#I definitely didn't plan on making this so long

[sanguineterrain]

Sanne on the topic of femjay... do u think she'd like giving gifts? I feel like she's the type to shower u in gifts and act like it's nbd she didn't even think about it when she got it for u (she is lying)

ok anon I'm pretty sure this isn't what you meant buuut it's kinda related? anyway i was inspired so please enjoy awkward arkham knight femjay who doesn't know how to interact with her old best friend/girlfriend when she returns from the dead so she starts leaving gifts instead. i ❤️ my weirdo wife

ak!female!jason todd x fem!reader.

****

Someone has been leaving you presents.

Normally, you'd be freaked out. Probably, you should be freaked out anyway. How someone knows your exact dress size and what chocolate you like and your favorite flowers and your birthstone... well, it would scare anyone.

But. But the thing is. Every gift and every placement of the gift feels very familiar. It feels like the habit of an old love. Because she used to do the same. Pretty rocks or flowers found on patrol. A t-shirt for the band you liked. A kiss.

It feels like training, like muscle memory: here is how to break in without breaking anything. Here is how to leave a scene undisturbed. Lessons that a friend shared with you.

A friend you loved. A friend you mourned.

The dresses are beautiful and certainly not cheap. But they have a familiarity to their design. They're extravagant, fairytale dresses that you dreamt of wearing when you were young. Dresses you have no reason to wear now.

They aren't revealing or risqué either, and that comforts you too, even though it probably shouldn't. Bruce would be upset at your lack of self-preservation.

This is you living in the past. This is hoping for the impossible.

The jewelry is also beautiful and nothing you could wear to work or to a grocery trip. It's all necklaces and bracelets heavy with diamonds or emeralds or sapphires. But there's a single ruby ring you've received, and it's plainer than everything else. You wear that regularly, even though that definitely encourages your admiring stalker.

The gift-giving is random but they never go more than two weeks without a visit. And there's no note, no demand, nothing. It's like you have an invisible pet raven who likes bringing you trinkets that cost more than your rent.

After the seventh gift, you plan a trap. You want to face this admirer, show that you're not afraid. Well, you're a little afraid. Mostly, it's fear at the fact that you haven't called the police or Batman, even though you and Batman haven't been simpatico for a long time.

No, something stops you. The hand that leaves your gifts is a hand you know. You're certain of it.

You set up a camera behind your shuttered closet, then leave for the day.

You return to the camera gone and a beautiful gold carved statue of a dove. And a note.

Not yet.

Well, fine. You can wait. You're mad because that camera wasn't cheap, but you can wait.

Weeks pass. Gifts arrive. You make a batch of cookies as a thank you on one occasion. Three cookies are missing when you come home. You smile.

Then the night comes.

You don't know how you know it's the night you'll meet them. You just have a feeling. You've written them notes, certain they've been received. No notes have arrived for you besides the one from all those weeks ago.

You put on one of the dresses, a delicate, frilly blue creation that shows your shoulders and neck. You finish it with the sapphire necklace, one of the first gifts you received.

She slips in through your window and freezes when she sees you, even though you know she timed it so you'd be home when she came.

"Hi," you say.

She doesn't speak. She approaches you slowly, carefully. She's very tall, very muscular. Her face is covered with an intricate helmet and she wears similar armor on her body. A new hero in Gotham? Or a villain?

"Do I know you?" you ask.

She shakes her head. You study her for a moment. Glowing eyes stare back. You can't tell if she's lying. It seems like she means it: you don't know her.

"But you know me?"

Your admirer hesitates. Then she nods.

You close the distance until you're a foot apart. Her breathing remains steady but her fingers are restless.

"I like the gifts," you say. "Though I'm confused why you're giving them to me."

Her fingers still. She says nothing.

"A friend used to give me gifts too," you say quietly.

You're both startled. Why did you say that? You don't know.

"You don't want to hurt me," you say.

She shakes her head fiercely.

Suddenly, you want her to touch you. You lift your head and expose your neck. You can tell she's tracking the movement. It sends a thrill down your spine. Maybe something's wrong with both of you.

"Do you like your necklace on me?" you ask.

Touch it. Touch me. Prove you aren't a ghost.

You hear her swallow and inhale shakily. She reaches for you and lightly touches the gold chain around your neck with one gloved finger. You close your eyes. A name falls from your lips. God, you miss her.

The window creaks. You open your eyes. She is gone.

[corkinavoid]

DPxDC Hogwarts AU [pt. 2]

The second time they meet, Tim actually knows a little more than nothing about him.

He knows Daniel is Vladimir Masters godson, set to inherit the man's title, and he knows that his birth parents are both wizards, albeit eccentric ones. No one would tell him how they are eccentric, not to mention why.

He knows the boy is a second child among the three, and his older sister is going to Hogwarts next year while his younger one had just turned five. And Daniel himself is seven, just like Tim, which means they will be in the same year eventually. He doesn't know whether he likes that or not.

He doesn't know nearly enough about him to form an opinion.

What he does know, though, is that he absolutely doesn't like Samantha Manson.

Mother had met Mr. and Mrs. Manson at that same party that Daniel kind of ruined (Father's words, not his, Tim thinks that elephant trunks were an improvement), and, upon finding out that they have a daughter Tim's age, decided they should be friends. Which is how Tim found himself sitting in an offensively pink room on an uncomfortably soft pink couch that is threatening to swallow him whole, right across a girl in a pink dress and with a pink bow in her hair. Granted, they are all different shades of pink, but Tim still feels very out of place in his black pants and pale blue shirt with a tight collar.

However, the most unsettling part about all this is that Samantha hadn't said a single word in about ten minutes - so, since they were left alone in this horror of a room by their respective mothers - and Tim is fairly certain she hadn't blinked once, and she is glaring something awful at Tim. For all that he knows, she is probably coming up with a detailed plan of burying his dead body in the garden.

Tim honestly tried to start a conversation. Twice. The girl looked like she didn't even notice, so Tim just kind of resigned to his fate and decided to simply wait until this was over.

He really regrets not bringing a book with him.

Another few minutes pass in silence, interrupted only by some cheerful chirping of birds outside. And then, right as Tim starts to actually consider flopping down on the soft pillows behind him and falling asleep, he hears a knock.

Samantha turns her head to the window so quickly that Tim is afraid her neck will snap. But, as he follows her example and looks outside, he can't help but blink in surprise.

Daniel Fenton, wearing some kind of red jacket with a hood - definitely muggle by the looks of it - is hovering just outside the window. On a broom. They are seven, they are not supposed to have brooms yet! Or, at least, not the ones that can go all the way up to the window on the second floor!

"Bloody finally," Samantha rolls her eyes and jumps off her seat, nearly running towards the window, "What took you so long?" She demands an answer in a snappish tone that allows no excuses.

Daniel grins and shrugs, "Jazz almost caught me sneaking out," he explains, but his gaze is not on Samantha. Instead, he is looking over her shoulder, right at Tim, before asking, "Who's that?"

The girl turns around and scowls, "A boy that my Mum wants me to marry."

Tim sputters, feeling his cheeks heat up, but not out of embarrassment; it's mostly just frustration. She most definitely does not, they are seven, and their mothers can't be making plans like that!

Can they?..

Daniel laughs, bringing the broom closer to the window and setting one foot on the widowsill for balance.

"I would have invited you with us, but I only have one broom," he tells Tim, still smiling. Tim bites his lip.

He wants to go with them so badly. They look like whatever they are about to do is going to be way more interesting than Tim's whole life. But Mother will probably be upset, and-

"Don't bother, he is boring," Samantha huffs dismissively as she pulls the skirt of her dress up and climbs out the window, carefully holding on to Daniel's shoulder as she gets on the broom behind him.

For some reason, that makes Tim angry.

He sticks his chin up higher, straightening up in his seat and frowning. "I don't see how your inevitable fall from a broom is interesting anyway," he drawls, far more mean and uncaring than he wanted to.

"See? Boring," Samantha smirks, but Daniel just looks a bit confused and thrown off.

"I'm not gonna fall," he tells Tim with a certainty that makes Tim kind of want to apologize. But the girl behind him is still smiling like she won something, and Tim is not about to back down now.

"Live with that illusion all you want," he huffs and turns away, still keeping his back straight.

"Come on, Danny, let's go," Samantha urges her friend impatiently, and Tim is decidedly not looking in that direction. He doesn't want either of them to see him pouting. Also, maybe he just doesn't want to see them fly away.

But he still hears a quiet "Bye," from the window before the room goes back to silence, interrupted only by the chirping birds and rustling leaves.

When, mere moments later, Tim looks back to the window, both of them are gone without a trace.

—☆—☆—☆—

Visuals!

The offensively pink room and the way to escape:

Tim's opinion on Sam:

[Picrew]

—☆—☆—☆—

More notes on the people and the world around:

Mansons are, actually, filthy rich. They are a wizarding family, but they are way less concerned about blood purity than people expect them to be. A part of their business involves muggle products, and while they don't advertise it, they don't try to hide it either. Jeremy never attended Hogwarts, he was a Beuxbatons student, and Pamela was a Slytherin. Both of them don't exactly like Danny for separate reasons, but Pam likes to keep Vlad as a friend, and if that means letting Sam be friends with his godson, then so be it. She still tries to keep their contact to a minimum, but it's not like Danny - or Sam, for that matter - cares.

Janet and Pamela did not, in fact, plan to marry their kids; they just liked each other enough to have tea together and decided to combine it with throwing their children at each other. Although Pam does consider Tim a fitting pair for her daughter. Janet is of a different opinion.

The broom Danny took actually belongs to Jack - or, it belonged to him a few years ago, up until Danny realized the kiddie broom is not fun anymore. Jazz is constantly scared he is going to fall and break his neck, but Maddie thinks her son is good enough of a flyer. Besides, even if they did take the broom from Danny, he would just find a different thing to break his neck with, so Maddie just put a bunch of disillusionment charms on the poor broom so Danny won't be noticed by muggles and called it a day.

This is very much not the first time Danny comes to save Sam like she's a maiden in a tower. Also, Sam is not mean out of nowhere, she just likes Danny and hates sharing, and she is seven.

[<- part 1 | part 3 ->]

[peppermintquartz]

Chris opens the door and embraces Deacon in a warm welcome. He hugs her back with one arm, the other holding flowers and a case of beer. It feels almost like old times.

"It's been too long, man," she chides. "Come on in. Street's so excited, he's gone out to get this amazing tiramisu we found on one of our dates."

"You didn't have to go to that much trouble," Deacon says, smiling. "Oh that smells great."

"My aunt gave me a surefire chili recipe. We've tested it several times, it's definitely good."

"And you look good. How's everything? The shelter doing okay?"

"Yeah," says Chris. "Thanks to Nichelle, I got in touch with some sympathetic ears and they've been super generous, and I've been able to find a steady roster of volunteers. Plus, with our rep, we're left alone for the most part, and anyone trying anything gets warned off fast by the ones running the block."

Deacon makes a face. "Not sure if that's the safest way to go about things."

"Gotta work both sides of the law now," Chris says with a shrug. Deacon means well but he's still a straight white man who has always lived in privilege. "But my girls are all on the straight and narrow. I've fourteen of them with me, and six have found sponsors to help them to get work permits, which will help with getting full documentation. I'm helping another two cooperate with police because they were smuggled here after being sold by their parents for cash, and the rest... well, we'll get there." She grimaces before grinning. "Sorry. I get excited talking about my work."

"No, no it's good. I'm happy for you." Deacon hands her the colorful bouquet and the beer. "It's great that you found your purpose."

Thanking him for the gifts and rummaging around for a vase or jug for the flowers, she asks, "So how come you're here alone? I was under the impression that it'll be you and Annie. Wine?"

"Water, please. I'm driving." Deacon sits down in one of the chairs around the dining table. She wonders what he notices about the place on his second visit. It's a cozy apartment, despite the industrial elements; she especially likes the new potted herbs Street has insisted upon, even though neither of them can tell a cabbage from a lettuce.

"I, uh, I wanted to chat with you, actually. Not, not chat." Deacon says as he rubs his wedding ring. "I want your advice on something that I need you to keep secret."

An odd feeling tickles the back of her neck. She sits down in the chair beside him, wondering if she should hold her friend's hand. "Sounds serious."

"I think it is." He takes a deep breath and blows it out slowly, like he's planning to dive into the deep end of a pool. "Chris, how and w-when did you know you're bisexual?"

Chris' eyebrows shoot up. That is definitely not a question she was expecting. "Uh. Okay. For me, I was fifteen and really into a boy, a classmate." Enrique Garcia, she recalls, lean and athletic with the cutest freckle on his right cheek, with a shoulder-length mop of gleaming dark curls. "And then, one day, I met him and his older sister Alina at the mall. She was really nice when we talked and my mind kinda went a little insane thinking how pretty she was and how much I'd love to kiss her."

"And that was... That was how you knew?"

She shrugs. "Some reading up and some very confusing dreams later, I kinda figured it out." She angles her head and studies Deacon. "Are you...?"

"Fifteen, wow." Deacon chews on his lower lip. The tips of his ears are red and he can't meet her eyes. "Maybe I'm too old for this."

"You met someone who's causing you to question everything you knew about your sexuality?"

He ducks his head, still fiddling with his wedding ring. "Yes," he admits quietly. "And I know, I know it's not good, I'm married and I have Annie, it's just really..."

Chris smiles and holds his forearm. "Confusing."

"So confusing," Deacon agrees with a brief chuckle. His voice sounds so unsure and lost that it's disorienting for Chris. That isn't the Deacon she has known for the past decade. "Annie is the perfect woman for me. Like, once I met her and got to know her, I knew she was the one I wanted to marry and have a family with. And I thought that was it. That that is all I would ever need or want."

"But now you've met someone. Some guy."

Ducking his head, Deacon bites his lip and shakes his head. "I'm over fifty, Chris. I shouldn't be having sexuality crises at this age. But, yes. I met some guy."

"He's that special, huh." Chris hopes she doesn't sound judgmental. Having been through this with her own family, she feels for him. And a part of her feels honored that someone she respects so much will choose to come out to her. "Am I the first to know?"

"Yes." He clears his throat. "I never thought I would be interested in a man like that. And yet... I feel happy whenever I see him. I worry about him at work. I hear a song on the radio and it'll remind me of him."

There's something that Deacon is hiding. After so many years as a cop and now helping scared women, she's learned to read between the lines.

Still holding his forearm, she says, "Thanks for trusting me with this, Deac. I'm so honored by your trust."

He sniffs and finally looks at her, his eyes dewy with a hint of tears. "Chris, am I bisexual?"

"You could be," she says. "I can't answer for you. I'm not some mind reader for queer people. You might be attracted to women in general and one guy in particular, and that's normal. Sexuality is a spectrum and the great thing is, you get to define yourself. It may feel overwhelming-"

"Understatement of the year."

"-but I can point you in the direction of some websites or resources you can refer to. Don't be surprised if any are angled at teens, though. Most people who are questioning tend to be young."

"Unlike this old geezer," Deacon jokes weakly. She squeezes his forearm as she grins, then lets go of him.

"You're never too old to learn new tricks, Deac." Taking a deep breath, Chris leans closer and says, "I'm gonna ask something that may be invasive, and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, but you may feel better if you do."

Deacon sighs like he knows what's coming and looks at her.

"Are you seeing this guy?"

The guilt that flickers over Deacon's face tells Chris enough.

"Oh, Deac..." She pulls him into a hug.

"I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to know about that," he murmurs.

She squeezes him and pulls back enough to smile at him. "I'm your friend, Deac. But you know you can't have him."

He nods, pressing his lips tightly together. "I know. I wish... I don't know what I wish. But Chris... Chris, I'm so happy when I'm with him." There's a waver in his voice. "I didn't know that I could even be this happy with anyone."

Not even with Annie.

The words are not said, but she hears them as clear as day. She hugs him again.

They hear the keys jingle and Deacon straightens, rubbing his thumb and index finger over his eyes while clearing his throat.

"Hey, Deacon!" Street comes in with an insulated bag and Chris stands up to welcome him with a kiss. His dimples deepen and his eyes light up. "Hey babe. Deac, come here, bring it in."

Deacon smiles and hugs Street. The mask has fallen back in place over Deacon's face and Chris makes sure hers is present too.

"I'll go plate up dinner," she says with a smile, kissing Street again as she passes him and takes the tiramisu from his hands, leaving the two men to catch up. Deacon won't tell Street what he told her; that's not the friendship they have, and she knows he trusts her not to tell anyone what he's revealed to her.

It's not her secret to tell, and Deacon will need time. He'll do the right thing, she's sure. She only hopes he figures out what the right thing for him will be.

[chimggukchim]

https://www.tumblr.com/chimggukchim/770049627903901696/but-it-will-not-and-cannot-be-what-it-was-before?source=share

First thing first i saw another anon say this anon is a tkkr who's sneaking in jkk space when i can very well tell anon is just a jkkr who has seen difference in jikook over the chapt2 era. Just because one jkkr doesn't agree with another doesn't mean they HAVE to be from another ship. And Tkkrs don't talk about jkk the way anon talked because it's hard for Tkkrs to even address the things jkk did together Especially GCFT so anon is definitely not a tkkr.

Second idk in which spaces YOU were because the whole jikook tag was clogged with very much negativity during AYS Especially after 1st,2nd ep because everyone was Feeling the difference in the way jk talked to anon because we have never seen them bicker this much after their debut self. over these past few yrs we have seen them very much be sweet towards e/o and not really bicker atleast not to the level of AYS and it was maybe because we never had full hrs of just jkk only so we're seeing their raw self so maybe jkk have been this way towards e/o for long time but we just never got to witness it before and hence why it was kinda shocking for many jkkrs and yes there was very much negativity. talking about how jk said "Jimin is dead" and laughed when jm was sick because some jkkrs didn't like that because they haven't seen jk talk like that etc etc. If you need @ of the blogs who's seen this negativity ask me and I'll definitely provide it in next ask (I'm not doing in this one because I don't wanna disclose their @ to other anons who might attack them).

Yes the 1st ep looked awkward maybe because they haven't hangout together for some time and when they're doing they're in front of cam so they don't know how to act, It happens when you're meeting s/o after some time and haven't exactly planned things you're doing or you haven't thought it thoroughly. They Started loosening up at the end of 2nd ep. And if anyone talks about their physical closeness as why would they be close like that when they are awkward then ITS taekook is good example of that why or how.

anon didn't lie when they said that jk didn't bother showing up for jm anywhere because that's true. he was at hybe for CK most probably saw jm is practicing stopped there and went home exactly like how he showed up at one of hobi's filming during JITB because the set was in hybe. That time jm specifically asked jk to come to show support to him more and jungkook didn't come again. we saw jm's practice BB and jk wasn't there again and when jk asked when was jm's next music show jm also told him that jk has already seen his dance during practice so it's normal to assume the practice was last one. yes he might have came for another practice but given we haven't seen I'll chose not to make up that "he came to the practice again" because if everyone just start assuming things with nothing to back up there's no difference them and Tkkrs.You remembered what jm said what during serendipity recording then how did you forgot what jm said During festa 2022 when jk was whinning about jm not showing him his songs along with other members?? let me tell you jm said "Well i told you, asked you all to come and see me work" so didn't jm give open invitation here to ALL members including jk? so did he go or not? i guess not if we go by the whinning he was doing over jm not showing him his song, we have also seen jk watching jm doing filter practice so I'm sure coming again for jm's other practices or MV sets to "show support" shouldn't be so hard given jk went to dream movie premiere, and a musical of tae's frnds to show support or wtv it was. plus given how jk traveled to Hawaii when tae said he missed jk so the hybe building (hobi saw jm there working as well so the pdogg house wasn't the only place jm worked) and before you wonder how new i am it's my 5th year in the Fandom. not as old as you but old enough to have known all of their contents.

Jimin talked about him talking with jk about music for hrs and said that he'd tell jk what he learned so i think he was talking about the time AFTER they shot in NYC for AYS. jm talked about going to vocal lessons when he was working on muse(in his live) so I'm assuming he talked with jk about music after NYC trip where he also heard "Who" for the very first time. my personal assumption which I'm pretty sure of is that jk wasn't aware of what's going on with jm when he was working on FACE and the live jk did after face dropped was him just catching up with what's jm doing. I mean he didn't even know when jm was doing his music shows etc etc. my personal assumption tho.

There's no need for jkk to lie to us and say "you didn't call me when i was free and i didn't call you when u were free" because they simply could have not said anything rather than lying. I'm definitely not a tkkr who spin their words to fit my narative so I'll take things as it is said to us when I don't see any reason for them to lie to us.

Yes having e/o in military is a comfort for them but I'll ask u if u get an option of enlisting alone OR u can Enlist with ur friend whom you know for a decade now what option would u chose? won't u wanna go with ur frnd if U actually have an option? given the status they have it's obvious more comfort for them that they have their frnd with them so I believe any normal human would chose to go with their frnd than alone with given option. and jkk do have visible tattoes so they obviously have limited options that don't mean they have to go with e/o BUT why not go with ur frnd than go alone? it's very natural doens't have to be "they can't live w/o e/o".

And just like Taekook changed jikook changed as well. many have hard time beliveing it but that's what how atleast some of us see it. have some points to add for this topic as why but it's already too long so I'll stop.

Thank you, anon, for the oh so detailed read.

And for also proving my point that some people on here actually believe that the only times jikook have ever interacted in their entire lives is when they film content for us.

Bravo!

I was going to just leave it at that but I've got some time so why not write more?

Anon not being a tkkr? Yeah, okay. It is true that not all jikookers have the same opinion. Some support, some simply ship and can become very insecure because they don't actually see jikook as two actual people in an actual relationship. But I actually have working braincells and can very easily spot tkkr rhetoric as opposed to insecure jikooker rhetoric. Anon was a tkkr clearly trying to gaslight. I can actually point out very specific phrases used if you'd like.

Jikook have never bickered before AYS? Really?! REALLY?! You stated you're five years into this fandom so my assumption is your consumption of content begins at 2019. Because there is NO WAY that anyone could have seen jikook interactions since 2013, and claimed they have only ever been 'lovey-dovey'.

If there was any awkwardness at the very beginning of filming (which I still have yet to see), do you know why? It's because Jimin and Jungkook DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT THEY WERE FILMING! They didn't even have a frigging name for the show! To the point that they, along with the staff said on multiple occasions that they didn't even know if this even would be released. Not because they were awkward with each other but because they were just going with the flow for the first time. And as entertainers, they needed to feel out the situation to provide content for us. Guess what? That takes a bit of time.

And your whole essay on JK not being there for Jimin? I'm not even going to go into detail because clearly the only time Jimin and Jungkook interact is when a camera is rolling.

Finally the military thing. You know what would have been more comforting than each other? Being assigned to an area that wasn't the most dangerous and active. And visible tattoos have nothing to do with anything as a lot of persons have posted about. It may have barred them from a select few, but certainly not all other avenues. And Jungkook could have just as easily chosen Taehyung to enlist with. But he didn't. And I hardly think he tossed a coin or that Jimin was the second option. The apparently indigestible fact remains that jikook actively chose each other.

You claim that jikook changed, just like Taekook, and that's just how some of 'you' see it. Fine. Everyone's entitled to their opinion. And I would actually genuinely be interested in those 'whys' you mentioned.

But please, when you do, make sure you can clearly reference from the beginning.

Because I can also do that to show how jikook's relationship has changed over the years. Only, it's not going to be the change you see.

[astrowarr]

obsessed with your dl analysis. scar hurts himself [to hurt grian] while grian opens up because it sets the precedent, i think. it's his first decision after he discovers (or can't pretend not to know anymore but. y'know. unreliable narrator will unreliably narrate.) that FOR SURE grian is his soulmate and by going and punching the jellie it establishes their dynamic as scar keeping grian hostage in a way? or testing him? considering that he actively weaponizes it later in a soulmate torture for no apparent reason at all, it reads to me as almost punishing. again, all scar has been saying since the start of this season is that he doesn’t need a soulmate, that he doesn’t want to know who he’s bonded to, etc. and grian forces him to acknowledge the bond, keeps on insisting that they base together, that they work together, that they are together because they are soulmates. all the things that scar is averse to. explicitly. now, i don't know what would happen if grian left scar alone before that point or gave up on him after that punch, because we know that grian is incapable of giving up on scar and that universe does not exist, BUT. i think that scar genuinely wanted to be left alone there, "there" meaning the whole season. and after he didn't have that choice - because grian asked him to base together and scar is incapable of denying grian - he wants a little payback? maybe? another thought is that after all of that in scar's eyes grian goes and 'forges his own destiny' with his 'secret soulmate'. his blame can so easily intertwine itself with grian's guilt and they both need to die.

oh im obsessed with this thank you so much for some beautiful scar goodtimes insight... i was definitely also considering the payback theory you mentioned, especially when you think about the fact that prior, grian had Dropped dripstone on his head. and actually, now that I think about it, i feel so much of his behavior might be desperate attempts to attain some sense of control over his circumstances?

i totally agree that the torture was always a form of punishment. i think a big miscommunication between scarian at all points in time is that grian, as a character, holds a lot of agency. he highly prioritizes Choices, and hates relinquishing control. he can't fathom staying anywhere or doing anything he doesn't want to, so what he doesn't understand is that scar isn't like that. when it comes to grian, scar does not care.

he will do literally anything so long as grian stays by his side. like you said, he is physically incapable of denying grian. but on grian's part he cannot even consider that scar is sacrificing anything for him here, because he wouldn't do that. he doesn't think he's ruining any of scar's soulmateless plans because he just fundamentally doesn't understand the power he holds over scar. part of that misunderstanding is definitely by scar's design, who is allergic to letting anyone Know him, especially post last life

it definitely makes sense why scar would be frustrated. a lot of his problems in last life were forged by his choicelessness: his only friend turned red and was forced to cut ties with him, the boogeyman curse continued to alienate him further, it goes on. so here he is in double life, ready to start anew, but then here comes grian his soulmate, asking for his hand. grian, who just by virtue of existing enacts upon scar a specific brand of choicelessness. and now scar is coming to terms with the fact that his feelings for this force of nature of a man have bound him to powerlessness ONCE AGAIN!! FOR THE REST OF HIS LIVES!! and it places him in this gross push-pull where he doesn't want grian but he Also can't help but want him desperately .. and that's how we get his behavior throughout DL. dear God i just love him

[teasedontplease]

@briskoftrouty

{Sam was right... Even if I hated to admit it, he was. I had given up on myself. For so long I prided myself as the "prom queen" persona. The queen bee of McKinnley. The most beautiful and popular girl at school. I prided myself on my looks, popularity, and achievements. That said, when the accident happened, it humiliated me. I was suddenly self-conscious about how I looked. I didn't want to be the girl that others pitied or made fun of because of my injuries and temporary limitations. I didn't want to return to the school until I was fully healed... I had planned to return like nothing had ever happened. To look like I did prior to my accident. Sam was right though... I was feeling sorry for myself, and I had given up on myself. I was so focused on perfection that I was losing sight of the things and people who actually mattered. The people, especially, who never expected perfection from me. Who cared about me when I was at my highest point and my lowest point. I never thought I'd say this but the glee kids really were the definition of my true friends} You're right... I was ashamed of how I looked after the absent, so I did give up on myself. I've been obsessed with looking perfect... Upholding my reputation at school, so I didn't want anyone to see me looking like this. {It wasn't easy for me to swallow my pride and admit my faults, but for some reason, I could with Sam} The doctor cleared me a week ago to return to school, but I've been too self-conscious to be seen there. Afraid others will laugh at me and/or make fun of me. I was so worried about the opinions of people who aren't even my friends that I overlooked and pushed away the people who would be there for me no matter what. {I was thinking aloud at this point. Not necessarily expecting an answer in return so I continued} Any chance you'd be willing to pick me up and take me to school on Monday? I know it's not going to be easy for me to show my face there, but if you're there beside me when I do go back, I know I'll have the confidence to do it...

Continued

@teasedontplease

Broken hearts; the break ups haunt you. Sam always had a big heart; he felt it came from being a big brother. He tended to sugarcoat his feelings in order to put his siblings first. He cared about others more than he wanted to care about himself. When it came to Lima he felt he’d be the outcast, he never expected to be recruited from the glee club, or to make it onto the football team. He wanted to be involved. He wanted to be liked. But he got more than he felt he deserved. 

Quinn; she was the princess, the sweetheart of the cheerios. She was the it girl; and I liked her instantly. The second I laid eyes on her I felt that flutter in my chest. And I knew I wanted to win her over. She had reservations, she had her own secrets. Obviously he heard the rumors of her history; of the gossip mill. But Sam never cared he didn’t care about her mistakes from the year before. I cared about getting to know the her now. I had been stupid and naive to believe the blonde would fall in love with me. I had been stupid and got wrapped up in the us i wanted. Did I think too far beyond high school? Absolutely not. I had no idea what my future looked like; I played the days one at a time. I tried to replay the days that led up to the female cheating on me. Could I have do something differently? Was it my fault she felt the need to fall into the arms of an ex? Sam kept replaying the thoughts in his mind. And he was the good guy; the guy that cared a tad too much until she gave me the reason to turn my back on her. My biggest mistake was falling for Santana’s game; believing her when she told me she thought I should know. I was hurt, I felt my heart break into two. 

I lashed out; I felt out of character being with Santana; but it was easier than to face the hurt I felt. Each time I looked at her I felt the tighten of my chest, I felt the thought of wanting to cry spring to my eyes, but Quinn didn’t deserve me to react; she had hurt me on her own. But I also was sorry for hurting her instead of being the man my dad raised me to be which was to comfort the people who upset you. To comfort those that did you wrong. I had morals and for a few weeks I lost sight of it. But now I knew I was wrong; and that’s why I felt a piece of myself was forgiving Quinn. I cared enough to drag her out of her house after the accident. I cared enough to look her in the eye; to lash it out with each other. 

Tension and awkwardness; but I think the storm passed as we sat within the walls of my car. I felt the tension slowly wash away; I felt like we had to forgive ourselves before being able to be friends. Did I love Quinn? Yes; no doubt, but I was in no means prepared to jump right in. She had to earn the right to make her way into my heart again. Today wasn’t about us; it was about her; the want to take her mind off her injuries for a few hours. I had a plan in notion; the movie in the park; it would be dark in a few hours; and even if we sat in the car facing the screen I think she’d smile because it was her favorite movie. Well one of them. 

Hand rested on the wheel at the subject of prom. Did I detect a hint of hopefulness in her voice? Did I detect that she wanted me to ask her? Maybe a few months ago I would’ve but now? I didn’t trust myself or the blonde sitting in the seat next to me. I had tried to dodge the answer; not wanting to hurt Quinn and I didn’t lie. Tina and mike did want to go as a group; well more like I was tagging along as the third wheel. I had to laugh at myself how pathetic..? The blonde held his laugh until I turned his gaze over to the female. A soften gaze fixed onto his features. 

“ You know, I’m sure if you wanted you can tag along with the group, the more the better right?” A lightness to his voice shown, as he extended his hand out to place upon her own. A small touch to say he understood. “ I think each one of us is, for what it’s worth, you always have my vote for queen.” A softness in him; his eyes fixated on her; holding her gaze, a moment; one where he knew he was going to be in trouble.

[osamusriceballs]

Kinktober Day 29 <3

Suna x public sex

Warnings: NSFW, fem reader

Words: ~ 1,8 k

Kinktober Masterlist II -> Last day

"You can't-"

Your legs press together, his cock now tightly squeezed between your thighs. You see yourself in the mirror, clad only in the lingerie that he chose for you. A black and white compilation of lace, one that reminds you of his old high school uniform that he often gives you to sleep in.

"But I'm doing it right now, aren't I, doll?" His hands wander from your hips to your sides, rubbing the exposed skin until you feel warm all over.

"We're in public-" you weakly protest, already succumbing into the way he's touching you so gently. Suna knows how to push your buttons; he knows how to get you all worked up for him.

"You just need to keep quiet. Can you do that for me? Keep those pretty little noises inside?" His lips touch the back of your neck, and you see his eyes attentively watching you in the mirror, gauging every single one of your reactions. He can read you like a book, not needing any encouragement, but knowing exactly what you want just from analyzing your body language. "Can you?" He repeats when you don't respond, and you softly nod as an answer, not trusting your voice to come out steadily. "Good. Such a good doll for me. You look so sexy in that lingerie." His hand comes to the flimsy pair of panties that barely hide your pussy, his fingers tugging playfully on the material until you feel it stretching over your clit. "Rin, no- it's gonna rip-" you lowly protest, laying your hand over his to stop him from pulling harder, even though you want nothing more but to feel more of that friction. Or at least feel something that will help to ease the ache between your legs.

"It's not worth buying then," he dryly comments, but stops tugging and you let out a low shriek when the material snaps back on your skin. His cock rubs between your legs when he lazily thrusts his hips, your thighs pressing together even harder at the sudden friction on your clit.

"Rin-" you while, your hands pressing harder against the mirror when you push your ass against him. "Shh. I though you can stay quiet for me." He raises an eyebrow in a teasing manner- and under other circumstances you would have swatted his hands away and pouted until he kisses you to make up for it.

"It's kind of hard to stay quiet when your cock is between my legs." His hips thrust once again, a deep, strained breath leaving his lips at your words. You know that he loves it when you're vocal like this. "Oh, doll, that's not even close to what I will do to you. You should know better." His hand comes up to your chest, his fingers tracing the lacey pattern of the bra while his gaze roams over your body, no hurry in his movements and actions. You know that he doesn't really care about the fact that there could be other people in the shop, hell, there even could be people in the dressing room next to you and he wouldn't care. An assistant could come up to you any second, banning you from ever entering the shop again, if she knew what you're both doing on there, but you know that Suna won't stop until you're both satisfied, no matter what happens.

"Pull them down for me. Slowly." He whispers in your ear, pulling his hips back until his cock no longer pushes between you legs and his chin rests on your shoulder. Your heartbeat speeds up and you hesitantly reach for the dark material, being fully convinced that there is a stain on it already. You hook your thumbs into the hem of the panties, keeping eye-contact with Suna through the mirror while you slowly pull them down your thighs and let them fall down to the ground. You know that you're wet already, eager for him to touch you more, but he keeps one hand on your side while the other plays with your tit, his gaze fixated on your exposed cunt. "Hm, look at you. Even prettier without them on." He compliments while his thumb firmly rubs your nipple, eliciting a small moan out of you.

You arch your back into him, your eyes half-closed while you watch his hand caressing your body and softly holding you. "Can you- Rin, please, fuck me," you whisper, doing your best to keep your voice down, and he smiles at your attempt to lower your voice. "Can't deny my pretty doll face anything when she begs for my cock like that." He softly kisses your cheek before his hand moves to his cock, pumping himself slowly and spreading his precum all along his length. "Can't wait to feel you around me." He groans, two of his fingers pinching your nipples at his words, and you let out a moan- so loud that you wearily glance towards the curtain on your back, but much to your relief, no one comes to kick you out.

"You want me to prep you, doll?" His cock halts at your entrance, the tip barely dipping into your wetness, and you know your knees would give up if he wasn't pressing you so hardly against the mirror. "Just put it in. Rin, please fuck me," you beg, still trying to keep your voice as low as you can, and he groans and slowly pushes his tip inside. "So wet for me. Wet from having my cock rubbing between your legs. Such a dirty slut for me." His voice right next to your ear does something for you, and you let out another low whimper, just a tad bit louder this time. He tenses at the sound, pausing his movements when his cock is only half inside. "Gimme a hand here." He suddenly grabs your hand from the mirror, and you yelp when your face is pressed against the cool glass, your breaths making it foggy and harder for you to see his pretty face. You feel his tongue around your fingers though, licking a long stripe along two of them before he presses the digits against your lips.

"I want you to suck on these fingers while I fuck you. Pretend it's my cock. Make them nice and wet for me, doll." He rasps against your ear, and you desperately pant and clench around the tip of his cock when you slowly bring the fingers inside your mouth. You taste his saliva on your tongue, making sure to make a show of how you swirl your tongue around them before you put them into your mouth and he lets out a low groan when he sees how you suck eagerly on your fingers. You feel his chest heave against your back, his hand on your hip tightening his grip for a second before he abruptly pushes further inside of you until he's fully sheathed inside. Your walls flutter around him, you feel so warm and wet and welcome around him, and he finds himself pausing for a moment, enjoying how you clench and writhe in front of him while you suck on your fingers. Such a lewd sight- only for him.

He doesn't waste any time before he pulls his hips back and quickly pushes them forward again, making sure to hold your body steady to go deeper. Your breath is erratic, just like your heartbeat, your pussy throbbing for him, aching to have him fuck you, to have him touch you more-

"Don't worry, doll, I'll fuck you how you like it. I know what my little cumbucket needs," he hisses through gritted teeth and then he finally starts fucking you. His thrusts are slower than usual, for no doubt his measly attempt to keep quiet, even though you know for sure that the sound of skin slapping against skin can be heard in the next cabins. They are more powerful and harder than usual, his grayish eyes carefully observing your reactions until he sees how your face contorts in bliss. That's when he keeps angling his hips in the same way, knowing that he found your sensitive spot, and he will make sure to reach it every single time that he thrusts inside of you. You feel the heat coiling in your stomach when he fucks you just right, just how you need it. You're being used like a sex toy- and you love every single second of it.

You stiffen in front of him, feeling the warm glass against your cheek when he hits the same spot again and again, and you know that it will not take much more to make you cum. You whine against your fingers, slightly biting down to muffle your moans, and you feel how your legs tense even more when you're close, so close to reach your high-

"C'mon, doll face. Cum for me, and then I will fill you up. You like that, don't ya? Being full of my cum, walking home with my cum dripping down your legs." There is a need in his voice that makes you go feral, and you meet his thrusts with your hips, knowing fully well that you can't hold back much longer. His hands grab your hips tighter, and you gasp for air when you feel him so deep inside you-

Your thighs clench together when you suddenly reach your high, a particularly strong thrust sending you over the edge easily. You whine around the fingers, trying to stay as quiet as you can, but you can barely focus on staying quiet when you feel him tense too, his arms grabbing you almost painfully hard at this point when he cums, the hot liquid filling you up and painting your walls white. Your eyes roll back at the feeling, of being so deliciously full of him while you both remain motionless, just your ragged breaths escaping you while he holds your limp body up.

You know that he would usually praise you and massage your stiff limbs- he doesn't seem like it, but Suna is definitely a master at aftercare- but now he simply kisses your bare shoulder, only a few quiet words reaching your ears, like "love" and "pretty". You shiver in his arms, your mind slowly getting clearer, and you notice that you have drooled quite a lot around your fingers- much to your embarrassment, but a mischievous glint in Suna's eyes tells you that he definitely enjoys seeing you like this. You hesitantly pull your fingers out of your mouth, your jaw slightly aching from being kept so widely opened for so long.

Suna slowly pulls his softened cock out, not caring much about the thick droplet of cum that drips down your thighs and onto the new panties, much to your horror. His lips curl into a smile when he sees your reaction, and he leans down to reach for them and he soon holds them up with a triumphant huff.

"C'mon, doll. Get dressed while I buy the set..."

He suddenly slaps your bare ass, and you shriek as the sound echoes through- probably through the whole shop. "Rin!"

"...and then we can go home. I want to rip it off for real this time."

[cacw]

saturday no plans so i get to do this all night

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

for the asura ask game: 2, 3 & 5 for Ruju

Just an asura ask game

Thanks for the ask!! Cracks my fingers... You really went right for the messy ones there. Time to free more Rat Lore, but this time Familial Drama Edition! (You know the drill, under the cut it goes!)

2. Where were they born? Did they like the place? Did they grow up there or did they move away at some point? Do they wish things went differently?

Ruju's youngest years were spent out in a small settlement around Mount Maelstrom, not too far from the Crucible of Eternity. It was mostly populated by other Inquest personnel who, like his mother, were just living nearby to maintain an easier commute-- and some of them had progeny of their own, too. They didn't exactly get along.

(That was how he earned his distinctive gold false tooth.)

Ruju hated everything about the place; the surroundings were dangerous so he couldn't go anywhere, the other kids were jerks, the adults always acted so weird about him like they thought one wrong move might get them chucked into the volcano(because it very well might), and that wasn't even mentioning the facility itself. He might've been young but he certainly wasn't stupid; whatever was going on in that place raised every hair on the back of his neck. To him the only good thing about it was Sylffa, a progeny of one of the few resident asura who WEREN'T working at the Inquest facility.

And then the home lab accident happened, and Ruju's parents decided maybe mixing home life and work wasn't such a great idea.

After that his father brought him to Rata Sum and he saw them both a lot less from then on. They still came by each evening, but he mostly relied on the household golems if he needed anything; their ambition had always come first and that wasn't about to change anytime soon. That almost felt like a blessing, though.

Looking back, he wishes he'd just ran away from it all sooner.

3. What's their family like? Are they still around? Do they like them and get along? Are there any expectations coming from them?

WHEW BOY. Ruju's family life was... Not great! Here's some mockups of his parents to start; Klixx on the left, Kroma on the right.

Both of his parents were hardcore Inquest, and neither of them were particularly pleasant people. His mother Kroma was a researcher who largely specialized in the study and manipulation of magical energies, and was an elementalist like Ruju. While not much of a fighter, she was highly recognized for her cold ambition and intense work ethic; no obstacle could hold her back for long, moral quandaries included. Pretty much everyone who knew her was stunned when she settled down at all, even if she got right back to work shortly after.

His father, however, was an Inquest debt collector-- but not just any Inquest debt collector. He was the type that high-ranking overseers sent in to cut off any further questions. Klixx shows up on your doorstep? You better hope you have a will and that you hid it somewhere very, very secure. The guy was known for his brutality, and more notably, for making his targets disappear without a trace. The Arcane Eye had tried many, MANY times to recruit him to their own team to no avail; they only gave up after he sent one of their 'messengers' back in a box, charred to a nearly unidentifiable crisp with a simple unsigned note attached. 'This cremation is a complimentary free sample. Next time it's coming with a bill.'

As far they were concerned, their progeny was meant to continue and extend their legacy; the pair formed a long-term contractual relationship specifically to benefit both of their own ambitions. Having a kid was just one facet of that. They expected Ruju to exceed expectations just as much as they did, and in very much the same ways. Instead they got a kid who struggled with focus and memory issues, couldn't sit still, hated lectures, frequently zoned out, didn't take notes well, and lacked any kind of identifiable ambition. He was bad at basically everything that asura society expected for success.

All that insecurity, self-hatred, projection, and so on that Ruju struggles with throughout his entire life? Yeah. That didn't exactly come out of nowhere. They made no mystery of their displeasure.

It was shortly before his college years that Ruju started really resenting them for it all though, and when they were eager to send him off even to the point of using their own status to add a bit of extra pressure? Ruju took it and ran. It got him out of that dingy little apartment cube and meant he didn't have to hear every night about how disappointing he was. They saw it as one last chance to redeem himself, he saw it as his easiest way out of a home he hated.

During those years they occasionally bailed him out of a Peacemaker cell, but Ruju knew it wasn't out of kindness; they just wanted to cover their own reputations, simple as that. And truth-be-told, part of him relished draining their bank account and embarrassing them by then. Petty and self-destructive as it was, he didn't really care how much of a scene he made because they'd absolutely hate it.

(Mind you, they were also trying to keep anyone from noticing and studying his magical abnormalities, but he didn't know that!)

After college he never hears from them again. They expected him to go into the Inquest like them, but he wanted no part of that. It's not until the Crucible of Eternity that he finds out about the studies being discreetly conducted on him while he was in Rata Sum-- and that his mother didn't survive the facility's security breach.

Ruju never really decided how to feel about that. In a way, her final act was the only reason he ever learned the truth, and whether he liked it or not... She'd still cared enough to keep his identity secret.

His father, though? Ruju has no idea, but hopes he stays missing.

He doesn't know what he'll do if they cross paths again.

5. What's their approach to romance? Do/did they have any partner? Are they more interested in relationships with a predetermined end date or are they looking for a stable long-term relationship? Is the option of having/adopting progeny on the table?

Saying Ruju's relationship with the concept of romance is messy would be a massive understatement. Truth is? It'd be a stretch to say he even HAS an approach to romance at all. The guy's charisma stat is somewhere in the negatives and it just keeps dropping.

That's not to say he hasn't had crushes though-- he certainly has! Ruju just never bothered to pursue them, either due to lack of confidence or just being such an absolute disaster that he fumbled it on sight and slunk away in shame. Or, better yet, he fumbled some BEFORE he even realized he had a crush, only noticing he liked them AFTER he's already spent like 2 years being an insufferable jerk. There's definitely been at least a few of those.

So, the fact this guy has never dated is probably not a surprise.

And after becoming the Commander? That adds a whole extra layer of complexity to the situation. While there's a part of him that appreciates people looking up to him for once, Ruju knows full well that someone who is only into him because of his famous hero shtick is going to be SORELY disappointed once they get to know him. He wants someone to like him for who he is, not who they think he is.

Given his many insecurities and low self-confidence, what he really needs is stability; someone that makes him feel safe and secure, but can still firmly grab and ground him if he's being unreasonable. Taming his fiery nature takes a patient and thoughtful hand.

All that in mind, the guy might put on a tough act but he's basically a porcupine made of butter. Even the SLIGHTEST amount of warmth and affection melts him into a puddle. He's the type who'd be trying very, very hard to make sure a partner is happy, and puts extra effort into figuring out what a partner likes so he can make sure they're happy. (He's also surprisingly cuddly, though he'll NEVER admit this) At his core, Ruju's love language has always been through action. As for future plans... he's very much a loyal to the end type of guy. A contract with a set end date would just remind him of his parents-- and he wants NO part of that similarity. He'd much rather go with the flow than formally predetermine anything-- and he ESPECIALLY wouldn't be interested in combining it with work in any capacity. If they have to part ways, they'll cross that bridge when they get there. Even then though he wouldn't necessarily hold a grudge though, probably still willing to be friends if they're also open to it.

The question of progeny is... Complicated. Prior to Aurene, there's no way he'd have felt like he could be a good parent-- and even after helping raise her, he still doesn't really feel like that was his ideal role. With his own messed up childhood he's very, very worried about not just being a bad influence, but letting his own upbringing influence him. Ruju isn't really confident that he'd be able to give a child the healthy environment they deserve, even if he wanted to.

If Ruju had a partner that he knew could help him learn as they go, though, he might agree to it... Tentatively. It'd be a really hard decision for him to commit to. But when push comes to shove, Ruju wouldn't actually be such a bad father; the guy has a lot more love in his heart than he gives himself credit for. He doesn't have any particular preference in mind between adoption or raising a child of their own. No matter the circumstances he'd love them just the same.

... And he'd almost certainly develop a reputation for being TOO supportive if anything. If nothing else, he'd never let them believe for one moment that he doesn't love 'em to bits. (Even if he embarrasses them a LOT in the process by being a total goof all the time)

[britneyshakespeare]

I have to be so honest and vulnerable with you for a second. I keep thinking of getting another complete works of Shakespeare

[masonscig]

Man. I won't say I'm disappointed with this book, but I think the series is a whole lot better when the focus is on things being done TO the mc vs random people suffering because x wants their blood

Like, book one was about Murphy going after the mc. Simple clear threat that fits the tone of the books. Sure some other people died but I don't think it hindered anything

i liked book 2 because it was just a genuine supernatural problem. The carnival guys who's name I can't remember rn were just having a simple conflict of interest with wayhaven. I'm not mad at the trappers coming in at the end but I think a simple low stakes ending where they sign the treaty or don't would have been just as fitting

But book 3 was absolutely not ready to actually handle the dark topics it wanted to devle into. The scope of the plot was way to wide and it still managed to feel slow. If it were up to me I would have just had the trappers going after addie with no connection to mc. It would be lower stakes than like. A dozen or whatever kidnappings and wouldn't have made the actual romance (you know the focus of the books?) Feel so out of place tone wise.

Sorry for rambling into your ask box lol I just have many thoughts about book 3 (like the fact that on steam it sits alphabetically between book 1 and 2 so my steam games list goes 1 3 2. That's going to bug me forever)

HI <3 before i respond, don't apologize for leaving a long ask in my inbox! i absolutely love getting asks and especially ones that open up discussions! <3 thank you for this !! answering below the cut

you're so right about the differences between books. it's so much better when it's contained – the story for this was just too big for her to get her hands around. and that's awesome that she was ambitious! the story quality just suffered a lot bc of it. dude i LOVE that it was just One Guy Versus Unit Bravo for a while, because it was just so much more focused and allowed for more romance to bloom – and a huge reason i liked falk so much is that, like you said, it was a conflict of interest. he's not evil – just from another world with another cultural standard for "judgment". in book 3, it's literally a human (or supernatural in this case) rights violation. these are children – being kidnapped and attempted to be sold. this isn't a story that should have any lighthearted plot beats in the slightest – unless they were organic, and none of them felt that way

it's funny (not funny haha, funny weird) you say that about addie, because i was having an in depth discussion with friends about how much better the plot would flow if less people had been kidnapped. even just the idea that there are supernatural youth existing in wayhaven and that it is in fact, not safe for anyone! human or supernatural!

this book is just lacking the emotional impact plot-wise that it should, in my opinion, because she tried to cram so much into one book. that doesn't mean any of the plot points are bad, per se, they just needed to be workshopped, edited down, saved for later books, cut out completely – whatever makes the series flow better! and that's not to say any of these ideas are bad ideas – it's just unrealistic to write literally every possible idea for twc! there's going to be a point where there's too much to call back to and it's going to affect the story if those things aren't mentioned again yk?

also STOP ITS OUT OF ORDER ON STEAM??? LMAOOOO the cherry on top to a shit sundae huh.

[sysig]

Everything day

[goat-esc-winner-showdown]

ROUND 1 WINNERS

Round 1 Poll 1: "What's Another Year" - Johnny Logan (Ireland, 1980) vs "Arcade" - Duncan Laurence (Netherlands, 2019)

Round 1 Poll 2: "Tu te reconnaîtras" - Anne-Marie David (Luxembourg, 1973) vs "Euphoria" - Loreen (Sweden, 2012)

Round 1 Poll 3: "J'aime la vie" - Sandra Kim (Belgium, 1986) vs "Ein bißchen Frieden" - Nicole (Germany, 1982)

Round 1 Poll 4: "Puppet on a String" - Sandie Shaw (United Kingdom, 1967) vs "The Voice" - Eimear Quinn (Ireland, 1996)

Round 1 Poll 5: "Boom Bang-a-Bang" - Lulu (United Kingdom, 1969) vs "Tom Pillibi" - Jacqueline Boyer (France, 1960)

Round 1 Poll 6: "Rise Like a Phoenix" - Conchita Wurst (Austria, 2014) vs "Toy" - Netta (Israel, 2018)

Round 1 Poll 7: "Refrain" - Lys Assia (Switzerland, 1956) vs "Everyway That I Can" - Sertab Erener (Turkey, 2003)

Round 1 Poll 8: "Diva" (דיווה) - Dana International (Israel, 1998) vs "Satellite" - Lena (Germany, 2010)

Round 1 Poll 9: "Si la vie est cadeau" - Corinne Hermès (Luxembourg, 1983) vs "La det swinge" - Bobbysocks! (Norway, 1985)

Round 1 Poll 10: "Nous les amoureux" - Jean-Claude Pascal (Luxembourg, 1961) vs "Un banc, un arbre, une rue" - Séverine (Monaco, 1971)

Round 1 Poll 11: "Dors, mon amour" - André Claveau (France, 1958) vs "Ne partez pas sans moi" - Céline Dion (Switzerland, 1988)

Round 1 Poll 12: "1944" - Jamala Jamala (Ukraine, 2016) vs "Save Your Kisses for Me" - Brotherhood of Man (United Kingdom, 1976)

Round 1 Poll 13: "Waterloo" - ABBA (Sweden, 1974) vs "Hold Me Now" - Johnny Logan (Ireland, 1987)

Round 1 Poll 14: "Take Me to Your Heaven" - Charlotte Nilsson (Sweden, 1999) vs "Zitti e buoni" - Måneskin (Italy, 2021)

Round 1 Poll 15: "Why Me?" - Linda Martin (Ireland, 1992) vs Ukraine "Wild Dances" - Ruslana (Ukraine, 2004)

Round 1 Poll 16: "Stefania" (Стефанія) - Kalush Orchestra (Ukraine, 2022) vs "De troubadour" - Lenny Kuhr (Netherlands, 1969)

Round 1 Poll 17: "Only Teardrops" - Emmelie de Forest (Denmark, 2013) vs "Nocturne" - Secret Garden (Norway, 1995)

Round 1 Poll 18: "Hallelujah" (הללויה) - Milk and Honey (Israel, 1979) vs "Molitva" (Молитва) - Marija Šerifović (Serbia, 2007)

Round 1 Poll 19: "Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley" - Herreys (Sweden, 1984) vs "I Wanna" - Marie N (Latvia, 2002)

Round 1 Poll 20: "Fairytale" - Alexander Rybak (Norway, 2009) vs "Merci, Chérie" - Udo Jürgens (Austria, 1966)

Round 1 Poll 21: "Fångad av en stormvind" - Carola (Sweden, 1991) vs "A-Ba-Ni-Bi" (א-ב-ני-בי) - Izhar Cohen and the Alphabeta (Israel, 1978)

Round 1 Poll 22: "Après toi" - Vicky Leandros (Luxembourg, 1972) vs "Love Shine a Light" - Katrina and the Waves (United Kingdom, 1997)

Round 1 Poll 23: "Dansevise" - Grethe and Jørgen Ingmann (Denmark, 1963) vs "Fly on the Wings of Love" - Olsen Brothers (Denmark, 2000)

Round 1 Poll 24: "Making Your Mind Up" - Bucks Fizz (United Kingdom, 1981) vs "L'Oiseau et l'Enfant" - Marie Myriam (France, 1977)

Round 1 Poll 25: "Insieme: 1992" - Toto Cutugno (Italy, 1990) vs "Everybody" - Tanel Padar, Dave Benton and 2XL (Estonia, 2001)

Round 1 Poll 26: "All Kinds of Everything" - Dana (Ireland, 1970) vs "In Your Eyes" - Niamh Kavanagh (Ireland, 1993)

Round 1 Poll 27: "Hard Rock Hallelujah" - Lordi (Finland, 2006) vs "Net als toen" - Corry Brokken (Netherlands, 1957)

Round 1 Poll 28: "Een beetje" - Teddy Scholten (Netherlands, 1959) vs "Heroes" - Måns Zelmerlöw (Sweden, 2015)

Round 1 Poll 29: "Rock 'n' Roll Kids" - Paul Harrington and Charlie McGettigan (Ireland, 1994) vs "My Number One" - Helena Paparizou (Greece, 2005)

Round 1 Poll 30: "Running Scared" - Ell and Nikki (Azerbaijan, 2011) vs "Amar pelos dois" - Salvador Sobral (Portugal, 2017)

Round 1 Poll 31: "Poupée de cire, poupée de son" - France Gall (Luxembourg, 1965) vs "Believe" - Dima Bilan (Russia, 2008)

Round 1 Poll 32: "Vivo cantando" - Salomé (Spain, 1969) vs "Tattoo" - Loreen (Sweden, 2023)

[vivalasthedas]

i am so curiious what the online component of gta6 will be like, cause rdo not having near the level of success, earning potential, and longevity, and lacking a lot of the well loved and wanted features of gta online, is kinda evidence they might not know How to capture that lightning in the bottle again.

Cause so many games have tried to get a bit of that success by apeing gta online, but failing to meet the basic criteria/missing what it was that made the game so dang successful, and instead starting out as an entirely online predatory nightmare live service.

[chahnniesroom]

night again

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in hindsight, visiting chan's studio right before a comeback isn't one of your best ideas. what was supposed to be a pleasant surprise leaves you spiraling into self-doubt, wondering if chan even wants to be in a relationship with you at all.

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, insecurities, reader not eating due to stress

a/n: the long awaited 'he calls you clingy' fic! title is from the english translation of 또 다시 밤 (twilight)

read it on ao3 | masterlist

You love your job. It's challenging for sure and the expectations from upper management are often unforgiving, but you’re proud of how hard you've worked and everything that you've accomplished in the past few years at your company. 

As you've gained experience, you've slowly been given more and more responsibility. You've grown out of your junior role and though you're thrilled by the pay raise and prospect of being a team lead rather than being led by one, it's also daunting.

When you and your new team are assigned an important project with tight deadlines, you're determined to prove yourself. It's implied that you're going to have to have to dedicate a significant amount of time to finish it and while you're no stranger to long hours, it means that any plans you have of seeing your boyfriend, Chan, are out the window.

The timing is not terrible, Stray Kids has a comeback scheduled in about a week so you didn't think that you would be able to spend that much time with Chan anyway, but you usually try to surprise the boys at one of the music shows with a cake and some home cooked food.

Luckily, you've already been planning for this. Although nothing had been confirmed, you had expected that this project would be awarded to your company and you've already been trying to spend more time with Chan than usual in preparation for the busy season ahead for both of you.

Still, you can't help but agree with your best friend at work after she complains how little she's going to see her partner this month. Jinjoo doesn't know who your boyfriend is, but the two of you are close enough that you’ve shared that you have one and that work takes up a lot of his time. You've gushed to her about the sweet things that Chan has done for you and you've admitted that you think he's the one.

“You should bring him dinner sometime!” she exclaims when you mention you're not sure when the next time you'll be able to see Chan will be.

“Well, he’s really busy-” you start to say.

“That’s the beauty of it. I’m sure he would appreciate if you brought him food at work, especially if he’s anything like my partner and gets so caught up with work that they forget to eat sometimes,” she insists.

“That’s true.”

“Just trust me, Y/n. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t sure that it’d work. My partner loves when I do this. It’s literally the perfect way to take some time for each other before you’re both too busy. Even if he's super busy, his work can't be bad enough that he’s not allowed to eat, right?”

You agree somewhat reluctantly. You're still unsure about whether or not Chan would appreciate you barging in unannounced, but it is a cute idea and Jinjoo's confidence is enough to convince you.

The next day after work, you head to the company and order takeout for a late dinner for you and Chan, picking it up along the way. It reminds you of earlier in your relationship before you had gotten your current position and when Stray Kids were just gaining popularity. Both of you enjoyed having more casual date nights that provided more privacy as opposed to going out to fancy places and it makes you even more excited to see his reaction.

About a year after you started dating Chan, he insisted that you get a pass to get into JYP Entertainment without having to fill out a visitor's form and have someone pick you up. It has definitely come in handy more than a few times, although you try to limit the number of visits you make. Even though you're allowed to be there, it still feels intimidating to be in the building, like someone is going to recognize that you're not an employee and accuse you of being a sasaeng.

Luckily the late hour means that you make it to Chan's studio without having to interact with anybody except the security at the door, who had waved you through without a second thought. You had double checked with Felix earlier in the day to make sure that Chan didn't have any schedules or dinner plans, so you directly knock on his door without texting or calling him beforehand. 

“Y/n?” he asks, a bit baffled when he sees you. “Did we- Did I forget that we had plans tonight?”

“No,” you say, a little nervous for some reason. It's just Chan, you tell yourself, but it doesn't make you feel any better. “I didn't think that you had dinner yet and wanted to see you.”

“Oh, I see. Come in,” Chan responds slowly, still processing your sudden appearance. “I just have something that I need to finish up-”

“It's fine! You can work,” you assure him quickly. “I don't want to interrupt you too much, I just wanted to drop by since I don't have plans and wanted to make sure that you're eating well.”

Chan’s studio isn’t messy at all, but he still gets up to clear some space on a side table for you, before returning back to where he has Cubase opened up. You pass over his food and feel relieved when he immediately digs in, but your appetite seems to have vanished, you can only get yourself to pick at your meal.

Chan is short with his responses all evening and continues to work on his laptop, even while eating. It throws you off a bit, you thought that he would be able to get to a stopping point and at least make a bit of time for you, but you did tell him that he could. Even so, you're determined to make the most of the last time that you’re going to see them for a while. You know they’ve been super busy the past few days, or more like the past few weeks, but still you had thought he would be a little bit more engaged or at the very least seem happy to see you.

Finally, after half an hour of eating with minimal conversation, you decide to broach the subject that’s been on your mind this entire time. Chan’s finished his food and you know that you won’t be able to get yourself to eat anymore, so you shuffle everything off to the side and inch closer to Chan. 

“You know that client we’ve been trying to work with for a while?” you start tentatively.

Chan hums noncommittally, continuing to type on his computer. Not quite the reaction that you're hoping for, but you forge on anyway.

“We got awarded the job! It’s a great opportunity for the company and everyone is really excited, but-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “I’m sorry, that’s amazing and all, but you know that it’s not a good time for me right now. I have something I really need to work on and now that you’ve finished eating, can we please not bother with the small talk?”

“Oh,” you say, a bit caught off guard. Chan has never been the type to cut you off when you're speaking. “No, yeah, I get it. Uhm. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just-” he sighs, sounding frustrated. “Next time can you please ask me when you want to visit in advance so this doesn’t happen again? You chose the worst timing to come by. I just need some space, from all of… this,” he says, waving a hand between the two of you.

“Sorry, I know it’s a busy time, but I just wanted to see-”

At that moment, an alarm on Chan's phone goes off, interrupting you. When he turns it off and notices the time, he swears lowly, unlocking his phone and typing out a message to somebody. You’re scared to break the silence. Less than a minute later, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Chan calls. When Changbin and Jisung step into the room, they eye you curiously. You keep your head down and try to prevent your hands from shaking as you stand and start to haphazardly shove away all your belongings and the garbage from your dinner into bags. 

“Noona, it's good to see you!” Jisung says brightly, although his smile dims when you make eye contact and can only manage to weakly return the smile. “Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“Hi Hannie,” you reply quietly, not wanting to make conversation, but not wanting to be rude.

“It’s okay, Y/n was just leaving,” Chan says, his obvious annoyance making things even more awkward.

You say bye to the boys quietly and apologise as you shuffle past them to the door.

The handles of the bag from your dinner are digging into your hand painfully and your purse can’t close with the way that you’ve thrown everything into it. You only take a few steps before you have to stop for a moment to save a container from falling and decide to put down everything and reorganise it all.

When you crouch down, you take a second to mentally berate yourself. Everything you had worried about had come true. Instead of being a pleasant surprise, you had come across as a nuisance.

In your rush, you hadn't fully closed the studio door behind you and you're close enough that you can just barely pick up the conversation that happens inside.

“Sorry,” you hear Chan say faintly. “I don't know what's been going on, but Y/n has been… really clingy these days. She just showed up today without asking and I hate-”

You leave before he has the chance to say anything else. You look like a mess for sure, you had just grabbed all the empty containers without bothering to put them back into the plastic bag, your jacket is partially dragging on the ground, and your purse is hanging off your elbow, having slipped off your shoulder. You're pretty sure you hear an empty drink bottle clatter to the floor behind you, but you don't look back to check.

You don't have it in you to care, you just need to leave.

Even waiting for the elevator feels humiliating, so you bypass it and stumble down the stairs. You dump the garbage into a bin on the first floor, not bothering to sort it properly, and step out onto the street, bee-lining to the nearest subway station.

The ride home passes by in a blur.

It hurts, of course it hurts. 

Honestly the reason that your relationship had worked out so far was because you weren’t the kind of person that needed a lot of attention. You understood that both of you were busy and were content to just exchange messages every couple of days because you knew how important Stray Kids was to Chan. Of course you did, they were just as important to you.

If Chan wanted space, well. You were more than capable of giving it to him.

In fact, your upcoming schedule had been the reason that you had wanted to meet up in the first place, the source of your so-called clinginess. You’d never been called that before. You were hyper-independent and tended to get lost in your own mind, easily distracted by different thoughts. It had gotten to a point that most of your exes had complained at least once about you being distant or inattentive.

With Chan, you had been determined not to be the same. It had been difficult at first, to make the effort to send messages throughout the day. You had to convince yourself not to spend too long drafting replies in your head and try not to worry that you were bothering him, especially if you knew that he had schedules at the same time that you were texting.

By the time that you make it to your apartment, your pain has faded into a mixture of resignation and numbness. You don't want to talk to Chan about how you feel, it's your clinginess that he didn't like in the first place, and you don't think you'll have time or the energy for a long, emotional conversation in the next few weeks anyway. If you keep your distance for a while, it just benefits both of you, you tell yourself. You won’t be a distraction to Chan as Stray Kids has their comeback and he won’t be one to you as you take on this new project. 

As much as you want to spend the rest of your night overthinking- something you’ve done more than you’d like to admit- you know that you have a busy day at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit like a zombie, you force yourself to shuffle through your usual nighttime routine, swallowing a melatonin pill before climbing into bed.

Normally, you would send Chan a good night message. Actually, normally you would have sent him a message the second that you arrived home. It was something that he was insistent on starting from early on in your relationship, wanting to make sure that you were safe.

Tonight, you just turn off your phone, plug it into its charger, and sleep.

—

In the morning, you allow yourself to wallow in bed for 5 minutes, before you get ready for work. You’ve never been good at eating breakfast and today’s no exception. Your stomach turns uneasily at the thought of food so you only force yourself to drink some water before you leave.

Your team at work has agreed to get to work earlier than usual just to get a headstart on everything. Though you’re more of a night owl, you’re grateful to find that deviating from your usual routine means that the subway is empty enough that you can find an empty seat, a luxury that you’ve rarely experienced.

It feels eerie to walk through the streets of Seoul when the sun has just started to rise and you’re relieved when you finally make it to your office.

Unsurprisingly, you’re one of the first to arrive. You’re grateful for the time that you have to unpack your things and make a much needed coffee before the rest of your team shows up.

“How did it go last night?” Jinjoo asks you excitedly when she comes in.

“Uhm, it was okay,” you reply noncommittally. “He was definitely surprised.”

“Oh,” Jinjoo pouts at your lack of enthusiasm.

“I mean, it wasn’t bad,” you backtrack, hating to see her disappointed. “It was just so short, he was kind of… busy. But that’s what I expected anyway so that's fine I guess. Thanks for suggesting it to me though! I really appreciate it.”

“That’s good,” Jinjoo brightens. “At least you got to see him one last time.”

“Oh yeah for sure! I think that after seeing him yesterday, it’ll be easier to deal with how busy we’re going to be for the next few weeks,” you say truthfully. 

It’s not a lie, you justify. For the first time since you started dating, you’re not looking forward to the next time that you’re going to see Chan.

You know that your communication is about to reduce to an all time low for the next few weeks, and while you had originally been worried about how Chan would react, now you’re thinking that he’s just going to be relieved not to hear from you. You’ve never thought yourself to have been overly chatty with Chan during the day though, preferring in-person conversation over texting and knowing that he’s generally not available to read your messages anyway, much less send you a reply. It seemed that you were wrong. 

Luckily your team now has to use a shared box that you’re required to put your personal phones into during working hours and only have a little bit of time during lunch and dinner breaks, if you take them, to fish them out. It’s a policy that your company enforces when teams are working on confidential projects and you can’t blame them due to past litigation that they’ve been involved in after a former employee leaked sensitive information.

For once, you're glad for this excuse to not look at your phone, even if you feel a little bit naked to look at the side of your desk or reach into your pocket and not have your phone there. You’re relieved to bury yourself in your work and forget all about your personal life. Even though your project is just starting, you feel like you're already behind. 

When you're finished work for the day and take back your phone, you find yourself reluctant to check your notifications. It's only when you're waiting for the subway to arrive at your station that you finally force yourself to take a look.

No new messages or calls from Chan.

You’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you’re still disappointed.

You get back to your apartment late, you had wanted to finish a couple of things before you left the office and it had led to you being one of the last to leave. You had also stopped by the convenience store closest to your place, not having the energy to cook anything for yourself.

You pick at your dinner half-heartedly. You're used to eating alone, Chan often had his meals at odd times due to his schedules, but tonight the silence feels more oppressive. 

It haunts you, the tail end of the overheard conversation. You have no idea how Chan was going to complete the sentence, but your mind unhelpfully fills in the blanks with worse and worse suggestions.

He hates the timing of your visit.

He hates that you visited at all.

He hates that he has such a clingy girlfriend.

He hates that you are his clingy, annoying, bothersome girlfriend.

He hates you.

In moments of clarity, you can recognize that it's not true. That's not the Chan that you know and he would never say something like that about anybody, least of all you. It's just hard when a small part of you has never really been able to believe that someone as talented and amazing as Chan would want to date someone as unremarkable as you.

You find yourself falling into a new routine, waking early, working overtime, and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. You succeed most of the time, you keep yourself occupied by thinking about work and you're so physically exhausted by your long hours that you fall asleep the second that you get into bed. Luckily, your coworkers are just as overworked as you are and it’s easy to blame your declining condition on the project. Weekends don't help you rest at all, you've committed to your manager that you can work on Saturdays and Sundays are spent completing the chores that you've neglected during the week.

You still talk to Chan sometimes, either right when you wake up or on the way home after work. The conversation is stilted though, both because of the long delays between messages when you text and the limited time that you have when you call. It's enough of a difference that Chan asks you multiple times if everything is okay. Even though you try your best to assure him that you're fine, just busy, you're sure he knows that something is off, although he doesn't question you further.

Most exciting is the day that the new Stray Kids album releases. You've already heard most of the songs for this comeback, perks of dating the member that's the most involved in the writing and production of the album, but it's different now that they're available to the public too. You make sure to organise your schedule so that you're on break when the music video drops and you send a number of messages in the group chat that you have with the group cheering them on. Usually, you try to take a day off to deliver some food to them at the music shows, but you've had to settle for arranging with one of their managers to treat them to a meal.

You can tell when they get breaks because when you check your phone after work, notifications from the members are all in the same blocks of time. It's mostly them thanking you, taking pictures of the food you sent, flowers that they've been gifted, and letters from fans. They have a short promotion period this comeback, but it's packed with different interviews, performances, and fanmeets. At one point, Felix even sends you a picture of Chan sleeping slumped over on one of the waiting room couches. As much as you're relieved to see that he's able to get some rest, the picture has your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

You're proud of Chan, of all of the boys. They've worked so hard and each comeback seems to be more and more successful. Even if you're not confident in what's going to happen with you and Chan in the future, you want to celebrate with them while you still can.

—

After almost four weeks, your project is nearing completion and you've never been more grateful to have a deadline arrive.

You only have a couple more days left until your last submittal is due and after getting off work, you want nothing more than to collapse into bed even though your stomach has been growling the whole walk from the bus to your building. You had caught a significant mistake in a document right before it was going to be sent to a client and the whole afternoon had been spent trying to fix it in time. Your team had just barely managed it, but your head has been pounding for hours and your whole body is tight with stress.

You’re not quite sure how you make it to your apartment, your exhaustion has made you clumsy. You struggle a couple times to enter in the code to unlock your door and trip over a pair of shoes that are scattered in the entryway.

You manage to catch yourself before you fall, then squint back. Yes, you haven’t had the chance to tidy your apartment in a couple weeks, but you’ve never been the type to leave your shoes on the walking path.

A light is on, further in your apartment. You know for a fact it wasn’t like that when you left this morning, it would have been obvious since you've been leaving before the sun rises. Someone else is here.

You stare at the light for a few seconds in disbelief, then slowly reach to grab something, anything that you might be able to use to defend yourself. Your shaking hands close around a full sized umbrella that you keep beside your closet. 

You’ve already made enough commotion that there’s no way the intruder didn’t hear, but you try to keep your footsteps light as you creep down the hall to where your kitchen is. It’s stupid to try and confront them, but the idea of someone in your space, potentially taking your things, is enough to inspire a sudden bout of bravery.

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, launching forward to attack the second that you see someone. You recognise the figure halfway through your swing, and though it’s too late to fully stop, you manage to pull back enough that they’re able to easily catch the umbrella before it hits them.

Chan wraps his arms around you then eases the umbrella out of your hands, resting it against the wall. You sag into his embrace, adrenaline draining away, leaving you exhausted again. 

“Chan?”

You've missed this. His warmth, his comforting scent, the reassuring steadiness that he always provides. You can almost pretend that everything is fine.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he says, sounding more amused than apologetic.

“You should be,” you grumble into his shirt. “I could have seriously injured you if I didn't realise it was you!”

“I don't think that was going to be a problem.” Even though you can't see Chan, you can hear the grin in his voice.

“Hey!” You lightly smack his arm. “You take that back!”

“Fine, fine,” Chan acquiesces, holding up both his hands in surrender. “I'm very glad that I didn't have to experience the full power of your self defence.”

“Yeah yeah,” you huff. “What are you doing here anyway? Other than trying to give me a heart attack, that is.”

“I made you dinner,” Chan says shyly, turning pink.

“For what?” you ask suspiciously. It's easy to fall back into the banter that you typically exchange with Chan, but you can't help but be a bit wary these days.

“No reason. I uh, just haven't seen you in a while,” Chan says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck where it’s now flushed red. “We had so much preparation to do and then all our schedules… Anyway, I wanted to surprise you, so I thought I could cook for us.”

Now that he's mentioned it, you can see that he's set your tiny kitchen table and that there's a couple of pots on the stove. Chan doesn’t cook often, but he’s expressed a desire to learn before and you’ve taught him how to make a few of your favourite recipes.

You stare at him for a moment, lost for words.

It's only been a few weeks, but you feel like you've forgotten how to act around Chan. Instead of a comfortable silence, it's almost awkward, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Oh,” you say finally, touched and still a little shocked that he's actually here. “That's- that's so nice, I just- is it okay if I wash up a bit quickly first?”

“No, yeah, of course. I'm sure you had a long day,” Chan says. “Go ahead, I’ll- the food should be reheated anyway so I’ll get on that. Take your time.”

You skirt around him to go to the bathroom, taking a moment to splash yourself with water. This feels like a bizarre dream and you wonder for a moment if you’re making this all up. But when you leave to go to your bedroom, Chan’s still there, puttering around in front of your kitchenette. You change your clothes slowly, mind racing as you try to puzzle together why Chan has decided to visit all of a sudden.

You eventually settle on the most logical reason that you can think of.

He’s finally decided to break up with you.

You’ve figured that this was coming for weeks by now, but somehow it still hurts. Instead of feeling resigned, it feels like you’re shattering into little pieces. You twist your work blouse into a tiny ball as you try not to cry, even though you know the fabric is going to wrinkle terribly. You finish cleaning up in a daze, already drafting what you're going to have to message your manager later. There's no way that you're going to be in any shape to work tomorrow if you’re right.

“Y/n?” Chan calls eventually. You know you're procrastinating leaving your room, but you want to put this off for as long as possible even though you know it’s just delaying the inevitable. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a heavy heart. “I’m fine. I'll just be another second.”

You can tell that Chan doesn’t quite believe you. He hovers around you when you emerge from your bedroom, knocking away your hand when you try to pull out your own chair from the table.

He's set the table, going so far as to fold little napkins under your utensils. There's even a tiny vase with your favourite flowers as a centrepiece. All this effort just hurts more.

“You look exhausted. You got home so late. Where were you?” he asks.

“I was at work,” you reply stiffly. You know that if you try and say any more, your emotions are going to spill over and you're either going to scream or cry. Maybe both.

“So late?” Chan's forehead creases with some sort of emotion. You can't quite tell if it's concern or scepticism.

“You're not the only one that has a demanding job.”

“Y/n, you know that's not what I meant-”

“Sure,” you say. “Whatever, let's just eat. Thank you for the food.”

You don't want to deal with this. You're so tired.

You have no idea why Chan’s dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why he’s forcing you to sit through a meal with him like he’s not about to break your heart. Chan is one of the kindest people you know, he’s probably trying to make this easier for you, giving you one last nice memory, but it just feels cruel.

Chan reaches out, stopping you before you can pick up your chopsticks. He stares at the way his fingers overlap each other around your wrist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he says quietly. You look away, watching steam curl from the bowl of rice that has been set in front of you instead of returning eye contact.

“I’ve been busy.” Is all you can say in response. 

You don’t want to tell him that you’ve been basically subsisting on iced americanos and various convenience store meals in part because of your work schedule, but mostly because of your lack of appetite. Every time you thought of Chan, it made your stomach turn and well, everything reminded you of him. You hadn’t realised how much it had actually affected your physical condition until now though.

“You're not taking care of yourself,” he scolds you. You can feel yourself bristle at his comment even though you know it’s true. “I haven't been around to take care of you either. I'm sorry.”

“Chan,” you protest. It has been weeks since you last saw him in person and you’ve spent more time that you’d like to admit micro analysing your relationship, but you still can’t make sense of his behaviour, especially how he keeps switching between criticism and tenderness.

“What?” he asks in genuine confusion.

“Why are you here?”

“I missed you,” Chan says, sounding hurt and confused. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I just- I don’t understand what you want from me!” You run your hands through your hair in frustration. “One day you don’t want me around, we go weeks without seeing each other, then you’re at my place cooking me dinner? You said you needed space, I gave you space."

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean I don’t want you around?” Chan asks, alarmed. “When have I ever said that?”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t appreciate it when I went to bring you dinner that day,” you start.

“No, baby!” Chan stands up abruptly before you can say anything else. He falters when the loud scrape of his chair causes you to flinch back. He slowly walks towards you and kneels in front of you, reaching out to hold your hands in his. His eyes are wide with earnestness. “Of course I wanted to spend time with you. I always want to be with you.”

“So why did you call me clingy?” you ask in a small voice. Gone is your anger, replaced with a self-consciousness that you can’t hide. You look away as tears prickle your eyes.

Gently, Chan lets go of your hands and cups your cheeks instead, turning your face so that he can see you better. His thumbs swipe under your eyes, brushing away the tears that have managed to escape.

“Baby,” he says, sounding even more upset and angry than you feel. “I'm sorry. Did someone tell you I said that?”

“Nobody had to tell me, I heard you say it myself!” you burst out, pushing Chan away. You know that you’re being dramatic, that you keep oscillating between different emotions, but you don’t care. “That day, in your studio, you told Han and Changbin that I was really clingy.”

“You heard me talking to Binnie and Hannie?” Chan asks slowly.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sniffle. One of Chan's hands shifts and he carefully tucks behind a lock of hair that has fallen in front of your face. The gentleness makes even more tears well up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you overheard now. It must have hurt, right?”

You can't muster up a response, choosing instead to just nod slightly.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” he soothes you. “Can I explain myself?”

You pause for a moment, then slowly nod again.

“I don't mind that you're clingy, actually, I like it. I shouldn't have used that word. I like that you want to spend time with me, Y/n,” Chan says carefully. “I like that you take time to visit me, even though I know that your work is busy too. I think that it's cute and thoughtful that you think of me and try to take care of me by bringing me food. I know that you intentionally take the time out of your day to text me because you know that I like hearing from you, even though I might not see it or respond right away.”

Chan pauses for a second and you use it as an opportunity to pull away slightly. His hands tighten briefly, before he lets them fall away, giving you the space to process.

It's not that you don't like what Chan is saying, it's just hard to reconcile it with the thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past few weeks. You still don't understand what you overheard though, how it fits into all of this. When you voice your concerns to Chan, he sighs, before continuing to speak.

“I don't know what I did to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in my life.” You want to protest, but Chan carries on before you can say anything. “It's just that- you visited me without notice and were the sweetest person in the world. I wanted to spend time with you, believe me, I did, but I can't just ignore my deadlines when the rest of the members are relying on me. It makes me feel like garbage when I can’t give you all my attention. That's the thing I hate the most. That I can't be the boyfriend that you deserve. That I can't show you how much you mean to me the way that I want to.”

It makes sense, in some sort of twisted way. You know that similarly to you, Chan often feels insecure. It had taken a while before you had been able to convince him that you really did want to be in a relationship with him even with all of the difficulties that were associated with being an idol. You hadn't realised that your visit had fed into his worries that he wasn’t enough.

“I didn't know,” you say quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I didn't tell you how I was feeling and that's on me. I’m the one that’s sorry, you have no reason to be. I should have been clearer about what was going through my mind and it wasn't any excuse for the way that spoke to you. Even if I wasn't at my best, I can't believe that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be around.” Chan shakes his head and you can tell that he's beating himself up about it. This time, you're the one that reaches out to him, grabbing one of his hands in both of yours.

“I am sorry that I put you into that position, though. I got caught up in the idea of how fun and romantic it might be, that I didn't give enough consideration to your schedule. Even though I wanted to surprise you, it would have been better to check with you beforehand. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and work.”

“It was a really nice surprise,” Chan agrees. “I wish that I hadn't been so wrapped up that I wasn't able to enjoy spending time with you. I really hated not being able to see you these past few weeks.”

“It was really hard for me too,” you admit.

“I missed you so much. I missed your beautiful voice, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I missed all the texts that you usually send, they make me feel like I'm not as far away, that I'm a part of your day too. You kept saying that everything was fine and- I know it's hard for you, especially during comeback periods when I'm not as responsive. I didn't want to pressure you into messaging me more often if I'm not able to do the same.”

“No, it's not that. It doesn't bother me. Work was, is still really busy for me,” you explain. “I was trying to tell you that day, but-”

“But I basically shut you down,” Chan realises. He laughs bitterly. “I’m just the worst, aren't I? No wonder you were so confused by why I was here.”

“I thought you were going to break up with me tonight,” you whisper. Chan looks devastated by your statement.

 “No- you know I wouldn't-” Chan stumbles on his words in his haste to correct you.

“I don't think that anymore,” you reassure him. “I understand everything now, it was just that we didn't communicate well and I assumed… It's okay, we're together now, this won't happen again.”

“I promise that I will make it up to you. I love you and I will prove it to you in every way possible. And I'm going to start right now. You still haven't eaten yet, please go ahead.” Chan moves back to his abandoned chair and doles out a portion of the stew from the pot that's on the table. 

“I am really hungry,” you confess. Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl loudly and the two of you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

Just like that, it feels like things are back to normal.

You know that there's still more that you and Chan have to talk about. The two of you have only scratched the surface on your insecurities, communication, and how those things led to such a significant misunderstanding.

But tonight, it's enough that you get to share a meal with the man that you love.

read it on ao3 | masterlist

[qqueenofhades]

I think its genuinely fascinating how Biden has somehow become the bad vibes sin eater for the party. I'm seeing people who were doing the whole "voting doesn't matter both old men are the same" pivot hard into voting as harm reduction. The anti voting rhetoric has COMPLETELY lost The Youths on tiktok. People suddenly remember the good things the Biden administration has done but don't associate Harris with any of the things they didn't like. In my swing state volunteers are signing up in droves. People feel ENERGIZED, the vibe shift pre and post Biden dropping from the race has just been insane

Y'know, that is a... good way of putting it. It's also why I'm quite sure that Biden has probably been planning it for a while. I don't think he was intending to step down, and didn't want to be forced out at the drop of a hat, but after he realized that the circus was never going to stop until he did, he did the honorable fall-on-his-own-sword thing and definitely, DEFINITELY spent some time choreographing this behind the scenes. Because while the roll-out has been very smooth, it could just as easily (as many of us were expecting) have been a total disaster, and that doesn't happen without SOME planning. It's also entirely possible that the campaign staff flipped from Biden to Harris are superhuman, to come up with a massive online roll-out, new branding, new signs (they had plenty of 'em in Wisconsin yesterday), new everything, but I'm guessing it's a combination of both. Biden has spent his entire political career being underestimated, and after we literally made a meme out of Dark Brandon juking the Republicans out of their shoes, we should definitely give credit where credit is due in how masterfully he pulled it off.

Because we have had eight years defined by the central question of Whether The President Is a God King Who Should Serve For Life (the MAGAts obviously think yes), the sheer idea of a president willingly giving up his power BEFORE he had to is also novel and admirable. It's sad that this is the case, but so be it. The Republicans also got a heaping helping of Be Careful What You Wish For that was undoubtedly brilliant; they've been yelling for years that Biden is old and frail and can't serve and should step down. Biden went "lol okay" and gave it to them, and now they're fucked.

Aside from that, on the most basic level, it's far, far easier to see the actual difference in the parties with Harris as the nominee, just because it shows that one party is willing to make progress and reflect the new demographic reality and social mores of America, and the other one is not. Now to be clear, Biden deserves an incredible amount of credit for coming out of retirement (he was ALREADY 77 years old when he became president and had had decades of a long and respected career in public service behind him) to fight, beat Trump, and deliver an incredibly successful presidency. He held the line against authoritarianism at home and abroad, he rescued the trashed American economy and managed a world-leading recovery from Covid, he stood up for democracy, he spent four years filling the benches with liberal judges to reverse even some of the Trump/McConnell hack job, he finally passed comprehensive infrastructure investment and the Green New Deal under the name of the Inflation Reduction Act -- and so on. Many of these priorities had been languishing for decades or were completely trashed under Trump, and he could not have done so much in just 4 years without all that age, skill, and experience. Hence why all the Ageism!!! was (aside from being a Republican/media smear job) dumb. He's able to do the job because he has had decades to study. Turns out that makes you actually pretty damn good at it.

Yes, Biden could not do as much as he wanted or originally planned, had to deal with MAGA Republicans and Joe Manchin/Kyrsten Sinema sabotaging him the whole time (lololol Manchin, possible possessor of the World's Biggest Ego and with Trump around that's saying something, popping out of obscurity to self-righteously announce he would not be willing to be Kamala's VP. YEAH ASSHOLE. LITERALLY NOBODY ASKED YOU. NOBODY WHATSOEVER. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS AT LEAST WE WILL SOON NO LONGER HAVE MANCHIN IN THE SENATE). And yes, Biden made some serious mistakes of his own, because he IS from an older generation and a different style of doing politics/different beliefs that no longer resonate with the younger segments of the electorate. But this old white Catholic guy at the age of almost 80 still managed to be the most progressive president ever, coming in at a moment of incredible domestic and international crisis and getting us safely to the other side, and all cynicism, criticizing, and caveating aside, he deserves an incredible amount of credit for that. I mean that absolutely, and I am very grateful.

As I said, willingly relinquishing that power takes guts, and when Biden saw the writing on the wall that he had to sacrifice himself, he took his time, he didn't jump too early, and he didn't jump too late. On the most basic level, it becomes a hell of a lot easier to make the "both parties are not the same" argument when one is running a (comparatively) young brown woman and the other is still running their loathed felonious old demented orange traitor. Most Americans are not plugged into policy minutiae and details. They look at Biden-Trump, they see two old white guys. When you take one of those old white guys away (who goes in a self-sacrificially heroic manner and in sharp contrast with the coup-happy fascist) and put Kamala Harris in there instead, it generates an obvious jolt. People can see for themselves that there is a real difference that doesn't rely on closely reading news and tracking complex policy, because as noted, most Americans simply don't. The brown first-generation American daughter of brown immigrants is a quantifiably different story from "old white guy career politician," which for better or worse is how Biden was seen, especially the old part. We needed that establishment expertise to beat Trump in 2020; I still think Biden is the only one who could have done it, and as noted, we owe him a great debt for doing so.

However.... 2024 is not 2020, and it is not 2016. There has been this HUGE and unbelievable swing to Kamala because she represents the antithesis of what the last eight years of Trump-induced anger, fear, panic, chaos, and hatred has stirred up. That's why people are so ready to rally around her, just as they were (I daresay) around Obama in 2008, after the exhaustion, chaos, war, and mounting economic misery of Bush. Trump has been out of office for the last four years, but his shadow over the American political landscape has been omnipresent. Now people know that we finally have a real chance at getting rid of him forever, and just as Biden was uniquely positioned to capitalize on that in 2020, so Harris is now. Which is why, however tough it will be, she has a real shot at winning. I can guarantee the Republicans know that, and are shit scared. Because the Black Lady Army of Democracy has indeed arrived in force to Get This Shit Done and I don't know about you, but I found that incalculably comforting:

Yikes! All lined up for Kamala pic.twitter.com/Dt4OCDp7WX

— Alex Cole (@acnewsitics) July 24, 2024

This, at the most basic level, is what scares fascists the most, it's exactly what we need now, and what Harris is uniquely positioned to mobilize, along with her gangbusters appeal to young voters:

This is the energy we need. This is what Biden saw and planned for and which he launched us into, and where all that experience and age paid off. This is why people, even people otherwise disengaged, disillusioned, or checked out of the tedious and mind-numbering drudgery and depression of American politics, are responding to it. Because it's easy to understand, it offers hope, and it tells a very simple story that is nonetheless long overdue:

Thanks so much, Joe. Go absolutely waste that orange fucker, Kamala. We got your back.