#I don’t even know my own thought process tbh | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heeliopheelia · 8 months ago

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𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐄𝐍𝐆𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅𝐅 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

genre: hurt/comfort, angst, fluff

word count: 4.3k

warnings: cursing, crying, neglect, tiny mention of bleeding

a/n: i think i win the contest of overusing commas with this one 🤍 tbh this fic is just yapping so pls deal with me... it's good to write some proper angst again tho, i missed it :(( hope you guys like it and don't find them too repetetive!!

masterlist

LEE HEESEUNG

It's been two weeks since you got the opportunity to take a proper look at Heeseung. And now as you do, you find it hard to recognize your fiancé who looks like he's about to collapse from exhaustion, to say the least.

“I never asked you to mother me or worry about me so much. Stop getting into my business so much. I’m not a child, YN.”

It’s like he was blind to how hurt his words and actions were making you feel. It’s so unusual for him, so out of character and unfamiliar to you, that you can’t help but think that maybe it really is your fault for riling him up this much.

“I worry about you because I’m your fiancé and I love you, you jerk!” You scoff at his careless words and take a step back, the aching in your heart only increasing. “I only want to look after you because you clearly don't know how to do it yourself. I mean, look at yourself! You look as if you haven’t slept in a week and I know you haven’t been eating either. How can I not worry about you when all you do is neglect yourself?”

“Dunno, maybe find yourself something to keep you busy enough. You stay at home all day, do as much as nothing, no wonder you’re so damn nosy. I would be too with this much time on my hands.”

He’s so indifferent to everything you say, you try to recall where it all started going so wrong. All you did was ask whether he’s eaten at work or not, and now the two of you are snapping at each other as if you weren’t lovers, and trying not to hurt each other was a long forgotten thought by now.

“If you’re so unhappy with our relationship – with me, maybe it’s best we take a break,” you say as you feel your throat tighten painfully.

“Agreed. I never even wanted this marriage in the first place,” he scowls, silencing you, words rolling out of his mouth way quicker than his brain is able to process it.

He bites his words back quickly when he watches your face dropping along with your shoulders, and fuck, you look as if you’ve given up on him right then and there.

You walk away then, tears streaming down your face, muttering something about how ungrateful he was being, and all Heeseung could do was stand still as if plastered to the floor, in utter disbelief of his own, untrue, words.

After his cruel statement echoes through his head for the fourth time, he finally snaps out of the self pity and rushes after you to the kitchen where you’re leaned over the counter, head buried in your hands as you cry.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” he apologizes quickly. He walks up from behind you and wraps his arms around your waist, resting his forehead on your shoulder blade. “I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry for everything I said, sweetheart.”

He turns you around gently and feels his chest tighten at how fucking sad you look. He never wants to see you like this. He never wants to be the cause of this ever again.

And when he looks to the side, his throat closes and dries completely at the sight of your engagement ring laying on the counter right behind you.

“Are you sure you didn’t mean it?” You ask, wiping the tears away with your hand pointlessly as another stream follows right after. “Things like that don’t come out of nowhere.”

“I didn’t, love, I swear I didn’t. I’m so fucking sorry,” he breathes out, pulling you closer to him by your neck again.

Never again. Never fucking again. He keeps telling himself in his head as he lifts your hand to his lips and presses a kiss to your knuckles, just where your ring was supposed to be sitting snugly. Then he lowers it and places your palm against his chest, right above his heart, and covers your smaller hand with his.

That was too close to losing you, and himself, for that matter. Because he would never recover if you were gone from his life and all because of him.

“Then why did you even say it?” You sob pitifully as you feel the warm tears dripping down the tip of your nose.

“I don’t know,” he shushes you gently, trying his best to not break you any further.

You pull away once you feel calm enough, hands clutching his t-shirt. “It's not too late to call off the wedding, Seung,” you manage out breathily, raising your palm to cup his cheek. “I'd rather not take the step further than have you unhappy.”

“Darling, no.” Heeseung bends down to minimize the distance between the two of you and peppers your face with loving, warm kisses. He just wants to erase those atrocious thoughts out of your mind as quickly as possible. “Please, there's nothing I'd ever want more than to make you my wife. That was stupid of me to say. I'll never be happy if I'm not with you, my love.”

“I just don’t want to force this marriage on you. You need to want it as much as I do, otherwise it’s pointless.”

Heeseung almost chokes on air when he rushes out his answer even before you can properly finish your sentence. “I do want it. Please, you have to believe me.”

“Really?”

Heeseung smiles at you softly as he wipes your wet cheeks with his thumbs. “Really. Scout’s honour.”

You breathe out, feeling relief, and look up at him with squinted, puffy eyes. “Sometimes I just wanna strangle you to death, Lee Heeseung.”

He chuckles lightly before pressing one last kiss to your cheek. “Aren't you just so adorable? You should add this to your wedding vows.”

“Maybe I’ll add this to your eulogy instead if you pull shit like that again.”

Heeseung clicks his tongue with a grin pulling on his lips. “Touché.”

PARK JAY

The atmosphere in the living room is so heavy that your chest starts to hurt. You’re standing barely two steps away from the man you love the most, yet you’ve never felt more far away from him than in this moment.

His eyes – cold but still undoubtedly full of love, drill holes in the side of your head as you turn your face away from him to try and gather your thoughts.

Arguments with Jay were rare. You always tried to work things out immediately, keeping your heads cool. But something has broken over the last month and you can’t see each other eye to eye anymore. At the very beginning of your relationship you made a promise to never go to bed angry. To never leave things unresolved. Yet now Jay’s been sleeping on the couch for the past week, and you fail to understand what the fuck has happened to the two of you.

And you can’t help but think that, maybe, sometimes love is just not enough.

“You’re not even trying to find the middle ground anymore. All you do is snap at me the second I come home. I’m fucking tired of it! Would it hurt to give it a rest for a day?”

The tension is almost palpable. You hate how you can’t seem to back away from any argument but only keep hurting him instead.

“Put effort into our relationship first, then we’ll talk,” you spit out instead, against your better judgment.

“It’s funny coming from you who’s done nothing but put a fucking distance between us!”

“This doesn’t make any sense anymore, Jay. We need some time apart,” you finally speak into the dull silence, eyes casted downwards at the floor as your hand keeps twitching, only to finally grab for your ring finger and slip the silver band off of it. You didn’t think much of your action, hell, you didn’t even process it properly.

Well, not until you hear the shaky exhale leave Jay’s lips.

Silently, he presses his lips together and nods his head before turning on his heel and leaving the room. You listen intently to the shuffling, then ringing of the keys and eventually the door being shut.

A moment of silence turns into minutes of you staring at the ring on your palm with tears burning your eyes mercilessly.

With your heart falling low to your stomach, you drop down on the couch and tug on your hair slightly, cursing yourself for acting so mindlessly.

You wallow in self pity in the dead quiet room. The shiny ring feels so heavy and burning in your clenched fist. You take in a deep breath, then quickly slide the band back onto your finger, feeling instantly shielded with it being on its righteous place again.

And just like that, you spend the next three hours on the verge of losing your sanity. With no word from Jay. He’s left your messages unread. He’s left your calls unanswered.

You don’t know whether he’s okay or hurt or simply gone. All that combined is enough to leave you panicked and terrified, unable to have a second of peace.

You never meant to take it this far. This – your words and rapid actions, that will forever remain as one of your biggest regrets. You don’t like the idea that you made your other half feel like you’ve taken him for granted. Or for what’s worse, like a person that you can use for unloading your frustration on.

There’s this throbbing pain in your chest as you realize that maybe he’s not coming back because why would he if you can’t even love him properly?

Your fingers are bleeding from how hard you’ve been picking on your cuticles.

And then you hear the jingle of keys and soon the front door opens quietly. You know that even after all of this he’s still being careful to not wake you up. It’s killing you how he thinks you’d ever be able to get a wink of sleep without knowing he’s safe.

You’re quick to drop your phone on the couch and shoot up on your legs, rushing over to the door and throwing yourself on Jay’s neck.

“I was so worried about you!” You gasp out, clinging onto your fiancé desperately as tears unknowingly make their way down your cheeks. “Please, don’t ever do that again!”

“Sorry, my phone died,” he replies after a second or two, bringing his arm up to wrap around your waist and keep you close to him.

He’s still upset but he understands where you’re coming from, knowing well that if it was you instead of him he’d probably go insane from worry.

He can feel your heart hammering against his chest, so he lifts his hand and strokes your hair to help you calm down. But then you start crying, feeling his gentle touch even after everything you said, that was enough to push you over the edge. You clench your trembling hands on his sweater as you burst out with choked sobs, slouching against his warm and comforting body.

“I’m sorry, ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry,” you weep into his chest like a mantra and Jay can quite literally feel his heart cracking at your miserable state.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, hot air hitting your ear before he presses a soft kiss to its tip. “Don’t cry anymore, honey. We’re okay.”

“I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you,” you whimper quietly. “Please, don’t leave me.”

“Don’t say that,” he scolds you with a frown. Your whimpers twist his guts even more than your harsh words from before. “It’s not the first nor the last time we’ll have an argument. It’s not worth losing your pretty head over it, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” you repeat one last time. “I promise I'll never take it off again. I’ll never lash out on you like that ever again too.”

Jay grabs your hand and runs his thumb over the thin silver band, the same one he was picking so carefully for weeks, and a small smile tugs on the corners of his mouth. He hates how shameful you sound.

He’ll never tell you how the sight of you pulling your ring off your finger made him physically sick to his stomach. He can't have you feeling even worse than you already do. So instead he brings you close to him and rests his forehead on yours.

“I’m so stupid,” you whisper quietly as you close your eyes, your heavy eyelashes letting go of another few droplets of crystal tears which Jay’s lips soak up instantly. “I don’t know what I’d do if you actually left.”

“You know me better than to think I’d let us break it off over such a petty fight.” And, yes, you do. But your lip wobbles with silent agony at the sole thought of that. “Hey,” he tries again as he presses a loving kiss to your red nose. “I’m not leaving, okay? How could I ever?”

“I love you.”

With his thumb caressing your burning cheek so tenderly, you feel at peace again.

“I love you too,” he replies without skipping a beat. “No one can handle you as well as I do. And no one sees me for me like you do. We complete each other. We belong together.”

He kisses you silly then, until there’s no more tears left in your body and you’re barely able to breathe anymore. He kisses you until your legs give in and he swoops you up to carry you into your shared bed for the first time in what seems like forever.

He kisses you until it engraves in your mind that there’s no other person for him in this world but you.

SIM JAKE

“Baby, I already apologized.” A groan lingers at the back of his throat but for his own sake he stifles it inside. “I don’t know what else you want me to do.”

You sit on the edge of your shared bed and clench your fingers on the silky duvet. “How about you start showing up to things we both agreed on attending to?”

He runs his hand down his face. “I know. It just slipped my mind, that’s all. You know how busy I’ve been this week.”

“This shouldn’t be my business only, though. I mean, for christ’s sake, it’s our wedding! I would really appreciate it if you participated in something for once!”

Flowers and cake. That’s literally all you’ve asked of him to go and pick with you for the wedding reception. Knowing his tight schedule, you picked the date carefully so that it wouldn’t meddle with his work and you could even go grab some dinner afterwards. But your plans all went out the window when he didn’t even bother showing up or giving you a heads up text, standing you up yet another time when it comes to your wedding preparations.

You’re honestly getting tired of it.

“I’ll be there next time,” he assures you quickly as he nervously taps his fingers on the doorway of your bedroom.

“You said you wouldn’t do that,” your voice wavers as your shoulders drop with resignation. With the back of your hand, you wipe off the tears that made their way down your cheeks. “You promised to help, Jake. But you left me alone with everything, as usual.”

“It’s not even that big of a deal. This can be rescheduled any time. Baby, stop stressin’ so much.”

“But it is a big deal to me!” You cry out, palm reaching up to pinch the bridge of your nose. You breathe out heavily. “I don’t want to do everything by myself! We’re supposed to be in this together! If getting married means that I’m gonna be alone with all the responsibilities that you don’t consider important enough, I’m not even sure I still want it.”

To back up your words, your hand moves half-consciously to your ring finger and you twist the cool piece of jewelry in between your fingers.

“No, no, no, no.” Jake moves quickly, nearly tripping over himself as he rushes towards you to desperately clasp your hand in his two and stop you from whatever the hell you were about to do. He drops to his knees in front of the bed, right at your feet. “Baby, you promised you’d never take it off.”

You’re at a loss of words as you look into his wide eyes, the seriousness of your actions only catching up to you now. You gasp quietly, eyes watering just like his, quickly relaxing your tensed hand in his and letting him slide the ring back down your finger, just where it belongs.

Silence envelopes the two of you, besides the sound of your sniffles.

You feel awful.

Jake feels even worse.

Leaning forward, you press your face to his shoulder and melt instantly when he brings a hand to caress your hair.

“I'm sorry,” you whisper, clenching your hand to feel the cool ring against your skin. “I don't know why I did that. I didn't mean to.”

“I know,” he soothes you just as softly. He stands up from the floor and carefully maneuvers the two of you so that you’re placed on his lap as he sits with his back against the headboard. “It's my fault. I'm sorry. I never meant to disregard your feelings like that.”

At the end of the day, both of you would rather set themselves ablaze than watch the other one hurting.

You nod silently, heart pounding in your chest before you bring your arms up and throw them over his neck.

“I’m sorry I was so impulsive.”

“No. You did nothing wrong.” His soothing voice carries over the room, enveloping you with warmth. “I promise I'll be here whenever you want me to from now on. I don’t want you to feel neglected by me, especially now when you’re this stressed over the wedding. I won’t let you down, again.”

“I just need a little help, that’s all,” you mumble tiredly into his skin.

“I know.” His warm lips press to your forehead lovingly. “I’m sorry for being an insensitive douche. It won’t happen again. I’ll take some days off next week, hm?”

The tears on your face dry slowly as your hold on him tightens. “I’d like that a lot.”

“Then it’s done. I'll be all yours and you’ll be all mine then,” he hums and noses at your cheek, finally bringing out a small giggle out of you. After all these years, he still melts at the sound. “I won’t let things get this out of hand again, YN. I promise.”

“Okay,” you whisper. Tilting your head up and bringing his down towards you, you join your lips in a kiss that you’ve been longing for for days. His movements are slow and careful as he tries to soak up as much of the moment as possible.

His kisses slowly put your broken pieces back together. He never knew how much seeing you cry like this would hurt him. And he’ll make damn sure he won’t ever have to experience that again for as long as you're with him.

“If I have a life to spend, it'll only be with you, sweetheart,” he lowers his voice to match yours, cradling your cheek in the palm of his hand. “You're it for me. I'll never give you a chance to doubt that ever again.”

PARK SUNGHOON

“You’re never home! There’s always a hundred things more important to you than spending an hour of your time with me. Your fucking fiance! Are we really about to get married when you’re clearly so tired of me already?”

Your heart pounds in your chest as you finally voice out everything that’s been sitting on your chest for the past month. Things have not been working out well with the two of you, much to your despair. He’s been neglectful, always too busy to help you with anything – even the wedding related things that you should’ve gotten done weeks ago.

And you know that he’s swamped with work and it's not his fault. You understand everything. But to ask him to spare you an hour or two of his day shouldn’t be too much. It shouldn’t make him snap at you unlike what he just did the second he came back home. You slowly begin to lose your hope.

“God, have you always been this needy? Why can’t you accept that I can’t always put you first? No matter how much I’d want to, sometimes I just can’t! Deal with this!”

“Fucking- Fine.”

Your hand moves quicker than your brain, and the next thing you know, your shiny ring is being pulled off your finger and resting in the palm of your other hand.

You can see the disbelief flashing through his face briefly before it completely morphs into a scowl.

“You really think that this will solve the problem?” He asks, eyebrows narrowed as he glowers at you from across the room. “Really? Does that ring mean so little to you that you go and throw it away with any minor inconvenience?”

You try to blink away the frustrated tears, hand raking up to brush your hair away from your face. “No, fuck, I just- I don’t know what to do anymore, Sunghoon. I feel like I’m the only one in this relationship. I need you to give me something more because whatever you’re doing now is not enough for me.”

“Well, I’m putting out everything I have, YN! I love you! If that’s still not good enough for you, then maybe it’s not meant to be.”

The silence that falls in the room doesn’t last long as your sudden sob pierces Sunghoon’s ears quickly, making his stomach drop to the soles of his feet. His heart wrenches and twists as the anger simmers down and evaporates from his body within a second, and he’s quickly coming back to his senses at the sight of you breaking down right in front of him.

“Can’t you just try?” You cry into your hands, shielding your face away from your fiance. “That’s all I’m asking of you. Is it really so hard to try?”

No, it’s not. Sunghoon knows it without a second of thinking. It’s not too hard to try, never if it’s for you. And his throat dries so quickly when he basks in the weight of his words that finally made you break as well.

“You don’t know how much it hurts to feel like you’re too much for your partner,” you wail with a small voice, shoulders trembling and hands quickly getting damp with tears. “You’ll never know how it is to feel unwanted, because you’ll never have to when you're with me. Because I love you, asshole, but now I’m doubting if you’re saying it back just for the sake of it.”

With air getting stuck in his throat, Sunghoon looks at you wide-eyed before quickly crossing the living room and enveloping you in his arms. His warmth wraps around you in what you've always considered to be safety, but now it just makes you cry more.

He finds it hard to breathe. The hesitation in your eyes feels like a stab to his chest.

“Of course I still love you,” he says, voice muffled by your hair.

He hates how he made you feel the opposite. He hates how you’re right and he never had to worry about any reassurement of such kind from your side because you’re just that good to him. And his heart breaks with the realization of how much of a lousy partner he’s been to you when all you ever were was nothing less than perfect.

So he places his hand on the back of your head and presses you even closer to his shoulder as you cry, his own eyes burning with tears at the sound of your sobs and sniffles.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, my darling,” he apologizes with a heavy heart, fearful of what’s about to come next. “I didn’t mean to neglect you this much. I could say that I’m tired and the work has been a lot lately, but I know these excuses are not enough to make up for my actions.”

You’re mad and hurt, but you love him and would never want to give up on him, so you wrap your arms around his middle and hold him almost as tight as he holds you, burying your wet face in his chest.

“I love you more than anything, YN.” He pulls away from you only to cup your face and make you look at him. His long fingers wipe away the tears with gentle touch, soothing your stinging skin instantly. “You could never be too much for me. I want all of you. I promise I’ll do better. I’ll love you better.”

And when you’re looking up at him with these shiny eyes of yours, he closes the distance and presses a loving kiss to your swollen lips, hoping to take at least some of the pain away. He doesn’t think he can hold you any tighter. He can’t love you any stronger than right now, and it messes with his head how easily he could’ve had it all ruined only minutes ago.

He’ll never take your love for granted ever again. Because if he did, he’d never be able to pick up the parts of whatever was left of him, and put himself back together ever again.

You can feel his warm hand opening your closed palm before he takes the ring you've been clutching so tightly and holds it in between his fingers.

“Can I put it back on, baby? Please.”

You nod wordlessly while you try to tame your tears. You hold your slightly trembling hand up to him. He takes it, gently, and watches as your bottom lip wobbles while he slides the ring on your finger just like he did months ago.

“I'll never screw up like that again. You have my word for it.”

You sniffle quietly when he kisses you right on the cool band adorning your skin. “You better not, Park Sunghoon.”

His long fingers caress your cheek, wiping the remains of the tears away. “Can you forgive me, darling?”

You don't need to think long of an answer. “You know I can never stay mad at you. Even if you're a idiot, I'll never stop loving you. You have my whole heart, Hoon. Please, don't ever make me regret trusting you with it.”

permanent taglist + taglist: @bambisgirl @arizejkt19 @luvmura @milisabunny @cathy-1997 @satoruskitchenrag @ramenoil @jenjnk @jaylaxies @yoongspi @nichoswag @s00buwu @dazzlingligth @goreconsumer @i4kt @heehoonsnemo @seongslutt @seongclb @iamnotalicia

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wonysugar · 3 months ago

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wonder why i’m bitter | julie han

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. casual — chappell roan

synopsis : friends don’t act like this, you would know that better than anyone else.

pairing : non-idol!julie x fem!reader

genre : smut, angst, smutty angst, if you will! heavy on the angst though sorry.

tags : they were roommates,,, making out, marking, implied possessiveness, implied jealousy, anal rimming (heyyy), strap-on sex, vaginal penetration, cunnilingus, julie is bent ova, and YESS WHO SAID BACKSHOTS, arguing, topsub!femreader, bottomdom!julie, frequent mentions of sexuality, praise kink, cheating?? could you call this cheating,, one singular l-bomb,,, yikesss

warnings : none..? i guess apart from the obvious content warnings here (angst and smut) there’s some underlying internal homophobia themes?? but i don’t think it’s that bad tbh IDK BE WARNED JUST IN CASE

word count : 3,1k

a/n : haiii!! i’m finally posting this draft OUHH it went through so many changes, like for example THE TITLEE?? i was gonna make the title be a lyric to ‘goodluck, babe!’ by chappell roan since i originally based the fic on that but i ended up listening to casual instead and went woaahh,, this fits so much more what the hell?!? but yeahh i think i’m happy with how it turned out! :’) i hope you guys can say the sameedckem

ALSO! first time writing anything involving anal,, while yes i do talk about it often (ahem we all know,,) i was incredibly nervous in the process and this definitely made me step out of my comfort zone, hope it isn’t too apparent in this ;; but yeah, to stop rambling, thank you for reading!! i hope you like itt! :]]

“so…” julie’s friend makes a motion between the two of you with a raised eyebrow, wearing a curious smile. “what exactly are you two?” they ask. you thought about it for a few moments, theoretically, you two are roommates, friends at most. but, if anything, you’re more like a couple behind closed doors.

you shrug, thinking nothing of it, “i guess we’re kind of like—“

“we’re just friends.” she places, wearing a polite smile at the familiar in front of her before you could even think about the rest of your sentence. when you turn to look at her, she’s avoiding your gaze, already familiar with the type of expression you’re wearing.

it’s the face you always make when she pushes you away like this.

turning back to her friend, you nod slightly, “yeah. we’re friends.” trying your hardest not to let your dejection show through your smile.

maybe it’s all just in your imagination, perhaps you guys were never even close to being a ‘thing’ and you were the one who thought too much into it. but alas; no matter from which angle you looked at it, the way she displayed any ounce of affection towards you would always make you overthink what you two were exactly. anything she’d do in the comfort of your own apartment with you was never close to anything she’d do in public, in front of the eyes of everyone walking by. she always acts like she barely knows you whenever she is surrounded by people, whether she knows them or not.

you think about it often.

you think about her often.

you asked yourself, do you even like her like that? well, she’s pretty chill, smart, witty and funny. she’s also beautiful, and one hell of a tease, that much is obvious, you’ve had sex with her numerous times in the past, so sexual attraction is out of the question; you already knew the answer to that. the better question probably was; does she even like you like that?

“you done with them?” says julie, referring to the pile of kitchenware you guys left from last night on the counter as she hugs you from behind and rests her head on your shoulder, her arms wrapping all around your waist and watching you. you, on the other hand, were taken by surprise by the sudden display of affection, so much so that you lost your original train of thought. as much as you knew that she liked physical touch, it always did surprise you whenever you randomly felt her skin come in contact with yours throughout the day. getting quickly accustomed to the feeling of her lips kissing your shoulder, you hummed in response, washing and scrubbing the plate with the soaped-up sponge you were holding.

“almost.”

she whines in an exaggerated manner, “hurry uppp..” lightly tapping on your stomach and resting her head on your shoulder, before adding, “i miss you.”

you giggle, putting away the plate you were now done washing, quickly grabbing another dirty one, “i’m right here, though?”

“no like,” she left another kiss on your shoulder, “i miss you.”

you smirked, getting progressively more and more amused by the girl’s foreign, yet familiar behavior towards you, feeling her embrace you even tighter.

“oh yeah? well in that case, i miss you too, julie.”

you knew exactly what the girl in question meant by ‘i miss you’ and you would’ve teased her further if it weren’t for how impatient she was getting, despite how cute it was. her heavily annoyed sighs giving it away, despite those also being sprinkled with a tiny bit of humor.

“come onn, don’t play dumb with me, smartass.”

so, you pushed the oblivious act aside and obliged, setting the plate down before facing her.

your lips danced in sync with hers as you carried her to your bed. once you got there, you gently sat her down on the edge of the mattress, lips still intertwined whilst her hands glided along the curves of your body, tracing circles with the tip of her index finger on your soft skin.

you didn’t waste any time in laying her down moments later,, your mouth now eagerly roaming her neck and collarbone and leaving kisses down along her body, successfully marking it up. listening to her quiet hums, you proceeded to slide down her sweatpants, your hands tugging on the waistband.

now left in only her panties, you allowed your fingers to glide over the damp spot in between her legs, teasing the clothed entrance and taking in all of her reactions all at once.

looking at you through the light brown hair that fell perfectly on her face with hooded eyes and slightly upturned eyebrows, she whispered in a low, husky and raspy tone, “see, baby? see how wet i am for you?”

now, julie had this certain ability to turn even the most confident person alive on this earth into a nervous wreck.

you were, obviously, no exception from her spells. if anything, you, y/n, were a prime example.

you slowly nodded at her words, entranced, feeling yourself fall more and more at her mercy with each second that passed. that earned a smirk from her, putting her hand atop yours, before continuing, “you’re gonna be good and do something about it, right?”

you nodded once again, this time more eager.

“words, darling.” she whispered.

“yes,” you muttered in response, a mix of nervousness and eagerness taking over all five of your senses, “o-of course i will.”

she hummed, perfectly content with your adorable answer, before pulling you back into a hungry kiss for another long, pleasant while. that is, until she added something else between kisses, something that made you shudder.

“get the strap.”

immediately reaching for the drawer next to your bed upon hearing those words, lips still connected to hers, you obeyed and pulled the cabinet open, quickly pulling out the phallic silicone object residing in it as well as the harness, too impatient to feel even embarrassed about the sudden action.

it didn’t take long before the harness was tight around your hips, the brunette bent over in front of you at the edge of the bed with her panties pulled down to her thighs. you ravished in the sight; her perfect pink pussy sitting before you, slick and wet with desire, begging for you to finally please it properly, practically throbbing in anticipation. who were you to deny her of such pleasure?

you traced your index finger along her slit, your digit comfortably nestled in between her slippery folds as it slowly teased the entrance.

rewarded by the sweet sounds coming out of her, you wasted no more time and slowly leaned into her core, giving a long swipe of the tongue to her pussy.

“ohh shitt..” overhearing her moans, you smiled against her as you were now making out with her swollen cunt, intending to taste every drop of her slick, not wasting a single one. your lips circled around her bundle of nerves, giving it small and gentle sucks whilst one of your hands massaged her ass.

subconsciously, julie’s back arched with each movement that your tongue made inside her, her head hung low on the bed as she whimpered filthy praises, her sounds just slightly muffled from the white bedsheet she had over her mouth.

you heard them, though.

thank god you heard them.

after a long while of giving more than endless attention to her pussy, you felt your mouth move upwards by itself, driven by the pure desire to make her feel even better than she already was.

your tongue quickly made its way to her ass, roaming and dancing around her rim, which immediately earned a sharp gasp from her part. you’ve never made it a habit to eat julie’s ass, but whenever you did? it was always enough to cloud your brain with pure, raw want, and it always seemed to catch her pleasantly off-guard, since you’d always do it without any warning.

you attempted to relax her again by tracing slow circles around her hole with your muscle, before inserting it fully, which you could only assume worked, since you could hear her whines get longer and louder. “fuckk yes baby..” she shamelessly moaned, this time more audibly due to her raising her head up and looking back at you as best as she possibly could, “that’s it, such a sweet girl for me— ah..“

using one of your hands, you made sure to thoroughly stimulate her clit, rubbing circles around it and even going as far as to inserting two fingers inside her dripping cunt with your other hand in the process, all whilst the muscle in your mouth flicked way within her, drilling and wriggling as you hummed against her.

after what felt like hours of you messily rimming her, hours of her pushing herself further onto your mouth, practically fucking herself on you, you figured it was finally time to give her what’d she been wanting ever since she came up behind you in the kitchen.

pulling your fingers out and standing back up, you lined up your strap-on to her aching core, pressing the head against it before slowly inserting its entire length inside of her.

she let out a groan at the feeling of being penetrated, which progressively turned into longer and more suggestive sounds. it all sounded like music to your ears, it only made you want to please her more.

you reached for her hand, grabbing it upon contact. she squeezed yours with just as much force in return, pleasure visibly taking over her senses. it didn’t take long for you to be full on thrusting into her, either, feeling her walls clench around your fake cock as she babbled praises.

it was a small gesture, sure, but it made you feel things you weren’t quite certain on how to label.

“such a good girl for me—“ was what she let out, a loud moan escaping her agape mouth whilst you continued pounding her, faster with each second that passed. “f-fuck y/n i love you—“

you saw her lose herself under you, you watched in… admiration? infatuation? whatever it was, you thought she looked mesmerizing, especially with how her brown long hair fell all over the place, how perfect she sounded, how perfect she looked.

how perfect she was.

the words “i love you” resonated in your head.

“who’s eric?” you ask her, having thrown glances at her phone that was charging on the kitchen counter whilst washing a plate, the singular one you had left untouched due to being… distracted.

you finished washing it, then turned around, now met with a surprised julie, clothed in a pair of booty shorts and a white tank top, she was fresh out of the shower, towel drying her hair. that is, until she unexpectedly heard you speak that name, her eyes immediately darting between you and the phone, greeted by that man’s contact name and picture on the latter, an incoming phone call from his part.

“a guy?” she says back, in her usual sarcastic yet gentle and quiet tone, “thought that was obvious enough—“

jealousy and inexplicable possessiveness flooded your senses; you knew most of her friends, but, you had no idea who this ‘eric’ dude was, and that especially ate at you. why was he calling her, on a random weekday at like, 4 pm? you had checked the clock hanging on the wall to confirm the time.

“well yeah but, i don’t think i know an eric.” you stated, wary of what the girl before you was gonna say, “who is he?”

“…i just told you, some dude. i met him on campus and we just exchanged contacts after he complimented me, a while ago.” she replied, slight annoyance cracking through the facade of the joking expression she wore. she ran her dominant hand through her messy and wet hair, causing it to fall back perfectly on the side of her face and her exposed shoulders.

she added, “sure, he makes it very clear he wants to hook up with me, but that’s all it’ll ever be i think, he’s not the type of guy you’d wanna date seriously. why do you ask—“

“no reason.” you cut her off, cold and dry.

she furrowed her eyebrows, the previous annoyance being more and more apparent, this time only paired with confusion. “…what?”

“so this is completely normal for you? like, you guys hook up and call each other sometimes and you’re just casually telling me about it? what, does he take you out on dates too?”

“what are you, my girlfriend or something?” she scoffed, bitter and defensive, gently throwing the towel on the couch in close proximity to her, “and what if he does, why’s it such a big deal to you?”

why is it such a big deal to me?

and before you know it, you’re quickly matching her tone. “i simply don’t understand how you could tell me something so casually, especially right after we—“

“listen, let’s get this straight.” she says to you, “i know that just because you and i fuck sometimes you’re convinced that it’s gotta mean something, that we’re something, but we aren’t. it doesn’t fucking mean shit to either of us and you know that very well. it’s all in good fun; i don’t belong to you, y/n, and i never will.”

“it’s not about that?” you walked closer to her as you justified, trying to get your point across, “i’m not saying that you belong to me julie i’m just trying to say that—“

her stare pierces right through you as she cuts you off, and you could’ve sworn you noticed her eyes being glossy. her eyebrows furrowed in anger at you, she added on, “who i date isn’t your business. we’re just friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be, end of discussion. don’t try to turn our friendship into something it isn’t.”

friends?

“so now i’m the crazy one for not liking the fact that you’re talking to that dude?” you eventually yelled back. you didn’t even notice her grabbing her things as you talked, ready to head out, despite her hair still being wet from the recent shower. you, however, noticed how she took her still ringing phone and put on her favorite puffy jacket, her soft hand’s acrylic nails digging and clutching onto the mentioned cellular device as you rambled on and on, irritated beyond comprehension.

“we’re not fucking dating y/n, it’s all casual, i.. i’m not even into girls like that—” she asserted herself, trying her absolute hardest to sound as convincing as possible. you heard it, though, you heard that little twinge of doubt and guilt in her voice. it’s almost like she, herself, didn’t believe whatever nonsense was coming out of her mouth.

how funny was it to watch her say that all whilst having the fresh hickeys you left on her neck and collarbone not even a few hours ago?

perhaps eric will notice them, too.

perhaps with that, he’ll realize how good you treat her, how he’ll never be able to do it like you do.

how he’ll never be able to make her feel as good as you do.

“sure, you aren’t.” you scoffed at her words, before proceeding to add on, “since you swear you aren’t, how about you stop acting like you are? you know, instead of giving me shit for getting upset.”

“sorry?—“ she laughed bitterly, those words cut deep.

let me talk, you thought, let me place a damn word.

you continued, “no, seriously! you always do this julie, you always make me feel like i’m fucking insane for seeing it the way it is, for the way i see us. you’re convinced that there’s nothing between us, that we’re just friends, yet friends don’t randomly kiss me throughout the day for whatever reason, do they? they don’t fuck me and tell me that they love me in the process, do they?” as you spoke, she avoided your gaze and walked right past you, heading straight for the front door.

that’s when you recalled a certain moment, “sure, why not, let’s say, for your sake, that completely normal friends do fuck sometimes; they don’t buy you stupid lovey-dovey bullshit on valentine’s day and drive you to the middle of nowhere to stargaze, they do not take you out at night and take every opportunity to kiss you in public whenever nobody’s looking, they don’t fucking say they love you while you’re deep inside them— i mean for fuck’s sake julie do you hear yourself??”

she stopped in her tracks in front of the door, her hand resting on the doorknob. she hates it when you read her like a book, she hates it when you call her out on being the way she acts with you, she hates it when you stare at her like that— she fucking hates you. she fucking hates you for making her feel the way she does, for making her question everything about herself, she hates herself for thinking about you whenever she’s with him—

she let out a noise, something in between a sob and a laugh, before looking back at you with tear-filled eyes, she stared at you, up and down. her eyebrows twitching slightly, she then set her eyes on the ground and bit her lip in what seems to be frustration, frustration aimed both at you and herself.

“if i knew it was gonna be like this, i would’ve never done anything with you to begin with.” her voice was shaky.

you watched her figure as she turned the doorknob and slammed the door on you, with a loud clack. just like that, the apartment was empty, silent and once again, peaceful.

she’d be back, of course, whether she decides to sleep somewhere else and come back the next day or sneak back in here in the middle of the night on this same day, she always comes back after a fight. still, despite knowing that, you couldn’t help but feel like drowning in your own guilt, as this argument wasn’t like any other other. her pained expression still vivid in your memory and terrorizing you, you were afraid that you might never see her again after that.

that was pure dramatization, however.

the only thing that occupied the deafening silence of the room was the muffled sound of julie sniffling and being on the phone with who you assumed to be that boy, already planning to meet up. then, you could’ve sworn you heard the name “eric?” being pronounced as it progressively faded in the distance as she walked away, basically confirming your theory.

that’s all that filled your house and your clouded mind.

that, and the sound of your pathetic sobbing.

#smut #kpop gg #female reader #kiss of life smut #kiss of life #julie han x female reader #julie x female reader #kiof smut #julie han #kpop girl group smut #kpop smut #kpop gg smut #julie kiss of life #julie kiss of life smut #julie kiof #julie kiof smut

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beomiracles · 1 month ago

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I know you closed slots for your kinktober already but it crossed my mind only now so I just decided to come by and share my idea

What about period sex? I don't have a specific member in mind tbh so do whatever you want with this thought (if you're comfortable with it)

If you're already set on everything you're going to write them don't worry about this at all btw 😙

𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒

DAY 14 : TAEHYUN + PERIOD SEX — “But you want this?” — His question catches you off guard and your lips part. Gingerly, you nod, “Of course, I… But I’m on my..” — “But you do want this?”

Period sex is having sex whilst on your period. (self-explanatory)

pairings taehyun x fem!reader warnings unprotected period sex, fingering, kissing, descriptions of menstrual blood, taehyun gets kinda freaky toward the end (tastes her blood oopsie)

#serene adds ✎ I was lowkey struggling with how to play this out, but I think I pulled it off. you can roast me in the comments, that'd make me giggle :3

EVENT POST

“No, Taehyun, I’m serious, we can't..”

Your meek protests are blatantly ignored as Taehyun’s lips trail hungry kisses along your neck. His hands, placed firmly on your hips, guides your back down against the soft cushion of his grand living room couch. You resist a small moan as his teeth scrape across your flushed skin, instead shuddering as your own hands tangle in his dark hair. “Taehyun..”

He tears himself from your neck with a frustrated groan, his own equally worked up face meeting yours. “Why not?” His head falls to the side, “You don’t fuck on the first date?” — Biting your lip, you waver between lying or just bluntly admitting the awkward truth. Would he not want to go on a second date if you said no? But you really liked him. And you did want this.

“No I do… It’s just..” You hadn’t planned for things to go this far, they usually didn’t on the first date. But had you known that the man you’d bumped into at the grocery store last week would be practically begging to hit after your first dinner… Well you certainly would’ve rescheduled the date until after your period had ended.

Taehyun regards you with a puzzled expression, tongue prodding against the inside of his cheek as he shifts on top of you. “Just what?” He presses, eyes flitting across your body as he searches for anything that might indicate your obvious hesitation. — You couldn’t possibly have him walk out on you like this, and as much as it pained you, being honest was your best bet at this point.

“I’m on my period. So we can’t… Well, you know.” Your throat feels uncomfortably thick when you swallow. You could feel your cheeks burning in embarrassment as you tried to avoid his gaze. — His brows are drawn together as he slowly registers your words. He remains quiet and for a moment you regret saying anything in the first place. Should you just have said no, was this too much, did he find you weird?

But Taehyun breaks the heavy silence as he says: “But you want this?” — His question catches you off guard and your lips part. Gingerly, you nod, “Of course, I… But I’m on my..” — “But you do want this?” He interrupts you, and you shiver when one of his hands slides along the skin of your thigh.

“I…I, yeah..” You stammer, slightly confused as you peer up at him. Taehyun merely hums, his grip on your thigh suddenly becoming firm. “Then that settles it”, he says before slamming his lips back onto yours. — The noise of surprise you emit is easily swallowed by Taehyun’s mouth against yours as he nudges your legs apart to make room for himself between them.

He moves fast, like he’d been waiting for this all evening. And his next, soft exhale, confirms your exact thought process. “Been craving you all night.” His warm breath moves down your chest, hands splayed across your inner thighs as they inch closer to your aching core. You squeal when his teeth against your neck bites down. Taehyun chuckles, and amidst your surprise you fail to notice the way his hand pushes your dress up.

“Are you sure this is okay?” You hesitantly wonder as his fingers sneak beneath the lining of your panties. Taehyun pauses for a brief moment, leaning back to see you properly. “Does it not feel okay?” He asks to which you immediately shake your head, “No that’s not what I… It feels great..” You bite your tongue, still not entirely convinced by his urgency to please you. Would he back out once he saw the blood?

But Taehyun only smiles, lips planting a soft kiss to your forehead as he tugs your panties down. He doesn’t waver, and part of you is relieved when he comes back to kiss you again, exploring you with his hands rather than his eyes. — It had never occurred to you to ever touch yourself when on your period. But as Taehyun’s long and slender fingers slip inside your warm and bloody cunt, you almost want to cry out.

His thumb flicks against your throbbing clit and you feel yourself clench around his index and middle finger with a strained moan. — In your clouded state, your hands feebly reach for the belt around his waist, unbuckling it before moving onto his zipper. Taehyun groans into your mouth when the palm of your hand slides along his hard cock.

The thought of using protection crosses your mind but before you get the chance to voice your concern does Taehyun flip you over as he sets you down on his lap. His fingers withdraw from your cunt, they’re covered in both arousal and a thick layer of crimson. Your eyes widen at the sight but Taehyun doesn’t seem to care for it as he grips the base of his cock with the same hand.

A small tap to your hip has you rise from his thighs and Taehyun aligns himself with your bleeding cunt, letting himself get coated in your fluids for a moment before slamming you back down onto his lap. — Your nails dig into his shoulders as your head falls forward. His bloody hand is on your thigh now, spreading the deep red all over the two of you. “Fuck, you’re gorgeous like this”, he exhales, eyes glazed over as they flit down to his cock sliding in and out of your quivering cunt.

Droplets of blood gently trickle down your legs, and Taehyun’s gaze fixates on the sight as he throbs inside of you, desperate to extract more. — Your eyes screw shut as he finds your clit, the pad of his thumb gently circling it as you moan into the skin of his neck. Only when he leans back slightly, bloody hand withdrawing from between your legs as he brings his fingers to his lips, do you look up.

Your jaw falls open as Taehyun, without thinking twice, shoves two of his fingers in his mouth, groaning at the mixture of blood and arousal on his tongue. You feel yourself clench around him at the bewildering sight. — The thought of a second date, one like this, suddenly sounded like a dream.

kinktober taglist (send an ask to be added) — @sweetpotatogyu @aduh0308 @joieouioui @inkigayocamman @bambammtori @hkplushier @gyusoulz @eliluvsjjunie @velvetmoonlght @izzyy-stuff @hwanghyunjinismybae @lunathewritingcat @ninitorih @run4gyu @beestvng

#beomiracles ₊˚⊹ ᰔ #tyunnie's dreams #taehyun smut #taehyun hard hours #taehyun hard thoughts #taehyun x you #taehyun x reader #taehyun imagines #taehyun fanfic #taehyun scenarios #txt smut #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #txt x reader #txt x you #txt fanfic #txt imagines #txt scenarios #beomiracles kinktober 2024

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yongbokology · 1 year ago

Text

baby daddy! satoru x baby mama! reader

black coded reader <3

warnings; none really, just fluff tbh

wc; 1.1k

an: maybe i’ll write a part where the actual baby making takes place if this doesn’t flop 🤷🏾‍♀️

* baby daddy! satoru who looks at you with wide eyes as you show up to his apartment with a positive pregnancy test. before this situation you both were friends with benefits for a year and some change; having met him during your shift at the bar you currently work at.

* baby daddy! satoru who nearly falls over once you decide that you want to keep it (after all, it’s him we’re talking about)

* baby daddy! satoru who respects your decision after the initial shock and let’s it be known that’s he not going to be a deadbeat… (unlike someone)

“please don’t tell me we have to get married.”

you roll your eyes as you continue to clean the used shot glasses left behind by patrons.

“i’d rather self amputate my arms and legs, satoru.”

* baby daddy! satoru who tries to make it to as much doctors appointments as he can— sometimes even taking off of work for them.

“so, you’re currently at the end of your first trimester. everything is looking good, baby is looking healthy. any questions?” the doctor smiles sweetly at the both of you as she looks through yours and the baby’s charts.

satoru sits up from his chair, eyes perking up in the process “how long until you can tell if it’s going to be the most powerful being in the world?”

“satoru!”

“what… just curious..”

* baby daddy! satoru who secretly buys everything on your registry.

* baby daddy! satoru who watches you marvel at everything he bought, acting surprised with you.

* baby daddy! satoru who poses the idea of the both of you having a place together after a serious talk with shoko.

“don’t you think it would be safer for both her and the baby? y’know cuz you’re practically cursed.” a freshly lit newport hangs off her lips as she eyes her old friend.

“what?! i’m not cursed..”

“think about it— the world shifted off kilter when you were born. people were quite literally planning your murder before you could walk. you don’t think they’ll be rubbing their hands at the chance to get at your offspring?”

satoru breaks his friend’s stare and chooses silence, opting to take another bite out of his onigiri.

* baby mama! reader who accepts the offer because you’re literally just a twenty-something girl trying to navigate this unfair world, living paycheck to paycheck (😪)

— fear not tho because baby daddy! satoru got his baby mama covered!

* baby mama! reader who gets to know satoru more since moving in and he’s honestly such an interesting character.

* baby mama! reader who thinks it’s truly nice seeing him for who he was rather than him being a complete whiny mess after an orgasm for a change.

“do you just starve yourself all day? there’s literally nothing here to eat, toru!” you have your hand placed on six month old pregnant stomach and the other is holding open his stupidly expensive smart fridge that currently has one singular bento box that is half eaten.

“i don’t know how to cook!”

“good lord, what am i going to do with you?”

* baby mama! reader who takes off from the bar after satoru essentially pleads on his knees for you to stay home.

- he eventually convinces you to quit altogether.

* baby mama! reader who learns the truth about satoru’s job after waiting for him at the and seeing a fucking panda just holding a conversation with some weird kid with markings around his mouth, simply replying with “salmon.”

* baby daddy! satoru who thought it would be fine to just have you sit tight for a couple of minutes while he checks up on his students since he’s been off from work but clearly he was wrong when he comes back to see you bug-eyed and pacing back and forth.

you’re already trampling over your own words when satoru walks over to you with a concerned look on his face. “w-why did i just see a fucking talking panda satoru!”

he’s sliding a hand over his face and is pulling you into the nearest room and sliding the door shut behind him. it’s there that he explains the world of jujutsu sorcery and what he does and why you saw a talking panda roaming about.

he decides to kill two birds with one stone that day and introduces you to his students and the both of you are bombarded with a magnitude of questions.

there’s a brunette who hasn’t taken her hands off your stomach since introduction and there’s a pink haired young man who’s enamored with you overall.

“kinda surprising someone would willingly have a child with you.”

the brunette takes her hands off your stomach to pound her fist into the dark-haired kid whose names you learned was megumi.

(you caught a glimpse of a younger version of him tucked into satoru’s wallet after spending the whole day in the grocery store)

“just because we’re all thinking it doesn’t mean you have to say it out loud, fushiguro.”

* baby mama! reader who grows fond of the trio after initial introduction and ends up seeing them more often after that.

* baby daddy! satoru who doesn’t mind one bit and opens up his house so you could spend more time with them.

* baby daddy! satoru who’s in the middle of an intense fight but stops once he hears the specific ringtone he picked out for you.

“give me a minute would you? someone rather important is calling.”

his opponent is stunned and confused at the sheer audacity yet they don’t dare move an inch.

satoru presses his phone to his ear, a soft smile appearing on his lips as he answers you. “what’s going on, pretty girl?”

“baby. coming. now.”

“be right there.”

satoru’s smile drops as he reverts his attention back to his opponent, his arms preparing to conjure a finishing blow.

“sorry to cut our playtime short but someone truly worthy of my time just called.”

* baby daddy! satoru who makes it just in time to see his beautiful son being born.

* baby mama! reader who’s exhausted from giving life to a literal being. you’ve got your arms wrapped around the newborn that finally stopped crying all while sharing glances between you and satoru.

* baby daddy! satoru who has this weird feeling in his stomach after receiving his son in his arms. the expression on his face resembles one of pure bliss as he takes a seat in the chair not too far from your hospital bed.

after much-needed reassurance and satoru helping you to sleep, he’s slowly pacing around the room with your son, whispering sweet nothings and quiet promises.

“not that i doubted it for a second but you’re certainly mine alright.”

he smiles at the piercing blue eyes staring right back at his own.

* baby mama! reader who isn’t actually sleeping and watches the both of them with tired eyes and in that moment knows she made the right decision and is content with the possibility of a domestic life with the strongest sorcerer of the modern age.

feedback is encouraged.

boarder credz @leopardprnt

#gojo satoru #gojou satoru x reader #jjk smut #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jjk x black reader #jjk gojo #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu satoru #satoru smut #jjk satoru #jjk drabbles #jjk fic #gojo smut #yongbokology

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your-unfriendlyghost · 1 month ago

Text

New fic- some stevepop angst (?)

So as much as I like drawing good ‘ol wholesome stevepop, I can’t write them without making them miserable. Check it out if you wanna- it’s basically just a lotta banter and uh…both of them not knowing how to process feelings because it’s the 1960s. And like. Beach Boys references, ‘cuz I really like The Beach Boys tbh but it totally doesn’t match my vibe so don’t tell anyone

Ao3 summary:

Soda’s face is so close Steve can see every little detail in his skin- still slightly tan from summer a month ago, old acne scars on his otherwise clear face, deep dimples showing. Steve’s face goes red against his will. Soda has this weird effect on him sometimes, especially when he’s all close like this and callin’ him “babe”, even as a joke. His stomach twists. This is why he’s been keeping his distance lately. - Or: Steve comes to the Curtis house for the first time in a month or so- he thought avoiding it would make his feelings for Soda go away. It doesn’t.

Meanwhile, Soda just wants his best buddy back.

#might delete later idk #steve randle #sodapop curtis #the outsiders steve #the outsiders sodapop #sodapop x steve #stevepop #light angst #my writing #the outsiders #the outsiders 1983 #the outsiders headcanons

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aaron-m-geist-ff · 9 months ago

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Hi, I hope your day is going well! 🫶🏻Omg the zodiac ask is such a cute idea!! If it's still open can I do one? 🥹 tiny 5'2 libra, she/her, love Halloween, just waiting for a man to toss me around like a ragdoll and not be afraid I'll break in the process tbh lol

Omg hello!! I also love Halloween ;) it’s my favorite holiday 🕷️🎃 and these asks started out with just a zodiac sign and a pronoun, now everyone has been sending me their hobbies and kinks and I LOVE IT SO SO MUCH LMAO.

You want to be treated like a ragdoll?? Sounds like you already know who you’re getting, Libra 😅 holy shit you’re gonna eat this up, I already know 🔮

_______________________________________________

Toji Fushiguro takes you to Spirit Halloween (smut)

You got…🥁🥁🥁

Toji Fushiguro!

“I don’t even think that Spirit Halloween is open yet. It’s September,” Toji said flatly. He was busy eating some dumplings as you rambled on and on about preparing for Halloween.

“Oh, trust me. They’re open. We have to go now, Toji!! Come on!” You weren’t above begging. You knew that Toji was weak for you and would give you whatever you wanted if you begged for it. He seemed like such a rough man, and maybe he was, but he had a soft spot for you.

The two of you did end up taking your little shopping trip to Spirit Halloween. Toji followed you down the aisles aimlessly. He clearly didn’t know where to go so he just allowed you to take the lead. He totally wasn’t doing that just to stare at your cute ass 👀

He did pull a slutty nurse costume off the rack once, smirking as he handed it to you.

“Wanna take this one home?” He asked. You ended up swatting at his arm as you rolled your eyes.

Toji would definitely try a few of the animatronics, but he would just stand there with his hands shoved into his pockets. Completely unfazed by the jumpscares.

“What’s wrong, Toji? Aren’t you scared of those?” You questioned sweetly.

Your boyfriend scoffed.

“I’m scarier.”

…That was probably true. You had no idea what Toji did for work, but he did tell you that it was a dangerous job. That was kinda hot though. Jesus, you’re fucked up for liking that 😅

Eventually, the two of you would wander into the mask aisle. Toji jokingly put on a Michael Myers mask. He did it to be funny. But once he saw the insane blush on your cheeks, he started to catch on. His tiny girlfriend wasn’t just interested in Halloween for innocent reasons. She had a goddamn mask kink.

_______

You stared up at the Michael Myers mask, panting desperately as Toji’s cock drilled into your tight pussy. Your legs were spread impossibly wide to make room for him.

Toji’s waist was huge compared to your own, his chiseled abs glistening with sweat. He was breathing heavily as he fucked you good. But the panting sounds only reminded you of Myers even more. You could see your boyfriend’s sharp gaze peering down at you through the mask.

“Fuck, you’re such a whore,” Toji growled. “Thought you were innocent. Guess I was wrong.”

He held your waist firmly with his large hands. You wouldn’t be able to push him away if you wanted to stop. The thought of that made your brain turn to mush.

“Y-yes! I’m a whore for you, Toji…P-please don’t stop!” You begged even more. Your voice sounded so shrill and weak. You gasped with every sharp thrust.

Toji moaned lowly from the feeling of your tight pussy wrapped around his shaft. He was slamming right into your G-spot with every movement. It made you arch your back from the sensations.

“Shit…Can’t even fit all of me inside, huh? Such a pathetic little girl. I could break you, y’know.”

Toji knew how much you liked the size difference. He always brought attention to it whenever you had sex. It was difficult for him to achieve an orgasm with you due to your small pussy. Therefore he could last a lot longer, which you never complained about. You loved feeling him inside. And…That Myers mask was insanely hot.

“Y’er so fuckin’ wet from this mask,” Toji hissed. He grabbed your breast roughly and squeezed it with his powerful hand. You keened, whimpering and yelping as he picked up the pace.

“Ya like gettin’ fucked by a murderer, huh?”

You nodded your head enthusiastically, unable to form words any longer.

Toji smirked behind the mask. Little did you know, you actually got fucked by a murderer every night. ;)

Read more Toji here

#toji fushiguro smut #toji headcanons #toji imagines #toji smut #jujutsu toji #jjk toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji zenin #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #dilf toji #halloween #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujusu kaisen imagines #daddy toji #smut #libra

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owlgirl495 · 5 days ago

Text

ok, so i know i rarely actually post my own words on here but with the last 911 episode i’ve been wanting to say something.

i’ve been reading a lot of what people have written (and i’ve added my own thoughts in the tags of many posts) but now that i’ve had time to process a little, see what others are saying, and talk to my irl friends about it a little, there’s one thing that i’ve only seen mentioned like once and i wanna talk about some more. more people have probably mentioned this and i just probably haven’t seen it and these thoughts are subject to change and all that but here we go:

it makes me really upset how little of buck and tommy’s relationship we actually got to see. and i know that they can’t focus on a side plot like that for a super long time and that it’s not the bucktommy show but i was actually okay with only getting scraps until the breakup and here’s kind of why.

they’ve been dating for six months. SIX MONTHS. and they seem to know NOTHING about each other. and i truly didn’t get this vibe until the last episode (8x06) and i think that’s why it feels so off for me.

at the end of season 7 they looked like they were really trying to get to know each other both on and off screen, they were talking about important things with each other, and actually trying to have real conversations. and then in season 8 there’s just none of that.

i didn’t think anything of it at first because i figured they just had those conversations off-screen in the FOUR MONTHS we didn’t see. but with 8x06 it truly feels like they didn’t have a single real conversation that we hadn’t seen.

8x06 shows us that they don’t know about each others’ exs at all, buck doesn’t know how tommy views his sexuality, tommy doesn’t know that buck hates basketball, so what exactly have they been talking about outside of the silly goofyness of 911 subplots for six months??

tbh i understand having them break up (i really wanted them to be endgame but i understand if that was never actually the plan) but the way they broke up felt so wrong.

i would’ve even understood if the real reason they had broken up was because after six months they realized that they don’t actually know anything about each other but even so, until 8x06, that was never indicated. they had a couple serious conversations with each other in season 7 and since there were no hints either way, i had assumed those had continued off-screen.

to have a well-liked couple with a decent amount of screen time break up without showing us pretty much any of the actual downfall of the relationship, giving what felt like a shoehorned in reason for the breakup, and only giving us last minute hints at the possible actual reason for the relationship ending feels shitty, if i’m being real.

i know it’s just a fictional show and it’s not that serious but this really hurt. i hate how much i let this get to me but i really let this show get my hopes up. it was my main form of escapism and something that consistently made me happy outside of things in my everyday life that have been stressing me out. i thought i could sink a little further into it after the results of the election but now it’s no longer the same form of comfort for me.

i’ll probably still continue watching the show and i absolutely adore all the people i’ve gotten to interact with (even in my really small way of interacting) through this fandom but 911 does feel a little tainted for me at the moment.

i’m probably missing some stuff here and a lot of this is just rambling but that’s it for now, i hope you are all doing okay and hanging on to whatever you can to make this a little easier <3

#i’m just trying to make sense of this whole thing for me #and i hope you all are doing okay #or as okay as you can be #911 #911 abc #bucktommy #owl speaks #tevan

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jinkiezzsstuff · 8 months ago

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I absolutely loved the Emily and Charlie ideas you wrote so I was hoping to request another Charlie x male reader with some smut (but not the main focus). Idea being everyone going out for an evening with Charlie staying at the hotel to work, secretly wanting some company but telling everyone to have fun anyway. Reader didn't go out and found her later in the evening (maybe can tell how she's feeling) so offers some company/someone to cuddle. The main smut I'd like to include would be her leaving some scratch or kiss marks and her being quite touchy/hands on.

I’m so glad you enjoyed the others teehee i tried my best with this so i hope you enjoy it but im not too happy with how it turned out tbh, idk why, i guess it could be because i didn’t feel like during the smut scenes i did charlie justice, lmk what you think.

Charlie x male!reader

After Party

warnings: creampie, biting, scratching, kinda rushed smut, angsty charlie, possibly ooc charlie but i can’t tell, charlie n vaggie are friends, im not sure if there’s anything else, oh swearing, NOT PROOFREAD beware of errors.

word count: 2K

Charlie was tired. Between her father disbelieving in her, Alastor picking a fight with him, the failed meeting with Adam, and finding out Vaggie was an angel? She was over and exhausted. She tried to keep up her mood but she just couldn’t stop the spiralling thought process of handling everything on her own. It seemed like every step forward she had to take four steps back, nobody believed or respected her.

“Cmon, we needa little par-tay.” Angel whined pushing himself over the back of the couch dramatically. Charlie hummed, barely listening as the crowd of sinners lingered in the little living room-like area. “We don’t need anymore fuckin parties, spider.” Husk muttered before taking a big swig of his drink. “I don’t know, I think a little bit of recreational activity could really brighten the spirits!” Alastor exclaimed, and as much as Charlie would like to join the fun, if she didn’t finish up the work she had she knew it would only stress her out further, but she knew the others worked hard too and deserved a little treat.

Reaching into her pocket she pulled out some cash and beckoned over Alastor. “Here, why don’t you take everyone out to relax?” She said softly, despite her desire for company and hope that one of the few would stay back to assist. “Aren’tcha comin’ toots?” Angel who jumped up the moment Charlie pulled out money asked, putting one of his hands on her shoulder. “Oh no, i’ve got sooo much to do here, you guys go on without me! Bond a little!” She smiled as brightly as she could, although anyone with a keen eye could tell it was forced. In the back of her mind she was hoping for more punch back, more of her friends to beg her to come out with them, but instead they shrugged her off and left rather quickly.

Sighing Charlie rung her hands together and walked up the stairs slowly, vacant and alone, the hotel now seemed so eerie. She made her way to an office one that had been used by the whole team she had, so herself, Vaggie and Alastor. She plopped herself lazily on the ripped leather office chair, air slowly escaping the cheap foam as she did. Charlie couldn’t help the bitter feelings stirring around in her; she was always happy to help her friends and wanted them to have fun and relax, she just wished maybe they cared a little more about her? It was a confusing sensation, she knew Vaggie cared, but at times she felt more like a personal body guard rather than friend, and Alastor, she knew deep down, didn’t actually care.

Opening her phone she decided to try and ease her mind before sorting out the paperwork she had piling, unfortunately the universe wasn’t kind to her. Opening Sinstagram the first sight she was greeted with was Angels varying posts and stories which included all the crew members piled into a booth enjoying their drink of choice. It made a scorned yucky feeling of jealousy tangle within her stomach. Groaning she pulled open a drawer and stuck her phone in it, slamming it shut after. “It’s better to just work.” The princess mumble pulling the first stack of papers near her; the billing’s for their failed comercial.

After an hour of word Charlie sat back in her seat and messaged her sore neck. Pulling her phone from the drawer she checked the time. 23:48. Having no idea when the others would get back, she shuffled from the office to the second story balcony for some air. “Oh sorry I didn’t know you were here!” Charlie exclaimed, seeing you leant over the balcony railing. Looking over your shoulder you gave the little devil a warm smile. “You can join.” You say beckoning her forward, with a sigh and a forced smile Charlie came up alongside you, mimicking your stance. “What’re you still doing here?” Charlie questioned eyeing you from her peripheral. Your brow quirked and your face turned to confusion, with a quick hum you replied. “Just relaxing..?” The statement came out uncertain and wobbly, but you weren’t quite sure what she meant.

“No, i mean why didn’t you go out with the others?” Your head tilted back as you let out an ‘ah’, now understanding what she meant. “I just, well, this is the only time i get free yknow, always gotta be doing something so it’s nice to be alone, but i also want to have fun with them, but that drains me yknow?” Charlie quickly nodded her head at that completely understanding where you were coming from. “Yeah i know what you mean. I wish somebody stayed back with me.” Nudging yourself lightly into her, she met your eyes with curiosity floating in her own. “Well I stayed back, why don’t we relax together?” You suggest warmly, smiling fondly down at her. Charlie momentarily stuttered, blushing at the way her mind wandered to naughty places.

“Ahem, uh, sure! Yes! Let’s do that!” The princess fumbled, pushing herself away from your hold. You could tell she was flustered as she walked off leading you to whatever part of the hotel she’d choose to relax in, you felt a little voice in the back of your head egging you on to tease her, and who were you to deny your great mind. “Alrighty this it my room! Uhhh, why don’t we watch a movie or something..?” Charlie trailed off leading you into her bedroom.

You took a quick look around enjoying the aesthetic her room held. Charlie kicked her shoes off and pulled her jacket from her shoulders. “You can lounge on the bed if you want, i totally don’t mind!” You grinned and got onto the bed, watching as she frantically ran around “Calm down hun, you look real stressed.” You urged her frantic pacing causing loose hairs to tangle and fly out from her ponytail. “Ugh, i know!” Sighing she finally plopped on the bed beside you and laid back hands folded on her stomach and eyes closed. Leaning over slightly to look down on her, you observed her somewhat relaxed face as you watched her slow her breathing down. Assumably trying to cease the slow crawling panic that was clawing at her. “It may be a little forward but I heard compression and hugs can help stress, you wanna cuddle or some shit?” Your voice came out slightly tight a little unsure of how to go about the request. Charlie’s eyes fluttered opened and blinked toward you, after a moment of silent contemplation Charlie sighed happily opening her arms. With a huff and a smile you scooted down, wrapping your arms around her while laying beside her.

She scooted up into your side, her right hand sliding up your chest and around your shoulder. It sent shivers down your spine, and blood straight to your dick, embarrassingly so. Ignoring the sensation, your hand gently traced shapes into Charlie’s side where your arm was placed. Charlie’s head slowly lifted and shifted from the bed to your chest, tucking herself under your chin. Her hair tickled at your nose and chin, you could smell her shampoo and the perfume she’d used. You tightened your grip subtly, enjoying the warmth she let off, and with a hum she swung one of her legs over your hips, twisting her body entirely against you.

You took a deep breath attempting to calm your heart and the tightening sensation in your pants. Like the devil spawn she is, Charlie began tracing your chest, flattening her palm against your chest and trailing down from your neck, to the hem of your jeans, and back up to your neck again. Taking a deep breath you brought your hand up to you with her hair in attempts to distract you.

“Thanks for this.” She mumbled nuzzling her face further into your chest. You hummed eyes lazily dancing around shapes your eyes made up on the canopy above. “Any time.” You replied after a moment. The two of you laid there silently, softly the two of you let your hands drift across eachother innocently. It wasn’t until charlie’s hand ducted under your shirt to touch your bare chest that the air in the room got thick and heated. Breath hitching you zeroed in on her claws softly scratching down your chest. “Charlie,” You warned as her claw nicked the waistband of your jeans. Charlie knew good and well what she was doing, could you blame her? You’ve always been so attentive to her feelings and emotional state, the first to check on her after a stressful situation and give her the best advice you could.

With sudden need shooting through Charlie she straddled your waist bracing herself against your chest. Your hands reflexively went to her hips, eyes shooting up to meet her own attempting to figure out what the hell she was doing. She traced her claws down your tshirt covered chest, and when she made it to the bottom her hands wiggled underneath the fabric to paw at your warm skin. As she did you traced circles on her hips, and quirked a questioning brow at her. “Whatcha up to princess?” Charlie smiled shyly, trying to hide her face in her shoulder. “I just want to repay you for your kindness towards me.”

Your face twisted with worry, abruptly you sat up, making her gasp and tucked your hands behind her back to keep her from falling. “I don’t want you to feel like you owe me,” You quickly say, however Charlie pushed you back down, shushing you as she did. “It’s more then just that, i think you know they though. Let’s relax, desttress.” With that being said, you tossed aside your tshirt while Charlie eagerly undid your pants, hands shaking as she did. Your hands decided not to diddly saddle and undo her pants simultaneously, needing to feel her speedily.

You were already achingly hard, precum dripping down your shaft as Charlie shakily gripped you giving your head a soft squeeze. Pulling her hand away Charlie kicked off the pants that clung underneath her knees, and readied herself against you. You hummed out in pleasure relaxing into the mattress as she sunk down onto you, above you Charlie whimpered and squeezed her eyes shut, clenching onto every vein and ridge. It was delectable, she couldn’t understand why she’d never gone for this before. Bottoming out, Charlie’s legs shook, her body would involuntarily convulse every now and again as she attempted to adjust to the size of you. Falling forward unable to keep herself up she sunk her nails into your chest making you groan deeply, bucking your hips up into hers.

Nuzzling herself into your neck as you took the reigns, thrusting up into her at a steady pace, she began to leave teeth marks and hickies along your neck, desperate moans broken out between nips and bites. Your arms encased her pulling her near as you roughly fucked up into her at a brutal pace, her juices dripping down you. Erotic, loud slapping noises were all that you could hear in the room accompanied by Charlie’s whimpers and please. “Fuckkk, yknow how long i’ve waited for this? They don’t know what their missing not staying around someone like you.” You say splaying your fingers through her hair as you do, at this point Charlie’s body laid limp atop your own, your knees up and angled to continue your rapid pace.

“Please,” Charlie begged clenching tightly around you, you huffed out a moan that you attempted to cover and slid your hands down to squeeze her ass. Groaning loudly, you pushed her over, still inside you hovered over her, pulling her legs up over your shoulders to gain new access. With this angle you were able to hit different areas making Charlie squeal. “Oh fuck Charlie,” You groaned as your balls slapped against her ass, finally you felt the band snapping and slowly you filled her with cum, pumping all of what you had inside her. Charlie cried out clenching, and convulsing against you. She tried to inch away screaming your name loudly as she road out her high against you. When the two of you had finished, catching your breaths, you laid beside her, pulling her into your chest.

She rolled her head from one side to face you, her eyes glazed over barely seeming like she was there. “Didja mean what you said about wanting this for so long?” You nodded at her, the softness in her voice was music to your ears and made goosebumps crawl against your skin. “Yeah, since i got here, you’ve had my eye.” Humming softly the princess said nothing, but buried her head in your chest.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel imagine #hazbin hotel oneshots #charlie magne x reader #charlie x male reader #charlie x reader #charlie morningstar x reader #charlie morningstar x male reader #charlie magne smut

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britcision · 4 months ago

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Can I inflict a thought on you?

Apiary dynamics dungeon meshi party. It's an affliction that's technically non-human in origin. It makes all of their specific tendencies even worse. They can only separate so far. Everyone can only deal with some of the consequences.

-Faer

👀

I mean I’m chewing my way slowly through the omegaverse version so it’s not out of my way

(The elves have weaponized their omegas’ “if the fight gets to us it’s to the death IMMEDIATELY” lack of chill to form the Canaries)

I gotta do a rerun through the levels but off the top of my head I am gonna start unconventional

Chilchuck’s the queen

It’s his dad energy. He doesn’t necessarily accept anyone he works with into the hive, but all the half-foots are his and hooboy does it make him cranky to be away from the guild HQ

But he couldn’t let any of his people go down to the dungeon as deep as Laios and Falin were planning, so he dusted off his gear and assumed it’d be quick

Except

Falin caught Apiary

And Chilchuck has not yet worked out how to get her into his hive-union cuz she’s definitely not a half-foot, but the adoption process already started

(Godiva’s tempting for Falin with her healing to have the nurse/caretaker role, but she’s just so bonk happy I’m going with Arcadia. She likes to go and collect things and gather up the bugs and bring people snacks, she basically did not notice any change

She’s just. Slightly more insistent that people eat the things she brings them. And more likely to run off after shiny things)

None of them know Chilchuck’s a queen, and at first it was only Falin so he was just Suffering but making do

But Falin died

And that’s his goddamn hivemate he’s not going anywhere like it or not - maybe being estranged from his bio kids (they did not agree to move and join the union and he’s. Not up to trying to persuade them.) makes him overly aggressive, or just overly protective and unusually likely to risk himself rather than his hivemates

(He’s still not goddamn fighting and you can’t make him this is what he has hivemates for!)

Senshi is sitting on the Arcadia/Godiva line too, because he is a hive of one but did not question why he fell so easily in with Laios (Chilchuck’s) group

(Chilchuck is not sure how he keeps acquiring all these other definitely-not-half-foots as hivemates (it’s because you keep leaving the hive and miss your kids sir you’re pack bonding with rocks) but dammit he’s got another one)

Marcille and Laios don’t catch apiary until they get hit with the dryad spores in the dungeon’s depths, but they’re both Ivanhoes so there are no immediate consequences if you don’t count them both suddenly getting way more protective of the others

Izutsumi is Izutsumi

Both Flokes are Godiva, Tansu’s the queen and yes this is why they acquire new grandbabies so readily

And because I’m Basic™️, the Canaries!

Cithis is not apiary but she can and will steal every single fucking hive she sees, immaculate queen vibes

Lycion’s a Godiva, natural caretaker who is the tank pretty much by default so he gets antsy when he has to do combat chores rather than tending to his hive

Fleki isn’t apiary but she’s godiva-sexual because godDAMN she needs someone competent to take care of her and she likes belonging

Otta has had shots to prevent catching apiary but they make her read like a Libertine (drone) to the other bees. She is very okay with this

Pattadol has only just got her anti-apiary shots but it might be too late for her tbh

Flamela’s a Quixote, she caught it from her twin after they got a visit from the capital (mmmmmm high rates of apiary among noble elves? Maybe?), her twin was being raised to be the next queen but Flamela’s just waaaaaaay too aggressive and wants to stab everything

This makes it significantly harder for her to work with Mithrun, who was a Quixote before he got broken by the demon and is now a deeply fucked up little Godiva

(because he really does try and save every single dungeon lord. All of them. He wants to help them, get them away and let them recover too. And if they won’t he’ll kill them)

This leads to them butting heads all the harder because Flamela’s instincts insist Mithrun should be the one sticking behind her and letting her go do the dangerous shit, but all of their orders INSIST Mithrun go running face first into danger and she has to hang back

And neither of them are gonna disobey the queen but Mithrun’s just not particularly connected to his gender for anything except the dungeon lords, so he doesn’t act like a Godiva except when he’s around a dungeon, and then he’s full Mama Bear and you stay the fuck outta his way until he determines if this dungeon lord is Baby (to be saved) or Toast

(He still doesn’t feel any of his apiary needs either, but the squad try and feed those for him by eating in front of him and taking care of him alongside their own care routines, so they can make sure he’s alright and he can see they are too

Most of that falls on Lycion as their other Godiva but it feeds his gender needs too so it all works out)

Milsiril’s actually secretly winning the record for Most Broken Godiva though (she hoards children, easy) because she constantly craves a caregiving role, but her own special brand of dungeon PTSD and asocial personality disorder make it extremely hard for her to actually form the interpersonal bonds that would make it satisfying for her

So her serial-parenting of shorter lived folks gets drastically worse, she’s the most helicopter of helicopter parents, and occasionally (regularly) leaves any trip to town with more kids than she started with

Milsiril is no longer allowed to go into town

She also absolutely did try and kidnap Mithrun into her hive rather than letting him go to fight the demon, it was 1000% a trap but because she can’t form bonds well and Mithrun can’t form bonds at all he basically wandered off one day while the kids were being noisy and they both forgot about the whole thing

Milsiril doesn’t remember it until Kabru mentions meeting Mithrun after everything’s over so she does make another vague ploy to kidnap him but Mithrun’s busy making noodles with Senshi and doesn’t notice

Kabru has had every apiary shot and takes his meds every day he is NOT catching what Milsiril got… but he’s real good at spotting it in others and playing it up

Edit: for anyone wondering about apiary:

@faeriekit I dunno if you expected this much but if not you should have by now 😅

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #apiary gender #apiary au

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atsvmi · 2 years ago

Text

Isagi’s Interlude

“I wish I wasn’t famous/ I wish I was still in school/ So that I could have you in my dorm room/ I would put it on you crazy” - Cece’s Interlude, Drake

✿ tags: minors dni, 18+ content, pro!Isagi, fem!reader (called good girl, wears a skirt, has cleavage, etc.), established relationship, mention of an age difference (reader is older than Isagi, both are in their 20s), consensual audio recording, role play (university students), switch!Isagi, switch!reader, oral (male receiving), humping, unprotected sex, mentions of virginity but neither is a virgin, purity kink, corruption kink (?), one mention of a spoiler, tbh i think this is pwp but idk

✿ wc: 3.5k

✿ a/n: the time has come that i officially am no longer catfishing as a writing blog🥳 please clap. also, this is my first time writing smut so please be kind<3

“Do you think we’d still date if we knew each other when we were in school?”

Your question is a random but welcomed conversation as you both work to reset your shared kitchen after dinner, you wash as he dries. In the seconds between the next clean dish, he pauses to consider his answer, before choosing to reach for low-hanging fruit.

“Do you mean high school? If so then...I hope not,” he finally answers. He can’t help but laugh as you fling the excess water and soap from your fingers onto him in indignation.

“No, I didn’t mean fucking high school. And quit making me seem like a fucking cradle robber, asshole.” You’ve been together long enough that the four-year age difference between the two of you is little more than a fun fact and a harmless joke at times. He can sense your annoyance is mostly for show but he chooses not to push any further.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry,” he manages to get out between chuckles, fending himself from the assault of suds. Again he pauses to really think about what could’ve been. What would he have studied? Would he manage to get into a university with a good team? How would you manage to cross paths? He realizes it’s hard to consider anything when he doesn’t know much about your own school experience outside of the anecdotal stories you’ve told him.

“Tell me what you were like in school first.”

You resume washing the dishes, multitasking as you answer him.

“Um…pretty lame honestly. I wrote for the school’s newspaper. I wasn’t super active on campus but that made me get out there more than I would’ve on my own. But I did go to some parties.”

He lets your answer sink in.

“Yeah, I think we would’ve still got along. You don’t sound like you were much different from now so I don’t see why not.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he can see your lips turn slightly up, pleased with his answer. Cute.

“Do you ever think about your life if things turned out differently? Like if Blue Lock never happened?”

He can’t say he has. Blue Lock changed his life on its head completely, it’s hard to imagine things working out any differently. Tada and the others he went to school with were freshly graduated, at least according to their social media updates, so he supposes he would be too. Yet still, it’s hard to think about something so different than today.

“I dunno. I can’t really picture it. Actually, I don’t even want to. If I didn’t go to Blue Lock then who knows if I’d ever get the chance to play the soccer I want to. I’d probably never get to play professionally either.” He lets his train of thought wander, eventually realizing that without playing professionally, who knows if he’d ever cross paths with you. He buries the thought before it can even fully form and upset himself in the process.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” you conclude as you hand him the final dish. “I’m gonna get ready for bed. Can you just finish up here by sweeping?”

He nods in the affirmative, which you thank with a kiss that just misses his lips before leaving in the direction of the bedroom. Left with only his thoughts he can’t help but think a bit more about what could’ve been.

Obviously, he’d continue playing soccer as long as possible. Sure his high school team wasn’t amazing, but maybe through tryouts he’d end up at a decent enough school. And he’s always liked art class. Maybe he would’ve tried to pursue a fine arts degree? Or physical therapy to help athletes just in case soccer really didn’t pan out. But what then? For someone who’s built an entire soccer career around the ability to visualize a scenario, he really can’t help but to draw a blank.

Distracted by being in his own head, finishing around the kitchen takes longer than usual. When he finally manages to make his way to your shared room, he just manages to hear the sink’s water turn off, a sign that you’re at the tail end of your nightly routine.

He turns down the bed, first removing the many throw pillows you insist are necessary (a mild point of contention in his opinion. After all, what good is a pillow you’re not even allowed to lay on?) and then making himself comfortable using the “sleeping pillows” to prop himself up against the headboard, occupying himself by scrolling on the phone while he waits for you to make your way to bed. Despite it being the off-season he’s scheduled to meet with a trainer to maintain his conditioning so an early night is in order.

The click of the bathroom door opening draws his eyes but more importantly, what you’ve decided to wear to bed has his full attention.

“Baby, you look-” he starts before you cut him off.

“Is this still a good time for the interview?”

“Interview?”

He’s never been so confused in his life. And even worse, he can’t even dedicate half of his mind to start to comprehend what you’re playing at when he’s busy eyeing you from head to toe. The only thing on his mind is the oversized replica of his Bastard München jersey you’ve tied at your waist and the shortest skirt he’s ever seen. If he were to turn you around he’s sure that it’d cover absolutely nothing he’s sure a skirt is meant to. But even more captivating is the pair of thigh highs that indent into your skin the same way his fingers do when he-

“Yes? The post-game interview. I was hoping to get a quote for the paper from the player that scored the winning goal.”

“Uhh…” Is the most intelligent answer he can muster as he watches you climb onto the bed with a pad of paper and pen in hand. The size of the jersey only frames your cleavage as it gapes open thanks to gravity. Eventually, you make yourself comfortable, legs tucked under you and pen poised to take notes of his response.

“Is it ok if I record this,” you ask, sliding your phone on the nightstand, voice recorder rolling once he manages a stiff nod of his head. You continue. “So what were you thinking in that last play? It was pretty amazing if I say so myself.”

“Winning goal?” He should feel embarrassed by the way he can’t pull his eyes from your legs but the slither of skin between where your skirt ends and the socks begin is calling his name. It’s like he’s in high school again the way he can feel the blood rush from his head. Only your groan of annoyance gives him the strength to meet your eyes again.

“Babe, it’s called role play,” you say as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe in some ways, it is.

“Right. Role play.” A beat passes. “What exactly are the roles we’re playing?”

The look you give him makes his cock twitch in his pants.

“Obviously, you’re the star of our university’s soccer team and I am the reporter assigned to cover the season. You just scored the championship goal. Aaaand scene,” you drop your pen and paper to clap for extra effect and then grab both again, poised and ready for his answer.

Truthfully, he can hardly keep up with your antics but that’s never stopped him from trying. He’s had enough practice managing eccentric personalities from the cast of characters Blue Lock managed to put together so this is nothing but a cakewalk. The fact he’s in love with you only makes your idiosyncrasies endearing.

“Right.” He clears his throat, buying time. “I try to keep a cool head and focus on the field whenever I’m playing. A championship game doesn’t change that.”

You scratch something down on the notepad before continuing.

“And how do you feel now that you’ve won?”

“It’s a big achievement to win the championship for the school, and even more so to be the one to finish the game. I just hope to do even better next year.”

This time you jot away a bit longer, leaving his attention to wander back to your outfit. He reaches out a hand to appreciate the getup, running his hand up your knee to just under the hem of your skirt.

“Mr. Isagi you seem pretty distracted. Are you sure this is still a good time?”

“Call me Yoichi”. He doesn’t move his hand away when he answers.

Again you put down your props, seemingly for good as they rest next to your phone.

“I suppose this is probably too boring of a celebration for a star player like yourself. I should probably let you go back to the team for a proper congratulations. I’m sure you have quite the fan club waiting for you.”

“I doubt it. I’ve never been that popular.”

With that, you scoot closer, letting your legs fall open so that he can get the slightest glimpse between your legs if your skirt were to ride up even the slightest centimeter.

“That sounds doubtful. Who wouldn’t want a chance with Isagi Yoichi? Ace of the soccer team. Handsome and nice to boot.”

Despite complimenting his personality, your attention is focused on his physique, eyes roaming across his body appreciatively. He doesn’t fail to notice that you linger a second longer where the sheets have started to tent.

“Do you think it’d be ok if I properly congratulated you,” you ask, resting a hand on the sheet, ready to pull it away at a moment’s notice. You both have a healthy sex life, both well accustomed to initiating, but it’s rare for you to be so forward. He might pass out if you wait any longer to touch him.

“Congratulations? What did you have in mind?” Is all he can get out, forcing you to get straight to the point.

“Let me suck your cock. As a congratulations on a job well done.” Your hand cups his length through both the layers of the sheet, his joggers, and underwear, but he swears he could still cum with the slightest amount of friction he’s so wound up.

“Yeah. Yes. Please.” He’s near breathless, he wants you so badly.

Not a second is wasted before you have him bare from the waist down. He completes the look by pulling his shirt over his head, throwing the offending article wherever it chooses to land. All the while, you shimmy yourself down between his legs. Sure he’s the one fully naked but the eroticism of the sight before him already has him on the brink of cumming.

His name emblazoned between your shoulder blades is something he still has yet to learn to be normal about, but more than that, he finds that he was right about your skirt not covering an inch of your backside. However, what he wasn’t expecting was for it to perfectly frame the curve of your ass since you’ve apparently decided to forego underwear.

“Fuck me,” he gets out in only a puff of air.

“In due time, Mr. Yoichi,” is all you offer before kissing the mushroom tip, smearing the precum that’s collected on your lips, and then swallowing all that will comfortably fit in your mouth. It takes all the strength he can muster to not instinctively buck into you but he can’t hide the deep groan that comes out involuntarily as he meets the entrance of your throat.

“Fuck. You’re so good at this. Always so good,” he offers as he bundles your hair into his fist, slowly guiding you up and down his length. The praise leads you to moan around him, getting him even closer to the brink of cumming.

To get a better view he props himself up on one shaky arm, massaging all that he can reach, as you use your other hand to fondle his balls. Mere minutes pass before he starts to feel the familiar pit of pleasure begin to grow in his belly and it takes all his willpower to pull you off of him before he cums from the added stimulation. It’s next to a miracle that he manages to hold off even after he’s pulled you off once he sees the thick strings of saliva that still connect the two of you.

“I wasn’t done yet,” you have the audacity to pout.

“I didn’t want to cum yet,” he answers. Even to his own ears, he sounds debauched.

While still catching his breath he pulls you close, encouraging you to straddle him. You do and let out quiet moans as you rut your bare pussy against his length. Despite being so close to cumming before, he’s happy to let you do as you please. When your legs eventually tire, he switches to using both hands on your waist to manhandle you the way he knows you like.

“Tell me how you feel, sweetheart.” He can’t get enough of your sounds, no matter how small. To see how much of a mess you’re making he flips the front of your skirt, his tip coming in and out of view as he rocks you back and forth.

“So good, Yoichi. Your hands feel so good.”

He knows it’s not enough to get you off, that you need more. Eventually, he stops, pulling you down so that your chests meet. If you really want to role play, he figures he should get into the role he’s been assigned.

“Is there more to my award,” he asks, hands roaming under the jersey and under your skirt. There’s nowhere his hands don’t explore while he waits for your answer.

“W-what more do you want?”

He moves his right hand so that it’s between your bodies, spreading your pussy lips so that he can fully appreciate the wetness that’s accumulated. He uses his full palm to rub your clit while he answers.

“You said you’d fuck me in due time, yeah? Or were you all talk?”

“Um…about that.” Your eyes are fluttering, struggling to stay open and focus on his words. He feels like he’s on top of the world seeing how he can ruin you. “I have to t-tell you something.”

“I’m listening baby.” His voice is muffled as he leaves kisses across your neck and cheeks. Anywhere he can reach while you still use him to get off.

“I’ve never done this before.” Your eyes meet.

The proverbial record scratches and again he’s confused.

“What do you mean, you’ve never done this before?” Sure you both have busy schedules but there’s no way this is new to either of you. As a matter of fact, it couldn’t be more than a week since he had you in this exact position-

“I was a virgin when I got to college,” you whisper directly in his ear.

Again you have the upper hand as it feels like he’s been doused with a bucket of ice. The feeling only lasts a second though before it feels like every nerve lights up once he connects that this is still a part of the scene you’ve conjured. Oh.

The idea of you as a virgin has never crossed his mind once until this very moment. Given the age you were when you met, he had no reason to give it consideration. It’s not like he was even a virgin when you met. He makes a mental note to do some soul-searching later to find out why he’s rock hard and nearly brought back to the brink of cumming at the mere idea.

“Do…do you want to keep going?”

You laugh. A full out belly laugh.

“Yoichi, you're so cute. Only you would still be so considerate even in a fantasy.”

If all the blood in his body wasn’t occupied he’d probably blush at your teasing.

“I fucking love you,” you emphasize with a kiss. “Yes, I want to continue.”

Not another word is needed before he’s fully plunged back into the world you’ve created. No, he's never thought about you as a virgin but now that the seed has been planted he’s going to absolutely ruin you.

Within a breath, he’s switched your positions, now with you on your back and him pulling your legs onto his lap as he sits above you.

“Tell me if anything is too much, ok?” He preambles before he sucks both his ring and middle fingers, slowly pushing in one finger, then the other when he deems you ready.

Now that you’re fully on display for him he can’t help but stare. Again, the skirt hides absolutely nothing but he does push the jersey so that your tits are on display for him as well. Seeing you dressed but so exposed has his head swimming.

“You’re so pretty. Prettiest thing I’ve seen on campus.” If he’s going to play along, then he might as well go all out.

He bends at the waist to take in one tit, using his tongue to lick at and bite your nipple, before turning his attention to the other all the while he doesn’t stop pumping his fingers into you.

“Yoichi, please. I need you,” you whine.

He takes pity on you and moves from your chest and back up to your lips, kissing you deeply. God, he’s so in love with you.

“I’m sorry, baby. I just wanted to make sure you were good and ready. I want to make sure I don’t hurt you.”

“I promise I’m ready.”

“Ok, ok. I hear you. But can you do me a favor and clean my fingers for me?”

As soon as his request hits his ears your mouth falls open in a way that can only be described as obedient. He lets you suck at both his fingers until he removes them himself, the way your tongue slips between them turning him on all the more.

“So good for me. I really am a lucky guy, huh?” He watches you preen under his praise as he reaches next to your head for an extra pillow, lifting your hips to situate it underneath you.

“Ok, if you need me to stop just tell me, ok? For any reason.” You nod your head yes.

“Need to hear you say it.”

“Yes, Yoichi. I promise.”

“That’s my good girl.”

He locks his hand in yours before he finally presses into you, both of you moaning as he works his hips into you. It’s a fantasy, sure, but he’s as mindful as he can be to be slow and let you get accustomed to him, even if it’s far from your first times, or even 48 hours since he last fucked you.

He’s captivated by the way your mouth falls open as he fucks into you. It’s familiar but entrances him every time. When you give the go ahead he increases his pace, working at that spot he knows gets you there the fastest.

“More, need more,” and he knows exactly what you need, licking his thumb before rubbing against your clit in tight circles. It’s only through time and experience that he knows exactly how to work your body, confirmed by the way you babble his name as if it’s the only word you know.

“You’re taking me so well. Feel so good, so tight. Can feel you squeezing me. You gonna cum for me?”

“Yeah. Gonna cum for you. So fucking close.” You’re wrecked.

“I know, baby. Tell me what you need.”

“Kiss me.”

Your wish is his command, him meeting your waiting mouth. It’s barely a kiss as you can hardly meet his mouth between your moans but he swallows them all dutifully. It’s when your back arches and you fall near silent beside one final cry of his name does he know that you’re cumming. He pulls away to watch you fall apart.

“That’s my girl. So beautiful. Let it out for me.” The vice around his cock makes it difficult to fuck you through your orgasm but he powers through. Only once you relax does he rut into you a few more times before he loses himself, filling you as deeply as he can manage.

It’s silent once he collapses next to you, both catching your breath. When he catches his breath before you he departs with a peck to your lips before he leaves for the bathroom, returning with a damp rag.

“If that’s what I missed out on then I wouldn’t have minded going to school,” he breaks the reverie, cleaning between your legs before his cum has a chance to cool and become uncomfortable.

“Well, I’m glad everything worked out the way it did. Now I can have you all to myself,” you smile at him. He thinks his heart might burst.

“Yeah…that’s true too. Maybe everything worked out the way it did so that we could meet each other?”

“God, you're so sappy. Gross.” You both know you don’t mean it.

“Yeah, yeah. I love you too.” He once again bends at the waist to meet your lips. Gross or not he’s glad things aligned to this very moment.

You meet him halfway, sitting up on one arm to brush away his damp bangs. When you pull away you meet his gaze.

“I really, really do fucking love you, Yoichi”.

Yeah, he’s sure he’d meet you in every universe.

#isagi x reader #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi smut #isagi yoichi smut #blue lock x reader #bluelock x reader #blue lock smut #bluelock smut #i’m going to walk away from this site for 48 hours out of shame #(me lying)

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nereidprinc3ss · 6 months ago

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hi! wondering how you think spencer (in dybmn specifically) would react to other guys hitting on you

18+

ok controversial take alert (welcome to my blog) but….. i think he’d be like….. lowkey proud….

cause he doesn’t think of you as something he owns, but you do belong to him if that makes sense, just as he belongs to you. he’s not insecure when other guys hit on you because he knows as long as you keep choosing to show up with him and hang on to his arm all night there’s nothing to worry about. and i think in his head he’s like yeah tbh i don’t blame them. i would also hit on her given the chance.

and then he remembers he DOES have the chance like… all the time, and he can lean down and whisper rlly out of pocket things into your ear and then act like nothing happened.

im specifically imagining a scenario where like you’re at a work function or something and guys have been flirting w you all night. so he does that just to tease and then some guy comes up to the two of you and is like obviously trying to covertly hit on you under the guise of conversation with both of you and spencer is just taking it at 100% face value and being really friendly and earnest in the conversation bc he knows you’re still processing what just happened. he likes knowing that this guy has no idea what he just said to you and is standing there flirting with you in front of your boyfriend and ur not even paying attention bc ur having incredibly impure thoughts abt said boyfriend

#asks #headcanons

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bronx-bomber87 · 7 months ago

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Hello my wonderful fandom :) Thank you for all your lovely comments on me being delayed. Not my usual M.O. but I definitely needed the extra time to process. I was GUTTED and absolutely wrecked. Poor D had to deal with my panic spiral for most of Wednesday. (love you lol) I'll be honest I'm still little shook up and sad. Kinda grateful for the 3 week break tbh between episodes. This was a gut punch I wasn't in the least expecting. Hoping we'll get a S7 announcement during this hiatus. *fingers crossed* Get it together ABC. This took me awhile to unpack emotionally so thank you all again for being so patient.

So I want to preface this post. There will be ZERO And I mean ZERO bashing of Tim in this review from me. Would appreciate that in comments as well. I love conversation you know I love comments. What I don't like is hate being spread. Also nothing on Eric either. I've also seen this which is utter madness. Don't touch our captain. Man loves this fandom so much. Deserves respect. If you came to this review for either of those things please promptly exit stage left. I mean that in the kindest way possible but I love Tim/Eric so it's a non starter with me.

I’ve never so deeply related with a character in all my life as I have with Tim Bradford. I’ll be dissecting this ep to best of my ability. I love both these characters so very much. Why I was knocked out for a couple days before could tackle this. I imagine my thoughts will change when I do my summer in depth one. When we have the rest of the season in pocket. I have to say this won't be mini at all. LOL So lets get rid of that concept right now ha I can't be mini with this ep. I am not brief so thanks for reading. Also hats off to Eric my god he was incredible in this episode. Melissa too killing me left, right and center you two. Let us get started.

6x06 Secret and Lies.

Poor Lucy looks like me when I’m stressed and drained af. Tamara asking how stressed she currently is? Lucy answering 19.....She looks like a 19 if not worse tbh. This is probably the most time they've spent apart since they got together. Basically living together at this point let's be honest. Other than 6x01 they haven't really spent time apart aside from that UC op in 5x21. *sigh*

Tamara asking if Tim is still ghosting her? Lucy trying so hard to keep it together with her answer. My heart. What a wreck she is without Tim. Do love that we get to see her pin-up board btw. Good shot of her room we don’t usually get. That cupcake poster I love it so much. Although now it makes me sad...

Lucy asking what's wrong? Tamara telling her she wants to move out with some friends from school. Crap. Her moving is the last thing she needs…. But it's good for her even though the idea makes me sad. End of an era. Lucy is right she needs to live with people her own age. Doesn’t make it hurt less though. This is a ROUGH season for Lucy my god. The hits keep coming for our girl and I wanna hug her. Shield her somehow....

Lucy touching near her tattoo when she reaches Angela. (Mini gut punch.) I do love her coming to Angela about this. If there is anyone who knows Tim like she does it's Angela. Does help she finds his behavior alarming too. I mean of course she does. You can see the immediate worry. The empathy she has for Lucy is there but she holds her cards close in her advice. Telling her to trust him even though it's literally killing her. Not the council Lucy needed to hear or was looking for.

Lucy wanted more action than 'Just wait and trust him.' She has been trusting him but she’s so insanely worried. Going out of her mind with anxiety for her person. It's exuding out of of her and she looks like she wants to cry…Ugh me too Lucy. I’m an empath and an anxious one at that. I would be going out of my mind too…. Angela looks worried as hell though. Even though she isn't conveying that to Lucy at this point. Breaking my heart as she takes off from their convo. Because if she doesn't she'll lose it right then and there.

God I love Angela Lopez. First off well done on tracking him down. She's just a bad ass. I mean it's one of the reason's Lucy reached out to her tbh. Just gets into his car, drinking his soda, calling him out right away. I love her reasoning saying she can live off Wesley’s trust fund. Lmao. Doesn’t matter as much if she get's fired. 'Wine o'clock.' for her. Gotta love the confidence. I truly hope we get more Tim/Angela scenes the rest of this season. I always adore their dynamic.

Tim is sold on her reasoning and starts to explain the current situation he's trapped in. Angela taking it all in and assessing everything as he explains. Once Tim has succinctly summed up his current predicament Angela's reply is the best. 'I’m in.' lmao I love this woman. ‘I got your back boo.’ That she does. In more ways than he even realizes at this point.

Gotta commend Angela calling him out for walking away from Lucy. Not only that but his job to arrest a guy hasn’t thought of in a decade…. Ain’t no one better than her to be there to call him out his crap right now. Not only that but to really dig deep. To know this is far more than what he's sharing. This is why Angela is an incredible detective rooting things out like this. Saying this is more than just protecting Lucy. Her intuition is out of this world.

I mean she's not wrong. Lucy would understand if it was just about the benefits. She would be proud really. Thing is it's about protecting himself too. Which really just scratches the surface of why he is doing this. Tim knows he's caught even if he shrugs it off. She has him dead to rights and he knows it. 'I’m your BFF. I know you.' Ha it’s true whether you like it or not Timothy…Just like Lucy she has your number.

Angela giving him crap with how they're following Ray. Worried he isn't being smart about this. This is so unlike him to be this sloppy and unfocused. She was right he was tailing too close… Ray catches on to their tail quickly. When he scanned the vehicle made me so nervous. Doing it while he's taunting Tim. He's so detail oriented blows my mind Tim let that get by him. This SL gave me such MASSIVE anxiety as I watched it. Oh my lord.

The minute they get back to Angela's place she calls him out once again. Asking why he thinks this is ALL his fault? Tim shrugs it off and she refuses to take that as his final answer. Of course Angela was right there is far more to this story. Tim finally opens up to her about what happened. He had been leading his squadron for some time. Looking to move up to Sergeant.

The catch was he couldn’t be promoted if there was rampant criminality in his unit. Ray clearly was in the way of him moving up. Tim figured he could keep it within his unit if they went after him.. Oh Tim…. It was an unsanctioned mission too. Thinking if he could accomplish this would be easy fast track to his promotion.

Kills me to know he was there during the air strike ugh… Details missing from the last episode. The Humvee saved him and Mark but not his other men… I can't imagine what Tim felt in that moment. The immense amount of guilt laid on his soul from here on out. I mean it makes sense why he never left patrol before Lucy. The last time he tried to advance his career this happened. My broken boy.

Eric CRUSHES this scene. I wanna cry. My poor Timothy. He was more focused more on his career than his oath...Got two of his men killed. My damn heart. He’s so ashamed of himself. The way he points at himself when he says 'leadership.' I knew his military past would be dark but holy crap. I wanted more of his backstory and they delivered that in spades. What a gut punch this had to be for him. No doubt his men were loyal af to him. Would've followed him anywhere and did.

He carries leading those men to their deaths because they followed his leadership. Oof. That is quite the weight to keep on your soul. Also gives us insight to why he shoulders everything. Even when he doesn't have to. Punishing himself for past transgressions such as this. I'm sure when we get to the other side of this season, I will have an even deeper respect for the writers going into his backstory like this. Giving us even more insight to this man.

This hurts so good to get this kind of info. I have no doubt that’s why he shut Lucy out. The shame he feels is overwhelming. I totally get it. Nothing scarier than someone knowing your darkest secrets. Not only that but worrying they’ll think less of you due to it. Tim already struggles with self loathing. Been a theme for him his entire arc on this series. Something I've touched on a lot. This is truly bringing that to light in the most painful way.

We see Ray scanned Tim's car in order to gain access to it. To check his GPS to see where he's been. How he's been tracking him. When he scrolls down to Lucy's address. Made my stomach sink. Legit felt sick to my stomach....

I do love Lucy coming home and having Tamara there. Saying she ordered pizza for them. This is exactly what she needs. Do you really have to go Tamara? I wonder if she'll delay leaving now after this ep. There is a knock at the door and of course it's not the pizza. It's Ray. Hair's on the back of my neck stood up from the moment he entered that apt.

I know Melissa stated in her interview she was nervous about this scene. That she came off awkward in her anger. You are incorrect madam. Holy hell Lucy is a BAMF. Telling him the only call she's gonna make is for the ambulance. Because when she's done with him he's going to need it to wheel him out. Holds her ground like the confident bad ass we've all loved seeing her become.

Lucy calling him shaking and demanding where he was. Ooh lord hell fire coming with her through that front door. I love Angela grabbing Tamara to another room. Like let's go mom and dad are about to have a big blow out. Let's give them some space...

Tim asking if she's ok? Truly concerned but Lucy isn't having ANY of it. 'Do I look ok?' Damn no she doesn't....Ripping into him saying how that creep could've showed up when she wasn't there. Lucy is not wrong....Oh my lord I’ve never seen her so damn mad. She is RAGING at him and rightfully so. Her home was violated, Tamara was put in danger and threatened. All because Tim was trying to protect her. phew.

Tim FINALLY concedes to telling her something. It only seems to enrage her more. She is literally vibrating with anger in this scene with him. The more he tells her the more it doesn't explain why he left her in the dark. Lucy begging him to read her in. I mean she has earned that my love. ..Telling him to stop protecting her. Gah Tim is a deep loyalist who would protect anyone he loves even if it's not the right thing. His reply is a reflection of that.

'I can't. I won't.' He's so driven to keep her safe. His instinct is to protect her but doesn't see he's hurting her in the process. I knew she was going to be pissed he let Angela in and not her. But Tim was right she has a lot less to lose. Which doesn't seem pertinent in this moment...I do love her placing her hands on his when she also replies. 'I can't. I won't.'

Mirroring his words from moments ago. Just like he will never stop protecting her. Lucy will never stop fighting for him or longing to help him. That man is her entire world. The most important person in her life. It makes perfect sense she would help with this. Career be damned. I mean she risked her career to get him a shot at Metro. Of course she would do the same thing in order to shoulder his burden with him.

Love her standing her ground in this moment. Like damnit I love you and you are going to let me in. Whether you like it or not I am here and I'm going to help. If this wasn't a reflection of the communication problems that still painfully exist between them I don't know what is. I mean she tried to be patient and trust him. But honestly he needed this kick in the ass to let her in. Which is a problem. Lucy needs to be the first person he goes to. It shouldn't have to come to this. *sigh*

Their OP goes off without a hitch. Except Ray saying he was going to be an air strike on Tim's life.... God I had no idea as I was watching that scene how true it would be. Tim gets his interview and lies to protect Angela and Lucy. While keeping his own job intact as well. Also welcome back to Jackson’s dad. Hello there Percy. This is not how I wanted to see him again.

But he is IA him returning was never gonna be a good thing tbh in a post Jackson world. Regardless it was nice to see him again. The scene is Grey's office is ROUGH. Never seen Wade so disappointed in Tim. It hurts to watch. Just like this entire gut punch of an episode. Tim is just standing there in utter shame of everything. Ashamed Wade is looking at him like this.

Kills me Grey has to inform Pine of what he did. It makes sense he has to but damn that sucks. The amount of respect Tim has for Wade is immense. To watch him tear Tim apart and just stand there like a puppy being scolded hurts my soul. Especially when he tries to fight Pine knowing. Just dismissing him without further comment or argument...

So I will say this and it's not at all fair to Lucy that I thought this I'm sure. But I felt like if there was gonna be a breakup it would be coming from her. Not Tim in this moment. That's the part of this moment that really knocked the wind out of me. She had every damn right to be the one too btw. Instead she is there waiting for him with open arms. Honestly I took a breath for the first time this entire episode when she welcomed him in.

Wrapping him up in her arms. Encasing him, rubbing his back, her fingers in his hair. Gently cradling him against her. I thought ok maybe we'll be alright. Since Lucy isn't nearly as angry as she was earlier. Maybe they can get through this together. Cause she loved on him regardless of what happened. The unconditional love she has for this man blows me away. I honestly thought with her loving on him maybe they'd make it out. That they’d work through it together.

Tim looks so very defeated. On the verge of an actual breakdown as he explains that he lied about everything. Saying it saved his job...protected Angela and her. It doesn't seem like enough of a win to him. He looks so very destroyed and this is just the beginning of his downward spiral.

Lucy is doing everything to be his rock in this moment. To assuage him of his guilt… Most vulnerable ever seen Tim *pre tears*…. Lucy telling him it was an impossible situation. She would've done the same thing. It’s so very clear she was willing to work through this. To build them back to where they were before he got that phone call. Everything Lucy was in this scene represented her unconditional love for him. Tim is just too destroyed at the moment to see it….Also for him to accept it. It's so hard to truly accept unconditional love if you've never had it before. To truly trust in it.

Lucy is watching him spiral out of control. The way he's talking about himself with such loathing. How she never would've been in a place where she put her self interest over her team like him. She is trying her damndest to right his wrong. But Tim is having none of it. It pains me to see it... Pains Lucy too. It's the way she grabs onto him while he continues his verbal self flogging that get's me.

Trying to ground him in this moment with her touch. Bring him back to her. Something that has worked so well in the past. Sadly not having the intended affect this time around. Tim is too damn gone at this point. He feels he’s betrayed everything he thought he was. THOUGHT he was. *heart clutch* Tim has such a deep moral compass. That's why this is rocking him so very much. Ugh my heart. I too have a crazy deep moral compass. I can't say I wouldn't be spiraling out like him as well.

This was his greatest sin brought to light. To Tim exposing him for the fraud he feels he is. Him saying he's been lying to himself for a long time is a reflection of this. That imposter syndrome coming out real strong here. Something he buried deep down came rushing to the forefront and he is imploding. Says as much above. He no longer feels worthy to be in her life now. I get this anytime I screw up with a friend or my sister. I have this deep sense of shame attached to it. Like I no longer deserve that friend or my sister cause I messed up or if a past sin comes up. That they'll no longer love me or will forever look at me differently cause of it.

It's not logical but it's deeply ingrained from my mom shaming me for doing anything wrong growing up. As it is for Tim. His father literally beat the hell out of him for ever being out of line. He has suffered emotional and physical abuse. Unless confronted and treated comes out like this. Demons making their way to the surface. I was bawling by the time he said 'I'm sorry.' He’s never seen himself worthy of Lucy’s love that much has always been evident. But to see it this raw and visceral ripped my heart out. It’s on the ground where they're both standing.

I think this is something that has been brewing in the background for Tim for a long time. Now that I've had time away to decompress and think. I'm actually very excited they're tackling this. It's clear Tim is not in a place where he thinks he deserves her anymore. Low key never has been. He acts before he thinks. Eric had a great quote from his interview about Tim "He is impulsive and he reacts instead of thinking things through, and it can come out a bit too strong.” That is this decision in a nutshell. He feels he is a burden therefore he is removing himself without thinking it through. The regret that is going to come with this is going to be immense for him.

'You deserve so much better.' Better than me basically. He feels immense shame and that shame is launching him away from her. You know I learned something in therapy about this. About not being perfect and feeling like I'm too much. i.e. a burden. My therapist told me and it made me cry. 'You are worthy of the space you take up in people's lives. They want you there.' Tim does not think he is worthy of the space he is taking up in Lucy's life now. All his sins on the table laid out for her to see. He can't handle it. That much is very clear here. I will say I haven’t let a ship hurt me like this in a long time.

This absolutely crushed me. I couldn't even fathom assembling my thoughts. Cut me very deep. Been with this ship since day one. Also what a crushing blow this is for Lucy. Our poor girl. I mean she gave everything to this relationship. I mean EVERYTHING. She was all in from the moment Tim said ‘Unless it is.’ This was her first real relationship. First real leap into being serious. Thinking about marriage and kids. She gave her all to Tim my god. Her career took a hit for him and she never complained. Knew he was worth it (he still is btw) Fought every step of the way for him. For them.

When he was pulling back above it was an absolute panic for her. She could see him slipping through her fingers. Idk what broke my heart more Tim thinking he’s not worthy of her any longer or her begging him not to do this. She literally can't fathom how he can let go of her like this. Thought she was his person. Tim feels he’s gone back to who he was pre-Lucy and that scares him. He feels undeserving of the love she has to give him. Lucy knows everything and in his mind he can’t imagine her still loving him.

Lucy was as we all were in this scene. In disbelief... Even though Tim put her though absolute hell she was still there to comfort and support him. Because to her he is worth it even in the hard times. We all know Tim isn’t the best with his emotions. In his trauma damaged brain he thinks he’s doing the right thing here. That he’s radioactive, she deserves better than being around him and his reckless behavior.

The kiss on her head. Lucy trying to physically push away his rejection. Stomping all over my damn heart...However this ends up playing out Tim is going to have to address his emotional instability. How he charges forward and doesn’t think things through. Ruled by his emotions in the worst way. He’s impulsive and he’s gonna have to fight to get her back when he’s in a better mindset. Her trust has been obliterated by this. She fought and clawed for them and this was her reward. He’s gonna have to do some serious healing to get back to her. Lucy has loved him the best she can but he needs to put in some work now. We see next ep he's meeting with Aaron's therapist. Don't love that but I’ve wanted Tim to go to therapy for years. He needs this. Therapy doesn’t work unless you put the effort in though.

That will be a challenge for him. When I get out of the purview of this hurt I’m feeling...I’m actually going to be really impressed and happy they had Tim go through this. Do I think this is the end of them? No I think this is some serious growing pains. It was issues that have been percolating since Lucy did that 5 player trade. Hell probably back in 5x12 when Tim sacrificed himself without telling her so they could stay together. I still think that was romantic because of it's intended nature. BUT was the beginning of the communication problems. They’ve grown so very much in that regard. We’ve seen it but there is still work to be done on that front. It just came to a very gutting painful head.

I still have faith in the writers. I still have faith they’ll be ok. It might not be right away and I'm already feeling impatient tbh. But this is some serious realism being applied to them. It wasn't some random BS angst. Honestly we’re lucky our ship gets the most attention, the best SL’s and two people who LOVE these characters. They absolutely adore them and this ship. If you haven’t read Melissa and Eric’s interviews for this episode I highly recommend. This sucks right now. No two ways about it. But we will survive this storm. They’ll come out stronger than ever. Truly believe that. But for now let's rally around each other and get through this together. There will be brighter days ahead just doesn't feel like it right now. We got this.

~~~

Side notes non Chenford.

Do love Aaron working with Harper all if of all I cared about other than their SL in this one. Nolan's I fast forwarded which I normally don't do but I had no patience for his BS in this ep lol My anxiety was rampant in this ep and had no space for him.

Also RIP Metro Tim for the 6x07 promo. This hurts to see not just cause I enjoyed him in that outfit lol But to see his career take a nosedive like this. I wanted more Tim back story. Didn’t think would hurt like this though....Feel free to comment I love you all for any interaction I get with these. <3

#Caitlin mini reviews #chenford #s6 #the rookie 6x06 #6x06 Secret and Lies #otp: unless it is #otp: doing my job #the rookie #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

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velvet-games · 5 months ago

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hmm ok thoughts/questions so far on hazbin hannibal au (feel free to chime in):

okay full disclosure I haven't watched hannibal in like four years but I was obsessed enough with it at the time that I can hopefully still analyze it without forgetting major chunks of plot (emphasis on hopefully)

also full disclosure that a lot of my view of alastor is based on fandom/my own extrapolation; I rewatched some of hazbin recently, and we honestly don't get much! there's a lot of room for different interps and I'm just using mine

the most obvious choice for hannibal is alastor, but the characters are just different enough that I can either a) have someone else be hannibal or b) have the whole point be that alastor is not hannibal (and why that's interesting)

hannibal is a lonely devil (but like, not from the bible): he's the only guy in the world that knows how to play chess, and he'll do anything to keep playing with the one other guy that knows how to play chess; hannibal is legitimately better and cooler than most people, and he is only actually made vulnerable by will.

alastor is like. just a guy tbh. even in hell, he's kind of mediocre; not all of the other overlords respect him, and he's not even as powerful as the goetia, much less anyone in heaven. and that's not even touching on human alastor.

hannibal is born into a lot of wealth, and I think that shapes his sense of "morality;" instead of absorbing actual morals, he absorbs a need for decorum and propriety (the aesthetic of morality basically). he kills because people are "impolite." he fucks with people because it's genuinely just interesting, and he doesn't respect them as people.

I don't really know what to do with hannibal's trauma with later being destitute and having to eat his sister; it wasn't fully explained in the show, and I think it's kind of a relic from the more human version of him in the books. maybe it speaks to a level of having to remove oneself emotionally because being invested means Something Bad Happened to Hannibal, which cannot happen ("nothing happened. I happened." etc etc), and that's why he needs to see everything as a game he can control. that makes will a lot more significant because hannibal could've chosen not to play chess, but now that he does, he needs someone to play with him (or he might have to go back to believing something bad happened). eh.

I don't think alastor was born into wealth at all; I'm good with the general fandom interp of him growing up poor with a shitty father, and I don't really see him as ever becoming wealthy in life. I doubt being a radio show host paid that much, especially since his whole thing is not being a sellout.

alastor's morality is kind of a big question mark that everyone has a different answer to. I don't like the politeness thing because again, I see it as being shaped by hannibal's childhood, and I also do think alastor is Invested. I think he's too invested, actually; there's kind of this desperate edge to him that hannibal would never have. alastor's ego is wounded multiple times and he is, at least to the audience, very obviously ticked off by it. he doesn't like that the other overlords aren't impressed by him, he has a meltdown over husk's minor jab, and tears out his own hair at the idea that other people might've thought he had a heart. he's less of a master chess player and more of a wounded animal that got really good at scaring other animals into not hurting it again. but he's still an animal. and no one has gotten close enough to heal the wound.

so I guess alastor's morality is just whatever feels good/safe. I watched swarm a while back, and I liked the use of murder as a kind of coping mechanism: "this feels bad. I don't feel safe. I don’t know how to deal with this. no one in my life has taught me how to process emotions normally, so I'm literally just gonna do murder." dre's killing is subtextually compared to stress eating; it feels good, there's a dopamine rush, and you stop thinking about the bad things. you can also eat comfort food just because you want to and enjoy it.

something I realized while I watched the show is that I'm pretty sure we don't see alastor actually kill that many people? like he fucked with pentious and tried to kill adam, plus we get a flashback about killing other overlords, but I only remember him actually killing the sharks that were after mimzy. so. lots of extrapolation still.

I think all of those examples can be read using the eating metaphor, but obviously there's some other stuff going on too. killing the overlords was a reputation-building (no one will hurt me if I'm scary enough) moment, but it was also just for the more practical side of gaining power/souls. killing for mimzy helped confirm to charlie that he could defend the hotel, and it also plays into his role as a gentleman that will clean up mimzy's messes. he gets to be a hero in a fucked up way.

there's obviously no redemption arc for hannibal. I don't even know what the fuck that would mean in a thematic sense. but I do think alastor can be softened a lot if he lets someone in to heal the wound. not sure who that would be though.

I have a lot more, but just one little thing to end on and get y'all's thoughts going: what if vox is hannibal? not in the full character sense, but just to fill the role as the rich guy that psychoanalyzes people. he's probably more obviously suited to a freddie lounds-type role, but maybe he does hypnosis "therapy" and realizes it doesn't work on alastor, which sparks his interest. just some food for thought.

#hannibal #hazbin hotel #meta #my meta #hh hannibal au #hazbin hotel au #hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin hotel vox #hannibal lecter #will graham #swarm

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mal3vol3nt · 6 months ago

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What are ur thoughts on natla?

i definitely have…. thoughts lol

but let’s start with the positives first i guess

i really liked the special effects and cgi. i thought the bending looked pretty neat, particularly the earth and fire bending (which isn’t surprising considering hollywood has spent decades improving the realism behind fire and explosion effects). the water and air bending looked cool too, but definitely didn’t look as realistic in my opinion. which isn’t a bad thing. it didn’t break my submersion or anything. tbh i thought the air and water bending looked more like they came straight out of a really enhanced video game

i liked what they did with the 41st division plot line. having that division be the crew on zuko’s ship was a really nice change from the original and humanized zuko’s character even more in my opinion. though i find it hard to believe that ozai would’ve allowed a freshly banished zuko to travel in such close quarters with a division he literally saved (something something about soldier loyalty wavering and army coups blah blah blah)

the scene of kyoshi possessing aang and getting rid of the fire nation soldiers on her island was honestly… amazing to watch. one thing about me is i LOVE watching the avatars go full avatar mode and give it to people, so that scene had me jumping in my seat cause she looked so damn cool (but i also have other thoughts about that scene and everything that led up to it that aren’t entirely positive lmao so not a complete win)

the casting for aang made me so happy. it’s no secret that aang is my baby, so if they did him dirty in casting i wouldn’t have even made it past episode 1, but gordon actually did such a good job with what he was given and i really wish the writing would have given him the chance to actually be aang. cause he has aang’s adorableness and goofiness (that we see from bts) so idk why it wasn’t utilized, but this isn’t the section for me to start talking about that

aang sending zuko away on the boat after the blue spirit rescue was everything. idk but it was done so gently and in a way that was just so aang that it makes me wanna scream

koh the face stealer. i don’t even think i gotta explain this one, but they did good with koh

so now lemme talk about what i didn’t really fw about this live adaptation. the negatives, if you will

(disclaimer: i have no issue with adaptations straying away from the original source material to make some changes or add some twists. in fact, i love it when they do. but the changes should add to the story and characters, not take away from them!! and that’s a short lil synopsis of my issues with this show)

them getting rid of sokka’s sexism. the reason the show got rid of this was because the creatives didn’t understand that the og show never presented sokka’s sexism as a good thing. he was constantly and immediately humbled when he said something stupid, and his thought process made sense for his character because he’s a boy who has never ventured outside his tribe. all he knows are the gender roles within his own culture and we see that throughout the show as he mets other people, he starts to realize that way of thinking is wrong. them removing this aspect of his character also got rid of the tension between him and katara. sokka undermines katara a lot in the og and it’s clear that that kind of underestimation is one of the fuels firing the burning anger within her. and it’s that anger, provoked by sokka’s sexism, that leads her to releasing the avatar and driving the whole show in motion. because they got rid of this, sokka and katara don’t really have any huge issue to work through, so they had to add in this weak older sibling vs little sibling conflict instead. katara blowing up because he treats her like a little kid does NOT have the same punch as her blowing up because he treats her like she’s incapable. and it also muddies the real dynamic between the two considering they’re both constantly taking care of each other due to them BOTH having to grow up quickly

sokka and suki’s development was done DIRTYYYY. again, because they got rid of his sexism, they had nothing for suki to challenge. he never questioned her legitimacy as a warrior. instead, he was immediately impressed and felt a lil insecure at how skilled she was. and she just immediately liked him cause he’s attractive ig. the whole sequence of them training together (which he didn’t even wear the kyoshi warrior outfit during DINT GET ME STARTED-) is literally just a few long minutes of them stopping to catch their breaths every couple seconds cause they’re so insanely attracted to each other. that’s all it is. suki thinks he’s cute and eyes him up and down (????? literally why), and sokka does absolutely nothing but stand there to attract her to him. SUKI??? the insanely talented warrior who humbles him multiple times, and who sokka literally begs on hands and knees to train under so he can work for her respect, was watered down to “pretty girl who likes pretty boy”

katara. literally just katara. what did they do to my girl? HOW DO YOU MAKE THE KATARA OF THE SOUTHERN WATER TRIBE BORING?? first off, water bending is not a struggle for her?? aang just gives her a very confusing pep talk where he says basically nothing, and suddenly she’s able to make a perfect water sphere without even really trying. nevermind the fact that before aang got there and spewed nonsense at her, she could barely make a ripple in the water let alone pick it up. she was also just handed the waterbending scroll—literally handed—and got insanely good off of that. no master needed, she just picked it all up no problem. the og show makes it clear that while the scrolls can teach you the basics, they do not compare to a real master. in the og, katara fights tooth and nail to get her hands on the scroll and then to later get a master. she’s so determined and works so hard to perfect her element that when she finally reaches mastery level, it feels like a reward. it feels right. but in this show, she literally doesn’t have to work hard AT ALL and only needs to hear a few encouraging words from other characters to become a master. there’s no real development in her skill. one day, she can barely make a ripple. the next? she’s sending ice spears at pakku like it’s nobody’s business. where was the development? it wasn’t there. and because she’s so good at water bending already, she has no real motivation or purpose. she’s not driven by her desperate want to learn how to waterbend under a master. she doesn’t have any real reason to be driven by anger cause what is she so angry of? sokka doesn’t undermine her. she’s already insanely talented at bending with no real training. sure, pakku won’t let her fight but that’s a stupid conflict. a stupid conflict that’s the result of them making her too skilled for a master. cause instead of her frustrated that he won’t teach her, she wastes time trying to get him to let her fight in the upcoming battle. but why does she need his permission to do that in the first place? it’s not like he’s gonna try stopping her? he and everyone else will be too busy trying not to die to care if she’s out there slicing people with ice. so really, katara is just there. she has no drive, no personality, no reason. and it feels insane to even be saying that about katara cause she’s literally katara. but natla fucked up with her and i am not about to forgive them for that

aang. i could scream. natla aang is not aang. it’s literally identity theft. where is the joy? the whimsy? the child-like qualities that make aang aang? he’s so fucking serious all the damn time. he’s 12 years old, freshly out the ice, and already behaving like he’s been at this avatar gig his whole life. he doesn’t play around or get easily distracted like he does in the early books of the show. every pitstop they make on their way to the northern water tribe isn’t the result of aang wanting to have some fun, but because people are literally telling him “hey, you should go to *insert location* because they need help and you’re the avatar”. in fact, their whole reason for going to the northern water tribe isn’t because he or katara need to learn water bending (she’s already so good and he just doesn’t feel like learning??), but because kyoshi took his hand and explained to him that something bad was about to happen and he needed to be there. literally every decision he makes is the result of someone repeating exposition we already know and telling him what he needs to do. the show literally walks the audience through everything that happens. it literally even explains to us countless times that aang is a really goofy kid who likes playing airball with his friends, but we never see it?? he never goofs. he hardly even smiles im not gonna lie. he just introduces himself as a super goofy person and we’re supposed to just take his word for it. why is he already so intense, man? not even book 3 aang was that damn serious all the time. them eliminating his joy and optimism and childishness literally makes him a shell of a character and it PISSES ME OFF. not to mention his dialogue is written like he’s always on the brink of breaking out into song. no shit i thought this show was a musical for a good few seconds cause i fully expected him to start singing when he was venting to appa 😭

aang’s “running away” scene. don’t piss me off. this show was so afraid of giving their characters any actual flaws that they got rid of one of aang’s biggest sources of guilt: him intentionally running away from the air temple. no instead, he was just clearing his head up in the sky “where everything makes more sense” and just happened to get trapped in a storm

kyoshi yelling at aang. this one goes hand in hand with the previous one, but i’m giving it it’s own bullet point. in this scene, she yells at him for running away and tells him that he better not ever do something like that again because now the world’s gone to shit and needs its avatar more than ever, essentially placing blame on him for 1) something that literally isn’t even his fault—unless they get rid of roku admitting his involvement in the war beginning—and 2) didn’t even happen?? aang didn’t run away in this version of the story. he just went on a ride with appa and got caught up in a storm. so why is kyoshi acting like it was intentional when the show makes it clear that it wasn’t?

the death of the moon spirit. the plot point about kuruk’s knife was so stupid LMAO i’m sorry it was pointless to me. and why did nobody do anything while zhao was attempting to murder the moon spirit. everyone just stood there 🧍 like hello??? more importantly, why didn’t aang do anything?? in the cartoon, he tries talking zhao down and zhao plays along like it worked, setting the moon spirit back down into the spirit water before killing it anyways. in this version, zhao never pretends like he isn’t about to kill the koi fish. and nobody makes a move to do anything until after it happens im crying 😭

aang becoming the ocean spirit. my main gripe with this scene is that it’s framed in a way that’s all about vengeance and just pure rage more than anything. but aang becoming the ocean spirit has always been, to me at least, a depiction of grief. it’s pain that the ocean spirit is expressing as it washes away the fn soldiers and ships. it’s done in a way that is, yes brutal, but also graceful and conscious. the ocean spirit is mindful of what it’s doing. it’s intentional and emotional. it’s not just striking anything and everyone out of pure rage, which is how this scene was choreographed and shot in my opinion

#this took way too long to type and i still have so many thoughts but im tired #i didn’t even mention azula but just let it be known that i have issues there too lol #natla #natla critical #aang #avatar aang #katara #sokka #avatar the last airbender #atla

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omegastation · 3 days ago

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hi! it's your friendly yet shy anon again!

my topic this time is the ardat yakshi. for some reason how they're portrayed doesn't sit well with me but i can't quite put my finger onto why. i was wondering if you had any thoughts about the ardat yakshi. not necessarily negative of course. just want to see your opinion and maybe then i can place why i don't like the way they're portrayed; or maybe you'll give me new insight onto why they're portrayed right

Hi anon,

How are you? :)

Your message reminded me that I still had to do the monastery mission, so I just went there.

This is going to be long, even if tbh I don’t feel like I have a genuine new insight or even smart things to say about them, more like general feelings.

I’ll talk about their number and how much of a “secret” they are, Morinth, the issues about the monastery and then my personal feelings about them. I’ll also explore addiction as a theme in the storyline, fair warning if the topic might be triggering.

Their number and existence being a “secret”:

I've made a lot of Ardat-Yakshi posts over the year, including this one which highlighted Samara's wording about their number and Patriach being in the known about them.

I think I was a bit naive at the time (7 years ago!) and didn't understand the lore very well. The logic in my post is very "either/or" and Patriarch is not the only one concerned by this lore question.

I associated their number with the fact that they were a secret, as in "no one knows", but what Samara said in the dialogue is that the asari just don't want their existence to be "widely known." I didn't fully get that before.

So basically, I could be wrong (again!), but right now I think it isn't an Athame level of secret; but more of an open one, if only because a lot of people over the years must have known, even if they're not asari themselves. It's an old condition, there are supervised visits to Thessia (sometimes....) ... And Patriarch having such a long life-span and living for so many years on Omega would hear things, see the products from the monastery, etc.

But I wish the lore was more clear. Sometimes it's like they don't have a true handle on it?

Morinth:

Beware, I'll be critical. And I'll start with this post here by @dr-jekyl (a goldmine for asari meta btw) who explains how Samara's daughters had "normal" childhood for asari, but:

"Two of her daughters, however – Falere and Rila - display the capacity for empathy, humility and self-sacrifice; they’ve presumable never been permitted to meld sexually and thus begin the process of dehumanising (deasarising?) victims and other people."

The reality with Morinth is unpleasant, to say the least, because, as Liara said, Ardat-Yakshi have an “urge” to feed and can cause harm, but they chose to isolate themselves. Morinth *chose* to be a killer.

Samara will insist in ME2 that Morinth is the strongest, bravest and smartest of her daughters. Many people have said it before, but it’s just brutally unfair. And honestly kind of a dangerous message to send.

Other than the fact that Morinth doesn’t strike me as being smart or even witty, she has no regard for consent or other people’s life. Samara associates her unwillingness to accept the injustice and her fight to the end as the proof of her bravery and strength, and sure, we are talking about injustice here... But it doesn't excuse the centuries of causing pain.

And the worst part is that Samara explained it so well in ME2 about Morinth fleeing: "She was not taking a great moral stand -- she simply wants to keep killing."

Meanwhile, Rila and Falere fought to be at peace in the monastery and never hurt anyone. They’re asari. They’ve been living there for *centuries*. Falere is very clear about how a building isn’t making her “honor her own code”. If they wanted to, they would have been out. So it’s a commitment, a long-term one.

The issues about the monastery:

Honestly, they can say the monastery is “home” all they want but:

No meetings between them unless supervised, no access to the extranet unless authorized. No exceptions, and if you try, you’re confined. That's not a life you can look forward to, you're basically watched 24h/7

I’m all about the art of crafting, believe me, but 10AM-12PM of CHORES, including ones to produce luxury items for the market???? There must be some Ardat-Yakshi who would be artists and scientists but they can't because of how the disease is perceived, AND NOT because of the disease itself. Which, you can say is a great mirror of our own world. It's even more striking that this treatment happens from the most advanced species in this galaxy's cycle.

New arrivals “terrified out of their wits” - it doesn’t mean all Justicars mistreat them, perhaps it’s only Justicar Phora, but I doubt Ardat-Yakshi come to the monastery without having been traumatized first

You gotta put a candidature to visit Thessia and get out of the monastery for one second and even so Thessia might say hell no

During the Reaper War, Matriarch Gallae blocked extranet access and all information about the Reapers, which is just criminal. And we saw the resultats. They all died, except Falere.

So those asari are living in such a strict environment, spending centuries in peace and confinement, giving asari their luxury items on top of that, but Asari Command is more willing to blow up the place than try to save them.

As Shepard said: “Ardat-Yakshi or not, evacuating this place would’ve saved a lot of lives.”

What’s the life of an Ardat-Yakshi to Asari Command? It’s worth nothing.

So my feelings…

I guess they were already all over the place, but Rila and Falere are incredible, and it’s shameful that they're treated this way by the asari AND their mother.

Another thing: The whole Ardat-Yakshi storyline associates addiction and compulsion with so much shame and despair. So if addiction is used as a symbol here, it's utterly soul-crushing.

But fighting addiction so it no longer controls you means having to sit through uncomfortable hours, not looking to find relief quickly. You have to believe things will get better, that you will get better. There's a lot of pain and anxiety in this fight, but if you sit in those uncomfortable hours, some kind of transformation happens. It isn't fast, and it doesn't mean there isn't an on-going fight with yourself, but you can see a future ahead. The hours stop being so uncomfortable.

And you do all the work for something. Ideally, to change your life for the better. And a key element is trust, because you slowly start to trust yourself again, in many situations. You won't relapse, it will be okay, and you get to find that out in this big wide world…

So there is hope in the end. There has to be hope.

But with Ardat-Yakshi… No matter how brave and strong they are, no matter how hard they try, there are very few rewards.

I feel like the end of the mission is meant to show us that Rila and Falere were the MVPs all along, and they were, for sure, but in the end, Falere is still forced to stay in the monastery alone. She has accepted her prison and calls it home. There's no other choice, it seems, even if it's NOT the building keeping her from hurting others.

You might say I’m too harsh, but it makes me sad.

That's it anon. Hope that was interesting!

#ardat-yakshi #please watch the tags #asari critical #samara critical #morinth critical #tw addiction #tw ableism #tw non-consent

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