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datingintampafails · 4 years ago

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Chapter 33: Robert*

Robert* reminds me of Peter*, in which, there’s confusion about names, the vibes are never quite right, and the date is pretty short. Though in this case, although we did talk for a longer time than Peter* and I did, the date itself was even shorter, a whopping 45 minutes.

Initially, Robert* likes me first on Hinge. His profile is not necessarily a slam dunk for me. He looks decent looking, though not my usual type, and has a chain bakery listed as to where he works. I like to think I am not a snob when it comes to careers, I’m pretty open-minded, but I do want to be with someone who has ambition and can have intelligent conversations with me since I am pretty well educated. Basically, someone around my level of thinking.

I decided to give the guy a chance and respond to his like by mentioning that I really like cookies at the place he works. He mentions that we could have a first date there and I responded by asking if he has dates with girls at his work often. He tells me he has only been working there a few weeks, so no. We legitimately talk about the different kinds of cookies for a while, then he moves on to ask me about what else I like. I mention my dog, then share that I space out and have trouble thinking on the spot and ask him about himself to see if it will also remind me of other things I like. He talks about seeing friends and playing video games, adds he “Doesn’t get out much.” Without missing a beat, he asks me what I’m looking for on dating apps. The dreaded question. I ask him to tell me first. My reasoning being, I feel like many men will cater their answers to what you want, instead of telling the truth. He writes me a long answer then gives me a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read) that is maybe ⅔ the length of the original message, so not that short, that says “going with the flow, down for a consistent [friends with benefits] or relationship, whatever happens, just not a one-night stand.” He announces it is then my turn to respond. I tell him I feel more or less the same, as his original longer message, but that I am not as much interested in the friends with benefits thing. Specifically, I say that with FWB, there needs to be an opportunity, or “nahhh.” I say that expectations only bring hardship and lightheartedly say I like to ask super important questions early in relationships, i.e. like my survey/application from way back when, and add “like cookie choices.” He asks me to clarify my opportunity or nahhh and says he is an open book and I can ask him anything. I explain my feelings more, saying that I don’t see the point of sticking around if someone is dead set on not wanting a relationship with me, as well as it is usually temporary and almost like a holding pattern. I ask my most important question, which is if someone wants children or not.

I get a slight argument back from him, regarding the FWB thing, saying that it can turn into more. I argue back, saying that it is still something that needs to be wanted, or at least both parties from the start can think “maybe someday.” He says this and that about the FWB, before answering my question. He says, more or less, he is open to it but it isn’t a necessity for him, however, he definitely doesn’t want kids right now. He asks me how I feel about it and I express I do not want them but would be open to adoption. He says that’s fine with him and quickly says, “Any other questions.” I am not meaning for this to be an interview. I say I do have a question, but that it is more of an open-ended/ statement that can be responded to. All I say for my “question” is the phrase “trump.” I also let him know I am going to sleep soon so we can continue our conversation in the morning. He does not like my question, that is that he says it is too vague and isn’t helpful for political discussions. I tell him that is my point, and that I am looking for him to express his feelings and that I can either oppose, agree, or somewhere in between. He says likely there would be all three. I go to sleep so I do not respond.

He greets me in the morning with a good morning. I greet him back, though I remind him I am still waiting on his opinions. It is a Saturday, so I also let him know I am about to present for a Zoom conference. He says he’s at a rowing camp and on a break from that, then asks me about my conference. He again requests that I be more specific than just “Saying one word.” I tell him about the conference, but regarding the political question, I send an eye-rolling emoji again saying that that is the point of the open forum, that I am looking for a blanket statement of his feelings regarding Trump.

He again asks about my presentation, and how it went, then goes on to give a pretty neutral debate, saying there’s good and bad, though it seems he veers more towards being a Trump fan, which is not my preference. Robert* offers to me that I can ask any questions about his stance. I am thinking, I do not need an invitation, I have a question and I will ask it.

Robert* inquires what I am doing the rest of the night. I say I’m staying in as I am going to Disney World the next day. I ask him what he is going to do the rest of the night, as that is the societally polite thing to do. I am asked AGAIN if I have any questions to ask him. He also says that he “wanted to do something with someone tonight. Chill night in maybe? Not necessarily sexual. Just relaxing, drinking some wine maybe.” My response is “haha sorry i don’t think i’ll be ‘someone’ today,” both calling him out on obviously being thirsty, as well and reiterating I am not planning on going out tonight. He admits defeat, saying that he didn’t think I would be either, but it was “worth a shot to ask.” However, he does say he does want to get together sometime.

Immediately before I can even respond to that, though, he asks me where in Disney I am going tomorrow. I tell him that Monday I could look at my schedule and put together a time and day we could meet up. I also express that I do not want to meet him at either of our places, mostly because of the stunt he had just pulled. I tell him my Disney World plans as well. He says that it is fine to talk about going out on Monday and says that “that would’ve been the plan” to not hang out at either of our places, despite what he had just said earlier about having a chill night in. I call him out on this, reminding him that he had just said something different, his response being, “yes, sorry if that made you uncomfortable. Im horny as all hell but my intentions are good and i can keep it in my pants. I promise.” How romantic. I send a laughing emoji and say that we’ve all been there before. He says he didn’t want to cross the “TMI threshold,” wherein I say that it is difficult to TMI me, but that doesn't mean I won’t be judgemental. His next comment is awkward, as he invites me to judge, but says that he’s “done [his] fair share of crazy/dumb/slutty shit. As [he is] sure [I] have too.” Weird to accuse someone you are trying to woo of being a crazy dumb slut, but okay. I bring up that I had an abusive relationship but that even in that, I wasn’t completely devoid of wrongdoing. He asks if I am comfortable talking about that and is sympathetic. I tell him more about that and he asks for some of the red flags my ex but off that I ignored. For the billionth time, Robert* offers that if I have any more important questions that I can go ahead and ask. I briefly acknowledge he asked again, by saying “lol if they come up organically I’ll ask” before continuing to talk about my abusive ex. One of the things I mentioned was that my ex was very critical about my body habitus, that is, that I was too skinny. Robert* takes it upon himself to say, “ as far as your body, it seems like you have a great fucking body…. As long as you’re not unhealthy idgaf im attracted to you sooooo” then sends two heart-eyed emojis and a shrugging guy emoji. The line he draws is that his “hands are rated E for everyone,” the context being, if someone hit him he would hit back. I explained my body issues some more and that I have stomach issues, and have always been a small person. He misunderstands and thinks I’m talking about having abs or having a fatty stomach. With the context I felt I had given, I sent a bunch of question marks before adding that my stomach issues were internal. He apologizes a lot for misunderstanding and says he is glad I’m in a better situation.

In his mind, it’s now a great time to bring up that we should text or snap. I tell him that Snapchat is “for hoes” if you only talk on Snapchat. Referencing to myself Darren* mostly. He sends me his number and then I text him. The next day, I am off having a day with my friend at an amusement park. He texts me often throughout the day and I respond when I have a chance. My best friend is asking me “who is this one?” and by the time she asks this, I’m honestly getting a little annoyed. She’s still asking about John* and where he is at. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. We’re mad at him right now. He is doing that shit again. I have to play the game, you know?” I describe Robert* as being kind of needy. At one point, Robert* is texting and asking desperately when I’m free and when we can go out. I tell him “I’m still out I’m not focused on that right now” The overeagerness is kind of a turn-off. And as mentioned earlier, we had already agreed to plan things out on Monday, and it was Sunday. He responds “Ok nvm. We don’t have to talk about that. Sorry.” Maybe I was harsh but had to put this guy in his place. I get a barrage of questions about Disney World. I mention I’m wearing my hat like a frat boy. He responds jokingly, “disgusting, how dare you.” I continue the charade by saying “yep I haze the shit out of people.” Next, however, his response is too cringey, “Mmmm haze me frat mandy” and adds “I can go more cringe.” I reply, “no thanks.” I ignore him for the rest of the day and then when I get home I finally tell him 1) I’m home and 2) what days I’m available. He gets irritated as the two nights I am available, are the only nights he is working. I have some friends coming into town the next weekend as well, so I tell him I’m not really available since I want to hang out with them. We go back and forth on what to do then with our conflicting schedules. Finally, we agree upon doing something after my work, but before his work on one of the days, giving us a tight segment of time but that should be enough for more or less a meet and greet. Because he is the one that will have somewhere to go, I tell him that he’s in charge of the planning and logistics because I wanted to make sure he had enough time to get to work.

We chat superficially in the meantime, mostly about video games and a little about past relationships. And of course… more inviting me to ask questions again. He puts me on the spot regarding the date and is trying to make me plan. I put the responsibility back on him. Finally, he suggests a place he had been wanting to try, that is more or less like a juice bar that also does protein shakes, kind of a health shop. Not really my kind of place, but I’m making him do all the planning so I won’t argue. We both independently go on a search for menus/information. He makes a comment regarding finding the menu but no prices. He randomly comments while we are chatting about the place “have i ever said that youre really fucking cute,” to which I just respond “not like in those exact words.” He adds “but yea you are. I humbly brag, “thanks! I know this about myself.” Typical male response is, presumably joking, “ok you’re too cocky” “youre ugly” “gotta bring you down a peg.” To this I just say, “it’s called confidence/not being insecure.” He switches things around saying “i know confidence is sexy.”

I don’t respond to this and get a good morning text the next day and he makes small talk about how we slept and such. It is the day that I have a date with Timmy*, but of course Robert* doesn’t know this. He at one point texts me saying that his morning got really shitty. I ask him what’s wrong and all he says is “I’ll tell you about it later.” I wonder why people do this, like why bring it up if you aren’t gonna talk about it now? It all seems like a sort of test. I do not play these games. All I say in response is “ok.” He adds “if I don’t text you about it remind me.” I don’t respond. He texts me again asking how my work is going an hour-ish later. I say it’s hectic and he asks if I’m on lunch. I send him a message about not getting full lunch breaks. I don’t hear from him for almost five hours, and given his text earlier about his bad day, I figured something could be wrong given how clingy via text he usually is. I finally text him and ask if he is ok. He says he took a nap and asked again about work, making a point that it was better than his day. Enough of the baiting, I finally say snarkily, “yeah you still have to tell me [what happened.” He is hyping it up now, saying “fair warning - its sad” I don’t respond because I figure he would still go on and tell me what happens and it didn’t warrant a response, but then he adds “if you still want to know” a few minutes later. I honestly don’t care too much, “if you want to tell me.” He finally does tell me what happened, and essentially he saw a dog be hit by a car and had tried to help it with someone else who saw the hit but the dog, unfortunately, didn’t make it. I commend him on trying to help and he says that he did the right thing and that’s why his day sucked. I don’t really know how to respond to that, plus at this point, I am getting ready for my date.

I lie to him when he asks me about my night, saying that I am chilling. More small talk to my disgust, and I verify our plans for the next day. He makes a comment about not being able to see the prices anywhere. This seems to be a worry of his for whatever reason, so I tell him that we can do something else and that I am flexible. He is of no help, as all he says about this is “idk what else we’d do.” My response is “ok” and I say I’m going to bed. In the morning it is finally the day of our date and I let him know that unfortunately I forgot to bring a change of clothes with me to work, so I’ll be wearing my work outfit tonight. He makes a comment about how he’s never seen a cute girl not look good in scrubs, and I let him know that today is the day that changes.

During the day, he states he is thinking of driving by to check the prices of the drinks and that he’s also got a back up. I tell him he should do whatever he wants. I look the places up and they are about 25 minutes away from my work. I head on that way once my work is done and I arrive first. I wait in my car until he texts me to ask which car is mine. I get out of my car and grab my things, now realizing I parked next to a puddle of water and got my shoes a little wet. I laugh it off and say oh well. I see who I presume to be him getting out of a car on the other side of the parking lot. He’s wearing a light pink hoodie, a little different but hey, real men wear pink, right?

I approach him and say hello and give him a hug. We get our masks on and walk into the store. Immediately we are greeted by who I can only assume is the owner of the shop. He is bright and happy and gives us his spiel about the type of beverages they have there. Robert* is being very quiet and is very short with the worker, saying he doesn’t know what he wants and I should go first. I try to describe what I’m going for, and the worker says the exact thing on the menu I want is unavailable due to a delayed shipment, but suggests something else to me and I accept with recommendation. I am done ordering apparently too quickly, as my date is still undecided. The owner ends up just asking him if he likes snickers, the candy bar, and he gives a not-very-believable “Yeah” so the owner suggests to him a shake that is based on those flavor patterns. Robert* is asked if we’re paying together and I look to him, he lets out an apathetic, “sure” and it takes all of my energy not to scoff. The owner tells us that they’re giving discounts out if you advertise the location by sharing a photo on social media and I agree to do so, because why not.

Then it gets a little uncomfortable. The owner is trying to be extra personable and make it a personalized experience, so upon receiving Robert*’s card, he starts referring to him using his name that is on his card. The only thing is, the name I know him by is not the name on the card, nor any fort of that name, like a typical nickname. Under my face mask, I smile and almost laugh to myself like, you dumb bitch who are you even out with rihgt now. Additional peer pressure from the owner also leads to us giving him our emails and signing up for their loyalty program, which also knocks off some cents off our drink. When I give him mine, obviously everything is the same, but when he gives his email, his email does have the name that I knew him by in the address, so I figure okay maybe Robert* is a middle name or something. Because we were under one order, there was also some sort of combo discount included as well since he got a shake and, I, a tea.

As we walk away from the counter and take a seat on a couch maybe 10 feet away, Robert* abruptly asks “what do you think the damage is?” Immediately pulling out his phone and checking the receipt of our drinks. “Uh I don’t know…. Sixteen dollars,” I guess. I am honestly put off by his obsession on price. I understand money issues, but it is not appropriate for first date behavior. I am pretty close, as it is somewhere in the mid $15 range. He scoffs at the prices.

Now that we are sitting together, I am noticing really how disheveled and not put together he looks. He has overgrown stubble, too short to be a beard, but definitely not stubble from just the day. His skin all over his face and body is dry and flaky, especially on his ears. Again, I expect a little more from a man who has had days to prepare for this date. I have been sipping my drink for a while, and it is honestly delicious, one of the best beverages I’ve ever had. He asks if I would like to try his drink. “No thank you, I don’t think it would go well with my fruity drink,” I half lie. The major reason why is that I am weird about sharing drinks/food and that so far I am almost repulsed by him and don’t want to share anything with him.

Despite my lack of optimism already, I try my best to be upbeat and give him a chance. I am trying to start a conversation and ask him questions and get to know him more, but he is a brick wall. He’s just staring at me and not saying anything, occasionally taking sips from his shake. Many of his responses are very sarcastic and rude. He actually brings up the ears; he had a very bad sunburn and that’s why they looked like that. Doesn’t explain the rest of his look though, but at least he was aware of that. It is pretty warm in the shop. I already opted to leave my jacket in the car, but at one point he decided to take off his sweatshirt. Underneath was a red shirt with almost like a confetti cake type pattern, of little microscopic dots of different colors throughout. I compliment the shirt, and mention I have one of a similar type of fabric pattern. I am nodded at. I again continue to try and force conversation, but I am still getting nothing.

Randomly he says, “come here” and puts his arm around me, pulling me close. I am extremely confused, as I was getting very negative vibes from him all over. I make my confusion known by commenting about how that was out of nowhere. His only response is, “oh you know.” “No, I do not know. I have no idea what is going on right now.” He only just chuckles and is like “you’re a cute girl.” I furrow my brow in confusion and figure we should get some air and suggest we take a walk. I ran to my car and put the drink in my car as well as my bag, being light, only having my phone and car keys for the walk. We take off and just walk through a nearby neighborhood. We have maybe 10-15 more minutes until he has to get going so he can get to work in time.

Conversation is still moderately forced, but a little better. At one point, we come up to a tree where the branches overhang drastically over the sidewalk. Whereas before I had been walking on the street side, Robert* has swung around and walked into the street, whereas I choose just to duck under the branches, which is easier with me being shorter, although I would not say he is very tall either. I made a comment about not caring and that he could have just “pushed me into the street/out of the way” and continued on, jokingly, about how you have to put a woman in their place. He says “okay noted I see what you like now,” trying to turn it into something sexual, it seems. I pause a moment, becoming much more serious when I say, “you know I’m kidding. I’ve told you about my abusive relationship so obviously I am not a fan of battering women.” In this moment, he pulls me into an embrace and tries to kiss me. I lean away and ask him, “why is talking about abusing women the time to try and kiss me?” He makes an excuse saying that he just really wanted to kiss me. I lie again, making another excuse about why I don’t want to kiss him, “I’m more old fashioned I guess, I’d like to get to know someone a little better and make sure that we are compatible and know each other well before I do anything.” Again, not entirely untrue. For the five hundredth or so time, Robert* says that I can ask him any questions.

I check my watch and declare, accurately, “We should probably head back towards our cars, you need to head out soon.” We walk back to the parking lot, having idle chitter chatter. When we get to my car, it’s perfect timing, as an alarm he had set to make sure he left on time goes off. I start to say our goodbyes and he tells me again that he wants to kiss me. I make a noise that makes my discomfort known, and he says, “well what about a kiss on the cheek?” I say verbatim, “I’ll allow it.” He makes a sarcastic comment, mocking me about “allowing it.” I retorted back saying, “well yeah.” He sticks to his word and only does a cheek kiss, and I’m cringing and can’t wait to wash my face when I get home. Being polite, I ask for him to let me know when he gets to work.

Using my Apple Carplay, I ask my car to text him when I notice he is driving behind me. Though, as all I’m getting is audio, I don’t know exactly what I am texting until I get home later.

(the first two texts of mine are my car texting and not manually)

Immediately, he asks me my feelings about him.

I then offered Venmo him money for my drink, as obviously money was a huge concern for him. He accepts and sends me his Venmo. I sent him the money and let him know so.

And that is that. He doesn’t text me after that.

#dating #relationships #stpete #florida #tampa #tampabay #hinge #bumble #tinder #datingapps #baddates

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ossy-p-art · 5 years ago

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cringe ass nae nae writing

writing some spm stuff based on an au I came up with forever ago about Luigi and Dimentio never unfusing and everything is terrible do not look me in the eyes

???

Something enters your space. A light tip-tap as it skitters across the floor is what first alerted you of its presence, but now even if it held still you’d know exactly where it was. You can smell the magic it emits, and even more damning, feel its presence within space and time. The divot it makes in the fabric of space, the border of its flesh- you could identify its location if it was pitch black and you were deaf.

Easy meal.

You lunge at it moving at not even half your top speed, and easily snap it up between your jaws without a second thought. You chew- and feel an odd nagging in the back of your skull. You slow… It feels like you should be focusing on something.

Well, the taste certainly isn’t nice. Sharp and bitter, coppery and cold. The texture is worse, the thing is cutting up your mouth quite a bit. Its making quite a racket in there, and you feel like the noise its making is….important. Its not just any random series of sounds, its… a voice? Its speaking a language… the tone is very harsh, very mean… it makes your eyebrows furrow. You know this voice… its demanding somethi

“DON’T YOU DARE SWALLOW ME YOU NITWIT!!“

LUIGI

You come to your senses and immediately hack up the creature that had been in your mouth, and it tumbles a few times before steadying itself on extended, spiderlike appendages. It seems disoriented, then furious, then disgusted.

"EeeEEW LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY DRESS YOU JERKS!”

Something seems comical about this tiny green creature disciplining you. Shes less than even a third of your size. You search your mind for a name. She’s… she’s….

“Do you even recognize me? Its me, Mimi! Hello???"

Your head lifts quickly. That’s the name! She seems pleased you’re showing recognition.

"Can I finally get a decent welcome now? I’ve been worried.”

Her face is washed over with a new expression- relief. You’re unsure why. She approaches you, boldly, and places a hand against yours.

"…You’re still alive in there, right, L?“

That name just about sent a shockwave through you. You back away quickly, only to begin stumbling over your long, flexible limbs. You don’t know if you’re fleeing from Mimi or the nonexistent embodiment of the information itself, but you crash into a heap in your distress.

"Wh- hey! I’m not even trying to scare you guys!”

Something deeply disturbs you about how she addresses you in a plural sense. You still feel like your sentience is escaping you, like you’re moments away from returning to the mental state of a wild animal.

You try hard to focus. You forgot you even had an identity. You had just been prowling around in the ruins of Castle Bleck for some time now, like a predator. Remembering your own name was a slap to the face, scaring the last animalistic tendencies right out of you. You scour your mind for context…you try to remember…

The chaos heart was inside you- more specifically in your chest. You could hazily see your brother hopping from platform to platform, trying to counter you, trying to win…but also trying not to hurt you.

He couldn’t choose both.

You remember looming over him. He went too easy on you. You had the upper hand. Your foot was raised to crush him.

And then you remember absolutely losing your mind.

The heart in your chest was subject to a sudden onslaught of emotional and magical violence that burst forth from you all at once. You remember forcing the chaos heart out of your chest and deep into the pit of your stomach, like most of your unpleasant emotions.

Down into your core, away from light, away from control, buried underneath the rest of your guilt and sadness you keep locked up inside.

And then you fainted.

Your name is Luigi.

You tentatively stand up. You can feel the chaos heart still deep inside your gut, though it feels different. Wounded almost…. changing? Its pulsing inside you, shifting. Its uncomfortable, to say the least. Bitterly cold.

You’re still in the monstrous form you were attacking your brother in. A horrifying half-you, half-jester abomination. Your neck a repulsively long stretch of black and white, with a ruff to cover the base. You pull your head closer to your body. You feel terrified of yourself. Mimi cocks her head as she approaches you.

"Hey, L, its ok.“

Her tiny hand rests on yours, and you feel a little more at ease.

"The others are alright, y’know. Nastasia is kinda rough around the edges, but things have been ok!"

She offers you a smile. You feel selfish for not worrying about the others- your main concern right now was yourself.

"Um, Mario has been just fine too. He was really upset about…all this. But hes healing really well!”

She must’ve seen you tense up in fear, because she pursed her lips and patted your hand a few more times.

“Nass says that you should have the power to change…"

You tilt your head.

"Like, y’know. Change outta this…gross ugly body.”

She gestures to you as a whole. You’re not exactly an adept magic user, and you’re scared of trying to channel the chaos heart’s magic for any reason… But apparently its not your choice, as someone else begins using it for you.

DIMENTIO

As soon as you catch wind that it is an option, you begin to shift out of this bulky, uncomfortable form. Your height shrinks, limbs grow shorter, and your neck becomes a reasonable length as you manipulate the heart resting inside you. The thing is in shambles from its harassment earlier- presumably yours.You didn’t think your manipulation was going to break the damn thing, but now for some reason its dysfunctional. You finally are able to stand on two feet without assistance of your arms like some kind of ape, and casually float a few inches off the ground. You examine your body, much to an ignored Mimi’s annoyance. You don’t really want to talk to her. Your head is killing you, and taking the time to contemplate and form dialogue would only make the pain spike. You instead examine your body as Mimi taps her foot impatiently.

Your poncho which once fit your bigger form decently now drapes over you like a dress. You have scars all over your exposed legs and arms. Gloved hands, a fancy little ruffle around your neck… with your tattered clothes and ruffled hair, you look like quite the train wreck. You absentmindedly tap your cheek before realizing in fear that it is completely exposed, along with the rest of your face.

You scan the ground in a panic before finding your prize- your mask. You slide it on, breathing a sigh of relief. It still fits perfectly. You feel a sense of comfort with it at home on your face. You cast a glance over at Mimi, who looks wholly irritated.

"Is that Dimmy now?“

You scoffed lightly, attempted to come up with a retort, but were unsuccessful in forming a single sentence. Your throat feels horribly damaged for some reason. Possibly magic burns. The pain causes you to fall to one knee, and Mimi quickly skitters over, despite her previous expression of distaste

LUIGI

Having a human-like body again fills you with so much relief it nearly blocks out the intense horror you felt when your arm moved against your own will to pick up Dimentio’s mask and place it over your face. The material was cold and uninviting, and shivers ran down your spine when it remained on your face despite there being no strap to speak of. You tried to gather your courage and stand back up, but just wobbled and collapsed on the ground. This is….ok, too, you guess. Mimi stared at you concerned.

"I’m gonna get Chunky to carry you outta here, ok? Its super cold and I dunno if its good for you in here. Its gonna be ok."

Mimi gave you a pat on your side, and as quickly as she came, the spiderling skittered off into the darkened ruins of Castle Bleck.

You remained on your side, waiting. Mostly alone. Making horrifying discoveries by accident. You had ran your tongue along your teeth only to realize they were razor sharp. You could bite your own tongue off if you wanted to. You tried to rub your eyes, only to feel that they were empty sockets, devoid of your once charming blue eyes. You have no idea how you’re still able to see, even if your vision is rather poor. You decide to stop moving completely, before you make another nightmarish discovery, like your ears being inside out or your hands being on backwards or something.

The worst part about being left alone is having to endure the activity inside your stomach with absolutely nothing to distract you. The chaos heart was like some kind of animal, chewing away at you and leaving you feel horribly drained. You hugged your stomach, as if that would help

DIMENTIO

You need…a compromise. Something else to occupy the chaos heart aside from your flesh. A power source maybe. If it had something else to gnaw on, it would likely be more easy to deal with. You moved your arms out of the vise-like grip they had over your stomach, and turned to lay flat on your back. You moved your hands under the fabric of your oversized poncho, letting them rest over your stomach. You noticed with a bit of distaste that it wasn’t as flat as before. Are chaos hearts fattening? Are they bad for you?? You ponder this for awhile as magic gently trickles through your fingers and into the flesh of your stomach. A mild pain relief spell, nothing too advanced, but enough to let you catch your breath. You breathe slowly, trying to ease away the panic that is flooding your nerves. Deep breath in, slow exhale out. You rest your eyes as you attempt to meditate, and for some reason you aren’t calmed in the slightest. This isn’t like you. Why is your heart racing like that? You don’t really know why Mimi is being so docile right now- you don’t really understand half of what she said. Why was she telling you about Mario of all people?? Do you look like you care? And another thing- clearly you must’ve lost the fight…so why are you still breathing?

And where did that green fool wander off to in all this?

#writing #spm #dimentio #luigi #spm mimi #pleas dont call me cringe #alliance au

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spliinkles · 6 years ago

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Overzealous

Kind of a continuation from yesterdays fic?

Context- I'm using the headcannon that Wild can be possessed by the other Champion's when he's either under too much stress or unconscious. Another headcannon I made with someone on the discord to add to this is that when activating the Champion's power, not only is the power enhanced, but also a projection of the user of the power can be seen over Wild's body (as you'll see below ;)) aGAIN ANOTHER SELF INDULGENT FIC WOOHOO

Au belongs to Jojo | linkeduniverse

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"What did you do?!" Legend seethed at Warriors who in return coughed, looking away with a look of guilt. He stared ahead, ignoring the pointed glare that was facing him until Legend repeated the question, punching Warrior's arm as if to keep his attention.

Warriors looked down with a grimace, "I don't know, ok? I was practicing with my bow with Wild and I asked him for pointers- long story short, that bird-thing- Rito I think? Whoever is possessing him has kept up his speech for the last six minutes and he doesn't look to be stopping." Legend cursed at the words, "Of course it was you who did it." Warriors scoffed, offended, yet Legend turned, watching the scene unfold.

Before them stood Wild, or, what appears to be Wild with a lack of his, per say, spirit, where the embodiment of 'annoying' now possessed.

From what the others knew, the spirits name was Revali- the apparent official 'greatest archer of all of Hyrule' and everyone's collective unofficial 'pain in the head'. He was, in the least, a proud, flamboyant and 'sophisticated' individual with a love for archery- and a seemingly obvious dislike for Wild.

The two watched the Hylian, who stood straight and proud, something so unlike Wild.

"And honestly, if I knew you Hylian's were open to critique as you oh so generously asked, I would've showed up much sooner, trust me."

That's right, Legend thought, This is the first time this spirit has shown up. Legend mulled over that thought for a second, before narrowing his eyes. He decided that he didn't like this character inhabiting Wild.

Besides Legend, both Twilight and Time -all three in which had just arrived back from gathering items for that night's dinner- stood several metres from the overzealous Hylian, indescribable expression plastered on their faces.

Everyone except Revali was still.

Revali was quick to notice, rolling Wild's eyes with a disgusted groan, "Please, you all know about us, it was only a matter of time before my presence graced you." He took a second to snatch the Sheikah Slate from Wild's belt, albeit a little sloppily as he cursed out at Hylian's anatomy.

Everyone watched as he swiped through it.

Twilight stepped forward frowning, "Hey, what-" he didn't get any further however as the knights bow in wild's hand disintegrated in a fine, glowing blue light before being replaced by a bow much more intricately crafted- Wild's mouth tilted into one of satisfaction, and a handful of those watching couldn't help but to think how un-natural the look was on him.

Revali re-latched the slate, using both hands to hold the well-made bow. He took a couple moments to fiddle with it, checking over finer details of the weapon. By now, Four and Wind had taken this opportunity to approach Wild, unnoticed by the spirit inhabiting the Hylian. They peered over his shoulder, marvelling at the bow, "Do you like this bow a lot?" A sound only descried a squawk left Wild's throat, the spirit jumping slightly as he whipped around, bow nearly smashing into Wind's face had it not been for Time's quick reflexes to drag the boy back. Revali glared at the boy, "Insufferable as Link and twice as small- just my luck." he stated, bringing the bow closer to him, "And this? Of course I like this bow, I was the one to wield it before Link- better yet," he smirked, "I was the one to create it."

Silence.

"Oh, ok." Wind shrugged.

Revali blinked.

"'Oh, ok?' That's it?" several people peered at each other before Four spoke up, "Well, I mean it isn't that special, I smithed most of my weapons myself." several others piped up, confirming this. Revali stilled, owlishly blinked once more, "No." he then stated.

Time could immediately feel a sense of dread travel down his back- he paused, watching Revali's movements, however small they are before tightening his mouth, "It isn't that big of a deal-" "OH please, save your breath." Wild's eyes rolled once more, "to smith a sword is nothing but child's play, now, a bow? This is where skill takes place." Four narrowed his eyes, letting out a scoff of offense, "Are you saying my skills are nothing but rubbish?" Wild eyes glanced at Four, shrugging, "Not saying they're anything spectacular." Four threw his arms up, "Nope! Not doing this today guys." he marched away, Wind quickly following.

"Hm, for a supposed hero he sure has a quick temper." Revali stated, ignoring the pointed glares meeting his figure, "anyway," he turned to Warriors, the man letting an 'oh god' whisper out, much to Legend's amusement, "you wish to learn proper techniques, yes?" Warriors shook his head, "No, I think I-" "Perfect! I'm glad you agree, I've been watching you all through Link and quite frankly, there's much room for improvement for…" Revali paused, glancing around at the others before humming, "well, let's say practice would make for much better improvements, you see?" "Twenty rupees and I'll punch him." Legend whispered. Immediately, Warriors choked on his breath, a hand landing on Legend's shoulders as he tried to contain his laughter. Legend glanced at Warriors, before looking back at the Hylian, "You're right, I'll do it for free." before attempting his attack however, Time stepped forward, "Look… wait what's your name?" Revali repeated his title, just as proud as the first time, "Revali, as much as we would… appreciate the help, we would rather Wild if anything, considering…" Revali sneered, "Considering I'm dead?"

Words died out of Time's throat as everything fell silent.

"Oh god no," Legend then started snapping everyone's attention to him, "Look, if your annoying personality can stick after a century, I'm sure your skills with archery are still there- just because you're dead, it won't change anything. Time's only saying this because we're more comfortable around Wild." Wild's face sneered at Legend, yet he kept quiet, mulling over the words. He then narrowed his eyes, "But I am him- just with more poise." he gestured to his posture with a smile, waving Legend's look of disbelief off, "none of that, I came to teach and teach I shall! Where are your arrows?!" he started to scour the area as others denied, "We don't have that many left!" "Then this will be worth the loss of some extra rupees." Revali merely replied with, finding his targeted ammunition within one of Wild's pouches. He heaved the pouch over his shoulders with ease.

"This is a waste of arrows- we might need those!" Twilight stated, walking to Wild with a stern glare, "look, bird brains, I'm usually all for some fun, but not with supplies that are already low." Revali rolled his eyes, "don't worry, Link's thinking of taking you to his house," confused looks met his, "What, he hasn't told you? Ugh, of course not, the imbecilic. Don't worry, your supplies will be filled soon enough." He nocked an arrow, testing the string before drawing the arrow out. "Hold up, wait, this is going way too fast-" "Good." "No, not good! Wait what are you-"

A gust so powerful it ripped through the entire camp- bed rolls went flying, as well as personal belongings and the newly acquired food. Yet all eyes were on Wild.

Or on Revali, more specifically.

Wild's body had lit up in a spectacular green, yet his body wasn't the main focus, no, the main focus was solely on the green outline of a Rito that engulfed around Wild, as if he was a projection. Green flames littered around them, dancing in the wind that had everyone holding their ground to stop from being blown away themselves.

The view was ineffable.

Even Revali was surprised, looking down at his feathers that moved alongside Wild's arms. The bow itself now lodged between Revali's outline, rather than the Hylian's hands. A twist in his gut, a jolt of realisation- whatever had happened let him interact with his bow- let him feel the object once more, just has he once had. Revali blinked, eyes adjusting upwards, into the oblivion that was the sky.

He had a plan.

The wind died down barely, enough for Revali's voice to be picked up, "Prepare to see a show of a life time!" Then, he shot upwards, into the heavens.

Hearts jumped into their throats watching the projection of Revali from Wild's body soar above them, the wind tormenting the plains around them once more as a gust even stronger than last time shot through them- Wind and Four, although several feet further away, both fell.

The elegance of the way Revali moved in the air almost had everyone in awe, yet Twilight was the first to notice it.

"Wild doesn’t have his paraglider on him!" eyes wide, mouth agape, they watched Revali twist and turn, flying himself higher and higher- until the inevitable fall. Twilight felt his stomach drop, "Oh god no." And then they fell.

Down and down, they fell further; then even faster. The momentum dragging their very beings towards the ever-growing ground. Mere seconds seemed to drag onto minutes for those watching, tormenting them- in the blink of an eye, Revali raised his wings, praying to Hylia- to anyone who'd listen that this would work.

Then, Revali flew.

He felt the wind through his wings, the updraft curving his decent until he himself soared high.

The others on the ground collectively sighed in relief.

Deep within Revali's mind, he could feel the excitement pouring from Wild- Revali laughed, twisting and turning in the sky, feeling as alive as a dead spirit could be, "I have MISSED this!" he exclaimed, diving once more. Then, he saw it- the targets.

And judging by the fire burning from within, he knew Wild did too.

Revali smirked

He had a performance to do.

He dove once more, yet with no intent to stop. His wings tucked in, body lowering as far as it could until the momentum built up enough for him to feel the frigid cold air wisp by like a dream.

"…Ti… e it… " Revali paused for a second, yet still descending, "time it!" Wild yelled again, clearer; the excitement gushing out of him and Revali did so, whipping out his bow and watched wide eyed as a power so strong and so pure engulfed him.

Everything stilled.

No, he thought, watching his descension drift further down ever so slowly, not frozen, yet-

From within, he felt Wild laugh.

"Oh."

He could've laughed, yet instead he aimed his bow, all five arrows nocked.

He shot.

"So this is how you managed to nearly best me, you twerp!"

To the others, they watched in awe as Revali, in a mere second shot the targets, all five, with no effort, hitting each one simultaneously without missing a beat; all bulls-eyes.

Seconds later Revali landed, the outline dissipating quick enough.

Twilight, Sky and Warriors swarmed Wild, who now blinked owlishly- Wild was back. "Hey- are you ok?" Twilight asked, putting a hand on his shoulders. Wild blinked back, before a large smile grew on his face, a small bubbly laugh leaving him. "Holy shit, he's lost it." Legend exclaimed. Sky looked between the two in confusion.

Abruptly, Wild stopped laughing, the smile falling.

Everyone watched him.

His face, once a healthy tone turned pale- Twilight knew exactly what was about to happen. "To the bush!" He shouted, pushing Wild as the Hylian heaved. Quick enough, just as they reached the bush, Wild vomited.

Warriors made a disgusted sound, yet Legend merely elbowed him.

Time's eyes met Twilight's and the elder only rubbed his temples before leaving to go pick up everything that had flew away, passing Hyrule as he helped Four and Wind up from the ground.

Twilight himself just rubbing Wild's back, wondering how he's still alive with Wild's antics.

#linkeduniverse #linked universe #spliinkles writes #fanfic #legend of zelda #loz #link #revali

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l0oking-glass · 7 years ago

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PROFILE - Part Two: Language Profiling

Using language to deduce from a person is an underrated part in the profiling of a person, and therefore isn’t often covered, at least not taken as seriously as it should be. However, like appearance, people choose what to say and how to say it. Any choice made by a person tells you something about them, if you know what to look for, and how to look for it. Observe what you hear from a person and reason from the data. Here are some things to look for.

IMPORTANT: This is a general guide to what you can find with some of the specific areas covered, and should be treated as such; there will never be a definite answer to everything to emerge from here, as every situation is different, as well as the people involved, so context must always be taken to consideration.

Verbal Communication

Accent:

Familiarize yourself with the variety of accents in your country and your language, as well as how letters are pronounced in different languages. This can tell you if they’re native or foreign, and if foreign, where they might be from. (Common slang specific to a certain region of a country is also an indicator, but that’s up next). Accents can be learned, but getting to a native like fluency with it does take time. A good way to really learn and memorize the differences between similar accents is to practice them yourself. Make an effort to familiarize yourself with the slang of various regions of your country and other countries that speak the same languages that you do.

British Accents: x

American Accents: x

Vernacular:

The way that people phrase things, the slang, and the colloquials they use can clue you into how educated they are, as well as where they’re from. How they speak also holds strong indicators to certain personality types (ie serious, playful, shy, etc. That’s psychology, and will be covered in the final post of this introduction series) It is important to note that these are guidelines, and must be added into the context of the situation you’re in.

Furthermore, what someone says is obviously pretty important. Take note of what someone says as well as how they phrase it; people tell you more than they realize. For example, do they reference goals or ambitions? How do they say them? Whimsical? Determined? Hopeful? Maybe even sad? All of this gives you clues to things such as personality, interests, hobbies, and current living situation, to name a few. For example, is a casual acquaintance open and honest about more personal topics? Are they like that with everyone, or just you? If it’s with everyone, that points to a trusting, open, sociable person. If you observe that it’s just you they share with, it’s probable that they trust you, and feel safe sharing with you.

Context, and pay attention to not only what they’re saying, but also what it implies. This can be applicable to deduction as a whole, as well.

Tone:

Tone points to immediate mood and feelings, toward both the situation they’re in and the people involved, perhaps something else that’s on their mind. Watch for changes in tone and think about what that change indicates. Watch for shakiness in the voice, which implies an increasing level of some kind of emotion - be it sadness, anger, or fear. Most people are already sensitive to tone of voice, so this is a bit easier to pick up. Listen for variations in the person’s voice, large and small. Someone’s pitch will go up if they’re anxious or on edge (which can also be an indication of lying).

Texting:

This one can be a bit tricky because it requires setting up a baseline of some kind. People develop their own texting style. These patterns become clear - commonly used abbreviations, emojis, and even specific phrases. Deviation from these patterns can mean there’s something up - again, context is key here. For example, someone who usually says “Lol’, suddenly says “Haha”, you can assume their mood has deviated somehow, there’s something that caused the change in pattern. They may be angry, upset, or uncomfortable with the topic at hand. Context will tell you which.

Variations in spelling tells you where someone may be from. For example, America and the UK spell some words in a slightly different manner. Here are some examples with common differences:

UK - USA

Colour - Color

Centre - Center

Recognise - Recognize

Analyse - Analyze

Fuelled - Fueled

Licence - License

Defence - Defense

Additional Tips and Notes:

It’s also worthwhile to look into the basic sentence structure of different languages. I’ve found that it gives me a better clue as to what other languages a person may speak. Additionally, what mistakes will be common to someone who may not be entirely fluent. Absolute perfect grammar, or unnecessarily formal sentence structure (i.e. lack of contractions, “I am” vs “I’m” or “Cannot” vs “Can’t”, or lack of common grammar mistakes of native speakers, example “I am well” instead of “I’m good”) can sometimes point to a second language. It is important to remember that most of these are potential indicators. Meaning, alone, you can’t make a strong deduction with them. But when they start to pile up, then you can be a bit more certain in the accuracy of your deduction. Like clues, only one can’t really prove much. It may point in a general direction, but it needs more supporting evidence to create a probable explanation.

Nonverbal Communication

Quick Note on Body Language

Body language is an important part of nonverbal communication. However, as this is an introductory post, and there is way too much information to explain, it won’t be covered in this post.

Microexpressions:

Microexpressions are an interesting and worthwhile study. Microexpressions, put simply, are small, millisecond long facial tells that point to certain emotions. One can’t learn to control them, hence why they can be so useful. Learn not only how to read them, but interpret them, figure out why they’re having that particular emotion. There are seven universal micro expressions that all humans share, regardless of where they live and the culture they grew up in. (This research was pioneered by Dr. Paul Ekman. A popular TV series was made surrounding the topic of nonverbal body language and Dr. Ekman’s research called “Lie to Me”, which is quite interesting and a fun way to gain exposure to the topic.) The seven, along with their key traits are:

Surprise

Fear

Sadness

Anger

Happiness

Contempt

Disgust

All of these combined creates a fairly decent language profile of a person. One more time -

All of this is context driven, and you must always keep this in mind. These are clues and tips, and you must take context into account. Sweating doesn’t always mean someone is lying, and lying doesn’t always have to do with what they’re currently talking about. This will become easier to do with practice.

This, combined with a Physical Profile (the topic of last week’s post), begins to create a complete profile of someone you meet. The final section to complete your profile, the psychology of who you meet, will be posted next week.

#deduction #deductive reasoning #language #sherlock #sherlock holmes #microexpressions

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queenrhenpendragon · 5 years ago

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lard is literally crap: an essay

I’m making this post so I can direct people to it when they try to give me the exact same arguments people have been using for over a decade now which didn’t convince me then and still haven’t after I’ve replayed the game 94,987,344,297,432 times so just get over it already, you have nothing new to say, and even if you did, you really don’t know enough about the games to debate with me. If you want to worship the abusive arrogant spoiled rich white guy, that’s your business, all I’m asking is that you leave me out of it and filter your crap appropriately.

If you can do that, you can stop reading now. If you still feel compelled to shove your headcanons down my and everyone’s throat, please read on. Below you will find a list of the most common points people try to persuade me with, followed by my salty responses (and please note, you were warned about the salt). Also please note that I’m calling him lard and other such things so it doesn’t show up in searches for people who are just tryna have a good time, not trying to be mean, you’re welcome.

1. But he changed!!!!

First of all even if lard had changed to any significant degree, that would not erase the results of his abusive behavior in the past. It would in no way justify or excuse him. It would not make any of the characters he hurt, or in fact anyone at all, obligated to like him. And if he hadn’t been a bully, nobody in the fandom would care about him. His “flaws,” if condoning and perpetuating slavery and assaulting small children can be covered by such a small word, are what make him “interesting,” his fans’ words, not mine. He’s worshipped because he is abusive, and that really does not make me want to jump on the bandwagon. At all. Period.

Second of all, no, he really didn’t. Please tell me you have stricter standards for people “changing” in real life, because you’re gonna fall into a lot of bad situations, repeatedly, if you count as change a single apology with few enough words to be counted on your fingers, which is not followed by any attempt to rectify wrongs but is in fact followed by stating his goals as exactly the same as they were before and actually rolling his eyes when it’s suggested he might help fight against literal slavery. Honestly you could stop reading here if you are halfway decent, I and everyone in this world have the right to dislike characters who canonically, explicitly, consistently hold up the idea that they are inherently better than random, innocent strangers to the point that they should be allowed to OWN THEM. But as this is painfully obvious in canon and still apparently did not deter most of you, I will continue.

Up next, context. Let’s look at that.

People are always trying to bash on Dameon because a lot of his dialogue is optional and so, according to them, it doesn’t “count.” Okay, have at it then, but while you’re pointing fingers please try to remember that lard’s “apology” (quotes because it really wasn’t much of one, more on that in the next paragraph), was also completely optional. And while the conversations with Dameon affect other characters and dialogue in the game (try going to the Sun Temple before and after the manor conversation between Rhen and him, for example), nothing lard says affects anything whatsoever. If you skip it entirely absolutely nothing will go any differently. So by your own standards, it didn’t happen. Not relevant. Stop bringing it up like it’s somehow supposed to matter to me. You will get salt and scorn. Not impressed, and definitely not convinced.

Now, unlike some people, I don’t care to villainize characters by ignoring their dialogue or twisting it to my own purposes (yes, that was a pointed statement, thanks for noticing, don’t poke your eye on it). I remember that lard apologized when I write or headcanon about him. I take it into account when I want to present an opinion on him. But I also take into account that this “apology” came only after it’s discovered that, oops, that “slave” he’s been abusing, in multiple ways for over a year, was actually literally royalty. It doesn’t indicate a change in his views or behavior, he’s just taking to a princess now instead of to a slave. Big whoop. I am marvelously unimpressed if you couldn’t tell.

The other scenes people like to point at to show Lard’s “progress” are the one after the goose quest in Dirkon and the “stay back” one in the dragon’s cave. Again, both come after Rhen is a princess instead of a slave, and the Dirkon one is optional so again with the hypocrisy. Also, again with the standards of what actually constitutes change; he doesn’t actually do anything in either scene. He just talks big, and says nothing actually constructive. Rhen has been selflessly helping people for the entire game, people from every social class, people who aren’t even technically people (fairies, binis, etc etc ETC), and only one time in the entire game expresses any sort of wish that maybe she could’ve thought of herself first. It was her goose. She saved Tiny. The fairy prince gave the reward to her. And she thought of the people of Dirkon and traveled ACROSS THE OCEAN to give the goose to them. She did it. This is not lard’s good deed. It’s Rhen’s. Lard was just insensitive enough to snub her wistful “could have been” afterwards. Don’t come at me with the lard worship, I will not be sympathetic. It’s not progressive to take the woman protagonist’s accomplishments and give them to her male abuser. 100% not interested in this take, please get out of my notifs.

As for the dragon, sure, it’s progress. But it was also bossy and showed a complete lack of faith in Rhen’s abilities and intelligence, and really, it’s been years. lard should know better by then. It’s a step forward for him, considering how awful he was, but it’s not a big step. It doesn’t make him a good person to simply not do the worst thing he possibly could do one time in his whole life, toward one of the many people he victimized. Everyone would consider this line toxic and domineering if it came from Galahad, so seriously. Seriously I am so over lard getting every excuse while every other character is bashed or ignored or otherwise devalued, no I do not consider this scene significant or meaningful in any way, the end.

Now, I like lard. Or, at least, I used to before people kept trying to pummel me with his “redemption” and indiscriminately villainized and/or depreciated every other character to do it. But I like to think that he did change, eventually. I just also realize that this change has to include a heckuva lot more then some minor adjustments in his attitude towards Rhen. He abused her, physically, emotionally, socially, you name it and he probs did it, for over a year. He also abused every other slave in Ghalarah. Including small children. Let me say that again. He physically and verbally abused small children. This is not me theorizing or overreacting, we saw it on screen. In canon. Mandatory dialogue. And we see him abuse anyone who disagrees with him even after the “apology.” Some of you may have forgotten how he treats Galahad and Pirate John and Te’ijal and Mad Marge and Dameon and Elini and LITERALLY every other party member, but I didn’t. Lard has a long way to go with his behavior towards everyone and he isn’t remotely anywhere near close to being a good person by the end of the game.

Actually, as I said before, Lard’s goals at the end of the game are literally word-for-word the exact same as they were at the beginning-- teach at Shadwood, be an elitist. He doesn’t have a canon arc. Even in the absolute best possible ending for him, he is specifically left out of all references to social reformation or actual good work. He specifically rolls his eyes when it’s suggested to him he might consider helping for once. He has unlimited chances and resources to finally actually SHAPE THE HECK UP and he still. doesn’t. (And once again back to the first point, even if he had changed, it absolutely would not make anyone, especially not the people he abused, obligated to love or even like him at all.)

If people want to headcanon him into sainthood, that’s their business, but it’s not canon, it wasn’t in the game, and they don’t have more “development” backing up their claims then I do, so they can quit talking down to me like I’m delusional. I’m not the one insisting my own imaginings about a bland rich white guy are the irrefutable truth.

And yeah, sure, it’s “just fiction,” but it might be time to look at why it’s so compelling to exalt the rude, arrogant, rich bully, no matter how obvious and terrible his abuse is, no matter how little grounds there are to excuse him (and it’s almost always a him, which is another thing people might think about), and no matter who you have to put down to do it.

2. he’s rhen’s best friend

Where? Point to one instance that would indicate this. I already talked about all the usual scenes people like to use; none of them indicate any real change or warmth (see 1). Every single one of his other lines are about the quest, aka work-related. There is no closeness there. Compared to the way he treated her before (um, LITERAL ABUSE) it's an improvement, but it’s not kind or affectionate. If there wasn’t the context of how he demeaned and hurt her at every turn previously, nobody would be interested in his dialogue at all. It’s just not dynamic or meaningful. There’s nothing there besides poorly masked elitism. The fact that people think there’s something there because it used to be so much worse is kind of hugely disgusting. Please tell me you do not carry this logic forward into your real relationships.

And definitely never expect me to like an interpretation of their affiliation that relies on the fact that he literally shoved her into the dirt before to make it meaningful. Not gonna happen.

Besides all of that, almost all of lard’s suggestions were actually originally Rhen’s idea or an NPC’s idea. Again with the giving a female protagonists’s accomplishments to her abuser. Not into it, never gonna be. Also not into the implication that Rhen is too stupid to remember information she asked for. Lard is stealing credit, trying to make himself look good and stepping on anyone and everyone else to do it. Typical of him. Not impressive. Not helpful. Not meaningful. Rhen’s “good idea” is most likely her attempt to avoid conflict and move on. She doesn’t like fighting. She’s nice. And other people might be okay with ignoring her and other character’s capabilities in order to build up the pig-fat guy, but I am not and never will be.

Especially when Rhen already has much more meaningful relationships with other characters, relationships that don’t require her dialogue or accomplishments or explicitly stated feelings to be ignored or downplayed. She has fun with Peter and Jenna. Her associations with Te’ijal and Elini are warm and friendly and don’t rely on cruelty for depth. She has profound conversations with Dameon and spends time thinking about him and chooses to spend her free time with him and with him she’s safe and excited and happy. There are so many wonderful options, why would I ever even consider the person she’s forced to spend time with, who makes her frightened and angry and is never sensitive to her feelings and never contributes anything to her story, especially when I have to imagine her as less to do it? I wouldn’t. I won’t. I am never going to. Rhen is too important to me.

Also, because I’m salty and somebody had to say it, the one time Lard’s idea is actually his idea, it’s Elini who offers the “good idea.” Elini is also the only character he has anything resembling a real conversation with in the manor. Everyone else he ignores or insults, or gives a meager apology with approximately zero action backing it up. The most canon evidence of any character having an actual friendship with Lard is Elini, the character people try to make out as promiscuous and selfish when she’s actually pretty dang proper and thoughtful. Leave her alone. Stop dumping on my precious heroines to exalt the green diarrhea man.

3. But the ~chemistry~

First, can I point out how pathetic this argument looks next to the fact that we are literally talking about a slave owner with explosive anger issues? Y’all don’t even have the excuse that he was a “good” owner, as if such a thing could even exist. It’s painfully pathetic, please go away.

Second, seriously no, if you think abuse is chemistry you have problems, and seeing as if you take out the abuse you have people who only talk at work and about work (see 2), no. Heck no. It’s not there. Headcanon what you want but acknowledge that it’s crack from your own head and not something in the game and definitely not something I’m required to like or accept.

And Rhen deserves heckin better. She shouldn’t have to give some idiot stuck-up pighead five hundred thousand chances. She should never have been forced to spend time with him in the first place. She definitely shouldn’t have to spend time with him even after the quest and wait for him to shape up enough to be tolerable just so lard tenoboring can have someone pretty and “feisty” to argue and have sex with. Ew. Gross. She’s so much more than that. She’s worth so much more. She deserves to be with someone who treated her with respect the FIRST time around, and someone who will compliment her and build her up when she doubts herself, and support her in all her decisions instead of just the ones that benefit him, not an icky green goop who canonically rolls his eyes every time she enjoys something. She deserves to be adored, and to have someone look up to her because DANG is she worth looking up to. And most of all she deserves to be with someone she chooses to be with, someone whose company she actually enjoys, who improves her life. That’s what chemistry is. It’s really not that complicated.

As for the "chemistry" in the other lard ship people have been trying to push at me lately, still no. Please get it into your heads that hate-sexy is not and never will be enticing to me and I don't. heckin. ship it. I want to see Dameon safe and happy with someone who cares about him and values him, someone he can share all that tenderness in his good heart with and someone who will blush softly at his compliments and who will respond with affection, not mocking or flippancy. He's been through a lot already. His own mother (who I love but can acknowledge had her own struggles and flaws) is not affectionate to him-- canonly and fanonly which everyone would have noticed if they actually cared about any character other than lard. Dameon doesn't need more questions, more difficulty, more pain. I don’t want to see him villainized and sexualized so lard can have somebody to love to hate. Dameon deserves kindness and compassion and protection, in canon and in this fandom, and I really cannot be expected to have anything but scorn for an interpretation that doesn't acknowledge that, or anything but disgust for ships that deprive him like he's been deprived his whole existence of those basic needs.

4. Opposite attract

Yeah, to a certain extent, that’s why I ship the spunky loud impulsive warrior girl with the calm quiet measured healer boy. That’s what “opposites attract” means. It does not and should not mean one character is mean and the other stands up for themselves or other victims. It should not mean one character is a toxic cruel person while the other stays gentle and kind despite horrible circumstances. It should never be used when what you actually mean is “they fight” and ESPECIALLY not when the fights are because one character is a self-obsessed jerk. That’s not called cute and trust me, I know cute. What that’s called is normalizing and romanticizing abusive tendencies and it needs. To stop. This goes for every lard ship in the entire world. I know about “opposites attract” and that ain’t it, ya noodles.

5. Rona was abusive

Again, people need to quit trying to excuse their problematic male fave by villainizing the women in the story. For that matter quit villainizing or parodying the dark skinned characters to do it. This has happened in every single fandom I've been in and I can't pretend it's just a coincidence anymore, there's something seriously scary going on and I'm not into it. Just stop. Lard is literally crap. Even if he was abused, it wouldn’t excuse how he treated others. Plenty of abuse victims go on to not be complete buttheads who physically hurt small children and condone slavery.

Furthermore Lard was not abused, or neglected, or anything of the sort. All of Rona’s dialogue indicates that she adores lard. She calls him “my darling son” and makes sure he has good clothes for traveling before he leaves and worries if he isn’t home for dinner. If anyone inconveniences him in even the slightest way she makes them pay for it and holds the grudge forever. She spoils him. Multiple characters literally say so. This is canon. Explicitly canon. It wasn’t one of the mysteries we were left to figure out, it was put out right in front of us. If people want to think differently so they can keep worshiping their precious pig-fat, they can. But there is no evidence. This is not other people noticing something I missed. This is people making stuff up that directly contradicts what we actually see in the story-- which they are free to do, but they are not free to demand I accept their fantasies as canon or even vaguely convincing fanon. What it’s called is crack. And I don’t have to like it just because you do.

Also just a psa I’m never gonna like a headcanon (or a canon for that matter) that slings mud at a perfectly good female character in the name of giving an abusive arrogant male some angst so people can uwu over him. Unless you’re looking for salt and scorn, leave me out of it.

6. it’s *his* story

Again with giving Rhen’s accomplishments to her abuser. In her own game, too. I am not impressed or convinced in any way. I’ve already talked about how lard contributes no useful information during the entirety of the quest (see 1)-- and it’s a long quest. Besides the abuse, none of his lines affect any other character’s lines or actions, or any other aspect of the plot (see 1 again). He has no meaningful relationships (see 2), besides maybe Elini, but the people who like him ignore or forget that, so really, they can stop pretending they cared about any other character’s dialogue. Nothing lard does contributes to the plot or any other character’s development (1 and 2). If he was ditched in Veldarah literally not a single aspect of the story would change. The only reason for him to be mandatory is because Amanda correctly assumed some people (like me, definitely me) wouldn’t take him if he wasn’t, and then she couldn’t introduce the fighting dynamics with multiple party members as early. (Personally I would love to be able to take Eddie or the one sword singer student who is nice to Rhen instead, it would take out a lot of the racist undertones the game has due to lard’s presence, make for much more interesting dynamics, and would make it possible to explore the impact of what Rhen went through in a much more meaningful way that fewer people would be able to interpret as romantic or excusable. It’d also be cool to have Talia as a briefly playable character, though I suppose her fighting skills would make us too op for the spiders.)

Also, before anyone tries that “he stuck with the quest to the end” crap, so did heckin Mad Marge but nobody gives her any credit so don’t even try me. He also forced his way into the party against the protagonist’s will, and made it clear from the beginning he was in it for his own glory. And there is nothing in the entire game to indicate that ever changes, even slightly (see 1 and 2). In fact every scrap of dialogue indicates the exact opposite (1, 2, and 3). So that argument means exactly nothing to me, except that I’m annoyed I have to take him in the first place.

There are also a few lesser known examples of this type of argument where people try to praise lard or exalt his connection to Rhen for something literally every other party member also did. I have the same response to all of them. Shut up. I am bored with you. Take an interest in a character who is not a self-serving egotistical sadistic moldy toenail for once in your lives.

And speaking of that, I have literally gone through the entire game without having lard in my party even once, and it’s actually easier that way. Before graduation his spells are pretty useless and he dies all the time, so not using him means I can buy lighting scrolls and actually do some damage instead of buying cassia leaves and venison and covey balm ten thousand times. After graduation you get Elini and then Dameon and Te’ijal pretty quickly, and now instead of 50 cassia leaves you have lightning scrolls which are SUPER USEFUL in the next few areas. I’ve easily beaten Ahriman at level 63 (expert mode) using this strategy, in one try. I could probably do it at a lower level too, but I don’t use the traveling runes so it’s hard to not gain levels.

Tldr; lard is literally crap and also useless. Ditch him and his worshipers. Be free and enjoy Amanda’s awesome action-adventure female coming of age story with me, I have cookies and good fanfiction. Also pretty decent fanart, if I do say so myself. And when I’m not raging against the social brainwashing that made most of the population think being abusive and arrogant makes a character cool, I’m mostly nice.

Mostly.

#rant #salt #you are warned #i've been putting up with this for a long time and i am officially #done #if you want me to be nice don't #talk about pig-fat #just don't #antilars #like i said i don't even hate him i just hate #how people put down other characters to prop him up #and how rhen's story is taken away from her so her abuser can have the spotlight #frankly disgusting #the least people could do is not pretend it's progressive #like really #uuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh

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turnabouttoothbrush · 8 years ago

Text

Wanting To Be Loved

I’ll be honest, this is one of the funniest gotdamn fics I have ever read. I’ve referenced it before, too...

Today’s sporkers:

(We open up in the sporking theatre once again. Sporadic updates sure are fun, aren’t they?)

Hawksky: Shut up.

Silverpelt: Question for the future: Did we ever manage to upload that Valentine’s fic yesterday?

PR:��FUCKING OVERLOADED AO3 SERVERS... I SWEAR IF I EVER SEE ANOTHER ERROR 502 AS LONG AS I LIVE I’M GONNA DESTROY SOMETHING.

Silverpelt: That’s your usual behavior...

Hawksky: Eh, Valentine’s day, the day after Valentine’s day... what does it matter? Let’s just get started on this fic.

Snake noted that this mission was going badly wrong

All, pre-emptively:

as he drew close to the torture room. Otacon had been captured,

Silverpelt: How? As far as we can tell from MGS2, he usually stays pretty well away from the action.

PR: “PLOT” CONVENIENCE.

and they hadn�t been able to find evidence of the new Metal Gear anywhere. It had all been a trap to lure them out here.

Silverpelt: Of course it was.

Hawksky: Oh fuck, the �s. I forgot that AFF is a website forged in the fires of Mt. Doom specifically to piss me off.

Snake wouldn�t have minded so much if this was the first time they�d been set up, but they�d fallen into a trap before, and were blamed for the tanker incident and the ensuing environmental disaster.

PR: KAHAHAHAHA THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER THAT AND THEY STILL GOT SET UP? I SUPPOSE IT’S A GIVEN THAT THE AUTHOR DIDN’T THINK ANYTHING THROUGH, THEN.

Hawksky: And yet, it’s still better than Choke...

Silverpelt: I... wouldn’t be so sure about that, Hawksky...

Snake slunk around the corner in perfect silence. He was close to where Otacon was being held, he was sure of it. He was just hoping that Otacon wasn�t being treated too badly�

Silverpelt: With the earlier mention of a torture room, I’m not optimistic.

*^*

PR: IS THAT A LINEBREAK OR AN EMOTICON?

Otacon whimpered. �Leave me alone!� Ocelot laughed, �Why should I?�

Hawksky: *as Ocelot* We still have a whole fic to get through.

he said, �I have good things in store for you��

Silverpelt: I imagine it doesn’t stop at a syringe full of sodium pentathol.

PR: HAVEN’T YOU, LIKE, READ THIS BEFORE?

Silverpelt: I have. I do, however, recall most of my initial thoughts on it...

Otacon suddenly felt very exposed. He was naked and bound to some kind of metal table, face down.

Hawksky: QQ: Why didn’t we bring Snake and Otacon back in for this fic?

Silverpelt: I had mercy on them.

PR: HA! YOU DON’T HAVE AN OUNCE OF MERCY IN YOU.

Silverpelt: I-

Hawksky: She’s right, don’t even bother denying it.

Silverpelt: ... Fine. Logistics and accessibility issues. We don’t need another guest sporking right now.

Hawksky: Lame.

He couldn�t see a thing, and that frightened him even more. He just wanted Snake to come and rescue him before something terrible happened. �Oh, don�t worry�� Ocelot said wickedly,

PR: I CAN’T TAKE THAT ADVERB SERIOUSLY.

�You�ll enjoy this�� Otacon felt something warm being pressed up against his ass, and wanted to scream when he figured out what it was.

Hawksky: A curling iron?

Silverpelt:

It thrust against him suddenly, and he cried out as searing pain shot through his body.

Hawksky: I mean, at this point you can’t prove I’m not wrong.

Silverpelt: Please stop talking.

�NOOO!� Otacon screamed, �Get away from me!� He sobbed as Ocelot violated him. He�d always been used, abused, destroyed, and now Ocelot was taking the last piece of innocence he had left� the part he�d wanted to save for the man he�d loved all this time

Silverpelt: Okay but Otacon literally wasn’t even a virgin to begin with. He’d canonically been thoroughly deflowered years before he even met Snake.

PR: HE’S TALKING ABOUT HIS ANAL VIRGINITY, OBVIOUSLY.

Silverpelt: I refuse to believe that Julie Danziger didn’t peg him.

Hawksky: You know, Silverpelt, it really says something about you that you’ve even thought about it...

Silverpelt: ...

but had never been able to tell� Now, he had nothing left to offer anyone.

Silverpelt: Metal Gear Solid seems like the kind of series that’s ripe for pegging, anyway... most of the characters, male and female, just seem like they’d be into it...

PR: IT REALLY DOES SAY SOMETHING ABOUT YOU THAT YOU’VE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS.

Silverpelt: I really haven’t, I just take the obvious conclusions as they come to me.

Hawksky: Obvious. Right. (Pervert...)

He was glad he was blindfolded, but he wished he wasn�t awake, either. The sound of Ocelot�s moans and the feeling of him pressing hard into Otacon was making him feel sick. He was crying, sobbing, unable to control his emotions. He wanted to wake up and discover this was some kind of sick nightmare, but he knew it wasn�t, the pain was too intense, the agony in his soul was too real. He was so sore, he just wanted it to end, but it just got worse as Ocelot neared climax. He pushed into him harder and harder, and all Otacon could do was scream in agony and cry as Ocelot came inside him. Otacon wanted to be sick.

Hawksky: Hey, it’s hard to write a good rape scene! I know!

PR: CONSIDERING HOW MANY FICS ON OUR AO3 ARE TAGGED RAPE/NON-CON...

Hawksky: But it isn’t that fuckin’ hard, I mean shit, look at this. This is terrible.

Silverpelt: At least the drab whining actually establishes what’s happening as unpleasant and unwanted, as opposed to some of the other fics we’ve sporked...

Hawksky: ...true. It might not be very good at getting the horror of it across, but at least we can tell it’s actually rape and not disinterested roleplay.

�FREEZE!� came a cry from the door. Ocelot withdrew from Otacon and turned around slowly, laughing wickedly

PR: *starts giggling at the word “wickedly” being used again*

as he zipped up his trousers. Snake glowered at him with a look of sheer disgust as he felt his blood boil inside of him at the realization of what Ocelot had done to Otacon.

Hawksky: *as Snake* Dude, that the fuck.

Silverpelt: At the risk of being accused of overthinking sketchy things again, I don’t like fics where Ocelot is depicted as a rapist.

PR: OUR AO3 ACCOUNT WOULD LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU.

Silverpelt: I mean in the context of torture. He considers it an art - I seriously doubt he would rape someone during an interrogation because it’s just so lowbrow, you know? Hackwork!

Hawksky: Dude, why do you even have an opinion on this?

Silverpelt: You know why.

Hawksky: ...dammit, and you aren’t wrong, either. Interrogative rape is for amateurs.

PR: I WONDER IF THIS FIC WOULDN’T BE BETTER HANDLED BY SOMEONE OTHER THAN US THREE.

Ocelot laughed. �You missed the show, Snake,� he said, �Your little friend here was very� good. A virgin too�!�

PR: NO HE MOST CERTAINLY WAS NOT.

Hawksky: Considering it’s his butt he’s talking about, I have no idea how he’d actually be able to tell...

Snake let out a battle cry and shot Ocelot again and again, his face twisted into an expression of pure anger and hatred. However, the bullets flew past Ocelot harmlessly, because of his electromagnetic field.

PR: AND ONE OF THEM HIT OTACON, PUTTING AN EARLY END TO THIS FIC.

Hawksky: Good ending.

�Shit!� Snake exclaimed. He stopped shooting in case he hit Otacon

Silverpelt: Look, it’s learning!

and put his gun away. He lunged forward and picked Ocelot off the floor, throwing him against the wall with all his strength. He followed, picked Ocelot up again,

Hawksky: And... what is Ocelot doing? Just sitting there and taking it?

Silverpelt: ...I realize you’re trying to set one of us up for a dirty joke, but...

PR: I FOR ONE DISLIKE LOW-HANGING FRUIT.

Silverpelt: You are low-hanging fruit, PR.

pinned him to the wall and punched him again and again furiously. The blood poured from Ocelot�s nose but Snake didn�t care, he was caught in a blind rush of fury. Otacon cried out, �Snake�� he said. Snake heard him and dropped Ocelot, who was now unconscious,

PR: SO SHOOT HIM.

to the floor and rushed over to the table where Otacon lie sobbing. He cut his bonds loose and took off the blindfold. Blood poured down his legs from where Ocelot had roughly violated him. Snake wanted to shred Ocelot for what he had done,

PR: SO DO IT.

but right now, he realized he needed to get Otacon out of here.

PR: TRUE, BUT OCELOT IS PASSED THE FUCK OUT AND A WELL-ESTABLISHED THREAT. WHY AREN’T YOU KILLING HIM?

Silverpelt: *vaguely disgusted* Because killing a man while he’s down is--

PR: NOT TERRIBLY OUT-OF-CHARACTER FOR SOLID SNAKE, ESPECIALLY IN THIS SITUATION.

Silverpelt: True.

Hawksky: It’s not like he can use a “we have to get out of here, now” excuse either, considering it’d take literally two seconds to rip the electro-magic-netic bullet deflector off of him and shoot him in the forehead... of course if Ocelot dies before MGS4 then there’s a decent chance the Patriots would never have been taken down, so it’d be very bad in the long run, but eh, Snake wouldn’t know that...

Silverpelt: The point is that leaving him alive really isn’t a logical choice.

PR: NOR IS IT A CHOICE CONSISTENT WITH SNAKE’S CURRENT EMOTIONS.

Otacon barely managed to stand up, he was shaking and sobbing. Snake could do nothing but hold him, but the sobbing didn�t stop. Snake realized that they had to get out soon; there was no time for sympathy now. He lifted Otacon onto his shoulder, and ran like hell through the dark metallic halls of this death trap facility, until the air met his face again.

Hawksky: Well that was easy.

Silverpelt: If I remember correctly, Ocelot doesn’t even show up again in this fic, so leaving him alive isn’t even done for a plot reason...???

He put Otacon down, his naked form limply fell

Silverpelt: Oh, I forgot he was naked.

PR: *laughing* BECAUSE I’M SURE BEING HELD WHILE NUDE IS EXACTLY WHAT ANYONE WOULD WANT RIGHT AFTER BEING VIOLENTLY RAPED!

against the metal lining of the tunnel. He wasn�t responsive, but he was there, his eyes were open, but he didn�t speak, didn�t even look at Snake. Snake pulled out an enemy soldier�s uniform he�d been using for camouflage. �Here,� he said, �Wear this.� Otacon moved a little and looked up at Snake. Snake turned away out of respect, so the guy could at least get dressed in some kind of privacy. Even though Snake had seen everything by now, he hadn�t been looking in that way. It just wouldn�t have been right, after what Otacon had been through.

Silverpelt: That’s... a little worrying that you feel the need to specifically point that out...

Even if he did look beautiful naked�

Silverpelt: Oh.

Hawksky: Oh.

Silverpelt: He still has blood on him from being anally violated! Damn it Snake!!

Snake forced the thought out of his mind. Right now, he needed to get Otacon home. This mission was over. They walked through the rainy night together wordlessly. Snake wanted to tell Otacon how sorry he was that he didn�t get there sooner, but he knew whatever he said couldn�t take back what had happened. Otacon couldn�t even find any words to express what he was feeling. His tears mingled with the rain, pouring down his face and dripping off his chin to land in the puddles of water on the ground beneath him.

PR: YEESH, THIS IS MELODRAMATIC...

They wandered through the vast cityscape of New York like they hadn�t just been looking for a Metal Gear in the pipes below the city, but more like they were coming home from a funeral. *^* Snake opened the door and let Otacon drag in after him. He locked the door behind him so that Otacon would feel safe; he had to know that Snake would never hurt him.

Hawksky: Yeah, well, I’m sure half an hour again he knew that he’d never manage to be in such a ridiculous situation that he’d been kidnapped by Revolver Ocelot.

PR: REALLY THE FACT THAT OCELOT DIDN’T DO ANYTHING BESIDES RAPE HIM AND THEN GLOAT ABOUT IT TO SNAKE IS THE MOST IMPLAUSIBLE THING HERE. DUDE’S ALWAYS GOT, LIKE, FIFTEEN CONVOLUTED PLANS UP HIS SLEEVE IN CANON.

Otacon sat down on his bed, and gestured for Snake to come and sit next to him. Snake complied and they just sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, neither being able to say anything. Snake was the first to speak, �Otacon, I�� Don�t� Snake. Don�t apologize. It wasn�t your fault.� Otacon said. More tears flowed down his face. Snake wanted to wipe them away, but he couldn�t, it wasn�t right, he�d probably never be able to tell Otacon now, not after what had happened�

Silverpelt: Well, you’re not wrong...

Hawksky: Will Snake be able to keep his mind off his dick for any non-negligible period of time in this fic? Survey says no.

�Snake�� Otacon said, �What if I�ve� caught something?�

PR: LET’S JUST BE UP FRONT WITH THE READERS. IT’S HIV, GUYS.

Silverpelt: And the reveal is handled exactly as stupidly as you’d expect.

Hawksky: Really, we should have done a blind spork for this... on our first readthrough, we made so many AIDS jokes up until it was revealed that that was in fact what had happened.

Silverpelt: I mean, it is kind of ham-fistedly “foreshadowed”... I’d be more surprised if we didn’t predict Ocelot giving Otacon HIV.

Snake hadn�t thought of that. Of course, he didn�t know Ocelot�s history.

Hawksky: He probably caught HIV from Kaz, the slut.

God, he thought� what would he do if Otacon died? He�d always assumed FOXDIE would get him first, he�d never imagined that Otacon would� Stop being so selfish, he thought. He embraced Otacon gently.

PR: BECAUSE PHYSICAL CONTACT IS ALWAYS HIGH ON THE LIST OF WHAT PEOPLE WHO WERE RAPED 45 MINUTES AGO WOULD WANT OR TOLERATE. YES.

Silverpelt: This kinda reminds me of that one Trigun fic...

�Hal,� he said, �We�ll go and get you checked out tomorrow. Please don�t worry about it. Do you feel� okay?� �Sore,� Otacon responded, �Sore and broken.� �Go and take a shower� Maybe you�ll feel better.� Snake suggested. �Nothing could ever make me feel better,� Otacon said,

Hawksky: Okay, I realize the author is totally trying to give Otacon a realistic emotional reaction to, ya know, one of the most horrific, soul-rending things a person can go through, but I still read the delivery here as something like

that.

PR: IF SNAKE DOESN’T LOOK OUT, I THINK OTACON WILL COME DOWN WITH THE VAPORS.

and he took himself off to the bathroom. Snake lie down on the other bed. Of all the horrors on the battlefield� why did Otacon always have to be the one who suffered the most? He deserved such a good life, but all he�d ever had was torture after torture. Wolf and his sister dying, being raped by Ocelot� that wasn�t counting the things that had happened in his childhood.

Silverpelt: ...honestly, I think the fact that this was written before TPP makes that line even funnier.

Hawksky: Otacon just can’t catch a break... his life literally gets worse in every game he’s in, and some he isn’t.

It was so unfair, he thought. A long while past, and Snake began to worry. Otacon had been in the shower for a very long time now. Then the door opened, and he breathed a sigh of relief as Otacon emerged, towel wrapped around his body, looking a little more at peace than he had when he�d gone in there. But he still avoided Snake�s eyes and had his head bowed as he dried himself and slipped into the clean sheets of his bed naked.

Silverpelt: You’d think he’d want to, well, cover himself more... I mean, there are stereotyped reactions to rape for a reason. Unless you’ve got some solid characterization-related reasons for straying from them (which the author really doesn’t have), you really should stick with them...

PR: ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE AN AUTHOR WHO HAS NEVER BEEN THROUGH ANY TRAUMA PERSONALLY. IF YOU HAVE, YOU CAN BASE THE CHARACTERS’ REACTIONS OFF OF YOUR OWN EMOTIONS, BUT THAT CLEARLY ISN’T THE CASE HERE...

Snake looked over to him and whispered �Good night,� even though he knew that neither of them would sleep tonight. They lay there a while in separate beds, saying nothing, lost in their own thoughts and pains.

Hawksky: Blimey, what a self-absorbed dick Snake is being in this fic.

Snake wished there was something he could do for Otacon, he could hear him weeping into his pillow and felt so powerless. �Snake�� Otacon�s voice came through the night, �Are you awake?� �Yeah,� Snake replied, �I�m here.� �Dave� I have a request�� Otacon said, �Hold me as I sleep tonight��

Silverpelt: Seriously, that just seems... implausible.

PR: I’M KIND OF BELATEDLY REALIZING HOW MANY OF THESE �S LIKELY USED TO BE ELLIPSES. WOOF.

Snake didn�t know what to say� he wanted to hold Otacon so much, but was it right?

Silverpelt: Well, I suppose he did ask...

Would he be able to hold back his feelings?

Silverpelt: David for fuck’s sake!

Hawksky: *as Snake*

This really wasn�t the right time to be showing them, but he knew tonight Otacon needed some comfort, and he didn�t want him to suffer any more� He climbed from his bed and into Otacon�s, taking the thin shaking figure into his strong arms. Otacon and him had been friends for so long and had been through so much together that it didn�t feel strange like Snake thought it might do.

PR: *remembers “They don’t think it be like it is, but it do” and starts laughing at “it might do”*

It just felt like a natural progression. Otacon rested his head on Snake�s chest and listened to his heartbeat, he finally understood why E.E. used to like this so much; it was so soothing to feel the heart of another being close to you. He closed his eyes as the last of tonight�s tears dripped onto Snake�s chest; Snake put his hand through Otacon�s hair gently. They both closed their eyes, and drifted off into a peaceful, dreamless sleep.

Hawksky:

Silverpelt:

This is not how trauma works, dammit.

They woke early, Snake was up first, flicking through the phone book. He knew Hal should probably be doing this

PR: WHY, BECAUSE SNAKE IS ILLITERATE? OR HE CAN’T WORK A PHONE?

Hawksky: I’m sure a better fic could be all like, “They need to find a clinic with no connections to the Patriots, and Otacon’s way better at vetting things than Snake is,” but...

Silverpelt: ...this isn’t a better fic.

Hawksky: Yyyyeah.

but he�d been through enough, the sooner he got tested and found he was clear, the sooner he could get on with coming to terms with his rape, and the quicker he would stop suffering. Snake hated watching him hurt, it somehow cut through his usually ice-cold heart

Hawksky: ...did this person even play MGS1?

and stung like a thousand bullet-wounds. He found the number for a clinic and called� �Yes, I�d like to book in a Mr. Hal Emmerich for a test��

PR: NOTHING COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG

Hal mumbled, he could hear Snake talking to someone in the background and knew he wanted to stop whatever it was, but his head felt fuzzy and it was going to be a few moments before it cleared. ��and we�ll be there for 10:30. Okay, thank you, bye.� Snake said, and put the phone down. �Snake.� Hal said firmly from behind him. Snake knew what was coming, he didn�t want to go, he�d rather not know�

Silverpelt: Hey man, the only thing worse than HIV is undiagnosed HIV.

but he knew this was the only way Hal was ever going to be at peace. �Otacon�� Snake started, but was cut off by Otacon. �It�s okay, Snake. I�ll go� Thank you.� Otacon said. He got up and made his way to the bathroom. �Thank you for holding me last night,� he said, as he disappeared into the bathroom.

PR: AND HE WAS NEVER SEEN AGAIN.

They took a sample of blood from Otacon. Snake stood there feeling uncomfortable, everyone�s eyes seemed to be asking him the same question: is this your fault?

Silverpelt: Well, not to say anything, but he is the one who inexplicably didn’t kill Ocelot.

Of course it wasn�t in the way they were thinking, Snake had never had the opportunity to make love to Otacon, and probably never would, but they weren�t to know that. �Mr. Emmerich?� the nurse asked, �If you have any infections, do you know where you might have got them from? We�ll need to know so we can get them treated too.� She stared at Snake, who felt he was being really unfairly victimized.

Hawksky: *laughing* What? Don’t you have more pressing issues to be focusing on right now, dude? Like your partner’s impending AIDS diagnosis?? Or the fact that he was violently raped???

PR: *as Snake*

Otacon saw this and was not amused at all. �I was raped,� he said, �so stop staring at Dave.�

Silverpelt: Hey, don’t enable the fic’s weird focus on Snake’s feelings over yours!

Snake looked down� He didn�t have to say that, he thought. �I�m sorry, Mr. Emmerich,� the nurse apologized, �Come back tomorrow for your results.� Snake and Otacon left the clinic. �Hal,� Snake said, once they were outside, �You didn�t have to tell them you were raped, you know.� �I couldn�t stand the way they were staring at you,� he said, �like it was all your fault or something.�

Silverpelt: Seriously, it’s just weird.

Snake sighed. It is my fault, he thought. If I had just got there sooner� *^* Otacon couldn�t relax at all. He was pacing the apartment, staring out of the window, messing around on Internet games, but nothing seemed to grab his interest for long. All he could think about was if the test result would be all right or not.

PR: AFTER ALL THIS BUILDUP, I’D BE KIND OF PISSED IF IT WASN’T.

Snake couldn�t relax either. Otacon noted he�d never seen Snake smoke so much in one day before. Usually he would have told him to take it outside, but today, he just didn�t want to be alone. The night finally came, but neither of them could sleep. Otacon went and sat out on the small balcony and looked up at the moon. He didn�t even hear Snake follow him out. �Hal,� Snake said, �It�s going to be okay�� If it�s not, Dave� I don�t want to live�

Silverpelt: Okay yikes.

Hawksky: Hey, now we’re talking!! Now this is trauma!

I don�t want to get slowly sicker and sicker until I die. Ocelot would be laughing.�

Hawksky: Actually, I think Ocelot would also be dying of AIDS.

Otacon said. �Ocelot doesn�t look too ill to me,� Snake said. He walked closer to the edge of the balcony and hung onto the rail. He looked across at Otacon. The moonlight illuminated the tears falling down his cheeks, the crystal droplets falling to the streets below.

PR: OHHH BOY.

Silverpelt: *rolls eyes*

Otacon turned to face Snake. �Why, Dave? Why did this have to happen to me?� Otacon cried.

Hawksky: Because the author was deluded enough to think “rape as drama” was a good idea.

PR: AGAIN, I’D LIKE TO DIRECT YOU TO OUR AO3 ACCOUNT.

Hawksky: Hey. Those are rape as porn character pieces. Know the difference.

The question cut into Snake like a million daggers, Snake wished it had been anyone else but Otacon. Even himself, FOXDIE was going to take him at any time anyway. Why had it been gentle Otacon who had to be tortured in such a way?

Silverpelt: Yes, yes, he’s a trembling ravaged oh-so-pure broken beauty, we get it, fic.

Snake brought his hands up and caressed Otacon�s cheeks, wiping the tears from his face and staring into his deep, sorrowful eyes. Otacon liked the feeling of Snake�s rough calloused hands gently rubbing his face

Silverpelt: Also that’s like the least romantic way to describe that ever.

and he smiled lightly as Snake clasped his face and didn�t let go. Snake drew closer and closer to him and Otacon felt the blood rushing through him, the want and the desire to kiss Snake becoming ever stronger as they drew closer. Their lips gently brushed together� A bang and a screech broke the moment; Snake let go of Otacon, dived to the edge and looked over. An alley cat had knocked some metal dustbins flying, but it had been enough to spoil the moment.

PR: THAT CAT WAS OCELOT. IN SPIRIT.

Snake turned around and went back inside, not knowing what to say without apologizing, and somehow it didn�t feel right to say sorry for loving him� Otacon continued to look up at the moon. �Snake� If only I could tell you�� he whispered.

Hawksky: Tell him what? You just kissed him, I think he can guess that you have a thing for him.

Silverpelt: Ordinarily I’d guess this referred to Julie, but considering the fic already *snort* insisted that Otacon was a virgin...

The day finally came, the sun shone in through the doors of the apartment that led out onto the balcony. Snake and Otacon got up and got dressed, in casual jeans and t-shirts as usual when they weren�t on missions. Otacon didn�t eat; he said he just wanted to get it over and done with. They walked to the clinic together, despite his treatment last time;

Silverpelt: Ah, yes, his treatment of people looking at him and assuming he had sex with Otacon. Yes. So terrible. That people would assume that. Just awful.

PR: I DIDN’T KNOW PSYCHO MANTIS WAS IN THIS FIC.

Snake wasn�t going to leave Hal to face this on his own. The sat in the waiting room together nervously, not knowing what to say to one another. �Mr. Emmerich?� the nurse asked Otacon. �Come this way.� Otacon knew as soon as he entered the room that it wasn�t going to be good news by the way everyone grimly looked at him. He wanted to turn and run but he couldn�t, he needed to know so that he didn�t end up passing it on to Snake.

Silverpelt: Why are they both thinking about this

Hawksky: Huh, if the author just wanted to write a fic where Otacon had HIV and was worried about infecting Snake with it, why couldn’t they do it in a way that didn’t involve Ocelot raping him?

Snake saw the nurse�s grim face, his stomach tightened into a huge knot. He�d never felt the way he had in the past few days, never felt so many emotions. He�d always been cold, dark, cynical, but Otacon had melted the ice that covered his heart and exposed it to the world. Now, he felt everything.

Hawksky: Again I ask: Did the author play MGS1?

�Mr. Emmerich�� The nurse began, �We have some bad news�� Snake gritted his teeth. Please, no� he thought. Otacon sat with a stony look on his face but inside he was falling apart. �You have the H.I.V. virus, I�m afraid�

PR: BECAUSE WHY FUCKING WOULDN’T HE.

Silverpelt: HIV/AIDS: the ultimate drama STD.

Hawksky: *is just laughing uncontrollably*

but there are many treatment options,� she followed up. Snake closed his eyes, this couldn�t be happening� Otacon got up from his seat and rushed off, crying. Snake remembered what he had said the previous night� �If it�s not, Dave� I don�t want to live� I don�t want to get slowly sicker and sicker until I die. Ocelot would be laughing.�

Hawksky: *cups paws around mouth* OCELOT WOULD ALSO HAVE AIDS!

�HAL!� Snake cried, and rushed after him. He wasn�t going to let him do anything stupid. He ran as fast as his legs could take him, faster and more urgently than he had ever ran on any mission before. He saw Hal had gotten a head start, he knew exactly where he was heading: the George Washington Bridge. He was going to jump it�

Silverpelt:

Hawksky:

PR:

Otacon didn�t even look behind him. He didn�t want to see how close Snake was to catching up to him, he couldn�t bear to look him in the face. All his dreams were shattered� he�d never be able to make love to Snake, never be able to do so much�

Hawksky: I love how the only thing listed is “bone Solid Snake”.

He�d live his life in fear that he was going to end up passing the virus on to Snake, and he couldn�t bear that thought.

PR: AHHH, COME ON. YOU HAVE OPTIONS HERE.

He ran faster and faster, not caring if it hurt, he just knew he had to make it to that bridge before Snake did. He made it and climbed the railings, getting over the safety defenses. Snake was catching up, quickly. He looked down and hesitated, he didn�t really want to die,

Silverpelt: So don’t jump off the bloody bridge!!

but he was going to anyway, he may as well do so now, rather than make Snake go through so much more later on. He took one last look back at Snake as he was just a moment away from reaching him, and closing his eyes, and with the memory of Snake�s and his lips brushing, he jumped down to the sea below�

Silverpelt: Welp, there he goes.

Hawksky: Eh, with the way he’s characterized in this fic... nothing of value was lost.

�HAAAAL!!!!!!!!!� Snake screamed. He dived over the barrier; he was a strong swimmer, there was a chance he could rescue Hal and if he didn�t� he didn�t want to think about that. He took a giant leap and dived, as he saw Hal�s figure hit the water. Snake felt the water consume him from all sides as he plunged into its depths; he kicked his legs and gasped for air as he broke through the surface of the water. He looked around for Hal, hoping he�d regained his sense and decided to swim, but he couldn�t see him anywhere. The current was strong; it was trying to pull him under. He dived below the surface, but couldn�t see a thing. He dived back up again and almost wanted the current to drag him under� He�d failed�

Hawksky: So go back to Alaska and drink yourself to death. Good In-character ending!

Hal was gone� He let the current carry him along until he reached a dirty beach like area, which he swam towards. He coughed the water out of his lungs as he climbed up the shore. He closed his eyes and beat his fists against the sand, wishing he could see Hal again, wishing he could tell him how he felt all this time, longing to explain to him that he didn�t care, he loved him no matter what, that he was dying anyway� but now he�d never get to tell him any of these things.

Silverpelt: Otacon’s fucking dead and you’re crying about how you never got to tell him blah blah blah, cry me a river, Dave. Why can’t the author just let you be sad for losing Otacon, full stop?

PR: AUTHOR DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW EMOTIONS RELATE TO OTHER PEOPLE.

Silverpelt: I really want that to not be true.

He wanted to give in, nothing mattered, nothing at all. Metal Gear� how could he defeat it without Hal? How could he live alone without Hal�s humor, the jokes in his anime cheering them both up? How could he live without those evenings where they�d just have takeaway and leave the boxes everywhere to be cleaned up in the morning while they watched all night movies? Hal had been the light in his life, keeping him cheerful even on the battlefield by ripping off Mei Ling�s quotes or telling him off for smoking. Then there was his deep side; those warm emotions and deep thoughtful conversations that always managed to keep his brain ticking with something he never would have thought of. Even though he�d been through so much sorrow, Hal had always been so cheerful�

Hawksky: It’s a little late for actual characterization, author. We’re all still recovering from the HIV drama bomb...

but this had been too much� If only he�d got there in time and stopped this happening� Dave turned over and looked up at the bridge. He wasn�t Snake anymore� Snake was a hero�

Hawksky: Scratch MGS1, has the author played any of the games? Snake doesn’t consider himself a hero! Never has!

PR: THIS IS ACTUALLY META-FANFICTION WRITTEN BY RAIDEN.

Hawksky: Raiden’s a shit writer, then. And kinda creepy, if you frame it that way...

Snake managed to rescue the people that mattered� He�d saved Meryl, even though their relationship had never worked out. Why hadn�t he been able to protect the man he loved?

Silverpelt: Probably because Meryl didn’t catch HIV and jump off a bridge for maximum melodrama.

PR: YEAH, THAT’S MORE SOMETHING NAOMI WOULD DO.

He looked across the urban beachscape, the gray sand blended with oil and litter stank. This was the face of the earth. He�d pretended to be a hero, fighting for what he believed in, but it was all a joke. He was just prolonging the inevitable, and he�d dragged Hal into his game too, his little fantasy, and look what had happened� He sat up� It was all over now. He hoped FOXDIE would come and claim him soon, he wouldn�t be sad to leave this world.

Hawksky: Snake needs to chill.

He�d never believed in a God or a heaven, but the thought of seeing Hal again somewhere was comforting. Looking across the beach, he felt that he was at the end of the world. Everything went on around him, but here, everything was still as could be. The waves of the river gently splashed against the gray sand. Then, something caught his eye. A dark� figure? Snake dived to his feet; all the while thinking that there was no way it could be Hal, until he reached the figure�s side. It was Hal.

All: Of course it was.

Snake shook him� �Hal!� he cried, �Hal.� He kneeled over him and pressed his cheek close to his mouth. The warmth of his breath made Snake�s heart miss a beat. He was alive! He coughed, and moved his head to the side, where he coughed out river water as he came to. �Snake�� he said, �Snake?� He fumbled around for his glasses, but he�d lost them in the river. �I�m here,� Snake said, �I�m right here with you�� He caressed Hal�s face, he was so overjoyed to see him alive again, hear him speak again. He leaned in close and kissed Hal passionately,

Silverpelt: And then Otacon threw up in his mouth because he’d literally almost drowned thirty seconds ago...

nothing on Earth was going to keep them apart any more. Hal broke off the kiss. �Dave, don�t� I�m gonna die��

Silverpelt: Also, with the medication we have nowadays...? An HIV diagnosis is pretty much on-par with a diabetes diagnosis. Yeah, you’ll be on medication for the rest of your life, but with said medication, it’ll take so long for it to develop into actual AIDS (assuming it ever does - remember, it’s AIDS that kills, not HIV) that your lifespan really isn’t shortened any.

PR: WAS THAT THE CASE WHEN THIS FIC WAS PUBLISHED, THOUGH?

Silverpelt: This fic was published in 2010.

PR: OKAY, YEAH, THE AUTHOR HAS NO EXCUSE.

Hawksky: ...people were still posting on AFF in 2010?

�I don�t care,� Snake said, �I�m going to be with you� until the end. You�re not the only one living on a death sentence.�

Silverpelt: Meanwhile, there’s no medication for FOXDIE.

PR: AND ALSO AFTER A CERTAIN POINT FOXDIE MUTATES INTO A CLOUD OF HEART ATTACKS FOR EVERYONE. BECAUSE MGS4 WAS A RATHER STRANGE GAME.

Hal moved his head up and captured Snake�s lips again, continuing the kiss. They rolled around on the beach just kissing and rubbing each other, moaning into each other�s kisses as they shared some of the passion and love that they�d kept hidden inside for so long.

Hawksky: A dirty, smelly beach in Manhattan? Really? That’s the best they can do for their ~first time uwu~?

Snake held Hal again that night, keeping him cradled in his warm arms. �I wish that I could make love to you�� Hal said,

Hawksky: Or they just made out, I suppose.

Silverpelt: Still, no class...

�Life�s so cruel�� Snake wanted him too. �Hal, just do it� I don�t care, I�m dying anyway�� No!� Hal said, �There�s a chance you�ll live a full life. There�s no way I�m going to let you die!�

Silverpelt: *opens mouth, closes it again, sighs*

PR: JUST USE A GADDAMN CONDOM YOU OVERDRAMATIC FUCKS.

He cuddled up closer into Snake�s arms. �Snake�� he said, �Why did you jump too? You could have died�� I didn�t care�� Snake responded, �I couldn�t let you die.� Warm tears fell from Otacon�s eyes once again,

Silverpelt: He cries so much...

Hawksky: What is this, the Guns of the Patriots novelization?

dripping onto Snake�s chest. Snake had put his life on the line, not caring what happened�

PR: THAT’S KIND OF HIS MO, YEAH.

to save him� Even though he was dying anyway.

Silverpelt: Bleedin’ hell, it’s HIV, not a fucking bomb in your liver!!!

Now, he was in the arms of the man he loved� and the rape, it seemed a million miles away.

Hawksky: Honestly, I’d pretty much forgotten about that.

Silverpelt: That’s fair. There was so much drama being thrown around about HIV that Otacon stopped acting like he was supposed to be traumatized.

Snake held him even tighter� �Don�t cry�� he said, not really knowing what to say. He was new to this emotion thing, and it still made him uncomfortable when Hal got all emotional on him. *^* Otacon was awoken by the sound of the phone ringing. He leaned out to answer it. �Emmerich residence,� he said, still half asleep, �Can I help you?�

PR: YOU CAN HELP BY ENDING THE STUPID FIC ALREADY.

�Yes, this is the clinic� We need you to come in as soon as possible� There seems to have been some error� Our records were hacked by somebody, we need to retest you.�

Silverpelt: Ah yes. My favorite part of the fic.

Hawksky: The part where the author is too much of a coward to actually give Otacon HIV.

Silverpelt: Aye.

Hawksky: Shame.

Silverpelt: Aye.

�I�ll be right in,� said Otacon, with renewed hope. Otacon immediately woke Snake and told him. �Hacked?� Snake said, �Did the Patriots want you to believe you were going to die?�

PR: NAH. *as the Patriots*

youtube

�Probably�� Otacon said, �It makes sense. I think I�m going to die, I stop being part of Philanthropy, we stop trashing Metal Gears, Patriots do what they want.�

Hawksky: Considering clinics usually collect your address for billing reasons, you’d think the Patriots would just use that to find the surely well-hidden-prior-to-this-by-way-of-offscreen-competence apartment and just kill them.

Silverpelt: No, because that would make sense.

�It doesn�t mean for sure that�� Snake started. �I know, I may not be clear, but� We�ll just have to find out.� Otacon said, and they left for the clinic.

Silverpelt: Where’s Ocelot when you need him?

PR: NOT DEAD, THAT’S FOR SURE.

Hawksky: Having his wicked way with Liquid in a different, better fic, if our AO3 links have been any indication.

Hal waited for the results this time, he didn�t want to go back to the apartment and wait agonizingly.

Hawksky: Didn’t it take about 24 for the results to come back last time?

PR: OBVIOUSLY THEY JUST SLEPT THERE.

Hawksky: I don’t think doctors like people camping in their waiting rooms.

They�d taken several blood samples from him to double-check. He nearly dived on the doctors when they came back with the results. �You�re all clear,� they announced.

Hawksky: Because the author’s a fucking coward!!!!!!

Hal dived on Snake and kissed him passionately, Snake kissed back, not caring that they were in public, just wanting to express the joy and happiness he was feeling. Everyone stared at them. Snake broke the kiss, �Have you never seen a gay person before?� he yelled at the onlookers.

All: *start laughing again*

Hawksky: Damn it, I really want to hear David Hayter voice act this fic. Or just this one line.

PR: TOO BAD HE IGNORED US ON TWITTER... NOT THAT WE WERE EXPECTING ANYTHING...

Hal giggled, and Snake turned back to him to resume their passionate kiss. The onlookers embarrassedly walked away, and Snake and Hal walked back to their apartment, the happiest two men in the world. *^* Night came; the air was tense between them, like a storm was brewing. They knew what they wanted, but neither dare broach the subject.

Hawksky:

They got into bed, and Snake felt his want overflowing, burning inside like an unquenchable fire. Hal too, wanted to do everything to Snake, his hands roaming all over Dave as he felt himself grow hard. They rolled over and over, kissing each other in the hot sweaty night as the intensity between them built up more and more. Hal pressed his hardness against Snake�s to let him know he wanted him so much. They both moaned as they felt their most private parts

Silverpelt: If you use the words “private parts” in a sex scene, I don’t care how old you are, you’re not old enough to be writing sex scenes.

touching and rubbing against each other. They got to a point where they were close to having sex, but Snake was hesitant, and they stopped. �Dave,� Otacon said, �I have a request�� What is it?� Dave asked. He wanted to make love to Otacon but didn�t want to bring those memories back to him, didn�t want to spoil their lovemaking by bringing back such awful thoughts.

Silverpelt: ...did it not occur to him- no, did it not occur to the author that it wouldn’t be the actual moment of penetration that would cause flashbacks? If being in a sexual situation was going to (to use the word as it’s supposed to be used) trigger Otacon, it would have already happened, because he’s already in a sexual situation.

Hawksky: Also, considering it’s been, like, literally two days since he got raped, there’s basically no way that he wouldn’t be triggered by this. Not unless something’s fucky with his brain already.

�Make love to me�� Otacon pleaded, �Every time I�ve had sex� it�s always been because someone took advantage of me or raped me� My stepmother�

PR: YOU KNOW, JUDGING BY THE WAY OTACON DESCRIBES HIS STEP-MOMMY-FUCKIN’ IN MGS2, IT SEEMS THAT HE ACTUALLY CONSIDERED THEIR SEX CONSENSUAL, EVEN AS AN ADULT. HE CALLS IT “A RELATIONSHIP”, AFTER ALL, AND SAID “SHE SEDUCED ME”, BOTH OF WHICH IMPLY CONSENT AND MORE OR LESS EQUAL FOOTING. HE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING LIKE “SHE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME” OR “I WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED.”

Silverpelt: Yeah. He clearly regrets it, and it’s possible that after the events of MGS2 he comes around to the idea that it was in fact sexual abuse and he can’t be held responsible for either the relationship or Huey’s death, but this fic takes place between the tanker chapter and the Sons of Liberty incident.

Hawksky: I still don’t think the author’s actually played MGS2.

Snake felt honored to have Hal say something like that to him, �Hal,� he said, �Hal, you make me feel so special�

Hawksky: ...hahahahahahahaha!! What the fuck! That’s such a stupid line.

PR: IT’S SPECIAL ALRIGHT...

Silverpelt: ...wait a minute. Snake wouldn’t have known about Julie by this point - he has no reaction to it? He has no reaction to his lover just randomly dropping that he slept with his own stepmother??

Hawksky: Apparently.

Silverpelt: Ye gods...

Are you sure� you�re ready?� �Yes,� Otacon confirmed, �I�ve never been so sure of anything in my entire life.� Snake reached to his drawer where he kept lubricant

Silverpelt: Of course he just has it lying around.

Hawksky: Honestly, I’m just impressed there’s lube at all.

and brought out a small tube. �Snake, why do you have that?� Otacon asked. �So I don�t hurt you�� he said. �I meant� why do you have it?� Otacon laughed. �Ah�� Snake blushed, �Well, I do like to indulge in a little� self pleasure� sometimes�

PR: I THINK OTACON KNOWS...

and this helps�� Otacon giggled at Snake�s confession, but then the atmosphere changed back to that of electricity and intensity. Snake gently turned Hal over onto his back and inserted a finger covered in lubricant into his ass. He wasn�t going to hurt him like Ocelot had done. He put that thought out of his mind; it still made him so angry.

Silverpelt: It makes me angry, too, but mostly because it was so pointless and badly handled.

Hawksky: Same thing with the AIDS. Both of them should have been cut out. Oh, will you look at that! That’s the entire fic!

Hal moaned at Snake�s finger testing him� �More�� he cried. Snake hurried a little, feeling Hal�s urgency. He put two fingers in and felt Hal shudder in pleasure below him as he moaned louder; he was ready. Snake covered his cock in lubricant and gently pushed at Hal�s entrance. Hal moaned as he felt Snake sliding into him, Snake moaned too as he felt himself being wrapped in warm delight.

PR: THAT PHRASE JUST MAKES ME THINK SOMEONE MICROWAVED A TURKISH DELIGHT. ...I WONDER IF THAT WOULD BE GOOD...

He moved a little once he was sure Hal was accustomed to him being inside him. Hal arched his back and Snake reached below him and grasped his hardness in his hand, gently stroking it in time with his motions. They lie there moaning, in pure heaven for what seemed like a beautiful eternity, but Snake knew it was soon going to end as he felt himself nearing climax. By the sound of Hal�s moans, he realized he was going to release soon, too. He moved faster and stroked him harder until Hal was crying out in pure ecstasy. Snake came first, he couldn�t help it, the sound of Hal�s pleasured moans drove him over the edge and he released his seed into Hal�s ass. This drove Hal over the edge and he came into Snake�s hand, covering it in his warm, sticky seed.

Silverpelt: “Seed”? Really?

PR: TURNS OUT PSYCHO MANTIS WAS THE NARRATOR THIS WHOLE TIME.

They collapsed on top of each other, Snake gently withdrew from Hal and when he turned over and could see, he licked Hal�s seed off his hand until it was all gone. Hal smiled and looked up at Snake with loving eyes. Snake wrapped his arm around Otacon and they lie there for a while, getting their breath back, Otacon listening to the sound of Snake�s excited heart beating wildly as he lay his head on his chest. �Dave,� he said, �I love you so much� Thank you��

Hawksky: To quote one of our own fics: “Was thanking people after sex a normal thing, or just something people did in his terrible romance novels…?”

�I love you too,� Snake said, words he realized he�d never said before to anybody. After all they�d been through together, he knew it was only natural. They slept in each other�s arms, Hal looking finally peaceful as the sun came up over the horizon. The memory of what Ocelot had done to him would never go away, but at least Hal had learned that he could love, and be loved back.

PR: THE END~ WASN’T THAT SWEET?

Hawksky: That was stupid.

PR: OH YEAH!

Silverpelt: This author couldn’t plot their way out of a wet paper bag, and Hawksky’s right - I really don’t think they played the games. Or at least, I don’t think they understood them. Both Snake and Otacon’s characters are... off.

Hawksky: I just think it’s hilarious that Snake left Ocelot alive for no good reason, but while usually when stupid shit like that happens it’s because the author’s ineptly setting up for a future plot point, this author literally didn’t even bother putting Ocelot in the fic again.

PR: CHOKE WAS BETTER WRITTEN THAN THIS.

Silverpelt: Come to think of it, Choke also had the “why didn’t you kill Ocelot when you had the chance?!” problem...

Hawksky: *waves paw dismissively* Even the premise of this fic is dumb. Why would Ocelot rape Otacon? How did he even get the opportunity? We ask these things and the author just tells us, “Fuck you, I don’t gotta explain shit, enjoy your porn.”

PR: IT WASN’T EVEN GOOD PORN.

Silverpelt: So, in conclusion, it wasn’t even a good fic.

Hawksky: The fact that all the pointless drama ended up being l i t e r a l l y pointless when it turned out that Otacon didn’t actually have HIV is just the icing on the cake, eh?

Silverpelt: *shakes head* Well, we’re done with it, now.

PR: GOOD RIDDANCE.

(And the MST draws to a close. No promises about the next update. Chances of it being another Metal Gear fic: >75%.)

#sporking #metal gear solid #hawksky #pr #silverpelt #rape warning

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