#I didn’t start this blog too long ago so that’s rlly cool

[nincel69]

Holy shit I have a hundred followers now wtf‼️‼️

[ichorai]

whittled by stars ; j.yh

requested by @sunlightwoo (8 + reincarnation au) for my milestone celebration !!

pairing ; yunho x reader (gender-neutral)

summary ; you watched him die yesterday. what was he doing following you now?

themes ; fantasy, angst, reincarnation au, soulmates au

words ; 1.2k

warnings / includes ; lots of talks of death, a metaphor involving a weapon, yunho is pretty and smells good but what's new, reader has a stick up their ass me finks, allusions to a vvv heavy past ;-; the two of them have #history

a/n ; i'm rlly happy with how this turned out !! might turn this into a whole ass series or smth </3 i love this concept and dynamic sm so thank you to gina for requesting it :( on another note, i just made a new ficrecs blog, @ichorbarnes if any of yall wanna check that out :D

masterlist.

“Leave me alone,” you hissed out angrily without turning around to face the bane of your existence. “You died yesterday. I was there. I saw you.”

“Hello to you, too.” The man一you couldn’t quite be bothered to learn his name一merely tilted his head and gazed upon you with a certain affinity you didn’t replicate. “Fate has a strange way of pushing us together, no?”

The heavens rolled into your line of sight when you cast your exasperated gaze to the bleeding sky. Setting suns meant you had to go back home. There was no time to dawdle with bumbling fools. “Don’t follow me.”

The dull thuds of his boots echoing behind you as you hurried out of the main city didn’t go unnoticed. He was following you.

“When was the last time you died?” he called out, to which you stuck out an unsavory finger without turning back. Perhaps if you ignored him, he would grow bored and walk away. The silent tactic proved to be futile, for he strode up to you with those ridiculously long legs of his until he was right in front of you, walking backwards. “I asked you a question.”

“And I’m not answering.”

It was very much satisfying to watch him ram straight into a street lamp. The pole wobbled beneath his weight. He winced as he rubbed at the back of his rattled skull, before jogging to catch up with you.

“Do you not notice anything different about me?”

The fleetest of glances towards his tall figure made you realize that he had peach-pink locks in his last life. Now, in stark juxtaposition to before, his head was streaked with crimson and ebony; the criminally attractive hue of danger. If that didn’t scream stay away from him, you didn’t know what else did.

Well, maybe the curved dagger he gripped in his hand raised a red flag as well.

“Got a makeover?” you scoffed with a faux grin before dropping it just as quickly as it formed. “I don’t give a shit about what you do.”

“That’s not what I remember you saying when we were trapped in a cave together.”

You cracked your mouth open, but promptly decided against saying anything too rash.

“Nor is it what you said… was it six lifetimes ago? Maybe seven? When we fought in a war together. You cried when I died, right? Held me in your arms and told me you loved me.”

The distant memories he brought up from so long ago had you halting in your tracks. “Those were different times.”

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips. “And through all your lives, you’ve never asked for my name.”

“I don’t want to know.”

“Too bad,” he leaned close, close enough where you caught a whiff of his fresh citrus aroma and you were forced to hold your breath, terrified of breathing him in. “I’m Yunho.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should,” with a heady sigh, Yunho carried on. “You’re Y/N. I’ve known for about two lives now. Heard the guards talking about you while we were in a holding cell. Remember that?”

You did. “I don’t.”

The sun was now long gone, leaving behind only the faintest traces of light with the stars. They blinked down at you, cold and distant, calculating and vengeful. Just like you.

“Why are you so hell-bent on pushing me away? We’re fate-bound. Why not accept it?” It was evident that frustration was starting to spider through his veins, but he kept a cool visage, staring at you with what you knew as concern. You’ve seen it a million times in a hundred different lives. Yunho cared for you, but you weren’t sure you could quite say the same for yourself. Not now, at least.

Something with what he said didn’t sit right with you. So you thrusted a finger into his chest, prowling forward until you were just a hair’s breadth away from his face. Surprise was what propelled him backwards, until his back hit the brick wall of a closed store. Under the flickering light of the street lamps, you could detect aureate flecks in his irises, wide and curious. Had they always been there? A million resurrections, and you still found new things about him.

There was naught an ounce of precaution in this man, considering how he let you walk all over him. No wonder he’s died so many times.

“Let me make this clear, Yunho,” A tremor crept down his spine at the way you spat his name out with menace. “We aren’t fate-bound. What the fuck does that even mean? Soulmates? Please, don’t make me laugh. Soulmates don’t exist. And if they did, you’re the last person fate would pair me up with. Got it?”

A ghostly breeze whispered past the two of you as you glared at him, tousling his hair so it careened into his eyes. He was a beautiful man; not even a million deaths has changed that. You wondered if you’ve changed physically after so long. Sure, you used to love him in some lives, but that only happened far and few, not even mentioning the shortness of it all. Love was quick to fall from your grasp, blackened sand falling through the cracks between cupped hands. Love only brought pain, a poisoned dagger thrusted between your ribs, corrupting and merciless in manner. Love were the lies that stuck to lungs, the tears clinging to lashes, the trumpet of war you only knew to be your fading heartbeat.

You always ended up losing Yunho, and you weren’t quite keen on reliving that again.

“Crystal,” Yunho replied in a detached manner. He didn’t look too sure of himself. The bottom of his lips found its way between his teeth as he furrowed his brows and observed you. This man was whittled by pure starlight, you were so sure of it, and you had to wrench your eyes from his handsome features to stave away the strange feeling in your abdomen. “You know this won’t be the last we see of each other, right? We always end up entangled in some sort of mess together.”

You had nothing to say to his jab, refusing to admit that he was right. Yunho was one of the only constants, no matter which universe or time period you get reincarnated into, that clingy bitch. You wrinkled the bridge of your nose, shrugging a shoulder before murmuring, “Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone, then.”

Much to your resigned chagrin, the slight smile that flowered his lush lips almost had your knees buckling as you pushed yourself away from him.

This time, he didn’t follow you when you stormed away, watching your figure disappear as you rounded the corner of a rickety, lopsided building. He wasn’t worried; you were strong and knew how to take care of yourself. He’ll see you again, disregarding your baleful warning completely (in fact, seeing you all riled up sparked an old flame within his chest). And, to be frank, he was quite excited by the prospect.

[httpjeon]

made of stardust: folia — seokjin (m.)

seokjin/reader | alien!au | fluff, smut

wordcount: 9.5k

contents: alien dick!seokjin (he has tentacles), intoxication, kissing under the influence, seokjin rlly cares about consent, squirting, vaginal and anal sex, light size kink, LOTS of kissing, seokjin knows he's good looking

— synopsis: stressed from work, you're sent on vacation to the beautiful, tropical planet of Liana where you meet a beautiful Folian man named Seokjin, who makes your vacation 10x better.

note: the first installment of mosd! ik it's been pretty anticipated; seokjin's version is the least convoluted and messy of the bunch so that's why he's first! taehyung is next!

blog masterlist — made of stardust masterlist

© httpjeon 2019. do not repost, modify, or translate.

With a smile on your face, you inhaled the crisp, sweet scent that carried on the breeze. Adjusting your grip on your suitcase, you gazed out towards where you heard the soothing crashing of waves hitting the shore.

"Miss. ______?" you jumped at the sound of someone saying your name, drawing your attention away from the ocean.

"Um, yes that's me," you smiled, meeting the dazzling smile of a young woman.

"I'm Yura, I'll be your guide," she said, "I'll show you to your hotel."

"That would be lovely," you nodded, following her towards a black vehicle — a craft you had gotten used to seeing already. 

She helped you load your suitcase into the trunk before opening the passenger door to let you in. You relaxed into the plush, red leather seat with a sigh and let your eyes drift towards the window. The sight of beautiful architecture and foliage passed by and you could just feel the built up stress beginning to evaporate.

At first, you hadn't wanted to go on vacation but eventually, you were urged to do so by your supervisors. As part of your job, they figured they could send you to Liana — a beautiful, tropical planet teeming with rain forests and life.

The planet was part of six in a solar system called the Vela System in the Fanet IV galaxy. It was a recently opened galaxy as part of the Interplanetary Relations Commission’s goal of making every galaxy accessible for visitation. Over a millennium ago, the Commission, started on Earth, began to expand from nearby planets to nearby solar systems and eventually nearby galaxies. While there were over 500,000 galaxies currently under the IRC’s treaty, more and more galaxies opened every month. The Fanet IV’s capital planet, Vulia, was the first to allow an IRC Embassy to be built and eventually the Commission’s reach expanded to all the planets. 

Liana was the second, and most eager to open, the race of aliens known as Folia, excited to show their beautiful planet off to anyone. As a result, it quickly became somewhat of a vacation resort.

"You'll be staying in Vano's most prestigious hotel," Yura explained, making you break your gaze from the window to look at her, "You'll have direct access to private springs and you'll be right on the shore of the beach, it's really lovely."

"Wow, I can't wait," you smiled, gazing out the window once again.

It wasn't too long before you were pulling into a parking space outside a gigantic building — taller than anything you'd ever seen on Earth. You gaped at the hotel — the sign written in the native Folian script which you hadn't had the chance to learn yet.

Yura opened the trunk and pulled your suitcase from inside, extending the handle before motioning for you to follow her. You hurried your footsteps, unable to help but gape at the beautiful trees and plants that lined the hotel aesthetically. 

The inside was beautiful, the walls, floor, and ceiling were made of marble-like stone that shimmered underneath the light. There was a young man at the counter, who smiled at the sight of you.

"Welcome! You're Miss. _____, I presume?" he asked, typing something on the hologram computer in front of him, "Your room is 1807 — this card will let you in."

You took the metal card from his hands, a little light blinking green on the end. You thanked him and pocketed it, following Yura towards the elevator.

She pressed several buttons on the wall, foreign words flashing across the touch screen as she tapped away on it with a well manicured finger. In the blink of an eye, the doors were opening to a beautiful hallway decorated with red and black accents. Stepping out, you felt your feet sink into the carpet slightly, making you lose your balance.

"Oh!" Yura gasped and grabbed your arm, giggling softly as you finally caught your balance, "Careful there..."

"Wasn't expecting that," you mumbled, stepping aside to let her roll your suitcase out of the elevator.

"Yeah, most people get surprised," she chuckled, "Typically you'll be barefoot out here, so wearing shoes kind of feels weird on the floor."

"The decorations here are beautiful," you mumbled, passing by a tall obsidian vase with flowers such a vibrant shade of orange that it hurt your eyes to look at.

"Yes, well, this is the most high-end resort on the planet," she said, stopping in front of a door, "You can only expect the best here."

You pulled the key card out and pressed it against the scanner, watching the light flash in a series of yellow blinks before there was a loud click. Yura turned the handle and pushed the door open.

You stepped inside and gasped at what you saw. A beautiful chandelier hung from the ceiling, casting a soft glow through the room. There were velvet, powder blue curtains drawn over the huge windows. Bypassing the canopy bed, you opened the curtains and smiled.

You were very high up on the 18th floor, allowing you to see the ocean disappear in the horizon. It was beautiful, the sun beginning to set, bathing the world in a brilliant shade of orange.

"Well, Miss. ______," you turned away from the window to see Yura leaning over the desk writing something down on a notepad, "This is my contact information. I am at your disposal, feel free to call if you have any questions or concerns. If you wish to go somewhere, please let me know and I'll be more than happy to show you around."

"Thank you so much, Yura," you smiled, walking her to the door to bid her goodbye.

Once you were alone, you let out a sigh and kicked your shoes off before pulling your socks off. Smiling, you felt your bare feet sink into warm, plush carpeting. The fibers were soft and seemed to swallow your feet.

Flopping back onto the bed, you breathed in the soft, sweet scent that wafted from the bedding. Hugging a pillow to your chest, you rolled over and gazed out the window as the sun dipped beneath the horizon. Your eyes began to feel heavy as you relaxed before you finally fell asleep— tuckered out from the trip from Earth.

You groaned as you stretched, slowly waking up. The first thing you noticed was the fact you'd fallen asleep in jeans — extremely uncomfortable. You sighed and sat up, casting a glance out the window to see the moon was sitting high in the sky.

Getting out of bed, you approached the window. The moon was brighter and closer to the planet than the moon on Earth and even the light from the city couldn't dim its reflection off the dark sea. The stars sparkled vibrantly in the sky and you smiled. Looking down, you could see the tide was hitting the shore more violently than it had been during the day. Backing away, you unzipped your suitcase and began to dig around to fetch some pajamas.

Before the trip, you had gone shopping for new clothes to wear to the alien planet. That included a new, expensive silk pajama set. It felt light and cool against your skin, felt even better as you curled up beneath the thick, soft blanket to properly sleep.

You adjusted the tie of your bathing suit behind your neck, the knot rubbing and irritating your skin. The elevator buzzed before the door opened and you stepped on, shivering as your bare feet hit the cold, tiled floor.

"What the..." you stared at the panel, flashing flights and holographic numbers confusing you. A message in the Folian language scrolled past on the screen and you sighed, deciding to just press the button beneath the "1", hoping it wouldn't take you to a basement.

The door opened immediately and you smiled proudly as you stepped into the lobby. Looking around, you adjusted your bag on your shoulder.

"Are you looking for the entrance to the beach?" you gasped, spinning around to look at the person who startled you. She smiled kindly, wearing a uniform with the name 'Lee' sewn into the fabric, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you,” she apologized, bowing her head slightly. 

"Oh it's...fine, yeah um," you cleared your throat, "I'm looking for the beach."

"If you'll go through those double doors, you'll find the access point," she said, motioning to the two glass doors across the lobby, “It's a panel on the wall at the end of the hall.”

"Thank you," you smiled before turning your back to her before making your way over to the doors.

You pushed them open and immediately got a huge whiff of sea salt. Walking down the hallway, your footsteps echoed off the tiled walls as you made your way towards the end. You stopped at the wall, a panel blinking on the wall just like the woman had told you.

It took you a moment to realize that it looked like the panel for your room so your hotel keycard may work. Mentally, you cursed yourself for not learning how to read the language before coming. Pulling the metal card out, you held it up to the panel, watching a pink light flash over it as it was scanned before the card blinked green.

Something let out a loud clunk and you stumbled away as part of the wall moved, indenting inward before beginning to ascend. You squinted as the sunlight blinded you and the sound of waves crashing against the shore and the numerous voices of beach goers met your ears. You stepped through the newly made doorway and jumped when it quickly slammed back down and vanished into a simple wall again.

As soon as your feet hit the sand, you sunk into it. Looking down, you wiggled your toes curiously. 

It was sand unlike anything on Earth. It was purple — a very light shade that it was almost white and instead of being hot like you would expect from being blasted by two suns, it was cool. Crouching down, you grabbed a fistful, watching the tiny grains slip through your fingers back down to the ground.

You stood back up and looked out towards the water, the surface sparkling beneath the sun's rays.

It was a wonder to see two suns in the sky as opposed to the one on Earth. The larger of the two was similar to Earth's but a second, smaller one sat in its shadow a brilliant blood orange color. Your could also see the silhouette of a couple of the other planets as well — Vulia and Argo as the two nearest planets to Liana, you assumed.

The sound of someone scream caught your attention and you turned just in time to watch a man playfully push a woman into the water. You couldn't help but smile as she resurfaced, shouting in a language you didn't recognize.

It was true, what Yura had said; that Liana was an extremely successful vacation hub. You took a seat on the sand, enjoying the cool feel of it beneath you. Closing your eyes, you let the sunlight warm your skin and relax you.

It felt like you were there for hours before finally packing your things up. Your skin was still damp from a quick dip you had taken in the ocean — the water was startlingly warm as you had been expecting the cold shock that always came from the Earth's oceans.

You held the card in your hand as you approached the panel you had used to get out. When you scanned it, you were immediately blasted with the building's AC. It felt nice but a little chilly, causing goosebumps to rise all over your moist skin.

The door shut behind you and you sighed, looking around the tiled hallway. You were pretty tired, energy having been sucked out of you from swimming. 

"Hey..." you noticed there was a glass door hidden away in a corner. There was a sign in the window that you couldn't read and approached it.

Pushing the door open, you stepped onto a warm carpet. There were sweet scents wafting from all around you, aromas that you couldn't help but inhaling more of.

Too busy looking around, you didn't notice a person heading right for you until he ran into you. You stumbled, gasping in surprise at the contact. Before you could fall, a strong hand grabbed your arm and steadied you.

"Whoa," he chuckled, "You good?"

"Ah, yeah sorry..." you bashfully cleared your throat, "Wasn't paying attention—" you stopped when you finally looked up. The man wore a confident smile on his pretty lips. His skin was soft, almost glowing without a single flaw in sight. He had broad shoulders and a sharp jawline, a beautifully proportioned body.

He was absolutely stunning.

"Let me guess...you're a tourist," he raised a perfectly manicured brow at you.

"H-How did you—"

"You all get this dreamy, astounded look on your faces when you see a Folian," he scoffed, folding his arms over his chest, “I'm Seokjin, by the way.”

"______...and um...I've met several Folians...since I've been here..." you mumbled, his voice alone making your eyes flutter.

"Nah," he shook his head, leaning closer, "Vano is actually predominantly IRC territory now, you know where all the embassies and foreign politicians come to stay and whatnot. Folians don't really hang around the resort," he grinned, meeting your gaze, "...you'll know when you see a pure-blooded Folain," he grinned, "Like myself."

"I-If...um..." his smile was so dazzling it left your brain scrambled for a second before you shook your head and continued, "If it's not common then why are you here?"

"Well," he chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, "The springs here are...insane."

"The springs?" you asked.

He nodded, "You haven't heard?"

"I mean...my travel guide told me there are some but..." you shrugged, motioning for him to continue.

"Oh, man," he smiled, "They're amazing — literally the best in the galaxy,” it was clear he was boasting, obviously feeling a strong sense of pride over the claim. 

"Is that so?" you asked, allowing a small smile to come to your own face.

"Yeah," licking his lips, he shoved his hands in his pockets. Inhaling, you caught a whiff of his cologne and it smelled absolutely amazing. His eyes raked over your form and you became acutely aware that you were still wearing your bikini top, "You know, it's better...going with someone."

You crossed your arms over your chest and cocked your head to the side, "Are you asking me to go to the springs with you?"

"Yeah, I," he chuckled, nodding his head, "I guess I am."

"First, tell me what this place is," you said, motioning around the room.

"Oh, it's just a massage parlor," he responded, "People come in for a rubdown after being on the beach so they can go back to their rooms and relax. I got one before you came in."

You hummed, "I'll have to check it out..."

"So...you coming with me?" he asked, already making way for the door.

"Oh, uh yeah," you hurried after him, slipping through the door before it closed behind him.

You followed closely behind him, staring up at the back of his head. It made you realize that he was pretty tall. Too entranced in watching his hair bounce and the confident way he walked, you didn't pay attention to where you were going.

Suddenly, he stopped and you bumped into his back with a grunt.

“Hey…” you mumbled, stepping away to see him looking over his shoulder at you with a smirk on his face.

“Lost in thought?” he teased, raising a brow.

“No,” you lied, making him scoff.

“Sure, anyway, we're here,” he said, pulling a plush green curtain aside to wave you in.

Stepping past, you gasped at what you saw. Walls of shimmering rock closed in the space surrounding the spring. You could see steam rising off the surface of the water and it made your skin grow sticky from the humidity in the air.

“Come on then,” his voice was muffled as he was pulling his shirt over his head.

Your mouth went dry at the sight of his body; he was well built, and his skin was beginning to shine from the humidity. He reached down and unbuttoned his jeans, making you gasp and cover your eyes.

“Hey now,” he chuckled, “I don't know what you expected to see but…” he trailed off and you took your hands off your eyes to see he was already half submerged in the water.

“Y-You can't just do that,” you complained, pulling off the leggings you wore over your bikini bottoms.

“Do what?” he sighed, leaning back against the rocks lining the spring.

“Strip like that, are you even wearing anything?” you asked, finally making your way towards the water.

“Of course I am!” he gasped, “You’re not lucky enough to see me naked.”

“Oh the burden,” you replied sarcastically, rolling your eyes as he laughed.

You dipped your toes into the water and hissed at the heat. Your skin quickly adjusted and you were able to comfortably slip into the water and make your way over to where he was sitting.

“Does no one come here?” you asked, referring to how empty it was.

“Eh,” he shrugged, “I guess it's just not a busy time.”

You both fell into a comfortable silence, relaxing and closing your eyes as you let the heat of the spring ease all the tension your body retained. You could literally feel the stress melting off.

The peace was interrupted by boisterous laughter coming from the entrance way. You jumped as a couple of guys wandered in joking and goofing off with one another.

Your eyes were fixated on them — their good looks on par with Seokjin’s. You followed them with your gaze, unable to break away as the men shed their shirts and prepared to enter the spring.

“Hey,” you jumped when you felt Seokjin’s breath against your ear. Glancing at him, you found you were inches away from his face, “I know they're good looking, but you're here with me...shouldn't your attention be on me?”

“U-Um...I’m sorry…” you muttered, heart stuttering in your chest when you noticed how thick and pretty his lips were.

He smiled, “Good girl.”

Despite the fact you were submerged in a hot spring, you felt a shiver go down your spine.

Your trip was cut off shortly after when he let you know that he had somewhere he needed to be. You bid him goodbye and returned to your room, the memory of the beautiful Folian man lingering in your mind as you curled up to sleep that night.

You stepped out into the hallway, your flip flops dangling from your hand as you turned around and checked to make sure your door properly locked. Suddenly, a heavy hand landed on your shoulder and you swallowed down a scream as you spun around to see who it was.

“Seokjin,” you greeted with a smile, quickly relaxing, “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” he grinned, looking down at his own outfit. He was dressed nicely, black slacks and a white button down that had the sleeves rolled up with the first few buttons undone to expose his chest and collar bones. His hair was combed back to show his forehead and you could only say he looked like a model.

If he were a man on Earth he'd probably be the top male model in the industry with his good looks.

“What're you doing here?” you asked, adjusting your bag on your shoulder.

“I'm staying on this floor,” he replied, “Just happened to see you when I was heading to the elevator.”

“Oh, well that’s a coincidence,” you smiled, beginning to turn away to go to the elevator.

“Why're you going to the beach so late, it's starting to get dark?” he asked, halting you.

“The beach is really pretty at night,” you explained, “It's pretty common on Earth so I thought it might be fun here as well.”

“I see,” he hummed and shoved his hands into his pockets. He shifted on his feet almost awkwardly and you took that as your cue to let him escape the conversation.

“Well, I’ll see you later,” you offered him a small wave over your shoulder before you once again turned to make your leave.

"Hey, wait!" he called and you stopped again, turning to see him walking closer to you, "You haven't been here long right?"

"Just a couple days, why?" you asked.

"Well," he cleared his throat and shrugged his shoulders, "I was wondering if you had a chance to see...what Liana really has to offer."

"What do you mean?" your question caused a small smirk to appear on his lips and he leaned even closer so that you could see the way the lights reflected off his dark irises.

"I mean, outside of this resort," he said, "There's so much you can see and experience."

"I-Is that so?" you cursed yourself for stuttering but having him so close made you nervous — a fluttering kind of nervous. 

"Yeah," he chuckled and stood up straight once again, "Why don't you get dressed up and come with me?"

He didn't really give you any room to argue, not that you wanted to, so you nodded and pulled your key card out. You could feel his eyes on you as you unlocked your door and slipped inside. Leaning back against it, you let out a sigh and looked around the room.

Scrambling to undress, you ran over to your closet and pulled it open. You mentally thanked your past self for packing a couple of more dressy clothes — just in case, you had told yourself when you hadn't known what to expect from your vacation.

Pulling out the tight black mini-dress you figured would match with Seokjin the best, you hurried to pull it on. Smoothing the fabric down, you ran to the bathroom and flicked the light on. Your makeup bag sat on the counter and you really didn't want to keep him waiting so you opted for simple eye makeup but a bold red lip.

Just as you were spraying some setting spray when there was a soft knock at your door. Sighing, you fluffed your hair a bit before racing to the door to slip your shoes on.

You yanked the door open to see Seokjin leaning against the door jamb, fist raised like he was going to knock again.

"You're so impatient," you complained, turning your back to pull your purse from your abandoned beach bag.

"What can I say?" he stepped back to let you exit the room.

Shutting the door, you let out a sigh, "Let's go then."

"You look..." he let out a low whistle, eyes scanning your entire body, "You look really good...you almost look better than me."

"Oh real flattering," you mumbled sarcastically, smiling when you heard him chuckling behind you.

When you left the hotel building, you followed him to a car garage to a craft that he opened with the press of a button. Climbing in, you looked around at all the buttons as he got on as well. He typed around on a small, holographic screen before the car started.

"Whoa," you whispered as you realized it was completely self driving.

You watched the glitz and glamor of the resort disappear into a dark, desolately populated area. The buildings were run down and there were few lights to be seen until the car pulled down a small side street with several small buildings lit up by neon signs.

The car shut off and he got out, opening the door for you as he waited for you by the sidewalk. Once out of the car, you could hear the deafening bass of music coming from the buildings surrounding you.

"We're going here," he grabbed your wrist, tugging you in the direction of a building lit up with the sign 'The Core' flickering above the blacked out door.

The floor was packed with people dancing and moving to the rhythm of the music. Cigarette smoke burned your eyes and made you cough as you let Seokjin lead you through the crowd. Reaching the end of dancefloor, he pulled you in the direction of another doorway obscured by a black curtain.

As soon as you stepped inside, you were knocked breathless in shock at what you saw. Inside there were dozens of lounge chairs and couches filled with people. Women sat on men's laps on the lounge chairs while men laid above women on the couches — all of them with wandering hands and lips locked in heated kisses.

Your mouth was dry at the shameless displays of intimacy, all of them practically having sex right there in the open. Seokjin didn't even cast a fleeting glance towards the people, instead tugging you in the direction of the empty bar counter.

Once seated, you were able to see another doorway beyond the wall with lights flashing from within. You leaned back a bit to see a woman pressed against the wall, arms wrapped around another woman's neck as they kissed. Blushing, you avert your gaze and glanced down at the shiny bar countertop. 

"You got anything like this on Earth?" he asked, talking a bit louder to be heard over the muffled music coming from the other room.

"Um..." you clear your throat and shake your head, "I mean...we have nightclubs but...no one does..." you motioned towards the people and he chuckled.

"Well," he shrugged and raised his hand to wave the bartender over, "Get me some Red."

"Sure thing," the bartender nodded and turned his back to prepare the drink.

You watched his hands move to dispense some red liquid into a glass cup adorned with gold and jewel accents. He placed it in front of you both and dipped two metal straws into it.

"What's this?" you asked as he motioned for you to take a sip.

"It's a drink," he smiled, resting his cheek on his hand against the bar counter.

"Obviously," you muttered, eyeing the drink with a frown, "You drink first."

"A bit suspicious aren't you?" he chuckled to aimed the straw towards his mouth and took a couple sips, "See? I wouldn't poison you or anything."

"Is it alcoholic?" you asked, pulling the glass closer to you.

"Not in the way it is on Earth," he replied, "Though the effects vary for humans. It gives Folians a buzz and feelings of euphoria...but sometimes it doesn't even do anything for humans..."

You hummed and took the straw into your mouth and sucked. It was cold on your tongue, holding a sweet almost tangy taste you simply couldn't identify. Swallowing it down, you licked your lips to chase the remnants.

"What is it?" you asked when you finally pulled away.

"Blood," he replied, taking his straw to have another taste.

You blinked, brain slow to comprehend what he had said, "Come again?" your jaw fell open as you squinted at him.

"It's Folian blood," he said.

"You...you drink your own blood?" you asked.

He nodded, mixing it a bit with his straw, "It's a delicacy, as you tasted it's really tasty and like I said before...it causes a state of euphoria...why wouldn't we drink it?"

"Well..." you frowned and thought about his words, "I mean human blood tastes terrible so...I guess it's just a weird concept to me..."

"We're not the only ones who drink it," he explained, "It's manufactured and sold to all planets of the Vela System. It's a pretty good source of income for the planets economy."

You hummed and decided to take another sip. Once again the sweet, tangy flavor melted on your tongue and you sighed — it really did taste good. There was nothing on Earth you could even compare it to.

The two of you shared the drink until it was empty and he pushed the glass away. You felt so much more relaxed while he wore an almost dreamy smile on his face.

"So...what's up with all this?" you motioned to the dozens of people who were still latched onto one another without a care in the world.

"Hm? It's just...I dunno, you don't have sex on Earth?" you choked at the question and waved your hands quickly.

"N-No...I mean yes we do but..." you felt your cheeks heat up as you spoke, "It's sort of something more private, on Earth you'd be arrested for this."

"What? Why?" his brows were furrowed in confusion.

"Well...It's not something that's...meant to be seen by all, you know?" he shook his head and you sighed, "It's sort of an intimate act, I guess? I mean people have casual sex but it's not something that people want to share with the world...it's just private for us."

"I see..." he hummed and spun on the stool to face the people, leaning back against the counter with his elbows supporting him, "Here it's sort of hierarchical."

"What do you mean?" you asked, following his lead to turn towards the couches.

"Well, here sex is pretty important for us," he said, "It's sort of a social ranking. Really successful people who are deemed to contribute more to society are permitted to have multiple spouses. Instead of it being illegal to actually have sex in public here, it's illegal to take more partners than your social rank permits — depending on how many more you take the punishment varies."

"Whoa..." you whispered, "It's sort of an egotistical thing to have multiple partners on Earth— like a guy with the most scores has bragging rights."

"That's interesting," he hummed, "We've got egotistical assholes as well but..."

"How many are you permitted?" you asked suddenly, making him look at you in surprise.

Even you were shocked at your own question. It wasn't like you at all. Though, with every moment that passed you began to feel more of the effects of the drink. You felt so light and happy, completely worry free. It seemed like there were no consequences to anything you did or said, giving you a green light to ask him whatever you wanted with confidence.

He chuckled, "You're really feeling it aren't you?"

"Don't ignore my question," you mumbled, narrowing your eyes in what was probably a very non-threatening glare.

"Well," he slid off the stool and held his hand out to you, "I'm permitted a few."

"How many is a few?" you asked, taking his hand to let him help you down.

As soon as you were on your feet, you felt everything move beneath you and suddenly you found yourself crushed against Seokjin's chest.

"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice sounding a little distorted in your hazy mind.

"I...I guess," you giggled, enjoying the feeling of his arms around you as he began to carefully lead you to the exit of the club.

The entire car ride was a blur. You remember holding onto his hand and him allowing you to, keeping his eyes on you the whole ride. His gaze made your heart race more than the drink had and you felt goosebumps rising upon your skin.

No one spared you a glance as he helped you to the elevator to the floor you both shared.

"Where's your keycard?" he asked, chuckling as you leaned against the wall with a grin on your face.

"'N my bag..." you replied, letting him zip it open.

It took him a second to find it, accidentally grabbing your wallet first before finally pulling the card out from where it was buried on the bottom. His hand rested on the small of your back as you leaned into him, hugging his arm to you. The door clicked as it unlocked and he used his free hand to push it open.

Immediately, you kicked your heels off and signed in relief. You heard the door click shut behind you and turned to see him leaning against it with his arms crossed over his broad chest.

Once again, that feeling of confidence washed over you and you sauntered up to him. You felt him stiffen when you pressed yourself against him. His hands hovered in the air for a second before settling on your waist to pull you closer. Moving up on your tiptoes, you pressed your lips to his and he let out a stuttering sigh. His grip on you tightened just a bit as he kissed back, your lips moving flawlessly together.

Before you could lose your confidence, you reached up to undo a couple buttons of his shirt. He hummed against your lips, deepening the kiss before you broke away with a smile.

Biting your lip, you pulled his shirt up to untuck it from his pants, "You really are...so good looking."

"You're not so bad yourself, sweetheart," he muttered, his voice surprisingly deep. When you began to pull at the buckle of his belt, he suddenly grabbed your wrists.

"Wh-What's wrong?" you asked with a pout, biting your lip when you noticed how long and pretty his fingers were.

"I...would love to fuck you right now, seriously, I'm painfully hard right now," he whispered, making you giggle, "But you're not clear right now...and I don't want to take advantage, alright?"

"But..." he stopped you with a swift kiss to your lips.

"Get ready for bed, alright? I'll keep an eye on you for the night," he said, watching you pout as you collected your pajamas from the bed where you had left them earlier that day.

"Why?" you asked, making your way towards the bathroom.

"Because I've never heard of a human getting so messed up by Red before," his voice was muffled when you shut the door to the bathroom.

After taking off your makeup and getting changed, you wandered out of the bathroom to find Jin wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants while laying on your bed. His face was buried in a pillow but he looked up when you came out.

"Where'd you get those?" you mumbled, motioning to his attire.

"Went to my room," he replied with a brow raised, "I'm down the hall, remember?"

"Oh...right," he chuckled at the spacey look on your face before you climbed onto the bed.

It was strangely comfortable, though it was probably the drink, to sleep beside him. His hand rested on your waist as he kept his eyes on you until your breathing evened out and you fell asleep.

You were woken up by the soft sound of cursing and when you opened your eyes you saw Seokjin messing with a cart of food. He was crouched down, trying to pull the tablecloth from where it was stuck under the wheel.

"What're you doing?" you asked, voice rough from sleep.

"Huh? Oh! You're awake!" he smiled, stood up, "I got some room service, I was hungry and I figured you would be too."

"I actually am," you smiled, pushing the blankets off to climb out of bed.

"Help me with this," he mumbled, motioning to the cart, "It's stuck."

"I'll pull the cart while you get the cloth free," you said, waiting for him to kneel down and nod before executing the plan.

He gave a small 'ah-ha' of victory when it pulled free before standing up.

"Cute pajamas by the way," he said, pushing the cart over to the little table across the room.

"I..." you looked down at your matching pink pajama set and blushed, "Don't tease me."

"I'm not!" he laughed, setting the plates down on the table before motioning for you to sit.

"By the way..." you picked at your plate with a fork, "I'm sorry for last night."

"What do you mean?" he asked, taking a bite of food.

"For, you know...kissing you like that," you mumbled.

He chuckled, "I didn't mind one bit."

The tone of his voice had your cheeks heating up. Meeting his gaze, you found the almost cocky smirk on his lips and the dark glaze in his eyes. Squeezing your thighs together under the table, you remembered how it felt for him to hold you against him, how strong his grip was and how soft his lips were.

"Well...st-still..." you cleared your throat and took a bite from your fork.

"So I was thinking," he held the smirk on his lips, giving you a knowing look as he changed the subject, "We could go down to the beach since I sort of stopped you last night."

"Oh...you want to?" you asked. He nodded and you smiled, "Great! We'll get ready after this."

When you both finished eating, you excitedly got changed into your swimsuit while he went to his room to do the same. Slipping on some shorts, you opened the door to find Seokjin making his way down the hall.

He was shirtless, simply opting to wear his swim trunks with a towel thrown over his shoulder.

"Let's go then!" he smiled, taking your hand to tug you in the direction of the elevator.

It was cute, how excited he seemed, "What's got you so excited? You live here."

"Well, I've never been to the beach with a human before," he said, stepping out of the elevator, tugging you with him.

You squinted against the sudden burst of sunlight, the strange sensation of the cool sand on your feet. You noticed he was going in a different direction than the shore and asked him, "Where are we going?"

"There's a cool little cove around here," he said, "It's pretty quiet, not many people hang around it."

"Oh cool," you whispered, having to fasten your steps to keep up with his larger strides.

Finally, it came into view, large boulders and rocks with water harshly sloshing against them. He climbed up first, getting a steady stance on the rock before pulling you up. You laughed when he slipped a bit against the slickness and let out a small shriek of surprise.

You took a seat, dipping your feet in the water with a sigh. He followed your lead, leaning back on his hands with his head tilted back. Looking down, you gasped at all the colorful fish you could see swimming beneath the surface.

"Whoa, they're so bright!" you muttered, gaining Seokjin's attention.

"You don't have fish on Earth?" he asked with a raised brow.

"Of course we go but these are like neon!" you said, watching the way they circled on another, "I always imagine alien planets having terrifying wildlife."

"Ah, no there aren't too many dangerous creatures here," he said, "But Argo on the other hand, place is practically deadly."

"Ah, I've heard of Argo," you muttered in wonder before fixing him with a curious gaze, "Your galaxy is pretty new so I've only heard some stuff...rumors and the like, you know.”

"What do you do for a living on Earth?" he asked.

"I actually work for the Interplanetary Relations Commission," you said.

"But you don't know much about the planets?" he cocked his head to the side.

"No, unfortunately my job is more financial instead of scientific. I don't deal with the other planets or anything like that," you explained, "I just basically make sure the IRC doesn't like...you know...go bankrupt."

"I see," he chuckled, "Well, I think it's pretty cute how excited you got over fish."

"I...c'mon," you muttered, embarrassed by the compliment, "Do you know if it's possible to do like a sea dive or something?"

"Yeah, I think so," he said, "I can help you set something up tomorrow if you'd like?"

"Really? You'll do it with me?" you grinned and he nodded, "I'm so excited!"

You felt his eyes on you and turned to look at him, finding him smiling at you. He reached forward when he realized he had your attention. His hand was warm as he cupped your cheek, leaning forward to brush his lips against yours.

He smirked when he felt your breath stutter a bit in anticipation. Before he fully kissed you, however, he backed off and slid off the rock into the water with a splash.

"Hey!" you pouted, "That's not very nice."

"Who said I'm a nice guy?" he laughed, splashing water at you, making you gasp in surprise. Before you could recover, you felt him wrap his arms around your waist and tug you in. You cried out as your head dipped under the water.

Resurfacing, you went to yell at Seokjin only to find him swimming away in laughter.

You spent the entire day with him at the beach until the moon was rising into the sky. Wrapping a towel around your shoulders, you began to walk with him back to the hotel. You could hear the laughter of people nearby as they ran around on the beach and couldn't help but smile.

"What's up?" he asked, finally reaching the elevator.

"Nothing, it's just..." you leaned back against the wall, meeting his soft gaze, "I was sent here on vacation and I sure as hell didn't expect to be spending it with you."

The door opened and you stepped out, Seokjin following behind you. Fishing your card out, you approached your door.

"Is that a bad thing?" he asked, making you pause to turn around.

You smiled and shook your head, "No, actually you've really made it a lot better."

"Yeah?" he stepped so close that you could smell the sea salt clinging to his skin as he looked at you through damp bangs, "I can make it...even better, you know?"

"Can you?" your voice lowered and he smirked, leaning close so his nose brushed yours.

"Oh yeah," his lips met yours and you immediately wrapped your arms around his neck.

Tangling your fingers in his hair, you sighed into the kiss as you felt him wrap a strong arm around your waist. His lips were soft and warm, with just a hint of chapstick he had applied lingering on them. 

You gasped when he suddenly lifted you up, taking a few quick strides before depositing you on the bed. You smiled as he crawled on top of you, resting his weight on his elbows on either side of your head so he could kiss you once more.

His hands carefully slid up your stomach, making goosebumps rise along you skin. You sighed, lashes fluttering when he cupped your breast in his hand. Pulling away, he met your gaze as he pushed the band up until both of your breasts came into view. 

Thumb circling your nipple, he licked his lips at the soft whimper you let out. You reached up and cupped his jaw, pulling him down for another kiss. 

Giving the bud a soft pinch, he chuckled when you gasped into his mouth. He broke the kiss to leave small pecks down your jaw and chest until he could envelop your nipple in his mouth.

The way your back arched in response had him groaning. Cupping your other breast, he rolled the bud between two fingers until he felt your hands wrapping in his hair. 

He chuckled and began to leave kisses down your stomach until he reached the band of your shorts. Casting a glance up at you, he found you staring down at him with your bottom lip caught between your teeth. 

Before he could do anything, you hooked your thumbs into the hem of your shorts and began to push them down. He helped, pulling them from your legs as you pulled your bikini top off so you were completely bare before him. 

“Fuck,” he whispered, sitting back on his heels to get a good view of your body. Gripping your knees, he carefully spread your legs apart until your wet folds were fully in view. He licked his lips and reached forward, running his fingertips over your slit to collect the wetness there before bringing them to his mouth. His eyes fluttered at your taste on his tongue and when he licked his fingers clean, he knew he needed to taste more.

“Jin—” you gasped when he dove down to find your pussy with his tongue. 

Sliding his tongue between your folds, he groaned at your sweet taste. He laid on his stomach, wrapping his arms around your thighs to hold your open for him. Finding your clit, he took the bud into his mouth and relished in the moan you let out. Gripping at his hair, you ground your hips down to meet his sinful tongue. 

You grew wetter by the second, he could feel the way you were dripping. His ego swelled, knowing he was able to turn you into such a mess. He pulled back for a breath, licking his lips and looking up at your disheveled state. 

Your hair was wild and splayed over the pillows. Your lips were red and swollen from how you were biting them in your pleasure. His eyes followed the movement of your hands as you cupped your own breasts to pinch and tug at your nipples. 

“Please,” you whispered, arching you'd hips upwards. 

He smirked, knowing exactly what you were begging for. Not wanting to leave you yearning, he spread tour folds with his thumbs until he could see your entrance clenching in anticipation. Meeting your clit once more, he flattened his tongue as he gave it a slow, long lick. 

You cursed, tossing your head back into the pillow. It had been a while since you got laid, work having taken over your life. With Seokjin’s talented tongue working your cunt like it was his job, however, you realized just how much you'd missed it. 

Your walls were beginning to spasm and tighten. Clutching his hair tighter, your body became tense with the oncoming orgasm. He groaned, taking your clit into his mouth once again. 

Within seconds, you came. Your thighs trembled in his hold and he could feel your bud pulse in time with your high. The moans and whimpers of his name you let loose made him acutely aware of just how hard he had become. 

You finally began to push him away as the stimulation inched into overstimulation. He pulled away, sitting up as his chest moved with his heavy breathing. Licking his lips, he collected whatever juices he had missed on his thumb to lick clean as well. 

“You're...really good…” you mumbled, still catching your breath from the incredible orgasm he had given you. 

He chuckled, “Thanks, I try my best.”

His response had you laughing and you sat up, wrapping your arm around his neck to pull him in for another kiss. Kissing him was phenomenal, he knew just how to move his lips and when to use his tongue. You could taste your own juices and you eagerly caught every lingering taste. 

As you reached for his swim trunks, ready to push them down, he stopped you. You stopped and looked up at him curiously.

“Hang on…” he cleared his throat and took your wrist in his hand, pulling our fingers from the hem of them.

“What is it?” you asked, worried you had done something wrong.

“It's just…” he sighed, “My...anatomy is different from a human man’s.”

“How do you know what a human man looks like?” you asked with a brow raised. 

He chuckled, “I've heard stories and seen things from visitors.” 

“I see...well…” you used your free hand to run down the smooth plane of his chest, “Different how?”

His smile faded a bit as he reached down to tug the hem of his swim trunks down. Your mouth fell open a bit as his member came into view. 

It was an angry red, clearly throbbing with his arousal. There was one main appendage with four smaller ones surrounding it. He wrapped his fist around himself and sighed in relief. 

You reached out and let your fingers graze one of the smaller ones. He hissed and you gasped when it twitched, almost wiggling, away from your touch. 

“Whoa…” you mumbled, knocking his hand away to grip the main one like he had. 

It was warm, pulsing with his heartbeat. It was slick, allowing you to easily stroke him until his head fell back in a moan. 

“P-Pretty different, huh?” he choked out, ears turning red the longer you stared at him. 

“Very…” you whispered, “Almost like...tentacles…”

“I-I guess,” he grunted, eyes fluttering as you felt his cock leak even more, “Shit, d-do you still want to…?”

He trailed off and you paused, staring at your hand wrapped around him. Although it was something you never dreamt of seeing or touching, you felt yourself clench at the thought of having him inside you.

“Yeah…” you whispered, smiling when you saw him sign in relief. 

“Good because if you said no, I would be going back to my room with the worst case of blue balls in my life,” he said and you giggled as you laid back, admiring his pretty smile as he grinned at your laughter.

Releasing your grip on his cock, you glanced at your hand. His precum lingered on your skin and you curiously brought one finger to your lips. You felt his eyes burning into you as you took your digit into your mouth.

Your eyes widened at the taste. It was sweet — indescribably so, almost like sugar. He wore a small smile, as if he understood your thinking. He didn't say anything, however, simply shifted on his knees and spread your legs apart once again. 

You were still dripping and he could see your hole clenching pathetically around nothing — begging to be filled. He was more than willing to do just that. 

“Flip over,” he said, holding onto your hips as you clumsily rolled over, “Hands and knees,” you did as he asked, perching your ass high in the air, “Good girl…”

You kernel under the praise and he could see you clench, making him chuckle. Rising on his knees, your breathing stuttered as you felt the almost silky texture of his cock prodding your entrance. 

Despite the extra tentacles, his cock was pretty similar to a humans. The head of him was the thickest part as he began to push in. Burying your face in the pillow, you let out a groan when you felt your walls beginning to stretch open to fit him. 

He panted, running his hand soothingly along your spine. You were clenching so tight, cunt struggling to accommodate the fat head of his cock. Both of you groaned in unison when it finally popped on, the rest of his length easily sliding in until you were completely filled.

He sat still, feeling you spasm and drip around his cock until you let out a whine, “Please move, Jin.”

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Alright, sweetheart.”

Your breathing stuttered as he pulled out, the shape of his cock allowing him to drag over your sweet spot in a way no human could. Your eyes rolled back and your thighs trembled at the feeling, making Jin’s cock throb against your walls. 

“Oh god…” you whimpered, biting down on the pillow when he sunk back into you. 

He chuckled above you, holding onto your hips for leverage so he could hammer into you. He let out another curse, head falling back when he felt the tip of his cock hit your cervix, making you clamp even harder around him. 

“You feel so good,” he growled, “So tight.”

“Y-You’re gonna m-make me cu...cum,” you sobbed, clutching the pillow until the material groaned in protest, “Already…”

He scoffed, “‘Cause my cock is better than anyone's, huh?” you didn't respond, too lost in the painful heat that came whenever he bottomed out in you, “Tell me,” he snapped.

“Y-Yes, so...so fuckin—” your praise was cut off when you felt something touch your clit. 

Glancing between your legs, you felt tears sting your eyes from the overwhelming pleasure as the tentacle on the underside of his cock met your clit. It moved as if it had a mind of its own, your own juices mixed with his allowed for it to swirl effortlessly around the bud. 

Your high was coming faster than you could have ever expected. You knew it was going to be strong and part of you thought it could almost make you black out. Watching the tentacle move, you let out a low whine when the tip of it slipped beneath the hood of your clit to find the bare, vulnerable bud directly. 

It was the final blow and before you could voice it out, you were cumming. Seokjin groaned as you trembled and moaned beneath him, a gush of juices almost forcing his cock from your cunt. 

The bedding grew wet but he didn't stop fucking into you, even as you sobbed into the pillow. 

“Such a messy girl,” he growled, cupping your ass cheeks to spread them apart, “Never would have guessed you'd be such a slut.”

The name made you groan and twitch around him, making him chuckle. The way he was reducing you to nothing but a spasming, drooling mess was incredible. Never before had anyone reacted so strongly to him — maybe he should fuck humans more often, he mused.

You were lost in space, your mind unable to think of the world beyond the fat cock stuffing you full. You were sure nothing would feel better than this but the feeling of another one of his tentacles had you second guessing. 

“Can I fuck you here too?” Jin asked, voice low and rough as the tentacle prodded at your ass. 

“I-I…” you whimpered and nodded.

“Use your words,” he snapped, slapping your ass harshly, leaving a burning sting in the impacts wake.

“Yes please!” you choked out, the words almost impossible to get out.

“Good girl,” he praised, making you whimper.

Holding your breath, you gasped as you felt the tentacle carefully begin to slide into the right hole. The lubrication on it allowed for an extremely easy entrance — it wasn't too big so there was minimal burning from the stretch. It was still there but it quickly dissipated, making you sigh.

The tentacle moved in time to his pounding hips, reaching deeper inside with every inward thrust. The sound of skin slapping together filled the space mixed with your moans and his groans. 

Already sensitive from two prior orgasms, the added tentacle along with the one still playing with your clit, leaving you a drooling mess. 

Seokjin was nearing his own end, grip on your hips tightening as his thrusts started to become sloppy, “Cum for me...c’mon…” he whispered, encouraging you over that edge.

As soon as you hit your high, the first spasm of your calls around him sent him over as well. His chest met your back as he groaned, his cum filling you. 

There was so much, more than you could have expected. It overflowed, being forced out of your clenching cunt as he continued to rut into you to ride the high. Dripping down your thighs, it added to the mess you had made earlier. 

You could even feel the tentacle stretching ass open throb in time to every pulse of cum. Slowly, you slumped down as your orgasm faded. 

He pulled his cock from your cunt, groaning as he watched the rest of his cum spill from your stretched hole. The tentacles pulled free as well and you collapsed on your side with a sigh. 

Your thighs were sore from being in the same position for so long but otherwise you felt euphoric. Seokjin followed your lead and laid beside you, chest heaving as he caught his breath. 

“Well…” you sighed, making him look at you. His cheeks were flushed and his bangs stuck to his forehead from sweat, “You certainly did make it better…”

He laughed, “Oh yeah? How has it been so far as a vacation?”

“A few more days of this and I'm pretty sure I’ll be stress free for the rest of my life,” rolling over, you met his lips for another kiss as laughed softly. 

You let yourself relax against him, relishing in the soft caresses and pecks he left along your skin. Part of your heart aches as you remembered that after your vacation, you wouldn't be able to see him again. 

Disregarding the feeling, you turned your attention back to the beautiful man in front of you who was more than willing to make sure this vacation would be one that you remember for the rest of your life. 

[dieicide]

Check in Tag!

thanks @bobapplesimblr for tagging me! these are genuinely fun as hell

Why did you choose your URL?

i remember reading deicide (def. god killer) somewhere in a book or light novel and immediately going “wow that’s so fucking cool”. so, following the nonbinary rule, i named myself after a pretty word. /lh

How long have you been on Tumblr?

i have the knowledge of a newbie on tumblr, but ig techniacally i’ve been here for a collective year if you count my previous simblr from a couple years ago. however, i’ve basically been here for like.. two? three? weeks?

Do you have a queue tag?

ngl to u girl i have no idea what that is

Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i just missed simblr and i wanted to post my oc’s/renders/edits etc ! as well as, people in this community are so fucking talented? even w/ the shitty things certain people are doing i don’t think this will deter me from the community , i dont wna let a couple rotten apples to ruin my experience. >:]

Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i binge read manga on the daily and this manga? yall. shiori experience is SO good. if you like stories about a bunch of outcasts getting together and making music to become famous? read it. anyway, my pfp is part of one of my favorite panels of the manga, as well as one of my favorite bands of the manga. i also just love visually aggressive facial expressions.

Why did you choose your header?

i unfortunately do not have one, i should get one tho......

what's your post with the most notes?

it’s my want it take it post! i actually rlly didn’t like that one compared to my other lookbooks but im still glad other ppl seem to like it!

How many mutuals do you have?

honestly, no idea? how do you find that out? i just counted and lost count but it’s def more than 35 fuiwegfwuy

How many followers do you have?

i currently have 137 followers! which is fucking crazy!!! tysm??? i know it’s not much by my expectations are so low when it comes to social media

How many people do you follow?

exactly 300, my goal is 420 then 696. i usually follow back simblrs and then i follow cool ass simblrs bc i want my dashboard to look hella cool

Have you ever made a shitpost?

i def do shitpost, i can’t keep my thoughts to myself and so unfortunately my followers get to witness it..

How often do you use tumblr every day?

i mean i have almost 12 hours using tumblr in my phone.. if that helps.

Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

thankfully not and i hope i dont. even if i do, i’d lose bc im terrified of confrontations.

How do you feel about 'you need to reblog this' posts?

i mean, if it was ironically then yeah its hella funny but other than that not rlly a fan.

Do you like tag games?

100%! it’s fun to answer questions and it’s also a way to get ppl who follow u to learn more about you and/or your content.

Do you like ask memes?

i have no idea what those are pls uiefhwg

Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

honestly i have no idea? i mean i dont pay attention to stuff like that and im far too lazy to search through- NO WAIT i think it’s marigolde?

Do you have a crush on a mutual?

if crush means thinking their posts are cool as fuck and think they themselves are cool as fuck? then girl im crushing so many of my mutuals.

i feel bad tagging ppl but imma do it anyway! you don’t have to do this but i’ll tag @void-imp and @sikoi

[kreidewaltz]

YEAR END LOVE.

happy holidays and advance happy new year everyone!! this was supposed to be for christmas but.. yeah hope u had a great time w your loved ones <33 this is for my friends who helped me get thru shitty times, who made me laugh so hard, and made me feel appreciated :) to my mutuals, thank u for taking ur time to talk to me!! any interactions from u guys makes me so so happy <3 im proud of you for getting through this year!! this is gonna b a long one .. hehe <3 sorry if i didn't mention u!! i still love u :( this is in no particular order dw dw ily all d same

to my followers, mutuals, and people who likes my stuff in general ツ

AAAAAAA guys ily you rock !! thank u for supporting me and just being there for me (esp for the ones who listened and stayed w my shit !!) ty for liking, reblogging about my stuff, or just interacting w me!! pls pls talk to me let's have some good convo hehe i hope no one will send me or any blog hate bc that isn't cool >:( happiness and love only are allowed people!!!

@sunakissses ツ

my bestie, my bae, babe <3 you rock val if im honest :( even tho we haven't been friends for a long time, we just clicked !! and yeah talking to u is just makes me at ease n u have that comfy vibes :)) and our interactions r so funny and wholesome <33 i just love when im talking to ya you know :(( and idk i love ur supportive aura whenever i do something hehe :( lets keep going next year and be more closer >:) and yes u and suna r going to be the cat's first ever aunt and uncle <3

@romaune ツ

okay .. the literal meaning of sunshine, yes you gracie baby :( you're so wholesome i wanna cry thats me 2 u !! i love your aura and just everything, i get so excited when u reply to my asks fr, because ure so enthusiastic n i like that a lot !!! :( ik we don't talk a lot yet but from our interactions (or just us screamin abt our mans winks) i know i gained a friend, a good n funny friend for that:) and ure so like hinata i wanna squish and hug and talk to!! i love how we scream abt our ongoing suna brainrots HAHA can't forget that <33

@cryoqi ツ

people put ur hands up 4 the coolest person ive met !!!! >:( istg you're so kind and so funny even if thats not ur intention T_T at first i was intimidated by u but then yeah <33 we vibe :( only the real ones know abt us and me bein your bread anon <33 ure rlly great and can't forget d time us and dove sang thru texts ...? yes that i cried while laughing HAHA, and yes i love the way u write 2!! so you and just amazing overall :)) n yeah i like to talk to u a lot in the server !!! ure so funny & relatable at times hihi

@miyasangel ツ

arden bae !!! you're so ... cool and pretty and one of the people i want 2 talk to in here <3 you're like cool and the way you write is chefs kiss >:( and i love it whenever we talk abt random things AHSHS and when we talk abt atsumu <33 i love love that !! n yeah good thing i interacted w u b4 on ur old blog and get to talk to you more !!! i was so shy n nervous while sending you asks sometimes LMAO idk why :(( ure rlly a great friend <3 n i think u also became a factor on why im liking inarizaki :D

@cafemiya ツ

omg hail to issy !! i know we don't talk that much yet but i literally like u a lot >:( you're rlly great w your long fics !! n handmade heaven lead me to you and ur asks <3 and you're so chaotic too HAHA i like that :) dw ill always shower u w compliments bc u so deserve it bby !!! and i squeal sometimes when u reply to my asks w the same energy :(( n yes i just love you and your vibe in general <3 and im so excited 4 the collab !!! <3 thanks for reaching me out hehe or my slowburn fic journey wont happen :( anw ily and keep slayin issy baby!!!! :D

@kuro0luvr ツ

omg kieran .. the big phat supporter of chlojime is here people !!! <3 i just love loooove talking to you esp in the server & we scream abt anything n everything :( and thank u for always giving me support and everyone else when we're down!! you're one of my sunshines 2 :( i love how we just talk and instantly b close friends you know!! even tho we dont chat like in dms we r so close hehe :( and yes ill never forget how happy u got when i complimented that u have akaashi vibes <3 ty for being a good friend n supporter to me :(((

@oikawasbliss ツ

milo everyday !!! >:) i missed our interactions tbh :( you're just so chill n i vibe w u a lot!! your themes omg i want em its so aesthetic and everything <3 and uhm i love ur love for oikawa >< i mean who wouldn't but whenever i see smth kawa related i think of u immediately T_T and yes ure just so so cool :(( lets talk more soon gah and maybe talk abt aot hehe smirks <3 and yes i just like ur themes and vibe a lot <3 lets talk more soon gah >:)

@himichii ツ

I KNOW we didn't talk really like until few weeks ago but ... you're so funny and kind n lowkey sweet HAHA u were so intimidating before i can't talk 2 u <//3 but im glad i did !! not me writin this and listening to the playlist u made for me :( omg thank u for that and the other that u posted, i felt nostalgic and (good) sad on d inside <3 HAHS lets talk more omfg idk what 2 say :( OH oh ure a greatt writer :( the angst u sent yesterday made me sad gah <3 let's talk more in the new years!!! :(

@hajimine ツ

oml lexy bae where do i start??? omg ily like <3 because you're so nice n sweet n so funny 2!! glad i started participating in your ask games and on that we became friends hehe :( i love how we just talk abt anything on your asks <33 like ur life keeps me entertained HAHA and when u became more chaotic n all that .. i liked it!!! :( and oh u write so well if u didnt know >:( can't wait 4 more interactions w you bae !! <3 and ugh omg ily <3 literally cannot express how much :( you have good vibes n i wanna have that too !! and love how we just scream over one man ;D

@lcaita ツ

omg kai ... hi <3 HAHS sorry if im so awkward wtf but ure so cool and so funny !!! i like ur vibes always even tho ure not always around <3 and when youre around i just get happy !!! >< for some reason i love ur name hehe and uhm i love ur aesthetics hehe on ur acc !!! >:) and yes thank u for being a kind friend hehe :( lets talk more next yr abt anything!!! maybe abt ur mans (kaashi, semi, others) hehe ;)

@kemochie ツ

nea !!! i just . wanna say that you're a sweet human being :( and deserve the world :( ik we didnt interact much yet but !!! i love u already n your aura in general <3 and i just get soft on ur username for some reason T_T i love our little interactions from time 2 time n i wanna boost that more on the new years!! <3 idk i like u :( that's it thats my say :(

@nightmareupondaydream ツ

kana baby !!! im so grateful for u whenever u send me sweet words at random times ... and when i need it <3 and i missed our chats in dms :( lets do it again sometime !! im gonna be here for u okay :( and you're so sweet fr i love u,, and yeah just talkin about how shitty life is or how my writing goes, let's do that on the new years oki!! <3333

@ravscrii ツ

thank u for being there like really >< ik u have own probs to solve but you still helped me :( ty for being a great listener and supporter hehe <3 u deserve great things !!! and pls dw okay we're good even tho we arent talking that much :( i miss that hehe n ure a kind and funny person ASHS esp in the server ur replies n everything make me laugh :( lets talk more soon like the old times AAAAAA i miss it hehe <3 and goodluck on genshin HAHA pls entertain me w it even tho i don't play </3

@rintaroll ツ

olivia babe <3 omg i missed u sorry 4 not checking on u :( forgive me <//3 just wnna say u totally made my 2020 better n a little more bearable <3 i like ur vibes sm and ur name .. olivia wow i like it :( and oh you're so aesthetic like ur blog in general ??? hello pls step on me :( and u also influenced me (for some reason) to like tsumu more ?! which i dont mind at all .. i like it when we scream over tsumu or i tease u n him getting horknee :D yeah and god i can't forget the time we fangirled over gojo on ur asks ... and u sent me gojo gifs which made me scream <3 one of my unforgettable moments w ya!!

to my hajime anon + mod ツ

thank u for always being here :( and you just chatting w me makes me so happy <3 i hope you'll see this hehe and just thank u and ily yknow :( when im down or happy, or shitty you're just there, supporting me always <3 im so grateful for that!! and hajime anon mod ily :( thank u for taking ur time to chat w me and make me so happy hehe <3 take ur time okay :)

to my baby, stella ツ

AAAAAAA idk if you'll see this but shoot me an ask if u saw :( uhm i love ur vibes and you're so cool !! promise <3 and your theme changes r always so beautiful <3 pls pls i love you so much agh im so worried when u deactivated :( pls dont overwork okay whenever ure working :( i love talkin to u always in ur asks !!! ure so sweet and lovely grr >:( u deserve all d good things okay ily stel :((

[moo-moo-meadows]

top five of your favourite things you've written

oooooh this is actually such a cool ask!! so apologies that it spent a while. i chose to do top five favorite things i’ve written for this fandom. merely for simplicities/correlations sake, but this was actually,, i liked this a lot :0

put “top 5″ anything in my ask and i will answer

1.  your tommy

a very short drabble, almost blurb really i wrote around the exile arc. specifically it was right before the beach party. i was rlly proud of this piece i’m ngl it was so fun to write. somehow tubbo is both rlly hard to write but also the most satisfying (such with this other tubbo blurb i wrote as well). smth about like.. idk. the desperation? the scene in my head being written out almost exactly the way i wanted it? (ofc its never always completely accurate, but i did pretty good and i’m proud damnit)

2. georgebur royalty au first meeting

though not the first piece of writing i did for this little au, and certainly (hopefully) not the last it’s the one i’m happiest with bc even though it’s a little outdated and not really accurate to the vision i have for the au nowadays, it was the first time i got to basically write something which i’ve always been really passionate about which is like royalty shit. and it had a rough start but overall i was really happy to get the opportunity to flex my stupid little niche yk?

3. unspoken (the way you say my name)

one of the first fics i wrote for this fandom, back in november, for dreamy’s birthday actually! (i had another one, which was v pogtopia arc that i can’t publish anymore, with it being incredibly outdated) which is why i think it means so much to me. certainly not one of my best works (though.. i mean? it’s not bad. and it’s one of the two properly published fics of mine so i definitely don’t hate it) but the sentimental value of it is still pretty strong. back when name truthing was only beginning to become a thing and i was a little sap, as i am still now.

4. feelings realization pt. 1

the first part of the,, somewhat,, trilogy? of connected skephalo drabbles on my prev blog which were mainly just me completely self projecting onto the best friends to lovers themselves. idk. it holds a special place in my heart. not particularly good writing,, once again, but i like it bc i think the characterization is funky (not bc i projected, aha,, not at all) idk. i like all my skephalo stuff bc it’s usually projection or fluff and i think that’s rlly sexy of me. i have SO many btw? like wth?? anyway, here’s pt 2 and pt 3 as well for your reading pleasures. disclaimer: they’re NOT good. ik they’re not. don’t argue with me whether they’re not i know my writing can be better. but i do like them. and i’m not ashamed of them. (the characterization for ant, finn and spifl in these two were also p funky even tho i don’t watch them frequently, which i think was nice :D)

5. against the world

the other of the two published works i have!! once again. more of a sentimental value for this one bc i wrote it now for sad’s birthday, which was not too long ago. the writing isn’t that good, especially towards the end bc i was kinda rushing and this fic had been sitting in my drafts for like quite a while at that point bc i had no clue where i was going (which i don’t with most things i write imma be honest) but like some bits kinda popped off. and.. yeah! i like it.

special shoutout’s go to my 5undy blurb (cool funky characterization, p okay writing) and my pnf drabble (dedicated to a beloved moot, as well as characterization that i didn’t mind, was p fun) y’all were almost in the rankings but alas.

[r-truth]

❤️

so i started following you not too long ago, so i don’t know much about you.

BUT i’ll tell you something! i’ve been lurking your blog for a while now, like for very long, i just get rlly anxious to follow people (YEAHHHH) who are Too Cool lmao. i really like kevin owens and sami zayn, and their Very complicated relationship and you had all of it! i really liked the way you talked about sami and zowens, it was really compelling and even if i didn’t follow you, i’d still read your posts!

now i’m glad we’re mutuals askdjaskdj hope to interact with you more in the future!!!!

[feroluce]

Oh my gosh!! Dw omg,,I honestly almost forgot I sent it? I def didn’t mean to ramble SM u are so sweet for responding at all honestly omg,, YEAH,,it is rlly sad tht even ppl who are genuinely triggered/squicked get it shoved in their faces all the time w all the reminders ,, like ):

ouch I can only imagine how they must feel,, if ppl wanna keep their stuff incest free they should also probably not mention it so much tht it’s inaccessible to ppl who feel that way too , n YEWH,,

the Pokémon fandom in general is like. It sure is a lot that’s all I can rlly say abt it AWKJWKW,, pkmn has been such a comforting constant in my life but I’m only now starting to engage w things and make art for it publicly? It rlly feels like such a shame not even jst for me,, but like bc there’s surely gotta be others who have experiences like this?? N feel like it’s hopeless to be open abt anything they like bc of fear for the consequences?

Gosh YEHA it feels kinda wild ive been around n shipped them for so long,,even when I haven’t been able to actively engage in anything its alwyas been kind of a bg comfort for me,,if that makes sense? It almost makes me feel old but frankly I’ve just been on the internet too long WKEJSKKS

Big apologies bc I talk. So much. But I’m super glad pla got u into it!!! I welcome u w open arms!! N I hope u get as much enjoyment outta them as I have 4 so long!! U seem like ! Super swell ! Tysm again 4 answering my rambles n making ur blog kinda like this safe space to share n stuff?? It’s super cool!!

Oh god if you're just starting out with public stuff especially, GOOD LUCK ANON.

I know for a fact that there are other people who feel like that, because I have friends who are VERY not open/public about their more problematic tastes. Shit dude, I wasn't always yelling on main either, my first fics were under Anonymous on Ao3 (even the safe ones! I was just shy) and I had a whole secret side account on Twitter for the less wholesome stuff.

I know what you mean by a fandom being A Lot, too, trust me, I only joined fandom spaces a few years ago and it was like right on time to see the chaotic descent from a (slightly) more chill place into what it is now.

Whichever way you decide to go, public or not, I hope it's a good experience for you! I have fun with the art!! ♡

[transpeterman]

can u please do the avengers finding out abt parker getting bullied&&a i just found ur blog and i really like the concept of peter being trans ur blog is amazing

(also requested by an anon and @spectacularspiderling )

yall its rlly long i got super carried away

-peter spends the most time around the avengers during summer vacation, meaning the time frame in which peter is exposed to his bullies doesn’t tend to coincide with his time around the avengers-flash is his main bully but there are some other kids who give him trouble- flash doesn’t get physical since he isn’t really the sporty type but some other kids do-peter can’t fight because he wasn’t able to before the spider bite so he shouldn’t be able to now-and he can stop a moving car with his bare hands; a punch could probably kill someone-and peter DEFINITELY is not willing to find out-so he gets roughed up sometimes-they tend to avoid his face because they don’t want any adults to look into it-but the day before winter break starts they know peter will have a few weeks to heal up so they don’t really hold back-if he wasn’t enhanced he’d probably have a few broken bones-his day was made infinitely worse when he remembered that Happy would be picking him up to take him upstate for suit upgrades-happy was probably already there and had been waiting since the guys had ambushed him as the dismissal bell-he didn’t have enough time to do anything about his face since Happy was most likely furious with him already-he gathered up his backpack (which the assholes had torn- he’d have to ask may for another one)-happy was waiting outside the car and was clearly talking to someone-peter guessed it was tony judging by the frustration in happy’s voice-when happy saw him he was clearly about to chew him out for being late and then he actually took in peter’s dirty clothes and disheveled hair and wrecked face-peter just says “rough patrol last night” and gets in the car as fast as possible-happy really isn’t one for conversation so he doesn’t push but peter’s face is busted up and he’s worried about the kid-peter puts in headphones and his hands are shaking from the anxiety of being faced with multiple bullies at once-peter is tempted to text ned and mj but he’s supposed to be spider-man-spider-man shouldn’t have bullies -he’s been out late on patrol a lot lately so he’s pretty sleep deprived which he knows is affecting his healing factor-he ends up falling asleep on the way upstate-partially to hopefully lessen the visible damage before getting to the compound-it doesn’t really work, judging by happy’s wince when he open’s peter’s door and the passing glimpses he gets of his reflection in the windows of the compound-his eye isn’t swollen completely shut now though and lip stopped bleeding a while ago so he’ll take what he can get-is ribs are still heavily bruised so it hurts to move but he’s had worse-he also might be mildly concussed but he’s not gonna look too hard into it-peter goes to the room tony gave him to change into a spare set of clothes and wash his face-he’s still clearly injured but it doesn’t look quite as fresh and there’s no blood on his face now-FRIDAY tells peter that tony is currently in the kitchen and that bruce and clint are there too and peter knows he’s fucked right then and there-he was hoping to go directly to the lab and have as little face time with the avengers as possible-peter goes down to the kitchen anyway and just decides to act normal-as if clint isn’t as well trained as natasha or iron dad will let his black eye slide-peter takes one whole step into the kitchen before “the hell happened to you??”-peter sticks to the “rough patrol” story -and bruce points out that he should be healed up from any patrol related injuries by now-and clint’s like “so you skipped school to do crime fighting?? sick dude” because he’s a literal child-and before peter can even object Iron Dad is on his case about keeping his grades up-tony rants for like 5 minutes before peter can get a word in and say that he did, in fact, go to school-so then they’re all confused and peter has no backup plan-”its just some kids at school, okay?”-peter swears the room dropped like 10 degrees as soon as he said it-tony has FRIDAY call the rest of the avengers into the living area and they all join them-”what happened to spider-kid?”-its like 15 minutes of peter vehemently declaring that nothing is wrong-clint calls him out and he’s actually completely serious for once and its unnerving-peter says its kids from school and that its really not a big deal and he ends up explaining that he can’t hit back or defend himself-natasha points out that just because he can’t hurl a kid into a wall doesn’t mean he shouldn’t stick up for himself-”yeah but it’s better if it’s me”-tony almost has to take a walk at that-but it just makes sense because if peter isn’t bullied then that means other kids are and peter can handle it he’s fine-instead of pointing out how messed up that is, bucky asks if its just physical fighting and stuff-”nah its a nerd school and the jocks are usually too busy to hit penis parker”-”to hit who???”-”whaaaaaat,,,,,”-peter is literally the worst at playing it cool-bruce has to leave now his eyes are already pretty green and it doesn’t need to escalate any further-at this point they’re all pretty enraged because peter is a good kid and they’ve all grown super attached

-tony’s this close to fighting someone or destroying something-”they’re not deadnaming you right??” tony’s almost panicking at this point and he doesn’t even know why-”uh not really anymore? it’s fine like i said its usually just penis parker and thats already pretty old”-”alright so if you just give us the names we can get the addresses an-”-”tony you’re not harassing 16 year olds” peter should not be scolding a grown man-”16 year olds are harassing you”-”sam don’t encourage him” make that two grown men-”steve back me up here”-bucky smirked as steve just crossed his arms and said “i don’t like bullies”-so the most responsible member of the team isn’t even backing peter up-wonderful-they talk for a little while longer and peter gives up trying to get them to chill-tony ends up sending him up to medical where bruce is to make sure he’s not too injured-bruce sends him to bed after making sure none of his ribs are broken-he can’t sleep and tosses and turns for a few hours but figures nothing too bad will happen-in fact he gets through winter break without it being brought up and almost forgot about it by the time school starts up-that is until clint turns out to be a janitor who just so happens to swing by when flash is starting shit outside the cafeteria-clint is apparently able to get flash suspended?? somehow?? peter’s pretty sure blackmail is involved-and then natasha is filling in for a PE teacher-and ends up cornering a few of the jocks responsible for peter’s injuries a few weeks previously-tony and happy come to pick him up again-honestly peter can’t help but feel like they’re really overselling it but he can’t complain-he’s pretty touched actually-these fuckin nerds will do anything for peter and peter would do the same for them and peter wouldn’t trade it for anything

[charlicpace]

🖊+ sofia

SEND ME “🖊 + AN OC” AND I WILL TALK ABOUT THAT OC !

hi hello, thank you so much for sending this ! lowkey i feel like i might know who sent this ( my usual suspects were asleep and @ work respectively when i got this and i’m a Detective ) and if i’m Correct hi hello how u doin love your blog xox

this is she! if anybody thought this was gonna be eloquent or even,, Coherent, i’m sad to say you’re mistaken, bc i get too excited and just !!!!! words !!!! characters !!!! but this is my lauren lopez fc, sofia, and here’s a fun thing about her choice of fc: when i told my friend i was thinking of using her for the plot in question, i also sent her like a link to a couple of gifsets ( probably like,,, something from the judas interview or something?? ) to be like !!! look, cute !!!! and she replied saying she was glad i sent her the link bc she searched lauren’s name on this hellsite and the first thing that came up was a gifset from avpm from that scene where draco’s like ‘and you have to be my slave for a whole day staring now!!!!’ and voldy doing the Iconic ‘yOU LITTLE SHIT’ so … we were off to a good start from the beginning sjsjsjjns. but anyway, sof’s one of my favourites !!! she was made for a lost mumu, and essentially her story is that she was in australia with her boyfriend to meet and pick up said boyfriend’s nephew after the death of said boyfriend’s sister, and they were heading home with this three year old toddler sofia’s never met before when oops plane crash yikes. but i also play her in a regular ol’ town verse where everyone is happy and mr toddler ( whose name is panda and he’s iconic ) gets to stay with his mum ‘cause yay she’s still alive, and sof and her boyfriend get to have a nice relationship with her and panda and it’s a good time.  

pre-island ( or just,, regular ol’ times in town verse!! ) she’s a dance teacher ( which feels SO lazy since lauren’s a dancer, and usually i’m not someone who does that kinda thing but i liked it for sofia and it’s mostly a coincidence shsbsbshs ) who fell into Teaching accidentally after a lot of missed opportunities and things falling through professionally, but lowkey loves it. and just loves her life in general???? she’s happy??? loves her tree of a boyfriend??? honestly the one (1) time i keep a fc’s height for a character, it’s the one time their romantic partner ends up being an entire foot and four whole inches taller than them. it’s,, hilarious. 

look at that shit!!!! it’s ridiculous and i love it!!!! but they’re also rlly cute :’))) we love a loving, committed couple who don’t wanna get married but wanna be together anyway and both have the same wants in life and just seem to Fit, including a plan not to have kids until the suddenly get a three year old whoops. tbf he was like ‘this isn’t what we planned and what you want so if you want to leave it’s all good’ but sof was having none of that,,, even though she said a similar thing to him a couple years earlier when she found out some stuff about herself but ANYWAY. even if she hadn’t decided to stay she’d still be like BITCH WHAT KIND OF PERSON LEAVES SOMEONE JUST AFTER THEIR SISTER DIES but……..i digress. but sof’s always just been a kinda,,,, Get On With It person??? like she can just,,,, get on with things and accept it and move with it and carry on with life?? wish i could relate lmao. so she just accepts it as part of her life and moves on, and no matter what was going on with her internally she just kind of accepted that this was their life now and they’re gonna raise his nephew. and that attitude continues after the crash too??? like after the initial shock is gone, she’s Useful because she can just……. get on with it as best as she can??? it was kinda mean of me to purposefully make her birthday like a week after the crash and yet,,, here i am. but can i just say!!!! i don’t trust my friend to be kind to these three characters on the island!!!!! ya hear that @dulcerps I DON’T TRUST YOU NOT TO HURT OZZY ON THIS ISLAND. I DO NOT!!!!! panda is Safe but i still don’t trust you!!!! i feel like you’re up to somethin!!!!! snake!!!!!!

but anyway she went from living a gr8 life and going from being that obnoxious gym couple with her boyfren to fighting off Others and wearing the same pair of shorts for like two weeks straight in the beginning. all while trying to make this kid not hate her. she’d never really been around kids before panda?? it’s not to say that she doesn’t Like them, she just hasn’t been around them?? her brother is younger than her but they’re still close enough in age that they Grew Up Together and when he was a kid she was a kid too???? and they’re the youngest in the family pretty much, and none of her friends had kids yet or anything???? and the kids she teaches @ work are like,, pre-teens to teens, and she just talks to them like they’re adults and that’s her Thing and it’s why they like her??? like it’s the whole ‘u don’t treat me like a kid, you’re cool’ thing??? so she’s tryin really hard with panda but,,,,, eh, she’ll get there. even though she’s only now realising how much she swears, and that she can’t say his real name in a serious sentence bc she thinks it’s so ridiculous. 

anyway !!!!!! sof as a person !!!!! my daughter !!!! this is too long and ramble-y so i’m just gonna !!!!! basics !!!!! takes no shit !!!!! she does Not have time for people being buffoons !!!! a Brave soul !!!!! can be v emotional just as much as the next person but she hardly ever cries !!!! can’t relate my dude !!!! loves coffee but can’t really do caffeine anymore and she Luvs wine ( red, preferably ) but shouldn’t drink it bc it makes her sleepy !!!! either reads/watches really dark, twisted books/shows and loves a Thriller and something Twisty, or she’s watching the most light-hearted sitcommy stuff that’s all Laughs, and there is No in between!!!!!! bi legend!!!! tgwdlm was perfect for giving me gif material for sof, but it’s funny because sofia………..literally hates musicals. i made her like two years ago???? and yep she hates musicals. and she hates theatre kids shjbskhsbshs. she went to a performing arts college so she was Surrounded by the dreaded Theatre Kids and yikes it’s a no!!!! which is a shame because she has a GREAT belty singing voice that’s perfect for musical theatre and it just GOES TO WASTE ( other than @ work bc she also is a voice teacher/vocal coach just so she’s doing Something with it, u know??? ) like,,,,,,, other than that she sings in the shower and in the car and that’s It and i hate her!! and sofia is the reason i use a different fc for playing emma, bc then tgwdlm came along and i FELL IN LOVE with emma and oops lauren’s already in use. but yep sofia really is the girl that didn’t like musicals. a libra !!!! a gryffindor !!!! a type three !!!! an esfj !!! athletic legend who thought she might have to give up all her hobbies and potentially her job when she got sick BUT ALL IS WELL she’s fiiiine!!!! takes pole dancing classes for fun!!! can probably race you up a climbing wall and beat your ass no matter who you are, and despite the fact she’s an entire 5′0′’!!!! she can be such a stubborn little shit but that’s okay, she’s Soft really!!! anyway i’m gonna shut up now bc i feel for anybody who has to scroll past this Massive Wall of Ramble on their dash but tysm for sendin me this i loved rambling about sof !!!! :’)))) 

[kagevama]

today, february 10th, 2017, marks the one-year anniversary of this blog. that is absolutely unreal!!! i have compiled a list of “thank you” paragraphs that came from my heart. here is the first:

to you (my followers and mutuals): thank you for staying with me on this journey from when i first started as a pastel haikyuu blog to now! all of you have encouraged me to become the person i am today, and i am so thankful for every single one of you.

you’re all such a ginormous part of my life, and you don’t even realize it. i get notifications on my phone (which i carry around everywhere) whenever someone likes/reblogs my posts, sends me an ask/message, or follows me, so i see everything. i take these notifications as reminders that someone out there is validating me and actually likes what i post and/or wants to interact with me. it gives me warm feelings inside and motivates me to keep blogging!

in addition, i love having you all to fall back on. i remember when i posted about failing one of my math exams, and i was (lovingly) bombarded with messages, asks, and replies filled with positivity and encouragement for the next test. that meant so much to me that i literally cried tears of joy. also, i received so many kind messages when i posted my hiatus post a few days ago; it meant the whole world to me. whenever i feel down, i always think about every nice thing that each of you have said to me and i become filled with contentment. you all are constantly on my mind & i am so grateful for having all of you in my life.

again, thank you so much for sticking with me. tumblr is such a big part of my existence and brings me so much happiness and enjoyment -- it wouldn’t if it weren’t for you: the people on this website. despite all of my flaws, like not being active and taking very long to reply, you’ve stayed with me. i have so much love for every single one of you. i wish i could give you a big hug (or a nice high-five/thumbs up if you’re not comfortable with hugs)!! here’s to another year <3

and here are some special “thank you’s” !!

kris @chinoy: you’re the one who introduced me to tumblr back in 2013. if it weren’t for you, i wouldn’t have had this place where i met so many amazing people, expanded my creative endeavors, and felt like i’ve actually belonged. you’ve been with me since i was still finding myself (from one direction to astrology), and above all, you’ve tolerated me -- even from when i was so close-minded and immature in the sixth and the seventh grades. i am so incredibly grateful for you. you probably think that this is rlly cringe and stuff, but still, i appreciate and admire you more than words can express. thank you for everything! love u homie

jade @mun-mirajade: you were the person who started it all. the person who single-handedly took a young, 5sos-obsessed teenager and changed her into a full-blown weaboo. it takes guts, and you did it. two of my fondest memories from the hell-hole that was 2016 was when we walked around the park near my house talking about anime. we sat on the bleachers overlooking the baseball field, and you told me about all of your headcanons about haikyuu. you also dragged me to fanime (even though i only watched a few animes at the time), and the experience was exceptionally more fond and memorable than anything i experienced that summer. thank you for everything. i love you so much bro

kate @gaysngreys​: i first met you at fanime 2016 -- you were the first cosplayer who i saw and thought, “oh my god. i wanna cosplay and look as amazing as them!” that was one of the most memorable fanime experiences for me because it was then when i seriously thought about cosplaying. thank you for being a mutual and for sticking with me for so long! i appreciate and admire you very much (nd you know that time when i visited your uni? it was because my sister applied there & she wanted to look at the campus -- it’s been on my mind a lot like “shit man. it’s hella creepy that i just showed up to kate’s university” but i swear that i didn’t intend to be!) thank you for all of the inspiration & memes you’ve given me :’)

lara @sugasets: LARAAAAA you’ve had such a positive impact on my life :’) i remember when you first followed me -- i am so glad that i followed back. you inspire me to become a warmer, more compassionate person. the amount of times that i’ve smiled because of the kind messages or snapchats that you’ve sent me are too much to count! you’re one of my biggest role models! i want to kick life’s butt with kindness and determination just like you do. thank you for proving to me that life isn’t so bad because of the people like you!! love u so much

mish @tobiohchan: i remember following your blog when i created mine. you were reblogged onto my dash multiple times, and i remember loving every single one of your edits (and i still do)!! the day that you followed me back, i was almost in tears because i couldn’t believe that you did. your graphics, gifs, and edits instill so much inspiration in me. your resource blog is so useful and i can’t thank you enough for everything that you’ve compelled me to create!! thank you so much for continuing to inspire me and for all of the kind support you give your followers :’)

aleena @dazaiosamu​: you were one of my first friends and mutuals on this blog, and you have seen more of me than almost everyone here!! thank you so much for showing me all of the kindness that you have. you’re one of my most favorite people, and i am so lucky that i’ve met and gotten to know someone as talented, intelligent, and compassionate as you. we’ve lost our snapchat streak multiple times, but i don’t think that i’ll ever be able to lose the respect and love that i have for you!!! soooo incredibly cheesy, but i mean every single word. thank you for being my friend :’)

anastasia @nanzse: you followed me a couple of weeks ago and it completely blew my mind away! your edits are all so gorgeous. to achieve the level of perfection that is your blog is a goal of mine!! thank you for following back and for motivating me to create graphics, gifs, and edits :) i have so much admiration and respect for you - i look up to you so much. thank you for continuously providing me with inspiration!

alicia @pliestsky: alicia!! you were one of my first friends on this blog! i’d firstly like to thank you for sticking with me for so long, and for all of your snapchats -- i love seeing them! you’re so talented, kind, and smart. i still can’t believe that you run an anime blog, a k-pop blog, and a k-pop twitter on top of golf & such! you’re such an organized person who has tons of time-management skills, and i hope to be like you one day. all in all, thank you for showing me so much kindness as well as for giving me loads of advice on school & graphics :’) love you lots!!

naz @oikawaisagenius: you’ve been following me for so long!! i remember constantly seeing you in my notifications, and i can’t believe that i only recently followed you. you’re such a kind, sweet person who literally deserves the entire world. thank you for sticking around with me for so long!!! i appreciate and value you to the moon back :’)

kenma @kozumek: hey kenma!! i know that we don’t really talk, but it’s been a privilege being your mutual. i genuinely enjoy your presence on my dashboard -- i truly appreciate you and your aesthetic so much. it hurts my heart whenever i see you sad; in my eyes, you’re an amazing person who deserves nothing but the best. thank you for continuing to follow me & for all of our interactions!! 

lucy @yachii: lucy!! we don’t talk often, but i still consider you to be one of my tumblr friends. thank you for all of our interactions (including all of the puns that you’ve rejected). you’re such a chill, kind hearted person, and i strive to be like you someday. your aesthetic is also so incredibly gorgeous & it’s been a true privilege being your mutual. thank you for showing all of the kindness that you have, and thank you for being a cool person in general!!

pau @hiwazumi: pau!! ahh i just wanted to thank you for being such an inspiration for me. your edits, graphics, -- everything you create is so gorgeous and exceedingly inspiring to me. you’re such a sweet, talented person

nicole @malkii: nicooolleee ahhhh where do i begin??? i find it so crazy that we’ve only known each other for a couple of months. you’ve quickly worked your way into my life -- in fact, you’re my #1 best friend on snapchat! you’ve probably seen a whole lot more of my life than anyone on this website. we’ve shared so many memeories already, too. from oipepe to talking about who our crushes are, i cherish each one. i value and appreciate you so much, u furry. thank you for snapchatting me, sending me your lame puns, and (most of all) for being my friend. words can’t describe how much i love you!! 

[franeridart]

kaminari denki is best boi!! I love the way you draw him! he deserves all the love!!!! thank you for giving him love

Thank you!!!!!!! aND ISN’T HE!!!!!!!! I adore him and he’s so much fun to draw and all I want is for him to be showered in love did I mention I love him I’m in love with him

Anon said: THE JOKE IN YOUR BOKUROTERU COMIC ABOUT DAICHI NEEDING SOME SUGA HAD ME CRYING ON THE FLOOR FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES

I’M HAPPY YOU LIKED IT LMAO

Anon said: OK. Okay, now you've done it. I'm starting bnh today. I'm blaming u when I fall into a new Fandom hell orz

👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 let me know how that goes anon I hope you’ll love it as much as I do ahhhh

Anon said:Beautiful anon here (that sounds so wrong but you know what I mean). I'm so happy I got a doodle it's so cuteeeeeee and another one today with Denki getting some Kiri Baku love. I'm officially deceased. Please show these drawings at my funeral, thank you.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M GLAD YOU LIKED THEM ANON!!!! 💕💕💕💕

Anon said: GLASSES AKAASHI AND PONYTAIL KENMA THANK YOU SO MUCH

Anon said: OMG THE WAY YOU DRAW AKAASHI IS SO PRETTY I'VE LITERALLY ASCENDED TO HEAVEN

Anon said: I love how you design akaashi and kenma for your tattoo AU (◕‿◕✿) if it's not too much trouble can I see a little bit more of those two please and thank you!!!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

Anon said: Dude!! Your akaken designs are rlly sweet I love em. Akaashi's tattoo especially is rlly cute gosh but!! Is there any purpose behind the rings they both had around their necks??

👀 👀 👀 .....yep, they’re a matched pair - I didn’t make it 100% official because not everyone reading the AU might ship AkaKen, but to make a pretty long story very much short the rings symbolize their relationship being the closest thing to married they can get in Japan 👍

Anon said: Sono le 2 di notte cosa ci fai ancora in piedi? Anche se è vacanza non è una scusa per non dormire! (lmao scherzo anch'io sono sveglia ma cerca di riposarti okay?) (Tra l'altro adoro il tuo ultimo fumetto, kenma è perfetto!!)

lmao fun fact il mio ritmo sonno-veglia è un completo disastro e la maggior parte della roba che posto viene completata alle due di notte hahahaha #I’mAMess

Anon said: Uraraka is me

Uraraka is all of us poor broke souls lbr, she’s Relatable™

Anon said: can i just say that i love your art so much!! I've only just got into bnha recently, i watched the anime a while back but your art convinced me to start reading the manga too so thank you so much for being the main reason i have no life rn :) :) :)

You’re welcome 👍👍👍👍 now we can be in hell (or heaven, depending on how you look at it) together hahaha

Anon said: Please pay with color more!! I love it so much!!

OH MY GOSH!!!!! I’m super happy you liked it!!!!!!!

Anon said: BNHA season 2 comes out at april, and can you draw some katsud,eku? bc theyre my life hnGfF

Aw anon, I don’t ship them romantically! Well, I mean, I don’t mind them, but producing stuff for them is a bit... but if you’re okay with them being buds then SURE I’ve decided a while ago that in my comics their relationship is gonna be a couple steps ahead already hahaha

Anon said: hmm do you have any special feelings about toshinori/aizawa?? bc it is. so rare,, (also all of your art keeps me going. I love getting notifications that you've uploaded smth ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ )

AHHHHHHH thank you so much!!!!!!!! and... uhhhhhhhhhhhh I’ve never really thought about them like that tbh? The only Aizawa ship I ship is with Yamada, and even that is just because my sis ships it and suggested fics and I end up shipping stuff really easily lbr haha I dunno! I’ll have to think about it a bit

Anon said:Did you considered Akashi x konoha?

I have! Because it has been mentioned to me already a couple times, and because Konoha miiiiight be one of those haikyuu characters I kind of just ship with everyone, oops - as you might have noticed I’m kind of really deep in Aka.Ken and Kono.Komi so Kono.Aka isn’t exactly something I spend time thinking about, but it sounds really damn nice o

Anon said: I'm rewatching bnha and I have a completely different perception of it this time thanks to your art

Anon said: When you become unreasonably obsessed with that one ongoing comic strip... AndwhyarentthereanymorethothatsastupidthoughtcuzartistsneedtimebutitssogoodandINEEDMOREEEyouregoodatthis Btw ur art is cool. Ur cool. :D

Anon said: Hi i just wanted to tell you that i really really enjoy reading your comics! Have a great day! :D

Anon said: I just wanted to say how much I love your art and art style! Even though it's simplistic, that's what gives it the charm 🦉

Anon said: ngl, I visit your blog everyday to see if there is an update on that bokukuroteru comic (I mean... I would still visit regularly for all the awesome art but that comic is E V E R Y T H I N G)

Anon said:hi! i just started looking at this today and let me just say, your art is amazing this yaoi is amazing and omfg ily(platonicly and role modely)

THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH HOLY SMOKES!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕

-

if there’s any ask I haven’t replied to yet it’s either something I mean to draw for OR it got lost between those I mean to draw for orz either way I read all of them as soon as I get them and they make me!!!!!! super happy!!!!!!! so thank you, even if I haven’t explicitly answered it here know that I appreciate it and it made my day brighter when you sent it! Thank you so so so so much!!!!!

[clumsyclifford]

ya know that ask meme that went around a while ago about like five things you would use to summon me turns out i just need like two and its u calling me baby and sayin ur feelin jewish. jane bordeaux playlist has been started and so far it is all of the songs off of אוקיינוסים (except the 12 second one) so maybe itll just end up being a complete discography but i will share when i am done after i have a chance to work on it between assignments (1/?)

ivri is so great i press play and just feel so calm with the piano and soft voice and like in kar kar when some1 else sings wow love it sm theres this trick where u put ur phone under ur pillow and its supposed to sound like laying on some1s chest while they sing to u and it sorta works so highly recommend with this album. i think that ill also go back to repressing broke ass millionaire and all the other english versions of their songs which i accidentally discovered and rlly wish i didnt (2/?)

okay i saw ur convo w kj about tashlich and bread and eels and bleach (wtf yall) and it might have been kj that tagged baruch hashem????? but i have no idea and i cant search her blog to find it? so who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ a very jewish 5sos mystery. but yea it sucks not getting class off for high holy days and my profs are usually understanding but teachers were Not understanding in high school in the south damn... (3/?)

zoom services do not sound fun but idk its easier for me to fast if im in services than if im in class maybe just cuz im so used to associating services w fasting idk i guess well see what i do too my colleges jewish group is putting together a list of cool services and some sound cool but also zoom means u can just leave when ur bored so... okay jewish geography! i may have to come off anon for this at some point but i lived in maryland for year! (4/?)

but i also know people in nfty and now i go to school in mass so theres some possible places? i also know a lot of jewish people in chicago from a urj camp if that sparks anything someone i went to camp with just did competitive jewish geography where two random people had to figure out a way to this specific person by calling in friends and its such a funny concept to me but also they ended up getting to the person so uh jewish geography works (5/?)

anyway i am always down to be jewish on main i do not have enough jewish friends and i would like them i will also continue to send long multi-part asks because i always have too much to say yikes sorry :)) (6/6) - שירים

PUTTING A READ MORE

thats so fucking funny im just gonna toss the words baby and jewish into random sentences and see if you come. also i am looking forward to this playlist and second side note if you have any ADDITIONAL hebrew artists please share those with me too i am trying to expand my repertoire even more

god i KNOW ha’ahava (the album) is just so soothing. like it’s so calming. ha’yeled sheli?? karosella??? ffffffffffff such a nice song however im going to admit something which is that i personally think kar kar would be nicer if it didn’t have the woman singing on it. like it just kind of jars me and im already in love with ivri’s voice and then it is rudely taken away i am not about that life BUT nevertheless the woman singing it with him still has a lovely voice so i can’t complain too much. however perhaps one day i shall have to try that phone under pillow trick hmmmmmm

GKFJGKDJKJJGFDKJ she said that the river near her is infested with poisonous snakes !!!! and i think tashlich is more important. but at any rate i don’t see why you can’t just toss the bread to the snakes. anyway i have to be honest i don’t think kj uses phrases like baruch hashem but it might have been her and i couldn’t find it on my own blog (even though. i am frankly almost 100% sure ive tagged something w that before, tumblr’s search function is just garbage lmao)

yeah my profs here have always been understanding but i bet in the south they weren’t yikes that is Tragic

omg okay i don’t know how much i should reveal to you in public to my whole entire blog i might doxx myself by accident i know i think one person in NFTY (i did USY, peripherally) and.........as for mass and chicago im not sure?? i think i know like random people here and there but mainly the places i know w loads of jews are like, new york, new jersey, atlanta........texas..........midwest a bit..........random places HOWEVER i have heard of that game and im pretty sure i know someone who played it im trying to remember which of my family members was relating that story to me but anyway thats really fuckin funny i mean yes jewish geography genuinely does work

CLEARLY i am also always down to be jewish on main so feel free to come jew it up in here whenever

[strawberryspeachy]

Pretty sure I wrote on here how I walk on eggshells around my grandfather and I kinda started feeling bad about not trusting him lately cause he’s been being nice to me

Well like. I still did. But after basically cleaning and barn mixed with what would top the hoarders tv show... finally thinking for the first time in my life I could relax... a couple months later followed by that rug I’ve been fearing being ripped out from under me... in fact being ripped out from under me

I had my first emotionally loud panic attack yesterday. Promptly followed by being told that he doesn’t care if I have any place to leave and telling me that I’m crap.

And yeah. See. That’s exactly why that feeling has never gone away.

I remember one time after college I don’t remember what was happening but I was upset and he was mad at me and I think I flinched or something and he screamed at me “what have I ever done to you?! I’ve never hit you!” And he’s right. He’s never hit. Threatened to? Yes. Grabbed his belt and stormed over at me? Yea. Actually hit me? No.

It’s annoying that that’s the qualifier of abuse. Being hit.

I’ve already bitched about how psychologically my family’s fucked me up. How every time something new happens it teaches me why I react to other things a certain messed up way based on how I was treated in the past. It sucks. It sucked. And it will forever continue to suck.

I bitch on here super long posts because they just go into my endless blog somewhere on the internet. Instead of 100 page document taking up memory on my computer. In attempt to not bother my friends with it. Which I haven’t entirely done this time. I reached out to my friends for help. Instead of that 2 of them are no longer my friends and the rest ignore me.

I can’t kill myself. Nothing painless works. I don’t have the means for the for sure methods. As in like they require a perscription or the perfect weather. Or a contraption that doesn’t exist because. You’re allowed to be homeless. You’re allowed to starve if it’s because you can’t afford food. You’re allowed to be poisoned by chemicals rich companies produce. You’re allowed to suffer. You’re allowed to suffer so much that you die. But don’t you dare pull the trigger yourself. Don’t you dare make something that helps people escape. That’s immoral. That’s instigating. That’s against the law.

The internet is still flipping the fuck out because a tv show implied you’re actions might negatively affect someone’s mind so much that they kill themself. And at the same time mad that a tv show showed the life of a suicide because ill instigate others??? How can you fight with both : don’t blame bullying for suicide./ don’t talk about suicide or else it’ll cause suicide.

I’m all over the place here. It’s whatever. My page is probably gonna be taken down cause tumblrs censoring shit and there’s ppl on YouTube bitching about the same shit as above. Like holly fuck. When ppl say ppl are triggered by everything these days it’s normally about how they can’t tell jokes about different races or gays or whatever else they feel superior to. But like ugh. It is kinda true. God forbid you put your opinion on the internet. Not even on someone’s page. Just there. Just somewhere ppl can find it. Someone disagrees and doesn’t like that it’s there.

Anyway.

Every time bs happens with my family I start to wonder what I would be like if I weren’t brought up in such a toxic environment.

In the past year or so I wonder how my brain has changed when I get mad at someone because. My mother has a nasty habit of getting mad at someone and then attack them personally. Say you knocked her drink over or something. She won’t just get mad that you knocked her drink over and be like what the heck I rlly wanted that - can you get me a new one. No. She’ll tell you how you’re always the most inconsiderate person ever. SHE HATES YOU. YOU RUIN HER LIFE! You fucking bitch what the hell is wrong with you?! Why do you WANT to make her miserable?!?

For YEARS I’ve been getting mad and pointing out. It doesn’t matter if you upset about something. Be upset. Say something. But stop attacking people on a personal level every time you get mad.

A fucking year ago my mom (grandmom) was still doing okish. A year ago I was the only one taking care of my mom and really even giving a fuck..... complaint for another post.

But my mom was destroying the house. She was collecting trash. And breaking things and stealing stuff. It’s what ppl with dementia do. And it got super freaking frustrating to say the least. My mother instead of being like. You’re ripped up my sandwitch. Not cool! ——— instead would scream the same things I wrote above at my mom and tell her how she was the worst parent ever and how she’s always been doing these things to ruin her life and how she’s so stupid for every decision she’s ever made ect ect ect

Keep in mind. My mom had 3 kids who she took care of. Maybe not the best parent. But a good and loving parent. And then she took care of me becauseeeee my mother decided I was only good as a get out of jail card and opted to be a coke addict hanging out with actual criminals till I was ending high school.

So many times I told her she needs to stop talking to mom like that. She needs to stop talking to me like what. How would she feel if every time someone got mad at her they called her a fucking bitch and brought up everything that’s ever bugged them about her and called her scum for it. She swore ppl already did that. So I started doing it to her. For the first few months she just got extra mad. Even though I pointed out that’s exactly what she always did to us. Isn’t this worse than just being upset about something.

Did she change. No. She just doubled down on it. And now I just react to her in the same way she treats me.

How this started is lost on everyone in my family. It’s just more “she she’s exactly like her mother” cause even though I was a super good kid. I was always just like my mother to the rest of my family.

And to pull this back. I don’t rlly get to see anyone. I’m stuck here. I have no money. Basically no friends. Nothing. And I’ve begun to wonder. When I think about ppl when I’m upset with them. Has just this year of personally attacking someone to match their tone taken its toll on how I react?

It honestly doesn’t even matter at this point. I feel like I should realize that lonely kid I was making up things to play in the backyard is all I’ll ever be. Those dreams of actually being part of something. Having ppl who care about me for me. That’s not gonna happen.

I was looking for a recipe I sent my aunt in the beginning of college. I found it in our fb messages but not before scrolling through the copy pastes from that demon roommate I had that year.... I consciously was nothing but nice to that girl. I talked to her when she talked to me and didn’t intrude on her when she didn’t talk to me. I was positive. I invited her when I went places. I introduced her to the ppl I talked to. I didn’t say anything when she broke my stuff or woke me up or had her bf and sister over every weekend. ONE TIME while I’m sleeping and she starts having sex in the bunk above me for the 4th time I say outloud pls stop... then follow that up later alone with an apology and tell her to just ask me to give her private time. She she committed herself to trying to turn all my friends against me. Getting my crush to stop talking to me. Turning my entire floor against me. Telling my ra that I made her uncomfortable to be in the room and yelled at her and several other things I’ve repressed from that convo with my ra while I was in shock that she said so many mean things about me and I never even knew she hated me. Wondering what did I do? I guess I heard it in the ways that she complained that I looked good in jeans. I guess I heard it in the way she got mad that her bf wanted to watch the tv show I head headphones in for and asked if I could take them out so he could watch too when she wanted him to do something. I guess it was in the way that when she met my friends she immediately spoke in just Korean till they asked her to speak in English since I couldn’t understand. I guess i should have known when she got mad at me for not being as resentful toward my family as she was toward hers at the time. I guess I should have known when she would look at me sometimes and I’d wonder why the look felt like she hated me. Cause she did. I’m dumb and didn’t know and I continued trying so hard to be overly nice and considerate toward someone who wasn’t satisfied targeting the ppl around me. But instead wanted everyone on fb to know how absolutely terrible and awful I was.

And I still hate her. And she’s in the back of my mind every time I think about what happens when I’m nice. But reading those. It hurt all over again.

[butterccupp]

1-100 do all those questions u posted a long time ago

1. Is a kiss considered cheating? i think it depends? context is everything2. Have you ever faked orgasm? ,,, yes3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? invisibility maybe? idk maybe mind reading would be cool4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? probably not? i mean hopefully but idk where i will be or what i will be doing5. Tell us some funny drunk story. i have never been drunk yikes6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? just reasons? things weren’t working out7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? SHARK ATTACK8. What are your current goals? idk??? i have a lot but also i don’t really have any9. Do you like someone? u silly10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? myself what’s good :-)11. Do you like your body? very rarely ??? i am v large in many senses and it makes me really self conscious 12. Can you keep a diet? no13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? probably “uhhhhhhh” bc i’m so indecisive and couldn’t think of one thing14. Do you work? i babysit and watch dogs but i don’t have like, a formal job15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? pizza16. Would you get a tattoo? yes there are a few that i want17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? tbh most of mine goes to food and gas18. Can you drive? yes i got my license as soon as i possibly could19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? u tell me all the time babe !!20. What was the last thing you cried for? idk i cry multiple times a day over stupid shit probably bc i was just overwhelmed or sad21. Do you keep a journal? i own lots of journals and i would love to keep one but i’m too inconsistent22. Is life fun? life is what u make of it my dude23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? yes? everybody does it like ???? wtf24. What’s your dream car? a range rover would be nice, but i also want a big jeep wrangler25. Are grades in school important? idk i mean i have a 5.0 gpa so yes??? but also in the grand scheme of things no26. Describe your crush. brown eyes, curly hair, the most STUNNING smile i have ever seen, cute dimples, u27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? i don’t really remember? i haven’t been interested in a book or movie for a long time rip28. What was your last lie? uhhh last night i told myself i was going to get up and write a speech this morning 29. Dumbest lie you ever told? idk?? i’m not a great liar so nothing too bad30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? yes but it happens so frequently that i don’t really care anymore31. Something you did and you are proud of? worked my butt off for four years & i’m graduating 2nd in my class32. What’s your favourite cocktail? nothing33. Something you are good at? school34. Do you like small kids? yes my 2 yr old twin cousins are my favorite thing35. How are you feeling right now? tired and overwhelmed. i think frazzled is appropriate 36. What would you name your daughter/son? florence!!!! i lov that name37. What do you need to be happy? minimal stress. u don’t hurt either :’)38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? no i’m not a violent person tbh39. What was the last gift you received? a gift from my kindergarten teacher for graduation40. What was the last gift you gave? i bought the new urban decay palette for my mom today for mother’s day41. What was the last concert you went to? julien baker in pittsburgh42. Favourite place to shop at? like for clothes?? i get a lot of them at tj maxx or marshall’s or target or even charlotte russe43. Who inspires you? my mom, my english teacher, u44. How old were you when you first got drunk? ?????45. How old were you when you first got high? also ???????46. How old were you when you first had sex? 1647. When was your first kiss? 13 maybe ?? it was this boy in my neighborhood bc i was starting to get real feelings for girls and i thought if i kissed him it would fix it. clearly that didn’t work48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? date u :)49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? i wish i wouldn’t have wasted so much time & energy on ppl that didn’t matter50. Post a selfie. idk how to do that in this on the app ??? i guess i could actually post one after this51. Who are you most comfortable around? u52. Name one thing that terrifies you. not being in control of my life, bugs living inside of me, moving water, disappointing the people i love, not meaning anything to people, idk i’m really scared of a lot of things53. What kind of books do you read? memoirs & biographies & nonfiction in general54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? tell your mom how you’re feeling, get into therapy now and maybe things will be easier down the road55. What is your favourite flower? i really like sunflowers and peonies 56. Any bad habits you have? so many, i gnaw my fingers until they bleed it’s pretty bad 57. What kind of people are you attracted to? people named hannah :)58. What was the last thing you cried for? didn’t i already answer this idk it was probably because i was stressed59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you? no i’m usually really open to trying foods 60. Are you in love? yes wow61. Something you find romantic? when u rub ur thumb on my face, it’s v small but makes me feel v happy and safe62. How long was your longest relationship? how long have we been dating idk63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? high school girls in particular are v caught up in irrelevant things and like to start useless drama64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? literally everything men just annoy me in general65. What are you saving money for? traveling to london this summer!!66. How would you describe your bad side? i’m very particular and controlling and obsessive and perpetually stressed67. Are you actually a good person? Why? i like to think so68. What are you living for? lots of things69. Have you ever done anything illegal? i mean i’ve probably run a red light once or twice, i’m not a very risky person70. Do you like your body? didn’t i already answer this too?71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? never, i think that’s a pretty shitty thing to do72. Ever sent nudes? yes73. Have you ever cheated on someone? no74. Favourite candy? sour patch kids 75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!@tyegerlily :)76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game? no i don’t really play games77. Favourite TV series? the office78. Are you religious? Does God exist? no, yes79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? uhhhh probably the color purple for my junior AP english assignment, i really liked it yes80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? i wish that it was more feasible for me but i just can’t pull it off currently81. How long have you been on Tumblr? only a few months w this blog but like 5 years in total82. Do you like Chineese food? yes83. McDonalds or Subway? subway84. Vodka or whiskey? neither85. Alcohol or drugs? neither86. Ever been out of your province/state/country? i’ve been out of the state, and i’m going out of the country for the first time this summer87. Meaning behind your blog name? it’s something that u call me :’)88. What are you scared of? i already answered this too wtf89. Last time you were insulted? idk honestly90. Most traumatic experience ? my grandma’s death rlly fucked me up, also my experiences w aforementioned first kiss boy91. Perfect date idea? spending time with u!!!!!92. Favourite app on your phone? sandbox it’s a coloring app and it’s v relaxing93. What colour are the walls in your room? ugly brown wood paneling94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? yeah but most of the time it’s just ted talks or vine compilations95. Share your favourite quote. “we all impact the world around us every day. we have to decide what kind of difference we want to make.” or something like that from jane goodall96. What is the meaning of life? i think it’s to make each other’s lives a bit easier97. Do you like horror movies? no they give me panic attacks98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? idk she cried when i came out to her and sometimes she cries if i tell her that my mental health isn’t great99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? yeah i think i’m a pretty lucky person100. Can you keep a secret? yes