#I dk it haunts me still

[daminwayne]

It’s 2023 and I’m still upset about all the Tony Stark hate post CACW

[chimivx]

home;run -> fem!reader x mlb!mingyu, mlb!vernon, mlb!dk

College didn't work out, so you're stuck with the next best thing. Living with your superstar brother, traveling with his championship winning team, haunted by your past and heavily influenced by your present.

wc; {part two} 5.6k warnings; 18+, sexual content, alcohol consumption/abuse, bad influences around her, manipulation, her name gets taken advantage of in public media, if i missed anything please let me know!! notes; hi, i am posting & feeling shy. please enjoy. <3 dusting off my fingers for this one, i am still not feeling 100%, thank you everyone for your kind words & messages. peese n lurv. <3

Weeks ago your brother decided this Mingyu thing was good, but only in theory. Parading around with him, hanging out with him, going to bars with him, hooking up with him… All of it actually happening, not good.

DK would prefer you to have these rendezvous with someone who didn’t try to drink his body weight in liquor each time the first can hit his hand, but alas, you were brought home safe every time, so who was he to complain or pick and choose who you can and can’t hang out with.

After their first few seasons together it was clear the two had different outlooks on life, neither of them really in the wrong with how they chose to go about their time, but they didn’t match. They clashed. Your brother, after spending time educating himself on his fathers history and evidently learning that baseball wasn’t the only thing he played, he took a different approach to dating, to women. He was a proper gentleman, DK was, never using his status to acquire a girlfriend with status or money or a title, he searched for love.

A star studded, best pitcher in baseball shouldn’t have had his heart broken as many times as his had been, he should’ve been the one breaking hearts. The girls wanted his money, and they only liked him because he played baseball. His status, his money, his title. All the things he didn’t necessarily want, but had been blessed with. 

He was a good man, and he was always right, but you’d never admit that to his face. Especially after that night, after a weekend of staying at Mingyu’s. DK had sat you down, he spoke for many minutes, many dragging minutes, a monologue full of ‘Wouldn’t you prefer to do something else?’ and ‘Have your friends from Nasara come out to stay with us sometime, maybe you all can spend time in the city together.’ He never said the words, “Don’t date Mingyu,” but you know he despised the idea.

Deep down you despised it too. 

The hunk of golden muscle with a voice so pretty and persuading, he wanted to be your boyfriend. Mingyu’s asked a few times before, letting it become your decision, always telling you he’d wait for you, and that you were his no matter what, that he was here for you, he wanted to take care of you, he wanted to love you. He’d keep his word, you knew he would. It was Mingyu, he kept his promises, he spoke with utmost intent, he didn’t say shit just to say it, nor was he using it to coerce you into his sheets. That you did on your own.

His curly hair, his sappy brown eyes, you’d drown it in, in him, suffocate yourself with Mingyu, all of him until the guilt wallowing in your gut was gone. With each passing day it grew smaller. After each night with Mingyu it was easier to deal with. Like last night, like this entire trip would be.

Arriving in Haos, in the warm air that breezed over your skin like a dream when you stepped out of the airport hand in hand with Mingyu sending cameras flashing away, you finally felt like you could breathe. Away from Iloa, away from the restraints the city put on you, really your brother, this trip felt like freedom. Haos has always been a place you’ve thrived since you were a little girl, traveling back and forth on a jet with your parents and DK, vacationing for months throughout the summer, laying on these beaches until your skin couldn’t take it any longer. The air was different here, it excited you.

It invited you to dance in it, to get lost in it like you did Mingyu.

And that’s just what you did.

Waking up to sunshine peeking through the heavy grey curtains of the hotel room, washing over you where you laid in the king sized bed buried in white sheets and blankets, you didn’t even want to open your eyes. Pressing your hands to your forehead first, rolling onto your back, the ache squeezing your brain threatened your stomach, but you wouldn’t allow it to go any further. Taking a slow, calculated deep breath you lay your arms beside you and stretch, your limbs barely reaching the edges of the mattress. Muscles sore, body tired, you blinked open your eyes and scolded the light with a groan.

Moving beneath the covers, the soft sheets caressing your bare skin, you tugged them off and took your time sitting up. The weight in your head shifted, almost sending you forward. Clamping your hands to your knees, still blinking fervently in the bright sunshine, you find clothes scattered about the floor, your bell bottom jeans inside out and slung over a dresser across the room from you.

You weren’t sure whose room you were in, but the denim jacket, Nike luggage, and custom sneakers let you know where you were. Dragging a hand through your hair, the blow dry still bouncing even though your jaw ached, you took another breath and made your way out of his bed.

These headlines were gonna be good.

You scrolled, and scrolled. Instagram, Twitter, all the accounts that reported on you, that reported on Mingyu, you scrolled, and you read. Wandering out of bed, you scrolled, sitting on the toilet, you scrolled, brushing your teeth, you scrolled. The photos were cute, Mingyu’s arm either around your back or shoulders, unless his hand was wrapped around your neck or squeezing your ass. More often than not your lips were locked, the two of you ‘unable to get enough’ as one drama influencer said on her story.

You’ve been here one night and have already achieved what you came here to do.

There was a certain rush accompanied by seeing your name in posts, in headlines, coming out of peoples mouths. Everyone had their thing, everyone in your life, they had their thing. This was yours, and people were catching on. After each blow up of news, of rumors, of new photos, your follower count grew.

But where there were fun people talking about you, doing their makeup in their ‘Get Ready With Me and Chit Chat About Moon Isla…’ videos and TikToks, there were the assholes, mostly men, who spewed their worthless thoughts. That’s what DK would say. Mingyu had started saying it too, that those kinds of people had nothing better to do with their lives.

It didn’t mean their words didn’t hurt.

“I mean, she’s sloppy, she’s drinking all the time, and he’s there to carry her around,” a man with a microphone in his face and big headphones on around his head spoke from your phone. Dressed now, having read an article that informed you that you bought the entire bar shots of tequila, you attempted to liven up your face in the mirror that stretched across the bathroom wall. “His team is in Haos to train. To practice. To begin their season to take back their trophy, and this bitch is with them, dragging Kim all along Festa Street.” Slicking clear gloss over your lips, you narrowed your eyes and glared at the man on the screen.

Fair skinned, bald, with a bush on his face and all around his jaw. He had that nagging sort of voice, one that tugged on your eardrums and stabbed them thousands and thousands of times with tiny needles filling you with rage.

“Photos came out right away when the team got there, you know,” the man said, and his partner, another bald man with a Lions hat on, hummed in agreement. “Not a smile on his face. Sunglasses on, gear on his back, his hat tugged over his forehead. Now what do you think that means?”

“He’s hungover,” the partner said. The man threw his hands out to the side and cackled.

“Thank you, he’s hungover, and he has to play today.” You scoffed and snatched your phone off the counter. “They’re lucky the new first-”

“Shut up,” you groaned, swiping away to another video. A girl with long, waist length braids in her hair, each one entwined with a fun color was smiling to the camera.

“Guys,” she finally whispered after a second of staring. A giggle corrupted her, sending her face down into her pillows. The camera shook, then she picked her head back up and widened her eyes for a few seconds. “How do I become her?” She slapped a hand over her mouth, then giggled maniacally again. “How do I- Wait, hang on.” 

The camera cut and a picture showed up behind her. Your cheeks warmed. Mingyu had you pressed to a pillar in one of the bars you were in, the name unknown to you. His hands were in the back pockets of your jeans and his forehead was pressed to yours. The way he smiled down at you, god. The picture was a little blurry, a little grainy, but damn. He wasn’t looking at you like you were his dinner. Hearts engulfed his irises.

“Guys?!” The girl shrieked and you jumped, forgetting she was here. “Kim Mingyu, save me! Look at this, do you see this, are we all okay after this…” She rambled more nonsense, and you’re certain the thousands of comments were agreeing with her. On every video of girls like this the comments were full of more girls saying the same exact thing.

You dared, and you clicked.

‘how does she not die when he looks like that’

‘LORD WHEN IS IT MY TURRRRRRN’

‘Shes so lucky waht the actual fuck guys its not fair.’

‘how are they NOT DATING’

How are they not dating? How are you not dating Mingyu? How could you look at a photo like this one, all of it screaming that he loved you, how could you see this, witness this, live this, and not date him? Not want to date him?

Locking your phone, tossing it to the counter, you returned to your makeup and put on fresh mascara, not that anyone was going to see it.

Venturing out into the room, side stepping articles of clothing, you pulled on one of Mingyu's grey Lions tee’s and wiggled back into the jeans you wore last night. Your luggage was elsewhere. DK would tell you where it ended up, he’d tell you where you were staying. You haven’t seen him since you left the airport, you were not looking forward to the lecture you’d get when you met him at the field.

Sliding thick black sunglasses onto your nose, making sure your hair framed your face, you spritzed some of Mingyu’s cologne onto your neck, dropped your things into your little purse, slid into your shoes, and left his room behind.

The team was gone, they’d been out on the field for two hours already. Nearing eleven o’clock you weren’t sure who else would be left behind here at the hotel, hopefully someone you’d catch a ride with, but to your demise as you wandered the halls and rode the elevator down to the lobby, your least favorite people were here.

The WAGs.

A piercing cry echoed through the air and the glass ceiling of the lobby.

The WAGs and their children.

To the right of the main lobby, the carpeted area where large leather couches and a fireplace lived, fabulous heads of hair sat around or stood with their babies in their arms. Tight jeans, fun Lions themed jackets, the whole thing screamed WAGs and it made you want to gag. 

Then you remembered what shirt you put on and kept your thoughts to yourself.

Already regretting approaching them, you took yourself toward the couches and attempted to smile at them. In an instant their chatter quieted, their attention turned to you, and they broke out in cheesy greetings. There were only a few faces you recognized.

Seungcheols wife, Talia, who was very pregnant, had their son Tao on her hip where she stood in front of the couches. Luscious blonde hair flowing toward her waist, her full face of makeup smiled back at you. She was one of the few you actually trusted. Gesturing toward her knee high wedged boots, you shot her a thumbs up. From what you know she was weeks from popping out kid number two, so how she was walking around in those boots, props to her.

On the couch directly in front of you rocking her crying baby sat Daya, a brunette with macchiato colored skin married to the Lions second basemen, Soonyoung, or Hoshi, as the city of Iloa called him. They haven’t been married long, but their baby girl, Tora, was six months old. Hoshi was one of the reasons the team started to crumble last season. Between Daya and his new daughter, the family fought the narrative the entire off season. 

Daya sat beside Halle, a woman with curly black hair hanging at her shoulders and the smoothest dark chocolate complexion. She bounced a baby in her arms, her and her husband, Minghao, their eight month old, Sunday. Another daughter born into the Lions family, one toward the beginning of the season, the family just missing the reason for crumble rumors.

The two were best friends, Daya and Halle, just as were Hoshi and Minghao. With their chins turned up at you and their seemingly judging eyes studying what you wore and how you wore it, they smiled and shared a look.

“Isla you’re so fun,” Talia said with a shake of her head. 

Daya laughed under her breath. “She’ll be one of us soon,” she grumbled, and Halle laughed with her.

“Leave the girl be,” Jihyo spoke up as she passed by the couches, wandering behind her and Junhui’s four year old son, Jisoo. Jun belonged to the Lions long before DK had ever been traded, he was a veteran in Iloa. He and his wife, a couple of high school sweethearts, welcomed you back time and time again, treating you no differently, as if no time had ever passed. Just seeing her face was relief enough.

“Hey,” you half whispered, reaching out for her. She took your hand and squeezed it, the smile lines on her cheeks accenting her stunning smile. Talia watched your hands meet, then watched the interaction, adjusting her baby on her hip. “It’s so nice to see you.”

Jihyo tossed her dark brown hair over the shoulder of her leather jacket. “It’s so much nicer seeing you. Don’t let these girls be mean to you,” she shot Daye and Halle a glare and the two turned toward one another, “She’s a baby, she’s not having any anytime soon.” Smiling back at you, she squeezed your hand once more before returning to her motherly duties. “You came down just in time, they’re picking us up any minute now.”

“How are things with Mingyu?” Daya asked, giving you another once over. “You guys conjure quite the crowd.” You didn’t like the way her eyes felt.

Shrugging, you pursed your lips and said, “Things are great. Why?”

She and Halle spoke to one another again with their eyes, then Minghao’s wife looked up at you. “Why aren’t things official, Isla?” 

Because if things become official then you end up on the couch here with these women and their babies, maybe even with a few of your own. You become a WAG, your entire identity succumbed down into just being someone's wife, someone's mother. You’d be an extension of him, of Mingyu, it’s what he wanted you to be even if he’s never explicitly said it.

But, he has.

You’re his. You’re his whether the label is there or not.

The label.

More of their questions bounced back and forth between them. ‘Has he not asked?’ ‘You have to do something, Isla, you can’t just be his pet.’ ‘I mean, what does it look like, you traveling with him to do what, party and sleep together?’ ‘We’ve seen the photos, everyone has, you guys have something-’

“It is official,” you said with a sureness that shut them up.

The words were set in stone before you had a chance to take them back. The chatter of the wives and girlfriends in the lobby filled the air and did nothing to ease the anxiety around the next news story you just created for yourself. For Mingyu. For your brother.

Exactly what he didn’t want.

Taking a deep breath, you thought to yourself, oh well.

You’d be a different type of WAG, you’d change what it meant. You would not end up here wedged between Daya and Halle, two women unable to calm their fussy babies.

Halle smirked, shaking her curls a bit. “What do you mean it is?”

Narrowing your eyes that she couldn’t see at her, you tilted your head. “He’s my boyfriend. I’m his girlfriend. How much more official can it get? You want proof? Wanna see the pictures he took of us while he was in me last night?”

Daya threw her head backward with a holler of a laugh. Halle’s own jaw fell open, a scoff falling from it. Talia, eyes analyzing still, she started to smile. 

“No, you keep those to yourself,” Halle said.

Daya chimed in, “If you have any of just Mingyu let us know, though.”

Your heart would’ve shot out your chest if you weren’t so hungover. “I would,” you sighed, then started toward the doors of the hotel, “But, he’s mine!”

First one to get to the cars, recognizing your brother's driver, you beelined for the SUV and demanded he pull away and get you to the stadium before any other women could try to get into the car with you. Barely five minutes away from the hotel and twenty from the stadium, your phone buzzed from your purse, and then it buzzed again, and again. Pulling it out you sighed at the notifications polluting your screen, but weren’t surprised in the slightest.

Someone got their check.

‘BREAKING NEWS: The Lions Princess confirms her relationship with…’

It was too long to read across the screen.

‘Moon Isla and Kim Mingyu CONFIRMED!’

‘IT’S OFFICIAL!’

No matter who it was, no matter who sold the story or leaked it, you didn’t have time to feel bad for them, nor yourself. You were well off and doing better for yourself without the need to leak info to the press for a paycheck. You have a DK, and now you have a boyfriend, who doesn’t know he’s your boyfriend yet, but is about to find out he is your boyfriend and probably already did. 

Now you had to tell him in person.

And you had to swear to yourself that you were not going to become one of the WAGs.

As easy as it would be to just hand your whole life over to somebody, to follow them around, to have them take care of you for as long as they saw fit… It wasn’t you.

And it wasn’t going to be you.

The stadium in Haos couldn’t compare to the one in Iloa. Smaller, less sparkly and flashy, positioned directly in the sun, this stadium was lucky the Lions continued to come here to train for a month and a half. The tickets they sold within February and March were probably enough to fund the rest of the year for this company. 

To the Lions it was home away from home. A field to play on, a place to stay. Players like your brother saw it that way, he and a few others like Junhui, they had an appreciation for it. As long as they were throwing a baseball, running the bases, rolling in the grass, they were happy. You had few memories of this place, one of them being finally kissing Mingyu for the first time when you were eighteen and in Haos with your family for a weekend to watch the Lions play a series here. It was something short and sweet but all the more delicious. 

It was sneaky, in a hallway away from celebrations and cameras. The two of you had spent nearly the entire weekend together, talking, re-getting to know one another like most of the time like this was spent. He only kissed you after a dinner with the team, after a few drinks downed by the both of you, his liquid courage hands dancing along your neck gently before they took your cheeks and pulled you into him.

You started at Nasara that fall, though you longed to go back to that weekend every damn day of that grueling first semester. With little to no contact between you and Mingyu, it was easy to slip away from him, and you did so without even realizing it. There came a point in time where he wasn’t even a second thought, a side thought, a thought way in the back of your brain, he was just… gone.

Coming here, spending time at the stadium with the team you hoped that feeling would come back. That first feeling. The way nerves below your skin buzzed as he touched you, as he smiled at you and tipped his chin closer, whispering to you how he hopes no one turns the corner. His soft lips, his strong hands, his chiseled body you simply melted into… Everything about it screamed perfect.

Strutting over the concrete, a coffee acquired in your hand, sun blazing on your back, coaches, security, and other WAGs standing around eyeing you or trying to say hello, you ignored them and kept your head on straight, knowing he was at the end of this pathway. The stands of seats towered over your head, casting shadows onto the pavement, leading you toward the fence you so easily walked around with no one to stop you. Your feet quieted as the grass began, shade covering the green so lush you almost felt bad you were flattening it beneath your shoes.

The boys weren’t actively playing at the moment, the most activity happening that you could see was that of your brother and the Lions catcher Jihoon, or Woozi, stretching in the outfield together in their sponsored Under Armour get ups. Everyone else was wandering the dirt, chatting it up along the dugout, or checking out their gear. Few players stood in their positions from what you could see, everyone's backs to you as you approached the third base line.

“Isla!” His voice brought an instant smile to your face. He was heard before he was seen, scanning the different figures around you, you finally found him hurrying toward you, a big, goofy smile on his cheeks. Completely different than how those men on that podcast were describing him. 

A little bit sweaty, Mingyu wore a cut off Lions tank and matching black shorts, swapping his custom sneakers for a pair of old cleats that supposedly brought him luck while they trained. It wasn’t Spring Training if he didn’t have them on, no one would catch him jinxing the season before it even started. Some of his curls clung to his forehead, his skin aglow beneath the beating Haos sun.

“Change your mind, or something?” The way he scrunched his nose made you giggle. “Heard we’re dating now?” He made it in front of you finally, resting his hands on his hips as he caught his breath.

Pressing your lips together in a silly smile, you shrugged your shoulders and rocked on your feet. “Maybe we are.” He couldn’t tame his happiness, you were certain his cheeks would break. “Sucks I couldn’t have told you first, who’d you hear it from?”

“Hoshi.” He cocked his head backward toward the dugout. Peeking around his large frame you found the two best friends side by side leaning over the fence with their chins resting on their arms looking straight toward you and Mingyu. Hoshi, hair bleached into oblivion, and Minghao, shaggy black hair hanging down his neck. Both boys wore backwards baseball caps. “After he told me I checked to see if you said anything to me, but you didn’t.”

A pout graced your lips. “I wanted to come here and tell you, I’m sorry.”

He moved quickly, reaching out to take you by your shoulders. “No, please, don’t apologize, holy shit, Isla. If anything I’m sorry, it sucks that we can’t say anything without someone taking it and plastering it to the internet.” His thumbs drew circles over the fabric of his own t-shirt. “This mine?” He snickered.

“Yeah,” you sang, “I was in your room, Gyu. My suitcases are MIA.”

“They’re in your room,” he said as if he knew where it was.

You scoffed. “And you didn’t think to tell me where that was so I could-”

“On the other side of the hotel in one of the towers across the property by your brother.” It was all he had to say to have you both deadpanning in seconds. “Like, a mile apart.”

Laughing within a breath you leaned into him and slid an arm around his back. “Oh, agony,” you drug out, tipping your chin backward. “A mile, how ever are we going to do it?” It was too easy to make him laugh.

“DK did it on purpose,” he said quietly, bobbing his head, taking his arms around your back. “He thinks we don’t know what he does and why he does it but, it’s so obvious.” Sipping your coffee, you looked up at him and waited for more. “Does he know you were gonna do this? Today?”

Toying with the hem of his shirt you took a breath. “No, but I can tell you he definitely already knows, news travels fast around here.” The two of you spare your brother a glance, one he was returning. You’ve never seen DK mad, but you do know when his eyes have fallen upon something he doesn’t like.

“You’ll talk him down,” Mingyu nodded, gazing back down at you. “You always do, you have the magic.” 

Blinking, you turned your chin back up to him. “You could talk to him too, yanno.”

He made a face, baring his teeth, cringing. “Ah, you know how I feel about that.”

“It could potentially turn this whole thing around if you do, Gyu,” you muttered, defeat beginning to pool within you. “You want me, you gotta talk to him about it.”

A smile tugged at his lips as he reached for your coffee cup. “I have you. Watcha got in here?” He took a swing before you could answer him, his reaction making you laugh amongst the karma.

“Black coffee,” you droned, taking the white cup back. “And sugar, because someone made me do tequila shots all night.”

Snickering, he dropped down to press a kiss to your lips, one long and slow, as if he was putting the period on the It’s Official statement. Pulling back just slightly, Mingyu mumbled, “Why don’t you substitute that sugar for vodka so we can keep going tonight?”

“Aye, Kim!” A coach called out for him, the team heading back out onto the field.

Whirling around, pulling you into his side, Mingyu waves off the batting coach and ushers you into the dugout making sure you were along the fence with a good spot to watch him hit. Along the way he whispered nonsense to you, telling you what bars you should explore tonight, where you needed to go, what food you should try, but more importantly what drinks you could get and where.

“You’re gonna kill me, Gyu,” you whispered to him after he kissed you one last time. Laughing aloud, head thrown back with vigor, he took to home plate and his persona shifted. Gone was Gyu, out came Kim Mingyu, the Lions right fielder.

Sipping from your coffee, allowing it to ease the ache in your forehead and the unease in your gut, you stood up and wandered the empty dugout. Names were written on everything, the shirts, the bats, the gloves, the mits, it was adorable, it felt like when you’d watch your brother in little league and your father etched his name into everything he owned. Dragging your feet along the ground, dirt and pebbles scraping against the concrete beneath your shoes, you took a deep breath in through your nose and let the fresh air relax you.

Maybe this was a good thing.

The familiar sound of a baseball smacking into the glove of the catcher brought you more comfort than you ever could’ve imagined. Your brother was on the mound, Woozi behind the plate, Mingyu in the batter's box. The whooshing of the bat through the air as your boyfriend acquired another strike had the batting coach calling out a few things to him. With a small smile on your lips you wandered toward the stairs to the dugout along the first base line, stepping up them to lean against the post giving you the clearest view of the field.

Hangover aside, the day was beautiful. The weather was perfect, the boys were talking and laughing with one another, there was the crack of the ball hitting the bat filling you with excitement as someone shouted in the outfield. The ball Mingyu hit was foul, traveling just over right field, but it wasn’t hit long enough for their bench player whose name you hadn’t learned yet to catch it in right field. Your neck stretched, everyones did. Mingyu ran to first base, but Seungcheol would catch it before he made it down the line.

Except Seungcheol was behind home plate with the batting coach, arms folded over his broad chest, his knee wrapped in a brace.

Whipping your head back and forth, from Seungcheol eyeing the ball, to the team, then you, he shouted a name that made your blood run cold.

“Hansol!”

Every bone in your body went stiff, every muscle froze. Neck nearly breaking, you plastered your eyes onto the boy standing behind first base and your coffee cup almost slipped from your trembling fingers.

You could’ve been sick. You wanted to be sick.

Months. It’d been months.

Months of distraction, months of trying to make him go away, months of squeezing him and pushing him down into a feeling you’d only allow yourself to feel between the hours of one and three in the morning if you were any sort of sober. Even drunk, he was there, a ghost haunting your memory of what could’ve been, what you had and what you left behind. He stood here now, five foot ten, a little scrawny, a little pale. Those brown waves, they were just how you left them, fluffy, soft, inviting. His eyes, chocolate and sweet, were on you, he was looking at you, not through you, not around you, at you.

And it hurt.

Every feeling manifested into a stomach ache, a nausea so debilitating that only he would know what to do about it, like he’s done for you so many times before. The amount of times he’s held your hair, that he’s pulled it back for you. So many nights at Nasara, when he was allowed to, he would get you into your bed and make sure you’d fall asleep on your side, telling Ryujin that if either of you needed anything she could call him. He’d try to not let you drink too much, but when he couldn’t keep up with the way you’d bounce around the house he’d appear with a cup full of water and wouldn’t leave you alone until you finished it. 

He’d bring you to Blend, he’d buy you a coffee, he’d offer you breakfast, and if you refused he’d offer his shoulder and he’d let you talk. And not once would he interrupt, he’d only look away to sip his coffee, reminding you to drink some of yours between the stories you had to tell.

You’d follow him along to his practices, one of the only ones to sit in the stands, or behind home plate when he’d bat or train with his coaches gearing him up for this very moment.

When the hell did he get called up?

When the hell did the Lions get him?

Why the fuck is this the first you’re hearing of it, seeing it?

He missed the ball. It fell a few feet behind him. His teammates shouted for him, they tried to get his attention, so many shouts of a name so foreign to you only because you knew it wasn’t his favorite. He was stuck, much like you, with a thousand things to say splayed out between the two of you.

Vernon.

He was here, in Haos, playing on the same team as your brother. 

On the same team as your boyfriend. 

Holy shit, Mingyu was your boyfriend.

Mingyu was your boyfriend, words you chose to say on the same day the boy you had fallen in too far deep with appears on his baseball team.

“Hansol!”

Finally his gaze of disbelief was ripped from you, having you loose a breath you were holding. Murmurs of his voice, nothing more than a hum hit you where you were standing, a sound so incredibly comforting it had tears welling up in your eyes. You’re sure it was pleading, and apologies, and excuses for missing the easiest play for a first baseman.

He hurried toward Seungcheol and the coach, as did the team, and you hightailed it off the field while no one's eyes were on you, hurried for the closest bathroom and hid yourself in a stall, collapsing to the floor with rushed breaths, willing your heart to calm down.

home;run masterlist | talk to me | ao3

you do not have permission to copy or translate my works without my consent.

[madewithangst]

SEVENTEEN as TTPD1 songs

Welcome to the TTPD x SVT series! — Below is the table of contents along with the list of members who I believe fit best with the TTPD songs. The way I chose the songs for them doesn't describe the members but focuses solely on who fits best in the story. I hope you enjoy this angst-filled world featuring 13 dorks!

I don't have a set order for which member comes first. Updates might be irregular due to the author's real-life commitments (sadly) lol. If you want to stay in the loop, please reblog this post and tag me!

scoups

fresh out the slammer - "i know who my first call will be to..."

jeonghan

fortnight - "And for a fortnight there, we were forever"

joshua

florida!!! - "I need to forget, so take me to Florida, I've got some regrets, I'll bury them in Florida"

junhui

but daddy i love him - "I know he's crazy, but he's the one I want"

hoshi

down bad - "I'll build you a fort on some planet, where they can all understand it, how dare you think it's romantic, leaving me safe and stranded"

wonwoo

my boy only breaks his favorite toy - "I'm queen of sand castles he destroys"

woozi

i can fix him (no, really, i can) - "But your good Lord didn't need to lift a finger, I can fix him, no, really, I can (No, really, I can), Woah, maybe I can't"

the8

so long, london - "And you say I abandoned the ship, but I was going down with it, my white knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment"

mingyu

the smallest man who ever lived - "You hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins, In public, showed me off, then sank in stoned oblivion, 'cause once your queen had come, you'd treat her likе an also-ran"

dk

loml - "Still alive, killing time at the cemetery, never quite buried"

seungkwan

i can do it with a broken heart - "you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart"

vernon

the torture poets department -"At dinner you take my ring off my middle finger and put it on the one people put wedding rings on"

dino - [x]

guilty as sin? - "They don't know how you've haunted me so stunningly, I choose you and me...religiously"

PSA: This is a work of pure fiction. Any names, events, times, or places mentioned are purely for entertainment and are entirely fictional (well, except for the names of the members).

© All copyrights for the title, lyrics, and concept of this work belong to Taylor Swift. The plot and dialogue of the story are entirely original and created by me, unless explicitly stated otherwise. Unauthorized use, reproduction, or distribution of this work may result in legal action.

[yxlnst]

Ghost City: SEVENTEEN's Urban Adventure

🎀 Summary 🎀 : Seventeen explores an abandoned city, facing eerie whispers and locked gates. The group navigates danger to find their way out.

🧸 Word count 🧸 : 1,270

Crack/Random

🧸 - - - - - - - - - - - - - 🎀 - - - - - - - - - - - 🧸

The sky was just beginning to darken as you stood with Seventeen at the edge of the abandoned city. Everyone had heard the rumors about this place—the old factories, the empty amusement park, the countless stories of hauntings and strange occurrences. It was a ghost town, but for you and the boys, it was an adventure waiting to happen.

"Alright, who's ready to explore?" S.Coups asked, his voice full of excitement. He held up his flashlight like a leader brandishing a torch.

"I'm always ready!" Hoshi exclaimed, practically bouncing with energy. You weren't surprised; he was usually the most enthusiastic in the group.

"Do we really need to do this at night?" Seungkwan asked, pretending to shiver from the wind. "I mean, isn't that how all horror stories start?"

"It's supposed to be spookier at night," you replied, giving him a reassuring pat on the back. "Besides, what's the fun without a little fear?"

Jeonghan chuckled. "Right, and if anyone gets scared, they can just hold hands with Seungkwan."

"Hey, I'm not scared!" Seungkwan retorted, crossing his arms. "I'm just... cautious."

The city loomed ahead, a mass of decaying buildings and overgrown streets. Broken streetlights flickered weakly, casting long shadows on the asphalt. Woozi, ever the pragmatic one, adjusted his bag and sighed. "Just remember, guys, we stick together. No wandering off."

"Yeah, especially you, Hoshi," Joshua added, his tone playful but with a hint of caution.

"Me? Why me?" Hoshi asked, feigning innocence.

"Because you have a habit of running off when you're excited," you said, pointing at him with your flashlight. "Last time, we almost lost you in the mall."

Mingyu, the tallest in the group, leaned against a rusted fence. "Alright, let's get moving. I want to see if we can find that amusement park. I heard there's a Ferris wheel that's still standing."

"You heard right," Vernon replied, pointing toward the distance. "It's that way. Let's go."

The group set off into the city, flashlights casting narrow beams of light across the deserted streets. The sound of their footsteps echoed, creating an eerie rhythm. Every now and then, you could hear distant sounds—perhaps animals or the wind—but it was hard to tell in a place like this.

As you walked, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement. The city had been abandoned for years, but there was something about its decaying beauty that drew you in. You noticed Wonwoo taking pictures, his camera's flash lighting up the darkness.

"This place has character," he said, capturing a shot of a graffiti-covered wall. "I bet there's some cool stuff deeper in."

The8, with his artistic eye, nodded in agreement. "It's like a canvas that's been left to nature. The decay has its own beauty."

Dino, the youngest in the group, was clearly excited to be out exploring with everyone. "Hey, let's check out that alley," he suggested, pointing to a narrow path between two buildings.

"Sure, but let's stick together," you said, leading the way.

The alley was filled with debris, and the walls were covered in faded posters and graffiti. As you walked through, you noticed that the alley led to a larger street, where the faint outline of the amusement park became visible.

"There it is!" Hoshi exclaimed, picking up the pace. "Come on, let's check it out!"

The amusement park was a surreal sight. The rides were rusted and broken, the ticket booths abandoned, and the Ferris wheel loomed over the entire area, creaking in the wind. It was as if time had stopped, leaving the park frozen in a state of decay.

"Wow," Mingyu said, looking around in awe. "This is amazing."

"Yeah, amazing," DK replied, though his voice was laced with apprehension. "But does anyone else feel like we're being watched?"

"Relax," Jeonghan said, putting an arm around him. "It's just your imagination."

You led the group deeper into the park, exploring the various rides and attractions. The bumper cars were covered in rust, the carousel had lost most of its horses, and the roller coaster was overgrown with vines. Despite the decay, there was a strange beauty to it all.

"Hey, look at this," Joshua said, pointing to an old arcade. "Let's see if anything still works."

The group entered the arcade, where the smell of dust and mold filled the air. The machines were in varying states of disrepair, but The8 found one that still had power. He pressed a button, and the screen flickered to life, displaying a classic racing game.

"Who wants to race?" he asked, a playful smile on his lips.

Dino immediately stepped forward. "I'm in! Let's do this!"

As Dino and The8 played, the rest of the group explored the arcade. You noticed that Seungkwan was a bit uneasy, his gaze darting around the room.

"What's up, Seungkwan?" you asked, noticing his nervousness.

"I keep hearing things," he replied in a whisper. "Like whispers or something."

"It's probably just the wind," you said, trying to reassure him. "This place is old, and sound travels weirdly in places like this."

But as you continued exploring, you heard it too—a faint whispering, like distant voices carried by the wind. It was hard to tell where it was coming from, but it was enough to send a chill down your spine.

The group eventually left the arcade and headed toward the roller coaster. Hoshi and Mingyu were already at the top, waving down at everyone else.

"Come on up!" Hoshi shouted. "The view is amazing!"

S.Coups led the way, helping the others climb to the top of the roller coaster. From there, you could see the entire amusement park, and beyond it, the sprawling city. The sun had fully set by now, and the city was enveloped in darkness.

As you admired the view, you heard a loud crash from somewhere in the city. It was followed by a series of distant echoes, like something—or someone—was moving through the streets.

"What was that?" Woozi asked, his eyes narrowing as he listened.

"Probably just something falling," you replied, though you weren't entirely sure.

The group quickly descended from the roller coaster, heading toward the source of the noise. The shadows seemed to grow darker as you moved through the park, and the whispering grew louder.

"Guys, this is starting to get creepy," DK said, sticking close to you.

"I agree," Seungkwan replied, looking around nervously. "Maybe we should head back."

S.Coups turned to the group, his flashlight illuminating their anxious faces. "Okay, let's not take any chances. Let's head back the way we came."

As you made your way through the amusement park, you couldn't shake the feeling that you were being watched. The whispering continued, growing louder with each step. It was like the city itself was coming to life, its abandoned buildings and empty streets filled with unseen presences.

Just as you reached the entrance to the park, the gate slammed shut with a loud bang. Everyone jumped, and DK let out a small scream.

"What the—?" Vernon said, trying to push the gate open. It wouldn't budge.

"Why is it locked?" Joshua asked, his voice laced with concern.

"It's like someone's playing a prank on us," Jeonghan said, trying to lighten the mood. "Who's got the keys?"

"This isn't funny," you said, feeling a surge of anxiety. "We need to find another way out."

The group quickly headed back into the park, looking for another exit. The whispers seemed to be coming from all directions, and the darkness felt heavier. It was clear that something was not right.

As you moved through the park, you stumbled upon an old maintenance shed. The door was slightly ajar, and you could see a dim light coming from inside.

"Maybe there's a way out through here," Wonwoo suggested, pointing to the shed.

The group cautiously entered, their flashlights cutting through the darkness. Inside, the shed was filled with old tools and machinery. But what caught your attention was a map pinned to the wall, showing the layout of the amusement park.

"Look," you said, pointing to the map. "There's a service tunnel that leads out of the park. It's right behind this shed."

"Great, let's go!" Hoshi exclaimed, eager to get out of the park.

As you followed the map, you heard a loud bang from behind you. It was like something—or someone—had slammed a door shut. Everyone jumped, and Dino let out a small yelp.

"We need to get out of here," Woozi said, his voice tense. "This place is getting weird."

The group followed the map to the service tunnel, which was hidden behind a stack of old crates. It was narrow and dark, but it seemed to lead to an exit. You took the lead, flashlight in hand, guiding the group through the tunnel.

The whispers seemed to follow you, growing louder as you moved through the darkness. It was as if the city itself was alive, its unseen inhabitants watching your every move.

Finally, you reached the end of the tunnel, where a rusty door led to the street. You pushed it open, and a gust of fresh air greeted you. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

[theshiningprincess]

What's your history with the Donkey Kong Franchise?

Well it all started when I first moved into my family’s new house back in 2010 (it was because my father had a new job), when I first went to my new elementary school at 3rd grade I tried making friends but none of them would be interested in me, and already I was feeling home sick from my old home. That was until when DKC Returns was just about to be released the same year, and in some ways it would have helped me coped myself from being lonely from school not getting friends at the time. (Keep in mind I’m not really the best when it comes to making new friends cause ether they aren’t interested, or just straight up ignore me). And after I finished the game I saw DK as the heroic figure more than the villain figure most people see him as and developed a crush on him since I could see him like Shrek but more floofier. As I started to become interested in both gaming and otaku culture (all because of someone I used to look up to but now despise because they will become my gr00mer soon) I learned more that the series was connected to other series like Banjo Kazooie and Conker which I love also. As years when on my parent’s divorce and most of my middle school friends ditching me off made me have this downward spiral of depression and anxiety from socializing with other peers in my High School years. I mostly socialized on social media where I could make friends with people who loved my special interests, because I thought it was the more quicker and easier way to make friends. But unfortunately that would take a turn when I was gr00med and manipulated badly by an idol I used to look up to, who was secretly a P3d0… It was a experience I may never forget, it was horrible, and what’s worse was that they’re twin brother wasn’t as better ether, they would often harass and break my boundaries by saying things like that they wished I was like someone else, and even when as far as telling me DK doesn’t like me in a rude way…

It is now 9 months later since I cutted ties with them and I still feel haunted by that experience… But thankfully my love for DK never changed, and I know that he still loves me in my heart. And I know he wouldn’t want to see me so sad… ;3

I LOVE MY FLOOFY BOI!!!

[overtheimaginationwall]

Favorite boss(es) in No Straight Roads?

Least favorite?

(Sincere apologies. I've been holding this one for more than a year in my box, so I hope you don't mind a really late reply ^^")

(Also Happy 3rd Anniversary, NSR!! 🎉)

I will tell ya honestly - they all are my favourites!

Tho if to be more specific I decided to set them up by TOP.

1. Sayu

Oh Sayu, my beloved <3

The Best Virtual Idol and The Reason I bought this game in the first place!

Her music and style of battle was the most fun and dancy! I still vibe to it to this day-

Sooo many references to Internet Culture and Digital Art fills my heart with warmth and gives me determination just like her song itself as well!

Funny Useless Fact: She is the only boss I've beaten on Rank B on my first blind playthrough!

2. DK West

He's OUR MAN, He's THE BEST!

My second favorite and at the same time the hardest for me to beat.

I personally didn't adore RAP genre at first and never seen anyone preform it as an actual entertaining battle until he showed up...

HOLLY MOLLY DESPITE ME BREAKING MY THUMBS WHILE GOING THROUGH THE PAINFUL DODGE GAME - HIM AND ZUKE RAPPING FELT LIKE I'M WATCHING DISNEY-

LIKE-

I STILL HAVE IDEA IN MY HEAD TO MAKE A SORT OF ANIMATIC WITH "FIRST ENCOUNTER" ALONE!!

Anyway, despite damaged fingers - 10/10, would fight again!

Funny Useless Fact: When I was drawing him for the first time I listened to his theme on loop for 4 days straight in order not to get myself distracted or lose motivation, so I finish the piece.

3. Yinu

Oh, sweet child...

I love Yinu and her theme lots even if I'm not that big of a fan of Classical Music. And her backstory...Gosh! It made me cry a lot.

And I'm still feel ashamed of breaking the piano ;;-;;

Love the pace of how music goes with the fight and it feels even better when you get into actual rhythm. There were issues that gladly wore off thanks to practice and fighting this boss over and over.

Tho those slamming cords haunt me whenever I listen to the song off-battle-

Funny Useless Fact: I didn't like her Mother at first but when I read more about her and relationship with Yinu my opinion completely changed. And this is why I would nominate No Straight Roads for The Best Storytelling and Character Design.

4. EVE

Two-faced, tall woman.

Used to be one of my favorites but due to some circumstances I can't look at her the same way I used to but I still adore her as a boss!

I honestly love her style of the fight and music that changes depending on who you play.

Tho fighting her is literally like eating a lemon but eventually you kinda just accept your fate and roll with weird artistic antics happening around you.

And EVE herself as a character is so fascinating. Like this is the moment where I started to see that these aren't just bosses, they are actually characters that tie this little but complex story together bit by bit. And this is why I would nominate No Straight Roads for The Best Storytelling and Character Design AGAIN!

Funny Useless Fact: EVE was supposed to be a next character to have a complete and detailed art of but due to my forgetfulness, difficulties with her design (and many other things) - it was never finished but I hope to get that dusty sketch out of WIP folder someday.

5. Tatiana

The Bitch. The Boss.

I don't really like her music and rhythm but I can forgive that since it is kind of fitting for conflict between her and the BBJ.

She tries to hide her true image throughout the story and the fight but ultimately crumbles cause escaping from the past isn't the best option to improve.

I love her design and personality and I wish there were more villains like her. Strict, simple, stoic and yet well-written.

Funny Useless Fact: I've never drawn Tatiana until NSR announced their release on Steam with addition of Fanat Graffiti Contest that I certainly didn't want to miss out on. It was difficult but I did it and ngl, I am still proud of the results.

6. DJ Subatomic Supernova & 1010/Neon J

I can't really say anything much about both of them. Sorry, guys...

Their designs and personalities are fun and well-made but due to one of them being the first you fight as "tutorial" and the other appears only at the end of a fight. (1010 band doesn't count as an actual boss to me more like a part of it) They didn't struck me much as the others did...

I will say this thou: their backstories are interesting. One is an academy astrology teacher with a goal of achieving the stars and other is a war veteran who just wanted everyone to live in peace and he himself despite everything never stopped his passion for doll-making and making people happy.

Just simply, beautiful...

Cool Science Fact: Their VAs are GOLD!

[dykeyote]

ok my dndads queer hc post randomly gets notes but i disagree w many of the takes now so im updating it . spoiler warning theres a WHOLE lot of lezzies . just doing the dads kiddads and teens HOWEVER i will say that mark likely is for sure a lezzer

darryl: bisexual and probably the most cisgender one here but he's actually SO cis that it becomes almost gnc . he/him

ron: transhet guy but he thinks his transition is like very unique to him and everyone else is doing it the exact same as each other so he doesnt really get that hes Transgender bc he thinks everyone else is doing it in a really different way than him all together . not in an angsty way hes perfectly okay w that . he/him

henry: trans bi guy we know this to be true . he/him but if you called him they/them prns he would be like well yknow ive never thought about that before but you know what go right ahead (: he doesnt exactly enjoy it but he appreciates just how gosh-darn nonbinary positive you are that he'd still encourage it

glenn: bisexual and like .... hes cis he doesnt really care abt gender much but when nick came out as trans he definitely said something about like . "dude if i was trans? id totally use they/them pronouns thats sick as fuck" and then moved on and this sort of haunted nick for a while . he/him but again he doesnt really care

jodie: cis and bisexual but in such a boring way that he might as well be straight

sparrow: tgirl lesbian who was out at one point but is not now for Normalcy Reasons . she/her in theory

lark: transneu nonbinary and aroace . not out about either of these things but not really as a like Actively Closeted thing they just dont really think abt it . they/he in theory

terry jr: tgirl lesbian also but this time out AND butch . she/he

grant: gay of course . and like .... he is cis and this wont change but he'd be a good deal happier if he was more gnc i think

nick: tguy butch lesbian . he mostly but he doesnt really care that much

link: kinda-stealth tboy (not really intentionally or anything he just doesnt really see it as relevant that often so most people dk) and gay . he/him but he doesnt really care that much

taylor: honestly idk what i think is going on w his gender but i DO know hes aro and bi . give me some time to think on that ok

scary: out nonbinary tfem lesbian!!!!! we know this!!!!!! she/it and when she writes her pronouns down she always writes the it in VERY BIG AGGRESSIVE HANDWRITING to make it clear that its SUBVERSIVE AND WEIRD

normal: bisexual tgirl . currently in a like . Questioning Phase in s2 i feel like ..... her turmoil abt being a Normal Son is tied to that . any pronouns but she primarily

hermie: bigender (girl + boy) gaybian :3 was an open bisexual tguy originally but around the poison ivy era had some Gender Complexity . he/she but certain Method Personas have diff pronoun leans whereas normal herm is pretty 50/50

[alonewolf52]

Home... Where is home?I dk. I was home, but it didn't feel like it.I craved calm, but whenever I come home, my mind is in turmoil... Home?The stillness ate me alive... What is "home"?I dk The sound of wind, the darkness of light...Haunting me...as if I want to get away...I want to run...I want to go home...but I'm running away from one...and ending up there...I travel for hours without a destination...just to get away from that place...

[candiliam328]

✨ Bean's Top Five Song Discoveries of 2023 ✨

yes i realize it is already well into january 2024 but here, enjoy the songs i found this year that define my 2023. if you're new here, hi i used to make obsessive music posts but now dont have time to make full ones so take this instead: your very own unique insight to my 2023!

this post is dedicated to @disco-tea for somehow being invested in all my music adventures and obsessions, bestie ily 🥺💕

STOP (Lollapalooza Version) by j-hope (Eng. translation // Performance w/ Eng. sub)

im totally cheating already by choosing this when i first listened to jitb in 2022. but honestly? i dont care. i saw hobipalooza for the first time in 2023 and this version was only officially released then so here it is now!

to be frank, watching the performance was a completely different experience to me compared to listening to the studio release. while the original recording sounded conversational, it felt like something was exploding out of him during this performance. he needed to get things off his chest and yet still barely stops himself in his tracks from spiralling. and the juxtaposition !! placing it right after Equal Sign, where he is preaching kindness and understanding and unity and even goes so far to say "it costs you nothing to be kind" ?? and then the sudden immediate whiplash into STOP where he is actively holding himself back because its not true! being kind is hard!!! but he wants to be understanding and practice what he preaches but even he fails and gets "contaminated by the viruses" sometimes. its hard, its real, its raw. and ugh !! this song !!!

Bonus: the moment I always start to lose my mind

its the way the alternate title to this song is "there are no bad people in the world," a belief he holds deep to his core. and yet only a few breaths later, he confesses that the reality of the world makes him question if people are even human anymore. 😩 like wtf-

but also. its so true. and relatable. sometimes i cant even look at the news anymore bc its so hard to be a hopeful and positive and good person when you are bombarded with only hate and tragedy. i have never seen that feeling captured so perfectly in a song. jung hoseok you king.

tldr i think about this song, its performance juxtaposition, and what it means way too often. eternally sad that the youtube video with eng subs playing those songs back to back got taken down, i rewatched it so much it haunts me. may we never ever forget hobipalooza bc jung hoseok made Choices !!

-

Don't Wanna Cry by Seventeen (Eng. translation // Performance w/ Eng. sub in captions)

the real ones remember how j-hope took over my life that second half of 2022 and how much i fought tooth and nail the entire way... so yeah lol seventeen took over the second half of 2023 and this is the song that got me out of that denial.

the thing is. i had kept hearing about this song and this choreography and how iconic it was, which is why i avoided it for so long. but as we all know, no matter how much i joke, i am and always will be a dancer. dancing will always be in my blood. so it is very on brand that a good dancer has been what gets me into kpop groups 100% of the time (2 out of 2 groups stanned bc i fell for the main dancer 🫣). and as a choreographer, good choreo will always have an unreasonable chokehold on me. and yet, Don't Wanna Cry has the audacity to exist ?? featuring performance unit leader hoshi with his most masterful choreography for this heartbreaking song ?? come onnn, i had no chance.

i cant say anything about this choreo that hasnt been said before but like seriously, watch this practice video and tell me this choreo isnt one of the most in-sync yet emotionally effective pieces of art you've ever seen. You don't even need the translations to understand the emotions behind it. But when I first saw the lyrics with the choreography, I swear I got chills. Ironically, once DK sang out this line:

my eyes got blurry. because thats the whole point of the song isn't it? thats the whole reason why they dont want to cry. because they realize their time together is limited, their heart is breaking but each second in their presence is so beautiful and precious, how dare tears get in the way of fully appreciating this time together. its beautiful and heartbreaking and then the timing of falling to their knees right after for a chorus just adds into the hopelessness.

And I know everyone talks about the bridge but like- the bridge.

Lying to yourself that everything is OK only to fall on your knees again begging "come back, come back, come back". The rawness in this choreo. The almost uncontrollable chest pops in this vulnerable, open position because these words are coming from their heart.

Also Hoshi still to this day calls this one of his favorite svt choreos. He doesn't brag much about his choreo nowadays but the interviews I could find of him proudly relaying the story behind the iconic "streetlight" choreo just 🥺🥺 me too buddy. choreo can be beautiful sometimes and he did so good with this one. 🥺🥺🥺 choreographer hoshi, king of my heart, thank you for making me fall in love with this song 🥺🙌

-

I'm Just Another Person Oh God by Daisy the Great (lyrics)

Ah, yes. the Daisy the Great phase. I could have picked the whole All You Need is Time album honestly bc the storyline it has in my head is so fucked up I can't handle it. But in the end, it was a toss up between including this one or Aluminum in this list bc those were the ones I had on loop. for. reasons. 🫣

Gosh, what to say about this song. other than admitting, wow was I going through something for this one. Haven't we all felt this way sometimes though? Wanting something so bad and it not working out and then stepping back like. "wait am i being greedy and selfish with this?" and the answer is no! like actually im just being entirely super normal with this. just like everyone else! only i am also filled with some bonus woe! like ?!??!?! wasnt that the biggest 2023 mood? idk it was for me lmao.

There is something to be said with this album though, that is particularly apparent in this song. It's that kind of cynical wistfulness of wanting something you had in the past. Passion? Naivete? Whatever it is. It's gone now bc of life, the passage of time, and you're being like so super brave and normal about it (clenched fist, arthur meme style). Everything is painted with a bit of regret and "why am i always like this", all wrapped up in a funky floaty song that is almost uncomfortably easy to listen and vibe to bc of how concerning those lyrics can be when you really listen. but hey ✌️ it really do be like that sometimes i guess. shoutout to them for the insane 20yearold something vibes bc daisy the great? they get it ahaha.

-

Snow on Tha Bluff by J. Cole (lyrics)

Lol surprise.

if you ever want to know how i find music, a lot of my favorite songs are usually found by chance. a random deep dive fueled by curiosity or hyperfixation and every so often, my spotify will give me a gem. this particular discovery was bc for a variety of reasons, i decided to listen to a playlist of j.cole's music and was bopping along appropriately until this one came up and. i had to replay it multiple times.

its very understated. and raw. stream-of-consciousness.

i dont even know but i listened to this one a lot. even as i write this now, its been months since i listened to it but when i was making this list, i knew i had to include this one bc of how much ive thought about it.

there's something about understated vulnerability that always gets me in. nothing about this is showy nor does it really seem to have a point other than him needing to get this off his chest. yet there's such a poignant art to it. the instance he speaks about is v specific but the sentiment is still relatable and somehow resonated with me a lot.

idk i just think this song is so beautiful in its simplicity, which is something i think i should try to emulate more considering i said a whole lot of nothing in this section so i think ill stop this one here.

-

I Don't Understand But I Luv U by Seventeen (Eng. Lyrics)

if i had to pick a song that defined my december, it would be this one. hands down, no contest. i think i listened to this nonstop the last two weeks of the year. and:

... yeah.

im realizing as i write this post that i spent a lot of this past year just thinking about music and life. seventeen's songs actually tend to be a bit of a slow burn on me so i had known and even heard this song a few times earlier this year but really it only hit me last month. yet despite listening to it nonstop, i cannot recite to you the actual english translation of the song. bc ultimately the translation doesnt matter. what i love about this song is already there in the title.

"I don't understand but I love you"

after all, isnt that love in its truest essense? love is accepting you may never truly understand everything about a person but choosing to love them anyway. love transcends all language and all understanding. its a choice and an action and this is the song that always reminds me of that when love gets hard.

idk what this all says about my 2023 but love is hard. family is hard. but in a way, i think that's what makes it all so beautiful. just as beautiful as this song. i can and will (and have!) listened to this song on repeat bc the ✨vibes✨ i think it might even have been the first song i listened to in 2024. that guitar riff is so sick and sensual. the ad libs are so cute - the little zoom! at 0:46 and smoke smoke! at 2:02, i sing along to it every time 🫣.

also hearing the girlies lose their minds when watching this performance on the big screen during their simulcast concert was so funny but endearing. i'd never but those girls sure love thirst traps skakakka

the story behind this song too just 🥺 hoshi getting absolutely blown by a fan's comment "i dont understand but i love you," repeating it, saying they could use it as part of their lyrics and then a few months later, this song comes out. you can literally see his eyes light up im just 🥺 so endeared. and the way its a Performance Unit song, a unit that is made of 50% foreign members, and that several pre-debut clips show members struggling with language barriers. idk this song is all so soft, it means so much to me and clearly means so much to them. and there we go, its all in the title for me ✨

-

✨ if you made it all the way here, wow and thanks! here's to even more good music in 2024 ✨

[thesinglesjukebox]

BSS FT. LEE YOUNG JI - "FIGHTING"

A Seventeen sub-unit, sensibly submitted by Anna...

[5.93]

Anna Katrina Lockwood: The K-pop boy group ecosystem is wilting under the long shadow of BTS' influence, with a bumper crop of dudes trying to fill the market gap by hollering unmelodiously through overly conceptual, poorly-lit music videos. Seventeen are doing none of that -- instead making use of their we've-sold-a-truckload-of-records artistic freedom by releasing "Fighting," from the BSS subunit. This song has that very particular, K-pop-specific campiness I love so much -- not that surprising given they share a label with the sublimely campy Orange Caramel, but surprising when you consider that label is now majority-owned by HYBE, also parent company to BTS' own label, amongst other business dealings. BSS -- short for BooSeokSoon, a portmanteau of a syllable each from the three members' names -- had an initial run five years ago with the vaguely sports-themed "Just Do It," which is of a piece with "Fighting," a song about, uh, getting up in the morning and hyping yourself up for the day? These boys are here to sing for you! It's cheerful, it's kind of nonsense, it's melodic as all hell, and you really need to view the music video -- a charming set piece of juxtaposed scenarios (bedroom in a Starbucks, greenery-filled roundabout leading to a stock exchange, park bench in an airplane) -- for full effect. Lee Youngji turns in a charmingly husky guest verse, leavening all that chipperness despite being haunted at every turn by the relentlessly upbeat trio of Seungkwan, DK, and Hoshi. The boys turn in solid vocal performances all round with nary a hint of irony -- a vibe I find endlessly charming, though I'll be the first to admit this is an acquired taste for most folks. I have longed for this type of song. As is ever the case with Seventeen, "Fighting" was capably composed by group member Woozi. I think it's telling that in talking about this delightful song, I feel that it's necessary to speak on BTS so much, but such is their pervasive influence on the scene -- though perhaps that's soon to change, since as of today, all seven members of BTS are enlisted in the South Korean military. I had a whole segment here comparing HYBE to Sub Pop here, but I think I'd rather focus on "Fighting," honestly. It's great. It's all the reasons I got in to K-pop in the first place. I find it entertaining that HYBE bought Pledis to shore up their boy group stocks for BTS' enlistments, and ended up releasing this goofy thing. Who's influencing whom? [10]

Micha Cavaseno: Was joking with our beloved Ryo earlier in the week about how a friend might say "LOL why is this K-pop thing emulating this pop song from 10 years ago" to which I rejoined them with "Buddy, this might be them emulating a song that emulated a song that emulated that pop song." "Fighting," for example, feels like my beloved "Girl" by Block-B but long in the tooth; completely understandable given it's made by guys who debuted about a year or so after that aforementioned record dropped. Of course, there's some additions (Lee Youngji doing her confident cool girl Childish Gambino thing, a little bridge melody that accidentally reminds me of "A Little Bit of Luck") but I don't think there's a supreme need to remake the wheel when it comes to power-poppy boyband K-pop. Still, perhaps a few stronger pushes away from the standard bearer would mean I'd be more confident in the "Fighting Spirit." [5]

David Moore: If somehow this was released back in 2011 or 2012 and was my first exposure to K-pop, it would have been as effective an entry point to the music as anything else from that time was. But I've somehow gone from having a handle on K-pop to completely losing the plot to finally being excited by current songs that really wouldn't have made any sense at all during the early 10s crossover heyday. Which is to say that I only know what to do with this song ten years ago -- it's like being given a pop quiz that I probably knew the answers to in high school but now have no inkling how to respond. [6]

Oliver Maier: Broken Social Scene sounds different. [2]

Ian Mathers: Ridiculous. [8]

Michelle Myers: Despite its repetitive structure, "Fighting" is a great track because it achieves the optimal balance of fun and virtuosity. DK and Boo take turns wailing like it's 2012, and music shows still require live vocals. Youngji's agile rapping matches their energy. As for Hoshi, "Fighting" just wouldn't hit without his tenacious sincerity. The song is truly his. [8]

Nortey Dowuona: The piano riffing at the last pre chorus after Lee Youngji's excellent verse ("we're playing the crumpled up life like some down on his luck Beethoven"; great line) sounds so damn good. Shame the rest of the song is some soft rock/pop nothing burger. Woozi, Hoshi, s. Coups and Bumzu all share credit for this song, so which one of them chose to add a flattened drill bassline over the papery drums and added that riff? 'Cuz if they did that of their own volition, they chose to have those "Hey Mickey" facsimile drums take on the whole first verse and first pre chorus and be the bedrock of the main song, which I find baffling since it both isn't as vibrant or distinct. The lush piano motif and synth riff of the chorus are beautiful but they don't hit until that Lee Youngji verse, and the song suddenly sparks to life. But right after that it's back to the chorus, then the song just stops. Very baffling choices, made by 4 people. Hoshi's the dance choreographer, why didn't he redo the drums? Did Park Ki Tae, another composer who plays synthesizer and guitar put that riff in there because it might get thrown out? Sigh. [6]

Katherine St Asaph: Been a while since I've heard a boyband track with honest-to-god Radio Disney energy: competently produced yet still somehow janky, and charming for how unthreatening it is. [5]

Brad Shoup: I'm always wary of anything that sounds like spy music, especially boy-band spy music that's prepping me for austerity. [4]

Crystal Leww: Charming work from BSS and Lee Youngji in a year where boy groups in K-pop really felt like a whole lot of blah, but really feels more suited to a pep rally where everyone's a winner rather than something that actually creates hype. [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: Essentially an update on TROY's "Green Light" but with the hollow theatricality of a Mamamoo song, down to Lee Young Ji channeling her inner Moonbyul. This isn't smooth or silly enough in the way "Left & Right" was, so it lands closer to the miserable optimism of "Happy." They sing like they're being held at gunpoint, forced to smile. [3]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Relentlessly goofy in a good-natured way, like if an hour's worth of educational skits were jammed into three minutes of run. It's janky but it works -- moving through it all with a pace that implies cardio routines helps! [6]

Michael Hong: Corniness is deliberate of course, just not sure it helps their cause that Lee Youngji raps like she just finished helping a Youtuber with a skit. [5]

Alfred Soto: It has spritz, the wobbly synth bass I dig, and a lyric delivered if not with coherence then with clarity. [6]

Kayla Beardslee: I love Seventeen. They've been my most listened-to artist for two years in a row (and are on track for a third); I amnestied a song of theirs last year just because I wanted to have a chance to write about them for the Jukebox; seeing them in concert last September is genuinely one of my most treasured memories. I could write hundreds of words about what makes this song such a triumphant comeback for the gloriously goofy Booseoksoon subunit five years after their first release, and how I love seeing Seventeen return to what they do best, which is take the art of making people smile seriously. I might even delve into the excellent music video and choreo and how they support the motivational themes of the track (what an unlikely accomplishment it is for professional celebrities to pull off an ode to the everyday office worker without being patronizing!) while never sacrificing its fundamental sense of playfulness. There's an almost alchemical balance between levity and purpose in "Fighting" that only the greatest K-pop songs have ever achieved. I could dig into it, into the amount of times I danced along to "Fighting" in my office this year, into the general existence of Hoshi being Hoshi (and Seungkwan being Seungkwan, and DK being DK). But I think it's a testament to the brilliance of this song that my practically infinite thoughts about it can all be summed up in one simple sentence: This pop music shit is supposed to be fun! [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[castielscarma]

So I finally watched the first episode of the Winchesters

And I liked it. I liked it a lot.

I haven't been on here much nor on Twitter in forever because of reasons (writing do I even know her) so I haven't really been spoiled on... anything lol besides the insane notion that Jensen got rights and wanted to do a prequel like two seconds after the finale ended, so when I finally decided to watch it... I liked it. I wasn't really that surprised that I would like it... Jensen is in the seat and he loves Dean so much, and with Robbie being involved. I had more hope than doubt.

How I missed Dean's voice when I heard his narration. He will never leave me and it was so thrilling to hear it in a "new" context. Dean's never looked better. Meg, I already love her as Mary. She definitely captured Mary's spunk. And I love how Mary is just spilling things lol to John after they meet in the cemetery. A nice contrast to how Dean and Sam didn't. I like how they make John nuanced (I mean he is and although I really don't like John as a character at all in Spn) he is just that. I don't doubt that he thinks he loves his children but he has got serious issues and was abusive. You can still claim to love your children and hurt them. And 90% of Spn was related to daddy issues ; ) But it's refreshing to see a nice side to John, a more softer and vulnerable side. Ofc he has been affected by his time in Vietnam but he is still young and hopeful.

John as they enter the MoL crypt: Paranormal freemasons. xD Sure are, John.

All the references to Dean and Supernatural <3 just makes my heart happy.

As they are sitting in the car and John has a flashback to Vietnam and watching his friend die. "No ghosts in the car", Mary says yet John is haunted by the ghosts of his past. And isn't that a thread that will keep being interwoven in the trauma tapestry that will be Dean and Sam's life. Lmao, I dk who Carlos is but I love him. He just showed up and killed it xD I was captivated as soon as he entered the screen. And he's bi! Bless.

When John asks what she wants to do with her life. Mary: Idk, I just wanna live long enough to find out. Ouch.

John's mom wanted to protect him and do anything for him when he was born and said to John one day when you have kids you'll understand. Already there is so much about missing fathers, John wondering where his dad is, and Mary thinking about Samuel and children searching for answers. Saving people hunting things.... Things are the same, things are the same, repeated and cyclical but not. A spiral that expands. I also hope that the imagery of Dean writing in the journal and narrating this story (in a sense his story) has wider implications. As a Chuck won truther and Heaven denier I really hope so. But time will tell. Onwards to episode 2!

[chimivx]

home;run -> fem!reader x mlb!mingyu, mlb!vernon, mlb!dk

College didn't work out, so you're stuck with the next best thing. Living with your superstar brother, traveling with his championship winning team, haunted by your past and heavily influenced by your present.

wc; {part five} 9.3k idk how don't ask me warnings; 18+, sexual content, alcohol consumption/abuse, bad influences around her, manipulation, her name gets taken advantage of in public media, if i missed anything please let me know!! notes; peese n lurv. <3

“I can’t deal with you straight people,” Ryujin muttered between bites of her lunch.

Glaring down at your phone screen, you grit your teeth. “Excuse me?”

She was focused elsewhere, at her desk in the room you used to share. Flipping the page in a textbook, she shoveled chips into her mouth and spared you a glance. “My bad,” she laughed. “You people who like dicks.” She put her eyes back on her pages and you put yours on the bathroom mirror. In your own room for the first time in two weeks, you were doing your makeup, preparing yourself to go to the field. There was an actual game today, the boys were playing the Bulls, the team they lost the World Series to last season. “You and Aurora both,” Ryujin shook her head. “Stop being stupid.”

With the flick of your mascara wand you scoffed. “What happened with Aurora?”

“She thought Yunho got her pregnant,” Ryujin roared, leaning toward her phone at the same time as you, your wide eyes making her laugh. “I’m serious! And that’ll be you if you don’t stop doing what you’re doing.”

Releasing a breath you glued your eyes back on the mirror. Sitting on the cold counter with your makeup a mess all around you, you swapped mascara for brow gel and fixed them up. “I was drunk the first time, I didn’t know what I was agreeing to,” you mumbled. “And, now, it’s like he’s trying to make it happen.”

Ryujin curled her lip. “Gross,” she whispered. “You’ve only been together like, what, two weeks, right?”

“Yeah, but,” you started, voice trailing off as you finished your brows. Snapping the tube shut, you twisted it vigorously, looking down at her. “If you count the month before this one, and then the few months three years ago, and then the few months a few years before that…”

“It doesn’t count,” she said, scanning her book, or trying to. “Your relationship wasn’t official, you’ve been together two weeks and the man is trying to purposely impregnate you. Why?” When she lifted her eyes, you pouted. “Isla,” she said, twisting in her chair to face her camera.

Voice quiet, you shrugged. “I told him.”

“About?”

“Vernon,” you whispered, looking down at your hands in your lap fiddling with the tube of clear brow gel. “He asked me that night, when I first called you. I told you what happened at dinner and after, right?” She nodded, gaze laser focused. “He asked me one more time, when I wasn’t drinking, and I was honest with him, I told him I thought I loved him.”

“Thought,” she sneered. “Oh god, Isla, what the fuck am I going to do with you?”

Tossing your hands out to the side the tube of gel went flying across the bathroom tile. “What was I supposed to say to him? That I still do? That having to watch Vernon play everyday makes it worse, makes it harder to ignore?”

Ryujin blinked. “Yes!”

“How!”

She pushed her bangs from her forehead and picked up her phone, sitting backward in her chair. “You be honest with him. It’s not fair for you to have feelings for someone else while you’re dating him, it doesn’t matter who he is. I guarantee you he’ll have another girlfriend in a few weeks if you break things off with him.”

“Ouch,” you mumbled, and she shot you a look. “I’m just saying!” Twirling on the counter you jumped off of it, taking yourself into your room to change. “It’s still Mingyu, Rio. He was the first boy to ever treat me like I wasn’t someone’s little sister.” Propping the phone up against the television, you dropped to your knees to throw open one of your suitcases.

“What if that’s why he wants you though?” Ryujin questioned, the words sending a chill over your skin.

“Don’t even say that,” you said, pulling out different tanks and crop tops from the piles in your luggage. “That would suck ass.”

“Just makes me think,” she continued, “Like, he’s always chasing you when you’re around, right? What did he do when you weren’t?” He serial dated other girls and broke things off with them before things went too far, a fact you both knew. “Exactly.”

“But, he’s in it when I’m here,” you said, attempting any counteraction to her words that didn’t make you feel fantastic. Standing up you stripped out of your sleep clothes and situated your outfit for the day. Ryujin disappeared from the screen until you were finished. “Like, really in it.”

“Yeah, and he’s still in you right now,” she said.

“Stop!” you whined, buttoning your baggy jeans.

“Isla,” Ryujin spoke with caution, appearing on the screen as you snatched the phone up. “You want Vernon. You always have. Before you even knew it, you wanted him.”

“He doesn’t want me,” you said quietly, a frown pulling at your glossed lips.

“Because he’s a good guy,” she said. “He’s not going to put himself between you and Mingyu, he’s gonna let you do what you want to do, and not for nothing, you hurt him pretty bad.”

“I know, you don’t have to keep saying it,” you whispered.

Ryujin took a deep breath, pressing her lips together. “I think whatever you did to him before he left is the reason he got called up.”

As much as you wanted to laugh, the thought of you and Vernon in the Nasara locker room together shoved a knife into your gut. “He did it himself,” you said. “They were planning it the whole time, DK told me.”

She nodded, a tiny smile on her lips. “Sure.” 

“He hasn’t tried to talk to me since that night,” you said, slipping into your shoes.

“Have you tried to talk to him since that night?” she asked.

The look you gave her made her laugh. “I can only… sit and watch him play. He won’t talk to me if I try, he basically told me to leave him alone anyways. Besides… if I try, it’s too scary.” Just the thought of walking up to him, even to say hi, it filled you with nerves. “So, I sit in the stands like I’m in high school and watch him play baseball while my boyfriend thinks I’m watching him.”

“I’m gonna need you to repeat that one to yourself again and again until it clicks, Jagi,” she said. Sitting forward, she messed with things on her desk and put the phone down, trying to get back into her work. “Try to enjoy the game, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, starting for the door.

“And, maybe,” she started, grabbing the phone one last time, “Maybe don’t go out and drink tonight? Spend time with your brother? Don’t let Mingyu take you anywhere.”

“Okay,” you whispered, stepping out into the hall after slinging your bag onto your elbow. “I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye,” she smiled. Then, right as you were both about to hang up, she shouted, “Condoms! Use them!” And you both hit the red button in fits of giggles.

People packed the field in thousands. For the first game of the spring training season, the Lions were against the very team who knocked them out of the playoffs, the two teams coming together for the first time since. Fueling your variety of nerves, the rivals against one another, seeing Vernon in the flesh, dealing with Mingyu, all those aside, the very thing eating you alive is the fact that Vernon is the only new player on the team. Brand new to the Lions, the big leagues, the MLB, a lot of pressure sat on this game, on him, even if all the eyes will be on the guys that lost it all.

Along the ride to the stadium you swiped in and out of your messages thread with him. The ‘v<3’ taunted you. Through the screen, messages from months ago, they kept you connected, the force or something, whatever it was they talked about in those Star Wars movies he liked to watch. He was anxious. He usually is before a game. No doubt this one would be worse than all others that have come before it.

Thumbs locked over the keyboard, the grey of his message sent in December staring at you, you sucked in a quick breath and held it as you typed. You typed fast, you wanted to close your eyes. Clenching your jaw you gulped and tapped the arrow, sending the message to him, letting the ‘remember to breathe’ get lost in the back of your worries as you stepped onto the concourse of the stadium buzzing with life. Different versions of Lions jerseys filled the space, raiding concessions, gathering water, buying more merchandise, especially the special edition spring training t-shirts. 

On your way through the crowds, thankfully with little people spotting you, at least a hundred Lee Dokyeom jerseys caught your eye, the big red number 38 below his name making you smile. It’d been his number since he started the sport, that same number belonged to your dad. DK swore he’d hold onto it forever, he was lucky when the Lions let him have it after the trade, 38 belonged to one of their veteran players who still came back regularly to visit the team. Your brother has met him before, the tension over the number being taken dissipated within seconds of them shaking hands, the man with greying hair letting the world know he was honored to have such a phenomenal, humble player take over his legacy.

Sincere, kind words your father wouldn’t even spout about his own son.

You wanted to hug every single person in the stadium wearing it.

Where there were red, exciting Lions jerseys, there were grey and blue striped Bulls jerseys, the colors themselves drab and dreadful. Ugliest blue in the league. Unfortunate that both teams were legends in the league, the turnout was a solid fifty fifty. To make matters worse, Bulls fans were assholes, and not in the cool way. Disrespectful, foul-mouthed, and trashy.

The man with the sunglasses and beer belly poking out of his Mark Lee jersey shouting, “Dirty drunk!,” as you passed by him and his family, who you assumed was his wife and two daughters, he proved your point. Trained to keep outside comments out, you did what you did best, held up a middle finger without turning around or giving him the time of day. He turned little heads, and the ones he did were of Lions fans who caught wind of you and were quick to come to your defense. His senseless grumbles of, “The team slut,” and, “Gold digger,” were lost on you.

You hoped.

Rounding more lines and exciting chatter, a young girl with big blue eyes grabbed you by the wrist, stopping your brisk walk toward the first base line. She had to have been about twelve or thirteen, the top of her head came up to your shoulder, her frizzy brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. Smiling, flashing her pink braces, she took a shaky breath.

“It is you,” she breathed, glancing to her left like she was looking for someone. “Moon Isla, right?” Her smile grew wider when you nodded.

“Yeah, that’s me,” you said. Taking her in, a whopping four feet and eight inches tall, you smiled with her. 

“I knew it,” she nearly whispered, whipping her head side to side. “Mom?” she called out, waving frantically to a woman in a Lions jersey and jean shorts. The woman, just as tall as you, hurried to her side, glancing between you and her daughter. “It is her, I told you.”

“Oh my,” the woman sighed, giving you a once over. For a moment your stomach went sour, but then she opened her mouth. “She adores you,” she said, wrapping an arm around her daughter's shoulder. “DK is her favorite player. He was her dad’s favorite, he’s deployed right now,” the two shared a look, “We plan to come to as many games as we can, for him.”

“That’s amazing,” you said, folding your hands over your front. “What are your names?”

“Diana,” the girl was quick to call out, clasping her hands together with a bounce of her knees.

Chuckling, the woman extended a hand. “Lucia,” she said, shaking your hand gently. “She really does adore you, she’s always showing me what you wear when you post, she tries to make whatever coffee you share, the makeup you use…”

“Mom,” Diana said from behind her teeth, her eyes flickering at you.

Lucia tipped her head backward with a click of her tongue. “You inspire her. You and your brother, you’re both positive influences, I hope you know that.” Now your stomach flipped. It came out of her so easily, the lie, the words she seemed to believe. “Would you mind if she took a photo with you?”

Swallowing hard, you shook your head and forced a smile on your face. “Not at all, sure, let’s do it,” you half laughed, taking an arm around Diana’s back, the girl trying to stretch hers around your shoulder. 

You inspire her.

Positive influence.

Stuck on the things she said, Lucia, the mom of this young girl, Diana, only thirteen years old confirmed by the Instagram bio on her profile that popped up when she typed in her username for you. Sharing more with her, or rather, letting her talk to you, about her life, about school, about her friend drama, you did your best to give her advice you’ve heard from Ryujin and tapped the Follow button, positively making this little girl's day.

This thirteen year old who followed you, who was influenced by you and what you posted. Everything you’ve posted since you were her age flashed through your mind like a nightmare of a slideshow you were forced to watch, one you couldn’t stop. The amount of drunk stories you’ve posted, the language you used online, some of the outfits you’ve chosen to wear since that very young age because who cared, certainly not your mother or your father. Back at Nasara, the numerous times you posted videos of you and Ryujin dancing at the ATZ house before you swallowed each other's tongues on Instagram live. Many posts on your feed weren’t the greatest either. Grouped together with selfies and photo dumps were many questionable photos.

This girl had seen most of it, if not all of it.

“Keep being you,” Lucia said to you, laying a hand on your shoulder after her daughter squealed at her phone and tapped away. “Thank you.”

“Course.” Your voice was trapped in your throat. “Thank you. Enjoy the game.” With another smile she took her daughter in her arms and started to usher her away, the girl's nose lost in her phone. “Wait, Lucia,” you called out just as she turned around. Rushing to her side, Diana looking up at you with stars in her eyes, you asked, “Where are you sitting?”

“Oh, we’re up in the four hundreds,” she said. “All of these games are like sold out, it happened so fast.” 

Glancing from Diana to Lucia, you said, “Go to section one-oh-eight.” Lucia’s brows furrowed, Diana's eyes shot open wide. “I’m gonna make a phone call, go there, tell them your names and that DK only eats yellow starburst before every game. They’ll put you in the first row.”

“Oh my god,” Lucia gasped, throwing her arms around your back.

“He does?” Diana’s face screwed up as she watched you two.

“Thank you, thank you,” Lucia whispered, her hug easing a few cracks within you from somewhere you ignored. “It’s been so hard, I fought to get these tickets, oh my god, thank you, Isla.”

When she pulled away she placed a hand to your cheek, then the two were off and you pulled out your phone to do as you promised. Giving a call to one of your brother's security members, the one who monitored from the stands behind home plate, you let him know of Lucia and Diana’s arrival, leaving the rest up to him. The two would have a perfect view of DK on the mound from those seats.

Before slipping your phone back into your pocket you glanced at your messages.

Unread.

Maybe even unopened.

Possibly deleted.

At least you weren’t blocked.

Down on the field the people were equally as lively as the crowds filling the stands. News cameras, photographers, reporters, tons of familiar yet never before seen people rushing about the green grass and the dirt trying to get a moment with any of the players. Music played throughout the stadium, remixes of pop songs old and new keeping the good vibes in check.

Weaving through men in suits and women in high heels, hoping to avoid any and all interaction with every single one of them, you finally reached the dugout and ducked into it, flying down the stairs. 

“Moonie,” Woozi sang. Adjusting the buttons on his jersey, he held up a hand for you to slap.

“Hey,” you breathed, glancing around, finding his girlfriend with Joshua and Seungkwan. The three were talking, looking out onto the field at the massive amounts of people waiting for them. “Oh, good, thought I’d be the only girlfriend here.”

Woozi raised a brow, beginning to strap on his gear. “Half of our starting line is up on the other side of the field, with their wives,” he propped a leg up on the bench to fasten the gear around his shins. “Your boyfriend included.”

“Great,” you said, crossing your arms. Poking out your bottom lip you bobbed your head and looked out onto the field. 

Woozi laughed within a breath, switching his legs around. “You not gonna go find him?”

“Nah,” you said way too fast.

When he had both feet on the ground he reached for an arm guard and faced you entirely. “Why not?”

“Because,” you shrugged. Your brother's laugh rang from the opposite end of the dugout, your ears perking up at the sound of the contagious song. “I’m gonna go find DK,” you mumbled.

“Moonie,” Woozi stopped you before you wandered too far. “Everything okay?”

A vague question that deserved a vague answer. Having known Woozi for years, one of your brother's closest friends, anything said to him would go straight back to DK, even if you asked him not to say anything. Jihoon was Big Brother 2.0 in a sense, and though you were grateful for the dual lookout over you, he was DK’s secret agent.

“I’m fine,” you said, apparently unconvincingly with how his brows shifted. “I promise.”

Strapping the rest of his gear on, he walked in front of you, a tight smile on his lips. “I’ve known you since you were sixteen,” he said with a nod of his head, “You can’t lie.” Folding your arms over your chest, you clenched your jaw and took a breath. “Least not to me, you should know that,” he laughed. Tilting his head, the wispy strands of his black hair dancing over his forehead, he pursed his lips before he asked, “Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” you whispered, shaking your head once. Tightening your fingers on your biceps he didn’t let it go unnoticed. “I’m fine, it’s all fine.”

Giving you a once over, releasing a sigh, he nodded his acceptance. “Okay. You know if you need anything, I”m here. You don’t just have Seokmin to rely on, okay?”

You answered him with a quick nod and the smallest smile, leaving him to finish preparing for the game before he joined his curvy girlfriend and his friends admiring the field. Taking yourself through the dugout, arms still tight over your chest, you breeze past the bench a level higher and closer to the field where several players sat in their jerseys, so uniform, so clean. Heads of wavy hair, mostly short now that the season was just starting, sat in a line, kicked back on the finished wood with their hats in their laps. By September their hair would be flowing, unmanageable curls, the baseball flow.

At the end of the bench, sat up straight, his legs stretched out in front of him, was your favorite head of curls. Loose brown waves that’d grow tighter as the months passed now that he promised off his haircut. Behind him, down on your level, stood your brother grinning a mile wide as he spoke with a man in all black. To talk to your brother meant you’d have to place yourself directly behind Vernon and the soft smile he wore while he listened to his teammates talk.

“Isla!”

Tearing your eyes away from the boy a foot or so above where you walked, you shot a wide eyed look at your brother. So much for trying to go into this incognito. Glancing up at Vernon, he didn’t look at you, but his smile vanished.

“Hey, Deeks,” you spoke quietly, trying to keep your conversation between you and your brother.

“I didn’t think you’d come down here,” he said, waving goodbye to the man he previously spoke with.

“I’m not here with anybody, so…”

“Right,” DK sighed, then caught himself, throwing up his hands, “Wait, wait, I didn’t mean it like that.”

You smiled and shrugged, shaking your head. “It’s okay,” you whispered, sneaking a glance to your right. He hadn’t moved.

“I’m telling you, put Ryujin on a flight.” Stepping closer, he laid a hand on your shoulder. “Or, I’ll have someone book it. I’m so glad you’re talking to her again.”

Your fingertips pressed into your biceps again. “She’s got… school,” you muttered.

DK curled his lip. “She’s got life to live,” he said, and you smiled. “I’ve heard you talk about her before. Get her on a plane, Jagi.” Adjusting the cap on his head, he returned the smile and squeezed your shoulder. Just as he was about to walk away, jog up the stairs, and leave you for work, you latched onto his hand and pulled him closer to you. From your hands to your eyes his wide gaze traveled. “You… okay.” His quick acceptance and attention made you laugh.

“What are your plans later?”

DK opened his mouth and closed it twice, looking all over you for the butt of the joke. “Me?” He shook his head. “Mine?”

“Yes,” you whispered.

He glanced over your shoulder toward Woozi and his friends. “Uh, we’re going to go down Festa Street, there’s a… place that does Throwback Thursdays, we wanted to check it out.”

“Can I come with you?”

Holding his breath, he waited a second for a rebuttal. “Of course,” he sighed, giving your hand a squeeze. “I know I shouldn’t, uh, question why, but… You really want to come hang out with me and my friends?” 

The thought of doing anything else nauseated you.

“I do,” you said, and it deepened his smile. Like Woozi, that thing flashed in his eyes. He knew why you were asking. There was another question lingering closeby, a name hidden behind his teeth, one that forced you to mumble, “No.” He left it alone.

The name came bouncing down the dugout stairs anyhow, Hoshi and Minghao behind him with their wives on their hips, the girls dressed like they were worth millions of dollars. 

“There she is,” Mingyu called out, his arms spread open. Throwing them around you your hand fell out of DK’s grip, your brother taking a step backward. Pressing kisses to your cheek, Mingyu rocked you side to side. “Knew you wouldn’t miss my first game.” Grabbing onto his arms, you tried to put some space between you, maneuvering your head around to say hi to the other four.

DK had his eyes glued to Mingyu, a polite smile on his lips barely reaching his eyes. “I’ll see you tonight,” he said to you, somehow avoiding the way you begged him with your eyes to get you out of this. 

You knew what he’d say, he could do so without actually saying it. You did this yourself. In the nicest, most DK way possible, he’d tell you that you did this yourself.

“What?” Mingyu sighed, pulling away from you, turning you by your shoulders to face him. His bright smile faded, and DK disappeared up the stairs. “What’s he mean tonight?”

Placing your hands over his, you said, “I’m gonna go out with him and his friends.”

“Tonight?” he asked, tone growing snarky.

“Yes.”

Throwing his eyes around him for a moment, he huffed a laugh and narrowed his gaze. “It’s the night of our first game, we’re celebrating, you don’t wanna come with me? Hoshi and Hao are ready to buy out Cheers.”

They’d fallen in love with that bar. Head over heels, all four of them. Other players would come and go each night, if you could remember, but Mingyu, Hoshi, Minghao… That became their spot. Over these last two weeks Cheers had started promoting their appearance, using their names to draw a crowd which packed the place more than it should be.

“I know,” you said, still aiming to speak above a whisper. “And, it sounds like so much fun, I always have fun there with you guys, but I haven’t seen DK in, like, two weeks.”

“He’s your brother, you can see him anytime you want,” he grumbled, brows falling over his eyes. Just as expected.

Pulling his hands off of you, you cradled them. “You steal me away,” you attempted a joke. He didn’t find it funny. “One night with DK. Please?”

A sigh fell from him as he tipped his chin back. “Better find you in my room when you come back.”

A booming voice sounded over the speakers, filling the entire stadium with cheers and shouts as the sportscaster announced the starting lineups for each team. DK had his name called first and chills rolled down your spine. Every person in the place with a viable voice made some sort of noise. You couldn’t help the smile that lit up your face.

That would never get old.

Mingyu squished your cheeks together and pulled you in for a kiss. “Are you behind home?”

“No,” you said, and he frowned. “I gave my tickets to a mom and a daughter I met on the way down here. They’re huge DK fans, and I think life hasn’t been nice to them recently. Think I’ll go to the suite with Daya and Halle.”

A grin broke onto his lips. “Perfect,” he whispered, kissing you once more before he let you go to follow the girls out of the dugout, onto the field, and up into the stands.

A drink sat on the table in front of you, the melted ice leaving a puddle in its wake as you took the straw between your lips. Seated in a booth against a wall, DK sat beside you, leaning over the glossed chestnut wood to talk to Woozi at the end of the table on your other side. His girlfriend Melody sat across from you, their hands intertwined on top of the table. Her long, sleek black hair fell down her back over her denim jacket with the number 22 patched onto the front pocket. A lot of the girls had niche clothes like this, their boy's numbers or their names stitched or plastered onto it somehow. 

You stuck to the normal merch, cutting it with the help of one of your stylists back home, having her stitch the pieces together to create something that seemed original. The numbers of your brother or your boyfriend never made it onto the pieces, but you did own several DK jerseys, snatching up every version created since he played for the Cyclones. 

Once upon a time you dreamed of wearing a boyfriend's number like the other girls. Ever since you were a teenager, seeing Jihyo wear Jun’s number and his name, small businesses creating and gifting her original pieces with their family name on it, commemorating Jun and his legacy, you wanted it too. 

But, not in the WAG way.

Never in the WAG way.

Sitting here at the table, staring at the red 22 and their hands together, you weren’t really sure in what way you meant. Lifting your chin, meeting her dark eyes, you leaned forward onto your elbows and asked, “Melody, what do you do?” The conversation amongst the guys silenced. This girl was fairly new. Woozi dated here and there throughout your years of knowing him, but since your years at Nasara, Melody had been somewhat of a secret. DK told you in confidence one night on his living room couch, the two of you buried in big blankets watching movies, Woozi wanted to marry her.

Three years together, having only shown her face to the public in the last few months, they were in it for the long haul. This season will be a test, DK told you. Melody, a quieter personality, she wasn’t used to attention like this in the slightest. If they made it through the summer he was going to ask her to be his wife.

“I’m a casting director,” she said with a smile. Her porcelain skin complimented her darker features beautifully. She glanced at Woozi with a shy shrug. “Well, aspiring, I guess.”

He drug his thumb over the back of her hand and nodded. “And you’re doing a great job,” he said to her. 

Looking back at you, blush evident on her cheeks, she said, “Right now I’m the assistant to a casting director of a… pretty big company,” she chose her words carefully, darting her eyes between you and DK who listened to her talk with a small smile. There were things she couldn’t reveal, you caught on quick, but your brother definitely knew the hidden facts. “We’re gearing up to start a project real soon, so this is like a vacation for me.”

Tilting your head, you studied her, sharing a look with the pretty girl where she told you exactly what you wanted to find out. Whipping your head around, wide eyed as you looked at your brother, he laughed and slapped a hand to your shoulder.

“Yes,” he laughed through his words. “Exactly what you’re thinking, yes.” Facing the couple, he said, “She doesn’t keep up with our mom so much right now-”

“As if you do,” you sneered, cutting him off.

DK shot you a look. “I do when my friends start to work for her.”

Woozi and Melody smiled at one another, letting you siblings bicker in peace.

“And the last time you called her? Was when?”

DK rolled his eyes. “Whatever, she can call me too, yanno.”

There was a subtle shift in energy, one you both felt and ignored, but acknowledged. The, the phone works both ways, argument.

You faced Melody who waited with patience. “That’s so cool,” you said, sipping your drink. “Do you love it? Your job?”

“I do,” she said. Jihoon looked over her with pride, a sort of proudness for his girlfriend, his successful, hardworking girlfriend who had a name for herself elsewhere instead of just being someone's girlfriend. Some baseball players girlfriend. “Took me years to get here. I’m still not where I want to be, but I’m willing to pay my dues. Any experience is good experience, and I want it all.”

DK glanced at you, one you didn’t return.

“How do you… How do you balance… this?” Gesturing toward their hands, you held DK in your peripheral praying to a god you weren’t sure you believed in that he would keep his mouth shut. 

The couple shared something between them, their grip on one another tightening.

“Patience,” Melody said.

“Understanding,” Woozi smiled, making her smile.

“Communication,” Melody whispered.

Your cheeks warmed, their love radiated louder the longer they stared at each other. 

“Some days it’s a lot of work,” Woozi said, looking at you, and you wondered if he could read your mind. “When you both want it, it’s worth it.”

“There’s definitely hard days, weeks even, but- Oh, trust,” she said, looking amongst you all, “Forgot to add that in there, too. That one’s huge. When he gets on the road and I’m at home stuck in my office, or if I’m on trips and he’s in the middle of the off season…”

The idea of your parents popped into your mind while she spoke. Your mother, home and glued to her books or her editor or her publishing company, your father, on the road, out and about with his team and other women. Scandals were endless, your father on the front page with a girl that wasn’t your mother on his hip each time he played a series in another part of the country. It wasn’t all his fault though, your mother’s editor spent a lot of time at your house, spending time with you and DK barely old enough to realize what was going on. He’d spend nights there, he’d cook for you, he’d take you and your brother in the pool if your mother was stuck behind one of her screens.

Now that your father was retired and your mothers career was set in legendary status, the two were inseparable, as if nothing had ever happened, leaving you and DK to pick up the brunt of the messes they’ve made. Every now and again the media caught you with questions regarding their past, of whether or not they were going to stay married, if they worked through their problems, if you and DK shared a father. It was all a mess, and as long as you live you’ll never forgive them for leaving you and DK to pick up the pieces. Neither of them addressed the questions, nor the way their children were harassed by the public regarding their relationship and their past.

It’s why you took up the surname Moon, just to fuck with them. Questions of why, something you’ll never entertain.

With Woozi and Melody at this table, talking to each other with such care, such understanding, it warmed your heart. It reminded you that real, genuine love existed. 

You peeked over at a table not far from yours. Seungkwan and Joshua sat with a few bench players, but across from the blonde, leaning over the table with a smile on his face was Vernon. He made player of the game, the Lions social media blew his face up as soon as the game was over, and all throughout each inning they posted his highlights. The game had been crazy, like he’d been a part of the team all along, his chemistry mixing right in with everyone else's.

He deserved the praise, the attention, even though you knew he wouldn’t accept it, even if it looked like he was. Today had been enough to fuel someone's ego for life, set a standard for them for the years to come, but not Vernon. If it had been anyone else, like it had been in the past, you’d never hear the end of it, and come to think of it, you don’t.

His follower count grew in record time. The Lions fans welcomed him in with loving arms. Sure enough, maybe even by tomorrow, the stands would be full of jerseys with his name on it.

DK slid an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. “Go talk to him,” he whispered, and you shivered.

“Are you kidding me?” You laughed and looked down at the table. Grabbing your drink, you sucked it down faster, your brother watching.

“What’s the worst that can happen?”

You nearly choked on the liquor going down your throat. “He could ignore me, and embarrass me in front of your friends.”

DK glanced at that table. “Kwan and Shua are your friends too, just so you know.”

“Whatever,” you muttered, sliding the glass over the table. “I’m gonna go to the bar, does anybody want anything?”

“We’re good,” Woozi said, exchanging glances with Melody. Your brother pressed his lips together as you stood up, smoothing your hands over your jeans.

“Anything?” you asked, tone short.

He smiled. “No thanks,” he said with a head shake. “Come back, okay?”

Stepping away, you nodded at him without verbally expressing anything. Seungkwan looked up as you passed by their table. He glanced at DK and slid out of his seat, hurrying over for your brother, jumping into the spot you left vacant.

Pulling your phone from your pocket to distract yourself as you weaved through the people crowding the tight space, a groan leaked from your lips without you even knowing. Your screen was lit up with several notifications, none of which you wanted.

[thirteen<3]: I miss you already

[thirteen<3]: Daya and Hoshi keep buying rounds of tequila shots, do I keep going or are you coming here?

[thirteen<3]: Damn I don’t get to see you and you won’t answer me either

[thirteen<3]: what did I do to deserve this???

[thirteen<3]: Kidding btw, I just miss you.

There were several stories posted from the game today, Vernon’s name in nearly every headline taunting you. Scrolling through a couple as you hopped onto a barstool, you screenshotted the ones that threatened to make you smile. Ones you wanted to save. Ones you wanted to send to him even though he’d probably already seen them.

[thirteen<3]: You read my messages, I know your there

Taking a deep breath, you ordered a cocktail from the woman behind the bar and typed away.

[you:] I’m here. Are you having fun?

[thirteen<3]: Would be if you were here

[thirteen<3]: Daya keeps requesting awful songs

[you]: Where’s Hoshi?

Thanking the woman as she placed the glass in front of you with a smile, you brought the straw to your lips and let the sweetness coat your tongue.

[thirteen<3]: He’s here somewhere, i dont know

[thirteen<3]: He doesnt like to dance

[you]: Who are you dancing with

[thirteen<3]: Daya!!

You pushed a laugh through your nose, drinking from your straw even faster. Bubbles appeared and disappeared several times, and then a photo popped up. In the middle of a crowded dance floor, the one in Cheers, Mingyu held the phone up over his head giving you a near birds eye view of just how close he and Daya were on the dance floor together. She smiled up at the camera, her eyes closed, her white teeth shining. With both hands she flipped the bird while Mingyu pulled his infamous lip curl, one eye closed with a peace sign.

Unsure whether or not she was stupid, or just didn’t care what she was doing, you gave the photo a heart, then locked your phone and shoved it back into your pocket. 

“Another?” the woman asked, appearing in front of you with her cute customer service smile. Nodding, you pushed your glass closer to her.

“Please,” you mumbled.

He could dance with Daya, that was fine. They could unknowingly flirt with one another, sure. If Daya was doing what you thought she was doing, something would happen tonight, while you weren’t there.

It all clicked at once.

“You Isla?” a man asked from behind you, placing himself at your side. Giving him a look, tanned skin and a Lions hat, you nodded. “I thought so, you’re DK’s sister, right?”

“It is her?” Another voice made itself known to your left, wedging between the barstools to lean against the bar. Both men reeked of booze, their words stumbling together as they spoke. “Shit, I didn’t think we’d ever find you.”

“You were looking for me?” you questioned, thanking the bartender with a smile as she brought you another drink. Taking it from the bar quickly you placed your hand over the top and the straw between your fingers. 

The man to your right laughed. “Not looking, but like, we thought we wouldn’t run into you, at least alone.”

You lowered your brows, willing away your own intoxication. “Alone?”

“Without Mingyu,” the man on your left blurted out.

Looking between the two of them, the way they learned on the bar, the way they stared at you, you made a face. “My brother is here, so is half of his team, I’m not alone.”

The one in the hat glanced around you obnoxiously with a smirk. “You look pretty alone to me.”

“What do you want?” You grit your teeth, and he bit his lip. 

“Just wanna talk to you,” he said, sharing a look with his friend whose laugh chilled your spine. “Can we buy you a drink? Not much you don’t like, want us to surprise you?”

Usually, in situations like this one, you could handle yourself, but the vibe these two gave off, it was one you did not like. You brought your straw to your lips and shook your head. “I’m good. Thanks.” 

The one in the hat groaned, tapping your arm with his elbow. He was clearly the leader of this operation. “Come on, just one, we want to. We’re big fans, we don’t want anything weird, I promise.” 

“Promise,” his friend to your left reiterated, attempting a reassuring nod of his head. “We just wanna show our appreciation.”

You raised a brow. “For?” He gestured to you, all of you, head to toe, then added the rest of the team quickly. “Okay,” you said, sighing harshly. “One drink.”

One led to five fast.

Before you knew it you were laughing with them, knocking back shots other guys bought for you. You acquired a following, shadows hanging around you looking for your attention. The one in the hat, the first one to approach you, he got comfortable, feeling some sort of seniority for finding you first. His arm ended up around you at some point as guy after guy came up to you shamelessly flirting, saying things you couldn’t quite comprehend, but knew you wouldn’t like if you were sober.

“You want me to tell ‘em all to leave?” the man in the hat whispered in your ear, his arm around you while another guy stood in front of you. Blinking, everything dizzy, you looked up at him, eyebrows squeezing together in the center of your forehead.

“And, what?” you asked, squinting. “Leave me here with who, you?”

A laugh pushed through his lips, his gaze scattering elsewhere. “I mean, they’re not bothering you?”

Taking your time, you looked over every single one of them, their heads tipped up, nonsense spewing from their lips. One big competition of who could be the loudest, the most obnoxious. Not one compared to a single guy on your brother's baseball team, they were all trashy Haos tourists.

You looked up at Hat Man. “I’d definitely prefer it if you were all women.”

“Oh shit,” his eyes lit up, “You’re into that?”

You finished the drink in your hand and placed it on the bar. “It’s not a kink.”

“It is for me,” he smirked and you cringed.

“Leave,” you almost shouted, trying to stand up. His arm around you kept you on the stool.

“No, wait, wait,” his laugh made your skin crawl. “I didn’t mean it like that, I mean it’s cool if you’re, you know, bi, or whatever, right? That’s what you are?” You tried to stand again, but he moved in front of you, your knees pressing to his thighs. “It’s okay, I’m sure there’s a girl in here somewhere, want me to look?”

Tapping his chest with a finger in a weak attempt to move him, you looked up at him in utter disgust. “She’d be more likely to agree to me, with me. And we’d leave you, because you are not it.”

His face fell, an anger replacing anything else he was feeling. “What the fuck?” he muttered, his grip tightening on your shoulders. “This whole time I thought you were feeling this,” he said. You shook your head. “You fucking bitch,” he snickered, giving you a slight shake. Fear sparked within you, your eyes going wide. “That’s what you are, you know that right? I’m over here acting all nice, but you really are what they say you are. A fucking bitch.”

“Take your fucking hands off of her.”

The voice, one full of rage that made it so deep, it brought tears to your eyes.

The man in the hat laughed aloud, pulled back, turned around and withheld his gasp, but the way his eyes widened expressed his shock. His face, patient, completely straight, stared back at him, angrier than you’ve ever seen him. Tearing his eyes off the man, he looked at you and the tears slipped down your cheeks.

“She belong to you?” the man asked, venom in his voice, trying to regain any sort of traction, any sort of fight. “You know what she’s been over here doing?”

Vernon ignored him. Keeping his eyes on you he wrapped an arm around your back and helped you off the stool, catching you as you stumbled into his hold. Nerves infected your veins, this close to him, looking up at him, feeling him, touching him, smelling him, all of it. He was the same as he’s ever been, as comforting as he’s been since the first day you met him. And he held you the same, muscle memory. 

“Let’s go,” he said to you, pushing the guy out of the way, reaching up to knock the Lions hat off of his head before he pushed by anyone else.

“She’s a slut, new kid!” he shouted after the two of you. “Nothing but a bitch!”

“Don’t listen to him,” Vernon muttered, guiding you through the bar, through the crowds to the door. Pushing it open to more crowds, new crowds to gawk at you, he walked you over to a black car and placed you by the passenger door. Pulling it open, he moved you inside with a light tap to your back. Flashes lit up from the tables and people by the door to the bar behind you, flashes he sighed at. You turned to look, but his hand on his shoulder aided in gently putting you in the car. “Don’t,” he whispered, “Leave them alone.”

He pushed the door shut once you were seated, the car brand new, smelling fresh and like leather. It was way smaller than anything your brother owned, but it was clean, and definitely expensive. Laying your head back on the headrest, your world spun, forcing you to take deep breaths into your stomach. Wiping your eyes, your cheeks, you looked out the windows for Vernon. On the phone he wandered around the front of the car, glancing at you occasionally, his mouth moving a mile a minute.

Your heart sunk into your gut. He looked good. Different, but good. Instead of a t-shirt he wore a black button down, half of it tucked into his black jeans that hugged his thighs. A leather belt strapped around his waist complimented the same chain that hung around his neck, one you remembered once brushed over your nose. That night in the locker room, the only night you ever shared with him. It was enough to ruin you entirely, nothing would ever be as satisfying, as fulfilling. 

He got into the driver's seat, his phone dropping into his lap with the release of a breath. Looking at you once, he pulled his door shut and laid his head backward. “Don’t look at me like that,” he said.

“Yeah,” you whispered, half conscious of what was coming out of your mouth. Pulling your feet up on the seats, you wrapped your arms around your knees and focused forward through the tinted windshield. “Sorry.”

Silence surrounded you. A sound that once went unnoticed between you, something that didn’t need to be addressed, something you both understood. It held a different semblance now, full of questions unanswered, feelings unknown.

You didn’t want to, but you cried. Since you saw his face, you couldn’t stop.

“Isla, you’re okay,” he said, frozen where he sat. “Those guys were assholes, you know that. When have you ever let a guy get to you like this?”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, pressing your hands to your cheeks. Sucking in a breath, you shook your head. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He turned his head, a look you couldn’t reciprocate.

“Why?”

“You always have to take care of me,” you gasped, burying your face in your hands. “I’m sorry.” You wondered if he knew half of your apologies were aimed at September. And, December. And, two weeks ago.

He took a breath. “I wasn’t gonna leave you with those assholes.”

“But, you hate me,” you whispered, and he moved himself around entirely, facing you where he sat.

“When did I ever say that?” Taking your hands away, you found him looking at you like you had grown a second head. “Who told you that?”

“No one,” you said. “It was… implied.”

Vernon shut his eyes for a few seconds. “Isla, I don’t hate you.”

“You don’t talk to me,” you whispered. “You don’t want to talk to me, you don’t want anything to do with me.” Opening his eyes, the look on his face hurt your heart. “You’re all I can think about, you’re all I’ve been able to think about, for a really, really long time.”

Taking his lip between his teeth, he averted his eyes elsewhere and gathered his thoughts. “I did not want to have this conversation like this, you’re drunk.”

Tears fell from your eyes. “I’m always drunk. Why?”

His eyes softened as they met yours. “Is that rhetorical?” Laying your head down on your knees, you shook your head, your lips trembling. “What were you trying to forget about tonight?”  The answer popped in your head immediately, but you didn’t want to say it, not to him. You forgot he was able to read your mind. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“Mingyu,” you whispered on command. The self awareness he had to not make a face continued to impress you. “The thought of you not wanting me.”

He wrapped a hand around the steering wheel and stared at it. “It’s not that I don’t want you, Isla,” he said under his breath. “I’ll always want you.” A breath shot through you. He turned his chin toward you. “I love you, and unfortunately I think no matter what you do, I always will.” Twisting in your seat you watched as he moved himself backward, like he was expecting you to reach for him. “As soon as I heard you were with your brother I thought you were finally gonna have some peace, but these kinds of people keep finding you. They know what to use against you to get what they want, and it kills me ‘cause I know you’re smarter than this.”

“If I am then why does it keep happening?”

A small smile hit his lips for a millisecond. “A lot of things,” he mumbled. “We grew up differently, I could start there.”

Your stomach took a tumble. “Dont,” you whispered, and he bobbed his head.

“Exactly, see, you already know it,” he said. “You got to a point when we were at Nasara, where you were so sick of it, you knew what you had to do. At least, that’s what I thought had happened when you left and Aurora told me you were with DK. Even those first few weeks when you didn’t answer me, I just kept thinking, this is it, he’s gonna help her, get her help. I didn’t need a response, I know you, Iya,” the slip of the nickname triggered the tears, “You would answer me when you were ready, and I really didn’t know where you were, so if you were somewhere,” he tilted his head at the same time like he couldn’t bring himself to say the word rehab, “I figured you’d answer me when it was over, but…”

New Years happened. Photos of you and Mingyu locking lips hit the internet, and no, you weren’t getting help, you latched yourself onto the very opposite.

Vernon knew it too with the way he looked at you now. 

“V,” you whispered, and the softest smile graced his lips.

“What were you trying to forget?”

A shaky breath ripped through your lungs, the tears staining your cheeks coming to a standstill. Shaking your head, nibbling your lips, you whispered, “You.”

“Why?” he asked, voice pure, the question genuine, ripped from his brain and thrown into your face. Not a thought formed, the best you could do was plead with him with your eyes. “Isla, I thought there was something between us.”

“There was,” you said. “There is.”

He tried his best to not scoff in your face, but it happened anyway. “Then why ignore me? Why push me away? I fell in love with you, and you vanished.”

“I love you, too,” you whispered. Jaw ajar, midthought, Vernon blinked a few times and stared at you. Snapping his mouth shut, his jaw clenched as he looked away. “I thought I wasn’t gonna see you again.”

He almost broke his neck with how fast he looked at you. “Isla, you could’ve answered the phone and found out.”

“I know,” you nearly shouted, screwing your face up. “I was scared, I was trying to ignore everything, DK was on me, he did want me to go somewhere but I wouldn’t, and I tried therapy, and I tried outpatient shit, but it sucked, and then Mingyu came back ‘cause he knew I was around, and it’s all a mess from there. The shit from Nasara stuck with me, I thought it wouldn’t fuck me up that bad, but it’s like… a problem.”

Your heart lodged into your throat. He had reached over and wrapped a hand around your wrist.

“Okay,” he breathed, encouraging you to breathe with him. “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain it to me, I told you, Isla, I know you.” You were both paralyzed in place. “It’s okay to need help, it’s okay to admit that you need help. And, because I know you, I know that it’s gonna make you want to run away somewhere else, but you can’t.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t,” he said, giving your wrist a gentle shake. “I wanna record you saying that so tomorrow you can’t deny it.”

Your eyes widened. “You’re gonna talk to me tomorrow?”

He smiled. “I have wanted to talk to you every single day,” he let go of your wrist and settled back into his side of the car. “But, you have a… boyfriend. I don’t think he likes me, by the way.”

Shying away, you mumbled, “I told him we fucked.”

Not an infliction on his face. “Hm,” he hummed, glancing out the windshield, “Is that what we did?” When he looked back at you and your sappy eyes, you shook your head. “Explains why he looks at me the way he does.”

“He doesn’t like DK either,” you said, and Vernon went stoic. “He won’t talk to him, DK tries, but Mingyu avoids him.”

“Seems about right,” Vernon muttered. Questioning him with a brow, he said, “Why would a guy who’s trying to manipulate you into what he wants associate himself with people who want what's best for you?”

Groaning, burying your face back in your hands, you said, “You sound like Ryujin.”

Vernon smiled. “I know.”

You never looked at him faster. “What?”

“She’s my friend too, Iya,” he breathed through a laugh. “I don’t hear details, don’t worry, but I hear enough to know that your little relationship thing is not good for you.”

“Why would she tell you anything!?”

He shrugged, fingers tapping the steering wheel. Shifting in his seat, looking away from you, he said, “She wants us together.”

A chill breezed over your skin. Brushing your hands over the bumps you sat backward and lowered your chin, waiting for him to meet your eyes. When he did, you whispered, “I do, too.”

Pulling into a lazy smile, his lips parted, and he whispered, “Me too.”

home;run masterlist | talk to me | ao3

you do not have permission to copy or translate my works without my consent.

[al-lewinsky]

My Vedic breakdown of Amberlynn Reid bc why not

Magha moon women when I say there is an immense breadth of archetypes our nakshatra contains? I mean it bc tell me why I just found out she's a Magha moon?!

And she's a very Ketuvian woman which explains the vast black-hole like nature of her personality/identity. Honestly, her mannerisms and personality have always felt rather empty in a way I've always resonated with and this explains just that. Ketu is intrinsically lacking and empty. Ketu is also the headless nakshatra so that contributes to the airhead narrative of hers lol. Sometimes this airheadness could just be a front but other times it is sincere. I think in her case it's definitely a front esp with other placements of her considered.

Her being a Magha moon specifically makes a lot of sense too. Our family, our ancestors, our lineage take precedence in the story of our lives. It is the overarching plot of our lives. And it's well known she has a deeply troubled family history that still haunts her to this day. But Magha is also known for rising above the family, as well. Honouring the family name/lineage by ascending above them eventually. Which I would say is also the case for her. She's made a life for herself that would've been once deemed unthinkable of by them.

And she has a lot of Mula too. Mula is most associated with destruction and revival (transformation) which directly parallels "the cycle" we all attribute to her. Funnily, both Mula and Magha are spiritually devoted nakshatras but this aspect didn't manifest at all into her life with her being an atheist. Typically there is also an interest in the esoteric but she seems to have a shallow interest at most in those things (e.x. her brief tarot card phase). My theory is that I think its her Jyestha that keeps her in the material world and away from these aspects of life.

I think her 3rd house of communication being ruled by a Krittika mars is also interesting. Mars has an aggressive way of communicating and Krittika (bc its deity is the fiery Agni lol) supports that way of talking which is why she often comes off as abrasive, argumentative and/or confrontational. Said Mars is also in her 4th house of family life which lines up with having a destructive childhood as she's prev. brought up.

Everything going on in her 6th house explains her weight and her general struggle with it.

Sun in 10H plus the 11H stellium explains her unconventional but fruitful career and the kind of infamy she's garnered. Her Jyestha sun in the 10H there def makes her a controversial character via her work.

As for her love life, she's most definitely marrying/settling down with a woman - no doubt about it lol. Too many points in her chart towards liking feminine energy + her moon in the 7H of spouse + even more interestingly, her Venus (which would be her spouse significator as a lesbian) sits in the 11H which can imply a spouse with a big social network OR meeting spouse online (alr her pattern lol) OR a spouse with an online presence (which we kinda see w/ her gfs having somewhat of an online presence due to her). I think the woman she settles down with will have an online presence like her - either bc she alr has it or will embrace the lifestyle when they get tg. So wifey was def NOT the one imo. I also think she'll be similar to her spouse in personality. I think this bc of her Venus in Mula (spouse significator) is alike to the rest of her fiery placements. So def not an opposites attract situation either. The other spouse significator is the DK and that remains to be her Mula Venus. So her spouse will def be a Venusian Mula/Ketu type. Which is awfully like the rest of her chart so this is why I think her spouse will have a similar feel to her (at least in personality). As for the nature of the marriage (if that ever happens): because the moon is in the marriage/spouse house I think there will be ups and downs, and it will bring a lot of emotions out of her regularly.

To note another thing about her love life as Jyestha sun ... it explains sm abt how she is as a gf. Jyestha is kind of controlling and self-righteous (on its shadow side). But also quite passionate and jealous. Breakups feel like the end of the world to them LOL. Which is most definitely what she's like romantically. And another thing is that a lot of the community likes to make fun of is the fact that she seems to imitate whoever she dates/take on their personality and I would attest that to all her Ketu.

Significant Ketu in a person like I said makes one empty and a lot like a black hole in nature so often what we do to cope with this socially is to mimic others. In fact, more so than it being a self-coping mechanism, it’s smth we do to make other ppl feel comfortable interacting with us. We inherently ..... do not care abt anything in truth lol. We’re intrinsically detached from it all but a more self-aware Ketu native will realise that will come off as odd to others so those of us with that awareness will try to act in a way that throws ppl off from realising/discovering this emptiness in us. And we find that it's easiest for us to do so by mimicking/imitating whoever we interact with as it requires the least amount of effort/thought on our part.

So this is where I will conclude my Amberlynn Reid deep dive LOL.

[amodernpersephone]

4, 8, 11, 15 for the ask game even tho im not in the fandom ~(=^‥^)ノ

i already answered 11 in another ask !!! also its ok i never mentioned this ever bc i was busy exploding it in my head ily <3

4. what got you into enstars?

i had a vision. of a man. with blonde hair and blue eyes. he has haunted me since. thats a joke but i got it when it was still really new (just a bit after release ? or during exactly. i wasnt That hyped over it) and then eichi and well. it was just downhill from there

15. what is your favorite ship?

ok fair enough u werent here to see my absolutely insane posting abt wataei / yellow blue ship and u dk abt enstars and ily so !! its wataei!! birb jester and everyone's least favorite blonde emperor. they do things to my brain ^°^

[sundriedaisies]

I try to find escape in my dreams

But my fears just follow me there

And haunt me ever still

Morphing into metaphors

Into fantastical demons

And I always find myself

Looking in the mirror

Staring with hatred

With desperation I pray it’s not true

But deep down I know

It’s my worst fears confirmed

And I’m all alone

DK

[pugs-cats-bb-8]

Mario VS Donkey Kong (Switch)

Maybe it's because I grew up with the original, but I like how the opening cutscenes are on the GBA.

Definitely less anticlimactic when DK breaks in.

Did DK always sound like Scooby?

You don't have a score anymore?😡😡

I don't like the bonk noise.

So, you unlock all main levels instead of one by one.

The hammer sound is odd.

What I assume is metal doesn't sound like metal.

Odd sound for the key timer.

The hammers regrow.

Mario doesn't throw the mini at the screen.

The balls appear to be made of plastic and openable.

I will say, I can't remember the music because I pretty much always have my volume off. (Saves battery)

The swinging on the wire sounds are odd.

The dead Shy Guy sounds are odd.

No bonus lives level😡😡

That spark sounds more like a fire than a spark.

I think I prefer no sound.

What in the piss is that?

A level with a flying key and lots of extra lives? It looks like heaven.

No dust cloud when you jump on the jumpy thing.

The colour buttons look weird.

I kinda wanna know what it sounds like when Mario dies, especially from a great height.

The bricks are grunting.

The bricks didn't start falling till Mario got near. They usually start as soon as the level starts.

No donk sound when you use the hammer on the walking trash can.

It's also not as cute as before.

DK doesn't react much when hit. It's way easier now.

In the Og, he was way faster on those buttons. You really had to have fast fingers.

Don't like the rope sounds.

Don't like the Piranha Plant fire sounds.

That looks like a baby rhino.

Wait, you can get up there without the barrel? They had to have lowered it.

What do the barrels sound like?

Evil fucking bird. You don't know how many times I died to that fucker and it's eggs.

You can pare the egg by doing a hand stand?

Key doesn't blink anymore when it's nearing the end. It also doesn't speed up the key music.

I didn't even notice the timer in the flying key level. Why?

That's an odd dead by fruit animation.

No scared clapper monkey animation if it's over the colour block when you hit the switch.

Why do I think Mario can't die in this version?

Mario runs odd, like he's slowed down in the mini level.

He also isn't as pudgy.

I wonder if the minis can die.

Do they still call for Mario if you leave them behind? Yes.

The second DK level is a bit easier. I think the fruit purposefully waited till DK was underneath to fall.

The lava sounds are terrifying.

Are those ninja cat things with springs coming out of their backs? They look like something from Sanrio.

That bird looks like Ho-oh.

I like the chain sound.

Why are the Shy Guys wearing gas masks? Surely them breathing fire would melt them. Also, they have a key in their backs.

I hate those evil blocks.

Not the right music for a rising and falling lava level.

The crumbly blocks regrow?

The lava isn't a threat?

Mario will blink, but not die.

Maybe if you get hit while blinking you die.

Or did they make Mario faster?

You don't have to show the minis where to go and how to jump anymore.

I wonder if you can kill the minis or lock them out of the box.

No barrel sounds.

No pink and purple glob thing.

No fun still image at the end. 😡😡

World 4 is very bright. Considering in the og it's haunted house themed?

I don't remember wind being a part of the og.

I hate the bounce thing. It makes things way too complicated. Just do a hand stand and flip.

No bombom cute noises.

The wind is controlled by the coloured buttons?

Transporting boxes controlled by buttons.

I noticed there's no help I forget how to do this trick bubble.

Now the Thmwamps are a lot faster and more two faced.

The conveyer belts are way faster.

Some of the music reminds me of Hey Anorld.

The Boos have a key in them.

Oh god, ice physics. 😡😡

...That's a new way to use the hammer.

The Shy Guys throw wrenches instead of spit bones.

I'm not going to even say what the spring thing looks like.

Robots with the monkey tails. Nevermind, those were in the OG.

The monkeys aren't surprised anymore if they fall when you push the button.

They don't even credit the name to a character. They just list the name. 😡😡

It's not the dude who does Scooby's voice.

Oh, so Mario can die. I'm just watching someone who's very good at the game or editing.

These levels are not that long that you need check points. (Casual mode).

Either it's way easier to back flip or I just suck at getting Mario to back flip.

99 cap for lives.

I don't like the square lives in the DK levels.

I don't like the level screen layout.

In the og you had to get the bombom right on the thing. It couldn't be off by an inch or nearby.

After you max out on lives, you should have the option to skip the bonus level stage. Since you don't have a score anymore.

I hate that pair another controller for mutilplayer. Not everyone wants to play with someone else.

DK just kinda lets stuff hit him. Like he sits still. In the og he would counter your movements.

How are you hitting him with the glass bubble protecting him?

I do like the true ending boss music.

Aw, that's cute. DK finally got his mini Mario.

I love the thanks for playing screen.

I love how time attacks isn't available for two player mode.

You can ride the Bomboms?

Expert levels actually seem to be a challenge.

Time attack is for speedrunners or people who want to beat their friends time.