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clouds-rambles · 4 years ago

Note

hello!~ o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

can i request headcanons for kaeya, diluc, childe, and venti on what they would while their s/o dies in their arms? (if thats okay with u <3)

thank u sm! :))

BESTIE THE PAIN I FEEL RN!!! Omw to make hurt some of my faves hope you enjoy <3

Also guys I’ve been here for a day how are there almost 50 of you following?!

Pairings; (Separate) Kaeya, Diluc, Childe, Venti x reader

Warning(s); hurt, big hurty, reader death, vague wound description, cursing, talk about dead bodies

Keep reading under the cut!

Kaeya

This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were meant to live forever with him. You were supposed to grow old with him and become a parent to your future children. You were-

“Kaeya” you choke out smiling at your partner above you. The man shakes his head mentally pleading with you to not die “Kaeya I will always be on the wind” you tell him, a shaky, bloody hand raised to his cheek to weekly caress it

“Please” he pleads “Please don’t die on me [name]” you smile at him feeling the breaths in your lungs disappear

“I’m sorry Kae--ya” you apologise before passing away in his arms

He doesn’t move for a long time. He doesn’t feel for a long time. The one person he could share his secrets and his love to gone. Away with the wind

Kaeya doesn’t remember the last time he cried, but he’ll remember this one.

Your beaten, bruised, broken, dead, and beautiful body slumped in his arms as his tears fall from his face as he feels an absence in his heart

How is he supposed to live on if this is the pain he feels right now?

Jean eventually stumbles upon Kaeya out in the wilds, still clutched to your now cold and even more lifeless body

Jean manages to get the man up with your body held close to his chest

“Jean, I can’t, I can’t let them go” he pleads as if he’s waiting for you to simply wake up in his arms

“Kaeya...” Jean says in a concerned tone having never seen him in such a state, even he seemed to quickly recover from his fathers death

Eventually Jean coaxed Kaeya to go back to the city and leave your body in the hands of the sisters. Where they dressed you up and prepared a funeral service for you

The funeral was larger than Kaeya was expecting, you had affected a many more people than he realised from your small jobs around the city. Kaeya can’t help but be awed at how many people you’ve helped while you were in Mond

The usual chatter of Mondstat is quiet and in a time of grieving for about a week or so, many people have wonderful memories of you and Kaeya seems to be collecting them all, that and bunches of flowers. Many of which find themselves laying on your tombstone as Kaeya tells you about his day

A month passes and it seems like everything's back to normal, Kaeya is back to his outgoing self. He spends more nights at the tavern, but even Diluc doesn’t have the heart to cut him off.

Jean seems to pick up on the smallest things, goddamnit Jean, the extra nights at the tavern, the eyebags, the weeping she can hear from his room. In it’s own right is heart-breaking, the acting Grandmaster cannot imagine what it’s like to be actually experiencing that kind of pain

Diluc

No, not like this

You had both decided that night to join each other in your little vigilante escapade. Which was fine you had both done this before, but tonight resulted in something very different

Here you are, head on Dilucs lap. This could be considered romantic, and often was, were it not for the fact you felt like you choked up a mixture of your lung and your bloody supply

“Diluc” you speak with a much worse for wear voice, the red-head looks into your eyes, eyes already gaining moisture. A similar scene has befallen him before, a Diluc knows how this ends

“Please” he pleads his voice wavering “Please don’t leave me” he chokes back a sob and tears fall off his face the salt hitting your own

“I love you so much” you start, Diluc shakes his head. Must you hurt him so with last words? “Don’t blame yourse-” another set of hacking befalls you as you lose more blood

“Please” he pleads again as the grip you had on his arm goes slack indicating your loss of life

Diluc screams, he cries and he hugs you close. He screams into the air of Mondstat until his voice hurts and he cries until all he’s doing is dry sobbing and he holds you close until you’re broken body is pried from his own broken mind

A wondering Jean heard his screams into the night sky and hereby answered them. She never expected to see Diluc, still in his vigilante getup, crying over your body

She calls for more guards who take your body from his and Jean helps Diluc get back to the estate. At one point during the walk Jean can feel DIluc shaking and hyperventilating. So they stand for a moment, Jean holds and comforts the wine-master before they move again

Jean has never seen such emotion from Diluc before, and she wholeheartedly hopes she’ll never have to see it again. Seeing Diluc so raw and rife with emotion is enough to make anyone cry. And Jean nearly did on more than one occasion.

Your funeral is small, much to Dilucs request and really only were attended by the estate and Jean. Diluc didn’t want to cry again in such a large audience

Though the maids often hear pained sobs coming from Dilucs room as he contemplates and often blames himself for what had transpired. Maids daren’t speak up about what they hear though, Diluc’s pain is more than understandable

Diluc throws himself into work opting to man the bar most days of the week and fighting for the city as often as he can. People around him are more than concerned

Diluc’s stoic nature seems to be intensified now, not wanting to let another person in and die in his arms. He’s seen enough death for his life and wishes not to lose more loved ones

Everything seems to have moved back to what life was before you arrived in your life, depressive, monotonous, boring, mundane for the most part and sad. So very sad

He wishes for a day where his heart isn’t strife with grief, but he doubts that day will not be coming anytime soon

Childe

You grin up at him, feeling close to naught pain coming from the gaping wound thanks to the excess of adrenaline that’s pumping through your body

“Childe” you say the smile still on your lips in an attempt at not making the situation as dark and horrific as it is. Childe speaks your name in return

“I love you” you tell him mustering the strength to cup the mans cheek, who immediately nuzzles into it. The situation almost doesn’t feel real to him. He’s going to be shaken awake by a very unwounded you in just a moment and inform him he’s having a nightmare

But that moment doesn’t come. Nor do any words come from you. Your slow rhythms of your heart remind you that he’s still got time, but you’ve expended all your energy. Your smile you’re wearing seems to be dropping

“I love you [name], I love you so much, you are everything I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you” he rambles bringing your body to his chest

“Live for--- me” you sputter out into his chest, a dying wish that Childe isn’t too sure he can uphold. Is it really living if he’s an empty vessel.

You go limp in his arms and he can no longer sense your heartbeat. Death had finally laid claim to you

Childe sits with you for hours, you’d expect him to be wailing like a banshee if you knew his personality but that’s rather not the case. Sobbing quietly is a better word for what happens. Most of his sobs and hacks for air are hidden in your hair. He pulled your body to his shoulder just to weep

Eventually he finds himself mustering the courage to walk back to Liyue Harbour. You firmly held in his arms. He knows that if he walks too plainly the Millelith would pry and ask too many questions for his fragile heart to answer

Childe ends up barging into the wangsheng funeral parlour, which surprises Zhongli a little. He’s about to go on a rant to Childe about how he must book an appointment, until he sees your lifeless body in his arms

The funeral is arranged quickly and neatly. There aren’t many people who attend, Childe is okay with that, he secretly wants to see his family and cry on their shoulder a bit

Instead he opts for a letter, which arrives to the family tear stained and lacking the usual penmanship ‘I’m sorry, you won’t be able to see [name] after all. They passed away not too long ago...’ he basically writes your arbitrary in the letter. And his whole heart is in every word he writes

Determined not to let anybody in Childe finds himself in a pattern, when he’s not throwing himself into battles he’s doing paper work or yelling at his subordinates and when he’s not doing that he’s doing his weekly fight with the traveller. Childe gets next to no sleep and instead opts to reading and rereading every letter and note you’ve ever given him

If Childe passes out at his desk nobody bothers him either in fear of getting yelled at by the harbinger or an understanding of losing a loved one

They never said being a harbinger was fulfilling work. Yet, he let himself believe that he could be fulfilled and content with a lover. What a shameful lie

Venti

He’s awfully quiet. He hasn’t experienced death in so long. Especially one he thought would be forever.

He couldn’t even get to you to hear your last words. Ironic isn’t it? He hadn’t heard that guys last words either. And yet this pains him so much more

Sure mortal lives are fleeting but he was certain he had more time with you. More time to see you grow old, more time to put off your inevitable mortality. More time to-

He’s hyperventilating, Venti’s body shakes as he finds nothing to ground himself not even the person he loves so dear is there for him. He feels like he could explode, breaths caught in his throat refusing to surface and come up for air. Despite being an immortal archon, the breaths that refuse to surface don’t fail to make him feel like he’s choking

A bard he is. And one that knows every song from the past, present and future. Suddenly the pained songs from the future make sense to him. He knew what was written. A love lost

Suddenly he finds himself crying and hunched over your deceased form making promises to the wind that he’ll never forget you. Much like he’ll ever forget that bard

He isn’t sure how long has passed but he’s still sobbing over your form, there aren’t many tears left for him to cry but he can’t find himself stopping. He feels like they’ll never stop.

Maybe he could lay beside you and sleep for another thousand years. But that would only delay the inevitable. The inevitable sinking feeling.

Maybe it was his fault for letting himself fall in love with a mortal, but in the moment he could truly see you living life with him. He could see a marriage, children. He wanted you to have it all.

Damn celestia and all things above for not letting you ascend, at least when he inevitably ascends you’ll be there to greet him. Curse that and your mortality

Jean eventually stumbles upon him during a recon mission to find him covering your body in various flowers, a crown made of cecelias don your head. He’s quiet, but he’s saying goodbye. Who would blame him? Jean doesn’t interrupt him and only wishes you a farewell

News of your death spread around town like wildfire, your grave donned with more flowers than Venti can count. He almost feels bad about not doing a public service after seeing how many people are truly in mourning

Diluc doesn’t push Venti to pay his growing tab no matter how much he should. And Diluc doesn’t say no to Venti singing his happy tunes in the tavern

It feels like his life has retuned to normal. Though Jean can’t help but look out the library window to see Venti sat atop his statue with an expression, as Jean can only guess, of sadness.

Venti finds himself going back to an old schedule again but he can’t miss the nagging feeling of somethings missing. The something being you

Sometimes he half expects you to hug him from behind, or join him up at the statue, or kiss him on his nose, or-

Venti can’t quite comprehend how he feels, he just knows there’s a hole in his heart where you belonged. And he doesn’t want to let anyone find their way into there

He doesn’t want to lose again

It’s happened too much

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zafirosreverie · 4 years ago

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Hey can I have a request with Agatha x reader where reader is a vampire and drinks off of Agatha. But one day reader was having a really bad day and accidentally drinks to much of her blood so reader feels terrible and takes care of Agatha cause she’s really weak please. I freakin love your work❤️❤️❤️❤️

A vampiress and a witch being a lesbian power couple?! SIGN ME UP!

Once again, i got carried away (listen, you can't mix vampires, witches and lesbians and then expect me to hold myself) so the actual request is going to be on the next part (i hope).

Also, i changed Agatha's trial a little.

Anyway, i hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: a little dark?

Little bird(Agatha x Vampire!reader) part 1

You smirked when you heard the steps getting closer to the tree you were hiding in. They were human steps. More than one human, by the sound of it.

“Excellent, I'm sick of animal’s blood” you thought.

You were a child of the night. The creature parents warned their children about. A vampire. One of the youngest, you might add, but also one of the strongest. Your power was what made your own kin afraid of you. But you didn’t care. It’s not as if you needed them anyway.

“What’s happening?” you heard a voice and your smirk widened. You recognised that tone. Fear. One of the people was really, really scared.

“Oh, poor little thing” You thought and decided to get closer, still hidden by the darkness.

“Agatha Harkness, are you a witch?” another voice said and you got there just in time to see a young woman tied, many women around her.

You knew this. It was a trial. A witches trial. Hmmm, this dinner just got interesting. What did the little witch have done to make her own people condemn her? Taking a closer look, you noticed how cute she was. She seemed nice and her cute pink cheeks made an amazing contrast with the ice in her eyes.

“She must have been the one who’s fear I felt” you thought.

You saw how the little witch begged for her life. You almost felt bad for her.

“Maybe I will drink her blood the last” you thought. But then, you blinked when she called the eldest witch “mother”, and you frowned.

Vampires were known for not caring for anyone but themselves, with a few exceptions to the closer relatives, but witches? You always thought witches were better than that. At least that’s what they claimed themselves.

“I can be good” The little witch said and something in her voice made your heart start to crumble. Why? Why was this witch doing that to you? You didn’t know her, you shouldn’t care for her, you just wanted her blood, and for the few parts you actually paid attention to, she was messing with dark magic…

...Okay, THAT you could understand. Dark magic wasn’t that bad, it was more the stigma than anything.

“No, you can’t” The older witch said and you watched as the rest of the witches attacked the poor girl.

Her screams were almost too much for you and it was making you angrier. Why were you feeling like that?! You always enjoyed other’s pain! (well...not really, you just didn’t care) So why was this different? Why would you care if she reverted the tables and was stealing the other witches’ magic? why would you- Wait what?!

You blinked and saw how the magic turned purple, taking all the magic and life form the witches attacking her. Well, now that was something special. The older witch stared in disbelief as the younger one killed the rest. You couldn’t help but feel proud of the little witch.

“Teach them how to treat a lady, girl” you thought.

But your amusement didn’t last long. You saw how the older witch prepared herself to attack her own daughter. And most importantly, you saw that the little witch didn’t just take the magic and life from the others, the corpses were totally empty, which meant no blood for you.

“Hell no, princess, I won't drink more bear’s blood tonight” you thought and decided it was a good moment to make an entrance.

You were sure the little bird (Agatha, your mind whispered, remembering the name she was called by when the trial started) was able to stop her mother, but you already lost the blood of the others, you wouldn’t lose this one.

The tiredness in Agatha’s face wasn’t the reason you knocked out the older witch. Of course not.

Agatha blinked when her mother fell to the floor. What the hell happened? One moment she was about to kill her and the next she was just there, unconscious.

“Well, well” a voice said but the witch couldn’t see any one, just the darkness of the night.

“What do we have here?” you said and smiled at the way the little witch turned around, trying to find you. She was so cute.

“W-who are you?” Agatha asked and tried to stay calmed. She just got rid of a whole coven, she will take whoever it was.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, little Agatha?” you said and smirked when she gasped.

“How do you know my name?” she asked, her voice sounded a little scared “Show yourself!” she demanded and you laughed, making the witch shudder.

“As you wish little bird” you said and stepped out of the darkness, appearing right behind her.

Agatha jumped when she felt a hand on her back. Quickly turning around, she lifted her hands, ready to fight whoever it was. You found her defensive stance a little too cute.

“Who are you?” she asked again

“Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you” you said and smiled, allowing her to look at your teeth. The reaction was immediate.

Agatha stepped back and gasped. Your fangs were too long to be normal, and now that she looked closely, your e/c eyes had a string red in them.

“You’re-”

“A vampire” you finished for her and smirked at the look in her beautiful face “And you’re a witch” you said, walking to her and enjoying how she trembled under your gaze “a witch that played with dark magic”

“I didn’t break any rules” she said, still trying to appear calmed and strong, but you were making her really nervous. She knew vampires were powerful, much more so than witches. Whatever spell she might know, wouldn’t hurt you. She was defenseless.

“They just bend to your power” you finished again, having heard what she said to the witches. Agatha nodded. “Which just makes you more interesting, birdie” you said.

It was true. You knew dark magic was powerful and hard to control. It took a strong being to even begin to learn it, so the fact that this young girl claimed to be chosen by the magic itself, was beyond amazing.

Agatha wished she had learned to disappear. Your eyes were making her nervous and the closer you got, the smaller she felt. Lord, how much she hated feeling small.

“Don’t be afraid, darling. I’m not going to hurt you” you assured her. You had used that line on many of your victims, but for the first time, you actually meant it.

“And I’m supposed to believe you?” she asked and arched an eyebrow. You giggled.

“You certainly shouldn’t” To your surprise, the witch smiled. It was small, but it made your heart jump.

A groan interrupted you and you saw the older witch standing. She was too weak, but her gaze was enough to make Agatha nervous. Her mother always had that effect on her. That gaze haunted her dreams, always making sure she understood how disappointed she was in her.

You felt Agatha taking a step back and you sighed, frowning at the old witch. Why did mothers always have to make their children feel less than a miracle just to feel better with themselves? If they knew how fortunate they were to be able to watch their children grow u- No, you didn’t want to think about it.

“Agatha” the witch said and the younger one tensed. No, you weren’t having it.

You stood in front of the younger witch, covering her from the gaze of the older one. That got you reactions from both. They were both surprised, but Agatha also felt a little hope, while the other woman felt fear.

“You won’t talk to her like that, am i clear?” you said, walking to her. She tried to step back but you took her by the neck before she could.

“Let me go, child of the night” she demanded and you laughed. It was a cruel laugh.

“Or what?” you asked.

Agatha was frozen. She couldn’t do anything but watch as you threatened her mother. Nobody has ever stood for her, not her cousins, not her so called friends, no one. And suddenly a freakin vampiress was defending her? Why?!

“Agatha!” the older woman hissed, making her daughter jump. You laughed again.

“Really? You’re expecting to be saved by the woman you tried to murder less five minutes ago? How pathetic” you mocked and tightened your hold on her neck.

“Aga- tha”

Agatha just stared at her, not moving. You noticed it and turned your head to her, without letting go of the witch.

“Listen, little bird” you said.

Agatha blinked and looked at you, she noticed your voice was smooth and calm, pretty different from the cold one you used with her mother. It made her blush.

“I came here to eat. I haven’t had anything better than bear’s blood in months, and you dried them completely” you said, pointing at the corpses around you.

Agatha stared at them and gulped before she looked back at you. Her mother made signals with her hands, trying to make her help her. Agatha smirked in her head when she realised you were blocking her mother’s magic.

“Good, that’s how it feels, mother” she thought.

“And she tried to murder you just for being more powerful” you said.

“She broke the rules” the other woman said and you growled.

“But that’s not true ” you answered “Is it, Evanora?” you asked and smiled at the horror in the witch’s face.

Surely, she thought you read her mind, which, for the record, wasn’t true. Vampires can’t read minds as many people like to think. At least not the young ones like you. But for now, it was useful for you that she thought you could. Truth is, you heard some witch say it. But she didn’t have to know.

“This has absolutely nothing to do with the rules, does it? This is you, afraid that your daughter is more powerful than you, afraid that you cannot control her anymore” you accused.

You really didn’t know if it was true. You didn’t know these “rules” they were talking about, but you didn’t care. You were too familiar with the situation: a parent sensing their child becoming more powerful, trying to control them and, when they couldn’t, destroying them. It was sickening.

You might be a creature of the night, but you were once a mother, and you just couldn’t understand how someone would murder their child instead of being proud of them being better. And the look on Evanora’s face told you everything you had to know. You hit the nail.

Agatha gasped when she heard you. Sure, deep inside she always knew her mother was afraid of her power, but hearing it out loud hurted.

“You’re gross” you growled, then turned to Agatha again “Look, hot stuff” lord, her little blush was so adorable “I’m not leaving without my dinner. So, it’s your blood or hers” you said.

You hated doing that to the poor and cute little witch, but you were starving and you knew Evanora wouldn’t even try to stop you from eating her daughter. It was gross how she hoped Agatha would sacrifice herself when she just tried to murder her.

Agatha looked between you and her mother. Evanora looked at her with a gaze that clearly said “you’re not worthy, let her eat you and save me. I deserve it, you don’t”. The thought broke her heart but also made rage bloom on her chest.

“Well, little bird? Who 's going to be?” you asked. She was cute, but you were losing your patience.

Agatha looked at her mother for the last time and closed her eyes before she nodded. You smirked when Evanora gasped.

“AGATHA! NO!” the older woman screamed and you saw tears rolling down Agatha’s cheek. You felt bad for her, but it didn’t stop you from sinking your fangs into Evanora's neck, sucking her blood and taking her life with it.

The witch screamed, kicked, and tried desperately to use her magic on you, but after a few minutes, everything fell silent.

You dropped her body to the ground, wiping your mouth with the sleeve of your dress. You moaned in pleasure at the taste of blood on your tongue. Animal blood helped, but it didn't compare to human blood, magical or not.

Agatha’s eye widened when she saw her mother’s body falling to the floor. She was gone. She really didn’t know how to feel. Guilty because she let you kill her to save herself, sad because she was gone and even after all that happened, she still had some love for her.

But what she felt the most, was relieved. Relieved that she was finally free. That she would never have to feel her disappointed gaze over her, that she would never have to hear her hurting words. That nobody would ever make her feel unworthy again.

You turned to see the witch falling to her knees. How could anyone hurt someone like her? Just for power. You truly didn’t understand. You took Evanora’s pendant and walked to her. You carefully kneeled in front of the girl and handed it to her.

Agatha jumped a little when she saw your hand right in front of her eyes. Her mother’s pendant was resting in your palm. She hesitantly took it, not looking up to you. She didn’t know if she could trust you. You said she shouldn’t, but you defended her. And also killed her mother. What if you were lying and would eat her too? She wasn’t even sure it would be that bad. After all, she actually didn’t have anywhere to go. Not anymore.

You saw how confused and conflicted she was and it broke your heart. This woman was broken. Broken by the people that should have protected her, left alone in the world. And yet, she was still trying to hold together as many pieces as she could. It truly amazed you.

You gently wiped her tears, making her jump again, but she didn’t move away from your touch. You caressed her cheek and saw how her little blush appeared again. It was adorable. She was adorable.

“Come on” you whispered and stood up, pulling her up with you. When she got to her feet, she looked around again, watching the corpses for a moment.

“I don’t have anywhere to go” she finally said softly, almost crying again.

You took her hand, already cursing yourself for such a risking decision, but you knew you would hate yourself more if you didn’t. Agatha looked at you, confused and you gave her a reassuring smile.

“Now you do”

#x reader #reader insert #imagine #agatha harkness #agatha harkness imagine #agatha harkness x reader #agnes imagine #agnes x reader #kathryn hahn #marvel #agatha harkness x you #agatha harkness x y/n #wandavision imagine #little bird

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lunaekalenda · 3 years ago

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Heya An 💕🥺 I hope when you see this you are doing good!! First of all congrats and I checked out your event (which is so creative btw and I love it) and here is my request! (I hope it’s not complicated omg-)

💖, ❓, can it be in the aot world? Like she joined the survey crops and she is really skilled, smart and really tough and that caught Levi’s attention and he has a crush on her :,). After a mission battle she almost risked her life but Levi saved her. It got her by surprise and she tells levi why did u save me out of all ppl and Levi decided to confess his feelings first time to the person he loves and he gets all nervous and shy. (Like he just says randomly “will you be my girl?”) and hes all blushed up. And the girl is all surprised but accepts it and she brags abt it to all her friends that Levi is her man and he lowkey is rlly happy abt that 🥺 (fluff scenes of him holding her hand and all that to FINALLY show off he has a girl and he’s so cute and happy abt it 😭). Thank you and have a great day ✨

ofc!! i hope you like it <3 and thanks for participating! <3

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

romance + strangers + canonverse feat. Levi Ackerman

❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁❁

“Nice one!” Hange says approaching you. You land on the floor and smile to them. They look to the tall tree you just escalated in a very short time.

“I wanted to try a trick that Rico taught me.” you say. Hange nods, excited.

“The one with the little tumble to turn faster and begin the descent with propulsion?” you nod.

“Yes! It’s pretty useful.” you say. You’ve been friends with Hange for a while now, but you spend most of the time with the cadets of your promotion, specially with Eren.

You have just joined the corps this promotion, training with Eren, that’s what made you two so close. You’re also friend of Mikasa and Armin.

“Hange.” Levi calls them. He’s walking towards you two, loosening his shirt collar with a bony hand. “Erwin is calling us.” He looks at you, as if he had just noticed in your presence. He knows you, he recognizes your face though you two never talked. You made the salute to Levi, after all, he’s your superior. He nods quietly.

He of course knows you. You’re that one that uses the ODMS as if you were executing a ice skating routine, so graceful and pretty. Hange waves a hand towards you. Levi walks fast in front of them.

“You’re too obvious.” they say. Levi grumps.

“Shut up.”

Erwin called them to let them know there’s a mission the next day. One of the squads that went for a recognition a week ago has not arrived yet, and they want to search them. And to know if all of them are alive. Hange says they can call their squad, where you are listed. Levi nods, knowing he has to call his new Special OPs Squad. You talk to Eren to ask him if his squad also goes on the mission when Hange tells you you have to be prepared to fight tomorrow. Eren nods.

“Yes. Captain Levi told us earlier. So, I guess we have to go for that...” he says. You nod and say bye to him after you two end having dinner. You enter your bed and prepare yourself for sleeping, trying to recover energy for tomorrow’s mission.

It is too early in the morning to be talking about titans, but Erwin is giving his discourse before you all leave. You listen to him, trying to avoid unintentional yawns. Once he has assigned every squad to each part of the army, you start to walk. Casually, Eren’s squad is next to yours, on your left. He smiles at you. Behind him, Levi Ackerman looks as awesome as usual, up in his black horse.

The way is silent in your group and kinda uncomfortable. Some soldiers are crying and some others are screaming that they want to go back home. You try to not listen to them. You also want to go home.

No, you don’t. You’re here because you want to help humanity. If stay away from home and risk your life will help your family to live in better conditions, with no more fear, you’ll risk it every day.

A red light is seen, and you know what that means.

“Titans!” Hange says. “I wonder what amazing ones will we find today...” Once you’re near enough to them, you take your blades and swing between the trees.

Levi saw you do that hundreds of times, but seeing your body elevate quietly, all the grace in every movement, from your side is another story. His grey eyes follow you, as if the battlefield was now a stage and this was a kinda strange ballet, in which you were the main dancer, and he only one of the public.

He looks around, blushed. He has to center himself in the battle. Giving a couple orders to his squad, he easily finds an enormous titan. He goes all way up a tree, searching its weak point. You do the same a couple trees to his left, fighting. There’s a weird titan between the two of you, and Levi cannot predice its movements. He seems to be interested in you, but at the same time, he looks at Levi, as if he was about to attack him.

Unfortunately, you were it’s prey.

The titan runs towards you, his mouth open and his hands ready to catch you. You didn’t see him coming, you were too centered on the one you were attacking. The titan caught you off guard, taking one of the strings of your ODMS, making you scream. Levi hears that.

“Y/N!” He goes as fast as he cans near the titan, seeing your blades moving fast towards the enormous hand that was about to cage you. He kills the titan you were trying to kill, the one that had his mouth ready to eat you from his colleague’s hands. Then, he turns over himself, attacking the other one’s neck, the one that is squeezing your body so hard that you’re even screaming of pain. He never saw you screaming of pain. Never.

That’s when he realized how you’re suffering. You feel how the hand around you loses all strength and you fall. You fall because your body feels weakened. Levi catches your body in its way to the floor. You feel his warm body surrounding yours, his calm breath and his voice it’s the last thing your senses catch before you pass out.

❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁ ❁❁❁❁

The first thing you feel when you wake up is a fluffy bed under you, followed by a softly touch on your leg. You open your eyes quietly, trying to adapt to the light of the room. Levi is there. You blush.

“Captain Levi?” you ask in a whisper. He looks at you.

“Y/N, you’re awake.” he says. He offers you a glass of water. You thank him and drink slowly.

”What happened?” you ask. You don’t remember exactly how you ended there, but you were surprised to find Levi by your side.

“You got squeezed by a titan three days ago.” he says, looking at the marks in your legs. “I came here with you as fast as I could and took care of you.” he says. His hand feels soft and hot against your skin.

“You? You took care of me?” You ask. He nods.

“For all the days you’ve been here, in this bed, with your eyes closed.” he says, his voice going down and his gaze showing what he feels: tiredness.

“Have you been sleeping here, Captain.?” you ask. He nods.

“In this chair.” adds. You take air heavily, but it makes your ribs hurt. He looks at you concerned.

“I’m ok, I’m ok.” you say. “But you should get some sleep.”

“No.” he says.

“Why?” your tone is concerned now. He looks at your bed, but never at your eyes.

“You need someone to take care of you.” He simply answers. His hands play with your leg quietly, making sweet caresses on too of the wounds. You look at his hands dancing on your skin. It feels really good... Levi has been taking care of you for days. He saved you and then took care of you. You thought that the one that will be Levi's partner will be so lucky...

“Can I ask you why did you save me?” you ask, out of nowhere. His hands stop its caresses and he looks at you. His grey eyes are fixated on yours, making a quick scan all pver your face. Your plump lips that he dreamed to kiss for a long time, your cute nose, your blushed cheeks and your beautiful eyes.

“Cause I like you, and i was hoping you could be my girl, y/n” he says.

Wow. You weren't expecting that. He said it so directly, as if it was the simplest thing to say. As if it was easy as breathing. You looked at him, but he was serious.

"Be your girl?" you ask. Levi nods.

"I've been watching you. How strong, beautiful and powerful you are. All those things make my mind a mess, full of you. Your voice. Your body. Everything about you is invasive in my head." he says.

You were totally speechless, analyzing every movement he makes. How his adam's apple goes up and down nervously, how he plays with his hands. You find it kinda cute, how a captain of the Survey Corps is nervous to tell the girl he likes his feelings. After all, Levi took care of you. You felt an attachment, a bond that pulled you closer to him as magnets. You smiled.

"We'll give it a try." you say. He looks at you again, blushed. You smile. His hand searches yours quietly, and you let his fingers tangle with yours. He smiles.

"Y/N, I prom..."

"HOW'S MY FAVORITE GIRL EVER DOING?" Hange asks, entering the room. They didn't pay attention to your tangles hands. A shy Eren and a concerned Historia are behind them. "Oh, you look less like a zombie." they says. "I'm sure that Captain Levi has been taking care of you really well, if you know what I mean." they winks. Levi clicks his tongue, but he keeps your hand caged in his. That makes your stomach be full of butterflies.

"I saw you were in danger, who helped you?" since Historia wasn't called to that mission, she didn't knew what happened. Rumors are fast but, the 99% of the times, false.

"Yeah. Fortunately..." you look at Levi. How his eyes shined when he told you he wanted you to be his girl. "... fortunately my man was there for me." you smile and Levi almost choke on his saliva, but his acting skills were really worked. Historia smiled and Eren blushed.

"Oh Goddess, you two are now a couple?" she asks. You nod, smiling, and Levi blushes after being caught looking at you.

"Why did the little brat blush?" Levi asks. Eren coughs.

"It's just that is weird... My bestie and my Captain..." he says. You blush as well.

"It isn't!" Historia goes on your defense. "It's really beautiful. How the two of them..."

"... are wishing to be alone and we're here. Guys, head to the dorms, our girl is being treated." Hange says. Levi raises a brow and you let out a little laugh.

"Your jokes are pitiful." he says. They close the door behind them and Levi sighs. You smile at him.

"Then... About what treatment was Hange talking?"

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pomegranates-and-blood · 4 years ago

Text

Not You (500 Celebration)

500 Celebration Masterlist

Pairing: Ivar/Reader

Prompt: From the Quotes category: “You are shaking fists and trembling teeth. I know: you did not mean to be cruel. That does not mean you were kind.”

Word Count: 2.3k

Warnings: Ivar (he is a warning, idk what to tell u). Angst. Graphic descriptions of violence. Blood. Death. My shitty writing.

A/N: I’m slowly getting back to writing, I’ll try to get to the requests and challenge entries soon. I am so so sorry for being so slow lately. Thank you for being patient, and for your support!

Also, this isn’t very good (I was in between two paths to take with this, and fitting the quote into it was tricky lol) so I apologize in advance, I just really need to push forward w/writing, so you’ll have to bear with me with some shittier than usual stuff for a while lol. Love ya!

There’s something you have learned a while ago, long ago enough that you cannot recall when it was that the realization dawned on you.

You’ve learned there are countless different ways Ivar tells you he loves you.

He tells you quietly, a whisper against your lips, as he prepares to leave for the spring, as he leaves behind your home to lands unexplored, as he leaves your embraces for battles to fight. You savor those times with the bittersweetness of goodbye, with the promise of yet another reunion; and each time he promises one last I love you, barely audible over the winds of the coast, you taste the salt of the sea on your lips and save your words, the silent order to return to you if he wishes to hear it back. He always does.

He tells you fervently, words stumbling over one another, as you make each promise he asks of you, as you promise to be by his side for as long as the Gods let you, as you promise to become his wife before the Gods and any who may be present. You can almost hear the same promise of his own being made as he repeats those three words; and each time he vows his love in between starved and frantic kisses broken by words and too-wide smiles, you still the fervor with but a touch as you always did, promising the same love with the lowest of voices, hoping he can hear. He always does.

He tells you hoarsely, a litany accompanied by your name as his voice gives out, as your hands and lips trace over every inch you wish to and remind him of what hunger feels like, as you put him at your mercy and remind him of what being yours feels like. You feel power running through your veins like lightning with each of those prayers in the shape of your name, in the cadence of an I love you; and with each breathed truth and each jagged moan that speaks without words what you already know, you press yourself as close as you can to him, and promise the same with reverent kisses over fever-warm skin, with sighs of his name, with the certainty he can understand, can see it in your eyes, how much you love him. He always does.

He tells you hesitantly, with the sudden fear of who jumps not really certain there will be a safe spot to land on, as a years-old certainty is dragged to the front of his mind and happiness is nothing is a truth more than your love for him could ever be, as the self-loathing that still surprises and catches you off guard makes itself known in his voice and in the blue of his eyes. You always feel your heart break a bit more at each of those times, at each admission that love like this after a lifetime of pain can only mean that it will leave -and you hear the words he doesn’t say, you will leave- and bring forth agony when it does; yet you still promise your love and pray he believes you. He always does.

There are countless different ways he tells you he loves you.

The door to your rooms opens, and your hands clench into fists in the rose-colored water you were washing them on. You don’t turn around, but the familiar sound of Ivar’s steps stopping a fair distance away from you tells you that he knows you are aware of his presence.

You refuse to look at him until you can get the blood of your hands, though. For a moment you are afraid you never will be able to wash off the stain.

Emir’s words, accusing, biting, true, “You look at a monster like him and you choose to love him, at all the monstrous things he does and you choose to love him despite them. You are worse than he is.”

With the dark eyes of the man you were once married to set on you, you didn’t feel anything other than anger, than the familiar ire and drive to defend the man you love. And even now, with the evidence of the monstrous things the man you love does still staining your hands, you don’t feel any regret, any shame.

You shake the water off your hands, and the instinctual movement to dry them haphazardly on the front of your dress is jarringly stopped when you notice the blood still staining the sleeves of it. You grab a linen instead, and count your breaths before you turn around.

Ivar is sitting near the door, head turned to the side as he watches his thumb run over and over, almost compulsively, over a ridge on the top of his crutch. You linger for a few breaths watching him, the uncharacteristic nervousness of the man that killed without second thought and would again, the jarring humanity of someone capable of such cruel things, and the truth behind Emir’s words doesn’t bother you at all.

Ivar takes a breath, but doesn’t look at you, still following with his eyes the repetitive movement of his hand, when he says, “I love you.”

There are countless different ways he tells you he loves you, and now, now it sounds like an apology, like an apology and something else, something more fragile. Like a request, like a plea, but you don’t know what for.

Taking a deep breath, you step forward.

Big eyes look up at you as you approach, but he doesn’t move, he doesn’t say anything else. Heart heavy, you have to curl your hand into a fist to keep traitorous fingers from falling into the temptation of tracing the slight furrow of his brow, of soothing the lines of worry you see etched in the angles of his face, to follow the line of his jaw and remind him not to grit his teeth like that.

“I know you do,” You whisper quietly, and it isn’t the answer you usually give. Past the flare of anger in his eyes, you see something else, something that looks like fear and makes acid churn at your stomach. You swallow thickly, “Ivar, I-…”

“No, no, just…just-…you know I wasn’t thinking,” He interrupts, and though there’s a frantic edge to his words, it is quickly overshadowed by that anger particular to him, that anger at feeling unmoored, that resentment at being vulnerable. “Anger overcame me, it wasn’t-…what would you have done, hm?”

“What?”

“He was trying to take you away from me, he was trying to convince you to leave me. I know that.”

He doesn’t mind the look you give him, pushing forward, “When we were children you would risk punishment by stealing to feed the hunting dogs, remember? Now you help Ivar the Boneless raid our land, overthrow our King, your brother? You’d burn the world for a man like him?”

Your eyes fall closed, and all you can offer is a sigh that gets halfway stuck in your throat.

Ivar stays silent, mercifully. Or cruelly, maybe. You aren’t sure you know the difference anymore. You aren’t sure you care.

Emir and you parted ways a long time ago, a marriage of convenience that blossomed into friendship, but that once your parents and his guardian were dead had no reason to continue to be so. Seeing him earlier tonight on the feast was not something you were expecting, and not something you thought would end the way it did. And his presence, his absence, beg the question he asked last and you are afraid to answer, what would you be willing to do for him? What would you forgive, what would you condemn?

His hands settle on the sides of your hips, a grounding touch, you aren’t sure if for your benefit or his own. Ivar pushes on when you remain silent for maybe too long.

“I need to know you can forgive me. I can make it better, I can…I can do that,” You don’t know if he is reassuring you or himself, and at your silence Ivar lifts big eyes to you again. There’s no hiding the fear now. “I l-love you.”

The scream is caught on your throat as Emir drops to the ground, the axe grotesquely stuck on the base of his neck. Your hands tremble, your whole body does, as you try helplessly to stop the bleeding as he gasps and chokes on his own blood.

A few involuntary jerks of his body as death grips him, and you lift your eyes and find Ivar’s unwavering gaze. He doesn’t give away anything other than cold fury, just the ruthless glare of the man Emir saw and was killed for speaking against.

You squeeze your eyes shut, “Stop saying it.”

“It is true, you know that,” He says, swallowing once before attempting, “And you love me.”

“You killed him, Ivar.”

“I had to.” He insists, searching your gaze as he uses his hands on your hips to tentatively bring you closer.

“You didn’t have to, you chose to.”

He grits his teeth, and there’s the clear tell of anger, of stubborn affront; but he doesn’t argue. Instead, searching your gaze for a few breaths, he asks,

“Can you forgive me?”

And it is at his words, at the answer that you can so easily give, that a pit grows in your stomach and ice runs through your veins. You can. You have already.

By all the Gods, if Emir is right and Ivar is a monster…what does loving him make out of you? What does forgiving the horrible things he does make out of the girl that would steal to feed hungry dogs?

Maybe the answer is in all the ways he tells you he loves you, in all the ways he promises devotion and protection and love. Maybe the answer is in how it has only felt real, it has only felt true, when it is Ivar the one telling you he loves you.

Maybe because you are not something other than that girl by loving him, but just by who you are, by growing past the desire to keep the world and learning to choose to let it burn for the sake of those you love. Maybe because you love him because of who you made out of yourself, not the other way around.

The ghost Emir’s voice becomes one with your brother’s, who still lives but not for long -not when his head holds a crown you are interested in and the man you love is willing to grant you-, and at what you made out of yourself they ask if you are content with your decision.

Searching his gaze, you mutely nod your head, both to his question and the one your ghosts ask.

“I can’t lose you,” Ivar admits past the clear tell of gritted teeth. He shakes his head, almost imperceptibly. “Not you.”

Torturously slow, the tips of your fingers dance over the side of his face, tracing the scar on his cheekbone

“You won’t.”

At your promise Ivar sighs, the first deep breath you have heard from him in a while, as if he were holding his breath; and leans forward, burying his face against your stomach and holding you even closer.

“Tell me you love me.” He beseechs, no longer attempting to hide the need to hear you say it.

You are sure there are countless ways you tell him you love him too, you are sure in times like these you tell him you love him like a promise to never leave him, like the assurance that he won’t ever lose you; and he needs to hear you say it.

“I love you,” You promise him, your arms around his shoulders as best as you can. Your eyes fall closed and you wonder if the words should taste like shame when you offer yet another truth, “Nothing could change that.”

Quietly, so quietly you are half-convinced it is imagined, he whispers, “I’m sorry.”

“He was our enemy, he would have died in battle anyways.” You tell him, and it is true, and maybe worse. Emir would have died fighting against an invasion you are part of the reason for, he would have died defending a kingdom Ivar will claim because it was once your home, he would have died alongside an army whose weaknesses you whispered in Ivar’s ear a long time ago.

He would have died, and you would have been the reason why. And it would have mattered to you as much as it does now.

But Ivar shakes his head, “I’m sorry, for…for all that I do.”

You wonder absently if he apologizes now not for Emir’s murder but for something else, something more human. You wonder if he apologizes for craving your gentleness, for needing your reassurance, for asking for your love. You wouldn’t put it past those worst thoughts he has about himself to make him believe he ought to seek repentance for something as simple as humanity.

Your fingers tracing absently over the short hair at the nape of his neck, you take a deep breath, but say nothing, certain it isn’t words what he needs from you now.

After an eternity, or maybe a moment, Ivar speaks again.

Solemn, he promises, “I love you.”

There are countless different ways he tells you he loves you. Sometimes, sometimes an I love you is just that, an admission, a declaration. A truth.

Thank you for reading!

Taglist: @youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @1950schick @ietss @peachyboneless @encounterthepast @maggiescarborough @chibisgotovalhalla @fae-sedai @zuxiezendler @crazybunnyladysworld @stupiddarkkside @northumbria @sagyunaro @aprilivar

#ivar the boneless x reader #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless imagine #ivar the boneless #ivar #500 fucking hell thank you ily

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han-shinsuke · 3 years ago

Text

k u r e n o s o h m a

b o i l i n g p o i n t🔞

“Mr. Sohma. Mr. Sohma, can you walk?” the man didn’t answered, face remains intact with his working desk, few cans of beer scattered around his room. He had been drinking and the reasons for it were unknown.

Unknown? I mocked myself for it. You were the cause of his misfortunes and sadness for the past months.

“Please, help yourself, Mr. Sohma. The bed is just right there,” averting my gaze from his blinking pair when they met mine, I gave his weight a push and led him towards the bed. It creaks, catching our combined weights as we settled on it.

I undone his polo, giving him space to breathe, “Mr. Sohma, I still don’t remember it.” But my heart does remember you. It can recall the warmth of the love you’ve been telling me like all those scenarios just happened yesterday.

“Please, stop blaming yourself,” this tired face, longing eyes and lips that deserves attention, are meant to be worshipped, not to carry burdens.

Lips that couldn’t speaks, eyes that tells stories, Kureno Sohma, had suffered enough.

“Y/N, I failed.” tears hanging on the edge of his eyes.

“You can always try, Mr. Sohma.” It’s always hard to forgive oneself, right? “Give yourself time to heal.”

“The memory you’ve had been trying to make me remember, what was it?” Kureno’s face softened. The tears on the edge finally rolled down his cheeks.

I got the answer for it but I want him to confirm it.

“I tried killing you on your eighteenth birthday.”

Akito’s mellow timbre rings in my head.

“The bond was strong it defeated his love for you that when I asked him to take your heart, he had willingly struck a knife in your chest.”

“Kureno,” I called his name softly. There was an inconsolable smile on my lips after that, “did you marry me because of your promise or it’s because you love me still?”

I thought it would take him forever to construct an ideal answer but he was quick to respond.

“I keep my promise because I love you,” Kureno lowered his head, load of tears streaming down his angelic face.

I may have lost hundred of memories with him from that incident a decade ago, but no ounce of love had skipped my heart since then.

“I love you, Kureno.”

My heart is swelling with so much love for him that I care no more if he was the one who put a large-scale scar on my chest. Kureno suffered as much as I did and I don’t intend to cause him more pain.

Our lips touched each other when I went for a kiss he found hard to return. I inched away from his face, feeling a little down. Does my kiss disgusted him?

“I–I’m sor—” he cut my apology by slamming his lips on mine, swiping slow his thin ones against my lower lip that I didn’t notice was quivering due to the aggressive contact.

There’s nothing to hold on to asides from his exposed chest and shoulders, so I resorted to holding on to my knees as the kiss deepens. My mind was blank. There were no records of him and I doing this kind of thing. Nothing resurfaced. Could it be our first kiss? It might be. Kureno was the one who’s moving and taking full control of the situation. I just sat here, gripping my knees as I feel his every little movements. His kisses were sensual and hot against my trembling mouth that cannot even return the favor.

A string was formed when our lips parted, breathing closed on each other mouth, I asked, “ever kissed a statue?” Kureno laughed, connecting our lips again, breaking the string. I tried to mimick his lips motions but I ended up having every corners of my lips wounded by his unintentional bites between our kiss. Damn. I’m a bad kisser.

“Your blood tastes like honey,” he seemed pleased by my errors that he managed to turn my full face red when he licked his lips with my blood on it.

I turned away to hide my face and swollen lips but Kureno forced me to face him by removing my Radiohead shirt. He did it so easily and fast that I looked so dumbfounded when he lain me on the bed, topless. I don’t wear a bra at home, so he feasted his eyes on my not-so big bosoms.

“Just to be fair with you, wife,” Kureno slid his tops off his body and joined me on the bed, covering our bottoms that he started undoing while staring straight in to my soul.

The first touch was chilly, perhaps due to the newness of the situation for me. But when his toned abdomen and ‘that’ touched mine, that’s the moment I felt it rising. The heat.

My head fell in defeat, eyes fluttering from the high temperature consuming my awareness. His room was darkened from the absence of lights but Kureno made no mistakes of where he should touch first. It went straight to my chest, tracing the thin gash that a knife created. The moonlight peeked into his room at the Sohma Estate, shining brightly at us.

“You’re beautiful.” It felt genuine, his comment. I held his face near the scar. His hair tickling my neck.

“You are, too, Kureno.” I smiled at the moon. Our silent witness towards the boiling point.

My hands grabbed his hair for support. His slick tongue ran along the length of the scar, nipping the top skin near the crook of my neck. He breathed there, melting the cold by his warm breath. Kureno raised his head, trying to get a hold of my failing eyes.

“Look at me, Y/N.” He held down my wrists on both sides of my head, pinning them with gentle force, “I can stop—”

“Don’t.” I hope the determination in my eyes was enough to make him continue his business.

He spoken no words, just his lips launching down to mine as a response. I parted my lips for him, letting his tongue to intrude my mouth he tasted awhile ago. Kureno breathed sharply inside my mouth. I may have stirred him by sucking his bottom lip. He did that to me, I was just returning the heat.

“Kureno!” his right hand surprised me. I felt it above my chest, squeezing, palming with great pressure. My head turned to the other side, slipping away from his mouth that landed on my jaw. He kissed me there. Gnawing the fluffy skin that extends downwardly to my neck.

“Kureno... Kureno... ” I kept crying his name as he keeps nibbling my neck and eventually, sucking the part he chooses to leave his mark.

He moaned, hummed and breathed throughout the movements. Mesmerized by his own masterpiece. I heard him commending my soft cries and patience. He even said I looked magnificent with all the red marks he imprinted on my neck and shoulders.

I knew it would come. The part where we need to establish a connection between us. The duvet hanged tightly around his torso as he hovered over me, parting my thighs with his knee, I felt him there, leaning down the entry point.

Kureno rised my legs high enough for him to handle. My whole body was trembling from anticipation. It would burn. It would. He put it atop the flesh, testing the readiness.

He claimed my lips again. Moving down my neck, finishing onto one of the buds that aches for his touch.

“Kureno...” I felt it again rubbing atop of my core. He placed my hand on his chest. Wrapped my legs around his hips and lastly, encouraged me to grab on his wrist and I came up with an idea.

When it came, the burn, the heat, the suffocating pain that fired up my whole senses, I bit his left wrist hard as he pushed into it.

Kureno’s lips gaped apart and his head snapped backwards when he reached the end of the passage.

I sobbed underneath him, squirming from the pain that hangs around.

“Bear with me, wife. You’ll get used to it.”

He withdrawn his wrist from my grip and removed the pillow beneath my head, caging me whole inside his arms as he holds me down by my shoulders. I felt small underneath him, completely overpowered by his strength.

“It’s consuming me, Kureno aah!” it burns and burns and burns that without uncertainty, I was sure it was bleeding from the sudden stretch. My sobs turned out as a loud cry, giving Kureno a hard time to adjust and move freely.

His palms soothed my sides, squeezing only when needed. Gave full attention on my chest and with those gestures, it’s too late for me to realize that he’s already easing his way in and way out.

“I will seed this land of yours and you won’t waste a drop, understood?” Kureno turned out to be a supreme one and he actually left me astounded by whispering all the dirty things he would do to me. That I belong only to him and he’ll never let me go again.

I should be embarrassed by all of his dirty talks and how he manhandled me right after my body adjusted from him but it turned out to be just fine and surprisingly, caused the numerous build up of my arousal that night.

The sun was up and far beyond the horizon when I decided to have my meal after our heated night. Kureno brought me a toast and iced cold fruit juice. It felt awkward having him watched me eating the food he served.

“Tell me when you need some medication, wife.” I would be needing some, look at me, beaten in a good way and overworked. Kureno pushed my hair behind and checked my neck. He tsked but with a grin.

“I just wanna sleep all day, Kurenohmmpp!” I gasped from his unannounced action. Stealing the toast between my lips using his lips. Our lips partly touched each other and dang! His eyes turned into the darkest hue.

Kureno loosened the lace of the hoodie I was wearing and playfully pulled a portion down, revealing my shoulder blade, “tsk, but I plan keeping you awake all day, wife.”

The heat just won’t die down in that darkened room.

#love #imagines #smut #imagine #anime #fluff #one shot #fruit basket #sohma #kureno sohma #zodiac #rooster

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mellointheory · 2 years ago

Note

1, 10 & 12 from the reverse ask game are kind of all the same answer for me so I'm gonna write something for all of them aaa. so my favourite fic is definitely rafflesia hearts (and I've already gushed about it today because I saw on my dash you posted a new chapter) and despite the fact that i found the fic just a week or so ago I've already reread some of the chapters because it's just. amazing. I'm generally a huge sucker for superhero aus and seeing a side of the fandom that's not as popular as main characters has been amazing and honestly a lovely change of pace from what I usually read, and the fact that the writing is amazing is just the cherry on top & I'm currently slowly working through every single other fic you have up (loved the ghost!boomer one btw - I can't remember the title though). there's just something about how ur writing style is relatively simple & the chapters aren't overwhelmingly long but it all still manages to capture everything extremely well (especially a character's humanity, if that makes sense? they just feel like real people, which sometimes doesn't happen fully in fanfiction, or if it does its overly dramatic where it doesn't need to be, and I find that you don't do that, which, again, change of pace and everything) and I honestly cannot wait to have some free time to sit down and draw ant & gumi bc i just love the concept of them working as a duo that much :). I can't wait to see everything else you come up with and I hope you have a great rest of your day/night! -tubbolives (anon bc its a sideblog lol)

My favorite fic of yours

10. A character/ship I didn't enjoy/think about as much before you wrote about them

12. A fic of yours that i've re-read

i am valuing this ask so much actually i think one of the coolest things ever is when people read my fics who don't normally consume content from that pairing or even fandom. that's the type of thing that makes me go Ah, people like my actual writing holy shit.

mfngfm i dont have a lot of other responses to this ask because i just keep rereading it and then smiling real big and getting distracted AAAA IM REALLY REALLY GLAD U LIKE IT

askers ask game

#things that made me smile

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natsukitakama · 4 years ago

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Being in relationship with the weeping monk would include :

Author note : alright I know I promised to write about Merlin and the green knight and I will. I just couldn’t stop thinking about this . Also it’s been like three months since my last writing I hope I won’t disappoint you. I expect to work on my request as soon as possible ♡ Love u guys

I'll definetly write a Merlin and Green knights’ part

i do not own the gif credit to the owner

Warning : some mention of smut but nothing too serious / mention of trauma / Spoiler

A lot of patience, I cannot imagine how much trauma this man went through. Apparently he is the only survivor (or at least Ash are barely here anymore) from his species and believe during his whole life that he was damned, he should be ashamed about his true being. In addition he grew up into a fanatical church, so it might be difficult to get to know him especially if you are a fey

Unlike his « father » he doesn’t hate fey but believe they need to expel their darkness such as him and that’s why he is working hard for the church so he could earn his freedom and soul. But then he realized they were barely followed their own rule, monk aren’t supposed to kill children but his father does.

He felt betrayed and had no longer a place and a purpose to follow. I’m pretty sure he’ll follow squirrel since he does seem to like him. It will take time for him to trust you enough to even talk with you and it won’t help if you’re fey cause he won’t understand why you’re trying to be nice to him especially because of the killing he’s done for the church

If you want to get close to him just take your time, the man can be harsh and he’ll be on the defensive since his background with the church. It will take time but he will be nicer with you eventually

He tends to go nicer if you’re caring with him, always asking him how he is doing, if he is feeling well, proposing yourself to patch him or anything. He is a touch-starved adult man, and I believe he doesn’t have much love in his life neither from the church nor from his family (or barely since he was raised by Father)

When he will finally feel confortable enough around you, he’ll talk a lot about you from specific things such as what are you working on, how’s your training doing, to banality : anything to make you talk honestly. He just loves your voice it just calm him down everytime. He loves your voice, he really loves it.

He loves your smile too and would be jealous anytime he saw you smiling to anyone who isn’t him

Cause here’s the thing, he is a monk, he shouldn’t be materialist or anything but he can’t help : if there is something to know about Lancelot is that he does not share. Not even you.

Even if you’re not in relationship, he believes no one has the right to be next to you, he is working hard to earn that right so he’ll threaten ( sending death glare) anyone who’ll be too comfortable around you. I’m not joking about it this is man is possessive fight me on this.

At this point you would ask me, how does he fall in love with us ? Easy one : One night after a huge fight he was sitting near of a camp fire, everyone was already asleep too sore to bother extinguish the flames, everyone but you and him. As you were walking into your bed for the night you catch him staring at the fire, he looked focused and lost at the same time as if he were asking himself « what the hell i’m doing here ». You were wondering if he didn’t have a second thought, after all he joined you and squirrel not that long ago he might be still into the church’s philosophy. So you walked into his direction, determined to know what’s going on Lancelot’s mind. When you sat close to him he barely moves as if he was expecting you to do something like this.

At first you said nothing not knowing what to say to hurt him. But seeing him focused, looking as lost as a child, gave you strength to face him and his insecurities. So you asked him what’s wrong and if you could help in any way.

He didn’t say anything, but judging by his expression you knew he was looking at his word carefully.

« Do you think I am monster ? »

« What ? »

« Y/N do you think i’m monster ? »

« No of course not why would you say that ? »

He didn’t answer back instead he just stared at the fire and then you realized what was behind his question

« Lance’ look I can’t say that I know what you’re experiencing right know as much as I can’t say that I understand what you’re going through. But I know something Lance’ no matter what people would say about you, remember that me, Y/N do not see you as a monster quite contrary all I see right now is a broken man trying to find his path. »

« How can you say that ? I-I murdered a lot of us »

« But you’re trying to change, you did once to save squirrel and you’re trying again »

« How can you be so sure about it ? I still believe on the power of the church »

« Lance… Do you think I am monster ? Do I deserve to die ? »

« What ? No ! Of course not »

« See ? You’re changing and if you want another argument you never be so talkative before »

Hearing him chuckled told you you were successful for now at least. You knew he needed to take time because of everything he’s been through. You never noticed, but that day he realized by his quick answer that you mean something to him. He knew by his reaction that he would never be able to hurt you. You put faith on him while he couldn’t even believe in him, you were genuine with him and he knew that you meant everything you told him that.

That day the weeping monk decided that he’ll do everything in his power to make you happy even if he would need to stay away.

I believe he’ll still follow his moral and would still respect most of the rule he learnt from the church. But the moment he realized that you were his everything and that you might feel the same, well let’s say he forgot couple of rules (especially the one who prohibited marriage)

He is into marriage fight me on this

Being in relationship with him implies helping him when he feels down especially when is questioning is whole being as a person. Cause he is truly fucked up, he believes he doesn’t deserve to live, the church was supposed to be the only way to save him from damnation. Now all he can do is to rely on you.

He will need a tone of times

He also needs attention, but be careful cause the man got reputation and is pretty awkward with all those things since I believe no one was very careful and kind with him.

He is touch-starved meaning he would crave for attention, but he isn’t comfortable enough so there things he will tolerate in private while some things would be okay in public.

For example he doesn’t mind holding you hand (he loves it your hand is so small and feel so sweet against his calloused one) even in public especially if notices someone starring at you

He likes hug but don’t do frequently though. He was raised to become a monk, I believe he never received any mark of affection or barely so he is still a bit tense about you being physical with him.

He is a monk but he is still a man and well he got urges and he can’t focus on stopping those kind of thought when you’re holding him tightly, pressing your chest against him. But there is time when he just can’t help but needing to have you against him.

Same thing for kiss, it’s so intimate, so intoxicating it’s like you were the one in charge of his own body and mind. He is overwhelmed by way too many feelings at once, so kiss are only tolerated when you two are alone.

At this point, you’ll understand that this man is a virgin baby

And if we’re talking about sex well, he is a monk. Safe to say you would be his first and probably he is last. It will take a long time before he would even consider being intimate with you, it was one thing to betray the church but breaking his vows was quite another.

Kissing you or hugging you doesn’t make him feel bad in the meaning it wasn’t for him as if he was breaking one of his vows. I’m not saying that he is asexual but I’m sure he can live without having sex with someone (even if sometimes he feels the need to have you right here and then, he can control it he does it all the time).

If he feels like he could dedicate his whole life to you, well you feel it when you two would be intimate.

Let’s say he counterbalances his lack of experience by skills and a tone of worship, I can’t explain how he could do that, but the man is a worshiper (no punt intended).

He kisses and caresses a lot

When you two are linked, he expects you to be on the top in every way (especially because he is aware of his lack of experience and also because he turned him on to see you being in charge, more than he would like to admit)

During your first time he didn’t last as long as he expects to last, especially because he was overwhelmed by all the feelings and the love he could feel through you.

He tends to last longer after that

I didn’t underline it enough, but I think the man is pretty sensitive in all way. He may look like a cold soldier but he is doing a good job at internalize his feelings. Which could be a huge obstacle for a relationship cause he tends to not talk about his feeling hence the difficulty for you sometimes cause you don’t know what to do to make him feel comfortable enough to talk to you.

Don’t worry just give him time, remind him that you’re here to help him, that he is not alone. Let him go to you when he feels like it.

It will take time but it’ll be worth it : he is very carrying, he would love you in a way you would never expect someone to love you like this. He would be your friends, your lover, your protector.

Yeah because he is overprotecting don’t ever try to protest that’s a battle you won’t win : you’re too precious.

#Cursed Netflix #cursed #daniel sharman #the weeping monk #the weeping monk x reader #the weeping monk x you #Lancelot x reader #Lancelot x you #cursed Netflix headcanon #the weeping monk headcanon

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httpknjoon · 4 years ago

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once again │myg; 1

plot│ How can an eight year relationship turned as a bitter past? Can such thing can be rekindled once again? After your friend invited you to come to your home country after a long time, you decided to visit for three weeks. In three weeks, many things can happen. Including meeting Min Yoongi once again.

genres│ angst, little fluff over there, exes!au

word count│3.4k

pairings │yoongi x reader, taehyung x reader (esp in this chapter)

masterlist | once again — preview

Are you nervous? Happy? Excited? Sad? Or angry?

You don’t know.

Wheels were rolling everywhere. Some people seem to be struggling and hurrying with their own kinds of stuff. While others are just sitting peacefully, knowing that they are still early for their flights. On the other side, you were sitting on a cold, metal, airport seating. Looking around, you were waiting for someone to arrive before you leave.

“Is everything okay? I mean, your stuff? You already have everything you should bring right?”

You panned your eyes to your side. Naeun, your best friend, is looking at you worriedly with her puffed eyes. You nodded with a tight-lipped smile and wandered your eyes around the place again. Naeun watched you at first. She knew you were waiting for someone. And she was also aware that you were nervous based on how your fingers fidget on your luggage’s handle. You kept on biting your lower lip unconsciously.

“Did you two talked already? Did he said he’s going?” Naeun asked.

“Yes and no.” You answered, already knowing who she was talking of. “Yes, we talked. I told him that we can work on our relationship as long as we have our phones or laptops. But, you know how Yoongi feels about goodbyes, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But, I am just hoping that maybe he will drop by to hug or kiss me for one last time.” You sighed deeply, looking down.

A month ago, you were over the moon after receiving an e-mail that you passed for a job as a column writer for a magazine. It was your dream job. Plus, you will be traveling to a new country, Canada. You were literally going to the other side of the world, a thousand miles away. The main reason why your boyfriend was literally against you, accepting this job, in the first place. You and Yoongi have been together for eight years but this will be the first time that you two will be far from each other.

“Good evening, passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight YYZ 2308 to Toronto, Canada. We are now inviting passengers to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes. Thank you.”

Only ten minutes left. You were still hoping for Yoongi to come. Squeezing your eyes close, you secretly prayed for him to maybe arrive somewhere here.

“I think you should go,” Naeun said.

“No, I still have a few minutes.” You tried to sound positive and waited over and over until...

“This is the final boarding call for passengers booked on flight YYZ 2308 to Toronto, Canada. Please proceed to gate 2 immediately. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately ten minutes. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for passengers booked on flight YYZ 2308. Thank you.”

“Okay.”

That was your final call. You and Naeun stood up from your seats. Naeun began crying once again as she hugs you before you board your flight.

“Take care there, Y/N. Don’t overwork yourself. Don’t skip meals, okay?” Your best friend told you, sounding like a parent to her child.

“Thank you so much, Naeun. I’ll try calling you when I arrive there. I will miss you and everyone. Tell them that I’ll miss them too.” You hugged her tightly.

The hug did not last long and you are now proceeding to Gate Two. The attendant greeted you after you handed your boarding pass and identification card.

“Wait, Y/N.”

Yoongi was the one who runs to you since you were already in the line. His chest was heaving as he hugged you.

“You came.” You were still in disbelief.

“Yeah, I’m kinda late but I want to see you before you leave,” Yoongi whispered. “Take care of yourself while being there, okay? Do well with your job. Call me when you get there.”

That’s when you cried. Two weeks ago, you and Yoongi have been fighting since he cannot let you go there. But you explained your reasons and goals. Back then, Yoongi just agreed with a nod, not saying much and already admitting your win. Now, Yoongi is here, cheering you for your plans. You two hugged as tight as you can before leaning your foreheads together.

“I love you so much. Thank you so much, Yoongi.” You sobbed.

“I love you too,”

For the last time, both of you shared a short but sweet kiss. You smiled as you let go. The flight attendant smiled at you after handing you your identification card. You knew she already has seen a hundred of this same scene you and Yoongi made. You looked at Yoongi for the last time and you wave him a hand while showing you his gummy smile. It made you smile more, knowing that he supports you and you will be calling him once you landed in Canada.

The loud ringing of your phone woke you up. You shuffled on your bed, looking for that noisy device. Your face scrunched. It took you two more minutes to finally find it under some pillows. It was only 6:30 AM, you can't think of someone who will call you this early. But, your eyes immediately lit up as you read who was calling you early in the morning.

“Good morning!” You are already in good vibes as you greeted the caller.

“Good morning, love. Did I call you too early?” His voice is still raspy, indicating that maybe he just woke up too.

“No, it’s fine. I did not hear my alarm clock minutes ago.” You answered, now sitting on your bed.

“Nice! Let’s go to work together, okay? I’ll pick you up later. Let’s buy breakfast on the way.”

“Okay, okay. Love you.”

After the call ended, you immediately went straight to your bathroom. This is how your day began. It has been four years since you had your job as a column writer and you no longer work in Canada. Three years ago, you were offered to work in the magazine’s main office in New York City. And of course, you said yes. It was the total dream that came true for you. You haven’t visited Seoul ever since you left. You were busy and after things changed in between those years, you never had plans of coming back again. You and your best friend, Naeun, never lost in touch anyways. You two always talk through video calls with her little girl, Jina.

‘Will be there in five minutes.’

You read your boyfriend’s text just after you just blow dry your hair. Your makeup was already done and you started fixing your hair for a simple side braid. Minutes later, you were already leaving your apartment in your office clothes and classic black heels. Your eyes were quick to spot the familiar black car in front of your apartment building. One of its windows rolled down, revealing your boyfriend.

“Let’s go?”

You smiled before opening the door to the passenger seat. As soon as you got in, you gave him a quick kiss on his lips.

“So, where do you want to have breakfast?” He asked as he drove.

You went silent and started thinking, “Maybe we should drive-thru into that coffeehouse.”

“You said that you don’t drink coffee.”

“I don’t. But, I heard that they sell great pastries too, Tae.” You responded.

Taehyung did not say anything and turned the wheel to the coffeehouse. He was the one who ordered after you told him what you want. You almost squealed because of excitement when you smelled the delicious smell of freshly baked muffins that you got.

“Thank you, love.” You placed a kiss on his cheek before giving a bite of the chocolate chip muffin. “So good.”

Taehyung could not help but giggle at how cute you look. Tiny crumbs of the bread were left on the side of your lips.

“Hey, be careful about eating. You might re-do your make up after that."

"Then, I will re-do it later. It's just so good."

You grinned once again, not aware that there is some evidence of chocolate on your front teeth. Your boyfriend just laughed and continued driving. Not long after, you two arrived in your office building. You work in the same magazine. Taehyung’s job is a creative director, suited for his artistic mind.

“Was the chocolate gone? How do I look?” You asked him after cleaning yourself up.

“Lovely.” He smiled.

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, I remembered that I should not have asked you.”

“What? Why?”

“You will always say I look great even though I look shitty.”

You heard him chuckle, “You do look great anytime, love!”

The two of you strolled side by side inside your building. You met your other co-workers in the elevator. When the door opened to the fifteenth floor, the whole place is still quiet and empty. Each of you went to your own cubicle and desks. Since you have been working in this magazine for three years now, your working place was already personalized by you. Many neon-colored sticky notes were placed on the wall. A picture frame sat beside your computer desktop, showing an image of you and Taehyung.

After fixing your things, you began working on your last document. The topic that was given to you was quite hard for you though you experienced a few parts of it. You tried researching and interviewing other people about it, hoping that you will be able to make something from it. But, you found it hard. So, you just type whatever in your head. You thought of asking Claire, your editor in chief, to change your topic. But, on the other side, you also thought that maybe it can help you to explore more. You tried processing every information you got and type it all away. You got busy that you did not notice a phone notification from a particular person.

"Hey, Y/N."

You looked up from your computer screen. It was Jane, your co-worker, and friend.

"Me and Henry’s eating out for lunch. Do you and Taehyung want to join?” She invited you.

"Hmm? What time is it already?" You asked since you never really bothered watching your time while working.

"It's almost one in the afternoon."

“Oh, okay. I’ll join it.”

You stood up from your chair and secured your document to your computer. You picked up your phone and wallet from your bag.

“But, I will still ask Tae if he is joining.” You added.

Taehyung is in his shared office with the magazine’s design team. Since they have a glass wall, you already spotted your boyfriend all alone focused on his desktop. It looks like his other colleague already left for lunch. You knocked three times on the glass, making him look up to you. You mouthed ‘let’s have lunch’. Taehyung was quick to get your sentence and left his work.

“You seem so focused there, love.” You told him as you and Taehyung stay behind your two friends.

"Yeah, the team decided a new theme for this month's issue. I had to change many things with my latest work."

Taehyung kept on talking while you thought of checking your phone. And there, you finally noticed the message you received a couple of hours ago. It was from Naeun, asking you to give her a call in your free time. You and Naeun never lost communication in between those years and it’s not new that she messaged you like this. This time, you feel like Naeun has something to tell you. But after checking the time there in Seoul, you thought that maybe you should call her later.

Henry and Jane lead you to the newly opened restaurant, not too far in your building. You only ordered a chicken salad and tomato soup. While eating, they started talking about what they are currently working on. The four of you shared ideas and opinions to help one another until they asked you about yours.

“My topic is extremely hard for me right now.” You told them.

“Oh, that’s new. You always do good research with your subjects.” Henry responded.

“That’s right. Why? What is it all about?” Taehyung also asked.

You did not hesitate to answer since you expected that maybe they can share their own experiences too. But what Jane had told you took you back for a bit.

“Hey, I think that’s easy. I’m sure you got through a break up before. Hmm? You will get some pointers from that.”

It’s true that you already got through a breakup before. But, you are sure that you will not get anything from it. Your article topic was completely missing with the first and only break up you have encountered. The old memories from the past crashed inside your head again. Your heart began beating like crazy again as you

“Love?”

Suddenly, Taehyung held your unconsciously balled fist. You were clutching it too tight that your knuckles turned white. A hint of worry was found in his expression.

“Are you okay?”

You sighed before nodding slowly. Taehyung played with your fingers by pinching each one of it softly, a thing he always does to calm you down when stuff like this happens. The lunch did not take any longer. You and your friends went back to your jobs.

“Are you okay now?” Taehyung asked as you sat back to your swivel chair.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." You said sincerely.

You felt sorry that he still has to deal with you having an issue from your past. But Taehyung held your hand again and left a kiss on your forehead.

"You don't have to be sorry. I will always understand."

The day went on. You ended up writing nothing since you cannot focus. You tried anything to type something. Your article was left just like what it was before you had your lunch break. It felt like your head is going to burst while forcing it to focus on your article.

The whole ride back home with Taehyung was silent, only the radio produces a noise. You chose to stay in Taehyung's place for dinner. He said he will order some fast food meals. As soon as you got home and get changed with your boyfriend's clothes, Taehyung called for a food delivery while you contact Naeun. Maybe it will help you to think less.

"Finally! I thought you did not read my message." Naeun said on the other line.

"Well, sorry. I thought that maybe I should call you after you wake up there. Remember? Time difference?" You scoffed.

"Oh, okay. Sorry. Anyways, Y/N, can I ask you a favor?"

You can imagine Naeun acting cute with her puppy eyes just for her tone.

"Sure, just don't make it something illegal or what." you joked, making you both giggle.

"Can you please, please, pretty please come here in Seoul? Maybe just a visit?"

"What?" you almost whispered.

You did not expect that even though you know you should have. It was the first time Naeun begged you like this after you left and you understood her. It's been years.

"Come on, Y/N. Everyone here misses you! Especially the gang. Jina, Me, Seokjin, Namjoon, and... Yoongi." She was obviously unsure of the last one since the tone of her voice changed.

"Yeah?"

That was the only thing you can say. There is a part of you who wants to say yes because of course, you miss them too. But there is also the other half of you who is extremely anxious and just wants to decline Naeun's request. You are afraid to see Yoongi again after four years. And you hate how crumbled your mind is.

You heard Naeun let out a big air from the other line, "Listen, if this is about Yoongi, I swear. It's been years! I'm sure he will be happier to see you again than act something bad because you guys broke up. I'm sure that everything will be cool."

"Are you sure?" You were biting the insides of your cheeks. Still, you're glad that she's aware of you and Yoongi.

"Of course! We just want to see you again! You can bring your boyfriend if you want."

As if he heard it, Taehyung sat beside you on the couch. He is playing something on his phone. You looked at him as you talked again.

"Yeah?" You were still unsure. "I-I will think about it or check my schedule or something."

"Okay, Y/N. We just really miss having you here. Love you. Miss you so much!"

"Miss you too."

That's when you ended the call. Taehyung stopped with his game when you noticed you were done already with the call. He can see how troubled you are.

"Naeun and my friends want me to visit them there." You opened up.

"Oh, that's great. Right?" He smiled but you frowned even more.

"Yup, but I'm having thoughts again." You fiddle on the hem of his big shirt you're wearing.

"Well, do you want to talk about it?" Taehyung's voice was gentle.

You looked at him, thinking if he will be comfortable with this conversation you two are having.

"Are you sure?" you asked him and he smiles once again. "I mean, I know I should not be anxious about this. Especially now that I have you and we are together. But, my ex is there and I don't know what can happen."

Taehyung engulfed you with a warm hug. You rested your head on his chest while he repeatedly slides his hand with your hair.

"I know that you feel kind of awkward for telling me these kinds of stuff about your ex but remember that I am your best friend too. I am willing to hear anything and everything from you. I am happy that you are opening up to me like this and I think it would be a great idea to go visit them again."

"Really?" You asked, still snuggled under his neck.

"Yes. It was your home and they are your friends. I am sure you miss them so much too."

You removed yourself from and looked at him.

"And what about Yoongi? Are you okay with him? I mean, we are in one circle of friends. Will it be fine for you?"

Taehyung cupped both of your cheeks, "Love, I trust you. I understand that you two have been together for almost a decade but I trust you. I know that you will never do such a thing. Right?"

You can see how Taehyung is sincere with everything he said. He gave you a peck on your lips and hugged you again.

"Anyways, think about it. If you're uncomfortable with going back there. Then, it's fine. They will understand."

You hugged him back. The amount of comfort Taehyung gave you for today was amazing. Even though every trouble you had today was connected to your past.

Yoongi.

He is now a part of your past, right?

You thought. Reflecting on what Taehyung said. Maybe visiting your old place will be a great idea. Maybe it will result in something wonderful despite the past.

Maybe.

"Three weeks leave?"

Your editor in chief, Claire, looked up from you after reading your letter. You felt a little nervous though Claire was never strict. But, it was your first time requesting leave and you thought that maybe the days you requested were too long.

"Uhm, yes. But, I will still write and pass my articles and research through e-mail. I am just staying back home for weeks." You explained.

"Okay, I see." Claire nodded, looking back to your letter. "I think this was the first time you ask for a leave. Please, correct me if I'm wrong."

"Oh, yes. This is the first time."

"Okay. You can take your leave. Just send your works through e-mail and we'll be fine." She smiles friendly. "When will you be taking your leave?"

"Three days from now."

Three days later, you are now standing in the line for boarding with your luggage. You took a cab going to the airport. Taehyung cannot come with you since he still has to go to work but he lets you wear a hoodie of his to make you feel he is 'with you'. That's what he said. He asked you to update him with your departure and arrival. Even now, before you leave, you sent him a picture of you pouting. It willl be a fourteen-hour flight and you cannot text him between those hours.

Now, you sat on your seat inside the plane. There's an extremely tiny voice inside your body that says, "No, don't go back there. Past is past." But there was also the larger one who blocks it with "Go, Y/N. It's time to face the past again."

Your head was a little less messy than last week. And you hope that staying in Seoul for three weeks will only bring good memories. You hope that you'll finally find an answer to the article topic you still writing on.

🍒 taglist 🍒 < @ladykadyrova @scalubera @biaswreckeedbybts @scentedsope @whocaresarchives @craftymoonchaos > <and if you anted to be added for next chapter's taglist, leave a reply 🦋>

author’s note │i hope you enjoyed the first chapter of once again! this one may be full of taehyung and y/n moments but next following chapters will include more yoongi and their gang. let me know your thoughts!!

masterlist

#bts au #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts imagine #yoongi angst #yoongi smut #yoongi fluff #min yoongi #once again #httpknjoon #bts x reader #bts

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wonderlustlucas · 4 years ago

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jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

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jaefluenza · 4 years ago

Text

In Case You Don’t Love Yourself | J.jh

word count: 2,4k words

pairing: Jaehyun x prostitute!reader

warning: suicide attempt, suggestive content, mention of sex, arm-cutting, drugs, self loathing etc

a/n : i didn’t write this to mock or use the idea of not loving and appreciating ourselves, but through this little package of scenario i would like to pass on a message that; you cannot truly love another until you know how to love yourself. be proud of who you are, and not ashamed of how someone else sees you. forgive yourself and seek help from professionals or loved ones if needed. remind yourself every day that you’re not alone :) i’m here with all of u <3

I am very much aware that I am in a place where everyone thought is wrong and sinful. Everyone has to hide whenever they'd want to taste and jump into this particular world where they call it the devil's lair, but I get to taste and feel it almost every day.

Everyone eyes me with lust and greed, but no one ever looks at me with even one hint of respect. I know that I don't deserve any of it, but what about love, appreciation, and self-worth? I keep looking for them, oh, I swear I'd chase them to the end of the world. But my dirty body and this filthy mind of mine are banning me to look for who I really am. And I eventually came to the conclusion that I, a nobody in this big hellish world, do not deserve a single fucking love.

Sometimes, I thank God for allowing me to see the rays of sunshine through the small window in my miserable apartment, even though I'm not sure if He was listening. No one ever wants to listen to any of my prayers. I too, sometimes, are listening to people begging the Almighty, to forgive their sins almost every weekend. But that makes me do a lot more thinking, will He ever forgive me? I don't know, who would I ask?

That was until I met Jung Jaehyun.

Working in a place where I met a lot of dirty old men, some young perverts, and curious male students, I didn't expect myself to find a soulmate in any place in the world. For fuck’s sake, I couldn't even find myself. A soulmate? Sounds needy. But that one night, I didn't even know it changed me for the better.

He came with his two friends. One with long beautiful blonde mullet, and one with astonishing pink hair. Him? Not really that special, just a dazzling golden brown hair. I was so awe-struck by the three of them, and I knew that they couldn't just land in this kind of place without actually getting lost. There's no way that they instinctively came here to seek touch from a woman, I thought. But I was wrong.

"The name's Jung Jaehyun. And I would like to order three champagnes for the night. We're celebrating," He ordered with a gorgeous wink. I took his order, and as usual, I offer the services of the ladies we have here. Surprisingly, they didn't ask for any list just like any other guys did. He chose me. By the means of him, yes, only him chose me. The other guys bluntly said that they weren't coming for the sex, but he was. I immediately said yes and two hours with hell-like sexual tension later, I found myself having fun with the devil with him in the VVIP bedroom.

The only thing good from having this job was you got your sexual needs fulfilled, as any other human beings would say. And the only thing bad from having to be this kind of woman was you never got to find love. Moaning each other's names even though you only heard it like fifteen minutes ago never gives you the kind of love that everyone kept talking about. The lust-filled kisses you'd get every night will never compare to the ones they said will sweep you off your feet. They feel either as rough as if an abuser would grab a fist of your hair.

But that one particular night felt faithfully different. Jung Jaehyun kissed me like it was the last night he would ever see me. Jung Jaehyun stripped my upper top as if he would open a whole new fragile world. He sucked on my body like I am the most precious thing in the world. He made me feel like, maybe, I deserve some love in a tiny space called moment. Hang on, was that even love?

I had no idea, but some ideas did come to me at the moment. Something like adoration? Appreciation? Everything that sounds like love and affection.

And when I thought he kissed me so passionately like it was the last time he was gonna see me, we never ended there. He got my number, and I thought I was just gonna be a call girl.

He did call me two days after that hook-up, and I expected him to request me already naked in a sexy nightgown somewhere in a fancy motel, but no. You wouldn't believe me, but he requested my presence in a small cozy cafe for a lunch date. I remember blinking at the sound of his delicate question, before actually saying yes to him. He replied with a simple, "nice" before telling me when we should meet. And for the first time, my heart beats quickly in excitement.

Do I want to end my life? Yes, sometimes. When I feel like my lungs are filled with guilts and regrets, I'd want to just disappear out of this uncaring world. No one would know, anyway. But life does not work that easy, right? When life would suffocate my little existence, I know I can not just end it. Instead, I have to keep on fighting. As much as how dirty and useless I am as a person, I still have these little rays of pride and hope.

Back to Jung Jaehyun. He took me on a real date, something that I couldn't believe truly happened that day. He paid for the lunch after we ordered some fish-and-chips and two glasses of peach ice tea which felt like a fancy dinner compared to the countless ramen cups I had almost every day.

And, though it may seem strange, we talked. Like, having a good conversation as actual human beings who love to chat with someone under good weather. He asked about how I've been living, and I lied about how I live just fine, even though I wasn't sure if he had noticed the glint of my shaky eyes. He casually informed me about his life, how he lives with other four boys in the apartment, before telling me that he is, as a matter of fact, a celebrity in a strained manner.

I didn't dare to judge him. I mean, who even am I to judge? Everyone would know that I am nothing but a piece of trash compared to what he is. He is far beyond me. And I plucked up the courage to ask him the question that had just popped in my mind with a bitter laugh, "If you're a singer, then why would you be sitting with me here in daylight, and not spending some time singing or slaying the stage like you usually do?"

And he unworldly answered, "Well, because I'm interested in you?"

I know it was wrong to lash out on him like that. I was confused, I was pissed that he said he was interested in me. It's like he was saying that I got to feel this whole new experience, just because he was interested in me. I could never understand why he would be fucking interested in me, while there are millions of women he could just pick out to be his, but me? Hell no.

Though there was a little bit of regret when I unpleasantly ended the date, I couldn't do anything besides shoving him off when he offered to send me home.

Jung Jaehyun was indeed a whole new experience to me. He didn't give up just like that. He might know that it would be uncomfortable for me to receive his text at the moment, so he came again to the pub. I bit my lips nervously when I offered him a drink which felt like deja vu, and he only smiled. "I would like you for the night."

I wasn't ready for the sex, though I secretly crave a second time with him, and he seemed to know that. We ended up at the same VVIP room just like we first met, but he didn't touch me.

I sat down as he told me so, and when I thought that it could be a hint of dominance in bed, he also sat next to me on the edge of the bed. "You're not going to touch me?" I asked. He shook his head, "As much as I want to, no. We're just going to talk." I knew that I couldn't lose to his pair of sharp eyes, so I sighed and listened to him.

"That lunch, I apologize if what I said to you was offending." He paused before looking straight into my eyes. His deep brown orbs dig through my own pair as if he was looking for something hidden in them. "You did not actually offend me, but I was just overreacting."

"May I perhaps... know your concerns?" Oh, how much I love that gentle voice. It gives me reassurance and calmness.

"I was just confused. Like, how come a snazzy person like you, be interested in me who is a literal nobody? I was just feeling like you make a joke out of me. I'm sorry I made you apologize," I explained.

He chuckled beautifully. "You don't have to be sorry. It is not wrong for you to think like that, I wouldn't judge you. But after almost a week of knowing you, you are not that worthless like what you have just said." And for once, I believed in someone.

We continue to seek each other, him occasionally trying to tell me to quit the dark nightlife, and me trying to adjust to his busy schedules. We called each other as lovers, and I could finally say that I found the love I never thought I could find. I ended up quitting my job sooner than I expected, and move into his newly bought apartment one month after we started dating.

But, does life finally give up on hammering me down?

To be in love with Jung Jaehyun would be an understatement. We love each other so much to the point that I started to forget my anxiety and insecurities in awhile. He made it clear to me every day that I am worthy of being myself, being loved, and being cared for. Every time I would look at the mirror, he would get there as quickly as he can, to reassure me that he loves me, for everything I am, and I believe in him.

But is that enough? I don't know. As much as he showers me with love and fondness, he's not home 24/7. He works for our future, as he promised. And those alone times would have me overthinking on the big lavish sofa, am I really worthy of his time? Why would he stay with me, a literal nobody who still needs her pills every night before she falls asleep to keep her calm?

Yes, I never told Jaehyun that I have meds to keep my sanity steady. I never told him that sometimes I ordered some syringes of sedatives to keep my cries away. He never gets the idea of what's behind the reason why I'm always able to smile in front of him.

I don't want him to know that I hate to cry alone, at the thought of being a useless parasite leaving under his wings. I don't want him to find out that I'm just a drug addict that makes him look like a fool trying to convince me that he truly loves me. And those negative thoughts would eventually turn into something bigger, something that'd make me walk staggering into the kitchen, to where we kept our knives.

I always promise myself that I need to keep on fighting, but sometimes, feeling enough was never enough. The more I convince myself that I can be happy with him in this full-of-twist life, the more those monsters crawl onto the back of my mind. I hate being whispered that I'm not good enough for him, and anybody else and that I don't deserve the love I've been dreaming of getting. It hurts, it's killing me inside. It feels like its thorns are ripping through my lungs as I try to slide the knife into my arm-

"What the fuck are you trying to do?!"

Jung Jaehyun opens the door as the exhaustion started to dart away from his body. He expected his lover to be greeting him with those lovely eyes, and a bear hug would be nice. But what he found as soon as he reached the kitchen has made his senses almost flying out of his mind.

She dropped the knife just as she heard the panic in his scream, eyes red from the fear of death. Scattered on the floor, there she is, sitting weakly while coming into a realization that she almost broke her own promise, to keep on fighting. "J-jae..."

Jaehyun immediately runs toward the poor woman. He quickly scoops her into his arms, hugging her close to make sure that she feels safe. His eyes stutter in the fear of losing her, worries start to creep into his brain about what if he was a minute late, or so. He sighed in relief in her ears, whispering a string of "Oh my goodness" as an indication of ease that she's still here with him.

He loves her with all his might, but why would she doubt him?

Loving Jung Jaehyun is not easy, as the journey wasn't even close to that yet. The first step is to love me first, to accept who I really am, and to forgive what I had in the past. Syringes and pills slowly disappear from my life, just after I found out that telling him and a professional my every story would help much better.

I learned how to see the future ahead, with the help of a man whom I'm trying to love dearly with all my imperfections. He no longer promises me things like he used to before, though it sounds so much reassuring whenever I hear them, but now his actions directly and clearly tell me that I'll be alright. We'll be just right. And I'm still learning to believe in myself and to believe in him as well.

I love you, Jung Jaehyun. I love myself, too.

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