#I can't even get my words straight I simply don't know how to describe the harm he put into so many of his videos

[artioprotection]

Jame Somerton is awful but I really wanna say the anger I feel over the flat out lies about the very actively harmful politics of JK R*wling to justify and write off concerns people have about still giving her money. Saying she actually had a very pro trans streak till recently is just flat out erasing the very real harm she pointed towards trans woman all the way back to 2016 that people have been trying to bring awareness to before she flat out said it now with the edge of spreading harmful lies about trans men. These lies are made to make people that still give her money or want to not think about her pass works implications shrug off any self reflection and also the very real pain me and other trans people feel when talking to others about the harm she does to the trans community. When I tell people that it's not ok to be buying licence Harry Pot merch and give money to a video game that lead developer abused a women because there's better things out there that doesn't directly fund the harm of my community a James Somerton ass talking points come out about "who's to really say what's goin' on" and the infantilizing of a grown woman that's asking for me and my friends to disappear not really being that bad when she's very much a hand directing englands politics.

That man does a lot of downplay to lying about the harm other queers face that aren't a gay cis man. This part showed me how much of it was just for his own benefit. He wants to not think and eat up JK garbage so he's gonna lie or believe anything that's saying it's not a big deal.

[queers-gambit]

I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good

prompt: ( requested ) basking in the sunshine, breathing fresh air, bare skin tickled by tall grass, and Felix, who can't focus on the Half Blood Prince when his girl's got his full blooded attention.

pairing: Felix Catton x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Saltburn

word count: 2.3k+

note: i wrote this in an hour 'cause, you know, brainrot.

warnings: slight request variation (you'll see), there's probably cursing. anyways, suggestive language, no real spoilers, slight Ollie slander, college kids doing drugs, and no HP spoilers for those who haven't read.

All you could smell was his expensive cologne, barely breaking a sweat under the summer sun as he remained wrapped around you like a child did their mother on the first day of school. You were never one for suffocating affection nor clingy behavior, something leftover from childhood, but with your boyfriend, you craved it; and he knew it. He took advantage of it.

"Are you even listening or are you too busy trying to identify the smell of my shampoo?"

"Hmm? Yeah, yeah, 'M listenin', love, uh, you know, something about... Harry doing something stupid, yeah?"

You snorted lightly, head tilting back to look up at your boyfriend's amused expression. "A lucky guess - 'cause Harry's always doing some dumb shit."

"Yeah, you know, there's a reason he wasn't considered for Ravenclaw."

"Don't be mean, we all have our strengths and weaknesses," you gently reprimanded. "So he's not the smartest guy ever, but he's brave as hell, isn't he?"

"Has to be, being a Gryffindor and all."

"I doubt we would've done half this shit at 16."

"Totally right, we had other worries - like our first pregnancy scare."

"Felix!"

"What, doll face? Huh? C'mon, what's the quote? I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!"

"Oh, you absolute cheesy fuck!"

His laugh could've echoed across the field, the two of you laid out on an oversized blanket; crushing the long grass surrounding his home, Saltburn. 'Home' always felt so mundane when describing the freaking castle his family inhabited; after all, his father, Sir James, was literally knighted - making the Cattons feel larger than life. You'd known the family for over a decade now, meeting Venetia on your first day of school when a rude boy smacked your lunch tray right out of your hands, being inducted to their family almost straight away.

As it turned out, your mother and father were friendly with Sir James and his wife, Elspeth Catton, and after only a month in your new town, you were invited to Saltburn for a family meal.

It became a monthly occurrence.

And when you started dating Felix when you were both 15, it was like life was simply alining with the stars. Destiny being fulfilled. Fate smiling on you both.

Your parents tried to play off the relationship, but after you turned 16, they realized how serious you two seemed about each other. And when you both decided to attend Oxford together (rejecting your father's alma mater, the University of Edinburgh), your mother made constant jibes about your wedding. At first, it was just a few, little, sometimes funny, but mostly harmless comments here and there, and then it escalated to full-on conversations between your mothers.

Like they had flowers and color scheme picked out, deciding on hosting at Saltburn, even debating wedding dress ideas! Your mother wanted something lacy, Elspeth wanted something form fitting and "sexy" - being where their opinions clashed and the conversation elevated to near arguments.

Anyways, laying on the blanket in the field, alone, became a regular occurrence for you and Felix once you realized the absolute HOLD the Harry Potter series had on you both. Where the brother and sister had matching HP star tattoos on their hands, that had convinced you to get a set of three stars - your only tattoo, nestled behind your left ear. Venetia technically got you into the series, letting you borrow the first book, and then gifting you each book once published; but it was more like a "tradition" to read them with Felix.

See, when you were younger, you had a stutter that made you wildly insecure, but reading out loud helped you work through it. Was it a perfect system? Of course not, but your boyfriend was adamant that it'd help - and eventually, it did. So much so, you received top marks in each of your public speaking or debate classes, something the Catton's still praised you over.

Felix liked listening, and the times you got a little tongue-tied and frustrated, he would take over to let you a small reprieve. Today was no different, laid in the field, the grass tickling your bare feet and calves as the sun soaked into your bare skin. Either of you only wore a pair of sunglasses, Felix sat up on his elbow to support your body laid against his; his fingers dancing light patterns over whatever body part he could reach. Currently, it was your hip.

He laid quick kisses where he could, whispered sweet nothings in your ear, used his teeth to nibble your flesh. Anything to make you trip over your words, like the little shit he was.

You felt your breathing shift when Felix's lips and tongue ghosted up your neck, sweeping stray strands of hair from your shoulder before his fingertips were ghosting over your collarbone and down your chest to tweak your nipple. The cold of his bracelets and watch on your sticky skin felt like a drastic contrast to the warmth of the day.

"You're infuriating, I'm trying to read," you scolded, swatting his hand away; but smirking in amusement that assured him you weren't truly annoyed.

"Roll over, sweetheart, I needa rest my arm," he muttered in your ear, licking the shell - making you squirm with a small giggle.

"Can you behave? For once?"

"How can I? When you look like this? I mean, Goddamn, I really got the prettiest girl, don't I?" He smirked, watching you lift off his chest to roll onto your stomach; perched on your elbows. "Now, that's a sight, might be my favorite," he grinned, bringing his hand down to smack one of your arse cheeks - palming the flesh tightly, giving a jiggle for his amusement.

"Felix!" You squealed, fully anticipating this treatment; trying to hide your full-teeth grin.

"C'mon, love, let's get a bit naughty," he teased. "Oliver doesn't get here for another two days, we're not gonna be alone much longer."

You scoffed lightly, "You're the one who had to befriend The Clinger."

"Oi, c'mon now, tellin' me t'be nice about Harry? Don't call him that, love, he's just a lonely chap. Needs a friend."

You hummed, readjusting the book under you. "He's a bit creepy, Fi," you admit. "I mean, he stares - like a lot. And remember I told you, I saw him looking through your dorm window that one night?"

He sighed, "He was just drunk, love, we've been over this."

"You're so quick to excuse him," you noted, offering him a bewildered look as he readjusted to lean over your back. His head nuzzled between your shoulder blades, letting a hand pet down the slope of your spine; forcing a small tremor through your muscles.

"He's got no one else."

"Doesn't mean he needs you, my sweet boy. Honestly, you stretch yourself too thin. Maybe if you focused less on these so-called friends and more on your studies...?"

"I appreciate the worry, babygirl," he mused, laying three kisses to your shoulders, "but it's all right, got you quizzing me nightly. Swear, you know my coursework better than I do. And besides, you're the one who says there's no such thing as too many friends."

"Hm," you let your eyes roll slightly, "I was obviously high when I said that and probably didn't mean bloody Oliver."

"Speaking of," he grinned, reaching for the rucksack he brought with you; now hosting your clothes, but also carrying the Altoid tin he used to store pre-rolled joints.

"Are you even listening to the story anymore, baby?"

"Of course I am, toots, I can multi-task." You hummed in response, waiting for him to finish lighting up before continuing onto a new paragraph; feeling him shift on your back. But you faltered when smoke blew against your cheek, Felix's lips descending a moment later to noisily smooch your skin. "You're so fucking pretty," he mumbled.

"I think you have ADHD."

"We knew that."

"Maybe you need something for that."

"Because I'm not listening to Harry Potter?"

"I knew it!" You laughed, shivering again when his free hand drew up your spine to nestle in your hair; handing you the joint with the other. "Fi, you're still distracting me," you moaned slightly, leaning your head back into his touch - contradicting your own words.

"You're doin' great, love," he grinned, licking the skin behind your ear, at your tattoo. "Keep goin', c'mon, I wanna hear what happens next."

"You're gonna reread this chapter when I go to bed, aren't you?"

Felix paused, "Maybe."

You grunted, dropping your head to the book before lifting it again and taking an inhale from the joint. Felix grinned at you in mischief, rolling over onto his back; hand behind his head as he stared up at you. You shook your head at him, handing the joint over before shuffling so you were laid on his chest with the book spread open in one hand.

"Love?" He mumbled.

"Hmm?" You glanced at him.

"Maybe... Uh, yeah, maybe start the chapter over? I'm a bit lost," he snickered, coughing when you tisked at him and offered a slightly annoyed look. "C'mon, baby, you can't tell me you were totally focused, either! You love me touching you, I can see it on your face."

To prove his point, the arm he had wrapped around you drifted to, once more, take a handful of your ample bottom - causing you to gasp slightly.

But you pouted, "I kinda want to finish this chapter, baby."

"And I'm distracting you?"

"Obviously."

Felix laughed, "Spot on Professor Snape, baby."

"If I read like Snape the rest of the chapter, will you pay attention to me?"

"You know what? I don't know, that voice is kinda a turn on... Everything you do is a turn on, doll."

"You'd think the consistent fucking we do would rein in your hormones."

"Nah," he tutted, squeezing his hand, "not when I got a girl like you, gettin' me all riled up. I mean, Half-Blood Prince, who? Got me full blooded, right here." You chuckled when he glanced at his cock, folding the book closed and deflating onto his chest and accepting the joint again. "Oh, c'mon, don't stop, 's just gettin' good!"

"You were calling Harry stupid literally 5 minutes ago."

"Come off it, when isn't he?"

"When he's fighting Voldemort?"

"Hm," he considered, tucking his hand into your hair to massage your scalp; gently pulling through your hair. "You might have a point."

"And now Dumbledore's - "

"Hey, hey, no spoilers!"

"It's not a spoiler if you were listening to me!"

"I'm always listening," he whined, you blowing smoke across his abdomen; watching his abs contract from the slight tickle; his cock bobbing from the movement and making you flush with heat not from the sun. "You're just so much more interesting, hmm?" He mumbled.

"Hey, hey. Flattery gets you everywhere with me," you teased, loving the easiness of his smile. "C'mon, pretty boy, your turn."

He took the joint from you, watching you try to pull back - but tightening his arm. "Stay here, love havin' you close," he mumbled, placing the joint to his mouth and reaching for the book again. Not wanting his arm to retract from your form, you reached up to take the joint from him; listening as he went back to the beginning of the chapter while your leg hiked up his hips.

Every other puff, you fed Felix the joint until there was nothing left; wee small roach being stubbed out in the dirt, leaving you two relaxed, high, and laid over one another as he continued to lazily read. But his hand still traced invisible patterns over your skin, the warmth of the sun making you sweat, but the way your boyfriend touched you made you shiver.

He knew you loved it, yet didn't so much as stutter on a single word when his smirk would grow feeling your reactions to his touches.

At the end of the chapter, he glanced down at you and let his lips follow; tightening his arm to bring you in closer, leaving repeated kisses on your forehead. You squirmed closer, giggling and bringing your hand up to hook around the back of his neck, directing him to your lips as he rolled over so you were on your back and he was hovering over you. "You're distracting me, now, li'l minx," he teased.

"Oh, how unfair, what ever shall you do?"

He chuckled, pecking your lips twice more, then asking, "Another chapter or...?"

"Yes, one more chapter," you laughed, "but then we're gonna have to head back up, your mum wanted my help with something."

"Oh, she's got you some new dresses she wants you to try," he relaid.

"I thought she stopped doin' that?"

"She loves spoiling you," Felix eased. "And Venetia stopped letting Mum dress her, so, you know... Here, you read this one."

You agreed, letting him readjust so he was sat up again, keeping you between his spread legs so he could peer down at the book from over your shoulder. Was it distracting, feeling his fully blooded cock at your back? Absolutely. Was it mildly erotic for you to ignore it and continue reading - as if his warmth wasn't making you wet? Also, yes.

"Fi," you whispered when his lips danced across your shoulder. "Distracting me, again," you half-scolded.

"You're doin' great, love," he chuckled.

But he didn't stop, it was like he was turning himself on (more) by his soft, gentle touches; and being spurred onward when he noted the way your chest heaved when your breath changed.

"Keep goin'," he whispered in your ear, dragging his hands up to cup either bare breast and swipe his thumbs around your nipples to stiffen them into peaks.

"Felix - "

"Don't stop," he encouraged, "'s real endearing the way you're tryna fight this."

"You try to get between me and Potter one more time, we're going on a sex strike."

There was a pause as you looked up at him, both sharing growing grins before bursting into echoing laughter that Venetia heard from one of the loungers close to the house. She grinned to herself, turning the page of her own Half-Blood Prince book.

requesting rules and masterlist

Saltburn masterlist

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

An Analysis of Gman in Half Life: Alyx

HL:A Gman is by far the most interesting version of Gman I've seen and I've noticed so many details in his one interaction with Alyx, to the point I needed to make a full post about all the bullet points. (Note that this is MY personal interpretation, so it could be different from what was intended or what other people believe)

Starting from the very beginning, when Alyx asks whether Gman is Gordon Freeman or not, he responds in a kind of. Condescending way.

It's almost like he's amused by the fact he was mistaken for Gordon. not to mention the use of "Imprison" in the statement, almost as if he's not only making a snide remark towards Gordon, but also implying that even he sees Gordon's employment as "imprisonment". Not to mention the implication that it really does not take that much to hold Gordon captive in one way or another. Could also be literal, meaning Gordon isn't near powerful enough to require a full Vault be built around him.

A: "So. Who are you?"

Alyx asks a very simple question cause. why wouldn't she be confused? She expected a super-weapon; she expected Gordon Freeman, so when she found nothing but a man in a suit who straight up scoffs at the misunderstanding, of COURSE she'd want to ask questions. However, Gman only responds with:

Gman deflects the question, but rather than completely ignoring it, he simply leads it into a new question: "What can I offer you?"

He guides the conversation to a different topic, luring Alyx away from questioning who, or what, he is, whether it's because he doesn't want to (or can't) give an answer, or if it's because he simply wants the conversation to move forward rather than being caught on the nature of Gman himself.

G: "Some believe the fate of our world is Inflexible. My Employers disagree."

This statement is funny in an ironic way. he states that fate is flexible and can be changed, yet. When was the last time Gman didn't have full say on what can and will happen? By making everything go a very specific way, you CREATE fate.

G: "They authorize me to… nudge things in a particular direction from time to time. What would YOU want nudged, Ms. Vance?"

The use of word "Nudge" is an interesting way to describe changing things within the timeline. though something else that's interesting is his facial expressions during this moment.

He looks almost. Kind. but in a forced sort of way. It feels like he's expecting a certain answer from Alyx, and is just waiting for her to say it.

However, when she says she wants the combine off earth, his expression changes.

The change in expression implies that Alyx's answer was not the one he wanted or hoped for. Thus, he once again ignores what Alyx said and gives his own reasons for it.

G: "Ahhh. That would be a considerably large nudge. Too large, given the interests of my employers."

Rather than giving Alyx a second chance at a more reasonable request however, he instead says:

G: "What if I could offer you something you don't know you want?"

It finally clicks together why Gman's there: To make a deal. Whatever Alyx said before this moment was completely irrelevant. No matter what Alyx requested to have "Nudged", he would have brought up his own offer. He had already mapped out how the conversation was going to end even before Alyx had even begun speaking to him. It was just a matter of getting there.

Gman showing Alyx her fathers death was an intentional and targeted choice. Alyx is a little more naïve here than she is in HL2, not to mention her close relationship to Eli. Eli is one of the only people she has left at this point in her life, so. Why wouldn't she want to save him? This is exactly the reason Gman chose this event in particular above anything else, because he knew it was an offer Alyx would NEVER say no to. He knows Alyx more than she knows herself, and had already predicted the outcome of the situation. So, understandably, Alyx kills the Advisor in place of her father's life.

This line. This line is so interesting to me in particular. Rather than describing Eli as a "person" or "human", and describing the dead Advisor as something "alien", he refers to both as "entities." almost as if he sees both of them on the same wavelength of sorts. It implies Gman sees no difference between a human and an animal, or alien of some kind. Sees them all as simply that. Entities.

Yet another example of Gman deflecting the questions given to him, guiding the conversation instead towards Alyx herself.

G: "A previous hire has been unable — or unwilling — to perform the tasks laid before him. We have struggled to find a suitable replacement. Until now."

Him referring to Gordon in this way is interesting to me. Was the sudden wish to drop Gordon from employment due to the Vortigaunt intervention in HL2 Episode 1? Was it because Gordon was truly incapable of fulfilling certain "tasks"? Or maybe it was because Gordon was not as vulnerable to Gman's influence? It's unclear, and it's also not clear whether this means Gordon is fully free of Gman's control or not.

At this point it's made crystal clear that Alyx killing the advisor in place of her father was a contract she was signing, one she didn't even know she held the pen to. This was always going to be the outcome of the interaction, since the beginning. Everything Alyx had done up to that point was to help Gman and his "Employers" get further in their goals now that Gordon was deemed "Incapable". Nothing that Alyx could have done would've mattered; her "fate" was decided from the beginning.

Overall what I gather from this ending is a lot about Gman as a character. He never truly lies, yet he purposefully leaves out important details, such as the fact that reversing Eli's death wasn't without a price. He manipulates the conversation to fit his wants and needs, ignoring direct questions he sees as unimportant to his goals. And the thing is, he does it in a way that Alyx doesn't even seem to notice. He has played this game so many times that he knows exactly what moves to play. He knows the people he talks to more than they know themselves. He uses their worst fears against them to make them go to him for safety.

Judging by the things Gordon survived in Black Mesa, you can gauge he had a strong will to survive. So what better to do to seal a deal than to threaten that life he cares so much about? To tell him that the only other option was to go under Gman's employment else he face death itself? Alyx had such a strong connection to her father, so what better to do than to tell her that Eli will die if she doesn't do anything, luring her in to sign a contract without even knowing what she was signing?

Gman is a master manipulator, no better words for it. And he always manages to do it in such a way that you can barely even notice it happening. He never raises his voice. he never shows irritation or hostility aside from only one instance. Because why should he be frustrated? He's won even before the game started. And honestly that is frightening to me, cause it shows that he's done this many times before and knows just how to get what he and his "Employers" want, regardless of how it effects other people.

[jinnie-ret]

Hiii I was wondering if you could possibly do a skz reaction to their s/o having angel fangs (like the piercing) like maybe they get them done without telling them or just them dating who has them if you're okay with it ofc, thank you for taking your time to read my request. I understand if you don't want to do it :] have a good day/ night

skz reaction to s/o with angel fangs

genre: fluff, angst if you squint

content warnings: none

word count: 1.3k

This is my first ever time writing a reaction fic so I hope you enjoy it!! :)))

I really enjoyed doing this one! Hope you have a good day/night too my lovely <3

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

MAIN MASTERLIST

Bang Chan

Chan loved his sweet girlfriend so so much. He thought you were the kindest person in the world and all he could ever think when he saw you was how sweet you are. Next to your shy temperament, you stood out in a different way to him with your silver angel fangs piercing.

"How can you be so cool and cute at the same time?" he admired you from where you were both cuddled on the sofa in the recording studio.

"Channie..." you blushed, hiding your face. He thought you'd be used to his compliments by now after being together for two years but no.

"I'm serious! It's making my brain... malfunction," he said, staring up at the ceiling as he tried to gather his thoughts.

"That's a good thing, right?" you boldly asked him, smiling.

"I can't with you, you're going to be the death of me," he squeezed you tighter in his arms.

Lee Know

Your boyfriend has his own quirks, his own habits that you had noticed ever since you met him, and one of them was poking the tips of your angel fangs. He was always pressing the pads of his fingers into the spikes.

"My little vampire girlfriend," he cooed as he didn't even look you in the eyes but stared at your lips and the jewellery adorning it.

"I'm not little," you rolled your eyes.

"Okay, okay I get it, 'careful I bite' and all that stuff your normally say," he teased, ruffling your hair as you groaned.

"If anything you're the vampire, it's like you want your fingers to bleed or something you weirdo," you folded your arms and rolled your eyes at him jokingly.

"You're not scary," he simply smirked back at your attempt to pretend to be angry, and that caused you both to crack a smile, the admiration you had for each other clear to see.

Changbin

He hadn't said anything yet. It had been 2 hours since you got back from the piercing studio and he'd said nothing.

"Sooooo, have you noticed?" you suddenly turned to him, making him choke on his glass of water.

"Of course I have! just didn't know what to say straight away..." Changbin said, deep in thought after recovering from the water incident.

"You don't like them?" you twiddled your thumbs awkwardly, sensing he didn't like them and he had kept himself quiet to not say anything that might hurt your feelings. At least he had your best interests in mind.

"No I love them... there's just too many words to describe how perfect you are," he turned you to face him, hand gently stroking your chin.

Oh.

So he did like them.

"Well, we've got time," you shrugged confidently, causing his hand to drop from your face as he whined.

"Stoppp! I was being cute!"

Hyunjin

He has just come back from dance practice and you were chilling in his room waiting to see him. You had just gotten the angel fangs piercing done today, and were expecting Hyunjin back anytime and wanted to see his reaction.

"Are we having a hotness competition or what?" he dropped his duffle bag with spare clothes on the floor, watching you relaxed on his bed.

"There's no competition, baby," you winked at him in an over the top way, making him giggle as he laid down next to you and admired them, caressing your cheek slowly with his hand as he analysed your face, like he was trying to burn it into his memory.

"You're staring," you whispered.

"Can't help it," he placed a chaste kiss upon your lips and pulled back to keep staring.

"You're like a magpie," you giggled, and he playfully whacked you on the arm as he rolled away from you and covered his face with his hand.

"You're such an idiot, Y/N!" he cackled.

Han

You walked back into the dorms, ready to see your boyfriend and surprise him, yet he seemed to have spotted you before you could have seen him, his blanket bundled self on the sofa now flying towards you.

"Baby? What did you do?" he gasped, slowly walking up to after his dramatic rise from relaxation.

"Look! Aren't they so cool?" you bounced on your toes, grinning with your fangs peeking under your lip, yet he was still worried.

"Did it hurt?!?" he fussed over you, lightly touching his own lip and wondering how it felt.

"A little bit... but it's worth it," you shrugged, still smiling lightly at him, his concern over you only making you feel fuzzy and warm.

"Beauty is pain, I get it," he nodded, eyes fixated on the shining jewellery.

"We should be matching," you winked at him.

"Oh no, I'll let you keep your tiger status my love," he waved you off, now pulling you into a tight hug and appreciating you, though you couldn't fully rest your head against him as he just wanted to keep admiring you.

Felix

Before you could even breathe, you heard the squeals of your excited boyfriend.

"You finally got them done!" he embraces you and forced you to jump around with him.

"Yes! Don't you think it looks good!" you stood back and started doing random poses to show off.

"It's literally perfect, so you!" Felix gushed, rushing to grab his phone.

"I knowww, I love it!" you blushed, happy that Felix liked how it looked too.

"Let me take photos for you, sweetheart," Felix took lots of photos, ones that you definitely posted on Instagram later, your favourite ones being where his head peeked into frame and kissed the piercings upon your lips.

Seungmin

A lot of Stays were shocked that such a clean cut idol, got with a girl who presented more of a punk image in her aesthetic. You were truly opposites, but that's what made you two work so well together.

The two of you were currently walking the streets of Seoul on a Sunday evening, hands clasped together.

"I'm getting weird looks again... I wish I never got these," you muttered sadly under your breath, feeling people's eyes dart to you, and it wasn't just your paranoia, you.kmew that this time.

"Why would you say such a thing?" Seungmin asked, upset on your behalf and feeling the same way himself that you were hurting.

"I just feel..." you trailed off, not really wanting to continue your sentence.

"Tell me," Seungmin insisted, pulling you over to a bench from the both of you to sit down on.

"I think people don't like me being with you and think I'm ruining your image," you sighed, absentmindedly tracing your finger against your angel fangs piercing in particular.

"If anything you're improving it, darling," Seungmin hushed you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and cuddling you to him, a delicate kiss on your forehead following the affectionate action.

You blushed and his your face, mumbling nonsensical words as you couldn't get a response out.

"Hahaha, don't go shy on me now," he laughed with a big grin on his face.

"You're too sweet to me," you smiled back up at him, peacefully taking in the city lights and basking in the warmth of your boyfriend's arms.

Jeongin

Wow, was the word most people used to describe the pair of you when they saw you together. Probably apart too.

You were a power couple plain and simple. Hot, muscular Jeongin, paired with a hot, pierced reader? Match made in heaven.

"What are you going to get done next?" Jeongin asked as you were both out getting coffee.

"Jeongin, I've literally had these for a couple of hours..." you facepalmed at your boyfriend, who although eager to see your new ones wanted to know how many more you'd get, already imagining all the different places available on your body where there was room.

"You're right, I need more time to obsess over these," he smirked and cockily raised his eyebrows as you from across the table.

"What am I gonna do with you?" you shook your head and lightly laughed at his antics.

tagged: @kiraisastay @skz-streamer @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

how to not let your autistic inner child win (or how to write an if) by the secretary

[id: a student with glasses being pointed at and mocked by two students on screens, and two more offscreen with only their arms showing. the central bullied student looks sad, and everyone else is laughing. end id]

Ruhoh, is this another secretary essay? Well, yes it is! The gender politics one will eventually come around when I feel like it, but this one, as the title suggest, is about how to write an IF. And since I'm presuming most of you are on the spectrum (or on a spectrum), it gets a little tongue-in-cheek.

hehe

Anyways, if you have autism, you have eternal swag. It's just true! But having so much swag makes it a problem when writing, or doing any sort of project. This is something I've noticed from people who don't have evil autism. Those not afflicted by the rare autism version of evil autism (my autism) will often be really bad at just... doing things - despite having all the abilities to do so! I think it might be a adhd thing or something too. Anyways, I love helping people, (this is my evil autism), and I'd like to share some girl tips on how to kill your inner child :)

I think something I've noticed from people making any sort goals- online, real life, job, working, etc - is it is straight forward. ie: I want to graduate from high school, I want to make a video game, I want to journal everyday. These are all achievable using your abilities that you learn and gain through your life, and failure doesn't exempt you from trying again. Thing is, this specific thing I just described (straightforward goals) is something I think a lot of autistic people struggle with.

I deeply remember sitting down in the corner of my high school, looking like the hottest girl who played pokemon on her ds when someone who had +1% more autism than me told me that, one day, he was going to make the most cool pokemon game ever where you could date other characters and have babies and have your children go on adventure too. As a 14 year old, I thought to myself 'bitch, shut up' but also, 'this is so unrealistic, but he really believes it, uh'. And he did! And you know, I think that's okay. I think it's okay to believe that you can make things that you cannot do at the moment - I mean that's just how life it. We didn't go on the Moon thinking we couldn't

But... the guy didnt know how to code, or how to make games, or how to program, or how to develop stories, or how to make art, etc etc etc. He didn't know these things, but he wanted to make these things. And I see this to a certain degree quite a bit when it comes to creation. I want to say: it's a very important of the process but simply one part.

I think being able to imagine what you could do if you have all the resources in the world, all the time, and all the help is important - but it is even more important to look within and go 'alright with all this in mind - what can I do?'

And if you're in the field of IF, well, what can you do? Coding, storytelling, character design, plotting arcs, etc. I think the skills can be learned by anybody (sidenote incoming)

If anybody ever fucking says that art is innate, they're fucking lying. It's a skill you grind out. You work it out. You work even if you feel not creative. You write words even if they don't come to you naturally. You draw even if the images can't be conjured. You work you work you work and you make something. You cannot always make art when feeling creative because you aren't always creative. you must be willing to die for your art, yes, but you must also be willing to create without any creative sparks! If you want to be an artist, you better work bitch.

(sidenote ending) and with that in mind, you need to develop restraints onto yourself. In IF, it's actually to create restraints, and here are some I suggest for all of my fellow autists who might struggle with them. I love you guys, truly, anyways. here they are:

restrain characters.

Make three characters + a main character. Write a couple of scenes with them. Is that your maximum? Is that too much? Go up and down until you find the right amount. You can add more character when your writing is better. Stick to a minimum per scene. If you have ideas for 30 characters, you can easily melt them into 10. Seriously. Put the heat on maximum and start creating new fun dolls to play with.

2. restrain scenes

You cannot write 500 per interaction. This is a bad idea because a) you might do the thing where you run out of creativity which you need to learn to do without but it is hard and b) interactions are time limited and time sensitive. not everybody will go through them. if you have a 30k update, but most people will only see 1k... are you really writing a game for them or for yourself? I made my wife do this format:

youll gain the ability to gauge if a scene is important or not eventually, I'm sure.

3. restrain area

I recommend writing like a murder novelist. You have a closed circle, and the player cannot leave it. they can only be within that space. That space that exists within that specific story is the only thing they have access to. it can be a school, a city, a bedroom - but its limited. you create setpieces that players interact with. some set pieces are the same with just a different coat of paint on.

anyways, i believe in dreaming big, but i also believe that we have little time on our hands to create. when wanting to make something, restraint yourself. its always way more fun to find ways to break out of our bonds then just roaming free, right? I mean... maybe not. I'm not your mother, you know.

[moodymisty]

So I had these sitting around for a bit and didn't have any use for them, so i just decided to clean it a bit and then post it. So here, two snippets of a nailsremoved!AU to be balm on the wound of the inevitable tragedy that is Angron. Apologies about any incohesiveness due to it's rough nature. I'm trying to get more confidence in my own writing and posting more of the ideas that I don't spend 80 years on.

Relationships: Angron/Fem!Reader (an AU of my 'stolen historitor' saga)

Warnings: None really apart from typical 40k talk and Angron's general existence

Snippet 1

The only word you can use to possibly describe it, is euphoric.

Never in a million years, in all of your hopes and prayers and desperate pleas, did you ever think it would even be possible. Even he hadn't; Though as with much of his life, he'd accepted his inevitable fate with the same despondent anger as with much else.

You shouldn't be awake, but you can't help but watch him for a moment.

Angron sleeps sitting. Perhaps its a remnant of his time in the gladiator pits. That would make the most logical sense to you, watching as his chin presses against his collarbone. He has one leg bent and one straight out, his left elbow resting on the bent one. He's prepared to fight, even in his sleep. Even his chainaxes are still within reach. You know if you even shifted towards them, they'd be in his hands within the blink of an eye.

But it's still odd to you, not seeing them. The nails were such a poignant, overt part of Angron's silhouette, that their removal has been an adjustment. It feels like a part of him is missing; In an odd sort of way.

You accidentally shift, and he opens his eyes. You smile at him.

He grunts. You snuffle closer to him and lay against his side, content to stay there for the time being. He doesn't remove you, so you assume it's fine.

You’re happy, but it’s bittersweet.

You know that while Angron no longer feels the full punishment of the nails against every other emotion but rage, that portions of the nails that couldn’t be removed; The pieces that replaced parts of his brain will always give him pain. To say that he is cured is laughable as like some sort of sick curse, he can have no relief in his life. A more accurate description would be that they neutered the Butcher’s Nails to give Angron some breathing room.

"Does it still hurt?"

You say softly, feeling his massive hand flop on your hip.

While there is no longer any nails for you to soothe, he does still feel as if your company gives him relief. Perhaps that's just another human emotion he's only just now been able to taste.

“No.”

You don’t know if he says it because it’s true, or he merely mistakes the neutering of pain as full relief it would make sense, given how long he’s lived with the nails; The pain becoming part of him and even its slight removal could feel like it was gone.

He could also just be lying. Though perhaps it would be more accurate to say refusing to show weakness. Someone like him won't simply admit that pain is affecting him. He'll never show his stomach to anyone, now matter how close you may be to him.

He stares at you. Hard. It’s always impossible to tell what he’s thinking until he inevitably says it.

“You worry too much.”

Your lips purse, and Angron grips your face not too hard, but hard enough to make your cheeks empty of air.

"I'm not the only one. I'm just the only one who admits it." The gladiator makes a disgruntled, irritated face and looks away.

Snippet 2

What an odd moment in time, Sanguinius thinks.

To imagine that out of all of his brothers, the one hailing from Nuceria would be the one to change so drastically. And to think they'd almost thought him lost.

Such is the nature of life, he guesses. For things to change so quickly. Even in their long lives it doesn't seem to slow down in the slightest.

Sanguinius looks across the massive room, watching the World Eater's Primarch interact with the only human he's given time of day. A question must've been asked, as they look up to him with a curiosity and Angron glances down to give an amused scoff.

It's barely there, but he sees it. It's just barely noticeable in the slightly softened look in his eyes. But the angel is keen, and catches it. He speaks up to either of the men in his presence, to neither in particular.

"I've never seen that man crack even the smallest smile. And it's been, what, three hundred years?"

Sanguinius' wings are fluffed, comfortable in the presence of two of his closest brothers. They've even seen Konrad smile; Though context proves to be a valuable marker in regards to him in particular. Magnus crosses his arms and looks towards Horus, not having heard him when the two of them exchanged an amused chuckle at Sanguinus' observation. Odd, for the Warmaster. Normally whenever he's in the Angel's company on Terra, it's hard to keep a laugh off of his lips.

"Have you, brother?"

Horus looks towards his brothers with a soft, charming smirk, one that fades ever so slightly as he looks to Angron. He thinks back, trying to remember a moment where the man hailing from Nuceria had ever shown anything but rage boiling just beneath the surface.

He lets out a soft chuckle when he comes up completely empty, and shakes his head.

"No, I don't think I have."

With all three in agreement Sanguinus makes some sort of lighthearted jest to Magnus at Angron's expense, looking away from the Warmaster for a moment. He doesn't let his perfect veneer drop, as he sees the old gladiator speak words not audible to him at you.

Horus watches for a moment longer, and then walks away.

[carbondioxidewater]

hello >_< part 2 hihi

I apologize in advance, I got a little carried away lmao. hope this is still somewhat enjoyable, as I said, I'm not familiar with writing smut. 🌸🌷

warnings: nsfw, eren x fem!reader, age gap, slightly obsessive/possesive eren?, slight stalking, fingering, oral (m! & f!receiving), belly bulge, unprotected sex, explicit sexual content, feelings involved (🤮)

word count: 7K

Senses (Pt. 2)

The next day you woke up with instant regret. You felt embarassed at your acts the night before, you weren't really yourself and you did not know why, you were confused of that unknown and unrecognizable side of yours. You did not dare to leave your room until you heard the front door close, meaning your two visitors left.

You went straight into the kitchen and drank a cold glass of water, the room reminding you of how you were bent over the window seat a few hours ago. But why were you feeling some type of excitement in your stomach?

No no no, shut down those feelings, you thought to yourself when you felt your core throbbing.

You took your phone into your hand and called your friends, telling them everything about last night and hoping they would judge you so much that you would never dare to speak to Eren again, because you knew something inside of you was aching for his touch and you were not liking it, or so you pretended.

Much to your dismay though, your friends squealed in excitement and asked you for all the details.

"I told you you just needed the right person, all the others were just big ass losers, unable to make you cum properly. This Eren apparently knows how to do it." your friend cheered.

Deep down you were kind of relieved that they were rooting for you, not wanting to let go of this fresh, exciting self-discovery that you wanted to explore further.

"I still have doubts though, I mean he's so young. He probably only wants to get me in bed too." you were concerned.

"But isn't that what you want? You don't want anything serious anyways, do you?" your other friend asked.

"Of course not, I've had enough of that. But is it really okay for me to go after it? I feel like I'm using him for his body."

"And he isn't?"

"Yes, but I'm the older one, the mature one. I shouldn't lust after someone younger, I should know better, act better. Also, he's in a whole another phase of life. I don't know, I just feel weird." you admitted, but your friends quickly talked you out of it.

"At the end of the day, he is a grown up too. Plus, he isn't even that young, but I know what you mean. If you feel so uncomfortable, then don't do it. But keep in mind that he knows what he does. He knows you were the stepmom of his best friend, and he still goes after it. He isn't innocent."

You thought about her words before responding.

"Yeah, I don't know..."

"And didn't it feel good? Wasn't he forcing you to look at the moon? That's so intense." she asked and your face turned red at the thought of it.

"Ugh, it did! It felt amazing, I can't even put it into words-..I've just never felt something like this. I never had someone to eat me out, and in complete silence at that! And his tongue! Oh my god-" you enthusiastically exclaimed, not noticing how you were basically worshipping Eren and you couldn't see it, but at the end of the lines, your friends were smiling to themselves.

"See? You want it, he wants it...Just do what you want and don't overthink too much." they declared and left you indecisive.

"I guess...Let's wait and see." you figured, kind of aware of the fact that they probably didn't have the best influence on you.

"Ahhhh, I want to see what he looks like so bad. I'm sure he is a sight, by the way you described him." your friend wondered.

"I don't have a picture unfortunately, but I can guarantee you he is."

"Doesn't he have any socials?" they further questioned, but you couldn't tell.

"I don't know, I don't even know his last name..." you admitted, wondering if you ever even knew or if you simply forgot about it.

A few days later, you were working in your office as usual, bringing around your new design of a closet and leaving work on time. You were one of the top employees, always hard-working and had long years of service behind you, which, together with your charisma and charming beauty, contributed to your promotion as the co-CEO plus your newly found selection as the face of the company. You didn't know what you were getting yourself into when your colleagues voted for you as the poster girl, but apparently it was just some upcoming photoshoot to advertise your business. Easy.

Heading home, you texted your friends when suddenly someone bumped into you. You looked up and, to your shock, it was Eren.

"Oops, sorry." he said, looked down at you, his lips slightly parted, and continued his way.

???

Did he just ignore you? He definitely recognized you. Turning around to take a look at him, you realized he didn't even bother to look back to you, casually walking down the street while your gaze spiked his back.

You were confused. And even more when you started having dirty dreams with him as the protagonist, waking up aroused almost every morning at this point. What was it with him that didn't let you go?

You knew obviously, but you didn't want to obsess over it, especially since he apparently didn't think much of it himself, considering he ignored you as if you were nothing to him. That's why you didn't even tell your friends about this small incident.

The next time you saw him was after work again, sitting in the metro and working on your laptop, you didn't notice him sitting right in front of you and staring at you in silence while your eyes were on your screen.

You never noticed when he was sitting to your opposite, literally staring holes into you as he enjoyed your concentrated expression. He's been doing it for a while already and now that he got a taste of your sweet little pussy, he just can't stop scanning your thighs, your stretching, semi-transparent tights testing his self-control.

He always got up before your station, moving to the other end of the train and waiting for you to hop off before following you on your way home, making sure you'd be safe.

Only this time, you exceptionally looked up from your screen, his smirking self already looking at you while his arm was around the shoulders of the girl next to him. Your heart dropped to your feet and started beating uncontrollably the very next second, eyes taking a quick glance at the foreign girl who seemed to be too distracted by her phone to witness Eren's obtrusive behaviour, before looking down your screen again.

You couldn't concentrate though, too furious at the bold male who didn't stop ogling you until you almost missed your station, hastily exiting this uncomfortable encounter.

Eren excused himself, leaving the girl on the train on her own and quickly following you.

He called your name but you didn't stop, you're a grown woman and didn't have time for such trivial games.

"Hey-.." he ran up to you and you thought he would say anything to clear up this whole situation, but instead he asked for something else.

"Can you give that to Miles? You'll see him today, won't you? Didn't have time to drop it off myself, I've been pretty busy..." he handed you a small package and scratched behind his ear.

Does he really pretend as if nothing happened between the two of you?

You decided to play along, smiling broadly up at him.

"Sure, leave it to me."

And with that, you parted ways, calling your friends as soon as you arrived at home and updating them, deciding to give a lucky guy a chance to take you out tonight to get Eren out of your mind once and for all.

You responded to one of your many devotees, meeting him at the bar after turning down his offer to pick you up, you didn't want him to know where you live.

Arriving at your destination, you sat down the bar waiting for your date to approach you any second. After good 15 minutes, you already ordered a drink and drank on it, someone finally came up to you, but it wasn't the man you were expecting.

"What a naughty little girl, meeting up with other guys after you got intimate with someone else not too long ago." Eren's voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you choked on your drink.

"I'm not the only one, am I?" you emphasized the last part and met his gaze. Eren tried to surpress a smile.

"What are you doing here and how do you even know? Don't tell me you're jealous?" you snorted and he brought light into the dark.

"Miles told me." he briefly explained, leaving much room for interpretation, but you didn't care.

"Uh-huh." you said and took another sip of your drink, trying to be as calm as possible about his sudden appearance.

"Well, as you already know I'm waiting for someone, so could you please get out of my way?" you requested, annoyed, but he obviously wouldn't do you the favor.

"I could, but you're waiting for nothing. He won't come, I took care of that." he pointed to the corner of the bar and you followed his fingers, seeing your date sitting and talking to another woman.

You sighed.

"What do you want from me, Eren? The train has already left." you declared, telling him that it's too late and his time is over.

"You think so?" he teasingly asked, coming closer to you and making you nervous. His gaze traveled to your trembling hands, face not stopping to move forward until it was next to yours.

"See, your hands are shaking..." he whispered into your ear now, stating the obvious. His lips were just inches away from your skin.

You took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Eren's aftershave and slowly growing impatient. His scent...it reminded you of that night.

Just touch me already, you thought, but you'd never say it out loud, not wanting to give in so easily. You didn't know if the alcohol in your body contributed to the desperation you felt, but you were definitely still sober and clear to your senses.

And suddenly, his lips were on your neck, roughly moving over the skin and gently biting at it, causing you to catch your breath in shock. You let out a small whimper you couldn't suppress, hoping that he didn't hear it, but he did. His hands traveled down your waist and held you steady and, without thinking, you moved your body towards his, aggressively grasping his shirt and pulling him closer. He let go of you and chuckled.

"The train has left, huh?" he devilishly grinned and you were embarrassed that your body betrayed you like that. You didn't know what to say or do so you tried to stand up and leave but Eren didn't let you.

"Let me go, I don't have the time or energy to deal with your games. Go back to whoever wants to be played by you." you expressed and pushed him by his abdomen, your fingers tingling at the sensation of his hard abs against your hand.

He stopped you by your wrist, tugging you back, spine against the counter as he placed both arms beside you, caging you in between so you couldn't escape.

"Eren, we're in public, don't make a scene." you looked around in embarassment, but no one seemed to care about the two of you.

"I'm disappointed in you." he pronounced.

"Oh, you're disappointed? Interesting." you scoffed.

"I'm not playing any games with you."

"That didn't seem to be the case earlier." you spat out, crossing your arms and looking to the side.

"You mean my cousin?" he beamed and you turned your head, eyes widening in surprise. You felt some kind of relief, but then you got a flashback.

"The way you put your arms around her is pretty unusual for cousins..." you narrowed your eyes and he chuckled lightly.

"Do you know how jealous you sound?" he smiled and you furrowed your brows.

"I did it on purpose, to get a reaction out of you. I already broke off contact with every girl long time ago." he guaranteed but you didn't know if you could believe him.

"Pretty immature if you ask me." you just professed. He laughed quietly.

When Eren was sure enough you wouldn't leave, he let go of the counter.

"You know, you hurt me too when you didn't even want to see me the morning after our nightly session." the guy proclaimed and you turned red, not knowing that it was such a big deal to him.

But it was. You didn't know it, but you were making him extremely nervous. Being near you drives him crazy and being not even more. He truly felt hurt, and he wanted to see if you'd feel that way too, he wanted to punish you for making him feel this way. It reminded him of the time when you weren't taking him serious, and he didn't like that at all. But he couldn't stay mad at you, he wanted to be the only one for you and he panicked when Miles asked him to come over because you weren't there.

"That was immature too, don't you think?" he wondered and you agreed. You criticized his childish behaviour, but you weren't any better. You were on the same page actually.

"I'm sorry." you apologized, head turning down in shame.

"Don't be." his deep voice mumbled. He took your chin in his hand and raised your head up.

"I can tell you not to worry, but I'd rather show you." he said before kissing your lips softly, and you let him.

It's just sex, you thought to yourself, rejecting all of your doubts and allowing him to touch on you.

"Show me then." you weakly let out and he caressed your hair.

"No." he announced and it left you confused.

"You had a drink." he unfolded and you tried explaining that you weren't under any influence.

"I just had one drink, I'm pretty much sober."

"If I'm having you, I'm having you with a clear mind." he clarified and you were getting the hots at his consideration.

He dropped you off at home, not accompanying you because Miles was there. You thanked him for driving you, but you probably should've thanked him for preventing you from making a mistake and meet someone else too.

You didn't know yet that you slowly started to grow true feelings for Eren.

The next day you woke up from a dream, a dream about Eren again. You wondered when the time came that you'd finally feel him inside of you but to your delight, it would come sooner than you imagined.

Miles left early in the morning, meaning you had your apartment for yourself again. You went to work, clueless to all the things that would await you that day. Bluebells were sent to your office every hour, each of them containing a small message with a single letter on it and when you collected every letter after the whole shift, it formed one word:

Tonight.

It beared Eren's trademark and you grew excited at this sweet, adventurous action. No one before him put so much effort into their gestures and you were practically on cloud nine, looking forward to whatever Eren has planned for you.

After work, you hurried home so you could take a long all-in-one shower to be fresh and clean. After shaving and applying lotion to your whole body, you put on your best set of lingerie, a sexy black lace corset and matching panties, over it you wore a tight black lace dress.

Furthermore, you put a few strands of hair up in a black ribbon, put on your favourite silver jewelry and lastly, put on some make-up and painted your finger- and toenails, also of black colour of course. When you were done with everything, it took you hours and you had to re-do a few of your fingernails because you accidentally smudged them, it was almost 10pm.

You were growing more and more excited the more time went by and you were just about to tell your friends about it when it ringed on the door already.

You opened it and Eren walked up the stairs. What felt like an eternity were just a few seconds in reality, but when he finally arrived at your floor, you wanted nothing more than to jump onto him.

Eren was wearing a tight black turtleneck pullover that was flattering his biceps and black suit pants. His hair was tied up in his usual man-bun and he was wearing a silver chain necklace, bracelet, dangle earrings and a few rings. You've never seen so many accessoires on him but hell did it look sexy, you almost drooled.

Eren too was taken aback by your appearance, standing there in utter shock for a few seconds, processing the goddess, as he thought, before him. The way you dressed up specifically for him didn't go unnoticed by him and he felt like crying tears of joy at the sight of you. He never thought you could make him forget about his now uninteresting fantasies with just one glance, who needed fake scenarios anyways when you were right in front of him, looking like the sweetest, most beautiful angel in heaven. And the fact that you were doing all this for him made his heart pound uncontrollably in his chest.

"Whoa..." he was searching for words but there were none that could describe his adoration for you.

"You look heavenly." he came up with and wasn't satisfied with his choice of words, still not moving his body until you asked him to come in. You gave him the sweetest smile and complimented him back, although you were low-key with your words.

"You look handsome as well." you told him and you were sure the hearts that formed in your eyes were visible. Eren cleared his throat and drew out the flowers from behind his back, roses this time, giving them to you before showing you the small bag in his other hand.

"I know bluebells are your favourites, but I figured you probably have enough of them."

You weren't any less happy about the roses, taking them from his hands, yours briefly touching his and making you both twitch a little, and taking in their smell.

"Thank you so much, Eren." you thanked, closing your eyes while sniffling them.

"I hope you didn't spend too much money on me." you felt guilty.

"There is no 'too much' when it comes to you." he confessed and you blushed at his comment.

"I brought some...fruits...strawberries...they're apparently aphrodisiacs..." he let you know, even though he was certainly not needing any help with getting his cock up, already being rock hard under his pants for you for years.

"Oh, I see, maybe we can prepare something with them in the kitchen." you suggested and you two went into said room.

But when you were there, so close to each other, not able to stop yourselves from seeking each others' touches, the strawberries were long forgotten. Unable to keep your eyes and hands off of each other, it only took you two one last straw, that being Eren's crotch pushing against your ass, to drop your plans and head straight into the candlelit bedroom.

Eren picked you up and threw you onto the bed, impatiently ripping off your dress, holding your corset around the waist while mustering you up and down and growing even harder.

"You're so fucking hot, just looking at you feels like a sin." he worshipped you and it fucking turned you on. You've never felt this treasured.

He held you like this for a while, his fingers wandering over the fabric before pressing down his hands on you, slowly moving them up, passing your tummy and finally stopping to wildly massage your breasts. Simultaneously, he started smooching your neck passionately, leaving a few marks. You leaned forward at his touch, holding your breath and enjoying his kneading skills.

He then started to put his body weight on yours, slowly grinding himself against your covered clit, stimulating the both of you even further while continuing his former movements.

At some point, his hand went underneath your tight corset, playing with your bare tits for a while before taking off the whole piece, admiring your topless appearance before appreciating them with his mouth. His hands were placed behind your back, holding onto your shoulders to hold the both of you stable. His lips gracefully nibbled on your now hard nipples, luring out a heavy moan that you tried to suppress for too long.

"That's it, don't keep your cute noises to yourself, sweetheart." he said and went down your core. He kissed over the fabric, then grazed over it with his fingers, hitting it a few times with two of them. He pulled down your panties and was pleased with the sight.

"So eager for me, aren't we?" he teased and you couldn't even answer, patiently waiting for him to touch you in any way.

He saw the desperation in your eyes and didn't let you wait any longer, instantly licking at your clit and fingers playing with your folds. Your toes were curling at the sensation of this godly tongue you were feeling again, wishing you would feel it clashing with your own at that.

He licked over your folds now, sucking in your sensitive skin and brushing it with his teeth from time to time, the bony fangs giving you small shocks. His mouth was wide open while he was devouring you, hungry for more and preparing your first orgasm that night, and it came pretty soon. He used one of his digits to widen your hole, sending in another one until you were eventually stuffed with three of his pretty fingers, cumming around him in an instant and whining in pleasure.

You were practically feeding him with your juice as he took you through your release, licking up every single drop of your essence and swallowing it in pride.

He was slowly running hot which is why he took off his shirt. His eight-pack was fully visible to you now and looked unbelievably inviting in the warm and bright colours of the candles in your room. Before you could even think twice, your lips were already on his muscles, going further down with every little peck. They felt like steel, but maybe that was just because Eren was stiffening his muscles at the sudden feeling of your mouth against his skin.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." Eren voiced, knowing that you were about to give him head. He obviously wanted this, the thought of it alone was re-playing in his head non-stop. But he didn't want to take the focus off of you, in the end, all he ever wanted was to satisfy your needs. You shouldn't have to get dirty.

"I want to get a taste of you, too." you expressed and he was turning into a red, flustered mess.

You unbuckled his pants, ready to see what was expecting you, and pulled them down, his boxers stretching around the big silhouette of his shaft. You could already see he was massive, and it was thrilling you. Eren observed you sharply, his cock pulsating at your sudden touch. You rubbed the clothed erection for a while, then finally pulling down the boxers, his member jumping out and dangling from his body.

You stood there in amazement of his big girth, it was long, thick and veiny, already leaking a good amount of precum. It was really pretty though, as far as dicks can be pretty, but Eren's really was. The tip was pink and soft-looking and you were dying to suck on his balls. The only thing that was unsettling you was the question if he even fitted inside you. But that would be a problem for later.

You started your own way, groping over it, squeezing it between your fingers and going up and down his outstanding length. Eren inhaled deeply and on that occasion, you tenderly kissed the tip, cleaning it from the precum and starting to take it into your mouth. Eren struggled to hold himself back, concentrating so he wouldn't cum in an instant because your mouth around his tip alone almost made him.

When you licked your way down his dick, taking in more and more while doing so, then taking it out of your mouth completely to capture his heavy sacks in it instead, he swore to himself that he would thank you endlessly after it. Your careful approach that turned into a rapid back-and-forth movement shortly afterwards made him lose control.

"Shit, your mouth looks so good around my cock. It simply belongs there." Eren hissed and you got chills.

Knees on the mattress and his body leaning back, he roughly gripped you by your hair and started aggressively face-fucking you. He pushed his head back in pleasure, taking your mouth as he pleased while working up his own high. Your little chokes around him made him even go faster, not without making sure you were alright with it though. Before he came undone, he pulled out of you. He wasn't planning on coming already, not before he didn't make you cum at least three times.

"Fuck, I'd love to cum all over your pretty face now, but we have to save that for another time." he said when he saw your drooling mouth.

Eren forcefully pushed you down the bed next. He stroked your clit once again to prepare you for his girth, planting a small kiss on top of it before asking you the question.

"Are you ready?" he made sure, slapping his tip at your clit a few times and drawing it through your folds. You nodded in excitement.

"Alright..." he said and pushed himself inside.

The stretch was big, but he moved slowly and gently, giving you enough time to adjust to his thick length that was penetrating you, even though he would rather want to fuck you relentlessly. He would never do something that would hurt you or that wouldn't give you the absolute best feeling, so he was very patient, very loving and very sweet to you, always asking you if you were okay everytime he pushed himself in a little more.

"Oh fuck, are you tight. Gotta focus so I don't spill my seed into you right away."

"There you go, just look at how good you're taking me, princess, you're feeling so amazing." he groaned, torturing himself by ignoring his aching member.

When you finally gave him the permission to move freely, he kept a consistent and slow pace, rolling his hips steadily and watching your reactions.

You were drowning in pleasure, his tip hitting all your best spots, spots you didn't even know existed until now, and it felt ethereal to have his full entirety fill you like a stuffed animal.

You both made eye contact during the whole act, his eyes never ever leaving yours, even when you averted yours to roll them in pleasure. He continued rubbing your clit and then changed his pace. He wanted to see all your reactions, wanted to see what he had to do to make you act a certain way, and what kinds you preferred.

His thrusts were slower but harder now, violently ramming into you, then pausing for a second. This way, he was bringing all his passion, all his strength into one thrust at a time, intensifying your pleasure.

"Oh g-god Eren, d-don't st-stop~" you moaned, your voice making his dick twitch inside of you and your legs clutching his torso, bringing him nearer to you so you could embrace his neck with your arms. He felt how your pussy was milking him, looking down to see a thick ring of your cream around his genitals.

"God, you're driving me crazy." he groaned out loud, giving you a long kiss on the lips.

"I'm gonna make you feel good now, princess." he announced and changed his pace again, thrusting at an enourmous speed and feeling how your walls clenched around him even more, fucking you through your second orgasm.

You were caught off guard by the sudden speed, screaming in pleasure and calling out his name countless times which was making him go insane, quickly pulling out of you because he couldn't prevent his own release anymore. He emptied himself on your stomach, the sight of it making you wonder how his warm liquid would feel inside of you.

"Fuckkk...couldn't even hold back anymore with how you squealed my name." were his exact words.

You dipped your fingers in his fluid and used them to paint it over your body, taking them into your mouth right after while meeting his gaze and tasting the white paste. He immediately grew hard again, taking you up and turning you around on all fours, knees and hands on the mattress as he started to fuck you from behind. He towered over you, placing his hand on your lower tummy and applying pressure on it, holding you still like this while his other hand supported him in his new position.

"I-I'm cl-..close, Eren." you sobbed, tears in your eyes and laying your hand over his on your belly.

His balls slapped strongly against your clit and it didn't take long for you to cum again.

You thought you'd have some time to recover from your high, but Eren was animalistic at this point and switched positions again, pressing you down on the mattress, face buried into the pillows, and mercilessly ravishing you. His hands were placed next to your waist and his abdomen was rubbing against your butt while thoroughly infiltrating you, lifting up your lower body in the end, ass in the air, to increase the depth.

You came again and cried out in overstimulation, but Eren turned you around once more so that your back was onto the bed again and held your hands above your head with one of his, the other one pushing your right leg up so he had a good access to your cunt. And then, he was pounding into you, as hard and fast as before. In the meantime, you were motionless and completely fucked out, overwhelmed by all the pleasure that you felt during the past rounds. Your lower belly started to hurt due to all this overstimulation and Eren checked up on you when he noticed you weren't moving and were oddly silent.

"You still there?" he asked and you weakly nodded.

"Do you want a safeword?" he questioned, not stopping his sloppy pace but being careful nonetheless.

You shook your head.

"I..trust you.." you spelled out and it warmed his heart. He loved you so much, his whole body was basically exploding at this transcendental experience. He wished he could share his emotions with you, hoping that you felt at least a tiny part of what he did.

"I'll let you ride me next, so you can set the pace." he gave out and pecked your forehead, hands caressing your cheeks.

After unleashing yet another, slightly painful orgasm, the good type of pain though, he rolled on the bed, gripping your body and sitting you onto his lap, dick cautiously sliding into you once more. The massive penetration made your hips wiggle on top of him.

"E-Eren...I c-can't..." you cried out but he encouraged you.

"Shh baby, don't you see you're already doing so well? Keep it up, use me as you wish." he fired you up and you started grinding against him.

"There, there..." he petted you when he saw the tears rolling down your face, wiping them away and grabbing your hands to hold them in his. He kissed them and brushed his gentle fingers over your smooth skin.

You stopped again, needing a break, holding onto Eren's broad chest to support.

"It's alright sweetie, take your time." he mumbled in a low voice, grazing over your pelvis.

"Want me to help?" he then asked and you nodded breathlessly.

"I'm sorry." you let out and Eren was dying inside, you were just so cute.

"It's okay princess, I got you." he assured and grabbed your hips, slowly starting to thrust into you and bucking up his hips regularly until you were worked up enough to take the lead again.

His hugeness made your stomach bulge and the bare sight of it captivated him. It was turning him on even more, he was even using his hands to put some more pressure on that part of your tummy, and he quickly engrafted this moment into his memory, unaware of the fact that he added extra rawness to his thrusts.

"Nghh...I'm really trying to slow down, but it's impossible with your pussy milking me like that." he apologized and harshly pounded into you, clasping your hips while doing so and leaving slight prints of his hands on your skin.

"Look at how perfect you're fitting around me, it's like you were made for my dick." he implied and got you all riled up.

The view of the swelling bump caused by his dick and his own helplessness stirred up your emotions, sending electricity through your body and boosting your lust in an instant.

"A fucking goddess." he mumbled as you were bouncing on his big dick, moving up and down while your breasts jerked in front of his eyes. He couldn't stop himself from sitting up and making out with your chest, consuming you like you were his last meal and your hands immediately tugged at his hair, slightly pulling it while you sped up your tempo.

You threw him back on the mattress and you could swear you heard a whimper slip out of Eren's mouth when you took over the dominance.

The sight of him under you like this drove you nuts, he looked so vulnerable, so submissive, and so breedable, his cocky demeanor nowhere to be find. Riding him at your own preferred rate, Eren cried out in agony, mewling below you like a whiny mess until you both reached your state of ecstasy.

"You'll be the fucking death of me." he growled, head squeezing back into the cushion as he quickly pulled out of you before spurting out his sticky substance on both of your stomachs.

Shortly after, you collapsed onto his body, too much overstimulation to handle. He cackled at your worn out state, wrapping his arms around your weak body and kissing your head, the smell of your hair intoxicating to him.

He laid you down on your side and started gnawing at your neck then, moving down to your decollete and sending shivers down your spine. He was cherishing your figure as he took his softened penis in one hand and started to stroke it, occasionally making contact with your inner thigh.

You grew nervous at the fact that he wanted to go for another run, thinking you were done by now. But you didn't complain, you enjoyed yourself like you never did before, the handsome man next to you making you feel like you were the luckiest girl in the world.

He startled you when he unexpectedly pressed his fingers over your core and shoved them inside, stretching you enough to enter you with his now erected cock again.

"Eren...too much." you hummed, still panting from your prior pleasure.

"Just a few more rounds, okay?" he whispered, kissing your cheek while hovering over you.

He stood on his knees, taking a pillow from behind you and lifting your body up to put it under your lower back to situate you into a more penetrable position, cock buried still inside of you.

He tossed your legs over his shoulders and you were enraptured by his swiftness. Eren packed you by your thighs and repeatedly dragged you onto his torso from your waist down, profoundly bumping into you.

"..I-I'm almost there.." you announced, shouting when he quickened his motion. Your view was getting blurry so you squinted your eyes in hopes of a soon release, but it never came because Eren suddenly pulled out and left you unsatisfied.

"Hey...stop teasing me." you weakly pleaded and he enjoyed your torment.

"But you look so gorgeous like this." he snickered.

"Weren't you saying it's too much for you just minutes ago, hmm?" he further provoked, lips coming close to yours and grazing over them.

You pulled him into a heated kiss, and he chuckled against your mouth, promptly slipping into your hole again and moving in circular movements. You squeezed your eyes shut again, arching your back and getting off on him but he was denying you yet another orgasm.

"Ereeen!" you whined once more, but he just giggled. He was edging you like a true savage.

"If you want something, beg for it." he answered, still lingering over you.

How cruel. You obeyed though, too desperate for his touch to resist.

"Please, I want to feel you inside of me." you begged, big eyes looking up at him. He didn't say anything, wetting his lips with his tongue as he sized you up.

"Say it again."

"I want you, Eren." you confessed, eyes shutting in embarassment.

"Nah nah, open your eyes and look at me." you did as he said and made eye contact.

"So obedient." he smirked.

"You want me?" he asked then and you nodded your head.

"Only me?" he furrowed a brow.

"Only you." you clarified.

"Hell yes you do." he claimed and picked up his pace again, pressing your knees against your own body and abusing your needy little cunt all over again.

"All of this belongs to me, no one else can see you like this." he possessively claimed and you nodded, too distracted by the build up of your upcoming orgasm.

"Eren, please, I want you to cum inside of me." you voiced your need of this whole evening and his eyes widened in complete shock.

"..Fuck, that caught me off guard." he hissed, gnashing his teeth to hold back his leaking and continuously hitting your g-spot.

"As you fucking wish, princess." he said and began to fasten his thrusts, making love to you endlessly and bringing you to an earth-shattering climax. You used all the strength left in your voice to scream one last moan while you squirted around him, and he was carrying you through your orgasm until he ultimately ejaculated too, emptying himself inside of you then and pumping you full of his load.

His hot semen spilled into you and the sensation of it was truly one of a kind, it was so divine. The sudden warmness that overflowed your body - in a literal sense - made you feel like you were levitating, wishing this outworldly feeling would never stop.

He didn't pull out of you yet, waiting until his dick softened, pushing his dripping milk into you with his fingers after he finally pulled out and dropped himself on the bed, body gravitating towards to yours.

"Look at how precious my sweet girl is." he and cupped your cheeks with one hand, kissing your puffy wet lips after seeing your dumbfucked face. Your eyelids got heavy but Eren made sure that you stayed awake, lifting you from the bed and carrying you into the bathroom. You groaned in annoyance, only wanting to sleep at this point.

"No time to rest yet, we still gotta clean you up, angel." he explained and dropped you on the edge of the bathtub.

He took a washcloth from the drawer and wetted it in the sink.

"How did you know where to find-" you started, but he interrupted, smirking back at you.

"I did my research."

He helped you tidying you up, or more like: he did all the work, gently but properly washing your skin, kissing the inside of your thigh once in a while - not sexually, just wholeheartedly. And when he was done, he ordered you to pee, leaving the room to your privacy and picking you up when you were done. You tried walking on your own but your legs failed, wobbling too hard.

"I can't even walk." you professed, searching for Eren's support and laughing at your own condition.

"Don't worry, I'll carry you everywhere." he offered, the subtle confession unnoticed by you.

He laid you down your bed, then leaving again to bring you a glass of water. In the meantime, you quickly messaged your friends.

"Guys, oh my god...EREN!!!" was the only text you sent, putting it on your nightstand when Eren came back and not touching your phone until the next morning again.

You sipped on the glass, the cold water quenching your thirst. Meanwhile, Eren made himself comfortable on your bed, waiting for you to lean back to hold you into his arms and play with your hair, massaging your scalp and placing soft kisses everywhere.

"Thank you." he muttered and it bewildered you.

"Now you finally got an older woman into bed, huh?" you joked, but he didn't find it funny.

"Do you really still think that was the only thing I wanted? Did you not notice that I've been madly in love with you for the past 8 years? I want to show you, in more than just one way, how deep this love goes, if you allow me to of course."

You were surprised at the thousands of butterflies that emerged in your belly, and then you slowly realized. You felt it then and there.

You were falling in love with this man. Shit.

[sidhewrites]

23! Everything is lovely! Kaz and Lucy get to go on a proper date, and we get some lovely halloween fun. Nothing goes wrong at the end of this chapter, don't even worry about it.

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For the next few days, I stand at my window, staring at the spot behind the church where I know Magnus's bones lay. I can't see it well from my vantage point, and I don't know what I'm looking for, but it doesn't matter. Nothing happens. Magnus is gone, sealed in a jar at the bottom of his grave -- hopefully for the rest of eternity.

Renfield is fine. Despite being pure white, and occasionally appearing to glow, he's back to his old self, snoring and purring and meeping in the hopes that I'd give him some cold cuts or catnip -- which I do anyway, since he's old and arthritic again, and deserves the best for however long he has left. I'm thinking of talking to Mr. Ngo about purchasing a plot in the cemetery for him. It's expensive and stupid, but I'd want him buried next to Lucy when he goes.

Lucy meanwhile, is getting stronger and stronger each day. Though she still can't exist in this world when the sun is up, she can occasionally manipulate physical objects and leave the cemetery for longer and longer before feeling weak.

She doesn't have any telekinesis just yet, which disappoints her more than she wants to let on, but I know exactly what that little pout means. For three hours straight, we sat in the graveyard together. I nursed my first cup of coffee slowly as she stared hard at the second, hoping to at least tip it over. In the end, though, nothing happened until I lifted it myself and drank it down.

"Mmmm," I said. "Ghost coffee." And then, because I was restless and stupid, I said, "You wanna go out with me? Like -- as a couple?"

She looks at me with her big brown eyes, and I think a bit of color rises in her pale face. "Oh?"

"Yeah. You know, maybe." I shrug. "There's this Halloween carnival-fest-thing in two days. You know, on actual Halloween. I thought it would be fun if I could take you out and show you the sights, and you could tell me the history of carnival games and food and stuff."

"Ah..." She hesitates, looking down at her gown -- the same one she's worn for 150 years.

"Don't worry about the costume. I'll wear something to match. Yeah?"

She looks up at me again, and smiles. "Yeah."

#

The sun is still high in the sky as the carnival opens up. Kids run around in costume, playing games to win stuffed animals or waiting in line for the rides. Black and orange bunting stretches over the streets leading into the picnic area just past the treeline of Sutton Regional Forest. [Describe the fun stuff]

I've never felt better. After a shower, and a serious nap, I don a black suit and tied a cape around my neck. "Bleh bleh bleh," I say to my reflection, striking a most dramatic and spooky vampire pose, before racing down to load up on caffeine. It's the last night Lucy will be able to leave the graveyard in a while, and I intend to make it perfect.

She's waiting for me at the edge of the graveyard, her black veil thrown over her face. She looks like a wraith in the afternoon light, and I glance down to see how sturdy she is. Despite appearing solid as anyone else, there's a slight translucence to the hem of her gown. I hope she's able to maintain a form in this world long enough to last until the costume parade if nothing else. Childish as it is, I want to walk down Main Street holding her hand, looking like a couple for all the world to see.

"What is this?" I say with my poor attempt at a Dracula voice. "An innocent maiden, so far from home at this hour of..." I glance up at the late afternoon sun. "Day?" My words are garbled around the plastic fangs in my mouth, and she laughs.

"You'll have to do better than that," she says. "I'm afraid it's not quite easy to suck my blood."

"Oh no?" I ask, and waggle my eyebrows. "Then I shall simply have to steal you away to my castle!" She giggles, and I strike another dramatic pose, before holding out the various things I've brought. "You ready?"

"I know what those are." She points at the two plastic jack-o-lantern buckets hanging from my wrist. "But I'm at a loss for the rest."

"Perfect. Sit down, let me learn you Halloween."

She raises an eyebrow, but does so, arranging herself prettily on the nearest bench. I dump my various things next to her and present them one by one -- a slap bracelet, glow-in-the-dark vampire fangs that somehow always taste like dental cement, a tiny knife that fills with blood if you squeeze the handle, and her favorite -- a little ghost key-chain makes ghost noises and ominous music whenever you press the button. It seems to take all her strength not to reach out and grab it, so I press the button a number of times, filling the air with ghostly wailing and organ music, as well as Lucy's laughing.

Finally, music starts echoing out from the fairgrounds in downtown, and I grin. "Come on. Let's go trick-or-treating."

Lucy sticks close to me, but I make sure to give the crowd a wide berth as we make our way to the fair grounds, leaving no chances of someone accidentally walking through her. I probably look crazy, laughing and talking to myself, but I don't care. Lucy is here, taking in the sights, awestruck and overjoyed at every little thing. We barely make it past the balloon arch before she stops to point out a feat of modern engineering -- the extension cord.

"These have always amazed me," she says. "Not only can you generate or harness electricity, but you can keep pushing it further and further away from the source. Isn't that amazing?"

It is. She is.

We make our way through the streets slowly, skirting around the carnival rides that have probably been in operation longer than I've been alive. Our first stop is a food stand, decorated in autumnal reds and oranges.

"Anything I can get for you two?" the worker asks, and Lucy looks at me in shocked delight.

I nod at her, having no explanation as to why he can see her, but not wanting to question a good thing. We find a bench a small ways away from the crowd.

"These have always looked so delicious," Lucy says, and watches closely as I take a bite. It's a little weird, but it's worth it to let her live the modern Halloween dream, vicariously or otherwise.

"They're amazing. I love them. I nearly ruined my braces one year because I got away from my parents and stole one from the booth."

"You're a veritable criminal. What's it taste like?"

"Well, I mean. It's a caramel apple. It's, uh..." I frown, trying to figure out if caramel would be different now than it used to be. It's just fancy, goopy sugar, right? Plus a load of high-fructose corn syrup, I guess. "It's sweet and gooey on the outside. You know, caramel. And the apple's sour underneath, and crunchy. It's two completely different things, but they come together into something awesome. Kind of like us." It's the cheesiest thing anyone has ever said in the history of the world, and I can't help but cringe as soon as it's out of my mouth.

But Lucy only laughs. "Just so."

Her dark eyes shine as she looks out at the fair. The Jack o lanterns grimacing, the kids running around and laughing. Electricity and music and fun. After I finish the apple, we just walk around, Lucy pointing out things she recognizes and giving me a brief history, or asking me about things she doesn't know. I list off no shortage of video game characters running past us, kids dressed up as heroes and monsters hyped up on sugar and fun. The last of the sun's rays dip behind the horizon, and the electric lights fill the world with a hundred different colors.

[Lucy is enamored with it all, westruck and almost alive in the warm carnival lights.]

She's so beautiful in the moment that I forget myself and reach out, thinking to tilt her face towards me and kiss her. Of course, the second my hand brushes against her chin, a bolt of frozen dread shoots down my spine, and I flinch back with a yelp. 

Lucy looks over, trying and failing not to laugh as she apologizes.

"No, no, that was dumb of me. I forgot for a minute."

"What were you thinking? You know you can't touch me."

I shake off the heebie-jeebies, and shrug, keenly aware of how hot my face had suddenly become. "I was just thinking about how gorgeous you are when you get excited, and that I really wanted to kiss you."

A faint pink blooms across her cheeks, the only color in a sea of grayscale, and I grin like an idiot. "Come on," I say. "Let me take you trick-or-treating."

We follow a small crowd from shop-front to shop-front. Lucy grins, shouting Trick or Treat every time and watching our little pumpkin buckets fill up with candy bars and goodies. I put a vampire sticker on my bucket and show it off. We're acting like kids, but I don't care. It's fun, and she's laughing, and it's all I can do to stop myself from kissing her again and again and again.

Hours later, we've gone through a small maze of hay-bales, entered and lost a costume contest, and applauded as a flash mob performed a few dances in the middle of the food area. I took her to the row of carnival games next, featuring a mix of new games with basket balls and water guns, and, much to her delight, more traditional games. Lucy makes a beeline for the milk bottles, and tells me the rules even if I already know them.

"You want me to win you a prize? Go on, pick your favorite."

She beams, and looks over the rows of stuffed animals to win. "That one," she says, indicating a teddy bear dressed up like a vampire on the top row. It's at least two feet tall.

"As you wish," I say, and pay the nice man to play. I know the games are rigged, but I don't care. I'm too strong and too stubborn to do anything but make a show of winding up my first ball, and tossing it -- only to miss the pyramid of milk bottles entirely.

Lucy laughs.

"Right. Okay. Just warming up. This one's gonna do it, first try." I throw again, but it goes wide once more, hitting the back of the game booth with a soft thunk.

"Come on, Kaz. You've got this."

"I've got this," I say, with confidence I don't deserve. It's the last ball, and I close one eye, doing my best to focus on the target, and not the beautiful woman next to me bouncing on the balls of her feet, watching me with all the earnestness and support in the world.

I pull my arm back. I breathe out. I aim.

I throw.

And miss.

Lucy cheers uncertainly.

I play three more games, determined to get Lucy the vampire bear, but in the end, my biceps mean nothing when my aim is shit. I managed to hit one single bottle of the top of the pyramid, and win a little palm-sized Frankenstein instead. I pout when I take it, even if Lucy makes a show of cooing over it to make me feel better.

As it gets closer to midnight, we make our way to the outer limits of the fair now, walking together with the spoils of the night. Candy, stickers, key chains, and little Frankenstein. Lucy recounts the plot of the actual book to me, and I tell her about the various movies and how Boris Karloff basically shaped what we see as Frankenstein today.

It's cold out now. I shiver every now and then, but Lucy is untouched by the cold as always.

[sitting on a bench Somehow she hands something to Lucy, who feels brave enough to try touching something, only for it to not work.]

"Ah..." she hesitates, hand still outstretched as we look at the toy, sitting askew on the bench between us. It's a sad sight. "It seems the veil can only thin so far." There's such a forced lightness in her voice that I feel something tugging in my chest.

Nothing can ruin this night for her. Not even little toy Frankenstein. I pick him up and manipulate the doll into doing a silly little dance, while putting on a stupid voice and singing an old show tune.

When her laugh doesn't convince me, I reach out with my free hand to put it over hers. She may not be able to interact with the rest of the world, but I'll give her as much as I possibly can. But rather than phasing through and suffering from a bout of heebie-jeebies, my hand rests gently on top of hers. It's not quite solid, something fragile and barely there, but it's her hand, tangible and real. "Oh," I say.

"Oh," she agrees.

 My face burns, and I look up to meet her gaze. Her brown eyes, nearly black in the low light, looking right back into mine.

My stomach twists in an anxious, hesitant joy as I start to lean forward. My heart leaps in my throat. Lucy leans forward as well, lips beginning to part. My stomach flips again.

My stomach twists into knots.

I turn away just before it turns itself inside out, and I vomit into the ground. Black bile splatters on my shoes, and the smell makes me heave all over again.

I look up miserably, thinking to make a joke about eating too much sugar -- but my mouth moves of its own free will, with words that aren't my own. "Well," it says. "It's about time I got a handle on things around here."

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[mejomonster]

I started Koisenu Futari and I wish alloromantic people could see like the first 10 minutes alone. So much of our main characters discomfort at being assumed to be flirting, being pressured to pick up on signs and be putting out signs, social norms and expectations, how people sometimes actively conflict with your behavior if you simply live your life without thinking in romantic terms/acting flirtatious/assuming, is what all kinds of aromantic people deal with. And the show does a good immediate job of showing how disruptive to a person's daily life that can be - just being your normal self, and people getting mad at you for not reading something they never said out loud, or assuming things of you, assuming a future for you and being annoyed you're not fulfilling it, society acting like your current life and life path isn't normal, etc.

Personal reaction below cut o3o:

On a different note just my personal reaction now lol. I'm demiromantic and god the opening to this drama REALLY hammers home why I hate a majority of fluff romance shows. A lot of them are "love at first sight" and rely on SO many situations that also happen in the beginning of this drama, but in this drama the main character acts like me: she's just being her normal self and this stuff is all pushed upon her and she just rejects it and step out of the sudden assumptions people make kindly and tries to move on. In so many "fluff romance love at first sight" things the main person is bafflingly smitten or overwhelmed and I get it cause it's a trope we are taught to understand after seeing so many times, but I don't relate to it and I've never experienced it and I'm never going to lol. This main characters experience is way more representative of how id react if unfortunately I ran into such situations. It's fucking refreshing.

Also I deeply love how much she enjoys her life, is happy with her friend, wants to move out with her friend. I felt just like her as I transitioned that part of life, and it's nice to just see it. In my social circle it's normal for people to move in with friends, prioritize friends like family (not just lovers), so her moving is what I did and makes sense to me. But I'm also very aware of the assumption friends may move out when they get a partner, will prioritize that more, and that society is generally expecting that so even when you're not doing it there's outsiders insisting it's not reliable or it's an odd living arrangement (like her family was). I like that she enjoys the life she's built.

It hurts my heart, but I relate and understand, to when she meets the man at the supermarket who says he believes there's people who don't fall in love. It's that moment when you realize you may not be alone, what you feel may be normal and actually have WORDS and concepts to describe it and a community of people like you! And suddenly you feel more like wow yeah I exist, my feelings are genuine, I am not alone and weird I am one of many people many tons who have felt like this and do and will and it's just like. That's why aces belong in lgbtq spaces (among many reasons). There is no space for people who feel aromatic or asexual and on that spectrum, in the majority of mainstream straight spaces. In the sense it still takes a person living into her adult life to even HEAR that how she feels is something ANOTHER PERSON also feels. It can take people decades to find out how they experience attraction or don't has a label, has a community, has people who can relate to them. And before even that just... simply can be a thing. I didn't know I was demi when I was a teen I just assumed all people felt like me, was confused when a lot of people seemed Not To experience stuff the same, and settled on maybe I was just a bit odd. Then one day I found a word for it and realized goddamn people Do feel this besides me, I'm not the only one who can't relate. It was the same experience being bi, not knowing ppl could like multiple genders until I found the bi community, and feeling "wrong" for liking multiple when adults and schoolmates would say "just pick" for ages. Or being trans, thinking oh whatever it was just my particular thing to cry about my gender and pray to be different, cause no one said to me that my gender could be different than what people call me as. So I just felt broken and confused until I learned there were words for my feeling, for who I was, and that I wasn't broken I was just something I had no words for before. Just like... people should be able to access community and information and feel less alone and more understood and accepted for being themselves.

The main girl in this feeling alone and not great every time people pressure her about romance and bring up how she doesn't act like them, I feel it in my heart. And I hope for whoever needs to see it, they see her isolation and want her and people who go through what she does to feel less of it. To feel more understood, to understand themselves more and have an easier time knowing how they feel is okay and its the fucked up pressures not understanding them that's frustrating.

Anyway I'm not even done with ep 1 just. Wow I feel like a lot of ppl could benefit a little just from seeing that first part.

[abarbaricyalp]

Hey! I absolutely adore your fanfics and I've started to come up with ideas for my own fics but somehow I'm stuck at actually writing them down in a fully formed version, I just have vague plot ideas and moments I want to happen in the fic but actually transforming it into a fanfic feels impossible to me -- I have a few lines here and there written out, but those are just tiny scenes. Maybe I just lack the creative drive and I'm simply not a writer. Still, I wanted to ask, do you have any advice for anyone who wants to get into fanfic writing? Where do you draw inspiration from?

Thank you so much for such kind words! I'm so glad my stories resonate with you! ❤️ And it's so exciting to hear that you're venturing into your own story making 🎉🎉🎉🎉

I've been thinking about this question since I saw it and I think my answer boils down to "you have to train your brain to be open and be thinking constantly." (Of course, by constantly, I don't mean you have to be taxing and straining yourself every single moment) Being a writer feels like a full time job (or hobby!) sometimes because my brain is always going. Does that streetlight inspire something? Is that weird tree a candidate for a new character? Was that joke funny enough to use in a fic? Do I wanna set something in an antique store just to include this weird timelessness vertigo I have? I'm gonna take a picture of that "cow crossing" road sign to use later.

I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I have distinct memories of being five years old and squirreling away stories in drawers all over the house. I've always been a voracious reader. My inner voice never stops. And my imagination has always been stronger than my attention span 😄 All of this to say, it feels like stories come pretty naturally to me, but that's because I've been making them up my whole life. I'm very sorry if this is not so helpful.

One starting point I've often come back to (even as a long time writer) is to WRITE stories the way you TELL stories. How do you talk to your family or friends when you're recounting an event? That's telling stories. How would you explain something you saw to someone taking a statement? That's telling stories. How do you recap an episode of TV or a book you read? That's telling stories. Sure, it's not as flashy and verbose as some written fiction, but it's still telling stories. And you may find that that is a voice you relate to as you're writing. Plenty of authors have a straight forward style. The more you stretch that story telling muscle, the more likely you are to find the rhythm of the story and your voice. If you're finding it difficult or daunting to write down a whole idea at once or you can't find the link between A and D, write down how you would describe it to someone. Nothing ever has to be a final draft, certainly not a first draft.

Similarly, start small. I can't tell you how many of my stories began as single lines of dialog or a quick scene image. It's totally fine to write 50, 100, 200, 300 words because that small aspect interested you. (It's fine to post that! If that's all you want to say or share about it!) I have a whole file of small moments like that, which I go through every now and then to see if the rest of the story has found me yet. Quite often, I think you may find that as you sit with a line or an image for a while, something else is going to slot into place. Maybe not the exact next line, maybe just a plot idea, maybe a character dynamic or new relationship. Let these things come to you. Or write down your idea and then just keep typing, even if it makes no sense. Writing is kind of like fishing sometimes. I just keep casting my hook out and waving the pole around until it catches on something. (You know, how normal people fish) Inspiration is important, but it's not the be-all and end-all of writing. Unfortunately, it's usually just the bait on the line. Writing can be a bit of work. You have to put in the effort after an idea grabs you and you have to keep writing on your own. There is, unfortunately, no divine delivery most of the time.

Inspiration is one of those things that you have to train your brain for. (Seems counterintuitive, I know) But hear me out: in any given day, an author will experience the same sights, sounds, news, movies, songs, and phenomena that every else around them does. Any of those things can trigger you into saying, "wait, this could be a story." I have plenty of posts on here where I talk about AUs based on movies or songs or video games because at the moment it struck me that this situation could be repurposed for a fic or a story. Interacting with other art in the world and learning to recognize tropes, emotional triggers, arcs, plots, conflicts etc etc and then how to play with and break them is definitely one way to train yourself to be open to Inspiration and new ideas.

Once you do have an idea, write it down. I promise you will not remember it, no matter how cool it was. Keep some paper or a designated notes app for these things. Be as thorough or vague as you like. I have so many random lines, character names, AUs, plots, and images saved. Ponder these things, especially if you're really grabbed by one. Think about what you would like to see with it. Who else is filling out the space? What is the end goal? Writing is full of big questions that may be answered easily, may need to be forced through, or may need to sit back and rest for a moment. I wish I had better advice here, but it really is just that sitting with your inspiration for a while can help your ideas so much, especially if you're stuck. Ideas want to talk to you. They (you) just need to find the words.

So inspiration doth strike. Now what? Like I said, now is the work. A whole fic will likely never come to you all at once. Take what you know of the fic-- your lines, your images, your trope etc-- and write them out. Then begin making the connective webs inbetween. This where the verbal story telling comes in. Quick lines often blossom into full scenes. Even if they don't, no biggie. You're learning the story here. You're getting to know it. You wouldn't expect to understand a person fully upon just meeting them. I've even created outlines before with my big ideas, then just kept getting more specific in the subheadings until much of the full plot was there and waiting.

This takes practice. Finding (and trusting) your creative voice is a skill that can be worked out the same as any muscle, but you do have to put in some hard work with slow results. Don't be afraid to backspace or go in a different direction. I can't tell you how many of my stories were supposed to be one thing but ended up going in a completely different direction to great results. Tell It To The Bees was supposed to be a quick, goofy Three (or five) And One story about Bucky getting caught talking to the bees, very silly and light, but once I started writing it, it became such a different story and I think it's so much better for it. Inspiration, imagination, interest, and desire are all working in tandem (or fighting) as you write. Along with learning to be open to inspiration, you must also learn to listen to these instincts as you write. Which really just takes practice and trust. I'm sure you are already in tune with these things inside of you. Let them roam as you write too.

It sounds like your creative voice is awake and kicking! Now it's just about putting in work-- pay attention to the world and art around you, write often and badly and slowly and smally, and figure out what connective webbing looks like for you. Stories really are living things. You have to give them the space, attention, resources, and love to grow, and you have to help them along. Don't be discouraged that you're just beginning this journey but can't sprint to the finish line right now. Writers are also living things, who need space, attention, resources, and love to grow 😊 Just keep writing and taking risks and you'll see a pay off.

Oh! And READ! READ EVERYTHING. Creativity rarely grows in a vacuum. You have to see good art to make good art. You won't know what possibilities are unless you're out seeing what other people are doing. A certain turn of phrase, a camera movement, character interactions, descriptions, these all can inspire you or just give you the knowledge and confidence to grow as a writer. Read everything you want, watch everything you like, listen to music and pay attention to the lyrics or the instrumentals, devour podcasts and news stories, go to art museums and make up stories to go along with the pictures. The whole world is there to teach you and help you grow.

[st0rmyskies]

May I do one of those answer all the questions things again? Mwah😘

Of course you may bae. Let's get to the ones I didn't get asked.

Under the cut for length.

✨What's a fic you've posted you wish you could breathe life into again and have people talking about it? (or simply a fic you wish got more credit)

I have too many active projects to have any that I want people talking about more. If anything I wish I could stay focused on one series HSH as opposed to having the braincell pulled in 800 other directions.

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Live reacts are the shit. Really though any thought-out comment makes my day. I put a lot of effort in to what I put out there, so having that recognized - to have people pick out subtle themes or characterization notes or what have you - is really rewarding.

🌈is there a fic that you worked *really fucking hard on* that no one would ever know? maybe a scene/theme you struggled with?

I think y'all know that I work pretty hard on what I put out there. My biggest struggle right now is the climax of HSH, just too many moving parts and I need to make sure I do everyone justice. Yes, even Number.

🦋what are you most insecure about when you post a fic?

Whether or not I'm outing one of my own weird kinks.

🌿how does creating make you feel?

Relaxed. Stressed. Elated. Drained. Productive. Like I'm wasting my time.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

Hard question. Like, my style of getting things down or putting words in order or ???. Idk I'm stubborn so perhaps I'm fixed.

🎉how often do you celebrate completing & posting a work? how often do you give yourself the credit/validation that you seek from others when you post? (if you don't, you should!)

Completing and posting a work feels good, but I don't really seek validation through posting. I just... put it out there. Read it, or don't.

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

The language, by far. Language can either immerse you in a given scene or bitchslap you straight out of it. It can make a given character's actions seem brash or planned, their motivations selfish or selfless. The importance of word choices CANNOT be overstated.

🕯️was there a fic that was really hard on you to write, or took you to a place you didn't think it would take you?

Among Us got really hard to write because the ending is Not Good. That story helped me realize that I really can't do bad endings.

🍭why did you start writing?

Because I wanted to read Marth/Roy (SSBM) fic and couldn't find anything I enjoyed well enough.

🤲what do YOU get out of writing?

I get to create the kind of stories I'm interested in reading.

☯️how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

Engaging with fans and other creators through tumblr and discord has really broadened my creative horizon. It's made me think about the potential of characters I otherwise wouldn't have considered exploring, and explore sides of characters I didn't even imagine could be there.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

80% sure that by the end of HSH: The Brave, Time is going to be walking with a cane.

[the-healing-mindset]

Hii!! I don't know where to start with my experience but I saw some posts on your blog that I can relte to on a level I never did with other posts before so I thought I might get some useful advice from you, I was a VERY confident person, I never had trouble being myself, and never found trouble mingling anywhere. But last year the girls in my class were all very insecure and they just loved bashing me for simply not being insecure really. So, I realized I only had breakable confidence and it broke after these girls treated me sh!tty for 9 months straight.

I didn't realize it till around September last year, it was my first month in a new school and I noticed that I had zero social skills and I could barely move without thinking what people might say in their heads abt me, I kept hiding and avoiding the spotlight tho that's not like me at all! I even cried when a teacher asked me a question and I gave her a wrong answer. It was so bad almost like I was in another person's foot, like I'm not myself like I just existed yesterday.

Anyways, nothing changed the first semester I was just confused and crying everyday waiting for something to change, nothing did. I stayed like this for 130 days, then I started to actually work on myself and now, 145 days later I kinda made things better, I can stop hiding in public places. but still I can't stop feeling shame whenever I do something like myself. I really would love to know if you have tips on how to get rid of this feeling, the second semester is pretty close and I'm determined to get my full confidence back before it starts, also sorry if this is long but I just got too comfortable. :))

These are the asks I live for!!! Two things to start off. First, I want to thank you for submitting this ask because through it, I can see that you still know yourself more than you are aware of, something I'll get into deeper a little later. Second, I want to apologize in advance because my response will get a little lengthy, so no need to apologize on your part. I love the detail that you write with. 💜

I am so sorry that you have had the misfortune of dealing with shitty people. Really. I never use language like that, but I know the experience, so I won't beat around the bush, and it's a good thing that you aren't doing so either. You've looked through the blog already, so I won't make this response about me as you have likely seen my posts concerning the similar stuff, but I can relate to EVERY word you typed and each feeling that you described above. I know exactly how tough it is to go from having that confidence where you feel like you can conquer the world (or the days and weeks at least), to staying in bed because the world is just that scary. Hiding because you just get so tense that if anyone says anything to you, you freeze and get even more nervous and possibly burst out in tears because it's just so overwhelming. Not being able to assert yourself because you get so caught up in your head about how the other person may feel. I've been there. And I am working through this exact thing right now after nearly 18 years of having been treated that way.

Remember earlier when I said that you still know yourself more than it feels like? Most of that is because you have that awareness of how you feel down to almost a science. I recognized that immediately because I have a very similar trait. The detail of exactly how long you have been feeling a certain way and how long you have been working on yourself and getting better is something that not many other people are able to do. Having this awareness is helpful, which should give you some hope. Be proud of yourself for this. On to a few tips.

This may be annoying, because it was to me when I was looking for ways to break myself out of this state of mind, something that I began describing as "shell-shock," though I know that has a different meaning, but it helped me in further describing the feeling to myself. Though this wasn't meant to be the first tip - (and it isn't the annoying one either, lol, but this is how my thoughts have started to flow) - find words that are true to you to describe the way you are feeling. These words do not have to be appropriate, and they don't have to be kind, friendly, nice, or what ever other descriptor you want to attach. They just have to be true to you and to the way you are feeling. Journal and write these feelings out. You don't have to journal whole sentences at first. Start out with just maybe labeling at the top of the page, "words that describe how I feel" and go from there. Phrases can be included in this. Move on to whole sentences if you feel like that is something that would help you out. I know that it may be scary to keep a journal, especially if you live with others, which I did as I filled up my first seven of them. But writing really does help you process what you are feeling and what you are going through (think of the comfort you felt as you were writing to me.) That's the key.

Also just another piece to go along with this (tip 1.5). In addition to pen and paper, you could do little video journals of yourself using the front-facing camera on your phone. Almost like a vlog, but you will be the only one watching it back, and you can get more personal with it. I know it sounds a little weird, and it will be at first, but it's something that I started in early 2022 and it helped me because one of the missing pieces for me is that I had stopped seeing myself. I was no longer visible to the one person who could help me out of my situation. Make sure you look directly into the camera while talking your feelings out to yourself. When you play it back, you will be looking directly at yourself from the other side which can help you rebuild that social muscle. You don't have to stare at it the whole time, of course, but it allows for a more natural eye contact feel when you play it back. As I said, I know it's a weird one, but in our healing, sometimes it's the weird things that help us the most.

This second piece of advice is the annoying one that I was talking about, because it is one that everyone talks about nowadays. Meditation. I know. It isn't for everyone. I have started and stopped SO many times over the past 8 years, but I have finally gotten to a place where it helps. When I am not able to do meditation, I just do diaphragmatic breathing. In simple terms, it's just breathing deeply into your tummy instead of into your chest. The guide I linked from Harvard Med should give you a good idea of how to start out. With a little practice, you will be able to do this anytime without having to lie flat, but it really works wonders when you have time to do it that way. Recently, and I am talking just within the past two weeks, breathing this way has helped me out tremendously with that social anxiety that you were describing above. It allows me to get deeply anchored into my body and out of my thoughts for just a little while, which gives me space to feel freer and let more of my personality shine through. If you feel yourself getting tensed up, just try it out and see if you feel better. If regular meditation doesn't work, then guided meditations may help a little better because someone else is there guiding you along. It may take a little while to find ones that are suitable to you, but don't worry if you can't do that immediately. Please don't give it up just after a few tries if it doesn't work for you immediately. Feeling yourself get back into occupying the entirety of your body is something that helped me feel more like a person instead of just a reactive "thing" so to speak. I'm not saying that that is the way you are, but that is how I felt about myself - and still do from time to time when I am thinking about how I was treated.

Lastly, while you are in the midst of feeling off or tense, even if there are no other people in your immediate environment causing this, start talking to yourself as a mother would her child who is afraid. Another strange one, I know, but just bear with me. When I first noticed myself feeling like you described above, I had no idea what was going on, but after about two years, I noticed that in those moments, I felt like a scared and helpless child, a feeling that came back to me late one evening as I was writing, and that I remembered actually feeling when I was a child so many years ago. The remedy? Remind yourself that you are safe. As you are anchoring yourself in your body through your deep breathing, remind yourself that everything around you is okay. Remind yourself that you are a capable person and that you are capable of navigating your life, even if things get a little unfamiliar at times. I know it sounds a bit weird that you will be talking to yourself out loud, but try it when you are alone sometimes. If you happen to be far away from others for a few minutes, or at home with no one else around. After a while, you will be able to do this in your head when you're afraid or feeling tense, which means that no one will know the wiser. Also, going back to tip 1.5, you could record little voice memos for yourself and play them back during tough moments if you have some earbuds. Something calming and that puts you at ease.

Through all of this and as you continue to learn and grow, I hope that you become a safe person for yourself. Someone you come to rely on first and foremost. Not saying that you aren't now, because you do have that awareness and emotional intelligence that many people are lacking nowadays, you've just become a little insecure within your own skin based on other people, something I can relate to til no end. We just need to block them out and let ourselves in.

[frostythefrostedfox]

This is one of those things that when I say that I get it, I really mean it, and I hate a lot

Some people would put an imaginary bar and if you can't vault over it like the olympics, you aren't deserving of X title or Y name, and everytime you use it to describe yourself you will be questioned, the first assumption is that you are lying/making it up, and not in a regular curiously inquisitive manner, as if I just said that I have a shark bite on my inner thigh and someone went like "Wow that's so cool, do you have any pictures?", is more of a suspiciously shady manner, almost saying "Show it to me right now or else you're lying"

Also how casual people seems to be about these sort of things in both ways, the ones that put themselves at the top treat the whole thing as if they were playing the painolimpics, and the gold medal goes to the one that struggles the most. "You aren't autistic enough", "You don't look hispanic enough", "You asian features aren't that noticeable", "Your deafness aint that bad" are some of the ones I tend to hear the most, but that list goes on and on and on and on, almost endlessly, although the wildest one I have heard is "You're a fake leftie", this came up after I said I was left handed yet the person had seen me write with my right hand before, I had to go on this huge explanation about how South America being South America, left-handed accomodations are sparse and sometimes nonexistent, so it was either be uncomfortable in a seat I couldn't use, yoink it from the other lefthanded kid in my class or simply suck it up and learn how to write with my right hand, spoiler alert: I did the latter (and my handwriting is still better than theirs)

And the other ones, the ones that believe that you are just like them becuase thay can't see "anything different" or "wrong" with you and simply assume just want to put a quirky label on you because it sounds cool, since you don't display the most stereotypically overused traits of X or Y, then you obviously don't have it and you're just faking it for atention, I am deeply sorry I am not mispronouncing every single word in every language that aint Spanish in an overexaggerated accent enough for you to get a gist of where I come from, and I guess I should also apologize for your inability to pick up a book about world history, because it would very easily explain why I have some asian facial features despite my last name being of Italian/Portuguese descent yet it is written in Castiallian Spanish and how all of that correlates with the country I was born in, if you can even put it in a map after I name it that is

I certainly have not experienced ALL the bad things someone with my labels could very easily go thru, and I certainly do not get how bad certain things can be because, again, I haven't gone thru them not a single time in my life, but that doesn't means that I haven't had similar hardships or that I just got to coast it and never have to worry about a thing

I do not know sign language, and I will never know how disorienting it can be to live without ever hearing a sound, but that doesn't means that I don't have trouble understanding people because they sat in my deaf side, or that I have to turn my head awkwardly when someone is speaking at me in noisy or crowded spaces.

I have never had much trouble with people understanding what I am saying nor have I ever been ridiculed for the way I pronounce of certain words, so I really don't know what it's like, and I hope I never find out, but that doesn't means that I don't have trouble with how abonormally slow I talk in anything other than Spanish and how sometimes that gets on people's gears as I take far too long to just express the most basic idea and have been told to "get done with it" or straight up having to change the conversation because the other person loses interest.

How casual Othering other people has become really makes it feel like being stuck in the middle is way worse than being on any of the extremes sometimes, because the people that looks like you don't like you because you don't act like them, and the people that acts like you don't like you either because you don't look like them.

Sincerely, what the fuck?

Credit: @pet_foolery

[theradiowaves]

Did some deep discussion about traumatic experiences yesterday, and am reeling at some posts I saw just now, so I wanna... kicks dirt. Talk about it? Shrugs.

I was bullied, as a kid. As a teenager. As an adult. School was the most horrible time of my life. I was clearly mentally ill, but undiagnosed due to a father who was scared to think his child could have the same problems her mother had.

Bullying, straight up, is harassment. People don't think so because we associate it with children/being childish. But... that is what it is. It is abuse received from your peers. And it is so strange that people seem to not realize that when we have such large (and generally useless) anti bullying campaigns. When we have reminders of what being bullied can do to a child.

...

Anyways, I speak on it because the core of some of my plurality certainly blossomed from that. People will say they were imaginary friends, and perhaps that is all they were. But those imaginary individuals were real to me. They helped me survive when everyone I knew was against me. My fantasy world was my only safe space, and I'm always wanting to be there even now.

It definitely WAS due to that sort of harassment that my head mates began to properly appear. Ingo was Me, separating into his own entity because I needed stability during very stressful times. I have an old diary where I wrote about him, and he wrote back to me. To the diary itself.

I had headmates who warped and changed and merged over time. There used to be Snatcher and Wrathia here. They ended up merging with Dameta. He is still who he is, but we know that they became a part of him, even if he does not identify with them.

I had a headmate who represented the part of me that was evil and angry, who wanted to harm others for harming me. They've faded away, bits and pieces becoming part of those who are here now.

Maho formed because I needed someone who made me feel completely safe.

Al formed for many reasons. Most we don't like to share.

We don't remember what made Dimi form. But he is here and has been for years. Dimi likes taking the piss with others and having fun, while our own interactions are few and uneventful.

We used to have Sir Falspar. He is gone now, but we remember him clearly. I identify with him, so I think he returned to me in a way not unsimilar to that of Ingo or DMK separating from me.

There used to be others. Those when we were little. When things were the worst. Those who we felt at our side and lived life alongside us. Most have merged or disappeared. It feels weird. Kinda sad. But the brain does as it will.

... They are important to me. Everyone here, who has come and gone, who may eventually show up or disappear.

I'm not diagnosed with DID or OSDD. The things I experience are explained by other things I struggle with. Most of them, anyways. My alters formed from trauma or a dissociation of self due to my shaky identity issues. Or simply because one day they were there and I nodded and went okay, here you are.

I don't get amnesia. I don't leave the front. They join me there, speaking on rare occasions with others if they feel it safe and enjoyable to do so. (Not so much anymore because of being told we are fake or asked not to use system terminology despite how much we were hurt).

For years I described myself as a median system, and that is a term that feels the closest to correct, still.

But we don't focus on figuring it out specifically anymore. Of course, if we find something that fits? It is really, really nice.

But we're tired of having to have words for it. We are tired having to try to define or defend. We are ANGRY that we have been forced to question everything because we don't have solid memories and explanations or have unique brain quirks.

We ARE here. Whether it is because of trauma, loneliness, just showing up, or something else we can't explain.

I am me. We are Me. I want them to have a chance to express themselves if they do desire. I want them to be a part of what being Me is like to others.

We are not just me. We are the collective of us, even if the world doesn't know. Even if they don't believe us.

- 🌌

[lgczoe]

♥︎ ╱ ꜰʀɪᴅᴀʏ - ꜰʀᴜɪᴛ ᴛᴇᴀᴍ ꜱʜᴇɴᴀɴɪɢᴀɴꜱ ⤿ ᴘᴀʀᴋ ᴢᴏᴇ: ᴛʀᴀɪɴᴇᴇ ᴍɪꜱꜱɪᴏɴ 016

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Zoe sat eagerly, waiting for her turn to recount her day. Eating her food through her smile as her group began to share their tales of the day. She had been looking forward to dinner all day, definitely working up an appetite. Zoe felt energized by the positive energy in the room. When it was finally her turn to speak, Zoe's eyes brightened as she eagerly launched into a description of her day, her words flowing effortlessly as she recounted her experiences.

Today was pretty awesome if you ask me. I don't know why, but I was all jittery at first, *dramatic sigh*, but I didn't let it get to me. I remember thinking, "Wow, this place is amazing," when I saw how busy the village seemed. Hayoung and Eunhye, thank you both for greeting us warmly. I couldn't contain myself at one point; I don't know if you guys remember? When I went, "Thank you so much for having us. I'm really excited to be here!" That awkward silence for about 2 seconds was enough to not miss. I slightly crumbled on the inside, but I got it together quickly. But anyway, FRUIT TEAM ALL DAY!

Oh my goodness, can we discuss how friendly and welcoming the villagers were? As soon as we got there, they greeted us with open arms and big smiles. Seeing how happy they were to have us there to help them out was super cute. And can I just say, I had an absolute blast while working! We joked around, and I even laughed so hard at one point that my stomach hurt. We even sang some of our favorite tunes while picking the freshest and juiciest fruits we could find. Speaking of fruits, eating those fruits was such a unique experience that we had just picked ourselves. They tasted soo fresh and delicious; I straight up couldn't resist snacking on them as soon as I picked them. And the best part of it all... was seeing the joy on the faces of the villagers when we gave them the fruits we had collected. Their gratitude was so genuine that it made all of the hard work worth it.

It was just, ... such a fantastic experience! I can't even begin to describe my pride in our team and what we accomplished today. It really showed me the power of community and how important it is to help others. I feel so grateful for this opportunity and can't wait to see what else we can achieve this weekend. Thank you for including me in this adventure; it has been simply amazing!

Zoe finished her mini-rant and giggled as she grabbed her spoon again. She was thrilled, hoping that her infectious energy rubbed off on her peers. The girls stayed up a little longer after dinner, chatting before falling asleep on their futons.

[tamedstray]

✩ ( 👀 / stormsmerchant )

@stormsmerchant | 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

Send a ✩ to find out what my OC’s first impression would be of your OC, based on appearance, word of mouth and nothing else.

Was this necessary? Why are we being paraded, displayed, before these clients? Not that I could ever understand, of course, my job is to simply trust him, stay quiet, be polite to our guests...

      Everyone has their place in this house, even bastards, he says. I never liked that word, how he welcomed us into his home and still said it with such ire. I don't understand, why does it matter? And if it doesn't matter, why does it still hurt when he says it?

      A family. I know they are different to our family, but I can't explain. I feel it though. The room is warmer when they walk in.

      The girl is framed by her parents, like how they inlay statues into arches. Her hair. How do I describe it? It would be a challenge to do it justice, but I could try. I would need the inspiration, the muse, if I ever wanted to get better at poetry. Just for practice. I've already written everything I can about the flowers in the garden.

      A sorcerer? Oh. If we get anytime together, she's going to spend it with Hamil. It's fine, of course, I have my brothers... it's just... it would be nice to spend some time with other kids.

      Master Vigor, I hear him call my name in a rare and bright tone, prefers the company of books and flowers, but he will play you something on the piano if you ask him. He sings my praises with pride, but only to them. Why not to me? Please.

      I look at her and I don't see a bastard daughter. I don't see a lady to be woo'd, unless she let me. I see a child, like the ones I see playing in the streets from the balcony in my room, or over the garden fence. Maybe she likes poetry, and piano, and flowers. Or maybe she likes tag, and bulldog, and climbing trees.

      I bow, careful to keep my jacket straight and unwrinkled as I do, my right arm in front with a graceful flourish, and my left at an exact right angle behind me. Tipping my head in reverence, not too much, before raising upright and daring to look into her eyes. I smile, I can't help it. Am I allowed to smile?

      Please let me keep you company. Please let me show you the flowers. Please, tell me what the world is like outside of this city, outside of this house. Please, don't enter my life and leave without letting me know you better.