#I do think some parts could’ve matched better but also I did this at like. 3 am. so.

[bruhnze]

The promise of a ring? - Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Writing for asks about a ring-fic like this one and this one.

Summary: Ona thinks her life with Lucy is perfect and wants to grow old together.

Warnings: SMUT, minors dni. A teeny tiny bit of angst. They are in love, in love, so headsup for sappy behavior. A bit of degrading, so don't read this if that's not your cup of tea. deffo dont read the second half if you're not into smut xx

Wordcount: 8k

I got a bit carried away while writing this lol.

Side note for fun: i recommend keeping Ona's english/spanish accent in mind when reading her parts because i had just watched old man united interviews from her when i wrote this and i think she had a cute accent then (still, but her english got better).

not really proofread :)

The promise of a ring?

It was February, the month Lucy and Ona would be celebrating their one year anniversary. This time last year Lucy had asked Ona to be her partner and Ona had been nothing but happy ever since. After having a little crush on the English woman for a big part of her life, but never having thought about it much further then that, it had been a pleasant surprise when she’d been hit on by Lucy at a wedding she attended. Ofcourse, she had tried to look her very best that night, knowing that the taller defender would be there, but she hadn’t seriously considered that she could’ve ended up in her bed. But after a long night of subtle flirting and flirtatious dances, she had. The sex had been so good that Lucy and her stayed connected and had a couple dozen more encounters like that after the infamous wedding night.

Over time Ona was surprised to see Lucy fall in love with her just as much as she did with the English woman and the booty calls changed in to just hanging out together, changed in to dates and eventually Lucy had proposed the idea of dating. Combined with the fact she was moving back to Barcelona soon, Ona had been over the moon.

She enjoyed playing with Lucy for the club she loved, she loved living with Lucy and their two dogs and nothing in her live could be better. Lucy put in so much effort to learn her languages, get on with her friends and family and even helped her out with football, analyzing games together.

Ona felt the luckiest woman alive with the way Lucy would tell her again and again how beautiful she was and never stopped reminding her about just how much she loved the Catalan woman, even saying that her vague dream of living in Barcelona after her retirement became clearer and clearer every day she woke up next to Ona.

All of these things and many more combined had driven Ona to this idea. During one of the moments when they had time for a date and were strolling through Barcelona, ​​Ona had pulled Lucy into a nice antique shop.

She pretended that it was completely out of the blue and that she just thought it was a nice shop but secretly she had a hidden agenda. It was a shop that also sold jewelry and Ona was curious about Lucy's taste in rings.

They had casually looked at everything and by chance Lucy had pointed out the 'chunky' gold rings that she also liked as nice jewelry.

Ona had said that she liked them too and Lucy had suggested to buy them ''we can match, look there are two''.

She had pretended to think about it and then had waved it off as something they needed to think about and maybe they could do some time in the future.

Lucy hadn't noticed, Ona could make Lucy believe anything. With her big twinkling eyes and a simple touch, the Catalan could make her forget everything.

After looking at more shops, such as a candle shop, where they bought a big, lovely smelling candle, they walked a bit through the city before finding a quiet restaurant for dinner.

''Next week is our official one year of dating, did you know that babe'' Lucy said between her bites.

Ona laughed, so she wasn't the only one who was thinking about that ''mhm, ofcourse, I already have my present''.

One of Lucy's eyebrows flew up ''presents? I didn't know we were going to do that''.

The shorter woman was a little disappointed but she didn't really care, Lucy gave her presents often enough ''just being in a relationship with you is already a present Luce, you don't have to give anything, I just happened to come across something, that's why I’ve got something'' Ona said reassuringly.

Lucy grinned ''you're so cute, I was teasing you a little, of course I have something, well, I'm working on it''.

''I'm curious'' Ona said biting her lip ''but let's stop talking about this topic because it was hard enough keeping it a secret''.

''great idea'' Lucy agreed, because I’m sure I’ll tell you everything if you’d ask me ‘’but I did want to talk about what you wanted to do, because our schedule is a bit tight I thought we could celebrate a day earlier and go to that one nice restaurant with the waiter that slipped as a date?’’.

"I find it so funny that you keep calling it that, but yes, I would like to, but you have to make a reservation, right?" Ona chuckled.

‘’Already done’’ Lucy said confidently, "reserved three months ago, when our schedule was known, figured that day would be the best one as the day after our real anniversary we have to get up really early".

‘’Ah and you are planning to make it late?’’ Ona asked teasingly.

"Well, when you go out to eat it often gets late," Lucy said nonchalantly.

The Catalan blushed and rolled her eyes at the way how Lucy got her to say things like that and then acted like she was the one insinuating something.

She could already see Lucy's smug grin and hated herself for falling for it again and again. How it often went was that Lucy would deny that she meant anything by the first ambiguous statement, then she would ask what Ona meant by what she had said, and Ona would be left floundering and blushing.

Just like now: ‘’what were you thinking about then bonita?’’.

But Ona recovered herself and cleared her throat, not willing to give in ''oh, I just thought about if we were just going out for dinner or if you were thinking about having like a long dinner and drinks after that, because I'm all for eating and then going home, given our busy schedule of course''.

Lucy narrowed her eyes suspiciously ‘’mkay, and yeah just dinner and then head back home, just thought dinner there would be cute for our one year celebration and because you like their food a lot’’.

Ona nodded eagerly ‘’yeah I love it, I love that you made a reservation for us there’’.

…

The next day they had a whole day working at the club, when it was time to eat lunch with everyone Ona slipped away and drove her car to the antique shop, hoping the rings would still be there, but she was quite sure they’d be, as she had kept her eye on them for a while now.

Just as she parked her phone rang, and she saw it was Lucy and was shocked, only now realizing that of course she would be looking for her at lunch.

She denied the call and quickly texted her that she would be there soon, as she was talking to someone in the physio building.

Lucy replied that she just came from that building and hadn’t seen her, but agreed to see her in the dining hall soon.

Ona basically sprinted to the store.

‘’hi I’d like to buy the two golden rings from that display case’’ she said when she’d found the worker, when the old man had gotten them out of the glass cabinet Ona had told their sizes.

she found out that the rings were both exactly Lucy's size and therefore just a little too big for her, the man asked which one he could adjust for her, after thinking for a moment she wanted to keep the ring with the waves for Lucy, since her name means 'wave' in Catalan that would be a nice memorial, so the other one was for her.

''I can do it now, it will take about an hour'' the man said.

''uhm I have to go, but can I maybe pick them up tonight?'' Ona asked while she paid.

''I don't have the shop open in the evening'' the man said kindly ''but I live upstairs, so if you ring the bell I will make an exception for you''.

''thank you sir, that is very kind of you'' Ona said happily when she accepted the receipt and discussed the time she would be there that evening.

Just as she sat back in the car and had put the receipt in her wallet she got called again, the old man and her had chatted for a second longer before she had finally gotten back outside, without thinking it through she accepted the call.

‘’I don’t understand where you are’’ Lucy sighed in to her phone ‘’which room did you say you were?’’.

‘’o-oh h-hi Luce, I’m- I hadn’t said which room, I only said the physio building’��� Ona said uncertain as she quickly drove off.

‘’what am I hearing? are you in a car?’’ Lucy asked surprised, ‘’I wanted to look for you, to get lunch together, but I can’t find you’’.

Ona groaned ‘’I told you to just wait in the dining hall’’.

‘’What is going on, did you leave the training ground? Is this why you didn’t want to take that ice bath with me earlier?’’.

‘’Luce, don’t ask me questions, we have an hour to lunch, go eat, I’ll join you soon’’ Ona said as someone honked behind her to tell her that the light was green already.

‘’mierda’’ Ona muttered as traffic had the effect of annoying her badly.

‘’mkay’’ Lucy said suspicious ‘’I’ll get an explanation when I see you, drive safe’’.

‘’love you’’ Ona mumbled.

‘’I love you too chica loco’’.

Ona parked in the same spot where she had left the car that morning and was surprised to see Lucy standing in front of her. As she got out of the car she looked in to the surprised eyes of her English girlfriend ‘’uhhhmmm, I wanted to clear my head’’ Ona offered.

‘’oh’’ Lucy said surprised and she frowned ‘’Are you allright? What was on your mind then?’’.

Ona smiled ‘’yeah I’m good, really’’ she chuckled as she hugged Lucy ‘’let’s get some food quickly’’.

‘’You’re acting a bit weird, you sure you’re okay?’’ Lucy asked carefully as they broke their hug and started walking back to the dining hall.

Their return together apparently motivated everyone to joke about how Lucy and Ona must have already provided another lunch and something about broom closets, but Lucy couldn't really laugh about it. She was worried that Ona had wanted to clear her head by going for a drive while she didn't even know Ona was worried about anything, she thought their lives were going perfectly.

The pair was back at home, they had taken a nap, cooked dinner and were now eating dinner.

‘’I am going to walk the dogs after dinner’’ Ona said as she dished up some more food for herself.

 ‘’ofcourse, when I have done the dishes we can go’’. Lucy said as she nodded.

Ona chuckled ‘’no Luce, I’m going on my own’’.

Lucy stopped chewing and looked up to search Ona’s face ‘’but we always go together?’’ she quietly said.

‘’I know, but I wanted to do it alone tonight’’ Ona said smiling ‘’when I’m back we can hangout again’’.

‘’do you need more alone time? Or is something else wrong?’’ Lucy asked concerned.

Only now did it dawn on Ona that this must have seemed strange to Lucy, she didn't want her to think that something was wrong. ''No no no Luce, it is really nothing, don't read in to it, I promise, I love that we can do everything together and that we live together''.

‘’Would you tell me if there’s something wrong?’’.

‘’Yes Luce’’ Ona smiled as she took Lucy’s hand ‘’ofcourse, and I will tell you what this afternoon was about too one day okay, and I promise you will laugh about it, because I already am’’.

‘’you’re speaking in riddles’’ Lucy groaned.

‘’I know, just be patient mkay?’’ Ona said cheeky ‘’but I assure you there is nothing wrong with me’’.

Lucy smiled ‘’so you weren’t avoiding me?’’.

‘’huh’’ Ona tilted her head ‘’not at all, I would never avoid you, as a matter of fact, I missed you today’’.

‘’I missed you too’’ ‘’are you sure you need to walk alone?’’ Lucy asked quietly with a sheepish grin ‘’I can just keep quiet?’’.

Ona laughed ‘’I am sure babe’’, ‘’I’ll go walking alone and if you cleaned it up here when I got back I’ll give you a reward, how does that sound?’’.

‘’Is it about the messy apartment?’’

The Catalan rolled her eyes ‘’nahh Luce and stop guessing cause you won’t get it, now do you want some kisses tonight or not?’’.

‘’would I not get them if I don’t clean?’’ Lucy challenged playfully.

‘’ugh’’ Ona rolled her eyes ‘’you would because I wanted to anyways, but I’d give them with more pleasure if you’d tidied up our house’’.

‘’How about more then just kisses, I mean with inflation cleaning costs have gone up big time’’ Lucy said as she shrugged.

‘’we’ll see how well you cleaned up’’ Ona decided with a grin.

‘’Blackmailing me to clean for sex’’ Lucy groaned ‘’genius, I should’ve thought about this myself’’.

‘’nuh-uh, I claimed this tactic, you cannot use it, I have copyrights on it actually’’ Ona chuckled as she took her plate and cutlery to put in the dishwasher.

Lucy followed her with her own dishes and the glasses ‘’we’ll see’’ she whispered as she passed Ona.

It was a pretty long walk to the store but all had worked out as planned and Ona snuck back in the apartment and saw the hall was pretty tidy, all the shoes were put in the closet instead of scattered around the floor like before.

As she heard Lucy come walking to her she quickly put the present in one of the shoes in the shoe closet and bowed to untie her shoes as she happily said ´´wow very clean´´.

´´Well you gave me plenty time´´ Lucy said as she unleashed the dogs and put them away.

The dogs waddled to the living room as Ona put her shoes away and stepped closer to Lucy ´´Now i´m all yours´´.

´´hmm´´ Lucy said as she pressed herself against Ona ‘’until she wonders of again’’.

Ona chuckled ‘’but I will always vuelve a ti, always’’ (come back to you).

Lucy buried her head in Ona’s neck and took in her scent ‘’I love the sound of that, and I’ll always be here for you to come to’’.

‘’always?’’. Ona asked happily.

Lucy held herself back from Ona ​​so she could look at her, "always," she said determinedly.

It was thursday that following week, after a day of working they'd gone home and walked the dogs. This morning Lucy had made Ona breakfast in bed, but for more than that hadn't been time.

Now they were stood infront of the closet together.

"What are you wearing?" Ona asked.

Lucy rumaged through the closet "hm, think this white blouse".

Ona looked through her options aswell and opted for something cute that went well with Lucy's outfit, casual but dressed up.

"You look so pretty" lucy said from her place sitting on the bed, as she was putting her jeans on.

Ona chuckled "i am naked".

"Mhmm" Lucy hummed, beckoning "my favourite outfit of yours".

"Shut up" Ona said laughing, "black or red?".

"None".

Ona grinned "hm, maybe I'll put on my granny underwear".

Lucy rolled her eyes "okay then, eventhough in my opinion you pull everything off equally beautiful i'll choose red this time".

"Hm, im surprised you didn't choose the granny ones".

"Ohhh" Lucy acted stupid "Do you not have those in red, might have to go with black then".

As she was chuckling Ona pulled some little set of red lingerie out of her underwear drawer and put it on.

She always felt comfortable in her body, sunbathing topless, skinny dipping, etcetera, but in her own home she felt the best, and Lucy, her girlfriend, always made her feel great sure sometimes Lucy would come on to her, touch her or make some insinuating jokes, but it was alway lighthearted or when it was not, and it was a bit more intens, it always came in a moment Ona was up for it. She didnt know how Lucy did it, maybe it was the way her eyes always had love in them next to the hunger and lust, or the way she was so tactfull, but Ona never felt objectified. But she knew how to really awaken that hunger in Lucy's eyes, was to wear a nice set of lingerie that bearly covered anything. Lucy had once told her that it reminded her of a bow around a present, that if Ona put it on, she'd have done it with the thought of Lucy 'unwrapping' her later. So Ona thought, it only made sense to wear a nice pair on a special day like this.

Lucy was now completely dressed and still sat on the edge of the bed, Ona walked to the stack of clothes she'd put next to her and smiled when she saw Lucy's eyes roaming her body.

"You like it?".

Lucy nodded and looked back up to Ona "you're so unbelievebly beautiful Ona, i cant believe i get to be your girlfriend".

Ona chuckled as she grabbed her pants to put on.

Lucy sight "i don't think i want to go to dinner anymore".

"I think you should come, because i don't want to eat alone, and what if someone hits on me" Ona joked.

"Ew" lucy narrowed her eyes "i meant that we'd both be staying at home" she grabbed Ona closer to her with two hands and kissed her stomach.

Ona leaned over Lucy to grab her top as she was laughing "No i have to give you my present over dinner''.

The English woman pushed her girlfriend aside as she suddenly remembered her own present and shot up ''i almost forgot!''.

Ona staid in the room as she finished dressing up and when she went te the bathroom to apply some make-up, the older woman came bursting back in to the room ''i wanted to give you it before dinner''.

The Catalan looked in to the mirror to see Lucy approaching her behind her and chuckled as she saw her carrying a bouquet of flowers and a kind of notebook, ''huh, how did you get flowers i didn't even see you get those?''.

''Got them yesterday'' Lucy smirked ''hid them somewhere, i'm glad they're still alive tho, i actually wanted to give them to you this morning''.

Ona turned around ´´they´re pretty, and what´s that´´, she asked pointing at the booklet.

´´Okay so imagine your back at this morning, i made you breakfast in bed and then i handed you this´´ Lucy said while handing Ona the present and laying the bouquet next to the sink ´´go on, flip through it´´, Lucy encouraged.

The Catalan looked amazed at the cover, it was a picture of them both on a holiday, a day she remembered all to well, they had had so much fun spending those off-days together after the worldcup.

She opened it and saw every page with a different photo and a different writting text ''did you make this?''. she asked Lucy amazed.

''I know it's a bit corny but, yeah''. Lucy said quietly as she suddenly got a bit insecure.

In the booklet Lucy had put some of her favourite pictures from some of her favourite memories together and with every pictures she had written a little joke, something she remembered from that day or why she loved that picture.

At the end, the last page, Ona stopped, she didn't see a picture on this page, the whole page was scribbled full with text and it was signed -

from: Lucy, for: Ona, the love of my life.

Ona's eyes quickly scanned the pages and to her surprise it was all written in Catalan, which made it easy for her to read fast. Her eyes watered as she read the loving words and promises in her mothertongue.

When she read ''I quan arribi l'instant perfecte, et suplicaré que em facis el més afortunat del món'' (and when the time is right i will ask you to make me the luckiest) a tear rolled down her cheek ''Luce, it's so beautiful''.

Lucy cupped her face ''i don't know if i got it all translated right but i have the English version for you aswell if y-

''-It's perfect, it's like a Catalan poet wrote it'' Ona smiled ''i didn't know i could fall in love with you more''.

The English woman smiled ''glad you like it, i'm curious about yours now''.

''Oh yes, i'll give it to you right now, how long do we have before we need to go?''.

Lucy looked at her watch ''about 20 minutes, why?''. ''you can still give it to me over dinner, i just- , we can't have a booklet with a kiss photo of us out in public and the flowers were a practical matter''.

''Oh'' Ona said mischievious ''I hadn't planned on giving you my present over dinner either'' she thought to herself and said ''i can't offer you a ring in public'' while shaking her head and chuckling.

''A ring? did you just give away your present?'' Lucy chuckled as Ona walked around her to leave the bathroom.

''Huh oh! see i'm so bad at keeping secrets, but i guess it's more like a promise'' Ona said while she groaned at herself internally, she had prepared a whole speech, just as romantic as Lucy, not just -here a ring-.

''The promise of a ring?'' Lucy asked confused.

Ona chuckled ''i would say a ring with a promise''. ''i'll be right back''.

She came back with a folded up note, and the leather pouch that the man had put the rings in. She was a little nervous and Lucy noticed ''you're trembling Ona, it's just me remember''. she said as she guided them back to the bedroom ''let's sit on the bed bub''.

''mhm'' Ona nodded ''can i sit on your lap?''.

''Ofcourse'' Lucy smiled ''you don't even have to ask, you know that right''.

''I know'' said as she took place on her lover and leaned her head to Lucy's shoulder ''i'm a little nervous, but it's pretty similar to what you wrote so i don't know why i am''. ''i'll just read it off my note, bé?''.

''Sí, continuar querida'' Lucy said while running her hand suiting along Ona's back ''it will be perfect''.

Ona looked up and smiled at Lucy ''i just realise i wrote it for you in English, you wrote Catalan for me'' she said and kissed Lucy.

After that Ona read her note out loud and showed the rings, she also told how she had chosen the waves for Lucy and ended with the story about what had happened last week, why she went on a drive and a walk with the dogs alone. Telling her she hadn't even thought about making an excuse and that's why she had been so weird about it, but chuckling at herself how un-planned she had gone about it all.

Lucy had laughed with her and told her she was glad that it had been about the present, because she had worried a bit about it at the time.

Ona kissed Lucy tenderly, a kiss out of pure love ''tots dos volem viure junts per sempre'', she whispered in Lucy's ear ''and I want to put a ring on your finger as tangible proof of that''.

She opened the pouch and put her own ring on before she looked up to Lucy ''in Catalunya it's normal to wear a wedding ring on the left hand, the hand closest to the heart, and the promise ring on the right, but i believe it is the other way around in England''.

Lucy grinned ''i'll put it on the right, like you, they can think i'm married, i don't care, it is our thing''.

''We can wear it to think about eachother''. Ona slid the ring onto her lovers finger ''if we miss eachother''.

''It is perfect'' Lucy cooed as she traced her finger along the engraved waves ''Ona'' she said determined as felt the ring around her finger.

''Hm?''.

''Oh, the name of my future wife, it's Ona''. Lucy stated as if she was talking to someone else ''she is the love of my life and one day i'll marry her''.

The Catalan smiled ''when the time is right''.

''When the time is right'' Lucy agreed.

They got to the restaurant just in time for their reservation and as the evening went on they ate great food and even drank a glass of wine both, despite being in the middle of the season, because of the special occasion.

Ona noticed Lucy glancing at her hand a lot during the night and chuckled when she once again took a long look at the ring Ona had gifted her.

''Stay like this'' she demanded.

Lucy looked up surprised at her as she pulled her phone out.

''Look at your hand again, it looks pretty'', encouraged Ona her as she opened the camera app.

She smiled at her phone when she had taken the picture and opened it in the camera roll, and put a black and white filter on it. She was happy with the result and handed the phone to Lucy, ''muy hermosa, look''.

Lucy looked at the photo and chuckled ''i like your present a lot it seems, am i really that obvious''.

''Sí, you have a face that is readable like a book for kindergartners''. Ona chuckled back, ''but i love that about you''.

..

They didn't get back home too late as Lucy payed for the bill pretty soon after they were done eating.

Stepping out of the elevator Lucy opened her jacket and got her key out of her purse "you know the reason why I didn't want to make it too late?".  

Ona smirked back at her "hmm I don't know, tell me".  

She grinned and opened the door.

When they were both inside Lucy thumbed at the bottom lip of the Catalans mouth, "I want to take my time with you tonight".

Ona gulped, in this busy time of the season, just after the new-years break, they had had a lot going on. More training to get everyone on track again, media things, games, etcetera and that had led to a trend of quickies. That was a sad reality in comparison to their usual intimate marathons, like when they had been away for couple of days over Christmas.

Within these busy couple of weeks it had been a frequent thought of Ona's to have good sex again. Well, she wouldn't actually say it like that, because Lucy could do a lot in a few, undisturbed, minutes, but she sure did miss the way Lucy could make her feel, or rather make her cum again and again, when they’d got the time.

Ona smiled and pressed a couple of light kisses to the thumb before taking it in her mouth.

"Fuck" Lucy said under a heavy breath as the smaller woman sucked on her thumb and looked up her with those big submissive eyes, to preform that ‘fuck-me’ look she could put on.

Ona removed herself from the thumb with a pop ´´trobo a faltar la teva polla´´ (i miss your cock) she said, as she met Lucy's gaze before taking the digit back on her tongue.

The English woman groaned as she pressed her body closer to Ona's and turned her gaze back to her mouth ‘’ofcourse you do .. my little fuck doll’’ she growled before removing her thumb and pressing her mouth against the shorter woman’s lips.

A hungry kiss was shared while they both tried to undo themselves from their coats. Ona was the first to drop hers to the floor and her hands quickly found Lucy to tug at hers.

Lucy broke the kiss with a grin ''what's the rush?''.

The Catalan rolled her eyes ''Luce, vamos, la cama, now please''. (come on, let's go to the bed). she demanded.

The taller woman’s smirk grew, she tutted and shook her head slightly ''has it been so long that you forgot your manners? you're acting a bit like a slut, aren't ya?''.

Ona blushed but before she could respond Lucy was biting down her neck lightly and groaned against her skin ''lets get to the bedroom then''.

She nodded and as Lucy stepped away she automatically reached for a hand, tugging her along to the bedroom.

Once they were there she didn't waste time before undressing down to her underwear and looked up to Lucy expectantly.

''Sad we have to take these off'' Lucy said as she fiddled the golden ring she had already grew to love this evening.

Ona quickly took hers of and put it on the nightstand before reaching out her hand to take Lucy's rings.

''So fucking eager''.

''I missed you'' Ona offered as explanation.

After she had put Lucy's rings down safely as well, she stepped back to Lucy and tugged on her blouse. ''hmh'' Lucy smirked as she caught Ona's wrists ''you just said something else, hm, that you missed my cock’’. ‘’you missed getting fucked properly, hm?''.

''By you'' Ona tried to coax Lucy to get on with it ''please Luce, can I undress you?'' she pouted.

Lucy shook her head but smiled ''mkay, because you asked so nicely''.

Ona watched closely as she undressed Lucy, she had seen her naked a thousand times, maybe even more, but she was still as obsessed with it as the first day she laid eyes on the undressed older woman.

The way her muscles were so defined, those rock solid, slightly uneven abs, which she had been allowed to ride a few times. The way Lucy's arms literally looked sculpted and looked so damn good when she was training in her sleeveless training top, claiming it was for a more even tan. Yes, Ona could look at Lucy for days.

And right now, as she had taken off Lucy's blouse and shirt, as she felt the hard stomach below her knuckles and she unbuttoned her jeans. It drove her crazy all over again.

When Lucy stepped out of the pants Ona bent to help her caught ankle get out of the trouser leg. Her face was so close to Lucy's core that she could smell her arousal. Ona couldn’t help herself and dropped to her knees to kiss along Lucy's thighs ''quiero comerte'' she groaned as she hooked her fingers in Lucy's briefs ''is okay?''.

Lucy groaned, she nodded at the woman kneeled below her and stepped out of her underwear when Ona had taken it off.

The way Ona's English progressively got worse as she got more turned on always amazed Lucy. How Ona could get lost in the lust, the way she would look so pretty and satisfied as Lucy gave her what she needed,. but right now it seemed as though Ona had other ideas.

Lucy stilled as she felt two digits tracing her center ''Ona'' she gasped unprepared.

''No?'' Ona blinked at Lucy innocently ''mi lengua primero?'' (you want my tongue first?)

Lucy's eyes rolled back and she grabbed Ona's hair in a fist ''fuck Ona, do whatever you want''. she gasped and thought -this woman is going to be the dead of me-, as she felt Ona working her way to her core.

Ona completely gave in to her instincts and buried herself deep between her lover's legs, wiggling herself on her knees between Lucy's legs so that they spread further apart, giving her even better access.

After a while, an embarrassingly short while, whilst Ona's hands were firmly kneading the flesh of her ass, Lucy came. The orgasm washed over her quickly, catching her off guard and she couldn't stop her legs from clamping around Ona's head.

Ona didn't budge, it seemed that her hunger was not satisfied, but rather only further fueled.

When Lucy couldn't take it anymore, she gently removed her hand from Ona's hair, who took the hint and leaned back.

''Fuck that was good'' Lucy breathed with a small smile and saw Ona looking at her with twinkling eyes, but the most striking part of the small face looking up at her, were her chin and mouth glistening with her own wetness.

With the back of her hand, Ona wiped it away. Lucy didn't know why but this simple act made her knees buckle, but it did.

''I was so good, no?'' Ona asked.

Lucy smiled ''very good'' she said as she helped Ona up.

Ona immediately went in for a kiss, wanting desperately a relief of her own.

The taller woman gently broke the kiss chuckling ''Ona, nadó .. calma''. ''take it easy, i'm yours forever, remember?''.

Ona nodded and walked to their drawer to get the strap she wanted and a harness, ''we can go more slowly all those days'' she said as she handed Lucy the strap and kneeled with the harness to help Lucy in it.

When the harness was fixed she stood up her tiptoes to whisper in Lucy's ear ''but for now not slowly''.

Lucy swallowed hard and could feel her nipples harden from arousal. "How do you want me then''.

Ona raised an eyebrow, "my choice?" her mouth twisted into a smile, "then you know what I choose."

"Mhm, get on the bed".

The Catalan's smile did not leave her face, she loved to get fucked on all fours, it was her favorite position. How their thighs would feel gritting against eachother, the way her butt was pointed upwards, ready for Lucy to spank. But this position asked the most of Lucy's knees, so usually when they'd do it, Ona would end up on the edge of the bed so Lucy could stand. However, in Ona's opinion nothing could beat the way Lucy felt behind her when they were both on their knees.

Lucy shuffled behind Ona, who was now on her elbows and knees. She put two fingers in her mouth before tracing Ona's lips with them. She groaned "so fucking wet".

Ona muttered something incoherent and wiggled her ass a little, pressing it deeper against Lucy's digits.

Slowly the older woman worked her two fingers in, she saw Ona arch infront of her and groaned at the tightness of her hole.

It had probably been three weeks since they'd last used the strap, just simply because there hadn't been time to do so, or they had been to tired. Lucy had missed it, she loved watching her girlfriend take her rubber cock, but she knew Ona had probably missed it even more. Lucy could only love her girlfriend for it, they had great sex, their dynamics worked out perfectly and she was happy to answer all Ona’s needs.

The English woman grinned when she felt Ona trying to clench around her fingers, she knew the Catalan wanted more.

Ona whined "Luce" she pushed herself even more into Lucy "more".

Lucy smacked one of her ass cheeks, it landed a bit awkward because it was left-handed, but there was definitely an impact. "manners baby".

A moan escaped Ona's throat "please fuck me Luce".

Another crack-sound filled the room and Lucy removed her fingers from Ona to wipe the wetness along her strap.

She guided the tip along Ona's slit "thats a good girl’’. ‘’I know I thought you well, haven't I".

‘’Mhm’’ Ona nodded eager, but quickly corrected herself ‘’y-yes Lucy’’.

With that Lucy pushed herself inside, holding Ona’s hips as she bottomed out.

The Catalan let her head drop and closed her eyes to take it all in, and fuck did it feel good. When she noticed Lucy stayed still she took it upon herself to start moving.

Lucy had wanted to give her some time to get used to it but when she saw Ona grinding back down on her - a smirk clad her face. She released her grip on Ona’s hips and ran one hand along her back to hold her shoulder, giving her more leverage. With the other hand she reached for Ona’s thigh and forced her a little wider.

‘’Feels good hm?’’ Lucy asked through gritted teeth as she saw the smaller woman’s head cock back up.  

With another deep thrust Ona’s answered with a high-pitched moan.

Lucy reached around to roll Ona’s nipples between her fingers, ‘’does it not?’’ she asked mischievously before pinching the nipple she held.

A cry escaped Ona’s throat ‘’Sí .. Lucy’’ she muttered ‘’so good’’.

After Lucy had cupped the breast tenderly once more, her hand moved south along her stomach, ending between her legs, she gathered some slick and gently started caressing her clit.

This stimulation combined with the constant, deep, thrusts into her, got Ona being louder and louder.

It wasn't long before Ona moaned out her girlfriends name, ''Lu-‘’ she gasped  ‘’I-I m coming''.

''Good girl''. Lucy groaned ''cum for me''. ''come on my cock''.

Lucy felt the shorter woman convulsing around her rubber lengthiness, making it hard for her to keep thrusting at the same pace.

With a couple of seconds a loud groaning cry filled the room and Ona collapsed against the bed as her arms gave out on her.

Lucy held the lower part of her body up as she gently worked her through her orgasm, before releasing her hold and pulling out, helping Ona carefully collapse on to the bed completely.

The English woman dropped on her side besides Ona and started soothing the skin on her back, feeling the clampy skin of Ona's back beneath her fingertips she smiled and leaned over to kiss her neck softly, nudging Ona to face her.

The Catalan let out a soft groan as she shifted ‘’T'estimo’’ (I love you) she said as she draped herself over her older girlfriend.

Lucy chuckled ‘’I love you too my little bonita’’.

They shared a kiss before Ona climbed on top of Lucy without breaking their lips apart.

‘’Again huh?’’. Lucy smirked.

Ona shifted until she sat up on Lucy’s hips ‘’Sí, my favorit first, now your favorit one´´.

´´I have multiple favorites´´. Lucy said with a smug grin as she sat up to face Ona.

A small frown clouded her forehead ´´like this, no?’’. she asked with a small smile as she sat on Lucy's lap and they held each other in a close embrace.

‘’Yes I love holding you close to me’’ Lucy cooed as she pulled Ona in closer, helping her grind against her ‘’are you sure you’re ready to go again already?’’ she asked thoughtfully.

The Catalan grinned and kissed her.

While they made out Ona reached between them and sat up a bit before gently lowering herself back on the strap. She whimpered at the familiar intrusion.

For a while they just sat there together, sharing gentle, loving kisses.

Eventually they broke away and caught eachothers eyes, the smaller woman reached around Lucy to unclasp her bra, she had a little bit of a hard time getting it off because their bodies were so close together but eventually Lucy threw it next to the bed.

This movement sent a shiver running down Ona's spine and got her sensitive cunt clamping around Lucy's cock, she buried her face in the English´ neck as she felt the strong hands around her thighs, helping her up and down the shaft.

´´So good baby´´ Lucy said as she redirected one of her hands to Ona´s back, helping her grind back and forth a bit more rather then just up and down.

Again Ona got louder as she felt her second orgasm this evening build up. She grabbed Lucy to hold herself up and began riding her faster.

´´Fuck´´ Lucy whimpered as she got grinded down on just right ´´ready for my other favorite?’’.

Ona moaned as she got flipped over by the taller woman, putting her on her back on the bed.

With rhythmic thrusts, Lucy fucked keeping a steady pace.

Ona wrapped her legs around Lucy and the Englishwoman leaned down to take a breast into her mouth.

The Catalan dropped her head on the pillow at the way Lucy's tongue twisted around her erected nipple.

After ambushing both nipples Lucy removed her mouth from Ona and panted for air, all while not haltering her pace once.

Ona removed her hands from Lucy's shoulders to continue stimulating her nipples herself.

Lucy shifted her weight to one arm as she reached down with the other, to rub Ona's clit.

"Joder" Ona muttered as her eyes screwed shut and she arched of the bed.

"That's it baby, you're taking me so well" Lucy said breathlessly.

The Catalan's hands clenched the skin of her chest and she moaned loudly as she came.

As the English woman felt the Spaniards legs tremble around her she slowed her pace, both with her hand as with her hips.

When Ona pushed her hands against Lucy's chest, indicating it got to much, she retracted.

She grabbed Ona's calves and gently forced her spasming legs apart so she could move back on the bed a little.

As she had removed the strap from her harness and dropped it besides the bed, came closer to Ona again and softly started running her hands along her inner thighs.

When her legs slowly became less shaky a smile crept on Lucy's face.

Ona watched her with a blissfull expression and couldn't even roll her eyes or pretend to be annoyed by the smugness of her girlfriend, instead she mirrored the soft smile and reached out for one of Lucy's hands.

"That was so good" Ona said, being the first to break the thick silence.

Lucy chuckled in awe "baby you were shaking".

"It felt really good" Ona said tracing her fingers over Lucy's stomach "i chose the best person to be with for forever".

Lucy chuckled "good sex is all it takes hm?".

"No" Ona grinned "but it gives bonus points".

Lucy groaned "you know i always want to score the most points" she said before lowering herself on top of Ona and littering her with kisses.

"Lucy" Ona gasped "i can't" she said as Lucy headed towards her centre.

"I'll be so gentle" Lucy murmured against the inside of Ona's thigh "i want to taste you".

..

After a couple of hours Ona was laying in a bath Lucy had ran for her.

She had protested when Lucy had left her but she had calmed down when the English defender had said she would join right after changing the sheets.

Lucy walked in to the bathroom carying two bottles of water and a bowl with strawberrys, grapes and pineapple.

She took the wooden plank that was standing against the bathroom wall and placed it on the bath, before taking the bottles and bowl from the sink and placing them on it.

Ona was smiling at the acts of her thoughtfull girlfriend "i am so in love with you Luce".

Lucy looked up and met the two loving eyes that followed her "me too Ona, and i really really love our rings, their beautiful, especially with the promise that's behind them".

"Kiss me?" Ona asked reaching out for the older woman.

"Always".

----

The end, not theirs :)

[codgod]

y’know generally i try to limit colour palettes to as few colours as possible to make things more cohesive but despite my best efforts only jay ended up being able to stick to that </3

ANYWAYS here’s the as-of-right-now fully updated designs for these dickheads. these will no doubt undergo even more tweaking as i draw them more but this is a start i guess. also pls open the pictures to look at them properly i worked so hard LOL

some random notes under the cut yaaaay

chip —

he jingles when he walks. somehow he’s still stealthy. i do not know how

kept the platinum ring that bonded him to gillion in the block! because hey he doesn’t really have a reason to take it off (and it’s a nice reminder of how much gill cares about him, and how far their friendship has come since that ice arena)

his tattoos shift and flicker like actual flames, and sometimes (harmless, purely aesthetic) sparks fly off them when he’s excited

i just think smoke coming out of his mouth when he’s angry would be cool :]

chipped teeth from biting rocks and coins all the time :/

he has scars from the red lightning, they’re just mostly contained to his back and shoulders. they’re a similar red to his coat even once they’ve healed

gillion —

the tail sleeve thing is so he can rest it on the ground without damaging his scales, he doesn’t usually wear it when he’s just on the ship because the wood is soft enough that it’s usually fine + it can hinder swimming a bit. it’s mostly meant for places where there’s cobblestone or gravel streets and such. i think his armour would probably have a version that looks similar but covers the whole tail minus the fins, maybe with some armour plating of its own. i didn’t draw it because there wasn’t any room lol

his scars from the lightning are pink mostly because red stood out too much tbh. they softly glow in the dark the same as his coral and the pink parts of his fins

also kept his ring! his hands aren’t really made for jewellery, though, because the webbing means it won’t sit very secure on his finger. so he keeps it on the same chain as the necklace he got from aslana to keep it safe

tried to make him look a bit bulkier and more his age than in my original design? i feel like i was leaning too much into the naivety and. shortness. originally lol. he also has thicker eyebrows now and i’m still trying to decide how i feel about them but i think? i like it? i don’t tend to give many character thin eyebrows so it could’ve been a unique thing for him but alas

i think i made the sword too small but like ignore that

also forgor to include pretzel </3 that’s okay though she can get her own design sheet later. she’s special like that

jay —

i believe in tall jay supremacy

blue magic! i was considering gold but that’d look a bit more like a canary than i wanted for her wings so. blue jay :]

her hair is supposed to look kinda like fire to mimic her dad ! kinda showing that even if she runs from her family and the navy they’ll always be a part of her. and also i just like drawing messy hair

i gave her sturdier gloves just because i feel like it fits her better. also changed up the shirt to more of a button up solely because i don’t like tank tops very much LOL

i did WANT to make her outfit a bit flashier to match the boys better but i couldn’t quite figure out where to Put the flash. maybe that’ll come later, the way the story’s going i might get to design some cool prosthetics for her or something

overall —

because there’s just so many fucking colours i triiied to add at least one or two colours from each of them into the others designs. jay has her necklace with each of their main colours on it, her wings are the same blue as gillions eyes, her jacket and right eye are the same dark blue as destiny’s blade, her hair is the same orange as the lighter part of chips tattoos. chip has a dark green sash under all the belts, the same as the hilt of destiny’s blade. they all use the same shades of black, gold, and brown

the only real exception is gillion doesn’t have anything from the other two because he has Such a specific colour palette and he already had so much going on as-is orz jay was obviously the easiest to do this with because she has both warm and cool colours in her palette by default lol (and i did her design last, so that helps)

[babydollmarauders]

SNOW ON THE BEACH — LUKE HUGHES

luke hughes x fem!reader

part of the Midnights Fic List.

summary: in which shy, introverted y/n meets extroverted frat boy Luke and he takes a liking to her, even though everyone thinks they’re an odd match.

specific lyrics: “it’s like snow on the beach, weird but fuckin’ beautiful.”

notes: i really wanted frat boy Luke in order to really have them contrast each other, but i also didn’t wanna take away the hockey element or split up the UMich boys, so… Hockey House is a frat now. also, i don’t think i like this one, i feel like i could’ve done so much better but like halfway through writing this, my brain short-circuited and i couldn���t think of anything.

the library is packed. i should’ve expected it, with it being so close to finals week and all, but it still disappointed me nonetheless.

this was my favorite place to escape and read when my obnoxious dorm-mate had her friends over. it was quiet and usually pretty empty. so i could usually sit and read for a few hours until i was sure none of Alex’s friends were still there. none of them knew how to use an inside voice, and with our dorm just being one big room, they constantly thought that meant i would want to join in on their conversations. which were mainly gossip about the hockey team. so, coming in and finding every space in the library full, ruined my plans. i don’t want to go back to my dorm and be subjected to them debating which UMich hockey player has the cutest smile, so i guess that leaves me with one option; find a seat.

i let loose a sigh and scan the room for who seems to be the quietest. i hate small talk. i find a table with only one person sat at it, a guy with one airpod in and a textbook laid out in front of him, and decide that’s the one. i walk over, fully planning on just motioning to ask if i can sit, but when i come to a stop in front of the table and he doesn’t even look up, i know i’ll have to speak up. i take a deep breath before i let out the quietest ‘excuse me’ known to man. the boy still doesn’t look up from the textbook, and i don’t blame him, he probably didn’t even hear me.

“excuse me.” i say slightly louder. this time the boy finally looks up, but i’m struck on what to say. suddenly, all the mentally rehearsed words have left my mind. this may be the cutest boy i have ever seen.

“can i help you?” his voice is soft. not judgmental or rude like what i would’ve expected from him after i came over and interrupted his studying just to end up staring at him. i shake myself out of my thoughts and give a light nod.

“do you mind if i sit here?” i motion towards a chair diagonal from his. “everywhere else is full.”

the boy nods.

“oh, yeah, go ahead.” i give him a small and grateful smile before depositing myself in the chair. pulling my book and a few highlighters out from my tote bag before hanging it up on the back of my chair. i open my book to where i left off, setting the bookmark on the table. but before i can start reading, the boy speaks up again.

“sorry to interrupt but, you’re reading that for a class?” he asks. for some reason, i take a look at the front cover of my romance novel before talking.

“oh. no. i’m reading this for fun.” i tell him. my voice is quite, my tone soft.

“oh okay. i guess i just assumed you were here to study since everyone else is.” he lets out a breathy chuckle as he shrugs.

“no.” i shake my head before explaining- “i’m here to get away from my dorm-mate and her friends. they’re too loud for me to focus and they keep trying to get me to weigh in on their debates.”

“what are they debating?” he asks.

“well, when i left it was which Wolverines hockey player has the cutest smile.” i tell him, rolling my eyes.

“and who did you say?” he seems curious, and almost amused.

“no one.” i shrug. “i don’t know what any of them look like.”

he lets out a quiet laugh.

“well you know what one of them looks like now.” he says. my brows form a v and i’m about to ask him to clarify but then it hits me. oh. he’s a hockey player.

“oh.” is my awkward response.

“i’m Luke Hughes.” he smiles at me. well, i have my answer for the next debate now.

“i’m y/n.” i tell him. “nice to meet you.”

“you too.” he finally looks back down at his textbook, and i’m relieved to be free of any more small talk.

the next hour or so passes by silently, and i manage to finish the last 75 pages of my book without any interruptions. i close my book, and put my stuff back in my tote bag, at the same time that an alarm goes off on Luke’s phone. he turns it off and starts packing his stuff up as well. we stand simultaneously, and he sends me a quick amused expression. my steps to the exit are slow, and Luke falls in line with me, slowing his steps to match mine.

“my frat is having a party on Friday, you should come. collect some more data for the next debate.” he smirks, and i rack my brain for a nice way to say that i don’t do parties.

“i’m not really a party person.” i say.

“then what kind of person are you?” he asks. his eyes fall down my body before he looks back up to my face.

“um, the reading type, i guess? i don’t really like doing the whole people thing.” i confess. he nods in understanding.

“well, if you change your mind, come. and if you need to escape your dorm again, i’ll be here tomorrow, same time.” he winks before splitting off, walking the opposite direction as me.

my entire walk to my dorm, i rethink every word we shared, wondering if i sounded stupid. i mean, i would assume not because he didn’t seem put off by me, but who knows, maybe he’s just a good actor. he was really cute though, gosh i hope i didn’t unknowingly embarrass myself.

opening the door to my dorm, i’m disappointed to see that Alex and her friends are still here. they don’t usually hang out this long on a wednesday evening. and i have to hold back an eye roll when i realize that it doesn’t sound they’ve changed their topic of conversation at all since i’ve left. logically, i’m sure it has and they just circled back onto this topic, but i honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it was all they were talking about the past couple hours.

“y/n! you didn’t answer before you left, so please, settle this for us!” one of them, Jess, says as she spots me. “which UMich hockey player has the best smile? i say Ethan Edwards, Alex says Rutger McGroarty, and Becca says Mark Estapa!”

my mind wanders back to the boy i was conversing with not too long ago and before i can think twice, i blurt out- “Luke Hughes.”

“you think so?” Becca asks “i feel like he rarely ever smiles. it’s so hard to get one out of him.”

“really?” i ask. they must be exaggerating, he smiled at me earlier. although, i think he was just being friendly.

“yeah! i have a class with him this semester and i swear he frowned at me when i tried to introduce myself. i mean, he’s still hot, but still.” Becca replies, shrugging.

“oh.” i say. what does that mean? if he wasn’t friendly to her when they met, then why would he smile and be friendly with me?

“oooh y/n is blushing! i think she likes him!” Alex coos.

“i don’t like him.” i turn away, letting my hair fall in front of me to hide my apparently pink cheeks. i set my tote bag on my desk chair and slip my shoes off before taking a seat on my bed.

“i think she does!” Jess joins in on the teasing, and now i’m regretting having left the solitude of the library. “a bit of an odd match, you two.”

i’m not sure whether i should be offended by her statement or not, but for some reason i am. i don’t plan on dating him, but hearing her say we wouldn’t match together makes me feel insulted.

“what is that supposed to mean?” i retort.

“she didn’t mean anything by it.” Alex defends her friend. “she’s just saying, Luke is an extrovert, he likes to party and let loose, he has a lot of friends. and you’re… the opposite. i don’t think i’ve seen you go out once in the entire school year that we’ve shared a room. you keep to yourself. like, we’ve been trying to include you so that you’re not lonely, but you always say you’re going to the library. you and Luke just don’t seem like you’d fit together.”

“i didn’t ask you to include me. i like being alone. people are draining.” i say. i don’t like their pity on me. it’s not like i don’t have friends. i do. we’re just all introverted and our hangouts between classes is enough social interaction for us. we don’t care for going out partying on weekends or anything. if we do want to hang out on the weekend, we’ll usually do a movie night at Casey and Ellie’s apartment. but the way Alex explains it makes my life sound pitiful, and it makes me defensive, so before i can stop myself, i speak again. “and for your information, i’m going to a party on friday.”

the trio gasps, as though this information is scandalous.

“oh my god, are you going the party at Hockey House?” Becca asks. ‘hockey house’, the nickname for the frat house in which most of the UMich hockey players live. the frat is comprised solely of hockey players, so i guess the nickname makes sense. “for Luke?”

“yes, i’m going to the party. but no, not for Luke.” i tell them. why did i say i was going to that party? i hate parties. i even already told Luke so.

**

friday evening has come, and i can’t even back out of going to the party because Alex, Becca, and Jess have decided we should carpool together. so now i’m stuck in this commitment.

when Becca and Jess arrive to pick Alex and i up, i become aware that i’m the only one not wearing a dress or skirt of some kind. instead i’m dressed casual, in jeans and a tank top, paired with an oversized cardigan to keep me protected from the evening breeze. but it’s too late to change now.

arriving to the party is a hassle on its own, with the girls fussing over whether they look good enough to bag a hockey player, and having a hard time finding a parking spot. and when we finally walk into the party, i immediately want to leave. music is blasting from multiple speakers, everyone is holding a stereotypical red solo cup, and the house is packed. i’m quickly forgotten about by the other girls, them walking off to get drinks and stop to have conversations with a few of the hockey guys. i still don’t actually know any of the players names, besides Luke.

i scan the room, but i’m not entirely sure what i’m looking for. or who. all my friends are probably laying in bed right now. before i can even figure out who i’m looking for, i hear my name being called.

“y/n!” i turn my head towards the voice and find a guy from my ‘intro to business’ class coming towards me. i think his name is Dylan, but it seems like everyone just calls him Duke. “never seen you at a party before!”

“yeah, it’s not usually my scene.” i tell him with an awkward smile.

“i figured. you give me more of the ‘reading in my room’ vibes.” he laughs.

“am i that obvious?” i joke. he laughs again and nods.

“you look pretty out of place. let me introduce you to some of my friends.” he takes ahold of my wrist and pulls me towards a group of guys in the kitchen. i’m immediately uncomfortable, they all seem intimidating, and i’m not great around boys. we get closer to the group and Duke begins to introduce me. “guys, this is-”

“y/n! you came!” i look over to see Luke, and i can’t help the smile that breaks out on my face when i see his wide grin. he slings an arm around my shoulders, and Duke’s jaw drops.

“THIS is the y/n you’ve been talking about? the one from the library?” Duke asks. i can feel my face heating up. he’s been talking about me? i hope he’s not saying anything bad about me.

“yup. this is my future girlfriend.” Luke exclaims, and i choke on my own spit.

what?! we barely know anything about each other! all i know is his name is Luke, he has the prettiest smile i’ve ever seen, and he plays hockey. pretty sure all he knows about me is my name and that i have an annoying roommate.

“hm. an odd match.” Duke ponders. there’s that phrase again! but now seeing Luke in his natural habitat, partying and joking with friends, and even just him being so confident, i can’t help but wonder if Duke and the girls are right. Luke and i do seem to contrast each other.

“what’s that supposed to mean?” Luke asks defensively.

“hey, i’m not saying that’s a bad thing!” Duke rebuts. “you guys are just kinda… opposites of each other.”

“opposites attract.” Luke shrugs. i’m kind of confused. does my opinion matter? Luke seems pretty confident that i like him back.

“uh, Luke.” i speak up. he looks down at me where i’m still tucked into his side. “we don’t really know anything about each other.”

“when you know, you know.” he shrugs.

**5 YEARS LATER**

i stare up at my now husband from my seat beside him with watery eyes and a soft smile.

“and i told her, ‘when you know, you know.’” he looks back down at me from his standing position. “and i knew. from the first time we met, i knew this would be the girl i spend the rest of my life with.”

everyone in the reception hall claps as Luke ends his speech. he gives me a soft kiss on the cheek before whispering in my ear.

“you got this, baby.” his hand clasps my shaky one and gives it a quick tight squeeze. i take one big deep breath and stand up, i hate public speaking, but i wrote my speech and i will read it.

“i didn’t know. well, at least not as quick as Luke.” a few people chuckle at that. “but what i do know, is that i went to my first party for him. which spoke volumes for me. and i thought he had the most amazing smile to ever exist.”

i look down at Luke and see the grin spread across his face.

“look, there it is!” i point to him as i look back at the reception hall full of our friends and family and everyone laughs. “i still think it’s the best smile, but i might be biased now. when we started dating, we had people calling us an odd match, i even had a friend compare us to ‘snow on the beach.’ she said we were ‘weird but beautiful.’”

“i used to think it was an insult, but now i look back and realize, our friends were right, we are an odd match.” i look back at Luke and now it’s my turn to smile. he takes ahold of my hand, squeezing it as a few tears roll down my cheeks. i finish my speech while maintaining eye contact with him. “but i like our differences, we balance each other out, and i can’t imagine what my life would be like if i hadn’t liked your confidence so much that night. i’m so grateful that i get to spend the rest of my life calling myself your wife.”

Luke stands, winding his arms around my waist and pulling me in for a sweet, slow kiss. i can hear everyone clapping, and someone lets out a loud “WOOO!”

i can distinctly tell that was Jack, and it makes me interrupt the kiss with a giggle. Luke just takes that chance to pull back and pepper my face in pecks. blood rushes to my face at the thought of our family and friends watching him do this, but he doesn’t care. his confidence is a constant, no room for embarrassment.

yeah, maybe my friend was right; Luke and i are like snow on the beach. at first glance, we’re an unlikely duo, different in a lot of ways, but we make a great couple and our love is beautiful.

[livwritesstuff]

Angsty question- feel free to ignore if you want.

Historically, dads yelling has always been a very not-good sound. Especially to girls.

What happened the first time Steve or Eddie (or both) yelled? Not even at the girls; it could’ve been a heated argument they were having.

How old were the girls? What did they do? How did Steve and Eddie feel? What did they do?

oooh okay i definitely took my time mulling over this one bc i wanna make sure i’m getting my wording right

(and reading this back i’m realizing i kind of don’t really answer your actual question hope that’s okay lol)

I think a really important facet of this is that (in this ‘verse) Steve is a licensed and practicing trauma counselor. Not only does he know how harmful (and counter-productive) yelling can be, he also knows all sorts of other methods for communication that are just better.

It’s not that the girls don’t ever piss him off or do stupid shit and get in trouble – he just knows way more effective ways to get them to realize oh shit, I fucked up than by yelling at them.

(I think if anything, he could be a stress-yeller, but by the time he and Eddie start fostering kids, he’s been through so much shit that he doesn’t really ever hit that stress threshold anymore).

And then, I think with Eddie, he’s still as dramatic as ever even in middle-aged adulthood, and I think he gets loud about things pretty much regardless of the emotion behind it, so the girls aren’t super phased by it if/when he does get loud from a place of anger or frustration. I also feel like Eddie tends to defer to Steve when it comes to the heavier parts of parenthood, precisely because he knows that Steve is coming at it from a place of clinical expertise in a way that he himself isn’t. Steve isn’t a yeller, so neither is Eddie. Maybe if Steve had been more inclined to yell, Eddie would be too.

Same thing applies with Steve and Eddie’s communication with each other – they don’t really get into screaming matches over shit, but when they do argue or have disagreements or conflict or whatever, they get mean, and I think this is where there could be some problems. 

Like, they can throw some serious barbs at each other when they want to (and they’ve known each other for a long time so they’ve got plenty of ammo), and when the girls are little, it’s easy to forget in the heat of the moment that they actually can understand what their dads are saying.

Hence why, a few hours after an argument (about nothing – they were just both in pissy moods at the same time, and with Hazel not even five months old yet they’re not really getting much sleep which doesn’t help things at all), Steve finds three-year-old Robbie crying in her room, and when he asks her what’s wrong, she whimpers, “Moe said you and Daddy are gonna get a divorce.”

And, fuck, Moe is only six, and Steve didn’t know that she even knew what divorce was (though it’s possible he and Eddie had gossiped a little too close to the sun about one of their neighbors’ divorce earlier that same week, so maybe that one's on them), and the notion that her brain had been able to make that connection from the things she'd heard earlier had Steve feeling like the worst guy on the planet.

Then, when they sat down with the older two girls to make sure they knew that everything was fine and no one was getting divorced, it only got worse because Moe started repeating back to them the shitty things they had said to each other, and there’s a special kind of shame in hearing word-for-word the vitriol he’d directed at Eddie – who he loves; no argument could ever change that – coming out of his kindergartener’s mouth.

Yeah, so anyways, I don’t really think yelling would necessarily be an issue with them, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some real flaws in their communication that stick with the girls.

[princessamericachavez]

My thoughts about the Ted Lasso finale (no particular order)

The end montage was obviously Ted’s dream for the future and not even subtly so jot that down

Actually just gonna add that this is the show’s way of telling us the potential these characters have and what Ted wishes for them but without his presence it’s up to them now

Roy mouthing alone to Goodbye, Farewell broke me because he’s clearly the one who put together the choreography

Also Dani singing? My most beloved

Jaime and Roy clashing one last time might have pissed some people off but this was always a rock in their shoe that they needed to address and we see that their relationship can and will survive it

I like Rebecca’s romcom ending even if I wanted her to end with Ted.

Ted going back to his son was necessary and the whole point. He always blamed his father for abandoning them. When he came to Richmond he was all but running away from his family in hopes things would magically fix themselves. Instead, he put in the work and healed. But his biggest triggers were always connected to him missing his son’s life. In the end, Ted’s growth was the point so he could go back to them and be the best version of himself for them and for himself.

Ted not talking while Rebecca rambles was actually perfect. Old bitter Rebecca would’ve never opened up like that. But old Ted would’ve also rushed to reassure her or try to make a joke or cheer her up. This time, Ted lets her speak and then sticks to his guns, even if the truth is uncomfortable for others. He allows himself to do this for himself and not to please others.

Beard staying for Jane was foreseeable given the toxic codependent nature of their relationship. Happy perfect endings don’t exist. His story is still developing.

Furthermore, the real growth came from Beard letting himself choose something regardless of what Ted is doing and breaking himself free from a cycle of guilt and feeling in debt.

I know it was in the dream but god I hope Roy gets therapy. We did see the roots of him wanting to change and be better and accept the help he needs so he’s in the right path.

Keeley/Roy/Jamie is still endgame in my heart. Eventually. Once all three are in the right place.

The himbos singing made me cry. A lot.

Even if it was in the dream, if Jamie actually chose to reconnect to his dad somehow I think it wouldn’t be the end of the world. He would get to do it on his terms and only because he chose to have him in his life to some degree. Which might simply be being civil and talking from time to time, so long as his father keeps putting in the work to better himself and takes steps to make amends and apologize and acknowledge all his wrongs. Who knows. It’s an open ending.

Loved everything about the match.

Glad Van Damme got closure from Rani Dojas and that Dani acknowledged his part in what happened and tried to make amends.

CANT believe they made me feel sorry for George.

The cold open was a tease but I loved to see what could’ve been (and who says Ted and Rebecca didn’t find each other while running away from all that noise and one thing less t another…)

I wish we’d seen Sam’s restaurant and his cute chef one last time.

Actually wish we’d had a little bit of all the other himbos.

And finally

Finally

I… don’t think it was the series’s finale. I don’t know. I might be wrong but lately all interviews from the cast suggest deep down they hope something else will come and maybe they’ll be like “you know what, this story isn’t over” or something.

That last scene and the musical cue with Ted’s final shot felt so dissonant to me. Like there’s something still unfinished there.

I, like Roy Kent, have all my fingers crossed.

[andreafmn]

Running in Circles | Chapter 9

Word Count: 3.6K

Summary: (Y/N) Rossi is following in her father’s footsteps by joining the BAU team as a profiler. The girl genius knew almost everything but she could have never predicted falling for Aaron Hotchner, her boss, and her father’s friend. in their world mutual feelings are not enough to push them together. Will all the adversities and obstacles they face pull them together or push them apart forever?

A/N: can't believe it's been over a year since I updated this story. It was one of the first I ever posted but quickly got disheartened by it as I tried to follow the show's timeline (which is non-existent, honestly). I'm trying to get through season 6 as fast as I can because I've already written chapters for afterward, but I need to tie it into the show. Honestly considered putting the story on hold but I got the chapter done 😊😊 Also need to go back and edit this story, especially regarding the POV

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As if by divine intervention, (Y/N)’s phone started ringing. The vibrations matched the fluttering of her heart as she prayed that Hotch could have been thinking about her at that moment as well. Maybe then she could trick herself into believing that fate was playing its cards right.

“Hey, baby girl.”

“Derek,” she sighed quietly, trying her best not to voice her disappointment. “What’s up? Everything okay?”

“You mind some company for tonight? I got a bottle of whiskey with our names on it.”

“Know what? After the day we just had, sure.” She looked down at the pan of lasagna and decided if she couldn’t enjoy it with Hotch, she’d enjoy it with a friend. “I’ve got some lasagna going in the oven we can eat.”

“Sounds perfect. I’ll see you in about fifteen minutes.”

After the phone clicked, she decided the most prudent thing would be to send Hotchner a text message thanking him for the food and saying she’d update him on everything tomorrow. After everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, she needed a moment of calm and clarity. A moment with certainty rather than mixed signals and stolen glances. She just needed a moment to breathe.

As any evidence of the day shed from her skin in the shower, a loud knock rang through the house. She quickly stepped out of her bathroom and slipped on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before she ran down the stairs to be met with Derek already inside the kitchen, digging a fork into the piping hot lasagna, with Spencer staring at our friend as he ate like a maniac.

“You know, if you let it cool down a bit, you can savor the taste,” Reid chuckled.

“I know,” he spoke with a full mouth. “But I wanna get drunk tonight, and I won’t do it on an empty stomach.”

“There’s some garlic bread in the toaster oven if you need something that will soak up the alcohol,” (Y/N) laughed as her two friends came into view in her kitchen. “And it’s good to see you’re putting those emergency keys to good use.”

“Sorry, (Y/N),” Spencer responded quickly. “Derek said you wouldn’t mind. We waited five minutes outside.”

“It’s fine, Reid. But you could’ve checked who was at the door.”

“Well, I didn’t want to overstep,” he shrugged. “It’s not my house after all.”

“Good to know you have boundaries, Reid,” she chuckled. “Not that they stopped either of you from letting yourselves in.”

Derek only grumbled in response, too focused on serving the plates and stuffing his mouth. (Y/N) headed to the front door, unsure of who else could have decided to drop by. And though a part of her wanted it to be Hotchner, she knew better than to live in that delusion. He was back in his home with his son, while she had a house full of friends and him on her mind.

“‘Em,” the woman smiled as she opened the door. “Derek invite you too?”

“As a matter of fact, he did. But I’m guessing he didn’t tell you I was coming over.”

“I’m just glad you didn’t use your emergency key as freely as those two boys.”

“Well, you did say we should feel at home,” Morgan grinned. “I’m just doing what you told me to.”

“First time you follow the rules, Morgan,” Emily teased. “Although I’d rather you guys break into (Y/N)’s house than mine.”

“Geez, thanks, Em,” she chuckled. “You’re lucky there’s enough food and booze to go around. But don’t go too crazy. We still have work tomorrow.”

“As if you’d ever let us go hungry,” Emily laughed. “Your Italian blood would never let you.”

“All I need to know is if there’s anyone else that will show up out of the blue.”

“Not that I know of,” Derek shrugged. “Now open up that bottle, I’m thirsty.”

By the time midnight rolled around, Emily and Derek had gone back home. They had eaten enough and drank enough the exhaustion was making their eyelids flutter. And all of them knew that the longer they stayed, the harder it would be to make it back to their homes. Only Spencer was left, curled up on the sofa, still nursing the same glass of whiskey from the start of the night. His eyes were squeezed shut, a hand over them blocking the overhead light.

“You okay, Spence?” (Y/N) asked as she sat by his head, resting it gently onto her lap. She ran her fingers through his curls, massaging his scalp softly. “You got a migraine?”

“Something like that,” he sighed. “They’ve been going on for a bit, but lately, they’ve been worse. The pain is unbelievable, and it makes me sensitive to everything around me.”

“Have you gone to a doctor? This could be something serious, Spence,” she worried. “I have a friend that might be able to squeeze you in. She’s a neurologist and…”

“I’ve got it handled, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I made an appointment for later in the week. I just have to power through the remaining days with sunglasses and pills.”

As soon as he mentioned the pain, a question popped into (Y/N)’s head that she did not want to ask. It was composed of words that could only bring back horrors from his past and the mistakes he was still paying for to that day. The last thing she wanted was to resurface that horrible period, but she had to know. For his sake, she just had to.

“I haven’t taken Dilaudid,” he said before she could speak. “It hasn’t even crossed my mind.”

“How did you…?”

“You were thinking too loud,” he responded as he grinned slightly, his eyes still closed. “And you’re the only one that still asks.”

“I’m sorry, Spence. I don’t mean to be so pushy, she sighed as she stared at the way her fingers ran through the brown of his hair. “If you don’t want time to ask, just…”

“No. I’m grateful that you do.” His free hand searched for hers, squeezing it softly as he enjoyed the warmth of her skin. “I sometimes feel that the team goes out of their way to pretend that part of my life didn’t happen or that it could never happen again. But it did, and it could. Still, I know I can always count on you to look after me, (Y/N). Even if I’m a couple of years older than you, you always find a way to take care of me.”

“And I always will, Reid. You’re a part of my family, and I take care of my family,” she responded softly. “Do you wanna stay here tonight? If it’s too bad, I don’t want you driving out there in the dark.”

“Honestly? Yeah,” Spencer breathed. “I don’t think I could make it home right now.”

“Alright, then. Why don’t you head on up and take a shower while I prepare you some tea and get you a cold compress for your head?” (Y/N) instructed. “You can take any of the sweats from the guest room, and I’ll fetch you some migraine pills so you can hopefully get some shut-eye tonight.”

“Thanks, Rossi,” the man smiled, finally allowing his eyes to open, finding that she had dimmed all the lights. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“And you’ll never have to find out,” she smiled. “Now, go on upstairs, and I’ll get started on the tea.”

“Fine,” he jokingly whined. “And can you not tell anyone else? I don’t want them worrying about me.”

“I won’t. Just, please keep me updated.”

“Copy that.”

As he disappeared to the second floor, (Y/N) couldn’t help but worry about her friend. Spencer had gone through things that were unimaginable. And though he came out of them with his life, they had slowly started to eat away at him. She knew firsthand just how debilitating anxiety could be to someone’s body, and it concerned her that he was downplaying his symptoms.

She set her kettle to boil as she searched for her own mixture of sleepy-time tea—chamomile, lemongrass, peppermint, and lavender. From her cupboard, she pulled out the purple and blue mug Spencer had always used since he had claimed it was able to keep his tea warm enough to sip slowly. Because apparently it had always been a big concern of his. After placing the tea infuser into the mug, she drizzled a few circles of honey to the bottom and a sprinkle of cinnamon. And once the kettle beeped, she drowned the leaves and the honey in boiling water.

(Y/N) could hear the shower running upstairs as she let the tea seep into the water, and all she could do was worry. Granted, it was something she did every single day of her life. She worried about her father spending all his time in books and his work and not enough on his personal life. She worried about little Jack having to grow up without his mother and a dad who didn’t quite believe he could do a good job as a father. She worried about Hotch, about what he did or didn’t feel. She worried about the team every time they went out on a case. And most importantly, she worried about herself and how she would ever live up to the people around her. Now, she added Spencer’s migraines to the list. If she ever made it to old age without a heart attack, she would have been very surprised.

Walking up the stairs with the mug and the pills, her phone vibrated in her pocket. She balanced the mug on the flat handrail and pulled out the device to see Hotchner’s name lighting up the screen. Her heart hammered against her chest, making her hands tremble with nerves. It was just a phone call., she told herself. He was probably only calling to thank her again.

“Hotch,” she breathed, her voice croaking more than she intended. “Hey.”

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

“No!” she answered quickly. “I was just heading up the stairs. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, you don’t need to worry,” he assured. “It’s just that Jack wanted to say goodnight and thank you.”

“Isn’t it a bit late for him to be up?” (Y/N) smiled. “I mean, it is still a school night.”

“I caved,” Hotch chuckled. She could hear the exhaustion still present in his voice, and all she wanted to do was help him. It was all she could do. To him, she’d always be just a friend, a coworker, his colleague’s daughter. “Please don’t hold it against me.”

“I could never,” the woman laughed. “I would have probably caved too.”

“Well, then, I’ll put you on.”

(Y/N) heard scuffling from the receiver before Jack’s voice came through. “Hi, (Y/N),” he said. “I wanted to say goodnight since we couldn’t say goodbye to you. I had a lot of fun this weekend.”

“Aw, buddy, I’m glad,” she cooed. “I loved having you over. You know you’re welcome any time.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)!” he beamed. “But I gotta go to bed now. I have school tomorrow. So, goodnight!”

“Good night, Jack,” she responded. “Now, why don’t you pass the phone back to your dad.”

“Alright. Bye bye!”

“Bye, Jack,” she chuckled. “I think that kid should be heading off to bed now, Hotch.”

“He is,” Hotchner answered. “I knew he’d want to after saying good night to you. I think my son likes you more than he likes me.”

“Oh, that’s nonsense, Hotch. He only likes that I’m all fun. But he loves you. Don’t ever doubt that.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he chuckled softly. “I’ve been saying that a lot lately.”

“Even when you don’t have to,” the woman sighed contentedly. “Now, go on. You have to sleep too. It’s not just Jack that is up past his bedtime.”

“Very funny, (Y/N). Good night.”

“Night, Hotch.”

(Y/N)’s chest wrenched as her heart accelerated, already wishing the days before could repeat themselves so she could wake and know that he was there. But there was no point in deluding herself. The man could not and would not ever see her as anything more than what she already was. Even their job would allow it. Nothing seemed to ever align for something between them to work.

She turned to the left once she reached the top of the stairs and headed to the guest room to leave the steaming mug for Spencer to find after his shower but found him already sitting on the bed drying his hair. “Was that Hotch on the phone?” She nodded in response. “You didn’t tell him about what’s going on with me, right?”

“Of course not, Spence,” she said in a low tone as she set the mug on the nightstand. “It’s not my information to divulge. Unless it becomes life-threatening, I won’t say a thing without your permission.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” she smiled, handing him the pills. “Anything.”

“What do you think these migraines could be?” The pain behind his eyes was more than visible, it was almost palpable. “I just… what if it’s something serious, (Y/N)?”

“Serious like what, Spence?”

“What if I’m starting to lose my mind?” His voice was frail, trembling at the terrifying thought. “You know, my mom…”

“Don’t go there, Spencer. You can’t go there,” the woman insisted. “We won’t speculate until you have an answer from the doctor. So, I’m begging you, don’t go there.”

“I can’t help it, (Y/N). Either there’s something seriously physically wrong with me, or it’s all psychosomatic. Neither is a good option.”

“I know, Spence. I know. But let’s just not jump to conclusions yet. Not until you’ve gone to the doctor, and we get some type of answer. Until then, I don’t want you to think of the worst-case scenario. It’s not gonna do you any good.”

“Fine,” he sighed as his shoulders slumped forward. “Can I ask you something else? Something that is so off-topic you’ll get whiplash.”

“Go ahead, Reid,” she chuckled softly.

“Do you still have feelings for Hotch?”

The question as innocent, no ill-will behind it. But it still made (Y/N)’s breath hitch in her throat. It had been a long time since any of the people they knew mentioned her less-than-secret infatuation with the unit chief, and it made her heart race like the first time he had confronted her about it. “Yeah,” she muttered. “It’s not something that’s going away any time soon.”

“Have you ever thought of dating someone else? It might help you get over him.”

“I might not be ready for that just yet,” she sighed. “I just can’t seem to stop holding onto hope.”

“I understand. Love… it’s hard, huh?”

“It’s one thing we can’t learn from all the books we read,” she smiled sadly. “But that’s enough talk. The pills should start to work soon, and you need to sleep.”

“Thanks, (Y/N),” he smiled as he got under the covers. “Thank you for caring.”

“You don’t need to thank me for that, Spence. Again, you’re family,” she grinned. “I’ll see you in the morning, alright?”

“Yeah. Good night.”

“Good night, Reid.”

The rest of the night, Spencer’s words floated in her head. She could open her dating pool and allow herself a little venture. Hotch wasn’t waiting for her, nor had he shown a smidge of real interest in her. Holding onto him only hurt her in the long run, making it harder for anyone else who wanted to take the place he did not want. But she couldn’t. Not now. Not just yet.

After a couple of days and a two-night case all the way in Miami, Spencer asked (Y/N) to accompany him to the doctor for the reading of his test results. He was jumpier than usual, his legs bouncing at a rapid speed as they waited for his name to be called. He figured with his fingers, picking at the skin on the corners until she placed her hand on top.

“You won’t have any skin left for our next case,” she chuckled. “Don’t start jumping to conclusions, Mr. Genius.”

“I can’t help it,” he worried. “It’s all I can do. I can’t just shut off my brain.”

“Then, tell me something. Something I might not know.”

“Easier said than done,” he snorted. “You know almost as much as I do.”

“Ah, you said almost as much. So, you believe there are things that you know that I don’t.”

“Okay,” he chuckled. “Did you know that rubber bands last longer if they’re kept in the fridge? The unusual, lightly cross-linked polymer structure of the rubber used to create them react to the cold differently to what people might expect…”

“Right, the chains heat up when stretched, technically shortening them causing the rubber to contract and eventually snapping at the exothermic change,” she mused. “Cooling them would allow for a bigger stretch and life longevity because the release of energy is slower. Nice fact.”

“See, it’s not as fun with you,” he said with a soft chuckle. “The team would have been asking why I would care about rubber bands. You? You go into a simple explanation of thermodynamics.”

“Well, I ask you for a fun fact. I never said I wouldn’t analyze it.”

As Spencer was about to retort, a nurse came out to call his name, telling him the doctor would see him. He got up onto his feet, smoothing down his pants and taking a steadying breath. But he didn’t seem to do more.

“Do you want me to go with you?” (Y/N) quickly offered.

She was met with a soft smile and a gentle nod before they both headed into the office where Spencer’s worst-case scenario unfolded. The doctor told him there was nothing he could see that was physically wrong with him, the scans and the lab work all came back negative. If there was something happening, it was most likely in his head.

Those were the news Spencer did not want. They terrified him, and he let the doctor know. In his own way. “It’s not—I’m not crazy.”

“Crazy? Dr. Reid, I’m not saying…”

“I have headaches. I have intense sensitivity to light. Because there’s something wrong with me,” he asserted, his words spilling out faster than he could hold them. “Physically, not mentally. It’s not that.”

“That?”

“Listen, doctor, my mother’s a paranoid schizophrenic who’s been institutionalized. So I know very well what mental illness looks like,” Spencer continued. “Maybe even better than you, and it’s not that. It’s not.”

“Reid,” (Y/N) called as the man got up from the exam table and left the doctor with a shocked expression on his face. “I am so sorry, doctor. This topic is just… it’s a little hard for him.”

“There’s not much you can do to help someone who doesn’t want to accept their reality,” the doctor sighed softly. “Can you just see that he finds a way to manage his stress and his emotions? I truly believe this might be one of the biggest reasons for these headaches.”

“I’ll try my best, doctor,” (Y/N) smiled. “Thank you for seeing him.”

“No problem.”

She found Spencer waiting for her in the hall, his sunglasses on his eyes and his arms crossed in front of his chest. They remained in silence until they reached her car, the doctor’s pout evident on his face. She knew he was annoyed she had apologized for his behavior, but she couldn’t leave without at least giving a reason for his outburst.

“It’s not psychosomatic,” he stated. “It just can’t be.”

“Spence, we have one of the most stressful jobs on the planet. Day in and day out we see cases that astound even the most seasoned officers. And we get into the minds of the people that commit these atrocities,” she offered. “Don’t you think there is a possibility that these migraines are your body’s way of telling you that you need to balance yourself out?”

“If it was really the job like you say, all of us would be getting these headaches,” he said angrily. “But I don’t see Morgan or Prentiss doubling over because their brain feels like it wants to escape their skull.”

“Everyone is different, Spence. And I know you don’t need me to tell you this. Stress presents itself differently in everyone. Just because we don’t know how they handle their burdens doesn’t mean they don’t have them,” (Y/N) continued, maintaining the same calm tone as she cooled him down. “All I am saying, Reid, is that it might be psychosomatic, and you need to find new ways to handle your stress because I am certain this is not you going crazy. Or it might be something else, and you’ll need to get a second opinion. But regardless of what the outcome is, you can’t just get angry at your doctor because you don’t like your results, and I’ll be with you every step of the way. We’ll find you a way through this, okay?”

His stance finally softened at her words. His arms fell to his sides, and a soft smile tugged at his lips. “I was kind of an ass back there,” he chuckled. “It’s just frustrating and terrifying all the same time, and I don’t know how to process it all.”

“We take it one day at a time, Reid,” she smiled, taking a hand of his in hers. “You’re not alone in this.”

“It’s sometimes hard to remember that you’re you get than me,” he snickered. “I’m pretty sure you’ve babied everyone on the team at some point.”

“What can I say?” she laughed. “I just wanna make sure every single one of you is okay.”

And that was one thing she knew she would do for as long as they would let her. For now, her main concern was Spencer’s well-being. And she was grateful that it was enough to keep Hotchner out of her head.

Next ->

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[talesfromthebacklog]

Tales From The Frontlog: Princess Peach Showtime.

7/10

Princess Peach Showtime is good. It’s a game I’m willing to bet will be overlooked in the sea of Mario titles that exist on the Switch. It’ll probably be even a bit pricey down the line. The smaller weird titles like this tend to do that.

The best way to describe this game is that it’s a game about a being magical girl who uses various transformations to help people. When you look hard enough almost all the tropes are there and that alone makes this worth a pickup. Because games that are so blatantly like that are rare.

But you really feel like it’s missing something that could’ve made it truly special. Which is weird because it does offer a very complete experience. I guess the best way to put it is it has trouble feeling like a “Mario” world title. And not because Mario is missing. Give me some credit.

I had a fantastic time playing, but we’re about the dissect what I think Princess Peach Showtime is missing.

Firstly I want to get aesthetic out of the way. Partially because there were a lot arguments online if Peach was “fem” enough. Which was peak stupidity. Peach is the fem of fems. It was insane this was even an argument. Also these outfits rocked.

But more importantly her game really lacked that Mario pop. Peach is fun, the premise is great, but you really could swap out Peach for a different magical girl and the premise/world still work. Peach just sells better. And she’s cute. Just look at her.

And I’m not complaining about the absence of most of the Mario cast. Characters as individuals should be able to shine on their own. Peach being the only main cast member used was a great decision. But you don’t feel like you’re in that high fantasy Mario environment. Even when away from the Mushroom Kingdom mario still has a very specific look to it.

Mario is high fantasy in its own way. I wanted to see that better reflected in Princess Peach Showtime. Every once in a while you do see glimpses, specifically in a Paper Mario way. Where the backgrounds are obviously set dressing, the horses have strings, some thorns were cardboard cut out, etc.

I think they needed to lean into this more. In a way I think the environment needed to be less immersive. I get that “there’s evil magic” but I think it should’ve looked a bit more hokey like real plays. Also put some people in the audience watching Peach rescue people. Have curtains close at the end of levels instead of it fading to white and then closing. You’re closing the curtain. You don’t need the fade to white. They’re small details that would’ve gone a long way to really increase the look. Maybe even bring some of the lighting in as part of the platforming where you’re running on the equipment and then reenter on a stage over.

It might be a useless complaint. I think this might’ve been more of a quick budget title for Nintendo at the end of a console life cycle, but don’t quote me on that.

There’s small aesthetic nitpicks I have too.

Like what the fuck is this? And they do this with the green and blue dresses too where they add this clashing purple. I’m not going to sit here and tell you she looks hideous. She doesn’t, but let us have a dress that is completely blue! And they don’t match the shoe color to any of the dresses fyi. Those stay her traditional red. I know that’s a nitpick, like a really small one, but it still… bothers me. I understand why they put it there. I just don’t care. Purple and yellow? And so lazily executed? Hmpf.

And she obviously looks better when everything matches to some degree. Look at that! Why did they restrict the color palette on the dress options so much. I get that pink is her color but… come on. The costumes are allowed to break the mold but the dresses aren’t?

Also just missed opportunity for some simple easter egg dresses. Especially since some of those challenges are tedious as all get out. I did all that to earn this ⬇️ and not something genuinely cool. Fucking ick. It’s not bad looking but not worth doing a frustrating to control challenge for. I’m not even asking for new dress models. But let us put her in a Daisy dress or something. I don’t know.

And the levels… are always fun on a first play through. But if you’re playing without a guide as a completionist you’ll need to run through them more than once because it is easy to miss stuff. And it can be more time consuming than it’s worth. And when you’re on a fourth attempt that shit gets old quick.

Don’t get it twisted though: this game is short, sweet, and regularly mixes up the gameplay to keep gamer’s on their toes. There are no costumes or game mechanics that overstay their welcome. Whenever I walked into a new stage I was uncertain what I would be walking into and the costumes are all equally fun in different ways. They do a good job balancing out the adventure and recreation costumes too. So you get a break from faster paced action by baking instead. Smart. My favorite is you get a magical girl transformation for each new costume you get and only for the first time you get it.

The transformations are fun. Plain and simple.

From a gameplay perspective I don’t actually have that many complaints. It’s not complicated by any means, nor is it hard. But it’s not meant to be those things. Princess Peach Showtime is just a fun cozy game getaway. Maybe even something you play in between other games.

Then there’s Madame Grape. I get what they were going for. They wanted a fruit villain because they have a “fruit” protagonist. (I think there is an homage to Dionysus as well.) But it’s just very eh. I don’t know how to fix that to make it less eh. I think it’s a core design problem. Additionally Madame Grape, despite being mentioned throughout the entire story, isn’t very important. She is a vessel for the plot to exist. Which isn’t inherently a bad thing, a lot of Nintendo villains fill this role, but she also has no iconic qualities to her either. She’s just kind’ve this purple blob that shows up from time to time. I do like that Nintendo didn’t use Bowser though. It keeps the game female centric. So that’s cool.

I can’t get over how she needs to look more grape themed. I know Peach doesn’t necessarily have Peach themes but like… you could’ve told me she was the fucking plum queen and I would’ve believed you. But I’m nitpicking again.

Stella the helper is… nothing. She exists as the vessel to make Peach a magical girl. Stella is the magical girl pet/wand/narrator for the adventure. She’s not bad. She’s just nothing.

The other NPCs (both friend and foe) fall into that Nintendo hole of being the same cardboard cutout person in different costumes over and over too. (At least they had different costumes…) Which is to be expected at this point, they’re just “not Toads”. And I know not every game can have a Mario Odyssey budget but I feel like we needed more visual variety within the NPC cast. Though this is an old ass complaint folks have had about Mario titles for a while so I’m not going to dwell on it too much.

Also while “stars” make sense the little “not toads” should’ve been fruit themed too. That way you could at least swap out multiple colors and call them different “fruits” if you wanted to be lazy about it.

I guess that’s the issue with the game in general. The only real character that has any semblance of personality is Peach. Everything and everyone else is just set dressing so Peach can perform for the player. it makes sense but it leaves the world feeling empty. And I’m not asking for lore. This is not that kind of game. I think I just want more substance. Which is hard to do when you’re boiling down tropes into a 3 act structure for each costume.

And I have a lot of nitpicks here. Almost like I dislike the game. Which was not the case at all. I had a grand time. The costumes are fun, it’s fun to play all the way through, and the levels in the game itself also doesn’t overstay its welcome. At max you’re looking at a 12 hour experience if you’re a completionist.

Under ten if you just want to play it.

Visually the game is beautiful. The music was nothing to write home about.

But. I think because it’s a short experience I’m disappointed it didn’t push itself harder to be high aesthetic. Games that are both genuinely good and girly are hard to find. Often “feminine focused” games like this just fucking suck. You can tell Nintendo cared about this project.

But I think to be an 8 or 9 experience it needed to push its visuals a bit harder.

[sepublic]

            Honestly, I just… Feel BAD for Belos at this point. He’s easily the most pitiable character in the entire show, Philip Wittebane has probably suffered more than anyone else, in a way that is 100% deserved, karmic, that he totally brought on himself and can’t blame anyone or anything else for. Belos has just been constantly wallowing in this cold bitterness for the vast majority of his existence, been defined by it; He’s like freaking Ebenezer Scrooge.

         Philip’s so lonely and desperate for validation that it’ll make him act stupid around Luz as he latches onto her for validation, even as poor Luz cringes because she does NOT want this guy, she didn’t ask for him, but at the same time she has to humor Philip’s pathetic delusions for the sake of everyone else. Thinking you’re better than everyone else, that they’re all lowly and subhuman, is inevitably an isolating experience.

         And like! He very easily COULD have companionship, he has an entire SOCIETY and its generations fawning at his feet. But he refuses it, because it doesn’t match Philip’s arbitrary criteria. It’s such a sad waste, really. He wants a playmate and best friend, but under a VERY specific set of circumstances, in his own way, and it’s just… As Eda said, you sometimes just gotta step out and make your own family with what you have, instead of waiting and expecting it; Even IF it’s technically destiny for Philip to have another human ‘friend’ show up.

         Is that part of his unhealthy obsession with Luz? She’s a human who helped him back when he was Philip, and even after centuries as Belos, she still didn’t fail to return to him after all that time and effort. It could’ve fed his delusions that Caleb would do the same. Belos is a manchild who misses and longs for his older brother to take care of him like before, and he’s throwing a tantrum over the loss. He wants a replacement, but on his own specific terms, because any other way would acknowledge that he can’t go back to the way things were, and isn’t that something we can all relate to? But even as he does everything to keep things the same or restore them, perform damage control, it just keeps getting worse.

         He’s so clearly insecure, needling Luz for approval and validation from a peer. He’s like playdough in the palm of her hands under the right circumstances, look at how she makes Philip feel self-conscious over his fit! He knows and suspects that the world has changed, he’s collected the human garbage over the years, no doubt as some twisted form of sentimentality. The false vision he gives the Coven Heads proves that he’s aware of modern architecture. But maybe that’s just a SURFACE-level change, right?

         He’s “How do you do fellow kids” but also to humans because he’s realizing he’s out of touch with THEM too, he’s become so lonely his monstrous form is symbolic, losing for himself what he sought for in others; So yet another thing he’s missed, a specific definition of humanity, is gone too. Belos wants to be told he’s still doing the “human” thing correctly even as he becomes something very much not.

         Philip just flips back and forth between so easily vulnerable in his desperation, to frighteningly dangerous and petulant when he doesn’t get what he wants after sacrificing and prostrating himself; It must be terrifying, being on the receiving end of someone who places so much faith and responsibility as a burden on your shoulders, the pressure! He really is like the Collector, more than he’d like to admit. And now that cursed mirror of his, reflected in a literal mirror, has taken everything from him; As did Luz, playing into Belos’ insecurities, it must be utterly humiliating. 

        All in a way he brought on himself, of course; He CHOSE to project onto poor Luz, convinced himself he was her Eda, her jaded older mentor who finds a kid to adopt and teach, even as she fills the emptiness in his heart left by his forsaken older sibling, lost to the wrong cause. She PLAYED him, how could Luz be so cruel, Philip feels so bad for his poor self and wants to curl up and cry! Eda sometimes acted a bit rash in wanting to impress Luz for her approval, but this…!

        It’s like he’s being punished for opening up, exposing his own soft spots in the process to someone he expects to be tender with, and then shuts himself up again once hurt; Because NEVER again, he just gets more and more embittered and cynical, more certain of the world as this cruel place that’s targeting HIM specifically. He rejects humans and thus his own humanity in the process. First Caleb, then the Grimwalkers, now Luz…

         And now, Philip’s back home, and it’s all changed, the original idyllic vision that he depended on. It’s all been for nothing. Philip has tortured himself with the transformations, the mutations, and it’s all for nothing. Everyone loves Halloween and witches now. His home is unrecognizable to himself, as is he. He’s gone from a human to a drop of green goop. He’s become the feared cryptid monster alluded to in bedtime stories, the one Caleb would’ve protected him from. Philip’s been through so much mourning and agony over Caleb, over his idyllic and nostalgic childhood. I can’t imagine the physical agony as Philip rebuilt himself, wanting to scream but not allowing himself to remain hidden.

         At this point, I HOPE he dies; Not because I’m sick of his character. But because it’d be a mercy killing. With all of his pain and agony and unsustainable wishes, with the childish and naïve certainty that he’s right, leaping at the chance to be told he’s right, the worn-down feeling over the years… For all my scorn, I also feel sympathy for the devil. He’s like Senator Armstrong, despicable but also legitimately hurt, he just wants this stupid world to make sense!

         I hope that in death, Philip Wittebane can finally find the peace he’s been searching for, the rest he’s agonized and longed for over lifetimes beyond what any human should endure, amidst the green, green grass of home. There just isn’t any other course for this sad, tormented soul, beyond some blissful ignorance and denial in his dying visions of Caleb accepting him in the afterlife, having made it to heaven after all thanks to Philip’s timely intervention, having been shown the light after all! He DID save Caleb, they can be together, are you proud of me Caleb…?

        I fucking LOVE villains with very human grief and loneliness who also totally brought this on themselves and are just so desperately deluded and isolated in their denial, in their futile coping by throwing themselves against this unsustainable idea, just the most PITIABLE and pathetic fucker ever. Still clinging because they’ll have nothing left if they let go. Philip is a sobbing child, kicking and screaming and burping because someone was mean to him, hurt his feelings and took his favorite toy away. 

        The world is always revolving around HIM and HIS comfort, so Pip can’t comprehend how anyone could be mean to him because he’s like the Main Character or something. He can’t understand that other people have their own lives and needs and wants outside of him, as Caleb did; It drives him MAD. He can’t keep living like this, with this shattered innocence and realization, and hopefully Philip won’t have to anymore. Not by living denial, because that clearly hasn’t worked across centuries of trial and error, chances; But with ignorant death. What a disturbing dude, not just to us but even himself.

        It’s funny. Philip convinced himself of a recognition of the self in the other (affectionate) in Luz, while desperately ignoring the recognition of the self in the other (derogatory) in the Collector, whom he’s spent more time with than anyone else. I suppose a kid who truly reminds himself of who he really is would be the worst, because seeing another Main Character like you just hammers in that you’re not THE Main Character if others are; You’re not special if others feel the same as you. Empathy is the worst idea ever to a racist colonizer, imagine.

[yangbbokari]

When Summer Comes To An End

Pairing: Felix x gn!Reader

Genre: Angst/fluff, high school!au, college!au, first love, friends to lovers to exes to strangers

Warnings! Language, slightly suggestive, tears, death, car crash

WC: 885 Summary: When summer ends, it reminds you of your sweet first love, Felix. You were young and foolish and let go of something you should have cherished. But now, you want to focus on what lies ahead of you instead of what haunts you from the past.

Author’s note: Well skl finna start soon and I was like, “y not?” so yeh. !!NOT PROOF READ!! Also, I am not implying that the said idol is behaves anything close to what is written here(more specifically the angsty part)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s that time of the year again. You know that it’ll come around as soon as summer starts. If you could go back, you’d do it all over again and you’d try your best to fix your mistakes. He was everything to you yet you let it all go. Maybe if that didn’t happen. Maybe if this didn’t happen. Maybe if…

It was your freshman year of highschool and you were new to town. Felix was the first to approach you with a bright smile on his face. He was a grade higher than you which meant he was a sophomore. At first, you wanted to keep to yourself but you couldn’t find it in yourself to refuse his kindness. So the two of you ended up becoming friends. You guys were similar in every way possible, except the fact that he was more extroverted. Felix was a warm ball of sunshine who radiated happiness. He easily made friends and just knew the right ways to make someone feel comfortable. You, however, kept quiet and if you really tried, you could become invisible to others eyes. You didn’t like interacting with people and when you did it was always extremely awkward. But, both of you loved to play games, especially Genshin Impact, and when the two of you weren’t playing games, you would put on some songs and let your bodies flow free.

Since he was your only friend, you were over at his house frequently. Plans usually started out as studying but would eventually just become a competition in Genshin and who could pass more levels. You knew Felix as well as he knew you because the both of you grew really close. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One day, when you guys were having a tickling match, Felix ended up on top of you, both breathless, his hands pinning yours beside your head, staring into each other's eyes. You felt your face heat up and your heartbeat accelerate. You could’ve sworn you saw his eyes flicker from your eyes, to your lips and back.

You gulp loudly. “Felix..?”, you pretty much squeak. “I-I-I think– Please don’t say anything.” Felix cuts you off. He leans down and hides his face in the crook of your neck. “I don’t want to wake up if this is a dream. I-I’m scared that you won’t feel the same way.”

“Felix…”

“Can you just reject me so I can move on? So I will stop having these delusions of us being more than friends.”

“...Felix…”“You're better than anything I could possibly wish for, Y/n. I just hope this is a dream because if it’s not then this is so embarrassing. I wish you could just like me back. Plea–”

“I do.”

“What?”

“I do love you, Lee Felix. More than whatever’s going on in that dream of yours.” You confess your love to him and he’s dumbfounded. He begins rambling again. “This must be a dream. There’s no way Y/n would actually say something like that. She’d never see me in that light–”

“FELIX!!”, you yell out his name. He lifts his head and stares at you in shock. You grab his face with both of your hands. “Focus on me and quit rambling. This isn’t a dream and I won’t reject you. Because I love you too. I’ll repeat it as many times as I have to. I love you, Felix. I love love love love love you. More than words can express.”

Felix takes in a shaky breath before letting out a relieved sigh. Suddenly you feel some tears fall onto you. You wipe his tears away, a little worried, until you see his smile. “Did I just move Lee Felix to tears?”, you tease. He looks back up at you with a pout. “Shut up.”

You had a sweet relationship with Felix. People around you called y'all lovebirds and claimed that you guys had such sappy puppy love. Both you and Felix denied it but we all knew the truth. The first few years were the best. Secret kisses, stolen glances, and hidden hickies. It was all until graduation came around. Everyone would think that that’s fine. Except it wasn’t because only Felix was graduating and you would be left alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I-I d-don’t want you to leave me. Y-you’re gonna go find some other girl and forget about me. You won’t remember how much I love you.” You cried into his arms on his graduation day. You didn’t want him to leave you behind. Felix soothed your hair and hushed you. He pulled you impossibly closer to his chest. “It’s ok sweetness. I actually have a surprise for you.” You looked up at him curiously. “Wh-what is it?”, you asked. He softly smiled, still holding you close and said, “I’m going to take a year off of school so that we can go to college together.” You just stared at him in disbelief. You couldn’t believe it. “W-what? Baby, you can’t do that. Even for me. You need to get your education.”

“Shh, shh, sweetness. I’m choosing this because I love you. I’m choosing this for us.”, he reassured you. “Okay?” You nodded your head and wiped your tears away. He hugged you even tighter and put his chin over your head. “You know…”, he started. “Hmm?”, you replied. “...you’re so cute when you act like that. ~I don’t want you to leave me~”, he imitated you.

You pushed him away with a pout. “You just ruined the mood.” All he could do was chuckle at your remark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you finally graduated, Felix was the first one there to congratulate you. You ran into his embrace as he picked you up and spun you around. He immediately peppered you in kisses. You giggle at his antics. “I’m so proud of you, sweetness. You know that?”

“Yes, yes, I know, Lixie. I love you so much.” You placed a small kiss on his nose. He smiled widely and let out a cheeky chuckle. “I’ll show you how much I love you tonight.” You slapped him on the arm as he headed toward the car his parents bought him a few weeks back. “FELIX!! STOP!! NO!! HELP!!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The shared apartment that you moved into with Felix seemed almost perfect for you guys. It took the both of y’all a full two weeks to finally finish moving in and another two to finish decorating and setting up. You guys were the definition of a perfect couple so when obstacles came, they were unexpected.

You were both busy with your own studies and on top of that, your part-time jobs. Y’all wanted to at least support yourselves in some way. The deal was that Felix would go out for groceries and you would cook. Then study sessions and movie nights on friday. But suddenly, Felix started falling behind but you brushed it off as him being stressed. A week became two. Then a month. Then three months. You became worried so you tried to check up on Felix.

“Hey, baby.”, you said when he arrived home. “Lixie? Sunshine? My love?” He continued to ignore you. “Baby come eat.”, you said, worried. “I’m not hungry.”, he grumbled. 

“You know that’s not healthy. At least have a bite.”

“I’m good.”

“Please, Lixie. Just a bite.”

He was slowly growing irritated. “I said I’m not hungry alright!”, he lashed out at you.

Your breath hitched in your throat. “Sorry, I was just worried.” You looked down at your hands.

“Well being sorry won’t change the fact that you’re being annoying!”, he yelled at you. You looked at him in shock. “What?” Your patience was growing thin. “I’ve had enough today! Now I have to come home and listen to your nagging ass. No one’s giving me a fucking break today!”

He rubbed his temples and sighed heavily. “What!?”, you asked a little more loudly. “WHAT THE FUCK Y/N!!! YOU HEARD ME ALREADY!! Just shut your FUCKING MOUTH and leave ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!” You couldn’t believe your ears. “Are you being serious right now? I’M FUCKING WORRIED BECAUSE YOU DON”T WANT TO EAT SUDDENLY AND NOW I’M GETTING THIS BULLSHIT!!! ME CARING FOR YOU IS WHAT YOU CALL NAGGING!?!? YOU KNOW WHAT!? FUCK YOU AND YOUR PROBLEMS!!” You stormed off angrily to your shared bedroom. “FUCK YOU TOO!!!”, you heard Felix yell back before the slam of the front door.

It was a good two hours before you finally calmed down and your tears stopped falling. You realized you never heard Felix come back home and it was already 8pm. You decided to step out of the room and wait for him on the sofa. But now you’ve been waiting for hours and it’s almost already 12am. He must’ve gone to his friend's house, is all you summed it up to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Early in the morning you woke up to the sound of your phone ringing. You rubbed your eyes and reached to grab your phone from the nightstand. Not even checking the I.D, you pick up.

“Hello?”, you say groggily. You checked the time and it was still two in the morning.

The other end replies, “Hello. Is this Ms. Y/n l/n?”

“Yes, this is.”

“You have been listed as the guardian and emergency contact of Mr. Felix Lee. We need you to immediately come to the hospital. There are some things to be discussed and–” You hang up on the caller and you get dressed as fast as possible.

You get to the hospital quickly and you rush to find where Felix was. God, you hoped he was okay. You managed to get some information on him but all it was, was that he was still in the ER. You began panicking as you frantically called his parents. You knew it was very very early morning but you needed them to know too. Just in case, is what you told yourself. But you also knew that you just didn’t want to face this alone. They quickly came and they were panicking just as much as you were.

Everytime a nurse or doctor came out, you rushed to their side asking about Felix’s condition. But all you got was, “We’re trying ma’am.” As soon as you saw the sign above the ER go off, you got up and went to the door. The doctor came out, taking his mask off his face. “S-so..?”, you asked, still afraid of his answer. The doctor looked at you with sympathy in his eyes. “I’m sorry for your loss.” You broke down in tears and you felt your knees going weak, dropping to the floor. Your tears saw no sign of stopping. You couldn’t believe it. Felix was gone, just like that. Your warm ball of sunshine was gone and and a-and it was because… it was because of you…

You scrambled to your feet and ran over to Mrs. Lee apologizing over and over and over. “I-It’s all my fault. I was arguing with him before he left a-and he must’ve drank because of the frustration I caused him. He crashed because he was angry at me. I was the reason for all of this.” Mrs. Lee consoled you saying that it wasn’t your fault and that what happens, happens.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been three years since the incident. You tried your best to move on but everything reminded you of him. Now the end of summer is arriving. But your summer truly ended three years ago. You walk to his grave and you place some irises down. Felix’s favorite flowers. “Hi, Felix. It’s me again. I hope you’re doing well. I love you. Always. Summer isn’t the same anymore.”

“You were my sun and I lost it. With no sun, there is no summer. Goodbye, my summer.”

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This is my first ff I've written and I would really like some feedback or tips to improve my writing. If you've found this and read, ty very much! (✿◕‿◕✿)

[hayffiebird]

Taste of Strawberries, chap. 40 (part two)

Author’s note: TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of eating disorder, suicidal ideations, animal cruelty and sexual assault.

Forgive me for any typos. I am really tired!

Hayffie Post-Mockingjay Multi-chapter, Rated M

Four years have passed since the end of the war when Effie returns in to Haymitch’s life once again. An old friendship is renewed. Will it lead to something more?

Meanwhile Panem has entered a new era. The rebellion’s over, the borders are open but in the shadows, anger and mistrust are smoldering. Something that will affect Haymitch and Effie’s life in a way they never saw coming.

Chapter 40

The writing on the wall (part two)

“When we graduated from the Academy,” Annabel continued her story, “Effie was dead-set on becoming a licensed architect. For years, that’s all she ever talked about. But her father contacted my father. Asked if he could pull a few strings. Recommend his daughter for an escort position. An outline district would be absolutely fine. And then they gave her the good news like a sort of … early birthday present. One she could not return without breaking their hearts.

I had no idea what I wanted. Most of the time I just longed back to our Academy days. Those years remain some of the happiest of my life. Before I met June. It was Effie and I against the world. I even got smitten for the first time. A girl in our year with wild, curly, jet black hair. And the school, while strict, was also my ticket out of Cordelia’s little kingdom, or so I thought.

All the Snow children were homeschooled. Like most of the prominent ultra-rich families. Especially the daughters, destined for marriage rather than higher studies. But my father was adamant. His girls wouldn’t sit and wait until someone proposed. We would get a proper, thorough tuition first and embark on a fine career of some sort. So, first the Academy – then the University, just like he once did.

Pallas and Apollo’s Academy were boarding schools back then. ‘Give them to us young and they are ours forever’ was the motto. So even though I’d still see Cordelia during each Games, I’d only ever leave the school’s stone walls for the occasional holiday. With me tucked away, I thought, some other girl would take my place and I’d fade from Cordelia’s memory.

After graduation I moved back home again. All of us children were expected to stay at the Flickermansion until we were properly married off.

Father was present and he wasn’t. He outsourced everything. Nannies to dress us, chefs to feed us, housekeepers to clean up our mess. I think I joined The Hypnotic Brass Ensemble – father’s house band, playing the trumpet because then at least I’d see him and not through a television screen.

He wasn’t a bad father. He loved us deeply. He just didn’t really have time to have five daughters. Especially after mother died. I believe he always tried to do what was best for us. But how can you really know what that is when you hardly ever see each other? Especially in a society that teaches you to push down every bad feeling that arises.

I had been home for just a couple of weeks when father summoned me to his office. Said he had some great news. I was betrothed.

‘Clearly you’ve made a good impression’, he said. ‘Cordelia asked for you herself. Her parents have blessed it. A fall wedding. How would you like that?”

I always knew I’d be married off eventually. To the daughter of a coal mining tycoon or maybe an award-winning up-and-coming director like Cressida. A match viewed as mutually beneficial for both families. But unlike many parents in the Capitol my father, our father, promised the five of us that we’d all have a say in who we got engaged to. He’d never sentence us to a forced marriage.

But in these matters he had no choice. And we both knew it. You didn’t say no to Snow.

‘This is the best thing that could’ve happened, Bee,” he said. ‘We couldn’t have hoped for a better match. The merging of the families … We’ll be related to the most powerful man in Panem.’

What he didn’t say, not in so many words, were the dangers of declining such a generous offer. If I so much as hesitated it would be questions. My wavering could set a ball rolling that we had no means to control.

After that, I was to spend all my Saturdays with Cordelia. At the mansion, closely chaperoned of course. All while the Snows and the Flickermans made arrangements for our three day wedding.”

She wet her lips, a vacant look in her eyes much like Effie when she shared a painful memory.

“I could never quite tell if she really was gay like me or just wanted something soft and submissive to use at her own fancy. Like the animals. Either way, I knew that once we were married she could beat me and enjoy me as she pleased and there was nothing I could do about it. Not without risking my family.

I didn’t know it then but looking back, I was clinically depressed by that point. Save those mandatory Saturdays I isolated myself from everyone, even Effie. Kept to the Flickermansion as much as possible. I’d counted calories on and off for years but it wasn’t until my engagement that the habit really escalated. Triggered an addition of sorts. I could control little else in my life but I could control what I ate. Or didn’t ate.

Weight loss is glorified in the Capitol. Praised no matter how you achieved it. People want to know your secret. Calls you morphling chic. But for me, it was never really about being thinner or looking a certain way. I doubt it ever really is, at the core if you have this disease.

First I thought I had control over it. This ‘weight journey’ of mine in lack of a better word. But once I reached my goal I started negotiate and bargain the finish line, pushed it further and further ahead. Because it was never really about the weight.

It was a system I built up, to protect myself from anxiety. To manage my feelings. It would just be me and anorexia sitting in a room and then it wouldn’t matter that I was alone and unhappy, facing a future I dreaded.

I had a hard time showing up for meals. To eat in front of people in general. I felt like everyone was watching me but if I missed too many dinners my sisters would ask questions.

So it became this destructive cycle of starving myself and then binge-eat as a response which triggered panic attacks so strong I went and drank Evermore drops to make myself vomit, only to tumble into a pit of self-loathing for wasting good food and so I was right back to not eating again.

And then there were still my Saturdays with Cordelia. For someone who apparently ‘asked for me herself’ she couldn’t care less about the wedding plans being made over our heads. We never really talked about it, but she spent more and more time with the animals and during the last weeks of her life she practically lived in the Asphodel Meadow.

It was really just another room, with the same twenty-foot-high walls but it had a force field, mimicking an open green plain, distant mountains and the wide blue sky.

Cordelia owned only one animal bigger than herself. A pony. I called her Boo for short and she was the fairest, mildest, most sweet-muzzled creature you ever saw. A cream colored, freckled Connemara who loved sugar. I always made sure to bring a few cubes in my dress pocket in the hopes that I might slip her some.

The Asphodel Meadow was an equestrian centre laid out with horse jumping obstacles and this is where she lived. Boo. I never got to ride her myself but I braided her mane, groomed her, cleaned her hooves. Minor things that bored Cordelia.

She was a fine rider. Had been on horseback since she was a toddler. She was supposed to always wear a helmet and never ride bareback but she hardly ever followed those rules.

One morning when I got there she was in a foul mood. I never did learn why but she took Boo out before she was saddled and ready. Didn’t care what anyone else had to say. Just grabbed the whip and swung herself onto the horse’s back.

I’d seen her hurt Boo before but never like that. She was livid. The people who worked the stable tried to rein her in but Cordelia ignored their every attempt. Furious, her and Boo soared over the jumping obstacles and either you got out of her way or you got run down.

Then something happened with the force field. To this day I don’t know what it was. If somewhere a fuse had blown or there was a power cut or someone simply turned it off but there was a sharp zapping sound and in an instant the Mind Flight was gone. Nothing left but the real ceiling, the high walls with no doors unlocked but the ones leading you back into the depths of the mansion.

The reaction from Cordelia was instantaneous. She shrieked with fury and slammed the whip down, harder and harder. Yelled at Boo to go faster. Punished her, I think, for everything wrong in her life. Whipped her bloody until I screamed at her to stop.

Finally crazed with pain and terror the horse bolted. The servants could not control her. Neither could Cordelia. She shouted at the mare but the animal was beyond reach. All the girl could do was drop the whip and clutch on to Boo’s mane. Grip her with her knees. She couldn’t even throw herself off at such sped without breaking bones, without being trampled.

Panicked, I watched it play out. Frozen like the first time she kissed me. And then Boo crashed into the vertical poles of a nearby obstacle. Cordelia flew forward and slammed into the ground, head-first.

The room was in an uproar. People running wild. Some for Boo, most of them for the young woman. All I did was stare at one of her boots, twitching with what little life still left in her. She’d broken her neck. By the time the doctor arrived she was already gone.

The next few days were a haze. I was in shock. Numb. Scared too. Scared over what might happen to my family. I know father called for an emergency meeting. A meeting we children had no part of, of course. It wasn’t hard to guess what the topic was. ‘What we will do if miss Cordelia’s death is blamed on Annabel’. As if any words or actions on our part would make the slightest difference if Snow decided to rain his fury down on us.

In the end, Cordelia’s fate was ruled a tragic accident. Capitol News made a glorious tribute about president Snow’s oldest daughter. ‘The free spirit and lover of animals. A fine rider heading toward a brilliant future when taken to young.’

I never forgot Snow’s face at the funeral. Hard-lined. Unsmiling. A white rose in his lapel. Very controlled and yet I couldn’t escape the feeling that on the inside he was dancing. Because a problem of his had been solved in an unexpected yet welcomed way. A bad leaf snipped off of an otherwise glorious rose.

And I lay awake at night wondering if I was much better. Wondered during those bleak, dark, sleepless hours if the real reason I did nothing when Cordelia died was because a part of me wanted her dead, wanted to be rid off her.

What kind of person was I for being more upset about Boo having to be put down than I was a dead girl. A girl probably feeling just as trapped and caged as I was, only more. If I could wave a wand and bring her back to life, would I? Would I really?

Not a week after the funeral, the citizens of the Capitol had already gotten on with their lives.

Not me.

I hadn’t seen Effie in ages. Hardly ever returned her calls. So when we finally did meet up at her place she noticed how much I’d changed physically, unlike my family who saw me every day. And I could pretend in front of my father and my sisters but not Effie. In the end, I told her everything.

About Cordelia. About my anxiety attacks. That I didn’t know how to eat normally anymore and that the only thing I could hope to achieve with my pathetic little existence was help continue Snow’s Games through my father’s name. All the things I never told a living soul. I could see how concerned she got. ‘I think we should talk to your father’, she said but I made her swear not to tell anyone. Not ever!

I already regretted opening up. Effie wanted to meet up again after that but I dodged her suggestions of when and where.

A week of this and my father took me aside again. Only this time, he came to me. For ten dreadful seconds I feared he’d announce another marriage candidate but that wasn’t it at all.

Effie Trinket had come to see him. Told him she was worried. Deeply worried. About me. That I seemed depressed. That I wasn’t eating.

I’ve never felt so betrayed. So deceived. I trusted her with my secrets and my darkness and she fed me to the wolves. The only real friend I thought I had in the Capitol.

So then our house doctor paid us a visit, I got my diagnosis and from that moment on everything changed.

Anorexia is a symptom of a larger problem but people thing the problem lies with the food. If only you start eating again you’ll be healthy and happy. So why aren’t you eating? Just eat!

So I started hiding my behavior – the sick ways in which I ate and it infected every ritual, every habit, surrounding food. Even with eyes on me, I hid parts of my meal in the napkin, smeared the gravy out across my plate, found ways to get my hands on Evermores and burned the bloody tissues in the open fireplace.

With each broken rule the grip on me grew tighter and tighter. My going to the dining hall was now mandatory. Breakfast, lunch and dinner, closely supervised by nurses employed by my father. And their obsessive-compulsive counting of calories only fed the existing problem, like petrol on a fire. I couldn’t use the bathroom without someone standing outside the door. They locked me in at night with guards at the door. Put bars on the windows so I couldn’t escape for a nocturnal run around the garden.

Ten days of this and I snapped. Completely. Called Effie. Screamed at her until my voice gave out. Told her I never wanted to see her again. That I’d never forgive her for doing this to me.

With Effie cut from my life, everything got even more unbearable. A month went by. Two. I was literally a prisoner at my father’s mansion. Like Cordelia. I don’t think my family trusted me outside those walls and they were right. There must have been questions about my empty chair in the house band but I guess father came up with an acceptable excuse. A secret passion project perhaps.

Finally, the hospital had to get involved. I was literally wasting away before my family’s eyes. Way beyond what even the Capitol considered attractive and still losing pound after pound.

This was the last resort. Executed in the biggest of secrecy. Father wanted as little bad publicity about me as possible after what happened with Cordelia. To protect me in his own way. I didn’t put up a fight. Was nothing I could do. Either I checked myself in to their psych ward voluntarily or I’d be committed against my will just the same.

My father never called. Never visited. Neither did my sisters. Looking back I believe they trusted that I was in good hands. That interfering would only hinder my progress. But at the time I felt nothing but utter and complete abandonment. That the outside world had finally forgotten me and wasn’t that what I always wanted?

Days passed. Weeks. Medicines. Therapy. Enteral nutrition pumped into my body. We were eight patients at my ward. Eight pale little ghosts floating around. Nurses and the occasional doctor filled the halls at all time. I didn’t care what they did to me. Didn’t care about anything anymore. Well, not quite. I was waiting. For my first day pass. One day outside those walls. Just an hour would do. So I could slip some garden rocks into my coat pockets and walk straight out into the River Theseus.

So outwardly, I co-operated. Did what they asked. Told them what they wanted to hear. But inside, I’d withdrawn so far into my numb little shell I might as well already be dead. The only thing that got me going during those first few weeks was visualizing the quiet, deep river. Over and over again.

But then, there came a letter. First and only time I ever got one at the ward. And I didn’t have to turn it over to know who sent it. I’d recognize that careful handwriting anywhere. The nurse who first brought it to me, stood with me as I read. Hours after I’d mustered up enough courage to do so.

Sweet Effie. It was as if all of my dark thoughts had somehow lit a beacon. A beacon so large she was able to see the smoke rising into the sky all the way from her apartment.

The nurses got a call through to her for me and an hour later she arrived in the little room for family and friends.

One look at her was all it took. Even after everything I said during that awful phone call months ago, her blue eyes held nothing but love and I completely fell apart. Her arms encircled me and I cried. More than cried. Wailed. Like a child sitting at the bottom of a well with no way to get up.

She helped me to the couch so my knees wouldn’t give out. Tears streamed down my face. I couldn’t even get any words out. Words of forgiveness, most of all. But I didn’t have to. She understood anyway. And she just held me. Caressed my back, my hair with quiet soothing sounds. Like I were a baby in her arms. She stayed with me for as long as she was allowed to. When they came to take me away and I started trembling she squeezed my hands and said, ‘Tomorrow.’

A fresh wave of pain filled Annabel’s eyes, but not for the reason Haymitch imagined.

“I didn’t know it then,” she said, “but she was already pregnant by that point. I was still on the inside when she gave birth to her boy, months later. We’ve never really talked about it since but I wonder sometimes. If I hadn’t ended our friendship when I did, right in the middle of her tender first time as escort in the Games … If I never said the things I did, would she have come to me instead of going to that party.”

“Not your fault,” said Haymitch. “Effie would never blame you. You want a culprit, that’s Kane.” And, with a heat behind it that made the hairs on his arms stand: “Sexual assault. That’s what it was. Doesn’t matter if he didn’t literally force himself onto her, it’s still fucking rape!”

He’d given it a lot of thought ever since Effie first told him and the more he did, the more he felt he wouldn’t mind jamming his knife into the man a couple of times. If they ever saw each other face to face.

Lucky for him he’s rotting in jail.

“I haven’t been there for Effie the way I should,” Annabel said, with a pain behind the words that he knew all too well. “It’s one of my deepest regrets. That I didn’t pay better attention. Listened to the things she wasn’t saying. The way you do. The way she did with me. I wish I’d spent more time with her. Especially after the war and my father’s trial. Instead I fled to District 11 every chance I got, first as a volunteer worker and then living here part-time.”

She drew a deep breath.

“But I am here now. She saved my life. She knew I didn’t want help. Knew I’d hate her for interfering . Knew I had the means to turn the Capitol against her if I wanted to. And she was fine with that. Fine with all of it. Because I would be alive to do it … Takes a pretty remarkable person,” she said, “to make a sacrifice like that.”

Haymitch nodded.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Yeah.”

“You’ve been through hell,” Annabel said. ”I know that. Worse than any of us can possibly imagine. I just told you all this because I want you to know I understand. What it’s like when the people you love most goes behind your back. Tries to make you do something you don’t want to do. She did the same to me.

But it wasn’t betrayal. It was love. She carried me on her back when I couldn’t go any further. Helped me get the help I needed to help myself.

And now she does the same to you. Carries you on her back. Carries Amy and Ian too. And she's strong, without a doubt. Stronger than most. But she's not made out of titanium. She won’t manage it forever. No one can.

Now, I’m not telling you to check yourself into a rehab facility. Maybe you can’t. And if you can’t you can’t. But if you want to do something for me, then I beg of you from the bottom of my heart: Don’t break her just because you cannot live without her.”

Author's note: Special thank you to my sweet, dear friend Sara for sharing her experiences of eating disorders with me to help with this chapter. She and Annabel are not the same person and they don’t share the same backstory but the things I got right about anorexia is 100 % thanks to Sara!

Also, as you might have noticed I've made a slight change in past chapters concerning Haymitch sleeping with other Capitol women when drunk.

In my defence, I included that headcanon in 2015 so it's been a minute but lately I've thought to myself: "Oh come on! Effie would NEVER let Haymitch do that when he's drunk and isn't thinking straight! Especially after what happened between her and Kane."

So I went and changed it soo that poor/lucky Haymitch only got to sleep with two women he really cared about.

[ashes-in-a-meadow]

okay so this is gonna have SPOILERS so yeah don’t read if you don’t want them also warning that this is lowkey long sorry abt that i just typed whatever came to mind🤷🏽

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okay so now that i’ve had a minute(and smoked some weed) i want to talk about lestat and what just clicked to me as the weed hit

okay so to start i want to make sure this is not read as apologizing or excusing what lestat did, i am simply explaining how i interpreted why he did what he did because this is not the time for lestat apologists to “uwu my baby didn’t mean it” this shit and if y’all do y’all weird asl…anyways on to my analysis(is that what this is??)

so my friend has said before she’s a very emotional person and when people hurt her feelings she’s said that she wants to physically hurt them the way they hurt her emotionally so they know how she feels and that immediately came to me as i was smoking and thought about how far lestat went when he was beating louis

to me it came off as, like my friend has said, he saw louis choosing claudia over him and then he desperately screams “louis!” and he lashed out on claudia for trying to take louis away, but then louis jumped on him and i think if we could’ve seen his face when it happened it would’ve been one of surprise and hurt that louis would do that right??

okay, so then he’s telling louis that he’s trying to hold back, but then he gives in and beats the shit out of him and idk it just came to as he was trying to hurt louis as much as he physically could to make louis feel like he felt emotionally

then when they flew up and lestat told louis to tell him that he’ll never love him and said that it would “make it easier”, he’s so used to people leaving him that he believes louis doesn’t love him and wants to hear it from his mouth so that he can “let him go” now do i think he would’ve actually killed louis?? nah, that man is down bad for louis, but do i think he would’ve let louis die?? yeah🤷🏽 he was so hurt and distraught that he would lose louis to claudia that he probably would’ve let it happen and then felt guilty about it later

also for everyone who thinks he doesn’t, louis does love lestat it’s fucking obvious but they don’t love the same way and that’s where the problem comes from between them, lestat fell in love with louis as soon as he met him but louis had been still learning to love lestat when claudia left and it doesn’t make it any better that they’re horrible at communicating their feelings with each other, louis doesn’t like being vulnerable and neither does lestat and they show it differently

louis will let himself get consumed by whatever is troubling him and lestat will try to do anything to ignore his problems, so basically a match made in hell cause they’re never going to learn how to love each other the right way if they don’t let themselves be vulnerable

also want to touch upon him and antoinette cause🤦🏽that mf never learns…i understand that he wanted sex or just non-sexual intimacy and he should’ve communicated that(ik his bitch ass would never) but cheating?? all of y’all that wanted to press “louis hooking up with jonah was worse cause he used to have feelings for him yadayadayada” can now pipe down and for the record it’s weird that y’all want to say what louis did was worse like lestat didn’t cheat on louis in his face in their house BEFORE proposing an open relationship🤦🏽 but whatever

and the trailer for the next ep?? they (i bet it was claudia tho) kicked lestat out😭😭 mf showing up with gifts😭bro ik that’s how you show you care but mf just COMMUNICATE AND APOLOGIZE PLEASE IM BEGGING THEM TO LEARN HOW TO FUCKING TALK TO EACH OTHER😭😭😭 *sighs* the whole ending of that ep was expected(i had got it spoiled a while ago) but at the same time it was a little more than what i was expecting but i understand the shock value part and the intention behind showing that not everything is rainbows and flowers for them(i mean it’s a vampire show where they kill people and has gore) just kinda wish that it didn’t leave me wanting someone to kill or beat the shit out of lestat😭

[afmis]

Inspired by my last post… the SONGS I’d pick for c!beeduo? SO GOOD ‼️ my c!beeduo playlist was literal genius guys

If I may share some… 😏

Friendly Neighborhood Poltergeist by Rory Webley-

I like to pretend Ghostboo never existed. But if c!beeduo had been portrayed well and cc!beeduo hadn’t been such PUSSIES ‼️ …ghostboo could’ve been SO good. Such a painful arc for them. Like a love triangle 🥰 but it’s two of the same person and their husband 💀 anyways 😭 this song always reminds me of ghostboo. How c!tubbo would’ve just ignored him in favor or missing c!ranboo. While ghostboo felt like he could’ve been better

Lovefool by The Cardigans-

A classic. Obv, after the burger arc. Where c!ranboo immediately jumps to conclusions. Tho I also feel like with the way c!tubbo was written in that arc… ya can’t blame c!ranboo 💀

Francis Forever by Mitski

Mitski is literally c!Tubbo’s artist. Her songs are literally like all in c!Tubbo’s pov. But this one I’d imagine is after c!ranboo’s death, and where he doesn’t know how to go on after

If You Leave by Orchestral Manoeuvres In The Dark

I kinda imagine, in my better canon ending. They kinda wistfully parted ways. I think this one captures that ending well (OFC in my ending they got back tg after)

It Will Rain by Bruno Mars

In my perspective, c!Tubbo was written HORRIBLY. I think bc cc!tubbo hated cc!ranboo he didn’t even try with c!beeduo’s relationship 💀 but I imagine, and I rlly wish he was written in this way, that c!Tubbo really did love c!Ranboo. He was just as smitten as canon c!Ranboo was with c!Tubbo. He just wasn’t great at expressing it, and he always thought c!Ranboo could do better. But he was secretly terrified of c!Ranboo leaving, and he didn’t want that. Ofc, “cuz there’ll be no sunshine if I lose you baby” and “if you walk away, everyday it’ll rain”. He would be devastated if c!Ranboo left, not uncaring like c!Tubbo was portrayed

Warning Sign by Coldplay

Like my last one says, I think c!Tubbo was very insecure when it came to c!Beeduo’s relationship. He 100% thought c!Ranboo deserved better and thought c!Ranboo would be better without him. So I think he would’ve let him go. I think this song would show that kinda misery that came with actually LOSING c!ranboo and not having them in his life. He’d be running into c!ranboo’s arms fr 😭

I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

I think in the fucked up canon where c!beeduo weren’t meant for each other in the end. They would come to the conclusion that being married wasn’t for the best. So this song would be c!Ranboo leaving bc they know they aren’t what c!Tubbo needs. C!Tubbo would need more than c!Ranboo. Hey, I never said I liked my perspective of canon c!beeduo 💀

The Exit by Conan Gray

Every time I hear this song I remember c!Beeduo and just cry. But I kinda imagine post burger arc, c!Ranboo is just heartbroken and c!Tubbo is unapathethic. They grow apart. c!Tubbo is happier away and living his life. Even months later, c!Ranboo is still left wondering what went wrong with their life and their family and trapped in the past. They haven’t healed, aka “feels like we had matching wounds, but mine’s still black and bruised and yours is perfectly fine”. They’re just sad and heartbroken 😿 c’mon c!tubbo

Save Your Tears by The Weeknd

Every since this song came out, I think around the divorce arc, I’ve immediately thought of c!beeduo. In c!Tubbo’s pov ofc. “You look so happy when I’m not with you. But then you saw me, caught you by surprise . A single teardrop falling from your eyes. I don’t know why I run away. I make you cry when I run away. You could’ve asked me why I broke your heart. You could’ve told me that you fell apart. But you walked past me like I wasn’t there. You just pretended that you didn’t care. “ and “Girl take me back cuz I wanna stay, save your tears for another- I realize that I’m much too late and you deserve someone better. “ I feel like this would either be present burger arc or post. Maybe both. c!Ranboo heartbroken and c!Tubbo realizing and wanting to fix things

Level of Concern by Twenty One Pilots

Present burger arc. “Cause I told you my level of concern, but you walked by like you never heard” I’m act not quite sure for which of them I picked this song for. Maybe c!Ranboo being worried during the whole like. c!Tubbo and c!Quackity partnering thing and c!Tubbo being oblivious/dismissing it. Or c!Tubbo being worried about them and c!Ranboo ignoring his questions due to being angry

Little Talks by Monsters and Men

I think this song fits the change from the happy-go-lucky honeymoon phase where everything is perfect, to the “uh-oh, something’s wrong” start of unraveling and distrust of their relationship. Obv, c!Tubbo is the one who is panicked and feeling unsure, while c!Ranboo is the one who is trying to comfort him

Christmas in June by AJR

This is just bc of the animatic I saw years agon💀 but I feel like it is fitting. GO WATCH THE ANIMATIC THO IT’S SO CUTE, I THINK IT’S CALLED CHRISTMAS IN JUNE. BEEDUO? ANIMATIC? IDK 😭 GO WATCH IT THO

Stray Italian Greyhound by Vienna Teng

This isn’t less of the divorce arc and more of just c!beeduo in general 😭 to where I’d imagine the canon where they wouldn’t end up enemies LMFAO. This song is SOOOOOO c!Tubbo, panicking bc he accepted he’d never have a happy ending and here comes warm, loving c!Ranboo to turn that around. So cute

When He Sees Me (a lot of artists, it’s from the Waitress musical 😭)

c!Tubbo fr. Post L’Manberg, logical and pessimistic c!Tubbo who doesn’t ever see himself finding love. But he does want to be loved and meet the one, he’s just scared because he doesn’t feel like anyone could love him

Love Like You (Steven Universe lol)

I’M SORRRYYY IK THIS ONE IS SO OVERDONE 💀 but this fits c!Tubbo so well. Sorry I love me some c!Tubbo study y’all. Once him and c!Ranboo get “platonically” married, become really close and they rlly start to love each other. c!Tubbo is like holy guacamole. He’s literally the most incredible and kind-hearted person he’s ever met and he’s just too good. Nothing like c!Tubbo. And he’s like what’s he doing with me 😿 (hence the whole “he deserves better I’m so emo” thing)

I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith

This song makes me so emotional it’s so beautiful 😭 but I’d like to imagine c!Beeduo as this beautiful, loving, completely smitten relationship. I feel like in the beginning, around like March-June 2021 where they’re like wow this is new I’m like secretly in love with my platonic husband (or after they finally makeout) and we’re staring into each other’s eyes and everything’s so perfect and I’m so happy. This song is what I imagine c!Beeduo’s relationship as. Completely in love, like a dream

Strawberry Blond by Mitski

(Back to the divorce arc again LOL) c!Tubbo being oblivious and happy with his new life selling… burgers. c!Ranboo just smiling through the pain like I’m SO happy for you *ugly sobbing* but he loves c!Tubbo too much so he’ll put up with whatever

Sally’s Song (Nightmare Before Christmas)

I watched this movie for the first time around the c!Beeduo divorce arc. Yeah ik 💀 but when I heard this song I was like HOOOOOOOO THIS IS THEM FR ‼️ naw bc like “I sense there’s something in the wind that feels like tragedy’s at hand. And though I’d like to stand by him, can’t shake this feeling that I have. The worst is just around the bend. And does he notice my feelings for him? When will he see how much he means to me? I think it’s not to be” LITERALLY the whole song is c!Ranboo I’m just not gonna copy and paste the entire thing 😭 in the canon I think c!Ranboo would be the one who’s aware that the burger arc can only lead to bad things, and c!Tubbo’s oblivious (HE WOULD NOT BE BUT 🙄). Alas, c!Ranboo doesn’t want to say anything and silently supporters c!Tubbo’s decision, knowing c!Tubbo is ignoring c!Ranboo’s feelings

I Love You So by The Walters

I would play this song on loop just thinking abt c!Beeduo back then 😭 and every time I hear it I’m like ah. The gays. “You’re saying I’m the one but it’s your actions that speak louder” c!Ranboo seeing c!Tubbo isn’t SHOWING that he loves c!Ranboo. “I’ve got to get away and let you go, I gotta get over… but I love you so” c!Ranboo knowing he needs to leave c!Tubbo but he loves him too much to leave. “I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul, cuz you were cruel and I’m a fool, so please let me go” c!Ranboo eventually building resentment and leaving

Happier by Olivia Rodrigo

“Oh, I hope you’re happy. But not like how you were with me. I’m selfish, I know. I can’t let you go. So find someone great, but don’t find no one better. I hope you’re happy, but don’t be happier. “ c!Ranboo would 100% be the bitter ex-wife who loves c!Tubbo but also wishes him the worst LOL. He’d be like “yeah we’re done and I don’t wanna be with you, I hope whoever you end up with or whatever you end up doing doesn’t make you happy”

Feeling Lonely by boy pablo

“Can’t help it, I just miss you. How did I lose you now again? “ c!Tubbo. After the burger arc, c!Ranboo is bitter, distances himself, starts spending less time in snowchester and with c!tubbo, talks to him less and less until he’s not even there anymore. c!Tubbo finally stops being oblivious and is like “pookie what happened 😕💔” and turns into actual devastation bc he’s actually sad that c!Ranboo’s gone and he lost him

Alr folks 😭 that’s it. I’ll link my sloppy, unfinished (and probably will never be finished) c!beeduo playlist if desired. Y’all can take a look if desired :) if you actually got this far, I commend you. But I probably would’ve as well 💀 I’m desperate for any ounce of c!beeduo I can get. LOVE YOU, BYE!

playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5BmmigtYA6GkOfFpaiFMda?si=uzocViyuRSyjK6scrJeKfA&pi=u-hU4qqT47SwqK

[starjxsung]

hi angel <3 how are you? pls don’t apologize for not answering sooner. i totally get it, even if you never answered me.

buuuuut i’m glad you did tho bc i have so many feelings about skz and the met gala.

but lolla first! i swear im terrified of not getting a good spot too. and ik that friday sold out so its going to be full af. if i find a good spot i shall summon you, though. i read @ a reddit forum that for hobipalooza the best way to get good spots was to befriend the people next to you and ask them to hold it whilst you go to the bathroom/get food.

i’m soooo glad you’ve watched when marnie was there!!! it’s too good to not be talked about at all!!! plsss lmk when you watch the boy & the heron.

i love love love your matching pc holder and care bear plushies😭 that is so cute and cunty. keep cunting up your purse forever. (also, your sis’s minho pc👀 i need it)

and the met gala! honestly they looked fantastic because they’re them and they’re gorgeous even in trash bags. lee know, love of my life, i cannot continue gatekeeping you </3 the looks were okay but underwhelming. i absolutely love fashion and met gala (even if i have my beef with it) really shows some designer’s creative sides. tommy hilfiger really failed the theme imo (as well as many other designers). i think felix was most on theme. he looked like a fairy. my most toxic trait is thinking i could’ve designed better outfits for them😪

and the paparazzi😡😡😡😡 i swear im so pissed at that. those comments were so out of line. i feel so bad for all of them, but especially chan & felix, as native english speakers who register the negative connotations faster. i’m so sad that we can’t have nice things here :(( it really sucks bc i want them to actually like coming to the us </3

but other than that, im so proud of them for literally making history at the met gala. i hope that if they go next year their outfits will be better and the atmosphere too.

i just saw a bit of hyune’s ig live and like i adore seeing people painting. we love art here but also like, ✨hands✨ he should choke me 🫶🏻

ily bb i hope you have a gr8 rest of the week✨

-🐈‍⬛

Hi angel!!!!!!!

Not us both reading up about hobipalooza on Reddit to prep for skzlolla LMAOOOO I am on Reddit like it’s a full time job I swear I’m simultaneously so excited but SOOO NERVOUSSSSS 😭 I’m just hoping I get to see them even the tiniest amount from whatever spot I get but I’m also way too scared of crowd crushing to camp out or anything !

Agreeeeed about their outfits! Apparently Tommy Hilfiger was the most talked about designer of the night (thanks to skz of course) so it’s unfortunate the outfits were a little underwhelming but they still looked fucking fantastic. I will NEVERRRR GET OVER FELIX….. he straight up looks like Legolas was pulled from lotr and put on the red carpet. The little braids in his hair too !!!!! I’m so glad they’re doing interesting things with his hair while it’s this long. Overall not my favorite red carpet looks of theirs but I am beyondddd proud of them 🫶

The whole paparazzi thing really ruined the whole fucking thing for me. The worst part is that skz are all over mainstream media right now and for something so negative! And the comments on all these news articles right now either saying they deserves it or comparing them to bts…… 😕 I honestly just want met week to stop being talked about because I am in emotional turmoil every time I see the video of the paps

I caught the tail end of Hyunjin’s live bc I was on a run and I needed to listen to music but GOSHHHH he is such a cutie and his art is phenomenal 😭 I love him sm (also Hyunjin’s hands are so fucking FIIIIINE why do I feel like he’s into getting choked in bed too)

Also cuntified my purse today w my favorite Jisung pc everrrrrrrr 👼💗💖💓💕💘✨ I love you bby I hope you have an amazing week !!!!

[raisengen]

I’m not usually someone who is good at questions like “what’s your favourite?” or “what’s the best?”. Different things have their own merits in their own ways, and it often feels reductive to try to rank things against each other. It’s rare for something to stand head and shoulders above the competition.

If you asked me what the best video game I’ve ever played was, I would be tempted to name something like Brothers – A Tale of Two Sons. A game that pushed what was possible to achieve artistically with video games, and gave a visceral experience that was only possible in the interactive medium.

But in the end, I think the game I’d nominate, the one that I’d preserve in a museum, the one that I’d launch into space, is Armored Core For Answer.

It’s not a game that challenges what it means to be a game. It’s one of the most video-game-y video games to ever video game. Discrete missions picked from a menu, letter grades and hard modes, sudden difficulty spikes, multiple endings and a minimalist plot.

It’s also really really good. At being a video game. At everything.

This isn’t some nostalgic veteran talking. ACFA is my first (and currently only) AC game. I picked it up last year on a blind recommendation and because I knew it had good music. On that front, I got my £4’s worth from the opening cinematic and title screen alone.

However, it wasn’t a genre I’m very familiar with, and I was initially sceptical of some of the gameplay. Why do I need so many different stats to tune?  Why offer so many different machine parts? Why not smooth things out, give a few plug-and-play options? So goes the conventional wisdom. But ACFA showed me that it was more than justified in its choices. It sold me on a fantasy I barely knew existed, to be Amuro Ray fine-tuning his Gundam and reviewing strategies to take down fearsome enemies. All those “redundant” stats? Turns out there would be times when I would want to tune all of them.

(Well, almost all of them. Still not 100% sure why I should build a mech that dodges further to the right than the left.)

Easily half of my gameplay time was spent trying to surpass the chapter 2 boss, White Glint. It wasn’t enough to just grind against the fight; I had to assess the challenge, and research how to prepare countermeasures. I built up experience and tuning points on other missions, I refined my anti-mech designs on the ladder matches. Determine enemy strengths and weaknesses, fine-tune my build to compensate.

While no other boss fight was such a cliff-face, they did repeatedly force me to rethink my strategies and expand my view of possibilities. I do like the Dark Souls games, but locking your investments in stats and upgrades sorely limits the ability to create bosses that make you completely rethink the game like that.  To realise you know how to fly.

I also gained a new understanding of what it can mean for a game to be “fast”. When both you and your enemies are this mobile, it can be a challenge to just keep the target on the screen. Too fast to rely on reactions, too variable to rely on memorisation. What I needed was prediction, anticipation. Estimate the enemy’s motions and attacks, understand how you’re moving through space relative to them, stagger your attacks to trap their dodges, land the sword strike because you guessed it was likely the enemy would be in range by the time you pressed the button.

Admittedly, it makes gameplay videos half-incomprehensible, because the camera’s shaking everywhere and half the battle’s going on inside the player’s head. But it’s a wonderful experience to be absorbed into the game so fully, and I hope that soon you won’t have to take my word for it.

I could continue to gush about the way the story and gameplay framing matches well with the player character being a mercenary, the construction of a bleak world in such an open way. Or how bazooka shotguns are the best thing ever. But I have to stop somewhere.

(I will say though... the battle UI could’ve been better. If you’re going to make me fight White Glint without any boss health bar or other visual/verbal clues as to their damage taken, the least you could’ve done is let me change the colour of the damage numbers so it wasn’t white-on-white and I would actually know if I shot the target. Grhmph.)

[queen-erika-the-songful]

Okay I actually really enjoyed The Little Mermaid (2023) Spoilers ahead!!

No like really I was smiling SO MUCH in the cinema!! I thought it was honestly great and I can’t wait to go see it again (this time on $5 Tuesday of course). I’ll try to list some of the things I can remember right now.

The Bad:

“Scuttlebutt” is not very good. I know it has fans but I did not like it; compared to the other new songs it felt so out of place.

Not enough screen time for the sisters. They’re so beautifully designed but they don’t get to do much. I mean, that’s the same in the original too, but I really thought they were going to have a bigger part in this with how much they’re in promo material. But I still loved all their unique designs

No “Part of Your World” finale reprise?? A crime. The instrumental was still great but I really wanted to hear everyone singing “Now we can walk / Now we can run” yada yada yada

Melissa McCarthy’s makeup was not it lmao. I mean it’s not too distracting when you’re watching I guess but she really should’ve had someone help her.

The Queen didn’t really get as much development as I would’ve liked, but then again she’s really there to add pressure to Eric, so it’s fine.

We needed more songs! TLM is a musical after all. I was happy for the new additions we got (since we didn’t get the Broadway songs) but I think we still could’ve used an extra or two. It sometimes felt like they were a bit apart. But I’m not set on this opinion; I need to see the movie again.

No victory dress??? NO VICTORY DRESS???

The Good

Did you guys see Triton’s design??? The iridescent armor??? Omg?? I just wanted to mention that

Also yes yes thank you they actually mentioned that Ariel’s mother was killed by humans which is why Triton tells Ariel to stay away. It’s sort of implied in the animated movie but it kinda felt relieving to have it be straight canon in this version.

Sebastian was just as humorous as before and I love how they animated him swimming just as his kind of crab would in real life.

I really liked the costumes and sets, especially in Eric’s kingdom. I wanted to jump into the film and explore it myself.

This might be unpopular opinion but I didn’t mind Ariel being the one to kill Ursula in the end. It reminded me of how she smashed Ursula’s necklace and destroyed her in the Broadway show.

The CGI was actually not bad underwater. Could’ve been a bit better, sure, but it’s not as bad as others are making it out to be. I could actually feel the movement of the characters as they swam!

Grimsby. That’s it. Just Grimsby. Him stepping on the engagement ring to hide it from “Vanessa”? Iconic.

Speaking of, damn Vanesa’s actress was great. She really said “Oh I have two minutes of screentime? Better make it count!”. Controversial maybe: I kinda liked her a bit more than McCarthy, which is wild because again she was onscreen for 2 minutes. She was just so unhinged and fun.

Speaking of, Melissa McCarthy was better than I feared. Her rendition of “Poor Unfortunate Souls” was actually pretty good. Can’t really remember other parts of her perfomance right now, so we’ll see how I fully feel after my new viewing.

The direct quote from the fairytale was nice. I just thought it was neat.

The “Kiss the Girl” band reprise at the end was so cute!! I’ve been listening to it a lot.

The Great

Halle was literally a perfect Ariel. I love being right. I knew she was gonna be great when I first heard her sing. And her acting was great too! She perfectly captured Ariel’s youth, curiosity, and excitement!! You could tell she knew her Ariel inside and out and looked like she was having a great time playing this role.

Jonah Hauer-King was also perfect!! Oh my god I adored his Eric!! He really nailed the romantic hero type and really matched his energy to Halle’s Ariel. And I like the little ways they expanded his character, like adding that he loves seafaring for the adventure and because he wants to help his kingdom not to get “left behind” by others.

Halle & Jonah’s chemistry made the whole movie for me. Their romance was so excellently done. They added so many little scenes to really sell them together and they worked!! For example, the first time the two spend time together after Eric lets her stay is just them pouring over Eric’s books and maps and things together. He teaches Ariel so many things, and she even shows him a few too! Oh and the way he holds her EVEN TIGHTER after she turns back into a mermaid??? Yes yes yes!! Protect your girl my dude!!

They canonized Ursula and Triton being siblings. Thank GOD because they were supposed to be in the first place. I’m so happy they brought that back!! (The Broadway show did it too btw). Inner peace...

Ariel running up to Ursula(Vanessa) and attacking her directly to get her voice back - holy shit I didn’t know I wanted that. Amazing. Heck yes.

I loved how they took so many “problems” people had with the animated movie (eyeroll) and said “Ok then watch this”. Ariel signed her name and that’s a “plot hole”? Okay, well now she paid with her blood and scale. You think Ariel’s side of the romance isn’t genuine because she’s chasing a kiss? Well, now Ursula makes her forget about needing it; so Ariel and Eric really do fall in love genuinely AND neither of them notice Sebastian and co singing “Kiss the Girl”. Eric only liked Ariel for her voice? Well here he goes two days later totally head over heels for Ariel, choosing not to pursue the voice anymore (both of which he did in the og btw) AND even when he finds the voice he DOUBTS his decision; only agreeing to marry her out of obligation! BAM!

Also I loved the way they made Ariel’s singing diegetic by telling us she has a “siren voice” mermaid power. She’s singing to Eric in that moment because she’s using her power to save him. I myself always found it a bit weird that her song was suddenly supposed to be happening in-universe in the animated film, even as a kid, so it was cool to see it get some proper justification beyond “well it’s a musical don’t think about it”. 

ARIEL AND ERIC’S NEW SONGS OH MY GOD. I think I love “Uncharted Waters” even more than “Her Voice” from the Broadway show, and “For the First Time” gave me that same giddiness I always get when singing “Beyond My Wildest Dreams”. I think Halle would’ve killed that for sure, but WOW I’m so happy she got a song written especially for her!! I’ve been humming both of them for days now

Going back to “Kiss the Girl” for a moment, I really adored that scene. It was clever to have Sebastian, Scuttle, Flounder, and the others blending their song into nature. Still doesn’t quite explain if Eric can actually hear them talking or not, but it’s a bit less distracting to me than in the animated film. And in addition, the couple looking at the stars and Ariel teaching Eric what her name is was so clever and cute!! “[Ariel] is a beautiful name...it’s written in the stars” Oh that ENDED me.

JODIE BENSON’S CAMEO WAS SO PERFECT. A symbolic passing of the torch via dinglehopper?? Loved it!!

I just...I’m so happy how this turned out. This felt like such a breath of fresh air compared to many of the other live-action retellings. I really did like it.

I may write more later after my second viewing; we’ll see.

[cheqorb]

envy in the air.

It’s rather insensitive of you to keep gushing about your admiration for another player, right when your beloved partner is sitting next to you.

featuring. isagi, rin, nagi

notes. short and kinda lazy. also confession: I do not get what people see in Rin which is why I don’t write for him that much (im not too sure on his character? is he ooc here?). sorry 😔

"—and the kick was just so fast! You could only really see it on the slowmo replay during the match stream. It was so cool! And his dyed hair is pretty awesome too," you squeal, but your excitement quickly dies down when you notice something strange. ISAGI, your normally very attentive boyfriend, is staring intently at his phone, seemingly ignoring you.

It’s odd by all meaning of the word — he’s never done that before. And he’s normally super happy when you get excited over the sport he loves too!

“Were you even listening to me?” you ask, a visible frown on your face.

No response.

What the- You pout, crawling closer and wrapping your arm around his. “Isagi?” you try again, and when that doesn’t work, you go for the dramatic, “Yoichi? Love of my life? My one and only soulmate until I die?”

Finally, Isagi responds, his voice calm and steady but tinged with what you’re sure is jealousy.

“Just what do you see in him anyway? Kaiser isn’t the best player in the world. And his hair? It looks uneven, like it was cut with a butcher’s knife if you saw it in person.” He then proceeds to describe every little nitpick he has about whoever Kaiser is.

“Oh, right…” you manage, trying to suppress a grin when you realise what’s happening.

Isagi is sulking.

Your Yoichi is sulking like a child.

You stay quiet for a moment, biting your lip to keep yourself from laughing. Then, you reposition yourself, wrapping your arms comfortably around his waist. You’ll play the comforting role if he’s getting this bothered over it. “Obviously, you’re still the best, Yoichi. The only person I’d ever cheer for.”

Isagi perks up a little at your praise. He tries to play it cool, but the way he nods with a bit too much enthusiasm gives him away.

You think you’ve become quite the expert at identifying RIN’s grumpy faces, each one indicates what particular mood he’s in (even if they all look the exact same). And when he walks in the room to watch a match with you, you notice his face scrunches up ever so slightly at the sight of the screen.

At first, you figured he was a bit upset that he couldn’t watch the first half of the match.

“Rin, you missed the best part! That, uh, midfielder,” you begin, struggling to remember the positions in football, “the one with the reddish magenta hair. He did this amazing pass to one of his teammates, it went over like half the pitch! It was…”

You trail off, seeing his expression shift from glaring daggers at the screen to a slightly softer look when he glances at you, though a hint of bitterness remains.

Guess their relationship is still a bit rocky.

Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to feign ignorance instead of outright complimenting Sae. You gently take his hand in yours, deciding this is the perfect moment for some affection. And by affection, you mean saying some of the cringiest love quotes you can think off the top of your head. “Of course, you’re much better than him though. You’re number one in my heart!” you declare, forming a heart with your hands for added emphasis.

Could’ve blown kisses too, but that’s a bit much, even for you.

Luckily, it’s enough to make Rin relax a little and sigh. Not an angry, frustrated sigh, it’s more like a sigh to calm himself down. “Thanks,” he mumbles, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards just a bit.

NAGI has his head in your lap as you watch a match on TV, and your eyes land on a certain player. You can’t quite describe the feeling you get from watching him; it's like…exhilarating? Like you’re in the match with him and can feel what he feels. And once the match finally ends, you’re left somewhat speechless.

“Seishiro, who was that number 11? Do you know him?” you ask. “His play seemed really amazing. Is he like a strategy type?”

He’s quiet for a minute, as if thinking about something, but you brush it off as him just being too focused on his phone. Y’know. The usual. “Why do you want to know?” he replies in his usual monotone voice.

“Just 'cause. Now tell me.”

Nagi purses his lips in a cute but annoying way in this scenario. His eyes slowly move away from yours in an almost out-of-character attempt to dodge the question. “…don’t feel like it.”

“C’mon, just tell me!” you whine, because while you understand that he’s lazy (and may or may not have even been paying attention to the match), he isn’t normally so standoffish. Not to you. “Pleaseee, I love you so very, very much, Seishiro. Answer-“

“Isagi,” he says with a noticeable huff, before going back to his game looking more disgruntled than before.

You really don’t know what he’s thinking sometimes, but decide to run your fingers through his hair. Something tells you giving Nagi some affection could help him get in a better mood.