#I do not have any Nintendo products.. *cries*

[tiramegtoons]

My animal crossing character

[skeletor9000-blog]

Elden Ring vs Modern Game Design (The utilisation of FOMO)

FOMO. "Fear of Missing Out." The concept is used in many, if not 90% of facets of capitalism to get you to buy in, to try this new toaster, watch this new show, play this new game so you don't miss out on THE DISCUSSION. The Discussion is a concept I'll be using in this shitpost repeatedly to refer to the cultural zeitgeist, mainly because zeitgeist is a pretentious word that people only say to make their peers believe they're cultured when in reality we can tell you took that take off Twitter Joe.

The Discussion, to explain a little more, is the cyberspace, the discord, twitter, reddit, your friends, your coworkers all talking about the same thing. "oh did you see Man U last night?" "Benedict Townsend dropped a new video did you watch it?" "Damn did you get the last boss?" and this has been weaponised for most of the modern age to get you to buy into products for fear of missing out on The Discussion.

Now video games are no stranger to this desire to be part of The Discussion but lately games have wanted their players and talkers to talk about everything. EVERYTHING. Right now. Everything needs to be discussed, all that hard work and artistic vision NEEDS to be seen, to be fawned over, to be critcised. And you can't miss out otherwise everyone will race ahead of you, so get on your PC! Get that new Genshin character, buy the battlepass and make sure you get that fried chicken gun or Tina from Accounting will laugh at you!

you thought I was joking

FOMO is weaponised not only in multiplayer games but in Single Player games too. Take for example God of War Ragnarok. Great game. Super fun. Does it have incredible gameplay, graphics, story, love within every aspect to the point you can tell this is nigh perfect? Yes. But it also utilises FOMO to great extent in the form of the map.

nothing left to chance

So the devs have made it so you do not miss a single thing. Every post is marked, every chest every draugr hole, every "secret" boss is shown clearly for our lovely ideal ADHD player who was concieved of in a boardroom that every game making company has to adhere to.

Every game company bar one.

the software of from

Hey, Hey! Stop writing that note! I am aware of Indie Developers doing shit like what I'm about to describe for years but this is about the mainstream damnit so stay in your lane (the next post will be about them)

So From Software. The guys that changed the ga- scene with their title Demons Souls and iterated it again and again until we got the behemoth that is Elden Ring. Let me take you back a decadeeand a bit, to the wonderful, military shooter filled, Obama-lusted times of 2009.

this wont have any repurcussions

2009 was a big year for video games, notable releases such as Call of Duty 6 Modern Warfare 2, Skate 2 and the critically acclaimed Sandy Beach for the Nintendo Wii

i cried at the end because someone threw sand in my eyes

The gaming scene was getting bland. This was the zero dawn point of the Horizon that was oncoming, that is to say Call of Duty became nuclear popular and every game was about to copy it and be even worse. The scene had many good games but all of them had little booklets, tutorials, checkpoints, save points, proper wuss shit for the average gamer. You couldn't walk 10 metres without a "checkpoint reached" littering your very cluttered UI.

this is america's joe biden

In comes Demon Souls, a game that flew in the face of this hand holding, quite far from it actually. there were barely any tutorials, you got killed in one shot by most enemies. Your only reliable defence was a roll and everything was hard. Most importantly, you didn't know wtf was going on. There's a vague character here, a secret you missed there, some weird world tendency bullshit going on in the background, people had no clue. It was a ball of black mystery dropped in a sea of devs enticing you with shiny gimmicks.

And that's why people still talk about it today.

this is the beginning.

Demons Souls was the blueprint. It had winding levels that double backed on themselves in ways you wouldn't imagine, side characters who had quests which made 0 sense on how to progress, difficulty upon difficulty for new gamers, it was so different. The beauty of it flying in the face of conventional gaming meant people HAD to talk about it. It didn't just grab The Discussion, it had it a nigh permanent place the other forms of media would die for.

You had to talk to other people to progress. Whether it be to find clues to secret weapons, to notice shortcuts others had found, to even finding boss weaknesses to give tips and tricks on how to progress.

By making all this knowledge unavailable from the get go, Demons Souls had forced players to become each others guides, and as a result people would keep playing it because you'd find something new someone else said that you'd wanna check out. It might not even be true, some guy could start a rumour about the penetrators armour being available and players would go and see if he was correct and find out the liar was ahead, but the wonder of naiivete had returned. From Software had taken a weary artform, and showed everyone there was another way.

And then they got good at it.

sony greenlit horizon 2 but never want anyone to mention this game for some reason

Admittedly I never played Dark Souls 1 or 2 (I'm sorry) but the one game where I felt From Software peaked in terms of utilising FOMO was Bloodborne.

Bloodborne is another From Software game that's set in 1990s England, where London has run out of beans so the denizens put blood from an alien on their toast instead and go crazy at the lack of flatulence it gave them. The gameplay was tight and faster paced than Dark Souls, and the aesthetic had gone from Dark Fantasy to Victorian Gothic architecture (if ur a smartass pls correct me on this).

It is fantastic. The story and lore created by this game is given to you in drips and drabs from small item descriptions and minimal lines from NPCs who either try to kill you or die from you trying to help them. This happens a lot.

This game was released in 2015, and never got a sequel, nor a remaster, just 1 dlc and that's it. It didn't follow convention, sticking to the tried and true method of lore and story you have to dig out, bosses who you'd need to look online to help with, sidequests that make 0 sense, Areas that require moon logic to enter, but goddamn it did it well. And, as a result, people STILL have discussions about Bloodborne to this day.

The Pale Blood Hunt is essential reading for any Bloodboner out there looking for lore btw, but I'm losing focus.

So this strategy of lack of direct information, lack of direction, no easy hints to what you have to do has led to a higher barrier of entry but also it leads people to WANT to explore more of your game. There is no checklist on a map, it's more "I found a spooky ass castle did you find the vampire in it?" and then you ask wtf what castle. Your next hours are spent trawling through nightmares again to find an invitation to a spooky carriage that whisks you away to 10 more hours of wonder.

this is an optional area

again, you're found wanting more, and the game giving it to you. Your friends, people online, youtubers are all diving into the content to find the nooks and crannies instead of having it all laid out to you as quest markers or on your map. The Discussion is still holding a round table for avid fans to talk about Bloodborne. This felt like peak From Software game making at the time. An interesting world, so much content, incredible gameplay, what more could they do?

Little did The Discussers know, From Software hadn't even begun to peak.

I'll shatter anything and anyone for a chance with you babydoll

ALL OF THIS you can visit

Elden Fucking Ring. The best open world ever created, the magnum opus of design, absolutely shattering the philosophies about overworld design and creating such an inviting vista that you beg to explore, rather than begging you to check out the neat trick it conveniently has marked for you.

The biggest beauty of Elden Ring to me compared to God of War is that God of War is afraid. God of War is scared you'll miss out on what they've worked hard on so they have voicelines reminding you of the berserker's existence, of any objective or sidequest you haven't accomplished, it has an exhaustive checklist so you can guiltlessly leave from any area without having your anxiety spike thinking you might miss something. Elden Ring says fuck tthat.

To get to the hardest boss in God of War Ragnarok, you just go to the marked berserker locations, smack em up and then find the final man.

he is really fun to fight to be fair

To get to the hardest boss in Elden Ring you have to get one half of a medallion by robbing a homeless person:

he tweaked so hard after i stole from him.

the 2nd half by beating up an angry paraplegic (if this isn't the correct term pls can someone lemme know) :

look i'm the one in trouble here

THEN you take that to a secret elevator

i need a manicure

you then end up here and have to find a secret town:

bring blankie

After finding the secret town you're treated to the invisible locals who have knives that wanna kill you:

thank you miyazaki

after solving the puzzle you get to ANOTHER area:

i wonder if that's edible

murder every innocent being in there to gain access to the SECRET CASTLE underneath:

it's more like a fort really

and take a giant elevator to see her sleeping:

hey!

and... this is all barely hinted at. This boss became a legend, one that could heal with every hit, one that had an "undodgeable move", and I went through all of this just to have a taste of what OTHER people were talking about. Nobody gives a rats ass about the Berserkers from God of War nowadays even though they were front and centre but Malenia, blade of miquella, is still talked about 2 years after the game released and will be for years on. She's a phenomenal design, the build is amazing and, most importantly, she utilises FOMO in the opposite way.

The Berserkers are there to say "hey! i know you have no content left but there's a superhard boss here for you to kill!" so the player does exactly that to get some rewards for a new armour.

Malenia is hinted at in the game but there is so much to uncover to get to her in the first place. And it's all discovered by The Discussion. Where to get the medallion, where the town is, what the puzzle fucking meant, how to beat the Haligtree and finally how to beat that waterfowl dance.

The Discussion loves this shit, there's so much implied, so much to talk about and the developers don't worry about the boardroom created ADHD gamer missing out because, in reality, one guy will find one step, one girl another, then someone else and someone else and that buzz, that wonder that curiosity will fuel people into going for the ultimate prize. Not the boss, not the rewards but the journey itself, the discovery, helping others, finding weaknesses of the boss, finding new shortcuts to get to her, and having it all documented, discussed because any shred of information discovered becomes invaluable in attaining the goal.

The game is FILLED with things like this but I've gone on long enough already, with more secret bosses, unassuming caves containing game changing items, weapons you need to go through confusing mazes to find, From Software don't beg you to engage with their content. They just give everyone a world and relies on every human's unique perspective and desire to help to find out everything for them. You're never going to be missing out when you start, you're just finally joining in.

anyways this was really long, i will make it a youtube video soon. until then, developers, keep it real. I did find GOW fun but Elden Ring will always be something else.

[noa-ciharu]

Hi

I'm sorry for so many asks but i'm feeling kinda down due to the nintendo 3ds eshop closure... ;-;

So gonna distract myself by asking how each of the tb/x characters would comfort themselves on a bad day (like talking to someone, eating comfort food etc.)

Thanks 👉👈

Oh, idk what that eshop closure thing means but *sends hugs*

Hmmm let's say some mundane daily issues stressed them out and nothing too grand. Ofc 300% serious per usual:

Kamui - goes into full 🥺 mode and waits to be comforted by men. His stress reliever is crying in man's arms or overal physical + emotional comfort. 6/10 on healthy scale and 🌈/10 on gayness one

Sorata - meme it all away. Deals with stress via humor. King. 9/10

Arashi - looks like a type to bottle up. May try some hot tea and meditation so 4/10

Yuzuriha - has no poker face whatsoever, can't keep stiff upper lip to save her life. Will end up bawling her eyes to someone and getting comforted (not in gay 🥺 way like Kamui does tho). Maybe will have Inuki comfort her a bit. Effective overall plus she's 14 so 7/10

Karen - will bottle up and put up a fake smile :< also do some self-deprecating and self sabotaging thing like drug her teammates and go out to fight and die alone :< although her style rocks so 4/10 on common sense scale but 🔥/10 on vibes and sexiness

Aoki - idk rly, guess go to soap lady's hotel room one late at night. To chat with her about protecting kekais duh, ofc no funny business. Happy family man with ounce of common sense yes but can he resist the temptation? 9/10 on he should deal with stress via hooking up with Karen scale

Kotori - cries herself out and gets comforted by her brother or slips into insanity and wants to get crucified no in between. 5/10

Good boy Fuuma - deal with stress by comforting and protecting Kotori and Kamui. Especially Kamui tho, the more touchy feely they are the better Fuuma is feeling. 8/10 on healthy scale since bottling up but 🌈/10 on gayness one

Antichrist Fuuma - I can't possibly state here post will get flagged as explicit. But let's just say it has to do with all kinds of explosions

Subaru - he doesn't deal with stress in any productive way possible, he mops around, smokes it out or sufferes in silence masochistically. That's how 🤕 kinks got as bad as they are, king tried to repress them. Alternatively he deal with stress by wanting to be stabbed. If he dealt with stress by getting railed I would have given him higher rating but this way 1/10 for the masochism and every BDSM-5 mental illness

Yuuto - he fucks it out, no questions. 10/10, Subaru this should be your role model

Kanoe - copes with stress via being sexiest person ever, flirting with absolutely everyone and having sex every day. Also while having them government salary and not doing jack shit beside dreaming in dick throne and having ominous prophecies. Dream coping mechanism 11/10

Hinoto - lies for funsies and makes false false prophecies. She sends seals into death for fun and apperently has a thing for making Kamui's life as hard as it can possibly be. Zero coping mechanism she gave into her dark side but at least we've seen some hinoto-cest pics so for that 2/10

Kusanagi - idk about him rly he seems like most rational one? So something about spilling sorrows to the bartender. Idk let's rate it 7/10

Keiichi - only boy with common sense in this manga he deals with problems resiliently but actually talks about them. 9/10

Nataku - guess they go out and die?? 0/10 on any scale

Kakyou - his coping mechanism is looking pretty and ominous ambiguous prophetic lines. Also I guess eternal pretty boy looks since how does he look the same in TB flashbacks and in X, Kakyou plz reveal me your secret?? 7/10 cuz of L'oreal hair

Satsuki - guess she either does carnage or gets all touchy with Kanoe. Also gets comforted by Yuuto from time to time. Girl has the range and taste so 8/10

Seishirou - god forbid something upsets him cuz he will try all of these, in this order:

Mental gymnastic

Staking Subaru

Manipulate

Mansplain

Manslaughter

Drown himself in cigarettes

"Shit I felt something?? Is this an emotion???"

Plot most manipulative non sensical scheme ever that will somehow turn out to work cuz 😎

Go die

[anonymousexywoman]

May 17th, 2023

3:19 AM

Routine keeps me going. It keeps me productive, at least as much as someone like myself can be. My routine is a bit unconventional, though. By "productive," I don't mean coming home, doing my homework, eating dinner, and going to sleep. To be honest, a daily routine like that is completely unimaginable to me. I rarely get schoolwork done, but once every week or two, I somehow find the motivation to power through a few hours of assignments with a Spotify playlist and a cancer-causing energy drink. But most other days, at least as of late (since I can't remember anything before the past few weeks) I come home from school, strip any semblance of extroversion from my physical and mental, take a long nap, confusedly wake up to screaming either at me or from downstairs, and if I'm lucky, I cry. When I cry, it is about anything and everything, for there is no greater comfort than throwing a pity party for myself. For me, though, tears are hard to come by, which is why I am lucky when I get to experience this simple pleasure. But lately, I've been able to cry more and more- I think last week I cried every single day. It's awful, but I love it at the same time. I think being silently miserable is a defining trait of mine. In fact, I would even consider myself proud of my ability to sob inaudibly. I digress. Once my post-nap routine is over, I go downstairs for dinner when the rest of my family has already gone to sleep and it is dark outside. This is purposeful, for I prefer not to speak to anyone. But I also do this so once I take my usual few microscopic bites out of my food, I can wrap the rest up in a napkin and stuff it in the bottom of the trash. Especially if I plan to wear a skin-tight outfit the next day. Sorry mom. Still in a tired daze, I sit in my bed and mindlessly scroll on my phone for a few hours with no goal in mind other than a distraction from myself and my thoughts. At least now, I have a Nintendo Switch to play games on, which is a little bit more useful than watching hundreds of attention-span-draining 15 second clips. I got the Switch for my eighteenth birthday, which I actually completely forgot was a week ago, and was reminded of when my teacher asked me why I was gone last Thursday. Seriously, though, I think my brain blocked my birthday out of my mind because I genuinely enjoyed myself that day, and god forbid I have any type of joy in my life. Or maybe, my brain blocked it out because it's devastating to even fathom the fact that I will never be a child again. Once again, I digress. You can see why I hardly ever get work done. And so we are brought to my current state, sitting here (now at 3:35 AM) and journaling, something I don't do very often but probably should do more. Other than the fact that it's kind of fun to delude myself into thinking I'm some modern-day Sylvia Plath, this is probably one of the only good habits I actually have. It's hard to explain this sensation, but when I journal, it's almost as if my thoughts and feelings are poured out of the ink bottle of my mind, and my fingers typing on my phone are the feathered pen's strokes on paper. It makes me feel a little better. I'll probably post this on my stupid, secret Tumblr blog too. I don't know why. Maybe in a few months, or years, or decades, someone who understands me will find this. Or at the very least, someone who will listen to me.

[kriscynical]

It's Time for BotW 2 E3 '21 Trailer Babbling.

Just like two years ago, I haven't watched any theory videos about this trailer yet, nor have I looked beyond a couple dozen posts on my dash that were mostly gifs and fanart (how the fuck do y'all work so fast??), so anything here that's obvious, stupid, or flat out wrong? Ignore me. These are initial thoughts after going through the trailer frame by frame. With Mom of the Wild (MotW) sitting next to me, ofc. She's stoked.

I'm inserting a cut here because I kept going and going until I ran into Tumblr's brick wall on post content. As I always say, if you're on mobile and the cut doesn't work, go bitch at Staff. Or a wall. Both will be just about as productive.

First off: holy mother of fuck I am absolutely enamored with the animation and physics of Link's loose hair. I joked with MotW that I think Nintendo put all of the additional polys for Link's character model in his hair alone. I was a sucker for playing with his hair in my work before, so thank you, Nintendo, for giving me a canonical reason to continue to do so.

Now to go in some semblance of order within the trailer:

If that's malice going in to his arm, I'm wondering if the reason the bluegreen light goes into his arm as well is to drive out or cleanse the malice out of him, since having malice consume any part of him would presumably kill him.

That bluegreen color has been associated with Farore and the element of Courage in general, so I wonder if it's some kind of extension of Farore assisting her champion or what. That's one that I'm probably dead wrong about but it's interesting to think about nonetheless.

Just like in the first trailer, Zelda does not have the Sheikah Slate here. Since all of the towers, shrines, and pillars surrounding the castle seem to be gone in every wide scenic shot we have of this game so far, I'm wondering if the slate just stopped working or its power source finally died or something. It will be interesting to see how and if Nintendo tells us what happened to it.

The pattern where the green of the arm transitions into his normal skin tone also immediately reminded me of the sky portals in Twilight Princess.

But besides that, skydiving from Skyward Swooooooooooooooord even though a lot of the sky architecture is giving me a combination of Zonai/Windwaker/City in the Sky vibes.

I already thought the sequel was going to tell us more about the Zonai -- or even be ABOUT what happened to the Zonai -- since the original trailer dropped. Why would Nintendo have introduced an entirely new tribe/race into the lore only to say they had mysteriously disappeared without explanation? I think the repeated cries for help we can hear in the reversed audio of both trailers has something to do with the Zonai needing help, and that they aren't actually extinct.

Maybe they just went up to the sky.

Meanwhile, in the department of shit that looks really fun but also has the potential to be really, really irritating to fight... a Talus fort. And apparently Bokoblins are now unicorns.

Okay so when we see Link phase through the stone at the end of the trailer (which I'm going to get to because holy shit), his arm is lit up with that same bluegreen light. In this scene, though, his arm is that dormant dark jade color and only a spot on the back of his hand is lit up with golden light, which makes me wonder if this has anything to do with his Triforce piece. The Triforce was curiously absent from the first game.

Whatever this plant thing is strongly reminds me of Kalle Demos in Windwaker. Either way, yes, Link, burn it with fire.

Hello, awesome flame thrower shield. Hello, dragon head iconography we see everywhere in Zonai architecture.

When I first saw this shot I was thinking that couldn't be Link's arm because of the fingernails being too long.

But then I had the thought that maybe it's just a mid-transition between the long nails on the blue hand and the short nails on Link, and they'll just kind of withdraw until we see the hand that's on Link in the rest of the trailer.

And last but not least:

What.

The fuck.

Is this.

How is it going to be utilized.

And holy hell it looks like it will be fun as shit.

In closing:

I wanted to put a couple more images in this but Tumblr limits you to 10. Fuck you, Tumblr, seriously. I'm too verbose for these archaic limitations. Also:

"Aiming for a 2022 release."

Please. Nintendo. Please. It will have been five years. PLEASE do not delay this game three times like you did the first one.

PLEASE.

[twilightfansofcolor]

Black!Bella (New Moon edition)

wc: 1.7k

So the summer is here and Bella is on cloud 9

Without a doubt one of the best summers ever

When her leg healed up, Charlie took her hiking just like when she was little, or they’d go to La Push to look at the tidepools or they’d just go to Seattle to visit the aquarium

Sleepovers with Jessica and Angela where they’d stay up watching Studio Ghibli movies, binge watching the Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar YouTube channels, giving each other makeovers and giving each other recommendations about skin care products

Long conversations with Renee about college

Renee thinks Bella should try a school in New York

Charlie wants her to go an HBCU

She never told Charlie that she filled out applications for NYU and a school in Louisiana that she liked, and that she was expecting to hear back from them soon

Bella and Edward would spend hours at their favorite bookstore chain in Port Angeles looking through the summer releases

They went there so much they were offered membership cards where they’d get 15% off every purchase

Sleepovers with Alice where Bella would constantly ask her what she saw in that C*nfederate 

Bella’s first few weeks of school fall around the same time as her birthday

She doesn’t have that many classes with Edward or Alice which she finds odd since Forks High is a small school

 Bella’s birthday is pretty much canon

Renee gave her a gift box of her favorite Godiva chocolate, makeup and skincare products while Charlie got her a Nintendo Switch with a few games so they could play against each other on Mario Kart.

The birthday party is still the same and ends in disaster 

Edward starts distancing himself from her, and so does Alice

Alice doesn’t wait for her outside her art class so they could walk to physics 

Something is wrong, Bella can feel it in her bones even though Angela and Jessica tell her that it’s probably nothing

Bella is bracing for whatever is coming. Could it be Victoria seeking revenge and Edward doesn’t know how to tell her?

Something worse, much worse

Bella listens to him tell her that they have to leave Forks and it takes her a minute to realize that the Cullens have to leave town without her

“In the hospital, you said you’d stay!”

“As long as it was safe for you, and after what happened at the party, it’s clearly not safe for me to be around you, Bella.”

Edward kisses her on the forehead one last time before he leaves, probably forever 

Charlie isn’t home from work so she just works on dinner in a daze with the television volume up as loud as she can stand it, NCIS blaring from the living room

Charlie confronts her when he finds out that the Cullens left town and that’s when she just cries, acknowledging it for the first time in hours

The following weeks after his departure are touch and go. 

She goes weeks without getting her hair braided, and just keeps it in a bun/poof 

Bella doesn’t wear makeup no matter how many times Charlie tries to entice her with the Vogue YouTube channel

“C’mon Bella, you love Saweetie,” Charlie said as if she were a toddler again, trying to get her to eat Cauliflower 

It isn’t until Charlie calls her mom that she snaps out of it and Renee tells her what she needs to know

“Bella, I know you’re going through a hard time, but you have other things you need to be worrying about. It hurts, I know, but moping around ain’t gonna bring him back, and you’re not the first person to be dumped. You’re getting ready to graduate high school in less than a year, and you need to start thinking about your future.”

Renee had never spoken to her like that before but she realized her mom was right, she did need to start thinking about her plans for the future

After giving herself two more days to cry it out, Bella gets right back to business

She’s blasting Flo Milli while she gets ready for school, gets a new wardrobe and is now tutoring kids in school and La Push for some extra cash

Which is how she runs into Jacob again

She helps him with biology which turns into Charlie coming home and finding the two of them watching Guy's Grocery Games and arguing about which contestant they think is getting the boot next

Not that he’s complaining. He’s secretly hoping they’d get together

One Friday night in February, Bella invites him to the movies with a few friends from school

And it starts to go downhill when Jacob threatens Mike, who got sick halfway through the movie

Jacob reveals his feelings for Bella but she has to reject his advances

She loves Jacob, he’s been so sweet to her, but she cannot handle another relationship when she’s barely over the first one

When Bella calls him on Saturday morning to apologize, he doesn’t pick up the phone or answer any of her texts but she thinks nothing of it, chalking it up to him being sick

The next time she calls, she calls the house and Billy tells her Jacob is feeling better but that he’s not up for visitors, so she takes matters into her own hands

She spends the entire morning parked outside his house waiting for him

Bella doesn’t recognize him, he’s a lot bigger, his hair is shorter and his usually warm brown eyes look cold

Jacob tells her to go home and not to come back and Bella knows that Sam finally got him like he did Embry and he proceeds to tell her how he’s not good enough for her like the Cullens and alludes to the fact that he knows the Cullens’ secret

“You’ve been lying to everyone. Charlie… but you can’t lie to me, Bella. Go home. Or you’re gonna get hurt.”

She just stands there in the cold rain, getting soaked from head to toe, and she can’t tell if she’s crying or if it’s just the rain hitting her face

She has a strange dream involving a brown wolf the size of a horse, Jacob, and surprisingly, Edward

Bella confronts Jacob again, this time almost getting into it with Paul who turns into a wolf right in front her

Embry and Jared take her back to Sam’s house where she meets Emily

Bella and Emily get along well, and she finds out Emily is from the Makah tribe in Neah Bay, but she’s an elementary school math teacher’s assistant at the tribal school

She’s relieved when Jacob comes back to the house, safe and free of scratches and they walk along the beach and catch up

Bella is just happy that her friend is back and she vents about what’s really been bothering her: the encounter with Laurent, saying that Victoria is still looking for him

“You don’t have to worry about them. We took down the one with the locs easy enough.”

It doesn’t register for a minute so she just stands there, trying to make sense of it. “Y-you… killed Laurent?”

At this point, Bella is crying with tears of joy, her mascara smearing with tears and Jacob just holding her

Their friendship is back to normal in no time and pick up right where they left off

Bella has to remind Charlie, Angela and Jessica several times that she’s not dating Jacob 

Not that she hasn’t thought about it

It would be so easy, and both of their dads would be happy, and she wouldn’t have to lie like she does with Charlie and any of her friends

One day they’re just driving around, goofing off when she sees a group of kids jumping from the cliff

She’s getting her phone out to dial 911 before Jake stops her and tells her that they’re just cliff diving

Jacob offers to take her sometime, maybe when it’s warmer out, promising they’ll start at the lower level

It’s dark when they pull up to her house and Bella starts to invite him in for dinner when she notices a familiar car parked down the street

Bella remembers everything about that car, the quiet engine as she sat in the back seat while his C*nfederate brother drove them to Phoenix, the feel of the leather seats as she slept.

They go in anyway, and Bella is surprised to see Alice sitting on the couch reading a magazine, but she needs Bella’s help because Edward is in trouble

The audacity. The sheer fucking audacity

“I haven’t heard from you in almost a year. You avoided me in the halls, you blocked my number and my email, but now when you reappear from thin air I’m supposed to help you? What do I get out of this?”

Alice insists that Edward needs Bella’s help, that she can’t do this without her

At this point Bella knows that Charlie put a tracking device on her phone, and she’s not going to risk it

Jacob begging her not to go, and she really doesn’t want to go either

Instead she writes a quick letter telling Edward not to do what he’s thinking of doing just because they’re not together, saying that she’s happy with how her life is and she gives it to Alice to pass along

Despite EVERYTHING that happened, she wants him to be safe, so Bella gives Alice the letter

“What does this mean? Would they come back?” Jacob asked after Alice had left.

Bella knows what would happen if all of the Cullens came back: more young Quileute kids turning into wolves, and she doesn’t want that to happen, but she can’t stop it from happening either

“I really have no clue, but that’s their decision, and I have no hand in that game.”

It takes three days before the Cullens return to Forks, and she’s facing Edward again one day in the woods behind her house

Bella just tells him everything she’s been feeling since he left and more

“There isn’t any hope for us, there probably never was, and we can’t pretend any of this never happened, Edward. You know that. We can’t go back to normal, because it wasn’t normal in the first place. You were right the first time, and I should’ve listened.”

It goes without saying that Bella is going to keep the secret, but she’s also going to move on with her life, and wants Edward to do the same

Alexa, play “Clean” by Taylor Swift

[gaemkyuu]

The Present

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault/rape, but not overtly descriptive.  A/N: As much as I like writing fluffy pieces or glimpses in time, I really wanted this series to have some sort of progression. A lot of the feelings and emotions that are in this piece was taken from personal experience or the experience of someone close to me. In no way do I claim that all experiences are similar to the one disclosed in this piece of fictional writing. Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece on Charlie Gillespie. In no way do I claim or declare that Charlie’s portrayal is accurate to real life. I do however, own Teagan Valencia :)

Masterlist  *now taking requests ;)

The Teagan Valencia Series: The Meeting  / The Fight / The Proposal / The Present / The Recovery / The Future

***Please note that sensitive topics are addressed in the writing and may cause discomfort or trigger readers. If subjects such as non-consensual sexual engagement, rape or sexual assault cause discomfort, please refrain from reading the story.

The Present

“Cut! That’s a wrap on this scene, great job everyone! Let’s break for lunch” Kenny announced to the crew. He smiled at Teagan releasing a big sigh. As awesome as this all was, it could still be tiring!

“You’re doing a great job Kenny. Seriously, I can’t wait for the second season” Teagan gave Kenny a hug from behind his chair.

“I should be giving you a giant hug Teagan!” Kenny stood up from his directing chair, moving his way to Tegan. “Congratulations on your engagement!” He gave her a big bear hug. “Now let me see the ring!” Teagan showed her his hand and he inspected the ring gleefully. Although they had gotten engaged two weeks ago, this was their first week filming and the first time Kenny saw her since the night of the party.

“I told you I had good taste Kenny” Charlie came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, perching his chin on my shoulders.

“Honey, you didn’t pick out the ring, you just picked it up” Teagan joked as Kenny released her hand. Turning to give Charlie a quick playful peck on the lips, Teagan saw the playful smirk kneeing he had a clever come back.

“I’m not talking about the ring, I’m talking about the person” he smirked kissing her back playfully. “Are you joining us for lunch?” His eyes hopeful.

“Well since you can’t leave the set for a birthday lunch, I guess so” she dramatically sighed acting like she was disappointed.

“Hey! I’m taking you out for dinner! Remember? Birthday dinner?” Teagan’s dramatic façade broke and Charlie realized he fell for it. “Sometimes I wonder why you're not the one in front of the camera”.

Charlie kissed her on the cheek and led her to lunch with the rest of the cast. As usual Maddy already had the designated brownie plate that both of them shared from and Savannah was able to join them as she finished in hair and make up. Everyone had a fun time chatting and hanging out at lunch but they had to continue filming. Charlie, Owen and Jeremy had to go get touched up and a new wardrobe on, but he left Teagan in the company of Booboo and Savannah, as Maddy went to go take a nap. 

“Hey Savannah, we are going to need you and Maddi on set soon” the three of them jumped at the sudden interruption from the new Production Assistant. His eyes piercing and intense staring at Teagan. “I’m James the new Production Assistant and you are?”

“I’m Charlie’s fiancé, I’m just visiting him on set today.” Teagan smiled back politely despite feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. She came to understand that this was the new PA that kept coming up in their group chat. It was no secret that a majority of the cast who had interacted with him felt slightly uneasy. Owen had been changing in the wardrobe trailer when he “popped out of nowhere and scared the living shit” out of Owen. Jeremy had been sneaking onto the set to take a nap in Julie’s infamous bed when he found James lurking around in the dim lighting. There were a few other stories that Teagan remembered, but she waved it off as James being misunderstood as he was new to the cast.

“Oh yeah! Sure! I’ll go get Maddi” Savannah stood up quickly getting ready to film.  

“Well ladies, it was a fun lunch, but I’m done on set and need to head over to a photo shoot” Booboo smiled collecting their lunch mess and glancing at his watch. “Which starts in an hour, shit. I better get going. Happy Birthday again Teagan, I wish I could be there tonight!”

“Don’t worry about it Booboo, let’s take a raincheck” Booboo gave her a big hug and waved them goodbye. “Hey I’ll come with you since I’m going to hang out in Charlie’s trailer” she stopped Savannah getting out of her chair too. “As much as I love watching him act, I know he has the Switch in his trailer and I want to play Mario Kart”

Savannah giggled at her friend and the two of them noticed James still standing there. “I’ll go grab Maddi if you want to let Kenny know we are on our way” Savannah smiled at the PA, who simply gave a curt nod, never taking his eyes off of Teagan. The two girls waited until he was no longer in their line of sight before moving towards the trailers. “Between you and me, I heard he’s being let go at the end of the week”

“What? Why?” Savannah looked incredulously at Teagan, shocked at her response. “Okay, I know he’s kinda weird and freaking people out, but what if it’s because he’s new?“

“He was hired last minute because of some pregnancy complications our actual PA Sarah had. She was cleared by the doctor to come and work yesterday, but she won’t be able to be here until the end of the week. We told Kenny we would much rather have her here and not James” Savannah shuddered as she said his name. Teagan didn’t know that he made everyone feel this uncomfortable.

“Who hired him?” She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because someone had thought he was a good fit. There must have been some sort of misunderstanding!“

“Netflix kinda threw him in since it was so last minute! He’s from Vancouver, so it made things easier” Savannah shrugged stopping in front of Charlie’s trailer. “Now go relax birthday queen, we’ll come get you in a few hours when we’ve wrapped and we can get ready at my apartment!”. 

Teagan smiled and hugged her friend, entering the trailer shortly after. She was greeted with the familiar scent of pine and cologne, just like Charlie. His trailer was neat, save for the sweater or shirt tossed here or there, and his acoustic guitar propped up against the couch. She opened his fridge pleased to find it stocked with water bottles, knowing well that Charlie mostly drank from his blue hydro flask to reduce the amount of plastic in the environment. After grabbing a bottle, she headed to the couch of the trailer where she plopped down and grabbed his Nintendo switch. She played a couple rounds of Mario Kart, drinking water when she felt a sudden sleepiness descend her. Putting the switch away, she took off her shoes and clothes opting to wear Charlie’s orange hoodie and black sweats for her nap. Glancing at the clock, she realized she had about two hours before they would start wrapping up for the day and thought a little cat nap wouldn’t do any harm. Plus, Savannah knew where she would be in case she didn’t pick up her phone. With that Teagan drifted off to sleep on the couch.

Teagan didn’t expect to wake up on the floor of the trailer with both arms restrained to the leg of the desk. Confused for a moment, she found herself restrained like a hostage in a movie, her hands tied with heavy and thick rope and a cloth restraining her mouth. Looking around, she recognized she was still in Charlie’s trailer and thought this was a cruel joke that her friends were playing on her. To her horror, she realized it wasn’t a prank when she saw James shutting the blinds and locking the trailer. She took a deep breath to scream, but quickly stopped when James noticed that she was awake, unsheathing his pocket knife.

“You're so pretty” he whispered, drawing close so that he was inches away from her face. She watched tensely as his eyes scanned her face with this crazy look in his eyes. “If you scream I will hurt you” he whispered as he untied the cloth muffling her mouth. Teagan was too afraid to say anything as James started to laugh. “You did it James, you got a pretty one” he smacked his head twice dropping the knife by Teagan’s foot. As he paced the trailer muttering to himself, she tried to inch the knife slowly to her with her foot, but this caught her captor’s attention. “Oh no you don’t!” he lunged for the knife as Teagan tried to kick him away, her leg getting nicked in the scuffle.

“Help!” she cried, but was quickly muffled by one hand on her mouth, the other holding the knife pressed up against her throat.

“I told you not to scream!” he yelled at her. Teagan began to cry in fear as she realized the man was mentally unstable and out of control. “Now I don’t trust you!” he gagged her with the cloth that was previously muffling her pulling at her hair in the process. Teagan tensed as he pressed the knife back to her throat. “I’m serious. I will cut you if you scream” he threatened holding her jaw with his free hand, forcing her to look at him. As more tears began to fall from her eyes, he cooed and shushed her hoping that she would stop. “Stop being sad. You aren’t pretty when you’re sad. I can make you happy. Let’s do that!” she trembled as his face lit up as though he had come up with a brilliant idea. He suddenly stood up and smacked his head again, muttering to himself incoherently. Teagan had no idea what to do. If she made a ruckus someone might be able to hear her, but the man in front of her might act on his words. She winced as he bumped the leg that he nicked.

“Did I hurt you? Oh no... Dammit you’ve damaged the merchandise James... You made her ugly! No. no. I can fix it. I can fix it” Teagan watched as he cursed at himself, dropping down to her side, yanking off Charlie’s sweats. The cut wasn’t deep by any means, but it was there and about two inches in length. However, it left Teagan pant less on the floor of the trailer with James staring at her half naked form, hands shaking as he drew nearer to her. Teagan knew what was to come as she struggled against her restraints and he pinned her legs down, approaching parts of her body she only let Charlie touch or see. Tears started to flow freely from her eyes as she protested through her gag, shaking her head no and trying to yell for help. James didn’t care anymore that Teagan had become vocal again, as he was too focused on indulging his own fantasies. Teagan cried out desperately and squeezed her eyes shut, wishing for this whole thing to go away. A banging on the door interrupted both of their thoughts as they froze. James terrified that he had been caught and Teagan hopeful that someone had come to end this. 

“Teags! It’s Owen, open up! You alright in there?” 

Teagan realized this was her only chance to end this and she screamed the loudest Help she could despite being gagged. She was sure Owen wouldn’t be able to make out what she was saying, but the fact that it was a scream would have alerted him to something important. The banging on the door became steady and stronger as if he was trying to break the door down. They could hear him screaming for help and speaking to someone over the phone. Quickly a commotion began to gather outside the trailer and James paled.

“This is all your fault! You stupid bitch! I told you to be quiet” he slapped her hard across the face, a burning sensation residing in her cheek. “You were supposed to be quiet!” he slapped her again on the opposite cheek, but this caused the back of her head to hit the leg of the desk that restrained her hands. A ringing in Teagan’s ears overcame all of her senses and she couldn’t focus on anything else. She felt him roughly cut her restraints and drag her to a standing position, but she couldn’t stand. She felt dizzy and nauseous at the sudden motion as the ringing in her ears started to subside. James held the knife against her throat, his back to the wall waiting for people to break into the trailer.

With a final bang, security was able to bust the door open, two of them filing into the tiny trailer, Owen standing behind them. There was Teagan, a knife being held to her throat, a swollen cheek, her underwear discarded on the floor and the orange hoodie preserving whatever parts of her body that it could. She felt the knife press into her neck as James and the security officers yelled back and forth at one another. She could feel a sharp stinging sensation and warm liquid languidly make its way down her neck. The yelling intensified and so did the pain. Teagan could barely hear Owen’s attempts to comfort her and assure her over the noise. She couldn’t understand what was happening, but James’ body tensed and convulsed, pushing the knife slightly deeper into her for a moment and then collapsing to the floor. In a rush of motion and bodies, the two security officers rushed to James’ shocked body on the floor and Owen rushed to Teagan, quickly untying the pink hoodie that was a part of his costume to help cover her up.

“Teagan! Teagan look at me, are you alright?” Owen’s voice snapped her back to reality as his soft anxious blue eyes searched hers.

“...Owen?” his name came out as a tremble followed by a fresh stream of tears as she lunged into his chest. He caught her and held on to her just as tight as she held onto him. Owen’s heart broke as she held onto him for dear life. He picked her up, never letting her go and moving her out of the trailer as the security guards handled the rest. As Owen exited, the small crowd of castmates and crew that had gathered in the alley gasped at the sight of Owen and Teagan. Savannah rushed over to throw her jacket over her legs to help Owen’s pink hoodie, giving her soft rubs on her back as she sobbed into Owen’s chest.

“Teagan?! Teagan! Oh my god, what the fuck happened?!” Teagan’s face came out of hiding as she heard Charlie’s voice. Their eyes met as Charlie sprinted over to her, pushing people out of the way. Owen quickly handed Teagan to Charlie, both of them crying and Kenny arriving at the scene with Maddi. Sadness befell their faces at the scene, but Kenny quickly took charge and started dispersing the crowds, giving orders to others to help remedy the situation. Teagan sobbed uncontrollably in Charlie’s arms and he offered as much comfort and solace as he could. The paramedics soon arrived and Charlie had no choice but to hand her over to them, but he followed the paramedics to their van with Owen and Savannah in tow.

Along the way, Owen had explained how he had come to find her. It turns out that Owen wasn’t needed for the final shots of the day, so he went to find Teagan before changing. Savannah had mentioned that Teagan had gone to hangout in Charlie’s trailer, so naturally Owen made his way over. He didn’t expect the muffled sounds of desperate screams and cries to intensify as he neared Charlie’s trailer. He knew something was wrong, but the door was locked, and after confirming that she weren’t doing something else, he began to yell for help and try to break the door down. As one team of paramedics checked on Teagan, Kenny asked the other team to check on Owen as he used physical force to break the door down with the security team. Therefore, he wanted to make sure Owen didn’t hurt himself in the adrenaline of it all. The entire time Teagan sat on the stretcher and gurney, covered with a blanket, Charlie held onto her hand tightly. Her tears subsided but everyone could tell she was still shaken. The rest of the cast members who were still on set were escorted to their vehicles and told to return home for the day. Filming had to come to a halt until they were cleared to run again. 

“Mrs. Valencia, I’m going to need you to confirm some details of your assault so we can properly attend to you” the female police officer spoke to Teagan with an apologetic looking female paramedic at her side. “Sir, we are going to have to ask you to let us speak to her privately” 

Charlie kissed her forehead and went to let go of her hand, which Teagan protested.

“No please. He can stay. Please, I need him” her voice initially came out strong and desperate, but fell to a quiet whisper as she finished speaking. The police officer made eye contact with one another and then with Charlie, who returned closer to her side.

“Very well. Mrs. Valencia, did your assailant force any penetration on you?” the police officer got right to the point, staring deeply into Teagan’s eyes. Charlie tensed, preparing himself to hear the answer he didn’t want to hear. Teagan hesitantly shook her head no. “Did he force himself upon you that can be considered sexual assault” she bowed her head, ashamed of what she was admitting, and softly nodded. “I’m sorry Mrs. Valencia, I’m going to need you to tell me a little more than that” the police officer looked at her apologetically, knowing fully that this was a difficult conversation to have. “We need to have a verbal confirmation.”

“It was just his fingers. No kissing or anything more” Teagan whispered, her eyes filling with tears once more. The police officer thanked her and nodded to the paramedic who finished cleaning her cuts and bandaging them up. Charlie held her hand the entire time, rubbing soft circles on her back. After the paramedic was done, she gave the two of them a moment alone.

“I’m so sorry Charlie” Teagan whimpered, crying all over again. She bowed her head in shame and embarrassment, feeling hopeless and defeated.

“Teagan, look at me” and when she refused to lift her head, he placed a finger under her chin to lift it. Teagan looked at his eyes full of determination, anger and conviction. “Don’t you ever apologize for what happened to you.” his voice was stern, unwavering despite the emotions he felt inside. “None of this is your fault. Don’t think for a second that you are responsible in some way shape or form.” His eyes bore an intensity that Teagan only saw when something upset him, in which she couldn’t blame him.

“Do you still love me?” she tried to be strong as she spoke, but her tears got the best of her. Charlie’s eyes suddenly became soft, concerned and worried. She couldn’t bear to look at him as she felt that he may have been disappointed in her.

“Of course I do Teags. Nothing could ever change that.” her tears softly fell down her face as Charlie pulled her in for a tight hug, peppering her with kisses. “I’m so sorry Teags, you must have been so scared” he rubbed her back hoping to provide more comfort and assurance. “I’ll love you no matter what. This doesn’t change anything, Mrs. Gillespie” the last part of his comment made her chuckle through her tears and pull away to look at him. “I can’t promise you and say things are going to be the same from here on out, but I can promise you that I’m not leaving you. Ever.” He had hoped that his eyes conveyed his commitment to her and she confirmed this with a gentle kiss on his lips. Charlie was careful to kiss her back knowing that she was still in pain from the assault.

This was a hurdle that they were going to face together. Teagan knew deep down that this event had caused serious damage and she couldn’t quite come to terms with what happened. However, she knew that Charlie was going to be with her and oddly enough, that was all she needed right now.

[nothinglost1976]

Stan Headcanons (Incomplete)-

Various AU-verses

•Hogwarts House - Ravenclaw

•Daemon (His Dark Material): Weasel named Eriphus.

•Circus Au: Stan would do aerial ribbon and aerial hoop. It’s the closest thing to actually flying he can get and despite the distance from the ground, he absolutely loves to let himself go when he performs. Sometimes during a hoop performance, he’ll involve some of the birds that perform. They’re his favorite partners.

•Subject(Maze Runner) - A23: The Intellect (Immune: Med-Jack)

•Zodiac House(Zodiac Novel Series): Cancer

•Fraction(Divergent) - Erudite

•District(Hunger Games) - District 3

•Half-Blood Camp(Percy Jackson) - Son of Pan

•Superpowers - Zoolingualism (Communicate with Animals), Biokinesis (Biological Manipulations), Thiriokinesis (Animal Control)

•Omegaverse(ABO-verse) - Depends on who his partner is.

*As an Alpha, he’s highly protective of his mate. His normally cool and composed behavior is still mostly there. His usual disposition slips a bit when a rut is active. He scents his mate a couple times daily. His scent smells similar to a pine tree.

*As a Beta, Stan is basically his usual self. He’s good at keeping both alphas and omegas calm.

*As an Omega, he’s a highly doting omega. Still his usual composed self unless he’s in a heat. He’s mildly more aggressive when trying to give himself to his mate. His scent is close to s’mores. He likes to be scented as often as possible.

•Darkest Minds - Orange

•Zombie Apocalypse AU: Weapon of Choice - His bird book and a club decorated with nails

•Supernatural Creature: Either Vampire(has purple eyes, Omni-Psionickinesis) or Witch

•Assassin AU: Bow & Arrow (tips usually dipped in an undetectable poison) or knives/blades of some sort (also dipped in same poison as his arrowheads). His Creed tattoo (located on his wrist where he can cover using a watch or a wrist band/cuff):

Headcanons

•Despite not having seen his friends in years, Stan has every book by Bill (as well as any movie adaptation) and every performance done by Richie(Saved/Downloaded). He also has merchandise from Richie’s shows (usually shirts). Anything that was made and sold by the other Losers, he has (at least a few of each product).

•The only two pets Stan has are a parrotlet named Galaxy and a canary named Lady. He cleans their cages and dishes twice daily.

•He listens to a lot of The Beatles and The Mamas & The Papas but when he’s alone, he listens to a mix of basically everything.

•Stan tries to get over his fears by attempting to watch horror movies by himself but he usually shuts it off ten to twenty minutes into the movie.

•Stan can play piano and violin like a pro. He doesn’t play in front of his friends or anyone really. He’s shy about anyone hearing him.

•He’s demisexual. He’s only had a handful of close enough connections that he’d even consider being in relationships with. He’s a (mostly) gentle lover and is versatile (Switch). If you obey what he says (because he likes his control) then he stays pretty gentle with things. If you don’t, he gets more firm/rough/Dominant

•Stan has six tattoos in various spots. One for each of the Losers. Each tattoo is the size of either two fingers or the palm sized. The tattoos on his waist are all below his pant waistline. You have to remove the pants to see them.

*Richie’s tattoo. It has a ribbon wrapping around that says Richie “Trashmouth” Tozier. It’s palm sized and is located on his lower (almost on his upper thigh) left hip.

*Eddie’s tattoo. The words are replaced with Eddie Kaspbrak. It’s the length of his wrist and the size of three fingers. It’s located on his right hip, just as low as Richie’s.

*Bill’s tattoo. It’s angled. The scribble line is written to say Bill Denbrough. It’s the size of two fingers and the length of his middle finger. It is located between Richie and Eddie’s tattoos.

*Bev’s tattoo. Beverly Marsh is written in neat little red scrawled letters along the box lines. The size is of two fingers. It’s located just below the neck between his shoulder blades.

*Ben’s tattoo. Instead of birds, it has Ben Hanscom floating away in a cloud of colorful dust. It’s palm sized. It’s located on Stan’s right shoulder.

*Mike’s tattoo. It has Mike Hanlon written on a ribbon that flows between the flowers. This is actually his biggest. It goes from the middle of his fingers to his wrist. It’s located on the middle of his back.

•Each tattoo is Stan’s reminder of who his friends are, who his family is and the six people he loves the most in his life.

•Sometimes if Stan can’t find the words he wants to express the way he’s feeling, he’ll use music.

•Stan doesn’t drink much. One or two is the most. If he drinks more than that, he tends to get flirty and very touchy. And pretty horny.

•Stan likes musicals. He won’t admit he does but he does. He can sing along to most of them (usually his favorites). He also enjoys Disney movies for (most of) the music.

•He can wield a sword as well as shoot a gun and bow & arrows. After the Losers ordeals, he learned to protect himself by fighting back.

•In one verse, Stan is actually a tattoo artist. Still canon divergent but after the first clown incident, he changed and when he left he became a tattoo artist. He’s the one that made Richie, Bill and Eddie’s tattoos and tattooed them himself.

•Stan doesn’t verbally say I love you often. He prefers to show it in the things he does for his loved ones. If he tells you I love you it’s because he does and feels the need to vocalize it.

•Stan won’t sing in front of anyone. Not even the other Losers. He gets shy and embarrassed if anyone hears.

•Stanley would convert his religious beliefs for the one he’s with if they asked him to.

•Stan doesn’t like people touching what’s his. Be it an object or a lover, he hates people touching. Least of all without permission. He’s okay if someone has asked to touch whatever/whoever but not without permission. If you don’t ask his lover for their permission, he’s going to be upset even if he doesn’t say it.

•Stan has actually had a few thoughts/dreams where he’s had a complete meltdown. One that always triggers him into panicking is the Losers having failed in their first battle against Pennywise and he has to watch as It tears each of the Losers apart and devours them slowly. His own death is never what brings him to tears. It’s the whole idea that his only friends and family that he truly loves and adores could be taken from him because he couldn’t save them. Usually if he’s around the others, he dismisses himself to hide away and let it all out. Then he cries a lot and hard and he becomes a total mess. One of few times that Stanley Uris loses his cool and collected disposition.

•Stan suffers from depression and PTSD(because let’s face it, after THAT ordeal, who wouldn’t??). He gets in modes of depression where he does actually inflict self-harm. He chooses to inflict his wounds in spots that he doesn’t think will be caught or seen by any of the other Losers. He has made two actual suicide attempts. One with a bottle of pills (his mother found him and he was brought to the hospital) and once by cutting his wrist (again found by his mother. She freaked out(for obvious reasons) and had him committed for four days). His usual inflicted locations are his upper thighs (hidden by shorts), the underside of his upper arm (usually hidden by his shirt sleeves), hips (below the waistline of his pants), and if he’s in a really dark spot then the side of his neck (really close to his jawline).

•If something comes up (usually when he worried or scared) he’ll grab onto someone’s hand or wrist and just hold onto until whatever has him panicked or freaked out is gone or over with. Sometimes he tucks his face away in their shoulder or neck

•Stan doesn’t say I love you often to people but when he does it’s because he truly loves them and completely trusts them with his life. Rarely does he ever actually say the words “I trust you.” out loud.

•Stan is hard to read as is but sometimes if you check his eyes (that’s where all of his emotions can be read if you’re good at reading how he’s feeling) you’ll know if he dislikes someone or holds hostility towards them. That and the venom and ice in his words.

•While Stan is shy about singing, he will sing while drinking/drunk. He will also serenade people in those moments. (It doesn’t happen often. It’s SUPER rare! Plus he has to be far enough gone (Like nearly blackout drunk) for it to actually happen.)

•Stan is master at Avicii Invector (Nintendo Switch game). He is also a Pokémon Master! He likes playing various games.

•The only way you way you know if Stan is drunk is because he is completely different than he is sober. He’s far more outgoing and boisterous. He is a hardcore flirt (a minx as Eddie so kindly put it) and it’s pretty easy to convince him to get into your bed. On top of that he likes to sing/serenade people and dance. He’s no pro but he is pretty good at dancing.

•Stan is a quiet person. He doesn’t yell or scream (even when he’s upset). It would take a lot for Stan to scream over anything (his nightmare of Pennywise ripping apart and devouring the Losers is one).

[boy2reality]

Ready for more memories of being a lab rat? I sure as shit wasn't, but here they are anyway. [Warnings for: body horror, abuse, hospitals.]

So! After my stomach got... Replaced/fused with whatever my darling ol' dad decided to put in me, I couldn't eat anymore. I was a bit too traumatized and in shock to care about not ever being able to eat a cheeseburger again. I was more like... How in the hell am I supposed to live like this? Am I gonna have to live in the hospital for the rest of my life? Are they going to do more experiments on me? Every time the door to my room opened in the morning, I was terrified they were going to wheel me to the operating room.

My intuition is telling me that my days were pretty routine for the next month or so. Twice a day I would be put into a wheelchair and wheeled around the facility. The person wheeling me around would often stop in front of people who were experiencing strong emotions; the grief of losing a loved one, the joy of welcoming a new child into the world, arguments between people. Witnessing these strong emotions would translate into sustenance for me. The stronger the emotions, the more full I would get.

The rest of the time, I would be left in my bed. I would occasionally request entertainment, and sometimes it would be granted. I ended up with a small pile of books and magazines at my bedside table, along with a purple Game Boy Advance. (Woo, another past life with Nintendo products!)

Unfortunately, this peace wouldn't last. Once I had been deemed 'recovered' from the stomach surgery, additional experimentation began to be conducted on me. I currently remember two 'minor' experiments, and one 'major' one.

We'll start off with the minor, since they're extremely fuzzy to me. I hadn't been hooked up to an IV in quite some time. So I was a bit confused when two staff members wheeled in a new set of bags. One of them had a clear liquid in it, while the other had this... Sickly green liquid in it. They ended up hooking both of them up to me and leaving.

I know I ended up getting extremely ill from whatever was in those bags. I became totally delirious, was running a high fever, sweating profusely. I think they left it in me for... Maybe a day? It was absolutely miserable. It took me weeks to recover fully from.

A second, but extremely fuzzy memory of testing... A single staff member brought in this weird... Stethoscope... Thing? I plan on drawing all of the strange devices and shit I saw. He put the earpieces in his ears. The other end had these two cold beads that he drug across the interior of my arm. He very carefully glided it across my skin... Then suddenly pushed the beads down hard, and an electric surge went through my body. At least, that's what it felt like. He did this to all my limbs and then left.

So now we're onto the big one.

I ended up getting sent back to the operating room. I was absolutely terrified. My father was there, along with two other staff members. There was a long horizontal window that I could see them through, and they were chattering excitedly. One of them was holding something in their hands. Another weird piece of tech that I'd never seen before.

This is the one I got the best look out of. It resembled a speaker, and had three dials on the front of it. It was plated with gold. There was no plug-in for it. I'll definitely draw it here soon. After they were done talking amongst themselves, they came in and put it on the bedside table ahead of me.

At this point, I was sobbing. I knew nothing good was going to come of this. I was flat out wailing to my dad. Tears were practically flying out of my eyes. Please, please don't do this. I know nothing good comes from these devices. My cries fell on deaf ears. I screamed at them, told them to stop. No answer. No compassion. Just cold, methodical ignorance.

They twisted the center dial on the device and scurried out of the room. I heard a shrill beeping from beyond the door, and then a loud thud. I was still sobbing from the sheer terror I was feeling, but... The speaker began to play.

I was totally entranced by it. God, it's so hard to explain. At first, it emitted this flat tone, almost like a frequency. But it continued to rise in pitch. I felt this... Sensation, near my ears. Almost like something was trying to get into my brain through them. I could do nothing to fight it. My head was totally empty.

The tone rose and rose in pitch, and eventually, it... Went above the highest pitch it could manage? It sounded like an explosion of sound. Whatever was trying to enter my brain succeeded. You know when you dive into a pool of cold water? That's what it felt like, but... In my head. It felt like cold water was flowing in my head. It honestly felt kind of good. This sensation lasted for minutes, and I had closed my eyes, taking it all in.

But then, the 'music explosion' ended, and the tone came back. I opened my eyes, and saw something coming out of the speaker. Dark, shadowy tendrils were floating out of it, and they STRUCK at me. They violently entered my head through my ears, causing an intense throbbing pain. It felt like they were trying to reach every area of my brain. I spasmed and screamed my head off. For a brief moment, through all the pain, I opened my eyes and saw that there were these... Shadow people. Surrounding my bed, smiling at me.

And just like that, it was over. Like flicking a light switch, the pain was gone, the shadows were gone, any strange sensations were gone. I was understandably freaking the fuck out. My father came in with an expectant look on his face, and asked me if I could hear him.

I was so pissed I'm pretty sure I was frothing at the mouth. I spit on him and told him, uh, YEAH, I can hear you, you fucking bastard, get me out of here. He ignored both the spit on his face and my verbal nastiness and ordered staff to take me back to my room.

This unfortunately wasn't my only experience with the device I (un)lovingly call the 'audiovisual torture cube', but this is getting long enough. Thankfully, my next log will be the end of being a lab rat.

[amplesalty]

Christmas 2019: Day 11 - Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

Eleven bags of (fake) dog poo!

As Mrs Schwartz told us in A Christmas Story Live, at Christmas time when you’re a Jew it’s easy to feel kinda blue. Nothing serves to underline this more than the fact that the Wikipedia article for this movie describes it as having ‘received a cult following, especially among those in the Jewish community, as it is one of the highest profile and most known Hanukkah films.’ For Christmas, there are more classic movies than you could care to name but this movie seems to have earnt this distinction almost by default. Google Hanukkah movies and you will get lists of movies that start including even the most tenious of links just to make up the numbers. Hell, even the article cited as part of the above quote about this being one of the most high profile movies of it’s kind bears the headline ‘Jews deserve a better Hanukkah movie than Adam Sandler’s “Eight Crazy Nights” ’

I’ll get the good points of the movie out of the way quickly, well, point singular; it’s bad but moreso in that car crash can’t stop looking at it way. There’s a musical number at the end which encapsulates this but we’ll get onto that.

Honestly, I feel like I could just describe the first three minutes of this movie and call it a day. We get a burp joke, a massively offensive Asian accent and animated Adam Sandler fucking his car. Nothing I could possibly say could damn this movie anymoreso than it has itself.

And that’s not just ‘animated Adam Sandler’ to mean the character he’s voicing, the character is modeled exactly like him. Like, Dracula in Hotel Transylvania looked pretty like him and Mavis looked pretty like Selena Gomez as well but this is basically taking Adam Sandler and making him animated. It just lacks any imagination and seems like the cynical progression of having celebrities doing voiceover work. It’s not enough to have their voices attached to draw in a crowd, now you’ve got to have the characters look like them too.

Sandler does provide a few voices in this and for the briefest moment I was relieved to learn he wasn’t voicing the Asian waiter. That relief was shattered mere miliseconds later when I read that it was instead Rob Schneider providing the voice, a much, much worse fate.

I am very curious as to why this is even an animated film in the first place. It’s not something Sandler is usually known for and it is in no way meant for kids. Well, that’s not strictly true, the kind of humour it’s going for it perhaps suited more for immature kids but with all the casual swearing good luck getting an age appropriate rating. I mean, name a bodily function and it’s in here. You’ve got kids blowing snot, Sandler going for the worlds longest burp, farts with visible gas clouds, an old man covered in shit, deers shitting…the list goes on and on.

Maybe they were just keen to really subvert that whole ‘animation is for kids’ thinking that things like South Park had managed to buck to great success in the five or so years prior at the time. But the style reminds me a bit of The Iron Giant, there’s one kid near the start that looks like the kid in that so I dunno if maybe they were trying to trick people into thinking this was a kids movie on some level?

If there were one word I would use to describe this movie it would be ‘obnoxious’. That’s arguably the word used to describe most Adam Sandler vehicles to be fair. Like, I remember liking Billy Madison when I first saw it when I was younger but revisiting it sometime within the last few years…no. Happy Gilmore I still liked though and to his credit, Sandler does get the odd rave review when he goes against type.

You’ve got a supporting character called Whitey who is just shit on from a great height, being the subject of mockery for his age, height, appearance and even the seizures he has. To top it off he has an extremely annoying voice.

Sandler’s character is just a massive dickbag throughout but the movie oddly tries to claw back some sympathy by explaining that he lost both his parents in a car accident when he was a kid and effectively shutdown, becoming the bitter husk that he still is today. But it’s hard to have sympathy for a guy who will lock an old man in a port-a-potty, push it down a hill and then spray the guy in water to the point that it freezes him.

What’s really bizarre is the rampant product placement going on, the movie pretty much stops dead in it’s tracks to take a walk through a mall in order to point out all the stores like Foot Locker, The Sharper Image or Dunkin Donuts.

Hell, even Nintendo is getting in on the act when one of the kids says he got a Gameboy for Hanukkah. Just why Nintendo? Why would you lower yourself to this level? I know people always point to Nintendo as the ‘kiddy’ brand of the different consoles but I hardly think this is an appropriate way to show yourself as more adult.

The only part I would advise watching is the award ceremony at the end which is where most of the rubber necking value comes from. You have one scene where the Mayor tells a really terrible joke which for some reason has the crown in utter hysterics to the point where the old guy crawls on his table, the Asian waiter rips his shirt off and the basketball coach starts cossack dancing.

And then Sandler turns up to bitch about them not giving the old guy an award and chooses to do this through the medium of song. A rather good song actually, which is something of a novelty for this movie. It has this absurdity and mean spiritedness to it, from the way that Sandler crams in a neverending sentence that doesn’t fit the structure of the song at all or how one guys describes how he and his friends used the old guy as their own personal TV aerial and ignored his cries of pain when lightning struck him. And let us not forget the ‘BUM BIDDY BIDDY BIDDY BUM BUM’ dancing that comes completely out of nowhere and has doubtless entered internet folklore for these past near 20 years.

At least the movie is relatively short at only 1 hr 16 mins but even that feels twice as long. Just stick with watching the clip above out of context and then pick a much better Hanukkah movie instead like...Futurama: Bender’s Big Score? Yeah, it’s real slim pickings here.

[lighterandpaper]

Blessed Chicken Skin

“I know you think I’m always coming over here with the next miracle fad, but I do not say this lightly -- this chicken skin has been blessed by Father Toby. I watched him do it and I hear you, Patti, at the time I thought it was just nonsense. But I watched him wave his little hands all around it and then I ate it and suddenly... I am good at math. My marriage is saved. I have been cured of chronic fatigue and I am no longer at risk for botulism.” 

Two women are standing around Patti’s kitchen island. Vanessa has placed a Tupperware of chicken skin on the counter. She looks deadly serious. 

“I went to the church and got Father Toby to bless you a piece of skin, ‘cause I thought ‘Boy, Vanessa could really use some blessed skin.’“ She points to the Tupperware. 

“Uh, wow. You really think that skin is imbued with magic somehow?” Vanessa says.

“Oh, I saw it get blessed. That’s what I just told you. Can I put my coat somewhere?” Patti has her snow flaked coat in hand, searching for a place to put it. 

“Of course, here,” Vanessa says, grabbing the coat and taking it to the next room. “Ok!” she calls. “Just leave it there, I’ll eat it later!” 

There is no answer. When Vanessa finally returns, Patti has tears falling down her cheeks but she is standing firm, feet wide and fists balled. “Again, you don’t believe a word I am saying, do you? Every time I get a new product that’s life-changing you don’t believe me! And it hurts! Because these things are changing me and I don’t want to leave you behind when I’m basically superhuman.” 

Vanessa takes a deep breath. “Well, to be frank with you, I don’t think the products are actually making you better.” 

“What the fuck?” Patti says. Vanessa flinches. “Excuse my French, but what the fuck? How dare you! I am glowing. The check-out lady said so.” 

“OK! That’s fine. You can do your thing. You can have your juices and essential oils and blessed chicken skin... Can you just let me do my thing and we can be friends? We can just hang out and do pilates together?” 

“You know, Vanessa, I want to say yes. You know I love that face. And when we buy jewelry together, you always let me get turquoise stuff and you never get any so I can have a ‘turquoise thing.’ Don’t think I don’t see that! But... I just can’t be around someone who isn’t growing!” 

“Well, Patti, I’m growing! Just, I don’t believe in snake oil.” 

“Snake oil! Ok, now it comes out! You think Father Toby is a scam artist and a pedophile.” 

“Goodness, Patti! I didn’t say he was a pedophile. I just don’t believe that chicken skin can be magic.” 

“Ok! Ok!” Patti says, very thinly trying to seem reasonable, “Well, why don’t we go down to Father Toby’s sanctuary and you can tell him that yourself!”

“Sure!” Vanessa says. She runs to grab their coats. 

The snow is coming down. The two determined women trudge into Father Toby’s sanctuary. 

“Hello, my children,” Father Toby says. He turns off the Nintendo Switch he was playing. “What brings you out into this snowstorm?” 

“Hey, Father, I just wanted to give you an update. That chicken skin you blessed... Oh. My. God. I can basically fly.” She’s talking faster as she goes. “I almost thought about going to the moon!” She laughs loudly, the only one. “...Anyway, Father, this is my friend Vanessa, you might have seen her around.” 

“Hello, my child,” Father Toby says, bowing a little. Vanessa gives an almost sarcastic smile. 

Patti clears her throat. “We were just talking... and Vanessa... basically just thinks that the chicken isn’t real! She just doesn’t think it does anything! So... I just wanted you to give her a demonstration.” 

“What do you mean, my child?” 

“Just, like, waves your hands around and chant and make my skin crawl like you did before!”

“Well, this is interesting timing, because I have just received a call that the police are on the way. I thought that maybe you had something to do with it, but I guess not.” 

Vanessa scoffs. “The police? You hear that, Patti? Father Toby is--” 

“I’m sure it’s for a good reason! What’s going on, Father Toby?” 

“Well, there was some money exchanged... It is very complicated. But there is no point in hiding anything anymore. I have been a naughty priest. And Patty... Take my hands.” Patti clasps his hands, eyes glistening. “The chicken skin is not really magic. The power was within you the whole time.” 

Patti weeps. “Father Toby....” she cries. “That is so deep.” 

“Yes, my child. I’ll be gone for a while, but now you know that you have the power to move mountains, and you don’t need any chicken skin to do that...” 

“Oh my God... Do you hear this Vanessa?” 

“Yeah,” Vanessa says. “That’s what I told you.” 

“You didn’t say it as good...” Patti says, looking back longingly at Father Toby. The sound of sirens approach. 

The two women watch Father Toby ride away. “I cannot wait until he gets out of prison,” Patti says. “I am coming right back here.” 

[sternenteile]

NAME!  ♡   nikki / bun HEIGHT! ♡   5′3"......... i am a small creacher. i Canot change this. NATIONALITY!  ♡   puerto rican / german, american-born. FAVOURITE  FRUITS! ♡   strawberries, apples, and watermelons! FAVOURITE  SEASONS!  ♡   winter. forever. FAVOURITE  SCENTS!  ♡   vanilla, honey, cinnamon, basically dessert scents. lavender vanilla is the best for sleep. FAVOURITE  ANIMALS!  ♡   cats, dogs, and bunnies! for more obscure ones, tardigrades, axolotls, and purple frogs. yes, purple frogs. i love them. they look so stupid. TEA  /  COFFEE /  HOT  COCOA! ♡   tea! spiced indian tea (so, basically, what we all call ‘chai’) is my absolute favorite with english breakfast, a builder’s brew, being a close second. AVERAGE  HOURS  OF  SLEEP!  ♡   wildly depends between like... six to ten hours. it is so inconsistent rip. WHEN  MY  BLOG  WAS  CREATED!  ♡   november 25, 2018! well, it was a bit before that, i think, but that’s when i officially ‘established’ geno. RANDOM   FACT! ♡   guess what, y’all. i used to hate geno. i used to think he was overrated and soulless and just kinda stupid. fanon’s boring portrayal of him didn’t help much. revisiting smrpg and thinking of his lore potential, personality potential, etc. made me go from hating him to absolutely loving him, though. it was a total 180°. FAVOURITE  FOOD(S)!  ♡   pizza, pasta (put it in a boooox), chicken thighs / wings, macarons, and just... a lot. i’m a glutton. FAVOURITE SHOWS!  ♡   steven universe, star vs. the forces of evil, original powerpuff girls, lots of old cartoon cartoons in general, gamecenter cx... aaaaa. tbh i don’t watch a whole lot of tv nowadays. FAVOURITE  MOVIE! ♡   heck if i know tbh, but i have quite a few that i liked a lot. the first four pokemon movies, deadpool and its sequel, the lego movie, the first two shreks (li STEN), wolf children, lots of ghibli movies... y’know. things. FAVOURITE  VINE!  ♡   soft and squishy, soft and squishy, shARP AND POI NTY

SEXUALITY! ♡   lesbian asf. PRONOUNS! ♡   she/her or they/them FAVOURITE  BOOK  SERIES! ♡   i dont. read much lately. oops. FAVOURITE  VIDEO  GAMES! ♡   smrpg + the first two paper marios, gens 1/2/5/7 of pokemon, a link to the past / majora’s mask / zelda ii (shh) / breath of the wild, super mario 64 / sunshine / galaxy (2) / odyssey, ghost trick, undertale / deltarune, almost every kirby game ever, literally every smash bros. game, the whole banjo-kazooie series (even nuts & bolts, fight me), grabbed by the ghoulies (FIGHT ME!!!), donkey kong country 1 + 2, terraria, okami... uh. i could be here forever tbh.

FAVOURITE  BANDS!  ♡   idk i mostly listen to vidya tunes nowadays. FAVOURITE  SUBJECT!  ♡   english literature. writing is a blessing. any art subject is up there, too, of course. GUYS   OR   GIRLS!  ♡   the layyy-deeeees. poses like a french girl. LAST  TIME  I  CRIED! ♡   yesterday over geno going through ROUGH SHIT. u will see soon enough. WHAT  I  SHOULD  BE  DOING!  ♡   actual productive things omG FAVOURITE  FANDOM! ♡   almost anything nintendo outside of smash fandom. (smash rpc is baller, though, i love u guys.)

[genmanfseele1971-blog]

For reference, I probably somewhere in the NC42 45 range (I haven gotten matched so not exactly sure where I fall). Skin is normal, and I don use eyeshadow primer. My eye looks are also on the simple side (a blended crease shade that also on the lower lash, and maybe a shimmer on the lid).. For hours, the police said, Erica gnawed through the duct tape that bound her. Then, mostly feeling her way through the darkened basement, she hopped up the basement stairs only to the find the door locked, the police said. Two boys who had been playing outside the house heard her cries and led a pair of police officers to her.. I honestly never thought I'd have clear skin again.ANYWAYS, here's what FINALLY worked (and didn't) for my oily skin, acne prone skin:Cosrx BHA Blackhead Power LiquidZymogen Houttuynia Cordata Ferment Serum (HG!!! I didn't know what a HG item was until I found this, the difference this has made in my skin and the fact that I barely get any hormonal breakouts I attribute solely to this product. It smells MEH but GOD I LOVE THIS PRODUCT.)Power 10 Formula Vitamin C Effector I use this just for my eyes in hopes that it'll help with my tear through dark circles LOL. I can't say I've seen a difference, but I'll keep at it till the bottle is done.Nature Republic Soothing Moisture Aloe Vera 92% Soothing Gel Usually my skin is well hydrated enough with the above but if it's feeling particularly dry I'll slather a bit of the gel on.Biore UV Aqua Rich Wattery Essence SPF50+ Gotta slather on that sunscreen!Amore Pacific Treatment Enzyme Peel Reaaally gentle exfoliator and despite the steep price it's lasted me FOREVER. The best thing we did was to go to El Corte Ingles and get scooters for the kids. It too hard for them to keep up with the amount of walking we did and they had a blast riding around. Have fun!!. Personally I've always found the Stayfree or Kotex brand pads to be the best pads. They have more of a natural cotton liner than the Always brand. Always seems to take on a funky plastic scent and it gets worse when sweat is added. But I end up spending the rest of the day feeling uncomfortable. I hate feeling like that, and the whole process is exhausting to the point where I just don want to do it at all. If I didn have a full time job and a partner, I probably wouldn do it for weeks.. I love techno and I love showing the incredible bangers that I just found to other people, so DJing is the perfect hobby for me. He also hinted that I could play later when more ravers are there at the next event (it is monthly), so this is my chance to get a resident DJ at a small but nice event. SO HYPED!. My first makeup item was a concealer, when I realised that doing all nighters for my architecture degree made my self esteem suffer a lot. That turned into then adding blush, lip stains and tinted lip balms, and then slowly turned into the routine I have now. I think I got a bit carried 괴산출장안마 away in the last two years, a mixture of having disposable income, freedom and associating it with better esteem. Some people say it decreases crying my 50% and increases your bond. I don't have much else to offer. But don't feel guilty, you're trying and even when you thought you were gonna break, you still made okay choices.. I had gotten Honey Bunches of Oats, my favorite cereal, and I was eating it for breakfast in my dorm. I had woken up 괴산출장안마 earlier than usual, so I had a decent amount of time before my first class. I had just finished the box and I was gonna go recycle it, but I saw there was this promotion on it that you could win 1 of 500 prize pack, containing a Nintendo Switch and Super Mario Odyssey.

[yzmas-fucking-eyelashes]

every third number in the ask :3

bless u ;w;

3. who are you looking forward to seeing?-everyone in Germany when i finally get to move

6. what kind of people are you attracted to?-mostly if you can make me laugh i’ll be attracted to you

9. does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?-nope

12. what are your 5 favorite songs right now?-hmmmmm i’ve only been listening to pop punk music for like. many weeks so i’ll list all the ones that get stuck in my head 1)grand theft autumn by fob 2)dirty laundry by all time low 3)whats my age again by blink 182 4)stupid for you by waterparks 5)fake happy by paramore

15. what good thing happened this summer?-i got to be a lifeguard which was the most fun job i’ve ever had

18. do you still talk to your first crush?-my first real crush was actually my first kiss and we used to be really close but we don’t talk anymore which is kinda a bummer but what can ya do

21. what are your bad habits?-going on this fucking site every day

24. favorite part of your daily routine?-going to bed

27. do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?-neither really? i actually had a nice tan this summer but its fading now cuz i’m in the sun much less

30. do you ever want to get married?-nope

33. spell your name with your chin-casw (close enough)

36. have you ever liked someone and never told them?-i tell people i like them when i want to get over them. but also yes

39. what are your favorite stores to shop in?-i love hot topic and i buy all my clothes from there. for example, today i was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.

42. if you’re being extremely quiet what does that mean?-i’ve got some shit rattling through my brain

45. what makes you get out of bed in the morning?-money

48. have you ever been drunk?-i’m drunk right now

51. ever wished you were someone else?-i wish i was someone with functioning serotonin

54. favorite store?-see 39

57. favorite food?-carbs

60. ever won a competition? for what?-worlds dumbest bitch

63. ever been in love?-yes

66. do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?-jokes on you i don’t have any friends (i like em about equal)

69. are you watching tv right now?-no

71. craving something? what?-dick

74. how many stuffed animals do you think you have?-too many

77. chocolate or vanilla?-chocolate

80. what color pants?-none

83. mean girls or mean girls 2?-i’m offended you’re even asking me this

86. favorite character from finding nemo?-the seagulls

89. name a person you hate?-Jeff Bezos

91. is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?-see 89

94. how many sweaters/hoodies do you have?-too many for a desert dweller

97. favorite actor?-Danny DeVito

100. how are you feeling?-i’m trying not to

103. can you spell well?-w-e-l-l 

106. ever broken someones heart?-only my own baybee

109. is something irritating you right now?-i have to pee and my cat is passed out on my lap so

112. who was the last person you cried in front of?-probably suzi

115. do you play the wii?-nintendo 4 lyfe

118. do you like Chinese food?-hell yes

121. are you mean?-who’s to say

124. do you believe in love at first sight?-i don’t believe in love

127. what makes you happy?-emptying a 120 gallon drum of lube into my kitchen and creating a diy slip ‘n slide

130. do you like subway?-sure

133. favorite lyrics right now?-give it to me baby (uh-huh uh-huh) give it to me baby (uh-huh uh-huh) give it to me baby (uh-huh uh-huh) and all the girls say i’m pretty fly (for a white guy)

136. do you sleep with your doors open or closed?-cracked a little so the cats can go in and out

139. brunette or blonde?-redhead

142. favorite month?-october

145. tea or coffee?-yes

148. what’s your favorite quote?- “There he goes. One of God’s own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind, never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.”-Hunter S. Thompson

[maryjeanstar]

Grabbed by the Ghoulies, a self-analysis:

To me initially it was a slap to the face. "WHAT?" I cried when I saw the makers of this Xbox game. "Rareware!? What the HECK is this piece of crap Grabbed by the Ghoulies!?" We kids had got a big bundle-set of xbox games from our uncle and were going through them. This was one of them.

It had become a routine; once every few christmases was the Christmas of Games, where a series of video games were given out by our parents (Santa) to fuel our latest and greatest gaming system. Many many ago we received Donkey Kong Country 2, made by Rareware for the Super Nintendo. It was the bomb. We loved it to death. We loved it and the first one so much Rareware was a household icon we came to love and cherish. Come the 64, my eldest sib bought it with Goldeneye 007, also Rareware, later supplemented by its spiritual successor Perfect Dark, also Rareware. These games were great, worth hundreds of hours of fun. They were cold, cool, well planned and done straight no-nonsense superspy first person shooter adventures. Had nothing to do with jumping on kremlings and throwing barrels, but it didn’t need to; it was James Bond. We already knew who James Bond was and how cool we thought he was. Especially after playing Goldeneye.

What we never played or saw any of was the OTHER games Rareware had been making at the time. Donkey Kong 64, Banjo Kazooie, Diddy Kong Racing, Conker's Bad Fur Day, these games all had a hub-based progression of challenges, bouncing anthropomorphic objects and quirky original characters with voice acting/grunting. They were action puzzle adventure games, and it is in this spectrum of Rareware's development and style that Grabbed by the Ghoulies comes right out of, down to the grunting, visual gags, and minigames, even collecting stuff. You run room to room completing simple challenge themes that later mix together for harder more innovative struggles against following a rule system or not and dealing with the consequences.

Anyway when Grabbed by the Ghoulies plopped into my lap, I was taken by surprise. It was not donkey kong country, and it was not a first person shooter spy game. At this point in my life I was set in my bubble. Routine and consistency were of utmost importance, and this new game did NOT live up to my Rareware Schema. Primarily because I didn't have all the pieces of Rareware's narrative. Things don't change, said little kid me. The same company would make the same quality stuff every year to come. I thought this about Pixar smh and I thought it of Nintendo as well. I was also elitist about it.

But in retrospect I see now the progress of Rareware's products and how Grabbed by the Ghoulies does in fact fit right in with Donkey Kong Country 2 Diddy's Kongquest. The Bonus Games of DKC became the Bonus Barrel in DKC2, which incorporated a rule system. Some bonus games required you to knock off all the enemies, some said Get Alla Banans, others were of the Search and Find sort. This is in GBtG except it's like, every single room you enter is a different rule, and some rooms mix two or seven rules together.

Then there's the art. OK? Runnin' around on ships and castles and roller coasters in DKC2, there's all this junk and garbage everywhere filling the space with aesthetic. All kinds of junk in the background and foreground made the game feel full, alive, popping. In later games they made that awesome junk tangible. Banjo Kazooie had whole three dimensional worlds filled with bouncing junk to collect and interact with. GBtG just jumped off of that and made it so you could break all the junk you find, and use a lot of it as weapons against skeletons, like a detached anchor, or a pool rod, or a convenient pile of hamburgers.

On top of that, this Grabbed by the Ghoulies game I so readily dismissed for being strange ended up being a whole lot of fun. The music was memorable and thematic, there were creepy parts, funny parts, and it got seriously frustratingly hard at times. I ended up actually trying to collect alla gold medals in the mini-challenges mode. This game was without a doubt a Rareware game, made with the care and originality unique to Rareware. WHY was it made? Prolly cuz Microsoft wanted to give their Xbox something to compete with the Nintendo Gamecube's Luigi Mansion. Well if that's the case they got the right company. Heck. It was a fun game. Dunno why I spent so long hating it and thinking it was garbage. My excuse for playing it was always "it's the only game that doesn't freeze." It was true though. Forza froze, Halo froze, Fusion Frenzy you betta believe it but Grabbed by the Ghoulies? Never. Not once. And never will now cuz im lazy and dont wanna ever play it if it means finding the xbox cord and unplugging something from the powerstrip behind the tv just to play gbtg i mean its dated stuff now id rather spend my time reminiscing about my personal development than listen to people making weird grunt noises to glorified title cards

[chrismcshell]

good things today

didn’t have to wake up early

managed to push myself to leave the house & spend a couple hours at the mall

got a peppermint mocha frapp from starbucks & it was so good

not-so-good things today

still feeling the effects of my ongoing existential crisis/possible depressive episode

really did not want to leave the house or do anything productive

hormonal as hell

almost cried over stuffed toys in the disney store (especially that big cuddly eeyore.... i wanted him so badly y’all)

still upset about not having money for a nintendo switch (or any other relatively new video game console) & not having much of a reason to buy one anyway because do i have time for video games? no. i am too bad at time management for that

yeah im just generally feeling sad about life but what else is new

at least i have peppermint mochas to keep me going