#I don’t have trauma around being gay and outed before I was ready! what are you talking about? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

neurodiversebones · 3 years

Text

autistic brennan !!!

in my autistic opinion... here you go. a SLIGHTLY more organized version of what i have dropped in the DMs of anyone who is willing to listen, copy and pasted from a google doc i have so eloquently named "bones is fucking autistic" !!

this headcanon is like. 95% confirmed, which kind of makes my heart do a little "!!!" <3 idk brennan means a Lot to me and always did as a young autistic afab person :-) so here you go !! (under the cut)

okay SO here is my explanation for my headcanon, explained in bullet points- this took up multiple google docs pages so i hope you're ready

emotional display:

has absolutely zero poker face- we see this frequently. there are too many instances to count where she cannot hide her facial expressions !! it is also referenced by booth in late season 8, and i think a few other characters have mentioned it throughout the series?

this is especially in the earlier seasons, but her response to stress and trauma is Very Neurodivergent. she rarely has an outward response- it's so rare to see her cry before season 7/8 ?? this could also definitely be a trauma thing but like,,, trauma symptoms and autistic traits are unfortunately hard to differentiate between because autistic people tend to go through more traumatic situations

not exactly emotional display, but similar- she clearly has alexithymia, or something of the sort (basically, she struggles to recognize her own emotions). this is exhibited a few times- the one i can remember right now is "i don't understand what i'm feeling" "you understand happy, right?" (conversation with angela, season 9). this is actually something i have rarely seen in a character- at least not done well. it makes me very happy !!!

empathy:

she struggles to understand why others would think differently than her- her view of the world is Correct in her eyes, and she finds it difficult to look from someone else's point of view. this frequently ends in her criticizing those around her- her view of the world is incredibly black and white, so when others disagree with her, she believes they must be wrong.

extension of the black and white thinking- she doesn't understand concepts, no matter how hard she tries. she needs evidence and proof. examples of this would be her views on god/religion, love (pre-season 6), and marriage (pre-season 8)

despite her lack of empathy toward people, she exhibits a lot of empathy toward animals. this is actually a really common autistic trait?? examples of this would be her emotional attachment to the dogs in 4x04, or her explosive reaction to finding out the tiger was killed in 8x04

social/conversational skills:

this is probably her most obvious and easily recognizable autistic trait- it's what made me go "she's autistic" after watching a few episodes

she does not understand jokes or sarcasm very well- she frequently gets confused by jokes, explaining why they aren't funny or don't make sense, especially pop culture jokes. when she does understand jokes or pop culture references, she gets very excited and explains them out loud, even though everyone around her already understands (just adding- i love this so much ?? her explaining jokes is Very Cute. i'm sorry i'm a simple gay who can't go ten minutes without declaring my love for her)

struggles with small talk and social niceties- this is used as a joke in nearly every episode. she doesn't do small talk well- preferring to talk about topics that are actually important or interest her. she doesn't see the need for most social conventions either, which leads to her frequently being seen as rude.

she misses social cues in conversations- she frequently brings up topics that are probably not Appropriate for the setting (talking about dead bodies in a restaurant, talking about sex while standing over a dead body, etc.)

she is incredibly literal, and doesn't understand metaphorical speak. this goes hand in hand with the not understanding jokes- she takes many phrases at face value, sometimes confusing others

tone:

she frequently comes off as cold or blunt without meaning to be- many people read her as "heartless" or just uninterested because of the way she speaks, even when she is very invested.

i don't know how to explain this other than her speaking pattern is Very Autistic- the way she pauses mid sentence all the time, the facial expressions she makes while speaking, it's all autism babey !!!

intense focus on one topic:

okay it's very obvious that her special interests are forensics and anthropology

she gets hyperfocused, often losing herself in her work and putting herself through the ringer for it. she puts her work above (almost) everything, and has stated on multiple occasions that she would be nothing without her work.

she often explains the things around her with references to anthropology and ancient civilizations- she uses these references to explain her feelings, the situations she's in, and frequently, to solve crimes. things make sense to her when she thinks about them like this.

not engaging with peers in an "expected" way:

she is often showed to have difficulty getting close with people- she doesn't like showing emotion to others, and would rather just talk about the task at hand. this could very well be explained by her trauma background- but i believe it's probably a bit of both.

she finds it difficult to bond with her peers over common things, like pop culture, and rather talks about work or other things. she doesn't open up to a lot of people, even those who she is incredibly close with.

other/misc.:

stimming !! this doesn't have enough instances to get its own section, but i like to interpret that wonder woman scene as vestibular stimming, purely because i love to spin and jump !!!!

detail oriented, to the point of obsession. it's common for autistic people to get caught up in the details of things, which she definitely does.

views on sexuality differ from the "norm"- she is very critical of monogamy during the first half of the series, and does not see the point in marriage. also she's definitely arospec, just putting that out there <3

i am autistic and i love her therefore i'm right

final notes:

i think she's one of my favourite autistic characters to exist- i usually despise the socially awkward detective trope, but it's handled well here. the people around her don't expect her to change the innate aspects of who she is- rather, they love her unconditionally (even if they are exasperated at times- which is natural to feel with people that you love)

i very much like that they didn't go with the socially awkward + smart = unattractive trope either- she knows that she's hot, and so do the people around her. i'm so sick of nerdy girls not being allowed to be hot 😭 especially when it comes to autistic-coded characters- let autistic people have sex lives 2k21

she just,,, holds a very special place in my heart. as an undiagnosed autistic afab kid, she meant a lot to me. i saw a woman on screen who was smart like me and sometimes confused people because of her intelligence, who didn't really get social situations, who didn't know how to express how she felt. she was like me- and she loved herself, and people loved her. she's a very important character to me and has been since i was really young <3

thank you SO MUCH to anybody who read this- brennan is the loml and i will infodump about her until the end of time

#bones tv #bones on fox #temperance brennan #bonestv #brennan #emily deschanel #autistic headcanon #autistic pride #actuallyautistic #autistic brennan #autistic bones #autistic characters #autism #autistic #neurodivergent #my headcanons

312 notes · View notes

bellakitse · 4 years

Text

Nothing ever stays the same

Farmer's Market redux.

A few days after running into his parents at the farmer's market, Carlos and TK run into them again. This time Carlos tells them who TK really is to him.

Spoilers for 2.04

They give the farmer’s market another try. TK suggests it since they didn’t get a chance to explore all of it the last time. Carlos agrees, even though he’s a little tentative about it.

TK swears up and down they’re okay and spends the rest of the week at his place. Carlos thinks it’s both to reassure him they’re fine and because Owen and Gwyneth are acting weirder than ever around everyone.

“They’re both jumpy as hell and secretive,” TK mentions as they walk around the market hand in hand, stopping here and there at different stalls. He smiles sweetly at the old lady that offers him to try one of her organic strawberries. Carlos watches him as he bites into it, smiling as TK’s smile grows at the taste. He opens his mouth when TK turns to him, offering him a piece, and nods when he asks if they should get a pound of the berries.

“What do you think is up with them?” he asks curiously after paying the woman.

“Oh god, who even knows with those two,” TK answers with exasperated fondness. It’s a familiar tone for TK when talking about his parents and their weird relationship. “I rather not speculate, to be honest. I don’t need any more parental trauma,” he says with a dry smile that says he’s only half-joking.

Carlos lets out a sympathetic sound before touching his shoulder, tugging him gently towards him. He’s relieved when TK comes into his space without hesitation. Even though TK has repeatedly told him everything is okay between them and understands his situation, Carlos can’t help but be unsure. He knows he really hurt TK just a few days ago in this very place, and the thought has been plaguing him since. He can’t stop thinking of when they first began and how TK’s reluctance to define them hurt him. But back then, they weren’t in love. If TK denied them now, he’d be heartbroken.

It kills Carlos that he did that, allowing his fears to take over, hurting the man he loves.

“Hey,” TK questions quietly, his green eyes soft and loving. “Where did you go? You were a million miles away just now.”

He shakes his head and forces a smile on his face hoping it’s enough to distract TK. The sad, knowing look on TK’s face tells Carlos it isn’t. He winces at the loud sigh he lets out.

TK reaches out, touching his thumb to his brow, smoothing it over, and Carlos can’t help a sound of his own at the gentle touch. He closes his eyes as TK leans in, pressing his lips to his temple as he hugs Carlos to his side.

“Stop feeling guilty already,” he murmurs against his skin, huffing out a dry laugh when Carlos tries to deny it. He gives Carlos a look as he pulls back. “It’s like you think I can’t read you like a book by now. I see every worried look you send my way. It looks like you’ve had a stomach ache for days now, enough, baby,” TK lightly scolds him, his affection for him shining through it. “We’re moving past it, okay?” he finishes in a serious tone.

Carlos looks at him and finds nothing hidden behind his eyes he doesn’t mean. He opens his mouth to say yes, that he’ll listen this time and move on from their fight when he stops short, the reason for their argument standing by the cheese stall a few feet away from them. “You gotta be kidding me,” he whispers, honestly shocked at the chances. Since when do his parents visit the farmer’s market so damn much?

TK turns his neck to follow his line of sight; he tenses against him when he finds what he’s looking at. “Damn, what are the odds,” he says under his breath. He turns back towards him with a smile so forced on his face, Carlos thinks he actually hears his heart break from seeing it. “I’m going to take a walk around the corner before they see me. You go say hi.”

TK takes a step away from him without waiting for an answer, and Carlos realizes he’s serious; he’s really willing to hide to make sure he’s comfortable. Carlos has never loved and hurt more for someone in his life. He sticks out his hand, taking TK’s before he can take another step away from him.

“No,” he says softly but firm even as his heart pounds like a jackrabbit against his ribcage as he comes to a decision. He’s scared, he can hear his pulse roaring in his ears, but he refuses to let TK feel like he did days ago; he won’t let them go through that again. “No,” he repeats once more as he gives TK’s hand a squeeze. “Nothing ever stays the same,” he reminds him of his comment from the other night, getting a quirk of TK’s lips in return. “And I don’t want it to.”

TK’s eyes widen as he gets his meaning; they stray to Carlos’ parents. They still haven’t noticed them but probably will in a matter of seconds. “Are you sure?” he asks, concerned. “This doesn’t have to happen now, I meant what I said.”

“I know,” Carlos cuts him off, knowing TK has been nothing but sincere since their talk. TK is more than willing to let him set the pace to this, and Carlos couldn’t possibly love him more for it, which is why he can’t hide him from the people he loves. “Come on,” he whispers, tugging on his hand as he starts to walk towards his parents. He feels TK give it a squeeze of his own.

“Mami, Dad,” he calls out to them, getting surprised smiles in return as they turn towards him.

“Carlitos!” his mother says happily, as his dad lets out a chuckle.

“Twice in one week at the same place,” he says with a grin. “Is the farmer’s market where first responders hang out these days? In my days, we’d just hit a bar,” he teases.

Carlos tries to smile at the joke, but his focus is on his mom, who has quickly zeroed in on his and TK’s clasped hands. She looks up at him with wide, surprised eyes.

She stares at him for a moment more, understanding entering her brown eyes. “Oh,” she says softly.

“Yeah,” he whispers back with his heart in his throat. “Mami, Dad – this is TK,” he says before looking back at him, not at all surprised at the love and support he finds in his gaze. “He’s my boyfriend, and the man I’m madly in love with.”

He turns back to them, finding their attention on him, though they both stray a look at TK once more. “I lied the other day because I was scared,” he tells them, answering their silent question. “You guys and I don’t talk about me being gay, and for years that has worked out fine,” he says, holding up a hand when his father opens his mouth to speak. “I know you guys love and accept me, but it’s been easier all these years to just ignore the elephant in the room because there was never anyone that really mattered to me.”

Carlos turns to look at TK once more, smiling at him as his heartbeat settles into a peaceful rhythm. He knows, no matter what happens next, everything will be fine because he has TK.

“That’s changed now,” he finishes knowing how true it is.

There is silence between the four of them for a moment before his father clears his throat. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, TK,” he says with a small but sincere smile.

“Yes,” his mother follows gently. “Very nice to meet you.”

TK swallows first before giving them a smile of his own; it’s nervous at the edges but beautiful. “It’s very nice to meet you too.”

His mother smiles at TK the same smile she usually reserves for him, it’s welcoming and kind, and it loosens the tension in Carlos’ shoulders. Proving she misses nothing, she instantly catches it, her expression changing once more as she looks back at him.

“You were scared to tell us about your relationship,” she comments quietly, looking sad when he gives her a shaky nod. “Oh, Carlitos,” she lets out a sigh before taking a step towards him.

Carlos swallows hard as she looks up at him, holding his breath when she reaches out, touching his cheek. “Tu sabes que te amamos, no importar qué, si? Siempre mijo, we love you,” she says sternly with tears in her eyes.

Carlos looks over at his dad, who looks affected by her words too. “Listen to her, son,” he says gruffly. “Your mother is always right.”

“That’s right,” his mother answers smugly, as she gives him a watery smile. She pats his cheek lovingly before she looks over at TK again.

“You have a kind face,” she tells him, chuckling when TK blushes a bit. “Sweet boy,” she grins. “I can’t wait to get to know you better.”

“Maybe Carlos can bring him to Tia Lucy’s,” his father suggests suddenly, and Carlos lets out a startled laugh at the way his mother lights up.

“Yes,” she says enthusiastically. “Oh, you have to, Carlitos. You know how Tia Lucy loves pretty boys. She’ll adore him.”

“I would love to take him,” he says after clearing his throat, still a little shell-shocked at the turn of events. “That is if TK is okay with it.”

TK nods quickly as a bright smile takes over his face, and Carlos has to hide his own as his mother’s eyes widen in response; he understands her reaction perfectly. It’s taken months to not be completely overwhelmed by TK’s beauty.

“Okay, then,” his father says with a clap of his hands. “That’s settled then, we’ll see you both on Sunday. TK – “ he continues as he holds out his hand to him. “It was nice to officially meet you. You’re okay for a firefighter.”

“Thank you, sir,” TK chuckles as he shakes his hand.

Carlos is pulled into a hug by his mother and then his father, both of them squeezing him tight. His mother surprises both him and TK by pulling him into his own hug. She whispers something into his ear that causes TK to smile again as he nods at her.

They watch them leave, rounding the corner before TK turns to him with the gentlest smile he’s ever seen.

“I’m so proud of you,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around him before the first tear falls down Carlos’ face.

He shakes, but TK just holds him tighter, running his hands up and down his back. Whispering that he’s there, and he has him until Carlos can take a steady breath. When he pulls back to look at him again, TK is ready, wiping the tears off his cheeks.

“What did my mother say to you?” he asks, holding his breath at the bright smile TK gives him.

“She thanked me for loving you,” he tells him, causing Carlos to swallow around another lump of emotion forming in his throat.

“She’s right,” he whispers as he leans in, pressing his forehead against TK’s. They stay like that, blind to the world around them. Right now, there is nothing but TK and his love in Carlos’ world. “Thank you for loving me.”

TK closes his eyes, his adoring smile firmly in place. “Loving you, Carlos, is the easiest thing I have ever done.”

translation for what Carlos' mother says to him: You know we love you, no matter what, right? Always, son

#911 lone star #tarlos #911 lone star fic #tarlos fic #tk x carlos #my writing

368 notes · View notes

crushing-on-nico-di-angelo · 4 years

Note

This is kind of a random question but...

Do you know why people hate Rick Riordan?

I just have no information, and I’ve seen a lot of stuff lately talking about how he’s problematic.

hi!! yes, I've seen things about this as well. I can list the reasons I've seen. I don't agree with all the points made, but its just what I've seen and I think it may answer your question. I also recommend going through the tag #rr crit, as it will give you a lot more and detailed information regarding him (beware: there are quite a few buzzwords. I recommend taking the facts and forming your own conclusions). I also think it's important to note that many people don't hate him, but they acknowledge that since he's a cishet white man there's things he didn't handle well and he needs to listen to critisicm.

Completely mishandled Piper's native American heritage. From the feather in her hair, to her dad being from a reservation that doesn't exist in Oklahoma, to having kaleidoscope eyes (some say that it suggests brown eyes aren't beautiful enough for aphrodite, more on this in the next bullet), to being a kleptomaniac, her character is, ignorantly or purposefully, chock full of stereotypes. having a cornucopia being her weapon. when Rick was told that this isn't good he became defensive and didn't listen to any critisicm

not giving female characters chances to be young, or not have a boyfriend or be unconventionally attractive. if they do get to not have a boyfriend, they're thrown into the Hunters of Artemis. their eyes are anything but brown (I do disagree with the eye thing but it's important to note), suggesting that having brown eyes should be considered less than. Sadie got a 1000 year old boyfriend when she was 14. 13 year old Hazel had a 16 year old boyfriend-- that could be a seventh grader and a junior or a freshman and sophomore depending on how you look at it (and I LOVE frazel, don't get me wrong. the age gap is just,,). in fact, the only female non-hunter without a significant other I can name is Meg, and she's 12.

Sadie Kane and the fanart he boosts of her. he frequently shows her looking completely white, despite saying she "stood out in class for being mixed." It honestly wouldn't surprise me if a white girl were cast to play her in the Netflix movies.

treatment of characters with invisible disabilities. this can range from the coment of "You anemic loser" targeted at Octavian (as someone with an iron deficiency, I don't see anything wrong with it, but cmon. kids can see that, rick. you can't control anemia) to Clovis' chronic fatigue being treated as a joke. invisible disabilities are hard and just as painful as physical ones. it doesn't help if you treat them like that.

too much misogyny to list all of it, but we can start with young girls being expected to be, and acting, more mature than they are; the strong female characters portraying the "I'm not like other girls" trope; the entire way Hera was treated.

The way Nico's outing was handled (this is one I especially disagree with, and this post said it best, thanks ghost). A violent outing by the God of love taking place before Nico was ready, according to some, was not what younger gay people needed to see. he should have had a loving environment and, at the very least, it should have been from his own point of view and not Jason's.

anti-acne and fat phobia: Apollo having a deep hatred towards his acne and Frank's glow up including severe weight loss (not being a cuddly teddybear anymore, getting taller) isn't the best thing for kids who have acne or are fat to see.

Samirah al-Abbas: "reversing the stereotype (Rick's words)" of an arranged marriage by having her be in love with a distant cousin is... not reversing the stereotype at all actually. it just falls into it. Having her take off her hijab around floor 19 because they feel like family is also not great, because, to my understanding as a non-hijabi and non-muslim, that is not how being hijabi works. similar to the piper situation, when Rick was told that this isn't good he became defensive and didn't listen to any critisicm

ANTISEMITISM, ANTISEMETISM, ANTISEMITISM. this is one of the ones I agree with the most. Having Hades' children be Nazis, having a plot point revolve around one of the most traumatic events in world history, ignoring the fact of generational trauma and ignoring the fact that It Didn't Matter That It Took Place In World War Three, it could have not had any correlation to the death of over six million Jewish people. it legitimizes evilsurrounding Hades and death, and -- well, this one makes me so mad, I can't explain all of it so here is a post explaining more in depth

Slavery issues: similar to the holocaust, Rick Riordan made one of the most terrible issues in American History into a fight between demigods. this lowers the legitimacy of the issue, makes it seem fictional, makes Camp Jupiter seem terrible and awful, except it doesn't. because camp Jupiter isn't terrible. but the confederacy was. if children, especially white children, learn about the confederacy through camp Jupiter, it makes it seem way less bad than it was.

again, I don't agree with all of this, it's just reasoning as to why. in my eyes, Rick Riordan is a man who has grown in his telling of his stories. he started with a canonical all white, all straight, all cis cast. he has now a series featuring a latino genderfluid queer person. This Post said it better than I ever could.

I know that it's impact over intent in so many situations. and this isn't to say I disagree with all, or even most of his critisim. I just think that he has good intent, and I hate him for absolutely none of it.

I am gay, I am Latino, and I am trans. that is all I can speak on, and I think his rep for that was great. I hope this answered your question, dear anon. again, I encourage you to do your own research and form your own opinions. I only touched on a few issues that Rick has had and there's a lot more to be talked about. I would say to keep in mind his intent and his growth. thank you for the ask, thank you for directing it to me that made me feel happy lol. ily I hope you have a good day

if anyone else has anything to add, by all means please do!!

#rr crit #ask #anon ask #you can click that tag dear anon!!#pjo #percy jackson and the olympians #piper mclean #nico di angelo #samirah al abbas #long post #rick riordan criticism

281 notes · View notes

that-bi-bitch-writes · 4 years

Text

A Cursed Reality-JJK x M!Reader (Ch.2)

Question: Do you guys prefer longer chapters or shorter chapters? I’ve been making an effort to write longer chapters but if you hate reading them I’ll write them less.

Warnings: fluff, comparison of Inumaki’s speech to a disability/handicap, cursing. Dislike of Maki (Not me. wrong bitch. I love her)

Previous || Next

Chapter Two:

[Name] actively dislikes hanging out with the second years. Not that they’re bad people in any way, it’s just he’s anxious and awkward, and even after spending a year familiarizing himself with the school and the people in it, there’s like a small group of people he would invite to his birthday party.

That and he just doesn’t care for Maki Zen’in. And it is most definitely mutual. To him, she’s just pretty. She also won’t die in a battle between her and a curse below first grade. But that’s about the end of her appeal. Of course, Panda is fun to tease but he typically plays the peacemaker between the second years. [Name] would rather not care about people in peace.

There’s no dramatic reason to it all, it’s just [Name] didn’t really come to Jujutsu Tech by choice so he hadn’t intended on making friends. He obviously failed considering he befriended Inumaki within his first day and they have some homoromantic vibes going on in their friendship.

That’s not to say you can’t platonic cuddle with your best friend but when you longingly gaze into each other’s eyes and he’s the only friend you’ve made besides an annoyingly hyper 30-year-old because no one else understands you like he does… And it kind of goes both ways considering you’re the only person he trusts himself enough to have a full-on conversation with.

Yeah, it’s not looking very good for the argument that they’re not gay. They’re not though. At least not now.

“[Name]”

“Yeah toge?”

“You look like you’ve got something on your mind” Inumaki responded. And although he had plenty of experience saying words, having a conversation without using safe words felt a little weird. It was an aspect of who he was now and [Name] being immune to the cursed speech wouldn’t erase the problems he had with talking and it didn’t make [Name] his savior or soulmate.

Luckily [Name] was both lonely and not a complete asshole because he had no problems adapting to the switch between Toge’s ‘onigiri glossary’. Learning it was actually a really fun experience because it turns out Inumaki did not have the exact translation of all his safe words. He would just say an ingredient and [Name] had to fill in the blanks. There was a lot of trial and error and a lot of [Name] smiling down at Inumaki’s concentrated face.

“I was just thinking.” [Name] broke the contemplative silence.

“Hmm”

“You know” [Name] started again “... They say it was believed people kept their souls in their throats” and as Inumaki gave a confused denial (“fish flakes”) [Name] was internally panicking on whether or not he should keep going with this specific train of thought or make a joke to deflect from the very real and emotional but corny statement he was about to utter.

“Ah fuck it. I want to exercise the curses in the world or at least enough to keep you safe so you don’t keep damaging your soul when you use your cursed technique”

“Sujiko”

[Name] looked at Inumaki. And as if breaking off pieces of his soul didn’t matter to him, Inumaki spoke, a short sentence that stunned [Name] into silence

“I love you”

If Gojo hadn’t come in, they might’ve kissed.

“[Name]-kun!!!”

Aaaand [Name]’s sentimental mood was gone. Don’t get him wrong, Gojo definitely would get an invite to [Name]’s birthday party, but the man was like 30 running around being overly cheerful and with that teasing nature he was definitely repressing some trauma. He also definitely had some of the worst timing

“What is it Gojo?”

“No sensei at the end? So mean!

“Fushiguro was sent out to find a cursed object but he’s been out all day with no calls back home or anything. Of course I plan on going to check on my beloved student, but I am busy for the next hour or so. Can you please check on him? For your favorite sensei?”

“My favorite sensei is actually Nanami and he’s not even a sensei but yeah I’ll check on the emo kid”

‘You’re pretty emo yourself dude’ Gojo thought to himself

“Ah Thank you [Name]-kun. You’re a lifesaver” Gojo called out behind him as he left to do whatever it is crazy white haired ‘old’ men do.

‘He’s/I’m totally not doing this for free’ both [Name] and Inumaki thought at the same time.

[Name] got up suddenly and started getting ready to leave paying no attention to Inumaki who watched him get ready with a casual interest. Before [Name] headed out, he turned to look at Inumaki with a serious and concentrated expression.

“Toge.”

“I love you”

“What the hell happened here?”

“....”

“Fushiguro-kun, if you please”

“Well I only know half of the story so it’s best if we hear it from Itadori”

All eyes whipped to the shirtless Yuji who had just gotten control of his body back from Sukuna, the apparent king of curses.

“I’d say it started when I went to school this morning but I think it started a little earlier for Fushiguro. Right Fushiguro?” Yuji asked

‘I swear I’m going to explode if someone doesn’t tell me the how we got this far I mean Fushiguro is bleeding from his head, this pink haired enthusiastic kid is possessed and I can’t tell if he’s too sweet to care or if he lost a few of his brain cells when he and the little emo first year wrecked this building’ [Name] thought to himself.

Clearing his throat he began “Well okay Fushiguro has a lot of really bad injuries so is it okay with you if he just quickly shares his part and then you take over?”

“Ohh Yeah that makes sense” Itadori awed and both he and [Name] turned their attention to poor Megumi who was bleeding from his forehead.

“Yesterday I was sent to retrieve a special grade cursed object and when I got there it was gone. Gojo sensei told me I couldn’t go home until it was recovered. The next day I stalked around the school and investigated when I saw Yuji for the first time.”

“Oh I remember that. It’s my turn to take over now. Uhh. I was in the occult club with my senpais Sasaki and Iguchi and we were asking the spirits about which animal the Student Council President was weaker than ( a fish) and then he burst in the room because he didn’t approve of our club-”

“Fast forward please” [Name] interrupted

“Fushiguro found me after my grandpa died and told me Iguchi and Sasaki were in danger because of the finger so I led him to the school where they said they were going to peel off the seal”

“And that’s why we’re here” [Name] surmised

“So what’s the situation”

“Gojo-sensei”/ “Old Man what are you doing here?” Megumi and [Name] called out

“I wasn’t gonna come but the higher ups got involved. I knew you’d all be fine though, I sent [Name] here to deal with it.”

“That’s true” Fushiguo mumbled

“I’m glad you all have faith in me” [Name] started “But that means I came here for absolutely nothing”

“... So did you find it?” Gojo asked

“Um sorry.... I ate it”

Gojo who didn’t hear the whole introduction and [Name] who didn’t quite get to the eating of the finger part in the story turned to Yuji in shock

“For real”

“Haha you’re not kidding. They’re combined. How does your body feel?” Gojo asked Yuji

“Okay”

“Can you switch to Sukuna?”

“Sukuna?” Yuji asked

“The curse object you ate”

“Oh yeah. Probably”

“Ten seconds” gojo said “Take control again after ten seconds”

“I dunno about this”

“Don’t worry. I’m the strongest Jujutsu sorcerer”

Megumi looked to [Name] after hearing a curious “hmm” but [Name]’s face showed no anger or displeasure.

“Megumi hold onto this will ya” Gojo’s voice bled through Megumi’s thoughts of who would win between [Name] and Gojo. Give it a year or two and it might actually be [Name].

“What’s this?” Megumi asked

‘It better be a fucking weapon’ [Name] thought ‘Because if he sent me out because his important business was shopping he’s gonna regret it’

“Kikufuku Mochi” Gojo replied casually before feeling bloodlust leaking from [Name]. He’ll just have to make it up to the second year somehow

“Behind you” Fushiguro called out and [Name] sucked his teeth hoping Gojo would get hit at least once. He did not get his wish once

“I’ve got a student watching so..I hope you don’t mind if I show off a little bit” . And after that Gojo commenced kicking Sukuna’s ass. Sukuna tried to monologue a little as he sent out a powerful attack, but he missed Gojo on account of Gojo’s infinity dispelling the attack. By the time Sukuna realized Gojo was unharmed it was time for Yuji to switch back.

“Oh was everything okay?” Yuji asked as he came to his senses.

“Oh what a surprise” Gojo responded “You really can control it”

“Yeah, but he’s kind of annoying”

“It’s a miracle that’s the only side effect” Gojo said right before knocking Yuji out with one finger

“If he wakes up and isn't possessed, he might have potential as a vessel. Okay question for you two. What do I do with him?”

“Even if he is a potential vessel… He must be executed under jujutsu regulations…

“But I don’t want to let him die”

“Is that a personal opinion? Gojo asked

“Yes, a personal opinion. Please do something about it.

Gojo smiled and the two of them turned their attention towards [Name] who had been silent throughout the whole experience.

‘Besides being a little too excitable, he’s not bad. Like a puppy. I’d keep him as a pet.’ [Name] thought

“Don’t kill him” he said

“A precious student's request. And one from my favorite second year? Of course. Leave it to me!” Gojo said before lifting Yuji up.

[Name] still a little upset he was called away for nothing, raised his hand in front of his mouth so gojo couldn’t see what he was doing and whispered

“Fall over”

“Aak! [Name]-kunnn”

Fushiguro was shocked to see Gojo faceplant on the ground with Yuji on his shoulder. If the combination of Fushiguro’s wide eyed expression and the sight of Gojo in pain made [Name] giggle a little, he’d never admit it.

#x male reader #male reader #male reader insert #x reader #reader insert #jjk x male reader #jujutsu kaisen x male reader #m!reader #male!reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #that-bi-bitch-writes #a cursed reality

190 notes · View notes

just-dreaming-marvel · 4 years

Text

Love and Medicine ~ 1

MASTERLIST

Word Count: 2,300ish

Summary: You begin your intern year at Avengers Medical Center

You let out a little groan as you turned around. You immediately knew you were naked as the cold wood floor sent chills down your bare body. Slowly opening your eyes, you took in your surroundings. You were home, in the house you had just inherited, boxes still pilled high around the living room you were laying in. Suddenly, someone else groaned beside you. You teased, clenching your eyes shut. The headache you had been ignoring since you woke finally broke free and you realized that your late night drunkenness must have caused you to bring a guy home.

You let out a long breath as you reopened your eyes and looked over at the hopefully-still-asleep man beside you. He wasn’t bad looking at all. You had really done well. He was blonde with a chiseled body. He had to have been at least six foot, which didn’t hurt. He was naked though, all out in the open on your living room floor. Cringing, you sat up, pulling one blanket from the couch to quickly cover yourself before standing and pulling one over him. You stood up silently, and began making your way out of the room. It was your first day of your intern year as a doctor, you couldn’t afford to be late.

You successfully made it to the doorway of the living room without a sound before the floorboard beneath you creaked. You should there, frozen, closing your eyes in hopes that the man sleeping behind you wouldn’t wake. You could hear him turn over, letting a small moan out of his mouth. Waiting a few more seconds, you started going again.

“You know…” the man started, clearly in his morning voice, “it’s usually rude to disappear on someone after spending a night with them.”

You quickly spun around to see him, still laying on his stomach, looking up at you with a sly grin.

“Well,” you cleared your throat, “it’s my house, so it’s not that rude.”

He stood up, not grabbing the blanket as quick as he should have, letting you have another look at him. When you met his eyes again, it was clear that you had been caught staring and that he was enjoying it.

“Why the rush to silently get out of here?” He asked, tucking the blanket around his waist. “Have a husband or a boyfriend you have to hurry and get ready for?”

“Neither,” you responded, tightening your hold on the blanket covering you. “I’m running late for my first day of work. So, if we’re done here, you should go.”

“We don’t have to be done here.”

“I think we do.” You kicked up his shirt, grabbing it, and throwing him at it. “You need to go.” He caught his shirt, slipping it on slowly over his clear cut abs. “So, um, goodbye… um…”

“Steve,” he reached his hand out.

“Steve. Right,” you shook his hand. “Y/N.”

“Y/N.” He smiled. It almost took your breath away, but you couldn’t let it show.

“Yeah.”

“Nice meeting you.”

“Yeah. Bye, Steve.”

You fled up the stairs, hoping that by the time you were done getting ready, Steve would be gone.

~~~

You made it to the Avengers Medical Center just in time to meet up with the other interns in your year. The Chief of Surgery, Dr. Nicholas J. Fury, was leading a small tour to the ORs. He started talking as the interns took in the OR.

“Each of you comes here hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors,” Fury stated. “The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you.”

He then told each of the interns which resident they were assigned to. You got Dr. Gamora. All of the interns were then taken to the locker room, where each of you were assigned a locker and given scrubs to change into and start your long day.

“Only ten women out of thirty,” you muttered as you slipped your scrubs on.

“Yeah,” the woman with fiery red hair next to you responded. “I heard that one of them was a model. Seriously, like that’s going to help with the respect thing?”

“You’re Natasha, right?”

She nodded. “You’re Y/N?”

“Mhm,” you hummed.

“Which resident did you get assigned to? I got Gamora.”

“Me too.”

“You got Gamora?” A male intern repeated beside you. “So did I. At least we’ll all be tortured together, right? I’m Clint Barton, uh, we met at the mixer. You had a dress with a slit up the side, those shiny heels…” You and Natasha exchanged looks. “Now you think I’m gay.”

“Uh-huh,” Natasha hummed, heading out the door.

“No, I’m not gay! It’s, ah, it’s just that, you know, you were, I mean… You were very unforgettable,” Clint rambled as you both followed after Natasha. You shot him a sympathetic smile before hurrying to catch up with Natasha. “And I’m totally forgettable.”

“Barton, L/N, Romanoff, Valkyrie, Lang,” a doctor called at the door way.

“Gamora?” Natasha questioned that doctor that called you.

“End of the hall.”

The five of you that were called began walking. At the end of the hall, you saw a pretty woman working on paperwork. She didn’t look as threatening as you had heard she was.

“That’s Dr. Gamora?” Natasha wondered.

“From what I heard, I thought she’d look scarier,” the other male in your group of five said. You guessed it was Scott Lang.

“Yeah,” Clint agreed. “I thought she’d be… well, bigger.”

“Same,” you added.

“Maybe it’s professional jealousy,” a woman in your group suggested, Valkyrie, you presumed. “Maybe she’s brilliant, and they say things about her because they’re jealous. Maybe she’s really nice.”

“Please don’t tell me you’re the model,” Natasha said.

“Wait…” Clint said, looking at Nat. “I thought you were the model.”

Valkyrie shot Natasha a look before turning to Dr. Gamora with an extended hand. “Hi, I’m Valkyrie, but everyone calls me Val.”

Gamora looked her up and down, not even moving to shake Val’s hand. “I have five rules,” Gamora stated, clearly unimpressed already. “Rule number one, don’t bother sucking up, I already hate all of you, that’s not gonna change.” She turned and pointed to things on the counter. “Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours.”

Gamora began walking away with you and the others quickly following, after each of you have grabbed the things off the counter.

“You’re interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain, you run labs, write orders, work every second night till you drop and don’t complain!” She continued. Gamora led you to a door, opening it to reveal a room with bunk beds. “On call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woke me for no good reason, we clear?” There was a brief pause before you nervously raised your hand. “Yes.”

“You said five rules,” you tried to hold back a cringe as you spoke up. “That was only four.”

Suddenly, Gamora’s pager beeped. “Rule number five. When I move, you move.” She ran down the corridor, followed by you and the other interns. “Get out of my way!” She yelled at a few doctor’s blocking the hallway.

You had the others followed Gamora to the ER. There was a bustling trauma room that the six of you entered. There was a young female on the stretcher, already being hooked to the machines.

“What’ve we got?” Gamora asked.

“Savannah Chase, fifteen year old female,” the paramedic still in the room stated. “New onset seizures, intermittent for the past week. ID lost en route. Started gran mal seizing when the ambulance pulled up.”

“Alright, get her on her side, Val, ten milligrams Diazepam.” Val started to do as she was directed while the rest of you watched. “No, no, the white lead is on the right, righty whitey, smoke over fire, a large bore IV. Don’t let the blood haemolyse, let’s go!”

Val injected the young woman with the diazepam and she stopped seizing. A new Doctor entered the room.

“So I heard we got a wet fish on dry land?” The man asked.

“Absolutely Dr. Banner,” Gamora responded.

“Dr. Gamora, I’m gonna shotgun her.”

“That means every test in the book, CT, CBC, chem seven, a tox screen,” Gamora clarified for the interns. “Natasha, you’re on labs, Clint, patient workups, Y/N, get Savannah for a CT, she’s your responsibility now.” Gamora began to walk away.

“Wait,” both Val and Lang called out. Gamora turned back around.

“What about us?” Val asked.

“You two—honey, you get to do rectal exams.”

~~~

You were currently in an elevator with Savannah, the patient, trying to find your way to CT. Since it was your first day at the medical center, you didn’t know where anything was and you were too stubborn to ask.

“You’re lost,” Savannah stated.

“I’m not lost,” you defended. “How are you feeling?”

“How do you think I’m feeling? I’m missing my pageant.”

“You’re missing your pageant.” You wheeled her out of the elevator and around a corner, still not knowing where you were headed.

“The Manhattan Teen Miss? I was in the top ten after the first two rounds. This is my year. I could’ve won.” Savannah sat up as she was wheeled back around the same way. “Hello? You’re so lost. What are you, like, new?”

“I’m— just tell me what happened.”

“I twisted my ankle. I do rhythmic gymnastics, which is like, really cool. Nobody else does it. And I tripped over my ribbon, and I didn't get stuck with someone this clueless. And that was like, a nurse.”

You gritted your teeth, trying not to be over-the-line rude to a patient on your first day. It took you almost another forty five minutes to find CT. You helped her with the scan before taking her back to a room. Before you knew it, it was lunch time. You grabbed some food from the cafeteria, finding your group of interns alone at a table.

“Savannah Chase is a pain in the ass,” you grumbled as you sat down with your tray. “If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic oath, I'd Kevorkian her with my bare hands.” The others around her just stared. “What?”

“Good afternoon interns,” a new doctor came up. “I’m Dr. Maria Hill. It’s posted, but I thought I’d share the good news personally. As you know, the honor of performing the first surgery is reserved for the intern that shows the most promise. As I’m running the OR today, I get to make that choice. I’ve been watching you all and I have to say, you’re all something. The intern I’ve chosen is, Scott Lang.”

Scott coughed up the drink he had been taking. “M-me?” He questioned.

“You’ll scrub in for an appendectomy this afternoon. Congratulations.” Then she left.

“Did she say me?”

“I can’t believe you were chosen over me,” Natasha grumbled. “It’s already clear that I’m a better surgeon that you.”

“Did she say… I’m sorry. What?”

~~~

After lunch, you went back to Savannah’s room to take care of her. As you did, a man and a woman, not doctors, came in.

“Savannah, honey, mom and dad are here,” the woman said, coming over to Savannah’s bedside.

“They gave her a sedative for the CT scan, so she’s a little groggy,” you informed them.

“Will she be alright?” The mother asked.

“Our doctor at home said she might need an operation, is that true?” The father wondered.

“What kind of operation?”

“She’s, um, well, you know what,” you tried your best to sound professional through your nervous stuttering, “I’m not, I’m not the doctor, uh. I am a doctor, but I’m not Savannah’s doctor, so I’ll go get him for you.”

You quickly left the room to go find Gamora. Thankfully, she was at the nurses desk just outside of the room. You hurried over but were too nervous to start speaking.

“What?” Gamora questioned, not looking up from the paperwork she was doing.

“Savannah’s parent’s have questions,” you responded. “Do you talk to them, or do I ask Banner?”

“No, Banner’s off of the case. Savannah belongs to the new attending now, Dr. Rogers, he’s over there.”

You follow in the direction that Gamora gestured to. You only made it a few steps before freezing. The man Gamora gestured to was talking to another doctor. But that wasn’t the reason you froze. Dr. Rogers was none other than your one night stand, Steve. Your eyes widened and you turned to go, but it was too late. Steve glanced your way, having to do a double take. You quickly left, feeling his eyes on the back of you.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.”

next chapter >

NOTES: Yes, this has been posted before, but I deleted it. I’m trying again. From now on the taglist when be added by a reblog. I will reblog it using my second account, @just-dreaming-marvel-2. Just so that my main page doesn’t get too cluttered.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

#steve rogers x reader #the avengers x reader #avengers x reader #nick fury x reader #clint barton x reader #scott lang x reader #valkyrie x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #gamora x reader #marvel imagine #marvel imagines

254 notes · View notes

birdship · 3 years

Text

(DISCO ELYSIUM SPOILERS)

Wrote this... thing? to sort of explore potentially writing an actual bit of fanfic for Disco Elysium. It's just a short scene set during the time Harry's drifting in and out of consciousness and Kim is taking care of him.

Anyway, here. Self-indulgent gay longing bullshit, but maybe someone else out there will enjoy it?

Very short teaser, since the whole thing is only like 1600 words:

PERCEPTION: The pressure intensifies slightly, and you recognize it is in the shape of a human hand. YOU: Her hand…? PERCEPTION: No. Not hers. VOLITION: Never hers. LOGIC: His, genius. ESPRIT DE CORPS: It’s Kim. Of course it is. You knew it from the moment you saw him, somehow, that this man would take a bullet for you. He almost did. But right now, he’s kneeling beside you, tending to your wound. Gently, so gently reaching into the war zone of your body to peel back the old bandages, soaked in blood and pus, and press clean ones down in their place.

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN: Well, well! Look what the cat dragged in. You keep slipping away, Harry-boy. Back into that beautiful, dark sea. Where you came from. Where you belong. Even now it presses around you, pale and cold. You’re struggling so hard to keep your head above the water for these precious few seconds of aching consciousness. It would be easier to just… relax.

YOU: Hold on, what was that about a cat?

ANCIENT REPTILIAN BRAIN: There is no cat, you stupid fuck. Pay attention when I’m waxing poetic about the sweet embrace of death.

It’s hard to pay attention. Then again, it’s hard to do anything. Your breathing is shallow and ragged and you’re so, so tired. God are you tired.

PERCEPTION: You become gradually aware that there is a light pressure on your hip. PAIN THRESHOLD: The first small jolt of pain ripples through you, branching like lightning. PERCEPTION: The pressure intensifies slightly, and you recognize it is in the shape of a human hand.

YOU: Her hand…?

PERCEPTION: No. Not hers. VOLITION: Never hers. LOGIC: His, genius. ESPRIT DE CORPS: It’s Kim. Of course it is. You knew it from the moment you saw him, somehow, that this man would take a bullet for you. He almost did. But right now, he’s kneeling beside you, tending to your wound. Gently, so gently reaching into the war zone of your body to peel back the old bandages, soaked in blood and pus, and press clean ones down in their place.

YOU: His hand…

ELECTROCHEMISTRY: It’s warm, electric, somehow both familiar and new all at once. You ache to lean into it and ask for more, more. How long has it been since anyone touched you like this? INLAND EMPIRE: Has anyone ever touched you like this, really? Right down to the core of you? Feeling the wreckage of you, the sharp edges of your heart? Running their fingers so lightly along the cracks of your horrible little brain? ELECTROCHEMISTRY: I meant literally. His hand is on your thigh. PAIN THRESHOLD: Because there’s a fucking gunshot wound there. LOGIC: Come on, don’t make it weird. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: I’m not making it weird. VOLITION: You’re definitely making it weird. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Look, all I’m saying is it feels pretty nice, doesn’t it? Being close to him like this. His hands on your body.

YOU: Yeah. It does.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: In the haze of painkillers and recent trauma, your sight becomes clear. Ironic. You’re finally allowing yourself to see something that’s been quietly blossoming inside you over the years. It’s been so hard to ignore, but the alternative is so much worse. You couldn’t look right at it. Didn’t want to. Didn’t think you deserved to. But now, in this moment, lying on a lumpy mattress in the dark, trying not to lose consciousness yet again, with him pressing his hands to your rotting body, desperately staunching the bleeding that never seems to completely stop… Now the world has finally wrung everything out of you. Whatever it was that you had left. And you can do nothing but take the path of least resistance. HALF-LIGHT: You’re keenly aware that you will soon make an absolute goddamn fool of yourself, but are powerless to stop it. The forces are already in motion. PAIN THRESHOLD: Another lightning bolt of pain, worse this time. Agony. You cannot help but gurgle a quiet “fuck.”

The lieutenant glances up at your face with calm concern, thoroughly unsurprised by your outburst. “I know it hurts,” he breathes. “You’ll get through it.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, only half-processing his words.

PERCEPTION: His hand lingers ever so slightly, then suddenly it’s gone. The warm, comforting pressure of his company, gone. SUGGESTION: No! You’re going to be alone again! He needs to stay. You need him to be here. Next to you. For as long as possible.

You concentrate every ounce of willpower you have left on sending your right hand out to fish desperately for his before it’s gone.

HAND/EYE COORDINATION: Your hand slaps awkwardly against the sleeve of his jacket. You can’t quite get a grip on it, but your pathetic flailing is hard to ignore, and he stops to give you a quizzical look. VISUAL CALCULUS: That’s the best we could do. I don’t know what you expected from us. Your eyes are still closed.

“Detective?” he says to you. “Just relax. You’re going to be fine, but you need to get some rest.”

“Wait,” you mumble, “please stay.”

DRAMA: This is quite the sad display you’re putting on here, sire. It’s a crowded field, but this new late entry is a strong contender for the gold in the hotly contested “most uncomfortable moment” event at the Sad Old Sack of Shit Olympics.

VOLITION: Come on, you’re stronger than this. HALF-LIGHT: Don’t drag him down with you, you irrepressible fuck-up. What are you even trying to do? INLAND EMPIRE: He’s drowning. Desperate. Reaching for something, anything, to stay afloat. COMPOSURE: It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Not anymore. There’s nothing to hold onto. SUGGESTION: Wrong. You have exactly one thing to hold onto right now, and that thing is Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi’s fucking hand.

Kim looks at you with a sort of detached concern for a moment, then gives you a small smile and sits back down next to you without another word. There’s nothing to say, and that’s fine.

EMPATHY: He looks exhausted. His eyes are ringed by dark circles and his shoulders have begun to sag with the weight of the case. The weight of death. The weight of you. He’s carrying so much. ESPRIT DE CORPS: He doesn’t want recognition or pity for it. He knows you’re bearing the same load. Don’t you dare apologize for any of it - this weight is shared. You’re in it together. SUGGESTION: Then why do you feel so guilty, watching him stare silently out the window into the impenetrable night, looking at nothing? You have to say something. Acknowledge his efforts to keep your sorry flesh sack shambling forward another day. VOLITION: No, stop. This is a bad idea. You don’t have to be the sorry cop anymore. In fact, please actively try to stop being that.

“Kim,” you say weakly.

“Yes?” he says, his gaze snapping back to you immediately.

“Thanks.”

“No need for that,” he says quickly.

VOLITION: Grateful cop, huh. Well, I guess that’s a step up. Very slightly less pitiful.

“Yeah,” you mumble, “alright. Sorry.”

VOLITION: Goddammit.

Kim doesn’t say anything. Just watches you with tired, searching eyes.

PERCEPTION: He’s sitting on the very edge of the bed, far away from you, his limbs tucked close to his body except for one hand, which rests lightly on the blanket. VISUAL CALCULUS: It’s still close enough that you could reach out and touch it without too much effort. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Get that sweet dopamine hit, baby! Human contact, the most dangerous drug!

Your fingers brush his hand. He jerks it away immediately, but it seems like an unconscious, automatic reaction.

“Ah,” he says, scooting over a bit. “I’ll give you some space.”

VOLITION: If your goal was to feel like a complete idiot in front of the one person in this shithole that you respect, well, pat yourself on the back. DRAMA: Congratulations, sire, you’ve done it! And what hill might thou plan to die on next? VOLITION: A much steeper one, hopefully. SUGGESTION: Ignore them, try again! PERCEPTION: Finally, your fingers manage to close around his wrist. You can’t see his reaction. Your eyes are closed. You can’t stand to look at the situation you’ve created. VOLITION: Coward. PERCEPTION: His hand is moving, changing position, but not withdrawing. It simply contorts in such a way that your grip relaxes and now it’s his hand that’s resting on top of yours. He is silent, but he’s there. Not moving away. You smell stale cigarette smoke and dry blood lingering in the space between his body and yours. ELECTROCHEMISTRY: It’s too much. This hit, it’s stronger than you expected. It’s fucking devastating, a cold knife twisting its way through your broken body. It hurts. Why does it hurt? EMPATHY: Your eyes are still closed, but you sense that he too is looking elsewhere, similarly unable to look directly at the source of the overwhelming awkward - and quite frankly rather homo-sexual - energy you have brought down upon the room. CONCEPTUALIZATION: Every other human interaction happening inside the Whirling-in-Rags must be going very smoothly right now, because you’ve created a fucking singularity of awkwardness. There’s no more awkwardness left within a 2km radius, you’ve gathered it all right here.

Then, as quickly as the moment began, it’s over. He moves his hand and clears his throat. Probably cleans his glasses. It’s a nervous habit of his that you’ve noticed this past week.

A few minutes pass in silence. Then: “Harry?” he whispers quietly.

You don’t answer. You have nothing to say.

CONCEPTUALIZATION: Maybe you were wrong. Maybe this is the harder option. Maybe you’re not ready to look at it. Maybe you’re not ready to look at anything.

“Get some rest,” he says softly. “I need to get back to work.”

EMPATHY: He’s not going to mention this incident. Not now. Not later. Not ever. Not just out of concern for you, but himself. He has no idea how to begin to process it, so he won’t. He’ll tell himself it doesn’t matter, you were just lost in a cloud of drouamine and pain and grief. That you were so out of it that you thought you were reaching for someone else. That vulnerable moment of tenderness could not have been meant for him. But you know the truth. And maybe he does too, somewhere deep down. LOGIC: You are okay with this. You have to be. And so does he. CONCEPTUALIZATION: You’ve glimpsed it now, that radiant thing within you. That bright, unbearable light. It’s so beautiful, so heart-breaking that you can hardly stand it. Maybe a glimpse is enough.

#disco elysium #disco elysium spoilers #fan fic #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #this scene brought to you by gay longing and touch starvation

63 notes · View notes

shinsoussimp · 4 years

Note

all right, you said it’s fine, so here’s another one 🤍 (yes, i’m addicted to your writings so :0 )

mirio? big yes. hurt/comfort with a gay reader? definitely.

so like, the reader used to study in another school, and had been outed and everyone in his class were very mean and rude about that. so now it’s his biggest fear to be outed again, but he really falls in love with mirio after some time. they spend a lot of time together, and get really close. reader doesn’t know mirio likes him back because for him, every person will be mad at (y/n) for liking boys (because of the past trauma yk). and one day someone from their class accidentally activated their “saying truth” quirk on reader and confession to mirio just slips from his lips in front of him and the whole class. and like, after that he runs away in absolute panic, thinking everyone will mock and hate him again. he starts avoiding mirio just not to see him disappointed, when in reality togata just wants to say he likes him back? 🥺 so one day he just catches him and doesn’t let him to run? 🥺 saying he would love to be his boyfriend 👉🏻👈🏻 maybe a bit comforting from classmates yk? sorry it’s so long again 😞🤍

a/n: sephiii you’re requests are always amazing :) i would never say no to you sending one in! i hope you like it!!

a/n: y/h/n= your hero name, also i said parent (they/them) in an effort to be more inclusive, i don’t know people’s family life. if you have any other ideas where i can be more inclusive, please let me know!

TW: homophobia, violence (shoving), blackmail

a/n: requests are open! (p.s. i’m on a mirio kick right now to let everyone know ahaha)

Mirio x homophobia

becoming a hero was always your dream, since you were a little kid. you didn’t want anything standing in the way of that. so when you finally made your way to shiketsu high, you were determined to never let anyone find out about you being gay. but somehow, it still happened.

“yo, y/h/n!” a second year student ran up to you as you were walking to the cafeteria and threw his arm around your shoulder, “can you do a favor for me?~” he always would get you to help him cheat on exams, but at this point, you were tired of breaking the rules.

“dude i can’t keep doing this. i’m not gonna risk getting in trouble so you can get good grades. try studying.” you huff while shaking his arm off you. he moves to stand in front of you to block your path as you try to get to your table, and he gets visibly more and more angry.

“seriously?” he says through clenched teeth. you could tell he was one of those kids who was too used to getting what he wants whenever he wants it, and he doesn’t know how to handle anything different.

“i’m serious. we would’ve been caught some day.” you try to move around him but he grabs your arm and starts pulling you to the middle of the cafeteria.

“fine. then i guess i’m gonna have to tell everyone your little secret.” shit. you had gotten so used to helping him you forgot the reason why you began your little deal in the first place, he knew you were gay. before you could stop him, he had already begun.

“hey, everyone! i have a little announcement that you all would enjoy. y/n over here, y/h/n if you will, is gay.” you weren’t able to cover his mouth without him grabbing your wrists and holding them down by your sides so he could continue talking, “that’s right, he likes dick. do with that what you will~” he shoves you back a bit when he finally lets go of your arms, and waltzes out of the cafeteria like nothing even happened. everyone starts gossiping around you, giving you weird looks as you run off into the bathroom.

once the bell rang and you needed to go to class, you tried to get there early, so you didn’t need to walk in front of a full classroom. you sat in the back today, but that didn’t mean you were invisible. it started with the girls that sat in front of you giggling, then one of the boys that only had your number for a group project sent you an eggplant emoji. but the cherry on top was one of the most well known boys in your class coming up to you and asking, for everyone to hear, if you were trying to suck his dick. luckily the second bell rang and the teacher came in, forcing them all to back off for now, but this lasted for the next week. it lasted up until you couldn’t take it anymore. you stood up and stormed out of the classroom and never returned. you didn’t go to school for the rest of the year. and with you refusing to return to shiketsu high, you thought your dream of being a hero was ruined. but one morning your parent mentioned the idea of applying to ua.

even though you thought you had no chance of getting in, you took a chance. you went to the admissions office, sent in your application, did all the interviews, and now it was time to wait. and now after a long summer, you finally got a letting from ua.

you got in.

not only were you thrilled to be admitted to the best school for heros, you were thrilled that you never had to go back to shiketsu. you could start over, continue your hero journey. and hopefully you would not get in another situation like last time.

your first two months at your new school went great. you were a second year now, and getting to do many new and exciting things with your training. you made great friends and even developed a bit of a crush. this was dangerous territory, since you didn’t want anyone to know about your sexuality, but you couldn’t stop yourself from hanging out with him. the person in question? mirio togata. the cute third year you passed by in the halls and always came in your class to talk about his experience as lemillion. and you got to call him your friend. you two trained together, you hung out with him and the rest of the big three after school, and he always made sure to join you during lunch breaks at school. in such a short period of time, you two became best friends. and you would never risk messing that friendship up.

but then one day, the unthinkable happens. you thought since things had been going so well for so long, you were in the clear. nobody seemed to know, shiketsu kids didn’t snitch, and training was going incredibly. you and a group of second and third years were hanging out in an empty classroom when someone suggested playing truth or dare.

the rules were simple, pick dare and someone picks a dare for you to do, pick truth and you would be hit by your classmate, asami’s quirk. her quirk was called confession. when in effect, you will be compelled to spill one of your deepest secrets. but you seemed to have a bit of a misunderstanding of her quirk. you didn’t get to choose which secret. so little did you know, your fake secret that you ‘once called your teacher mom in 3rd grade’ was not going to be of use.

“you excited?” mirio plopped down next to you happily. you nodded, because you were. you were genuinely excited to have a friend group and play stupid games like this.

after a few rounds, mostly of people picking dare, you wanted to be the one to switch it up. so once mirio finished bawking like a chicken and walking all around the room with his arms bent like wings, you prepared for your turn.

“truth or dare, y/n?”

“truth.” everyone dramatically gasps, then all bursting out into a fit of laughing, talking about how you had some balls to pick truth. asami sat down in front of you and took a deep breath to prepare herself.

“you ready?” she smiles. you nod, letting her hand brush yours. you felt a rush of warmth through your body then suddenly your mouth was moving.

“i’m gay. i’m really fucking gay and i like mirio.” your hand slaps over your mouth, your stomach dropping as your whole body starts shaking. that was not what you wanted to say. but there is no going back now, and you didn’t want to be here when everyone started teasing you. you especially didn’t want to see what mirio had to say about it. you didn’t want to see the disappointment that would surely be on his face. you jump up and race out of the room, ignoring mirio’s pleas for you to stop running.

he was sent to talk in your class that day, but he didn’t see you. you had decided to go home early for the day. would you really have to leave ua? you were beside yourself with anger and sadness, having to leave the best school because of a stupid game spilling your secret. you knew when you returned there would be endless teasing. it was possible that your friend group spilled the beans to the whole school and now even the first years knew. your parent tried to take your feelings into account, but they wanted to remind you of your dream, your biggest passion.

“you want to save people. it doesn’t matter if you’re gay, you can still protect people, that doesn’t stop anything.” you keep your face shoved into the pillow you were hugging close to your chest as they spoke. they took a deep breath and placed a comforting hand on your back, “look worse case scenario, they told everyone, and now people tease you. they’ll probably get over it, and if not, it’s only two more years. then you get to live your dream happily, as yourself.”

their words encouraged you to return to school after about a week. but you still couldn’t face your friend group. especially mirio. so when the lunch bell rang, you left the school building and made your way to the side of it to eat lunch out on a bench by some trees. you figured that mirio or some of your friends saw you, but you prayed that they wouldn’t follow you. sadly those prayers would go unanswered because next thing you know you hear a familiar voice shouting your name. you turn around and see mirio jogging towards you. you turn around and start walking faster in an effort to avoid him, but right as you arrive at the bench you’re stopped by his hand wrapping around your arm.

“would you talk to me?!” he pulls your arm, making you turn around, “you drop a bomb like that and then fall off the face of the earth for a week?!” you sigh and set down your lunch and bag behind you, still not saying anything.

“y/n seriously. what the hell?”

“if you came here to make fun of me, just get it over with.” you finally look up at him, all of your walls up taller than ever before as you prepared to have your heart broken.

“what are you talking about?” his face has confusion written all over it but it has to be fake. he’s trying to trick you into thinking you’re safe then he’ll talk about how stupid you are to all of your other friends that has to be-

“you really think i would make fun of you?” his voice is soft and even in such a high stress moment, still puts butterflies in your belly. but he’s lying.. he has to be. he’s gonna react how everyone else did.

“y/n, i would never.” he takes a step towards you and reaches out his hand, but you slap it away taking another step back.

“i’m not gonna fall for it! you all are gonna react exactly how all those dumbass shiketsu kids did!” tears start streaming down your face and you realize that you’re shaking again. you sit down on the bench behind you and put your face in your hands as uncontrollable sobs kept coming. mirio knelt down in front of you and put his hands on your knees.

“i like you too.” your head shoots up and you look at him with wide eyes.

“w-what?”

“if you hadn’t ran out the day you said it, you would have heard that i like you too. and i didn’t know if you were gay or not but i really wanted to find out.” you relax a bit as your brain tries to comprehend the idea of something like this happening, “they all said that i was a lovestruck idiot... and they were all accepting.” he held your hands in his as you lifted your head so you could look at him.

“they all love you. and they’ve been worried sick, wondering what happened to you. but most of all me. i thought you left the school i-” he pauses to take a deep breath, “i thought i lost you.” his grip on your hands tightens. suddenly the tears streaming down your face were tears of joy, accompanied by a few laughs. he stands up and pulls you up with him, wrapping his arms around you, swallowing you in a warm bear hug.

“i would love to be your boyfriend, if you’re okay with that.” you giggle into his chest and grip onto the back of his shirt.

“i am okay with that.” he pulls his head back a bit to look at you, for a few moments not saying anything just making a smug face at you.

“i was hoping you would be, i mean you are ‘really fucking gay’“ he teases. you smack his chest as you shake your head, laughing. he explains how you should go talk to your friends and explain what happened, then you two could tell them the good news. he even started planning a date as you two made your way back to the school building, while holding hands of course.

you didn’t know it was possible, but you were going to be okay. you were going to be able to be yourself. you couldn’t wait for what the rest of your time at ua would hold.

#mirio togata #mirio x male reader #mirio angst #mirio fic #bnha fic #bnha angst #mha angst #mirio bnha #mirio fluff #bnha fluff

360 notes · View notes

hp-fanfic-archive · 4 years

Text

an introductory rec list (that nobody asked for) for some of my favorite (platonic and/or romantic) pairings: severitus [2/10]

First fic I read for the pairing: Of Potions and Phobias by tt22123 [1k,G] Severitus story with nightmares [i stumbled on this fic on accident and it was short and sweet (and a little bittersweet at the end).]

Fic that really sold me on the pairing: Leo Inter Serpentes (Series) by Aeternum [746k,E,6 works] (WIP) Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same? [i will never not recommend this series: it’s amazing, it’s well-written, it’s true to all the characters and relationships and it feels more canon than canon (of course, it’s also significantly more gay than canon but i said what i said).]

Absolute favorite fic(s) for the pairing: Nobody Cared by etherian [360k,G] Harry is 11 years old and looking forward to attending Hogwarts. Why, then, does he miss the Welcoming Feast? (warnings for: child abuse, bullying, depictions of violence) [this fic is really well done (but has a lot of angst and definitely mind the warnings above (although the author doesn’t include warnings on the fic)).] Family Means More Than Blood by WingsOfADream [422k,M] A prophecy made in 1975 drastically changes the life of the boy who should have been known as Harry Potter. [this is yet another fic with a really well-written and fascinating plot with excellent characterizations and plot lines. i definitely would recommend it to someone with a lot of time on their hands.]

Most recent fic I’ve read for the pairing: Blackberry Tart by starknjarvis [33k,G] One year after Severus Snape offered to become Harry's legal guardian, Sirius Black shows up at Hogwarts. [the fic is a part of a well-written and pragmatic series and this fic also includes the development of a remus & severus and a sirius & severus friendship so that harry can have a larger and supportive family and i’m living for it (i believe the exact tag that the author used was “coparenting with your childhood nemesis” and i am living for it).]

Favorite AU(s) I’ve read for the pairing: Alternate Sorting AU (Slytherin!Harry): Malfoy Flavor by Vorabiza [199k,E] Harry’s ready to banish the Golden Boy image and take charge of his life. Unfortunately for him, or fortunately, there are surprises in store for him. [Slytherin!Harry but it’s not an entire canon rewrite like most of the alternate sorting fics i love so much, so that’s fun. also drarry and just the right amount of painful but realistic angst. oh and it has a delightfully fluffy little sequel.]

Favorite Series for the pairing: Forgiveness & Redemption by waitingondaisies [130k,T,2 works] Severus Snape was discovered as a spy mere days before the start of the school year. Thankfully, Albus had been working on a vague contingency plan for this possibility. It had been inspired by the question, “What would it take for Severus Snape to see that he was wrong about Harry Potter?” The answer? Force Severus to go undercover as Alfonse “Eli” Hopkirk, a sixth year Gryffindor. (that’s technically the summary for the first fic but i think it serves well enough in lieu of a series summary, which the author did not provide. also warnings for child abuse.) [this series is such an interesting concept and it feels very realistic in how it played out and i’m honestly here for it.] You're a Parent, Severus by acmparker [210k,G,6 works] (WIP) When Lily got home from her first year at Hogwarts, she found a new distance between herself and Petunia. As a result Severus and Lily became even closer to each other over that summer. The next year Lily found a book in the Hogwarts Library that describe an ancient ritual for creating a blood bond that would make two unrelated people kin. She convinces Severus to undergo the ritual with her and they become brother and sister. This means that when Lily dies there is another whose blood relationship with her is recognized by the blood ward Dumbledore places on Harry. To Severus Snape's chagrin he finds himself the last line of defense between Harry and the forces of the Dark Lord. (again, no series summary but i think this works well enough.) [i love a good remus and severus friendship plus severitus so this series really works for me. and it’s a canon rewrite (love those).] Bruised Words by starknjarvis [49k,G,2 works] (WIP) After Harry blows up Aunt Marge, Dumbledore decides it's not safe for Harry to spend the rest of the summer at the Leaky Cauldron, and instead sends him to stay at Spinner’s End with Professor Snape. It's tense, awkward, and teeming with misunderstandings...but it might be the best thing that's happened to either of them. They're both been without a family for a very long time. (apparently all my favorite series aside from Leo Inter Serpentes, which i’ve already listed above, don’t have series descriptions, but the first work’s description seems to work well enough. also warnings for child abuse.) [this is the series that blackberry tart belongs to and may i just say: it’s excellent and well-written and pragmatic and i would recommend it.]

Longest fic I’ve read for the pairing: A Year Like None Other by aspeninthesunlight [789k,T] A letter from home? A letter from family? Well, Harry Potter knows he has neither, but all the same, it starts with a letter from Surrey. Whatever the Durleys have to say, it can't be anything good, so Harry's determined to ignore it. But then, his evil schoolmate rival spots the letter and his slimy excuse for a teacher intercepts it and forces him to read it. And that sends Harry down a path he'd never have walked on his own. It will be a year of big changes, a year of great pain, and a year of confronting worst fears. It will be a year of surprising discoveries, of finding true strength, of finding out that first impressions of a person's true colours do not always ring true. It will be a year of paradigm shifts. And from the most unexpected sources, Harry will have a chance to have that which he has never known: a home ... and a family. A sixth year fic, this story follows Order of the Phoenix and disregards any canon events that occur after Book 5. (warnings for: graphic depictions of violence, self-harm, severe medical trauma) [the fic has some really dark parts but the plot is so intricate and fascinating and the relationships and dynamics are excellently written and the characterizations are spot on and i would definitely recommend it to anyone with a lot of time on their hands.]

Fic(s) with some of my favorite tropes: Sickfic + Hurt/Comfort: When He Called Me Dad by MarauderChaos [31k,Not Rated] It was only however as the end of his second year did Severus collect enough evidence and enough of his own courage to step in. The boy looked as though the world was ending when Severus brought him to his private quarters to see Madam Bones, and for a moment Severus felt the world was ending when someone recommended him as guardian. But that was how it ended, with Harry Potter becoming the ward of the Potions Master. It was kept a secret from the press and the students of Hogwarts – even his own Godson didn’t know, mainly because Lucius was bound to hear of it if he did and Severus didn’t want to risk their lives. They had their ups and downs, screaming and shouting, hexes and slamming doors, crying and hugging, laughing and actually having fun. But there was one moment that Severus would always remember, with its own fair share of good and bad, was the time he called him Dad. [i’m a sucker for hurt/comfort and accidental revelation of feelings, which in this case is the strength of harry’s platonic feelings, and this fic has all that so… yeehaw.] Accidental Bonding (but make it platonic): Love is... (series) by atiaahmed [133k,G,4 works] (WIP) This series revolves around how Snape starts to care about Harry because of a charm put on him by Ron and Hermione. The first story "Love is a charm" explores how their relationship changes because of the charm and what happens when it expires at the end of the year The second story explores how their relationship develops after the events of "Love is a charm". In "Love is a haven" other paternal figures, namely Lupin and Black will threaten Severus position with Harry. [i kind of like the platonic severitus take on one of my favorite hp tropes tbh and i like the way that their relationship develops and the realistic trust issues and such.]

#severitus #severus & harry #harry & severus #severitus fic rec #severitus fic list #severitus fic rec list #intro to my fav ships rec list #hp fic rec #hp fic rec list #hp fics #severitus fics #queue is for quibbler

135 notes · View notes

maybedefinitely404 · 4 years

Text

Day 29: Prinxiety/Loceit (pt 4)

Aaaand, part 4, the finale!

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

@tsshipmonth2020

Day 29: You have a telepathic link with your soulmate until the two of you meet.

Content warnings: discussion of conversion therapy/after effects, PTSD, food mentions, anxiety/panic attacks, internalized homophobia, mentions of the foster system/abuse (mental, emotional, neglect, past eating disorder), minor self harm/blood, mentions of dissociating.

Word count: 5.1k

Despite Roman’s claims that being around other people would only distract him, and he didn’t want to have to walk to the library every time he had homework, Patton’s constant pleading eventually broke him down. Now, much to his roommate’s delight, they spent every night in the middle of the study floor in the library, and Roman found that he actually looked forward to it. Sometimes someone he knew would walk by, and give him a valid reason to take a short break, and having other people around somehow motivated him to work harder. He was starting to understand the appeal of the place.

Now, Patton and him were spending their afternoon there between classes, both working on their own projects and sharing a bag of popcorn twists. It was the only oil soaked snack that didn’t leave much residue on their fingers. Roman was deep in thought, struggling to remember an especially flowery Shakespeare monologue for a mock audition next week, when Patton kicked his leg under the table.

“What, Pat?” He took another moment to finish the sentence before he tore his eyes away from the book, surprised at his roommate’s barely contained excitement.

“You’ve been humming for half an hour!”

He hadn’t even noticed. He tended to do it a lot without realizing; humming along to his soulmate’s music. Ever since he’d come back almost a year ago, an occurrence he’d never had explained but held onto with fondness, Roman’s heart jumped every time his music played. It was just like old times, their old system immediately reinstated, and more than once he’d found himself singing along to the melodies in his head. Patton knew this, and could probably tell by the genre whether Roman was listening to his soulmate’s songs, or just had his own earworm.

“No, no, no, I like your humming! That’s not the point!”

“Then what’s the-”

“The guy behind you has his earbuds loud enough to hear!”

Roman strained his ears, and yes, he could barely hear the music coming from behind him. He definitely hadn’t noticed before, too deep in thought to notice something so trivial. But Patton was always on high alert, never able to keep his mind on one thing at a time.

“Okay, but what does that ha-”

“You’ve been humming the same songs as he’s been listening to for half an hour, Ro! I think he’s your soulmate!”

Roman’s eyes widened and he spun around, effectively dropping his book onto the ground. Yeah, if he concentrated, he could tell that the song in his head was the same as the one just audible through the other’s earbuds.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive!”

That’s all the convincing Roman needed. He jumped to his feet and rounded the other table so he was face to face with the stranger and knocked on the table a couple times. When he made eye contact, he thought he saw fear in the other’s face, but that couldn’t be right. Roman was not intimidating. The man at the table reached up to pop out one of his earbuds.

“Hello lovely, I have a question for you,” Roman purred, dropping onto his elbows on the table.

“I- I don’t-”

Apparently that counted as a meeting, because in that moment, the music in Roman’s head faded into nothingness. And he could tell it wasn’t just the music being paused. He was left with a neutral emptiness he hadn’t felt in a long time, a silence that was rare, and an innate knowledge that it had happened: their link was no longer necessary and had dissipated. Roman grinned wide, barely concealing a squeal.

“You’re my soulmate!”

He didn’t know what reaction he was expecting, but he sure as hell hadn’t expected the man at the table to get up and sprint out of the building at full speed.

“Stay here, Ro,” Patton was suddenly at his side, laying a hand on his bicep, “I’ll go after him. I don’t know what just happened but I don’t want it to happen again.”

Patton scooped up the other man’s things from the table and jogged out the library door.

-----

Virgil didn’t know where he was going; he hadn’t planned on running out of the library. Dammit, he hadn’t planned to run into his soulmate. And he knew that was his soulmate, and not just some weird coincidence. Because the moment they’d locked eyes, it was as if something in his mind had snapped, like a rubber band that had always been there but the pressure was so constant he didn’t notice it there until it was gone. Their bond had snapped; it was no longer necessary, because he’d met his soulmate.

He recognized the guy, just barely. They were in the same first year math class, a course often taken by upperclassmen (probably like his soulmate) because they’d put off getting a math credit until their final years. Logan had warned Virgil of that when he was choosing his first year courses, and so he was safely getting it out of the way so he could focus on his major in the coming years.

His breathing was choppy and strained as he tried to calm down his panic attack, dropping onto the ground under a large tree. He couldn’t keep running lest he collapse and draw more attention to himself, and that was far worse than anything he could imagine. Fighting the urge to scratch at his skin, he buried his head in his hoodie clad arms, fumbling with one hand to free his phone from his pocket.

It’s actually a guy, it’s a guy, he’s gay, wrong wrong wrong-

No, not wrong. It’s not wrong.

Yes it is, it’s going to hurt, you’re going to hurt, wrong wrONG WRONG!

His hands were shaking far too hard to text but he tried anyways, begging Janus to come pick him up early. Logan wouldn’t be done work for another couple hours, and usually Virgil would be fine just doing homework until his dad was ready to drive them home, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle being on campus much longer.

“Hey, kiddo?”

Virgil’s head jerked up just as he clicked send, fighting every urge in his body to bolt again. It wasn’t the guy… his soulmate… but someone else he hadn’t met before, panting.

“Heya, my name’s Patton! You ran out without your stuff, so I brought it!”

Oh, he was holding his backpack, and his folder under one arm. Virgil was just trying to encourage his legs to move, to stand so he could take his things, when the stranger dropped into the grass in front of him. He flinched.

“Here ya go,” He pushed it towards him like a child trying to coax out a scared cat, “I’m so sorry me and Ro scared you. He just gets over excited sometimes. I promise he’s actually very gentle.”

Virgil stared, pulling in a halting breath.

“The guy who ran up to you, that’s Roman. I’m his roommate, by the way. I’m Patton. Did I introduce myself? Doesn’t matter. I’m a third year psychology major. Roman’s in third year too, music and theatre major.”

He should probably introduce himself too, but his hands were frozen, clamped around his phone, and he found his voice wasn’t cooperating. That didn’t deter the other dude, though.

“Here, I wrote out both of our numbers. Roman feels super bad for scaring you, so you can take your time, if you want.” He delicately placed a ripped piece of notebook paper on the backpack between them, “His is the first one. But I put mine in there too, so you can text me if you want to talk. The more friends, the better.”

Virgil’s phone buzzed, alerting him of Janus’ response.

“I’ll let you be, okay? Remember to text!” With an exuberant wave, he dashed back to the library. Virgil read Janus’ panicked message, asking what had happened, in a bit of a daze. His dad agreed to come get him, so he stuffed the paper into his pocket and slung his backpack over his shoulder.

-----

Janus had asked him not to go into his room when he was so worked up, instead giving him free reign of the living room while the older restarted the dinner he’d abandoned in favor of picking his son up. He’d turned on the TV for Virgil, changing the channel to a nature documentary, given Virgil his favorite weighted blanket, and left him with strict orders to call him if he started spiraling or needed a hug.

The distraction had worked for a while, the soothing voice of the narrator almost lulling him to sleep, until his racing brain had come to the conclusion that this was the worst thing to ever happen in the history of ever and that he was going to die alone. He’d been a little hopeful that his soulmate would be a girl, to somewhat appease his trauma, but life was never that easy. A part of him had also been a little miffed about that hope, because as much as he liked to pretend, he had a preference for boys. A big preference. And his soulmate was cute.

“Everything okay, Virgil?” Janus called through the pass through window into the kitchen, taking his eyes off his food preparation to watch his son’s pacing.

“Yup!” He lied, picking and scratching at the skin of his hands out of his dad’s view. The pain settled him a little, giving him something he could control, but he knew he’d get a figurative slap on the wrist for it later. A concerned slap, not an angry one. Maybe more of ‘a cuddle on the couch and wrap the little patches of broken skin and an update with his counsellor’. So not really a slap. At all. As it usually went.

Everything was wrong. What kind of shit first impression had he given his soulmate? Getting up and running away like an actual child? And that was only part of it. He was damaged goods, a broken person, who needed more help and reassurance than any other person. How could he explain to his soulmate that he was the cause of his problems without making him feel guilty? That wasn’t the life the man had signed up for, wasn’t the soulmate burden he’d wanted. He would want someone easy, someone who wouldn’t have panic attacks when they got shocked by a door knob, who didn’t stop eating when they were scared, who pressed pause on life when he woke up in a dissociating headspace. He couldn’t say that to him. He’d lost everything, that vague musical connection to an invisible soulmate, that had given him a subtle hope. It had been a quiet illusion, a promise that he’d be fine if it were never fulfilled. Knowing there was someone out there, providing him music, had been enough. But now…

“Virgil, hold these for me.”

When had Logan gotten home? He put his hands out obediently, clenching the fingers over the ice cubes placed in each palm. The sensation startled him and sent a shiver up his spine.

“Four, seven, eight. Ready?”

He followed the breathing pattern eagerly, feeling the curls of anxiety in his stomach slowly settle into butterflies. When he was breathing normally, an overwhelming sense of dizziness almost knocked him over. Logan took his arm and led him to the couch.

The next moment, Janus was kneeling in front of him, rubbing disinfectant into his few bloody scratches, the melting water dripping through his fingers and onto the carpet.

“I should have noticed,” he murmured as he stuck a couple bandaids onto each hand, refusing to meet Virgil’s eyes.

“Don’t blame yourself, Janus. I don’t think it was happening for too long,” Logan assured, running a hand down Virgil’s spine. “Did this have to do with the reason you left school early today?”

Virgil nodded.

“Are you nonverbal?”

“No,” he choked, clearing his throat, “Just dry throat.”

“I got it,” Janus leapt to his feet and hurried to the kitchen.

With a heavy sigh, Virgil leaned into Logan’s side, the hand on his back traveling to wrap around his shoulder comfortingly. The last drops of the ice cube hit the carpet, and he dried his hands off on his jeans. “I met my soulmate today.”

“I see,” Logan said. For the umpteenth time, Virgil was beyond grateful that Logan was an expert at masking reactions. It made difficult conversations easier.

“It’s a guy.”

“How did that go?”

“I ran out of the library and had a panic attack. His roommate brought me my stuff and gave me their numbers. I made an idiot out of myself.”

Logan was quiet, giving Virgil a little squeeze. A water glass was pressed into his hands and Virgil downed the whole thing, passing it back to Janus, who placed it on the coffee table.

“I think… I think I’m magnifying. Maybe.” He described his thoughts that led to his spiral as quickly as possible, feeling slightly pleased when Logan agreed with his hypothesis.

“You are definitely magnifying. Good job for recognizing that, Virgil. You don’t even know him, much less what he thought of your interaction.”

“What’s our next step?” Janus spoke up, resting a hand on Virgil’s knee and rubbing it with his thumb.

He shook his head. “I don’t know.”

“Can you sleep on it, and message him tomorrow?”

Virgil thought about for a second before shaking his head even harder, “No. I have class with him tomorrow, and we’re getting a study guide for a test. I can not miss it. But what if he comes up to me, or wants to talk, and I embarrass myself again, and-”

His dads both hushed him at the same time and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes against Logan’s side. “What do I do?”

“You could message him tonight,” Janus drawled.

“Are you crazy?” He shrieked, “No! What would I even say? ‘Hey, you freaked me out today, sorry for running like a lunatic’?!”

“Why not explain the cause for your hasty escape?” Logan piped in.

“That’s way too much to load onto him as a first conversation.”

“Not all the gory details, just a vague explanation. That’s how I started talking to Logan,” Janus stated, adjusting his position on the floor. “If he’s your soulmate, Virge, he’ll be okay to deal with this. It’ll come out eventually, and if something else happens, it will be nice for him to have some context.”

Virgil groaned. “I hate when you make sense.”

“We can help you construct an adequate message.” Logan squeezed him again, meeting Janus’ eyes with a small smile.

“Fine.” Virgil snarled, pulling out his phone and the two numbers, typing the first one into his ‘new contact’ list. “Okay, what do I say?”

-----

V: Hey, I’m Virgil. We met earlier today. In a manner of speaking.

R: OMG, hi! I’m Roman. I am SO sorry for startling you!

V: It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.

R: I still feel bad DX

“He feels bad, what do I do?!”

“I would suggest explaining the reason you ran off to ease his concerns.”

“Me too. But ask first, and don’t give more details than you’re comfortable with.”

V: Can I be brutally honest for just a second?

R: Should I be nervous? Haha go ahead!

V: I was forced into conversion therapy about a year back, and I still carry a lot of the trauma with me. That’s why I ran. It was just gut instinct.

“He’s not responding, oh god, he’s going to block me, why isn’t he responding?!”

“I assume this news would take a moment to process. Focus on your breathing, Virgil. Don’t magnify.”

“You also sent it, like, ten seconds ago.”

R: Holy shit, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.

“...That’s not what I expected.”

“This is a regular reaction from a human being with even a lick of common sense, Virgil.”

“Seconded.”

V: It’s okay, I have a really great support system now.

R: That’s good. I’ve never experienced anything like that, so I can only imagine how hard that was.

R: I don’t expect you to answer if you don’t want to or don’t know, so please don’t feel pressured, but do you know what kind of soulbond we have? Is it platonic?

“Shit, fuck, who do I answer that?”

“With the truth, I’d imagine. Do you have an answer to his question?”

“Remember what I told you, kid. Your own pace.”

“Logan, if I explain it, can you put it into words? Please?”

V: I’m not averse to a possible romantic relationship in the future, but at the moment I am still learning to become comfortable with myself, as I have negative connections to that part of my identity that can become problematic if not properly worked through at my own pace.

R: Give me a couple seconds to decode that

V: My dad wrote it, he’s a prof. I have both of them helping me not freak out right now.

R: You might want to date one day, but you need to take it slow because of your trauma.

V: Uhm… yeah. I could have said it like that.

R: Is talking to me upsetting you? We can always talk another time.

V: No, I’m okay.

R: Okay, then as far as I’m concerned, we move at your pace. That’s not an issue for me at all.

“I… oh. He’s… wow.”

“I agree with your sentiment.”

“I like this boy already.”

“DAD!”

R: Your dad’s a prof?

V: One of them is. He teaches at our school, Prof Sanders. 4th year chemistry?

R: Oh shit. I’m in his class.

V: Lol he thinks he knows you

R: You have two dads?

V: Yep

R: That’s so cool. I’d really love to meet them.

V: Wow, we met today and you’re already wanting to meet my parents?

R: Heeey, I want to meet them as a FRIEND.

V: My dad says after the semester’s over, you’re free to come by

One at a time, Virgil’s dads left him on the couch with an ear to ear grin, Janus to reheat dinner and Logan following him just so he could cling to his husband's waist as he moved around the kitchen. Neither of them wanted to disturb the little bubble their son was in.

-----

In the weeks following, they’d started to sit together in the one class they shared. Virgil had begun to join him and Patton on their nightly library study sessions, and after some more gentle convincing, had given in to sitting with their whole friend group during meals at the cafeteria. He was growing more comfortable with Roman, no doubt about that.

Didn’t mean he wasn’t fighting off an anxiety attack as he waited by the door to get picked up for their first outing alone.

He kept checking his phone and glancing out the peephole as Janus ran calming fingers through his hair. Virgil leaned into the touch instinctively, consciously slowing his breathing as Janus hummed. Logan was watching him from the entrance to the hall, leaning on the kitchen door frame. There wasn’t much he could do, but dammit if he wasn’t going to watch his son go off on the most anxiety inducing situation of all of their lives.

“You’ll be okay, kid,” Janus muttered, pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “You’ve been friends with him for a while now, and he said there were no expectations. You’re in total control here.”

“What if I have a flashback, or a panic attack, or go nonverbal or something? He’s going to freak the fuck out and then all the work will be for noth-”

Logan spoke up. “You’re worried about things that may not even happen. And besides, haven’t you spoken to Roman about these things already?”

“A bit. Not in detail,” he whispered.

“I would suggest you do so, today if possible. It will make any possible situations that arise easier and less jarring to deal with.”

Virgil looked up at Janus, a pleading look in his eyes.

“He’s right, kid. The sooner you get it out of the way, the better.”

There was a knock at the door and Virgil nearly jumped out of his skin. To his disdain, Janus backed away until he was next to Logan, gesturing at the door with a small smile. Virgil growled out a curse and opened the door, the scowl on his face melting into a sickeningly authentic smile.

“How’s my favorite emo? Hi Mr. Sanders, hey Prof.”

“Hello.”

“Salutations.”

“Your favorite emo?” Virgil snarked, pulling on his jacket. It wasn’t cold, not in the slightest, but he’d rather have the extra layer.

“You’re the only emo I know, so the choice is easy.”

“By process of elimination, doesn’t that also imply I’m your least favorite emo too?”

“Don’t start this again, Mr. Son-of-a-professor.”

“I’ll start it if I want to!”

The door closed behind them with one final wave to his parents, and the house was quiet. Janus leaned into Logan’s waiting arms, resting his head on the other’s collar bone.

“He’s all grown up.”

“That he is, my love.”

-----

Virgil smirked as Roman set out a large cliche picnic blanket, gesturing for him to sit. He did, crossing his legs and leaning on his knees as the other began to unload the basket.

“Okay, so for sandwiches, I have turkey, peanut butter and jelly, and ham. Patton made me bring apple slices because he’s a dad, but I’m sure we can convince the ducks to eat them.”

To prove his point, a group of ducks paddled out from under a weeping willow half submerged in the creek.

“I like apples,” Virgil defended, grabbing a slice from the open container and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. “How many people were you intending to feed with that much food?”

Roman pouted from behind a container of potato salad. “I had to show off my food skills, duh.”

“You made that?” Virgil asked with raised eyebrows as Roman set out a tin of mini quiches and a smaller one stacked with brownies and cookies.

“The cookies were Patton’s, but he insisted I take some. And I would have bought more, but…” He tipped the basket towards Virgil, revealing the bottom absolutely filled with different canned drinks and water bottles. “I didn’t know what you wanted to drink.”

Virgil actually did laugh as he stretched forward to snag a Doctor Pepper, taking another apple slice as he sat back.

“Do you have a sandwich preference?” Roman asked, choosing a Sprite for himself.

“Turkey looks good.” Virgil said before his choice paralysis could come into play, breathing a sigh of relief as Roman handed one of the sandwiches to him. The less stress he added to his own life, the better.

Roman had been right to bring an assortment of food, because dammit, he was a really good chef. Virgil was nervous to try a quiche, since he’d never had them before and the texture was odd to him, but Roman assured that if he didn’t like it, he’d eat it instead. Apparently he wasn’t eeked out by germs. After a nibble though, Virgil ate almost half the tin. Who knew cold eggs could be good? Roman took the ham sandwich, and they split the PB&J. The ducks were more than pleased to be given Roman’s half of the apple slices but Virgil refused to share, since fresh fruits were still a treat after a life of preserves. The younger wasn’t a huge fan of the potato salad, so Roman eagerly finished it, seemingly more excited to move onto the desserts but not wanting to leave any leftovers.

They were just finishing up the frankly absurd amount of cookies and brownies when Roman broke their casual bickering, chasing a chocolate chip bite with a long swig of Sprite and tossing another apple to their swarm of awaiting ducks.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself, Virge.”

“What do you want to know?” Virgil replied, leaning back on his hands.

“Anything, really. Childhood, siblings, favorite color, darkest fear.”

“Quite a spectrum, there.” There was a lot he could talk about, but he felt it might be better to get the bigger things out of the way. Janus was sort of the leading expert on this kind of thing, so his advice had probably been sound. He brushed his hands together to get the crumbs off them as he spoke, “Okay, so I grew up in the foster system.”

Roman tried to hide his wince. “Ouch. I’ve heard a lot of bad things.”

“It’s fucked,” Virgil drawled, stretching his arms above his head with a yawn, “I spent most of my time in a group home, though, because I was called ‘difficult’. No one wanted to deal with my ass.”

“Why?”

“Mmm, ran away, didn’t listen, talked back, antagonized any biological kids.”

“So like, a normal teenager?” The last apple slice was sacrificed to the feathered hoard.

Virgil snorted, “Yeah, but I came with a receipt. And I kind of liked the group home more.”

“How many kids were in the home?”

“Never more than fifteen. It was a big home. But they circulated, and I was like a housecat. Never gone for more than a month.”

“Jeez,” Roman sighed, taking a sip of his soda.

“My foster homes weren’t better.”

“Oh?” It was a subtle encouragement to keep talking, but now it was getting into territory that Virgil liked to avoid.

“One of my foster houses was really neglectful, forgot to give us food, didn’t let us do laundry, that kind of stuff. Gave me a wicked ED. I was twelve.”

Roman grimaced.

“My next one was more emotionally and mentally manipulative. I was kind of made into a babysitter for their younger bio kids. I had to get them ready for school, make them dinner, just basically be a parent. After I ran away from them, they started having trouble placing me. I was older, had a shitty record, kind of a left over. I mean, I deserved it. I was a dick.”

“You were a kid, Virgil.”

“A kid who chose to make his own life harder.” He shrugged, “That’s why I was placed into… that home. They were a last resort place for other ‘trouble kids’.”

Virgil took a deep breath and, with Janus’ words in his mind, began to explain his attempted conversion; the slip of tongue that led to the placement, the verbal abuse, food deprivation, electroshock therapy, the snuck antipsychotics, forced isolation, ending with the day the wife had called the police behind her husband’s back out of guilt and he was rescued.

Roman was quiet for a long minute after he finished talking, staring entranced at the can in his hands. The ducks had dispersed during Virgil’s story, upset at the lack of food.

“I…”

Virgil waited for him to get up and leave, to say with false apologies that he didn’t think they would work out, that the connection was wrong. Because who would want to deal with him, his stupid trauma? But the man next to him didn’t move except to breathe, and Virgil took that as an invitation to continue, his tone quieter.

“I was super out of it for a while. Honestly, I don’t remember the rescue, or like a solid month after that, except for snippets here and there. The drugs were fucky. And then my social worker, god bless her heart, found Janus and Logan. Janus was in CT too for a while when he was younger, so they took me in. Took a long time, but I opened up to them, but by then I was eighteen. They still insisted on adopting me, though, and there’s absolutely no convincing Logan once he’s made his mind up, so… they did.” He waved his hands around a little.

“Three months,” Roman blurted out of nowhere, making Virgil flinch.

“What?”

“Were you in ther-... CT for three months?”

“Two and a bit, why?” The moment it was out of his mouth, he realized the implications, and his heart froze.

“You were gone for three months. I thought you died, or… I don’t even know.” Roman looked like he was about to cry, watching Virgil imploringly. Him going MIA must have affected his soulmate more than he’d thought.

“Two months of CT, and then another one before I got a new phone. I’m…” All the guilt he’d felt at the time came rushing back, the reminder of his soulmate’s music dwindling to almost nothing and him being helpless, “I’m sorry. Shit, I’m so sorry. That must have been…”

“No, Virgil, you don’t get to apologize. That was not your fault.” He reached out a hand as if to grab Virgil’s and immediately pulled back, wringing his fingers instead. “Sorry, my choice of comforting is physical. But I won’t.”

“Thank you,” Virgil choked out, running his hands through his hair.

“Can you look at me?”

He did, taking a shuddering breath. He was moments away from a panic attack and he was not looking forward to that disaster.

“You were being- quite literally- tortured for months. You were abused in ways that shouldn’t be legal, and you came out the other side stronger. Frankly, I’m amazed at your perseverance. You’re amazing.”

Simultaneously, Virgil felt a hot blush rise to his ears, and a sharp jolt run through his arms into his chest. He jerked violently, tipping over his own soda onto the grass.

“Shit, did I say something wrong?” Roman gasped, reaching over to pluck up the can before it could spill more. It was already half empty, thank goodness.

“No, I just… do that. Sometimes. From… CT. Kind of like ghost shocks, I guess.” Why couldn’t the ground just open up and swallow him whole, he wondered. He hadn’t done that jerk thing in front of anyone in so long. The last time had been in front of his now-parents, and they’d quickly grown used to it. He’d grown used to their own contact very soon and his twitches had stopped after he was accustomed to it, but it had never been directed towards him, and he had a feeling he’d need time to stop his impulse reactions.

“And me calling you amazing…”

“Triggered them. It’s an exposure thing though, so I’ll just need to get used to it. Don’t blame yourself.” He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes until bright white flashes of light burst into his vision. Suddenly, he was exhausted.

“Do you want me to drive you home?” Roman asked, already packing up their picnic basket. Virgil nodded, his social meter drained, and all ability to be a civil person was quickly deteriorating. His therapist said that would also begin to heal after a while.

Roman was an absolute angel though, letting the silence linger so Virgil could cradle his slowly growing headache, even opening the door of his car like a perfect gentleman. As they pulled out of the parking lot, Virgil rested his head against the seat and let a tiny smile tug at his lips. It would be a long process to retrain his brain (in theory, he was okay with being in a relationship with a man, but actually doing it? Infinitely harder), but for once, he was actually looking forward to the process.

Would you guys like a collection of one shots surrounding Virgil’s gradual warming up to his new family, a decent mix of angst and fluff? I have some ideas.

Thanks for reading! Now, a taglist.

@sapphic-satan

@anxious-logic

@wigsnatchedhoteltrivago

@extraintrovertedalien

@punk-academian-witch

@ray-does-stuff

@chimneychimney

@i-cant-find-a-good-username

@falsemood

@wtf-casper

@cpmansion

@killjoyjay

@fandomfan315

@anxious-darkwolf

@eternalmoonlight19

@winterwynd

@espepspes

@ironwoman359

@willowaudreykeyes

@mycatshuman

@weweregoddesses

@im-an-anxious-wreck

@imknittingahat

@surohsopsisofclouds

@korsaromantic66

@astraheart04

@quartz-z

@mikalya12

@koalas-in-coffee

@isabelle-stars

@a-ghostlight-for-roman

@existentialeggdogg

@pumpkinminette

@coffeeflavoredtears525600

@wyvern-tales

@heyhalloween

@grayson-22

@bullet-tothefeels

@mostlikelytokillyouwithaspoon

@lovelivingmydreams

@sarcasmremovedsoul

@crofterskinnie

@blissbiscuit

@baka-monarch

@lostspacecat

@green-call

#lywrites #tsshipmonth2020 #prinxiety #roman sanders #virgil sanders #loceit #logan sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #sanderssides #sanderssidesau #sanderssidesfanfiction #sanders sides #sanders sides au #sanders sides fanfiction #ts soulmate au

271 notes · View notes

dailydestieldose · 3 years

Text

Reboot Head-canons

I’ve thought about this a lot, and here’s the thing:

Dean’s not biologically John’s son

Because of their blood types

Maybe Mary slept with one of John’s (much better) brothers

Shamelessnatural!!!!

And the narrating is Dean explaining that to somebody, hopefully briefly, maybe because of a complication with a case where he HAS to tell now.

Maybe he talks about how John knew, and that’s why he was always rougher on Dean, because Dean was a constant reminder of that betrayal, and that’s why Dean was raised a soldier and not as his son. Maybe Dean talks about how he figured it out in 5th grade. He had to do a project on his lineage and had to ask John questions about each family member, and none of his traits aligned with both his parents

Neither had green eyes and blonde hair, blood type disparities, eye flecks, etc. and Dean realizes, with how John was looking at him in that moment, with so much hatred. He talks about how John all but hated him, and always did, even when Mary was alive, but he tried not to let it show because FOR SOME REASON he couldn’t get himself to leave Mary, almost as if heaven itself was forcing him to stay and love her…

Dean talks about how he used to hate himself for it, but now he’s glad. He never met John’s brother, but he was kind, and if not for heaven’s cupid keeping John and Mary together, would’ve been legitimately good to Mary. And besides, Dean already has a dad. Bobby.

I want to see Dean talk about John’s homophobia and subtle sexism. About how much of a journey it was for Dean to unthink what John taught him. I want Dean to have friends in high school that all slowly come out as queer and we watch as Dean grapples with and then let’s go of his predjudice. I want a shameless scene like when the dad found Ian and Mickey together and I was Dean and his boyfriend to go live with Bobby.

I want them to talk about the times. Homosexuality was ILLEGAL for most of Dean’s life. I want him to talk about the fear. Friends being sent to conversion camps, helping them to run away, them being put on dangerous amounts of testosterone because people believed that it would “cure” the gay away. I want Dean to talk about the fear and the shame, but I want it to be like Hannah Gadsby on Netflix and her coming out speech. I want them to HONOR what it used to be like for queer people. When someone died of aids, cemeteries turned turn them down when their families asked to bury them there, hate crimes were rampant, police officers constantly raided and arrested queer spaces.

I want to see Dean being dropped off at a library as a preteen because it was public and free and John didn’t care about finding someone to watch him for now. And I want to see Dean find a book about the stonewall riots. I want him to narrate it like “Virtually Normal” by Andrew Sullivan.

I want Dean to talk about joining the football team, but sneaking behind John’s back to be a cheerleader. I want him to talk about his first love. I want him to talk about why he quit school and I want it to not be because he’s stupid. They need to show him going back to a library and educating himself, studying for his GED at night after hunts.

I want them to show Dean also wanting to get out of the life, but pushing it away because he had to keep Sammy safe. And when Sammy left for college, I want Dean to take stock of his life, and John to find Dean cuddling with Lee and watching tv, in love, and I want the shameless coming out fight scene.

And I want Dean and Lee to run away to Bobby’s after, and for Bobby (who Dean told years ago) to absolutely LAY INTO John about it. I want John to just agree to turn the other cheek, but for Dean to feel proud because Bobby accepts him. I want Dean and John to have a Boy Erased scene.

I want them to talk about how Dean was so in love and in beautiful relationships with his boyfriends through his teens that he could easily see himself quitting the life and settling down with them.

But chuck had to manipulate circumstances so that that never happened. I want Dean to lose love after love. And for him to MAKE himself grow cold to the idea. And then I want him to meet Cas. And Benny. And I want him to narrate how sometimes queer love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. I want to watch him heal. So many queer people have to overcome similar trauma.

I don’t want it to end with Dean coming out. Why would that be the end? Queer narratives don’t revolve around straight people finding out we’re queer. I want them to just truthfully delve into what it was like for queer people, because it’s important, for us and for the characters.

I want them to show that queer experiences MATTER. TWO main characters can be queer and defy entire meta layers for that love. I want Dean to be narrating to Cas about how the men that Dean’s loved before taught him how beautiful queer love can be and that because they cared about Dean, Dean became so much more than god himself intended or could stop.

In other universes, Dean didn’t meet the same people, or at the right time, and so was never the man that Cas was capable of falling for. I want to see the shaping of Dean. But I want to see John (rightfully) posed as an obstacle that Dean had to overcome, both John’s immediate abuse and his legacy. Jensen has always very subtly played Dean as a victim of John’s abuse, and we know that he has issues with his own father. I do not truthfully believe that he would take this time to glorify John.

I, for one, am ready for this reboot, it’s about time Dean gets to break his silence.

#original #fuck john winchester #reboot #spn drama #bi dean #queer dean #gay cas #headcanons #original writing

34 notes · View notes

helahades · 3 years

Note

How do you think Hela woulda been with Thor and Loki if Odin hadn’t kicked her out? Like what kinda sibling relationship?

you know ?

On Hela as a Sister

warnings: childhood trauma, mentions of abuse, mentions of odins gaslighting

these are my favorite hela aus because everything else is inherently angsty and sometimes i just want her happy

there is nothing quiet about helas dedication or her love

she is...so protective. esp since the age gap is so large shes double their age

being a big sister that has had time to reflect on childhood, and then watching more children be raised in the same environment, the instinct is very much to provide those children with support that you needed then

i think there is a special kinship to be recognized between her and loki. literally two seconds ago i read a fic that suggested hela was an outcast as a child

while i don’t think sexuality/queerness is as big of a thing^tm on asgard and that they’re pretty fluid, there’s something to be said about the parallels between Loki’s genderfluidity + sexuality and helas repressed exploration

hela is literally the rough draft and Odin is not far from coming of age himself when he has her, so I imagine she received the worst of his intensity, and as suggested by the same fic I just mentioned, she was made to put a lot of inner exploration on the back burner in favor of becoming daddy’s little weapon

all this is to say that hela is gay and I think that her vulnerability is parallel to Loki’s in a way I can’t describe and that they both need a very similar kind of nurturing

I think Hela would have a bond with Loki that involved making him work through some of his inner turmoil rather than repress it, and I think she would help him channel his magic as a thing that can be nice and not only destructive

now for thor, i won’t ignore that he definitely has experiences all sorts of different attraction to all genders. he channels his emotions much differently though + otherness is really not as central to his main struggles

at his most mature and even at his worst, there is a very direct line between the cause of his stress and the expression of that stress

aka, he’s much less prone to repression, and actually, on the complete other end of the spectrum. I think Thor may have trouble at times identifying where he’s having a problem

it sounds backwards. he talks through things, he identifies problems and works through them. but sometimes problem solvers let problems blow by after resolution without assessing how it’s damaged their armor

think of infinity war. an obviously distressed Thor sees a direct solution to the loss he’s faced. he simply needs to kill thanos and everything will be better right?

hela and thor have similarly explosive emotions, but hela is more loki in the plotting and handling of them

now hela isnt all knowing and as much as I would like her as a big sister to help them through everything, she doesn’t understand all of both of them

but hela is very good at identifying what makes her angry

and she’s exceptional at seeing how people associated with her have been wronged

her core unit of people is a source of pride and extreme dedication and she is very attuned/sensitive to how they are feeling

she has an awareness of the temperaments of people around her in general, but where it may manifest generally as her playing the long game of life, with family it’s different

she’s aware when they’re hurt, when they’re confused or angry, and in her best way i think she would try to help them confront that

speculation of their dynamic is a little stranger for Thor because Loki was..never intended for the throne. it’s simpler and there’s not much destiny conflict

perhaps hela would be queen and Thor could be free, an adventurer

Had they been raised in a way that is healthy, and to be able to identify personal goals separate from the crown, perhaps Thor would have realized he didn’t want to be king much sooner

I see Thor a blond ball of fire, running to the chambers of his big sister to gush about what he’s learned one day

He tells her about how he held fire and brought dried herbs to fresh blooms and how he’s just so ready to conjure lighting

Pulling the final plait loose from her warrior braid, her hair falls loose and she smiles warmly, pulling him up to her bed to sit and begins one of her animated tales that always have a way of entrancing him

She speaks of kings and wielding magic and how rushing to too much too fast has been the end of even the greatest

She hands him a bouquet that’s wilted and asks him to turn it whole, marveling at his successes with animation that swells the pride of his young soul and tells him to keep at his studies

She says she’ll teach him lighting personally when the time comes

anyway

all of them are bound by intense longing, passion, a desire to be appreciated

ultimately, if hela had been raised with more love and attention, there would have been ripple effects of support, she could have been a better example for how to channel their intensities

hela is a big sister sworn to the duty of protection and proper encouragement, but will always have a lot to work through on her own

protectors need protection, and hopefully the day will come where she will sit back and watch how they’ve blossomed, before looking onto her own clearer image of destiny xx

#writing tag #will tag later wow im tired #thank you honey !#ask tag #hela hcs #hela odinsdottir #hela headcanons #hela au #big sister hela #hela x happy childhood #bit of a childhood trauma joke for u

57 notes · View notes

plounce · 4 years

Photo

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

#cats the musical #mr mistoffelees #rum tum tugger #demeter cats #bombalurina #tuggoffelees #demelurina #chirps #bird in the hand

110 notes · View notes

vanilla107 · 3 years

Text

Five Minutes of Sunset

Before the Curse of Sarah Fier series

Summary:

“We meeting after? Same spot? Sam gonna be there?” she asked, and Deena nodded.

“Simon too. He said he got us discounted food!” Kate said excitedly.

“I hope you know that means that the food is about to expire,” Deena said, deadpanned.

“Whatever! Food is food and I’m not going to turn down chicken wings and all the candy bars I can eat.” ~~~ Four friends get together on a Friday afternoon to talk shit about Sunnyvale and watch the sunset.

Also titled as: I JUST WANT TO WRITE FICS WHERE EVERYONE LIVES AND ARE HAPPY LIKE FUCK THEM DYING. GIMME MY FAVS BACK.

Read on AO3

It was a usual overcast Friday afternoon in Shadyside and Deena stretched her arms over her head as she headed towards the Shadyside High girl's locker room. The potent smell of floral body spray made her sneeze as she entered the room, high pitched voices bouncing off the walls and she winced before making a beeline down the corridor towards the toilets.

Her breath caught in her throat though, when she saw Samantha Fraser walking away from the toilets and towards her, and the grin that Sam gave her was enough to make her stomach knot.

Sam’s blonde hair glimmered under the crappy fluorescent lights and usually, Deena would have questioned that because the lighting was really shit but she didn’t care. Sam had already changed into her Shadyside cheerleader uniform, the blue and black standing out against her skin and her toned legs on display. Deena realised that she was shamelessly checking Sam out but before she could look away, Sam’s hand gently brushed against hers.

“I’ll see you later? The Spot?” she whispered, and Deena gave her a small nod before they walked past each other.

Deena’s heart could’ve exploded but she contained herself before turning left to the cubicles. There were two other band girls, Krystal and Lili, at the sinks chatting about some test they had earlier that day and Deena gave them a nod before walking to the end of the room where Kate, her best friend, was checking her hair. Kate grinned when she spotted Deena and gave her a hug. With black hair in a neat ponytail, a spotless record and dark eyes that could pick up the smallest detail, Kate was a good friend to have.

"How was AP English?" Deena asked and Kate rolled her eyes.

"Insufferable as always. Gary was a prick and decided to argue with me on every point I made while discussing Macbeth. I get that he doesn't like me, but fuck can he just give it a rest?” she groaned as she rolled her shoulders back.

“You do realise that he probably likes you, right? C’mon Kate, that’s the oldest trick in the book. He’s probably being an asshole to get your attention.”

“It’s stupid and if he thinks that it’s some form of flirting, then he’s dead wrong,” Kate huffed before looking at Deena’s gym bag.

“You getting ready for band?”

Deena heard Krystal and Lili take turns at the hand dryer before walking down the corridor, their retreating steps and voices echoing.

“Yep. And you have cheer practice,” Deena sighed, and Kate looked around, as if to check that no one was listening to them, before giving her a smirk and lowering her voice.

“Don’t worry. I won’t hog your girlfriend for too long. Besides, I’m there to yell and be on top of the pyramid.”

They both knew that was a lie. Despite Kate’s dismissive attitude towards cheerleading and all her other societies, she took it all seriously so that she could ‘Get the hell out of Shittyside’. She planned choreographies, sold extra drugs to raise money for cheer uniform upgrades and more. Deena felt that Kate did too much for a town that seemed against them with their nickname ‘Murder Capital USA’, but she knew that between the two of them, Kate deserved to get out.

“Oh please. We both know you do more than that,” Deena scoffed, and Kate shrugged her shoulders.

“We meeting after? Same spot? Sam gonna be there?” she asked, and Deena nodded.

“Simon too. He said he got us discounted food!” Kate said excitedly.

“I hope you know that means that the food is about to expire,” Deena said, deadpanned.

“Whatever! Food is food and I’m not going to turn down chicken wings and all the candy bars I can eat.”

“I gotta get changed and you should get going. Don’t want to be late for practice,” Deena said with a smile and Kate flipped her off before leaving her to get changed in one of the cubicles.

Deena listened Kates’s footsteps retreat, and she undressed and changed into her band uniform. She wasn’t self-conscious of her body and didn’t mind changing in front of other people, but the girl’s locker room didn’t leave much to look at. The last thing she wanted was for a girl to point at her for staring and then the whole school would think she’s gay (which she was but that’s wasn’t the point).

Kate had managed to spin a rumour that Deena had a scar on her lower abdomen that she had gotten in an accident and was still ‘healing from the trauma’. While her eyes wouldn’t wander around the change room now that she only had eyes for Sam, it was easier to keep the rumour going and have privacy.

That was another reason Deena loved Kate. Kate could lie flawlessly, and because she was a good student, no one would think twice.

Deena opened the cubicle and adjusted her hat before heading out the locker room and to practice.

~~~

She sighed in relief as she took off her hat and threw it into her bag and changing out of her clothes and changing into a fresh set of clothing.

Most of the band kids had left soon after practice, uniform and all but Deena was headed straight to The Spot as soon she could, so avoiding a trip back home would be beneficial.

Kate and Sam had ended practice earlier and both had gone home to shower and freshen up. Deena didn’t blame them. The showers in the locker room were gross and she was sure she saw mold on the ceiling.

She shuddered before throwing on a t-shirt and jeans and heading out of the locker rooms. She waved bye to Krystal and Lili, who somehow always ended being the last ones getting changed and left the locker room.

Deena thought about the homework she had to do as she walked past the pep rally posters and the banner reading, ‘Let’s Bring It Home, Witches!’. Deena was aware that the biannual football game against Sunnyvale and Shadyside was next Friday and despite Shadyside High having a good football team, Sunnyvale almost always beat them.

It was like a joke. Every single game, a Shadyside football player got injured or a Sunnyvaler would score miraculously, and Deena didn’t mean any offence, but what was the banner supposed to mean?

What where they bringing home?

The last shreds of their dignity?

It was so embarrassing but with Sunnyvale being the only city close enough to them, Shadyside didn’t have a choice.

Deena took a deep breath in before exhaling her feelings of the rivalry between Shadyside and Sunnyvale. This last week had been exhausting but she was happy it was over, and she could spend her weekend unwinding. She didn’t need to think about Shadyside and Sunnyvale.

All she wanted to think about was her, Sam, Kate and Simon hanging out on a late Friday afternoon.

She walked out of the school and a breeze lifted a few of her curls and inwardly thanked that she had packed blankets for them. She thought about the homework she’d have to do on Sunday and the three-page assignment for English, before shaking her head and taking out her Walkman from her backpack and drowning out her thoughts.

~~~

Simon was waiting for her, at least 6 shopping bags with him on the ground and he grinned mischievously as she gestured to all the bags.

"Look if we're starting this weekend off with a bang, we're doing it right. I got mini pies, meatballs, weird little vegetable sticks, donuts with that thick icing Kate loves so much, fries with enough oil to clog up our arteries-"

"Did not need that image Simon," Deena interrupted with a shudder.

"-sugar cookies, three different types of Oreos, cupcakes and... a little magic juice," Simon said, wiggling his eyebrows as he opened one of the bags that had a brown paper bag it cheap white wine.

Deena winced at the beverage and Simon straightened up and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, you don't have to have. I got it because I thought we could all loosen up a little. It’s not heavy shit either but no worries if you don't want, Dee."

His tone was sincere, and she gave him a small smile. Only Kate, Sam and Simon knew about her dad’s drinking problem, and they had been over to her house enough times to see some of the empty beer cans in the bin. While Deena knew that it was her dad’s fault for drinking too much and being passed out on the couch, she couldn’t help but wonder if alcoholism ran in her family.

That last thing she wanted was to be like him.

"Thanks Simon. Now let's carry this to the spot,” she said, and he smiled dopily at her.

They grabbed three bags each and they began to walk away from the supermarket.

"I'm surprised you got off so early. Don't you usually close the store on Fridays after school?"

"Yeah, but my manager loves me so much that when I asked him and flashed my beautiful doe eyes, he told Kristen to do it instead. She looked furious," he giggled, and Deena snorted.

Simon frequently complained about Kristen Jenkins, his other co-worker, who was a nightmare. She did all her work but was always trying to one up him to get employee of the month. While Simon didn't care for the title, he liked seeing his picture on the wall and knew it would only piss if Kristen more of he was overly sweet to her.

"You know she might kill you some day," Deena laughed.

"Not if I get to her first," he said suggestively, and Deena hit him playfully.

"Pervert," she said, and he danced forward, the bags swaying in his hands.

"Nah, just a law-abiding citizen your honour!" he yelled.

They discussed their homework and their other plans for the weekend (Simon was working as usual and Deena knew she would be stuck at home with homework and looking after her brother, Josh). They walked past familiar streets and soon the gravel under their shoes became a steep rocky path as they exited their town. Deena hated this part of the walk, but their destination would be worth it. They took a left into the forest and continued their walk in a comfortable silence.

The path got steeper, and Deena gritted her teeth as she made her last step up, revealing a little patch of grass with the best view of Shadyside. She could see the grocery store, her school and even the Sheriff’s office in the distance.

It was a hidden gem that she had found one night after her dad got home drunk and in a fit of rage, left the house with no idea where to go.

She didn't want to go to any of her friend's houses and at that point, Sam wasn’t her girlfriend yet and she didn’t want to scare her away (even though Sam reassured her a few months later after Deena had confessed that her dad was hardly around). Instead, she ran. Ran to the point where her lungs were burning for air and her shirt stuck to her back with sweat. It was so dark, and she realised she had no idea where she was going. She took lefts and rights before realizing she was in the forest outside of town but eventually saw a light source and kept following it until she got to the small patch of grass that overlooked Shadyside. Deena had stayed there till sunrise, watching the world go from dark to bright and a feeling of calm passed over her as she soaked in the first rays of the day. She had made her way home to find her dad passed out on the couch and Josh still asleep, both unaware that she had been gone for nearly four hours.

She had collapsed onto her bed and slept, her anger seeping away from her bones, but the memory of the sunrise embedded in her memories. She had shown Kate and Simon that spot a week later, and it became a regular hang out for the three of them until Deena started dating Sam a few months later.

Sam had been hesitant at first to go to ‘The Spot’ as Simon had called it but then again, Sam was hesitant with almost everything concerning her budding relationship with Deena.

Deena was hoping that Sam would loosen up over time, but she knew how her mom was…strict, had high expectations and a tight grip on who was in Sam’s social life. Deena hadn’t messed up yet but knowing that Sam could disappear from her life purely because of Sam’s mother was another kind of fear. Deena had met Sam’s mom, who seemed nice enough but hearing about a fight between Sam’s mom and dad, it sounded like her mom was slightly more vicious.

“Deena? You good?” Simon asked and she blinked as she snapped out of her daydream.

“Yeah…sorry. Oh…you set up everything,” she said, raising an eyebrow at the beautiful scene in front of her.

“When you leave a retail employee alone with food that needs to be organized, you can’t expect him to not do anything. I assumed that the two fluffy blankets were for cuddles later and the other was for this picnic, so I took it out. That okay?”

Deena nodded and made herself comfortable and grabbed a mini pizza.

“Perfect Simon. So…how expired are these?” she asked, taking a sniff and Simon stared at her.

“Do you not trust me, Deena?” he gasped dramatically and before she could answer, a familiar voice from behind them yelled.

“If she did, I would be worried!”

Deena grinned as she put down the pizza and stood up to see Kate and Sam walking together. Kate was holding two bottles of apple juice and Sam had a box of cookies in her hand. Sam’s hair was damp from her shower earlier and Kate’s cheeks were a rosy red. They were both in comfy clothes and Deena hugged Kate first before hugging Sam.

“Glad you could make it, Sam,” Deena whispered, and she felt Sam hold her a little tighter.

“Me too. Snuck out the house and everything,” she giggled into her ear, and Deena’s jaw dropped.

“Wait what? Seriously? Damn Samantha sneaking out-?” Deena teased, and Sam grinned.

“Won’t your parents notice you’re gone?” Simon asked as he popped a grape into his mouth before frowning and inspecting the container. “Okay…the grapes might not be good.”

Kate raised an eyebrow and she swiped a grape before her face scrunched in disgust, “Ew no. Oh that’s disgusting. Take it away.”

Simon laughed before taking the grapes and throwing them away into one of the empty carrier bags.

“Uh…not tonight. They both have work and stuff,” Sam said, and Deena detected the hesitance in her voice. She pushed down the urge to ask what the real answer was and sighed in relief when Kate let out a squeal from behind her.

“You are fucking brilliant Simon Kalivoda!” Kate said as she held up a donut with white icing on the top.

Simon gave Deena a triumphant look as Kate bit into the donut and signed in happiness while Deena took Sam’s hand and lead her to the food. The sat down and soon, conversation filled the air in between bites of food.

“Shadyside versus Sunnyvale next week. Yay,” Kate grumbled in between bites of her donut, and Simon looked at her with sympathy.

“At least their cheerleading routines aren’t as good,” he said and at those words, Kate visibly perked up and Deena hid her laugh.

“Damn right,” Kate said, before grabbing a meatball and popping the whole thing into her mouth.

“Okay so here’s what I’m thinking…we graffiti Sunnyvale’s bus!” Simon smiled evilly and Kate smacked him on his head.

“We’re trying to avoid conflict Simon. Not give them a reason to retaliate plus knowing them, they’ll get lawyers involved and all that crap.”

“But they win almost every time!” Simon moaned in frustration, “What’s the point of even having the matches if we already know the outcome?”

Deena heard Sam giggle next to her and she smiled as their conversation continued.

“Does no one think it’s a little weird that their team’s name is the ‘Sunnyvale Devils’?” Sam asked and Deena turned to look at her in surprise.

“Care to elaborate?” Kate asked and Sam sat up a little straighter.

“Well Sunnyvale has all these good things happen to them and it only seems that Shadyside suffers right? Economically and all that.”

As Sam spoke, she opened up the plastic container of cookies and she offered to everyone. Simon bit into one and Deena swore his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he let out a moan of pleasure.

"Stop being so sexual, weirdo!" Kate said and Simon ignored her as he turned to face Kate.

"These are incredible. Did you make them?" he asked and Sam smiled brightly before nodding. "You must give me the recipe, holy shit. It's like there's cocaine in here!"

Everyone laughed before Sam continued.

"It's just strange that between two towns not too far apart from each other, one is thriving economically and the other is suffering."

“Except we have the murders! What's that nickname...'Murder Capital USA'? Yeah that!” Simon chipped in and Kate rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, but that hasn’t happened recently,” Kate argued.

“Not yet!” Simon said lowering his voice eerily and Kate turned back to look at Sam.

“Ignore him. You were saying?”

“Well, it’s strange that they’re the Sunnyvale Devils. Why would they name their team after the devil since they clearly have a blessing from God to thrive,” Sam said snarkily, and Deena grinned, happy that her girlfriend, who usually said things to please everyone else, was allowing herself to loosen up a little.

“I don’t know but they suck and maybe they deserve to have a mascot who is the literal devil,” Kate said proudly.

“A toast to Shadyside!” Simon yelled and Deena gave him a look of confusion.

“How about a toast to friends?” Kate suggested before looking over to Simon. “Y’know, since we have a ninety-nine percent change of losing next week’s game?”

“There’s still the one percent,” Sam said softly, and Deena squeezed her hand.

She loved how optimistic Sam was, even in the shittiest situations. Deena felt like sometimes, Sam was too bright and sunny for her, and that Sam deserved a person just as bright and sunny as her, but Sam eased her worries instantly with a kiss and words of comfort.

Simon took out the cheap wine and raised an eyebrow at Deena, who shook her head.

“You not drinking?” Sam asked and Deena gave her a small nod.

“Okay, so it’s just me, Kate and…Sam, you in?” Simon asked as he lifted an empty cup and Sam smiled at him.

“No thanks. My mom can smell any sort of alcohol a mile away, even if it’s the cheap stuff.”

“Suit yourself!” Simon said with a shrug, and he held up a bottle of apple juice that Kate had bought. “Would you prefer this?” he asked, and the couple nodded.

The sky was a haze of orange and gold clouds as the sunset and while Deena had witnessed the sunset at The Spot for the last couple months, she never got sick of it. The sun lit up the town and for once, Shadyside’s beauty seemed to nearly be on par with Sunnyvale. Sure, they didn’t have three story mansions or newly painted tennis courts and country clubs, but the weirdly homey feeling of the town was what Deena appreciated. The sunset made her feel like Shadyside wasn’t all bad and that things could get better for her and her family. The feeling that she could come out with Sam as her girlfriend and her dad would stop drinking so much. It made her fantasize of travelling and experiencing life with Sam at her side but knowing that Shadyside was her home.

It gave her five minutes of hope that she needed.

“Cheers to friends!” Kate announced, holding her cup high and they all cheered before downing their drinks.

Simon decided to pretend being drunk as he stumbled around the grass and made dirty jokes while Kate pulled his arm to go explore a part of the forest. Deena knew this was Kate’s way of giving her and Sam some alone time and she inwardly thanked her friend before turning to face Sam, who was glowing from the golden rays of sun on her skin.

“Wow…” Deena whispered, and Sam looked up, a frosted cookie in her mouth.

“Hmm? Did I miss something?” she asked, as she chewed and swallowed.

“No…it’s nothing,” Deena said, before leaning back on her hands. “So…you want to tell me what’s going on with your parents?”

“Ugh, nothing gets past you!” Sam groaned before closing her eyes and turning to face Deena, nibbling on the cookie as she started to speak.

“I think they might be getting a divorce. The fights have gotten worse, and they argue almost every day. It’s like a relief when I wake up to them not fighting. I think they went to see attorneys this evening after work which is why I could sneak out. I…I don’t want to be home waiting for them to tell me that type of news right now.”

Deena winced as Sam's voice broke and Sam buried her head into her hands, silent tears dripping down her cheeks.

“I don’t know what to do, Deena. I saw this coming, but I don’t know what’s going to happen to me if they go through with the divorce. My mom mentioned something about Sunnyvale to my aunt on the phone a few days ago and…and what if I move and if I don't move and stay with my dad...I don't know...what if I have to choose between my parents-?”

Sam broke off and began sobbing and Deena took her into her arms smoothing down her hair. Sam relaxed into Deena's arms and after a few minutes Deena spoke up.

“I’m so sorry, Sam. You still got me, and Simon and Kate and…I’ll do everything I can to help you through this. I promise.”

“You mean that?”

“Yes, every word. I know it's going to be hard but you will always have me.”

Sam sniffed before lifting her head and wiping away her tears.

“Thank you, Deena. That means everything to me,” Sam said before cupping the side of Deena’s face and closing the gap between them.

Deena could feel the butterflies in her stomach and taste the strawberry icing from the biscuit Sam had eaten. She could feel Sam’s growing smile against her lips, and she melted into Sam’s arms.

How had she gotten so lucky?

Deena wasn’t sure how long they kissed but after they came up for air, there was a wolf whistle from behind them and Sam nearly screamed before realizing it was Simon, grinning manically with Kate by his side, a similar grin on her face, holding a polaroid camera.

“God, you scared the daylights out of us!” Deena yelled and Sam chuckled before clearing her voice.

“You guys find anything cool?” she asked, and Kate shook her head.

“Nah. Simon saw a skunk and wanted to chase after it, but I dragged him away before things could get…gross. But…we did get these!”

Kate bounded up to them before presenting them with two polaroid pictures and Deena let out a gasp. It was of the two of them, the Shadyside sunset in the backdrop while their silhouettes were nose to nose. Deena knew that the photo was discreet enough for them to not be recognizable, with her hoodie hiding her hair, but Deena knew that made it even more special to Sam, who couldn't afford her mom finding out that it was two girls close enough to kiss.

Sam was frozen in shock as she stared at her picture before jumping up and hugging Kate and repeating ‘thank you’ repeatedly while Kate just laughed.

Simon sat back down and grabbed a handful of cheesy puffs before smiling at Deena.

“You still think Shadyside is going to lose next week?” she asked, and he hummed before winking at her.

“Who knows? I’m feeling kinda lucky this evening,” he said as she smiled as Sam sat down and wrapped her arms around her, so that her back was against Sam’s chest.

Kate sat down next to Simon, who pouted and glanced in her direction, before rolling her eyes and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“There. That’s all the love I’m feeling tonight,” she said nonchalantly, and Simon only grinned before tackling her, kissing her cheeks and she squealed.

Deena snorted and Sam gasped in surprise before asking, “They’re not together, right? You told me that they weren’t?”

“No, but Simon is overly affectionate, and Kate tolerates it. He’s kissed my cheek a few times before I told him I was lesbian, and he’s backed off ever since to respect my boundaries. Kate describes it as friendly connections, but Simon is convinced that she’s madly in love with him,” Deena explained, and Kate glared at her from the ground as she pushed Simon’s face away from hers.

“Simon! Get off! And no Deena, I’m not madly in love with him!”

“But I have so much love to give Kate!” he complained, his words slightly slurred from Kate's hand being against his cheek.

“Then date one of the cheerleaders I’ve told you about! Or one the football players!” she yelled.

Simon have her a goofy smile before smiling mischievously.

“Nah, none of them would be able to tolerate me the way you do and don’t act like I haven’t caught you staring during cheer practice. You crush on the cheerleaders and football players too!”

Kate’s face flushed and Simon smirked at her before she ruffled his hair.

“Shut up Si-money. You know we’re platonic soulmates.”

That answer seemed to satisfy Simon as he helped her sit up right and he gave her a shit-eating grin.

“Hell yeah! Platonic soulmates! Now that’s something I can do,” he hummed happily, and she rolled her eyes, but her smile was undeniable.

The four of them watched the sky turn lilac with streaks of pink and orange and slowly but surely, the deep navy started to set in. The wind picked up, and soon the blankets were brought out and wrapped around shoulders. Deena and Sam cuddled together, their body heat more than enough, and Simon tried to cuddle with Kate before she scolded him.

“I already let you kiss me, Simon. Don’t push your luck with any skinship!”

“I just don’t want you to catch a cold! It’s called ‘being considerate’ Kate!” he argued back.

Deena tried to keep her laughter in when she looked over to them a few minutes later, with Kate looking grumpy because she was shivering, and watched as Simon wrapped his jacket around her as well as the blanket around them.

“This changes nothing, Simon,” she grumbled.

“Wasn’t planning on changing a thing,” he said, and that answer seemed to make her rest her back against his chest.

The stars came out and the sound of crickets echoed through the air. Deena wanted this moment to last forever. Everything was perfect.

“You going back home tonight?” Deena whispered into Sam’s ear, and she nodded.

“Yeah. Gotta get back before the parents but thankfully dinner is in the fridge, and I can avoid them for the evening by locking myself in my room.”

“You could always come back to my place.”

“You have a project to do plus even if you didn’t, I can’t. I’m visiting my grandparents tomorrow for breakfast and the parents would definitely notice my absence,” she said apologetically.

“You’re right. I should focus on school,” Deena said sarcastically, and Sam rested her chin on Deena’s head.

“I know you’ll create an amazing project.”

“You always have so much faith in me.”

“Why shouldn’t I? You’re Deena Johnson, my sarcastic, moody, intelligent girlfriend and I know you can do it.”

Deena’s heart swelled at the word.

Girlfriend.

She cuddled closer to Sam and watched the sky turn fully to deep navy, the lights from the town the only reason it wasn’t pitch black.

Deena knew they’d have to leave in a few minutes so that Sam could be home before her parents. Kate had mentioned she was babysitting that seven which automatically meant Simon would be accompanying her. Deena knew that Josh would probably be at home under a sheet and doing whatever dorky shit he did online, which left her alone to do work in her room.

She shook away those thoughts and decided to focus on how she was in Sam’s arms, feeling warm and with Simon and Kate, who made her stomach ache from laughter. She chose to focus on the sweetness from Sam's kiss on her tongue and the last glimpse of pale yellow before it vanished under the navy sky. She chose to look at the stars and close her eyes to make a wish, and even though she had grown out of the habit that wishes couldn’t come true no matter how hard you believed, she took the chance.

She could choose happiness now and that was all that mattered to her.

~~~

Thank you so much for reading!

These events take place before Sam's parents get divorced (and all the shit hits the fan) and she moves to Sunnyvale hence the Shadyside cheerleading uniform and all of them attending the same high school.

Kate and Simon are 100% my favourite characters and I adore how goofy Simon is. I definitely headcanon Kate as bi and Simon as pan (literally everyone in Fear Street is queer you cannot argue with me on this!) and I adore their friendship throughout Part One hence PLATONIC SOULMATES EVERYONE. Simon seemed to love hugging people and throwing his arm around other people's shoulders so I made in overly affectionate with Kate in this fic.

Not going to lie, I would love to write a part two for this where Deena is reflecting on this moment while visiting Simon and Kate's graves but that might make me sad soooooo...let me know if you guys would want to read some angst lol.

I also really love Ruby Lane and I might write a whole fic about her because she was definitely my favourite killer in the trilogy! Also Alice and Cindy because those girls were gay as hell and I really did think they were going to kiss at one point.

Anyway, thanks for reading and if you liked it, reblogs and likes are appreciated!

Stay safe, vanilla107 xoxo

#fear street #fear street netflix #deena johnson #sam fraser #kate schmidt #simon kalivoda #fear street fanfic #sameena #my writing #vanilla107 writes

24 notes · View notes