#I didn’t want to have to haunt you

[sailor-hufflepuff]

Just a formal update to let everyone know that recently my Shadow and Bone story, “I Didn’t Want To (Have to Haunt You)” has been officially renamed “A Sun in Retrograde”.

Maybe it’s stupid to rename something over a year after it’s completion date, but the original title - chosen at one am for what was supposed to be a one, maybe two shot story - has bothered me more and more as time has gone on. I wanted to change it back when I was writing itch but by then I had enough people following it that I didn’t want to confuse anyone. And the longer it got, the less I felt like I COULD change it, even as the plot increasingly moved away from being related to the title at all.

But, with support from the DDS, I finally made the switch to something that doesn’t make me cringe every time I see it, something that doesn’t take forever to type out every time I mention it, something that does a better job showing the theme and plot of the story.

I’ve kept the original title in the summary, as well as adding a tag, so I REALLY hope it doesn’t confuse anyone, and that it’s still easy to find.

So anyway, here it is, my original “Alina wakes up in the past and does everything differently” story:

[wyyvoren]

you are in rags once again, clawing and tearing your way through hell. you begin to think it, maybe it’s you who needs to do it. to balance the scales. be the hand of justice and guide these so called righteous sects into the ground. bury the mountain, pull it from the heavens, topple it down to nothing. they do not deserve heaven. you do not deserve heaven. you think there’s no one in the world who does.

[ID: fanart of Luo Binghe clawing open an abyssal creature, covered in blood and dirt. innards spew across the screen. End ID]

[elizabethzoopzoop986]

I hate this fucking manga how am I supposed to have a life and write essays about shit when I sit down start to think and all that comes to mind is some gay little toilet freaks istg it’s a hard knock life

[tetzoro]

the day the earth stood still is the day i felt your presence leave it, and then every day after that.

[dandelionjack]

i hope ruby gets a well-that’s-alright-then-style notdeath. on the one hand it will make haters mad because oh no not another companion with an impermanent end (and i like to see haters mad) on the other it would require creativity to depict this in a new way + i love all the implications i love the dark fairytale quality of these companion exits i love my un-undead schrodinger’s women

with the way the legend of ruby sunday is titled… legends aren’t usually told about living people. legends are stories of the bygone past, of an age long since over, fictionalised and overgrown with folklore like barnacles sticking to an abandoned shell. there is such a thing as a living legend, but they’re exceedingly rare. the unmistakeable raven’s call in the 73 yards teaser, the trailer’s cut to fifteen crying alone after promising to cherry he’d protect her daughter… the foreshadowing is clear as day…

and yet. there’s one massive HOWEVER. ruby appears in s15: millie’s been spotted on set filming it. which leads me to believe — the doctor isn’t one to take the time travel route and revisit companions that in his future are genuinely dead. that would hurt too much, it would cause unnecessary trauma and could break the timeline. that must mean ruby stays alive in some way. ish. she’s alive and a legend and a mystery. girl-ballad girl-song girl-paradox

here she is, fading out.

p.s.: thesis statement on moffatgirls from the tags i left on somebody else’s post about charley pollard.. well it belongs here since it’s basically the semiotic hurricane swirling around ruby at the moment :)

[aroanthy]

i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ‘dying’ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ‘death’ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time it’s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospital— was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? it’s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanae’s absence is not felt. she’s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ‘death’ is a tricky thing in utena, i think it’s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didn’t die. he grew up. etc etc

[ravenpureforever]

So guess who finally watched JJK

[tennessoui]

girl your hanahaki au is absolutely wrecking my shit i--- I don't ever read ongoing fics and this is why. I just cannot wait?!? But the waiting somehow makes it better too?!? I'm literally dead bro I can't I love it so much

hahah omg thank you !! I’m really happy to hear you took a chance on this wip and that you like it so much!

not to get on my soapbox or anything but you have given me a great corner to shout from

as a disclaimer I totally understand why people will choose not to read wips and I truly think you know your mental health and what you can stand to wonder about/think about/obsess over/NEED to know a conclusion for better than anyone else

BUT as a writer who almost exclusively posts in wips, people reading them before they’re finished is my life blood and I am so grateful and it makes the writing process so much more fun for me because I know at least someone else is invested in my brainworm of a story?? someone else is enjoying it and thinking about it and I’m putting a small amount of good into the world??

the best analogy I’ve been able to come up with is like:

when you read a finished fic you’re eating a whole meal and that’s great that’s so amazing (especially if you tell the cook you liked it after you’re done). and you’re literally always welcome to eat that meal whenever you want. finished fics are like standing dinner invitations: I am always happy to have you and I mean that very genuinely

but if you read a wip, you’re keeping me company in the kitchen while I cook. and that’s sort of priceless. in some instances, you can even tell me the food needs more spice and I’ll think about it and listen!!! you’re sitting on my kitchen counter as I bustle around my space and we’re talking about what I’m doing and also how I’m feeling and maybe how you’re feeling and it just feels like community more than anything else I’ve experienced in any fandom. like you’re with me in my space as I’m creating food I hope you like. we’re both invested and it’s amazing

and I think in general that’s why wips are a lot of fun and also maybe why the waiting between chapters is fun for you - you’ve suggested that I add paprika to the pot and you’re waiting and wondering if I will, and I’m laughing and hoping you like the soup either way but also wondering if paprika will work with the recipe, and if I can add a bit to it just for you while staying true to the dish I envisioned at the get go.

[thenightshadowqueen]

Listening to ‘My Tears Ricochet’ by Taylor Swift and thinking about Victor and Eli

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

which midnights song do you think is importantly to TTPD but not often in the conversation? (From your recent ask)

lol i hesitated answering this because it’s touchy but fuck it

With the caveat that I am NOT saying anything about its origin or inspiration so please don’t come after me for it because I am not platforming that conversation on main: BTTWS. The event or person that inspired it does not matter for the purposes of this answer or discussion, it’s the expression of grief that does, because grief is what drives TTPD.

The hollowed-out, desperate, all-consuming sadness of that song, the feeling of isolation and feeling alone in your pain, of wondering if there is something you could have done differently to change the timeline, is also the underpinning of TTPD.

I’ve said it several times on this blog, but no matter what inspired the song, the reason I think it’s on Midnights is because of the theme of grief and how it consumes you, and how it can leave you racked with guilt and rumination. (Tying in to all the other what-ifs on the album about sleepless nights.)

So no matter what triggers the grief, a sense of loss is what drives the decisions she makes in the stories in TTPD.

Obviously there are a lot of other songs that apply, and like I said in the post I linked earlier, all of Midnights feels like questions that TTPD answers, and all the songs figure on TTPD in some way.

[sailor-hufflepuff]

Just a moment of serendipity, I saw your post about people's reluctance in interacting with older internet content as I was coming onto your page to message you that my SO and I are doing a reread aloud of A Sun in Retrograde! It's been truly delightful to spend time with your Alina and Aleksander again, it's like we're visiting old friends 💛🖤

Oh my gosh, I don’t even have words to describe what an honor this is. To hear that someone liked my story so much, to know that my words touched someone enough to come back to it - especially as a shared read aloud!- seriously is making me cry. Thank you, thank you.

[arolesbianism]

Some very lazy concept doodles for my swap au Wendy

[ciderjacks]

Ok this is a story I wasn’t sure if I should tell, but I feel like maybe it’s relevant given the way some westerners tend to distance the victims of these bombings and massacres from humanity. Back when I was in DSMP fandom I followed an artist named Rice (@ was ricetronaut). They were a Lebanese artist. They were pretty talented, if I remember right they mostly made art of like. Tommyinnit, Tubbo, Ranboo. That circle.

They’d been shot by military forces, and when I followed them they were posting about their recovery. Specifically, I think the post I followed them for was a silly post about what their nurse thought the DSMP characters names were based on their Minecraft skins. Rice was also an orphan, their parents had been killed in an air strike, leaving them alone. With no parents to support them, they had to work constantly. Alongside this, they were still dealing with PTSD from being shot, and trauma from losing their parents. It was extremely stressful.

Eventually they couldn’t deal with the stress and pain, and took their own life.

Rice was 13. This was in 2021.

I’m only making this post because I really need people, especially those of us privileged enough to be living in a country that’s not subjected to these things, to recognize that these people are all human. The people you’re watching die were human. The people you’re watching survive are human. They’re the same as you are, they’re not naturally stronger or more resilient, they’re not any more prepared to deal with this shit than you, sitting at home, are. Their trauma doesn’t exist in a vacuum. This person, Rice, was a child. They were a 13 year old Minecraft fanartist. There are so many stories like this.

The people you see experiencing these genocides aren’t numbers—They also aren’t superheros. They’re just people. When you see them suffering you need to understand that person is no different than you, your cousins, your siblings, your friends, your classmates, the person you saw crossing the street yesterday. Remember that.

Here’s some poems Rice wrote.

[quietwingsinthesky]

still thinking about aro!dean btw. thinking about that passage in john’s journal where he laments that at dean’s age, he had a wife and kids while dean is a hunter. and like. do you think john ever told him that? i imagine he did, set the scene, he’s drunk and dean has been pulling his boots off before bed since he was seven years old and now he’s in his twenties, still that boy taking care of his father, and john is apologizing for once. for how dean didn’t get the chance for what he had (except even now, all this mourning is framed around dean, but it’s not about dean, it’s about john, what he lost and can’t get back) and dean is listening to his father tell him he should’ve had a wife, should’ve had kids, should’ve had a house and the whole nine yards.

because more than the rest of the world telling dean what he should have, should want, his father crying to him that he ruined it all is gonna dig it’s claws into his head the most.

maybe john doesn’t even remember it in the morning. dean does.

so now that hangs over him, too. every feeling of ‘this isn’t quite right, isn’t what I’m comfortable with’ has to contend with the knowledge that his dad felt guilt he couldn’t have it. (compound that with sam’s request at the end of s5, and of course he ends up on lisa’s doorstep. it’s what they thought he wanted, so they told him to take it once he was free, but in doing so, culled his freedom down to a backyard and a shared bed with someone he barely knows and tries to love the way he should.)

and most importantly of all, obviously, I’m thinking about dean getting older. about how the weight of his father never really falls off, but he gets better at carrying it. and he can say to himself, he’s long past the point where he should’ve gotten all that stuff in order anyway. might as well work with what he’s got. (while what he’s got makes him happier than the life john imagined he stole ever could have.) new freedom that comes with aging out of expectation, in a way. a space to build his own life. and so one day, when dean the age john was when he wrote about it in his journal, he’s doesn’t feel like he missed out on anything at all.

[buff-electra-truther]

the Starlight Express Alumni Podcast is fascinating because you have

-multiple stories of people accidentally falling into roles that suit them perfectly, in very different ways

-Reva Rice basically never got hurt and one of the only times she did was OFF SKATES when she fell down the stairs

-Dolan Jose REALLY wanting to cover the “girl components” and being SO excited to at least be Wrench

-the mental image of a 6’6 Vegas Showgirl looking guy as a couples therapist

-the perpetual challenge of casting Poppas lol this constantly comes up in different Stex interviews

[benbamboozled]

Bruce Wayne Headcanons

that I cannot reconcile with current/most/ALL of his comics characterization but I hold onto nevertheless

—Bruce Wayne!! trains each of his Robins with the goal of them becoming better than him.

—Bruce Wayne!! intends for the Robins to be his actual failsafe if he ever went off the deep end. (Fuck that weirdo robot lol.)

—Bruce Wayne!! 1000% blames himself for Jason Todd’s death I don’t care what the comics have had him say or what his dumbass inner-narrative has said…*handwave handwave* all of that was just him desperately trying to cover the hole in his heart from failing his son so completely.