#I can't tag everyone but I wish I could
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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AU where Atreus gets stuck as a bear and him and Sindri have to go on a brother bear style adventure to make him human again.
also open to the idea that this happens after Ragnarok and this is the story of how Atreus and Sindri reconnect
#god of war sindri#sindri#god of war atreus#god of war#god of war ragnarok#i like the idea that this happens after Ragnarok alot#sindri is so consumed by grief and wants everyone to leave him the hell alone but this godamn bear keeps following him#and of course the godamn bear is actually Atreus#Hasn't he done enough already??#but he so clearly needs help and Sindri can't fight off a bear that just refuses to let up#they make a deal that if he helps atreus become human again then he will leave him alone forever#obvs they end up making a fantastic tag team#freya tells them they have to travel to a high mountain and preform a spell in order to change him back#one adventure and some begrudging bonding/healing later and they get to the mountain#wacky bear shenanigans included#the spell docent work though#because Atreus is stuck this way because of his guilt#the spell only breaks when Sindri tells him that he's got to let go of his guilt#he finally listens to his brother's last words#godamnit i wish i could write coz this could be such a cool fanfic
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The Rêverose train doesn't stop. i made some sort of mini-ref thing for her :] bonus:
(consider reblogging & donating to my Ko-fi, thank you!)
#honkai star rail oc#hsr oc#Knights of Beauty#Halovian#Rêverose#Vio's Art Tag#Vio's OC Tag#ok to reblog#hello everyone. giving you the classic flops day after day night after night#Reve is a LOT of fun to draw & write about i wish i could join an rp server or something#you KNOW the other knights (especially one redhead) would annoy the shit out of her everytime they cross paths#she talks as flowery as them but she's a complete SHUT-IN she can't handle her extroverted peers...#also she's scared *rgenti might kill her.... yeah#long story bout that hahahahhaha Bye
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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#I feel like I'm bothering ppl with my bullshit and i can't shake the feeling that everyone is fed up with me#I wish i could go live in a cave by myself sometimes#.....(let it be the 10k gods cave at least T.T)......#no but for every hour of intense serotonin i get from things i love...I feel like a worthless trash the next few hours#Almost like i don't deserve it because even saying HELLO sometimes makes me feel like a bother#and that's to ppl /I/ consider friends#ive lost the ability to even realize who considers me a 'friend back'#not that i have anything to offer#plus i have to do some shit at work that i dont like#and it's taking a bigger toll on my brain than i thoguht it would#but its fineeeee cause I have the ability to bury myself in the things I adore to stop even the slighest real world thought from occuring#hyperfixations ftw#'cept SOMEtimes like now when im overwhelmed that i feel like i dont do them justice#I'll delete this later I'm just.. Tired..#Ishidarambles#Personal shit#ranting in the tags like an OG tumblr user
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If Robin were a boy she'd be everyone's favorite character but since she's a girl she only gets to be Steve's gay best friend.
#from the simple fact that male!Robin from alternate dimension would certainly be a gay man#automatically shipped with Steve because Of Course#like of course that's how it'd go. and everyone would accuse the show of queerbaiting because obviously a queer man can't come out to a#male straight friend if it doesn't have some supposed ''romantic subtext'' there#the shipwars among h4rringrove and st3ddie and m/m!St0bin would drive me insane#what really drives me up the walls is people so desperate for canon queer rep they need to make up queerness in characters when it isn't#there. and im not talking abt headcanons or shipping i'm talking about people who wholeheartedly believe byl3r is going to be canon#like beyond it being a theory like these people actually believe mike is gay in canon and was intentionally written that way#it wouldn't bother me if it wasn't so painfully clear the female queer character we got isn't enough.#like idc if people have different opinions from me. if you're a byl3r endgame truther it doesn't affect me you do you#but byl3r and st3ddie being so fucking MASSIVE just shows you how male characters are priorized over female characters. like i get people#liking those ships and characters. i'm just shocked to see the NUMBERS.#and knowing Robin isn't as appreciated as them just because she's a girl#like sometimes i feel almost guilty to fixate on her when she's not like one of the main MAIN characters and she barely has an arc and gets#little attention from the story. but then i remember the eddie/st3ddie fandom exists#idk i just wish i could find robin content in robin tags but it seems like tags such as ''robin buckley internalized homophobia'' (my guilty#pleasure when it comes to angst) is dominated by straight boys steve and eddie. which is ironic
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NAMI NEEDS TO GO UP THERE AND FIGHT BIG MOM I AM SO SERIOUS!!! THIS IS A BATTLE FOR THE ROMANCE DOWN TRIO!! SANJI DO NOT DARE TAKE HER SPOT!!!
#big mom just giving birth here on the battlefield.....#do i comment on the incestuous relationship between clouds made of the same soul??? no?? okay...#oh jesus.... goodbye kid and killer.... nami needs to get up there and take control of zeus and i am so serious#HER SKILL IS SO POWERFUL AND SO PERFECT FOR THIS FIGHT AGAINST BIG MOM BUT BECAUSE SHE IS NOT PART OF THE STRONG TRIO SHE GETS STUCK WITH#THE B LIST VILLAINS!!!! LKKE WHY DOES SHE NEED TO FIGHT ULTI?? OKAY THAT WAS MEANINGFUL BUT THAT COULD END THERE!!!!#SANJI GO FIGHT PAGE ONE!!! SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF ULTI AND LET LUFFY ZORO AND NAMI TAKE CARE OF KAIDO AND BIG MOM!!! I AM SERIOUS!!!#big mom is inside the castle.... maybe i will get my wish granted (kinda...)#kid and nami against big mom.... maybe sanji can join... i can see it so clearly.... come on now.....#if namo knew armor haki she would have gone up there and taken zeus and dealt with prometheus and his sister wife. let the others w/ big mom#fucking hawkins... end him killer.... calling him domesticated lmao... end his pathetic ass#using conqueror's haki on the weapons..... also zoro having it too.... the flower petals symbolism..... OHHHHHHHHH#nani indeed...... BREAK THAT MACE!!!! YEAAHHH!!!! law is completely baffled#KAIDO GOT SENT BACK!!!! LETSGOOOOO AND THE OG INTRO MUSIC QUICKS IN!!!! law just saw god again....#he said fuck off i got this.... omg.... he is either gonna nearly die and doesn't want them to follow or doesn't want to worry about them#while he fights and they try to defend him.... no other explaination (apart for 4 the plot reasons)#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1028#luffy king of everything that was such a slay#they changed luffy chiquito's design....#i was gonna say luffy swimming...... but he can't yet akdhajsj#yasopp taking care of everyones children but his own...... i see how it is....#WHY WOULD SHANKS STAY IN GOA IF NOT TO TALK WITH GARP WHO LIVES THERE!!! I AM TELLING YOU SHANKS IS IN KAHOOTS WITH THE MARINES!!!!#i was thinking about shanks scar... and thought it might be from buggy with his three knives in between his fingers you know#but it is too small... like the knives would take more space.... but maybei might be reaching and it is from buggy and not like a little paw#or little hand.... however much distrubing you want to paint it....#shanks is testing little luffy's intelligence... he knows his weak spot already akdhjasj#uta calling herself a diva.... ajshaksn might this be the reason luffy was so inclined to having a musician since the start???#episode 1029#that was like a perfectly realistic relationship between an older smartass girl and a younger boy lmao it was spot on
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buttered noodles 💫💛🍜
#just me hi#it's just a Lot of butter cuz i don't like having pasta sauce w/ parmesan (something wrong w/ that idk hfbshv) so :3#i was thinking of putting garlic in it but idk if that would be good... do i wanna take the risk.. i mean you can't really go wrong with#garlic... Hmmmm....#//oh yea i am definitely gonna switch up my main blog theme ehe :3#and maybe my rb blog's theme too cuz i liked it when the colours were matching lol#maaaybe to blue.. i don't remember if i've ever had a blue theme so this might be the first blue theme ehe :3#i just like to have an Image for the banner so i need to figure out what i'd like that to be.. hmnmnmnmnm!#//alright you know what i'm gonna put garlic in this one second lolll#okay i put black pepper and garlic in it's not too bad :)#prolly shoulda put more salt in too cuz i'm craving it. salt <3#/having spaghetti cuz the meal is actually supposed to be eggs and i cannot have that lol#some people are upset about this! like my dad. and my brother who is making the food lmfsh#i didn't know food was being made i am innocent in this !! probably anyway#like nobody is more displeased by this than me dude. i wish people could actually like. describe what some foods taste like so that i could#actually see why they like them#but you ask and they say 'what are you talking about? it's just egg' but 'Just Egg' SUCKS dude what is Your Egg like. pretty please kfshvjg#and grapefruit? grapefuit sucks but my mom likes it and i can't understand Why#and i wanna ask what it's actually like and why she likes it but she only says 'idk it's good with salt' what does that MEAN#how does the taste change?? how would you describe it before that ? clearly it was good enough before the salt or you wouldn't have tried i#with that!! i just wanna know !!!!!#dark chocolate ?? Please ??? do you like the taste of restrained anger and resentment cuz that's what it tastes like lmao ???#Coffee ??????? i can't understand coffee without a bajillion tons of sugar (+ other things) masking the taste how do you. Deal#not even deal- Enjoy !! how are you enjoying it !!! Why !!!! and why does everyone think i'm trying to convince them it's bad when i ask#LMAO--#like i'm not trying to say it's bad i'm trying to figure out how it's good please. Please Man lmfvshjfvhgfks#okay so clearly i have thoughts on all that LMfvshgjhfs#bitter stuff sucks and i barely like sour stuff Sometimes. food is all around good though so lol 👍#//alr i'm gonna. [starts scooching away]#i am almost out of tags (rip unlimited tags i miss you so bad hfsvh <3) edit: i ran out LMFVHS ; TOODLES !!
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#i ran out of tags on my last reblog.#but yeah basically i wish the high guard leaned more into that toxic masculinity that they had going on#you know the type of masculinity where guys egg each other on to be more an more aggressive/violent/strong etc#the type of masculinity where... when asked ''how did it get like this? why did you and your friends take it so far?'' the guy doesn't know.#they get swept up in. let megs get swept up in this shield of strength and power which makes him feel (in the moment) not helpless.#but it goes too far. he does things he can't take back. his best friend is horrified by him-- doesn't ACCEPT him anymore.#he and Orion argue and instead of defending Sentinel Orion defends a random cronie and gets shot.#cue that moment of regret. except in this case he wouldn't catch Orion and go ''why... i'm done saving you.''#instead he'd go ''why...'' notice the cronie is trying to flee and Orion begs him to not become the monster Sentinel was.#but Megs takes offense to that. is he for real?? ''I am nothing like Sentinel. and I thought you of all people would know that...''#''... I'm the only one strong enough to fix things. It's what's best for everyone.'' ''D... no...'' ''Sorry Orion. Cybertron needs me.''#*drops him to shoot the cronie trying to escape*#Orion is so hurt. his sense of jutice is wounded but so is his spark. he dies and comes back as prime. and megs isn't happy to see him.#Starscream stands behind him emboldens Megs. the High Guard refuses to bow to another Prime. Megs now stands firmly in opposition to Optimus#this is because Starscream sees Megs as strong but easily manipulated. he thinks with him at the helm that he'll have a shield#while he basically runs the HG behind the scenes#Optimus and Megs fight. Megs loses. all his blustering about being the savior of Cybertron is thrown back in his face#it's embarrassing. he feels helpless. he never wanted to feel helpless again.#instead of banishment Megs shoves Optimus' outstretched hand aside-- he KNOWS he is in the RIGHT.#and just UGHHH THE HIGH GUARD CREATING THEIR OWN MONSTER BY SPURRING HIM ON!#no one is able to help Megs regulate his emotions he just feels bad and his new friends tell him to punch someone about it! it's not healthy#I WIIIISH I COULD LIKE IT MORE
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#what fucking day is it even#i can't keep track#everything hurts as always#could probably track my vent posts by the 'everything hurts' tag#im tired and scared and lonely and i need so much help but there's nobody who can help me damnit#and I've reached out so hard#I've run face first into my own limitations#I've pushed past them time and time again to try and ask for help#i can't do it anymore i just can't#i wish the dms i get from these helped i wish the hug emojis helped like they used to#but goddamnit i need physical assistance and there is nobody able to give it because everyone is busy and needs help too#everyone's life sucks#everyone is exhausted and ground down to nothing and busy as all hell#....so of course nobody can help me#its selfish of me to want it#......bbut damnit I've been so selfless all my life......#...can't i be selfish just once....?just a little.....
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When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.
#ok to rb in case someone is in the same boat but thinks the post is too personal#this friend of mine...#pretends he's great but can't respect one basic thing#he's lucky I have grown to control my emotions and not lash out#i hate it#don't hug me or touch me end of line#i am honest to god feeling sick#this dude and I have history where I borderline felt incapable of saying no and had sex with him#afterwards I told him how I felt#yet he still pulls this shit#hugs make me sick to my stomach I don't even hug my family#and I really don't wanna hug a man who pretty much made me hate sex (for myself) as a whole#i feel disgusting rn#twice he hugged me and got mad when I refused to hug him again#even after I already told him I hated it#then asks if I'm scared of him because of that like you piece of shit I wanna rip my skin out where you touched it#I may pretend to everyone that I'm a strong confident man but good lord#sometimes I wish I had an over protective boyfriend so he could kick him in the teeth over this shit#it's ridiculous I know but fuck#apologies if you read all these tags but I over drank after this and none of my friends are awake and I needed to vent#garrett.text
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y'all ever just. have those times where you don't really have any energy to deal with f/o angst either from either canon or from your own scenarios you've come up with?
sometimes you just want to think about soft comfort you know? 😞
#eve speaks#i am so. so tired today#i haven't really been sleeping well lately so that's probably part of it? although i actually fell asleep pretty early yesterday for once#but well... there's other reasons for why that was the case that i'm not gonna get into#also this post is (mostly) inspired by the fact that we're getting new zayne content in the game he's from (which is very exciting!!)#but from the trailer you can tell it's definitely gonna be angsty to some extent#which normally is fine for me (and i am looking forward to that stuff don't get me wrong👀)#i just... can't really deal with it today. it's a bit too much for my current mental state i think#which really sucks bc it's all everyone is talking about in the character tags when i search him up and i just... *sighs*#i wish i could be as hype as everyone else rn but alas i am not feeling super up to it atm
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My brother said something the other day about how no-one could prove if the current anti-Israel boycotts are actually making an impact cuz there could be other reasons people aren't eating at McDonald's or whatever
But besides the fact that there are many articles easily find-able online saying that the companies are aware of and feeling the impact of such protests, and some are even making some changes, I needed to make a point to him about why I participate in boycotts whether they're successful or not
But my brother tends to get annoyed and stop listening whenever I talk real politics, so I tried to make a really simple analogy
Let's say there's a man outside our house, and he is just beating people to death with sticks. Not people from our neighborhood, but still, people. We can't call the cops to stop him, because they think he's doing a great job. And we can close the blinds and ignore him, but he's still there and we know it.
And he has a big pile of sticks, so when one breaks he can get another to beat the next person to death with
So one day you have to go outside and the man turns to you and says, "Hey. Can you pass me a stick?"
And maybe it doesn't matter if you do or not. Maybe someone else will give him a stick anyway, or he'll get one on his own, or he'll start punching people
But I don't want to give him a stick.
And maybe I can't stop him, but I at least don't want to help him
At this point my brother tried to make a joke (because that's what he always does in every conversation) and he said something like "What if you don't give him the stick and then he beats YOU to death"
And I was like, "That's a great point, actually, because the Yemeni wouldn't let weapons shipments through their waterways so Israel bombed them."
And the analogy was broken but. I hope I made my point
Maybe I don't have the power as an individual half a world away to stop a genocide. But I at least want to not contribute to it
#i don't want to put this in the main relevant tags because i don't want to attract the ire of certain folks on this site#iykwim#mod post#family stuff#and i know i am oversimplifying massively here but i just wanted to get a point across to my brother without getting too granular about it#because he was only gonna listen for so long#i guess i am posting this in case someone else has a family member who disparages them for participating in a boycott#and maybe this analogy might help a bit#i already feel really helpless in the face of what's going on in the world so tbh it really upset me when he implied#that the boycotts may not be doing anything. maybe starbucks profits are down cuz they suck and are expensive he says#i need to believe that it is doing something. i need to believe my actions are making some tiny miniscule difference#cuz i can't donate much. i can't go over there and help people. i can't evacuate them or heal their wounds or save their families#but i can at least avoid giving my money to some of the companies that are supporting their oppressors#i wish i could avoid giving money to everyone who supports israel but unfortunately#some companies own half of everything and i can't keep track#and also i'll get in trouble if i don't pay taxes#i am babbling now sorry. it's nearly 2 am. i'm gonna... leave this here
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i've been trying to Do Tumblr Correctly and only Like posts so I can return later and Reblog them but I don't remember to do the Reblogging and some of the Likes were just in case I did so my Likes page is as unhelpful as it was before but now I also feel the loss of Liking things just to show whoever posted it that that I saw it.
Also I must say I am, in general, not a fan of the Tumblr Use Rules that you only find out about when people tell you off for not following them.
#i saw someone blame AO3 non-commenting on tumblr's “DO NOT add your thoughts to the OP except in tags!” rule once#which apparently teaches The Youth Of Today that their thoughts are not wanted and will only annoy the OP? idk does it? TELL ME O YOUTHS!!#that said the person who reblogged and added that they can't find Fucked Up Shit on AO3 when looking in the wrong tags#is less irritating than the HUNDREDS of people who have since reblogged to point out their mistake in the tags#wish someone would reblog and tell them that ON THE POST so i could have peace (hang on I could do that myself couldn't i?)#probably too late now anyway - too many versions without that addition to reblog and tag with “lol skill issue” LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DID#...sorry i clearly have something here i need to work through#mostly my fear of making Popular Tumblr Posts (“popular” here means > 100 notes btw)#they never die you know! five years later they will reactivate and your notifications will fill up all over again! oh what a lark!#:|#tumblr
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not sure if people realise how disconcerting it is as a thin person to receive a compliment about my appearance, outfit, etc in groups who i don't think have had those conversations addressing fatphobia and the like. would you be saying this if my body looked different? is that the point of the compliment? what do we even view as beautiful anyway--how much of this is me specifically and how much of this is just. some idealised vision someone sold to you that happens to look kind of a little bit like me?
#i can rage about how i didn't consent for anyone to make this ideal similar to my body type#but really it helps no one and centres an experience i really don't want to centre#in the end can't we see the way it's hurting everyone? me and my depersonalisation aside. you know who else deserves a compliment?#and i know it's impossible to achieve compliment socialism because you can't regulate genuine compliments but. i wish we could#and have it still be 100% genuine#tagging a lil bitta#depersonalisation and derealisation
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screenshots of everyone (in order) under cut!
#guild wars 2#from beyond the grave#god help me i'm not tagging everyone#i desperately wish i could summarize people up better but i really can't lmao#the poll writing space is too small :(
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