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kira-7 · 4 years ago

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mAn i bloody love Musa and Riven. I loved their relationship in the show as a kid mostly because they weren't perfect. Whilst the other relationships were pretty much and they made me cringe far more, even as a kid. Though their relationship was a little toxic when they were both developed as characters they had a really good relationship. From what I heard about s8 they made Riven regress back to his old jealous stubborn self which is annoying seeing how much he developed as a character

Hi anon!

I love these two! They're my OTP 😍 I still remember exactly the moment I fell in love with them

Ok, maybe not exactly this moment 😅 but of course this episode, exactly when Riven came into the light with Musa in his arms 😍 from that moment on, I started to follow them, and rec every moment of their love story 😂

I love them, too, because they were more realistic than the other couples, both of Musa and Riven were stubborn, proud, they found hard to talk openly about their feelings (see when Musa denied to Stella, in season 1, that she had a crush on Riven), and easily irritable, just like Flora said in this other episode, from Season 2

In Italian, Flora said something like "Incredible, those two are identical!", and I still think that she was right.

Season 2 was something incredible for them, Jared, Musa's concert, the way Musa gained her charmix (trusting Riven), and the end! The EEEEND!

I squeaked in this exact moment, because in Italian Riven said (after "come back to me") "I love you!" FINALLY THIS STUBBORN AND PROUD GUY SAID WHAT HE REAL FEEEEEELT!!! YEEEEEEEESSSS!!! 🎊🎊🎊🎊 (ok, I have to calm down 😅 I can't, I become 14 again 😭😭😭😭), then Riven saved Musa from a Lord Darkar's attack, risking his life, their kiss, THE AAAAAANGSTTTTT! 😭😭😭😭 And when, after Bloom healed every one, Musa went away from Riven shily (awwww 😍 how cute! 😍), at the end, they happily danced

(and I really "thanked" Aisha/Layla for this moment 😁)

Then, there is season 3, and I think there is another beautiful moment, even if we started to see how much they argued, like in an episode where specialists teached winx how to drive a motorbike (I didn't remember its real name, sorryyyyy 😭)... But here's a thing that makes me think about...

On one hand, in Red Fountain, specialists, expecially Helia (a saint!) made Riven reason just saying to him that if this fuchsia head continued with his attitude, he would lost Musa! (literally: "Be a better person if you truly love her and we all know you do!")

Instead, at the other hand, Musa confided with Aisha her problems with Riven... Aisha was, of course, a good person, but at this moment, in my opinion, she was the least person to give Musa advises, because she was in a big problem herself, an incoming arranged marriage, with someone she didn't know and, most of all, she didn't love... If I remember well, that was the dialogue between Musa and Aisha:

M: "How can you be together with a person who doesn't understand/believe/trust you?"

A: "Simple, you aren't together!"

Like... What?!

I mean, don't misunderstand me, anon, please, I'm the first person who thinks that, if you are with such a person, it would be a good idea to leave them and search someone better, but I also think that it would be worth considering talking, trying to understand what went wrong and trying to be a better person (don't change yourself, just improve yourself, just like Helia said!)... Then, if things don't change, the couple decides to take two separate ways... But Aisha didn't consider this option, and so neither Musa did (I'm sure if there was Flora, for example, instead of Aisha, perhaps musa would have received that advice too, like Riven)

Then, Nabu arrived, the man in the wrong place at the wrong time... And we see Riven's jealousy, thanks to a little mistake that Flora innocently did: she took a video with her phone and rec Musa's back who stayed with this stranger. So, who can stay calm when you "see" your partner "kisses" someone else, while you're trying to be better? I'll be honest: personally, I can't, like, hell, "I'm trying to improve myself, here, and this handsome hunk wooing my girlfriend?"

Totally a misunderstanding, but a comprehensible one, in my opinion. Finally, after understand what real happened, those two stubborn ones are on the same page, Riven learnt to be more sweet (?) and less proud (?), and it's a really big improvement, remembering the guy he was in season 1! Musa, on the contrary, learnt that if two people doesn't get well in the first months, for example, it's over! Let's change! Next please!

I take into analysis the first movie, where there are two kisses between these two, one in Riven's memories, and the other really, after the specialist states that he understood what was worth fighting for, Musa, and awwww 😍😍😍😍

(can't find their kiss in the movie, unfortunately 😔)

From here, I believe, a slow but steady descent began: from the fourth season I remember Musa falling in love with Jeremy... Jason... I don't remember his name, the music producer, jealous Riven, other squabbles between the two of them, this time Nabu tries to make Riven reason (another saint!), and eventually making peace at the end...

From here I gave up on seeing the episodes completely, I followed the scenes dedicated to them on youtube: Musa gets jealous of a blonde, but it was all because Riven wanted to surprise Musa by dedicating her a song... The sixth was a tragedy, with the two of them leaving permanently because the specialist doesn't feel satisfied and cannot pay attention to Musa... Obviously, I have not seen the seventh (you can imagine why 😅)... The eight I know they did a big improvement as a couple, there's someone, here on tumblr, that tells everything in two episodes all dedicated to Musa and Riven's relationship 😍

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

At the end, was their relationship toxic? Yes and No? No, because if they decided to speak properly about their feelings, even with someone's help, they could work perfectly well together (just read what that person wrote about season 8, anon, you can find them on "Musa x Riven" tag here on tumblr); yes, because they received different advises... Both of parts have to work on themselves to be a healthy couple, according to me, not just one of them... Just my personal pov, you are free to say that I'm wrong: even if everyone in this world wants a wonderful relationship with someone, most of the time we have to improve ourselves, together, sometimes just accepting other's defects, sometimes helping them to work on their insecurities, to listen them, to be near them... In my opinion, Musa and Riven could give a strong message to children, they could teach that if both of you truly love each other just like the perfect couples do (like Bloom/Sky, Stella/Brandon, Flora/Helia, Tecna/Timmy, Aisha/Nabu (I don't take Lex because I don't know his character)) both of you have to work hard, together, don't stand firm in your beliefs, because that would be the most wrong thing. The writers, on the other hand, decided not to give the couple this chance... Alas, it could have been interesting...

I just hope, if the live action will do a second season or more, and they will make Musa/Riven real, they will fix this... I'm not sure they will do, but hope never dies 😁

I'm terribly sorry for the novel, anon 😅 I got carried away 😂 I'm sorry even if there could be typos here or there, I tried to write as perfectly as I could, but Idk how "perfect" it really is 😂😂😂

Thank you for the ask and have a good day 💖

#winx club #winx riven #Winx musa #musa x riven #MusaxRiven #Idk if anon follows me... So I tag this ask hoping they can see I answer them

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fallingin-like · 5 years ago

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november 12

peu à peu by @zombiesolace [requested by @jsteneil]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a really interesting character study on post-canon kevin and how he finds his place within the foxes and deals with the aftermath of the events within the series. this fic has a lot of introspection and does a really great job of unpacking everything.

this is such an intriguing fic to me, i don’t see that many that really delve into kevin and his thoughts. i can’t imagine how difficult of a time he must have, both throughout the series and during post-canon events. this fic really made me better appreciate the struggles that he goes through because it’s really common to have his actions portrayed without any of this explanation or why he acts in certain ways. we always see his single-mindedness with respect to exy and just kind of write it off as kevin being kevin. i think you effectively explored his character and inner thoughts.

some parts that stood out to me:

“it goes like this: they lose.” uhm somehow you were able to break my heart in the first two lines of the fic? i love the simplicity of the way you worded this, it contrasts really well with the significance of what it means, for the foxes, but especially for kevin.

kevin yelling at the team after the loss feels very in character. it reminds me of what he was apparently like when coaching the foxes prior to playing, and we see a little bit of it in the books themselves. it really comes down to the fact that kevin is desperate. for a lot of the foxes, the loss stings, but at the end of the day it’s just a loss. the criticism is harsh and they don’t understand why kevin is so hard on them. to kevin, it’s his life. not just because of the fact that he’s definitely trying to go pro and have exy as his career and not just because the moriyamas are definitely watching over him, but because that’s how he was raised as a child. kevin’s terrible childhood is somewhat overshadowed by the rest of the foxes, but he likely still has trauma from how he was raised in the nest, under the master and riko. so much pressure that it feels natural that he wants to try and regain control in some way.

”they’re a team, they fall together. and yet after each game this year, kevin has found himself falling apart alone. biting shame and swallowing frustration as he tears into each overanalyzed mistake” i find in life it’s so easy to isolate yourself from the people around you. the foxes probably find it hard to be sympathetic towards kevin, but they probably don’t realise that as harsh as he is to them, he is exponentially more critical of himself. in your own head, mistakes can be an unending loop, constant and distracting. this fic is really opening my eyes to what kevin is dealing with and appreciating him so much more.

”their win last year was a fluke. a gift given to them by virtue of the trojans. a simply byproduct of the hardiness of the foxes and the instability of riko’s collapsing domain.” ohmygoodness nooo it’s always so hard for me as an outsider to see kevin (and really anyone) struggle with the imposter syndrome. so many people (including many talented fanfic authors!!) write off their talent, skill, and hard work as fluke or luck as opposed to the many hours spent bettering themselves and practicing.

”it is with an overwhelming sense of dread that kevin thinks of his death. with each day the reality of riko’s loss feels more sure… kevin wishes riko’s ghost had followed. he wishes riko were still alive. he wishes he were alone, he wishes he weren’t.” wow i love the way you wrote this, with his conflicting thoughts. since we experienced the series through neil’s pov, riko’s death feels more like victory and less like a loss. it’s something to be celebrated. but i think it can almost be seen as similar to mary’s death, which neil mourned. both characters were abusive and did things that were wrong. and yet, they were loved. whether we like it or not, riko was kevin’s family and though their relationship was twisted and manipulated, especially as they grew older, riko was the person that kevin was closest to. emotions are so complicated and i bet kevin feels like he can’t discuss this with the other foxes, who don’t quite understand.

”he knows that his commentary is far more nuanced by virtue of being a fox. kevin takes the out and opens the folder he has on the roadrunners.” this is kind of small, but i find it has some significance. it can be so easy to do the thing that you know is self destructive and get caught in a rabbit hole of pages and articles of bad. good on kevin for not doing that.

”the name wymack clings to his tongue. coach sits temptingly at the back of his palette. my dad, his mind whispers, the words clear and intrusive.” ugH it must be so so hard for kevin to work through this. i love these lines.

”andrew pokes his head out of the bedroom. he stares blankly at kevin, his hair mussed… he leaves the door partially ajar. kevin feels something in his chest loosen.” oo i really really liked this part. andrew has his own unique way of showing that he cares and i love seeing the small things that he does.

the whole conversation between dan and kevin is so interesting. the actual information that you’re sharing about exy and the way that they interact. i think you did a great job of showing a realistic back and forth.

”riko was always right there. kevin never had to call him.” these two sentences, and actually that whole section is really just so heartbreaking. you do a great job of making me understand kevin, something i haven’t really done so before.

”that’s not true. he does know. he enjoys having the ability to express his opinion. it’s a novelty he’s still getting used to.” oh, kevin.

”kevin can’t see any of the foxes. they disappeared into the store moments upon arrival and three out of the four are too short to be seen over the aisles.” lol what a mood (i am short)

kevin’s interaction with the fans is so interesting. i wonder if he often dealt with actually meeting fans during his time as a raven. it’s also really interesting to see neil from this point of view, he almost seems… unfamiliar? but not in a bad way. it kind of really brings us into the perspective of kevin.

abby-kevin relationship is so nice. i think it’s great that kevin has a maternal figure that he can find comfort in

the section on kayleigh is just so so sad. it makes me feel grief for someone i never knew. it aches knowing that she was such a wonderful woman, that kevin had her and now he doesn’t.

”’wooo!’ nicky shouts, ‘now that was a wake up call i didn’t need.’” ohmygoodness i love the way that you write nicky! it really lightens the fic a bit more.

honestly the bit about jean being waterboarded is horrifying to me.

i like that wymack took kevin to riko’s funeral. there’s a sense of closure that has to do with it, kevin being with his real family while saying goodbye to what used to be his family

”he doesn’t recall riko breaking his had. he remembers before, and he remembers after but he doesn’t remember the moment his life changed.” i really appreciate the formatting you used with this, the line separating the first sentence, the way that you broke up the second sentence into two lines. it feels more impactful, more significant.

”he can see nicky and aaron showing off their most ridiculous dance moves in the corner for one another” oh my goodness this is amazing

“he wonders if they’ll call him an ex-fox when he graduates or if he’ll always be labeled an ex-raven. the nest had a quiet energy that fox tower doesn’t.” oh oh i like this a lot

also i like how you broke up the texts with paragraphs of kevin’s thoughts. it shows the gaps between his texts more and i feel his loneliness more keenly. the double-texting with the periods between reminds me of when i am at my loneliest

i love kevin’s conversation with jeremy. he’s known as one of the nicest, brightest characters in the series, but we really see why. how he is able to relax kevin and just speak to him.

your explanation of kevin choosing history as his major is so insightful, i’ve never really considered it, but now i wish i had

”i want andrew to enjoy himself. he does it rarely, kevin, you’re aware of that” renne is just so great.

the part about kevin using twitter, especially as a way to try and connect with thea is so interesting to me.

”’does he know you’re better than he is?’ she’d whispered in his ear” I LOVE THIS LINE what a turning point in kevin’s journey

ahh the part about nicky telling andrew about the conspiracy station, it’s so nice to see the way they are bonding like his

andrew is such a complicated character, i absolutely adore the way that you write him. a lot of the time i read a softer side of him, through the perspective of neil. kevin and andrew have a fascinating relationship, i love seeing it from kevin. “he gives kevin a thumbs up”, “i hear you, andrew says” these are so perfect

wymack giving kevin an extra jacket is peak dad behaviour.

recently i’ve been so fond of seeing authors incorporate the title of their fic into the writing. this is no different, it makes the title have that much more meaning “little by little, the bird builds his nest” i love this. how did you come across this quote? it’s so fitting for this fic

the dynamic between dan, wymack, and kevin is so so interesting. wymack and kevin are so similar that sometimes i guess it causes a distance because they’re not the best at communication. and it must be hard. they’re related, but still have so much to learn about each other. i guess i’ve never though much of how close dan and wymack are. you do a really good job at capturing the tension that exists, the interactions.

”he thinks a lot of people would rather he never spoke again” oh no this hit me hard

the little part where kevin and dan are talking about neil’s shot, i like this little bonding that we see. exy is the thing that has brought them together

”’you’ll make a good wymack,’ he says. dan jerks back, her mouth open, and her eyes stunned.” oh this is so nice

”he wants to say he’s my dad, but he’s hers too; hers more so and that’s dan’s point. what would he know? ‘he saved me too,’ he says instead” oh my goodness i love this so much

sorry but neil and kevin teaming up and nicky and aaron teaming up so that andrew loses is the best part of this fic and anyone that believes otherwise can fight me!!! “when they arrive in columbia andrew makes an aborted move like he will shut neil out of their room and it’s the first time kevin hears something like a laugh from neil.” this is so soft i needed this

go thea!!! thank you for making her so amazing in this fic!!! i like how you write their relationship, it’s refreshing and really interesting, we don’t know that much about thea

THEA TAKING OFF HER NECKLACE WHEN KEVIN CHANGES HIS TATTOO THIS IS THE BEST

there’s so much that you covered in this fic. kevin’s relationship with exy, riko, the rest of the foxes, wymack. i love the way that you worked through everything. the gradual improvement of the foxes following with kevin’s mental health improving. but we can really see how far he has come when they lose and he’s okay with it. you made me feel so close to kevin. your writing is wonderful, so many little details that just build to make this fic amazing. thank you so much for writing this!

#peu à peu #aftg fic review #raelle writes

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eepwritesstuff · 5 years ago

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In His Arms || BMC

TTW: Major character death. If this may trigger you, please do not read this! (if it won’t, I promise it ends okay.)

Jeremy POV:

I feel my eyes snap open and my breathing get fast. A scream forces its way from my throat, without me even knowing why. What... happened last night? All I remember is...

Fire. Rich. He... he set a fire. My own screams, desperate, trying to escape the blaze. And I had... Failed?

No. That doesn’t make sense. Surely, I’m alive, and I got out. But... That’s not what I remember. I remember being burned alive, my skin burning, the smell of burning and melting skin wafting to my nose until the pain became too much and I passed out.

Had I stayed there? If so, there’s no way I was still alive. So... The question stood. Where was I?

I sit up and see... Michael’s room? And there’s Michael, laying on his bed. He’s wearing his shirt from last night, but he has tear stains on his face. I feel really guilty. I hadn’t meant to call him a loser. I was just stressed, and scared, and I lashed out.

I walk over to him and try to wake him up. “Hey... Michael...” I whisper, shaking him. But my arm went through him. Oh. Oh no. OH GOD, WHAT WILL I DO?

I CAN’T BE A G H O S T. I CAN’T BE DEAD.

As I panic, Michael slowly wakes up, groaning miserably. I wave my hand in front of his face. “Michael, please, you have to hear me, you have to be able to see me, please, I’m so sorry, just see me, please see me-” I beg, but he doesn’t hear. Instead, he slowly gets up and turns on his phone. I sit next to him, hyperventilating.

As he turns it on, he’s bombarded with notifications. All about last night, the fire. He immediately looks it up on google, seeing the articles and posts. He lands on a news article and reads through it. There’s a list of the people claimed by the fire. He scrolls through, seeing name after name. Richard Goranski. Jake Dillinger. Dustin Kropp. Madeline Cornfeldt. He stops when he sees a certain name, gasping and whispering, “No...” And, there it is. Jeremiah Heere.

He starts shaking, pulling his knees up to his chest as tears well up in his eyes. “No, no, nonono... This can’t be right, please let this be a joke, Jeremy can’t be” his voice cracked. “Don’t let him be- he’s gotta be okay. He’s always been okay. He’s always been there. Don’t let him be gone, foreve-” His sobs cut him off as he breaks. As he’s breaking, I am too. I’m dead. I never got to tell him. I never got to apologize. The last thing I said to him before- I called him a loser. All he has now is that memory, over and over, and I can’t do anything.

He sobs for hours, inconsolable, and I’m right beside him. I��m sobbing, and so is he, and there’s nothing either of us can do to help each other.

Eventually, our tears stop. He pulls out his computer and begins typing frantically. I look over his shoulder. He’s looking up something on Google, and he’s muttering stuff under his breath. Stuff like, “C’mon, c’mon...” and “It’s gotta work...” I look at what he’s looking at. It’s a website... About SQUIPs? I thought there’s no information about them online? Well, apparently there is, because Michael’s looking at it. Specifically, the protection measures that SQUIPs use to protect the host body. Apparently, they stop at nothing, even self destruction, to keep the host body in tact. It explains all the cases in which the host, and the SQUIP, were found dead, but the body itself was perfectly intact. Protecting the body like this uses all of the SQUIP’s capacity and ultimately kills it, but the body stays perfectly in tact. I’m confused as to what Michael is planning on doing with this information. Of course, I can’t actually ask him, so I just sit here and wait as he researches for hours on end, not even eating.

Now, it’s around 3 pm, and his stomach growls. he ignores it and keeps working. “JUST EAT, ALREADY. YOU DON’T WANT TO DIE, TOO!” I scream, in frustration.

He sits straight up, eyes wide as he frantically looks around the room. “J-Jer?” He whispers, hope in his voice. I try to respond. “Michael, yes, I’m here! How did you hear me?” His expression drops as he shakes his head. “I’m losing it, he isn’t actually here. I mean, c’mon, Mell. This isn’t Apocalypse of the Damned, there’s no spectator portion after you die. He’s gone. But he doesn’t have to be. Just get back to work.” I narrow my eyes at him, even though he can’t see me. He can’t die, he doesn’t deserve to. At this rate, he will within a few days, out of exhaustion and lack of food. I try again, focusing everything I have on saving Michael. “Michael. I’m not joking, go eat now. Please, you can’t die too...” His head shoots up again, and his hands shake. “Jer... You’re here? How? Are you okay?” I try doing what I did last time, but it’s difficult. “I’m here. Don’t know how. I’m sorry.” Michael’s lip wobbles and a tear rolls down his cheek. He hastily wipes it away, letting out a watery laugh. “Heh, sorry... I just- I thought you were lost, for good.” I can’t help it as a tear runs down my own cheek. I force out more words, already exhausted by the effort it takes. “Missed you. It’s, uh... Really hard to talk, though.” My voice wobbles, and we both know why, but he kindly doesn’t mention it. He nods. “Understandable. Guess I have to go get food now, huh?” I nod in response, even though he can’t see. He sighs and stands, groaning and stretching. He then walks towards the door, and I follow, feeling satisfied.

After he eats a good meal, we both go back upstairs to his room. He gets back on his computer, now looking into people at our school who might practice... necromancy? Oh, Michael... Wait. That could actually work. My body is still in tact, and if somehow, dark magic works, I can... I can live again! I mean, weirder thing have happened. Y’know. Supercomputer, and all. I feel hopeful, for the first time since I woke up like this. Maybe I won’t be stuck like this forever. I don’t just feel hopeful. I feel ecstatic. I don’t even notice, but I start glowing. I don’t notice, until Michael is suddenly looking at me. “Jer? Is... Is that really you?” He murmurs, swallowing hard. Tears brim his eyes as he stares directly at me. “Wait. You can see me? Holy shit. Hi.” I say, feeling stupid, but also I’d missed him. He smiles widely, his tears rolling down his cheeks. “Yeah!” He sniffles. “Hi. I miss you, like... A lot.” He uses his fist to roughly wipe away his tears. ”Yeah... Sorry, Micha. I should have- I shouldn’t have taken the SQUIP, I should have talked to you, I should’ve gotten out-” Michael cuts me off. “No, Jer, don’t blame yourself. Don’t you DARE blame yourself.” He shakes his head frantically. “It’s not your fault, okay? I can’t hear you blaming yourself. We’re gonna fix this, okay?” I nod, feeling a lump in my throat. “Yeah. Sorry. Thank you, for everything. You’re... Really amazing, Michael.” A tear rolls down my face. “What was I supposed to do, just leave you d-” he whispers, as if it’s taboo. “dead?” He gives a weak smile. “Besides, it’s a two player game, right?” I bite my lip. “I ruined that, though, Michael. I left you behind.” He shakes his head. “No, you didn’t. I get it, really. I just want to get you back. I want to hug you, and look at you without seeing through you.” I nod. “Yeah, a hug sounds... really, really good right now.” I feel a pain in my chest, but I sit next to him as he grabs his computer and keeps researching.

Eventually, my glow dims until I’m barely visible, but I’m still here. Michael works hard researching, with the occasional witty comment, which always earn a laugh from me. He smiles every time, like he’d never get tired of my laugh.

After hours, he smiles widely. “EUREKA!” I jump. “Wait- REALLY?” my glow starts up again, brighter than before. He nods. “Yeah! Jer, we can bring you back!” I smile, hope running through my veins again. “Oh, Michael, I- how will I ever repay you?” He shakes his head, still smiling. “No, Jer, don’t repay me, really. Just having you okay again will be enough for me.” I smile, feeling tears prick my eyes. “God, Micha. I’m gonna give you the biggest hug, as soon as I can.” Michael smiles. “By my best guess, that would be tomorrow!” I grin. “I can’t wait.” I feel myself getting choked up and I sniffle. Michael’s gaze softens as he looks at me. “Hey. It’ll be okay, Jer. This whole nightmare- it’ll be over soon.” I nod, trying not to cry for what must be the hundredth time these past few days. “Y-yeah. Thanks. God, Micha. It’ll be over. I-I can’t believe it. I- Thank you.” He gives me a sideways smile. “Anything for you, Jer.” I meet his smile with one of my own, trying to suppress the feeling in my chest. Not now.

The next day, we go to the site where the fire had been. We’re both quiet as wee see the place where so many of our peers, including myself, lost our lives. Michael clears his throat. “Uh, do you know where you would... where you, uh... were?” He says awkwardly. I know what he means, so I nod. “Uh... Yeah. Follow me.” I walk through the rubble, retracing my steps. That night... I had come in, talked with Brooke, blown up at Michael... I had gone to try to find a quiet place to break down; I felt bad because of how I’d treated Michael, but I didn’t want to see him cry. I figured that I’d have forever to tell him, to apologize.

I find the room I had been in when the fire started. I push down the tears that are threatening to come to my eyes. It’ll be okay, Michael is gonna fix it. I remind myself. Michael starts digging through the rubble, trying to find my body. He tries to hide it, but I hear his breathing get rough and he starts to cry as a brown curl appears in the rubble. He digs more off of my body, sobbing at this point, and it takes all of my resolve not to vomit at seeing myself. My own dead body. I rush forward and put my arms around Michael. Even if he can’t feel me, I just want him to know I’m here for him. He swallows heavily and hugs my- dirty, but otherwise perfectly fine- body. He sits there for several minutes, just crying and hugging my body. Sometimes he whimpers, but he mostly just cries and holds my body close.

Eventually, he picks up my body and brings it to the car. He lays it down in the back seats and I sit in the passenger’s seat. He climbs into the driver’s seat and takes a deep breath.

“Look, Jer, I know that, like, you’re here and all... But that was honestly the worst thing I’ve ever had to do, and I hope to God I never have to do anything similar ever again. Just... Seeing your body, but you’re not in it, and I know you’re not. It hurt, a lot. Like, worse than anything you could’ve done while you were alive.” He speaks, staring out the windshield. I nod, trying to level out my voice before I speak. “Y-yeah. I’m sorry, Micha. I know you don’t want me to apologize, but I really am so sorry. You’ve been put through so so much, and I hate that you have to deal with any of this, when I can’t offer much comfort. I can’t give you a hug, I can’t put my hand on your shoulder, I can’t hold your h- I can’t, uh, grab you a slushie...” I trail off, flustered from my weak attempt at covering my blunder. Michael gave a weak smile. “Hey, it’ll all be okay. In just an hour, you will be able to do all of that stuff. I’ll hold ya to it.” We give each other small smiles, kindly ignoring the other’s tear stained face.

An hour later, we were back at Michael’s house, and my body was lain on his bed. Michael washed its- my?- face with a wash cloth, wiping away the soot and dirt. He also put it in new clothes, considering mine from that night were dirty and partially burned away. He still had some of my things from when I’d slept over and left things, so he put my body in one of my old Star Wars shirts, a pair of jeans, and a blue cardigan. After all of this was done, he gulps, looking towards me. “You ready to be alive again, Jer?” He asks. I nod frantically. “Yeah, pretty ready, Micha.” He gives a small chuckle and begins on the spell. He says some words I don’t understand, and my ghost-self starts to dim. I feel myself being pulled into my body. He says some more, and I turn invisible again. He speaks some more, and I’m in my body. Wait. I”M IN MY BODY! HELL YEAH!

I snap open my eyes and sit up, not prepared for the overwhelming rush of vertigo that it causes. “MICHAE- ow...” I hold my head. Michael rushes forward. “JEREMY! Oh my god, dude! Wait, are you okay?” I nod, blinking hard. “Yeah, just a little... disoriented.” I open my eyes and look him in the eye. My eyes start filling with tears. “God, Michael, I-” I fling myself at him, holding him close. He quickly hugs back, sniffling. “You’re okay.. Oh, thank god, you’re okay, you’re here now, this is you again.” I smile, feeling tears roll down my face. “Yeah, it’s me. Th-thank you. I love you so much, you know?” He stills before nodding. “I love you, too. When I thought you were gone, I just- I didn’t know what to do. But you’re okay now, and I can hold you again and it’ll be you...” I nod, just feeling his embrace and welcoming it. We’d have time to iron out what we were and everything else, but for now I wanted to just feel safe, and warm, and loved, and happy. Here, in Michael’s arms.

#boyf riends #jeremy heere #michael mell #be more chill #bmc #fanfic #bmc fanfiction

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doverstar · 7 years ago

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NARNIA FANS, CHECK THIS OUT!

Lend me your ears. This looks like a long post. Please bear with, it’s worth it! You guys seemed to like my answer to my friend Charlai’s Narnia question earlier, so I wanted to send this to you.

You want some music that reminds you of Narnia? You want nostalgia and magic and good good feelings that are just pure Narnia? I understand and I want to help.

I don’t know why this does not appear to be public knowledge

I was Georgie Henley’s age when the first film came out, and the women in my family had introduced me to the books long before that (though reading them on my own came at 13). With the film’s release came a soundtrack on CD. It’s called Music Inspired by the Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. We owned this CD and my three siblings and I would listen to it all day. Just that CD. Let me share it with you.

There are songs about all of the books, not just the second one. Not instrumental movie tracks. Songs. With lyrics. About NARNIA. And all of them are preformed and written by Christian artists who loved the story too. This is 2005, girls and boys. The year of films that were just starting to explore CGI magic and music that was hitting its golden stride. The year of TobyMac and Chris Tomlin and Relient K and Jeremy Camp and Kutless and Jars of Clay and Steven Curtis Chapman. I AIN’T EVEN MENTIONED THE LADIES YET.

Here’s the lineup. Waiting For The World To Fall by Jars of Clay. This is my personal favorite. It took me a long time to gain a favorite. Ever since I was a kid I loved the sound of it, but as 13 years went by listening to this, I tried to understand what it was about. I’m not confirming anything, but as far as I can tell, it’s about a longing for Narnia, this world Lewis created to tell the truth through fantasy. A longing for Aslan. We want so much to be in that world! But this is the world we’ve been given and put into, and we have Aslan here. Remembering You by Steven Curtis Chapman. Some of you guys might remember the old, beloved music video that came with this one? This is not hard to explain at all and it reminds me of Aslan’s camp with all the flutes. It’s extremely straightforward in the lyrics and if you’ve read The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, you will probably cry. It captures the story and the Pevensies’ relationship with Aslan perfectly. This was the most-played song in my house from 2005 through 2012. I mean, obviously Mr. Chapman loves the story. You can tell. Good job, sir! Open Up Your Eyes by Jeremy Camp. This one is sick. Could be about anything from the Pevensies trusting Aslan and earning their thrones to believing in Narnia and living as like a Narnian as they can. Also, it’s a great Christian song regardless by Jeremy Camp, whose writing is always awesome. Hero by Bethany Dillon. Bethany Dillon is no stranger to great lyrics either, and this song is all about Aslan. Or Jesus. Same thing. When she was approached to do a song inspired by Narnia, this is what she came up with. It will make you cry. When I was a kid, I assumed each song was from the perspective of a character (maybe they are in a few cases?) and I always thought this one was Susan’s song. But there’s no reason really to think that. Just a tidbit you didn’t need to know about me! Lion by Rebecca St. James. Again, not hard to describe. All about Aslan, definitely from Lucy’s perspective. Captures good and terrible at the same time. Also reminds me of the quote from The Last Battle: “We are all between the paws of the true Aslan.” New World by TobyMac. When I was a kid, Toby was all the rage. Big Christian rappers hadn’t shown up yet. This is not a rap song--but it’s definitely a more hardcore interpretation! It’s not for everyone, but it is definitely Narnian. The lyrics are pretty darn cool and the bridge ‘I never dreamed it but I see that he’s alive again/Shaking his mane, he’s just the same as I remember him/The spell is weakening with every breath he’s breathing/And when he roars you gotta know that he’s our King again’ was my favorite thing to hear growing up. I also loved the second verse. I Will Believe by Nicole Nordeman. The prettiest, most Pevensie song on the album. From Lucy’s POV, talking of the world in the wardrobe and her siblings and what the Pevensies mean to Narnia. It’s perfect. Turkish Delight by David Crowder Band. This is a very dancey song from Edmund’s POV (duh) and though some might think it’s too comedic and lively for a song about Edmund’s actions in the second book, I think it’s lots of fun and sums up how ridiculous and sucky it is that Ed did what he did. But it’s okay in the end, as we all know! More Than It Seems by Kutless. This is in my top 3 on the album. It’s a Peter Pevensie song without question, and it’s as Narnian as they come in terms of message. You’re the One by Chris Tomlin. This one is for The Magician’s Nephew--no doubt--and Digory Kirke. Even the first line references the creation of Narnia by Aslan, and how it felt seeing it all and meeting him for the first time. And of course, there are others that have been written. In Like A Lion by Relient K. This was written when the band was approached to write a song for the movie, but it never made it onto the album! So Relient K released it on a later Christmas selection. It’s based on Mr. Tumnus’ declaring to Lucy that Narnia is trapped in an eternal winter--always winter, never Christmas. But there’s the hope the Pevensies and Aslan bring, and that’s the point of the song! The Call by Regina Spektor. You know this one. It’s from Prince Caspian and it’s sad. I don’t need to say anything else. This Is Home by Switchfoot. Ever since I first heard this song when the second film came out, John Foreman’s voice has sounded like Narnia to me. I was 12. That’s how it works. And I love it! There’s A Place For Us by Carrie Underwood. You know this one too! From The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader. When the film came out, I loved this song, but now I really don’t like the chorus. Just something about the pride of it all--the Pevensies were only kings and queens because Aslan called them to be. Anyway! It’s pretty and I do enjoy the rest of it. Hope you do too, if you haven’t heard it! The Ascension by Phil Wickham. This song was inspired by the last few chapters of The Last Battle--further up and further in! It’s all about Heaven, obviously. It makes me excited listening to it and I often play it while re-reading those chapters. The Last Battle is my favorite book in the series, and who knows? When the film is made, this song may make it onto the album. Thanks, Phil Wickham!

There you have it. Happy listening, Narnia fans! Let me know which one you like best. Or don’t? Sometimes people don’t even read these things.

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dreamin-of-somewhere-else · 7 years ago

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1997 [8]

Previous parts

Characters: Dean Winchester, twin sister!reader, Sam Winchester, characters from 4x13, OC characters.

Words: 1100+

Warnings: None that I can come up with right now.

A/N: Last part! This one is just to kind of round things off, to get closure, like I mentioned in the last part. Also, I’m sorry this took some time to get out, but I’ve just had a lot to do lately. Please excuse any grammar errors/spelling mistakes, I literally just finished writing this haha

Also, if you want something to listen to, try Video Games - Lana del Rey. It’s what I listened to while writing this and I just like the feel of the song ♡

Your name: submit What is this? document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); }); function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; } } function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v; }

You closed your locker for the last time, letting your hand run over the smooth, cold metal. There were now no signs that you had ever owned it, it just looked like one out of the bunch, insignificant and plain.

You let your hand drop to your side and placed your backpack over one shoulder as you let your gaze scan the corridor. It was empty just like the night before, but this time with students behind the closed classroom doors. You could feel the presence of them. The corridor was light too, golden sunlight flooding in from the windows. It had an airy feel to it as well, as opposed to every other time you’d walked through it, especially last night.

Speaking of which, it felt like more time had passed since the hunt than just hours. It almost felt like a dream, like it never really happened. Although you had your sprained ankle as proof. But still, even that felt much better, kudos to an icepack at the motel and then an ibuprofen.

You heard footsteps coming your way and looked over your shoulder to see none other than Dean walking up to you. He had his backpack flung over his leather clad back as well, and wore a relieved look he couldn’t wipe off his face. He hadn’t stated it out loud, but you knew he was happy to leave this place. Apparently he’d had a ’fight’ with Amanda — meaning that she humiliated him — and he just wanted to get out of this school, and town, seeing as he really hadn’t bonded with anyone else, not like you had.

You, on the other hand, were a bit sad to leave to be honest. You had grown quite fond of the town and a certain person that came with it, and besides, you would have loved to have a chat with Amanda about her public speech to your twin that made him feel this embarrassed.

”Ready to leave?” Dean asked, his eyebrows rising slightly on his forehead in a questionable manner. Both of you knew that your dad wouldn’t be too happy if you kept him waiting.

This is how it always had been, and how it always will be. Your father and his job dragging you from town to town, and just when you had adapted, you were ripped away once again.

”Yeah,” you responded, although you didn’t really want to.

What was it to do about it anyway?

Jeremy was in the middle of chemistry class when something in the corner of his eye caught his attention. He didn’t even know why, there was merely one movement when he was surrounded by some ten others. Jeremy simply just followed his intuition, and the sight he saw made him furrow his eyebrows until his brain reregistered a sight which made his stomach twist.

Because there were you and Dean, walking quietly down the empty, still corridor, when you should’ve had a lesson at this very moment.

Before Jeremy noticed the words leaving his mouth, he’d asked the unknowing chemistry teacher Mr. Glover to be excused. And then he bolted outside of the classroom into the corridor just in time to see the door of the school closing, an echo following behind.

With rapid steps, he jogged towards it, and once he reached it, he flung it open, eyes squinting against the brightness.

”(Y/N)!”

You swung around at his voice, shielding your eyes against the sunlight with a hand, gazing up at Jeremy from the foot of the short stairs outside of the entrance. Once you saw who it was, you walked back up said stairs, and came to stand in front of him with a smile decorating your face.

Dean, who also had turned around at his twin sister’s name, then continued his way towards the curb where another younger boy — that Jeremy recognized as Sam — stood waiting, ruffling his hair as he stopped besides the kid.

”Hey, Jer.”

“You leaving?” Jeremy asked, and he couldn’t keep all of the disappointment out of his eyes, some still seeped through.

”Yeah, my dad’s back.” You nodded as you put your hands in the back pockets of your jeans.

Jeremy nodded too, and for a moment he didn’t know what to say. Behind you, a sleek, black car pulled up and parked next to Sam and Dean, who got inside.

”How are you feeling?” You then questioned as your eyes ran over his face and head, looking for any injuries.

”Better. Slept it off,” Jeremy responded. ”What exactly happened last night?”

”Well, it’s a long story, but we ran into each other at school. I guess we just thought there was somebody else there — you know with everything that’s been happening — and you tripped and hit your head as we left. And then Dean and I just kinda led you home, you know?”

Jeremy nodded at the vague explanation, but you both knew — deep down — that it was a lie. Jeremy saw in your enigmatic eyes that it wasn’t the whole truth, and you saw the doubt in his. But neither of you acknowledged it, and smiled shyly at each other, before you looking down at your feet broke your stare.

A car honking put an end to Jeremy’s train of thoughts about whether what he remembered from last night was true or not, and brought him back to the moment.

”Well, I should go…” you began. ”It’s been really nice knowing you, Jer.”

”Yeah, you too…” Jeremy’s voice trailed off, as this sinking feeling overtook his chest.

You nodded, and then turned around to leave, but you didn’t get too far.

Because Jeremy took his chance, and grabbed a hold of your hand, and as you turned to him, he planted a kiss on your lips. It wasn't too romantic, and it was hectic since you really had to go, but at least he had done it. You knew how he felt. If this was his only chance, he wanted you to know that.

At first you looked shocked and then you smiled. It wasn’t a happy smile, but even though your eyes were full of sadness, it was still beautiful. You squeezed his hand, and let it go.

Then (Y/N) Winchester joined her twin brother Dean, little brother Sam and her — to Jeremy — still faceless father in the Impala, dark as the night. Jeremy Adams looked on, amber eyes following the girl with the worn denim jacket.

Inside the car, Sam took (Y/N)’s hand sympathetically, while Dean sent her an understanding, yet sad, look that said more than a hundred words. At least the three of them had each other.

Jeremy didn’t know if he’d ever see her again, and the thought made his stomach twist. At least he knew if she ever returned, he would be here. He would like to anyway, he thought to himself as he watched the Impala slowly and graciously roll away with a loud purr.

Jeremy opened his hand, and saw the crumbled piece of paper. Flattening it out, he read the handwritten phone number. He shook his head as he knowingly smiled to himself.

The year was 1997, before everything really got bad.

I know that kiss and all was super cheesy but I was in the mood. This is also a pure example of why I don’t write romantic pairings along with a few other reasons.

Also, you might be wondering why I decided to write the last part in third POV, but that was just cause I kind of wanted to tie it together with part one of the series, that was written in 3rd POV :)

Also, tell me what you thought of this series! I would love to hear about it.

SPN (Sisfic) Taglist: @daughters-and-winsisters @evyiione @samanddeanshotsis @darkestgrungeuniverse @fabulouslycassie @delessapeace-blog@mariairwin666 @1amluke@saveprettydays @cookee50 @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou @infamati–et–obliterati @stillcooli0 @sammysbeanie @ocean-calls-me @deepbreathssammy @extreme-supernatural-lover @mogaruke @winchestersmut @i-kdog-posts @steve-rogcrs @wordshowers @27bmm @jjsoccer11 @ivebeenraisedfromperdition @bluecookiesandbooks @disappointeddinosaur @nicolevanderstar @frayedphan @jared-jensen-misha-are-lovelyy @straightestgay-voice @legend-o-zelda @holysheeppanda @mynameisdesolation @to-stars-and-back @forevershadeddark @stonergirl4life95 @wxnchestervevo @captainemwinchester @rosie-winchester @violinmyhead @magical-cas @quackerstheduck663057 @falloutofmymemez @messy-buns-and-shotguns @assbutt-still-in-hell @phonegalhelp @lemonadegazeelle @stilesneedsprotection @mcallmestiles @wishedworld@catstielanddeanthedog @foe-throughthetrees @phire23 @winchesterhound @hi-my-name-is-riley @th3things-in-mymind @lillyofthefandom @pearlender @iamafishandigosplish @prasygold @super100012

@winchesters-favorite-girl

1997 Taglist: @daehguj @lena-lightwood @arie-tfw @skeletoresinthebasement @to-stars-and-back @lxrrystylinsonfucking69 @zeusmyster @lovelouisbabe @ocean-calls-me @graceb200371 @awesomestperson22 @hugwinchester @kelcpaul96 @deangirl-samcurious-0124-0502 @supernatural-imagine @do-you-wanna-be-awinchester @pearlender

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18silverwolf · 5 years ago

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Jeremy Gilbert Imagines: Imagine 15: When Jeremy fights Kai for you and fights hard for you

(a/n: Y/n= your name Y/n/n= your nick name)

You were a student at the high school that Jeremy, Elena, Caroline and Bonnie, your in the same grade as Jeremy expect your a hunter and no one knows. Well That is until I was found out by the Salvatore brothers and later told Elena, Jeremy and Bonnie since they are all involved in the supernatural world.

You also started to date Jeremy after you were all dragged into the supernatural world. Ever since you have been training with Jeremy, Damon, Stephen, Matt and Alaric.

By the way Damon is really protective over y/n since she is like his little sister because of a time where Damon went on a killing spree because he turned his emotion off and when he was about to be killed, Y/n stopped it from happening and got him to turn his emotion back on before he killed her, and ever since then they have been really close and Damon has always kept and eye on her even without her knowing.

Currently:

you were captured by Kai Parker, he was using his magic to hold you and basically drained your energy so you wouldn't fight back. you were then tied up to a chair. In side his house with a gag around your mouth so you couldn't yell out.

you were a trained Hunter but you couldn't get out of this, beside you didn't know or understand why Kai kidnapped you and is holding you captive. "Kai why are you doing this?" You asked as you saw him sitting there in front of the fire place which was currently lit up.

"oh don't worry y/n, i'm only using you to get to Jeremy" He said as he smirked at you. you rolled your eyes, "you do realise that when Jeremy comes your going to get your ass kicked" You said as you looked at him. This seemed to take the smirk right off of his face which only changed to anger.

"Yea expect i have a plan" He replied before getting up and walking away and out of the room. but not before putting the gag back on since he took it off earlier when he first came into the room.

Jeremy's pov:

Y/n was meant to meet me at the Grill 2 hours ago and i'm worried maybe she forgot and is at home with Elena or at her place with Caroline. I got home and saw Elena, Caroline, Bonnie, Stephen, Matt and Damon sitting on the couch watching a movie, "Um Guys you haven't seen or heard from y/n, she was meant to meet me at the grill and she hasn't, but normally if she cant make it she will call me or text me and i haven't received either one of those so i was hoping she was here" I said as Elena paused the movie.

"when was the last time any of us have seen her?" Damon asked as he stood up. "I haven't seen her since last night after she left to go home from the Grill" They all replied. "Crap so she hasn't been seen since then, that's not good" Stephen said as he was now standing.

"Hi guys" we all turned around to see Kai standing out our front door with a mean smirk on his face, which made him look Callus. "what are you doing here?" Stephen asked I was on edge, "Can you leave so we can get a hold of y/N" Elena said "Oh right Y/n yea i was just coming here to tell you that i know where she is" he said as he smirked.

I snapped my head at him but before i could react Damon did. "What have you done to her?" he asked as his eyes changed and his fangs as he charged at Kai only for to use his power to stop Damon.

"Jeremy if you want her back and alive, I suggest you come to the alter in the middle of the woods and come alone" he said before he left. "Jeremy you can't go alone" Elena said "or you could just leave her, there's no way he will hurt her" Bonnie said.

no one said anything just stared at her before Damon hissed and said "I'm going with you Jeremy" He said as we started to get things organised for later when we meet up with Kai.

Later when it was time to meet Kai:

Narrators POV:

You were tied to a tree in the middle of the woods where the old alter was which was rumoured to have been where witches would gather and casts spells. Kai was hiding in the tree you were tied to so Jeremy would think that you were alone, but you knew you had to warn him even though you knew he probably wouldn't fall for it.

Suddenly what felt like hours ended up only being 30 minutes before you see Jeremy walking towards you. "JER DONT ITS A TRAP" you yelled out as you saw him.

He didn't listen and kept walking but he never reached you he was standing in front of the alter which was in front of you. " KAI I know your here stop hiding" Jeremy said. As Kai jumped down from the tree you realised that he had Jeremy right where he wanted him.

Well at least that's what it looked like. They were talking and suddenly they started to fight. Eventually they disappeared into the thick condensed woods. When you saw a blur as if someone just ran passed. Suddenly you felt a hand on my mouth "y/n/n it's just me let's get you out of here" Damon said you tried to tell him that the ropes were laced with vervain but he still had his hand over your mouth.

Suddenly Damon hissed and you felt his hand let go of your mouth. "Damon are you okay?, I tried to warn you but you had your hand over my mouth" you said worried.

"Yea I'm okay, shit okay I'm gonna have to get these robes off you even if it hurts me" he said. As he placed both his hands on the ropes and starts to untie them.

Suddenly you were freed but Damon's hands were pretty bad. You grabbed the water that was placed down beside you by Kai ages ago and poured it all over Damon's hands and used the power that you had just learnt that you never knew you had.

Your ability is to use water as a healer. Something you didn't know you could do until yesterday when Kai showed you. Turns out your mum was a hunter and your dad was a warlock.

Suddenly Damon swooped you off your feet into his arms and use his vampire speed to get you to safety where Stephen, Elena, Matt,Caroline, Alaric and Bonnie were. " Damon what are you doing Kai was just using me to get to Jeremy he wants to send Jer to the prison dimension" you said as you went to run back into the woods but you were stopped by a hand on your shoulder.

"We know, so does Jeremy but Bonnie.gave Jeremy a stake that was cast by a spell that will weaken Kai's powers and allow Jeremy to send him back to the prison dimension" Stephen said.

"Yea but I only found out that I can heal people and cast other spells I can help Jeremy you have to let me go back. I know how to ensure that Kai will never escape the prison world again" you said.

"Wait what do you mean you have powers?" Elena asked. "Kai showed me the past when my parents were still.alive my mum was a hunter my dad was a powerful warlock, and someone my powers have been blocked by a spell but we haven't got enough time to explain come on" you said as you started to run back into the woods were Kai and Jeremy were fighting.

"Kai" you yelled as your hair starts to turn silver and your eyes turned dark blue. Suddenly you used your ability to knock Kai off of Jeremy which allowed Jeremy time to grab the stake and stab it into Kai while you mumbled the words for the prison world to ensure that Kai is never able to escape again.

Once Kai was gone you ran towards Jeremy. "Jer are you okay?" You asked as you hugged him. He wrapped one of his hands around your back while the other was in your hair. "I'm okay" he replied as he kissed the top of your head.

"How did you do that?" He asked remembering what you just did. "long story let's go home and I'll explain it.

Back at the house:

"So my mum was a hunter and my dad was a powerful warlock but in order for there to be a truce between the hunters and the witches and warlocks my mother had to marry my father. They eventually fell in love which ended up being true. However a vampire killed my mother so my father went on a rampage and starts killing alot of vampires until a powerful vampire name Kathrine killed him." You said as everyone was staring at you in shock.

"Holly crap that's awesome my girlfriend is a huntress/ witch" Jeremy said as he smiled at you. Everyone asked you questions for the rest of the night until you went up stairs with Jeremy to get changed into pj's and go to sleep.

"I love you Y/n, I hope you know that I will always fight harder for you than any one will right" Jeremy said as he kissed your head "I know you would Jeremy also I love you too" you replied as you reached up and kissed his lips passionately before pulling away for air.

You both smiled at each other before laying back down and falling asleep in each other's arms knowing that you both be there for each other no matter what happens.

The end.

Thanks for reading guys I hope you enjoy.

SW OUT 😋

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actualbird · 8 years ago

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hey!! if u dont mind me asking, what are ur top 5 bmc fics of all time and why? (including the ones you've already recced!!) anyway i hope ur doing great ily

THIS IS SO DIFFICULT WTF but i did it anyway. pls take note that these r my personal faves and curating this list was HARD bc i love so many fics and there r so many good ones out there hhhhhh!! but i did it!! god!!!! i tried to keep my paragraphs of praise (relatively) short-ish and spoiler free.

(!!!make sure to check the tags and the ratings of these fics!!! my previous bmc rec lists can be found here, here, and here.)

without further ado here is, in no particular order, 4 fics id take a bullet for (I KNO U ASKED FOR 5 but there are only really 4 that struck me to the point that i go on and on about them embarrassingly)

no such mirrors by Kalopsia

Jeremy didn’t know of any other superhero that had to commute.

Sometimes he was alone when he got the text, and it was easy to slide open the window and sling on over to whatever disaster was striking the City That Could Never Catch a Break. Other times it was during things like his parent’s divorce hearings, in Hackensack, and he’d have to spend his bar mitzvah money on a cab ride to the bridge and change into his spandex in the bathroom of a Dunkin’ Donuts. Even at home, he’d have to spend fifteen minutes slinging webs across highways and toll booths and the George Washington Bridge before he even saw what he was up against.

At least Christine could fly.

(or, the AU nobody asked for in which Jeremy is Spiderman and the rest of the crew has superpowers, except Michael, who has No Idea About Anything except for the fact he’s Spiderman’s #1 fan)

ive recced this before and i love it and! just!! GODDD!!!!! so i think this was one of the first fics i read upon falling into bmc and ive followed it even before i started writing any fic for the fandom myself. reading it was definitely a turning point which maybe cemented my stay in this weird corner of the internet because 1) it was the first Full bmc au fic i had read and 2) it’s so good.

exciting! hilarious! an incredible balance between jeremy’s normal life and jeremy’s spiderman life!! im usually very picky with fight scenes (ive been in several spy movie fandoms) but the ones here are so good fast paced and!! the movement!!!! it feels like watching a movie. of course, when the action dies down, this fic goes fucking hard with the emotions. the last few chapters have had me clutching my chest basically the entire time because god. damn. damn. send help. not just to me but like, to various characters in this goddamn fic, jesus. anyway overall this fic, when not hurting me, is so much fun to read.

your song’s got me feeling like by DivineProjectZero

“Actually,” the DJ says, “I watched you dance for a while.”

God, he just wants to have this man for one night.

this fic was literally just posted yesterday but it’s so good it’s my top 4 already. like okay ive been in love with DPZ’s fics since two years ago in the kingsman fandom (which u should also read if ur interested bc they are 👌👌👌) and when i saw she started writing for bmc i did the mental equivalent of vaulting over a 40ft hedge to yell at the world.

GOD THIS FIC!! heads up, this is porn. and it’s damn good at that. the gang are now functional adults and poor jeremy just meets the most gorgeous dj ever. like. okay all the characters here each get a little bit of their own screentime and it’s SO GOOD! the buildup? FANTASTIC. the chemistry? A++++++. the bit after? added 10 years to my lifespan and also made me believe in love. jeremy’s pov here is sooooooo good because it’s the self esteem mess we all know and love but translated into an older (though not exactly surer) version which is just a joy to read. well written and well paced and fantastically characterized and also the smut is incredible. i need to lie down for a bit.

Like Mother, Like Son by hurricanesunny

“Jeremy gets a text from his mom after a year of her being gone without contacting him.”

i have also recced this fic before and the first time i bingeread it i cried twice over the course of six chapters. i mightve cried more had i not paced myself. who knows!!! all i know is that this fic maybe probably totally owns my ass.

this fic is hands down my favorite post-canon fic for like. so many reasons. all the characters in this piece are glorious messes. like, no joke, they mess up and make mistakes and there are consequences everywhere, be it from the events occurring in the fic or events that had happened prior. theres so much . and. then. this fic confronts each and every one of those consequences. the structure of this piece reads like a one by one revenge arc, but instead of revenge, it’s jeremy making amends. AND IT’S THE BEST THING EVER. each chapter is a special kind of catharsis boosted forward by incredible characterization and a pov internal monolog to die for. the writing is phenomenal. the development is like. beyond words and i wanna scream. or maybe cry for the third time. anyway just. it’s good okay. im beginning to lose my coherency.

you give me miles and miles of mountains (and i’ll ask for the sea) by left_uncovered

It scares Jeremy sometimes, the things Michael does for him.

(Michael is in love with Jeremy. Jeremy just wishes loving and being in love were the same thing.)

havent recced this before but here i am now and. you have to read this. well, okay, you have to read this if youre fine with your heart being ripped out gently by an incredible fic that is a mosaic of pining and pain and how unfair things are sometimes. if ur alright with that, PLEASE READ THIS. IT’S SO GOOD.

left_uncovered, resident pain lord, is startlingly bad at actually getting Michael and Jeremy together in her fics but she’s so ridiculously good at constructing a story that is so real it cuts you to the bone and makes you hurt. it’s not the Over The Top kind of hurt, but the hurt that’s even worse because against all odds and optimism and hopes, you understand why it’s happening. sometimes things dont match up, and it’s a little bit of a tragedy for everybody involved. that’s life. this fic is just so gentle and so good at telling you that with short scenes and a stunning writing style that, at times, can only be described as brutal. in one word: ouch. in many words: ouch but holy god, this was fantastic.

so yeah!! there it is!! i highly recommend all these fics and the other fics these authors have written too. make sure to leave kudos on fics u like!! make sure to comment nice things!! show love!!

#ALL THESE AUTHORS FOLLOW ME SO UH //waves nervously. HI I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WORK #BYE!!!! //jumps into my sink #bmc fic rec #anon #asks

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musicalgamernerd · 5 years ago

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Squipcalypse Story (Chapter 1)

This is a story based on an idea I had about if Michael didn’t come to the play and stop the SQUIPs and I wanted to write it with my OC. So here it is and I hope you enjoy it

Kelly's POV:

I walk down the hallway files in my arms, the sound of my heels clicking on the floor echoing the vacant halls. As I approached my destination I fixed my tie and suit jacket to make sure they both look perfect and neat since I don’t want to get fussed at like last time.

I knocked on the door softly, trying to be careful not to be too loud if someone else is in there. When I get no response, I open the door slowly just in case. I flinch when I hear a loud noise from the door which makes me almost drop all the papers I have in my arm. Slowly walking in, I look both ways seeing there’s no one in the office. The office is pretty big compared to the rest of the offices I have seen in this building which makes sense for the world leader’s office. If I had to guess I would say my office is an 8th of this room. This office has a huge desk towards the end of the room with bookshelves and filing cabinets lined up perfectly along two of the walls. The whole office looks very organized and symmetrical.

I shut the door behind me and go behind the desk. I place the files to the side on the desk and get out a pen to write a note on a sticky note for the files. After I finish that I walk over to the big window behind the office chair and look at the view outside the main building. The room is pretty high up so I can see a lot. My office doesn’t have a window so I don’t really get to look outside that often unless I am out on a mission. My office doesn’t actually have that much. It only has one door with no windows and it only has room for a desk and a chair. There’s a filing cabinet in there but it’s not as big as the ones in everyone else’s offices. I hate being in my office but sometimes I have to. I don’t see why I have the shittest office. Even some of the people that work below me have better offices than me. I’m not only the secretary for the world leader but I’m also over the world security and I make sure everyone has a SQUIP like they’re supposed to and if not then I have to go give it to them so technically I do three things around here and I still get treated poorly. That’s not all though. I also have to deal with my boss being rude and putting me down. Like who told him he could treat me like that?

I jump when the office door opens. Turning around quickly I see none other than my boss Jeremy. My eyes widen slightly as I hurry back to the other side of the desk.

“What were you doing behind my desk?” He says in a warning tone.

“I wasn’t doing anything, sir! I was just looking out the window” I quickly say walking away from him.

“Why are you even in here?”

“You told me to bring you some files”

“I don’t see them”

“They’re on your desk”

“Well give them to me and stop slacking off!”

“S-sorry, sir!” I hurry over to his desk quickly grabbing the files and handing them to him.

He opens the files reading through them.

“Your handwriting is shit” He throws the files back to me “Take this back and redo them. This time with neat handwriting and I want it on my desk by the end of the day”

I go to pick the files up trying to organize them the way they were before.

“The end of the day?” I ask looking up at him, “I can’t do that! I don’t have enough time for that!”

“Well, I guess you better figure it out. Now get out of my office”

“Okay, sir. Will do” I get up, the files back in my arms like before but messier this time, and start to walk out of the room.

Before I get out of the room a voice gets my attention.

“And check your uniform. You look like a whore”

I continue walking out ignoring the comment. Maybe if my SQUIP actually worked like it’s supposed to I might be about to have this work done on time but no. My SQUIP has to be one that likes to be difficult.

I walk back into my office struggling to open the door due to the furniture in there. Once I manage to get in I sit down and lay my head down on the desk. When I feel tears start to try and break free I quickly grab a tissue and put it under the eyes to stop myself from crying. I look at the files again and grab a pen from my desk starting to work.

As I was finishing the first page of work my office phone started to ring. I don't even bother reading the number before I answer it.

"Hello?"

"Be in my office in 15" I hear Jeremy say hanging up before I can even respond.

I put the phone down and sigh starting to pick up my work. It's probably another mission where I have to go to someone's house and give them a SQUIP. I open up one of my desk drawers pulling out the gun I had that would give people a SQUIP. I didn’t really like to use it so I mostly just let my SQUIP take over on those missions.

I sigh, getting up and heading out into the hallway. There’s still not a lot of people in the hallway at this time which is understandable considering that most people in this area of the building sit in their offices or are out on missions.

When I get near Jeremy’s office I start seeing more and more people the closer I get. Most of the people I see work in the security department with me. Trying to stand on my tiptoes I attempt to look past all the people. Being 5’9 with heels near people who are 5’11 and up, I, of course, couldn’t see worth shit.

Getting tired of trying to see what was going on, I started trying to squeeze past people. When I finally get into the office, I see Jeremy talking with Jake who is the leader of security directly under me. They both turn to look at me when I enter the office out of breath from struggling to get inside.

“You want me to come here?” I say sounding more like a statement than a question.

“I know what I said,” Jeremy says looking away from me with a scowl on his face.

“Well, what did you need me for?”

“We have tracked down the resistors and I’m sending you on a mission to eliminate their leader”

“Me?!” I shout out louder than I probably needed to.

“Yes. Do you have a problem with that?” Jeremy glares down at me.

“N-no! I just don’t think I’d be able to do it and the rest of my jobs too”

“I’ll get someone else who can actually do their job to finish your paperwork,” He says not even looking at me. “Besides you won’t be going on this mission alone. How stupid do you think I am?”

“I didn’t mean to say that! Anyways, who is going with me?”

Jeremy gestures to Jake who looks at me and smiles.

“You’re sending me on a mission with Jake? Are you kidding me?”

“Don’t be that way. You know he’s one of the top people in security. If he goes you may come back in one piece”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“It means you don’t know how to do your job and you’ll probably be killed on sight. Now I’ve given Jake all the information about the base and the target. You’ll be driving and if you’re not back in 48 hours I will fire you and you’ll be stuck staying with the resistors. Got it?”

“Yes sir” I looked down as Jeremy handed Jake a file and gestured me out of the office.

When I walk out to the car, I lay my head on the wheel hoping this was just a messed up dream. As I was starting to get deep into my thoughts, I start hearing pecking on the passenger side window. I look up to see Jake.

I give him a questioning look.

He points the lock of the door which shows the door is locked.

I unlock the door and put my hands on the wheel not looking towards the other side of the car.

“Hey-” Jake starts to say before I interrupt him.

“Listen I just want to finish this mission so I can go back to my office and not have to deal with Jeremy’s bullshit so if you would gladly shut up and just give me the directions to the base I would greatly appreciate that.”

“What did I even do?” Jake asks. I don’t even have to look at him to know that he’s frowning.

“Nothing I’ve just had a bad year okay? Now don’t talk to me or mess with my radio” I say starting to back up the car. He doesn’t say anything and just starts looking at the files Jeremy gave him. Hopefully, he won’t be that hard to work with.

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thegloober · 6 years ago

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Gareth Evans on the Brutal Violence and Practical Effects of Apostle

by Simon Abrams

October 15, 2018 | May Contain Spoilers

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With the gory pagan horror film “Apostle,” Indonesian filmmaker Gareth Evans takes a big step away from the martial-arts genre that he put his indelible stamp on in both the “Raid” films and in “Merantau” before that. “Apostle” isn’t Evans’ first commercially released horror film: his contribution to the 2013 horror omnibus film “V/H/S 2” is widely considered to be the best in that movie. “Apostle” feels like more where that grisly short came from, though it also resembles British horror classics like “The Devils,” “Witchfinder General,” and “The Wicker Man,” all of which are acknowledged influences for Evans. In “Apostle,” Dan Stevens plays Thomas Richardson, a disillusioned atheist who travels to the secluded island of Erisden to retrieve his sister Jen from a pagan commune run by Michael Sheen’s Brother Malcolm, a desperate man who worships a mysterious Goddess.

RogerEbert.com spoke with Evans about how he achieved certain practical effects, why his latest film is so brutally violent, and what the film’s violence reflects about real-world toxic masculinity.

Of the your film’s acknowledged influences, “The Wicker Man” is the most irresistible for comparison’s sake, despite big differences between the two film’s lead protagonists. Your film’s protagonist, Thomas Richardson, is a very disillusioned atheist/agnostic, while in Robin Hardy’s film, the woman is very misguided by his faith. There’s that flashback to Thomas’s missionary days in Peking, but I wondered if you could talk about where Thomas comes from.

We kind of played off the idea of that Thomas’s father is devoutly religious: there’s an inscription above his fireplace about religion and suffering and things like that. So in terms of backstory: Thomas would have shouldered a lot of whatever physical abuse occurred in that house when he was a child. And he would have shielded his sister from it, so his sister was protected from that side of their upbringing, in a way. We started there with the backstory and what drew Thomas and Jen very, very close together. At every turn in Thomas’ life, he’s been met with violence. So the Peking Boxer Rebellion, when we came up with that as a flashback sequence, it was something to give us a sense of place and time, that validated my preference for this story to be told at the turn of the Victorian to the Edwardian period in England. We did some research into potentials for what could have been the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak, in terms of promises, disillusionment, loss of faith and descent into atheism.

The period is really striking. I’ve read you saying that the film takes place around 1905. Is that right?

Yeah, 1905.

You immediately place us in a different time at the beginning of the film, just using mannered language during the voiceover narration that’s taken from Jen’s letter to her father. Recording voiceover narration is so tricky, especially when it’s supposed to capture a character’s subjective point of view or emotional state. It’s even more tricky when you record somebody’s emotional state through voiceover with such mannered, period-specific language. Where did that letter and the way the characters talk come from? What was recording that voiceover like?

The letter was probably one of the first things we wrote, so when it came to developing the concept for the film … I had the initial seed of a concept, which was a short film that I sort of half-made in 2004/05. That film started with a similar premise, with a woman leaving and the only thing remaining left behind her was an envelope with a letter and a rose petal inside. So those elements carried over into what we ended up doing with “Apostle.”

When we were developing this concept—and reconfiguring that seed of an idea into something that would be set in 1905—we started adding more and more layers to it. One of the first things they did was write that letter. That kind of set the tone, in a way, for the world and the way the characters would behave, talk, or speak. It informed the characters’ language and their world. So it was very, very early on we wrote the letter.

In terms of the recording for it, I wish I had a better story for you other than we were in post-production doing the sound mix and we brought Ellen Reese in to do a recording of it. The beautiful thing about Ellen is that she’s such a talented actress that she managed to find, for me, exactly the right tone of internal fear but also something that felt like a little bit of resentment for the people holding her captive. It was a yearning for her safety. It was just a real interesting reading, really. But we didn’t have to do too many takes of that letter read because Ellen nailed it.

What was the name of that earlier short film?

Back then, it was called “Petals,” as in Rose Petal. It was a very, very different thing, but that was playing along the idea of Mother Nature to a degree, though not in the same level we did in “Apostle,” with the Goddess and things. It was more like: me in my early 20s trying to do a short film, thinking I could do a cool straightforward horror film in 10 minutes. It wasn’t that well developed, it was conceptual.

Was it ever released anywhere?

No, we never finished it.

You utilize Dan Stevens’ physicality in ways few other filmmakers have. I wonder if it’s fair to say you wanted the character’s presence—and the audience’s summary understanding of who he is—to mostly come from his body language?

I think a lot of it came from Dan, to be perfectly honest. There were moments with that character where we talked a little bit about his laudanum addiction, his dependency on it, all these things that could make him weak and vulnerable. I feel like audiences will get behind a hero like that. They get behind people who are not necessarily going to power-drive their way through a situation. Dan had to feel like he was somebody who could absolutely endure and persevere through that set of circumstances, and he brought with him this incredible off-kilter performance, this off-kilter body language that made him feel quite jittery and unsettled. When that’s your POV into this universe, and that’s the guy who’s going to take you on that journey, you immediately don’t feel comfortable. You immediately feel like you’re not on solid ground. And so a lot of that came from him.

I’ll give you an example: Dan and I talked about the idea of his slurring of speech. When we were making the film, we shot so much out of sequence that when we were jumping forward through about five or six different stages of the narrative and story order, I noticed that his slur would adapt and shift: it would sometimes be very strong or sometimes start to feel weaker. Initially, everyone’s thinking, “It’s a continuity error,” but we were looking at the margins of the script and it was like he’d beaten it out into, “This is the turning point where Thomas abandons the laudanum and starts focusing on the task at hand, and then he finds an element of sobriety and control.” At that point, his muscles and jaw start to relax and he’s able to talk, to have clearer diction then as well. So yeah, he really did put a huge amount of effort and a lot of work into it, and I think it’s a remarkable performance on his part.

It really is. You mentioned a turning point. For me, watching the film before speaking with you, the big turning point in the film comes in the scene where [hapless Erisden resident Jeremy] is tortured. I love how you visualize that change with this great POV shot where we see the sky from Jeremy’s perspective as the veins in his eye get crushed. I wonder how you achieved that effect both with the camera and those spidery red veins over the camera.

That was one of those shots where I always felt, “I don’t know if this is going to work.” I’m not a massive fan of POV shots usually. I find them to be quite distracting; they remove you from the story you’re telling. But I thought I could earn it in this instance. So in that whole sequence, when Jeremy’s being carried in towards the table, we insert one POV shot earlier in there, which is an upside-down POV shot, just so it could buy us the later POVs. Without that first shot, I think the second one would’ve felt even more distracting. In terms of the visual look of that scene, we bought ourselves the right to do that shot.

In terms of the technical ability to do that: we had the camera mounted on kind of a tripod head that we could kind of create the sensation of a ratcheting of the camera position so it would gradually feel like it was cranking up to point to the sky. And then everything else from that was all in the hands of Andi Novianto, who has been my VFX wizard since the first film I made. I’ve used him all the way up until now. We had three different VFX companies do work on “Apostle,” and Andi did the vast majority of the shots, and that was one of his shots. The great thing about Andi is he was working remotely from Indonesia at the time, so I had to just give him these little WhatsApp messages, speak to him on the phone, and try to convey what was in my head so he could replicate that. And so it was a case of just trying to explain the veins, the crushing of the veins, the fact that the vision would be slightly cloudy and blurred. And lo and behold, we get a version of the shot that comes in from Andi and it’s absolutely spot-on and perfect for what we wanted to do.

The sequence is upsetting for a couple of reasons, especially because from the start of the scene, we see that torture table getting built, but not the people who build it. It sort of takes a village, but nobody is singled out. From what I’ve read, it seems that production designer Tom Pearce oversaw the making of that torture device. Where did the materials come from?

Yes. First of all: Tom Pearce is an absolute genius. I loved working with him on this, and I felt like he just completely got everything we were trying to do with the film. When it came to the table: I started to design things in little sketches. I did some research into the medieval capital punishment method, which was not a fun afternoon at all. [laughs] It’s pretty dark stuff. Actually, the things that are in real life are far, far, far worse than anything we could have come up with ourselves.

Anyway, I came up with this table and the general gist of it was that all the items on there had to feel like they were organic to the village. So it’s made out of slabs of wood and wrought iron, and the vices would have been things they might have used in the construction of the houses. They would have been used for building tools. And the drill itself would have been used to carve out holes in the wood, again, in order for it to work as construction. So all of those elements, all those things that made up that heathen stand, would’ve been used to build the village, but now assembled in this way it’s to destroy a villager. So it had this nice, creepy, messed-up juxtaposition there that really spoke to us.

The gore in this scene begins with an unblinking, head-on look at the heathen stand’s drill tip as it enters actor Bill Millner’s head. Which is striking since, historically speaking, most gore movies have to shy away from showing actual penetration. Most gore movies show you blood welling up afterwards, but they won’t show you the moment that a murder weapon gets into someone’s skin. Is it fair to say you’d consider it a cheat to cut away before the drill entered Jeremy’s skull?

I think the intent was to reverse viewers’ expectations: I actually didn’t want to show the gore for that sequence. This is one of the stark contrasts between what this film is and what the “Raid” films are. When it came to the “Raid” films, everything is adrenalized, crowd-pleasing. It’s a roller coaster. You can watch an action scene unfold and cheer at the end of it. But in “Apostle,” this sequence was designed to hurt, to not only be physically, but emotionally painful. So I wanted to show you how that device worked, how it functioned, how the mechanism works. What happens when you turn this dial, that dial, whatever. And at the moment it’s about to be used, I’m going to cut away to show the emotional reaction of the people watching it, because you have people close to Jeremy breaking down in hysterics. The sheer devastation of his death is tearing them apart. And then meanwhile, you look at the community, the villagers, and even they are horrified by what they’re experiencing and seeing because none of them wanted it to happen. But what we’re experiencing in that moment is the overthrowing of a system. It’s the installation of a dictatorship through [Brother Malcolm’s second-in-command, Quinn], and everyone’s too afraid to challenge him. Because he’s Brutus; he’s about to overthrow everything. And so in that respect, it was an opportunity to say something about the village and the people there, and not be something that dwelled on purely the violence. So I’m going to put all the violence into (pardon the pun) your head, not on the screen.

How did you achieve that practical effect for this scene? It’s a great magic trick. What materials were used and how did you choreograph, as you said, eliding and implying so much of the violence?

You mean in terms of the drill tip?

Yeah, not just in terms of the blocking of the camera, but also what materials you used for the prop skull.

We did some really, really basic tricks. We were able to do a lot with the combination of Bill’s actual head and a prosthetic head. We would just drill holes at the top of the prosthetic head using rubber drill bits. We also extended the drill bits with CGI so we could have it pierce the skin of Bill’s head. The piercing of his skin is a CG effect from Andi, who is my wizard. A lot of it is clever split screens and keeping the cameras locked so that we can combine a number of different elements to make it feel like you’ve seen everything in one shot. When Quinn does place the rose petal very, very deep inside Jeremy’s head, that’s a combination of two different shots stitched together, so to speak.

The violence in your films always has this element of hyper-realism that I haven’t really seen in other films. There’s a detail in one “Apostle” scene that’s pretty quick, where a guy gets impaled by a whole bunch of spears. The detail that struck me most: you show the guy breathing heavily after he’s been murdered. You just hear him breathing heavily for what feels like an eternity. How integral for you was that detail? And when did you add that effect to the scene, that he’s still alive and we can still hear him panting?

Tom Pearce and I discussed how we were going to get that shot to work, and how we were going to get that effect to work. In fact, we kind of looked at … you know when you get like Snooker cues, where you can kind of screw them together? Basically we kind of worked on that as how we would do the spears going through the body. So we strapped a metal plate on actor Ross O’Hennessy’s body with lots of screw points, so we could screw in the fronts and backs of the spears to get them in the right positions, from the entry point to the exit point. Effectively, those positions were based on the game of Snooker.

As for the idea behind that scene: I really wanted to do a slow shot that would take its time to curve around, so that we see the guy propped up by the positioning of these spears that have gone through his body. I owe a lot to Kiyoshi Kurosawa, who did “Cure.” He did a film called “Charisma,” where there’s a whole sequence where one of the characters is killed with a katana sword that gets pushed through the body slowly and comes out the back of a wicker chair. It’s done in a way that’s almost all one shot. It’s an incredible trick and I was blown away by it, but there’s a stillness to it, a stillness to that person’s death, and that’s what I wanted to achieve. I wanted to get this stillness to this would-be assassin’s death, so that when the camera comes around, it would allow us to see this guy who, even in his dying moments—even though he’s literally seconds away from fading and being no more—every ounce of him wants to put that knife into Malcolm. So when Malcolm does come close, he is still driven by his task at hand, which is to kill this so-called prophet.

There are two more scenes I wanted to single out: the meat grinder table with the cables. From start to finish, did your conception of that scene change at all, or was it exactly as you imagined it?

That was a scene that we worked through a lot in pre-production. The mangle table was probably one of the most complicated things we’ve designed in terms of choreography because unlike the more … not straightforward, but unlike hand-to-hand combat where someone’s going to punch, someone’s going to kick, someone’s going to block, someone’s going to throw … in this scene, it’s a fight between two people, but nobody is ever going to really swing a punch or throw a kick. They only come into contact with each other maybe twice during the entire scene.

That whole sequence revolves around the table and how it functions. So before we could even do anything, we had to understand the engineering of it, the mechanics of that table. That was the challenge with that whole sequence, understanding the counterweights, what would happen with the counterweights, how they functioned and played a part of it, how does the lock-lever work. If you push it forward, then the counterweight will drop and push the hooks through the machine at a rapid rate, so it could be used to drag or pull up anything that’s too heavy. Once we sort of understood how that machine worked, that’s when we could start having fun with it, and that’s when we could start figuring, “Oh, OK, so this is the back and forth, this is the prey and the hunter and then the hunter and the prey as the tables get turned.”

Terrible use of the word tables there. But yeah, for me it was a fascinating experience and I was very fortunate that “Apostle” was my first project where I got to work with Jude Poyer, who’s a stunt coordinator who had spent a lot of his time in Hong Kong and came back to the UK to work in the industry. I’ve known of him for a really long time and we’ve become very, very good friends. We have a shared encyclopedic knowledge of Hong Kong action cinema. So he’s kind of become my action designer by choice now, and we’ve been working together lately on the next thing we’re doing. But I was so fortunate to have him and his team on board for this thing, because they really helped get under the hood of that machine and kept asking those questions so even though there were moments where I was happy enough to be like, “Oh, this just works! Let’s just do this!” They would demand that kind of understanding. They were like, “No, we have to know that this machine works. We have to know every aspect of this because the logic has to hold up.” And I’m so glad that they pushed for that, because it just made the scene a hell of a lot better.

The most harrowing scene in the movie has to the one where Thomas is trapped in that claustrophobia-inducing water canal, the one where he first meets the Goddess. Talk about some of the challenges you faced filming that scene.

Let’s just put it this way [laughs], that was nobody’s favorite day of filming. First of all, I always have to apologize to my director of photography, Matt Flannery, because he’s claustrophobic! And in everything we’ve done so far, I’ve put him in really increasingly tight spaces and nightmare situations, and this was no exception. It was a difficult environment to shoot in. We basically built a narrow canal and then we put a lid on top of it, so in a way, it was a coffin with a lot of water in it. That’s very uncomfortable for Dan, who we put in there for about a 10-11 hour day? He wasn’t in there for 11 hours, but he was in and out, in and out, shot by shot, setup by setup.

It’s not fun when you’re dipping yourself into water. No matter how much you try to heat it, it’s always going to feel a little bit cold. And then you go into a tent pumping heat in there, so it’s not good news. That was a day no one was looking forward to and no one wanted to go back and do again. It was hard to light, it was hard to pull focus in there, very difficult to get the shots we wanted to. But yeah, when people are watching it, they don’t really care about what we went through to make it! To work it has to be effective, so if it strikes the level of fear we hope we could with that sequence, then yes … I keep wanting to say it’s worth the suffering of that day. The truth is: everyone suffered except for me! I was pretty comfortable looking behind the monitor saying, “Yeah, let’s go again!” I always feel sort of disingenuous whenever I talk about how difficult life on set is, because for me it’s very, very comfortable!

It seems like the brutality of “Apostle” is, given the context of the story, a reflection of the male-dominated cruelty that the film criticizes. With the exception of [Jeremy’s girlfriend, Ffion] and the Goddess, most of the explicit violence happens to Thomas rather than the other women. Is that a line you didn’t want to cross, to show and exploitatively … brutalize these female characters?

Yeah. I didn’t see the point in showing violence against women. It’s been done, and to be honest, I feel like we’re past that now, or we should be in terms of that kind of exploitative angle. I’m a father raising a daughter, so that kind of stuff doesn’t really have any interest to me, you know what I mean? I don’t want to create content like that. We allude to certain things. Obviously, we don’t completely shy away from it. The film is about, to a degree, how these three men behave. It represents a little of the toxic masculinity that’s been prevailing for the last two or three years, that scares the shit out of me in terms of where we are as a society and where we are globally right now. So there’s those elements of it, and Quinn definitely represents some of that in terms of his attitudes and behavior, and his response and treatment of the women on the island. But I think you can do things about that without having to physically show that and create content that is just transgressive for the sake of being transgressive. It didn’t make sense for this film to be about that. It made more sense for it to be about Thomas’s journey, what he has to endure, and about the fact that he’s endured it in the past. It’s part of his backstory, that he survived that whole experience in Peking and came out the other end, and part of that backstory is to tell the audience, “This is what he’s capable of enduring.” It kind of informs what we can expect him to go through while he’s on this island, and what he’d be willing to put his body through, so to speak.

Based on that reading of Quinn—which is specifically what I was responding to—I wonder if it’s fair to say that you think that the violence that he and the other characters commit (and maybe even in the “Raid” films and “Merantau”) as an extension of toxic masculinity, as you put it?

It’s a combination of those things. To be honest, when it came to writing this film, what I wanted to do is make something that was an adventure-thriller-horror hybrid. I wanted to create this story, but there had to be a subtext to it. There had to be more going on than just, “Guy arrives to save someone and then here’s the roller coaster ride of it.” And at the time of writing it, it’s more like a reflective thing. I didn’t want it to be seen as a social or political message. I’m not using this film to jump on a soapbox and tell the world how I feel. It’s more just that the things that … the layers of fear and violence, whether it’s toxic masculinity and whether it’s man’s ability to corrupt and purge religion in order to further a political game: all of those things were drawn from the headlines, from newspapers, from news items, from what was going on globally, whether it was issues of toxic masculinity or these very public displays of violence and vulgarity. When you saw ISIS orchestrating these horrendous, ritualistic murders in public—it was reflective of that. It was all those things feeding into my fears, insecurities and anxieties that was feeding into the story that I was telling. So it’s kind of more on a subconscious level as opposed to it being, “Here’s what I want to say to the world,” so to speak.

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