#I deadass cackled when I saw and HEARD them for the first time like- OF COURSE THEYRE FRENCH THEY LOOK FRENCH

[pinkyjulien]

We were randomly talking about the twins with friendos and I pointed out that they deadass Look French, like???

The white face, the upper lip mole/patch (aka une Mouche), the pink cheeks... it gives French Revolution look

They FRENCH french

[realcube]

Haikyuu Boys when you stand up for them

Tsukishima x Reader

Yamaguchi x Reader 

Nishinoya x Reader

tw// bullying/teasing, a bit of violence, angst (?), cussing 

Kei Tsukishima

the ladies love this man so it definitely wasn’t them that were picking on him 

rather, it was the group of jealous boys that sit next to you in class that were whispering mean things about him, thinking that Tsukki couldn’t hear them 

and this man may have extremely poor vision but he has superior hearing tbh

so obviously he heard what they were saying about him

and while Tsukishima played it off well with his tough exterior, you could tell the comments were getting to him 

because rather than turning around and roasting the hell out of each boy individually, he just tried to tune it out by putting his headphones over his ears 

at first, you didn’t really care to do anything because you just thought this would be an awkward one-time thing that Tsuki would forget about within a few days 

however, the boys kept persistently acting like fools for days

although it annoyed you that Tsukishima was taking his insecurities out on you - the things that the boys would whisper to each other were even more enraging 

one day, during lunch, one of the boys made a comment about Tsuki’s weight that just provoked you to the point that you just let your body’s natural impulses take over 

so now you were in the ER with a broken knuckle and a broken nose since the boy decided to let his natural impulses take over too so he punched you square in the face

Once the nurse finished wrapping your knuckles in a bandage, she rushed out of the room - leaving you alone with none other than Kei Tsukishima.

He just sat there looking at you with a freakishly large grin on his face as he desperately tried to hold back his cackles of laughter.

“You are so stupid.” he chuckled.

“THEY WERE BEING SO MEAN TO YOU!”

“I literally didn’t care.” Lies. 

“Really? Then why were you being such a big baby about it? You wouldn’t even talk to your own girlfriend.” You stuck out your bottom lip, fully aware that perhaps you may have overreacted slightly but still..it made complete sense in the moment, y’know? 

“So I ignored you a bit and you deadass went, ‘lemme assault someone then’.” he rolled his eyes, getting up from the uncomfortable hospital chair that he’s been sitting in for the last hour or so.

“Eh, I did the whole school a favour! We all hated him anyway.” You tutted, pulling you knees up to your chest before sighing, “I’m sorry.” You mumbled, biting your bottom lip. “I mean it, I fe-”

Tsukishima scoffed, taking a seat down beside you and pulling you into his chest by your shoulder, “Oh, stop, you’re making me cringe.” he rolled his eyes, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Thanks’ I guess.”

Tadashi Yamaguchi

you, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were having lunch together when the subject of how Tsukishima and Yamaguchi became friends came into the conversation

that was when Yamaguchi was kinda forced into telling you about how he was bullied in school 

after that, if anyone (including Tsukishima) tried to tease Yamaguchi you would be 👏on 👏their 👏 ass

Flashback to that time the girl that sat behind you called Yamaguchi’s cut lil antenna ‘weird’

and you almost had a cardiac arrest 

“TAKE THAT BACK!”

Also flashback to that time Tsukishima jokingly called Yamaguchi ‘stupid’ because he forgot what 6*7 was 

and you delivered that dinosaur lookin ass man a hand sandwich to the arm

(tsukki said he didn’t even feel it though smh)

anyway, Yamaguchi thinks you are so damn adorable when you do that because you deadass think you are intimidating but you are really not so..no harm done lol 

Yu Nishinoya

noya is cool so the boys don’t make fun of him for being small because they are above that 

(literally)

but the girls are not quite over the ‘smol boi’ jokes just yet

however, you didn’t learn that until recently while your friend group of all girls are talking about boys 

obviously they didn’t know that you and Noya were dating because after the topic swerved off of Terushima 

(eventually) 

one of your girl friends mentioned Noya, saying the following;

“He is such a hottie, I’d definitely be all over him if he wasn’t so..y’know..short.” 

When I tell you your blood was BOILING

not so much about this girl calling your boyfrind a ‘hottie’ 

i mean, you understand that part but she had the audacity to call him small as a INSULT

HE IS TRAVEL SIZED AND THAT IS PART OF HIS CHARM 

if she would’ve worded it like “yeah, Noya is really cute and such a cutie pie and DEFENITELY NOT A MIDGET.”

but no..she just had to be a bitch about it 

anyway, THE RAGE IT BROUGHT YOU 

HER HEAD WAS THE BALL AND YOU WERE USHIWAKA THUWAK

you could’ve sworn that you saw a few of her brain cells few out in the process

“And she was all like ‘smack my head like a drum’ so I did.” You recalled the story, retelling from your POV to Nishinoya 

“Did she actually say that?” Noya cocked his head to the side.

“No..but she did- in my mind.” 

Noya nodded, furrowing his eyebrows. “I can’t believe she said that.” he pouted, “What a bitch.”

“I know.”

[highly-flammable]

Reacting to Legacies 3x03 (SPOILERS):

1. So ARE we FINALLY getting to some proper firstborn Mikaelson witch breakdowns?

2. Oh well, apparently no. They'll just try to wave it off as some one time thing probably.

3. So Hope and Landon are on a break. Okay. TBH watching them sass each other is interesting.

4. The guidance counselor is pretty much a compulsion monster, is that it? Well, I do like his wardrobe.

5. Alyssa's concern for MG is so fake I can't.

6. Nobody other than Jed read for Stefan? THE DISRESPECT.

7. Lizzie playing Caroline makes total sense but them asking Josie to play the lead without even an audition looks a bit bad TBH. Like, give the other interested people a chance, at least.

8. I find it a bit repetitive how there are mind-controlling monsters popping out again and again.

9. So MG is basically going through a phase similar to what Cami was going through when Klaus used to compel her at the beginning of TO. Considering Quincy's fondness for Cami, he must have liked playing that.

10. I understand that Landon is supposed to be a capable songwriter in-universe but it takes more than that to write and direct a musical and it's very weird that they didn't even find a guest star to pose as a Drama or English teacher who is guiding him or something. WHERE ARE ALL THE TEACHERS?

11. I kinda feel like some of the lead characters in this show are colour-coded. I see Hope and Landon in red and blue a lot (the two gowns we have seen Hope wearing also fall into this pattern) and Josie wears yellow in like, every other episode. If I recall correctly, Lizzie wears a lot of white, too. I wonder what the reasoning behind these choices are.

12. Well, I liked Hope and Landon's relationship in S1, I have no idea what was going on with it in S2, and I still don't know what to think about it.

13. Lizzie casts herself in Caroline's role and then chokes at rehearsal. Not totally unrealistic but still feels a bit forced to me. Would have been better if Landon cast her because she's Caroline's daughter and Lizzie was a bit apprehensive in the first place because she didn't want to mess up the role.

14. I appreciate the show taking a moment to talk about Lizzie's bipolar disorder though. It's been a while.

15. "Bonnie just disappears for long periods of time"? Dude, she's still super important and you're putting her in the play. Right? RIGHT?!

16. Landon, THANK YOU for pointing out how weird Caroline and Alaric's relationship was. The guy deadass got engaged to her and had a pissing contest over her with Stefan, that will never not gross me out.

17. So the monster is mind controlling Landon to put Klaus into the play. Saw this coming IG.

18. Hope is painting again, like her dad used to do when he felt things were going out of control. I've been rewatching TO and this is making me so emotional. I MISS KLAUS AND HIS SHENANIGANS. And not a single character on Legacies comes close to Klaus, Elijah and Hayley for me. (Sorry if this hurts anyone's feelings but Legacies really is a downgrade from TVD and TO)

19. Ugh, why would he use the contents of the letter as lyrics? Dude, is it because you're mind-controlled? No, I don't like this. Klaus loved Hope to the ends of the earth and wanted everyone to know but Hope wants to keep things private, and her wishes should have been respected.

20. So apparently Landon tries not to put Klaus' villainous antics into the show. Well, okay, it's definitely a copout but since he is Hope's boyfriend, makes sense. But I don't understand why the musical HAS TO BE about the Salvatore school. The accreditation excuse is lazy, writers! Also, Landon, my dude, Klaus was a major donor of the school. Put that in instead of the other things, stop pissing off your girlfriend FFS. Even if you're mind-controlled 🤦🏻‍♀️

21. I do find it funny how Landon is all gaga over Klaus' use of language though. The guy really did have the best lines, didn't he? (Tied with Elijah, I suppose, for me)

22. The other singers of the first song are really good so Kaylee sounds a bit rusty in comparison. Also, she reminds me too much of Dark!Josie with the hair and makeup. From a distance, she can be mistaken for Nina though.

23. I love that the backstage activities are being shown.

24. I'm digging Jed as Stefan and I really like his singing voice. And the Hero Hair wig cracked me up. Kaleb is obviously good at singing at it's nice to hear more from him. I also like how Chris Lee didn't try to exactly emulate Ian and played Damon how someone who has only heard about him might play him.

25. Is Hope painting herself before the pit or something? Or is this supposed to symbolize her despair at her parents' loss? ALSO, I WANT SOMEONE TO MENTION HAYLEY :( Why is Hayley so ignored?!

26. The same person probably wrote MG's notes and Caroline's letter IRL and therefore, in-universe, MG has Caroline's handwriting and it's funny to me.

27. Jenny sings well, I like it. I don't understand the song though, was Caroline actually ever feeling this insecure? I feel like the song became a lot more about Lizzie than her mother. (It's been forever since I watched TVD, if anyone has yet to guess, I prefer watching TO)

28. The doppelganger thing cracked me up.

29. Wait why did the monster attack Josie?! Ohhhh he's forcing Landon to improvise and put Klaus' song at the end. Well, I guess it makes it seem a bit less like Landon's fault. But would Hope know that?

30. It's hilarious how they lowkey make a call back to Nina leaving TVD and them having to put Elena in a sleep spell though.

31. Landon having a hissy fit is funny to me. Aria needs more comedic scenes.

32. Wait, where did Jade come from? Has she been in the school all these weeks?

33. While the scene seems a bit shabby to me, Klaus talking to Hope reminds me of their scene from TO 4X03. I needed more of Summer Fontana and Joseph Morgan together. Also, the donation did get mentioned, YASSSS. Man did some horrific things but he did fund the school so maybe a little less badmouthing in the presence of his daughter now that you know the story, eh, students?

34. The fact that the guidance counselor actually wore a leather jacket and a henley is cracking me up. It's really bizarre.

35. "Terrible painter" XD Klaus would have eaten you for saying that if he were alive.

36. Um, Hope, wouldn't you ask your family if you are doing enough to make your father proud, instead of this random bloke who supposedly met him once?! Maybe call Freya or Rebekah.

37. Why is this monster being nice to Hope? Doesn't it try to break people up or something? You'd think he'd try to piss her off even more and ruin her relationship with Landon.

38. Stefan was trying to be more like Damon by sacrificing himself? Um, what?

39. Well, this musical at least gave Stefan and Caroline a goodbye scene. I wonder how much the twins remember Stefan, must have been a bit emotional for Lizzie to play that. Jenny's singing was gooood, really liked it.

40. JED WAS GONNA KISS LIZZIE AND I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN. But a forehead kiss does work.

41. Hope's playing Elena now? What?

42. Ngl I want Hope and Jed to be friends. She needs more of a connection to her wolf side. Both of her parents wanted her to be surrounded by wolves and she's barely interacting with the wolves in this show, which always makes me sad.

43. So this monster can also do little spells and move physical objects eh? Whatever, this is random.

44. And this monster brings people back together? Why?

45. So when Hope is singing, is she doing it as Elena or Hope? She came on stage as Elena, but I thought the song is about Hope. So WHAT IS IT?

46. Oh Damon's on stage, so Hope is singing as Elena and it's a call back to the graveyard scene from the TVD finale.

47. Danielle sings pretty well. It's good she decided to perform this time.

48. Okay, that lifting up scene was adorable. I feel like Hope and Landon are at their cutest when they're a bit spontaneous. But she's Elena on stage and it lowkey looks like Landon crashed her romantic scene with Damon to kiss her so I'm cackling.

49. How much older is Jade supposed to be than Josie?

50. So is Josie going to leave the school for a while and that's why Ethan will be back in the picture?

51. Jade used to babysit Josie? Okay, it is hella awkward.

52. Josie why, don't do this, yikes. Kissing her once doesn't make it non-creepy.

53. The Sheriff feels kinda shoehorned to me. Also, I don't care for Matt Davis or his character.

54. So Candice did the voiceover for Caroline's letter. That's nice for the show. I still don't understand why the letter showed up in Hope's fireplace though LOL.

55. This episode should have spent more time exploring the aftermath of the loss of Rafael. The abrupt shift from the last episode wasn't nice.

56. Yeah, kids, talk out your problems, thanks.

57. I feel like Klaus is too much of a controversial figure that Hope's conflict about her father's reputation would be resolved in one day. This is feeling undercooked. Speaking of, when is one of Klaus' or Hayley's enemies coming after Hope, because she did inherit all of them. Would make for better storytelling than this monster of the week nonsense. And yeah, still no mention of Hayley, I hate this.

58. The monster's characterization was really odd to me and I am so tired of this format SMH.

59. So they toyed with MG for weeks to get a vampire for the spell? That sounds like too much effort. There are tons of vampires from Klaus and Rebekah's bloodline, they couldn't find another? Also, I wonder who is the wolf that they will use.

Well, I felt like this episode was mostly okay, but not that well-cooked or epic or whatever. What is horrific is that they didn't show Bonnie, though. They could have at least gotten a female black guest character who is one of the witch students or something. This is very offensive.

Also, I don't think it makes sense for the show to do any more musicals in the future. This ain't Riverdale.

[calypsoff]

Fifty Seven. Part 2

Looking over at Chris, he keeps falling asleep in the SUV. Meanwhile I slept and he didn’t, I wonder if he got any type of sleep actually come to think of it but him sleeping in the SUV he must be exhausted. Opening my bag and grabbing my phone, I’m sorry but he looks too cute asleep with his phone in hand, he is hanging bad. Aiming my phone camera and taking a picture, he is going to have one nasty neck pain when he wakes up. Tapping on IG and tapping on IG story, adding the picture and captioning ‘He still makes every appointment for me and FYI! He calls me a mouth breather lol. Love you @fuckyopictures’ pressing send on the post, I want to wake him and tell him about his neck, but I will leave it, let me call Jay Brown while I’m here and tell him I will do the Grammys, I don’t feel like shit anymore and I am ready to do that. I am ready to perform before I give birth, placing my phone against my ear as it rang out. Watch his ass not pick up, he always busy doing something “Rihanna” he answered “oh, very formal. In a meeting I am guessing?” He must be, I know that voice “you know me, but I had to answer. Everything ok? You’re important to me” he is so caring “I accept, me and Chris discussed, and he says make the Grammys about you, keep this a secret and then walk the carpet” I want him to know that Chris was involved “I like your husband, he is a clever man. I will tell them; this is going to be great. I will contact you soon I have to go. Bye” he disconnected the call, well he’s happy anyways. But I am excited about this, I think Chris is right. But I hope my face doesn’t look fat, oh my god I hope my face doesn’t come out because I will cancel that shit with quickness. I need to tell Tina actually, get the team together for the performance.

My driver opened my car door for me “thank you, I am going around to wake him” I added before he rushes over and opens the door for Chris, he is still asleep and I had to sit in silence because of him. Dragging open the car door “Chris, hey” tilting my head to see his face, god he is knocked out asleep “Christopher” patting his thigh, his head shot up and eyes wide open “hey” I laughed “we’re home, come out” walking off, he will eventually come out of the car. Making my way to the house, I am generally getting used to living here. At first I was a little not really liking it but I am getting there, it’s nice and smaller then what I would have gotten but I do like the stairs going up. I will need to childproof the whole house soon though, unlocking the door and pushing it open. Looking behind me and Chris hasn’t made his way out so I will leave it open for him, looking behind me once again “is he coming?” It’s making me doubt myself, the driver was going to go back around but I heard the door shut. Let me wait for my sleepy head to come, my smile grew seeing him dragging his feet. I am very much in love with him, the same way I saw him the first time, I do think to myself did I like him first day and if I am being honest with myself I was more scared he would be mean to me but I did fall for him “I love you Chris, I really do” Chris lazily put his arm around me “I know you do” he said huskily “you have really opened my heart in ways that I didn’t think could happen, I just want to thank you for loving me in every way” Chris chuckled “you’re being very loving now huh, what you want?” He questioned “dick” and I’m being deadass “that can be arranged, what you doing now” I’m sure Barry is here somewhere “office” nodding my head “can I come? I just want to be there for you, I want to know your business, if you don’t mind?” I want to be involved “but what if I’m not doing it right, you’re going to judge me” he is right “but then you learn, it’s ok” he needs to learn.

Chris keeps on looking over at me and then laughing, not sure why but he’s feeling like I am judging him but I’m not at all “how do you like, let me ask this. How do you take care of your family without giving them a job to help you? Like you and your family are good, no jealousy or upset but they live good, if you understand what I mean” why is Chris looking at me like he shy “what is it?” He’s stupid “no just looking but tell me” I chuckled “I don’t hire family, I treat them. When I go to Barbados I buy them gifts, I never have my family struggle at all. If they were I would want to know how to help, I learned giving money is a no. It doesn’t help, they do live good, and I do bring them on holiday and things but hiring family gets messy, even friends. I rather hire a person I don’t know then family. Worst mistake same goes for friends. I do spoil them, if they have a venture then I will help them with it and they know it. This is why I asked and said if they have a venture help them but hand on heart, after I heard they fucked your supplier up I wouldn’t give them shit, so why did you leave them in Vegas? For what? To have fun” Chris’ eyes widened “erm no” the erm speaks volumes “erm yes, don’t stick up for people like that Chris; they are playing with your money, so when something fucked up happens it will be Chris Brown’ friends messed up, never them. Your name and then mine, you need to be lethal, they will learn. The hardest part for you is maybe letting go and it is for me with my dad so I understand but now I am a wife and mother to be, I know where my loyalty lies and if my child or husband comes in harm’s way by my dad then I will cut him off, he can hurt me but not my family and trust me Chris I am waiting for that moment, I had to become this way or I would be taken advantage of and broke I guess” I didn’t want Chris to think I’m a hypocrite by saying that “I understand, so how would I do it. Telling them?” Good question “take them out for a meal, but Chris I have a feeling in my heart you’re covering up for them. They were in Vegas for nothing, and you left them there. I saw their posts, if I know they are using us as a pass into things, I won’t be happy. Nobody does that” Chris’ face went so small like I struck a nerve and I just know this game; I have lived through it and I don’t play at all.

Chris has been quiet ever since “so who is Deja?” I asked, he is answering her emails “she is working with my social media, since she started the page it has been super lit, there is three of them and they are answering service stuff, Neima and Cena are making a website which will be live soon” nodding my head “ok, that is fine. What to do with that, do a good launch. Freebies and stuff, entice people. I will promote it too; it’s your big day Chris so tell me when. I can you know be at your event, I mean not really but if you do a little IG live I can be on it, Chris it’s a big step. Be excited for it, so erm” I paused thinking “have you announced that website coming soon?” He nodded his head “ok, now post it on your personal page how excited you are. Just announce there is a surprise to come, I will figure something out for you. Let me just help you ok?” He was about to speak “but I am not with you to use your name” putting my hand up “stop, just let me help you and say there is a surprise, but I will think about what to do ok? Now discuss this with your team, your new team. I am going to find Mel, show her our baby, show her how active it is” getting up from the chair “you’re going to do good Chris; I just know it. I will help you” touching the top of his head before I walked off, he worries too much what people will thing when he shouldn’t “actually Chris, I have one. I will design a piece of clothing, limited edition” I winked at him, that just came to mind so quick there. That will help him a lot, they will eat that up, well my fans will anyways but then people will start buying and like his stuff because I do, he makes good stuff.

In no way shape or form am I being selfish with Robyn or declining what she wants to do for me but I wanted to kind of do it in my own but the more I realise, the more things are explained to me, the more hard this is to do on your own without the right backing which I have, with Robyn. I have Drake to fall on too also, I will contact him actually to help but I just need to get over this Barry and TJ shit “you’re here” Barry made his way into my office, looking up from my lap “you seem really down for a nigga that just saw his baby throwing up gang signs” I snorted laughing “gang signs, nigga” dapping him “I just saw the scan photos, cute bro. Baby is really claiming westside already” watching him sit down “thank you, I am excited for when the baby is here, just tired. If I am a little quiet” Barry looked around the office “you spending time with Mel then?” I mean what else if he here for “yeah, lay the pipe and leave” he laughed “that was your saying, don’t give me that look. She likes a chunky nigga with a big dick, what can I say” shaking my head “if you’re speaking like that then close the office door, what did you do in Vegas when I went?” I asked but I know what happened of course, I am not stupid “we were at your plot and we just were vibing, girls were just passing their numbers. We just living, you know what happened” Barry pointed at me “how many?” Barry cackled “yo, the girls were good” I sighed out “bro, leave Mel alone please. Just leave her, I don’t think you should be doing this to her. She is a good woman” Barry pulled a face at me “right I see you have your life in order, you’re married and everything. Just stay out of single folk business bro, come on” kissing my teeth “it is my business Barry, Mel is practically a sister to Robyn and if she finds out Robyn will know that I know! She fucking will, I am asking you as my friend to leave her alone” Barry knows I mean it now “just like that huh? We had sex and she’s a bad bitch you know these caribbean women love sex, you don’t know her sexually Chris, she sucked me off on the first time you know chicks like that stick, she is ok with it” he is a liar “bro I am telling you now, it ends here. You nicely say to her that I am not ready to settle, that is Robyn’ sister and I know this will upset her, and I thought you wouldn’t just be a dickhead about it, you got to stop and stop talking like that you dickhead! You know my wife’ background so shut the fuck up” Barry looks annoyed with me.

I need to speak up about it, I won’t say it to them, but he needs to stop this thing “right, so you’re upset about something that has nothing to do with you, why can’t you just keep your nose out of it right. I am having fun, she is too” he is funny “so she knows you’re having sex with other women? So I can just go up to her and tell and she will know?” he knows damn well that Mel doesn’t know shit “Chris, look. You are my brother, just let me have fun” punching the desk “Barry! You fucking listen to me, you drop it. She is a decent girl and doesn’t deserve this ego you have got right now; in her delusional mind she thinks you’re a good man! Not knowing you’re telling me she is a easy fuck! Fucking leave her or we going to have problems!” I shouted at him because I lost my temper, is he being fucking real right now with everything he is saying, playing girls like that “is everything ok here?” Mel and Robyn walked in “yeah, just having boys talk, right Barry?” he is angry, I know my friend “yes” sitting back in my seat “what are you both doing here?” I questioned “just Mel is going out with Barry now and I just come here to see your face” rolling my eyes playfully “miss me that much, my mom loved the photos. She is emotional about it, good looking out telling me to send them” my mother is so overjoyed, thanks to Robyn telling me to send them to her.

I was going to go for a nap, but Robyn sent me a text message saying come upstairs, that her back hurting so I guess I better make my way upstairs and help my baby to sleep. Walking up the steps while looking out of the window, my back yard is so damn beautiful. I really love it here, it’s so peaceful. Clearing my throat as I made my way to the bedroom, I think we need to start fixing the bedroom next door to ours for our baby. A smile grew on my face, just pure excitement hit me because I am about to be a whole daddy, I already love the baby “I am here” opening the bedroom door “you good?” closing the door behind me “oh you stood up now? You just text me that your back hurt and here I am, we can nap together” squinting my eyes “wait, you didn’t have makeup on before?” I pointed “I like how you notice poppa, I got dressed up for you. But” she dragged out undoing her robe, raising an eyebrow as Robyn took off her robe exposing her naked bottom, my breathing hitched “damn” I breathed out, she looks so beautiful naked “you look so good Robyn” it went straight to my dick, I felt it flinch already. Walking over to Robyn “your body is amazing Robyn, every part of it. You are really carrying our child, which makes you amazing” rubbing her bump with the back of my hand staring into her eyes, leaning down to Robyn and pressing a kiss to her lips and then moved away from her lips to cheek and down to her neck.

Our eyes met and held when I stepped forward and grabbed Robyn, pulling her body back to the edge of the bed. Licking my lips, I can’t help but touch her bump “you good with me touching your bump?” lightly touching “yes” Robyn placed her hand over mine “just makes me so happy to know how much you care” biting my bottom lip, moving my hand back and leaning down. The head of my erection pressed against the entrance of her sex and I am ready to be buried deep inside of her, it has been so long. I plan on slowly pushing myself all the way to the hilt and fill her completely. Spreading her legs wide and pushing them back into the air “you good?” I asked, I have too “yes, it’s ok Chris” I held on to her ankles and slid inside of her “damn!” Robyn spat, my groan was deep and long when she gripped my member and tighten around me. My hips barely moved forward; my rhythm is so slow. My eyes are locked on my dick sliding in and out of her. I enjoy watching myself disappear deep inside of her, it amazes me how stimulating such a thing as watching yourself stroke in and out of my wife could be. My eyes gazed up when I heard Robyn moan, her voice was caught in her throat, and all she could do was look up at me with begging eyes “faster” she wants me to go faster, to stroke a little deeper, to push a little harder. This agonizingly slow speed I was serving her was beginning to drive her mad clearly “I have to be nice” is Robyn crazy, we have to be good and not crazy about this.

I stared down at her face, loving each priceless expression she made. The ruffle between her eyebrows, the wrinkle of her nose, how tight her eyes were clenched shut, and what really turned me on, the way her tongue brushed across her bottom lip before pulling it back inside her mouth and biting down. It drove me wild, awaking the beast inside of me, but I had to contain myself. I fought the urge to flip her over and drive into her, something I really wanted to do, but I couldn't. I have my baby to think of now, I have to be good. Pulling out of her and thrust back inside of her and picked up my speed. Finding a natural rhythm, each stroke was filled with passion. Letting go of her ankles, I gripped her hips and piston into her. The bed rocked back and forth as Robyn gripped me and released, gripped me and release. My speed picked up more and my head fell back in ecstasy. It has been so long since sex “oh fuck!” I shouted; I know I will come early because it’s been too damn long since.

She came, I came. We both came hard. With a raspy grunt, we remained connected, our climax still slowly riding through us. I fell forward and placed my hands on either side of her, sucking down on her neck. My open mouth kisses moved across her ear "I love you" I started moving my hips again “my man always hard huh” I grinned “for you” nuzzling her nose, I am hard as hell for Robyn and always will, look how beautiful she looks under me “if I wasn’t already pregnant I would be” I didn’t even leave Robyn, I just can’t believe how hard I am still “you feel weird?” Robyn asked, placing her hand on my chest “a little, I would have flipped you over and fucked you so bad” kissing Robyn’ lips as I thrusted into her.

[demonwifey]

hey, welcome to the fam!! was wondering if you could do a strong-willed, hot headed fem reader who doesn’t put up w/beej’s shit but as soon as he starts to really get hot and steamy with the flirting she goes completely weak and sub? (bonus of beej knows this and takes advantage of it during petty arguments)

Ayyy, I definitely appreciate the welcome! 💚💜🖤 This is my first ask so I hope you guys enjoy!

Warnings: Cursing and sexual themes

Word count: 3,920 

Beetlejuice was a lot to handle. Everyone knows this. He was all too needy, flirty, and way too devious for his own good. It took a special kind of person to deal with the demon. While Beej’s favorite victims to terrorize were the Maitland/Deetz household, his attention shifted drastically when Y/N came into the picture.

Beej loved it when he could tease and pick on a person enough to put them in a flustered spur. The sound of someone being frazzled by his over the top flirting was his second favorite sound next to screaming in fear. Whether it was nose-poking, butt-grabbing, or his famous animated-ish grab and dip kisses, the demon would never hold back. 

   But see, you weren’t exactly an easy cookie to crumble. Although there were times that Beej’s shenanigans would get to you, you weren’t timid or shy. You actually stood up to Beetlejuice. Which ten times out of ten would completely shock him to the point of being surprisingly speechless. He was so used to getting his way and having everyone around him being apprehensive about his antics. But you were having none of it.

***

Beej knew you were a force to be reckoned with when he basically destroyed your bathroom. Since Beetlejuice was already dead he was always into the thrill of experiencing death multiple different ways (thinking about that part in the bootleg when Adam and Barbara said they wanted to cut off his head and Lydia deadass was like “You should…he’d love that”). You were sitting on the couch with your laptop looking up some new hair products your friends had mentioned to you. Having been focused on your screen you didn’t even realize your boyfriend was in the kitchen up to no good. Beej yanked the toaster’s cord out of the outlet and floated his way to your upstairs bathroom.

Not even 10 minutes later, the lights all around your apartment started to flicker and you heard a loud crackling sound coming from upstairs. Panic started to cloud up your head when you heard Beetlejuice yell in what sounded like pain and you immediately dashed up the stairs as quickly as you could. When you got to the bathroom, you were faced with the ultimate mess. 

Beetlejuice was sitting in the tub holding your, now smoking, toaster. His daily striped suit set was scattered on the bathroom floor. His entire body was black due to the burns and ash from the toasters burst while his already messy hair was scattered in different directions on his head. And to top it off your bathtub, which was originally white, was covered in nothing but black ash. You stood there in disbelief for a moment before running up to Beej who sat extremely still in the ruined tub. You crouched down next to the tub and gripped his shoulders. 

“Beej? Beej, look at me. Are you okay? Talk to me. Are you hurt?” You asked with clear worry in your voice. The demon man slowly turned his head towards you. Before you could register the fact that you asked these questions to a dead man, Beetlejuice let out a loud cackle while throwing his head back. 

“Hell yeah I’m okay, babes. That. Was. AWESOME. You’ve got to try it with me next time…well maybe not. You might actually die.” Beetlejuice went on his mixed tangent about not wanting you to die but also how much fun he just had being electrocuted because he was bored. You stared at the demon with your eyes slightly squinted before it all hit you at once and you went off. You stood up immediately with complete anger in your eyes and heat flowing through your body. 

“Beetlejuice. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?” You screamed at the man in the tub. He looked up at you with his head cocked to the side. Before he could say anything, you spoke again. “YOU REALLY JUST…SAT HERE IN MY BATH TUB AND ELECTROCUTED YOURSELF FOR THE FUCK OF IT? BECAUSE YOUR WERE BORED? DO YOU NOT REALIZE HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS? OR HOW DANGEROUS IT COULD’VE BEEN?”

Complete and utter outrage filled your body as you hovered over Beetlejuice. He stood up from the tub and the water splashed around him and some onto you. He actually wasn’t completely naked as his lower half was covered by a pair of black and white boxers. He dropped the toaster back into the tub and held his hands up to his chest. 

“What? Babes, it’s fine. In case you couldn’t tell, I’m already dead. No harm, now foul.” He said smirking at you as if that was to make everything better. The young woman stared at him for a little longer, completely dumbfounded. She placed her hands to the sides of her face, trying to get her thoughts together. 

“Beej…I-. No harm? How the hell am I supposed to explain this to my landlord? Look at all of this! The tub is completely black and burned! And that was the new toaster my mom bought me a week ago!” You said gesturing to the disaster around him. He just looked around like a confused child, still not really grasping the reality of the situation. All you could do was let out a deep breath and run your hands over your face. Your mind scrambled with a million other things to say but you realized there was no point in wasting your breath.  

“Okay, you know that. Just get out of the tub.” You said as you moved to grab the toaster’s cord out of the outlet. After, you reached down to pick up his clothes and walked out of the bathroom. You heard the water splash as he got out and walked behind you. After you both were standing in your bedroom, you threw his clothes on your bed and turned towards him. You were already annoyed but the stupid smirk on his face made you even more agitated. 

“Well, babes. Had I known ruining your bathroom would’ve gotten me back into your bedroom, I would’ve done it a lot sooner.” He sauntered towards you with his hands upwards, as if getting ready to grab your breasts. Before he could get any further, you grabbed the towel off of your chair and threw it straight in his face. 

“Make jokes while you can, Beetlejuice.” You said with a heavy tone of exasperation in your voice. As he scrambled to remove the towel from his face, you moved past him to go back downstairs. He stared at the door as you exited, unsure of what was about to happen next. 

He dried himself off for a few minutes before putting his suit back on. Just as he finished tying his tie, you reappeared in the doorway holding a bucket full of what looked like cleaning supplies. Beej was confused before you lifted your hand and motioned him to follow you again. He did as told and you both were back in the messy room. You dropped the bucket on the floor with a loud thump and turned towards the demon. 

“Now, here’s what’s gonna happen. You and I are going to clean this bathroom and it is going to be spotless. Like nothing ever happened. Because if my landlord saw this, not only would she charge me a stupid expensive repair fee, I might actually get kicked out. So, you are gonna get on your knees,” You bent down to grab a large sponge and a bottle of tub cleaner before slamming it on his chest “And scrub the hell out of this tub like you’ve never scrubbed before. And if you so much as try to poof yourself away without helping, I will banish your ass in a heartbeat and you won’t see me for a good 3 weeks. Got it?” You commanded with utter authority and sternness in your voice. 

Without even needing to say it, Beej knew he couldn’t stand to not be around your for 3 minutes, let alone 3 weeks. And by the seriousness on your face, he knew you meant it. Nonetheless, Beetlejuice was shocked. No one had ever actually made him take responsibility for his actions, let alone LITERALLY make him clean up his own mess. To say the least the man was baffled, but intrigued. Beetlejuice just nodded his head quickly. You moved your hands away from him and bent down to grab your own materials. 

“Alright, bugboy. Let’s get to work.”

***

It had been weeks since that incident and you and Beetlejuice were back on good terms. The dead man actually ended up apologizing, which shocked you nonetheless. Of course he brought you a bouquet of dead roses, but that’s besides the point. It was still a sweet gesture that made you forgive him.

What he didn’t tell you is that he was completely turned on from the situation. You had put Beetlejuice in his place, and that wasn’t something he was used to. Ever since he met you you were headstrong and willing to take control. Most importantly, you weren’t willing to take his shit. And he loved that. 

Ever since that day, he did anything he could to get under your skin. Beetlejuice would burn your dinner multiple times a week, make too much noise while you were trying to sleep, or pick and poke at you while you were trying to get work done. Just anything and everything to make you snap and yell at him. Completely putting your dominant personality on display. Not to mention the way you took control with anger during sex drove him utterly wild. It was like finally seeing heaven for him. But after riling you up for weeks, he decided it was time for a change. 

While he absolutely adored your more assertive personality, he wanted to see it all come crashing down. He wanted to see that rage filled face to turn into a flustered one. He finally wanted to be the one in control. And he knew exactly what to do. 

One day Y/N came home from work completely spent. Tired, aggravated, and just plain annoyed. It was a complete case of the domino effect. The corporate bosses were frustrated about yet another thing and yelled at your supervisors. With that, your supervisors came back to yell at you and your coworkers about it. Everyone attempted to shift blame on one another, which led everyone in the office to be irritated with each other. It was a day from hell. 

Once you walked through the door, you kicked your heels off and threw your bag to the side. After hanging your jacket in the closet, you flopped yourself face down on the couch. You lay there for a good minute just needing some peace and quiet. Before you could even enjoy the moment, you felt a dip in the couch behind you. 

“Well hello to my favorite pair of sexy black lace panties.” You groaned quietly as you felt your demon boyfriend lift up your skirt and peak at your ass underneath. You reached behind and swatted his hand away. 

“God, Beej, not now. I just had the worst day at work.” You sighed out as you turned your body around to lay on your back and looked up to see his smiling face. Although Beej had been on your nerves for the past few weeks, the only thing that got you through the day was coming home to see his pale, goofy, smiling face. He reached down to grab your legs and placed them on his lap. Beej rubbed your thighs gently with his cold hand. 

“Finally ready to commit a work related homicide, dollface?” He asked, making his gritty voice quieter than usual. You let out another sigh. 

“Ugh, I’m seriously like an inch away from considering it. It’s like my bosses get their asses handed to them and then they come back to blow steam on us. It’s so stupid and frustrating.” You moved to sit up. “All I wanna do for the rest of the day is eat dinner and go the fuck to sleep.” 

“Yeah, no can do on that, babes.” Beetlejuice said with a smirk on his face as he continued to move his hands higher and higher on your lap. You narrowed your eyes at him, not really in the mood for any of his shenanigans at the moment. 

“And why is that?” You asked, already feeling your blood start to boil inside of you. Beetlejuice just continued to smirk without actually looking at you. 

“Because I~” His voice was starting to become more high pitched and you felt one of his hands already reach the top of your thigh under your skirt. “Mayormaynothavemadeahugemessinyourroomandyou’regonnahavetocleanitup.”

He spoke so quickly that you almost couldn’t understand what the hell he just said. Almost. You moved your legs off of his lap and looked directly in his eyes. 

“What kind of a mess?” You asked in the serious tone he was all too excited to hear. The demon shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. 

“Nothing too bad. Just me and the clones hung out. We watched some TV, played some board games, had some wrestling matches, had a big lunch date in your room. Oh! Can you believe we actually found a baby sandworm and watched it crawl up the walls?” By the time Beej had finished his sentence your eyes almost popped out of your head. You didn’t waste anymore time listening to him rant as you paced up the stairs to your room. You were met with a closed door and the fear of what was waiting behind it was all too real. You slowly put your hand on the door handle and twisted it slowly. 

Beej was still sitting on the couch feeling extremely proud of himself. It wouldn’t be long before-

3

2

1

“OH MY GOD BEETLEJUICE! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!” Right on the nose. The demon man lifted himself off the couch and strolled up to your room with satisfaction in his step. When he reached the doorway he saw you standing on the middle of the floor completely baffled, dumbfounded, and everything in between. 

To put it simply, your room was trashed. There was food and drink wasted everywhere. Your nearly organized bookshelf was emptied as each book was piled on the floor. Your bed was covered in shoe marks and crumbs from what looked like the last of the chips downstairs. Your comforter and sheets were all torn to shreds. Your closet door was open and most of your clothes were scattered everywhere. And just as you turned your head to the side, you immediately saw the sleeping baby sandworm in the corner. This was it. This was the day you were actually going to kill Beetlejuice, forget the fact that he was already dead. 

While your head scrambled for something to say, you looked over the said man in the doorway. Leaning on it with the biggest shit-eating grin you’d ever seen. You felt your mind become clouded with anger. You were ready to snap completely but before you did, you had to leave the room. You walked towards Beej, putting your man on his chest and pushing him out of the way. As he stepped backwards, you closed the door behind you. The two of your stood there for a second. You were trying your best to stay calm so you wouldn’t say something you regret. But, God, the stupid grin on his face was making it extremely difficult. 

“What…the fuck is your problem?” You gritted your teeth while saying. Beetlejuice cocked his head to the side. 

“What do ya mean, babes?” He asked in fake innocence. And that was the last straw. 

“I mean, why are you being such a dick?! For these last few weeks you’ve been doing nothing but irritate the hell out of me. First it was little petty stuff but now this?” You almost yelled gesturing towards your bedroom door. “Did I do something to you, Beej? Because this fucking ridiculous. AND THEN you have the nerve to say that I have to clean it up? Nope, fuck that. Get your ass downstairs, grab that cleaning stuff and fix my room!” You demanded with your usual dominant tone. You just expected Beetlejuice to follow suit like he always does. 

“No.” You were shocked, to say the least. You stared up at the man, expecting some kind of explanation. But his expression stayed at the same mischievous grin from before. You were about to completely lose it. 

“No? What the hell do you mean ‘no’?” You asked, frustration and anger leaking out more than ever.  

“I mean, I’m not gonna clean your room. That’s what I said, right?” At this point you could’ve sworn this was all a fever dream, it had to be. Your dead boyfriend just destroyed your room to hell and back, and is now denying to clean it. What was even happening?

“A-are you insane? You’re gonna clean this room, Beetlejuice, or-“

“Or what? You gonna spank me?” He cut you off all too smoothly. You weren’t even sure where that just came from. The first thing you noticed, however, is the changed look in his eyes. He still had a taunting grin on his face, but his eyes shifted from mischievous to…lustful? 

“I-I…no. But I’ll banish you for real. You know I will!” You spoke out, trying to stand your ground. Beetlejuice just chuckled and crossed his arm, almost with too much confidence for your liking.

“Oh, yeah? And for how long, babes? Y'know you couldn’t stand to be away from me too long, right?” The taller demon slowly walked towards you. Along with his own demeanor, something in you changed as well. You couldn’t put your finger on it at this very minute though. You took a few steps back as he approached.

“You-you’re talking a lot of shit but-“

“But what, dollface? Hmm?” He cut you off yet again. You felt yourself, quite literally, backed against a wall. Beetlejuice was now standing right in front of you. No, he stood towering over you. Something about his current mood change was making you feel small and timid. When you looked up to try and say something else, you noticed his hair had changed from it’s usual bright green to a dark magenta color. You were too busy staring to notice that Beej placed his hands on either side of your head on the door behind you.  

“Well? I’m waiting~” He said in such a low sensual tone that made you feel weak all over. Your mind and body had just done a complete 180. From being ready to rip Beej’s face apart to being turned on by his own tone switch, it was all too unreal.   

“I-you-“ You stuttered too openly. You were losing your dominant power right in front of him. And Beetlejuice. was loving every second of it.  

“Aw, what’s the matter, Y/N? Cat got that pretty tongue of yours? Why don’t you stop fussing and put it to work for me instead.” His gritty voice and patronizing tone mixed together so well. He moved one of his hands down to graze his fingers against your cheek oh so gently. You tried your best to hide the shiver that made its way down your body.  

“Beej, I-“ You timidly tried to speak up but it was still overshadowed by you looking down at the floor between you two. Along the way, you noticed the growing bulge in his pants in front of you.  

“Shh,” He cooed at you with his chilly hand placed on your cheek. “On your knees, babes.” 

Yet again, you were at a loss for words. On any other day, you would’ve told Beetlejuice exactly where to stick it. Not letting the petty demon even dream of pushing you into submission. But here you were, ready to drop to your knees and let him do whatever he wanted to you. You didn’t realize you stuck in your own thoughts until Beej moved his hand cup your jaw. He used a small amount of force to lift your head back up, forcing you to look into his golden eyes.

“I said, on your knees.” Beetlejuice looked straight into you as he spoke. As if your legs had a mind of their own, you followed suit. You slowly bent your knees and lowered yourself gently to the floor. With his hand still holding a firm grip on your cheek, your head was tilted upwards as Beetlejuice looked down at you. You two stayed like that for a moment. Waiting with so much anticipation, Beetlejuice released your chin and then moved to softly rub his thumb over your bottom lip. His entire expression is filled with lust and desire for you.  

“Hot damn, babes. You always look so damn good on your knees for me.” He almost growled out and he looked at you. You’d never admit but hearing him say that made you feel so many emotions at once. The most lingering feeling was the wetness that was currently filling your panties. While it seemed like your head was about to be clouded by nothing but pleasure and hidden sexual fantasies you didn’t even know you had, you were able to catch yourself. You snapped out of your submissive daze for a moment and touched Beetlejuice’s hand on your mouth. 

“Beej…you just trashed my room. And now you’re gonna turn it into a sex thing.” You asked. Even with your anger seemingly flushed away, you weren’t actually gonna forget the event that started this whole thing. Beetlejuice stopped running his finger over your lip for a moment before looking back towards your bedroom door. 

You felt a small twinge of regret when he stopped his motions. You probably just ruined the moment that you so desperately wanted. And already knowing the high level of pettiness Beej had in him, you wouldn’t be surprised if he stopped everything right then and there. When Beetlejuice looked back down at you, he had such a serious expression on his face. 

“Are you complaining, beautiful? You want me to stop?” He asked and you could hear the slight sense of concern in his voice. Beej was always sure to make certain that you wanted whatever he was giving you. He never pushed you to do something that made you uncomfortable or just did something for his benefit. 

Before you even said anything, you took your hand off of his. Your other hand followed as they both gently touched the front of his thighs. You then glanced down and realized that you were face to face with his extremely achingly hard bulge. You weren’t sure 100% of what the demon had in mind, but you thought you had a clue. One of your hands moves to graze at the bulge, letting Beetlejuice know everything he needs to know. You wanted whatever he was about to do to you, and you wanted it now.

“…No. Don’t stop, Beej.” You once again, spoke timidly. Wanting to give him the sense that had full dominance over you, you palmed at the strain on his pants desperately. The demon man looked down at you with the most lewd filled smirk you had ever seen. 

“Alright then, babes. Let’s put that pretty mouth to work.”

Okay, don’t panic. Because I most definitely have a part 2 in mind for this. But anyway, thanks for reading!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #294

“maybe it’s not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate”

Is your bed big enough for two people? Yes. What is your favorite board game? I like Battleship. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think one stay at the psych hospital stretched over two weeks, maybe three. I don't remember. When was the last time you heard someone scream? Irl, probably at some point visiting my sister's family and my baby niece was upset. If you include via audio, a couple days ago when watching Egoraptor's Kingdom Hearts 2 stream. He's a Loud Boy. Who was the last person to call you baby? I have no clue. Why did you last go to the airport? I was going home from Sara's. Have you ever showered with another person? Not since I was a little kid with my sister. Is there something you are keeping a secret from your parents? I mean, nothing major. There are small things I don't tell them, though. Are you able to forget people easily? FUCK to the NO. What disgusts you about bathrooms? Sharing a toilet with literally anybody. Have you ever had gum stuck in your hair? I mean maybe at some point, but I don't think so. What was the shortest amount of time you’ve known someone before you’ve dated them? If you’ve never been in a relationship before, do you watch Scrubs? I knew Jason maybe two/three weeks before he asked me out. We clicked so damn fast. Don’t you hate it when people talk about their relationships constantly? It can become a bit much. I have (had?) a friend who did this profusely to the point it was pretty impossible to have an actual conversation, and then she fell off the face of the planet. Being in love is an absolutely amazing thing, but like... that's not all you can talk about. Do you enjoy old movies? Yeah, there are some great ones. Do your neighbors annoy you in any way? Someone a few houses down has a dog that NEVER shuts the fuck up. I don't know how it doesn't lose its voice. What was the last party you were invited to? A Halloween party hosted by my friend Summer a few years ago. It was a good time. Are you honestly happy with your life right now? N O P E Do you find it fun to pray for people? I don't pray, but even if I did, "fun" seems like the wrong word. Generally when you pray for someone, there's something negative going on in their life, so like... I think "fulfilling" is maybe a better word? Has your mom ever crocheted you a blanket? My mom has deadass been working on a massive blanket since she was in her 20s (maybe even a tad younger), and she's at the tail end of her 50s. She works on it less than once in a blue moon. She started with the intention of passing it onto her kids. Do you regret letting a certain guy slip away? Debatable. It's questionable if I ever would have gotten competent help without Jason leaving, and if I didn't, what if he finally had enough when we were already married with kids (that's what I wanted at the time, anyway)? That would have broken me even worse. What show did you want to be on as a kid? Whatever the Nickelodeon one was where you got slimed lol. Do you have regrets? Of course I do. Does anyone really know you? My mom and Sara, at least. What song do you want played at your wedding? It depends on my partner and songs we consider special. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? No. I do, however, love me some "Love Story." And you are LYYYYYYINNNNNGGGG if "Picture To Burn" doesn't make you feel like a Bad Bitch. Would you ever dye your hair unicorn colors? I would DIIIIIEEEEE to do that in pastel tints. I wish my damn hair took color well... I have literally only had ONE very effective hair dyeing experience, when my friend spent hours turning it red. It stuck for MONTHS. List 3 of your pet peeves. 1.) Turning tragedy into a competition; 2.) making mental illnesses "trendy;" and 3.) elitists of pretty much anything. Do you type fast? Very. What do you like to put on your pancakes? Typically just maple syrup, but I'll put butter on them if given it at a restaurant. Have you ever accidentally drank spoiled milk? I've taken a sip and immediately realized and spat it out. Have you ever had your heart broken? More like shattered into incalcuable pieces. When you were 3, was your natural hair color the same as it is now? No, I was dirty blonde. Have you ever received a scary message from someone online? Yes, I'm pretty sure. What does your first name rhyme with? "Infamy" is close enough, ig, if we're excluding other names. Do you have freckles on your face? No. I did as a kid, though. Who is your favorite Lisa Frank character? Probably the angel kitty (I had a coloring book, even), but they're all SO pretty. I love Lisa Frank stuff. Does your family always have your back? My mom and dad do, at least. My older sister does, meanwhile it's hard to tell with my little sister. She's not very affectionate and expressive of love to the point I question a lot if she even likes me. What type of wedding do you want to have? Gothic! Are you more of a leader or a follower? A follower, within reason. I'm definitely not a blind one. Do you know anyone with a profession in law? Quite a few, actually. Have you ever Googled yourself? Yeah, at some point. Do you have a regular vacation spot, or do you always go somewhere new? We don't really go on vacations. It's not an expense Mom can really afford. Where were you working 10 years ago? Nowhere. ... 5 years ago? Still nowhere. ... 1 year ago? Nowhere. What's the shortest amount of time you've had between relationships? Like a day. I know it sounds bad, but I left Girt already knowing I loved Sara, and I didn't really have anything to heal from. As a child, what comfort foods did your parents make for you when you were sick with a cold or flu? We'd have Saltines, chicken noodle soup (which I never really liked), and ginger ale. What's your favorite art style? Probably hyperrealistic fantasy stuff. What time period is considered to be your country's 'golden age?' I don't know, I'm not a history buff. Have you ever done LSD? I've never done any drugs. Are any of your coworkers currently out on maternity/paternity leave? N/A What is your favorite parody movie? Maybe the Paranormal Activity one. I barely remember it, though. What kind of first impression do you hope others have of you? That I'm kind and friendly and really care about their feelings. Do you have a good sense of balance? NOOOOOOOOOO. I stray like a motherfucker when I walk. Have for many years. It's weird. What is your least favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry, ugh. Does your car have heated seats? No. What's something that has been in your local news lately? I don't watch it. What's your favorite internet meme? Oh, I have no clue, I love memes lmao. What is the strangest pizza topping you've ever eaten? Nothing, really. I'm not very adventurous with pizza. Can you name any books or movies where all the main characters die? Not off the top of my head. Do you live alone? No, I live with my mother. What’s the grossest thing you’ve encountered in/at a fast food joint? *shrug* Do you swallow chewing gum? No. Do you ever get goosebumps while listening to songs? EXTREMELY easily. Like that is so, so regular, be it from the lyrics, the singer's voice, or just the music. Are there any amusement park rides you refuse to go on? Why? Most, really. I get dizzy way, way too easily and don't want to faint. What is the best roller coaster you’ve ever been on? I'm afraid of roller coasters, so I can't answer this. Never touched one. Don’t you think black jellybeans are icky? Ugh, YES. What was the last thing you measured with a ruler? I helped Mom use the long, flexible kind to measure the couch because she was gonna move some furniture around. What’s the most beautiful place you’ve ever seen? Oh, I'm sure the mountains when driving to Tennessee. I was too young to remember it well, but I can never forget that I marveled over them. Would you rather have a Playstation or Xbox made console? I'm a Playstation gal. What if you were watching COPS and saw your significant other on there? I'm... not gonna lie, if it was Jason for doing something stupid and not, like, murderous, I'd probably cackle. Have you ever tried to write to any celebrities? No. When was the last time you blew bubbles? I ain't got a clue. Have you ever stumbled across a beehive? More like wasp nests. What food(s) make you cringe? Quite a lot, given my extreme selectiveness with textures. More than anything, probably egg yolk. Have you ever played an automated 20 Questions game and beat it? Ha, I actually had one of those! I have, but damn was that hard. Have you been to a restaurant where they cook the food in front of you? Yup, Ichiban. Pretty cool. Do you feel that presidential campaigns make people too competitive? I mean, no. People care about who is going to be the head of their country. Do you find Family Guy hilarious or offensive? Neither. Do you still write letters to people, even though there’s e-mail now? No. Have you ever had an accident involving a microwave? Ha, I'm a travesty of a cook, so yeah. I remember on one occasion I accidentally dialed in many minutes for popcorn and entirely forgot about it. Safe to say I didn't eat it. I've split hot dogs in there, and I'm certain there's more. Do you like the movie Forrest Gump? I adore that movie. One of the best films ever imo. Can you handle heat well? I honestly doubt you'll meet someone who handles it worse than me, especially physically. I have severe hyperhidrosis, so I will literally sweat like a pig in 70* weather. I absolutely cannot handle it. Do you smoke weed? What are your opinions on its legalization? No. Legalize it for at least medicinal purposes. Have you ever had a school shooting at your school? HA, I can promise you my high school must have at some point. Are you usually the first to do something, or are you more of a follower? I don't pay attention to this. What is your favorite way to eat a potato? Fries, yum. Are roses your favorite flower? No, but they're high on the list. Have you ever been to a horse race? No. I think they're abusive anyway. Do you like lobster? No. Have you ever swam in a lake? Yeah. There's one lake I swam in that was so clear you could see pretty far and just watch the fish and turtles. Have you ever convinced someone to show you their private parts? "Convinced"????? That's fucking coercion. I've seen people naked, but not by fucking pressure. What is the greatest treasure you have ever found? My older sister found a cracked amethyst geode once. Idk where it's at now, but I hope she (or we at the house, depending on where it is) finds it at some point, though. My niece has come to love smooth rocks and pebbles, and I think crystals would blow her away, never mind one that size. Do you eat beef? Regrettably. Are you good at card games? I mean, what's the game? I'm not exceptional at any I can think of. What is your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. Did you ever play the Oregon Trail game? Omg yes!!! I LOVED playing it as a kid, especially the 3rd one, I think? Do you watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia? No. Who is your favorite country singer? I actually do enjoy Tim McGraw pretty consistently, but I don't actually seek out his music. Do you know anyone who is Mormon? An old best friend was. Do you like grunge? Yeah. What’s your favorite kind of cheese? American. What’s the most historic thing that has happened in your lifetime? Most likely Covid. What’s your funniest story involving a car? It's not hilarious, but once we were behind someone whose license plate said "omw" lmao. What scientific discovery would change the course of humanity overnight if it was discovered? Well, a proven Covid vaccine. Do you think that humans will ever be able to live together in harmony? Nope. What’s the scariest non-horror movie? Idk. What’s the most amazing true story you’ve heard? I'm not sure. What’s the most awkward thing that happens to you on a regular basis? Having to explain my Mark tribute tattoo lmao. What was one of the most interesting concerts you’ve been to? I've only ever seen Alice Cooper, and while it was great, "interesting" seems like the wrong word. Where are you not welcome anymore? Probably Jason's house, at least not by him. Or Colleen's, probably. Idk how she feels about me by now. What’s the most recent show you’ve binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender w/ Sara. What’s a common experience for many people that you’ve never experienced? Paying bills. What’s the smartest thing you’ve seen an animal do? I kid you not, our first cat would look both ways twice before crossing the street across our house. (Please do not allow your cats outside.) She'd do it even more when bringing her kittens there too to hunt. Chance was truly incredible. I could really give a lot of examples of her intelligence. I also had another childhood cat (my favorite before Roman) who would respond to a certain clap pattern I'd do if Mom let me bring him inside. Wherever Charcoal was wandering, he'd come running. What’s the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? Oh, I'm sure it was RP-related stuff as a kid. What’s the longest rabbit hole you’ve been down? I'unno. What’s the saddest scene in a movie or TV series? Possible spoiler warning for a super old movie??? Probably when the main character of Old Yeller had to put the dog down because of rabies. But I cry like a bitch easily, so maybe there's something that tears me up even more or just as badly. What odd smell do you really enjoy? None that are "odd," really. What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? I've seen a mink once when fishing with Dad deep in the woods. What’s the best lesson you’ve learned from a work of fiction? Oh, I don't know. I'd have to think for a while & I don't feel like it. What food do you crave most often? Probably ice cream. Who in your life has the best/worst luck? I don't know about best, but my mom absolutely has the worst luck. Which apocalyptic dystopia do you think is most likely? A meteor, maybe? If you had a HUD that showed three stats about any person you looked at, what three stats would you want it to show? I'd want to know if they were criminals or just dangerous. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen a kid do? Oh, my niece is so funny. One of the things that gave me the biggest laugh (and was most adorable) was this time I was taking family pictures for Ash at a local lake, and Aubree went running into the gazebo, span around totally like in a princess movie, and exclaimed, "It's enormous!" She is such a darling. If people could read your mind, what would they usually find? Just how bored I am, memories of Jason bc trauma, lamenting my disappointment in myself, "why is Mark so perfect," worrying about Sara, thinking of RP character developments... What celebrity would you like to meet? Mark. 100%. I would die to just thank him (if I could get words out, oof) and hug him and try not to soak his shirt in tears lmao. Do you need money to be happy? Don't bullshit me, you wouldn't be happy homeless because you can't afford a home. So to a degree, yes. What's a good idea you've had recently? Hm. What gift would you like to receive? At this current moment, Cloak's (Mark and Jacksepticeye's clothing brand) limited edition "life after death" design for a shirt. It is so fucking pretty, and I love the nature focus. What are you most excited about right now? Honestly? Getting my laptop back. I wanna play WoW lmao. What's your favorite song from a movie? Maybe uhhhhhh was "Supermassive Black Hole" actually written for Twilight? Where would you like to volunteer? I very, very badly want to volunteer to take pictures of animals up for adoption in shelters for like their social medias and stuff. I've asked like the two local places, but no bites yet. What's the last song you listened to? Metallica's cover of "Turn The Page." What's the last YouTube video you watched? I'm watching Gab Smolders play SOMA. Fantastic game.

[amidalis]

“I love robbery AND fraud!”: A Star Wars Story

My expectations were so goddamn low going into this movie. The stories coming out of it’s production was a MESS, so I expected a mess. Like I really didn’t want to walk out of a Star Wars movie for the second time within months feeling let down and angry af. But I made peace with myself over the fact that that was what I would be getting, and that I’d see it anyway because I just can’t quit Star Wars. What I was not expecting was to actually have fun...

I admit it okay, I actually enjoyed myself. This movie was nowhere near perfect, or great. Trilogy worthy? Hell tf no!!!! I give it a 6.5/10. 6.5 because I was completely SNATCHED from people taking their damn hoods off and revealing their true selves so it gets an extra .5! I liked many things, other things I didn’t. Either way you’re going to hear my thoughts in a jumbled mess!

---------------------------

______HEAVY SPOILERS under the cut!____

---------------------------

Qi’ra and Han make out within the first two minutes of this movie which is just a taste of all the other times we’ll see them...I heard some spoilers about their hinted relationship but I REALLY WAS NOT PREPARED FOR THEM TO TONGUE LIKE 7 TIMES AT LEAST?! I REALLY DID NOT CARE ABOUT THEM LMFAO. But I already want to die because I know it’s going to spawn more Rey’s parentage debate and... I’m not strong enough for it anymore at this point. I’m done. 

Han holding a rock...and making a click sound...pretending it was a fucking bomb. A procrastinator. Innovator. 

Han reminded me of the lead character of a shonen anime!? “My dream? My dream is to be a pilot! The best pilot in the galaxy! I’m going to join the Imperial navy to be a pilot! And if I work hard enough, I will get enough money TO BUY A SHIP! AND WITH THAT SHIP?!?! I WILL FREE MY FRIEND! I WILL BE THE BEST PILOT! I--!” 

Chewie’s introduction into Han’s life was Chewie whooping his ass in a pile of mud. Han suddenly knew how to speak Wookie, and then the rest is history.

That Aurra Sing name drop made me clutch my chest. 

Enfys Nest is a pirate after the same shit Han and crew are after but honestly??? When she was whooping ass on that train I knew I would stan.

JESUS CHRIST THEY DID NOT DESERVE THANDIE NEWTON. I was so upset that Val did not have a big part in this movie, and was killed early on! She is such an amazing actress, and it was really sad to see her go after we just got her! And a self-sacrifice for her death was lazy as fuck!!! THERE WAS NO NEED. I’m actually thankful they never got their hands on Sana Starros at this point because that shit so disappointing for me. 

Qi’ra being branded and owned by Dryden Vos??? I’m glad he got clapped in the end, and that she was the one that was able to do it!

LAAAAAAANNDDDDOOOOOOOOOO OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDD!

Best thing about this goddamn movie

HE WAS SMOOTH. SO FASHIONABLE. A SCAMMER. THAT’S MY MANS!

Not enough Lando. Not nearly enough. 

The sabacc scene?!?! Han and Lando together was goddamn worth it! I really wish we saw MORE OF THEM. 

BECAUSE SERIOUSLY WTF I THOUGHT THERE’D BE MORE TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP

Droid death match?

GONK DROID GONK DROID GONK DROID!!!!!!

L3 was literally the droid version of Korg from Ragnarok, but I loved her anyway.

Seeing the Falcon brand new and shiny was so cool!!!

I just want to state right here and now that I am so thankful that we got a look into Lando’s walk-in closet and 30 capes?! 

A SCENE WHICH LEADS TO QI’RA AND HAN MAKING OUT INTO A CLOTHES RACK ASJKJADSKA?! OKAY???

Beckett’s “don’t trust her. don’t trust anyone. NOT EVEN YOURSELF!!!!!” OH DAMN THAT’S A PLOT POINT WE’LL USE FOR LATER!!!

L3 launching the rebellion on Kessel gave me life. Again, it felt very Thor: Ragnarok but I still  enjoyed it.

MORE GONK DROIDS

CHEWIE HELPING THE WOOKIES ALMOST MADE ME CRY I LOVE HIM.

Lando got shot and I really screamed. It’s like I forgot about Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi existing entirely because I deadass worried about my boy. MY FEELINGS WERE HURT THAT HE WAS HURT.

Qi’ra battle cried and...BLEW EVERYTHING UP LOL. SHE REALLY SNAPPED. SHE CAME OUT THE FALCON WITH TWO BOMBS IN HER HANDS AND JUST! THREW THEM!

When it showed the giant ass star destroyer holding a blockade and sent out all those TIEs? NUT!!!!

The Kessel Run...I was expecting more I guess? I can’t put my finger on it but it wasn’t the great scene that it could have been?

WHEN THEY BARELY LANDED ON SAVAREEN AND THE FALCON LOOKED LIKE THE GIANT MESS WE ALL LOVE.

Lando: “I hate you.” 

Han, with heart eyes and a giant smirk on his face: “I know”

Me: *passed out*

LANDO JUST. UP AND LEFT WITH THE FALCON. HE REALLY LEFT THEM STRANDED AKDHKADHKJDA! He got his shit and LEFT!!!

ENFYS NEST IS HERE AND SURPRISE IT IS REVEALED THAT SHE IS A BIRACIAL TEENAGED GIRL. I HAVE NEVER STANNED SO FUCKING FAST IN MY LIFEEEEEE!!

I SERIOUSLY NEED TO SEE MORE OF HER I WAS HOOKED THE MOMENT SHE SPOKE. IF I DON’T GET A FULL NOVEL AND COMIC WITH HER BACKSTORY I’M GOING TO SCREAM.

She actually ticked off all of my Mara Jade boxes like if they ever put Mara in something, I imaged her to look JUST LIKE THAT it was wild!

Han: “What’s on Tatooine?”

Me, and opportunistic Luke stan ignoring Han’s backstory with Jabba completely: YOUR FUCKING BOY THAT’S WHAT!

Beckett REALLY TURNED OUT TO BE A LIAR AND A SCAMMER BUT AS HE SAID HE WARNED HAN. BUT HAN KNOWS!BETTER!NOW!!!!!

Qi’ra STABBING HER CAPTOR IN THE HEART. I LOVE THIS SONG.

HAN I-WON’T-HESITATE-BITCH SOLO REALLY SHOT BECKETT IN THE CHEST. LIKE IT WAS REALLY NECESSARY TO ESTABLISH THAT HE SHOT FIRST. I CACKLED OUT LOUD. 

QI’RA SKYPPEEDDDDD OH MY GOOOODDDDD

HIS ASS IS REALLY STILL ALIVE

MY GOD MAUL IS STILL.FUCKING.ALIVE.....

THE MOMENT I HEARD HIS VOICE AND ACCENT THOUGH I WAS SHOOK SO I AM A FAKE BITCH I KNOW DEEP DOWN I WAS THRILLED TO SEE HIM.

Maul: Come to Dathomir now, Qi’ra. You and I are going to be working very close together

Me, *looking into the camera like I’m in the office*: Tumblr is going to fucking ship this now, aren’t they? 

I’m glad that I at least didn’t have to sit through a Star Wars film without hearing a lightsaber ignite I would have been distraught!

HAN WINNING THE FALCON. HE DIDN’T HAVE TO DO LANDO LIKE THAT! 

All in all this movie was not great by far, but it did tick off all my Star Wars aesthetic needs boxes, and I had fun. 

[tominicholland]

Time of Your Life

Pairing: Harry Holland x Protagonist (brief, planned), Tom Holland x Protagonist (main, planned)

Synopsis: Jacob Batalon’s youngest cousin (Protagonist) is now – as of August – 18 years old. At the nearly-ripe age of 17, she accompanied her cousin to the Spider-Man: Homecoming premiere where she grows acquainted with the younger crowd of the star-studded cast and – most importantly – piques the interest of two Holland boys, Harry (who’s the same age) and Tom (who’s three years her senior).

Author’s Note: TOM HOLLAND AND HARRISON OSTERFIELD FINALLY MAKE THEIR WAY INTO THIS STORY WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO. In other news, this is kind of lengthy because it goes into a whole story about the protagonist’s school crush, Jake, and how much of an ass he is and how the Holy Trinity helps her forget the douche, and yeah. Such excitement!1!!!!! If you like stories about girls getting over fuckbois, read this!!!!! 

Trigger Warnings: Protagonist has somewhat of a breakdown, there’s mentions of suicide but they’re brief (not even central to the plot) 

Word Count: 2,992 

Part I // Part II //Part III: The Holy Trinities   In which the protagonist learns of the two holiest trinities out there: Intellectualism, False Hope, and Loneliness; Tom Holland, Jacob Batalon and Harrison Osterfield. 

My role in student government (ASB) was plain and simple as the Attorney General. Like the Attorney General of the United States, I basically represent the ASB in conflicts and preside over the “legal” aspects of clubs, such as the drafting of their charters and other procedural duties. Each day I’d be allowed to leave Study Period fifteen minutes early to assume my position at the front desk of the Student Government office and consume my lunch before parents, staff and students came barging in with worthless questions and futile threats. Study Period was with Vicky, Sam, Imani and Carlos in Mr. Rosenblatt’s class that day, and we noticed that he was unusually irked with us. Normally, he’d pull up a sixth chair whenever First Period classes served as Study Period homeroom and openly prattle on with his favourite students, but that he didn’t seem quite in the mood. Neither did I, after Third Period, in between.

I’d already had a whole block period – two hours – of the four of my friends jabbering about how, technically, if the premiere was going to supplant my prom experience, Harry Holland could be my “date,” and I’d grown sick of it. On top of that, during Third Period AP Calculus, I’d dozed off after the sugar in the Slurpee wore on me. Jake was in the class with me and, just like in Mr. Rosenblatt’s class, he sat across the room from me. Instead of ignoring me, his chair was perfectly positioned to give him a spectacular view of my drool dripping onto my textbook and the scaly calculator imprint on my cheek when I finally woke up from that glorious slumber.

Jake had somewhat of a laugh and a smirk and a snigger, with dark coiffure of John F. Kennedy, Jr. volume. His lips were thin and his eyebrows the polar opposite, but somehow the lines of hair above his eyes remained symmetrical and tame. When he turned to the side, his profile was perfectly chiselled – his jaw and cheekbones formed a perfect triangle-like dip when he would suck his cheeks in, and his nose was big but not too big. And he had light brown skin, the perfect mixture of his father’s and mother’s. It was miraculous that this was what my mental capacities generated with a lack of sleep, and even more of a blessing that Jake was laughing more to himself that to his friends who were perplexed by rotations problems.

This reel of Jake’s amusement from my struggle to stay awake replayed and replayed in my head as I was fighting my anxiety to saunter towards Mr. Rosenblatt. Jake sat in the chair closest to his desk and the wall, so he had a perfect view of Mr. Rosenblatt on his desktop and anyone who came up to ask him questions.

As I approached Mr. Rosenblatt I saw Jake’s head perk up a little. His phony attentiveness became clear as his eyes skimmed lines of Shakespeare and averted to me. The brown circles rested on the left corners of his eyes as his smirk curled on the right side of his mouth. Indubitable eavesdropping done by the prettiest boy in school, and it was on my conversation.

I cleared my throat: “Mr. Rosenblatt?”

“Yes, Ms. Maja,” he scrunched up his nose like a little mole rat. Mr. Rosenblatt kind of looked like one but no one scrutinized his looks because we all knew he had breast cancer, and for our class, he’d missed the most days for chemotherapy. It fell under some cardinal sin to give him shit because he was dying.  

“I just wanted to ask if I could go to the ASB right now instead of later,” I prefaced. “I finished part of the CRQ’s in class but I wasn’t feeling well in calculus –”

Jake deadass cackled.

“Uhm, Jake?” Mr. Rosenblatt inquired. “Do you have anything to contribute to this bilateral conversation?”

“I’ll make it trilateral by letting you know that Maja did indeed fall into a deep slumber in calculus and I watched it from an admirer’s distance,” Jake’s charmingly apprised our teacher and caused Mr. Rosenblatt to chuckle along with him.

“Well, if that’s the case Ms. Maja, I’ll let you go to the ASB. It must be quieter there,” Mr. Rosenblatt was right. Everyone was still in Study Period and no parents, staff nor students could pester those in the office until lunch.

I felt all heat escape from my face as I turned a pale colour and dragged myself back to my seat to get my things. I reached for my backpack as Vicky asked, “Hey, where are you going?” 

“The ASB,” I said. I yanked my bag from the back of my chair and tossed it over my shoulder. My right hand shoved the door open when she exclaimed that all of them would join me; I used my foot as a door prop and said in a stern tone, “No. I’m gonna take a nap in the beanbag in the back office. I can’t talk.” I didn’t even have to fake being tired. A yawn escaped me at the perfect time.

“Oh… ok,” she said, taken aback. Somehow she and the others couldn’t put two and two together, that I was stressed above all things about this even though it was a month away, and if I really thought about it, it a few weeks away, and if I really, really, really wanted to torture myself, I’d realize that it was three school weeks away, right after exams.

Study Period was only about thirty-five minutes, so I had twenty minutes of napping time in total. Ideally I’d use the fifteen minutes to gather lunch, but seeing as I’d stopped by 7-11 earlier I bought myself some Hot Cheetos and a Caesar Salad to serve for my afternoon meal. I did, however, trot to the vending machine outside the office to get a blue Gatorade.

When I came back I popped my salad open and ripped the chip bag and dug in. The bell rang and I heard all the eager underclassmen literally racing each other to the lunch lines. I rolled my eyes and disturbed the desktop in front of me, launched Google Chrome and opened Twitter, hoping to find some interesting articles.  

The door swung open after a good ten minutes, while I was enjoying a New Yorker article by Jia Tolentino, who disparaged some book by Ivanka Trump. Lo and behold, it was Jake; lo and behold, I was stupid and almost choked on my salad.

“Oooh,” he teased. “Just the Attorney General I wanted to see.”

“I’m the only Attorney General,” I sassed.

“I know, I know,” he knew then that he’d be more circumspect in his statements. “I’m in the same AP Government class with you in Preston’s room. I gotta know how this shit works, right?”

He slammed his hands on the counter in front of me, stood on the tips of his toes and peered down at my screen. “God, you’re such a nerd,” he poked. “Always reading some dumb shit that’s not so dumb.”

He let the balls of feet drop back to the ground, placed his elbows on the counter, crossed them, and then let his chin rest on the formative lump of his hands. Jake was a south paw and his left hand overlapped his right. Always.

“Is there anything you’d like me to help you with?” I questioned.

“Yeah,” he had that smirk again, which oozed of a sort of brazenness and insolence that made me cower behind my laptop. “I want to take Sami to Prom.”

Everything by my eyes were completely frozen, and they gave him an icy glare.  

“Not your Sam,” this was a gratuitous reply. “Sami the soccer player.” I

 knew her – she was just as tall as I was (5’8), a bit more fit than I was (she was a tri-sport athlete, I merely did swim), was blonde (I could never compete there), and popular.

“And?” I’d no idea why he needed to tell me this.

“I just felt like I needed to tell you,” he teased.

Contrary to the strong woman I believed to myself to be in that moment, I was on the verge of tears. This was kind of brutal.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he went back on the tip of his toes again and looked at me over the screen. This time he was sterner and his rosy cheeks of douchebaggery faded into the pallor of a self-aware asshole. “I was just shitting around. Don’t cry. This is like sophomore year all over again when I sat next to you. I don’t want to get in trouble with the ASB Dean for making the Attorney General cry so just.. j-just..” he started laughing to himself again, as one would laugh in a surreal situation.

I swiveled farther away from him. Thank god for swivel chairs.

“Look, I’m trying not to be an asshole here, okay? I’ve been meaning to tell you this since last week. I figured Sam’d already told you because she was right behind me when I said it –”

My nostrils flared and my pupils shrank.

“Yeah, I know she knew and I know you know. I was only entertaining the thought of asking you, even went so far and thinking what it’d be like to have you as a date. You can fill in the rest. But I didn’t not ask you because I was judging your friends. I didn’t ask you because I don’t want to be the asshole who leads you on.”

As intense and painful as this moment was for me, I did my best to relive it just to clarify to myself that there was no yelling, no melodrama. Jake said this to me in hushed tones in a span of ten minutes and left.

The rest of the day passed by in a blur. Fifth period AP Chem was just god-awful. Carlos was there with me and I didn’t feel like filling him in on Jake or letting him copy my quiz on poly-atomic ions, so I walked up to the front of the class while our teacher, Ms. Romualdez, was lecturing and moaned to her about how I had to go to the nurse. I was a depressed, sobbing mess and needed to go home no matter what. She understood, and all twelve other kids in the class understood in respectful silence. And even though I was annoyed with him, Carlos was gracious enough to walk me to the front office, where Nurse Kelly was.

Nurse Kelly was the most neglectful nurse to ever make a cameo in my life. She dutifully attended to students who had more tangible sicknesses, but when a mentally distraught child came in, she was notorious for simply calling their parents and asking if they were stable enough to walk home. Granted, though she wasn’t a therapist or psychologist, she could have at least done more to help people who were sick of high school, as most people should for the sake of the youth. However, on this specific day, I wasn’t having it. I needed her sloppy caretaking to get me a pass off the premises of Hell and back into my bed. And she happily obliged.

When I got home, my mom was so concerned about me. She cupped my face in her hands and screamed at me, “Don’t tell me you tried to kill yourself, please, not like that one girl we read about when you were in middle school!” “Phoebe King? What? Mom, mom no!” I ripped myself from her grip and started marching up the stairs. “Mom, just leave me alone, I started crying because I didn’t get any sleep last night and I don’t understand Chemistry and equivocation in Macbeth!” I was already in my room when I screamed this last part: “I’M SO STUPID I HAVE TO USE NO FEAR SHAKESPEARE ON SPARKNOTES BECAUSE I HATE THE FOOTNOTES!”

My face sank into my pillow and my body relaxed as I fell into an effortless nap – a nap where you can’t forge an entire plotline in your dreams and can only remember the climax of whatever your soul told you mind to project. I felt like I was enjoying it until my phone rang. It was a Facetime video call from Jacob.

“Hey, Cuz, he greeted me. His face was at the center of the screen and I could tell he was looking down at his phone. I didn’t think he was at his house because I didn’t recognize the color and texture of the ceiling. “How ya doing? Tita (Aunt) told me that you had a shitty day.”

“Oh yeah,” I rolled my eyes and sniffled a little. I saw my face in the little screen thing and saw that my eyes were ridiculously puffy and red. “I just told her I had a shit time at school.”

“Hey, man you know me, I dropped out of college and now you’re our only hope. Ya gotta become a doctor or something,” he joked, “because if anyone had a brain like yours and didn’t do anything with it, that’d be a waste.”

I smiled. Jacob always lifted me up when I felt like I wasn’t enough for the world academically, so he had a bunch of canned pep talks that would get me to cheer up no matter how incompatible they were with the situation I was in. My self-deprecation was, to Jacob, the root of all evil, so everything could be cured if he tried to talk that down. I had to stop him here, though, because this wasn’t an academic struggle or an inadequacy. I felt heartbroken because of a boy.

“It’s not because of school being hard or anything, it’s just that Jake pulled an asshole move on me today,” and so I went through the motions of everything, with Jacob barely making any interjections like “daaaaaammmmnnn” like he does in interviews. He’s an all-around attentive person.

“So it’s because you’re too smart for him,” this wasn’t a question he was asking, it was a fact.

“I guess. If you want to put it that way. He made fun of me from the get-go about me being bookish. Always thought I was an undercover college student,” I chuckled and sniffled at the same time. “But like, I feel like I’m experiencing the Holy Trinity that all the nerd girls go through in high school: intellectualism, false hope and loneliness.”

“Aw,” I heard a voice say from the background.

“Wait – am I on speaker?” I asked.

“Uhhhhh….” Jacob was collecting details to build a story as to why we weren’t talking in confidence.

“Kuya (brother, older male cousin)!” I screamed. “Who is that?”

“Listen, Maja, I’m so sorry but my Beats ran out of battery and your mom really pressed me to call you, and you know you’re like a sister to me and I thought you tried pulling some weird shit in school so I called you and –” Jacob’s phone was snatched from his hand. It flipped onto the faces of two white guys – one shirtless with a killer jaw and brown eyes and the other in a black v-neck shirt, blond hair and powdery blue eyes.

“Hey, Maja,” the one on the right with the blond hair greeted me with an awkward wave. He had a deep voice that rung out in an English accent, and he pronounced my name with the stress in the first syllable: “Maaw-huh.”

“Hey,” the other one waved shyly.

“This is Harrison, but you can call me Haz,” the blond one smiled.

“And I’m Tom, and you can call me Tom,” he laughed lightly at his joke before he realized the gravity of the situation as Jacob walked into the shot from behind them.

Jacob placed his arms around Tom and Haz and sighed. “You said you experienced the ‘Holy Trinity’ of high school, but we’re the Holy Trinity from Spider-Man and we’re here for you.”

“Yeah,” Harrison – I mean Haz – added. “We hope you don’t mind that Jacob’s been talking to us about you, and all that’s been happening regarding your attendance at the premiere.”

“But – but we didn’t know about all this stuff about this other Jake until now, darling” Tom interrupted. “That wasn’t at all expected and we’re sorry. Jake’s Beats did die and we were in the hotel room with him and we can’t go out because there’s a mob of fans trying to take a peek at the Spider-Man suit –”

“Shut up, Tom, she doesn’t want to hear this!” Haz exclaimed.

Tom. As in Tom Holland.

Harrison. As in Harrison Osterfield.

Spider-Man and his lovely assistant were joining forces with my cousin to cheer me up.

“Well, the point is, darling, is that we’re excited to finally meet you at the premiere and we’re going to do our best to make sure you have a damn good time that you can rub in that arsehole Jake’s face.”

“Yeah,” Jacob nodded along. “And Tom, you can cuss, you know.” Tom looked quizzically at Jacob.

“It’s just weird hearing you say ‘arse.’ You’re not a euphemistic kind of guy in hotel rooms, usually,” Jacob giggled.

“Jacob, I’m talking to a lady. More importantly, your little cousin,” Tom explained.

After a few awkward exchanges of excitement and anticipation, we ended the video chat (well, I did, because Tom had the phone in his hands and didn’t know how to end the call).

“Dammit, how do I turn it off?” he yelled as Jacob, Haz and I laughed.

“Bye!” I waved at the camera and hit the red button. Back to my home screen. All I could think about was how stupid I was for not screenshotting the video call for proof that I’d spoken with Tom and Haz.