#I do still encourage others to participate if they’d like to as always
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suave-hogan · 9 months ago
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erisweekofficial · 3 months ago
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Another week done! Tonight let's unwind by giving @ceoofyearning all our love 🧡
Check out her Mafia AU fic half algorithm, half deity! It's the perfet combo of smutty and angsty. We're taking notes over here!!
Read on to learn more about Mira's thought's on the Vanserras and what reality show Eris is participating in 👀
What drew you to Eris x OC as opposed to other Eris ships?
The main appeal of Eris x OC/Reader, for me at least, is the creative freedom. With an OC, I can explore different character dynamics and backstories without the constraint of lore or fan expectations. Also, I’m still new to the fandom, and I get a bit anxious about whether I’m interpreting the characters well. Character x OC is closer to my comfort zone and the immersive quality of these stories is a fun little bonus. But I’m also a fan of other ships with Eris, particularly Azris and Neris! I’d definitely love to write for these ships in the future.
How do you interpret Eris's relationships with his family?
There is still a lot we don’t know about Eris and much of his relationship with his family has been left as subtext. I’m definitely no expert and this is just my personal interpretation of their dynamic. I imagine living in that household is a constant balancing act. Beron has been cast in a cruel light, and I suspect he would be an even crueler father. He’s uncompromising, unforgiving, and the only traits he tolerates in his children are those that mirror his own. Eris resents him and fears him, but his father’s approval and being indispensable to Beron are necessary for continued survival. In a culture where sibling rivalry is encouraged and fratricide is expected, it would be near impossible for Eris to build a deep and meaningful relationship with his siblings. Whether they’ve inherited their father’s sadistic tendencies or are just reluctant participants, these siblings can never truly trust each other. They’re all in survival mode. I don’t believe that Eris would hurt any of his siblings unprovoked, but as the eldest living son and prospective heir, he has to maintain their respect - even if that means keeping them at arm's length and constantly keeping himself in check. Despite all that, I suspect Eris has a soft spot for his mother and Lucien. He would try to protect them in his subtle way.
What inspired you to tackle a Mafia AU featuring Eris?
I've always been a big fan of AUs since it gives us a chance to explore our favorite characters outside canon. I feel like Eris, with his cunning and moral ambiguity, would be fun to see in the dark and cutthroat world of a Mafia AU.
If you could cast Eris on a reality tv show, which one would it be and why?
I want to see Eris and Az or Eris and Nesta in The Amazing Race. They’d either beat everyone in record time or end up at each other's throats.
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twinsarekeepers · 2 years ago
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Let me preface this by saying, I’m a pre-med student who works in a psychology lab as a research assistant and has also worked in a doctor’s office with actual patients. A lot of my opinions about this ending are informed by that aspect of myself, but that does not mean I don’t understand the incredible weight and horror of Joel’s decision either. I am also a writer and the narrative of a parent’s love being that destructive is so compelling.
However, it’s not more important to me than making sure people know how egregiously terrible the Fireflies are. Because the logic that something can morally outweigh informed consent is what has led to some truly horrific, catastrophic events in our REAL human history. Henrietta Lacks, the Tuskegee study, and the CIA’s fake vaccination drive in Pakistan come to mind immediately for me. These are all events that I encourage everyone to learn about.
Putting all that aside for now, objectively, Jerry Anderson was stupid and wrong in every way possible. You never ever want to completely destroy the subject you are working on, ESPECIALLY if that is the only one you have. Because wtf are you going to do if your experiment doesn’t work? You killed the one source! Literally anything would’ve been better than KILLING ELLIE?? Killing her should be the very last resort after exhausting every other possible avenue, which they didn’t. (Before someone tells me that I need to suspend my disbelief … no. The whole show is rooted in realism and that this is a possibility SCIENTIFICALLY … so I’m going to think about it with my science brain, I’m sorry!)
Now onto the part that I know y’all are going to get your panties in a twist about, Ellie herself and her capacity to give consent. Which in my opinion, coming from someone whose literal job it is to get informed consent, she did not have.
Bodily autonomy and agency is obviously very important but you would never let your child run into oncoming traffic because “oh, it’s their body and I’d be violating their autonomy and agency if I physically held them back!!” Like no. That’s a child that doesn’t fully grasp what they are doing or what is going on around them so you as the adult must make the decision to not let them harm themselves.
Ellie is a slew of red flags to someone who would be searching for participants for an experiment. For one, Ellie is a child. Getting informed consent from a child is already hard because their brains are not developed enough to fully grasp and understand what they’d be agreeing to. Two, Ellie has gone through immense trauma and is suffering from the worst case of survivor’s guilt to possibly ever exist. She literally feels like the only way to compensate for her loss is to die. She is the definition of passively suicidal. The way I would rule her out of a study so fast and send her links to every helpline I know. And yes, I know that she can never actually get the help she needs. But in my opinion, she is not in any way able to give consent and Jerry and nurses should’ve been very aware of that.
So, the fact that the Fireflies are just medically inept, and on top of that, didn’t care to get consent, and even if they had, it wouldn’t matter because Ellie is not in a position to be making that kind of decision, makes them very, very wrong.
Does that make Joel right? No. Because Joel wasn’t thinking about any of that. He believed that the Fireflies knew what they were doing, that they had a shot at making a cure and he also knew what Ellie would want (again, she’s still not a position to give consent but JOEL DOESN’T KNOW THAT BECAUSE HE’S NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL) and he still chose to save Ellie over … the entire world. And then he lied to her about it.
(And the lie was to protect her emotionally because he knows she takes on so much blame and he doesn’t want to cause even MORE damage and pile on top of that insane survivor’s guilt … but lying to a teenager is never the way to go, they always know).
TLDR: it is very, very complicated!
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ficclique · 1 year ago
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REC EXCHANGE 2023
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Hello all! It’s that time of year again!
Here at Fic Clique we’re all about reading good stuff and sharing it with our friends. In this spirit, we host an annual exchange where we rec wonderful fics among our community.
Please note: Due to the nature of this event and the fact that explicit fics may be part of the exchange, you must be 18+ to participate.
How it works:
This will be our second year creating a community generated Tag Set that will then be used for Sign Ups. You can submit fandoms for the Tag Set here starting on October 18th! When signing up to participate, 2 of your fandoms will need to be from the Tag Set. 
Sign-ups will be hosted through a google form. The link will be available here and on our twitter when they open! We ask everyone to request 3-5 fandoms they’d like to receive recs for and 4-6 fandoms they can offer to give recs for. This year we are also allowing for more than 6 fandom offers if there are more fandoms you are well-read in and eager to offer recs for.
In addition to requesting and offering fandoms, you can also add in likes, dislikes, and do-not-wants (DNWs) into your requests. These will be passed along to the participant choosing fics for you. We ask that everyone take their recipient’s DNWs seriously, but since this is a relatively small and cozy exchange, we can’t guarantee that all of your likes and dislikes will be met.
Each rec-er must provide 3-5 recs total for their recipient. They can be from any of the requester’s fandoms (or multiple for the same fandom), but we hope this way there will be something new and exciting to read for everyone involved!
Additionally, if you’re open to receiving an extra “wild card” rec that doesn't fit within your fandom requests (but that your rec-er loves with their whole hearts and wants to scream about from the rooftops) please indicate so in your sign-up. If you are someone who values a certain trope or au over a specific fandom, you can emphasize wanting wild card recs in your “likes” section.
There is also a section on the sign-up form to indicate if you would like to be a pinch hitter. Pinch hitters will be notified no later than December 20th, and will be expected to pull the minimum 3 fics for their recipient. If you forget to add it in on your sign-up or decide afterwards that you would like to pinch hit, just email us at [email protected].
We’ll be checking in with everyone a bit before recs are due to see if everyone’s on the right track and still able to participate. If you have any questions or concerns reach out to us whenever throughout this process and we are always happy to assist. If you need to drop out of the exchange please just let us know as soon as possible so we can find someone else to fill in! 
If we do not hear from you in response to our check-ins or via another form of communication and have not received recs from you by December 18th, we will assume you are no longer interested in participating and will contact a pinch hitter in your place. Additionally, if you need an extension please contact us prior to December 18th and we will be happy to offer what we can.
The form for rec submissions will be sent out along with your assignments on December 1st and will also be posted here and on our twitter.
Timeline:
Oct 18th: Tag Set nominations open
Nov 1st: Tag Set nominations close 
Nov 6th: Sign ups open
Nov 23rd: Sign ups close (at midnight PST)
Dec 1st: Assignments go out
Dec 13th: Check in
Dec 18th: Recs due
Jan 1st: Recs go out!
Jan 5th: Complete doc of all the recs
FAQ:
Q: Can I request any fandom?
A: Yes & no. You must request two fandoms from our community generated Tag Set. The other three can be anything! You can also put “any” for one of those if you are open to receiving fics from absolutely any fandom.
Q: Is this exchange anonymous?
A: Yes & no. It is encouraged to keep things anonymous during the reccing process, but recs will not be anonymous when they are sent out, nor in the master doc.
Q: How do drop outs work?
A: We have a fairly informal drop out process. You can either reply back to one of our check-in emails letting us know you need to drop out, or contact us on your own at any time. Again, if you have not replied to any of our check-ins and we have not received recs from you by Dec 20th we will assume that you have dropped out.
Q: How do I get in touch with you?
A: The easiest ways are to either shoot us an email at [email protected] or DM us on twitter.
If you have questions please feel free to reach out to us here, on Twitter, in our discord, or by email at [email protected]
Happy reccing!!
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acciokaidanalenko · 1 year ago
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The Survivors
“Come on, LT, open the door!”
He could hear her, loud and clear. Every pound of her fist against the metal door, and every call of his name, echoed around the small hotel room. He had nowhere to run, there was no escaping the person on the other side of the door.
“I’m not going away. So you might as well let me in!”
With a defeated sigh, he removed the pillow he’d been using to muffle the sounds from atop his head and sat up, running his hands through his unkempt hair before shuffling reluctantly toward the door. He’d wondered if anyone would show up today, trying to encourage him to clean himself up and be presentable enough to participate in the… event. He’d hoped they’d understand his grief and leave him be. He should’ve known that, of all people, Ashley Williams was not going to let him take the easy way out.
The door slid open and he tried not to take offense at her shocked silence. He watched her eyes move up and down his body, taking notice of the stains on his clothes, his unshaven face, and his disheveled hair.
“I already told you, Ash, I’m not going,” Kaidan insisted before he turned and walked away. Ashley followed him into the room, a solemn grimace on her face. She remained silent as she looked around. Normally he kept his lodgings neat and tidy, but this room was a disaster. Take out boxes and empty beer bottles littered the room. He could feel the tension as she struggled not to say anything about either the state of the room or his appearance.
“You can’t miss it, LT. You know that,” Ashley said as Kaidan threw himself backwards onto the bed. It was small, but large enough he could sprawl out. One hand tucked under his head, almost reflexively. The other rested across his abdomen as his gaze focused on the ceiling above him. He let out a heavy sigh.
“Do you remember that mission where we landed on Agebinium in the Amazon System?” he asked after a moment of silence. His voice was distant. Ashley wasn’t sure where this was going. What did that have to do with today?
“Uh, yeah, the one where we found the guy responsible for the Blitz? He tried to blow us up, and Nat kinda lost her shit? Who could forget something like that?” Ashley responded as she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall, watching her friend closely.
“When we got back to the ship, and she’d recovered enough for Chakwas to release her, I went to talk to her. I was worried about her. She’d almost killed herself when she faced Haliat, and the thought of losing her scared the shit out of me,” he admitted softly. Ashley remained silent as he seemed to grapple for the point he was trying to make. “I told her she was lucky. I told her she was invincible, that she could survive anything. And I promised to always be there for her.”
“Kaidan…” Ashley sighed softly as she pushed away from the wall. She approached the bed where he lay sprawled out, still staring up at the ceiling. He propped himself up on his elbows and met her gaze pointedly.
“If you’re going to tell me I did everything I could’ve, you’re wrong. You weren’t there, Ash. I should’ve just thrown Joker in the escape pod myself, or gone with her to make sure she made it.”
“She gave you an order, and you followed it. You did the right thing, regardless of whatever else you could’ve done,” she said matter-of-factly. He clearly didn’t like her answer. He huffed and threw himself back onto the bed again, once again turning his eyes upward.
“When we met, I’d just lost my entire unit on Eden Prime. I’d faced Geth and Husks and I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it.” She moved to the side of the bed, prompting Kaidan to turn his gaze to her as she towered over him.
“Then, you guys showed up and I had hope again. That mission was hard, but we made it through.” She extended her hand toward him, ignoring the glare he offered in return.
“Then when we got back to the Citadel some Alliance psychologist wanted to talk to me. I was reluctant. Didn’t want to dig up that fresh trauma just yet, but she reminded me of something one of my squad mates once said to me.” Kaidan reluctantly took her hand and let her pull him up. He stood before her, completely vulnerable.
“Luck is for the lonely.”
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skepsiss · 2 years ago
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Join the Party - Steddie
AU Where Steve and Eddie have been friends since childhood and I guess no Upside Down shenanigans (yet?).
Some mild sexual language and mention on abuse in Eddie’s past. Probably like a 14A rating. Lots of Longing.
They had been friends forever. Through elementary school, to middle school, to high school–friends was a generous title even. Steve had met Eddie when they were children; when Eddie had short hair that sometimes got buzzed off instead of getting simply cut. When they didn't share a classroom but shared a school yard. 
Steve was aware, especially as an adult, that he had been a lonely child. That he had felt awkward and shy despite being good at sports. It wasn't that he couldn't talk to people, or that he didn't know how, it was more that he wanted to be noticed so badly he was scared he would be too much. His parents had always encouraged him to be quiet, to play by himself, to not bother them when they had people over. So Steve had learned how to melt into the background and never 'be too much.' 
Maybe that had been what had drawn him to Eddie in the first place. He was loud, and angry, and everything pointed towards him being 'too much.' Eddie didn't seem to care what people thought of him, even when he had fresh bruises on his arms and his hair would get buzzed off, making him almost unrecognisable. Steve had liked that, he had noticed and always stared when he heard Eddie laughing or shrieking with other children at recess. It was easier when grades mingled. When it wasn't seen as taboo to hang out with a kid a year younger than you.
So Steve had gone out on a limb and played with Eddie. Had paid him mind and asked to participate in the playground shrieking and laughing; and Eddie had said yes. They became fast friends and his parents had tolerated Eddie coming over after school for a while. Playdates and what not. Back when Steve knew his mother paid little attention to what went on around her house; as long as there wasn't a mess and the boys didn't disrupt her, she didn't care. Eddie had been welcome for a moment and Steve could recognise that a part of his mother felt maternal towards the younger. She'd click her tongue at dirty clothes, tell the boys to go swimming and then do a load of laundry. She'd make snacks when Steve was usually the one to help himself to food in the fridge when he was home alone. She'd portion it out so there was always too much to eat, as if she could see that this might be the last time Eddie ate that day. She hadn't come from money, not like Steve's dad, and she seemed to actually care. 
That all stopped when Eddie stayed for dinner before Steve went into middle school. His father meeting Eddie for the first time and tolerating him at his table. The following week ground-rules were established and Eddie didn't come over again after that. Steve had been encouraged to make new friends at school, especially since he wasn't going to be in elementary any longer.
Despite the distance, despite not seeing each other every day Steve kept in contact. He had his new friends, people his father approved of, and had them over, but Eddie was still the first person he went to see when he discovered porno magazines. Eddie was still the first person he talked to after he kissed a girl, after his first date and first break up. They just migrated to Eddie's trailer to hang out, and interacted very little at school. Eddie with his hair growing out and the bruises no longer on his skin, Eddie who started smoking out back of the school, and who skipped classes. Steve surrounded by preppy teens and school clubs, Steve on his way to every sports practise available so he didn't have to go home. They'd catch each other's eye in the hallway and Steve would half smile and look away. He hated that whenever that happened it lead to conversations about whether or not he was embarrassed by having Eddie as a friend. 
They had agreed, begrudgingly, that it wasn't worth it for both of them to be unpopular. For both of them to be picked on at school. Eddie had folded and smoked two cigarettes during the conversation, seeming listless and distant. Steve hadn't liked that. Steve didn't like remembering that Eddie had skipped a grade in middle school making them classmates properly. But by then Steve had already grown distant... had already decided that clubs, and sports, and girlfriends were where he was supposed to be. 
Steve invited Eddie to his house parties, but Eddie never came. They purposefully ran in different circles and Steve could feel himself ache when Eddie chose to hang out with his new friends over him. He'd sit in his too large house, looking at a too large TV and hang up the phone. Blown off, ignored, forgotten. 
But Eddie was still the first person Steve talked to after he had sex for the first time. He was still the one he confided in, and in turn, Steve was the first one Eddie talked to when he kissed a guy for the first time. It had shocked Steve and he could tell that Eddie had been testing him, watching him carefully as he had confessed before Steve eventually accepted. His reaction hadn't been one of disgust, or shame, instead... he had felt jealous. How he had never thought that kissing a guy had been an option, that his desires hadn't matched up with what was a possibility in his reality. And then he had been happy that Eddie had told him, that he had confided that in him. 
Their exploits mirrored each other; Steve's tame and proper compared to Eddie's wild nights out. And even though Steve listened he hated hearing about Eddie's hookups. How confident and proud they made Eddie when he offhandedly proclaimed that he had given his first blowjob the night before, or had sex with some guy in the ESSO parking lot. Steve had nodded and scolded, and told him to be safe. Eddie had blown him off the week after that, ignoring Steve's calls. Steve had broken up with his girlfriend. 
And that was how things went for the years. How when Steve got his car Eddie was the first person he drove to see and he hung out of Steve's window yelling at the night sky. How much joy there was in those interactions. How they had falling into habits and routines. Steve sharing his first joint with Eddie knowing full well he had done more drugs then Steve could ever count. But Eddie hadn't shamed him for that, and he had never offered any of those hits to Steve either. He cared, in some small way, but it hurt to watch Eddie not care about himself. 
They moved awkwardly around one another, meeting but never connecting fully. Eddie at some point stopped being able to meet Steve's eye when they talked. Fewer visits to the Munson trailer, and fewer conversations with Uncle Wayne that made sense. Steve felt like he was losing... like Eddie was slipping through his fingers. But Eddie had still begrudgingly agreed to go to the health clinic when Steve had pressed. He didn't reveal what had happened, but had confirmed that it wasn't that big of a deal. Steve still gave him the money for the medication that month and they didn't talk about it again. 
Steve was there when Eddie flunked grade twelve for the first time because of attendance, and Eddie was there when Steve thought Nancy was cheating on him. It had been messy and neither of them had seen the other so angry. Nancy hadn't been cheating, even though they broke up anyways, and Eddie signed up to retake some classes that summer so he could graduate next year. Steve had stopped being friends with Tommy, and as high school ended for him he realized more and more just how much he valued Eddie. He had kept him around for a reason, he had refused to let go of him for a reason... he just wished it had been during high school, not after. 
Eddie, through it all had been there. Even if he had been in the shadows and cursing under his breath, he had been there, and Steve missed seeing him every day after school and hanging out. It was obvious how they seemed to linger in each other's lives like ghosts. Haunting each other's actions; watching but never touching.
Secretly, quietly, through it all Steve had been thinking about Eddie. How, after the first time Eddie had confessed to kissing another guy, Steve had experimented in his mind. How he had tried to look at men in a way that would suggest attraction. It hadn't worked; no one at school was interesting and he hadn't gotten that spark the same way he had with girls. But Eddie, as he got more and more into Metal and Rock, played songs for Steve and inundated him with music, the more Steve felt that pull. How he decided that he could like a guy like Jon Bon Jovi, or David Bryan. How long hair and eyeliner didn't look so weird to him on guys. How his eyes flicked up to Eddie and how he grew his hair out and talked about getting handjobs in bar bathrooms. 
Eddie had his first real breakdown in the summer of 1985 and Steve had been over at his trailer in an instant. His dad had yelled at him for receiving phone calls so late at night, and Steve had left without with an explanation. Eddie was high or something, sobbing and cursing, unable to take it anymore. Steve wasn't even sure what the breakdown was about, not really, but Eddie had sobbed into his shoulder all night about how unlovable he was and Steve had held him. 
Unloveable? 
What about me? Steve had whispered in his mind. Unloveable? I love you. Steve had held him all night and the next morning Eddie had blamed it on a bad trip.
It didn't take long for old habits to pick back up and for Eddie to disappear for long stints. Despite the end of high school for Steve he had still never met Eddie's band mates; he had still never been invited to one of Eddie's shows. And when he asked point blank about it Eddie had waffled and excused it as 'not being his scene.' 
"You wouldn't like it." I want to go. 
"You're underage, it's easier for us to get in cause we're the band." I want to go. 
"You wouldn't like the crowd." I want to go. 
"Don't waste your time." I want to go. 
"I don't want you there." 
They had fought about it until Eddie admitted that the last thing he wanted was for Steve to mingle with dope fiends and chicks turning tricks. He thought Steve was naive. He thought Steve was vulnerable and he didn't give Steve a choice. It had taken a lot of convincing but Steve went to his first show. Eddie had played and Steve had watched from the back as sweat flew off of the singers. How Eddie moved on the stage and shared the mic with Jeff; how he had dipped and wove with his guitar, feeling the music. How no one else at this bar appreciated how he played. 
It was that night, after Steve drove Eddie home and Gareth took the van, that he told him. That Steve, holding the wheel of his car, parked by Eddie's trailer, told him that he thought he liked guys. How Eddie had sat in silence, looking at his lap for a long while. 
"Yeah, me too, join the party," Eddie had said with a laugh and Steve had stared at him. It was awkward and Steve waited for Eddie to get out. But he didn't so they sat there until Steve worked up the nerves to say the other part of his confession. 
"I think I like you." He had said into the interior of the dark cab. 
Eddie's posture didn't change, his head still hung as he stared at his hands in his lap. Eventually, quietly, Eddie lifted his head and Steve could see that his eyes were glassy. 
"Yeah, me too," he said, smiling weakly, "join the party."
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cartograffiti · 2 years ago
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Kinds of fan creation events and how they work!
Challenges, including calendars and bingo
This is the broadest event type. Many challenge types have distinct own names and format designs, but all involve a time limit and a theme. The best way to organize one is to pick a subject or format with a medium degree of specificity, like supporting characters or drabbles, but big fandoms can get more granular and still have a great turnout. I recently ran a 6-week challenge encouraging a fandom with a lot of new growth to “weird the tag,” and that was a blast!
One popular subtype is calendar challenges, mostly aimed at artists. These are classically daily prompts for a month, like Inktober and its many riffs, but some more narrow prompts like mermaids for Mermay have widely been reinterpreted to make a single, substantial piece during the right time. Bingo cards are also fun for all mediums, though they can be tricky to balance—whether you’re issuing everyone the same card or letting them be generated from a pool (like in Bad Things Happen Bingo), a funky distribution of difficulty can make a line hard to complete.
There are very few stumbling blocks in a challenge. If you don’t finish, you just try again another time! They’re also easy to run, as most of the work is preparation. They tend to be less social than many events, but that can be a blessing, and they’re very new creator-friendly.
Prompts, including timed events and kinkmemes
Timed events with prompts work a lot like challenges, but with works being submitted under a given prompt instead of simply responding to the general theme. Usually multiple people can fulfill the same prompt, and nobody is assigned to any particular one.
Sites with nested commenting, especially LiveJournal and Dreamwidth, work best for hosting prompt lists with no deadline or end date. People list prompts they’d like to see in the fandom, and when someone has posted a work fulfilling it, they reply directly to let OP know. These can be called promptmemes, but they’re more often called kinkmemes, even when not specifically sexual.
Bangs, including big bangs, mini bangs, and reverse bangs.
In a big bang, a group of writers submit summaries of a wip to the event mods, and the mods anonymize them for a group of artists to name their favorites. The mods match them into pairs so the writer-artist team can collaborate to complete an illustrated fic. Everything gets posted on a set day or period of days, so it’s like an explosion of new work (“bang!”)
Big bangs usually have word count minimums in 5 digits and sometimes ask artists to complete multiple pieces, while mini bangs do the same process with a lower minimum, usually a 4 digit number, and consistently ask artists for a single piece. Reverse bangs have artists create an artwork first, and then writers are paired with them to write an accompanying fic inspired by the piece.
All types of bang really shine for pulling together different corners of a fandom. In addition to introducing people who work in different mediums, because submissions for matching are anonymized and wips are kept secret until posting, there’s a leveling effect: big name fans and newcomers share the shine, and it’s hard to game the system to get paired with your friends. Most bangs make a chat group for co-working (Discord or elsewhere), so it’s easy to bond with other participants!
They’re a bit complex to run (matching is real work!), and deadlines matter a lot, since there’s at least one other person relying on you to finish. I’ve seen the bang format criticized for reminding participants of business transactions by emphasizing these timetables as a commitment. Good mods always frame it as fun, but if you don’t have a handle on how fast you work, or how to gauge the size of a new project idea, it’s easy to bite off more than you can chew.
Exchanges
These are often fic-for-fic or art-for-art, but many are mixed. In all exchanges, participants choose some tags (subjects they’re willing to offer), and some they’d like to receive. They then create a work for their assigned recipient, respecting wants and do not wants (DNW), and receive a work from the person assigned to them. These are almost always different people, but it’s common for people with shared interests to get assigned into “loops” (A wrote for B, B wrote for C, C drew for A) even when matching is done by Ao3 code.
Exchanges are really exciting since there are waves of anticipation—what have I been assigned? What did I get? Who wrote my fic, if authors were kept anonymous for a week? They work great for any size of group, and for multi-fandom or single-fandom events. The tags to choose from can be assembled by event mods, or submitted by interested folks and then approved, so it’s easy to see what directions people are interested in before you sign up, and solicit people to join you. Exchanges also have a strong culture of “treating,” writing additional fics for requests that caught your eye, or your friends, even if you didn’t formally sign up.
Like bangs, there’s a greater degree of commitment to finish on time because someone else is counting on you. Well-run bangs have rules about when you can default without penalty and let a “pinch-hitter” take over the assignment, how to get off the blacklist if you didn’t follow through, and what they’ll do if anyone doesn’t have a gift when the collection is meant to open. Sometimes exchanges that are having trouble finding a pinch-hitter for someone whose assigned gifter had to drop will delay reveals (“hold the collection hostage”). If you struggle with things not happening on time, stick to larger exchanges, since they’re less vulnerable to this.
Fandom parties
In a party, everyone is grouped into teams to make the greatest number of fanworks during the event. They usually run for a week, with broad daily prompts (like a character name, season number, or motif), and every work submitted is a point. These works must be put together, from beginning to submission, within the 24-hour period of the prompt.
The first time I did a party, it rewired my brain chemistry for the better, because it pushed me to let go of some perfectionist and self-critiquing habits. I’ve put out more fics I’m proud of ever since. Better still, the party culture emphasizes inclusion of fan creations beyond the big two: Gifs! Edits! AMVs/fanvids! Cosplay! Crochet! Filk songs!
The competition and short turn-around can be hard on those with a tendency to overwork or blame yourself if your team falls behind, so they require some self-awareness to stay fun. Parties often allow submissions to count for points without being publicly posted, which can help! (For example, you might submit an unpolished fic and post the revision later, or submit a cosplay despite not wanting your face on that blog.) My experience with team rivalries has only been low-stakes and appropriate, but it’s another unusual element to not be caught off guard by.
Jams
These are most popular with any kind of project or fan labor that involves the word “edit.” Video, gif, and screenshot editing; podfic recording; fandom wiki and resource brush-ups; sharing your wips around and leaving each other feedback.
They usually run between a few hours to a week, and often don’t carry any expectation of being done at the end. They’re more about making progress, camaraderie, and sharing techniques.
Zines and e-zines
This is the trendiest event format right now! They spun off the broader culture of zines: self-published arty magazines and short books, popular for sharing ideas in the diy, punk, and queer scenes as well as fandom spaces. Outside of fandom, they’re usually printed by the creator physically operating the machinery in limited runs. In fandom, they’re usually digital (e-zines), and when they’re physical, the organizers have usually paid a printer to do the run for them.
Unlike any other format on this list, fandom zines usually work on an application and approval process. Instead of signing up and being for sure in, the mods choose a selection of interested people to proceed with their pieces and be included in the zine. Unfortunately, this means the barrier to participate is higher, with big name fans and personal favorites or friends prioritized. I do like that they’re more art-forward than many formats, even often art-only, and it’s fun to be in a group exploring an interest or making a point together.
E-zines are often free, and physical zines almost never are. Either way, profits might be given to charity, donated to the creators of the canon (such as in the case of indie podcasts), or split among the contributors. Whether you’re applying or buying, read carefully about paid zines to make sure you’re comfortable with where it’s going, and know that there’s always risk involved. Scams and mismanagement do happen.
Auctions
Fandom auctions are charity events, raising money for organizations or sometimes the fandom’s own community members in need. Like parties, auctions put more than usual emphasis on fan edits, and also labor such as bookbinding, sensitivity reading, and proofreading.
Usually, participants donate their time by offering a small number of tasks and fandoms, and their resulting work is a gift in acknowledgement of bidders’ donations, with their preferences in mind. It’s a lot like exchanges, but instead of getting a gift back, the creator gets satisfaction from raising money for a good cause.
Like with paid zines, when there’s money involved, you need to read the details with care. It’s also easy to fall into the trap of thinking of bids as what your work is “worth” to people, and you really need to have a backlog of completed projects for bidders to see your style, so this is better attempted after you’ve been around the block a few times and feel confident in yourself.
Other games (masquerade, round robin, art rotations, exquisite corpses...)
A lot of other fun games are worth knowing about if you’re thinking about an event for a small or existing group! One I love the sound of is masquerades like this one, in which people disguise their styles and even imitate each other, and then have a round of guessing. Round robins involve sending a fic wip to a succession of people, who each write a suggested amount of words (usually in the hundreds) to further the story that’s there. Have people volunteer to be the beginning and end before you start! Art rotations aren’t actually a coined name, I’m inventing it on the spot. This is when a pair or trio of artists each do a different layer of a drawing (like one does lines, the other does colors, or a trio does pencils, inks, colors) so that they have the same number of finished collaborations as people in the team. Exquisite corpses are drawings, stories, or image sets where you only see what the previous person did (or a sliver of it) when adding your part.
~~~
I’m sure there are others I’ve overlooked, but hopefully this helps inspire you to look out for or organize some new events in your fandoms!
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datastate · 2 years ago
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this is such a small thing but it always wrecks me thinking about the russian roulette is just... if sara had killed anyone, there's no good way to cope with it. obviously it hurts me most to think abt her killing joe or kai, but the other two as well...
joe dies:
- that's one of her closest friends she's ever had. not so much so as ryoko, but still someone she's comfortable enough poking fun at and who knows about her stalker and who she hangs out with often after school (whether it's hanging out for karaoke or at the park or shared clubs or just walking her home...) & we already see how. poorly she deals with the guilt of feeling like she caused him pain (and eventually thinking she had hand in his *death*, even indirectly.)
- that last point hits because... in this case, she places the responsibility on herself to take on the gun (even if she's not at all confident) because she knows joe trusts her to succeed for him, for all of them. if he dies directly by her hand, it'd shatter her. she took this up for him, so he could trust her. and she failed him. utterly and completely.
- then everyone's reaction too... they're very. tense leading up until the end. (or if joe's the last target, sara might let herself collapse...)
keiji realizing he put too much pressure on her as well, probably still going to drag her forward - there's no time to mourn (...not like he really gave himself the chance to, in his own experience).
q-taro outraged, not necessarily with her, but with the game altogether; shocked at the full realization of seeing a dead body in front of all of them (he would be more forward about trying to lead the group certain directions, i'd imagine, and probably dislike keiji... maybe some of his own self-loathing for letting this happen depending on how he voted. it's irresponsible... how could they have done that? and now a kid is dead and another one's traumatized!)
maybe people expect kai to be 'i told you so'. to tell keiji (and perhaps q-taro) off. but... kai's deathly quiet. he lifts the gun from the scene. joe earned kai's own trust - the reason he wouldn't trail sara when he knew joe was there, the reason he could make the progress he did on the backdoor file, the person who meant so much to sara ever since she joined sonobeno... seeing her reaction, he can only expect as much. this was why he insisted she not handle the gun. he had faith in her, he always will, but it only takes one mistake, one lapse of judgement, for her to become a murderer. his sentiment stands: he'd rather she risk death than risk that fate. no, kai doesn't think less of her for it, certainly not, but even if they escape... she'll never be the same, and he mourns that. (and... yes. i do think he'd be frustrated with keiji's behavior. even in canon when this turns out well, i think he dislikes the pressure placed upon her when there are other adults around... and isn't that an issue, as well? kai was there, and yet he selfishly rescinded the chance to take the gun himself to keep his own conscience clear.)
and then all the other participants... they'd probably lock the blue room once the remaining four leave, but it'd cause such unease. two deaths that they know of, and they're both young kids. it's fucked.
kai dies:
- in this case, he dies without being able to clarify anything, not the data presented on the laptop, nor his own relationship with the chidouins as their guard... the participants aren't even given a chance to salvage his information
- not only that, he dies without being able to edit or extract the laptop data. no specific files pulled so the participants won't waste their time, no time to write the additional notes meant to encourage sara, the backdoor file may not be entirely finished, the laptop is easily accessible as a bargaining chip, his ID may be presented in the prize exchange if they think it's morbidly funny. just another tool, even in death, to stir unease...
- anyway, back to the present... he was the one fighting for sara to not take the burden upon herself. to the rest, he was right, and he died for it. but it's also much more personal than that too. even though she did end up as the candidate for the roulette, he still trusted her. not for a moment would he doubt her. with the gun to his forehead, he was calm and steady, never blinked or looked away, for he always held faith in the chidouins... he never wished to emburden them. he never wished for them to know the horrors written into him from such a young age. it would be bad enough for sara to have blood on her hands, but it leaves a bitter taste to think that it's his own death that'd be used against her in this...
- i also wonder what joe would do in this case... presumably, he knows kai was the 'stalker', but. sara's reaction would still be so visceral. it's not the time to tell her about this, is it? and even if he was a stalker, was it right for him to die? esp as/if more info comes to the surface... & depending on what joe heard since he wasn't as panicked as sara (though still reasonably afraid) when kai was so close + tried to warn them. aghhh...
keiji dies:
another person who, despite everything, put his faith in sara foremost. he was sketchy in his own right, sure, but he still made the first move to try to build the start of an alliance and get the group in order. and even if he killed someone before, he did seem torn up about it - wasn't that innocence enough? something to help her believe the better part of him? what he did wasn't intentional.. now she just wonders if this is how it felt... (additionally, joe would never be able to question keiji then abt his father's death... hm.)
q-taro dies:
similar reaction to keiji, where q-taro may have given it to sara (if he voted for her), but if he hadn't voted for her... then she'd feel like he's justified in that. she failed to uphold everyone's expectations. if they'd given it up to q-taro, if she wasn't so insistent with the other two backing her up, then he'd still be here. haunted by what they could've done differently... aghhh... oh this entire concept hurts.
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kwilooo · 9 months ago
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Laimingos Užgavėnės!!
To all of my Lithuanian peers out there, happy Užgavėnės!
Disclaimer: I do not live in Lithuania and have never taken part in a celebration in Lithuania. Not everything might be correct.
A small description and history:
Užgavėnės, Mardi Gras, and Fat Tuesday are all names of this holiday, which takes place seven weeks before Easter and the day before Ash Wednesday.
In Lithuania, it is essentially welcoming spring and celebrating the departure of winter. I believe it is of Pagan origin, as Lithuanians were pagan before the mass popularity of Christianity. (Correct me if I’m wrong)
As Lithuania was, and really still is, mainly farmland (of course there are still large cities like Vilnius, Kaunas, and Alytus), the arrival of spring was very important so they could plant their crops because obviously, things cannot really grow during the winter.
Some traditions:
One of my favorite traditions has to be burning the Morė, which is traditionally paraded through the streets before being lit on fire. Morė represents winter, and burning her is a sign of vanishing winter. Once lit, people walk around it and sing or chant. (It really looks insane from the outside)
Another tradition is for Kanapinis to fight Lašininis, with the first representing spring and the former, winter. Of course, spring always wins, as tradition, but it’s always fun to watch what pretty much ends up being a wrestling match.
Wearing masks: Lithuanians wear scary or disturbing masks to try and scare away winter. It’s not the most entertaining part of Užgavėnės, but it certainly is interesting.
The food!!!! On Užgavėnės, the most traditional you can get is to eat potato pancakes. A lot of the time and at city celebrations in Lithuania, there will be many people cooking the pancakes at the same time, so there is never a shortage! (They’re best with bacon and sour cream or just sour cream on top 🥰)
In general, people are encouraged to not work and to eat a lot. It’s called “fat Tuesday” for a reason :). We eat many potato pancakes and a lot of meat.
I’ve also noticed that receiving or making a necklace of Baronkos on a string is common, mainly in the US. I’ve never actually participated in an Užgavėnės celebration in Lithuania so there might be minor changes in what they do.
A popular drink, for a change, is Gira, or Kvass. It is a fermented rye bread drink that in my opinion tastes like beer in a way, but has very low alcohol content, meaning that it is non-alcoholic! I personally really enjoy it!
I hope that this brief overview of the holiday provided some information of Užgavėnės and its history, traditions, and customs. If anyone has any other information they’d like to share, please feel welcome to tell me!
I’d love to learn more from the perspectives of people who celebrate it in Lithuania too!!
Sources: (from briefly skimming the internet)
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northamptoncouplestherapy · 2 years ago
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My Experience with Men’s Groups
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I remember sitting in an old classroom the first time I attended a men’s group. Over the years, I’ve been a part of men’s groups across the country, and each has had a different flavor. I was part of a support group in South Carolina after a breakup. It was an odd experience led by a gruff former Marine and utility worker who was strongly influenced by 12-step work but without clinical credentials. Progress seemed to rely on participants’ breakdowns. My other experiences in the men’s group contained more clinical oversight. Some included strong religious components, some focused on modern masculinity and the overall shifts in roles we might feel. None were as welcoming, intellectual, supportive, and sometimes lighthearted as my previous experience in New England.
This particular group was a product of the men’s movement of the seventies, which aligned itself with feminism. We started each group with ground rules and meditation. We spoke about anonymity, non-violent language, non-judgment, and more traits conducive to group cohesion. Some of the men, most of whom were in their forties, fifties, and sixties, had been coming for years. Some, like me, were younger adults (twenties and thirties) looking for answers, especially concerning relationships. Many of the men had been through divorce and had children. Some were navigating decades-old marriages. Some were in new relationships, men asking themselves, how did I get into the same ambivalent position again? They dreamed of more distant relationships or at least more time for themselves. Some were stoic and denied regrets. Some only talked about how they mishandled previous relationships or repeated their mistakes. There were tears at times. There was anger at times and dismissiveness about the demands of wives and girlfriends. Still, we always encouraged speech free of criticism.
The facilitators were skilled, grounded, and boundaries. If participants used violent language or began to give advice (another established no-no), they’d calmly and carefully redirect. They occasionally met with some men outside of the group to help them with questions about their work, relationships, and life obstacles. They might do brief check-ins with those whose participation waned. They welcomed new members, and they wanted to grow their circle. They especially wanted men of younger generations to join.
Many of the men discussed subjects that brought up shame. Things like finances, emotional imbalance in their relationships, and ways men felt victimized, burdened, and overwhelmed by the roles and demands their partnerships put on them.
These included the ways their wives wanted to connect and limit the time they spent by themselves or with other men. You might classify much of these discussions as an attachment to a dying patriarchal notion of relationships, manhood, and emotionality. Still, to the men in those rooms, they were real, substantive, worth exploring, expressing, setting boundaries about. And the discussions amounted to heartfelt questions about roles, conflict, and communication.
What is reasonable?
What is expected?
How can I overcome my fear of weakness or the appearance of weakness?
What isn’t sustainable about the way I’m showing up?
How can I have a meaningful life when I take virtually no meaning from my work?
How do I put my past aside to benefit myself (and my loved ones’)?
Some of these questions reverberated with me, and I was in a place of discernment with my relationship. The group helped me understand myself through questions, bits of wisdom, and encouragement for deeper consideration. I was there to test the objectivity of my perspective, and I came to conclusions that led me to leave my years-long relationship and even pursue a different career. These pursuits were matters of time, but the men’s group gave me the clarity, empowerment, and self-kindness I lacked.
In my “new” field as a psychotherapist, I have led groups on mental health, self-care, suicidality, substance issues, mindfulness, boundaries, family dynamics, and more. Groups are my preferred way to work. I feel a commitment, investment, and deference to the group. You go in each time, not knowing what to expect. It is an authentic present-minded experience and one that offers you essential and hidden versions of humanity: its expansive emotional richness. Group dynamics conjure feelings, talk, creativity, introspection, support, and an expression like no other experience I’ve taken part in.
There is magic in the give and take within sessions as well as within the energetic fluctuations of one meeting. Relationships can be created, destroyed, or even reconciled. Tangents can be explored and denied, and sometimes conflicts arise, deflate, and arise again, but so does mutuality. And that is generally the point. We are there to humanize and normalize one another. The space allows us to go to new places with vulnerability and support. Sharing, listening, and being present are acts of giving. They are existential ballasts.
My experience (both personal and professional) now leads me to create Men Helping Men. A dynamic, straightforward group committed to exploring relational topics, such as vulnerability, communication, intention, shame, accepting influence, differentiation, and more common themes and mismatches within relationships. I will use what I’ve learned from group facilitation and participation as well as essential elements from the work of the Gottman Institute, Stan Tatkin, Brene Brown, Brent Atkinson, Esther Perel, Terry Real, and others.
Are you a man feeling stuck, disconnected, or frustrated in your life and relationships? Join Patrick’s upcoming group, Men Helping Men, HERE.
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dhampiravidi · 2 years ago
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in--somnium​:
It didn’t take much for Reid to take off, and Cassia couldn’t help but give a soft laugh at his enthusiasm. He must have been having a pretty great night, all things considered: a fun Halloween out with his friends, tons of candy, and a date lined up for tomorrow. She hoped that that date went really well for him. Reid could be a bit much, but he was sweet, playfully, totally deserving of a girlfriend who could keep up with him instead of making him feel like he had to bring his personality down a notch.
Tyler and Aaron followed a short distance behind him, and Cassia watched the ease with which their hands found each others. She wondered how long they’d been dating. They’d clearly been flirting for as long as she’d known them. She might not be able to pick up on the cues when they were directed at herself, but when it was between others, she thought she was pretty good at spotting that bit of romantic attraction (which was probably why she felt nearly certain that her boyfriend was harboring feelings for his best friend- but that was a conversation for another time). Aaron’s question was met with a soft sigh from Tyler, the look on his face showing that he felt a bit embarrassed. “Uh… not yet,” He answered honestly. “I was gonna wait until I had a second alone with him,” So that if Caleb got upset about it there wouldn’t be a scene. And, more importantly, so that his friend wouldn’t feel like he was obligated to say yes just because he didn’t want the girls getting upset with him. “I kind of… asked Cass to casually bring it up with him, though. I thought it would give him time to think about it before I actually asked,” He paused for a second, glanced over his shoulder at the other two couples, eyes finding Cass’s. She gave him a smile, one he returned before looking back at his boyfriend. He was hoping she’d mentioned it to Caleb already, or, at least, that she was planning to do so soon. That smile had been encouraging, though. “I’ll ask him later, maybe before the corn maze.” Which was usually their last stop for the night and, hopefully, that meant Caleb would have had plenty of time to keep an eye on Aaron and consider giving him a chance.
Pogue wasn’t necessarily excited about the haunted house- it was fun, sure, but he’d done it every year (even participated once in high school). It wasn’t his favorite part of the night just… another stop along the way. But he’d kind of looked forward to having an arm around Jayn while they walked through it, feeling her press up against him when she got spooked, letting her hide against his shoulder. All that cute stuff. So he was slightly disappointed when she decided not to come along. “Ya sure?” He asked, stopping with her for a second. He absolutely wasn’t going to pressure her into going inside. He knew that this wasn’t really something she’d been looking forward to and he could understand why she’d be concerned about it. But the least he could do was wait outside with her. Maybe they could even find something else to do for a few minutes? Or just find a dark little corner somewhere and steal kisses until the others emerged. But he also didn’t want to insist that they spent every second of the night together if she was just looking for a moment apart from the group to call her parents. The haunted house didn’t usually take very long. 5 minutes, give or take, even counting the short wait to get in. Should he go like she’d insisted? Or should he push to stick here with her? He felt like he was taking a test he hadn’t studied for. It didn’t help that Kate had had a tendency to not always say what she meant. If she’d told him to go without her and he had, she would have been mad that he hadn’t ditched his friends for her. While he knew Jane certainly wasn’t Kate, that immediate kind of reaction was still embedded in him from his past relationship (and maybe a little from the way his parents treated him, too). “I can stay back with you, if you want. I don’t mind. It’s kinda the same every year,” That wasn’t really entirely true- they tried to switch it up and they were usually pretty good at it, too. But he wouldn’t mind missing it to spend time with her alone, instead. But if she insisted, again, that he go with the others, he’d give her her few minutes to herself (and hope like hell he made the right choice).
At the back of the pack followed Caleb and Cassia. Cass was keeping an eye on everyone, even if it wasn’t entirely intentional. Reid way up ahead, already getting in line. Ty bringing Aaron’s hand to his lips for a kiss as they walked with their fingers laced. Pogue and Jayn pausing (an action that made her hold her breath for a second, concerned that they might be getting into a fight or something before Jayn kissed Pogue and Cass felt she could relax again). Apparently, Jayn had chosen to sit this one out. She couldn’t blame the younger girl- haunted houses could be kinda scary and she was sure a place like Ipswich took it pretty seriously. Then her eyes drifted from her friends to the other people walking around. A man on stilts in a strange, monstrous, costume passed by a fair distance to the left, catching her eyes, her lips parted in a soft, nearly silent “wow”. Then a pretty blonde girl in a purple witch costume caught her eyes- thick legs, ample chest, glitter accents on her face, more in her hair.
But even with so many other people running around, catching her attention with their costumes, it was Caleb who held it. Tall. Handsome. Sweet. If it wouldn’t mess up their makeup, she would have stolen a dozen kisses from him already tonight. His question was met with a smirk, and Cass gently nudged him back. “Much better than you’d expect,” By which she meant she was very good with scary movies. They weren’t necessarily her preference, but she liked a good scare. “So, ya know, don’t worry if you get scared. I’ll protect you,” She joked, that smirk turning into a playful grin. Of course, it’s not like there was actually anything to be protected against in a place like this- it was just people in costumes, playing roles, trying to get a scream out of you. But in the off chance that anything ever did happen? Well, she knew Caleb was the kinda guy who’d rush to protect her… but she was far more capable of protecting herself than he knew. It was a far off thing to worry about but… she was kind of dreading the fact that she might someday have to tell him about her magic. Her parents had really lucked out in finding each other, she thought, because when the topic came up well, they were both magic wielders of a sort and it must have been sooooo much easier to talk about knowing that they were in similar positions.
Cass furrowed her brows in curiosity when Reid circled around behind herself and Caleb, but she didn’t question it. She figured he must have had a reason- maybe it was to try to prank Caleb when they got inside? Or maybe it was just his way of herding the group together? Then she heard the crinkle of a candy wrapper and she understood what was happening. She glanced over her shoulder at him, quirked an eyebrow in amusement. Then she pressed a finger to her lips and winked at him to let him know she had no intention of tattling on him- it was their secret. Of course, being sick in the morning from a candy coma wouldn’t be ideal considering he had a date… but if he wanted to sneak a few pieces of candy while they were in line? Well, that would be fine, right?
Aaron wasn’t too put off by the fact that Tyler hadn’t asked Caleb about the two of them staying the night as a couple. If anything, he thought it was smart of his boyfriend to have Cassia start the conversation. He had a feeling that Cassia (and Jayn plus a very surprisingly accepting Reid) was pretty much the reason for Caleb letting him join the group for trick o’ treating in the first place. Aaron mirrored the friendly smile that Tyler gave her when she turned around. DND sessions would definitely be a little more interesting, now that their whole gaming club would know about the couple in their midst. 
“Thanks,” Aaron told Tyler, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, “And thanks for introducing me to your friends. It means a lot.” Tyler was the first guy he’d dated. Aaron was just happy that things were going as well as they had so far. Maybe he’d sneak Ty a couple of grateful kisses in the corn maze since it would be easy for them to find a lone corner in the jungle of stalks and scarecrows. At least he could get a little cuddly with him then if it turned out that Caleb didn’t want Aaron coming home with all of them.
Jayn studied Pogue’s face for a few seconds. She was very new to the whole relationship thing, and she’d heard a lot about how her boyfriend’s last relationship had suffered from miscommunication. She wanted to say the right thing, but she also wanted to make sure that her desires and his were always both respected. When he asked, “You sure?”, that could be him implicitly asking her to come inside the haunted house with him, because he’d do his best to make her feel comfortable. He was sweet, so that made sense. Then again, he could be telling her that he was fine with whatever she decided--after all, they’d talked about how she felt concerning scary things earlier. Jayn didn’t feel like overthinking it any more than she already had, so she gave him a choice.
“You can go inside with the others. But if you stay with me...you could say hi to my parents if you want. It’s only a couple minutes.” She was trying to imply that her parents couldn’t possibly interrogate Pogue in the space of five minutes (especially since they knew she wanted to enjoy her favorite holiday with her new friends). Jayn had already told both of her folks that she was dating a gorgeous, kind, funny, adorable, tall guy who happened to be a witch. They hadn’t asked to meet him yet, but they hadn’t not asked to meet him, either. If anything, they asked about Pogue whenever they talked to her on the phone. “My dad likes that you’re a mechanic and that you’re great at physics. He’s a science guy...dunno if I told you that before.” Okay, maybe she did want him to stay and talk to her parents. She shuffled her weight from one foot to the other, waiting for Pogue to choose what he wanted to do. She wasn’t pressuring him into anything. Was she?
Every time Caleb looked at Cassia, he fell a little bit more in love with her, as cliche as it sounded. She was so transfixed and amazed by everything Ipswich’s Halloween had to offer that there was this glint in her eyes: lighthearted joy mixed with some kind of mischievous delight. It was no wonder that everyone liked her the moment they met her. And she loved everyone in their small squad, looking to make sure each person was enjoying themselves. The moment she turned her attention to him, a giant smile found itself on his face. Her smirk took him back to when they’d been alone on his couch, her pressing her soft lips to his bicep. Caleb was typically someone who took things slow and then reserved the PDA for more private moments, but when she looked at him like that...he thought of becoming a different kind of person. Cassia made him crazy.
He laughed out loud when she said she’d protect him if he got scared. It actually had nothing to do with the fact that he was a witch with a whole foot of height on her, and everything to do with him not anticipating that response for some reason. 
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he replied, winking at her. She was sweet, and yet he wouldn’t put it past her to stick up for him if something went down. Cassia wasn’t some damsel in distress, who expected to be comforted and cared for at every turn. Maybe that was another reason why he liked her. 
She turned around and, on instinct, he followed her gaze to catch Reid inhaling a lollipop. Caleb merely sighed. Back in the day, he had tried to monitor his friend’s Halloween candy intake, since Reid was no stranger to the November 1st stomachache. But they were all in college now. As much as he had the usual urge to parent his friends, Caleb held back. 
“Would you be free to go out next weekend?” he asked Cass. He was already expecting her to say no since he vaguely remembered Pogue mentioning dreading some History project that he and Cassia would soon be assigned. Caleb just didn’t want her to think that he was stalling because he hadn’t been trying to commit for a while. Obviously, they both had feelings for each other, but they still hadn’t been on an actual date. 
Reid was busy crunching on his pineapple treat, so lost in the excitement of the night that he didn’t even notice a familiar malevolent face watching him from far away. 
“Hey, move up!” he mumbled to Cassia and Caleb through a mouthful of candy shards, noticing that the line had started to inch forward.
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xxwritemeastoryxx · 2 years ago
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*chants* Bucky, Bucky, Bucky
18. Just pretend we’re okay, just for tonight, just for show. I’ll be gone by sunrise.
(Pretty please)
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Compromised
Author: xxwritemeastoryxx
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader
Word Count: 5873
Warnings: Betrayal, weapon usage/violence, angst galore. Canon timeline doesn't exist to make this fic work.
Author’s Note: Okay, hear me out before this one gets started. I'm sorry (That's a lie) for whatever pain comes from this one. But I also couldn't help myself and added a second prompt because it JUST FIT PERFECTLY and I couldn't help myself. I added prompt 10. You started this. The least you can do is finish ripping my heart out by telling the damn truth. The beginning of this fic is a bit misleading. Do not jump to conclusions! Also, I want to say that I'm still getting used to writing for Bucky, so any constructive critiques are welcome. Please note that Make it Angsty Requests are now closed. I'm posting them after the fact cause I fail at posting things in a timely manner. The divider is by the lovely @firefly-graphics ♥
I do not and will not ever give permission for my fics to be copied and posted on other sites. Don’t do it. Don’t be that person that ruins it for me and everyone else.
Feedback gives me life and motivation for future things. While likes are appreciated, reblogs are gold. Seriously, if you enjoyed this in the slightest, please reblog ♥
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It was almost a typical Stark party. However for once it wasn’t for his benefit of any kind. For the first time since Y/N had joined the avengers, they were celebrating her birthday. While it may seem odd that they hadn’t done so before, it was because Y/N didn’t want them to fuss over her. For years they had attempted to throw her a party, but she never wanted it and reminded them every time they had tried. 
At first she refused to give up the date when she first joined to allow them to throw some kind of celebration. After FRIDAY gave up the day, Y/N always found out about the details that allowed her to evade every get together or surprise party they attempted. They’d throw the party and she’d never show until she was sure they had given up. Or she’d take on missions to avoid the compound altogether.
In truth, Y/N felt as though she didn’t deserve the party they had been so desperately wanting her to be a part of. She couldn’t ever recall a time where her birth had been celebrated. There weren’t an increasing amount of candles to blow out. After years of having nothing, it had become just another day to her. And now that several people wanted to celebrate her birthday, it was overwhelming. 
That was until a few months ago that Bucky had been volunteered to convince his girlfriend to actually have a birthday party. If anyone could convince her, it’d be Bucky. He couldn’t get out of the small parties that Steve insisted they have for him. Unlike Y/N, he couldn’t escape his best friends tatics from it. 
And after weeks of convincing and reassuring Y/N that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to have a party thrown for her, she finally agreed to it. It also didn’t hurt to add in that any time he was forced to attend a party for his, she was a willing participant that helped him enjoy the night. For once he wanted to be able to see her enjoy herself on her birthday. 
That was how she currently found herself surrounded by plenty of people that she knew and didn’t know. Many of them had been staff within the compound that she hardly ever talked to. If it hadn’t been for the conversations and words of encouragement from Bucky and her teammates, she would have bolted for the door hours ago. 
But now, she was beginning to feel ansty and the one person that promised he’d by her side the majority of the night was nowhere to be seen. Even as her eyes scanned the crowd she couldn’t find Bucky. Usually she could pick him out rather easy in any room, but right now she couldn’t. 
As her eyes finished her scan, she found Steve and Sam talking across the way causing her to start making her way over. As she had, her eyes kept looking for Bucky the whole time hoping he’d pop up. 
“Have you seen Bucky?” She asked as she came up to them. 
They had stopped mid conversation the moment she spoke. They both hadn’t missed the anxiousness that was visible in her eyes. While they hardly ever seen that side of her before, they both knew that this was a first for her. They expected there to be some hesitancy on her part.
Steve tilted his head towards the hall at the other end of the room. “He got a phone call a few minutes ago. Couldn’t hear over the music.”
She didn’t blame him. The music levels were just loud enough that some people had to speak louder just to be heard. Any louder and she was sure people would have to be mouth to ear in this place to hear anything. 
“Thanks.” She said giving him a smile. 
“We’re going to be bringing out the cake soon.” Sam added. “Don’t take too long.”
Y/N rolled her eyes and shook her head. “No promises!” She said before she turned and started making her way towards the hall. 
When she reached the hall, her eyes began scanning each room as she walked past them, looking for Bucky. She soon realized that only one room, at the very end of the hall had been closed. A small smile pulled at her lips once more as she made her way over to that door. 
Her thoughts instantly going to the playful things she could say to him as she walked into the door. She could joke about how he was hiding away when he promised he’d be there. She could also joke that when his birthday came around, she would be able to hide away. The many things she could say just to help ease the anxiety that was bubbling within her. 
“Hey Buck-” As she opened the door, she froze. The playful question about him hiding away never got the chance to pass her lips. 
Bucky stood at the opposite side of the desk with a file opened and papers scattered. Several pictures were mixed in with the pages that had been on the desk. A document was in his hand as if he had been reading it moments before she had opened the door. 
Curiosity should have filled her with what he currently had his eyes trained on, but it wasn’t. Fear filled her as she recognized the contents of the file he had been going through. All of the information in that file she had tried her hardest to destroy. The life she no longer wished to be a part of was contained within that file. The lies to her life laid out on display. 
Taking a shuddering breath, she stepped into the room and closed the door. She kept her back to the door, with her hands on the handle. The simple need to grasp onto it just in case she needed to make a quick getaway. 
“I need you to let me explain.” 
The instant the words left her mouth, Bucky’s eyes snapped to her. He had heard her when she opened the door, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. Not when his eyes were still scanning the document in his hand, taking in the information. 
His heart had been in his stomach from the moment he opened the file. Before he opened it, he felt as though he shouldn’t and trust Y/N. He wanted to believe that there was no reason to worry and whatever was in that file was going to prove his recent suspicions to be wrong. But they weren’t. 
Being free from the memories tied to it makes it easier to get the job done. 
A simple phrase she had said weeks ago had stuck with him. A siren going off within his mind that felt wrong. For someone such as Y/N, who joined from SHIELD, shouldn’t know what it’s like to have her memories wiped. Then again, he had no idea what SHIELD was capable of doing behind closed doors. 
It didn’t stop Bucky from wanting the answers himself without dropping a thousand questions on Y/N. He knew the sudden interest in her past would raise questions. While Bucky knew as much about Y/N as she was willing to give, she still had walls up and Bucky respected some of those walls. Just as she had with some of his. But now he had the answers directly in front of him and he hated himself for not seeing it sooner. 
“Who are you?” His voice was loud enough for her to hear. His voice hardly held any emotion even though his expressions conveyed everything he was feeling. 
“You know who I am.” She responded as she lifted her head up a little higher. Almost as if she was bracing herself for the blow. 
“Obviously I don’t.” His right hand gestured towards the desk. “Your background was pretty extensive, I’m amazed that you made it through Tony’s security checks with how much I have sitting on this desk.”
“It’s not that hard for Hydra to create a false identity when you don’t exactly have one.” Much like the calmness in his voice, her’s matched. On the inside, her heart was racing. She was sure her eyes had displayed the fear and guilt she was currently feeling. Her eyes took in every bit of him. Studying him and keeping herself ready for anything she hoped wouldn’t happen. “The person in that file is dead. Has been for several years.” 
A scoff passed his lips as he shook his head. “If she’s dead, who’s birthday are they currenty out there celebrating?”
They. He hadn’t included himself in that scentence and Y/N had picked up on that right away. There was a change from earlier this morning when he took her out to breakfast and left a gift on her bed side table to wake up to. She assumed that the time he took to celebrate her birthday ended when he got his phone call, no doubt signalling the arrival of the file. 
“Still mine.” There was the slightest nod of her head as she tried to enure his questions were answered as quickly as she could without them seeming rehearsed, even though there were times where she practiced for the day she would tell him. “They-” She stopped herself. There was no use in avoiding the truth. “Hydra believed that if I had no ties to my former life, I would do as they pleased. But when creating a backstory, they used my real birth date. It was only after I left that I found out it was the right date. Everything else was different.”
His eyes took her in as she finished. He could see how she was almost in a defensive stance. Her arm behind her back no doubt holding the handle on the door. The defensive reflex reminding him of many times he had seen other soldiers hold that stance in a room that he was in. An easier way to leave when the opportunity presented itself. 
He wondered how many other times there was something that had seemed so familiar to him that had gone unnoticed. For every memory that had been returned to him, he never knew who she was when they first met. He would have known if she was mixed in the sea of memories, but she never encountered him while he was under Hydra’s hold. 
But now he kew that brief moment of a gut feeling when he met her for the first time was an actual warning he should have listened to. But it had been Steve, and occasionally Sam, that reminded him that once she opened up, she wasn't as guarded and neither of them had felt off about her presence. It turns out they had been wrong. 
"I get it." She said a moment later when he hadn’t said anything. “This is a bunch of new information that you're taking in. Maybe you need a little more time to process." Her hand on the knob slowly turned. This would be the only chance she'd have to leave the room. While she didn't fear him, she was afraid of the emotions that would come from this conversation. She knew, without a doubt, he'd hate her afterwards. "I'll head back to the party and we can talk later. Just please don't say anything to anyone. At least not yet." 
She had barely turned around and opened the door a little more than an inch or two before the swish of a blade flying through the air was loud in her ears. It was followed by a thud that caused the door to slam shut just as quickly as she had opened it. She looked up to see the knife barely above her head. 
"We are far from finished." 
When she turned back around, she found him standing within arms reach. His eyes were narrowed at her. Her heart aches that he had been looking at her like he was instead of the caring looks she had been used to. In the span of a an hour, she had become the enemy in his eyes. 
Bucky could have aimed anywhere. He had half a mind to aim for the space right beside her hand or even right by her cheek. Something close enough to knick the skin as a warning not to leave. But the part of him that cared way too deeply for her couldn't bring himself to bring the knife that close to her. 
He couldn't deny what was in front of him. The way she had been so calm about this had further proved the evidence. It was almost as if he could no longer recognize who she was. That the woman he loved was completely different from the woman who's life had been spread out on the desk behind him. Even the words leaving her lips that now came out so easily were foreign to him in the way their conversations usually went. Hydra was never spoken of and now it had been mentioned more times in the last few minutes than they had been in the few years they had known each other.
“How long?” He asked a moment later. 
“Since before we met.” The words came out easily. 
"What was your mission?" 
Her eyes scanned his face for a moment. Just enough for her to collect her thoughts. She could lie, but she knew that would get her nowhere. She could tell the truth, and they could possibly find themselves at each other's throats.
“To infiltrate the Avengers." His features hadn't changed as she continued. "I was to gain their trust while I observed and reported anything of interest. When the time came I was to take down my target.”
“Who is your target?” He asked with a raised brow. 
“Doesn’t matter, I couldn’t go through with it.” She said with a shake of her head. 
That detail she couldn’t bring herself to give up. It caused her heart to ache just thinking about it. She never voiced it before and she didn’t want this to be the first time she did. Any other time she could redirect the questions onto something else. But this wasn’t just a casual conversation to be had anymore. This was Bucky interrogating her. 
There weren't any playful conversations or plans for the rest of the night. There wasn’t the comfortable stance between them. Instead they both were on edge and the tension in the air thick. 
“It does matter. You came here under false pretenses. Lied to everyone who believed to be your friend. I think it’s only fair that you own up to who it was.” It was no longer about knowing her past and what she had done. It was now about if she still posed as threat while still here within the walls of the compound. 
“They’re still breathing.” She noted. “I almost went through with it. But I learned I couldn’t bring myself to do it. So it doesn’t matter who it was, Bucky. All that matters is that I turned my back on Hydra and never looked back.”
“And what’s to stop you from changing your mind and going after them?” He asked taking a step closer to her.
“What stopped you from killing Steve?” With his step forward, she began remembering the layout of the room. The details she could use to her advantage from being pinned against the door as she now was. 
“Why can’t you just answer the question?” He shot back as he crossed his arms over his chest. 
“Because it isn’t necessary!” Her voice raised slightly. The emotions within her growing and she hated the fact that her eyes threatened to tear up. “I left. I made the choice to be better. You got to do the same. Why is it any different with me?”
“Because I don’t know how I can trust you without knowing all of the facts.” He took in a deep breath trying to calm himself. “I let you in. How do I know that everything you’ve told me isn’t a lie? I don’t know how much of it was you actually being you or if you were doing your job and just using me to get close to-”
He stopped himself when something clicked in his mind. The missing pieces of the puzzle being found as he watched the tears well up in her eyes and the words he had just said brought everything into perspective. He looked up at the knife that was still embedded in the door above her head before looking back at her. 
“I’m only going to ask this one more time.” There was hurt in his voice and every part of him hoped that the answer he now had in his mind was wrong. “Who is your mission?”
The moment Bucky had cut himself off, Y/N knew he had pieced it together. It was written in his face and in his eyes. It had made her heart ache as she watched him piece it together. She knew this is where he would hate her. Even if she tried and denied it again, he still knew and there was nothing that could change that.
“You.” That was when the first tear fell from her eyes. His hands dropped to his sides as he took a step back. When she reached out to him, he hit her hand away. “Bucky-”
“Everything was a lie, wasn’t it?” His head shook as he looked at her. His heart ached in a way he believed he never felt before. He had felt and done many things during his lifetime. He regretted many things and several of them he wished on everything he could take them back. But the one thing he never regretted was meeting and falling in love with Y/N. At least that was until now. “You are pretty good at your job sweetheart, I’ll give you that.”
“I have lied about plenty of things, but my feelings for you weren’t one of them.” Y/N needed him to understand that. 
Her confessions of care and love towards him hadn’t been faked at any point. Her annoyance in the beginning had been clear. It took months for them to warm up to each other, let alone work well together on missions. And while she was the double agent, it was only until her feelings had shifted, right along with Bucky’s, that she realized she couldn’t go through with her mission.
“Don’t feed me that bullshit.” His eyes narrowed at her. “Everything I have known about you has been a lie. From the moment I met you I should have listened to my gut.” He shook his head before running his fleshed hand down his face. “You started this by taking the mission.” He said as he looked into her eyes. “The least you can do is finish ripping my heart out by telling the damn truth for once.”
Her eyes widdened slightly as she took in his words. She knew that this was a justified reaction from him. But it didn’t hurt anyless to hear that she was breaking him. The first relationship he had away from Hydra and she was tormenting him by not telling him the truth.
She looked elsewhere for a moment as she tried to get her emotions in check. After all those years of training, she found them to be useless in that moment. Tears were falling freely with no intent to stop. They were silent and didn’t affect her in the way it would to someone else.
“You want the whole truth? Okay. Here it is.” If it would help in some way to either ease things between them or get them going for the inevitable reveal to the others, she’d give it all up. “Hydra caught wind that you were having your programming removed.” His eyes widened for a moment as he took in her words. “For the right price, there are no secrets, even in closed borders, you know that. Agents were trying to find their place after the fall of SHIELD. It was easy to have a background created for me and I was tossed in with the potentials. It didn’t take long for my skillsets to be noticed and I was brought in rather quickly. I was to observe and report what was necessary to my superiors. And when the time came I was to assess if the Winter Soldier could be returned and utilized or put down. 
"I played my role and mingled with everyone. I reported back when necessary. Much like you with the hesitancy towards me, I had the same with you. Yes, I feared that you’d figure it out early on and kill me. I expected it from the moment you returned from Wakanda. I stayed on edge waiting for the moment that you would figure it out. But you never did. And when you managaged to actually hold a conversation with me for longer than two seconds, I knew I had my way in.” She watched as a glare formed on his face and when he opened his mouth to speak she quickly continued. 
“Things started to change between us. I fought it because I was supposed to be doing my job and not falling for you. Your death was supposed to come that first mission alone together after it was agreed by my superiors that you were to be put down. You were so eager to get the mission done that you never realized you had a gun pointed at your head several times.” She wiped the tears from her cheek. Bucky had shook his head at her words. No doubt hating himself for not realizing it then. “Nor did you see how I struggled to get myself to pull the trigger. Because every time you looked back to check on me, all I could see was Bucky and not the asset that I was meant to put down. All I could see was the freedom and relationship that I craved and I couldn’t do it.
“The moment we got back from that mission I left for a few days. I said it was because I had a family emergency that I needed to take care of. That was the last lie I told you. Because I couldn’t tell you that I was going to either get myself killed or I was going to take down the base that not even the Avengers knew about.”
The moment she mentioned it, Bucky remembered that night. He remembered, for the first time in a long while, being anxious waiting for Y/N to return home from checking in on her family. The night she had left he was going to tell her how he felt. The feelings that had been developing for her, he needed her to know. 
Bucky had been working up the courage the week leading up to the mission. But he couldn’t get himself to. And when they got back, he was on his way to her room to tell her when he caught word she had left rather quickly. The only thing anyone knew was something was going on with her family. So Bucky waited a little longer to tell her. 
After almost a week and a half, Bucky woke up in the middle of the night to find Y/N sitting in the doorway to his room. At first he believed he was dreaming until he got up and walked over to her. He had expected to see some kind of smirk on her lips or some kind of joke about her being a lurker. Instead he found her face and neck covered in yellowing bruises. 
“What happened?” He asked, quickly moving to sit beside her and take in the damage. 
“Some times checking in on your family means getting your ass beat in the process.” It was a horrible joke but it had made her chuckle slightly as tears formed in her eyes. 
He brought his hand under her chin and lifted it slightly, angling her face up and to the side to get a better look at her neck. “Should have called in for some back up. I gladly would have stepped in.” They chuckled and she shook her head. 
“I assure you, they wouldn’t be able to touch anyone again.” 
Her words caused an eyebrow to raise on his face. “Am I being sworn to secrecy with that statement? Cause I can-”
“You wont have to worry about anything.” She promised. “I’m free from anything incriminating.” She looked down the hall towards where her room was. “I’ve only been back a few minutes, I didn’t want to wake you. You actually looked like you were sleeping peacefully tonight. I just needed-”
“It’s okay.” He assured her. He stayed with her in that spot for a little longer before she excused herself to go to her room. 
The next morning they received the news that a hydra base had been taken down with no idea who had done it. No mission had been scheduled. They didn't even know that particular base had existed. Yet it had been up in flames without anyone alive to explain what was going on. Local authorities had been the ones to find the base in shambles and it took some time to reach the compound. 
“I should kill you right now.” His voice had been calm. The words had even shocked him as they left his lips. Maybe it was the mix of emotions, but there was no stopping them once they left his lips. 
Without any hesitation, Y/N shot her hand up above her head, grabbing the hilt of the knife, pulling it free. The moment she had it free, Bucky had his vibranium hand wrapped around hers. He thought she had been attempting to use it against him, and as he tried to keep it from meeting him, she easily brought it closer to her, letting the tip of the blade meet her shirt right above her heart.
“Do it, you’d be doing both of us a favor.” For a brief moment she saw the way his eyes softened at her words and actions before they hardened just as they had moments before. “I never intended to fall for you. But you made me care and I couldn’t stop myself. You want to kill me, go ahead. I deserve it for what I’ve done.”
Bucky pulled the blade away from her and brought it down to his side. “You should have told me the truth sooner. When you knew you couldn’t go through with it. Or even that night. We sat up for hours, you should have told me. I would have let you go then instead of having to find out this way when you slipped up.”
“I know, and I understand that I should have. But you-”
“Leave.” He couldn’t let her finish what she was about to say. While he didn’t know it word for word, he knew she would say along the lines of ‘now he knew and they could start over, now he knew and once she told the others they could make their way past this’. Part of him wanted to let her be that selfish. But the other part that now saw her only as someone that used him, he couldn’t bring himself to allow her any of it.
She nodded her head. “Okay, I’ll give you some space.”
“I meant leave here completely. I don’t want to see you around here anymore. In fact I expect you to be somewhere across the world by morning.”
“What? No-”
“If you don’t leave, I will gladly walk out of this room and alert everyone that Hydra is within their walls.” He would quickly do it if it allowed him the peace of her being gone. He couldn’t stand to look at her right now. 
"I am not Hydra anymore!" She was glad the music had been blasting down the hall or else she would have given herself away with how loudly she had yelled it at him. “If you’re going to take anything away from this, please let that be it.”
“I can’t.” He shook his head. He moved towards the door to leave. As his flesh hand grabbed the door knob, she placed hers on top of his, causing him to look over at her with a glare. 
“I know you don’t owe me any favors, and I definitely don’t deserve this, but please. Just pretend we’re okay, just for tonight, just for show.” She watched as his eyes hadn’t changed as he kept them on her. “Please. The others don’t need to hear about this right now and I promise that I’ll be gone by sunrise.”
He stood there for a moment, taking her in one last time. For the briefest of moments, this was his Y/N that he was looking at. The woman he had loved with everythin he could give. She wasn’t the enemy that had been standing in front of him. Nor was she the woman that broke his heart several times within their conversation tonight. 
The pain in his chest shattered the illusion a moment later and all he could see and feel was the betrayal from her. The lies he had heard over the years on a loop in his mind as he looked into her eyes. He couldn’t give her the whole night she was asking for. He didn’t even know if he’d be capable of giving her any time longer than him walking out of this room.
“I’ll give you until your candles are out.” He said as he shook her hand off of his and opened the door. “That’s the only time you’ll get. After that it’s fair game.”
As the door slammed shut behind him, she closed her eyes and let a shakey breath out. She had expected him to say no. To tell her to leave once more before he left the room. She had expected to be running to their shared room and packing a bag to slip out under the radar. But he gave her smallest window of nothing being wrong. 
Leaving the room, she quickly ducked into the nearest bathroom to collect herself. Thankfully there hadn’t been many people in the hall and there wasn’t someone already in the bathroom. Making quick use of her time, she ensured that not a single evidence of tears had been on her face and made sure her eyes didn’t hold the emotions she had been feeling. With one last deep breath, she walked back out to the party. 
“There she is!” Clint yelled out, catching her attention. “We’ve been trying to keep Thor off of the cake.”
In the last few moments the music had been lowered significantly, to a decent volume. Thankfully they hadn’t decided to do so before she and Bucky had walked out of the room. If they had, she was sure she’d be greeted differently. 
“Didn’t I tell you it wouldn’t be long before cake?” Sam teased.
“Someone couldn’t keep their hands off.”
Bucky’s voice had surprised her. As her eyes snapped to his, there wasn’t the playful gleam within his eyes. If anything, he was hiding the glare that wanted to form. He sent a wink her way before he brought the beer bottle up to his lips. The subtle message that he agreed and wouldn’t take it back. He’d keep the new charade up as long as she left just as he asked. 
“Enough of that!” Nat said before Y/N could respond. She came over to Y/N and began leading her to stand in front of the cake. “Let’s sing and cut the cake before they decide to disappear again.”
The instant Y/N was in place, Nat began to light the candles on the cake quickly. But her eyes never left Bucky as he moved to stand closer to her for the time being. The others gathered around and it wasn’t long before a countdown started and the singing began. Taking Y/N’s full attention. 
From the opposite side of the cake, she watched as the people who had become her friends over the last several years sing to her. The smiles on their faces as they had were something she’d never forget. And as her eyes landed on Bucky, he too had been participating just as she asked him too.  The sparkler candles adding the right touch to the memory she was creating in her mind. The memory she’d keep with her for as long as she could after she left. The and only birthday celebrated with them all. 
As the song came to an end, she could see the way Bucky’s eyes had been on anywhere else but her. He had even stopped singing mid song before the others had even finished singing. The ‘normal’ coming to an end. 
While every one told her to make some kind of wish, Y/N couldn’t bring herself to. While she could wish for anything and everything to take back today, and even the last few years she would. But the damage had been done. There was no going back now. 
I’m sorry. She thought as she blew out the candles. 
In the midst of the cheers and the cake being moved away, Y/N was gone from sight. The only one who noticed it at first was Bucky. He watched her the whole entire time. He watched as she manuevored out of sight from the others and down towards the hall.
The moment she was gone from sight, Bucky’s body slumped slightly. The tension in his body leaving as he sat himself down in the nearest chair. The action hadn’t go unnoticed by some of his friends. 
“You alright Buck?” Steve’s voice filled his ears as caught his movement in his peripheral taking a seat next to him. 
“Give me the rest of tonight to give you an answer to that.” He said even though his eyes never left the hallway. 
He had hardly got a grip on the situation himself. He was still processing the information, her words on a loop in his head, along with the hurt he was feeling had his mind spinning. Because how could he begin to explain that the woman they all cared for had been lying for years?
“Where’d Y/N go?” Steve asked keeping his attention on Bucky. 
Bucky shrugged his shoulders, trying to keep his emotions at bay. “Your guess is as good as mine.” He finally brought his attention to Steve. “I just need time to give you the ‘why’ of it all.”
After years of freedom from the organization that manipulated, used, and tormented him, Hydra sure had a way of making its presence known in his life even after being destroyed. The relief of freedom he felt had been taken away from him the moment he had opened that file. And the genuine happiness he felt had been shattered to pieces the moment she confirmed his thoughts.
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puppy-coded · 3 years ago
Text
Wax Hands {T.S.}
Warning(s): Angst, fostering/adoption, some fluff, Tony dying, endgame spoilers, the Watts Family(murder but not detailed), a little fluff and a few happy moments
Word Count: 1612 words
Prompt(s): Tiny Hand in Big Hand, “I’m worried about you.”
Pairing: Dad!Tony Stark x Child!reader
A/N: This is for @depressed-barnes 300 follower celebration! Congratulations and thank you for letting me participate! I would have gotten this out sooner if my internet wasn’t out last night and for most of this morning. Anyway... Hope you enjoy!
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Tony Stark, most famously known as the current co-owner of Stark Industries, which specializes in weapon manufacturing and shipping. Pepper Potts is Tony’s personal assistant and she realized that his public image is... not terrific. She encouraged him to adopt a dog or a cat, something that would make people think he had a heart.
Tony, being Tony, decides to become a foster parent. To a child. He applied, he did all his paperwork, he did everything to make sure he would get approved. About a month later he received a phone call about foster child placement. He got some basic information about a little 4 year old girl named (Y/N).
He painted your room a beautiful lavender, put in a nice, larger-than-any-four-year-old-needs bed, a large bookshelf, and a chest at the end of your bed with fluffy blankets and different stuffies.
When (Y/N) came into Tony’s care you were very shy but Tony was determined to get you to like him. He absolutely spoiled you. Eventually, after many late night talks over ice cream and chocolate milk, you loved Tony. They’d hang out almost everyday, shopping, talking, getting to know each other, laughing, making jokes, everything. Soon enough his image had turned. He headlined almost every time someone took a picture of you two together, usually accompanied by “He’s such a cute dad!” or something if a picture is posted online. Stark seemed to always be trending on Twitter because of this. 
It suddenly stopped when he went missing for almost a full year. Pepper took care of little (Y/N) and… it was hard for the both of them. 
One night (Y/N) comes into Pepper’s room, clutching a special bear that you had made with Tony at Build-A-Bear.
“Do you know where Tony is?” You asked sadly, climbing into your bed.
“I don’t (Y/N),” Pepper admits, wrapping your arms around the little girl.
“I want my daddy back!” You wailed, starting to sob into Pepper’s shoulder.
“I know,” Pepper said, stroking your hair. “I know.”
A week later he came back. The first thing he did, even before his press conference, was promise (Y/N) something.
“(Y/N),” He said, bending down to your level when you were still turned around.
“Daddy!” You screamed, jumping into his arms.
“Hey (N/N). Did you miss me?” He asked, keeping you in his unbroken arm.
“Mhm!”
“Well, I promise you that, once my arm gets all better, that I will spend a full week with you. Just you and me. How’s that sound?” He asked, he watched as your face slowly lit up.
You nodded your head enthusiastically and gave him another hug. He went into the press conference with a burger and was done after an hour. You didn’t know this until four months later but he signed the papers to formally adopt you. It took four months but you were his daughter now, though you both knew you always were.
True to his word, when his arm was better he took you out of state to an amusement park so he couldn’t be reached by his employees or be tempted to go home. It was nearing the end of the day and Tony said that you could do one more thing.
“What’s that?” You asked him, pointing to a wax hand station.
“Oh, it’s hot wax. You stick your hand in it, wait for it to dry, and they peel it off for you to take home,” Tony explained, already leading you to the stand.
You two had contemplated what you wanted and you both decided on peace signs. You went home with wax peace signs, a small one from you and a big one from him. 
It became a tradition. Wax hands every time you get the chance. He once put his hand in like he was offering someone his hand and gave it to you so “Every time you want someone to hold your hand then I’m there for you.”
Soon enough, in almost the blink of an eye, you were starting high school. You haven’t really made friends since you switched schools to Midtown Science High School. You just kept your head down and learned as much as you could. Tony noticed that it was starting to affect you. While he encouraged you to make friends he also knew that it was hard.
You did well in school all four years, at the expense of your sleep and mental health of course. Your junior year was the roughest. You had been working on your semester project in Tony’s lab at around one in the morning when Tony came down.
“(Y/N), why are you still awake?” He asked with his arms crossed. He wasn’t mad, just a little worried.
“Project,” You simply stated.
“I’m worried about you. You’ve been doing this all week,” He told you. He only knew you had been because of Friday but still.
“Don’t be, I’m fine,” You tried. Tony only stared at you. “Fine, I’ll get some sleep,” You sighed after a staring contest that went on for way too long.
The next night you did the same thing while listening to a true crime podcast. The case of the Watts family came on and you listened to the entire episode until a really disturbing piece of information came on. You dropped your tools immediately and burst into Tony’s room, trying not to cry. You shook your dad up and he immediately went into a fighting stance, even if tiredly.
“(Y/N), what’s wrong?” He asked.
“Can I sleep in here tonight…?” You asked, wiping your eyes. Tony nodded and scooted over.
“What happened?” He asked while you held his hand, your hands still small against his even at sixteen.
“I just realized that I love you and you’re my hero,” You said. “I don’t want to lose you ever.”
“You won’t until I’m old,” He said.
-
“Pepper, where’s Morgan?” You asked, looking for your little sister. Even though you two were sixteen years apart you still enjoyed hanging out and playing with each other.
“Er… I don’t know. But I’m looking for your dad too, have you seen him?” She asked you, putting her hands on her hips and sighing.
“They’re probably together,” You reasoned.
You found Morgan and Tony in the woods having a tea party.
“What!” You yelled out. “Morgan, you had a tea party and didn’t invite me?” You jokingly asked.
“It was a daddy-daughter-stuffie-mom’s mask tea party,” Tony informed you matter-of-factly with a boa and tiara on, sipping “tea” Morgan made.
“(Y/N)!” Morgan had instantly abandoned the tea party and gave you a hug. “Wanna play?”
“Of course! That’s why I was looking for you! Oh, and I also made cupcakes,” You told her, walking back toward the cabin.
“Yay!” She exclaimed.
You, Morgan, Pepper, and a boa clad Tony had eaten cupcakes and conversed in the kitchen. It was pretty nice.
You had stood with Peter, Morgan, and Harley at the funeral. It was at the lake behind your house. You could barely keep it together but felt like you had to for Morgan and Pepper. 
After the funeral people talked with each other, people gave you their condolences, the world seemed bleak, all your accomplishments seemed pointless. Everything was off.
You went into the house and cried in the lab, his lab. All the technology your dad had seemed untouchable now even though you used it all the time. You were walking around when you saw a folder labeled “(Y/N)’s drawings”. You opened it and it was everything you ever drew or colored for him. They all had dates and what you said they were. The latest date was 11/3/10, according to you it was a dog while, in reality it was just a cow with skinny legs. 
Now you just looked around for anything though you fully thought it was just the one folder. You opened a closet and it had boxes in it. 
“(Y/N)’s Projects”
“(Y/N)’s Gifts to Me”
“(Y/N)’s Old Stuffies She Might Want One Day”
“Build-A-Bear w/ (Y/N)”
One box in particular caught your eye.
“Wax Hands w/ (Y/N)”
You took it out and it was every wax hand he’d ever made with you. Half hearts, peace signs, the hand he offered to you… You took it and went into your room. You put it on your desk and put you hand in it. Your hands still looked small compared to it. You smiled slightly and let the tears finally flow.
You missed him.
“You know, he had a program just for you too,” Peter said. You jumped and turned to him. “It was the Put It On The Fridge one. Every time you said something and he was proud of it he would tell F.R.I.D.A.Y to add it,” He told you before walking out. “I’m sorry for barging in and for your loss.”
That night you had been at your desk, trying to finish a paper, holding your dads wax hand and you were curious.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y… What’s everything (Y/N) has ever said that’s on the Put It On The Fridge program?” You asked up at your ceiling to the AI.
She showed you and it was smart things you said, sarcasm, awkward moments, bad things you’ve done and have admitted to doing. He was proud of you. For everything it seemed.
That night you went to bed knowing that.
You got peace for the first time in the last couple of months.
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beyond-mogai-pride-flags · 2 years ago
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The Aspiritual (Aspir) Flag.
Someone who is aspiritual or aspir (pronounced "a-spear") experiences little to no spiritual attraction and or desire. This is different from being an atheist or nonreligious, as being an atheist is about lacking belief in a god or gods and being nonreligious is about not practicing a religion, an aspir individual may be a theist, religious, an atheist, nonreligious, or anything else.
Spiritual attraction is defined by wanting to form spiritual bonds with another person in particular, such as wanting to pray with someone, meditate with someone, study under a spiritual leader, or other such activities that society deems spiritual in nature. An aspir person may or may not still do all of those activities, but experiences little to know attraction or desire to do so. I myself am aspiritual and I grew up going to a church I liked, and I intend to go back after the pandemic.
One of the reasons I decided to make this flag and label is because I've never had a spiritual experience, I don't want to have a spiritual experience, and my feelings were often downplayed by people who regularly do. Whenever I've heard people describe themselves as spiritual, or talk about their spiritual experiences, or about this spiritual leader they gush over, or complain about their church not being spiritual enough, I've always struggled to understand what they mean. I know some of the recipes for creating spiritual experiences in other people from years of observation and planning a few worship services, but I've never personally felt it. I've had profound experiences that others may have described as spiritual if they'd experienced them, but they didn't feel spiritual to me, and even felt slightly overrated. I've been pressured to participate in spiritual activities and found the activities a mixture of underwhelming and unsettling, then had my dismay about the whole thing downplayed in favor of the majority opinion of my allospiritual peers, and not had language to explain why I was so upset. Now I've invented the language. I'm aspiritual, this is my flag, anyone can use it, I encourage its use.
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sukirichi · 4 years ago
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jujutsu kaisen characters as students in high school: (non-canon AU)
featuring: itadori yuuji, fushiguro megumi, gojo satoru, getou suguru, & ryoumen sukuna notes: some parts include you as their friend, or even their high school love! (this is unedited/ not proofread)
masterlist ! requests are open 
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𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 𝐘𝐔𝐔𝐉𝐈
he’s not the brightest bulb, but he makes up for it through hardwork and enthusiasm
yuuji is literally that classmate everyone is just friends with
the type who waves with a smile, saying “good morning!” the moment he walks through that door
with that being said, since he’s everyone’s friend, i headcannon that yuuji doesn’t really have a best friend because he’s so open and available to everyone it’s hard to have just a one on one conversation with him
not to say he’s always surrounded by a crowd that you can’t get near him, but everyone likes talking to yuuji
he just fits in so well and understands people 
kind of like how he easily clicked with junpei (please, i miss him, i still can’t believe that he’s...you know...)
whether it’s the guys raving to him about sports
or girls shyly talking about their crush on class or about that new shojo manga
yuuji is open to anything and everyone. this boy wears his heart on his sleeve and he’s honestly such a precious boy, please be kind to him <3
the type of student that gets called to answer in class but isn’t shy to admit he doesn’t know the answer while rubbing the back of his neck
he does pay attention tho
i think it’s canon that yuuji is a dedicated man, like from that time he just watched movies straight and kept his cursed energy controlled so the cursed corpse would stop hitting him
overall, yuuji is a very hard working student! 
he wouldn’t get over the top grades, but he’s really proud of himself (and he should be!)
also that one kid in class that is surprisingly good in sports despite his lanky figure and laid back persona, because all the other sports-craved people are always flexing or challenging other captains 
but plot twist, this boy is ripped and very, beautifully kept in trim
yeah he’s not really into club activities that much
not because he hates them, but he’s just not that into it. he’s more than glad to join in whatever activities though and enjoys them, but if asked what he’d like to do, it wouldn’t be that first thing that came to mind
in conclusion: itadori yuuji is the class sunflower that lights up everyone’s day  🌻
yuuji’s role: the hard worker! 
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𝐅𝐔𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐎 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈
hands down, megumi is THAT student
if you’re volunteering in the library, you can sure as hell guarantee you’ll see megumi there
he doesn’t like studying in class because it’s too noisy, so if he’s in school, you’ll always see his name in the library logs
he’s that kid that aces all exams
the type to scowl when he sees a 96% mark because he’s expecting a perfect mark
okay before you come at me, i’m not saying megumi is that annoying smart kid in class that goes, “Oh, I’m so dumb, just a 96?”
no he’s more frustrated at himself because he knows he studied hard and lost sleep over it. he’s just wondering where he went wrong. he has literal note cards and customize flash cards on an app on his phone, waking up every four am and probably taking supplement classes after regular school hours
i headcannon that megumi is someone who always wants to do his best and actually goes through lengths to prove his worth
maybe it stems from having the need to show who he really is and what he’s capable of
but yeah i can totally see him doing that
also that cute student that keeps visiting the cafe every saturday morning, wearing a black hoodie and headphones tucked in, his pretty hands nestling over a book
he looks like a gamer but honestly i don’t think he’s got time for that lmao
would also be that guy people find hard to approach because of his quiet and reserved self
he’s pretty intimidating too
definitely sits beside the window at the back of the class. you can’t fight me on that
just because he’s smart and loves studying, it doesn’t mean he’ll sit on the front row and raise his hand every damn second
the teachers will encourage him to participate in class a little bit more, especially after seeing he’s awkward during group activities, but megumi just really prefers to do things by himself
i also headcannon him eating in the cafeteria like everyone else instead of having his alone time during a rooftop? like idk i can’t picture megumi completely isolating himself like that
he blends in well in a way that you know he’s just like everyone else; a human
but he also stands out in the manner that he’s a lot more introverted and reserved compared to everyone else
surprisingly good during sports and relay games
100% reliable
the type to stay up at midnight to finish a group project, sighing because his groupmates doesn’t care as much as he does, but turns it in anyway the next day
he’d be annoyed at them, but he doesn’t really like confrontation so he doesn’t out them to the teacher like that
but he’s also not someone who lets people walk over him, so he’ll simply say something about his groupmates becoming more responsible and to be serious for once as a “warning”
and yeah, he may be closed off, but once you get really close with him (even better if you have similar interests) you’ll find there’s a lot more to him than what you’ve originally seen and he’s actually a pretty great friend and supportive classmate
would teach you instead of just letting you copy his work or snap pictures of his notes
ugh he’s so responsible and morally right and that’s so attractive help
in conclusion: fushiguro megumi is the hidden gem  💎
megumi’s role: the intellectual outsider!
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𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔
man...i don’t know how to start this
i’ve said this about megumi, but gojo is also that student
no, in fact, he’s THE student
everyone loves him. literally everyone
the teachers? smitten
his classmates? in love
the school guard? calls him by his first name
the cleaning lady? turns into a star with the way she lightens up when he’s there
the cafeteria staff? yeah free food because he’s gojo satoru
gojo is what i like to call the “one who has it all” because....well, he kind of does
he’s really smart and talented, which comes as a surprise to everyone in the first day of school when he nearly gets kicked out for falling asleep in class
only for everyone to be shocked that he knows the answer already and the teacher is only discussing chapter 1 lmao
yeah he’d be that kid who always sleeps in class
or is playing games on his phone behind an open textbook
he literally doesn’t listen to what the teacher is saying at all - or at least that’s what he wants you to think
man is a god at multitasking and his seatmate would snicker because he’s crushing his enemies at a phone game, but then gojo coolly corrects the teacher about history or something
he’s pretty laid back tbh
but when he’s got everyone’s attention on him? ofc he’d show off
basketball meats are wild. even students from neighbouring schools would visit just to see gojo play - and he’s not even an official member! the coach just asked him to replace a sick player but boy won that champion shot
omg BASKETBALL PLAYER GOJO I CAN’T
but he pretty much excels at everything
except cooking class, gosh, don’t ever bring this man anywhere near a fire. that’s probably the only thing that really got him to detention this time because he always somehow talks himself out of getting that red card with his words and charm
also that kid that would receive lots of confession letters, chocolates, and random gifts in his shoe lockers
he knows he’s handsome and he’s not shy about it. in fact, he’s shameless when it comes to his allure on people
but he also doesn’t really date anyone (it’s canon this man won’t stay loyal to a single woman lmao)
if he and megumi were classmates, they’d be sort of rivals
megumi would always come on top of class, but gojo is just a breath away from the former’s perfect marks. if it only weren’t for megumi’s squeaky clean record and reputation - whereas satoru’s is TAINTED as heck - and the fact that gojo doesn’t really study as much as gumi, then yeah he’d also be top of the class if he wanted to
on a much more serious note,,,gojo acts like nothing really bothers him and he’s simply that effortless
but i feel like he grew up with tutors from a very young age and that’s how his natural intelligence was just further improved and increased with that type of environment in his childhood
and unlike megumi, i don’t think gojo would really have a set goal in mind on who he wants to be or what he wants to do in the future
he’d just be enjoying the moment <3
in conclusion: gojo satoru is the effortless god!
satoru’s role: the lazy king everyone is envious of 
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𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐔𝐑𝐔
the playboy
you can’t argue with me on this one
he just is, i feel it deep in my SOUL he just is
moment he walks in, all classy and suave aura and all, you can honestly smell and taste the amount of confidence that drips from him
probably came from a well-off family
probably the mayor’s kid lmao and he’s been used to the attention ever since he was young
much like megumi, he’s not really the type to show off his intelligence
and similar to gojo, people are surprised he’s actually got them brain cells just because everyone is more focused on his appearance first
like who would expect this tall hunk beautiful beast of a man with long hair and piercings actually liked classic novels and could effortlessly recite sonatas and poems in different languages
yeah i headcannon that getou is an intellectual, cultured man
ofc having long hair and piercings isn’t allowed in his school, but because he’s geto and the school knows about his family’s influence, they just let it slide
probably comes late to school too
he eats in the cafeteria, but you don’t really see him indulge much. some days, he’ll have his own fancy bento box prepared by a family chef, but geto is actually pretty simple and humble that he also buys packed bread or canned coffee 
takes the library volunteer by surprise when he drops by one friday after class to borrow an old classic novel that even your professors had a hard time analysing
but geto’s like, “oh this? yeah i last read it when i was thirteen, thought i’d read it again”
IDK WHY but I can see him as sort of breaking the rules when it comes to the school uniform
top three buttons of his shirt open when he’s feeling hot or something
doesn’t really keep his tie that tight too
but overall, geto is a composed and well-put together guy
i just can’t picture him slacking when it comes to his appearance, he’s too fancy and pretty for that
he’s also similar to megumi in a way people find it hard to approach them, but most definitely, geto also receives confessions often 
i can see him dating someone after being interested in someone in school and actually being serious with them unlike gojo
then they would be “that” couple that’re just so couple goals
not the type that goes overboard with pda and pulls off the angry face emoji when they hear someone talking about them and they’re like, “NO HE’S MINE”
okay that’s cringe but i legit witnessed that way too many times in high school yall cant blame me lmao
but they’d be more like the chill laid back couple that supports each other in everything and you can just tell they have a happy, healthy relationship
(oh to be getou’s girlfriend in high school and his first love and all his firsts)
in conclusion: getou suguru is the unpredictable!
getou’s role is: that one classmate you really admire but he’s so far out your league but he’s genuinely a good guy anyway so you’re happy for him no matter what <3
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𝐑𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐔𝐍𝐀
okay okay hear me out but...the stoner
i really can’t see him any other way guyssss
and if you’re his classmate, you most likely wouldn’t see him that much either
dude is like 2-3 years older than everyone in class and he doesn’t give a shit about it
he’ll come like...once a week, if he’s in the mood enough
teachers don’t even bother scolding him for his tattoos anymore because there’s rumours going around he’s the son of a yakuza leader or that he’s a gangster who sells organs or some creepy dark stuff
ofc he doesn’t do that
he just does drugs and gets drunk at most
sukuna doesn’t really have that much friends either. yeah he parties with people and often gets high with some older kids, but he doesn’t genuinely enjoy their companies either
would totally come to school with his uniform unironed
red-eyed from his high and naps at the back of the class, making the teacher soften their voice in fear of waking him up
also doesn’t have a pen or paper
i mean...he doesn’t even bring a bag
fails the exams all the time, making him repeat year by year, and he’s even known for beating his senpai up for something stupid and sending the guy to a hospital where he stays for two weeks
but on the other hand
he’s also freakishly attractive and surprisingly easy to talk to
you probably bumped into him one time and you profusely apologize, but then he notices something about, something odd like, “did you just cut your hair?”
“uhm yes...you noticed?”
sukuna shrugs lazily, “noticed something was different, but whatever. it looks good on you though.”
he’s just soooo nonchalant most of the time, it’s hard to believe he’s actually pretty violent
but yeah this man has anger issues i’m sorry
but with that speaking, i actually don’t see sukuna as a bully with like a gang of his “followers” or that type of jazz
he’s more like the kid that hides under the bleachers or gets high in a storage room while everyone else is occupied with school festivals
it’s a shock he even came, but sukuna just says “free food is always a gift” but ofc it’s not free food...he just steals from the stalls
now here comes the fun part
so now that we know sukuna pretty much is a hopeless case...suddenly, he isn’t? maybe he meets you, the class volunteer who goes out of their way to visit his shabby apartment just to hand him his class work that he’s missed out on
he obviously disses you at first and ignores you, telling you to get lost
but somehow your kindness and persistence has him breaking
now he starts coming to school often, carrying a pack of gum or mint pops because he smells like weed and he’s slightly conscious of himself
this is supposed to be just them being students in high school, but i could honestly sukuna changing colors once he just gets a better grasp of what would be good for him
or maybe something finally interests him and gives answers to his silent questions
i feel like he’s such a troubled kid and just lacks proper care and attention, but once you become his friend and show him you don’t have bad intentions, he’s actually a loyal and decent guy
and when you two finally get close, you eventually gain enough courage to tutor him. sukuna is actually pretty smart too, he just doesn’t like studying, but when you compliment him, oh man, he melts
“yeah, you actually got that right! i told you you could do this!”
tsk,” he scoffs, “that’s all kindergarten shit.”
“if it is, then why haven’t you graduated?”
“shut the fuck up.”
although he sneers, you and sukuna have gotten close enough that you know both of you don’t mean anything bad behind those words and it’s all light hearted teasing
oh and when you ask him to take a picture with you for “high school memories?”
sukuna is disgusted
“get that thing away from my face - did you just take my photo?”
“yeah, you look pretty cute here! i’m so printing this and putting this in my album.”
sukuna is about to scold you even more, but the thought of you putting your photo together - even when he’s frowning in the picture - in something as sentimental as a photo book really has him softening up
would even try - keyword is try - to study more just so you’d stop frowning when you see his paper covered in red marks all over again
and he’d even try cutting down on his weed for the sake of his “health”
ofc he won’t suddenly - or ever, even - become the amazing student megumi is
he’ll still get into trouble because he’s impulsive and has poor coping skills, also he’s not good with words or dealing with his emotions
but on his good days, he’s a pretty funny guy
it just takes a lot to see that side of him, but it’s worth the time and patience
also i was expecting to write funny scenarios or imagines of stoner! sukuna because he’s too high to even hold a proper conversation sometimes but all i got is him saying weird words like “snail trap” or something when you ask him how his day is
would also have that garbled little laugh when he’s so out of it
sukuna will try to be better though, you just need to be patient him
but my GOSH when he finally graduates
he’s going to hide that little smile because deep down, he’s also pretty proud of himself and how far he’s come <3
lol now this makes me want to writer a high school au lololol
in conclusion: yeah he’s the stoner with a good heart 
which is so not canon...this shouldn’t even be a headcanon we know ryoumen sukuna is PURE EVIL but oh well maybe when I’m down from my sukuna high I’ll write him a lot more canonically
898 notes · View notes
leviiattacks · 4 years ago
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levi and erwin as dads with their s/o headcanons please? 🥺
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author note :: anon later came back in another ask and specified they wanted modern levi and erwin so i’ve done that !! i’m working my way through requests and i may not do them all but reminder as always that requests are open ;-) ALSO WOOOH finally time to write erwin.
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levi
he finds it hard to figure out how to be a dad at first because he’s never really had a solid father figure that’s consistently been there. he worries occasionally thinking whether or not he’s doing a good or bad job
but what he knows for certain is that his mother was a great parent and he decides that he’ll be like her because she made him happy when she was around
he enjoys dressing the kids up when they’re super young
like really enjoys it. he loves onesies it’s so odd to you because he just comes back home one day with a snowman onesie, a demon onesie, an angel onesie, ALL THE ONESIES IMAGINABLE???
you have to admit it’s cute
very doting, he’s that dad that’ll pack lunches for his kids without being told to do it by you. he does it because it makes him happy to see the lunch boxes return empty at the end of the day
also loves feedback on his lunches
you’d think he’d be the type to toughen the children up and tell them to not cry over cuts and scrapes but he literally carries around cute band-aids with him in case of injury
does NOT tolerate a messy room.
spring cleaning is a thing and he does not care how much the kids whine they have to participate
teaches them how to use the washing machine, iron, fold their duvets, organise their wardrobes from a young age
still very strict. no sleepovers. he does not trust his children in the hands of anybody.
you scold him for it because ??? the kids need to interact with others ??? but he’s adamant he doesn’t like the idea. no means no.
“if you want a sleepover so bad your friends can come over here. that’s the best you’re getting.”
but you know he says that because he cares. levi would never invite outsiders to the house because of his low tolerance for germs but if he’s willing to do it for his kids then it’s obvious he won’t change his mind on the sleepover rule for their own safety
adding onto this he’s protective, anyone who messes with his kids will have a stern word thrown at their parents
“behaviour like this tends to be learnt in the home so if your kid cusses mine out again i’ll be back and you’ll have to put some money in the swear jar. got it? :-)”
will not put the kids in classes for things like swimming he prefers to teach them himself
“why the hell should i do that when i could spend that time with them? i think my breaststroke is pretty good y’know.”
then he looks at you waiting to agree and when you don’t he grumbles saying you’re just jealous that he can swim better than you
will never get angry at the kids, rarely shouts or argues when around them in general. level headed, sure he gets annoyed because they’re children of course they’ll annoy him at some point but he’ll never take it out on them
as long as they’re happy he doesn’t care about the career they choose
like at all, he’s supportive of anything and everything as long as they become good, genuine people
whatever his children like or show an interest in he’ll buy in bulk - you grimace thinking of the time he showed up with a huge cart of oranges and his literal explanation was “the kids said they like them.”
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erwin
he’s so excited to become a parent, he’s been looking forward to it for a long time and he knows he’ll love talking to his kids and teaching them what he’s learnt through his lifetime
but really that’s his advantage, he finds it easy to understand how his children feel and he sympathizes well with them
does not like negative reinforcement or making his children go through punishments, instead when they do something good he positively reinforces them to encourage that they keep up the good behaviour
big on bedtime stories, wants them to have a love for reading.
“y/n what do i read to them tonight? i have so many choices but i can’t even pick?”
sports, arts, music, extracurricular activities in general
will encourage his children to participate in a hobby but they’re free to choose what it is he doesn’t mind what
if they’re really good and have events or recitals you can bet for a fact that erwin will be sitting proudly in the front row cheering them on
“YOU GOT THE BALL YEAHHH KEEP GOING YES YES YES!!!!”
he’s very out of character because he gets so loud but his enthusiasm never fails to encourage the children or to make you smile
if his child ever gets in trouble at school he’s going to defend them
“so this is the school’s reaction to bullying? i think my child stood up for what was right.”
only if it’s clear his child is in the right though!!
takes them fishing he thinks it’s important to spend quality time together and what better way to spend time by conversing for hours on his boat? sharing life stories and giving them advice
he’s really really busy but will try to find as much time as he can with his children. when he does get free days most of his time is spent talking to them and asking how school’s going
he’s not good at showing affection but when they’re asleep he’ll sometimes kiss their foreheads before leaving the room
“hey, look at you being soft.” you’d tease from the doorway
“i’ve always been soft i just don’t know if they’d be embarrassed by me doing it in public...” his confession catches you off guard because you know the kids wouldn’t mind it
“oh god, you’re their dad have some confidence, they’d love it!!”
he’s really self conscious after hearing that children don’t like affection in front of their peers because he doesn’t want to embarrass them
but the night he admitted that to you he realizes that the kids rush to kiss his cheek more often or to give him a hug
he has a suspicion that they heard what he said, it allows him to learn it’s okay to inquire and ask them questions about what they like and dislike more often
he learns more and more along the way and it’s one long journey but he’s a great father in the end. endlessly supportive he takes the title of father incredibly seriously.
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