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highly-flammable · 4 years ago

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Reacting to Legacies 3x03 (SPOILERS):

1. So ARE we FINALLY getting to some proper firstborn Mikaelson witch breakdowns?

2. Oh well, apparently no. They'll just try to wave it off as some one time thing probably.

3. So Hope and Landon are on a break. Okay. TBH watching them sass each other is interesting.

4. The guidance counselor is pretty much a compulsion monster, is that it? Well, I do like his wardrobe.

5. Alyssa's concern for MG is so fake I can't.

6. Nobody other than Jed read for Stefan? THE DISRESPECT.

7. Lizzie playing Caroline makes total sense but them asking Josie to play the lead without even an audition looks a bit bad TBH. Like, give the other interested people a chance, at least.

8. I find it a bit repetitive how there are mind-controlling monsters popping out again and again.

9. So MG is basically going through a phase similar to what Cami was going through when Klaus used to compel her at the beginning of TO. Considering Quincy's fondness for Cami, he must have liked playing that.

10. I understand that Landon is supposed to be a capable songwriter in-universe but it takes more than that to write and direct a musical and it's very weird that they didn't even find a guest star to pose as a Drama or English teacher who is guiding him or something. WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?

11. I kinda feel like some of the lead characters in this show are colour-coded. I see Hope and Landon in red and blue a lot (the two gowns we have seen Hope wearing also fall into this pattern) and Josie wears yellow in like, every other episode. If I recall correctly, Lizzie wears a lot of white, too. I wonder what the reasoning behind these choices are.

12. Well, I liked Hope and Landon's relationship in S1, I have no idea what was going on with it in S2, and I still don't know what to think about it.

13. Lizzie casts herself in Caroline's role and then chokes at rehearsal. Not totally unrealistic but still feels a bit forced to me. Would have been better if Landon cast her because she's Caroline's daughter and Lizzie was a bit apprehensive in the first place because she didn't want to mess up the role.

14. I appreciate the show taking a moment to talk about Lizzie's bipolar disorder though. It's been a while.

15. "Bonnie just disappears for long periods of time"? Dude, she's still super important and you're putting her in the play. Right? RIGHT?!

16. Landon, THANK YOU for pointing out how weird Caroline and Alaric's relationship was. The guy deadass got engaged to her and had a pissing contest over her with Stefan, that will never not gross me out.

17. So the monster is mind controlling Landon to put Klaus into the play. Saw this coming IG.

18. Hope is painting again, like her dad used to do when he felt things were going out of control. I've been rewatching TO and this is making me so emotional. I MISS KLAUS AND HIS SHENANIGANS. And not a single character on Legacies comes close to Klaus, Elijah and Hayley for me. (Sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings but Legacies really is a downgrade from TVD and TO)

19. Ugh, why would he use the contents of the letter as lyrics? Dude, is it because you're mind-controlled? No, I don't like this. Klaus loved Hope to the ends of the earth and wanted everyone to know but Hope wants to keep things private, and her wishes should have been respected.

20. So apparently Landon tries not to put Klaus' villainous antics into the show. Well, okay, it's definitely a copout but since he is Hope's boyfriend, makes sense. But I don't understand why the musical HAS TO BE about the Salvatore school. The accreditation excuse is lazy, writers! Also, Landon, my dude, Klaus was a major donor of the school. Put that in instead of the other things, stop pissing off your girlfriend FFS. Even if you're mind-controlled 🤦🏻‍♀️

21. I do find it funny how Landon is all gaga over Klaus' use of language though. The guy really did have the best lines, didn't he? (Tied with Elijah, I suppose, for me)

22. The other singers of the first song are really good so Kaylee sounds a bit rusty in comparison. Also, she reminds me too much of Dark!Josie with the hair and makeup. From a distance, she can be mistaken for Nina though.

23. I love that the backstage activities are being shown.

24. I'm digging Jed as Stefan and I really like his singing voice. And the Hero Hair wig cracked me up. Kaleb is obviously good at singing at it's nice to hear more from him. I also like how Chris Lee didn't try to exactly emulate Ian and played Damon how someone who has only heard about him might play him.

25. Is Hope painting herself before the pit or something? Or is this supposed to symbolize her despair at her parents' loss? ALSO, I WANT SOMEONE TO MENTION HAYLEY :( Why is Hayley so ignored?!

26. The same person probably wrote MG's notes and Caroline's letter IRL and therefore, in-universe, MG has Caroline's handwriting and it's funny to me.

27. Jenny sings well, I like it. I don't understand the song though, was Caroline actually ever feeling this insecure? I feel like the song became a lot more about Lizzie than her mother. (It's been forever since I watched TVD, if anyone has yet to guess, I prefer watching TO)

28. The doppelganger thing cracked me up.

29. Wait why did the monster attack Josie?! Ohhhh he's forcing Landon to improvise and put Klaus' song at the end. Well, I guess it makes it seem a bit less like Landon's fault. But would Hope know that?

30. It's hilarious how they lowkey make a call back to Nina leaving TVD and them having to put Elena in a sleep spell though.

31. Landon having a hissy fit is funny to me. Aria needs more comedic scenes.

32. Wait, where did Jade come from? Has she been in the school all these weeks?

33. While the scene seems a bit shabby to me, Klaus talking to Hope reminds me of their scene from TO 4X03. I needed more of Summer Fontana and Joseph Morgan together. Also, the donation did get mentioned, YASSSS. Man did some horrific things but he did fund the school so maybe a little less badmouthing in the presence of his daughter now that you know the story, eh, students?

34. The fact that the guidance counselor actually wore a leather jacket and a henley is cracking me up. It's really bizarre.

35. "Terrible painter" XD Klaus would have eaten you for saying that if he were alive.

36. Um, Hope, wouldn't you ask your family if you are doing enough to make your father proud, instead of this random bloke who supposedly met him once?! Maybe call Freya or Rebekah.

37. Why is this monster being nice to Hope? Doesn't it try to break people up or something? You'd think he'd try to piss her off even more and ruin her relationship with Landon.

38. Stefan was trying to be more like Damon by sacrificing himself? Um, what?

39. Well, this musical at least gave Stefan and Caroline a goodbye scene. I wonder how much the twins remember Stefan, must have been a bit emotional for Lizzie to play that. Jenny's singing was gooood, really liked it.

40. JED WAS GONNA KISS LIZZIE AND I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN. But a forehead kiss does work.

41. Hope's playing Elena now? What?

42. Ngl I want Hope and Jed to be friends. She needs more of a connection to her wolf side. Both of her parents wanted her to be surrounded by wolves and she's barely interacting with the wolves in this show, which always makes me sad.

43. So this monster can also do little spells and move physical objects eh? Whatever, this is random.

44. And this monster brings people back together? Why?

45. So when Hope is singing, is she doing it as Elena or Hope? She came on stage as Elena, but I thought the song is about Hope. So WHAT IS IT?

46. Oh Damon's on stage, so Hope is singing as Elena and it's a call back to the graveyard scene from the TVD finale.

47. Danielle sings pretty well. It's good she decided to perform this time.

48. Okay, that lifting up scene was adorable. I feel like Hope and Landon are at their cutest when they're a bit spontaneous. But she's Elena on stage and it lowkey looks like Landon crashed her romantic scene with Damon to kiss her so I'm cackling.

49. How much older is Jade supposed to be than Josie?

50. So is Josie going to leave the school for a while and that's why Ethan will be back in the picture?

51. Jade used to babysit Josie? Okay, it is hella awkward.

52. Josie why, don't do this, yikes. Kissing her once doesn't make it non-creepy.

53. The Sheriff feels kinda shoehorned to me. Also, I don't care for Matt Davis or his character.

54. So Candice did the voiceover for Caroline's letter. That's nice for the show. I still don't understand why the letter showed up in Hope's fireplace though LOL.

55. This episode should have spent more time exploring the aftermath of the loss of Rafael. The abrupt shift from the last episode wasn't nice.

56. Yeah, kids, talk out your problems, thanks.

57. I feel like Klaus is too much of a controversial figure that Hope's conflict about her father's reputation would be resolved in one day. This is feeling undercooked. Speaking of, when is one of Klaus' or Hayley's enemies coming after Hope, because she did inherit all of them. Would make for better storytelling than this monster of the week nonsense. And yeah, still no mention of Hayley, I hate this.

58. The monster's characterization was really odd to me and I am so tired of this format SMH.

59. So they toyed with MG for weeks to get a vampire for the spell? That sounds like too much effort. There are tons of vampires from Klaus and Rebekah's bloodline, they couldn't find another? Also, I wonder who is the wolf that they will use.

Well, I felt like this episode was mostly okay, but not that well-cooked or epic or whatever. What is horrific is that they didn't show Bonnie, though. They could have at least gotten a female black guest character who is one of the witch students or something. This is very offensive.

Also, I don't think it makes sense for the show to do any more musicals in the future. This ain't Riverdale.

#legacies #legacies cw #hope mikaelson #landon kirby #lizzie saltzman #josie saltzman #kaleb #jed #milton greasley #alyssa chang #jade #klaus mikaelson #hayley marshall #elena gilbert #damon salvatore #stefan salvatore #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes #cami o'connell

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calypsoff · 4 years ago

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Fifty Seven. Part 2

Looking over at Chris, he keeps falling asleep in the SUV. Meanwhile I slept and he didn’t, I wonder if he got any type of sleep actually come to think of it but him sleeping in the SUV he must be exhausted. Opening my bag and grabbing my phone, I’m sorry but he looks too cute asleep with his phone in hand, he is hanging bad. Aiming my phone camera and taking a picture, he is going to have one nasty neck pain when he wakes up. Tapping on IG and tapping on IG story, adding the picture and captioning ‘He still makes every appointment for me and FYI! He calls me a mouth breather lol. Love you @fuckyopictures’ pressing send on the post, I want to wake him and tell him about his neck, but I will leave it, let me call Jay Brown while I’m here and tell him I will do the Grammys, I don’t feel like shit anymore and I am ready to do that. I am ready to perform before I give birth, placing my phone against my ear as it rang out. Watch his ass not pick up, he always busy doing something “Rihanna” he answered “oh, very formal. In a meeting I am guessing?” He must be, I know that voice “you know me, but I had to answer. Everything ok? You’re important to me” he is so caring ��I accept, me and Chris discussed, and he says make the Grammys about you, keep this a secret and then walk the carpet” I want him to know that Chris was involved “I like your husband, he is a clever man. I will tell them; this is going to be great. I will contact you soon I have to go. Bye” he disconnected the call, well he’s happy anyways. But I am excited about this, I think Chris is right. But I hope my face doesn’t look fat, oh my god I hope my face doesn’t come out because I will cancel that shit with quickness. I need to tell Tina actually, get the team together for the performance.

My driver opened my car door for me “thank you, I am going around to wake him” I added before he rushes over and opens the door for Chris, he is still asleep and I had to sit in silence because of him. Dragging open the car door “Chris, hey” tilting my head to see his face, god he is knocked out asleep “Christopher” patting his thigh, his head shot up and eyes wide open “hey” I laughed “we’re home, come out” walking off, he will eventually come out of the car. Making my way to the house, I am generally getting used to living here. At first I was a little not really liking it but I am getting there, it’s nice and smaller then what I would have gotten but I do like the stairs going up. I will need to childproof the whole house soon though, unlocking the door and pushing it open. Looking behind me and Chris hasn’t made his way out so I will leave it open for him, looking behind me once again “is he coming?” It’s making me doubt myself, the driver was going to go back around but I heard the door shut. Let me wait for my sleepy head to come, my smile grew seeing him dragging his feet. I am very much in love with him, the same way I saw him the first time, I do think to myself did I like him first day and if I am being honest with myself I was more scared he would be mean to me but I did fall for him “I love you Chris, I really do” Chris lazily put his arm around me “I know you do” he said huskily “you have really opened my heart in ways that I didn’t think could happen, I just want to thank you for loving me in every way” Chris chuckled “you’re being very loving now huh, what you want?” He questioned “dick” and I’m being deadass “that can be arranged, what you doing now” I’m sure Barry is here somewhere “office” nodding my head “can I come? I just want to be there for you, I want to know your business, if you don’t mind?” I want to be involved “but what if I’m not doing it right, you’re going to judge me” he is right “but then you learn, it’s ok” he needs to learn.

Chris keeps on looking over at me and then laughing, not sure why but he’s feeling like I am judging him but I’m not at all “how do you like, let me ask this. How do you take care of your family without giving them a job to help you? Like you and your family are good, no jealousy or upset but they live good, if you understand what I mean” why is Chris looking at me like he shy “what is it?” He’s stupid “no just looking but tell me” I chuckled “I don’t hire family, I treat them. When I go to Barbados I buy them gifts, I never have my family struggle at all. If they were I would want to know how to help, I learned giving money is a no. It doesn’t help, they do live good, and I do bring them on holiday and things but hiring family gets messy, even friends. I rather hire a person I don’t know then family. Worst mistake same goes for friends. I do spoil them, if they have a venture then I will help them with it and they know it. This is why I asked and said if they have a venture help them but hand on heart, after I heard they fucked your supplier up I wouldn’t give them shit, so why did you leave them in Vegas? For what? To have fun” Chris’ eyes widened “erm no” the erm speaks volumes “erm yes, don’t stick up for people like that Chris; they are playing with your money, so when something fucked up happens it will be Chris Brown’ friends messed up, never them. Your name and then mine, you need to be lethal, they will learn. The hardest part for you is maybe letting go and it is for me with my dad so I understand but now I am a wife and mother to be, I know where my loyalty lies and if my child or husband comes in harm’s way by my dad then I will cut him off, he can hurt me but not my family and trust me Chris I am waiting for that moment, I had to become this way or I would be taken advantage of and broke I guess” I didn’t want Chris to think I’m a hypocrite by saying that “I understand, so how would I do it. Telling them?” Good question “take them out for a meal, but Chris I have a feeling in my heart you’re covering up for them. They were in Vegas for nothing, and you left them there. I saw their posts, if I know they are using us as a pass into things, I won’t be happy. Nobody does that” Chris’ face went so small like I struck a nerve and I just know this game; I have lived through it and I don’t play at all.

Chris has been quiet ever since “so who is Deja?” I asked, he is answering her emails “she is working with my social media, since she started the page it has been super lit, there is three of them and they are answering service stuff, Neima and Cena are making a website which will be live soon” nodding my head “ok, that is fine. What to do with that, do a good launch. Freebies and stuff, entice people. I will promote it too; it’s your big day Chris so tell me when. I can you know be at your event, I mean not really but if you do a little IG live I can be on it, Chris it’s a big step. Be excited for it, so erm” I paused thinking “have you announced that website coming soon?” He nodded his head “ok, now post it on your personal page how excited you are. Just announce there is a surprise to come, I will figure something out for you. Let me just help you ok?” He was about to speak “but I am not with you to use your name” putting my hand up “stop, just let me help you and say there is a surprise, but I will think about what to do ok? Now discuss this with your team, your new team. I am going to find Mel, show her our baby, show her how active it is” getting up from the chair “you’re going to do good Chris; I just know it. I will help you” touching the top of his head before I walked off, he worries too much what people will thing when he shouldn’t “actually Chris, I have one. I will design a piece of clothing, limited edition” I winked at him, that just came to mind so quick there. That will help him a lot, they will eat that up, well my fans will anyways but then people will start buying and like his stuff because I do, he makes good stuff.

In no way shape or form am I being selfish with Robyn or declining what she wants to do for me but I wanted to kind of do it in my own but the more I realise, the more things are explained to me, the more hard this is to do on your own without the right backing which I have, with Robyn. I have Drake to fall on too also, I will contact him actually to help but I just need to get over this Barry and TJ shit “you’re here” Barry made his way into my office, looking up from my lap “you seem really down for a nigga that just saw his baby throwing up gang signs” I snorted laughing “gang signs, nigga” dapping him “I just saw the scan photos, cute bro. Baby is really claiming westside already” watching him sit down “thank you, I am excited for when the baby is here, just tired. If I am a little quiet” Barry looked around the office “you spending time with Mel then?” I mean what else if he here for “yeah, lay the pipe and leave” he laughed “that was your saying, don’t give me that look. She likes a chunky nigga with a big dick, what can I say” shaking my head “if you’re speaking like that then close the office door, what did you do in Vegas when I went?” I asked but I know what happened of course, I am not stupid “we were at your plot and we just were vibing, girls were just passing their numbers. We just living, you know what happened” Barry pointed at me “how many?” Barry cackled “yo, the girls were good” I sighed out “bro, leave Mel alone please. Just leave her, I don’t think you should be doing this to her. She is a good woman” Barry pulled a face at me “right I see you have your life in order, you’re married and everything. Just stay out of single folk business bro, come on” kissing my teeth “it is my business Barry, Mel is practically a sister to Robyn and if she finds out Robyn will know that I know! She fucking will, I am asking you as my friend to leave her alone” Barry knows I mean it now “just like that huh? We had sex and she’s a bad bitch you know these caribbean women love sex, you don’t know her sexually Chris, she sucked me off on the first time you know chicks like that stick, she is ok with it” he is a liar “bro I am telling you now, it ends here. You nicely say to her that I am not ready to settle, that is Robyn’ sister and I know this will upset her, and I thought you wouldn’t just be a dickhead about it, you got to stop and stop talking like that you dickhead! You know my wife’ background so shut the fuck up” Barry looks annoyed with me.

I need to speak up about it, I won’t say it to them, but he needs to stop this thing “right, so you’re upset about something that has nothing to do with you, why can’t you just keep your nose out of it right. I am having fun, she is too” he is funny “so she knows you’re having sex with other women? So I can just go up to her and tell and she will know?” he knows damn well that Mel doesn’t know shit “Chris, look. You are my brother, just let me have fun” punching the desk “Barry! You fucking listen to me, you drop it. She is a decent girl and doesn’t deserve this ego you have got right now; in her delusional mind she thinks you’re a good man! Not knowing you’re telling me she is a easy fuck! Fucking leave her or we going to have problems!” I shouted at him because I lost my temper, is he being fucking real right now with everything he is saying, playing girls like that “is everything ok here?” Mel and Robyn walked in “yeah, just having boys talk, right Barry?” he is angry, I know my friend “yes” sitting back in my seat “what are you both doing here?” I questioned “just Mel is going out with Barry now and I just come here to see your face” rolling my eyes playfully “miss me that much, my mom loved the photos. She is emotional about it, good looking out telling me to send them” my mother is so overjoyed, thanks to Robyn telling me to send them to her.

I was going to go for a nap, but Robyn sent me a text message saying come upstairs, that her back hurting so I guess I better make my way upstairs and help my baby to sleep. Walking up the steps while looking out of the window, my back yard is so damn beautiful. I really love it here, it’s so peaceful. Clearing my throat as I made my way to the bedroom, I think we need to start fixing the bedroom next door to ours for our baby. A smile grew on my face, just pure excitement hit me because I am about to be a whole daddy, I already love the baby “I am here” opening the bedroom door “you good?” closing the door behind me “oh you stood up now? You just text me that your back hurt and here I am, we can nap together” squinting my eyes “wait, you didn’t have makeup on before?” I pointed “I like how you notice poppa, I got dressed up for you. But” she dragged out undoing her robe, raising an eyebrow as Robyn took off her robe exposing her naked bottom, my breathing hitched “damn” I breathed out, she looks so beautiful naked “you look so good Robyn” it went straight to my dick, I felt it flinch already. Walking over to Robyn “your body is amazing Robyn, every part of it. You are really carrying our child, which makes you amazing” rubbing her bump with the back of my hand staring into her eyes, leaning down to Robyn and pressing a kiss to her lips and then moved away from her lips to cheek and down to her neck.

Our eyes met and held when I stepped forward and grabbed Robyn, pulling her body back to the edge of the bed. Licking my lips, I can’t help but touch her bump “you good with me touching your bump?” lightly touching “yes” Robyn placed her hand over mine “just makes me so happy to know how much you care” biting my bottom lip, moving my hand back and leaning down. The head of my erection pressed against the entrance of her sex and I am ready to be buried deep inside of her, it has been so long. I plan on slowly pushing myself all the way to the hilt and fill her completely. Spreading her legs wide and pushing them back into the air “you good?” I asked, I have too “yes, it’s ok Chris” I held on to her ankles and slid inside of her “damn!” Robyn spat, my groan was deep and long when she gripped my member and tighten around me. My hips barely moved forward; my rhythm is so slow. My eyes are locked on my dick sliding in and out of her. I enjoy watching myself disappear deep inside of her, it amazes me how stimulating such a thing as watching yourself stroke in and out of my wife could be. My eyes gazed up when I heard Robyn moan, her voice was caught in her throat, and all she could do was look up at me with begging eyes “faster” she wants me to go faster, to stroke a little deeper, to push a little harder. This agonizingly slow speed I was serving her was beginning to drive her mad clearly “I have to be nice” is Robyn crazy, we have to be good and not crazy about this.

I stared down at her face, loving each priceless expression she made. The ruffle between her eyebrows, the wrinkle of her nose, how tight her eyes were clenched shut, and what really turned me on, the way her tongue brushed across her bottom lip before pulling it back inside her mouth and biting down. It drove me wild, awaking the beast inside of me, but I had to contain myself. I fought the urge to flip her over and drive into her, something I really wanted to do, but I couldn't. I have my baby to think of now, I have to be good. Pulling out of her and thrust back inside of her and picked up my speed. Finding a natural rhythm, each stroke was filled with passion. Letting go of her ankles, I gripped her hips and piston into her. The bed rocked back and forth as Robyn gripped me and released, gripped me and release. My speed picked up more and my head fell back in ecstasy. It has been so long since sex “oh fuck!” I shouted; I know I will come early because it’s been too damn long since.

She came, I came. We both came hard. With a raspy grunt, we remained connected, our climax still slowly riding through us. I fell forward and placed my hands on either side of her, sucking down on her neck. My open mouth kisses moved across her ear "I love you" I started moving my hips again “my man always hard huh” I grinned “for you” nuzzling her nose, I am hard as hell for Robyn and always will, look how beautiful she looks under me “if I wasn’t already pregnant I would be” I didn’t even leave Robyn, I just can’t believe how hard I am still “you feel weird?” Robyn asked, placing her hand on my chest “a little, I would have flipped you over and fucked you so bad” kissing Robyn’ lips as I thrusted into her.

#chrianna ff #chrianna fanfiction #fanfiction #chriannaff #fanfic #chrianna

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hard-boiled-criminal · 4 years ago

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Planetary Magick: 2

(Twisted wonderland x reader)

Masterlist

_______________________

Unedited

“Yeah…charming.” Apparently, by ‘charm,’ the headmaster meant ‘dilapidated and might have asbestos.’

An old Iron fence surrounded the perimeter, the bars mangled and twisted, as if something rammed into it over and over at each possible section of fence. You could only hope that whatever did that was no longer here. Unsurprisingly, the fencing was rusted in many places and had dead vines draped around them, no doubt having tried to survive on the fence but to no avail. What stood out as odd to you though, was the gate: it had an intricate design reminiscent of the black skeletal structure of a stained-glass window. Though it was odd to see these graceful curves and patterns on the gate compared to the arrow-headed fencing, it was something else that put you off. The gate itself was in pristine condition—no rust or dents whatsoever. You noticed an old, rusted padlock on the ground nearby, which was most likely used to seat the gate once upon a time, but that only lead to more confusion about why only the gate was so well taken care off.

The grounds themselves were mostly barren, save for a few vertical hedges and some dead trees. The dorm building itself sat atop the small hill and was in pretty bad shape. All the windows had been sloppily boarded up and patches of shingles were missing from all over the roof.

“Right, right,” Crowley brushed off your comment and lead you up the stone stairs towards the dorm. “Please come inside.”

‘Maybe it’s not that bad on the inside?’

Scratch that, you felt like the guy on the receiving end of “Sike! That’s the wrong number!” You didn’t think it could get even worse, but the interior proved you wrong. It was a complete mess inside; furniture stained and overturned, firewood and books scattered everywhere, cobwebs and spiderwebs in every nook and cranny, paintings and pictures either crooked on the wall or on the ground. The wallpaper was peeling at the seams with patches missing all over, and one of the wall sconces was completely broken, both the lightbulb and glass cover missing. And while the floorboards looked okay, there was no doubt in your mind that some of them were definitely rotted and would collapse under your weight in a heartbeat.

You turn and blankly stare at the headmaster. Did he really believe these were suitable living conditions? You were almost positive there was mold in this run-down dorm, and who knows which ones pose a threat to you since you’re an alien? “Does OSHA not exist here or something?”

“I’m sorry, but I do not believe I have heard of this ‘oh-shuh,’” Crowley replied, sounding honest.

“The Occupational Safety and Health Administration?” You got a blank look from Crowley. You sighed, “figures…” ‘Note to self: learn how to establish a government-funded fantasy OSHA so you can pile Crowley with violation fines. Or at least threaten him with them so he’ll fix up the damn place.’

“Staying here will at least keep you out of the rain,” he rushed to get his sentences out. Maybe he got nervous when he heard you say ‘safety and health?’ “I’m going back to do more research. Make yourself at home. Don’t go wandering around the school! Goodbye!” With that, Crowley rushed out the door in a hurry.

‘Well fuck. First order of business: cleaning up lest I die of never-ending sneezing fits.’ You were only able to get all the furniture upright before it started to rain, making you lose all focus and run to peak out a window, trying to get a good angle to see the rain, and hopefully lightning, through the boards.

You’ve always loved the sounds of rain and thunder. More importantly, there was finally something normal. Hearing the rain pattering against window and seeing the occasional flashes of lighting in the distance relaxed you. Out of habit, you counted the seconds between the lightning and thunder to estimate how far away it was. You counted eight seconds before you heard the low rumbling of thunder.

You sighed, content, before you remembered, “It’s storming! I can collect storm water!” You ran to the first door you saw and flung it open to see what looked to be a kitchen. Excited to finally get a round of good luck, you searched through the cabinets, grabbing any jars and bowls you could find. You found a total of three glass jars, which you removed the lids from, and two large bowls. You stacked the bowls and placed the jars as best as you could inside the top bowl before heading back out the front door. You walked out from the covered entrance into the rain and placed the containers along the side of the stone path so they wouldn’t be in the way. The rain started to fall heavily, forcing you to run back inside before you were completely drenched. Luckily, the large hooded cloak you wore kept you dry for the most part. You carefully pulled off the partially-singed wet coat and draped it across the back of the rocking chair you righted earlier to dry.

“Hyii! It’s really coming down!”

Startled, you snapped your head to face the direction the voice came from, only to be met with that same bakeneko (monster cat) that tried to incinerate you.

“Gyahaha! You’ve got this stupid look on your face like a spider being attacked by a water gun!” The bakeneko cackled at you. They must have snuck in when you set out the bowls and jars. “I’ll have no trouble sneaking back into school. If you think getting thrown out is gonna make me give up on getting in, you’ve got another thing coming!”

“Mm, well good luck little bakeneko. It might help to not set the school on fire,” you gave them some helpful advice.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. All that matters is that I get into this school,” the bakeneko brushed off your words. “Afterall, I’m a genius who is destined to be a great magician! I've been waiting for the Ebony Carriage to come pick me up. But... But... Hmph! The Dark Mirror just doesn't have an eye for this. So that's why I came here on my own. Not letting me in would be a loss for the world; humans just don't get it.”

“Well, I have to agree with you on the Dark Mirror part. Afterall, it decided to kidnap me, and I can’t do any of that flash-bang-boom magic you’ve been throwin’ around.” ‘But I can do other magick… I wonder if they have my kind of magick here… I’ll have to do some research later…’

“Wha? You can’t use magic? Pfft! You’re useless!” The bakeneko shrieked as a drop of water fell on him through the ceiling. “So cold! The roof is leaking!” He didn’t move out of the way before another drop hit him. “Fgyaa! It keeps coming! My adorable ear fire is gonna go out at this rate!”

‘Instant karma, bitch.’ You sighed, “I guess I’ll go get one of the bowls.”

“Magic should fix this leak up real quick, but you don’t got any.”

“Yeah, yeah, I can’t make things go boom, I get it. If you’ve got such a problem with the leak, why don’t you fix it yourself, bakeneko?” You said over your shoulder as you walked to the door to collect one of the bowls from outside.

“Huh? Help you? No way! I’m just a regular monster staying in a rainy place. You better get a can of tuna ready before I do any work.”

You shrugged. “Fine. Suit yourself.” You felt a drop of water land on your head this time. ‘Looks like I’ll need to get both of the bowls.’ You grabbed your damp cloak from the rocking chair and quickly threw it on before running outside towards the bowls. They had already collected about half a centimeter of storm water, and not wanting to waste it, you poured the contents of the bowls into the closest jar. Sprinting back inside, you first placed the bowls down at your feet so you could quickly peel off your now-soaked cloak and hang it back on the rocking chair. You placed the bowls under what looked to be the worst leaks in the lounge area. ‘I wonder if there’s a cleaning bucket or something in a closet somewhere.’

“Yo, I’m gonna go see if they’ve got a bucket somewhere,” you notified the bakeneko, not getting an answer, as expected.

You peered over into a nearby hallway, suddenly much more nervous as you stared down the long, dark hallway. ‘This feels like a horror game and I hate it.’ You tentatively took a step forward, and then another. You made it about five slow steps in before the floor loudly squeaked under your weight. ‘I just had an interesting thought: Actually, fuck this.’ You spun on your heel with false bravado, your entire body now tense. As you stiffly walked back towards the lounge, you froze in place as you felt the familiar tingle of eyes watching you. ‘Okay. Don’t look back. Just. Just keep walking. Put one foot in front of the other.’

It turns out it didn’t matter if you looked back or not because three ghosts suddenly appeared in front of you. They… didn’t look how you’d expect ghosts to look like. These ones looked more… cartoonish. They weren’t half as scary-looking as some of the monsters you’d seen in Scooby-Doo.

One of the ghosts giggled while the other two spoke, “We haven’t had a guest in so long…” Said one.

“I’m itching for some action,” said the other.

“Yeah, no, I’ll pass. I’ve had enough excitement for one day, thanks,” their completely underwhelming appearance circumvented practically all your initial fear, leaving you with only pure exhaustion. You didn’t have much of a filter in this state, but you didn’t really give two shits about what you said when you were tired anyway.

“Why are you talking to yourself…” the bakeneko walked around the corner and stopped dead in his tracks. “Gyaaa! G-g-g-g-ghooosts!”

Looked like someone was afraid of the cartoon ghosts.

“The people living here got scared of us and left,” a ghost explained.

“We’ve been looking for more ghost pals,” another spoke. “How about you guys?”

“Deadass? Fuckin’ go for it.”

The ghosts and bakeneko looked a bit shocked that you blatantly agreed to let them kill you to turn you into a ghost.

“Wow, you guys aren’t up to date on humor, are you?”

The bakeneko was the first to snap out of disbelief and shouted, “Grim, the Great Magician, isn’t scared of some ghosts!”

‘Heh, I ain’t afraid of no ghost.’ You had to mentally remind yourself to not start humming the ghost busters theme.

Grim, as you now learned his name was (you think), spewed more of that bright blue fire, completely missing all of the ghosts.

“Where are you aiming?” The ghosts mocked him and laughed. “Over here, over here!”

“Shoot! Stop disappearing!” Grim uselessly shouted at them and continued to be a living flamethrower.

“My mans, please, stop. At this rate there’ll be no dorm left to keep us dry.”

“Shut up! Don’t try to give me orders!”

“…I’m too tired to deal with this shit anymore. Fine. I’ll get you a can of tuna if you win without burning the house down.” You mumbled the first part before speaking to Grim.

“Wah? Mm, I-I’m a genius. I won’t let one—” Grim tried to keep his stubborn pride but was interrupted by the ghosts’ mocking laughter. “Bunch of cowards, ganging up on us!”

“Two cans. Take it or leave it.”

Your new offer seemed to change Grim’s tune in a heartbeat. “Hey, you! Tell me where the ghosts are!”

“’Kay. On your left,” Grim followed your orders and managed to singe one of the ghosts with his flames.

“I hit it!” Grim shouted, now sounding excited. “Alright, let’s chase them all outta here!”

Cue you shouting directions at Grim and him spewing fire in said directions. In all honesty, it felt like a pokemon battle. Except your pokemon was a talking cat with a holier-than-thou attitude. And you were fighting actual ghosts—not ghost type pokemon—actual previously-living-human ghosts. After a few minutes of Grim burning the ghosts, however that worked, they eventually fled the scene of your would-be murder.

“E-eh? We…won?” Grim spoke with the disbelief of someone who has never won in life before.

“Yup. Good job bakeneko Grim.”

“Ha-heee, that was scar—No, I wasn’t scared at all!” Oh Grim, what caused you to act like your pride is what matters the most? “This is nothing for the Great Grim! How ‘bout that, ghosts? You done?”

“Hey, don’t taunt them, bakeneko. If they come back, I’m not giving you directions.”

“Why do you keep calling me ‘bakeneko?’ What’s that even mean?”

“Mm, it’s because you’re like a bakeneko. They’re mononoke, yokai, that resemble cats,” Grim looked ready to protest, but you continued before he had the chance, “and are extremely powerful. If you anger a bakeneko, your chances of getting out alive are slim to none.”

“Hmmph, well, I suppose The Great Grim will allow you to call him by such a title.”

Before you could continue to talk about bakeneko and other mononoke or yokai, Crowley came in through the front door just as you and Grim made it back to the lounge.

“Good evening,” he greeted. “I have graciously brought you supper.” That’s when he noticed Grim beside you. “You’re the monster that ran amuck during the entrance ceremony! I threw you out of the school! What are you doing here?”

“Hmph! I exterminated the ghost problem! Be grateful!” Grim puffed out his chest as he spoke, continuing to act high and mighty.

“Hmm? What do you mean by that?”

“…There were ghosts here that wanted to turn us into ghosts,” you blandly explained to the headmaster.

“Now that you mention it, there were some prankster ghosts living here so students keep away from this dormitory. And that's why it is now empty. I'd forgotten that.”

You half-heartedly glared at the headmaster. ‘Oh, how convenient. You put up the broke alien in a haunted house with killer ghosts that you just so happened to forget about.’

“However, hmmmm…” Crowley either didn’t notice or acknowledge your glare. “For you two to work together to get rid of them.”

“I'm not gonna overlook that "together" comment. They were just standing there watching. And I did this for a can of tuna—Ah! I haven't gotten that tuna yet!” Grim spoke, still holding on tight to that attitude of his.

‘Grim, I swear to whatever deities rule this place that you aren’t gonna get those cans of tuna if you keep up this habit of pushing others down to raise yourself up.’

“I'd like the two of you to show me how you exterminated those ghosts.”

‘Crowley, no—'

“But we already got rid of all the ghosts! Before that: Give. Me. Tuna!” Oh Grim, so we can agree sometimes!

“I shall be the ghosts. If you beat me, I'll give you tuna cans. For I am gracious.”

“Uh, no, wait, Mr. Crowley, please—”

“Now then, Transformation Potion!” Crowley pulled a vial of liquid from his coat and downed it in one go. It didn’t take long for him to become transparent and ghost-like.

“Eeeeeeeh, I don't wanna. This is a pain and I have to team up with them again…” Grim whined.

You let out a heavy sigh. “Bakeneko, maybe if you show him how strong your magic is, he’ll let you be a student.”

“Grrrnnuuu,” Grim grumbled, annoyed. “This is the last time! You absolutely, absolutely have to give me the tuna!”

And you found yourself in a pokemon battle once more; this time, it was you and a bakeneko versus an actual living breathing person that can turn into a ghost.

‘If it’s a pokemon battle, might as well use pokemon rules.’ You pointed at the see-through headmaster, “Grim, bite him!”

“Hah? You really are a stupid human!” Grim shouted and spewed fire instead, though he missed like before.

“Fine, we’ll use your fire, but I’m explaining the pokemon system to you later. On your left!”

Turns out, pokemon battles can get boring when it’s just the same thing over and over again. Eventually, it seemed the effects of the potion wore out and Crowley returned to his usual opaque self.

“Hee-haaa…” Grim was panting, trying to catch his breath. “How 'bout that!”

“I can't believe… There is a person who can command monsters,” Crowley spoke in mild awe mixed with disbelief.

‘…Does this world not have pokemon? Should I?... No, I shouldn’t… but what if—what if I introduced myself as Gary Oak and just… no I can’t do that. I can’t tell people “smell ya later.”’

“Hmmm... Actually, my teacher senses were telling me since the uproar during the entrance ceremony that you have talent as an animal or wild beast trainer.”

‘…This man is really making this a cliché pokemon plot… Is this how it all started? Am I the original trainer!? Nah… Unless—’

“But, no matter how…” Crowley began muttering to himself, to quiet for me to make out.

“Hey, just let him stay here,” you were exhausted at this point and the bakeneko had honestly grown on you some. Plus, you needed him around in order to explain pokemon to him.

“What now? Let a monster live here?” You couldn’t see Crowley’s face behind the mask, but you were sure he was giving you a judging look.

“Well, I mean, he did just show you the magic he’s got, which is a whole lot more than I’ve got, and you’re letting me stay here. So why not let him stay? He still a magician, he’s just, well, in the shape of a cat.”

After a few seconds, Crowley sighed, “It can’t be helped.”

“Funa!? Really?!” Grim’s eyes widened and lit up as bright as his flames.

“However, I can't simply allow someone, let alone a monster, into school who wasn't selected by the Dark Mirror. Also, I can't let you be a freeloader here until you return to your own world.”

“Talk about short-lived joy…”

“Listen until the end,” Crowley then turned to you. “Concerning the fact that your soul was called here, the school has to take responsibility as the owners of the Dark Mirror. For the time being, you'll be permitted to stay in this dormitory for free, but other necessities you will have to provide for yourself.”

‘Uhhh what? I don’t even have my own clothes. How the hell am I supposed to live with no money or ID?’

“Seeing as you have nothing to your name,” he gave a slight chuckle for reasons unknown, “here is my proposition.”

Your mind immediately jumped to all the horror stories you’ve heard of what comes from owing shady people favors. The growing panic must have shown on your face according to Crowley’s next words.

“No need to fret, I'll have you do maintenance and odd jobs around campus. From what I can see, you're pretty decent at cleaning,” he said after glancing around the room. “Would you two like to become the "handyman" of the school? This way you will receive special permission to remain on school grounds. You'll also be able to research going home or study whatever you desire in the library. For I am gracious. However! Only after your work is done.”

“Eeeh!? I'm not okay with that!” Grim complained. “I wanna wear that fancy uniform and be a student!”

“It's fine if you're unsatisifed. I'll simply toss you out again.”

“Ffgnnaa!? I get it! I just have to do it. Just do it!”

“’Kay.”

“Wonderful,” Crowley clapped his hands once in delight of our agreeance. “Then, you two starting tomorrow, endeavor to be the best handyman at Night Raven College!”

“Cool, now that that’s settled, headmaster,” he turned to face you. “I’m, like, about to pass out from pain. I’m covered in bruises and burns, plus my vision is blurry and I can’t focus on anything. My eyes are like a camera lens that twenty children smeared their greasy fingers on. You’re magical in that flashy, immediate results way, right? Doesn’t that mean you or someone else can help me not feel like I want to peel off my skin? It’d be cool for my skin to not burn when I get cleaning solution on it tomorrow.”

“Oh, uh, yes, of course,” Crowley almost seemed sheepish, as if he were embarrassed to have not truly noticed the state you were in until now. “While healing magic is not my forte, it should be enough to heal the wounds you have.”

He pointed his palmed towards you and you watched as it began to glow a pale yellow. Slowly you felt your burns and bruises dull themselves to just faint aches. He kept this up for about a minute before he extinguished his magic and pulled his hand back.

“Now, the worst of your wounds are still be a bit tender, but they should be completely healed after a good night’s rest. So, off you go then; sleep now so you’re ready for work in the morning,” He shooed you off with a hand gesture.

“Thank you, headmaster. C’mon Grim, let’s get going.”

As you and Grim headed up the stairs, the headmaster turned around and walked out of the building. Each step creaked under your weight as you trudged up them. While the pain was all but gone, your fatigue was still all-consuming. You followed Grim down the upper hallway, since it seemed he already picked a room before, probably when you went to find a bucket. You followed him into a room in a similar condition as the rest of the dorm. Across from the door sat a fireplace in the center of the opposite wall, a large mirror mounted above it. There were tall windows stationed on either side of the fireplace, almost as tall as the room itself. Towards the left side was a chair covered by a gray dust-cloth, and on the right sat a simple twin-sized bed. You pulled the duvet off the bed and shook it out, watching as you made a cloud of dust dance in the air. As soon as you placed the comforter back on the bed, Grim jumped up and curled himself up in the center of the bed. You were too tired to do anything about that; you’d just have too try and sleep around him. After shaking any dust off of your pillow, you slid yourself under the covers, one leg dangerously close to sliding off the bed. You fell asleep in record time that night.

. . .

You had a rather rude awakening the next morning consisting of Grim yelling at you and pawing at your face because the ghosts were back. Streams of blazing blue fire almost singeing your face made this one of your worst morning experiences to date. With a final warning of there being a one-sided prank war, the ghosts phased away.

“We’ll get rid of you eventually!” Grim shouted after them, but there was nothing but thin air left.

“C’mon, bakeneko. Let’s go see if there’s any food in the kitchen,” You beckoned Grim with a small wave.

“Hmph. Fine. But there better be tuna!” Grim said with a harrumph and trotted out the door ahead of you.

As you went down the stair at the end of the hallway, you saw Crowley standing in the lounge room, waiting for you and Grim.

“Good morning, you two,” he greeted when he noticed you. “Did you sleep well?”

“I was sprawled out then fell out the bottom! Just how ramshackle did you let this place get?” Grim shouted, equally as upset about the state of the dorm as you were. “Then the ghosts woke me up, this is the worst!”

“Like the dead,” was your response.

“Even though you just got tossed from another world you can still be cheeky, wonderful!” Crowley was as upbeat as ever. “I came to speak to you about your work for today. Today you are to clean the campus, but campus is quite large. Cleaning it all without magic is impossible. So, I'd like you to clean Main Street to the main gate to the library, understood? Please watch Grim closely so he doesn't cause a scene like yesterday.”

“I’ll try best,” you said and shrugged. You didn’t know what you’d do if Grim went out of control; you’re not fireproof, after all.

“I'm counting on you. You have permission to have lunch in the school cafeteria. Take care of your work enthusiastically,” and with a flutter of his feathered cape, Crowley took his leave, presumably going back to campus.

“Tsk, no way I'm doing any cleaning,” Grim scrunched his nose at the thought. “I wanna go to class and, bang! Boom boom boom! Use a bunch of awesome spells!” He punched at the air with his ‘booms.’

“How ‘bout we just go to the library after we finish cleaning. Besides, libraries are where they keep all the old forbidden knowledge!” Yeah, under lock and key so no one can read them, but you weren’t about to tell Grim that. “Imagine just how much the other students will revere your power if you master ancient magic!”

“Well, what are you waiting for, human? Let’s get going!”

“Okay but let me collect my storm water first. If I wait too long, it’ll all evaporate.”

“Hmph, fine, but make it quick!”

You quickly jogged over to your bowls and jars that each held a good two inches/five centimeters worth of storm water. You poured all the water you collected into one of the jars before carrying everything back inside. You set them all down on the kitchen counter, then checked the cabinets for a lid to the jar. After finding a lid and sealing the storm water in the corresponding jar, you met back up with Grim in the lounge.

“Alright, let’s get moving.”

“About time,” Grim sauntered off, sass radiating from him with each step.

. . .

The campus was bustling with life, students with hair every color of the rainbow going every which way. After a couple minutes of walking towards what you hoped was Main Street, the crowds began to thin out, students having made it to their respective classes. It wasn’t all that hard to find Main Street, seeing as it was the busiest and largest street on campus. What you weren’t expecting was the street to be lined with seven statues of iconic Disney villains.

‘I thought… I thought I was supposed to be on another planet or world or something? Why are there Disney Villains? Are you telling me that Walt Disney himself was able to expand his franchise across all of time and space?! And maybe across dimensions and alternate universes too?! Hey Walt? You’re taking it too far, man.’

“Uwaaaah~ Amazing. So, this is Main Street. I didn't get a good look yesterday but what's with these statues? All seven of them look pretty scary. This granny looks especially snobby,” Grim said, making a face at the Queen of Hearts.

“You mean the Queen of Hearts? Yeah, she played croquet with flamingos as the mallets and hedgehogs as the balls. While they were alive. Not cool if you ask me. Or most people. Animal cruelty is bad.”

“Ehh?! Why would this lady do that?” Grim looked appropriately confused.

“Who knows? Besides, the Cheshire cat is way better. A true chaotic neutral, that one.”

“Who’s that? And what does a cat have to do with this granny?”

You were about to answer before you were cut off by a new challenger approaching. “You don’t know about the Queen of Hearts?” They had a boyish appearance with short, messy orange hair and a red heart stamped over their left eye.

‘Actually, we were just about to discuss the Cheshire cat, but go ahead and assume, I guess.’

“You know her too? Is she important?” Grim asked the redhead, his attention easily being grabbed by this newcomer.

“In the past, she was the queen who lived in the Rose Maze. She was someone who valued rules and discipline above all, strict in all things from the march of the Card Soldiers to the color of rose bushes. It was a land of madness where all submit to her rule. Why you ask? Because or else it was off with your head!” The heart-eye boy monologued with some dramatic flair.

“That's terrifying!” Grim shrieked, probably at the thought of someone chopping his head off.

“It's cool! I like it. Nobody would listen to a queen who's just nice all the time, right?”

‘Uhhhh, that queen is a tyrant, and tyrants are what lead to revolutions so… vive la révolution.’

“I suppose. A strong leader is better.” Oh, Grim, you sweet summer child who doesn’t know the difference between strength and fear.

“By the way, who are you?” Grim asked.

“I'm Ace, a fresh-faced first year. Nice to meetcha~” The boy, Ace, said with a musical lilt.

“I am Grim, a genius who'll become the greatest magician. The dimwit over here is (y/n). They're my henchmen.”

“Bakeneko, don’t you dare put me on the same level as a Scooby-Doo villain’s underling.” You glared at Grim who gave a sheepish chuckle in response.

“You've got an odd sounding name.”

“People from different places have different names. It’s called culture.” You said blandly, trying to cover up your growing anxiety.

Ace shrugged. “I guess. Just never heard your name before.”

“Hey, Ace,” Grim grabbed his attention; you could feel your shoulders sag in relief. “The lion over here with the scar, are they famous?”

Well, Ace seemed to have this handled, and you didn’t need to hear him summarize the Disney villains. Instead, you ignored him and went over to the statue of Hades and looked at him.

‘If this confirms that Hades also exists in this world, does that mean I can work with him? I know many witches back on Earth work with Greek deities, with Hades and Persephone usually being the best of them to work with. Hmm… I’ll have to do some more research.’

You then crouched down to read the stone plaque engraved in Hades’ pedestal. The large plaque read: “The lord of the underworld and guide to the wandering souls of the dead. He carried out his fearsome duties with diligence and care, m…ing even the de…t to offer their aid.” Some words had eroded away, becoming mostly unintelligible sans a few letters.* You tried to make out those two unknown words, tracing your fingers around the grooves in hopes that just maybe you’ll be able to figure out enough of the letters to piece the word together.

“No matter how long you stare at it, you’re not gonna get anything out of that, y’know,” Ace said from behind you.

You sighed and stood up, your momentary reprieve from your anxiety over. “Well, it doesn’t hurt to check.” The plaque didn’t have any information you didn’t already know, except for maybe the words you didn’t know.

“Anyway,” Ace cleared his throat, “He's the Lord of the Underworld! He rules a land crawling with evil spirit on his own. No doubt he is extremely skilled. Even though he's got a scary face, he did that detestable job without ever taking a vacation, and his sincerity won over Cerberus, the Hydra, even the Titans, to fight for him.”

“Hmmm, Hmmm. So having talent doesn't mean you get to be haughty.” Grim hummed in thought.

‘Oh, my sweet tiny bakeneko, you’re learning about manners; I’m so proud.’

“And the last one, with the horns?”

‘Oh hell yeah, Maleficent! We stan an absolute queen. Besides, who doesn’t love dragons?’

“That is the Witch of Thorns from the Magic Mountains,” Ace said, addressing Maleficent with a title rather than her name. “Noble and elegant, even within the Seven, she is top class in magic and curses! She can summon lightning and storms, cover an entire country in thorns; her magic is on a whole other level. There was even a time she transformed into a huge dragon!”

“Oooh! A dragon! All monsters look up to them!” Grim shouted excitedly.

“They're all so cool~” Ace spoke, almost dreamily, before his tone did a 180 and turned snide. “…Unlike a certain raccoon.”

“Pfft... Ahaha! I can't bear it anymore! Ahahahaha!” Ace broke out into laughter. “Aren't you the guys who went crazy at the entrance ceremony? You were summoned by the Dark Mirror even though you can't use magic, and you, a monster, weren't called but still trespassed. Yeahhh, it took everything I had not to lose it at the ceremony.”

“Whaaa!? You're a rude one!” Grim fumed, his ear fire growing in size.

You just stood there and narrowed your gaze, your anger and anxiety fighting each other for full reign. Anxiety won out in the end, keeping you silent when met with his jabs.

“And now you aren't allowed in and got regulated to be a janitor? Haha, how lame,” Ace continued mocking the both of you.

‘It’s not like I had a choice in the matter…’ You clenched your jaw while Grim growled. You could feeling the anxiety bubbling in your stomach, beginning to rise.

“On top of that, you don't even know about the Great Seven,” Ace just didn’t know when to stop. “How ignorant can you be? As I recommend you go back to kindergarten before coming to Night Raven College.”

Grim’s growls got louder as Ace continued. You, on the other hand, couldn’t bring yourself to speak and defend either of you. You felt your throat begin to close up.

“I thought I'd just mess with you a bit, but you really blew my expectations away. Unlike you two, I actually have classes to attend. Keep this school squeaky clean, you two~” He gave you a patronizing wave before turning on his heel and sauntering away.

“This jerk! He's just gonna say that and leave! I'm ticked off!” Grim opened his mouth wide.

“Wait, don’t—” You weren’t fast enough to stop Grim from using flamethrower, for a lack of better terms, on Ace.

“Oh! Watch out! What're you doing!?” Ace angrily yelled at Grim, having just barely dodged in time.

“It's what you get for making fun of me! I'm going light up that fire-head of yours!” Grim matched Ace’s volume.

“Fire-head, huh? Heeeeee. You've really got guts picking a fight with me. I'll turn you into a puffy, little toy-poodle!”

Grim spewed more flames at Ace’s threat.

‘Nope, fuck this. Fuck this. I can’t breathe, dammit!’ You hid behind the nearest statue, which happened to be Maleficent, and kneeled on the ground, trying to steady yourself and calm down enough for your throat to reopen. You bent over to rest your head on the cool grass, closing your eyes and covering your ears, trying to block out the sources of your near attack. You focused on the feel of the grass against your forehead, feeling the separations between the different blades. They were still a bit damp from the morning dew. The more you distracted yourself from the thought of Ace: stressor of the century, the more your throat relaxed and allowed you to draw breath normally once more. You jumped when a shriek pierced through your ears, completely bypassing your hand barriers and reversing all the progress you made towards calming down. Worried that the shriek meant someone got hurt, you jumped out from behind the statue. Instead of someone being hurt, to your relief (you weren’t excited about being an accomplice to assault), the Queen of Hearts’ statue was blackened.

“Crap! The Queen of Hearts' statue is charred!” Ace yelled, the dread on his face matching the shriek you just heard from him.

“It's because you're blowing the fire around! Just let me fry you!” Grim shouted back at him.

“You really think someone is just gonna let you fry them?”

“Enough!!! Just what is going on here!” The voice of Crowley boomed at the three of you, making you flinch.

‘…Fuck,’ looks like you’re not going to be able to avoid an anxiety attack after all.

“Guh! Headmaster,” Ace went rigid.

“He's going to tie us up with the 'lash of love'!” Grim yelled. “Get outta here!”

Though they tried to run, both were caught by Crowley’s whip, foiling their escape plans and making them both yelp in pain.

“Hurts just as much the second day in a row!” Grim whined.

“This is my Lash of Love!” Crowley was furious, and it seemed like he wasn’t going to calm down anytime soon. “It'll be another hundred years before you can outrun me! I told you just yesterday to 'not cause any trouble', didn't I? Then you go and char the statues of the Great Seven!” He directed his words at Grim before turning to Ace. “I very much would like to see you expelled.”

“Wait! Not that!”

“And you,” Crowley looked at you, making you freeze in place. “This is not how you supervise Grim.”

You opened and closed your mouth like a fish out of water, unable to gather the breath to form a single word. How could you talk when you were struggling to even breathe?

“My goodness,” Crowley huffed in indignation before turning to Ace. “You, what's your grade and name?”

“Ace Trappola, first year.”

“Then, Trappola, Grim, and (y/n), as punishment, I order the three of you to wash 100 windows around campus!”

“Nyaaa!? It's all cause this joker was making fun of us!” Grim protested, his fur standing on end to make him look bigger and more intimidating. It didn’t work.

“Eeeh!? Me too?” Ace looked at the headmaster in disbelief.

“Most definitely! After school, meet in the cafeteria. Understood?”

“Fiiine…”

“Nothing but misery since yesterday!” Grim complained.

Soon, both Crowley and Ace left, and you felt your body slump in relief, your knees buckling under you.

“Wha—hey, human! What’re you doing?” Grim ran up to you, genuinely confused.

You held up a finger to say ‘gimme a minute’ while you caught your breath. “Sorry…Grim…” you said after a minute, panting between words.

“Why are you out of breath? It’s not like you were running or anything.”

“This…this just happens… sometimes…” you shifted from kneeling to sitting cross-legged, leaning against the statue of Maleficent behind you. “I’m not very good with yelling… or with people, for that matter.”

“Hmmm,” Grim hummed in thought. “You humans are weird.”

You gave a soft chuckle at that, “that we are, Grim. That we are.” The two of you sat there in silence for a minute or two as your attack gradually faded away. “Hey Grim? I have a proposition for you.”

“Hah? What do you mean human?”

“What if we skipped lunch so we can make Ace suffer a bit?”

“Heee! Now you’re talkin’ my language!” Grim grinned widely, showing of his shark-like teeth.

*That was all I could make out from the plaque you can see in the seven statues background image.

A/N: Life’s been pretty shit recently hasn’t it.

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demonwifey · 5 years ago

Note

hey, welcome to the fam!! was wondering if you could do a strong-willed, hot headed fem reader who doesn’t put up w/beej’s shit but as soon as he starts to really get hot and steamy with the flirting she goes completely weak and sub? (bonus of beej knows this and takes advantage of it during petty arguments)

Ayyy, I definitely appreciate the welcome! 💚💜🖤 This is my first ask so I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings: Cursing and sexual themes

Word count: 3,920

Beetlejuice was a lot to handle. Everyone knows this. He was all too needy, flirty, and way too devious for his own good. It took a special kind of person to deal with the demon. While Beej’s favorite victims to terrorize were the Maitland/Deetz household, his attention shifted drastically when Y/N came into the picture.

Beej loved it when he could tease and pick on a person enough to put them in a flustered spur. The sound of someone being frazzled by his over the top flirting was his second favorite sound next to screaming in fear. Whether it was nose-poking, butt-grabbing, or his famous animated-ish grab and dip kisses, the demon would never hold back.

But see, you weren’t exactly an easy cookie to crumble. Although there were times that Beej’s shenanigans would get to you, you weren’t timid or shy. You actually stood up to Beetlejuice. Which ten times out of ten would completely shock him to the point of being surprisingly speechless. He was so used to getting his way and having everyone around him being apprehensive about his antics. But you were having none of it.

***

Beej knew you were a force to be reckoned with when he basically destroyed your bathroom. Since Beetlejuice was already dead he was always into the thrill of experiencing death multiple different ways (thinking about that part in the bootleg when Adam and Barbara said they wanted to cut off his head and Lydia deadass was like “You should…he’d love that”). You were sitting on the couch with your laptop looking up some new hair products your friends had mentioned to you. Having been focused on your screen you didn’t even realize your boyfriend was in the kitchen up to no good. Beej yanked the toaster’s cord out of the outlet and floated his way to your upstairs bathroom.

Not even 10 minutes later, the lights all around your apartment started to flicker and you heard a loud crackling sound coming from upstairs. Panic started to cloud up your head when you heard Beetlejuice yell in what sounded like pain and you immediately dashed up the stairs as quickly as you could. When you got to the bathroom, you were faced with the ultimate mess.

Beetlejuice was sitting in the tub holding your, now smoking, toaster. His daily striped suit set was scattered on the bathroom floor. His entire body was black due to the burns and ash from the toasters burst while his already messy hair was scattered in different directions on his head. And to top it off your bathtub, which was originally white, was covered in nothing but black ash. You stood there in disbelief for a moment before running up to Beej who sat extremely still in the ruined tub. You crouched down next to the tub and gripped his shoulders.

“Beej? Beej, look at me. Are you okay? Talk to me. Are you hurt?” You asked with clear worry in your voice. The demon man slowly turned his head towards you. Before you could register the fact that you asked these questions to a dead man, Beetlejuice let out a loud cackle while throwing his head back.

“Hell yeah I’m okay, babes. That. Was. AWESOME. You’ve got to try it with me next time…well maybe not. You might actually die.” Beetlejuice went on his mixed tangent about not wanting you to die but also how much fun he just had being electrocuted because he was bored. You stared at the demon with your eyes slightly squinted before it all hit you at once and you went off. You stood up immediately with complete anger in your eyes and heat flowing through your body.

“Beetlejuice. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?” You screamed at the man in the tub. He looked up at you with his head cocked to the side. Before he could say anything, you spoke again. “YOU REALLY JUST…SAT HERE IN MY BATH TUB AND ELECTROCUTED YOURSELF FOR THE FUCK OF IT? BECAUSE YOUR WERE BORED? DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS? OR HOW DANGEROUS IT COULD’VE BEEN?”

Complete and utter outrage filled your body as you hovered over Beetlejuice. He stood up from the tub and the water splashed around him and some onto you. He actually wasn’t completely naked as his lower half was covered by a pair of black and white boxers. He dropped the toaster back into the tub and held his hands up to his chest.

“What? Babes, it’s fine. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m already dead. No harm, now foul.” He said smirking at you as if that was to make everything better. The young woman stared at him for a little longer, completely dumbfounded. She placed her hands to the sides of her face, trying to get her thoughts together.

“Beej…I-. No harm? How the hell am I supposed to explain this to my landlord? Look at all of this! The tub is completely black and burned! And that was the new toaster my mom bought me a week ago!” You said gesturing to the disaster around him. He just looked around like a confused child, still not really grasping the reality of the situation. All you could do was let out a deep breath and run your hands over your face. Your mind scrambled with a million other things to say but you realized there was no point in wasting your breath.

“Okay, you know that. Just get out of the tub.” You said as you moved to grab the toaster’s cord out of the outlet. After, you reached down to pick up his clothes and walked out of the bathroom. You heard the water splash as he got out and walked behind you. After you both were standing in your bedroom, you threw his clothes on your bed and turned towards him. You were already annoyed but the stupid smirk on his face made you even more agitated.

“Well, babes. Had I known ruining your bathroom would’ve gotten me back into your bedroom, I would’ve done it a lot sooner.” He sauntered towards you with his hands upwards, as if getting ready to grab your breasts. Before he could get any further, you grabbed the towel off of your chair and threw it straight in his face.

“Make jokes while you can, Beetlejuice.” You said with a heavy tone of exasperation in your voice. As he scrambled to remove the towel from his face, you moved past him to go back downstairs. He stared at the door as you exited, unsure of what was about to happen next.

He dried himself off for a few minutes before putting his suit back on. Just as he finished tying his tie, you reappeared in the doorway holding a bucket full of what looked like cleaning supplies. Beej was confused before you lifted your hand and motioned him to follow you again. He did as told and you both were back in the messy room. You dropped the bucket on the floor with a loud thump and turned towards the demon.

“Now, here’s what’s gonna happen. You and I are going to clean this bathroom and it is going to be spotless. Like nothing ever happened. Because if my landlord saw this, not only would she charge me a stupid expensive repair fee, I might actually get kicked out. So, you are gonna get on your knees,” You bent down to grab a large sponge and a bottle of tub cleaner before slamming it on his chest “And scrub the hell out of this tub like you’ve never scrubbed before. And if you so much as try to poof yourself away without helping, I will banish your ass in a heartbeat and you won’t see me for a good 3 weeks. Got it?” You commanded with utter authority and sternness in your voice.

Without even needing to say it, Beej knew he couldn’t stand to not be around your for 3 minutes, let alone 3 weeks. And by the seriousness on your face, he knew you meant it. Nonetheless, Beetlejuice was shocked. No one had ever actually made him take responsibility for his actions, let alone LITERALLY make him clean up his own mess. To say the least the man was baffled, but intrigued. Beetlejuice just nodded his head quickly. You moved your hands away from him and bent down to grab your own materials.

“Alright, bugboy. Let’s get to work.”

***

It had been weeks since that incident and you and Beetlejuice were back on good terms. The dead man actually ended up apologizing, which shocked you nonetheless. Of course he brought you a bouquet of dead roses, but that’s besides the point. It was still a sweet gesture that made you forgive him.

What he didn’t tell you is that he was completely turned on from the situation. You had put Beetlejuice in his place, and that wasn’t something he was used to. Ever since he met you you were headstrong and willing to take control. Most importantly, you weren’t willing to take his shit. And he loved that.

Ever since that day, he did anything he could to get under your skin. Beetlejuice would burn your dinner multiple times a week, make too much noise while you were trying to sleep, or pick and poke at you while you were trying to get work done. Just anything and everything to make you snap and yell at him. Completely putting your dominant personality on display. Not to mention the way you took control with anger during sex drove him utterly wild. It was like finally seeing heaven for him. But after riling you up for weeks, he decided it was time for a change.

While he absolutely adored your more assertive personality, he wanted to see it all come crashing down. He wanted to see that rage filled face to turn into a flustered one. He finally wanted to be the one in control. And he knew exactly what to do.

One day Y/N came home from work completely spent. Tired, aggravated, and just plain annoyed. It was a complete case of the domino effect. The corporate bosses were frustrated about yet another thing and yelled at your supervisors. With that, your supervisors came back to yell at you and your coworkers about it. Everyone attempted to shift blame on one another, which led everyone in the office to be irritated with each other. It was a day from hell.

Once you walked through the door, you kicked your heels off and threw your bag to the side. After hanging your jacket in the closet, you flopped yourself face down on the couch. You lay there for a good minute just needing some peace and quiet. Before you could even enjoy the moment, you felt a dip in the couch behind you.

“Well hello to my favorite pair of sexy black lace panties.” You groaned quietly as you felt your demon boyfriend lift up your skirt and peak at your ass underneath. You reached behind and swatted his hand away.

“God, Beej, not now. I just had the worst day at work.” You sighed out as you turned your body around to lay on your back and looked up to see his smiling face. Although Beej had been on your nerves for the past few weeks, the only thing that got you through the day was coming home to see his pale, goofy, smiling face. He reached down to grab your legs and placed them on his lap. Beej rubbed your thighs gently with his cold hand.

“Finally ready to commit a work related homicide, dollface?” He asked, making his gritty voice quieter than usual. You let out another sigh.

“Ugh, I’m seriously like an inch away from considering it. It’s like my bosses get their asses handed to them and then they come back to blow steam on us. It’s so stupid and frustrating.” You moved to sit up. “All I wanna do for the rest of the day is eat dinner and go the fuck to sleep.”

“Yeah, no can do on that, babes.” Beetlejuice said with a smirk on his face as he continued to move his hands higher and higher on your lap. You narrowed your eyes at him, not really in the mood for any of his shenanigans at the moment.

“And why is that?” You asked, already feeling your blood start to boil inside of you. Beetlejuice just continued to smirk without actually looking at you.

“Because I~” His voice was starting to become more high pitched and you felt one of his hands already reach the top of your thigh under your skirt. “Mayormaynothavemadeahugemessinyourroomandyou’regonnahavetocleanitup.”

He spoke so quickly that you almost couldn’t understand what the hell he just said. Almost. You moved your legs off of his lap and looked directly in his eyes.

“What kind of a mess?” You asked in the serious tone he was all too excited to hear. The demon shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.

“Nothing too bad. Just me and the clones hung out. We watched some TV, played some board games, had some wrestling matches, had a big lunch date in your room. Oh! Can you believe we actually found a baby sandworm and watched it crawl up the walls?” By the time Beej had finished his sentence your eyes almost popped out of your head. You didn’t waste anymore time listening to him rant as you paced up the stairs to your room. You were met with a closed door and the fear of what was waiting behind it was all too real. You slowly put your hand on the door handle and twisted it slowly.

Beej was still sitting on the couch feeling extremely proud of himself. It wouldn’t be long before-

“OH MY GOD BEETLEJUICE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!” Right on the nose. The demon man lifted himself off the couch and strolled up to your room with satisfaction in his step. When he reached the doorway he saw you standing on the middle of the floor completely baffled, dumbfounded, and everything in between.

To put it simply, your room was trashed. There was food and drink wasted everywhere. Your nearly organized bookshelf was emptied as each book was piled on the floor. Your bed was covered in shoe marks and crumbs from what looked like the last of the chips downstairs. Your comforter and sheets were all torn to shreds. Your closet door was open and most of your clothes were scattered everywhere. And just as you turned your head to the side, you immediately saw the sleeping baby sandworm in the corner. This was it. This was the day you were actually going to kill Beetlejuice, forget the fact that he was already dead.

While your head scrambled for something to say, you looked over the said man in the doorway. Leaning on it with the biggest shit-eating grin you’d ever seen. You felt your mind become clouded with anger. You were ready to snap completely but before you did, you had to leave the room. You walked towards Beej, putting your man on his chest and pushing him out of the way. As he stepped backwards, you closed the door behind you. The two of your stood there for a second. You were trying your best to stay calm so you wouldn’t say something you regret. But, God, the stupid grin on his face was making it extremely difficult.

“What…the fuck is your problem?” You gritted your teeth while saying. Beetlejuice cocked his head to the side.

“What do ya mean, babes?” He asked in fake innocence. And that was the last straw.

“I mean, why are you being such a dick?! For these last few weeks you’ve been doing nothing but irritate the hell out of me. First it was little petty stuff but now this?” You almost yelled gesturing towards your bedroom door. “Did I do something to you, Beej? Because this fucking ridiculous. AND THEN you have the nerve to say that I have to clean it up? Nope, fuck that. Get your ass downstairs, grab that cleaning stuff and fix my room!” You demanded with your usual dominant tone. You just expected Beetlejuice to follow suit like he always does.

“No.” You were shocked, to say the least. You stared up at the man, expecting some kind of explanation. But his expression stayed at the same mischievous grin from before. You were about to completely lose it.

“No? What the hell do you mean ‘no’?” You asked, frustration and anger leaking out more than ever.

“I mean, I’m not gonna clean your room. That’s what I said, right?” At this point you could’ve sworn this was all a fever dream, it had to be. Your dead boyfriend just destroyed your room to hell and back, and is now denying to clean it. What was even happening?

“A-are you insane? You’re gonna clean this room, Beetlejuice, or-“

“Or what? You gonna spank me?” He cut you off all too smoothly. You weren’t even sure where that just came from. The first thing you noticed, however, is the changed look in his eyes. He still had a taunting grin on his face, but his eyes shifted from mischievous to…lustful?

“I-I…no. But I’ll banish you for real. You know I will!” You spoke out, trying to stand your ground. Beetlejuice just chuckled and crossed his arm, almost with too much confidence for your liking.

“Oh, yeah? And for how long, babes? Y'know you couldn’t stand to be away from me too long, right?” The taller demon slowly walked towards you. Along with his own demeanor, something in you changed as well. You couldn’t put your finger on it at this very minute though. You took a few steps back as he approached.

“You-you’re talking a lot of shit but-“

“But what, dollface? Hmm?” He cut you off yet again. You felt yourself, quite literally, backed against a wall. Beetlejuice was now standing right in front of you. No, he stood towering over you. Something about his current mood change was making you feel small and timid. When you looked up to try and say something else, you noticed his hair had changed from it’s usual bright green to a dark magenta color. You were too busy staring to notice that Beej placed his hands on either side of your head on the door behind you.

“Well? I’m waiting~” He said in such a low sensual tone that made you feel weak all over. Your mind and body had just done a complete 180. From being ready to rip Beej’s face apart to being turned on by his own tone switch, it was all too unreal.

“I-you-“ You stuttered too openly. You were losing your dominant power right in front of him. And Beetlejuice. was loving every second of it.

“Aw, what’s the matter, Y/N? Cat got that pretty tongue of yours? Why don’t you stop fussing and put it to work for me instead.” His gritty voice and patronizing tone mixed together so well. He moved one of his hands down to graze his fingers against your cheek oh so gently. You tried your best to hide the shiver that made its way down your body.

“Beej, I-“ You timidly tried to speak up but it was still overshadowed by you looking down at the floor between you two. Along the way, you noticed the growing bulge in his pants in front of you.

“Shh,” He cooed at you with his chilly hand placed on your cheek. “On your knees, babes.”

Yet again, you were at a loss for words. On any other day, you would’ve told Beetlejuice exactly where to stick it. Not letting the petty demon even dream of pushing you into submission. But here you were, ready to drop to your knees and let him do whatever he wanted to you. You didn’t realize you stuck in your own thoughts until Beej moved his hand cup your jaw. He used a small amount of force to lift your head back up, forcing you to look into his golden eyes.

“I said, on your knees.” Beetlejuice looked straight into you as he spoke. As if your legs had a mind of their own, you followed suit. You slowly bent your knees and lowered yourself gently to the floor. With his hand still holding a firm grip on your cheek, your head was tilted upwards as Beetlejuice looked down at you. You two stayed like that for a moment. Waiting with so much anticipation, Beetlejuice released your chin and then moved to softly rub his thumb over your bottom lip. His entire expression is filled with lust and desire for you.

“Hot damn, babes. You always look so damn good on your knees for me.” He almost growled out and he looked at you. You’d never admit but hearing him say that made you feel so many emotions at once. The most lingering feeling was the wetness that was currently filling your panties. While it seemed like your head was about to be clouded by nothing but pleasure and hidden sexual fantasies you didn’t even know you had, you were able to catch yourself. You snapped out of your submissive daze for a moment and touched Beetlejuice’s hand on your mouth.

“Beej…you just trashed my room. And now you’re gonna turn it into a sex thing.” You asked. Even with your anger seemingly flushed away, you weren’t actually gonna forget the event that started this whole thing. Beetlejuice stopped running his finger over your lip for a moment before looking back towards your bedroom door.

You felt a small twinge of regret when he stopped his motions. You probably just ruined the moment that you so desperately wanted. And already knowing the high level of pettiness Beej had in him, you wouldn’t be surprised if he stopped everything right then and there. When Beetlejuice looked back down at you, he had such a serious expression on his face.

“Are you complaining, beautiful? You want me to stop?” He asked and you could hear the slight sense of concern in his voice. Beej was always sure to make certain that you wanted whatever he was giving you. He never pushed you to do something that made you uncomfortable or just did something for his benefit.

Before you even said anything, you took your hand off of his. Your other hand followed as they both gently touched the front of his thighs. You then glanced down and realized that you were face to face with his extremely achingly hard bulge. You weren’t sure 100% of what the demon had in mind, but you thought you had a clue. One of your hands moves to graze at the bulge, letting Beetlejuice know everything he needs to know. You wanted whatever he was about to do to you, and you wanted it now.

“…No. Don’t stop, Beej.” You once again, spoke timidly. Wanting to give him the sense that had full dominance over you, you palmed at the strain on his pants desperately. The demon man looked down at you with the most lewd filled smirk you had ever seen.

“Alright then, babes. Let’s put that pretty mouth to work.”

Okay, don’t panic. Because I most definitely have a part 2 in mind for this. But anyway, thanks for reading!

#beetlejuice #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice fanfiction #beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice requests #anon asks

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

Text

Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

#survey #surveys #questions #questionnaire #lyrics: ''crazy train'' by ozzy osbourne

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amidalis · 6 years ago

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“I love robbery AND fraud!”: A Star Wars Story

My expectations were so goddamn low going into this movie. The stories coming out of it’s production was a MESS, so I expected a mess. Like I really didn’t want to walk out of a Star Wars movie for the second time within months feeling let down and angry af. But I made peace with myself over the fact that that was what I would be getting, and that I’d see it anyway because I just can’t quit Star Wars. What I was not expecting was to actually have fun...

I admit it okay, I actually enjoyed myself. This movie was nowhere near perfect, or great. Trilogy worthy? Hell tf no!!!! I give it a 6.5/10. 6.5 because I was completely SNATCHED from people taking their damn hoods off and revealing their true selves so it gets an extra .5! I liked many things, other things I didn’t. Either way you’re going to hear my thoughts in a jumbled mess!

---------------------------

______HEAVY SPOILERS under the cut!____

---------------------------

Qi’ra and Han make out within the first two minutes of this movie which is just a taste of all the other times we’ll see them...I heard some spoilers about their hinted relationship but I REALLY WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THEM TO TONGUE LIKE 7 TIMES AT LEAST?! I REALLY DID NOT CARE ABOUT THEM LMFAO. But I already want to die because I know it’s going to spawn more Rey’s parentage debate and... I’m not strong enough for it anymore at this point. I’m done.

Han holding a rock...and making a click sound...pretending it was a fucking bomb. A procrastinator. Innovator.

Han reminded me of the lead character of a shonen anime!? “My dream? My dream is to be a pilot! The best pilot in the galaxy! I’m going to join the Imperial navy to be a pilot! And if I work hard enough, I will get enough money TO BUY A SHIP! AND WITH THAT SHIP?!?! I WILL FREE MY FRIEND! I WILL BE THE BEST PILOT! I--!”

Chewie’s introduction into Han’s life was Chewie whooping his ass in a pile of mud. Han suddenly knew how to speak Wookie, and then the rest is history.

That Aurra Sing name drop made me clutch my chest.

Enfys Nest is a pirate after the same shit Han and crew are after but honestly??? When she was whooping ass on that train I knew I would stan.

JESUS CHRIST THEY DID NOT DESERVE THANDIE NEWTON. I was so upset that Val did not have a big part in this movie, and was killed early on! She is such an amazing actress, and it was really sad to see her go after we just got her! And a self-sacrifice for her death was lazy as fuck!!! THERE WAS NO NEED. I’m actually thankful they never got their hands on Sana Starros at this point because that shit so disappointing for me.

Qi’ra being branded and owned by Dryden Vos??? I’m glad he got clapped in the end, and that she was the one that was able to do it!

LAAAAAAANNDDDDOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDD!

Best thing about this goddamn movie

HE WAS SMOOTH. SO FASHIONABLE. A SCAMMER. THAT’S MY MANS!

Not enough Lando. Not nearly enough.

The sabacc scene?!?! Han and Lando together was goddamn worth it! I really wish we saw MORE OF THEM.

BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WTF I THOUGHT THERE’D BE MORE TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP

Droid death match?

GONK DROID GONK DROID GONK DROID!!!!!!

L3 was literally the droid version of Korg from Ragnarok, but I loved her anyway.

Seeing the Falcon brand new and shiny was so cool!!!

I just want to state right here and now that I am so thankful that we got a look into Lando’s walk-in closet and 30 capes?!

A SCENE WHICH LEADS TO QI’RA AND HAN MAKING OUT INTO A CLOTHES RACK ASJKJADSKA?! OKAY???

Beckett’s “don’t trust her. don’t trust anyone. NOT EVEN YOURSELF!!!!!” OH DAMN THAT’S A PLOT POINT WE’LL USE FOR LATER!!!

L3 launching the rebellion on Kessel gave me life. Again, it felt very Thor: Ragnarok but I still enjoyed it.

MORE GONK DROIDS

CHEWIE HELPING THE WOOKIES ALMOST MADE ME CRY I LOVE HIM.

Lando got shot and I really screamed. It’s like I forgot about Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi existing entirely because I deadass worried about my boy. MY FEELINGS WERE HURT THAT HE WAS HURT.

Qi’ra battle cried and...BLEW EVERYTHING UP LOL. SHE REALLY SNAPPED. SHE CAME OUT THE FALCON WITH TWO BOMBS IN HER HANDS AND JUST! THREW THEM!

When it showed the giant ass star destroyer holding a blockade and sent out all those TIEs? NUT!!!!

The Kessel Run...I was expecting more I guess? I can’t put my finger on it but it wasn’t the great scene that it could have been?

WHEN THEY BARELY LANDED ON SAVAREEN AND THE FALCON LOOKED LIKE THE GIANT MESS WE ALL LOVE.

Lando: “I hate you.”

Han, with heart eyes and a giant smirk on his face: “I know”

Me: *passed out*

LANDO JUST. UP AND LEFT WITH THE FALCON. HE REALLY LEFT THEM STRANDED AKDHKADHKJDA! He got his shit and LEFT!!!

ENFYS NEST IS HERE AND SURPRISE IT IS REVEALED THAT SHE IS A BIRACIAL TEENAGED GIRL. I HAVE NEVER STANNED SO FUCKING FAST IN MY LIFEEEEEE!!

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO SEE MORE OF HER I WAS HOOKED THE MOMENT SHE SPOKE. IF I DON’T GET A FULL NOVEL AND COMIC WITH HER BACKSTORY I’M GOING TO SCREAM.

She actually ticked off all of my Mara Jade boxes like if they ever put Mara in something, I imaged her to look JUST LIKE THAT it was wild!

Han: “What’s on Tatooine?”

Me, and opportunistic Luke stan ignoring Han’s backstory with Jabba completely: YOUR FUCKING BOY THAT’S WHAT!

Beckett REALLY TURNED OUT TO BE A LIAR AND A SCAMMER BUT AS HE SAID HE WARNED HAN. BUT HAN KNOWS!BETTER!NOW!!!!!

Qi’ra STABBING HER CAPTOR IN THE HEART. I LOVE THIS SONG.

HAN I-WON’T-HESITATE-BITCH SOLO REALLY SHOT BECKETT IN THE CHEST. LIKE IT WAS REALLY NECESSARY TO ESTABLISH THAT HE SHOT FIRST. I CACKLED OUT LOUD.

QI’RA SKYPPEEDDDDD OH MY GOOOODDDDD

HIS ASS IS REALLY STILL ALIVE

MY GOD MAUL IS STILL.FUCKING.ALIVE.....

THE MOMENT I HEARD HIS VOICE AND ACCENT THOUGH I WAS SHOOK SO I AM A FAKE BITCH I KNOW DEEP DOWN I WAS THRILLED TO SEE HIM.

Maul: Come to Dathomir now, Qi’ra. You and I are going to be working very close together

Me, *looking into the camera like I’m in the office*: Tumblr is going to fucking ship this now, aren’t they?

I’m glad that I at least didn’t have to sit through a Star Wars film without hearing a lightsaber ignite I would have been distraught!

HAN WINNING THE FALCON. HE DIDN’T HAVE TO DO LANDO LIKE THAT!

All in all this movie was not great by far, but it did tick off all my Star Wars aesthetic needs boxes, and I had fun.

#solo spoilers #solo #star wars #this is a mess but i am a mess and here is what i can remember lol #all this to say... hey i had fun #han solo movie #kiki speaks

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tominicholland · 7 years ago

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Time of Your Life

Pairing: Harry Holland x Protagonist (brief, planned), Tom Holland x Protagonist (main, planned)

Synopsis: Jacob Batalon’s youngest cousin (Protagonist) is now – as of August – 18 years old. At the nearly-ripe age of 17, she accompanied her cousin to the Spider-Man: Homecoming premiere where she grows acquainted with the younger crowd of the star-studded cast and – most importantly – piques the interest of two Holland boys, Harry (who’s the same age) and Tom (who’s three years her senior).

Author’s Note: TOM HOLLAND AND HARRISON OSTERFIELD FINALLY MAKE THEIR WAY INTO THIS STORY WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO. In other news, this is kind of lengthy because it goes into a whole story about the protagonist’s school crush, Jake, and how much of an ass he is and how the Holy Trinity helps her forget the douche, and yeah. Such excitement!1!!!!! If you like stories about girls getting over fuckbois, read this!!!!!

Trigger Warnings: Protagonist has somewhat of a breakdown, there’s mentions of suicide but they’re brief (not even central to the plot)

Word Count: 2,992

Part I // Part II //Part III: The Holy Trinities In which the protagonist learns of the two holiest trinities out there: Intellectualism, False Hope, and Loneliness; Tom Holland, Jacob Batalon and Harrison Osterfield.

My role in student government (ASB) was plain and simple as the Attorney General. Like the Attorney General of the United States, I basically represent the ASB in conflicts and preside over the “legal” aspects of clubs, such as the drafting of their charters and other procedural duties. Each day I’d be allowed to leave Study Period fifteen minutes early to assume my position at the front desk of the Student Government office and consume my lunch before parents, staff and students came barging in with worthless questions and futile threats. Study Period was with Vicky, Sam, Imani and Carlos in Mr. Rosenblatt’s class that day, and we noticed that he was unusually irked with us. Normally, he’d pull up a sixth chair whenever First Period classes served as Study Period homeroom and openly prattle on with his favourite students, but that he didn’t seem quite in the mood. Neither did I, after Third Period, in between.

I’d already had a whole block period – two hours – of the four of my friends jabbering about how, technically, if the premiere was going to supplant my prom experience, Harry Holland could be my “date,” and I’d grown sick of it. On top of that, during Third Period AP Calculus, I’d dozed off after the sugar in the Slurpee wore on me. Jake was in the class with me and, just like in Mr. Rosenblatt’s class, he sat across the room from me. Instead of ignoring me, his chair was perfectly positioned to give him a spectacular view of my drool dripping onto my textbook and the scaly calculator imprint on my cheek when I finally woke up from that glorious slumber.

Jake had somewhat of a laugh and a smirk and a snigger, with dark coiffure of John F. Kennedy, Jr. volume. His lips were thin and his eyebrows the polar opposite, but somehow the lines of hair above his eyes remained symmetrical and tame. When he turned to the side, his profile was perfectly chiselled – his jaw and cheekbones formed a perfect triangle-like dip when he would suck his cheeks in, and his nose was big but not too big. And he had light brown skin, the perfect mixture of his father’s and mother’s. It was miraculous that this was what my mental capacities generated with a lack of sleep, and even more of a blessing that Jake was laughing more to himself that to his friends who were perplexed by rotations problems.

This reel of Jake’s amusement from my struggle to stay awake replayed and replayed in my head as I was fighting my anxiety to saunter towards Mr. Rosenblatt. Jake sat in the chair closest to his desk and the wall, so he had a perfect view of Mr. Rosenblatt on his desktop and anyone who came up to ask him questions.

As I approached Mr. Rosenblatt I saw Jake’s head perk up a little. His phony attentiveness became clear as his eyes skimmed lines of Shakespeare and averted to me. The brown circles rested on the left corners of his eyes as his smirk curled on the right side of his mouth. Indubitable eavesdropping done by the prettiest boy in school, and it was on my conversation.

I cleared my throat: “Mr. Rosenblatt?”

“Yes, Ms. Maja,” he scrunched up his nose like a little mole rat. Mr. Rosenblatt kind of looked like one but no one scrutinized his looks because we all knew he had breast cancer, and for our class, he’d missed the most days for chemotherapy. It fell under some cardinal sin to give him shit because he was dying.

“I just wanted to ask if I could go to the ASB right now instead of later,” I prefaced. “I finished part of the CRQ’s in class but I wasn’t feeling well in calculus –”

Jake deadass cackled.

“Uhm, Jake?” Mr. Rosenblatt inquired. “Do you have anything to contribute to this bilateral conversation?”

“I’ll make it trilateral by letting you know that Maja did indeed fall into a deep slumber in calculus and I watched it from an admirer’s distance,” Jake’s charmingly apprised our teacher and caused Mr. Rosenblatt to chuckle along with him.

“Well, if that’s the case Ms. Maja, I’ll let you go to the ASB. It must be quieter there,” Mr. Rosenblatt was right. Everyone was still in Study Period and no parents, staff nor students could pester those in the office until lunch.

I felt all heat escape from my face as I turned a pale colour and dragged myself back to my seat to get my things. I reached for my backpack as Vicky asked, “Hey, where are you going?”

“The ASB,” I said. I yanked my bag from the back of my chair and tossed it over my shoulder. My right hand shoved the door open when she exclaimed that all of them would join me; I used my foot as a door prop and said in a stern tone, “No. I’m gonna take a nap in the beanbag in the back office. I can’t talk.” I didn’t even have to fake being tired. A yawn escaped me at the perfect time.

“Oh… ok,” she said, taken aback. Somehow she and the others couldn’t put two and two together, that I was stressed above all things about this even though it was a month away, and if I really thought about it, it a few weeks away, and if I really, really, really wanted to torture myself, I’d realize that it was three school weeks away, right after exams.

Study Period was only about thirty-five minutes, so I had twenty minutes of napping time in total. Ideally I’d use the fifteen minutes to gather lunch, but seeing as I’d stopped by 7-11 earlier I bought myself some Hot Cheetos and a Caesar Salad to serve for my afternoon meal. I did, however, trot to the vending machine outside the office to get a blue Gatorade.

When I came back I popped my salad open and ripped the chip bag and dug in. The bell rang and I heard all the eager underclassmen literally racing each other to the lunch lines. I rolled my eyes and disturbed the desktop in front of me, launched Google Chrome and opened Twitter, hoping to find some interesting articles.

The door swung open after a good ten minutes, while I was enjoying a New Yorker article by Jia Tolentino, who disparaged some book by Ivanka Trump. Lo and behold, it was Jake; lo and behold, I was stupid and almost choked on my salad.

“Oooh,” he teased. “Just the Attorney General I wanted to see.”

“I’m the only Attorney General,” I sassed.

“I know, I know,” he knew then that he’d be more circumspect in his statements. “I’m in the same AP Government class with you in Preston’s room. I gotta know how this shit works, right?”

He slammed his hands on the counter in front of me, stood on the tips of his toes and peered down at my screen. “God, you’re such a nerd,” he poked. “Always reading some dumb shit that’s not so dumb.”

He let the balls of feet drop back to the ground, placed his elbows on the counter, crossed them, and then let his chin rest on the formative lump of his hands. Jake was a south paw and his left hand overlapped his right. Always.

“Is there anything you’d like me to help you with?” I questioned.

“Yeah,” he had that smirk again, which oozed of a sort of brazenness and insolence that made me cower behind my laptop. “I want to take Sami to Prom.”

Everything by my eyes were completely frozen, and they gave him an icy glare.

“Not your Sam,” this was a gratuitous reply. “Sami the soccer player.” I

knew her – she was just as tall as I was (5’8), a bit more fit than I was (she was a tri-sport athlete, I merely did swim), was blonde (I could never compete there), and popular.

“And?” I’d no idea why he needed to tell me this.

“I just felt like I needed to tell you,” he teased.

Contrary to the strong woman I believed to myself to be in that moment, I was on the verge of tears. This was kind of brutal.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he went back on the tip of his toes again and looked at me over the screen. This time he was sterner and his rosy cheeks of douchebaggery faded into the pallor of a self-aware asshole. “I was just shitting around. Don’t cry. This is like sophomore year all over again when I sat next to you. I don’t want to get in trouble with the ASB Dean for making the Attorney General cry so just.. j-just..” he started laughing to himself again, as one would laugh in a surreal situation.

I swiveled farther away from him. Thank god for swivel chairs.

“Look, I’m trying not to be an asshole here, okay? I’ve been meaning to tell you this since last week. I figured Sam’d already told you because she was right behind me when I said it –”

My nostrils flared and my pupils shrank.

“Yeah, I know she knew and I know you know. I was only entertaining the thought of asking you, even went so far and thinking what it’d be like to have you as a date. You can fill in the rest. But I didn’t not ask you because I was judging your friends. I didn’t ask you because I don’t want to be the asshole who leads you on.”

As intense and painful as this moment was for me, I did my best to relive it just to clarify to myself that there was no yelling, no melodrama. Jake said this to me in hushed tones in a span of ten minutes and left.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Fifth period AP Chem was just god-awful. Carlos was there with me and I didn’t feel like filling him in on Jake or letting him copy my quiz on poly-atomic ions, so I walked up to the front of the class while our teacher, Ms. Romualdez, was lecturing and moaned to her about how I had to go to the nurse. I was a depressed, sobbing mess and needed to go home no matter what. She understood, and all twelve other kids in the class understood in respectful silence. And even though I was annoyed with him, Carlos was gracious enough to walk me to the front office, where Nurse Kelly was.

Nurse Kelly was the most neglectful nurse to ever make a cameo in my life. She dutifully attended to students who had more tangible sicknesses, but when a mentally distraught child came in, she was notorious for simply calling their parents and asking if they were stable enough to walk home. Granted, though she wasn’t a therapist or psychologist, she could have at least done more to help people who were sick of high school, as most people should for the sake of the youth. However, on this specific day, I wasn’t having it. I needed her sloppy caretaking to get me a pass off the premises of Hell and back into my bed. And she happily obliged.

When I got home, my mom was so concerned about me. She cupped my face in her hands and screamed at me, “Don’t tell me you tried to kill yourself, please, not like that one girl we read about when you were in middle school!” “Phoebe King? What? Mom, mom no!” I ripped myself from her grip and started marching up the stairs. “Mom, just leave me alone, I started crying because I didn’t get any sleep last night and I don’t understand Chemistry and equivocation in Macbeth!” I was already in my room when I screamed this last part: “I’M SO STUPID I HAVE TO USE NO FEAR SHAKESPEARE ON SPARKNOTES BECAUSE I HATE THE FOOTNOTES!”

My face sank into my pillow and my body relaxed as I fell into an effortless nap – a nap where you can’t forge an entire plotline in your dreams and can only remember the climax of whatever your soul told you mind to project. I felt like I was enjoying it until my phone rang. It was a Facetime video call from Jacob.

“Hey, Cuz, he greeted me. His face was at the center of the screen and I could tell he was looking down at his phone. I didn’t think he was at his house because I didn’t recognize the color and texture of the ceiling. “How ya doing? Tita (Aunt) told me that you had a shitty day.”

“Oh yeah,” I rolled my eyes and sniffled a little. I saw my face in the little screen thing and saw that my eyes were ridiculously puffy and red. “I just told her I had a shit time at school.”

“Hey, man you know me, I dropped out of college and now you’re our only hope. Ya gotta become a doctor or something,” he joked, “because if anyone had a brain like yours and didn’t do anything with it, that’d be a waste.”

I smiled. Jacob always lifted me up when I felt like I wasn’t enough for the world academically, so he had a bunch of canned pep talks that would get me to cheer up no matter how incompatible they were with the situation I was in. My self-deprecation was, to Jacob, the root of all evil, so everything could be cured if he tried to talk that down. I had to stop him here, though, because this wasn’t an academic struggle or an inadequacy. I felt heartbroken because of a boy.

“It’s not because of school being hard or anything, it’s just that Jake pulled an asshole move on me today,” and so I went through the motions of everything, with Jacob barely making any interjections like “daaaaaammmmnnn” like he does in interviews. He’s an all-around attentive person.

“So it’s because you’re too smart for him,” this wasn’t a question he was asking, it was a fact.

“I guess. If you want to put it that way. He made fun of me from the get-go about me being bookish. Always thought I was an undercover college student,” I chuckled and sniffled at the same time. “But like, I feel like I’m experiencing the Holy Trinity that all the nerd girls go through in high school: intellectualism, false hope and loneliness.”

“Aw,” I heard a voice say from the background.

“Wait – am I on speaker?” I asked.

“Uhhhhh….” Jacob was collecting details to build a story as to why we weren’t talking in confidence.

“Kuya (brother, older male cousin)!” I screamed. “Who is that?”

“Listen, Maja, I’m so sorry but my Beats ran out of battery and your mom really pressed me to call you, and you know you’re like a sister to me and I thought you tried pulling some weird shit in school so I called you and –” Jacob’s phone was snatched from his hand. It flipped onto the faces of two white guys – one shirtless with a killer jaw and brown eyes and the other in a black v-neck shirt, blond hair and powdery blue eyes.

“Hey, Maja,” the one on the right with the blond hair greeted me with an awkward wave. He had a deep voice that rung out in an English accent, and he pronounced my name with the stress in the first syllable: “Maaw-huh.”

“Hey,” the other one waved shyly.

“This is Harrison, but you can call me Haz,” the blond one smiled.

“And I’m Tom, and you can call me Tom,” he laughed lightly at his joke before he realized the gravity of the situation as Jacob walked into the shot from behind them.

Jacob placed his arms around Tom and Haz and sighed. “You said you experienced the ‘Holy Trinity’ of high school, but we’re the Holy Trinity from Spider-Man and we’re here for you.”

“Yeah,” Harrison – I mean Haz – added. “We hope you don’t mind that Jacob’s been talking to us about you, and all that’s been happening regarding your attendance at the premiere.”

“But – but we didn’t know about all this stuff about this other Jake until now, darling” Tom interrupted. “That wasn’t at all expected and we’re sorry. Jake’s Beats did die and we were in the hotel room with him and we can’t go out because there’s a mob of fans trying to take a peek at the Spider-Man suit –”

“Shut up, Tom, she doesn’t want to hear this!” Haz exclaimed.

Tom. As in Tom Holland.

Harrison. As in Harrison Osterfield.

Spider-Man and his lovely assistant were joining forces with my cousin to cheer me up.

“Well, the point is, darling, is that we’re excited to finally meet you at the premiere and we’re going to do our best to make sure you have a damn good time that you can rub in that arsehole Jake’s face.”

“Yeah,” Jacob nodded along. “And Tom, you can cuss, you know.” Tom looked quizzically at Jacob.

“It’s just weird hearing you say ‘arse.’ You’re not a euphemistic kind of guy in hotel rooms, usually,” Jacob giggled.

“Jacob, I’m talking to a lady. More importantly, your little cousin,” Tom explained.

After a few awkward exchanges of excitement and anticipation, we ended the video chat (well, I did, because Tom had the phone in his hands and didn’t know how to end the call).

“Dammit, how do I turn it off?” he yelled as Jacob, Haz and I laughed.

“Bye!” I waved at the camera and hit the red button. Back to my home screen. All I could think about was how stupid I was for not screenshotting the video call for proof that I’d spoken with Tom and Haz.

#jacob batalon #tom holland #harrison osterfield #harry holland #spiderman: homecoming #p: mine #p: fic

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