#I could only stare at the death screen in pure disbelief.

[m0ssanical]

So, during my first playthrough of Spearmaster, I was going through Waterfront Facility, as you do. But as I was going through the water, I noticed a very strange salamander. It wasn't just a singular salamander, it was two that got stuck together, and couldn't unstuck themselves. I was unable to take a screenshot as I was drowning, and they inevitably ate me as I could only stare in horror.

So instead, have my artistic representation of what I witnessed. The terror of conjoined Salamanders, whom worked together enough to bring me to their den.

[rookie-critic]

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022, dir. Joel Crawford) - review by Rookie-Critic

I can't believe I'm saying this, but Puss in Boots: The Last Wish is, legitimately, one of the best movies of the year. It is pure in its love for animation and easily one of the most enjoyable theater experiences I've had in 2022. I wasn't even going to see it. I haven't seen any other Puss in Boots movies or series and have only seen the first 3 Shrek films (maybe only the first 2), so I thought that would be a barrier for entry, but it absolutely isn't. You can jump headfirst into this movie knowing absolutely nothing and have a wonderful time. I've also never been the biggest fan of this particular franchise, and thought that this would be an easy skip because of that, but then reviews started pouring in and they were all overwhelmingly positive which, of course, piqued my interest. Even still, when I sat down in my seat at the theater I was skeptical; I thought I would have some fun, laugh at the jokes, and go an a quasi-entertaining adventure with a character that I didn't really care a whole lot about before now. What I ended up getting was not only an absolute laugh-riot, but an animated film that digs deep into death anxiety and has a larger narrative about found family, trust, and, as cliché as this is going to sound, the power of friendship.

The cast is great and surprisingly stacked (Salma Hayek, Florence Pugh, Olivia Colman, and John Mulaney all have major roles), but the obvious standouts are Antonio Banderas and Harvey Guillén. Banderas has been playing Puss in Boots fairly regularly since 2004, so it's no surprise he is effortlessly perfect as the character at this point, but Harvey Guillén (who you might know as the lovable Guillermo from FX's What We Do in the Shadows) really shines and holds his own as a hopeful therapy dog that Puss comes across early on in the story. They play off each other expertly and contribute to a lot of the film's funniest moments. The humor is second-to-none, with comedic timing and sequences that are some of the most cleverly written I've seen in a long time. I'm pretty sure I was either laughing or grinning ear-to-ear for most of the movie from the moment it started to the moment the credits rolled. When I wasn't laughing, I was slack-jawed and dumbfounded by either the amazing animation quality or the incredibly heartfelt story.

The animation is absolutely bonkers in this film, from CG animation that blows most other modern 3D-animated movies out of the water to stylized animation slightly akin to what we saw out of Into the Spider-Verse back in 2018. The CG, especially when it comes to the unbelievably expressive faces of the animal characters, is mind-blowing. There are times I was staring in disbelief at the screen, not because of any big major action sequence, but because Kitty Softpaws gave Puss in Boots a knowing glance that broke right through the Uncanny Valley to look almost real. Although the action sequences are nothing to scoff at, either, with changes in animation style so subtle and weaved in that you barely even notice it's different, just that it looks amazing. As far as the story goes, I really can't say anything plot-wise because I absolutely do not want to spoil this for anyone, but just know that Puss in Boots: The Last Wish got this 29-year-old to tear up. Multiple times. It's beyond beautiful and I can't heap enough praise onto the film makers and animators for creating a movie that had absolutely no right being this great.

When I got home from the theater and was talking to some friends on Discord about it, I was really trying to find anything, even one thing that I disliked. A single complaint. The only thing I could come up with was that the auto-tune on Antonio Banderas' singing in the opening musical number of the film is very noticeable. That's the worst complaint I can even think to lob at Puss in Boots: The Last Wish. This movie is incredible and everyone should see it. Full stop.

Score: 10/10

Currently only in theaters.

[sombersuniverse]

What They Died For

Where I came from, there were no growling cars or hissing factories. The lights buzzed but  they didn't showcase the blue, pink, purple splendor of the colourful lights here. There were  stars in the sky, winking and blinking at me with the confidence of a thousand suns.  Nonetheless, that was where I was, and I am more a fan of living in the present.  

There were always different stories of everyone's coming of age, some said it happened  when you were twelve, others say fifteen and yet many say eighteen. I came of age at the  ripe age of twenty-one, when the veil of blissfully soft lace that covered my eyes was ripped  away none too gently as I stared at my bank account balance in sheer dread. There was a quaint little jingle of a notification that came from my phone, my mother's message stared me in the face for a while. I couldn't help but to huff a breath of air composed of the pure element of wretched disbelief. 

"My dear daughter, you decided to quit you job since it was not making you happy, and therefore we will never be supplying you with money again." the message read, ever so proudly, on my screen. Only then did my situation dawn on me like the rising of the sun, I was completely broke. 

"Shit." 

Twenty-one was a harsh age to grow into being me as quickly and as disturbing as I did. It was not like I planned to be a bum for the rest of my life, mooching off my parents, no, I had dreams and plans. It was only then that I realized that I did nothing but let the agonizing weight of my mind's relentless whispers to, for lack of softer terms, cease to exist.  

I couldn't quite explain to my parents that my mental health was on the smellier side of dog shit though, and my anxiety turned out to be a great motivator to keep me stranded in one place rather miserably. I was always too scared to move, too scared to stay still and so I ended up standing still and tormenting myself over it. I admit that quitting my job was a hasty decision, the people were nice, everyone was nice, but the quarrels and the rush, I could not keep up and as I fell behind, I fell far. 

I ended up asking myself, 'What was a coming of age?' I drew blanks except the obvious that  it was becoming more mature and self-sustainable, but that definition didn't seem right to  me. The truth of the matter was that I was unhappy, I have been unhappy for a little over a  decade and I couldn't stand it anymore, I was so sick and tired of the icky feeling that'd  crawl out of my mind and down my arms and legs to glue me to place as I watched others  move, as I watched my friends leave me behind. I have plans, I have plans, I have plans... to  be happy. Yet I was stuck, and no one could help me if I didn't want to help myself, and for a  long while, too long of a while, I did not want to help myself.  

Then I came of age. I came of age messily, with tears rolling down my face, snot being  caught in my mouth, the prominent cracking of my heart and tearing of my mind. I came of  age with the joints of my unused limbs popping like fireworks, I came of age in the disaster  of my mental death, the death that warned me to run for my happiness, not to wait for it. I  did not mature in the way that people tend to say you should, I was immature until I started  wanting better for myself, until I thought that I deserved better. The truth was that my  mental health would probably always have mt head spinning and spiralling as if I am  airborne and freefalling with zero control and I had to decide that I wanted my dreams  more, that I wanted my happiness more. 

So, I crawled, because no one starts out walking or running. I fumbled, I stumbled, I  crumbled, and I remade myself, because creation doesn't always start from nothing.  Sometimes creation starts from the destruction of something, like how withered plants and  decayed animals help plants to grow and organisms to live. I vaguely went through the cycle  of life and evolved as I grew. Stardust fell from my lips as the shine in my eyes grew and  glowed brighter. I wasn't sure if I would make it, I wasn't sure if I could make it. Hell, some  days I stayed on the ground longer, listless and dim, flickering like a firefly close to life, close  to death. For in life there is death and in death there is life. 

At first, the city chewed me up and spit me out like curdled cheese. Nothing good ever came  easy. I lost my wallet, I lost my phone, I lost my apartments and none of my business ideas  kept afloat, perhaps that was because they weren't what I really wanted to be doing. Finally,  I got a job in a flower shop, and it became the most peaceful occurrence in my life, I had no  idea that it was only the beginning.

People say that you are a product of your upbringing, I didn't really believe that until I  realize that you as a person never stop growing, that where you have been, where you are  and where you are going will all eventually become factors that help to raise you, you never  truly stop growing until you stop yourself from being open to change. I am a product of my  upbringing. My parents began my nurturing and the people around me helped me to  progress. Everyone was like an aspect of nature and just like nature, no one was all sunshine  and rainbows, still, they helped me grow, the city was no different. 

From rude customers that were like thunderstorms, to polite coworkers who were like a  warm spring day, I just never thought that the one to impact me the most would be a  homeless woman I had bought a meal for and sat and chatted with. Of course, I was  skeptical and unsure of interacting with her at first, my prejudice kept me uneasy and  judgmental, but my sympathy moved me more. I was homeless before too; luck was just on  my side at those times. 

As I sat on the bench along with the lady, slurping up my mint chocolate shake quietly,  swinging my legs that barely grazed the floor if I pointed my toes. The lady ate quietly, and  the silence was companionable. 

"How old are you?" she whispered, frail voice catching on the 'd' of old and 'a' of are,  effectively breaking off the sounds of the letters. 

"Twenty-one."  

"Very young. Do you have a dream?"  

"I do... I'm not sure I can achieve it though." 

"Listen to me, you've got to be bigger than the self-doubt and bad thoughts. You're still  growing and twenty-one is so young. Many of your ancestors have died, despite what others  may say, it was for the happiness of the generations after them, that's what they died for,  their freedom and you. The roof isn't too far, reach for the stars and fly, chase your  happiness and dance for it, that is coming of age, fighting for what you want and believe in. 

If your dream doesn't make your heart palpitate and ache with the prospect of possibility,  what will?" the lady spoke with a soft tone that carried like a breeze, caressing fevered skin  and coaxing it to calm down, I was in awe and for the first time in a while, my heart burned  and reached a fever pitch. 

".... Thank you." was all that I could say as the lady smiled at me. 

"Ah, and now you have come of age. Your eyes have regained their sparkle of dream, like fresh honey, topsoil and molten chocolate. It's just the beginning."

[theomnicode]

One Punch Man appreciation

Now that MA arc and Garou's arc has officially finished, I just want to say...

Thank you Murata- and ONE-sensei and all their amazing assistants for giving us this amazing wild ride and thank you for your hard work and dedication. I know they are not on tumblr but I wanna say it anyway.

I only got back into OPM at roughly chapter 163 when I finished reading all the chapters and boy, did I get hooked back in. The storyline I have dissected and appreciated to death here already so...

Thanks OPM manga team for...

The absolutely stunning and gorgeous covers:

Just *cheff kiss*. The absolute goat at work. Many props to those who also helped him colour multiple cover pages.

The jaw-dropping dynamic action scenes:

The sheer movement and dynamic action is just insane.

The pure badassery:

Blast is a legit goat. Nobody can tell me otherwise. The dude's insane. But they're all just insane and Genos has the biggest balls in the universe.

The amazingly detailed visuals and scenes:

Can I just say that 165 had some crisp AF environmental detail, holy shit. They went all in on this chapter.

The insane coloured panels:

Like, seriously guys, it's just plain nutty. I've nothing else to say. Who is this man?

The holy fucking shit hype moments:

When Murata dropped an actual GIF page, I just stared at the screen in disbelief. Then Cosmic Garou's entrance was just... and Saitama Death punching Garou and ending the chapter in a cliffhanger left me vibrating for two weeks.

166 stands as my favourite chapter of all time.

The oh my fucking god what:

The sheer absurdity and insanity of it. The wtf moments.

The uh oh and ominous:

When you just get the chills.

The raw emotional moments:

There's just so many, too many to fit...

...that legit made me cry and stare at the screen in shock...

...and pained my heart and made it swell in empathy and other feels.

When Genos died, all I could think of was "oh my god if saitama arrives to the scene and sees this..." and then he did.

I think they enjoy hurting their readers. Lucky me, I love angst.

The One Punch Man:

Only in One Punch man folks, will you get a guy who kicks and moves around hyperspace gates. And sneezes away jupiter's atmosphere and farts in space.

*shocked pikachu face*

The humour and trolling:

You know the trolling and humour is legendary when it reaches meta redraw level status and transcends the manga. Half the people probably couldn't be bothered to actually read what Genos was saying and felt exactly like Saitama here.

The melancholic, happy and wholesome:

Touching and wholesome and cute moments.

My top 3 list of favourite pages from this arc:

Simply amazing. There is nothing else to say.

The sheer loneliness portrayed in this scene makes me grip my heart tightly too. I felt so much for Saitama.

The best panel obviously, is there even any doubt?

The raw, unfiltered emotions in this page is just...it's so visceral. You can feel the pain in this scene when you stare into Saitama's eyes. The guilt. The absolute shock.

One of the best panels of all time, in One Punch Man. Easily.

In addition to all that, lots and lots of cake too. And we can eat it too. Murata-sensei is the best, for thinking about us fans.

Cheers for the ongoing manga of One Punch Man! Onwards to the next saga! :D

[carlandoxlestappen]

50 million | Stiles Stilinski

Teen Wolf Drabble

Masterlist

Warning(s): the Deadpool?

Harper and Stiles were laughing and cuddling on his bed, joking back and fourth. It was rare for the teen couple to ever have a moment for themselves anymore, so they wanted to make the best out of it.

Suddenly, Harper’s phone started ringing, causing their laughter to cease as she sat up and picked it up from the nightstand, checking the see who it was before answering. “Hey Lyds, what’s up? Did you find anything new?” The girl asked, blissfully unaware to what her best friend had just found out.

“H-Harper…” Lydia stuttered, her voice cracking as she stared at the list in front of her in disbelief.

“What? Lydia, what is it? You’re starting to scare me.” Harper said, standing up nervously as her boyfriend looked at her with confusion.

“Harper…I-i know the code to the second Deadpool list,” She said, her voice trembling as she spoke.

“That’s great, Lyds! Now we can know who’s on the list and protect them!” Harper smiled, unknown to what this was going to do to her life.

“Yes, but…” Lydia gulped, knowing her friend needed to know this immediately, but she was still overwhelmed herself, and she didn’t know how Harper would react. “There’s also someone we know on the list.”

“Well, that’s even better! That way we could keep a close eye on them just in case, who is it?” She smiled widely, knowing that there was a chance they could prevent another death from happening in the town of Beacon Hills.

“Harper…It’s you.” Lydia said, and Harper could hear her heart stop as her breath hitched. This wasn’t possible, she was human, she had been with the pack since the very beginning, and nothing happened to her that could make her a supernatural or even hint towards it. And seeing as her best friends are all some kind of supernatural being, surely they would’ve sensed it in some way. But, she didn’t have a say in this, she was on the list, meaning; Harper was a supernatural being, yet they didn’t even know what the hell she was, especially as this came in surprise due to her never having any strange symptoms that could even suggest it.

“H-how much?” She asked, her voice barley above a whisper, but her best friend heard it, and so did her boyfriend. Stiles looked at her with with wide eyes as he stood up in front of her,. It didn’t take a genius to understand what the girls’ conversation was about, and the look in his girlfriend’s eyes was of pure fear.

“50 Million dollars.” Lydia said quietly, her eyes still glued to the screen as they teared up.

Harper robotically moved the phone away from her ear as she stared her forward, her eyes filling with tears begging to be shed at the new information. Not only was she on the Deadpool, she was valued even more than the fucking True Alpha and her best friend, Scott McCall himself. “What is it? What did she say?” Stiles put his hands on his girlfriend’s shoulders, gently turning her to him.

“I’m-i’m on the Deadpool…” She slowly looked at him, her eyes still wide in shock as she couldn’t find any sense in her situation. After all this time trying to figure the supernatural world, turns out that was a part of it herself, and that only made it even more impossible to understand. “For 50 Million dollars.”

[crowleesi]

Devil Doesn’t Sleep

Recommended music: Delicate Weapon - Grimes, Lizzy Wizzy

Jackie is dead.

Johnny is gone.

V feels completely alone, and seeks comfort in the only man that makes her feel alive.

Read on ao3 here!

***

Every night was the same.

Dark. Quiet. Empty.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Alt had saved her life. Two weeks since she had lost Johnny.

And every goddamn night since, she lay on her bed, unable to sleep, reliving the events that led her to where she was now. 

The fucking heist that lost V her best friend. The biochip that almost killed her. Johnny Silverhand setting up camp inside her head. The relentless fighting at Arasaka. The final encounter with Alt and Johnny in Cyberspace. All of it replayed in V's mind, over and over. Every single night, images swarmed behind her closed eyes, sounds swam around her apartment, forcing her to relive it all. 

V sighed, rolling onto her back. She looked across her empty apartment, lit only from the neon lights outside of her window. God, it was so fucking quiet.

Jackie's voice. His laugh. His dying words. The tears in his eyes and faint smile on his lips as he whispered Misty's name. The blood.

God, the blood.

She screwed her eyes shut, bringing her hands up to press her palms against her eyes.

She waited for Johnny's voice, his presence, anything - but it never came. Her hands fell to her bare chest, a heaviness squeezing her heart. She was alone. So fucking alone. A lump formed in her throat. She swallowed it down.

She felt like she'd tried everything. Any time she finally managed to drift off, she'd startle awake, shaking, sweating, struggling to catch her breath.

She was exhausted. She hadn't worked since it all happened. She'd taken it easy - Misty's advice. She'd even tried meditating, but it only allowed the scenes in her head to become clearer, the voices louder. Earlier this evening, she'd turned off all the lights, left her radio playing quietly. She'd had a long, hot shower, most of which she’d spent sitting on the floor, leaning against the tiled wall, knees pulled up to her chest. When the water ran cold, she'd reached up to shut it off and remained there, staring at the water draining away, until she was shivering and sought the comfort of a fluffy towel. 

She was trying to adjust to life without Jackie. Without Johnny. She was the first to admit he was a colossal fucking pain in the ass, but… she didn’t expect anyone to understand the relationship they’d developed. The oneness they’d shared. She felt so fucking alone without him; it was too quiet in her head now. She still had those close to her - Panam and the Aldecaldos, Judy, Kerry, Misty… and above all, she had Viktor Vektor - but none of them could ease the numbness she felt now that Johnny was gone. None of them except Viktor, at least.

She thought of the night she woke up on his table, mere hours from certain death. He could barely look at her and he was so fucking angry. He'd told her to figure her shit out, to fix it, his anger laced with worry as he’d turned his back to her with a heavy sigh. She remembered how painful the sharpness of his words were. She’d picked up the gun he’d laid out for her, slipped the pills into her pocket and glanced at him before turning away. As she'd reached the gate of the clinic, he'd said her name. Her real name. She'd turned back to him, heart in her throat, and he was leaning his clenched fists on the desk, head hung.

He'd said, "You come back to me, y'hear?" and looked up when she didn't answer. She'd limped back over to him, and he'd looked down at her with a furrowed brow and clenched jaw. She'd touched his shoulder, gently turning him to face her as he stood upright. She’d reached up to stroke his cheek, and his eyes had softened; she'd slid her hand round to the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss. He'd been stiff for a moment, before relaxing into her and bringing his large hands up to hold her face firmly against his. Vik had parted his lips and kissed her again, tilting his head a little, his mouth moving slowly and tenderly. In that moment, with V so close to death and sharing her first kiss with the man she loved, she knew she had to come back. She had to come back for him. She'd pulled away, nuzzled her nose against his, whispering a promise to return before leaving. They hadn't brought it up since.

She thought of the way he'd stared at her, wide eyed and dumbfounded, when she'd stumbled back into his clinic a few days later; free of Johnny, free of impending death, mere hours after it was all over. 

“It’s done,” She’d said, and Vik had staggered to his feet.

“The chip?”

“Gone.” 

“And you-” He’d swallowed hard. “You’re okay?” 

“Alt,” She’d said with a weary smile. “She saved me.”

Vik had nodded slowly, staring at her before dropping the equipment in his hands and rushing over to her, wrapping her up in his arms and holding her tight. He'd pressed his face into her neck, breathing shakily, mumbling against her skin that he knew she'd come back. She'd threaded her fingers through his hair, breathing him in, her heart swelling and fluttering and damn near ready to burst through her chest. He'd pulled away slightly, their noses brushing, staring at her with pure disbelief in his eyes. He'd cupped her face in his hands, parting his lips to say something when Misty had come flying in through the door, throwing herself at V's back, tears flowing freely as the three of them hugged. 

She missed the feeling of his strong arms around her, especially now as she lay alone, unable to sleep.

She reached for her phone, the background a picture of herself, Jackie, Misty and Viktor. Misty was sitting on Jackie's lap, taking the selfie with an arm stretched out to get Viktor and V behind them. V had jumped onto Vik's back, arms around his neck, grinning from ear to ear and Jackie had his eyebrow raised, a devilish smirk on his handsome face. Tears filled V's eyes and she blinked them away, gaze returning to the man in the back.

Vik.

Her thumb traced his smiling face, and before she knew what she was doing, she was opening her messages.

V: You up?

She stared at the screen, a hopefulness curling in her gut as she waited. The message appeared as 'read', but no reply came. She placed the phone face down beside her, looking over to the dreamcatcher, a gift from Misty, that hung above her bed. 

Then, a call came through on the holo. It was Viktor.

"Hey, kid." 

"Hey." She replied weakly,  sitting up, bringing her knees up to cover her bare chest. His head tilted a little.

"You all right?" His voice was gentle, laced with concern. She could see he was in his clinic, despite the late hour.

"Yeah," she said unconvincingly. "Can't sleep." She paused and he smiled sympathetically. "You workin'?"

"Had a patient come in as I was closin' up shop. Sent him on his way just now." She nods.

"Can you, uh," The words suddenly died in her throat. Was it too much to ask of him? He looked tired. She swallowed. "Can you come over?" He smiled.

"Gimme 10." He said, and V let out the breath she didn't realise she was holding.

“Thanks, Vik.” She offered him a small smile, which he returned.

“Sure thing. Be there soon.” She ended the call, breathing out slowly, looking across her apartment.

Dark. Quiet. Empty. 

She shook her head, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed, reaching for a cropped t-shirt and pulling it over her head. She picked up her cigarette case - a sleek, metallic design that Judy had gifted her - and put one between her lips, lighting the end and inhaling as she got to her feet. Leaning against her window, she blew out the smoke, trying to ignore the numb feeling curling in her gut. Vik was coming; she wouldn’t be alone for much longer. She got lost watching the neon lights outside of the megabuilding, feeling like she’d stepped outside of herself, so much so that she almost didn’t hear the buzzer ring out at her apartment door. Stubbing out her cigarette, she dropped her cigarette case on the table in front of the couch and headed over to the door, waving her hand over the sensor. Light from outside of the apartment poured in, and she squinted against it, stepping aside to let the tall figure come inside.

"Hey, sweetheart." Vik stepped in, kissing the top of her head. She closed her eyes for a moment, breathing him in, and looked up at him when he nudged her arm with a coffee cup. She gratefully accepted, thanking him with a tired smile before taking a sip, turning to head across the apartment to the sunken couch as he slipped off his jacket. His eyes trailed over the small section of her back that was visible between the bottom of her cropped t-shirt and the top of her underwear, down the gorgeous curve of her hips and her slender legs. He tore his gaze away, throwing his jacket over the back of the chair at her desk.

V settled down on the couch, sipping the coffee, humming as the deliciously warm liquid slid down to her stomach. Vik sat beside her, one leg tucked under the other to face her as he lay his arm across the back of the couch. She fought the urge to reach out and grab his hand, instead taking another sip of her coffee.

"So,” He said gently. “What’s goin’ on?” He waited patiently as she set her coffee down on the table and picked up her cigarette case, pulling one out and sticking it between her lips. She held the case out to Vik and he took one, leaning in when V flicked the lighter and held it out to him. She lit her own, inhaled deeply and blew out the smoke, leaning her elbow on the back of the couch and resting her head on her hand.

"I don't know how to move on from any of this." She says finally. "I miss him." She takes another drag of her cigarette.

"Jackie?" Vik asks, and V shakes her head.

"I mean, yes," She says, blowing out the smoke. "Of course I miss him."

"So… you mean Johnny?" V nods.

"He was a part of me, Vik," She says, almost pleading for him to understand. "He was always with me and now that he's gone, I-" she cuts herself off, a lump forming in her throat.

She takes a drag of her cigarette, hand shaking as she pulls it away and squeezes the bridge of her nose with her fingers. He laid his hand gently on her arm, an anchor, and she leaned into his touch.

"I can't explain the connection we had." She says. "It's like we were one person, y'know?" Vik nods. "He was a fuckin' asshole. God, he was infuriating,” She smiled sadly. “But… we understood each other, I think. He fought for me, in the end. Made sure Alt fixed me and sent me back in one piece." She leaned over to stub her cigarette out in the ashtray, sighing as she sat back on the couch.

“I feel so... lonely,” She says quietly, and Vik tilts his head to the side a little. “It’s so quiet without him. And then I think about Jackie-" Her voice cracks, then, and she swallows the lump in her throat, tears filling her eyes.

“Hey,” Vik discards his cigarette before shuffling closer and pulling her legs over his lap, reaching a hand up to stroke her hair. “It’s okay, V.”

She can’t bring herself to look at him. She’d never allowed herself to cry in front of anyone - not at Jackie’s ofrenda, and not after Panam had dropped her off at Vik's clinic, when it was all over; even then she hadn't cried. She'd just let herself get lost in the safety of his embrace, breathing him in. It wasn't until she'd gone home later that night that the gravity of it all hit her like a ton of fucking bricks and she'd broken down, crying like she'd never cried in her life. All of the grief she'd held inside poured out of her, and she’d cried until her throat was raw, her eyes were sore and she was heaving into the toilet.

“Jackie was family.” She whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek. She quickly wipes it away, staring across the apartment. “And I-” She screwed her eyes shut, bringing a hand up to cover her face, silently begging for the images to get out of her head. “I watched him die.” Vik clenched his jaw, gently running his knuckles over her tear stained cheek.

“Sometimes it feels like everything is just… pressing down so hard on my chest,” She said, gesturing to herself. “And I can barely breathe, and,” She paused, voice shaking. She inhaled sharply, letting out a shuddering breath and whispered, “It’s fucking unbearable.”

Vik remained quiet, watching her, brow furrowed in concern as he held her knees against his chest. She took a deep breath, the heaviness clutching her heart forcing the lump straight back into her throat again. Her bottom lip was quivering, and she sniffed, wiping her eyes.

“But then there’s you,” She said suddenly, looking down at the floor and Vik’s hand hesitates on her cheek for a moment. “The only person that makes me feel like I can take a fucking breath.” He considered her for a moment, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"What are you saying?" He asked tentatively, and V looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes.

"I'm saying that if I lost you too, that's just not something I could fucking survive, Vik." 

"V," he whispered, thumb tracing her jaw. "I ain't goin' anywhere." She leans into his touch, closing her eyes and reaching up with both hands to cup his own. A warmth enveloped her heart, then, and she sighed, letting her breathing return to normal. 

"Stay with me?" She asked, opening her eyes. He smiled, pulling her hands towards his lips. He kissed her knuckles, stroking them with his thumbs.

“Of course.” She watched him for a moment, before a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips and she thanked him as she got to her feet.

"I'll be back in a sec." She said, squeezing his hand before letting go. "Make yourself comfortable." She gestured to her bed and headed to the bathroom. She leaned against the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. For a moment, she half expected Johnny to appear behind her, and something twisted in her gut at the thought. She sighed, turning on the faucet and cupping her hands underneath the water. She leaned down, splashing the water over her face and around her neck, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.

Johnny’s gone, she told herself. He’s not coming back.

V grabbed a towel, patting her face and neck, glancing one more time at the mirror before tossing the towel down and switching off the light, heading out of the bathroom. Stepping back into the dark space that didn’t feel so empty anymore, she looked over to find Vik sitting on the edge of her bed, resting his arms on his knees, looking out of the window. His shoes sat on the floor beside him, his shirt and tank top folded up on top. She’d never seen him without his signature ripperdoc attire, and swallowed at the sight of his bare chest, broad and firm and thoroughly inviting. His boxing glove necklace hung over his clavicle, the light from outside bouncing off of the golden charm.

She stood in front of him, and Vik looked up at her, his stomach in knots. Fuck, he thought. She’s so beautiful. Her long, dark hair hung over her shoulder in messy waves; the cropped white t-shirt she wore hugged her chest, exposing her navel, and the sight of soft skin disappearing underneath lacy underwear left his head spinning. The lights of Night City cast a blue hue over her dark apartment, with pink neon lighting the side of her body, caressing every curve of her gorgeous form.

"There she is," he said quietly, shuffling back a little and holding out his hand. "C'mere, sweetheart." V positively fucking melted as she took his hand, allowing him to guide her down as she knelt either side of his hips, straddling his lap. She sat back on his knees, hands tentatively on his chest, and his large hands gently stroked the small of her back.

"I'm gonna be with you through it all, all right?" He said, and she slid her hands up around his neck, resting her arms lazily over his shoulders, fingers stroking the hair at the top of his neck. "However long it takes, whatever it takes. You don't have to do this alone."

V suddenly thought of their first kiss - their only kiss - and wondered how the hell two weeks had passed since she felt his lips against her own. Her heart was swelling in her chest at his earnest words, and sighed, the love she had for him filling her up and forcing every negative thought out of her head.

"Vik, I-" She cut herself off, unable to tear her eyes away from his own. He smiled, warm and genuine and full of love. She slid a hand around to cup his cheek, tracing her thumb over his lips, and he turned his face into her hand, kissing her palm. Her heart absolutely soared.

"I…" She said again, and he looked up at her. She'd never said the words. He waited patiently, hands sliding round to her thighs, stroking the soft skin gently. V found herself leaning in, nuzzling his nose with her own, a gorgeous smile lighting up his face as she pressed her lips against his. God, she wished she could stay here, like this, forever. Nothing had ever felt so right in her entire life. She felt the grief, the pain, all of it wash away with every brush of his lips against her own.

She pulled away suddenly, throwing caution to the wind.

"I love you." He pulled back, considered her, and said nothing. Her cheeks flushed and she was just about ready for the ground to swallow her whole, when he chuckled.

"Well, I'll be damned," he said, and she smiled nervously. "I love you, too, V."

She heaved a sigh of relief, dropping her head onto his shoulder as he laughed - a truly glorious sound - and wrapped his arms around her back.

"How could I not, hm?" He said, and she sat back. He tucked her hair behind her ear, pulling her in for another kiss, running his thumb across her jaw. It was a sweet kiss - slow, soft, loving. Vik pulled away, smiling up at her, and kissed her once more.

"Waddya say we try to get some sleep?" He asked, and V nodded.

"Okay." He scooted back on the bed, one arm wrapped around V's middle, bringing her with him as he clumsily laid back. She couldn't help the giggle that escaped her lips, a sound that made Vik's heart positively fucking ache with adoration. They settled on the pillows, facing each other, and Vik's glasses tilted off his nose. V tentatively pulled them away from his face, breath hitching in her throat when she was met with a sea of gorgeous turquoise. She’d never seen him without his glasses before, and reached blindly behind her to set his glasses on top of his clothes. She traced the outline of his face, her gaze locked onto his eyes, and smiled.

"You're beautiful." She said suddenly, and Vik laughed, his cheeks turning a delicate shade of pink. "Viktor Vektor, are you blushing?" He snorted as he buried his face into the pillow. V couldn't help but grin, and the ripperdoc's eyes returned to her own, cracking a smile that made her dizzy.

"Not somethin' I've ever been told," he said, and V smiled, running her fingers through his hair. Vik watched her, his hand absentmindedly stroking her hip. Her eyes soon grew tired, and she shuffled closer to him, burying her face into his chest, tangling her legs with his own. He wrapped her up in his arms, stroking her hair.

"Feelin' any better?" He asked quietly, and felt her nod, humming against his chest. She yawned, and he smiled, kissing the top of her head.

“Night, sweetheart.”

[disaster-ace-is-me]

evermore lyrics that hit different

what’s up y’all i made a list of specific lyrics from taylor swift’s evermore album that really hit different for me because i just want everyone to focus on them for a bit :) (i originally wasn’t going to post this but now i’m working on analyses for the album and posting this helps me with that and might give y’all insight to what’s already going on in my brain when i hear these songs)

*pretty much the entire song

“champagne problems”:

“Your heart was glass, I dropped it”

“‘This dorm was once a madhouse’/I made a joke, ‘Well, it’s made for me’”

“How evergreen, our group of friends/Don’t think we’ll say that word again”

“I never was ready, so I watch you go”

“‘She would’ve made such a lovely bride/What a shame she’s fucked in the head,’ they said”

“gold rush”:

“I don’t like that falling feels like flying till the bone crush”

“And then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/’Cause it could never be”

“I can’t dare to dream about you anymore”

“And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it”

“’tis the damn season”:

“It’s the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass/But I felt it when I passed you”

“And the road not taken looks real good now/And it always leads to you and my hometown”

“I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave?”

“Time flies, messy as the mud on your truck tires/Now, I’m missing your smile, hear me out”

“And wonder about the only soul/Who can tell which smiles I’m faking”

“And the heart I know I’m breaking is my own/To leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known”

“tolerate it”*:

“I sit and watch you/I notice everything you do or don’t do/You’re so much older and wiser and I”

“I wait by the door like I’m just a kid/Use my best colors for you portrait”

“If it’s all in my head, tell me now/Tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow”

“I know my love should be celebrated/But you tolerate it”

“I take your indiscretions all in good fun/I sit and listen/I polish plates until they gleam and glisten”

“Where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire?”

“I made you my temple, my mural, my sky/Now I’m begging for footnotes in the story of you life/Drawing hearts in the byline”

“Always taking up too much space or time”

“You assume I’m fine, but what would you do if I/Break free and left us in ruins?/Took this dagger in me and removed it?/Gain the weight of you then lose it?”

“happiness”*:

“All the years I’ve given/Is just shit we’re dividing up”

“I was dancing when the music stopped/And in the disbelief, I can’t face reinvention”

“Past the curses and cries/Beyond the terror in the nightfall”

“Haunted by the look in my eyes/That would’ve loved you for a lifetime/Leave it all behind”

“Tell me, when did your winning smile/Begin to look like a smirk?/When did all our lessons start to look like weapons/Pointed at my deepest hurt?”

“Sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury”

“There is a glorious sunrise/Dappled with the flickers of light/From the dress I wore at midnight/Leave it all behind”

“I can’t make it go away by making you a villain”

“And I pulled your body into mine/Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties”

“No one teaches you what to do/When a good man hurts you/And you know you hurt him too”

“But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head”

“After giving you the best I had/Tell me what to give after that/All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness”

“dorothea”*:

“Hey, Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me?/When we were younger down in the park/Honey, making a lark of the misery”

“You got shiny friends since you left town/A tiny screen’s the only place I see you now/And I got nothing but well wishes for ya”

“You know that you’ll always know me, Dorothea”

“From you, I’d buy anything”

“Hey, Dorothea, do you ever stop and think about me?/When it was calmer skipping the prom just to piss off your mom and her pageant schemes”

“But are you still the same soul I met under the bleachers?/Well I guess I’ll never know/And you’ll go on with the show”

“coney island”:

“If I can’t relate to you anymore/Then who am I related to?”

“Disappointments, close your eyes/And it gets colder and colder/As the sun goes down”

“What’s a lifetime of achievement/If I pushed you to the edge?”

“Will you forgive my soul/When you’re too wise to trust me and too old to care?”

“And when I got into the accident/The sight that flashed before me was your face/But when I walked up to the podium, I think that I forgot to say your name”

“ivy”:

“I just sit here and wait/Grieving for the living”

“Oh, goddamn/My pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand”

“So, yeah/It’s a fire/It’s a goddamn blaze in the dark/And you started it”

“long story short”:

“Fatefully/I tried to pick my battles till the battle picked me”

“I was in the alley surrounded on all sides/The knife cuts both ways/If the shoe fits, walk in it till your high heels break”

“And I fell from the pedestal/Right down the rabbit hole/Long story short, it was a bad time”

“Past me/I wanna tell you not to get caught up in these petty things”

“marjorie”*:

“Never be so kind/You forget to be clever/Never be so clever/You forget to be kind”

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were still around”

“What died didn’t stay dead/You’re alive, you’re alive in my head”

“Never be so polite/You forget you power/Never wield such power/You forget to be polite”

“And if I didn’t know better/I’d think you were listening to me now”

“You loved the amber skies so much”

“I should’ve asked you questions”

“Should’ve kept every grocery store receipt/’Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me”

“All your closets of backlogged dreams/And how you left them all to me”

“evermore”*:

“Gray November/I’ve been down since July”

“I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone/Trying to find the one where I went wrong/Writing letters/Addressed to the fire”

“And I couldn’t be sure/I had a feeling so peculiar/That this pain would be for/Evermore”

“Hey, December/Guess I’m feeling unmoored/Can’t remember/What I used to fight for”

“Barefoot in the wildest winter/Catching my death”

“Can’t not think of all the cost/And the things that will be lost”

“I’m on waves, out being tossed”

“In the cracks of light/I dreamed of you/It was real enough/To get me through”

“right where you left me”*:

“I, I swear you could hear a hair pin drop/Right when I felt the moment stop”

“Everybody moved on I, I stayed there/Dust collected on my pinned-up hair/They expected me to find somewhere/Some perspective, but I sat and stared/Right where you left me”

“She’s still twenty-three inside her fantasy”

“Did you hear about the girl who lives in delusion?”

“But I’m unaware/’Cause I’m right where I cause no harm/Mind my business/If our love died young/I can’t bear to witness/And it’s been so long”

“it’s time to go”*:

“When the words of a sister come back in whispers/That prove she was not in fact what she seemed”

“That old familiar body ache/The snaps from the same little break in your soul/You know when it’s time to go”

“We’re trying to stay for the kids/When keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse”

“Sometimes giving up is the strong thing/Sometimes to run is the brave thing/Sometimes walking out is the one thing/That will find you the right thing”

“Begging till my knees bled/I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all/Then wondered why I left”

“He’s got my past frozen behind glass/But I’ve got me”

“You know/When it’s time to go/So then you go”

[plush-rabbit]

Can I Ask You Something?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |

You’re in the middle of getting ready, a brush in hand when you freeze. Your ears burn with embarrassment and disbelief- you really had talked to some random stranger on the internet and offered your number to them! And if that wasn’t the worst part, you don’t even know what they looked like, or even know their name! And you told them your name! And even gave them your phone number! You bury your face in your hands and let out a pitiful groan. God, you were always so open and vulnerable when you were half-asleep but this just takes the cake.

“I did want more friends,” you muttered to yourself. “Plus he doesn’t seem too creepy. Maybe he’s just insecure or something with his appearance. Maybe it’s a quirk thing.” You try to reason to yourself, your words not holding much conviction and a swarm of butterflies beginning to form in your stomach, swirling and making you nauseous with anxiety.

You glance at your phone and check your messages. You had received no new messages and the part of you that craved acceptance was disappointed, your ego hurt and the sick feeling of shame taking over.

“Maybe this is for the best, I don’t even know his name,” your voice was quiet and unsure. You tried to convince yourself, the butterflies that began to flutter last night were now a rampaging swarm that made you feel like they would burst out at any second and all your anxieties and fears would consume and feast on your broken body.

Your eyes grew wide and you covered your head. Broken gasps left you, everything too hot all of a sudden, the clothes on you were no longer fresh and left you feeling like an imposter wearing your skin, that the minute you would walk out of the comfort of your own home, you would be mocked and laughed at. You were finding it harder to breathe and you clawing at your chest through your clothes, tears burning in the corners of your eyes. As your vision began to blur, your chest heaving and heart pumping that you felt it would burst out, you phone vibrated against the counter, a loud, invading buzz making you flinch. Rising on shaky legs, you picked up your phone and wiped a clammy hand down the side of your jeans, the scratchy feeling bringing you back to reality. You forced yourself to look at the screen, desperate for any kind of distraction, for the heaviness in your chest to lighten.

Your vision blurred and tears made their way down your face. With the back of your hand, you wiped them away, sniffling and shook your free hand. You focused on where a notification had appeared on the lock screen, an unregistered number popping up with a simple message of ‘hello’. And with a sense of focus, everything felt a bit more breathable. You cleared your throat, forced back the lump in your throat and opened the new message.

It took you a moment to register who it was. You could only guess that it was him, you really couldn’t remember giving your number out to other strangers. You snorted and shook your head. Fingers danced over the screen, typing out your reply, a shaky smile already forming on your lips.

You:

{Look at you messaging me first. Never thought I’d see the day:’)}

You waited with bated breath, going through other options of how you could have replied him before shaking your head- that was probably one of the better ways to respond to him- he was sarcastic, you could be playful and tease him and the former would just throw an insult your way or deflect the question. With breaths finally returning to normal, took a deep breath and went to prepare yourself a sandwich before you ventured off.

You returned to a silent phone, the message marked with “Read” and you cleared your throat. You saved his number under his nickname.

You tried to relax yourself, that while he had a very strong idea of who you were and that it wouldn’t be all that difficult to find who you are, there was no real danger to who you were talking to. The bread underneath your fingertips was indented. You’d be fine in the end. You were just overreacting. In the middle of a bite, your phone buzzed, the message icon displaying across the upper screen.

Toma:

[I already regret this]

You quickly typed out a message, not wanting to lose this playful banter. At least it was playful to you. He was already hard to read when you’d hear his voice, but now that it through pure text, you had no idea what his tone was, what he really could be thinking and what he actually wanted to say before being deleted and retyped.

You:

{And yet you still reply:P}

You thought it was best to skip over the pleasantries, figuring out that he probably didn’t want to talk about how he slept or hearing of the weird dreams that you had that night. No, he seemed more like the type to get to the point, to just say what he’s thinking and act impulsively, not thinking about the repercussions or perhaps not even caring about them if there were any.

Toma:

[Getting your number was a mistake]

You let out a laugh. The feeling In your stomach had already been muted by your lunch, but now it seemed to rise up, wanting to remind you that your anxieties still had you on a tight leash, one that choked you and beg for air.

You:

{So how come you messaged me first??}

{I don’t mind it!! I had a fun time last night:) But I didn’t think you did, which is fine but you could’ve not messaged me}

{Sooo,,, I don’t know where I’m going with this://}

Shigaraki stared at the screen, his upper lip curled into a sneer and red eyes in narrowed slits. If he were to be honest, he had only messaged you because he was bored. It had been a particularly slow day at the League, plans having been changed to another day, meetings having already been done earlier and it was a rare for them to get a day where they had it to themselves- where they didn’t need to plan or worry about if this would be their last day on this miserable planet.

But that rare moment of peace never extended to him. Shigaraki always had to plan. He had to be one step ahead of everyone- he can’t risk a day, an hour, a minute- he had to go over everything until he was sure there were no faults in his plans. Yet, on this day, his head was foggy, muddled with insecurities he wouldn’t dare speak out, and starting to hurt with a combination from lack of sleep and staring at the same plans that constantly shifted, always finding a flaw.

His hands were clasped in front of him, fingers massaging into his skin. His eyes slowly closed and he released a long exhale. His skin itched and burned and his patience was already wearing thin.  Red eyes leer at the phone that sits on his desk, screen black and silent.

The phone was almost always silent, only used for a few messages that were sent to him by members of the League or notifications of mobile games. However, his phone now buzzes with your messages, with mundane conversations as if you were talking to an old friend. You talk to him as if he were an ordinary person who had a family and didn’t risk his life by his mere existence.

Yet, that wasn’t who he was. He was a killer, one of Japan’s most wanted, someone who could and would kill you with just a touch of his hand. As far as you were concerned, he wasn’t any of that. He doesn’t know what compels him to message you, he knows he doesn’t want a slice of normalcy, he has a dream and the will to do it and you were just going to be a distraction, a small weight tying him down. He shakes his head and types a message to you, the words disappearing and reappearing as he figures out what to say, and a small part of him, one that he will deny even in death, wants you to reply back to him, wants to have a small distraction for a second even if it’s from someone that doesn’t know who he truly is.

Toma:

[I was bored]

He doesn’t have to wait long for your reply, you come eager and begging for his attention, trying to hold on it.

You:

{Yeah, that’s valid}

{What are you up to?}

He wonders if you really are interested in what he’s doing or it it’s courtesy that you’ve extended to him. He bites down on his lip, gnawing on it until it stings as he reads your words. He reasons to himself that there really is no harm in talking to you- this friendship that you’ve made up in your mind won’t go on longer for a month, it’ll stay purely through messaging until one of you grows bored and then you would both part ways- you would go on to live an ordinary life and he would change the world or die trying. But death was never going to be an option for him- he’d bare his teeth and bite until blood was flowing before he would die.

He was aware that he when he messaged, he wasn’t the most expressive person, his replies often one-worded and blunt and even though you messaged him with what he felt was full enthusiasm and adding emoticons, he was going to stick to his messaging style.

Shigaraki let out another sigh. He just wanted to take a break from his notes, for just a second. But he couldn’t shake off your question. Why had he messaged you? Was it simply to feel a bit of normalcy? Last night, you were the one to give him your number, he hadn’t exchanged his so he could have easily not have messaged you. But he was bored and exhausted from finding a flaw in every plan, angry dark marks etched on the paper, balls of crumbled up paper littering the floor, and broken pencils. He clears his throat. He just wanted a second of mindless distraction.

He ponders if he should actually tell you what he really is doing, he wonders if you’d take him seriously or if you’d think he was joking and play along. But he can’t risk it. Not unless he could dispose of you right away. The chair creaks as he leans back on it, staring at your message, he makes something up- a simple mundane task that everyone does.

Toma:

[Grocery shopping]

On the other side of the screen, you perked up. Messaging wasn’t always your strongest suit, you had enough trouble reading people’s intentions and tone when you were face to face to face with them. But to add a screen in between the parties with no tone control, just words that could have been spoken in a number of ways, it made you nervous. You were always left wondering if the other people on the side of screen had wanted to stop the conversation, if your sarcasm was reached over with the help of an emoticon or if the messaged had made you seem like stuck-up.

Messaging with the stranger that you had met online certainly didn’t help ease your worries. He was always harsh when you two would play. There was always a hint of annoyance, a backhanded compliment tossed at you every now and then, a snide remark when someone would mess up. It was easy to say that he wasn’t the nicest and yet, you still offered to message him, to talk to him more and reach out a hand towards him. And he took your hand. You didn’t want this acquaintanceship to die of so quickly, you didn’t want to read every word he sent you through scrutinizing eyes, you just wanted to talk to him for a bit.

“Just don’t overthink it. Don’t be so weird about it,” you told yourself, letting out a breath.

You:

Oh, that’s neat! What are you getting?

I need to go shopping soon. My snack stash is running low:(((

The sandwich at the table looked unappetizing. You were so awful at making conversation it was almost funny. Almost.

The phone buzzed against the table; the loud, shrill noise making you cringe and gulp down the last bits of your drink.

Toma

[Snack stash?]

He was dodging the question. The innate want of wanting to pry bubbled up but you were aware that it was an odd thing to ask why a person wanted to avoid such a simple question so you buried the feeling down. There was no point in making a mountain out a mole hill.

You:

{Yeah, a stash with all my favorite snacks}

{I don’t like going out too often so I always make sure that I have plenty of snacks to last me a while}

{Plus it’s good practice for self-control lmao}

His replies stopped shortly after that. Your fingers nervously tapped on the counter as you waited, perking up when your phone buzzed but deflating when it was another notification. You shook your head. You didn’t want to be so caught up on messaging one person. You shouldn’t get your feelings hurt over something so trivial. You wanted to believe those words but it was hard to. You didn’t know why he had such an effect on you; it wasn’t like you’ve seen his face or had an actual conversation with him. But the thought of the potential friendship was nice.

A low groan was held in the back of your throat. Your hands raided the pantry, pulling out bags of chips that contained crumbs, crackers, a box with one packet of fruit gummies. Your shoulders drooped and you glanced at your phone once more. You glanced out the window and clicked your tongue.

It wasn’t too late. There was still a bit of daylight out, the streetlights illuminating the streets with a soft orange glow. “I need more snacks,” you whispered to yourself, your hand touching your stomach and clenching the fabric of your shirt.

Leaves crunched under your foot, weeds in between cracks flattening and blowing with what little breeze was out. The sun was setting casting the city is a deep orange and pink glow. It wasn’t a long walk from where you lived to the nearest convenience store, your bag bounced against your hip as  you walked, your phone placed inside to keep from falling out of your back pocket. The wind rustled your hair, a fresh breeze that cooled you down from the humidity in the air.

You had your head in the clouds, making a mental check list on the things you needed. You clicked your tongue, pulling a sour face and regretting that you didn’t properly check your cabinets before you left. However, when you were at your apartment, you were busy thinking about other things- or rather someone else. You started thinking about your new online friend for what must’ve been an unhealthy amount of times in the time that you’ve known him. You wanted to know more about him but you knew that if you pushed he would’ve retreated. You had a forlorn look on your face as you thought about what you could do to improve the friendship between the both of you but you felt sick about forcing him into a friendship that he didn’t want.

A bell interrupted your thoughts as you entered the store. The cold air from the air conditioner provided you relief from the outside. The cashier welcomed you, meeting your eyes for a brief second before they continued their transaction with an already existing customer. There was a current pop song playing low in the speakers, the lyrics filling your mind and pushing out any other thoughts. You smiled back at them, waving your hand before grabbing a plastic basket and walking in between the aisles, your hands picking things up and dropping them in the basket.

You made your way to the back of the store, the chill air coming from the freezers making the hair on your arms stand on their ends. Your eyes analyzed the doors, looking for any other treats you’d might like, frost creeping from edges of the door to the center. Plastic snowflakes and little stickers of soda bottles and tubs of ice cream with smiling faces decorated the frosty doors.

You licked your lips and looked down at your full basket. You shook your head and decided to get the frozen treats, opting to walk quickly back home so the treats wouldn’t freeze. The condensation expels from the door, your eyes narrowing as it stings you.

There’s movement in the corner of your eyes and you see a figure standing a door away from you. Their back was hunched and a hand was placed on their chin, eyes scanning the chilled food that laid inside. His eyes made eye contact and you smiled nervously, quickly returning your gaze and grabbing the ice pops inside. You scurried off to the register, hand clutching the handle of the bag tight.

The cashier made small talk with you, commenting about the day and scanning the items and placing them in a plastic bag. You heard steps approach behind you and handed the cashier the money, telling them thank you and to have a good day.

Dark clouds covered the sky, a chill wind has replaced the humidity, and you begin your trek back home. You smile at passing people, the bags heavy in your hands there’s a fear that they’ll rip from the handles before you reach your place. Cars drive past you, yellow and white lights illuminating you for a second and casting shadows that stretch across the concrete.

A large shadow appears behind you, overtaking your own shadow and it stills when you pause in your steps. You straighten your back and turn around, eyes widening for a split second before you smile at the man behind you.

He’s lanky and tall, limbs look a bit too long and he has short cropped hair. He smiles back at you and it sends a chill down your spine. He’s the same guy from the freezer aisle. You notice there’s less people around, the cars passing by in fewer numbers and you speed our pace. Thunder cracks overhead and the smell of rain fills the air. The steps behind you quicken. Your jaw tightens and you try to force yourself to relax. The odds of being interrupted in your commute are low. It’s about to rain so maybe they’re just running for cover.

“Hi!” His voice is cheery and eyes are wide. “Listen, I saw you in the store.” His hands are moving as he talks and he matches your pace. He either fails to notice the look of discomfort on your face or he simply doesn’t care. You glance around trying to find someone who could help you but the streets are empty, wind rustles and picks up fallen leaves making them dance in the wind. He babbles on, pausing when you do and he shoves his hands in his pocket but his arms are still moving.

“I-uh, listen,” you try to interject but he continues to talk, his voice speaking over yours and it makes you bite the inside of your cheeks. “Listen, I have to go home.” You say firmly, and turn away from the man. You walk away, your feet hurting from the hard stomps on the concrete.

His voice begins to call out to you, and he tells you to wait up but you continue your walk not wanting to look back and it begins to mist. You feel your skin begin to crawl. He stills calls behind you, and you bags in our hand begin to grow heavier. There’s a passing thought that your ice pops might melt. You feel as if you’ve been walking forever, your legs growing tired and chest lacking air, your body heats up and the sound of the thunder covers the man’s voice.

There’s a sharp tug on your elbow, the plastic bags bounce around and hit your thigh. You rip your arm free and the man’s face grows twisted and eyes darken to an amber hue. “Listen, I just wanted to ask for your number,” his tone is annoyed and eyes roll, “but now that you’re acting—”

“Okay! Bye!” You shout, and tug your arm free. You walk away from him quick, the bags slap against you and you just want to head home already.

-

You walk into your apartment, kicking your shoes off and dropping the bags on the floor in the kitchen. You quickly shove the ice pops into the freezer, opting to check their condition later.

Your elbow burns at where you were touched. You gingerly touch the crease of your elbow, fingertips feeling as if they’re touching something that doesn’t belong. You shake your head. You grab a paper towel and wipe your face; the mist from the rain has left your feeling icky and uncomfortable wet.

You grab a pack of sweets from the bag, choosing to put everything away later. Your bag is tossed onto the coffee table falling with a dull thud. You flop onto the couch, the sweets tasting sour on your tongue. It slides down heavy in your throat and you toss the bag on the coffee table.

You think back to what the man had said. He grabs your arm and chases you down from the convenience store because he wanted your number. Bile rises in the back of your throat and you grip your shirt into clumps. You can still feel the clamminess of his hand on your elbow. You swipe it away with a rough drag of your hand.

“I basically did the same thing with Toma,” you whisper to yourself. “Granted it wasn’t as rough but you still bothered him enough.” Your face shines a bright red that burns your face.

You sigh and close your eyes, furrowing your eyebrows together and opening them up when your phone buzzes in your bag. You turn to face it and with lazy movements, you pull it out and glance at the notification. Tomaraki’s name pops up. A smile forms on your face before you smother it down feeling guilty. You click on his notification and his messages fill the screen.

Toma:

[Just do whatever you want]

[Its snacks who gives a fuck]

You:

{Yeah, you’re right}

{Hey, I’m feeling kind of shitty, message me later if ya want}

You don’t have the energy or clear mind to continue a conversation with him and you didn’t want to waste his time if he was busy or something. You laid back on the couch, placing the phone on your chest and you thought that maybe if you fell asleep, you’d wake up feeling better.

“Nothing bad happened to you, just a comment that sounded bad,” you thought to yourself, hands clenching your shirt above your stomach. Your eyes grew heavy and you could feel yourself slipping into a nap when the phone buzzes on your chest. You groan and check the phone, squinting your eyes at the light.

Toma:

[Fine]

You frown and feel worse- the sinking feeling in your stomach grows heavier. What if he thought that you were mad at him because he replied late? What if he thought that you didn’t want to talk to him anymore? Oh god. You really hated overthinking. Your covers your eyes with the balls of your hands, colors pop behind your closed eyelids.

You:

{I just had a shitty encounter is all, I’ll feel better after I nap}

{Message me in like an hour if you want:P}

Shigaraki stares at his phone annoyance. He hadn’t asked for an explanation but he did feel a bit more at ease. From the few conversations that you have had with him, you had always seemed rather chipper, like an excitable pup, albeit a bit awkward but you never really seemed to be in a bad mood. A part of him wanted to know what happened and he knew that if he asked, you would tell him.

Toma:

[What happened?]

Your eyes furrowed at the message. You wanted to tell him but it’s not like it was a big deal, it was just uncomfortable and the aftereffects are what made you more upset than anything else.

You:

[I’ll tell you if you call me lmao]

You groaned immediately after sending that message. However, you reasoned to yourself that he wouldn’t call you- he barely wanted to have a video chat with you.

-

In the make-shift living room, where Shigaraki sat with the other members, he stared at his phone glancing around at everyone and humming when they were engrossed in their activities. Dabi Mr. Compress, Twice and Spinner were playing a game of cards, a stench of smoke filling the air, while Toga was painting her nails, blowing on them gently and snickering when she looks at Dabi’s cards, a harsh shush and sparks flying from his mouth.

Looking back down at his phone, Shigaraki stood up and made his way towards his living room, waving his hand when Toga yelled goodnight. He locks the door behind him and sat on the chair in his bedroom. He stares at your message, unblinking and deciding “screw it”, as he pushes the call button. The call rang for a moment too long and for a second he thought it was going to go to voicemail. And then he heard your voice.

“Hello?” You sound puzzled.

“What happened?” He decides to get to the point.

“Oh!” You could feel embarrassment flood your face. You laugh nervously and it cuts off too soon. “It isn’t- It’s not anything big. It-it’s dumb. It’s not like anything happened, it’s just me being stupid like always, ha,” you giggled nervously, your voice trailing off towards the end. “It really isn’t anything big. It was just a weird thing.” He can hear your nervousness through the phone, you sound out of breath and he hears fabric rustling in the background.

“Tell me.” He’s losing his patience. Why bother to tease him something and then not even commit to telling him?

You sighed into the phone, and you rationalized to yourself that he wouldn’t care. That maybe afterwards you two could talk about something else and that you’d forget the whole thing that wasn’t really a thing. But even that thought weighs you down.

You let out a shaky breath; your voice is low and hesitant. “So, I was running low on snacks, right? And I went to the closest convenience store which is like fifteen minutes by foot. And like, I buy my things and like when I’m walking home a guy keeps trying to talk to me and I’m just uncomfortable and I walk away and then he grabs my elbow and he like basically wanted my number and—” a lump grows in your throat— “Why do you keep talking to me? You don’t have to. I don’t want it to be like I’m forcing you to talk to me. I’m sure you’re busy with other things and I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me.” You bite down on your lip, gnawing on it till you feel the raw flesh sting. “I’m being dumb again.” You bite down on the raw spot on your lip, feeling a faint metallic taste linger on your lips. “Sorry for wasting your time.”

He’s at a loss for words. He’s tongue flicks out and licks his chapped lips. He’s silent for a while, eyes darting around the room hoping to find an answer hidden in there. “That’s dumb.” His reply is harsh.

“What part?” You whisper, tracing the edge of the phone with your finger.

“I’m still talking to you, aren’t I? If I didn’t want to talk to you I wouldn’t have fucking called or even messaged you,” he snaps. He grits his teeth and a free hand scratches his neck, dull red lines appearing and growing brighter until it stings. “It’s fucking dumb of you to ask.”

You swallow the lump in your throat and the sick feeling in your stomach has begun to lessen. “I just didn’t want it to be like I was twisting your arm is all,” you chuckle dryly.

“Well you’re not,” he huffed.

“Thanks. For like the confirmation,” you speak softly, curling in on yourself on the torture. “It uh, it means a lot.”

He scoffs into the receiver. The hands on his neck have stopped scratching; his fingertips rub at the sore spots. His chest tightens and he tells you to shut up.

“No, no. I mean it. I know it’s dumb but it just- I appreciate knowing that you aren’t like being forced to talk to me. I know I probably came off too strong and maybe you felt like you had to say yes so I like knowing that you aren’t forced to talk to me,” you ramble, ears tinged red.

His hands twitch and nails scratch at the wounds. He hisses in pain and teeth grit, his opens into a palm and he applies pressure to his neck.

“Are you okay?” You voice is frantic and you rise from your position. “Toma, you good?”

He hesitates for a second. “Yeah, I’m fine.” His eyes scan the room. “I hit my knee on my desk.”

“Ouch. I have this coffee table that I keep bumping into so it has a bunch of dents and chipped off paint but it really ties in the room together so the pain is worth it.” The lump in your throat has disappeared and you reach over to grab the bag of sweets, popping one in your mouth as you speak. “I think I might get those like baby proof things.” You crinkle the bag in your hand and take a deep breath. “Can you tell me about your day?” Your voice is soft and he can hear plastic in the background.

“Why?”

“I told you about my day,” you shrug. “Plus, I just want to hear your voice for a little while.” You snuggled deeper into the couch, curling in on yourself, and lay the phone on the couch. “Indulge me. I told you about my day, you tell me yours.”

He wanted to tell you to fuck off, that the only reason he got curious about your day was because you had been cryptic with yours. He bit at his bottom lip, his eyes casted to the right for a right a brief second. He’s quiet for a long time- he can hear you shift around on the other side of the phone and he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“It wasn’t anything special.” He starts off slow, choosing his words correctly. “Woke up. Did stuff. And now I’m talking to you.”

You roll your eyes. “Vague as usual.” You click your tongue. “You didn’t play the game today?”

“Hadn’t thought about it.” He’s honest with you for once.

You let out a sharp laugh, stretching in the couch before turning over on your stomach, resting your chin on your hands and your phone now moved in front of you, leaning against the armrest. “Yeah? I’m surprised. With a level and stats as high as yours, I pegged you as the type to play that game every chance you had.”  You twirl your finger on the air, a teasing smile on your lips.

“I had other things to do.” He says- his tone a tad defensive.

“Oh?” Your voice rises in pitch. “Oh, right, right. You did “stuff” today. How could I ever forget your descriptive storytelling. Silly me.” Your voice has a kittenish quality. “So, despite having to do- what I’m sure is gruesome stuff- how has your day been so far?”

He doesn’t secretly dream of having a normal life- a life where he isn’t a villain, where his quirk isn’t something that can cause mass destruction- he doesn’t want any of that. He has a goal that he needs to reach. He has his life set out in front of him. But talking to you, as much as he hates it, doesn’t fill with him with dread or anxiety. It isn’t an overbearing weight that it once was, it feels lighter. He doesn’t want to know about your personal life, he doesn’t want to hear to hear you laugh. He doesn’t want to hear you say that you want hear his voice.

“Toma? You there?” You whisper, your voice gentle.

“I’m here,” he rasps out. He doesn’t want to be here.

“Wanna hear what I’m planning to do tomorrow?” You ask timidly.

You don’t wait for a reply. Instead, you start to talk about your plans for tomorrow. You talk about how you’ll try to wake up early, maybe do some yoga if it’s early enough. Or how you’ll make a simple breakfast; how you’ve been dying to try to make fluffy pancakes but you never have the motivation to actually make breakfast so you usually eat some fruit or pastry that you have lying around. You mention how you’ll call your other friends and ask to hang out or maybe just have a group call and talk about nothing and everything all at once. You laugh a bit when you talk about your friends. You mention how the call usually lasts for hours- the most being six- and how you’re always tired the next day, how you have a headache that’s caused by lack of sleep but you never regret the calls. You giggle at the end of that tangent and mention that it’s a dumb inside joke where you’ll start to complain four hours in that you’re tired but the call will keep going and towards the end of the call you’ll start getting sarcastic when they mention that they’re tired. You try to stifle your giggles and change topics to move on to what you might eat tonight- that you aren’t in the mood for anything too heavy, but you don’t want any fast food. You ask for his opinion on what he should eat and he mentions ordering ramen. You nod and tell him that’s a good idea. You talk about everything to him; you’re so open with this stranger that you don’t even know the name of. And he tells you this. There’s no bite to his voice, no insult ready to strike at you; just an observation.

You hesitate to answer. You tap on your phone, the screen lighting up. You’ve been on the call for a little over an hour and half. The corner of your mouth twitches.

“I don’t know.” It’s the truth. “I think… I think I was just really lonely that night.” The words are heavy on your tongue. “I mean, we had talked beforehand. When we did missions and stuff. We did team ups often enough and I guess I grew to like being around you. Or, er, talking to you.” You rub your lip between your teeth. “I mean, I’m okay not knowing your name. It isn’t like I’ve told you much about myself. You only know my first name and face but you don’t know where I live or my full name so,” you trail off, unsure how to end. “You aren’t really a stranger. I may not know your actual name but I’m gonna take a guess and say that the name you gave me has to be similar to your actual name.” You aren’t exactly wrong. “And I don’t know. Some people are,” you try to choose your next words carefully, “insecure of how they look. So I don’t really hold it against you if you don’t want me to see your actual face, ya know? Or even if it’s a privacy thing. I get it.” There’s silence on his end. “Did that make sense?”

He mumbles his agreement. Not all of it made for sound logic but it was logical to you, you gave your reasons and while they weren’t exactly the strongest, you stuck by them. He bends his head down and he clicks his tongue.

Twice knocks on his door and enters after a second has passed. Shigaraki twists his body and stares as Twice jerks his thumb over his shoulder and says that everyone is itching for something to do and every word after that is inaudible. He’s sitting at an angle, the phone that is pressed up against his ear, is hidden by his hair. You’re back to talking, unaware that Shigaraki has been interrupted, and he’s tuning out every word Twice is saying, only giving him a shake of the hand to indicate that he’ll be there, wherever there is, later. The door slams behind him and you ask what that was. He replies that he dropped something. You nod your head, only to give a verbal acknowledgement when you remember that he can’t see you.

“So, we’ve been talking for a while,” you breathe out. “Do you want to stop? I don’t mind talking to you for longer but I just wanted to make sure you weren’t bored of me yet.” You chuckle at the end, it’s a bit unsure but not totally humorless.

Shigaraki squints his eyes and pulls the phone away from him. Ten minutes until two hours. You two have been talking to close to two hours. Or rather, you talked for two hours while he listened.

“I uh, didn’t mean to talk for so long, heh.” You chuckle again and this time it’s humorless. “Next time you can talk and I’ll just listen.” You take off the speaker and press the phone close to your ear. You pull your knees up to your chest and rest your head on them.

Two months of group missions. Two weeks of missions done together alone. One late night call. Half a day of messaging. One two hour call.

“Toma, you there?” Your voice is back to being soft again. It reminds him of something he once craved for and thinking about it makes his head hurt. It unsettles him and he can’t think straight.

“Tomura.” His voice is too low. You almost didn’t catch it. You’re surprised you did.

“Tomura?” You question what this means. Is it a code or is it- oh.

You say his name again. Just above a whisper. The name is heavy on your tongue. And then you hear a click and the line is empty. You blink one. Twice. Your eyes are wide like owls and you mouth his name. And then you let out a shaky breath, the corner of your lips twitching upwards before allowing a full grin to take over.

“Tomura.” You click your tongue and rise up from the couch. Your fingers type at the screen and his name stares up at you. “It’s a nice name.”

Tagged:

@noonewouldlisten25

@yul-is-sparkling

@loveableasshole

@rogueofbullshit

[damn-stark]

I’m sorry for leaving you

Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader

Requested by anon “nice! okay i was thinking reader is number three and has allison’s powers is there instead of her and reader is also an avenger and she tried to rumour natasha back after her death and basically goes crazy cuz it doesn’t work so she leaves and bucky and sam go look for her after endgame? sorry if that’s too much!”

A/N- I made Natasha, readers love interest hope you don’t mind :)

Warning- talks of death, angst and fluff

———-

“Okay what are your thoughts on this house?” Natasha points out as she scrolls down and studies the pictures, “I mean it’s nice, it’s surrounded by a green beautiful forest and has a nice blue lake close by.”

You lean in and scan the file, “it’s nice, but,”

Natasha’s eyes drift to you and follow you as you move forward to be closer beside her, “but what?” She queries.

You meet her gaze and continue cautiously, “do you want to move? I mean are you ready to leave this all behind.”

Natasha sighs and sits back in her chair, she rests her hands on your legs that were resting over hers and runs her fingers through her hair before answering. “It’s been five years, I think it’s time. And I’m not giving up, I can work away from there, but you know I think it’s time to try a peaceful life in a place where I don’t have to worry about fighting.”

The corner of your lips tug into a small smile and you move back to admire her from afar. “It sounds nice, I like that.”

Natasha turns and mirrors your smile, albeit hers soon turned smug. “And if anything, you can end up just rumoring me, number ten.”

You scoff and shoot her a pointed look to correct her, “number three.”

Natasha giggles and shakes her head, “I still don’t get that, how come your father couldn’t bother to give you a real name?”

You shrug, “easier to go by numbers I guess, plus it distinguished us by how powerful we all are.”

“Well,” Natasha clicks her tongue, “I think we both deserve a more peaceful life. With no number three, no need to use powers to protect ourselves….unless someone tries to break in or something, but who would break in a house in the middle of the forest?”

“Someone very dedicated.” You quip.

Natasha narrows her gaze and just scoffs, she shakes her head and keeps going. “Regardless, is that the house?”

You gaze back at the screen and nod, feeling a small smile on your face and feeling pure, utter joy within your heart. “That’s the house.”

~

“I heard rumor,” your voice echoes and tears sting your eyes, “that Natasha Romanoff came back to life.”

The cloaked red figure keeps looking at you with his hallowed eyes, expressing nothing but the same blank, expressionless face. “A soul for a soul,” his voice echoed around the crisp air. “No exchanges. What’s done is done.”

Your bottom lip trembles and tears roll down your cheeks. Angry and sad tears alike. There's a void within you. Even after everyone came back; your best friends, comrades, and family, there was a void because the woman you loved, your soulmate was gone. After all you went through to achieve everyone’s return, she was the one gone. When you were about to live a life she wanted, a life you both chose to finally have, she was gone.

Now with life back to normal, all you wanted was her back. That’s all you wanted. That’s why you were fighting so hard, why you traveled through space—You knew the pain was detectable in your voice, it made your power stronger, but why wasn’t it working?

You drew in a deep, shaky breath and repeat it again, you seeth it out with all the strength and pain laced through your voice and power. “I heard a rumor! That you brought Natasha Romanoff back to life!”

The cloaked red figure floats towards you and bellows, “No!” Before he vanishes like smoke. You stare at the spot where he was and only see grey cracked stone, you see ominous fog and just plainly nothing else but emptiness that matched the feeling in your heart.

However the emptiness in your heart felt painful in every possible way. It made you feel weak, it made you fall to your knees and sob and shout out in a painful cry. “GAAAHH!”

The pain was so raw and mind numbing, the emptiness, the knowledge of failure changed something within you the moment you arrived back to earth. Something that concerned your best friends the moment they saw you.

“Y/N, where the hell have you been?”

You drift your eyes to Sam and stay silent for a while, noticing Bucky come up behind him with a more gentle, concerning gaze. “Y/N…”

“I’m fine guys,” you assure them, “I was just clearing my mind, I was—”

“In space?!” Sam quips. “You were clearing your mind in space?”

You nod, “yeah, what can I say I like seeing the stars up close.”

Sam scoffs and you see his upcoming remark in his eyes, and you stop him before he could utter it outloud. “I’m back now, that’s all that matters,” you pause and show them the best assuring smile you could manage. Even if you hid the pain within, you manage it. “Now, I’m just going to go to my family’s home to just...take a break,” you sigh, “I’ll return soon.”

You pat Sam's shoulder and offer Bucky a warm, assuring smile that didn’t convince him, but he had no choice to take it. Even as he saw you leave, it bugged him.

But he didn’t question it until weeks of you gone turned into months and then a whole year. Sam was more hesitant, and just told Bucky to leave you to mourn your longtime girlfriend. But Bucky was worried and couldn’t just leave you to suffer alone. He knew you had a family, he knew that your siblings and you were close, but he just needed to assure himself that you were really fine.

“This is the spot.” Sam let Bucky know as he parked the car in front of a tall building.

“Are you sure?” Bucky queried as he looked out the window, “she said small house.”

Sam leaned over and studied the huge building. “Well the file said this is her “small house.”

Bucky hums and gets out, tilting his head back to take in the home, and playfully remark to Sam, “your apartment can fit here like a hundred times over.”

Sam scoffs and just continues towards the door, knocking a couple times to then wait until something opens it.

“Hello, this is the Hargreeves residence, how may I help you?”

Bucky blinks in disbelief and looks down at the talking animal. “Is that a monkey?”

Sam narrowed his gaze on the monkey and nodded slowly, “yep. But why should it matter, we’ve met a talking raccoon and talking tree.”

“I’m an ape, but that doesn’t matter, Is there something you need?” The money asked once more.

“Yeah,” Sam answered, “we’re looking for someone. Y/N Hargreeves.”

“Oh, Ms. Hargreeves is not here.”

“No?” Bucky said in worried tone. “She said she was coming here. We’re her friends, we're concerned for her.”

“You and I both,” the monkey shared, “she came here once to reunite with her siblings, but she left soon after and never came back.”

Sam and Bucky both looked at one another and shared a confused look.

“But,” the monkey continued, “her brothers may know where she is. One is here, so if you gentlemen want to wait here while I fetch him that’d be fine.”

Bucky and Sam share another look and this time silently come to an agreement and follow the monkey in the suit inside a long living room with a portrait of your siblings and you over the fireplace.

“What a small house,” Sam remarked sarcastically as he stopped in front of the portrait.

Bucky looked up at the same thing and smiled as he noticed you in a mask and a school uniform. “Cute.”

“Rich.” Sam quipped as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“And also my fathers pride and joy,” a voice said behind Bucky and Sam, earning their immediate attention and making them turn around to face a slim man that looked almost like a misplaced hipster. He waved his hands and they noticed tattoos on the palms and a grin on his face. “Hello. What a surprise and an honor to have two of the best looking Avengers come to my humble home. I’m Klaus Hargreeves, one of y/n’s brothers.”

“Sam,” Bucky introduced the man next to him before introducing himself, “Bucky.”

Klaus smiled wider and had a child-like glow in his eyes before walking to the bar and speaking what he knew. “Pogo says you’re looking for my beloved sister. Drinks?”

Sam nodded and approached the bar, while Bucky only followed behind to decline and say his reason.“Yeah, we’re worried, she said she was going to return and she hasn’t yet. We keep trying to call her, but nothing. We just wanted to know if she’s okay.”

Klaus sighs and puts the alcohol away, he props his hands on the edge of the bar and his face turns more serious. “She only came home once. She left that same day and never came back.”

“Do you know where she is?” Sam probed.

Klaus meets his gaze and nods. “I do.”

“Can you take us to her?”

Klaus gets water and drinks it as he moves away and avoids the question until Bucky asks again. “I’ve been told not to.”

“Do you atleast know how she is?” Bucky insisted.

“No.”

Sam sighs and meets Bucky's gaze to share a weirded out and concerned look.

“And she's blocked me out too. She doesn’t want to speak to anyone, she said to let her grieve in peace and as someone who has also lost their soulmate I understand her.”

Bucky scoffs, “she’s in pain, she needs us, just like she needs all of you. We can’t just leave her to deal with it alone. I understand pain and it can be devastating. We need to check on her. She can’t be alone.”

Klaus hesitates but he decides to give in and give them what they want. “Fine, I’ll take you to the town she’s living in.”

And he does as he says, he drives several hours to a small town where you’re supposed to be in, but stops at the first street and turns back to both Sam and Bucky. “This is far as we go, beyond here we have to ask someone. She just told me which town, not which house.”

Sam groans in annoyance, but he and Bucky begin to follow after Klaus, searching for someone in this town who would give them the time of day, but none of them gave them the time of day. They would simply look at the trio and stare for a few seconds before walking as if nothing. And usually Bucky didn’t like to gloat. Anymore, but he knew that Sam and him were well known around the world. Someone always recognized him.

Not even kids came up to either of them. It’s like they were ghosts. All women ghosts in fact now that he really got to noticing his surroundings.

Until the wrong people came up. A police unit. “You’re not allowed to be here. We have to ask you to leave now.”

“What?” Klaus squeaked, making the policewoman look to him and stare at him for a long time, not saying anything, like if she was searching her own mind for a response.

“Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes are not allowed within the perimeters of this town.”

Klaus sighs in relief and grabs his chest once the woman looks away. “Oof, thank god, I am allowed here. Now lovely ladies do you happen to know where my sister is? You see it’s an emergency. Our mother has died! She needs to know, please.” He begged dramatically.

The policewoman calls something in her radio and then tells them to wait but they point their guns at Sam and Bucky, insisting they get out. Just as a fight was going to break out, someone’s voice came out of the shadows of a nearby alleyway. “Klaus, brother, why did you bring them here?”

Klaus shrugs, “because we want to talk.”

You scoff and slowly walk out and maneuver through the crowd of policewoman. “About our robot mother dying? What happened?” You play along

“A heart attack, because she was devastated about your disappearance.”

You shake four head and glance at Bucky and Sam before looking back at Klaus. “Well it’s a good thing she doesn’t have an actual heart. So she’s fine. Now why are they here?”

“Why are you?” Bucky quipped, stepping up towards you.

“Running a town.”

“Full of woman?” Sam snapped. “That look like they’re all mind controlled?”

You sigh and shove your hands in your coat pockets. “They’re blackwidows, like Natasha was. I’m just helping them.”

“Helping them by controlling them?”

You simply shrug and frown as you look at the floor. “I’m helping them.”

“By taking them hostage?” Bucky rebutted. “Natasha wouldn’t want that. Let them go to live their lives, come back home with us, they’re not going to fill the void you have inside you. Don’t be that person.”

You clench your jaw and ball your hand. “That person? I’m just helping them, they’re the closest thing I have to Natasha. They’re going to help me bring her back.”

“Oh, I see,” Sam sighs, “so they’re your army? Your perfectly trained soldiers. What are you going to do? What’s your plan? Invade the planet where she died? Natasha is gone! She wouldn’t want this for you.”

You step back and feel your eyes sting. But you don’t let yourself cry, instead you glare at them and just as you were going to rumor them both, Klaus stepped in front of them and quickly blurted out. “Don’t. She’s here.”

“What?” You snapped as you snap your attention towards him. “What do you mean? Don’t mess with me Klaus.”

“I’m not,” Klaus quickly explained himself, raising his hands and looking to an empty spot beside him. “I got to connect with her.”

“What?” Bucky questioned too.

Your eyes widen and you leave your lips parted as Klaus begins to talk for her. “She says that she loves you, that she watches over you every second of every single day.” Your bottom lip trembles and tears once again fill your eyes. “She says you’re acting stupid right now and that if she were here she’d punch you.” You cover your mouth and sob softly. “She says that she doesn’t want this for you and she’s sorry for leaving you.”

You fall to your knees and keep looking at the space where Klaus was looking at, Bucky and Sam listen in disbelief, but Bucky manages to come to your side to try and comfort you.

“She wants you to go back home, be with people you love and just live life. Either being a hero or just simply living a life. All she wants is you to be happy, knowing she’s also going to be by your side. She loves you.”

“I’m sorry,” you cry, “I’m so sorry. I never wanted this, I just wanted you back, please..forgive me.”

“She does.”

“I love you,” you mutter, “and I miss you every single day.”

Klaus walks towards you and crouch’s down in front of you, cupping your cheek and offering you a kind smile. “She loves you too.”

A wobbly smile grows on your lips and you know by the look on Klaus’s face she was gone again. However you didn’t hesitate to do as she had said, you did the right thing with the Black Widows. Even if it was painful to think of Natasha dying, you let them go.

“So what now? You mumble as you look at the three men in front of you, swaying back and forth on your heels.

“Depends on you,” Bucky tells you, “we can use you out there, but if you want to go home, you can. We were worried for you, we just wanted you to be okay.”

“I will be,” you sigh as you hook your arm around Klaus’s. “Soon.”

“Well we can go back to your huge house,” Sam suggested, “I saw some expensive alcohol in that bar and I’m down to go there.”

You chuckle softly, “fine. Let’s go home. For a while, but after, I’m getting back to work. I know you boys can’t be without me.”

Sam snorts. “Sure whatever you say Number Twenty.”

“It’s Number Three!”

[queenk00k]

but what if we were pure gold all along? jj maybank (chapter 4)

Summary: After the assumed death of their best friend, the Pogues are falling apart at the seams. With Pope and Kiara getting closer and JJ left with nowhere to go, he finds himself left to his own devices. Feeling lost and rejected, his luck seems to turn when he meets Scarlett - a Kook who doesn’t treat him like shit and has an affinity for partying. JJ gets sucked into her world as she promises to help him forget.

How much longer can he keep running from his demons? And what happens when he starts sharing a bed with one?

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, child abuse, angst, sexual content, drug use, underage drinking.

Author’s note: Hi all, this is my multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on. My oneshots & Rafe series have taken off so I thought it was time to share this one too. Let me know what you think!

Word count: 2K

PROLOGUE

CHAPTER 1

CHAPTER 2

CHAPTER 3

the one where JJ makes his choice pretty clear

After two weeks of spending almost every waking minute with his new friend, JJ is starting to wonder if he’ll be able to keep up with her for much longer. Scarlett’s appetite for debauchery and disaster was insatiable and despite JJ’s best efforts to slow her down (“why don’t we just get lunch?” “why the fuck would we do that?”), she seemed intent on showing JJ a good time, Kook style.

After the initial night at Scarlett’s family mansion, where JJ climbed in her bedroom window like some sort of roughed up Edward Cullen and they drank their way through her mother’s gin collection, it had become a habit of JJ’s to seek Scarlett out at any opportunity. Not only was she the only person who seemed to want to spend time with him, something JJ was still reconciling, but God was she fun. Scarlett took quickly to riding on the back of JJ’s dirt bike, sharing a joint and even had a go at shooting JJ’s gun (a short lived adventure, since a firing mishap caused JJ to leap to the side of the yard to avoid losing a pinky toe). Scarlett was easy to spend time with, a breath of fresh air and a reprieve from the drama and darkness JJ had been experiencing when he last saw the Pogues.

Who, by the way, have still neglected to get in contact with him.

JJ has been holding onto false hope. He’s swinging between complete disbelief and hurt that his friends haven’t spoken to him in two weeks, and almost blinding rage that he apparently means so little to them. He doesn’t often have that much time to dwell on it though, since every time he’s remotely upset or quiet as a result of his former-but-the-jury’s-still-out-on-that friends, Scarlett is there to pick him right up and distract him in all the ways she knows how.

They spend most of their nights drinking on the beach or at Scarlett’s house, where her parents are never really around, since JJ swore up and down that he was never going to a Kook party with Scarlett. She had tried to convince him to no avail and gave up pretty quickly when JJ pointed out Rafe Cameron would most likely be in attendance, since he wasn’t even trying to lay low after literally murdering someone, and JJ was not going to be held liable for any injuries he may cause.  So they settled for each other’s company – sharing joints that JJ taught Scarlett how to roll, stacking beer bottles, going on late night motorbike rides and in one instance, seeing how easily they could blow something up. It didn’t take much convincing for JJ to change his phone background, the cracked screen now giving way to a photo of him and Scarlett messing about on his bike.

Simply put, JJ is trying his best to forget about the whole “one of my best friends is missing and presumed dead and the others don’t even want to talk to me” situation.

Scarlett is a nice distraction.

It helps that she’s gorgeous.

JJ isn’t stupid, he knows he’s spending time with someone absolutely beautiful and at times he struggles to understand why she would want to slum it with him. He’s not immune to how soft her thigh is when it brushes against his, or how her smile always reaches her eyes where the skin around them creases as she laughs, or how cute she looks with her dark hair tied up. JJ figures she must think something of him too – he notices how her hands linger longer on his waist when he brings his bike to a halt, how she’s affectionately started calling him Jay, and he certainly hasn’t forgotten how Scarlett kissed him on the cheek as he left her house last night.

JJ is as shocked as anyone would be that he’s started hanging out with a Kook, let alone calling her his friend and admitting to himself that he finds her hot. He’d be stupid not to, he is a sixteen-year-old guy after all, and she’s a stunning rich girl with a pert ass and deep brown eyes. He’s only human.

--

A knock on the front door of the Chateau brings JJ out of his reverie and he swings his legs around to hop off the couch where he’s been lying for the last three hours. After another late night at Scarlett’s the evening before, JJ somehow made his way home to crash on the couch to get some sleep before Scarlett was due to come over.

JJ runs his hand through his messy blonde hair and pads over to the door, yawning widely as he pulls it open. Scarlett is standing on the porch steps, dressed in her usual sundress and holding two six packs.

She lifts both arms up in excitement as she says “Jay! Long time no see!”

JJ shakes his head and smiles softly to himself, stepping aside to let Scarlett walk in the front door. She twirls dramatically as she crosses the threshold and makes a direct beeline for the fridge, bottles clanking as she shoves them onto the shelf.

JJ follows her and leans against the kitchen doorframe, accepting a bottle of beer and popping the cap off with his sharp incisor.

“Welcome back, Scarlett. It’s only been, what, ten hours since we last saw each other?”

Scarlett rolls her eyes. “What, you got something better to do?”

JJ laughs hoarsely as he replies, “you know the answer to that.”

Scarlett bumps her hip into his as she squeezes through to doorway and winks at him. “I need to sit down,” she says. “I’m beat.”

JJ adjust the front of his shorts and grimaces. It appears he needed to relax too.

He makes his way to the living room with a half full beer bottle, the condensation coating his fingers and making the neck of the bottle slippery. JJ notices Scarlett has already downed one drink and is making some good headway on her second, before he decides to tilt the bottle down and away from her lips.

Scarlett glares at him and purses said lips, and JJ fights the urge to stare at them, forcing his eyes to remain locked on hers.

“What did you do that for?” She asks, looking grumpy.

JJ thinks she looks cute.

He shrugs. “Maybe you could slow down. It’s 3pm,” he replies.

“Hair of the dog,” Scarlett says as she completely defies JJ’s suggestion and finishes her second bottle, letting out a small burp as she does.

“Oops,” she giggles.

JJ sighs but he’s not mad, not really, and he lets Scarlett know by patting her on the knee, resting his hand there for slightly longer than necessary.

“Drink up wuss,” Scarlett says, winking at him and JJ would be stupid not to do what she says, so he downs his beer too and cracks open another one.

Scarlett is scrolling through her Spotify and trying to get it Bluetooth connected to the old speakers next to the couch (JJ has told her before that it won’t work but she’s stubborn, alright, and insists on trying), and JJ is sat in quiet contemplation on the couch when a sharp knock on the door reverberates through the room.

Scarlett’s head snaps up, her top bun bobbing as she turns towards JJ, eyes wide.

“Who’s that?” She asks. They weren’t expecting any guests.

“Shit,” says JJ, standing up and placing his beer on the floor. “It’s probably my Dad. Fuck.”

“Your dad? What is he doing here?”

JJ shakes his head and presses a finger to his lips. “Stay here, do not come out under any circumstances, you understand? I’ll talk to him for a bit and then hopefully he’ll fuck off, but if anything happens, just go out the back door okay?”

Scarlett narrows her eyes in confusion. “And just leave you here? No way.”

Another series of sharp knocks, this time more urgent.

“Scarlett, I don’t have time to argue. Just tell me you’ll get out of here, okay?”

Scarlett looks like she has the time to argue but nods anyway. “Okay.”

JJ steels himself and sets his jaw as he cautiously walks down the hallway and opens the front door.

It’s Kiara and Pope.

JJ blinks slowly. “What are you doing here?” He says abruptly, skipping the pleasantries.

Kiara looks at him, bemused. “No ‘hey Kie, nice to see you?’”

JJ scoffs. “No offence, Kiara, but I’m not too sure you deserve that right now.”

Kiara opens her mouth to respond, ever the hot-headed one, when Pope has the right idea to butt in.

“We missed you man; can we talk?” He says, fiddling with his cap.

JJ steps out onto the porch, leaving the door slightly ajar. “Yeah, we can talk. Where the fuck have you been?”

“It’s complicated-”

“-I couldn’t see you-”

“-it’s been really hard for us-”

JJ has to laugh at that one, and he turns to Kiara, eyes ablaze with fury. “It’s been really hard for you? Are you fucking kidding me? YOU LEFT ME! ALONE!”

Kiara steps back from JJ, as if she’s scared, and Pope brings his hand to the small of her back to comfort her.

“Come on man, there’s no need-”

“Where were you, Kiara? Why didn’t you talk to me?”

Kiara’s dark eyes fill with tears and her chin starts to wobble. “JJ, you know my parents, they had me on lockdown-”

JJ can’t believe what he’s hearing. “You could see Pope.”

“He’s my boyfriend JJ, and you’ve always known what my parents think-”

Pope has the good grace to stay quiet and let them at it.

“So what the fuck am I then? Huh?”

JJ wouldn’t have noticed Scarlett sneaking up behind him if it weren’t for the sudden hardened look in Kiara’s eyes.

JJ spins around, jaw clenched, as Scarlett asks, “What’s going on here?”

Kiara’s mouth drops open. “A Kook, JJ? Seriously? You’re fucking a Kook?”

JJ’s mouth opens and closes as he struggles to reply. “I-we’re not, we’re friends-we aren’t-”

“This is unbelievable,” Kiara spits. “I thought better of you JJ.”

Scarlett stares Kiara down, folding her arms across her chest.

“She was here for me, Kiara! You weren’t! You were NOWHERE TO BE FOUND! Some fucking friend you are!” JJ shouts.

Kiara looks like she wants to stay more but she decides against it as she simply mutters “unbelievable,” and throws her hands up, walking away.

JJ’s chest heaves and heart pounds with adrenaline as Pope looks at him apologetically.

“Man, I’m sorry, I have to go too, she’s my girlfriend-”

JJ cuts him off. “Whatever man; just leave. You’re good at that anyways.”

Pope looks hurt but simply nods at JJ and turns to run after Kiara as she stalks down the driveway, long cardigan flowing behind her.

Scarlett sighs and places her hand delicately on JJ’s shoulder, and it takes everything in him not to lean into her touch.

“Drink?” She says.

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[lelenoir]

pairing: best friend!xiao dejun x reader

contents: angst, fluff if u squint, time travelling, character deaths, deal with the devil, highschool au, demon!hendery

word count: 3.1k

prompt:

"magkahawak ang ating kamay,

at walang kamalay malay,

na tinuruan mo ang puso ko,

na umibig ng tunay"

note: thank you to @jenoir for reading the first horrible draft of this fic 💕

last installment of anthology: the series

It was during prom when Xiaojun gathered up enough courage to tell you about how he felt. He could still remember that day oh so vividly, he could almost feel the weight and warmth of your arms perched on his shoulders and wrapped around his neck. He could smell the scent of your hair just by his chin as you lay your head on his chest, bodies swaying to the beat of an unfamiliar love song. It was moments like these where he couldn't believe he had outlived such a phenomenon. He felt his heart pound in his chest, a rapid pace at such a loud volume. He wondered how you didn't hear it. If you did, then he was glad you never told him.

His arms laid comfortably around your waist, the contact burning his skin. In fact, he felt his whole body burn. Right there, under the dim lights of your school's gymnasium with the majority of the student population surrounding you. It almost felt surreal. The way your bodies stood close and just the sensation of having you with him. It was an insatiable feeling. A thirst that only you could quench.

"Y/n?" He spoke up. The call snapping you back to reality as you looked up at him, a hum ringing out of your throat as a response. He could feel his breath get snatched away at the sight of you. His eyes---an already dead giveaway on what he was about to do---looked at you with so much love. You didn't think you deserve them. "I---"

You pressed your palm abruptly on his lips, cutting him off. "Let's just dance, okay?" You see him nod his head as you retrieved your hand and put them on his waist, holding him even closer than before as your face returns to rest on his chest. His breath hitching a bit at the proximity but not having the intention of pulling away.

That was the moment Xiaojun knew what love was. It was the feeling of your arms around him, pulling him closer until he was only a breath away. It was the sound of your soft voice, humming along the unfamiliar song as if it was yours. It was the addictive smell of your vanilla scented hair that wafted through the air. And lastly, it was the way his arms fit perfectly around you like a puzzle piece. Perfectly cut to match his edges. At that moment, he knew where he belonged; by your side.

He felt content just at the thought that you weren't going anywhere. He lived knowing he was breathing the same air as you and seeing the same set of stars in the night sky. If you'd ask for the moon then he'd gladly give it to you no matter what. If you told him to count the stars then he'll stay up every night just to conquer the impossible feat. You could ask him the most difficult and strenuous of tasks and he'd gladly do them. All for you.

That night he drove you home, a mellow song in a different language played in the background as he maneuvered the car to your familiar subdivision. His hand lay loose on the clutch while the other held the steering wheel firmly, spinning it easily as his eyes remained fixed on the road and nothing else. All his courage seemed to dwindle away from him now as a comforting yet awkward silence filled the space.

It was in the instance he passed by the old park you used to go to when he felt your warm hand on his. He turned his attention to you for a moment, only to see you looking out the window and avoiding his gaze. He shifted his eyes back to the front as he clenched on the steering wheel a bit. A few seconds passed when he decided to gulp down his doubts and move his hands to intertwine with yours. He felt his breath get stuck in his throat as you returned the action, clutching on him like he does with you.

"Magkahawak ang ating kamay,

At walang kamalay-malay,"

A luxurious comfort he could never seem to get used to. The sudden boom of electrifying feelings sparking around him at your touch. Another turn and he realised you were so close to going home. The surge of euphoria leaving him before he could even dwell on it.

By the time he stopped infront of your front porch---his car jerked slightly as he turned the engine off, cutting the music midway---he felt a wave of small regret. The both of you now sitting in pure quietness. Your hands still held on to one another as if none of you wanted to let go. He didn't want to let you go. But the night was slowly fading away and you were running out of time.

The sigh that rang from your lips felt like it was echoing around the car as you finally turned to look at him. Eyes wide and filled with stars, Xiaojun wouldn't mind getting lost in them.

The small sad smile in your face confused him a bit but the feeling of your thumb drawing circles on his skin distracted him from ever questioning it. He let himself drown in the feeling. As long as it's you.

"Goodnight, Jun." You whispered.

"I-I'll see you tomorrow?"

You never answered his question, only smiling and planting a small kiss on his cheek before getting out of the car. Dazed, Xiaojun could only watch as you ran back to your house.

Your figure stopped as you reached the door and looked back to him. A small wave from both of you and you were gone. Swallowed by the red door of your family home.

He snapped himself back to reality, turning the key to let the car roar. He felt his cheeks grow flush as he noticed one house turn their light on at the loud sound but it was mostly because of what just happened. He turned the radio on, humming along the tune as he sped away. A hopeful glint present in his sharp eyes. The sheer feeling of happiness he was experiencing remaining to be uncontainable.

"La la la la, la la, la la, la la la…"

The next day, you were gone. The house he took you to the night before was now stripped out of every piece of furniture he was accustomed to. Not a single sign of being inhabited left as he peered through the window. When he asked a woman passing by, he was greeted with dreaded news.

"Oh them? They moved out last night."

That night, the news spoke of a fatal car crash. A drunk driver skidded across the road, pummeling towards a car occupied by a family of three. The anchorman told them only one casualty was resulted from this accident while the others involved only caught minor injuries. Your name was sprawled across the screen as the unlucky victim. Which, in turn, made Xiaojun's heart drop.

His eyes went wide in disbelief as his mother attempted to walk towards him to comfort him. The moment he felt her touch on his shoulders made him jolt up from his seat. Tears brimmed the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill as he shook his head in denial.

"Jun…" his mother started. But he couldn't take it. Couldn't take another moment in that house. That room where you used to snuggle up to him during your countless movie nights. Where you'd cry your eyes out to him. Or laugh your head off at some cheesy joke he said. That room where so many moments with you were made. Even the sweater he wore reminded him of you and how you used to steal it from him back then.

He couldn't take it. The idea of you never coming back. The thought of never seeing you again only filled his mind with remorse and pure regret. In response, His legs bolted himself away, far away from that dreadful house. He couldn't stand the sight of its walls when every time he does, he sees you.

The air felt colder than usual that night. He could remember it as if he was watching a movie. His legs gave out once he reached an unfamiliar clearing. His increasing heart beat distracted him from the pain for a moment as he panted for air. It wasn't long for the tears to come back. He could feel it brimming the sides of his temples. A few drops of sweat stinging his eyes a bit as he defeatedly knelt down on the dewy grass.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made him snap up. A man in a black suit stood in the middle of the forest. His eyes glowed gold and his skin was as pale as snow. Black veins stemmed down his neck to the exposed skin of his hands. The fingers sharpened and black as well.

"Xiao Dejun," the stranger called out. His voice was as smooth as honey, a huge contrast to his unusual and frightening appearance. "I am here to offer you a deal."

Xiaojun sniffed, pulling the sleeve of his clothes to wipe up the last of his tears. "W-what?"

"I am here to offer you a deal." The man repeated more firmly this time, stepping closer and granting Xiaojun the chance to see him fully. "A once in a lifetime opportunity, to bring back---" the stranger lifted his hand up as gold glowing dots appeared from his nails and, like magic, an outline of your face appeared. Xiaojun couldn't help but stare at the image, making the man smirk. "---what you've lost." With a wave of his hand, you were gone.

"What are you?"

"Just a friend who wants to help you. A simple wanderer of this world, just like you. Except, blessed with immeasurable power which I used to help hopeless mortals like you." He answered coolly, stepping closer to Xiaojun until he was merely circling him. "Of course, my kind has been known as many names: fallen angels, monsters, ghosts… demons."

Xiaojun felt his breath hitch. This didn't go unnoticed by the other.

"Although I prefer it if you called me Hendery, it has a nice ring to it. Still, don't misunderstand. Us demons aren't as bad as the movies portray. Don't get me wrong, we do provide our services to you mortals in exchange for something valuable of yours but---and this is one hard but---we only give it to the most desperate of souls. Kind of like yourself, Mr. Xiao." A dark and mischievous glint was present in his eyes as he stared down Xiaojun.

"Does this mean I can have her back?" He asked, voice timid but full of determination.

"Who? The dead girl? I'm afraid that settles a very big price to pay." Hendery answered, examining his nails as if to seem indifferent to the boy.

"I-I'll give you anything." He stuttered. A devilish smirk formed on Hendery's features as he lifted his gaze to the boy.

"You see, Mr. Xiao, a mortal soul is one of the G-man's many divine gifts. Most celestial beings even see it as the most precious. It's simply irreplaceable." He explained.

"So?"

"So?" He repeated it like it was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. He exhaled in exaggeration, looking at Xiaojun like he was the dumbest creature he'd ever come across with. "The only thing that can replace a mortal soul is another mortal soul, you stupid fuck." Xiaojun rolled his eyes at his words. "Are you willing to sacrifice yourself for one girl?"

Xiaojun gulped. Is he? He thought back to all the times you've helped him. He remembered the day you first met. By the swings, in your old preschool's playground. He remembered the time he fractured his leg and you were the only one outside his family that came to visit. You drew flowers on his cast and he couldn't help but admire how pretty they were. That time you lost your dog and he was the first one you came to. That was the first time he saw you cry so much. His heart sunk inside his chest. He realised that day that he didn't like seeing you cry. At first he tried to convince himself that it was because of the unpleasant feeling in his chest of seeing someone cry but thinking about it now, it hurt him to see you get hurt. And lastly, that night. The warmth. The feeling. And just the sensation of being around you. He missed holding your hand. The moment felt like it happened years ago but the imprint, the ghost of your skin on his, felt so new and impressionable. He could still feel your lips on his cheek.

"Yes." He answered with conviction. "I am."

Impossibly, Hendery's smirk grew wider, eyes glowing brighter with it. "Then I guess we have a deal to settle. Tell me, Mr. Xiao, what is your wish?" He lifted his hand out to shake.

Xiaojun gulped, taking his cold hand with his. Hissing as he felt the demon's sharp nails digging into his skin, drawing a small trail of blood. "I want to save y/n from dying."

"And in exchange?"

Xiaojun took a deep breath, helping himself go through the wicked pain. "I give you my soul."

Hendery knelt down on the ground, his free hand drawing symbols on the dirt. Once he was finished, the grip he held on Xiaojun's hand loosened, allowing the blood to drop on what he drew.

Xiaojun watched as the symbols came alive right in front of his eyes. The stars and unfamiliar font swirling around him as both him and the demon were engulfed in a tornado of red flame.

The heat suffocating and the surroundings hurting his eyes the more he looked. A deafening screech was heard around him, followed by the sounds of car honks and a girl screaming. He heard the song playing again as a mixture of sounds invaded his brain.

"Sana noon pa man ay sinabi na sa iyo,

Kahit hindi na uso ay ito lang ang alam ko"

The singer's voice never faded from his head as he now heard the sound of his own.

"I-I'll see you tomorrow?" He opened his eyes to see you right in front of him. Your eyes glowed under the dim light of his car. Like the last time, you never answered him. Smiling once again before planting a kiss on his cheek. Only this time, he wasn't going to let the moment pass him by. His hand reached your wrist before you could even turn around. His breaths came in pants as he savored your presence. He could feel the tears gloss his eyes as he looked at you.

"Jun, are you okay?" God, how he missed the sound of his name on your lips. He snapped himself back to the present.

"I-I'm fine… I just missed you." He said, nodding along as the tears fell freely across his cheek.

You chuckled, "I haven't even left yet."

His hand went back to yours, intertwining them like how it once was. "Then stay."

"I can't." You replied, holding back the dam of emotions you've been carrying. The sigh you let out became shaky as he continued to stare. "I c-can't."

His eyes pleaded---begged you to stay just a little longer. "I love you."

That was all it took to make you break down your walls. The waters seeping through your well built barrier.

"Please." His voice was desperate. Both hands now grabbing on yours, pulling them to his chest. "Just for a little while."

You couldn't say no to him. You could never. But you had to. You had to and you know it. The clock was ticking and before you could say anything the car started.

"Jun?" You called out, watching helplessly as the car roared to life. The hand he held on you shifted the clutch to drive. "What are you doing?"

"Keeping you safe." He answered.

"No Jun, you don't understand---"

"No y/n! Don't go. Don't move away." He turned his body to face you, his hand maneuvering the wheel. "Stay."

You held his gaze longer than you intended to and you regretted it deeply as a truck suddenly hit Xiaojun's side of the car. The impact caused the car to spin around the air before crashing to the ground.

You coughed once the vehicle settled, your focus turning to Xiaojun who was groaning loudly in pain. You quickly crawled out of the car and to the side of your best friend. The window glass was already non-existent as you pulled him out of his seat. His hair stuck to the side of his bloody face while his eyes fought to stay awake.

"H-hey stay with me, Jun." You pleaded, cradling his head on your arms as you desperately kept him conscious. "I'm right here, okay? I-I'm not going anywhere anymore. Please just---just stay awake for me."

Even with dying he could still bring himself to smile softly at you. "A-as long as you're okay." He whispered. Voice already strained with death as he reached up to caress your cheek. "I love you."

You sobbed harder at his repeated confession. Your hand held on to the one he had on your cheek. "I love you too. So much."

He chuckled, the action making him wince. So this was it? He thought to himself, vision already blurry as he watched you cry. His breathing became erratic. He found it more difficult to breathe now as he tried to stay a bit longer until finally it was all too much.

Dying, for Xiaojun, wasn't like what he expected. He didn't see a big bright light. Nor did he have an out of body experience of his soul being pushed out of his being. His life didn't flash before his eyes. The last thing he ever saw was you but after that didn't see a thing. Instead, everything was dark. Really, really dark.

His hand fell from your cheek, laying limp beside him as his eyes slowly screwed shut. And that was the end for Xiao Dejun. It was always supposed to be.

"I told you to save him." You said against the cold wind. Out of thin air, Hendery appeared next to you.

"The boy made a more interesting offer. You shouldn't have stayed in the car with him." He replied, nonchalantly taking a cigarette off the pack in his pants and lighting them with his finger. He took a whiff of the stick before blowing it out. "Sorry, kid. A deal's a deal." He gripped your shoulders at what he assumed to be comforting before walking away.

The sound of the radio distorted but still recognizable as you held Xiaojun close, crying against him like you did the first time.

"La la la la, la la, la la, la la la…"

our hands held each other

without any of us realizing

that you've taught my heart

how to truly love

replay album?

[hiro-gari]

[Part 1] If you like emotional idea for oneshot, I have one about Wings AU for Metal Bat: What if blackened feathers on the wings representing bottled-up emotions? Despite his hot-headed and outspoken personality, Badd still has alot of black feathers on his white wings because of the burden as a hero, a big brother, and a single guardian for Zenko, especially after the death of their parents. Garou on the opposite has none of it because he let his emotions out and has kinda 'idgaf' personality.

[Part 2] After they're together and getting comfortable with eachother, Badd's wings little-by-little become pure white again like him in the past as he slowly but surely opened up about himself to Garou.. 💖 You can make it as emotional as possible, hurt/comfort is OK too! 😉👌✨ I apologized if it's not so good and for making it Batarou-hinted again I'm so sorry 😅💦 Thank you for always listening to my random asks, hope you have lots of good days in new year! 😊👍💕💖💝🌸🌻

I’m soso sorry I have no excuse for taking so long to write this 😅 I hope it is worth the wait

Understandings

Garou/Metal Bat Wings! AU oneshot

Hurt/comfort, angst to fluff, violence, death mentions

Badd’s eyes snapped open as the hush of the train was interrupted by a voice resounding from the intercom, declaring their upcoming stop.

Gazing out the window, he barely caught sight of a decorative sign as it flashed by-

WELCOME TO K CITY

The other passengers started to stir as well, some glancing in his direction. A young boy stared at him fixedly. Badd tried to smile genuinely and gave him a small wave. The kid’s eyes widened and he nudged the woman in the seat beside him and pointed towards Badd. She turned in his direction, her brow furrowing when she caught sight of him.

He slowly slumped further into his seat and looked back out the window, regretting his decision to take public transit.

The Hero Association had not-so-subtly requested that heroes “refrain from excessive public interaction unrelated to your heroic duties” in the weeks following the defeat of the Monster Association. Though they were victorious, the media was still a storm of mixed views on the integrity and commitment of heroes after the blow they had been dealt. 

Badd rubbed his temple absently, trying to ignore the ache in his head that had been spreading since morning. Months ago, I’d have assumed that kid was a fan, probably would’ve offered to pose for a photo... He clicked on his phone to make himself look busy and stared at his lockscreen. It was an old picture of a much younger Zenko beaming, her ivory wings spread wide with glee as she cradled a scraggly tabby.

His phone screen went black again, and he sighed defeatedly at the sight of his own dejected reflection. The train slowed to a halt as it pulled into the station, and one by one everyone filed into the aisle. He tried not to notice the pure white wings on the backs of the passengers lined up in front of him as they walked out into the city.

Doesn’t mean shit. Anyone can go to a cosmetics store and get those white dyes. Even still, he glanced over his shoulder, anxiously checking to be sure he had every inch of jet black covered.

Nearly a year ago, the first gray patches had appeared.

Though the initial blow of his parents death was unbearable, he forced himself to find the strength to smile, excel at his hero duties, and maintain his cocky attitude.

But as the months went by, it seemed the more effort he gave into being a hero and a caretaker for Zenko, the more the dark stains would spread.

His phone chimed, and he pulled it from his pocket, slinging his bat over his shoulder casually. He froze as Zenko’s name above the all caps message sent a flash of anxiety through him, but it was quickly washed away by the picture she had attached. It was a rather blurred selfie, but she was smiling, posing with a slick brown creature pawing the glass behind her.

OTTERS ARE SO CUTE! I WANT ONE! she wrote.

Of course. Her class had taken a trip to the zoo for the day, and he’d seen her off with them before departing on his own. Badd had wanted to accompany her as a chaperone, but previous experience had taught him that his old school teachers had never quite forgiven him for being such a problematic student. He continued on, making his way in the direction of the dense forest, which framed the city’s entire eastern edge. The buildings and streets ended abruptly as he reached a wooden arch. The faded gray letters etched into the timber read

K CITY NATURE PARK

Beyond it was a stony path, forking in one direction toward an open area dotted with benches and gazebos, the other leading to a formidable wooden staircase. The top was barely visible from where Badd stood, and the wood creaked as he took the first step. He twirled his bat absently as he ascended, taking in the sounds and the overwhelming green that was notably absent for miles surrounding his home. When was the last time I’ve been to a place like this? Maybe I should bring Zenko sometime... The smell brought memories buried deep in his mind to the surface. He recalled how he’d raced up and down the steps, showing off for his parents as they made the climb with him.

“I don’t care about the way it looks! But keeping all those bad feelings hidden away, it’ll wear you down, big bro...”

Even though he tried to never let Zenko see his current state, it was impossible to completely keep it from her. He hated the idea of covering his wings, but her concern about him had become unbearably overwhelming. He just needed more time to fix things...

He turned back toward the path, which lead into an aged stone temple on the shore of a shimmering lake.

Badd was so overcome by the nostalgia of the view, he nearly overlooked the crouched figure on the roof, completely still, save for the ruffling of his feathers in the gaining wind.

He was crouched low, his snowy wings half unfolded defensively. 

His golden eyes narrowed as Badd instinctively gripped his bat in both hands, twisting his face in anger. The man rose slowly, never taking his eyes off him, and stepped over the ledge. His outstretched wings caught the wind and he landed silently.

The sound of the first, sparse droplets of rain hitting stone filled the stillness between them.

“You…” Badd growled through gritted teeth

“Metal Bat…”

His scowl gave way to a slight smirk, and he closed the distance between them in one fluid movement. He stopped just short of Badd’s reach, unflinching as Badd raised his bat menacingly.

“You look like shit.”

“Garou!” Badd yelled as he unleashed a fury of blows, hitting only raindrops as his opponent nimbly evaded each strike.

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Badd hissed, reeling as Garou leapt behind him.

“You’re supposed to be back in that cesspool you patrol,” He lunged, catching the full force of Badd’s swing in his hand, stopping it midair. “I’ll do whatever I like.” Badd lost his footing as Garou effectively disarmed him. He was sent crashing to the ground before he could recover.

The sky seemed to open at once, releasing an unrelenting torrent of rain. Badd lifted himself, brushing aside the dark strands of hair that clung to his face, squinting through the storm. Garou’s taunting grin had vanished, replaced with a look of disbelief.

“Where’s that Fightin’ Spirit you got?” Garou tossed the bat aside with a clang. He arched a brow as he stepped closer, nearly towering over Badd. “What the hell is wrong with you,” he said darkly, lowering himself until his face was mere inches away from Badd’s.

“Damn you,” Badd cursed, pushing him back to an arm’s length. He unfolded his wet, heavy wings slowly. The downpour had washed away the white he’d covered them with, revealing the dense, black feathers that threatened to overtake him entirely. “Can't you see?”

Without hesitation, Garou half dragged him across the muddy pathway. He roughly shoved him into the dimly lit temple, staying forebodingly quiet. Badd thudded up against the dry stone wall, visibly shaking with chills. Even as his sight adjusted, Garou was hardly recognizable as he practically blended into the shadows of the temple. His eyes seemed to glow as he gave him an accusatory stare.

“You’re a hell of a mess.”

“No shit.”

Garou only scoffed in response.

“Shut up,” Badd said as he hung his head, his disheveled hair hanging low over his face, “you’re the last person I would want to see me like this.”

“But I do see. I see people like this every damn day, but never someone like you.” He paused, but Badd gave no reply.

Someone like me? he questioned silently.

“‘Spose that’s why you’re hiding it then…”

“Damn right that’s why,” Badd glared up at him, “Not ‘cause I give a shit what people think. Because a hero’s gotta be more than just physically strong. I’ve gotta be unwavering, someone that people can believe in…” Badd’s words trailed off quietly.

“God, you’re spouting nonsense too.” Despite his harsh words, the usual malice in his tone had faded. Garou took a step closer, but kept his distance. “Clearly you do give a shit what people think then-”

“I’m just doing what I have to!” Badd shouted over him, “So that I can be Metal Bat. So that I can be a hero Zenko can look up to, and someone who would’ve made my parents proud-”

“It’s killing you.” Garou’s flat tone echoed in the hollow room. Outside, the wind rose to a howling rage.

Badd stared dumbfounded, unable to muster the wit to reply.

“I don’t care what kinda hero you’re trying to be, you’re all the same to me. But if you keep goin’ the way you are, the only hero you’ll be is a dead one. You can’t save anyone if you can’t save yourself.” Badd flinched as Garou crouched in front of him, casually touching his forehead with the back of his hand in an unexpectedly gentle way.

He made a soft tch, hinted with disapproval, and seated himself squarely across from Badd.

“You’re feverish, and you sure as hell didn’t come ready to fight, so why are you here?”

“I thought… It would make me happy,” Badd mumbled, almost incoherently as his eyelids flickered.

“Oi!” Garou caught Badd by the shoulders as he slumped forward. “You don’t get to tap out now!”

Badd gave him a weak grin.

“Like hell I would.”

——————————

Badd came to slowly, blinking in confusion as he woke to a room he didn’t recognize.

An orange hue shone across the bare, white walls, emitting from the single window opposite of where he laid. He was sprawled out on a faded, woven couch, which appeared to be the sole piece of furniture in the empty room.

How the hell’d I get here?

He jerked toward the sound of a doorknob turning, followed by the screech of old door hinges. Garou appeared, pulling back his hood as he entered, disheveling his silvery hair in the process. His face tightened as Badd sat himself upright cautiously.

“You?” 

Garou paused in the middle of removing his jacket, making eye contact briefly before quickly averting his gaze.

“‘Bout time you woke up.” He hung his jacket on the doorknob casually.

Badd glanced around the tiny apartment, realization finally hitting him.

“You… you’ve been living here this whole time?”

“Didn't realize you were lookin’ for me. Figured all  you heroes wanted me gone just as much as I wanted to get away from you.”

“I wasn’t looking for you! And don’t lump me in with everyone else like that.”

“Sorry.” The apology in Garou’s voice sounded irritatingly sincere to Badd. He was studying a loose white feather a little too intently, twisting it between his fingers. “Guess your fever broke overnight then, you should just go-”

“Overnight?!”

Badd reached for his phone in a panic, leaping to his feet. Two alerts appeared as he clicked it on, frowning at the newly cracked screen,

43 missed calls

128 text messages

“Fuck,” Badd hissed.

Garou gave him a slight, toothy grin, amused at his flustered reaction. 

“Duty calls?”

“Shut up,” Badd hastily found his shoes beside the couch, “I was never here, got it?” He added sternly.

“Fine with me…” Badd noted the hint of distraction in his voice.

Garou’s gaze followed him closely as he crossed the room. His eyes widened slightly, as though fascinated.

Badd paused momentarily in the doorway, glancing backwards as if he was going to say something. Ultimately, he gave only a small wave before stepping out into the crisp air, leaving the door ajar in his haste.

Garou, without responding, watched Badd go. He stared in wonder at the receding, slate gray feathers that had replaced the jet black pattern marring his white wings.

After sitting in contemplative silence for a time, he turned and reached out to close the door. A bright flash of sunlight on metal caught his eye.

Leaning against the side of the building was Metal Bat’s signature, bright silver bat that he’d gone to retrieve that morning.

Garou smiled to himself.

“See you again soon, Badd.”

[gingersimasnaps]

I'm not even sorry for this one 💁‍♀️

Vera is AGAIN OOC as fuck because obviously I don't know how to write canon Vera, English is again horrible, and it's angstyyy! 😁

@bakulka @fanfics-she-wrote @everythingabouthatship - I won this one. 😘

Angsty Vermish fic ❤️

This has to be some kind of a fucking joke.

Because no way this situation is happening seriously.

Vera Stone, Grand Magus, is standing in front of new Massachusetts Temple Magus and this just can't be true. She really waits for someone to jump from behind the door, laughing, and telling her it's just a joke, but it doesn't happen.

With almost sheepish smile, Derek Johnson is standing in front of her. Her ex boyfriend. Father of her dead daughter.

"Vera..." He says quietly. "Hi."

She wants to do three hundred things right now. She wants to run, to yell, to claw his eyes out, to hug him, to kiss him, to call Hamish-

Hamish.

The thought of him stops the madness in her head.

"Hi, Derek," she answers simply and tries to hold the cold tone of voice but failes miserably.

"I... Haven't seen you for a long time."

"Not exactly my fault, is it?" she snaps.

"I know, I know, and I'm incredibly sorry, Vera. I really am. I wasn't ready to be a father back then."

She scoffs. "Because I was so ready to be a mother."

Derek holds his hand up as a sign of peace. "I know I was the grand coward," he sighs.

"Yeah, you were. Now, back to the work. You were selected by your Massachusetts chapter and by the Gnostic council as the new Temple Magus. It won't be easy, I warn you. You have to be careful. You have all of your chapter's acolytes under your wing now so listen to me carefully. I don't want to hear about one single unnecessary death from your temple."

She dips into explaining him his duties and tries to ignore his body warmth when he stand closer to her to see what she's showing him in some book.

"I would love to be a part of our child's life if you allow me," Derek says when they're done and after they agree he will stay here for a week or so, to observe her work. Vera tenses up.

"She's dead."

"WHAT?!"

The next thing she knows is she's crying, and Derek rushes to hug her. He doesn't let her go when she sobs out what happened.

Suddenly the door are flying open, and Hamish is standing there, with a drink in his hand. Of course, it's 4 PM. He always brings her drink at this time. And she's still in Derek's embrace.

Hamish watches how she pulls away from the man and how he doesn't want to let her go. He watches his lingering touch while Hamish is setting the glass on her table.

"Your drink, Grand Magus," he says blankly, and turns his back to them.

"Thank you," Vera calls softly, which makes him to turn back again. Her eyes are wet. And so incredibly vulnerable. He wants to hold her. But, obviously, there is someone else to do it now.

"You don't have to thank me, Grand Magus," he answers, and goes away.

Derek stays for more than a week. It's been over a month now. He spends all his time in the Temple. With Vera.

Hamish is just tired and sick of all this. He tries so hard to maintain everything in his life and he feels he just reached the bottom of his strength.

His pack kind of excommunicated him. Randall is mad at him because he's 'not acting as the leader should act', and Jack doesn't care enough, as he's consumed with his relationship with Alyssa. Lilith is the only one who seems to care, but she has her own life. And yet, he's still trying to keep them all safe because excommunicated or not, it's his duty and he needs to do it.

He teaches fucking big bunch of classes now, because Krowchuk is on long term sick leave. He's still Magistratus, so he works for Order as well.

And the most painful thing is the fact Vera is spending all her free time with a man she swore she hates to the guts. And she enjoys it.

The last blow is delivered when he works on the drink for her (yes, he's so stupid he still does that) and hears her loud, genuine laugh from her office, where she is with Derek. After a few seconds, the door opens, and the man walks to the bar.

"I'll take it to her, Magistratus, thank you," he says with a smile. Sly smile. "She will never be yours, young man. I was the first and I will be also the last."

Hamish stands there for a few minutes, feeling completely empty. This has happened only once in his life so far - when Cassie died. Vera is still very much alive, but he lost her also.

Fuck this.

Hamish almost runs from the temple, hops in his car and drives to his parents' cabin, about an hour from Belgrave. Once he turns the engine off, he fishes his phone out of his pocket and types a single message to her.

Derek is telling Vera some story and she listens, of course, when he phone chimes, announcing new message.

"Leave it," says Derek, but she reaches for in anyway.

Hamish [5:26PM] I quit.

"Wait," she silences Derek. What does Hamish mean by quitting? His TA position? The Order? He can't exactly quit Knights. Or does he mean he's quitting them? She dials his number. It rings and rings and rings, but no one answers.

"Fuck," she grits between her teeth and furiously types a message. Then another and another.

Vera [5:30PM] What do you mean?

Vera [5:31PM] What are you quitting??

Vera [5:31PM] Answer me!

Vera [5:32PM] Hamish, please, tell me what's wrong?

Vera [5:35PM] This is not funny.

Vera [5:48PM] Hamish where are you? Tell me where you are.

Vera [5:54PM] MAGISTRATUS, COOPERATE!!!

Derek watches her attempts to contact him and of course he doesn't like it. Vera is his. She shouldn't give a fuck about the BOY when she has *the* MAN next to her. He tries to bring her attention back to him, but with no success. Vera tries another call, and this time the person answers.

"Ms. Bathory, do you happen to know where Hamish is?" she asks immediately, to hell with Mr. Duke.

"Why do you suddenly care?" asks Lilith back in her typical 'Kilith' way.

"Ms. Bathory-"

"Because to me, you didn't seem to bother with Hamish during the past month."

"Can you please tell me where he is?" Vera's voice is soft and if Lilith wouldn't know her, she would say she's almost begging.

"I don't know," she gives up. "But I would check the cabin. His parents own it, we crashed there once or twice for holidays. I'll send you the address."

"Thank you, Lilith," Vera says and ends the call. After a minute, Lilith really sends her the address.

"What's going on?" Derek asks for like 108th time.

"Hamish, the man who makes all the drinks texted me 'I quit' and I need to find him," Vera answers. "Whatever is happening, I'll help him to find a solution."

"Well if he wants to leave then let him leave, no? After all, it's gonna be better for you."

Vera turns to him with disbelief. "Excuse me?!"

"It's more than obvious the boy is in love with you. He's so bad at hiding it he could tattoo it on his forehead. Poor kid no way reaches your limits, not even with some branch two meters long. And I already told him now that I'm here, he doesn't need to bother anymore. Let him leave. It's for the best."

Grand Magus feels pure rage flooding in her veins. "What LIMITS are you talking about, Derek?! Who the fuck gave you the right?!"

Derek smiles. "Honey, we both feel we're the right match for each other. Don't deny it." He tries to reach for her, but she yanks her hand from his grasp.

"Oh my fucking God, I can't believe I was so stupid! I really thought you want to learn about your work, but all this time, you were just trying to get into my panties! And how do you even dare to talk to Hamish about him bothering or not?!" she's literally screaming on top of her lungs.

"If you need to know it, we were a thing long before you came here. Me and Hamish, and I was the one who iniciated it. I never want to have anything with you again, because it's you who can't reach HIS limits. Hamish would never- fuck this. You don't deserve to know him at all."

"Now who's running from who?!" Derek yells when she gathers her belongings, ready to chase Hamish to the other side of the planet if she needs to.

"I'm not running from you. I'm running TO him. And I'm not leaving you knocked up at 16 with words 'I don't fucking want to be dad, God knows who you fucked with!'" Vera hisses, and magically throws - literally - him out of her office.

She's driving fast, violating the speed limits, but her heart is pounding painfully in her chest and her mind is screaming at her to go even faster. What had she done? What had possessed her that she almost dumped her source of happiness and joy for Derek?! How could she hurt Hamish so much, when she promised to herself multiple times she never wants to hurt him?

Suddenly, her hands grip the steering wheel with such force her knuckles turn white.

Please, please, oh God please, he didn't think he's quitting his LIFE, right?!

She feels bile in her throat and swallows forcefully. The image of his lifeless body is in front of her eyes and a sob escapes her. No. No, no, no, no, no, NO. He wouldn't do that, not because of her, she's not worth it!!!

Vera drives even faster.

When she arrives, it's 6:47PM. Normally, she would be impressed she managed to get there so fast, but now, everything she needs is to know Hamish is alive.

Vera doesn't bother with knocking or whatever, she just bursts through the door.

Hamish is sitting on the couch, in front of TV that is switched off, and just stares at the black screen.

"Hamish-" Vera manages to breathe and he looks at her. There is so much pain in his eyes she almost cries out.

"What do you want, Grand Magus," Hamish sighs, and she drops her purse in the floor and runs to him.

"You," she says. "I want you and I want us, forever. I'm so sorry, Hamish, for everything I put you through. For the past month. I'm so sorry, can you forgive me? Please... I don't know what to do without you. I don't know how to breathe right when you're not next to me."

"You have Derek now, don't you?" he says, and she puts her hands on his cheeks.

"No. I don't even wanna know what he told you but it's not true. I never wanted him back. I have to admit it was interesting for me to have him around again, but I never wanted him back as my boyfriend, or partner, or lover or whatever connected with feelings. I have you for all of these things. And you have me, Hamish. You have all of me." She climbs in his lap and feels so relieved when Hamish wraps his hands around her waist.

"I love you, Hamish. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you, and I never will. Can you forgive me? I'm not asking for instant forgiveness, but someday?"

Hamish leans in and kisses her, and Vera kisses back, with all the 'I'm sorry' and 'I love you' and 'I want you' and basically every emotion she's feeling.

After their century long kissing (and yet it's not enough, it never can be enough), Vera hugs him tightly, presses his face into his neck, and Hamish is swinging them slowly and gently from left to right. Neither of them says a word, and they don't need to. Vera just wants to spend rest of her life engulfed in his embrace, and Hamish never wants to let her go. They both came home today.

Home is where the heart is.

[parkjess]

Astro reaction to you telling them they’re gonna be fathers.

Requested by my best bestie: @kittychloe16

Myungjun:

“Honey...” you walk up to your husband when he enters the house you two share after a day at work. You were feeling unwell for the past few days so you decided to check if by any chance, you carry a human inside of you.

This morning was one of your most nerving day, you woke up because you had to throw up and then you took the test. Which at first was one light line so you thought for a moment that you only caught a cold, but it was way more than that. -“Hey, What is it?” You slip your hands around your hubby’s waist and he hugs you tight, concerned by the tone of your voice. “Baby...” you start to tear up and you sob into his shirt, -“it’s okay, just tell me what wrong.” He brushes your hair with his fingers and calms you down. “I’m-“ the tears slowly choke you, “Baby...” you whisper-sob again. -“Yes, I’m here honey, it’s okay.” “No, I have a baby... inside me. Myungjun, were going to have a baby.” Your words turn into an echo inside his head very quick after you finish your sentence. His eyes open widely in disbelief as he quickly place his hand on your stomach. -“Goodness! Are you for real?!” He exclaimed in pure excitement, honestly you never saw him this excited before. You nod your head and cry as he pulls you closer to his chest again. -“You’re having a mini Myungjun inside baby, why aren’t you excited?!” You cry from happiness, because you carry a mini Myungjun in your own body.

Jinwoo:

It’s been a month since you last saw, felt, kissed, hugged your husband. You had no choice because that’s his work and you’re really supportive and everything.

But you couldn’t hold it in anymore, you found out you’re pregnant few days ago but you can’t say a word to anyone, and the person who is ‘guilty’ in this case, is on a world tour right now. You were sitting in your room crying every now and then, missing Jinwoo but can’t talk to people, not even to your parents. You can’t let anyone know before your husband knows. Apparently your child was stronger than you even when he’s not born yet, so you forced yourself to facetime jinwoo.

“Hey babe.” He answers with the cute nickname he’s used to call you. -“I have something to tell you.” he didn’t even notice the tears that were falling down your cheeks because you looked down the whole time. Before he could say another thing or reply with ‘what’s wrong’, you just had to say these words out loud, and so you lifted your face to the phone. “I’m pregnant.” You said that, and in that moment, his whole world had changed. But it was so fun saying those two words that were bothering you for whatever feels like forever. “You’re WHAT?!” He said surprised. “BABE! Oh my god!”

-“I’m sorry you had to hear that over a FaceTime, I just couldn’t hide it anymore.” You apologize, for literally something that wasn’t your fault. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m so glad babe! I love you so much.” He says in excitement and kisses the screen of his phone, you do the same. Bc. “Babe please don’t cry, I love you, and I miss you like crazy but I’m gonna see you soon okay? Oh my god I still can’t believe that!”

Dongmin:

You and dongmin were a couple for 3 years already and he proposed to you after a year, actually, today is your first anniversary as a married couple. And the day you found out that in a year from now on, the love of your life and you are gonna hold a little human you both love more than each other.

-“NO WAY! F**k, baby!” You shout from the bathroom, tears are filling your eyes. He hurries to check up on what’s wrong, seeing you there, standing against the sink with a white stick in your hand and the other one covers your mouth. The pregnancy test was in your drawer since you got married just in case you feel unwell and have a feeling there’s a baby in you. -“DONGMI-“ he steals the white stick from your hand and takes a quick look to approve this is what he thinks it is. “I’m so happy!” He hugs you immediately, tightly, and it feels like he will never let you go from his grip.

After a few minutes of calling your parents to announce the exciting news, he lifts up your shirt a bit to expose your tummy, place some kisses on it, you laugh while seeing him like that. And he starts to talk to the lil human (look at the pic above and imagine).

Moonbin:

After keeping it a secret from your boyfriend/husband, you decide to take him to a restaurant date.

-“Baby,” you take his hands in yours and your heart starts to beat as fast as you never knew before. -“I have something for you.” You stare into each other’s eyes and you leave one of his hands to get something from the purse beside you. You place the little socks on the empty table, (this is already after a meal you shared, to loosen the stress). He looks at you in confusion, wondering if he’s thought are right. -“Congratulations daddy.” You simply whisper, but loud enough for him to hear. “YOU ARE- oh my GOD.” He screams from happiness. Taking the little socks in his hands and places them between both of yours and his, so that both of you hold it, intertwining fingers. “Congratulations MOMMY.” He says and softly kisses the back of your hands.

Minhyuk: warning: longest reaction🤦🏻‍♀️

You were waiting for him to come back home after work, it is 8pm and you made a fancy dinner to announce him the news you were waiting to tell for your whole life.

He finally entered home, you hid in your shared bedroom as if you were getting dressed as he got into shower. Meanwhile you decorated the dining table, he got out of the shower, meeting you, dressed fancy in high heels and a dress. -“Baby,” you walk up to him, meeting his gaze for the first time today, you missed him like crazy.

“Wow baby, you look beautiful. What is it all for?” He asks as you wrap your arms around his neck, pecking him in between words. You LOVE his smell, and his touch, and HIM in general. He smiles through the small kisses you place on his lips. -“I missed you so much.” You say, he places a soft kiss right under your jawline, and another one on your neck. “Me too.” He replies and you lead him to the dining table.

In the middle of dinner, while chit-chatting about how was your day, he places a hand on yours that is resting on the table. “What did you want to tell me?” Huh? How does he know? Oh right, that pregnancy stupidity, you forget everything that you wanna do or tell. Apparently you texted him earlier that you have something to tell him. You take a deep breath, close your eyes and turn your head to face the ceiling. -“Minhyuk, I am... you are going, ok relax. Don’t panic, please?” The words don’t come out easily as your hand starts to shake under his touch. “Baby~ just tell me, it’ll be fine.” Okay, here it goes. -“Baby, I am carrying your... ah- child. I’m pregnant, Minhyuk.” The tears weren’t asking for your permission and started to fall down your cheeks. (Now take a look at the pic above to see what his face looks like after you announce him.) He looks at you with eyes full of love, can’t believe what his ears just heard. “Baby- are you really?!” He was calm, he was soft, but his heart had a party inside. He was the most loving person to you carrying his child, and he was the happiest to be your man.

Sanha:

Oh come on, father who? He needs a babysitter.

You would probably tell him about taking the pregnancy test because both of you are young (I know minhyuk and moonbin are too tho lmao) and scared to death.

He was scared even more than you because he was the drama queen in your relationship. But what you didn’t know is that he really was hoping you are pregnant with his child.

You were screaming together while waiting for the line to show a dark pink shade, and when it did, he almost passed out. Jk. He kissed your forehead after the both of you calmed down from the first moment realizing. He slowly pushed you to the wall and kissed you slowly and gently.

“I’m so happy it happend.”

[sorashiro001]

BlueShift's Stream from Other Side of The Screen

POV you are a bored Twitch streamer and decided to scroll through your recommendation stream page on Twitch. 

A Freemanverse Casual-Competitive Gaming AU Oneshot.

You are bored. Not much of your favourite streamers were going live in Twitch and you need your daily entertainment. Sleeping is futile, so you decided to check on your recommendation list. One of the recommended streams caught your eyes immediately with their title.

  Day 1 of attempting to stream peacefully (VetExpert asleep, STFU)

BlueShift (5k viewers)

You remembered BlueShift, he was one of the top 20 AWPer in CSGO and one of the top pro players in NA Region. He then retired from the game to become a streamer after getting benched and replaced by his old teammate but quickly getting another attention when he showed up again in the pro-league scene, this time in R6S. Many of his fans weren't happy with his decision to ditch his old stage, but it was a refreshing starting point for some of his older fans.

Another name in the title also one of the reasons the stream caught your eyes.

VetExpert? That name echoed through your memories, reopening some of them. You remembered how enthusiastic your gaming friends were when you asked them about that name. Apparently, the username belongs to a prodigy at FPS games, from the first Counter-Strike and Call of Duty franchise to their latest ones, pulling out one-tap shots and out-of-box strats. The man also rumoured to be a genius in his academic days, getting his PhD at a very young age in MIT, yet you're confused why he threw his potential away and turned into a pro player instead.

You quickly shook those thoughts out and clicked on the stream, oblivious to the chaos awaiting behind the screen.

"Dagnabit, their Ash is blind as hell."  The familiar southern accented voice filled your ears as you watched the man, currently playing as Smoke, throwing his gas canisters to Bank Garage in Basement and watched as the yellow toxic gas filling up the area widely. Seconds later, Blue got three confirmed kills with his gas. "Poor whoever those two followin' that dumbass."

You could hear a crackling noise from the game's voice chat, this time it's from his squadmate; Hawkeye01.BMesa.  "TOUCH THE FINAL TWO AND YOU ALL DEAD TO ME!!!"

 Damn, he's one loudmouth fella-

And just like that, 4th round finally ended with the final two headshot kills and the game ended in Blue's team victory. You caught a glimpse of the last killcam and stared in awe as Hawk obliterated those last two attackers with Vigil's double-barrel BOSG shotgun in just two headshots. The voice chat erupted in cheers of disbelief or simply laughed along, while Blue chuckled in amusement and Hawk grunted in satisfaction. In the end, Hawk's Vigil stood up in the middle of his team victory screen as the MVP. Blue flashed the scoreboard, and you felt your jaw dropped.

Hawkeye01.BMesa got 17 kills and 0 death, followed by BlueShift.BMesa 3 kills and a single death.

This man got at least 2 aces in the match.

Holy shit, what kind of monster is Hawk-

Even before you finished your thought, a medium brunette-haired man barged into Blue's room and quickly threw himself into the streamer, knocking him out from the chair and let out a pained groan. The screen then shifted from the game's home screen to a full view of his room. The room's size isn't too big nor small, a Black Mesa esports jersey is hanged on the wall right behind him along with posters of his old CSGO team members and a single bed with a blue-orange sheet cover. On top of it, however, you could see another brunette, this time with short messy hair, was sleeping peacefully while wrapping his body in a puffy orange lambda-symbol blanket despite the chaos happening in there. A pair of black square-framed glasses sat on the nightstand beside the bed. You guessed he's VetExpert from the stream title alone.

"Ross, I'm still streamin' here-"  His panicky voice was interrupted by the brunette man's oddly-familiar hysterical laughter. The brunette man stood up tall and fixed his glasses' position, looming over the southern streamer while smirking, full of his ego.

"Who cares?! I beat your highest kills!!!" The man cackled out loud, his rattail-tied brunette hair swayed as he grabbed a beanbag chair and threw it on him.   "You fuckers finally witness my fucking pure fragging skills, unlike those cowards at last time major."

What does this man mean by- oh.

 He's talking about those 17 kills.

 He's that fucker Hawkeye01.

You quickly check the stream chat and witnessing a chaotic clash between two sides. There are the ones that spamming PogChamp and Popcorn emoji, and the others spamming random copypastas to "Ward off Ross' shitshow", while you and (maybe) a handful of people could only type "???" on it. There even Bits spams and multiple donation notifs with its TTS mostly consisting from "Ross get the fuck out, I'm playing Minecraft!" to "GORDOS YOUR BOYFRIEND GOT ATTACKED BY A FUCKING FIEND WAKE UP!"

 ...Wait, who's Gordos?

As if on cue, the short brunette haired man sat upright, rubbing his eyes while yawning widely, and effectively stop the current chaos somehow. Those two froze in their place, eyes staring at the short-haired brunette as he also staring back at them. The freshly-woke up Vet blinked twice before signing something, he points at them and formed his hand to make ASL fingerspelling of O and K with added confused expression. Both men went silent for a moment, then nodded in sync. It seemed to please the sleepy man because he went back to burying himself again inside his puffy blanket. The room went deadly silent, only sound of Blue's CPU fan could be heard.

You thought it was over, but you were wrong. Badly wrong.

From the background, you heard a loud fire alarm noise accompanied by panic screeching and angry screaming, sending both men scrambling out from the room. Between those muffled panic screams from outside the room, you saw another brunette, this time he's way bigger than other brunette men, busting down the door, grabbed Vet out from the bed with his blanket, then put him on his shoulder like a sack and ran out again. White-grayish smokes slowly seeping in through the door and filling the bedroom, successfully getting on your nerve. You quickly opened the chat again and found another two separate sides, this time in betting who's the one cooking and causing the fire (most of the name in the bets were either Dean and Antoine-whoever, you didn't know about them much) and some of them mentioned that they'd called the team's "Administrator" (or as the chat typed; @min. that's one strange username, you thought). As the smoke was getting thicker, you decided to spent your own Bits for the TTS to gain the chaotic chat's attention.

[privatepolar] is giving Bits x500: "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN PLEASE???"

The chat slowly sent fewer messages after that TTS message, saved for the bets and small amount of copypastas, but somehow it raised a red flag inside your brain.

What comes next almost short-circuited your brain cells.

[OwOGamer] is giving Bits x10: "Bet u r a newcomer to this stream. Don't worry dis 1 is milder."

WHAT DO THEY MEAN BY "MILDER"?! THIS ISN'T A SERIOUS THING FOR THEM???

[helpmeimdying] is giving Bits x50: "Yo should we tell them about how gordos obliterated ross with a crowbar?"

WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK?! ISN'T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ILLEGAL??

[Ashe.R6] is giving Bits x100: "nah lets go with wayne chase tf out of dean for cussing in front of joshie (1/2)"

Oh, this one isn't sound too bad- wait why it's got split into two parts-

[Ashe.R6] is giving Bits x100: "then john tackled wayne to ground along w/ barney and antoine sandwiched them all (2/2)"

...You could feel your sanity slowly draining out the longer you listen to Bits TTS' robotic voice as if to mock you for being the only sane one here. You silently begging to whatever the ones that took your sanity away for a peaceful death.

The last thing you heard in the background was a sound of the fire department's siren as the stream came to a sudden stop.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, you subscribed to his Twitch channel.

Screw your sanity, you wanted to see more of the mayhem behind BlueShift's stream.

You lightly chuckled to yourself.

You've become the very thing you'd feared, and you don't regret it at all.

[ba-responds]

Catharsis (Villain!Deku x Fem!Reader) Chapter Nine

A/n: Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, but with the start of the new semester, everything has been hectic. I’m taking 7 classes (for a total of 17 credits), and working part time, so I’ve been busy. As such, I plan on trying to update at least once every two weeks. 

Other than that, I just spoiled some BNHA for myself *cry face*. I haven’t read the manga yet, but now I have to because what I spoiled for myself hurts my heart. Anyway, Enjoy!

This story will contain dark themes! Please read the warning!

Summary: An unexpected death of a loved one can lead to a sudden influx of emotions. Those same emotions can become repressed, as denial and disbelief comes into play. In this time, one would seek a means of catharsis, a release from those strong, repressed emotions. But what would you do if that means of catharsis, the same release you sought so hard for, becomes addicting? To the extent, that you feel you can not live without it? What if it can’t live without you? **WARNING: This story MAY contain; bullying, suicide, depression, torture, manipulation, mentions of sexual assault, and MORE! You have been warned.

Masterlist

Prologue II Chpt 1 II Chpt 2 II Chpt 3 II Chpt 4 II Chpt 5 II Chpt 6 II Chpt 7 II Chpt 8 II Chpt 9 II Check Masterlist for more!

Chapter Nine: Facing Fears and Training Sessions

There weren’t many times since he became All Might, in which Toshinori felt the levels of anxiety and dread he was currently feeling. Could that even sum up what he felt? Was his racing heart due to anxiety, or guilt? Was the pit in his stomach due to dread, or just fear?

Fear of what?

What did the Number One Hero All Might, one of the greatest heroes of all time, have to fear? 

To simply put it, there was a lot he had to fear. 

There was disappointing his people. That was a major one; one that has been plaguing his mind since he became the Symbol of Peace. He didn’t want to disappoint anyone, they relied on him too much.

There was also him leaving the world without another symbol of peace that would replace him. Though, this fear is slowly disappearing as he already began training his successor to take his place. His successor was strong. He’ll be able to do it. All Might believed in him.

But then there was another fear of his. One that only recently began to torment him. One that he decided he had to face today.

Toshinori stood quietly in front of a townhouse, taking deep breaths to calm his racing heart. 

Breathe.

He ran his hands down his front, straightening out the white button-up shirt he neatly tucked into his black slacks. His blue eyes gazed at the door he knew he would have to knock on. 

His All Might form would bring the confidence he needed, he knew that, but...All Might wasn’t the one needed here. Not the figure. The person inside was the one needed. Toshinori Yagi was the one that was needed.

Neither of his forms were very good at socializing, but he would push through it all just to save at least one person. To not disappoint.

Not again.

With that in mind, he quickly made his way to the door, raising his hand and giving three firm knocks. He took another deep breath, listening intently for any movement from inside. It took a few seconds, but he heard the telltale sounds of the slow steps of someone getting closer. Straightening out his shoulders, Toshinori attempted to put a small, comforting smile on his face, but he knew it would look forced.

Nevertheless, he smiled softly as the door creaked open, revealing a face that terrified him, in ways that weren’t typical.

There she stood.

Cheeks hollowed; eyes reddened; green hair matted to her head; clothes wrinkled with stains on them; a stench emitting from her, but she clearly didn’t care.

Inko Midoriya stood in front of his with blank, dead eyes, looking at him as if he was a nuisance.

“What?” she muttered harshly, leaning against the door as if it was the only thing that was keeping her up-right. Toshinori gulped before taking a deep breath, his once never-ending smile faltering for a second, but his voice came out strong.

“My name is Toshinori Yagi. I work at U.A. as a teacher and counselor-”

“I’ve already told the police all that I know,” Her voice cracked as she took a step back, going to close the door, before Toshinori quickly blocked her, shaking his head frantically.

“No! I’m not here to ask questions. I’m here to…” What was he here for? He couldn’t tell her the truth, no, even if it was alright for her to know he was All Might, he wouldn’t be able to face her. He could barely face her as is. “I know with the recent disappearance, and the emergence of the video of (Y/n) (L/n), there have been a lot of people questioning you about your son. I’m here to ask, if you are okay. You’ve lost two children--I know (L/n) wasn’t your actual child, but I know you treated her as one. And...and I just wanted to check in on you…”

Inko stared at him for a few moments, her eyes welling up with tears. Then, taking a shaky breath, she stepped back, opening the front door wider. 

“P-please come in...sorry for the mess I’ve been-I haven’t been able to…” She trailed off, staring down at the floor. Toshinori nodded quickly, before stepping through the threshold of the door.

“Thank you.”

It was time to face his fear.

To finally face the mother of the two children he let down.

Breathe.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

You took a deep breath as you glanced around the room, eyeing the three figures in front of you. Shigaraki, Kurogiri, and Izuku stood silently in front of a T.V. stand in the main bar area of the building you resided in. The screen displayed a ‘Sound-Only’ message, but the voice coming from it was clear and loud.

“Are you sure, Tomura?” The voice asked, making you gulp and glance at Shigaraki. This was it. This decided your fate.

It's been nearly a month since you first arrived, and it was only a few hours ago that the video of your ‘kidnapping’ had been raised to the surface of the internet. Now that the public knew you were ‘taken’ by the villain Deku, there has been outrage against U.A. for keeping your kidnapping a secret for the past few weeks. In the morning there would be a press conference with U.A. as they try to dig themselves out of the grave they buried themselves in. 

It was this, that made an idea pop into Shigaraki’s mind. What better way of getting back at All Might, then turning one of his own students publicly against him?

That then lead you to the situation you were in right now. Shigaraki asked for his ‘Master’s’ approval to make you an official member of the League of Villains. You were already in the process of getting ‘properly trained’ by Izuku, which Shigaraki made sure to explain to his master.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your mouth dropped in a low moan. Your skin felt as if it was tingling; it felt as if waves of warm pleasure was rushing through your body in waves that made you discombobulated.

Where were you again?

What was happening?

You couldn’t tell, it felt as if you were forgetting the present as it was happening. It was as if you were incapable of forming new memories.

“Turn on your quirk,” a voice whispered in your head.

You knew that voice. It was the source of the pleasure. The addicting pleasure that had you panting for more. 

Eagerly, you did as it said, feeling another wave of pleasure crash into you in reward. Your arms crossed in front of you as your knees went weak for a quick moment, but you managed to stay standing straight. 

“Straight ahead,” the voice muttered once again. You licked your dry lips, before lifting a hand ahead of you, blindly following what the voice said. You...felt your quirk connect to something and used it to grab ahold of whatever it was. Even though you couldn’t see where it was, you felt a slight pulse in your body, affirming that you grabbed the right thing. This was different than anything you ever felt before when using your quirk; it was almost as if you could feel the outline of the object in your hand. You were never able to do that before. How were you able to---

Another wave of pure bliss took over you, sending your mind astray and making you lose focus. Your attention diverted to the voice once again.

“Squeeze.”

You did as it said, tightening your hold against the object. 

You needed more. More of the overwhelming ecstasy. Anything for more. 

“Keep ahold of it. Now, the object behind you.”

You immediately shot your other hand behind you, using your quirk to almost scan the area you couldn’t see, until you felt the pulse in your body again, making you clutch whatever it was tight.

“To the left.”

You did the same thing as before, this time only turning your head in that direction to lock your quirk on it, making sure that you also kept ahold of the two other items in your control.

More. Please give me more.

“Good.”

A brief ripple of pleasure past you, satisfying the craving for only a fleeting second. You began paying extra attention to the voice, waiting desperately for another command.

“Crush.”

Instantly, you pulverized whatever you had in your hold, nearly feeling it shatter in your hand.. You continued to crush it, waiting for either the pleasure to overtake you, or for another command to come in. You were quickly rewarded with a large avalanche of ecstasy, sending you breathlessly onto your knees, your body convulsing as you involuntarily curled into yourself.

After a few seconds, the blurriness of everything ebbed away, leaving you a heaving mess on the floor. Your vision faded in, your senses coming back as a hand gently rubbed your back. The same voice from before muttered words of praise into your ear as you gathered your bearings.

Glass. 

Glass, shards of thick plastic, and heaps of cotton surrounded you on the floor. You lazily glanced around the room, seeing broken training dummies and destroyed sheets of glass scattering the messy room. Your eyes then drifted towards Izuku, who knelt beside you with a proud gleam in his eyes. You shakily stood on your feet, Izuku wrapping an arm around your back, in case your knees gave out.

You determinedly turned towards the door, where Shigaraki stood with his arms crossed, giving him a smug smile as you waited for his comments on how you did on proving yourself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“Yes, I’m sure. She’s a good ally to have on our team.” Shigaraki said. His master hummed in agreement.

“And you girl. How do we know you won’t turn against us?” The voice questioned, making you shoot upright, straightening your back even though you doubted he could see you.

“I’ll do anything for Izuku. And if he wishes to dedicate his life to Shigaraki, so will I, Sir,” You stated simply, showing where your loyalties lie and wanting to tell the truth. 

As long as Izuku was on their side, so were you. 

As long as Izuku protected Shigaraki, so would you.

Your life was his.

~~