#I cant take it i love them all too much
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moldy-flowers · 6 months ago
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Cant take Naruto seriously cause I know for a fact whenever his baby teeth started to wobble just a little he'd rip them right out and all I have is the image of Naruto walking into class 20 minuites late with 7 less teeth than he had yesterday
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hinamie · 7 months ago
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please any atla gojo lore. anything please im begging on my knees hands pressed together like im praying to god
I really wish I could anon :'> we tried to think of non-spoiler-y lore we could share but turns out every aspect of his character is either a. major spoilers or b. a near-direct echo of canon but make it atla flavoured (ie. his relationships w/ geto/shoko/nanami/haibara; him being The Strongest(tm) in-universe, etc). I guess there's technically the satosugu betrothal but that's already Public Knowledge given that there's art, plus the details are (surprise!) more spoilers
so ...yeah.... unfortunately you'll just have to wait to learn more about him in the fic :"> please accept this compensatory art as apology even though i am Not sorry in fact the pleas of the commonfolk make me cackle
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jjk atla!au with @philosophiums
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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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tubbytarchia · 1 year ago
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Somewhere in the woods, a moth tires of seeking light
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coolnonsenseworld · 2 months ago
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A little promo with my little obsession on the side...........
Reminder all items are shipped from Poland - for details on shipping times check out FAQ or send me a private message!
 mmezzy.bigcartel.com
#klance#halloween au#im projecting on the internet my own impostor syndrome#i feel that im awful and should be learning how to draw instead of writing shitty fics#and when i want to write a post and share a little doodle or smth - 'sorry' is right between the lines and its so frustrating#like???? nobody probably cares#im either here or im not#and if i need to finish that little abomination of a fic then so be it you'd think people wouldnt mind too much#and would still want to listen to my captions and see whatever silly doodle however silly it is as long as its true#..............but what if its all redundant#what if i cant draw after i had to flip my entire routine upside down#and will forever chase a thrill of feeling like a prolific artist and it will be always out of reach now#what if people scroll past my art and feel nothing now#what if world is filled with people who kinda hate klance but stay out of reflex and not bc its their deeply routed source of comfort#what if i reached an artistic plateau and will never be good enough#what if this is the limit of my 'talent'#what if i will forever love the projects i want to share but will always hate the execution of it wanting to fix it fix it fix it learn mor#i keep reading the little notes i get on orders#some screenshots i saved#i find good words and opinions and love letters to art as a whole#and i feel insufficient#subpar#i drew a comic about it to an old poem and still havent finished it#there is a point of trying your best when it stops feeling like a challenge and feels like a failure#its the moment where you keep going of course#and yet#there are emotions im sure nobody shares on social media bc we just try to get through them#but who else will take it better than tumblr tags#either way if im less around its because im dealing with creational self-hatred and artistic ambitions#but on the other hand arent all artists like that? i ran out of tag space btw have an awesome weekend
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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cherik hallmark movie au send tweet
reading this roused a visceral reaction within me im so sorry if you had something wholesome in mind
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moonsaver · 3 months ago
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What if i wrote something for the yandere visual novel prescription: love. What then.
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spinecurlingmice · 7 days ago
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grabs you by the shoulders frantically. i understand communication can be very daunting and scary especially if you were never taught to do it / it had consequences growing up but if you never even try you wont learn. and im begging you. BEGGING YOU. hey no you dont get to look away grabs your face . to realize that your lack of effort affects every single relationship or it will. if you think it wont ever come up in any type of relationship - romantic or not - you are very wrong. if you want a lasting friendship, relationship, familial relationship, etc, you have Got to accept there are things that will need to be communicated. not only are you fucking yourself over but you're making the people around you feel like shit too because you're deciding that ghosting is the best course of action instead of just telling people what you want them to hear.
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ra-vio · 22 days ago
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#art summary#i have to clear out my phone. im hoping that if i remove all the nier rein screenshots ill have space#im almost certain its all the rein screenshots cause. they’re bigger than most pics and i had a lot#otherwise im not cooked but god i hope its that easy#i dont make resolutions but i hope i draw more next year#the problem with art summaries is youll have months where you draw a lot#months where yiu draw 10 good things and then every other month is empty#but you drew. so you cant look at art summaries with emoty months and get sad#but like i didn’t draw as much this year lmao too much going on in my head#i was gonna say i rarely drew but i draw so much more than the average person#what i really mean is i didn’t finish anything#i was in my dA gallery the other day and I really used to draw a fully colored piece everyday on high school#absolutely mad. and we (me and my friends) all used to do it#i just had a thought: a majority of my friends draw <- thoughts for later#i had to answer the door so I forgot what i was talking about#i think that. what i was getting at was that behavior really screws up what’s a healthy relationship with art?#like when you’re a kid you have time and when you’re inexperienced and don’t know you’re more forgiving on your mistakes#whereas now if i draw one thing a week thats a job well done to me. im so busy i can’t take it out on myself and i dont#and of course the sms algorithm but I don’t play with the algorithm#but yeah everyone i grew up drawing with friends or ppl i follow stopped drawing or just posting a lot and I’ve been thinking about it a lot#an artist i really like used to post a whole bunch of art dumps everyday. just doodles on different series and i loved seeing them#but they stopoed posting. working on being that kind of artist for me. we got xx art at home situation#if any of that makes sense
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qcomicsy · 8 months ago
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Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.
#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it#I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool#fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell#marvel through at him#but rant aside#it's just–#I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched#comic book and aren't pretending to do so#people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something#comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining#and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and#and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core#aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them#you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon#and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon#content as fannon#and *refuse* to leave either#Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are#how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them*#and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun*#but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore#I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too#but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them*#I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore#sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics#I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters#Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore#fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love#nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007#vent
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sneeb-canons · 1 year ago
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Don't know if it's needed, but TW for mentions of suicide. (It's not really that big, but I still put it just in case.)
If Sans Undertale were to judge them (plus Whole) based on what happened throughout the series, I think it would go something like this:
Heart: Sans would let him pass, but he's most definitely keeping an eye on him. (Trying to shoot Mind)
Mind: Judgement when completing Pacifist, yet you were rude. (Mocking Heart, yet not really committing any acts that would potentially have him earn EXP.) [Is there even a different judgement for being rude during a Pacifist run? I seriously don't even know–]
Soul: Would probably be given a bad time. (Threatening Heart and Mind, threatening suicide, probably killing the two in a few timelines, etc.)
Whole: Would be given a lecture to STOP RESETTING TIMELINES. (Obvious; he would forget five seconds later.)
Headcanon #230
#chonny jash#submission#cj mind#cj heart#cj soul#cj whole#i love this idea#i think they'd be p much how they are in the album [like you said basically]#like Mind & Heart wouldn't end up with any exp [well prolly a low amount rlly]#even if they try or act like it. they never actually kill the other. at most just harm them#soul is the only one that has the will to do so but only if he's pushed that far#if Mind & Heart were to kill anyone. they'd both immediately reset afterward#heart does so accidentally either like. accidentally harming a monster or in self defense an kinda an emotional outburst [like the gunshot]#mind would end up taking it *just* too far & do too much damage [again like in the album]#both feel HORRIBLE after it all & immediately reset#Soul would only do it outta self defense rlly. and it would be against a strong enemy like the CORE monsters or like Undyne or smthin#i feel like a total worst possible scenario. like if a genocide route were even a thing for any of them. it would be from Soul#like maybe no matter how many times they get an ending they cant get “the right one”. like say they're all stuck doing neutral endings#[cos they aint whole or whatever]#so he just empties the whole underground hoping that#in the end he'd have enough control over the timeline or M&H that he can get the good ending or at least try somthin different#again that's like a rlly big maybe tho lol. if a geno route were to ever occur. dunno if soul would even get through it all#cos 1. he'd still feel horrible about it & 2. mind & heart would at some point work together against him.#In short. none of them would actually kill with malicious intent. just by accident or outta self preservation#As for Whole. Hes just like. A guy™ Wouldnt kill no matter what. Like when he knows he can reset. He'll just come back & do smthin differen#Also yes he would def reset a shit ton. Both from dying & wanting to see different paths [also definitely learned sans' secret passwords]#whether you see him as a separate entity from HMS or not. He's the only one that can get the pacifist ending. or at least start it.#sans views on em basically; M&H-ur aight just like. chill out sometimes. Soul-def relate on the whole “there's no going back/give up” thing#but also take a breather my guy. Whole- ur doin gr8 buddy love the attitude just stop reseting an just get to the fuckin surface already jf#you should NOT have brought undertale into this. This shit is my everything. I even had to shorten all this cos there were too many tags
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spacedlexi · 11 months ago
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Hi Lexi
What do you think of partially blinded Vi? You never seem to draw her that way, and I kind of just wanted to know what do you think of it as a certified Vi lover.
I personally think that while something like this can be "cool" (as in, being beneficial to the character design), it's handled quite poor for Vi and it just looks a bit... ungrateful. Simply doesn't look good, doesn't fit her personality or character (am I missing something?) and it doesn't seem to fit or suit her...unlike Kenny's iconic eyepatch. To me, it has become a pivotal thing in his design to a degree in which Kenny with both eyes seems a bit odd looking. I see it as a symbol which stands for Ken being a martyr and all he's lost and sacrificed. He is all about family and helping those he loved, his loved ones truly were the "apple of his eye". It all makes sense, doesn't it?
But for Vi, it's excatly the opposite. I'm just so sorry to see her like this. 😭😭😭 I don't think it makes sense in any way. Louis losing his tongue because he's so talkative and "won't shut up" does kind of make sense, but I cant help but see Violet losing sight as kind of lazy writing. "We need something bad happening to her!!! suffer the children!!!'- the writers exclaimed.
i think vi losing her eyesight is incredibly impactful on her character and i honestly dont understand why some people say its lazy writing. especially since it was foreshadowed multiple times. vi losing her eyesight i think is even more impactful on her character than louis losing his tongue because at least louis still has his music to express himself and uplift spirits through (and its not like he cant communicate At All. his note still makes clem laugh). the reason i dont draw blind vi very often is because of how sad it is to me. for multiple reasons
violets whole thing is wanting to be able to protect the people she cares about, and feels immense grief and guilt about the times she feels shes failed them (thinks if she had been there with the twins that day that she couldve done something to save them. feels she failed everyone taken by the raiders. is scared of failing clem too "if something happened to you because of me? i cant lose you too. i wont". its why she cant leave minnie after shooting her. and a kidnapped vi attacks clem because she doesnt want anyone else to get hurt. hell it even ties back to her grandma and feeling guilty about not doing anything for her)
so for her to lose her eyesight? she took pride in her ability to fight and now she cant do that anymore. cant protect the people she loves. and as someone who started the season as an isolated loner, it forces her to rely on those around her for help, stripping her of her independence (and her independence is what allowed her to stand up against the group for clem when it came to the marlon situation in ep2). a blinded vi is forced into accepting community, whereas a saved violet accepts it on her own. her and clem turn ericsons into the home violet could never see it as
the other reason blind vi makes me so sad is that it is Directly a result of clems actions. kidnapped vi had nothing and wanted nothing to do with the bomb, and yet shes the ONLY ONE who gets hurt by it. clem choosing to let vi be taken means clem both breaks her heart, and then burns out her eyes. louis and his tongue is between him and lilly and was a choice THEY each made outside of clems direct influence (even if it was clem who inspired him to speak up, it is ultimately his choice to keep talking, and lilly hurts him for it. its sad he gets punished for a character moment, but clem had no direct hand in him losing his tongue. its why hes not angry to see her in the cell. he doesnt blame clem for what happened), but the way vi is feeling in that cell is DIRECTLY due to clems actions. vi feels like clem abandoned her after she had put herself on the line for her multiple times. she always had clems back but clem didnt have hers. clem is the one who planted the bomb and vi gets caught in the blast. clem hurts her emotionally And physically. and vi apologizes for getting upset (she tries to apologize on the beach too before theyre forced out in the cart, so she felt wrong for those actions immediately even tho they were understandable. lilly and minnie used her moment of weakness to get in her head. she just wanted everyone to be safe)
kidnapped blinded vi is just so incredibly sad to me, especially when you compare her to a fully realized violet. a violet who has come into herself, has confidence, has opened up, has stopped pushing people away out of fear and lets herself love again. shes a leader. a fighter. a protector. and those are all things a blinded violet loses
neither vi losing her eyes or louis losing his tongue is supposed to add anything to their characters. its about what theyve lost. both of them have important parts of their identity stripped away from them after being taken by the delta. its supposed to be sad. heartbreaking. regrettable. unfortunate. they have not gained anything by their time at the delta, only lost important parts of themselves to it
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harmoniouseclipse · 7 months ago
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Me and my freaking ship charts for my freaky mind
#I'm gonna rant about them in the tags a lil bit so bear with me#I really like the idea of them taking turns “spooning” each other (or just one laying on top of the other idk)#bc they listen to each others' heartbeats since Lisa's dying lmao#and idk where losa being taller came from#but her canon height says she's 5'11 and i believe it honestly#and kind of the same thing with her being trans; i just think it's a neat character study#especially since we dont know anything about her past or who she was before the game's events#and i didnt rly know how to mark Jean's flirtiness levels because Jean flirtation is VERY different from Lisa flirtation#hers is much more unintentional or very charming like a kiss to the back of Lisa's hand or dancing her around her office when it's late#and she speaks formally too which adds to the unintentional rizz#Lisa cant help but fall for her fr#and i think they are the embodiment of the “fell first fell harder” trope#Lisa falls first and she's content to watch Jean from afar bc she knows how important her job and Mond are to her#and then Jean finally catches up tripping falling bleeding all over ripping her heart out to show Lisa how it beats for her#altho i think it was hard for her to come to terms with it especially since she doesnt want her personal life to interfere with work#so she has to find the balance first#and Jean also knows that being flirty is just who Lisa is and that they are both extremely loyal to each other#but Lisa gets pushed a lot probably when other women start hitting on Jean a little too much#and they're both equally overprotective of each other especially out on dangerous missions#but Lisa feels like she HAS to protect Jean more bc of her importance to the safety of Mond#this is just me rambling tho im literally so in love with them bc theyre just so soft and the wives ever#i am the most sane jeanlisa shipper actually#ty for coming to my ted talk#jean gunnhildr#lisa mici#jeanlisa#genshin impact#ship chart#character art is mine
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sqlmn · 4 months ago
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Them being friends is one of the funniest dynamics because she's the exact opposite of Mr Depression Incarnate. (Right is absolutely fascinated by their friendship since he likes observing people and he notices how much investment Brent has in making Karen stay Not Disappointed compared to literally every other coworker he talks to)
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shakingparadigm · 10 months ago
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Hello it's the anon who said about the Ivan collar thing 😭. I come with some little brainrots.
Mizi sang "Black Sorrow" as a solo cover for unrequited love, with Sua being dead.
But the cover made me think. What if somehow Sua, in a way, is the Till to Mizi's Ivan. What if Sua, even if she loves Mizi back, never really fully indulged in it.
Specially in "My Clematis" where Mizi regarded Sua as a god, all I can imagine is Sua who always kept a perfect image in front of everyone including Mizi. Sua who never really showed her vulnerability to Mizi even though the other girl bared her entire heart. Just the idea that she somewhat kept a mask of pretend, letting Mizi be as blissful as it can be before the inevitable.
Aka tragic Yuri breaking my heart that Sua had to keep her own planned death a secret from her beloved because of one (and only) little selfish wish, which is to let Mizi live.
(Also sorry for spamming asks this frequently! I've been going through ALNST hyperfixations and your blog have a great humor.)
DONT EVER BE SORRY FOR SPAMMING ASKS! they make me really happy! Thank you so much! Sorry it takes me a while to answer them sometimes, my brains been pretty messy as of late, and I keep losing track of time.
That's a really interesting perspective to see it from. Regarding their relationship as a whole, I actually think it was the opposite. Sua only ever opened up to Mizi, and to everyone else she was timid and closed off. That was one of the reasons why their bond was so strong, they clung to each other. Sua retreats into herself, avoiding others in an attempt to protect her soft-hearted feelings, only sticking to Mizi because she loved and trusted her most. Mizi loved Sua like a dog because she was a cure for her loneliness back when Mizi felt isolated and afraid of being away from her home. They gave each other everything, which is why the thought of Mizi dying filled Sua with so much anguish that she'd rather die herself.
But if we're talking about the few weeks leading up to the first round of ALNST (you probably meant this, my bad) then definitely. She spent the last of her life counting down the hours, putting on a brave face and trying to make the remainder of her time with Mizi the best it could possibly be. I assume it was Mizi that proposed a tie. Sua played along, or maybe even believed in it at first, because ALIEN STAGE was something that they both looked forward to their whole lives, something that was held over their heads like a reward instead of the death sentence it actually was. Sua most likely started planning her death after she realized the possible consequences. The thing is, according to the MiziSua interview, a tie had never happened before in ALIEN STAGE. Which means that we don't know what happens if a tie actually does occur. It seems unlikely that ALIEN STAGE, which derives its stakes from the deaths of the contestants, would let both go forward thanks to a tie. I mean, if that happened, then everyone else would just decide to tie in order to keep each other alive, and where's the fun in a deathless season? Where's the stakes in that? It goes against everything ALIEN STAGE is built on. If a tie did happen, they most likely would have forced a situation where one of them would have to die anyway. It just lengthens the process and makes it more complicated. I like to think that, at some point, Sua realized this. If they tie, there's no guarantee that they both stay alive. In a tie situation, they might even randomly pick the contestant to be eliminated. The circumstances are uncertain and unpredictable, and within those hypotheticals Mizi dying is always an option. But if Sua adjusts her own performance level without Mizi knowing, she can ensure that the only person who has to die is herself. As stated before, Sua is soft-hearted. Her blank demeanor is indeed a mask for overwhelming feelings that lie beneath the surface. Mizi worships Sua, but Sua loves Mizi an incredible amount too. She must have loved her so much that Ivan, an exceedingly observant asshole (affectionate), picked up on it and was able to discern her intentions. Ivan criticizes Sua for choosing to sacrifice herself, calling her out for "playing hero", but most importantly, accusing her of dying only because she herself cannot handle the pain of losing someone she loves. She cannot fathom living a life where Mizi is dead, so she "runs away" from it by any means possible. He accuses her of being a hypocrite because the future that pains her to think about is one that she is about to inflict on her beloved. Is it an act of love or an act of selfishness? Is Ivan twisting her genuinely pure intentions and chastising her into believing that it makes her a bad person? Despite being hit with this crisis and crying over it, Sua decides to sacrifice herself anyway. And her happy mask was so impressive that Mizi failed to notice she was digging her own grave.
Sua not "indulging" in her love for Mizi is actually really interesting, and I can see how it can come off that way because Mizi is much more affectionate. But I actually think otherwise!
I think it's not really that she refused to indulge in her love, rather she indulged in it so much that she died to ensure she'd never have to live without it.
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