#I do think there's a specific context for where it's decent to express that disgust and to the author is not usually it

[loneliii-aura]

Hm, how do I put this. I agree with most of the stated opinions of "pro-shippers." However, just because I don't think people deserve to be mobbed online or persecuted by the government for their art does not mean I think those same pieces are undeserving of criticism or expressed disgust.

[fastcarsgovroom]

Don’t really know what to make of still it but here goes (the Lando Norris issue) Pt 2

This is about the Lando Norris and Max Fewtrell (and other involved streamers) issue so you don't need to read it if it's not in your best interest to. I don’t know if this thing is supposed to have blown over or anything, but I’m posting because heck this is my blog and I want to post about things I think are in line with my personal philosophy (and maybe in-group).     

The entire rant is in five parts:  

Part 1 is where I describe very basically the entire situation, essentially what I saw happening through posts on the tumblr, twitter, and reddit Lando Norris tags  

Part 2 is me trying to describe why some fans felt what they felt and reacted the way they did  

Part 3 is the videos and what was said of them and how I interpreted them  

Part 4 the ‘misinformation’ idk

Part 5 is like, a rant.

Part 2: How people reacted

TW for talks about sex, sexism, and misogyny 

Under the cut

Fans reacted very differently to the whole situation, with some reacting after watching the clips, and some just from reading the posts. Very, very broadly, there were two opposing views:  

I. That the things said on the stream WERE offensive

The fans found that the way Lando and Max F talked about the women were sexist, misogynistic, disrespectful, and disgusting. General interpretations were that:

the women were objectified and viewed in terms of providing only sexual gratification;

the women' attention and companionship were pursued only for the end goal of sexual gratification;

the women and their companionship could be 'stolen', implying that they were viewed only as objects for sexual gratification;

some of the women were referred to as 'that [descriptor]', which further objectifies and dehumanizes them;

a female-coded interest (star signs) and by extension, women, were talked of dismissively; 

even if Lando did not outright say certain offensive things, Max F did, and Lando should not have stayed silent and by extension complicit; and

private matters from personal encounters (implied as sexual or romantic) were discussed on a public stream, even if details were kept vague.

II. That the things said on the stream WERE NOT (that) offensive

Other fans had different, more innocuous interpretations of the conversations, or could not identify specific offensive points that were mentioned. They found that: 

what was said in in the conversations were not particularly sexist, misogynistic, or disrespectful to women;

what was said in the conversations were not personally disturbing, distressing, or distasteful;

the conversations were harmless banter and 'locker room talk' among immature young men that, while can be distasteful, is not particularly harmful or offensive; 

even if the conversations were disrespectful and distasteful, it was not to a degree that warranted negative reactions or callouts;

Lando did not outright say some of the things attributed to him in the callout posts; and

the conversations were too vague and ambiguous to be interpreted as being particularly sexist, misogynistic, and disrespectful to women. 

Some context about young adults, sex, sexism and misogyny, or, why I get how people felt how they felt

Culturally, a lot of emphasis is placed on the importance of romantic relationships and sex in the human experience, especially for young adults. Often, romantic relationships are conflated with sex;

Young adults, especially men, are expected (and encouraged) to pursue sex. In some circles, young mens’ social worth is viewed in their ability to obtain sexual gratification (from women);

In this context, women – their presence, purpose, and worth – are often viewed and judged based primarily on their ability to provide sexual gratification (sexual objectification). As such, women’s own wants, needs, and personhood are dismissed in favor of their ability to provide sexual gratification;

In this context, men can view and treat female figures in their lives – relatives, friends, mentors, peers – with proper human decency and respect, but if they consider a woman outside these roles as a potential sexual or romantic partner, they may tend to view and treat the women only based on their ability to provide sexual gratification;

Sexually-charged language and objectification are so ingrained and normalized in our culture that the people who use it might not even be aware that what they are saying is problematic. Both women and men are socialized to think in these terms;

Women often receive sexually-charged abuse by men and are of course more aware of being objectified. There is nothing positive about being degraded and thought about as nothing but objects for sexual gratification. So of course (most) women are cautious and more able to detect abuse directed at them;

Because of how normalized and ‘harmless’ sexually-charged and objectifying language is, women are often dismissed as being ‘sensitive’ and ‘overreactive’ if they react unfavorably or speak up against such abuse;

At the same time, men who use sexually-charged and objectifying language might genuinely not think that their speech is harmful, because it’s so normalized. At the very least, they were never taught why and how such sexually-charged and objectifying language and speech is harmful, and in turn may get confused and defensive when confronted about things they said. 

These men (and some women) may be otherwise decent people who do not consider themselves sexist, because they do not do ‘obviously’ sexist things (e.g. physical or sexual violence against women, ‘obvious’ derogatory language, etc.) Being a sexist is bad, and since they generally consider themselves as good or nice people, they will get defensive when they are called sexist/misogynistic, without considering or understanding that the normalized sexist language is harmful.

None of this is to excuse men’s (and some women’s, in the context of this issue,) behavior, but to very briefly point out why I think ‘calling out’ or ‘educating’ by stating outright a speech / behavior is misogynistic and sexist might be met with defensiveness. 

Why Lando in particular (and some value judgement from me)

A lot off people found issue in how fast fans were to judge, express disappointment and disgust, and call out (and ‘cancel’) Lando, especially if other drivers on the grid had done what they consider similarly misogynistic and sexist things (and some even worse *ehemmazepinehem*).

Personally, I think it’s down to a few things (caveat: personal interpretation. I might be wrong):

Lando presents this wholesome, ‘nice guy’ image, as who is generally respectful and thoughtful when it comes to people. He looks young, boyish, and has a vague ‘family friendly’ feel to him and, perhaps, ‘safe’. When it comes out that he may have said things that were disrespectful and derogatory to women (in a very familiar, misogynistic way) that did not jive with this image, fans felt disappointed, attacked, and deceived. 

Lando has a very wide audience and younger-skewing fans; people felt that his discussing of what appears to be personal, sexual encounters in a public space, was very inappropriate and harmful, exposing the younger fans to inappropriate behavior, harmful ideas, and setting a bad example;

The ghosts of Dubaigate (a whole other rant, this one), that sort of blew over but was never forgotten. Fans felt that Lando was being deceitful by not disclosing his location and purpose for being in Dubai, insensitive, selfish, and ignorant for traveling, and then getting Covid (but still not outright saying he was in Dubai). That people were quickly back to worrying about him and then being excited for more Lando content when he reappeared with amusing, engaging, and generally inoffensive things, having seemingly brushed the entire Dubai and Covid transgression off, did not sit well with many fans. 

I don’t think I’m going to write about fans’ reactions beyond this right now, because that’ll be another college-essay-length rant. 

Part 3

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 33: Robert*

Robert* reminds me of Peter*, in which, there’s confusion about names, the vibes are never quite right, and the date is pretty short. Though in this case, although we did talk for a longer time than Peter* and I did, the date itself was even shorter, a whopping 45 minutes.

Initially, Robert* likes me first on Hinge. His profile is not necessarily a slam dunk for me. He looks decent looking, though not my usual type, and has a chain bakery listed as to where he works. I like to think I am not a snob when it comes to careers, I’m pretty open-minded, but I do want to be with someone who has ambition and can have intelligent conversations with me since I am pretty well educated. Basically, someone around my level of thinking.

I decided to give the guy a chance and respond to his like by mentioning that I really like cookies at the place he works. He mentions that we could have a first date there and I responded by asking if he has dates with girls at his work often. He tells me he has only been working there a few weeks, so no. We legitimately talk about the different kinds of cookies for a while, then he moves on to ask me about what else I like. I mention my dog, then share that I space out and have trouble thinking on the spot and ask him about himself to see if it will also remind me of other things I like. He talks about seeing friends and playing video games, adds he “Doesn’t get out much.” Without missing a beat, he asks me what I’m looking for on dating apps. The dreaded question. I ask him to tell me first. My reasoning being, I feel like many men will cater their answers to what you want, instead of telling the truth. He writes me a long answer then gives me a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read) that is maybe ⅔ the length of the original message, so not that short, that says “going with the flow, down for a consistent [friends with benefits] or relationship, whatever happens, just not a one-night stand.” He announces it is then my turn to respond. I tell him I feel more or less the same, as his original longer message, but that I am not as much interested in the friends with benefits thing. Specifically, I say that with FWB, there needs to be an opportunity, or “nahhh.” I say that expectations only bring hardship and lightheartedly say I like to ask super important questions early in relationships, i.e. like my survey/application from way back when, and add “like cookie choices.” He asks me to clarify my opportunity or nahhh and says he is an open book and I can ask him anything. I explain my feelings more, saying that I don’t see the point of sticking around if someone is dead set on not wanting a relationship with me, as well as it is usually temporary and almost like a holding pattern. I ask my most important question, which is if someone wants children or not.

I get a slight argument back from him, regarding the FWB thing, saying that it can turn into more. I argue back, saying that it is still something that needs to be wanted, or at least both parties from the start can think “maybe someday.” He says this and that about the FWB, before answering my question. He says, more or less, he is open to it but it isn’t a necessity for him, however, he definitely doesn’t want kids right now. He asks me how I feel about it and I express I do not want them but would be open to adoption. He says that’s fine with him and quickly says, “Any other questions.” I am not meaning for this to be an interview. I say I do have a question, but that it is more of an open-ended/ statement that can be responded to. All I say for my “question” is the phrase “trump.” I also let him know I am going to sleep soon so we can continue our conversation in the morning. He does not like my question, that is that he says it is too vague and isn’t helpful for political discussions. I tell him that is my point, and that I am looking for him to express his feelings and that I can either oppose, agree, or somewhere in between. He says likely there would be all three. I go to sleep so I do not respond.

He greets me in the morning with a good morning. I greet him back, though I remind him I am still waiting on his opinions. It is a Saturday, so I also let him know I am about to present for a Zoom conference. He says he’s at a rowing camp and on a break from that, then asks me about my conference. He again requests that I be more specific than just “Saying one word.” I tell him about the conference, but regarding the political question, I send an eye-rolling emoji again saying that that is the point of the open forum, that I am looking for a blanket statement of his feelings regarding Trump.

He again asks about my presentation, and how it went, then goes on to give a pretty neutral debate, saying there’s good and bad, though it seems he veers more towards being a Trump fan, which is not my preference. Robert* offers to me that I can ask any questions about his stance. I am thinking, I do not need an invitation, I have a question and I will ask it.

Robert* inquires what I am doing the rest of the night. I say I’m staying in as I am going to Disney World the next day. I ask him what he is going to do the rest of the night, as that is the societally polite thing to do. I am asked AGAIN if I have any questions to ask him. He also says that he “wanted to do something with someone tonight. Chill night in maybe? Not necessarily sexual. Just relaxing, drinking some wine maybe.” My response is “haha sorry i don’t think i’ll be ‘someone’ today,” both calling him out on obviously being thirsty, as well and reiterating I am not planning on going out tonight. He admits defeat, saying that he didn’t think I would be either, but it was “worth a shot to ask.” However, he does say he does want to get together sometime.

Immediately before I can even respond to that, though, he asks me where in Disney I am going tomorrow. I tell him that Monday I could look at my schedule and put together a time and day we could meet up. I also express that I do not want to meet him at either of our places, mostly because of the stunt he had just pulled. I tell him my Disney World plans as well. He says that it is fine to talk about going out on Monday and says that “that would’ve been the plan” to not hang out at either of our places, despite what he had just said earlier about having a chill night in. I call him out on this, reminding him that he had just said something different, his response being, “yes, sorry if that made you uncomfortable. Im horny as all hell but my intentions are good and i can keep it in my pants. I promise.” How romantic. I send a laughing emoji and say that we’ve all been there before. He says he didn’t want to cross the “TMI threshold,” wherein I say that it is difficult to TMI me, but that doesn't mean I won’t be judgemental. His next comment is awkward, as he invites me to judge, but says that he’s “done [his] fair share of crazy/dumb/slutty shit. As [he is] sure [I] have too.” Weird to accuse someone you are trying to woo of being a crazy dumb slut, but okay. I bring up that I had an abusive relationship but that even in that, I wasn’t completely devoid of wrongdoing. He asks if I am comfortable talking about that and is sympathetic. I tell him more about that and he asks for some of the red flags my ex but off that I ignored. For the billionth time, Robert* offers that if I have any more important questions that I can go ahead and ask. I briefly acknowledge he asked again, by saying “lol if they come up organically I’ll ask” before continuing to talk about my abusive ex. One of the things I mentioned was that my ex was very critical about my body habitus, that is, that I was too skinny. Robert* takes it upon himself to say, “ as far as your body, it seems like you have a great fucking body…. As long as you’re not unhealthy idgaf im attracted to you sooooo” then sends two heart-eyed emojis and a shrugging guy emoji. The line he draws is that his “hands are rated E for everyone,” the context being, if someone hit him he would hit back. I explained my body issues some more and that I have stomach issues, and have always been a small person. He misunderstands and thinks I’m talking about having abs or having a fatty stomach. With the context I felt I had given, I sent a bunch of question marks before adding that my stomach issues were internal. He apologizes a lot for misunderstanding and says he is glad I’m in a better situation.

In his mind, it’s now a great time to bring up that we should text or snap. I tell him that Snapchat is “for hoes” if you only talk on Snapchat. Referencing to myself Darren* mostly. He sends me his number and then I text him. The next day, I am off having a day with my friend at an amusement park. He texts me often throughout the day and I respond when I have a chance. My best friend is asking me “who is this one?” and by the time she asks this, I’m honestly getting a little annoyed. She’s still asking about John* and where he is at. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. We’re mad at him right now. He is doing that shit again. I have to play the game, you know?” I describe Robert* as being kind of needy. At one point, Robert* is texting and asking desperately when I’m free and when we can go out. I tell him “I’m still out I’m not focused on that right now” The overeagerness is kind of a turn-off. And as mentioned earlier, we had already agreed to plan things out on Monday, and it was Sunday. He responds “Ok nvm. We don’t have to talk about that. Sorry.” Maybe I was harsh but had to put this guy in his place. I get a barrage of questions about Disney World. I mention I’m wearing my hat like a frat boy. He responds jokingly, “disgusting, how dare you.” I continue the charade by saying “yep I haze the shit out of people.” Next, however, his response is too cringey, “Mmmm haze me frat mandy” and adds “I can go more cringe.” I reply, “no thanks.” I ignore him for the rest of the day and then when I get home I finally tell him 1) I’m home and 2) what days I’m available. He gets irritated as the two nights I am available, are the only nights he is working. I have some friends coming into town the next weekend as well, so I tell him I’m not really available since I want to hang out with them. We go back and forth on what to do then with our conflicting schedules. Finally, we agree upon doing something after my work, but before his work on one of the days, giving us a tight segment of time but that should be enough for more or less a meet and greet. Because he is the one that will have somewhere to go, I tell him that he’s in charge of the planning and logistics because I wanted to make sure he had enough time to get to work.

We chat superficially in the meantime, mostly about video games and a little about past relationships. And of course… more inviting me to ask questions again. He puts me on the spot regarding the date and is trying to make me plan. I put the responsibility back on him. Finally, he suggests a place he had been wanting to try, that is more or less like a juice bar that also does protein shakes, kind of a health shop. Not really my kind of place, but I’m making him do all the planning so I won’t argue. We both independently go on a search for menus/information. He makes a comment regarding finding the menu but no prices. He randomly comments while we are chatting about the place “have i ever said that youre really fucking cute,” to which I just respond “not like in those exact words.” He adds “but yea you are. I humbly brag, “thanks! I know this about myself.” Typical male response is, presumably joking, “ok you’re too cocky” “youre ugly” “gotta bring you down a peg.” To this I just say, “it’s called confidence/not being insecure.” He switches things around saying “i know confidence is sexy.”

I don’t respond to this and get a good morning text the next day and he makes small talk about how we slept and such. It is the day that I have a date with Timmy*, but of course Robert* doesn’t know this. He at one point texts me saying that his morning got really shitty. I ask him what’s wrong and all he says is “I’ll tell you about it later.” I wonder why people do this, like why bring it up if you aren’t gonna talk about it now? It all seems like a sort of test. I do not play these games. All I say in response is “ok.” He adds “if I don’t text you about it remind me.” I don’t respond. He texts me again asking how my work is going an hour-ish later. I say it’s hectic and he asks if I’m on lunch. I send him a message about not getting full lunch breaks. I don’t hear from him for almost five hours, and given his text earlier about his bad day, I figured something could be wrong given how clingy via text he usually is. I finally text him and ask if he is ok. He says he took a nap and asked again about work, making a point that it was better than his day. Enough of the baiting, I finally say snarkily, “yeah you still have to tell me [what happened.” He is hyping it up now, saying “fair warning - its sad” I don’t respond because I figure he would still go on and tell me what happens and it didn’t warrant a response, but then he adds “if you still want to know” a few minutes later. I honestly don’t care too much, “if you want to tell me.” He finally does tell me what happened, and essentially he saw a dog be hit by a car and had tried to help it with someone else who saw the hit but the dog, unfortunately, didn’t make it. I commend him on trying to help and he says that he did the right thing and that’s why his day sucked. I don’t really know how to respond to that, plus at this point, I am getting ready for my date.

I lie to him when he asks me about my night, saying that I am chilling. More small talk to my disgust, and I verify our plans for the next day. He makes a comment about not being able to see the prices anywhere. This seems to be a worry of his for whatever reason, so I tell him that we can do something else and that I am flexible. He is of no help, as all he says about this is “idk what else we’d do.” My response is “ok” and I say I’m going to bed. In the morning it is finally the day of our date and I let him know that unfortunately I forgot to bring a change of clothes with me to work, so I’ll be wearing my work outfit tonight. He makes a comment about how he’s never seen a cute girl not look good in scrubs, and I let him know that today is the day that changes.

During the day, he states he is thinking of driving by to check the prices of the drinks and that he’s also got a back up. I tell him he should do whatever he wants. I look the places up and they are about 25 minutes away from my work. I head on that way once my work is done and I arrive first. I wait in my car until he texts me to ask which car is mine. I get out of my car and grab my things, now realizing I parked next to a puddle of water and got my shoes a little wet. I laugh it off and say oh well. I see who I presume to be him getting out of a car on the other side of the parking lot. He’s wearing a light pink hoodie, a little different but hey, real men wear pink, right?

I approach him and say hello and give him a hug. We get our masks on and walk into the store. Immediately we are greeted by who I can only assume is the owner of the shop. He is bright and happy and gives us his spiel about the type of beverages they have there. Robert* is being very quiet and is very short with the worker, saying he doesn’t know what he wants and I should go first. I try to describe what I’m going for, and the worker says the exact thing on the menu I want is unavailable due to a delayed shipment, but suggests something else to me and I accept with recommendation. I am done ordering apparently too quickly, as my date is still undecided. The owner ends up just asking him if he likes snickers, the candy bar, and he gives a not-very-believable “Yeah” so the owner suggests to him a shake that is based on those flavor patterns. Robert* is asked if we’re paying together and I look to him, he lets out an apathetic, “sure” and it takes all of my energy not to scoff. The owner tells us that they’re giving discounts out if you advertise the location by sharing a photo on social media and I agree to do so, because why not.

Then it gets a little uncomfortable. The owner is trying to be extra personable and make it a personalized experience, so upon receiving Robert*’s card, he starts referring to him using his name that is on his card. The only thing is, the name I know him by is not the name on the card, nor any fort of that name, like a typical nickname. Under my face mask, I smile and almost laugh to myself like, you dumb bitch who are you even out with rihgt now. Additional peer pressure from the owner also leads to us giving him our emails and signing up for their loyalty program, which also knocks off some cents off our drink. When I give him mine, obviously everything is the same, but when he gives his email, his email does have the name that I knew him by in the address, so I figure okay maybe Robert* is a middle name or something. Because we were under one order, there was also some sort of combo discount included as well since he got a shake and, I, a tea.

As we walk away from the counter and take a seat on a couch maybe 10 feet away, Robert* abruptly asks “what do you think the damage is?” Immediately pulling out his phone and checking the receipt of our drinks. “Uh I don’t know…. Sixteen dollars,” I guess. I am honestly put off by his obsession on price. I understand money issues, but it is not appropriate for first date behavior. I am pretty close, as it is somewhere in the mid $15 range. He scoffs at the prices.

Now that we are sitting together, I am noticing really how disheveled and not put together he looks. He has overgrown stubble, too short to be a beard, but definitely not stubble from just the day. His skin all over his face and body is dry and flaky, especially on his ears. Again, I expect a little more from a man who has had days to prepare for this date. I have been sipping my drink for a while, and it is honestly delicious, one of the best beverages I’ve ever had. He asks if I would like to try his drink. “No thank you, I don’t think it would go well with my fruity drink,” I half lie. The major reason why is that I am weird about sharing drinks/food and that so far I am almost repulsed by him and don’t want to share anything with him.

Despite my lack of optimism already, I try my best to be upbeat and give him a chance. I am trying to start a conversation and ask him questions and get to know him more, but he is a brick wall. He’s just staring at me and not saying anything, occasionally taking sips from his shake. Many of his responses are very sarcastic and rude. He actually brings up the ears; he had a very bad sunburn and that’s why they looked like that. Doesn’t explain the rest of his look though, but at least he was aware of that. It is pretty warm in the shop. I already opted to leave my jacket in the car, but at one point he decided to take off his sweatshirt. Underneath was a red shirt with almost like a confetti cake type pattern, of little microscopic dots of different colors throughout. I compliment the shirt, and mention I have one of a similar type of fabric pattern. I am nodded at. I again continue to try and force conversation, but I am still getting nothing.

Randomly he says, “come here” and puts his arm around me, pulling me close. I am extremely confused, as I was getting very negative vibes from him all over. I make my confusion known by commenting about how that was out of nowhere. His only response is, “oh you know.” “No, I do not know. I have no idea what is going on right now.” He only just chuckles and is like “you’re a cute girl.” I furrow my brow in confusion and figure we should get some air and suggest we take a walk. I ran to my car and put the drink in my car as well as my bag, being light, only having my phone and car keys for the walk. We take off and just walk through a nearby neighborhood. We have maybe 10-15 more minutes until he has to get going so he can get to work in time.

Conversation is still moderately forced, but a little better. At one point, we come up to a tree where the branches overhang drastically over the sidewalk. Whereas before I had been walking on the street side, Robert* has swung around and walked into the street, whereas I choose just to duck under the branches, which is easier with me being shorter, although I would not say he is very tall either. I made a comment about not caring and that he could have just “pushed me into the street/out of the way” and continued on, jokingly, about how you have to put a woman in their place. He says “okay noted I see what you like now,” trying to turn it into something sexual, it seems. I pause a moment, becoming much more serious when I say, “you know I’m kidding. I’ve told you about my abusive relationship so obviously I am not a fan of battering women.” In this moment, he pulls me into an embrace and tries to kiss me. I lean away and ask him, “why is talking about abusing women the time to try and kiss me?” He makes an excuse saying that he just really wanted to kiss me. I lie again, making another excuse about why I don’t want to kiss him, “I’m more old fashioned I guess, I’d like to get to know someone a little better and make sure that we are compatible and know each other well before I do anything.” Again, not entirely untrue. For the five hundredth or so time, Robert* says that I can ask him any questions.

I check my watch and declare, accurately, “We should probably head back towards our cars, you need to head out soon.” We walk back to the parking lot, having idle chitter chatter. When we get to my car, it’s perfect timing, as an alarm he had set to make sure he left on time goes off. I start to say our goodbyes and he tells me again that he wants to kiss me. I make a noise that makes my discomfort known, and he says, “well what about a kiss on the cheek?” I say verbatim, “I’ll allow it.” He makes a sarcastic comment, mocking me about “allowing it.” I retorted back saying, “well yeah.” He sticks to his word and only does a cheek kiss, and I’m cringing and can’t wait to wash my face when I get home. Being polite, I ask for him to let me know when he gets to work.

Using my Apple Carplay, I ask my car to text him when I notice he is driving behind me. Though, as all I’m getting is audio, I don’t know exactly what I am texting until I get home later.

(the first two texts of mine are my car texting and not manually)

Immediately, he asks me my feelings about him.

I then offered Venmo him money for my drink, as obviously money was a huge concern for him. He accepts and sends me his Venmo. I sent him the money and let him know so.

And that is that. He doesn’t text me after that.

[ossy-p-art]

cringe ass nae nae writing

writing some spm stuff based on an au I came up with forever ago about Luigi and Dimentio never unfusing and everything is terrible do not look me in the eyes 

???

Something enters your space. A light tip-tap as it skitters across the floor is what first alerted you of its presence, but now even if it held still you’d know exactly where it was. You can smell the magic it emits, and even more damning, feel its presence within space and time. The divot it makes in the fabric of space, the border of its flesh- you could identify its location if it was pitch black and you were deaf. 

Easy meal.

You lunge at it moving at not even half your top speed, and easily snap it up between your jaws without a second thought. You chew- and feel an odd nagging in the back of your skull. You slow… It feels like you should be focusing on something.

Well, the taste certainly isn’t nice. Sharp and bitter, coppery and cold. The texture is worse, the thing is cutting up your mouth quite a bit. Its making quite a racket in there, and you feel like the noise its making is….important. Its not just any random series of sounds, its… a voice? Its speaking a language… the tone is very harsh, very mean… it makes your eyebrows furrow. You know this voice… its demanding somethi

“DON’T YOU DARE SWALLOW ME YOU NITWIT!!“

LUIGI

You come to your senses and immediately hack up the creature that had been in your mouth, and it tumbles a few times before steadying itself on extended, spiderlike appendages. It seems disoriented, then furious, then disgusted. 

"EeeEEW LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY DRESS YOU JERKS!”

Something seems comical about this tiny green creature disciplining you. Shes less than even a third of your size. You search your mind for a name. She’s… she’s….

“Do you even recognize me? Its me, Mimi! Hello???" 

Your head lifts quickly. That’s the name! She seems pleased you’re showing recognition. 

"Can I finally get a decent welcome now? I’ve been worried.”

Her face is washed over with a new expression- relief. You’re unsure why. She approaches you, boldly, and places a hand against yours. 

 "…You’re still alive in there, right, L?“

That name just about sent a shockwave through you. You back away quickly, only to begin stumbling over your long, flexible limbs. You don’t know if you’re fleeing from Mimi or the nonexistent embodiment of the information itself, but you crash into a heap in your distress.

 "Wh- hey! I’m not even trying to scare you guys!”

Something deeply disturbs you about how she addresses you in a plural sense. You still feel like your sentience is escaping you, like you’re moments away from returning to the mental state of a wild animal.

You try hard to focus. You forgot you even had an identity. You had just been prowling around in the ruins of Castle Bleck for some time now, like a predator. Remembering your own name was a slap to the face, scaring the last animalistic tendencies right out of you. You scour your mind for context…you try to remember… 

The chaos heart was inside you- more specifically in your chest. You could hazily see your brother hopping from platform to platform, trying to counter you, trying to win…but also trying not to hurt you.

He couldn’t choose both. 

 You remember looming over him. He went too easy on you. You had the upper hand. Your foot was raised to crush him.

 And then you remember absolutely losing your mind. 

The heart in your chest was subject to a sudden onslaught of emotional and magical violence that burst forth from you all at once. You remember forcing the chaos heart out of your chest and deep into the pit of your stomach, like most of your unpleasant emotions.

 Down into your core, away from light, away from control, buried underneath the rest of your guilt and sadness you keep locked up inside.

 And then you fainted.

Your name is Luigi.

You tentatively stand up. You can feel the chaos heart still deep inside your gut, though it feels different. Wounded almost…. changing? Its pulsing inside you, shifting. Its uncomfortable, to say the least. Bitterly cold.

You’re still in the monstrous form you were attacking your brother in. A horrifying half-you, half-jester abomination. Your neck a repulsively long stretch of black and white, with a ruff to cover the base. You pull your head closer to your body. You feel terrified of yourself. Mimi cocks her head as she approaches you.

 "Hey, L, its ok.“

 Her tiny hand rests on yours, and you feel a little more at ease.

 "The others are alright, y’know. Nastasia is kinda rough around the edges, but things have been ok!" 

 She offers you a smile. You feel selfish for not worrying about the others- your main concern right now was yourself. 

"Um, Mario has been just fine too. He was really upset about…all this. But hes healing really well!”

She must’ve seen you tense up in fear, because she pursed her lips and patted your hand a few more times. 

“Nass says that you should have the power to change…" 

You tilt your head. 

"Like, y’know. Change outta this…gross ugly body.”

She gestures to you as a whole. You’re not exactly an adept magic user, and you’re scared of trying to channel the chaos heart’s magic for any reason… But apparently its not your choice, as someone else begins using it for you.

DIMENTIO 

As soon as you catch wind that it is an option, you begin to shift out of this bulky, uncomfortable form. Your height shrinks, limbs grow shorter, and your neck becomes a reasonable length as you manipulate the heart resting inside you. The thing is in shambles from its harassment earlier- presumably yours.You didn’t think your manipulation was going to break the damn thing, but now for some reason its dysfunctional. You finally are able to stand on two feet without assistance of your arms like some kind of ape, and casually float a few inches off the ground. You examine your body, much to an ignored Mimi’s annoyance. You don’t really want to talk to her. Your head is killing you, and taking the time to contemplate and form dialogue would only make the pain spike. You instead examine your body as Mimi taps her foot impatiently.

 Your poncho which once fit your bigger form decently now drapes over you like a dress. You have scars all over your exposed legs and arms. Gloved hands, a fancy little ruffle around your neck… with your tattered clothes and ruffled hair, you look like quite the train wreck. You absentmindedly tap your cheek before realizing in fear that it is completely exposed, along with the rest of your face.

 You scan the ground in a panic before finding your prize- your mask. You slide it on, breathing a sigh of relief. It still fits perfectly. You feel a sense of comfort with it at home on your face. You cast a glance over at Mimi, who looks wholly irritated.

 "Is that Dimmy now?“

 You scoffed lightly, attempted to come up with a retort, but were unsuccessful in forming a single sentence. Your throat feels horribly damaged for some reason. Possibly magic burns. The pain causes you to fall to one knee, and Mimi quickly skitters over, despite her previous expression of distaste

LUIGI

 Having a human-like body again fills you with so much relief it nearly blocks out the intense horror you felt when your arm moved against your own will to pick up Dimentio’s mask and place it over your face. The material was cold and uninviting, and shivers ran down your spine when it remained on your face despite there being no strap to speak of. You tried to gather your courage and stand back up, but just wobbled and collapsed on the ground. This is….ok, too, you guess. Mimi stared at you concerned.

 "I’m gonna get Chunky to carry you outta here, ok? Its super cold and I dunno if its good for you in here. Its gonna be ok." 

Mimi gave you a pat on your side, and as quickly as she came, the spiderling skittered off into the darkened ruins of Castle Bleck. 

 You remained on your side, waiting. Mostly alone. Making horrifying discoveries by accident. You had ran your tongue along your teeth only to realize they were razor sharp. You could bite your own tongue off if you wanted to. You tried to rub your eyes, only to feel that they were empty sockets, devoid of your once charming blue eyes. You have no idea how you’re still able to see, even if your vision is rather poor. You decide to stop moving completely, before you make another nightmarish discovery, like your ears being inside out or your hands being on backwards or something. 

 The worst part about being left alone is having to endure the activity inside your stomach with absolutely nothing to distract you. The chaos heart was like some kind of animal, chewing away at you and leaving you feel horribly drained. You hugged your stomach, as if that would help

DIMENTIO

 You need…a compromise. Something else to occupy the chaos heart aside from your flesh. A power source maybe. If it had something else to gnaw on, it would likely be more easy to deal with. You moved your arms out of the vise-like grip they had over your stomach, and turned to lay flat on your back. You moved your hands under the fabric of your oversized poncho, letting them rest over your stomach. You noticed with a bit of distaste that it wasn’t as flat as before. Are chaos hearts fattening? Are they bad for you?? You ponder this for awhile as magic gently trickles through your fingers and into the flesh of your stomach. A mild pain relief spell, nothing too advanced, but enough to let you catch your breath. You breathe slowly, trying to ease away the panic that is flooding your nerves. Deep breath in, slow exhale out. You rest your eyes as you attempt to meditate, and for some reason you aren’t calmed in the slightest. This isn’t like you. Why is your heart racing like that? You don’t really know why Mimi is being so docile right now- you don’t really understand half of what she said. Why was she telling you about Mario of all people?? Do you look like you care? And another thing- clearly you must’ve lost the fight…so why are you still breathing?��

And where did that green fool wander off to in all this?

[spliinkles]

Overzealous

Kind of a continuation from yesterdays fic?

Context- I'm using the headcannon that Wild can be possessed by the other Champion's when he's either under too much stress or unconscious. Another headcannon I made with someone on the discord to add to this is that when activating the Champion's power, not only is the power enhanced, but also a projection of the user of the power can be seen over Wild's body (as you'll see below ;)) aGAIN ANOTHER SELF INDULGENT FIC WOOHOO

Au belongs to Jojo | linkeduniverse

_________________________________________________________

"What did you do?!" Legend seethed at Warriors who in return coughed, looking away with a look of guilt. He stared ahead, ignoring the pointed glare that was facing him until Legend repeated the question, punching Warrior's arm as if to keep his attention.

Warriors looked down with a grimace, "I don't know, ok? I was practicing with my bow with Wild and I asked him for pointers- long story short, that bird-thing- Rito I think? Whoever is possessing him has kept up his speech for the last six minutes and he doesn't look to be stopping." Legend cursed at the words, "Of course it was you who did it." Warriors scoffed, offended, yet Legend turned, watching the scene unfold.

Before them stood Wild, or, what appears to be Wild with a lack of his, per say, spirit, where the embodiment of 'annoying' now possessed.

From what the others knew, the spirits name was Revali- the apparent official 'greatest archer of all of Hyrule' and everyone's collective unofficial 'pain in the head'. He was, in the least, a proud, flamboyant and 'sophisticated' individual with a love for archery- and a seemingly obvious dislike for Wild.

The two watched the Hylian, who stood straight and proud, something so unlike Wild.

"And honestly, if I knew you Hylian's were open to critique as you oh so generously asked, I would've showed up much sooner, trust me."

That's right, Legend thought, This is the first time this spirit has shown up. Legend mulled over that thought for a second, before narrowing his eyes. He decided that he didn't like this character inhabiting Wild.

Besides Legend, both Twilight and Time -all three in which had just arrived back from gathering items for that night's dinner- stood several metres from the overzealous Hylian, indescribable expression plastered on their faces.

Everyone except Revali was still.

Revali was quick to notice, rolling Wild's eyes with a disgusted groan, "Please, you all know about us, it was only a matter of time before my presence graced you." He took a second to snatch the Sheikah Slate from Wild's belt, albeit a little sloppily as he cursed out at Hylian's anatomy.

Everyone watched as he swiped through it.

Twilight stepped forward frowning, "Hey, what-" he didn't get any further however as the knights bow in wild's hand disintegrated in a fine, glowing blue light before being replaced by a bow much more intricately crafted- Wild's mouth tilted into one of satisfaction, and a handful of those watching couldn't help but to think how un-natural the look was on him.

Revali re-latched the slate, using both hands to hold the well-made bow. He took a couple moments to fiddle with it, checking over finer details of the weapon. By now, Four and Wind had taken this opportunity to approach Wild, unnoticed by the spirit inhabiting the Hylian. They peered over his shoulder, marvelling at the bow, "Do you like this bow a lot?" A sound only descried a squawk left Wild's throat, the spirit jumping slightly as he whipped around, bow nearly smashing into Wind's face had it not been for Time's quick reflexes to drag the boy back. Revali glared at the boy, "Insufferable as Link and twice as small- just my luck." he stated, bringing the bow closer to him, "And this? Of course I like this bow, I was the one to wield it before Link- better yet," he smirked, "I was the one to create it."

Silence.

"Oh, ok." Wind shrugged.

Revali blinked.

"'Oh, ok?' That's it?" several people peered at each other before Four spoke up, "Well, I mean it isn't that special, I smithed most of my weapons myself." several others piped up, confirming this. Revali stilled, owlishly blinked once more, "No." he then stated.

Time could immediately feel a sense of dread travel down his back- he paused, watching Revali's movements, however small they are before tightening his mouth, "It isn't that big of a deal-" "OH please, save your breath." Wild's eyes rolled once more, "to smith a sword is nothing but child's play, now, a bow? This is where skill takes place." Four narrowed his eyes, letting out a scoff of offense, "Are you saying my skills are nothing but rubbish?" Wild eyes glanced at Four, shrugging, "Not saying they're anything spectacular." Four threw his arms up, "Nope! Not doing this today guys." he marched away, Wind quickly following.

"Hm, for a supposed hero he sure has a quick temper." Revali stated, ignoring the pointed glares meeting his figure, "anyway," he turned to Warriors, the man letting an 'oh god' whisper out, much to Legend's amusement, "you wish to learn proper techniques, yes?" Warriors shook his head, "No, I think I-" "Perfect! I'm glad you agree, I've been watching you all through Link and quite frankly, there's much room for improvement for…" Revali paused, glancing around at the others before humming, "well, let's say practice would make for much better improvements, you see?" "Twenty rupees and I'll punch him." Legend whispered. Immediately, Warriors choked on his breath, a hand landing on Legend's shoulders as he tried to contain his laughter. Legend glanced at Warriors, before looking back at the Hylian, "You're right, I'll do it for free." before attempting his attack however, Time stepped forward, "Look… wait what's your name?" Revali repeated his title, just as proud as the first time, "Revali, as much as we would… appreciate the help, we would rather Wild if anything, considering…" Revali sneered, "Considering I'm dead?"

Words died out of Time's throat as everything fell silent.

"Oh god no," Legend then started snapping everyone's attention to him, "Look, if your annoying personality can stick after a century, I'm sure your skills with archery are still there- just because you're dead, it won't change anything. Time's only saying this because we're more comfortable around Wild." Wild's face sneered at Legend, yet he kept quiet, mulling over the words. He then narrowed his eyes, "But I am him- just with more poise." he gestured to his posture with a smile, waving Legend's look of disbelief off, "none of that, I came to teach and teach I shall! Where are your arrows?!" he started to scour the area as others denied, "We don't have that many left!" "Then this will be worth the loss of some extra rupees." Revali merely replied with, finding his targeted ammunition within one of Wild's pouches. He heaved the pouch over his shoulders with ease.

"This is a waste of arrows- we might need those!" Twilight stated, walking to Wild with a stern glare, "look, bird brains, I'm usually all for some fun, but not with supplies that are already low." Revali rolled his eyes, "don't worry, Link's thinking of taking you to his house," confused looks met his, "What, he hasn't told you? Ugh, of course not, the imbecilic. Don't worry, your supplies will be filled soon enough." He nocked an arrow, testing the string before drawing the arrow out. "Hold up, wait, this is going way too fast-" "Good." "No, not good! Wait what are you-"

A gust so powerful it ripped through the entire camp- bed rolls went flying, as well as personal belongings and the newly acquired food. Yet all eyes were on Wild.

Or on Revali, more specifically.

Wild's body had lit up in a spectacular green, yet his body wasn't the main focus, no, the main focus was solely on the green outline of a Rito that engulfed around Wild, as if he was a projection. Green flames littered around them, dancing in the wind that had everyone holding their ground to stop from being blown away themselves.

The view was ineffable.

Even Revali was surprised, looking down at his feathers that moved alongside Wild's arms. The bow itself now lodged between Revali's outline, rather than the Hylian's hands. A twist in his gut, a jolt of realisation- whatever had happened let him interact with his bow- let him feel the object once more, just has he once had. Revali blinked, eyes adjusting upwards, into the oblivion that was the sky.

He had a plan.

The wind died down barely, enough for Revali's voice to be picked up, "Prepare to see a show of a life time!" Then, he shot upwards, into the heavens.

Hearts jumped into their throats watching the projection of Revali from Wild's body soar above them, the wind tormenting the plains around them once more as a gust even stronger than last time shot through them- Wind and Four, although several feet further away, both fell.

The elegance of the way Revali moved in the air almost had everyone in awe, yet Twilight was the first to notice it.

"Wild doesn’t have his paraglider on him!" eyes wide, mouth agape, they watched Revali twist and turn, flying himself higher and higher- until the inevitable fall. Twilight felt his stomach drop, "Oh god no." And then they fell.

Down and down, they fell further; then even faster. The momentum dragging their very beings towards the ever-growing ground. Mere seconds seemed to drag onto minutes for those watching, tormenting them- in the blink of an eye, Revali raised his wings, praying to Hylia- to anyone who'd listen that this would work.

Then, Revali flew.

He felt the wind through his wings, the updraft curving his decent until he himself soared high.

The others on the ground collectively sighed in relief.

Deep within Revali's mind, he could feel the excitement pouring from Wild- Revali laughed, twisting and turning in the sky, feeling as alive as a dead spirit could be, "I have MISSED this!" he exclaimed, diving once more. Then, he saw it- the targets.

And judging by the fire burning from within, he knew Wild did too.

Revali smirked

He had a performance to do.

He dove once more, yet with no intent to stop. His wings tucked in, body lowering as far as it could until the momentum built up enough for him to feel the frigid cold air wisp by like a dream.

"…Ti… e it… " Revali paused for a second, yet still descending, "time it!" Wild yelled again, clearer; the excitement gushing out of him and Revali did so, whipping out his bow and watched wide eyed as a power so strong and so pure engulfed him.

Everything stilled.

No, he thought, watching his descension drift further down ever so slowly, not frozen, yet-

From within, he felt Wild laugh.

"Oh."

He could've laughed, yet instead he aimed his bow, all five arrows nocked.

He shot.

"So this is how you managed to nearly best me, you twerp!"

To the others, they watched in awe as Revali, in a mere second shot the targets, all five, with no effort, hitting each one simultaneously without missing a beat; all bulls-eyes.

Seconds later Revali landed, the outline dissipating quick enough.

Twilight, Sky and Warriors swarmed Wild, who now blinked owlishly- Wild was back. "Hey- are you ok?" Twilight asked, putting a hand on his shoulders. Wild blinked back, before a large smile grew on his face, a small bubbly laugh leaving him. "Holy shit, he's lost it." Legend exclaimed. Sky looked between the two in confusion.

Abruptly, Wild stopped laughing, the smile falling.

Everyone watched him.

His face, once a healthy tone turned pale- Twilight knew exactly what was about to happen. "To the bush!" He shouted, pushing Wild as the Hylian heaved. Quick enough, just as they reached the bush, Wild vomited.

Warriors made a disgusted sound, yet Legend merely elbowed him.

Time's eyes met Twilight's and the elder only rubbed his temples before leaving to go pick up everything that had flew away, passing Hyrule as he helped Four and Wind up from the ground.

Twilight himself just rubbing Wild's back, wondering how he's still alive with Wild's antics.

[l0oking-glass]

PROFILE - Part Two: Language Profiling

Using language to deduce from a person is an underrated part in the profiling of a person, and therefore isn’t often covered, at least not taken as seriously as it should be. However, like appearance, people choose what to say and how to say it. Any choice made by a person tells you something about them, if you know what to look for, and how to look for it. Observe what you hear from a person and reason from the data. Here are some things to look for.

IMPORTANT: This is a general guide to what you can find with some of the specific areas covered, and should be treated as such; there will never be a definite answer to everything to emerge from here, as every situation is different, as well as the people involved, so context must always be taken to consideration.

Verbal Communication

Accent:

Familiarize yourself with the variety of accents in your country and your language, as well as how letters are pronounced in different languages. This can tell you if they’re native or foreign, and if foreign, where they might be from. (Common slang specific to a certain region of a country is also an indicator, but that’s up next). Accents can be learned, but getting to a native like fluency with it does take time. A good way to really learn and memorize the differences between similar accents is to practice them yourself. Make an effort to familiarize yourself with the slang of various regions of your country and other countries that speak the same languages that you do.

British Accents: x

American Accents: x

Vernacular:

The way that people phrase things, the slang, and the colloquials they use can clue you into how educated they are, as well as where they’re from. How they speak also holds strong indicators to certain personality types (ie serious, playful, shy, etc. That’s psychology, and will be covered in the final post of this introduction series) It is important to note that these are guidelines, and must be added into the context of the situation you’re in.  

Furthermore, what someone says is obviously pretty important. Take note of what someone says as well as how they phrase it; people tell you more than they realize. For example, do they reference goals or ambitions? How do they say them? Whimsical? Determined? Hopeful? Maybe even sad? All of this gives you clues to things such as personality, interests, hobbies, and current living situation, to name a few. For example, is a casual acquaintance open and honest about more personal topics? Are they like that with everyone, or just you? If it’s with everyone, that points to a trusting, open, sociable person. If you observe that it’s just you they share with, it’s probable that they trust you, and feel safe sharing with you.

Context, and pay attention to not only what they’re saying, but also what it implies. This can be applicable to deduction as a whole, as well.

Tone:

Tone points to immediate mood and feelings, toward both the situation they’re in and the people involved, perhaps something else that’s on their mind. Watch for changes in tone and think about what that change indicates. Watch for shakiness in the voice, which implies an increasing level of some kind of emotion - be it sadness, anger, or fear. Most people are already sensitive to tone of voice, so this is a bit easier to pick up. Listen for variations in the person’s voice, large and small. Someone’s pitch will go up if they’re anxious or on edge (which can also be an indication of lying).

Texting:

This one can be a bit tricky because it requires setting up a baseline of some kind. People develop their own texting style. These patterns become clear - commonly used abbreviations, emojis, and even specific phrases. Deviation from these patterns can mean there’s something up - again, context is key here. For example, someone who usually says “Lol’, suddenly says “Haha”, you can assume their mood has deviated somehow, there’s something that caused the change in pattern. They may be angry, upset, or uncomfortable with the topic at hand. Context will tell you which.

Variations in spelling tells you where someone may be from. For example, America and the UK spell some words in a slightly different manner. Here are some examples with common differences:

UK - USA

Colour - Color

Centre - Center

Recognise - Recognize

Analyse - Analyze

Fuelled - Fueled

Licence - License

Defence - Defense

Additional Tips and Notes:

It’s also worthwhile to look into the basic sentence structure of different languages. I’ve found that it gives me a better clue as to what other languages a person may speak. Additionally, what mistakes will be common to someone who may not be entirely fluent. Absolute perfect grammar, or unnecessarily formal sentence structure (i.e. lack of contractions, “I am” vs “I’m” or “Cannot” vs “Can’t”, or lack of common grammar mistakes of native speakers, example “I am well” instead of “I’m good”) can sometimes point to a second language. It is important to remember that most of these are potential indicators. Meaning, alone, you can’t make a strong deduction with them. But when they start to pile up, then you can be a bit more certain in the accuracy of your deduction. Like clues, only one can’t really prove much. It may point in a general direction, but it needs more supporting evidence to create a probable explanation.

Nonverbal Communication

Quick Note on Body Language

Body language is an important part of nonverbal communication. However, as this is an introductory post, and there is way too much information to explain, it won’t be covered in this post.

Microexpressions:

Microexpressions are an interesting and worthwhile study. Microexpressions, put simply, are small, millisecond long facial tells that point to certain emotions. One can’t learn to control them, hence why they can be so useful. Learn not only how to read them, but interpret them, figure out why they’re having that particular emotion. There are seven universal micro expressions that all humans share, regardless of where they live and the culture they grew up in. (This research was pioneered by Dr. Paul Ekman. A popular TV series was made surrounding the topic of nonverbal body language and Dr. Ekman’s research called “Lie to Me”, which is quite interesting and a fun way to gain exposure to the topic.)  The seven, along with their key traits are:

Surprise

Fear

Sadness

Anger

Happiness

Contempt

Disgust

All of these combined creates a fairly decent language profile of a person. One more time -

All of this is context driven, and you must always keep this in mind. These are clues and tips, and you must take context into account. Sweating doesn’t always mean someone is lying, and lying doesn’t always have to do with what they’re currently talking about. This will become easier to do with practice.

This, combined with a Physical Profile (the topic of last week’s post), begins to create a complete profile of someone you meet. The final section to complete your profile, the psychology of who you meet, will be posted next week.

[queenrhenpendragon]

lard is literally crap: an essay

I’m making this post so I can direct people to it when they try to give me the exact same arguments people have been using for over a decade now which didn’t convince me then and still haven’t after I’ve replayed the game 94,987,344,297,432 times so just get over it already, you have nothing new to say, and even if you did, you really don’t know enough about the games to debate with me. If you want to worship the abusive arrogant spoiled rich white guy, that’s your business, all I’m asking is that you leave me out of it and filter your crap appropriately.

If you can do that, you can stop reading now. If you still feel compelled to shove your headcanons down my and everyone’s throat, please read on. Below you will find a list of the most common points people try to persuade me with, followed by my salty responses (and please note, you were warned about the salt). Also please note that I’m calling him lard and other such things so it doesn’t show up in searches for people who are just tryna have a good time, not trying to be mean, you’re welcome.

1. But he changed!!!!

First of all even if lard had changed to any significant degree, that would not erase the results of his abusive behavior in the past. It would in no way justify or excuse him. It would not make any of the characters he hurt, or in fact anyone at all, obligated to like him. And if he hadn’t been a bully, nobody in the fandom would care about him. His “flaws,” if condoning and perpetuating slavery and assaulting small children can be covered by such a small word, are what make him “interesting,” his fans’ words, not mine. He’s worshipped because he is abusive, and that really does not make me want to jump on the bandwagon. At all. Period.

Second of all, no, he really didn’t. Please tell me you have stricter standards for people “changing” in real life, because you’re gonna fall into a lot of bad situations, repeatedly, if you count as change a single apology with few enough words to be counted on your fingers, which is not followed by any attempt to rectify wrongs but is in fact followed by stating his goals as exactly the same as they were before and actually rolling his eyes when it’s suggested he might help fight against literal slavery. Honestly you could stop reading here if you are halfway decent, I and everyone in this world have the right to dislike characters who canonically, explicitly, consistently hold up the idea that they are inherently better than random, innocent strangers to the point that they should be allowed to OWN THEM. But as this is painfully obvious in canon and still apparently did not deter most of you, I will continue.

Up next, context. Let’s look at that.

People are always trying to bash on Dameon because a lot of his dialogue is optional and so, according to them, it doesn’t “count.” Okay, have at it then, but while you’re pointing fingers please try to remember that lard’s “apology” (quotes because it really wasn’t much of one, more on that in the next paragraph), was also completely optional. And while the conversations with Dameon affect other characters and dialogue in the game (try going to the Sun Temple before and after the manor conversation between Rhen and him, for example), nothing lard says affects anything whatsoever. If you skip it entirely absolutely nothing will go any differently. So by your own standards, it didn’t happen. Not relevant. Stop bringing it up like it’s somehow supposed to matter to me. You will get salt and scorn. Not impressed, and definitely not convinced.

Now, unlike some people, I don’t care to villainize characters by ignoring their dialogue or twisting it to my own purposes (yes, that was a pointed statement, thanks for noticing, don’t poke your eye on it). I remember that lard apologized when I write or headcanon about him. I take it into account when I want to present an opinion on him. But I also take into account that this “apology” came only after it’s discovered that, oops, that “slave” he’s been abusing, in multiple ways for over a year, was actually literally royalty. It doesn’t indicate a change in his views or behavior, he’s just taking to a princess now instead of to a slave. Big whoop. I am marvelously unimpressed if you couldn’t tell. 

The other scenes people like to point at to show Lard’s “progress” are the one after the goose quest in Dirkon and the “stay back” one in the dragon’s cave. Again, both come after Rhen is a princess instead of a slave, and the Dirkon one is optional so again with the hypocrisy. Also, again with the standards of what actually constitutes change; he doesn’t actually do anything in either scene. He just talks big, and says nothing actually constructive. Rhen has been selflessly helping people for the entire game, people from every social class, people who aren’t even technically people (fairies, binis, etc etc ETC), and only one time in the entire game expresses any sort of wish that maybe she could’ve thought of herself first. It was her goose. She saved Tiny. The fairy prince gave the reward to her. And she thought of the people of Dirkon and traveled ACROSS THE OCEAN to give the goose to them. She did it. This is not lard’s good deed. It’s Rhen’s. Lard was just insensitive enough to snub her wistful “could have been” afterwards. Don’t come at me with the lard worship, I will not be sympathetic. It’s not progressive to take the woman protagonist’s accomplishments and give them to her male abuser. 100% not interested in this take, please get out of my notifs.

As for the dragon, sure, it’s progress. But it was also bossy and showed a complete lack of faith in Rhen’s abilities and intelligence, and really, it’s been years. lard should know better by then. It’s a step forward for him, considering how awful he was, but it’s not a big step. It doesn’t make him a good person to simply not do the worst thing he possibly could do one time in his whole life, toward one of the many people he victimized. Everyone would consider this line toxic and domineering if it came from Galahad, so seriously. Seriously I am so over lard getting every excuse while every other character is bashed or ignored or otherwise devalued, no I do not consider this scene significant or meaningful in any way, the end.

Now, I like lard. Or, at least, I used to before people kept trying to pummel me with his “redemption” and indiscriminately villainized and/or depreciated every other character to do it. But I like to think that he did change, eventually. I just also realize that this change has to include a heckuva lot more then some minor adjustments in his attitude towards Rhen. He abused her, physically, emotionally, socially, you name it and he probs did it, for over a year. He also abused every other slave in Ghalarah. Including small children. Let me say that again. He physically and verbally abused small children. This is not me theorizing or overreacting, we saw it on screen. In canon. Mandatory dialogue. And we see him abuse anyone who disagrees with him even after the “apology.” Some of you may have forgotten how he treats Galahad and Pirate John and Te’ijal and Mad Marge and Dameon and Elini and LITERALLY every other party member, but I didn’t. Lard has a long way to go with his behavior towards everyone and he isn’t remotely anywhere near close to being a good person by the end of the game. 

Actually, as I said before, Lard’s goals at the end of the game are literally word-for-word the exact same as they were at the beginning-- teach at Shadwood, be an elitist. He doesn’t have a canon arc. Even in the absolute best possible ending for him, he is specifically left out of all references to social reformation or actual good work. He specifically rolls his eyes when it’s suggested to him he might consider helping for once. He has unlimited chances and resources to finally actually SHAPE THE HECK UP and he still. doesn’t. (And once again back to the first point, even if he had changed, it absolutely would not make anyone, especially not the people he abused, obligated to love or even like him at all.)

If people want to headcanon him into sainthood, that’s their business, but it’s not canon, it wasn’t in the game, and they don’t have more “development” backing up their claims then I do, so they can quit talking down to me like I’m delusional. I’m not the one insisting my own imaginings about a bland rich white guy are the irrefutable truth.

And yeah, sure, it’s “just fiction,” but it might be time to look at why it’s so compelling to exalt the rude, arrogant, rich bully, no matter how obvious and terrible his abuse is, no matter how little grounds there are to excuse him (and it’s almost always a him, which is another thing people might think about), and no matter who you have to put down to do it.

2. he’s rhen’s best friend

Where? Point to one instance that would indicate this. I already talked about all the usual scenes people like to use; none of them indicate any real change or warmth (see 1). Every single one of his other lines are about the quest, aka work-related. There is no closeness there. Compared to the way he treated her before (um, LITERAL ABUSE) it's an improvement, but it’s not kind or affectionate. If there wasn’t the context of how he demeaned and hurt her at every turn previously, nobody would be interested in his dialogue at all. It’s just not dynamic or meaningful. There’s nothing there besides poorly masked elitism. The fact that people think there’s something there because it used to be so much worse is kind of hugely disgusting. Please tell me you do not carry this logic forward into your real relationships.

And definitely never expect me to like an interpretation of their affiliation that relies on the fact that he literally shoved her into the dirt before to make it meaningful. Not gonna happen.

Besides all of that, almost all of lard’s suggestions were actually originally Rhen’s idea or an NPC’s idea. Again with the giving a female protagonists’s accomplishments to her abuser. Not into it, never gonna be. Also not into the implication that Rhen is too stupid to remember information she asked for. Lard is stealing credit, trying to make himself look good and stepping on anyone and everyone else to do it. Typical of him. Not impressive. Not helpful. Not meaningful. Rhen’s “good idea” is most likely her attempt to avoid conflict and move on. She doesn’t like fighting. She’s nice. And other people might be okay with ignoring her and other character’s capabilities in order to build up the pig-fat guy, but I am not and never will be. 

Especially when Rhen already has much more meaningful relationships with other characters, relationships that don’t require her dialogue or accomplishments or explicitly stated feelings to be ignored or downplayed. She has fun with Peter and Jenna. Her associations with Te’ijal and Elini are warm and friendly and don’t rely on cruelty for depth. She has profound conversations with Dameon and spends time thinking about him and chooses to spend her free time with him and with him she’s safe and excited and happy. There are so many wonderful options, why would I ever even consider the person she’s forced to spend time with, who makes her frightened and angry and is never sensitive to her feelings and never contributes anything to her story, especially when I have to imagine her as less to do it? I wouldn’t. I won’t. I am never going to. Rhen is too important to me. 

Also, because I’m salty and somebody had to say it, the one time Lard’s idea is actually his idea, it’s Elini who offers the “good idea.” Elini is also the only character he has anything resembling a real conversation with in the manor.  Everyone else he ignores or insults, or gives a meager apology with approximately zero action backing it up. The most canon evidence of any character having an actual friendship with Lard is Elini, the character people try to make out as promiscuous and selfish when she’s actually pretty dang proper and thoughtful. Leave her alone. Stop dumping on my precious heroines to exalt the green diarrhea man. 

3. But the ~chemistry~

First, can I point out how pathetic this argument looks next to the fact that we are literally talking about a slave owner with explosive anger issues? Y’all don’t even have the excuse that he was a “good” owner, as if such a thing could even exist. It’s painfully pathetic, please go away.

Second, seriously no, if you think abuse is chemistry you have problems, and seeing as if you take out the abuse you have people who only talk at work and about work (see 2), no. Heck no. It’s not there. Headcanon what you want but acknowledge that it’s crack from your own head and not something in the game and definitely not something I’m required to like or accept.

And Rhen deserves heckin better. She shouldn’t have to give some idiot stuck-up pighead five hundred thousand chances. She should never have been forced to spend time with him in the first place. She definitely shouldn’t have to spend time with him even after the quest and wait for him to shape up enough to be tolerable just so lard tenoboring can have someone pretty and “feisty” to argue and have sex with. Ew. Gross. She’s so much more than that. She’s worth so much more. She deserves to be with someone who treated her with respect the FIRST time around, and someone who will compliment her and build her up when she doubts herself, and support her in all her decisions instead of just the ones that benefit him, not an icky green goop who canonically rolls his eyes every time she enjoys something. She deserves to be adored, and to have someone look up to her because DANG is she worth looking up to. And most of all she deserves to be with someone she chooses to be with, someone whose company she actually enjoys, who improves her life. That’s what chemistry is. It’s really not that complicated.

As for the "chemistry" in the other lard ship people have been trying to push at me lately, still no. Please get it into your heads that hate-sexy is not and never will be enticing to me and I don't. heckin. ship it. I want to see Dameon safe and happy with someone who cares about him and values him, someone he can share all that tenderness in his good heart with and someone who will blush softly at his compliments and who will respond with affection, not mocking or flippancy. He's been through a lot already. His own mother (who I love but can acknowledge had her own struggles and flaws) is not affectionate to him-- canonly and fanonly which everyone would have noticed if they actually cared about any character other than lard. Dameon doesn't need more questions,  more difficulty, more pain. I don’t want to see him villainized and sexualized so lard can have somebody to love to hate. Dameon deserves kindness and compassion and protection, in canon and in this fandom, and I really cannot be expected to have anything but scorn for an interpretation that doesn't acknowledge that, or anything but disgust for ships that deprive him like he's been deprived his whole existence of those basic needs.

4. Opposite attract

Yeah, to a certain extent, that’s why I ship the spunky loud impulsive warrior girl with the calm quiet measured healer boy. That’s what “opposites attract” means. It does not and should not mean one character is mean and the other stands up for themselves or other victims. It should not mean one character is a toxic cruel person while the other stays gentle and kind despite horrible circumstances. It should never be used when what you actually mean is “they fight” and ESPECIALLY not when the fights are because one character is a self-obsessed jerk. That’s not called cute and trust me, I know cute. What that’s called is normalizing and romanticizing abusive tendencies and it needs. To stop. This goes for every lard ship in the entire world. I know about “opposites attract” and that ain’t it, ya noodles.

5.  Rona was abusive

Again, people need to quit trying to excuse their problematic male fave by villainizing the women in the story. For that matter quit villainizing or parodying the dark skinned characters to do it. This has happened in every single fandom I've been in and I can't pretend it's just a coincidence anymore, there's something seriously scary going on and I'm not into it. Just stop. Lard is literally crap. Even if he was abused, it wouldn’t excuse how he treated others. Plenty of abuse victims go on to not be complete buttheads who physically hurt small children and condone slavery.

Furthermore Lard was not abused, or neglected, or anything of the sort. All of Rona’s dialogue indicates that she adores lard. She calls him “my darling son” and makes sure he has good clothes for traveling before he leaves and worries if he isn’t home for dinner. If anyone inconveniences him in even the slightest way she makes them pay for it and holds the grudge forever. She spoils him. Multiple characters literally say so. This is canon. Explicitly canon. It wasn’t one of the mysteries we were left to figure out, it was put out right in front of us. If people want to think differently so they can keep worshiping their precious pig-fat, they can. But there is no evidence. This is not other people noticing something I missed. This is people making stuff up that directly contradicts what we actually see in the story-- which they are free to do, but they are not free to demand I accept their fantasies as canon or even vaguely convincing fanon. What it’s called is crack. And I don’t have to like it just because you do.

Also just a psa I’m never gonna like a headcanon (or a canon for that matter) that slings mud at a perfectly good female character in the name of giving an abusive arrogant male some angst so people can uwu over him. Unless you’re looking for salt and scorn, leave me out of it.

6. it’s *his* story

Again with giving Rhen’s accomplishments to her abuser. In her own game, too. I am not impressed or convinced in any way. I’ve already talked about how lard contributes no useful information during the entirety of the quest (see 1)-- and it’s a long quest. Besides the abuse, none of his lines affect any other character’s lines or actions, or any other aspect of the plot (see 1 again). He has no meaningful relationships (see 2), besides maybe Elini, but the people who like him ignore or forget that, so really, they can stop pretending they cared about any other character’s dialogue. Nothing lard does contributes to the plot or any other character’s development (1 and 2). If he was ditched in Veldarah literally not a single aspect of the story would change. The only reason for him to be mandatory is because Amanda correctly assumed some people (like me, definitely me) wouldn’t take him if he wasn’t, and then she couldn’t introduce the fighting dynamics with multiple party members as early. (Personally I would love to be able to take Eddie or the one sword singer student who is nice to Rhen instead, it would take out a lot of the racist undertones the game has due to lard’s presence, make for much more interesting dynamics, and would make it possible to explore the impact of what Rhen went through in a much more meaningful way that fewer people would be able to interpret as romantic or excusable. It’d also be cool to have Talia as a briefly playable character, though I suppose her fighting skills would make us too op for the spiders.)

Also, before anyone tries that “he stuck with the quest to the end” crap, so did heckin Mad Marge but nobody gives her any credit so don’t even try me. He also forced his way into the party against the protagonist’s will, and made it clear from the beginning he was in it for his own glory. And there is nothing in the entire game to indicate that ever changes, even slightly (see 1 and 2). In fact every scrap of dialogue indicates the exact opposite (1, 2, and 3). So that argument means exactly nothing to me, except that I’m annoyed I have to take him in the first place.

There are also a few lesser known examples of this type of argument where people try to praise lard or exalt his connection to Rhen for something literally every other party member also did. I have the same response to all of them. Shut up. I am bored with you. Take an interest in a character who is not a self-serving egotistical sadistic moldy toenail for once in your lives.

And speaking of that, I have literally gone through the entire game without having lard in my party even once, and it’s actually easier that way. Before graduation his spells are pretty useless and he dies all the time, so not using him means I can buy lighting scrolls and actually do some damage instead of buying cassia leaves and venison and covey balm ten thousand times. After graduation you get Elini and then Dameon and Te’ijal pretty quickly, and now instead of 50 cassia leaves you have lightning scrolls which are SUPER USEFUL in the next few areas. I’ve easily beaten Ahriman at level 63 (expert mode) using this strategy, in one try. I could probably do it at a lower level too, but I don’t use the traveling runes so it’s hard to not gain levels.

Tldr; lard is literally crap and also useless. Ditch him and his worshipers. Be free and enjoy Amanda’s awesome action-adventure female coming of age story with me, I have cookies and good fanfiction. Also pretty decent fanart, if I do say so myself. And when I’m not raging against the social brainwashing that made most of the population think being abusive and arrogant makes a character cool, I’m mostly nice.

Mostly.