#I didn't show the last time I tried to draw Sunny but it didn't look great ehe ^^;

[anothermonikan]

Ponee (It is half 3 in the morning)

[vvanillavveins]

On the WTNV finale:

Look, i like Brinknor. They helped me fall back in love with Night Vale when i was feeling particularly uninspired. It's hard to put it into words; i have adhd & i struggle to remember big intricate plots unless something reoccurring has really grabbed hold of my attention, and before Brinknor, i was struggling to sink my teeth into anything attention-holding, so to speak. I guess i was becoming less enthusiastic in Night Vale's storyline as time went on, even though i couldn't really work out why. I just couldn't stop tuning out. But, with Brinknor, there came a bunch of shiny new plotpoints- at a faster pace. The show could actually hold my focus properly, and my wtnv fixation was suddenly up & running again.

All this is to say that i know it's just my impatience talking when i say that i wish that the loose ends of those new, interesting plotpoints had been tied up a little more by episode 250. I adore the way they write about Cecil's childhood and his family, and i want Kevin & The Boy's arc to be given the same amount of love, and attention, and time that the Palmer siblings' arc got. The same goes for Tamika. And Carlos. And Lauren, actually. Yes, i know she was a central figure in the last 2 episodes, and i loved that because she's one of my favourite characters. I fucking adore eldritch Mother Lauren. But still, it was all too vague to really learn anything new about her or the desert otherworld. And, above all else, i can't help but think of how wonderful it would've been if Charles and Donovan were included in the finale- especially Donovan.

When Kevin first came back in 2023, one of my silly little hcs as to why he was apparently in the Smiling God's bad books (and why he didn't mention Charles or Donovan) was that because Charles & Donovan aren't from Desert Bluffs they haven't devoted themselves to the Smiling God like the rest of the townsfolk. They wouldn't "smile" properly. One of my darker ideas at the time was the possibility of Kevin having to choose between making them part of his faith, i.e., making them "smile" like the rest of Desert Bluffs (which i doubt he'd go through with after his mudstone abyss arc), or having Charles & Donovan leave town (which i doubt they'd go through with), or, doing neither & keeping quiet about his life with them to avoid drawing attention. If he chose the latter and then got found out, it would make sense that he'd stop being the Smiling God's favourite. Obviously, i never thought any of that was correct- i was just having fun- and i was excited to find out the real story further down the line.

But that didn't happen, and we still don't really have many answers. Everything to do with Kevin, and Lauren, and The Boy got wrapped up in about 10 minutes flat. We've already had an emotional Fatherhood themed episode with Cecil & Abby; we didn't need another one just for the sake of it.

With the context of what we already know about Kevin's father, the ending of episode 250 was just uncomfortable. Sure, Kevin's talked about his father positively before, but that's always been in contrast with the actual content of his memories. It's always been made clear that the script/the writers disagree with Kevin's sunny outlook, and therefore the listeners should too. Those moments are there to demonstrate just how fucked up Kevin really is, and that his positivity is just a coping mechanism. But this time Cecil spoke for him, so we didn't get Kevin's usual sing-song rambling. It was calm, and collected, and matter-of-factly. And this time there were no sugar-coated descriptions of abuse, only genuine praise. We were actually supposed to agree with him this time, and it made the whole speech (and ending) sound hollow and forced.

I really didn't like this episode. It felt rushed. It tried to cover far too much far too quickly, and it failed. But, despite all that, i am hoping that future episodes will bring some sort of clarity about what happened. And hopefully some closure about Kevin and his family, too. I want loose ends to get tied up properly and i believe that maybe, with time, the important ones will be. Slow burning subplots are kinda quintessential to Night Vale's writing at this point anyway. Brinknor definitely missed the mark with this one, but they're still incredibly talented writers and i'm not ready to give up on them like some of the other fans on here.

Besides, i think that some of Night Vale's worst episodes are still incredible pieces of writing in their own right. The bad episodes are only bad in comparison to the dozens upon dozens of absolutely phenomenal episodes that make up the rest of a show that is, for the most part, a joy to listen to. So, here's to some hopefully better episodes in the future, i guess.

[bluecatwriter]

Blood of My Blood: Namesakes

In the Blood of My Blood AU, I was thinking about what might have prompted Arthur to show Quincey the Documents, and this scene was born. Tagging @ibrithir-was-here and @animate-mush as usual!

CW for mentions of past violence, murder, and vampire staking

~~~

Lu was out for the day, with Kate Reed on an investigative mission in a city a couple hours west, and Arthur was immensely relieved about it. It was unlikely that their search would turn up anything, and in the meantime, Lu was out getting some fresh air and enjoying the company of someone other than her vampire boyfriend. (She had begged Arthur to let the boy come along, but he chose this moment to put his foot down: absolutely not. She had pouted, but obeyed… this time.)

He hadn't realized what a weight on his shoulders it had been until it was lifted, and as he walked down to the dining room to have his usual lunch with Jack, he felt his heart sitting more lightly in his chest. He still had no idea if he was doing the right thing for his daughter by not actively stopping the courtship, but at least for today he didn't have to think about that.

Since he and Jack kept nearly opposite sleep schedules, they tried to have lunch together every day, and they met each other in the hallway and linked arms to walk to the dining room together. Jack didn't have long to spend with him, talking eagerly about his meeting that afternoon with a doctor who specialized in epilepsy, whose insights would no doubt help him with the medical article he was trying to finish. 

It was a hot, sunny day, so the servants had drawn the curtains, leaving the normally-bright room draped in shadow, and potato-leek soup was laid out along with an assortment of greens and pastries.

Arthur saw a telegram on his plate and picked it up, Jack leaning over his shoulder to read it too. Ms. Reed said that the investigation seemed to be turning up nothing, but that they planned to stay overnight to investigate further. The thought of Lu and the boy being separate for that long made an extra layer of tension peel off from Arthur's muscles.

"Where is Q today?" Jack asked.

Arthur looked at him curiously; hitherto he had called him "the boy" in sign language, but now he just signed the letter Q. 

"Is that your name for him now?" Arthur asked aloud, then signed, "Q?"

"Lu calls him that, and I figured it was good enough. I can't exactly call him Quincey." This last name was a sign that he had come up with to describe their deceased friend— an open hand to the head as if donning a cowboy hat.

Arthur's hand clenched into a fist, crumpling the telegram. "No. No, you can't," he said aloud. He deliberately relaxed his hold on the paper and dropped it on the table. He wondered for a thousandth time why Harker had chosen that name. "I don't know where the boy is," he signed. "Probably sleeping until evening, as usual." One less thing to worry about.

"Forgive me," Jack signed, drawing close to his side. "You were so relaxed, and now I've raised your blood pressure again." He ran a soothing hand along Arthur's arm, turning him to face him and linking his metal hand around Arthur's hip.

"It's fine," Arthur said aloud. "Just… let's just have a nice lunch and not worry about anything for a while, all right?"

Jack nodded, and his eyes grew soft as he studied Arthur's face. The room felt suddenly warm. 

"Jack…" Arthur said, a smile tugging at his lips. He knew that look.

"Can you guess what I'm thinking?" Jack said playfully, drawing Arthur a bit closer by his hip so that they were pressed together.

"Jack, it's the middle of day," Arthur said, but his stern voice was belied by the slight chuckle in it. 

Jack's eyes softened further, his lips quirking as he brought his face close, keeping his right hand free so he could keep talking. "I have an idea for stress relief for you, though I doubt it will lower your blood pressure."

"Jack," Arthur said, feeling himself blush like a schoolboy, and he made a show of turning away. Jack didn't let go, and ended up flush against his back, kissing the nape of his neck, his right hand sneaking into the waistband of Arthur's trousers. Arthur melted against him. "Jack…"

From the settee at the far end of the room, they heard a small, discreet cough.

They leaped apart as if burned, Arthur's shirt coming untucked in the process. The vampire child rose up like a shadow from the piece of furniture, his eyes wide and his cheeks lit up with a bruise-colored blush.

"I'm so sorry!" he blurted out. "I didn't mean to— I'm sorry— I— I thought you saw me when you came in, I wasn't trying to hide, I would've left but there wasn't a way out, I'm sorry, I'm very sorry—"

Arthur tucked his shirt back in, all bluster. "Calm down, it's all right, no one's going to punish you!"

The boy snapped his mouth shut, squeezing his hands together behind his back. Arthur heard the soft, rasping sound of Jack chuckling, and Arthur shot a glare at him— as if he was at fault for not noticing the vampire in the corner. "What are you doing here?" Arthur asked Quincey sharply.

"I was taking a nap." 

"Don't you have a bedroom for that?"

"I'm so sorry. I just came in here, and it was nice and dark, and the settee was so comfortable…" He hung his head, the blush still on his cheeks. 

Jack stepped up beside Arthur and nodded to him. "You should invite him to have lunch with us."

Arthur signed back so the boy wouldn't hear. "He doesn't eat."

"It might be a nice gesture. Look at the poor boy."

Arthur looked over at Quincey, who was visibly trying to keep himself from trembling.

Through gritted teeth, he said aloud, "Would you like to join us for lunch?"

The boy lit up, and Arthur remembered that expression on his mother's face, how she would clap her hands when she was excited. "May I?"

"Of course," Arthur ground out, shooting another glare at Jack, and the three of them sat down at the table. Quincey sat perfectly still and straight in his chair, but he was almost vibrating with a palpable energy.

Jack took his place next to Arthur, their legs brushing under the table. Arthur briefly considered offering the boy some soup, because it felt strange not to, but they had well-established that the boy could not stomach any human food. So they just began eating in silence.

After a few beats, the boy asked, "Lord Godalming, you said in an earlier conversation that I did not need permission to speak, is it not so?"

Arthur sighed. "That's correct. You can just speak."

The boy looked relieved. But when he spoke, it was to Jack, not him. "Dr. Seward, I saw you mention my name, and Lu's. She's been teaching me some sign language," he added, but then didn't elaborate further. Arthur noticed that he rarely asked direct questions, just opened topics of conversation and seemed to hope that the other person would answer his oblique hints.

Jack signed, "We were just discussing your nickname, Q." After a moment, he glanced at Arthur, and Arthur remembered he had to translate. He spoke the words aloud.

"Ah, yes. Lu calls me that."

Lu and Q, what a matching set of nicknames. Arthur held back a groan. But now that the topic had come up, the question returned to his mind: of all the names to give his son, why had Harker chosen this one? Aloud, he said, "Quincey… did your father ever tell you about your namesake?"

Quincey looked at him quizzically, as if thinking this was some kind of test. "My father didn't give me this name," he said. "Papa did."

Arthur was still getting used to the father/papa differentiation. He went on, a bit testily: "Did your papa ever tell you, then?" 

"I didn't know I was named after anyone." Quincey looked at him with open curiosity.

That was fair. What would Harker say, anyway? He was a fine man, loyal and with the truest heart that ever beat. When he swore to kill your Father, I took his hand and gazed at him with glowing admiration. Then I brutally murdered him in front of his friends.

The boy had sensed Arthur's bitterness; Arthur could see him tense. Under the table, Jack gently touched his knee, a warning, a reassurance. Arthur swallowed back the angry words he wanted to say. He didn't want to hurt this boy, not really, and he had long ago given up his right to revenge in order to save Jack's life. But he felt a sudden duty to make sure that Quincey knew something of the man whose name he carried.

"You are named after a man named Quincey Morris," Arthur said, willing his voice to be steady. "He was our best friend. Kind, noble, goodhearted. He had a great sense of humor and he was the bravest and most selfless man I ever knew."

The boy looked up at him eagerly, as if trying to memorize this new information.

Arthur hadn't seen the exact moment of his best friend's death; his back had been turned. Jack hadn't seen it either; he was too distracted by his hand going flying and the blood exploding from his throat. Sometimes, Jack had said, I think I remember that Quincey grabbed my coat and pulled me away from Harker's blade. But I don't know if that's my memory playing tricks on me.

Quincey had had a gun, and he had not fired. It was possible that he didn't have time to draw. But Quincey had the quickest draw of anyone Arthur knew, and it was not easy to catch him off guard.

Arthur had never seen that much blood before, even when he had staked Lucy's body.

"You should be proud to be named after him," Arthur concluded, his voice wavering only slightly.

Quincey hesitated, then spoke gingerly. "You speak of him as if he's not here."

Arthur felt his heart catch in his throat. Under the table, Jack squeezed his leg.

Arthur had turned over and over Harker's words in his "letter of recommendation:" I swear to you, he is wholly ignorant of the the evil done on his behalf.

"He died, unfortunately," Arthur said. Unfortunately. As if the inexorable march of time had caused it to happen, like the melting of snow or the turning of tide. As if it were not the result of Harker destroying everything and everyone in his path for his own selfish ends.

"There is so much pain in your eyes," Quincey said, and there was such open compassion on his face that Arthur felt the beginnings of tears. He blinked them back. 

"It's a noble name to live up to," Jack signed, and then nudged Arthur to translate for him, which he did. "We hope that you can show yourself to be as true and good as he was."

The boy nodded vigorously. "I intend to live up to the name."

Living up to Quincey's name was impossible, Arthur thought, but there was no use telling him that.

They ate in silence for a while longer, then Jack checked his watch and told Arthur he needed to head out. He gave Arthur a peck on the lips when he left, which made Arthur blush (it wasn't helping that the boy was staring at them, with that same unabashed curiosity he showed with everything).

When Jack left the room, there was an awkward silence, and Arthur was just getting ready to make some excuse to leave when Quincey spoke quietly. "Lu told me that she has the same name as someone who died, too."

Oh, lord, he was not ready for this conversation. But Quincey needed to know this. He needed to understand… 

Arthur tried to keep his voice even. "That's correct. She shares a name with her Aunt Lucy Westenra, who unfortunately died before she was born." Again, that word, unfortunately. Like time and tide and the stake in his hands— she is among the angels, friend Arthur, you have set her soul free, oh dear Lord, he wished to God he could be sure of it— "She was to be my wife," he added, not even sure why he did.

Quincey gasped, and stared at him wide-eyed, as if this much grief was something new to him. "What happened to her?"

Arthur opened his mouth, shut it again. She became like you, and so I took a mallet and a wooden stake and I slaughtered her, blow after bloodied blow while she screamed, and I thought myself righteous for doing so. What was there to say? What could he say?

"She fell ill, and died."

Quincey solemnly took this in; Arthur could fairly see the wheels of his brain turning, processing all this information. 

Not knowing why he pressed on, Arthur added, "Lucy Westenra was best friends with your Mum, before she was a vampire." Before they both were.

Quincey started, staring at him. "Oh," he said, and suddenly he looked even paler, if it were possible.

"What is it?"

Quincey looked like he was going to say, "Nothing," but he put his head down and gulped. "I didn't realize… I do know about Lucy Westenra. I just didn't know her name." There was sorrow, deep sorrow, in his voice.

Arthur felt his skin prickling, as if a fire was crackling under his skin. He should not ask, he should not ask, he should not— "What of her?"

Quincey raised his head, his face grief-stricken. "Was that why she was disloyal to Father, because she tried to belong to you?"

Arthur's stomach dropped out, and his brain ground to a halt. A choked, "What?" was all he could get out.

"Father said that when he wooed her, she offered only her blood, but that her loyalty was fractured, and that's why—"

Arthur didn't realize he had leaped up until his thighs hit the table, sending dishes clattering and silverware flying. He had grabbed the boy by his shirt across the table and yanked him to his feet, and the words came out in a roar before he could stop them. "Never speak of her again!"

"Yes, lord!" Quincey gasped, and burst into tears.

Arthur's hands went slack, and he watched in surreal horror as blood welled up in Quincey's eyes and went dripping down his face in rivulets. Was that how vampires wept? (Oh God, what was he doing, making this poor child cry?)

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, letting go of his shirt. He felt dizzy. "I'm sorry, Quincey, I shouldn't have yelled."

"I'm sorry, lord, I don't know what I said wrong," Quincey gasped out, furiously wiping away his tears, leaving streaks of pale red blood on his skin. "Please teach me, so I may learn the Lesson and not anger you in the future."

"I'm sorry," Arthur said weakly again, and quickly circled around the table, fumbling for his handkerchief, which he handed to the boy. Quincey accepted it and bent over it, sniffing and trembling. Arthur hesitantly put his hand on the boy's head to steady him, and he felt him relax instantly under his touch.

"You only spoke in ignorance, and I shouldn't have lashed out," Arthur said, a lump in his throat. "Forgive me."

Quincey looked up quickly, as if Arthur had said something incomprehensible. Arthur guessed that his "Father" certainly never would have said these words. "You can't help but repeat what you've been told," he said carefully, moving his hand down to squeeze Quincey's shoulder, "but what you've been told is a lie."

Quincey blinked at him, still sniffling a little. 

"I can't blame you for being raised by a monster," Arthur said.

"Father is not—"

"He is," Arthur snapped. Quincey flinched, but Arthur didn't have the patience for compassion right now. Arthur let go of his shoulder, to give him room to move away if he wanted. "You need to know this, Quincey. Your papa and mum hid this from you, but you need to know. He's a monster who drinks people's blood and kills them. He killed Lucy in this way."

"No," Quincey blurted out. "No, that can't be true. Father would never, ever eat someone he didn't love."

The urge to grab him and shake him passed over Arthur like fire. He didn't move, only clenched his fists. "Quincey—"

"Father loves me," Quincey said, and there was desperation in his voice, as if he wanted nothing more than to convince Arthur of this fact. "He loves all of us. And—" he gulped, then set his jaw in that determined way that his papa had. "And I love him."

For a long time, they just stared at each other. Quincey's eyes had a reddish tinge from crying, faint blood-trails smeared on his face.

Then Arthur made a decision. "If you don't believe me, perhaps you'll believe the words of your mother and fa— and papa."

Quincey looked up at him in confusion. 

"Come with me."

He turned and headed up to his office, Quincey trailing behind him like a shadow. In a wardrobe in the far corner of that room, locked in the bottom of a safe, laid a stack of yellowing pages, lovingly typed and compiled by the woman Arthur had once hoped to love as a sister, the woman who had died twenty-one years ago, the woman who had raised the child following noiselessly behind him.

It was time Quincey learned the truth.

~~~

[l-archiduchesse]

A majority asked for zooms and my ramblings so here we are ! I will post the pic in the order I drew them in. This will be longuish ^^'

So, I saw this tomarry fanart and I was like 'yes exactly, I love it' with heart in my eyes lol. And later I saw this drawing on pinterest where I find most of my inspirations and poses and the voice in my head was like 'make it tomarry. Immediately.' So here we are, I guess.

As I said, I tested a new technic and I took so long to find the hang of it and it shows. It's the first drawing I did using this technic. The shadowing and lighting is off. Also, I headcannon Tom as really pale and I added a blue layer to match the light of the night and now he looks dead. I wanted to laugh so bad while I was drawing because he looks like a fucking corpse. I also think him taller than Harry but I ended messing up the proportions.

I still obviously had to work on this new technic and it still shows. It's really messy. I noticed the wall was bended when I finished and so I just... let it lile this... because it was the last thing I did in this drawing and I struggled so much I didn't want to make it badder on accident ^^'.

So this is Tom during his last summer at the orphanage. I saw somewhere (I think it's here on tumblr) someone headcannon Tom as a smoker because of a habit he took at the orphanage. And it suits him I think. He has sunburns because he has the fragile skin of a victorian damsel.

I began to understand how it worked lol. Finally it's cleaner. I still have work to do on lightning...

I love to imagine than, the moment Harry as time free for himself (after the war, after Hogwarts...) he would play with the limits of masculinity and feminity and blurr them as he explores his preferences (both in term of gender and sexuality). I think he would settle for simplicity in the end (sweater and jeans) but he would have a phase during which he looked like a twink screaming 'I'M GAY !!' lol. I also really like the fics where Harry is so weak against his libido and is an absolute sl*t for his partner. So here is the result of this strange mix of thoughts ^^'.

Still the problem with lightning, I need to explore more sunny days to finally represent it correctly. I really like the reflection on Harry's hair. It's somehow ginger and I love the thought that he also have this tiny detail from her too and not only her eyes.

I think Tom brought Harry to the beach because he wanted to surprise him with something meaningful (on the advice of hermione). So he did something meaningful for himself and not for Harry, because he lacks social skills and he misunderstood Hermione (I mean it in an affective way). In the end, the party he threw there is lame and awkward but Harry absolutely loves it because he knows Tom has crossed many of his boundaries to manage this (like talking courteously enough with Ron and Hermione) (there's only one thing but Harry is already appalled by this lol). So it's one of their best memories and Tom, like Harry, cherish it very much. This picture was taken by Colin Creevey and Tom keeps it in his wallet.

For this one, I wasn't sure where I wanted the light to come from so the lighting is still awkward (am I having a fixation ?). Tom's pose is strange but I, again, was finished when I noticed it so I let it hang lamely like this. But I'm very proud of Harry's nightie. This was the first time I tried to make a satin texture and well, I think I managed it well. Who loves a flushed and dishevelled Tom ? Because I very much do (Harry is very pleased with himself). I struggled to find the good tint for their hickeys, it might be a bit awkward still.

I really like this one. I still need to practie people kissing (it has always been one of my weakness). I love the colour palet, the background (very simple to do but very efficient), Tom's HAIR !!! Why did I not think to do it like this before ?? it's neat and pefect and looks so soft and well maintained. Exactly as I imagine him. There's a funny story behind the colour palet. I thought I picted it randomly, first Tom's shirt because I wanted something warm and colourful to contrast with his black and white cold as marble complexion lol. And then Harry's to match with Tom while also contrasting. So I ended picking these ones and then I looked down at my wrist to find the brazilian bracelet my friend gifted me month ago. And it's the EXACT same colours, Burgundy, pastel violet (more pink on Tom's tie) and this soft green that I don't know how to name. I laughed hard. I amorced myself lol.

And finally, I adore this one. It's soft and warm and the lightning is not that bad (I'm actually proud of it). It's full of mistakes. Like Tom isn't exactly proportionate but I like it that way. His big head matches is character lol and his big eyes look so engrossed with Harry, he looks so in love so I just let it be. I think they are at the talking stage still, not dating but almost. It's the first time Tom listens so intently to someone and it doesn't look like it but he is inwardly panicking. Like 'Am I having a heart attack ? My heart beats really funny.' And Harry can't belive his luck, the most gorgeous guy he's ever seen is actually attracted to him. It seems too beautiful to be true. So he just basks in the moment, thinking it will last only this night.

I hope you liked my ramblings, I have so much thoughts going on when I draw. I might not be that good at it but I enjoy it so much. It makes me feel like I actualy take care of the character I draw. It's like I can hug them and this is so good. They really are my comfort characters (this is a fucked up thing to say lol).

L'archiduchesse

[mvsicinthedvrk]

valentines minievent masquerade ball starter call!

i'm limiting each to only a few starters but may add more slots later. i tried to include some baisc information about what everyone is doing, though this is not technically a ~plotting~ call. but if you want to plot beforehand, just send me a dm-- otherwise, if you request a starter, i'll take a look at your plotting/starter call and just come up with something that seems like it'd make sense. please only request 3-4 total starters, since i have limited characters and want to make sure i can write with everyone! thanks for your consideration!

wei wuxian-- going with lan wangji! he's going to be dragging his husband lan zhan around the museum to see absolutely everything, and he'll spend a good deal of the night on the dance floor, too. last valentines day was a disaster, so he's looking forward to having a nice time for once, without worrying. he's very naturally chatty, so if your muse needs someone to talk with, he's right there. wei wuxian starters for wen qing (kasey), jiang yanli (aria), ??-- (2/3)

xie lian-- going with hua cheng! not only does he get to spend valentines day with his memories finally intact, but the ball also falls during spring festival, which xie lian cares very much about. so he's looking forward to having a wonderful time with all the people he loves. if he separates from hua cheng at all during the evening, he'll try to find his friends, and he'll share a dance or a snack with anyone. shoutout to mu qing, who helped him choose his outfit. xie lian starters for feng xin (kasey), kieran hunter (atlas), shen qiao (june), sophie hatter (maig), ?? -- (4/5)

he xuan-- going with shi qingxuan! he xuan imagines he'll likely be here until the very end of the ball, given how enthusiastic his date is about these sorts of things. he'll basically just be going along with whatever qingxuan wants to do, and won't try to draw much attention to himself. he'll also be found near the snack table for a good portion of the evening. he xuan starters for shi qingxuan (sunny), patch (atlas), ??-- (2/3)

sha hualing-- she's neither going with a planned date nor a blind date, though she's keeping an eye out for hunter lance-sharpe at the ball. sha hualing will mostly be finding interesting places to take photos, and see if she can be a nuisance to her friends on dates. she's never opposed to causing a little trouble either. sha hualing starters for doom (atlas), zoe rivas (hali), ?? - (2/3)

liu qingge-- on a blind date with tadashi hamada (atlas's muse)! so qingge has no charisma. he has no romantic experience. he has no real understanding of what valentines day is, and his mask will barely count as a mask. but he should get points for being here at all, truly. he will do his best to stick it out for a few hours. liu qingge starters for ?? - (0/3)

dongfang qingcang-- going with xiao lanhua, with extraordinary reluctance. he will immediately look for reasons why they should head home before chaos strikes. in fact, chaos is just another name for xiao lanhua left unsupervised so it's not looking like the night will be in his favor. dongfang qingcang starters for xiao lanhua (kasey), rory gilmore (atlas), ?? -- (2/3)

chu wanning-- going with mo ran. chu wanning is very excited about this, but he'll be equally stressed about overthinking everything about the evening. he won't risk doing anything that would lead to him embarrassing himself so he'll be staying away from both the dance floor and the bar. chu wanning starters for ?? -- (0/3)

filippa kosta-- going with their girlfriend, amara! she didn't feel much like wearing a ball gown, so she'll be in a blazer of sorts. the concept of valentine's day is 'sweet,' in theory, so they'll be socializing as well as trying to show amara a good time. keeping things very chill and if your muse needs someone to vibe with in a corner of the room, they can go find filippa. filippa starters for mei nianqing (sunny), ?? -- (1/3)

qi yan-- qi yan's going with her wife, nangong jingnu! she'll also be dressed in a blazer and trousers. honestly, catch her taking in the museum sights (because she never has time to come see it otherwise) and making sure her wife doesn't get too drunk. qi yan starters for yin yu (sunny), ?? -- (1/3)

kaz brekker-- kaz is not actively anti-valentines day but he is the most apathetic about this holiday that a person could possibly be. i will send him to the ball because i think he'd use it as an opportunity to talk to business connections while they're all masked, or maybe pick some pockets, but he is not too excited about the ~valentine's~ aspect of it at all. kaz starters for zoya nazyalensky (moon), will herondale (siri), jesper fahey (june) -- (3/3. SLOTS CLOSED)

mo xi-- going solo, though he'll be keeping an eye out for gu mang. this is his first valentine's day in the city, and he doesn't really know what the day is all about, though he's slowly picking up on it the more decorations he sees. someone please take pity on him and come talk to him even though he doesn't look super welcoming. mo xi starters for bryce quinlan (kasey), ?? -- (1/3)

pei ming-- on a blind date with rebecca barnes (kow's muse)! let's just say that valentine's day is the busiest time of pei ming's year. 💀 he sees opportunities for short-lived romantic entanglements everywhere, and he thinks there's plenty of him to go around. but he's going to try to be a gentleman like rebecca seems to want, at least for now. pei ming starters for xuan ji (moon ?), shi wudu (kasey), ling wen (june), rebecca barnes (kow) -- (4/4. SLOTS CLOSED)

xiao chiye-- going solo. he's only here to make an appearance and see if he can catch sight of some of his friends. despite recently having some direct dance instruction, he probably won't be dancing. instead, he'll be taking full advantage of the open bar. xiao chiye starters for nie huaisang (sunny), shen zechuan (june), ?? -- (2/3)

lu junyi-- on a blind date with aluma ruairi (megan's muse)! junyi loves love and will be leaning fully into the valentines aesthetic, heart eyes all the way. if your muses need encouragement to get into the spirit, just look for her and she'll try to gently prod them into the holiday spirit. lu junyi starters for aluma ruairi (megan), ?? -- (1/3)

feng yu-- on a blind date with celeste kipper (sammy's muse)! he is here for just a nice, very regular time. his expectations are respectably neither high nor low, but you'll likely find him around the snack table making very mediocre small talk. or caught up reading every single plaque on every one of the smithsonian exhibitions. feng yu starters for ?? -- (0/3)

[gamesception]

Sception Reads Cass Cain #17

Batman: Gotham Knights #5 Writer: Devin Grayson Pencils: Dale Eaglesham

Young Justice (1998) #21 Writer: Peter David Pencils: Todd Nauck & Sunny Lee

Batgirl #4's cliffhanger stretches on for another post at least because we have a couple guest appearances from July 2000 to look at, in addition to the Azrael issue we looked at previously. Not too much to say about these, but I'm pretty busy this week, so that works out.

.....

First the Gotham Knights issue. The villain is an escape artist with magic powers who for looks more like a barrow wight than a stage magician. I will say his little lockpick talons are kind of cool, though for some reason they're just boring old claws on the cover art? As per last time I don't want to just rehash what happens, you can find the comic online easily enough, and it's an ok read.

The main thing Cass is doing here is that the villain has magically 'unlocked Batman's violent urges' or whatever, so Bruce is on a rampage and Cass and Jean-Paul (nice to have one last story with the two of them as a team) are trying to fight him while simultaneously saving the villain/other random criminals from him. It's an interesting contrast to current events because while Bruce does manage to fight off Cass and Azrael simultaneously, he doesn't just beat them. More that he fights them to a standstill and slips away by first injuring the villain enough to get Azrael to stop fighting to tend to his injuries, at which point he's able create enough distance from Cass to make a break for it, and later he just throws a guy off a roof, forcing Cass to rescue the guy and again giving time for Bruce to slip away.

It is a solid example that even in her earliest prime, Cass's abilities didn't mean she could automatically or easily beat Bruce in a fight - Bruce's size, strength, experience, training, and resourcefulness put them more or less on par, particularly if circumstances are such that Batman has some extra edge - in this case the magical willingness to injure his opponent or random third parties where Cass is still holding back. Cass's special body reading puts her on the level of the best non-powered martial artists in the DC universe, but she doesn't automatically beat any of them, including Bruce.

The marked difference between this and, say, the recent Batman issue where Bruce beats his entire family simultaneously, isn't the outcome where Bruce comes out on top, it's more the process of getting there. That it is a fight, that Bruce just barely gets away, it doesn't feel like bad-god fanboy wankery. But whatever, the big two comic studios have long been asylums run by the inmates, ascended fanboyism often runs wild, you just kind of learn to live with it.

Back to the comic at hand, we've looked at an issue or two where Cass was drawn by Eaglesham before, and he does a pretty good job here as well. Though again he occasionally draws her weirdly muscularized, like here when she's catching some guy Bruce throws off a building:

If I had to complain about anything in terms of Cass's depiction here, though, it's not the art, but rather that she's mostly just a physical presence, when some of the themes of the issue are things that her personal experiences and character motivations should allow her to contribute to more meaningfully. But this is before her new verbal paradigm had worked its way around the studio, so I guess this stands as another example of why that change was overall a positive move, even if I will forever dislike how it was done.

.....

The Young Justice is a fun sorta stand alone bit. Klarion has turned Lobo into a little kid, so a younger looking but just as powerful Lobo is on a rampage fighting Klarion to try to force the Witch Boy to turn him back, which he can't do for multiple reasons that don't really matter. Young Justice tries to break up the fight, leading to a bigger fight which makes a mess in Gotham, which is justification for Cass to show up as a guest star.

I don't have much to say about this one, it's a fun little stand alone story with an amusing enough resolution. Cass does cool ninja stuff, but she's still not talking yet outside of her own book, so again her presence is pretty purely physical. We do get a neat inversion of the common problem of Cass looking too old when drawn by other creative teams because in this style if anything she looks too young.

We do end on this amusing bit of over-protective Bat-dad with his "I don't wan't you playing with those other kids" schtick.

...

So yeah, a couple fun stories. Honestly, going back and looking at every single appearance of Cass has made me realize that she did show up as a guest in other books a fair bit more than I remembered, at least early on. The writers and editors at the time gave her more of a push than I in my faulty memory have given them credit for. At least early on. Though this was before DiDio was in charge.

Next time (?) back to Batgirl proper, where we'll get to meet up with David Cain again, back when he still was David Cain.

[jj-the-writer]

Day 3 @kelbreyweek:

Minor omori spoilers.

Flower Languages

20XX. Start of Spring.

Endless chatter can be heard through the school yard on this Friday, countless children running around, playing ball or hide and seek, eating snacks and having a good time. A small group of children though, were sitting on a pavement talking...

Kel and Aubrey: "Whaaaaaaat?!" Exclaim the two curious children to their friend.

Basil: "It's true! Every single flower has a meaning behind it! It's called the language of flowers, my grandma gave me her old encyclopedia book from the time she used to garden more, it has all the flowers and what they mean!"

Sunny only listened to basil silently, yet intrigued.

Kel: "No way! That's so cool! I never would've thought that flowers had deeper meanings!"

Aubrey: "Ofcourse they do Kel! Don't you know about the rose? Everyone knows the rose symbolizes passion and love!" Replied Aubrey to tease Kel with her knowledge while sighing dreamily at the mention of love.

Basil: "Well, that's not entirely true! The rose is actually the first entry in my book, it says that roses can mean many many different things depending on their color! For example, pink roses symbolize admiration, orange roses symbolize passion, yellow roses symbolize friendship and the list goes on!" Basil corrected Aubrey in a matter-of-fact kind of voice.

Kel: "HA! I guess you don't know that much after all Aubrey!"

Aubrey: "Shut up Kel! Basil said I wasn't wrong! You're so stupid, ugh!"

Kel: "No matter what you say you can't hurt me! No matter how hard you try! Your words don't reach me!" He said mockingly.

Aubrey: "Well no matter what YOU say, I know I'm right, because you're annoying!"

Sunny let out a sigh and Basil laughed softly.

Suddenly Basil had a realization.

Basil: "Hey guys! You two remind me of a couple of flower entries I read on my book yesterday!" Basil pulls out a notebook and a pencil from his backpack and he gets to drawing.

All three of his friends try to peek at his drawing but Basil didn't let Aubrey or Kel see. Sunny lets out a small laugh as Basil keeps on drawing.

Basil: "Alright! Here we are!" Basil presents his notebook to his friends with a big smile on his face. On one page it reads 'KEL' at the top of the paper with a drawing of a cactus below it. Then it reads 'Strong and resilient'. On the next page it reads 'AUBREY' at the top and below is a surprisingly detailed drawing of a gladiolus which reads 'strength of character and moral values'.

Basil: "I read these two entries yesterday, and your fighting reminded me of them. Kel, you don't get hurt easily by what others say, you stay strong no matter what you hear! 'Strong and resilient' like a cactus! Aubrey, no matter how much others may disagree with you, you will stick to your own beliefs no matter what! Which shows your 'strength of character'!"

The two children look at the drawings in awe, partly because they were impressed with basil's drawings and because they were intrigued by the connection he made. But before they could respond the bell rings and they all slowly walk over to their class to continue their day, this topic was left untouched... Until two days later.

Sunday afternoon, the group had arranged to meet over at Sunny and Mari's place, like they do every Sunday to hang out. First arrived Hero with his brother who was holding a plastic bag with something inside.

Hero: "Hello Mari! Hey Sunny!"

Mari: "Hello handsome! Hi Kel, whatchu got there?"

Hero: "It's a secret for later, he'd rather wait till Aub- till everyone is here until he shows it to everyone" Hero responds for his brother.

Kel: "It's a secret." Repeated Kel in a lower than usual voice, his cheeks with the tiniest hint of pink.

Sunny and Mari seemed curious, sunny even tried to take a peek but Kel stopped him.

Later came Basil, he greeted every one of his friends with a smile. He asked Kel about the bag but the usual "It's a secret." was his only response.

Last arrived Aubrey. She held a medium sized cardboard box in her hands. Kel went over to her and looked at her for a second before Aubrey said "What?" As Kel was brought back to reality from his thoughts he bolted and picked up his plastic bag carefully and gave it to Aubrey while looking away. "I got this for you..." Aubrey had a shocked look on her face but she kept her calm and responded. "Well... I got this for you!" She said as she gave the cardboard box to Kel.

Aubrey opens Kel's bag first and finds a flower pot with dirt and a small bud poking out of it.

"It's a gladiolus..." Said Kel shyly "I thought about what basil said and he's right, you do have a strong character, and maybe you're a little stubborn." he finished with his tongue out to poke fun at her. Aubrey waited for the right time to strike back.

Kel opened Aubrey's box and found a pot with a spherical cactus. "Basil said you're strong and resilient, and that may very well be true, but you're also a prick, so that cactus fits you perfectly." She finished with a smug smile, proud of her comeback.

Basil who witnessed all this was on the verge of tears, sunny pat his back as if to say "good job".

The kids bantered once again after the gift exchange but they both ultimately felt greatful that the other thought of them.

Mari stands up with a small frown. "Well well! Look at the two of you fighting again! You just exchanged gifts for crying out loud!" She smiled at the both of them and continued. "I think you should hug it out and thank each other this time."

Now, Mari had tried before to reconcile the both of them, but it usually ends up with the both of them saying "EW!" and backing away. However this time, flustered as they both were, they let a miracle happen.

Kel moved closer to Aubrey with small movements, and he slowly raised his little kid arms to give Aubrey time time to react. In turn she also raised her hands and they both went for a hug. The hug lasted around 5 seconds, in which time the both of them felt at ease, maybe a little too at ease.

Everyone who was looking at them was so shocked their jaws dropped. However as soon as the kids realized they got too comfortable, their faces became red and they started bantering once again. This made their friends in the room laugh.

In reality the both of them wished for the hug to continue, but that thought only made their faces more red...

Years later... (Before sunny comes out of his house in the game)

Kel just came home from practice and entered his room, in the meantime Aubrey climbed the stairs to her room and let out a sigh... Aubrey sat on her bed and Kel laid on the floor to his side of the room. Kel looked at his window and spotted a small spherical cactus standing tall... Aubrey looked at her own half-destroyed window and spotted a flower pot with a gladiolus that had bloomed beautifully...

The both of them take their pots in their hand and say (unknowingly) in unison...

"I miss you..."

[trenchcoatsbi]

yoo could i ask for a playlist for a tallulah qsmp fictive mayhaps? she has an insatiable hunger for music it's frightening (/silly) ,, she likes soundtracks (child of light is her current fav), stuff like the oh hellos/cavetown/bears in trees, and generally cozy sorta feeling songs, plus anything lullaby-ey if that makes sense :] hope u guys are well! sorry this is a tad long or vague hhaha -–🔉🌠

hello! Admittedly I rushed this a bit I’m not as sure about these as I was about 🌾🪶 Phil’s but I took a swing we’ll see if I missed later I guess. I tried to include as many artists as possible so you have plenty of people to look through since you said she was a bit insatiable when it came to music! I did phone in the last few songs like the lullaby-eque ones. yeah again this was a bit of a mess on my end. Though I have been writing down songs for this for a while I didn't have an easy time narrowing down things as to what I wanted to include so at this point I've just thrown my hands in the air and declared it done now. Sorry if the playlist is messy or unsatisfactory.

Art used is by @/sallomezz on tumblr and can be found here!

Hope you find something to enjoy on the playlist or in my bonus ramblings below! -phil

okay so I kinda cheated my self imposed rule of one song per artist but in my defense I couldn’t choose between Moonlight and Paperwork… They’re my two favorite Fish in a Birdcage songs and I thought both were kinda fitting so oh well both of them are there.

Anywho I could go on and on and on about how I was this close to fighting myself to the death (<- hyperbolic) over this. Let's just get to other recommendations I didn't put on for one reason or another.

Starting with musicians I put on there but didn't include a song from for whatever reason:

Myxrite! My personal favorite song Now and Again doesn't look like its on Spotify at all so uh yeah I'm linking it here because I like it a lot.

Bug Hunter is on there too but he's currently in the top ten of my favorite musicians so yeah here's more suggestions! Go With The Flow and Listen to Your Mom pretty high up there in terms of my favorite songs. Making Up Words is one of my favorites lyrically (though I must say that Disco in the Panic Room is up there too), and of course I have to mention Try My Best and Slow Burn because I keep using lyrics from them to inspire drawings (that I'll never post anywhere online). Okay fuck I need to move on before I link literally every single one of his songs lol

Same as Bug Hunter, The Narcissist Cookbook is up there in terms of my favorite musician + he put the MOTH album (one of his old ones that wasn't on on youtube yet) on youtube recently so he's been in my head a lot. Ghost Stories and UNWELCOME GUESTS (warning: unwelcome guests starts with a phone ringing noise idk my friends always get surprised by it so I'm just gonna mention it in case) are rahgjagh they are so good they exist in my head rent free

Madilyn Mei has been on loop in my head cause a friend of mine. Anyway Six Legs (tippy tappy toes) and Sleeping in the Kitchen. just live in my brain now because of them lol

The actual recommendations that aren't just more songs from folk on the playlist already:

I Fight Dragons! I fucking love them! Their music tends to have techy/8-bit noises and they're a bit more on the rock side of things but their stuff is really good! Good Morning Sunlight and Oh The Places You'll Go... They are the most <3 to me forever... Sunny Afternoon too... God I love IFD I need to make my friends listen to them with me more

If you like IFD you may also like Jonathan Coulton or the portal song guy as my friends know him lol. Nobody Loves You Like Me or Now I Am an Arsonist or really anything from the Artificial Heart Album is always my go to for showing people besides the songs from Portal (Still Alive and Want You Gone) that my friends know.

Similar to IFD, a lot of Going Spaceward's songs have techy noise in the like proper releases, but his youtube has a lot of acoustic versions of his songs that don't have those. His covers are good but really most of his music is just funky. Uh since I will absolutely not narrow this down in any timely fashion I'm just going to link the entire Can You Hear It Album and uh Count Past 23.

Joseph Dubay is a musician I only got into like a few months ago but I really like his stuff, kinda similar vibes to what i was going for with this playlist but a lot of his songs just didnt fit the vibe so I didn't feel like adding them. That being said I am obliged to tell absolutely everyone I talk about music with to listen to Pastel Goth and 4evr so yeah.

Completely different vibe but San Fermin may be of interest to y'all! Astronaut and The Woods are the ones I listen to most from them but everything about their music just scratches the brain itch for me. Their stuff is indie rock which is kinda in the genres of the bands you mentioned!

A bit of a different suggestion but since you mentioned her liking soundtracks AZALI might be a cool youtube channel to check out! They make short songs in FL Studio and idk I'll be honest I don't listen to soundtracks or things like you mentioned in that part of your ask but I do listen to every upload AZALI makes and I think they're all pretty neat. The songs are all like a minute or two long but I like to just put them on loop when I'm writing. Truth, Violence, Warmth is my go to for writing for this specific project, but Mechanical God was how I found their channel and I'm just fond of City of Shattered Glass so there those three are my suggestions.

[ackermanslov4r]

Omg can I request a fic where reader's love language is physical touch but because Levi doesn't like it a lot they don't receive any but one day Levi decided to let loose and show a little of PDA with them and everyone is weirded out by it except for reader who is having the time of their life (and because Levi saw how happy it made them he decides to be a little more affectionate with them-)

i love this it's so cute ! i hope you'll like it :)

Levi was in a particularly good mood today. He didn’t know exactly why ; maybe it was because he’d been able to sleep without having any nightmares , or maybe it was because of the sunny weather. He even wondered if his sudden happy mood was due to something he’d ate , or if it was a symptom of sickness. Levi felt as if everything was brighter than usual,as if the world wasn't such a terrible place after all.

Even Erwin’s meeting felt more bearable than usual. Levi was sitting by your side , feeling at the same time some of the summer breath on his cheeks thanks to the open window. He was half listening to what Erwin was saying as he was way more interested in casting small glances at you. He loved how the sun peering through the window seemed to make your hair glow,and how your eyes seemed brighter than usual. He hoped that Erwin wasn't going to be talking for too long , as Levi wanted to be able to properly look at you without having to care about what the cadets might think,and without having to act like he hadn't stopped listening to Erwin's speech.

Your knee suddenly brushed against Levi's as you crossed your legs, causing him to take a sudden breath he tried to hide with a cough. You'd been dating for a long time now,but even the slightest touch was still enough to make the great and terrible Levi Ackerman flustered. The contact lasted only a few seconds, but it was enough to turn Levi's attention completely on you ; and it was also enough to make him crave for a longer touch. "It's really a shame to be in this room full of people." he thought,a frown appearing on his face.

He wished he could be the type of boyfriend who could easily grab your hand and be open with you in public ; but unfortunately he wasn't due to multiple reasons,and sometimes,like today,he really wished thing would be different. He knew,despite you never saying it to him, that you would like to experience these types of gestures too,and he felt guilty about it,as if he'd failed his duty as a boyfriend.

The sun shone bright behind the window,and,his eyes on the blue sky,Levi suddenly thought that maybe,for once,he could try. He could try to be caring toward you on public,despite being in a room full of his subordinates. He didn't know if this sudden envy was due to his great mood,he didn't know if he'll end up regretting it ; but he wanted to try and see how it would feel .

Gathering his courage,Levi reached for your hand, intertwining your fingers with his and pulling your hand into his lap. It was a small gesture,but it was enough to make you gasp,and to make Levi's heart race. He silently hoped that he wasn't blushing, because he could feel people's eyes on him and on your intertwined hands ; and he didn't want them to see him blushing too. Levi caught Armin's eyes,who was sitting in front of him,and Armin quickly turned his eyes from his captain,turning his attention back on Erwin and faking a deep and real interest.

Levi cast a glance in your direction,and the sight you offered him made his heart skip a beat : you were smiling,your eyes on your hands,not caring about anything else other than the fact that,for the first time,your boyfriend had made an effort in public. Levi's thumb unconsciously started drawing patterns on your hand,his eyes still on you,his mind trying to fully grasp all the feelings he currently felt so he could go back to them later and revive this moment.

"PDA isn't that bad, actually",he thought as the meeting went on with your hand still in his. He didn't think he could ever bring himself to openly kiss you and hug you in public ; but this,holding hands,felt so nice to him he knew he'd want to do it again. And after seeing how happy this small gesture had made you,he also knew that he'd definitely do it again,even if just to see your smile.

[madfantasy]

Dear Blogging

Hope ur doing well🍀

When I realise my updates are futher apart in time, it makes me sad. I don't have much new to say, I am in the same trance following no time yet feeling every passing second. In progress that I can't feel because of how much I'm used to pain and nothingness. I am okay, finally had the brain power to make words today, the last months were exceptionally difficult as I mentioned the unrelenting near 50° heat. And for the majority of that time I spent it without any means to cool off, which periodically made me sick and kept me in bed too long. Even more bits of my teeth broke off, rendering me unable to smile or eat without jolts of pain. My unstable network provider topping off the misery.

Since I moved to my "sunny room" I couldn't use the net I waste money on for because of the weak signal, so I had not much sources of distractions or solace. Nothing separating me from the continuous good old times; living in absolute isolation. I don't think I have online connections anymore and wouldn't blame anyone for forgetting me. I'm sorry, I feel absolutely disconnected, I don't know what I want or what to do or how to dare be involved. And in all honesty, I am functioning on 1% energy spent on drawing..

I was trying to have a goal to compete that, to keep my faith up and have hope and project it. Wanting a red and black room was one, but I gave up on it because I didn't have enough work to afford it, and really the experience of buying stuff online only to find the advertised color was a lie, specially if its red was a huge waste of time and money. And my guardians fed up with me asking them to return things, ungraciously. I liked my room eventually

After prolonged periods of depression, I found myself longing for my traditional art, flicking through my old diary. I craved to return able to draw on paper again, and the few times I tried, memories, good and bad gushed through. Relived again how it was to draw in secret and to love things you are constantly told are not for you or called it not natural and be punished severely for.. just made me cry over how culture always just hurt for the sake of hurting and uses religion as a loose cape, mourning them using it to exclude while it was something aimed to be harmonious with all and they never focus on being actual good people over keeping appearances.. for the longest time making me wonder if something was actually wrong with me beyond just being different than them.. now there's plethora of mental things thanks to their abuse. Starting with my inability to look at people without feeling quick to panic discomfort. Making me see this isolation as they say, a "blessing in disguise ". I don't know how to take that as, tbh, I still to this day get nightmares of when I used to live in big houses with multiple families, or the endless schools I went to.

I started drawing on paper bit by bit. The minute I find myself overwhelmed I stop. With time I felt I can enjoy it again, and recalled all what passer through my mind as kid, how I fantasised of owning the chunkiest coloring tin or the thickest drawing paper. So decided to get sketchbooks and notebooks and try everything new, I didn't care

I didn't know where to start, so I got randomly selected sketchbook and one lockable journal, so I can hopefully write diary again like i used to. I show everything i get to them but already Guardians couldn't help themselves and flick though it, I didn't say anything but my inside automatically clinched and turned into an angry imp snatching to have it back, like i used to actually react when they searched my school things for doodles.

I changed the lock c:

I learned of the existence of more mechanical pencil sizes so I got every possible one, carefully not breaking my law of owning only red and black things, hehe. Also some essentials so my guardians won't comment on my spending ways. Like a tooth brush, and the best bonnet ever. I also got myself a backpack for my pen people to live in, for the longest time I wanted a shark backpack but this one just screamed Mani (it was cheaper 😝). As kid I had a red bag with snoopy's face on it, it was my literal safe zone that I carried it everywhere, pretended to travel in cardboard boxes with and had many garbage things stored in it that ment something dear to me, already that blissful feeling is regenerated when i wore it. And hopefully next month I get work to buy colors..

I got my eyes on those atm

(Also something funny, I can promise you I got the talk about devil worship from them for getting horns, and here's the thing; they know about the actual sketchy devil worship practices, its a common knowledge in our surroundings. To me, having red horns it felt Mani like, style euphoria, I love being a polite naughty gentlethem and that spoke of it clearly to me so I didn't care too much)

I also in my careless defiance rush, bought a shoulder- abaya that resembles more of a cloak, to me at least. To help dim my dysphoria even for the tiniest bit and maybe give me one point of courage to want to go out when possible. 'Cause the only thought i have when I'm out is absolute fear, or brain blanking out on me and i freeze in my place

I was stressed for so long that they might fight me on it because they never allowed me to wear but the cover ups of their choice from the dark ages, one I could not walk in or see where I was headed in (i actually wear glasses to see), but I presented it to them and I don't think they noticed.

Maybe now i can feel comfortable in it, throughout the years I never really adjusted to wearing it— having almost no occasion to leave the house 3/4 of my life. It was never something i felt connected to, been only a reminder of pure shame and embarrassment. From the very first day I started to cover my face at middle school, was forced to do that the day before, non of my guardians taught me how to wear it. And the minute it fell from my face thanks to my clumsy attempts at tying it, my face was welcomed with— not the fresh air and 4k sight clarity, but a slap that knocked me back into the car. Followed by an entire hysterical berating, calling me a sl*t and what have you, for everyone who was dropping their kids to see and hear.

I didnt know it at the time, but i was also mocked of how I wore it many times by my peers, while some took petty on me and dressed me themselves. I merely envied those foreign students who wore it just to follow the school rules and offed it the minute they got into their cars to leave. I still have no answer to what I truly want, and thats okay..

I forgot to mention how they can be super pricy, so I got the cheapest I could, resulting it being thick, strings jutting everywhere, way too big on me and all of its buttons fell. So I had to do some long hem shortenings and buttons sewing, I think I started to like it

I now just need someone to hold my hand and never let go, to take me to the hospital and hypothetically be my voice till mine return... manifesting

Oh and i did drew alot of snarry cuz it was my only cure during this time of dissociative routine, ofc endless of sketches that did not make it and 2 did, and still more to come hopefully when I continue to feel better

I wish you all the best in this world my dears, your burdens ease and your heart beats with your desires met , mani loves you ❤️‍🔥🍀🕊🙏

24.6.2022

[epersonae]

A day being like

Get woken up by cat way too early

Feed the cat

Go back to sleep

Wake up the usual amount of early, write the beginning of a new fic

Wear one of their t-shirts

Walk in the beautiful sunny morning and take pictures of flowers and think about those few days at home over the holiday weekend before they died

Have a totally normal conversation with the barista, show off the fat bees tattoo without explaining that it's in memory of them

Draw a tarot card, remember the card I drew while I was home last year (4 of wands: that deck, which they gave me, is still in time out)

Edit a chapter to post a day late, chat about editing suggestions with my beta

Realize that the next chapter has some Big Sad content so maybe I will try to post it on time

Wonder if they would have encouraged this terrible new idea I started last night, remember the day in 2018 when I wrote something I didn't even ship and they said it was the best kiss I'd ever written

Water the veggies, remember how I had to let last year's garden die, get mad at my old landlord again

Eat open-faced cheese and tomato sandwiches, wish for someone to share the tomato with, remember that Ryn hated tomatoes but they tried once for me

Nap

Wonder if they would have been friends with people I've met through ofmd

Get excited that Emi is liking the mafia AU that I like

Update Straight Guy Friend about who's going to be here next weekend, read his DM grumping about his new copy of Sunset Tree on vinyl has a scratch, remind each other why everyone was excited for cassette and CD back in the day (look at Ryn's record player, the disc on it that I just bought, think again how it was being made while they were still alive, I think, but they never got to hear it)

Remember that yesterday was their best friend's birthday, hope her copy arrives soon

Rubber ducking in video chat

Write a half a sentence of a fic

Write two sentences of a different fic

Feed the cat

My weekly zoom call with my knitting group, hear all about someone's job hunt, give each other project advice, joke about being able to spot common projects "in the wild"

Spent 15 minutes trying to decide whether to go to [redacted] to return something, because [redacted] works there, or at least did several months ago. Do it anyway, he's not there, it's fine.

Get a new idea for how to resolve a plot point while reading discord in the sonic drive thru

Sing out loud in the car on the way home wishing I could sing to them

Don't cry, somehow, all day (so far)

[binniedeactivated]

Little¡!  || txt 🍼

✎𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: 𝐭𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐫!𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐦𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐲

✎ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞

✎ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕; 1.3k

𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮𝑺; 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒍𝒆!𝒕𝒙𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝑴𝑫𝑳𝑩, 𝑨𝑩𝑭, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑳𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒌𝒔. 𝑰𝒇 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒊 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆. 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒇𝒇 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒊𝒕.

𝒓𝒆𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕; I was thinking of this one request i had for a little!txt request (again, not sure if I sent this in or not ashnn): it’s more of a baby! or toddler!txt x mommy! reader (but you can change it to little! x caregiver! if you like!) so it’s basically where taehyun is scared of thunderstorms but wants to be a big boy and show his older brothers he can sleep on his own. but obviously he can’t 🥺 so he uses his baby brother Kai as an excuse to sneak into his mom’s room for cuddles?

❝ [ @𝒃𝒖𝒈𝒔𝒃𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒆] 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒈𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒇𝒇...

it was that kind of night again.

the nights that taehyun hated. It was storming outside and the rain was beating the glass of his bedroom window. He swallows watching a flash of lightening streak across the darkened sky. With a flash came a loud clap and a roar that was loud enough to make taehyun shrivel underneath his blankets.

it's going to be okay. it's okay. taehyun tried his best to assure himself but his nervousness was raising his body temperature thus making the air underneath the blankets hot and thicker than he expected. He could barely breath under there but it was the closest to the feeling of safety that his mommy gave him.

"tyun you aren't scared are you?". yeonjun teases with his arms folded behind his head. his bed was across from tyun's like how soobin's was across from gyu's. Kai's bed was right beside tyun's but his bed was also vacant, as kai often made it his duty to cuddle with his mommy on nights like this.

something tyun wished he could do.

"Of course he is, look at him. he's hiding!". soobin chimes in. he smirks a little when he sees the small boy peaking from the blankets trying to mask his fear as best as he could. "you know if you're scared you can go in mommy's bed with kai. the hyung's are okay in here". yeonjun adds knowing full well tyun was scared shitless. Yeonjun's comment left a feeling of distress washing over his younger brother's small frame. Thunder rolled across the sky yet again and he trembled at the sound feeling his bladder become weak. "hey! I'm a hyung too. I don't need to be in mommy's bed". he lied. He swallows at the sound of the rain coming down much harder this time around. The splatter of water made him squeeze his legs together tightly, the last thing he wanted was to ruin his bedsheets and pajama shorts over this. "oh because if you need mommy's bed you're not a big boy. that makes you a baby". gyu responds, joining in on the teasing from his own bed. "I am a big boy! I'm in my own bed aren't I?".

"barely. your head isn't even out of your covers all the way". soobin points out. taehyun hesitantly sticks his head out a bit more, not even realizing that himself. His grips his blanket firmly with his clammy fists. "Leave me alone hyung. I can sleep in my own bed. You guys stop messing with me!". they all snicker in laughter at his sudden outburst. Each of them turn over, getting comfortable. "yeah who are we kidding?". yeonjun teases, "taehyun is a big boy like us". watching each of them get comfortable was like a nightmare for taehyun who usually had kai to talk to him throughout his nightly endeavors. Call him a loser all you wanted but he enjoyed conversing with his baby brother. He was precious and he always tried to protect taehyun even if he was younger. But if this is what being a big boy meant, learning to sleep alone then he would have to learn to adjust.

He settled in his blankets watching the silhouettes of his older brothers drift off into their own slumber. Taehyun found the concept insane, being able to sleep comfortably with thunder and lightening flashing through the bedroom windows. It was scary to watch, especially with the weeping willow tree grazing his window. In the daytime, the tree was his friend. he often sat under it to read, climbed up it with kai on sunny days and eat ice cream, and if it's safe to tell you, sometimes he talked to it when he had troubles that he didn't want tell his brothers about. He imagined it was like a grandpa, listening and nodding wisely whenever he expressed his feelings. At night though, and especially during storms he grew scared of the papa willow tree he often found comfort in. It looked angry when it was waving like that in the thunderous breeze, like the branches was reaching out to grab him at any given moment. The thought alone made his heart tank.

you can do this tyunnie. you can sleep. nothing is going to hurt you.

try telling that to the sky, taehyun thought. The thunder rumbled above him and surges of lightening fell across it in his wake. The breeze whirled, so much that the tree actually looked like it was winding back this time. Taehyun felt his heart stop at the sight, each of the branches waiving back long and thin in the light blue void. Taehyun braced himself allowing his conscience to draw a face on the tree bark, one that scared him enough to where his bladder let loose. One by one the branches were coming towards him which led him scurrying out of his bed and into the hallway with a high pitched whine.

tyun couldn't help himself anymore, he was a wimp. Not just that, he just peed himself. The warmth of his fresh tears made his cheeks rosy, his face flushed a cherry red as he cried right in the hallway. Right in the middle of the puddle he was making beneath his feet.

great. just great. he thought.

"tyunnie? what's the matter what happened?". his mommy saw her little boy with his arms over his small face crying, his black shiny strands covering his forehead. he tries his best to look at her with clear eyes but every single time he spoke a knot would form in his throat and he would start crying again. He hated this. He hated feeling like a baby but he was scared. She took her thumbs and dried his tears from his cheeks. she could tell that whatever the problem was, taehyun didn't want to talk about it.

"How about we get you cleaned up okay?".

taehyun was grateful for that, grateful for her. grateful that she gave him a bath that night and told him stories about the things she used to do during thunder storms when she was his age, like read books and play outside. taehyun thought it was crazy that she even left the house during a time like that but that's one thing he loved about her. she was fearless. "you were never afraid of thunderstorms mommy?". taehyun asks while she washes around his ears. "nope, never. I never thought of it as something to be scared of. It was interesting to me". taehyun nodded to himself. "why tyunnie? are you scared of thunderstorms?". he quickly shook his head. "no never! I was just curious that's all". she smiled to herself, finishing up washing his face.

when he was all dry and now in clean clothes she bends to kiss him on his cheeks. the softness of her lips always made him blush. It was obvious whenever taehyun blushed, his dimples waded deep in his cheeks. "I love you tyun. I want you to sleep well okay?". sensing that she was about to leave he clamps his tiny hands around her wrists. "mommy is it okay if I sleep with you tonight? I like talking to kai kai before bed". he lied, well kind of. He liked talking to kai but he was also afraid to sleep alone. She obliged, taking his hand and leading him to her room.

Words couldn't describe how safe he felt within the comfort of his mommy and heuning kai on her huge bed and fluffy blankets. "Hi hyung! are you sleeping with us tonight?". kai smiled brightly in his pink onesie, more than happy to see his brother. Tyun nods with a small smile. His mommy cuddled them both, allowing their heads to sink onto her chest. She had put on a cartoon for them to watch and all of tyun's fear and anxiety left his tiny little heart. He heard thunder and saw all kinds of lightening but it no longer phased him.

If this made him a baby, maybe tyun didn't want to be a big boy after all.

[crying-fantasies]

Happy End: Try and fall

Wake from your sleep

Masterlist

Prev/Next

It's sunny outside, the salty breeze hits you in the face but you welcome it with the sensation of sand on your toes, the sun doesn't get at you directly thanks to the straw hat that one of the guys put in you before going out, you look at the sand around you, the boys and Megan playing in the water, your arm with a cast now colorful with drawings and your friends hero names.

Except for one.

You look at Superboy, but he is deep in the water right now, it was for the better, you still didn't recover from his sudden, and understandable, fit of rage of the last time, but even with all that by the time that you noticed his face and body resurface he also noticed you.

Against the usual angry expression what you got was a Superboy that got you a pink float that he secured on your arms and then one black that got you afloat with your injured arm out of the water.

It was kindness, it was a weird way to show it, but it was good.

Superboy remained in the same idea that he shouted at you back then: "Don't talk to me!" right at the face, and, once again, you understood his uproar and accepted his words, he could approach you again if he wanted to do it, you believed that yes, he should be the one to come to you first.

Everyone was having fun, and it was contagious while eating some with them around, it was peaceful, some good normal day after so long.

And then the new girl appeared, you felt troubled, because she was, even when no one talked about it, a replacement for Roy, who you didn't think twice before calling in order to know if he was okay or if he knew about it.

"I don't have time for your pretty words now" oh good, he was still the same, hearing his voice after so long and directly to your ear.

You really had it hard with him.

"Oh, sweet, how are you, Roy? I'm fine, thanks for asking" there is a pause and then he sighed, shortly after he made a sound similar to a laugh, a fake one, you could hear how his bow was being tensed, you heard it enough times already to recognize it to this point.

"Why are you calling me?" Harsh as always, maybe you really called him in a bad moment, could it be that he was on a mission by himself? Nevermind, you weren't going to ask that.

"I just wanted to know if you were okay, with all this changes I know that it's hard-"

"You don't know my situation"

"I kind of know, alright?" Oh great, she shouted at him, why it was so difficult for him to understand that she cared for him? But, now, it was only a matter of time before he ended the call, but he just kept on talking to her.

"Well, I heard some things out here, so, what happened to your arm?" Oh.

Oh, yes, this was it, these were words that the Roy that you knew would say, it warmed your belly for reasons that you already accepted long ago.

"It's the constant reminder of my first training without supervision" he laughed, well, kinda, before there was more sound at his end.

" I gotta go, call you later" and then he ended the call, well, at least he said that he would call, even when you knew that he was going to forget about it.

But it still put a smile on your face for the rest of the day, you didn't care for the guys jokes about it, Robin and Kid Flash already knew of your feelings, you didn't care of the strange energy around because of the new girl, you didn't even care when you were about to chop on of your fingers while doing the dinner for that day only to be stopped by Aqualad and left in Superboy's care.

"I'm fine, it's just a carrot for the food" he looked at you, then at the thing, how you tried to chop it even with your bad arm.

He didn't say a thing, only taking the kitchen knife from you and trying to do what you were doing, failing in the process and making you laugh.

"It's okay, I will show you"

Dry out your tears

[wastelandcth]

Call if You Need Me - cth

part of nation of two

summary: We meet Petra and Calum. Two souls who keep running into each other. The beginning to a nation of two that brings Calum and Petra to realize how much they love the sun on one another.

author’s notes: Welcome back to Nation of Two! Thanks for your patience with this series! I’m very excited to be sharing this new version of it with you and I hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I do!

warnings: Brief mentions of sex

masterlist || request || read it on AO3 || next part

When Calum first met Petra, his life seemed to look brighter. Days were warmer and the birds sang a little louder whenever he walked outside. It was as if everything used to be in black and white and Petra brought the color. It was as if some higher power above Calum brought him to a random park in LA and his life was forever changed. He'd never seen her before, which wasn't hard to do since LA was filled with people and the chance of seeing her again was minute. 

Okay, maybe that was a lie. Calum had seen her before. It was like fate had been playing jokes on him. 

The first time he'd seen Petra, he didn't even know her name. She'd been ahead of him at the grocery store. She'd been unloading her groceries onto the belt, colorful fruits, and vegetables that made Calum's basket seem dull in color, the cashier and her both chatting over a drink Petra had been excited to try. Calum had been watching, and listening, to her absentmindedly. He'd stopped by to grab a few snacks and drinks before the band's slot at the studio began. 

Calum liked her smile. He liked how she was polite and didn't interrupt the cashier when she told her about the other flavors of the energy drink that Calum was making a mental note about getting next time around. He also liked, and he might've chuckled he doesn't remember now, Petra's reusable bags which were a mix of tote bags that had different patterns on them. His favorite had to be the canvas bag that had been stamped with a drawing of a corgi with an umbrella. 

Calum had never been one to approach people he didn't know in public, especially pretty women who took his breath away, so it was no surprise when he watched Petra walk out of the grocery store with her bags as he waited for the cashier to finish ringing up his groceries. He wouldn't even know what to say if he had gone after her. He'd probably just make a fool of himself and end up with flushed cheeks at the studio as he thought back on the moment. So with his snacks and non energized drinks in a plastic bag, Calum made his way out of the grocery store, his eyes searching the parking lot in hopes of seeing the woman with the bright smile and colorful groceries. 

The second time Calum saw Petra, he thought he'd imagined it. His hands were full with his laptop, journal, and the iced coffee he'd been nursing all morning in the way of him opening the door to the record shop he was meant to meet Ashton at. Looking helpless, Calum tried to figure out the best way to open the door, until his savior showed up from inside the store. 

"Oh, sorry. I didn't see you there," Petra laughed, her eyebrows raising as she noticed the confused look on Calum's face, "Hands full?"

"Huh?" Calum mumbled as he looked at her in somewhat awe, "Oh, uh, yeah. Thank you," he chuckled before stepping into the record shop, his head nodding at her. 

"Don't worry about it, have a nice day! They have really good records today," she said and waved, giving him a bright smile before she continued on with her day. 

Calum would've been lying if he said he hadn't felt his heart race and his palms sweat as he talked with her. It might've even been embarrassing if he thought too much about it, how a short and polite conversation between two strangers could rile him up this much. But with a deep breath and another sip of the now watered-down coffee, Calum walked around the store, trying to find Ashton and wondering if he'd ever see Petra again. 

"Oh, it's you again. Are you sure you're not stalking me?" Petra's voice broke Calum out of his gaze, her laugh warming his skin as he tried his best not to blush. 

Calum was used to his fans following his every move. He was used to them knowing where he was before he even knew and it had gotten to the point where he'd rarely want to leave the comfort of his home. But this was just strange. In the past two months, Calum had seen Petra a handful of times. Since their initial two meetings, Calum had spotted her at the same brunch spot that Michael had taken him to on a sunny Wednesday. He'd also seen her at the beach when he'd taken Duke after a stressful studio session. It seemed like everywhere Calum went, Petra had beat him to it. And even now, as he'd stopped at the flower shop down the street from the grocery store, Petra was strolling through the aisles of vases that Calum just so happened to walk into. 

"It would seem that way, huh?" Calum said with a nervous chuckle, "Guess we just keep on meeting,"

"Some people would call that fate, you know?" Petra teased, her eyebrow-raising as she stuck her hand out for him to shake, "I'm Petra."

"Petra. Nice to meet you again," Calum laughed and took her hand in his, giving it a soft squeeze as she shook them, "I'm Calum."

"Yeah, I know," she mumbled, her eyes widening a bit, "Shit no, that sounded creepy. I just meant that-"

"Are you sure you're not the one who's stalking me?" Calum asked, no malice in his voice, and the smile he was trying to hide gave way to his teasing.

"Haha. I'm just a fan of your work. Who wouldn't be, you guys are changing the music scene," Petra nodded and shrugged, her addicting smile once again blessing Calum's presence. 

"I appreciate that Petra, it means a lot," he nodded, "So you're buying flowers for someone special?"

Petra laughed at that, her eyes looking past him before making their way back to meet his. Calum felt the familiar warmth that spread over his body whenever he'd seen her in the past two months, the feeling that something was meant to happen. Calum couldn't deny that she was beautiful, besides her smile that always seems to be on his mind these days, Calum found himself looking over her as well. Watching the way her curls bounced on her shoulders and the way her sundress seemed to match the warm weather and warmth he felt inside. 

"Uh, no. Can't a woman buy herself flowers something?" she asked, "Are you?"

"Can't a man buy himself some flowers?" Calum returned, his chuckle soft as he shrugged, "I guess I should go pay for these then. It was nice to properly meet you, Petra," 

"Calum," she said with a nod, "Have a nice day. Maybe fate will have us meet again," she teased and with a wave, she was walking back down the aisle. 

And Calum really hoped that this time, fate would be on his side. 

"Morning," Petra's soft voice broke Calum out of his early morning thoughts, "Have you been awake long?"

Calum's head turned to the side, the breath he'd been planning to let go of getting caught in his throat as his eyes landed on Petra. Her room was the perfect representation of who she was. The plants that adorned the window left the smell of rain in her room almost constantly. The soft covers that Calum found himself under the majority of the time he'd spent with her reminded him of clouds. But his favorite part of Petra's bedroom was the giant window next to her bed which let the sunlight filter in and land on her in the mornings. She always looked ethereal in the mornings, her soft skin glowing under the sun as her curls covered her eyes. It was Calum's favorite way to wake up, with Petra by his side, her soft breaths against his shoulder. He loved waking up next to her almost as much as he loved falling asleep next to her, watching how the moonlight illuminated her as her thoughts drifted from coherent to a mumbling of words. 

"No, just a few minutes, how'd you sleep?" Calum mumbled, sleep still evident in his voice as he cleared his throat to try and chase it away. 

"Extremely comfortable," she mumbled, her lips pressing a soft kiss onto his shoulder, "Slept next to the man I love, couldn't ask for anything better than that, huh?"

Calum's sleepy smile matched hers, his body turning onto its side so he could pull her close to his chest. It had been six months since Calum had bought her those flowers she'd been holding. Six months since he'd asked the cashier to slip the little white card with his phone number into the bouquet. Six months since Calum had picked up the phone on a sunny evening and listened to Petra tease him over the cheesy message he'd left her. 

“Pretty flowers for a woman who deserves them, that’s pretty cheesy, don’t you think?” Petra had asked, her voice soft as Calum’s cheeks flushed. He’d been sitting on his couch, his hands sweaty as he tried to excuse the action but it didn’t matter, Petra had already fallen for him and his cheesiness, “You have a way with words, Calum.”

“Maybe I can make up for the cheesiness soon?” Calum asked, trying to keep his voice steady as he ran a hand through the curls that had been long for too long and ached to be cut, “Maybe I can take you out sometime soon?”

“I’d like that a lot,” Petra mumbled, hoping that Calum couldn’t hear her giddiness or the smile that was adorning her face, even over the phone, “Throwing fate into your own hands?”

“Of course, we have to do that at some point, don’t we?”

And after last night's confessions, when both were too lost in one another's bodies and lips to hold back their emotions for any longer, their night together went from a simple date to a confession of love. It was something that Calum had put off for so long in his life, something that he'd tried before and failed. Something that had broken him so badly he'd shut the world out for so long. But with Petra, loving her was nothing more than common sense. It was wanting her by his side and buying her pretty flowers whenever he passed by the flower shop. So when Petra whispered those three little words to him in between moans and kisses, Calum never hesitated to say them back because he'd known the truth for months. He loved Petra and she loved him. 

And he couldn't ask for anything more. He loved Petra on her good days and on her bad days. He loved Petra when it was raining outside and her pout hid away the beautiful smile Calum had fallen for all those months ago. He loved her in the supermarket when they were the only people walking down the fluorescent-lit aisles in the late hours of the night. He loved her when they were in the darkness of his living room, talking into the morning lights about everything and nothing. 

If you asked Petra, which her parents did a lot, she'd tell you the same things. That she loved Calum to the farthest galaxy and back. That the moon and the stars could never shine as bright as he did and that the sunlight on his golden-brown skin was something she could study daily. She loved Calum even if he preferred rainy days over the sunny ones she loved so much. Petra knew he'd been hurt before, that he'd hidden his heart behind a wall of ice and that it had taken a lot of time and working on himself to get to where they were. She knew that Calum could be like the bird his name was meant for, that he could get spooked and fly away at any moment. But Petra loved that even with all the fears and the doubts his mind gave him, he'd whispered how much he loved her the night before, his breathy moans in her ear as he confessed how he'd felt. 

It was a sunny afternoon when Petra first saw Calum. He had his hands full and was struggling to open the door of the record shop that her friend had recently started working at. Petra had promised to stop by and maybe buy a few albums to boost her friend's sales for the day. She'd just finished checking out and was on her way out when she'd spotted him. She recognized him immediately, the pink pressed vinyl in her bag had his face on it, and so she opened the door for him. She liked his eyes, how they widened when he realized he wasn't going to have to drop his coffee or laptop on the ground in order to open the door. She liked the breathy laugh he gave her before walking into the store and the way her heart raced once she had walked back to her car and had a mini freak out over meeting one of her favorite artists. Had she regretted not saying anything else besides a joke? Of course, she had, she could've asked for a picture of even for him to sign the vinyl she'd just bought, but Petra had decided that if it was meant to be, she'd see him again. 

"Oh, I don't know mom, it's weird! I've only seen him in passing! I've said maybe a handful of words to him and to make matters worse he's a famous musician who will probably never know my name," Petra huffed as she got back into her car after once again seeing Calum at the bookstore she visited every once in a while, "What if he thinks I'm just a crazy stalker fan?"

"Petra, darling, you're a beautiful young woman. He'd be a fool to those harsh things about you. Maybe you've already caught his eye and he's the one who's nervous to say anything to you." Petra's mother said over the phone, the evident noises of cooking in the background, "Next time you see him, you should talk to him. You can't get struck by lightning if you're not standing in the rain."

"Mom, that is the most terrifying metaphor you could've used. I hope you know that," Petra mumbled as she laid her head back against her headrest. 

"I love you Petra, be safe," her mom chuckled, "Go dancing out in the rain for a change!"

Petra had known her mom meant well. She'd been living in LA for almost a year and she had yet to put herself out there. Sure, she had friends and her coworkers were always inviting her out to bar nights and social events. But Petra craved the attention of someone. She'd been single for years now and moving to LA had been a step towards changing that. She was meant to find herself and what she wanted to do with her life here. She knew meeting Calum in multiple places around this giant city hadn't been coincidences, she knew that fate had a funny way of playing with her and she was just supposed to take everything thrown at her with a grain of salt. 

Petra smiled as she listened to Calum talk over the phone, he was chatting about the latest city the band was in. He'd been gone for a few weeks, living his life and playing shows every night. Sure, Petra missed him, she missed him like crazy every day whenever she woke up in an empty bed and when she ate breakfast alone. But she knew that Calum had missed being on stage and missed singing in front of a crowd. Even if that meant that Petra and Calum couldn't be together for a while, it'd be worth it. 

"P, you there?" Calum asked, chuckling quietly, Petra could hear the smile in his voice, could see him leaning against the tour bus with that soft smile she loved so much, "Or did you disappear on me?"

"Sorry, yeah I'm here." Petra laughed quietly, "What were you saying?"

"I'm coming home, babe," Calum said happily, "We've got a break and I'm gonna fly out to spend time with you."

Calum was packing up his bag on the counter of her bathroom, the glass wall of her shower made him look like a blur. The warm water from the showerhead was hitting her body, soothing the aches from the night before as she listened to Calum talk about his most recent trip. Her eyes were closed as she massaged shampoo into her hair, but she could still picture Calum, his hands above his head, or playing an invisible bass as he told Petra about the moment he and the band knew they'd cracked the code on their latest single. 

"So do I get a sneak peek of it?" Petra asked as she finished shampooing her hair, her eyes opening to meet Calum, who was standing next to the entrance of the shower. 

"You wish," he laughed and shook her head, "Gotta wait until we have the master done, lovebug."

"Ugh, I thought dating one of your favorite musicians meant you got to listen to new music first?" she mumbled in fake annoyance, her hands moving to splash Calum with water. 

"Oh you're gonna pay for that one," he laughed and before Petra knew it, Calum's arms were wrapped around hers and the water was splashing them both. 

"You're supposed to be packing, dork. Can't leave if you don't have a suitcase packed," Petra mumbled against his lips, her thumb stroking his jawline.

"Stop revealing my plans, honey," he whispered and pulled her into another kiss, "You forgot an important part of my plan though."

"Oh yeah? And what would that be, Dove?" she asked quietly, the familiar nickname bringing a redness to Calum’s cheeks, and smiled as she followed a water drop that rolled down his forehead to his jaw. It rolled down slowly, almost as if it too was taking its time enjoying the feeling of Calum’s skin against it.

"You're coming with me. Taking you home with me this time." 

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[kotikaleo]

I had an interesting dream/nightmare right now. It was a bit scary but also was a neutral too, so i don't know how to call this.

Anyway. I saw a film. A film about serial killer. Or most importantly about man, boy becoming one. It was called "[name that i forgot] grey". All lowercase and a name had some symbolic meaning too so I won't write any name that came to my mind. Probably later I will try to draw a logo of that film, it was pretty remarkable.

The point of this film was neutrality. Main characters name was [name that i forgot but has a meaning of neutral] Grey. He lived in a small town near to the mountains in a pine wood. It was a sunny place but as usual with problems (like Twin Peaks i think). There was a big road coming through the city, cutting into the mountains in some places but mostly coming up and to the other side.

Film was showing [name] Gray an a small boy who was bullied. He was too shy and quiet to stand up for himself. He had a loving mother who was also really quiet, and a dad who hated that and bullied him and his wife naming them "мямля" - mumbler and also weak and pathetic. And [name] Grey was slowly realizing what's happening around but didn't know how to change that. For now.

Okay under the cut I will describe a lot of grose details about his killings and and stuff, so tw for blood, vomiting and slow and painful death.

Sooo... One of the ways he was bullied - kids made him eat dirt with pieces of newspapers in it. And something sticky too, they presented this as "grey soup". Of course that caused him to vomit and kids made him eat all of that again and again. But he never told about this to parents, and city doctors also was silent about this (I don't know why, maybe he was just a dick).

All started slowly changing when [name] Grey witnessed something. In one of the short tunnels was some kind of anti earthquake system and he saw as one of they guys (short, but a bit taller then Grey, blonde a bit chubby boy) who bullied him, slipped and fell into that weird system of air chambers and concrete walls under the road, under the tunnel. That blonde guy hit hard and broke a leg. And a few things stopped Grey for calling for help:

First police man who he found on the road was drunk same as his partner. So they didn't take him seriously. When he tried to tell his parents, they also wouldn't listen. And in the end of the day noone was looking for the blonde guy (he was living only with grandma, and she used to him not coming home sometimes)

This how Grey end up having one of his bullies in the trap with broken leg. At first he was bringing some snacks to him, and was promising that he will call for help. But slowly Grey realized that he enjoys this guy's suffering and cruelty and anger slowly started to build up in his soul. He was curious how far he can make that blonde guy go, and mixed some snacks with dirt.

Well... I think you know where it was going.

In the end that guy died, and Grey put up a plan of lurking up there a few more people. Next was two people at the same time, but in a different cells. One was another bullie and another one of that drunk policeman. He was trying to make so that another bullie told what he have done to Grey, but he refused.

Slowly in a few days (maybe a week) Grey was mixing more dirt than snacks into food that he gave them, and at the last day he gave them dirt mixed with pieces of newspapers where missing posters was printed on, saying "eat my grey soup".

...

Around here I woke up, but I know that story haven't finished. He grow up and was killing people that way. He was around 37 when he stopped because he got into a hospital with some illness and died. It was probably caused by all of that eaten dirt and the fact that he barely ate all his rest life. (he also looked a bit like Joker in the last film about him - tall, lean, with sunken cheeks and greasy medium long hair)

The end. I think it was an interesting dream, because it wasn't so scary and even was pretty (in parts with landscapes and normal people life). So I decided to share it. Take care guys.

[ignoredtransartist]

So, a couple weeks ago I said that I had started to draw Qibli as a zombie, but the app sucked and deleted by progress, so I lost motivation. Well, when I saw Popcross Studios' zombie Sunny, I got motivation again.

Here's the comparison of my old, unfinished version and the new one I just finished~ Blood/Gore trigger warning

Let me tell you, I was tickled by how much I've improved.

Old picture, August last year

New one! Base and zombified versions

Details and ideas

First time doing a lot of blood, plus experimenting with shadows.

I tried to make it look like smoke was coming off of his back, like he had been briefly set on fire.

Bruised skin and scales.

Then there's multiple stab wounds from sandwing stingers, with black poison mixed with blood.

Tearing on the neck, mouth, ear, and wings. One of his wings is completely mangled, so he wouldn't be able to fly even if zombie dragons still know how to.

I tried to draw his intestines through the rip in his stomach, plus the tendons, bones and muscles in the thick of his tail and the arm and tips of his wings.

He's missing a finger,and there are chunks taken out of his bicep and thigh. Smaller cuts on his forhead and nicks in his lips.

I tried to give him a Resident Evil-esque pupil; almost looks like he's blind, but he can actually still see very well.

The "sails" on his head and back are shredded.

There's a small bite mark on his tail, from where he was bitten by an infected dragonet after trying to help them (before he realized it was too late).

I imagine that he got the tear on his mouth after he grabbed someone and they tried to keep him from biting them by pushing his head away, but they just ended up tearing through his cheek with their claw as he forced against it and bit them anyway.

The background (in the original) was suppost to be the arena in the Stronghold, and while I can't remember most of the base I came up with (if I even had one), basically it shows how he's absolutely lost his mind, attacking and killing the dragons he used to care about. I just decided to keep the idea, since I was more interested in the character than the background.

I also imagine that there's still a hint of what the dragon's personality/intelligence was,even after they turn. Example: Qibli is still fast and intelligent, even using tricks like throwing other dragons/zombies/corpses at his "prey" to slow them down and/or distract them. He also is more likely to not attack right away, instead stalking them silently and out of sight, and/or waiting for the other zombies to slow them down (if said "prey" has been able to fight them off/has a weapon, etc).

Also on that note, zombies tend to stick around each other if they had a good relationship before, or try to rip each other apart if they hated each other. Considering the fact that they were in the middle of a war (or just after), zombie brawls aren't an uncommon sight.

In this particular picture/story, JMA never came to be, so Qibli was still in the Sand Queendom.

(I might have another storyline/whatever where Jade Mountain DID come to be and the zombievirus showed up after the fact. In which case, my first idea was that the Jade Group is attacked during their escapade and Qibli and Winter are bit while letting the others get away and they turn together and become hunting buddies... yes I'm zombifying ships, I already know I'm weird. I also made a sketch a couple years ago where Winter was turned first and bit Qibli, who didn't try to stop him.. so, zombie romance.)

Yes, I gave him slightly different colors than canon, but I think it looks better than just *YELLOW*.

(No, I am not particularly following Popcross' storyline, though this one could fit into the same world. I'm just recalling what I already came up with last year, even though story wasn't my main focus then).

Song I listened to to get the vibe: Three Days Grace "Get Out Alive"