Obviously there were pregnancy factors and all that, and my heart rejoices at B&B getting the full domestic treatment. And this is hardly a novel take - everyone seems to agree. But there is so much missing before season 7, to the degree that it’s almost hard for me to believe that these are the same characters and not... Well... Pregnancy AU, 13/13 chapters, 45k words, status: complete.

Don't get me wrong: it's a damn good pregnancy AU. They deal with a lot of stuff that is very in character. And honestly? The idea that actually, once these two overcome their fears and decide to try being together, they are rock sollid? is fair. It makes sense.

But still.

They're Booth and Brennan.

They deserved a full year of Temperance “my childhood trauma made me scared of my emotions, prone to discard reasoning based on emotions, and simultaneously desperate to, and terrified of, being part of a family” Brennan.

And a full year of Seeley “my childhood trauma makes me overcommit to romantic partners way too fast and also makes me obsessed with being a Good Man who does the Right Thing regardless of what the people involved actually want or need” Booth.

They would clash at every stage. Every label, every milestone, would be rough and every victory would be a hard-won battle. Defining what they are to each other, deciding whom to tell and when and why, moving in together, overprotectiveness, independence, trust... there is something new to tackle all the damn time.

There would be so much doubt, and so much fear, because the stakes are so high. Because they are Booth and Brennan, and if they lose this, if they lose each other, they lose everything.

And, after a year of trying their damnest to figure all this out and finally getting somewhere, the prospect of an unplanned baby would crank every single aspect of it up to 11. Brennan would be terrified of that baby. Because she wants it so much, and she wants what it means in terms of starting a family. Making something permanent. She would regress into her hyper-rational persona. Their happiness would depend on Booth recognising that, putting his own feelings to the side, and helping her through it. And we know that the more emotionally invested he is, the more he struggles with exactly that...

They would need every ounce of love and support from their friends to get through it. Every bit of faith from their found family. And that would be cathartic as hell, because forming and trusting those bonds has also been a part of the journey to get to this stage.

And they would get through it for the same reason that they have gotten this far in the first place: because despite it all, Booth and Brennan help each other to find faith, and choose to trust. They give each other the strength to risk heartbreak.

They would get through it. And it would be glorious.

Then, and only then, I would like season 7 to happen exactly the way it happened.

[inkdemonapologist]

Thoughts on the BatIM books not being canon?

Originally typed up an answer based on the one TheMeatly tweet about creators being given “freedom to make things their own” when telling stories in their world, and that the games decide the canon. I thought that “the books aren’t canon” would be a bit of a reductive takeaway from that – like, I read it as the idea that the books don’t determine the canon, and aren’t beholden to some grand future plan to make sure they fit with the games, so they aren’t a trustworthy predictor of what’s going on in the games and in the case of contradictions, the games win. Like, the books can’t be counted on for theorycrafting, but that doesn’t mean Buddy or Abby are “noncanon” Bendy characters – just that they’ll never intersect with the games. But recently Mike Mood tweeted that “if it’s in a book, it’s not canon” pretty directly, so I guess Adrienne has just been writing a Bendy AU all this time??? Lmao.

I still think this is sort of not surprising after BatDR. Before BatDR actually came out, I was advocating pretty enthusiastically for little references to book characters – I know this was sort of controversial at the time, because people were worried about the idea of making the books “required reading” and references you don’t get if you don’t READ UP ON THE LORE – but I don’t think this would be necessary. If you give Dot an audiolog that’s like “I may just be an intern here in the writing department, but even I can tell there’s something fishy going on. I’ve got to investigate. Wally’s always losing his keys in [hint for the player], I bet I can find them” then if you’ve never read the books, that audiolog tells you everything you need to know, isn’t tangled up in any Book Lore, introduces the character as if she’s new, while also being a fun chance for the book readers to be like YOOOO MY GIRL IS HERE. Even just a schedule that says Joey has a meeting with Abby Lambert, or Ms. Lambert’s name on a desk somewhere in the art department, or a couple of animation cells on desks with characters from Crack-Up Comics, would be a fun wink to the book readers EVEN IF you want the canon to not be tied up with the books. Heck, you’ve got the non-audio-log memos in this game, you wouldn’t even have to give book characters a canon voice.

But, when BatDR had NOT ONLY no acknowledgement of the books, but also….didn’t even seem to be going in the same direction? I think the writing was sort of on the wall --

-- the people writing the games aren’t taking the books into account and the books aren’t going to be referenced here. The only question was whether the books were written with the plans of the games in mind and… I’m gonna be real. The idea that the Bendy franchise doesn’t really have Plans as such and so the books are just guessing and theorising, but the games reserve the right to go off in a completely different direction if they want to is, uh, not that surprising either. Bendy and the Ink Machine has never really seemed like a thing that had a grand plan, to me, it was just fun to pretend that it did – and then when the books were actually GOOD, it sold the idea of trying to puzzle that world together even more.

So there’s a cynical part of me that’s annoyed about this being mentioned now, you know, after 3-4 different books have been purchased by fans who were interested in learning some lore while waiting for BatDR, and now that BatDR’s out it’s like “oh, well, we’ve never felt this was CANON canon” when before it wasn’t really sold that way. If this has “always” been true, then all the “is Joey gay” questions could’ve been so easily dodged by admitting that the books were doing their own take rather than determining canon, but that fans are free to accept that interpretation. Adrienne answered one AMA question about what would become of Dot in a way that implied she didn’t know, as if she’d created this character who now existed in the world and it was up to the creators of that world to determine her fate. All of this combined with that one clarifying tweet about how EVERYTHING IN THE ORIGINAL BATIM IS STILL CANON before BatDR’s release creates the picture of intentionally selling on original BatIM’s love of theorycrafting and lore-collecting because that’s what would keep fans engaged. Either they were carefully Not Mentioning that the books aren’t canon during a time when they needed the books to sell, or the decision to treat books as “noncanon” is more recent than TheMeatly claims.

But despite my complaining, I do think this is like… wise. BatDR makes it clear that writing a Mystery With Deep Lore isn’t really what they want to do with this franchise now, if it ever was, and so now that BatDR has done reasonably well they can go ahead and admit it. If they want to be able to just hand a comic project to some comics people and not have to collaboratively run every design through their own art department to make sure it’s one they’d be willing to use in the games if that character ever appears, then it’s nice to go ahead and tell fans point blank that these designs are an interpretation by a third party, not The Canon, and should be treated as such. I think it’s not a bad way to run things, to give these other creators freedom to do their own thing with the material.

But, well, as for me and my feelings… I liked the books. I got into this franchise backwards, from a fansong and fanfiction that made me care about characters from a game I’d neither played nor watched, and then finding the concept of Sammy’s ink addiction in DCTL compelling even if I’d only heard bad things about DCTL at the time – I started writing Taste of Ink in hopes of getting this out of my system so I could move on, haha. And then Illusion Of Living came out, this incredible picture of everything I wanted from the franchise, and unfortunately nothing else has ever quite measured up. Maybe that makes sense; a lot of Bendy fans had a hard time getting through TIOL. I think I wanted a different franchise all along, and back when there wasn’t any new content in the True Game Canon, it was easier to play out the thing I wanted in the leftover ruins of this one. But then the original creators came to restore those ruins, and it was a cool thing they built, but it wasn’t anything like the ruins I’d had so much fun in anymore. I’m… genuinely proud of how much I contributed to this fandom, and so thrilled that people have enjoyed what I made here. If you weren’t following me a couple of years ago I really do recommend looking back through my blog because I made A LOT OF CONTENT………. Early on I got an ask of “does ur back hurt from carrying the entire bendy fandom,” which obviously I couldn’t post because there were definitely other creators carrying it with me, but tbh there were very few of us back when I fell face-first into this obsession and I have to admit that ask gives me some warm fuzzies to this day, haha. Like, there was a little stretch of time when the version of BatIM that I imagined helped to keep the fandom afloat! But it, like the books, was never the direction that the franchise was going to go. The BatIM I loved was was collectively dreamed into existence by people who found that game’s premise compelling.

I still love Bendy. I don’t think I ever will stop. This franchise made such a huge impact on me for reasons that are still KIND OF MYSTERIOUS LMAO. I still care a LOT about this world and these characters, but I don’t know if I’ll make much more canon-adjacent fanstuff here. Cthulhu AU is giving me the human batim content I crave and several of the AUs I’m involved in have sort of become their own thing. Maybe someday I’ll figure out how to capture whatever it was in BatIM that took over my brain so intensely for more than 3 years, but I don’t know if I’ll find it in the franchise anymore.

[kitsuvil]

— be quiet and drive. [kazuha x gn!reader]

warnings/notes; modern au, angst, NO HAPPY ENDING, breakup angst, lots of arguing, kazuha never actually recovered from his familyless trauma, cursing, im so sorry in advance, listen to glimpse of us by joji after this and imagine yn or zuha expericing it in a new relationship after their breakup

summary; kazuha was on thin ice and he broke it, oops. aka you guys got into an argument and broke up and you drove him home

words; 1k

“I don’t think I can love you anymore like this,” He mutters the words underneath his breath, but every part of my body picks up on it. I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to feel right now. Hurt? Forgiveness? Anger?

‘Do you really mean it?” I drop the car keys.

“No– I mean, I wish I didn’t? You know this, [name]. I love you so much. But neither of us can handle this.”

“Kaedehara Kazuha. No. Why did you think it was a good idea to pull this shit?”

“I never said it was a good idea.”

“So why did you do it?”

“I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

“Stay sorry, there’s no forgiving this. I can’t accept your apology.”

No matter what emotions course through me right now, I can’t make any logical decisions. No matter the feelings Kazuha’s face clearly carries. The widened eyes that have those all too well-known salty tears forming on them, his mouth that’s still left slightly ajar as he was ready to say his next words of regret. None of those words would mean anything, no matter how flowery he could make them.

“Don’t even think about sucking up to me. No flowers at my doorstep tomorrow morning as if nothing happened, alright?”

“Does this really have to be it?”

“You caused it, Kazuha. Who in their right mind would get drunk and rip every single of their lover’s childhood photos and proceed to cry about how alone and unloved they feel, despite the person right next to them and suddenly try to break up with them? I’ve always been there for you, cried with you for your forgotten family, even took you into my own family with so much trust and love, but you do this in response. You’re jealous, so disgustingly jealous.”

“I was drunk, I didn’t mean any of it.”

“YES YOU DID,” The burning sensation in my throat wells up until the hot tear drops fall down my cheeks. Never did I think I’d be yelling at the love of my life like this. It’s not even that deep, but the cracks in my heart from caring for him so much just to get this in response, just for him to pretend like I’ve never been there for him? Those cracks mean so much more to me than the shared memories we’ve created.

I gave him my own family so that he didn’t deal with the trauma of all of his relatives being passed. I gave him everything, out of compassion and sympathy. And he tossed it to the dirt and decided to rip up my memories. That’s not something I could deal with, not right now.

The look he shared with me when I came home from working for the two of us today is engraved in every part of my brain, no matter how much I wish I could pull it out. It was hopeless and cold, nothing like the Kazuha I started dating a year ago. Nothing like the Kazuha who looked cheerful and excited to explore the world with me. It scared me, the loneliness I didn’t know he was capable of, even if it was momentary. And I don’t know how long it’ll take for me to recover from it. Because if he can say that he doesn’t think he loves me anymore the way he did a year ago, there’s no way I can reciprocate the same feeling. There’s still a knot on my heart, one that he created, and one that I’d have to untie myself if he leaves.

“Take me to Heizou’s, I give up. You won’t hear me out.”

“I was already planning on it. Pack your shit, I’ll be in the car.”

I leave, wanting to be anywhere but near him. Just the sight of him makes me want to start crumbling into bits and pieces nonstop. I can’t leave him like this. But at the same time, it’s what I feel the need to do. I couldn’t pretend like nothing happened. Clearly he wants to break up with me and if he’s going to continue with actions like this, there’s no point in putting in anymore work.

But his hair. And his beautiful face. His hands that seem as if they’re chiseled by some divine being. His smile that I cherish so dearly. I’ll never get to wake up in the morning with his comfort again, I’ll never get to brush my fingers through the red and white colors of his hair. I’ll never get to hold onto those fingers, or kiss that face ever again. And oh man, it hurts.

“I’ll put my stuff in the back,” he opens the door and notifies me before throwing his things onto the seats behind me.

“I tried hard, I really did,” Kazuha whispers, almost as if he’s trying to convince himself more than me.

“Be quiet and let me fucking drive, Kazuha. I don’t care,” I start up the engine and drive away from my home, not bothering to turn on the radio. After a few sniffles and eye-rubbing from Kazuha, everything goes completely silent.

I peek over to the right to check on him, seeing him calm and asleep. If only I could look that calm right now. The sound of his slow breathing makes me more peaceful, but I realize quickly that I have to take a hand off the wheel to wipe a tear that ran down my face.

I see Heizou’s apartment building not very far away, nudging Kazuha for a second to wake him up as I pull into the parking lot.

“Wake up, Zuha. Please. We’re here.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, out you go.”

“Right… I guess I’ll be seeing you– Or not. My bad," Kazuha gets out and takes his things from the back seats and walks away into the building, disappearing into the distance.

“Guess I’ll be seeing you? What is that? Fuck. He’s rubbing salt into the wound. He knows I still love him,” I turn on the car again and head to the first place that comes into mind. The swings at the park by the cliff. The place where we met.

I don’t think there will be anyone who could fill the crater in my heart in the future. I wasn’t ready for this.

a/n; just writing this hurt so bad idk why i thought that was a good decision but i hope u guys like it... i will prob proof read it later

[espresseo-cafe]

life is still beautiful | johnny | ch.10

genre: cappucino, romance, angst, university!au, dad!au, drama, slice of life

pairing: collegestudent!johnny x fem!reader

bean count: 4.4k+

a/n: back with another update 😗🤎 note: this is only a work of fiction, it doesn’t reflect the artists’ personalities in any way.

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repetitive, humiliated, hurt. all the negative emotions you had back in june after your parents ghosted you that night all came back after five minutes of conversation. you thought you had it all under control, confident that you could face them without breaking down.

it backfired so bad.

the cafeteria doors opened as you stormed out, startling johnny and your friends. you ignored their calls for you, running away from your problems once again. johnny turned to them, pressing his lips. “sorry guys, movie time will have to wait. we can schedule it another time.”

taeyong and kun knew what their friend wanted to do, yet told him that it was best to leave you alone for a while. however the thought of how much you mean to him outweighed it. yeri and sana also knew some parts of your life and how you wouldn’t open up on something very serious to anyone, but to yoohyeon and recently to johnny.

they all knew of johnny’s situation with minji- how complicated it was getting but reminded him to not prolong it and talk to you about where your relationship was actually going to.

it’s funny how johnny was the eldest one among them and still asked for his friends’ views on his current indecisive self. when they gave a nod, he sprinted right behind you.

“i hope she’s okay.” mark said, and his eyes just fell to yeri, who was holding her tears. “hey, you good?”

yeri blinked her eyes, “y-yeah, i wish i could do something for her. i feel useless.” her back suddenly felt warm, the warmth from mark’s hand caught her off guard. “m-mark! not here.”

“what?” he chuckled and looked to the others, “i think we should let them know.”

yeri clicked her tongue, they’ve been dating since the confrontation they had with their bullies, “you and your wrong sense of time. ah my waterworks are suddenly gone. let’s go for dessert.” pushing him away, walking towards the campus entrance.

“aw but you’re so cute like this.” mark winked.

“shut up.”

johnny wasn’t sure how long you were running after to you turned to a corner, a dead end. his arm reaching for your hand, tugging you closer to him. “y/n! talk to me.”

“leave me alone, johnny.” you said, trying to break off his hold on you. “please.”

“not when you’re like this..” his voice had a little crack. he held your shoulder, turning you to face him gently. he fixed the hairstrands off of your view so you could see him clearly.

he noticed how you were heaving again because of your parents, a scene he dreaded to see so soon. he gripped the inhaler pump that was in his pocket, bringing it out. you took it from his hold, used it and you felt slightly better.

you cried, your arms already damp from your tears. never had you expected to be crying again. “i didn’t expect to have an outburst like that, i’m sorry.”

“don’t be.” he squeezed your shoulder, “you said what you to had to say. it’s hard to keep it in.”

“i’m tired of running, johnny..” you sniffed, “i feel so numb..”

“i know, you can feel numb at times like this, it’s hard to put up a front..” never had you heard someone encourage you to be vulnerable. “can i say something?” you nodded at his question, “don’t let it be; don’t allow it to be your norm.”

hearing him say that made your lips uncontrollably quiver.

“that’s the point, johnny. i’ve been jumping through numbness and feeling that i’m getting so tired of not knowing on how i should view them as.” wiping your eyes, looking at him that listened to your cries. “parents are meant to be my home. but the times where i have to face them, it’s like i have nothing to return to. how can they just let me go like that? i wanted them to call out for me..”

johnny hugged you, and his perfume weirdly calmed you down. he placed his hand on the back of your head, pulling your figure closer to him. “if i were the place you return to, then i’ll never let you go.”

he probably didn’t notice and unconsiously so, you felt like his lips touched the top of your forehead. you had a lot in your mind to be thinking something out of this. you just appreciated johnny for being here at your lowest moment.

“then.. can you hold me like this for a while?” you say, your arms wrapping his warm body tighter.

“mm, i will..” his thumb felt damp from the touch of your tears, wiping away any sadness evident from your face before enveloping you into his arms one again. “i’m here.”

he felt like home.

he felt like a fresh breeze of wind on a hot summer’s day. he felt like a warm cup of coffee on a cold winter’s night. he felt like drizzles of rain on dry land. he felt like a zap of lightning that awakened something your chest.

it was one that made your heart beat erratically, and you didn’t know how to deal with it.

———

johnny’s parents insisted you stay the night after having dinner at their place. you politely declined and said it’d be a hassle to even have an extra person.

knowing johnny’s mom, she was irresistable and very convincing that it was difficult not to reject. a trait johnny inherited and it was obviously working when he playfully did puppy eyes at you. “please? we’ll have movie night?”

chewing on the last bits of food, you wiped your mouth, then drinking your glass of coffee empty. “and you think that’ll work on me?” referring to his attempt of a cute convincing.

“ok if that didn’t work..,” he carried youngmin and placed him on his lap, “youngmin, on three. one, two, three.”

youngmin giggled at his dad when he pouted, his upper cheek dimples showing before the child looked at you as well, his lower lip coming out into a pout. “please stay.”

you snorted and struggled to swallow your drink, the water backfired and went straight to your nostrils. youngmin was funnier than johnny. the chair you sat on got pushed back that you coughed, though some of your drink got to your shirt and jeans.

“(auntie) spray nose.” youngmin laughed while pointing at you, making johnny and his parents laugh their asses off.

johnny patted your back, chuckling yet he felt bad for you. “you okay, y/n?” drinking his glass of soda.

youngmin leaned to johnny’s ear and cupped his hands in a whisper.

“daddy, auntie y/n is your babe.”

johnny’s eyes widened, coughing on his fizzling drink. “where did you learn that from, youngmin?” he whispered back in between coughs.

“auntie yewi, uncle mork.” he effortlessly said, and johnny’s eyes blinked in confusion, but he was so impressed to hear that this little toddler would probably be a heartthrob when he grows up.

“when did you hear them say.. ‘babe’?” he poked the small nose, clearing his throat.

“my birthday.”

johnny smiled in realisation, no wonder they stuck like glue recently. “uh huh.”

his attention changed from his son to you, who was wiping your eyes as it got teary. “i got an extra tshirt and basketball shorts that you can borrow. go get changed and we’ll watch a movie after.”

you hummed, also giggling at the funny situation earlier, “okay i give in.”

mrs. suh came out of the guest room; handing you a towel. “here, have a bath as well while you’re at it.” she turned to johnny when you walked towards the bathroom, “oh right john, we’re heading to your uncle’s place, we’ll be playing billards.”

“don’t tell me you both aren’t coming home again?” johnny asked in a shocking tone, though he knew very well his parents’ frequent night outs.

“yup, maybe.” his dad took his polo shirt that hung on his chair. “might have some beer pong too.”

johnny whined like a little kid, “man, you guys have it so easy. so unfair!” he then laughed, “i’m kidding, you guys have your fun. we’ll be having fun over here as well.”

you submerged yourself in the bath mrs. suh prepared before she left. the white tiled room slowly felt like a sauna, the windows and mirror fogging up as steam travelled around to empty spaces. this could open up your pores and the feeling was more than relaxing.

your eyes glanced at the sink, two cups filled with two toothbrushes each perked your attention. one cup had a larger toothbrush and one much smaller. it wasn’t hard to think it belonged to johnny and youngmin, a small smile creeping up your face.

it came across your mind, wondering how different johnny would be if he hadn’t had youngmin. would he still be the same johnny you knew? how was he like then? how his life was when it consisted just of.. him and minji? thinking too hard about it made you feel ridiculous for doing so.

you stood up and finished your bath, using the towel that was offered to you to pat yourself dry, and wearing the clothes johnny gave you. putting it on, it was then you realised: this was something couples.. would do.. slapping your cheeks lightly, you didn’t like how you thought things would mean something tonight. it just so happened you got your clothes dirty.

johnny’s ears twitched when he heard the bathroom door opening. the steam coming out and later your figure did. he swallowed his saliva in nervousness, why was he though? he shouldn’t be, but seeing you drying your hair with the towel and wearing his clothes that were obviously large on you made his ears heat up, shuffling on his seat on the sofa.

what is she being cute for?

“oh you got the area all prepared for movie night, nice.” you walked towards the living room that was filled with pillows and a few stuffed toys of youngmin’s on the sofa bed.

sitting down beside him, johnny stared at you making yourself comfortable, giving attention to youngmin who wanted to hug your arm. johnny didn’t mean to, but he again stared at how you wore his clothes and looked attractive in it. then his nostrils inhaled the familiar scent that made him hitch his breath.

she used my shampoo and shower gel.

johnny coughed to not make himself awkward. even if having realised his a gradual feelings towards you, he didn’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

you looked at him, then you realised water droplets were dripping onto the sofa. “wait i’ll blow dry my hair, then we can watch movies.” fetching yourself to stand up, youngmin called your name and jumped on you like he wanted to do a piggyback. “ah youngmin!-“

you let out a shriek at the sudden weight and inconveniently lose your balance. it made you lean foward to johnny and he caught you on time- his hands on your waist and shoulder, which was good until you saw that your faces were inches away from each other’s. again.

the position was awkward, the gesture made it look like you were trying to make a move. you thought that johnny would be in discomfort that you were almost on top of him. that was the opposite when you noticed he didn’t break eye contact and held it longer than you expected.

johnny knew how you affected him since crossing paths at the dean’s camp. and that he meant it in a good way. though his friends meant the world to him as well, he was happy that you were also a part of it.

he didn’t know he was staring at you for a while until he felt his arm receive droplets from your wet hair. “t-the hair blower’s under the sink. we’ll wait for you to finish.”

“r-right, yeah.” you brought yourself up to your feet, “be back in a bit.” leaving and holding your cheeks together.

youngmin ran across the sofa towards johnny, “daddy kiss y/n?”

johnny actually smiled at that, and he was so glad he didn’t. you were too precious to him, besides, the feelings weren’t mutual. he stood up and walked towards the refrigerator, grabbing a bottle of his favourite red wine and two wine glasses.

“nice, i like red wine too.” he heard you say, walking to get one from him. “you good with your liquor tolerance? i know i am.”

he snickered at you, “i can hold my liquor, watch me.” he smirked at you, challenging a drink off.

“dad i want juice too.” youngmin reached his hands up. “me too please.”

the three of you sat and watched a kid friendly movie, youngmin choosing lion king as his favourite because he sang with most of it. obviously, he watched it a number of times.

“cheers?” he held his glass out to you, while you returned the gesture.

“i like how we’re casually having wine in the presence of a two year old, it’s fancy.” you twirled your glass, looking at youngmin watching the musical segment of ‘i just can’t wait to be king.’

“yeah but he’s so much fancier, he’s got a grape juice bottle from his favourite snack store. guess what? it’s limited edition.” johnny chuckled when youngmin raised his plastic glass cup as well.

“you’re kidding.” you feigned a gasp, “no wonder he’s all smug tonight.”

it took about two more movies until youngmin fell asleep on the large bean bag halfway through the incredibles. you and johnny were on your fourth or fifth glass of wine, seated on the carpet by the coffee table. still challenging each other on wine tolerance.

“think you handle one more bottle? ‘cause i know i can.” your face all hot but can still form a stable sentence, doing a bunny smile.

“nah you’re just a show off. i bet you can’t last this glass i’m pouring for you.” johnny’s eyes all droopy, cheeks red and words slightly slurring. “you can’t beat me.”

“wanna bet?” you shrieked, pointing at him, drinking the half filled glass in one go. johnny laughed stupidly at how you nearly choked and he followed suit to race you.

he caught up to finish his own glass, the two of you placing the glasses on the coffee table. “ha! told ya i’m a good drinker!”

“and i’m the show off??” you snorted, licking your lips, laughing at the irony. “they say if you’re a good drinker, you’re a better kisser~”

johnny did his signature monotonous laugh, his cheek dimples appearing just under his eyes. “are you inviting me, y/n? are you saying you’re good at making out??”

your sleepy eyes just blinked at him, you couldn’t make out what he said because your hearing was getting muffled. and you hated to admit that he was right, that you couldn’t last after the last drink.

johnny knew the both of you were already tipsy, just borderline sober and not close to being drunk. well, he couldn’t even think straight at the moment. he heard you mumble something but he himself couldn’t understand a single word you said.

he figured he needed to go closer to you, and he heard you mumble incoherent words. “can you say it clearly, y/n?”

“ha?” you bubbled your lips, looking at him. “speak louder, johnny.”

johnny leaned closer to hear you properly. he held your face with his hand, your lips puckering up at the pressure of his hold on your cheeks. “i said say it clearly-“ his eyes were at eye level with yours but he stared at your lips instead: all plumped and kissable-

“but i am saying clearly-” your sentence cut short when you fell forwards, all knocked out. and johnny’s tipsy self suddenly became sober in a second.

he was certain he wasn’t imagining it, he felt it. he felt your lips brushed onto his before you leaned on his chest, asleep. though he couldn’t move a muscle because youngmin’s beanbag was next to him and you were by his other side: a sandwich in between two precious beings. so he slowly closed the wine bottles and put the glasses under the drawer so it couldn’t break.

johnny thanked the heavens you weren’t the type to vomit when drunk as he adjusted his position, as well as making you comfortable on his chest/ shoulder. managing to stretch his legs and placed a pillow behind his head, leaning on the sofa as the sandman finally worked his magic to put him in dreamland.

keys jingled and the door slowly opened, johnny’s parents chuckled in amusement seeing the three figures in front of them, all cuddled up and sleeping soundly.

———

johnny’s been mindful than before. you knew he has been, and likewise, you were to him as well. he had always felt like warm fuzzy blanket. he was that comfortable to be with.

you could consider him as a best friend given with how close you both became. despite the fact you had a crush on him, you kept that space between you two as to not make things shift quickly.

the following days have been busy, your schedule’s been packed with projects, meetings with several professors, and other dean lister’s duties. final year had never been so stressful. you, johnny, taeyong, sana, and kun would be wrapping up your university life next spring.

meeting up with the rest was nearly impossible, and when you did, it was only during lunch or short tea breaks. one of you would leave earlier than the others for the next class.

you had accepted that things were changing rather quickly. though something at the back of your mind was knocking your head into the stress line. it was needle in a haystack at this point to find out why.

it was evident that everyone was busy. especially johnny, you thought. holding two different majors was challenging already. but you knew johnny and the way he did things. he was smart and handled his responsibilities really well that tripping over wasn’t even on his list.

maybe you expected so much from him? because all you could make out was that johnny felt distant, he rarely texts you good mornings, coffee later’s, or even all the best’s (if there were any quizzes and projects involved). you wanted to get to the bottom of it by asking him directly, and every single time you wanted to, the timing was just too off.

the only thing you could do was to just wait. you weren’t the type to put your nose into someone’s else business. you weren’t the type to feel entitled to anything- maybe except to your estranged relationship towards your parents.

speaking of them either way, they’ve been at the campus premises since your breakdown, according to the stuff you’ve been hearing from sana and yeri. you were in doubt until you actually saw your dad suddenly being a guest professor on economics. the other time your mom being a requested thesis evaluator or judge, if you will, at some of the pushed back seniors from the year prior.

you’ve made eye contact with them, and something in them felt different as well. you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself and think that all is becoming well. you also hoped that they weren’t doing all that just to get on your good side and then it was all actually just a front.

so you gave it sometime to think long and hard about. what if your cries were finally heard? what if their walls were finally broken down? what if you reached their heartstrings and tugged it down to soften their tough demeanours?

were all of your feelings and heavy words that day? you prayed that they were.

you then checked your calendar and journal for any outstanding tasks left undone. a smile you did only clarified that you finished everything on the list.

your phone lit up, seeing a text message from someone you never thought of receiving from. the partner you were matched with on loveclick.

[ dudekuma ] : “Hi @dandeliondreams! How’s it going?”

your eyes blinked at your phone, pulling a face at it as well. the heck is this username yoohyeon made for you? the app’s been iffy since you started using it. at least you didn’t have to download unnecessary updates anymore.

[ dudekuma ] : “i know we’ve been matched a few months back, but i was hoping we could talk properly now after the app’s not jammed.”

you carefully took your phone to unlock it, replying to this guy. it had been a few months since you last used it and you still found this weird.

[ you ] : “hi. actually.. i’m available. just finished studying.”

[ dudekuma ] : “studying? is the early childhood course that demanding?”

snickering a laugh, you thought this guy was very on point. he wasn’t wrong though.

[ you ] : “i guess you could say that. you’re a business major, @dudekuma? you’re really putting your major into use.”

[ dudekuma ] : “we’re getting to know each other, it’s normal hahah. listen, i could really use some advise right now.”

[ you ] : “sure, i hope i could help?”

[ dudekuma ] : “there’s this girl my friend really likes, but he’s not sure how to tell her because there’s someone in the way. he’s not really in good terms with that ‘someone’, so he’s kinda stuck with that.”

raising a brow, you questioned this person. what was he, a high schooler who never dated? but how could you say that when you yourself never dated as well? guess same feathers flock together. so you just went with what your guts felt.

[ you ] : “if your friend really likes her, then he shouldn’t care about that other someone and just tell her straight away. if he’s affected by that someone, then he’s not ready at all to face obstacles if he’s in a relationship. maybe there will be someone else better.”

it took a while for your phone to beep again.

[ dudekuma ] : “straight on. you’re good at this, experienced?”

[ you ] : “not really, it’s common sense tho.”

[ dudekuma ] : “ahaha, gotcha! well it’s nice talking to you for a bit. i gotta go for classes. if you’re ready to meet in person or for a date, just hmu here!”

[ you ] : “yeah, sure.”

exiting the application, your placed your phone on your chest and stared at the ceiling.

that was weird.

———

yeri stared at you texting away at your phone, like you’ve been using it more often than she was used to seeing. even if she was doing her facial routine with a face mask, she could see you smiling at your phone like an idiot through the bathroom mirror.

she hesitantly reached for her phone, shooting a text message to mark.

[🐢] : “babe? is johnny busy? 👀”

[🦁] : “babe, we’re dating and you’re asking for johnny hyung? my heart 💔”

[🐢] : “just.. answer the question, is johnny using his phone? 🤔”

[🦁] : “nope, he’s giving youngmin a bath. why? 👀”

[🐢] : “okay, ‘cause i think y/n’s using loveclick, like i see her on it all the time 🥲 did something happen between them?”

[🦁] : “not that i know of, i don’t stay here at their dorms, only if i need to babysit 🤗. maybe she’s just watching a movie or something.”

[🐢]: “ok, then. i hope she is though.”

[🦁]: “hey, we got nothing to worry about. for all i know, they’re in good terms. they’re just busy with their final year. we can’t assume anything.”

you giggled at your phone for rewatching friends, the show was such a stress reliever. you started season 1 just earlier this week and now you’re hooked to season 3. never gets old, you told yourself.

taking peek at yeri who officially decided to move in your and yoohyeon’s dorm, she was sure taking her time on her morning routine since the school’s on holiday for a few days due to staff development day. fall was closing in so they wanted to have time before midterms come along for the underclassmen.

a tab appeared on the top of your screen, a text message from johnny made you sit up, your stomach churning.

[ johnny ] : “hi y/n, i know we haven’t been meeting up much but i was hoping if you could babysit youngmin again this coming week? i’m kinda busy.”

[ you ] : “yeah sure, i could do that.”

[ you ] : “are you okay?

it took sometime for him to reply you.

[ johnny ] : “yeah, just a lot going on this school year🥲”

[ you ] : “okay. i hope you can get through it, besides, we’re graduating next year. a penny for thoughts? 👀”

[ johnny ] : “i’m good, thank you. i’ll drop youngmin off on wednesday morning, okay? 🙇🏻‍♂️”

[ you ] : “okay! i’ll see you both then 🤗”

johnny stared at his phone all blank. with all the things that was on his mind, he didn’t know why guilt was building in his chest. he didn’t deserve you at all. he was the type to convey his feelings through communication and he found that ideal to do in any relationship.

somehow, for the first time, he was left tongue-tied. he couldn’t find the right words to say. for the first time, he was stuck in a quicksand not knowing how to lift himself up. and he had never experienced something like this before.

“mr. suh? we’re about to do the ultrasound, the image will show on the monitor in a bit.” the ob-gyn’s voice entered his hearing, smiling as she held the transducer, placing it on minji’s stomach.

“baby’s all healthy.. and-” the ob-gyn continued to explain.

minji gave a small smile as she looked on the screen, looking foward to the baby’s image, listening to the heartbeat heard when it was spotted. she held johnny’s hand while at it, the action he hadn’t felt in a long time.

his eyes trailed to the person who initiated it. it made him clench his jaw, expressionless. he didn’t know what to feel, at least, at the moment.

it was bittersweet.

it was vague.

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taglist: @titanmaknae29 @joepomonerof @lovesuhng @studyingthemind @cheyehc @kyeomooniee @geysuuuuh @mrkleelvr

[whispering-radiance]

| OC posting | Yapping about my Ocs and Glow of Amber AU

I’ve gotten a big ask from @meyexe , so I decided to make it into a post — I will discuss some of their questions

Okey, let’s get through this "I guess I'll just wait until you talk about the Ninja Clan before I ask questions." Clan of the first ninja is pretty much dead, and he is the sole survivor. There were nine of them– first few died while battling the sorcerer, others probably from injuries or illnesses, and the rest burned during the great fire started by Tengu.

"How did Eiko start working with the gods? With the help of "mother"?" There definitely wasn’t any help from her mother – She pretty much discovered this path on her own. And she didn’t start with gods right away – she started working with small, gentle spirits, and slowly made herself visible to those residing in heavens. Maybe the fact that she came from the amber goddess helped her gain some recognition? Becoming someone great definitely was one of the driving forces for Eiko. 

"We know Ninja works hard. But we cannot rule out the possibility of spending time with children outside the context of training or the like. What could it be in your opinion?"

Well, there definitely was something more in their lives than just training sessions. They did most of the things as family, even such basic things as going to the market. But besides activities like that, I think they might have played instruments together, each one played something different : I imagine Eiko playing Koto (箏), Nomi on Shamisen (三味線) and First ninja could play the Shakuhachi (尺八) .I guess Fninja wanted to pass everything he knew and ensure his family’s traditions lived on.

"Can Ninja be a good father?" Oh I have to bring out the heavy guns for this one – I’ve written many father figures throughout the years, so I have a thing or two to say. I’m sure he was a good father and his children were his center of attention – And I think it’s because of his previous loss of brothers and sisters. Now he’s the one ensuring protection –when he used to be one getting protected by other members of his clan. 

Now, he might have been a good dad, but that doesn't mean he was a good person. I’m not saying he’s evil, or bad, just that he went through a lot and holds more trauma on his back than my middle school Ocs. He would often react out of “fight or flight” instinct, and the whole ninja work would definitely stress him out. So I imagine he often needed time alone from everything, and he might have even raised his voice on Eiko and Nomi occasionally. That being said, I don’t think he would have considered his children a burden or a curse – In my opinion he felt blessed with the opportunity to preserve his clan’s lineage .

"Nomi, most likely, can talk to her father as an equal person, referring to her mentality, but he remains a child. This, however, did not stop Nomi from disobeying him, or even on the contrary, it helped. Could they communicate on some complex and confusing topics?"

I’m not sure what you meant by “confusing topics” but they most likely did talk on many difficult topics. But maybe the more philosophical conversations started in his teen years, rather than childhood.

"Are Eiko and Nomi fighting? (I think this is a common thing for a brother and sister;" Of course – but those never were serious, bloody fights, just casual arguments over small things

"Is it possible to come to Amber at this time? Does Eiko do this? Did Ninja or Nomi come to her after she left?" What I’ve imagined for her is that she created an amber seal to stop the great evil from coming to human world, and to ensure the seal would remain strong, she also trapped herself in it – She held it together for ages but in recent years the seal started losing its strength – Soon it might crack just like the Eye of eternities did.

I don’t think there was a possibility of visiting her, it might have happened in a hard to reach place, perhaps underground or under the mountain.

She's a girlboss holding Yamato no Orochi trapped so that he can't hurt anyone

"Did Amber leave something as a memento of herself? She could give the children a piece of amber with some cool magic."

Both Eiko and Nomi carry a piece of amber with themselves – it glows brighter if she’s near – it’s like a compass for a possible reunion.

I think she’d left something very powerful for Fninja – because lovers of the gods usually get the good stuff

+ I guess that’s all for now — I’m not sure what else I can add to this post…— Perhaps a timeline is needed but even this needs some thought—

+ I think Amber left her kids when they were around 7 or 8 — but she wasn’t there for them during their teen years

+ Yamato no Orochi tried to emerge from the shadow realm to try and free sorcerer, steal his powers and destroy the human world. Amber sacrificed herself to protect everything (she’s alive; but forced to be trapped in her own seal with the monster)

[princeanxious]

Hi! I was wondering about your Lost Guardian au from ages ago, do you think you’ll ever plan on updating it and if not, could someone else take up the fic?

So heres the thing. If someone wants to write a fic *inspired* by The Lost Guardian, i’m not gonna stop them, and i’d probably feel super honored so long as the inspiration was correctly credited!

As for ‘taking up the fic,’ the short answer is no.

I have active drafts and the rest of the story already planned out to its finish, notes, even a branch-off fic set post-story that will likely go up on my nsfw blog if i ever get around to editing it. The Lost Guardian hasn’t been abandoned, it’s simply on hiatus. (And yes, i recognize 3 almost 4 years so far is a really fucking long hiatus. The Chapter 9 draft doc was made in december of 2020, and last edited in July 2022)

I started writing that fic whilst still in highschool, a time where I was 17 and didnt have to worry yet about getting my license or maintaining a part time job, i had an over abundance of freetime even partially to my detriment, the fandom was booming and I had plenty of feedback, and this fic was (and still *is*) a story im proud of.

But i’m 22 now, working a full time job to pay rent and account for a number of minor ‘disabilities’(best word i have for them atm) that I cant ignore or push to the side nor treat poorly, from the lasting effects on my body of stunted growth to celiac/glutent intolerance to adhere to that directly determines how easily my body functions for the week, to dealing with glasses i cannot afford to break and taking care of teeth i cannot afford to fix, taking care of my mental health and using the free time i have to do what brings me the most joy at that time.

The sanders sides fandom has heavily quieted down with the season finale hiatus and I’d like to think I did pretty well for going six long years dedicated solely to that without cracking under the silence, because *I knew* when I caved to something else it’d be a long while before I had the drive to come back with any sort of resolution to my active works. Thats just how my hyper fixations work. I cannot focus on multiple at once, it’s too much to process simultaneously and takes away my enjoyment bc I tend to watch/consume things repeatedly to catch every little detail i missed. And it doesn’t help when one loses steam because their content barely breaks 100 notes(80% of which are likes, 15% are reblogs with the occasional comment, and 5% are self-reblogs) when back in the height of it all, a few thousand notes was pretty average interaction. This blog still has about 11.5k followers, almost all of which came from the height of the fandom period. So for now i’ve moved onto the FNAF DCA fandom, bc it is fresh and new to me.

I know you didn’t mean to poke the bear here, I get it, but like.. C’mon. Any other fic of mine likely wouldn’t have gotten the same reaction in full but, still. I’ve had to answer this question a handful of times over the years at the point, which might be why this response feels so charged, and i’m sorry.

I don’t mean to come off as snippy or rude, but it *is* kind of invasive to offer to finish one’s creative work when it’s taking too long and theres very little payback for it. I’ve got adhd, delayed satisfaction isn’t a thing I experience. Just guilt that it wasn’t finished in a way for me to post it in time before I broke and lost all motivation to share it.

In my head, TLG has been long finished and held the ending for years, theres just been no energy to put in the effort of finish writing it for others to read. I’m still trying to get my life together to change that, don’t get me wrong, but the American economy is literally in shambles so who knows how or even if i’ll manage that. Call me selfish for being content with only mentally having my creative story’s ending and a collection of rambles and notes to show for it, but at the end of the day, it’s still my story, and i dont feel comfortable with people trying to ‘take up the mantle’ to finish it, when they don’t know how it ends.

I’m glad you like it enough to want to, though, I really *really* am. I’m just sorry I haven’t been able to finish it for you all. And i just don’t know when that will be, I just know that I *want* to do so, however long it takes.