#I could talk about this all day lol
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If anyone wants to get allegorical with me I wouldn’t hate that. Because right now all I can think about are the parallels between Neytiri and Lucifer becoming fallen angels….
Defeat, acceptance, then rage. (My favorite song!) lol (also read the tags too)
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#mine#avatar edits#avatar explore page#avatar for you#new avatar blog#avatar the way of water#new avatar writer#new writer#and I’m not saying Neytiri is perfect she is just the best example of fallen angel#having everything taken away from her#pandora was her sanctuary and safe haven#then the rda rolls in and causes nothing but pain and agony for her#and years later when she think her and the kids are safe finally they come back for more#and get her to the breaking point#and now she’s going to wreak havoc on her enemies#and I won’t condemn her for it#I’ll never criticize her feelings#avatar fyp#avatar blog#avatar community#avatar theories#avatar thoughts#avatar writing#neytiri avatar#makes you wonder how Varang and her will interact#eywa is Neytiri’s salvation but what happens when she reaches a point where she questions everything? including her belief#because the belief system of the na’vi is to respect Eywa as its own entity#which can be arguably compared to a godlike figure#so Varang and the ash people coming in as protagonists will pose important challenges with them rejecting Eywa as a whole#I could talk about this all day lol
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Wars and Wild as knights in Lu
They have issues.
I have a lot of thoughts on Wild and Wars and their relationship (Order of this post is talking about saluting, Wild and Wars' different perspectives, memory issues, and fire) Rant time.
No saluting!!
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So Wild took a formal- almost/awkwardly saluting pose when Wars confronted him in 'Entrance pt.2'
It's similar to the first time Wild addressed Wars as 'captain'. His left hand is up from where a salute should be, and his overall posture is awkward, with his shoulders and right hand raised, but it's clear he's trying to do a salute in the presence of a fellow knight.
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In the second example his hand is behind his head, but his posture is very straight and his right arm stiff- he's again attempting a formal saluting position. Which is still awkward
It is less clear but his changes in posture clued me in. He goes from like a deer in the headlights to visibly sweating to straight backed and looking up at Wars- looking at the changes in his body language
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Side note but I literally love how Jojo draws the champions tunic so much-
We can't see the action of Wild's body language in a comic, just the positions he went to. But he visibly leaned away from Wars before switching to a straight backed saluting-like posture. He's clearly freaked out, hence Twilight's face: >:(
I think that Wild taking somewhat military poses around Wars is important to their relationship issues because it comes from his struggle with memory and identity
.
So like. All of them have different perspectives
Wars
I adore Wars. He is baby and I love him. I think it is also important to acknowledge that he would not speak to any of the others this way.
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And the scarf man cmon it's so pretty they are so cute-
Why is Wars talking to Wild like this? He's called him out and reprimanded him multiple times in front of the others. Wild has taken it well but tbh if it was Legend I think he would be on fire.
To some extent I think he is in captain mode. I think that he has trouble seeing Wild as not a knight. Wars gives Wild respect as a knight who sacrificed for his kingdom, but now it seems he's taking it away as a knight who's not doing well enough since he 'disregarded the plan'
At least I think that's the outside (or Wild's) view of it. But Wars internally really cares about Wild and he saw him run up to a giant and lose it. Different ways of showing concern perhaps?
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Who wouldn't want to keep Wild from getting more scars?
I just. Don't doubt for a second Wars really cares about Wild- even if the way he's acting still isn't cool. He has no right to treat him like a soldier any more than the rest of the chain, and right now I think Wild is acting as the more mature person.
Wild
I adore Wild. He is baby and I love him. I think it is also important to acknowledge that although he is clearly making efforts after Twilight's injury, Wild has ignored Wars for the majority of Lu, by not speaking to him much, and not thanking or acknowledging Wars when he directly helped him. (Small example being walking with Hyrule not Wars when injured and not directly responding to Wars)
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Wars cares about and respects Wild, but it seems Wild wants nothing to do with him, and he's been cold towards Wars for the majority of Lu. To Wild, Wars reminds him of his perceived failure. Which is valid feelings, but still not fair. And I think that ask is talking about these two.
The thing I love about this is each of them are right and wrong in some ways, leading to the tension between them. So fully blaming either of them is not logical
The rest of the chain is just vibing. Except twilight who's mad and wants them to just grow up, but. Heros of courage not wisdom @uniquevoidflowers ;)
And that ask- '''Are any of the Links ever jealous of another Link for adventures that were less difficult/life threatening?'' ''When you hear Wild say he 'hates' someone you'll have your answer.''' somewhat leads to my next point-
Wild's identity and memory issues exacerbate all of this
In Entrance, Twilight is being stressed and defensive, that's ok. What concerns me most is that Twilight has talked with Wild through stuff like this in his rough moments
Wild has tried to be formal several times- he is not very good at it
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Four's face I can't didnwidkekfjej
Wild isn't and can't be 'him'- the same 'perfect' (<actually has crippling anxiety) knight he was before, and Twilight knows this. And I agree with him a bit, I think, that Wars is making things worse in Wild's mind by being that perfect soldier, and seemingly holding Wild to a standard he isn't
Wild's attempts at saluting is symbolic of that- Wars makes him feel like a failure trying to be the person he should be. But Wild shouldn't be anyone but himself.
Anyways. Fire.
Wars and Wild have issues, and I want them to work through all their relationship drama so they can reach their PEAK dynamic, which is obviously this
I mean like. We need these two to be friends
Anyways. Wild is in this constant state of identity crisis, and being around Wars has not been beneficial- neither of them is or has been showing the other the respect they deserve. Not as knights, but as people and brothers. They need a get along shirt.
All this Art is by Jojo @linkeduniverse au!
:)
#that's it that's my argument. they need a get along shirt#I think times armor would work. they are small enough to be the kids shoved in dads clothes to get along#it could hold up when wars starts breathing fire and wild blowing stuff up#linked universe#linkeduniverse#hiii Jesse#Lu wild#lu wars#let's talk about it! I know some of yall will disagree with me probably on some of this#open communication and whatnot#but. do not take this post to hate on wild or wars bc they are both baby <3 fire babies#this post took like three days. like it.#<wait that's unclear. I don't mean literally like it lol I just want you to like as because I made it for you and want it to make you happy#':D if I've said anything like mean or offensive accidentally sorry let me know. we all care so much about these little arsonists <33#remember you are loved yall matter so much and I care about you#:)#if I have type the word 'wars' or 'wild' one more time I'm gonna lose it
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Return date for my webcomic, Time and Time Again!
It's been set for a while but sometimes they change the date without warning, so I'll keep you updated if anything changes!
I'm extremely proud of the work I've been doing on it, I can't wait to share everything!
See you then!
#i still have to finish book 4#soooo iiiiiii will do that... this week...#really trying to be done with it but this one is taking so long for all the changes!#hoping to have an update on that soon too#might have taken on a few too many projects#but yay! return!#yippee!!!#i would say sorry its been so long but theres no way it could have been shorter and other people are gone way longer#i tried to leave things on a nice note so itd only be missed for wanting more#and not missed for feeling abandoned#ok! time to get up for another day of work! really need some things off my list so my days can be like.#9/10 hours instead of 12 LOL#im so tired. im legitimately extremely overworked it's a problem#ok bye back to work for me#return#hiatus stuff#time and time again#announcement#use this post to talk about how excited you are and make guesses and shower me with praise :-)[-[#LMAO
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a star being appeared in your apartment, wdyd?
(aka loop getting reverse isekaied into the modern office au)
also there are some scattered mumblings on loop in this AU under the cut actually in an rb now link right here if anyone's interested (spoilers for all of ISAT, including 2hats!)
#in stars and time#isat#isat spoilers#in the rambles but technically on this own this doesnt really have spoilers lol (this tag was added later)#isat siffrin#isat loop#yea loop is cursing but it is censored with stars#since i thought it would be a little bit funny#if i keep drawing for this AU i should prob come up with a better name than “modern office AU” LOL#which will prob be the case since i have a couple more silly ideas in my back pocket#and other characterizations for others i want to explore a lil#but i also have other ISAT drawings i want to get to so it might be a bit before i get through all that ASDFASDAS#also i will gladly take additional suggestions for doodles#since those are always fun!!!#i could prob mumble on about various thoughts for the others in this AU but like#right now everything is still a bunch of mildly incoherent headcanons in a trenchcoat with a very vague plot#and i am very much not a writer cuz words are hard!!!!#but at the end of the day this AU will mainly be silly office shenanigans#with a bit of character spice for flavor every once in a while LMAO#okay tag talk over oops#reverse entry au#reverse isekai loop au
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i’m having illario dellamorte thoughts. what if instead of knowingly betraying lucanis he did it like, unknowingly. idk how this would work but i’m intrigued by what it gives us. illario ‘i accidentally caused my cousin’s death & can never tell anyone’ dellamorte. genuinely grieving. blaming himself. does he take advantage of the year before lucanis comes back?? does caterina still ignore him the whole time?? how different is the canon plotline once rook shows up with lucanis post-rescue…..
anyways i would love your thoughts!!
95% of what i do with illario operates on the idea that he is frighteningly competent so you can see why the way the crows plotline plays out in the game might frustrate me. it’s also this reason why i don’t actually think too much about “illario got lucanis killed, but didn’t mean to do it”, because i like the idea that everything illario does in his life is planned to the second and that he’s too well trained to mess up this badly, if that makes sense. with that being said. 5% of my brain power does sometimes go towards “and what if he just sucked actually” and it was a theory i enjoyed before the game even released. so i have in fact been thinking about this anyway LOL . maybe he tries to honeypot zara, accidentally actually reveals lucanis’ next assassination job, and zara gets rid of him as a ‘gift’. illario is horrified and that gets even worse when lucanis’ body shows up, and he assumes this must be because he spurned zara by leaving her and not having the guts to seize power.
i think we could make his inferiority complex worse. illario’s worst fear confirmed: he is as worthless as his grandmother believes he is, botching something so badly that he accidentally sentences his cousin to death when what he wanted was lucanis just… out of the way for a bit (maybe while he kills caterina. LOL. i still think his resentment of caterina trumps his jealousy for lucanis though those two things are very intertwined its hard for him to differentiate them). so incapable that he got the only person who actually supports him killed, and now he’s dreading the idea of becoming first talon. he doesn’t want first talon without lucanis backing him, and now the only person left is caterina which is suffocating and makes him even unhappier. at least he hadn’t lived through her alone, and now through consequences of his own decisions, illario has no choice but to.
i think that would affect his plans for talon because of how horribly he’d fucked up, and tries to mask it because if he suddenly actually doesn’t want to be talon that would be a red flag for everyone. lucanis coming back would delight him (talon is within his sights again if lucanis comes back!) and freak him out. i think the plotline would actually be pretty similar because of this freak out, so he still shows up to zara’s fight to cover his tracks. lucanis can never know, caterina can never know, because what little faith they have in him will be lost. like he committed fratricide and didn’t even MEAN to😭 ...corpse whispering still happens, and zara is like “ohhh that coward. he can never finish what he started, can he?” + “elaborate.” + “i gave him what he most wanted in the world and instead of being grateful, he ran away.” so lucanis finds out about what happened but feels a mix of “illario, you idiot” + pity because turns out he didn’t even mean for it to happen, and keeps his secret for now, otherwise he’d probably have to kill him.
i also think not meaning to kill lucanis would sour his feelings towards the venatori, who are a reminder of how badly he failed, so the alliance wouldn’t happen. this does mean if the story goes on as it does in canon, he has to take desperate measures another way and kidnap caterina for some other reason but i can’t think of why….. maybe a thing where illario is like “ok. lucanis is distracted by the elven gods. this time i just have to kill nonna for real and then nothing is in my way” and recruits disgraced houses or houses that don’t like caterina to do so? not sure tbh but i don’t believe caterina made it so far without making enemies lol. this would happen post bloodbath + corpse whispering— lucanis leaves his cousin unchecked because while he knows illario didn’t mean for him to die, he has no idea how far he would go to have caterina dead. teia could find out about this and send word to foil the kidnapping and assassination attempt
so ‘murder of crows’ is still about saving caterina, the illario-lucanis fight still happens, but it’s a little more hesitant and lots of “why won’t you just let me kill her? i’m doing this for the both of us”. he’s had to live with being the un-favorite, but never would have thought lucanis would actually pick caterina if it came down to it. with all of his missteps here, i think the final decision (and i think it should be like this in canon anyway) would be to imprison illario or kill him. imprisoning him is just a lot of “i can’t kill illario as much as he couldn’t kill me”, vs killing him as is expected from him as talon, and what he knew he would have to do after finding out about illario's failures. unlike canon, where illario is actually meaning to kill him and can be seen as a 'good crow' despite the sloppiness, here he's like. just bad at everything. the allied traitor houses that went against caterina would also have to be imprisoned or killed. no happy ending at all here, and lucanis still becomes first talon. now that i’ve written it out this is actually probably the worst ending LOL
the above sticks a lot to what is canon to the game (plot points, choices, etc) and i didn’t go very far away from it so it's like canon 3 inches to the left. tho my thoughts on this are not fleshed out* because i think illario works better as an antagonist character that sets things in motion !! not necessarily the villain in a cain-abel story, but a character who opposes lucanis while still not wanting to hurt him. that kind of discipline where he finds a way to get what he wants (first talon) without compromising what he also cares for (family) is so much more fun for me than a man who apparently just loses it and decides to enact a bad plan to get rid of his cousin. if he waited 20+ years to become talon i think he’d be more careful when it came down to it. if i had my way illario would be playing insane 5d chess to rival solas (insert black sails “i once thought that to lead, to be liked was just as good as feared. and that may very well be true. but to be both liked and feared all at once, is an entirely different state of being.”)
#*my thoughts are ‘not fleshed out’ but i still wrote all this. LOL#i nearly answered this ask with the companion-illario au from my mind because i think vg needed a companion that lies to you LOL#but thats less 'illario didnt mean to do it' and more 'oh illario did it and just feels so guilty he goes on a one man crusade#against the venatori because he needs an outlet and both of them are known as magekillers'#he would have lied for most of the game about how lucanis got kidnapped/'killed' and resolves it by saving lucanis + confessing his guilt#this au had elements of 'it was an accident' but i kept flip flopping between if i wanted that or not lol#because . idk. i like when he purposefully does all this and then regrets it. my walking contradiction (slash i want him)#illario guilt inferiority and jealousy you all mean so much to me#but yeah. last point relates to the envyllario rewrite also from my mind#the idea of like. that caution vanishing because of the envy demon is quite fun for me#so spite makes lucanis a victim to his own anger and sense of justice#while envy refuses to let illario maintain his veneer of charm and forces him to act rashly despite his planning#ok. i have to stop talking. thank u anon for this because i am always looking for an excuse to chat shit#prompt me at any point to speak about illario and i honest to god will just be sat here thinking#actually it was pretty bad a few days ago when i was thinking about ways it could go for him in my aus and drawing a blank#and had the very clear thought 'i NEED to put my thinking cap on' which was . a bit humiliating#illario dellamorte#long post#answered#anonymous
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i think a lot about how agent washington has SUCH a broad skill set. like he may not be an expert at everything but he's pretty good at a LOT of different things, and seems to be pretty good at learning new things fairly quickly (like his leadership skills during chorus, for example). we think about this a lot in terms of battle/general military skills, but i like to imagine it applies to other, more mundane things as well. one of my main examples i think about often is how after tucker got stabbed in s12, he would've needed someone to help him do his hair since he couldn't do it alone so now suddenly wash is devoting himself to learning how to do braids.
#rvb#look at my reblog for a visual#agent washington#lavernius tucker#tuckington#maybe i'll talk more about this another day. this is all i've got for right now because i have to drag my ass to bed lol#i just personally think that after all the shit he put the reds and blues through#he would do everything he could to be as helpful to them as possible#like hey simmons sorry about holding you hostage that time let me teach you how to fight with a knife to compensate /j
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For the ship ask, I'm curious for your take on Great and Tyme from 4 Minutes
Shan! I enjoy Great and Tyme, but not in connection with the story. Even with all the pieces finally revealed with what we believe is the true storyline I fee like GreatTyme doesn't really fit into place in it. In Great's mind they were so incredibly soft and awkward and sweet but everything felt disjointed but I could blame that on the fact that it wasn't real and was pieced together in Great's imagination.
But even real timeline GreatTyme feels so out of place with the storyline for me. Great seems really unattached in such a weird way and Tyme is a big ole hypocrite and their real life interactions weren't deep enough for them to establish any real connection. Literally a one and done situation. We haven't gotten any true development between them but I guess the story isn't really about the development of the characters in relation to each other but how the characters fit into this murder mystery. And the series is not long enough to go into individual character depth AND solve a murder AND explore the theory of what the brain experiences in the last 4 minutes of life. Too much is happening for 8 ep with the average 47 mins run time. There's too many characters and too many moving pieces.
But I do really like Great and Tyme together even if they're both a-holes and have gotten many people killed. I like how awkward and weird they are with each other compared with how callous Tyme is with others and how uncaring Great is with life. Also Bible and Jes have some really good chemistry and I like them together.
Send me a ship and I’ll share my thoughts about it.
#this was fun#i could talk all day about them#and about how i love them#but how they dont fit they are an anomaly in their own series lol#4 minutes#greattyme
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"Who was the cameo in the last chapter"
IM GLAD I ASKED
Let me introduce you to the majestic and beautiful:
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M'AIQ
She is my child, my sweet sweet baby, my goofy little potato. The light of my life.
SO. Now you guys have her as your cat too in The Afterthought!
#yes she was an anxious baby#like. that's literally what drew me to her#that and the lil stripey between her eyebrows and down her nose 🥹#I've known her since the day she was born#and let me tell you#SHE IS AMAZING#she is ALSO diabetic!#betcha didn't know cats could get diabetes#neither did I... but she doesn't need insulin anymore and that's amazing#but yeah here's my cute potato#yes she's named after M'aiq the Liar in Skyrim#it's very fitting tho she lies about not being fed all the time lol#ANYWAYS#she's cute deal with it#the afterthought#M'aiq the cat#tato talks
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cc!leo is so weird and fun to write because i have to capture the spectrum of him impossibly gentle and caring, goofy and nonchalant to make everyone feel better, and INSANELY invested in the prospect of brutally murdering someone all at the same time and writing ch23 really illuminates that for me lmao. like the characters just kind of take me places that i dont expect and apparently the answer to "what happens when you strip leo of all his layers of facade and make him forced to hurt the most important person in his life through horrifying mind control?" in this extremely specific instance was uhhhh. Bloodthirsty! apparently
he's so funny to me like bro can you CHILL
#personal#canary continuity#i think the difference between the way he treats his family and everyone else in his life is going to be. Stark. for a long time#considering how pressed he is about the topic of witch town? i could see him in particular developing some paranoia#and hypervigilance#ESPECIALLY whenever they're in the hidden city#like i could all see them worrying about donnie almost to an unhealthy extent but like#there's a non-zero possibility of leo having a paranoia spiral about something like this. he feels like he cant trust ANYONE#except for the people he already knows#not when they dont know who did this all in the first place. he's going to feel like there's more danger waiting for them for. a while#yk i could also see this getting even worse after the invasion !#usually people give a role like this to donnie so im being PROGRESSIVE!!!!#CL showed that leo has a lot of villain potential but like... ngl CW kind of does too#its fun to explore a darker side to him tbh#and i think it is VERY funny how night and day the difference is with how he interacts with donnie#literally the most gentle kind consoling person on the planet lmfao#like with raph a lot of his volence and aggression is very. unplanned. especially in the future#its a panic response above all else. all he can think about is protecting them. he's not really making those choices in his right mind#BUT LEO WILL LOL considering how he's been talking about kitsune??? WOOF#he can be your angle.... or your devil...........#put him in front of his CL self and he would rip his throat out with his teeth im not even joking
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LIKE ITS JUST NEAT LOL
#this is vee speaking#GHOST KUUKOU COMPLETES THEM JUST LIKE HE COMPLETES ME—#rhyme anima kuukou is his own beast lol like i think if i had to make another one#it would be based on buddhism lol with stage kuukou on the far end of he follows his own principles#canon kuukou being in the center for following his own principles that are rooted in the core of buddhism#and rhyme anima would be a kuukou shaped monk LOL#BUT SLIDING SCALE KUUKOUS SLIDING SCALE KUUKOUS#I STILL THINK IT WOULD BE NEAT IF STAGE KUUKOU REPRESENTS A MINDSET THAT KUUKOU HAD BEFORE HE EMBRACED HIS FATE#AND WE HAVE LOWKEY A SCALE IN WHICH KUUKOU IS PROGRESSING TOWARDS NOW THAT WE HAVE GHOST KUUKOU#but i don’t really want canon kuukou to change his stance too much lol i like that middle ground he’s on#in terminus tho he’s flat out saying he’s willing to carry all of humanity to the ends of the ends#and it makes me feel he is heading towards a resolution similar to ghost kuukou’s lol#WHICH IS STILL FCKING COOL LMAO#LIKE KUUKOU NEVER REJECT GHOST KUUKOUS PATH BC HES NOT SURE HIS IS THE RIGHT ONE EITHER#BLLLRRRRAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHGHUH I LOVE KUUKOU AND GHOST KUUKOU SO MUCH THEYRE SO COOLLLLLLL#I COULD TALK ALL DAY ABOUT HOW THEYRE TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHGHG
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i LOVE how we can always rely on atsushi to acknowledge how impressive akutagawa is anytime he does anything
#bsd#shin soukoku#bsd sskk#the newest chapters were sending me back to hero vs criminal#and how shiny eyed atsushi was throughout all of it#which also had the unfortunate element of reminding me of my rage at the anime for cutting all of it😒#BUT#not the point rn#because holy shit#it’s atsushi’s inability to acknowledge his own strength#versus how easily he acknowledges akutagawa’s#like i know it’s the whole POINT but GOD ITS THE WHOLE POINT!!!#like i loveeeee love LOVE how it works with sskk’s dynamic#but ALSO just for akutagawa#because it really emphasizes how much his inferiority complex is rooted in himself in dazai#when every person who comes after finds him ridiculously strong#like atsushi being wowed constantly#the agency considering him a flee on sight#higuchi and the black lizard’s respect (+more lol shout out higuchi) for him#the way he IMMEDIATELY impresses fukuchi and how fukuchi spends that fight scoping his ass out#which again the anime CUT SO MUCH OF—#like ooohhhh you are something special SPECIAL#which like all that does great to show akutagawa’s own warped views of himself#but ALSO it does great to make sure the audience keeps him on the same level as atsushi and doesn’t get too blinded by the protagonist#just GOD i could talk about how akutagawa is balanced all day#how crazy it is that ATSUSHI so often is doing the balancing like ooouuuuugggghhhhh#okay cutting myself off sorry bsd just makes me crazy#bsd spoilers#bsd manga spoilers#ish🤷♀️
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this game man. oh my god.
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pssst! u can check my instagram / twitter if u wanna see some extra stuff!! i'm way more active over there ^^
#i could talk about this game all day its SO GOOD#if u wanna see me yapping go to my ig post#i dont wanna make this one too long lol#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#curly mouthwashing#mouthwashing fanart#my art!
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ALSO I am learning how to teach very introverted students, something my natural skillset as a teacher does not help me with.
#one of my greatest tools in the toolkit of my teaching (imo) is that I am unpredictable#I will turn on a dime and I’ll share a thought from the depths of my soul or back of the pantry of my random opinions#that will make them laugh or hook them and they want to hear more#with a group of introverted students maybe they love to see it maybe they don’t but it doesn’t work for them to become engaged#they get so quiet and so still#and not in the good way that kind of happens but kind of just in the scared mouse kind of way#BUT. this past week I kind of had a breakthrough#I totally wasn’t planning on it but the moment was right so I talked to them about them being quiet and introverted (gently teasing them)!#and then I said ‘but do you like it when I just stand here and talk about the book’ and they were like ‘yeah! kind of the pressure is off’#and then I said ‘oh! that’s good to know. because when you’re quiet it makes me feel like you hate me’#(not realizing until I said it that that was the heart of the issue)#and they laughed in surprise (i didn’t say it in a way where I was putting that burden on them in a serious way)#and then I said ‘yeah last night I went home like ‘omg was that a stupid thing to say about Frank Churchill?? no one responded’#and then they kind of shriek-laughed at me and they were like noooooo#and then they said what if we gave you a thumbs up when you were done so you know we don’t hate you#and I said that would be great#and THEN a few days later I gave them an agenda for our discussion written out on the board#where I talked and they listened (I called it discussion with myself) and then they had questions to ponder and things to talk about#with each other. and a lot of time. and THEN I cold called them (they won’t volunteer)#but by that time they were so much more relaxed and they knew what we were doing#so they talked more! and it was so goooood#ALSO idk if it was them#or me who had changed but by the time I got to lecturing at them again#I could feel the quiet warmth that I could not before#(the absence of which is what makes speaking publicly instantly a torture to me l o l)#and it helped so much! like. they didn’t say much (some of them did the thumbs up)#but I had cleared the expectations for them and for me tbh and it helped. I was not waiting for a response from them so in fact I got more#of one. and best of all I could feel them feeling both the warmth and the power of Emma a little bit more#it is starting to click. anyway this is so much but y eah#I’ve been wrestling with this problem a l l year. cracking it in December lol
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watching stuff slowly come together while you work on it is so fun
#''why have you been talking about this all day'' IM BORED AS HELL IM DYING#wanna talk but i dont have anything to talk about#and all my friends are busy today >:/#but i think i hit my limit for working on this today i keep just opening and closing medibang lol#i think i will finish the video i had on and maybe go play balatro for a while#or i could start on a document for rift lore/theories/headcanons.............. maybe that actually#i gotta talk to SOMEONE about it. python is my best friend <3#awa
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never in my life have i wanted a Daddy more than i do rn 😭
#personal#i'm going to ramble and drop it all in the tags#i'd like to have a pity party for myself thanks#the election?#fucked i've just been scrambling for a week now to prepare for the worst that feels like it's rapidly approaching#vaccines updated birth control bought out stockpile of food started passport appointments made tasers and protective gear purchased#banned books put on a wishlist#the holidays?#trying to make them enjoyable instead of so so so triggering#husband's new job?#barely home he's barely home i feel like a solo parent#i'm absolutely drowing at home mainly alone with two toddlers who have found their spirit and resilience and attitude...#the new house?#we've been fighting we are not vibing it's taking forever for me to feel in love with it#we do not get along rn lol#writing? personal time? self care? nonexistent i have no time alone during the day and then i spend the two hours i have to myself at night#fighting sleep and doing nothing#took a shower today and when i got out my eyelash line started burning and then my eyes were burning and then my nose was running and#then my eyes were watering and i could barely open them and goop started building and then they were SWOLLEN to the point where i could see#the muscles bulging and then i couldn't move them left or right#so i drove I DROVE myself to the urgent care#turns out my water has way too much chlorine in it and now that i've started taking hot as fuck and steamy showers it's just made me#susceptible to severe allergic reactions to chlorine?#it's been horrible my eyes are so sore now and they're just now not sopping in goop#and yeah#just...#i live the same day every day and i'm spiraling and drowning and about to go off the rails while also trying to SUCK THE JOY out of the las#month we have before democracy crumbles so#i just wish i had a Daddy to take care of me and tell me things are going to be okay 😭#preferably a Big Daddy that would let me sleep for days and would bring me food and let me hug and snuggle on him and not talk
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Here's a thought.
Sam has been irrevocably changed since his coming back from hell (and jumping in of course). So often I find myself looking at later season's Sam, a Sam who's not a firey rebel against what the world wants of him, a Sam who would fight for himself. This is a quietly submissive Sam who can't stand to disappoint Rock No.1. Someone who takes on pain again and again and again because he's so used to it.
Sam from the first seasons it's not the same Sam as the later. This is a broken, traumatized man who excels at being high functioning and I am SO sure of it.
He LOOKS resigned and tired a lot of the time. And it reminds me of hell!Sam begging himself not to remember. hell!Sam knew what he was talking about and what we're seeing in later seasons is his reflection.
And let me throw in a Silmarillion reference because why the heck not. Like the souls of elves go to Mando's halls, Sam's soul needed to go to heaven and heal from all the years of hell he suffered (earthly ones and hell ones). He was not ready to be reembodied in earth and now he's come wrong.
Like 5 different entities warned us about Sam's shredded to ribbons soul. To me, that doesn't sound like a soul that should've been put back in a body.
#and despite all this there's still this spark of the revel that he used to be#Anyway. I've been thinking about this for literal years.#I could probably do an actual deep dive with images and moments and stuff but that would require time and work 😅#there is something meek sometimes about later season Sam and Im not talking about season 6 when his memories were leeking out#or season 7 when he was going crazy#but LATER seasons#and I'm not saying he's ALWAYS like that but its a good dang chunk of time#and like#he always needs to justify his every little action (that could be perceived as a mistake) to Dean#I'm sorry for this and that#Sam Winchester#spn#Supernatural#Sam winchester analysis#sure lol#Supernatural analyse#do people cal thia meta?#spn meta#hell!sam#hell sam#Not me making an original post here every other blue moon#but hey#it's a new day all the time.
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