#I do care a little bit actually I check this app way to often to see if people have commented or reblogged litterally anything
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Gm R&M fandom I've been surviving on nothing but painkillers for 2 days and it's 112°f rn HOORAY here's a family photo
My Birdrick babies don't seem to ever do well on here and Idk why. But I do not care, I love them.
#rick sanchez#birdperson#birdrick#rick and morty#harper sanchez#birdie sanchez#I do care a little bit actually I check this app way to often to see if people have commented or reblogged litterally anything#only people who care bring it up for no reason and then say âI dont care thoâ
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â red stars
pairing: caroline harvey x woso!reader
synopsis: you send yourself to the olympics with a perfect game under your belt, and caroline is there to witness it.
warnings: none!
a/n: yallâŚ.. i have been sucked in đ i also realised after i finished writing that nwsl players donât give away their jerseys, so just pretend they do for the sake of the fic.
ৠâ§âË đ° â
Ë ŕź ŕłâ・Ë
caroline keeps her hands tucked in her pockets as she walks into the stadium. sheâs careful not to bump into anybody as she makes her way to the friends and family section, keeping her hat securely on her head. she shares polite smiles with the other families and is quick to find her seat, double checking the number before sitting down and checking her phone.
she attempts to work the dead feeling out of her legs by massaging her thighs through her jeans. the almost three hour drive from madison to bridgeview really took it out of her, and the coffee that sheâd skulled before coming into the stadium hadnât kicked in yet.
she opens up her conversation with you to send you a text letting you know that sheâs sat in her seat, and that she couldnât wait to see you play. knowing that you werenât going to respond anytime soon, she switched apps and scrolled through instagram instead.
part of her felt a little out of place. sheâd decided to come alone to support you before you jetted off to france for the olympics, but now she kind of wished she had taken laila up on her offer to come. it wasnât often that she actually got to come to your games, especially now that she had gained a bit of a fanbase, so she hadnât had the opportunity to meet any of your teammates families or friends. it was weird being surrounded by people who saw eachother semi-regularly and she felt kind of awkward once she realised that she was the only one not caught up in a conversation.
sheâs in her own little world until both teams walk out of the tunnel. the crowd cheers at the sight and she stands to clap along with them.
spotting you is relatively easy, the number fourteen on your back and your last name in bold block letterâs immediately drawing her attention. she catches your eye as you line up, grinning and waving to you when she sees you watching her with a twinkle.
after the anthem she winks and sits back down, watching you and your teammates intently as you also get to your positions. her eyes stay trained on you on the wing, the determined look on your face only making her more excited.
the first half escalates quickly with a player from the opposition earning a yellow fifteen minutes in. it sets the tone for the game: fast paced and a little aggressive.
itâs a perfect pass and malloryâs even more perfect timing that bags you an assist at the twenty minute mark. your teammate enthusiastically high-fives you and wraps an arm around you before the two of you move back into position, and kk can tell that a fire has been lit inside of you.
the half continues in chicagoâs favour. the other team have opportunities but due to alyssaâs safe hands, none of them get past her. a corner kick in their favour almost breaks the deadlock and for a moment you think theyâre going to score, but a red stars defender clears it and keeps the goal safe, allowing you to run back up your half of the pitch.
your first goal happens right before half time. youâre running parallel to mallory, keeping up with her pace and keeping an eye on where sheâs going to pass, before she chips it to you. you slot it in past the goal keeperâs fingerâs and immediately jump in celebration, pointing to the crowd of fans as your teammates train you joyfully.
the second half is when the other team decide to try to slow you down. you go down due to a mistimed tackle in the penalty box, clutching your ankle as you get on your knees; you stand slowly and shake the adrenaline out just as the ref awards a penalty kick to the red stars.
from the stands, kk holds her breath. she knows how much this penalty is going to mean to you after missing a crucial one in the world cup last year. you had called her after the game crying, saying how you shouldâve made the shot and how it was stupid that you missed it when you spent hours upon hours practicing.
you were a perfectionist at heart, and knowing that you hadnât perfectly executed the one thing youâd been trying so hard to get right absolutely broke her heart.
she bites her nails as she sees you take the ball off the ref.
you place the ball on the ground, before taking a deep breath and stepping back to take the kick. youâve done this a million times before. youâve trained yourself for this, on this very pitch, a million times before.
you know you want to go to the olympics with the perfect penalty under your belt.
you know that youâre not going to miss this shot.
one, two deep breaths. you pick your position, you lock in, and you pull back. you swing your leg with precision and release the breath you were holding as the ball gets off the ground.
the keeper goes right.
youâve aimed left.
itâs the perfect shot, and the perfect finish.
the stands erupt. a sea of red and blue overtakes your vision as you take off running again, your yelling teammates not far behind. as you pass the section carolineâs in you turn your back and point to the fourteen, putting it proudly on display.
the game ends with a clean sheet, a brace and assist, and a perfect send off to your first olympics.
the adrenaline is still pumping through you as you make your rounds, clapping and waving to fans, signing posters and jerseys and taking as many photos as you can.
mallory throws an arm around your shoulders âlook at you, little superstarâ she praises as she punches your cheeks playfully âa brace and an assist! that giddy energy from this week did you a bit of good, i seeâ
you nod âi guessâ you shrug, fighting the urge to smile as you subtly look towards the stands. mallory stops the both of you and faces you so that her back is to the crowd.
âyouâre coming out with us, right? we were going to anyway but now weâve really got something to celebrateâ she says with a smile on her face.
you play with the hem of your jersey and shrug again, looking over her shoulder. trying to suppress the smile beginning to grow on your face turns out to be useless when you see kk waiting for you. her hands are tucked into the pockets of her soft shorts as she makes sure sheâs out of the way for other friends and family members making their way out of the stands; she smiles when you catch her eye.
âiâve actually already got plansâ you say to your teammate whilst keeping your eyes on your girlfriend. you look to mallory ânext time though, i promiseâ
she cocks a brow and looks in the direction your eyes have been glued to, smiling when she sees caroline. she nods her head and waves before turning back to you âi seeâ she draws out, a smirk playing on her lips.
a blush starts to bloom across your cheeks âyeahâ you bite the inside of your lip. before you can say anything else, or even begin to walk away, a hand is giving you a firm slap on your shoulder. you holt forward out of surprise just as alyssa comes to stand next to you.
âare you coming out?â she asks
mallory jumps in before you can say anything âsheâs got plansâ she says teasingly, nodding her head back in the direction of your ever so patient girlfriend âcarolineâs come to visitâ
alyssa half smiles ârightâ she says whilst nodding âwell, tell her we say hiâ
âyes, i willâ you half groan before shaking their hands off âas much as i love you guys, iâm not going to leave her standing there by herself any longerâ
alyssa and mallory wave you off with sly smiles and teasing grins before they meet up with their own friends and family, you and caroline quickly becoming a second thought.
you make your way over to kk, cautious of the eyes that you know are trailing your figure. itâs remarkable, really, that no one has recognised her or questioned why sheâs here. the two of you have managed to keep your year and a half relationship a secret from the mass of detective level fans and the media and you were hoping that it was going to stay that way after this weekend.
itâs certainly not the first time sheâs made the drive from her college to your clubâs home stadium, but it is the first time since she gained rapid popularity from tiktok.
she untucks her hands from her pockets and folds them behind her back, smiling shyly as you approach.
âheyâ you say shyly under her gaze. you have to resist the urge to fling your arms around her neck in a bear hug âwas the game everything you hoped it would be?â
âand moreâ she says as she leans down slightly âmy olympianâ
you roll your eyes âsays you, silver medalistâ
caroline blushes and scratches her nose to hide the blush creeping up her cheeks. âyeah, well, now itâs your turnâ
âgold, baby. iâm bringing home goldâ
sheâs about to respond when a young girl shyly approaches the two of you. sheâs dressed in this seasonâs home jersey with her hair in pigtails, a sign saying âI WANT TO BE LIKE Y/N WHEN I GROW UPâ in blue and red letters. her mum stands behind her, slowly pushing the girl towards you.
âgo onâ the mother whispers in her daughterâs ear.
the young girlâs brunette pony tail sways as she looks between her mother and you, her lip between her teeth. âexcuse me y/n?â she says quietly, her eyes quickly darting between you and your girlfriend âcan i please get a photo?â
you smile wide âof course you can!â you crouch down to her level âwhatâs your name?â
âfayeâ she says shyly.
âi like your sign faye. did your mum help you make it?â
she nods âshe helped me put the glitter on, but i wrote it all by myself!â
kk steps aside and makes sure sheâs fully out of the frame as the mother pulls out her phone. you make sure to have the biggest, most genuine smile plastered on your face as you pose with the young girl. in your peripheral vision you can see kk smiling just as big at the two of you, making your heart flutter.
after the photos are taken you let her shoulder go but stay at her level, making sure to look her in the eye âcan i give you my jersey?â you ask with a smile.
a sunshine smile overtakes her face as she nods quickly. taking the hem of your shirt in your hands, you quickly pull it over your head and turn it the right way out before flattening it on your knee.
âdo you have a pen?â you ask her mum.
âhereâ she says as she pulls one out of her back pocket âthought weâd bring one today, just incaseâ
âgood thinkingâ kk says with a smile.
you sign the jersey and the poster easily, handing them both back to her âthank you both for coming! i hope you enjoyed the gameâ
âwe did!â faye says excitedly âmum says we can come to more games next season!â
âwell then, iâll see you back here soon!â
faye and her mum bid you and caroline goodbye. you canât take your eyes off of the young girl and the way she excitedly raves about her interaction with you, her pigtails swishing about as she hands the sign to her mother. you see her clutch your jersey to her chest and smile.
âi canât believe i have that kind of an impact on young girlsâ you say breezily âi didnât have many female athletes to latch onto growing up so to be that for young people is just amazingâ
caroline places a hand on your bare shoulder, pulling you into her âi think you underestimate how good of a player and role model you actually areâ she says lowly to you âiâm so lucky to know youâ
you canât help but roll your eyes as you begin to lead her towards the tunnel and back to the changerooms to get your stuff âiâm so lucky to know youâ you pointedly say. you wrap an arm around kkâs waist once the two of you are far enough in the tunnel âyour unwavering support is something i donât take for granted. i hope you know thatâ
âwe support eachother, babe. itâs just how this worksâ she mumbles against your temple as she places her lips onto your warm skin âplus yâknow, seeing you with my birthdate on your back isnât too bad eitherâ
you still slightly and blush at being caught out. you didnât think sheâd really taken any notice of the number fourteen you wear, much less connect that it was because of her.
âoh yeah. donât think that got past meâ she says cockily, pulling you out of your rooted place âi knew as soon as you moved to the red stars that you did it for me, and i was just waiting for you to admit itâ
âi didnât think you clocked thatâ you mumble
âyeah, and iâm proud of it everydayâ
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got a question for ya regarding sex and online safety.
Background; I am an adulty adult. I have been able to and have voted in more than 3 elections. [I know you take interactions with minors seriously]. I am also ace and autistic. as a result I have never felt the urge to date and I normally don't mind having friends close by.
However, I also just moved for the 4th time since 2019 and would like to meet people.
So I downloaded Grindr. already got my first dickpic lol. I have also been chatting with a fellow who I like and would like to be friends with and I also wouldn't mind exploring my kinks with people... but I have never had to worry about safe online sexy stuff before so I don't know the basics beyond normal internet safety.
What do I doâ˝â˝â˝
Okay first, thanks for clarifying the adulty part. This is an awesome question, and here's the advice/steps that I personally follow for situations like this.
Have your first meeting in a public place. Go for coffee or ice cream or lunch or dinner or whatever. But don't meet them alone. This way, if you get uncomfortable with anything that's happening, they're much less likely to continue with that behavior after you attempt to extricate yourself.
Make sure there are no expectations. Plan not to have sex on the first date/meet up. Grindr often tends to ignore this rule since it's very hookup centric, but you're absolutely within your rights to insist on taking things as slowly as you want to.
Don't rely on the other person for transportation. If you choose to meet someone, get yourself there and plan to get yourself back. Walk, bike, drive, public transportation, unicycle, it's all good. But there's much less room for pressure if you're not depending on them for a ride home. This segues nicely into my next point:
Do not tell them where you live. At least, not right now. Plenty of people on Grindr are willing to "host" meaning you can come to their place. That's fine for them, but I err on the side of never giving anyone my address until I've had a thorough chance to assess their character and meet them a few times.
Tell someone where you will be. Let someone who cares about you know that you're going out, where you'll be, and what time you expect to return. Establish a time to check in when you're going home/if you choose to extend the meeting. There are also apps like Noonlight that can function similarly.
Be careful about what you consume. If you're going to enjoy and mind alternating substances, be very, very careful. This goes for anything from getting drinks at a bar to any and all of the recreational drugs on the market.
Be prepared for a little bit of awkwardness. Meeting someone in person is often very different than chatting online. If the conversation is awkward or halting, that's okay. Give it a little time (but also don't be afraid to trust your gut if it's telling you something is wrong).
Communicate clearly. If you have any needsâwhich can range from an allergy, not being able to stand for long periods of time, needing them to speak loudly so you can hear them, safety concernsâthe best way to get those met is to be upfront. You don't need to disclose the reason why you need something if it makes you uncomfortable, just state what you need. People worth spending time with will respect that. The same thing goes for your wants.
Use protection. Maybe this isn't applicable for you specifically, but I think it belongs on this list. Condoms. Dental dams. Gloves. Someone on an app telling you they're negative for any number of things is not an actual guarantee they're not lying to you. Not wanting to use protection (not just for anal/vaginal intercourse, but for oral sex as well) is a huge red flag. Decide in advance what your boundaries are and stick to them.
If it sucks, hit da bricks. Fundamentally, you owe this person nothing. There is no consequence for saying "you know what, I'm not feeling this and I'm going to leave." Be as polite as you want to, but put yourself first.
At the end of the day, the only thing you have control over is you. How you react, where you meet this person, what you doâthat's what you control. Hopefully any meet ups will be fun and relatively safe, but just in case, set yourself up for success by maintaining what control you can.
From one adult to another, these are all suggestions rather than rules. Many people on Grindr choose not to follow various ones, and that's fine. Take some time to think about what you're comfortable with and make your decisions accordingly.
Also, best practice for someone sending an unsolicited dick pic (if you don't want them) is just to block that person. But sending a return picture like this one is a hilarious option.
-Reid
#he speaks#sex advice#sex education#internet advice#life advice#grindr#internet etiquette#internet brother
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Restoration (Chapter 8)
A bunch of scenes because why not? On another note, it is extremely hard to write a scene in winter when itâs the middle of April. I hope you enjoy anyhow! Because now Iâm really getting into the plot.
Word Count: 5.9k
CW: Death, crying, vague thoughts of suicide, severe trauma, (anything else idk??)
8-Ryker
It was Thanksgiving break. The first official break from school until Christmas. Words could not describe how grateful I was for the week-long break. There was no reason to have so much work piled up a couple weeks before the end of first semester.Â
I was laying in my bed on my phone. It was about to turn six, which meant I should probably get started on dinner, but I just couldnât bring myself to climb out of bed. I was physically and mentally tired of keeping up with everyone and whatever plans they had with their friends, taking care of Isabelle and Angela since they were still little, and on top of that keep up with the chores around the house.Â
I grabbed my phone off the charger, stretched out my arms and legs from laying down, and opened my door to get started on dinner. The living room was oddly quiet, with Dylan and Lucky playing a game. Isabelle playing a game with Angela on the carpet that consisted of a bunch of stuffed animals and blankets. I smiled to myself.Â
âWhat do you guys feel like eating for dinner?â I leaned against the kitchen island, waiting for an answer.Â
âSpaghetti!â Isabelle and Angela answered at the time, giggling at one another. I think I could do that. I donât know if Lucky can though. It was the first weekend of the break and Iâd probably need to go grocery shopping tomorrow anyways.Â
I looked in Dylanâs direction, making them pause whatever they were playing together. He just shrugged his shoulders, âWhateverâs easier for you.â Always with the same response.Â
âUmmm, I can go check what we have.â Lucky told me, getting Dylan to let him onto the floor. All I could do was wait now. Jasmine was staying over at her friends today and tomorrow. I just told her to text me if she goes anywhere far and if she needed anything. Weird, right? Usually the parent handles these kinds of things, but in the situation my siblings and I are in itâs literally impossible.Â
Lucky came back, shaking his head, âWe donât have the things for spaghetti,â He laid down on the arm rest of the couch and grabbed his remote, âYou should call Nathan to come over. He hasnât been here in a while. Plus, heâs so much better at cooking than I am. Right, Angela?âÂ
âYeah!âÂ
I bit the side of my cheek. I donât know about that. Just asking Nathan to come over to cook and then ask him to leave? That was wrong. Plus, he told me before the break that heâll be pretty busy. Or⌠texted me. Either way, I shouldnât bother him. Maybe he actually has a meal with his family for Thanksgiving and they were all getting ready for it already. On the other hand, Lucky makes something else for him and Angela, Angela doesnât eat, and then everything goes downhill from there.Â
Looking at my phone, I picked it up, opening the messages app, and clicked on Nathanâs name. The last time he came here, Jasmine did kind of freak him out. I remember him not being able to leave anyoneâs side if she was in the room. I wonder if heâd even want to come over after that. At school the next day he was a little nervous, but otherwise fine afterward, but Iâm sure whatever Jasmine told him is still stuck in his mind. Ugh. This was such a bad idea.Â
Ryker: I have a huge favor to ask youÂ
I waited for a response, watching Dylan and Lucky play a fighting game against one another. I had no idea who was winning, but Iâm pretty sure it was Lucky. Actually⌠it was kind of weird how Lucky seemed to want Nathan around more often. Like, really weird. Especially when every time Nathan came, he would practically ditch him with me. I honestly donât mind, I liked having Nathan come over, but still. I had wondered why, but I wasnât going to ask.Â
Nathan: Yeah?
Ryker: Do you mind coming over to help Lucky cook something?Â
Ryker: You donât have toÂ
Well, if he says no Lucky will have to make whatever he can and Iâd have to break the news to Angela. If you didnât know, four year olds can be a little hard to deal with sometimes. So, this might just turn out to be a very, very bad day.Â
Nathan: Sure!Â
Nathan: Anything specific?
I stared at his text, relief washing over me. Dylan let out a cheer from winning against Lucky. Wow. Perfect timing. I was just so grateful right now. Nathan was literally the greatest friend ever. Now I have to think of someway to thank him. That shouldnât be too hard, right?Â
Ryker: They wanted spaghetti
Ryker: And thank you Â
Nathan: No problem :)
Ryker: I guess Iâll be at the bus stop in about twenty minutes?Â
Nathan: OkayÂ
I stuffed my phone in my pocket, âOkay, Iâll be right back, just text me if something happens.â I told Dylan, who nodded his head. And with that, I walked out the door and into the cold air.Â
âââNathanâââ
Winters in the city were bad. But not as bad as when we were still help captive. Now those days were terrible. Horrifying even. It was still freakishly cold here. Not something I enjoy. For several reasons really. One being that I already get cold really easily. Two, I just hated being cold and sick. And the most important reason being that it was during this kind of weather when my dad had died. Actually, in three days itâs officially been nine years since my dad died. November 24. A long time, right?Â
It hurts. The memories. Not just of him but how they brutally murdered him in front of his own child. I shuddered at the sight pictured in my mind. Nope. Canât think about that. Right now I should probably be getting ready to head over to the bus stop. I already had packed a tiny bag with the things I needed to cook. Weird enough, it was kind of a therapy for me at this point. To be cooking I mean. I guess thatâs why my mom always gets worried when Iâm baking for no reason. Because she knows.Â
I sighed, giving my mom a quick text that I was heading over to Rykerâs for a little while. The last time I went, I thought everything was going great before Jasmine talked to me alone. everyone had left to go looking for something and it was just her and I. I was scared of course. Weâve never, ever talked before and from what Iâve gathered sheâs really intimidating.Â
Her exact words to me were: âIf you hurt my brother in any way I will personally murder you.â and that was was it took for me to have an entire mental breakdown for nearly two weeks. I mean, who wouldnât be scared if someoneâs sibling threatened you like that? So, the week before the break, I might have been acting a little weird around Ryker, afraid that I might actually do something wrong or hurt him in any way, which I donât really see how I could.Â
Otherwise, I havenât really been doing anything. I told Ryker that I would be busy during the break, but really I wasnât. Only because I do actually have something to do on November 24, and I was already feeling the depression spikes as the day came closer and closer. As for Thanksgiving itself, my mom and I never do anything. Last year we were barely getting used to being in the mental hospital so we didnât really do anything. This year sheâs working so itâll just be me. Nothing new.Â
I made my way down the icy streets, the sun setting faster and faster. It was only getting colder, and I didnât really have a winter jacket. Just some to wear in the classroom like when itâs freezing in there. So, yeah, I was basically freezing my face off. Not to mention that my mom told me it might snow later tonight since it was already under twenty degrees outside. I wasnât used to cold weather.Â
Once I made it to the bus stop, I snuggled up with my bag on the bench, trying to have some kind of warmth. Also because there were several people (giants) who were going back home from stores or getting off of work. The bus stop was actually used for both humans and giants. The human was a little ways from the huge one that was practically as tall as a skyscraper. Maybe taller.Â
My hands were shaky from the cold, but it was only another five minutes before Ryker would come and hopefully I wouldnât be as cold. Maybe. Hopefully. I donât know what today has in store for me. All I knew was that I just wanted to wrap myself in a blanket with some hot chocolate and binge watch something on tv.Â
Ryker came a few minutes later, smiling and giving a thanks before offering a hand. I threw the bag on first before struggling to get on. It was hard when the ground underneath you was starting to freeze over, but I figured it out after trying for a good minute.Â
âYouâre freezing.â Ryker told me, cupping his hand just a little. Sure, it was scary to have his fingers closer to me, but still, it was warm. How could I deny something that was practically calling me?Â
 âThat good?â He smiled, for some reason making sure I was comfortable. But I was not about to complain. I was desperate at this point. I nodded my head, bringing my knees closer to my chest to keep some of my body warmth with me. And yet another reason I hate winter.Â
âThanks again. Sorry for bothering you.âÂ
I continuously shook my head, hoping he would get the message that it was fine. Plus, I liked going over. Everyone was nice (Besides Jasmine Iâm pretty sure she hates me) and never really tried to do anything too crazy with me. It was great. Iâm not as afraid anymore, which was a miracle given I thought I could never trust anyone ever again, and Iâve actually made some friends.Â
Ryker opened the door to his house, where we found them all watching a movie together. Everyone turned their heads as soon as the door closed behind Ryker. I jumped slightly, but relaxed after a while. Nothing to be afraid of. Dylanâs eyes landed on me, giving a smile and a two fingered wave. I waved back, but I doubt he could see it.Â
I was set down on the ground, not entirely expecting to be in a tight hug the second I balanced myself. Lucky bursted out laughing, letting me go, âYou are literally the best, Nathan.â I laughed with him, following Lucky into the room.Â
ââââââ
I didnât eat anything. I wasnât hungry. Of course Ryker tried to convince me to eat something, but I always answered no. Otherwise, dinner was okay. They had Lucky, Angela and I on the coffee table, which wasnât really too big of a deal. Iâm pretty sure Ryker and Dylan just didnât want to handle any humans while they were eating, and hey, I was not about to say anything about it. There are just some things that will never leave my mind.Â
After everyone ate, Dylan and Lucky started playing a game on the tv while Isabelle and Angela were playing hide and seek Iâm pretty sure. I just hoped that no one would get hurt, but Ryker quickly reassured me that they would never harm one another. I just had to believe him. Most of his siblings are stuck together like glue. Which is a good thing.Â
âItâs supposed to start snowing in a little bit.â Ryker announced, earning cheers from the other room where I was guessing Angela and Isabelle were. I was sitting on the arm rest of the couch by Ryker. I kind of wished that their house was a little warmer, because I was still annoyingly cold, but beggars canât be choosers. I should have asked to grab a blanket.Â
âNice. Are we gonna go out?â Dylan asked, eyes glued to the screen. I had no idea who was winning, but I think it was him.Â
âIf you want to.âÂ
Ryker threw his phone on the other side of the couch, turning his head to the screen. I donât want to go outside, but Iâll go if that makes things easier. I just donât want to be in the snow. Reasons. Remember?Â
It was about ten minutes later that it did actually start snowing. Angela and Isabelle were begging Ryker to let them outside, which he just laughed to and told them to get jackets on and to bring their hats. Dylan paused their game to go get on a jacket, and Ryker left to go help Isabelle. So I was alone in the living room while everyone was busy to go have some fun. I hated winter. In just three days. I reminded myself.Â
What would happen? Would someone else be claimed victim? Something bad always happens during this time. I donât know if it was just me. It probably was. Everyone else was smiling while I was crying in the corner. Itâs how it was in the hospital. They all went outside if they could, and I stayed in my room, under the blankets and shove my face into my pillow to drown out my tears. I couldnât do that now though. Not when so many people had their eyes on me. Not when a trip back to the hospital was a very viable option for me. I didnât want to go back. Not because of something⌠traumatic that happened nine years ago. I should be over it, right? But Iâm not.Â
There goes one of my depression spells. Great. Just great. At a time like this? I sucked in a deep breath, calming myself down before anyone notices. This was embarrassing.Â
Ryker came back into the room, eyes landing on me with an unsure look on his face. He walked up to me, holding a hand out. Was he not going to wear any gloves? He wouldnât be cold? I stood up, keeping my balance on the soft surface underneath me and walking to climb onto his hand.Â
âYou donât mind if I just keep you in my hand, right? I donât want you to be freezing.â He asked. I shook my head, sitting down in the middle of his palm. That was actually what I preferred. I did not plan whatsoever to go into the snow anyways.Â
Once everyone was outside, Ryker sat down on the stairs, cupping his hand and keeping me close. A little uneasy about it, but there was really no reason to be. Itâs just instinct. And everything in me right now is saying to get the hell inside. But I wasnât going to say that. Mostly because I donât want to be alone. Â
They were all screaming and laughing. It was snowing pretty hard too, already covering most of the frosted grass just after ten minutes. Other people were also sitting outside. Their kids playing around with the snow. I tried not to focus on that. Instead, I found myself scooting back slowly, almost to where I couldnât see the heavy fall of the white flakes.Â
My body was still freezing. It was so much colder than before. Was this how dad felt? The cold pricking at his skin I mean.Â
âNathan?â My thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice above me. I groaned, body shaking and stuffing my hands in my pockets to preserve some of my body heat. I shuddered a breath, trembling. Itâs so cold⌠How could they even be having fun like this? I looked ahead, seeing Dylan helping Isabelle make a small snowman with both Angela and Lucky stuffed in his scarf. This was just another one of my depression spells.Â
âStill cold?â Ryker asked me. I took a deep breath, âY-YeahâŚâ It came out more like a quiet mumble, and I was surprised that he even heard me. Did he want to help them make a snowman? He probably did. I should just tell him to leave me inside. It would make things a million times easier for everyone.Â
Ryker moved his hand a bit, making me worried about what he was trying to do, but he just kept it the same. I wondered why he was going through all this trouble just for me. There was really no point. There was only a couple more months until graduation and then weâd go our separate ways. Thatâs how it always goes. Iâd be alone again, figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. Thatâs how my story goes.Â
âBetter?âÂ
I nodded my head, getting to a comfortable position and decided to just watch what they were all doing. Finishing up the head of the snowman. It was comfy even though I was kind of scared from being in someoneâs hand. At least now that is. Currently I was just afraid of falling into the deep snow. Iâm pretty sure if I fell Iâd sink into it. Not something I would like to see or imagine.Â
âYou okay?â Ryker asked, softly smiling above me. There was no other response other than to nod. I couldnât just say no. That wouldnât do any good. But.. maybe if he notices that these next few days would be hard for me. Maybe. Just maybe. I doubt it though. I donât plan on being here all of the time anyways. I couldnât.Â
Isabelle finished the snowman, grabbing some loose twigs for arms as they stepped back. It was still snowing, just not as much. Was dad watching me right now? Was he shocked just as much as I was? I never thought Iâd ever be able to be around another giant for as long as I had lived, and here I am, sitting in one of their hands. Would he think I was crazy? Delusional? Psycho? Happy like my mom even? I would never know, but even I think I was crazy.Â
Actually⌠why did I even trust Ryker? Or really anyone. Theyâre all so nice of course, but about four months ago I was so sure that every giant would only hurt me, and it almost became true with that lunch incident that felt like forever ago. So why did I trust these people with my life? In the back of my mind I keep thinking that this was all just a sick joke being played on me. But⌠I donât think these people are lying about anything. They donât have a reason to. And Rykerâs been nothing but patient, and kind, and⌠understanding. No one would go through all that trouble just to fool someone as gullible as me.Â
I sighed, snuggling up closer to Rykerâs thumb and watching Isabelle throw snowballs at Dylan who was shielding Lucky and Angela from the crossfire. Was it scary being there? In the midst of everything? Having to trust someone at least fifty times your size to keep you safe? I sucked in a shaky breath, just watching. It wasnât so bad really.Â
âââRykerâââ
Today was November 24. Thanksgiving was here, and everything was a complete mess. I never learned how to make a turkey like the tradition, so usually I just made something that all of us had liked. Along with that, I had to make sure no one did anything too crazy while I was busy in the kitchen. Jasmine and Dylan were helping out cooking while I ordered something for Lucky and Angela. They both agreed on pizza (Because what else does a fourteen year-old and a four year-old want) so now I was busy with that. That part was mostly because Angela didnât like when Lucky cooks something different.Â
It was just pure chaos now. Everyone was running around the house, and at that point I had to ask Jasmine to keep an eye on Angela to make sure she didnât wander off where we couldnât find her. I wasnât too worried about Lucky since heâs almost always with Dylan, plus heâs smart enough to stay off the floor when itâs something like this.Â
I took out the lasagna, letting it cool down before making separate plates. Yeah, I know, super weird, but I canât do anything better. I only know the basics thanks to my parents, and that was all I needed to know.Â
There was a knock on the door, and I asked Dylan to open it. It was just the pizza. I washed whatever dishes I had and called everyone that dinner was ready. Itâs days like this where I wished that my parents never left. I feel like I can never be like them even though I was the oldest. I mean, was I just supposed to let CPS split us all apart? I couldnât do that. My siblings would never forgive me. I like to think that theyâre all happy, but I doubt it. Sometimes I feel like I canât do anything to help any of them. Like Iâm doing this âparentingâ thing all wrong. Of course I was. I was seventeen in my last year of high school taking care of five kids on my own while also juggling a job and trying to do fun things with them so we can forget about what happened a little over a year ago. There was no reason for one person to be doing all of this.Â
It was snowing outside again. Not really surprising when youâve lived here for your entire life. It was really nice though. I loved the cold. Weird, because most people donât, but I do. I remember my parents freaking out when I would just be outside making a snowman in just a short sleeve and sweatpants when I was a kid. Of course it was so cold it burned, but I guess I kind of liked it? It was hard to explain. Or sometimes weâd stay inside and watch movies or play a game. I missed it really.Â
âRy.â Jasmine snapped her fingers in front of me to get my attention. I blinked a couple times before giving a clueless look. She groaned, âI asked if I could go shopping tomorrow, I have work the next three days so I just wanna go do something.â
âOh, um, sure.âÂ
The tv was playing in the background, but I wasnât paying attention. Come to think of it, I donât think I was paying attention to anything. Dylan, Jasmine, and Lucky were all laughing about something. What were they laughing about again? Something about going back to school? I donât even want to think about that right now. I needed a break anyways. Most of my classes love giving me piles and piles of work anyways.Â
I sighed, pushing away my plate that I had barely eaten. The sun has already set, everyone was done eating, Angela asked Jasmine if she could go outside in the snow. She said yes, and so Isabelle followed. Dylan and Lucky were helping me wash the remaining dishes. Honestly I already felt so tired. It was only 8 p.m but my eyes threatened to close at any moment.Â
âYou okay, Ry?â Dylan asked, putting a plate up in the cabinet.Â
âYeah.â I replied, handing him another to dry. Lucky shook his head while continuously saying ânoâ over and over again. At some point Dylan grew tired of it and pressed the pad of his thumb into Luckyâs entire upper half of his body.Â
âHeâs not wrong. Youâre always like this on holidays.âÂ
âI am?â I sighed, not really knowing how to get out of this one. These two have always been vigilant anyways. They would have noticed at some point.Â
âYeah.âÂ
âI donât know. I just feel really tired today.â Â
âThatâs it?âÂ
âMhm.âÂ
Dylan gave me a skeptical look before putting in another plate. He doesnât believe me. I donât think he ever will about these kinds of things.Â
âWhy donât you call Nathan? You always seem happier around him.âÂ
I stopped only for a second, then continued to scrub off something on the pan I used. No. I wonât call him. Not this time. No matter how many times heâs actually made me feel better just by being here. Iâve noticed I was happier around him too, but itâs only short lived since he always goes back at the end of the day. Do I know why I was happier? Not really. Iâve thought of a few reasons. Because heâs the only friend Iâve made since middle school. He listens to me ramble on and on about the most useless information. Best of all heâs really nice. Doesnât really seem like heâs tricking me either. Not that I think he could even if he wanted to. He was too sweet.Â
âNo.â I sighed. Cleaning out the sink and handing off the last dish.Â
âWhy not?â Dylan asked leaning against the counter.Â
âCause Iâm tired. No point in calling if Iâm just going to fall asleep,â I countered, drying my hands and heading to my room, âMake sure Isabelle and Angela are asleep by 10? Please?â Â
Dylan nodded his head, I closed the door behind me and buried myself under the covers of my bed. I canât keep on relying on Nathan to come fix every problem I have. Heâs probably off dealing with whatever heâs doing right now anyways. But still, my hand reached for my phone, grabbing it and opening the messages app. Iâm just gambling with myself at this point. If he answers in the next ten minutes Iâll ask to call, if he doesnât, Iâll head to sleep. Either way itâs really a win-win. And here it goes.Â
âââNathanâââ
I was laying on my bed, under the covers. No lights, no sounds, just nothing. I had cried earlier this morning when I visited his grave. My eyes were dry now. Red and puffy. I just sat curling in on myself while clutching the same teddy bear he gave me when I was still just a kid. It was childish, but if itâs all I have left of him then Iâm taking advantage of that.Â
Ironic, huh? How this holiday was supposed to bring family together. It was actually the opposite for me. Even though he didnât actually die on this holiday, itâs just ironic how it happened this year. When weâre finally free and live like a ânormalâ family now. Was he watching me now? Sad and lonely in my bed? I hope he wasnât. Heâd scold me.Â
My phone went off, but I didnât feel like looking at it. Itâs not like I wanted to be alone. Usually my mom would cheer me up by taking my mind off of it. Whether it was playing some makeshift game or just doing something I liked with me. What else was there to say? This year was the year I was completely alone.Â
I sucked in a deep breath, picking up my phone with sore arms. I spent most of the day digging out the old flowers on his grave and replacing them with new ones. It was hard to do when a thin sheet of snow was covering most of the dirt and grass, but it was worth it to see the bright a beautiful colors. His favorites were lilacs. I remember mom telling me that.Â
My eyes shot up when I saw who texted me. Ryker? I mean it was already night, so I doubt he was going to ask if I wanted to go over. But⌠I was kind of curious now.Â
Ryker: Hey
Ryker: How was your day?Â
Ryker: Youâre probably doing something right now but Iâd just thought Iâd check what you were doingÂ
Sent five minutes ago. Why did he want to know what I was doing? It seemed weird to me, but maybe he was just bored. Did they celebrate? I hope they did. They seem to be happy with each other.Â
Nathan: It was okay :)Â
Nathan: And yours?Â
Ryker: Chaotic
Nathan: OhÂ
I wasnât technically lying. My day was okay despite crying for most of it.Â
Ryker: YeahhhÂ
Ryker: Do you feel like calling?Â
Ryker: You donât have to of courseÂ
I thought about it. It wouldnât be that bad. Might keep my mind occupied.
 Nathan: SureÂ
And so he called.Â
âHello?â His voice sounded tired and sad, like he just woke up or something. I couldnât find my voice. Itâs become rasp from sobbing anyways. Itâd be embarrassing for it to sound like that over the phone. So hopefully itâll get better in the morning.Â
âOh, right,â He sighed, âSorry. I just felt like talking and usually you listen. You can just hang up if you donât want to though.â He sounded nervous, but I didnât want to hang up. Not only because it was the wrong thing to do, but because I always loved listening to what he was saying. No matter how irrelevant it was. It distracted my mind from everything wrong with me. And he seemed to like it when I did.Â
Nathan: Iâm listeningÂ
I heard him let out a little chuckle before talking. I could hear at some points it sounded like he was going to cry, and some he sounded like he was so hurt, and sometimes heâd laugh. He changed the subject multiple times, but I kind of liked it. I just wished I could help in some other way. It sounded to me like he was stressed out and just wanted someone to be there, and Iâm surprised none of his siblings were. Or maybe they were, but he just doesnât want to put all of this on them. It seemed like something he would do.Â
By the time he was done, it was an hour before midnight. Funny thing was, I wasnât tired anymore. I was putting together pieces in my mind still about everything he had talked about. How he was mentally tired of juggling five things around at once. I would be too if I were him. How heâs been more and more exhausted by the end of the day. How his parents usually did all of these kinds of things. I was going to ask what happened to them, but I feel like that was a touchy subject. Especially when he just vented to me. I donât mind though. Not at all.Â
âOh crap. Sorry for keeping you up.â Ryker apologized, saying sorry about five times before I texted him that it was okay. I wasnât going to sleep anytime soon.Â
âThanks. Yâknow. For listening.â I heard him yawn on the other side. He was the one tired. I silently laughed to myself, hugging the bear closer to my chest. If only he could see me now⌠this was embarrassing. Heâd probably make fun of me for it. I wouldnât care.Â
âYouâre too nice, you know that?â I heard shuffling on the other side of the phone. Probably Ryker getting ready to go to sleep. And I know this was selfish, but I didnât want him to hang up. I didnât want my mind to realize that I was alone again. Was is it really selfish then? To me, yes. It feels like I was making him do something he didnât want to.Â
âHey, um, remember when you tried hugging me that one time? Whyâd you do it?â He had asked, and I could practically see his face. Confused and happy at the same time. He was talking about when I had to stay overnight. I knew that would come up eventually, just not so soon.Â
Nathan: Nobodyâs ever been so nice to me before. Besides my mom of courseÂ
Nathan: But I was kind of shocked you agreed without complainingÂ
Nathan: Are you mad about it?
âMad? Nononono. Um, the complete opposite really,â He laughed quietly, âI was shocked, yeah, but happy too.âÂ
That gets rid of the guilt. I swear I thought I ruined everything between us, but now I know what he really thought. He wasnât mad at me for anything.Â
âWhat about the other day? When it was snowing. You looked comfortable. Like you were about to sleep.â My cheeks started blushing from embarrassment. I had hoped he didnât see me snuggling closer into his palm to stay warm, but apparently he did. So embarrassing. I groaned quietly to myself, tightly hugging the bear closer.Â
Nathan: SorryÂ
Nathan: I was coldÂ
Nathan: You were warmÂ
Nathan: Sorry againÂ
It was silent for a second.Â
âWhy do you apologize for things like that?âÂ
I didnât know the answer to that question. Usually my mind just takes over and then I spiral into the worst possible scenarios. So I have no idea why I do. Maybe because my brain thinks Iâll get hurt if I donât? My body was scared of getting another broken bone or something getting hurt?Â
Nathan: I donât knowÂ
It was silent again.Â
âDo⌠do you like being around me? I-I mean most people stop talking to me as soon as they get what they want. So, I was just wondering.â His voice sounded hurt. Obviously this ha sharpened once or twice to him. And it hurt to hear that these things have happened to someone so amazing. I could never do that to Ryker. Itâd hurt me more than itâd hurt him.Â
âY-yes.â I almost immediately replied, my voice a little raspy. It hurt to speak, but it was fine. Itâll get better in time.Â
I heard him let out a sigh of relief, and I smiled. I was finally doing the right thing for once in my life. Iâm kind of glad this was how the day ended.Â
âI would give you a hug if you were here⌠and if you were comfortable enough with it,â We both laughed quietly, âIâll let you go to sleep. Iâve kept you up long enough.âÂ
I shook my head, forgetting that he wasnât here to see it. I didnât want him to go. Then again he sounded exhausted. Then I would be the one keeping him up. Or he doesnât even have to stay awake. Just the knowledge that I knew he was just on the other side of the phone was enough to make me feel like I wasnât alone.Â
âU-Um you d-donât have to s-stay up b-but could we stay⌠stay on call? P-Please.â I waited for an answer, biting my tongue for stuttering so much. My body was shaky for no reason. I was nervous. He was going to say no. He was going to say no. He was going to-Â
âI would love that.âÂ
I wish he could see the smile I had on my face. How fast my heart was beating. I laid down under the covers, getting comfortable and staring at my phone that read: Ryker: 3:14. Three hours and fourteen minutes. Another seven wonât hurt.Â
âThank you.âÂ
I fell asleep a couple minutes after he did. No nightmares haunted me tonight.
âââââââââââââ
My heart is meltinggggggg
By the way, this was not the great scene I was talking about. This was just one of many to make the one I actually want to write make sense.
Anywayssss I told you guys it would be a little plot heavy for a while! I loved how this chapter came out though.
Hope you enjoyed, and thank you for reading! Love you guys!
#g/t#g/t writing#g/t community#sfw g/t#giant/tiny#g/t comfort#g/t fluff#restoration#oc: nathan#oc: ryker#oc: dylan#oc: lucky#No because why does my mind do this to me#Oh nooo I gave the both trauma#Itâs for the plot I swear#I have the greatest idea ever#But itâs also gonna make me cry#WHY DID I DO THIS???!!!#GRAHHHH#love you guys â¤ď¸
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I need to vent for a hot minute.
Saw something today that was like 'why do people care about how much vocabulary a learning program has' and I'm not touching that with a can of worms but fuck do I have thoughts. It was about glossika, and it's just like. Sure, that kind of statement might be easy to say about a program teaching say Spanish or French to an english speaker. Most beginner programs teach 2000-3000 words, and only that many, but with Spanish or French the english cognates are like 20,000 or something so you are going to understand enough to jump into intermediate stuff (and reading/listening if you're bold) after that beginner program.
But if you're learning something with no fucking cognates, yes words taught makes a big difference! 3000 words learned in chinese is JUST 2000, you don't get many cognates to help you navigate watching shows and having conversations! You're going to try to read a novel for teens/young adults with 8000 words and only know fucking 2000... There's a reason I think very few fucking learning programs are useful to Anyone beyond beginner.
I looked up Linguaphone because it was recommended by a teacher who's studied successful language learning. Linguaphone teaches a whopping 2,000 words... and it's program claims to be beginner-intermediate-advanced. I'm sorry, that's just not fucking true. Beginner classes in Japanese teach from Genki 1 and 2, which teach a total of ~1700 words (which by the way I personally wish they taught more). So if Linguaphone teaches 2,000 words... it's teaching only 300 more than Beginner Japanese college courses, at a huge generous STRETCH it can claim to teach a little bit of intermediate stuff. Linguaphone's japanese course is NOT enough to have advanced material, that's just outright not something it has, despite it's labels. JLPT, the standardized test for japanese, has N3 as it's intermediate level, and requires 3,700 words known... Linguaphone's course is far fucking short of that. So no, Linguaphone is not intermediate by any decent comparison to other standardized-level intermediate Japanese measures (college classes have to teach, usually, X amount each year, and try to line up with CEFR standards or the standards of the standardized test to grade proficiency in a language... so college Intermediate courses and Textbooks are more likely to align closer to standardized tests, whereas fucking programs sold by tons of companies... so OFTEN fucking claim they teach intermediate or advanced when they at most just teach A1-A2/Beginner level stuff... and frankly, beginners can learn that stuff either 1. for free easy, 2. from a standard textbook or class that will get them through it in 1 semester to 2 years (rather than wasting time on an app for 4 years thinking 'it will get me to advanced!' when really no it's only getting you to upper beginner babes and that doesn't need to take years!).
Anyway. My deep dive into Linguaphone yesterday pissed me off so much. Because a huge pet peeve of mine is seeing language programs claim they teach advanced material, when they so clearly fucking don't. Intermediate and Advanced learners have very few useful options from apps or for-purchase courses, it's pretty much just standard textbook or college class or self study with material for native speakers... if you're lucky, a few self-study books for your target language will have information useful for you at the intermediate level.
As far as I can tell there's only 2 big apps that are useful at the intermediate stage, or just getting you past upper beginner: ones that teach more than 2000-3000 fucking words. Word count is a big indicator of if a fucking app is going to ACTUALLY be beginner-content-only, or if their claims about 'intermediate level content' are actually true.
Clozemaster for SURE teaches thousands of words, all it takes is clicking a language on that app and checking out the sentence collections. Clozemaster is not lying if it says it teaches up to intermediate level (thank fuck for less lying among a language app for once). The negatives of clozemaster: it's free option now limits new words you can learn per day, so you can no longer use it to learn a decent amount daily unless you get the paid version. It's sentences are from Tatoeba so they sometimes contain errors, and the translations are Machine Translations so they also sometimes contain errors. And a negative for me personally: it's all basically SRS flashcards you have to click constantly to progress through, which means it's like using Anki and I can't focus well on those types of apps (but great for those who can). And for many people, anki has user-made 5,000-20,000 word vocabulary decks in their target language on anki, so anki is going to be a better-made-sentence-deck (less errors in some decks when compared with Clozemaster sentences) that's also FREE. Now, clozemaster has it's positives: when it was Free, I used it, and the natural sentence examples from Tatoeba with Japanese were phenomenal for getting me used to REAL reading instead of easier textbook-style grammar which the anki decks often held-my-hand more with, and it was useful in getting my French from 'able to read a graded reader' to 'able to read fiction novels with ease.' If you study a language with no good anki deck, or can't focus on anki (I can't), then Clozemaster is a good option. I like Clozemaster's radio mode, I just wish they improved it to work better.
And Glossika. That's the other big app on the market that teaches 5000 words and 6400 sentences for most languages it offers. It claims to teach from A1-C1, and while I think that is a big fucking lie... I did look up word list requirements for B1 and B2, and ~4,000 is required for B2 French and German tests. So vocabulary wise, if glossika teaches 5000 words like it claims, then Glossika IS teaching more vocabulary than B2 and I can see why it's claiming C1 level... for the vocabulary it teaches beyond B2, I would guess. If glossika ALSO Actually Teaches all the grammar points through A1-B2 through sentence examples, then it's claims might well have a relatively true basis. So like... why does word count matter? WHY? Oh... I don't know... maybe because, the fact glossika teaches 5000 words, is the main fucking reason it's claim of A1-C1 levels is not completely and totally misleadingly malicious. I still think it's partly a fucking lie, because from what I've seen so far of 4800 sentences, I'm not seeing much intermediate stuff at all. But... I do think Glossika's claims it teaches intermediate level, are definitely strengthened by the fact it ACTUALLY has a vocabulary taught count to back up that claim. Linguaphone teaches 3000 fucking words... of course it's lying when it says it's intermediate or advanced! But Glossika's only claiming 'conversational' in most of their advertising materials and posts, so the main lie is the fucking A1-C1 levels they list the sentences in. And if they're basing the A1-C1 claim on vocabulary count... then at least I can see their own justification a bit. The short of it is: without the large vocabulary taught count glossika has, it would only be comparable to beginner level apps on the market. And if it was only beginner level, why even fucking use it? When there's a million FREE resources, and free apps (like duolingo), that teach the beginner stuff. I would never fucking pay for glossika if it only taught what duolingo did.
Linguaphone charging almost $300 for the equivalent offerings to duolingo (or the cheap Teach Yourself books) pissed me off so much I'm going to take a week to let go of it and push Linguaphone out of my fucking memory.
(Now, of course, if duolingo has 6000 words for french or spanish then I guess duo does actually teach intermediate level for those, but I've only used duo for Japanese and lmao that fucker has 3000 words and that's it... and there's alternative beginner apps for Japanese that work better for Japanese in particular given the need to teach kanji as well).
Anyway... why does vocabulary count in an app matter? Well, it fucking matters if you're not a beginner that's why -.-
Maybe if you're learning a language with tons of cognates to your own, it doesn't matter much, because by the time you're an upper beginner you can transition to just using shows/books/podcasts and not needing learner made material. But... if the language you're learning has no cognates, you really do need to learn MORE than the basics to start doing shit in the language.
Yeah, I only used beginner material before jumping into reading Chinese, and that meant I had to look up THOUSANDS of words my first 2 years of learning! Because I still needed to learn several thousand fucking words (and a few thousand hanzi) to get to a point where I could just read or listen to chinese, at least in Some native material, and not need word-lookups to fucking understand the main idea. You want to compare? Like. For fucking example, an english speaker learning spanish can probably understand Peppa Pig in spanish within a few hundred hours. I certainly haven't studied spanish for more than 200 hours and have no trouble understanding Peppa Pig in spanish. An english speaker learning Japanese? It's going to take at least several hundred hours. (To be fair, maybe less if you focus on listening and vocab cram immediately). I've been studying Japanese like 6 fucking years and know ~3000 words and I am only now able to follow the Main Idea and Some Details of what's said in Peppa Pig in japanese (and I'm leaning on the visuals too). Even if I'd cram studied, and studied better, in my first few years, and studied 4 hours a day, I don't think I'd be able to understand this much of Peppa Pig in Japanese for at least 6 months (~at like 730 hours).
Without cognates in your target language... you really have a steeper fucking hurdle going from upper beginner, to intermediate, and vocabulary is a significant part of the hurdle. And that's partly why you see a lot of Chinese and Japanese learners just looking up a FUCK TON of words when they first start trying to read and watch stuff in the language. When I learned French? I looked up a handful of words per article I'd read, for 6 months, extensively read graded readers, and then enjoyed myself afterward with never having to look up words again if I didn't want to. Compared to Chinese, where half the novels I read I would look up every single fucking unknown word, especially in the beginning when I needed to learn a lot more hanzi and words to get closer to 95% known words in... pretty much anything.
There's nothing wrong with a learning material that only teaches 2000-3000 words. (What does irk me, is how many of those fucking materials claim they teach intermediate and advanced stuff). It's just like... there is a fucking reason SOME LEARNERS may want SOME LEARNING MATERIAL that goes beyond that amount of words! Not everyone is 'all set' after learning the basic common words. (Hell, even english speakers learning a language with a lot of cognates may Prefer to learn more words in the target language before reading/listening rather than just make guesses and uncertainly run into false cognates). Like fuck... there's hardly any intermediate material in apps. It gets real frustrating to see people think there's not even a Need for intermediate material. There is a need. A need that's not being met. Hardly any apps exist that help at that level.
To break into a tangent, a less angry one, I am happy to say I know someone who's working on an app to teach 10,000 words. If they actually commit to that feature, then I think their app will be a good possible alternative to Glossika or Clozemaster, for upper beginners and intermediate learners who don't have many good apps offering the level of vocab they need. I'll mention the app when it releases, and probably review it at some point. I'm hoping they settle on a better freemium model then fucking Clozemaster uses, since Clozemaster's tiny amount of sentences per day for free users made it utter shit unless you pay.
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Cadybear's Reviews- The Phantom Agent
Welcome to the thirty-eighth official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about The Phantom Agent, which I have ranked on the "Gold Tier" at 8 stars out of a possible 10. My last and only playthrough of this was during October-December 2022 (and completed in October 2023).
I really enjoyed this one, partly because Iâm a sucker for secret agent/spy/James Bond type stories, and partly because there were a lot of refreshing elements of this.Â
First, I love having a MC that is experienced at their profession rather than the usual newbie. I know PB probably makes the MCs newbies to make them more self-insertable, it is possible to have a self-insertable MC that is also experienced.Â
Like, weâre playing a secret agent book. We already expect, going in, that MC is gonna be a secret agent, one way or another. Sometimes a newbie MC can make the introduction to the environment and the characters feel more natural, but it can also work to make them more experienced/familiar if you leave the backstory up to interpretation. Anyways.Â
Second, this is probably the only GOC-LI story in the whole app where the wlm route is infinitely more interesting than the mlw version. Iâve seen some people suspect that this one was written with a mlw route in mind, rather than how most books tend to be written with wlm in mind. And I do think thatâs possibly true, considering stuff like fem!body MC being complimented for their âbroad shouldersâ when they wear the premium doctor disguise, or m!Agent Greyâs swim trunks being described as âa swimsuit that hugs his hipsâ (extra pain on that last one btw, when are we gonna get male/masc!body swimsuits that actually hug their hips instead of the shopping bag ass swim trunks).Â
But whatever the case, it still made for a damn good and refreshing wlm playthrough. MC can be flirty, but in a very suave way, rather than sultry and enticing manner that PB often gives to flirtatious MC behaviors. Instead, itâs characters like Nurse Lou and Alexis Reid who are flirty in an enticing manner. Weâve got Nurse Lou, who gets reeeaaallll hot and bothered for MC after learning theyâre the one who saved the hospital. Weâve got Alexis Reid, who acts very seductive and almost femme-fatale-ish to MC.Â
Itâs such a great change in pace for MCâs dynamics with hookups and LIs. Even little moments with other GOC characters like MC checking out Agent Greyâs ass and hips in a vent, or Rowan hooking their leg around MCâs hip when theyâre fighting, are just refreshing as all fuck.Â
I didnât care much for Agent Grey though. I mean, they were alright as a character and they do fit the role of the obligatory prissy/sultry female character that partners with James Bond, but at least those ones had some character. Grey was much more stale and didnât really have a lot of personality outside of basically being a tsundere, so that made it weird when they tried to push them as a big romantic love interest.Â
Rowan wasnât bad either, but they werenât exactly much better in terms of how much character they had and I found it harder to get a feel for their history with the MC. Similarly with Perdita, I never felt like they had as much importance as the writers wanted them to have. And they donât really explain how Rowanâs death was faked or why they sided with the Architect.Â
Also, I loved the music. Especially the opening theme, which is very clearly inspired by âNo Time To Dieâ. The neurons that were activated in my brain when I watched that movie and we got to the parts of that song that sounded just like the tune from TPA. Like, the first few instrumental bits in the middle of the song are almost the exact same as the last part of the Choices soundtrack. Definitely adds to the whole âJames Bondâ feel of the story. If anything confirms that this story is PBâs take on a James Bond film, this is it.
Overall, I think itâs a fun story. Not one of the best-made stories, itâs still pretty uni-directional, but itâs still a breath of fresh air in its respective Choices era, and probably enjoyable if you like to chill out to spy stories.
#choices stories you play#choices#choices game#choices stories we play fandom#choices stories we play#choices tpa#tpa choices#tpa#choices the phantom agent#the phantom agent#cadybear's reviews
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CalmWriMo Log November 2nd - Wait, wasnât I supposed to be calm?
first log, letâs go! Iâm hoping to remember to do this more often throughout the month because i loooove talking and loooooove talking about my writing also. so letâs get through this!
writing day started out great with a very quick 315 word drabble i did in my ten min break at work. a little thing about Leia, which is fun, and iâll probably post it some of these days, even though itâs just a very very quick couple of words.
i use StimuWrite most of the time and decided to get myself a new theme pack. which is fantastic, by the way, and i really do hope they release more themes soon. absolute sucker for that stuff. the type writer noises help me focus so much and they do have a nanowrimo sale going on so i might as well grab another one of the themes if i feel like it. i think that app is single-handedly carrying me through this month
finished chapter 13! i wrote 792 words of the total 4119 this chapter currently has. the formatting is definitely wonky as fuck and i really do need to figure out how to make it look a little nicer, but the words are all there, and thatâs good!
finished chapter 14 as well? somehow? im telling you, itâs the fucking stimuwrite. anyways so for the first time in my life i finished an entire chapter in one evening. it is âonlyâ 4501 words long, but thatâs good, thatâs fine. i donât want to stress myself too much about irregular chapter lengths. iâm also really glad that i have a couple of chapters in my backlog again since i am posting as iâm writing.
so on day two, in total, iâve written: 5608 words. this is one of the most productive writing days iâve had in a while!
now my goals for tomorrow:
since iâve done a LOT of writing today, iâll let myself take it slower. first priority is to edit chapter 12 as soon as i get home from work so i can post it, and then i can decide what iâm more in the mood for? i would love to get into the flow and start with chapter 15, which is gonna be a very exciting one to write for me, but i also think itâs time to focus more on the self care aspect of this whole thing, and just do some chill video game farming while listening to an audio book.
i also wanna look through the calmwrimo tag and check out what other people are up to! ive already been lurking the whole day, itâs nice to have some insight into the writerblr community!
overall iâm already. really happy with my work. just the fact that i have a specific goal in mind is motivating me to sit down and write, and i do actually love pushing myself to write just a little more, and a little more, and just a tiny little bit more. this is gonna be fun! iâm having fun! this is good! eek!
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Post by u/JessicaPink703 on the r/MtF subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/MtF/s/jrT4Y1VUmx
"guide for those of you who have just figured out you are a transfeminine person to give you some ideas and resources on how to get started with transitioning. Let me start out by saying that there is no right or wrong way to transition, but I will personally share how I did it here with resources to provide a starting point:
(1) Get your name and pronouns decided and set, you need to cover your bases on who you are first. My suggestion would be to use a gender specific name (making it easier for you and others to learn to recognize it) that is close to your deadname but of course with it clearly specifying your new gender.
(2) I suggest getting your underwear and bras/forms together in order so you can do regular womenâs clothing. Here are links for my recommendations:
I suggest using TomboyX for your Bralette and forms which will allow you to appear to have boobs before HRT (and even after): https://tomboyx.com/collections/bralette and https://tomboyx.com/products/foam-bra-inserts-white
I suggest getting bottom Panties from LeoLines on Etsy which will feminize your bottom areaâs appearance without needing to tuck (follow the sizing instructions provided in the description to make sure they fit): https://www.etsy.com/shop/LeoLines
(3) Next step, hair. Growing it out and getting proper haircuts is obviously a way to do it, but a lot of us will want hair extenders instead while we grow it out. I suggest checking out the Hair Extenders here from Ulta (and if you need an actual wig due to balding, I suggest finding a local salon that specializes in wig fittings, never hurts to call and ask if the place is trans affirming before going): https://www.ulta.com/shop/tools-brushes/accessories/hair-extensions?N=27gl
(4) Makeup is the next step to get the ultimate girl vibes! I suggest you use three products to make your face appear more feminine and skip doing any more (as these three manipulate the light on your face). Lipstick, blush, and mascara. It takes a bit of practice finding the right types, practicing how you do it, and getting the color right, but it will totally be worth it! Stores like Ulta Beauty can help you find which ones match your hair and skin color best, or you can experiment with apps like YouCam Makeup to find the right ones.
(5) Get your new wardrobe together! I myself (biased because Iâm my local storeâs former Fitting Room Lead) suggest shopping in the womenâs section at Old Navy. With our beautiful and proud Body Equality initiative in everything, you are sure to find something that fits you (and itâs so lax and accepting with the brand being so LGBTQ+ focused and inclusive no one cares what clothes you try on even pre transition, often with gender neutral Fitting Rooms). I myself suggest their Everyday Magic items that fit about anyone with their flexibility and beautiful designs!
(6) The next step, once you are ready, is to put everything into action and start living your life fully just as any other woman would (including coming out, dressing as such, using the womenâs restroom, using your name and pronouns, etc). Congratulations, you have successfully socially transitioned! Now time to explore medical and legal changes you will likely want to make.
(7) Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is for most people the beginning of their medical transitions. But let me stress this, you can be trans and a woman without it! Doing HRT or not doing it makes you neither. But, if you experience Gender Dysphoria, the changes physically to your body are often medically necessary for many to help improve your quality of life. You will want to have this done under the supervision of an experienced and licensed healthcare professional, as DIY HRT can be deadly. These professionals can later refer you for surgeries if you wish to pursue them as part of your journey. Here are two sources you can obtain it from often for little to no cost:
If a Planned Parenthood near you happens to offer HRT and you are in the United States, they will likely be your go to place. Many of them accept Medicaid and Medicare (if you qualify for the former based on your income and are not in one of the few states that restricts coverage for trans people, which I might add is illegal and I suggest reaching out to a nonprofit attorney if you have problems with insurance covering it), and often other financial assistance programs too. Enter in your location at this link to see if one near you offers HRT at this link: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-center?location=Chicago&service=lgbtservice&channel=any&page=1
If you are outside of the United States, are in a state with little to no providers, with transition bans, couldnât find a Planned Parenthood near you, or have poor/no insurance, I suggest an international provider called GenderGP (Plume is another potential similar US option). They are a reasonably affordable virtual provider that has experienced and licensed professionals to provide HRT to anyone almost anywhere in the world (they do not take insurance, but are close to at cost rates, currently around $1k USD all in a year): https://www.gendergp.com/
If you are in the USA and want to use GenderGP, I suggest they send your prescription to CostPlusDrugs (works even in states HRT is banned), who can mail prescriptions anywhere in the United States cheap with no insurance: https://costplusdrugs.com/
Trouble affording, over 18, and facing Medicaid bans in the US? Take a look here: https://www.pointofpride.org/hrt-access-fund#requirements
(8) Finally, Iâd like to touch on changing your legal name and gender in the United States (will not cover other countries in this guide, since each one is different). All states allow you to legally change your name by means of obtaining a court order. Here is how to update your identification documents:
You may wish to change your legal name by petitioning your applicable local state or county court with the correct documentation. Some states also permit people to change the legal gender on their Birth Certificate and/or Driverâs Licenses through this process (and I will provide how to obtain corrected equivalent federal documentation to use instead if your state does not allow this). Be sure to obtain several Certified Copies of the court order. This page will provide you the basic information you should need in finding out the individualized process for your state: https://transequality.org/documents
Once you obtain a Certified Copy of the Court Order for the name change (or if you only want to update your gender marker), you will want to print out, follow the instructions to, and mail in the following at the link below to update your Social Security Card and Record to correctly reflect your new legal name and/or gender (follow the instructions on 1st page, check your identified gender under âSexâ regardless if you have a court order updating that on your Birth Certificate or not, mail to address listed on 2nd page due to them being known for having less problems processing these changes, and mail it off with plenty of stamps): https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cSCKDEkqFATpQnvi_0Umkk10tegw2moe/view?usp=sharing
For identification purposes in every state and country (without needing a Driverâs License, Birth Certificate, or Photo ID for almost every identification purpose), I encourage every trans person to apply for and get both a Passport Card and Passport (and do a new application/renewal as applicable if you already have one). You are able to select and legally register yourself as any gender you choose without need for medical documentation like you can with Social Security too, hereâs the State Departmentâs website saying how to obtain documentation with your corrected gender and legal name: https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/need-passport/selecting-your-gender-marker.html and https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/passports/have-passport/change-correct.html
You will also want to update your name and gender as applicable once you have your documentation with your workplace, school (to either update transcripts or active enrollment records), credit bureaus, your bank, voting registration, and health insurance, among potential others. You will need to contact each individual institution to see their process for updating it.
(9) One major thing if you have already undergone male puberty before transitioning is voice training. This helps your voice sound more feminine. You can ask for referrals for this service from your HRT provider (including surgery if it fails, although that is rare). There are many YouTube videos (I used the couple on the subject Stef Sanjati made in the past myself) if you want to give it a go by yourself like I did (I suggest having friends comment on how it sounds since none of us can hear our own voices fully naturally as other perceive them). There are also apps you can download to do it with such as EvaF and Christella Voice Up.
(10) Since most of us want to shave in some way (both cis and trans women), I cannot recommend this product enough. Itâs the ideal womenâs electric shaver that you can reuse over and over again on every part of your body that I have used since day one: https://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-Electric-Cordless-3-Blade-Operation/dp/B09DLCMLRL/ref=sr_1_1?crid=MYU9PWB8WASO&keywords=panasonic+women%27s+shaver&qid=1686611112&sprefix=pansonic+women%27s+shave%2Caps%2C129&sr=8-1
(11) Someone mentioned nails, I love to get cheap polish at Dollar Tree to make me feel super girly! It takes practice and making sure your polish hasnât gotten completely gooey, but once you get those down it makes doing them very economical. ;-)
Will keep this up to date as time goes on, DM me if you have any questions or need help!"
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TL;DR - Mutuals don't need to worry. I'm okay, just need to work on myself a bit. Also lots of rambling about an app that gets my to finally do everything I should be doing and feel better about myself. Essentially I finally found something that works with my ADHD! It's called Habitica, and it turns chores and habits into a little video game.
So one night I had another breakdown and decided, you know what, I'm tired of this stuff. I'm tired of being unhappy with my life yet my every attempt to improve it seemingly going nowhere. I'm tired of always cutting off contact with my friends and then having to come crawling back a couple days later because I miss contact. (To my mutuals who have had to suffer from that, including this time: see either start or end of post)
Suddenly, I remembered an app I saw. Something about turning your daily tasks into a little game. It sounded just like the concept I was trying to utilize with a computer program I made to try to get myself to do stuff, so I figured I'd check it out. So I downloaded it, went through the tutorials, and added a bunch of tasks to it. Things like sorting out my laundry in my room every weekend so I don't get a pile of laundry on my chair, refilling my meds at the end of the week, some habits I should get into, and tasks that only have to be done once, such as calling the doctor or filling out forms.
So the way that the app works is that essentially it's an RPG lite of sorts. The tasks are divided into 3 categories:
Habits, which are either things you want to start doing (ie exercising) or stop doing (ie procrastinating). You can give each habit either a positive or negative button, or both.
Daily tasks, which don't actually have to be daily, but they are tasks that need to be done every X days or weeks, and you cross them off every day. You can add a reminder so you get notified you still have to do them.
To do, which are just thing you have to do at some point. You can give them a deadline but don't have to. These disappear the moment you mark them as done.
So how does this translate into a game? Well, you start the game by making your little character (nothing too special tbh), who then has stats, HP, XP and gold. Every time you complete a daily, to do, or a positive habit, you gain XP and gold, and might get an item. Every time you do a bad habit or don't do all your daily tasks for that day, you lose HP. There are also bosses to fight, either alone or with friends, with each positive task/habit contributing to the amount of damage you deal to the boss that day.
This sort of thing is perfect for me. I might not care that much about my own body sometimes, but I do care about my little video game character. Which means that if I don't fold my laundry, that character will take damage, so I must fold laundry. I want to get more items and deal more damage, so I want to do tasks. And it's on my mind more. Because of it being about a game, I think about that I need to do it far more often than just plain chores. Plus, they're all actually listed very nicely, meaning I can easily see what I need to do. You can even add subtasks! (Though you don't get rewards for completing those.)
To my mutuals: I'm sorry for always being like this and yes I'm okay and I have loads of stuff to tell you but... I just need some time to myself. I'm still talking with a couple of people so if it's important I can always be reached, but I just need to work on myself before I can return. Once things are going better I'll come back and tell you about all the fun stuff that happened while I was gone, I promise! <3
I'm sorry for the length I just got a bit carried away. I swear I'm not getting paid for this ad.
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x_x So many numbers to worry about. Anxious about seeing doctor again on Tuesday and also other appointments that haven't been arranged yet.
I think I'm doing okay so far. i think I'm mostly used to the needles/poking myself since it's not as bad as I thought it'd be. Fucking annoying I have to do it before every meal + before bed. At least before bed it's just for checking blood sugar but still. I miss not caring about what I had to eat. I wouldn't say my diet before was healthy but also wasn't the worst. I miss being able to eat comfortably, have sweets every now and then. I miss my microwave udon and ramen. Miss my hot cocoa. Didn't get to enjoy at least one candy cane before I got diagnosed
I did sleep okay last night, didn't wake up several times. But I still feel so tired. Feel like I have no time for anything because all this is taking up so much real estate in my head.
And I think I've been doing better to manage my feelings and stress over this. It had to have been impacting my blood sugar because I've been eating so little, doing my best to keep carbs, sugar, fats, and sodium down. Everything. Because of that it's also been a struggle to make sure I'm actually getting enough calories. It's such a headache. And all the advice I see when I google is just like "Cook a 20 ingredient dish that would take you easily an hour or more to make!"
And I know it's healithier and better that way but I just don't have the energy. I was depressed before, how do you think I feel now?
I keep telling myself to go look up recipes so we can get groceries to do so and every time I go and look I'm just feeling like "I can't do that.."
I've been having bell peppers with cream cheese and smoked salmon for the past 3 days I think it's been. I don't mind cooked bell peppers but I've been having them uncooked cause it's fast. also Idk I'm sure it would alter the nutritional values if I did. And it just sucks. Especially with such a tiny amount of cream cheese. It's the texture, a lot of foods if the texture is off I can't enjoy it. I can get it down but sometimes it's a struggle. Having shitty plain oatmeal sucked, was like eating cement. I added a bit of cinnamon but that barely helped. And I know there's more things I can add, like sweetner or fruit or whatever. but for me it's still a lot of work and thinking, and I didn't have anything like that around so that's what I had.
I've been trying to find apps and stuff to just plan meals for me but it's such a headache and a lot of them you gotta pay a subscription. I just want to be able to prepare everything without thinking so hard about it. I don't think I have dyscalculia but I'm often running numbers through my calculator over and over and over again + asking others to check my math on top of that. Re-reading over and over. I get so paranoid and its justt dfghdghhh
I just wish I could have something like dog kibble and just have that for every meal. would it still make me feel depressed just having the same shit over and over again? Maybe, but I'd KNOW for a fact I'd be getting all the nutrients I need and very easily and efficiently. So that fear is just eliminated. also sometimes watching like mukbang/food review channels while I eat helps. It makes me feel like I'm eating that instead of the fucking air I've been eating.
I'm trying so hard not to feel one way or another about this because like I said I'm worried about my stress levels affecting my blood sugar, whether or not that's something that can happen but i've been told by others it can. and ofc it was really bad those first few days and also the entire week. I feel scared to cry, to be angry, to have any kind of stressful emotions and it's making me feel so numb like I have to be a robot. having anxiety and paranoia on top of that, something I can't fully help it just makes things so hard
also i've had to take insulin every single time after I was given it. there has not been one time where it was not over 130, cause anything at that or lower I don't have to take it. But I have that and metformin and still it's been higher than that. doing my best to walk for at least an hour after every meal to help that.
i wish I could've somehow had a day to be like.. the last day I can just enjoy food and not care. I wish I could've gone to a seafood buffet one more time, had as much as I wanted. had as much sushi as I wanted, had as much dim sum as I wanted, as much soup and stew and ice cream and cake and fries and potatos.
oh well.
there's really no point in complaining about it
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Filling The Void (With Myself)
Tonight has certainly been a time. Not that I did anything novel or unfamiliar, it's all too familiar. So, story time!
Sometime around midnight I was perusing The Apps, answering messages with the same stock responses I've developed over the years but not seriously seeking to make anything happen. Then, a beckoning, a guy I've fucked around with in the past(happened to take my virginity at 18 as well, kind of an older predatory figure. Goes to show you the kind of things I allow into my life) messages me "I would fuck u right now" "U can't sneak out for half an hour". In the past I've met similar requests with a resolute, if reluctant, "no" but today was particularly unstimulating and I felt particularly empty so I decided "fuck it".
Sneaking out went off without a hitch, my dad's a deep sleeper, but it was a bit more effort than I like to put into my self-destructive excursions. Nonetheless, I persisted. My suitor was waiting for me, after all, and I'd really hate to disappoint.
I reach my destination and knock at the door, just once, I figure he must be expecting me. He takes a little too long to open the door but, eventually, it inches open. My beau, a grown man in his own home, reaches for his phone to show me messages he'd sent me while I was en route.
"He's here" "He's sleeping" "We have to be quiet" "Ok" and finally, "Where are u". I was taking too leisurely of a stroll, it seems, I'd foolishly indulged in smoking a cigarette along the way.
I suppose I may be remiss for not asking but I figure it's implied that, when one invites someone to their home for sex, the intention would be to actually have sex with them. What ensued was me remaining deathly silent, which was not difficult to achieve, as my beau bent me over a kitchen counter and had, well, the good time he was looking for.
I was then silently ushered out and told to text him when I got home, I guess he might care after all. Nonetheless, this was not the only demeaning I'd subject myself to tonight. Buckle in, dear reader.
After sneaking back into my own home and showering off a bit of the shame. I check my texts. I've been, or at least I thought I was, "talking to" this guy for some weeks. To be clear, I thought that some vague level of romance was occurring. For context, I've never been involved with anyone in that way but it's never happened, for reasons you've probably surmised. Anyway, I thought this might be a fun first to accomplish in my 21st year. I'd gone so far as to formally introduce him to my (Jamaican-ass) parents, putting some skin in the game y'know.
So I see a message from this guy and my brain lights up a little. I check the contents and I'm reminded of what we'd been talking about this evening. He's on a trip to another city, to spend time with his "future boo" and I've so demeaned myself as to ask questions like "What's he like?" and respond "Oh, what a catch" as I hear his praises. He genuinely does sound like a cool guy, if the messages are to be believed.
It's at this point that I take some pause. I often take pauses like this, part of my paradoxical nature is my incredible self-awareness but crippling inability to actually make any changes to improve my condition. So not only am I constantly doing things that make me hate myself, I'm aware the whole while, on some level, that I'm fucking up. The results will never give me the feeling I'm looking for.
I mean what kind of fucking cuck am I? I don't really care what a catch some stranger is. I don't even really wanna know about the excursion at all! Most of all, I'm in disbelief that I've been paying constant attention to this guy, helping with essays, homework, studying for courses I've never even taken just in the hopes that he'll like me. I'd hoped that maybe he'd see something in me that I can't see. A worth I haven't discovered. Evidently, he hasn't and I can't really blame him. If I choose to twist myself into knots just for the chance that I'll be chosen, why should he stop me? Isn't my eternity quest for his heart just a product of my own narcissism, anyway?
So, it's time to face facts. None of this is worth the effort, especially not being strung along like a dog for someone who can, and evidently is, doing better.
So, what now? I guess I'll just bask in my nothingness and try to find pleasure in the joys I neglect to chase foregone conclusions.
Ew, gross.
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actually I have more thoughts on it and you're all trapped on this hellsite with me so here we go
I don't want to say it STARTED with Incredibles 2, but despite a main plot point being that flashing lights were used for hypnosis to the point Elastigirl is trapped in a room full of them, flash warnings were not included in the movie until after people had seizures in theaters. My epileptic sister had to warn my mother so my epileptic brother wouldn't have to see it
I can't tell you how many times I have had to decline movie nights because the host refused to heed requests from (often multiple) people that we minimize flashing so we can enjoy the movie, or to check resources the disabled people in question sent them to check for flashing ahead of time
And now every other movie on Does The Dog Die has flashing warnings only found by people who watched the film
And apps that lean heavily on video will MAYBE have a trigger warning buried deep in the description- warnings don't help anyone if I'm still reading your description and haven't read your tiny little !FLASH WARNING! by the time the flashing starts
and maybe this has to do with the same shrugging off of disabled people we saw a bit before but particularly during the pandemic, how we had a brief period where people actually pretended to care about us for their disability porn but then we got shoved aside once we were no longer trending
but now, partially because of the pandemic but definitely before it as well, people view us as an inconvenience, as people who exist only to ruin their day because we need you to do the tiniest thing to stop us being injured or Actually Fucking Dying, wether it be doing shit like wearing a mask or warning us that something is flashy in an accessible way
idk I'm tired and angry
don't know how to describe how the world has stopped caring about people with epilepsy and other disorders triggered by flashing but I am upset about it
#like i'm sorry my wish to live is sooooo terrible for abled folks#such an awful person for requesting an accomodation so i can participate in society#look at me! im human! i exist! i just want to live!
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selfish | one (18+)
Summary:Â You're a former coworker of Kento Nanami back when he was just an office worker. You accidentally run into him at a bakery many years later which gives you a second chance at getting to know the man who had always caught your eye.
Pairing: Kento Nanami x f!Reader
Words: 11.1k+
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, oral sex, creampie, explicit language, attempted sexual assault, kidnapping, canon-typical violence, alcohol
Note:Â Read on ao3 here! Iâve been on tumblr on and off for about 10 years at this point (yikes), but I recently decided to start a new one as sort of a writing blog with a lot of anime gif reblogging on the side as well haha. Kind of nervous to post my first fic on tumblr for some reason, so I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading!
Index: [Part One] [Part Two]
âNanami? Kento Nanami? Is that you?â
You couldnât believe your eyes. It had been years! Was that really him?
---
The night you accidentally ran into Kento Nanami started off like any other night in your life. After an exhausting day of work, you decided to treat yourself to some sweets at a nearby bakery. The small chime on the door signaled your entrance with the lone employee warmly greeting you.
âWelcome!â
There was only one other customer in the small shop. A tall man stood at the cash register.Â
Hmm.
There was something strangely familiar about the manâs demeanor. Curious, you drifted over to the display case next to the register to try and sneak a peek at his face. While admiring the delicious-looking pastries on the counter, you listened in on the conversation between him and the cashier.
âThat will be 2000 yen,â the lady said.
âIâll pay with card.â
You stiffened slightly, eyes widening in surprise.Â
That voice! Â
You recognized that voice!
The man shifted his face towards you as he reached to grab his wallet from his pocket. You were finally able to get a glimpse of his face.Â
You gasped.
âIt is you!â you exclaimed in surprise. âNanami!â
He looked as prim and proper as ever. The man still wore a suit and tie with his hair neatly parted. The only major difference in his appearance was the sunglasses that now completely shielded his eyes.
âItâs good to see you again! How have you been?â you asked eagerly.
Nanami looked at you silently, trying to recall where he had seen your familiar face before.
Then he remembered.
A flood of memories from a different life overcame him. The man hesitantly said your name, like he couldnât quite believe your unexpected appearance before him. You nodded enthusiastically while he absentmindedly handed his credit card to the cashier.
âOh wow,â you breathed, feeling a little giddy. âI havenât seen you since you quit all those years ago. What are you doing now?â
Nanami seemed to pause for a second, adjusting his sunglasses. âI work at a school.â
âOh! As a teacher?âÂ
âNo, just as staff.â
âThat sounds nice. What school?â
âItâs a private religious school in the mountains. Itâs not particularly well-known,â the man replied vaguely.Â
âOh, I see.â
A loud beep of a cell phone interrupted the conversation. Nanami reached into his other pocket and took out his phone. He frowned, looking at the device. âI apologize, but I have to go immediately.â
âOh, uh, ok,â you said, feeling slightly disappointed. You barely had any time to catch up with your former coworker. Nanami grabbed the bag from the counter and swiftly exited the store. You watched him walk away with a sigh. What were the chances that you would bump into him again? You pouted, upset that the circumstances hadnât exactly worked out in your favor.
âOh no!â the cashier suddenly cried out. âHe forgot his card!â She pointed at the blue credit card on the counter.
âLemme see if I can catch him!â you responded, already running out of the bakery. You pushed open the door and ran in the direction you saw the man leave. âNanami!â you shouted. Other pedestrians looked at you curiously, but you couldnât see the tall man anywhere. You walked around a bit further out, continuing to call his name but to no avail. Sighing, you headed back to the bakery.
âNo luck,â you said to the cashier. âHeâs gone already. I have no idea how he disappeared so quickly.â Crossing your arms against your chest, you looked at the forgotten card in frustration. âWhat should we do now?â If only you had his number!Â
âI guess I can keep it here in case he comes back,â the lady reasoned.
Hmm. Â
An idea popped in your head.Â
A selfish one.
âWait! How about I take it and return it to him?â you asked. Then you realized that your request might come off as suspicious. âWe used to work together, I promise Iâm not trying to steal it or anything.â
The cashier smiled at you softly. âI trust you. You come in here quite a lot and that man did say your name, so I know youâre not lying.â
You sighed in relief.
Thank goodness.
After buying some pastries for yourself, you walked out of the bakery holding Nanamiâs credit card in your hand. You carefully stored it in your bag before beginning the walk back to your apartment.
A private religious school in the mountains, huh?
It shouldnât be too hard to find.
---
You groaned, fighting the urge to pull your hair in frustration.Â
How hard was it to find this damn school?!
You were sitting at your desk in the dark. The only light in the bedroom came from your laptop screen which was full of search engine results for âtokyo private religious schoolâ. You were on page 15. Not a promising sign.
Recalling your conversation with Nanami, you remembered the man said he worked at a religious school in the mountains. However, none of the private schools you had found so far were located in the mountains. You frowned. Had Nanami been lying?
You shook your head to yourself.
No.Â
Heâs not the type to lie. He did say it wasnât well-known.
You scrolled further down and clicked on the next page. Quickly skimming the results, you finally found something that caught your eye.Â
Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College.
Huh. What a strange name for a school. Â
You clicked on the link. It brought you to a strange forum that looked somewhat sketchy and unreliable, but someone had at least posted an address for the school. You grabbed your phone and immediately plugged the address into the map app.
You punched the air in triumph.
âYes!â The dot was located in the mountains by some Tokyo suburbs.Â
This has to be the place!
Luckily, tomorrow was Friday which meant you had no classes, and you werenât scheduled for a shift at work. You were free to find the school and return the card to Nanami in person.Â
âOk!â you said to yourself, rubbing your hands together. âNow to find out how to get there.â
---
You looked at the dot of your current location on your phone and then back at the vast empty woods in front of you.
This canât be it!
You groaned out loud in frustration, stamping your feet in a little tantrum.Â
Why is it still so hard to find this damn school?! Â
Looking at your phone again, you double-checked the map to see that you were in fact at the exact location of the address you inputted, but nothing was here. It was just trees!
You sighed in disappointment but refused to give up right away. Maybe your phoneâs GPS was off because you were so high up in the mountains and the signal was bad. You decided to follow the road that led up the mountain with the hope that you might accidentally stumble across the school. If there was a road, it had to lead somewhere! But strangely enough, you hadnât seen any cars, buildings, or pedestrians since entering the area.Â
After walking around for almost an hour, you decided to take a break. Sitting in the shade of some trees by the side of the road, you took your water bottle out of your bag for a quick sip. You admired the beautiful, quiet scenery in front of you.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
You were currently lost in the mountains of Tokyo looking for a school you werenât quite sure actually existed. And it was all because you were selfish and wanted to see Nanami again. Your old coworker.
You hadnât been particularly close to him at work, though he didnât seem overly friendly with anyone in the office. Nanami was the stoic and serious type. He didnât talk much with the team, but you could tell he worked hard. He was always one of the last people to leave the office for the night, if he did leave. On many occasions, you found him dozing at his desk in the morning when you arrived early to work before everyone else with the sneaking suspicion that he had spent the entire night in the office.
Unlike most of the other employees and especially your boss, Nanami seemed to still care about the clients instead of just the companyâs profits, judging from the small snippets of conversations you overheard from him. You had always wanted to get to know him better, but he didnât particularly have an approachable demeanor. At the time, you were just a young, newly graduated woman who was afraid of everything and everyone. So you often just kept to yourself.
You sighed, looking down at the ground. Taking Nanamiâs credit card hostage was a pathetic way of trying to rekindle a relationship that never existed in the first place. You made up your mind. It was time to head back home and drop off the card at the bakery so he could pick it up himself. Todayâs excursion was just a giant waste of time much to your disappointment.
âExcuse me, miss. What are you doing here?â
âHuh?â A man was hovering over you. You swore he hadnât been there a second ago.
You screamed. âP-please donât hurt me!â You put your arms out in front of you, shielding yourself from any potential harm. âI donât have much money, but you can have it all!â
The man burst out laughing. You slowly lowered your arms, hoping that his laughter meant he wasnât going to attack you.
âIâm not going to hurt you, and I especially donât want your money.â
You let out a sigh of relief. âThank goodness.â No longer afraid, you took a closer look at the stranger. He was tall. Very tall. Wearing a black outfit and a matching blindfold that spiked up his white hair.
What a strange appearance.
âWell, I wonât hurt you as long as you tell me what youâre doing here.â You gulped, hearing the silent threat in his words.
âUmm, umm, well, you see I-I got a bit lost and w-was just taking a rest,â you stuttered nervously, fiddling with your hands. âI heard thereâs a private school around here and Iâm trying to find it, because I know someone who works there. His name is Kento Nanami and we used to work together many many years ago and I just happened to run into him last night at a bakery but he left his credit card there and I wanted to give it back to him in person, so I thought it was a good idea to deliver it at his workplace but this school is so hard to find I have no idea where Iâm going and-and I think Iâm just going to leave now actually.â You realized you were rambling, so you forcibly shut your mouth to stop yourself from looking like a complete fool in front of the stranger.
The man hummed in thought for several seconds before suddenly grinning and chuckling to himself. His demeanor no longer felt threatening.
âKento Nanami, huh,â the man said, still smiling happily.
âOh, you know him?â You perked up, suddenly hopeful.
Maybe they work together!
âLeave it to me!â the stranger cheered, giving you a thumbs up. âIâll escort you to the school and make sure you hand-deliver that credit card to Nanami!â
You felt relieved, tears almost prickling your eyes. âOh thank you so much!â
---
âSatoru.â
âMm.â
âCanât you tell thereâs a human who has been wandering near the barrier for quite a while now? It looks like theyâre trying to find a way in,â Yaga commented.
âWell, they canât. Isnât that the whole point of the barrier?â
âI know that!â the principal grunted angrily. âBut since youâre just lounging here around doing nothing, go check it out.â
âFine.â Gojo got off the couch and headed outside, wondering how a human accidentally wandered this close to the school so far up the mountains.
---
It only took several minutes before you and the strange man found a path leading to the school. You blinked in surprise. You felt like you had walked by this part of the road earlier but had seen nothing.
Walking alongside the man quietly, you suddenly realized you had completely forgotten your manners. Quickly bowing to your escort, you introduced yourself and thanked him for taking the time to safely bring you to the school.
âItâs no problem. Any friend of Nanami is a friend of mine. Oh, and Iâm Satoru Gojo by the way. Iâm the first-year teacher here.â
He was a teacher? This man wearing a blindfold in broad daylight? You swallowed nervously. You wondered what kind of school Nanami was working for exactly.
Once you finally reached the main school grounds, all of your reservations immediately melted away. âWow!â you breathed. The campus was absolutely gorgeous with beautiful statues, shrines, and gates. You couldnât help but stop and admire your surroundings. âThis school is beautiful.â
Gojo brought you to the teacherâs lounge and gestured for you to sit down. âSo, tell me again how you know our dear Nanami?â
---
Nanami had just finished a mission when his phone chimed, signaling a text. He finished wiping his blade clean before grabbing the device. The message was from Gojo.
Gojo: Come back to Jujutsu Tech. Your girlfriend is here ;)
The sorcerer stared at the message.Â
Nanami: I have no idea what you mean.
Gojo: ( Ë ÂłË)âĽ
He angrily shoved his phone back in his pocket and walked over to the car where Ijichi was waiting. He entered the back seat before closing the door behind him. âHurry up. I need to find a certain white-haired idiot and destroy him.â
---
Nanami was walking towards the teacherâs lounge when he heard your bright laughter. He froze for a couple of seconds.
What were you doing here?
He picked up the pace, quickly entering the lounge to see you giggling on the couch next to Gojo. For some reason, it bothered him to see how close the idiot was to you and how happy you looked in his presence.
âNanami! Youâre here!â Gojo exclaimed, immediately noticing the other sorcererâs presence.Â
You turned your head quickly towards the doorway with a bright grin. âOh, Nanami! Hi again!â
Nanami observed the scene, trying to figure out what was going on, but he was drawing a blank.Â
First of all, you werenât a sorcerer. How did you enter the school grounds?Â
Second, did you know Gojo? The two of you seemed quite friendly on the couch together.Â
Third, was Gojo implying that you were his girlfriend? That was absolutely ridiculous.
âWhat are you doing here?â Nanami asked you cautiously, adjusting his sunglasses.Â
âOh!â You dug around in your bag, pulling out your wallet. You removed a blue credit card. âYou left this behind at the bakery yesterday. I tried to chase after you, but you disappeared so quickly. I had the day off today, so I thought I would try to find your workplace and give your card back to you.â You got off the couch, approaching Nanami and handing him the card.
Nanami took the card from you before placing it back in his own wallet. âYou didnât have to do this. How did you even find your way here?â
âI found her wandering nearby!â Gojo jumped in, grinning at the other sorcerer. âImagine my surprise when she said the two of you used to work together back when you were just a salaryman. I just had to invite her back here. You never mentioned you used to work with such a lovely lady.â
You visibly blushed at Gojoâs words which just bothered Nanami even more. âThank you for returning my card, but I think itâs about time yââ
âNanami. Nanami. Namami,â Gojo said in a singsong voice. âYouâre all work and no fun. Itâs been years since the two of you have seen each other, and youâre already trying to get rid of her? Donât you want to catch up a little bit?â
You played with your hair, a little nervous. âI mean if youâre busy Nanami, I can go. But I was hoping we could talk a little bit.â You looked up at him with bright eyes. âI want to hear how youâve been doing.â
Nanami took one look at your hopeful face and immediately gave in. âAlright.â He gestured for you to sit back down as he walked over to one of the armchairs. The sorcerer pretended like he didnât see your little jump of excitement as you hurried back to the couch with Gojo.
Once the three of you were all seated comfortably, you brought up what you had been previously discussing with Gojo. âI didnât know youâre teaching at the same high school you went to as a student. Thatâs pretty cool!â
âHe was one of the few students who graduated and decided to leave the community,â Gojo pointed out. âMost of us stay here and continue working for the school.â Nanami subtly glared at the white-haired sorcerer, wondering how much he had told you about the jujutsu world.
âWhy did you decide to come back then?â you asked curiously.
âI changed my mind,â Nanami simply stated. âI realized I would find my career slightly more rewarding if I worked for the school than that company.â
You nodded in agreement. âThat makes sense. Iâm glad we eventually both left that job.â You slightly grimaced, just thinking about your past. It didnât go unnoticed by Nanami.
âWhen did you leave?â he asked.
You hummed, recalling the past. âIt was probably a couple of months after you left. I, uh, messed up something really badly and I got fired.â
Nanami raised his eyebrows in surprise. You didnât seem like the type to make big mistakes. He remembered you as quite the careful and diligent worker. He narrowed his eyes slightly, wondering if you were being deceitful.
âItâs ok though,â you continued. âI worked a couple of odd jobs afterward to keep up with the bills until I decided I wanted to become a nurse! So Iâm actually back in school now and working part-time to help pay tuition.â
âA nurse, huh,â Gojo remarked. âWhat a noble career choice.â
âAhh, I wouldnât say Iâm noble or anything. I just think I would find my life more fulfilling if I was actively helping people,â you explained. âProbably similar to how you felt when you switched careers, Nanami.â
He nodded at your words.
uThe three of you chatted amicably the rest of the day. Gojo and you mostly carried the conversation, but Nanami would be lying if he said he didnât enjoy listening to your voice. After he ran into you at the bakery last night, he couldnât stop thinking about you. It was the first time he was confronted with his old life after deciding to become a sorcerer again. Part of Nanami wanted to never look back on that phase of his life again, but perhaps it wasnât all bad. Sure, he hadn't particularly liked anyone from that office, but he didnât mind you. You had always been quiet, polite, and hardworking.Â
Nanami still remembered his last day at the office. You had organized a surprise farewell party just for him with a cake, balloons, and everything. After everyone had their fill of free food and left the conference room, you had shyly wished him luck in the future and said you would miss seeing him in the office. All those memories came rushing back after encountering you in that bakery.
The sun started to set when you finally noticed the time.
âAh! I should probably go,â you announced, checking your phone. âIâm sorry, I didnât mean to overstay my welcome.â
âNo, no,â Gojo assured. âYou are very much welcome here. Like I said earlier, any friend of Nanami is a friend of mine and all my friends are welcome here!â
âHow do you plan on getting home?â Nanami asked, mildly concerned.
âDonât worry!â Gojo said. âI got it handled. Ijichi will drive her back.â
âHuh? No, itâs fine,â you tried to argue. âI can get back by myself. Itâs not a problem.â
âWhat kind of gentlemen would we be if we didnât ensure you got home safely? Ijichi is our finest chauffeur,â the blindfolded man insisted. âHe will take care of you.â
You looked at Nanami who simply nodded at you, encouraging you to accept Gojoâs offer. Sighing, you crossed your arms over your chest with a pout. âAlright. Thank you.â
The two men waved goodbye as you left in Ijichiâs car to head back home.
âWas it really wise to have her on the school grounds?â Nanami asked.
Gojo hummed. âItâs fine.â
âNo, itâs not. Normal humans arenât allowed here for a reason.â
The blindfolded sorcerer didnât reply. Instead, he took out his phone and started tapping on the screen. Nanamiâs phone chimed. It was a text from Gojo. Opening it, he saw it was a string of numbers.
A phone number.
âYou should call her sometime,â Gojo said. âShe likes you.â
âYou donât know that.â
âYes, I do. What kind of woman travels to the mountains on her day off to try and find a publically non-existent school to return a credit card to someone she doesnât like?â
Nanami remained silent.
âJust because weâre adults and jujutsu sorcerers doesnât mean we arenât allowed to have some normal fun. Itâs alright to be selfish every once in a while.â
How badly Nanami wanted to believe Gojoâs words.
---
You heard the door open and close.
âHello! How many I help yâGojo?â
You blinked in surprise, not expecting to see the teacher at your workplace. While taking classes to become a nurse, you worked part-time at a small boba tea shop. You had just finished serving the flurry of college students who needed a midday pick-me-up when Gojo appeared. Several of the seated patrons whispered and pointed at him, wondering why he was wearing a blindfold and how he could see.
âThought I would drop by and say hi,â he said with an easy grin.
You returned his smile. âIs Nanami with you too?â you asked, trying to sound casual.
âNo, not today, unfortunately,â he replied. You tried to ignore the flash of disappointment you felt. âIâll bring him next time.â
You perked up at Gojoâs promise, nodding eagerly. âSounds good. So, would you like something to drink?âÂ
The man ordered a large brown sugar milk tea with extra sugar. You looked at him, mildly concerned. âYou sure you want 120% sugar? Itâs pretty sweet to begin with. Trust me.â
Gojo nodded. âYup!â
âAlright,â you said with a shrug. You did try to warn him.Â
You finished preparing Gojoâs drink and handed it to him along with a straw.
âHey, do you mind if I borrow your phone for a second?â the teacher asked.
âOh, sure,â you said, grabbing your phone from your back pocket.
Gojo took the device and opened the camera app. âSmile!â That was the only warning you got. He had taken a selfie of the two of you together. You werenât even smiling in the photo, completely caught off guard. But Gojo was at least prepared, grinning happily and showing off his milk tea in one hand. You watched as the man repeatedly tapped on your phone screen.
âWhat are you doing?â you asked hesitantly.
âHere!â Gojo handed the phone back to you. Looking at the screen, you saw that he had sent the selfie of the two of you to a random number with a text that said âHaving fun without you!â
âUm. Who did you send this to Gojo?â
âNanami, of course!â
âOh,â you said quietly, feeling butterflies in your stomach.
Nanamiâs number!
You finally had it!Â
Gojo chuckled to himself as he saw the way your eyes lit up.
âOh, by the way,â you said, looking up from the phone. âItâs my birthday next weekend. Iâm going out with a couple of friends on Saturday at 8pm at the bar around the corner, and I was wondering if you and Nanami would like to join? You should bring Ijichi too and anyone else from the school! Only if you want though. Itâs ok if you donât want to come or youâre worried about being awkward with my other friends even though theyâre super cool and encouraged me to invite you guys and I promise I wonât be upset if you canât make it because this is kind of last minute and Iââ
âSounds great!â Gojo interrupted your rambling. âIâll be sure to pass along the information. We'll be there.â
âReally?â You grinned at the teacher. âAwesome! I guess Iâll see you then!â
Gojo waved at you goodbye as you tried to compose yourself before the next wave of customers arrived.
---
âAhh!! You guys actually came!â you squealed as a group of individuals approached your table in the bar. You stumbled out of the large booth where your other friends were seated, already several shots in for the night. You clumsily hugged Gojo without thinking. Releasing him, you took in his new appearance.
âYou look so different!â you commented. âBut not in a bad way!â The man had traded in his signature blindfold for a pair of sunglasses that still hid his eye. His hair was lying down flat instead of its usual spiked-up look.
Behind Gojo, you saw Ijichi with a woman you didnât recognize.Â
âThatâs Shoko Ieiri,â Gojo said, following your gaze. âSheâs the doctor at our school.â
You happily greeted both of them, thanking them for coming.Â
And finally, you saw the person you were looking forward to seeing the most. Nanami looked good as always. He was dressed a little more casually for the night without his signature jacket, tie, and sunglasses. Instead, he wore a crisp, blue button-up shirt with the top few buttons undone. You tried not to stare too much at his revealed skin.
As you approached Nanami, you reached out to hug him but you managed to stop yourself in time. You were worried about coming on too strong and opted for a small wave instead.
âThanks for coming, Nanami! Iâm so glad you came!â
Sitting at the table altogether, your other friends immediately fawned over Gojo. One of them grabbed you and whispered in your ear.
âWhat the hell? You didnât tell me one of your friends was incredibly hot?â
You shrugged and ordered another round of shots for the whole table. Gojo ended up passing because he didnât drink, so you took it upon yourself to finish it for him.
Nanami quietly nursed a beer as he observed the scene. He didnât typically like crowded, loud bars like this, but he would make an exception for you. Gojo had also been extremely intent on making sure everyone from the school attended your little celebration. He managed to get Ijichi to come along only after getting Shoko to agree by bribing her with free alcohol.
Nanami was currently sitting across the booth from you, watching as you chatted with your friends. You were wearing a dark red dress that perfectly showed off your curves. The left strap of your dress was a little loose and it kept falling down the entire night despite you constantly readjusting it, not that Nanami had noticed.Â
You looked so carefree and lively in this atmosphere. Every once in a while, you caught Nanamiâs gaze and beamed at him happily.
At some point during the night, you left the table to go to the bathroom. It was only once you tried walking back to everyone that you realized how drunk you were. Stumbling a bit in your high heels, you leaned against the wall by the bathrooms for stability.
âExcuse me miss, are you alright?â
A man approached you, but you instantly waved him off. âMmm, Iâm good,â you replied. âThanks though.â You were determined to make it back to your friends on your own, but as soon as you took a step away from the wall, you tripped. The man caught you before you could hit the ground. He had a tight grip on your waist.
 âYou donât seem good,â he chuckled softly. âHow about I help you?â You could feel his hands starting to go lower, and you quickly latched onto them and tried to pry them off you.
âI said no,â you said firmly, but the man ignored you and pressed you against the wall. âGet off!â You struggled against him but to no avail.
Suddenly, the weight of the man was lifted and you felt like you could breathe again.
âAre you alright?â a smooth voice asked.Â
You looked up to see Nanami in front of you. You nodded silently and admired his strong jawline and sharp eyes in the barâs dark lighting.Â
âCan you walk?â
You nodded again. Taking a step away from the wall, you immediately staggered again much to your embarrassment. Nanami grabbed your arm and lifted you up until you were half leaning on him for support. Inhibitions suddenly gone from all the alcohol in your system, you wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders and gave him a hug. The man tried to ignore the shiver that went up his spine when he felt your warm, soft body pressed up against him. He didnât want to admit it, but he was quite jealous that you had hugged Gojo when they first arrived. What was so special about that idiot anyway? Nanami slowly wrapped his arms around you, indulging himself for once and returning the hug.
âIâm so glad you came,â you mumbled against his chest. âI was so happy that I ran into you at the bakery that one night. But I was afraid I would never see you again.â You paused. âI really wanted to see you again.â
Nanami didnât know how to respond to your words, so he gently rubbed your back instead. You leaned into his touch happily.
âLetâs get back to the others,â he said gently. You sighed and reluctantly removed yourself from the embrace. Nanami half-carried you back to the table and carefully deposited you next to your friends. To your disappointment, he didnât sit down next to you and instead headed towards the front doors.
âNanami? Where are you going?â Gojo asked, eyebrows raised.
âIâll be back.â
When Nanami exited the bar, he was greeted by several couples who were taking a smoke break. He walked a bit further away, so he could be alone. The sorcerer leaned against a random building, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down.Â
Nanami felt quite ashamed of himself. Acting like a hormonal teenage boy just because he briefly held you while you were wearing that damn dress. He tried to ignore the way his cock was straining in his pants. Gritting his teeth, he willed his body to relax. Nanami refused to let you see him so worked like this. He especially couldnât let Gojo see. He could only imagine the endless teasing he would endure from the blindfolded idiot.
Inside the bar, you watched sadly as Nanami left. You wondered if it was something you did to scare him away.
Gojo sat next to you and handed you a glass of water. âDrink,â he commanded.
You did as you were told, keeping an eye on the doors to see if Nanami had come back in yet. âDoes Nanami not like me?â you asked Gojo quietly with a pout.
The man chuckled. âI assure you thatâs not the case.â
You turned to look at him. âHow do you know?â
Gojo lowered his sunglasses slightly, and you were able to get a glimpse of his gorgeous blue eyes for the first time. âTrust me. I have good eyes.â
---
Nanami ended the call with Ijichi. He leaned against the wall of the bathroom with a grimace. He was still applying pressure to the wound he had received from Mahito. The sorcerer scrolled through the contacts list on his phone. He found himself hovering over your name.
Yes, he did save your number from Gojoâs text. Why wouldnât he? It would be frivolous to ignore that kind of contact information.
Nanami grabbed another wad of paper towel to replace the one that was already drenched in blood. He grunted in pain.
A nurse, huh.
He wondered what you would do if you saw him right now. If you fuss over him and take care of his injuries yourself. Nanami sighed. He wouldnât mind that. Would you carefully unbutton his shirt to get a better look at the wound? He could almost imagine the way your fingers would ghost over his stomach.
With a groan, Nanami banged his head against the wall. He couldnât believe he was fantasizing about you while profusely bleeding in a public restroom.
The sorcerer cleaned up his blood all over the sink and threw out the dirty wads of paper towels. He went outside to wait for Ijichi to bring him back to school for proper treatment.
---
âIâm going to take my break!â you announced to your coworkers as you exited the bubble tea shop. You decided to go outside for a quick breather because it was such a nice, sunny day. Avoiding the crowds, you headed over to the alleyways near the shop to scroll through Twitter in peace.
You were so engrossed by your phone that you didnât notice the presence of someone next to you. It was only when you heard them clear their throat that you looked next to you to see a man wearing sunglasses and a hat.
âOh, sorry. Am I in your way? I can move.â
In the blink of an eye, he held a knife to your neck. You felt the cool blade lightly press into your skin. You held your breath, afraid to react in any way.
âDonât scream. Donât move,â he hissed.
Your eyes widened in shock.
That voice.
You recognized that voice.
The man grabbed you by the back of the neck and pulled you in the opposite direction of the busy street where unaware pedestrians were still walking by. He pressed the knife against your side now, digging it into the thin t-shirt you had to wear for work.
âWalk.â
He led you to an abandoned building several minutes away. Once you were inside and the door closed shut, he roughly shoved you to the ground.
You landed in a heap, groaning in pain. Turning around, you finally faced your captor.
âItâs you, isnât you,â you said evenly. âBoss.â
The man chuckled, removing the hat and sunglasses. It was your former boss from the company where you and Nanami had once worked together. You dug your nails in the palms of your hands. If he was here, you knew you were in trouble.
âYou called the cops, didnât you!â he yelled at you, pointing the knife at you menacingly.
Cops? What was he talking about?
âNo, I didnât,â you replied honestly.
âYou BITCH! Donât lie to me.â He waved the knife closer at you.
âI promise! I didnât tell anyone!â
With a shout, the man grabbed your hair and held the knife to your neck again. You squeezed your eyes shut and couldnât help but let a small whimper leave your lips.
The truth was you weren't just fired from your job. You were threatened. When numbers werenât adding up, you realized that your boss was embezzling money and had been doing so for a long time. He found out that you knew the truth and protected himself by forcibly ousting you from the company. As a young professional, you knew better than to fight against a big shot financial executive. When he warned you to stay quiet or face his wrath, you were wise enough to shut your mouth, clean your desk, and leave the building immediately. True to your word, you had never mentioned your bossâs crimes to anyone. You thought you were safe to move on with the rest of your life but apparently, that was not the case.
The man spat at you before roughly kicking you away. He started pacing as you wiped his spit off your cheek with a disgusted groan.
âThis canât be happening. This canât be happening. Iâm about to lose everything. EVERYTHING!â
As he muttered to himself, you tried to survey your surroundings and determine if there was a way you could safely escape. Before you could figure anything out, your old boss approached you again, knife still in hand. He seemed to have made up his mind about what he was going to do.
âYouâre going to fix this. Yea. This is your fault. Iâll pin it all on you. Youâll go down for this, not me!â
As the man ranted and raved at you, something appeared in the shadows behind him. There was some movement. You blinked your eyes, wondering if it was just a trick of your imagination. But to your horror, a green creature grew larger and larger in the background. It had three heads, each with multiple eyes and giant drooling mouths with huge teeth. The monster raised its multiple arms, hovering over your boss with all eyes fixed on him like he was a piece of prey.
âScared, arenât you?â the man commented with a chuckle. He was misinterpreting the horrified look on your face. âThis is what you get for messing with the wrong man.â
You shook your head slowly and lifted a shaky finger to point behind him.
He turned around, dropping the knife in shock.
The weapon clattered to the ground.
Your boss screamed. He immediately tried to run away, but one of the monsterâs arms snatched him in a tight grip. The three heads fought with each other as if deciding which one of them would get to swallow the prize. You took that as a cue to start running.
The monster was blocking the way you entered, so you ran towards the only other door you saw, which led to a stairwell. You ran up a couple of floors before hiding in a small closet you found. It was cramped and dusty but you hoped it was enough to hide you from that creature.
Sitting on the ground, you took out your phone shakily and called the police.
âHello, what is your emergency?â
âIâm trapped in an abandoned building, and thereâs a monster here.â You realized it sounded ridiculous, but you didnât know what else to say in the moment.
The dispatcher groaned. âThis is the last time! You kids have to stop with the prank calls. This line is for emergencies only!â
They hung up on you.
You stared at your cell phone in disbelief.
Shit.
Instinctively, you scrolled through your contacts list until you found who you were looking for. You pressed the call button.
Please pick up. Please pick up.
It went to voicemail.
You cursed to yourself again.
âNanami,â you whispered quietly, voice quivering. âI donât know when youâll listen to this, but you have to believe me. Iâm in an abandoned building near my job, and I swear thereâs a monster here. I-I think it might have killed our old boss. I donât know what to do, I triââ
There was a loud bang. You quickly hung up and pressed the phone into your chest while you covered your mouth and nose with your other hand to quiet your harsh breathing. The sounds got closer and closer until it sounded like it was right outside the closet door. Your heart was beating so loudly you were worried the monster would hear it. But luckily, the noises started to become fainter. Eventually, you heard nothing even after a long time of terrified waiting.
Once you were reasonably convinced the coast was clear, you quietly opened the closet door and peeked out. The hallway was empty. Maybe this was your chance to finally escape the building.
You carefully climbed to your feet and tiptoed your way back to the stairwell.Â
Your phone loudly chimed. The noise echoed throughout the empty building. It was a text message from your coworker asking where you went. You had forgotten to turn your phone on silent.
Almost instantaneously, the monster started roaring from the floor beneath you. You barely caught a glimpse of it before running up the stairs again until you reached the top floor. Exiting the stairway, you ran through the hallways until you reached a dead end.
Back pressed up against the wall, you watched in horror as the monster let out a sharp laugh as it approached you. There was blood dripping out of the mouths of all three heads. You didnât want to think about where it came from. With no other options left, you weakly held your arms up in front of your face and squeezed your eyes shut with a whimper.
Suddenly, there was an angry shout and a loud splat.
You felt some sort of liquid splash all over you. Lowering your arms, an unexpected sight greeted you. It was the body of the monster all chopped up into pieces. You realized you were covered in its blood.
Behind the monsterâs corpse stood Nanami. He had a covered blade in his hand that was also stained with the creatureâs purple blood.
âN-Nanami?â you whispered hoarsely.
You couldnât believe your eyes. Did he take down that monster? With a sword?
Nanami wiped the blood off his weapon, putting it away in its holster. He approached you as you shuddered violently, still in shock.
âAre you hurt?â he asked gently.
You shook your head no, wrapping your arms around yourself.
He kneeled down in front of you, taking out a handkerchief from his pocket and wiping the droplets of blood from your face.
âWhat was that thing?â you whispered.
Nanami sighed, twisting the handkerchief in his hands once your face was relatively clean.
âA curse.â
You gave him a confused look.
âItâs a long explanation.â
âYo!â
You flinched as Gojo suddenly appeared out of nowhere in the hallway. You instinctively grabbed onto Nanamiâs arm in fear. He glared at the blindfolded sorcerer in anger for startling you.
âOh, youâre already done here? I thought Iâd check up on you two to make sure everythingâs okay.â
First, your boss had threatened you with a knife. Then, a giant monster, no, curse appeared and attacked both of you. Nanami killed said curse. And now Gojo had appeared out of thin air. Your brain was officially broken. You just wanted to go to sleep. Surely this had to be a dream. You would wake up and everything would be normal again.
âWe should probably bring her to Shoko just to make sure sheâs fine and clean her up,â Gojo said, observing how your eyes were starting to glaze over.
Nanami nodded in agreement. He lightly touched your shoulder, but you hardly reacted. He said your name quietly. Blinking slowly, you finally turned to acknowledge him. âIâm tired,â you mumbled.
âI know,â Nanami said gently. He picked you up in his arms. âYou can go to sleep. Iâll keep you safe.â With a sigh of relief, you closed your eyes and surrendered to the darkness.
You woke up in a small room, tucked under the covers in a warm bed. Nanami was silently sitting in a chair next to you. You let out a deep breath and turned towards the man. The rustling of the covers alerted him that you were finally awake.
âWhy was the boss with you?â Nanami asked suddenly.
So it wasn't a dream.
âOh. He was trying to threaten me,â you explained. âI didnât lose my job because I made a mistake. I found out he was embezzling money. He said the cops were starting to question him, so he accused me of reporting him.â
Nanami clenched his fists in anger. That bastard.
âIs he alive?â you asked.
âNo.â
âI figured.â
You quietly observed Nanami. He had taken off his sunglasses and blazer. You admired his wide shoulders and the way his tie was slightly loosened.Â
âNanami. What do you actually do?â
He shook his head. âI donât want to tell you.â
You gripped the covers. âWhy not?â
âBecause,â Nanami sighed. âItâs a dangerous profession. You donât need to be dragged into this world for no good reason.â
âWhat do you mean?â You didnât understand what he was saying. âI do have a reason. Itâs you.â
The man didnât respond.
You sat up in bed suddenly. âIf you wonât tell me, Iâll ask Gojo.â You started to climb out of bed, but Nanami stopped you.
âFine. Fine. Iâll tell you. Sit back down.â He let out of a deep breath, rubbing his face.
You silently listened as Nanami discussed the existence of curses, the theories behind cursed energy, and the role of jujutsu sorcerers. He explained how the schoolâs true purpose was to train the next generation of sorcerers and act as the main headquarters for all jujutsu-related activities.Â
You only asked one question. âWhy was I able to see that curse?â
âRegular humans can see them in life or death situations.â
âI see.â
Nanami was surprised at your reaction to learning about cursed spirits thus far. He expected you to ask more questions, to be more doubtful, to laugh and call him an idiot, or to scream and accuse him of being crazy. But you did none of those things. You just listened quietly and accepted everything he said as true.Â
In your heart, you knew there was no reason to doubt Nanami. You were trying to wrap your brain around the existence of curses you couldnât see, but you didnât consider that the sorcerer was lying to you for a single second. He wasnât that kind of person.
Nanami abruptly stood up. âIjichi will drive you back home.â He started to walk away from you, but you quickly grabbed his wrist.
âWait, donât go,â you pleaded, eyes wide. âI havenât thanked you for saving me yet. Thank you, Nanami.â You didn't want him to leave you. Not yet. You didn't want to be alone.
The sorcerer refused to look at you. âI think itâs best if you kept your distance from Gojo, me, and this school.â
âWhat?â you breathed. âWhat are you saying? I-I wonât tell anyone about curses or that youâre a sorcerer if thatâs what youâre worried about. I promise.â
âThatâs not it. I already told you. This world is dangerous. You should stay away.â He paused. âStay away from me.â
You flinched, releasing Nanamiâs wrist. The sorcerer walked out of the room without another word. You didnât call out after him.
As Nanami walked away, he knew he made the right decision. There was no reason for you to get involved with the jujutsu world. He wanted you to live a normal life, not one plagued by constant death and despair. He was doing this for you. For your future and your safety.
âItâs alright to be selfish every once in a while.â
Gojoâs words echoed in his mind.
No. This wasnât about him. It was about you. It wasnât right for him to drag you into his world. He should be happy. Happy that you would eventually move on and live a long, successful life.
But why did he feel so sad instead?
---
Numerous opened textbooks and notebooks were scattered around you on your bed. You had an upcoming exam at the end of next week and were in the midst of cramming a semesterâs worth of information in your head.
There was a knock on the door.
You frowned, carefully getting off the bed and walking over to the door. You werenât expecting any visitors or a delivery today. Looking through the peephole, you gasped. You clutched your hands against your chest, trying to calm your frantically beating heart.
What was he doing here?
You hadnât talked to or seen Nanami since your last conversation with him at Jujutsu Tech. And that hadn't ended well. You respected his request to stay away from him and Gojo, making no attempts to contact either of the two sorcerers. Instead, you had thrown yourself into your schoolwork and picked up some extra shifts at the boba shop. The less free time you had to think about your emotions, the better.
But now the man who still weighed heavily on your heart was at your doorstep. You wondered whether or not to pretend you werenât home, but you couldnât bring yourself to turn him away. He had clearly come here for a good reason and you wanted to know why, especially because he was the one that told you to keep your distance from him.
You unlocked the door and opened it slightly.
âNanami.â
He said your name quietly.
The two of you looked at each other in complete silence. You waited for him to say something, but the man just continued to stand there without a word.
âUmm, well, I have an exam I need to study for, so if you have nothing to say Iâm just going to gââ
Nanami suddenly pushed the door open wider, shoving you into your apartment. You stood there in shock as the door slammed shut behind the sorcerer. His unusually aggressive behavior had you baffled.
âWhatâs wrong with you?â you asked sharply. The man told you to leave him alone but then showed up at your apartment and invited himself inside without a word. You couldnât help but feel a little irritated. âWhat are you doâ mmph!â
Nanami had pushed you against the wall and kissed you.
You froze in surprise for a second before immediately kissing him back fervently.
One of his hands had settled on your waist while the other was pressed against the wall by your head. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed him closer to you, unable to get enough of this man. Nanami eventually left your lips, causing you to groan in frustration before he attacked your neck with wet kisses. You panted heavily, brain suddenly fuzzy as you tried to process that this was actually happening.
âW-what happened to staying away?â you breathed as Nanami sucked on a particularly sensitive spot that left you weak.
âI changed my mind,â he muttered against your skin before continuing to attack your neck.
After Itadori had saved him from Mahitoâs domain, Nanami realized he had been given a second chance. He didnât want to live a life without regret, especially as a sorcerer. So he decided to heed Gojoâs advice for once.Â
He wanted to be a little selfish.Â
He wanted you.
Nanami pressed his forehead against yours as he rubbed his hands up and down your soft curves. You breathed heavily, trying to catch your breath as you got lost in his dark gaze.Â
âBedroom,â you whispered. Nanami nodded and quickly released you, so you could guide him to your room.Â
As soon as you entered the bedroom, you inwardly cursed. In the heat of the moment, you had completely forgotten what you had been doing before Nanami arrived. âUh, sorry, let me clean up real quick.â
What a way to kill the mood!
Nanami didnât seem to mind. He looked fairly amused as you swiftly closed all the books on your bed and haphazardly tossed them on the ground. Once the bed was finally cleared, you turned around to face Nanami, but he was already one step ahead of you. He gently pushed you on the bed, so you landed on your back as he hovered over you. Your breath caught in your throat as you admired the man in front of you. He was absolutely perfect.Â
Nanami played with the hem of your shirt. Taking the hint, you sat up a little and swiftly removed your shirt and bra, throwing them in the corner of your room. Nanami let out a breath he didnât realize he was holding as you took in your body. You fought the urge to cover yourself, feeling slightly embarrassed at how intensely the man was looking at you.
âYouâre beautiful,â he breathed as you flushed in response. He reached out with both his hands to start kneading your breasts. You moaned as he began playing with your nipples that were already hard from excitement. Nanami removed his hand from your left breast and replaced it with his mouth. You squirmed underneath him in pleasure as he lapped and sucked on your nipple. Once he was satisfied with his work, the sorcerer switched to your other breast to give it the same treatment. With every flick of his tongue, you could feel electricity run through your body. You only craved his touch more and more.
Nanami started kissing down the valley of your breasts to your stomach. He eventually reached the hem of your shorts. âMay I?â he asked.
You nodded, unable to trust your voice at the moment.
As he started tugging down your shorts, you lifted your hips to assist him. The garment was carelessly tossed to the ground. Immediately, Nanami could see how soaked your underwear was with your own arousal. His dick twitched in his pants. The sight of you so wet and eager from his touch alone only heightened his lust for you.
You practically sighed in relief when Nanami removed your underwear, fully exposing yourself to him. The heat from your core was overwhelming. You needed him to touch you and relieve some of that pressure before you lost your mind. A single finger stroked your folds, already slick with arousal. You gasped while Nanami groaned, enjoying how wet you already were for him.
âIâve barely touched you and youâre like this already,â Nanami teased. You panted, trying to grind yourself on his hand for more friction, more pressure, more anything. He chuckled seeing how desperate you were for his touch. The sorcerer finally reached your swollen nub and rubbed it leisurely. You immediately cried out, arching your hips into manâs touch.
âFuck,â you cursed as pleasure surged throughout your veins. Your eyes were squeezed tight as Nanami continued to play with your clit. You were so distracted by his fingers that you barely registered the hot breath near your entrance. It was only when a wet tongue began to prod into you that you realized what was happening.
With a gasp, your eyes flew upon to see Nanamiâs head comfortably settled between your legs as he licked at your cunt without restraint. The sight of him eating you out only stoked the raging fire inside you. You buried one of your hands in Nanamiâs hair as he worked diligently to get you off. The way he lapped at your fluids and sucked at your entrance had you moaning and quivering uncontrollably.Â
âYou taste so good,â he groaned against your folds as you barely registered his words.
A familiar pressure was building in your body. As it got stronger and stronger, you couldnât stop your legs from thrashing about. With a growl, Nanami locked his arms around your legs to keep them as still. It only took a gentle suck to your swollen clit for the tension in your body to finally snap. Mouth opened wide in a silent scream, you writhed around on the bed as you finally reached your peak.Â
Your mind was completely emptied while white-hot pleasure overtook your entire body. You swore you could see stars behind your eyes. As you rode out the last waves of your orgasm, Nanami eagerly slurped up your release, refusing to let a single drop go to waste.
Once you came down from your high, you released Nanamiâs hair and laid back on the bed with a sigh. He removed himself from between your legs. Your fluids still covered his face, and his normally styled hair was a complete mess from your grip. Just the sight of him was enough to cause another spark of desire to flare between your legs. This man was going to be the death of you.
âHoly fuck, Nanami,â you breathed.
âKento,â he replied, wiping his mouth clean on his sleeve. âCall me Kento.â
You flushed. Saying his first name felt incredibly intimate.Â
âKento.âÂ
He grunted with approval and then began to unbutton his shirt. You licked your lips as his broad shoulders and wide chest were finally revealed to you. He was incredibly well-built with defined muscles and abs, but a number of scars littered his body. Some looked quite fresh while others were old and almost completely faded.
This was the body of a jujutsu sorcerer.
You now understood why Nanami warned you that the jujutsu world was unsafe. You couldnât imagine the suffering behind all those wounds. Perhaps one day he would be willing to share his pain with you, so you could understand his world.
You wanted to rub your hands up and down Nanamiâs bare chest, but he moved out of your reach to start fiddling with his belt. Eyes lowering, you swallowed nervously as you stared at the large bulge that greeted you. Nanami slid down his pants and underwear in one go, erect cock finally released from its confines and bobbing in the air slightly.
The sight of him was both mouthwatering and intimidating. You admired the bulging veins and the bits of pre-cum that were already leaking out from the tip. He wasnât excessively long, but he was incredibly thick. You nervously wondered if you would be able to handle his impressive girth.
You wanted to touch and taste him, but Nanami wasnât interested. He gently pushed away your eager hands and instead spread open your legs once again. At the moment, he was more concerned about prepping you than chasing after his own pleasure.
He pressed one finger into your entrance, groaning as your walls greedily sucked him inside. You gasped, clenching around him. With how easily you were able to take one finger, Nanami slipped a second into you. It didnât hurt, but you could feel your cunt stretching around them as they thrust in and out of you. Nanamiâs fingers were so thick and long that you already felt so full.
âYouâre so tight,â Nanami hissed as you got lost in pleasure once again. He pushed those two fingers in and out of you, occasionally scissoring them to loosen you up. You could hear how wet you were as he continued prepping you to take his cock. Nanami moved his fingers at just the right angle to hit a spot that had you instantly moaning and clenching around him. But he suddenly removed himself from you which had you whining at the sudden loss of contact, feeling empty. However, you stopped complaining as you watched Nanami stroke his dick, spreading your fluids and his pre-cum all over himself.
âAre you on birth control or do I need a conââ
âIâm on birth control,â you cut him off impatiently. âHurry up. I want you inside me.â
Nanami didnât keep you waiting much longer. He lined himself at your entrance and slowly began to push in. It wasnât painful, but you still gasped as your walls stretched to accommodate his girth. The sorcerer immediately cursed when his tip entered you. You were so hot and tight around his cock that it took all his self-restraint not to immediately ram his full length into you. With slow, shallow strokes, you were able to accommodate more and more until his entire cock was buried inside you.
You felt so incredibly full. Your hand gripped the blanket on your bed to anchor yourself as you tried to get used to the sensation of being stuffed with Nanamiâs dick. He tried to remain still above you, waiting for your signal. Eventually, you met his gaze and gave a little nod. He sweetly kissed you on the lips before he started to move.
Nanami started at a slow pace afraid to hurt you at first, but he eventually settled into a rhythm that had you moaning his name over and over again. You were so wet that he slid in and out of you effortlessly, rubbing against your walls in a way that had you seeing stars again. You had wrapped your legs against his waist, allowing him to enter you even deeper.Â
You were almost babbling nonsense at this point, unaware of exactly what you were saying as your mind was just consumed by pleasure. âFuck. Kento. Youâre so big,â you whined. âFaster. Harder. D-donât stop. Please donât stop.â
Nanami adjusted the angle of his thrusts until he finally found the spot that had you gasping and clenching down on him again. He groaned, making sure to continue hitting the same exact spot with strong, fast thrusts at just the right tempo. âYouâre so perfect. Looking at you, taking my cock so well,â he growled.
The pressure was building again. Everything was so overwhelming. The lewd, wet noises of your bodies moving together. The way Nanami growled praises of you in your ear. The muscles on his back rippling with exertion underneath your wandering hands. You just needed that one final push.
One of your hands sneaked down to rub your clit, but Nanami pushed it away and pressed his thumb against your swollen nub instead. Just a couple of strokes had you reaching your peak again. You clenched down so hard around Nanami that his hips stuttered, groaning loudly in your ear. You were completely consumed by wave after wave of pleasure. You couldnât think. You couldnât hear. You couldnât see. All you could register was the pure bliss that racked your entire body, leaving you gasping and shuddering.
Nanami continued to fuck you through your orgasm, ramming his cock into you over and over again. His thrusts had become more frantic and uneven, chasing his own climax after you started to come down from yours.
âWhere should I cum?â he groaned with gritted teeth.
You wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled him down closer to you.
âCum inside me,â you panted against his ear.
He groaned. You were perfect. Absolutely perfect.
With a couple of more thrusts, Nanami completely buried himself inside you when he flooded your cunt with his cum. He remained inside for several more moments to catch his breath before finally removing himself from you. You slightly winced as his cock brushed past your sensitive walls. Nanami couldnât help but admire the way his cum slowly dribbled out of you.
He laid down next to you as you both began to calm down. No words were needed between the two of you. The silence was comfortable as you cuddled against his chest. Nanami rubbed your back absentmindedly as you hummed in delight.
Eventually, the two of you got out of bed and cleaned up. The textbooks and notebooks haphazardly thrown on your floor were ignored for the rest of the day. You thought you deserved a break anyways. The two of you ate dinner together, cuddled on the couch while watching a movie, and went at it again for another round before settling down to go to sleep.
You were passed out next to Nanami, completely worn out from the dayâs activities and normal sleep deprivation you had as a student. Your heavy breathing was the only sound in the tiny apartment. It strangely calmed Nanami just listening to you. He turned towards you and stroked your hair affectionately.Â
A part of Nanami still worried if he had made the right choice with you. He was still concerned about your safety and well-being. Would he only bring you more grief if you constantly agonized over his dangerous missions as a jujutsu sorcerer?Â
He let out a quiet sigh. He knew he would have regretted it if he continued to push you away. And if he was going to be a sorcerer, he wanted to be a sorcerer with no regrets.Â
Nanami only hoped that he would never cause you any pain and anguish because of his profession. It was rare for sorcerers and non-sorcerers to find happiness as a couple. But perhaps the two of you would be an exception.
He prayed the two of you would be an exception.
---
âWelcome! How may I help yâoh!â You blinked in surprise as three individuals walked into the small boba shop.
Gojo waved at you with an easy grin. Nanami stood next to him as handsome and stoic as ever, but there was a new face behind them. He looked like a high schooler.
The blindfolded teacher wrapped his arms around the boyâs shoulder and pointed at him. âMeet Yuji Itadori! One of our first-year students!â
âOh, itâs nice to meet you,â you said introducing yourself.
The boy tilted his head, looking at you curiously. âHow do you know Gojo-sensei and Nanamin?â
Nanamin?
You chuckled at the cute nickname.Â
âI told you to stop calling me that, Itadori,â Nanami replied, clearly bothered.
âWell, IâmâŚâ you hesitated. You didnât know what to say. A friend? An ex-coworker? A normal person who couldn't see curses but knew about their existence?
âSheâs Nanamiâs girlfriend!â Gojo exclaimed to your horror. You immediately flushed and looked to Nanami for him to clarify, but he didnât react. He glared at the blindfolded sorcerer as per usual but didnât refute the statement. Your eyes widened in realization.Â
âUh, y-yeah,â you stammered. âI guess I am.â
âNanamin has a girlfriend!?â Itadori gasped. He had even more respect for his mentor now.
âDonât sound so surprised,â Nanami growled much to your amusement.
You took their orders and began to prepare the drinks. Nanami and Idatori were talking in the corner while Gojo hung out at the counter near you. You had just finished sealing the drinks when the teacher explained something to you.
âOh, by the way, Yuji is supposed to be dead so be sure to not mention his existence to anyone else.â
You almost dropped the drink you were holding. âUm, okay.â You thought it was better not to ask questions.
Gojo thanked you as he took his drink from your hand and grabbed a straw for himself. âYo! Nanami! Yuji! Grab your drinks and letâs head out!â
Itadori followed Gojo out the door once he had his milk tea, but Nanami stayed behind.
âI meant it.â
âHuh?â you asked, cleaning the counter with a rag.
âI want you to be my girlfriend.â
You blinked, processing his words. A bright smile grew on your face. âWell, according to Gojo, Iâm already your girlfriend.â
Nanami let out a rare chuckle and flashed you a small smile. âIâll see you tonight.â
âGoodbye!â You waved as he left the shop.
Your coworker came out of the back room, looking at you suspiciously. âWhy are you so smiley?â She looked around the empty shop. âThereâs no one here.â
âOh, no reason," you replied with a hum.
#nanami x reader#kento nanami x reader#nanami smut#kento nanami smut#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#mine#n/sfw
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Safe Inside
Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
Word Count: 2,754
Warnings: Non/con. Explicit sexual content. Dark!Peter Parker AU. 18+ only!
The knock on your apartment door couldn't have come soon enough. After a long, tiring day working virtually, all you wanted was your take out, likely still warm from the restaurant downtown. Hair in a messy bun, long shirt covering a pair of shorts you padded to the door. Looking through the peephole, just to be safe. You couldnât be too careful nowadays.
You opened the door to see your usual delivery guy standing before you, grey Supreme hoodie beneath a black coat, the hood pulled over his head. In his hand were the handles of a plastic bag as he balanced a soda on top of it.
âGreek delivery for a pretty lady in apartment 410?â He asked, barely able to contain his smile.
âHey Pete,â you greeted, matching his energy. âI just Venmoâd you.â
âYou better not have included a tip, Y/N.â Peter handed over the soda and bag before grabbing his phone from his pocket to check for the transaction. âI told you to stop tipping me.â
âI know you did,â you answered smuggly. âBut you deserve a tip when you give me life by baklava.â He smiles back before peering into the apartment behind you. He was always doing that; checking, observing. You only ever ordered dinner for one, but that didnât stop him from being curious. Not one to easily trust, you know the little world you built can be easily destroyed if you let the wrong person in.
He never asked if you were seeing someone or overstepped. The most flirting you had done with this younger man was to tell him that if he got straight Aâs this semester at the university, youâd invite him inside for a drink.Â
âYeah, yeah. I appreciate you. I gotta run, but Iâll text you.â He waved and made his way down the hall.
Using your foot to kick your door closed you locked it with your free hand and set the food down on the counter. Setting your Spotify playlist to shuffle on 80âs rock before digging in at your tiny dining room table that barely fits in your small apartment.
You met Peter on a whim. Never one to plan meals out in advance, you were often left to starve or eat cereal for dinner after working. Never one to leave your apartment when it was dark out, you settled for having dinner delivered. Peter was delivery guy on a food delivery app and learned your dinner routine and favorites quickly. Which was surprising, because you couldnât possibly be the only person in Queens ordering take out every other night.
And he couldnât be the only delivery guy around, but he somehow became your usual delivery guy and you, his regular. Usually one to get chips as a side at a nearby deli, you didnât order any one evening. He messaged you No chips tonight?
It surprised you, but you brushed it off, telling him you were cutting back on junk food. He dropped off the meal at your door with a knock, but by the time you opened it, he was gone. Sitting at the top of the paper bag was a bag of your favorite chips.
Always one to drop off your food quickly and not stay to chat, you caught him one night to thank him and tip in cash. Since then, you two would talk in your doorway briefly, mostly keeping your friendship to text as you were both busy. After a year of limited in person social interaction, any casual conversation over your threshold was greatly accepted. One day soon youâd venture outside, but with the availability to have nearly everything delivered, you doubted that day would come soon. You just werenât ready.
Soon you ditched the app and just text him when you wanted dinner and he dropped it off to you. The price for you didnât change, but gave him some extra. You honestly didnât know why he chose to deliver food; he was always dressed extremely nicely in name brand clothes and you later found out he has a lucrative position at Stark Industries.
Once you had asked him why he chose to do this, in the literal rain and snow, and he told you that it was something to do. He got bored often and it was better than sitting in a lab all night. He made it seem like he did this for several people, but you didnât see how he had the time to.
In the middle of scrolling on your phone, thereâs a slow delay in registering what youâre seeing. Shaking your head and blinking hard, the sensation didnât go away. Your body seemed to relax as a deep buzz set in and your body movements sluggish. Bringing the fork up to your mouth for another bite, you missed completely, the rice pilaf dropping onto the table. You tried for another bite and this time succeeded.
Are you... high?
You tasted the mineral chalkiness before you noticed the white powder poorly mixed into your rice pilaf. Brain fuzzy, you tried to analyze the substance. Thinking it strange, you drank from your take out cup of soda to wash it down. It became harder to swallow each sip, but you had already finished half the meal.
A knock at your door echoes through the wood. Each footstep towards the door bounces between your ears. Struggling with the lock, you finally got it open, your legs almost numb and your arms heavy. On the other side of the threshold stands Peter, his hood over his head, eyes assessing you through his lashes as his head angles down.
âPete?âÂ
You feel his arms around you before the whoosh registers in your head. Blinking hard, you are lying on your back, limbs heavy. Some time must have passed, but you canât be sure.
âIâve got you,â he whispered from above you. âI think I gave you too much.â
Struggling to keep your eyes open, a shiver blankets your skin. You let out a whine when your tongue refuses to curl with your words. It lies heavy, your jaw loose as you slur out questions.
âPeter?â You try again. Your question is slurred and thereâs a pitched whine to your voice.
âShhh, this is for your own good.â
âMmphâ you mumble, unsure if you actually feel hurt right now at this moment. Your movements are heavy and slow, like running through water. Your back is against something soft that smells like your fabric softener. Your bed. When did you get here?
âIâve wanted you for so long. Now I can finally have you.â His hands seem to be frantic as he pulls your shorts from your hips and down your thighs before discarding them. Is he frantic or is this normal speed? His coat is gone and he pulls his hoodie over his head, his shirt stuck inside it. Heâs next to you a fraction of a moment later
His warm hands graze your hips as he pulls the oversized shirt off of you, the crack of static electricity sparking from your hair as it's pulled through the collar in your ears. His hand gently rests your head back down on the pillow. You whine again and try to cover your bare chest with your small hands. He notices and pulls them away.Â
âYouâre so beautiful,â he reassures, mistaking your modesty for insecurity. Heâs lying on top of you now, chest to chest. The heat of his bare skin as he presses into you, his hands tracing the shape of your waist and hips. He seems to be mesmerized.
âWe canât-â you want to scream, but even you arenât sure your thoughts matched what came out of your mouth. Your hands try to push him off of you, but heâs too solid, too in control. When that doesnât work, you slap his chest, but you donât really feel the impact on your palm. Youâre too numb. He grabs your wrist.
âI donât use my hands to harm and you wonât either.â He says this firmly, eyes locked on yours, but follows up with, âBehave or Iâll have to tie you up so you donât hurt yourself.â The latter comes out softer, more timid like the Peter you know.
His head dips down as he places sloppy, unpracticed open mouth kisses on your neck and shoulder. Quickly this turns into full sucking. You angle your chin to the side, scanning your nightstand for something, anything to help you. You eye a book, hardcover, heavy hand reaching up to grab for it. Maybe you can hit him hard enough to buy time.
Peter catches your movement and lets out an irritated, though shaky, sigh as it leaves his lips. âWhat did I say?â
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small, silver device. He grabs both of your arms and places each palm on an iron bar on the headboard before a white, sticky, material shoots from it and seals your hands to it. You pull, but they donât budge. He tosses it aside and slides down your body as you fight against your restraints.
The cool air brushes against you where your panties were. Vision unfocused, try to reconcile the split image of him and merge it into one. Itâs dim in here, but it looks like he has your panties in his fingers as he tosses them aside. He lowers himself to his forearms, eyes never leaving your face. Or you think heâs looking at your face.
His nose brushes against your slit, tentatively, as you flinch. Your tongue is motionless in your mouth, but feels swollen, like it will suffocate you. All the things you want to say are being swallowed in your constricted throat.
His tongue pokes out as you manage to shake your head a fraction bit side to side. It probes your folds, uncertain. It takes him a few attempts, but he seems to find a technique he likes. The flat of his tongue swiping up as he breaks eye contact and his eyes roll back, indulged in the taste of you.
The sight of him enthralled in your most delicate region forces a squeak from you. His eyes snap open and his hands grip your hips a bit harder as he dives his mouth onto you. Seemingly encouraged by your noises and movements.
âYou taste so good, baby.â He says, breathless, before he dives back in. Suddenly, his mouth finds your clit and he flicks his tongue against it hard. Itâs too much pressure and it has you wriggling, brow furrowed.
He seems to notice this, because he modifies and begins sucking on your clit instead. A shock wave is sent through you, your hips angle up to meet his mouth eagerly. Taking this as a sign to continue, he inserts two fingers inside you, stretching your hole.
Quivering, you try to fight off the orgasm building, thighs clenching his head. He seems superhuman as his fingers never cease their rhythmic curling inside you and his mouth sucks the life from you. Whatever he gave you makes it impossible for you to take deep breaths and the orgasm that drenches your body in sweat steals the air from your lungs. He slows his motions as you ride his fingers and mouth before slowly removing both from you.
He seems proud of himself as he says, âIâve always wanted to do that to you.â Itâs almost endearing, but then you remember youâre drugged and bound.
Stalking you like the prey you are, he crawls up your body and slides his pants and briefs off his hips. Heâs already hard as you try to focus your vision on him. Unable to tell how thick he is, you wonder if it will hurt. Perhaps if he caused you pain, your body would snap and find the adrenaline you need to get away. You pull against the bars again, hoping to break free. In the very least, your head lulls side to side in protest.
âI didnât bring a condom, but we donât need to worry about that. Iâll always take care of you.â He says, his forearm resting next to your head while his other hand reaches down, lining himself up with you. He pushes forward, breaching your entrance. Removing his hand, it moves to cup your head in his hand, sound muffled as he presses his palm hard against your skull.
Unable to move your head as he cradles it, your eyes flutter, unable to make him out clearly. His eyes penetrate yours, his eyes a deeper brown than you noticed before. His lips are parted as he catches his breath.
He slowly pushes forward, inch by inch. Your wet channel stretches and forms to him as he slips inside you. Despite the heaviness in your limbs and numbing to your skin, you can feel how your body accommodates him. The feeling of him is amplified by his heavy breathing in your ear as he pulls back and slams back into you.
âFuck, youâre tight.â You try to tune him out, the only thing you really focus on is the wet sound of your slick as he draws more from you. Your body operates on sensation alone and all you can feel is him. He finds a rhythm that seems inhumanly fast as his hips push yours into the mattress harder and harder.Â
He presses his chest against yours again and you canât tell whose body temperature is higher. The desire within you builds. Fighting through the haze, you cry out, spine arching off the bed. The fabric is damp beneath your hips and you wish you could be embarrassed by it.
Both of your breaths grow louder, more frantic. On particular thrusts when he tilts his hips. the tick of his cock angles up to hit your g spot, you let out a moan. Encouraged by this, the corner of his mouth lifts into a cocky smile.
âLouder, baby.â He commands breathlessly, seeming to find his courage.
He lifts his chest from yours and kneels, his hands lifting your hips up with him, your ass no longer on the bed. Grabbing for your ankles, hooking your heels over his brawny shoulders, he slams back into you. His forearm wraps around your shins, holding them in place while his opposite fingers find your sensitive clit. Letting out breathless gasps, you canât catch your breath or restrain your vocal cords. He continues plowing into you, fingers rubbing diagonally, frantically, against you.
âCome for me, Y/N. Soak my cock.â Something about this version of Peter, this feral side of the sweet delivery guy you thought you knew, makes you come again. Eyes rolling back, your lids closing as his hips become frantic. He squeezes your legs like a lifeline as he comes inside you, a loud grunt from above you.
He pulls out of you and lowers your hips to the bed. The euphoria sets in and your taught muscles relax into the bed. Leaning over you and he connects his nose with yours as he catches his breath. Youâre both hot, a thin layer of sweat over your skin, but that could be from whatever he gave you. Your shoulders are stiff and you try to tug again on the headboard.
âOh,â he chuckles, âthose will dissolve soon.â
Abruptly, he gets up, wiping his cock against the inside of your panties, before he slips them back on and settles them on your hips. His come drips out of you and into the panties, keeping you wet and reminded of him. How did this happen? You never let anyone inside the safety of your home.
Moments pass as you process this. Faintly, you hear his feet on the carpet before heâs back in your room, sipping on the soda he brought you.
âThirsty?â He asks and angles the straw to your mouth.
âMy shoulders hurt,â you murmur out.
âThen next time donât fight me. I think you understand that now, donât you?â
Even without touching you, he is still inside of you. There is a faint pulsing from your clit that radiates down to the soles of your feet. Rhythmic and matches your pulse as you come down. Your arms and thighs goosebump from the chill in the air and you can feel the balloon in your head deflate. But youâre still unable to respond to him so you lie there, surrendering to his power over you.Â
#dark!peter parker#dark!peter x reader#peter parker#spider-man#inappropriate use of web slinger#dark fic
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Traditions | 17.3k
a/n: it's been a while since I uploaded writing and for some reason I decided to sign up for this challenge and by some miracle actually managed to write something for it đ¤Żanyways, this is for the Valentine's Day Challenge by @1dffchallenges and it's honestly just a bit of fun, enemies to lovers little bit of angst and some smut! so i hope you enjoy! I'd always love to know your thoughts!! (also pls excuse any errors, I wrote this in a week with little editing lol)
prompt: doube date
dialogue:Â âSo let me get this right. You want to hire me as your date for a Valentineâs Day Party?â
Pink and red were speckled throughout the entire office, whether it was a bouquet of chocolate roses, a banner of hearts, or stuffed bears residing next to bowls full of heart-shaped candies. Every employeeâs section of the office had been filled to the brim with decorations as well. Pink and red ribbon taped carefully around the edges of their desktop computer, little store-bought balloons, also heart-shaped, grouped together and tied to desk chairs.Â
And Y/N, dressed in her typical all black outfit, rolled her eyes as she paced through the office toward the one section in the back that was immune to all things heart-shaped, pink, or stuffed.Â
She sat down at her desk with a loud sigh, her purse hitting the floor in its usual spot just before she slipped out of her jacket and draped it haphazardly between her back and the chair. Itâd be wrinkled by the end of the day, but she didnât care all that much, nor did she put much thought into the stains on her purse from leaving it on the floor. All she concerned herself with, after settling in, was getting straight to work⌠which was put on hiatus when she came face-to-face with both a pink and heart-shaped sticky note plastered onto the center of her computer screen.Â
Groaning, she ripped it off and moved to turn her computer on before she bothered to read whatever was written on the note. She considered three potential suspects while she pulled her keyboard down onto her desk and logged in. There was Kayla, who worked front reception and was one of the main culprits of all the Valentineâs decorations. A strong contender. It couldâve also been Ines or Carmen, her closest work friends whom Y/N knew both owned a pad of pink, heart-shaped sticky notes.Â
However, when she finally let her eyes fall to the note as her computer loaded up, the handwriting didnât match any of the women she knew, and she was quite positive that none of them would have written was was sprawled out in black ink either.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I will fill your office with teddy bears and balloons, if you donât send me your half of the proposal by two.
Harry.
She crumpled the note and tossed it into the bin under her desk. He could go fuck himself for all she cared. Sure, she was nearly done with her portion of the work and would be able to send it to him before then, but now that heâd pestered her about it, heâd be lucky if she even bothered to send it to him at all.Â
She didnât doubt the promise, i.e. threat, he made on the note, but being surrounded by teddy bears and balloons would be worth making Harryâs life just a tad miserable.
After opening all the apps sheâd need to get her work done, namely Photoshop and Illustrator, she connected her drawing tablet and set up the rest of her work station for the day, both on screen and off.
Harry had worked at the company for about two years longer than her and sheâd started off as an intern while she was still in college and, after graduating, was hired as a permanent graphic designer. They had never really gotten along ever since Harryâjokinglyâasked her to get him a coffee once⌠or twice. Unfortunately for her, though, they ended up working well together and their boss had stuck them both on the same projects ever since. Especially after the month-long project last spring that had been their most successful one to date.Â
While she came up with the design parts of client projects, Harry handled the more technical side of things and theyâd never really argued much over each otherâs work even though they clashed constantly at a more personal level.Â
âI see your feeling festive.â Just as sheâd gotten into the groove of her typical morning and had forgotten all about Harryâs stupid note, his voice interrupted her entire thought process. So when she swiveled around to find him leaning into her little office space, it was hardly a surprise when she glared at him, even though he feigned offense at her bitterness.
âYou got my note, I presume.â He let himself into her space anyway, holding a mug of steaming coffee she was sure heâd just made in the workroom, and leaned up against the opposite side of her desk that housed a much larger, digital drawing tablet for when she needed to do more intricate design pieces.Â
She just swiveled back around to face her computer again and went back to work as if he was no longer there. Pretending to ignore his existence proved to be quite difficult when the very particular woodsy, vanilla scents of his cologne met her nostrils and filled her entire office. Not to mention, the sight of what heâd been wearing singed the backs of her eyelids so that she still saw him every time she blinked. It was as if her brain refused to let her forget what he looked like in his white button-up, sleeves rolled to the crooks of his elbows, all tucked into his fitted black trousers that tended to get the imaginations going of all the women in the building.Â
Not her though, of course. She was better than that. Obviously.
He cleared his throat, still very much present in her space and still very much giving her a migraine. âSo will it be ready by two?â
âWell, I planned to send it to you before lunch.â She tweaked the spacing between letters of a potential logo for the millionth time. âBut now⌠I think I might need the rest of the day.â
She heard rustling behind her and knew he was shifting his weight impatiently and running a hand through his hair as he often did when he was⌠displeased. âI told you Iâm leaving early tomorrow and I need it no later than two.â
She cocked her head to the side, still staring at her computer screen and not giving him an ounce of satisfaction. âDid you tell me that?â She teased, an amused smirk lifting the corners of her mouth when she heard him groan behind her. âI mustâve forgotten.â Shrugging, she went back to her work.
âUnlike you,â he snapped, âsome of us actually have a love life and Iâd appreciate you not fucking up mine.â
She froze then, only for a split second, when his words sank in. Two thoughts raced through her head. The first a string of curse words because of his assumption that she didnât have a love life. But the more prominent and worrisome part of his statement was that he did have one. And that he was leaving early tomorrowâValentineâs Dayâso he could get ready for a date.
Throwing both her prickly exterior and heartbreaking smirk up again, she turned to face him. âIâve known you for three years now and if anyone has the potential to fuck up your love life, itâs you.â
He narrowed his eyes at her and her gaze fell to the hand that seemed to wrap a bit tighter around his Bugs Bunny mug. His knuckles whitened and she met his heated stare again, pleased with herself for getting him riled up before heâd even finished his morning coffee.
âSo,â she continued before he get get a word of retaliation out, and sat back against her chair, crossing her legs confidently as she folded her hands in her lap. âWhoâs the poor girl youâve tricked into going on a date with you this time?â
Harry had a terrible track record. The longest relationship heâd been in lasted for two months, and that was well before sheâd known him. Everything else he had was just a one or two night thing and nothing more. Sure, it was all more than she had, but she preferred it that way. Harry seemed to resent the fact that he couldnât keep a girlfriend to save his life.
âYou donât know her.â
Her smile widened. âHow long have you been seeing her?â
âCouple weeks.â
âOoh, that just might be your second longest relationship, Styles.âÂ
âWell at least Iâve had one.â
His jab didnât have an affect on her however, and he knew it wouldnât because it never did. He knew she didnât give a damn about relationships, or at least thatâs what she claimed anyway. He couldnât think of many twenty-four year old women who actually wanted to be alone. He actually couldnât think of a mid-twenties anyone who wanted that.
âYouâll have to try harder than that.â She said nonchalantly, which irked him even more than he already was, and then swiveled away from him one last time, picking up her drawing pen and getting back to work.
âWhatâs your issue with relationships?â He went on and she knew he was headed right down a path intended to hurt her feelings just as much as she had his. So, she tensed slightly and braced for impact. âIs it a commitment thing? Or can you just not find anyone to put up with you for longer than five minutes?âÂ
She let his words sink their teeth in and then smiled to herself. âHm. Seeing as youâve been in my office now for,â she checked the time at the top right-hand corner of her screen, âeight minutes, maybe we should date.â She lifted a brow, awaiting his next response.Â
It felt a bit like a cat-and-mouse chase bickering with Harry and since she was usually the cat, it brought her way too much pleasure fighting with him.
He scoffed. âLike Iâd lower my standards for you.â
That one hurt, she had to admit. Not out loud or to Harry, but it still stung because it was true. Heâd have to drop his standards to the floor to even consider dating her and she knew it.Â
âMaybe,â she began, still half focused on her work, and ignored his comment all together, âsome of us like being alone.â
âNobody likes that.â He responded quickly and she heard a shift of his weight again and then his voice once more a few moments later. âItâs nice to be by yourself sometimes, yeah, but you canât tell me you donât want someone to come home to at the end of the day.â He crossed one leg over the other as he gripped the edge of her desk for support and just when she thought he was done, he kept going, âSomeone you can vent to about your annoying co-worker.â
She glanced at him through the little portable mirror hanging above her deskâmostly used to make sure she looked decent before meeting with clients or, sometimes, Harryâand saw the tight smile on his lips. Almost as if thatâs what he wanted, like he was talking about himself and not her.Â
Sheâd slowed her progress down while heâd talked until she was no longer working at all. She no longer swiped her pen across the pad or had any idea what she was even doing when she focused solely on his words. Because, once again, whether he was talking about himself or about her, he was right.
âYeah well,â she quickly hid herself back behind her wall and made her hands function properly again. âSome of us also donât have the luxury of choosing whomever we want.â
She imagined him smirking at that one because, buried deep within her words was a compliment. That he was handsome enough to actually have anyone he wanted.
Instead, when she glanced at the mirror again and found him, there was the complete opposite of a smirk on his face, and as he stared down into his mug, clearly lost in thought, she wondered what the tightness in his jaw and the frown pulling on his lips meant.
She sighed and stole his attention away from his coffee. âIâll have it to you before lunch. You can go now, unless youâd like to argue some more and slow me down by anotherâŚâ she glanced at her clock again, adding up all the time heâd been standing in her office, âfifteen minutes.â
Without another word, she listened to the drag of his footsteps as he finally left her office space. And although she was glad to be rid of his distraction, the room felt so much bigger and so much colder and emptier without him in it. Shivering, she slipped back into her jacket and spent the next few hours doing nothing but staring straight ahead at her screen as she made final adjustments to her designs.Â
Any other conversations with Harry were had over email as he worked in his own respective office, messaging her with every little concern he had in order to get his work done efficiently so that he wasnât stressing to finish it tomorrow before he had to leave. Even though Y/N considered not responding to him a few times, just to spite him and slow him down for her own amusement, she found herself feeling guilty after leaving him hanging a couple times. Sure, she hated Valentineâs Day and everything surrounding it, but sheâd almost hate even more the idea of both her and Harry being miserable tomorrow, so she inevitably gave in and cooperated with him. Sheâd probably regret it when he came back on Thursday spreading around the office all the gory details of his date, but at least he wouldnât also be in a shitty mood. Her days were both boring and slow whenever Harry wasnât having a good day. And although sheâd blame it all on selfish reasons, it did also make her sad to see him frowning around the office and sulking when all she wanted to do was bicker with him and make him smile again, even just a little bit. But it was easier leaving him to his own devices than risk him finding out she cared about him enough to not wish sadness upon him. Â
She couldnât say the same for him. Harry probably relished in the days she came into the office in a sour mood. He probably celebrated and threw a party whenever she was upset, and, even so, it didnât change how she felt about him.
The sun had long set and most of the office was gone by the time she finally called it quits and began packing up her things and giving her computer a rest for the night. There were still quiet murmurs from other workaholic employees, which comforting her knowing she wasnât completely alone in the building, since the last time sheâd done that, it took everything in her not to have a panic attack all the way to her car.Â
Even though her boss told her countless times not to stay past five oâclock, as he told every other female employee that worked for him that he didnât wish to see attacked after sunset in the city. Of course, when she was the only one who didnât listen to him, he hired more guards and one of them rounded the corner into her office space, ready to escort her all the way down to her car.
âFigured you were still here.â He leaned against the walls of her cubicle and watched as she startled, twisting to meet his eyes for a moment before she settled and returned to slipping her belongings into her purse.Â
âI donât need you to escort me.â Zipping her purse, she rose from her chair, checking one last time across her desk to make sure sheâd grabbed everything she needed to take home with her before turning to him as he still lingered in the opening of her little office.Â
William had been hired a couple months ago, and was only a year older than her, but even so he was more than a foot taller than her and his biceps were about as big as her head. While the entire office drooled over him, she tended to keep her eyes and her thoughts to herself.Â
âYou say that every night you stay late. Just let me do my job and shut up about it.â He smirked at her and when her eyes met his again, sharply, glaring at him, she groaned and whirled past him toward the elevators. He followed swiftly behind, knowing sheâd close the doors on him if he didnât keep close enough pace with her, mostly because sheâd done it before.
As he took his spot beside her and she pressed the button for the parking garage at the basement of the building, a familiar voice rang out through the office.
âWait!â As if she wasnât already annoyed enough with Williamâs presence, his stupidly large arm held the elevator doors open as Harry slipped inside a moment later.
âThanks, mate.â Harry said exclusively to William as he caught his breath and stood wedged in the middle between the guard and Y/N, who was inching closer and closer into her corner to get away from Harry.
âYou have any plans tomorrow?â Harry asked, his attention solely on William again while the elevator took off down through the levels of their building. Not fast enough for Y/N, of course.
William sighed, crossing his arms and trying to resist smiling. âMe and my girlfriend take turns surprising each other every year. And itâs her turn this year⌠so I guess I have plans, but I donât know what they are.â
âDamn, way to make us feel incompetent.â
Y/N whirled her head to glare up at the side of Harryâs face. âSpeak for yourself.â She warned.
Harry just ignored her though. âWhat did you guys do last year?â
Again, William stifled a grin. âI had been saving up for a while and took us both to Paris.â
âShit.â Harryâs eyebrows rose and Y/N rolled her eyes away from him, watching the LED screen above the elevator doors as they neared the bottom levels of the building. She knew Harry and William had become friends, mostly because Harry was annoying and befriended everyone. Except her, of course. She heard his stupid voice again and wished she could just transport herself directly into the front seat of her car and be done with the both of them. âAnd now she has to do better than Paris.â
Y/N glanced around Harry just in time to see William smirk and she should have known what was about to come out of his mouth before it did. âWell, I donât consider much better than her mouth arââ
Y/N cut him off. âEw! Are you serious?â
Both men eyed her curiously just as the elevator came to a stop and, with a ding, the doors opened. She flew toward them quickly.
âY/N wait, I have toââ
Again, she cut him off, turning once she was out on solid ground. âIâll be fine, besides trying to rid my mind of that image you just burned into it.â She turned on her heel and headed off toward her car.
William made a move toward her and Harry grabbed his arm, âIâll walk her. Forgot sheâs a bit of a prude.â They shared an amused look and Harry jogged out onto the concrete and asphalt until he reached her side.
âI heard that, you know⌠and I know for a fact your car is not parked in this direction.â She seethed and he just smiled to himself, happier than ever that she was in the mood to bicker with him, because he wasnât quite in the mood to leave yet, where heâd have to wait till tomorrow morning at nine-thirty to see her again. And she wasnât always the most talkative person on Valentineâs Day, either.
âWhy are you the only female in our building not foaming at the mouth over him?â He asked instead, referring to William.
He heard her scoff. âJust because heâs attractive doesnât mean I have to be interested⌠or want to hear about his girlfriend sucking hisââ
âCock?â Harry finished for her and within a second she spun around to face him, forcing him to stop in his tracks just inches from her now. His smirk only grew when he saw just how quickly heâd gotten her all flustered.Â
And then, as they started each other down, the hardness in her face softened and she drew out a breath, forcing his eyes to fall to her lips and his smirk to fall from his mouth. He thought back to last spring, when there were numerous late nights with her just like this one. When he went home and couldnât stop thinking aboutâŚ
âWhy are you looking at me like that?â She asked and he blinked a couple times before he lifted his eyes.
âLike what?â He furrowed his brows, trying to track down all the resentment he had for her but he couldnât find it anywhere anymore. He couldnât summon it and say something that would save his ass from being caught looking at her like he wanted to kiss her.
Like he wanted to taste her and feel her against him, and hear what she sounded like when he tugged at her hair for more.
âNevermind.â She shook her head, silencing the chaos going on in his brain. And then she turned, continuing the walk to her car with or without him, but, when she heard the echoing click of his shoes against the asphalt once more, she knew she wasnât rid of him yet.
âI donât suppose youâll give me a ride back to my car, will you?â He easily stepped back into place beside her like nothing had happened.
She didnât say anything for much longer than he was comfortable with. And then, finally, they reached her car and she sighed. âGet in before I change my mind.â
As she went for the driverâs side, he took quick steps to the opposite side, watching her over the top of her little Honda as she unlocked her door, and then, after clicking the button, his door as well. They both slipped in at the same time and while she fastened her seatbelt and settled in for her drive home, he sat perched with his backpack in his lap, knowing heâd be out of her car within only a couple minutes.
He still glanced around at his surroundings as she backed out of her parking space. âShouldâve guessed your car would be as neat as your desk.â
She didnât say anything as she drove in the opposite direction of the exit toward the section of the garage Harry always parked in. It was closer to the elevators because he always came in before her and snagged a prime spot. She preferred an extra few minutes of sleep over walking an extra fifty steps.
And he started up again when she continued to not talk to him. âMost artists I know of are super messy.â
âIâm not an artist.â She gritted out through her teeth as she came to a stop once she spotted the rear-end of Harryâs BMW. Although she knew it well enough to distinguish it from the other black BMWs in the garage, it also helped that Harry had an old, faded license plate cover filled with a collage of cute pictures of puppies. Heâd said it won him bonus points with women, but she also knew his screensaver at work was a picture of puppies as well, and no women he was interested in ever saw that.
He peeled his eyes off his car and looked over at her. âI know you can draw, too.â
She paused, gripping her steering wheel. She did enjoy both art and design and she knew Harry knew the difference between the two. She just didnât know why he always insisted on bugging her about it.Â
âYeah, well that doesnât make me an artist.â
When he didnât say anything, she glanced at him just in time to find him shrugging a shoulder like he was agreeing to disagree. Even if she couldnât draw, heâd still consider her an artist because the things she managed to design always blew his mind and if that wasnât artâŚÂ
She rolled her eyes. âAre you going to get out, or do I have to drag you?â
He grinned, and it was almost as if her eyes refused to see anything else but his dimples and the bright whites of his teeth, and the birthmark to the side of his mouthâŚÂ
âIâm going.â He assured, and yet he still hadnât moved an inch. âEven though Iâd love to see you try to drag me.â With her knuckles whitening on the steering wheel, he chuckled and unzipped the small pocket on the front of his backpack, withdrawing his keys as he finally swung her door open.
Once he was out, he gripped the top of the door and leaned back in to find her staring straight ahead. âDrive carefully, yeah? Would be quite tragic for your bitter ass to die on Valentineâs Day.â
She reached over and, despite having to brush her knuckles along the side of his thigh, grabbed the handle of the passenger door and yanked. His body remained in her way, however, and he was unfortunately a lot stronger than her.
Then she finally looked up at him, and those thoughts he had earlier surfaced again as much as heâd tried to bury them. This time though, he didnât fight it as he glanced at her lips once more, then back at her eyes, which had widened slightly just before the dimples reappeared in his cheeks. âAnd I guess I would miss bickering with you every day.â
With that, he was gone and she retreated back to her seat as he shut the door for her. She had no idea what to think about what had just happened. Why heâd looked at her like that again. What that look even meant.Â
By the time she reached the freeway, sheâd convinced herself she was just seeing things. Harry wasnât looking at her in any other way he had before when he was intent on pestering her. But, as she took in the scent of him still lingering in the cabin, she allowed a small part of her to hope she was wrong.
Her eyes fell on the man down the hall from her door as she slipped her key into the lock, her brows furrowing as she watched him. It wasnât unusual for their paths to cross, as they tended to get home around the same time, but it was quite odd to see him sitting on the floor outside his apartment, his head in his hands.Â
Theyâd said hi to each other a couple times in the mailroom, but she definitely didnât know him well enough to go up and ask what his issue was or try to fix it for him. And after it was confirmed that he hadnât, in fact, lost his keys, as they sat beside him on the floor along with his phone, she figured it best to leave him be.Â
Turning her key, she pulled her gaze from him and disappeared from the hallway.
The second she was inside her apartment, she felt all the weight lift right off her shoulders, especially when her cat came racing up, screaming at her from the floor while also coaxing her toward the kitchen to fill the food bowl. Whatever was going on with her neighbor still very much on her mind, she tried to focus instead on relaxing and getting both her and the screaming Pretzel some dinner.Â
She tried to remember his name as she heated up leftover pasta. She knew it started with an A, but her brain was coming up short. So, while Pretzel crunched on his food in his corner of the kitchen, she tried her hardest to remember.Â
And it was no question why she cared so much. Her neighbor was someone she was actually interested in, and she had been since she first saw him. Of course, she was never foolish enough to think he was into her, but she still let herself fantasize. He was tall, nearly black curly hair atop his head always in a state of disarray, and he had the most beautiful blue eyes sheâd ever seen hidden behind his glasses. And, if she was being honest with herself, he was just a darker-haired version of Harry. Maybe thatâs why she liked him.
The beeping of her microwave tore her thoughts from the dangerous path theyâd been headed down. Harryâs voice rang in her head a moment later.
Like Iâd lower my standards for you.
Sheâd needed to hear him say that, because sometimes her thoughts got carried away when it came to Harry and sometimes she did let herself be a fool who hoped. But after heâd said that one damning phrase, it was enough for her to stop. She didnât meet a single one of his standards, inside or out.Â
Still, she tried her hardest not to go back out into the hall and make sure her neighbor was alright. Maybe he just needed someone to talk to and it wasnât like she was doing anything important. Even if she didnât have a dumb crush on him, as she did Harry, she still didnât enjoy seeing him in the state heâd been in.
Before she could work up the nerve, however, a knock sounded through her quiet apartment.
She held her breath as she opened her door, really hoping it wasnât the boy from across the hall, since she was still blanking on his name, but she couldnât imagine anyone else knocking on her door this late into the evening.Â
So when she inevitably found him there, looking down at her through his annoyingly long lashes as she took in the horrible state he was inâred, inflamed eyes and hair that needed to see a brush rather than his handâshe completely lost her breath instead.
âUh, sorry, I⌠saw you come in and I know we donât talk and this is a weird thing for me to ask butâŚâ He ran said hand through said messy hair and she found her breath again while looking up at him like sheâd do whatever heâd asked just so heâd stop frowning.
He sighed, glancing down the hall toward his apartment and then met her curious and somewhat concerned gaze. âCan I come in?â
She recoiled. âUm⌠why?â
âWell, um, I was hoping you could help me with something and Iâd rather not have the entire floor know about it.â
She was beyond confused now, but still, she stepped aside and let him pass, assuming that if he was actually a murderer he would have done her in a lot sooner than this. He had plenty of other opportunities. Plus, something in his face just⌠made her want to trust him.
She closed the door and turned to him, watching as his eyes scanned her kitchen and where her food still sat before he twisted around, eyes wide. âShit, Iâm sorry for interrupting.â
She shook her head. âItâs fine.â And after clearing her throat, she crossed her arms over her chest. âWhat do you, um⌠what do you need help with?â
He swallowed and she watched his Adamâs apple budge in his throat. âI donât imagine youâll like me very much after I ask but⌠I need a date.â
âWhat?â Again, she nearly flew out of her skin.
His eyes darted back and forth between hers, gauging her reactions and very obviously on the verge of seeing himself out and pretending this never happened. Instead, he stuffed away his pride and went on. âMy ex⌠she, uh⌠well we broke up a few months ago and I saw her the other day and sheâs seeing someone and we were talking and I⌠told her I was seeing someone too and so she invited me to go on this stupid double date with her⌠but the thing is⌠Iâm not actually seeing anyone and I just told her that so sheâd be jealous but she didnât seem jealous at all and I donât exactly have many friends to ask for help and I saw you andâŚâ He rambled, but she managed to understand his predicament just fine.Â
âA double date? With your ex?â
He shrugged. âI donât know either. Sheâs⌠she does weird shit but⌠I still want her back.â
Y/Nâs heart ached in her chest. As much as she detested relationships, she was a sucker for other peopleâs relationships and she was definitely a sucker for her beautiful neighbor, even if he was asking to use her to make his ex-girlfriend jealous.
âNot that Iâm saying yes but⌠when? And where?â She finally asked after thinking things over for a moment.
âTomorrow night⌠I can pay you. I will pay you, I mean⌠but, seriously, you donât have to do it I just thought I would ask.â
âWhere is this date at?â She repeated when he didnât answer that part of her question.
âAt this party⌠and befââ
She cut him off. âOkay so let me get this right. You want to hire me as your date to a Valentineâs Day party?â
He lifted a brow, âWell, thereâs more⌠she wants to get dinner before going to the party.â
She shook her head, looking away, âI donât really do Valentineâs DayâŚâ
âYou wouldnât have to do much. Iâll pay for your dinner, too. Whatever you want. I just⌠really need your help and youâre my only option.â
She narrowed her eyes at him. âYou realize Iâm not exactlyâŚâ she waved at her face and his eyebrows screwed together in confusion. âIâm not easy on the eyes and I donât think taking me will make anyone jealous.â
He didnât say anything for a while, just stared at her incredulously. She shifted her weight nervously and he finally opened his mouth. âYou donât actually think that, do you?â
Her features scrunched up and she kept her eyes planted on the middle of his chest. And then he realized that she, in fact, did.
âIâm so sorry⌠I shouldnât have asked you to do this.â He also realized that using her to make his ex jealous would possibly hurt her more than it would help him and he could no longer fathom putting her through that. âIâll figure it out. Iâm sorry.â He moved to walk past her, back to his apartment but she stopped him before he got far.
âNo⌠Iâll help you.â And then she realized his identity was still somewhat of a mystery to her. âThis sounds even worse than what you just asked me to do, but⌠I completely forgot your name.â
He breathed out a laugh. âItâs Adam.â
She knew it had started with an A!
âY/N.âÂ
He smiled wider and nodded. âI know.â And then his face grew sad again. âI am really sorry Iâm asking you to do this on Valentineâs Day, itâs definitely not my proudest moment.â
She waved him off. âI wasnât going to do anything anyway. Just tell me what you need me to do.â She didnât bother brining up the whole payment thing. She didnât really care about being paid. He was nice, the only nice person sheâd encountered in her apartment building and if getting him back together with his ex meant sheâd never have to come home and see him in the fetal position on the floor again, sheâd suffer through a date and a party on her least favorite holiday.
It was somehow even worse than itâd been yesterday. The decorations seemed to triple in size. Not an inch of the office was untouched by something pink and she prayed whoever had put up even more decorations had spared her little cubicle.
âOh, hey, Y/N!â One of the receptionists most responsible for the overflowing decor, Kayla, called her over to her desk not even a minute after Y/N had arrived. And she stalked over until she saw the package Kayla pulled out that instantly lifted her spirits.
She stopped in front of Kaylaâs desk and took the thin box from from her, already knowing what it was and thanking god for the timing so that her entire day wasnât completely miserable. It was a new drawing pad sheâd ordered, a bigger one that she hoped would be a bit more efficient to use than her current one.
Even with her back turned to the rest of the office, she sensed Harryâs presence long before he stopped beside her with his mug in hand.
He lifted a brow at the package in Y/Nâs hands just as she reluctantly turned to look at him. âGetting gifts sent to the office? Thatâs a first.â
She rolled her eyes and stuffed the box under her arm, holding herself back from running off to her office to set it up. âJealous?â She cocked her head.
And instead of his condescending smirk and a hateful response to go with it, the sparkle in his eyes seemed to fade as he eyed the box again, genuinely worried now that it was actually a gift from someone.Â
Before either could say anything, they all turned to find a delivery man walking up to Kayla with a giant bouquet of flowers in tow. And so it began. Although, when Kayla took the vase from the man eagerly, a bright smile on her face because Kayla loved love a little too much, Y/N couldnât help but think about Adam. About how the only time sheâd managed to get a date on Valentineâs Day was when it wasnât even real. Instead, sheâd stupidly agreed to help her cute neighbor win back his ex-girlfriend in exchange for a free dinner.
It was⌠pathetic. To say the least.
She felt Harry watching her, too, while she eyed the bouquet of flowers as they departed reception with Kayla and made their way to their recipient. As stupid as she found everything about the holiday, she couldnât help but want someone to send her flowers. To give her anything for that matter. To have thought about her for at least a second of their day. Harry cleared his throat and she tore her eyes away.
âSo⌠whatâs in the box?â
âNone of your business.â She rounded him, heading to her office, but he grabbed her free arm to stop her short and didnât speak until she met his gaze again.
âCan we meet up in my office to finish the proposal? Think itâll be easier to get it done than over email.â
She had every reason to be suspicious of him. They almost never worked in each otherâs offices. When they did work together, which was often, it was in one of the empty conference rooms and it was usually at the beginning of the process when they needed the space to plan things out. The last time theyâd really been in each otherâs offices was last spring. Figuring he just wanted to get things done so he could be out of the office on time, she let it go.
âGive me fifteen minutes.â
He watched her walk away, watched her even as Kayla returned and noticed his gaze and giggled at him as she took her spot back behind her desk.
âIt was something she ordered for herself, by the way.â
âWhat?â Harry whipped around again, not having even realized the other woman until now.
âI know you two pretend to hate each other but I see the way you look at her, Harry.â Kayla lifted a brow at him as she began typing on her keyboard.
He feigned disgust. âIâm seeing someone, you know.â
âAre you?â
âYes.â He insisted. âI have a date. Tonight.â
She lifted her hands in surrender. âOkay⌠Iâm just saying.â
âI donât look at her.â
Kayla suppressed a smile and snorted instead. âIf you say so. I guess you didnât also sneak into her office this morning, either.â
âI think all these flowers and stuffed bears and heart-shaped things have gotten to your head.â He pointed around to the decor littering her desk while holding his mug steady.
Kayla met his eyes and her smile slipped off her face. âHarry, please donât mess with her.â
His face screwed up. âWhatâs that supposed to mean?â
âIf you donât like her then donât lead her on.â
âI donât think sheâs capable of being led on.â
Kayla froze for a moment and then nodded. âYouâre right.â
He wasnât sure what she meant by that either. âWhy are you being weird?â
âBecause,â Kayla sighed, brushing her curled brunette hair onto one shoulder and then lowered the volume of her voice. âI happen to know she doesnât think very highly of herself and Iâd rather not see her get hurt, especially not by you.â
Now Harry froze. The hand that gripped his mug tightened and he didnât even flinch as it began to burn his skin. He heard Y/Nâs voice in his head then as he drowned out his surroundings.
Some of us donât have the luxury of choosing whomever we want.
He had instantly regretted what heâd said to her yesterday when sheâd told him that. And now hearing Kayla, in a way, confirm what heâd read between the lines of Y/Nâs words⌠his chest tightened in quite possibly the worst way ever. Heâd hated himself most of the day after telling her heâd never lower his standards for her and he could say he was just bickering all he wanted, but he knew now for certain she took it the wrong way. And he wished more than ever that he hadnât said something so horrible to her, especially when it was the farthest thing from the truth.Â
And the real truth, that he was trying desperately to shove away with stupid remarks like that, was that he didnât meet her standards. She wasnât into relationships and he knew he wasnât good enough to change her mind.
âHow do you know that?â He finally asked.
âThat Christmas party last year⌠sheâs a really happy drunk until sheâs not.â
He flinched. âDid she say something?â
âI donât want to get into it, mostly because I donât think she remembers and would probably kill me if I told you but⌠just leave her be.â
He hardened back up again. âShe doesât have any interest in relationships anyway, âspecially not with me.â
Kayla scoffed. âSheâs a really good liar.â
Harry stood there for a few more moments, feeling as if his life had just gotten flipped upside down. Heâd been in such a good mood mere minutes ago before his dumbass waltzed into reception all because heâd seen Y/N. Because, despite everything and despite the fact he was already attempting to date someone else, it was Y/N he wanted to be close to all the damn time. Groaning, he turned on his heel and left for his office, hoping she wasnât there waiting for him so he could have a moment to himself to gather his thoughts.
In a hurry to open her package, Y/N slumped down into her chair tossing her purse on the ground at her feet and pulling out her box cutter in a rush of movements. She was so distracted, in fact, that she didnât even notice the little stuffed frog, the box of chocolates and envelope sitting on the other side of her desk near her mouse. Instead, she unboxed her new tablet and began setting it up, not noticing the gifts until she went to turn on her computer. And then she froze.
With reluctant hands she grabbed the envelope first, her name printed on it in perfect cursive. She knew nobody in the office who had such good penmanship. Opening the card in hopes of finding out who had placed the items on her desk, instead, she just found it signed as âsecret admirer.â Rolling her eyes, she set the card down and realized it had to be from her boss. Sometimes he remembered to go around and give everyone little gifts on the holidays. Obviously heâd remembered this year.Â
She dug into the chocolates as she set up her tablet and began calibrating it to suit her needs before finally testing it out in the little bit of time she had before she needed to make her way to Harryâs office.Â
And once that time came, she left everything in its place, besides the box of chocolates, which she continued to pick at while she made her way through the room. What she didnât notice while stuffing her face with candy was that⌠no one else had a stuffed frog or chocolates or a cheesy little card on their desks.
She rounded the corner into Harryâs office, which was a real office and not a cubicle that he usually shared with one other person who was thankfully out with clients for the day. She knocked on the doorframe to get his attention after just watching him focus on his screen for a moment. Harry was cute when he was focused.
But then he turned to her and his eyes fell to the box in her hand.
When he didnât say anything, she held it out toward him. âDo you want some? I think Andrew was feeling generous this year.â
Harryâs eyes quickly panned up to hers and his brows furrowed as if sheâd just punched him in the gut. And she couldnât make out what that expression meant no matter how hard she tried.Â
âHe didnât give me anything.â Harry motioned around his desk.
âMaybe he doesnât like you.â She shrugged, setting the chocolates down on his desk while she grabbed his office mateâs chair and pulled it up beside him.
Harry sighed, turning to his computer for a moment and then watching her from his peripheral while she picked out another piece of chocolate. âI didnât see anyone else with chocolates on their desks this morning.â
Y/N just shrugged. âThere was a frog too. And a card.â
âAnd why do you think heâd give you all of that and no one else?â Harry hoped sheâd get the hint but he didnât hope too hard. She was still Y/N after all. And he really didnât mean to sound so bitter⌠well, okay, he did. But he knew sheâd misplace his bitterness, crushing what little hope there was to bits.
âMaybe he likes me better than all the rest of you.â
Harry scoffed, shaking his head as he put his attention back on his screen.Â
âNo one else in this office would give me a card signed as a secret admirer so⌠maybe I did something I donât remember doing and heâs thanking me?â Now that she really thought about it, and if Harry was right⌠then it really didnât make much sense. Itâs not like she was Andrewâs favorite employee.
Harry just lifted a brow and then pretended to lose all interest.Â
Sensing the tension, she slipped the box closer to him. âHere. I think you need a knock-off Snickers if you expect me to work with your grumpy ass.â He made no move to indulge her, however. And so she went on, continuing to poke the bear. âWhy are you in a lousy mood anyway? Isnât this your favorite holiday? And you get to leave early.â
His eyes fell from his screen and he stared at the brick of sticky notes below his monitor before mumbling, âIâm sorry about what I said yesterday.â
Taken aback, she searched what she could see of his face for answers to what he was apologizing for. Heâd said a few things she could imagine deserved an apology and yet, so did she. Maybe she should have been the one to apologize to him first.
âI didnât mean to say what I did.â He finally turned to meet her face on. Heâd hoped the frog and the chocolates would have been atonement enough, but considering she thought they were from their boss and not him, he just had to suck it up and actually say what he meant.
She shrugged. âItâs fine. I can be a prude sometimes.â
He searched her eyes for a moment and then shook his head, âNo thatâs not⌠I meant what I said earlier in your office⌠about lowering my standards. It was a stupid thing to say and not true in the slightest.â
But then she smiled and he grew confused. âYes it is. Itâs okay to have standards, you know.â
âI know that. But if we⌠I wouldnât have to lower my standards. And it was cruel of me to have said that to you.â
She couldnât stand looking at him any longer and averted her gaze, clearing her throat. âWell it doesnât matter so⌠can we just get this proposal done?â
Heâd wanted to spend how ever long it took to convince her that it did, in fact, matter, but Y/N was persistent, more so than him, and so heâd given in and they moved on to being productive with their time. And in less time than heâd anticipated their proposal was finished, being sent off to Andrew for approval before their presentation at the end of the week with their clients.
Harry sat back in his chair and she returned her own to the other desk where it belonged, all while he watched her.Â
âWhat do you do on Valentineâs Day?â He asked, just trying to get her to stay longer, knowing that if those were his true intentions, then he was fucked. That he wanted to be around Y/N, even though he was seeing someone else, albeit for just a week so far, even though sheâd never want the same from him.Â
Maybe he was just as terrible with relationships as she claimed if he always chased after what he couldnât have.
âThat is also none of your business.â She grabbed her box of chocolates from his desk, his voice pinning her in place again though.
âLet me guess⌠it involves chocolate, your cat, and the most anti-romantic movies you can find?â
He would not think her very prudish if he knew what else she did on Valentineâs Day while alone in her apartment, but she figured it was best to keep that to herself. Instead, she smiled at him. âSomething like that.â
He narrowed his eyes and threw his arms up behind his head as he laid back in his chair, watching her curiously like he was trying to figure her out. Meanwhile, she was trying to not make it obvious she was staring at his biceps as they just about bulged from underneath the sleeve of his pink button-up. Heâd done it on purpose though, so as much as she tried to hide it, he still grinned with satisfaction when she became flustered.
âWell, have fun with that, then.â He nodded, and for a moment while she was lost in his eyes and growing embarrassingly hot, she wondered if he could read her mind. If he knew exactly what not-so-innocent things she did on Valentineâs Day. Then he brought his arms back down to rest his elbows on the edge of his desk, pinching his bottom lip between his fingers and watching as she rolled her eyes, held her chocolates close, and left his office.Â
Adam arrived right when he said he would at five-thirty. It had given her plenty of time to change out of her work clothes and into one of the few dresses she owned, to at least seem somewhat convincing that this was a real date. She also fixed her makeup and put on a pinkish-nude lipstick before switching out her bulky purse for a smaller crossbody.Â
When she opened the door to him, he most certainly did not disappoint. She almost let herself get lost in the delusion that it was a real date when she saw him dressed to the nines and cleaned up for the first time since sheâd known him. And she especially got a little lost in it when he pulled a small bouquet of flowers from behind his back and handed them to her.Â
âYou didnât have toââ
âI know.â He gave her a once over when she wasnât looking. âYou didnât have to do this for me either.â
She quietly accepted the flowers and let him in while she found a vase and filled it with water. He leaned on the counter, watching her as she did so.
âYou look⌠beautiful, by the way.â He blurted out once she had cut and placed the stems into the vase. Her hands froze, though, and when he met her eyes, he knew heâd made a mistake.
âYouâre paying me to make your ex-girlfriend jealous. Please donât flatter me.â
âSorry.â He muttered, although he was beginning to wonder if the bigger mistake was not taking her out on a proper date that had nothing to do with his ex.Â
She sighed and adjusted the strap of her purse. âLetâs go then.â
He went over all the final details on the Uber ride to the restaurant. Things about his ex he thought Y/N should know about. And he made sure she knew, for about the hundredth time, that she didnât have to do anything she didnât want to. And she reminded him for an equal amount of times that she never did anything she didnât want to do. So, settling that, he helped her out of the back of the Uber when they arrived and opened the door to the restraint for her as well. Everything that sheâd expect from a normal date, which only left her disappointed when she reminded herself it wasnât.
She waited quietly, and tried to catch her nerves, while Adam talked to the hostess and gave her his exâs name for the reservation. The place was packed and anyone who didnât call ahead surely would not be getting a table tonight. Sheâd never been out on Valentineâs Day, though, so it was like stepping into a brand new world for her. And as she followed both the hostess and Adam, she paid more attention to all the couples enjoying their meals than anything else.
Except for when he reached back and grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers just before they came to a stop. She blinked her eyes at their hands for just a moment before he gently pulled her around next to him. And whatever way sheâd felt about holding Adamâs hand went right out the window when she locked eyes with Harry.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
The last thing she expected to find, while Laura, the gorgeous blonde ex-girlfriend, stood to hug Adam, was Harry fucking Styles. And what a fucking coincidence it was, almost as if this was her karma for feeling the need to constantly help people.Â
Adamâs hand slipped from hers but she didnât even notice it anyway. She and Harry still stared each other down and neither of them moved a muscle either. Well, besides the one in his jaw as it tightened. Then he did move, glancing over at Adam with a blank expression before landing his gaze back on her again. And then his eyes fell to the glass of water in front of him and she felt like sheâd been released from chains heâd tied around her wrists.
âThis is Y/N,â Adamâs hand went to the small of her back, guiding her forward to meet his ex-girlfriend and Harryâs current⌠whatever they were.Â
Laura held out her hand, her smile a little too forced. âLaura. Itâs nice to meet you. Please, sit.â She ushered them to the table as she took her spot beside Harry again. Adam, of course, took the chair opposite Laura, which left Y/N in the one opposite Harry.Â
This would be a long, hellish night.
She couldnât help but wonder what Harry was thinking. That maybe sheâd come to crash his date. Or, even worse, that heâd already figured the whole thing out. That Adam was paying her to be here. She really hoped heâd never find out because it was just embarrassing enough to make her want to change her name and move across the country, thousands of miles away from him. Harry finding out that she couldnât get a real date to save her life⌠beyond humiliating.
âThis is Harry.â Laura motioned to him and he just barely lifted his gaze, nodding at Adam and ignoring Y/N entirely. âYou know,â the blonde went on, glancing between Adam and Y/N, âI was a little shocked when you told me you were seeing someone again.â
Adam just shrugged.
âHow did you guys meet?âÂ
Y/N left all the talking to him. Mostly because she was still in shock that she was sitting across from Harry. And she hadnât even taken the time to properly take him in and realized heâd also changed his clothes since work. Swapping his wardrobe out for a fitted black button-up, that wasnât buttoned all the way to the top as his shirts normally were. The sleeves were already rolled to his elbows. Heâd shaved off the scruff along his jaw as well and fixed his hair so that it was combed back out of his face, although a a couple rebellious strands hung down onto his forehead. He looked⌠like absolute perfection. And he was being forced to be on a date with the ex-boyfriend of the girl he was seeing and his annoying co-worker. She felt terrible for him.
âOh, uh, well we live on the same floor.â
Laura nodded, clearly anticipating more. âIs that it?â
Y/N felt Adam tense up beside her and so she took over, easily spinning a lie. âI ran out of milk one night a few weeks ago. Heâs the only one who answered the door.â
She noticed a flash of movement in her peripheral and turned to find Harryâs gaze on her again, one eyebrow lifted curiously. He was either wondering how she hid it so well, or trying to figure out what to ask in order to reveal their ploy. He never said anything, though.
âSorry, um,â Lauraâs tone changed as she glanced between Harry and Y/N, both of them looking away when the other girl interrupted. âDo you two know each other?â
Harry grinned, sitting back against his seat and folding his hands in his lap. âSomething like that.â
Y/N rolled her eyes. âWe work together.â
âReally?â Although her tone said otherwise, Lauraâs face said everything about how she felt upon hearing that bit of information.Â
Adam twisted his worrisome gaze to Y/N, but she ignored it. Harry, however, did not.
âDonât worry, mate. I was under the impression she was celibate up until now.â With that, Y/N kicked him under the table and he sat forward to swallow the groan that very nearly left his lips after sheâd jabbed him in the shin with the toe of her heels. âGuess sheâs really good at hiding things, though.â
Adam just chuckled nervously and Y/N shot him an apologetic smile, trying to reassure him that this date would still work out despite Harry.Â
âWhat a small world.â Laura laughed, trying to break the tension but dinner hadnât even started yet.Â
Sometime during the main course, Laura excused herself to the bathroom and Y/N almost, in a desperate attempt to flee both Adam and Harry, invited herself along. But she figured itâd be worse to be alone with Laura than with them. Laura might ask questions she wasnât prepared for. So, she stayed put, as much as it pained her to do so.
âSo, Adam, what do you do for a living?â Harry asked suddenly and she wanted to kick him again. Mostly because his tone was that of a jealous teenager and heâd waited until Laura was gone to pester her ex-boyfriend who most certainly did not deserve Harryâs pestering.
âOh, uh, Iâm an artist. I work for an animation studio at the moment but Iâm trying to get into freelance.â
Harryâs eyes shot to the suspiciously quiet girl sitting across from him. âSo is Y/N.â
Adam turned to look at her, but she just glared at Harry. âOh, I didnât know that.â
Harry titled his head as he narrowed his attention in on Adam again. âSo youâve known her for a few weeks and you never asked what she did?â
âHarry.â Y/N warned, trying to kick him under the table again but he dodged out of the way.
âWell⌠she said she was in graphic design⌠not art.â She had told him that, during their crash course yesterday while they got to know as much as they could about each other in a span of a couple hours.
âI think itâs the same thing.â
Adam just shrugged. âI guess. I donât think I could be a designer, though. Most artists make what they think looks good, designers create things to appeal to customers.â
âJust ignore him.â Y/N advised and Harry was the one shooting her daggers and attempting to stomp his foot on top of hers under the table this time.
âYou and Laura used to date then? She never told me how you split up.â Harry moved on.
Adam swallowed nervously. âShe broke up with me.â
âWhy?â Harry pushed and Y/N looked at him like she wanted to kill him, which he ignored.
âI, uh⌠I had a drug problem for a while. I was not the best person to be around sometimes. But after we broke up, she helped me with rehab and everything.â
âGuess that explains why youâre on such good terms.â
Now Y/N really wanted to do more than just kick him.Â
Adam grabbed Y/Nâs hand under the table and pulled her straight from her violent thoughts about Harry. And he didnât lace his fingers between hers, instead, it felt as if he had just been looking for something to ground himself with. And her hand resting on her lap was the closest thing he could find. It didnât, however, go unnoticed by Harry and his jaw clenched as he stared at the point in the table where, just below, there their hands met almost as if he was trying to set everything on fire.
Laura returned shortly after that.Â
As promised, Adam paid the entirety of both his and Y/Nâs bill, even though she attempted to snag it from him, seeing as the date had gone to shit and it was all her fault. Well⌠maybe it was also Harryâs fault a little bit too. But she definitely did nothing to make Laura jealous. Adam, on the other hand, did a great job at making Harry jealous just by existing and being Lauraâs ex, whom she was still friends with.Â
The four of them stood outside on the curb awaiting their Uber after dinner was over, agreeing upon splitting one car to get to the party instead of taking two. Laura was apparently very cautious about fossil fuel consumption.
Y/N shivered as she stood between Adam and Laura, wishing sheâd bright a jacket instead of relying on a long-sleeve dress to keep her warm. Then an arm wrapped around her shoulders and Adam pulled her close, running his hand up and down her arm to form heat. She tensed up, though, forming into an immovable brick. She had no idea the last time sheâd been that close to another person, let alone a member of the opposite sex. When he felt her go rigid, he leaned down until his lips were at her ear. âIs this okay?â
She just nodded and tried to relax. Which turned out to be quite easy because Adam was warm and he smelled nice. She, of course, didnât let her mind wander off too far. He was still in love with his ex. Heâd still shove cash into her hand at the end of the night for her troubles and go on with his life.
Adam let go of her when the car pulled up and quickly went to the passenger door to confirm with the driver. Then he opened the back door for the three of them to climb in, Laura going first, then Harry, and, at last, Y/N, while Adam slipped into the front seat beside the driver.
While the car took off, Y/N was shoved into the corner when Harry moved closer to her in order to find both his and Lauraâs seat buckles in the dark. Eventually, he settled back into the middle and gave her some space again. When she made no move to do the same as them, Harry turned to look down at her.Â
âPut your seatbelt on.â He whispered.
Her eyes whirled up to his. Wordlessly, and of course after rolling her eyes, she grabbed her seatbelt and he made room for her to buckle it in. Then she sat back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest while she stared out at the traffic through her window.
She would have stayed in that exact position the entire trip, too, if Harryâs knee didnât insist on bumping into hers constantly. And she couldnât tell if he was doing it on purpose or not.
When she glanced up at him, and found the corner of his lips curl upward, she figured it was, in fact, purposeful. So, with the hand closest to him as her arms were still crossed, she poked him in the side, right against his ribs, hoping it hurt.
âOuch.â He whined, covering the spot with his hand dramatically. Everyone in the car glanced at Harry, all except for Y/N who snickered as she returned to staring out the window.
Harry wasnât giving up, though. This time, with his arms crossed in his lap, and glancing at Laura to be sure she wasnât watching, he walked his pointer and middle finger up the outside of Y/Nâs thigh, close enough to her hip to make her squirm slightly when his touch tickled her. And as soon as he got her attention, he looked down at what he was doing and pressed his middle finger against her, meeting her gaze with a smirk.
In the same moment, the driver turned up the music in the car as they waited tirelessly at a red light. It was better than silence or listening to his passengers breathing. But Harry mentally thanked him and turned his attention back to Y/N, leaning into her slightly until his lips were at her ear and she shivered for an all new reason.
âI donât think Iâve ever seen you in a dress before.â He whispered for her ears only. The music was especially loud in the back and he wasnât sure Y/N had even heard him.
Especially since she didnât respond right away. But how could she? Harryâs fingertips were still grazing her thigh, as if trying to emphasize the dress she had on. And his stupid knee was pressed right up against hers. She couldnât think straight.
Though when she finally turned to him and whispered back, âDonât get used to it,â he knew she had, in fact, heard him well enough.Â
He leaned again, âAfraid I already am.âÂ
She hated that there were butterflies in her stomach. That he was saying such odd things to her when his date was sitting just on the other side of him. The date who most definitely met all Harryâs standards.
Huddling away from him, she stuck her eyes out the window and kept them there the rest of the trip.
It was just past eight when they arrived, a fifteen-minute trip up through the city taking half an hour due to all the Valentineâs Day traffic. Another reason she hated this holiday.
The party was being held by Lauraâs best friend, whoâs name Y/N did not care to commit to memory. In the elevator ride up to the penthouse, though, Harry stood close to Laura, his arm wrapped around her waist and Adam to Y/N, although he didnât touch her. She wouldnât have minded if he did, but she figured it was best to keep those boundaries in place anyway.
Pink and golden balloons littered the ceilings of the penthouse. The drink cups were also pink, as was the communal punch bowl that Y/N steered clear of, having no idea what was in it, or who had already spiked it. She knew nobody at the party besides who sheâd come with, though she assumed both Adam and Harry were somewhat acquainted with Lauraâs friends.Â
It was most definitely not someplace Y/N ever saw herself being at, not only because it was a Valentineâs themed party, but also because she wasnât exactly comfortable around so many people. Especially when those people were all so unfamiliar to her.
âHere,â Adam handed her a drink and then grabbed one for himself. She downed the thing in one go, needing to take the edge off. It mightâve been a slight mistake when the alcohol burned the back of her throat, but she didnât care too much when she grabbed another.
Then he was leading her into the dancing pit of bodies where they huddled close enough so that his lips were at her ear. âIs it alright if I touch you?â
She glanced over at where Laura and Harry had been left, finding both her hazel eyes and Harryâs green ones glued to the both of them. She wasnât sure what Harryâs deal was, but this was her moment to fix things and make Laura jealous, so, turning back to Adam, she nodded.
He eased his hands onto her waist as they began swaying to the music. And then he pulled her closer, his hands slipping to the small of her back as her arms wrapped around his neck, being careful with her own movements even though she desperately wanted to sink her hands in his hair.
And, god, he smelled so good as her head rested in the crook of his neck. And he felt good, too, as he moved against her body. She knew it wasnât real, and that the alcohol was making skewing her perception of things, but it was still nice. Nice to be held and to just let go for a change.
Over Adamâs shoulder, Y/N caught Harryâs eyes again. His jaw clenched and he looked the same as he did back at the restaurant. Angry. And then she realized that maybe she wasnât really trying to make Laura jealous anymore at all, but rather Harry.
It was dumb, she knew that. Heâd have to like her in order for her to make him jealous. But⌠the way he was looking at her. The way he had looked at her. His eyes lingering too long on her lips. What heâd done in the car ride here.Â
She heard Adam in her ear again. âI think itâs working. She just stormed off into the kitchen.â Then he pulled away and she realized she hadnât even seen Laura. Just Harry. Harry and his stupid, obnoxious green eyes.
âYou owe me more than just dinner.â Y/N teased but Adam grew serious.
âI know. And since you refuse to accept my money, Iâll have to figure out another way to repay you.â He smiled and then twirled her around so that she no longer had any line of sight toward Harry. He pulled her close again, one hand going to her waist while the other stayed locked to one of hers. âSuppose I could start with making your coworker just as jealous⌠although I think he already is.â
Confusion flooded her features as she peered up at him.Â
âOh, come on! He was ready to rip my head off when he realized Iâd grabbed your hand. And when I put my arm around you? I thought I might be better off just giving you my jacket and freezing to death instead.â
âI donâtâŚâ she shook her head in disbelief. It was one thing for her to be pretending to make Harry jealous in some delusional hope that itâd work. But this⌠this was a whole other thing.
âIâm actually quite interested to see what he does if I kissed you.â
She was shocked at first and then, possibly due to the alcohol, just as interested. âAre you asking my permission?â
âAre you saying yes?â
Y/N hesitated. âIs she back?â
Adamâs eyes scanned the room and Y/N realized he hadnât asked to kiss her for Lauraâs sake at all.
âShe is.â He finally announced.Â
Without any more second guessing, Y/Nâs hand slipped to the back of his neck and pulled him in. As soon as their lips collided and she tasted the alcohol on him, she knew that sheâd never agreed to this without it. Or maybe she would. Adam spun them back around again, deepening the kiss as her eyes opened and fell into the direction sheâd last seen Harry.
He was still there.
Still watching.
His hands in fists. His jaw tightened into a crisp line. His nostrils flared. His eyes⌠sad.
She pulled away. Adam steadied her, grabbing her shoulders when she swayed. But, as she caught her breath, the dizziness went away.Â
âIâm going to find the bathroom.â She told him and after he nodded, she left, forming a rift for herself through the bodies that danced all around them until she was in the clear. Then she was avoiding Harry as she walked past him, not so sure his gaze was still set on her. Maybe sheâd gone too far. She didnât often just kiss people for no good reason and thatâs exactly what sheâd just done with Adam. She barely even knew him.
She didnât exactly need the bathroom, just an open, empty and quiet place. And so, she fell back against a wall in the foyer and ran a hand through her hair.
âThat was quite the show.â
She startled at the sound of his familiar voice and looked up just as he stopped a few feet away from her. âWhat are you talking about?â
He lifted a brow. âYou expect me to believe that that you, anti everything to do with this holiday and with relationships and romance, are actually dating that guy?â
âIs it that hard to believe?â She crossed her arms, willing to go as far as she needed to before she let Harry see the truth. That she was that pathetic.Â
âYes.â He didnât even hesitate to respond and she flinched.
âWell, Iâm sorry that you have a hard time believing that someone may actually like me.â She had no reason to nearly be shouting at him and no reason to be saying what she was because Adam didnât like her.
âThatâs not what I said. Itâs hard for me to believe you just dropped all your ideas about relationships for some guy with obnoxious blue eyes.â
âI didnât.â
âSo then what is this?â
Y/N hesitated. Hating that the truth was about to boil over out of her mouth for him to see all the embarrassing bits of it, but she had no other way of convincing him. And it didnât really help that Adam was so far out of her league that it wasnât even convincing to begin with. Nor did she want to convince Harry of anything either. It was clear now that he hadnât been jealous, he was just trying to figure out when she stopped hating relationships so much.
And the truth of that was she never really hated them. It was just easier telling herself she didnât want it than admitting no one ever actually wanted her.
She trembled, not even sure why, but he was making her incredibly nervous, so much that she wished she could rewind and stay squished next to him in the back of the car forever. Being that close to him... his stupid fingers on her thigh, whispering things in her ear that made her head spin. Sheâd much prefer that than standing in front of him now, seeing every ounce of judgment he was about to throw her way.
âWhat do you want me to say, Harry?â She shrugged and dropped her eyes to the white marble floors between them, focusing on calming her anxiety while she was no longer looking at him. âHe needed a date and I felt bad for him.â
âWhat does that mean?â
Letting her head fall back against the wall, she stared up at the ceiling this time as her eyes burned with embarrassment. âHe paid me to be his date so his ex-girlfriend didnât find out he wasnât actually seeing anyone. Thatâs what it means.â
Harry didnât say anything.
âSo, yeah.â She folded her arms, looking down at the floor again, still unable to meet Harryâs eyes and see the look that would be on his face. A smirk of amusement at her expense. Even probably his dimples, taunting her and turning her into the joke she already was. âYou were right. I canât find anyone to tolerate me, which is why Iâm on this stupid date that isnât even real.â
âHim kissing you seemed quite real to me.â
There was more exasperation than humor to her laugh. âIt wasnât.â
Harry seemed to finally understand. âHeâs trying to make Laura jealous.â
Y/N just nodded. âI promise I didnât know you were going to be there, that he was trying to get her back from you.â
âYou still kissed him though.â
She couldnât argue that, nor could she tell him the real reason sheâd agreed to the kiss. That it wasnât exactly Laura she was trying to make jealous. Sheâd never live that one down, if she ever managed to live any other aspect of this night down.
When she didnât say anything, he stepped closer. âWhy did you kiss him?â
âIâm sorry, Harry I just... I donât know.â
He shook his head and took another step, making her eyes widen when he was close enough that she had to crane her head back to meet his gaze. âSeemed like you were trying to make me jealous.â
She swallowed, not exactly in the position to laugh it off and argue with him when he was this close and all she could feel were the traces of his fingertips on her thigh. Her voice was quiet when it finally came out. âMaking you jealous would mean I assumed you liked me in the first place... which Iâm definitely not stupid enough to assume.â
A crease formed between his brow and his stupidly perfect jaw hardened as if he was biting his tongue from saying something. And fuck him for choosing then to finally stop opening his mouth.
Just then, a pair of drunk guys, one on the otherâs back, came racing through the foyer, screaming at the top of their lungs while a few others followed quickly after them. It was enough to force Harry away from Y/N again, enough for the both of them to step out of the little bubble theyâd been in together the past ten minutes.
Once they were alone again, their eyes gravitated toward each other and just when she thought Harry might say something after all, he flipped around on his heel and left. And she watched as he turned the corner and mixed back into the party.
After a few moments to gather herself, she followed him, not exactly sure what she was going to do now that Harry wouldnât talk to her and it felt weird being with Adam while Harry knew everything. But, whatever plans to keep herself occupied no longer matted when she spotted Laura.
Making out with Adam in the middle of the room.Â
Without even thinking, she turned to locate Harry and he might as well have been a source of gravity because her eyes fell right to him within a second. And he was watching them too. He knew.Â
He met Y/Nâs eyes and she wasnât quite sure if he was upset or not. She couldnât really read anything on his face, and stopped attempting to when he moved towards her and she had other things on her mind, like where he was going and if he was going to bother taking her with him.
Shortly after he stormed past Y/N she made sure he wasnât going to leave her behind and chased after him. She didnât know Adam very well and definitely not Laura to want to stay with them. And everyone else in the room were complete strangers to her. Adam had promised heâd take her home, but he probably hadnât expected to be making out with his ex by the end of the night, either.
Harry didnât say anything, not even when theyâd reached the foyer and Y/N asked where he was going. He just located his jacket and slipped it on before making his way out the front door.
And right when she thought he really was going to leave her behind, since she was the reason heâd just lost Laura to her ex, he held the door open and glanced over his shoulder at her while she still stood on the other side of the threshold.
âAre you staying?â
Without a word, she sprung into motion and trailed right behind him into the hallway like a lost puppy, letting the door shut behind her that cut them off from the music as it faded into the background behind them.
It was a silent trip down the elevator, mostly because she had no idea what to say that would sound sincere and he didnât say anything at all. At least not until she followed him through the lobby until he stopped on the curb just outside the main doors.
She took up the spot next to him, eyes glued to the side of his face as he took in a deep breath of fresh air, or at least as fresh as traffic allowed it to be.
Then he spoke, and it seemed like the first time sheâd heard his voice all night. âIâm the one who gave you the chocolates and the frog.â
She narrowed her eyes, both not exactly sure why heâd just said that or if he was even being serious. âWhat?â
He looked down at her. âIt wasnât Andrew, it was me.â
âWhy?â She breathed and while she was positive sheâd be freezing cold soon, the fresh air after being surrounded by so many people felt good. It felt freeing and she wondered if he felt that way too.
His eyes scanned hers before he looked away. âWell partly to apologize for what I said.â
âWhatâs the other part?â
Sighing, he turned his entire body to face her now. âSomething else entirelyâŚâ He trailed off, only confusing her more as he stuffed his hands into his pockets and stared at his feet. âI didnât tell you because I know you donât like all this stuff, but seeing you with him tonight... I wish I had.âÂ
âItâs not that big of a deal. Itâs just a frog.â
He shook his head, grinning. âItâs not just a frog, Y/N... because the thing is,â he paused to catch his breath, âIâve been in love with you for... a really long time⌠since last spring. But with you being the way that you are, I never thought youâd feel the same way.â
She opened her mouth and then closed it.
âAnd then you come in with that guy and...â He pulled his fingers through his hair. âI donât think Iâve ever been more jealous in my life... because all this time I thought you werenât interested in relationships, but you just werenât interested in me.â
Inhaling, she summoned every ounce of courage she could fathom. âYou were right about why I kissed Adam.â He lifted a brow, waiting for her elaboration which never came. âYou were right about other things, too. I wish I had someone to come home to almost every single night I got to bed alone. No oneââ She cut herself off, trembling again as tears stung her eyes. âI pretend not to be interested so I can ignore the fact that no oneâs ever wanted me.â
âThatâs not true.â He had that same look on his face as before, when sheâd told him she wasnât stupid enough to think he liked her.
She just nodded. âAnd Iâm sorry but... why would you want me when you could have someone like Laura?â
âY/N...â He huffed and stepped closer to her, the heat from his body making her shiver. âThis is not the first time I started seeing someone to get over you... in fact, all my relationships since I met you have been shit.â
âWhy didnât you just tell me?â
âWell youâre very anti-relationships so I think I was justified in wanting to avoid you rejecting me⌠especially since we work together and it would have been really awkward.â
âI donât, uh... I...â She stammered, not really sure what to say to him even though her heart was screaming at her in full volume.Â
He held his breath and then, in almost a whisper, âIs this the inevitable rejection?â
âNo.â She didnât even hesitate that time and at this point, her mind no longer controlled the words coming out of her mouth as she let another organ finally speak for itself. âNo, I liked you the second I saw you, Harry... and at no point tonight was I ever trying to make Laura jealous.â
The corners of his mouth began to curl into a smile. âThat was very cruel of you to do to me.â
âI didnât think you liked me at all twenty minutes ago, Harry.â
âTwenty minutes ago,â he fully invaded all of her space now, leaving the smallest gap between their bodies as he could get away with, lifting his hand to her jaw and rubbing his thumb over her cheek. âI was still on this date with the wrong person.âÂ
âI think the date is over now.â
âNo,â his eyes fell to her lips just like they had before. âItâs not.âÂ
âYouâre looking at me like that again.â She mumbled, out of breath.
He lifted a brow and didnât once remove his eyes from her lips. âLike what?â
âLikeâŚâ she trailed off, not having the courage to say it in case she wasnât right.Â
âLike Iâve wanted to kiss you for a very long time and Iâm tired of pretending?âÂ
âSomething like that, yeah.â
He grinned, both of his dimples making an appearance just before he leaned in and brushed his lips against hers. And once her brain realized what was happening, she sunk right into him, letting his arm wrap around her waist as his other hand tangled its way into her hair to bring her closer. She threw her arms over his shoulders and he hunched lower to meet her. She staggered back a step when he did, nearly losing her balance but he caught her instantly and then drew his lips back as he laughed.
âThis is not how I expected tonight to end.â She couldnât help but think the way he struggled to catch his breath was possibly the hottest heâd ever been. Not to mention the tiny bit of her lipstick smeared on his face. She could look at him just the way he was right there and then for days and be perfectly satisfied.
âIt doesnât have to end yet.â She fully blamed her sudden burst of confidence on the cold, but refreshing February night. And maybe she also just wanted to get out of it before it caught up to her and she would, yet again, regret not having a jacket.
âOh?â She wanted to smack the mischievous smirk off his face and leave him there on the curb. âAnd here I thought you were a prude.â
âYou thought a lot of things about me that werenât true, Harry.â
He thought about that for a moment and after realizing she was right, he then wondered just how wrong he was when heâd called her celibate. âI suppose⌠Iâd quite like to find out just how wrong I was.â He slipped a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear, which is where his lips ended up as he whispered softly, âAnd Iâd also quite like to show you just how wrong you were about me not liking you.â
They stumbled into her bedroom in the dark, Pretzel racing out between their twisted feet in a hurry, screeching at them in the process. Harry giggled against her lips, âYour cat sounds friendly.âÂ
âWell, since I was supposed to be spending tonight with her, and chocolate, and anti-romantic moviesâŚâ She pulled away from him, watching as his smile spread further. Maybe she could actually believe heâd been in love all this time.Â
âRight⌠Iâd be upset too.âÂ
She shook her head and kissed him again, then pulled back a second later. âYou know thatâs not actually what I do on Valentineâs Day.â
He lifted a brow and waited for her to explain but she didnât.
âAnd what is it that you do, then?â He finally asked, curiosity getting the best of him, although he had some inkling as to what she was talking about.
Her smile was devoid of innocence as her hands fell to his belt. Harryâs shirt had already been lost to the kitchen floor. Her dress hardly covering what it was supposed to once Harry had gotten his hands on it.Â
âMaybe youâll get to find out.âÂ
When she brought her lips back to his, after undoing the buckle just under his navel, he spun them around and led her backwards to the bed. He wasnât sure how far it was, but hoped he was headed in the right direction. And because of that, when her knees did finally bend over the mattress, he practically came flying down on top of her.Â
She squirmed out from under him, crawling back towards the pillows as she watched him at the end of the bed while he stood and removed his belt completely, trying not to drool at the sight of him. At the sight of Harry, her fucking annoying ass, perfect, beautiful, coworker standing shirtless at the end of her bed where he was also about to beâŚ
He pushed his trousers down off his hips and they fell to the floor with ease, almost with the same amount of ease that her eyes fell to the tight boxer-briefs he wore underneath. She swallowed as he adjusted the waistband back into place, quite certain that, even in the low light, her eyes were not deceiving her.
The bed shifted at her feet as he joined her, and then it took all her willpower to not fling herself at him as he crawled up the length of her. As he settled himself between her thighs and she felt every last, very hard, inch of him pressed against her. She couldnât be blamed for the whining moan that she let out in his ear as his lips became familiar with the shape and taste of her neck. She also couldnât be blamed when her hips instinctively collided with his.
He just giggled again and shook his head, the loose strands of his curls tickling her forehead. âEasy now.â He warned in a hushed mumble, his lips vibrating right against the vein in her neck that pulsed so much faster the more his free hand began to wander up underneath her dress.
He left her speechless for multiple reasons, but the main one was when she felt his fingers tracing down her thigh and then, moments later, after he shifted his weight and used his knees to keep her legs open, she sucked in a breath of air as she felt him pressed against her clit, forcing her nails to dig into his back but he didnât seem to mind.
Coming back down to kiss her, he began moving his hand in expert little circles, grinning against her mouth every time her body begged him for more. It wasnât long that he complied, either, when he sat back on his knees between her legs and tugged her underwear off for good, throwing it to the depths of her bedroom floor. He wouldnât have known where they landed even if he tried because his gaze belong to her only as he lowered himself to his elbows before her, kissing his way up her thighs until he reached her center.
When she squirmed away from him, he wrapped his arms around her thighs and pressed his hands into her hips after gently moving her dress out of the way.Â
âYou know when we used to stay late at the office working?â He asked suddenly and the heat of his voice against her made her squirm again, but he held on tight. âAnd you would get sick of sitting in an office chair and made me promise not to tell Jim when you sat on his desk instead?â She had no clue where he was going with it, but still, she nodded. âEvery single time I turned to look at you, I thought about doing this.â Before she could get words out or even a coherent thought, she felt his tongue on her. And this time when she jerked against him, she nearly slipped out of his hold until he grabbed her again and pulled her back down, digging himself further into her as she struggled to breathe properly.
She dug her fingers into his hair when he brought her close to the edge and showed no mercy. And somehow, sheâd managed to get the sole of her foot up onto his shoulder in order to kick him away, but it didnât matter much because he never budged. Not that she wanted him to, but he just felt so goodâŚÂ
âHarry!â She shouted, pulling at his hair and making matters worse for herself when he moaned against her sensitive bundle of nerves. He let her come, never once lifting his mouth from her even as her hips jerked off the mattress and she very nearly pulled his hair out. When she stopped screaming, her voice caught in her throat because she was lost to her own orgasm, is when he lifted his mouth, replaced it with his fingers and watched her as she came down. As her eyes fluttered shut and her chest heaved, her lungs struggling to get oxygen back into her system. Her hold on him loosened as she came undone around him, melting into his hands it seemed like.
And when he began rubbing his index and middle finger into her, once she was far and beyond overstimulated, and he knew that, she reached down with a whine and grabbed his wrist with what little strength she had in her and pulled him away. His hand fell to the other side of her hip, which he used to his advantage to pull himself up over her again, his other hand taking her dress with it until he was able to tug it over her head and toss it. Then he came back down to kiss her, letting her taste herself on her lips. He rubbed his thumb across her cheek and when he pulled away, found her looking at him finally. Although it was with heavy lids as she still struggled to regain her bearings.
Before they could get much further, a loud crashing sound from the other room made both of them nearly jump out of their skin. She shot up instantly, grabbing hold of Harryâs bicep before moving him out of the way and sliding off the edge of the bed.Â
âItâs just the cat.â Harry would have probably said the same thing even if it was not just the cat, heâd say anything just to get her to stay with him.
âI know but it sounded likeâŚâ her voice trailed off as her feet hit the floor and the moment she went to stand on her own two legs, her knees buckled. He reached to grab her waist but she righted herself before he could. She didnât see the way he hid his cheeky smirk at the fact that heâd been so good, she was still dizzy.
âYou good?â He asked as she stumbled her way into a shirt. With only a groan in response, and what he was sure was her middle finger, she left him alone in her bed to investigate the noise. Sighing, he laid on his back and got comfortable amongst her pillows. And after about three minutes, decided to locate the remote to her TV to entertain himself.Â
He flipped onto his side and felt around her bedside table, but his fingers never landed on anything remote-like. So, frustrated, he reached up and switched the lamp on. Again, he found nothing. Looking further, he realized the table had a drawer and so he pulled it open in hopes of finding the damned remote before she got back.Â
But what he found instead was so much better than turning on late night news.
âFucking cat knocked over my vase.â Y/N was back within ten minutes. Harry had left the light on, but made sure it wasnât obvious heâd gone snooping into her drawer, at least not yet anyway. She crawled back into bed beside him and it was then he noticed the bandage on her thumb.
âAre you alright?â He forgot all about what he planned to tease her with when he gently grabbed her hand to inspect the damage.
âYeah. I was in a bit of hurry trying to clean up the glassâŚâÂ
Harry rolled his eyes and dropped her hand. âI would have come help you.â
She just smiled up at him as he fit his arm around her shoulders, his bicep under her neck. âThatâs alright.â
He shrugged. âIt was for the best anyways that I didnât.â When he smirked, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously at him.
âAnd whyâs that?â
She followed his other hand as he reached for something and then, moments later, it reappeared with a very familiar pink object clutched in his grasp. âBecause then I wouldnât have found this.â
Her first reaction was to pry it from his snooping fingers, but when she reached across him to grab it, he way too easily held her back and, at the same time, held it far out of her reach.Â
âSo this is what you do on Valentineâs Day, then?â He flicked his wrist back and forth, waving her vibrator in the air as he taunted her.
âIf you donât give that back to me,â she reached for it again to no prevail, âyou wonât be doing anything, least of all, me.â
He clicked his tongue. âWhy would I give it back when I plan on using it?â
She froze and he chuckled at her reaction.
âWould be rude of me to break your traditions, wouldnât it?âÂ
She swallowed, her eyes slowly meeting his again. The appearance of his right dimple told her he wasnât playing any games. She had no idea how many times he planned to make her come tonight or whether or not sheâd even be able to walk tomorrow at work. But, given the stupid look on his face, she almost began making plans to call out sick instead.
âDo you actually know how to use that thing?â She finally asked, glancing at the wand still held very firmly in his hand.
He looked at her like she was crazy moments before he pivoted and pinned her onto her back, settling himself into the position theyâd been in before the interruption of the cat.Â
Just, this time⌠he was clicking on her vibrator and watching her face as she began to regret her words.Â
ââCourse I know how to use it. The real question is,â he brought his lips to her ear, the soft vibrations and the sound of his voice mixing together like sin itself. Even more so when he nipped at her earlobe. âDo you know how to handle it?â
#1dffvalentine#harry styles fic#harry styles smut#harry styles x reader#harry styles writing#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine
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Perspective From Another Timeline
Thanks to my betas @steelblaidd and Izzybusy!
I ADORE @buggachat new Bakery Enemies AU. This idea just kept on swirling through my head, I had to write it! This is set between parts 13 and 14, so after Adrien meets Alya and Nino but before Marinette starts sympathizing with him. AO3
---------
âYou okay?â
Alya shook her head, trying to clear it. âIâll be fine. Iâve weathered worse than that - we both have.â
Nino grinned at her. âTrue that.â
Alya smiled at him fondly, remembering Heroes Day. It was a bittersweet memory, with her having been turned against Nino and them both being akumatized.Â
But they had fought to protect each other as best they could. Sheâd seen Prime Queenâs footage, how Carapace had struggled to get her to fight against Dark Cupidâs magic, how heâd only given into despair after sheâd given into akumatization.Â
âWhat did that blast do to us?â Nino wondered. âEveryone else the akuma blasted just disappeared. Whyâre we still here?â
Alyaâs brow furrowed. âI dunno⌠hold on, let me check to see whether any new info on the akumaâs been uploaded.â
Pulling out her phone, she tapped on the Akuma News Alert app.
An error message popped up, telling her that she had no internet connection.
Puzzled, Alya checked her phoneâs other settings.Â
No wifi - no wifi even recognized, much less connectable - no cell service, no connection to the outside world at all.
She glanced over at Nino. âHey, you got any signal?â
Taking out his own phone, he quickly checked his connection. He shook his head. âNot a single bar.â
Frowning, Alya looked around. âMaybe all the cell towers were taken out?â
Everything looked intact though, no sign of any destruction at all.
Something else caught Alyaâs eye. âHey Nino, what time should it be?â
Nino blinked. âWell I mean lunch just started so it should be a little past noon-â
He glanced around, noticing the long shadows and the pinkish-orange of the evening sky.
â-which it clearly is not anymore,â he concluded.
Great. âGuess Ladybug and Chat Noir mustâve taken a while to defeat the akuma,â she said, putting her phone away. âHopefully my parents arenât too worried. They like me to text them just after an akuma attack, but right nowâŚ?â she gestured to her pocket.
âMy folks arenât as worried,â Nino said. âBut they still expect me back home before the sun goes down. Theyâll be getting nervous soon.â
Alya let out a small sigh. âSo much for playing Super Penguino together.â
âHmmmâŚâ Ninoâs eyes gleamed. âYou know⌠itâs not night just yet. And Iâm sure my parents would understand if I was a few minutes late because I grabbed a bite to eat.â
Grabbed a bite to eat? What was Nino hinting at�
Alya looked around at their location more closely.
Wait⌠that blast seemed to have carried them to that one park, the one near-
Alya grinned. âI think my parents will forgive me for not calling in if I bring them fresh-baked treats from the best bakery in Paris.â
---
*ring ring*
The scent of freshly baked bread wafted through the store.Â
Instantly Alya felt her shoulders loosen up, releasing tension she didnât even know sheâd had. There was just something so warm and comforting about the bakery.
Of course, a lot of that was due to the people running it. Good luck finding more friendly, caring people than Marinetteâs parents. Sabine often checked up on anyone who seemed to be struggling or upset (and ready to protect them if they were - Alya had seen the video of the time a TV crew decided to invade Marinetteâs privacy), and Tom was basically a giant teddy bear in human form.
But neither of them were manning the counter today.
Instead a young woman stared back at them.
A very familiar-looking young woman.Â
âMarinette?â Alya asked cautiously.
The woman stared at her for a minute. âAlya?â she finally asked. âWhat happened to you?â She paled. âDid a new supervillain attack? Is that why you and Nino are younger?â
Huh. Weirdly scared reaction from Marinette. Theyâd all gotten used to supervillains by now. Sheâd expect an older Marinette to take them in stride even more than the current Marinette.
Hm⌠an older Marinette, a different time of day, and Marinette not seeming to know about the latest akuma attack?Â
âMarinette⌠what year is it?âÂ
Marinette blinked for a moment. Her eyes widened.
Seemed Marinette understood what she was getting at.
She told Alya the date.
Her hunch was right. âWeâre in the future,â Alya breathed.
A wicked grin slowly spread over her face.Â
Five years was a long time. A lot of things could have happened. A lot of information couldâve come to light.
Like Hawkmothâs identity.
Or more information on the Miraculous.
But most importantly right now-
She leaned in close to Marinette, making sure to keep her voice down, just in case someone else was around in the back. âSo did you ever get together with a certain blond-haired, green-eyed model?â
âUh⌠what?â Marinette asked, looking puzzled.
Alya snapped her fingers. âAdrien. Did you and Adrien finally get together? Ooooh, if you did youâve GOTTA tell me how the confession went! Or, no, wait, donât tell me, I want to get the deets at the time. Just let me know how long Iâve got to wait, girl!â
Marinette just stared at her, slack-jawed. âAdrien⌠like ADRIEN AGRESTE?!â she said, her volume rising with every word.
Alyaâs eyebrows flew up. âUm⌠yesâŚ?â
Sheâd thought that Marinette would be glowing about finally getting together with her crush, or dejected about still not being able to spit out what she wanted to say to him, downcast over him rejecting her, or maybe even infuriated because he mistreated her and they subsequently broke up.
(The last one was VERY unlikely though. After the Felix debacle, sheâd learned to have a bit more faith in Adrienâs good nature.)
Shock at the concept of dating him? Not something sheâd anticipated.
Footsteps echoed from behind Marinette.
So one of Marinetteâs parents mustâve been in the back-
Adrien popped his head around the corner.
Seemed both he AND Marinette had aged well.Â
Not that Adrien looked all that different. Taller, definitely, maybe with slightly messier hair and⌠were those earrings? They looked good on him.
âHey dude!â Nino waved at his best friend. âWhatâs up?â
âUhâŚâ Adrien said, scratching the back of his neck.
âWOW those outfits really take the years off, huh?â Marinette said loudly, shoving them out the door. âMake you look smaller than usual. Well we better go talk about plans later okaybye-â
She promptly slammed the door behind them, physically pushing them away from the bakery.
After Marinette had dragged them a good distance away, Alya finally got over her shock, turning around and glaring at her. âWhat was that about?!â she asked Marinette indignantly, hands on her hips. âYou know me, I wasnât going to spill anything to him. Thatâs why I was talking so quietly! Whyâd you have to do that?!â
Nino frowned, seeming more concerned than annoyed. âAdrien looked really hurt by that. Not cool.â
âThereâs nothing to spill!â Marinette protested, gesticulating wildly. âI only met him for the first time two days ago!â
*record scratch*
Two-
Two DAYS ago?!
Ok, hold up.
âAdrien joined our collège class the day after I did! He sits in front of you in class! Whatâre you TALKING about?!â
âUh⌠noâŚ?â Marinette tilted her head to the side, befuddled. âI think I would remember that, even if it was a few years back.âÂ
Alya let out a bark of laughter. âYeah, no kidding. He would be uh, difficult for you to forget. Heck, even if your memory was erased, youâve got so much stuff revolving around him, I couldnât see that lasting long.â
Marinette blushed. âWhy do you think I have a crush on him?! Heâs HAWKMOTHâS SON!â
âWHAT?!â Alya and Nino yelled in unison.
âLadybug and Chat Noir defeated Hawkmoth a couple years ago,â Marinette explained, pulling out her phone.
A moment later she held it up, showing a blog post from the Ladyblog.
Oooh, thatâs a nice graphical design. Iâll have to look into updating my site, Alya thought.
Turning her attention to the picture, she squinted. âHey, can you enlarge the photo?â She asked.
Marinette complied, enlarging it and turning her phone sideways, letting it fill the entire screen.Â
Gabriel Agreste being led away in handcuffs by the police, with Ladybug and Chat Noir in the background. Ladybug looked satisfied, with maybe a twinge of melancholy, but Chat NoirâŚ
He stared vacantly ahead, seemingly not focused on anyone or anything, a smile on his face - but the most forced one sheâd ever seen.
âWhatâs wrong with Chat Noir?âÂ
Marinette frowned, looking troubled. âI donât know. He seemed really, really upset when Hawkmoth was defeated. It was a tough battle, bad enough that neither of them have returned since, but that doesnât explain why-â
She trailed off, lost in thought.Â
A moment later she looked up, meeting Alyaâs eyes.
Immediately she waved her hands around, trying to ward off⌠something. âI- I mean, thatâs what I read on the Ladyblog and what I could piece together from video footage, itâs not like I was there, NOPE. I was huddled in my room the entire time. Not like I have any insight into what Chat Noir was acting like during the battle, not beyond what any other civilian would know! That would be ridiculous, utterly ridiculous!â she let out a few forced guffaws.
Alyaâs eyebrows flew up.
O...Kay�
Maybe Marinette had been following Ladybug and Chat Noir during the final battle and hadnât wanted anyone to know? Sheâd wondered whether Marinette might have a thing for Chat Noir, but her crush on Adrien dwarfed any feelings she might have had for him. Plus itâs not like Marinette would actually know Chat Noir, unlike Adrien.
Thinking about AdrienâŚ
âHe mustâve been devastated,â she murmured. Marinette looked at her questioningly. âAdrien, I mean,â Alya clarified. âHaving your father turn out to be a terrorist? I canât even imagine.â
Marinette buried her face in her hands. âNot you TOO,â she said, her voice muffled.
Nino slowly started edging his way behind Marinette.
âWhatâs your problem with Adrien?â Alya asked. âDid he do something?â
Marinette glanced away. âNot⌠exactly⌠I just⌠Iâm afraid that it might all be an act. That he mightâve been helping Hawkmoth secretly, and⌠and even if he wasnât before, that he might just be biding his time, waiting until he figures out who Ladybug and Chat Noir and then BAM!â she slammed her fist down on her other hand. âHe takes them out, steals all the Miraculous, frees his father and rules Paris FOREVER!â
Alya reached out towards Marinette tentatively. She collapsed into Alyaâs arms.Â
Hugging her tightly, she sang a soft nonsense song, rubbing small circles in Marinetteâs back.Â
Sheâd done this a few other times since sheâd met Marinette, though sheâd never thought sheâd do it underneath these circumstances.
Whatever these circumstances actually were.
Did everyone have amnesia or�
âDo you have any big memory gaps?â Alya asked once Marinetteâs breathing had calmed down. âEspecially from five years ago?âÂ
Marinette shook her head.Â
Sheâd shelve that theory for now then. More likely it wasâŚ
âAn alternate timeline, huh?â Alya said.
Marinette looked up at her questioningly.
âThatâs what I think this is,â Alya explained. âI WAS thinking that maybe thereâd been some sort of mass amnesia, but if you donât have any memory gaps - and trust me girl, with how involved you were with Adrien, there WOULD be memory gaps - that seems unlikely. Iâm betting this is some sort of alternate universe, one where Adrien never got to go to school.â
âI still donât get why you think thereâs something between me and Adrien!â Marinette said. âI mean sure, heâs pretty, but did I really fall for him just for that?âÂ
Alya shook her head. âActually, you hated him at first. Chloeâd been bragging about how he was her friend, and with that on top of you catching him trying to remove the gum Chloeâd planted on your seat and mistaking it for him PLANTING the gum⌠well⌠both of us just assumed he was a spoiled rich bully, just like Chloe. Luckily that turned out not to be the case.â
âHowâd that misunderstanding get cleared up?â Marinette asked. âAnd how did your Marinette jump from that to crushing on him?â
Alya grinned. Marinette had ranted about this moment to her SO. MANY. TIMES.
âSchool let out later that day. It was raining and Marinette had forgotten her umbrella, so she hung back a moment, long enough for Adrien to approach her. At first she looked away from him, not wanting to acknowledge his greeting. But then he told you - told her I mean - that he hadnât done it, promised that heâd just been trying to take it off with such sincerity that she had no choice but to believe it. He opened up to her, even though sheâd been shunning him just moments ago. And finally he gave her his umbrella, just because he could. Because it was the kind thing to do. Sheâs been a goner ever since.â
The Marinette in her arms looked away. âI can see why she might have developed a crush on him. But I still dunno whether I trust him.â
âI donât know whether I have anything that could convince you on that,â Alya admitted, âespecially since this is probably a different timeline, and for all I know he could be evil here. Just make sure that youâre judging him on his own merits, okay? Not who heâs associated with. Not his fault he has so many crappy people in his life.â
âIâll⌠take it under consideration,â Marinette said reluctantly.Â
Marinette looked from side to side. âWhereâd Nino go?â
âOh, he snuck back into the bakery several minutes ago.â
âWHAT?!â
---
Nino opened the door to the bakery, letting out a small sigh of relief. He really wanted to check in on his best friend, and judging by Marinetteâs behavior, she wasnât exactly keen on him or Alya chatting with Adrien.
Thinking back on what heâd just heard, he frowned.Â
He wished he could say that heâd never have suspected that Gabriel was Hawkmoth.
That he didnât think Adrienâs old man could ever be capable of such evil.
But he knew better.
The guy threatened to withdraw Adrien from school and isolate him from everyone else at the drop of a hat, paid little attention to his son when he was at home, and was a very negative influence on his life in general. He might have been grieving, but⌠so was Adrien. He needed the only parent he had left.
And instead Gabriel had chosen to respond by becoming a supervillain and terrorizing Paris, endangering his own son in the process.
He really wished heâd gotten to hit Hawkmoth with his turtle shield more. At least he got to relish the smack he got in.
âYouâre back!âÂ
Nino looked towards the voice.
Adrien walked closer to him, a tentative grin on his face. âI didnât think youâd return so soon!â
âI had to come back to talk to my best friend,â Nino said.
âBest friend?â Adrien asked, blank-faced.
Oh, right. According to Marinette, Adrien hadnât joined their class. She hadnât even met Adrien until recently.Â
Had some sort of memory-wiping akuma attacked? Wouldnât have been the first time.Â
âDo you know who I am?â Nino asked, pointing at himself.
Adrien rubbed the back of his neck. âUh⌠well I know youâre friends with the Ladyblogger and Marinette, and⌠sorry, thatâs it.â
He looked really apologetic, like a dog whoâd ripped up a bunch of toilet paper and acted guilty about it once caught.
Hm. If it had been a memory-erasing akuma, maybe he could jog Adrienâs memoryâŚ?
And even if it wasnât, he wanted to let Adrien know that someplace, somewhere, people cared about him. If Marinetteâs reaction to him was any indication, heâd need that reassurance. Being looked at with suspicion, having people run from you just because of who your dad was, thinking that you mightâve been involved in his crimes⌠he couldnât imagine.
âYou joined our class the day after Hawkmoth first attacked,â Nino told him, pulling out his phone.
Adrien shook his head, looking confused. âUh⌠no? I wanted to, I REALLY wanted to go to school, but Father-â
He cut himself off, looking away.
âMarinette said the same thing,â Nino told him. âThat you hadnât enrolled in our class, that sheâd only met you recently. I don't know what thatâs about, whether everyoneâs memories were wiped, or an akuma messed with the past, or what.â
Come on, come on, where was it- ah!
He clicked on a photo, one taken a few months ago, holding his phone up so his friend could get a better look.
Adrien squinted for a moment. His eyes widened. âThatâs-!â
Nino nodded. âOur class photo. The official one, anyway.â He chuckled. âI liked our unofficial ones better.â Swiping to the side, he showed the new ones the class had taken at the park.Â
Adrienâs jaw dropped more with every new photo. He let out an involuntary bark of laughter at the one of himself, Nino, Kim, and Juleka posing. âI- I always wanted to mess around like that at photoshoots,â Adrien said. His voice trembled slightly. âBut I wouldnât be able to get away with it. And thatâs mostly fun when you can share it with friends, at least share the picture, and I- I couldnât. Chloe wouldnât have appreciated it, and L-â
He cut himself off, shaking his head.
âLuka?â Nino asked.Â
He didnât know why Adrien would know Luka and not anybody else, but he seemed the most likely option.
âUhâŚâ Adrien scratched the back of his neck, looking away.
Hm, heâd have to see if he had- ah!
âYou played in Kitty Section too, with Luka, Rose, Ivan, and Juleka.â Nino explained, clicking on the video.Â
Adrienâs hands shook as Nino handed him the phone, watching the mini-concert.
âI- I was allowed to- I got to-â Adrienâs voice quavered.Â
âNot at first.â Nino grimaced, remembering how bummed Adrien had sounded when he called him. âYour old man said that Agrestes were soloists, and that we were all bad influences.â
âHE was the bad influence,â Adrien said. A current of anger, of venom ran through his voice that Nino had never heard before.Â
âWell I already knew that, even before finding out he was Hawkmoth,â Nino said, making a face. âDude needed to chill out.â
Adrien snorted. âIf he had any âchillâ he wouldnât have decided that becoming a supervillain was the best way to heal my mother.â
Oh.
So THAT was why Gabriel had done it.
Heâd just thought it was standard âIâm an asshole and want to rule the world while being a jackass to everyone in my lifeâ behavior.
(He still wasnât going to rule out that being a factor.)
Nino put a hand on Adrienâs shoulder sympathetically. âAt least heâs gone now and youâre free, right?â
âRight,â Adrien said. He didnât meet Ninoâs eyes.
âNot you TOO,â Marinette had said, burying her face in her hands.
As if she found it exasperating that Alya sympathized with Adrien. As if she had expected differently.Â
Those worries sheâd voiced as Nino had been tiptoeing away, about Adrien helping Hawkmoth, about him lying in wait, biding his time⌠Marinette probably wasnât the only one to have that concern. And with Adrienâs face being as well-known as it was...
âYou ARENâT free, are you?â Nino asked, eyes wide.
Adrien sighed. âI was as surprised as everyone else when I found out who Hawkmoth was. That someone whoâs caused that much harm, that much trauma to this city, lived in my own house.â He clenched his fists, digging into his jeanâs fabric. âI could barely believe it⌠no⌠I didnât WANT to believe it.â
He took a deep breath, steadying himself. âI- I only remember snippets from right after his arrest. The police chief talking to me. Riding back to the station. Itâs all a blur. Everything felt like I was processing it underwater. It was all so blurry and muffled. Even- even then, though, I could feel everyoneâs accusing stares.â âI understand why, donât get me wrong,â he cut in hurriedly. âWho wouldnât be suspicious of the son of the terrorist whoâs been making everyoneâs life miserable for the past four years?â Adrien almost panted with exertion, his eyes wild. âAnd- and it was happening in my own house! Underneath my nose! I should have KNOWN! I couldâve stopped this!âÂ
Reaching out, Nino pulled his friend into a hug.Â
Adrien stiffened for a moment, before melting into his embrace.
âItâs his fault, not yours,â Nino murmured. âRemember that, dude. He was the adult. He was your parent. Your ONLY remaining parent. Iâve met the guy. And Iâve heard you talk about what heâs like. If you had investigated more?â Nino shuddered, thinking about the disproportionate punishments the bastard had enacted. âAnd knowing he was HAWKMOTH on top of that? Iâm kinda glad you didnât. Yeah, maybe you couldâve ended things sooner. Or maybe he wouldâve hurt you more before you had the chance. Iâm just glad you survived.â
âI-â Adrienâs throat sounded tight. âIâm- Iâm glad I survived too.â
They stood there for a moment, Nino feeling Adrienâs breath go in-and-out, his heartbeat racing, until it gradually started to slow.
*ring ring*
Adrien and Nino broke up their hug just as Marinette burst through the door, Alya on her heels. She skidded to a halt in front of Adrien - but not quite in time, sending her careening towards the floor.
She never made contact.
âWoah!â Adrien shouted, catching her in his arms.
Nino detected a hint of pink to Marinetteâs cheeks before she abruptly sprang to her feet.
âSo, uh,â Marinette said awkwardly. ��Iâm guessing Nino talked to you about some stuff. I mean, of course he talked to you about stuff, because thatâs what talking is about. What- what I mean is, what were you two talking about?â
âI wanted to show him how much we care about him,â Nino told her. âEspecially since with this⌠amnesia?â
âI think itâs an alternate timeline,â Alya said.Â
âEspecially since in this timeline,â Nino continued, âit really doesnât seem like he had anyone.â
âI had a couple other friends,â Adrien told him quietly, giving a melancholic smile. âBut I lost contact with them right after Hawkmothâs defeat.â
Noticing Ninoâs frown, he hastily added, âthey didnât abandon me or anything! They were online friends. One moved somewhere without internet reception, and the other... we never knew each otherâs names. But we talked all the time. We chatted, laughed, defeated villains togetherâŚâ
âIn the video games we played, of course!â he added after a moment. He chuckled fondly. âWe played as a team. Together, we were unstoppable, no matter what our opponent threw at us.â
Adrien swallowed. âBut in the aftermath of Hawkmothâs defeat, with all the turmoil, with everything that happened⌠I lost my means of contacting her. I- I donât know whether Iâll ever get to see her again.â
âWeâd promised to meet up after Hawkmothâs defeat,â Adrien said. His voice cracked. âThat- that once it was safer in Paris, weâd finally tell our names.â
His eyes dropped to the ground. âInstead, we lost each other. Maybe for good.â
âI know what thatâs like,â Marinette said. She sounded strangely distant. âI had a friend like that too. I cared about him. A lot. Maybe⌠maybe even as more than a friend.â She said the last part haltingly, as if sheâd only just admitted it to herself. âHe- he wanted to know who I was. For me to know who he was. But- but I couldnât do that. Not in Hawkmothâs Paris. I already cared for him so much it ached. If I was closer to him than that- if Iâd accepted his rose- Iâm- Iâm afraid Hawkmoth mightâve used the strength of those feelings against me. That I couldâve gotten akumatized, or he mightâve, and if we knew who each other was, knew WHERE the other one was⌠I just⌠I couldnât accept that we might be sent to hurt each other.â
âWe talked while the final battle was raging,â she continued. âHe seemed really upset, more angry than Iâve ever seen him before, but⌠also kind of sad. I wanted to know what was wrong, but there wasnât really time to press him. And after that battle he just⌠disappeared. I knew there was going to be some sort of disruption, but- but Iâd thought weâd have more time to talk beforehand, that weâd be able to exchange new contact information. We were cut off before we had the chance.â
âI- I think of him every day,â she said quietly. âWondering how heâs doing. He was always so positive, no matter what life threw at us. I hope that wherever he is, whatever heâs doing, he hasnât lost that positivity, that optimism, the ability to see the best in the world and in others.â
âIâm sure heâd be happy to know you cared for him so much,â Adrien said, giving her a warm smile.
Marinette blinked, giving herself a small shake. She turned to Alya. âI dunno whether youâll remember any of this after the Ladybug in your time restores anything, but on the off-chance you do, is there anything you need to know?â
âOh!â Alya pulled up some footage. âYou told me who Hawkmoth was, but what about Mayura?â
âMayura?âÂ
âWho?â
Alya snapped her fingers. âYou know, the Peacock Miraculous wielder, the one summoning the sentimonsters! Did she not exist in this universe?â
She pulled up part of the fight against Mayura, the sentimonster Ladybug, and Hawkmoth.
The video ended, she took another glance at Marinette and Adrien.
Marinette seemed to be in shock, staring straight ahead.
Adrien frowned, thinking. âIâd wondered for a long time how Father managed to hide his supervillain activities from Nathalie, considering she was around him most of the time. I thought maybe she was just really good at never asking questions.â
He grimaced. âLooking at that? Iâm betting she didnât ask questions because she already knew the answers.â
âYou think Mayuraâs Nathalie?â Alya questioned.
He nodded. âUnless somethingâs different in your universe. My father doesnât have a lot of associates, and the way he acted around Mayura there, how he was willing to pass up a chance to fight Ladybug for her Miraculous in exchange for catching her⌠the only people I can think of who heâd do that for are my mother and Nathalie, and momâŚâ he trailed off.
âI- I didnât even think about that,â Marinette said guiltily. âI remember reading something about Gabriel having a secretary, but I didnât think about her much beyond that.â
âMaybe you could ask this universeâs Alya to post something on the Ladyblog, telling Ladybug and Chat Noir she has a lead on who Mayura is?â Alya said. âI mean, I know they havenât shown up in ages, but maybe thatâs just because they havenât had reason to.â
Marinette winced. âI⌠really donât think thatâs it⌠plus Ladybug and Chat Noir never said that someone was helping Hawkmoth. Mayura never appeared, at least in public. I donât know what we can do about this right now, especially without proof. Maybe if Ladybug and Chat Noir appeared, butâŚâ
She sounded doubtful. Alya was beginning to think that the final battle was even worse than Marinette had alluded to.
She hesitated a moment, before turning to Adrien. âI- I think I owe you an apology. I thought you mightâve been helping Hawkmoth, but⌠well⌠I was just judging you by who your dad was. Youâve been nothing but sweet and kind.â
Adrien smiled at her, though it was slightly strained. âItâs fine. Iâm used to it. A lot of people in this city have suffered at Hawkmothâs hands. I donât blame them for being scared, or angry at any reminders of him.â
âThat doesnât make it RIGHT,â Marinette said heatedly.
Nino nodded. âDude just because somethingâs done to you it doesnât mean itâs justified, or that it shouldnât be made better. Like with your old man forbidding parties. I didnât let that stop me from bribing your bodyguard into letting me and the other guys throw a party at your place for you!â
He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. âIt kinda escalated though. I think half the guys at Paris were partying in your room by the end!â
Alya gave Nino a sideways look. âAnd ONLY the guys because they ditched us girls while we were planting trees with a lame excuse. Seriously if youâd said you wanted to throw a party for Adrien while his dad was away, you couldâve just told us!â
Nino winced. âYeah, my bad. At least we got to have fun there for a while before the akuma attack.â
âAkuma attack?â Adrien asked, eyes wide. âBut I thought you said Father was gone!â
âHe was- OOOOOOOH.â
âYeeaaaah I donât think he was actually gone,â Alya said. âYou threw a âsecretâ party in Hawkmothâs house, WHILE he was still at home.â
Adrien gaped at Nino. âHowâre you not DEAD?!â
Nino chuckled. âLucky I guess?â
*twinkle twinkle*
A familiar red mass flew towards Alya and Nino.
Adrienâs eyes widened.Â
âBehind the portrait!â he blurted out, just as the two of them were enveloped by the ladybugs, spiriting them off to whence they came.
It was silent for a moment.
âDo you think they heard?â Adrien asked Marinette.
âI hope so,â she said, looking off in the direction the ladybugs flew.
She turned to him. âI was planning on setting up some hang out time with Alya and Nino later this week. If youâre not busy⌠would you like to join?â
His smile told her everything she needed to know.
#bakery enemies au#ml fanfic#miraculous ladybug#adrien agreste#alya cesaire#nino lahiffe#marinette dupain cheng#buggachat
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