#I cannot explain why this is my favourite romance

[perplexingly]

They’re red flags to you, fortunately I’m colorblind

[baphometsss]

Solas repeatedly explains that things are not so black and white and the fandom's response to the nature of his relationships with Mythal and Felassan etc are weirdly reminiscent of what he finds frustrating about modern Thedas.

He explains repeatedly that the distinction between spirit and demon is not that black and white, that there's always an element of choice involved. Likewise, he cannot be so easily defined as wisdom or pride. He is a mix of both and will lean into one or the other depending on how he is perceived. Over and over again he tries to make people see that it's our expectations that create the dynamics of our relationships and therefore how we perceive others. If we respect others in the way they would like to be respected, you can come closer to an authentic and equal partnership.

Likewise, he says that he is not defined by his body, a point Trick said came from their own thoughts around their gender and figuring out that they were nonbinary. Solas chose a male body, seemingly because he had to choose one, not necessarily because he felt like a man. In fact he repeatedly explains that he sees himself as a spirit i.e. genderless

The romance or friendship with the Inquisitor is special because it is the first time that he's branching out of his comfort zone of bonding like a spirit bonds (reflecting) and trying to bond like a person does instead (meeting them on their level, sharing his heart with them and being vulnerable). This is why one of my favourite lines from him is 'You are unique. In all Thedas I never expected to find someone who could draw my attention from the Fade. You have become important to me.' This is the first time he has fallen in love, the first time he has actually relished being a person and not a spirit, because he's able to be with Lavellan this way. He can't fall in love as a spirit as spirits don't bond that way, as is repeatedly stated throughout his story. I personally think the relationships he forged before Inquisition were all done using the attachment style of spirits, which is apparently quite abstract, and not as a man, which is more understandable to mortals and us, the player.

What's especially pertinent about this is that says this line right before he's about to abandon his plan to tear down the Veil by telling the Inquisitor the truth, a plan that symbolises his attachment to his spirit-self and the world he inadvertently destroyed. Once he does that, there's no coming back; likewise, once you take a body, you cannot go back. When you fall in love in a way that makes all the parts of you line up perfectly for the first time, you can't go back.

What is so beautiful to me about Solas's love story with Lavellan is that we witness Solas in a chrysalis state between spirithood and personhood, past and present (and future), on the precipice of metamorphosis. At the very moment he's about to take that final leap like The Fool his romance card is based on, he backs out, because of guilt, trauma, grief, duty and the rest.

Even with a befriended Inquisitor, he bonds with them on their level. He doesn't try to elevate them to his level; he comes to theirs. He is the opposite of Pride in their friendship, which is why he respects them. They allow him to be himself.

It's because of this change in nature that I think Solas and Lavellan's love story is so compelling--Solas's world quite literally changes when he falls in love, as he states multiple times, in various ways. I mean, look at the way he needs time to think about a potential relationship with Lavellan. He probably knows that it's a bad idea, but at this point he has no idea how much of a bad idea it is with respect to his plans because he has no idea that it will make him want to give it up. If he had, he never would've entertained the idea of a relationship. His romance card in Veilguard explains that he didn't know what it would mean to fall in love, because he's never actually been in love. He has loved countless friends and companions, like Mythal and Felassan, but he has not fallen for someone like he falls for a romanced Lavellan; Lavellan, who is deified like he was deified, who sees him for who he is (as much as they can) and doesn't shun him or punish him for not doing as he was told like a good lapdog.

Once again there's more of the irony that pervades Solas's story at every turn. It's in falling for a mortal that Solas becomes a more complete person, more of the man he says he is and not the god others have revered him as. That is the deepest change of all and the one that reflects his earlier statements on the delineation between spirit and demon not being so black and white, and involving a level of choice. Solas chooses to be more of a man in a similar way to how Cole chooses to become more human. He knows deep down that he's already in too deep to stop, and this is why, despite knowing he has a job to do and a duty to fulfil, he leaves clues for the Inquisition to follow him. Because he's already gone too far, and now he can't go back, and deep down he wants to be stopped, like Varric said. Solas, as a former spirit, doesn't simply feel love, he embodies it, and so he is helpless to that emotion. Of course he left clues.

Because that is what falling in love meant for Solas. It meant going into that chrysalis state and emerging as a totally new being with an experience that is quite far removed from his spirit self and all the limitations that come with that. Mythal and Felassan etc predate this experience, they're intrinsically tied to his nature as a spirit and then as a manifested spirit. While he loved them, that love was tangled up with a simpler nature, and the love he shares with Lavellan is coming from a totally new place. For that reason, the two can't really be compared.

[taeyongdoyoung]

poison

summary: tasting the king's meals for poison is a great honour to be bestowed on you. but poison is not the only thing you're interested in tasting... paring: king!haechan x maid!reader genre: royalty!au, romance, drama, smut warnings: reader has anxiety, food-tasting, mentions of poison, hierarchical system, rich guy/poor girl trope, shitty ex jaemin (sorry boo 💞), evil uncle trope, threats, mentions of blood, insecurities, crying, pet names, lots of kissing, inexperienced reader, lowkey corruption kink, fingering, handjob, cum-eating, loss of virginity, unprotected sex author's note: the plot is loosely inspired by some historical kdramas and the folk of the air trilogy 🥰 also, there are some references to nct songs in bold bc it's me, duh word count: 4.8k

Your life as a maid in the royal palace is pretty boring. You wake up, you prepare meals in the kitchen, you wash clothes, you clean rooms, you sneak a piece of stale bread if you find any (if you're lucky even some cheese), you go to sleep, repeat. Every day is the same. No drama, no adventure, nothing out of the ordinary. You don't like it but it's all you can do so you can send some money to your poor family.

That is until on one random day you are summoned to the king's chambers immediately, the other maids saying it is of utmost importance. You are panicking. Did you do something wrong? You try to attend to your duties with all the care and attention to detail possible. Will you be scolded or worse, punished, for some mistake you cannot place? You try to calm your rapidly beating heart, as you enter the king's room.

Looking down nervously, you bow deeply, not able to think of anything else to say, rather than mumbling a weak "Your Majesty".

"Relax, I'm not going to kill you," king Haechan says in his signature deep voice.

His words do little to ease your mind and your hands are still shaking.

"I've been told by my most trusted counsellor that I have many enemies and cases of poisoned aristocrats have been increasing. So, after discussing it in great detail, he advised me to look for a food taster. Someone I could count on not to betray me," the king explains.

"With all due respect, Your Majesty, but w-why me?" you ask meekly.

"You know my counsellor Jaemin, don't you? I believe you two were once…intimate. He said you could definitely be trusted. And I trust him with my life, so…"

Your damn ex Jaemin…You can't tell if him recommending you to the king as a potential food taster is a compliment or a curse. After all, you could literally die from poison. But then again, what can you do? You can't exactly disobey the king's direct command. At the end of the day, he bestowed a great honour on you. Anyone else would be jumping with joy. Anyone else but you.

"Your Majesty, I'm not denying you, of course. It's just that…I'm the only source of income for my poor parents. I can't bear to think of them all on their own."

"You have my word. Should anything happen to you…your parents will be well taken care of," the king promises and there is so much compassion and sincerity in his voice, you have no choice but to believe him.

"Very well, then. I'll try all your meals before you," you vow solemnly.

"Splendid," the king claps his hands.

That is how your boring days at the royal palace come to an abrupt end. You try the first couple of meals anxiously and with little appetite. Your stomach hurts from nervousness and not because there is any poison in the food. As time goes by, the food-tasting process becomes second nature to you. Eventually, you convince yourself that the chances of actual poison are low and you begin to enjoy your daily interactions with the king.

"What do we have for lunch today, my sweetest treasure?" the king asks. You like how he addresses you. As if you are genuinely important to him. As if it would pain him if he lost you. It's a kind gesture to distract you from the reality of how replacable you are.

"Your favourite, Your Majesty. Kimchi jjigae," you respond politely.

"Yesss, it's gonna be a great day!" the king squeals happily like a little boy.

It is an unwelcome reminder of how young he actually is. Unwelcome because you cannot imagine how difficult it must be for him. Enemies lurking at every corner, having all this power and responsibilities…and no one to share them with.

After you try the kimchi jjigae and check its safety, the king begins eating excitedly.

"You know that not all poisons kick in immediately, right?" you know it's rude to interrupt him but you cannot help yourself. "There is still a chance that we both get poisoned but the symptoms appear later."

"I know, but…" the king sighs, his mouth still full. Once he finishes chewing, he finishes his sentence. "It's still a precaution. At least Jaemin seems to think so."

You roll your eyes at the mention of your ex.

"Did you not end things on good terms?" the king is curious.

"We just…had lots of differences. Jaemin, being from a higher social class, said that I was just a way to pass the time. That he didn't see any future for us…That he would never marry me."

"Ouch," the king keeps chewing his favourite food. "I mean, it's technically true you belong to different worlds, but he could have said it more nicely."

"Do you trust his judgement? I'm not talking about relationships. Just…on the topic of poisons and stuff," you need to know.

"I suppose. We've known each other for so long, it'd be silly not to trust him."

"May I make a suggestion?" you inquire. "I know I'm not as qualified as Jaemin, but it's still worth taking other people's opinions into consideration."

"Sure," the king shrugs. "What did you have in mind?"

"If there are so many cases of aristocrats being poisoned, why don't you try taking a little poison each day to build an immunity? I've heard this method is quite common in other kingdoms."

"Where did you learn that?" the king asks you suspiciously.

"I read it in a book somewhere."

"You can read? No offense."

"None taken. When I'm done with my maid duties, I sneak into the royal library sometimes. Don't tell the king," you joke.

"Your secret's safe with me," the king laughs.

Time passes in the same old way. Cleaning, cooking and food-tasting. Repeat. One evening, the king summons you again.

You are about to take a bite from the food before him when he unexpectedly grabs your wrist and stops you.

"I don't want you to do that anymore," he murmurs.

"What?"

"I've started taking a little poison each day to build an immunity, like you advised me to. So far, I've been doing alright. And…I just think it's unfair, alright? What if you actually die?" the king whispers, as if the thought is so unbearable to him he can't even say it. "I can't lose you. I…trust you too much."

He trusts you? The thought is so bizarre in a flattering way your heart hurts upon hearing his sincerity.

"Are you planning to find another food-taster, then?" the very question is painful to you. Despite the potential danger, you don't want to be replaced. You want to keep being his person.

The king shakes his head.

"No life is worth more than mine. I'm not doing that outdated thing anymore."

"Of course, your life is worth the most! You are the king!" you exclaim passionately, pulling the food towards you.

"You think I don't know that?" he whisper-shouts, taking the food once again. "You think I don't wake up each morning wishing things were different?"

What…what is he on about? Why would he wish he wasn't the king?

"I'm not sure I follow," you say quietly.

"It's fine. I don't understand myself. Just…don't tell anyone, okay? Not even Jaemin. Let everyone believe you're still tasting my food and come at the allotted times as usual."

The not even Jaemin part shocks you. Does he no longer trust him as he once did? What is going on?!

"As you wish, Your Majesty," you respond, not even thinking of disobeying him. As confusing as everything is, you need him to trust you. More than you've needed anything else in your life.

"Oh and…one more thing. You should call me Haechan. When we're alone, that is."

"Uhm, okay. Haechan?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" he tilts his head cutely.

"Nothing, just trying it out," you chuckle.

Haechan laughs warmly and starts eating calmly.

"I can't tell if you're brave or reckless," you tease him.

"Perhaps both," he shrugs.

One Monday, your worst fear comes true. As you are preparing Haechan's meal, you are faced with his uncle. You've never been a fan of him for some unknown reason, but now you know your suspicions were completely justified.

"Give me the meal," he orders and you are so terrified, you do as he asks.

He pulls a vial out of his pocket and pours it on top of the food nonchalantly, mixing it well with a spoon, so that it doesn't show.

"Say a word to the king and you parents are dead," he threatens.

"What do you know about my parents?" you ask boldly. Foolishly, even.

After Haechan's uncle says the names of your parents and the exact location of their home, you realize he isn't bluffing. What are you going to do?

As you enter Haechan's chambers, you realize you can't do it.

"Ooh, this looks delicious," Haechan is about to put the food into his mouth when you rudely push the spoon away from him, spilling the food all over the ground.

"It's super cold and totally unappetizing," you exclaim the first thing that comes to mind.

Haechan eyes you weirdly but doesn't scold you.

"Have this, instead," you pull a sweet pastry from your pocket, knowing it's safe.

Haechan shrugs, not caring about what he's given.

"So yummy," he smiles happily, not suspecting a thing.

If you tell him, your parents are dead. If you don't, he's dead. Sooner or later.

When his evil uncle questions you later, you lie through your teeth that the king wasn't hungry and tossed the food away in an angry fit. Miraculously, his uncle believes that.

Similar things happen throughout the week. On Tuesday, you eat the food meant for Haechan yourself, hoping that the self-poisoning you've been doing in secret with the help of your apothecary friend Renjun will be plenty of protection and that you'll survive this extra dose of poison. On Wednesday, you explain to Haechan that the food was made with old ingredients and give him a piece of bread and some cheese you've set aside. On Thursday, you once again make a mess and spill the meal, pretending it was a clumsy accident. On Friday, you tell Haechan that you saw a cockroach in the food. Very far-fetched but it somehow works?! On Saturday, you go as far as lying to Haechan that you were so hungry you ate his food in the corridor.

Not once does he question you or get angry. His evil uncle, however, is becoming more and more agitated.

On Sunday, the uncle has had enough of your failed attempts to poison the king. And he shows you something that makes your blood run cold.

Two chopped-off fingers that he claims belong to your parents.

"If you fail again, it'll be their entire hands next time. And then, their heads. Choose wisely," he threatens cruelly.

You seem to be at an impasse.

As you are once more left alone with Haechan, you debate what to do. You are running out of ideas. Haechan's spoon is approaching his mouth eagerly. After all, he's been eating nothing but bread and random snacks all week. Your mind goes blank. If he eats that, he'll surely die. If he doesn't, your parents might die. It's an impossible situation. But you are greedy. Greedy to save both his life and your parents'.

"Stop," you cry out.

Haechan's hand freezes mid-air. It's now or never.

"I have betrayed you, Your Majesty, please kill me," you drop to your knees desperately.

"I told you to call me Haechan," he rolls his eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Your uncle has been trying to kill you," you blurt out. "He's been putting poison in your meals for the past week. I kept trying to come up with ridiculous reasons to prevent you from eating it but…he's been threatening my parents. Today he showed me two chopped-off fingers and said the next time I fail to poison you, it'll be their hands and the final time, their heads, but…I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" Haechan asks you to clarify.

"I can't poison you," you admit, eyes filled with tears. Even though your parents' lives are in grave danger, losing Haechan would hurt just as much.

"Could have just said that from the beginning instead of feeding me bread for a week," Haechan teases.

"You believe me?" you inquire nervously. Only now does the gravity of the situation strike you. What if he'd chosen to side with his uncle and executed you for treason?

"Jaemin's been warning me about my uncle plotting against me for a while now. I thought it was just his paranoia, but…I'm inclined to believe you and Jaemin."

"Over your own flesh and blood?" you are pleasantly surprised.

"Blood doesn't necessarily make you family," Haechan shrugs. "Okay, here's the plan. We'll sneak out of the palace and go find your parents. We'll make sure they go somewhere my uncle won't be able to find them."

You nod numbly, amazed at how quick he's thinking and finding a way out of this situation.

"Then, we'll return to the palace and make my uncle regret ever trying to mess with us."

"Us?" you repeat.

"Yeah, us," Haechan confirms. "We're in this together, no?"

"Hell yeah!" you reply, infected by his enthusiasm to find a solution.

Once you dress up with cloaks and daggers, Haechan leads you through a secret tunnel hidden behind the royal library that takes you both out of the palace.

"Don't tell anyone about this," Haechan whispers in your ear, his hand on your lower back, making you gasp for air.

"Who am I gonna tell? The king?" you joke to distract him from how affected you are by his gentle touch.

"Yeah, he should never know about this," Haechan chuckles in the dark and kisses you on the lips, taking you by surprise. You…he…what?!

You wrap your arms around his neck, desperate for the way he grounds you and makes you believe it will all be alright, you'll find a way out of this mess. Together.

He is the one to initiate the kiss but sadly, he is also the one to end it as abruptly as it started.

"As much as I'm enjoying the taste of your lips, we have to get to your parents and make sure they're okay."

"Right, right," you agree. He's more concerned about your parents than you, which speaks volumes about his noble character.

You resist the urge to swoon and try to focus on the task at hand.

Once you get to your parents' place, you are happily amazed to find all their fingers intact! That bastard was bluffing!~But the question remains…whose fingers were that?!

"You'll have to go to another town," you explain impatiently. "Haechan has some trusted friends who'll take you in."

"H-haechan?" your mom repeats in shock upon hearing you call the king by his first name.

"Uhh," you look to Haechan nervously for a way to explain. You know he told you to only call him that when it's the two of you but it just slipped so naturally…

"It's okay," he reassures you. "Your daughter has saved my life on multiple occasions. Making sure you two are fine is the least I could do."

"You are too kind, Your Majesty," your dad is even more stunned by Haechan's gentle demeanour.

"Just returning the favour. Your daughter's irreplaceable."

Oh. You wonder if he truly believes that or is simply trying to ease your parents' worries.

Soon enough, you parents are travelling to Haechan's friends and you and the king are riding back to the palace.

Immediately, he summons a court meeting and gives the order for his uncle to be brought to justice in front of all the aristocrats. His uncle is struggling to escape the guards' arms and screaming treason. But Jaemin's and your account of the uncle's actions are enough to convince the people of the truth. Eventually, other aristocrats start speaking up of suspicious things Haechan's uncle has done or said like threatening them or their family in an attempt to take the throne. In no time, the uncle is imprisoned.

"You should have just killed him," Jaemin tells Haechan quietly. "He would have done the same to you."

"I do things differently," Haechan replies. "If you were king, you'd understand."

Jaemin shrugs.

"Lucky for me, I'll never know what that's like."

Haechan rolls his eyes, trusting that his friend has no such ambitions and is happy with his life as a counsellor.

Even with the threat of Haechan's uncle behind bars, he still continues to take little doses of poison to build an immunity. You don't tell him but you do the same, carrying on with food-tasting his meals before him. You value your life, sure. But you value his more.

One random Tuesday, Haechan summons you to his chambers. But the hour does not indicate food-bringing activities. Just like the first time, you are overwhelmed by a strange sense of anxiety. Even though you've known him for so long and have been through so much together, it still unnerves you, being alone with him. You don't know if things would be different if he weren't king. Perhaps not. There is just something about Haechan that makes your knees tremble in the best way possible.

"You've asked to see me, Your Majesty?" you mumble.

"When will you get rid of that annoying habit? It's just me…Haechan," he reminds you needlessly.

"I know, but you're still the king."

"That sounds so detached," Haechan groans. "But I'm hoping what I have to say will convince you to only call my name. Not just when we're alone."

"What are you saying?" you're beyond confused.

"Marry me. Become the queen of my kingdom," he pleads, taking your hand in his.

"But…you can't," you whisper in shock, reminded of how adamant Jaemin was. And if the distance between your place in society and Jaemin's was big…then, the distance between your and Haechan's worlds seems far more insurmountable.

"I can," Haechan looks more determined than anything to do this.

"People will talk…They won't be happy."

"Fuck people," Haechan scoffs. "Will you have me or not?"

"Of course, I will, Haechan," you cry out. "You've shown me more kindness and understanding than anyone in my life."

"You do know I'll give you anything you desire?" Haechan speaks softly. "As long as you're by my side, as you have been so far."

"You do know I don't want anything, right? Even if you weren't king, I'd choose you in any universe."

"Are you serious?" Haechan smiles in disbelief, the idea so foreign to him.

"Of course I am," you insist. "Even if you were a poor bard singing in taverns."

"Hm. I do love singing," Haechan smirks and kisses you.

And gods, his lips are sweeter than any meal you've tasted and every poison you've consumed. You could never get enough.

Your wedding day finally arrives. Shockingly, people are more accepting of your union than you anticipated, because they take your food-taster position in consideration and how valiantly you exposed Haechan's evil uncle. Your parents, as well, are happy to see you and Haechan together.

However, there is one person who is against.

"Is that why you broke up with me? Aiming high, I see," Jaemin snickers rudely once you are out of Haechan's sight for a brief moment at the wedding afterparty.

"I broke up with you because you said I was just a way to pass the time and you see no future for us. If you think I'm with Haechan because of his crown, you're even more foolish than I thought," you scoff.

"Oh, really?" Jaemin raises his eyebrows. "So, you're saying if Haechan lost his title as king, you'd still be with him?"

"Yes, I would. But the fact you're even talking about that can be considered treason by some."

"You know I'm loyal to Haechan. But do you honestly think you're good enough for him? You could never satisfy him. He'll grow tired of you, you'll see. You're so fucking…cold," Jaemin hisses.

His words sting more than when he implied you were with Haechan because of his power. It is true that you are not experienced. Even though you were with Jaemin for a while, you two never…went all the way. You were perhaps far too romantic but you wanted to save it for your wedding night.

"Well, lucky for you, you'll never get to feel how warm I can be," you say with a self-assured smile. "Now, piss off and let me enjoy my wedding."

Jaemin rolls his eyes and seemingly has nothing else to say, leaving you alone.

Why did he have to say all that stuff? You know it's not entirely true, but it still sucks. Jaemin was the one who ended what you two had with his cruel words. It's just that you were the only one brave enough to finally call it quits. And you're glad you did. He may be bitter now but he'll eventually find someone better suited for his character. As for you…you were perfectly happy with Haechan. And you wouldn't let Jaemin ruin your special day.

Eventually, the guests started leaving one by one and it was time for your wedding night. To say you are nervous would be an understatement. Your hands are shaking more badly than the first time you were summoned to Haechan's chambers. You are aware that he's a good person who will treat you right…but he's still your king and that fact is intimidating enough to make you tremble with anticipation.

"Good evening, my lovely wife," Haechan enters your (gods, this is insane) now shared room.

Your mind completely blanks and you have no idea what to say. So, you just start crying.

Haechan immediately rushes to you, embracing you and kneeling next to you.

"What's wrong? What did I do?"

"N-nothing," you manage. "It's not your f-fault."

"What is it?" he asks again. "Did Jaemin say anything?"

"How did you know?" you blink furiously to clear your vision from the tears.

"He's not over you yet, is he? It's obvious from the way he looks at you. And me. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's still as objective as he can be when giving me advice, but…he sometimes stares at me as if I stole his dinner. Not that you're dinner. You're obviously much more important than that and uh…I really should stop talking, shouldn't I?"

You laugh, pleasantly distracted by his ramblings.

"You're good. And he did say some stuff implying I was a gold digger, but…frankly, I don't care about his opinion."

"I'm gonna kill him," Haechan gets up but you are quick enough to grab his wrist.

"No, please, stay. Let him think what he wishes. I only care about your opinion of me."

"Darling, I am perfectly confident you did not marry me because of my title."

"I know. I'm not talking about that. I mean…I'm just nervous I won't be able to please you. I've never done this before," you explain nervously.

"You and Jaemin never…?" Haechan waves his hand in the air meaningfully.

"I wanted to wait till my wedding night. So, um, here we are, I guess."

"Oh, my angel," Haechan places a hand on your cheek. "You don't have to worry about that. Just, relax, and let me take care of you."

"No, no. Teach me. I'll do anything you say, just…guide me, please?" you plead him, looking up at him, your eyes still moist with tears.

"Okay," Haechan agrees easily. "Take off your clothes."

You gulp anxiously and start unbuttoning your wedding dress. Why is it so hard? Why are there so many freaking buttons?

"Gods, you're trembling," Haechan points out the obvious and his impatience takes over. He removes your hands from your dress and finishes the remaining buttons himself. You are grateful for his help, but you still feel like a total failure for not being able to complete one simple task.

"I'm s-sorry," you pout.

"Don't apologize," Haechan shakes his head. "Can I touch you?"

You nod and he caresses you with his pretty fingers. It feels so sticky and weird but…weird good. Definitely good.

"You're so cute, you know that?"

"N-no, stop," you disagree, chuckling.

"Stop what? Stop doing this?" Haechan teases you but continues his motions, because he sees how much you're enjoying it.

"Stop calling me cute," you elaborate.

"You're so not cute," Haechan obliges jokingly. "That was a lie, by the way."

You laugh again, not just because of his words, but because the things he's doing with his hands make you feel so amazing you can't hold it in.

"You like that, my pretty wife? You like being touched by your husband?" Haechan talks you through it.

"Yes! So much! You have no idea!" you scream as you fall apart under him.

"I think I do," he smirks proudly and lets you ride it out. Then, he takes his fingers out…and licks them clean. Your eyes widen in shock. You've never imagined such a sight possible. The king of the country just did…THAT to you. And against all reason, you're still breathing.

"Show me how to do this to you," you beg, wanting to make him feel as good as you.

"It won't be the same," Haechan giggles. "But I'll give the best of me."

He takes off his clothes hurriedly, extremely excited to teach you everything he knows. You are amazed to see him in his full glory. His golden skin radiates in the dimlit room.

"You look incredible," you gasp.

Haechan tilts his head to the side, his cheeks turning red.

"May I touch you?" you ask reverently, still in awe of his sun-like beauty.

"We're married. Of course you can," Haechan reminds you sweetly and guides your hand, showing you all the way he likes to be touched, telling you what feels good and what doesn't (though everything you do feels good for him but he won't tell you just yet).

You do your best to follow his instructions and soon enough become bold enough to start experimenting yourself. He is enjoying it judging by the expressions on his heavenly pretty face.

"You're so hard. Isn't it uncomfortable?" you inquire, genuinely curious.

"It kinda is. But it's also a good thing. It means I'm really into you."

"The way when you touch me and I'm drippin' and it's kinda strange but also feels nice?" you try to explain the logic in your own terms.

"Exactly that way. You're a quick study," Haechan praises you.

"I just have a very good teacher," you compliment him in return and kiss him deeply, your hand still stroking him.

Soon enough, his release comes and you marvel at how much of it there is. You gather some of it with your finger and lick it, just like he had done with you.

"Fuck. You don't have to do that," Haechan moans.

"But you did it? Isn't it okay?" you blink innocently.

"It's not that it isn't okay. Just saying, you don't have to. I bet it tastes weird."

"No, it's not weird," you shake your head adamantly. "I mean, it's you, so I think it tastes sweet."

"Better than poison?" Haechan teases.

"Definitely better," you agree without thinking.

"I know you've been tasting my meals even when I told you to stop," Haechan blurts out all of a sudden.

"You knew?" you whisper in shock.

"I felt so bad but I didn't mention it because I knew no matter what I said, you'd keep doing it."

"You thought correctly," you sigh. "But you don't have to feel bad. I'm also taking little doses of poison each day, so I'll be fine. We'll both be fine, I'll make sure of it."

Haechan kisses you again, gripping your hair firmly, but gently at the same time.

"Remind me again what did I do to deserve you?"

"Did the Sun ever do anything but shine to make the Earth revolve around it?" you smile fondly.

"You're saying I'm your Sun?" Haechan presses his forehead against yours.

"Provided I'm your Earth," you respond.

"Well, did you know the fate of the Earth is to be consumed by the Sun?" Haechan informs you with a sweet voice but sombre expression.

"Consume me, then," you gladly consent and he slides inside of you all too smoothly.

Earth and Sun, moving together as one. Two entirely different worlds and yet…you belong with each other.

"You're too sweet for me," you murmur, chasing his lips once more.

"You've had too much poison your taste buds are off," Haechan jests.

"Maybe so," you grin. "I should probably drink more of you as an antidote."

"I'm counting on it, my beloved wife."

The End

[fizzyapplecandy]

Ateez as Romance Tropes

The one where you fall in love for real

Other members

Genres and warnings: fluff, best friends to lovers, fake relationship, wedding guests, mature language, some angst, suggestive content, happy ending

Word count: 4.9k

When you tell a lie to save yourself from the judgement of your family, you need Yunho to play the part of the perfect boyfriend. For some reason, he does it so effortlessly you wonder if there is something more underneath.

"I did a thing."

"I'll go find a shovel, but tell me who it is? It's your ex, right?"

Your mouth dropped, going over to punch your best friend in the guts.

"You idiot! Why would that be your first thought?"

Yunho laughed, rubbing at his stomach.

"Because you really hate the dude? Come on, lighten up."

"I can't, I really can't."

You sighed, throwing yourself on the couch and pushing your head into a pillow. Yunho ran over to you, kneeling down and placing his hand on top of your head.

"Hey, honey, what's going on? You only get this depressed when they don't have your favourite cookies in the store. And... What did you do?"

There was no easy way to explain your poor decision making to him, but you knew he'd understand. He may not like it much, but he'd follow along. Or at least you hoped he would. Sighing again, you turned your head to look at him.

"You know how my cousin is getting married in two weeks?"

He nodded. "Yeah, the one you don't like, but your parents do. Why?"

"Well... She made fun of me when I went to dinner with her and our families. She said how I'm going to be single forever, and I don't have a date for the wedding."

You paused, not able to look Yunho in the eyes. He urged you to continue.

"So? Come on, Y/N, spill it."

"I told them you were my boyfriend and I'm bringing you as a plus one."

After rushing the sentence out, you smashed your face into the cushion again, not wanting to see his face. His chuckle made you lift your head again.

"Is that it? Oh, honey, that's cute. We're going to a wedding!"

You shot up, scaring him slightly.

"Cute? Do you know what I've done? My mother won't leave us alone, my cousin as well, because they don't believe me! I had to convince them for half an hour before they stopped laughing straight at my face. They'll make us... I don't know, do couple shit."

"Okay, breathe! Slow down, chill out and just breathe."

You rubbed your eyes, trying to keep the tears at bay. Yunho took this all way too lightly that he was supposed to, but that was his nature. He was always the casual one in your friendship.

The friendship that you two built over the years, going strong after so many ups and downs in college to adulthood. At twenty six, you were sharing an apartment and trying to tackle everyday obstacles. You wouldn't do this with just anyone.

"Why are you not mad? You know how my family is, and you know they'll be annoying us the whole time. We'll have to be all lovey dovey."

He smiled, plopping down on the couch and throwing an arm around you. You naturally gravitated into his embrace, letting him run his fingers through your hair.

"Why would I be mad? I love you, and I'd do anything for you. Nothing will change after one or two days pretending to be your boyfriend. You're still my Y/N, my best friend, right?"

You turned your head to look into his eyes, a bit confused by his expression. Yunho was always the fun one, the free spirited one, but why did he look so serious now? It almost felt like he was hiding something, but you didn't want to make this situation even more complicated.

"I love you too, Yun. Thank you, you're a lifesaver."

Ah, there it was, the face of your goofy friend. His grin was wider than ever, and before you knew it, his arms were strongly wrapped around you in a soul crushing hug.

"You love me? My, my honey, I haven't heard you say that since I got you two boxes of those cookies you like and couldn't find for a whole week!"

"Oh, shut up."

.

.

"You cannot wear that, absolutely not."

"But Y/N it's-"

"Bright green and ugly! Stop messing around, we have a family to impress - my family."

Yunho pouted, taking off the vomit coloured blazer and reaching into his closet for something else.

"I don't know why you're so obsessed with what I'm wearing to that shit show."

You sighed, feeling guilty about antagonizing your best friend when he was blindsided with your poor attempt at salvaging yourself.

"Look, all I'm trying to do is save us from any heavy judgement, you know how my mother gets. Lisa is even worse."

At the mention of your cousin's name, he shivered, making a sour face.

"Okay, okay. I'll look for something normal."

Yunho rummaged through his closet some more, before gasping excitedly.

"This is it! My 'boyfriend' armour! Yeah!"

"Whatever do you mean?" You questioned, already afraid it might be something ridiculous. But you were stopped in your tracks when he pulled out a sleek black suit. The one he wore on your graduation day.

Or as you remember it - The day you officially fell in love with Jeong Yunho.

"It's perfect, isn't it? You can't say no because you already complimented me when I wore it, if you weren't lying."

Even if you hated it, you couldn't say no to that happy expression of his. You just nodded, a lump forming in your throat.

"Y-Yeah, I think that will do."

"Oh, by the way, what are you wearing?"

You were quickly snapped back to reality with his question.

"Don't. Just don't ask me that. I'm a bridesmaid, per my cousin's request. The dress she chose... I'd rather not look at it until I really have to."

He winced.

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse."

"Okay, but knowing you, you'll manage to pull it off. You're just..." He stopped, suddenly averting his eyes from you.

"What? I'm just, what?" You urged him to continue, but he turned away to place the suit back into his wardrobe.

"You're just that beautiful."

For a moment, the world stopped. Yunho has always been the more affectionate one in your friendship, but you've never heard him sound so sincere. Without a word, you stood up from his bed and went over to where he was standing. He still hasn't turned around, rummaging mindlessly through the closet. You put your hand on his shoulder, standing on your tip toes to place a gentle kiss on his cheek. Instantly, his ears turned bright red, and he looked at you with wide eyes. You only smiled in return.

"Thank you, Yunho."

He shrugged, trying to brush you off like it wasn't a big deal.

"Yeah, yeah... So, what's for dinner tonight?"

.

.

"Y/N, dear! What on earth are you wearing?"

"We've been travelling for three hours mom, I just wanted to be comfortable."

Your mother made a disappointed face, and you could feel the judgement oozing out of her. Suddenly, her whole face lit up.

"Oh! Yunho! What a surprise!"

Yunho, ever the polite gentleman, offered your mother a handshake before placing his arm so casually over your shoulders.

"Hello. Sorry we're a bit late, traffic was terrible."

She waved him off. "Don't be silly, you're right on time! The rehearsal dinner doesn't start for another two hours, Y/N will have enough time to be presentable. I'm quite surprised by the sudden turn of events, I must say."

You sighed. "What do you mean?"

She gestured between the two of you.

"Well, this. The relationship. I thought you were just friends? You've known each other, what, over five years?"

Oh. Maybe you hadn't really thought everything through, like explaining how you got into this supposed relationship. Luckily, Yunho's brain always worked overtime, and he was quick to answer.

"Well, it took a lot of courage for me to confess my true feelings to Y/N. But I did it. This girl here... I'm a lucky guy. I still can't believe she's finally mine."

Your head snapped towards him, surprised by how casually he came up with an explanation. One you almost believed as well. It seemed like your mother bought it without trouble.

"Isn't that wonderful! Maybe you'll finally be able to tame that little firecracker. Please, go unpack your bags in the guestroom, and try to be ready on time Y/N."

"Yes, mother."

Anxious to run away from your judgmental family, you took Yunho by the hand and led him towards the guest bedroom on the third floor of your house. The only good thing about the situation was the fact that you had the whole floor to yourselves. You don't want to hear your mother's shrill voice first thing in the morning.

"Your mom's as fun as I remember her."

"Shut up. She couldn't wait to criticize me. I'm so glad I'm not alone in this."

Yunho closed the door behind you, throwing himself on the queen sized bed. The only bed in the room.

"Oh God, how are we going to sleep? We can't be in two rooms, they'll immediately figure us out."

"Don't be dramatic, the bed is big enough for both of us. You won't even feel me beside you."

You watched as he rolled around the mattress, almost purring like a cat.

"How are you this calm about... All of this? And what was that before with the speech? You really gave your everything."

He froze, leaning up on his elbows, but you could tell he was a bit more apprehensive now.

"I had to be convincing, don't read too much into it."

"Right..."

Silence overcame you, so you decided to unpack your things to keep yourself busy.

"Do we really need to go to that dinner?"

You sighed, feeling sorry about putting him through the whole ordeal.

"We do. It's the big rehearsal before the wedding, and I'm a bridesmaid. Although, I don't know why Lisa chose me in the first place. We've never been particularly close."

"Maybe she had a change of heart?"

You chuckled, glancing at him, seeing he was now in his stomach staring at you.

"Yeah, no. That evil spawn has had it put for me since we were kids. Do you know she chopped off my hair when we were seven? I had to get a bob. A bob! I looked like a sauce pan. Don't laugh!"

You threw a shirt at his head, but his laughing only got louder.

"Cut it out!"

Before you knew it, you were headed towards him, trying to silence him. Yunho grabbed your hands, and you toppled over him. In a mess of limbs, you somehow landed on top of him.

His laughing was cut off sharply, the grip he had on you tightening slightly. Your eyes met, and you were confused by the way he was gazing up at you.

Almost as if... No, no way. Yunho was your friend, and this was an awkward situation.

"Yunho?"

"Yeah?"

"I have to get up now."

"Oh!"

He let go of you, trying to sit up himself. You were now next to him, staring off in front of you. No words were said by either, so you slowly got up and continued rummaging through your things.

"I'm.. I'm gonna go take a shower and get ready. You... I don't know, do something. We need to be there in less than two hours, so don't fall asleep."

He nodded, avoiding your gaze.

"Got it. No sleeping. Off you go."

Leaving him be, you rushed out of the room and into the bathroom, all of your clothes in hand. You'd rather eat mud than have to walk into the room in just a towel. No way.

It took you an hour to get ready completely, and by the time you re-entered, Yunho was fast asleep.

"Silly boy."

You reached over to pat him on the back since he was sleeping on his stomach.

"Yunho? What did I tell you about falling asleep?"

The tall man jolted up, eyes still closed.

"I'm awake! I was just resting my eyelids. Yes, just resting."

"Well you have under an hour to get ready so I'd suggest you hurry it up."

He saluted you, eyes shut, and saluted you.

It took him a minute, but once he finally came to, he let out a gasp. His eyes were wide as you turned to look at him, mouth open.

"You... Wow."

This was the second time you found yourself questioning Yunho's expressions aimed at you. His eyes, usually full of joy, had a different glint in them.

"Oh? This? It's just an old dress I've never bothered to wear before."

"I can see why. You can kill a man with your looks honey. It's dangerous."

The blush on your cheeks was instantaneous.

"Stop that. What's going on with you?"

He laughed, grabbing his things to head out and get ready.

"I'm only speaking the truth. I think your cousin won't be happy when you outshine her tonight."

Yunho didn't give you a chance to reply because he was out the door in a second. You chuckled, going over to the floor length mirror in the corner of the room.

Your reflection was never something you appreciated enough, but Yunho always managed to make you feel special. Right now, you were gazing at yourself with another set of eyes, a set you were so familiar with. His words made you fall in love with the way you looked tonight. He just had that kind of charm.

You lounged around and waited for Yunho to get ready, your nerves starting to get the best of you, again. The door opened, and in came your best friend, dressed to the nines. Yunho somehow pulled off the checkered blazer and causal jeans combo like he got straight off the runway.

"What do you think? Too plain, or too weird? I really can't be bothered to wear slacks tonight."

Your heels made you a couple inches taller, but he still towered over you as you stood in front of him. No words were said from your end, and you grabbed the lapels of his jacket to straighten them out.

"It's crazy, you know?" You whisper.

"What?" Yunho looked confused, trying to decipher what you meant.

"How handsome you are, but you don't even realize it. You just make it all look so... Easy. So casual."

His eyes softened, placing his large palms over your shaking hands. The touch grounded you, making you aware of how close you were. If you just stood on your tip toes, if he just bent down a bit more...

"Y/N! I told you to get ready on time, we're going to be late!"

Your mother's shrill voice pulled both of you out of the trance you were in, separating like you were caught doing something naughty.

"Let's go. I can't stand her nagging me the whole night about not being on time."

He only nodded, following after you like a lost puppy.

"Oh just look at you two! Yunho, I'm impressed! You could pass as a model. How did my daughter get herself such a handsome man?"

Of course she would try to put you down in any way she could. You were about to burst, but Yunho beat you to it.

"I'd have to disagree with you. I think I'm the lucky man who got to have this beauty by his side. I'm still wondering how I managed to do that."

Your mother looked taken aback, not used to people taking your side. She quickly pulled herself together, and a smile appeared on her face.

"Well then... Both of you can consider yourselves lucky. Come on now, let's get going."

You just mouthed a silent thank you in his direction, and he winked before taking your hand in his and walking out of the house.

It wasn't a weird gesture, you two always held hands, but your brain was too jumbled to notice the tingly feeling you got in the moment.

"I think you should take up acting, you know?"

Yunho chuckled, buckling up and starting the car.

"And why is that?"

"Come on, my mother is smitten by you. I'm sure the rest of my family will be, too. You just saved my sorry ass from explaining why I've been single for so long."

He was silent for a while, and you thought you might have said something wrong, but then he reached over to take your hand again.

"You know, it's not all acting."

"What do you mean?"

"The things I say about you... I really mean them. You're special, Y/N, and I'm angry when I hear other people brushing you off."

"Yunho..."

You squeezed his palm tighter, not believing how you managed to get yourself a man like him. The little crush you had only grew bigger every time he opened his mouth in the past week. Something was up, but you didn't want to get your hopes up too much. This was still your best friend, doing you a major favour.

"I'm just being honest. This isn't as difficult as you made it out to be. I'm just being myself, and everything I say is completely truthful."

He glanced at you briefly, giving you one of his smiles that made your knees weak.

"You're going to make a girl so lucky one day, I'm actually jealous."

You said it fleetingly, trying to sound casual.

"Oh..."

"But not like that! No, hey. You're my man. I mean, not mine, but you know? My best man! My friend! Yeah..."

Taking a deep breath, you close your eyes to stop rambling. Yunho chuckled, raising your intertwined hands and placing a light kiss on yours. You froze, looking over at him. His eyes were on the road, but his ears were now bright red.

"You're my woman, too. Best one."

The rest of the ride was mainly silent, both of you blushing like crazy after the confessions. The restaurant your cousin chose for the rehearsal soon came into view, and you took a deep breath to prepare yourself.

Yunho parked the car before getting out and walking over to open your door. You just smiled, used to it by now. Ever since you became friends, you haven't opened a single door by yourself.

You said hi to a few people out front before entering the restaurant. From your left, someone shrieked.

"There you are! You're late! We have to start, come on, move it!"

"Hi Lisa, good to see you too."

Your cousin Lisa was in a short white dress, heels higher than you ever dared to wear, but she looked like she was about to have a break down.

"No time for that! Is this your boyfriend? He seems strong, he can help the others to rearrange the tables. Let's go."

You glanced at Yunho, ready to apologise, but he only shook his head and went over to the group of men in the corner.

"You got yourself a hotte Y/N. Who would have thought? Honestly, is it the sex? You must be good at it if he's still around."

"You're as classy as ever."

Lisa scoffed, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you over to the buffet.

"I'm just curious. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure you have your qualities, but him? How did you manage to snag that?"

Honestly, sometimes you wondered how you did that as well. Yunho was charismatic, friendly, and not to mention drop dead gorgeous. You were... You. That's why you made peace with the fact that he would always be your friend, nothing more.

"I'd rather not talk about my relationship right now. It's your day, isn't it?"

Your cousin smiled, nodding immediately.

"You're right! We'll talk about it some other time. Now, I don't like how they placed the flowers, so do something about it."

"You know this is just a rehearsal, right?"

Lisa gave you a look, making you cower slightly.

"It has to be perfect. Now, do as I say."

She turned around and stalked off to yell at someone else, and you sighed in relief. Glancing over, you saw the men in your family talking to Yunho. They seemed to be having a good time, regardless of the fact that they had to move ten tables around. He just had that kind of charm, you thought.

As if sensing your gaze, he turned around and winked. You smiled, knowing this whole event would be slightly more bearable with him by your side. With another sigh, you made your hands busy with the roses and carnations in front of you.

.

.

"And she had the audacity to mention my failed science project! I know I may have ruined our kitchen table, but I was proud of that volcano, you know?"

"What a jerk!"

"And then, she said how she couldn't believe I had a boyfriend because I was "too plain". Plain? Is she serious?"

"Y/N, I was there, I heard her."

You huffed, crossing your arms and leaning into the passenger's seat. The rehearsal was over, and you couldn't wait to get home. Yunho was the main attraction, and everybody loved him. You knew it would be like that, but you hoped your cousins would leave you alone for once.

Instead, she threw jabbs at you throughout the whole dinner, but you ignored her for the sake of your peace and sanity.

"Honey, whatever she said, and she talked a lot, wasn't true. Sure, you may be clumsy and sometimes awkward, but that's you. I love the way you are, and I'd never change your personality."

You glanced at Yunho, surprised by his sudden confession.

"You really mean that?"

"I really do."

You reached your home, noticing your parents' car wasn't there. Your mother mentioned going over to Lisa's house to sleep there before the big day so that she could be available for her at any second.

For some reason, you felt a bit sad. Yunho noticed how your mood changed, but he didn't want to make it worse by questioning you, so he just followed you to the shared room.

You took off your heels, sitting on the bed and holding back your tears.

"Hey, are you okay? I know tonight was crazy, but you seem so... Devastated."

He knelt on the floor in front of you, grabbing both of your hands. With him looking at you with those big eyes, full of concern, you broke down.

"I just can't take it anymore."

The first tear fell, but the second couldn't follow because Yunho instantly reached for your cheeks to wipe them away.

"Oh honey... Don't waste your tears on them. I know you love your family, you're just that kind of person, but I can't stand the way they treat you."

"It didn't bother me before, you know? But my mom never talked about how she couldn't wait to see me get married, it was always about Lisa. Am I that bad? Is it so impossible to imagine me in a wedding dress?"

Yunho stood up, crowding you in his embrace. He gently lifted your legs to place you into his lap, squeezing you to his chest.

"You want to know something?" He whispered.

"What?"

"I always think about how you would look in a wedding dress."

Your head snapped up to look at him, and his eyes were already on yours.

"You?"

He nodded, placing his forehead on yours. His gaze was now darker, and you noticed how his hands trembled while holding you.

"Me. You know what else? The person you are walking towards is always me. Standing there at the end of the altar, waiting patiently for you to come."

"Yunho... What are you..."

His hands cupped your cheeks again, face so close you could count his eyelashes.

"Those people... They don't know how much you are worth. You're the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on. You're funny, so smart and witty it's not even real. You..."

His lips, the ones you've been dreaming about for a while now, were a breath away from yours. He hesitated, trying to decipher your emotions. You didn't want to let him get too into his head, so you grabbed the lapels of his jacket and pulled him in.

Your lips smashed together, and Yunho finally let go.

The kiss was different from any other you've ever had. After all, it was Yunho kissing you instead of someone random. Yunho, the man who stood by you through thick and thin.

Yunho, the person you turned to when your bad thoughts took over.

Yunho, messy, lovable Yunho, who talked about you like you were his lifeline.

Your lips danced together, his hands squeezing your cheeks as if you would disappear at any moment. Yours were placed on his sturdy chest. The chest you loved cuddling to when you watched sappy movies.

The air grew hotter in seconds, and you had to stop for a second to take a breath. As you detached yourself from him, you were surprised how natural everything felt.

There was no awkwardness, no doubt.

You just kissed Yunho, your best friend, and it felt as natural as breathing.

"Now that... That was super hot."

It took you a second before you burst out into laughter. Leave it to Yunho to say something a frat boy would in a moment like this.

"Yeah, it was. You're such a dork, oh my God."

"But I'm your dork, right?"

You looked into his eyes, seeing how serious he actually was.

"Do you... Want to be?"

"I thought I already was, but let's make it official."

Before you could respond, Yunho got down on one knee in front of you. Your eyes widened, and you panicked slightly when he reached into his pocket.

You soon realised there was no need, because he only took out his wallet. Strange, but okay.

"I know this is so sudden, but I always knew we'd end up together. I was just too shy to do anything because I'm me, and you are incredible. And so sexy it's not even real."

You gasped, knowing there was no chance Yunho could do a standard, normal, romantic confession.

For some reason, you loved him even more for that.

"Look at this."

He took out a piece of paper from his wallet, giving it to you.

There, on a random sticky note, was your writing. It only said "gone out, eat breakfast you idiot!!! love you"

"It's funny, but when I looked at the note you wrote about six months ago, I couldn't help but wonder. Do you love me in the same way I love you, or was it just something you said because we've known each other for so long. I realised I had to step up my game, so I tried to be obvious. But you... You are as dense as honey sometimes."

Your eyes widened.

"Is that why you..."

"Call you honey? Part of the reason. You're just the sweetest person I've ever met, so it fits. Do you get it now?"

You nodded, realising he was still down on one knee. You pointed at his position, raising your brow.

"If you propose to me on my cousin's wedding day we might as well be exiled from planet earth afterwards."

Yunho gasped, seemingly realising himself how this might look to you.

"No, no! Don't worry, I plan on proposing, but not today. I need to figure out where I can rent a unicorn."

"You do know those aren't real? And why the hell would you need a unicorn?"

"Doesn't matter. Let me get back to my point. I love you, and I want you. Do you want me?"

The two of you looked into each other's eyes, not knowing whose smile was bigger.

"I love you, and I want you. Come and kiss me again."

"Yes ma'am!"

.

.

"We totally broke your bed."

"Let's hope we did not, because my mother would freak out."

Your back was pressed against Yunho's front, his arms wrapped securely around you. The position wasn't foreign to you, but the state of undress you were in was.

After his grand confession, Yunho couldn't keep his hands off of you. Soon enough, you were tangled in the sheets of your old bed, your moans making the sweetest melodies.

"You know, we can skip the wedding if you want to."

You turned to glance at him, totally unprepared for the suggestion.

"We can't do that. My family would... You know, I don't think my family would mind much."

"Do you want to go?"

"No! No, I don't! You're a genius."

He laughed, placing a kiss on your hair.

"I pride myself in having a big brain. I don't think that's the only thing that is big abo-"

"Okay! We get it."

You turned around in his arms, placing your hands on his cheeks.

"I love you. Thank you for going through this hell with me. And thank you for pushing me to do something I want, but don't have the courage to."

He leaned down to place a gentle kiss on your lips, his arms strengthening their hold on you.

"You can always count on me. You deserve to be surrounded by people who worship the ground you walk on."

"There aren't that many."

Yunho smiled, chuckling afterwards.

"There's me. I will be there, for as long as you want me."

"Somehow, I think that will be more than enough."

The two of you enjoyed the feeling of finally being together for some more, before you silently packed up your things and headed out to the car.

Finally, you were able to escape the horrible behaviour you'd been exposed to since you were little.

Your heart didn't feel so heavy anymore, and with Yunho's hand covering yours, you knew it never will.

.

.

.

[hoardingpuffin]

Recently, with all the defenders of so-called AI "art" and fanfics "written" by ChatGPT, I've been thinking a lot about a quite from one of my favourite ever films, Dead Poet Society.

We don't write poetry because it's cute. We read and we write poetry because we are members of the human race, and the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, law, engineering - these are noble pursuits and nessecary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love - this is what we stay alive for! [...] That you are here - that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?

I love this film. It breaks my heart every time, but it also gives me this sense of hope, and support, and it majes me feel a little less hopeless. And this beautiful monologue delivered by Robin William's Mr. Keating is somehow the perfect way to explain why AI "art" and AI "writing" will never be truly good. A machine may be able to create an image or a text, frankensteined together from the corpses of stolen human-made work, but generative AI will never know the pain of heartbreak, or the joy of requited love, the happiness about the first green leaves of spring, the utter sorrow and pain that comes with being a human creature. Art will always be artful because of humanity. We cannot ever stop creating art. As far as archaeology and paleoanthropology go back, we find art. Even stone age humans were creating art. Humanity has always expressed itself through music, writing, drawing. Art isn't only the thing we stay alive for, it is the very thing keeping us alive. Humanity would die without art. Music is a language that crosses the borders of linguistic capability. Paintings are fascinating to every age group, to each in a different way. Humanity is filled with passion, and sorrow, and happiness and love and pain, and if we didn't create art out of all these emotions, it'd kill us.

The human race is filled with passion. These are the things we stay alive for. What will your verse be?

[rookamell]

Would love to hear opinions on this because it's been how many months now and I still can't make sense of that pantry scene with Lucanis. It just doesn't check out in my mind. Because... ok. Yes, he is obviously acting a little bit, he has to be. But it's... so natural at the same time? I don't know how to explain it and I might be wrong but. People say he's acting like he's done it before or at least watched Illario, and I don't think he has. I also don't think his first instinct in a moment like that is to think about Illario and what he would have done because the moment before that ('You deserve better than to deal with my mess' 'you're more than what you're going through) is so soft and intimate and them that I just cannot rationalize that he's completely acting in this moment. Coupled with how he acts toward Neve and the flirty banter with Rook while on the coffee date... I don't know if he's being completely disingenuous here. I think he is flirting authentically, he just gets scared when he realises what he is doing. Personally I think he has a moment of 'i wonder if caterina would approve' and then snaps out of it but that is complete headcanon so I won't harp on it too much. But then I see posts where people say their Rooks were probably freaked out a little because that's not their Lucanis and I always tend to agree because it's so at odds with what we see from him in the act 2 and 3 parts of the romance. It boggles my mind because just when I think I've settled on an explanation I see a post where I'm like 'wait hold on that could be true as well'. I think my favourite explanation so far is from a post I'll like it here if I find it again because I know I have it saved somewhere that says he realises he's making a choice for himself for the first time? On a contract? And that's why he pulls away, not because he isn't being genuine, but maybe that's part of it? Idk I just personally think he's a lot more of a flirty guy than people tend to make him out to be at least... in a certain sense. He says poetic things and reads romance novels and I don't necessarily think the baking lock in is at odds with the pantry scene all that much. Idk. I just have to ramble about it I guess because. I can't fathom. What was going through his mind.

Edit: The post I was talking about is this one by @maythedreadwolftakeyou

[earthtooz]

the grass is warmer on your side, unfiltered and analysed

fic here

ahh. my new child, this fic has taken the spot as the longest fic i have written to date at approximately 20,000 words. this was an ambitious project for sure, being more reader-centric than anything else, it was more a journey for the reader with romance as a subplot. i stuffed a whole bunch of metaphors in that i hope you have noticed throughout, and will be explaining in this author's note.

when i first proposed the idea of a fake dating fic, i don't know why my brain decided to take the modern!au, university!au route, but it felt right at the time, but it's still a decision i cannot fully justify. i think i said 'i want to try write a reader with a really fucking tough family environment' and immediately got to work.

y/n's with complex backstories and personalities always compelled me. to date, this might be my favourite exploration on the commentary and perspective.

phainon, to me, would be the perfect partner for stability and new beginnings. he, in all of his blinding enthusiasm and care for the world, made an interesting antithesis to the reader's dread and negative outlook of okhema. subtly, throughout the fic, he would transform reader's perspective, and be this catalyst that the reader didn't know they needed, and i really tried to play into that. for how stagnant and avoidant reader is (as a very-valid response to previous trauma), phainon really pulled them out of their shell.

there were a lot of metaphors i tried stuffing into this fic. if you have spotted them, congratulations!

metaphor of trees:

magnolia tree - a tree of perseverance, stability, and resilience: -> an immediate call to the challenges reader would undertake during this fic, it was an easter egg i implemented early on. to really drive the perseverance part home, i knew i wanted to end the fic how it started: reader and phainon sitting under a tree.

mahogany table - power, strength, another wood of resilience -> reader's literally crying by themselves in this scene. need i add more?

birch tree - new beginnings, renewal, hope -> this scene is so important to me lol, it's when reader finally begins to realise that there is hope of a new start, a way to break out of this stagnant cycle of abuse they've been experiencing. that someone is here to listen and taking that first step into the renewal process was the turning point. it also was the time when reader accepted their feelings for phainon.

crape myrtles - love, longevity. -> this played into the scene where reader would confess their feelings for phainon. i think i really needed a flower for this scene to bring everything home because in the midst of all this chaos, for how shitty of a day reader's had, all they really need is the love they don't think they deserve. again, phainon is there to prove them wrong.

light and the window metaphor - a testament to reader's insecurity and unworthiness of feeling loved by phainon -> copied and pasted from my doc: 'the windows represent the reader's need to feel perfect. whenever reader sees their own windows even having a speck of dust, they are immediately cleaning it' then, in the aglaea scene when reader faintly sees the hovering of dust through the sunrays, reader doesn't feel compelled to change it, there is no need to. reader can let their hair down, reader can let the dust gather on the windowsill, reader can finally feel the warmth of okhema's sun.

there's still so much i could write about this fic, like aglaea's part in derailing the stigmas reader's parents fed them, how kindness doesn't need to be owed, how a parent's love shouldn't feel like a debt, but i shall cap it there.

if you read this author's note, thank you :) it means a lot that you were curious enough about this long as fuck fic to try and grapple the inner workings of my mind as i wrestled it.

i hope you have a lovely day and take care <3

[qlventingspace]

I'd like to drop some of my thoughts about The Heart Killers here.

You know I'm kinky ace, my love of Pete in the VegasPete days was quite evident as well as my belated realization that I forgot I've always been kinky on some level.

I get that show like Heart Killers is not everyone's cuppa and it's totally fine to be sad about not being able to watch show with your favourite actors for whatever reason.

But.

But this is a show made by a queer man about fantasy queer men.

If you start hating on it (based just on what was shown to us in a trailer) just because you can't watch it and/or it's too sexual or kinky for you ... that's not a problem of the show.

That's a you problem. If you don't like, do not watch and for fucks sake do not start with moralizing.

I'm more than happy to be surprised and I'm on the edge of my seat looking towards what the show is gonna be like bc they didn't give us any concrete hints.

FUCK YES.

I also think that First and Khaotung are literally powerhouses regarding acting and I can't wait to see them in completely new roles we haven't seen them before.

It's surprising, yes, considering how fluffy and cute and comfy vibes they're excluding in their own personal lives but what do we know?! Maybe they wanted to try smth new or maybe they are multifaceted people who like the roles for personal reasons?

Not my place to speculate.

But to see people insisting on them being pushed to filming scenes like that against their will or feeling like they are 'too pure' for kink or sex scenes - that is outright disrespecting their integrity and free will and truly viewing them as only a dolls fans can play with and dictate what they can and cannot appear in.

They are talented, mindful and picky actors, who have enough of will and freedom to choose whatever roles they wanna explore.

P'Jojo is adamant about actors being okay and comfortable filming scenes like that and it was also mentioned that the final nc scenes are always first approved by the actors who star in them (as mentioned in the OF bts).

So knowing all that, insisting on FK being somehow unwilling participants of that, is reeking of homophobia and fan entitlement to actors choices. Stop that.

I went on a tangent a bit.

What I wanted to share as well though is the joy and anticipation!!

I struggle with series that literally rely just on sex scenes, while the plot, cinematography and editing is shite. In those cases sex scenes (though filmed well) are not enough to keep me interested.

In case of Heart Killers I am only excited. I know Jojo's work, so that's in itself is guarantee of quality as well as authentic queer experience (or fantasy in this case).

The soundtrack again will be a blast bc of Jojo's excellent taste and ofc Khaotung singing the smashing ost.

As for the genre I still have no fucking clue what's that supposed to be but I'm swinging wildly from action to romance to crime to comedy to thriller.

(side note: why are people now complaining about it being "soft/lith porn" is beyond me when similar people were excited about porn in different series ??? explain?

sideside note: also manymany straight media is basically porn hiding under fantasy or romance genre but I don't see people accentuating those being porn when talking about them

sidesideside note: also reducing the series that HAVEN'T EVEN COME OUT YET to mere porn is outright disrespectful to creators as well as actors)

The plot (excluding any possible spoilers since I avoid them like a fucking plague) seems engaging and interesting and full of twists and it will probably be not what we imagine or expect but that's exactly what I ehehe EXPECT of it.

As for the sex and kink.

Why should it be smth bad or morally wrong just because it's a bl? Just because it's a gay sex and kink?

I swing wildly between finding sex scenes boring, fascinating, completely no shut it off and being horny cause it's hot.

It's just how I am.

THK has the advantage that it has FK to keep my hyperfixation happy and considering the filming crew, the aesthetics and general vibe of the nc scenes will be bloody fucking beautiful.

I was fully hooked from the trailer and I can say that the combo of FK talent, sub/dom vibes, bondage and probably whole layer of christian guilt (saw you Jesus on a shirt, I'm so sorry) will be my downfall.

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

My Journey to You was a coming of age/romance/who done it complete with a very long explanation from the mastermind whilst everyone looked on:

Which I loved by the way, always great when they walk you through the mystery with helpful little flashbacks. Wonderful. They also explained why that one dude is a blue-haired child but actually old!

I liked the main plot and the main pairing (sunshine melts the cold assassin), but I didn't love the second couple. He loves her, does he? What is her real personality? He doesn't know. She was playing him the whole time! It's like my least favourite romcom How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. You cannot build a relationship on lies no matter how hot the two people might be within it...

The one part I also found kind of silly, though I do understand the cultural context, is the very long explanation of how Gong Ziyu's dad actually loved him (I guess) because he got him a super good bodyguard or whatever. Can you please just hug your child once in his life? You won't die. His mom is excused for having crippling depression (that backstory was sad). Either way, he grew up thinking the only person who loved him was his assassin Step Mother.

The most fun character was of course, the Poison Brother, Gong Yuanzhi, who is desperately competing with a ghost for his brother's love.

He was great! However, if the Gong family was smart, they really should have just given him a wife at the same time as his older brother. I know he's too young, but it would have worked! Like when you buy a gift for your younger child on the elder child's birthday so they don't get too jealous. Or just get him a pet tarantula, same difference. But of course the whole family is too damaged and insane for such foresight.

(I told my East Asian co-worker about the parent plot and they informed me that their father only let them hug him once a day max because that was "enough", so there's that)

[gongziyus]

I'm curious to know which cdramas you'd recommend/are your favourite? I've watched a few over the years but I'd like to watch more of them so I thought your recommendations would be a good place to start 😊

!!

i only just started watching them a couple years ago so i don't know much about them in general, but here are my favs and why:

a dream of splendor - a historical romance featuring a female lead who's a member of an underclass because her father did something to offend the emperor/nobility and so she got sold into what i think was a kind of slavery. what i enjoyed was how gorgeous crystal liu was, and how mature the romance was--it really felt like something between two adults. like most historicals, the guy is some kind of cop, but he's got an empathetic past and i really enjoyed the actor's performance. also in general it's just a great looking drama, and there's lots of women being the closest of friends and supporting each other through thick and thin. there's a silly and frustrating break up in the last quarter, but over all a strong romance in my book.

blossoms in adversity - this is my most recent binge watch, and i'm definitely gonna go back and watch it at a slower pace, maybe this summer. the romance is just okay for me (mostly because the actor for the male lead cannot act), but i really appreciated seeing the female lead, hua zhi, choose to save and protect her family full of women after all the men are banished because her grandpa defied the emperor. she's smart and resourceful (most of the cdramas i'm attracted to are competence pron for women), but this drama's a bit different from the others like it in that it shows us that hua zhi *is* very young and in some cases naive. hua zhi learned all she knows from her grandpa, but over the course of the drama she grows closer to her grandmother, and i loved seeing that relationship develop. as for the romance, while the male lead actor was kind of a bore, the dynamics of the romance were compelling: yan xi's the only person hua zhi really confides in and finds reliable, and her rival for him isn't another woman but the emperor himself. also the second leads' romance in this is soooooo cute and fun.

the double - watched this live. incredible experience. you wanna watch something where a woman outsmarts every single person and gets revenge against her vile husband who framed her for infidelity and then buried her alive, all while saving her family and getting with a rich ass guy who matches her in intelligence, pettiness, and vengeance but never steals her spotlight? then watch this. also this may just be me, but her vile husband is played by a hot actor who is really good at acting and like...well that worked for me.

falling into your smile - totally ridiculous idol romance fun

the legends - this was made on like a 3 dollar budget. but it's a great intro to what i think are called wuxia dramas (?). anyway my fav part is bai lu saving xu kai and him then being devoted to her forever.

my journey to you - gorgeous costumes and i really loved the main romance, though 98% of the audience liked the second leads way more. i admit i watched this cause zhang ling he could ask me for my bank account information and i'd hand it over to him, but the story is truly gripping, until about the last quarter when it logically kind of just falls apart. the fight scenes are really good, though.

new life begins - my favorite cdrama. so much so i don't yet have the words to explain why. but i'll try: you know makjang kdramas? well, melodrama historical/palace cdramas have certain tropes--scheming, malicious women; unfeeling, cruel men; death, suicide, murder; one crazy ass thing happening after another. new life begins is a romantic comedy set against that background in that it takes everything you (or rather i) expect(ed) about a palace drama and just did the opposite. women loving each other all over the place. bonds of friendship so deep they overcome every obstacle. it's just very cute and deeply sincere, and also has a satisfying romance.

nothing but you - age gap sports romance with an older woman and younger man where youan leaves her job and starts a new career as the manager of a tennis club, and recruits san chuan (who she at one point she calls "the embodiment of love" !!!!! oh my god) who just quit being a badminton player to become a tennis player. not too much angst here, even with san chuan's issues with his mom, just a whole lot of sweetness and exercising montages (and some office work stuff). this whole show was basically made with me in mind.

you are my hero - this is straight up military propaganda. however. the romance is so, so sweet, mi ka (the female lead) is so, so sweet and cute and smart and fun, and the secondary romance is between the main guy's older sister and her past flame who's mi ka's mentor, and i liked them a lot too.

now all of these are things i just enjoy cause i like romance and hot people, but for actual recommendations, i'd say check out new life begins and my journey to you.

[merrigel]

OC Tag Game

Okay so @frenchy-and-the-sea tagged me in this really fun OC game and!! I went back and forth on who to talk about but like. For now... It's gotta be Miss Lady My Beloved Pirate Aveline!!

If y'all wannaaaaa, I'm gonna tag... @ramblerogue (that's right get double tagged fool), @nikitatheninth, @in-a-hat, and @quailcovens!! But also if you see this and wanna do it YOU BETTER DO SO AND THEN TAG ME SO I CAN READ ABOUT YOUR OCS!! (To that note- thank you Frenchy and also I love Wyn so much you must know this)

— GENERAL

Name: Aveline Blackwood

Alias: An alias!! Why would she have something like that!! She's just good old Aveline Blackwood!! ("Blackwood" is a fake name, but her real name is big spoilers and the rest of the party follows me LMAO so I cannot reveal it!!)

Gender: Cis lady

Age: 34

Spoken Language: English, French

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Occupation: By her own telling: a pirate and a mercenary. But she seems… A little uptight for that? Way too straight-laced? And the way she holds her weapons… (Also a spoiler, but suspicions I won't Officially confirm or deny point to a background related to the navy)

—FAVOURITE

Colour: Rich, dark blue!

Entertainment: She would spend hours talking her way around expressing genuine fondness for them, but I think a friend of hers has gotten her to borrow a whole host of trashy romantic books that she has a weakness for. The drama! The scandal! She gets way too invested and secretly feels Very betrayed if the final romance isn't to her liking. Why go with that rake, the duke was a perfect gentleman!!

Pastime: Av's favorite pastimes are very like… Fiddly, detail-oriented, tactile things. Cleaning and maintaining her flintlocks are a big one! Also, early eaaarly on when I was making her, I wrote somewhere that she liked building model ships- I stand by that. I think she has a little collection of them scattered around back home.

Food: Yorkshire puddings with a good, hearty dinner roast!

Drink: Big tea-drinker; especially fond of an earl grey! Made a steadfast decision to not drink while on this ship, and broke it…. Like really quickly actually? Things got harrowing LMAO

— HAVE THEY…

Passed University: Officially: No! Orphan urchins don't go to university! In truth… Not Exactly, but something incredibly close

Had Sex: Yes; not a topic that's on the table for discussion

Had Sex in Public: Absolutely not!!!!

Got Tattoos: None willingly, but she's had one magically inflicted upon her! She's run a lot of conversations in her head centering on trying to explain it to the people in her life back home LMAO

Got Piercings: Just two simple ear piercings. I think she got them on a sudden burst of impulsiveness as a teenager after being told by her mother that she was too young, then convincing her father to help arrange things LMAO- despite all the fuss, I don't think she's ever really worn earrings that often before the hoops she's now sporting! (cough cough uh I mean what father mother she doesn't have those what was I saying-)

Got Scarred: She's deffo got a bunch of little nicks here and there from sword practice, but most of the most notable scarring has been from the course of the campaign- and. Bite marks?? Now that I think about it?? Crystalline zombie to the left shoulder, alligator to the right ankle, shark to the middle… Girl stop getting bit!!!

Had a Broken Heart: Deffo… I think Av hasn't had That much romantic experience because. The woman is simply Too Busy. She is Focused she is Goal Oriented!! But one of her past relationships started as a bit of a friendly rivalry, and then ended with this person whom she pretty consistently outpaced and outmatched… Being recognized and uplifted, leaving her behind, and being quite pleased to flaunt the- in Av's opinion- unearned rank to her. A broken heart of multiple flavors- she's still bitter about the whole ordeal.

— ARE THEY…

A Cuddler: Honestly, not very much by her own accord? Like, she doesn't tend to seek a lot of touch, but when she's with someone who's very cuddly (see: Calico), she welcomes it happily. Scared Easily: Y'know, generally no? But like. Basically everything that's happened so far in the campaign? I think Av's had more Scared in the past few months than she's had in her entire life prior LMFAO- she's still pretty damn good at keeping a cool head in active danger, but she's been feeling a lot more Visceral Fear than ever before.

Jealous Easily: Av has a biiiit of a jealous streak, but she tries to keep it down. She doesn't tend to covet other peoples' possessions (unless it's a really cool weapon in which case she Covets To The Extreme), but she does get a teeny bit possessive in the romantic sphere, and bone-achingly jealous of people whose achievements and ability are seen and rewarded.

Trustworthy: Ha! Haha! Very! :) Nah but legit, in most cases, Aveline is very much a woman of her word. It's deeply important to her that she be reliable and trustworthy, which. Is the kind of trait that would maybe usually steer her away from certain activities. Ones that require an alias and a lot of lying. Why did she do that she is in hell

— FAMILY…

Siblings: Okay I was gonna say most of this section is secrety-secret but this one… Was even secret to her lmao!! Not so long ago in the campaign, Aveline had it revealed to her that she actually is NOT an only child, but the youngest child of THREE… One being the ship's unpleasant weapons master Selim, and ONE BEING…. A SITTING QUEEN…. Both of these torment her in very different directions but functionally the same amount. Like what the FUCK do you mean my brother is my asshole coworker and my sister is THE FUCKING QUEEN?????

Parents: Okay okay okay this is fun here we go: BY HER STORY! Av is an orphan. We've established this to be a lie, we're here in the lore together, yes, follow me. THE TRUTH TO HER KNOWLEDGE: Aveline's parents are Vera and [REDACTED] [REDACTED], two society members of pretty respectable standing- Vera is a seamstress, and her father does something I can't elaborate on but you can probably take a reasonable guess! And you'd think that's the end huh? Except you read the siblings bit so you know it's time for THE ACTUAL TRUTH, HIDDEN FROM AV HERSELF (AND ME AS WELL): Her actual biological parents are notable pirate Amos Timber-Jones and THE LATE QUEEN with whom he was having a FORBIDDEN SECRET AFFAIR! SCANDAL! Av's birth was covered up (recorded as a miscarriage), but Amos felt unable to provide a safe home for a literal infant on his wacky pirate adventures, so in a last-ditch effort, he brought the baby to… His estranged sister, Vera. Vera agreed to raise Av, but as her own child- Amos's relationship with his entire family is very rocky, so Av never had any idea he existed until meeting him recently. Ta-dah! I'm doing jazz hands!

Children: None as it stands, but she likes kids (though she's not great with them- too stuffy and then too nervous about being too stuffy!). Things are bound to change there, though, given her ties to the Captain and our search for his missing daughter Pearl!! (Off the books, we've also made up a little far-future second kid for them- a baby boy named Caspian!)

Pets: One (1) specialest baby boy: a crocodile she's named Snapper!! He is her world. He's so smart. He's the best creature to ever live. He's also on the list of "Things Aveline has no idea how she's going to explain or integrate into her daily life"

Thank you for reading all of this!! For your knowledge of Av lore you can now summon me in battle

[letterboxdd]

Thoughts on Ilsa Faust in DR. Spoilers.

Thinking about Ilsa Faust's fate in Dead Reckoning and director Christopher McQuarrie's comments about it in the Empire Podcast. As a fan of the franchise and with Ilsa being my favourite character, I feel like I had to write a little something based on the movie and his reason for it. A lot of fans are upset (including me) and I want to write something properly, not just the angry tweets and posts. 

To start off, they wanted Ilsa to die already back when they were making TGM. And his reasoning seems to be that he didn't want Ilsa and Ethan to be romantic. Just that baffles me, if you don't want romance, how can you not just write a script where Ilsa and Ethan stay platonic? They handled it well in Rogue Nation and Fallout, you can see they care for each other deeply, but they don't act on it. We could have had Ilsa on the team, she could have gotten out of the game but was brought back in for some reason, she could have had literally any other story. But the fact that the only thing that seemed to come to mind if he didn't want to make them romantic was to kill her off seems very odd. 

He also talked about wanting to work with Hayley Atwell for over ten years and this fact seems a little too convenient when thinking about why he had to kill Ilsa off. But we'll come back to Grace later. 

He explains that they killed Ilsa off before they even knew the reason why. They killed off one of the most popular characters of this franchise without even having made up the reason behind it. We know that they work without a script, but making such a huge and impactful decision (he says he knew the fans would be upset) without even knowing why baffles me. 

I also need to point out, I would have been fine if she had been given a decent, meaningful death. Yes, I would have been sad, but had it felt worthy it would have been one thing. With how they handled her death in this, I can't be sad. I am just mad. Frustrated. Confused. 

Let's talk about Ilsa's storyline in this film. At the end of Fallout, she got out. In this film, she is disavowed for some unknown reason, and she is brought back into the game with the whole thing about the key. Kittridge says some weird comments about Ethan and Ilsa's relationship, that Ethan has saved Ilsa over and over when it is clearly the other way around. Let's go with this just being Kittridge getting it all wrong and not McQ but.. what do I know.

Ethan finds her in the desert and the whole scene is very rushed, they barely even talk, and.. she just hands him the key? What was Ilsa's plan? Ilsa's purpose? We don't know and we never find out (at least not in part one). Maybe there was more to it, more to Ilsa's story, we know they cut a lot of the movie, and we know for sure they cut at least two of Ilsa's scenes. 

Then she just shows up in the van in Rome before they end up in Venice. 

In Venice, we have Ilsa and Ethan hugging on a rooftop and holding hands on the gondola on their way to the party. For someone who claims that they didn't want Ilsa and Ethan to be romantic, I have a lot of questions. Especially since we also had the desert hug where she is literally on top of him. She is clearly a romantic interest, there's no questioning that. And to be honest, that is basically her only purpose in this movie. 

Now things get a little messy because we arrive at the party. I have always been a fan of McQ's writing of female characters. He did absolutely fantastic in Rogue Nation, Fallout and Edge of Tomorrow. At the party, the villain gives Ethan the choice between Ilsa or Grace. One of them has to die. 

Now, we know Ethan cares about Ilsa a lot, so the choice should be simple, her compared to this woman he just met who kept running away from him over and over and left him to die on a train track handcuffed to a car. The thing is, Ethan Hunt can't make that choice. He cares about each and every individual. 

We've now arrived at the reason why Ilsa dies. And I cannot begin to express my distaste for the cliché writing of having a male character choose between two women, one who is a love interest and the other who is so obviously made out to be the new female lead (and potentially, a new love interest, Ethan/Grace share some suspiciously weird longing looks but the fans are divided if it is romantic or not). 

Ilsa or Grace. Apparently, there can only be one woman on the team, which the previous films have shown us, too. 

I just need to add that they're working against an all-knowing AI, so why isn't "the choice" between Luther or Benji? Ethan's two very best friends, two brilliant tech minds who must be a bigger threat to the entity as well?

In the end, it all comes back to that it's not people that Ethan loses - it's women. And there is only space for one brunette woman on that team. 

So let's talk about the bridge scene. First of all, Grace has been running the entire movie, why would she suddenly stop running when there is a man literally trying to kill her? 

Anyways, she holds him off surprisingly long considering she's just a thief and with how in the previous action sequences she kind of came off as a damsel in distress. Eventually, Gabriel knocks her down the stairs. 

Enter Ilsa Faust. Highly capable spy, Ethan Hunt's equal, a woman who we know is lethal in hand-to-hand combat. We saw her take down Janik Vinter in a knife fight at the end of Rogue Nation and we saw her take down Solomon Lane in Fallout (tied to a bloody chair). 

She even has the advantage of a sword compared to the villain who has a tiny knife. They fight. For some reason, Ilsa manages to get in way too close several times (watch the choreography for the RN knife fight - she's quick, get in, slash, get out, you can't linger in a knife fight) and she somehow doesn't seem to be able to hold off the old villain longer than Grace. 

She gets stabbed in the chest. Ethan finds her dead on the bridge. In the next scene, Ethan looks sad on a rooftop for a few moments. Benji wipes a tear. They never talk about Ilsa again. It's underwhelming in every sense. 

But what makes it worse, is the fact that in the next scene, the team asks Grace to join the team. Not going to get into the writing of that whole scene, but the thing is, they do it in a way that is basically "look what happened to Ilsa." and the things they say honestly make the team seem very cold-hearted considering Ilsa just died. And we know the team is not cold-hearted. Yes, there's a mission and they need to focus on the job, but they really didn't have to do it like that.

When I tell you I have a bad taste in my mouth, boy, do I mean it. Ilsa dies and in literally the next scene she is replaced by Grace. 

Now comes the talk about her death which McQ describes as "very heroic". I'll admit, in one way, I get why he thinks it is a heroic death. Ilsa sacrificed herself to save someone else, that would be a worthy ending for someone who dedicated their whole life to saving the world, saving people. 

What baffles me is how he doesn't see how poorly executed the whole ordeal was, which is what fans and a lot of critics are upset about (see list of articles criticizing it here:  https://www.tumblr.com/rebeccalouisaferguson/723559978545414144/list-of-articles-criticizing-ilsa-fausts?source=share ) 

Is it fridging? In one way it is; Ilsa is Ethan's love interest and we know "the choice" between Ilsa and Grace happens because Ethan cares about her. McQ also mentioned it happening to up the stakes, so..

Yes, she also died because she decided to save Grace, but there's more than one reason for her death.

I feel like what also needs to be mentioned is that article with editor Eddie Hamilton who said they cut a "badass" line from Ilsa when she arrived at the bridge. They cut it because it lowered the audience's expectations for what they were about to see. "In the audience's mind, you know that Ilsa is going to kick some serious ass. She kicks a bit of ass, but not a lot. It's not a complete, devastating, ass-kicking, which you hope Ilsa is going to give at some point." They later removed this bit from the article because of backlash. We, the audience, know that Ilsa is better than and so do they. 

We know they're doing damage control, a lot was cut from the delayed Empire part two podcast. Somehow, the more they talk about it, it gets worse.

I know this movie is only part one and there might be more explanations for all of this in part two. But with what we've seen in this film, they fumbled her death so badly that the one thing that would make sense is that it is all a trick and she comes back in part two. There are many theories on that, but I'm not going into details or speculating on that here. 

A testament to how badly they executed her death is that people literally can't believe they'd fail her character this badly. McQ who we all thought was a brilliant writer. McQ who wrote one of the best female characters we've seen in years only to throw her out as if she was garbage. No matter what happens in part two, one thing is for sure. 

Ilsa Faust deserved better.

[ongreenergrasses]

🥝🦋🦴🎨

🥝: do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

i sure do!! i tell lots of white lies for fun to strangers, especially when I’m traveling. i’ll give people different names, different life stories, different jobs. why not. harms nobody. but sadly the most recent lie I told is not very exciting, I ended up leaving a work call (after we went over the scheduled meeting time, btw) because I lied and said I had to enter another meeting, but really it was because my head was pounding from being on a Teams call for two and a half hours straight and I needed to lie down

🦋: share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

I’ll be honest it has been an absolutely horrendous three days, like it has been hit after hit after hit, and at this point I’m just trying to keep myself on. one foot because the other leg is busted lmao…we went out to dinner because I was like I cannot be in this house, all I will do is cry

anyway something I’ve been thinking about that’s not doom gloom depression or annoyingly deep and pretentious seeming is. I’ve been thinking lots about the LSAT! justify the conclusion questions are HARD I need to ideally reread the chapter tonight to take more notes but my headache’s such a fucking rager rn. also I keep thinking about gender roles and misogyny in Panem because it kind of becomes a Thing in an upcoming fic and I’m at the crossroads where I have to decide is this going to be 30k so i can explore all my Themes or do I need to like. lock in and focus on the romance

🦴: is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

besides the obvious? I’m all over the place I think. I draw a lot on a variety of books, mostly it’s music that drives me though

🎨: link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

My favorite fanart will forever be the fanart @bluefeatheredcorvus made for me…like they always get my stuff, they get what I’m putting down always, but in that piece of fan art they understood so completely where Annie was in her arc and her story and managed to illustrate it in a way that perfectly conveys what I was saying less than articulately at that point, how she’s surrounded by vibrancy and this new world that she feels like she cannot be a part of because she’s crushed and erased herself so completely in order to build it. it’s so masterfully done. and something I also love about it is that Annie is a negative space, which is so meta and I love it for a million reasons but my favorite part of that is that I do not have a definitive Annie and how she looks to me is probably different than how she looks to all of you. so I think it’s really cool that she’s faceless and you can see whatever your image of her is in the art. Schrodinger’s Annie strikes again

writer’s truth or dare

[thefoundersofsingapore]

I told a few friends about my game yesterday, and one of them thought it was very weird and asked if I hit my head somewhere 🤣. Hey, but there are even weirder otome games out there, like the KFC otome game or a gorilla otome game and the horse-man dating game. 

I suppose it would be very unusual for people to make otome game based on historical figures, and people online have been saying that dating Abraham Lincoln as an American or dating Napoleon as an European would be really weird. But games like that do exist, such as Ikemen Sengoku, which feature historical Japanese warlords as romance candidates. 

I started wondering to myself what sort of comments my game would get if it was featured on Mothership. These are some of my favourite comments that ChatGPT came up with:

"Wah lau, dating sim about Raffles and Farquhar? What in the MOE syllabus is this?"

"Simi sai, can date the ang moh who colonized us ah?"

"Confirm some history nerd’s pet project lah."

"This one MOE approve or not? Later Social Studies teacher pengsan."

"Bro, people really simping for Raffles and Farquhar sia…"

"Eh, don’t play play. Later secondary school students use this to study history."

"Aiyo, this one confirm got niche audience. But okay lah, at least it’s creative."

"Only in Singapore will you see people turning old British men into husbando material."

"MOE Social Studies 2.0—now with dating mechanics."

"This one NE quiz can use or not?"

"Raffles ghost come back ah, see this sure vomit blood."

"No lah, cannot. Next time someone make LKY otome game, how?"

"No Tengku Hussein? No Temenggong? This game confirm got biased sia."

"Imagine explaining to your ah ma why you dating British colonizers in a game."

"Last time history was boring, now can date Raffles and Farquhar? I support."

"Waiting for the DLC where I can romance Sang Nila Utama."

"Singapore dating sim? Next one should be about politicians lah."

"Raffles ghosting me in the game just like he ghosted Singapore IRL."

"Wah, next time kids play this in school then tell teacher 'I dating Raffles'."

"MOE better put this in the syllabus. History suddenly interesting sia."

"Wah, first time I see colonialism in a romance game format."

"So... we just casually romancing the guys who taxed our ancestors?"

"Imagine explaining this game to your British exchange student."

"If I play this, does it make me a simp for colonialism?"

My favourite one is the “turning old British men into husbando material” 🤣🤣🤣 I actually laughed out loud in public when I read that.

[semper-legens]

76. Crumbs, by Danie Stirling

Owned: No, library Page count: 383 My summary: Ray has a favourite order at her local bakery - tea with a side of Romance. When she catches the eye of Laurie, the musician-turned-barista behind the bar, there’s a spark between them instantly. But it’s never that simple when magic is on the cards. Ray is a seer, aiming for a job on the Council; the Council who must erase themselves from the memories of anyone they used to know. And Laurie wants to get serious with his music. Will they be able to make it work, or is love not possible for someone with ambitions? My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

I read this one before - for some reason, I was thinking of it recently, and lo and behold, there it was sitting on the shelves for me to reread. It's a charming little story, one that was a Webtoon before being collected into a graphic novel format. A tale of love and loss and tough choices; a coming-of-age narrative in more ways than one. It's also the right kind of length to read in one sitting, which is handy for me - I really like that in a graphic novel. I was utterly charmed by it again, and I'd recommend checking it out.

In my earlier post, I didn't really give much time to the art, so I'm going to talk about it now! It's very colourful, with a mystic kind of haze over it and a lot of rounded lines. I keep saying the word 'charming', but that's really what it was, it was charming in its presentation. I wasn't sure, however, if some of the art didn't suffer a bit from being upscaled into a print comic format? Some of the haziness that I had assumed was stylistic came across at times as blurriness, and I didn't really see why that was being used. It wasn't too distracting, it was just something I noticed. Other than that, though, it's gorgeous art, and in particular the artist really makes the baked goods and coffee Ray gets at the bakery look very appealing.

Ray and Laurie are very believable characters. Caught in the awkward young adult stage where you're just kind of coasting by and figuring out who you are and what you want from the rest of your life, they're trying their hardest to make it in their respective paths. Laurie wants to be a musician, while Ray wants to be on the Council. But both of those ambitions come with problems. Laurie, as I said in my earlier post, was very relatable to me - he wants to be all things to all people, but this is often at the expense of his own happiness, and he doesn't ask for help or rely on others easily. Ray, on the other hand, wants to follow the path that was set out for her by her gifts - she wants to do Great Things, but cannot quite accept that placing herself where her abilities will be most useful is not the most glamorous of work. These are both really credible experiences for people at that age and in that position in life, and seeing Ray mature enough to go on and do great things or Laurie be able to reach out and be more honest about how he feels and when he's struggling is immensely satisfying.

I also like the worldbuilding here - there's very little exposition or explanation, and when it happens it's mostly organic and comes up naturally over the course of the narrative. This is a strength of the graphic novel format, I feel, elements can be introduced purely visually and the reader can intuit what's going on. Like the phones, for example - phones in this setting seem to be inhabited by little familiar spirits that can compose messages and set reminders for you, which is never explained, but we see it happening a few times and get the gist. Or how Ray's order at the bakery is Romance; we're never quite told that it's enchanted, but we understand it from context. As an overly wordy bastard who tends to write prose exclusively, I am jealous.

Next…a little book from a being named Bill.

[stromuprisahat]

I just couldn’t stand the Girl Bossing that happened s2 Sab. It seemed over the top, very flimsical and well it didn’t seem that they had to overcome or do anything substantial to get the attitude. Like what was Alina pretending to be so superior the entire show? Genya I can understand but why tf was she terrified of the Darkling before the Incident. Why look so terrified when getting rescued from cages and torture. Please explain. Less you talk of Zoya the better.

My favourite character in SoC was Inej but why turn her into fanatic.

No idea why Nina hates the Darkling? She is ok with her bf being a former hunter bit Darkling is BAD.

Ps- Dont like Tamar and Tolya

Also Alina had some of the cringiest lines - You envy our love

Ofc the darkling had The Worst lines. In both seasons.

Unfortunatelly, the writers have about two braincells to rub together, and the result looks accordingly.

Alina fell victim to the idea that a good heroine is a tough heroine, and a tough heroine has no feelings outside the preferred romance. Maybe some righteous anger, but what else could she need?!

Genya probably got kicked in the head, before they hung her in that cage, that's why she was constantly afraid and semi-hysterical.

Zoya's visibly the writers' fav. They're "subtly" setting her up for her queenship. (About as subtle as a herd of mammoths crossing a thawing lake, but nvm.)

Inej has the misfortune of being religious. More primitive mind cannot distinguish between that and a fanatic.

Nina hates the Darkling, because she adores Zoya, who hates him, and he wouldn't approve her semi-fictional relationship with Matthias (Remember that while she's frolicking around, sing-songing about their eternal love, he believes she betrayed him and got him into prison.). We shouldn't forget the Evil Dark Wizard sent one of his best men to look for her, when she was kidnapped by her bf's Nazi cult. Fucking cockblocker!

I've encountred an opinion that Bataar twins are better in the show. I don't know. I think the writers were relying too heavily on viewers already knowing them, but hey- if they don't have time to properly develop their MC, what else should we expect?!

I've written it before and I'll keep repeating it. I don't like book!Alina, but that self-important psychopath in the second season made me miss her. I feel genuinely sorry for Jessie. She deserved some consistency to play, instead of a flat, cruel, unfeeling amplifierfucker.

Aleksander wasn't half bad in first season, but the shit they made him do and say around Miss Psycho in season 2... I guess he's another candidate for brain damage...