#I do not CARE that that’s a grown woman in a 14 year olds body

[lunafermosa]

Sketching my current little baby while I’ve got free time at work

[veronicaphoenix]

IKIGAI (or A REASON FOR BEING) — CHAPTER SEVEN

"Was that... okay?" Noah inquired, breaking the silence, swallowing hard. "I don't know," Lia replied, her voice quiet, uncertain. She couldn’t look away, and she didn’t want to move her lips too much in fear of losing the memory of how it felt to have Noah’s pressed against hers. “We should try again, then,” Noah suggested, his eyes jumping back and forth from her mouth to her eyes. Lia met his gaze deeper, her pupils wide. “Do you want to?” “I don’t mind. Do you?” “No. We can try again.”

Chapter tags: best friends, kids growing up, first kiss, promises, slight angst, fluff. | Word count: 3.2k | Cross posted on AO3. | Series masterpost. ✧.*

CHAPTER 7

Lia is 13. Noah is 14.

It was nice in the lake that day; one of the last ones that summer.

The sun hung high in the sky and the air was filled with the sweet scent of wildflowers, and the distant hum of cicadas added a peaceful soundtrack to Noah and Lia’s day. 

It was still pretty hot, but the water was so refreshing.

Lia laid in her soft blue bathing suit on her towel, which was spread on the deck. Noah was sat at the end of the wooden planks, with his legs hanging from the edge, not far from her. He had collected a pile of stones and was throwing them in the water, seeing them bouncing once, twice, before they sank to the bottom.

A while ago, when they reached the lake and they took off their clothes, Noah felt Lia’s stare on his body. He was aware of the awkward changes going on in his body, and Lia definitely couldn’t help but notice the subtle transformations in her best friend. The boy she had known for so long was transforming into a young man at a faster pace than she was turning into a young woman.

“What are you looking at?” Noah questioned, tying the laces from his swimming shorts.

Lia blushed slightly, caught off guard by his question. She moved her eyes from his hands to his eyes. She took off the hair tie she kept on her wrist and tied her long hair in a ponytail.

“You’ve grown a lot this summer.”

It was true. Hana had been mentioning it to him nearly every week, and in the last few months, Noah had grown almost three inches, and now he had to bend a little to look Lia in the eyes.

“So have you,” he replied, and his eyebrows moved as his eyes slid down to Lia’s chest.

With a furrowed brow and feigned anger, Lia hugged herself, covering her chest from Noah, who was now smirking.

“Shut up. I’m still small.”

She said that because she believed so. She had been paying attention to how the other girls in her class looked. It seemed that all the girls were growing faster than her and were taking pride on it. Lia was slightly taller than last year, but her pace seemed to be very slow. Her breasts had indeed started to… show, but she was still very petite, and short, and she had insecurities.

Noah shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t know what to say to her about that. All that he knew was that he didn’t care. If anything, he would use his bigger build to protect Lia from whatever, whoever, although in time he would learn that, despite his good intentions, Lia would have to learn to protect herself, and that she would also have to fight for privileges that he just had for simply being a man.

Ten years later, Noah would be about eleven inches taller than Lia, and when he had her in front of him, she would have to look up and he would have to tilt his head down towards her, and later on, when she wanted to kiss him, she would have to stand on her tiptoes and put her hand on the back of Noah’s neck to pull him into her mouth.

It wouldn’t matter to either of them. Lia would rejoice in the fact that Noah was so tall, and she would constantly be flooded by a strange feminine urge to be enveloped by that body that was much larger than hers. And Noah, in turn, would love to be able to wrap her up in his arms and hold her as if she were a doll.

Thirteen-year-old Lia, standing on the deck in her bathing suit under the sun, thought that her best friend would be a very handsome man one day. She was not so sure about herself.

“What if there’s something wrong with me?”

“What do you mean?” Noah asked, brows furrowed. He looked at her from over his shoulder.

“What if I’ll stay this way forever?”

“That’s not gonna happen. We’re growing,” he answered with certainty. The same way Lia had been paying attention to the changes on his body, Noah had been very well noticing the changes in Lia’s as well.

“I mean… What if there’s something wrong with my life? What if I’ll stay like this, in this place, with my mom, forever?”

“Lia, we’ve talked about that. It’s just a nightmare. Nightmares don’t come true.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Then, what do you want me to tell you?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, looking away. “I feel like… screaming.”

Noah contemplated her words for a moment before he started nodding, as if something had just crossed his mind.

“I’ll tell you something,” he announced. “It might help. Jump in the water, and when you’re deep down, scream.”

She looked at him, unconvinced.

“Do it,” he insisted, a glint appearing in his eyes. “I started doing it last year after, you know… that day.”

Yeah, that day. Lia stayed the night in Noah’s house, in his bedroom, sleeping on the pull-out bed while his grandparents traveled to the neighbor state because their daughter had been found nearly overdose on the street and was now hospitalized. Noah didn’t get to see his mom in that condition, but the sole knowledge had been enough to tip him over the edge. He had spent an entire week sad and angry, and he hadn’t known how to manage those feelings.

“Okay,” Lia ceded.

Lia walked to the edge of the deck and examined the water down below. It was still, as still as her heartbeat when she was with Noah. She took a deep breath, her chest rising, and then she leaped into the water, breaking the surface with a splash.

Noah waited outside, watching the ripples slowly fade away. The lake embraced Lia, and in that underwater world, she released a scream, a cathartic expression of the uncertainties that were haunting her.

As Lia resurfaced from the lake a few seconds later, she was overcome with an exhilarating mix of release and freedom. She felt... better. However, Noah was not paying attention to that. He wasn’t even concerned for a moment. He could only see the droplets of water cascading down Lia’s face, her skin sun-kissed and gleaming, the sunlight also dancing on her wet hair. He felt a sense of awe. The sun, a fiery ball on the horizon, painted Lia in a warm, golden glow.

"You’re beautiful," he blurted out, the words escaping before he could stop himself.

Lia, who hadn’t been expecting those words at all, froze for a second, her cheeks flushing with a mixture of surprise and embarrassment. Noah, catching a glimpse of the effect his words had on her, couldn't help but smirk, his initial boldness giving way to a nervous happy fluttering in his stomach.

From the water, Lia splashed water towards him, flustered, and in no time, she had him by her side, coming up from under the water in the same spot to where he had jumped. He was smiling from ear to ear.

If he found her beautiful, when Lia saw him coming out of the water with the hair falling on his face and sticking to his forehead, his eyelashes holding tiny drops of water, she thought she had never seen anyone so breathtaking.

The lake took care of their worries while they were there, swallowing them all in, taking them to the deepest depths.  

Hana had told Noah once that the lake knew how to listen, and it did.

The playful escapade turned into a quiet moment an hour later when they sat on the deck to get dry and eat something. Noah had eaten an apple after drying himself with a towel, and Lia had opted for just taking a sip of water from her bottle. She wasn’t hungry yet.

 The gentle lapping of the water against the wooden supports provided a soothing soundtrack to their thoughts. In that tranquil silence, Lia laid on her towel with her eyes closed and Noah sat down on the edge, playing with a bunch of stones he had picked up from the path that led to the embarkment.

The serene interlude suddenly turned into awareness when Noah peered over his shoulder to look at Lia. He knew he didn’t have much time left. He had been thinking about it the whole week, and he had to tell her, ask her now, otherwise he would lose the courage and back off.

Lia was still laying down, unaware of Noah’s internal struggle, when his sudden words made her open her eyes wide open.

“Lia, I need to kiss you.”

Startled, Lia sat up like a robot, looking at him in shock. Noah was still sat with his back towards her. He wasn’t looking at her.

“What?”

He turned his head then. He looked anguished.

“You know I’ve invited Adrienne to the school dance, and I think I’m supposed to kiss her at the end of the party, and I haven’t kissed anyone in my life.”

Lia, still processing his words, responded with a nonchalant, “Me neither,” not fully getting his point.

“That’s why I need you. You’re the only person to whom I can ask this. And besides, it’s a win-win situation. We can practice with each other.”

His attempt at rationalizing his idea didn’t work very well with Lia.

“Noah, that’s just… Weird,” she said, making a face. “I don’t know…”

“I brushed my teeth before leaving the house.”

That comment made Lia furrow her brows even more. Underneath her, the towel still was damp from her wet bathing suit.

“Is that…?”

“Can you come here?” Noah asked her, hoping to salvage the situation.

Lia, however, didn’t budge, and Noah, feeling embarrassed and regretful, turned around, facing away from her. He chastised himself internally for even suggesting it.  

“Look, okay, forget it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you this.”

When he glanced back over his shoulder again, he saw Lia grabbing her t-shirt from her bag and putting it on—an indication that she was getting ready to leave. Fuck.

“Okay,” Lia said.

“What?”

“I said okay. We can try.”

It took him a moment to process it. Relieved yet still uncertain, Noah sought confirmation before he let a wave of relief slide down his chest. “Are you sure?”

“If I don’t do it with you, I’ll probably end up doing it with some idiot from school.”

“Ok,” Noah took a deep breath. “Come here,” he motioned for her to join him on the edge of the deck.

Hesitant, Lia approached him, her hand gripping the wooden planks tightly as she sat down by his side. The atmosphere was charged with anticipation as they both waited for the next move, a shared moment that could either complicate their friendship or redefine its boundaries.

“How… should we do it?” She was first to ask.

Noah shrugged.

"I don’t think there’s any instructions. I’ll just…” He was looking at her, and his eyes fell to her lips.

Noah sensed Lia's deep breath as he leaned in slightly, a subtle anticipation hanging in the air. He looked at her once more just for confirmation. She closed her eyes, her lashes casting shadows under the summer sun, her lips a bright pink hue. Noah, mirroring her anticipation, licked his lips before closing his eyes and removing the distance.

The first kiss was a tender meeting of teenage lips—soft, shy, and innocent.

Under the warm summer sun, their lips pressed gently against each other, a fleeting yet profound moment etching itself into the fabric of their shared history. Two seconds passed, leaving Lia and Noah with a small taste of each other's skin, an indelible imprint of the first kiss.

As they separated, a shared realization dawned upon them: both had been holding their breath, and their flushed faces betrayed the intensity of the moment. Lia's eyelashes fluttered, her gaze fixed on Noah as if it was the first time she was seeing him.

"Was that... okay?" Noah inquired, breaking the silence, swallowing hard.

"I don't know," Lia replied, her voice quiet, uncertain. She couldn’t look away, and she didn’t want to move her lips too much in fear of losing the memory of how it felt to have Noah’s pressed against hers.

“We should try again, then,” Noah suggested, his eyes jumping back and forth from her mouth to her eyes.

Lia met his gaze deeper, her pupils wide. “Do you want to?”

“I don’t mind. Do you?”

“No. We can try again.”

With a shared agreement, they leaned in for a second attempt, a willingness to explore this uncharted territory together.

Noah's lips parted as Lia's eyes closed shut again. She leaned to him, tilting her chin a bit up to reach him. He pressed his mouth against Lia's upper lip, and when hers closed around his, she swore she could taste the apple he had been eating minutes prior. Noah slowly intensified the press of his lips against her, hardening the grip, and he felt Lia following to his innocent demands.

The kiss turned into two, and then into three. Slow touches, noses brushing, the beginning of an exploration of another human's anatomy, a shy journey through the pleasure of providing physical comfort beyond boundaries to someone you trust.  

When they separated one more time and pulled away, it was just to seek for that trust that they provided each other. Words weren’t needed. When they looked at each other, they understood, and silently, they leaned into each other again, more confident this time, content to keep trying, unaware of the fire growing inside of themselves, of the fact that they were two teenagers on the verge of leaving behind all innocence. When Lia felt Noah’s fingers grace the skin of her bare knee, she felt an electrifying current shoot throughout her body. They were traversing the delicate realms of intimacy for the first time with a growing assurance, oblivious to the consequences of their actions. When she was able to react, her hand found Noah's cheek, and she touched him with slow, quiet fingers as Noah's lips moved against her own in a beautiful, uncoordinated, pure dance.

They learned how to kiss that day, and they would get much better in time, as they would when it came to sex, too.

Noah didn’t kiss Adrienne in that school dance party. He fell sick a couple of days before the event, and he had to stay home for three days, drinking ginger tea, wearing warm clothes, and listening to his grandparents reminding him that swimming in the lake as October approached hadn’t perhaps been the wisest decision. As he lay in bed, he didn’t care, honestly. All he could think was one thing, and before falling asleep, all he could see was Lia all flustered as she moved a bit away from him as they decided to finish their practice lesson.

“That wasn’t so bad, no?” He asked her, licking his lips unconsciously, swallowing Lia’s taste.

“I think I liked it,” she admitted, keeping a straight face because she was worried that it would scare Noah away if she showed how much she had enjoyed it. “Are you going to kiss Adrienne like that?”

Suddenly, as she asked the question, Lia realized she didn’t want Noah to kiss Adrienne, or any other girl for that matter.

“I don’t know,” was his short answer. His eyes darted away from her for a while.

There was silence for a while. Lia turned to fully face the lake again, and extended her legs as much as she could until the water touched her toes. She trailed her toes through the ripples, played for a while, letting the feelings traveling through her veins and to her heart sink deep inside of her.

Time felt suspended in time, as it did many times when they were together. She wasn’t aware that there was no turning back now. Maybe there had never been since the moment Noah and her had locked eyes that morning years ago in the street.

“We shouldn’t do it again,” she concluded, the words hanging in the air like a delicate thing. The movement of her legs swinging and gracing the lake’s surface stopped.

“No, we shouldn’t,” Noah agreed, his voice carrying an understanding that hid his reluctance.

There was a whisper in the air that was gracing Lia and Noah’s skin. A whisper that said that the simplicity they once knew would turn into a complex dance of emotions from now on.

Neither of them wanted it.  

“Promise nothing will change?” When she finally dared to look back at him, she had that worried look on her face that Noah had been trying to erase ever since he met her. Her words trembled a bit. “And that we will never fall in love with each other? Because if we do, I don’t think it will go well. Look at our mothers. What if I become like them, and you become like our fathers? What if you disappear?”

Noah didn’t think that he would disappear, and he didn’t think that Lia would be like Eve or Cristina, but at the same time, her words injected a note of caution into his brain. He couldn’t think much about how an adult’s life was. If he pictured the image of him and Lia together, he could only see them as they were now, maybe in his room playing music, writing songs, or in the garden, taking her of Hana’s flowers and him listening to Lia telling him all the curiosities she knew about the different flowers she had planted.

“You have a point,” he admitted. Their future would be full of promises and perils, and that, neither of them could deny it.

“Should we make a blood pact or…?”

“I don’t think that’s necessary,” he replied with a judging look. He understood Lia’s concerns. Of course he did, for he shared the same ones. But a blood pact? “What if we drop it in the water and there are piranhas?”

“There are no piranhas in this lake, Noah.”

“Alright. No blood pact then, anyway,” he said, a small smile playing on his lips.

“But seriously,” she insisted. “Promise that we won’t ever change, that we will always be best friends, that things won’t get complicated between us.”

Noah nodded. “I promise. We’ll keep things simple, just like now.”

They sat there for a while, the sun casting a warm glow over the lake. The tranquility of the moment enveloped them, and Lia couldn't help but feel a sense of contentment. It was a delicate balance, this newfound connection, and both she and Noah hoped they could maintain it.

As they continued to talk, Noah shared more about his dreams of music, about his plans. Lia listened intently,sharing her ideas, her excitement growing at the prospect of better things awaiting for them in the near future.

The conversation shifted to lighter topics, and they found themselves laughing and leaving behind the initial awkwardness after the kiss.

Lia returned to her towel after a while, wanting to soak in the sun a bit more. When a few minutes passed, Noah took another glance at her, and when he saw her smiling, lost in her thoughts, he couldn’t contain his smile either. His devotion for her wasn’t bound by blood, but it was a force that fueled his resolve to be a constant in her life.

[theladyofbloodshed]

I'm just so weirded out and disgusted by Sarah's need to sexualize every male. Not just in the books, but notice how everytime someone asks her about the women, she talks about their journey and more but when she's asked about the males, the first thing that comes to her mind is what they're like in bed. I don't even want to get started on the wet comment that she made about 17 year old Mal infront of the author that went through SA and grooming.

Like, yeah you can create males that are hot but there is no need to constantly remind us how hot they are and what they can do in bed. Their personalities center around their big dicks and big egos (-> Cassian, Rhys, Azriel, Lorcan, Rowan, Tharion etc.). She managed to create characters that have more to offer than just their looks and dicks (Lucien, Chaol, Dorian, Aedion), yet they aren't praised or talked a lot by Sjm anyway. Sometimes I have this urge to vomit whenever she sexualizes them.

She may not do it to a lot of female characters but omg, how disgusted I was in CC, reading about how everyone wants Bryce and I remember that disgusting quote that Tharion made in the second book when talking to Ithan (something like "everyone wants her" or "everyone wants to f*ck her" I can't remember clearly) and it just made me want to burn that book. Or the constant sexualizing that Nesta falls victim to:

What was the point of Cassian noticing Nesta's big boobs and calling them "inviting" when Nesta was unhealthly skinny? What was the point to sexualize a 14 year old Nesta "seducing" a grown man by dancing with him? What was the point of Lanthys wet vision that he showed Nesta? Did she even had time to process what happened to her at the bog or was it all so hot for her that she needed to find release with Cassian shortly after? Why did she not care about Nesta's comfortability and her modesty and made her wear a very revealing dress?

I can't bring myself to read acosf because that is by far the worst book that includes the worst smut scenes ever. Every smut scene made me want to throw up.

I also hate the fact that she even included a threesome in the first place. Is this women incapable of thinking about other stuff that don't include sex? Is she incapable to think about male characters without thinking of how good they are in bed?

I feel the same anon. She comes across as a stereotypical sex-crazed teenage boy especially with the Mal comment about him being so hot!

If her male characters weren't hot then lots of them would be treated very different by the fandom (looking especially at Cassian, Rowan, and Rhys). She does know that being hot does not equal being a good person, right?

I love Dorian but it's very telling that when he learns to shapeshift into a woman, his first thoughts are about boobs getting in the way and thinking he knew how to please a woman, but he might have to masturbate and find out - even though he's about infiltrate Morath. Sex on the brain.

Here's part of an interview with her - literally all quotes taken from the SAME interview:

No, I like the prince. He’s so hot with his torn clothes and ripped body! When I was a kid I was like, “He is not that hot, gross,” but now that I’m older I’m like, “He is smoking.” I think that’s why when I wrote ACoTaR I wanted to have the physical romance, so I wanted him to be able to shapeshift. […] There’s not nearly enough romance in Beauty and the Beast, just one kiss at the end. I need a whole movie with the dancing and the tension and the making out! [Talking about the prince from Beauty and the Beast which she surely knows is a kids movie, right?]

 I think I must have been on a Phantom of the Opera kick at the time, so I was like, “Masks are really hot and mysterious.” [Why Tamlin/Lucien wore masks]

 Maybe a cool eyepatch? Which is another thing I find weirdly hot. If I had an eyepatch I would have mine totally bedazzled. It would be super awesome. Who[m] else would I like to see? Rhys would be something. I think I would be like slightly terrified! I love Rhys’s shapeshift. I think he’s my favorite. Lucien would be the easiest, though, with the fox and the eye and the red hair… now I’m daydreaming! [Talking about Lucien cosplay]

When I discovered Rhys’s form, it was one of my favorite scenes… mostly because he is just lounging on a bed. Oh my God, I will die if someone draws that. I don’t think I’ve seen any Rhys fan art yet. Oh my God, please, I will just combust [laughs]. [Talking about her favourite]

[mos-twin-mattress]

TW: For CSA (That's the ONLY warning i'm giving bc my life should NOT have to be trigger warned)

Somedays I'm so… struck by the fact that EVERYONE hates Black people… It really hurts to stop and think ab that…

As a Black woman I have been rejected by almost everyone, friends, family, strangers on the street, potential partners.

I am never given the benefit of the doubt, I am bad mouthed, etc. No one feels the need to extend me grace or explantions.

I have been told MANY times TO MY FACE, "I would date you if you weren't black."

Why is it that EVERY race says "Stay away from those Black girls (boys, etc) they're trouble!" Orrrrr saying "Now don't you bring home no Black girl (boy, etc)"

No one wants to mix with us half the time, unless its in a fetishic, dehumanizing way…

I guess that's why I cant let myself fully trust my current partner… I still kind of in the back of my mind ask myself "So what's his angle? What's his play? What does he want from me???"

In a sense, we as Black americans face our own set of apartheid + genocide… The only thing is that everyone wants to pretend its NOT happening… Bc we're in the Imperial Core, so of course we have "safety" but is it really safety I'm experiencing when every time I see a cop car my nervous systems go haywire and reek havoc on my body. The way when I notice a white/non-black person staring at me a little /too/ hard, I almost shutdown + cry… The way that whenever I hear people yelling in public I automatically assume i am in DANGER? Is that really safety? The way my family called me "fast" and "hot tailed" when a fully grown man groomed and raped me mutiple times… The way no charges were EVER pressed against that man, the man that raped a 14 year old girl… he gets to live a free life, while I am in CONSTANT fear of sex + intimacy…

I wake up many nights in a panic, bc i dreamt of bullets ripping through my body…

But yea, I guess I am "safe" bc I don't fear constant bombings. But I DO live in fear that one day POLICE will BUST DOWN MY DOOR AND RIDDLE ME WITH BULLETS.

I am SCARED that some Karen or Kenneth will decide that I'm a "danger" and call the police on me.

No one wants to face the facts that more Black WOMEN and GIRLS are killed by the police… NO ONE cares ab Black Women and Girls, often not even our own family….

I HATE this feeling of contstant fear…

[beyonceisstraight]

I used to always think I had a normal good childhood and that I’m just mentally ill because of crossed wires. Then I got older, got my pcos diagnosis and for years have been dealing with feeling constantly disgusted and repelled by my mother without being sure why that was. I cannot even stand to accidentally brush against this woman. After being on medication and lifestyle changes that help remove the overload that my mental health presents I actually have the room so to speak, to realise I have trauma. But what always puzzled me was that I do not have traumatic events to recall. Well now I know my mother was emotionally neglectful and abusive, and a narcissist. Even materially neglectful at times.

So for me that means just being absolutely neglected in the abstract hard to track ways. Like my mother never guiding me about my period, buying me menstrual products, or giving me money for it. From age 11 I’ve been buying that stuff out of whatever I have on me. It was something I realised last night and I actually was recalling it in the context of like, if an 11 year old girl can handle it a grown man buying pads for someone can. But then, being 28 and having 2 nieces my intuition kicked in. Cause the adult I am now, would buy everything and teach any young menstruating person in my care everything they need to know about their body. For me this is just the caring thing to do.

I was so sure I had a normal if not good childhood but when I was 14 I remember thinking that there’s no point in ever telling anyone when I’m sick just take the meds and lay in bed. And when its over you feel fine again. Being taken care of by my partner still feels alien to me. 

Sometimes we get to be damaged goods through being told how much we cost.

[cordycepsfem]

I'm not preaching, which is what you seem to be doing with your appeals to emotion. I told you there are sources out there to find and they're all perfectly accessible. Khelif, like all people with DSDs, is not related to trans issues at all, so I don't really see much point in continuing with that avenue of conversation. It seems to mean a lot to you, so please by all means go find the sources that you're demanding I find for you.

If people didn't have it out for trans gals, why is the worry about getting estrogen an issue? Why is getting puberty blockers an issue?

"Trans gals." Yuck. You sound like a 45-year-old autogynephile.

Maybe there's a worry about getting estrogen because people tend to catastrophize. Or because men (and women) don't actually need to take cross-sex hormones, because it's not proven to help gender dysphoria or accompanying mental health conditions.

Maybe getting prostate cancer drugs - aka "puberty blockers" - is an issue because children should not have their puberty blocked, lest they end up with osteoporosis, emotional and mental stunting, and under-grown sex organs, an inability to ever orgasm, and further mental health issues not cured by the magical drugs shilled by gender clinics.

But that might just be me.

Gender doesn't mean ANYTHING in the purely literal sense.

Great, so why are you trans?

It's some idiotic concept someone came up with eons ago. But then why should you care how people identify within that social construct?

I see my thoughts about selfish and uncaring people taking away spaces and rights from women and girls made 0 impact on you. Unsurprising.

Gender is not something "someone came up with." It is a societal structure that has always benefited male individuals and left female individuals oppressed. Because of gender, women are thought to be weaker, dumber, less deserving of education, unable to own property or have their own money, get jobs, or even in some places, unable to be around males without wearing full-body coverings.

I don't care how people "identify," because I know that "identify" means "isn't." If you have to tell me you "identify" as a woman, okay, great. What are you identifying with? Which woman are you identifying with? Women are adult female humans, and while we're all different, the one thing we all have in common is being female. So what exactly is there to "identify" with?

You're right. Gender was (possibly, I haven't done enough research to verify) created to keep women down. That's despicable.

Yes, you're very definitely 14.

And now gender is "despicable" - great, so why are you trans? Seems weird to want to play directly into the hands of a social construct that oppresses women and was literally just described as you by "despicable."

And if you stand with us, you can help make sure that someday, gender means nothing more political or oppressive than a name, or a haircut. Or you can stand against us, and reinforce the idea that gender is the measure of someone's worth. Someone born a girl, in the truest sense, isn't any less of a person than a boy and doesn't have any less potential. So then why should someone born a boy not be able to stand with her sisters and try and make the world a better place, one voice at a time? Birth conditions isn't what makes a person. It's what comes after.

Radical feminists believe that gender is immaterial, because biological sex is how women are oppressed. Women can have any haircut or any name - being female is how "gender" oppresses. I don't believe gender has any worth. I don't believe in it.

Someone born a girl "in the truest sense" doesn't have any less potential than a boy, but around the world that girl is more likely to be aborted before she's born, left to die once she's born, have her genitals mutilated, married off to an adult male, never learn to read, die in childbirth, have to avoid males while she menstruates, face rape and domestic violence, and have her rights voted away by males. So no, it's not anyone's "gender" that determines their potential - it is oppression on the axis of sex.

Birth is literally what makes a person. I know you thought you killed it with that line, but you literally need to be born to be a person.

So Miss @cordycepsfem, please stand with your fellow sisters, cis AND trans, and help us make the world a more livable place for an woman. I believe in you.

Males aren't my sisters. You want to go all out for trans rights - have a ball. Fix everything for trans people. It's noble and you'll definitely have my support.

But it's not women's job to make the world more palatable for males of any kind. Feminism is not the "all rights matter" movement. It is for women and girls, and it will be the means by which the world is made safer for them.

"Trans women are actually women for real, not in a metaphorical sense, not in a "anyone can be anything" sense, but genuinely actually make more taxonomic sense to classify in the category of women than any other group" is a position you'll find is pretty radical even in queer spaces

[ohhcalamxty]

hello. its been a while? 5 years actually. what a place this is! what a trip down memory lane of many emotions.

a quick tldr: im 25 now, im engaged and live with my amazing partner and 2 cats. i am ed free (for the most part - i still struggle to love my body sometimes), clean, and i am in therapy! a place i never would have thought id be.

i didnt think id come back here like. ever. but ive been having nightmares of sam recently. its odd isnt it, how the brain works? i havent seen sam in 7 years? since the 2nd june 2018 to be exact, and yet he haunts me. why?

this is an odd correlation but recently i got into taylor swift. her music has been wonderfully cathartic and whilst i never assumed id be one of those girls who screams breakup songs and curses them at my exes....here we are.

TTPD (and most of taylors sad songs) unhealed me, so to speak, or at least awoke something in me. i wouldn't ever proclaim i have had bad relationships. i am always grateful for the time myself and owen spent together, and i am extremely happy with josh (I'd say 2/4 of my relationships being good is pretty huge) but here I am screaming and crying over break up songs at the eras tour and tearing up in the shower because they resonate with a point in my life and put my feelings into words in a way I've never been able to do.

elliot was interesting but i try not to curse his name so much as we were 14 and maybe he didn't mean what he did because he didn't understand consent, or maybe i am naive and too nice - i guess we'll never know because he quite literally dropped off the face of the earth! (Also, minor shoutout for him delaying dumping me because my grandma died! i do appreciate that at least!)

sam however....oh where do I begin with sam!

"Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?"

I think I spent a lot of my teen years reflecting on sam, because well, he fucked me up so much. i mean how emotionally spent must I be to have nightmares of someone who I spent less than 12 months with at the age of 16, and then collided with again for a single night at the age of 19. Clearly we're fucked here.

I cannot find the words to describe you, and I'm unsure what i did to deserve a love like this. You had a girlfriend that you loved and were with for years, and then I (your close friend at the time) got dumped, and you make your move. We hang out a lot, cool, fine, nothing new as we were friends anyway. My mind is hazy on how it started or when we went from friends to whatever we were but it haunts me so much lmao.

The constant talks of i was the one, and that yes I will leave her for you. I fear nobody ever talks about being the other woman because its so odd - it isnt a flex, it isnt cool or sexy. it fucking sucks and it fucked me up but i liked sam so much i believed it. I mean picture this: you're 16, just lost your grandma, heavily depressed, self harming, riddled with an ed and have been dumped but low and behold your best friend tells you he loves you and plays with your hair and holds you. we go on dates and have sleepovers with friends (he still had a gf btw) hes fucked up too but he worries and cares about you more than anyone else, but at the cost of if you try to pull away he hurts himself, and threatens suicide (and believe me he'd do it) - stuck between a rock and a hard place aye.

"And the God's honest truth is that the pain was heaven And now that I'm grown, I'm scared of ghosts - Memories feel like weapons"

Less than a year of back and forth, misery and stringing along. I can't remember how or why it ended but I know it took a lot of attempts of pulling away (and him pulling me back) to get away. A lot of bits are hazy but I can assume it must have been around the time when I met owen? There are old screenshots on here of sam talking to me and they make me feel unwell (not an exaggeration) - his words (even after it all ended) and how he tried to act like he cared makes me feel like a pit inside (even now). I do however find it funny that my posts from 2015 and 2016 about him claiming hes ruined my life don't seem that dramatic now that im 25 and having nightmares about him.

"Oh, God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be The tomb won't close, stained glass windows in my mind - I regret you all the time"

I think I would have been ok if this was it. I don't think I would be grieving my past self, my girlhood, my naivety if this was all - i very much had support through my other relationships to help the sam trauma which i do appreciate. But it doesnt end here does it? Nah thats too easy.

"Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden"

2nd June 2018: Me and Josh had briefly split up. It was Karlies birthday and we went out in HTC (dire) and I guess because Hinckley is a tiny place and everyone goes to the same places we ran into a lot of people (some good some bad) - including Sam.

Ima be honest idk where he came from or who he was out with but there he was, buying me drinks, talking to me, I dont remember much but I can assume I was happy. I do however remember him leading me away, telling me we're heading to the next bar because that's where everyone else was going but we actually were heading in the complete opposite direction haha. god knows where we were going but on the walk we sat on a bench, i cried, i told him off, told him he ruined my life, he told me he'd missed me so much, he held me, i cried more, i hated him and then we just rinsed and repeated as he pootled me up castle street to wherever he was taking me. My friend rang me, I told them I was with sam, people came running (guess they all know hes bad news) and they (including josh, who was my ex at the time and ig technically hated me) beefed him until he left and that was that. I haven't seen him since - i still dont know where he was taking me or what his plan was. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I didnt answer the phone, sometimes I wish I hadn't and that maybe I deserved whatever would happen. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, being dramatic, but the trauma of the emotions that 16 year old me feels is still there. It haunts me.

"Don't call me "kid", Don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me"

So here we are. I guess I'm bringing this up at therapy in a few weeks because these feelings won't disappear (and Honestly I'm not sure why they reappeared other than being repressed emotions). I wonder though, has this affected you as much as it as me? Do you feel bad about what you did? Are you suffering? Do you think about me? Do you feel bad that you had such control over me or did you enjoy it? Claiming you've lost sleep over me and that you want to protect and help me? Was any of it true I wonder.

"And did the twin flame bruise paint you blue? Just between us, did the love affair maim you too?"

I suppose I'll never know, but I can only hope that memories of me haunt you as much as they haunt me. I hope you get everything you deserve, and I hope I can heal. My skin is no longer the skin you touched, I no longer physically feel you, and I hope one day my memories of you will be hazy and faded, and I don't need to jump at ghosts anymore.

And my therapist wonders why I really dislike men huh.

[marzipanandminutiae]

I haven’t seen the new Interview yet, but I have to wonder if the pathos of Claudia’s situation will land the same when she’s played by a 19-year-old

I’ve seen GIFs, and while the actress is doing a great job of “reading” much younger- although isn’t the character like 14 in this version? -I also have a hard time believing she couldn’t pass as a very young adult with the right outfit/attitude/performative indignation at being assumed a child

(also like. it’s 1920-something. unfortunately for non-actually-adult-vampire teenagers, there were plenty of people willing to believe very young-looking teen girls when they lied about their age to perform onstage, get married, etc. or willing to treat even a girl they knew was 14 as an adult, despite her not actually being one. and still more unfortunately, I imagine that would only be compounded for a Black girl)

in the novel and earlier movie, Claudia was prepubescent. five years old in the book. she wasn’t just A Rather Babyfaced Teenager. she was, eventually, an adult woman trapped in an unmistakable CHILD’S body

I’m not upset that they changed it- let’s face it, delving more into the sexual side of the series than than the 90s movie could not be done with an actual child actress. but I’m not sure they should have kept in the Nobody Will Ever Believe She’s An Adult angst if they were going to go that route

is it presented as less a “nobody believes her” thing and more a “she’s personally frustrated with the fact that she’ll never have the body that should be hers by now” thing? is this a kinder, gentler version of the 1920s where everybody actually cared about making sure that youthful “adult woman” at the bar really was grown up? 

people who’ve seen it, thoughts?

[killjoyfem]

I think there is no better testament to society’s hatred for women than Bianca Devin’s still existing Instagram page, and the comments it still gets daily over a year after her death.

❗️severe tw for the content ahead ❗️

Bianca Devins was murdered on July 14, 2019, by Brandon Andrew Clark, who is currently serving a sentence of 25 years to life. His motive for the crime is one we have witnessed way too much as women: Brandon couldn’t take no for an answer. Bianca had recently rejected his requests for a committed relationship and made herself available to a different man.

I’d like to note here that during the time of her death, Bianca was underage, only 17 years-old, and this man was a grown adult who’d been involved with her ever since she was much younger. He met her as a child and attacked her while she was still one.

After taking her life, Brandon posted pictures of her nearly decapitated body on Discord, Instagram and 4chan. He then tried, and failed, to kill himself. Those pictures have since been passed around and shared all over the Internet.

This is only a brief summary of the story, as there is plenty more. Still, I advise against any of you googling about this and risking stumbling across pictures or her body, since they’re still widely available all throughout the internet and super, super easy to come across. Do not underestimate this warning. Here’s a few articles and videos if you’re interested, all from safe sources: x, x, x, x, x, x

Plenty of controversy and rumors surround her death, but I don’t care for any of them. I won’t list them all here, but it’s baffling how willing the Internet was, and still is, to blame this child for her own murder. For example there’s plenty of talk about her selling her own nudes online - which are essentially child pornography, and the men who bought it are pedophiles, but no one seems to bring that part up. People will say she led Brandon on and toyed with him, and honestly, who cares if she did? He should’ve moved on and acted like the adult man he was supposed to be, instead of growing increasingly obsessed with this young girl.

It’s clear this was a femicide and that it’s mysogyny, plain and simple, that surrounds this case. He killed Bianca because she wouldn’t be in a committed relationship with him. Like so many men had done before him, like so many men have done ever since, he decided he was entitled to take her life because of being rejected. He was jealous, and he was angry, and he deserves no sympathy.

And there’s still others like him out there.

These are only a few examples of what can be expected if you go on any of her remaining social media. This hate has started from the day she died and still goes on to this day, every single day. It’s absolutely vile, and if any of you have ever wondered just how much men can hate women, if any of you have ever wondered why they kill, assault, harass us - these comments should tell you something. This isn’t limited to Instagram either, since Bianca’s death has been talked about all over 4chan as well, and you can only imagine the kind of thing that is said about it there.

I am posting this not only to show women the realities of mysoginistic hatred and violence, but because I feel like Instagram should at least disable the comments on her still existing profiles. I think every girl and woman should be aware of this kind of thing. The men who make comments like this don’t deserve their anonymity, but instead exposure. Her family is present online, they see this. Her sister is literally still on Instagram. And I don’t know what can be done to help it, or if any of them are able to disable the comments themselves. So, here we are. I am sad and disgusted at the things I have read. Make no mistake, this is only a small sample of what is out there.

I’d like to end this post with a statement Bianca Devin’s family has put out about her passing. This case has been with me ever since it happened and I think she deserved so much more, just like every other young girl who has been taken from us because of rotten individuals like Brandon. Rest in peace, Bianca. This world has failed you tremendously.

“Bianca, age 17, was a talented artist, a loving sister, daughter, and cousin, and a wonderful young girl, taken from us all too soon. She is now looking down at us, as she joins her cat, Belle, in heaven. Bianca’s smile brightened our lives. She will always be remembered as our Princess.”

[andreafmn]

Collision - Chapter 1

Word Count: 3,434

Characters: Female Reader Uley Character, Sam Uley, Allison Uley, Charlie Swan, Bella Swan, Seth Clearwater, Billy Black, Jacob Black, Emily Young, Paul Lahote, Harry and Sue Clearwater, Leah Clearwater

Story Description: (Y/N) Uley is back home after being away for four years. Her life at it’s first standstill and she is taking this time to find out who she is without school. But she never thought that coming back to the reservation would turn her whole life around. In the midst of secrets and mystery, a man crashes into (Y/N)’s and her life will never be the same. 

*DISCLAIMER* I do not own in any way Twilight, all credits of the pre-established characters, script, and storyline belong to Stephanie Meyer and Summit Entertainment. The only thing I own is Uley Reader insert, any upcoming characters, and her storyline, as well as her effects in the others’ story line.

Chapter: 1/?

A/N: There’s no Cullen’s in the first chapter, we’ll see them soon though. Also, Esme is in the story but her and Carlisle are not together romantically. If you enjoy my writing I’ll also be posting them in AO3 and Wattpad along with other stories (I also hope to start taking requests if ya’ll want) Hope you enjoy and all constructive criticism is encouraged.

Next->

Chapter 1

Going back home felt bizarre for (Y/N). It had been 4 years since she had moved away from the La Push Reservation on a scholarship to a prep boarding school in Seattle. Although students were expected to go back home during summer break, she spent her time in summer taking college classes or attending internships in the area, so going back didn’t fit into her plans.

But she had just graduated from high school and decided that taking a gap year could not hurt. Seeing her family wouldn’t be that bad either.

(Y/N) Uley had not reunited physically with Sam and Allison Uley since she left for school, only calling occasionally but always being to busy for anything else. The mother and son duo had grown accustomed to the short phone calls and vague emails they would receive from their studious family member. The Uley siblings used to be a very close pair, being only a year apart helped their bond. But since (Y/N) had invested all her energy into her high school career, their relationship rapidly dissipated; replaced by untold secrets and life-changing details.

The Uley girl had no idea what was in store when she went back home. She had left when she was 14 and was coming back an 18-year-old with a high school diploma and a bachelor’s degree. (Y/N) had always been an over achiever and applying to the school she had and taking dual enrollment was no surprise to her mother and brother.

The bus ride from Seattle to La Push lasted almost eight hours, so (Y/N) equipped herself with two books, plenty of snacks, and a fully charged iPod to handle the ride. She had gotten the earliest ride available always enjoying the intriguing mystery that 3 am travels brought. Her brown eyes surveyed the curious characters that voyaged alongside her a young woman sat with a sleeping baby in her arms, the dark circles under her eyes signaled the baby was still a newborn getting adapted to a sleep schedule; there was a middle-aged man, his eyes attached to a computer and a briefcase tight to his side; there were two teenagers, backpacks at their feet and shared headphones in between them. They were wearing light blue polo shirt and her school insignia embroidered on the left side of their shirt. She had seen them in passing, two freshmen still energetic and excited for their school life. She looked at them and smiled, remembering being in their shoes four years ago.

Four hours in, (Y/N) had finished one book, and the bus made its first stop in Port Angeles, the place where everyone that traveled with her got off. It wasn’t surprising to see from the top of her book as everyone got off, she didn’t recognize any of them from the reservation so it would have been surprising if any of them had stayed in the bus. For the next four hours, (Y/N) continued to read her second book surrounded by a comforting silence. The sun had risen about an hour ago and a nice warmth was streaming from the bus window and (Y/N) felt herself drift in bliss.

Her eyes fluttered open once again when she felt the bus finally rolling to a stop. She blinked a few times as she adjusted her vision to the bright midday sun and her brain restarted normal functions. The brunette gathered the bag with her travel companions and got up from the chair she had been glued to for eight hours.

“Have a good day,” the driver chimed as (Y/N) was walking down the bus.

“You too, drive safe!” The girl smiled and got her two suitcases out of the side of the bus.

(Y/N) got startled as she felt two arms wrap around her midriff and quickly swung her elbow back.

“Woah, woah, careful with those arms, (Y/N). It’s just me,” the girl turned around, a gleaming grin adorning her face.

“Sam!” She jumped onto the open arms of her older brother, seeing the years that had passed on his tired face.

“Look at you, darling. All grown up,” Allison Uley smiled, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“Mom, I’ve missed you.” (Y/N) hugged her mother tightly, noticing the difference in heights of her and her mother. Another thing she noticed was the strain between her mother and her brother. Before she left, they all had a very close relationship but now it felt like so many things had interlaced into their bond. “Let’s go home yeah?”

“I’m, actually I gotta go to my house,” Sam scratched the back of his neck.

“What house?” (Y/N) chuckled.

“I moved out, but I’ll come over for your welcome dinner.”

“Sam, she just came back. Don’t you wanna spend time with your sister?” Allison begged, wanting to have both of her children under the same roof again.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t, mom. Leave it.” Sam sighed. “I’ll see you at dinner, (Y/N).”

He kissed the top of his sister’s head and left. He wanted to tell them the whole truth, but he knew he couldn’t. Knowing that information would put them in a level of danger that he didn’t want them to be aware of.

(Y/N) stared at the retreating figure of his brother as he ran down the street, leaving her and their mother.

“What’s up with him?”

“Oh darling, if only I knew.” Allison sighed grabbing one of the suitcases her daughter had brought. “Let’s just head to the house so you can rest.”

“Yeah, let’s.” (Y/N) gave Allison a comforting smile and wheeled the second suitcase towards the truck.

The drive home was as short as she remembered, and the house hadn’t changed a bit. She walked up the steps to the porch and opened the old wooden door; it still made the same creaking sound. The house still smelled of seawater and pine, an odd mix but a comforting scent. (Y/N) regretted all the summers she missed here and all the days she spent away from her family.

She made her way up the stairs and entered the first door to the right. She ran her fingers through the stickers she had pasted on there when she was 13: a wolf, a rainbow, a heart, and a picture of her family. Her name still carved at the highest point of the door and she smiled at the memory of that. She sat atop Sam’s shoulder when she was just 12 years old, a trembling hand holding a pick as she carved as best as she could the name “(Y/N)”.

The doorknob as it was turned let out a squeaky groan and the door needed an extra push to open. The room had not changed at all. The walls were still painted a light green, the light switch still had the pink princess cover, the bedding had the little purple butterflies embroidered on them, and the pillows were all pink and purple. In a corner rested the five boxes (Y/N) had sent to the house from her dorm room.

“It hasn’t changed a bit,” (Y/N) commented as she felt her mother’s presence behind her.

“I didn’t want to change it until you came back,” Allison smiled. “But I’m sure you’d like to give this place a bit of a makeover.”

“Definitely,” she laughed. “I think I’ll go to Port Angeles this weekend, doing some shopping can’t hurt.”

“That’s true.” Allison side hugged her daughter as she laughed. She headed towards the door but stopped when she was called upon by her daughter.

“Hey, mom?”

“Yes, darling?”

“By any chance, do you know where Sam’s living?” Allison’s body stiffened but shared the information with her daughter. Maybe she could figure out why he’d just disappeared.

(Y/N) was surprised to hear he was living with a girl she barely knew. She knew of Emily Young through Leah Clearwater, but not much after that. Last thing she had heard Leah and Sam had been dating. She certainly had missed some very important pivotal points in her brother’s life.

The house wasn’t far, so she decided to walk there. Upon arrival she could feel the warm and inviting aura that the quaint house emanated. The blue door called to her as she knocked on it. It finally opened and revealed her brother.

“(Y/N), what’re you doing here?”

“I’m here to see my big brother. Is that such a crime?” She laughed.

“No, of course. Come in,” he smiled begrudgingly. “I don’t have much time so we gotta make this quick.”

“Wow, feeling the love there,” she chuckled passing through the doorframe.

“There’s just some things that I have to do before dinner tonight.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I just wanted to ask if you could help me on the weekend with my room. I’m bringing it four years into the present, gotta make sure it looks like an 18-year-old sleeps there.”

“Yeah, I’ll come over Sunday afternoon and help you then. Anything else you need?”

“Well, not exactly, but it wouldn’t help to catch up. You know make up for four years of chit chat conversations and get me up to date with at the happenings in your life.”

“There’s not much to say other than I moved out and I’m engaged.” He said nonchalantly.

“Excuse me?! You’re engaged and failed to mention that to me?”

“It’s not that big of a deal, (Y/N).”

“Yes, it is, Sam! You’re getting married and this is the first I’m ever hearing of this or the fact that you moved out or the fact that you’re engaged to your ex-girlfriend’s cousin. I think it is a big deal.”

“Okay, yeah. Kind of a long story on that one.”

“Enough time to tell it to me?” Sam hesitated. He could hear Emily’s truck approaching and two male voices coming back from patrol. He needed to get (Y/N) out of the house before they got here.

“Maybe another time. I’ll call you on Sunday, yeah?” Sam asked as he nudged his sister out of his house.

“I guess.” (Y/N) mumbled as she was pushed out the front door. “Bye.”

“See ya.” Sam kissed the side of her head and closed the door.

(Y/N) left the house with more questions about her brother that she had begun with but didn’t want to press on. There was no use if he wasn’t going to talk, so she walked back home.

Her mother had gone out, possibly grocery shopping for tonight’s dinner, giving (Y/N) time to catch up on some much-needed sleep. She walked up the stairs and into her room, plopping down on the bed not caring how she landed. All she wanted was to close her eyes and rest.

By six in the afternoon her eyes fluttered open once again. She could smell the dinner her mother had been cooking. The room had darkened as the sun was going down and thankfully her mother had turned on a lamp for (Y/N) to have some vision. The girl got up from bed and grabbed some clothes from her suitcase to take a quick shower before dinner. She stripped all her clothes off and let the water wash away all the hours of the day. As soon as the water started turning cold, she shut it off and got out.

For a second, (Y/N) stopped and stared at herself in the mirror above the sink. She barely recognized the girl staring back. The bags under her eyes were deeper than the last time she had seen herself in this specific mirror, her cheekbones were more defined than before, her skin paler than usual since she hadn’t really seen the sun in a while.

It didn’t take her long to change into some new clothes and head downstairs, where she saw her mother on the phone. Disappointment evident in her eyes.

“Sam, it’s your sister… please… ok, fine. Just don’t flake on her on Sunday,” Allison sighed, turning off her phone and slamming it on the counter.

“Everything okay, mom?”

“Oh, yeah, darling. Your brother won’t be able to join us, but Billy and Jacob, and the Clearwaters are on their way, and I also invited Charlie and Bella Swan. I hope you don’t mind that they join in.”

“No, I don’t mind. What about Paul?”

“You know I’ve never liked that boy, honey.” (Y/N) stared at her mother. Refusing to continue the conversation until Allison answered the question. “I did invite him, but he couldn’t come.”

“I love seeing you make an effort,” (Y/N) laughed and kissed her mother on the cheek. “I’ll set the table.”

“Thank you, darling.”

(Y/N) grabbed the 10 plates needed for the night and the respective cutlery. She still remembered how her mother liked the table arranged and set it as such. She set the vase filled with fresh flowers in the middle of the table, leaving space on the sides for the dinner platters. The arrival of the guests was soon after. (Y/N) had grown alongside Jacob and Leah, and on the summers, she would spend her times with the Swan girl. Once Seth was born, he became very close with the Uley girl.

“My oh my, (Y/N), how you’ve grown.” Billy Black grabbed Uley’s hand and smiled up at her, with the warmness that summer brought.

“Indeed, I have, and you haven’t aged a day in four years. What’s your secret?”

“It’s in the genes,” he laughed alongside the young girl. She’d always been a charmer, he thought “You remember my boy, Jacob, right?”

“How could I ever forget? Hey, Jake!”

“How you’ve been, (Y/N)?” Jacob approached his friend and wrapped her in a hug. “Been an awful long time.”

“Four years, that’s not much,” she smiled. “Come in.”

The father and son duo entered the house, and next came the Clearwaters. Harry, Sue, and Seth. No Leah. They had always been close to the Uleys, a bit of divide coming after the rupture between the eldest offspring of each family.

“Oh, wow, where has the time gone?” Sue commented, greeting the girl with a tight hug.

“4 years really do go by quick, don’t they?”

“They sure do, Harry.” (Y/N) smiled, motioning the couple in.

Finally, Seth walked in and engulfed (Y/N) in a tight hug. The girl was 5 years his elder, but he considered her one of his best friends. Seth and Paul were the only two people (Y/N) kept in close contact other than her family. For some time, Paul and (Y/N) had drifted apart but Seth always sent his monthly excited letters, updating her on what he had been up to.

“I missed you, (Y/N)!” Little Seth spoke into a bundle of brunette hair.

“I missed you too, Seth.” She smiled as he walked past her, joining his parents.

The last to enter were Sheriff Swan and Bella. The cop smiled at the girl and gave her a quick hug, commenting on how much she had grown, a low chuckle leaving his throat. Bella entered with hunched shoulders, possibly not wanting to be there but she still smiled at her old friend. Vague memories filled the girls’ heads of summer play dates and days at the beach.

“It’s been quite some time, huh?” Bella muttered.

“It sure has. It’s great to see you again,” (Y/N) smiled. “How have you liked Forks now that you’re back full time. Still hating cold weather?”

“Yeah,” the pale girl chuckled. “But it has its better days.”

The girls joined in a quick giggled before joining the rest of the group at the dinner table. Allison had already set the table and had said her hellos to the group.

The three males had engaged in sports conversations and the teens were all huddled in the kitchen munching on cheese and crackers and engaging in small chit chat.

“So, (Y/N), 18 and already a degree, how does that feel?” Jacob asked, stuffing his mouth with cheese and ham.

“Well, as good as it can be. Don’t know exactly what I’m gonna do now. All I know is that I’m taking a year off and taking a breather for the first time.” (Y/N) chuckled.

“I just can’t believe you’d spend all this time going to school, twice as much. I don’t like school at all,” Seth chimed in, picking apart the cheese and filling his mouth.

“So, you spent these past four years studying, including your summers?” Bella added.

“That’s correct,” (Y/N) smiled. “And now I have a degree and nothing to do with it.”

The group chuckled and moved towards the adults as they were being called to dinner. In the center of the table was a big platter of spaghetti and meatballs, (Y/N)’s favorite food, a tray of toasted garlic bread, and a bowl of a colorful mix of spring salad.

(Y/N) always enjoyed her mother’s cooking. Even on her saddest days, Allison’s cooking could warm her heart at any time. She and her mother had a very close relationship, even after four years of distance. Since her father left early in her life, her mother had always tried her hardest to make sure both her children were loved and cared for. And she stayed wondering where she had gone wrong with Sam and hoping (Y/N) didn’t stray away as her eldest had.

The dinner group had all taken their seats at the dinner table and were passing around the various platters, serving themselves their desired portions. Jacob and Seth were overfilling their plates, receiving a laugh from their respective parents. Charlie, Harry, and Billy were filling their plates with more protein than carbohydrates and the moms at the table smiled at the males engulfing the meatballs. (Y/N) looked around the table and smiled. It had been a long time since she had sat down with the important people in her life and was relaxed, even if two of them were missing.

After everyone was served, everything went almost quiet. Some background music could be heard from the living room and the sound of forks hitting plates and mouths chewing filled the environment. Everyone was comfortable with the silence, but there was still one question in everyone’s mind.

“Where’s Sam?” Seth spoke up, voicing everyone’s question. The whole table paused in action and Seth felt like a deer caught in the headlights. Sue softly elbowed her son. “What?”

“It’s okay, Sue,” (Y/N) smiled. “He couldn’t be here, bud.”

“Maybe he was feeling bad, like Leah.” He added earning a burning stare from both his parents.

“Maybe, Seth.”

“I just wanna apologize for our daughter missing this dinner. I know she really wanted to see you, (Y/N).”

“Oh, Harry, it’s really no problem. I’m sure I’ll catch up with her soon enough.” (Y/N) smiled trying to ease the tension felt in the room. She could see her mother gripping her fork tightly as she kept her head down. “But I would also like to apologize on behalf of Sam, I know he wanted to be here.”

Everyone simply nodded and went back to their plates. The rest of the evening was enjoyable. No one mentioned the pair that was missing, and (Y/N)’s past four years were questioned in depth. She had an answer for everything except “What are you gonna do now?”

She didn’t know and that’s what she answered. She mentioned she wanted to study medicine, having finished a degree in biology and always loved taking care of other people. Sue was excited, being a nurse herself. But (Y/N) had landed at a standstill in terms of her life and career. A vast portion of her life had been defined as a student and now that this part was over, she didn’t know who she was.  

The dinner festivities were over soon thereafter, leaving Allison and (Y/N) to clean up after the group. The Uley pair put everything away in silence, exhausted from the eventful day. (Y/N) could see as her mother wiped away a few stray tears, sniffling behind her hair. The girl knew better than to bring the topic back up and left her mother with a kiss on the temple and a good night.

Upstairs, (Y/N) prepared herself for bed. The event had drained nay energy still left in her and she plopped down on the bed with a small thud. She had prepared her clothes for the next day, knowing her energy would also be drained but still excited to have this change. Her eyes fluttered close as she heard in the distance her mother’s quiet footsteps on the staircase, darkness overtaking her.

Next->

A/N: if you wish to be tagged for the next parts, please let me know. I’d be happy to. <3

[voidnoidoid]

My (very late) 3AM thoughts on the final episode of Ousama Ranking (pt 1)

I had decently high hopes for episode 23, I really did. And it (mostly) delivered! Except for one part.

To get the part I didn't like out of the way... you guys probably know what I'm talking about... I'm unhappy about the way Miranjo's redemption was carried out. Daida just goes "I know you've committed a lot of crime, heinous crime. Literal war crimes. Like straight up ordering the murder of Queen Sheena, my brother's mother, for the sake of your selfish goals. And I accept your crimes, because you suffered a lot too." Daida, bless his 12-year old heart, forgave Miranjo for her many misdeeds because of all the pain and suffering she had gone through... by choosing to MARRY her.

Whaaaaat???

There are multiple reasons why this is really weird. First of all, their previous relationship dynamic as well as their age gap. Daida is around the age of 11-14, and Miranjo is a full grown woman, possibly in her mid twenties to thirties. While Miranjo existed as the magic mirror, it was clearly established that she took on the role of a mentor, or perhaps even a maternal figure. She offered advice and counsel to Daida, and thus manipulated him into doing what she wanted according to her plan to use his body as a vessel for Bosse. She was a mentor revealed to be a manipulative traitor. Afterwards, when Daida was trapped in the unfeeling void prison of his father's mind scape, Miranjo's heart, represented by a version of herself when she was a very young child, shows herself to Daida. Daida then proceeds to care for and comfort the young Miranjo much like an older brother. There's a bit of a role reversal here. The cared for became the carer, the guided became the guide. I can somewhat understand Daida when he said to Miranjo, "You were my light in the darkness" because she influenced almost all his actions as Prince, and kept him company and prevented him from going insane in the void. However that line comes off as needlessly dramatic and is over exaggerating Miranjo's role in keeping Daida sane.

Then suddenly, their relationship is framed in a romantic context. Daida goes "im gonna marry miranjo yeah" and even princess carries her and comforts her like... DUDE she manipulated you and hurt you and everyone you love and MADE YOU DRINK YOUR DEAD DAD. How the hell did he come to the conclusion that marrying the one who singlehandedly threw his entire kingdom into chaos was the right choice??? And the worst part? All the adults in the show are okay with this. Yes, they are surprised but in the end... The big 4 are fine with it if Daida's okay. Despa gives some random speech I dont remember but is ultimately fine with the choice. Bojji is surprisingly okay with this?? And finally, Queen Hiling, who had the most violent objection to this, accepts it too. At least her reaction made the most sense. Miranjo just knelt there and cried or whatever. She's grateful yes, but she's totally ok with marrying a kid? She's not gonna like... refuse? yeah ok makes SenSE

This brings me to my second point, Miranjo is/was a shitty person who hurt many people including Daida himself. I'm not gonna list all the bad things she's done because if you're reading this, you've either finished the whole anime or making the silly choice of spoiling yourself. For the entire show, Miranjo has been built up as the big bad main antagonist. To the manga and anime's credit, they've done a great job humanising her and showing off the more sympathetic side of her character. Nevertheless it does not excuse the atrocities she committed for the sake of her selfish love for Bosse. I went from hating her completely to feeling sorry for her and liking her a little more. But does this mean that because Miranjo went through many horrible things in her childhood, that it should excuse the bad things she's done? HELL NO. The story tries to touch on this point, it acknowledges that Miranjo has done Bad Stuff, and even throws in a consequence to her actions. As payback for everything she's done, Miranjo gets the well deserved fate of having her soul ripped apart, consumed, barfed out and fixed only to have the cycle repeat for ALL ETERNITY in a blazing hell within the demon she betrayed. Not gonna lie that scene was INTENSE. And I felt bad for her, but you reap what you sow.

My main issue here, is that there is no lasting consequence for Miranjo's crimes. She is locked in that hellscape for like 15 minutes before being saved by Bojji and Daida, who straight up STOLE Despa's wish to save Ouken. Asshole move but okay. And the moment she's out everyone just forgives her at the drop of a hat and she gets her happily ever after. But to be fair she does agree to atone for the horrible things she's done and work towards making the kingdom happy instead of focusing on what she wants.

Now for my third and final point, it all feels like bad writing. The author is a great writer, but sometimes the best of us make mistakes. Sosuke Toka wanted a happy fairy tale ending for the main characters, and there's nothing wrong with that at all! I myself love happy endings. But the way he went about writing it was just wrong. He wrote a good end point but the journey there felt rushed and hamfisted in so that he could get his happy ending regardless of how nonsensical it would seem in the story. In the first place, Daida shouldn't have and probably logically would not have proposed to Miranjo that easily. He does not harbour romantic feelings to her at all, and frankly the romantic undertones of the last episode and the one before that felt wildly inappropriate in my opinion. What he still would have done is save her from her cruel fate at the hands of the demon.

I envision a scene that would go like this: After Miranjo is saved, instead of the proposal and "light in my darkness" shit, Daida goes: "Miranjo. You have hurt me, my family and put my entire country in danger. You have committed countless atrocities in the name of love for my father, the late King Bosse. But despite everything, I think you should have a second chance. Nobody deserves to go through such immense suffering. Now don't misunderstand me, I haven't forgiven you. Not yet. I want you to use this opportunity to right the wrongs you have committed, and maybe... you can find your own happiness. For yourself, and no one else." Honestly if anyone were to forgive Miranjo so early on it would probably be Bojji? That kid has too big of a heart for his own good. Daida would probably come around to it some time after his brother. The adults (excluding apeas lol) would take way longer and some may not ever forgive Miranjo at all. But hey, I prefer this ending rather than the proposal one.

Even if the proposal did happen, I would expect the adults to freak out more and object crazy hard. like "Your majesty king daida I know you are the king but YOU CANT MARRY HER WHAT IN THE FUCK MAN". Daida would not react well to that lol. How I personally would rewrite the story from here is that Hiling would come in and talk to both daida and miranjo, how she does not approve of them marrying each other, and give a similar speech like I wrote for daida earlier. Then, I would give Miranjo agency to make the choice whether to accept the proposal or not. In the anime and manga, Miranjo never really said a concrete yes or no, she just cried. But judging by her final statement it was probably a "yes". Obviously in this case I would write her to say "No." Miranjo would say something like "King Daida, I am most grateful but I do not want to marry you. I am deeply indebted to you your Highness, but please understand, I do not see you that way. I am much too old for you, it would not be right. Thank you so much for giving me a second chance. I promise you that I will devote my life to atoning for my sins, and bring happiness to the kingdom." Hiling and the others would be more accepting of this outcome imo.

Then BOOM. happy fairytale ending woohooooo. Same end, different journey, no weirdness. I don't have a problem with forgiving Miranjo, it's just that it should come later and in a more natural way.

pt 2 is gonna be about what I liked about the ending!

[itsmymeaningoflife]

Wanna hear your bullshit hehe

Hehe you asked for it. I’m gonna drop bullshit from the first half of s3 here:

- They really chose a 12 yo boy over grown women to raid the house wtf

- Carl’s crush on Beth is fucking adorable

- “While the others wash their panties let’s go hunt” Daryl darling you need to scrub your ass too

- Rick might have been a bit of a control freak in this era but at least he’s putting himself on the line over the others

- Carol almost shooting Rick bit being totally unbothered by it is hilarious

- Noticed that Daryl always keeps his distance but is always following Carol

- BACK RUB SCENE. Daryl providing physical contact and low-key also surprising himself with it is so adorable. The flirting, the innuendos *chef kiss*

- Daryl and Carol have a healthier relationship than Rick and Lori at this point. And they DEFFO sleep next to each other around the fire every night they were in the road

- The prisoners were wasted tbf. I wish they kept Oscar around as part of the main group for a few seasons. He could’ve shown the audience that not all people in prison are evil.

- Daryls obsession with not sleeping in a cage is deffo routed in trauma. He probs got locked in places as a kid

- Beths unflinching optimism / naive outlook is so pure and I love her. Damn 14 year old me for hating her

- “Not for one second do I think you have malice in your heart” YES LORI IF THAT DOESNT SUM UP RICK GRIMES IDDK WHAT DOES

- Twd really said “wow maybe we need more POC in our cast” and while they had the right sentiment they probably shouldn’t have made them all prisoners either :///

- Also Daryl taking the lead with the prisoners and being the main one to talk to them / reason with them despite Rick being a police officer is great. Give me a fic where Daryl is a youth worker

- Beth putting Carl in his place when he goes off at Lori is strong woman supporting strong woman energy

- Loris death scene makes me sob. Maggie is a real trooper in this scene too.

- Omg Daryl when he finds Carols bloody scarf and think she’s dead after they see T dogs body. He’s heartbroken that he thinks he’s lost one of his only genuine friends.

- Rick finding out Lori is dead is heartbreaking but I’ve seen too many memes of that scene to not laugh.

- Rick goes insane and Daryl immediately steps up. “Nope we’re not losing another one. Not her.” Organising a run. Pulling Beth aside to tell her to watch over Carl. We really see his leadership jump out real early.

- If Maggie wasn’t in a relationship with Glenn from the get go people would’ve shipped her with both Rick and Daryl

- Daryl seeing the “sofie” hand hurts. He really thought he was going to be the one to bring Sophia back. He believed she was alive

- DARYL WITH BABY JUDITh calling her ass kicker and sweetheart… bro my heart can’t take it. Also interesting when Carl suggests names he chooses Sofia and Carol first and the camera is focused on Daryls face.

- Daryl visiting carols grave at sunset and gently placing a Cherokee rose down and tenderly touching the cross is enough to make a grown man cry. He is deffo confused with what his feelings are and why he’s so upset that she’s gone here

- Daryl telling Carl how he was allowed to play out with other neighbourhood kids when Merle was gone and they chased a fire engine on their bikes and it ended up going to his house and his mom was dead / burnt down. Heart breaking. Trauma bonding over dead moms

- Give Daryl a child 2020 (jokes in s10 HES a chaotic sigle dad of 3)

- Daryl finding Carol knife HURTS. His voice is so wobbly and he’s so angry and he keeps the knife and he sits stabbing at the floor working himslef up to put her down. THEN HE FINDS HER ALIVE AND HOLDS HER CHIN AND CARRIED HER BACK HES A HERO

- Michonne and Rick locking eyes murderouly through the fences like damn what a way to kick start a romance

- Carl was the first to help Michonne my heart. And the way Rick hauls her over his shoulder with ease BRO… then he pours water over her boobs? Not sure why but hey I don’t question true love

- Daryl is so dramatic “hey Rick, come in here” “everything alright??” “You’re gonna want to see this” *leads everyone to carol*. He couldn’t just tell them he found her alive. I love his dramatic ass

- RICK AND CAROLS FRIENDSHIP IS everything. Also I’ll forever be salty about how we never got more of carols reaction to loris death

- Daryl calling Carol a POOR THING when he explains to everyone. Sir you are tender

- Michonne calling Maggie “the pretty girl” then one breath later calls the govener “pretty boy” is massive bi wife energy

- Rick and Daryl threatening Michonne like they won’t be tripping over themselves to lay down their life for her come season 9

- I fucking hate Merle so much. But he can’t comprehend that the group will be there to save them. He just doesn’t understand how to care for other people

- Daryl and Oscar could’ve been great friends

- Rick leaving 12 year old Carl in charge of the prison A* parenting

- Milton is the token chaotic gay scientist of twd change my mind

- The governor can rot in hell for what he did to Maggie I hate him

- Daryl sees a dead dog and makes a lassie joke? I’m sorry but this man is so funny

- Maggie said “men always have been and always will be trash”

- Axel being sleazy around Beth after Beth tells him she’s 17 and Carol immediately swooping in to protect her is PEAK MOMMA BEAR ENERGY.

- Okay but their heist to get glenn and Maggie back was elite

- The conflict on Daryls face when he realises Merle is around and his deperate voice when he’s asking Rick if he can go find him hurts my HEART

- RICK TELLING DARYL “I need you. Are you with me?” And Daryls soft “yeah” voice THAT IS THE MOMENT DARYL REALISED HE WAS APPRECIATED.

- OSCAR DESERVED BETTER. RIP KING

- Carl and beths friendship is underrated.

- Gov really thinks penny is still in there huh

- Everyone referring to Carl as “the man” is hilarious but also so concerning

- I forget how on odds Rick and Michonne were at the beginning. The original enemies to lovers

[kutputli]

Episode 4 -

These are really such well written episodes. So much happening and such an arc that when I'm at the end I have forgotten the beginning.

But first sustained interaction between my dazzlingly beautiful darling and my grumpy darling. What a rude white American man he is, standing around gawking while Rashid is praying. And interuppting. I suppose with hindsight you could say that it is Daniel's repressed (violated) memories driving him to being so confrontational. But also, its the specific entitlement of a white American journalist. Not every journalist can get away with these methods, or be rewarded for them.

As 'Rashid' demonstrates with his performative little Oriental serene inscrutability act. He learned that sort of placid servitude when he was human. 'Jo hukum, sarkar'. While being an intrusive asshole who has taken control of Daniel's medical procedure. Control through carework, ahahaha well there's a foreshadowing of a them, Arun.

Also that snide little mention of the interior designer who got the notion that Louis missed 'the natural world'. I'm very curious about what made him pick Dubai as the cage for Louis. He would have been so much happier in a less artificial city.

Claudia!!! She's so much fun, yeah? I was always a bit confused in the gifs, because I don't think I realised there was an actress change for a long time. Why did they do that?

Also, I went and googled and Bailey was 19 at the time. That's another thing that confused me, I was never certain of what age Claudia was meant to be. I know the horror in the books was supposed to be a grown woman trapped in a little girl's body. But I have to say that Bailey does not look like the prepubescent 14 year old she describes herself as in her diary. This is one of those things where the exigencies of needing to cast actors who can deliver the performance affects the verisimilitude of the embodied character.

I feel so bad for both siblings at the funeral. And you can tell that Lestat is out there gloating in a see I told you its a rite of passage to be repudiated by your family way. And that is just such fucking bullshit. There could absolutely have been a way for Louis to not have become estranged from them, and if Lestat had actually cared about his well-being, he could have helped him do it. I feel so bad about it because even for Grace, who was able to take steamer tickets and money from him before because there was a relationship, to have to turn into this hostile person demanding ownership of the house must have been devastating.

So whoever said Rashid wasn't praying in Arabic was wrong, he's saying Allah-hu-Akbar and its only Daniel Mollow speculating that the phrase Asr Namozi isn't Arabic that gave that rumour. It's an Uzbekh way of referencing the prayer, but that doesn't necessarily mean he converted to Islam there. He could even be doing it because he's method acting the actual Rashid. (I myself code-switch between Ramzaan and Ramadan depending on who I'm speaking with.)

Also fuck off with your 'not a native' surprise Daniel. Assad looks completely South Asian. He's a canny enough journalist to bury his notes in his accounts folder, but he still thinks like a white American. It's realistic enough. It just annoys the fuck out of me.

Also I was pedant enough to google when ball-point pens were invented because I found it highly unrealistic that Claudia could journal lying on her back in the coffin. Yeah, that was a historical liberty they took, tsk tsk.

(OK, I can feel my brain shutting down. I'll come back to edit this post with the rest of this episode reaction tomorrow.)

I have been bullied, outright bullied, I say, into finally watching Interview with the Vampire. Apparently Delhi boy Arun is the way to persuade me over my gore squick.

So three years late and several hours after the train has passed - my episode by episode live-blog. (These will probably be shallow reactions because I know all the meaty meta and analysis has already been written. I remember reading it back when I was an innocent parasocial of your gifsets.) Also, I am coming into this with a series of biases; I've been completely spoiled by way of seeing gifs, reading meta and going through the book summaries. This is also not my genre; I don't enjoy gothic or horror, I was never into the vampire mystique, and I learned vampire lore via Buffy and Angel fandoms back when. So I am predisposed to watch this for the specific angle of how to intersect with my friends' interest in the characters. Disclaimers out of the way...

Season 1 Episode 1 - Mmmm, I see what people say about the art direction. This is a very very beautiful show. Very deliberately staged historicity, very artfully selected colour palattes and design. I imagine watching it on a big TV would be rewarding (I'm on a laptop.) But actually, more than the quality of the design, I think what I am enjoying is the quality of the actors. Because I have been forewarned, I realise all the cast is serious scenery chewing theatre rats. But the energy they bring to their scene work is palpable even through the screen.

Louis for instance, is oddly not beautiful. I can think of several other actors who would look far more physically arresting. To be frank, I don't see what Lestat saw in him, that moment did not have an impact on me. But what Louis is, because of Jacob, is intensely watchable. He brings such commitment to the character that my admiration for the actor translates into sympathy for the character. And of course, the Theatre Voice. Absolutely A+ choice to choose Shakespeare trained actors to deliver what I imagine must be quotes from Anne Rice's original florid prose?

It's a dangerous risk to use that sort of of heightened textual narration, which can work on a page, to sit against the visuals we are already seeing. I remember how Good Omens season 1 did so much quoting from the book to disasterously flat effect. But it works here, and that is, I think, because Jacob delivers the lines with so much integrity to bringing us back to the Dubai penthouse as we watch the New Orleans scenes.

I really enjoyed Daniel Molloy, who I remember finding rather delightful in the gifs even before we all knew his importance and where he was headed. I love grumpy irascible characters and he's lovely at being surly and sardonic. And physically deteriorating and mundane and ordinary, which makes him such a good foil to -

my precious little murderboy Armand! I really do want to watch things unspoiled, so I carry some regret about going into this so very equipped with hindsight. But I did giggle as the very first vampiric contact we see is a cup of tea being placed by Unnamed Brown Guy hand in front of Daniel. That's the love of your life, dude! Give or take a few divorces and deaths. I was watching Assad very closely to see what choices he was making - if there were any clues to pick up on. He was pretty stoic during the hand burning.

But that silent service thing going on - that's definitely something that packs more of a punch if you imagine him learning that from childhood as a human. I've got all kinds of headcanons going on for him, which I've been discussing with @quark4561 and I think his backstory can be a heartbreaking foil to Louis's, in terms of service, and sex work, and segregation.

Speaking of race, I know much of the fandom adores Lestat, but I thought the great thing about casting Sam Reid, is that he isn't the kind of drop dead gorgeous version that Tom Cruise might have been (never seen the film) and so he comes across right from the very beginning as ordinary except for the priviledge of his power. We know already that his power is vampirism, but because of the casting choices, it also becomes the power of whiteness. Lestat isn't some idealised homosexual awakening for Louis, or at least, that wasn't the way I read it. Lestat uses money, whiteness, physical force and vampirical power to get to Louis, and that sets their relationship on a dark, abusive path from the get-go.

In contrast to this was Louis's relationship to Lily. I loved her and the gentleness of their bond. The needless cruelty of Lestat killing her (thankfully offstage, I do not need to see Black women murdered any more), hammers in that this is a person who is selfish and cruel (beyond the ordinary carnivorous murders that one expects of the vampiric genre).

I'm not sure I understood why Louis's brother killed himself. Were we supposed to believe Lestat fucked with his mind? Were the voices he heard a sign of suicidal delusions?

But seeing both of them hoofing together - and I am so glad we didn't see Lestat lurking about then, it was a Black wedding and needed to be closed to the community - was so moving. It made me feel Louis' love for Paul more than his monologue narration. I'm not Black or USAmerican, but I did feel that the Black experience of these characters was respected and integrated into the storytelling choices, from writing to casting to design to cinematography, in a way that really worked for me.

I'm looking forward to spending time with Louis and his assistant, and the grumpy old fart interviewing them.

[thegreatestofheck]

Only One [S. Snape]

part two of “The Other Her” 

warnings - mentions of death, angst mostly pairings - severus snape x reader synopsis - You return to Hogwarts years later to watch your son’s Quidditch match, only to find yourself a little bit in over your head.  a/n - So, this really didn’t end up the way I expected it. But, I had one (1) person ask for this, so I delivered. Thank you to @palegoopbearlight for being so encouraging. It really inspired me to work hard and produce something good, so I hope this is sufficient! It’s long lol. Also, not a song fic so I hope that isn’t too big of a deal? 

***

You never expected to find yourself back at Hogwarts after you graduated. But, there you were, standing in the courtyard and staring up at the large doors that would lead you back into the place of memories. They weighed in your shoulders like pounds of brick and you couldn’t shake them off.

A red haired girl ran past you and you found yourself almost calling out Lily’s name before you stopped yourself. Her name rested on the tip of your tongue like poison. 14 years ago, Lily Evans and James Potter were murdered by Voldemort, leaving their son behind. You heart still ached thinking about it. He was here, the boy that Lily loved so deeply. Part of you wanted to see him, just to see her one last time. Another part hoped you could avoid him completely so you wouldn’t feel the guilt of hating her for so long.

“Mama!” A boy cried out from beside you. Putting off your memories to greet your son, you turned to him with a smile. Perfectly painted lips pulled into a grin, you ran to meet him.

“I’m so glad you came,” he said, burying his face in your robes. You pulled back and ruffled his hair with your hand.

“I wouldn’t miss your first Quidditch match for the world,” you told him, making him grin wider. “Your father would be so proud.”

His smile wavered but he straightened his back and lifted his chin to show you that he would make the both of you proud today.

“I have to go,” he said. Already dressed in his blue and bronze quidditch gear, you could see the excitement in his eyes. “Catch you out there?”

“Of course, love.”

You watched him run away, not thinking you could possibly be any prouder.

“y/n,” an woman’s voice said near you. You turned to find Minerva McGonagall standing there. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“You as well, Professor.” You stepped forward to embrace her with a smile.

“It’s been too long. Are you hear for the game?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“There is no need for such formalities,” McGonagall said with a simple wave of her hand. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet. I’ve only just arrived.”

“Come. I’ll get you some food from the kitchens.”

You tried to protest, but if your seven years at Hogwarts had taught you anything, it was that McGonagall was not one argue with.

“Your son is exceptional at Transfiguration,” McGonagall told you as you walked beside her. “And Flitwick often boasts about him.”

You tried to cover a smile.

“He takes after his father.”

McGonagall fell silent.

“y/n, I wanted to say-“

You turned the corner and found yourself face first in the dark cloaks of a man.

“Pardon!” You said, stepping back before seeing who it was.

“Severus,” McGonagall said, her lips flattening into a thin line. Your heart sky rocketed into your chest at the sight of your old friend. It took him a few moments to recognize you. It was true that you had grown up a lot since graduating and you had seen him very little so you weren’t surprised.

“y/n.” His voice was deeper than you remembered, more monotone. There used to be a certain way he said your name that gave you butterflies. His eyes widened at the sight of you and you felt yourself smile.

“Sev,” you said, the old nickname coming to you so easily.

“What are you doing here?” His eyes narrowed again as he donned the mask that you could tell he worked so hard to build. All the confidence you had gained in the 13 years since you graduated evaporated and you found yourself back in the body of the timid student who wanted nothing more than to make her feel friends happy.

“I’m here to see my son play his first Quidditch match,” you said, feeling that blossom of pride burst again in your chest. Severus looked taken aback by your mention of your son, though you were unsure why. He talked about his “Professor Snape” (which was still a struggle for you to get used to) all the time in his letters.

“It’s against Slytherin today,” he drawled. You nodded your head, the air around you turning stale.

“I hear you’re the head of Slytherin house.”

“Yes.”

“I never saw that one coming when we were kids.”

Severus stiffened at the mention of your childhood, even though you had hoped that it would make him relax. He screwed his mouth shut and there was an awkward moment of silence.

“We’ll see you at the game, Severus,” McGonagall said, trying to move you forward.

“Yes,” was all he said in response.

“It was, uh, good to see you,” you told him and he nodded his head once. With a flourish of his cloak, he walked on.

“You two were close once,” McGonagall said.

“Once,” you replied simply.

“Whatever happened?” It was strange, this almost friendly relationship that had developed between you and your former teacher. Part of you felt like there was something she was hiding up her sleeve. Still, you had been aching to talk about it for years. Long buried emotions came to the forefront of your mind and your mouth started speaking before you could stop yourself. 

“It’s...it’s a long story.”

***

You remembered the fight that Sev and Lily had in your fifth year. You remembered hearing that cruel word cross his lips, spat like venom in her direction as she tried to defend him. It played like one of those moving pictures in your mind as you lay in bed that night. 

Everything was about to change once again. 

There had been some semblance of normalcy after you told Sev you loved him and you reveled in it. But after what he said to Lily, you knew there was no hope for going back. 

And you were right. 

Lily wouldn’t even look at him. No one else would either. Whispers followed to two of you wherever you went. Rumors started to spread, no doubt started by the self proclaimed “Marauders”. The more time you spent with Sev, the more you were at the center of these rumors. 

What little popularity you had before was gone and soon Sev was the only person who would even look in your direction. 

But then he left you too. 

He started to pull away, slowly and then all at once. Where you would once spend meals with him, he was now sitting with his own new friends, a certain group of Slytherins who were well known for their love of the Dark Arts and bullying others. 

It hurt you to the core to watch Sev make new friends that weren’t you. He smiled less, laughed less, and you couldn’t help but wander why he would be happier with them than with you. Then you didn’t even care about his love romantically, you only just missed the warmth of his friendship. 

As he drifted away, you found yourself alone. At one point, you tried to wave at Lily in the halls but her friends hurried away. Still, you couldn’t help but think that you saw a small smile creep up her lips. 

Then you met him. The boy who would steal your heart and refuse to give it back. His name was Cygnus Halcyon.

It was strange, how you and became friends. He found you in a corner of a hidden corridor one day, trying desperately to keep your crying to a minimum. He talked to you, quietly trying to reassure you that everything would be okay, even if he couldn’t really understand what was wrong through your incoherent sobs. 

And from that day on, he was your friend. You were suspicious of him at first, wondering why he even cared to talk to you in the first place. But he was persistent. No matter how hard you tried to push him away, he kept coming back. Even when he ditched the others to come sit with you at meals, part of you hoped that Sev would see and get so unbearably jealous like you had been of him and Lily that he would come over, but he never did. 

Eventually, you stopped thinking about Severus and started to actually see Cygnus sitting there in front of you. 

You weren’t entirely sure how it happened, but you found yourself in love with him one day. It wasn’t anything big or uncomfortable or dramatic. One day, you just felt it, out of the blue and completely comfortable. You kept it to yourself. You had been in this position before and you refused to let history repeat itself. 

He kissed you first, one day just sitting out by the Black Lake. 

“Why did you do that?” You asked him, eyes wide with shock. He laughed, but not in a mean way. 

“You know I love you, right?” 

You didn’t actually know that. You hadn’t even considered it a possibility. 

“I...I didn’t think...you can’t-” 

And then he kissed you again, just so that you would be sure that he was telling you the truth. 

It wasn’t until after graduation that you found out you were pregnant. You knew it was his, of course, there was no one else. 

You had your son at 18, too young, your parents said. But neither you or Cygnus cared as you stared down at the face of the baby boy the two of you loved so deeply. 

***

“He died not shortly after that,” you said, scowling to yourself ever so slightly as you watched a few of the students chase each other through the halls right past you and McGonagall. 

“I heard about Mister Halcyon’s death. I am sorry for your loss,” she said and you turned to look at her with the best smile you could muster. “Ah! It looks like we’ve finally arrived at the kitchens.” 

“Wonderful,” you said with a wider smile. “I’m starved.” 

***

Your cheers of joy could have been heard from the castle as the golden snitch was caught and Ravenclaw won the game. Allyn, who served as one of the chasers, turned to look at you with the widest grin on his face that you had ever seen. If you could snatch him right out of the air and envelope him in the biggest hug, you would have. Unfortunately, he had to go meet with his team first. 

“Your son is good,” McGonagall said from beside you with a smile. “Wish he was in Gryffindor.” 

“Oh, please, from what I’ve heard, your team is going rather well with Harry Potter as the Seeker.” 

You could have sworn you saw the tips of her cheeks tint pink. 

“It is true, he is exceptional. I am afraid, however, with the new Inquisitor, he may very well get himself kicked off of the team before we even get to play our first game.” 

Of course, you had heard all about Dolores Umbridge from Allyn, who sent you a letter almost as soon as the opening feast had begun. You sighed at the mention of her name. 

“I was actually wondering if you wouldn’t mind coming back to the school to take up a teaching position for a while,” McGonagall said as everyone in the stands started to rise. You were taken aback, but not totally surprised. McGonagall had been spending an awful amount of time talking to you today, especially for a teacher you had barely interacted with during school. 

“What do you mean?” 

“Well, it’s not a teaching position exactly. Madam Pince has been having some troubles in the library keeping everything under control. You spent so much of your time in the library during your time here I was hoping-” 

“I’ll do it,” you said quickly, starting to smile. “I’ll take the position.” 

McGonagall gave a wiry smile. 

“Thank you. How soon can you move in?” 

***

“Mama!” 

You raced forward as Allyn ran out from the Quidditch tent. Even at 14, he didn’t seem to care that the others were watching him run into the arms of his mama. Some of them snickered as she brought him into a tight hug. 

“Did you see all the goals I made?” He asked excitedly. You nodded your head as quickly as you could. 

“Of course! You were killer out there, little man.” 

“Do you think Dad was watching?” His grin was unsurpassable. You nodded your head as your throat ran dry. 

“Yes, of course he was,” you told him, trying to keep your voice from breaking. You leaned down just enough to look Allyn in the eyes. “And you is so proud of you. Almost as proud as I am.” 

Allyn hugged you one more time, his squeeze a little more firm than before. 

“Hey, Halcyon!” One of the players from the tent called. “You coming?” 

“Yeah, hold on!” Allyn turned back to you with the widest grin. “Everyone’s going out to eat at Hogsmeade.” 

“Go, have fun. I’ll be here when you get back.” 

Allyn tilted his head to the side. 

“What do you mean?” 

“McGonagall has asked me to take up a position working here,” you told your son with a sly smile. The grin on his face grew even wider, if that was possible. “You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me.” 

***

You somehow managed to stay out of Severus’ path long for the first few weeks while working at Hogwarts. You fell into the same pattern and rhythm that you had in your last two years of school, practically hiding from him so you wouldn’t have to look him in the eyes. It seemed like nothing had changed. 

You were surprised to find him in the library one day. Your first instinct was to hide behind one of the bookshelves. 

“Are you hiding from Professor Snape?” A student next to you asked. You turned quickly to find yourself staring down at Neville Longbottom. “I used to be afraid of him too.” 

You wanted to tell the fifteen year old boy that you weren’t afraid of Professor Snape, that you just had no desire to talk to him at that given time. Instead, you swallowed your pride and looked back over at your old friend. 

“How did you overcome it, Mister Longbottom?” You asked him. He looked up at you and almost smiled.

“I’ve spent too much of my life being afraid. I’m trying to make my parents proud.” 

You smiled and a warmth blossomed in your chest. 

“I’m sure they are very proud of you, Mister Longbottom.” There was a glassiness to his eyes as he glanced back down at his Herbology textbook. “And if it means anything at all, I’m very proud of you, too.” 

He smiled up at you then. 

“It means a great deal. Thank you.” 

Walking back to your chambers that night, you knew that you couldn’t avoid Severus any longer. He was your coworker now, your fellow employee. You weren’t sure that Dumbledore would take all too kindly to two members of his staff refusing to communicate. 

You sought him out the next morning, bristling with courage. You saw a lot of yourself in Neville. If he could overcome his fears, then so could you. 

“y/n,” Severus said when you walked into the dungeon where his potions class was. It was clear by the few remaining students that a class had just ended. You felt a twinge of fear strike your heart, but you pushed past it. 

“Hello, Severus,” you said. The last few students walked around you and you stepped forward to meet your old friend. He stiffened as you approached and you took that to mean you had gone far enough. 

“What do you want?” He asked. You cleared your throat. 

“We work together now,” you said and then shook your head. “I should say, I know we have a past...erm...we were friends once....I mean, we are still friends if you want to be friends still, but I just wanted to say....”

Pausing, you closed your eyes and tried to imagine Cygnus there beside you, whispering words of comfort in your ear. He was a steady ground and some place stable to stand. He never judged you for stumbling over your words or starting a sentence over three times in a row. If he was there beside you, you could do anything. 

When you opened your eyes again, Severus’ face was just as unreadable as it had been before. But you were no longer afraid. 

“I don’t want there to be any ill will or bad blood between us. We’re working together now and I would like that work relationship to be one of mutual respect. You’ve lived your life and I’ve lived mine. But we’re here now and it’s nothing like when we were kids. I would appreciate a having a professional relationship with you, Professor Snape.” When you finished, you could almost hear Cygnus mutter a congratulations. 

You almost smiled to yourself. Severus’ face never even twitched. 

“You don’t have to call me Professor Snape,” was all he said in response. “Severus is fine.” 

That sense of pride that had burned in your chest twisted and became like a heavy weight. Severus...almost like you were friends again. You were partially grateful that it seemed as if he had forgotten how to smile. You always loved his smile. 

All you could do was nod your head before turning to leave swiftly. 

You barely made it back to your chambers before you started to cry. Maybe it was the relief from the weight you had been carrying around your shoulders for the last few weeks that made you break down, but you had a feeling that it was standing in front of Severus again and feeling like you barely knew him. 

You tried to remind yourself as your tears continued to run from your eyes that Severus had long ago stopped being your friend and it had been his choice, not yours. He was the one who walked away, not you. 

And he would have to live with it.

***

Severus got his dream job the next year. You had spent almost your entire first year on the job trying very hard not to punch Dolores Umbridge in the throat that you had almost forgotten that it was always DADA that Snape had wanted to teach. But there was something off that year, a chill in the air. 

“You’ve gotta be careful, Allyn,” you told your son one day while the two of you were picnicking by the Black Lake. “You can feel the shifts in the wind, right?” 

Allyn nodded his head. 

“It feels...darker than last year,” he said, looking up at the sky. You nodded slowly. 

“But everything will be alright,” you told him with a smile. 

“How can you be so sure?” 

“I can be so sure because everything will be fine as long as I have you with me and nothing bad is ever going to happen to you.”

Allyn smiled up at you, a twinkle in his eye. He shifted his gaze out to the water. 

“Did you come here with Dad?” he asked. You breathed in deeply through your nose and followed his line of sight. 

“Yes. We came out here often.” 

“I miss him.” 

“I do, too.” Leaning over, you pressed a kiss to the top of Allyn’s head. 

The two of you sat blissfully in silence, both picturing Cygnus there with you. It was a happy thought. 

Later that day, you were in your chambers getting ready for bed when a hurried knock came to your door. 

Scowling, you walked over, part of you fearing that it was Allyn. But when you threw your door wide open, you were more than surprised to see who was on the other side. 

“Severus.” 

He looked a mess. Dishelved, paler than usual, his eyes wide with fear. He breathed heavily, leaning one hand up against your doorframe as if it was the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Severus, what’s-” 

“Can I come in?” He asked. His monotonous façade was dropped and you heard the fear in his voice, fear and worry. 

“Of course.” You stepped out of the way and let him inside. He crossed the room before you even had the chance to close your door, leaning his back up against your far wall. “Please, tell me what’s happened.” 

He pressed his lips together, as if physically keeping a secret inside his mouth. Your heart thrummed in your chest. Only once before had you ever seen him so out of state and that was the night Lily died. He came to your house to deliver the news, but he ended up crying on your bathroom floor instead. That had been the last time you saw him before coming to work at Hogwarts and here you were again in a similar situation. 

“I can’t,” he said finally, shaking his head. “No, I can’t.”

“Okay. That’s okay.” You stepped toward him with one raised hand. As slow as your movements were, he still flinched away. “You’re okay, Sev. You’re safe in here.” 

He shut his eyes, squeezing them as tight as he could as he leaned his head against the wall. He slowly slid to the ground, knees pressed up against his chest as he rested his face in his arms. 

You were frozen where you were. A thousand questions rattled through your brain that you knew would never be answered. You looked at him more carefully and on one of his arms you could see a series of scars that were unmistakable. The Unbreakable Vow. 

“Oh, Sev,” you breathed, your heart going suddenly still. What have you done? 

At the sound of your voice, he started to cry. It was such a shocking sound that for a few moments, you didn’t even realize that was what was happening. And the few moments after that, you weren’t entirely sure what to do. 

But then you reminded yourself that the crying man before you was your friend. And maybe you weren’t great with talking to people and maybe your social skills weren’t the best, but if there was one thing you were good at, it was taking care of the few friends you had. 

Pushing past whatever roadblock kept you from comforting him, you stepped forward, quiet on your toes so not to startle him. He flinched again as you slowly lowered yourself to the ground next to him. Moving as slowly as you could so you didn’t startle him away, you slowly put your arms around him. One arm behind his neck and the other wrapped around his front so you could rest your palm against the side of his head. 

He tensed against your touch for the first couple of seconds, but the he softened and then he collapsed, turning in toward you. He grabbed your arm for dear life, his fists stuffed full of your long sleeves. His tear stricken face was pressed to your chest, your chin resting on the top of his head as he cried. It broke your heart to hear such a closed down man cry the way he was. Even more so, it killed you to know that your best friend was suffering and there wasn’t a single thing you could do about it. 

“Shh,” you whispered gently, holding him as tight as you could. “You are safe, Sev. I’m here. I’m here.” 

Dumbledore was killed two months later. 

He had never been your favorite person, but seeing his lifeless body lay motionless on the hard stone ground sent chills down your spine. It didn’t help that there had just been Death Eaters storming the castle, Severus as their head. 

You weren’t sure what broke your heart more; the fact that he had been working with the Death Eaters all this time and put your son in danger or the fact that he had the chance to kill you but he didn’t. 

Allyn was sobbing as you held onto him from behind. Almost the entire school stood around their headmaster’s body, a painful silence hung over all of them. Without Dumbledore, it seemed like the fight against Voldemort would be a vain one. 

The world was no longer safe and there was no where to take your son away. Either Voldemort had to die or Allyn could never live in peace again. And for you, only one of those was an option. 

***

You gasped, jumping to the side as a spell flew overhead. Taking barely any time to recover from your fall, you fired a return spell at the Death Eater in front of you. 

You breathed in deeply through your nose, hoping to stifle the burning fear in your chest. This was a different kind of fear than you were used to. This was deeper, immediate, like gliding over a smooth surface. You were mortified, but there was absolutely no time to waste in being afraid. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of the three children who had done the most for this school in the past seven years. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were scurrying across the grounds, heading toward to boat dock. You glanced back at the castle, knowing full well that the battle was raging heavily there and they could use every wand they could get. But you also knew that if those three were going somewhere, it was important. 

And you weren’t going to leave them alone. 

You supposed you were a bit braver knowing that Allyn was safe and far from here. He had protested wildly when you demanded that he go home, but you didn’t care how loudly he screamed. There was no way you were going to lose him to the same people who killed his father. As long as he was safe from here, you would die fighting Voldemort’s army if that was what it took. 

You hurried after the kids, keeping yourself at a safe distance away so you didn’t startle them. When they reached the boat house, you ducked behind a tree. There were voices inside the building. One was definitely the raspy voice of Voldemort. The other was just as easy to place. 

“Severus,” you whispered to yourself. Your heart panged painfully. If this past year with him as headmaster had taught you anything, it was that he was no longer the boy you once loved. He had grown up and made all the wrong choices. But you had grown up too. 

And then your heard the hiss of a snake and the sickening sound of a body hitting loose glass window panes. You covered your mouth with your hand to keep yourself from gasping too loudly. You knew before you even came from out behind the tree what had happened. 

Almost instantly, hot tears started to slide down your cheeks. You could hear Voldemort disapparate and as soon as he was gone, you pushed yourself out from behind the tree and ran toward the children. They snapped their heads toward you, wands raised, and you put your hands up. 

It took them a few seconds to recognize you, but once they did, they relaxed. 

“Professor Snape-” Miss Granger started, her face blanched from fear. You nodded your head. 

Mister Potter was the first one to move. He stood from where he was, his legs shaking as he rose. He moved toward the door like he was walking on glass. You supposed, as the adult, you should be the first to go inside, but you couldn’t bring yourself to move. Not until Harry was all the way inside. 

The boathouse smelled like algae. That stench was the only thing you could think about when you first entered. Staring down at Severus as he lay bleeding on the ground, all you could do was wonder why, with all the magic in the world, they couldn’t make the boathouse smell better. 

Ron kept a tight arm wrapped around Hermione by the door while you and Harry walked toward Severus on the ground. 

“Professor,” Harry said. Severus head lolled to the side and you could see the wide, bleeding gash on his neck. Your lips trembled as you lowered yourself slowly to the ground on the other side. The stone floor was cold, even through your pants. Severus didn’t even look at you. 

Silver tears rolled from his eyes, but it was nothing like that night the year before. These were tears of a tired man in pain, ready to let go. 

“Take them,” he said to Harry, his voice hoarse. “Take them!”

“Hermione, a vial?” Harry turned back toward his friend. 

“Here,” you said, pulling a vial out the pocket of your cloak. You couldn’t remember why you had put it there, but you were glad you did. Harry took it, his hands shaking, and dipped the rim underneath Severus’ tears, collecting them at the bottom. 

You were lost. The tears of a dying man meant nothing to you, but Severus seemed to relax once Harry had them in his possession. He took in a shuddering breath and you reached out to grab his hand. Still, he looked at Harry, who held his gaze. 

“You have your mother’s eyes,” Severus said. You pushed down a sob. Even with his dying breath, he still thought of her. You hung your head so the children wouldn’t see you crying. 

Severus breathed in another shaking breath and squeezed your hand as he let it out. You looked back up at him, but that was it. 

He was gone. 

***

You were still numb when the battle was over. It was all a blur to you, what happened after Severus died. Harry died but then he wasn’t dead, more fighting. You could barely hear the screams over the buzzing in your ears. Your mind was a blank, banking completely on muscle memory to keep you alive. 

But once it was all over, that numbness didn’t fade. You sat with Madam Pince in the Great Hall. It seemed smaller now. You weren’t sure why. 

Across from you, Remus Lupin and his new wife lay with their hands clasped together. That made you the last one. You were the only one left. Not even that thought produced a single tear. 

“Miss Halcyon?” 

You looked up to find Neville Longbottom standing in front of you and you somehow managed to smile. He had cut the head off the snake that sat on Voldemort’s shoulders. it was quite the spectacle. 

“Harry’s looking for you,” he said. Your smile turned into a scowl and you pushed yourself onto your feet. 

“For me?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why?”

“Won’t say, but he’s in Dumbledore’s Office.” 

You nodded your head and took a step forward. Before you walked past the boy, you placed your hand on his shoulder. 

“You have made your parents very proud, Mister Longbottom,” you told him. His cheeks turned red, but he nodded anyway. 

“And you’ve made your son proud, Miss Halcyon.” You were going to ask him what he meant, but he gave you no time to do so. “Harry. Dumbledore’s Office.” 

“Right. Be safe, Neville.” 

“The war’s over.” 

“Still. Be safe.” 

“Will do, Miss H.” 

He turned away from you then, sitting in the place you had just been. That left you to go find Harry. 

It was a horrible thing, to walk through the castle when it was full of so much destruction. Nearly every corridor was destroyed to some degree. Large slabs of cement littered the ground. Blood splattered here and there. It was impossible to determine if the blood was from someone on your side or someone on Voldemort’s. Either way, you felt your stomach curdle at the sight of it. 

Most of the bodies had been cleared at that point, but some still lay around here and there. You tried to ignore them. 

You weren’t sure if you should knock on the door to Dumbledore’s office or if you should just go in. You decided that you were an adult and knocking wasn’t required when both men who once worked in that office were now dead. 

You pushed your way inside. 

Harry was just sitting there on the stairs, the same look of numbness on his face that you imagined was on yours. When he saw you, he looked up and stood. 

“Neville said you wanted to see me,” you said, pulling on the edges of your sleeves. The edges were singed and still hot from someone setting your cloak on fire. 

“I need to show you something,” he said, taking a few steps toward you. “Or, I guess, Professor Snape does.” 

You tilted your head to the side, eyebrows pinched together. 

“I don’t understand.” 

“You will.” 

He beckoned you over to a round bowl floating in the middle of the room. 

“What is this?” 

“A pensive. It shows you memories.” 

You remembered the tears that Harry had collected. They hadn’t been tears at all. They were Severus’ memories. 

“He showed me what I needed to see to defeat Voldemort, but I think he left something for you, too.” 

You shook your head slowly, tears gathering in your eyes like a storm. 

“I don’t want to see his memories.” 

“I think you need to.” 

You look at the water bowl, rolling your lower lip between your teeth. You looked back at Harry then and finally saw what Severus was talking about. He really did have Lily’s eyes. 

“Your mother and I, we were friends, you know,” you said. Harry almost smiled. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“I miss her very much,” you told him. “Very much.”

Harry said nothing and you took that to mean that you had better get to surfing through Severus’ memories. 

When you placed your face in the bowl, you saw all the same things Harry did. You saw how Severus met Lily, all the time they spent together. You watched how he fell in love with her and how she fell in love with James. You watched yourself on the sidelines of these memories, never speaking, only there in passing. You watched him find her body, watched him as he went pleading with Dumbledore. You watched his horror as he discovered what Dumbledore’s plan for Harry was. 

You thought that was it. But then it seemed to start over. 

All the memories that had been so full of Lily were now full of you. You watched him laugh beside you at the Black Lake. You watched his little smile at you while you slept on one of your books. You had been studying for OWLs. You remembered that. You watched the two of you dancing horribly in one of the spare classrooms while the rest of the school was partying in the Great Hall one Halloween night. You watched as he held you in the darkness of your room, your parents screaming at each other downstairs. You watched as you stood between him and a spell shot his way by James Potter in third year. 

And then you saw him pull away from you at the end of fifth year. He watched on as you and Cygnus grew closer and anger bubbled in your chest. It wasn’t your anger though, it was his. 

“Why did you do it?” You wondered as you watched on. “Why did you push me away?” 

He seemed to have the answer for you. 

Those friends he had, the ones who all turned out to be Death Eaters. You watched them mock you and so many others, joking about how they would torture and hurt you. How, as Voldemort grew more powerful, people like you would be rid of. 

But once he had separated ties with you completely, your name was no longer brought up. They mocked and made fun of and threatened others, but not you, never you. 

As long as Severus was away from you, you were safe. 

You watched the night he came to your house after Lily died. Cygnus was still alive at that point, he was the one who opened the door. Hearing those heart wrenching sobs from Severus broke your heart all over again. 

You watched the day you first came back to Hogwarts. You saw yourself through his eyes. 

You watched the scene that sent him to your door crying. How the poor Malfoy boy was being forced to kill Dumbledore, but Severus knew he wouldn’t have the strength to do it. Severus knew that he would have to kill one of the only people he had ever trusted. 

The last thing you saw was Severus standing in front of the mirror. He was staring at himself, but he was looking at you. 

“If something happens to me, y/n, know that I...I am sorry. For everything.” 

For everything. Everything that he had just showed you. Everything that he had done. Everything that he was going to do. 

“Not all of this was for her,” he said. “Some of it was for you. You were the only one...the only one who stayed after it all. There is so much I wish to tell you, but I can’t. So, I just have one thing to say to you. Thank you.” 

There wasn’t even a lingering second before the memory disappeared. Your vision darkened, the murky water returning. 

You straightened your back, lifting your face from the bowl. Water trickled down your cheeks, but it wasn’t the water from the bowl. It was your tears. 

You ran your sleeve underneath your nose once before turning to face the empty room. Harry had left sometime while you were in the memories. Well enough, you thought. Better than him seeing you in such a mess. 

You left the office, leaving behind the last memories of your best friend. It was time to move on. He was gone. He had been gone for a very, very long time. 

“It’s time to move on.” 

“Mama!” 

You snapped your head to the side at the sound of Allyn’s voice. 

“Allyn?” Your voice broke. 

He was bolting toward you through one of the destroyed corridors, grinning. His face was covered in soot and dust and dirt, but he never looked so happy. His clothes were torn and singed like yours were. It didn’t take long for you to put two and two together. He had never left the battle. He had been here the whole time. 

But you had no time to be angry with him. Just at the sight of your son, your heart started to soar back to life. The numbness faded and you took one step forward and then another and another until you were running toward him just as quickly as he was running toward you. 

The two of you collided, holding onto each other for dear life. 

“You’re okay, you’re okay,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him. 

“It’s over,” he said when he pulled away. The sixteen year old boy in front of you was all you needed, you realized. Cygnus was gone, Severus was gone, Lily was gone, but you still had your son. As long as he was there, nothing else mattered. 

[thebakingqueen5]

KW 2021: Height Difference

Day 1 for Kataang Week 2021 hosted by @kataang-week with the prompt Height Difference!

Links: AO3 | FF.net

Summary: Another year, another summer, another week of prompts celebrating our favorite couple. Kataang Week 2021 Day 1: Height Difference. It’s his 14th birthday and Aang is feeling frustrated. Katara wants to help and Aang confides in her about some of his insecurities.

Word Count: 2.2K

After a long day of festivities, night had finally fallen across the Fire Nation palace, and Aang and Katara were ready to head to bed and get some well-earned rest.

The couple had just finished up at the banquet and silently walked through the dimly lit halls to Aang’s room so as to not alert Katara’s overprotective brother. Though they had merely been cuddling the last few nights before sleeping, Sokka would surely throw a fit if he knew that they were sharing a room at all, hence a bit of secrecy was needed.

At last, they arrived- the third door on the right in the central wing of the palace had been designated the Avatar’s quarters since as early as Kyoshi’s time. It was a fair distance away from the rest of the bedrooms in the west wing, and it also had far more extravagant commodities with its own mini-courtyard and balcony, giving the pair plenty of space to get away from the rest of the world and simply enjoy being with each other.

“Today was fun,” Katara sighed as they finally entered the room, taking off her shoes at the entrance and immediately going towards the inviting bed.

She let herself fall onto the soft mattress, groaning softly as her limbs were finally able to relax after a long day of dancing, cooking, and celebrating for the airbender’s 14th birthday, while Aang gently closed the door with a soft thump.

“Yeah,” Aang chuckled as he joined her on the bed. He pulled some of the thin cotton sheets over them and then curled up next to her on his side.“It sure was... something.”

The waterbender shifted slightly to allow her boyfriend to rest his head in the crook of her neck and absentmindedly traced the outline of the blue arrow on his head while he closed his eyes in contentment.

“Something?” she questioned. Katara furrowed her eyebrows, her movements faltering. “Did you not have fun, Aang?”

The airbender winced when he heard the twinge of hurt in Katara’s voice. She hadn’t been trying to make it sound that way, but she had been planning the event for weeks and naturally was a little offended by the implication of his words.

“Oh. No, sweetie, I didn’t mean it that way. The party was amazing! The food, the drinks, the music, everything was spectacular. You did an amazing job, and it means a lot to me that you care so much.”

Katara let out a quiet breath of relief, resuming her gentle touches to his tattoos.

“Of course I care, sweetie. You’re my boyfriend, and I love you. That’s why if you didn’t like it, I won’t be mad, really.”

Aang tilted his head up and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “That wasn’t it, I promise. I just… I had  a bit on my mind today.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked him tenderly.

He sighed and buried his face in her neck. “I guess... it would be nice to get it off my chest. It’s not like anyone else would get it anyways.”

The waterbender gave him a curious look, silently encouraging him to continue.

“It’s so stupid, but I heard some nobles talking when I stepped away to get us some water. They just kept going on and on about how much of a child I was and how I’m too young and too scrawny and too short for you, and, well, they’re right!”

He turned his body away from her now frowning face and pulled the blankets snug around his body like a protective cocoon.

“You’re almost 16, Tara,” Aang murmured. “A young woman in every sense of the word. Spirits, you’re of marrying age in a month! Me? I’m just a loser kid you found washed up in an iceberg. How could I ever be deserving of you?”

“Oh, Aang…”

She shifted onto her side as well and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head on his back and listening to the rhythm of his breathing.

“Those nobles are utterly ridiculous. First of all, it’s only two years! What difference does two years make in the long run? It doesn’t, that’s what. My parents were four years apart and were the happiest two people in the world! A gap of two years is insignificant,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Second of all, sure we’re young, but considering that we saved the world even younger, I think it’s safe to say we’ve matured beyond our years. We’re certainly old enough to know we love each other, and that’s all that matters.”

“Doesn’t change the other part though,” Aang muttered in response. “Spirits, I’m 14 and barely the same height as you. A little shorter if we’re being honest. It’s so annoying! Why can’t I just grow up already?”

“Sweetie?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t mean for this to come off the wrong way, but why do you care about that? What difference does it make?”

The airbender remained silent for a few moments and pondered her question, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“The monks had always taught me to judge people based on the content of their character, not their exterior, and to draw satisfaction from being self-assured, rather than care about what other people thought. And in most cases I feel like I do that pretty well, but…”

“But?”

A subtle pink tinted Aang’s cheeks and he took her hands in his, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

“You’re different, Katara. You’re the one I love more than anything, the one I would do anything for, the one whose opinions, thoughts, and feelings mean the world to me. You’re the most amazing person on the planet, and you deserve someone worthy of you. Look at Haru and Jet! They were both older and taller and so even something as small as noticing the height difference when we’re dancing kinda hurts. It just feels like I’m the odd one out. I know that’s silly but-”

The waterbender cut him off and shook her head.

“It’s not silly, Aang. Believe me, I’ve felt the same way more times than I’d care to admit. But, in the end, none of that matters. I love you. I chose you . You’re not just my boyfriend, you’re my best friend."

He turned back around to face her and swept her up in an embrace, mind immediately put at ease by her words.

“Plus,” she continued, “So what if you’re a little shorter than me now? You’ll grow in no time. Quite frankly, I’ll miss being taller than you when you do.”

The airbender quirked an eyebrow. “You’ll miss it?”

Katara chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to his forehead, right at the tip of his arrow.

“Yeah,” she whispered, “I will. Being able to do that, not having to look up or go on my toes trying to kiss you, I won’t be able to do all that forever. Things like kisses, hugs, they’re a lot more… accessible with our current heights.”

“Hmm,” Aang hummed. “I guess I never really thought of it like that. I still want to grow taller of course, but when you put it like that, I might miss this a little bit too.”

“Let’s not get too carried away with the future, okay?” Katara laughed. “We have our whole lives ahead of us, let’s just stay in the present- the present where I love you, and you love me, and nothing else matters.”

The airbender grinned with her, pressing his forehead gently to hers.

“I like the sound of that. Thank you, sweetie. For listening, for the reassurance, just everything. It means a lot.”

“Of course, sweetie. I’m always here.”

Katara pressed a sweet kiss to his lips and wrapped her arms around his neck as Aang returned it, pulling her closer to him. They broke apart after a few seconds and grinned like idiots at one another. There was silence, but it was comfortable. The two didn’t need words, they were just enjoying being with each other.

“It’s getting late,” the waterbender murmured after some time. “We should probably go to bed.”

“Probably,” Aang whispered back, unable to take his eyes off the angel in front of him. With a flick of his wrist, he put out the candles that had been lighting up the room and settled into his pillow as Katara drew closer to him and interlocked their fingers.

“Good night, Aang. Love you,” she said, beginning to drift off to the dream realm.

“Love you too, Tara,” the airbender yawned. “Sweet dreams.”

One year later…

“Happy birthday!” the room chorused as Aang blew out all his 15 candles.

The airbender grinned and began to cut the apple cake- an ancient recipe of the Air Nomads recreated by some of the top chefs in the Fire Nation as a gift from Zuko.

“Thanks guys!” Aang laughed. “Man, it’s crazy to think that the war has been over for a little more than two years now.”

Katara smiled and leaned up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

“We’ve all done a lot of growing up. We’re older, more mature-” she gave Aang a quick look from head to toe. “ Taller .”

He chuckled, pulling her close to him and peppering kisses all over the top of her head. She was right, of course- as if triggered by their conversation that night, Aang had grown rapidly over the next year. A month later he was the same height as her, two months following he was comfortably able to rest his arm on her shoulder, and now, a year later, he towered above her with her eyebrows barely at his chin.

“Ugh,” Sokka groaned. “Give it a rest you two. The oogies are out of control! Spirits, you act like a newly wedded couple still in the honeymoon stage half the time.”

“Oh, leave them alone, Sokka,” Suki chided. “It’s his birthday! Let’s give the lovebirds some alone time. They’re just kids, they’re nowhere near that yet.”

“Yeah, haha, absolutely not,” Aang nervously laughed as the other couple exited the room. The stone pendant in his pocket began to feel like poisonous lead weighing down his vision for the hopefully not-so-distant future.

“You never know,”  the airbender heard Katara mumble, so quiet he wasn’t even sure she had actually said it. “Sometimes things will come when you least expect it.”

He stood there blankly for a moment, brain struggling to process her words and had just opened his mouth to ask her what she meant (she couldn’t possibly be talking about what he thought she was… right?) when she decided to speak up instead.

“I can’t believe you were ever nervous about staying short, sweetie,” Katara quipped, her eyebrows raised teasingly.

Aang merely blinked at the subject change, promptly concluding that the last thirty seconds were simply a figment of his imagination, and sheepishly scratched the back of his head in response to her comment.

“I guess it was kinda silly, huh,” he laughed. “Look at us now.”

The waterbender pouted, going up on the balls of her feet and craning her neck to gaze up at him. “You’re too tall for your own good. I miss when you were shorter and I didn’t have to tilt my head every time just to look at you.”

“Oh c’mon, it has its benefits.”

He gave her a quick look to warn her for what he was about to do, and with one swift motion, Katara was suddenly off the ground and in Aang’s arms bridal-style, her arms around his neck and their gazes interlocked.

The airbender touched their foreheads together and gave her a cheesy grin.

“I couldn’t do this before, now could I?” he asked, quirking an eyebrow up at her.

“No,” Katara smiled, her head tilted as she looked at him endearingly, “I suppose you couldn’t. And I certainly won’t be one to complain about you holding me more often.”

Aang laughed and carefully set her back down, hearing the growing volume of the room next to them. He quickly grabbed the two full glasses on the table and handed one to the waterbender.

“Here’s to hoping you’re the one who grows by next year so my neck isn’t always sore from looking down at you,” he said as he held his drink up.

Katara gave him a dry stare before rolling her eyes and smiling.

“Cheers.”

The two clinked their glasses and turned to face the door behind which the rest of their friends had already begun to celebrate.

“Shall we?” Aang asked as he held out his arm to her.

“We shall,” Katara responded, accepting it. “Happy birthday, Aang.”

[night-rhea]

Night Rhea’s Profile

“Lets have tea one day. I will bring the tea, you will bring the view.”

Thanks @hogwartsmystory for letting us use this template!

Name: Night "Nur" Rhea

Gender: Genderfluid (They/Them)

Birth Date: 11 July 1973

Species:  Human

Blood Status: Pureblood

Sexuality: Bisexual

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Nationality: British/ Turkish

Myer Briggs Personality Type: ENFJ - The Giver

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THE MAGE

1st Wand: Red oak, dragon heartstring, flexible, 13″

2st Wand: Cypress, phoenix feather, unyielding flexibility, 14″

"Cypress wands are associated with nobility. The great medieval wandmaker, Geraint Ollivander, wrote that he was always honoured to match a cypress wand, for he knew he was meeting a witch or wizard who would die a heroic death. Fortunately, in these less blood-thirsty times, the possessors of cypress wands are rarely called upon to lay down their lives, though doubtless many of them would do so if required. Wands of cypress find their soul mates among the brave, the bold and the self-sacrificing: those who are unafraid to confront the shadows in their own and others’ natures.

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Animagus: Black Hawk

⦁ Night’s one of the favorite thing is being in sky. No matter the weather, day or night, you can see Night in the sky or daydreaming while looking at clouds/stars. They spend little too much time as a hawk. Night’s hawk form is a regular Black Hawk with blue eyes.

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Misc Magical Abilities: Legilimens, Occlumens

⦁ Being Legilimens in Rhea family is not something unexpected. Night's father Matthew realized his younger child is Legilimens when they were seven years old. But he never believed they can use it perfectly. Night didnt used Legilimency properly until their fifth year. İn two years, Night was able to use this ability without wand. Even though it was enough for them, Snape warned Night about not stopping training, and wanted them to learn Occlumency too. Yakup was already Occlumens and very skilled Legilimens, and with a threat of their also Legilimens uncle, Night didnt questioned at all. With their brother's help, Night mastered these two magical ability in years.

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Boggart Form: Night had 3 different Boggart in their life

⦁ Yakup (Jacob), with dark mark on his arm and looking at Night madly.

⦁ Rowan, saying everything would be better if it was Night who died.

⦁ Theirself, covered with blood and smiling madly, with Dark Mark.

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⦁ Amortentia: (What do they smell like?) Deep forest, rain, ocean, cold air, jasmine, black tea

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⦁ Patronus: Hawk, Hebridean Black-Dragon (After Rowan’s death)

Dragon patronus; One of the most powerful and formidable creatures of the magical world, dragons are ambitious and dominant. With the ability to breathe fire, they quickly assert themselves, garnering both fear and respect from those around them. They are unafraid to take risks and prefer to live by their own set of rules. They are quick to lead and do not back down from a challenge. Dragons are strong in their convictions and will stand for what they believe is right. Those with a dragon for a Patronus are sure to be fierce fighters, and the Dementors better be ready for a challenge.

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Patronus Memory: 

Playing with Cordell, Barnaby and Atlas (@vixenmcmahenhphm ) when they were child.

The first night they spend watching stars with Talbott. 

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Mirror of Erised:

İn childhood: Night with Yakup, their mom and their grandfather, all standing together and smiling.

İn adulthood: All of Night’s friends and family being together and alive

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Specialized/Favourite Spells:

Wingardium Leviosa

Flipendo Maxima

Colorovia

Accio

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APPEARANCE

Their casual look:

How i draw their hair:

Faceclaim: Alexander LeRoy - Ruby Rose

0Voice Claim: English: Ruby Rose-Turkish: Şebnem Ferah

Night had a thick Turkish accent when they started Hogwarts but in years it disappeared. They never liked this accent.

Have loud voice, and have no control on it.

Always have a smile on their face, unless they are having really rough moment.

Weird/ funny faces are something you can see often 

Their hair gets more straight and darker and as they grown

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Height: 183cm in Hogwarts-last year-, 188 cm when they are adult

Weight: Heavier than they looks

Physique: With spells and potions, they change their looks/body so often.

Eye Colour: Sky blue

Hair Colour: Navy Blue/ Blue

Skin Tone: Pale

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Body Modifications and Scarrings:

Four piercings in ears, one in right,  three in left side

Many scars and burn marks espacially after Buried Vault

Dark Mark on left arm

Few on their neck after war

Big burn mark on their left arm (where Dark Mark was)

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Inventory: 

Too many tiny chocolates so they can share

Yakup's and theirs old drawing notebook 

Pronoun bracelets

Their grandma's old jasmine perfume 

Quil, ink and a blue tiny notebook (written in Turkish so no one knows what they are writing)

Their own Rhea locket

Yakup's Rhea locket

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Fashion:

Loves buttoned shirts, but cant stand without rolling slevees up

Shorts and pants

Mostly hates skirts, but will wear it sometimes 

Likes black boots, especially with heels

Sweeters on shirts, when they need to look good

Hoodies, especially on rough days

Wears binder, most of time

Dress and suits on events, depends on how they are feeling

Doesnt like makeup, but okay with eyeliner

Always wears pronoun bracelets:

Grey- They/Them

Black- He/Him

White- She/Her

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ALLEGIANCES

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Ilvermorny House: Wampus

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Affiliations/Organizations: 

Circle of Khanna

Order of the Phoenix

Death Eaters

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Professions: 

Curse Breaker: After graduating, Night worked with Bill and Yakup as a Curse Breaker.

Double Agent: İn Death Eaters, actually working for Order.

Dragonologist: After war, they moved to Romania and specialized Hebridean Black's. Night worked and lived here as dragonologist for nearly ten year.

Flying instructor: When Night moved back to England, they also started to work in Hogwarts as flying instructor, Quidditch referee, and coach.

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HOGWARTS INFORMATION

Class Proficiencies:

·      Astronomy: O

·      Charms: O

·      DADA: E

·      Flying: O

·      Herbology: A

·      History of Magic: A

·      Potions: O

·      Transfiguration: E

Electives:

COMC: A

Divination: A

Muggle Studies: A

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Quidditch: Chaser-Beater

⦁ Night started to play Quidditch in their second year as a Chaser. While they wasnt the best chaser, Night was enough to help Slytherin to win the Cup. They meet Gryfindor Chaser-Vixen during practise and whole year, they werent be able to be better chaser than her. The rivalry between her and Night made the dark haired kid realize maybe being chaser wasnt really something for them. in third year, thanks to McNully, they started to play as a beater, and find theirself being more succesfull than ever. After that, Vixen and Night's rivalry become more friendly. (Beginning of Nixen Au)

⦁ Their favorite practise partners are Charlie, Samantha (@samshogwarts ), Vixen (@vixenmcmahenhphm ) Andre, Orion and Rath.

⦁ Whenever Night was angry or stressed, and even flying didnt make them calm, they took the beaters bat and destroy some dummies. İn fourth year, Night injured some second year student. They were angry about Merula, and just wanted hurt something. So they went for dummies in Training Ground. Night wasnt looking actually where they was hitting, there was just the feeling of fullness . A sharp scream bring them to reality. İt was the first time they hurt someone out of anger, and unfortunatelly wasnt the last.

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Favourite Professors: 

Madam Hoach: She is strong and powerfull woman and her tough behavior makes Night adore her. And one quick note, Night is really afraid of making her mad. During their school life, Night interacted with her so often thanks to their Quidditch love.

McGonnagal: Even if she is not Night's head of house, Night find her much more easier to talk than other proffesors. They feel deeply guilty about the times they had to lie to her. McGonnagal and Talbott's close relationship makes Night feel even more warm about her.

Flitwick: He is someone who Night doesnt have any problem to talk. They enjoy his classes, and little chats they share. Night often share the teas their granpa send them from Turkey, and Flitwick always appreciate.

Least Favourite Professors: 

Snape: No one need a reason to dislike him, but Night actually doesnt hate him.

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RELATIONSHIPS

Father: Matthew Rhea

Second son of Alexander and Alycia Rhea. Known for his dicipline he got from his father, and his talent in Legilimency. İn Rhea family, the ones worth is same as their power in this magical ability. Being better than his older brother, made Matthew the golden child of family. And as you can imagine it seperated the brothers. Matthew was loyal follower of Dark Lord, a feared Death Eater. He believed wizarding world will be better with Voldemort, and never regretted for following him. Even if it cost his life.

He was never the father figure to Night. They doesnt remember him smiling to them, even for once. On Night's fifth birthday, Matthew decided to send them to Turkey, to Seline's family. For three years, Night stayed away from their home, with their grandfather and only comes back in summers when Yakup is back from Hogwarts. İn 1981 (When Night was eight years old) Matthew died in war, and Seline let Night to come back.

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Mother: Seline Rhea

Youngest in five sibling, fourth daughter of İbrahim and Saadet Yavuz. Seline lost her mother when she was two, so she has no memory of Saadet. İbrahim never treat any of his child differently and loved them all same, but Seline never been close to him, or most of her siblings. Even when she was a child, she was quiet, and keeping her distance from everyone. Books were her best and only friends. So when Seline meet with Matthew, leaving her home and country wasnt actually hard decision to made. Seline loved Matthew with her whole heart. He wasnt trying to change her, and that was what she was asking for, for her whole life. Young woman knows, that he was interested in her being Legilimens, but she didnt care. If she was powerfull enough for him to want her as his wife, she thinks its something she should be proud of.

She fit perfectly in Rhea's. Her new house was nothing like Yavuz's warm and loud house, just like how she is also nothing like. Seline couldnt be more proud, when she and Matthew discovered Jacob is also Legilimens. She was excited for her second child too, but when she hold her newborn, she saw the look on Matthew eyes. The disapointment. He didnt like his child to have bright blue hair. At first, Seline didnt think it will be problem, its only color of hair after all. But real problem was, Night being nothing like a Rhea. They were energetic, loud child. Running in house, climbing on whatever they finds, jumping on every water pot they saw. Seline knows they were exactly like her own siblings, nieces. Night wasnt nothing like Jacob (Seline's Turkish accent turned his name into Yakup).

On the fifth birthday that Night turned five, she didnt even say anything when Matthew told her to send Night to Turkey, next to her father.

After Matthew died, Yakup was her everything. And Night was.. Just someone from her past, her own family, something she wanted to leave her behind but couldnt. Unfortunatelly, not so long after Matthew death, Yakup get expelled from Hogwarts and went missing. To find him, Seline did something she thought she wont be ever doing it. She begged Matthew's brother Jonathan for help. And her answer was only a smile. A cold smile, belongs to someone who is happy to have all the control on family now

Night's three year, when they were alone with their mother was, rough. Everyday was about Yakup, about finding him. To have Seline's attention, Night do everything they can do to act like Yakup, look like Yakup. İt was impossible for them, but in their mind it was their only goal. Being someone their mother will love.

The first time Seline looked lovingly at them, was when Night was about to get in Hogwarts Express. When they promised her to find Yakup.

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Sibling: Jacob (Yakup) Rhea

Yakup and Night werent able to spend much time together, when they were child. Thanks to their ten year difference between their ages, they only saw each other in summers. İn their cold house, Yakup was the only one who loved Night deeply, other than their nany Goni. He was well aware of how his Pip wasnt like his other cousins, other Rhea's, and  that was enough reason for him to love them. Their smile and loud excited voice was the thing warms the house in Yakup's eyes. 

When he get expelled, he knows all of his burdens became Night's. He regretted deeply, but there was nothing he can do from a portrait. He waited for his "sister" to rescue him, waited so patiently and dreamed the day they reunited. But when Night finally came, it wasnt like how he imagined. 

They both wanted to have back the ones they remember from seven years ago. But the truth is, both were so different now, and they doesnt want to admit it. Their old beautiful relationship was gone now, and wont be same for so long. After Hogwarts, they fight a lot. Argued a lot, couldnt agree on same things. Until Night took the mission that will change their life forever.

When Night first runned away, right after they killed an auror in front of him, Yakup lived the hardest weeks in his life. He saw in their eyes himself, how he was when he first get expelled. He already knew Night changed so much, when Rowan died. And couldnt help but feel like all of it was his fault. Now his Pip was so lost inside, so lost that couldnt able to see whats wrong or right. So he searched for Night with everything he has. 

Of course he didnt know it was all part of their plan. Thankfully soon enough, Night came back to him to explain everything. That they will be a spy in Death Eaters, and needs him to be their Secret Keeper. But also they needed him to promise. Promise to see the mission more important than their life. (Will be contunied in Future AU)

After war, their relationship was better than ever, and they finally have the sibling they both missed so much.

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Grandfather (Mother's Dad): İbrahim Yavuz

Lovely Turkish old man who looked after his five children alone, after his wife died. He loved all of his kids all same, but his kids are all different. Four daughter and one son, Seline was the youngest one, and the coldest one to İbrahim.

One day when Night and their nany Goni showed up on his door, he was more suprised than he was happy. Living with tiny energetic child  who cant understand his own language for three years was actually hard for İbrahim. But thanks to Goni who can talk to both languages, Night started to understand and talk Turkish in short time. Well enough to have an accent actually. With their cousins, aunts and uncle here, Night actually had a big and  lovely home there. Their name was hard to pronounce in Turkish, so İbrahim gave them another name. He never liked Night's names meaning, and choose the name that means entirelly opposite of 'Night'. "Nur". It means " The light of the God" and İbrahim thinks it fits his grandchildren more.

As much as Night loved the Yavuz household and Turkey, they missed their mother, brother,home. Ibrahim wasnt sure if Seline would take Night back to England, if Matthew didnt died. He was hoping Seline would come back now, with her son. But Seline refused, and instead of coming back to Turkey, she took Night back.

Night wrote letters to him so often, and in every change they visit Turkey. İbrahim was parent to them, more than their own family and they couldnt be more grateful to have him as grandfather.

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Uncle: Jonathan Rhea

First son of Alexander and Alycia Rhea. He is only two years older than Matthew. He married with Elyssa Black, and had two child. Cora Rhea, a Legilimens and  two years older than Jacob; and Cordell Rhea in same age with Night. İn 1981, Jonathan lost his daughter and his wife.

Losing half of his own family shaked him deeply, but on the other hand, now Matthew is also gone,and it was good enough to make him forget about his pain. All the responsibilty of Rhea's is now Jonathan's. He is the only one who is head of family now. Or at least, its what he think.

Little he know Seline will be the biggest impediment to him. She wont let him to take the big house (Where Matthew and her staying with their childs, because Matthew was the head of family) She refused him, and told him Yakup will be the one who will take Matthew's place. She knows how Jonathan hate her and Yakup. He wouldnt let Seline stay in family or even England. So she fight with Jonathan with all her power. Until Yakup disappears.

After that, Seline lost her hopes, she even begged him to help her find her son.She promised to leave England if he helps. But Jonathan didnt care, he took everything he wanted after all. The house, being the important one. He was no longer the one who is forgotten in his little brothers shadow. He is the one who is in control now. He even took Night from Seline. Night lived in his house from their fourth year to seventh year.

When Night started Hogwarts, Jonathan told his son to stop them. From finding Yakup. Because he cant risk his nephew to come back, and took everything he earned.  Unfortunatelly, his fears will come true and Yakup will come back. Jonathan will hate him with all his being and this hate will be dangerous when Voldemort returns.

Jonathan will be the one, who offer Night a place in Death Eaters when Night run away from their first crime. He will say he is proud of them for choosing the right way and realizing Yakup is the traitor one, not him. And will say Matthew would be also proud of them.

During war time, Jonathan will be the biggest enemy of Night, even if he wont know about it.

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Love Interest: 

Talight- Talbott Winger 

Night and him meet in third year thanks to Penny. Night didnt even know his name,and Talbott was staying away from the cursed vault kid to avoid trouble. It actually took them long time to be close friends. But once they became friends, they found theirselves a way to escape from other. At first, they see each other as a someone who can understand other ones feelings. Talbott learned Night isnt always as happy as they seems or they isnt just a selfish troublemaker. And Night learned Talbott isnt someone who has stone cold heart and doesnt care about others. They so often fly together in night, sit in silent in owlery, read their own books in libary,and sometimes running/flying around just for fun. Talbott learned to like some harmless chaos, and Night learned to be not afraid of silence. İn fourth year, Night realized they have deeper feelings for him, but couldnt risk to lose his friendship. They were happy enough to have him as friend. But Tulip reading their secret notebook out loud didnt help them to hide their feelings. The notebook was written in Turkish so no one could understand, but Night completely forget about how Tulip actually knows Turkish. Even if it happened out of Night's control, it didnt end like how Night feared. 

As much as they both loved each other, being in relationship is something these two doesnt know well. İn fifth year, they dealed with some tiny (!) jealousy. Night meets with Jae, and being in detention whole year help them become a close friend in short time. Being busy with Rakepick and her tasks, Night was quiet busy and Jae was the only one they can see without needing help. (Remember how Rowan said they were only comes to their friend to get help?) Our little bird didnt like to feel in this way. But this feeling wasnt just keeping "him" awake in nights. It was eating Night from inside too. They were aware of how they couldnt see Talbott so often, and actually missing  their piecefull times together. They couldnt help but notice how he got close with Badeea. Not that they thinks Talbott shouldnt have friends. Actually they were happy about how these two Ravenclaw sharing their own worlds to each other. Night just, felt unsure if they are good enough for Talbott, in a way Badeea is more than enough. Night and Badeea were so different, and Night  couldnt help but compare theirself with her. Our couple didnt actually broke up, but i can say they had some walls between their hearts now, the ones they both didnt wanted but thought other one needs it. They goes to Summer Festival, with different people. Wanna guess who?? Of course Badeea and Jae. They both watch each other laugh with someone else. But in the end of the year, when Night and others came back from Buried Vault, Talbott was the one who hold them while they were crying.

Next two year, they both supported each other. (Yes im just skipping all the things because, there is things im excited to write and draw and dont wanna spoil it here). But before graduation, Night wanted to break up. To focus on theirselves. Night knows how Talbott worked hard to be auror, and they doesnt want him to worry about them while having so many things to worry about already. Talbott didnt like the idea of course, refused at first. He blamed them, get angry, didnt talked to them for days. But then, he understood why Night saying these. To accept it, he wanted them to promise him something. That they will come back to him. No matter as what, as a lover, as a friend, as a someone who still have warmt in their heart for him.

Well, in a way, Night keep their promise. (Will be continued in Future AU)

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Nelix- Felix Rosier 

İn Hogwarts, their relationship was mostly about Felix trying to keep Night out of trouble and fail every time. He became Dragonologist when he graduated, and Night send him maybe too many letters to ask about life in Romania. (Charlie also aprecciated his letters too, as you can imagine.) Being Dragonologist was Night's dream job, even if they doesnt think they will be doing it in future. So after graduation, just to see Charlie, dragons and Romania (definitelly not to see Felix, please) they travelled there a lot.

Seeing each other again, with other Death Eaters was not what they both hoped. Night knew Felix would be there. But for him, seeing Night there was shocking. He was disappointed, but thought about maybe Night was forced by their family, just like him. (Will be continued in Future AU)

After all the rough time they managed to survive, they both needed to heal from what they saw, what they did. And being far away from England was just what they needed.

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Nixen AU- Vixen McMahen (@vixenmcmahenhphm )

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Marhea AU- Atlas Marson (@vixenmcmahenhphm )

(Just leaving note here, im always open for making ship au's. If youre interested, let me know so we can have fun!)

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Best Friends: 

Rowan Khanna

Talbott Winger

Barnaby Abernathy Lee

Ben Copper

Bill Weasley

Charlie Weasley

Andre Egwu

Jae Bo Kim

Tonks

Erika Rath

Merula Snyde

Chiara Lobosca

Tulip Karasu

Liz Tuttle

Badeea Ali

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Enemy:

Patricia Rakepick- R

Jonathan Rhea- Death Eaters

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Dormmates: 

Rowan Khanna, Liz Tuttle, Marina Willow (@mira-shard)

(Send me dm if you want your mc and Night be roommates! Two spots open for girls room!)

Barnaby Abernathy Lee, Cordell Rhea

(Send me dm if you want your mc and Night be roommates! Two spots open for boys room!)

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Pets: 

Marshall: Night look after Yakup's closest friend, a black cat, after he disappears. After him, poor kitty become so quiet,and in nights cant sleep without Night in room. They promised Marshall to take Yakup back, but before he can come back Marshall passed away (İn beginning of fifth year). After him, Night didnt have any pet.

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Closest MC Friends: Let me know if i can put your mc's name here!

Miscellaneous:

⦁ With Felix words, Night is “too chaotic and energetic like a Gryfindor”. You can see them running around anytime -mostly after Jae, Vixen or Tonks- or laughing with tears on their face. Not to mention they have a loud voice and you will hear when they laugh everytime. (Chiara admit it later that she was afraid of telling her secret to Night just because of this. But dont worry, they can be very secretive.) Night’s face always wears their emotions, that means you can see a lot of weird and funny expressions.

⦁ Chocolate is the key of happy Night. Whenever they have a chocolate frog, you can see a bright smile on their face. Bad Quidditch match? They will eat chocolate angrily on Pitch. Bad exam? Chocolate again with a face that shows you how their brain is burned. Snape’s favorite punishment for Night? Honeydukes Ban. Night will probably just curl up on grass in Training Grounds and wait for the day pass. Also a cup of tea could make Night very happy too. Thanks to their grandpa, they know how to make tea in every way, so they would be so happy if you join them for tea.

⦁ Because of that bright attitude of them, Night wasnt taken seriously at first. When some older Slytherins talked about Jacob in common room, everyone in room learned about how Night doesnt hold back when they are angry. İn years, they did a lot of things out of anger that they will regret later.

⦁ Night is a person who cant tell easily their negative feeling.When they got sad, they got quiet. Mostly Night just hide their sadness behind their smile and hope that it will be gone.