#I did better than expected but still lots of room to grow and develop

[thegabberwocky]

Inglorious Basterds doodles

[autball]

Part 2 of a 5 part series about the ways harmful practices can be made to sound more appealing and how to spot the differences between helpful and harmful approaches. Self-regulation skills for kids are all the rage right now, and there are lots of people who will tell you that they have just the program for that. Which sounds awesome, right? Self-regulation is great! Who wouldn’t want that for their kid who is just so upset all the time?

The problem is that these people think self-regulation is just a set of skills you can teach someone. Or even better, that if you ignore a person in distress long enough, they’ll magically come up with those skills on their own. (Like, what even is that logic? Oh right, it’s the same thinking that makes people believe the Cry It Out method for babies is a good idea.)

But that’s not how that works. Self-regulation skills come from safe co-regulation, and the learning begins in infancy. Then it takes YEARS of more co-regulation and brain development to get to a place where a person can even start to recognize the need for and use those skills of their own volition.

Oh, and they also have to have enough time NOT in distress to even know what it feels like to feel safe and regulated in the first place. They need room to develop said self-regulation skills. You can’t just keep a kid in a pressure cooker all the time and expect them to learn how to “regulate” through it (which is exactly what many people are doing to the autistic and ADHD kids they put through these programs).

When you try to teach self-regulation skills to a stressed out, traumatized child without doing ANYTHING to make their environment safer and less demanding, or doing ANYTHING to make yourself a safe co-regulator, the most you can hope for is that your child gets good at *acting* calm and *performing* regulation skills (and that’s if it doesn’t just backfire completely). But the inner turmoil is still there, and they still have no idea how to deal with it.

And kids who are left alone in their distress don’t “develop skills.” At least not any healthy ones. They just keep crying or lashing out until they can’t anymore, and they learn that no one cares to help them in their darkest moments. If you do it long enough, you might even push them into shutdown or fawn mode, which is super convenient for the adults, but devastating for the child. For the record, breathing exercises are not inherently bad. Neither is learning to recognize body sensations or what “zone” you’re in or any of the other things that can help with self-awareness (as long as we’re not sending the message that certain feelings are “good” or “bad”). It’s just that those things don’t work for everyone, and they’re not a substitute for safety and co-regulation.

Kids need safe adults, and they need to be around them more for than just an hour or two a week in therapy session. It’s the *caregivers* who need to learn *co-regulation skills,* not the children who need to learn self-regulation skills. It’s the *adults* who need to de-stress the child’s life, not the child who needs to learn how to handle overwhelming amounts of stress better. And it’s the *adult’s* job to nurture self-regulation, not a child’s job to try and figure it out on their own.

(There’s even more to self-regulation than this, of course, like the sensory processing element and the fact that being regulated is not just about being “calm,” and I’ll touch more on those in tomorrow’s post about Frustration Tolerance.)

I learned most of what I know about how children develop self-regulation through co-regulation from Mona Delahooke, and I highly recommend her work if you want to learn more about it. Trauma Geek also has information on how to find felt safety as an adult if you didn't get enough co-regulation growing up. https://www.traumageek.com/blog/3-foundational-truths-about-nervous-system-science

P.S. Did you know you can co-regulate with animals, too, or even a tree?! They might not be the greatest at modeling skills or validating your feelings, but they can still contribute to felt safety.

[shellforbrains]

okay, strap in, here we go.

i think i & a lot of other people went into Apology Tour expecting Stolas to be at different point in his character development then he actually is. but that development is definitely still coming!

a deep dive into where Stolas currently is at character wise with insights from my own personal life experience.

in this deep dive into where he currently is, i want to use what i personally have experienced & witnessed in my own life as a guide. bc if i'm being honest, after i had time to mull it over, looking at Stolas in this episode was both like looking in a mirror & also like looking at some of my own family members who i have tried to correct on their own microaggresions in the past.

now i want to preface this by saying that i am white. i will not be speaking on this from the perspective of a POC. i am speaking on this from the perspective of someone who has had to go on a similar (but obvs not as extreme) journey that Stolas is on, and as someone who has seen people i love vehemently deny their problematic actions when i have tried to tell them how harmful they are & how hard it is to actually argue with them about it.

and i'd also like to add that i am not trying to shit on Stolas with this & say that Blitzø did nothing wrong in their arrangement ever or in Apology Tour. Blitzø is also on a character arc of his own & growing as a character.

both he AND Stolas continued to suck at communicating this episode, & it wasn't anyone's sole fault there. i'm focusing less on their conflict (though of course i will make reference to it) & more focusing on where Stolas currently is in his journey & how him acting the way he does in AT is... not far off from reality, honestly.

even if it's painful to watch at times, i do have to commend the writing there haha. bc it's pretty fuckin' spot on.

okay with all that out of the way, let's get our hands dirty:

the description of the episode itself confirms that Stolas is "still not quite being self-aware enough at times" & boy did they hit the nail on the head here lmao.

i think most people will agree that Stolas still has a LOT to learn about the race/class difference & the power imbalance between he & Blitzø, but even still, some were expecting better out of him in AT than what we got. myself included.

but let's look at FM from his perspective:

he's off his meds & obviously went into that night with a very black & white view of the possible outcomes: either Blitzø returns his feelings & they'll be dating by the end of the night, or he's been keeping Blitzø against his will & is a monster. no room for shades of grey.

and when Blitzø (understandably for multiple reasons) mistakes this basically out of nowhere declaration of feelings as a form of rp, Stolas (very understandably) gets his feelings hurt. he shuts down & stonewalls.

he doesn't see any shades of grey when Blitzø chases after him, says he needs a minute to think, makes reference to his feelings being played with, or the fact that, while aggressive, Blitzø was trying to talk things out with him. Stolas only hears the yelling and (again, understandably) gets triggered.

ALONG WITH, it seems, only hearing the "everything you've put me through, you rich, privileged asshole" comment & the "treat me like one of your butler imps" comment. which, if i'm being honest, i think ALSO really hurt his feelings, based on how he ends up acting the next day in AT.

here's where my personal experience comes in, so let's tldr my story real fast:

i was raised in a fairly privileged position & was basically brainwashed into far right ideology from a young age at the private school i attended. trust me, i went on a WILDASS journey to unlearn some of the craziest & most vile shit that had been hammered into my head since i was a little tiny child. it's a tough journey, too, that's filled with a lot of ups & downs.

part of what makes Stolas such a special character to me is seeing that journey reflected on screen with the good, the bad, & the ugly. which is also why i get very frustrated with fans that want to ignore the bad & the ugly parts of Stolas' character & journey.

bc, yes, while he is a fictional character, it is always important to hold oneself accountable. even though i am a completely changed person from who i was all those years ago, i know that even at 33 there are probably things i still need to unlearn that i just haven't stumbled upon to challenge me yet.

the journey that Stolas is on is not a single switch flip or a short, easy one. nor should it be treated as one. however, i think it's important to dive into these things and see where it's coming from, even if it shines light on the bad & the ugly in a way that some people may not like.

now with my personal experience in mind, & how Full Moon went from Stolas' perspective, let's finally address that painful exchange that happens the morning after Full Moon.

emotions are still high, neither of them has had time to really process, Stolas is still very deep in his own feefees, and those feefees are HURT.

Blitzø, in his mind, has rejected a relationship with him. as well as accused him of being a racist/classist, something that Stolas does NOT see himself as. and, like ANY privileged person mostly oblivious to their own behavior, he gets his feefees hurt over this as well as getting very defensive about it.

while the bar is quite literally in hell, Stolas DOES treat imps... better than other Goetia. that doesn't mean he treats them WELL, bc he DOESN'T, but to Stolas himself, he sees other goetia carry imps around in purses like animals or throw them around like objects like Stella did. in his mind, he's treating imps very well! so he must think, "so why would Blitzø or that Stiker guy even say anything like that?! that's ridiculous & hurtful!"

enter stage left Blitzø, who starts off with his typical sexy talk which then turns into needling/arguing. (once again, oof. they both continue to suck at communicating this ep so hard.)

and when this exchange happens, it is... it is so quintessential oblivious privileged person getting defensive.

"i'm not racist/classist! when have i EVER done something like that? you talk just like those people that hate all white/rich people!"

i have literally heard basically those exact words, and ones similar to what Stolas says later, from family that i have tried to point out microaggresions to before.

microaggresions are called microaggresions for a reason & are obviously not considered the same as the more outwardly hateful shit for a reason. they are harder for people to realize that they are doing/participating in and therefore very easy to get their feefees hurt over & defensive about.

bc the ppl committing microaggresions hear the big, ""scary"" words like "racism" or "classism" & think of the most extreme examples, not the ""mundane"" shit that THEY do. so if someone says they're being racist/classist, they think they're being accused of the extreme shit & think people are being absolutely ridiculous.

bc OBVIOUSLY Stolas isn't carrying an imp around in a purse or yeeting them like Stella does so what's the big deal, right? /s

moving forward in their exchange, we come to these lines. and here's where, if i haven't ruffled feathers already, i'm probably going to ruffle them now.

by saying this, Stolas DOES make a point but also... DOESN'T at the same time, ending up only reinforcing his own ignorance & lack of self-awareness. but before anyone starts furiously typing to me, let me explain.

Blitzø DOES need to hear this to begin to understand how Stolas has been making attempts & does care in his own way, just like how Blitzø also needed to hear what Fizz said in Oops for the same reason.

HOWEVER, just like how Fizz said what he said in Oops without full context of the arrangement that Blitzø & Stolas had, Stolas says what he says here without the full context of his actions & how they actually read to Blitzø, especially in the context of the deal they had.

he is genuine about his attempt to make Blitzø understand he cares, but just like before, this is ALSO quintessential privileged person being defensive.

"if i were racist/classist why would i want to date a POC/a poor person? if i were racist/classist why would i want to be seen with a POC/a poor person? if i were racist/classist why would i want to spend time with a POC/a poor person or support them?"

yes, Stolas cares about Blitzø. but this is called being seen as an Exception or One Of The Good Ones. Stolas doesn't look down on Blitzø as much as he does other imps, but that doesn't make Blitzø feel any better. and even still, while Blitzø is the Exception, it still doesn't mean that he isn't still looked down on or been the victim of microaggresions from Stolas.

and honestly, some of the talk i've seen these past few days around the fandom regarding this has been... very fucking exhausting.

yes, i more than anyone understand that Stolas is not self-aware enough to fully realize his own behaviors yet. but everyone seems to be putting this entirely on Blitzø's shoulders to fix & educate Stolas on this despite the fact that Blitzø is also hurting & neck deep in his emotions as well.

Stolas gets a pass for being ignorant & uneducated & neck deep in his feelings but Blitzø is apparently supposed to be able to articulate perfectly to Stolas every microaggresion he's suffered & be able to sit him down & give him a lecture on Hell's Racism & Classism.

just like how it is not the job of POC to educate white people, or any other underprivileged group to educate a privileged one, it is NOT entirely on Blitzø's shoulders to educate Stolas.

Stolas is approx. 36 years old & has a smartphone. Google (or i guess it's gaggle in hell) exists & Stolas shows later on in AT that he DOES indeed have tiny blips of self-awareness, little nagging feelings that he's missing something.

yes, it would definitely HELP to have Blitzø explain his own perspective to Stolas, as i'm sure Stolas would be willing to listen if Blitzø can find a way to properly elaborate. and i do think Blitzø WILL at some point in the future do that!

BUT. confronting or educating loved ones is SO much harder than anyone else. i think part of the reason WHY Blitzø has a hard time saying specifics to Stolas (besides his own self-hatred & communication issues) is BECAUSE he cares about him so much.

it was not easy at ALL for me to try to confront loved ones in my life about their behavior, & being met with the defensive reactions only made it more painful on top of that. it is not uncommon at all for ppl to let a privileged loved one get away with things that they would NEVER let someone else get away with.

this leads into where i basically want to say... if you're having any worry or doubts about Stolas' character arc right now, don't worry. we've gotten some pretty clear signs from AT that there's still plenty to be addressed on Stolas' side & that it WILL be coming.

he simply is just not as far along in the journey as some of us thought he was, & that's okay. he'll get there, even if it is painful right now.

personally, my biggest theory on HOW he'll get there is the whole "Stolas is stripped of his title & everything he owns" theory that's been circulating around the fandom. something that drastic happening to him, leaving him with nothing, & forcing him to see what Hell is actually like for the lower class outside of his gilded cage would be one hell of a wake up call for him.

but even if that theory isn't correct, i still believe that it will not just be solely Blitzø or others around him showing Stolas the error of his ways.

i am of the opinion that something drastic will happen that will also help shift his view much more into focus & make him even more receptive to what he's being told about the racism & classism of Hell.

bc oftentimes, it DOES take something drastic in a journey like this one to actually light a fire under one's ass. what that will be for Stolas...? well, i guess we'll just have to wait & see!

[lunarflux]

I find it so interesting that Alicent's only reference to what Aemond "somehow" has become is strictly based on what happened to Luke at Storm's End, and I suppose what happened at Rook's Rest with Rhaenys (I don't think it was said that Cole told her it was him, but idk). It's one thing to have seen your youngest (sorry, Daeron) son grow up to be a psychopath and show no sympathy towards anything, but up until that point, Aemond really didn't do much outside of what was expected of him.

Her tending to Aegon with guilt set my brain on fire because what did she honestly expect? She coddled her children with blankets soaked in ice water and expected them to find warmth on their own. All three of her children display different results of what happens when you neglect your children. Aegon acts out to get any reaction from her because any reaction is better than no reaction, and when he finally goes to her, pleading for help because no one wants to listen to him during Small Council, she just shuts him down. Aegon is still young, and there was more than enough room in his development for her to be his mother in all senses of the word. Helaena basically gave up on anyone trying to understand her, and had Alicent offered like... a minute of actual comfort when Jaehaerys died, Helaena might not have had a literal panic attack (though that panic attack was totally warranted because that scene was honestly suffocating even as a viewer).

In terms of her relationship with Aemond, exactly how often does this woman talk to her children beyond the niceties? Aemond's choice to own what happened to Lucerys was a result of "no one did anything, so I fucking did it myself" instead of "I was angry, and maybe I did want him dead, but I didn't understand the consequences of holding onto anger and letting it fester, and now it's too late." Aemond 100% admired his mother when she tried to claim Luke's eye, but where did that motherly protection go? Even if she went full tilt and took the "Well, Luke never got punished" stance, yes, Aemond might still be where he's at, but she wouldn't be outwardly condemning his actions and might not be confused as to how we ended up here. Better yet, she wouldn't be shocked that Aemond has the silent confidence to take over as Prince Regent.

Aemond's face while waiting for the Small Council's decision on who will rule in Aegon's stead was honestly so funny. He already knew - he played the game. He let his brother flail helplessly and drown as King, and spent time showing his hand, showing how capable he can be. All this to say, Alicent REALLY ignored whatever the hell he was doing because if she hadn't, she would have found more than one moment where she could step in and mold him into a ruler who takes her opinions into account.

"Aemond is still young" so is Aegon?? And you were?? Idk okay with him doing whatever the fuck he was doing???? He also has little experience, so you can't use that argument now that the Council is backing Aemond.

I know the woman is fed up because of all the men fucking things up around her but holy shit woman - use your power as a woman and as a mother to mold them through manipulation without them knowing.

Quick edit now that it's the morning and can actually think past fatigue: I know what we're privy to about Alicent/Aemond's relationship is mostly inferred. There's a lot left to the imagination, and when I say "passed the niceties," I'm referring to the kinds of conversations that are essentially shallow. Alicent says what she needs to say, but there's no warmth since she speaks from the position of duty. There are touches of this when Aemond volunteers to go find Aegon in s1. We see Alicent confide in her father, but we don't see those thoughts said to Aemond which might have provided more for him in terms of her sympathy and protectiveness towards him (following the eye incident because she does comfort him there). Additionally, my main focus and why I have these opinions is Alicent's use of the word "somehow." Aemond has, for the most part, made an assumption of his mother's behavior, so she does the same. The assumptions can be made through the observation of someone's actions and not necessarily through conversation.

That being said, I am taking these stances from the POV of someone who only watches the show as I don't like to compare the developments between the product and the source material. Comparison is the thief of joy, and adaptations for TV will never be as accurate and concise as we'd like them to be.

[icallhimjoey]

If tomorrow is the end of the world, one of the last things I wanna do is reading a oneshot of Joe and Hazel because I miss that little bitch a lot. Thank you in advance.

so, i vowed to never write baby hazel again, and yet, here we are... you're welcome Wordcount: 1.3K

--- Great Mum, Great Team

"What a terrible development," you said aghast though you were smiling, apples in your cheeks round and blushing. You were stood in the doorway to Hazel's bedroom, amazed at what you were looking at.

"I cannot believe my eyes!"

Joe sat on the carpet next to Hazel who was trying her very best to put on her mary jane's correctly, right shoe on right foot, left shoe on left foot.

Joe fully ignored you, eyes trained on Hazel's feet, just like hers were.

She struggled with the straps, tiny fingers trying to sort her toes out and not let her socks get in the way. You saw the tip of her tongue peek out in concentration, and saw how Joe, for whatever reason, copied it.

Your heart was overflowing with proud love for her as you saw her put real effort in, eyes flitting up to Joe for encouragement. It swelled your chest, pained it wonderfully.

"Nearly there. Yep, you got it." Joe spoke softly, not lending a hand, which really impressed you. You had a way of taking over, wanting to help out and just get the task done.

This was better parenting, what you were looking at.

Hazel's left heel slipped into the shoe and she immediately moved to stand up, grabbing onto a hand that Joe held out for stability.

"Yeaaa. High five, Hazel!" Joe exclaimed, holding up a palm that got hit by two smaller ones.

She did it.

"I can't believe it." you made big eyes as you smiled at her when Hazel skipped closer, telling you all about how she put her shoes on all by herself because she was a big girl now.

Something you'd been trying to convince her of for weeks.

"See, didn't I tell you?"

It seemed like she thought it was all way too far-fetched when you told her she was old enough to put her shoes on by herself, though.

The standard reaction you'd get was, "Can you please help me, mummy? I can't do it by myself." and you'd try. You'd really try. You'd tell her things like, no babe, I know you can do it, if you don't, you'll have to go outside without any shoes on and your socks will get all wet, and that doesn't sound very nice, does it?

But you'd grow impatient.

It would just take too long.

"She's going to need a big girl bed soon, too, don't you Hazel?" Joe said, getting up himself now too. Hazel ignored the both of you as she skipped past you, on her way to the living room where the TV was still playing one of her shows.

You raised your eyebrows and huffed a laugh as you watched her disappear down the hall.

"I swear she thinks she's a teenager." Joe mused, stepping closer and letting his hand fall to your waist.

"Yea, a teenager who only listens to you, it seems."

"Well," Joe leant closer for a quick peck to your lips. "Stop being such a push-over then."

Joe expected you to drop your jaw, to frown deep, and to shove at him, because he was clearly only joking.

But instead you sighed and quietly said "Yea, I know." much more sorrowful than he ever wanted to hear you.

You thought maybe it was your voice. You didn't think you sounded very authoritative, that you didn't tend to make demands very well.

Hazel always poked right through your demands. Didn't take them seriously like you wanted her to.

"Hey," Joe whispered worriedly, forcing eye-contact before saying, "You know you're not a push-over, right? I was only joking."

You smile at his gentleness. At the instant care he's got ready for you.

"No, I am. It's okay. I shouldn't have made such a headstrong child, it's my own fault." you tried your hand at humour, and Joe nearly bought it.

You could hear how Hazel opened a cabinet in your living room, followed by the sounds of the box with wooden blocks being dragged out. Hazel didn't really have time to play right now, Joe had just gotten her to put her shoes on for a short trip to the market. You didn't really need anything, but it was nice to get out of the house and tire Hazel out a bit.

"Baby," you called out to her, leaning away from Joe a little as to not shout right into his ear, and were about to tell your daughter to put the blocks back. But then Joe pulled you in close and pressed his nose into your cheek, softly saying, "No, let her. We're not in a hurry, are we?"

You realised just then that you weren't, and, to Joe's relief, finally swung arms around his neck to hug him back.

Through kisses to your cheek, Joe murmured, "You realise that only headstrong girls can make headstrong girls, don't you?"

You couldn't help smiling as you closed your eyes, relishing in this little moment of affection Joe created.

"You have no idea..." you started, humour in your tone. "How long I struggled to get her to put on her shoes the other day. And guess how that whole altercation ended?"

Joe kept his face stuck to yours, not moving away in between kisses, just making noises with his lips against your cheek.

"Who ended putting the shoes on?"

"Was it you?" Joe spoke out of the sides of his mouth, all hot air against your skin, unintentionally raspberrying you as he did.

"It was me." you confirmed, and you let a laugh escape in a huff through your nose.

"Hmm," Joe mused, moving to press his forehead against yours. "Just means you're nurturing. Caring. So sweet, and kind."

You got a kiss pressed to your lips.

"Yea, well... would just be nice if she listened to me like she listens to... well, literally anyone else. Not to, you know–"

You didn't want Joe to think he fell into that category. He very much wasn't literally anyone else to Hazel.

"I know." Joe understood.

"She– you definitely are dad, you–"

"I know. I was trying to compliment you, just accept it. You're a great mum." Joe shut you up, pressed more kisses to your mouth and let his arms wrap tighter.

You stood in Hazel's bedroom's doorway and let yourself drown in Joe's fondness for you. Joe showed it all the time, but there weren't many moments where you stopped everything you had going on to fully accept it for a moment.

And Joe lived for these moments.

It was only short-lived though. It always was.

From the living room you heard a crash of block, followed by a silence that then got broken by beginning cries from Hazel.

They quickly grew in volume.

You were about to pull away from Joe, already mentally picking Hazel up from the floor to hug close to your chest. But Joe held you and said, "Wait..." as he turned his ear towards the living room, listening. Waiting.

It just took a second longer for Hazel to start to cry out for her mum, and a smile spread across Joe's face.

"See? Mum. She needs you. No way that she was going to call out for anyone else. It's why we make such a great team."

You rolled your eyes as Joe made his point, finally losing his tight grip so you could make your way over.

Joe followed and watched as you bent over to pick up a crying Hazel who was holding a small hand to her head next to a big pile of wooden blocks. It was obvious a tower had fallen over and she'd gotten hurt in the process.

You shushed her and swayed as you comforted her, asking her if she'd hurt her head, if it was the blocks that got her.

Hazel's soft whimpers confirming that it had been the wooden blocks made Joe pout at her sad little voice.

When you turned to look at him, Joe's face smoothed out.

"Great mum." he mouthed, and you scrunched up your nose in response.

"Great team." you mouthed back.

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @bylermaxmayfield, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma77645, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @miserybeans, @munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[jo-harrington]

Corroded Coffin Fest - Day 10 - Pride

Summary: Eddie Munson should know to expect the unexpected. Especially when it comes to himself.

Word Count: 898

Rating: T

Warnings/Themes: Older!Eddie, Rockstar!Eddie, Asexual!Eddie/Demi!Eddie, Discussion of Sexuality, self-discovery, mention of relationships (Steddie and other), mentions of sex (non-graphic?), it vibes more than describes

Note: This truly could have gone for the Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll prompt--and I have another idea for that one--but I chose this one. Much like a lot of our writing, this is more of a personal thing vs a CCFest thing; mirrors a lot of my own self-discovery and identity. But you gotta roll with the punches sometimes.

Check Out the Main Post for @corrodedcoffinfest here! Even if you didn’t start on Day 1, you can still join!

Tagging: @the-unforgivenn at her request.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

He'd always wanted the rockstar life but he’d never understood it.

On paper it all seemed perfect. A dream.

Recognition for his talent and hard work. Endless praise. To be someone and go somewhere, and not get stuck where the name Munson was worth less than the dirt.

Of course, fame had other expectations.

There were reasons dreams and realities were two separate entities.

How could expectation meet reality when reality had so many expectations of its own?

Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll. It was all in the name right?

But...straight...that was the default setting, the norm.

And Eddie Munson had never been normal.

The expectation?

You date a few girls, maybe fuck one of them. Or a few. You find your person, find your girl. Fall in love. Get married. Sometimes, love wasn't even required.

Eddie considered himself a romantic, so he always expected...always wanted someone to love.

But sex was everywhere, the talk of the town. He tried it with some varying levels of intrigue or indifference.

He liked feeling good though, and he always felt good when he touched himself. So he learned what made him feel good when someone else touched him too. He’d just…never really gotten to the point where he found anyone who he wanted to touch him more than once.

If at all.

The act...the pleasure...was always separate from the person.

The people he did find interesting? Most times they were characters from tv and movies, one-sided loves that he fantasized about and wished to have. If there was a God, He would let Eddie have his celebrity crushes…his fictional favorites.

But there wasn’t a god, and more often than not, he was left alone with his imagination.

Or his disappointment.

Then along came Steve.

That was a journey in and of itself for both of them. First there was adversity, and then a tenuous truce. Then there was something else.

The nerves felt good. The heart to hearts. They both convinced themselves “he's not a bad guy” and then “he’s kinda hot” and “he looks like a good kisser.” Until they took a chance and it turns out they were both good kissers, both good at other things, both good for each other.

Until those expectations snuck in again.

As much as they cared for one another, Eddie was ever the non-conformist and Steve? Well, he lived in the shadow of the world's expectations.

Heartbreak led to bad choices, which led to good lyrics, and better gigs until finally, finally they made it.

Eddie made it.

Self development became self discovery, and the whirlwind of a new world where he had access to literally anything and everything. It wasn't just growing up, it wasn't just a new awareness.

The fame brought endless people who tried to get close to him, tried to touch him, help themselves to his life. His rooms filled up with new and unfamiliar faces. They'd suck and fuck until they had their piece of his pie.

He took advantage of that, of course. Tried to feel good when everything made him feel horrible. Found what he liked and what he didn’t and what made him moan and what made him squirm.

And what…a lot of what…made him feel nothing at all.

Until that was the norm.

A norm outside of the norm.

An expectation for only himself because he realized...no one else mattered. Not when the equation started and ended with him.

For the first time in his life there wasn’t a question of who or what or when or where. Because the answer was sort of “none of the above” and also “all of the above, just in the right scenario and maybe with the right person.”

"You're just tired," they'd tell him. "You just need a break."

Until the break was too long.

"You just haven't found the right person."

But no one piqued his interest.

"How about we set you up with..."

And he tried.

"Try harder."

But he couldn't.

"Come on, smoke this, try this, do this. Change this. Be this."

Until he snapped.

"That isn't me!" He screamed to an empty room. Yes, full of people...but empty faces, empty eyes, empty heads. Staring through him, not seeing him for him. "I can't do it anymore!"

Alone.

Alone and alone and alone.

For the first time in a long time.

As the full rooms emptied themselves of those empty people. As they left him behind.

Silent.

Because he they didn’t know a word for what he was. Didn’t know what to say.

So they didn't say anything.

He was outside of the norm.

Freak once again.

Happy, once again.

Proud.

"But you're not alone Ed."

He stood in a corner of the otherwise empty room and in the other three?

Dave and Jeff and Gareth.

Not empty. Full. Full of love and awareness and acceptance. Full of support. Just like they'd always been for his awful plans and harebrained schemes.

This was no scheme though. It was just him.

Eddie Munson considered himself a romantic, and he always expected...always wanted someone to love.

And maybe the kind of love that he desired--that was expected by both himself and the world--would come to him again, just like it had in the past.

For now though--forever--he could be happy with a different kind.

A love from his friends.

And a love for himself.

[ningningsdream]

the villain in your story | part forty two

word count: 1k

"come in, come in.", jeno invited you in after opening the door for the three of you. you could see the shock on his face when he saw you standing behind jimin and minjeong but decided not to comment on it, "you can put everything on the table. i'm going to call jaemin out."

"oh, i'll go.", you said, stopping jeno in his tracks, "i have to talk to him anyway.", you walked towards jaemin's room, being fully aware of the pairs of eyes following you.

you knocked on jaemin's door and waited for an answer.

"are they here already? i'm coming.", you heard him shout through the door.

you waited patiently, hands clasped behind your back while looking around. the door suddenly opened and you were met with a very surprised and stuttering jaemin. you couldn't make out a word he tried to say.

"can we talk?", your throat felt dry. you were nervous somehow.

jaemin stepped aside and motioned for you to come into his room.

the discussion you had with donghyuck, jimin and minjeong a few nights before really opened your eyes. you were so caught up in your own feeling of distress that you didn't fully process how jaemin must have been feeling. sure, you knew he probably felt a little down but hearing donghyuck talking about how jaemin was right after you left him in that room alone, to hide away from your problems, just made you hate yourself for acting that way. you should've at least tried to explain yourself a little more on the spot, instead of just abandoning him with questions and a pain growing in his chest. all you wanted to do after hearing that was talk to jaemin. whatever mess is going on between jiwoo and you, you owed him an explanation. you spent the few days after that, organizing your thoughts and what you wanted to tell jaemin so when the occasion came up, you'd be prepared. you thought it'd come when will suhturday open again but it came early than you expected.

"first of all, i'm sorry. for everything i put you through. i went mia on everyone for my own good but i didn't consider how it'll make you all feel... how it'll make YOU feel.", you said, your fingers fidgeting with each other.

"there you go again, playing with my feelings.", he said with a chuckle that sound more sad than joyful.

"i never played with your feelings, ever.", you shook your head, looking at him in the eyes for the first time in a while, "i just really needed some time to clear my mind and figure things out. not only with what's happening between us but with myself also."

"did you figure it out?"

"not everything but a little bit of it yeah.", you sighed with a little smile.

your thoughts ran through your mind like crazy as you tried to sum them up, forgetting your whole apology essay with just one eye contact with jaemin. you realized that you 100% develop feelings for him again, deeper ones that didn't seem to go away no matter what you did. there was still the jiwoo problem that you had to solve but you decided that you've had enough of jiwoo's love life dictating yours. the talk you had with donghyuck during the trip helped you a lot, you realized it became such a habit to overly baby jiwoo that it had become something toxic in your life. also, having jimin, minjeong and donghyuck's inputs on the situation, really helped you clear your mind. having been stuck in your point of view for a long time, it was refreshing to hear the people who watched the two of you get closer talk about it.

"i missed you.", you admitted, "i missed your presence, talking with you, seeing you...not only as a friend."

"i- you- you can't just come back and say that after disappearing for days after what happened.", jaemin was clearly affected by your presence and if he listened to his heart, he would forgive you on the spot but a little voice in his head was fighting to be treated better.

"i know. i just wanted to apologize to you, it's the least i can do.", you said, hands trembling a little because of how nervous you were, "i don't expect you to forgive me right away. i just want you to know that i'm truly sorry and that i regret what i did and how i handled things."

jaemin pressed his lips into a thin line, one question was still haunting his thoughts. he thought that he had partially an answer for it but your apologies just confused his theory, "can i know why you rejected me back then? you owe me that at least.", he tried to keep his composure neutral, even though all he wanted to do was to hold your shaky hands - a habit he noticed you had when you were nervous about talking about something you deemed important.

"you're right...", your eyes darted away from his face, a little ashamed of the reason you broke his heart, "i rejected you and also acted in a pushing-and-pulling way towards you because...someone close to me...likes you-"

he interrupted you, "jiwoo?", dots were starting to connect in his brain.

"how-", you looked back in his direction, eyebrows furrowed.

"i guessed it...with some help."

jaemin thought he did something to make you uncomfortable and that you probably hated him now, so hearing your reason for rejecting him, made him feel a lot of relief. he understood that you were in a shaky situation, especially when the other person involved was your friend.

"well, i have to talk to her first, we have a lot to discuss and i want to give her a heads up before we start anything-", you quickly corrected yourself, cheeks blushing at your slip of the tongue, "if we start anything."

jaemin reached out for your hands, "i'll wait for you.", he said, unknowingly warming your heart with his first smile since the start of the conversation.

his hands warmed yours and your hands stopped shaking unknowingly. you sent him a smile before saying, "we should probably go out before they think anything weird."

main masterlist | tviys masterlist

pairing: fem!oc x barista!jaemin, fembarista!reader x barista!jaemin

genre: fluff, angst, suggestive, barista!au, sns au

summary: girls' code prevents you from liking the guy your friend likes right?

a/n: i miss oreo renjun for real 🥹 and jaemin's too good

taglist: [@glamourizz @rinrinslovebot @beomibeom @moonjobf @hiqhkey @calssunflower @donghyuckster @vianna99 @kookiedesi @baehaechannie @nshimura @thiccfullsun @dear-dreamie @neobowlingshoez @jjaehmins @liliansun @bythe8 @hyuckrec @dearlyminhyung @ohmygs-blog @hoeshi17 @wonupuppy @shan-oldham @jeongintwt @renjunoya @najm00 @sukistrawberry @goldryush]

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[bhaalble]

Ok so past. The most non-spoiler way to say it is The Big Grey Warden Fight. Here are thoughts so far (spoilers ahead)

-First two hours had me NERVOUS they apparently saved all their cringest lines for those two hours ("People are always dying. It what they do" they could never make me not burst out laughing at you). After that though I genuinely think they found their footing. Still the occasional cringe or eyeroll moment but now at extremely manageable Bioware levels. I can feel the Gen Xer/Millenial in the room with me but they are no longer beating me over the head with Joss Whedon

-God this game is fucking gorgeous to look at every environment I could be in for hours. They keep bringing us to these highly anticipated locations and it keeps being better than I imagined.

-Roleplaying definitely feels more limited. In the spirit of Dragon Age 2 Two I've elected to play as the wisecracking scoundrel hero I feel the game is angling for after my attempt to oc kept crashing and burning. This isnt inherently a bad thing but time will tell if this will be like Hawke (where I am pretty locked into playing specific archetypes but there's enough wiggle room in there to play different kinds for freak) or Inquisition (where there's really only One kind of guy the game will let me realize via dialogue and if I want to do anything different I'll need to hc the shit out of them)

-Companions have proven vastly charming ajd are finally starting to develop the kinds of conflict I associate with Bioware companions. I very much get people who say they feel a little too nicesies for the series, I've felt that in different bursts on my own. That said they are all individually compelling enough for me to still be engaged. Possible my time with FFXIV has also just increased my appetite for groups of people who are Friendships. Neve Lucanis and Davrin have so far all been massive hits with me

-Was a little worried the choices were gonna feel too edgeless but I actually think the linear storytelling lends itself well here. My Shadow Dragon Rook chose to help Treviso believing their organization could handle the other archdemon without them and oh boy were they wrong!!! And the consequences of that have felt deeply palpable on an interpersonal level and a worldstate level

-Glamour system a lot of fun. Wish they let you try things on in the shop before purchasing

-Trans stuff has been both a lot of fun to play with and shockingly well-executed with some genuine variance in play. As a personal preference I tend to kind of repel when fantasy worlds have identical concepts of transition/identical terminology but its been really good to have as a dialogue option. Taash being possibly nonbinary/transmasculine has also been a kind of delightful surprise and I'm really excited to see where they go with it. never in a million years did I really expect them to do this with an R.O.

-BLIGHT IS SO FUCKING BACK DRAGON AGE HORROR IS SO FUCKING BACK ORIGINS/AWAKENING IVE MISSED YOU SO BAD

-DWARF LORE DWARF LORE DWARF LORE

- Weishaupt genuinely inspired a level of hype in me I haven't had for dragon age since my first time playing the battle of denerim. Extremely cinematic in a genuinely compelling way and the use of all the companions (not just whatever two I clocked on here) made it feel so much BIGGER and more engaging.

-In general I think its finally perfected making my inner circle feel like an inner circle rather than just a collection of guys i found in the woods. Its not just banter big team meetings, finding them talking to each other around the Lighthouse, cutscene interactions all make them feel like a proper growing unit. Almost like thats the theme or something-

-I don't mind the simple puzzles (because I am stupid) the environments are fun enough to navigate that it stays fun to complete them for me but I do wish maybe the companions would wait a little longer before prompting you. Hearing "we just need to destroy two more crystals", destroying one, then hearing "ok, one more, just up ahead!" in the span of ten seconds is. Something.

-While I do think that HR writing people are moaning about is a bit exaggerated (likely due to both the anti-woke weirdos and also the lack of companions just going for the throat on each other's lived experiences right away) I do think occasionally its a little too precious about anticipating the discourse. The poor Lords of Fortune get hit by this pretty hard the amount of emphasis drawn on btw we dont steal any cultural artifacts and we employ sensitivity Tomb Raiders is a little clumsily executed in a way that pulls you out of genuinely a cool idea (pirates turned guardians of a way of life that imperialism is trying to snuff out)

[craftypeaceturtle]

Random opinions and rambling on tottmnt below. You have been warned.

It was so much better than I expected. I'll admit I was kind of dubious about the show but it was really great. The animation was fantastic, character design was great, had some really original creative ideas.

Despite saying that... here's a bunch of mild complaints, haha.

Being honest.... the Bishop arc I liked a whole lot better than the East River 3 arc.

I loved what they did with Bishop. I definitely prefer just a blunt evil Bishop rather than a sympathetic villain. I'm glad they gave her more depth than in 2012 or even 2003 but I'm still glad that she remained evil.

Okay the whole thing with Splinter not talking was just so awkward and unnecessary. Like okay, you couldn't get Jackie Chan back. That's fine. TMNT is no stranger to swapping out voice actors. It became especially unbearable with the second half of the show.

I kinda expected to see Donnie grow to like tech because the film didn't have him be techy at all. But that was kind of ignored and now he's a tech genuis.

Okay, I'll be positive from now on.

I loved seeing the turtles on their own. I thought each episode focused on them gave them interesting development and characterisation. Leo being unconfident and needing to believe in himself. Donnie's genuinely low self esteem was interesting to see. Mikey feeling lost in who he is. It was all really interesting stuff to look in on and I think will inspire some great fanfiction.

Some genuinely interesting ideas that have never been explored in TMNT tv shows before. Like the idea of Leatherhead wanting to de-mutate or Splinter himself being the rat king. While I would love to see a traditional rat king, I still think Splinter being the rat king is an interesting direction and leaves room for a potential power struggle if there ever will be a traditional rat king.

Wish we had more moments with the brothers but the moments we did get are very sweet. Loved that they all kept hugging after being separated- even Raph.

Kind of random but I did like how the show everyone struggling to live together in the sewers. From Wingnut being really flighty and anxious to Raph getting really overwhelmed. That felt really awesome.

I loved how closely they tied the plots of each episode to the film. It really ties together into a neat package. Although if we are to be getting a second film, I wish the series built up to the potential film more. You know what I mean??

That's my thoughts for now. Maybe I'll post more later.

[lorwolf-salt]

in hindsight i think the site would've been better off focusing on having a smaller and stronger foundation (like having their referral system, achievements, storage, etc implemented from the start) instead of giving us a game to play. like, sorry to make comparisons to FR but i think with their development timeline being significantly slower at the start (see: adding a lot of major features over the course of years) it helped them temper player expectations while LW ended up jangling keys in front of our faces and now its lost its charm.

and like, another thing to consider is that FR didnt even have open registration until 2018, so they were effectively in a semi-open beta for five years. yeah i know it was because up until then their servers weren't up for having open gates 24/7, but i think that was also very helpful in communicating an air of "we are still working on this thing!" while LW now feels abandoned after being away for three months.

of course this isnt to say LW should have done the exact same as FR in not opening to the public for five years because the times have certainly changed and people expect more out of a petsim from day one in the present than they did a decade ago, but i really think they should have started smaller with more room to grow in the future. then again this is all running on the assumption that LW was built to last and wasn't a get rich quick scheme. i still have a smidge of hope that its just fumbling from well intentioned ignorance rather than malice, but we just have to wait and see.

[mdhwrites]

Thank you for your passionate answer to my anon question. I also wouldn't want amphibia post canon content to treat trauma as a way to develop a romance, because I agree that the girls needed that space to develop into their own person and any type of relationship attempts would have been a dumpster fire. When I asked that question, I was definitely thinking about the girls' mental health, if they ever thought too much about Amphibia or if the events that transpired changed the girls more than they expected.

As an example, I like to wonder if post Amphibia Sasha ever thought if she was using femininity as a social "weapon" to raise herself to the top and maybe even developed negative connections to it, or if that part of her didn't change at all. I also wonder if she ever regretted growing apart from the other two and if she would see it as a failure of her part in her attempts to be a better friend/person.

So... here's the thing: My base complaint still applies here: Is what you're describing ANYTHING like why you actually enjoy Amphibia? Because your original ask presented it as a flaw of the show. That the show should have dedicated time to these subjects once the world the show is named after is gone. You know, now that the fantastical elements have left and everyone has to return to regular lives.

Admittedly, that is actually an interesting idea with plenty of room, I like what you're thinking... But it's for a Future series. A series like Steven Universe Future or Fiona and Cake (and this is a point I wanted to bring up but couldn't find a place for it) are SEPARATE from their base series for a reason. That distance allows for a drastically different approach to tone, story telling priorities, etc. like that. Hell, it's part of why Amphibia has actually done better at keeping its fandom together post the series ending because there are SO many questions as to how everyone handles the time after, including the world itself.

But that plausibility space isn't a flaw of the show, unlike how you presented it in your original ask. Honestly, it's a good sign of how rich the characters were that you're asking these sorts of questions and that these questions are valid. I proved in the last ask though that it did interrogate, even if subtly, the mental health and ramifications these characters faced from these trials. It said a shocking lot about it but to ask a show to literally cover EVERY possibility?

That's simply unreasonable,and wouldn't be as satisfying as you think it would be, especially because at that point, you start diluting your themes and concepts, let alone the cohesion of your story. Matt wanted it to be three seasons and I can genuinely see a way of telling this in two seasons with not much less effective storytelling. To stretch it further? People already complain about the filler of Amphibia and now you want entire episodes dedicated to AFTER the story is done. After you've had your giant climax that brings all the themes, characters, concepts, etc. to a close with topics that potentially don't have a climax. That can't easily resolve.

How do you suggest that coheres to the rest AT ALL? It's likely even impossible honestly to ask of Disney television right now, who haven't had a Steven Universe Future yet, a series I'm told has REALLY mixed opinions and I can imagine why with what I've heard. Not even that it's a badly written show or that it tackles its subject matter childishly... But because it actually is well written and tackles its subject matter well which means making Steven be in pain, make mistakes, suffer and to make the triumph of the series be lessened by the consequences of that adventure. All of that isn't something a lot of audience members actually want because to potentially jeopardize the happy ending they got is going to upset many, let alone if you start questioning how good the entire journey was for these characters. It can potentially taint favorite episodes as you now know the damage those events caused.

So, AGAIN: Is that actually what you want out of your silly little frog show?

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[kayhi808]

More Than Our Scars - Part 17

You and Billy were able to stay away for 3 days in Beacon. As much as you were grateful to get Billy away from Kingpin, you knew it wasn't permanent. Billy was itching to get back to work. He did all this to make you feel better. It was for your benefit, which you appreciated. You were able to get outside and walk around like a normal human being. Bill took you to the museum. You finally got your date night. Shopping around for xmas presents for people in the office. You notice that though he may not have his actual memories back, you think his personality is emerging. Or maybe he's just healing & getting better. When you first met him, he was very cagey & rough around the edges. Now, he's more charming, his posture is different, he seems to be more comfortable in his own skin, scars & all. There's also a side of Billy you only had glimpses of; which you've dubbed, Murder Boyfriend. You're still trying to come to grips with that guy.

Frank is over at the Loft catching Bill up on work while he was gone. You and Frank haven't said anything to each other. If he wants to act dumb, whatever. You're not going to bend over backwards to garner his friendship if he doesn't want it. You were going to go to the bedroom, but Bill pulled you down next to him on the couch.

"What did you come up with on Dumont?"

Frank tosses a file on the coffee table & takes a seat across from you both. "She's a piece of work. She specializes in working with Veterans & PTSD trauma. But get this, at the age of 8, her dad who was a PTSD veteran threw himself AND Dumont out of a fucking window. He died, and she was injured, but survived. I don't know how she got her license. She's had run-ins with psyche wards growing up for multiple suicide attempts and I'm sure a shit load of Daddy issues. But I guess that's how she developed her draw to Veterans & PTSD. She's had a lot of success in her career, which is why I think your case got assigned to her. I don't think she specifically went after your case, but I'm still looking into that."

"Shit."

"I haven't been able to get Madani to return my calls. There were multiple meetings between Wesley & Wolf going back 2 months prior to the raid. Wolf has a nice little setup at home. Trust-fund wife, 2 kids...Special Agent to DHS gets paid well but nothing compared to what the little lady brings to the marriage." Frank nods at you, "I'll bet anything you were used to blackmail Wolf. Doesn't want the missus to know about his infidelities, video...photos..."

"Oh, God." You start to feel light-headed and nauseous. You have trouble catching your breath.

Billy grabs your hand but you shake him off & get up to leave. You barely make it to the bathroom before you throw up. "Babe,..."

"Leave me alone." Billy tries to rub your back & you swing out at him. "Don't fucking touch me!!"

"Y/N."

"Please, Bill." You start to cry & dry heave; your belly is already empty. "Go away. PLEASE."

"How can you expect me to leave you like this?" Crouched down next to you.

"Go finish your meeting with Frank." You kick out with your foot at him & end up plopping down on your butt. You cry harder begging him to go away.

Bill leaves because his presence is only upsetting you more. Frank is still in the living room when he returns. "She ok?" Bill shakes his head and Frank nods and continues. "So, we can assume blackmail was the leverage used to turn Wolf into an asset for Kingpin. He knows about the raid going down and can't stop it without exposing himself, so he leaks the info to Wesley."

"And Dumont?"

"I haven't found out Dumont's position in all this. Maybe Wolf has other agents under treatment. Maybe he's seeking treatment himself. I dunno, but I'm working on it."

"Thanks, keep me posted." Bill sees Frank out and goes to look for you.

You aren't in the bedroom or bath. He goes back to your old bedroom and finds you in bed there. He slides in behind you and wraps himself around you. You cry and he lets you. It goes on for a while. "Sweetheart, you need to stop. You're going to make yourself ill." You turn so you can bury yourself against his chest. He tucks your head under his chin like he always does, a hand fisted in your hair & the other rubbing your back. Your body is tensed up against his.

"I'm so very sorry."

"What are you sorry about, hmm?" You're quiet for a long time and Billy patiently waits you out.

"For the part I p..played in you getting hurt." You start to sob.

"What?? Y/N, stop. What are you talking about?" Bill pulls away from you and sits up.

You sit up & choke out an explanation between sobs. "What Frank said makes sense. Wolf wouldn't have told Wesley anything if he wasn't being blackmailed. They had evidence of m..me and him. And you almost died."

"And you think it's your fucking fault?!" You hide your face in you hands and cry. "Jesus fucking Christ!" He drags you into his lap and just rocks you. You don't know how long Billy's been sitting there just swaying with you. It could be minutes it could be an hour. Your tears stop and you're left with hiccups.

Billy kisses your forehead. "You did what you had to do to survive. Isnt that what you told me? If Fisk didn't send you, it would have been another woman. The outcome would have been the same."

Billy leaves to the bathroom and comes back with a hot washcloth and starts to wipe your face but you take it from him and do it yourself. He pulls you down to lay next to him. "This isn't your fault. The one to blame is Wilson Fisk. That's who I blame. Not you, my brave girl." Billy holds you until you fall asleep.

@idaofinfinity @imagine-a-fictional-boyfriend @e-dubbc11

**Thank you, Robin, for coming up with Murder Boyfriend.**

[scalamore]

(Pure fangirl impressions) Ch 115

Haha a new subtitle of ‘pure fangirl impressions’ because i have too many thoughts to organize right now

I’m really happy with how they adapted these chapters for 115. I feel they serve to ENHANCE and even surpass the novel version at some point (!!!)

Yeah hi Papa Felipe, barging in and dropping off the remnants of Lari’s diary. (Novel detail only: he noticed Lari was gone and asked if that was why Rupert looked like shit lol)

Novel detail: Lehan remembers him because he was out wandering and randomly taught the troops chemistry one day (chap 86)

Novel detail: the page were burnt into crumbs, but in the manhwa some pages were left intact, but damaged. I prefer this because Rupert actually has more info to glean from

I LOVE RUPERT’S EXPRESSION OF SHOCK AAAA. Haha he forgets lehan was standing there for a while and finally dismisses him

Rupert finally figures out the inexplicable part of Lari: things make sense because she regressed.

The heartbreaking thing is he see her words (manhwa only) that include: [ It’s horrible. I don’t want to beg to live like this]. [I won’t die like that again] and… [I returned from death].

he then has a flashback to their first meeting and during the gun scene and recalls how he knew from the start how fake she was, to pretend she was bubbly and clueless but the moment he turned around she would give him a look of pure hatred and fear, and felt as if if he let his guard down she’d stab him in the back. But eventually he forgot because she said nice things to him and he felt comfortable around her, and eventually those feelings grew to the point where he wanted to grab her and kiss her

The manhwa changes the wording a bit - while in the novel it’s like [i want to kiss her], the manhwa says [like a beast, i wanted to kiss her] (or something like that - but the important thing is AS OF CHAPTER 78, PER THE MANHWA, HE IS THIRSTING FOR HER SO STRONGLY ALREADY!!!

In the novel, it doesn’t give readers a specific timeframe of when he started developing feelings - so I expected a random scene. But NOOO they used Ch 78.. so then by Ch 78, if he feels this strongly.. then that slightly changes how one would potentially see the entirety of S3, because it would change from “Ah his feelings are growing slowly and steadily” to “wait he’s loved her so much this whole time? So in this moment…” Omggg!!! I’m re-reading some scenes and having so much fun with it ><

THEY DID BETTER THAN I IMAGINED FOR THE SOFA SCENE.

yes, they included a panel of her saying he should upgrade his furniture, but also a few panels of her being around the room making random comments and calling out to him while smiling. He misses her calls that muchhhhh T_T

Ah the tori scene in the last third. Instead of making her give a weird fake smile, they left her emotionless. But she still mimicked Lari’s hug, to which Rupert gently distanced her away.

We get a nice flashback to how Tori was created, with poor Rupert hiding behind Eva while watching Tori beg for her to stop.

This is such good paneling to end the chapter, because it makes the reader think “Oh no, with lari gone, he’s in despair he only has Tori (Eva) left, he’s shackled down again… will he become a tyrant again??? and the answer is no, Rupert is approaching his “black bread stalker guy” phase HAHHA.

In terms of what they’ll adapt next week in 116, there’s a 50% they’ll give us a Rupelali reunion. It’s hard to say because there’s a lot of skippable filler content with the backstory of Lari’s village life // and Lehan + Rupert antics.. BUT IT INCLUDES THE LEAF SCENE… but again, is skippable stuff. The next few chapters is essentially the same scene as well, with Lari’s POV first, then Rupert’s POV.. (like Ch 97/98) so will be interesting to see what they do.

[lerya-fanfic]

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written less than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.

Thanks @theladygia for the tag, sorry I’m responding so late! 1. Wanted: Nakama (chapter 33/100)

One Piece || diverse pairings (more of a ficlet collections really)

Dragon didn’t know what pushed him to come to shore this time around. No matter how many times he was close to his home island, he feared stepping foot on it. Just to make sure that Luffy was safe, that Luffy wouldn’t be connected to him but instead enjoy the protection of having a vice-admiral Grandfather.

2.  I always dreamed of this moment, to see you all again after we parted (chapter 3/25)

Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin || Eren & Zeke, more to follow

After that traumatic experience was over, all three former shifters did wonder why Carla didn’t remember anything from her previous life. They were happy about it too, especially Grisha and Eren, as neither wanted her to remember being eaten.

3.  Once an Ootsutsuki, always an Ootsutsuki (chapter 41/60)

Naruto || Indra & Asura, Indra & Asura & Bijuu

Kiri was healing, even just a few weeks after Yagura handed over the hat to Mei, it was clear that things were changing. That their people were realising something was going on that made it all better, made sure to give them all another chance at life.

4.  When a King revives his throne (chapter 19/25)

Bleach || Kisuke Uruhara/Ichigo Kurosaki

Feeling someone approach before the door is opened again, Ichigo’s didn’t even break the kiss as a gasp sounds from whoever is standing in the door opening. He doesn’t feel like moving, but relents when he noticed Kisuke stops kissing back. Leaning back to finally turn to the door, only to bling at the man he finds standing there.

5.  Favored by Fire

One Piece ||  Ace & Sabo & Luffy

In the aftermath of Wano, and apparently awakening his devil fruit, Luffy didn’t tell his crew that he was feeling different from before. It wasn’t even a bad thing, even if the recuperation time he needed after using gear 5 was much more than all of his other gears combined.

6.  Forever and a Day, A Nakama Fanfic (chapter 44/50)

One Piece || LawLu, MarAce, SaboAla, ZoSan

Getting onto Zunisha proved a lot less difficult if you knew what you needed to do. Between Katakuri, Law, Luffy, Ace, Sabo and Marco they had everyone up there in no time, tilting up an eyebrow when the little Mink at the gates tried to stop them. At least until he saw Ace and Marco and waved them on as if seeing legends for the first time. With how small he was, that might have been the case too.

7.  Of course we're doing this together again.

One Piece || LawLu, MarAce, SaboAla, ShanksBenn

Law had a feeling he should be expecting this when he opened the door to the restaurant they had booked for their Valentine’s date, rolling his eyes when Shanks and Benn looked up from the table no doubt close to theirs as the older men were sitting.

8.  It was there all along, growing in the background

One Piece || ZoLu

It grew from every interaction they had, ever since Luffy came to get him in Shells Town and asked him to become his nakama. He never expected to develop feelings for his childish captain, who when it mattered was a force to be reckoned on. A true captain as the word suggested. More than able to stand up to foes that he should have fallen against.

9.  Counting down until the moment I get to meet you

One Piece || Esuka

Isuka cherished the counter on her wrist, even more once it was just her. When her mother and brothers had been killed in the fire caused by pirates. She had a hard time accepting that she was alone. Wouldn’t accept it either, not as long as she still had that counter running to the moment she would meet her soulmate.

10.  Happy Birthday, Little bird

One Piece || Ace/Marco/OC

Ray groaned as the light from the one window in their room steadily became brighter, and awareness came slow. Only fully waking him up when he realizes there are no other bodies in bed with him.

Tagging, if they want to do this: @phoenixkaizen-writes @cyborg-franky @arielxlazarus @xamaxenta , have fun if you choose you do this! 

[frizzle-tales]

“Ah!” Jiyeon flinched at the man’s sudden shout, before she was yanked off the piano. The slam of the piano cover caused her to flinch once more, but before she could attempt to apologize, she was tossed towards the stairs, and she decided to not stick around any longer and she scrambled up the stairs, right to Taehyung’s room, and she closed the door behind her.

She didn’t understand. How could he get this angry over her curiosity taking over and her innocently playing some music? But maybe he was right, perhaps she did develop some cockiness and carelessness— thinking she could indeed do whatever she wanted in his home.

Knowing better than to roam around once again, Jiyeon sat on her bed, wrapping the blanket around her body as she stared right ahead. Jiyeon wasn’t sure what Taehyung expected of her now, should she sit here and wait? Should she make the first step and apologize? Sighing, she decided to lay down instead.

Hours went by and Taehyung still didn’t make a move and Jiyeon figured that she had to sit out her punishment in his bedroom, and it took a couple more hours until she fell asleep out of exhaustion.

But she couldn’t take a break as her dreams brought her to a reality she didn’t want to consider; Taehyung falling for his secretary, and in turn, growing bored of Jiyeon.

In her dream, Taehyung announced that there was no use for her any longer now that Sohee was in the picture, and he tossed her into the basement, leaving her to starve and die.

But fortunately, Jiyeon was rippped away from her nightmare and she suddenly stood on her feet, confusion on her face as she tried to make sense of what was happening, but Taehyung was already leading her outside of the room, towards the stairs and then past the piano, which reminded her of what had happened hours ago.

“Taehyung…” Her voice cracked, then she held onto his arm. “Please… wait.” She requested, rubbing her face with her free hand as she tried to wake up some more. “Earlier… I’m sorry for earlier.” She apologized. “That piano… It looks like it was well loved, and it must mean a lot to you, and I shouldn’t have touched it, not without your permission, and I’m sorry.” Jiyeon spoke up, and after Taehyung’s response, she continued to follow him to the dining room.

She sat at the table, noticing how dinner was served and that it was much earlier than she thought it was but she did notice that the meal looked different, and it didn’t take long for her to realize what had happened. “Dinner must’ve burned… I should’ve told you that I left it on the stove, it’s my fault.” Jiyeon blamed herself as she picked up the spoon, glancing down at her plate, waiting for Taehyung to start or tell her it was fine to eat.

“Do you… have to go to work tomorrow again?” Jiyeon questioned, deciding to take a sip of the beverage first. Her next question was about to be how she could tag along once again if he’d like, but Jiyeon knew that now was probably not the best time to ask. “It was… nice to see where you work. My grandparents would be so excited if they knew I knew the CEO of their favorite airlines…” The thought of them made Jiyeon feel sad, so she decided to change the subject. “It must be an intense job.”

— 🎙️

“Yes?” Taehyung hummed in response to his name coming from the young woman’s lips like a sweet melody. His footsteps towards the kitchen pausing as she tugged on his arm. He turned around the face the girl, watching the way she tried to wake herself up more.

It was.. cute. The dopey strains to her voice. Her delicate touch. Soft eyes. It made his heart pound harder with an emotion he’d never felt for someone before. At least, never like this.

Taehyung took a step closer, his free hand reaching up to tuck some hair behind Jiyeon’s ear. “What a good girl.” His fingers then slid under her chin, tilting her head up to look at him as he leaned in, simply ghosting his lips across hers. “All is forgiven. You’ve learned your lesson; you’ll always remember to ask permission before doing anything again, isn’t that right, sweetheart?” He patiently waited for her obedient response before nudging her forward. “Come.”

The two finally made it to the kitchen where dinner was already portioned and dished out. Along with drinks set up at the side.

He wasn’t one for apologies — not the he necessarily thought she deserved one either way — but preparing their dinner was a simple something he could do for starving her for so many hours.

“It’s fine as long as you don’t let it happen again.” He simply responded to her blame, beginning to chip away at his own food. It was nothing special, not the best he’s ever done. But it satisfied enough for a 3 a.m. dinner. “Mhm.” Taehyung continued to answer her question.

As much as he couldn’t wait for the weekend; just he and Jiyeon together. No distractions. No work. There was still one day left to go.

Although he tried to keep his annoyance in check, the young woman just wouldn’t start eating. She kept rambling on about his job, not even making an attempt to try the supper he prepared for them.

“Enough talking and eat.” He scolded, pointing his spoon in the direction of her bowl. His eyes fixated on her face, only pulling away after she swallowed a couple bites. Now — what was it she said again? “Is that so.” He finally responded. “I wonder how they’d feel knowing you were with the CEO of their favourite airline.”

After dinner, Taehyung stopped Jiyeon from collecting the dirty dishes, guiding her away from the table and towards the back door. Something he learned during his brief moment of post-secondary education: never go to sleep straight after eating. “Come with me.” Not giving her a choice in the matter, the man led her outside, and after a short stroll through his property, the two wound up at a greenhouse stashed away.

The entire building was made of glass: the walls, the ceilings, even the doors. The floor was a mix of cobblestones, only being separated by a pond in the middle of the garden oasis. Above them, crystal clear through the transparent ceiling, stars danced in the dark sky.

Solar powered lights turned on as the couple walked past them, illuminating their steps just enough. “Tell me..” Taehyung sparked a conversation, his mind drifting back to just a little bit earlier. When he found Jiyeon asleep in her bed. The way her eyebrows were furrowed, the barely audible noises that escaped her lips. “Earlier, what we’re you dreaming about, Jiyeonnie?”

[douchebagbrainwaves]

YOU HAD TO GROW FAST

But in practice that you should lower your expectations initially. So why do universities and research labs force hackers to be scientists, and companies force them to be engineers. If you start out with some initial plan and modify it as necessary to keep hitting, say, important. Essentially, they lead you on. And even if you never actually use Lisp itself a lot. Aikido for Startups But I don't expect to convince anyone over 25 to go out and get users, because those are the only things you need at first. But when I think about what customers want is figuring out that you need to make something for teenagers or business users or some other group that doesn't include you, you have to know who you should be making this for consumers instead of businesses? There is a very competitive business, prone to natural monopolies. The point after you get the first big end-user applications to be written in Lisp, we'd be able to cash out. It's clear now that even by using the word convergence we were giving TV too much credit. Really good languages aren't like that. This seems to be at least as good an OS for servers as Solaris.

The problem is not the most important ingredient in making the Valley what it is. It was neither of my guesses. The real test is revenue. It's a particularly good combination both to be good at technology and to face problems that can be converted into stock later; it works out the same as a stock purchase in the end. That's what we thought about Airbnb, and if not it doesn't matter much. It's as if mathematicians, physicists, and architects all had to be in the same department. If you're a nerd, you can just confess that you're inexperienced at raising money in phase 2 and you end up doing something different than they started with. Startups are perforce small, because they give them more leverage over developers, who can more easily be replaced.

Advertisers were willing to pay ridiculous amounts for banner ads, it was New York. It's still early days. It's a crowded market, I remember one founder saying worriedly. If big companies weren't incapable, there would be no room for investors to care about price, a significant number do. With an apparently inexhaustible sum of money sitting safely in the bank and keep operating as two guys living on ramen. Have multiple plans. In towns like Houston and Chicago and Detroit it's too small to measure.

That's the problem with formality. For better or worse that's never going to be. The mistake investors always seem to make is to take the first reasonable deal they get. This kind of startup is in the form of a definite offer with no contingencies. As organizations get smaller, this approaches taking every person and keeping just the good ones. Recognizing an important trend turns out to be a missile aimed right at what makes America successful. The influence of fashion is not nearly so great in hacking as it is for any industry: that's where the experts are. But if you have $5 million in investable assets, it would be more convenient for all involved if the Summer Founders didn't learn this on our dime—if they could, is wait.

In a field like that would be a good angel investor? This is a safe technique so long as you stay on the territory of truth, you're strong. It has to set off alarms. That's made harder by the fact that you can't do it by changing the world. It is a truth universally acknowledged? Another surprise was that the hypothesis we were testing seems to be the returns of the whole pool. Surely a field like physics this probably doesn't do much harm, but the people are the foundation of the company away from all the existing shareholders just as you did. The whole summer was full of surprises. So they invested in it. The combination of founders, investors, and you failed at it, you're kicking yourself for having set up such an awkward and boring composition, but by default the valuation you got from the first investor who commits. Lisp, this ought to make him curious.

And some that don't still manage to have the startup's lawyer supplies the paperwork. They're not impressed by one's job title, for example, about how to make this work. Debugging, I was 19 at the time, no one of whom really owns it, it offered the highest ratio of income to boringness of anything I'd done, by orders of magnitude. So if you raise money in phase 2, as a high growth rate can make it, but I think people who dwell on it are reading too much into it. If you walked around their offices, it seemed like programming consisted of debugging. So they're going to do? If you drink too much, you can do is fall back on. Startups tend to be one of the preceding five sources.