#I don’t even remember any extended conversation she had with Thor

[worstloki]

Caring understanding Frigga who wink wink already knows where Thor and Loki’s matters of the heart lie is sooooooooo not canon. That lady spoke to her sons 5 times throughout the cinematic universe and was scraping the bottom of an empty pot with how sound her advice was. She spoke to Loki 2 times and both times it was to gaslight him when he was already crying about something... give her prophetic visions all you want that woman is NOT a sage

[yourmcu]

Mesmerized

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Request:

@lostaurorax​ said:

hii!! i love ur writing i was wondering if u could write a natasha x reader fic were reader is part of the guardians of the galaxy and they come to the compound and natasha is just starstruck but reader plays kinda hard to get and then just a bunch of fluff !

Word count: 1,388

A/n: sorry it took a while! I really hope this turned out ok I’m so nervous lmfaosdkdk

Warnings: none

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

gif not mine! credits to the owner^^

Natasha’s outside the compound by the landing zone, taking light sips on her beer occasionally. The Avengers are having some sort of gathering or low-key party inside to celebrate their victory against Thanos a while back.

They never really had time to gather everybody just after the battle, but Tony contacted everybody for this special night. Natasha just wants to take a break from the games and conversations for a minute.

Speaking of conversations, she rolls her eyes at the thought about something Steve said. Because the tables have turned; if she was the one bugging Steve to date a few years back, he's now bombarding her with names of single people they knew, one of them being Bucky.

“He wouldn’t mind going out to dinner with you sometime.” Steve suggested. But Natasha knows the Winter Soldier and herself are better off as friends.

Natasha gets up when after the guardian’s ship lands smoothly against the grass meters away from her. She moves a few strands of her hair from her face to get a clear view of Thor striding out of the ship as soon as the door opens, along with the other guardians.

“Ah, Romanoff!” The god of thunder grins, patting her on the back. She’s never seen him this happy. Probably because it's all thanks to him the whole universe was free from mad titans – at least for now. “How’s life? Oh, yes, I’d like to introduce you to my friends here… of course you already know rabbit, and tree…”

Greetings and hand shaking fills the friendly atmosphere for a moment. Then you finally catch up with them, nudging Thor’s side and thrusting the large barrel of Asgardian ale into his arms.

“You must be the Black Widow,” you breathe out and offer a warm smile to the redhead, your hand outstretches. “Thor’s told me awesome stories about you guys. Y/N, by the way.”

Natasha nods, slightly breathless like you are but because of... well, you. She returns a smile and introduces herself as well.

“Everything’s pretty tech-y now, s’mazing.” You muse, entering the compound side by side with Natasha. The rest are walking in front of you, chatting among themselves. “I missed this planet.”

She glances sideways at you, “when’s your last visit?”

You chuckle. “I honestly don’t remember when but, it was a brief visit to my hometown and everything looked old fashioned, I think these huge compact disks were all the rage that time, vines- no, not vines-“

“Vinyl records?” Natasha raises an eyebrow, smiling. You laugh, which she finds adorable, and nod. “You and Quill are related, then?” She proceeds to ask since you look like a normal human, no antennas or any odd space stuff you could’ve inherited.

“Oh, no, we’re both half human though,” you shrug. “What about you? Tell me about yourself.”

She hesitates to tell a bit of her story at first but you seem nice and - accepting, like you’d never judge her. But she does leave out a few parts for another conversation.

Natasha retreats over to Steve who is behind the bar counter when you receive a big hug from Peter and Tony greets you with a “How’s it going, fireball?” and a pat on the back. She figures you want to meet the others, so she sits down across the super soldier to steal glances at you from afar. 

“Finally, I was starting to think he wasn’t gonna show - hey!” Steve raises his champagne at Thor and he does the same gesture before hurrying after Bruce. “Is it just me or did Groot get taller?”

You're still joking around with Tony, pretending to hit the still-bandaged wound on his chest, Rhodey laughs along, then Wanda offers you a cocktail and you accept it, thanking her.

Steve’s now going on about Wakanda, also sharing the stories from T’Challa. Natasha’s barely listening but occasionally hum and nod.

“Nat, if you don’t close your mouth you’re going to drool.” He laughs lightheartedly, averting his gaze from her to you. “I guess we have a winner, then?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Natasha gets up to grab another beer from the cooler. Steve continues to laugh, having a stupid grin on his face. “Oh c’mon, what’s her name?”

Even saying your name she feels out of breath. There's no point in pretending she isn’t into you now. “This isn’t normal. I just met her tonight and I shouldn’t be feeling this way.”

“You’re infatuated, it’s-”

“Hi,” you sit on a stool across from the two avengers, holding an open pack of marshmallows. Natasha lamely excuses herself to fetch a bottle opener. Steve straightens up and extends a hand which you take. “Nice to finally meet you, I’m-”

“Y/N.” Steve says. “Natasha’s been telling me about you.”

“I just thought you seemed nice,” she quickly recovers but her heart is still pounding.

You raise an eyebrow at her and giggle. “I’m flattered. You’re not so bad yourself, Natasha.” It’s true, you think she ‘seemed nice’ too. Sure she sounded so badass when Thor tells you stories but tonight she looks so cozy with her sweater and her hair braided to one side.

“Being surrounded with people like you guys is great but now I just feel like a party trick.” You take out a marshmallow while scanning the room (Steve is now playing pool with Sam, you notice, and you're alone with the redhead).

“What do you mean?”

You hold the marshmallow between your fingertips, igniting it out of nowhere for a second so it roasts just right, then pop it in your mouth. “Pretty useless, right?”

“Maybe if you only used it for something like that, but no,” Natasha smiles softly. “Fire conjuring, bit scary if you ask me. What if you randomly lit something up?”

“I was born with it. I remember having to wear gloves all the time as a child when I first set a houseplant to flames,” you both laugh. “I’m in full control of it now though.”

“S’that why Tony calls you ‘fireball’?”

You let out a laugh again. “Yeah. Or he might’ve forgot my actual name.”

“Y/N! I took the liberty of putting your stuff in the room you’ll be sleeping at.” Thor butts in, grinning from ear to ear, patting you on the head.

“Oh, right. Thanks buddy.”

“You’re welcome!”

Natasha turns to you, “you’re staying?” In her head she's coming up with ways on how to talk to you again once the party’s over and you return to space with the guardians. This just makes it a whole lot easier to get to know you even better.

“Yup, Thor is too. We both agreed on staying for a few weeks to catch up on stuff.” You reply. “I might actually turn in now, ‘think those cocktails are kicking in...”

“I’ll walk with you.” She says without giving it much thought but you nod and smile appreciatively.

“Perfect. It’s the guestroom beside your room.” Thor claps his hands together and walks away.

-----

“Can I ask you a question?”

You zip your bag and hum before looking up at her.

Natasha's leaning on your doorframe, hesitating. Is she going to fast? Is it too soon to ask? She fiddles with her hands, “do you have any plans tomorrow?”

This is fine. If you say yes or say no then decline her next question, she’ll just forget any of this happened.

“I don’t - well, I think Thor wanted to go out for breakfast but that’s it. Why?”

“Do you... maybe wanna go out?” Natasha asks silently, looking at anywhere but you. “To, you know, catch you up on some of the things you missed. Only if you want to, no pressure.”

But your eyes light up at her words. You kind of expected it, she was showing signs that she likes you all night. And you actually made the Black Widow nervous. “Natasha, I’d love to.”

“Oh,” she sighs in relief, feeling the beat of her heart return to a normal pace. “Well I’ll - I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You walk over to her and place a hand on her arm, then lean over to plant a kiss on her cheek. “Good night.”

[silence-burns]

Please Hate Me //part 51

Fandom: Marvel

Summary: Based on: “Imagine having a love/hate relationship with Loki.” by @thefandomimagine​ Who would have thought that babysitting a god could be so much fun?

Genre: slow-burn, enemies to lovers, banter, smut

The TV buzzed quietly in the living room, repeating the same string of information all the news stations had been reporting since yesterday. It was amusing to see how many different words could be used to state the same thing without anyone noticing, especially if the only clip actually capturing the event that'd been on everyone's tongues for the past 24 hours lasted for less than 10 seconds and had been recorded on painfully cheap equipment.

Still, a suspicious and still unexplained cloud of what appeared to be dust, rising at the edge of the observable surface of the Moon, kept people plastered to the screens.

Peter kept an eye on the report just in case any actual news dropped,  but so far, despite his ever growing curiosity, the world's experts were just as clueless as they had been yesterday, especially since investigating the site in person was not really an option.

A shiver ran down the boy's arms, urging him to keep moving. Even though the windows were wide open, the sour stench still hung in the air of his apartment. Fanning the air with an incredibly colorful and tacky fan aunt May had bought last summer, Peter had hoped to make the apartment a breathable place again before she was back.

"Don't look so smug," Peter gave Barbara the side eye. "It's your fault."

From the heights of the chandelier, the undead owl blinked slowly with all the smugness only an untouchable criminal was capable of mustering. In fact, the gagging odor only seemed to worsen.

Peter coughed, shuffling in even closer to the open window. They say that experience is the toughest, but also the best teacher, and Peter had no reason to disagree.

"...no wonder they didn't let you eat inside."

Peter checked the news again. He was dying to drown Loki and you under all the questions about what precisely had happened on the Moon. The boy had no doubts that your little visit there was directly connected to the incident, but he had no way of learning the truth just yet. The only two people knowing the facts were currently incapacitated and trying their best not to die on Peter's bed. Or at the very least not to let go of all the alcohol consumed.

Despite his best efforts, Peter was unable to wake them up. When he had offered to hide them from Thor for reasons they weren't the most open about, Peter had no idea it would be for such an extended period of time. Peter had only suggested his house because he knew aunt May was supposed to work till afternoon, but these few hours of peace and quiet were coming to a rather swift end with each moment Peter was incapable of waking and then moving out the two drunkards clinging onto his bed for dear life.

Peter had no idea how to explain them to aunt May. Or the undead owl poisoning the air from the heights of the chandelier.

With the door to his room firmly shut, Peter hoped his secret stash of people that definitely shouldn't be there would stay secret. He had a big chance of succeeding after all. If only he managed to fan out the stink in time and—

The keys rattled in the lock with the familiar jingle of all the little gadgets aunt May loved to keep attached despite their utter uselessness. 

Peter looked at Barbara. Barbara looked at Peter. The boy could've sworn the owl recognized the thoughts rushing through his head at that moment, and decided to be even meaner than usual. Before Peter managed to put together a story explaining how an undead and rather unhygienic owl came into his possession, the owl took a swift exit through the open window and disappeared, leaving only the stench behind.

"Oh, come on…"

Increasing the speed of his fanning, Peter hoped it would be enough. The sounds coming from the door shattered his hope.

Aunt May coughed as she walked in, dropping the grocery bags on the table. "Peter, sweetheart, please tell me no one died in here while I was gone."

She took the fan from his hands and leaned out of the window, taking large gulps of the fresh air.

Outside, there was no sign of a stinky undead owl anywhere in sight. Not even one filthy feather to prove how close to guessing the truth aunt May was. Peter was unsure whether it was for better or for worse, but it surely left him with all the questions remaining to be answered.

"No, of course not!" he laughed the fakest laugh of his life. "It's not like any animals could get in and just...decompose, right?"

"Well, it would certainly be hard given what floor we live on, but you know New York, the rats can just get anywhere."

Peter watched in growing terror as his aunt looked around, set firmly on finding the source of the smell. The living room was a closed space, with only so many pieces of furniture to look under before the idea of marching into the boy's room popped into her head.

There was little to no doubt his own head would be torn from his neck if she beheld the sight of it.

"That's not rats, really! It's just… well, Ned made me swear not to tell a thing, but you know his stomach and I had told him the burrito we had after school didn't look very well, but he was insistent, so…"

Peter shrugged, trying his best not to show how fast his heart was drumming in his chest. He made a mental note to apologize to Ned later, or at least buy him a burrito next time they met. Not mentioning the reason for it would probably be the wisest, though.

Aunt May sighed with what could only be read as parental concern. As Peter's closest friend, Ned was a frequent guest to the apartment and many meals have gone by with May admiring his appetite. She knew well the capabilities of Ned's stomach and the inhuman amount of food it could make disappear. 

"Poor thing, I really hope he recovers soon. Is he still there?" May whispered, nodding towards the bathroom.

"No, he just...left."

May raised her eyebrows. "In that state?"

"I mean, he said he was fine now and could make it home."

"You should call him," she gave up on her search and started unpacking the groceries she got on her way home. "I really hope he made it in one piece."

"That's a great idea, I'll do it right away."

Before May managed to say another thing, the boy was already gone, the door to his room firmly shut. She smiled to herself. Ned was a good boy and she was glad Peter still had a friend in him for so many years. If only his choices in food weren't a health hazard...

Peter locked the door behind him, pushing his back to it. He took a deep, if rather shaky breath.

"I'm glad you're finally awake, but what are you guys doing?"

You turned your head away from the open window, banging it into Loki's. He winced, but continued to assess the 10-story drop to the ground outside the building. 

"We're sneaking out," you slurred. "The suits are coming."

"What su-"

Even through his closed door, Peter heard the doorbell ring. He froze. "Who's that?"

"I don't remember, but they want something from us."

Peter looked at the door. Then back to you. Loki was already missing.

The fire escape was an old and wiry thing, stubbornly fighting against the rust and corrosion throughout the years. It stood mostly unbroken, which was greatly appreciated by the two people currently about to use it. But the passage of time left its mark that could be well heard by all the residents of the building. The high-pitched, irritating sound of old metal creaking under every step was a steep price to pay for a way out.

Peter took a deep breath in his now-empty room. It did little to steady him. Behind the door, he could hear a conversation between aunt May and a voice he almost recognized. Maybe if he snuck out after them…

"Peter, come here for a moment!" May called him with a smile to her voice.

It couldn't be that bad if she was smiling, right?

Reluctantly, Peter returned to the living room, bracing himself to meet whoever the suits were. 

"Hello, Peter," Agent Coulson nodded politely in his direction. 

SHIELD was in his house and Peter had little to no doubt the agent wasn't there to try his aunt's home baked cookies. 

"I'm sorry for the rush, Peter, but have you perhaps seen…," the agent looked at Peter's aunt, "your new coworkers? I can't contact them lately. We were working on a new project."

Peter watched his aunt link his apparent 'internship' at Stark Industries and Coulson's words. Even though she was growing giddy and engaged the agent in some small talk about the job, Peter knew the agent was still waiting for the answer.

There was only one way of getting out of this mess.

Playing dumb had always been his savior.

Peter was the image of innocence as he asked, "Who?"

But Coulson's features hardened almost imperceptibly. In one short moment, Peter knew he messed up.

Well, maybe playing dumb didn't work on certain people.

[high-functioning-lokipath]

Hurting Each Other - Part 1 - Loki x Reader

"So, any plans for the long weekend coming up?" Your coworker, Frances, asked as you unpacked boxes in the medbay storeroom.

"Oh I got big plans! I plan on getting real cozy with two fellas very near and dear to my heart. And my stomach," You joked. "Ben and Jerry."

"Oh come on, Y/N!" She groaned. "Don't tell me you still haven't worked up the courage to talk to one of them!"

"Frances!" You screeched. "You know I was assigned to this department because healing is the only ability of mine I have full control over and am confident in. You think things would go well if I tried to talk to one of the real heros?" You shook your head sadly and picked up some more bandages to put away. "I'd probably end up blubbering like an idiot and then knocking Captain America in the head with his own shield or something!"

"Now don't lie to me, I know that blond and buff isn't your type. I'd say tall, dark and mischievous, hm?"

"Frances, please stop. I already have half a mind to send half of these syringes flying straight at you."

"Please, I know you wouldn't. Is it really so hard to admit it to your best friend?"

"Fine," You relented. "I have a major crush on-"

"Help!" Someone yelled, bursting through the medbay doors. "Get help! Please!"

"Thor? What's he doing here?" Frances mumbled as you both rushed out of the storeroom.

"Brother, could you bear to be slightly less dramatic?" Loki groaned. He was clutching his side where his cape had been tightly wrapped.

"Thor, put him on the bed," You ordered. Thor nodded and quickly lifted his brother and plopped him down. Loki yelled loudly in what you assumed to be Old Norse and, judging by the look on Thor's face, it wasn't very nice. "Softly," You grumbled. You touched Loki's cape and teleported it off him. You gasped when you saw the deep gash in his side. "What happened?" You asked quickly.

"Well we were fighting them you see," Thor started. "Loki was fighting quite valiantly!"

"A little faster if you please!" Loki hissed.

"Yes of course! There was this one creature. At least 12 feet tall! Long fangs and glowing eyes-"

"Poisoned sword!" Loki yelled. "By father's beard, brother! Have you never learned how to tell a short story?"

"Alright," You said, biting back a chuckle. "Thor, would you mind waiting over there?" You said pointing to a chair a few yards away. You didn't want to ask him to leave but you did need him out of your way. He nodded and sat down. "Frances, some bandages and get me a syringe of antidote 289A." Loki looked at you oddly as you examined the wound in his side. "Actually, make that 289B, Frances."

"How do you know all this?" He asked you.

"Oh, I memorized all the medications for these types of injuries a long time ago. Too many accidental cuts," You admitted.

"Have you always been a nurse?" He asked. You stared at him for a moment, surprised he was actually carrying on a conversation with you.

"Uh, no. I-"

"Here it is," Frances interrupted, handing you what you needed.

"So what's your favorite food?"

"Why ask me that?"

"Oh, just wondering," You replied, discreetly getting the needle ready.

"That's quite an odd thing to ask at a time like-ow!" He exclaimed.

"Gotcha," You smiled. You finished healing the wound and put some bandages on it for good measure while he watched with a smile.

"Well, I must say I'm impressed. To trick the Trickster is no small task. I've seen you around but now you are even more intriguing. May I ask your name, darling?"

"Y/N," You replied, blushing brightly.

"How lovely," He replied. "Perhaps I can take you out for dinner tomorrow as thanks for your assistance today?"

"Uh, I-"

"Y/N!" Frances called out nervously. "I hate to interrupt but, can I get down please?" You looked up quickly and saw that you'd accidentally let your telekinesis go haywire again. Both Frances and Thor were floating midair as well as a handful of other objects around the room.

"Oh no!" You cried, everything instantly falling back to the floor. You were so embarrassed that you teleported yourself away to your room without another word.

"What happened?" Loki asked, back in medbay. Frances shook her head and walked over to him.

"I think it's best you talk to her yourself, ok? She gets nervous in certain situations and that happens. She'll probably get nervous again but anything you should know she needs to tell you herself." Loki nodded and sat up.

"Well then, if you'll excuse me," He said. "I think I know what I have to do."

~ About 3 weeks later ~

"And that is how we started dating. Loki did indeed come to my room to speak with me," You explained, smiling at your boyfriend brightly. "I didn't want to let him in at first, of course. I was afraid I would accidentally launch a book or something at his head."

"A hairdryer," He said, under his breath.

"What was that?" Bucky asked.

"She did get nervous," Loki said with a smirk. "And it was a hairdryer." Most everyone laughed and congratulated the two of you.

"Well, I for one am happy for you both actually," Tony said. "So, as a celebration of your new relationship and the rest of the team's safe return from their extended mission today, I ordered pizza. Now let's eat!"

Everyone got up and headed straight for the pizza boxes on the table. "Loki, can I talk to you for a second?" Hawkeye said, walking up to you both.

"Of course," Loki replied. He gave you a quick kiss on the cheek and followed the archer out to the balcony. You grabbed a drink for yourself and started to make your way to the pizza.

"Y/N, have I told you lately how proud I am of you?" Frances said, suddenly popping up behind you.

"Give a girl some warning!" You exclaimed, nearly dropping your cup.

"Seriously! I'm really proud of you for stepping out a bit!" She said giving you a big hug. "Although it's been pretty lonely in medbay lately!" You rolled your eyes and laughed.

"C'mon, Fran! I know you've got your eye on the one guy down there so you can't be that lonely. I think he likes you too, you know." Your best friend blushed and shook her head.

"So, changing the subject to more relevant matters," She said, wriggling her eyebrows. "How's training been going?"

"Good actually," You sighed. "I'm still kinda nervous but I'm getting better. I've worked out basically all the problems I've had with my teleportation and I've almost got a handle on near-field telekinesis. Long-range is still a struggle but I have to master the rest first. Loki's a great teacher. He doesn't get angry when I cry over not being able to do something or when I accidentally throw him against the wall."

"You've done that?" Frances gasped, almost choking on the pizza. You nodded, quite embarrassed. "Oh my goodness, that is amazing."

"Come again?"

"He must really love you! I'd have thrown you off the tower already."

"Nah, you wouldn't do that," You said.

"Eh, you're right. But I still say he loves you." You both laughed and continued eating. "What's taking him so long? He still out on the balcony with Bird Boy?"

"Probably. And don't let Hawkeye hear you say that! He'll kill you!"

"He's deaf anyway," She replied shrugging. Shaking your head you looked back to the glass doors trying to see what the two were up to.

"Look, Loki," Hawkeye said, closing the sliding glass door behind him. "I wanted to talk to you to make sure you knew what you were getting into."

"If this is about her past, she already told me, Barton," Loki replied cooley.

"I was part of the team that found her in Hydra's facility. If you'd have seen it I think even your stomach would have turned. Hydra had just finished their little experiment on her. They were about to start training, that's why she's not experienced with her powers yet. But the living conditions were revolting. She and the others we found were nothing but skin and bones. She was using her new abilities already though, trying to help the others. She actually saved a couple kids."

"She never mentioned there were others," Loki commented. Clint nodded sadly.

"Yeah, none of us talk about these missions a lot. Hydra was cruel. Trying to turn children practically into machines. She was the oldest there actually. What I'm trying to say is-"

"Look, I'm not going to treat her like some dangerous weapon. She's actually afraid of using her powers for fear of doing harm. That's why I'm training her. So yes, I know what I'm getting into." Loki turned on his heel and went to walk back in.

"That's not what I meant, witch," Clint snapped. Loki whipped back around and glared at him.

"Then explain yourself, Barton," Loki hissed. "And quickly, may I suggest."

"She's a delicate girl. She's not some toy for you to play with. She's fragile. After what she's been through, she can't afford to be hurt by some creature as you."

"What are you trying to tell me, Pigeon?"

"What I'm saying is you shouldn't have started anything with her but since you did you'd better watch it. If you make even one false move I will not hesitate to-" Clint looked up and saw someone coming to the balcony. He quickly put on a better face and shot one last glare at Loki. "You get the idea, now remember it."

Inside, you had had enough. Those two had been out there for forever. And, if you were being honest with yourself, it didn't look so good. "How's it going, boys?" You asked, walking out onto the balcony.

"Just fine, Y/N," Clint replied with a forced smile. "I'm going to head in and get some pizza." He brushed past you and hurried in. Loki seemed distressed about something and wouldn't make eye contact.

"Loki? What's wrong? Did Clint go off on something?" He tensed slightly but shook his head. Pulling you close to his side, he sighed softly.

"No, dear, I'm fine. Let's go enjoy the celebration, hm?" You nodded and he kissed your forehead, taking your hand and leading you inside.

~ One Month Later ~

"Ok, Y/N, I want to try something new with you today," Loki said, before you started training. "I'm going to throw some items at you and I want you to stop them and throw them away from you. You've learned well to react with your telekinesis but this will start training you for missions when you start going."

"Alright," you said. "Let's do this!" He started off easy enough, throwing tennis balls at you. But after about 10 minutes, he asked if you were ready for something harder. "Yeah!" You exclaimed. He immediately switched to throwing daggers. You gulped but kept at it. The knives were clanging loudly on the floor as you threw them aside.

"You're doing marvelously, darling," Loki grinned. You smiled and tried to hide the fact that you were getting tired. In a matter of minutes, however, it all fell apart. You missed a knife and it sliced your arm. You cried out loudly and grabbed at it, trying to heal it as fast as you could. Loki immediately rushed to your side, helping you sit on the nearest bench. "Y/N! Are you ok?" You nodded but he didn't see, he was looking down at the dagger he still held in his one hand. Tears started rolling down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry. I-I shouldn't have-" he stopped mid-sentence, voice shaking and hands trembling. "I hurt you. I could have-" he stopped again. He couldn't even look at you now and it worried you greatly. "He was right. I shouldn't-"

"Loki?"

"Is your arm healed now?" He asked, trying to keep his voice even.

"Yes, it wasn't that bad. It healed up quickly. See?" He nodded sharply, back towards you, refusing to turn his head.

"I should go now. I'm sorry I can't finish today's session."

"Loki, wait!" You protested. But before you could stop him, he was already out the door and gone.

"What the heck just happened," You asked yourself. Shaking your head you decided you clean up the training room and try to get him to talk to you in a few hours.

PART 2

[cozy-the-overlord]

Now, Forever, and Always

Summary:  She was perfect—intelligent, entertaining, kind, beautiful... but mortal. Loki was determined not to lose her.

Word Count: 7,031

Pairing: Loki x OFC

A/N: So this idea came from a made-up fic title sent to me by @the-emo-asgardian for an ask game a few weeks ago and has been living rent free in my mind ever since. I don't know why that out of all the nice, happy fic ideas I got out of that game, it was the depressing one I decided I had to write. Oh well. Hope you enjoy!

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask :)

Read it on Ao3!

He knew better.

He hadn’t planned on remaining on Earth for any extended period of time. His forced servitude to the Avengers, his punishment—it was a nuisance that he would have to endure for a bit, but like everything else on the planet, it was temporary. Human lives passed with the beat of a heart. They would not hold him for long. Loki only needed to keep his head down and wait.

He knew better than to get involved with a mortal.

In his defense, it hadn’t been something he could have prepared for. At first glance, Madelyn Robbins was hardly anything remarkable. Her role as Stark’s personal assistant kept her in the periphery, the type of person one didn’t notice was in the room until she stepped forward with the answer to their question mere moments after it left their tongue. She was forgettable, unexceptional, a background figure that you weren’t supposed to notice.

But Loki noticed her.

He noticed her intelligence, how easily she picked up on concepts most mortals could never even begin to understand, how she seemed to remember anything and everything she heard and saw. He noticed her focus, how she was able to filter through the chaos of the Tower and retrieve the information she needed without ever having to raise her voice. And he noticed her boldness.

The first time he spoke with her was a week or two after he had first joined the Avengers, back when it seemed there was not one employee in the whole building with enough backbone to look him in the eye. Loki told himself it was fine with him. It wasn’t as if he was interested in making friends with any of them.  He had been reading in one of the common areas when he noticed her standing over his chair, waiting expectantly.

He frowned. “Pardon?”

Madelyn’s smile didn’t waver. “I said Mr. Stark’s sending me out on a coffee run,” she said, clutching her tablet to her gray blazer. “I was wondering if you wanted anything.”

Loki glared up at her coldly, out of instinct more than anything else. “I do not drink coffee.” He had expected her to cower, but she only laughed.

“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” she nodded as she turned to leave. “But I just wanted to make sure.” Loki had watched as she made her way across the room to where Thor was talking with two agents he didn’t recognize. He didn’t hear what they said, but her musical laugh carried over his brother’s booming voice. When he turned back to his book, he found himself reading the same page over and over again.

She didn’t ask him for his coffee order again. Loki should have been pleased with that—she got the hint, she wasn’t trying to bother him—but as he watched her make the rounds with the other Avengers, joking together as she balanced the plastic cups on her tray, he felt only disappointment.

He started watching her from afar without really realizing he was doing it: during briefings, in the lab, at Stark’s godforsaken “teambuilding exercises”—she was always there, standing in the background, waiting to jump into action the moment someone needed something. She was quiet, but not a shy sort of quiet—she’d dive into conversation with anyone who gave her the opportunity to do so. No, Madelyn was a professional quiet. Loki found himself wondering what she was like outside the Tower, beyond the boundaries of her employment.

She was notoriously private about her personal life. Stark would tease her about it often, asking her loaded questions everyone knew she wouldn’t answer.

“You don’t mind staying late tonight, do you?” he’d smirk. “You won’t be keeping anyone waiting up, right?”

Loki would have been driven mad by such interrogation, but Madelyn always laughed it off. “I’ll worry about that, Mr. Stark. You just stick to your robots.”

Perhaps this was why it was treated as such a shocking turn of events when Thor announced that he had seen Madelyn’s boyfriend.

“It was in front of the building, on the street. They were embracing.” His brother seemed unreasonably proud to be the one to break the news to everyone. “He was tall, light-haired. Very handsome. I’d say they looked to be very much in love!”

As the others tittered over this gossip, Loki slunk from the room. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Madelyn was clever, kind, attractive—of course she had a lover. What did it matter? It wasn’t as if it affected him. Still, he couldn’t shake the hollow feeling in his chest.

What kind of man would she love, he wondered? Someone gentle, probably. Someone who she could sit down and talk to knowing he was genuinely listening. Someone who would respect her choices and trust her decisions. Someone who could make her laugh—Madelyn loved to laugh. It seemed she was always giggling at something someone said, hiding her mouth behind her palm as her eyes sparkled with mirth. It was rather adorable. He had made her laugh before, once when Stark and Rodgers were arguing over some inconsequential thing. Loki didn’t even remember what it was he said; he had just rolled his eyes and made some dry remark, and Madelyn ducked her head into her hands as she chortled. When he turned towards her, she was smiling brightly at him. He found he was smiling too.

It was stupid, but Loki didn’t like the idea of anyone else making her smile like that.

The other Avengers didn’t seem to mind, and to Loki’s chagrin the mystery man remained a hot topic of conversation for the next several months. He couldn’t look at her without Thor’s words bleeding through his ears like poison in his mind: “I’d say they looked to be very much in love!”

Loki was thinking about it the day before New Year’s Eve, when Madelyn joined him in the elevator as he was returning to his rooms with her usual cheerful greeting. He nodded his hello. For a moment, they only stood in silence, but soon enough she turned to him.

“Are you going to Mr. Stark’s party tomorrow?” she asked.

Ah, yes. Stark’s infamous New Year’s celebration. Loki thought that he would prefer the scorching heat of a Muspelheim prison to spending the night with a skyscraper full of drunken mortals who despised his very existence, but Thor had made it clear that he had little choice in the matter.

“I’ve been told that I will be in attendance, whether I like it or not.” Madelyn chuckled, and Loki felt that familiar warmth rising in his chest. He cleared his throat. “Are you going?”

“Yeah, I guess. It would look bad if I didn’t,” she sighed wistfully. “I don’t know, I just always feel like such a loser showing up to these things alone.”

Loki frowned. Surely, attending alone was not her only option. “Your boyfriend is not accompanying you?”

Madelyn cocked her head, giving him a strange look. “I don’t have a boyfriend,” she said slowly.

For a moment Loki thought he was hearing things. “You don’t?” he repeated.

She shook her head, frowning. “Why did you think that?”

His mind was racing. “Thor—he said he saw you embracing someone in front of the building.”

“What!” she cried. “When?”

He told her the whole story, repeating his brother’s tale practically word for word in bewildered confusion. By the end, she was laughing incredulously.

“That was Dave!” she choked. “My brother-in-law, Dave! I left my purse in my apartment, and I needed my ID to get into the Tower. He was just dropping it off for me. Did everyone think we were a thing? Oh, that’s hilarious!”

She dabbed at her eyes with the corner of her sleeve as Loki stared in disbelief. For so long, he had buried his thoughts under the belief that she was taken, that even if he allowed himself to want her she could never be his. This revelation seemed unthinkable.

“You’re not seeing anyone?” he asked.

“No!” She was still laughing as she shook her head. “I’ve been single for the past two years.”

“Oh.” Loki swallowed. He knew he should have left it there. She was mortal. She was temporary. Indulging the wild longing in his chest would only lead to more suffering. He knew better.

And yet he didn’t.

“Well, in that case,” Loki inhaled. There was a tremble in his voice—where had that come from?—that he hoped she didn’t notice. “Perhaps you would honor me with your company at the party tomorrow night?”

Madelyn turned back towards him “Are—are you asking me out?”

He burned. “I believe that’s the proper phrase.” This was a terrible idea.

But she didn’t appear to be offended. Rather, she sounded … confused. “Really?” she asked. “I just—I didn’t think you liked anybody here.”

“I like you.” He did, he realized, although it was strange to admit out loud. The simple truth was that the room lit up whenever she entered, and he lit up with it.

“Really?” Madelyn whispered. He nodded. “Well,” she said, a soft smile breaking out across her lips, “I like you too. And I’d love to go with you tomorrow night.”

Something bloomed in his chest, something lovely and wonderful and warm. He loved the way she smiled.

“Excellent,” he said, fighting to keep his elated grin from seeming too over-eager. “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

It was scandalous, to be sure, when they walked onto the penthouse floor arm in arm on New Year’s Eve. It seemed the whole room fell quiet for a moment. In the back, Stark nearly choked on his drink.

Madelyn didn’t seem to mind. She pulled him through the hordes of people, the voluminous skirt of her dress swirling around her in an emerald sea. He didn’t know where she had managed to find a gown that so flawlessly matched his colors on such short notice, or how she had even known to look for one in that shade, but it was perfect.

She was perfect.

Stark’s holiday celebrations were always an adventure—they weren’t quite up to par with the unhinged chaos of Asgardian feasts, but they usually were hectic enough to keep Loki looking over his shoulder the entire time, half expecting to find some demon from his past lurking amidst the drunken partygoers. That night though, there was only Madelyn. She pulled him through the madness with the easy assurance of an expert, gliding with him across the dance floor as if they owned it. She knew all the nooks and crannies, all the little alcoves to which they could retreat when they wished to break from the noise to talk.

They talked a lot. She told him about her family, about her mother who went around telling all her brunch friends that her daughter worked alongside the Avengers for a living (“she leaves out the fact that I’m basically a glorified intern”), about her older sister who gave up her dreams of Hollywood to settle down with her high school sweetheart.

“He’s the one who dropped off your purse?” Loki interrupted as they sat at a bench against the wall on the balcony, overlooking the festivities below.

Madelyn laughed. “Yeah, Dave. He is a sweetheart.” She shook her head, still chuckling. “I can’t believe you guys thought he was my boyfriend. That’s so funny to me.”

“Well, my brother does have a tendency to jump to conclusions,” Loki sighed, watching Thor and his crowd of inebriated fools attempting to take shots off of Mjolnir’s handle. He turned back to his lady. “But you can’t place all the blame on him. We all knew next to nothing about your personal life. How was he to know better?”

“True,” she mused. “I like to keep an air of mystery at work. It keeps people interested.”

“Oh?” Loki raised his eyebrows. “If that’s the case, then why have you dropped the mystery with me?”

She scowled at him with mock outrage. “Am I not interesting enough for you, Asgardian?”

Laughing, he pulled back on to the dance floor.

It was fitting that the party marked the beginning of the New Year, because afterwards everything changed. It had been a while since Loki had courted anyone, and of course Midgardian “dating” was a bit different, but it brough a levity to his life that he hadn’t realized he needed. On the surface, it didn’t even seem that drastic a shift. Sometimes, it was as simple as a glance from her across a crowded room, that warm smile meant just for him, and suddenly the whole world lit up. Stark groaned that the two of them making heart eyes at each other all day made him sick, but Loki couldn’t care less. For once, life didn’t seem quite so wretched.

At first, they only spent time together within the Tower—after all, Loki was confined to SHIELD’s surveillance. He was rather ashamed of it, ashamed that he wasn’t able to take her out and show her a good time the way she deserved, but Madelyn insisted that she didn’t mind. She’d pick up sandwiches at a bakery down the street and they’d have dinner in his rooms while watching a movie.

He had to laugh—Madelyn had a list of film she claimed were a critical part of Midgardian culture that he just had to see, but inevitably they’d turn it on and spend the entire time talking over it about a subject only tangentially related. He didn’t mind though, and Madelyn didn’t seem to either—she’d rest her head on his shoulder and tell him all the differences between the film and the book which it was inspired by, and he’d wrap his arm around her shoulder and hang on to every word.

The first time she stayed the night had actually been an accident. It seemed that they both had miscalculated how tired they were after a week of wild missions and had fallen asleep together whilst cuddling on the couch. Loki woke up with the gentle pressure of her head on his chest and the warmth of her in his arms. He was smiling before he was even fully awake.

After a while, he began finding ways to sneak out of the Tower and meet her elsewhere. Her tiny apartment became the center of his world. He’d meet her for coffee or for dinner or just for a walk, and she’d take him home with her, so often that she stopped asking him if he wanted to come in. It was a peaceful kind of domestic that Loki had never thought to dream about. Madelyn was perfect—intelligent, entertaining, kind, beautiful, everything he could ever want. Sometimes, he almost forgot that she wasn’t Asgardian.

Her mortality would rear its head in other ways, though. One day, she tripped walking down the stairs as they were leaving her apartment building, tumbling to the ground before Loki could catch her. It wasn’t a bad fall, and Madelyn had scrambled back to her feet in seconds insisting she was fine, but her ankle had swollen up almost immediately. When she tried to take another step, she almost fell over again.

This time, Loki scooped her up into his arms. “Fragile little thing,” he teased, carrying her down the steps to a nearby bench.

They had laughed about it, but a week later Madelyn was still walking with a limp.

One night, he awoke with a start, sweating and shaking and gasping for air as Madelyn hovered over him anxiously.

“It’s a dream!” she was crying. “Loki, it’s not real!”

The bed was too hot. Loki ripped himself from the covers, hunching over the side as he struggled to catch his breath. Madelyn followed, rubbing his back soothingly as he fought to control the trembling in his hands. For a moment, the room was silent but for his labored breathing.

“Are you okay?” she finally whispered.

He nodded, not trusting his voice.

“You were crying in your sleep.”

Must have woken her up then. He tried to swallow, but his mouth tasted like sandpaper. “I’m sorry.”

Madelyn shook her head. “No, it’s fine! I was just worried.” She squeezed his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Loki inhaled. “It was just a dream. No matter.” Even in the dark, he could feel her eyes on him, studying him in concern. When he moved to lie back down, she laid next to him, a protective arm around his torso.

“You’re safe here, okay?” she whispered. “Nothing can happen to us here.” Loki didn’t answer, only staring at the ceiling.

For once, it hadn’t been about him.

No, he had dreamed of Madelyn, stiff in a hospital bed, her cheeks hollowed and gaunt, her once vibrant hair now a thinned and faded halo on the pillow beneath her head. Her wrinkled skin sagged with the weight of infirmity. Her clasped hands rose and fell with her chest as the death rattle stained her wilted lips.

Loki tried to forget about it, but the image was seared into his memory. He couldn’t look at Madelyn without picturing her face caving into a haggard old woman choking on her last breath. It would happen soon, he realized, horrifically soon. Mortals had a hundred years if they were lucky, less if they weren’t. He spent sleepless nights lying awake in bed, listening to Madelyn’s steady breathing in the dark. 100 years—that was nothing. That was a blink of an eye, a beat of his heart, and then she’d be gone.

He couldn’t bear to think of it.

There was a story, he remembered suddenly on one such torturous night, a story his mother used to tell to him and his brother when they were small, about a goddess with magical apples that could grant immortality to those who tasted them. It was probably nothing, just a childish bedtime tale, but once it flitted into his mind Loki couldn’t get it out. After all, didn’t most legends have some basis in fact?

It was a myth on Midgard, too. He found it within moments when he looked it up—the story of Idunn’s apples. Of course, that didn’t mean anything. The human versions of Asgardian history had a tendency to be quite muddled. But … it was an idea. There had to be something, some way to extend a mortal lifespan. Without telling anyone, Loki began devoting his free time to research.

They had been together for several months when Loki decided to take Madelyn to Asgard for the first time. Frigga had extended her invitation to her a bit prior, but accepting hadn’t been an easy decision. He had watched Thor take Jane home many times over since he began his stint with the Avengers. He had seen firsthand how Asgardians looked upon mortals in their midst, even when the mortal in question were on the arm of their golden prince. He couldn’t imagine that Madelyn could expect any better treatment— in fact, given his reputation, it seemed safe to assume that she could expect worse. 

But in the end, they decided to go. Madelyn was excited—her first time traveling off world— and Loki was eager to introduce her to his mother, who he knew would just absolutely adore her.

Secretly, he was also hoping that she would be able to help him with granting Madelyn immortality.

His mortal lover was a bit overwhelmed at first by their trip to the Golden City. 

“I think I’m going to be sick” she whispered, clutching his wrist so tightly it almost hurt as they stepped off the Bifrost, and for a moment Loki feared that the visit had been a mistake. But she recovered quickly, and soon curiosity bubbled over her anxiety.

“What’s this made of?” she asked, wide eyes staring at the bridge beneath their feet as he helped her mount his horse. “Is it some kind of crystal? How does it work?” He couldn’t help but laugh as he climbed on behind her, pressing a kiss to her neck before spurring on his stead.

As to be expected, his mother took Madelyn under her wing immediately, greeting her with an embrace before swooping her away to help her unpack and dress for dinner. 

Unfortunately, she was less helpful when Loki approached her later about his search.

“Oh Loki,” she sighed when he asked if she knew of any way to extend a human lifespan. “That’s the quandary of becoming entangled with mortals. Their lives are fleeting. You have to be able to accept that.”

No. Loki shook his head fiercely. “There must be some way,” he insisted. “The stories you’d tell us as children, Idunn’s apples—“

“Those were stories, my son.” He hated the pity in her eyes as she studied him. “She is mortal. She will grow old, and she will die. It’s the way of things.” Frigga took his hand in hers. “Enjoy the time you have with her. Don’t waste her life trying to save it.”

He ripped his arm from her. “That’s not good enough!”

She inhaled, holding the bridge of her nose. “You could ask your father,” she finally offered. “He may know something I don’t.”

Loki huffed in resignation.

When he brought forth his question before the AllFather, he had known Odin would never take it seriously. Still, he found himself tasting blood as his father’s ragged laughter echoed across the empty throne room. 

“Is this the reason why you brought her here, then?” he asked. “You seek a cure for inferiority?”

“I seek to expand my lady’s lifespan,” he said, struggling to maintain his even tone. “She has no inferiority to cure.”

“Your lady,” he mocked. “Your lady, who you might snap in half with a wayward flick of your wrist. Would you not call that inferiority?”

Loki held his tongue. Try as he might to ignore it, there was truth to Odin’s words and he hated him for it.

“I seek to expand her lifespan,” he repeated. “Do you know of any method do do so?”

His father raised his eyebrows. “Unlike my sons, I’m not in the habit of keeping mortal pets.”

Loki seethed. “She is not a pet!”

“Your time on Midgard has made you as childish as your brother.” Odin shook his head, leaning back in his golden throne. “The mortal’s life is fleeting, insignificant. You would waste your time and mine trying to raise a dog to godhood.”

“She’s not a dog!” he snapped. “She’s not a dog, she’s not a pet, she’s my love and her name is Madelyn.”

“And in a century, she’ll be dust!” the king retorted. “Will it matter then what name marks her headstone?”

Loki stormed out. 

It was pathetic, pathetic, that his father’s words still cut him so deeply, that his inconsequential views could still send him running with tears burning in his eyes like a slighted child. He stomped through the palace halls with no real destination in mind, heaving like some kind of animal. 

He’d show him. He’d show them both. He’d find a way to save her. Somehow, he’d find a way to make her immortal, and then they’d see. They’d see.

He was shaking uncontrollably by the time he found Madelyn in the gardens, gathered in the middle of the brick pathways with Frigga and several of her ladies. It was strange— swathed in an Asgardian gown, with her hair done up in the latest fashion, one would never have known she was of Midgard. 

She turned as Loki approached, her eyes lighting up as they always did whenever they landed on his. However, her gaze turned to a frown as he got closer.

“Loki, what’s wro—“ he planted his lips on hers before she could finish, cradling her face in his palms as he drank in her smell. Madelyn stiffened at first, but in moments she had melted into the kiss even as the court ladies tittered around them. 

When they finally pulled away, she let out a flustered giggle. “What was that for?”

He studied her face, her sparkling eyes that seemed to hold whole galaxies, entranced. “I love you.”

Loki had never said the words before, not to her or any other woman, and yet they flowed from his lips as easily as a downhill stream. Madelyn’s breath hitched.

“What?” she breathed. 

“I love you,” he repeated, his heart glowing with all the confidence in the universe, and he kissed her again.

When they returned to Earth, Loki threw himself back into his research with a new ferocity. He scoured the history of the Nine Realms, seeking just the slightest hint that what he was searching for existed. The myth of Idunn’s apples was a recurring subject, and he tried frantically to trace it to reality, but unfortunately, his mother’s assertion that it was naught but a child’s bedtime story appeared to be true. He couldn’t find any proof of them actually existing. Still, he spent nights at his desk, hunched over the scrolls Frigga sent him from the palace library, praying for something that continued to elude him.

Madelyn, unconcerned with her impending mortality, fretted he wasn’t getting enough sleep.

“Just come to bed,” she pleaded with him one night. “Whatever it is, it can wait until the morning.”

He laughed softly. “I don’t need as much rest as you do, love. I think I’ll be fine.”

“But you stay up all night, and then they send you into the field in the morning!” she insisted, rubbing his shoulder. “That can’t be safe.”

He covered her hand with his own, gently stroking her knuckles. It never ceased to amaze him how soft her skin was. “You don’t need to worry about me, darling.”

But Madelyn was right, as always. He wasn’t getting enough sleep at night, and it was beginning to affect his reflexes. It was only a matter of time before it all came to a head.

In Loki’s defense, it wasn’t entirely his fault. The mission had been flawed to begin with, everything that could have possibly gone wrong went wrong, and Loki had ended up trapped in an underground Hydra base with no backup, no escape plan, and hordes of enemy agents closing in. Still, it was manageable—far from ideal, but manageable— until he miscalculated a dagger throw and hit one of their Tesseract-powered devices.

Shit—

He felt the blast more than he saw it, felt the burst of scorching heat that flooded the hall and ripped the air from his lungs. His vision burned bright white.

Huh, he remembered thinking, perhaps Madelyn and I will have closer lifespans after all.

She was the first thing he saw when he awoke, head buzzing and limbs too leaden to move. He opened his aching eyes and she was there, glowing in the light of the hospital room, his guardian angel watching over him through the night. When he croaked her name, her eyes swam with relief. She reached out to stroke his cheek, the chill of her fingers soothing against his feverish skin. He melted against her touch. Suddenly, nothing else mattered.

“Madelyn,” he gasped. “Madelyn, marry me.”

He passed out before he could hear her answer.

They were wed on Alfheim, atop a picturesque cove overlooking the gardens of Ljosalfgard. Madelyn was absolutely radiant, her silver gown bathing her in a pearly glow as she practically sang her vows to him. Loki drowned in her eyes, drowned in the desire to sweep her into his arms and kiss her until they were both out of breath. He could have almost ignored the vow "til death do us part" had it not been for the pitied glance the Elvish officiants exchanged as she said them.

"I'm going to find a way to save you," he whispered against her hair that night as he held her to his bare chest.

Madelyn shifted, craning her neck so that she could fix him with a frown. "What are you talking about?"

A wayward strand of hair clung to her forehead. Loki pushed it away absentmindedly.

"Death will not part us, my love. I swear it."

She sighed. "Don't think about stuff like that. Not tonight." She leaned back against him, covering his hand with hers as she drifted off to sleep.

Loki didn't say anything.

Stark bought them a house in Upstate New York as a wedding present—a sweet, cozy little place not too far away from the new Avengers base. It was quiet, secluded, peaceful, everything he could have ever asked for.

If only he hadn’t known it was temporary.

Madelyn didn’t understand. She’d get up in the morning to find Loki pouring over his scrolls at the kitchen table, having never come to bed at all, and scold him for not taking better care of himself.

“This is ridiculous!” she snapped. “You’re going to kill yourself over this wild goose chase!”

“I have to!” he insisted. “I have to find a way to save you!”

She sighed. “You don’t need to save me.” Kneeling besides him, she took his face in her hands. “Don’t you see? I don’t care how long my life is, as long as I get to spend it with you.” Loki closed his eyes as he leaned into her palm, covering the back of her hand with his own. It was so simple for her. She didn’t understand how the image of her decaying features haunted his every waking moment.

They had been husband and wife for quite some time when he finally found something—a lead that might have the capability to save her from her ephemerality. Loki was ecstatic, more hopeful than he had been in years as he prepared to make the journey across the galaxy. Madelyn was less so.

“Look,” she worried as she watched race about the house packing a bag. “I’m glad that you’re so happy, but is this really worth the trip?”

“How could it not be?” he asked. “Once I return, you will finally be immortal, as you deserve. We will be able to live out our lives together forever.” Loki glanced up at her. “Don’t you want that?”

“Of course I want that, Loki!” Madelyn cried. “But more than that, I want you, here, safe. You don’t know what you’re walking into. You can’t even know how long you’ll be gone! What if something happens to you?”

He laughed softly. “You need not fear for me, my love. I will always return to you.”

Still, she remained unsoothed. “Please,” she said. “If you have to go, let me come with you. We’ll stay together!”

“No. It’s far too dangerous for you.” The very thought sent a shiver down his spine. “I’ll not allow the Norns to take you from me as I attempt to save you.”

“Loki …”

“Darling.” He kissed her, relishing the way she melted against him. “All will be well. I swear it.”

But all was not well. Months of searching in the very corners of deep space brought him nowhere, his false hopes dashed across the barren landscape of the planet her salvation. The scrolls had been wrong. There was nothing.

At first, Loki stayed out there, still frantically searching for something that could save her. He had promised, sworn, to her that he would find a way. He couldn’t return home empty handed. And so for a while longer he remained on the edges of space, traveling from planet to remote planet as he fought to find even the slightest hint of the solution he sought. But the time away weighed heavily on his soul. He missed Madelyn—he missed the curve of her smile, the melody of her laugh, the way she never seemed to tire of listening to what he had to say. He missed waking up to the comforting pressure of her head on his chest. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore.

He had barely made it up the driveway before Madelyn had thrown her arms around him, clinging him so tightly that he almost couldn’t breathe even as her tiny body shook with her tears. Loki tugged her closer, burying his face in her neck. She smelled like home.

Still, something held him from smiling when they finally pulled away.

“I failed,” he whispered, hanging his head. “I failed you, Madelyn.”

She shook her head, cupping his face with her hands. “You’re back,” she said sternly, “You’re back and you’re safe and that’s all I will ever care about.”

Loki hadn’t realized how long he had been gone until he returned. Madelyn was the same gorgeous creature he had always known, but he began to pick up on miniscule differences within her. She was thinner, her face more worn than when he remembered. He found himself repeating the same tales to her over and over again—she’d ask him questions about his journey, he would answer them, they’d talk about his answers until she was satisfied … and then she’d ask the same question a few days later as if she had never spoken it before. It frightened him.

At first, he would point it out to her, his fear manifesting in frustrated questions: “Didn’t I already tell you all this?” But he hated the way she flinched, how her face would fall as she murmured apologetically that she must have forgotten. He hated feeling as if he was causing her pain. So, Loki repeated his anecdotes and kept his worries to himself.

He feared for her physical health as well. Her hands had become stiff and swollen since he had seen her last, painful to the point that she now took prescribed medication to help her cope. On some days, it seemed hardly noticeable, but on others she could barely bend her fingers. Still, Madelyn insisted that it was fine.

“It’s no big deal,” she told him. “My mom had arthritis, I knew I was probably going to get it eventually.” With a dry laugh, she added, “I’m probably lucky—she always had it much worse than this.”

Madelyn’s mother had passed away while he was gone, the victim of the horrible human disease known as cancer. Madelyn didn’t speak much about it, not even to him. Loki felt guilty—he had unknowingly her left alone and without support in a time when she had probably needed it the most. He was also increasingly anxious—if Madelyn had already inherited one disease from her mother, who’s to say she wouldn’t also develop the far more deadly one? Loki found himself returning to his research.

It wasn’t until he started on the texts Thor had gifted him from his own travels that he thought he found something. A necklace of myth, purported to be held deep within the twisted forests of Terma, enchanted to bring eternal life to those who wear it about their neck. Loki arranged to leave for it immediately.

 However, his wife put her foot down. “You’re not going again.”

Loki sighed. “I have to. Madelyn, there’s a chance that this could work—”

“That’s what you said last time!”

“I know. But I have to try.”

“Why?” she demanded, tone verging on hysterical.

He turned around incredulously. Why? “Because I love you!”

“No you don’t!” The walls rattled with the weight of her words. It was only then that Loki realized his wife was crying. His eyes widened in horror. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t keep leaving.” Her voice cracked, her breath coming in unsteady hiccups. “You were gone for so long. I didn’t know if you were okay, or if you were coming back—I was so scared—”

Loki pulled her into his arms, where she sobbed freely against his chest. It was as if someone had stuck a dagger in his gut. Everything he had done, every action he had taken—it had all been for Madelyn. That’s all he ever wanted, to protect Madelyn! And yet, it seemed he had caused her more pain than the forces of nature he sought to protect her from.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered against her hair as he held her to his chest. His vision prickled with tears of his own. “I won’t leave again, I promise. I’m so sorry, my love.”

He resolved to be strong. He would not think of what the future held; he would keep his mind in the here and now, safe and warm with his perfect wife at his side. And so he did, for a time. He’d read poetry to her out loud as she rested her head on his lap, telling himself that he was only imagining that the creases in her face seemed to be deepening with every passing day. Some nights, they’d join the others for dinner at the Avengers base, where the conversation would inevitably devolve into Barton and Stark arguing over who had the more accomplished grandchildren and Madelyn would doze off against his shoulder on the way home. There was a steady sort of domesticity to it, and Loki enjoyed it—he enjoyed every moment with her—but he could only ignore time’s dark specter for so long.

It reared its ugly head in the form of a bottle under the sink. When Loki had first found it, he had only been confused, but when he presented it to Madelyn, she wouldn’t look him in the eyes.

“It’s hair dye,” she finally admitted. “I’ve been using it for a few years now.”

Loki didn’t understand. “What are you talking about? Your hair color hasn’t changed.”

Her laugh was soft and tinged with sadness. “I went gray a while ago, sweetheart. I’ve been dying it my natural color.”

It was as if someone had ripped the air from his lungs. “Wh—” A few years? He gulped. “Why would you do that?”

“I—” Madelyn seemed ashamed. “I was afraid it would upset you. You’ve always been so worried about me, you know—” she inhaled sharply. “I was afraid you’d leave again.”

The heartbreak in her voice was killing him.

“I’m not going anywhere, darling,” he assured her, reaching out to pull her closer. “I promised, remember?”

She nodded, resting her cheek against his chest. “I do remember that, at least.” Loki laughed as he held her close, but inwardly his mind was racing.

He was running out of time.

This time, when he returned to his research, he did so in secret. Madelyn was suffering enough—he didn’t want to contribute to her pain. At one point, keeping her in the dark about his activities would have been difficult, back when she caught every little shift in his personality, but these days she didn’t seem to notice as much. Still, Loki couldn’t spend whole nights at his work the way he used to. Madelyn slept lightly, often waking up in the darkness to a fit of hacking and gasping for air. He’d be at her side in a second, glass of water in hand and notes abandoned.

“Sorry … for waking you up,” she’d wheeze. “Didn’t mean to.”

“It’s okay,” he’d choke.

But one night, she caught him. It was chillier than usual, and he had moved from his desk to the living room and the fireplace. The crackling of the flames masked the padding of her feet down the hall.

“What are you doing?”

He jumped. Madelyn was standing in the hallway, wrapped in a blanket and leaning against the doorframe for support. Her eyes seemed to glow in the light of the fire.

“I—” He didn’t know how to respond. Perhaps that was enough of a response. She sighed, hobbling forward on unsteady legs. Loki rushed forward to support her. “Darling, you shouldn’t be up.”

“No.” She gripped his wrist, nodding towards the couch. “Sit with me. Hold me.” Her expression left no room for argument. He wasn’t certain he wanted to argue with her anyway. Loki scooped her up into his arms and carried her across the room, surprised by how little effort it took him. Madelyn had always been light, but it seemed she had become even more so since he had last picked her up. He found himself thinking about the first time he had carried her, when she twisted her ankle on the steps of her apartment. It felt like just yesterday that he had held her in his arms as he teased her for her mortal fragility. For Madelyn, he realized with a start, it had been a lifetime ago.

He sat on the couch before the fire, still holding her in his lap. She fixed him with a stern glare.

“You said you were done with this.”

As words failed him, Loki let out a pained breath. “It’s you,” he whispered finally. “I can’t—I can’t just give up on you.”

“It’s not giving up.” She reached out to stroke his cheek with wrinkled fingers. He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “Loki, I’m old. I’m going to die, soon rather than later. That’s not something anybody can change. Not even you.”

He wished he could accuse her of lying, that he could stand up and prove how she was wrong, how he could stop time’s work. Instead, tears blurred his vision when he opened his eyes. “I can’t lose you.”

She smiled, shaking her head. “You’re not losing me! I’m right here. With you. Now, forever, and always.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, leaning her head against his. “I love you, Loki.”

He pressed his lips to her temple. “I love you too. So much.”

The fire had gone out when he awoke in the morning. She was still in his lap, at rest and peaceful.

“Madelyn?”

She didn’t move.

Loki brushed his fingers across her cheek. Her skin was cold.

His voice broke. “Madelyn.”

But Madelyn only lay against him, still and silent and perfect as could be.

[raith-way]

I clearly did something right in a past life to get spoiled like this, because the lovely @asirensrage made this beautiful GIF for me and it’s so perfect. I heard their conversation as soon as I saw the GIF, so it had to be written. (Thank you, Siren, for all of the amazing GIFs and the support. Thank you!!)

Fandom: Marvel

Fic: Traversing The Multiverse

Scene: Twenty Questions

“Darcy has taught me a new Midgardian tradition,” Thor announced as he walked into the common room. Kenzie, who had been contemplating the oddities of her new life, looked up from the doodling pad to watch Thor walk farther into the room. He chose to sit on the couch across from the chair that she was in, and she felt some slight apprehension as she placed her pad on the table next to her. The last Midgardian tradition that Darcy had decided to teach was the ol’ back-pat of celebration. Except, Darcy had clearly demonstrated that the pat should be quite low to show proper revelry in victory. Then again, seeing Thor in his full Asgardian gear slapping Hulk on the ass had been hilarious. It was too bad no one had caught it on camera.

“Which tradition would that be?” she asked. While she wouldn’t volunteer the information, Kenzie did enjoy Thor’s presence. He made training together fun, and his stories were always captivating.

“The tradition of twenty questions. You see, first, I will ask you a question that you must answer truthfully. Then you may ask me a question that I must answer truthfully.” That wasn’t how Twenty Questions worked at all, but Darcy was the one in charge of Thor’s Midgardian acclimation. Besides, there was no harm in talking to Thor. Be nice if someone else was around though, just in case she needed a quick out. What was she saying? She survived the destruction of her universe. She could survive a few questions from someone that she thought of as a friend.

“Twenty questions, so ten questions each?” she clarified. Thor’s head tipped to the side as he thought, he straightened as he came to a decision, and then he nodded in acceptance. “Alright. You go first, big guy.”

“What is your favorite comfort food?” he asked first. It wasn’t what she was expecting. Her confusion must have shown, damn her overly expressive face, because he explained for her. “Darcy said it is best to start with simple and easy questions.”

“Darcy was right. My comfort food is pizza,” she answered honestly. The pizza in her universe had been great, but the pizza in this universe was phenomenal. So greasy and cheesy.

“You eat a lot of pizza.” Clearly, Thor observed more than they realized because she knew what his pointed look was saying. She did eat a lot of pizza, because most days she needed a little bit of comfort. Still, they weren’t talking about that.

“It’s my turn to ask a question, and I want to know why you won’t let me cut your hair,” she said and smiled. Tonight, his hair was mostly pulled back into a low bun with some golden locks framing his face. Either he just naturally looked that good, or Darcy had helped him out. Both were a definite possibility.

“I have kept my hair long since boyhood. To change it now.” Thor stopped there and looked to the side, and she remembered the Thor from her universe when his hair had been forcibly cut. It’d been a comedic moment, but maybe there really was a deeper reason. Maybe he didn’t want to lose that last connection to his childhood, when things were simple. That was something she could understand. Clearly he’d been thinking while she had because he continued, “To change it now would be to change the last familiar thing of me.”

“Change doesn’t always have to be a bad thing,” she said like a total hypocrite. She’d spent so much time hating change, and that was before her universe went kaput.

“It is my turn to ask a question now,” Thor reminded her. She bowed her head, and the questions continued.

She talked about the bookstore she had owned, how her favorite part of owning the store had been being surrounded by the smell of books. He told her about growing up with Loki, small pranks that young boys would play on each other. Kenzie’s childhood pet dog, Romeo. Thor’s childhood pet, possibly miniature dragon, Gorm. The time she fell out of a tree and broke her arm. The time he slipped off a cliff and spent weeks waiting for the skin on his back to regrow. Her favorite time of day was sunrise, seeing the dawn of a new day. His favorite pastime was looking up at the stars, seeing galaxies that she couldn’t even imagine. She took gymnastics as a kid. He learned alien languages in school. When she was a little girl, she wanted to be a firefighter because she liked the color of the trucks. When he was a little boy, he wanted to be a Valkyrie because they were the best warriors. If she could have any other superpower, she’d be telekinetic so she could just float things to her instead of getting up. If he could have another superpower, it’d be the ability to talk to all animals. The thing she missed the most from her home universe was her routine, always knowing what needed to be done and where she belonged. The things he missed most from Asgard were his family and close friends, the people that he loved.

“Last question. Hit me,” she said and spread her arms wide.

“Are you truly disappointed that I am not who you expected?” Well, he definitely hit her with that one. He thankfully had the grace and tact to look away as she composed herself, because she had said something to that effect not long after meeting him and did regret the hasty words now. She’d been in shock! Her universe had died, she’d witnessed several universes dying, and she’d been expecting to see Alexander Skarsgard holding Mjolnir. The Chris Hemsworth look alike had been a shock.

“You’re definitely not Skarsgard,” she heard herself say. Her hand was even moving to emphasize her point, and Thor made a fair-enough expression as he took the words in stride. She thought, just maybe, that she could see a little bit of hurt in his eyes. “Don’t tell Mac I said this, because she’d never let me hear the end of it, but you are the best Thor.”

His sudden smile was too bright, too happy, that it made something in her chest flutter and then squeeze tight. Was that her heart? Possibly her lungs as she stopped breathing? Because backlit by the dark city, in his nice maroon jacket and casually messy hair, Thor looked like any other guy while still looking exactly like a god. Not some god on a throne either. An earthly god, that walked amongst mortals and could be touched. Like if she wanted, if he wanted, she could walk over to him and press her fingers against his lips to feel his smile against her skin. All that just because she said a few words? (A few honest words too. Sorry, Skarsgard, but Hemsworth really is Thor.) Kenzie pulled in a breath, laughed off her nerves, and leaned back in her chair to fight off the urge to get out of it.

“The last question is yours,” he said quietly. She suddenly had several questions that she wanted to ask him, but she didn’t think either of them were ready for them to be asked or answered.

“Kenz! I brought back pizza! Better hurry before Steve’s big mouth eats it all!” Mac’s loud voice cut through the common room, and Kenzie startled upwards in her chair. She looked over her shoulder, and she could hear Mac and Steve playfully arguing while Jamie and Bucky egged them on, and she turned back around to look at Thor.

“Would you like to go eat some pizza with me?” she decided to ask. Thor’s answering smile was just as bright as a minute ago, and her chest did that strange fluttery-squeezing thing again. That was probably something she should figure out soon.

“It would be my honor.” When Thor stood up and extended a hand towards her, Kenzie mentally shrugged and slipped her hand into his. She’d do some deep self-analyzing after eating pizza.

Forever Taglist: @jinxsflame @hughstheforcelou @uno-reverse-reversed @hiddenqveendom @asirensrage @ocfairygodmother @jewelswrites-ish @reggiemantleholdmyhand-tle

[nikkoliferous]

Phase One: Thor

Since I was looking up my past live-blog of the novel and realising how annoying and repetitive reading through it all is because of my having structured it as a bunch of reblogs, I’ve decided to organize it all into one long-ass post instead. In case anyone else wants to read it in the future. Or in case I decide to re-read it. Because I’m hilarious. 😅

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO

My Hilarious Yet Wrathful Overview Of Phase One: Thor, Redux

—

If your son who’s to become king requires a babysitter to not screw it all up and also the idea of him being king is stressful enough to put you into a coma, maybe, uh… reconsider doing that? Just a thought.

But you see here why Odin was so deadset on Thor becoming king, despite him being ill-suited for the role. It’s not about what’s best for Asgard; it’s about personal legacy. Thor is Odin’s mini me, and Loki is very much not. There are places within the text where Odin laments Thor “lacking his father’s wisdom” (he’s definitely inherited your humility, though, Odin!), but he hopes for Thor to grow into a “wise king” like himself. Whereas he holds no such illusions (lol, pun) that Loki will ever take after him.

now with tag commentary! #this scene is in the script and both novelizations #(though in reading this novel seems to just be a more complete version of the junior novel? #idk i'm confused because they're supposedly written by different authors but so far the text is identical) #and it drives me insane each time i read it

“Haha, I’m a warmongering piece of shit, isn’t it funny?”

I know, I know. I try to cut Asgard some slack for being such a militaristic culture because social changes happen slowly and when you live for thousands of years per generation, it makes sense that your views on things like war would be regressive. The text says Odin has ruled Asgard for tens of thousands of years (so much for taking Loki’s “give or take 5,000 years” line literally; sure, the Odinsleep would have extended Odin’s lifespan, but by that much? Idk).

Still, fuck Odin. Especially since he’ll eventually try to shame Loki for doing the same thing he’s fucking boasting about here. And on a much smaller scale too.

…is it, though?

I actually think Loki’s relationship with being the centre of attention is really interesting in its complexity and we don’t discuss it enough. I’ve said this before, but he strikes me as the sort of person who craves attention but also wouldn’t really know what to do with it if he had it. He craves it as a result of neglect, because he’s never been shown recognition or validation. This is why he seems to revel in it in Stuttgart, even in (or maybe especially in?) his brainwashed state. But he also frequently comes across as pretty introverted and has horrible self-esteem, so I think on another level, sustained, genuine attention would make him feel kind of uncomfortable. Loki seems to believe that in order to be loved or respected, he has to literally be Thor, though. And Thor has always been the centre of attention, so for Loki, attention is synonymous with respect.

I find Loki’s relationship with wanting attention especially fascinating because I too both crave and fear it. As a borderline, I need it. When no one is paying attention to me, I lose my sense of identity. I feel as though I literally cease to exist. It’s excruciatingly painful. And yet, I have no authentic sense of self; I’m just a chameleon, and the closer people get to me, the more likely it is they’ll see behind my mask. They’ll realise it’s all a show and that I’m actually no one. And then they’ll leave. I can’t help wondering if that’s how Loki feels sometimes too.

Wait, what? You mean goat. His horns are shaped like a goat’s. This is a ram: 

This is a goat:

This is Loki:

Do you see now? They’re like a goat. Not a ram. Not a cow. A GOAT.

This book was written before Ragnarok was a thing, so it may be unfair to connect the two, but it still seems worth noting that it was Thor who reduced Loki to being no more than a trickster to begin with. “You could be more,” my ass. Loki’s problem has never been that he was one-dimensional; it was always that the people in his life, including Thor, refused to see any other dimensions to him. Which makes those words particularly cruel—as if they aren’t cruel enough already, what with the physical torture and all. 

Always happy to have cause to point out that

Loki was on Thor clean-up duty their whole lives; he certainly was not trying to kill Thor.

People like to point to Loki’s attempted genocide of the Jötnar and attempted(-ish? lol) conquest of Earth as proof that he’s some kind of violent maniac. But in a little place I like to call reality, Loki was historically far less aggressive and bloodthirsty than his peers.

Question: why is one conqueror evil and the other is righteously entitled to ruling over the Nine Realms?

Asgardian exceptionalism FTW

I can’t even begin to imagine what would lead you to expect such a thing, Odin. 😂

Uh, ‘cause it is?? And also their planet is MELTING without it??

This is all only within the first two chapters, btw. Lmao

—

—

—

“Looking for answers,” my foot.

YOU WOULD THINK SO, WOULDN’T YOU??

#i mean unless you knew heimdall #he only commits treason on days that end in y

—

—

What’d I say? Thor clean-up dutyyyyy 

Just wanna remind everyone that this 

is why he’s smiling during this scene 

because it makes me laugh every time. 😂 

—

My heart breaks every time I remember that second excerpt because literally ALL OF IT happened to him when he survived falling through the wormhole. My poor boy. 😭

But also of note… Loki gets cold (and also does not like being cold). This interests me because 1) as many are aware, the prevalent headcanon that Loki has a low body temperature irritates me and 2) it possibly(?) lends weight to the theory that he may not be fully Jötun, whether by virtue of his birth or Odin’s spell.

Haha, look at this Feminist Icon™ trying to take credit for his female friend’s accomplishments! Truly inspiring. 

#for some reason the ragnarok lovers have somehow decided that thor is both a feminist and lesbian icon #whatever that means 🤷‍♀️ #and i'm still trying very hard to figure out why #is it literally just because he *says* he respects women or whatever in that dumb rambly conversation with valkyrie?

Ooh… you were so close to getting the point, Volstagg. So close. Take your tongue off Odin’s boot for just a couple minutes longer.

Also, the author just forgot the name of the Casket. How did this book get published? 😂

JUST LOOKING FOR ANSWERS, HUH?

Because fuck Loki, amirite? He, uh… he’s a prince too, you know.

Also… Fandral, you dweeb 😂

…am I reading too much into this, or did Odin just literally forget that Loki exists?

On the other hand, the author also seemed to forget Loki existed for most of this chapter, so who knows. 🤷‍♀️

lmao @ Jane immediately trying to convince herself she’s too rational to be attracted to a stranger 

Honestly, though, big mood. 

Just your periodic reminder that Thor’s sycophantic friends KNEW Loki was right and decided to throw him under the bus anyway. 

Just as I’ve always said: That was it. That was their ENTIRE rationale. That Loki *could* have done it, therefore he must have. Please tell me these people have nothing to do with Asgard’s justice system.

…lol, jk, Asgard has no justice system.

Ok, first of all, no.

Second: thank you, Fandral. You’re a self-absorbed cad, but also evidently Thor’s least stupid friend.

Thirdly, how…? First, it was, “Loki arranged all this because he’s jealous of Thor.” Now they’ve suddenly jumped all the way to, “All of Asgard is in danger.” What exactly does Sif think Loki is planning? He’s gonna, what… assassinate Odin and then sell Asgard to the Jötnar?

—

Please stop hurting me.

Just so there’s no confusion: this one sentence explains everything Loki did for the rest of the movie. It explains how a person who has been historically non-aggressive suddenly transforms into a warmonger. To prove himself a real Asgardian, like his brother and father and grandfather. 

—

…why did Odin fall into the Odinsleep in two completely different scenes in this book? I’m super confused.

Also, we really need to talk about how cruel it is of Marvel to keep forcing Loki to prove his loyalty again and again and again when he’s been doing so almost literally since we met him. And by “we need to talk about it”, I mean I need to tie Kevin Feige and co. to a chair and spend a minimum of five hours lecturing them on how poorly they understand their own fucking character.

Let’s just be clear here: they’re talking about Loki. They’re saying Loki, their LEGITIMATE king, is an enemy of Asgard, based on evidence so paper-thin it’s practically invisible. Just… please, let that sink in. Take a moment to appreciate how utterly fucked up that is. 

I’m sorry (not really), but Thor was so much funnier before Ragnarok.

This scene has always kind of bugged me. If Odin removed Thor’s powers, how come he can still control the weather? Confusing.

So what exactly was Thor’s plan anyway, before he realised he couldn’t lift Mjölnir? He was just gonna call on Heimdall to help him commit treason AGAIN, show up on Asgard against the expressed command of his king, and… Odin would just shrug and be like, “You got me, son! I guess I can’t keep you down. Welcome home!”?

…I mean, I guess that more or less is what happened in the end, but it’s hard to imagine it would have still gone down that way without all the stuff that happened with Loki. Idk.  

#look what i'm saying is... thor is not exactly a thinking person #no one on asgard is a thinking person #except loki but he's crazy now so he's also thinking somewhat poorly lol

Cool, Thor. Now imagine feeling that way for ONE THOUSAND YEARS and develop a little fucking empathy for your brother.

But you won’t.

You’ll brush off his feelings of worthlessness as “imagined slights”. 😒

Nice that somebody knows how the royal line of succession works, I guess… 

That sound you hear? Yeah, that’s just my heart breaking. NBD. 

First, they mislabelled it the Casket of Eternal Winters. Now it’s the Cask of Ancient Winters. Author must have been thirsty when they wrote this. Lol 

Look, not to nitpick, but this is not the recommended procedure when you see a storm that you don’t believe is of supernatural origin coming. I’m just saying. Lol 

Uh… ‘cause he is?? And your pals are committing treason AGAIN, Thor, so it technically is responding to a threat to Asgard. Just FYI.

Anyways, this is an important point that doesn’t get made often enough. People want to act like Loki illegally usurped the throne somehow, but even without the deleted scene that explicitly shows Frigga passing rulership to him (a scene which is, for some reason, entirely skipped over in this book, but whatever), understand this: Loki could not have controlled the Destroyer unless he was legitimately King of Asgard. The fact that he’s able to do so is irrefutable proof that his rulership is valid.

lmao you little shit

So… here’s my issue with this scene (and with Thor as a character): He always assumes that Loki’s acting out specifically to hurt him. That Loki’s entire life and thought process revolves around Thor. He does it in this scene, he does it in The Avengers… it’s just a chronic thing with Thor. Everything is viewed through the lens of Loki inexplicably hating him.

But that’s… just not accurate. Yes, Loki harbours a lot of jealousy towards Thor. But that’s not what’s happening in this scene. Loki is not trying to kill Thor here because he wants him dead; he’s doing it because Thor (and his friends) are getting in the way of Loki completing his ultimate goal. Loki tried to solve this problem non-violently, by lying about Odin being dead. It’s Thor’s friends who all but forced his hand by going behind his back and trying to bring Thor back to Asgard against Loki’s (and Odin’s!) direct orders.

For all the humility he’s learned in the past few days, this entire speech is still really all about Thor. About assuming that Loki’s doing this for personal reasons, because he holds a grudge against Thor for some unknown reason. This is implicit in his request to “take [my life] and end this.” It never even occurs to him that his friends are traitors to the Crown and Loki, as King of Asgard, is perhaps justified in pursuing them.

It also needs to be acknowledged that Thor’s apology here is hollow, even if it’s ultimately coming from his heart, because he has no idea what he’s apologising for. “Whatever I have done to wrong you” is not an apology. An apology addresses specific hurtful actions taken and commits to not repeating those mistakes in the future. Thor cannot commit to not repeating the hurtful things he’s done, because he doesn’t know what he’s done. Despite his best intentions, what Thor is doing here is actually kind of manipulative. He’s not addressing any substantive issue between the two of them; he’s just trying to talk Loki down. And it ultimately fails not because Loki doesn’t care or because he wants Thor dead, but because it doesn’t actually change anything.

Finally and only semi-relatedly, we should maybe at some point talk about the fact that Loki, who is stated to be a master tactician, has displayed a weird pattern of hardly ever being as lethal as he could be. He freezes Heimdall in place instead of killing him outright; he backhands Thor with the Destroyer instead of incinerating him; he, well… *gestures vaguely at almost the entirety of the first Avengers movie* Anytime the violence is even a little bit personal, he seems to hedge. Odd behaviour for somebody who’s supposedly super evil.

I’m sorry, I know I’ve pointed it out at least a hundred times before, but I just can’t encounter this scene in any form without taking a moment to appreciate how underrated and hilarious it is.

I also genuinely wonder how many Ragnarok stans who have accused me of having no sense of humour, have failed to laugh at moments like this one. Kinda feel like if you need to have the comedy spoonfed to you in the form of ass jokes, maybe you’re the one whose sense of humour is lacking. 🤷‍♀️

Let’s be super clear: this is not what happened. Loki did not betray Odin; he was betrayed by Odin. He did not open Asgard to its enemies; he attempted, misguidedly, to destroy Asgard’s enemies. And he most certainly did not commit suicide out of a sense of guilt.

I’m not saying Loki did nothing wrong, nor am I saying he feels no regret for the lives he has taken. What I’m saying is there’s no indication that he believes he betrayed Odin or Asgard in the process. Which makes perfect sense, because he didn’t. Everything he tried to do was for Odin and Asgard. It was misguided and horrible, yes, but it can hardly be classified as a betrayal.

The insurmountable burden on Loki is not that he did terrible things, but that no matter what he does or how hard he tries, Odin will never look at him with anything but contempt. Consider once more these passages from the very beginning of the book, at Thor’s coronation:

—

Consider that this book goes to great pains to point out that Odin favours Thor because Thor is a warrior like him. And yet even when Loki embraces that, even when he acts more war-like than ever before, Odin rejects him— just as he always has.

There is a reason why this moment is the last time Loki will ever call Odin his father. Because he realises once and for all that, no, nothing he tries will ever be good enough; no, Odin won’t ever look at him with pride. That is Loki’s burden. That is why he lets go.

The epilogue is really just two pages of making me want to vomit. 

There’s your party where Thor and a certain subset of the fandom insist that Loki was mourned. There’s barely an indication here that anyone even perceives his demise as a negative thing.

“[Sif] could see Frigga thought [Loki was dead] as well” also contradicts the tie-in comic for TDW, so I don’t know what the author is on about there. Unlike the majority of Marvel comics, the tie-in comics are canon to the MCU, so it’s a bizarre statement to make.

COULD YOU SMEAR THE DEAD* ABUSE VICTIM A LITTLE HARDER, PLEASE? Fucking hell.

No matter how many times I encounter this scene, in whatever format, I still fail to become desensitized to how disgusting it is. I realise there’s a good chance that whatever version of events Thor has been told was twisted at best; but how you can look at a man whose son has just committed suicide under any circumstances and say there will never be a better father than that guy, is utterly beyond my capacity to understand.

And Odin’s “you’ve already made me proud” line just feels like extra salt in the wound because, again, Loki let go because he realized Odin would never say those words to him. And yet they come so damn easily when it’s Thor.

Fuck this entire family so much. I think I hate them more than Loki does. Sometimes I wonder what he would think about that. How he would react to knowing that not only is he actually loved, but that he’s so loved that people are genuinely furious at the way he’s been mistreated. That there are people who regularly devolve into full-on rants because they just can’t contain how much anger they have towards the people who hurt him. I think he’d have a hard time wrapping his head around that concept, tbh.

Anyways, to end on a not-completely-depressing note, I’m still waiting for someone at Marvel to explain how Loki knew what Thor said in this scene after plummeting into a wormhole. ‘Cause he references this conversation as Fauxdin at the end of TDW. So like… ?? Did he steal Odin’s memories before he erased them? Because that would be… kind of neat, actually. And very clever. Not entirely ethical, of course, but it’s Odin, so fuck ethics.

WELP, THAT’S IT. Thanks for following along with my dumbassery, hope you enjoyed yourselves. Lol

[hana1379]

Tequila and Ridiculously Pink Dress

Summary: Being a guest at a wedding sometimes can make you feel adventurous. And you can't say no when a devil named Natasha persuades you to have a little fun.  

Pairing: Bucky Barne x Reader, other minor pairings

Warnings: SMUT, oral sex (female & male receiving), vaginal fingering, One night stands, language,18+

Words: 3.8k

Notes: I wanted to get back to writing here, so I wrote this instead of writing my thesis. Yay! The idea is loosely based on some story from a game I played.

Oh, I realized that we don’t have line breaks anymore and I’m confused bc why?

!If you spot any mistakes please blame my lack of education and/or Grammarly!

You were awakened by the sound of a notification on your phone. Blindly, you reached in every direction to grab it when you felt something on your left. Something firm yet delicate and oddly known. Having increasing pain in your head in regard you only peaked with one eye from the safety of a comforter. You saw a torso. Man's torso. Oh. So you ended up with a guy in bed. Putting two and two together you got drunk and got laid. Shit.

You didn't know who the man was nor you cared, wanting only to leave before he wakes up. You weren't the type to sleep around still not being completely over your break up almost half a year ago. 

You pulled the covers from your body wincing at the pain in your skull. Where the hell was your dress? Where the hell were you? 

Looking around you saw that you were in a hotel room. You saw your dress lying on the floor by the door, tiptoeing you moved to your possession when with dread you saw your panties hanging on the doorknob. The doors were shut on them, there was no way people didn't see your black lace garment from the corridor. 

Slowly and as quiet as possible you opened the door to take a hold of your thongs and closed the door immediately after. Relieved that the commotion although quiet didn’t wake up the guy. You tiptoed once more through the room to the one place where you could be alone, grabbing your bra on the way.

You closed the door behind you wincing at the sudden loud sound of the lock. 

“What the fuck?” you whispered facepalming yourself. You glanced at the mirror seeing the state you were in. One thing was sure; you were never, ever drinking tequila again. 

You were sipping a glass of ridiculously expensive wine, observing the dance floor. You smiled seeing the groom spinning the bride making her laugh. They looked happy, they were happy and you were happy for them. Steve and Sharon were made for each other. You admired Sharon for not giving up on her happiness and fighting for Steve. Lucky bastard. You wanted someone to fight for you the way Sharon did, and what you got was your ex explaining to you that he wasn't ready for any commitment only to knock up some random girl and marry her. 

At this point you were sure that every guy in the world was an ass, even Steve’s best man- Sam left you to hit on some girls. Right, it wasn’t like he had to babysit you because he was the best man and you were Sharon’s maid of honor but still, you felt alone surrounded by Steve and Sharon’s mutual friends from work, you were the only one from her high school friends she invited.

“Hiya cutie” sounded Natasha’s velvet voice. You met her and Sharon’s other friends on the bride shower two weeks prior. You were keen on them but it wasn’t like you were all the biggest of friends after one party. “Why are you sulking above your cake? Which piece are you on? Twelve?”

You scoffed “No, it’s only my second. Besides it’s nobody's business how many pieces I ate” 

“That’s the spirit! Fuck diet” she announced and sat beside you taking a mouthful of an intact piece that belonged to Sam but you were pretty sure he was eating something else right now. 

“So why are you looking like someone stole your man?” 

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the thing with my ex. I mean, I really thought he was the one” you said moving around the piece of cake you didn't eat yet on the plate.

"Maybe he was the one but not for you," Natasha said looking at her cake with hunger in her eyes. She took another mouthful and when you didn't comment she quickly chewed before swallowing.

"You know what I think you need?

"What?" You averted your eyes to look at the dancing people, you weren't interested in what Natasha wanted to say

"You need to get laid," she said with pride in her voice, you looked at her and snorted. She wasn't serious

"I mean it. Look, you see that guy?" Natasha pointed with her chin to a guy sitting at the table across the room. He was gorgeous, with broad shoulders and a perfect face. The most handsome man you ever saw in your life. A god. Sex on the legs.

"His name is Thor and he came alone here tonight. If you like them pretty and dummy then he's a perfect match for you. Go talk to him"

"Why don't you talk to him?" You laughed trying to hide how embarrassed you were starting to get

"I cherish brian more than muscles. Go for it" 

Actually, you thought why not? It wasn't like after one night you were supposed to date him.

"Come on Y/N live a little, relax and let loose" the devil on your shoulder named Natasha successfully was convincing you to sin. To sin with a fine specimen. You wouldn't mind if after everything he would take you out.

"You know what? Why the hell not? I'm going to him" you said and gulped down the rest of your wine in one go "but I think I need a drink first" 

"Yeah! You won't regret it I tell you. Go" she stood up and saluted you only to sit down again and stuff her mouth with another spoonful

You moved to the bar on the other end of the hall trying to get a hold of your ridiculously puffy dress. You had hoped that when Sharon asked you to be her maid of honor she wouldn't get you a typical pink dress for a maid. How you were wrong. 

You reached the bar and waited patiently for the bartender to acknowledge you, looking from time to time at the Thor guy, you didn't want him to go somewhere without you noticing. When the bartender finally turned to you with a big smile on his face you ordered a tequila shot. You felt like having fun so why not? 

He poured one for you in a shot glass with salty crust, he also gave you a lime slice. You took a breath before taking a shot and then sank your teeth in lime. Why did it feel like you died? You ordered another and gulped it down as quickly as it appeared on the bar. 

It was now or never. You turned around in the direction of the guy with newly gained confidence thanks to the alcohol and a big smile on your face. First impressions are important and you wanted him to see that you are not a grumpy hag. Your big grin soon faltered when you spotted the Thor guy locking lips with some cute brunette. Typical.

Looks like your plans turned into dust. Once again you turned to the bartender, accepting your fate of being lonely forever. 

“Tequila please” bartender smiled at you with pity in his eyes, he knew what state of mind you were in. 

“Oh man” somebody breathed snickering quietly, but not quietly enough for you not to hear. You turned your head to the sound and you saw a guy standing there with a half-finished tumbler with amber liquid in it. You weren’t stupid, he wanted you to hear and his bright smile gave it away.

“I’m sorry, do I amuse you?” you asked narrowing your eyes at him, he only laughed harder

“A little, yes” his blue eyes twinkled and before you were able to respond and told him to go to hell he continued his dilation “What Romanoff did tell you about him? That he came here alone? Then she must be blind or she’s getting old” you didn’t know where this was going and the stranger sighed and slid closer to you with a glass in his hand. He discreetly pointed at Thor and the girl who was now laughing at something he said and holding his hand. 

“It’s his new girlfriend- Jane. They're dating for two weeks now I think.” You looked at them, really looked and scolded yourself at how stupid you were thinking someone as hot as Thor could be alone. 

“Soooo, I guess it’s better that you saw it from afar than you know, hitting on him and then his girlfriend coming. That would be awkward as hell” he said and you hated that he was right, you would’ve been crossed out among Sharon’s friends, or at least you would be laughed at, and you weren’t sure you would survive that. 

“I’m James” the stranger extended his hand to you and you tentatively took it.  

“Y/N” you gave him a small smile and he shook your hand

“Y/N” James tasted your name on hi tongue “I like it, it suits you,” he said and you snorted

“Thank you for being polite but I think I’m gonna head home.” you tried to straighten your dress which was impossible with the amount of tulle. 

“The night is young Y/N, have fun while you can” he gave you the warmest smile you have ever received making you realize that yet again he was right. You wanted to have fun and it wasn’t like Thor dumped you or rejected you, taking into consideration he didn’t even know you existed. You nodded your head at James and ordered the whole bottle of tequila before he led you to the corner where he’s been previously sitting. 

“And then Steve was like thrown into garbage cans in the alley and then he lifted himself trying looking like a badass and said ‘I can do this all day’ like a fucking pro” you giggled at the story Bucky was telling you. Earlier during your conversation, James revealed that he preferred to be called Bucky because James made him feel old and Jim was too stupid. He told you where the nickname ‘Bucky’ came from but at this point, you didn’t remember. 

“So” you started to make him look at you “why aren’t you Steve’s best man knowing that he considers you his best friend?” Bucky chuckled awkwardly

“I’m not a person who likes to be in a spotlight, you know on the photos be almost in the foreground” 

“You think I like it?” Bucky lifted his brew and meaningfully looked at your ridiculously pink dress “I didn’t choose that dress” you said in your defense and Bucky chuckled reaching for tequila’s bottle to pour you both another shot. 

You glanced away and you saw Natasha in her sparkly red dress leading some guy behind her by the hand. Guy looked the way she told you she liked them ‘more brain than muscle’. When she saw that you were observing her she stopped and eyed your companion before giving you thumbs up with her known smirk and then she grabbed the guy’s hand and continued marching. 

You felt Bucky tapping you with his glass on your arm to bring your attention to him. You reached for your now full glass and clicked with Bucky’s before you both took a shot. 

You were suddenly pulled back to reality when a sound of smashing glass echoed in the room. You saw Thor’s girlfriend loudly telling him not to do that. Do what? Who cares. You didn’t know how long it took until you realized that somebody’s moist mouths were sliding along your neck and sucking at one particular place that made you moan quietly. 

“Bucky we shouldn’t do that, not here,” you said and you were relieved that when he lifted his head it was Bucky and not some random dude

“People can see us”

“No one will, everybody is too drunk or they’ve gone to sleep” you looked around the dance floor and you saw several patrons at the table clearly drunk and the only dancing pair. Steve and Sharon were swaying to the quiet almost nonexistent beat, holding each other close. 

“We can go to my hotel room. What do you say?” Bucky's voice ringed in your ears and you simply nodded your head.

Bucky closed the door with his boot because his hands were too occupied with pulling at your dress. Maybe you were too overwhelmed by his tongue in your mouth or maybe it was his scent or maybe the booze but you stood there by the door, letting him devour you. 

"Bucky the door," you said against his lips seeing that the door wasn't closed properly. Without pulling away from you he reached under your dress and you squealed. 

"Give me your panties" he panted and without any word, he got down on his knee and pulled your thongs down. He straightened holding a back lace between his fingers, Bucky smirked before he pecked you on the lips. You saw him hanging your garment on the doorknob and shutting the door on them. He turned to you and pulled your dress down making you gasp when you heard seams ripping.

"Hey! I have to give it b-" Bucky silenced you with his mouth 

"You look better without it anyway" he placed his hands on your face and steered you to the bed still not pausing the kiss. He gently laid you on the bed spreading your legs and looking at you with greed in his eyes. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, still looking at you from between your legs. You reached your arms to him. You wanted him, you wanted him badly.

“Bucky please” you whined pathetically and he darkly chuckled

“Not now baby girl, I need to taste you first” before you had time to acknowledge his words Bucky sank to his knees and you felt his hot breath on your core making you shudder. Bucky parted your folds with his tongue and you moaned. God, that felt good. You gasped and released a porn worthy moan. Bucky groaned against you when his tongue ventured to your entrance and sank in. You missed this, you missed being this close to somebody because truth to be told none of any toys in the world won’t replace another human being. 

Your steam of thoughts was interrupted when Bucky inserted a finger inside you and latched his lips on your little love button. 

Your hand shoot to his hair.

“Oh fuck” you panted trying not to come too fast when Bucky inserted his second digit.

“You taste so good,” Bucky said smirking at you and only then you realized that he was only pleasuring you with his fingers. “And you’re so tight” he slowly dragged his fingers across your walls making you wail. 

“Pl-please don’t stop, I need to come” you sobbed and Bucky dived in again continuing his assault. His fingers were moving faster and faster with every passing second and you felt like your orgasm were creeping behind a corner, only three-four pushes and you would be seeing stars but Bucky stubbornly avoided that once spot within you that could make you climax. Frustrated you glanced at him and you saw he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face and then his fingers brushed it once, twice and you were done for. Clenching hard on his fingers you reached your peak. 

When you still didn’t come around, Bucky crawled to hover above you and kissed you. You swore to god that was the most fervent kiss in your life. Numbly you moved your fingers to his belt and started to fight with his buckle failing miserably. 

“Let me” he mumbled before he straightened and unbuckled his belt. You took the opportunity to get rid of your bra. You bit your lips seeing Bucky pulling his pants down and when his cock sprang free you almost choked. He was big, it was sure as hell you would be choking on him. 

“C’mere” he summoned you with his hand and you obliged. You were sure that you would do anything in your power to make you both feel good. 

You kneeled before him beside the bed and Bucky fisted your hair maneuvering your head so that your lips were close to the tip. You opened your mouth waiting for him to insert but you were greeted with him smearing his precome on your lips, like sticky lipstick. You darted your tongue and teased him making Bucky hiss. He untangled his hand from your hair and for you, it was a cue to start the action. 

You placed your hand on the base because for sure, you weren’t able to fit everything in your mouth. You slowly started to stroke him while your tongue massaged the underside of his cock. Bucky shuddered and placed his hand on the back of your head signalizing what he wanted. You tried to relax your throat to accommodate him as much as you could when you gagged and Bucky groaned. You knew you weren’t capable of fitting him whole, but Bucky seemed like he didn’t mind lolling his head to the back. You moved your head up and down on his shaft from time to time releasing him to take a breath and your hand to stroke him. He authentically moaned when you slide your tongue on his manhood from his balls to the tip, you the took him in your mouth as far as your throat allowed when you felt him twitch.

It was your cue to double your efforts because he was close. But Bucky had other plans. He grabbed your head preventing you to move and he exited your mouth. He helped you on your feet only to turn you around and push you onto the bed. 

You ended up on your hands and knees before him and it was a perfect opportunity to tease him with a sight of your butt and soaking core. Bucky was rapidly rifling through his trousers making you giggle when you saw that he had a hard time focusing on his task. 

When he finally found what he was looking for he ripped the package with his teeth and rolled the condom onto his throbbing dick. Bucky scaled bed and pushed your torso into the bed making your butt stick out even more. He grabbed his dick and teased your slit with it. 

You whined in dissatisfaction but your whine soon altered into a pornographic moan when Bucky sank his girth into you.

“Jesus girl, you’re tight” Bucky muttered when he bottomed out. He let you grow accustomed to his size, caressing your back, and making shallow thrusts. You tried to make him fuck you, you didn’t want to wait, you wanted him to fuck you hard any time now. You straightened your arms and lifted your body from your position when Bucky pushed you once more making your face colliding with the comforter. Without any warning, he moved his hips so that only his tip was inside and the next second he drove into you. 

You cried out, the comforter muffling your screams but Bucky had no intention in stopping his satisfying thrusts. 

You were in heaven, you were sure you died and now this was your reward for having such a botched love life. 

Bucky was impaling you on his dick in a rapid motion and you felt the peak rushing in. The wet sounds that were heard in a room, believe it or not, were making you hornier with each passing second. Bucky’s hands on your hips weren’t helping you hold either. 

“Bucky” you panted “Bucky please I can’t hold on” your cried out into the comforter signaling your inexorably approaching peak. 

“Then let go, baby girl. I want you to come on my dick” at his word you screamed and felt a delightful bliss. You clamped down on him and Bucky had to clench his teeth not to come, he wanted to savor this moment as long as he possibly could. He also soon reached his orgasm groaning from the ecstasy. 

He collapsed next to you and with a smile on his face he scooted closer to you. Bucky swept dome of your hair that managed to fall from your hairdo and leaned above you.

“You’re perfect,” he said before he captured your lips in a delicate kiss.

Banging from the other side of the door made you realize that your male company has woken up. You didn’t know what to do and what to expect. So you screamed from the bottom of your lungs.

“I need to dress! Wait a minute!” you quickly pulled your panties and bra on when you heard a groan of annoyance. 

“Girl you can dress in the room, come on open up, I need to pee” he really sounded like he had to go so you decided to let him in. 

You opened the door and he marched in, still naked as the day he was born. Your mouth gaped, you weren’t expecting that.

He muttered something like ‘god damn you woman’ and you had a hard time not to look at his dick and/or butt. 

You exited the bathroom to give him a little bit of space and tried to put on your dress when you saw that it was ripped at the seams. 

“Doll can you grab my pants and give me them?” Bucky’s voice echoed. ‘Girl, woman, doll’ it sounded like he already had forgotten your name. You exhaled and grabbed his pants from the floor making his phone slip out from the pocket. 

“You know I have a name?” you said with outstretched hand looking away, seeing his dick and knowing where it was and what you were doing with it made you somehow nauseous or maybe it was your hangover. 

“I know,” he said with humor in his voice, “I think your dress is ruined” you heard him say with an accompaniment of his rustling clothes

“No shit” you murmured and sat on the bed next to his phone when the thing’s screen brightened showing that Buck had an unread message. 

“You can take my shirt or if you prefer you can stay here” his voice didn’t reach you because even though that it was rude and nosy your curiosity predominated over your responsibility, especially when the text was from Natasha. 

U know Barnes, you should pay me for being such a wonderful matchmaker. I hope Y/N doesn’t regret that.

People I had in my tag list at least one year ago and I was able to tag: @thessaswea @stanskarsgard @chipilerendi @bexboo616 @peaceinourtime82 @usernamesarelies @bulaklakas @lovely-geek @httpmcrvel @antichrist-langdon13 @rebelfleur22 @adrememporium @metalarmlover @benedrylcumbersnatch @myattemptatfanfictioning @british-men

I’m tagging @suz-123​ bc you said you wanted to read year ago and @eamesandbellamyaremyheaven​, if anything changed just please ignore this

[bonjour-rainycity]

Odin’s Ward ~ Chapter 10

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/637890992711843840/odins-ward-chapter-9

Pairing: Loki x female reader

Word count: 2798

Warnings: Violence

Y/n: 18 // Loki: 20 // Thor: 24

Y/n’s POV

Light floods my room and assaults my aching eyes.

“Good morning, My Lady.” Ragna’s high-pitched voice floats from my left, and I roll to see her standing near my bed. Her eyes widen as she takes in my face. She disappears, returning quickly with a cool washcloth.

“To help with the swelling,” she explains as she dabs under my eyes. I nod absently, not ready to focus on the realities of today.

When Ragna is done, she steps back. “My Lady, it is time to ready you for the day.”

I stand, following her mutely to my wardrobe. She puts me in a dress very similar to what I wore yesterday, although this one has sky blue accents as opposed to gold. While she does my hair in an updo typical of Alfheim noblewomen, Ragna tries to make conversation. “I’m sorry you did not sleep well.” Her words are careful, testing the waters and the limits of my politeness, but I hear real concern in her voice. This leads me to answer honestly.

“It’s…” I swallow and try to gather the right words. I must choose them carefully. “Difficult to be moved from what I’ve known for so long.” There. Not too revealing, but hints at why I’m so distraught.

Ragna is silent for a moment, her fingers expertly twisting my hair. “I can empathize, My Lady.”

I raise my eyebrows, grateful for any distraction and hoping she’ll go on. She does.

“When I was a child, barbarians kidnapped me from my village and sold me to the castle. I haven’t seen my family since.” There’s no sadness in her voice, no longing. She’s simply stating the facts.

My eyes staring at her through the mirror reflect the shock I feel. “That must have been very hard.”

“Yes,” she agrees. “Although it truly does get easier with time. Quite quickly, I adjusted to my life here. In all honesty, I probably would have died had I remained in my village. I was the youngest of seven, and my parents couldn’t afford to feed us all. My life in the castle allows me to be clothed, fed, and housed. I have a purpose, and I have friends. It is a better life than I was meant for, surely.”

I suck in a breath, lowering my eyes to my lap out of shame. Here’s a girl who has gone through much worse than I have, and she doesn’t let it break her. How weak I must be. “You speak of this so easily.”

Through the mirror, she smiles kindly, understanding clear in her eyes. “You will too, one day. It will take time, but you will grow to love your husband. You will have children you adore and rule over a realm that adores you.”

Love, I think wistfully. No, I have given all my love away.

A green-eyed man floats to my mind, and I hasten to distract myself. “What do you know of my fiancé?”

Ragna’s eyes sparkle and she launches into a fast-paced telling of everything she knows. I can tell she enjoys gossip, but I can’t find it in myself to be annoyed. After all, this could prove very useful to me.

“His name is Audunn, and he is very wealthy. That’s why your father chose him for you, I’m sure of it. His family is one of the founding families of Alfheim, and he is a pureblood. Not a single member of his family has every married someone not of traceable Alfheim descent, so it upset some people when he announced his engagement to you.” At my expression, she’s quick to reassure. “I mean no offense, of course, but you are Asgardian. Still, the Royal Family is Asgardian, so if Asgard blood is good enough to rule all Nine Realms, why shouldn’t it be good enough to marry?” I want to smile at her carefree conclusions, but don’t have it in me. “Audunn is handsome, but quite a bit older than you. I wouldn’t let that worry you, though. Age equals experience, and experience equals fun.” She tries to bite back a grin, and I can’t help releasing a shocked laugh.

“Sorry, My Lady.” But Ragna’s eyes still sparkle, and I feel my fondness growing for her by the second. She continues. “Anyway, he has no children, thank your lucky fates, but that means he will expect them quickly from you. But no matter. You are young and will surely be with child after your first few years together.”

Agitation rises within me. Children? I don’t think I’m ready for children.

Ragna stuffs a pin into the twist. “Your father is not an old man, and it is likely he will continue to preside over Alfheim for hundreds of years. But once he leaves us for the stars, your husband will rise to the position of Chief Diplomat and you will be extended that status as well. I’m not sure what the people will call you, though….” She furrows her brow as she thinks. “I don’t remember a time when your mother shared your father’s throne. Do you recall her title?”

“Duchess.” The word comes to me easily, though I wasn’t aware I knew this piece of information. “My father is technically a duke in Asgard.”

Ragna smiles at me through the mirror, adjusting a stray braid. “Duchess, then.”

Upon hearing the title directed at me, I gulp.

Finished with my hair, Ragna places an encouraging hand on my shoulder. “You will be wonderful.”

And although I do not feel like it, I smile back.

{***}

I sit on a bench somewhere in the castle grounds, enjoying the sun. Ragna lounges below me on the grass. I had offered her the space next to me, but she emphatically refused, saying it would not be proper for a servant to sit at an equal level with a woman of my status. I had fought the urge to roll my eyes.

A servant I haven’t encountered yet runs up to us. He’s older than I am, and it feels strange to have an elder bow deeply in my direction.

He does not look at me when he speaks. “My Lady, Master requires your presence immediately.”

I raise my eyebrows. Who’s Master?

Ragna jumps up and her eyes beg me to do the same. For her sake, I do, although I am already wary of meeting a man who makes his servant call him Master.

The servant walks a good fifteen paces ahead of us and does not look back. Ragna takes a place behind my left shoulder so she can whisper in my ear as the three of us speed-walk. “That is Sveinn, the manservant of your betrothed.” There’s a something in her voice, something odd, but my own panic at meeting my fiancé keeps me from placing it.

“Audunn? I’m meeting him now?”

“I believe so, My Lady.” Her voice is grave, a clear sign of the importance of this meeting. I straighten my posture. Ragna fusses over my dress as we continue our way up and through the castle.

Finally, and yet all too soon, we stop outside a massive set of doors.

“You are to wait here,” Sveinn instructs Ragna.

I consider protesting, but she has already curtsied to me and taken a step back.

I swallow as Sveinn knocks.

“Enter,” calls a deep, gravely voice. Audunn.

A set of guards opens the doors. I hold my head high, fake all the confidence I do not feel, and enter the chamber.

The man I presume to be my fiancé stands in the center of the dark room, turned away from me, hands clasped tightly behind his back.

Svienn moves to leave the room.

“Stay, Sveinn.”

The servant gulps nervously. “Yes, Master.” There’s that title again. So abrasive.

The silence resumes. I refuse to speak first. Audunn is the one who called me here, after all.

Somewhere nearby, a clock ticks.

“I thought it prudent that we meet, given our current status.”

I bristle at his haughty tone. “How can we meet when we do not look each other in the eye?”

Slowly, he turns to face me.

From across the room, I take him in.

He is of moderate hight and full of textbook Alfheimish features. His ears are longer and narrower than mine, his nose small and graceful. Blonde hair speckled with silver covers both his head and the lower part of his face. Ragna wasn’t kidding. He is much older than me.

He studies me as well. From the glint in his eyes, I can tell he likes what he sees. Gross. He’s dressed extravagantly, covered in an ornate cloak even though he’s indoors. With a hint of glee, I notice that his clothes are darker than mine. As of now, I hold a higher status than him.

That small bit of power gives me more confidence, and I take the necessary steps to meet him in the middle of the room. “Shall we sit and get to know each other?”

His mouth quirks up at one end. “That won’t be necessary. There is no need for you to be here much longer.”

I raise my eyebrows, taken aback. “Excuse me?”

He takes a heavy step in my direction, coldness in his eyes. “What is there to know about you? Soon, we will be wed. You will exist to give me pleasure, status, and heirs. That is all I need to know.”

I feel the fire of fury spread through my body, setting every nerve alight. My fists clench. “How dare you! I am so much more than an empty body existing only for you.” I straighten, doing my best to reel in my anger and return control to the situation. “You will not speak to me like that again.”

Audunn’s features harden and he locks his eyes on mine. “Sveinn, come here.”

Sveinn follows the order, his steps slow and shaky.

“Sveinn,” Audun barks.

The servant yelps and rushes to stand by us.

Audunn’s hand cracks across Sveinn’s face.

A gasp tears from my throat as I surge forward to stop the assault. Sveinn reaches a pleading hand from his position on the ground.

“Please, My Lady, don’t—” his voice is cut off with a sharp intake of air as Audunn strikes him again. “You will only make it worse.”

The poor man’s mouth begins to bleed and he looks at me with begging eyes.

I hesitate.

“That’s right, you listen,” Audunn growls, gripping Sveinn by the hair and forcing his bleeding face in my direction. I shrink back, horror seeping into my bones. “You did this to him.”

Horror turns to anger. “You’re the one beating him! You—” but before my words are finished, Audunn begins anew, striking Sveinn without reservation.

“My Lady, please.” Sveinn’s voice, broken and desperate, is what grounds me.

I try to force myself to de-escalate by focusing on my breathing. As soon as I’m silent, the beating stops.

“There’s a good girl.” Audunn’s voice sickens me. It reminds me of a poison apple—achingly sweet and unbelievably dangerous. “Sveinn,” Audunn throws him on the ground but releases him, choosing to walk a circle around me instead, “is what’s known as a whipping servant. Are you familiar with the concept?”

Heart stuttering, I nod.

“Good. Then you understand that anytime you do something to displease me,” his voice darkens, and he takes a menacing step in my direction, “poor, poor Sveinn gets a beating. Because of you.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, forcing myself to be strong. Do not break.

“If you behave,” Audunn’s voice is back to being sweet and deceptively pleasant, “all will be well. I’m sure that is logic even a woman can follow.”

I exhale in my anger but otherwise hold it in. My body is coiled tight and by the gods, I want to let it spring.

But the look on Sveinn’s bleeding and fearful face keeps me from acting on my impulse.

Audunn stops in front of me, wearing a tight smile. “You are dismissed.”

I do my best not to run from the room.

Once clear of the door, I speed up. Before I know it, I’m running.

I hear light footsteps behind me, indicating Ragna’s pursuit, but I do not slow. I exit the castle and run past the bench where I sat earlier. I pass the apple orchard and the fountains. I run for as long as I can, until my legs give out. I collapse in a pile of sobs and gasping breath, finally breaking. The grass pricks my legs, but I barely notice. The weeping is my main concern, wracking my body and causing my chest to seize.

“Oh, My Lady.” Ragna’s voice is full of concern and distress. Hesitantly, she wraps her arms around me and I grip at her, unable to stop myself from seeking comfort.

“He-he,” I gasp.

“My Lady, I am so sorry. There were rumors but I-I never thought….” Horror colors her voice as she trails off. Instead of speaking, she concentrates on stroking my hair, and the action gradually soothes me.

My heart is in deep distress. It calls for Loki. I want nothing more than to be in his arms. Loki is mischievous and morally ambiguous at best ,but I know he would never do to me what Audunn has. Loki cared for me, loved me, respected me, and protected me. Audunn views me as his personal servant, made to be used.

I shudder.

“Ragna, I—” I sniffle. “I cannot be with that man. I’ll…” But my voice trails off, because I don’t know what I’ll do. I desperately want to end the engagement and leave this realm. I want to return to Asgard and ask them to take me back. I will even beg Odin himself. And I want to run into the safety of Loki’s arms and kiss him and hug him and tell him that I am his. I want him to be mine as well. It’s him I want to marry.

But I know that’s not what will happen. People like me and Loki rarely get what we want, simply due to our status. We exist as pawns, ready to be moved at the will of our fathers. As a man, Loki has more free will than I, but not by much. As a prince, he will be expected to marry an Asgardian noblewoman, just as I am expected to marry Audunn. It is my duty. And I must be strong enough to carry it out.

I sit up, willing myself to find any strength left in my body. “Will you help me get ready for dinner?”

Ragna looks relieved at my gaining composure. “Of course, My Lady.”

{***}

Audunn joins us for dinner. Every time he looks at me, I do my best not to grimace. I may hate this man, but I have no ill will towards Sveinn and desperately do not want to see him hurt. For the majority of the evening, we eat in silence.

As I pick at my dessert, Father speaks. “My council and I have set a date for your marriage ceremony.”

My stomach clenches. Loki’s face flashes in my mind, apathetic and detached. I do my best to mimic his mask in order to hide my fear. “Oh?”

Father grunts. “Three weeks from now.”

But I am not as practiced as Loki. A breath escapes me, and my voice is noticeably stained when I speak. “So soon?”

Audunn puts on a winning smile. “What she means to say, is that she is pleased. Isn’t that right, dear Y/n?”

I swallow down my bile and set him with a hard look. “Yes.”

Father doesn’t seem to notice the tension between us. “Shall I invite anyone in particular from Asgard?”

Yes. “No.”

Father continues, taking a bite of his dessert. “I will, of course, invite the Royal Family, though I highly doubt they will be in attendance. It’s unusual for the entire family to leave Asgard.” A thoughtful look crosses his face. “But perhaps the Allmother will come. She seems the most likely, if any.”

Hope surprises me, and I cling to it. “Yes, I wish she would attend. It would be lovely to see her again. Queen Frigga was always so kind to me.” An unexpected pang of longing hits me, and I realize I had been so focused on missing Loki that I hadn’t noticed I miss his mother as well. Now aware, I ache for her kind words and motherly affections.

Father gives me a small smile. “I will be sure to convey your words in the invitation.”

I nod, thankful. Perhaps if Frigga attends the wedding, I can get though it without screaming.

A/n: Let me know what you thought and if you would like to be added to the tag list!

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/638076748499681280/odins-ward-chapter-11

Tag list: @80strashbag @dark-night-sky-99 @what-am-i-doing10 @chxrryycola @ravenclaw5606

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Falling Ch. 4

Master List: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Bucky X Reader [and a few more to come]

Summary: For a moment you had something good, something wonderful. But moments pass. Now, left with nothing but the ashes of a life and a love you fought so hard for, you find yourself in a free fall. Who will you be once you hit the bottom? [Sequel to Only For A Moment but can be read independently.]

Warnings: Loss, grief, violence, death, blood, just all the things

A/N: Well... Ya know I’m at a loss for what to say about this one. It’s a lot and goddamn if I don’t love me some angry Steve Rogers. 

Also, thank y’all so much for the really great feedback on the last chapter! I absolutely love hearing from readers.

OH! If you read my Stay series there is a sad little easter egg in here. Let me know if you catch it. 

TAGS ARE OPEN

“I still can’t believe it,” Bucky pushed a stray piece of hair from his face. “She even agreed to take my name.” 

Steve couldn’t help but smile. 

“Sam can’t believe that one either.” 

Bucky chuckled, “Glad he and I can agree on something.” 

“I’m so happy for you, brother.” He settled a hand on Bucky’s good shoulder, feeling like his chest was going to burst. 

Never in a million years could he have imagined James Barnes actually settling down. He certainly never thought they’d ever be watching a peaceful sunset over the water discussing how happy Bucky was to be settling down. But their lives had been nothing if not a long line of surprises; at least this one was pleasant. 

Bucky let out a heavy sigh, a cloud of worry suddenly darkening his features. 

“Stevie…” The old nickname shot a pang of worry through Steve’s gut. Bucky didn’t take his eyes off the water as he continued. “If something were to happen-” 

“Buck, nothing is-”

Bucky let out a low bitter laugh, “Careful there, pal. Getting dangerously close to a lie.” 

“I’m not exactly the most popular guy in the world,” he tilted his head to meet Steve’s worried expression. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like I’m about to disappear.” Bucky shoved Steve’s shoulder with his own, “I’m not you. I have no intention to go lookin’ for trouble.” 

Steve scoffed, rolling his eyes, “Jerk.”

“But,” Bucky continued, ignoring Steve’s soft jab, “trouble seems to like me so… Just…” He took a ragged breath, eyes once more on the horizon. 

“Just what, Buck?” When Bucky looked back Steve almost lost his breath. The emotion on his friend’s face like a knife in his heart. Fear, worry, shame, and something else all swirl around him. 

“Just promise me you’ll look out for her.”

That afternoon with Bucky by the lake plays over and over in Steve’s head throughout the flight back to the states. 

Look out for her, was all Bucky had asked. 

Take care of her, Okoye ordered. 

He wanted to do both. 

So why did he keep failing?

Why had he placed his own burdens on you the same night you’d lost your own battle with grief? Why could he keep up appearances for everyone else but not you? Why was he sitting here across the jet while Thor did what he should have been doing? 

He would do better. He had to. 

When the jet lands at the compound his resolve wavers just a bit. They were all supposed to come home together. He’d promised Wanda that… 

“I’m good, Thor,” your voice pulls him back. 

Thor stands, making his way out of the jet, Rocket at his heels. You don’t move though, bolted to your seat, eyes on your clasped hands as if in prayer. 

Natasha steps away from the captain’s chair, glancing at you then him, an unspoken question on her face. Steve nods in response and she too leaves. 

Steeling himself for rejection, he stands, slowly walking over to you and extending his hand. 

You look up at him with painfully red eyes, the circles beneath them making the effect all the more harrowing. He thought of what Okoye said M’Baku had called you. Demon. 

Surprisingly, you accept his hand. 

“Here,” he reaches for the backpack slung over one of your shoulders, “let me.”

“No,” you release his hand, immediately gripping the strap of the bag with white-knuckled force. He tries not to look put off by the action and suspects that he failed, if your follow up was any indication. “You can get my duffle though.” 

A half-smile tugs at his mouth, “Alright.” 

Shouldering his bag and yours he heads out into the later afternoon sun. It had been almost full night when they left Wakanda and such transitions always shook him. He credited that with the reason he didn’t immediately notice that you remained frozen at the foot of the ramp. 

“Y/N?” He asked gently, heading back toward you. With a chill he remembered how you’d stood in the woods that night, unmoving. 

“Are you sure I should be here?” You ask, voice barely above a whisper. 

His brows knit in confusion, “Of course. Why wouldn’t-”

“Isn’t this technically Stark’s place? I doubt he’d want… Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” They’d cleared it with Pepper, and in his opinion, that was all that mattered. “If anyone has an issue with it they can take it up with me.” 

You nod in acceptance and follow him inside. 

-

The room Steve showed you to had the cold but comfortable feel of an upscale hotel. Not a speck of dust or item out of place. 

“If you need anything just find me or ask Friday,” Steve said running a hand through his hair. “Kitchen should have a few things according to Rhodey. And-”

“I’m good, Steve.” You didn’t want him to feel obligated to linger. 

“Ok, but if-”

“I said I’m good,” your tone was filled with far more bite than you intended. You cringe at the hurt that quickly flashes in his eyes. 

“Alright,” he nods. “Get some rest.”

“You too.” 

As soon as the door closes behind Steve you can hear Bucky’s voice in your head. 

Look out for him. He’d asked that of you not long after you made your marriage official. 

God, you’d hated that entire conversation. Hated that even in the safety of Wakanda he was afraid of something happening to him, something he couldn’t control. Now you hated even more that he’d been right.

He’d trusted that you would take care of the only family he had left. 

And you were failing him. 

Your right hand begins to tremble, thrumming with power, fingers flexing, reaching for the ghost of his heartbeat. 

Anger flares in your chest. Curling your hand into a tight fist you slam it into the door, again and again, until the metal finally groans. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, your forehead pressed against the door, breath catching. “I’m so sorry, Bucky.” 

Suddenly you sway on your feet, a wave of pure exhaustion rolling over you. Cradling your bloody fist to your chest you shuffle to the bed, unable and unwilling to face another moment of consciousness. 

When you wake, it’s full dark. Your hand throbs with pain but it’s better than the memory of loss it carried before. You locate a fully stocked medkit in the bathroom - perks of crashing at a superhero base you guess - and bandage your hand. After that, you’re unsure what to do with yourself.

Aimlessly you pace the room, growing somehow more numb and frantic with each circuit. From time to time your packed bag catches your attention; you know you should probably unpack but… The thought of getting the bag, opening it, going through the contents, finding where to put each one. It felt like an insurmountable task. 

Finally, the grumbling in your stomach breaks through, forcing you from the room.

There wasn’t a ton in the kitchen, which made sense considering no one had been living here full time, but mercifully there was bread, peanut butter, and jelly in the fridge which was enough. 

You pour all your focus into the familiar task of making PB&J. Taking far too much care to get the peanut butter right to the edge of each piece, making a little well for the jelly, not pressing too hard when you cut. So, when someone presses on your awareness you jump in alarm, body hovering about a foot in the air. 

“Shit! Sorry,” Natasha holds her hands up trying to be unthreatening. It’s then that you realize the cabinet doors are shuddering. You swallow a breath, feet back on the ground, the cabinets silent once more. 

“You’re good. I was just… distracted.”

“I see that,” she looks from the two sandwiches to you. “Never seen someone pay that much attention to a peanut butter sandwich.” 

You shrug, “Want one?” 

“No. That’s yours. I can-” You float one of the sandwiches over to her. She smiles. “Fine.” 

She grabs the sandwich and leans against the counter across from you.  

For about half a sandwich you eat in silence. It’s not uncomfortable but the unspoken crackles. 

“I lost someone once…” Your eyes shoot to hers. A sheen of unshed tears makes her eyes glitter in the dim kitchen. “She was like you.”

“How?” 

“Gifted.” You snort at the word. 

“She didn’t view it as a gift either. Charlie,” she pauses, taking a shaky breath, “could read emotions, catch glimpses of memory, even read thoughts if she set her mind to it. Empathetic with telepathic tendencies was what her S.H.I.E.L.D. file called it.” A soft smile fills Natasha’s face, “She just called herself a freak.” She sets her plate down, half a sandwich still on it. 

“We… It wasn’t what you could call traditional. We never settled down, couldn’t. But, we made it work in our own way. She… I loved her. I’ve never… Anyway, she-” Natasha’s voice breaks. 

You don’t breathe, don’t move. All your effort is focused on listening and keeping control of yourself even as you feel your power threatening to break free. 

Finally, you ask, “How long?”

“She’s been gone almost ten years.” That hits you right in the chest. “I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but…” She trails off. 

A vision of your future flashes in your mind. Years spread out before you. Empty and aimless without the warmth of his smile or the ring of his laughter.  

There’s a scream bubbling up in your chest. Without warning Natasha reaches across the small space separating you, grabbing your hand with ferocious strength. 

“I just wanted you to know you’re not alone.” 

Her touch shakes you. The warmth of her palm, her fingers shifting between your own. 

Neither of you let go. 

It just happens. One moment you’re about to drown in the understanding that there was no coming back from this, no healing, no return, and the next-

Your lips crash into hers. 

They’re warm and soft. Something real and solid and alive. Her mouth opens against yours, your other hand reaching to cup the back of her head. You want to forget, ashes and heartache and loss - burry those feeling in the heat of her. 

“Stop,” she breathes heavily against your kiss. 

That one word sends reality crashing back into you. With a sharp breath, you release her, stumbling back into the opposite counter, hand covering your mouth to keep in your shock. 

Around you, things begin to hum, a low deep frequency rather than a shaking, as you feel your perception dive beneath the surface. The plate next to you lets out a creaking sound as it begins to crumble. 

Too much. 

“It’s ok, Y/N,” Natasha grips your shoulders. 

“I’m so sorry,” you croak from beneath your hand. 

“It’s ok,” she smiles, rubbing your upper arms comfortingly. Slowly you regain some kind of control. 

“No,” you shake your head. “That was-  Fuck!” You pull away from her, pacing several steps away, gripping your head trying not to lose it. 

“I should never have… God, Nat, I’m so-”

“Stop,” she says in a tone that broaches no argument. You turn to look at her, arms crossed leaned against the counter like nothing happened. 

“Didn’t I just say you weren’t alone? I get it. I do. I’m not hurt or offended. We’re good.” She walks over to you, forcing you to release your grip, lowering your arms. 

“We’re good. Ok?” 

You nod in response, not trusting yourself to speak. 

“Let’s finish these sandwiches.” 

-

Steve spent the last week and a half on a razor edge. 

He managed to retain his composure the few times he found himself among the others. Thankfully, save for a handful of meals and some attempts to scan for Thanos however they could, everyone kept to themselves. 

Despite the commitment he made on the jet, he couldn’t bring himself to spend more than a few minutes in your presence. The one time he did, he spent most of the night blowing through punching bags. 

He’d been so fucking concerned for you. So worried your grief would be too much. You’d be lost, and he’d have failed Bucky in a way he could never forgive himself for. Clearly, after what he’d seen in the kitchen, his concern had been for nothing. You were moving on nicely. 

With one more ferocious right hook, the punching bag lost the fight. 

Huffing with exhaustion and exertion he collapses onto the padded floor of the training gym, resting his forearms on his knees. 

“We don’t have an endless supply of those ya know?” His head shoots up to see Rhodes leaning in the doorway. 

Steve pushes his sweat-damp hair from his eyes, “Seem to be the only one using ‘em so we shouldn’t run out too soon.” Rhodes nods in acquiescence, hovering in the door.

“What’s up, Rhodes?”

Rhodes sighs, “Pepper wants to go back into the city. Start figuring out what to do now.” The more time that passed the more likely it was that Tony, like the others, wasn’t coming back. 

Steve nods, “When?”

“Tomorrow.” 

It would mean two fewer people to serve as a buffer between you and him - he wasn’t even particularly thrilled to be around Natasha right now - but it was also two less to keep up appearances for. 

“You’ll let us know if we can help?”

“Of course. And if-” Rhodes is cut off as the building shudders. 

“Friday?” Rhodes asks.

“Captain Danvers has returned and appears to have a craft of some kind with her.”

He still didn’t know what to make of the mysterious woman who’d clearly been close with Fury but they weren’t in a position to be picky - they needed all the help they could get. 

Steve and Rhodes rush out, the others right behind them. 

No one speaks as Carol lands the ship and steps away. 

The ramp lowers and, Tony, supported by a tall blue woman, staggers out. 

Without a thought for the past, Steve rushes to help.

“I couldn’t stop him,” Tony says, voice rough. 

“Neither could I,” the words feel bitter on Steve’s tongue. 

“I lost the kid,” the sorrow in Tony’s eyes is like salt in every wound Steve carries. The kid. The one from Queens… 

“Tony,” the words stick, “we lost-” He doesn’t know what to say. There are too many names. Thankfully Pepper runs up, gathering Tony in her arms. 

Steve turns away from the moment just in time to see the bitter, pained, look on your face. Despite his anger, he feels his heart ache for you. 

True to form, Tony wanted to immediately know what happened in his absence. Seeing the images of all those they knew and loved - everyone he failed to save - lined up as Natasha gave the rundown made him feel like he was being crushed. 

“As far as we can tell, he did exactly what he said he would. Wiped out half of all living creatures…” Natasha says, her voice surprisingly only shaking a bit. 

Steve glances toward Carol, her eyes shining with unshed tears. 

“And what’s with him?” Tony asks, gesturing toward Thor’s slumped form in the atrium. 

“He thinks he failed,” Rocket says in a matter-of-fact tone. “Which he did. But seems like there’s a lot of that goin’ around.” 

Tony gapes at the raccoon, “You know, until this second I thought you were a Build-A-Bear.”

“Maybe I am,” Rocket says, sounding tired. 

“We’ve been scanning, trying to find him,” Steve says. He can feel Tony veering off course. It was a defense mechanism, his wit. While Steve couldn’t blame him now wasn’t the time. “You fought him Tony-”

“Who told you that?” All eyes shoot to Tony in confusion. “He wiped my face with a planet while the Bleecker Street Magician gave away the store. There was no fight-”

“Ok,” Steve tries to say gently. “But did he give any clues, coordinates, any-” Tony cuts him off with a raspberry noise. 

“Tony,” Steve is too damn tired to hide his exasperation, “we need you to focus.”

“And I needed you!” Tony swipes at the bowl of oatmeal and the glass of water sending them tumbling as he stands on shaky legs. “Past tense. We lost because you chose to leave. We lost because of-” He takes one teetering step toward Steve before his body stops, rigid. Steve looks at you, your focus squarely on Tony. 

“Enough,” you say in a low voice. Tony turns his head, noticing you for the first time. 

“Who the fuck are you?” Tony looks around for an answer. “Has she been here-” Steve can see when you release Tony, the action sending his frail body swaying. 

“This isn’t on Steve,” you say, dismissing Tony’s question. “You don’t get to come for him like-”

Tony laughs, “Oh! Oh, I remember you now. Barnes’ little-”

“Tony,” Steve says in a warning tone. Tony, ignores him. 

“Fangirl. The murderous Sinead O’Connor look suits you by the way.” Tony eyes you, waiting for a response that doesn’t come. 

“Why are you here?” It’s impossible to miss the venom in Tony’s voice. “From what I saw, your deranged-” The table begins to shake followed by a low creaking groan. 

“Ooo, spooky. This isn’t Wakanda sweetheart. We don’t harbor murderers.” You visibly flinch. Steve’s blood boils.

“Tony! What the hell?” He closes the distance in a beat, beginning to pull Tony away, but serum or not he could never be faster than Tony’s sharp tongue. 

“Isn’t that what you are? Reaper.” Tony nearly snarls the moniker Hydra granted you. The floor begins to shake. You look away like you’d been slapped. “Yeah that’s right I read-”

When you turn back you don’t say a word, just spit in Tony’s face before storming out, the tremors going with you.

“Classy new friends, Rogers,” Tony says, wiping his face with his sleeve as Steve grabs his shoulders. 

“I think you’re the one who needs a lesson in class,” Natasha says. 

“Do I? You know what,” Tony rips the arc reactor from his chest, “here.” He presses it against Steve's hand. “Why don’t the two of you take this and your new best friend and go find Thanos. See if you can do better with-” Tony doesn’t finish before collapsing. 

-

You didn’t know where to go. 

Part of you wanted to run. Leave them and all of this behind and never look back. All promises made to the dead be damned. 

But you just couldn’t quite bring yourself to do it.

Instead, you find yourself on the roof, staring out into the trees. Futility you try to calm your power pulsing in your body like a caged beast, restless and screaming for release. 

Unsure of what else to do, you let it sink into the concrete under your hands, pulling at the tiny particles until a chunk of the low wall surrounding the roof comes free. It hovers before you as you focus all your power into it, feel each tiny atom humming even in this inanimate chunk of rocks and cement. 

This time, you force your eyes open, even though your brain stutters with the effort of maintaining this level of perception - visual and whatever you could call this. The concrete begins to crumble, you feel your power plucking away at the pieces, pulling them apart bit by imperceptible. 

Deep in the recesses of your mind, you feel the hunger. It’s as though whatever the stones left behind was seeking sustenance in this strange destruction. 

Your right hand begins to tremble, the memory of losing your hold on Bucky rising fast to the surface. As your palm flattens - muscles remembering their position at that moment, desperate to return to it - you force your hand into a fist. Immediately, the floating chunk of the wall crumbles to dust. 

Dumbfounded, you stare at the heap sitting on the edge of the wall as bits are caught by the wind. Fear rises in the back of your throat, tasting metallic on your tongue. 

Thankfully, Natasha arrives before the panic fully grips you, providing a welcome distraction. 

Wordlessly she stands beside you, eyes on the peaceful scene. All you can think is that she’s standing so close to danger and doesn’t seem to notice.

“Tony passed out.”

“I didn’t-”

“No! No. No one thinks you did. I just meant… If you wanted to come back in.” You grip the wall, knuckles white, unsure of what you want. 

She sighs, “He’s really not-”

“Don’t try to defend Tony Stark to me. Not after-” You don’t have it in you to even think about Bucky.  

“Right…” The silence rises like a wall between you. 

Rather than speak, Natasha lays a light hand on your shoulder. You sigh and nod.

Rhodes steps out of the small medical room off the lab when you and Natasha make it back inside. 

“He’s probably gonna be out for the rest of the night,” he says on a sigh.

“Good,” you throw a raised eyebrow at Carol. “You guys take care of him and I’ll bring him a Xorrian Elixir when I get back.” She turns on her heel as you exchange a questioning glance with the others. 

“Where’re you going?” Steve asks, striding after. 

“To kill Thanos,” she replies without missing a beat. 

“Hey!” Natasha calls after her. “We normally work as a team around here we could-”

“We know up there is more your territory but this is our fight too,” Steve says. The slight exasperation in Carol’s expression makes you smile just a little. You hadn’t spent much time with her but you found yourself liking her nonetheless. 

“Do you even know where he is?” Rhodes asks. 

“I know some people who might,” Carol says. 

“Don’t bother,” Nebula, says. You’re pretty sure it was the first you’d heard the woman speak. “I can tell you where Thanos is.”

Nebula’s story about her father sends chills down your spine. You’d always thought parents couldn’t get much worse than your own but you were clearly way off the mark. But when Rocket pulls up the scan from their ship any remnants of cold flee your veins. 

“Hey, hey, hey. We’d be going in short-handed ya know?” Bruce cautions. 

“Look he’s still got the stones so-” Rhodes backs him. 

Carol meets your eyes, “So let’s go get him.” You nod. “Use the stones to bring everyone back.”

“Just like that?” Banner questions in disbelief. 

“Yeah,” you and Steve say in tandem. You meet his eyes. 

“Just like that,” Steve finishes. 

You’d no sooner made peace with the concept of literally going to space than you were boarding the ship thanks to Carol’s quick fuel trip and Rocket’s adept repairs. 

It seemed unreal that you were looking out at Earth. From here, just outside the atmosphere, it looked peaceful and unassuming. When the ship turned, facing space rather than the broken planet you’d just left, you felt like you could stare into that beautiful endless sea forever. 

“Okay,” Rocket begins, ending your awe. “Who here hasn’t been to space?” You, Natasha, Steve, and Rhodes, look awkwardly at one another before raising your hands. Carol catches your eye, a smirk on her face. You werene’t sure if you should laugh or be terrified. 

“Why?” Rhodes asked, his tone suspicious. Carol laughs. 

“You better not throw up on my ship,” Rocket said dismissively. 

Nebula’s countdown was hardly visible over the sound of your heart. But the moment the jump began you calmed. 

Your mind felt silent, your power, unable to keep up with the movement surrounding you, just gave up. It felt incredible, like a tense muscle relaxing. And the colors. 

Space opened up around you, an indescribeably beautiful swirl of color and light. 

It was over too soon. But on the plus side, no one threw up. 

As Carol goes down for recon you all move about the ship, nervous energy thrumming through the air. 

The planet beneath you didn’t look so different from your own. You wonder about the people there, wonder if they realized what kind of monster was hiding among them.

“There’s no one but him,” Carol’s voice relays on the comms. A whole planet. And not one other being… Anger curls in your chest. 

After Carol gives a full rundow of his location Steve relays your plan of attack. 

You’d approach in teams. You and Carol would go in first since your abilities would give you an advantage. Thor, Rhodes, and Banner would follow - the two suited men assisting in restraining Thanos whole Thor removed the gauntlet. The others would follow.

“We can’t hesitate. If he has even the slightest window he’s going to use it,” Steve says. 

“Let’s do this,” Thor responds, weilding his axe. 

On the planet’s surface you feel suddenly off kilter. That insidious hunger rising in the back of your mind, reaching for the stones and their power. It ached at the base of your skull. 

“Ready?” Carol asks. It pulls your focus away from the strange feeling and replacing it with fear as you remember the last time you faced Thanos. None of you were enough. How could this be- 

The fingers on your right hand tingle, the ghost of a heartbeat beneath your palm. 

Fuck fear. 

“Absolutely,” you say without an ounce of doubt pushing against the ground with your power, sending your body into the air.  

Carol blasts a hole through the roof of Thanos’ hut and shoots inside. You follow her down. 

The moment she has him in a headlock you push your power into him, keeping his body immobile focusing on his left arm. Rhodes and Banner join moments later, adding their strength to restrain this creature. 

Curiously, you realize that you don’t feel the pull of the stones. 

Thor arrives as planned, severing the gauntlet from Thanos’ body, hand and all. 

You release your hold on him, your power lifting the gauntlet, devoid of stones into the air. 

“No,” you breathe, an indescribable dread beginning to fill your chest. 

“Where are they?” Steve demands. Thanos only groans.

“Answer him!” Carol barks tightening her grip on his throat. 

“The universe required correction,” Thanos wheezes. “After that, the stones served no purpose…” His gaze falls to you, “Beyond temptation.” You shiver, stepping back, letting the empty gauntlet fall to the floor. 

Bruce rushes Thanos but you can hardly hear them. The room seems smaller, hotter. Your ears begin to ring, your power throbbing through your body.  

“Where are the stones?” Natasha asks in a trembling voice.

“They’re gone,” he huffs, “reduced to atoms.” 

The shock of his statement tears through all of you, a near tangible wave. 

It only holds you for a breath. 

Atoms. 

Silently you allow your power to sink into the ground beneath you. Just like on earth you can go deeper, deeper until you can feel the fabric of everything. 

You could fix this. You would fix this. 

-

Steve glances at your retreating form. He can’t blame you for leaving, no matter how much he wants to.  

The small hut is immensely oppressive suddenly. Just breathing gets harder with each second. He hadn’t had a panic attack since 1943, he didn’t think he was still capable. But right now he felt that familiar rapid pace of his heart, the tightness in his chest… It blurs the voices around him, everything growing staticky until- 

With a roar Thor severs Thanos’ head from his body in one clean swing. 

He begins to feel the panic recede to make room for the shock. Still he doesn’t move.  

“What now?” Natasha croaks. 

Steve can’t even attempt a response. Rocket begins to rummage somewhere behind him.  

“I know what I’m doing,” Steve turns to see him dragging a small crate. “Taking everything that’s worth anything.” He pries open the crate pulling out something that looks like a wine bottle. The metal top comes off with a tug and he drinks deep. “Including all his booze.”

“Toss me-” Thor is cut off by an ear-splitting crack of thunder.

“Y/N,” Steve says in barely a whisper, cold seeping into his bones. 

Carol beats him outside but he’s on her heels. The ground trembles before they spot you. 

“What the...” Carol breathes. Guilt and fear begin to stir in his gut. 

On the top of the mountain behind Thanos’ hut, you’re barely visible through a growing funnel of dust and cloud, but he knows it’s you. 

“Want a lift?” Carol asks, extending her hand. He nods. In seconds they’re on the mountain top just outside the wall of dust. Another loud boom shatters the otherwise quiet air.  

Visions of that night in Wakanda whir through his mind as he stares. He remembers your pain, your screams, he remembers the blood… and the blood that streamed from your eyes and nose when he and Okoye found you at your house… and- 

“Look out for her.” Bucky’s voice in his head once more. 

The risk didn’t matter. He had to get to you. If you tore him apart in the process so be it but he would not let another person he cared about die. 

He’d taken no more than a step in your direction when Carol’s hand tightened on his upper arm. He tries to pull free but she holds him fast. 

“Look,” Carol says with a note of almost reverence in her voice. 

“I see her! And I wo-” The words die on his tongue. 

In the air between your hands, he can just barely make out six points of light beginning to pulse like stars through the haze. Blue. Green. Yellow. 

“Dear god…” He doesn’t know what else to say. 

The others had arrived at some point, though Steve couldn’t say when. 

“Can… Is she that powerful?” Carol asks, seemingly unable to look away. 

“I don’t know,” Steve answers honestly. 

Natasha steps up beside him, “Steve should we-” Your scream cuts her off. 

This scream isn’t like the one in Wakanda. It’s not the unyielding cry of mourning. Rather this scream is one of barely restrained agony, a soldier shot on the battlefield who refuses to fall, quick but heavy. His breath leaves him in a woosh as he watches your knees hit the ground. 

Your bloody face contorts with pain. Yet your hands remain outstretched, the points of light between them beginning to form ghostly shapes. 

“They’ll destroy her,” Thor says.

Once more Steve pulls at Carol’s grip on him. 

He panics, “We can’t just let her-”

“No,” you say in a voice that is not quite your own. The awful, powerful, resonance of it shakes him to his marrow. “I can do this.”

“It’s her choice,” Rocket says. Steve looks to each person, eyes begging, but they all nod in agreement. 

Filaments of light rise from where the stones are forming like smoke. He notices as some caress your skin, leaving glowing paths in their wake. More and more touch your flesh, searing your outstretched fingertips in zigzagging lines. 

Your back arches, your hands tremble, you cry out once more as the stones flash vibrant and whole for one moment - so fast he could have imagined it - before they vanish. 

The small tremors that had been pulsing through the ground cease, the dust falls, the clouds dissipate. Suddenly the world seems darker and far too still. 

Then there was you, in the middle of a patch of barren ground, sitting back on your heels, body swaying. He’d swear your expression was serene. Something in him knows - even before you release a wet rasping cough, blood flowing from between your lips - that you’re lost. 

Everyone remains frozen, unsure of what to do. Until you collapse, breaking the spell. 

They all rush forward, pushing past him. 

He should help. 

Yet all he can do is watch, paralyzed by the realization that he isn’t sad or heartbroken over your loss. The only thing he feels toward you, as he watches Carol lift your prone form to search for a pulse she won't find, is jealousy.  

-

One moment there was only darkness. A foreign yet curiously familiar weightlessness. Peace.  

The next you felt like you’d swallowed a forest fire. 

Heat bloomed in your chest and abdomen. You could feel the flames crawling up the tiny veins of your eyes and nose, tingling in your skull. 

Gasping, you claw at your throat. Trying to understand what the fuck was happening. 

“You’re ok,” a woman’s voice said in soft tones. “You’re ok. It’ll pass.” It was Carol, one hand supported your back while the other pulled your hand away before you could break skin. 

“Xorrian Elixir, hurts like a bastard but works every time,” she offers you a weak smile. 

“What?” You croak. 

“Nothing,” she shakes her head. “That was one hell of an effort.” 

An effort. 

Not a success. 

You go numb. 

Whatever Carol had given you may have healed your body, pulled you back from the brink, even pushed your power back into its box. But everything you had left, you’d poured into that last act, that final attempt to bring the stones back and reverse this nightmare, no matter the cost. 

And you’d failed. 

There was nothing left. 

Natasha lays a hand on your shoulder, “We’re here.” It takes you a moment to realize what she means. Honestly, you didn’t even remember getting on the ship… 

You follow her out in a fog and stand a few paces away from the others numbly staring into the night sky when suddenly you find yourself tumbling through the air. 

In your present state, you don’t know how to react consciously, but your power catches you before your face meets the ground, acting like a cushion. A memory of Bucky tingles in your mind before it’s interrupted by a voice.

“Get up!” A rough voice, dripping with rage, bellows. 

It doesn’t register as Steve. Only when you roll over, leaning up on your forearms do you realize. His face looms over you, twisted with a dangerous cocktail of emotions. 

“Get up!” His hands grip your jacket, the fabric beginning to tear as he lifts you to your feet. Breaking his grip, you stumble back, unsure what to make of the situation. 

“What the-” You don’t get to finish. 

Steve’s fist cracks against your jaw sending you reeling for a split second. It wasn’t a full-force hit, you sparred with him enough to know that. That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell. 

Your power pulses over your skin just once, tingling like static. A flicker of emotion rises in your chest, pushing back on the hopeless void just a bit.

“If you’re gonna hit me, Rogers,” you spit blood from where your cheek and teeth met, “don’t insult me by holding back.” 

Roaring, he charges you. 

Everything after that was a blur. 

As it used to do years ago your power fled in the throws of a fight, that part of your mind shuttering itself lest you lose control. You preferred that. True, he was stronger than you, so your power would have helped, but you were quick, smaller, and Bucky had taught you well.  

You pay no mind to the shouts from the others to stop. Blow after blow you just keep going. Neither of you concerned about the consequences. 

Because this felt… good. There was no denying that. The taste of blood and sweat and adrenaline on your tongue. 

“What did you think you were doing?!” He managed to get you in a lock, pinning your arms against your back with your face in the dirt. 

“What the hell are you talking about?” You ask managing to work yourself free. 

“On that fucking mountain. What the hell-” You cut him off with a solid punch to the gut. 

“He said he reduced them to atoms.” It made sense enough to you. 

“And?!” He recovers but you pivot away from his next blow. “Since when can you-”

“Do you not remember Wakanda? Big fucking crater in the ground?"

You continue to dodge one another’s volleys. 

He shakes his head, “You could have died!” Steve somersaults, landing a kick to your shoulder that you weren’t sure didn’t dislocate it. You hiss in pain. 

“So what if I did?” Grimacing you force the join back, nearly screaming. He seems to notice and for the first time, you see his resolve melt, a glimmer of concern showing. 

“One life-” you pant.

“Your life, Y/N!” 

“My life for trillions.” You get his feet from under him, pinning his arms to the ground with your knees. “Same math you did in 1945.” 

He throws you off and you land in a kneeling position. White-hot rage colors his expression. 

“Oh,” you laugh bitterly, “I forgot, Steve Rogers, is the only one who gets to make the sacrifice play right?!” 

Time blurs. It may have been thirty seconds or maybe an hour before you have Steve on the ground once more, his throat between your thighs. You fight with screaming muscles to keep him down. 

“What was I supposed to tell him?” He wheezes.

The question throws your equilibrium, causing you to lose your hold. He sucks in a raspy breath, grips your thighs, lifting you up off the ground and tossing you over his head. 

You expect your power to cushion you but it doesn’t. Your hands burn as they catch your fall, the ground tearing at the skin. 

Anticipating his next move you roll to the side, barely avoiding the body blow he was about to land. He rolls in the opposite direction from you. 

“Guess it doesn’t matter,” he says as he stands, venom in his voice. 

“What?”

 It doesn’t matter because you’re a failure twice over, a voice in your head whispers. But you want him to say it, want someone to recognize it, to hold you accountable for your weakness. 

“You’re clearly moving on just fine,” he spits. You freeze mid-lunge, gaping at him. 

His voice drops low, “Call me old fashioned, but I figured you’d mourn your husband a little longer before having midnight trists in the kitchen.”

The power that had evaded you comes back in a tidal wave. It crackles beneath your skull, humming in your veins. For a breath, it’s overwhelming, the world, and its multitude of layers rising in your awareness. Then it settles just enough for you to gain control and slam it into Steve.

He sucks in a breath as your power constricts him. 

“How dare you,” you say, so low you don’t know if he can hear. You squeeze, feeling tiny blood vessels burst under his skin. 

“Do it,” he huffs, eyes locked on yours. “Do. It.” His anger slips from him with each forced breath replaced by desperation. 

You release him and he stumbles back. 

“We’re not finished, Y/N!” He screams at you as you turn away. Even without your eyes on him, you feel his rapid approach. 

With a thought you lift him from the ground in mid-stride, taking his body several feet into the air before slamming him back down with ground-shaking force. 

“Yes, we are,” you say without looking back.

TAGS

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[jamie-leah]

Love Is Not Enough

Bucky x Reader 

One Shot 

Summary: The aftermath of finding out Bucky has cheated on you 

Word Count: 2935

Warnings: Cheating, mentions of sex, violence, swearing, major angst 

A/N: I don’t normally like cheating stories but I have a lot of angst in me right now so this popped out. Enjoy Lovelies! 

Oneshot Masterlist       Series Masterlist 

“Where have you been?”, Bucky asks, arms folded looking like an angry and disappointed parent.

You walk straight past him, wobbling on your feet as you swing your shoes in your hand. You walk into the kitchen, going straight for the not so secret stash of alcohol hidden behind the cereals.

You can feel Bucky follow you and its confirmed when he adds, “don’t you think you’ve had enough?”.

A burst of bitter laughter explodes from your mouth, “I have not had nearly enough. All I can think about is you and…”.

It was enough to make you want to vomit but you swallow the bile and take a swig of pure, straight vodka. You wince after you swallow but savour the warmth spreading down your throat and into your stomach. Almost soothingly.

“Seriously Y/N, I think you’ve had enough. Where have you been? It’s 4 in the morning and I’ve been worried sick-“.

You cut him off in another burst, anger bubbling to the surface, “don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say that you were worried about me. You gave up that right the moment you stuck your dick in another woman’s vagina”.

Bucky cringes at your terminology. It makes you feel victorious for a split second, but it only serves to make you feel worse for hurting him which in turn makes you angry for still feeling anything loving towards the man in front of you.

Bucky sighs, his expression turning desperate just like it did before you stormed out of the compound, “you haven’t given me a chance to explain”.

You throw your shoes on the floor and watch Bucky close his eyes against the loud noise. You slam a glass down on the kitchen counter and pour a healthy amount of the fiery liquid before replying, “well go on then James, enlighten me, tell me how good she was, tell me how she made you feel, tell me how much better she was”.

Bucky shakes his head violently, taking a step towards you as if to stop the thoughts from strangling your soul himself. He almost reaches out but thinks better of it before heaving a sigh, “I…it wasn’t…”.

He sighs again, collecting his thoughts before looking up from the ground, “we had a party here, I don’t even remember what it was for, but it was that time you went on that recon mission by yourself. I was having nightmares again, only they weren’t about me but you. You were gone so long, longer than any of us had anticipated-“.

Your voice cuts him off again, but it’s a quiet sort of hurt and seething, “so it was my fault”.

Bucky balls his fists, “no! I just need you to understand what kind of state I was in. Every day that mission went longer than planned was a day I kept thinking you were hurt or worse and the rule was minimal contact…if anything, I think Tony threw that party to take everyone’s mind off of you”.

You take a deep drink from the glass. You remember checking in from that mission, asking Tony how everyone was. You remember the way he hesitated to tell you. The way you wore him down until he confessed that everyone was worried, that there was a sort of dark cloud over them while you were away taking all the risks. He told you that everyone’s life felt on hold ever since the mission was extended.

You remember telling him to host a party, to get everyone to have fun, let loose and stop thinking about you for five minutes. Tony refused at first, but you asked him to do it for you and he couldn’t refuse any longer. Plus, it’s Tony, any excuse for a party.

You zone back into Bucky as he says, “I didn’t want to go. I thought it was just wrong, all of us having fun while you were out there, in danger. I moped for most of it, the alcohol wasn’t even helping, it doesn’t last long enough. I wanted to have just one night without nightmares. I just wanted one night of peace and I thought Thor’s stupid drink would do the trick. I thought it would just help me black out”.

You pour more vodka into your glass, hoping for this drink to do the same before Bucky gets to the part you can’t stop playing over and over and over in your head, like a video tape stuck, like a broken record.

“I drank and I drank, and I drank some more. Everyone was dealing with their own issues, so no one was paying attention to anyone, none of us were really looking out for each other. I don’t remember getting back to our…room”.

Bucky pauses, swallowing how “our” gets stuck in his throat. He swallows a few times before continuing, “the next thing I remember is waking up from another nightmare about you, only this time there were hands on my face and soft shushing. There was a figure in bed next to me and as I was coming back from the dream there were lips on mine, and I thought they were you. I thought for a few brief and blissful seconds that you had come back to me. But she said my name and I knew it wasn’t you. I pulled away, I did-“.

“Then how come we’re here now Buck? Having a conversation, I never thought I would have to have with you?”, your voice breaks and anger floods your system to stop the tears from overwhelming you.

Bucky looks away from you, shame is written in every ridge of his body, “I…I don’t know what to tell you”.

Another gulp of vodka later has you saying, “tell me the truth Bucky, you’ve already hurt me. So just tell me the truth”.

Bucky turns away from you, as if it were too much, as if he were trying to protect you from the blow of his next words, “I was still drunk, I could feel it running through me. She started kissing me again and being touched like that, comforted like that again just helped patch over the rough. My clouded judgement thought I could pretend that it was you”.

Bucky turns back around, “when I woke up in the morning, I was sick, and it had nothing to do with Thor’s weird drink. I told her to leave the moment I could. I could barely look at myself in the mirror”.

You feel a tear slip and slide down your cheek before you swipe at it irately. You finish the drink in the glass, both of you silent for a time.

When the clock in the kitchen chimes at 5am Bucky decides to take a step towards you, “please say something Y/N”.

You sigh and breathe out, “who is she?”.

Bucky looks confused at first before shaking his head.

“Come on Bucky, you wanted me to say something. I’m asking you who she is, who this woman is and why she was worth jeopardising our relationship for”.

“Y/N, I-it doesn’t matter-“.

You throw your empty glass across the room and let the sound wash over you as your heart splinters with the glass. It rains down on the floor. Bucky doesn’t even flinch.

“Of course it fucking matters! Bucky, you slept with someone else and not only that, you slept with someone that works in this fucking building. I know that party was for employees only, it wasn’t an open invitation event!”.

You ball your fists as your stomach tightens, “she works in this building. I may have to walk past her every day, talk to her, I may even class her as a fucking friend and it makes me sick to think I could be talking to this woman and she’s touched you and kissed you and felt you inside her…”.

Another tear escapes unbidden down your cheek, but you let it fall this time, feeling the weight drip from your jaw, joining your heart on the floor.

“Please don’t do that to yourself”, Bucky says softly.

You take a step back from him, “I didn’t, you did Bucky, you did that, this, not me. And there is nothing I can say that will make you feel any better”.

Bucky goes back to looking desperate, “you think I don’t know that!? I never would have done this if I were in my right mind-“.

You point your finger at him, “that’s where you’re wrong, you should have never done this, period. If you can’t handle your drink, then don’t drink it”.

Bucky’s shoulders slump in defeat, “there’s nothing more I can say except I love you with every fibre of my being Y/N”.

You screw your face up to try and stop the wave of tears you’ve been holding back but it only serves to blur your vision as they fall anyway.

Bucky closes the gap between you, his flesh hand reaching out to swipe the tears away on both sides before cupping your cheek. His thumb strokes your cheekbone and you let your resolve crumble just for a few seconds. You close your eyes to soak in the familiar feeling that felt so much like sunshine.

You let it wash over your body and soothe the brokenness that will take you years to fix. You let it patch up your bruised heart and hug your damaged soul. You were selfish for just a few seconds before you lay a hand on his chest and push.

When Bucky can’t bring himself to move away from you, you do it for the both of you. You step away and walk around the island in the kitchen to the other side.

You pick up the vodka bottle and leave the room, past Steve, Nat, Sam, and Wanda listening in the hall. Past the room you shared with Bucky. Past even the room you used to have before you and Bucky became more.

You walk all the way down the hall, as far as you can go until you reach the last spare room. You waited until you closed the door. You waited until you took just one more gulp of mercy the vodka seemed to promise. You waited until your chest hurt so much that you couldn’t help but double over before you let the thoughts overwhelm you. Before you let the tears drown you like the sea trying to drown a sailor that dared to conquer its oceans.

------------------------------------Bonus Material-------------------------------------

Steve gives Bucky a stern look, “its spreading and if you don’t tell her soon, she’ll find out on her own and we have no idea how that will go down. At least if you tell her and we all know you’re going to tell her we can control the situation”.

Bucky nurses a coffee, not having slept since your argument, “I know that Steve, I do. I just, you didn’t see her face. She’s going to hate me even more when she finds out who it is”.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You woke up with the biggest headache known to man, but you still got up and dressed and headed for the gym. You needed to get some of these feelings out in a way that was constructive, healthy.

You could feel people looking at you on your way down and it wasn’t your paranoia, you clocked people’s eyes multiple times staring.

You ignored them as you entered the gym. But you almost retreated back to your room when you saw which recruits were there. You never got on with Adele and the group that gravitated towards her. Her arrogance and pettiness are what stops her from being a great recruit. The type of bitchy that just never grew out of her from school.

She smirked when she saw you which told you that she knew all about what happened. You suppress the urge to roll your eyes and make your way to the treadmill.

Just as you brush past her, her cheery voice booms in the large space, “I heard there’s trouble in paradise?”.

You ignore the question, stepping up on the treadmill and start setting it up. She continues, “it was a wild party, shame you weren’t there. It was nice to see all the Avenger’s let loose a bit”.

The treadmill starts up at a slow pace as you adjust the settings.

You start to break into a jog when she raises her voice an octave to be heard over the machine, “when he was stumbling out of the door, I thought it was only the right thing to do to help him”.

When the words penetrate through the fog in your brain you press the emergency stop button on the running machine. It stops immediately and so do you, your back still to her.

She knows she has your full attention now, “he could barely stand so I helped him to his room”.

In your head all you could think was ‘our, our, ours. Our room’.

“I helped him into bed, and I tell you what, I was going to leave but the moment my skin left his he whimpered. He obviously wanted me to stay and how could a girl refuse those baby blues”.

Your heart is beating hard, like a fist asking to break free of its cage. Your breathing is ragged with the struggle of keeping it back.

“I slept next to him for a few hours and when he woke up, he called for you. I couldn’t help but comfort him…and by the end of the night he was saying my name instead”.

You blinked and then you were standing in front of her, anger seething from every pore of you as you shake with restraint.

You hiss, “come on darlin’, hit me, because I’m about to start a fight you can’t win and want to give you your one and only shot before I do it”.

To your surprise she doesn’t hesitate. Her fist comes flying, catching you in the mouth. You stumble back a step and relish the feel of blood slide down your chin. It was a welcome change to the feeling of tears.

You smile at her viciously, showing your teeth smeared with blood and you fly at her with no mercy. The punch is returned twice over until you feel her nose break and the crunch echoes in the gym.

She muffles a scream as you bring a knee up to her stomach. As she doubles over you feel Steve hauling you away from her. You let him take you away because you don’t trust yourself not to stop.

“You broke my fucking nose!”, Adele’s voice comes out nasally.

You take some grim satisfaction in that fact, “be thankful that was all I broke. You come near me again and we’ll find out what else I can break”.

“Y/N!”, Steve shouts your name, chastising you like a parent. He drags you out the gym just as Sam runs down the hall.

Steve doesn’t give Sam time to talk, “go check if Adele is okay. Take her to med bay, her nose might be broken”.

Just before Sam heads off, you add, “her nose is most definitely broken”.

Sam takes off into the gym. Steve waits for the door to close before turning you around to look, “what the hell was that all about? What the hell were you thinking?”.

You poke your finger into Steve’s chest, hard, “you know exactly what that was about Steve. You know exactly what that was about and you’re lucky all that happened was a broken nose”.

“Y/N, that isn’t you”, Steve tries to reason.

“You’re right! That isn’t me. I never thought that ever would be me, I never thought this would happen but here we are Steve! Living in a world where the love of my life not only sleeps with someone else but someone I despise”.

Steve pulls a tissue from his pocket, concern etched into his features like stone, “your lip looks bad, I’ll take you to med bay-“.

Bucky’s voice shouts down the hall, “Steve? Y/N?”.

Silence stretches in the hallway, razor thin. One false move and it could cut you in two.

When Bucky reaches you and Steve, he looks to Steve first. You watch his eyes glance to Steve, then to the bloody tissue and then to you.

Alarm made him more alert as he reached out both hands to your arms, “Y/N, are you okay? What happened?”.

You look into his eyes, his “baby blues” as she called them, and your mind betrayed you. You saw his lips on hers. His fingers brushing over her skin, making her moan his name. You saw her, making him feel good, making him moan her name…

You push Bucky away with every ounce of emotion in you. It causes him to stumble back so much that if Steve hadn’t caught him, he would be on the floor, “what happened? What happened?! You fucked Adele, that’s what happened Barnes!”.

Bucky looks at you like he got slapped in the face, “I was going to tell you”.

“When? When were you going to tell me Bucky? You know what, don’t. Please just stop talking. I can’t do this-I can’t even look at you without seeing her all over you. Without thinking about you and her-. If you ever loved me, if you still love me…you’ll stay the fuck away from me”.

You walk away from them both, the silence cutting into you more than if he had called your name.

[sage-nebula]

Do NOT reblog, or I will delete the post and block you.

There are so many posts on here about “eldest daughter this” and “oldest sibling that” but there are no posts that talk about what it’s like to be the middle sibling when your oldest sibling is a complete and utter fuckup in basically every way.

I’m technically the middle child. I have a sister who’s 8.5 years older than I am, and a (technically step-)brother who’s nine months younger than I am. My brother became my brother when I was six and he was five, so the “step-” determination is really meaningless, but I added it to explain how he could be my brother when he’s only nine months younger than I am. Anyway. I have two siblings, one older and one younger, and so that makes me the middle child, right?

Well, yes . . . but also no. 

As you could surmise by the opening paragraph, my older sister fucked up in basically every conceivable way. I won’t get into her whole life story here because that’s not my story to tell (though believe me, there are doozies in there), but suffice it to say that every single choice she made is one that most parents would disapprove of. All three of my parents certainly did. And so what do you think happened when it came to me? 

I’ll tell you what happened. 

Because my older sister fucked up in every way one could possibly fuck up, there was a fear, I suppose, or a concern that I would, for whatever godforsaken reason, follow in her footsteps even though the two of us could not be more different in terms of attitude, outlook, goals, et cetera. As a result, if I did even the slightest thing wrong, the punishment hammer came down on me with all the might of Thor celebrating a delicious beverage. I failed geometry in junior year of high school due to an undiagnosed learning disability (along with undiagnosed severe depression and an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, all following years of abuse at my biological mother’s hands), and I was put under lockdown for the entire summer. I was not allowed to leave the house except to go to summer school, I was not allowed to talk to or see any of my friends, or play video games, or watch television, or be on the internet, or read, or write fiction, or do basically anything besides the aforementioned summer school and listening to music. To this day, my parents think this was a good decision on their part even though they now know about the learning disability and myriad of mental illnesses. They think it was a good call for them to punish me like they did.

And so you would say, okay, but if they punished you that severely because they didn’t want you to end up a drug-addicted high school dropout like your sister, surely they would level the same punishments against your brother, especially since you two were so close in age! Well, you would think that, but nope!

Instead, when my brother was around seventeen, he got pulled over and arrested for marijuana possession. (I think he was pulled over in the first place for speeding, but I can’t remember.) His punishment was to have his car taken away for six months. That’s it. He still had all of his other privileges, was not punished in any other way, he just could not drive for six months. He got in actual legal trouble, but he was still allowed to have hobbies.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my brother should have been punished more harshly, per se. I’m only saying there was a stark difference in the way that we were treated that my family refuses to acknowledge or own up to even to this day, and it all comes down to the fact that I was never cut slack in either direction. If I was compared to my older sibling, then the fact that she had screwed up so royally in basically every single way meant that I would be made to stand at attention so I could be yelled at for an hour for failing a math class, and then continue to be berated and insulted for how I was clearly never going to college (I have a master’s now, by the by) because of it over the next few days, and yelled at further for having “nothing to say to myself” in the face of all the lecturing. But if I was compared to my younger sibling, why, then it should be expected that he always gets off easier, because he’s younger than I am and the baby of the extended family and, well, I’m older and more mature, so I can handle it better, anyway. And I mean, I guess, for the record, true; I took my punishment in silence because as a victim of child abuse for basically my entire life I never stood up for myself against my parents back then and always just stayed quiet to try to make punishments worse, whereas he threw fits about having his keys taken away every single day for those six months, but also we have to consider how “mature” one really is if that “maturity” stems from a decade and plus some of child abuse.

Because see, that’s the thing, and what has made me really start thinking about this the past few days. I mentioned it on twitter, but a week ago I got into a fight with my mom (stepmom, the better of the two) over politics that has effectively led to her disowning me, I think, which in turn means that my dad has disowned me as well, I think, because I’m pretty sure he’s going to take her side on this one. I won’t get into the actual subject matter here, but the long and short of it is that she accused me of “attacking” her when I wasn’t, and has since then refused to speak to me, even when I tried to offer an olive branch by texting her that fine, I wouldn’t talk to her about politics, but I still loved her. She left me on Read. So the way I see it, she’s not talking to me until I apologize, and I won’t apologize, so she’ll never talk to me and I’m just effectively disowned, I guess. It’s not exactly the first time I’ve lost a parent, and actually, it’s kind of in the same way as the last time.

Fifteen years ago, I left my abusive biological mother to live with my dad and stepmom. (I’m going to keep using stepmom to keep it clear from here on out, just as I use biological mother, even though I do call my stepmom “mom” and consider her as such.) At first my biological mother kept trying to reach out with her pity party guilt tripping about how lonely she was and how much she needed me and yadda yadda, but in the last phone conversation we had, she called me a traitor for leaving her. Keep in mind, I was 15, and she was abusive to the point where the neighbors could hear every profanity and threat she screamed at me from down the street. They told me this. They also told me they always thought about calling CPS, but they never did, but whatever. The point is, on that last phone conversation, she called me a traitor for leaving her. I told her that I wasn’t. She said that I was. I told her I didn’t have to listen to that. She said I did. I said I didn’t, and hung up the phone. I expected her to call right back to curse me out . . . but she never did.

That was fifteen years ago, and we’ve never spoken since.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to speak to her. Actually, the one time it looked like it might happen (at my sister’s wedding), my Fight or Flight response kicked in when I saw her walking toward me and I bolted. I had a panic attack so bad I felt like I was going to vomit. It’s really embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true. The only time I’ve seen her since was at my nephew’s high school graduation (which is the only graduation she got to attend for anyone directly related to her, since my sister dropped out and she didn’t attend mine), but although we made eye contact I looked away pretty quickly and, again, didn’t speak to her. Again, I don’t want to speak to her, this isn’t me complaining, I’ve not lost a single wink of sleep for the fact that she never reached out again despite how my dad likes to go on and on about how she should have “never stopped trying.” (But also, he never picks up the phone to call me for a chat either, despite always telling me how I should call him, so.)

But I just can’t help but notice the similarity. Once again, I have a mother who is refusing to speak to me because she feels I’ve wronged her in some way, and if I want a relationship, then I have to be the one to reach out (even though I already did, but was left on Read, so she wants me to reach out in a very specific way that she won’t even articulate). This isn’t the first time that she (and my dad) have done this, either. When I studied abroad in London, we got into a fight over something stupid over Skype, and I hung up the call. I was 19/20, so you know, not fully mature, but expected to be. Two weeks of silence passed before I had to call them to apologize, because even though their daughter was in a completely foreign country and, hell, could’ve been dead for all they knew, they wanted to Teach Me A Lesson, with that lesson being that unless I behaved the Right Way, they wouldn’t be there for me. And I guess here we are now, about eleven years later, having come full circle with that.

And you know what? I’m tired of it. 

Because here’s the thing about being the second child when the first child is a fuckup in every way: you are expected to not only not fall into those same pitfalls, but also to excel in every single possible way. Not only in terms of grades or whatever else, but also in terms of emotional maturity and support for the parents. This veers into the abuse I experienced, I know (at least some of it), but you know how I mentioned that my biological mother kept going on and on about how much she needed me and whatnot? This is because instead of treating me like her daughter, I was instead treated like her combo maid-servant-therapist. It was my job to wait on her hand and foot when she was home, whether that was through fetching her coffee or being in charge of the refrigerator remaining operational (this sounds specific because it is; when I was about 13 the refrigerator broke and she yelled at me for a.) not knowing it was going to break and b.) not doing anything to prevent it breaking), but also she laid out all of her problems to me day after day, month after month, year after year. Do you know how many times I had to sit and listen to the “your father ran out on me after 22 years of marriage” speech? And when I finally asked her if she could stop she yelled at me because I clearly let him badmouth her but I wouldn’t let her do the same. (He actually didn’t, and neither did my stepmom. She was the only one remaining bitter.) She “needed” me because I was the emotional pillar on top of which sat her own degrading stability. The second time I told her that I wanted to live with my dad (because I told her to her face that I wanted to switch the custody agreement twice, and got browbeaten down twice, before I finally left in secret and didn’t tell her until I was already at his place), she picked up smoking cigarettes again after having quit smoking while she was hospitalized for undiagnosed diabetes and told me that it was my fault that she was smoking again, because I had stressed her out so badly by telling her that I wanted to leave. And like, one, obviously I wanted to leave, is there any question of why I wanted to leave or why that wouldn’t make me just want to leave more? But also two, the point I’m getting at here is that it was always about her, always about her emotional needs, never about mine. My emotional wellbeing was never a priority in that house. I was always expected to be there for her, that was my entire purpose as her daughter. 

With my dad and stepmom it was obviously different, and in a lot of ways it was better because, god, I hated having to be the recipient of the constant stream of stress and misery from my biological mother. My dad and stepmom had each other, so I never had to hear about their woes for the most part. But at the same time, look at what happened when I failed geometry; instead of looking into seeing if they could get me diagnosed with a learning disability, or maybe actually listening to me when I said I felt “burnt out” and pushing a little harder for me to go to therapy, my dad instead yelled at me for an hour and several days after, insulted me, told me I was never going to succeed, and put me under lockdown for the entire summer, cutting me off from my support network of friends. I came from a background of 15 years of abuse, and one fuckup a year or so later lead not to a reexamination of how I was doing, but instead a severe punishment so that I “wouldn’t do it again.” I couldn’t pass a math class in university and in my final year I finally broke and went to my parents about how I really wasn’t going to graduate college because of it, and they agreed to pay to get me examined for a learning disability which, whoops, looks like I had! And my dad still blames me for waiting for so long to get diagnosed and not telling him sooner, when the last time he found I failed a math class that summer lockdown happened. He still hasn’t put the pieces together between that lockdown and why I didn’t tell him about the math classes I failed in university. Amazing.

My point is, with my dad and my stepmom, it wasn’t so much that they used me as an emotional sponge or pillar, but rather that they were pretty much uninvolved so long as I performed adequately, and was the model daughter they could be Oh So Proud Of, but the moment I slipped, bam! Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not contact your friends. My emotional needs were still not a priority because it wasn’t about whether or not I was okay, but whether or not it looked like I was doing okay in ways that were quantifiable, such as my grades. And I mean, to be fair, I wasn’t exactly keen on opening up about my feelings at that age and I was a pro at masking how I felt and acting like everything was fine because my biological mother would berate me on the car rides to school each morning to the point of tears, and then would yell at me more about how I better clean myself up because god help me if any teachers saw me crying, which would make them think she was a bad parent and that, too, would be my fault. (Protip: Washing your face with very cold water helps clear away the puffiness around the eyes that can be a tell you’ve been crying.) But even so, again, that puts the responsibility on me to do the Right Thing so that they could be there for me emotionally as my parents, and that is just—

I’m so tired of it, man!

I have had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of one. Never. My stepmom once tried telling me that she and my dad would love me unconditionally when I was a teen and she was trying to get me to admit I was a lesbian (funny thing is, even I didn’t know I was gay at the time), and my dad walked through the living room and, not even knowing what we were talking about, was like, “No we won’t.” So that was great. But the thing is this whole thing proves that she was full of it, too. Because they tolerate me being gay (while still trying to set me up with men), but because I won’t apologize to my mom when I haven’t done anything wrong but she feels like I have, she’s giving me the complete and total silent treatment until I do. Because I didn’t perform in the way I’m supposed to, because I wasn’t The Mature One, I’m being cut off. Because it’s my job to be The Mature One, because I was always The Mature One, because I never had any goddamn choice in the matter and the dysfunctional environment I was in when I lived with my biological mother (+ my sister, her baby daddy-now-husband, and their two very young children whom I was often put in charge of despite being in middle school at the time because their parents were often too busy doing drugs and/or sleeping to care for them) required it. Because I had to be Kept In Line so that I wouldn’t end up like my sister, but also it was just me that had to be kept in line despite how close in age my brother and I were. And again, I’m not saying that I wish my brother had also been punished harshly, but more that I wish that, you know, maybe some mercy could have been doled out to me, except it wasn’t, because I had two siblings on either side to be compared to and as a result one toe out of the line resulted in a smiting.

But in the end, it isn’t even really about that. This post isn’t really about how I’m simultaneously the eldest daughter but also the second child. It’s more about the fact that I’ve had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of even one, even from the one who said I had it. It’s about how my emotional needs were never a priority for any of the parents in my life. It’s about how I basically had to raise myself and it’s a real goddamn wonder I’m not even more screwed up than I actually am because of it. And it’s also about how I really miss therapy and haven’t been able to go for a long time, and I think this rambling stream of consciousness post proves that I really, really need to find a new therapist so I can go back again, because goddamn.

Anyway, once again, do NOT reblog this or I will delete it and block you, I just needed to get this off my chest, but I need it to stay here. Thank you.

[imma-new-soul]

Friend to the Bride

Summary: When your friend Natasha is finally getting married she introduces you to everyone whose going to be a part of the wedding. When she introduces you to her friend Bucky things get a bit interesting

Pairing: Bucky x Reader, Natasha x Steve, Wanda, Scott, Sam, Thor, Shuri, Hope, Pepper, Tony (platonic)

Warning: probably spelling error cause I didnt proof read

Words: 3k (oops sorry not sorry)

It was nearly 6:30am and your plans to sleep in for once was interrupted by an annoying knock on the door. You grabbed the pillow from under you covering your face trying to block out the sound of the knocking but it just became louder and more frequent. Throwing the sheet that covered your body off and aside you placing your feet into the slippers you had kicked off before hopping into bed last night. 

Shuffling lazily through the living room you arrived at the door. Whoever was at the door was very persistent in their attempt to get you out of bed. Swinging the door open you were greeted by a way to energetic, Way to a wake Natasha Rominoff. Although she was your bestfriend you wanted to kill her for taking the only day you could get some well needed rest away from you. 

“I called like a million times what were doing?” She said shaking her phone in your face 

“ I was trying to sleep in like a normal person does on their day off, only psychos like you are up this early Nat” you say walking to the kitchen to start to make a fresh pot of coffee. Natasha grabs the pot from your hand and places it on the counter behind her. 

“Get ready we’re going dress shopping, we can pick up some coffee on the way over” she says pushing you towards your room.

About 4 months ago Steve finally asked Natasha to marry him and it was about time they were dating for 5 years and everyone figured it would never happen, even Natasha had her doubts. ever since then Nat has been going crazy planning everything herself. Her wedding dress was already picked out and she was so excited to start looking for dresses for all her bridesmaids. last week you went with her when she finally said yes to the dress and you balled your eyes out because she just looked so stunning. 

You couldn’t protest and beg her to let you crawl back in bed no matter how much you wanted to,  Besides you were her maid of honor and knew you couldn’t skip out on this. Nat waited for you on the couch while you got ready. Finally you stepped out in a gorgeous summer dress, hair in perfect curls, and pretty white wedges. 

You decided to take Nat’s car because you were to tired to drive anyway. After getting your well needed coffee you arrived at the dress shop at around 7:30am. 

“So why do we have to be here so early?” You say stepping out of the car.

“Because it’s the only reservation I could get, This place is ALWAYS booked. Now hurry up everyone’s already here waiting for us” Nat said rushing out of the parking lot heading to the entrance of the shop.

Even though you haven’t met all of Natasha’s friends you met some of the girls a few times throughout the years and they adored you. They thought it was cute how quiet and shy you were, Wanda and Shuri took an especially strong liking to you always making sure you felt comfortable and included.

 Walking into the shop you spotted the rest of the bridesmaids right away and they all got up hugging you and Natasha and took their seats back on the couch. Hope, Wanda, Pepper, and Shuri all beaming with excitement, everyone couldn’t wait to pick out their dresses. The dress shop was beautiful and way bigger than you expected. One side has gorgeous dresses hanging from the racks and a few mannequins wearing stunning gowns and on the other side was a giant red curtain dividing the room but you didn’t quite know what was on the other side. 

After about an hour everyone picked out their dresses and was already fitted, it couldn’t have gone any smoother you thought smiling at how happy Natasha was. After everyone was changed into their original clothes Natasha sighed and grabbed your hand leading you through the curtain to a separate room and the rest of the girls joined a few seconds later. The room you were now in look similar to the one before but the dresses were replaced with suits and tuxedos. Steve and a group of men you never seen before were scattered around the shop some still in their street clothes and some in there suits. You figured these must be his best-friends and groomsmen and clenched your awkwardly coming to the realization that you now had to meet new people when you were just getting use to Natasha’s friends. 

The rest of the bridesmaids walked past you greeting the men, hugs and laugher exchanged for a few minutes until Nat pulled you over so she could introduce you to the guys. You already knew Steve so there was no need for introductions. She swung her hand around Steve’s waist and started to call out their names. “This is Scott, Tony. Sam, Thor, and Bucky, everyone this is my Maid of Honor y/n” she said each of them turning to look at you.

Scott stepped towards you bringing you into a surprising, tight hug and you giggled a little hugging him back

Thor gave you a wide smile bowing his head a bit “Nice to meet you Lady y/n” he said in a low deep voice 

Sam reached out for your hand and placed a small kiss on the back of it, winking at you 

Tony was to busy checking himself out in the mirror to pay you much attention 

Lastly Bucky stepped forward towards you extending his hand out for a handshake but not making any eye contact with you. You noticed his hand was soft but sweating a bit and he cleared his throat before walking away awkwardly keeping his eyes on the floor. 

You had to admit they were a strange group of individuals but the way everyone talked and laughed with each other you knew they were one big happy dysfunctional family who loved one another to death and you wished you had something like that for yourself. After a few minutes everyone settled in waiting for the rest of the men to try on here suits. Sam strudder out of the dressing room confidently in an all black fitted suit and shiny flat black shoes. He smiled sticking out his tongue and did a dramatic spin so everyone could see him. You couldn’t help but laugh at his actions and everyone joined in clapping and whistling feeding his ego a bit. 

A few seconds later and Bucky came out in the same all black suit. His large shoulders and arms wrapped in the black material and as he turned to look in the mirror you couldn’t help but notice how good his butt looked in those pants. The suit fit him perfectly hugging just the right spots and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Natasha looked over her shoulder to see you practically drooling over Bucky, she smiled and went back to talking to Steve. 

When you were done in the shop Nat and Steve invited everyone over for lunch at their house and everyone one accepting their offer and got into their separate cars. On the ride over Natasha took one hand off the steering wheel smacked your thigh lightly to get your attention. 

“You know Bucky is single” she said smirking keeping her eyes on the road. 

“So.. what does that have to do with me?” You said squinting your eyes

“ C'mon y/n I saw the way you were looking at him” she said holding back her smile

“I don’t know what you mean” you said back to her

“Don’t give me that If your jaw was any more open it would have touched the floor” she was now smiling at you containing her laughter 

Your cheeks blushed bright, she wasn’t wrong but you hoped no one noticed. You sat there in the passenger seat not really knowing what to say feeling so embarrassed you wanted to sink right into the seat.

“Just promise me you’ll try to talk to him y/n he’s a sweet guy I think you’ll really like him.” Nat said hoping you’d say yes. You sighed a little rolling your eyes.

“ Fine I’ll try to talk to him, but I’m not making any promises.” You said finally giving her what she wanted to hear. Nat smiled childishly giving herself a mental pat on the back.

Lunch at Steve and Nat’s was a blast all of their friends were so funny and made you feel welcomed. After the meal, some people were crowded around the couch watching a rom-com that Wanda picked out and others broke off to their own little groups. You saw Bucky leaning against the wall and turned to look at Natasha nervously, she gave you a nod and you took that as her way of telling you to go for it, so you did. You walked towards Bucky till you were standing right infront of him. You had no idea what you were going to say so you blurted out the first thing that came to your mind.

“Hi I’m y/n” you said 

“Yeah I remember.. Natasha’s Friends” Bucky said in a friendly tone 

You wanted to slap yourself, of course he knew your name Nat already introduce you. You wanted out of this conversation already and it had just begun.

“Yeah” you said awkwardly nodding your head 

“ umm so how do you know Nat?” He said trying to keep the conversation going. 

“ We went to the same high school she was pretty much the only person I talked to my whole 4 years.” You said not realizing that that sounded kind of pathetic but you went on to ask Bucky how he knew Steve and he replied saying that he couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t know Steve and you found it sweet that their still so close. Surprisingly Bucky was very easy to talk to, he asked you lots of questions and you were more than happy to answer them. The two of you actually had a lot in common. He loved reading and science and watching old movies ,all the things Nat use to tease you about saying it was geeking. 

You couldn’t believe you could talk to someone who was so hot and be able to not make a complete fool out of yourself. After a few hours of talking with Bucky you started to see him as more than just a pretty face, he was interesting and sweet and very respectful. Somehow the conversation turned to a discussion about your relationship status and you couldn’t hide the blush on your cheeks 

“So are you taking anyone as your date to the wedding?” Bucky asked cautiously 

“ No I have too much stuff to help Natasha with I mean it’s not like I have anyone to go with anyway.” You say looking down and away from Bucky 

“Yeah I don’t either, if that makes you feel any better.” Bucky said laughing lightly and placing a hand you upper arm. 

Your heart started to beat fast and your skin started to heat up at his touch. You giggled a little with him trying not to let him notice how his touch was affecting you. You felt crazy for it but just in these few hours you were developed really strong feelings for Bucky. It was getting late and everyone was starting to head out and so was Bucky which disappointed you cause it felt like you could talk to him forever. So he said his goodbye to you giving you a quick hug, sliding one hand around your waist and leaning into you. The warmth of his body and smell of his cologne set tingles all down your spine. You signed and frowned to yourself watching him leave Steve and Nat’s house before you remembered a few minutes before he left he asked for your phone putting his number in it and telling you to text him whenever you wanted someone to talk to.

A few weeks past and the wedding was tomorrow. Bucky and you texted everyday, it wasn’t anything flirty you just talked about work and errands and the wedding of course. You were so excited to finally see your best friend get married but first you had the rehearsal dinner tonight that you had to attend. You were more than nervous, this was the first time you were going to see Bucky in weeks. It took you 3 hours to get ready trying to make sure you look your absolute best.

Arriving at the venue a little after Natasha you where in awe. Everything was already set up for tomorrow morning and it was breathtaking. When everyone arrived the first thing you had to do was practice your walk down the aisle with your partner. Nat figured it’ll be fine to not rehearse any of this till today because she knew no one needed much practice walking in a straight line. All the bridesmaids and groomsmen took their place wrapping their arms around their partners arms waiting for the queue. You were a bit confused you didn’t have a partner until you felt Bucky’s arm wrap around yours. 

“Hey y/n” he said with a million dollar smile. You could just melt right now! 

“Hi… umm you’re my partner?” You said a bit confused as to why he never mentioned it to you when you two had texted all those nights.

“Yea I’m Steve’s best man Natasha told me to keep it a secret, that it was a surprise for some reason.” He said still smiling at you.

You snapped your head around to see Nat waving and smiling at you giggling like a little kid. You wanted to scold her but you couldn’t contain your smile. The music started right away and as the couples started to walk Bucky leaned down to your ear 

“You look beautiful” he said leading down the aisle not giving any time to respond. 

You blushed the whole way down the aisle and you were pretty sure everyone noticed. The rest of the rehearsal went perfectly and as everyone sat at the tables to eat your mouth hurt from how much you smiled. Bucky sat right beside you telling jokes and funny stories. God he’s so perfect you thought to yourself as he went on and on. A few minutes into the meal you felt Bucky’s knee graze against yours and you bit your lip trying not to smile. Steve and Natasha was talking to everyone about the plans they had made for their honeymoon when you felt Bucky’s hand reach out and grab yours that you had resting on your lap. Your heart pounded in your chest and you let your smile spread across your face. He held your hand the whole dinner as he talked to you about any and everything 

When dinner was over, everyone started to pack up and leave. Bucky let go of your hand and stood up pulling the chair out for you to stand up. 

“Well I’m going to head out” he said you could hear the tiredness in his voice

“Ok It was really nice talking in person again” you said smile up at him 

“I’ll see you tomorrow beautiful” Bucky said leaning over to place a kiss on your cheek. 

GOD DAMN!! Is it hot in here? Or is it just you???

You were in shock. Did that really just happen? Did he call you beautiful? Gosh his lips are so soft? All these questions and thought ran through you head. That night you couldn’t sleep, you were up all night thinking about all that needed to be done for the wanting and most importantly you couldn’t stop thinking about Bucky. Morning came and you hopped out of bed ready for what was to come. You got dressed in some comfortable clothing knowing you weren’t going to be in your bridesmaid dress for another few hours. Nat picked you up and you both arrived at the venue early enough to get your hair and makeup done. 

The morning was chaotic for you, you ran all over the place making sure everything was perfect until it was time to finally start the ceremony. All yours and Nat’s work paid off everything was perfect. Bridesmaid and groomsmen arm and arm, you and Bucky where last before Natasha walked down the aisle and she was stunning. She took everyone’s breath away. You and Steve couldn’t help but tear up at the sight of her. After the ceremony was over, it was time for the PARTY. You could finally relax and have fun with your girls. 

The wedding was turning out even better then you expecting and it made your heart swell to see how happy Natasha was. After a few up-beat songs the DJ started to play slow love songs for all the couples. Every pair stepping out on the dancefloor to slow dance to the music. 

It was sweet seeing everyone in love, you watched as they cozied up to each other the women’s heads on their mans chest swaying to the rhythm. You were taking away from your thoughts when you looked up to see Bucky standing in front of you with his  hand stretched out 

“ Can I have this dance?” He said, taking his hand he lead you to the dancefloor, holding your waist with his hands. 

It felt amazing to him having you in his arms, he looked down at you with heavy eyes filled with passion. Without thinking he inched closer to you kissing you lightly, your hand wrapped around his neck pulling him in closer deepening the kiss. He pulled his head back after a few moments and spoke

“I was going to ask you this yesterday but I kind of got to nervous,… can I take you out sometime… like on a date" 

"Yea I’d like that” you said smiling at him and kissing again. 

When the song was over you looked over to see Natasha clapping for the two of you and you smiled in complete happiness 

@mushyjellybeans @sebbbystaaan

[annes-andromeda]

Ragnarök: Asgard’s Twilight

Chapter 10: Foster Through The Looking Glass

N/: Sorry that I haven’t updated in a while. Laziness got to me and school’s been giving me so much work. Anyways, here’s another chapter of Jane Foster in Vanaheim featuring Lady Sif😊

The camp was buzzing with ruckus, rock giants moving wagons of gold to the blacksmiths. They were clanging at the metals, sparks coming from their tools as they worked. There was a board where a sketch had been made for the design of Gjallarhorn. It would be large, with a small hole to blow on, and the bell would be large and extended.

In Heimdall’s tent, the Warriors Three were conducting a plan on how to retrieve the people of Asgard without any casualties “She hasn’t set the castles defenses yet” Fandral noted “With the secret passageways, we may have some leverage against Hela”

“We can’t be sure” Volstagg added “It’s as the Lady Jane said, we do not know the full extent of Hela’s abilities. For all we know, she could be holding the civilians hostage and keeping watch on us as we speak”

Heimdall shook his head “I knew Hela since she was a young girl. She is a proficient sorcerer matching the likes of Loki and an efficient combatant rivaling Thor. But she has no seeing abilities like I do”

“Hela always wanted the attention on her” He continued “And as far as we’re concerned, her attentiveness is on the throne, so that is something we could use to our advantage”

Everyone around him nodded in thought “We could send in scouts to inspect the area and ensure that we’ll be able to go in and out with no issues”

Volstagg pointed at the map of Asgard “This passage here. Near the mountain creek. The scouts could enter from here and go into the city unnoticed where they’d retrieve civilians and bring them to the camp to safety”

“I’ll make sure it’s safe to go in beforehand” Heimdall said “For now, we’ll focus on building the horn and getting the scouts ready. As for Lady Jane, I want the rock trolls to keep watch on her at every moment. I do not doubt my sister, but we cannot take any chances”

Jane looked around the long abandoned structure, her eyes lit with wonder and awe. She wished she had a camera on her to take pictures so she could show Darcy when she returned home. Whenever she’d return home.

Her eyes fixed upon two strange winged creatures who appeared to be fighting for a piece of meat. They batted their wings and flew down from the ceiling, one of them munching at the meat while the other tried to get closer. Jane kept her distance, not wanting to disturb the animals on their meal.

“They’re called Dawn Ripplers” Jane heard Sif from behind her. The woman had a bag in her hand, and she pulled out some more meat for the creatures to eat. It’s smell attracted them as they turned to her in curiosity.

Jane smiled awkwardly “I was just observing from afar”

“Don’t worry” Sif said “They are tame beasts when not provoked. Or in this case, hungry” She chuckled as she threw some meat at the Ripplers and scurried to them, using their small beaks to tear them into little pieces.

“Why are you really here, Foster?” Sif asked without hesitation

A sigh escaped Jane’s lips when the situation at hand hit her once more “I know you’re not exactly fond of me, but I swear I’m not here to cause trouble”

Sif shook her head “I never held any distain for you, Foster”

“But-” Jane began “But when I came to Asgard-“

“That was merely suspicion” Sif interrupted “There had never been a mortal on Asgard. After everything that had happened with Malekith and the Aether, everyone was edge. Including me”

With her mouth forming a small “oh” and her head nodding, Jane twiddled her fingers behind her back and said “Well...that’s good to know, at least”

There was a pregnant silence for seconds until the Ripplers made little chirps, almost begging for more food. Sif smiled and clicked her tongue, reaching into the bag and taking out a rabbit, beckoning for them. She handed it to them, the Ripplers creeping towards her and taking the meat.

Chuckling, Sif stayed on her knees watching the animals eat “I always wanted a Rippler when I was young” she said “My brother wouldn’t let me have them. Said they belonged in the wild and not in some cage”

Jane simply said “mhmm” in agreement “I guess you still wanna know why I’m here, right?”

“That would be nice”

“Well it’s...It’s not easy to explain”

“When has anything ever been”

Jane paused “Yeah ok that’s true, but this is different” Sif turned to her in interest “Back home, shortly after Malekith, I’ve been having these dreams. Not like the ones where you can’t move or speak, but sorta like the strange one you can’t understand. Almost like I’m...lucid, in a way”

Sif listened to her, petting one of the Dawn Ripplers meanwhile “Lucid dreaming is often rare here. Only those with strong minds have control of their dreams”

“Yeah well, it’s not fun back home” Jane stated jokingly “I’d always be in this endless corridor. It looked like Asgard, but I knew it wasn’t.”

She turned to make sure Sif was paying attention. When she got confirmation, Jane proceeded “Then-and please don’t laugh-, I saw this bear”

Sif furrowed her eyesbrows, all the while Jane pointed at her “Let me finish” Jane said “It was a polar bear. Sure, it was transparent, but I’m pretty sure it was a polar bear. Anyways, I’d get close to it, and every time I’m this close to touching it, I wake up”

“Hmm...” Sif said “From your description, this could be the workings of a Fylgja”

Jane blinked a few times and shook her head “A wh-A what?”

“A Fylgja” Sif repeated “They take the form of ones spirit embodied in a certain animal, often depending on whether that person’s nature is tame or not”

The dark haired woman got up from her knees and let the Dawn Ripplers fly away “From what my brother taught me,” she began “The Fylgja lead a person to their destiny or fate. Perhaps the beast in your dreams could be trying to tell you something”

“Question is: what is it?” Jane asked.

Another silence fell before them, but it was interrupted when two rock trolls strode towards the women, their steps echoing within the halls. They looked down at Jane and Sif, imposing yet clearly no threat.

One of them kneeled before the ladies in respect “Lady Foster” he said “Lady Sif. Good Heimdall has ordered us to keep watch over you should anything befall you”

“Could you tell ‘Good Heimdall’ that that will not be necessary” Sif said with her hands on her hips “I am perfectly capable of protecting Foster myself. Therefore, you are excused”

“I’m sorry, my lady” The other rock troll said “But we’ve been given orders and we must abide by them”

Sif shook her head “Gentlemen really, this will not be necessary. Besides, I do remember your finest warrior being cast down by Thor with a single swing last time he was here. What was his name? Korg, was it?”

The left rock troll put his finger up “Do not disrespect the memory of our fallen brethren!” He exclaimed in defense as Sif was taken aback “It was Lord Thor who began that fight and refused to make it fair!”

“Vanaheim was overrun with bandits and raiders!” Sif argued “What did you expect us to do? Sit and watch as you burned down villages and filled your bags with stolen goods?”

At this point, Jane had shut herself out of the conversation. She wanted to roll her eyes at the absolute pettiness of the three aliens-cause let’s be honest, that’s what they were-, but she knew it wasn’t respectful. She looked around the building awkwardly, and that’s when she heard it.

The voice.

She had heard it when she passed out after Hela pushed her off the Bifrost. It had called to her, even knew her name. The Fylgja, she thought. That must be it.

Making sure Sif was distracted, Jane went off on her own to find the source of the voice. She walked through the empty, vine covered corridors, touching the walls with her hands and listening thoroughly. The further and further down she went, the more intelligible the voice became.

Eventually, it led her to a large doorway. The doors were locked when she twisted at the knob. However, in less than a second, the voice seemed to have opened the doors for her. Jane turned both ways of the hall to see if there was anyone. Nope, all clear.

Walking in, the skylight illuminated the room, making the clear water of the fountain in the middle sparkle. It looked like glistening diamonds, and fish with white, flowing fins shined with platinum scales. Aside from the skylight, there were no visible windows and no sign of other wildlife.

Looking down, Jane could see a plaque atop the water. On it were runes unbeknownst to her, and a symbol of a tree. She couldn’t make out what it meant, but the voice called to her once more.

Speak the words, it said.

Jane could only furrow her brows “How?” She asked the empty space

The heart is a powerful tool in the face of adversity.

It sounded foolish. Practically useless. Jane really wished she had brought her phone to use as a translator right now. She had no idea what in hell the voice was talking about.

And then it hit her.

Taking her book from the small pocket of her skirt, Jane skimmed through the pages to find the one where she had studied the Norse runes. There were many that were assigned “N/A”, as much of the Norse culture had been lost. And well, Thor had been busy doing other things so he wasn’t much help either.

Her finger stopped at one of the runes, her mouth agape. Jane placed the book beneath the plaque, noticing one of the runes was the same one.

The rune that represented the heart.

Speak the words, the voice repeated.

Jane withdrew the book back into her pocket, and looked at the plaque once more. She felt like she was suddenly illiterate. But it seemed as if logic and astrophysics wasn’t going to help her with this dilemma.

So instead, she took a deep breath, and just went for it.

“ The start of a journey begins with the shore, but yet there truly is no end.

For like the heart that stays in place, the ocean does not descend”

A growl was then heard as the plaque went beneath the fountain. The rumbling grew louder, the fish swimming away from the growing passage that grew underneath the water. Jane watched as the floor opened beneath her. She stepped back, but she felt her skirt beginning to wet. The water was spilling towards her.

It turned out the passage was far bigger than she expected, and before she had a moment a react, Jane was sucked into the floor, eliciting a gasp and a small squeal out of her mouth. She braced for impact and landed on her back. Jane groaned in pain, grabbing the back of her head that had hit the stone floor. Had the fall been from a couple more feet, it could’ve killed her.

Back above, Sif was running through the corridors trying to find Jane. She was grabbing at the hilt of her sword. Just in case, should it be any of Hela’s goons trying to play a trick on her.

Jane looked around the stone walls, empty and wet from the fallen water above. She got up and tended to her dress, wiping off the rubble and dust, even moving her hair out of her face. Jane’s gaze averted to the walls once more. The fish from the fountain had swam down into the hole with her, reverting back to their regal and peaceful movements.

They grouped together and tread carefully around what appeared to be a long club of rock. Jane was confused at first, but decided that perhaps reason wouldn’t be the most helpful arsenal right now. Walking towards the wall, Jane reached for the club carefully, but then jumped when she heard a voice above yell at her.

“Lady Jane!” Sif exclaimed “Stay there, I’ll get you out!”

Jane put her hand up “No stop, wait!” She said “Just hold on!”

Sif was confused but then tensed as she saw Jane looking at the club “Jane...” She called out. But nothing “Foster, don’t! Jane, don’t touch anything!”

Jane, however, was making no attempt to pay attention. She resumed her previous action of reaching for the club, and held her breath as her hands scraped the wet and cold stone. Jane pulled at the stick, but frowned as it stayed stuck in place.

She pulled harder, even positioning her foot on the wall for leverage. Jane ignored the exclaims from Sif to stop, tugging harder and harder until the wall began to crack. The fish swam away, and all at once, the club detached from its place, sending Jane flying back as the stick landed next to her.

Sif watched the whole ordeal like a mother watching her child disobey her “Foster!” She exclaimed “Are you alright?!”

Jane got up to her feet and looked up, club in hand “Yeah...Yeah I’m fine”

“Stay there, I’ll help you up”

“Not like I’m going anywhere...” Jane muttered. She looked at the large, bulbous stick in her hand. Examining it, she could see there were now small glowing veins coming from the top. Seems like her previous action had managed to crack the stone a bit.

Above her, Sif extended her sword to pull Jane out of the hole. The passage closed up, and the fish swam in the fountain yet again. As if nothing had happened. Confused, Sif looked to Jane for an answer “Forgive me, Foster” She said “My incompetence resulted in your endangerment, and for that, I am most ashamed”

Jane smiled gently and put her hand on the goddess’s shoulder “Hey, don’t worry about it. Either way, those trolls probably wouldn’t have let me leave, so if anything, you were big help”

Sif motioned to the club in the mortals lap “I’m assuming your endeavor wasn’t for naught?”

“Yeah well,” Jane began “I have a feeling this is only the first of my endeavors”

“You heard a voice calling to you, correct?”

“Yup”

“Was it the Fylgja?”

“Nope” Jane looked up to see Sif extending her hand for her to get up, and she took it graciously “I’m pretty sure it was something else. But whatever it was, at least it helped me find this”

Sif smiled mischievously “Oh how lovely. A battering ram gifted by fish. I’m sure the berserkers would enjoy a new recruit, don’t you?”

Jane could only roll her eyes “How is it you never got along with Loki? Honestly, it’s like I’m talking to a clone”

The warrior goddess chuckled heartily “Oh how blasphemous! If anything, I’m more Thor than Loki. But then again, I’m generally more me than me”

“Yeah ok, let’s get off our golden throne now, huh?” Jane saved playfully. The two walked side by side out of the room, closing the doors behind them.

Without their notice, the doors then disappeared, leaving behind an empty wall. Inside the room, the fountain stopped running water, and the fish, almost on command, scurried together and disappeared into thin air. The room was left vacant, as if it was never occupied at all.

[justkending]

10 Years Time. Chapter 18.

Series Summary: As princess of Alberia, it is your duty to grow into a rightful young lady if you plan on ruling your family's country. Of course, the only way your father can see this happening is sending you off to a boarding camp at the age of 14 for 10 years to learn what it means to grow into a Queen. That means leaving all your friends and family behind. One specific person, your best friend, you never want to say goodbye to. But 10 years later, you come back grown into a young lady like your father hoped, and find your best friend has grown into a knightly young man. How will you two adjust after 10 years apart? Will things be the same, or will all that’s happened in that span of time affect your relationship?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark Daughter Reader

Word Count: 3900+

A/N: HAPPY THANKSGIVING to those who celebrate! I am currently making deviled eggs and turkey as we speak;) I hope you all enjoy this chapter I had so much fun making! Love you all and I’m so very thankful for each and every one of you!!!

Chapter 18:

Chaos. That would be the best word to describe what exactly this day consisted of. Lucky for Y/N, she had two very comforting and capable ladies to help her through it all. 

At one point something had gone terribly wrong with the food, something about allergies for a certain kingdom. But luckily Rebecca, Bucky’s sister, got it under control before Y/N had to mess with it. 

Then another time, something about the decorations not working how they planned. Then another with the fireworks that Y/N didn’t even know her father ordered. Then another issue with the guest list possibly not being delivered right, which ended up being a mistake and not true. A nervous new assistant looked over a few things wrong. 

And now, just about 3 hours before the whole ceremony was supposed to take place, there was word that Janet was running behind on the dress. Dear God. The dress. 

Nat was practically hyperventilating because of the supposed rumor, and Y/N and Wanda were fanning her to calm her down. 

“Nat, you know Jay will come through. She’s never let us down.” Y/N said holding her robe in place with her hair still half way done, and taking a break from the makeup artist to calm her friend. 

“B-But the dress. If you aren’t in it for the ceremony, th-then-,” Nat said through breaths. 

“I have never seen her this panicked. Nat doesn’t panic.” Wanda said with worried eyes still fanning her on the other side. 

Y/N shot Wanda a reassuring look before bending on her knees and getting to Nat’s eye level.

“Hey. Jay said she is just a little behind. Nothing to worry about. Want to tell me what the real issue is?” She said placing her hands on Nat’s.

The green eyes shot at her, and Y/N could see the worry and anxiety bouncing around in them. 

“If I remember correctly, this is my day to be nervous and anxious.” Y/N said with a laugh trying to lighten the mood. 

“Yes, but-” Nat paused not sure where to go with the thought. 

“But what? Talk to us.” Wanda said joining Y/N on the lower level. 

The other red head took a deep sigh before closing her eyes. “I just want everything to be perfect for you Y/N/N. You’ve worked so hard for this and everything has to be just right.” she said in almost a defeated tone.

“Oh, Nat.” Y/N said moving closer and squeezing her friends hand. “Nothing is every going to be perfect. Do you know how many bumps we hit along the way to get here? A lot. But that’s what’s making it all the more special.”

“But-”

“No. No but’s. We’ll be fine. Everything will work out how the world intends for it to. If that means a disaster here and there, then so be it. We have yet to not come out on top before. We aren’t going to start now.” Y/N smiled pulling Nat up from her seat. “Now, what do you say we finish my hair and make up so that when the does get here, we are on schedule?”

“What if it isn’t-”

“It will be. I have full faith in Jay. And if not? Then we will be fashionably late to the party. Quite literally.” Y/N giggled pulling Nat in for a hug that she took without a second thought. 

“Awe! I love you guys!” Wanda jumped in excitement before throwing herself into the group hug.

As if in perfect timing, just as they were finishing the last touches of Y/N’s hair, the knock on the door signaled Jay. 

“Hey girls. You ready for the next part of the make over?” she smiled walking in with the dress under wraps. 

“Oh thank God!” Nat said, letting out a sigh as Wanda clapped next to her jumping on the balls of her feet. 

____

“Did you guys get to spend a good chunk of time with each other last night?” Bucky asked as they checked the guards station since the party was just an hour away. People already showing up early. 

“Yeah, we did.”

There was a pause as Buck waited for Steve to continue, but that’s all he said. 

“Ok, and…” he probed nudging his friend. 

“And what Buck? What are you trying to get out of me?” Steve chuckled. 

“I mean nothing specifically, but you’re being quiet. Did something happen?”

Steve looked at his friend knowing he could read him like a book. He rolled his eyes, and tried to ignore it, but Bucky just waited staring at him and making him more uncomfortable. 

“She brought it up again ok! You got me!” Steve groaned throwing his hands up. 

“Steve, why don’t you believe her?”

“What-”

“You would make a great King to the throne. I don’t get how you don’t see that-” Bucky started in a soft tone so that no one would hear.

“That’s not the only issue.” Steve groaned not happy about doing this conversation yet again. 

“Then what?” Bucky said also annoyed at having to try and convince Steve the same thing Y/N was trying to. 

“I don’t know…”

“Clearly you know.” 

“Drop it Buck.”

“No, why are you so freaked out about this?” 

“Buck-”

“I’m not dropping it. Neither will Y/N until you get it through your thick head that you are more of a man than you think you are-”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be enough for her! Ok!” Steve shouted luckily away from everyone making it just them. Bucky stood back shocked, but let out a sigh. 

“So, some other guy is?” Bucky asked making Steve’s dropped head snap up.

“What? No. No guy is good enough-”

“Ok, so wouldn’t you rather you be with her knowing you are giving her your all, or would you want some rando that you know for a fact wouldn’t?” 

“Of course I want it to be me. I would give her the moon and the stars if she asked me to.” Steve said almost offended that Bucky would think he would have it any other way. 

“See? You two were made for each other. Neither of you think you are enough for the other, even if that’s far from the truth, but you try and show each other that you would do anything for the other no matter what.”

“But-”

“Get out of your damn head Steven. She loves you. You love her. She wants you by her side for the rest of her life. If that means as her king, than take the damn position. It’s not that hard.” Bucky rolled his eyes throwing his hands up. 

“What if-”

“No what if’s. Do you love her?”

“Yes.” Steve said without hesitation.

“You would do anything for her? Death included?”

“Of course! Why do you even have to ask?” he shouted again only getting a laugh out of Bucky. 

“Because apparently you can’t get it through your head that she does deserve someone like you. No less, punk.” Bucky said placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder. 

Steve wanted to fight him on it, but he made a good point. If there was anyone that he believed Y/N deserved, it was someone who wanted to treat her like he wanted. As the queen she was. No. The goddess she was. She deserves everything he could offer and so much more. The only person that he knew would strive to give her just that, was him. 

___

“Ok. We are all ready.” Janet said stepping back after making the final adjustments. “Wanda, can you grab me the crown?”

“Yes ma’am.” Wanda nodded going to get it from the case it was in. 

“You look stunning Y/N. Words can’t express how breathtaking you are.” Nat smiled folding her hands in front of her. “You somehow managed to pull of this look better than your coming home party.” 

“I’ll be honest. I didn’t think you would ever be able to top that outfit off Jay, but here we are. Somehow one step up from the last.” Y/N said admiring the details of the dress around her in the mirror. 

“Well my dear, if you could see the visions of dresses I have for you in my head, you would be taken back by how much I can do.” Jay smiled.

“I already am.” Y/N winked. 

“Here we go.” Wanda said bringing the crown to the back of her head. Nat coming to help adjust it to where it needed to be. “Oh, and it goes perfect with the hairstyle Nat did!” Wanda said all giddy. 

“Oh, Jay. This-This is stunning. How did you-?” Y/N said watching the piece come together with the rest of the attire in the mirror as her ladies positioned it just right. 

“You’re secret admirer gave me the idea.” Jay said coming to her side and placing her hands on her shoulders as they admired the work together. “You are everyone’s sunshine even if he claims you as his own.”

Y/N was close to tears. She had a piece of Steve with her through the necklace that still lay on her chest, but the crown was perfect for Steve’s nickname for her. It was all just so… Perfect.

“Now, no crying. You’ll ruin your makeup.” Jay said patting her shoulders before wiping a few stray tears of her own. “We need to get you down there. We are running just on schedule to not be late.”

“Yes, ma’am.” All three girls said trying to push back the tears. Only laughing at each other from the shared emotion. 

“Let’s do this your majesty.” Wanda said extending her arm on one side while Nat did the same on the other. 

“Let’s do this.” Y/N said taking in a deep breath and linking their arms. 

___

“So you’re Prince Summers?” 

Scott turned at the deep voice to see a long haired blonde with deep blue eyes, and another man next to him with black sleek hair and lighter blue eyes. 

“Yes, that would be me.” he said with a smile and straightening his posture. 

“Nice to meet you. I’m Thor and this is my brother Loki. We’re the Princes of Asgard.” Thor said with a friendly smile while Loki gave his signature mischievous one. 

“Right. I’ve heard about you two. Y/N said that you are of one of the top alliances Alberia has.” Scott smiled extending his hand. 

Thor took it seeing that Scott was actually a kind man, but still kept his grip tight showing his dominance. 

“Yes. We’re neighboring kingdoms with Alberia. We grew up and were raised with Princess Y/N.” Thor said never breaking eye contact. 

“We would do anything for her.” Loki added. 

“Well, I’m glad. The Princess is a very special woman, and I’m glad to have made such a friend in her.” Scott said shaking Loki’s hand next. 

“Right.” Loki said with a twerked brow. “Now Scott, you do plan on keeping the agreement with Princess Y/N after this alliance is signed correct?” Loki said not letting go of Scotts hand. 

Scott looked down at the contact and caught onto what was happening. 

“Of course.” he said with only genuine looks. “Y/N said that you two were like her adopted brothers. Always keeping an eye out for her.”

“That or taking an eye out for her.” Thor shrugged his shoulders with the same smile on his lips that was now coming off as intimidating instead. “No one hurts our little Y/N. No one.” he said the last line with his smile gone.

“O-Ok…” Scott said noticing his hand was still being shook by Loki, and the grip was getting tighter. 

“Prince Scott.” A comforting voice said coming from behind the three men. 

They turned at the noise, and once Loki saw Y/N approaching them with a raised eyebrow and a smirk he dropped the hand. Scott bringing it to him and massaging the pain from the grip. 

“I hope that these two brutes are treating you kindly.” she said with her looks directed to Thor and Loki even though she was talking to Scott. 

“Uh, y-yes…” Scott said, but he was distracted by the appearance of Y/N. Just like all the other men in the room were. 

Who wouldn’t be? She was wearing a stunning dress that was mainly red and gold, the colors of Alberia. It had a stunning neckline with details and jewels shining all kinds of different colors. Same for the train of it. Caught in the right light, the mirror like jewels that looked like quails almost gave a rainbow kind of gleam to it from the light reflection. 

Her makeup was done simple, but elegant. Her eyeshadow being a metallic gold, her lashes voluminous and bringing attention to the specks of color in her eyes, and her lips stained a dark ruby red. 

To pull it all together, the crown sitting on the back of her head looked like rays of sun sprouting from her. As if each one represented a piece of light that she shined on the kingdom. 

She was superior to any other woman. The natural beauty she had was jaw dropping and the three men in front of her couldn’t seem to form a thought let alone a sentence of her presence. 

“You boys are playing nice I hope, right?” She said coming around to stand by Scott, and the men’s eyes followed her. 

“Y-Yes, of course we are.” Loki stuttered out elbowing his brother. “Right brother?”

“Y/N, you look absolutely amazing.” he said not answering Loki.

“Thank you Thor.” she giggled at their wide eyes. “You two look as handsome as ever too. You as well Prince Scott.” she said turning to him, and watching as he shook his head out of his thoughts. 

“Wh-Why, uh,” Scott coughed to try and compose himself. “Why didn’t they announce you? I figured they would announce your entrance so we could get the ceremony started.”

“No one else was announced. Why should I be?” she shrugged placing her hands in front of her and interlocking her fingers. 

“But you’re the whole reason for this ceremony.” he added. 

“As are you. Were you announced?” she said back with a smirk.

“Well, no, but-”

“See? No need to be center of attention from start to finish. Everyone will see us eventually. I mean, we are signing a pretty big contract tonight.” she winked. 

He let out a small laugh as she gave him a friendly smile. 

“Pretty big turn out. It’s crazy actually.” Y/N said looking around. “I guess we should be making our rounds, hmm?”

Scott snapped out of his thoughts once again, and extended his arm. “I guess we probably should.” he smiled. 

“Boy’s I’ll be seeing you at the after party correct?” she said to the brothers who hadn’t taken their eyes off of her. 

“If you mean our friend group staying up late until the sun comes up? Yes. You will see us there.” Loki answered. 

“Perfect. Enjoy the party. King Stark really went all out this time.” she winked before being escorted by Scott through the crowd. 

___

Y/N and Scott made their rounds for about half an hour. Explaining to those that were still lost on the concept of what the whole evening was about, and doing their best not to get annoyed when they were asked about the hundredth time why they just weren’t getting married instead. 

Of course, Y/N’s did her best to hide her snarky remarks when the older groups said that it was just insane and just a young person’s mistake to be making. The Tony Stark in her really wanted to come out, but with a squeeze on the arm from Scott, she bit her tongue. Something Tony never learned how to do. 

Throughout the time, she was trying her best to find Steve, or Bucky and Sam at least, in the crowd. The whole time though, there was no sight of any of the knights that were her friends. Maybe they had some problems with the guards to take care of. 

Then just as her patience was running dangerously low with some of the guest still prodding about the reason for the night, trumpets played calling everyone’s attention to the stage. 

“Ladies and gentleman, King Stark.” the announcer shouted. 

Tony made his way up. Completely decked out in jewels and the best royal cape a king could wear. The crown on his head the biggest and most eye catching one he had. He was really showing off for his country. Why shouldn’t he?

“Wow. A great turn out. Thank you all again for coming tonight, and I hope you’re all a little buzzed for what’s to come. If not, the drinks being passed out are free so I have no idea what you’re doing.” he smirked getting a laugh from the crowd. “Tonight isn’t about me though, like we’re use to. I would like to invite my daughter Princess Y/N Stark, and Prince Scott Summers up here so we can get this ceremony rolling.”

Lucky for Y/N and Scott, they were in the middle and not far from the stage, so it was easy to maneuver once everyone moved out of the way. 

“There they are!” Tony said gesturing to the two, and everyone applauded. 

Once on stage, the two broke apart and waved at the mass of people in front. Y/N keeping her eyes out for Steve still. She found Nat and Wanda  at the foot of the stage, close as always. She saw Morgan, Peter, and Shuri over by the food table talking, but still looking her direction. She saw Thor and Loki were talking to some other princes before turning toward the stage. She saw Peitro and Carol off in the distance, but no Clint, Bucky, Steve, or Sam. All the head knights nowhere in sight. 

“Y/N, I’ll let you explain the events of tonight.” Tony gestured patting her back and walking to stand on the side by Pepper. 

“Right.” she smiled, taking a deep breath and turning to Scott who gave a reassuring smile. “As you all know, tonight is not like most alliance forming type ceremonies. And if you don’t know that, then we have some news for you.” the crowd chuckled, but she saw the older couples/ rulers roll their eyes. “Anyway, I just want to reiterate what exactly is going to be taking place tonight.” She took a deep breath all of a sudden nervous. She was about to do something not many people dare to do because of how out of the ordinary it was. 

But just as her heart stuttered, she looked in the back seeing new people coming in the ballroom. How she saw them, she wasn’t sure but she knew who they were nonetheless. 

Steve, Bucky, and Sam had finally arrived and were walking in watching every move Y/N made. Giant grins on Bucky and Sam’s face. Steve on the other hand had a smile full of pride and admiration. Something he had on the nights on the roof, but somehow about 100000x brighter. 

Like all the air in her lungs had been replaced by Steve’s, and all the nerves had been replaced by his pride, Y/N straightened her shoulders and began her speech. 

“Many of you tonight have asked what the whole deal was. Why I decided to rule without a king arranged to rule by my side.” She sighed putting her hands together. “Because as amazing as Prince Scott here is, I felt as if if I can’t rule my own kingdom without someone's help from the outside, I shouldn't rule at all. But I know I can. I know I can do just that and marriage isn’t going to help me do it. My own brain, my own thoughts, my own strategies and understandings of this kingdom that is my home, is what is going to keep us growing and becoming stronger. I of course have the help and power of the kingdom’s people with me and I’m excited for this journey and the change that is to come.” she smiled getting a few new smiles from those that were hesitant before. “I ask the same thing that I asked the Summer’s family who has been nothing but kind this whole time.” 

She smiled at the family that was on the other side of the stage and returned it. 

“I ask that you all go into this open-minded, understanding, and positive. This is a new way of things for this time, and I believe change is the only thing that is going to keep us persevering and thriving through the future.” She paused finding Steve’s eyes again. The pride somehow still growing. “It’s ok to dive in head first and not know what to expect. It’s ok to be unsure of things. But what we have to understand, is there is no growth in just standing in one spot. We have to move forward and go all in.” 

She smiled seeing what almost looked like a gloss in Steve’s eyes at her words. Without noticing it, she too had the same gloss. 

A few moments passed before Scott put a hand on her shoulder and nodded seeing she needed a second. 

“She stole all the words I could possibly try and explain with, and made it about 1000 times better.” the crowd laughed. “Which is why I know Y/N will do amazing things. I agree completely with the princess. Because of that, I am happy and very excited to be a part of this change.” he smiled at Y/N who gave a soft smile trying to reel her feelings in. “I won’t bore you with a speech from me. Y/N is a hard act to follow, and like I said, I couldn’t have said it better than her. So.” he turned to the crowd grabbing Y/N’s hand and moving her up with him. “Shall we begin the signing?”

The crowd cheered and the couple raised their hands before moving back where advisors and lawyers were bringing the treaty to the families. 

The lawyers went through the agreements that were compromised and to be met with the signing. Taking a good amount of time to explain it out to the crowd.

“Are you all ready?” the head guy asked and motioned to both families. 

Y/N turned to her father seeing any sign of nerves from the past 2 months, completely gone. Instead replaced by how proud he was of his little girl. She was a stunning copy of her mother and in that instant, he was almost 100% sure the he saw her there right in Y/N. In a flash, his daughter was back making him honored to be next to her. 

Y/N gave a nod to her family seeing that Morgan had joined them at some point in her speech. She turned to Scott seeing him smile and offering his hand. 

She took it and they both grabbed a pen ready to sign. 

“Here and here.” 

The two signed where asked a few times here and a few times there. Then. It was done.

“I now pronounce, the Kingdom of Alberia and Turan united in a signed alliance,” the advisors said together as the princess and prince raised their joined hands.

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[imagine-loki]

Ragnarok

TITLE: Ragnarok

CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 1: King of the Dumpsters

AUTHOR: traveling-classicist

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine you take care Odin when he was homeless on Midgard (based on the deleted scene from Ragnarok). You take him in and listen his crazy stories about Asgard and Thor thinking he’s just some crazy hobo who needs help. Then one day, Thor and Loki break into your apartment looking for their father. Hela returns in your living room and insanity ensues.

RATING: T

AO3 Link: Here

NOTES/WARNINGS: Mentions of homelessness and mentions of alcoholism in this chapter

————————————————————————————————–

Theo jockeyed through the crowd of pedestrians on the sidewalk. She had a skip in her step. She was finally ready. After Jacob moved out and she cleaned everything up in her apartment, she was finally ready for a new roommate and she knew just the man. As she reached Hell’s Kitchen, she started looking down the side streets and alleys, looking for him. This is where he liked to hang out. With Times Square and Broadway so close by, there were plenty of generous tourists to give him money or leftovers or even the occasional beer.

            She was beginning to worry as she walked further down the streets. She hadn’t seen him yet or any pedestrians running away screaming, which was often a good sign he was nearby. She hoped he hadn’t been picked up again. The poor guy did not need to spend another night in jail. Sometimes this city was so cruel to its people, even the most unfortunate of them. Mostly the most unfortunate of them. She glanced down an alleyway and was relieved to find him digging through a dumpster. She walked towards him.

            “Finding anything of use, today?” she asked. He was halfway in the dumpster, only legs sticking out. He jumped when she spoke and fell into the dumpster.

“Go away! This is the domain of Odin, King of the Dumpsters!” the old man shouted, his voice echoed in the dumpster. Theo walked closer. Standing on her tippy toes, she looked inside. She ducked just in time as a half empty bottle of whiskey sailed past her head. She crouched down beside the dumpster, putting her hands up to cover her face, as it slammed into the brick wall behind her, shattering and spraying whiskey all over her.

“Odin! Geez, you could’ve hit me!” she shouted at him. “It’s me, Theo! We talked about this; you can’t throw things at people. Wait, did you say, King of the Dumpsters?” Theo said, putting her hands on her hips.

“Mimir told me to use it. He said it was fitting,” he said, rising up from inside the dumpster. He wore a tattered red jacket and layers of stinky, dirty clothes. He wore the hat she had given him. His eye was still covered in grimy bandages. His breath stank of alcohol again. “You interrupted me, Theo. I was attending to very important, kingly, business.”

Theo’s expression fell flat. “In the dumpsters?”

“You don’t understand, girl. I have a kingdom to run.”

“Is that right?”

“I thought perhaps you might be the Einherjar. That’s the last thing I need is them, hauling me off to the prisons again.”

            “You mean the police?”

            “Oh, yes, that’s what you call them.”

            “Come on, you crazy old fart, you’re coming with me today,” she said, trying to help him out of the dumpster.

            “Oh, no! I’ve got a full day ahead of me. I’m meeting with the council on 47th street,” he said, turning around in the rubbish, looking for something.

            “Is that right?”

            “Yes. They need to know that the streets of Asgard are becoming very dirty. Look at all this rubbish! Can hardly walk anywhere.”

            “Right. Well, you are in a dumpster—”

            “And then, Mimir was telling me about the kitchens on 45th street. Apparently, they’re dumping a lot of good food out in their dumpsters. But I must stay away from that Thai food this time. Just like Vanir cuisine, that is. All those spices. Burns just as hot coming out the other end!”

            “I don’t need to know that—”

            “And then, my son is supposed to be coming soon. You know, I’ve told you. Thor? He’s coming to get me.”

            “Odin, please,” she said.

            “No! No! I know he is this time. I can feel it. That or the leftover curry I had last night. I can never tell the difference,” he said, rubbing his belly.

            “I think it’s probably the curry. Will you please just come with me?” she pleaded.

            “No, no, no. I’m busy. A king is always busy. Busy, busy, busy.”

            “Yes, I know but there’s a Nor’easter coming in tonight, and I don’t want you out here in it. Please, come back to my place. I have a free room now.”

            “Woman, I’m fine! Look,” he said, nimbly hopping out of the dumpster to Theo’s surprise. He walked to a stolen shopping cart and pulled out the sleeping bag she had given him months ago. “I have the blanket you brought me and the coat and the gloves and the hat and the scarf and the boots,” he said, pointing to each item in turn. “I’m sure I’m ready for any weather Midgard can throw at me.”

            “No, Odin. Those are good for when it’s cold like this, but it’s going to get worse tonight. The shelters are already full, and I knew you wouldn’t go to one. Jacob’s moved out now. He got a job as a janitor and his own place in Jersey, so the room’s free now. Please, come with me.”

            He looked up at her with his single, blue eye. He seemed to look right through her at the brick wall.

“Please?” she said, with a smile. A smile crept across his face.

            “Theo! It’s good to see you!”

            “It’s good to see you too,” she said, pretending he had not just forgotten their conversation. “Odin, I have a free room now. It’s yours, okay, come on!”

            “A room? Oh, you mean chambers!”

            “Yes, chambers! And their all yours. Come on!” She quickly took his hand before he could change his mind and led him out of the alley. They walked a few blocks, Theo making sure Odin stayed right with her.

            They passed shop windows and brightly lit theaters, restaurants lined with diners and cafes teeming with hipsters. Odin looked inside each window as if searching for someone. Theo took his arm to keep control of him. He turned to her and frowned.

            “Where are we going?”

            “We’re going to my apartment, remember? I’ve got your chambers all set up for you.”

            “Oh, no, no, no. I’m very busy today,” he said, pulling away from her. “I have to wait for Thor, that’s what the Doctor said. ‘Wait for Thor,’ he said. And I have to meet with the council to discuss these filthy streets. And—”

            “I’ve canceled your plans; you need a bath,” she cut him off before he could come up with some other excuse.

            “I had a bath yesterday,” he said, folding his arms like a child reporting to his mother.

            “Which yesterday?”

            He shook his head a moment. “Oh, a few yesterdays ago. I can’t remember.”

            “Alright, so you need one. And you need a good meal that’s apparently not Thai or Indian,” she said, taking his arm again and continuing up the street.

            “Oh, and beer! Do you have any beer?”

            She frowned at him. She knew he had an alcohol abuse problem that she did not want to encourage. She didn’t really blame him after everything that had happened to him. Abandoned by his family and the nursing home that had been caring for him, he had nothing else to turn to; no one else to turn to. Until she had met him, that is.

            “I may have a little bit of beer at home but there’s some rules, so you’ll have to wait.”

            “Oh, alright,” he said, gruffly.

            They continued up 8th Ave towards the park. The air was cold, and the wind nipped at their faces. The storm was set to hit them that evening, so Theo knew she needed to get Odin settled quickly.

            “Oh, look, a park,” Odin said.

            Theo couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, that’s Central Park.”

            “How quaint. You know, I love the way you Midgardians rope off nature like this. Build up all around it like you’ve conquered your little world and made it yours.”

            “You don’t get out of Hell’s Kitchen much, do you?”

            “You mean ‘Hela’s Kitchen’. I was waiting for my son there.”

            Theo smiled and shook her head. Odin was known around the streets as the crazy hobo god. He thought he was the Norse king of the gods. He always talked about Asgard and Midgard and his son, Thor. Like the Avenger Thor. No one believed him, of course. The poor old man was suffering terribly from dementia and probably schizophrenia as well. Theo had caught him several times talking to the air, speaking to someone called Frigga.

            They cut across the park, taking some winding trails past ponds and huge trees and massive rocks. Odin looked around as if dazed.

            “This doesn’t look like the city?” he said.

            “We’re still in the city, silly. We just cut across the park. Central Park, remember? We’re going to my house.”

            “You live in here? In the woods?”

            “No!” she said, laughing and taking his arm. “I live on the other side of the park! Over there, see that’s the Met, I’m across the street and down a ways.”

            “Oh, I was beginning to question your choice of a homestead.”

            “You are so funny.”

            “Am I?”

            “Yes.”

            “I don’t think anyone has ever described me that way.”

            “Well, they’re clearly mistaken.”

            They crossed in front of the Met Museum and walked down the street. The buzz of 5th Ave faded behind them, as they crossed into a quieter neighborhood. Quieter for New York, at least. Theo unlocked the front door of her apartment block and peeked inside. Her landlord didn’t like to see non-tenants in the building and he definitely didn’t like Theo’s homeless friends. Determining that the coast was clear, Theo led him inside.

            “Why are we sneaking?” Odin whispered, harshly.

            Theo snickered. “We have to steer clear of my landlord.”

            “Oh, very well.”

            She pressed the button for the elevator and waited. When it came to the ground floor, the doors opened smoothly, revealing her sleek-looking landlord, Alex. Her heart sank. Now, she was going to hear it.

Alex looked at her with contempt and then raised a brow at Odin.

            “Bringing your little friends back again, Theo? You know, we talked about this. I’ll have to put another strike on your—”

            Theo interrupted, “This isn’t one of my ‘little friends’. This is… my dad.”

            “Your… dad?”

            “Pleased to meet you, my lord,” Odin said, extending his hand.

            Alex recoiled a little. “Eh, hi. How long will he be staying?”

            “Well, that’s not really any of your business, now is it?” Theo said, glaring at the tuxedoed hipster. “You’re a landlord of an apartment block, not the manager of a hotel. May we get on, please?”

            “Just make sure he doesn’t bother anybody,” Alex said.

            Theo rolled her eyes and pushed past him, leading Odin in by his hand. Alex stepped off the elevator and watched them as the doors closed. Once they were closed, Theo flipped him off.

            “Well, that’s very rude, young lady. He seemed like a nice young man,” Odin said. “He’d be a very good match for you, I think.”

            “Pfft. I don’t think so. Guy’s a prick,” Theo sighed. “And if he knew who you were, he’d kick you out on the streets in this storm without another thought.”

            “Well then, he is clearly very skilled in illusion, because I thought he was quite nice. You know, my other son is good at magic.”

            “You mean Loki?” Theo asked, shuddering a little at the thought of the man that had caused her so much grief.

            “Mmm. He was a strange boy but a good sorcerer. He had Frigga to thank for that. She loved him so much.”

            “Right,” Theo said, rather shortly. She didn’t want to hurt his feelings but she did not want to talk about Loki, even the fake one Odin liked to talk about. She had assumed he was another who was traumatized by the Battle of New York. Traumatized to insanity.

            The doors opened onto the 14th floor and they stepped out. The hallway was pristine and white, radiating a modern architectural aesthetic. Theo led him to her apartment.

            “Okay, so we live in apartment number 1414. See?” She pointed to the number on the door.

            “One thousand four hundred and fourteen people live here? It looks so small.”

            “Welcome to New York,” Theo said, opening the door. Her apartment was as crisp and clean as the hallway. Wooden floors gave way to sleek, white walls and gray concrete. A great wall of windows gave them a lovely view above the surrounding buildings and just a bit of the park. She had house plants lined up on shelves along the windows. A small table and chairs took up one side, while a petite kitchen took up the other. The living room was made up of a couch and a few armchairs surrounding a coffee table. One whole wall was lined with a great, black bookshelf that stood from floor to ceiling, packed full with books.

            “Come on in,” she said to Odin.

            “Well, this is very humble,” he said, looking around with a smile.

            “Beats sleeping out in the cold.”

            He took her arm, gently. “Thank you, Theo.”

            She smiled at him. “You’re welcome. Come on, let’s get you settled in.”

            She walked over to the kitchen and opened a cupboard. It was lined with boxes and cups filled with various toiletries in neat packaging. She pulled out a toothbrush and a little tube of toothpaste, along with some hotel-sized shampoo and conditioner bottles and a bar of soap.

            “Let’s see, here’s some shower stuff. There’s a towel and washcloth in there already. Here’s a toothbrush and toothpaste. Do you want to shave?”

            “Shave? This beard? What would people swear to, then? They can’t say ‘By Odin’s Beard!’ if Odin has no beard!”

            “Alright, alright! No razor, then. Geez, men are so possessive of their facial hair. Here, at least take a comb and comb it out. Your hair, too.” He took the comb and toiletries and grumbled to himself. “Wait, wait! Don’t go yet! I’ve got new clothes for you too. Hold on.”

            She ran to a closet by the door and pulled out a shopping bag. She gave it to Odin. He stared inside for a moment and then looked up at her with a tear in his eye.

            “Oh, now don’t do that, or I’ll start crying,” she said, trying to choke back tears.

            “Why are you doing this for me? A mad old man in the streets.”

            “Because you’re my friend.”

            He looked down at his feet. “I don’t deserve your kindness.”

            “Oh, that’s nonsense. Go on, go shower so you’ll feel better. Second door on the left.” She pointed down a hallway that led away from the dining room table. He shuffled off and closed the door. A few moments later, Theo heard the shower turn on.

            “Phew,” she sighed. She’d finally gotten him to come with her. It wasn’t the first time she had offered Odin her spare room. Practically every time it became available, she would go to him first. He always gave an excuse about going to some council meeting or going to observe the kingdom or the armory or the weapons vault or whatever crazy excuse he could come up with. She just chalked it up to his age. People of his generation were so stubborn when it came to accepting help from others.

            She had bailed him out several times after he had been picked up for public intoxication or aggressive behavior or petty theft from dumpsters. The police had no other contact on file for him, so they normally just called her to pick him up. He was a drunk, sad, old man. She felt bad for him.

            She turned to the kitchen and started pulling out pots and pans to make dinner. The skies were starting to darken, and tiny snowflakes were beginning to fall. She wished she had more rooms to take more people in. She had been doing this for a couple years now and had helped many people get back on their feet or find help. But when winter came, she always felt bad for not being able to do more.

After a while, the shower stopped, and Odin emerged in his new clothes. Theo had gotten him a few outfits: a flannel button down and some jeans, some sweatpants and a sweatshirt, and a nicer button down and slacks. He came out in the flannel and jeans.

            She smiled at him. “How do you feel?”

            “Better,” he said. He had combed his hair and beard. They were a much purer white now than the gray they had become with the grime. He was still wearing those filthy bandages over his eye.

            “Oh, I nearly forgot. Take off those old bandages. I have an eyepatch for you.” She reached into the cupboard and pulled out a black eyepatch from a pharmaceutical bag. “Here,” she said, handing it to him.

            “Thank you.”

            “Is that a recent injury, Odin? Every time I’ve seen you, you’ve had those on but has anyone ever looked at it?”

            “Oh, this old thing is centuries old. I received it far before your ancestors even thought of sailing to this land.”

            “Right, well, let me look at it anyways.”

            “No, it’s very ugly. You wouldn’t want to see it.”

            “Odin, please. I’ve worked in an ER before. Believe me, I’ve seen a lot worse.”

            “Are you a healer?”

            “Ha, no. I just admitted people, but I learned a lot there from the nurses and doctors, so please, just let me look.”

            He removed the bandages, revealing a jagged scar across where his eye had once been. The eye was long gone but the hole it left was expertly sealed. Theo examined it. She was surprised with how precise the surgery to the eye was. She hadn’t really seen anything like it but then again, she was no MD. It was clean and well healed and that’s what mattered.

            “Alright, well try this on. I had one leftover from a while back. I think it adjusts.”

            He pulled the strap over his head. “Why did you have a leftover eyepatch?”

            “I got in a fight at the bar… with a door.”

            “Did you win?”

            “You should see the door,” she said, laughing.

            “Ha! Well done!”

            They laughed for a bit before Theo returned to the kitchen counter.

            “What are you hungry for?” she asked. “I was thinking chicken and steamed veggies. How does that sound? No Thai. No curry.”

            “That sounds wonderful.”

            Theo cooked up the chicken and vegetables while Odin sat at the kitchen table and watched the storm move in. She plated their meal and served it to him, setting her plate down across from him. She returned to the cupboards for two glasses and poured them some water from the tap. She sat down across from Odin and started eating.

            “Do you have any beer?” he asked, looking at the water.

            She knew the question would come eventually. She was hoping that if she served him the water, he would drink it and not think about the beer.

            “Why don’t you drink the water first, and eat, and then we can see if you’re still up for a drink.”

            He nodded, though a bit disappointed. What sort of meal was served with water instead of beer or wine or mead? But, not wanting to seem rude, as he was her guest, after all, he nodded and ate. They ate quietly and listened as the wind began to pick up through the tall buildings.

            “I’m really glad you decided to come with me, Odin. I was so worried you’d be stuck out in this. People die in storms like this, you know. I want you to stay here. You can stay as long as you need to.”

            “That is very gracious of you, Lady Theo, but I know that Thor is coming for me soon.”

            “Okay, well, in the meantime, I want you to stay here.”

            He nodded at his finished plate. “Do you have any beer?”

            Theo sighed. “Alright, you get one glass, okay.” She walked to the refrigerator and opened a can of Bud Light and poured it into a glass.”

            She brought it over to him and he drank. He made a sour face and put the glass down. “Why don’t you people make good beer?”

            “Well, that’s what I have, so.” He shrugged and drank the rest in one gulp. “We do need to go over some house rules, though, okay?” she said.

            “Yes,” he said, giving his full attention to her.

            “Rule number one: Don’t steal from me. That includes food and booze and anything else in this apartment. I do this because you’re my friend, but I won’t be taken advantage of.”

            “Of course,” he replied.

            “Rule number two: Don’t invite any friends over. My landlord looks for every excuse to boot me out of here and if you bring someone over, he’ll kick us both out on the streets.”

            He nodded his agreement.

            “Rule number three: No drugs. I know you have an alcohol problem and I’m happy to help you work on it, but drugs are a no-no in this house.”

            “You won’t have to worry about it,” he said. “Wait, an alcohol problem? I don’t have an alcohol problem!”

            “Odin, you told me you were the king of the dumpsters today with a half empty bottle of whiskey in your hand, which you then threw at me.”

            “I found it like that,” he said, folding his arms. “And you startled me.”

            “Right, well, we’re going to work on that.”

            “Do you have any whiskey?”

            “No,” she said, firmly.

            “Mmm,” he grumbled.

            Theo felt strange being so firm with him. Normally, when she invited a friend to live with her, it was their choice. When they accepted her help, they accepted her full help, which normally meant getting clean or sober and getting back on their feet again, regardless of their complaints or withdrawals. She helped them manage themselves and that was part of the deal. Since it was their choice, she didn’t feel bad being firm with them, but Odin never wanted to accept her help. Even still, he had come with her this time.

            “Rule number four: Clean up after yourself. I’m a friend, not a maid.”

            “You don’t have any servants?”

            “No, Odin, I don’t have servants. Cleaning up after yourself builds character, just do it.”

            He shrugged.

            “Rule number five: No weapons in my house. No guns, no knives, no bludgeons, no nothing. Understand?

            “Yes. Oh, what about staves?”

            “No. No staves either.”

            “Mmm,” he grumbled again.

            “Understand?”

            “Fine.”

            “Rule number six: My room is off limits. You can go anywhere else in this apartment but do not go into my room. That’s my space. If I’m here, and you need something, feel free to knock just don’t let yourself in. Just common courtesy, you know?”

            “Seems fair,” he said.

            “And I’ll respect your space as well. Just remember that rule number four applies to your room too.”

            “Very well, what else?”

            “Rule number seven: I’m putting my trust in you because I know you’re a good person. I just ask that you put your trust in me to help you.”

            “That’s not a rule,” he said, smiling.

            “No, but I would really like if you follow it.”

            “I trust you, Lady Theo.”

            “It’s just Theo, no ‘Lady’, please.”

            “Very well.”

            “That’s really all I have. I just want you to respect me and this house, to be honest. And I want you to be safe and off the streets.”

            “I will accept your rules and agree to them. You are a very kind young woman, Theo. I am truly grateful to you.”

            The wind whistled past the window outside, blowing thick flurries of snow against the windows. Odin watched somberly.

            “Do you think my sons will come for me?” he asked after a while.

            “Oh, Odin. I’m sure they will,” Theo said. She didn’t really believe it herself, but he seemed so saddened by the thought of being abandoned. “Do you have a way to contact them?”

            “No. Not anymore,” he said.

            “I’m sorry. Well, I’ll keep on the lookout for them. See if there’s anyone asking around for you. I’ll call my friends too and see if they know anything. In the meantime, we’ll wait here, okay?”

            “Very well.”

            When they were done eating, Theo cleared the table. After the servants comment, she thought Odin may have some trouble with rule number four. He watched her as she loaded the dishes into the dishwasher and washed out the pans she had cooked with. It was his first night here, so she didn’t care that much.

            “Here, I’ll show you to your room, I mean, chambers,” she said, smiling at the way she had to talk to him.

            “Oh, yes, thank you,” he said, standing.

            She walked down the hall and pointed into the first room.

            “This one is yours. There’s a bed and a desk and a lamp. The wifi is written down there on the bulleting board but I don’t think you have a phone, do you?”

            “What’s a phone?”

            “Right, well, don’t worry about that, then. Feel free to get settled in. I’ll be up for a while. You’re welcome to peruse the bookshelf in the living room if you want to read. I don’t have a tv though, I hope that’s alright.

            “What’s a tv?” he asked.

            She laughed. “Well, then don’t worry about that either. If you like to read, let me know. We can get you set up with a card at the library too.”

            “Oh, that would be very nice. You know, I used to have my own library?”

            “Did you?” she asked, folding her arms and leaning up against the doorframe.

            “Yes, it was massive and marvelous. There were books from all nine of the realms there. Even yours.”

            “Is that so? Sounds wonderful. Anything good from little old Midgard?”

            “Well, I know your people are in love with that Shakespeare fellow but I rather preferred Sun Tzu.”

            “You mean, The Art of War?”

            “Yes, that’s the one.”

            “Well, I guess it’s a good classic too. You didn’t like Shakespeare?”

            “No, blah!” he said, sticking his tongue out. “Never cared too much for plays, myself. My queen did, though. She went to plays with our son, Loki, all the time.”

            “Ah, well, I guess Shakespeare’s not for everyone. Anyways, feel free to look over my little library. It may not be as great as yours was but it’s got some good ones in there, I think.

            “Oh, yeah. My room is down there at the end of the hall,” she said, pointing back across the living down the other hallway. “Linens are in this closet, here, but I’ve put fresh ones on your bed already. I think that’s everything. It’s a pretty small apartment. Especially, for how much I pay for it. But it’s cozy and warm.”

            “Thank you, Theo,” he said. She could tell he was very grateful. His whole demeanor had changed. He seemed more content than the man that had thrown a whiskey bottle at her head a few hours ago. Maybe giving him a glass of alcohol a night would help him stabilize. She had heard of therapy for alcoholics that utilized that method.

            She left him and walked to her room. Quietly, she closed the door behind her and undressed, getting into her pajamas. She sat on the bed for a while and answered emails on her laptop. The wind howled at the window. She closed her eyes.

She hated these storms. They reminded her of all the storms she had spent out on the street. She would never wish that on another person but she knew there were people out there now. She only hoped they had found somewhere warm to spend the night.