#I do need to get started on other writing but I often find collaborative writing this way such an engaging and fun way to write

[goodluckclove]

Since starting this blog I am pretty baffled by the amount of people who are convinced that they have to write a novel. They have to write (Sure! Great! Good for you!), and it has to be a novel. As if that's that's the only thing that deems someone a "real writer".

Which I mean clearly they're all getting that information from somewhere. No judgement. It's - uh - incorrect, though.

Short stories are not any easier than novels just because they're shorter. If you think one is easier than the other, that's probably just because you take to the structure better - which is a good thing for you. At this point I can writer 50k+ words no problem - but creating an entire, satisfying story with a sliver of that length is incredibly difficult for me. If you've followed my blog for a while, you'll find that most of my posts are long as shit. I am a rambler.

If you're attuned to lore and world building, you'd probably be able to create a pretty amazing table top campaign. Or even like an ARG or something. Oh man I'd love more ARGs in the world, especially ones not strictly horror so I can get into them without being spooked.

if you love characters and dialogue, plays are a great way to express that. Your whole story is essentially in your dialogue. If you have a sense of what I can only describe as narrative perspective, screenplays would probably be a great thing to try.

All of these are writing. A lot of these are often more accessible than a novel. If you're someone who laments a lack of feedback when posting work online, producing a play gives you the opportunity to witness an audience react to your work live. Or running a campaign allows you to collaborate and interact directly with your party (the audience proxy of sorts), creating memories through storytelling.

We need all of this! Storytelling has evolved over time, and while novels are cool shit it is goofus behavior to completely ignore all the new opportunities the modern age offers. One of the most compelling stories I've seen recently is the fucking Walten Files, an online analog horror series. I genuinely think most of the best voices in modern horror are in analog and digital horror.

So yeah allow yourself to explore from writing. Anyone who sees what you do and says you aren't a "Real Writer" are dipshits and they can write their own New York Times Bestseller if they're so goddamned concerned about it.

If you want to write stories and you feel like you're not managing to write the way you want to, maybe you haven’t found your medium yet.

I’m not talking about making money, I’m not talking about getting some agent or publisher to see money in your work. I’m talking about you, writing what you want to write.

I love writing. I do not love writing novels. They hurt me, physically. I have been so much happier since I stopped trying to force myself to write novels and disappeared into my flash fiction and short stories.

Maybe novels aren’t your thing either. And maybe short stories aren’t! Maybe your words want to be poured into poems, or songs, or TTRPG campaings, or drabbles, or podcasts, or anecdotes, or (screen)plays, or something else entirely!

There are so many ways to be a writer, and even more to be a storyteller. You don’t have to let yourself be bullied by a medium that does not suit your creativity.

[buckrogers]

WIPs word search

Tagged by the gorgeous @bromcommie!

I’m not sure if this is cheating or not but since a large part of my writing recently is stemming from RP, I decided to include a few of my personal favorite snippets as well as a bonus I just liked for how it came out after I had to wrestle with it for a while. These are from all kinds of interactions Steve has had and I’ve included with whom (two guesses who most are with).

Space (and also home w/Bucky):

Home but not quite home. Home looked at through a cracked mirror. Looking around, even as close as it gets in places, it isn't a hard push to see why it isn't the place Steve draws in that sketchbook of his. Why it's other places, warmer ones, that he prefers spending his time in. The apartment. Wakanda. He never had talked much about the way his body had its own memories for it. Being in the ice, being cold that way, down to his bones. Maybe because it had seemed such a touchy subject to begin with, maybe because it would have seemed like he was comparing somehow, what Bucky had endured all those years to his subconscious physical recall. For all his hesitations, about diving into bodies of water (he never had learned how to swim before the serum and it took time after to muster the courage to learn and overcome his first body’s hesitations), about confined spaces that felt a little too similar to the groaning fuselage of a plane as it sank, it hadn't come close to the things he'd read in those files, pressed into his hands by Natasha years ago. (you're going after him aren't you)

Sharp (w/Tony):

He'd had hope, when Tony hadn't fought him on staying behind to help with the clean up. Hope for what, he wasn't entirely sure, but there had been enough give in Stark's expression for Steve to recognize it as something. A step forward. The potential for some kind of meaningful conversation, when they weren't both in dire need of sleep and a hot shower. This, though, right here, wasn't a version of Tony ready to make any kind of peace. Judging from the brittle smile he was wearing, he was about as far from it as Steve had known him. Listing a little too heavily for comfort on the side that had forced him into bodily intervention to stop his pursuit of Bucky. Guilt curled inside him all over again. Steve's mouth pinched on one side. His jaw clenching beneath the beard he'd been sorely neglecting to shave for months now, long before he'd been recruited as an exile. "They aren't," he agrees, quiet. "I assigned myself." He was looking at Tony with the same face he used to make when they were trading verbal barbs on the helicarrier, eyes sharp. Brow furrowed. Concerned, despite everything, with the way his eyes dragged up and down his body, mentally cataloging any sign of obvious distress in the other man.

Sweet (w/Bucky):

Getting to set his hands gently on Bucky's hips, to use this new body of his, for something tender and sweet and the right side of aggressive. The good kind of pent up and wanting. There were so many landmines buried in their bodies, trigger words and old memories and the ghosts of other lovers that navigating the terrain was an act of belief, itself, the trust to be put somewhere, on a bed, against a wall, rolled over and on top of - it was knowing where that line was.

Home (w/Bucky):

It was all Steve wanted for the longest time. That idea of - that memory of - two sets of dishes in the sink. A life that rose and fell; that breathed to the rhythm the two of them set. It was what he'd longed for, once, to be impossibly closer; to somehow climb inside Bucky's chest and find his home there; snug against his heart. Cradled by the cage of his ribs. Safety had always been that muscle, beating steadily against his knobby spine at night; had been those arms curled around him. The funny part was - the funniest thing still was - that dream hadn't changed much, for the ways they had. Gotten bigger, grown older. Sometimes he'd look at Steve, part his lips and flash his teeth just like he was now and it was all he could do to breathe properly. He very nearly forgot how the way he would back then, stutter on a breath and erupt into a coughing fit, turn a watery eye on him accusingly as if somehow it was all his fault, the fact Steve's body had never quite worked right. That dream of having something real, that belonged only to the two of them that the rest of the world didn't get to touch - yeah, it was still there. It still kept time somewhere in his chest. His old, creaking heart still remembered how that beat went.

+ Bonus

Burden (w/Peggy):

He's been in rooms hushed by death, before. None of this is new, none of it should feel any different to the times that have come before it, the steps he's climbed; the doors he's walked through, the glass he's stood on one side of and stared past his own grim reflection into, to bodies, covered in sheets. It's been a hospital, it's been laid out on a stretcher, it's been suspended above a city. Steve Rogers isn't any stranger to loss, he's known it. Fought it, battled with it, inside a tenement in Brooklyn; for himself. For his mother. Even, once, not so long ago, for the woman in this room. The version he'd known the longest, who gave him comfort when by rights she should have kept her strength for herself; should have been beyond reaching for his hand; squeezing his fingers and hoarsely, gently, chastising him for keeping things to himself. (not every burden is yours to carry alone, my darling) The way he misses her is profound; longing seeped in acceptance. It's an old wound, one that's long since healed but still easily knocked, bruised; pressed on hard enough til it reinstates itself. It still flares like a struck match, when he stands in that doorway for a long moment before announcing himself. His hands empty of anything that seems remotely useful in a moment like this.

I'm not sure who hasn't done this one or would be interested, so if you're intrigued, here are some prompt words and go forth and write, my loves: ache, lost, belief, taste.

[frodopotter7]

The memories of Edwin Payne

(Or an interactive fanfiction)

Note: I had the headcanon that Edwin‘s notebook contains all his personal writing including the writings from his life as an Edwardian boy. So I wrote those entries in his notebook. Now this book is obviously all of Edwin‘s personal thoughts and I thought it would be fun to do a collaboration. So if you are a writer yourself or creative in any other way, feel free to use this entries as a starting point for another fanfiction. For example Charles finding the notebook and reading it or Crystal reading it or anything else. The only rule that I set is that you clearly mark my text and tag me, because first of all it was a lot of effort to write it and secondly I want to see what cool things you came up with. And if you don’t want to creatively interact with this fanfiction, then you can obviously just enjoy it by reading it.

Summary: Edwin Payne‘s most treasured item is his notebook, because it contains so much private information that no one else knows about him. Not even Charles. Including the struggles of a posh, gay, autistic Edwardian boy and his times before hell, in hell and shortly after hell.

Triggers: bullying, implied suicide, dolls

Shipping: Payneland, but you could also include other shipping in your part

The song that I thought of while writing:

One of Edwin’s most treasured objects was definitely his notebook. He had it all the time and he used it for every case they had. It meant a lot to him, since it was with him when he died. It was with him in hell and it was with him in his detective career. The reason why he never gave it to anyone, not even Charles, was that it had been with him even as a child. Well, back then he had several notebooks, but as he died every personal writing of his got transferred into it. The notebook always had enough pages and was still not getting thicker and his pen was always full of ink. And still even though it contained so many different notes, Edwin navigated through it without any problems. It was his own writing after all. His family sigil was carved into the black front cover and the word ‘Payne’ was written underneath it.

If anyone would open it and tried to start from the beginning, he would be greeted with Edwin’s signature under the printed words. ‘Family member:’ After that the handwriting would be harder to read. Scribbly, crossed out spelling mistakes and spilled ink from a little boy, who was writing for the first time. If you manage to identify the words it would read:

1905

Greetings,

my name is Edwin Payne. I am the only child of the family Payne. My father says, that mother wanted more children, but just failed every other time. You probably have heard about my family’s name. The family with the best lawyers of England. When I’m grown up, I will be a lawyer too. Lawyers are like detectives says my father. I like that. I like detectives.

My nanny told me to interact more with others. Why would I need to talk if there is no one to talk to anyways? My parents are often absent and my nanny is just not understanding me. My father says that I am too slow for my age. My motion skills too clumsy. My spoken words only contain information from detective books and I cannot properly respond to people yet. I know a lot of novels by heart though. Others just don’t seem to like talking about crimes as much as I do. Father sometimes lets me have a look in his older cases. They are interesting.

We visited a doctor again today, because of my slow development. We visit him quite often. Actually since I can remember. I don’t feel sick. He says there is nothing wrong with me. Still I know that something is wrong. I overreacted at loud noises. A lot of things stress me out.

1906

I haven’t writing about Cordelia Primrose Surname-von-Hovercraft. She is annoying, loud and a restless soul. She runs around the house and breaks rules just to get the attention. She is a bit younger than me, but that doesn’t justify her actions. I don’t like her. Although sometimes she be helpful. Like the time she stole the biscuit jar and gave me one of the special biscuits. They had to expel one of her nannies for this. But Cordelia had plenty nannies anyways. No one stays long with her. I had my nanny since I was born. I don’t like changes. Cordelia sometimes scares me with ghost stories. She says she would see them and that my fortune says that I will die a painful and early death. I don’t believe in this unscientific nonsense.

I take piano lessons now. It’s is fun. My mother seems to enjoy it. It is somehow the only way to get her attention for me.

Additionally to my regular private lessons I go to school now. Simon obviously needs to be in my class as well. I don’t like him. He bores me and he is too clingy. And sometimes he says mean things to me.

I had an outburst in class. Everything was just so loud and I was frustrated. The teacher hit my finger with the ruler and send me in the naughty corner. I don’t see why I get punished, when the other boys are clearly the distraction. Overall I am a good student. So it will probably not affect my grades.

My favorite subject is Latin and literature. I love books and translating old languages. It is like solving a code or a riddle. I don’t like maths, since it is all just numbers and no words.

1907

I had another outburst in class after Simon tried to touch me. He kept tapping my arm and I don’t like that. The teacher called a nurse, but I was too overwhelmed to respond to any of her questions to my health. I wanted to go home and I told her that again and again, but she didn’t understand. They called a priest. He said something in Latin. I think, it must have been biblical words. I tried to focus on translating them, but there was so much panic around me that I barely focused on anything. But I managed to calm myself after what felt like hours due to exhaustion.

My parents had a talk with the priest. He says that I am possessed by a demon. So now he straps me to a table and mumbled something in Latin again and again once a month or whatever I have an outburst. The robes around my wrist hurt. I am afraid. It is scary to know that there is something inside of me.

1908

I hate being possessed. Although I start to doubt that I have been in the first place. I did some research in the library and the real demonology books aren’t describing my symptoms. Even Cordelia, who usually always tells spooky stories, agrees with me. She said, if I was possessed she would have been the first one to know. She is a mystery to me.

1909

Today I saw a nice looking man across the street. I told my nanny that he looks like a basket full of oranges. My father uses that term a lot when he talks about young women, so I thought it is just a term to use if you think someone looks nice. She gasped and hit me lightly with the newspaper. It didn’t hurt but I didn’t understand what I was doing wrong. She told me that a man cannot say that to another man. I guess the saying is reserved for women then.

1910

I started to mask my uncomfortable feelings in public. It is difficult, but it helps. My parents and the priest both think that I am healed.

1911

I got called a Mary Ann for the first time. I asked my nanny and she started to mumble to herself how she must have failed. I told her that she did a really great job, since I would consider myself very well behaved and educated. She ignored me and told me to not tell my parents. How should I tell them if they are never there in the first place?

I did some research again, which mainly was asking Simon. I know, getting down on his level is a hard sacrifice. He told me that a Mary Ann is a boy who behaves like a girl and isn’t manly enough so they love other men. I thought about that for a long time. What is it about me that makes me a Mary Ann?

The writing in the book started to get better and appeared way more elegant. You could find little drawings here and there. Edwin was quite a good and realistic artist. Drawings of flowers, buildings, his nanny, his mother or Sherlock Holmes.

1912

Mother is constantly coughing loudly. It is irritating. Not even cocaine will help. They don’t let me in her room. They fear I would catch it too. Not that I was ever close to her before.

Mother is in a special hospital now. She took the train far away in a hospital in the mountains. No one ever returns from there. I know it. Everyone does. I will not see her again.

Mother died of tuberculosis. I miss her, I guess. I don’t know what I miss. It is a change. I hate changes.

1913

Father is sending me to a boarding school for boys. He says it’s for my education. I know, he just wants to get ride of me.

I hate the new school. Simon is here and people are still calling me a Mary Ann. Simon started to join them. I guess he sees it as a new opportunity to mock me.

I take fencing lessons now. It is nice, since it is not required any sort of touch with other boys. Nothing that I can be blamed for.

1914

I found a hideout in the school attic. It is a great place to read in peace.

The world has started a war. It worries me. They tell us that we are save in the school. But in the end all you can do is pray.

I came back home on Christmas. My nanny was gone. Father said they would be no need for her any longer, since I am in school now anyway. He looked like he knew something, but wasn’t going to tell me.

1915

The next page had some blood drops on its pages.

I want to go home. I want to be back in my room with my detective books. I want to be healed from this darkness inside of me. My nose is bleeding from another attack by the other boys. They started to get more violent now. Simon isn’t joining them, but he watches.

I came home on Christmas, but it wasn’t my home anymore. Just a house. My father didn’t speak a word. I asked him, if it was about the war and he looked up towards me. I could feel his cold gaze from across the table. He took out a letter and slammed it on the table. It was from my headteacher. I was confused. I am class best and the best behaved student in class? The only reason why I get to stand in the naughty corner is if I got caught reading in my comics or books. In my defense I am usually already finished with the exercises if I read in class. What could possibly be a problem with me? The letter was about the other boys calling me Mary Ann. And that they didn’t wanted a boy like that in their school. That I should stop whatever was wrong with me. My father told me in his absent voice, that he was not having a son like that either. He had exchanged letters with the headmaster for quite some time now and I didn’t seem to get better. I asked him that I had no idea. He interrupted me as always. Told me that the only way to make me a man would be to send me to war. I started to cry and he continued holding a speech about heroism and that his generation had understood this so much better than mine. I am too young for war, he knows that too. He told me that the only thing rescuing my life is my good grades. He sees potential in me as a lawyer. He has talked to the Surnames-von-Hovercrafts they agreed that I should marry their daughter as soon as possible. I mean I knew that I would be married to Cordelia one day, but not already when I turn 16. That’s only some months away.

As the train brought me back to the boarding school and as I saw my father standing in the doorway of the house with his usual expressionless face, I knew that this was the last time I would see him and that he wished to rather have no son than me. I just knew it.

1916

Simon stole my hat. I wouldn’t mention this minor form of his bullying, if it hadn’t been a special hat. My mother and I bought it, when her disease hadn’t been noticeable. It was too large back then, but it suits me now. Or rather suited. I don’t think I will see it again as Simon comes up with the best ways to either destroy or hide it. I cried about it. Childhood is over, but honestly I don’t think it ever started in the first place at least not for me.

The numbness is spreading inside my body. I think about the military and the forced marriage daily. I am too young for this. I cannot even properly cope in a classroom. How am I supposed to cope in the war? My hands are to soft. My brain is too precious. Please, spear me. They won’t. It is just a question of time.

I went to the lake today. It is spring and still fairly cold, but I went inside non the less. It was cold. Ice cold. I went under water and yelled out some poetic nonsense. I thought about staying under water. Turning into Ophelia. But I reminded myself, that this is something a coward would do. A Mary Ann. I would proof everyone’s suspicions as correct. Scared to live. Scared to die. I got out of the water. My gaze landed on my clothes and the letter. My father had written me that the marriage would be held in some days, since I am 16 now. I ripped the paper in half and tossed it into the ocean. Letting the water destroy the writing on the paper. Of course this would make nothing undone. I would still need to marry. I would still need to go into the military. I would still need to die. I am frightened. The other boys seem unbothered. They laugh and play like the world isn’t ending around us. Well, their world is probably not ending anyways. They will live. Their parents are rich after all. They have the privilege. I would have had this privilege as well, but they took it from me by putting this name on me. I took it from myself with my impure thoughts.

Cordelia sent me a telegram that just read that I would need to be careful as death was approaching me in the worst way. I hate her for that. As if I wouldn’t know that. As if I wouldn’t know that I needed to go into the army soon. Not a single word about our forced wedding. I thought we had always agreed to both be against it. But then again she isn’t even trying to love me. Not that I would try. Not anymore. I tried when I was younger, because I was told to. But Cordelia has just no idea how to react appropriately to a gentleman. Her behavior makes it hard to believe that she is from such a high rank.

I saw Simon with a weird book today. He told me it is from his brother and that it is about demons. I told him that this was total nonsense and that he should get a grip on reality. He didn’t spoke to me again after that. Weird for someone who is as annoying as him. I am going to put my notebook in the pocket of my sleeping clothes tonight just to make sure Simon cannot steal it. I have a bad feeling in my stomach. My heart is aching for absolutely no reasons. I am afraid as I try to sleep tonight and the worst thing is that it is irrational. I am going to die alone, this is all my head produces right now.

?

Now every page was covered with blood at the side of the pages and sometimes even on the writing itself. There were no drawings to be found anymore. Just drawings for the escape plan and hierarchy of hell.

I don’t know if my dates are correct. I don’t know how time works in here. I don’t even know how long I am able to write without this thing waking up. This thing with the many doll heads. This spider like creature that kills me every time I move or make a sound. I sometimes wonder what happened to the other boys.

I try to change my perspective. It is hard when you are in so much pain. My brain learned to be sharper now. I can think and act quicker. I need to see this as one of my old detective games or as the times that I had to run away from my bullies. Everything is achievable with logic. Although I would say after being in hell for such a long time that might be a delusional optimism.

1988

I think I made it out fairly well. I am still uncontrollably shaky when I hear any noises. I fear that this demon might comeback to get me. I am back in the old school attic where they strapped me down on the table and sacrificed me. I learned a lot from hell and from the books in the attic. Like the basic ghost rules or that my death and the death of my bullies were labeled an act of god. I compared hell to the war a lot. After all I would say that hell was definitely the worse death. Much longer torture than war would have been. In the war you die just one death after all. But maybe a Mary Ann like me would have ended up there anyway.

I finally was brave enough to get out of the attic. I figured out that the year is 1988 from a newspaper that one of the teachers was reading. 72 years of torture. I wonder how often I was torn apart in this time. But I shouldn’t think about that. That reminds me of the pain and of the times when I tried to count my own corpses. The school hasn’t changed a lot. The teachers are less violent, but still rather strict. They have more lower class people here now. I can see it by the ways they behave and by the clothes they wear. That is especially confusing for me. So rude, so explicit, so freely. It is not a boarding school anymore. Luckily that gives me the freedom to have my peace after dark.

I started to watch a specific boy. I am not a stalker. At least I wouldn’t use this therm for a ghost. He is just interesting for my scientific research about this time. The boy has a darker skin. Some children in this school have this skin and get picked on, but somehow he isn’t the one who gets pick on. He wears very interesting clothes. Especially the golden earring. Something I would just see a woman wear, but it fits him so much better than it could ever fit a woman. His clothing is mostly black, though I would say that the red shirt he once worn fits him best. His lips have always a smile on them and he cracks loud jokes. But I see the sadness in his eyes. I recognize my own sadness in his eyes. His name is Charles Rowland. I heard the teacher yell it at him. A little trouble maker in class. He seems to never be able to focus. Maybe he is also possessed like I was when I was a young boy. But after experiencing hell, I doubt that the priest back then had any idea what a demon was really like.

The following page is filled with a very realistic drawing of Charles, who is smiling so iconically and his eyes seem to be filled with emptiness and some smaller doodles of Charles playing Cricket or talking to others.

Charles Rowland. His name repeats itself in my brain. I am not obsessive. He is just the best way of distraction I can find in this school. Distraction from the fear of hell. The fear of death coming back for me. Analysis and observation keep me away from those horrible thoughts. I have less panicle outbursts since I started my observation of this boy. Although when I am alone at night in the school attic I often start to cry in silence and my breathing races again.

Charlie. That is what his friends call him. It doesn’t suit him. Charles is his name. Not Charlie. I don’t like his friends. They are rude. They remind me of the boys in my old life. I wonder why I like Charles then. Maybe because he points out obvious misbehavior of the group even if they mock him.

The most interesting time is when Charles thinks that he is alone. That is mostly in the dressing room, when he gets ready for Cricket. As a short notion he is a fabulous cricket player, but he always waits till the other boys have changed and are out of the room. He pretends to struggle with his shoes or shorts. Even if that sometimes means that it is getting really dark outside. His smiles fades completely then. I saw the scars on his body. I feel bad for even looking at him in that state. Seeing a boy my age without a shirt is clearly inappropriate and it triggers the Mary Ann inside of me, but sometimes my detective senses is taking over too much. Especially after I saw all the scars and bruises. You don’t need to be that clever to understand that his family probably his father beats him. Although beating may be a too mild verb for those scars. I appreciate the absence of my father when I see him. My father and teachers used to beat me as well. With a ruler or the flat hand though not as much as my classmates. And after being through hell, that all seems like nothing in comparison. But even in my time no father would have mistreated their sons like that. I speak from a higher class, maybe it had been different in the lower class, but they were happy if their sons made it through childhood without a disease or scars so they could work properly. Although maybe they did this with the child workers. Is Charles secretly a child worker? Is there still child labour? Why would someone bruise their son like that if their son could provide a great income for the family? Or how many things was Charles doing something seriously wrong?

1989

His friends talked about me last night. They had cricket practice until the sun had settled and on the way back home I heard them talking about a school ghost. The janitor must have heard my weeping last night. My hysteria yesterday was indeed a lot. Too much to handle for myself. I think I was shaking till dawn. This vivid fear must have crossed over into the living world. They told Charles, that this had scared the janitor and he quitted. Then they told him of Mary Ann who was sacrificed 1916 and killed all the boys that night. Charles questioned this logically, since it was an all boys school, so there probably was never a girl. I certainly appreciate his thinking, but this just triggered a lot in me. Being called a Mary Ann even after all this years. Being remembered only as a Mary Ann. Being blamed as the murderer. Those boys clearly had no idea of what the term Mary Ann actually meant, but it just triggered me so badly that I started to panic again. My panic must have bursted through the worlds again, because the boys suddenly turned white and ran home. Charles stayed a little longer. Looking in my direction. I know he couldn’t see me, but maybe he could sense my panic more than the other boys could. Again we are much a like if you observe closely. After this strange second of him just starting into nothing and me starting back, he ran away as well.

I need to leave this place. But I am too scared. Too scared of the outside world. Too scared of the changes.

I wanted to leave today, be brave enough. But I heard Charles ‘friends’ talking bad about him behind his back. How weird he behaved. They had no idea about his scars. Then again if I would be his friend, which is rather unlikely, I wouldn’t confront him. I know how horrible I panic if someone says the word Mary Ann, I imagine that it is a similar situation for him with his scars. I stayed. I don’t know why. Again irrational fears.

I wish I would have left. I saw Charles defending a boy who got bullied by his so called friends. I felt tears in my eyes, because this was the kind of protection I had wished for when I was alive. I definitely feel too many emotions at the moment or maybe it just feels like more emotions because I was mostly numb in hell. The younger boy could escape with only a few bruises, but his friends still were in this blood lust. In this moment of still wanting the fun even though there was nothing funny about the action in the first place. I have seen those faces before. The faces of murders who only realize their actions when it is too late. They stoned him in the cold water. The water of the lake in which I once thought about killing myself a long time ago. I wanted to help. I wanted to stop them, but I had no idea what I could do. I am too new in this ghostly body. I tried desperately, but I ended up only pausing them by holding them back for a short time. It gave Charles time to ran away to the school building. He hid in the attic. I wanted to help him. The least I could do was by giving him a light. He was in a state where a floating light probably was his least problem. It turned out that he could see me and that was the moment I knew it was too late for him anyway. It was a strange sensation to properly speak again. I had never spoken in hell and in my ghost form I had only weeped. Hearing my own voice was odd. I was shortly surprised that I still knew how to use my voice. Reading to him from one of my old comics in the attic calmed him and gave me the opportunity to adapt a bit to talking for a longer period of time. He stayed with me, which honestly stresses me out a lot. I am not made to be a friend. I have been isolated for too long to be a good friend. I have been in hell for so long that I am probably a horrible person myself. I haven’t talked in so long. I am just adapting to just have conversations, how should I teach him to be a ghost, if I haven’t figured it out myself? Even if that all would not be the case and even if we would not be from different times, still I never have been good with other people. I never had friends. The only person a bit close to me was Cordelia and she was always more a sister for me. And still he chooses a stranger his own afterlife. From my observations I would blame his intentional behavior. He sees something and does something without thinking long. Although this decision might be too big for only this explanation.

I really can’t understand why Charles is choosing me over his afterlife. I just read to him once and gave him a lantern. He barely knows me and now he follows me everywhere. I showed him some ghost tricks and somehow I can really impress him by everything I say or do. But he made me smile for the first time in my life. So I am impressed by him as well. Whenever I read in this book, I just tell him that I like to keep record of things. That I would plan were we can go next as we no longer can stay in the school and waking around without plan is never good for too long. It is partly a lie I really am making a plan. But I do this in my head rather than writing it down, but it is an excuse for not letting him see my private writing. I tell him that it is rather boring planning and he believes me. I feel bad for lying to him, but if he would know about my past he surely would leave me and I would be all alone again.

We mirror traveled together to London. Charles felt a bit sick after it. He seems to still need to adapt to his ghost body. I was a bit overwhelmed with his sudden mood shift. I have been too selfish all my life and in my death so much that I don’t know how to help. He didn’t notice or he just didn’t say anything. But we had to mirror travel, it was too dangerous in the school after Charles died. Besides Charles is a talented and athletic boy, he will get the grip of it. In addition death could have caught me in the attic. I didn’t tell him why I am on the run. Not yet. I fear that once I tell him that I was in hell, he will think I am evil. Maybe that is true. Maybe I am just doomed. I feel like it was my fault that he died. I watched him so long with this incorrect feelings of mine. Maybe this cursed him like in a Greek tragedy. For now I just want to make sure that Charles is not alone. I had been alone for too long to know how dreadful it can get and he is much more social than I am.

We visited his family in London. A real rural area. His mother was crying over the loss of her son. His father just seemed to see it as a natural thing to happen to those who aren’t careful enough. I made a mental note to haunt this man every year to Charles’ death day without telling Charles. The school, once again, swept the problem under the carpet and made it appear like an accident. How can someone possibly stone himself while being in the water and then run in an attic? No clever detective would see that as the solution. I said that out loud and it turned out that Charles and I both share a passion for detective stories. That was something to make him smile. But he started to cry again as he saw how desperate his mother and sister were. He hugged me, which was a lot. I never have been hugged before and at first it felt like this demon from hell was gripping around me again. I froze in place and pushed him away in a reflex. Charles stopped. I didn’t tell him about the hell part, but I told him that I am not used to hugs and touches in general. He took it in surprisingly well, but for his own sake I added that I might could get used to it. I hope that I am able to get used to it. Charles sees it as something that he can teach me.

It was just a matter of time till my hell trauma wouldn’t be able to keep hidden anymore. We were in an abandoned apartment, since we both are not staying out the whole night. We don’t have to sleep but it is just too awkward. He usually talks through the whole night and I like his voice even with his weird way of talking. He likes me reading to him. He even carries all my books for me. But as we explored the abandoned house, I discovered an old doll. I overreacted I know. But there was just so much panic inside of me all of the sudden. My fight or flight mood was activated again. I don’t know what Charles did. I don’t know how he managed to stop me from repeating the word ‘Please spare me. I don’t belong in hell.’ I vaguely remember his hands securely holding my head and his shining dark eyes and his calm voice, but I don’t remember his words. He was confused by my sudden changed behavior, but he tried to not show that whole calming me. Once he had calmed me, I obviously had to tell him the truth. I gave him the opportunity to leave me again, but he stayed and he understood, said that this is probably the worst thing someone could have been through. We didn’t speak the rest of the night, but we continued the next day as if nothing had happened.

It is harder to continue my writing as Charles could find out and I don’t want him to know about this. He is so lively. He is jumping and sprinting around, while telling me things and just appears from behind. I cannot risk that. We have a detective agency now. We don’t want that others have their deaths so badly twisted as ours. Another reason was that he had introduced me to a game called Clue, which is basically a detective game, and then we both came up with the idea of starting our own detective agency. He is the brawn and I am the brain. It fits perfectly. We even managed to get a abandoned flat in London. I probably have no time to continue this memoirs, but I will make sure to use my notebook as a case lock book from now own.

I will never tell him about the real meaning of the word Mary Ann. I will never tell him that I had been in the school for a whole year and not just shortly before his death. I will never tell him that I have watched and observed him. I appreciate him now too much. I don’t ever want to lose him.

After that only a whole lot of cases and notes and questions on them followed.

[writerblue275]

(Best)FWB!Ezreal Headcanons (18+)

Inspiration: This was one of the of ideas that got me to start this account lol. I’m also in the process of writing a fic based on this idea and it would be so much easier to just reference this post in the header rather than explain everything in the prose.

Champion: Ezreal (like Pilty!Ezreal/Explorer!Ezreal)

Genre: Headcanon

Category: TINIEST amount of angst but primarily FLUFF and SMUT - I mean what were you expecting. We're talking about best friends with benefits here. Typically the benefits are of an adult nature. 18+ ONLY. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

Length: This is a looooong one, friends. In my defense, I'm using this headcanon as world-building/background information for at least 1 future fic (It's quickly turning into multiple parts lmao).

Gender: Fem!Reader/reader who is fem presenting? Ahhhh even my non-binary ass doesn't know how to describe this...mention of dresses and stuff.

TW: Adult themes. Friends with benefits, reference to adult activities and kinks. For example: semi-public petting or Dom/sub dynamics. Slight mention of what (probably) happened to his parents and the emotional fallout of that. Mention of alcohol (always drink responsibly y’all). Swearing (as per usual).

Important context: I know game Ez’s age is a bit debated, though generally agreed on somewhere in early to early-mid-20s. For adult Ez in this, let’s say he’s like 23-24? Also Indiana Jones exists in this universe because DAMNIT I WANT TO CALL HIM INDIANA JONES AS A NICKNAME.

SFW

Your father is a history professor at the academy who knows/works with Ezreal’s uncle, Professor Lymere, and who often collaborated with Ez’s parents before they disappeared. Archeology and history go hand-in-hand, after all.

These collaborations led to you and Ezreal being together often as kids since you were around the same age, and a close friendship developed.

To the point of casual physical affection (hugs, hand holding, occasional cuddles) and silly nicknames for each other. He calls you princess, you call him…idiot mostly. (Jk…kinda.) You’ve called him Indiana Jones for forever since he was just as fascinated about archeology/artifacts as his parents.

You have called him an idiot many times though, especially when he’s been extremely rash and reckless.

At various points in your friendship, people have seen the two of you and assumed you had to be dating. It’s hysterical to both of you.

“Me dating Ezreal?! Nah, he’s just my best friend.”

“(Y/N)?? Absolutely not. We’re just best friends.”

You’re one of the few people who can humble Ezreal, a specialty of yours since early on in your friendship.

You: *In your father’s office studying while he teaches a lecture to one of his classes in a nearby lecture hall*

Ez: *Runs into the office, breathlessly laughing as he leans against the now closed door, holding a toupee*

You: *Eyebrows raise* Whatcha got there, Ez?

Ez: *grins* One of the campus warden’s toupees!

You: *Stares at him for a second and sighs* You’re a moron….*goes back to studying*

After his parents’ disappearance, you were understandably worried for Ezreal. You watched as your best friend struggled through the stages of grief, and even worse, stalled before he could get to the acceptance stage of what most likely happened.

You were always there to listen when he needed an ear. Even more importantly you tried to serve as a voice of reason once Ez started planning his own expedition to find the final resting place of Ne’Zuk.

You never said anything to completely dissuade him, because you wanted him to follow his heart and his dreams, but you couldn’t help but worry. With what likely happened to his parents, you were utterly terrified he wouldn’t come back, especially considering his stubbornness, his recklessness, and his age. Losing your best friend was a thought you just couldn’t stomach.

Only you knew about his plan to sneak onto a supply ship bound for Nashramae. You sent him off in the middle of the night with a giant hug and a “Be safe, Indiana Jones. You better come back alive…Write when you can…”

After a second he pulled back from the hug, gave you a signature Ez smirk, and said, “You know me well enough to know I’ll be fine, princess…”

Once he did set off, you had to convincingly act as though you didn’t know where he went. It was difficult, especially seeing how distraught his uncle was once he read Ez’s note, but your loyalty was to your friend.

It was torment waiting for any sort of news. Ez wasn’t exactly going to the most populated areas.

Thankfully, he did eventually return, excited to show off his new gauntlet, using it often to flash behind you and scare you.

“Ez, I swear if you keep scaring me, I cannot be held responsible for any damage to your stupid handsome face.”

*Smirk* “Handsome eh?”

“…Shut up…f-forget I said anything…the last thing you need is an inflated ego.”

But he didn’t forget.

Over the years as he gained notoriety and fame from his adventures, you were one of the few people who didn’t treat him any differently from how you had in the past.

As much as his ego craved the validation and fame, hoping they’d be enough to draw his parents back (god damn this man needs HELLA therapy), having someone who just treated him as Ezreal, not as the prodigal explorer, was really nice…

Once he was a little older, when he started getting invites to parties and banquets to talk about his adventures, you became his go-to date.

As he told you, “It’s just easier than dealing with the rabid fans. Also you’re good-looking, and I need someone with me that helps make me look good.”

That earned him a sarcastic eye roll and “Thanks, I guess?” from you.

With the fame and scale of his adventures, Ez collected a decent amount of wealth on top of what his family already had. As thanks for being his go-to plus-one, he’d always take care of the cost of your clothes and accessories for these events, sometimes even buying outfits for you himself; things that he thought would look good on you. He has shockingly good taste and understands your sense of style very well. (SUGAR DADDY FRIEND EZ, ANYONE?)

It was about a year and a half ago that things in your friendship changed. He’d been gone almost 3-months chasing a particularly legendary relic rumored to be surrounded by an incredible number of traps that were said to be impassable.

“Impassable” is Ez’s specialty, as you know.

Of course, his exuberant return made him a popular invite to all the parties. Everyone wanted to hear the tales of Piltover’s prodigal explorer.

You were just fucking relieved to have your best friend home, alive, and in one piece.

NSFW

It was after one of these fancy parties when things popped off. There’d been an open bar during the dancing portion of the evening. Both of you were tipsy. Both of you were giggly. Ez gave you a piggy back ride home since you decided to kick off your incredibly uncomfortable heels the second you stepped outside. (What a gentleman.)

Once you arrived at your apartment, you invited him to stay the night as he always did since it was so late. Of course he agreed, grabbing the extra set of comfy clothes he stashed there for such situations and going to change while you prepared the couch for your usual post-event chats, setting up, pillows, blankets, snacks, and water.

As he came out of the hallway to the living room where you were, you could feel his gaze glued to you as you bent down to prep some things*

You: *blushing a little and not looking up at him* “Yes?”

Ez: *smirks* I thought that dress would look incredible on you, and I was right….you look even sexier than usual…

You looked up at him with wide eyes, your cheeks DEFINITELY pinker as your mind took a second to register what he said* “You thought about how I’d look in this? W-wait…you think I’m sexy?”

He just grinned and shrugged his shoulders. “Of course I did and of course I do. I’ve told you before that you’re good looking. Do you remember when you accidentally blurted out that I was handsome? Do you still think I am?”

You weren’t sure if it was the alcohol or your curiosity about the direction of this conversation that had you saying, “Yes I do. I’ve thought that for a long time. But, I don’t understand why that matters? You’re my best friend, Ezreal, and to be honest, dating you sounds like a nightmare. I already worry enough about you when you’re on your expeditions. Adding deeper feelings into that sounds like a one-way express ticket to driving myself insane.”

Ez chuckled, “Who said anything about dating or deeper feelings? Feelings are the last thing I need in my life (again THERAPY, MY GUY). But, the way I see it, I’m physically attracted to you, you’re physically attracted to me, neither of us want feelings involved beyond what our friendship is now….that sounds like an arrangement that is mutually beneficial…”

You straightened up and folded your arms together as you contemplate his words. “So like a…friends with benefits sort of thing?”

Ez grinned. “More like best friends with benefits, but yes. I have needs. I’m assuming based on the fact that you’re currently not seeing anyone either that you also have needs. We’ve helped each other out with problems many times….why not help each other with this one?”

Ok, but why was he making so much sense??

He was also right. You’d been going through a hell of a dry spell as of late. And hey, when it comes to people, you trust Ezreal more than anyone else. You’d also be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t find him extremely attractive. All of these reasons pinged around your mind until finally…

“Yes…ok…yes….tonight can serve as a test of sorts…but I’m not finalizing anything until tomorrow morning when both of us are stone cold sober. I have conditions, but they don’t apply at the moment. Got it?”

His response was an frantic nod and an eager “Got it,” as he stepped closer and reached for your waist to pull you to him.

Your response was to turn around and move your hair to the side. “Ah ah ah. First help me with my zipper…then show me what you can do, pretty boy…”

And BOY DID HE. Quite honestly he blew your mind (and your back out 😉). But we’ll get to that later on.

The important conversation happened the next morning after you two woke up tangled with each other.

Ez sat up and stretched, and you couldn’t help it as you sleepily reached over and gently ran your fingers along his abs.

He gave you a sleepy smirk and eyebrow raise before murmuring, “Already want another round, princess?”

This resulted in you pinching him before you also pulled yourself up, not even caring that he was baldly admiring you as you stretched. “I tentatively agree to this arrangement, Ez, but I want to talk about limits/conditions. Let’s talk as we get breakfast ready…”

Your conditions: 1. While this arrangement is in place, he’s not sleeping with anyone else and that includes on expeditions. You don’t want the chance for any sort of disease. 2. If either of you falls for another person, the arrangement needs to end (obviously you two would talk about it so the other knows what’s going on). 3. This can’t fuck up your friendship. Even if things physically end, your friendship needs to remain intact. You don’t want to lose your best friend. 4. No falling in love with each other.

Ez easily agreed to your terms and laid out his own: 1. He’ll see you when he gets home from expeditions and while he’s in Piltover. 2. If he’s not sleeping with anyone else, he hopes you won’t either. 3. He wants you to take care of yourself mentally (a bit ironic), physically, and emotionally, especially while he’s gone. (He won’t admit it, but when he’s on his explorations, he thinks/worries about you often and wonders if you’re doing alright.) 4. He wants to continue to buy you gifts and clothes, and he also wants to start including lingerie in said gifts if you tell him your sizes and style preferences.

The last one surprised you. “Lingerie? Why? That seems pretty intimate for fuck buddies. I certainly don’t expect such gifts from you.”

He was unfazed, instead just grinning and chuckling at the surprise on your face. “Believe it or not, it’s almost more for me than you. Undressing you will be like unwrapping my own present.”

Strangely enough you couldn’t find any fault with that logic.

You agreed to all his terms, and the two of you did a little hand shake to finalize things. A strangely small gesture to seal a massive change in your friendship.

(*Clears throat*) And now for the important part…

Definitely NSFW - AKA How is Ez as a FWB?

With an ego like his, you might think Ez is a selfish lover.

And you know what, maybe to start he is, but you shut that shit down IMMEDIATELY. Remember, you’re one of the only ones who can humble this man.

Once you make it clear that this arrangement will not be one-sided in pleasure if he wants it to continue, he makes sure to act RIGHT.

Like he really makes sure to blow your back out every single time (hell yeah go you).

A large part of his initial “selfishness” is hesitance. You two have known each other forever, but certainly not in this way. You telling him off? Honestly it reminds him that this is still you, his best friend, who he knows better than just about anyone. He is just learning about another side of you.

That is a confidence boost to him and banishes any insecurities he has.

(Unlike Heartsteel Ez who I see very primarily as a sub) Ez is a true switch maybe even leaning a little dom.

Whatever you need him to be, he can be.

Ezreal can be VERY PLAYFUL. Your normal friendship is filled with laughter and teasing, and your friendship in the bedroom is no different.

That doesn’t mean he can’t be serious though, he absolutely can be.

He’s the extremely teasing type, expertly working you up with just a couple touches in public or private and then making you wait.

For example, at those fancy dinners you go to with him? If anyone bothers to look under the tablecloth they'll see his hand on you, thumb tracing shapes into the fabric of your dress high up on your thigh, while he casually recounts the harrowing details of his adventures.

There you are, just sitting there trying to keep a straight face and not blush. He does it often enough you think you’d be used to it by now but NOPE.

You’re really glad no one expects you to tell any stories at those things because every time his hand creeps onto your thigh, your brain short circuits a little bit. Trying to tell a story or hold more than a passing conversation would be incredibly difficult.

And he KNOWS IT TOO. Once he’s not speaking, he always looks over at you and gives you a little smirk.

And if you do the same to him when he’s not telling stories? He will not stop leaning over and softly complaining in your ear.

You take great pleasure in whispering in his ear, “Can’t handle what you dish out? This is what you get, you teasing fuck.” (Or something similar lol.) Then you pass everything off as normal with a very quick, friendly, and casual kiss on the cheek which makes HIS brain short circuit a little bit.

Very touchy and LOUD in bed, especially when you’re on top. To the point you have had to cover his mouth with your hand and threaten to STOP riding him if he doesn’t get himself together and be quieter. He knows damn well how thin apartment walls in Piltover are.

Eventually you just gag him with something, because let’s be honest, it’s an empty threat. You definitely DON’T want to stop and he’s well aware of that.

When he’s on top though, Ez intentionally will do things that cause your sounds to get louder, making no attempts to quiet you. Instead he just smirks down at you and whispers in your ear, “Is that all you’ve got, princess? I know you can get louder than that…don’t hold back for me…”

Don’t be afraid to mark him. Feeling your nails dig into his shoulders/back or feeling you mark his collarbone with hickeys drives him absolutely wild.

Very very VERY good at dirty talk. His wit and sass translate extremely well to more intimate contexts. And when you dirty talk right back at him? He loves it when you’re just as playful as he is. His favorite is when you murmur something filthy in his ear and follow it up with a playful little nip somewhere.

Loves tying you up and loves being tied up, as well as using blindfolds.

Not the most attentive with aftercare, but hey, your arrangement isn’t romantic so you don’t mind. He at least stays the night/for breakfast and cuddles you which is honestly more than you thought he’d do.

It might be a bit inconsistent concerning WHEN you see Ezreal since who knows when he’ll come back from his expeditions, but whenever he is in Piltover, the two of you certainly have a good time. Besides, it’s good to know your best friend is home safe…at least until he sets off on another adventure.

Thank you for reading!! Omg I had so much fun with this one. And I’m already enjoying writing the associated fic. It was literally just supposed to be a one-shot and now there’s absolutely going to be multiple parts, so keep an eye out for that!

[riality-check]

daisy jones-adjacent. probably one part left after this, if all goes well. part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 in case you missed them. tw substance abuse & alcoholism. yeehaw.

ao3

Steve doesn't kick them out, but the band silently makes the decision to crash at his place less often. Eddie didn't tell them what happened; they just knew. It's always been like that with them. Always in sync. Eddie is so glad he hasn't lost that with them.

He is, inexplicably, terrified of losing Steve.

He shouldn't be. He hasn't known him for very long at all. they fight like hell half the time. He smokes more when he's around him because being near Steve means being near the things Eddie swears not to touch again.

It hasn't been very long at all, but Eddie knows him. Knows what he likes and doesn't like, knows how to get under his skin and how to make him laugh that laugh of his. Knows that didn't write or play or sing half as well as he did before Steve.

He knows that he'll keep sharing a mic with him. Even when there are extras. even when there's no reason to. Even when he can start smelling alcohol on Steve's breath.

Eddie is terrified of losing Steve. It's getting harder and harder to be around him.

He wants to say that he only sees himself in Steve, but that would be a lie. Eddie can't ignore the obvious similarities, but part of the reason he did what he did was to get away from himself, from the fear of being inadequate. And sure, Steve is running from something that terrifies him so bad he can't sleep and wakes up screaming other people's names when he does.

But Eddie finds himself running to Steve, and that's dangerous.

They record the album over shared mics and frequent cigarette breaks and laughter and the collaboration of young, talented people with young, smart management making fantastic art.

And then they do the article with Rolling Stone.

It's written by Nancy Wheeler. Eddie loves working with her. She's brilliant and asks unconventional interview questions. She's also, apparently, Steve's friend.

Same with the photographer, Jonathan Byers. He's Nancy's boyfriend, her working partner, and, apparently, also Steve's friend.

Eddie wonders where they've been while Steve has gotten like this before he reminds himself just how unfair of a question that is to ask.

It's clear they're trying. Nancy pulls Steve aside at one point. Eddie watches them argue, hears the name "Robin" get thrown around along with "you need to talk to her" and "I don't want her to come all the way out here."

Eddie, for once, decides to mind his business.

He has to admit that the way Steve can pull himself together for this is amazing. He's almost perfectly coherent in the interview, and he looks almost sober while they're taking the pictures.

Eddie watches him bring his hand to his mouth three times during the whole thing.

He wonders what he's taking. He nearly asks for some.

He sees Nancy watching, too. If she's a good friend, she won't write about that. Or maybe she will.

Eddie doesn't know what a good friend is supposed to do in this situation. He just knows what he has to do, and that's not think about it.

He's smoking more. Chrissy doesn't even comment on it.

He wonders if this is one of those things only he notices because of his personal experience or if it's just an open secret. He doesn't know which would be better.

The article comes out a week later and drums up good press for the album, which is released a week after that.

But what really steals the show is The Picture.

There are a few pictures set within the pages of the article, but only one is The Picture.

All of them are lined up in front of a road, backs to the beach. Steve is in the middle with Jeff on one side of him and Eddie on the other, Gareth and Archie on the ends of their little line.

And it is incredibly obvious that there is something different between Steve and Eddie than there is between anyone else.

People are going to talk, which is good. People are going to talk, which is dangerous.

Eddie wishes he had Chrissy's "all press is good press" mentality.

But by the time he really, truly starts to worry about it, it's been weeks since he's been with Steve outside of any professional setting and time for tour.

Eddie is fucking terrified of tour. The rules make it easier:

Don't go to the after parties.

Don't stay on the bus.

Don't accept anything from fans.

Call someone.

Buy your own damn cigarettes.

The rules should help. Eddie thinks Steve could blow them up like he's already blown up his expectations and creative process.

Tour starts off fine. The bus is like it always is - lively and full of chatter. The fans are like they always are - fiercely supportive and screaming for more. The music is like it's always been - only much, much better this time around.

And Steve is high every time he goes out onstage.

It's fine, really. He's not nearly as bad as Eddie used to be. He isn't forgetting words, and he still sounds good, so it's fine. He's functional.

Eddie doesn't think anyone else notices. Steve covers it up so well that Eddie can only recognize the signs from personal experience.

He makes sure he doesn't spend any time with Steve offstage. It doesn't matter that Steve looks wounded every time Eddie makes an excuse to go somewhere else.

He calls Wayne more often. He walks around the cities they perform in, saying hello to the people who recognize him and politely refusing their offers to buy him drinks.

Anything is better than the possibility of Steve taking something in front of him or offering Eddie a drink. Because if it's Steve offering, Eddie won't say no.

That's terrifying. It's dangerous.

But it's fine. Eddie is doing what he's supposed to do. He's coping. He's dealing with it and not making anyone else walk on eggshells around him.

And then they get to Chicago.

Eddie loves Chicago. It's not his favorite city - that's a tie between St. Louis and Phoenix - but it's definitely up there. It's got good energy and enthusiastic fans and great sights.

After their first night there, Eddie walks around the city until he's tired enough to go to sleep. He gets back to the hotel at 3 AM.

Fifteen minutes later, someone knocks on his door.

And, like an idiot, Eddie answers it in pajamas.

Steve is outside. Swaying back and forth. Smiling. And holding a bottle of vodka.

Eddie wants some.

No the fuck he doesn't.

"This isn't your room," he says, trying to keep quiet. Trying to tear his eyes away from the bottle.

Just a sip.

No.

"Sorry," Steve slurs. "Lost my key. Couldn't remember."

Like a bigger idiot, Eddie sighs and lets him in.

He helps Steve set the bottle down on the dresser. Gets him to his bed without falling over and waking up Jeff. Helps take off his shoes.

Knows from experience that if Steve is this sloshed and still standing, he's probably blacked out.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" Eddie mutters.

Steve Harrington should have everything. He has a fantastic career, ample talent, adoring fans, friends, and a boatload of money. He should be happy.

Instead, he's wasting the cash and his life.

"Figured out if I drink enough, I don't have nightmares," Steve says. "Didn't want to wake anyone else up on tour."

Eddie stops where he's untying Steve's shoe. "What do you have nightmares about?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me," he says, standing up.

Steve makes direct eye contact and says, slurred together, "A monster came out of the walls at Jonathan Byers's house. I helped him and Nancy Wheeler kill it. Next year, it came back. Will Byers got possessed, they built tunnels under the town, and I had to kill more monsters to protect some kids after I got the shit beat out of me. That summer, I got kidnapped and tortured with Robin."

Eddie just. Stares.

"I think I just broke all my NDAs," Steve mumbles.

What. The. Fuck.

When Eddie can form words again, he says, "Steve, you're drunk."

"I am. But I'm not a liar."

Eddie doesn't know what to say, and he's sure it's written clear all over his face.

What the hell.

"Told you you wouldn't believe me," Steve says. He takes off his shirt and lays on his side, on top of the covers, facing away from Eddie.

Yeah. Guess that conversation is over.

So, Eddie turns away and immediately spots the bottle of vodka, right where he left it on top of the dresser.

Before he can stop himself, he picks it up.

It's open. He doesn't take a sip, but he can smell it. He stands there and holds it and knows that if he moves his arm, it won't be to put it down.

Eddie hasn't held a bottle in two years.

He can't put it down.

Just a sip.

No.

Like an asshole, he walks a few feet and turns on a lamp to wake up Jeff.

"What the hell?" he mumbles.

Steve, meanwhile, has already started to snore.

Eddie can't find any words.

"Oh, shit," Jeff says, sitting up. "Eddie, you didn't-"

"I didn't," he says. "I promise I didn't. I can't put it down."

Jeff frowns, confused.

"I can't put it down," Eddie whispers desperately.

"Okay," Jeff says.

And without saying anything else, he gets up, takes the bottle, and goes to the bathroom.

Eddie closes his eyes and tries to breathe as he hears it go down the drain.

What a waste.

No.

It's fine. He's sober. He's fine.

Jeff comes back after a few seconds. There wasn't that much left. He looks over at the other bed, the bed that's supposed to be Eddie's, and sighs. "You can share with me."

Eddie shakes his head. "It's fine. I'll make sure he doesn't... I'll make sure he's safe."

"He's not good for you."

"I know. But I'll be okay."

"We want him out," Jeff says.

"What?"

Jeff rubs his eyes. It's 3:30 AM. "We've been talking. He's hurting you, Eddie."

"We're the best we've ever been."

"At what cost?"

"Where would we be if you did that to me?" Eddie demands. "If you threw me out at my lowest?"

Jeff sighs again.

"End of the tour," Eddie says. "Let's get through this."

"We'll talk about it in the morning."

"But-"

"I'm tired, Eddie," Jeff says, already getting back in bed. "Morning."

Eddie swallows his words back and nods. This is a morning conversation.

He gets into bed, under the covers next to Steve, and falls asleep quick.

When he wakes up for the first time, Steve's arms are around him. When he wakes up for good, the bed is cold and empty.

He tries not to feel too disappointed.

Everything Eddie has a tendency to love fits one of two criteria:

It hurts him.

It's unattainable.

It's too damn bad that Steve is both.

[pkmnirlevents]

How do you go about getting ideas for arcs? I’m struggling to figure out what I want to do with my character :(

Great question! This happens to be one of my absolute favorite parts of writing and pkmn irl itself. I've always been more of an ideas guy myself. I hope you don't mind but I decided to turn this into a bit of an overall tutorial for planning and writing arcs. Feel free to ask for any specifics because I could delve into my personal process for arc brainstorming, but I was admittedly writing this before getting ready for work and this post was getting kinda long haha

Knowing where to draw inspiration from can be a good place to start. It's wonderful to be inspired by music, a movie or tv show, a book, or even other people in the community and their writing. Ask yourself what elements of that thing draw you in. What do you like? What would you maybe do differently? I must mention though to be respectful of the work other blogs have put into their writing. Being inspired is a wonderful thing, lifting exact details or passages is not. If you're unsure, there's no harm is asking!

The most helpful thing I can tell you right off the bat is that you want to find out how to brainstorm. In schools they'll often try to teach you ways of brainstorming and outlining to structure your essay writing, if you're lucky they might even mention that there are multiple ways you can do this. The ones in school never worked for me personally, so for a long time I assumed brainstorming and outlining was a complete waste of my time and would launch straight into my writing drafts. But as I wanted to write more complex things and I wanted to indulge in more creative writing, I found myself getting stuck all the time. The truth is brainstorming is a helpful tool, but you have to know what type of brainstorming works best for you. Flowcharts, bullet points, stream of consciousness, word clouds, moodboards, drawings, whatever it is that gets your creative juices flowing. In my experience it works best to remember that not every one of these elements will make it into the final arc. You want to get your ideas down first and trim the excess later. I personally pay for a program (Milanote) that allows me to brainstorm in the methods that work best for me, but by no means do you have to pay for a program to do this. Pen and paper works just fine.

The next thing you wanna do is establish what you want your arc to do. Not every arc has to be a grand character development, but all arcs do something. No matter how small that something may be, something has to change as a result. Maybe your character meets a new person, obtains a new Pokemon, gets a new scar and a story to tell their friends, or maybe all they got was a t-shirt. If you already had a loose concept for your arc this can help you hone it. You can start asking yourself, "how does my character reach this point?" and work up to that. Map out what you think your character would do when dropped into a particular situation. This can also help you to establish the tone you want your arc to take. Is it silly and lighthearted or is it more serious and high stakes? Refer to the stakes tag post about proper tagging.

It can help to conceptualize your arc as a series of events rather than a single event. This allows you to understand how many posts you may need to split the arc up into, how much time the arc may take, or other hard to sort details.

These things ramp up when you start to incorporate more people into your arcs. Planning with your fellow writers is extremely important and that requires a lot of communication. Some writers prefer to do what we call pre-writing, which is typically you and the other writers get together and write out the posts in advance. This gives people the chance to look over each other's writing and make edits before the posts go live. Planning discords are useful for keeping things organized, but google docs or other collaborative writing programs can work just as well if those better suit your needs. Organize who is posting what and generally at what time, especially if the post involves other people's characters.

Remember all of this is for fun! These are not hard rules you need to follow. You should not force yourself to write things you do not like for the sake of others or for an imagined audience. Write what you want to write.

[imagobin]

🐲Grandpa Zeno HCs🐲

Because Zeno is unironically one of my favorite HxH characters, idk why, this grandpa's vibes are immaculate. So I tried imagining how it'd be like to be his grandkid! Don't judge me fhgjkd I know I got requests to work on but I need to write some sillies for me as well çwç

A new Zoldyck is born:

Zeno prides himself on being a cold blooded assassin, laser focused on his job, but old age has definitely mellowed him out a little when it comes to his daily life.

He's definitely a lot less strict with his grandkids than he was with his own son, just like any old man. Though he has a tendency to play favorites even among his beloved family.

The day you were born, he took one look at you and knew from that moment that you were definitely going to be one of his favorites. Just that peculiar glint in your eyes was enough to activate his caring grandpa side.

Even Silva and Kikyo were surprised at how his personality seemed to flip every time he got to hold you as a baby... it was an odd, but sort of sweet sight to see Zeno behave like an actual grandpa, bouncing you on his knees or telling you stories from his younger days.

Of course, that's not all he ever did. He's a Zoldyck, and his idea of 'fun with his grandchild' went on to include flying on a dragon's back, teaching you what each torture tool does, and showing you where human weak points are. Even when you were a toddler, he was already thinking of useful things you had to know in order to grow up and be a fine Zoldyck.

Once you were old enough to start going on missions, he'd also reward you for your success, way more than your parents ever did. He'd call you to him, and would sneakily place a piece of candy and a couple bills in your hand and gently close your fist, telling you to buy whatever you wanted with that.

In your free time:

Nowadays, grandpa Zeno is a bit more focused on Killua, but you're still his second favorite at least. Naturally, because of your strength, but also because you actually listen to him and not just dismiss him like the other family members do.

You're often busy going on missions, on your own or with your siblings, but whenever you're actually home, he often asks you to get tea with him.

He has a tendency to start rambling about the "good ol' days", talking about his most iconic missions and showing you pictures of past family members.

He may still be a sharp assassin, but his memory isn't as sharp as it used to be, so sometimes he might tell you an anecdote he's already told you. If you bring it up he'll get a little embarrassed and apologize. "Ah... did I tell you already? My bad, my bad"

He tries not to let it get to him, and he definitely wouldn't tell you, but he genuinely hopes that doesn't annoy you, because it's rare to have someone who seems to genuinely enjoy listening to him.

He doesn't go out of the house too much, but when he does, sometimes he asks you to accompany him, not for any reason in particular, he just wants some company while he's out and about, and he finds the butlers quite boring.

Collaborative effort:

Grandpa Zeno doesn't take on many missions unless they're of the utmost difficulty, and he usually teams up with his son, Silva, since they're the two most experienced Zoldycks.

But he's not beyond making an exception. He recognizes your abilities as phenomenal, and compared to some of your other siblings, you're also a great team player, quick to react and synchronize with anyone you're working with. So there have been some rare times, where he's asked you to come on a mission with him.

Seeing your grandfather fight, really makes you understand why he's so feared. Despite his age and smaller build, you would NEVER want to find yourself against him. He attacks with precision and no hesitation whatsoever, like a true veteran.

If there's one frustrating thing about him, is that he's stubborn. He always wants to be the one who gets to do most of the fighting, while you're stuck on support duty.

At first, you believed it was because he didn't trust you to be strong enough, but as it turns out, it's because he enjoys fighting that much. It's not even about the kill, he gets no satisfaction from killing, he's just always looking for a good fight.

He's an old, powerful man, you figure there's not many people in the world who can surpass his strength... he's always looking for a worthy opponent.

The few times he's taken you on a mission with him, it's always been very nostalgic, because after you succeed, he always insists on going to nearby cafes, as if nothing happened, and even though by now you have your own money, he still has that old habit of putting a couple bills in your hand, to go and order whatever you want at the counter.

[divinekangaroo]

Thanks @palmviolet for tagging me!

How many works do you have on AO3? 154

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 900k

3. What fandoms do you write for? Peaky Blinders, Final Fantasy XII, Final Fantasy VII, Dragon Age II, The Professionals.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Interesting and not straightforward question: I've been writing since 2007 and only rebooted my fics to AO3 in 2023. I backdated them to time of writing rather than posting live into the current update stream. I was vaguely curious to see what *actually* attracts readers through the AO3 search engine. So, my current top five are all Peaky Blinders Tommy/Lizzie fics, and given my small followers list, everyone following me will probably already have read them!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do, and it’s my vain (both senses of the term) struggle with how to do it appropriately. I am conscious of how comments, particularly on an AO3 "archival" fic, can weight a reader's further interpretation/engagement of or with fic by that author, and that I'll never put so much time into comments as I do into fic.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? 7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? The fics I thought of picking for these two pretty much overlapped. Perhaps this shows just how I approach happiness – it’s moments, it’s never an ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Only old Dragon Age fics. Interesting period of time where any fic author that didn't unequivocally support the moral rightness of one particular character's opinions was targeted. Like: ok to write torture/rape fics of this character, but only if it was clear the author thought this character was morally right. Such a destructive troll.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I'll write sex, mostly as part of a larger arc rather than standalone smut; often it is a partial scenario rather than linear start-to-end event written in a rhythm to support a coherent wanking rise-to-climax read. I'm pleased if people find it pushes their buttons, but I'm also not bothered if it doesn't. I do approach smut as one of many possible lenses or frames for a character, however, so smut that detaches from character confuses me.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Sometimes but they have to feel really right. I think I tend more to fusion or pastiche (I think those are the terms?) rather than crossover: I take a particular character concept/theme and port them into a particular environmental context which is not possible in the canon to see what happens. The only one I still have up is a FFXII/Dragonriders of Pern fic (incomplete) which was going to be all about the horrible knowledge of socially accepted and endorsed ritualised rape and forced feminisation of a character.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I'm not that popular to notice.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have a memory of one in FFXII but can't recall.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! Taught me a lot, including the kind of writer I am - difficult to collaborate as my push to complete within a motivational urge period will always be greater than a long-haul effort, and I struggle to be available for other people. I’m either good at the front end ideas-generation, or a micro detail ‘write this particular thing/scene and fill it with goodness’, and not very good at the middle bit – the long slot of planning and plotting and aiming for consistency etc. I am so grateful fandom exists to support non-traditional prose formats which let me play with writing and thinking and engagement without needing to produce to book-style production standards.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship? I usually fixate on a character, and pairings allow means to explore that character rather than being an end game.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Oh they all carry this potential. *cries* The issue for me is loss of motivational drive/thinking; because I rarely have good structural notes etc if I lose my immediate thread of 'thinking of everything all at once' I find it hard to pick up again later. I also stop some fics because I realise how ambitious the scope really is, and I feel like I can’t do them justice.

16. What are your writing strengths? Speed-sketcher? Completionist? Tests multiple ideas rapidly and freely and never worries about something 'being wrong' because there's always another fic to try? Intuitive gut level hits on characterisation here and there?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Editing, pacing, I can't sustain long fic, I frequently move characters around like paper dolls for the sake of the cool and forget they need their own internal motivation.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I prefer the kind of cant-based/dialect-based approach which splices non-English terms fluidly into English dialogue, mostly because as a child of many migrants this has been my world experience. I do suck at writing this, hence my frequent use of cop-outs to say 'language shift here, meanwhile still writing in English'. But when it’s done well it hits so many of my sweet spots.

19. First fandom you wrote for? FFVII.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Anything in my Personal Favourites list: https://archiveofourown.org/series/3728710. (I'm still too close to Peaky Blinders to pick a fav, it'll take about five years of distance!)

[doublejango]

Hello! I read your post on being present in roleplaying and it got me curious as I've never done it myself (outside of drama improv, if that even counts, lol), but it's always felt like a formative staple in fandom community even though I've never really understood it.

I wanted to ask a couple of questions if that's okay. Namely, what actually is roleplaying, what it's like, and where one can find a community to try it out.

Otherwise, I thought your post was really good as it also applies to OCs in novels and experiencing real life, so if all else, we can just leave it at that, lol

Aw hi! And thank you, this was so sweet!!!

I mean, I am not an expert on RP or anything, I've only been back on Tumblr since February. I'm also absolutely not an expert on writing, just an enthusiastic lover of spilling words onto the page, so take everything with a grain of salt <3

Roleplaying is basically just shared storytelling. It can take a lot of forms--like LARP, which stands for Live Action Role Play, or tabletop games like D&D. With those, it is a lot like improv acting, I imagine. You have a character, you have parameters, and you shape the story by acting things out as you go--no plan, no script, just doing what feels right for your character while also working to build the "Yes, And" vibes.

Written RP is a lot like that. At least, to me it feels a lot like that. It feels like a game where we both pick our favorite characters and our favorite writing styles, then dive in hard. Maybe we explore whatever aspects of canon (if one or both of us is a canon character) left us howling and sobbing. Maybe we mix worlds--like Blitz hanging out with Cardan, from the Folk of the Air series. Maybe we just become absolute crack monsters. Whatever we do with it, it's essentially collaborative storytelling built on respect of each other's preferences and needs, and love of not just the results, but the process. It's fun, it's like--making a really satisfying with (usually) just one other person.

On tumblr, you can often find roleplaying communities (or RPCs) for just about anything just by checking for relevant tags, like helluva boss rp for me. If there's something you love, there's probably an RPC for it, and if not? There's usually someone who will be interested in checking your character out and talking about inspiration with you.

A lot of RPers--most, from what I have seen--will have a pinned post on their blog that communicates their rules/preferences. For example, since my character is a filth-goblin and a violent little feral monster, I am not okay with the idea of interacting with minors, so I put that in my rules. I'm also very anti-censorship and shaming, so that's in my rules, too. Whatever is most important to you, whatever you know you won't be able to handle in an RP partner, put that in your rules post. If you find the RPC tags for a fandom you like (and Tumblr will often help you with this by promoting other posts and blogs similar to the things you search for, once it figures out that's what you like), you can find roleplayers' blogs and check their rules out to get an idea of what sort of things might be most common, what sort of things other players seem to hope to find in rules.

If the idea of digging into tags overwhelms you, or you take a look around and decide nope, Tumblr RP is not for me, but I still want to try written RP, you can also look for blogs that are designed to help people meet so they can write together, often on Discord. @rphunter is an excellent example of those blogs and can be a great place to start, or even just a way to start seeing how people talk about RP.

TL;DR -- It's like creating fanfiction together (or original fiction, sometimes!), because we love the game, respect each other, and are cheerful nerds who just like to play. Roleplay is a very social hobby, and a lot of fun! If you're curious about it, I hope you give it a try! And hey I may be slow about answering questions, and may just babble and be the worst source ever, but I will always try <3 So please never feel bad for asking.

[voxofthevoid]

Hello! We haven't really interacted before but I reviewed a Bleach fanfiction of yours a while ago, and I've loved your stories for the fandom! I'm sad that you no longer write for Bleach, but you've shared some amazing work, so thank you for that.

Just wanted to ask if you have any tips on how to connect more with other readers and writers, as it seems your conversations with other people in your fandoms bring a lot of joy and inspiration! While I wrote fanfiction in my teenage years, I felt very much like a fandom hermit back then but I'm coming back to it now many years later and want to actively engage with more people. I've joined some discord servers and am posting much more to twitter and tumblr, but I'm still pretty shy about messaging people privately as I feel like I don't really know what to say. I know it will take time, but any advice on how to get the ball rolling would be much appreciated.

Good luck with the writing!

Hi! I'm very glad you like my Bleach fics, and hey, being missed isn't a bad thing either ❤

(I do have one 80%–finished grimmichi fic that I'll put up on Ao3 soon-ish. The last chapter won't ever be written, but there's still some 28k of fluff and porn that ends on a fairly conclusive note on the emotional end.)

You're right that interacting with my fellow fans is a large part of what makes fandom fun for me. The community aspect of fandom is something that comes up a lot in conversations about why people flock to fandom, why they stay, and why they leave, and although I'm an introvert bordering on a hermit, the social aspects of fandom are its greatest draw. I write because I need to or I'll burst, but I share for the people here with me. That's not an uncommon attitude or experience. YMMV, but many of us want to connect with people who share our interests, and the level of creativity and commitment fandom inspires often thrives in collaboration and community.

How to get that sense of community is a trickier matter though. You're already in Discord servers, which seems to be the main fandom social space(s) these days. You're also on social media platforms where people can reach out to you or vice versa. So that's the basics covered. After that, it's largely a matter of organically developing relationships. But I do understand the hesitance to just roll up into someone's DMs; even though I have no issues with people popping up in my DMs, I also find it harder to initiate.

Plus, I've found that some sort of existing rapport gives you a better foundation when you do take the step into private exchanges. This can be Ao3 comment sections, Tumblr notes, or Discord group chat spaces. I tend to avoid Discord servers these days, but back when I had more tolerance for group chats, the people I met there often became closer friends. Mostly though, my pocket friends are people I met via Ao3 and, less frequently, Tumblr—fellow authors and readers in a specific fandom.

I know my regulars, here and on Ao3, and I've been a regular many times. Discussions in comments usually start out limited to the specific fic, but they can also include general fandom/canon stuff or even personal talk. Many times, you build a degree of familiarity with a person that way, and if the conversation moves to more private channels, you already have a shared base to build further conversation on.

So my best advice to find friends and like-minded fandom folks is to be active in Ao3 comments and Tumblr notes (...and whatever the corresponding thing is over on Xitter):

Reply to the comments on your stories and try to really engage with what your readers are saying. This is very much a personal preference, but the reason I try to reply with more than a generic "thanks" for longer, more in-depth comments is that, like I said above, nerding out with fellow fans is a huge part of why I love fandom. If people are already expressing interest in your story and you have a shared interest in canon, there's a lot of room there for fun conversations, even if they never go beyond one-off exchanges.

Comment on stories you like, and if you find specific authors you really love, let them know without reservations what you like about their takes and why you like them. One of my favorite commenting methods when I'm well and truly in love with something is to read everything once, then reread and leave longass comments on every chapter/fic. It's time-intensive, but I've never seen the effort go unappreciated. I've also been on the receiving end of this many times, and that's how several of my fandom friendships were born; one of my closest friends is someone I virtually kidnapped because I loved their tags on my JJK fic posts so much.

The above habits can be applied to Tumblr/Twitter too. Plus, there are plenty of people on such sites who engage deeply with fandom outside of fic writing. Be loud and proud about what you love. Sending a DM is an intimidating step, and not everyone will be receptive anyway, but most people welcome encouragement and appreciation. There are a lot of people I'm friendly with and fond of whom I've never interacted with directly, only via Tumble notes or asks.

I think all of this narrows down to being pretty generous when it comes to expressing your love for fandom and fellow fans. Won't always work out for various reasons, but as long as you're having fun, it's not wasted effort or time.

[9lives2mics]

It's crucial to have a showrunner who understands Caryl's dynamic and steers away from racist, misogynistic writing tropes.

Do you think AMC would ever give us that? It’s either Zabel or some other white guy and as far as I’m concerned, they’re all the same. (Your mileage may vary.) The current one didn’t even watch TWD except for the montage at the end with C*nnie, RJ, Judith and Ezekiel, so he thought they were Daryl’s inner circle. I guess anything would be a step up from that?

A step up won't change anything. A showrunner who understands Caryl's story and does justice to their dynamic is a deal breaker.

So far we've seen what the spinoff looks like from the lens of a middle-aged white man who doesn't have enough background on Daryl and Carol's story (which is also clear in the way characters who identify as female were written on the show). That needs to change, not just for the sake of progress, but to help do justice to all the characters involved.

We touched on this briefly in the final part of our S3 breakdown episodes. The reason we think it's important to have a female showrunner who understands Daryl and Carol – individually and together – is because it will elevate the story overall.

We'll get to see a collaboration between Melissa who is an EP and the female showrunner to find new depths in Carol's character that give us a chance to witness her experience in a whole new way. We'll also get a perspective that understands why a huge chunk of the female audience feels safe with Daryl and why his representation is important to everyone. Finding a balance between his epic, badass moments and his heartfelt moments comes from a lens that understands why the female audience connects so deeply and quickly with Daryl's character. It also does justice to his backstory which helps give voice to abuse survivours, especially abuse survivours who identify as male and often feel unsafe to speak out.

As a WOC, I want to see an experienced female showrunner at the helm. It adds another strong female voice behind the scenes alongside Melissa's. It will help broaden the perspective and help expand on characters – especially POC and female characters – around Daryl and Carol so they're not used as plot devices.

Delivering a story that Carylers will invest their time and money in starts with investing in a showrunner with wherewithal to tap into what the audience is anticipating while maintaining Carol's and Daryl's character integrity.

We want explicit canon, yes. But we want it done right. We want Carol and Daryl to grow from the moment that brings them together romantically. We want them to lean into their personal development while working on their relationship together.

So let me answer your question with a question, dear anon, would you still watch if AMC didn't give you that and everything you're waiting for? Because, in the end, you hold the power to decide whether or not to withdraw your investment and find what you need elsewhere.

I personally need to see that AMC is listening to concerns and see them work with a female showrunner after S2 to move forward.

– Shalaka

[utilitycaster]

On the Midst messages topic:

I thought the discussion about making their original PCs less heroic for the sake of the story was interesting, and “must a character have flaws?” reminds me of “must a story have conflict?” So I was curious if you had thoughts on what differentiates interesting characters in actual play vs. other kinds of storytelling, and how their flaws/virtues play into that.

Like, obviously there are lots of flawed characters in a show like CR that are in fact excellent for storytelling and fun to play, but somewhere else along that spectrum is Moc Weepe who is a fascinating character but (at least for me) would not be fun to play in a TTRPG.

Oh sure!

I think all characters do need to have flaws, and it's worth noting that even the classic D&D character sheets have a box for flaws and that's outside any stat dumps they may have. And to be actually compelling, it does need to be an actual flaw and not "they try too hard and care too much" unless they truly care do the above to the brink of destruction or something. I suspect the original incarnations of the Midst "PCs" still were flawed to an extent; it sounds like Moc was still kind of creepy and weird, Lark still kind of brusque and awkward around people, and Phineas still overly devoted to a horrible cause; they just weren't quite as extreme. (For what it's worth I think Weepe would be super fun to play in a TTRPG provided you all had had a good chat about boundaries and everyone understood that you were playing a complete bastard; I've never really played a TTRPG where you weren't a party working together but Midst clearly is not a party-oriented story so I think that makes a huge difference.)

It's true that a lot of people do make a really cool guy (gn) to play in D&D or similar TTRPGs. Sometimes, to be honest, this means that their game would not actually be terribly fun to watch. I do know people who are mostly interested in playing D&D for mechanics and puzzle-solving and not character development, and that is valid! It's collaborative storytelling, but the experience of playing in the story is a different one from watching it. I think a lot of people don't realize this - a really fun game between you and your friends could be mostly fucking around that makes for a terrible story (*cough* anyone who writes a novella in the replies or tags in a generic D&D post about their home game). That probably wasn't true of Midst even in the earlier incarnations, since they were working outside the bounds of mechanics specifically for the purpose of storytelling, but (for example) the CR cast has specifically talked about some minor changes they made to playstyle compared to a home game, and the reason a game not intended to be actual play from the start made the transition so successfully was in part because of the voice actor angle - these are people who have to find a story and come up with an entire realized character, often from very little, to be able to act.

The biggest thing actual play characters need to do for me is take action and voice their thoughts either directly or through subtext, because actual play has a pretty unique challenge in that it's like film, in that you don't really get a narration of the character's innermost thoughts unless there's some kind of voice over monologue; but you also don't have film's ability to show a character alone for a long stretch of time, at least not frequently; and you have to describe all the visuals. A passive actual play character, even if their mind is full of interesting thoughts, is not interesting unless that's being conveyed somehow. Bold moves are to be rewarded, as are characters who are good at bouncing off others (which means both conflict and cooperation; interaction in all forms). Characters really need to be making choices and those choices need to be communicated.

[theladysherlock]

talk shop tuesday! incredible coincidence - i wanted to ask you more about your dnd OCs, and you posted a new art piece with one of them! continuing the theme: could you tell more about your dnd OCs and how they came to be?

Ohhhh you have opened Pandora's Box my friend!! I could talk about this topic all day.

Basically there's two parts to this: my approach to DnD in general, and in-depth explanations of the characters. I'm going to put this under a Read More to save everyone's Dash.

Part One: Dungeons and Dragons

So the thing I love most about DnD (and other TTRPGs) is that it's a collaborative game. I'm not responsible for the entirety of the story, I bring my character to the table and everyone else brings their characters and between us, the DM, and the dice, we figure out where the story is going. I enjoy it so much more than trying to come up with everything on my own. And I love that people can surprise me!! @mothmansbigfatass and @ahawkmet (my irl friends and in most of the campaigns I play) can attest, apparently I'm a lot of fun to watch during revelations because I always have a big reaction.

So when making a dnd character, it's important for me to know 1. What the world we'll be playing in is like, and 2. What everyone else is doing. Again, it's a collaborative game, so I want to make sure that I'm playing nice with the DM's world. AND often the setting itself will give me an idea (see Ethan: the game is set at a community college. What's a college stereotype that would be fun to play?). Ideally, the character I make would have a really hard time being plopped into a different campaign and have it still make sense. Secondly, it's more fun for me to play a class that will fill out the party. For example, if we already have a cleric, I don't also need to play a religious character. Those story beats are covered by someone else, I don't want to be competing with another person for cool moments.

Once those two things are settled, character creation is determined by what seems fun to play and what would be interesting aesthetically. I like to keep the backstory light to see what happens as we start playing, and then I can fill it in bit by bit later. Sometimes that bites me in the ass, though (see Ethan: I didn't give him birth parents and then they were incredibly important to the plot). I tend to have a general idea about who they are and what they're like, and then I always get surprised by what they actually end up acting like once we start playing. It's fun for me to figure them out along the way!

The last thing I wanna say about DnD (for now) is that I love everyone else's characters just as much. I just draw mine more because, well, they're mine. I feel weird putting their guys in situations and guessing how they'd react because they aren't my little guys. I much prefer working collaboratively with the other players (like an RP thread) to just writing a story on my own.

Part Two: Ethan

Where to even start with my boy. A bunch of my work friends got together to start a DnD game, and I hadn't played with most of them before so I wasn't sure what to expect. I also did not think the game would last very long, since most campaigns tend to fizzle out after a few sessions. So I made kind of a joke character with extremely little backstory: He's a half-orc, since I hadn't played that race before, he's a bard who is the captain of the local community college's Improv Team, he's "the kind of guy to play wonderwall at a party but you're not mad about it", and I said he's adopted by two men, neither of whom were his biological parents, and he wasn't particularly interested in tracking down his bio parents. This last point is for two reasons: one, I was trying to avoid just duplicating a Dimension 20's Gorgug, a half-orc who was adopted by gnomes and spent the whole first season trying to find his dad; and two, I was pushing an "Adopted parents are not less than biological parents" agenda.

My DM took this personally (affectionate). First session, I was given a clue about his birth parents' identities. From then on, Ethan was dragged kicking and screaming into being the unofficial main character of the campaign. His mom was one of our favorite NPCs, a kickass pirate with a truly tragic backstory who would always jump to help us out of a scrape. His biological dad was the human embodiment of Pride who had took on the form of Fantasy Harrison Ford and was an extremely famous actor in-world. Our BBEG was his uncle, the embodiment of Greed. Every plot point became very personal and it was a lot of fun. I also loved putting him through the wringer, so between me and the DM the poor guy couldn't catch a break.

Part of the dice telling the story, I rolled so bad all the time when I played Ethan. It didn't matter which dice I used, I just rolled really bad, which was not something that normally happened with me. So that was fun to incorporate into his character as we played-- he was insecure about his own abilities compared to the extremely powerful characters he was surrounded by (we had a 20 ft Earth Titan who was an extremely powerful Druid, Emeshka you will always be famous). So he became a more three-dimensional and actualized character the more we played.

He's extremely easy to put in situations and his character design is pretty solid, so I end up drawing him the most. My perfect little guy.

(Anything about him I've tagged either "Ethan" or "Big Yarr Energy" if you want to find more)

Part Three: Mina

After the campaign with Ethan wrapped up, we started a new one in a Cthulhu-inspired setting. My goal with making Mina was to do as close to a 180 as I could from Ethan. While Ethan was a friendly and charming but bad at most things, Mina is a competent and intelligent Druid who's blunt and overworked and doesn't quite know how to meaningfully engage with her party members (but she tries, bless her). Druid was one of the classes I hadn't played yet and I've been making my way through the list of available classes. The One-With-Nature stuff isn't super interesting to me as a player, but I found a homebrew subclass that was based more in Big Cities and as an Architecture Nerd that was much more my speed. Also, I hadn't played an Aasimar before, so that seemed like fun. From all that, I pulled together her whole deal: She was from a bloodline of guardian angels who were sent to protect different villages and towns, and she's gone from her mother's small town to being the guardian of a city of several million people and it's overwhelming. She's lonely and she's jaded and she's got severe Gifted Kid Syndrome and she's got her head on a swivel to make sure her party members are okay even if they don't like her very much and I love her.

I didn't give her a lot of tragic backstory because there are a lot of us playing and I wanted to have a character who could push the plot forward with her actions, instead of having a "now let's stop and talk about my life!!" moment every session that seemed to happen with Ethan. Give everyone else some time to have cool moments, you know? And by GOD are there some cool moments. My fellow players are so good at making compelling characters. Ask @mothmansbigfatass about Nelly if you get a chance.

We're still playing this campaign, although we're nearing the end of it. There's still space for some big moments for Mina in the game, though I'm hoping our DM lets me save hers for last. She's the kind of character to make sure everyone else is okay before taking care of herself, so it feels appropriate. I'm excited to see where Mina ends up. She's definitely a character I'll go back and write/draw a lot afterwards, though. Part of being in a group this size means there's a lot of stuff that just won't get covered. I'll have a lot of material to play with for my own work once we get to the next campaign.

(Anything about Mina I've tagged either "Mina" or "Cthulhu Crimes" if you want to find more)

Part Four: Jess

Jess is a character that isn't from DnD but is a TTRPG character of mine, and I like her so I'm going to talk about her too. Jess is a cautionary tale in Knowing Your Audience.

Jess is from a different group of players than Ethan and Mina. Our DM for that game is notorious for wanting to give us Big, Shonen-Style fight scenes and an insane level of power creep. Character interactions are fine, but his true passion is making us look like Goku.

Jess was... not built to look like Goku. In this world you could identify different types of magic users by their focus, and I wanted her whole schtick to be about deception. She looked like a wizard when she was actually a monk, she looked like a dumb blonde girl when she was extremely smart and good at stealing things, she's a dancer but her primary fighting style was based on capoeira, etc. Also part of why Jess sticks with me as a favorite character is the way I had her powers work was so fun and visually interesting that I haven't been able to shake it. Basically her superpower was that she could snatch bits of other people's powers and use them herself, and you could tell which ones she had because they would fill out spectral stained glass wings with specific colors.

Jess was (and still is, frankly) too complicated for the game our DM wanted to run. Immediately any hope of her being a chronic liar was dashed as her powers did not manifest in a way that could possibly pass off as being a wizard. So instead of being sneaky, Jess became very angry. She was quick to point out injustices in the world we were in. She beat up creeps, she yelled at bigots, she stole powers from macho superheroes trying to one-up her. She had to get a lot less complicated for the story we were in, but the complicated version of her still lives in my head and I like to see what she's up to from time to time.

(I don't think I have anything tagged for Jess, unfortunately)

TL; DR:

TTRPG characters are fun because they let me do my favorite thing creatively, which is bounce ideas off of other people. I typically design them based on the setting, party needs, character tropes that I think are interesting, and just general vibes. Most importantly, though, I don't have a fleshed out character without the input of the other players.

[daphdarling]

Hi! Can I get a personality matchup for mha?? I'm over 18 so adults only please (if you can only males also). Thank you! 💕💕

Personality: I've been told from a young age that I was always very mature. I tend to try to always act happy even when I am feeling down. I don't really tend to get angry unless I don't get a lot of sleep. I love animals and am an easy crier when it comes to sad things. I love collecting things such as monster high dolls or anime figures. A great fear of mine is being alone or being forgotten. I tend to be loud when excited about something or interested in things. I don't like being yelled at (it makes me cry). I tend to be quiet around people until I get to know them better, then I'll actually start talking. Pet peeve, I hate it when people complain about something and there's an easy solution to it but they refuse to do it to fix the problem they are complaining about. I do like romantic stuff, but my love languages are touch and quality time.

Hobbies: drawing, coloring, playing video games, writing.

Looks: ( I don't think you asked for this but it might help I guess?) I have red hair (it's long, goes all the way to my butt) with blueish-grey eyes, I tend to wear comfy clothes. I have glasses and I am a little chubby. I also do have a couple of piercings and I'm 5'6.

(sorry if I forgot something please just message me if I did, thank you again!💕💕)

Your Matchup is…

Gunhead!!!

Personality Match:

You and Gunhead complement each other beautifully. His professional and friendly nature aligns perfectly with your maturity and desire for meaningful connections. While you may sometimes feel down, his unexpected kindness will provide the emotional support you need, making you feel valued and understood.

Your caring nature can lead to lighthearted conversations, allowing you to bond over shared interests. His composed demeanor in tense situations will balance your excitement, helping you feel safe and appreciated.

Romantic Connection:

With your love languages of touch and quality time, you’ll find solace in Gunhead’s gentle approach. His caring personality will encourage you to express yourself freely, and you’ll enjoy cozy evenings playing video games or sharing your latest drawings. Gunhead’s fierceness in battle contrasts with his warmth outside of it, providing a perfect balance that will resonate with your emotional side.

Hobbies and Activities:

You’ll enjoy collaborating on creative projects, whether it’s drawing or writing stories inspired by your adventures together. Gunhead’s insights as a teacher can offer a fresh perspective, encouraging you to explore your artistic talents further.

Looks and Vibe:

Your vibrant red hair and unique style will stand out next to Gunhead’s rugged appearance. His protective nature will make you feel cherished, and he’ll appreciate your individuality, often finding your quirks endearing.

Final Thoughts:

Together, you’ll create a strong bond built on mutual respect and understanding. Gunhead’s fierce loyalty will match your sensitivity, fostering a loving relationship where both of you can flourish.

Side Note: If you give me free reign with the Pro Heroes I will go feral!!! I feel like there’s so much more to their stories so I’m so happy you requested! I love including those beyond the usual heroes like All Might, Hawks, Eraserhead, Endeavor, etc.

[callmearcturus]

Do you have any advice for finding people to write fanfic with? You talk all the time abt your collabs with punct and it sounds like in addition to providing a second opinion, the two of you really help motivate each other to keep working on stuff :)

UUUUUUh I am uniquely not the person to ask this I think, lmao. Instead of "coauthor" lets say "collaborators," because that's much more common for me.

Because for the PT Benji AU, that one is pretty unique. Punct had the initial idea and I think we haggled a bit over "well SOMEONE has to write this, the idea is so fucking good" and I started turning the brainstorming sessions into an outline. Then because I know Punct and their skill level, I jsut started.... Poking them to hop in and directly help? And that submission scene two(?) chapters ago, I just fully asked them to take a swing at writing it and I'd revise, which worked fabulously. Hell, just last night, Punct reworked the outline for the last 2 chapters of act one, and it's amazing.

For me, cowriting is difficult because, uh, my speed and intensity. As you may surmise, I write Very Fucking Fast and I have a lot of ideas about the Process, so I often feel like... Roping someone in to work with me is a huge ask.

You know all those posts you see about how writing is a slog and how blank word documents stare back at you and, like, that genre of post? I don't relate to those. When I am entrenched in a project, I often have to STOP writing or I risk literal physical injury. (My worst injury came from writing TSAD, never fucking let ANY human type at that speed, folks.)

I am, frankly, a freak. So as we started collaborating, I told Punct "hey bruh, I know that I am like really intense and i work very fast, please know I DO NOT expect that from you, okay." And reiterated it a few times. /looks over at Punct. So they better keep it in mind!

Anyway, enough conceited clarification, onto the point of your question.

How do you find people to create stuff with.

The number one thing that I will keep saying until I am blue in the fucking face is: post positive stuff you are interested in.

I do not hateread. I try to keep drama to a minimum on Tumblr. When I see opinions and takes I disagree with, I tend to post alternative takes in a hopefully positive manner instead of trying to take down others. I think there is a big habit in fandom for people to go "UGH why are people posting X when they should post Y." And that bitching never actually gets you more Y, it just makes everyone less excited about creating stuff.

When you are looking for collaborative souls, you are looking for people excited about creating stuff. So you need to telegraph that's what you're into in a constructive way. But I think an unfortunate pitfall a lot of people fall into is... Just announcing it.

When I got into Mission Impossible, I didn't do a lot of "hey I'm into MI now, pls come talk to me about it." Instead, I started making posts of why I was into it. Here's some batshit stunt facts, here is a treatise on Ghost Protocol's deep unorthodox streak, look at these pics of Ethan from Fallout.

They're like setting out treats. Sometimes, you lure in people who are willing to say "yes, and." And when you find those people, you keep track of them and see if they continue to be willing to play with you. Then you sidle up and go "so can I pitch you on an AU." And you put them in a cardboard box and carry them away to Discord.

There's more I could say, like how sometimes I try writing towards specific people (like how KTOWL was written at @thedoublepp and I feel like I learned a tremendous amount by doing that) and honing writing based on that, buuuut this post is long.

[skambigbang]

SKAM REVERSE BANG 2025 BETA READER INFO

TIMELINE

SIGN UP

15 NOVEMBER 2024 - 15 APRIL 2025

Sign ups open on November 15th 2024 and will remain open until April 15th 2025. Sign up here!

2. COLLABORATION

15 APRIL 2025 - 15 JUNE 2025

As agreed between you and the author you are paired with, you may be asked to beta read chapter per chapter, or the complete work in one go. Be sure to communicate well to manage expectations on both sides.

3. CELEBRATION

21 JUNE 2025 - 01 AUGUST 2025

Time to share the finished work and celebrate all things SKAM!

RULES & FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

GENERAL

What is a Reverse Bang?

In a reverse of a more traditional ‘Big Bang’ fan event, a Reverse Bang is a fan-centric collaborative event where writers write a fic based on art created by fellow fans.

Both the ‘Big Bang’ and ‘Reverse Bang’ type of event can be traced back to the tradition of fanzines, which often combined visual and written fan art.

How can I be part of the Reverse Bang 2025?

There are three ways to participate: as an artist, as a writer, or as a beta reader.

Artists will create original artworks to celebrate SKAM. Writers will then create a written work specifically inspired by the artwork. And beta readers will be cheering on the authors, and helping them polish their work.

If you cannot be part of the Reverse Bang this year, we invite you warmly to enjoy the art and the fics starting on June 21st 2025, and give the finished works your love to keep the fandom alive!

You may join in more than one role, if you’d like… but be sure you can really commit to the tasks expected of you before you do so.

Can I join together with my friend?

Of course! In past events, there have been teams of writers working together on one fic. We welcome artists to do the same, if they like. In that case, you can join as a team - just let us know the contact data of all team members.

Artists and writers cannot join up as a team. The spirit of the event is to be paired up with someone you might not know before. But we hope you’ll join anyway, and meet new SKAM fans to collaborate with!

Beta readers and writers can team up if they wish to do so, but they will need to sign up separately.

Is the SKAM Reverse Bang 2025 open to all versions of SKAM and all ships?

YES! All versions of SKAM, all seasons, all ships are allowed. The more the merrier!

How many people will I be paired up with?

The short answer is: at least one.

The slightly longer answer is that we cannot give any exact numbers yet, because we don’t know yet how many people will sign up as artists, as writers, or as beta readers. It is likely that some artists may get paired with more than one writer. If there are more artists than writers, we will check in with the writers to find out if people are willing to write more than one story. 

A second consideration is that our fandom encompasses many verses, generations, and ships; of which some are very popular and others relatively obscure. The broader the horizon of the artwork, the more writers will be able to write for it.

That said, we will try our absolute best to make sure every artist is paired with at least one writer, and vice versa.

Do I have to keep my creations a secret before the posting date?

Yes, and no.

Unlike previous SKAM Big Bang events, we will not have an anonymous pairing. This means that writers will know which artists have created which artworks, when they choose the works that inspire them. This also means that you can freely talk about your project during the creating period.

However, we ask that you do not share significant parts of your works outside of the event participants. A tease, a snippet, a mention for Six Sentence Sunday, … - these are fine; but we’d like the fandom to enjoy all the new artworks and fics during the posting period of the Reverse Bang. Let’s make it a true celebration of all things SKAM!

My English is not perfect. Will that be a problem?

Not at all! Most of us aren’t native English speakers, and we all make mistakes. Some of us speak other languages too, so we will find a way to communicate - even if we have to rely on online translators.

What do you mean by ‘checking in’?

During the timeframe of the creation of art or stories, we will check in with you to ensure you are on track to be ready by the end date, to help you find solutions to any problem that may arise, to encourage you during the creative process, and to make sure you are still having fun.

Is this event age restricted?

The SKAM Reverse Bang is open for fans aged 16 and over. However, if you are under 18, we will ask that both the art and the written work that you and your partner create, will be non-explicit in nature. Beta readers under 18 will only be paired with teams creating non-explicit works.

Will there be a place to hang out while we are creating and posting for the Reverse Bang event?

Every participant will be invited to a pre-existing lively Discord server with a group of enthusiastic, friendly and helpful SKAM fans. Note that this year there will be no separate Discord server dedicated to the event, but a section of the 21:21 SKAM Fan Content Creators server will be set up to host the SKAM Reverse Bang 2025.

While we hope you will join the Discord server, there is no obligation to do so. 

What will be the main form of communication between participants and mods?

As said, all participants will be invited to join our Discord server full of SKAM fans. 

However, should you choose not to, you can reach the Reverse Bang mods via email, or you can ask your question on the Skam Big Bang Tumblr account.

Where will the art and the stories created for the event be published and shared?

All written works will be posted on Archive Of Our Own (ao3), in a collection dedicated to the Reverse Bang. The author will include the art, a picture of the art, or link to the art, in their post. Artists may choose to post their art in a separate post on Archive Of Our Own (ao3).

If you want to participate, but have no Archive Of Our Own (ao3) account, we encourage you to request one as soon as you register for the Reverse Bang. You can ask the mods for help, if needed.

After the works have been posted into the collection, both writers and artists will be free to post their works on any other site, including their social media. 

Of course, you will need your partner’s permission to post their work. And obviously you must credit your partner appropriately when posting their work alongside your own!

What if I cannot meet a deadline?

While an event like this relies heavily on everybody involved being accountable, we understand there is this thing called life. If something pops up that makes you have to defer on a deadline, or have to drop out completely, please let us know as soon as possible. We are ready to figure out the best possible solution, but we need to know in order to keep the event moving seamlessly for everybody. Communication is key. Do not hesitate to contact us! Better a solution that's not needed in the end, than a problem snowballing into an experience that leaves someone unhappy.

That said, please take the deadlines and timelines into careful consideration before committing to participating. An event like this can only run smoothly if all the parts run smoothly. With that in mind, exceptions to the deadlines must remain rare exceptions.

Can I use AI?

AI takes many forms nowadays. While many of us use some form of AI as a tool while creating, we want this Reverse Bang to reflect the many talents of fans and fan-created works. Therefore, we will not allow any art or stories which were created solely by prompting an AI generator, even if you lightly edit or modify the result.

That said, use of AI as a tool can be permitted, provided it is disclosed. Disclosing will allow people not to engage with your work, should they so choose.

To make the difference clear, let’s consider some examples.

Let’s say your art has a background consisting of a repeated pattern. It might be fine to do that manually, but if you want, you could also use some form of AI to create a repetition of something you created. Or, if you want to draw a female figure in a certain position but have difficulty finding a good reference, you could ask AI to create one for you, as long as you then draw the final artwork yourself.

For writers, you might like to ask a chatbot to suggest some names of fantasy lands if you draw a blank. Or maybe you can prompt an AI story generator to describe the atmosphere of a Mediterranean marketplace, which you then use as inspiration to enhance one short paragraph of your story.

The examples above are meant to illustrate that minor uses of AI to help create a work of art or a story, where the AI generated part is either a minor detail of the final product and/or used as reference or inspiration without it ending up in the final product, will be permitted for this Reverse Bang.

To be abundantly clear: Art or stories which were, at their core, created by generative AI based on a prompt by a human, will not be permitted for this event.

You didn’t answer my question!

Oh no! We’re sorry, and we invite you to please contact us through email. We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

BETA READERS

What is the job of a beta reader?

Depending on what your author needs, you can be asked to read through an author’s first (or second, third, …) draft to help them point out plot holes, continuity errors, or factual mistakes. Some authors only ask their beta readers to do a spelling, grammar and punctuation check. Sometimes, a beta reader is a cheerleader, or sometimes they help an author brainstorm narrative points, or they can provide tips for a better story flow.

You can let us know what you are willing to do when signing up, and we will try to match you with an author suited to your strengths.

Will I get to choose who I work with?

Yes and no.

You can definitely join the event together with a writer you’ve worked with before; but you can also ask to be paired randomly. In that case, we will check what your limits are in terms of story triggers, story lengths, etc. before pairing you up.