"I wear my heart on my sleeve for daws to peck at,"
Only, the daws are your smiles,
and your eyes
when they start riots in mine.
Tell me, dear
when your lips curved into my skin,
your hands wove constellations
into every fibre of my being,
and you took me apart,
a single whisper
broken,
yearning,
did you feel me crumble?
Did you delight in my ruins?
Did you know
that swathed in pretty promises and prettier lies,
you drove a stake through me
and it never rusted with time?
For the daws may peck my heart
but, darling, they seldom left scars.
These marks where christened memories
and these memories seldom fade.
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REPLICA PLAYLIST
MUSIC UNDER CUT
I have been receiving requests for any songs that inspired Replica, so here, have my personal playlist. Sorry it’s not Spotify/Soundcloud but they don’t have some of these songs available so uh… guess you’re stuck with YouTube vids. For fun I'll include my personal titles for them (which might give a few hints of what to expect in the future/end).
Replica Main Theme - “Die for You” by Grabbitz
Like Father Like Son Like Brother (Omega and Shelldon) - "As Above So Below" by Alistair Lindsay
Mikey's Theme / The 1st Vision - "Suzume no Tojimari" by Nanoka Hara
Military (Mad) Dogs / Central Park Colony - "Imperium" by Madeon
Shanghai - "Icarus" by Madeon
Boom Goes the Donnie-mite (Mikey/Donnie vs the Sweeper) - "The Red Zone" by Mitsuoto Suzuki
The Day the Sky Bled Red - "7 Seconds Till the End" by Nobuo Uematsu
Going Out Like a Boss (Raph and Leo) - "Agape" by Nicholas Britell
Remembering the Right Way (Mikey and Leo) - "The Souls of Many" - by Alistair Lindsay
Mystic Hands / The 2nd Vision - "Am I Dreaming" by Metro Boomin x A$AP
Book 2 Trailer - "Sea Dragon" by Covet
7 Years Later - "Iron" by Woodkid
Leo's Theme / Attack on the Labor Camp - "Ego Death" by Polyphia
Omega's Theme - "Touch" by Daft Punk
Flat Lines (Omega Alone) - "Die Toteninsel Emptiness" by 1000 Eyes
Spear - "Monsters" by Tommee Profitt
Final Protocol - "The Kraken" by Katie Dey
Rise / Epilogue - "Close in the Distance" by Masayoshi Soken & Tom Mills
I will admit, it's a little embarrassing since you can easily see the patterns of what I've been listening to for the past year or two. I swear I listen to more than just videogame OSTs, these songs just jive well with the story and I often find lyrics distracting when brainstorming scenes. Regardless, the music I listen to is such an important part of my creative process and some of these songs really defined the scenes I now have locked in my head. So I figured it was only fair to give them the credit they're due.
I will continue to add to this playlist, and will note in comic updates when one of these songs is applicable!
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the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.
the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.
friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.
if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!
what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!
people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.
you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.
your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.
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