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#I do not remember these things for ANY show. at all. I don't have the memory for it
sevsbestfriend · 2 days
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I usually write fics here but I just wanna rant rn.
Sometimes I got to old posts and stuff, either to get new ideas or just see what the fuck is going on with the other side of the fandom.
The people coming to James defense or crazy, like on one hand they are like 'oh he was only human, he grew as a person otherwise how would lily love him?'
We literally have cannon confirmation that the fucking prat didn't stop hexing people, he just learned to hide it better. Sirius and Remus confirmed this when they called Severus a 'special case'. I don't give a shit about them saying he attacked first, you better believe I am attacking first if I come across a guy who has stripped me naked in public when I didn't do shit to him. (Or the other guy who tried to get me killed by bloody werewolf) Like wtf are you even talking about at that point???
Also, Harry comes across a detention report of them hexing another student in their 7th year. So uhm...yeah.
Then they are like 'oh Severus hates him so his memories are biased'
Did you morons even read the books?? Pensive memories are unbiased, any manipulation is extremely apparent as we saw in Slughorns case. So NO they aren't biased that extremely uncomfortable read of SWM? it's fucking canon in its truest sense.
Also, how in the ever living hippogryph does a guy who strips people naked for fun change so much that he becomes head boy??
It's pretty simple, he doesn't. He learns to hide it better and given the fact that this person has always been given the benefit of the doubt, it is very easy for them to their nature.
Dude had a map that showed him everyone's real time location and an invisibility cloak, he could damn well harass anyone in isolated corners of the castle if he wished. Which is exactly what he did.
Also, these people love to claim how 'lily only approved of him cause he changed.'
To that I say, Who the fuck is Lily?? Mother Teresa??
How is she the ultimate decider of what is good and bad and at the same time, completely right in dating someone who stripped another student makes after a year (or 2) of the event??
Don't get me wrong, she doesn't owe Severus anything, really, but seriously this is just ridiculous. Like if I was a woman, I would be genuinely terrified of someone like that, especially when they got away with no real consequences what so ever.
James was a prick with a very good PR team for friends and teachers. That's really it, it is often said that good looking people can get away with a lot of things and James is just a prime example of that.
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Also...BRAVE?? Dude had 2 cheat items and the advantage of a Pureblood upbringing and was still too PUSSY to face Severus alone. Yeah..what a real Gryphindor that one. Scrams bravery to you doesn't it? He did this all the way till 17, so yeah he definitely was super important in the order right??
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Dumbledore invested quite a bit in the Marauders with his blatant favoritism and letting a werewolf in the school risking his own position as a headmaster.
And...they all turned to be bloody useless. With only James being useful because of his participation in the birth of Harry Potter.
Sirius in his madness derailed a murder investigation for a fucking decade.
Remus, I genuinely can't remember anything substantial Remus did, except for letting someone he believed was a murderer into Hogwarts and never telling Dumbledore that they were Animagus to begin with.
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Seriously, the most useful person in the war had to literally beg on his knees for the man to use him. Even fate was like, for fucks sake, just give this guy a chance already.
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haologram · 1 day
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araneae 🕸️ k.sy (teaser)
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🕸️ synopsis: when you realize your friend (with benefits) actually has feelings for you, a tangled web of lies and avoidance ensues. 🕸️ genre: friends with benefits au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers because it's the only trope ever ; ta x student dynamics ; fluff, angst & eventual smut (surprise?) 🕸️ pairing: zoology ta!kwon soonyoung x marine biology major!reader | side pairings: joshua hong x sana minatozaki ; vernon chwe x roh jisun (fromis_9) ; mentions of reader x yuta nakamoto (nct) 🕸️ word count: 2.8k | full fic: i don't fuckin' know but hopefully under 20k. 🕸️ rating: 18+. minors do not interact i beg. 🕸️ warnings: mentions of knife play (none involved), alcohol, mentions of protected sex (dw it'll get freaky later), mentions of cum, loss of virginity talk, mentions of marijuana (stoner!hoshi be off the honeypacks!!), they're naked for most of this snippet. a lot of parties later in the fic, just wait LOL. 🕸️ what to listen to: good kisser - usher ; magic stick - lil' kim ; more to come.
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LAST YEAR – Sunday, October 23.
You were never opposed to a nice Halloween party. Lots of thematic drinks, stupid boys dressed as Ghostface trying to explore knife kinks, and girls going all out with their glitter make-up and tinsel in their hair for the optimal fairy costume. 
You loved a good Halloween party, music blasting out of the speakers that were stolen from the AV Club by the softer version of the Beta Tau Omega brothers. Dancing with strangers in sweat-soaked facades, and waking up with smeared face paint all over your neck and shoulders from whatever disguised hook-up you'd taken home that night.
Last night's rager had to have been one for the books, because you have no idea how you ended up in this absolute mess of a bedroom – owned by none other than your close friend, Kwon Soonyoung. The same Kwon Soonyoung who also happens to TA the class you've put off taking for the last two years, and are set to start taking the upcoming spring semester.
The same Kwon Soonyoung that was related to the wife of the Dean, and the same Kwon Soonyoung that showed up everywhere stoned or ready to get stoned. The very same Kwon Soonyoung that made infused pre-rolls and edibles for nearly the entire campus…for free. Even you could see that was a horrible business call, and you were a Science major.
Soonyoung who helped people sneak kittens into their dorm rooms and make homes for them under lofted beds. Soonyoung, who taught a dance class and self-defense class back to back, so he was never free until after nine at night. Soonyoung who made hanging out seem like he was trying to get into your pants because he was just naturally flirtatious (and somehow, still absolutely bitchless.)
Soonyoung who you've kissed twice since meeting him two years ago, both times at Halloween parties hosted by his stupid fraternity. Soonyoung, who has had his hand up your skirt twice before someone interrupts you by asking if he has any weed at hand. He always does, and it's always in his car or his bedroom. He always goes, and a part of you, no matter how into it you may be, knows it's for the best. He keeps his circle small, of friends that is. You were added to the mix sometime after your first Halloween party (and first kiss together) your  freshman year, when he slammed into you in the middle of the economics hallway, breaking your laptop in the process. He'd felt so bad he took you to Best Buy that same night and shelled out two grand for a new one and even invited you out to lunch the next day.
He did not remember making out at all. To be fair, neither did you until the digital photos came back and he texted you a picture of the two of you kissing against the Beta Tau insignia on the wall. You were so embarrassed you avoided him for a week after, but he quickly forced you out of your dorm for a movie night. The two of you became fast friends, bonding over silly little things and enjoying each other's company – but it didn't stop the rumors from flying that you were a freshman stealing a guy from the sophomores. 
You remember that he adamantly denied any and every dating rumor flung your way, and even went as far as distancing himself from you for a bit – but when you tried to pull the same move he had earlier that year, he said maybe it was best for the two of you to remain friends from a distance. You didn't speak to him for the rest of the year, choosing to spend your time with friends your age and even dating a transfer student named Yuta Nakamoto, who was also in Soonyoung's year.
When word got around, Soonyoung was pissed – but didn't attempt to rekindle your friendship. He still followed you on Instagram, and still felt a bit of anger puddle in his stomach as he liked photo after photo of the two of you together, biting his tongue at the empty smile you held by his side.
This continued well into summer, and he saw the two of you take a trip to Jeju Island together, before breaking up the following week. Soonyoung heard from your friend, Nagyung, that he was transferring back and neither of you wanted to try long-distance. 
The following school year, he watched as you got recruited by sorority after sorority – eventually joining his frat's sister sorority, Alpha Sigma Delta. You hardly had to rush, the girls actively pushing you to pledge and you were far too nice to say no. 
You saw him again for the first time at the Halloween party planning, when you and your fellow pledges were tasked with helping the frat pledges in hauling in liquor. You weren't very happy about it, but Soonyoung whisked you away without a word from you, telling everyone that he needed your help with a certain task.
That task? "Can we talk?"
And you did. You talked, and talked, and talked. He even left at one point to get drinks for the two of you, returning to you fishing through his bag of pre-rolls for the ones infused with lemon balm. He smiled, telling you they were in his car, and you rolled your eyes at it.
You kissed at that party, too. It went further this time – the two of you on Seungcheol's balcony. The idea had been to go up to the roof and get crossed, but it seems a rather tipsy Soonyoung had other ideas. You didn't mind it, in fact you encouraged it – you slipped his hand up your latex dress, you let him slip your panties down your legs. "Hey, Hoshi! Do you have any pre-rolls?!" 
Just as he'd started undoing his pants.
"Fuck, I'm sorry baby."
"It's fine."
You passed out in his bedroom that time, too tired to go back to the sorority house with your sisters. You got out of clean-up, and Soonyoung left you a kimbap roll and an electrolyte drink on his nightstand, with a note asking how you got there 'haha.' 
It hadn't been fine. Again, neither of you remembered this happening until digitals were printed. And it was freshman year all over again – except this time, Soonyoung stuck around. Soonyoung defended you tooth and nail, and even dropped a few of his friends that bad-mouthed you. When you asked him about it, he shrugged, "Nothing wrong with kissing your friends every once in a while." So, here you are. Again.
The third year in a row you and your stupid friend have made out, and somehow, you're in his bed. There's no other explanation as for why your underwear is across the room, hanging off his lamp and why his head is gently laying on your chest. There's literally no other explanation.
"Soonyoung." You rasp, patting his cheek. He doesn't stir, but pouts into your bare breast. "Soonyoung." You speak louder, shaking him slightly as he peels open one of his eyes. 
"Yeah?" It takes him a moment to realize that it's you, sprinkled with glitter from his eye look last night and practically doused in his saliva.
"Oh, fuck." He just furrows his brows, rolling off your chest with a groan. He sits up at the edge of the bed, surveying the room before realizing he's got no pants on. "Son of a bitch. Did we…Yup. Yup, it's right there." His painted fingernails point at the discarded condom atop his dresser, flung hastily in a half-asleep attempt, most likely. You sigh, letting your head fall back on your pillow with a hmph. He does the same, his fingers only reaching up slightly to close the blinds with a jerk of the liftcord.
"You think it was good?" You ask with a small smile, and he snorts. "It was with you, I doubt it would've been bad."
Silence permeates the air again, before he sees your bare bottom half also covered in glitter. You have a tattoo on your hip that you didn't have when you first met. It's a stick-and-poke kitten. "Nice tattoo." "Thanks, I got it on Jeju Island." "When you and Yuta went?" "Yup." "Cool." He sits up, peering down at you with tired eyes. "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"
"Hm?" "Yuta." "Oh. You want the truth?" It's like being nude in front of each other isn't a big deal. It's like having slept together after years of being in limbo means nothing. It's all so normal, the way you allow him to practically eye fuck you.
"I was sad you stopped being my friend." He blinks at you, watching the way you carefully pick at a thread loose in his comforter. You pull it out, discarding it behind you with a soft smile. "Does that answer your question?" "You fucked another guy because I stopped being your friend?" He asks incredulously, and you shrug. "Not just, but it was a large reason."
"You lost your virginity to him." His eyes are wide, and you shrug once more, nodding your head. "Yup." "Did he make you cum?" "Soonyoung-" "Did he?"
You sigh, patting his comforter. "Not the first couple of times, no. He got better at it, though. It was decent." 
Nodding, he clears his throat.
"Do you think I-" "Maybe. I don't know. I don't remember much, just the Pink Whitney Mingyu gave me." "Mingyu does love his Pink Whitney." You flip onto your back again, staring at the glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling. Tucking your hands behind your head, you speak again. "Do you think I went down on you?" "There's lipstick on my tip." "What color?" "Uhh…wine red." You wipe a finger across your bottom lip, the small amount of residue a bloody, Cabernet red. "Hm. Checks out."
The air feels…comfortable.
"Wanna shower?" "Yeah." "Can I shower with you?" "Yeah, Soonie."
The two of you stretch simultaneously, before rolling to the side of the bed and standing up. He grabs the discarded condom off the dresser, holding it like a used tissue and taking it to the bin. You dig through his dresser for a towel, and he fishes out something for you to wear.
"Boxers okay?" "Hm, I prefer briefs." "On me or on you?" "Your underwear choices are your business." He holds up a pair of Spiderman briefs. You bite back your laugh and nod silently, extending your hand for them.
He disappears into his bathroom, flickering lights on and turning the shower head on. "Hot?" "Boiling." "Got it."
The both of you get in, and you close your eyes as the water pelts your back. Soonyoung says nothing as he moves your hair off your shoulders and away from your face, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "You should've asked me." He mumbles, reaching for the shampoo in the caddy behind you. Peeling your eyes open, you look up at him with a confused stare. "Asked you for what?" He shrugs, holding the shampoo bottle upside down over his hand and squirting some out. "I would've made you cum the first time." You snort, shoving his chest lightly. "Yeah, well…you didn't. It's fine." "This isn't weird to you?" "What? Showering together?" "After fucking, yeah." "Could be worse." "How?" "I could be that girl you've been flirting with since last year, wondering when you're going to text her back." "Who? Yujin?" "Yeah." "I'm not flirting with her, what made you think that?" "Stolen glances, flirty touches, you give her pre-rolls all the time." He rolls his eyes as he cards his fingers through your hair, his dull nails scrubbing your scalp gently. Your eyes flutter shut, and he huffs. "I give everyone pre-rolls." "Because you're a horrible business magnate." 
"No, because I'm nice." You smile without opening your eyes, your hands reaching out to touch his chest. His body feels good under your fingertips, you realize. "Are you mad you don't remember any of it?" "Furious." He mutters, gently tilting your head back to wash the soap out. You can't see the way he's looking at the sweet slope of your neck, just barely making out small nips of his teeth across your throat. Your necklace hangs nicely. The rest of the shower remains silent, as he carefully washes you before himself. His attention to detail is insane, the way his fingers hold the washcloth taut so he can feel every inch of you. He has to commit this to memory.
After, you're drying your hair with a random t-shirt he gave you. He remembers you told him that towels can be too rough for your hair texture sometimes. It's only when you're brushing your teeth with a brand new toothbrush he pulled from his cabinets that he speaks. "Let me change my bedsheets." "Don't wanna lay in the sin of fucking your friend, do ya?" The navy blue sheets are quickly replaced by ones with light grey ditsy floral print, and his comforter is shoved off and replaced by a few throw blankets. He watches as you change his pillowcases, only looking away when he hears his phone ping.
Msg From: Cheol [9:32am] hosh [9:32am] who is the girl in ur room and is she missing a pair of cat ears
"What was your costume last night?" He asks, and you snort. "I was a sexy witch." He smiles to himself as he picks up his phone.
Msg To: Cheol [9:33am] not missing a pair of cat ears [9:34am] and it's y/n
Your head snaps up when you hear a pair of feet thundering up the stairs, followed by silence. You give him an odd look, only to hear excited giggles down the hall and the pitter-patter of two adult men coming towards Soonyoung's room. You cross your arms as you hear the door creak open, an expectant look on your face as Jeonghan and Seungcheol's noses appear through the crack. "Hey, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here." Jeonghan remarks sweetly, and you just roll your eyes.
"He wasn't bluffing." He whispers to Seungcheol, receiving an annoyed huff from Soonyoung. "If you're done intruding on my personal business, I'd appreciate it if you left. The pledges still need to clean up last night's mess." Jeonghan gives you a wry look. "Can I say something and you don't get upset?" "If it's about sex, I will punch you in that pretty face of yours." You say pointedly, fluffing the pillow in your hand before throwing it onto his bed. Jeonghan purses his lips, nodding before sliding out from under Seungcheol. He nods his head, a satisfied look on his face. "Have a good…don't fuck too loud, okay?" Soonyoung barely misses Seungcheol's face with the charger he throws across the room, his giggle being heard in the hallway as he barrels down the stairs.
"Idiots." He huffs, running a hand through his damp hair as you flop onto the bed. "You don't mind if I stay here a bit? My head's killing me."
He lays down next to you, a sigh escaping his lips.
"You okay, Soonie?" Turning only his head, he scans your face. Tired eyes lined with thick lashes, plump lips covered by the Aquaphor in his bathroom. Slightly unkempt brows and your shoulder tattoo peeking out from the collar of his shirt on your frame.
"Kitty?" You grimace at the pet name, one he christened you with when the two of you met. He'd been dressed up as a cowboy, and dancing with a skeleton that was stolen from the comparative anatomy students (with the help of Junhui, of course.) He also had a lit joint between his fingers, one that sprinkled ash over your newly healed shoulder tattoo and made you yelp in pain.
"Shit, I'm sorry, kitty." He quickly put it out in a nearby ashtray, dusting your shoulder of any ash residue. "It's fine, it's fine. Just…can I get a hit?"
"Yeah?" He sits up, leaning against his bed frame before looking down at you.  "Would it be weird if I asked to try again?"
You glance up at him, an amused smile playing on your lips. "Try what again, exactly?"
He clears his throat, a beet red blush coating his cheeks. "You said Yuta didn't make you cum. And we don't know if I made you cum. So…can I have a redemption round?"
You've sat up at this point, a small laugh falling from your lips as you push your hair back, "You want to fuck me?"
"I can just go down on you, if, uh…if that's what you'd prefer." He stutters, mentally cursing himself. You glance at him, eyes scanning his face. "And we're still friends after this? You won't dump me?"
"I won't. I promise. Cross my heart, kitty." He holds his pinky finger out, insinuating you link yours. Sighing, you do just that. "Fine. Hop to, I want breakfast."
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haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.
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buddiebeginz · 2 days
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Fandom I'm begging you all to wait and see how the season plays out. Everything right now seems to be pointing towards Buddie and sure I could be wrong but I also think it would be the shows downfall if they didn't make Buddie happen this season and I think Tim and abc know that.
This isn't just about catering to fandom whims this is that since right before s7 they've done so much to put focus on Buddie way more than with any season before. Deliberate choices have been made that if they're not leading to Buddie can't not be seen as queerbaiting. And yes a show with queer characters can still queerbait if they're using a popular queer ship to garner attention and views. Though I don't think that's what's happening here.
The only reason I think more didn't happen with Buddie last season is because the season was short and they got renewed for s8 early. You can tell if you watch from eps 1-6 that they were leading somewhere with Buddie (they had them singing a karaoke love song ffs) but changed gears after getting renewed for s8. At the same time Tim still didn't put more development or focus on b/t so it's not that Buddie happening was shelved (as in it's never happening) it was just paused.
Also I see people spiraling about that pic Ryan posted assuming because he's in a robe and because he put "Don Diaz" on it that it's a reference to Don Juan and this means Eddie is going to be hooking up with a bunch of women. I just don't see that happening. Ryan could have easily just been making a joke or trying to mess with fandom or it could mean nothing. It could be a Godfather reference. Or it could be something like Eddie tries to hook up with a random girl and he just can't do it and then that leads to him talking to the priest. Unfortunately we aren't going to know what that pic really means until the episode airs.
I know we've all been burned by the show (and other shows) before and I get being nervous about what could happen this season. But remember that Buck was supposed to come out in s4 (this has been confirmed by Oliver) and Eddie in s5 (this has been confirmed by the the insider) and presumably that's when Buddie would have happened. Buddie has been in the works for years. The main thing stopping it before was Fox and last season it was just too short to have Buck to come out, Eddie come out, and then Buddie to happen. 10 eps was just not enough time to tell such huge important stories for the show and these characters.
I know Tim and others behind the scenes of the show have made decisions we haven't always loved and maybe it's naive of me to still have trust in them after all this time but it's not just that. I see the signs. If I had seen more effort being put into b/t last season and into promoting them as a couple and especially if I saw that happening this season I'd be a lot more skeptical about the likelihood of Buddie ever happening. But I haven't seen any of that.
This season Tim has talked about how b/t are still together but he doesn't talk about the ship like it's this important thing, he talks about it like T*mmy is just like any other person Buck has dated. Meanwhile Eddie is ALWAYS mentioned when b/t are talked about including by Tim. Networks and showrunners know how to handle these kinds of things. If they wanted to minimize the attention Buddie gets they would have done so. We know this because that's exactly what they did in past seasons while they were with Fox, particularly after Tim left. Instead though since last season they've actually been putting more attention on Buddie, Ryan, and Oliver.
Like I said I get being nervous that something we've all hoped for for a long time might not happen. I know that Buddie and Eddie coming out means more to a lot of us than just some fictional characters and a ship. I know a lot of us see ourselves in them and we also see how important and groundbreaking in a way it will be when they finally go canon. I get why the anxiety around this season is heightened probably more so than any other season before it. We've never been as close to Buddie happening as we are now and that's so exciting but also scary.
But this is why I think we need to take every bts and spoiler etc that we get from the show and people involved in it (including the journalists who review it) with a grain of salt. We just aren't going to know what each episode is about until we watch them. Even when the season starts we need to remember to let the story play out. We might see things we won't like with b/t or Eddie in 801 but there will still be 17 more eps to get through where anything could happen.
We are so lucky that 911 is still on the air with most of the original cast still there and not looking to leave. That all the people that matter Tim, Oliver, and Ryan have all spoken out in support of Buddie happening. I've shipped non canon ships before that just were never going to happen, where showrunners and actors literally made fun of the fans for even shipping it. That's not what's happening with 911. Buddie now is being treated like a legitimate possibility we just have to be patient.
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vladdyissues · 3 days
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I don't know how you do it, Dude, I'm afraid to say that I'm attracted to pompous pep since I know it's wrong to ship a minor and an adult, People are cruel to death, Nobody knows what I like, I hide among the anonymous messages of the internet, Sometimes I see people like you who have their account free mind, People talk very badly about accounts like you, even putting them in places in the fandom to talk badly about them, Fear runs through me, I want to draw pompous Pep, Maybe I'm not attracted to the sexual, But I really feel like it's wrong and it hurts me
You've been at this for a while, right? Your account is full of pompous Pep (I secretly love your account), How did you manage to have the courage to show yourself?, People look at you badly, say bad things, that you are a sick pedophile and that...How do you achieve this without fear???, are you so brave or god 😭
1️⃣ I'm from old school fandom—pre-Twitter, pre-AO3, pre-Internet-as-we-now-know-it. I've learned to not give a fuck about what stupid, ignorant, uninformed people say on the Internet.
2️⃣ It's not my job to educate or "convert" people who disagree with me. I'm not a missionary. I'm here to have fun, and no one is going to spoil that for me.
3️⃣ I—and you, and anyone else reading this—don't owe anyone on the Internet an explanation, a reason, or any kind of justification for writing stories or drawing pictures of fictional cartoon characters smooching. (It's all so silly, honestly. I have real things to care about, like bills and pets and laundry. I envy people who have nothing to stress about except ink and paint from a 20-year-old Nickelodeon show.)
4️⃣ The media—specifically, the fictional entertainment—we enjoy is not a reflection of our humanity, morality, or an indication of our personal beliefs. If that were true, the police would be arresting authors like Stephen King and George RR Martin for writing about underage sex and incest and gore, as well as anyone who enjoys their works.
You know who does believe that reading something will "pervert" you, or that enjoying "dark things" like murder and violence and age gap ships means you must secretly be committing those things in real life? Fascists. Conservatives. Right-wing nationalist fundamentalist Christian types. People who want to ban queer books from libraries and call anyone who disagrees with them "pedophiles" and "groomers". Remember that the next time you see one of these fandom cops screeching about how so-and-so is a "pedo" because they ship two cartoons. These are people on the wrong side of history. They're anti-intellectual, anti-education, and pro-censorship. Get away from them as fast as you can.
Anon, if it seems like a lot of your friends (or the people you're around) are hating on something you want to enjoy and making you feel unsafe to talk about the things you like, then you need to find better friends. Leave them. Block them. Add their usernames to your content filters so you never have to see their ugly, hateful opinions ever again. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life, especially here on Tumblr, where we're all trying to find things that make us happy and celebrate others' creative works. Life's too short to hang around shitty people 💩
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jazeswhbhaven · 2 days
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An Unsightly Guy | React | Spoilers
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It's Day 7 and 8 lovelies!!! And boy do we have some great content ahead especially in day 8 lol
It seems though the momentum on this event has slowed down and I think it's mostly due to the fact that it's so drawn out and so far there's nothing really "exciting" happening.
But that seems to be the case with these events like the hype is high the first two to three days and after it's like s p l o o t.
I think if this was a Amy only event and the card had an adore mode people would be more excited about it.
But that's just my ramblings forgive me.
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So we're back with Sitri being on his BS when seeing Amy at any given moment lol But before this they were just staring at each other quietly again like my favorite gif that ya'll often see.
but if i'm being honestly Sitri and I have the same brain cell here because I can't stand other's hot ass breath on me even if it doesn't smell bad because why??? are??? you this damn close???
So Amy ofc tells Sitri that he's breathing like that because he's hurt. Fair but this man don't give a shit lol
He goes over to him to access the damage I assume because it turns out even though the forest is torn up there's more angel bodies dead than devil bodies. They remained victorious.
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I love how Amy's subordinates are always worried about him and it shows solidarity for their leader. But yeah Sitri also has this thing about him where he shows care for everyone else except the person he dislikes this being Amy.
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That's from him being up in Hades. I swear to ya'll it is. That snooty ass attitude rubbed off so badly Sitri can't help but reflect that back into the universe
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STOP
the height difference, how the sprites are close to each other, Amy being a foul mouth demon that he is...I really can't get away from my cxc ship bullshit ever when they do things like this lol
I do however like that Amy is a punk. Just mouthing off and cursing any time he can.
that's why Astra likes to provoke him too
But Sitri just simply tells him to stop bitching because the pain is proof that he's alive. So Amy takes this opportunity to one up on this moment because of what happened a few days ago
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first of all, Amy is adorable. I just wanna tap his booba and tell him he's doing great.
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Sitri gets pissed off though because it's the exact same thing he told him when he arrived a few days back when he had to save that devil boy from his commando unit. As much as he didn't want to admit it, he had this one coming. An eye for an eye basically and Amy came and showed out.
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So a couple things about this.
Remember what they said about him here, not usually being foul-mouthed and foul-tempered for a bit. You'll see where I'm getting at later.
Second. This is the pronoun thing I was referring to, which now has me thinking that maybe Sitri didn't mean "her" on day 6 and that was possibly just a mistake on the translating/writing part.
Though I am still wondering what incident caused him to be very angry back then where he had to smack himself back to reality to keep from focusing on it.
And while this little interaction is going on, the devils around them are gossiping about how Sitri and Amy always found time to fight each other even in situations like this.
But I think they forgot the part where Sitri can fucking hear them lmaooo because he was quietly stewing in annoyance by the entire thing, so much he had to think about when he and Amy first met.
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So this was centuries ago, and it's wild because I'm like wait it's been that long for them holy shit my life is fleeting because to me a decade blinking by is so long.
A bit of lore about Satan btw, this was a time where he barely had an army, so it must have been he first came into power as a king. (we really need that backstory honestly) And went around scouting for willing participants even neighboring countries.
They also bring up that devils who saw him traveling around decided to join because they loved his energy.
When I think about this it's wild that Satan had to foot for his own army. This leads me to believe Gehenna was low due to the amount of deaths, or perhaps something happened with the previous king that caused this.
Either way, the babes did his thing and now he's got more than enough helping him during the battles. Picturing him recruiting folks though is cute because I imagine he's a great motivational speaker or just "hey join me btw" and it just works.
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So the instructors didn't even notice Sitri because well in their defense they hadn't seen him yet. So of course they see this pretty, "slender" looking devil show up with his hair all nice and pushed back and is just like "aye so???"
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He introduces himself and then that's when everyone starts acting accordingly and seeing him as a superior. But I mean that's why he was nice about it anyway because to him, they should be wary of someone they hadn't seen before and Gehenna needs that type of energy.
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So now that we're in day 8 there's a few things I wanted to point out. One of them being the breadcrumb here that Hades had a fully formed solid military. That means...Leviathan is either the same age as Satan or a bit older, or he is younger than him but he's just better efficient with managing devils with his strict ass.
Sitri though see's Satan's army as an advantage. Because the Gehenna devils are flexible and free but also disciplined. That leads me to believe that it's only really fear and power that Leviathan uses to make sure that everyone in his military doesn't fuck things over. It makes sense, given Levi doesn't really have a carefree personality. There's too much trauma in there for him to break down that wall.
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So while Sitri was daydreaming about his plans for leading Satan's army...someone...i think we know who fucking spits in his direction...
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Now the reason he's pulling this face again is because he stepped into the spit. And I'm sitting here like ?????? I get it.
Again, like imagine just minding your business and someone just hacks a fucking loogie on the ground and you step in it. With your good shoes at that.
I'd be so disgusted like??? IRL bodily functions even my own gross me out easily so I apologize if anyone ever feels offended by me having strong opinion's about things we can't help. It's just me ya'll I live in pain constantly due to this.
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Yup, it was Amy ya'll lmao big surprise.
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So the reason Amy wasn't reading the room here, is because he felt like he didn't need to due to his status as a solider and being recently done with training. He was really good at what he does, so he felt anything else was not worth paying attention to.
Including spitting in the direction of your superior.
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Now remember when I told ya'll to keep in mind that they said Amy wasn't usually foul mouth or foul tempered?
Then what the hell is this? Lmao
I get it, people change and well devils ain't got nothin' but time so perhaps Amy did mellow out with age and he was much younger here so that "I don't need to listen or do jack shit that ain't got to do with Satan" was very heavy. So ofcourse he'd pick a fight with everyone else.
But them expect Sitri to deal with it because he was nice to everyone?
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Nah. He about that life.
He pretty much said "fuck you" without actually saying it and spat ON Amy. Mind you, Amy didn't even spit on him directly just in his walking path.
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Yeah...?
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That goddamn fucking smirk I'm going to lovingly kick his ass because Levi PLS
You're telling me he literally took this man, molded him into a Levi clone and sent him back out like that in Gehenna? I feel this is deliberate lmao "You sent me someone and gave me work to do so here you go here's your present <3"
Imagine all of the ass kicking Satan had to do in order to fix that attitude? Phew...I bet he was like "Again?"
now ya'll know why Cain is always on that everyone is stupid to me energy because look who he takes after?
I just find it hilarious that Sitri took that personally, because Levi would take that personally. If fact Levi wouldn't even spit on Amy back he'd just fucking hang him for being disgusting LOL
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i couldn't resist.
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So with Amy it was on sight, because trust, if someone spat on my face I'd be swinging too because clearly you want to disrespect me
Like ya'll think about it?
All he did was just spit on the ground and Sitri wasn't paying attention and stepped in it. He didn't spit directly on him.
small story time but it reminds me of a story i was told that i ripped up a boy's classwork in kindergarten because he tore my page on the corner as a "joke". i legit took his page and ripped it up. apparently i was on demon mode lmao
But now we're really starting to see the meat and potatoes of their dynamic. Sitri actually started it and ran with it. He saw the spit as disrespect and intentional when Amy sees it as "this dude fucking spit on me now we have beef"
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So they're having this little interaction of Amy trying to punch Sitri, and because Sitri's ability to hear his heart and his muscles swell before he makes the movement he can dodge him without problem. But Amy is robust and not clumsy so he doesn't do the comical falling forward thing most of us see in cartoons.
Sitri is annoyed though because he sees the potential in Amy and his talent, he simply just doesn't like that attitude and sees it as a problem.
This is definitely Levi vibes.
So the next time Amy goes for him, he actually trips him so he falls. And it ends there.
Mannnnnnnnn this is a whole trip and a half. Like imagine if Sitri would have just simply ignored the spit and just dismissed Amy's bad attitude? I wonder if that would of even helped or if Amy would have done something to annoy Sitri later that would start the same beef regardless.
Imagine.
Centuries old beef because someone stepped in spit.
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Negotiations (Joe Goldberg x gn reader)
Summary: Joe puts you in the glass cage and makes you negotiate for your freedom
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Warnings: typical creepy Joe behavior (implied stalking, obsessive behavior, kidnapping, etc.), the reader either doesn't understand the full gravity of their situation or just doesn't care
A/N: I realized I never officially wrote something for it so here y'all go (this was written super quickly so idk if it's any good or not)
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"So I had to do it, you see. I had to get rid of them. I had to save you," Joe insisted frantically, sounding like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was you.
You'd woken up in the infamous glass cage underneath the bookstore he worked at, curiously looking around. The only thing you'd said so far was to ask where to you, to which he replied "somewhere safe". Talk about ominous.
"What if I need to go to the bathroom?" You spoke up suddenly, as you soon realized upon inspecting the inside of your new home that there wasn't a toilet. There was, however, a bucket.
"Well..." He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck as he avoided the question. It didn't take much for you to put two and two together.
You gave him a look that was a cross between disgust and disbelief. "I can't pee in a bucket, Joe."
"I'm sorry, but I can't just let you out." He felt bad, sure, but he had to do this. He had to make sure that you were safe, even if it meant making you a little mad at him.
Crossing your arms, you turned in the opposite direction, refusing to look at him. Clearly you weren't too fond of your new living arrangements and were choosing to pout.
"Oh, come on, it isn't that bad," he lied upfront as he watched you. It was that bad, actually. Using a bucket to go to the bathroom was pretty gross.
And now he was starting to feel bad for putting you in this kind of situation. Anger was one thing, that he could handle. He could brace himself against that, or he rationalize away your worries or fears, but you seemed less genuinely upset and more annoyed than anything else.
He let out a heavy sigh as he contemplated his options. You were ignoring him, and he just couldn't have that. "If I let you out, you have to promise not to run away from me or anything like that. Understood?"
As if on cue, you turned back to face him again, a look of hope in your eyes. "Really?"
Joe tried not to let out a laugh when he saw you get close to the glass and press your face against it. "Yeah, really. Just- you have to move in with me. I don't want you living alone anymore. And I have to know where you are at all times."
Sure, he knew he could just follow you like usual, but he wanted you to be able to trust him. "And there's certain people that I don't want you hanging around anymore. Deal?"
Oh, god, what was he saying? This was going to be too much to put on you all at once. He should've just started with one small thing and gone from there, he shouldn't have given you an entire list-
"Deal."
Your voice instantly cut through his thoughts. Part of him wanted to believe you, even if he was a little suspicious that you'd agreed so quickly. Then again, you seemed so sincere, trusting even, observing him the same way anyone who truly loved their partner would: like he was the only thing that mattered.
"Could you let me out now? I really need to go pee."
Rolling his eyes, he made his way over to the door of the cage and unlocked it, letting you out. "Remember what I told you, alright? I don't want to have to put you back in there," he tried to make himself sound stern, to show you that he wasn't playing around when he said that.
To his surprise, you responded by giving him a hug. "You're such a sweetheart, caring about me so much," you muttered affectionately.
He couldn't stop himself from melting into your touch. If this was an act, it was certainly working.
"I'll never, ever leave you."
God, you were going to be the death of him. "And I'll never let you go," he promised in turn.
He really meant it when he said that. He was never going to let you go. Not that you seemed to mind.
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End notes: I don't know if this is any good or not honestly. I really wanted to write something for Joe but I was kind of at a loss for what exactly to write about so 🤷 send me some ideas though if y'all want
Likes < reblogs | comments are greatly appreciated | requests are currently open
Main masterlist | You masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?
🏷 taglist: @caplanreblogsfics
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lemotmo · 20 hours
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I'm not sure how you feel about getting these anymore but I thought this was hilarious so wanted to share for you at least to read even if you don't want to post. 😊
Q. I really was trying to hold onto the belief that the show wasn't going to make Eddie gay but it's really hard to see what other storyline is possible given those latest Ryan interviews. I would love to say gay or not the show would just keep Buck and Eddie as platonic best friends but there is zero chance of the show not pairing them together. They really did just use my man as filler until they were ready to tell the Eddie story. That's so gross.
A. Well, anon that's the point of a plot device. Their only reason for being is to move a larger story forward. By definition their filler characters. They have no individual significance or purpose. Their purpose is the story they're being used in. I've been telling you this for months now. Many of us have. He was never going to be anything more than a plot device. The show wasn't subtle about it either. It's been pretty much a connect the dots picture of plot device usage. Go back and watch his scenes in season 7 with this new found realization and I promise it will not be hard to see. And I agree, especially with the context the latest Ryan interviews gave, there's really not any other story it could be. He also confirmed they're not turning him into the new Bobby, and he's not siding with Gerard. So it was nice of him to debunk the latest round of ridiculous takes during the interview. If I could offer you a suggestion though I would encourage you to give the story a chance. If you pay attention to Eddie, and not your fandom people telling you to hate him, you will like him. After all there's a reason you all tried to hijack his entire backstory and history for Tommy. Let yourself enjoy the character those things actually belong too. Let yourself enjoy the actual story.
Oh Nonny! I feel joyous and happy whenever I get another of these posts in my ask box. While I'm asking people to not ask Ali any questions through my blog, I'm still perfectly happy posting her asks here. 😋
Especially since, for most of us, this is the only way to read Ali's posts and we do love her posts very much. So don't hesitate to drop something in my ask box. The only things I don't post about are the direct posts about the BT fandom, but Ali has told me she isn't replying to those posts anymore anyway, so that eliminates that problem.
As for the ask itself...
Yeah, so many of us have been saying this since day one. Tommy was only ever there to help Buck out of that closet. He was never really meant to be anything more than that. Sure, the change of the storyline because of the early renewal, gave Tommy some more time on the show, but that's where it ends.
So yeah, going back to rewatch the previous seasons, knowing what you know now? It will change the way you see Eddie and Eddie and Buck's friendship and maybe you'll find some joy in them. Just let it happen.
IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!
Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.
Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.
If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.
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jiao-ming · 3 days
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Aventurine
From: Honkai Star Rail
Theme: Fluff?
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(Photo from Pinterest)
——— ☆ • ♧ • ♤ • ♧ • ☆ ———
You never really saw a reason to live, all life was is a circle of meaningless. The things you knew about life was that it was better to be feared than be loved.
Ever since you could remember, your life was filled with misfortune. Each time you meet someone, they'll either kill you on site or kill you later on. If you think it'll be different, it wasn't...I wouldn't...
You had a wonderful gift of power, if it was even called a gift. It gives you more of a curse then blessings, everytime someone founds out about them you'll be in danger. So you eliminate the danger as soon as possible, even if you thought they'll be different...
But something stranged happened one day...
You were just chilling on a rooftop of a building in the middle of the night. Then you heard the rooftop door open, you were ready to kill the person but they spoke up to you.
"The rumors say that you'd be in the tallest darkest building in the city..."
You turn your head and face the masculine voice, you saw it was a man who wore expensive clothing. The clothes he wore had designs like of different gambling games, it caught your attention by his bold style.
"What do you want from me."
You said coldy to the male, you didn't want to be here any longer. If he tries to stop you, you'll kill him.
"It's not want, more like a need."
The male says smirking at you as his eyes shine with excitement. This made you confused by his choice of words. Your guard was up, what is he up to.
"Who are you...?"
You said confused with wariness, you already had your gun ready if he tried something.
"I'm Aventurine, part of the IPC—"
You immediately cut him off by shooting him by the side of his head. His eyes widen by the sudden violence.
"IPC huh...I don't associate with any of you people..."
Your eyes glare at him as you spoke harshly towards him, you never liked the IPC. The organization is just pure evil with no good side to you, maybe the way you think about them was because of all your encounters with them. They all acted hostile and violent to you, with the fact of them having a terrible image in the galaxy.
"Come on now, I heard some of my associates were troubled some to you. But I assure you I'm not like them, I communicate other than fighting."
Even after Aventurine said that you still had your guard up, you held your gun up to him if he tries anything. Even the slightest movement will cause Aventurine his life with you, but all he did was smile to this.
"Doesn't matter, you all are the same. If you want something you'll take it by force."
After you said does words Aventurine laughs at it, this made you confused. Why was he so careless of showing his reactions, what was his plan.
"What if I tell you I'll help you find a reason to live."
This caught your attention, why does he know this! How does he know this! Your eyes glare at him harshly, you didn't like what this situation was turning to.
"What do you want in return..."
You said knowing this wouldn't come for free, everything has to come in a price. No matter how big or small it is, you learn it the hard way...
"What I need in return is for you to be part of the IPC,—"
That didn't surprise you, it would make sense on why he would want you to work for the IPC. With your power it would be handy to have someone like you. But the next part of his sentence caught you off guard and left you speechless.
"—and also be my bodyguard."
You look at him like he was a mad man, it wasn't like he was the first person to ask the question of you working for them. But for him to ask you to be his bodyguard!? Now that was new...
"Pardon—What?"
"You heard me! Be my bodyguard and I'll help you find a reason to live."
Was he stupid of something...No he couldn't be! Why would he ask you! Knowing how you're a so called wicked beast who is filled with sin! A known demon among citizens! He could just have hired you to do the dirty work! But he asked you to be his bodyguard! So why!?
"Why, have you heard of me?"
"Of course I did, why wouldn't I ask you to be my bodyguard if I didn't heard the rumors."
So he does know...Then why did he want you still!? Did he have a death wish or something!? Is he a mad man!? Was he manic!? Questions keep flooding your head, but you soon snap out of it when Aventurine spoke out.
"So? What do you say?"
He says with a smirk as he held his hand out for you to shake to agree to the proposal. You stare down at his short height and then to his hand, will it be worth it? Almost everytime someone ask you to work for them you decline them, and if they threaten you, you'd kill them. But now...
"Fine, I accept..."
You said as you walk towards him and shook his hand, this was something that might go terribly wrong. But then again maybe terribly right...Aventurine smirks at your decision, he then pulls out a pin. It's design was similar to his ascetic and a piece of paper, he then hands it to you.
"You'll be under me now, hope you can start work tomorrow."
He says walking away from you while waving, you look at your hand and stare at the paper. It had an address and a number, must be his address and number. You let out a sigh, you wonder if this was a good idea. But what can you do now? What is done is done, now you just have to wait for the out come...
——— ☆ • ♧ • ♤ • ♧ • ☆ ———
Sorry if I got some spelling wrong...
English isn'y first language ╥﹏╥
If you want part 2 ask me!
I'll be happy to write it :3
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storiesfromafan · 15 hours
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Request #2 - Benny Cross
A/N: another request, as per this challenge of mine 😊
@strayrockette, this one is for you! I know I have kept you in the loop on this via messages. And I know you are excited for this!! I can not wait to hear what you think of it 😂
I feel this is a little comicial, some dominance and a trope or two 😅😅
Also, forgive any grammer or spelling mistakes haha.
~~~~~
Character: Benny Cross - The Bikeriders
Place: in the rain
Reason: confessing feelings
Summary: all Benny want's is his Duchess. I don't know why I nicknamed the reader Duchess 😅😅
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Benny didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how you didn’t get the hints he, along with other Vandals, were dropping. It was like you were oblivious. Or you were purposely ignoring him and his feelings. Watching you sitting with a few other Vandal women, drinking a pop and laughing at something Kathy had just said. Benny was fixated on you.
“Come on man, just go up to her and tell her. Would ya!” Cal commented shaking his head, seeing his friend watching you with puppy dog eyes.
For being one of the good looking Vandals, Benny seemed to have the most difficulty putting himself and his intentions on the table. Usually Johnny and the Vandals would be the ones to help him out. And he had gotten their help, with no prevail. You either ignored them or declined any requests. It was starting to frustrate Benny, almost to the point of insanity. All he wanted was for you to be his, and no one else’s. It’s been like that since he first saw you in the bar a few weeks ago.
Benny grunted in disapproval. “I can’t” was his simple reply. The only words he could get out, though his head was swimming with them.
Once more Cal shook his head, clapping Benny on the back. “And that will be ya down fall. If ya worried of rejection man, it ain’t so bad. It will sting for a moment but ya get over it, by getting another pretty little thing under ya".
Turning his gaze from you, Benny shot the earing wearing man a dark look. “There ain’t no other pretty little thing but her" he stated, voice low and dangerous.
Cal held up his hands with a look of surprise on his face, “alright man. But ya gotta do somethin’ already".
Turning back to you, Benny knew he had to do something. Something to get your attention and finally make you his girl. But how? That was the problem. The Vandals had swarmed you to get you on his bike, but you were able to casually take off down the street on foot. When you and Kathy came over to the pool table, you showed interest in the game, so Benny offered to teach you and you politely declined. He sat at your table, all smiles and puppy dog eyes. But you barely noticed him or spoke to him.
He knew what the only thing left to do was, but it was something he feared doing. Rejection was one thing he didn’t like, besides from not riding his bike.
You had been enjoying yourself and the women’s company. The Vandal women loved to swap war stories of their men, and you lapped it up. You’d never laughed so much in your life. Kathy had just been telling the story of when she first came in, and how she was terrified of the men in the bar. And you understood, felling the same when you first entered the place. Not to mentioned the way many of them would slap your behind or ask you out. Funny thing was it only happened the first night, the following visit it was like they were on their best behaviour. Kathy told you it was because of Benny, which you didn’t believe.
“Havin' Benny come up to ya, and ya talked to him, all the other animals know not to come sniffin' ‘round" you recall her words the next day when you stopped at her house.
When you recall your first visit, you remember how a body had fallen into the free seat next to you. Kathy had looked to the new comer, before you turned your gaze to them. You were greeted to the sight of the most breathtaking man. Beautiful blue eyes staring right at you, a warm toothy smile on his gorgeous face. Sharp cheek bones, and strong jaw that was covered in stubble. Which matched the dirty blonde mop on his head, in an effortless mess.
“Hey...I’m Benny", his voice was deep and like music to your ears. Sending a delightful shiver down your spine.
You swallowed, trying to focus on Benny and what he had said. “H-hi, I’m...I’m...” you sputtered out, not recalling your own name. Which made Benny chuckle.
You faintly remember hearing Kathy speak, as you were centred on the male next to you. “Her names (Y/N)” Kathy stated with amusement, before laughing when you nodded.
“(Y/N), huh?” – again you nodded, liking how it sounded coming from Benny’s lips – “that’s a pretty name". And from there you were a goner.
At the end of that night, when you realised it was getting late, you headed out of the bar to hopefully make the last bus. Not long after you’d left, Benny came out. You couldn’t help watching how he crossed the road, the way he kind of dragged his boot clad feet. Not to mentioned how he lit a cigarette effortlessly, flicking his hand holding the lighter, shutting it with a click and extinguishing its flame before putting it back in his jacket breast pocket. Then the way he took a drag before his fingers drew it from those sinful lips. And when he exhaled, dear lord.
You were teetering on your feet, thankfully there was a street sign next to you. So you used it to keep yourself propped up. Or else you would have ended up on your face. Reaching his bike, Benny swung a leg over. Taking a moment to stand there with the bike between his legs, before putting up the kickstand and then bringing his foot down to start the bike. You jumped when the bike roared to life. Only then did Benny sit down on the seat, going back to smoking his cigarette. Yet you swear he looked back at you, though you couldn’t be certain.
You admired how he sat upon his bike. Eyes roaming over his jacket clad back, reading over his colours. His waist, thighs and legs, all so appealing. Not long after, the bar doors opened, and out poured various Vandals and their women. They were laughing and shouting. Even starting to cross the street. Your brain kicked back in then, and you began to move along the street. Yet they continued to follow, but you were a little quicker and a head of them. For you kept walking down the street and away from the bar, a little panicked and frazzled.
It didn’t take long for them to stop, just about a meter from Benny and his bike. A few – Corky and Wahoo – continued to called out to you. Only then did you slow down, turning around to look back. Most were heading back to the bar, still laughing and talking with each other. Looking to Benny, that was when you saw him looking at you. Even from your distance you could tell it was an intense look upon his face. His body sat there stiffly, like he was unhappy. Yet you didn’t linger on him for too long, yet tempted to go back and see if he was alright. But you had to get home, and that last bus was your only chance. So you turned around and left.
You recall that moment well, as you rode the bus home you let yourself think of Benny. The gorgeous Vandal, that seemed interest in you. And you let yourself hopelessly daydream about him. Before thinking back to the advice your mother had given you when it came to men. You can’t let them think they have you, you have to play hard to get. Be interested but not too interested. Flirt with them, but don’t make it obvious. You want them eating out of the palm of your hand.
So, you followed that advice. You showed interest in pool, when you and Kathy went over to that side of the bar. Right away Benny had offered to teach you. So you declined, that was being interested but not too interested. When he would sit with you, you would hardly notice him or talk to him. You played it aloof, though you wanted to just melt over him.
“Don’t look now, but Benny’s watchin' ya again" commented Gale with a small smirk. “How long do ya think it will be before he comes over?”
The women laughed, while you softly blushed. You knew she was right. He always watched you for so long before coming over and sitting with you. It was like a ritual with him. Yet he never made a move, well not to your knowledge anyways. Sometimes you think he’s interested, while other times you think otherwise. All you wanted to know for sure is if he wanted you or not.
You went back to drinking your pop while listening to the women go on. First a bit more teasing about Benny, before changing subjects when an argument broke out at the bar between a few other men. Kathy continued to call the Vandals animals, which made the other women laugh. That lead to more stories on different times there had been fights or arguments in the bar. You only half listened while off in la-la land.
Without noticing, both Gale and Betty left the table, just leaving Kathy and you. What brought you back to the present was a new bottle of pop being placed next to your empty one, the person taking the seat next to you. You blinked looking at the bottle, before turning to see a smiling Benny at your side. Then you looked to Kathy, who was trying to hold back a laugh. You turned back to Benny, who then smiled a brighter smile, baby blues shining with your attention on him.
“Take that as my cue to leave" Kathy mused, grabbing her drink and bag, then leaving her seat.
You wanted to protest, tell her to stay but you were held captive by Benny’s piercing gaze. Your tongue was like led, your brain a jumble of words with no way to sort them out to be spoken. So you both sat there, watching the other in silence. The bar lively around you both but neither noticing it.
Finally Benny broke the silence, licking his lips before speaking. “Thought ya’d want another drink".
You cast a glance down at the bottle, which sat with its empty brother. “Ah...t-thanks" you stuttered, before turning back to Benny.
The look that formed on Benny’s face at your thanks, was like a kid in a candy store. He felt happy to get such words from you. The one woman who seems to avoid him and his affections. Placing a hand on the back of your seat, Benny made himself comfortable as he continued to watch you.
Trying to remain calm, you took slow breathes. Over and over telling yourself this was fine, no big deal. Benny was just staring at you with those beautiful blue eyes, that looked a little more stormy blue when up close and in this light. As well as that smile on those tempting lips. Not to mention, wondering what the stubble on his face would feel like rubbing against your own skin.
“You alright Duchess?” Benny asked with that low drawl of his, face leaning closer to yours.
Again you took a calming breath. “Y-yes...” you managed to get out, though it was a tad squeaky.
Benny chuckled lowly, enjoying the reaction he got. It pushed him to want to do more. He wanted to hear all the sounds he could get from you, from innocent to the not so innocent. Not pulling his head back, Benny looked deeply into your eyes, searching for anything that meant for him to take it further. Because he so wanted to get closer, to put a hand on you. To feel your skin, your warmth. He was tired of being denied it. He wanted you close and in his arms, on the back of his bike.
You picked up the new bottle of pop, taking a sip while trying to not let Benny’s unwavering gaze get to you. Though it was becoming hard too. You cast your gaze around the room. Noting the Vandals and their women. Betty and Gale had joined Johnny and Brucie. All four looked to be comfortable and enjoying each others company. Kathy had taken to putting up with Corky and Wahoo, while Cal seemed to be amused by them all.
“Eyes on me Duchess" came Benny’s annoyed voice from beside you.
As if his hand had taken your chin and brought your eyes back to him, which they hadn’t. You were drawn back to the gorgeous man. You knew you shouldn’t have listened to him, kept your attention on anything but him. But with him being so close, his cologne and cigarette smell taking over, taking you hostage.
“Good, that’s better" he said lowly, eyes delighted in your compliance. “All ya gotta do is focus on me".
You swallowed. You couldn’t help it. This commanding side of Benny, though new, was so appealing. It made Benny more hotter. So you sit there, both looking at each other. Though Benny did make small talk, wanting to learn more about you. As you had denied him time and time again. But not this time. With every response you would stutter or squeak, only pleasing Benny more.
When a few drunk Vandals came up, asking him to play the next game of pool, was the spell you were under finally broken. You used this moment to excuse yourself, and visited the bathroom. Crossing the room, dodging various bodies, you entered the ladies. You stood before the mirror, taking a deep breath before releasing it. Slowly you relaxed, your mind clearing and processing what had gone on.
Not sure how long you stood there, you jumped when the door opened and in walked Kathy. She gave you an apologetic smile once seeing that you had jumped. You waited as she used the stall, before exiting to wash her hands.
“Havin' fun with Benny?” Kathy asked with a chuckle.
You rolled your eyes. “Not when I’m a stuttering mess".
Kathy laughed openly at that. “Really? Even after finally givin’ him the time of day – er, night?”
You sighed, leaning your lower back against the sink. “Yes...I must seem like a bumbling idiot to him".
Kathy smiled at you warmly. “If that was the case, Benny would have left ya alone ages ago. That man is over the moon with ya".
Now it was you who laughed. “Yeah right Kathy, I don’t know why".
She chuckled, “trust me. He is, hun".
With that you both exited the bathroom, you fixing your shirt and bag as you walked out. Coming back into the bar, you saw that Benny had joined the men for a pool game. You took a moment to admire him as he took a shot. The way he leant over the table, giving you a few wicked ideas. How he concentrated on the shot, before taking it. The man oozed sex appeal. So why would he go for you? You asked yourself moving to join Kathy, who was getting a drink from the bar.
While standing there, you were about to order another drink before seeing the clock on the wall. Comparing it to your wrist watch, you noticed how late it was getting. With a few words to Kathy, you apologized and said you had to get going, so you wouldn’t miss the last bus.
“Ya sure ya don’t want to stay and we could get a cab together?” Kathy offered.
You smiled warmly. “It’s alright, I should probably get home. I heard there could be rain tonight. Don’t want to get sick" you laughed.
She nodded, understanding that. Reluctantly Kathy let you go, though feeling she should have told you to see Benny before you left. But you moved too quickly for her to say anything. You crossed the bar, once more dodging body’s, before exiting. Once you were gone Kathy grabbed her drink and thought it best to give Benny the heads up, his Duchess had ran off again without his knowledge.
Once more the streets were dead, a car or two passing, as you made you way to the bus stop. Unfortunately the forecast had been right, for it began to spit rain while you walked. And to add insult to injury, it got heavier as you walked a stretch of the street that had no cover. So you had picked up the pace, moving fast to get to the nearest covered building. Upon stepping under the cover, you did a little shake, as if it would completely dry you. Thankfully you weren’t saturated but the cool evening air didn’t help. Your arms forming goose bumps from the chill you were feeling.
Looking further up the road there would be another stretch of open area, though not as long as you just walked, before more cover. And time was running out to make it for the bus. You weighed your options; make a run for it or take you time and possibly miss the bus. While contemplating your options the nearing sound of a roaring engine didn’t faze you, thinking it was a passing Vandal.
Making up your mind – and going with option one – you walked out into the rain and began to power walk on. When the engine you’d heard pulled up beside you, did you turn to find Benny. You stopped and stared at him, confusion written all over your face, while you felt the rain start to soak your clothes.
“W-what are ya doin’ here?” You managed to get out.
He grunted. “That’s what I was gonna ask you. Get on, I’m takin' ya home".
You slowly shook your head. “No, no. It’s fine. The bus stop is just a head" you replied, taking a few more steps in the direction you were going.
“It’s fine Duchess, get on" Benny repeated, leaving no room for argument.
“Really Benny, I’ll be fine" you said once more, taking to walking off on him.
You heard him sigh before turning off his bike, then the kick stand. Yet you kept walking, not sure what was up with him. It was when a rough hand grabbed your arm and stopped you, still in the rain I might add, did you turn around to find Benny. His hair was wet, drops falling from the curls at his forehead. His gaze drawn in on you, annoyance swimming in those blue pools. You couldn’t understand why he was annoy with you. Alright, you declined his offer of a ride. But that was so he could go back to the bar and carry on with the club.
“What is with ya and runnin' away from me?” Benny asked out loud. “All I’ve wanted to do is be near ya, get to know ya. Can’t ya see, Duchess?”
You blinked your eyes a few times, letting his words sink in. Confusion still written on your face. “S-see what...?”
Benny sighed in frustration. “That ya put a damn spell on me, that I want nothin' more then for ya to be mine!?” His voice was loud, annoyed but with a touch of fear.
Your heart skipped a beat hearing Benny's confession. And silly you didn’t believe yourself or Kathy or the other women. Benny Cross was into you, wanted you. You stood there shocked and silent, which didn’t help Benny one bit.
He released your arm, thinking you were rejecting him. “I guess...I guess ya don’t feel the same...” he muttered looking away from you.
That was the shock back to reality you needed. You took a step closer to him, trying to get the words out. But your heard was a jumble with everything you were thinking and feeling, which wasn’t registering with your mouth. So you did the only thing you could think to do right now. Grabbing onto Benny’s t-shirt, you brought him down as you stood on your tippy toes. And you placed your lips to his. It was a closed lipped kiss, your eyes looking into each others, as the rain and the word around you fell away.
After a few moments you pulled back, not releasing your hold on his shirt. “I-I...ah, I-I mean...” you sputtered, frazzled and mind lost to it all.
Benny looked into your eyes, searching for what you wanted to say. Seeing how you looked at him, softly and with endearment, that was all he needed. This time he grabbed your chin, tilting your head up before his lips captured yours again. Only his kiss was harder, a little dominating. He didn’t need to ask permission to your mouth, for you sighed as soon as his lips touched yours. Benny’s tongue didn’t waste time to enter your mouth, seeking out your own and lavishing it with attention, caressing it in a way that made your knees weak. His hand moving from your chin to the back of your head. He didn’t plan to let go yet, and wasn’t going to give you a chance to either.
Reluctantly Benny freed you from his kiss, but kept you close, resting his forehead against yours. Both of you need a moment to regain some air. And once your breathing returned, you cast your eyes to his. Noting how he looked at you with nothing but affection and want. Which mirrored in your own.
“Will you now let me take you home, Duchess? Because ya soaked" Benny said gruffly.
You smiled tenderly. “You’re soaked too, ya know" your voice soft, but not as timid.
He smirked at you. “Is that an invitation?”
And just like that, you blushed, hitting Benny's chest softly with your hand. Sputtering out no and saying you’re not like that. Benny could only laugh, for he knew his Duchess wouldn’t have him over the first night. But maybe the second night? None the less. Benny managed to got you to finally let him get you home, and loved having you on the back of his bike. There would be no more running away, no more avoiding him. Because you were his now.
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astrangetorpedo · 1 day
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IN INTERVIEW
Julien Baker, the interview 6/8/2016
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At just 20 years old, Julien Baker gave us last year a first album of intense and rare emotional force, the superb Sprained Ankle reviewed here . A moving record that left a deep and lasting mark on me. It was therefore impossible to miss the young American's arrival in Paris and not to take advantage of the opportunity to try to get to know this outstanding artist a little better. A meeting was thus organized thanks to the invaluable help of Sean, her manager, in a café in the 12th arrondissement, two hours before the young lady's very first Parisian concert, on May 24. A one-on-one meeting that revealed to me an adorable and voluble young woman, incredibly touching and sincere, and above all determined to seize life with all her might! A moment of exchange and sharing that I am not ready to forget.
Hello Julien!
Julien Baker : Hello!
First of all, thank you very much for granting us this interview. I am a big fan of your music and it makes me really happy to meet you!
Oh, thank you! It's a great pleasure for me too, you know! I still can't believe that people like my music enough to want to meet me to talk about it. So thank you, from the bottom of my heart, really!
Perfect! Let’s start at the beginning of your story. I read that you’ve been making music for a while now. Could you summarize the journey that led you to where you are today?
Yeah, sure! I started listening to music in middle school. It was rock, I was really into it with painted nails, black eye makeup, all that stuff! [laughs] Then I started playing in bands, punk bands mostly. Then I joined Forrister which is the band I still play in today. We were playing shows in cities around our area. Then I went to college and a friend of mine who worked in a studio there offered me to record with him for free. Since my band couldn't be there, I did it solo, without any specific plans. I put the album out on Bandcamp for $2 or $3 a copy.
That's when Sean [Julien's manager] contacted me and suggested we release the album in a more official and professional way. I told him that I was actually in a band, Forrister, and that no one would be interested in me as a solo artist. He insisted and even though I didn't believe it at all, I agreed to give it a try. I'll always remember the day he called me to tell me that NPR [National Public Radio] was going to play my single. I hung up crying and immediately called my mom all excited to tell her the news! But then, as things seemed to start to take off for me, I started to doubt myself. I felt guilty towards the rest of the band, thinking that they would resent me for doing this project without them. So I called the drummer and asked him what they thought and he said they were just proud and super happy and not mad at me in any way. So I kept going and here I am! I never thought I would come to Europe and do all this, it's crazy, really!
During the band's time, did you already have this desire to write your own songs?
I don't think I had any real unfulfilled desire to do this.
But you were writing?
Yes, I wrote my own songs. But not because the band was holding me back or preventing me from doing it within the collective. It's just that sometimes you write songs but they don't fit the moment. So I put those lyrics aside, like that, without any specific goal. I've always written and played in different bands. There was enough space for all that, things didn't have to be done exclusively in one framework or another.
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Were your parents musicians?
Not really. Well my dad bought me a guitar and showed me how to play it. So I started playing by practicing at home on my own. I also took piano lessons but for a very short time. My teacher didn't really like me because I didn't work hard enough. I just played by ear without wanting to learn to read music and he didn't like that. So I taught myself. But my parents were big music fans. They played records all the time at home. When I was younger I wanted to go to a concert, my dad would come with me to make sure I was safe! He was the only adult in the middle of all these tattooed and pierced kids! [laughs] Oddly enough it never bothered me. When he made a surprise appearance at the Bowery Ballroom for my concert in New York, I was so proud! He and my mom have always been a great support!
This is really great!
Yes I know !
In addition to being an author and composer, you are also a student. Are you still going to university?
I just finished my semester. It's currently summer vacation. But I think I'm going to take a break in the fall. I completed the theoretical part of my literature course thanks to online courses. The last thing I need to fully validate my teaching diploma is the practical part, in school with students. I tried to do it last fall but it's complicated to carry out both projects at the same time: give lessons during the week then take a plane to California or New York on the weekend to play a concert, before returning to teach on Monday morning! So I'm going to take a break to devote all my time to music.
Do you want to teach one day?
I think I would really enjoy teaching. I love it. As a teenager I was a summer camp counselor, I love children. So yes it would be really cool to teach!
You studied literature. Did that influence your way of writing?
Yes, totally! I try to feed myself as much as I can from all these different ways of perceiving life and emotions that I find in books. It enriches me intellectually speaking. I have the feeling of learning new things about myself each time I discover a new author and this is then reflected in my writing I think, consciously or unconsciously.
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Are you familiar with French literature?
Voltaire! I often joke with my professor friends that I would really like to have a big Voltaire and Cervantes tattoo! I already have a Gabriel Garcia Marquez tattoo [Julien then shows me his 2-part tattoo on the inside of his 2 wrists]…
Is he your favorite writer?
One of my favorites, I can't choose just one! And so when my students would complain that Voltaire is an old man who's not cool, I could show them my Voltaire tattoo and prove to them that it's really cool! [laughs] Reading Candide really changed my life. It was incredible! I think the translation of the title is The Optimist , which is quite ironic. Cervantes wrote Don Quixote and we have this word in English, "quixotic" which means optimistic but optimistic to the extreme, to the point where even if everything is going wrong in your life and you know it, you continue to believe in it despite everything. There is a really romantic and admirable dimension to that attitude I find. Same for Candide where there is this quote that I always come back to when I feel really bad and which says: "I wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but I still loved life" . I think I cried when I first read that sentence. Anyway, I could talk about literature for hours, don't drag me down that dangerous path! [laughs]
Haha, ok. So back to the music! Listening to your album I couldn't help but think of two other artists I really like: Sharon Van Etten and TORRES…
I love TORRES!
Me too! I even did my very first interview with her!
Wow! She's amazing!
Do you agree with this comparison even if the artists in question do not come from the same scene as you?
I totally agree with this comparison! As a teenager I only listened to punk and thought that anything that wasn't punk was worthless. Then I grew up as a musician and learned to appreciate all styles. When you really love music, you love an artist as long as their music is honest and good, no matter what the style. It doesn't matter if it's hip hop or country or whatever!
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I totally agree!
And so I'm a big fan of TORRES! I loved her first album, the one before Sprinter . The song Honey is the very first one I heard from her.
The same !
And oh my god, what a song! I played with her in Chicago, I was added as the opening act at the very last minute, I felt so honored! On my way to the dressing room, I ran into her and as I was saying "Oh sorry, I don't want to bother you" she said "No, come on, this is a shared space, you have as much right to be here as I do" and she kindly invited me in. As for Sharon, it's funny because the first time I met her, she asked me to have lunch with her, can you imagine having lunch in New York with Sharon Van Etten! And she told me she was also going to invite her friend Mackenzie [Mackenzie Scott aka TORRES]. But our phones died and we couldn't get a hold of her. So in Chicago TORRES couldn't make the connection, I was just the little girl at the door!
Excellent! Are there any other musical influences that you would claim?
Do you know David Banzan?
Nope…
Ok. There's a band called Pedro The Lion and David Bazan is the lead singer. He influenced me quite a bit. And do you know Death Cab For Cutie?
Yes of course !
They were the first non-punk band I listened to. At the time I only listened to loud and fast music, but when I heard Transatlanticism for the first time it was a shock, everything changed. They really meant a lot to me.
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Your texts are very strong and very personal. When you wrote them, did you think about the impact they could have on those around you first and then on the general public?
Well, at first, I didn't imagine that this solo album would lead me anywhere, I was convinced that my music would only be made with my band Forrister. So when I released the album on Bandcamp, I really thought that only my friends would listen to it. So I wrote all these songs like that, just for me, without really thinking about the scope of the lyrics. And I'm ultimately happy that I didn't think about it because if I had known what was waiting for me, I think I would have most certainly changed things, I would have probably been more reserved in my words. But if it's difficult for me to show my vulnerability, I realize that it's totally worth it when young people come up to me after concerts to tell me that my music has helped them in difficult times in their lives. It's of course a little embarrassing for me to share such intimate things but if these things make others feel good, then I think it's worth it in the end.
But isn't it a little scary to expose yourself so completely naked and transparent? It's so brave, I don't know if I could do it myself!
Well, you see, it's exactly the same for me, I'm not sure I would have been able to do it if I had known everything in advance! But now that it has happened, I feel that from now on I have the right, the license to be brave. Perhaps it was the plans of destiny or God, something like that.
And isn't it too difficult for you to sing songs every day that inevitably bring you back to painful moments?
I think there are two options. Option one: I can sing these songs every night, let them take me back in time and feel sorry for myself. Option two: there is the quote from this poet that I love who says that all the horrible things in life just need to be seen from a different and courageous perspective. Things that seem bad can indeed turn out to be good in the end. So I have chosen to let the dark and sad aspects of my songs become pretexts to be positive and happy. Because yes, all these things have happened to me but if that had not been the case, I probably would never have written these lyrics and I would not be here today in Paris talking to you, Laurence! In the grand scheme of things, everything has a meaning and works for our good in the end.
That's very beautiful what you say! [laughs] To talk about lighter things, this is your first time in Europe, isn't it?
Yes !
How do you feel?
I love it! I have such a good time. Well I don't sleep much... [laughs]
Is it the time difference or the excitement?
Well now it's the excitement! But a week ago it was also the jet lag [laughs]. Imagine, we traveled for over 30 hours straight to get here! I first took a plane to Richmond and then a train to Washington DC. We then took a flight to Iceland where we took another flight to Copenhagen. Once there we took a train but due to a problem on the tracks we had to take a bus that took us to another train! When we arrived at the hotel, we were totally exhausted! [laughs] It was 11 o'clock in the evening but at that time of year the sun hadn't set because we were so far north and my body didn't understand anything at all! But hey after a good night's sleep everything was better! And now if I don't sleep it's just because I don't want to miss anything, not a single minute you know! I thought I would never be able to afford to travel and once again it seems that Destiny's plans are extraordinarily kind to me. I feel so grateful and lucky!
And that's just the beginning!
I hope so! But you know, even if everything had to stop, well in any case it would have been much, much more than I could have imagined! I am so grateful for everything that is happening to me!
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Are there any particular places you want to discover?
Sean has been here before and wants to show me places he liked. Today he took me to see the Sacré-Cœur which is beautiful. On my side, there are also places I would like to visit, especially in Barcelona, ​​because I am majoring in Spanish literature. I would like to go to the café where Picasso had his very first exhibition, long before he was famous. I would also like to see the Sagrada Familia, Gaudi's work, visit a museum, buy a Viva Cataluña t-shirt and eat paella. I am so excited to be able to do all these things!
That's great! But it's going to take you some time to do all of this!
We are staying there for the whole festival [Primavera Sound Festival]. So we should have some time. Of course we won't sleep much because in the evening I also want to attend the concerts!
You'll sleep when you get home!
Exactly! Since I am a big coffee drinker, one of my friends gave me a badge for my jacket that says "I will sleep when I am dead" ! [laughs] There are indeed so many things to experience in one life! [laughs]
And what are your plans for after the European tour?
We're actually going to be touring until the end of the year.
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Will you come back to Europe?
We're going to Australia in November I think. I can't wait! We're also going to tour the States so as for Europe I don't really know... And then I hope to have some free time early next year. I'm always writing new songs that I play live. I must have 30 demos on my computer and I'd really like to record them. So it would be great if I could get into the studio early next year!
Last question: do you have one or more musical recommendations to share with us?
Lucy Dacus!
Oh I love it!
We played together in Washington DC. I had never heard her songs before Washington and I remember hearing the lyrics to Map On A Wall which say "I hope good comes from good and good comes from bad anyway" and I started crying all by myself watching her play. Her music is so beautiful, so powerful! And we have so much in common: questions of spirituality, sexuality and faith, questions about gender too and the place of girls in rock music. We are really like two halves of the same person. We have the same booker and were approached by the same label. And when I saw her again in Richmond I knew we operated exactly the same way. So our biggest fear is that we will one day become jaded and arrogant. We want to remain grateful, sincere and enthusiastic. There are so many people who do this for a long time and end up jaded. It's really great to find someone who feels exactly the same way you do, and that's the case with Lucy. We're platonic soulmates! She's a very, very dear friend.
You must tell her at all costs to come and shoot in Europe and in Paris because there are people waiting for her here!
Promise! I'll send her a message as soon as I have wifi!
Lucy Dacus! A perfect choice! Thank you very much Julien!
Thank you! It was great!
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photos by jean-marc ferré 📸
interview by lolo from paris (who has great footage of that paris show on his youtube account) 📝
wayback link for the interview 🔗
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kissorkill16 · 3 days
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The Facade Is Falling: A Hello Neighbor Fanfic
By JJ
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Summary: Maritza asks Nicky what she's been wanting to ask him for so long.
Enzo, Maritza, and Nicky were walking home from school.
Maritza was finally happy to be walking normally again, after four agonizing weeks of wearing a stupid cast. But her mind was in another place right now.
For some reason, she was thinking about her talk with Trinity last time, before any of this even became a thing. Maritza was talking about Aaron, Mya, and Lucy, and how she didn't think Nicky cared about them as much as he did the Inventor's Club. Trinity was there to reassure her.
"I'm sure Nicky cares about all of us just as much as he cares about Lucy, Aaron and Mya."
But how could she be sure?
"Nicky, can I ask you something?"
Enzo and Nicky turned around to look at her, Maritza shooed Enzo away. "Just go, I'll catch up."
As Enzo walked away, Nicky and Maritza turned around and walked in the opposite direction.
"What'd you want to ask me?", asked Nicky.
While this was painful for Maritza, more painful than getting caught in that bear trap, she had to get this off her chest.
"Do you care about us?"
Maritza instantly regretted asking that, because now Nicky was looking at her like she just recited the entire Bible backwards in Japanese. His eyes were as wide as a black hole, but he shook off that shocked feeling.
"Maritza, why would you ask me that?", asked Nicky. "Of course I care about you guys. What made you think I didn't care?"
The girl shrugged, "I don't know...I guess you never really showed it much."
Nicky was confused.
"Whenever we hung out, you always talked about Aaron, Mya, and Lucy. Even after Lucy died and the Peterson kids went missing, you still wouldn't shut up about them. Me and Aaron this, me and Mya that, Lucy and me blah blah blah blah blah.", said Maritza. "Sure, Lucy and Mya were my friends too, but I didn't go on and on about them 24/7. I care about them just as much as you do, I get it..."
Nicky looked down at his shoes in shame, "Then why didn't you act like it?", he mumbled.
Maritza stood in front of him. "What did you say?"
Nicky still looked at his shoes, but he answered her friend's question. "Why didn't you act like it? Ever since Lucy died, you acted as if it was just a normal day. You even stopped wearing your bracelet. Even after Mya disappeared, you haven't done anything to try and find out why. Like that time at Trinity's, you said you were only there for the snacks, not to find out what or who was in the basement. It's like you just simply forgot about them. I thought that...maybe you didn't care about them as much as I thought you did."
As he talked, he noticed that Maritza was wearing a Golden Apple charm bracelet. The same one that her, Lucy and Mya shared back when they were all friends. Maritza noticed her friend staring, and held out her wrist for him to inspect closer.
"Yeah.", she said. "I do care, I didn't forget about them, I just didn't want to remember. Those two were my best friends, and having them just disappear into thin air just rips my heart in half. I didn't want to talk about them, I didn't even want to think about them, because I was so sure that I'd cry if I did. So I just put on this stupid tough girl facade so I could mask my feelings and make everyone believe that I was okay."
Nicky's eyes widened once more. And Maritza's facade must've fallen, because when Nicky looked into her eyes, he saw that they were nearly filled to the brim with tears. He saw the true feelings behind his brave friend.
He gently took her hand, intertwining their fingers. "Maritza, I'm so sorry. I never -"
"And when you went missing, I tried not to care. I tried to think about all of the times when you were just an annoying weirdo who was obsessed with your deranged neighbor, but all I could think about was the new kid from Charleston who likes aliens, lockpicking, pulling pranks on people, and is such a huge dork.", she said, her voice trembling a little, but she tried to steady it. "I missed you so much, Nicky. All those weeks you were missing, all I could think about was you. And when you came back, I didn't even try to see if you were okay, I just said nothing happened to you. What the hell is wrong with me?!"
Maritza didn't even notice that Nicky wasn't holding her hand anymore. Now his hands were holding her shoulders, and they brought her in for a big hug.
"Maritza, it's not your fault.", said Nicky. "I know how you feel. It's painful when you lose something or someone that you love so much, knowing that you can't do anything to get it back. After all, that's how I felt with...nevermind."
He wasn't trying to bring up Aaron, Mya, or Lucy right now.
"But listen. You don't have to hide your feelings anymore. If you want to be sad, be sad. If you want to mourn your friends, then mourn your friends. Just know that I'm here with you, and I do care about you."
Maritza smiled at her friend, and she slowly pulled away from him. "Thanks, Nicky.", she said.
Then, so unexpectedly, so suddenly, Maritza leaned in and kissed Nicky on his cheek.
None of them even realized what happened, but when they did, they jumped back away from each other, both with wide eyes and both red in the face.
Panicking, Maritza pointed her bat at Nicky. "That didn't happen! I did not just kiss you, okay?! You tell anyone I did, and I will end you!"
Nicky quickly nodded to avoid getting beaten to a pulp. Maritza ran past him, face still red. "Enzo, wait up!"
Meanwhile, Nicky held his cheek, still trying to process what just happened.
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gryficowa · 3 days
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Boycott!
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Remember to boycott "Strange Things" by the actors and director/writers (I don't remember anymore), they showed their support for Israel
Now that I have your attention:
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steakout-05 · 2 months
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medic tf2 doodles?!?!?? in this economy!???!?!? (art from yesterday)
most gentle and sweet middle aged german man in the whole entire world smile vs planning to swap all of your organs with a series of interconnected frogs smile
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a doodle i did of Medic and Archimedes.... he looks too round in this drawing, not smug and evil enough..... also Mitzi from the RAE appearance :D
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i LOVE the voicelines Medic has with Haunted Archimedes, he's not disturbed or even slightly put off by the fact that his zombified dove is 1. talking and 2. has a violent and constant craving for brains. he's just like. being a slightly irritated pet owner about it. he's just like "ugh yes archimedes vants all zhe brains doesn't he. now shut up". also i think this is the most on-model medic drawing i've ever done wtf
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#tf2#team fortress 2#tf2 medic#medic tf2#archimedes tf2#mitzi mozzarella#doodles#sketches#sketch#also um. please no thirst comments in the tags. /srs#i feel incredibly uncomfortable with comments like that and i don't want those things being said about my art#and i feel like it might happen here so like. please don't do that thanks 👍#man i love drawing medic. he's actually so fun to draw and i love giving him the most insane expressions ever#he has so many sharp angles it's so fun!!!#i also really like the second opinion voice lines. he's not even frightened. he just has an annoying roommate sewn to his face#aahh this is why i love medic#i have a cold right now so i can't think of any other tags to put on this post........#might post some more barry stuff later. i drew a pretty cursed one yesterday heehoo#i want to post some of my really old tf2 art from like 2018#and maybe some SUPER old tf2 stuff from a decade ago if i can find the notebook i drew it in#back when i used to draw everything with a pen and no guidelines 💀#i'm pretty sure i still have it! it's not something i would throw away at all#it's probably hidden deep in my closet with my other old art stuff#i'd like to share my super old unhinged comics with a bunch of characters from various properties some day#i remember making a comic where all my favourite tf2 and mlp characters teamed up to stop peg from peg + cat from taking over the world#because i really didn't like the show as a kid. i thought peg's voice was annoying and it was a show about math. and i hate math#it's not even a bad show... it's really cute actually..... why did i hate it so much#i was peg + cat's biggest hater. if p+c had a million haters i was one of them. if it had 1 hater that was me. if it had 0 then i grew up#anyway. ignore all those tags i went on a ramble loolll#i forgot this post is about my medic drawings... yeah i really like these drawings and i love drawing medic <3
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blossoms-phan · 7 days
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I am home from Berlin, and wanted your opinion on a heated debate that was happening in Berlin, that keeps creeping into my mind. People had strong opinions. Everyone was saying how nice Phil was, and how much they loved him and one person started saying that it made them sad as they thought Phil was very insecure in himself, that he saw himself as somehow less than Dan, and that Phil worried that without Dan, we wouldn't love him and he would sort of fade away. Argument went onto Phil is accepting less than he would ideally want in a personal relationship because he somehow thinks he is undeserving of Dan, but he takes what he can get. This all started because people were talking about Joey Graceffa and his skin cancer diagnosis and then led to the comments he made about Dan and how disrespectful that would be if Dan and Phil were a thing. This was pre show, so not sure if after the show people changed their options, but it was interesting, even if I don't agree with all of it.
Sorry if my English is not good. Thank you.
im so fascinated by this apparent conversation and i've been trying to figure out how to respond to this bc idk if i have a good one?
first of all the fact that this was pre show is interesting to me bc one of the most compelling parts of the show/script to me so far that there hasn't been a lot of discussion on (we're only a few shows in im sure it'll come up more/we've been a little distracted by other things lol) is the part where it gets "real" and phil talks about how he felt like he was making content that's not as "important" and babysitting us during the kind of hiatus period/when dan was doing other stuff (sorry for the paraphrasing i haven't listened to it since antwerp so idk if this is entirely accurate) and combined with the sort of soft launch of this bit in pizza mukbang 2 (which is more of just an open conversation/moment of honesty) i find it really sad that phil ever felt that way, obviously he felt comfortable putting it into the show but i think it's less about insecurity bc phil is clearly more confident and comfortable with who he is now, i think he just... enjoys doing this stuff with dan? and there's nothing wrong with that, it doesn't mean that we would love phil any less or that he would "fade away" if it was just him doing all this but like phil's said and dan has echoed many times as well they just like working together and having fun and making it an extension of the rest of their intertwined lives so. idk i have nothing to say to that "argument" really i couldn't agree less they are both so lucky to have each other and they love each other so much. i had not heard about joey graceffa that's awful but idk yeah that comment was a little out of pocket but it was also clearly a joke "if dnp were a thing" i mean they are lol everyone knows no one has a real chance with either of them but yeah. other berlin goers i'd love to hear if any of you caught onto this conversation i did not know this was the kind of stuff people were talking about at shows i would not want to participate in this kind of debate right before seeing them irl but that's just me ig
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mashmouths · 11 days
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so i started this show and it just gets worse and worseeeee not only did it lift the romance subplot directly from twilight (and not well) but they also are trying to play the forbidden love angle hard in the fantasy racism vein except it's a "cross-species" relationship between the two whitest people i've ever seen in my life and there are three people of color in the whole (first season of the) show who aren't villains and it seems that every other episode (and sometimes ebery episode and sometimes twice an episode!) there is a man physically or magically subjugating a woman and i keep waiting for the big reveal at the end to be stolen from fucking rainbow rowell
#yes i read 'carry on' by rainbow rowell in middle school what else could you have possibly expected from me. anyway she gives me simon snow#vibes and not in a good way and she's even blonde while her british vampire boyfriend has dark dark hair and just. you will never be basil.#also i hate to be that guy but the writing has made me physically recoil and the acting almost reads as silly but mostly as middling :/ and#i wanted and expected more from matthew goode bc i really liked him in downton but i guess this is a 2018 bbc modern vampire fantasty serie#like i guess.#also there's SO much shit about bloodlines and maybe i'm gay with a blood disorder amd a family history of adoption but like. who fucking#careeessssssssss it ahould not be that serious. why is it that serious.#also the fantasy racism kind of reads like it's mesnt to be? homophobic adjacent? like there's a Lot of 'love who you love' talk going on#for the single most bland heterosexual relationship i've ever seen on a screen like there is so little chemistry? so little#anyway it's called 'a discovery of witches' and i'd recommend not watching it 🫶 or if you do then watch it on 1.5x speed#it's been decent background noise for knitting bc i kinda sorta care about the plot but if miss a chunk bc i'm in the lace chart zone i do#not care and i do not have to go back to catch it bc the writing is so transparent#there was another series it stole from that's escaping me atm but when i noticed it pissed me off a touch. hmm maybe it will come back to m#a post#do not watch this show#I REMEMBERED they wanted the juliette holding diana captive moment to be joaquin's 'i want to watch you fuck her' from sense8 SOOOOO BAD bu#it WASN'T bc they were too afraid to lean into anything that would make juliette interesting at all. for being all about the world's most#special blonde woman this show does not seem to like women very much. sad! well there's other shows#OH ALSO ALSO there are 3 magical 'creature' species which are witch + vampire + femon except the demons don't seem? to have any magical#abilities that humans don't have besides sensing the species of other creatures? like witches can cast spells and vampires do their various#vampire things but demons have nothing going for them except disproportionately high rates of homelessness and suicide?? like girl what are#we doingggggggg what are we doing here !! what's their deal why does no one care !! can they do anything or no !! god this show sucks
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batsplat · 3 months
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new casey podcast have you seen it
https://m.youtube.com/watch?si=ye8wNfrvaPDjtpDV&v=IuwZN6aP8sg&feature=youtu.be
(link to the podcast) yeah I did, cheers!
there's not that much 'new information' per se within this podcast, though there's a bunch of nice tidbits about teenage casey. what stood out to me is how the framing of his journey to becoming a racer is... well, it's kinda new? it's not exactly surprising, because you could get a lot of this stuff from reading between the lines in his autobiography. the question of 'is this your dream or your parents' dream' is a very common one with athletes, and it's often a thin line... but, y'know, this podcast interview in particular is quite a noticeable shift in how casey himself talks about this issue. it's a shift in how he portrays his 'dream' of becoming a professional rider back when he was formulating his autobiography, versus how he's answering questions in this episode. his autobiography isn't free from criticism of his parents - but casey is always stressing his own desire to race. so you do get stuff like this (from the autobiography):
At this point things were getting serious. Dad used to say, 'If you want to become World Champion you can't be that much better than local competition,' holding his finger and thumb an inch apart. 'You have to be this much better,' he'd say, holding his arms wide open. Dad confirms this feeling still today: 'I know it's a harsh way to look at things but that's the difference between a champion and the rest. Just look at the careers of Dani Pedrosa and Jorge Lorenzo. Dani had Alberto Puig and Jorge had his old man, both of them hard as nails. If you want to make it to the top I think it takes somebody with an unforgiving view on life to help get you there. So I said those things to Casey, particularly when we went to the UK, because to keep moving up a level he couldn't just be happy with winning a race. If he wasn't winning by a margin that represented his maximum performance then he wasn't showing people how much better he was than the rest.' There's no denying that Dani, Jorge and I became successful with that kind of upbringing and sometimes you probably do need it. As far as I'm concerned Alberto was nowhere near as tough on Dani as my dad was on me or Jorge's dad was on him. That kind of intensity and expectation puts a lot of extra pressure on a father-son relationship that isn't always healthy. We definitely had our moments and there were a few major blow-ups to come. But at the time, rightly or wrongly, it was proving to be a good system for us and I was eager to continue impressing my dad and others with my performances on the track.
(quick reminder, jorge's review of his father's style of parenting was describing him as "a kind of hitler")
but in general the emphasis is very much on how much casey enjoyed racing, on how single-minded casey was when it came to racing. he might have been isolated by his racing (again this is from the autobiography, in the context of discussing being bullied by kids in school until he got 'protection' from his dirt track friends):
School life was a whole lot better after that but I still hated it. All my real friends were from dirt-track; they were the only people I had anything in common with.
and he's talked about how other parents misinterpreted his shyness as him not actually wanting to race, which meant they were judging casey's parents as a result (autobiography):
Mum tells me that the other parents thought she and Dad were awful because I cried as I lined up on the start line. She remembers: 'I was putting his gloves on his hands and pushing his helmet over his head. The thing was, I knew Casey wasn't crying because he didn't want to ride or because he was scared. He just didn't like the attention of being stared at by all these people!'
but like. overall racing for him was still something he portrayed as a very positive aspect of his childhood. something he always clung onto, something that was his choice to pursue
so... let's play compare and contrast with some specific passages of the autobiography and this podcast, you decide for yourself. take this from his autobiography:
After I started winning more times than not, and it was obvious my passion for bikes wasn't wavering, Mum and Dad decided that seeking out sponsors could be a great idea to help offset some of the costs of travelling to meets and keeping the bikes in good order.
and here, in a longer excerpt about what a sickly child casey was, what his mother said (autobiography):
'They tested him for cystic fibrosis and he was on all kinds of medication; you name it, he was on it. But Casey still raced, we couldn't stop him.' I know I was sick but Mum was right, I wasn't going to let that stop me.
versus this from the podcast, when he's responding to a completely open question about how he got into riding:
To be honest, I don't know if I was allowed to have any other attraction to be honest. I think it was, you know, you're going to be a bike rider from when I was a very very young age - and I'm not the only one to think that. I think my parents have stated that enough times to certain people and you know I was sort of pushed in that direction. My elder sister who's six and a half years older than me, she actually raced a little bit of dirt bikes and dirt track before I was born and when I was very young, so it was sort of a natural progression to go and do a little bit more of that and I think because at the time road racing was a lot more similar to dirt track. That was our sort of way in.
this was one of the very first questions in the interview, it basically just consisted of asking casey how he got into biking in the first place - whether it had come through his family or whatever. casey chose to take the response in that direction... it's not an answer that is just about his own internal passion, how he loved riding the second he touched a bike, how he loved it throughout his childhood etc etc (which is how it's framed in the autobiography) - but instead he says he wasn't allowed to do anything else. he says that he was pushed in that direction, that his parents have openly said as much to others. that he feels vindicated in the belief he was never given another choice
let's play another round. here from the autobiography:
Mum and Dad used to stand at the side for hours on end watching me practise at different tracks. They'd sometimes clock laps with a stopwatch as I went round and round. Other parents couldn't see the point in taking it so seriously but they didn't realise it was what I wanted. I was having fun. Working out how to go faster was how I got my kicks and I couldn't stop until I had taken a tenth or two of a second off my best time on any day. If another kid came out onto the track with me I would be all over them, practising passing them in different ways and in different corners, but most of the time they avoided riding with me and I would be out there on my own, racing the clock.
and this (autobiography):
I enjoyed racing so much that even when I was at home riding on my own I would set up different track configurations to challenge myself. I'd find myself a rock here, a tree there, a gatepost over there and maybe move a branch and that would be my track.
versus here, in the podcast:
Q: And did you realise at the time that you were - not groomed, is not the word but well you were being groomed to be a professional motorcycle racer, or obviously that was your only one reference point, that was the norm. Did that just feel the norm or did you think actually this feels a bit intense or how did you feel about it? A: I think it's hard, it's not until I sort of reached my mid teens where I started to have a bit of a reality check on what I was actually doing. Before then, you know I was competitive. I'm not as competitive as people think, I'm a lot more competitive internally rather than externally versus other people. I always challenge myself to things, so all those younger years was just getting the job done that I was expected to do. I enjoyed winning, I loved it, but you know I enjoyed perfect laps, perfect races, as close as I could get to that and you know from a young age I always sort of challenged myself constantly to be better. So I didn't just win races, I tried to win them - you know, if I won races by five seconds in a [...] race I'd try and win, you know I'd try and get to double that by the end of the day if I could. So you know that always kept me sharp and it stopped me from being sort of, you know, complacent in the position I was at. And it wasn't until sort of you know 16, 17, 18 that reality kicked in. I'd had a couple years road racing in the UK and Spain, been rather successful and then you get to world championships and you know maybe an engineer that was sort of - didn't have your best interests at hear. And, you know, I nearly finished my career right there after my first year of world championships just because of the reality of how hard it was in comparison to everything else I'd experienced up to that point. And, you know, it was a real reality check for me and I think it was then that I started to - you know consider everything around me and consider how and why I got to the position that I was in and that's when the mind started to change a little bit and realise that you know I really was being groomed my whole life just to sort of be here and be put on a track and try and win. And, you know, that was my seemingly most of my existence.
in all the excerpts, he stresses how much he enjoys his perfect laps, how much he enjoys riding, how there is genuine passion there, how dedicated he is to this pursuit... but then in the podcast, he's adding something else - how he'd been groomed his whole life into that role of 'professional bike racer'. that it was only in his late teens (when he was in 125cc/250cc) where he had this moment of 'man I never really had a choice in all this'
and another round. here's him talking in the autobiography about how all the money he got through racing went back into racing - but it was fine because it was the only thing he cared about anyway:
I don't remember seeing any of the money I earned because it all went back into my racing, although I guess at the time that's all I really cared about anyway. I didn't know anything else. Mum and Dad always said to me: 'If you put in the effort, we'll put in the effort.'
and here in the autobiography on how he just wanted to ride all day:
I couldn't ride my bike all day, though, as much as I would have liked to.
and him talking in the autobiography about his parents encouraging him and his sister to 'chase their dreams':
Mum and Dad encouraged both Kelly and me to follow our passions and work hard to chase our dreams. That might sound strange when you are talking about a seven-year-old but I don't think you are never too young to know that if you want something you have to earn it.
versus this in the podcast:
Q: And I've never asked you this before, but did you want to? A: Um... I think I'd been convinced of a dream I suppose. You know, yes I loved riding bikes and you know I really did enjoy racing... but there was lots of other things that I - I really enjoyed as well but just never had the opportunity or never was allowed to do anything else, so... You know, motorbikes for our budget everything fortunately dirt track was probably the cheapest way that you could go motorbike racing. You could survive on very very little in dirt track and show your potential in other ways. You know, yes, having good bikes and good tyres and all that sort of thing made a difference but it wasn't the be all end all, you could always make a difference in other ways, so... I think it was, you know - the best thing we could have done, racing through that. Like I said I enjoyed it, it wasn't until late teens, early 20s where I sort of was like, I don't know if I would have been a bike racer had I actually had a choice.
was riding really all he cared about? or were there other things he was interested in, things he just never had the opportunity to pursue? things he wasn't allowed to pursue? from the autobiography, you get the sense that his parents always deliberately portrayed it as casey's dream, something he was expected to work hard for in order to be allowed to fulfil. in the podcast, casey says it was a dream he was 'convinced' of. without wanting to speak too much on the specifics of this parenting relationship we only have limited knowledge of, this kinda does all sound like athlete parent 101: getting it into their kids' heads that this is the dream of the child, not the parent, before holding it over them when they fail to perform when their parents have invested so so much in their child's success. casey's family was financially completely dependent on his racing results when they moved to the uk - he was fourteen at the time. he was painfully conscious of his parents' 'sacrifice' to make 'his dream' possible. can you imagine what kind of pressure that must be for a teenager?
to be clear, this isn't supposed to be a gotcha, I'm not trying to uncover contradictions between what casey said back then and what he's saying now. obviously, this is all very... thorny, complicated stuff, and casey has had to figure out for himself how he feels about it, how he feels about how his parents approached his upbringing. but it is worth pointing out that this isn't necessarily just a question of his feelings changing over time - if the internal timeline he provides in the podcast is correct, he was really having that realisation in his late teens, early 20s, so on the verge of joining the premier class. that is when he says he had the thought "I don't know if I would have been a bike racer had I actually had a choice"... which is a pretty major admission, you have to say, especially given how rough those premier class years often ended up being on him. but then that realisation would have already come years and years before he wrote his autobiography, it would've been something he carried with him for most of his career. given that, you do look at his autobiography and think that he did make the decision to frame things pretty differently back then, that he decided to exclude certain things from his narrative. if this really is already something that's been festering within him for years, if he does feel like he wants to be a bit more open about all of that now than back then... well, hopefully it shows he's been able to work through all of it a bit more in the intervening years
(this is somehow an even thornier topic than his relationship with parents, but relatedly there is a bit of a discrepancy between how bullish he is in his autobiography about how mentally unaffected he was by his results, versus how he's since opened up since then about his anxiety. again, I want to stress, this is not a gotcha, he's under no obligation to share this stuff with the world - especially given the amount of discourse during his career about his supposed 'mental weakness'. it is still important in understanding him, though, how he consciously decided to tell his own story in the autobiography and how he's somewhat changed his approach in the subsequent years)
this is the rest of his answer to that podcast question I relayed above:
But at the same time you know I felt that no matter what I would have done, I sort of have a - my mentality of self-punishment, you know, of never being good enough that always drove me to try and be better and any single thing that I did, I didn't like it when I wasn't not perfect. I don't believe in the word perfect but I really didn't enjoy when I wasn't, you know, in my own terms considered a good enough level at anything I did so I would always sort of try to get up as high as I could regardless of what for.
at which point hodgson says exactly what I was thinking and goes 'god what a line' about the "mentality of self-punishment" thing. it is one hell of a line!
what's really interesting about this podcast is how these two big themes of 'this wasn't my choice' and 'self-punishment' end up kinda being linked together when casey talks about how the motogp world reacted to him... so again I'm gonna quickly toss in a bit from the autobiography (where he's talking about casual motorcycling events he went to as a kid), because it does read similarly in how for him the joy and competitive aspects of riding are closely linked:
It was a competition but it wasn't highly competitive; it was just for fun, really. Of course, I didn't see it that way, though, and I had dirt and stones flying everywhere. I don't think anyone expected the park to be shredded like it was. When I was on my bike, if I wasn't competing to my maximum level then I wasn't having as much fun.
and back to the podcast:
And also because people truly didn't understand me, that I'm not there just to enjoy the racing. As we're explaining, before that, you know it was sort of a road paved for me... And so the results were all important, not the enjoyment of it. And then you cop the flak for everything you do. I'm also very self-punishing, so it was kind of a - just a lose lose lose and it was all very very heavy on myself, so... It, you know, it took me till my later years to realise I could take the pressure off myself a little bit and go look you've done all the work you've done everything you can, you got to be proud of what you've done, so... Not necessarily go out there and enjoy it, because I don't believe you should just be going out in a sport where you're paid as much as we are expect to get results and just - you know - oh I'm just going to go and have fun it's like... yeah, nah, if you're just going to go and have fun then you're not putting in the work. And that's when we see inconsistencies etc. So I was very very harsh on myself and so even when I won races, if I made mistakes or I wasn't happy with the way I rode, well then yeah I'm happy I won but there's work to do. There was more to get out of myself and so that's where I copped a lot of bad... um, let's say bad press because of those kind of things and then they sort of attack you even more because they didn't like the fact that you didn't celebrate these wins like they wanted you to they expect you to I suppose treat every victory like almost a championship and you know it's not that I expected these wins but I expected more of myself and therefore maybe I didn't celebrate them as much as you know other people do.
kind of brings together a lot of different things, doesn't it? this whole profession was a path that was chosen for him... which he links here to how the results were 'all important' for him, how it just couldn't ever be about enjoyment. he always punished himself for his mistakes, he was under constant pressure, which also affected how he communicated with the outside world... he was so committed to self-flagellation that he made it tough for himself to actually celebrate his victories, which in turn wasn't appreciated by the fans or the press. so on the one hand, casey's obviously still not particularly thrilled about how much of a hard time he was given over his particular approach to being a rider. but on the other hand, he's also describing how all of this can be traced back to how becoming a rider was never actually his 'choice'. he's detailed his perfectionism before, including in his autobiography, including in discussing his anxiety disorder more recently - but this is explicitly establishing that link between the pressure he'd felt during his childhood to how he'd been pushed into this direction to how he then had to perform. he couldn't afford to be anything less than perfect, so he wasn't, and at times he made his own life even tougher as a result of his own exacting standards. this just wasn't stuff he's said in such straightforward, explicit terms before... and now he is
my general thing with casey is that his reputation as a straight shooter or whatever means people aren't really paying enough attention to how he's telling his own story. like, I kinda feel the perception is 'oh he used to be more closed off because the media ragged on him but since retirement he's been able to tell it like it really is' or whatever. and I'm not saying that's necessarily wrong, but it's not quite as simple as that. because he's not a natural at dealing with the media, he's put a fair bit of thought into how to communicate better with them (which he does also say in the podcast), and he's explicitly acknowledged this is something he looked to valentino for in order to learn how to better handle. because casey has felt misunderstood for quite a long time, he's quite invested in selling his story in certain ways - and it's interesting how what he's chosen to reveal or emphasise or conceal or downplay has changed over time. which means there will be plenty of slight discrepancies that pop up over time that will be as revealing as anything he explicitly says... and it tells you something, what his own idea of what 'his story' is at any given time. this podcast isn't just interesting as a sort of, y'know, one to one, 'this is casey telling the truth' or whatever - it's reflecting where his mind is at currently, what he wants to share and in what way, and how that compares to his past outlook. the framing of his childhood was really something that popped out about this particular interview... it's not like it's exactly surprising that this is how he feels, but more that he decided to say all of this so openly. some pretty heavy stuff in there! hope the years really have helped him... man, I don't know. figure it all out, for himself. something like that
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