#I did not realize I said these phrases until I referred to the same characters as this in the span of 10 minutes

[immabebaby]

Reading a fanfic, my reaction to characters is one of three

"My guy, my man, my ever good fellow, why"

" Ms gurl u for real right now"

" Oh, babyyy nooo"

And on the occasion (this is specially towards the authors)

"You mutherfucker"

[possum-quesadilla]

WE ARE SO BACK! Chapter fifteen of Time’s Arrow, “But my heart is like a claw machine, It’s only function is to reach, It can't hold on to anything”, is here! Make sure to read the content warnings before proceeding!

Here are the extras!

- The lyrics for this chapter are from “Claw Machine” by Sloppy Jane, from the “I Saw The TV Glow” soundtrack! This song works well for both LoopJuice and Corpsejuice. I wanted to tie the ‘TV Glow themes back in again, and to reflect how Beej still holds a negative image of himself and his ability to hold onto relationships. Hopefully, that image changes soon, wink wink! Also this song fucks. It goes so hard. The whole soundtrack for that movie does.

- “Beetlejuice just laid there, mostly paralyzed, staring up at the strange glowing shapes dotting his ceiling.” - the ‘laying there, mostly paralyzed’ phrasing was inspired by a similar line in “The Bed Song” by Amanda Palmer (who I don’t condone the actions of, of course). Mostly meant to parallel how Beej is stuck in a place where he could easily get out with help. Like the ending of the song, “I would have told you, if you’d only asked me”.

- “He let out a little “grrk” of surprise as he was squeezed.” - inspired by Crowley from “Good Omens” and his weird noises, but also a comic panel of Toonjuice making this same sound that I am having trouble locating.

- “He was still in his sleepwear, which was quite unusual for him. He usually changed as soon as he woke up, even before his coffee.” - Charles rushed to check on Beetlejuice as soon as he woke up. Also, as evidenced by chapter 13, his whole sleep routine has been thrown off due to his worry over his adopted son.

- “The bottle of turpentine tasted horrendous. It fought it’s way down, causing the demon to shiver and grimace. It burned their throat like crazy. But it did it’s job.” - last bit of unhealthy coping mechanisms before deep healing!! Also, inspired by that scene in “The Lighthouse” where they drink turpentine mixed with honey, because I wanted to sprinkle in a bunch of references to other Willem Dafoe works.

- “Hello, pet.” - SORRY I LIED BEFORE. I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST TIME FOR SURE HE SHOWS UP IN THIS PARTICULAR FIC.

- “ “You defile beautiful things, Betelgeuse.” They let out an involuntary whimper as cold, clawed hands gripped their chin. “You will ruin this one, too. Like you ruin everything you touch. And once it’s soiled by your rot and filth, you will come crawling back to me.” ” - This dialogue and Beetlejuice’s whole thing about “rot” was inspired very heavily by the character Stede Bonnet in “Our Flag Means Death”. “You defile beautiful things” is a direct quote a villain says to him at some point. As Loopjuice has become something I use as a mirror, I wanted to include this because I have also had something extremely similar said to me. It goes along with the whole theme of “rot” and whether or not one is “too broken”, or even “broken” to begin with. (It pains me that Stede never got an end to his character arc. I would’ve loved to see a character I related to so deeply get closure.)

- “That is when they woke up. Rather violently so. All of the struggle and panic being trapped inside their useless body exploded out, and they threw themself backwards with a loud, pathetic, fearful cry. They had been laying their head on the front counter of the store. They fell backwards out of the chair and landed square on their ass.” - this was heavily inspired by the scene in “Hereditary” where Peter snaps out of the control of a demon after it made him slam his head on his desk. It really stuck with me!

- “You can’t get away that easy, pet. I will shadow you forever.” - I didn’t realize until after I’d written and then re-read it, but this line is accidentally taken from “Fear Street Part Three: 1666”. However, the line is said to a villain, and is about how he will never escape the truth. I also wanted to highlight that Cyrus is not gone. He has hurt Beej, and left him with mental and physical scars. He will still try to hurt him, and his presence will continue to haunt Beej for a good while. This was meant to reflect the unfortunate reality most abuse victims face.

- “Bela had a ridiculous and… familiar white cowboy hat sitting suspiciously high above her head, no doubt held up by her striped horns.” - She borrowed the hat from Lydia! It’s the hat Beej wears the end of the musical. She meant to give it back to her, but keeps forgetting.

- “The black dress she seemed to wear nearly every day…” - Bela has dozens of the same articles of clothing, due to her only liking a limited number of fabrics and fits. Autism, yay!

- “Her usually lavender hair was now tinted a strange, sickly shade of green.” - again, Bela’s mood ring hair has different meanings for different colors than Beej’s does!

- “Yeah! I can’t wait to get elbow-deep in some real ribcages, man.” - inspired by something I said when I was in school for forensic science, right before an autopsy. I got in trouble for it lol

- “(They gently reminded him they were waiting for Lydia to walk home with them when he asked why they were lingering.)” - Beej will, unfortunately, likely always need some gentle reminders about a few things. His memory is forever altered. But, thankfully, his loved ones are patient and understanding.

- “Lydia came in shortly after, face red as she panted.” - she ran to see them!

- “Ash filled the stagnant air of the walk home with excited jabbering about their harebrained ‘Adam is definitely alive and totally an apprentice’ theories. (Beetlejuice couldn’t quite remember what they were talking about, but they faintly knew it was probably bullshit.)” - Ash still has ‘Sawtism’, like yours truly! She's talking about, of course, the theory / AU of Adam from the first movie being alive and well. Beej can’t remember what they’re talking about, but he has instinctual sibling urges to contradict them.

- “ “No more bombshell secrets, right?” He shrugged, then swiftly nodded when she narrowed her eyes. “Yeah! Yeah. None that I’m, like, aware of.” ” - ;)

- “He sat slouched next to Beetlejuice, not yet used to the new height the disguise had added on. Truly, it wasn’t that much different from original Adam, at a glance. Just another nerdy white guy with brown hair, glasses, and a horrible, plaid-clad fashion sense.” … “Slowly but surely, a disguise melted on. Her hair became dark and even curlier, and her horns and deer-like ears vanished, along with her other demonic attributes. Her features became sharper. By the time she opened her eyes, Barbara looked like an entirely different human person.” - Their disguises are based off of how they looked in the 1988 movie!

- Kerry Davis - a mixture of the names of her Broadway actor, Kerry Butler, and her original movie actor, Geena Davis.

- Beej’s advice - Based heavily off of something I read from the actor Michael Sheen, when he was asked for acting advice. It really stuck with me. I think of it often and usually use this method in my writing.

- “Beetlejuice was afraid what he’d dig up. What ugly truths, what raw, still-bleeding painful memories? What hideous realities about himself? What if it really was all his fault? What if he couldn’t be helped? What if he was broken beyond repair?” - Meant to reflect common fears a lot of traumatized people have when thinking about therapy. I had pretty similar thoughts. None of them are true, of course!

- “(The old owner, of course. He’d dug up the man’s bones from where they were buried out back, out of curiosity long ago, only to find a second, much older body buried alongside him. Beetlejuice had covered them back up shortly after. The smell of the man’s sick and impending death stuck around for years after his passing.)” - this is meant to be a reference to Bill and Frank from “The Last of Us”, because. Y’know. ;)

- “A voice, low and drawling and twinged with delight, large teeth glinting in the darkness.” - Heyyyy Wolf!! He, of course, is based on Wolf Jackson from “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice”. His voice and face is Willem Dafoe’s, who I ADORE. Ask any of my friends, I am obsessed with this man. I tried my best to portray the way he talks, laughs, and his mannerisms from a few different roles, but I’m worried it doesn’t come through properly! I originally was going to make an OC for the therapist character, which I’ve had planned for a while, but once I saw the new movie I JUMPED at the chance to write my best friend Willem.

- “I’ve heard so much about you from many a demon.” - yeah, several demons were either traumatized by Beej or holds a grudge against him, lol

- “His laugh was sudden and jarring, barked out with some sort of manic humor.” - based on the way Willem laughs, but also Wolf Jackson himself. Very jarring!

- “Mr. Juice” - I didn’t really want him to call Beej the same nickname as Charles did, but the use of it in the movie was just too funny and tempting. Also, Charles has mostly moved on from that nickname, so Wolf can have it, lol.

- “You gotta build it, slow and steady, like domesticating a wild animal.” - this is advice one receives when working with wild animals, but especially wolves and wolf dogs. Once you lose their trust, it’s gone forever. This is a lowkey call back to Beej comparing his experience as a demon to being a wolf dog.

- “You were definitely a human, weren’t you? Born-demons know better than to compare us to animals.” - Beej has a bit of societal prejudice towards demons who were born human that he hasn’t really addressed within himself.

- Wolf’s whole deal - demons are volatile creatures. They are not used to therapy, it’s a brand new idea for them. Wolf hides his name and appearance for his own safety, and to avoid other demons seeking him out to gain information on his patients. He genuinely cares for his patients, and most of demon-kind, but he understands that they are not suited for full emotional honesty and the like.

- “Still is, poor thing.” - a lowkey reference to “Poor Things”, another movie Willem Dafoe is in! Don’t look it up, minors.

- “He heard a pen click, somewhere. “Care to tell me about it?” ” - I was originally going to have a few of their therapy sessions be shown within the fic, being long and wordy and all that. But I realized I’m not a therapist, and I don’t really know what would be said, aside from what I’ve been told in similar sessions. I don’t want to pretend to be an expert, and honestly? Having all of Beej’s extensive healing be “on screen” would be exhausting and a slog to read.

Tag list: @raineisinkless @c0zmo-writes @musical-fiend @katslitterbox

(Want to be tagged in updates to LoopJuice / other fics? Let me know!)

[thasorns-moved]

I cannot shake my thoughts about this and I’ll know I’ll keep this drama close to my heart. The fact that Myung ha’s ‘sunbae’ opened the riff to the world with the question “would you change it for me?” Also the fact that Myung ha’s alternate universe/game world started with the sound of an ocean tells already a lot about it but we won’t know until Episode 8 why. Throughout the series we watched Myung ha doing everything in his power to make Yeo woon happy while he himself couldn’t rely, couldn’t trust, couldn’t open himself up to him. We know the phrase of his ex gf “you don’t know how to love anyone.” left a deep scar in his soul which he carried with to the alternate universe/game. I try to think the system errors which occurred during the game was a way to change Myung ha’s mindset to not make the same mistakes and/or go on with his habitual habits he did in his life before he drowned himself. Also the different tasks was it actually for Myung ha to realize that he’s the one who makes Yeo-woon happy (which he didn’t). He retreated himself from Yeo woon because he couldn’t choose between the most important persons in his life as we saw his grandma died in real life which makes me think if he also knew that because in one sequence in the game/au it asked him if he wants to bring back some memories of Myung ha’s life. Also the last I love you from Yeo woon was the cherry on top to let the system completely crash where he distanced himself from Yeo woon. “I want to spend my remaining time making Yeo woon happy as best as I can. But it seems the more I try, the more unhappy I make Yeo-woon.” Which Myung ha remembers what Yeo-woon said: “whenever I see you, I both feel good and want to cry. I feel so much about every little thing. But I’m not happy at all right now.” Which again I try to think it is about why Myung ha doesn’t rely more on him? Why he doesn’t open himself up to him? A relationship is based off of trust, give and take… etc. but Myung ha goes into this relationship with deep rooted traumas which causes lack of self love. If one loves not itself enough how can they expect to love someone else which what explains Myung ha’s last phrase in the same scene so much. “Why did I think I could make you happy?” It’s as if he doesn’t think that a loner like him could be the one to give him love and happiness. What follows after is that he choses Yeo woon’s happiness even if he’s not his happiness… which again brings me to the beginning where Myung ha thinks “but I prefer lonely supporting characters to happy protagonists.” In this case he’s the lonely supporting character to our happy protagonist Yeo-woon. “But being fated to live that kind of life… is just so unfair.” He knew/knows how cruel life can be so he chose his happiness over everything and got vanished from the game. He realized by now that Yeo-woon is/was more important than he wanted to admit. Yeo-woon is/was a glimpse of happiness in Myung ha’s life. What brings us to the tragic backstory of his life and how he lived. All the obstacles he endured and went through led to his drowning (at this point we saw Yeo-woon’s obstacles in the alternate universe/game at least in my opinion). This is the turning point for Myung ha. “I was hoping if you saw yourself from someone else’s perspective, you would learnt to love yourself. I thought if you learned to love someone, you would be a little happier.” I want to make a reference here to the title itself “Love for Love’s sake” because all the sacrifices he did and cared more for others than himself… but he found happiness. In Yeo-woon. And he chose his own happiness for once. It’s the way he chooses all these things for himself, to open himself up for him, to rely and be cared for. “It would be nice to have someone. Someone who cares by my side. Someone who gives me chances when I fail and feel hopeless. It would be nice to have someone who always gives me love.” Which they found both in each other.

[illuminatedquill]

Sabine x Ezra/Anakin x Padme:

It's Like Poetry, It Rhymes

I'm already falling I couldn't help it, didn't think of the risk I got a problem, problem when I look in your eyes You're mine and you know it I'd still do it even if we were cursed Won't you be my problem? It's okay with me if it hurts - BANKS, Under the Table

George Lucas has a phrase that I always come back to regarding his work: "It's like poetry, it rhymes."

He said this in reference to Luke's battle with Vader in the Emperor's Throne Room aboard the second Death Star. During the climax of the duel, Luke faces the same choice his father did so many years ago.

And Luke chooses differently. Instead of killing Vader, he tosses aside his weapon and chooses to stop fighting. He wins the battle without violence and claims the mantle of Jedi Knight, which helps Anakin return to himself fully and turn on the Emperor.

For this post, I'm using this phrase to another interesting similarity within Star Wars: the relationship between Sabine Wren and Ezra Bridger having echoes of the doomed romance of Anakin Skywalker and Padme Amidala.

There's no way that Filoni is not aware how he's setting these two up.

Sabine, clearly, has resemblances to Ahsoka's former master; it doesn't surprise me that Ahsoka immediately cut Sabine's training short after the Purge of Mandalore.

Sabine is messy, angry, reckless, impulsive, and obviously depressed after experiencing so much trauma in her life. Despite her efforts to keep up appearances that everything's fine with her, we can tell in the Ahoska premiere that she still keenly feels the loss of Ezra and her family.

Anakin was the same way. We know his story; I won't re-hash it here.

Because of Sabine's inability to reflect on her problems - much like Anakin - they tend to influence her decisions. She can't focus on what needs to be done, versus what she wants to be done.

Love versus duty. The age old conundrum.

She should have destroyed the map to Thrawn. She didn't. She could not face returning to a galaxy without Ezra Bridger in it.

Anakin prevented Jedi Master Mace Windu from finishing Palpatine because he wanted the knowledge to save Padme from death.

Anakin's decision, I also want to remind, led to Padme's death being realized. In doing what he did to prevent it, he ended up causing it to come true.

Sabine's decision to save Ezra . . . well, we've yet to see how Filoni plays this out. But I think there might be a similar outcome here; some sort of consequence for Ezra due to Sabine's actions.

The galaxy - both times - shifted on its axis and began to spiral towards darkness. The Empire rose. Thrawn returned.

The seeds of darkness have already been planted in Sabine. Her decision to hand over the map to Baylon was a failure of temptation. And once you go down the path of the dark side, it's incredibly hard to turn away. Yoda told this to Luke and he failed to heed his advice until it was almost too late.

Lucas, with Luke and Vader, had them face the same dilemma in their respective journeys to show how different their choices would be and how their characters, despite being so much alike, were ultimately different.

So Filoni, with Sabine and Ezra, is - at least in my point of view - doing the same. He's going to have these two reckon with what Sabine did only for them to choose differently than what happened with Anakin and Padme.

We never really saw Anakin and Padme reconcile after his fall. That's the tragedy of their relationship.

But with Sabine and Ezra, there's still hope. They can choose better and not end up cursed like their predecessors.

For one, Ahsoka is literally right there. I'm uncertain as to how much she knows about the reason for Anakin's downfall but if she does know (or Anakin's Force ghost reveals it to her) then she's perfectly armed with the knowledge to make sure Sabine doesn't follow the same path.

Sabine and Ezra also have much more of a personal history with each other. Their foundation is built on stronger material than Anakin and Padme's. There's a lot of trust and respect and love already built into it.

But, admittedly, Sabine's actions threaten to unmake that relationship. I've talked about it before in a previous post; that she could end up losing Ezra due to her selfishness.

And that's not even mentioning the reactions from Hera. Hera, thinking of her son, Jacen, and her desire to raise him in a galaxy not at war. Now it's being threatened by Thrawn's return.

All because of Sabine's need to save Ezra.

I really don't know how, but I'm excited to see Sabine and Ezra work it out. Because we've never seen a proper redemption arc in Star Wars. Anakin was redeemed, yes, but he died shortly afterwards.

Sabine has to put in the work to make up for what she did. She's already started on the path by staying behind with Ahsoka instead of going home with Ezra, but being open to the Force now means that there's only more trials and temptations ahead.

I can't overstate how worried we should be for Sabine. She messed up so badly before being able to tap into the Force. And now she has it.

I know she's on the path to set things right but that temptation will never go away. It will only be amplified, going forward, and I'm sure that there will be more opportunities for abuse considering the inevitable conflict between Thrawn and the New Republic.

And then there's Ezra, of course. Her desire to keep him safe.

Because he wouldn't sit on the sidelines, even if he wanted to. Sabine's actions, like it or not, have involved him in ways that he cannot understand. He'll be at the center of this fight.

I expect Sabine is going to experience some troubling visions soon. I'm thinking similar to what Luke faced in the cave on Dagobah, or even what Anakin saw during his encounter with the Mortis gods.

There's nowhere to hide anymore now that she's stuck on Peridea.

The Force, I'm sure, is going to have a lot to show Sabine about herself that's been hidden away. I hope she's ready.

Much as I want to see these two together and living happily, it can't happen until Sabine and Ezra work through these issues together.

Because if they can't, well . . . we've seen how that story ends.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

What were your top 10 favorite interactions on Tumblr?

(Thanks!)

1. When necarion-blog made a version of my long post in real LaTeX:

Let me explain to you some things about College

\begin{enumerate}

{\item[{\bf 0} there are no classes

1. This is because everyone in college is secretly a slacker

2. this is not true

3. 0 points}]

2. The first time I talked to one of my non-online friends after reading Floornight. I explained one of the characters to them (it was Arjun), and they asked me "are you saying the character is a nekobo?" and it took a moment for me to realize that, yes, he was a nekobo. It was just a very weird moment

3. Meeting all my internet friends at the same time IRL

4. The NAB chatlog from March 8, 2013

4(a). You know, that one

5. That time my cousin sent me an email expressing confusion about whether the phrase "Prince Namor" referred to a person, and I had to explain that it referred to a character from the Marvel universe. He asked me how that character could be a prince given that he was from the sea, and I had to explain the concept of "title" to him. That was really fun

6. The party where I told a story about how I had licked the ground a lot as a kid because the "ground was a flavor" and a friend told me I should check out "the show with the blue horse" ("My Little Pony")

7. The first time I learned that the person I had a crush on since the summer before 7th grade was "into me" (she gave me a Valentine's Day card at school)

8. My godfather and I had been having a long, frustrating conversation about theology in which he kept bringing up the arguments of William Lane Craig and I kept saying "but there are other Christian philosophers" and he kept saying "I don't know who they are, who are they?" and I mentioned Richard Swinburne (not a Catholic, but an influential Christian philosopher) and asked if that name sounded familiar. He said it didn't, and I said "OK, how about John Hick" and he said "ok, that sounds familiar, it sounds like a drug"

9. Noticing that I could not feel my left hand when I looked at it and my first reaction was to check to see if I was actually in contact with it, and determining that in fact I was (I had gone numb during a nap)

10. The time I took a 10-minute walk and decided that a specific hole in the ground was really cool and decided to document this by creating a Google account and a Google+ account both named "ThePitOfAwesome," of which the only content would be a picture of this hole and a post about how cool it was

10(a). I was about to post to Google+ until I realized that this would make me expose my actual identity to the world and decided it was for the best that I did not do this

10(b). I deleted this Google+ account yesterday because I was worried I would forget about it and later find out I had posted a picture of ThePitOfAwesome to my actual Facebook account

11. I got a new prescription for glasses this year and this morning was the first time I got to wear my new glasses to go outside and when I got up from the dinner table my dad asked if I wanted some water and I said "Yes, I'd like the water" (as opposed to "I'd like water") and my dad's response was "You know, you're talking like someone with glasses on now, it's so obvious" and my mom's response was "Well, duh"

12. When I was 6 or 7, I was playing with my little brother in the living room and I said something was "kind of green" and my dad said "that's just a stupid thing to say, no color is just 'kind of green.' 'Kind of green' doesn't exist" and I remember being really angry and saying something about how I would prove him wrong but realizing that I couldn't, because you couldn't have a color which was 50% green, 50% yellow, etc. The next day he finally caved and said "fine, greenish yellow does exist, whatever"

[its-rat-time-babey]

Characters I think are aroace:

Lilith.

Steve

Willow

Hunter

Reasons I think they’re aroace.

Lilith is canonically aroace so I don’t need to explain anything.

Steve gives me major aroace vibes, plus that one scene where Steve sees the two ladies together and cries. I get more into detail about that in a bit.

Willow has never actually shown any interest in relationships during the show. Hunter has blushed around her, yes, but Willow herself has never shown any signs of attraction to anyone, including Hunter. No blushing around anyone, no references to crushes, nothing at all. Plus I just like the idea of aroace Willow.

Hunter is aroace because I said so. Plus Hunter being aroace while Wittebro obviously was not gives us a bit of fridge horror once you realize that Belos may have made all his grimwalkers unable to feel romantic or sexual attraction towards anyone on purpose because his brother’s original “betrayal” was falling in love with a witch, and by making his all his grimwalkers unable to feel attraction towards anyone he’s making sure that none of them ever betray him the same way that his brother did. I certainly wouldn’t put it past him. Yes Hunter does blush around Willow, but I’m headcanoning that as a squish. He likes Willow, but not in a romantic way. It’s Queerplatonic attraction.

They all give off big aroace vibes.

Additional headcanons:

None of them know that they’re aroace. None of them even know that being aromantic and/or asexual are possible. None of them know that the others don’t feel attraction either. They all think that they’re the only ones that don’t feel romantic or sexual attraction towards anyone.

All of them have different feelings regarding their lack of attraction to anyone.

Lilith is mostly just confused over why she doesn’t find anyone attractive. She is fully aware that she feels no attraction towards anyone but doesn’t know why. She also wasn’t really aware of the fact that she’s never felt attraction towards anyone until recently. She never really gave it much thought as a child and she was too busy in the emperor’s coven to even consider it.

Steve is a mix of frustrated, sad and confused over it. He wants to find people attractive because that’s what everyone else does, but no matter how hard he tries he just can’t find anyone attractive and he views himself as broken as a result. The harsh, dog eat dog environment of the emperor’s coven where anyone considered weaker or lesser than the rest is thrown out and replaced just made these thoughts worse. That’s why he was crying at the sight of the two old ladies together. He sees them in a happy, committed relationship while he can’t feel any attraction towards anyone without even knowing why.

Willow doesn’t really care. Unless someone actively asks her if she’s ever been in love, she never really pays any attention to her lack of attraction and even when someone does ask her stuff about love she just replies with something along the lines of “I’ve just never really been interested in that stuff.” and leaves it at that. She’s never really questioned it either. She just ends up going “I’ll probably fall in love someday” and then never thinks about it again.

Hunter absolutely hates it. Just like the others, he has no idea that being aromantic/asexual is possible, but that fact is affecting him more than it affects the others for one major reason. Hunter has spent his entire life in the emperor’s coven hearing about how “love is what makes you human” and how important love is and now that he’s knows that he’s a grimwalker, he’s started to associate his inability to fall in love with the fact that he isn’t a witch. He’s heard the phrase “Love is what makes us human” thousands of times throughout his life, and now Hunter has started seeing his lack of attraction as a constant reminder that he isn’t human. Being raised in the emperor’s coven definitely didn’t help either. He’s chasing that “crush” he has on Willow because he doesn’t know the difference between platonic attraction and romantic attraction and desperately wants to feel romantic attraction towards someone because as far as he knows, everyone else is not only able to, but expected to. He DOES like Willow as more than a friend, but he can’t imagine himself in a romantic relationship with her. It’s QPA.

Broke: Huntlow. Woke: Queerplatonic Huntlow.

[mostlycompetentwriter]

Wow, he’s hot

“Pairing: Fem!Reader x Seo Changbin (SKZ)

Word Count: 8K

Genre: Neighbors to Lovers? Lol

Warnings: Aged up characters (Changbin is ten years older than the reader), explicit sexual content, language, drinking

Summary: You were a fresh college graduate, returning home for the summer before starting a bright, shiny new position in the city, but you certainly weren’t expecting to fall hard for your neighbor. 

A/N: I hope at least one person gets my reference/pun at the end....But seriously? Oh, what have I done...

Your roommate was hungover again, dressed to the nines in a purple bathrobe and pink fluffy slippers as she attempted to move huge boxes of random shit between her bedroom and the foyer of your shared apartment. 

It was priceless entertainment, at least in your opinion, especially after witnessing your roommate in rare form the previous night dancing from one frat boy to the next, draining entire bottles of alcohol like she needed the liquid encouragement. 

From what you had observed, she was determined to embarrass you at all costs, and under normal circumstances, you could’ve avoided her rather inappropriate behavior in exchange for your regular hook-up, Joshua. But he decided to remain mysteriously absent for the entire evening, which meant that you had been stuck watching over your roommate, hoping that she wouldn’t get you kicked out again....

“I know what you’re thinking, Y/N,” Laura huffed, pausing next to the counter-top where you sat. “What did you expect? It was my last night of freedom before going back home.”

“Yeah,” you snorted. “It was mine too, but I wasn’t plastered face-down in the shower last night.”

“Whatever,” Laura grimaced. “Did you sign off on the lease yet?”

“I did it earlier,” you replied. 

“Our bitchy landlord’s been complaining all week,” Laura said. “I’m tired of her late-night phone calls, plus my mom’s been really annoying about the move.”

“Oh?” you questioned. “When is she coming?”

“In like an hour,” Laura huffed. “Why do you think I’m busting my ass to pack everything?”

“I don’t know,” you said. “Maybe you needed a distraction from thinking about puking in the bushes behind the frat house last night.”

“Oh, shut up about that!” Laura hissed, slapping your arm as you kept laughing. “Isn’t you brother coming tomorrow?”

“Ugh, yeah,” you groaned. “He said he has to come super early because of work, but my ass doesn’t start functioning until at least 8:00.”

“Well, at least tell Chan ‘hi’ for me,” Laura said, giggling like a love-struck teenager because she had been infatuated with your older brother for years.

“If I remember to tell him,” you grumbled, stretching out your arms and deciding that it might be useful for you to start packing as well, especially since the most you would be able to accomplish tomorrow morning at the ass crack of dawn is following Chan around the apartment in a zombie-like state as the two of you loaded your belongings into his car.

“Don’t forget that I’m coming to visit next week,” Laura said, and you perked up a little at the idea of having your friend come around, especially since the two of you had just graduated together and those long days and nights of being glued together at the hip were coming to a bittersweet end.

“Sounds good,” you agreed, checking your phone one last time to see a weird gif from Chan (as you had come to expect from him) before joining your roommate in packing up the remainder of your former college life.

Chan had always been prompt when it came to his familial obligations, and the two of you spent two hours loading all of your stuff into his car before starting the long drive to your old childhood home. A place that you hadn’t ventured to since leaving four years ago to start undergraduate school.

“Looks the same,” you remarked, sunglasses perched low on your nose as you allowed the window to roll down to take in some fresh air.

“What did you expect?” Chan asked, humming away to whatever shitty metal song he had playing over the radio.

In a totally random and last-minute decision, you had decided that for the next three summer months while you were stuck in an in-between phase, you were returning home for a while before you were set to move into a new apartment in the city close to where you would be working full-time. It seemed logical to save money, and there was a small part of you that did miss your family and old friends. 

Of course, despite Chan’s dismissal of your earlier nonchalant comment about the unchanging surroundings of your hometown, you were startled when you realized that the old house next door, which used to be occupied by an elderly couple until they moved away during your senior year of high school, was missing it’s familiar ‘for sale’ sign in the front yard, and there was a black Mustang in the driveway.

“Home sweet home,” Chan sighed when he stopped in the carport attached to your former two-story staccato, opening the door with a grumble. 

You frowned, following him around to the back of his car. “Someone bought the house next door?” you asked, dragging your eyes away from the sleek, shiny sports car to look at your brother.

Chan grunted as he heaved your suitcase from the trunk. “Yeah, they moved in last month. I think the owner is a lawyer and he lives there with his daughter.”

“Huh,” you remarked. “That house has been vacant for years.”

Chan shrugged. “Yeah, well, the guy who lives there now is really nice. Mom and dad babysit for him a lot when he’s working.”

“Great,” I muttered. “They’ll rope me into helping.”

“S’ not so bad,” Chan said, growling in frustration when your suitcase fell over to the side with an unpleasant crash. “Can you help or what?”

You laughed at your brother’s outrage, reaching back to pull your hair into a messy bun. 

Meanwhile, you noticed the front door of your house opening from the corner of your eye, smiling when your mother shrieked and rushed down the sidewalk to meet you halfway in a long-winded embrace. “Y/N!! I’m so glad to see you.”

“You’re crushing me,” you heaved through constricted lungs, accepting your mother’s open arms even if it was a little over-eager.

“Oh! I’m sorry, dear,” she said, pulling back just enough to allow oxygen to circulate once again, but not enough to pull you away from her mushy kisses. “You look so healthy and beautiful!”

“Yeah, thanks mom,” you said, slowly beginning the untangling process of removing her arms from around you while Chan struggled in the background to carry your suitcase up the front steps. “I should help.”

“Of course!” your mom agreed, but a distant tug of curiosity had you turning back to look at the house next door once again.

“Hey? Do you know anything about the new neighbor?”

“You mean Changbin? He’s wonderful, darling. So polite, and his daughter is so funny.”

You wrinkled your nose, never having been a huge fan of kids. “Chan said you babysit for him sometimes.”

“It’s always nice to help someone out,” your mother tsked, and you could recognize her patronizing tone from anywhere. “Such a shame that he divorced his wife. Heard it was kinda nasty.”

“It’s not any of our business,” you reminded her.

“Oh, I didn’t say it was!” your mother sighed. “He doesn’t talk about it much.”

“Jeez, how much do you guys talk?”

Because from the sound of it, Changbin had to be as old as your mom to make this much of an impression. You grinned as you briefly imagined the two of them on the front porch drinking tea together and gossiping about the rest of the neighborhood.

“He’s far more friendly than Mrs. Jones was,” your mother remarked. “I think you’d like him, Y/N.”

“I don’t know about that...”

“Well, you’ll get the chance to meet him tonight,” your mother said, smile full and wide. “I’ve invited him over for dinner!”

Oh, great.

“Can’t wait,” you forced out between clenched teeth, rolling your eyes when your mom clapped her hands together before grabbing your hand to drag you inside, feeling only a distant shiver roll across your spine as you walked onto the porch as if someone was looking at you from afar....

Your mother was hardly the type to run out of conversation, and you eventually were forced to leave her downstairs to argue with Chan over some menial thing that he forgot to do for tonight’s big dinner while you trudged upstairs to find some peace.

Unsurprisingly, your childhood bedroom remained untouched, and you circled around the perimeter, studying old pictures of yourself playing sports and hanging out with friends. Fingers dusting over your collection of old trophies and high-school yearbooks that recalled long-ago days of feeling carefree - with the future wide-open in front of you for the taking.

But you were well off in the present, allowing yourself to indulge in the nostalgia of looking through old diaries and journals before your mother’s voice called you downstairs for dinner later that evening. “Coming!” you called back, pausing next to your mirror to check your reflection.

The smell of your mother’s cooking had your stomach rumbling from the hunger of only stopping once on the way home to eat cheap fast-food with Chan, and you forced yourself to walk like a normal person even though every instinct was screaming at you to find the source of that delicious odor.

You were nearly salivating at the idea of your mother’s homemade cooking, and your hand caught the rail of the bannister to turn the final corner, but the sounds of voices from below forced you to pause at the top of the stairs, eyes growing wide as you took in the sight of the unfamiliar man standing in your foyer, talking to your mother like they had known each other for years. “Oh, Y/N,” your mother said, and you shivered when the man turned to look at you. “Come meet our neighbor, Changbin. I think you’ll really like him.”

You held back a snort at the ironic comment because it only took you a few seconds to come to the conclusion that Changbin epitomized the phrase “just my type.”

He was on the shorter side, built like he had literally spent his entire life working out, arms bulging beneath his t-shirt and chest straining the material tight to his front. So much so that you could practically see his nipples through the fabric. 

His hair was jet-black, ruffled from the wind outside, and his eyes were equally as dark, lips contorted into a self-satisfied smirk that you found exceedingly hot.

“Hi,” you mustered without much thought, nearly tripping over your own two feet on the way down the stairs.

“This is my daughter, Y/N,” your mother said, inviting you closer so that you were standing directly in front of Changbin.

“Nice to meet you,” he said in a deep voice that was slightly rough around the edges.

“Y/N just graduate from college,” your mother gushed. “We’re so excited to have her back.”

“I’m home for the summer,” you explained, shivering at the dark look in Changbin’s gaze. “I’m starting an internship in the Fall.”

“Y/N will be working in publishing,” your mother explained, jumping in while you and Changbin continued to stare each other down - something intense and provocative.

“Really?” Changbin asked, eyes making a leisurely stroll of looking you up and in down in a way that had you feeling extremely self-conscious. 

“Oh! Give me one second to check something in the kitchen,” your mother said, excusing herself with a smile before leaving the two of you alone in the foyer.

You inwardly cursed your mother for leaving you both in an awkward silence. Say something!! You screamed to yourself.

“So,” you started, clearing your throat and forcing yourself to stop swaying back and forth. “Chan told me you practice law.”

“Yeah,” Changbin agreed, and you swooned at his crooked smile. “It doesn’t sound as interesting as your work.”

“I don’t know about that,” you countered politely, but Changbin was unrelenting.

“You looked surprised to see me earlier,” he remarked.

You swallowed hard. “Oh, well when Chan mentioned a neighbor with a kid, I just wasn’t expecting someone so....”

“Yes?” Changbin prodded, encouraging you to continue.

Someone so fucking hot, you thought to yourself, someone who was literally made inside my best fantasies, but those explicit thoughts belonged exclusively inside your head. “Young,” you eventually finished, and Changbin seemed disappointed for some reason.

“I’m 32,” he said, and your eyes widened perceptibly, realizing that he was ten years older than you.

“I would’ve never guessed,” you said. “I mean, not that it’s a bad thing-”

“It’s alright,” Changbin interrupted, and you were relieved to hear him chuckle. “I know what you mean.”

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I can be a little awkward.”

“No,” he shook his head, coming to stand a little closer. “I think it’s nice.”

Oh? What was that supposed to mean?

“I used to have a boyfriend who looked a lot like you,” you went on, freezing when you comprehended what you had just blathered without thinking.

But Changbin didn’t seem bothered at all. “I bet he wasn’t as old as me.”

“He was my age,” you said. “But I kinda like older men...”

Fuck. Did those words really just come out of your mouth?!

“Y/N,” Changbin said, and you trembled at the huskiness of his tone. “You should be more careful.” He leaned in then as if trying to keep whatever he was about to say a secret for just the two of you. “I can be a very dangerous man.”

“O-oh,” you stuttered, finding yourself two seconds away from literally melting at his feet when your mother suddenly re-entered the foyer with a dusting of flour across her chin. 

“Dinner’s ready!” she announced, and you were fleeing behind her without a second thought, escaping the intoxicating hold of Changbin’s presence before you did something you might regret.

For whatever reason, you found yourself sitting next to Changbin in the dining room for dinner that night. 

“I made chicken,” your mother said, gesturing to each dish sitting in a line down the center of the table as she explained tonight’s menu. But you were barely cognizant of what your mother was saying because the close proximity to Changbin was doing very strange things to your head.

“So, Y/N,” your father started when everyone had been served. “I hope your brother was helpful with the move.”

Chan rolled his eyes, but you grinned at your father’s words. “Yeah, I was a little out of it though because of the time.”

“Like I said,” Chan huffed. “I couldn’t get there any later.”

“Let the bickering commence,” your mother said. “Changbin, you wouldn’t believe the fights these two had when they were young.”

“I can only imagine,” Changbin said, and you were wondering how someone could be even more attractive by the sound of their voice alone.

“Do you still need us to babysit for you tomorrow night?” your mother asked. “We would be more than accommodating.”

“That would be great,” Changbin said. “I’ve got a late conference call.”

“It’s no problem,” your mother continued. “Your daughter is just the loveliest.”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Changbin replied.

“Y/N,” your mother said, catching you with a mouthful of chicken. “Changbin’s daughter is such a peach.”

You quickly forced down the food in your mouth when you felt Changbin’s gaze rest on you. “Oh? How hold is she, Mr. Seo?”

“She’s six,” Changbin said, and he shifted in his chair, causing your knees to brush together in a move that you knew wasn’t intentional, even if it didn’t stop your legs from wrapping together. “And you don’t have to be so formal with me, Y/N. Only my clients call me Mr. Seo.”

“O-oh,” you exhaled, reacting to the brief contact under the table, hoping that nobody else was noticing your strange behavior.

“Maybe Y/N could help watch Lucy when you’re gone,” your mother suggested, always the first to rope you into these things.

“Sure,” you agreed, even though the idea of pulling babysitting duty was less than appealing, and you could hear Chan snickering from across the table. He knew perfectly well your attitude when it came to kids. 

“I think Lucy would like that,” Changbin agreed, and you started to nod along until you felt Changbin’s hand move to your thigh.

Just that single move had your entire form frozen in place. 

While your mother continued talking about whatever subject caught her attention, you were left wondering how you should react to the very obvious posturing of Changbin’s hand moving decidedly against your bare skin.

“I’ll probably head back into town tomorrow morning,” Chan said. “I wasn’t able to get much work done.”

You knew it was a playful jab at you, but at that moment you were incapable of coherent speech.

“How is work, Channie?” your mother asked, just as ignorant as the rest of them to the situation unfolding beneath her table. “Anything interesting?”

“Not really,” Chan replied, and you nearly choked on the food you were swallowing when you felt Changbin squeezing your thigh. 

“Try to chew it first, Y/N,” your father chuckled, and you forced a smile which you hoped wasn’t as strained as it felt.

“What about you, Changbin?” your mother politely queried. “Anything interesting happening lately?”

“Maybe,” he said with a tone that was far too knowing.

“Hmmm?” your mother smiled. “You aren’t seeing anyone, are you?”

You knew the question was invasive, but Changbin handled it in stride. “I think it depends.”

“Sounds scandalous,” your mother joked, and you couldn’t have possibly been imagining it, feeling his fingers reach so high under the opening of your shorts that his fingertips touched the outline of your panties. 

You reached down to cover his hand with your own, bringing awareness to the fact that you weren’t ignoring what was happening, and he had every opportunity to pull back.

But he didn’t. In fact, Changbin’s light, playful touches only continued, and you were left reeling for what the intention could possibly mean.

Early the next morning, you were supposed to be cleaning the pool as a favor to your mother, but how could you be blamed for sneaking peaks at your neighbor working out in his backyard? 

“Holy shit,” you cursed under your breath, failing to do a very good job of pretending to be occupied with your current task while ogling the man across the lawn who was in the middle of another round of push-ups, biceps flexing while the rest of his body practically glowed under the sun. 

You knew it wasn’t a crime to permit the occasional glance, but your hardcore staring could certainly be qualified as spying at this point (especially in the direction of a lawyer) - making it blatantly obvious that you were very appreciative of the male form at the peak of performance.

Was Changbin seriously 32? And a father?

The questions boggled your mind, and in your distracted state, you clearly forgot to keep a firm hold on the handle of the pool’s leaf skimmer, huffing in annoyance when it splashed beneath the water.

It was enough to attract Changbin’s attention, and you were sure that your face was just as red as the towel draped over the back of your mother’s patio furniture when he stood to his full height before walking in your direction.

“Were you watching me?” Changbin asked, sauntering over to you with black mesh shorts hanging tantalizingly low on his hips, shirt foregone in exchange for a delightful sheen of sweat coating the skin of his thick upper torso in dripping rivulets. 

“Uh...” you trailed off anxiously, realizing that Changbin wouldn’t be stupid enough to fall for your half-assed excuses, especially after what had happened between the two of you last night. 

“You’re not planning on lying to me, Y/N?” he asked, raising one eyebrow in question.

“N-no, Mr. Seo,” you said, shaking your head quickly, barely keeping a firm grasp of your bearings as he abruptly leaned in closer, musk hanging heavy in the air between the two of you. 

“I told you not to call me that,” he said, lips lingering far too close to your ear for a simple neighborly exchange, and you could feel the body heat emanating from him in waves, holding you completely hostage as you briefly entertained the idea of falling to your knees right then and there. 

“What should I call you?” you asked instead, fisting your shirt between your hands because you were desperate for something to ground you in that moment. 

You could practically feel his smirk, holding in a gasp when his hand settled at the low dip in your spine, fitting into the space there as he pulled you tight against his front. “You can always call me daddy instead.”

Your heart skipped several beats at the scandalous words. Either that or you had just entered cardiac arrest.

But before you could muster a response, you found yourself leaping out of Changbin’s hold when the backdoor opened, and your mother was screaming out your name while waving like a maniac. “Oh!” she said when she realized that you weren’t alone. “I didn’t mean to interrupt!”

“We were just talking,” you quickly inserted, glancing at Changbin from the corner of your eye to see him smirking. 

For a while, the very strange flirtation between you and Changbin simmered down, and you tried your best to avoid him when you could, even if he made that very hard to do since he insisted on doing his morning workouts outside in direct line of your bedroom.

It was during the following week that you brought the divine glory of Changbin to your friend, Laura’s, attention, ushering her into your house when she parked on the side of street. “What the hell, Y/N?” she complained when you started practically dragging her up the stairs. “I’ve been driving for hours.”

“Oh, hush,” you said. “You’ll thank me later.”

“Thank you for what, exactly?” Laura questioned, but your response was to simply push her toward the window, standing side by side as you looked through the blinds.

“My new neighbor.”

“Holy fuck!” Laura gasped when she finally joined you, and you could only nod your agreement as the two of you continued to watch Changbin through two narrow breaks in your blinds, wondering how the image of your sexy neighbor simply mowing his grass could make you so wet. “That man is huge!”

“I think he does it on purpose,” you remarked, feeling your heart palpitate inside your chest when Changbin took a moment to pause his chore, reaching down to remove his shirt and tuck it into the waistband of his shorts.

Laura’s gasp was almost outlandishly laughable. “He’s ripped! Like, Sports Illustrated model worthy.”

“I would buy every last copy of that edition.”

“I’d even go a step further and tape the pictures to my wall.”

You both stopped to look at one another, nodding in your collective agreement. “Not here, though, my mom would freak.”

“Yeah, but how can your mom expect you to just ignore...that!” Laura exclaimed, gesturing wildly to Changbin. 

“She thinks he’s a fucking Saint, but I swear to god, Laura, he’s provoking me on purpose! The other night at dinner? He came over and put. his. hand. on. my. leg,” you said, emphasizing the last line with what probably looked like a comical widening of your eyes. “And he works out every morning in front of my bedroom? What the hell am I supposed to think?”

“No think,” Laura sighed dreamily. “Just enjoy the view.”

“Do you think I’m not?” you snorted. “I’m serious about him doing those things!”

“So what?” Laura grumbled. “Why are you actually worried that your fucking super model neighbor wants to make a few moves on you? I would be honored.”

“I’m not worried,” you huffed. “It just feels like he wants something from me.”

“Well, if it’s a good fuck, then send him all the signals you can, girl.”

“Really?” you muttered. “You know I suck with flirting. That’s why I only hooked up with Joshua at those stupid frat parties. He didn’t care that I was an awkward mess.”

“Well, neither will your neighbor,” Laura said. “Especially if he’s as interested as you say.”

You pursed your lips, considering her comment, but the sudden and unexpected sound of your door opening sent both you and Laura jumping nearly ten feet into the air as you hurried away from the blinds as fast as humanely possible to take up some form of normalcy.

No, mom, of course we weren’t staring at Mr. Seo.

“Girls,” your mother inquired as she walked inside, and you prayed that your mother hadn’t caught the two of you taking sly peaks at Changbin outside, but she seemed completely ignorant. “I have a question for you.”

“Hmmm?” you inquired, innocently enough, trying to act like the position that you had forced yourself into on the bed was totally not uncomfortable.

“Changbin needs someone to watch Lucy tomorrow night, but your father and I already made plans,” she said. “But I told him you would be more than happy to come over and help him out.”

You winced when Laura elbowed you in the side, giving you one of those looks that you knew quite well from countless nights of barhopping as sophomores. “Yeah, I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure you don’t,” Laura snickered, but you payed her no attention as you hurried to close the door behind your mother’s retreating form, breathing a sigh of relief to hear her walk back down the stairs.

In all of your years of existence, never had you questioned the appropriateness of an outfit to wear to someone’s place to babysit.

“Fuck it,” you eventually decided, settling on regular, well-worn jeans and a college t-shirt.

After all, it wasn’t like Changbin was staying for very long. He claimed he had something to do at the office, and you would be all alone inside his house with only his kid for companionship.

Still, after your conversation with Laura from the previous afternoon, you couldn’t help but feel more mindful about how he might look at you, and you forced yourself to wear your most professional smile when you rang the doorbell to his house, counting slowly from one until he opened the door.

“Hi, Y/N,” Changbin said, and you tried not to blatantly check him out; although, you couldn’t help but linger on the tight fit of his shirt across his pecs.

“Hello,” you nearly whispered, cursing your hormones as you followed Changbin inside.

“I actually have something to tell you,” Changbin said, leading you into the living room so that you could sit down while entered the adjoining kitchen.

“Oh?” you queried, as politely as you could, waiting for him to return.

It didn’t take him long, and you found yourself sitting up a little straighter from where you had made yourself comfortable on the couch. “So, I actually found someone else to watch Lucy,” Changbin explained, coming around to land next to you on the couch with two glasses of wine. 

“You did?” you asked, surprised and taken-aback. 

Why were you here then?

As if he could read your thoughts, Changbin smirked. “Thirsty?”

“Sure,” you agreed, taking one of the glasses and bringing the rim up to your lips. “I’m sorry, I just thought you wanted me to watch her.”

“I did,” Changbin said, and he seemed contemplative as he sipped his own drink. “But then I kinda wanted you for something else.”

“Something else?” you repeated because your mind was spinning those simple words in a thousand different directions, and you were only able to settle on one likely outcome when Changbin’s hand dropped to your thigh, reminiscent of your first dinner together from several evenings ago. 

He suddenly moved in closer to you, allowing you to smell the subtle cologne that he was wearing. “You’ve been watching me,” he said, and you shivered, feeling both hot and cold at the same time as you looked at him.

“S-sir?”

“Don’t play coy,” Changbin continued, and you found yourself observing the way his throat bobbed as he drank. “I don’t mind the attention.”

“You don’t?” you replied, a rather useless question considering the circumstances, and Changbin took your glass and sat both alcoholic selections onto the side table.

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” he asked, tracing little nonsensical patterns on the covered part of your thigh. “You’re a very beautiful girl.”

What. The. Hell?!!

“Mr. Seo, I don’t think-”

“Y/N,” Changbin interrupted, and you were so frazzled and disjointed by the sharp grip he took on your chin, forcing eye-contact that was so intimate, you could feel yourself grow a little bit wetter. “I told you not to call me that.”

It was the only precursor you got before Changbin was delving in, gripping your chin firmly as he connected your lips in a deep, sensuous exchange that had you reeling from the sudden 180 degree turn that the night had taken. 

In one word: everything was rough. Teeth meeting teeth, and tongues rolling in a messy glide against one another. Wet and warm. Silky and smooth. It was everything you needed in a kiss to get your gears turning, feeling your pussy positively throbbing in response.

“That’s right,” Changbin eventually said when he pulled the two of you apart - very much still in control. “We shouldn’t ignore this tension between us.”

“No,” you eagerly agreed, diving in once more for another earth-shattering kiss that rocked you to your very bones, taking the initiative to crawl into his lap, grinding yourself shamelessly against the tight bulge in his jeans while your fingers dug their way into his thick, dark hair. 

“Eager,” Changbin whispered between feverish kisses, keeping your mouths locked together at all costs, even if that meant growing a little bit light-headed from losing too much oxygen.

But you couldn’t get enough of him, not after all this teasing and tension. 

You didn’t care anymore, consequences be damned, and there wasn’t a single part of you opposing his intentional touches, giving him enough space to unbutton your jeans before sliding one hand beneath the waistband of your panties. In response, you moaned into his mouth, bracing your hands against his shoulders as he found the delicate folds of your pussy.

“Do you want me to touch you here?” Changbin asked, and you were feverishly nodding, sweat forming at the top of your forehead, trying your best to hold back your loudest moans when he slid right in with little resistance, moving his fingers around the inside of your cunt, stretching and filling you in a way that you imagined was nothing compared to what the thick cock beneath you could do.

But you would take anything from him, savoring the glide of his fingers since you were practically drenching him in sticky arousal, jerking forward every so often when his thumb pressed down a little too hard against your clit.

All the while, you could feel yourself start to break apart from the heated contact between the two of you, aching and wanting for the release that the look in his eyes told you he had every intention of providing.

And you were enjoying every bit of the journey to get there, bathing in his attention, groaning when his fingers curled up just right to tease your g-spot, and grinding down against the erection confined tightly in his jeans. 

Everything was suddenly so much louder, the sounds of his palm smacking against your cunt, fingers gliding through wetness, and the joined harmony of your combined moans and grunts. 

It was a rapid uphill ascent into the clouds, and you could feel him start to move even faster, pulling against the fabric of your jeans, and there was hardly any time for your mind to truly comprehend what was happening. Lost in a sinful haze of lust and divine rapture, wanting nothing more than to just lose yourself in Changbin.

Except he wasn’t letting you simply drown in the pleasure he was giving you, tugging at your hair to bring you back to the present, to the final string keeping your orgasm just out of reach. “You don’t think I haven’t noticed,” Changbin growled into your ear, keeping one hand tight around your waist to stop your squirming as he continued plunging his thick fingers between the tight walls of your pussy. “I see you looking at me because I want you to look.”

You moaned at the explicit expression of his desires, closing your eyes and returning your head against his shoulder, hips titillating according to the way he moved his fingers inside of you. 

“Cum for me,” he said, and you were more than willing to let go of everything, including the moans you had been trying to hold back, filling the house with the loud raucous of your screams as your orgasm snapped and unleashed a molten hot thrill along your spine.

You were gasping for breath, returning from the highest peak of satisfaction, but Changbin hardly gave you anytime to recover before he was removing his hand from your jeans and forcing you into the floor.

“My turn,” he grunted, and the sound of his belt unbuckling triggered some semblance of rationale, and you were practically salivating over Changbin’s cock, eyeing the red bulbous mushroom head and wondering how deep you could take him. “Well?” Changbin prodded, grabbing the base of his thick erection to brush it across the pout of your lips. “Open wide.”

You whimpered, but obeyed, allowing your tongue to stick out just enough to taste the drop of precum leaking from the tip. It was bitter and unappealing, but since it was from Changbin, you couldn’t resist trying more of him, going further and further down until you felt him at the back of your throat.

Your jaw was already aching from the extension, and a distant thought had you thinking, damn, you were gonna be sore in the morning. But it was completely worth it to hear him moan from above you, fingers tightening in your hair as you allowed him to set the pace, rolling you up and down his cock, tongue sweeping the sides and tip and digging into the little slit where you discovered he was the most sensitive. 

At the same time, you were all but humping his leg, desperate to get off again as he used your mouth for his own personal cocksleeve, hitting the back of your throat repeatedly, sending you gagging around his impossible length.

“You take cock like you were made for it,” he remarked, eyes glossing over in a way that had you feeling rather proud of your skills. 

It only lasted for a moment, and he abruptly held himself all the way down for one, two, three seconds until you were whining for him to let you free just long enough to take in another deep breath. 

“Finish me off,” he groaned, and you were working overtime to bring him to the edge, bobbing your head up and down the full expanse of his length, all gorgeous and velvety smooth skin. And you braced your hands against his knees, an anchor to reality, when he finally released down your throat, heavy and warm, causing you to nearly choke as you struggled to swallow every last drop.

“Good girl,” he whispered, petting your head softly as you whined and continued to rub yourself against him, jumping off the brink of orgasmic bliss right after him, allowing your head to fall down between his spread legs.

It was a quiet for a while as you both fought to catch your breath, but then he was moving again, rising from his position on the couch. 

You sat back on your heels at the jostling, whimpering when he stood over you with a menacing sneer, grabbing your face between his hands, forcing your gazes to meet somewhere in the middle even though you still couldn’t completely concentrate. But you were cognizant to at least understand his next words: “Lucy won’t be here tomorrow night, either.”

“Changbin,” you gasped, understanding the implications of his request and shivering at the effect they could still have on your worn-out body. 

“I’ll leave the door unlocked,” he whispered into your ear, keeping eye-contact as he brought his fingers still coated with your arousal into his mouth, sucking while you grew faint at the sight. Then, he pulled them free and knelt down to sear your lips together so that you could taste the riveting combination of your releases on his wicked tongue. 

You returned home that night in a daze, immediately heading for your room after assuring your mother that everything was totally fine with the babysitting, even if you probably appeared a little out of sorts. 

In the meantime, you landed on top of your bed with a sigh, opening your phone contacts to pull up Laura’s name, placing the call without any mind to the late hour.

She answered on the third ring with a curt grunt. “This better be good, Y/N.”

“Oh?” you replied with a nonchalant tone. “I thought you might be interested in hearing about my latest dick appointment.”

There was a sharp intake of breath on the other end. “You didn’t.”

“I did!”

“With your neighbor?”

You laughed at Laura’s shrill tone, rolling over onto your stomach with your feet dancing in the air behind you. “I totally sucked him off.” 

“Shit! How big is his cock?” Laura whispered over the phone as if anybody could possibly overhear your conversation. 

“Let’s just say he’s well-endowed.”

“You absolute slut!” Laura exclaimed. “Did he at least return the favor?”

“Oh, he’s a gentleman,” you explained. “He took care of me first.”

“Details!”

“He just fingered me,” you said, even as your mind sprinted with images and sensations; Changbin’s sultry gaze, defined muscles, and the burning desire he had planted deep in your core. 

“That’s hot though,” Laura said. “I can’t believe you actually did anything with him.”

“What? I told you he was sending me signals!”

“Yeah, but I was only halfway assuming that those signals might lead to his fingers in you!”

You couldn’t help yourself, laughing at Laura’s incredulous tone, and spending the next several minutes doing your absolute best to provide a heavily detailed play-by-play of your evening tryst with Changbin. 

“Lucky bitch,” Laura scoffed at the end of your long-winded tale. “I’d kill for someone to fuck me.”

“Well, we haven’t gotten there yet...”

“Yet? Are you planning to go back to him?”

“Obviously,” you said. “There’s unfinished business that I need to take care of.”

“You think he wants to fuck you?”

“I think he wants to do a lot to me,” you purred, smirking at the sounds of Laura’s outlandish squeals from the other end.

Still, you didn’t think those explicit fantasies would come to fruition so soon. But the next night when you returned to Changbin’s house under the guise of babysitting his kid, there were no formalities between the two of you because you both wanted each other in a way that should be considered improper. 

Fortunately, you were tired of caring about other people’s opinions, and it only took Changbin a moment to pull you into his house before his lips were crushing against yours, holding you around the waist as he started working at your clothes.

If whiplash was a thing in moments like these, then you had it bad, trying to follow the taste of him as he backed you both into the bedroom, closing the door and enveloping you both in the gentle glow from the lamp.

“Get on the bed,” Changbin growled when he finally pulled away, reaching down for the hem of his t-shirt. You swallowed hard at the sight of his broad, toned upper form, stumbling backward along the floor, hopping on one leg to finish removing your jeans for him, leaving you completely naked as you lowered yourself onto the mattress. “Good girl,” Changbin cooed, and you shivered at the huskiness of his voice, rubbing your thighs together in anticipation as he blatantly traced the outline of his cock through his jeans.

“Changbin, please,” you panted, already so worked up from just kissing and feeling his hands all over your body that you were desperate for something more.

“What do you want, gorgeous?” he asked, walking slowly around to the front of the bed as you watched him with eager eyes.

“Want you to fuck me,” you said, heart thundering against your chest when he started working apart his belt, pulling down his jeans and boxers and allowing his thick cock to slap up against his abdomen, already so hard for you even though you had just started.

“Hands and knees,” Changbin ordered, and you were surprised by your quick compliance, supporting yourself on shaky limbs as you felt him climb on the bed behind you, tensing when the head of his cock grazed your wet opening. “Look at you,” Changbin rumbled, teasing you even more by running his fingers down your spine, allowing his other hand to reach around to grope your breast.

“Hurry,” you practically begged him, and it was like the metaphorical band had finally snapped, and you moaned when Changbin took a firm hold of your hips, manhandling you back into position. 

“Good girls say please,” he snarled, and your entire form light up at the abrupt command.

“P-please,” you stuttered, and there was an unholy line of curses that left your lips when he directed his cock inside, penetrating you so slowly that you could feel every inch of him until he was snug against your ass.

“Since you asked nicely,” Changbin chuckled, and you had never been so turned on before in your entire life, heart racing and blood pumping, bracing yourself against the mattress when he started thrusting, gentle at first, but then faster and faster as you egged him on, wanting him to go so hard that he split you in half around his cock. 

“Oh, fuck,” you gasped, struggling to maintain any sort of grip on the headboard. 

“You’ve been holding out on me,” Changbin purred into your ear, sounding perfectly put-together despite the fact that he was literally drilling his cock into you. “All those guys you’ve fucked before, I would think your pussy wouldn’t be this tight.”

“You’re just too big,” you managed, crying out when he grazed a sensitive spot. 

“Oh? Is that why this little pussy is leaking so much?” Changbin asked, and you had no response for him, clearly fucked out of all rational thought as his hips slapped against yours in a bruising meeting of skin-on-skin. 

It was undeniable: you had never felt this full before...like Changbin’s cock was somehow reaching all the way to your guts, and you reached down to place a hand over your stomach, imagining feeling the bulge of his cock against the distended skin.

“How does daddy feel?” Changbin whispered into your ear, and if it was possible for him to literally destroy you, then it would be from that heavily suggestive question.

“So good,” you sniffled, tears falling inhibited, leaving your face just as wet as the place where he was crushing himself into you, repeating the same motion of leaving just the tip before re-entering you with added urgency, cock forcing its way between the slick walls of your cunt. 

It was a beautiful melodic song after that (or, perhaps, hard metal would be a much better genre), the rhythm of his hips rolling against your own, hard and then softer, bruising and fleeting, stuffing your pussy on every upstroke, holding you in place by his pure strength. 

You could feel that strength everywhere, the force of his cock squelching between your pulsating walls, the way you moved up and down the bed by his control, and, when you reached back with one hand to feel his arm, the flex of his biceps as his arms worked to move you however he pleased.

“What will your mother say, Y/N?” Changbin asked. “When she finds out that her daughter fucked the man next door?”

Your mother would absolutely lose her shit if she found out that you were willingly spreading your legs for a divorced 32-year old man who had a daughter you were meant to be babysitting. She would be even more taken aback to discover that you loved and craved every second of Changbin’s cock tearing you to pieces, stretching you so good that you imagined that you would still be gaping in the morning, desperate to have him fill you again. 

“Her little girl screaming like a slut for me,” Changbin hissed. “Say my name, Y/N.”

“C-Changbin,” you whimpered, feeling him roll to a slower pace, merely grinding his hips in circles as if teasing you for the answer.

You flinched and nearly cried when he smacked the fleshy part of your ass, trying to look back over your shoulder to see what you had done wrong. “Try again,” he said, giving you a meaningful look that your poor, fucked-out brain still managed to decipher; although, you were burning in your own skin at the thought of saying it out loud....

“Daddy!” you moaned, and Changbin suddenly reached down to catch a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back and forcing your back into an even deeper arch. 

“That’s right,” he sneered. “And Daddy’s about to ruin this pussy, fuck it so full of my cum that you’ll still be feeling it when you go back home tonight to your parents and lie about what you’ve done.”

Your next moan was the loudest of the night, overwhelmed by the nasty things he was saying to you, feeling your orgasm gaining speed and traction the longer he kept fucking you, cock moving at a neck-break pace, and fingers wet and hurried over your clit.

The combined friction of his cock and fingers had you reeling, struggling to keep yourself up as he pummeled you into the mattress. Taking great liberties in the screams he was forcing out of you, realizing that if he angled his hips with one of your legs stretched higher around his hip, then he could somehow reach even deeper, kissing your cervix and threatening to steal the breath from your lungs. 

More and More. Faster and Faster. Until the breaking point was right under your nose...

The next thing you remember is a release that was so intense, you managed to black-out when it was all over, pussy fluttering around the distinct waves of pleasure, barely coherent as Changbin continued chasing his own release until he fulfilled his obscene promise to you. 

Three Weeks Later

You had gotten awfully good at keeping Changbin a secret - a dirty and scandalous whisper at that. 

For a while, your mother questioned your insistence on going over to your neighbor’s house to babysit, especially considering your history of being less than willing to interact with children.

“She’s not like most kids,” you lied, waiting for your mother to relent before grabbing whatever bag you needed consisting of your overnight clothes, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible when you walked over to Changbin’s house.

Your mother watched you, at first, standing on the porch as if ensuring that you made it the dozen or so feet separating your yard from that of your neighbor’s. Eventually, she gave up on trying to catch you doing something you weren’t supposed to, but you still kept up appearances, ringing the doorbell and taking a few steps to the side to leave enough room for the screen to rotate on its hinges, offering you the irresistible view of Changbin standing there in all his glory. 

“You’re early,” he remarked; although he seemed to take great pleasure in seeing you as early as possible.

“Is that okay?” you asked with a knowing look, and Changbin chuckled while giving you his most arrogant smirk. 

In return, you smiled back at Changbin, watching him open the door just a little bit wider in invitation.

It was all you needed before surrendering yourself to whatever delicious and mind-blowing ecstasy awaited on you the other side.  

Summer of 69 indeed.

[renegadewangs]

Van Zieks - the Examination, part 12

Warnings: SPOILERS for The Great Ace Attorney: Chronicles. Additional warning for racist sentiments uttered by fictional characters (and screencaps to show these sentiments).

Disclaimer: (see Part 1 for the more detailed disclaimer.) - These posts are not meant to be taken as fact. Everything I’m outlining stems from my own views and experiences. If you believe that I’ve missed or misinterpreted something, please let me know so I can edit the post accordingly. -The purpose of these posts is an analysis, nothing more. Please do not come into these posts expecting me to either defend Barok van Zieks from haters, nor expecting me to encourage the hatred. - I’m using the Western release of The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles for these posts, but may refer to the original Japanese dialogue of Dai Gyakuten Saiban if needed to compare what’s said. This also means I’m using the localized names and localized romanization of the names to stay consistent. -It doesn’t matter one bit to me whether you like Barok van Zieks or dislike him. However, I will ask that everyone who comments refrains from attacking real, actual people.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Let's bring this thing home! It's time for the conclusion of the essay series!

Conclusion With a stupidly long essay series behind us, it's time to look at what we've learned! Let's go back to Part 1 and review what we needed from Van Zieks's character development for a fully rounded redemption arc, shall we?

1) Present an antagonistic (possibly immoral) force who personifies Ryunosuke’s biggest personal obstacle/weakness, in this case racial prejudice. 2) Humanizing traits begin to show. OPTIONAL: A backstory to justify any immorality he has. 3) Over time, Barok has his realization and sees the error of his ways. 4) Barok atones for his immorality, not simply through apology but by taking decisive steps. 5) The cast around him acknowledges his efforts and forgives him.

And looking at the main game (plus additional dialogue), we have...

1) Antagonistic force:

Etc. etc. I have many of these. We can all agree that as an antagonistic force, he does his job quite well. CEO of Racism and White Privilege in the flesh. It works, since we as the audience get very frustrated and want to see him defeated.

2) Humanization:

Giving him an old friend to be a defendant was a brilliant move, really. Albert's reflection on the friendship and the person Van Zieks used to be really helped flesh him out and make him appear more like a human being with, y'know, emotions and weaknesses. The little snippets of dialogue in his office really help too. Presenting evidence can also lead to fun tidbits. All in all, considering how gruff and distant Van Zieks is, they really did their very best to humanize him. The writers were given very little to work with but they exploited every opportunity to come their way.

OPTIONAL backstory:

Again, I don't think we needed a tragic backstory to have a well-rounded, redeemable character. Still, it ties in very expertly to the game's plot and the motivations of quite a few other characters. The story of Klint van Zieks and his death isn't necessarily Barok van Zieks's backstory, it's the center of an intricate web which also holds Kazuma, Stronghart, Gregson, Jigoku, (S)Holmes, Mikotoba, Sithe, Drebber- I could go on. A LOT. So because of how very integrated it is into the main narrative's recurring themes and characters, I'll give it props for being relevant and well thought out. The bigger question is: Does it justify his immorality? Not entirely. I think the game could have gotten more out of this if they'd involved the other two exchange students in this tale just a bit more. They could have given more attention to how Jigoku's aggressive behavior in the trial impacted Van Zieks, and explained whether he might've suspected Mikotoba of sabotaging (S)Holmes's investigation. If the narrative had done that, all three Japanese people to come to London would have been ‘the bad guy’ in Van Zieks's eyes and it would have given more credence to his racial generalization. They could have also given more attention to how the people around him reacted to Genshin being the Professor, because I'm sure Stronghart and Gregson stoked the fire in terms of xenophobia. As it stands, there isn't really enough there to justify hatred of an entire race as opposed to just one person.

3) Realization/Redemption

We see him already start to realize the error of his ways around the end of 1-5, which is technically only about halfway into the full narrative. Unfortunately, thanks to 2-2 being played afterwards (but chronologically set before 1-5), any progress made in 1-5 can become invalidated in the player's eyes. Growth works best when it's done linear. Don't get me wrong, flashbacking to earlier times when a character is still more morally tainted can work well, but it needs to be executed properly. Barok's behavior in 2-2 is downright insulting towards the audience itself and therefore, it causes emotional friction when relaying the narrative endgoal of redemption. It also makes it extra jarring when we hit 2-3, and suddenly Van Zieks is meant to be relying on the protagonist's desire to expose the truth. How on earth can we as the audience trust that Van Zieks believes in Ryu's abilities when we just came fresh out of a case where this man actively sabotages Ryu's efforts?

Still, the line of redemption continues from 2-3 into 2-4 well enough. He admits that he was wrong- that his hatred was illogical and that he needs to change. This is the very definition of redemption. I need to stress once more this is not to be confused with atonement, which comes next.

4) Atonement

Here it is. It's not enough to simply acknowledge mistakes; one needs to work hard to fix them. Since Van Zieks is the defendant for two whole episodes, equaling roughly 20% of the full narrative and 67% of the time following his first true realization (chronologically), there isn't much that he can actively do to atone. Because remember, not only do these actions need to fit the situation he's currently in, they need to fit his personality. These two limitations ensure the atonement mostly takes the form of dialogue. Of apologies.

One might want to point out that he never apologizes specifically for his racism, but there's a reason for that. If you pay close attention, you'll notice that there isn't a single character who ever uses a word like “racism”, “xenophobia” or even “racial prejudice” in this game. It's for the same reason you'll never see an Ace Attorney character utter words like “alcoholism”, “drug abuse” or “depression”. These things may be implied very strongly, to the point where you'll know for certain a character is suffering from it, but it's never given these exact labels. It has to do with the tone of the game. In Great Ace Attorney's dialogue, Barok van Zieks is only ever described as holding “a deep hatred for Japanese”, which is then the only thing he could apologize for. And he does, so long as you aren't looking for a literal phrasing of “I apologize for my deep hatred of your people”.

Regardless, he can't take more active, decisive action until he's freed from prison and two scenes with Van Zieks later, the game has ended. He still manages to take two actions, though! The first is to publicize the truth of the Professor, taking the blame of the mass murders off Genshin's shoulders (and losing his own privilege in the process). The second is to take Kazuma under his wing as his disciple. I'm not certain there's anything else the narrative could have had him do. What is decisively missing, however, is the following:

5) Acknowledgment

The above aren't good examples of cast acknowledgment that Van Zieks is taking part in a redemption arc, rather, they're the best I could find. Characters are acknowledging that he's changing- that he's being kinder to them and they can get along with him now, but they're not acknowledging that he caused hurt in the first place. This, in my opinion, is the Great Ace Attorney's biggest narrative flaw. I've talked before about how Ryu's reaction to Van Zieks's racism is 'indirect communication', a typically Japanese manner of dealing with negativity. I've also talked about how Ryu is not in a position to speak up, as he's a literal minority who is there to represent his country in an official capacity and can’t afford to make enemies. However, characters like Susato and Kazuma are far more outspoken in their opinions, as is Soseki. The only one who ever calls Van Zieks out on his racism is the British judge, and even that is done very meekly. When an old crusty white guy is the one who condemns white privilege in a cast full of minorities, you've got a problem. The Japanese cast's refusal to acknowledge that Van Zieks's words were harmful is like Team Avatar telling Zuko that sure, he can join since he's a good guy now, but never once acknowledging that he burned down villages or betrayed everyone's trust in Ba Sing Se. There's something very vital missing, see? If indeed the cast had called Van Zieks out more actively on his harmful ways and how necessary it was for him to change, he in turn could have taken more atonement steps in response.

So, for the conclusion: Does Barok van Zieks tick all the necessary boxes for a complete redemption arc? Yes. In a very technical sense, all the requirements are there. But does that mean it's a successful arc? Not necessarily. The game has a few slip-ups, a few things not executed as well as they could have been. For that reason, whether the audience is satisfied with the arc is entirely up to them. Taking into consideration that they had to cram a whole lot of story into just two games- the second game in particular, I can acknowledge they did their very best with the limitations that were there.

And there we have it! That’s all I could think to say on the matter. I hope everyone who read this till the very end enjoyed it, maybe even learned a thing or two. I’m always open to questions, input and constructive criticism!

[confinedmadness]

ChroNoiR Moments I Love

I did not include anything from videos linked in my post on favorite ChroNoiR collabs.

I included moments where ChroNoiR isn’t together but the two of them are talked about or have some sort of interaction.

I included habits or things that both of them do repetitively.

Keeping this at 10 because if I don’t put a limit, I’ll end up linking every single video where ChroNoiR is so much as mentioned.

★ Kanae Immediately Understanding Kuzuha’s Message

This is from the 2019-08-18 Project Winter collab with Sasaki, Lize, Ange, Fairys, Tsukasa, Shiina, Kuzuha, and Kanae. Most of the time, when talking about ChroNoiR in this collab, people mention the match where both of them were traitors and perfectly coordinated to win. 

While that was great and exciting, my personal favorite ChroNoiR moment in this collab is when Kuzuha chilled Shiina, and Kanae, who saw that, immediately understood that Kuzuha was trying to tell them Shiina was a traitor. From Kanae’s POV, this is around 40:30, while in Kuzuha’s POV, this is around 40:45.

If you watch from Kuzuha’s POV, you can also listen to him just praising Kanae and saying how he knew if anyone were to understand it would be Kanae.

★ Kuzuha’s Perfect Kanae Impersonation

This is from a PUBG collab with Ran, Sentan, Kuzuha, and Akabane. When Kuzuha comments that the others’ impersonations of Kanae were off, they ask Kuzuha for an example of what a good Kanae impersonation would be. Kuzuha delivers with what is now one of his memorable lines 「SE方面敵いるよ葛葉」(”Kuzuha, there’s an enemy in the SE direction”), and the other three, as well as the comment section, erupt in excitement over it. It’s around 52:45 in Baneki’s video.

Later, in the last ChroNoiR.tv episode, Kanae says the same line at around 15:00 as Kuzuha and the comment section note that they’re finally hearing the real version. Kanae even includes the “kyaaaaaaaaa” reaction from the original collab above.

(Note: Kanae actually says 「方向」while Kuzuha said「方面」but the phrase means basically the same thing.)

★ Kuzuha Talks About Kanae Tweeting a Formal Apology

In his solo stream, one of the topics Kanae talked about with his viewers were gropers and their victims. Unfortunately, some people interpreted part of his words negatively, so Kanae took down the archived video later on and also posted an apology on twitter.

Kuzuha, in his own stream , laughed when he saw Kanae’s apology, saying that he’s sure it’s because Kanae said something easy to misunderstand again. (Timestamp: 11:20:38) When his own viewers explained what caused the buzz, Kuzuha said that he can’t believe this is what the VTuber world has come to, and says that if the internet pitchfork mob is after Kanae for something like this, then they should come for him as well.

Personally, I thought it was really nice that Kanae tried to understand why it isn’t easy for victims to call for help. Yes, he did say he couldn’t understand why they couldn’t do something that seems easy, but it’s also true that he discussed these and listened to his viewers’ explanations with what I thought was a very genuine desire to understand. A Japanese viewer even commented that as a victim, she was glad Kanae had this conversation. 

★ Kuzuha Blaming Kanae for Something He Said

Kuzuha mentions in his solo stream (1:03:03) that his image of guys who play guitar are those who like hitting women. Upon realizing that he said something that could be taken negatively, he immediately backtracks and puts the blame on Kanae saying, “it was Kanae who told me that, but he probably won’t remember.” (Kanae’s character is someone who supposedly has amnesia)

In Kanae’s solo stream (26:05), his own viewers let him know about what Kuzuha said. Kanae only said that “if Kuzuha says that I said so then maybe I did, but I don’t remember”.

At the end of their ChroNoiR Donkey Kong stream (2:05:55), as Kuzuha jokingly blames Kanae for various things again, Kanae brings up the guitarist line blamed on him. As Kuzuha emphasizes that Kanae is currently confused and asks him to talk to his lawyer, Kanae responds with a threat to sue him and the stream ends with Kanae saying “see you at court”. This last interaction was especially funny for me.

★ ChroNoiR Introducing Themselves as Each Other

In ChroNoiR collabs, Kuzuha and Kanae frequently introduce themselves as each other. I just find it cute, especially when they both make fun of each other during the impersonation.

In one of these instances, Kanae tries mimicking Kuzuha’s introduction line but accidentally says 「ヴァンパイア吸血鬼葛葉です」 (Literally “I’m vampire vampire Kuzuha”) instead of the actual 「吸血鬼VTuber葛葉です」(”I’m vampire VTuber Kuzuha”). Unfortunately, I can’t find the original stream when he said that.

In an ARK collab (7:20:15), when Kanae successfully introduces himself as Kuzuha with the correct introduction, Kuzuha notes that he got it right this time. More recently, during their 2020 Christmas collab (0:27), Kanae once again introduces himself as Kuzuha using the wrong version (this time seemingly on purpose).

★ Kuzuha is 7 Hours Late; Kanae Gets Strawberry Au Lait

At their 2018 Christmas collab, Kuzuha is 7 hours late to their agreed meeting time (1:35). Later on (6:20), when Kanae says that wants one of the 3 cups of strawberry au lait that Kuzuha has, Kuzuha didn’t want to give one to him but relented in the end because Kanae reminds him that he was late. Because of this, Kanae is sometimes referred to as “the man who forgave 7 hours of lateness with a cup of strawberry au lait”.

★ Kanae Praising Kuzuha’s Singing

Kuzuha mentioned before that he doesn’t like singing in front of other people because of a previous experience where someone he called “Mysterious Mushroom Man” corrected his singing while they were in karaoke. So I actually love the times when either Kuzuha or Kanae mention that they went to karaoke together. 

My favorite is this moment in one of their Apex collabs where Kanae mentions this one song Kuzuha sang in karaoke that he considers his favorite among the songs Kuzuha sings. Kuzuha admits that he was happy to hear Kanae tell him his singing was good, and that he ended up singing that same song a lot in karaoke since then. It’s around 1:38:10 in Kanae’s POV and around 1:36:14 in Kuzuha’s POV.

★ Kuu-chan and Kanakana

Kanae sometimes calls Kuzuha “Kuu-chan” in order to tease him. This happened more often early in their careers, but still happens every now and then. Aside from the cute name, there is also the fact that Kuzuha will always reply with「やめろその呼び方」(”Don’t call me that.”) like clockwork.

Kuzuha doesn’t allow anyone to call him Kuu-chan. In fact, the only one in Nijisanji he has given explicit permission to use -chan with his name is Moira who calls him Kuzuha-chan. On the other hand, Kanae is called by a lot of nicknames, both by his collab partners and his fans. The most common one is Kanakana.

During one of Kanae’s chat streams (18:49), one commenter asked how he would react if Kuzuha called him “Kanakana”. In response, Kanae says that he probably wouldn’t be able to take it *insert disgusted noises* and just die on the spot. 

I find it so cute they hate the nicknames, especially from each other. And personally, while I love Kanae teasing “Kuu-chan”, I do adore the fact that they call each other by name.

★ "Because it’s Kuzuha”

This is from one of the CR cup practice matches when Kanae was part of Kanaminto (Kanae, Admin, Kamito). When Kanae’s party encountered Kuzuha’s, Kanae asked for time from his team to execute the finishing move on Kuzuha (1:25:03). “Because it’s Kuzuha”. Hearing the reason, his teammates immediately agreed as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.

During their team practices, Kanae did in fact tell his team beforehand that he would like to perform the finishing move if they encounter Kuzuha. It was so cute how excited he was to be able to actually do it.

★ Kuzuha Not Realizing that Kanae was Streaming

This apex stream is definitely one of the most memorable even just for the fact that Kuzuha was unaware that Kanae was streaming for a whole 30 minutes. Kuzuha joined the voice chat at around 27:25. When Kanae informs him that he’s streaming, Kuzuha asks to confirm that he really is streaming, but mishears Kanae’s answer「うん、そう」(”Yeah, I am”) as「嘘」(”That was a lie.”).

They continue to talk, with Kuzuha mentioning some unusual food preferences among others, until finally at 1:00:25, Kuzuha realizes Kanae is streaming when Kanae tells him about something from the comment section. The sudden change in Kuzuha’s energy was amusing to watch. It was probably partly due to the shock because Kuzuha mentioned he was just about to talk about confidential matters right around the time he finally realized.

.

.

♥ ChroNoiR ♥

[dadsbongos]

Alright, so, I'm well aware that the antag series revolves around her and Hajime, but I kinda wanna know more about her relationship with Nagito, Mikan, and Kazuichi during the tragedy and after the neo world program

I'm really hooked to this series, but can you blame me lmao-

i can’t blame you nonny, antag reader series is literally all i think about anymore, literal brain rot. this is basically just like?? a character analysis essay type thing? i’m so sorry it’s so long, i just got soooo into it

Request for: antag reader (Mikan Tsumiki, Kazuichi Souda, Nagito Komaeda) Warnings: despair things, face swap mention, spoilers, manipulation and bad friending :( ~~~

Mikan Tsumiki (and like a pinch of Junko Enoshima):

The Tragedy: So basically the whole thing with (Y/n) is that her parents were just so overcritical to the point where it rooted her complex and felt like they never loved her, right? So basically, Junko was able to attack that by showing her the bare minimum affection and introducing Mikan into the mix, who was in a similar boat with being unloved. Junko made them both feel as though she was the best love they could ever have and then made them compete for it at any opportunity she could.

Mikan always loved Junko but she doesn’t love (Y/n) the same way and vice versa, despite that, they do both care for each other very deeply. They desire no relationship in each other and even view each other as rivals who happen to find somewhat of a friendship together. Mikan thinks, and always has, that (Y/n) is much more talented and worthy of Junko than she is. However, (Y/n), being deeply insecure far below the surface - never stopped thinking that Mikan was more beautiful and worthy of Junko than she was.

They find both comfort and hatred in each other due to Junko making them act as competition. They both know the pain of Junko’s rejection but they also both know that if the other was out of the way, they could have Junko all to themselves.

When (Y/n) found out Mikan took Junko’s womb, it was a betrayal due to the fact that she didn’t know beforehand, Mikan had never said anything about taking Junko’s uterus. And on top of that, she found out that Mikan had tried conceiving a despair child during their separation. Even though neither of them loves each other, they know their relationship can be viewed as lovers - they often view it as such themselves - and so, (Y/n) felt as though Mikan had cheated on her. She basically had. Even so, she still knows that nothing could make her hate Mikan, she doesn’t love her as she did Junko, but she loves her more than any other woman she’d ever known. Mikan is the only grounding she’s ever known and the only person to ever relate to her on such an intimate level.

Going back to the feeling of Mikan being prettier than her, (Y/n) stole Junko’s face entirely because of that feeling of inferiority. She never told Mikan because she was ashamed to admit that she was insecure, it would make her imperfect to be insecure.

Overall, she’s never loved Mikan as a girlfriend but they’ve always been all the other had during The Tragedy despite their ‘rivalry’ and insecurities surrounding the other.

After Neoworld: (Y/n) is definitely nervous to be around Mikan because of their history with each other and Junko. Before Mikan wakes up from the program she’s constantly worried about if the nurse will hate her or be disgusted by her. The way Mikan had treated her right before her execution hinted at some tenderness buried beneath discontent, but that could always change. When Mikan wakes up she immediately looks for (Y/n) on pure instinct.

They definitely try to help each other heal and cope with Junko’s manipulation and lies. They both have come to realize that Junko never loved either of them and they didn’t love each other - any of the comforts they had gathered in The Tragedy was a lie and they help each other through that realization.

“You’re more than what she made you.” is a common phrase between them because they know she only made them compete for her own entertainment and their despair.

It was cruel and they have to live with every emotional and physical scar from that time. But they still have each other.

Any sense of rivalry has dripped away from their bond and is now wholly intertwined by genuine friendship and connection. By their experiences and how they’re growing away from Junko and into themselves. Eventually, all their conversations stop being about Junko and healing and start being about a pretty shell Mikan found on the beach. Or how the water looks so inviting, they should go for a swim.

Or how the chairs need repainting.

Or how some flowers outside the front door would be lovely.

Or how good breakfast was this morning.

Kazuichi Souda:

The Tragedy: Kazuichi wasn’t as “enamored” with (Y/n) as he was Sonia, but he respected her Ultimate and higher intelligence enough to also refer to her as ‘miss’ when they went to school. Though he largely stopped calling her ‘Miss (Y/n)’ during The Tragedy he still respects her a lot and is even a little scared of her sometimes. Again, she’s way smarter than he is - she’s not a super genius like Izuru but she’s a smart cookie and he’s not so delusional to think he’s near her in intellect. So the fact she can copy his Ultimate status and be smarter than most people in their class is quite intimidating for him at times.

Because of the confidence she projects and her charisma and, again, higher intelligence than his, he often follows her word and example without much thought. Like if he saw her jump off a cliff, he would probably go along with it because he knows she probably has some plan to get out of the situation safely.

(Y/n) views Kazuichi sort of as a little brother - but one that follows you around like a puppy and always bugs you. She doesn’t expect much other than blind support from him and kind of accepts that he’s her “sidekick” so to speak. They didn’t view each other as equals or even true comrades - (Y/n) was always just better and that went unquestioned. She definitely used him to gain without putting much thought into the long-term of their relationship.

After Neoworld: Kazuichi had regained his memories in chunks as they left the program and at least could recall being so-called friends with (Y/n). When they awoke, they didn’t talk to each other that often since Kazuichi was extremely bitter about how she’d treated them all in the program (and him as a Remnant) and so she was left alone with Hajime.

It’s only as she actually begins healing and expressing more humane traits that he starts talking to her again. Neither apologizes for anything specific, they just aren’t those kinds of people and both parties can let it go easy enough - they’d both done horrific things and they know that. He invites her into his warehouse to take apart the Monokumas, he offers to go on walks along the beach with her - he finds it nice to be in her presence again.

Because even after what they’d been through, I feel like he does still deeply respect her due to her talent. He just also has gained more confidence in himself while in the program and therefore has more sense to not let her control his actions. Which, he finds that she hasn’t tried doing and that always encourages him to keep coming back.

Kazuichi thrives on positive feedback and (Y/n) knows this, so every time she can she’s expressing how much he means to her as a dear companion - both of them being hesitant to actually label themselves friends. Especially Kazuichi, who had already been hit by poor friendship and trust issues, remembering that (Y/n) used him during The Tragedy makes his brain go fuzzy on how he feels about her. Sometimes he’s angry and other times he forgives her wholeheartedly because he knows she’s sick and he wants her to be able to maintain the friendships that he’s able to.

I think it’s after she apologizes to everyone, pre-Nagito waking up but post Gundham and Nekomaru, that he really just lets go of everything.

It’s not easy to forget that he was just her tool but he knows that she’s better now and they start hanging out more often, by themselves, having a good ol’ time talking about absolute nonsense.

Respect turns into admiration.

Nagito Komaeda:

The Tragedy: So I’d already mentioned that (Y/n) influenced him into becoming Servant, but I wanna expand on that before digging into anything else. At heart, Nagito is a people pleaser to the Ultimates, and none more than the copycat who can master pretty much anything she wants. During their school years, she didn’t see anyone as her equal and that resonated with Nagito’s inferiority complex and while she hates people who have no confidence, she would hate to be like everyone else more. So she kinda just accepted the servitude that came with befriending Nagito on the first day of school up until The Tragedy where he practically begged her to take him with her wherever she went.

She was the first one to really hold onto his chain, both literally and metaphorically. He joined the Ultimate Despair with Junko to create a despair to overcome, but only (Y/n) was allowed to actually touch him - or else he started throwing a huge fit. 

In order to spread despair and crush Nagito’s everlasting obsession with hope, she probably intentionally ignores and neglects him when he needs her.

This largely means when he’s mourning/remembering his parents and dog or his illnesses or when he’s falling into despair and needs her to pull him out, she’s just watching and doing nothing.

In fact, when Nagito had brought up his plans to join the Warriors of Hope he was really hoping she’d speak against it, and she didn’t. She actually encouraged it. Pushing him to leave her alone and join the WOH. It hurt, of course, it would, but he left all the same and they hadn’t spoken since despite their ‘friendship’. (Y/n) never bothered going after him, again to crush his love of hope. 

She left him unhinged, alone, sick to fend for himself until he found the WOH, and even when he found them - she didn’t seem to care whether they let him live or killed him.

After Neoworld: Honestly? To say that she mourns Nagito, and her entire relationship with Nagito, is a huge fucking understatement. Especially as the others begin waking up and Hajime helps her grow, she just gets more and more depressed over her situation with Nagito. And as he takes longer and longer to wake up, she begins to accept that she was horrible to him and doesn’t deserve his forgiveness.

Before The Tragedy even, since they’d met. She always treated him with as little human respect as she could - she did it with everyone but especially him. He was basically just a little errand boy she liked to talk to and she didn’t treat him as more. During their time in despair, she was barely around for him, only holding him together when the others pushed her to do it because he was being annoying. She was so awful to the man she always claimed was her closest friend. And she wants him to hate her for it so bad.

Then he wakes up and he sees her and he smiles. He could never hate her and it only makes her feel worse.

Nagito sees how much she’s changed and he begins changing too, she tells him about how Hajime has helped her so much and he begins to follow her around with Hajime. She’s worried he’ll consider himself her lapdog again but it’s cleared up when he doesn’t run to her side one morning out of the few left before they leave.

In fact, it’s when he doesn’t speak to her for hours on end she realizes that every interaction they had was under his free will and choice. 

He doesn’t do her chores for her. She doesn’t watch him fall apart silently. They talk like friends do. Not about how talentless people are worthless or how hope is all that matters but about how they can’t wait to rebuild their favorite hangout spots and make better memories there together.

They sort of have an unannounced “restart” where they just wipe the slate clean, mostly on (Y/n)’s part so she can treat Nagito how he deserves. As a true friend rather than a pawn.

[ghost-wonder]

Why Oliver March is My Current Top Suspect for the Leader (Even though I love him)

Buckle your seatbelts kids and get ready for my hot mess of a PH theory. I wasn’t sure where to put this and I just wanted to get my thoughts out. I’m in the last year of my media studies and production degree so I’m putting my 3 years of tears to use and have been brewing this theory since reading 85. Now let me clarify: I adore March, but the more we see, the more suspicious I become (especially with ep. 82 & 85), and while many think this may mean death or something tragic, I’ve been thinking of the possibility it’s something much bigger (Note: lots of speculation here so prepare for a lot of what if’s and I’m only using content up to ep. 85).

My thought process regarding the leader:

The leader is a rather dehumanized villainous entity. With them being anonymous and the reader not having a face to place with the actions, it’s easier for us to take the leader’s actions at face value. We are provided no means of sympathizing or empathizing with their actions and instead, our story follows characters who have been traumatized by said actions.

Therefore, to provide readers with the greatest impact, the leader would likely be a character who up until the discovery of them being the leader, the reader viewed them positively. A character already humanized. Already trusted. And this would be both in terms of how the reader views that character, as well as other characters in the story. It would leave the reader reeling, trying to figure out why such a character would be the leader.

And keep in mind: PH has used this approach with Harvey; the audience liked him for the short time he appeared before being caprisunned and we were shocked to discover his involvement in the PS. Additionally, we’ve had characters dehumanizing and humanizing with Kieran. He’s introduced as this deadly assassin who kills brutally, with the greatest death toll in the PS. But he becomes humanized through his interactions with Lauren, so much so that both the reader and Lauren forget his occupation and are provided a chilling reminder in ep. 43. However, even after those horrible events, as we learn more regarding his character in season 2, we begin to empathize with his actions and reactions (though we don’t condone them). It demonstrates a duality, a mix of light and dark, seemingly contradicting one another. Because people are complicated.

This is also why I can’t buy into the idea that Tristan or Stefan is the leader, in fact, I don’t think either one is even involved with the PS. For Tristan I think he comes off suspicious because A) he’s meant to be a red herring but B) LAUREN’S PARENTS WERE APOSTLES AND YOU CANNOT TELL ME HE DID NOT KNOW. THEY LEFT AT ODD HOURS OF THE NIGHT ALL THE TIME AND LIKELY GAVE LAUREN TO TRISTAN TO PROTECT HER FROM THAT LIFE. HE PROBABLY THINKS LAUREN IS PS. But anywho. As for Stefan, he’s already been villainized through his treatment of William. The audience doesn’t like him for this reason and is then inherently suspicious of him because they dislike him. So for me, it feels too obvious. (I have an additional theory that he was involved with the print shop shooting, assisting Lizbeth (from what’s alluded in 64 with Lauren’s parents and 68) as chief of police but that’s for another place another time.)

What we know about the leader:

- It’s a he

- Has to be part of the older generation (would have needed to be an adult about 15 years ago)

- Was a member of SD

- Knew Lauren’s parents

- According to Hecate, he is closer and more similar to Lauren than she thinks

So why March? (It’s not just the villain scar)

- His speech to Kym and Will in 60 had me SUS. It felt very contradicting (he acknowledges the flaws in the system while saying they must continue their jobs, which is valid, but his phrasing was still off to me) and generally in any mystery drama if I see a character go on a moral rant of sorts, my sus radar is dialed up to 11. Unfortunately, we don’t know how much of it was true and lies because Lauren wasn’t around but if he is the leader I’d find it so fascinating if everything he said is the truth. The idea that this terrorist does have sound morals would be SO INTERESTING and kind of fitting? The leader having a strong sense of justice or strong morals would make him more similar to Lauren as Hecate said. But more on Hecate later.

- As confirmed by 85, he knew Lauren���s parents. He even says they worked together on cases. Through their work together, did they start to realize the flaws in their system? Was there a case that was just too much? SD formed?

- The death of his daughter does kind of fit the SD timeline. (She died in xx11 the pamphlets are dated xx14 but SD was likely formed slightly before the release of the pamphlets but that's not yet really confirmed). We don’t know how her illness killed her (could be class-related. Like because of their class status perhaps they didn’t have access to the resources that could have saved his daughter? Who knows. He said they did all they could. March is likely middle class similar to Kym but we don’t know for sure. And even if he is middle class we don’t know if this was always the case, like if he was middle class at the time of his daughter’s death.)

- Additionally the death of his wife. The date is blocked and as others have theorized I find it very possible it could have been SD related. But this sentence is chilling: “She fell into the bloody hands of criminals that have been plaguing Ardhalis for too long.” March doesn’t specify these criminals as the PS. So could he mean the royals? (Literally everything he says to Lauren in ep. 85 could have a double meaning and it bugs me so much like he never specifies the criminals he’s referring to. And everything he says sounds like the monologue of a villain who sees themselves as a hero because they haven’t realized how far gone they are. But that’s just me. ) If she died in the print shop shooting could this have been the catalyst to drive March to become the leader and start the PS? Losing your daughter and wife is a lot to take and could drive anyone over the edge. Point is: if any of this speculation is true, it would give March motive for becoming the leader.

- Also March mentioned how Lauren reminds him of his daughter which could then explain why Lauren hasn’t been touched by the PS cause at this point the girl should have been caprisunned a while ago if she wasn’t being protected from the inside.

- To build on that as well, if March is the leader then he has kept an eye on Lauren since she joined the force aka since she would have become problematic for the PS (cause you can argue being the daughter of apostles may not automatically make her a threat since she was a child at the time. But being the daughter of apostles and joining the police force to take down the PS? Now that’s an issue). March says in ep. 60 that Lauren was one of his recruits meaning the leader could have had his eye on her the entirety of her time in the APD. Just something to consider.

- And going back to Hecate's words, he’s more similar to you than you think. March and Lauren share (seemingly) similar morals and additionally he is close to her just as Hecate claimed. Also if any of my speculation regarding the deaths of his wife and daughter are correct it would have put him in a similar position to Lauren, the difference being her enemy is PS and his being the royals (but also as we’re starting to see with Lauren learning more information, I think the royals are starting to become an enemy in her eyes the same way PS is. Again if any of this is correct it just furthers similarities between the two).

- This could then also be the betrayal alluded to in the cards; one of Lauren's mentors has been the leader this whole time. The betrayal is either past or future but March being the leader could count as both. He betrayed her in the past by ordering the death of her parents and may betray her again in the future as he continues to play the role of leader

- Plus this would also mean the leader has been present in the story FROM THE VERY BEGINNING MARCH WAS IN EP 2 HOW WILD WOULD IT BE IF WE’VE KNOWN THE LEADER THIS WHOLE TIME

- AND IMPORTANT NOTE: WHY IS MARCH NOT ONE OF THE PEOPLE LAUREN SUSPECTS DURING EP. 82 YET HE HAS HER BACK SIMILAR TO WILL AND KYM. "LAUREN OPEN YOUR EYES" BLINDEST OF THEM ALL TYPE STUFF. (Also with Lauren being the blindest of all, it led me to believe anyone Lauren is suspicious of, is not the one to betray her. I feel like it would have to be someone so unsuspicious, Lauren doesn’t even think of them. Which can be said of March; we literally have a whole scene in ep. 82 demonstrating how close they are and how a level of trust exists. Yet panels later, it doesn’t even cross her mind that he could betray her).

Now possible flaws in this theory (there are more I’m sure but here’s a few):

-Why voice support for lune and their actions: Lune’s actions have yet to affect the leader (at least to our knowledge) and have technically been helping the leader. The leader views Apostle 7 as an issue so obviously whoever the leader is, they won’t take issue with Lune taking down this problem for them. When first telling Lauren about McTrevor, Kieran said he was surprised he hadn’t been sent by the leader to kill him off yet. And when the 11th precinct received that first Lune letter about him, March was the one to voice that they should follow Lune’s orders. If he’s the leader, this could explain why he wanted to follow Lune’s orders and dispose of McTrevor without PS means. This is a possible explanation anyway.

- Why send moles into the 11th precinct if the leader himself is already there: I boil this down to a matter of seeming less suspicious. Like why possibly risk the exposure of your identity if your organization consists of hundreds of potential puppets who are easily disposable?

-Why place the PH in the 11th precinct if the leader is there: Okay this plays into another theory I have regarding Kieran. We know there are boatloads of parallels between Lauren and Kieran which left me thinking Kieran has had a similar Tim Sake type incident. What I mean by this is that Lauren’s whole deal with Tim Sake was heavily guided by her personal anger and resulted in distrust from her superior, Hermann. I think Kieran had a similar incident with killing that one person without orders, in which his actions were guided by his personal anger and resulted in distrust from his superior, the Leader. So we know from 83 Kierans been overseas for a while (Why? Was there a mission or did the leader need Kieran out of Ardhalis? Both?) and his comment in 64 (“I wonder how much longer his patience will last”), as well as the comments made by Bella and the messenger at various points regarding Kieran following and not following orders (ep 5 and 72-73?), further my thinking that the leader may be SUS of his best player. So what do you do with someone you’re suspicious of: you keep them right where you can see them.

- The one flaw I have yet to work out an explanation for is why order the death of lune? Regardless of who the leader is, this is a question I’ve mulled over since the end of season 1. J’en sais rien mes amis mais on verra.

Closing Thoughts:

Hopefully, this didn’t sound like the ramblings of a sleep-deprived senior (even though that’s exactly what this is haha) and hopefully, it gave you some stuff to consider. Up until this point, I never spent much time contemplating the leader, partly because I didn’t feel like we were far enough in the story to have enough evidence against one person. While much of this is speculation, I still think it’s the soundest case I have for any PH character we’ve met thus far being the leader.

[waitimcomingtoo]

Oh My God, They Were Roommates

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: You’re tired of denying your relationship in every interview, but Tom insists on keeping it a secret. Lucky for you, he’s terrible at keeping secrets

Masterlist

Secretly dating Tom Holland was not an easy job. You were his on and offscreen girlfriend, no people naturally wanted you to be together in real life. Towards the beginning of your relationship, you both agreed to keep it private. You’d managed to deny relationship rumors for over a year until you discovered something:

You and Tom were really really bad at keeping it a secret. 

Far too many times, you’d do or say something that confirmed your relationship. And far too many times, you’d have to go on twitter to say it was a joke and that you and Tom were just friends. You hated lying to your fans about the nature of your relationship, and Tom wasn’t fond of it either. You didn’t want to lie anymore. You were ready for the world to know. And yet, the worst secret keeper in Hollywood was determined to keep it a secret.

It all started with social media.

You had stirred up rumors that you and Tom were dating when you dyed your hair red after being cast as MJ and posted a photo of it, captioning it “Face it tiger…”. Tom couldn’t help himself from commenting “I hit the jackpot.” The Spider-Man and MJ reference did not go over people’s heads and the rumors were born.

“This would be such a cute way to confirm our relation.” You smiled as your scrolled through the comments of your picture. “We should tell them.”

“Not yet, darling. I’m not ready for the world to know.” Tom said, much to your disappointment.

“Okay. No, I get it.” You gave him a small smile and kissed his cheek, dropping the subject.

A few weeks later, you sent out a tweet that read, “Tom just hit a pothole so hard that he’s American now.”, leaving fans to wonder why you were together on your day off.

“They caught us. They know we’re on a date.” You said from the passenger seat.

“Friends can hang out on days off. That doesn’t mean we’re a couple.” Tom replied and you looked over at him.

“But we are a couple.” You reminded him, a little hurt at his phrasing.

“They don’t need to know that. I wouldn’t even respond to it. Don’t feed the flame.” Tom shrugged and shot you a smile. You faked a smile back and nodded.

“You’re right. I won’t respond.” You put your phone down and looked out the window, hoping he couldn’t sense your disappointment.

Then, it escalated to interviews.

“Does your friendship ever interfere with shooting the romantic scenes? Like, were you ever shooting a cuddling scene or a date scene where you were grossed out because you had to do romantic things with your friend?” The interviewer asked. You couldn’t help but laugh at the irony.

“Was it weird to do romantic things with my friend Tom? That’s a great question.” You said and Tom laughed from beside you, also seeing the irony. “It was pretty weird since we are such good friends.”

“The best of friends.” Tom egged on.

“Definitely.” You gave an over exaggerated nod. “He’s like family to me.”

“Like brother and sister.” Tom added and you burst out laughing. Tom laughed at your reaction and suddenly, you’re both hunched over laughing while the interviewer watched with a confused smile.

“I don’t think it was weird.” You said after you calmed down. “I have such a respect for Tom and I really admire his work as an actor, and I assume he feels the same for me-“

“More or less.” Tom joked.

“-so it wasn’t too bad.” You finished and elbowed him slightly.

“Was the first time you kissed awkward?” The interviewer asked.

“In the movie or-“ Tom began, forgetting the rest of the world didn’t know that you’d have a first kiss as Peter and MJ and a first kiss as a couple.

“No, it wasn’t awkward.” You quickly cut him off before he blew your cover. “At the end of the day, we’re both professionals and it’s just kissing. We do it all the time now.”

“Sometimes off screen. And that’s not a joke.” Tom brought up. “Especially during filming, I would sometimes forget we weren’t actually together and I’d walk into a room and kiss her.”

You smiled at the memory, remembering all the stolen kisses before you’d made it official.

“How did everyone else react?” The interviewer asked.

“They acted like it was completely normal.” You answered.

“Because for us, it was.” Tom shrugged.

“I will say, it did get complicated kissing you when were were shooting our reunion scene in Endgame because I had to be careful of your balls.” You said.

“What?” Tom nearly gasped. You realized how it sounded and slapped a hand over your mouth.

“Motion sensor balls. The little white motion sensor balls.” You quickly explained. “Oh my God. I meant the balls on the motion caption suit.”

“I was about to say.” Tom laughed at your accident innuendo.

“Ask the next question, please.” You pleaded to get out of the awkward moment.

“So did you guys meet through this movie?” The interviewer saved you.

“Yes. We met while filming Infinity War when no one had any idea our characters were going to date.” You answered confidently to redeem yourself.

“We were always paired together for junkets and she gradually became my best friend. Sorry Haz.” Tom apologized to the camera.

“It’s great that you guys were able to click. Your chemistry in the movie is really outstanding.” The interviewer complimented. “I’m sure that’s due to the friendship you’ve built off screen.”

“Yeah, I mean it always helps to be friends with your scene partner. And when we would have to spend hours in a prop bed together, cuddling and kissing while they got the perfect shot, it made us even closer. And as for the chemistry, I guess it kinda happened naturally.” You smiled shyly.

“Here’s a clip from the upcoming film.” The interview said to the camera. A scene from Far From Home played where Peter and MJ awkwardly yet adorably flirting with each other on the London Bridge. You couldn’t help but lovingly watch Tom as the clip played, overly proud of his job in the film.

“We do have great chemistry.” Tom nodded after the clip played. “We should date.” He added and you laughed.

“The fans would love that. I’m sure you’ve seen the campaigns online for you two to get together.” The interviewer remarked.

“We’ve seen it. Or at least, I have. Have you?” You asked Tom.

“I started the campaign.” Tom deadpanned.

“Oh, okay.” You nodded causally. You both kept a straight face for as long as you could before you burst into laughter. You curled into Toms side and laughed until your sides hurt.

“So is this really just a friendship? Nothing more?” The interviewer asked skeptically.

“No. We’re just really good friends.” Tom said firmly. You smile slowly faded and you gave a curt nod. For the rest of the interview, you were in autopilot. Every time you thought Tom was ready to tell the world, he hit you with the “just friends” line. It wasn’t him calling you “friend” that hurt you. It was him saying “just”. Every time he said it, he chipped into your heart. It hurt you to hear him play your relationship off as “just” anything.

At the next interview with Jimmy Kimmel, you had a bigger slip than usual.

“I love the pants Tom.” Jimmy complimented a few minutes into the interview. “But I do miss you in the Spiderman suit.”

“Oh, thank you.” Tom smiled and smoothed out his grey patterned pants. “My girlfriend picked them out.” He said causally. His eyes widened and you did your best to keep a neutral expression.

“Girlfriend?” Jimmy asked with a cheeky smile.

“Oh, Uh, yeah. I’ve been seeing someone for a while now. I wasn’t supposed to let that slip so no one tell her.” Tom grimaced before looking into the camera. “Sorry, baby. She is really good at fashion though. She picked out most of my outfits for the press tour.”

“Well I have to say, your girlfriend has great taste.” Jimmy said.

“Thank you.” You answered, then cleared your throat to cover up the slip up. Tom caught your mistake and stifled a laugh.

“What was that, Y/n?” Tom asked coyly, knowing full well what you had accidentally said.

“I said she’s gonna kill you.” You lied through a smile.

“You’ve met her?” Jimmy asked you and you thought quickly on your feet.

“Oh yes. I know her very well.” You nodded. It wasn’t a total lie. You knew yourself pretty well.

“So you guys are friends?” Jimmy continued.

“No. I cannot stand that girl.” You laughed and Tom rolled his eyes. If he wasn’t gonna admit that his girlfriend was you, you were gonna have some fun.

“Here we go.” Tom sighed and the audience laughed.

“Why not?” Jimmy inquired.

“Because all she does is talk about herself.” You said. Tom laughed the irony and you giggled yourself.

“Well what about you? Do you have a boyfriend?” Jimmy asked.

“I do have a boyfriend but he’s the worst.” You confirmed. Tom gave you a half cracked smile.

“What?” He asked, practically daring you to go on.

“Why do you say that?” Jimmy laughed.

“He can’t keep a secret to save his life.” You shrugged. “Except the one. He’s really good at keeping one.”

Tom knew exactly what you were doing and he couldn’t even blame you. He didn’t say anything, but patted your knee and left his hand there.

“So he’s like Tom then?” Jimmy said. “Tom, you’ve become infamous in Hollywood as being loose lipped.”

“He is not loose lipped, his lips are very nice.” You defended and Tom smiled shyly. “He just gets too excited and lets things slip.”

“Like you during that one scene.” Tom spoke up. You knew what he was talking about and your face reddened.

“Stop.” You warned.

“What did she let slip?” Jimmy wondered.

“Oh My God. This story is so embarrassing.” You whined as you covered your face in your hands. Tom laughed at your discomfort and took your hand.

“We were shooting the “steamy”, as one night call it, scene in the film and she was supposed to say “Peter”, you know my characters name, in like a breathy voice.” Tom explained.

“I’d like to preface that this was an accident.” You cut in.

“So we’re shooting the scene and right in my ear she goes “Tom…I mean Peter”. But the whole thing comes out in like a moan and I thought it was the funniest thing ever.” Tom told the story.

“It was so embarrassing! The whole crew heard.” You groaned while Tom and the audience laughed at your expense.

You and Tom walked into your shared hotel room after the interview and allowed yourselves to relax. While you were setting your purse down on the bed, Tom came behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You leaned into his embrace and smiled.

“That went a lot better than I thought. If people think we’re dating other people, they’ll stop asking us if we’re together. This will totally throw them off.” Tom said and he kissed your temple. Your smile dropped as you turned around in his arms.

“Or, we could use this as an opportunity to tell them the truth about us. They know you have a girlfriend. Why not tell them that girlfriend is me?” You asked.

“Because my fans will come at you with a fiery vengeance. It’s better if they think you’re just my best friend. Trust me, darling, you don’t want them to know it’s you.” Tom tilted your chin up to look at him.

“And trust me, Tom, I do.” You said, and left his embrace.

The next day, you pretended like nothing happened for the sake of all the junkets you had to get through. You could tell Tom was sorry from the guilty looks he kept giving you, but you wouldn’t look back at him.

“What’s the best part of the press tour?” The interviewer asked.

“Getting to spend all day with my best friend.” You laud the word on thick as you wrapped your arms around Toms neck and covered his cheek in kisses. He got your point and let you do it as his way of apologizing. The interviewer laughed along, knowing the effect your actions would have on the fans.

“It’s great that you two are best friends. Is this press tour similar to the Homecoming one where you had to spend all day with Robert?” Tom was asked.

“That was a lot different. Robert has more of a godfather role in my life. I can go to him for advice, but I can’t play table tennis with him at three am in the hotel lobby like I can with Y/n.” Tom answered. You were warmed back up to him and gave him a gentle smile.

“And what’s your relationship with him like?” The interviewer asked you.

“He’s like my dad. He used to carry bandaids around just because I got hurt so much on set.” You replied.

“I remember that. He was always prepared. I went to Robert once when I was sick and he hooked me up to this crazy machine. I was super scared but it’s Robert Downey Jr., so I wasn’t gonna say no.” Tom chimed in.

“He makes Marvel lower your paycheck every time you say no to him.” You joked.

“Exactly. So I let him hook me up to it and it totally cured me. I was better in 15 minutes.” Tom continued.

“Aw. That’s so funny to think of Robert playing doctor on set. I guess your relationship with him is similar to Tony’s relationship with Peter?” The interview asked Tom.

“Definitely, definitely. Minus the fighting crime together and dying in his arms, obviously.” Tom replied.

“Mr. Junior, I don’t feel so good.” You cut in with a laugh. Tom and the interviewer stopped and looked at you.

“What?” Tom asked with a growing smile.

“I said Mr. Junior, I don’t feel so good. Like Mr. Stark I don’t feel so good.” You explained. You looked at Tom in confusion as he and the interviewer shared a look.

“What?” Tom repeated.

“Because you said your relationship was similar so I said-“ You began.

“No, I heard what you said.” Tom cut you off. “Who’s Mr. Junior?”

“Robert.” You replied, still confused why everyone was making a big deal.

“It’s Mr. Downey.” Tom said and began to laugh.

“Why would it be Mr. Downey? You wouldn’t be Mr. Stanley. It’s the last name. Mr. Junior.” You said again, feeling yourself growing frustrated.

“Yes, and his last name is Downey. My middle name is Stanley.” Tom explained.

You sat in silence for a moment, contemplating what Tom was saying.

“Did you think his last name was Junior?” Tom broke the silence.

“No?” You said as more of a question than a statement.

“Have you seriously thought Roberts last name was Junior this entire time?” The interviewer asked, also laughing at you.

“I thought Downey was his middle name!” You shrieked.

“What?!” Tom asked and burst into laughter. You felt your face redden as the crew laughed at you as well.

“I thought he was Robert Downey Junior!” You said each name separately. “I thought he just used his full name like Neil Patrick Harris.”

“No.” Tom said in exasperation. “His fathers also named Robert so he’s Robert Downey Jr.”

“But he goes by RDJ! That implies that the “J” is a part of his initials.” You exclaimed.

“I cannot believe we’re having this conversation right now.” Tom said as he wiped a happy tear from his eye.

“How did you think I feel?” You asked.

“I can’t handle this. You’re so ridiculous.” Tom choked out through his laughter. “I love you.” You restrained yourself from telling him you loved him back, knowing you couldn’t possibly make it sound platonic.

“Aw.” The interviewer gushed. “You two are such cute friends.”

“Yeah.” You gave a tight lipped smile. “Friends.”

As the press tour neared its end, your ability to keep the secret worsened.

Tom gave you a quick kiss on the lips before the cameras started rolling. The interviewer almost caught it, but you pulled away quickly before he could.

“What is that?” Tom asked as you bite into something orange sometime during the junket.

“A carrot.” You shrugged as your chewed.

“Where did you get carrots?” Tom laughed in confusion.

“The snack table outside.” You replied as you ate another one.

“There’s a snack table? Oh, that’s why you tasted like peppers.” He realized. Neither of you realized what he said but the interviewer raised an eyebrow.

“You know I can’t resist some peppy boys.” You told him. “That better be cut out.” You warned the camera.

“You say that every interview.” Tom pointed out.

“It feels warranted every interview.” You giggled. “You know I debated stealing some of the pineapple from the snack table to take home?”

“Of course you did. You and your smoothies.” Tom rolled his eyes.

“I love smoothies! Is that a crime?” You turned in your seat to ask him.

“Yes! You drink a smoothie every morning and then get hungry twenty minutes later. You guys, she does not eat enough.” Tom said to the camera.

“It’s better than you and your thirty jars of jelly in the refrigerator because someone can’t go a day without toast.” You shot back.

“Oh, do you guys live together?” The interviewer asked in surprise.

You and Tom blinked in surprise at accidentally revealing that fact.

“Uhh, yeah. We’re um…” You started.

“Roommates.” Tom said quickly. “I live in the UK but I work mainly in the States, so I live with Y/n when I’m here.”

“Roommates? How cute.” The interviewer smiled.

“Just adorable.” You mumbled.

You dropped your purse on the hotel bed that night and put you hands on your hips. Without even looking at you, Tom could sense you anger. He sheepishly looked up at you and gave you a weak grin.

“I’m sorry?” He offered.

“For what?” You demanded.

“I don’t know. You haven’t told me yet.” He said.

“Roommates? You told him we were roommates?” You asked, not bothering to mask the hurt in your voice.

“Well why else would we live together?” Tom defended his answer.

“I don’t know, maybe because we’ve been in a committed relationship for over a year.” You grumbled. Tom heard the frustration in your voice and and put a gentle hand on your arm.

“But they don’t know that, darling.” He said softly.

“But I want them too. You keep pushing back telling our fans. You said we’d tell them before the press tour.” You said, feelings tears rise to your eyes.

“Yes, but then I realized all the interviews would focus on our relationship and not the movie.” Tom reminded you. “We needed to promote the movie.”

“No one needs to promote Marvel movies! They’re Marvel movies!” You exclaimed.

“I don’t understand why you’re so upset over this, sweetheart. We agreed not to tell our fans.” Tom tried to talk you down.

“We agreed not to tell our fans right away. It’s been a year Tom. Do you not want them to know?” You sighed.

“I like my privacy, love. I don’t want the world intruding on us. I love you too much to share.” Tom cupped your face in his hands but you looked away.

“You say you love me, but tell the world I’m nothing but a best friend.” You said sadly. “Or worse, a roommate.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, angel. I’m sorry.” Tom apologized. You dropped the subject and went to bed without another word. You were cold towards Tom all the next day until your interview that night, the last of the press tour.

The media frenzy of rumors came to an end during a game of Charades on Jimmy Fallon. You were on Jimmy’s team, leaving Tom and Benedict as your opponents. You shot flirty banter back and forth all game until finally, your team won.

“Haha.” You pointed a jeering finger at Tom as you got off the couch and approaching him. He had his bottom lip between his teeth as he watched you with pure joy. “Just like the War of 1812, the British lost-“ You couldn’t finish your burn because Tom had pulled you into a kiss.

“Sorry, darling. You looked so cute up there. I couldn’t resist.” He mumbled against your lips.

“Wait, are you two together?” Jimmy asked, interrupting the moment. He was looking back and forth between you and Tom and the camera. You realized that the moment occurred on live television and suddenly felt shyer than you ever had before.

Tom looked at you, allowing you to be the one to confirm it after wanting too for so long. You looked into the camera and smirked.

“Truth is…I am dating Tom Holland.” You said in true Tony Stark fashion. The audience irrupted into applause and you couldn’t stop your smile from breaking through. Tom looked at you fondly and pulled you into a hug.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You mumbled against his chest.

“Yes I did.” He whispered into your ear. “love my privacy, but I love you more.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona​ @foreverxholland​ @writing-for-hours-on-end​ @lavender-writer​ @captainmandeestudent17​ @whatareyouhidingpeter​ @takenbyheartstrings​ @ultrunning​ @imyourliquor-youremypoison​ @theolwebshooter​ @andreasworlsboring101​ @guksmyfav​ @waiting-to-be-myself​ @letsloveimagines​ @ho-ho-holland @peterparkoure​ @a-villain-vying-for-attention​ @m19friend @justcallmehitgirl​ @averyfosterthoughts​ @jackiehollanderr​ @tiny-friggin-human​ @celestial-skylines​ @loveat2am​ @mara-twins​ @iamaunicorn4704​ @delicately-important-trash​ @mjspxrker​ @spideygirl2003 @the-crazy-fanfictionist​ @kii-mii​ @maryjanee23​ @spacebitch2​ @vgiselle​ @geeksareunique​

[hajimewhore]

Body Swap 👫 (Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader) ➸Rated T, fem!Reader, 2.7k words  ➷Humor, fluff, angst, awkwardness, pining, swearing, my tendency to write introspective, the usual stuff in here  ➷ Masterlist, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, ✈Part 6, Part 7

“Hajime, let’s walk together without Tooru.”

You hear a voice call out to you the second you step out of the gym. The abrupt call startles you when you register it’s your own voice—it feels a tad cryptic, considering you’re still not used to hearing it unless it’s coming from you. 

Hajime is glancing around, keeping his voice low, clearly wary of any prying ears or casual listeners. 

“Huh? Yeah, alright.”

You jog up to his side, exiting the school grounds with him. A worry creeps in your gut, but you push it aside to hear what he has to say first. No use getting anxious when he hasn’t even said anything yet.

It’s interesting, your strides are much longer than you’re used to, so you have to actively think about matching your pace with Hajime’s currently shorter legs (you hate to call your legs short, but there is an obvious comparison). 

It’s something you never worried about before, considering you were always the one surrounded by long-legged bastards, but it has you thinking that Hajime must’ve always consciously walked in step with you. Even Tooru tended to take long strides (as if he were the main character in an anime, leading the way for the extras). 

You try to quell the metaphorical butterflies that are making themselves at home inside your ribcage, but it’s rapidly replacing the anxiety that was stirring from Hajime’s abrupt request. 

You’re supposed to be serious right now. You can’t be caught up with how sweet and caring Hajime is, even though he doesn’t voice it and generally has an attitude that needs minor adjustment, but you’re constantly reminded every day how his love language is more about acts of service and silent gestures with no intent for acknowledgement and—

“What’s up?”

You say with as much nonchalance as you can muster, it’s best to cut that train of thought off, especially when said train is being directed by Iwaizumi Hajime—not only filling your brain but the space directly next to you. 

You can only assume there’s something pressing he wanted to talk about, maybe practice, judging by his sour expression. Not that he doesn’t always have that expression, but lately he’s been more conscious of the faces he makes in your body. There must be something gnawing at him to let that slip. 

But if you’re being completely honest, you’d rather not think about practice after the shit show of a performance you had earlier. 

“Something…” he pauses, not quite sure how to phrase it, “weird, happened. And I really don’t want to talk about it, but you should know.”

Hajime looks highly agitated, and very uncomfortable. He’s refusing to meet you in the eye, not particularly focused on anything but the air to his right. He’s struggling to find a way to busy his hands, crossed over his chest—nope not that again– shoving them in his track pants pockets, before deciding to whole up in his jacket pockets.

You think about what could possibly make him that level of awkward, but only one thing comes to mind,

“You didn’t start your period, did you?”

“WHA- WHAT? NO, no, fuck,”

Hajime’s eyes blow wide when you unintentionally remind him about the existence of said bodily function. Is that something he’s going to have to worry about? He needs out of this body, stat.

“Good, cause I just ended, so if you started that would’ve been a little worrying.”

You can’t help but laugh at his reaction, and he grimaces, red hue dusting his cheeks, he’s clearly perturbed by the information and realization that was just forced upon him. 

“Good to know. Hopefully we’ll swap before the next... one...”

You roll your eyes, but can’t exactly blame him for his discomfort. As much as you’d like a man to physically endure and comprehend the plight of women, you also hope you’ll be able to switch soon. 

Besides, that's something best cursed upon someone bad mannered, like Tooru. 

It does succeed in reminding you that you and Hajime should put your nose to the grind, if it wasn’t urgent before it’s imperative now that you figure out ways that could possibly switch you back. 

Hajime clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck, snapping you back to his current dilemma, 

“Someone asked you out.”

You blink at the information, that’s what he wanted to talk about? You’ll certainly take that over talking about your shit show of a practice tonight. 

“Whaaaat? Again? Jeeeez, I guess I’m just popular today.”

You stick your tongue out with a giggle, sounding extremely misplaced with his voice. 

Surprisingly, he doesn’t reprimand you for it, and it makes you tick a brow in curiosity. 

“...so uh, did you shoot ‘em down? Finally understanding some of the struggles that women go through, huh?”

You attempt to laugh off the unpleasant aura that’s starting to hang thick in the air.

“Not exactly. I said I’d text him, I wasn’t sure what your answer would be.”

At that, you freeze, turning back to stare at him in shock. 

“What? You actually considered my feelings instead of shoving a boy out of my life?”

You halt your steps to turn and grip Hajime by the shoulders, faux tears threatening to spring up and burst any minute. You gaze at him with all of the awe of a proud mother seeing her child matured and all grown up. 

“Don’t say it like that! And knock that look off my face, before I do it myself,” he sounds as gruff as he can with a feminine tone, “and of course I care about your feelings! The men that like you are just shit.”

He turns his nose up derisively.

Hajime always figured that was the case, at least, that no man was good enough for his best friend, and the ones that liked you wouldn’t know what to do with you. All that ambition, attitude, spark, with a tendency for being too kind and too caring. What could a high school boy who dicks around in the back of the classroom ever put forward in a relationship with you?

But it seems he was a bit misconstrued. While he’s positive he marked those boys right, there may have been a little jealousy at play he was never made aware of until recent events (in other words, the Matsukawa Incident–he’ll refer to said event as such now). 

Hajime unintentionally acted with his own self interest, driving away any boy that made eyes at you, and hid behind his self-proclaimed ‘protective best friend’ title, told himself it was fine, because Oikawa was doing the same—they both knew what was best for their friend. 

As if you couldn’t decide for yourself. 

Hajime clenches jaw, he should’ve known something was off with him the moment he started going along with Oikawa’s antics. 

He doesn’t feel particularly bad or regretful about driving away those glaringly transparent guys, but he does feel a pang of guilt for having done it without your say in the matter.

“Well, thanks, I guess. But who are you talking about anyways, I’m dying to know who’s won Hajime’s stamp of approval.”

You look at him with curiosity brimming from tip to toe, and a deep frown tugs at the corners of his lips, the dread and anxiety he felt before coming back full force. Now that he’s placed the feelings he has for you, it’s demoralizing to see you interested in other men.

“It was Matsukawa,”

Now Matsukawa was different. 

Hajime knew him personally, and considered him a close friend. They often spent free time together, had lunch together. They of course played volleyball together, and judging from that alone Hajime could tell that Matsukawa was a man with talent, passion, and drive. He was good natured, and Hajime is positive he’d treat you with the respect you deserved.

“He was the one that asked you out.”

Your eyes widen at the information, and Hajime feels his shoulders tense. Is that excitement? What will you have to say about that? 

Well, if you like Matsukawa, Hajime will just have to deal with it. 

He easily turned away other boys and suitors, but the fact that it’s Matsukawa changes everything, it’s thrown a fat wrench in his love life (if he can even call your relationship that, he’s starkly aware you’ve always been ‘just friends’, and the Matsukawa Incident isn’t exactly helping any).

Hajime knows Matsukawa can make you happy, there’s no reason to stick his nose into that. 

When you’re out of this body swap situation, Hajime will just have to support you from the sidelines. But even then, as your best friend, he has to be with you every step of the way. 

Your solo time with Hajime will practically become non-existent if you get yourself a boyfriend. No more movie nights with the two of you, passed out on the couch before the halfway point, no more casual dinner dates, no more coming to each other’s houses at ungodly hours because the other person is only seconds away. 

Hajime guesses he could still have all those things, but with the addition of Matsukawa–that thought sits bitter in his mind. And Hajime loves his friend more dearly than he cares to admit, and loves you more than he thought he did, but his heart breaks at the thought of the two of you together. 

“Mattsun?”

His spiraling train of thought is dashed the second you burst out into a boisterous laugh, something Hajime wasn’t expecting. 

“He’s such a flirt. You should’ve just brushed him off!”

Hajime states in his bafflement. Matsukawa, a flirt? He thought that was just in the moment. What are you talking about? You’re talking about the same Matsukawa, right?

“What? I didn’t know if you liked him or not, I couldn’t say no!”

His face heats with a scowl as he attempts to defend himself, Hajime is in disbelief he let that get to him so much.

“Oh no, you didn’t get all awkward did you? Now he’s gonna think I have a crush on him.”

You huff, and Hajime grows more confused by the second. 

“Is that such a bad thing?”

And now he feels the need to defend poor Matsukawa’s honor, though he won’t deny the feeling of relief washing away his anxiety like a massive ocean wake. It’s as if the salt water is mending the dull cracks that started chipping at his heart, your full smile and animated laugh uplifting him.

“Not really, I guess. But he flirts too much, and I always put him in his place! But now that you’ve gone all doe-eyed school girl on him, he’s gonna think his charm or whatever worked.”

You click your tongue, and Hajime bristles, how could he forget about how bad your personality could be? Any time he finds himself in awe over you, it’s always short lived. 

“I did not go ‘school girl’ on him, I was confused the entire time! I didn’t even know he was flirting with me at first!”

He rants, seemingly back to himself, and you bite your laughter at the outburst. 

“I’m sorry you had to experience that, Hajime.”

“One of my best friends and teammates... was flirting with me.”

“Technically, me.”

“I can’t look at him the same way.”

“If you want, I’ll let you go on the date. But when I’m back in my body, I’m cutting that off.”

Hajime sends you a look that sends a chill down your spine, vibrating from the intensity of it. 

“Kidding, Hajime, kidding!”

You put your hands up in defense and Hajime grunts, decidedly not beating your ass, fortunately.

Though, Hajime does feel a swell of happiness at the fact that you don’t seem interested in Matsukawa. 

“I guess I should let you know...” you pause and Hajime hums in acknowledgement, “make sure to turn everyone down for me.”

Hajime blinks at your request, and attempts to not sound so desperate and eager when he speaks, 

“Uh, sure. Everyone? ‘don’t have anyone you like?”

He figures he’s pushing his luck with that one, but he wants to know the answer, even if he’s shooting in the dark. 

“No, not interested in anyone in our classes, or your teammates, for that matter.”

You clarify, and he awkwardly glances away at the pointed comment. 

“Right. I can do that,” he glances to you before continuing, “the same goes for me.”

“You already told me that!”

“You need a reminder. I don’t want a random girlfriend I’m not interested in when I’m back in my body, okay?!”

And the reminder was so good to hear, you’re happy Hajime doesn’t have an interest in anyone, even if that gives you the smallest chance.

“Okayyy, okay!”

You laugh, and he hides the way his lips turn up into a smile.

“Now let’s go to my place, we have to do more research on our situation.”

You walk alongside Hajime, ignoring your buzzing pocket, no doubt Tooru. You can’t exactly have him crashing your research sessions, so you decide to come up with an excuse for later. 

Days in a row you’ve done research with no concise evidence or method of solving your body swap, you’re starting to feel disheartened by the situation, but at least the weekend is starting.

Even if it’s nearly impossible to come up with anything helpful, you’ll be able to research more and not worry about putting up a front at school or with yours and Hajime’s teammates. 

“We don’t even know where to start! This shouldn’t even be possible!”

The research Hajime has also done leads to zero results, of course. And both your frustrations are piled as high as the plushies and extra pillows Hajime threw off your bed.

You flop onto your back, said extra pillows and plushies cushioning your fall. You’re surprised Hajime left some of them on the bed, it seems he had discarded a majority of them. 

You can’t believe it, Mr. Tubbs, the big stuffed cat Tooru gifted you years ago, cast aside, face down on the carpet. 

If you weren’t so frustrated by your research developments (or lack of), you’d be amused that the only plushes with bed privilege were the ones Hajime won for you at fairs, or gifted you in the past. 

“There’s no legitimate research, for obvious reasons, and most of it is just stories or movies.”

Hajime sighs, browsing through tabs on your laptop. 

“Are we just going to have to wait?” You bite your tongue, “Hajime, what if we’re just stuck like this?”

The sharp look Hajime sends you makes you freeze up. 

“Don’t talk like that. We’ll figure something out.”

He says it so resolutely that it makes you believe him, or at least want to believe in him. And you have no shortage of belief in Hajime’s abilities–if he’s confident you’ll get through this, then you will get through this. 

“If you say so, I’ll believe you. Sorry, Hajime.”

He hums at your response, eyeing you carefully as you continue to scroll on your phone through a rabbit’s hole of mysterious threads, and cryptic posts. 

Your phone pings with messages from Tooru, the buzz startling you out of an odd Reddit thread that seemed more like a troll or a work of fiction than anything. 

The message(s) are in all caps, and you swipe them out as they come up rapidly. You’ll have to think of yet another excuse to give him later, but you’re running out of ideas. 

It was suspicious enough as it is that both you and Hajime had a dentist appointment in the same week–Tooru not-so-kindly pointed out that dentist offices were closed after your school’s hours, and it didn’t help that Hajime made the same excuse a day after you.

The both of you were even forced to skip out on your monthly movie night together, and you and Hajime can only claim to be sick for the night so many times.

You don’t intend to, but you wind up forgetting to message Tooru back that night. 

The stress is stacked high, everything feels personally against you, and you’re too overwrought to focus on anything other than yours and Hajime’s body swap, let alone school, and especially volleyball practice. Which, is increasingly making Tooru more insufferable than usual. 

Swiping out of yet another cryptic site, you briefly worry about what viruses that could’ve creeped onto your phone before searching again.  

Mr. Tubbs making an excellent cushion, you roll onto your side as you scroll away.

A/N: I’m excited to say I’ve got the rest of the story mapped out from here, I usually just wing it and have zero follow through lol, but I’m trying my best! 

taglist: @cybergovl @babybellecheese @keijikunn @168-cm-png​ @sexy0android​

Masterlist, Part 7

[mammons-sugarbaby]

Can you please write hc about the bois reading mc's diary where they might state somethings (why do they like the bois , their dreams with them , or the nice gestures they do to them)

Sorry this took so long! 

Okay so here’s the platonic version of the bros reading MC’s diary, there will be a romantic, and dirty version as well. Including the undateables (Luke’s obv is platonic only).

I’m putting most of it under a read more bc it’s a lot.

Lucifer ⦁ He'd started giving MC piano lessons after their RAD classes, they'd requested it and he wasn't going to pass up a chance to show off his talents. ⦁ After MC leaves he notices they forgot their things, namely a few schoolbooks and notebooks ⦁ He also notices when he gathers them up that one notebook seems different than the others and opens it to see what it is ⦁ It's a daily journal of their time in the devildom ⦁ He flips through a few more pages and lands on a page that, to his surprise, is about him ⦁ He goes to the beginning and sees where it becomes less about general happenings and more about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Lucifer seems more stressed lately....he played the piano for me once and he seemed really happy then. Maybe I can ask him to teach me to play, but he might see it as another thing on his already full plate. But it would be nice for him to have a break from the usual headaches."

⦁ "I asked him and he agreed! He seemed surprised but also has a small smile! I hope I'm not putting too much on him. "

⦁ "He's been teaching me for a few days now and he always seems much more relaxed and happier during our lessons. I'm happy I found something to get his mind off his stress, he works too much. He's nice deep down, but he has a lot going on that makes him irritated. Still, I'm glad he's my friend."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Lucifer is touched that MC was worried about him

⦁ And also surprised that they noticed his mood while playing the piano, and his reaction to them requesting he teach them to play, he hadn't realized they were so observant.

⦁ When he thought about it, he realized he had been enjoying their lessons, looking forward to them even. MC wasn't a bad student, they actually picked up the basics quickly. 

⦁ He wouldn't tell them he'd read their diary, but he couldn't help but smile he entire time when they joined him for their next lesson

Mammon ⦁ He was looking through MC's stuff to sell for quick grim ⦁ Finds an intricate looking book, it's looks expensive ⦁ He opens it and notices its a scrapbook ⦁ He soon realizes that there a lot of cut outs and pictures of him ⦁ And there are full pages of writing ⦁ Of course he's going to read about what they have to say about him, The Great Mammon!

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Mammon got another multi page spread! He's so cool."

⦁ "Mammon offered me some of the clothes he'd gotten from a recent shoot because his closet was full, they were super expensive brand names! I'm still in shock, I would have thought he'd sell them. They'd probably go for a good bit of grim since they were what he'd wore in the shoot, I mean he's one of the most in-demand models! But he gave them to me instead, I feel silly for being starstruck."

⦁ "I want to buy something to repay him, but he has everything.... If he wants something, he just buys it, so it's hard to get what he'd want that he doesn't already have...Maybe I could make something?"

⦁ "Went shopping today with him and bought the stuff to make his gift, he didn't even notice! I bought him a few things he asked for, I hope he likes my real present..."

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He's SHOCKED. Yeah he always boasted about being the greatest, but he hadn't realized MC was an actual fan of his??

⦁ It seems like they had collected pictures from every shoot he'd ever had, and that was saying something.

⦁ He didn't even consider selling the clothes he'd gotten from the shoot that day, he just saw MC admiring them  and rather than try to find room for them, he just let MC have them. He hadn't even thought anything of it, but it made him happy that he'd brought so much joy to MC.

⦁ He wondered what they were making him and tried to think back on their shopping trip, but he'd been too focused on the things he liked, rather than what MC was buying.

⦁ Guilt hit him like a train, he may not have stolen anything, but he's going to buy MC something real nice to make up for trying.

Levi ⦁ He'd gone into MC's room to retrieve some games and manga he'd lent them ⦁ He saw a pile of books near a neat stack of games and assumed they'd left it on their desk for him. ⦁ It wasn't until he got back to his room and was organizing them that he realized he grabbed a book that wasn't his. ⦁ He opened it then quickly shut it after realizing it was their diary. ⦁ He argued with himself to read or not to read, but he saw his name! ⦁ Deciding, he opened the diary again, he just had to know what they were writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "I hung out with Levi today and watched him absolutely obliterate a raid! It seems like he's super high leveled on like, ever game he plays! He even gets me into some of them and helps me level up and get rare items."

⦁ "I don't know if he's joking or not when he calls me his best friend but I feel the same. He's my best friend. Though sometimes I worry he'll get bored of me since I'm not nearly as into gaming as he is. And I worry that some of the games and stuff I like he'd probably say the were such "normie" or "main stream" things...it doesn't mean they're not fun. I try to stick with games he likes to play, because I don't want to lose my best friend. Is that something I should actually worry over?"

⦁ "We were watching a new anime today and one of the characters said something that set him off. He paused it and went on an hour long rant about how out of character it was for them. It may be weird, but I love listening to him going off about things he's passionate about! It's both entertaining, and I get to hear his thought process, usually I end up learning a few things that I had missed while watching. It seems like he never misses anything! I know he'd never in a million years believe me, but I think he's actually really cool and fun to be around."

Platonic (his reaction) ��� His heart is ready to explode, he really did think of MC as his best friend, but he was worried they just went along with it to make him happy. Reading that they thought the same thing, it was scary how alike they were!

⦁ When he got them into a game that he had been playing for a while, he wants them to be able to run raids with him as fast as possible, but he also likes MC's excitement when they complete a particularly difficult quest, because he felt the same way.

⦁ He feels guilty reading that MC thinks he'll get bored of them just because they like games he typically would scoff at, they're right, just because they're mainstream doesn't mean they aren't fun. They became mainstream BECAUSE they were fun. He makes a mental note to find out MC's favorite game. Their actual favorites.

⦁ He blushed because he did have a habit of going off on tangents in the middle of an episode and then not finishing it for the rest of the night. But reading that MC enjoyed his rants, this human really was his best friend, his Henry!

Satan ⦁ MC returned some books he'd lent them ⦁ While putting them away, Satan realized they'd accidentally given him one of their books ⦁ They'd already left though, he opened it to see what the book was about ⦁ It was a thick journal and he realized it was specifically a diary ⦁ And the page he'd opened to was about him ⦁ Intrigued, he sat down and flipped to the first page.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I asked Satan if he had any books about devildom fauna and asked him since there was no sun in the devildom, what did the flowers use as a food source. He had a few books and was nice enough to sit down with me and go over the material. He asked why I wanted to know and I explained I wanted to try growing something."

⦁ "Satan saved me from failing the test today! If he hadn't suggested we study together, I wouldn't have realized I had studied the wrong thing! At first he seemed annoyed but when I apologized he asked 'For what' and I said for bothering him, I felt bad because we'd have to waste time studying something I should already have had a good grasp on. He seemed surprised and explained he wasn't mad, things happen. He told me that at least when the time came to test for what I accidentally studied, I'd be more prepared. After all knowledge is power. I'm glad he's patient with me."

⦁ "Satan showed me some of his favorite books today. A lot of them were books about curses and hexes and the like, but it made him laugh. He was so excited to try some of the new curses he'd learned on Lucifer. It shows a different side to him, a more playful side. Dangerous, but still playful. Hopefully he'll never try to prank me with a curse haha!

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He remembered MC asking about local fauna and how things worked here in the devildom. He had almost laughed because things like that were basic knowledge, but he remembered that in the human realm, the sun was essential for most fauna growth. He admired MC for trying to learn new things and put that knowledge to use.

⦁ Satan smiled at MC remembering the phrase he had told them a few times. He'd been surprised when MC had opened to the wrong chapter to start studying, and the look of shock on their face when he told them, he felt bad. Nonetheless, this was a chance to see just how much he understood the reference material, now that he'd have to thoroughly explain so that they understood. He enjoyed his time with them and he was glad that their hard work paid off.

⦁ He hadn't realized how much he held back when around his brothers and MC, but he felt comfortable around MC, like they understood him. He felt like he could let down his guard a little with them, and he was glad to read they took his interests in curses and pranks in good humor. He might have to prank MC soon....nothing dangerous or over the top, but he wanted to tease them a bit.

Asmo ⦁ He went into MC's room to show off some new beauty products he'd bought ⦁ They weren't in their room, so he texted them, they replied they'd be there shortly ⦁ he takes a seat on their bed and notices a notebook on their nightstand ⦁ He opens it and sees it's their diary ⦁ And more importantly, they're writing about him

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Ugh, I had such a rough day today! I'm glad I ran into Asmo on my way back to my room. He wanted me to come with him and try some new stuff he got that was supposed to help with fatigue. At first I refused because I just wanted to lay down, but  he wouldn't take no for an answer and eventually he wore me down and practically dragged me to his room. He was right, the products he used really did make me feel more energetic!"

⦁ "I ran into Asmo in town today, he was on his way to majolish. I joked with him that he owned every item of clothing in the store and he told me that's why he was going to buy me clothes! Once again I found myself dragged along with him. I feel like I need to just start going with things when it comes to him, it always ends up for the better. I feel bad that he spent so much grim, but he kept finding clothes that I 'Absolutely had to have!!!' he does have a good sense for my style at least."

⦁ "Today I went to Asmo's room, I was feeling down and it seemed like spending time with him always cheered me up. At first he seemed annoyed to be interrupted, but as soon as he saw it was be he perked up and pulled me inside his room. He asked why I looked so down in the presence of someone as beautiful and him and I had to laugh. I told him a little bit of what was on my mind, and it didn't seem like he was listening, just going about his beauty ritual. But after I had stopped talking he started giving advice on the more important things I had complained about. He's a great listener, I'm really happy he's my friend, even if he keeps trying to get in my pants! Though at this point I think it's just habit because he doesn't seem as pushy as he did at first.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ Asmo recalled when MC was more resistant towards him, to be fair though they needed a good spa day! A lot! And now that he had read that they were thankful for his impromptu self care sessions, he was going to make actual plans for spa days with MC. They'd thank him in the future.

⦁ To be fair, he was glad he ran into MC while on his way to majolish. He knew MC's size, but wasn't entirely sure about what they liked personally. He knew what he thought they would look good in, but when they had started trying on clothes, he quickly noted what they seemed uncomfortable in, and what they actually seemed to like. An outfit may look cute, but if the person wearing it looks like they'd rather be wearing anything else, then it defeated the purpose! Eventually Asmo tuned into the styles and materials MC liked and went from there. He didn't even spend half as much as he usually did, so he found it funny that MC was worried over the total price of their new wardrobe.

⦁ He remembered the night MC came to his room, they had indeed interrupted him in the middle of his usual nighttime ritual, but as soon as he saw the look on their face he had to pull them in. He listened to MC pour their heart out while he went about his routine and when they stopped talking he assumed they were done and started giving them pointers. When he looked back to them, they look surprised. It confused him at the time, but now he understood it was because they thought he wasn't listening. He was always listening darling! It's how he knows so much. 

⦁ He also hadn't realized that it had in fact, become more of a habit to flirt with MC, than to actually try to get somewhere with them. He didn't know how to feel about it.

Beel ⦁ To be fair, MC told him he could borrow their study notes, but didn't tell him where in their room they left the notebook ⦁ He sees what he assumes is the notebook on their bed and grabs it and heads to his room ⦁ Once he gets settled, he opens it and reads half the page before it clicks that these are definitely not study notes ⦁ This is their diary, and they were writing about him ⦁ He shuts it so fast, super embarrassed, but he can't stop thinking about what he'd read ⦁ Guilty, he opens it to read more

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Today I forgot my wallet today so I couldn't buy lunch, but on my way back to the classroom I ran into Beel. He was actually looking for me so we could have lunch together! He even grabbed my favorite foods. I don't think I've mentioned my favorites though...how did he know??"

⦁ "I had a major leg cramp today while walking with Beel today. After sitting down he asked if he could massage it to help. I agreed and it hurt so much at first!! He kept reassuring me through it though and after a while it stopped hurting. He told me I probably needed to drink more water and get some potassium. He also suggested I join him for his stretch warm ups to avoid cramps in the future. I had no clue he knew so much!"

⦁ "Beel is always so supportive and nice, he always makes my day brighter! I'm really glad to have him as a friend, a best friend even. Going to watch him at practice today, I'll make sure to bring his favorite snacks!"

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC had left their wallet that day, he just remembered how they looked so down, and then when he asked them to eat with him at lunch, and gave them their food, their face lit up. He wondered if that was how he looked when MC gave him his favorite snacks. It wasn't hard for him to tell when MC really liked something, they had an excited expression every time they saw certain food, was it usually a hard thing to notice?

⦁ Beel remembered that day, how MC practically dropped to the ground clutching their leg. They told him it was a cramp and as soon as it stopped hurting so much, they could just walk it off. He scoffed at the memory, but was glad he taught MC something, and they had been joining him for his warm-up stretches since.

⦁ He was touched, he definitely saw MC as a close friend, they were his second favorite person, after his twin of course. He was glad he could make their day brighter, and felt guilty again because he was reading their diary. ⦁ He'd admit what he'd done later and apologize, hopefully MC wouldn't be too angry...

Belphie ⦁ MC texts him asking if he could bring their notebooks they forgot ⦁ They were having a study session but it turned into a nap session instead ⦁ He opens one of the notebooks to quickly scan over the notes they were supposed to study ⦁ These are not school related ⦁ This is their diary, and whats more, there's a lot about him in it ⦁ A wicked grin spreads across his face and he settles in to read what MC had to say about him.

Platonic (diary content) ⦁ "Oof today Belphie made me laugh so hard I could barely breath today! I had tears and everything. He was doing impersonations of his brothers and when he did Lucifer, I lost it! Even aside from that he has a great sense of humor."

⦁ "I forgot it was may day to cook and took a 3 hour nap. Luckily Belphie covered for me and came to wake me up when dinner was ready. I owe him big time, which owing Belphie something....is a scary thought. I'm sure it'll be fine though!"

⦁ "Lucifer was running me ragged today! on top of homework he was making me help him with his paperwork! Belphie saw me on my way back to Lucifer's office and grabbed me and told me I was going to take a nap with him since I looked like I was about to drop anyway. I tried to argue, but as soon as Belphie tossed me onto the pile of pillows and blankets, honestly I'm pretty sure I just passed out. I had to hear it from Lucifer later on, but Belphie made me laugh after so all in all it was worth it.

Platonic (his reaction) ⦁ He didn't realize MC thought he was actually funny, he thought they were laughing to make him feel better, but he remembered them near pissing themself when he mocked Lucifer and grinned. 

⦁ Belphie went to remind MC it was cooking duty but saw they were asleep. He knew what it was like to be woken up from a nap, so he just figured they could return the favor later on. It was funny to him that they thought he would have something insidious in mind for repayment. He might have to think of something besides covering for him for cooking duty...

⦁ He remembered vividly seeing MC's haggard face and realized they were heading to Lucifer's office. They looked dead on their feet so he grabbed them up. Part of it was and excuse to nap with them, the other was to piss off Lucifer. And maybe a little bit of pity for them. He had listened in on some of Lucifer's lecture to MC, and had a lot of new material to mock him about that he wanted to share with MC.

⦁ He was going to tease them so much about carrying their diary around and leaving it for whoever to read.

[shadowofthelamp]

Okay, I’m still on this. Building on this post, having Scourge genuinely want Sonic to join him is just a really, really interesting narrative choice, and I want to figure out where it came from. There’s a TL;DR at the end since it got a bit long.

Is it on some level that he thinks heroism is naïve and he just thinks Sonic can do better? Yeah, I think that’s part of it. It comes up both when he’s trying to convince Sonic in 191 and after he thinks he’s won in 196 when he goes Super. Between “What does heroism get you?” in the page below and “See what that (holier-than-thou attitude) got you?!” in the linked page this very much informs his worldview. Heroism leading to bad outcomes both for the people being heros and the world in general (in his eyes) means that heroic actions (and the attitude, thinking heroism is better than selfishness) must be bad as well. 

“I got that my way, not yours. Folks smile and wave you you? Everyone bows to me!” He doesn’t want everyone genuinely liking him as a person, not that he’d admit anyway- he wants worship, for people to look up at him instead of across the aisle. He 100% rules the Suppression Squad via fear and is perfectly comfortable with it until it blows up in his face. He’s rather keep himself up and out of reach from connections that could hurt him if he opens himself up to them, because he doesn’t truly respect his crew and mostly uses them to inflate his own ego via that bowing/submisson thing.

Obviously the hesitation in that middle panel there is more for the benefit of the audience suspense for the next comic than anything since Sonic would never go for this and he directly states so in the next issue, (and I don’t think it’s really ‘him not wanting to admit it to himself’). Sonic’s expression in the first panel definitely is a ‘are you serious?’ sort of thing, but Scourge sure seems serious about this, considering he brought it up again after going Super, lamenting that Sonic didn’t take what he sees as the smart option. Plus, he’s pissed right here that Metal interrupted. 

He tries to posture himself above Sonic in the page below- the first panel there is referring to the fact that he calls himself a King now. He WANTS to be more than Sonic, so he takes an honestly pretty childish tact to it- he just kicks everybody else down to make himself king of the hill, and then KEEPS kicking them down because he’s never going to get their genuine respect, so he has to keep stomping to keep them below him. .

I think part of the angle here? Scourge, although he’d never consciously admit it, genuinely admires Sonic and wants what he has- respect and affection earned through good character and not fear.

I admittedly don’t know the pre-Ian issues as well, but he repeatedly kept popping up in Prime to pretend he was Sonic. He likes Sonic’s life better- and why wouldn’t he? The Squad has no care for each other. Miles is plotting to usurp him at basically all times, it seems. Patch and Boomer seem to like the new direction/power he brought them as the leader, but they also were willing to turn on him as soon as Miles suggested it. Moebius is generally peaceful, so he never deals with anything interesting, and he’s got an empire of dirt even when he did conquer the planet, from all the infighting after the Great Peace fell apart. Fiona said that he just ‘beat up a few warlords’- he can tell himself he’s king all he wants, but he’s just a kid playing pretend and kicking away anybody who can/would dispel that illusion.

I don’t doubt that just knowing he’s a ‘reverse’ version of someone else grated on him- it’s a heck of an identity crisis, which is probably why he was so eager to accept his recolor and picked a new name almost immediately. He wants to differentiate himself- and forced the Squad to all go along with it. He’s over the top to the Nth degree to prove to HIMSELF that’s he’s the biggest, baddest cat in town. This is something that bugged him a lot.

On top of that, Sonic beat him- he brushed it off, and he could blame Locke for one of them, but generally, toe-to-toe, Sonic’s a better fighter since he just has more practice, and that’s something he does reluctantly admire. He thinks Sonic’s ‘full of untapped potential’- something he can use for himself, sure, but it’s untapped in his opinion specifically, because he thinks on the surface Sonic is just going about things all wrong with the power he has. 

Deep-down, he’s unsure of himself. He’s so egotistical and assholish on the surface because it covers that he’s overcompensating for the fact that pretty much every relationship he has is shallow, selfish, and liable to stab him in the back- and he knows it. If he pretends that’s how he wants things, maybe he can make himself (and everyone watching) believe it.

That’s why he cared enough about Sonic joining him. He wants Sonic to validate the choices he made. Sonic’s one of the only people whose opinion he genuinely cares about, even though it’s under a good few layers of jerkishness, because Sonic is a version of him that has a harder life but is much more successful. He can deny it all he wants, but he wants people to respect him, and all he can do is try to get a facsimile of that by busting heads together and ruling by fear, because anything too introspective leads him to things he doesn’t want to confront about himself- that he is weaker both in character and in battle, and a coward and a bully.

When Sonic turns him down he just brushes it off with ‘your loss’ and a big grin, (while holding Fiona tighter, as if to say ‘look what I have and you don’t’), but then he brings it back when he’s got the upper hand- if he was just rubbing in that Sonic could have avoided a beating, I feel like he would have phrased things differently. Resposting this image, ‘What IS IT with you?’ and ‘We could have done this together, but no! You decided to go the holier-than-thou route!’ says to me that he’s A: Genuinely offended, so the idea of them teaming up had come up in his head before now and wasn’t just thrown out on a whim, and B: He thinks that Sonic thinks that he’s better than him. (Which he does, because... well, he is.)

Scourge came back to Mobius to prove himself against Sonic, but even though he absolutely has the upper hand here, he knows something isn’t right- he doesn’t feel as satisfied as he should. He can’t figure out exactly what he wanted, and is taking it out on Sonic. He’s defensive and aggressive at the same time here- why would he care if Sonic thought himself better than him when he’s already declared that he’s the ‘superior’ of the two? Only his own opinion should matter if he just wants worship, shouldn’t it?

But he doesn’t just want blind worship. He thinks that he does, because that means he doesn’t have to get vulnerable, but he wants someone on his level.- he wanted them to rule the multiverse together. Fiona is decent enough- he does genuinely seem to like her and although their relationship was probably destined to fall apart at some point, for now she was a decent towel stuffed into the wound for that particular problem of ‘not having anyone to care about/to care about him’. However, he wants Sonic- his approval or his defeat, specifically. He wants Sonic either as a partner in crime or as a trophy- either way, he ‘wins’ and proves that his way of kicking his way to the top was the valid, right choice. Sonic is the true version of himself and the opponent he cares most about facing, and his approval means Scourge would win for real. Not getting that wedges a crack in his insecurities.

In his life, heroism had only ever led to problems. It led his dad to neglect him in service of trying to chase peace for everyone else, it led the world to crumble to pieces when that peace failed, and he learned violence was the only thing that got him attention, even though it was negative from everyone outside the Squad. So Sonic embodying that heroism ideal, and then beating him? It throws everything he thinks into question, and he wants to prove that he’s right so he doesn’t have to question it. 

He’s starving for positive interactions from people he respects since they’re so few and far between. He spent time thinking about a comment Sonic made during a previous fight, and then conquered the planet trying to chase the spirit of it even though he got it twisted to the point of unrecognizability. 

Scourge wants to be able to just mill his own confidence- to say he’s a badass and then believe it. And on some level, he can! But that’s flimsy and he requires some manner of outside support he has no real way of getting, and feeling like he’s being looked down on by Sonic hurts him more than he’d admit. 

So, TL;DR: Scourge wants Sonic to validate him and his (bad) worldview, and gets pissy when that doesn’t happen, because he unconsciously respects Sonic more than he’d admit and not getting that means he has to think about how he’s actually messed up in the past. He wants equals because shallow worship borne from fear isn’t a replacement for genuine affection, but he hasn’t matured enough to realize that’s what he actually wants/needs.

[encosy]

Eren Yaeger: A theory why the person devoted to freedom is in fact the least free character of all. (up to ch. 136)

Questions that lead me to this theory: Why did Eren behave so strangely? Why did he isolate himself from the rest? Why the hell did he decide to end the world? And why did he never really try to find another way?

“What about you is free?” - Chapter 134

So, despite the flood of possible theories people came up with, I couldn’t find any that provided satisfying answers for several contradicting moments. It had me reading the manga after all and musing three days and nights until I settled with a surprisingly simple approach that I haven’t yet found among the common theories. The short answer for Eren’s weird behaviour and decision for apocalypse remains the same: “Because I was born into this world”. But, in a different way of interpretation. If you don't want to read the long version, there's a summary at the end as well ;)

 So far, this quote had been mostly interpreted as justification for the freedom to live, and the freedom to fight for survival. It’s the ultimate justification for Erens decisions, no matter how despisable they are, since he's fighting for their own survival. Yet, it sounds somewhat odd from Eren Yaeger, who had always been anything but a philosopher to begin with. Why wouldn’t he justify his decision with “because they will never leave Eldia in peace”, “because it’s the only way to end the war”, “because they had taken everything from me” or simply “because we have to keep on fighting”. That would have sounded much more like him, but not such a cryptic statement.

With the latest chapters, it became apparent that Eren was indeed severely suffering under the guilt and notion of destroying the world. So why would he not think of a different way? Why don’t we see him talk to his friends and discuss alternatives? Why does he never even try to find a solution? If anyone, it would be Eren to fight against a future he didn’t want to accept, no matter how small the chance of success. But all he does is to refer to the inevitable, unchanging future. The only spark of rebellion shown is in the pathetic attempt to safe one boy, which again end in him stating that "the future doesn't change"

The idea that Eren is in fact not free to choose their future first struck me during his conversation with Rainer, where he claims they were both the same. Yes, they had both believed to do the right thing, to be a hero, but ended up with nothing but guilt, the wish to be judged upon and to finally put an end to it all. But in that moment, Eren had yet the chance to decide. It would have been so easy to accept Rainer as scapegoat for his revenge, but he only acts as if his decision was already set in stone. He never looked angry with Rainer to begin with. So it clearly wasn’t revenge he had in mind when attacking Liberio. In fact, he was simply moving forward and carrying out Zeke’s plan which would eventually lead him to his true goal: To eliminate the enemy.

Who or what exactly is the enemy/ enemies? (As far as I know, there’s no difference in Japanese language) First, it’s the titans, then the Marleyans, but now it seems to be cycle of life, death and hatred itself. Rainer, Zeke and Eren all came to this conclusion and even the last season’s opening song suggests this true motive: “Destruction, regeneration, you are the real enemy” (-My war-).

“Because I was born into this world” - reinvented

Chapter 121 underlines yet again that this phrase contains the central key to Eren’s motives. After all, it’s all it needs to thwart the great plan of Zeke – the most sharp-witted character that had been fooling everyone else throughout the whole story. Zeke’s demise came from assuming that Eren had been brainwashed by his father, hence believing it was possible to change his mind. And that’s totally legit since no normal person would be born “like this”, showing such hatred and craving for freedom from birth. In fact, the story shows no other character than Eren who despises the walls, even though he’d been living a fairly comfortable life.

Zeke probably realized in that moment: Eren was never a normal child (Carla: “He’s already great because he’s born into this world). That doesn’t only refer to his character traits and motives, but he even proves that when opposing Zeke in the other world. First, by freeing himself from his shackles, and later when he stops Ymir (Zeke: “It’s pointless, Eren. Once Ymir, the founder begins to move, nothing in this world can stop her.”). This gives two options: Either, Ymir is not the founder, or Eren is not of this world (or both). And since the idea of Eren being the true founder for whatever time-wrecking reason is far too screwed for me to grasp, I’ll stick with the latter option. It could be what Carla refers to as well, and a reason why his titan looks a lot more devilish than any other shifter before.

What does Eren really want?

When chapter 122 “From you, 2.000 years ago” responds to the very first chapter’s title, it seems very likely, that the original message was from Ymir to the present. When Eren finds her, he already knows that she had been suffering and waiting there for someone – most probably him – (“Is it you who led me here? You must have been waiting. All this time.”) and shows deep empathy by going as far as to hug her by choice (at this moment, I can’t remember him showing such affection to anyone else before, but feel free to correct me). It looks as if his intrinsic will to fight for freedom has led him to this single moment of importance, where he frees Ymir from her curse to serve the power of titans.

Interestingly enough, even though everyone knows that she gained back then, no one knows yet what the devil wanted in return. Seeing that Ymir is not at all the almighty deity, but not more than a slave, it’s likely that this was not her wish at all, but part of the bargain she now has to endure “into eternity” (as determined by the first king). Perhaps Eren symbolizes the in-time reincarnation of the devil to fulfil the bargain. But more likely, Eren was created ‘like this’ because he was the first chance in the timeline to enable her liberation (my wild guess is that Ymir herself sent him, but it could as well be the devil, the true founder, a twisted part of a past Eren or all of them at once. I don't think it doesn’t really matter who exactly started the whole ordeal.)

In chapter 122 he finally reveals he wants to “put an end to this world” to do so. He repeatedly says that he will destroy the world, but he never once said he wanted to do it, or that he wanted to kill all the people. As I see it, “putting an end” refers more to breaking the cycle than to committing omnicide.

So. What if Eren had never been in a position to make decisions, but Ymir? It looks like her motives are surprisingly simple, not more than a ‘normal person’s’. All she ever wanted is to be loved. She sacrificed everything, her life, and her humanity – even her freedom to die. But no matter what she did, she was only used for humanity’s (Fritz’s) greed. Over the course of the millennia, she gathered the hatred to destroy the world, but Eren is in no position to stop her because it goes against his destiny. In fact, Eren is quite graphically displayed as a puppet on strings. I think that’s also why Eren acted so strangely around his friends. Ever since seeing the entire future, he had been well-aware that he can’t do anything about Ymir and the apocalypse, but he hopes they are capable of ending him, and he went as far as to insult them only to make their job easier. Already back in ch. 84 when they had to decide between the life of Armin and Erwin, Eren claims to know it will be Armin to safe humanity, not him. This suggest again that Eren does not think of himself to be acting for the right cause, but rather as the (literally) spineless key for Ymir.

To summarize: Seeing just how tormented Eren was by what would happen, how he tried to subtly encourage his friends to judge and stop him, and how he didn't show any semblance of his defining will to fight a future he didn't want, I now believe that Eren has never been the one to make decisions in the first place, but a key destined from birth to only serve one purpose: To free Ymir and end the era of titans. The quote "I was born into this world" thus doesn't act as justification for his decision, but as reference to his key role for the inevitable.

Soo, feel free to prove me wrong or correct mistakes. After all, there’s only so many quotes I remember and it’s natural to see the world with a subjective filter once you have an idea in mind. There are still several details that don’t seem to quite fit, but this is the best conclusion I could draw.

Also, taking this theory further to the present plot of chapter 136 and possible endings, my suspicions are much more vague. But there's one more detail I picked up and would like to share:

Just before Ymir is about to die in her tale, someone says “You’re free”. It would fit Isayama’s sense for loops that Ymir, who had escaped death (= freedom) from being hunted down, now finally ends her prolongued life by being killed (= freed) by Eren Jäger. I think it would give more credit to his name than the usual reference to hunting (more specifically, eradicating) titans.