#I can't go more into it without doxxing myself but

[rimouskis]

caught up with some old coworkers tonight and 😀 my god is the state of my former employer dire. very, very dire.

[littlestpersimmon]

Am caught in a death spiral my lieges. I don't feel entitled to anyone's time, effort or resources but I feel so beat down. I am disabled, I am working so much I genuinely developed a hunched back. I am alone responsible for my autistic sister, her parentified sibling, and my two parents who are disabled with extremely limited movement. I have three jobs. I can't ask for help on twitter because people I work for follow me there. My work requires me to draw every day, without a day off, ever. I have a "morality clause" which means if I or the author I work with are deemed to be acting in any way the company thinks inappropriate, we are immediately fired and would have to return every single cent we have made. I feel at my wits end. My employers are american- but I am not. I live in the global south- government assistance in the Philippines is *nonexistent*

Last week I asked for help to pay for electricity. The other week I asked for help with my sister who had to be rushed to the ER.

I doxxed myself and posted medical info to this blog, so many strangers know my address, my legal name, everything just for me to be able to seek mutual aid- Wallah I do not want to be this person, but if anyone could please, pick up a print from my inprnt, or subscribe to my patreon, I already have 300+ drawings up there and I upload thrice to four times a month, or if you could send direct tips it would make a world's difference. I will try to open commissions next week but as the world is being plunged into wherever it is we are headed, it's getting harder and harder to get clients.

Currently myself dealing with housing insecurity- we only have a year or two to fix our traditional filipino house as it is falling apart due to the philippine storms and termites- *please* help me and my disabled family of three. I feel I am rambling now bc there's so much on my mind, on my plate, I've asked friends and my partner for help, my sister and my cousins and my friends are all I have. My mom's side of the family cannot help as they are all extremely poor themselves, and my paternal side of the family have emotionally abused me and have members that committed routine csa on me. I do not take any of the help I receive here for granted, and I'm sorry. Reblogs are off as I am asking for help from followers as I feel very ashamed / embarrassed/ humiliated to still be stuck in this dark place . Sorry and thank you again

Inprnt is having a sale rn, everything is like at 40% off!

And my tipping jars:

Sorry and thank you again. If you can't donate or purchase its OK, just please please please include me in your prayers, make mi shebeirach for my health so I csn continue to work, or any prayers at all for me. Thank you

[riemmetric]

One frustrating thing about being a mathematician is that people who aren't into math heard that Einstein quote that's like "you haven't understood something unless you can explain it in layman's terms" and use it to mean "if it can't be explained to me in five minutes it's needlessly complicated, this person is a pretentious snob and academia is gatekeeping knowledge". And like everything in life, the matter of scientists not being able to/not caring to explain their work to people who aren't at the same level of expertise as them is a complex one that is worthy of being discussed, but here's the thing that you have to keep in mind if you haven't done math since high school:

the further you get into math, the more specialized your field becomes. You start working of puzzles that are small, but fit into a greater web of similar problems, like knitting a beautiful flower that's meant to be incorporated into a huge quilt. And all of math is build on top of each other, so you can't get to the most interesting, current math being discussed in the world without getting through the building blocks that are taught to you in elementary school, high school and the university.

You ask me to explain my thesis to you and I can tell you the title, but you won't know what the main words in it mean. And that's not because you are stupid, that's just because to learn that word you have to spend time learning a hundred others. I love math, it's my favourite thing in the universe and I always have time to talk about it, so if you want, we can sit down and I'll tell you everything you need to know to understand what I'm currently working on. You can ask me questions and I will reformulate, you can ask me to go over things again and I will oblige. With your permission, I will get a piece of paper and draw shapes and schemes to help us, but it won't take five minutes. It can't take just five minutes. That is a concession you will have to make if you truly want to learn.

(Unfortunately, I don't want to disclose the title of my thesis on tunglr dot hell, because it's super specific and I don't feel like doxxing myself. But I hope this resonates with some people. I work both in symplectic geometry and Riemannian geometry, and I have to say between the two Riemannian is a little bit easier to explain, because I can just talk about distances, but symplectic geometry or Lie groups... I'm afraid I just can't explain those in a sentence because they rely on people knowing what differentiation means, and that's not knowledge you necessarily retain if you work outside a stem field. Explaining that in a few sentences would eat up the whole five minutes).

[queer-geordie-nerd]

Do anti-trans crusaders like JK Rowling realize they are endangering lots of cis women with their hate? I get that they don't care about trans women's safety or wellbeing, but what about all the not-so-feminine-looking cis women out there who are now becoming the targets of transphobic attacks? The butch lesbians, the tomboys, the women with PCOS, the tall women, the muscular women, the short-haired women, the post-menopausal women who can't afford regular salon visits and injectables and cosmetic surgeries to keep them looking sufficiently "feminine" after their oestrogen dries up, the women who've had double mastectomies without reconstruction, the plain old 'ugly' women? What about them? They are all now being 'accused' of being trans online and getting doxxed and kicked out of women's bathrooms and secretly filmed in gyms and beaten in the streets in transphobic attacks. Does JK Rowling not care about them? Or are they all just collateral damage in the crusade? Should they all just make more of a damned effort? What? How should all the 'unacceptable' cis women out there protect themselves from the new wave of hate people like JK Rowling have stoked against them?

Would JK Rowling be willing to get her vag out and take a DNA test to 'prove' she's actually really truly a fully female woman? Would she object to that, I wonder?

(Not even going to start on the fact that she's also endangering intersex people and 'insufficiently masculine' men.)

I've found myself worrying lately about using public toilets. I'm a taller-than-average not-pretty cis woman who never wears make-up or jewellery or perfume or dresses. I now worry a little about not appearing 'feminine' enough in public, that I might be mistaken for a trans person and subjected to hate or violence. Is that really the world JK Rowling wants?

Anyway. She seems horrible and I'm glad I got rid of all her books. What a stupid hill she has chosen to die on.

Honestly, I think her and her ilk are so blinded by their all encompassing, frothing hatred and paranoia that they really *don't* care at all about women, any women. Like all extremists, their so-called *concern* is really a cover for their abhorrent behaviour.

[handweavers]

what annoys me most about it is that there are several antique looms that were owned by (a legendary weaver all western handweavers are familiar with, whose work and writings helped revive the craft in the mid century and whose name i can't say without straight up doxxing myself) that are non functional and need a lot of repair and fixing, and if i were the studio tech once i fixed all the stuff that's on the floor and easy to go through i'd focus on getting those looms back in order and fully functional once more because they are not just antiques but really important historical craft equipment that can and should still be in use, and they are all just sitting there on a shelf in pieces... just let me do iitttttt they'll be perfect once i'm through with them 😩😩😩

[sgiandubh]

On leadership

This is a personal comment on @luhafraser's last post, where she wrote, in plain English:

'But I can't help but notice that since I joined this fandom, what we have in all the groups in this fandom are "leaders", they come and go, new ones appear, or reinvent themselves. There are people that stand out and lead others to follow their ideas and statements. It is these people that receive information, have sources, receive pics, and are fed by "anonymous" (Sorry, but a lot of things that have already appeared could only have come from someone "inside"). I know we are all adults, but there are those who know how to influence or who are led to be influencers, there are those who understand that and there are those who don't.'

Dear @luhafraser,

You wrote a couple of things with great confidence, as you usually do, and I feel I have to say something,

I have invited you already to name names, not allude to persons in your posts, as you so transparently seem to be doing right now. So yes, I felt looked upon and judged. By you (and not only you). Since Day 1. You thought I was never going to respond, well - you were wrong. The day has come and the day is now.

Dear @luhafraser, while I do immensely appreciate your real qualities (intelligence, humor, sleuthing, etc.), I am less a fan of this kind of little games, both in public and behind the scenes. My sudden apparition seems to have bothered you, with Anons asking you (June 20, 2023) if I was really a new person joining in and you denying it without taking the time to talk to me:

This is simply not done, my dear. I have openly and transparently engaged with people since Day 1 and never lied about my own circumstances. Your answer started a flurry of speculation that kept people interested all summer long and forced me to dox myself. So kindly prove me and all the others I am not a newbie (something completely impossible to do), do it in public and own the things you post in here.

I am not a leader of anything, @luhafraser , and I have no wish to be regarded as such. Ever. I have learned, in 20 years of my high-level public service career, that being the boss corrupts and exposes. But yes, I did want to be a disruptively positive voice in what I felt to be an intimidated community. I wanted to bring more clarity and all those research skills to all of you. I wanted honesty. And I, above anything else, wanted to help. And I am sorry that people agreeing or liking what I post seems to bother you. It is not something I can help you with. It is what it is. There is a place for all our voices to be heard in here. Every single one of them.

I have no inside information on SC and never did. I have not betrayed anything that was shared with me in DMs and only posted things when adamantly asked to do so, after careful vetting and only from people I knew. However I am a hell of a bloodhound when I am set to find something and I am rather good at what I do, also in real life. I also know when to stop and will never share things that would be legally questionable. It would expose us and it is a risk simply not worth taking.

I am not here for clicks and likes. My block list is three or four times bigger than my dash. I do not care for fame, but I do care for a couple of trusted people that became real friends. It is for them and for them only that I am not giving you satisfaction and quit.

I keep my promises. I will not go anywhere. If you do not like what I write, please unfollow and block immediately - this goes for anyone that feels bothered about me being here, in any way. I have no wish to start a war with any of you - that would make Mordor glee with joy for months. But please do me and yourself a favor: if in doubt, go now. I cannot stand duplicity, never could.

I hope that sets the record straight. Believe it or not, I have no hostility towards you. Not a single ounce.

I am not expecting an answer.

[Later edit;] I am glad I doxed myself. Very glad. But that is another story.

[arakkne]

I met a houseless woman today sitting outside the store I was shopping at. She was in real bad shape with some sort of skin condition and when I asked if she was okay, her voice was tinny and cracking as she asked for "just a few dollars."

I gave her what I could and then went back inside to get her water as well. Then I sat with her for a bit. I learned her name and that she had leukemia. She was in so much pain it was tangible. I invited her to sit with me as I got dinner in the place right next door. We talked some more but I think it was hard for her because she kept laying her head down and not making eye contact. She kept saying that she wasn't important and didn't want to be a burden. She refused my offer of food or more money for an Uber ride to her destination. Finally she just stood up and said that she had to go. She thanked me, looked me in my eyes, and said I was very important. And left.

I cried. I cried the whole way home. I'm about to cry now. I cried at how the city / the system has failed her so acutely. At the blatant injustice of it.

Now, not to dox myself, but I'm staying in Eugene, Oregon this summer. Basically Portland-lite. A very progressive, leftist, hippie city (on the surface) but with the nation's highest rate of unhoused people. Mostly due to a lack of affordable housing.

On June 28th, 2024, the Supreme Court ruled that cities are allowed to arrest people for sleeping in public spaces, even if they have nowhere else to go. Already, the Eugene Police Department has begun aggressive sweeps and "clean-ups" of homeless encampments, stealing the belongings of unhoused people, and arresting or threatening to arrest them just for trying to survive. The Eugene shelters are not an option for many, if not most. While Eugene has many mutual aid and city services supporting the homeless, the law clearly sides with heavy criminalization, an inhumane and ineffective approach.

It makes me fucking sick.

Houselessness exists at the intersection of ableism, racism/xenophobia, sexism, and classism. It's a multi-dimensional issue that I can't believe still exists. It should be common fucking sense to feed your neighbor, clothe your neighbor, house your neighbor, give your neighbor universal basic fucking income. I don't go to church but even I know that's what Christ was all about.

I don't know how to convey to others that people without a place to go are still people. Many of them are disabled and unable to keep up with exorbitant rent and medical bills. Houselessness is the biggest sign of our failure as a country.

None of us are free until all of us are free. I read recently in Ijeoma Oluo's Be a Revolution a quote from Edgardo Colón-Emeric. It goes, "hope has two daughters: courage and anger." That has helped me reframe my anger not as despair but as hope. As a source of fuel to help right these wrongs.

Don't give in to apathy and cynicism, especially as your kin are being abandoned, harassed, and policed on the streets. Be angry. Be courageous. Be hopeful. Be loving. In spite, in spite, in spite.

[bradshawssugarbaby]

I really really hate that I even feel the need to write this. I've got back and forth over it a lot over the last 36 hours - it's not something that I've taken lightly or done without a lot of thought, but I have to do what is best for myself, and more importantly, my family. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE a lot of people I've met thanks to the TGM fandom. My personal interactions with everyone have been (for the most part) nothing short of lovely. I feel spoiled with how good my experience on here has been over the past six months since I joined in to this. I've made some great friends and rediscovered my passion for writing and reading, I've found myself some really good creative outlets for my ADHD and mental health struggles, and I'm SO thankful for it. BUT. I can no longer be part of a community where I don't feel safe. I love writing. I love fanfiction. I love writing fanfiction where Bradley Bradshaw is a baseball player. I love writing silly little stories based off country songs I love where Jake Seresin asks you to marry him while quoting Florida Georgia Line. I love writing smut with no plot about Bradley and Bob, and Jake, and Goose - I write because I love it. However, I can't love something if the community makes me genuinely afraid and concerned for not only my own safety, but the safety of my child, and the safety of my friends. Doxxing is dangerous. End of story. It can cost innocent people everything. Everything. Jobs. Families. Lives. It's irresponsible and foolish, and comes with serious real life consequences, not just for the person who you decide to target. It creates a domino effect. I don't know about y'all, but I don't wish to take part in a community where I feel constantly worried someone is going to be out to ruin my life if I don't agree with them on something. If I post a fic that might be similarly written to someone else's. If I don't answer a request in my inbox. If I just do something that generally pisses someone off. It's not productive for my own mental health, and honestly? It's taken any enjoyment out of this for me. So, this is me - saying that indefinitely, I'm going on hiatus. I'm still deciding the future of this blog and my future on Tumblr in general. I might come back when I feel safe once again. I might never come back. I might do an overhaul and change my URL. I might make a whole new account. I don't know. Thanks for the fun times and the love on my stories since I joined in October. I appreciate everyone who has made me feel so welcomed and accepted on here, and taken me from being a sad, depressed housewife with ADHD to feeling myself again. Hopefully this isn't goodbye, it's just see you later, but we'll see how things pan out.

-- Haley 💜

P.S. Whoever is responsible for this? I hope you're happy. I hope nothing more that you're happy and can sleep well at night knowing you've taken something that so many of us use as an escape from reality, as fun and enjoyment, and completely destroyed it without a second thought.

[lanaevyssmoved]

how do you feel about people getting astarion’s scars as tattoos because when i saw it i was like uh….

so i was thinking about how to answer this question for a bit and i've come to the conclusion that my struggles because i am completely gobsmacked that in 2023 we still have issues like this

i am 29 years old, which i think is very important to bring up. i've been on tumblr for over a decade, i remember when people were actually doxxed over kinning a character who did a murder once. i remember when lives were destroyed over how people chose to love a video game character. i remember when an ask like this would cause a witch hunt that ended in someone being genuinely unsafe. i think asks like this can still be dangerous, and i can't post this without making that clear. while i'd like to think this wouldn't happen anymore, i can't say for sure, i think we need to have the self awareness of what can come, when our history, as in tumblrs history, is full of things like this being actually deadly. sorry if that's a little too serious for the vibe you're putting out, but that shit was fucking traumatising and i'm not gonna pretend it wasn't, so this ask was a little scary to receive and my upcoming honesty? i'm scared to put it out there on gut instinct alone haha (insert comment about astarion kinnies here)

astarion is a video game character with intent to make you feel things, good or bad. he is designed to tell a story and attach you to that story. he is designed to make your little brain juices sizzle when he says a funny or makes you sad. i'm sure this is obvious, but your concern for what people do with these feelings makes me think it might not be.

the scars are fucking cool design. they were made to be fucking cool. you're meant to look at them the first time you do and go WHOA.... it is very easy to appreciate the work and effort that went into them by whomever designed them, they have a lot to be proud about. if someone wants the scars as a tattoo because they think it's cool, more power to them. that's a fucking expensive tattoo, it would take a long ass time to be finished and heal, it would never be an easy decision for these facts alone.. and adults can do whatever they like with their money. he doesn't exist, he isn't real, he can't be offended by this, and you shouldn't be either.

and now i have to get sensitive with it because astarions story, whether you want to think of this or not, can, and will, resonate with abused people. many kinds of people of course, but most especially abuse victims. as a victim myself, parts of his story hit just a little too close to home and hurt. now think of someone who might have it hit closer to home than it did for me, someone who finds more connection with what astarion went through and what they went through. now imagine how important astarion is to that person, his reclaiming of autonomy, his reclaiming of agency, etc. i can see someone wanting the scars as tattoos because then in their mind they can be astarion and do what astarion did. they can be closer to astarion and use that strength to survive and push through. they can feel what he felt and survive (obviously it's not the same, but it's the symbolism). unfortunately you cannot dismiss that some people may be doing it out of a place of trauma and using astarion to help them heal. i'm not arguing whether or not this is healthy, i've certainly done similar in my youth when it comes to relating to characters who have been abused, we all find our ways to cope, and we all find our places of strength.

astarion doesn't exist, he was created in a game studio with intent to make you feel shit, as established already, including intent to make you feel so strongly you want to put pieces of him on your skin forever, like, that's a compliment when it comes to making characters. if afhiri had something on her skin that signified trauma, and someone wanted to permanently put that on their skin? wow, she means that much to you? you liked her that much? that's a gods damn compliment. and i cannot see those who worked closely with astarions creation seeing it any other way.

what i can say is that when i was younger, 20-23ish, i probably would have given it an 'uh...' too, but as i grew older i realised that life is draining, it is hard, and there is no room to healthily view video game characters as any more than some code and 3d model that exist exclusively to make you feel something strong enough that you might want them with you forever, because that's the end goal, to make you feel that strongly, and if you wanna spend that hard earned money you make on putting the cool scars on your back, or the scars that make you feel so emotional that you cry on your back, do it. let the character whose made this rough existence a little easier or mean a little more do that for you, and if you wanna express it through a tattoo, do that, it's your body, your flesh.

i'm rambling on because i am so passionate in that life is too short to judge others via this. our lives are too hard already, life sucks enough as it is. the video game character doesn't give a shit if his scars are a tattoo because he's not real. who cares? why do you care? no, seriously, why do you care? does this help you? is it good for you? is judging someone else's decisions an act that brings you actual, real joy? is that how you want to spend your time? where you want to put your free thoughts? you don't know them, their reasoning, what they're going through, and it shouldn't matter. because their body has absolutely nothing to do with you, and i find it weird and uncomfortable that you cared enough about what someone else does with their body that you'd send me an anon about it.

i don't know whether you were looking for validation, or me to generally think about this critically, but i cannot encourage the mindset of caring about this more than "wow, i hope it looks good because that shit gonna be expeeeensive!!!" i cannot encourage sending people anon asks about it, it is strange to do that. this was strange! it was a strange experience and i don't like it. but i couldn't ignore it.

astarion might matter to you, personally, but he himself as a video game character, doesn't, because he isn't real, he has no feelings, he cannot be hurt or offended. but the person getting the tattoo? they're real. they're a real life person with feelings. they can be hurt, you can hurt them. you can judge them and bring them down and make them feel guilty for their choices. deciding whether you are the kind of person who'd do that to a living breathing person over a video game character is something you need to do. do you want to be that person? i know i certainly don't

[inaconstantstateofchange]

back at you though, drinks edition? a type of drink you couldn't do without, that is your go to for any occasion? give us the specific deets, recipe if needed

oh no you've activated my trap card i love drinks

okay so special occasion drink: brown sugar boba (50% ice 50% sweet) but specifically from the tea shop close-ish to my house. it's expensive so i don't go often but holy shit. they use actual proper tea and fresh-as-hell boba and it's just. it's so good, i think anything from there would be insanely worth it (but i've never bothered to branch out from perfection).

my daily bev: i can't be too specific on brand without lowkey doxxing myself a tad, but there's a local company that does this flavored black tea with cornflower, raspberry, red plum petals, and blueberry, and it's just. it's incredible. mellow and rich and lightly (but not overwhelmingly) floral and fruity. i have it every single day and i'm convinced it is the perfect tea.

and two other faves because you asked for recipes:

strawberry (cheong) lemonade: okay so this is more effort than truly necessary, but i went to one of those u-pick strawberry places last summer and then the cultivar fucking sucked so they weren't even good, so i made cheong with them, which is a korean fruit syrup/preserve you make by layering equal amounts of fruit and sugar in a jar and letting them sit (i put them in the fridge just to be safe) for a few weeks.

the end result is preserves that you can blend into a bangin' spread and a fruit syrup that is like the nectar of the fucking gods. i didn't think it would make a huge difference doing it that way rather than a typical heat-based reduction, but it tastes like fresh strawberries. you don't lose any of that to it breaking down via heat treatment, so similar to the difference between a cold brew and a heat-based one.

anyway those mixed with lemonade (i make a concentrate using half lemons and half regular lemon juice, and include some lemon zest) makes one of the best summer drinks i've ever had.

i'm adding a cut for the last one because i can't/won't stop now but i have some self-awareness. okay, last one:

vanilla chai: i haven't made this in a bit, because when i moved here i ended up using up my stock of cardamom, and the local brand available here is just... not it, and i'm still trying to work out the most cost-effective way to order them online. which is devastating, because cardamom is the flavor most beloved to me in chai. anyway-

the thing that rocks about chai is that it is not actually all that hard, and you can customize it so specifically to your taste. my go-to add-ins are cardamom (5-6 pods, crushed open), cloves (2-3), cinnamon (about half a stick, crushed a lil), fresh ginger (idk how to measure this one, like an inch or two?), and vanilla. i used to use vanilla bean paste i got ages ago as a gift, but that is too rich for the world we live in nowadays, so it's whatever vanilla i have.

technically there's a specific kind of tea you're supposed to use, but i prefer it with regular loose-leaf black tea (which i always have on hand anyway). so you basically get a small pot, and bring your water (about half to 3/4 of your mug) to a boil. once it does, add your tea leaves and spices (not vanilla tho) and let them vibe out there for 5-10 minutes.

then, add your milk (about half of your mug) and vanilla, and warm to desired temp, but don't let it boil (this is my personal preference). add desired amount of sugar to your mug (i usually do a small spoonful of white and a small spoonful of brown sugar) and pour the chai into the mug through a fine mesh sieve (to get out the spice bits). if you have a milk frother, i like to aerate it a bit before drinking (improves flavor and also makes it less likely to burn your tongue).

[foone]

Please don’t feel obligated to reply because this might be a touchy issue, but i see on one of your posts that you hate Hacker News. I just discovered HN a few months ago and have been enjoying it, but as a fellow trans person i’m curious if they’ve been transphobic or the like (based on the context of your comment) and if i should stay away

OKAY SO here's thing thing: as a reader, HN is... fine. They're not great. They have a history of sexism in what posts get boosted and a history of various shades of transphobia in the comments, but that's not particularly unusual as far as internet forums go. Reddit is much the same, for example.

My problems with HN are related to getting posted there. The way the site works when you're reading it and when you're getting posted there are very different. More explanation under the readmore since this got long. (warning: some talk of transphobia and doxxing)

The site is not avoidable. Back when I was still on twitter, getting posted on HN meant your notifications were useless for a week, because they are scraped by endless bots trying to farm for likes and reblogs, and every single one of them ends up tagging you. And even now when I'm off twitter, getting posted there means you still get informed that you've been posted there, by well-meaning people who know you hate it, or are just innocently commentating on how it's neat to see you on HN. Or hey, in the latest iteration, you find out because your askbox is now full of slurs (and not just the ones you'd expect!). Basically, it is impossible to be submitted to HN and not know about it.

And then it gets worse because it's now a known fact that I don't like being on HN. Meaning every time I AM on HN, it turns into a big debate in the comments about why I don't like HN, why I post the way I do, and people arguing with the explanation of my opinion. I'm not even there, and people are mad at the phantom of me for not doing things in the way they like.

Because how I post is part of what they always get mad at me about. I have severe ADHD: This is a well known fact about me, I post about it a lot. It means that I used to post on twitter a lot, because twitter was (at the time) one of the only sites I could post on at all: The way it makes you chop up your line of thinking into small chunks, each of which is small enough that I can focus on it. I've since managed to handle tumblr-posting, and I occasionally post on mastodon now, but for most of the time that I was posted on HN, I was posting this way, only on twitter, in long threads where I don't think much ahead or do editing/revisions BECAUSE I CAN'T.

And here's the thing about people who prefer more "traditional" geek news sites like HN: A lot of them are there because they hate the bite-size nature of sites like twitter and tiktok. And they are Not Happy with people submitting twitter threads to HN: They hate that kind of formatting of content, and announce that fact, loudly.

And then people in the comments point out that I have ADHD and can't post in the style they'd prefer (long well-edited blog posts), and then it turns into an argument there, often with people happily brining up their opinions on whether ADHD is "real" or things like that. Again, I'm getting argued about without being there to defend myself.

And this is where it gets transphobic, through the indirect route of sexism: Someone says something innocent but vaguely dickish like "well he should just hire someone to rewrite all his twitter posts as blog posts!" (like they think I am doing this as a job and can afford to pay an editor, rather than just some weirdo who rants because that's what they do). They assume I'm a man, because most of the people who get posted on HN (and especially the ones who get upvoted) are. They just assume everyone without an Obviously Female Name and a profile picture that's a photo of a smiling woman is male, and honestly they're probably right most of the time, because that's just how the gender balance on HN ends up working.

And then someone points out I use they/them pronouns, and it just goes to shit. You get people yelling that it's not their job to figure out the pronouns of everyone they're talking about, like it's a perfectly normal thing to just assume everyone is male, you get people arguing about how "he" used to be the gender neutral pronoun, you get people arguing that singular-they is ungrammatical, you get people taking offense at the very idea of they/them pronouns because "you can't force everyone to follow your religion" (as apparently either trans or non-binary is a religion now (well, I am a pope)), and then a bunch of "[post flagged]" and you can only speculate about how bad THOSE posts were, if so much other transphobia is still sitting in the comments, untouched by the supposed moderators who are supposed to delete it.

You get people calling you mentally ill, and then getting in arguments about how they mean YOU SPECIFICALLY for the crime of "wanting to not be posted on HN", and not all trans people. Because apparently the HN rules are fine with you saying "this specific trans person is mentally ill and should be locked up" as long as you don't imply that your statements also apply to trans people in general.

And then you get hate in your contact forms for days because people realize you're not active on the HN comments and need to bring the "fight" to you directly.

And frankly, this whole mess is made worse by the site's userbase treating it as a joke or something easily fixable. Like, aside from making my pronouns "obvious" (I'm not sure how, exactly? it's already in all my profiles) which wouldn't help, they want me to just move to a different site, one where I can easily block incoming links by their referrer? They always point to JWZ's blog as an example of this, but he's hosting his posts on his own site. He fundamentally is doing something very different than I am, and I really shouldn't have to CHANGE WHAT SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORMS I USE just because they're being a butt.

And treating it like a joke? oy vey! I once posted a rant on tumblr about WHY EXACTLY I don't like getting posted on HN, and guess what happened next? SOMEONE POSTED THAT THREAD ON HN.

They also have a history of getting mad at me for not wanting to be posted on HN, like it's prima-dona behavior or "egotistical". Like I should be just happy that my stuff got posted there, something that has only ever brought negative attention. I think maybe they assume I'm doing this as a job, and every time they link to my stuff, I make a bunch of money? That's not the case. I don't make any money from them. I don't have ads. This isn't my job. (Fun fact: I know at least one person who has their blog set up to show ads only when HN links to their content, and not otherwise)

I really don't know why they think it's egotistical of me to not want to get harassed, dismissed, and spammed by their site and their users. It's almost like they think it's me posting my content on HN myself, which I would never do because it doesn't aid me in any way. If I was making content for them, I would make sure it gets posted there. I'm not, so I don't. I post for the sites I post on. I could blog in a way they'd like and then post it to HN if I wanted to. I don't. I choose to tweet (in the past) or post on tumblr or post on mastodon, because I'm posting for those specific communities.

And the thing about it is that all these points are, to some extent, obvious. And people know them. Maybe not the people posting the most unthinking takes on HN, but others will point them out. So this just contributes to any HN thread on my posts turning into a big argument.

And there's always people going "WELL JUST DON'T READ THE POSTS ABOUT YOU" as if that's a reasonable option. first of all, I can't be ignorant about them, as mentioned before they kick down my door and go HEY FOONE YOU'RE ON HACKERNEWS. But more importantly, I'm trans. Do you know what happens if enough people get mad at you online? They start posting your home address, phone number, and pictures of your face and relatives. I have to stay at least SLIGHTLY aware of how the discussion on me is going, or I'll be completely surprised when someone shows up at my house with a gun. (This isn't hyperbole: I have gotten doxxed before because I made a twitter thread that got the wrong people a little too mad at me)

Anyway I've talked to the admins of the site and they have basically refused to do anything about it. They admit that they can block my posts from showing up on the site, but they don't want to because people enjoy my content. My wishes don't matter.

And anyway the epilogue is that this has mostly worked out by now. I stopped posting on twitter, not because HN was pushing me to a site where I could better control my post's reach, but because Elon destroyed it. I'm posting longer-form content now, not because my ADHD got better, but because years of training myself to write this way has made it so that I can handle writing as if I was on twitter-like sites, without the enforced restrictions of them.

And I have countermeasures against HN now. Offensive and defensive ones. I'm a little less likely to be posting Cool Tech Stuff here on tumblr now (because every time this happens it severely dampens my enthusiasm for the subject), but I'm a lot less worried that something I post will end up on HN now, as I have options. (I don't want to go into them because HN being HN, they might take preemptive counter-countermeasures to try to disarm them).

Anyway, tl;dr: it's okay if you like reading the site. my problems with it are with getting submitted there, not with reading it. As long as you don't submit my content there, that's 100% okay with me.

[liesmyth]

Okay this is weirdly specific and obvs if the answer requires doxing yourself don't answer but hjdkfg fave places to go running at? I started going on more walks and it's so fun to explore the local space!!

no worries! I'm very alright with telling people I live in Rome, a city of 3 million people. you can all have that for free etc. (actually, I'm very braggy about it. borderline obnoxious, ngl. Think the Italy equivalent of a New Yorker)

Also!!! I LOVE THIS QUESTION SO MUCH. It made me go through Strava history and dig some running pic I took.

the appia antica route!

if you (generic you) are ever in Rome, there's a lovely green area along the old Appia way that's great for running but also for picnics. My favourite local road race (coming up next month!!) is partly along that route and it's SO beautiful. It's one of those places that make you feel you're genuinely grateful you have a body to move around in and experience the wind and the sun and the mosquitoes in your teeth and the achy calves from doing a few km on cobblestones. It's a very large green area (Appia Antica / Parco degli Acquedotti / Parco di Tor Fiscale / Parco della Caffarella) and there are so many fun trails and paths.

Lungotevere / centro storico swag

Sometimes u (me) gotta flex and be like "oh, look, I live in Rome" and just plot your long run so that you end up by the Vatican or whatever. There's a route along the Tiber river that's technically a bike lane but it's large enough to run safely, and it's really fun for Sunday runs / whenever you have a bit of time to actually get there.

There are other really great running spots in central Rome like any of the parks (Villa Borghese, Villa Ada etc. and EYE don't really do it often but it's very nice)

Here's a pic! Not mine

Country roads take me home etc — Castelli Romani

Hilly towns just outside the city that have veeery fun trails and countryside views! You have to actually get there so it's a bit involved, and then once you're there you're like "why the fuck did I think running up a hill was a good idea?" but if you DO like running up hills, it's fun. I like going in the summer for longer runs and I don't bring any snacks just absolutely gorge myself on blackberries from the bushes.

My beloved neighbourhood run.

I love walking out of the door and just going for it! It's very entertaining as far as "neighbourhood routes" go. It's a decently safe area, I can stay well clear of cars, there's a car park I can do sprints in (and, occasionally, will see people fucking in cars, as one does) and some green. I wish it had a bit more elevation, but there's a stretch of road that's decently hilly so I can't complain + there are some VERY interesting characters and sights. Alas, it's within sniffing distance of a bakery AND a steakhouse, so there isn't a time of the day I can run at without getting hungry along the way, but I don't mind — I have been known to plot a route so that I finish right in front of a bakery for breakfast.

no landmark photos for obvious reasons but here are some cute birdies I saw running a few weeks ago

Holiday run!

One thing I really love to do on holiday is go run around a new city / any place I've never been in, and exploring new places while I'm at it. Some of my most beloved holiday memories are of running early in the morning in new places. Sometimes it backfires horribly and you end up on a muddy path at six thirty AM with water in your shoes and frantically trying to match your phone GPS with that of the route you downloaded yesterday, but it's usually worth it. These are a few photos I had on my phone — the beach is somewhere along lake Garda, and it's been years and I still remember that run with a lot of fondness. Also, another time I got lost in the middle of nowhere in Tuscany and ended up chatting with an incredibly MILFy American tourist who was also out running and that too is a fond memory... anyway. Holiday runs my beloved

[mcytblr-archive]

Early MCYTblr Interviews: gayminecraftmen

today's interviewee is @gayminecraftmen, a mcytblr veteran and member of dreamlying! below is a transcript of the questions and answers, today under a readmore for your scrolling convenience.

Q: What, to the best of your recollection, was your experience in early MCYTblr?

A: This is going to be very longwinded - I would say that I had a pretty unique experience during that time. I joined in early July of 2020 after being inspired by georgeeehd/tommyofcolor/lmanburg - all the same person, Reese's blog. Can't for the life of me remember what his first url was. I got my kickstart in the fandom through him, I started out as one of his anons and when I decided to make a blog of my own he gave me a shoutout. The dream team fandom was still very small at the time, so i'd say a lot of my "popularity" was only because I was one of the firsts. There was nothing truly special about what I was posting at the start of my blog, it was basically all dnf. This eventually went hand in hand with truthing, the thing I'm sure most people remember me for, and something I'll go into more detail on later.

Now, as for the more unique aspect of my time; I never looked at my dashboard. I mean, I didn't need to! All I ever needed to do was look at my notifications and people were feeding me information about what was happening in the fandom. I was 15 during my time in mcytblr, I had no real interest in building a community in the fandom if the community was seemingly being built around me. I felt like a celebrity, people in my ask box were concerningly parasocial towards me - I've got some old screenshots of asks that still creep me out a bit. It was all a huge unhealthy ego boost that made me very manic at times. Anyway - because I rarely even checked other people's blogs at the time, I'm a pretty unreliable source when it comes to anything but my own experience. I ended up deactivating on March 13th 2021 because I hadn't been genuinely into mcyt since.. I want to say October or even September of 2020 and my blog had been losing traction since the start of 2021. It just wasn't fun for me anymore.

Q: What was the general fandom attitude towards creators? More specifically, has the attitude around "boundaries" evolved since then?

A: Like I said I can't really speak on the general fandom, but I can say that in my circle the general concensus was "they're celebrities, they'll never see us, who cares?" I mean, it was tumblr, there were no creators around to see us talk about them. There was truly no worry of any consequences. For my truthing circle specifically, if you saw gay, you said gay. Later on down the line I realized that no, dream and george are not planning their honeymoon in Barcelona, but it ended up being funnier to continue the bit than denounce it altogether.

Q: I recall that you were part of "dreamlying". What was that like? (and, as an aside; is it odd to be considered infamous within a tumblr fan community?)

A: Dreamlying was, and still is, just a friend group. That's literally it. Yes, it's a friend group infamous for doxxing, and truthing, and starting a number of rumors, but still, it's not like we were constantly scheming the next big heist. You can find a number of posts detailing the origins of our group on roxytonic's blog, all conveniently tagged as "#dreamlying" so I won't get into all that at the risk of being redundant. And yes, it's incredibly weird to me that people still consider us to be infamous. Myself, especially as I actually only had a bit over 500 followers. (granted, I am aware that many people checked my blog without following and even more had me blocked). I think my least favorite part about it all is all the lies that other people tell about us. Like, while going through your blog I saw a post where someone had said I was the one who wrote the SBI crit post, a post i hadn't even known existed until I saw you talking about it! As far as I know, whoever wrote that post never had anything to do with dreamlying, and they certainly weren't a member at any point. Yes, we are partially to blame for spreading a bunch of lies about ourselves for fun, but to see just how much that spiraled out of our hands is astounding.

Q: Are there any specific dramas/discourse that you remember from the "dreamlying" era?

A: The dreamlying hijink that I think is the most infamous was the leaking of the fact that dream wasn't registered to vote. This was veeerry early on, and wasn't even a group effort, (as far as I remember nothing pertaining to doxxing ever was. It was usually just one member going off on an internet excursion on their own and sharing with the class as they went). I don't even think dreamlying had even been formed yet, or it was incredibly early. Either way, that can be attributed to Reese, as I'm sure many people remember. Finding this out was as simple as going into Florida's voting records and searching up Dream's name, something that had been doxxed by others beforehand. Frankly, I still don't understand why this was such a big deal to people.

My personal favorite dreamlying happenings were the more absurd rumors that we had started. My personal favorite being that dream's legal team sent a cease and desist to dreamwasfound/georgesoot for defamation of character, which was what we told people was the reason for his deactivation. It's insane to me that anyone ever believed that for even a second. Another favorite, one that never really caught on with the public, was that Ranboo was an ex member of dreamlying. That one was never stated outright but I remember a few subtle hints being thrown out. Sadly, I don't think anyone took the bait on that one.

Q: Moving on from dreamlying-- you mentioned being part of "ebblr" [enderbees tumblr]. Was that different from your experience in previous fringe communities?

A: Not to stroke my own ego, but I do think I had a large part in the creation of ebblr. A lot of the larger ebblr bloggers were my anons at one point. I would say the main difference in my time discussing enderbees, was that I never watched a single tubbo or ranboo stream. Every single piece of information that I had to go off of was sent to me through asks. I barely made any original posts on the topic, again mostly just responding to asks. I remember when people were first trying to think of a name for the ship, I jokingly proposed the name "boobees." I got sent death threats for that.

Q: What do you remember from that time?

A: The enderbees timeline is endlessly hilarious to me. I can't remember all of the specifics but I do recall there being a decently specific timeline of their relationship that people agreed upon. What I remember the most though was when Ranboo came to live with Tubbo for awhile on a visa (unrelated: I believe there was also serious talk of him committing tax fraud with said visa). At the point of the visit, people were already convinced they were dating. It seemed that Ranboo was a pretty ungrateful guest and I believe he ended up leaving early. That's when people started theorizing the breakup. It was later revealed on a stream that Tubbo had Ranboo muted on twitter - this really cemented things. I think people even outside of ebblr could see that their relationship was rocky after that trip, they weren't doing streams together much at all and their friend groups seemed to divide. Again, all of this information was fed to me secondhand, so I may be missing a few beats or be hyperbolizing some things, but this is how it seemed to me as far as I can remember.

Q: Is there anything else you'd like to speak on/about?

A: Don't believe anything about dreamlying that doesn't come directly from a member's mouth (roxytonic's blog being an outlier in this case). Second-hand accounts are essentially useless here, considering how much we lied, or "poisoned the well" as roxy put it. So, unless you're specifically looking to gather information on how we were percieved, most of what you're gonna find on us is simply untrue. If anyone happens to be reading this interview and has more questions, I am probably open to answering them as long as they aren't too prying! My inbox on gayminecraftmen is always open, and I really do love talking about my experiences in this fandom.

[allthishumanityforfree]

im glad someone else has brainrot abt these two being inlove as badly as i do. i saw one photo of them in november and that's all it took. i looked at them and it seemed so blatant

I know everyone moved on except Paul and Andrew, but I can't stop thinking about them. Without doxing myself, I had heard some stuff from people I know and I saw the Freedom video on TikTok.

The Graham Norton appearance really cemented it for me, that was a couple. Then I read and saw more and yep, fairly sure something is going on there. Which photo was it?

6 months ago, I didn't vibe with RPF and didn't really get Paul Mescal's appeal. Imagine.

[meraki-yao]

You don't have to post it if you don't want to, you can also block me or delete it's ok, I just need to vent because this situation is hitting rock bottom and I can't stand how people don't want to see the problem:

In short: there is a video of the q&a where the female producer gets Casey pronouns wrong when talking about them. It's totally ok to point this out and give respect that Casey deserves BUT who was given the main blame? Taylor obviously, despite him also using the right pronouns during the panel, is guilty of not correcting the woman in front of everyone so he's bad again.

But this time we're not talking about that handful of idiot Nick fans, we're talking about the rwrb fandom that says they love him so much but once again for the umpteenth time they threw him under the bus without thinking twice even though he had no fault. And it will be the third time that the same fandom has exaggerated something against him, subsequently causing serious problems ( like racism and homophobia and doxxing which took place in december where everyone then washed their hands of it pretending nothing happened and they did nothing wrong)

And I'm so tired of reading that we just have to ignore that social because that social is the most active and followed and we know Taylor a few days ago saw stuff and posted and today Casey saw and posted a story. That social causes damage and everything they bring there is seen and affects all of them. So no it's not enough to ignore and put our hands over our eyes and just talk about how beautiful the sky is and I'm so tired and sad and heartbroken because every day even unconsciously they make it more and more evident that there isn't the same affection and respect for both, it's not true, one will always be seen with a critical eye "yes you are beautiful, perfect, so sexy, wow how beautiful these photos BUT you are a bit problematic, BUT you should be better than that, BUT you should learn better, oh disappointed but not surprised" and it is obviously always the poc man who has to be better who has to do better even when he does absolutely nothing wrong.

And this comes from the people who say they follow him and love him. It's no longer possible, that man has been attacked every single day for months, now he must also fall into the transphobic category because he didn't correct another person in front of everyone even though HE had used the right pronouns. But do we realize that this shit fucks up your mental health in the long run? But why doesn't anyone realize how serious the situation is? I cannot take it anymore and I feel like I'm screaming into the void and witnessing the moment when everything will get worse and fall apart and then we will be here sad because it didn't have to go that way for him

…Woah.

Jesus Christ what the fuck.

Okay um, here we go. This is a monster of response to write but here I am.

I’m gonna start by saying I am not a direct witness of any of this. I didn’t know about the misgendering issue during the Q&A, I didn’t really notice it when I watched the Q&A myself yesterday. I’m not on twitter and I don’t follow or look at Taylor or Nick’s tags. All insults I seen regarding the boys are either from assholes trying to bother me or from people who want to talk about the phenomena, both in my inbox.

Regarding misgendering Casey:

Firstly I’m gonna state the obvious and say of course it’s a bad thing to misgender someone. Don’t do that

However I will also say this.

In regards to the extent of reaction: it’s not always done in malice. And in this case, I think it’s a genuine slip up, which happens. I had to consciously remind myself to deliberately use the right pronouns after my friend came out to me as non-binary. I had to correct my friend using the wrong pronouns when talking about our mutual non-binary student. It’s not ideal, but it happens. It’s not mean, it’s just careless. And please note that I’m not saying it’s ok to misgender someone, no it’s absolutely not but I also don’t think this case calls for a big reaction.  If someone maliciously, deliberately, publicly and repeatedly misgenders someone, that’s problematic, that should be called out by the masses to this extent. This, we should acknowledge, make a note, and move on. I think there’s some cases where the reaction to certain issues are massively disproportional, this is one of them.

In regards to Taylor not correcting Sarah and being targeted for it: Firstly, Taylor didn’t misgender them, Sarah did. Taylor used the right pronouns. In fact when they hung out in New York last August, Taylor used the right pronouns on his Instagram story. Secondly, he might not have picked that up. Thirdly, even if he did, it’s awkward to suddenly cut off a monologue, let alone one from friend or not, is someone on a higher level than you, to correct a mistake that doesn’t directly affect comprehensive. Fourthly, bystanders are encouraged to step into situations, but they’re certainly not obligated to. So placing the blame or putting so much blame on Taylor is ridiculous and unfair.

In regards to Casey’s Instagram story: I understand where the connection comes from but honestly… I think there’s also a possibility that that’s just a post that Casey saw and wanted to share without reference to this issue. They don’t have Twitter, and it’s been several days since the screening. Truthfully, everyone involved seems really friendly with each other, and how this very project is advocating for LGBT rights, I don’t really believe that if they were aware of the misgendering, they wouldn’t apologize to Casey.

So replying to the “You don’t have to post it…” anon, I agree that putting any blame on Taylor is kind of ridiculous in this case, just like what happened in December. I think there’s a portion of “fans” that are fucking around with this and genuinely hurting him, but there might also be a portion of people who have a problematic/complicated perception of this type of situation, and it’s not targeted specifically towards Taylor. Either way I disapprove with what they’re doing, but here’s a hypothesis.

Regarding the damage these stuff causes:

I’ve addressed the insults thrown at Taylor multiple times by now. And I kind of agree with “I hate that there are idiots…” anon that really disgusting insults thrown at Nick tend to be overlooked, it’s not like there’s no Nick haters, there is. But because of the inherent racism, attacks on Taylor are much more obvious. Either way it’s cruel and disgusting and the boys don’t deserve to be thrown insults like that, nor do they deserve to have people enact cruelty in their name. Rarely is anyone deserving of that, and in the case of these two boys who have been proven to kind and wonderful people, it’s definitely wrong.

I’m tired of reading and seeing these bullshit on social media as well, which is why I actively avoid it, but “You don’t have to post it” anon, I definitely understand and share your worries of this fucking up the boys mental health.

But the sad truth is that we can’t decide what he can see and what he can’t. We’re just gonna need to trust him, to believe that he knows how to regulate the exposure of response he gets, that he knows what comments matter and what don’t, that he knows how to take care of his mental health. He actively avoids twitter, so I think he has an idea on what he can engage with an what he shouldn’t. Same goes with Nick, all we can do is believe he knows his mental health and how to regulate it. Meanwhile, those of us who aren’t assholes, we’ll show them all the love we have for him. I think public figures all struggle with this to some extent, so when they stepped into this career, I believe they saw this as a possibility, so they’re prepared to some degree. That doesn’t make any of this okay, but again, ultimately, we’re not people directly in their lives. We can’t do anything else practical.

Ultimately I want to say, be kind, compassionate and considerate. We can’t control what others do, and truth be told when it comes to the majority of the haters, I don’t think calling them out will change anything. They have their mind set. So the best we can do, is manage and control what we say and do, and to some degree, what we see and engage with.

[askpokeeosin]

Has this been killed and subsumed by Ask Quarantined Redheart?

Okay, I do feel like this does need to be addressed. The short answer is not quite but Ask Poke Eosin specific posts continuing forward are going to require a major change in the blog. Keep reading for the very long, probably rambling answer.

When I started the blog, I was on my holiday break after my first semester of my first year of medical school. My mental health wasn't quite in the toilet but it was getting pretty close. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was struggling to get my studying flow down while still maintaining my hobbies, especially drawing. Couple that with getting depressed/burned out right at the end of that semester while binging Firestarter Spitfire/The Sunjackers and the decision to make this ask blog came about mid-ish December 2022. So I have this blog to thank a lot for helping to make my drawing hobby more consistent.

Now comes the part where I have to take an honest look at what I meant for it to be and where I'm at now. The original intent of the blog was to be this sort of educational blog about the current state of evidence based medicine and stuff that happens/happened to me during medical school, training, and onwards. That second part is the biggest problem. Poke is essentially me, the mod. The "Clinical Quiz" arc from a year or so back is something that happened to me and the way I (mostly) present it is how I tell the story to people in real life. While I doubt any of my colleagues care enough to dig deep for this blog, I still am dancing a little too close to doxing myself with the way the blog is currently.

Perhaps most importantly, I started my third year rotations back in the beginning of August. Pretty much the culmination of all the basic science lectures from the first two years, finally seeing actual patients! I soon realized, though, that I can't present these patients to the masses of the internet, even if they've been redrawn as cute technicolored magical ponies. Not just because of HIPAA issues but just because of the fact that just by going to the doctor and having a medical student like me asking them questions that they'd never answer in any other context. They are vulnerable and I feel like it would be unethical to present them as entertainment. I wouldn't necessarily be against drawing patient presentations but I would seriously need to figure out how to do it without revealing too much.

And finally, perhaps a more selfish reason: I feel like folks like Quarantined Redheart more. The project got its inspiration from a pharmacology lecture about tuberculosis medications during my second year. The fact that TB patients are required to quarantine for at least two months, Rifampin's red/orange body fluid quirk and it causing certain drugs to be metabolized faster, and a third plot point that I won't reveal just yet all came from that lecture. Originally, Quarantined Redheart was supposed to be a side project. The more I worked on it and the more that I fleshed out the plot and its characters, the more I came to love working on it to the point that I'd hesitate to call it a side project anymore. It also gave me the opportunity to say some stuff about the current state of healthcare that I feel like I couldn't do with what is essentially a self insert OC. Seeing that people really do seem to like the story that's being told made turning Quarantined Redheart into the main project a little easier. Is that a great reason to focus one's attentions on a project? Probably not. But it's also the curse of the artist: I draw what I want but the Notes notifications on my dash also lets serotonin stay in the synaptic cleft a little bit longer.

So is Ask Poke Eosin dead? I'm hesitant to say "yes" on that. I think there'll be more shitposts and random educational stuff than any of the full blown patient care stories that I originally thought I'd be doing. But I need to figure that stuff out for sure. Is Ask Poke Eosin dead? Nah. It's just hibernating right now.