#I can't even begin to describe how happy I am to have been able to live through and experience kniretrick to its fullest

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

not to be unabashedly changed by a piece of media right now but when I tell you knifetrick means the world to me

[vanteguccir]

it's already midnight in brazil, which means it's already the triplets 21st birthday!

people say that sometimes, the people who feel closest to us are the ones we’ve never met in person. this perfectly describes my bond with them

these three guys aren't just the sun that brightens my day because even the sun sets. they're my stars, constant and unwavering, shining even in my darkest times. even when I can't see them, I know they’re always there

21 years ago, three boys came into this world, and little did they know, they would become the anchors in my life. they have transformed my world in ways I never thought possible, filling it with joy, laughter, and an unshakable sense of belonging. I love them more than words can express, and I am eternally grateful for their presence

Chris, Matt, and Nick are more than just YouTubers to me; they're my home. the sound of their voices brings me comfort no matter where I am. compliments about them feel personal, as if they're about me because they have become such an integral part of my life

I will never be able to express how grateful I am for them being the incredible individuals they are and for everything they've done, knowingly or unknowingly. I'm proud of each of them individually and as a trio. their hard work and dedication have not only brought joy to countless others but have also introduced me to friends within the fandom, provided me with countless laughs, and offered home on my worst days

their videos have been a source of comfort, their presence, a big and very full ball of hope. they've kept me company through the worst workdays and the best moments of life since the beginning of 2023. every time I think of them, I swell with pride; pride in how far they've come, pride in the joy they've spread so easily, and pride in the incredible community they've built

I'm grateful to them for brightening my days, for being there when I needed it most, and for bringing so much happiness into my life. here's to those amazing boys on their 21st birthday; may their light continue to shine brightly for years to come

[mondaymelon]

— 𝗵𝗶𝘀. ♥

໒꒱ || :feat~ diluc, venti, xiao, abyss!aether x gn!reader ໒꒱ || cw: this wasn't supposed to be yandere... but it morphed into one. (WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE SOFT XIAO AND EVERYTHING... mb) ໒꒱ || ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ (open!) : @manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @achlysis, @swivy123, @solxima

⤷ how they make you theirs. ♥

A heart-shaped box of chocolates and a fresh bouquet of red roses? There's no doubt it's DILUC who's left them on your doorstep.

It's not uncommon for the stoic man to find it difficult to express his emotions... and often, the redhead feels as if you aren't aware of how much he adores you.

Ah, but then again... his affection for you is much more intense than he'd like to admit, so perhaps it's for the better that you remain unaware.

That said, it can't hurt to leave a couple of gifts for you, right? Presents are a thing that are meant to make one happy, and whenever you're happy, so is he. Anything from sweets to flowers, possibly even a handful of jewels or a pendant... leaving them for you is the least he can do to make sure you know how loved you are.

Or perhaps... "love" isn't exactly the suitable word to describe the expanse of emotions he experiences whenever he sees you... after all, how could a mere four letters explain such a feeling that seemed to consume him, devour him whole?

But that aside, if you happen to confront him about the matter, softly thanking him with a faint tint to your cheeks... be careful, he might not be able to hold back his feelings any longer! As soon as you excuse yourself, Diluc mutters into the air, one gloved hand tentatively covering his mouth, his face flushed beyond belief.

"Ah, next time, should I gift you the severed hand of anyone who dares touch what is mine?" ♥

What should've been just one drink with VENTI has turned to two, to three, to...

It's almost laughable, how the drunken bard has practically attached himself to your arm, clinging to you what seems to be rather loosely - yet the moment you try to weasel out of his grasp, his arms tighten around yours.

You can see by his dazed expression and the way a drunken flush has descended across his face that he's far from sober... and you're quite sure that you aren't better off yourself. Sensing his gaze, you turn as the male begins to speak, his words hopelessly slurred together.

"Hey hey, why do you keep trying to... escape...?" He pouts as he leans closer to you, pressing his face against your arm. "I...I'm not that unbearable, am I?"

"Eh? No... it's just a little hot in here... and you're too close. Back up a bit, would you?"

"Don't wanna." Did he usually act like this, or was his current state just making him all the more clingy? You supposed it didn't really matter, but the room did seem quite warm, especially with how Venti's heat mixed with yours... oh, were you blushing? Was that what it was?

Perhaps that would explain the way there's this odd thumping in your ears... is that your heart's own rhythm? Ah, no, it must just be the alcohol taking its toll.

"Hehe," Venti's voice somehow rings crystal clear amidst your foggy senses. "You're quite cute when you're like this, you know~" Since when had you leaned into his arms? He speaks some more, but his next words are barely heard by your ears:

"It makes me want to lock you up so that only I will be able to lay eyes on you... a beautiful dove that is mine." ♥

There was something about you that seemed to draw XIAO in, a something that seemed to enrapture him.

And that fact, in and of itself, frustrated him. To feel so attached to something as fleeting as a mortal? Mortals, whose life could be vanquished like one blowing out a candle?

Ah, perhaps "frustrated" wasn't quite the word for it. After all, an angered someone wouldn't monitor your every move, would they? ...But he's doing this for your own good - at least, that's what he tells himself. Humans are fragile, more than anything, so he'll take the matter of your life into his hands and make sure you won't ever get hurt! He's truly being the benevolent adeptus, isn't he?

Oh, but now you seem worried, all of a sudden. You're trembling in his arms, weakly telling him about how you can always feel someone's gaze on you - how you're scared, how you... need him?

Fuck, he can't control the twisted smile that makes its way onto his face. You've admitted it, haven't you? You can't live without him.

And that's exactly what he wants.

To be beside you every waking second, to own your gaze, to own you... yes, he needs you as much as you need him.

As you curl up in his arms, basking in his quiet warmth as you slowly drift into sleep, his voice emits the quietest whispers.

"Don't worry, love. As long as I'm here, you won't ever need to worry about anyone. Your gaze, your attention... it's all mine." ♥

He had already traveled these lands once, and AETHER's once vibrant world had grown gray... except...

Oh, but then you appeared. An anomaly, but a welcome one nonetheless.

Yes, you were something stunning.

In this dead realm, you were alive. Alive in the way you looked at him and alive in the way your eyes seemed to light up at the sight of him. It's something that starts off small - that is, his feelings for you. For the time being, delightfully innocent. Yet those emotions would only begin to swallow him whole, to consume him, bind him into a pit of no escape.

When had these affections grown so dire?

Perhaps he had merely turned a blind eye. He is well aware of how his heart longs for you, how his mind has grown clouded with nothing but thoughts of you, how he wants you to be his, and his only... ah, but was that truly such a selfish thing to hope for? Surely not. After all, in such a place he resided in - where all would heed to his beck and call... surely he could have you, right?

"My prince, is something wrong? You've been acting distant all morning." You trail after him as he attends to his work, eyes full of concern.

He turns, slowly. "Why are you so hesitant to call me by my name?"

"Oh, but I could never..." You shake your head at the thought.

His eyes narrow as he takes two swift steps forward, grabbing your chin in his hand and forcing it upwards. "Then take it as an order. Say my name."

"...Aether."

It sounds so perfect on your tongue.

"Ah, that's it. Let my name grace your lips, and don't you dare let it go. After all, and I'll make sure of it... You're mine." ♥

(a/n) boo bitches im back <;33

[demonslayerunhinged]

Unhinged theory

Sanemi and Giyuu are exes (Part 2)

Ok so this part is just spoilers galore but if you don't mind then ok. Here's part one.

The second beginning

During the final battle after they have both unlocked their demon slayer marks. They are more open with each other, Sanemi has learned to trust others and Giyuu has learned to trust himself and Sanemi throwing the sword is awesome for him because it's Sanemi telling him that 'I trust you, don't let me down!' and Giyuu thinks 'Yes! I'll do my best!'. The previous training that they've done now comes into play because they know each other's moves and are able to fight together seamlessly!

The last shot of them eating Giyuu's favorite dish together not only calls back to Sanemi's offer, but I feel that it's also a way for Giyuu to begin opening up, like he's telling Sanemi 'This is me' and that he wants Sanemi back and wants to mend their relationship.

The side eye Sanemi's giving Giyuu is so funny because he seems wary. I can just imagine their conversation.

Sanemi: You'd better not fuck this up again, or I will leave your ass for good.

Giyuu (already playing the part of the whipped husband): Yes, dear.

Some proof

Like I said in the Part 1, I already talked about the romantic undertones in Giyuu's attempts to connect with Sanemi by his body language and expressions. It's obvious Giyuu wants him and now that Tanjiro has touched his heart a second time, he now has a stronger understanding of his emotions and what he wants.

Here, I'll list a bunch of tidbits that point to them having a previous relationship.

Giyuu and Tanjiro's discussion about Sanemi post coma-inducing punch should've stopped at theories as to what type of bean paste he likes, but they kept on talking about him. I don't think Giyuu would do that if he didn't know more stuff about Sanemi, maybe through their past interactions, his own observations or both.

Giyuu describes Sanemi as grumpy and hot-tempered in the Corps records, contrast this with his thoughts on Obanai. He feels sad and doesn't know why our snek boy doesn't like him but with Sanemi the short description he gives is similar to one I would give about someone I'm familiar who has a major flaw that I can't ignore that makes it hard for me to connect with them.

How did Sanemi know where Giyuu's training grounds were? Even Tanjiro who has spent a considerable time with Giyuu still needed a map for directions. You might argue that Sanemi's crow probably told him where Giyuu's place is, but neither of their crows are present during the entire scene. So Sanemi has to have known where, which means he's probably been there before and has sparred with him in the past.

I've talked about how their fight was similar to a conversation than actual training, and the way that they're able to perfectly counter and dodge each other's moves tells me that this isn't their first time sparring. There's also Sanemi's demeanor during the fight, in his training with Obanai and Muichiro, he was serious but with Giyuu he's...smiling? He was enjoying himself, even his taunts to Giyuu had a playful edge to it. It's like he's happy to be sparring with an old friend.

Giyuu's lack of reaction when Sanemi suggests that they beat each other up. He doesn't seem threatened, it's like he knows that Sanemi isn't actually going to hurt him and based on Sanemi's annoyance at Tanjiro coming between them, there's a small chance that Sanemi might have been joking and Giyuu knew it. It wasn't as big of a deal as Tanjiro made it out to be.

In Conclusion, Sanemi and Giyuu probably have history, which is why the vibes between them feel like they're an old, married couple.

*Yes, I am crazy and yes, this is an ADHD, 4 hours of sleep, caffeine-induced breakdown. Their relationship is my current hyperfixation, and I'm going to make it everyone's problem 🙂. It's all Ufotable's fault.

[quigonswife8]

Safe: Leon Kennedy x reader

Leon finds you half-dead and gets you to safety || gif creds: @swiftsalad

Warnings: blood, injury, swearing, nearly dying, sadness.

Leon deserves so much happiness, like god I just wanna comfort him and I wanna tell him how proud I am of him.

If Capcom doesn't let him be happy, I swear to god, I will pay them a little visit.

------

The sun has long since disappeared, leaving the moon as it's replacement. It creates an eerier environment- as now it's harder to see those after you.

It's been ten minutes since you were severely injured. The blood only coats your clothes more, and you fear you will die in a matter of minutes.

It's hard to focus on anything. You feel woozy and damn near collapsing- that would mean being open to dying. Not that it would be your fault. It doesn't even hurt- your side, that is. All you feel is numbness, and the overwhelming feeling of wanting to fall asleep.

"No." slips from your lips. Keeping pressure on the wound which is practically useless, you try and walk faster. "...I...can't...give up."

-------

You feel the hard ground against your knees as you fall to them. Your vision is hazy- restricting your ability to see. Your eyes droop, as you feel the need to welcome sleep. As much as you want to go on, you realise it's futile.

This is it for you. You're going to die in the middle of nowhere, your body probably set on fire like that poor cop Leon had told you about. You lift your head, only for it to drop, and for your eyes to focus on the ground.

You were strong. You got this far, at least. Now you'll be able to die knowing that you fought, though that still doesn't make things any better. As you feel yourself begin to give in- as you feel yourself begin to succumb to your wound- he comes to mind.

Then you pass out.

------

"Are you sure they're..."

"They're alright." the 27 year old replies softly. He looks over his shoulder a moment, to look at the young girl behind him. She smiles softly at him, and then looks forward.

It's been a long night. The day started out fine, but just went downhill from there. He had, and then lost you, in a matter of minutes. You had come up with the idea to lead a group of villagers away to protect himself and Ashley.

Leon is extremely worried for you, more than he can even show, more than he could possibly describe. You’re his partner, that he cares for so much He would do anything for you, he loves you more than he’s ever loved anyone.

"They have to be this way..." his expression is replaced with one of panic- his hand falls off the gun in his holster. Leon glances over at Ash, and then looks forward again.

"Shit."

Then, he runs over to the body on the ground. "(y/n)!"

There's no response, of course. "(y/n)." he kneels down in front of you, immediately noticing how you're not awake. The air suddenly becomes still- his heartbeat goes from steady, to uneven. It's like someone has taken a jackhammer and smashed it into his chest.

"Oh no..." Ashley mutters, covering her mouth with a hand. Leon is more focused on you to form some sort of response to her. "I'm sorry." he mutters, then listening to your heartbeat. It's very weak, but it's there.

You're dying, and he needs to do something before it's too late- "okay", blinking away tears, Leon begins to rip up a piece of his shirt, which he proceeds to press to the wound he'd found.

Then he lifts you into his arms, and stands. "We have to get somewhere safe." praying that he's done enough for now, he looks over at Ashley, "let's go."

-

He paces the room, while Ashley watches. Leon hasn't stopped pacing since getting you to this safe house, and he got you there over an hour ago.

Ashley had insisted he take a break, but he'd insisted on just pacing.

"They'll be fine Leon." she comforts, pulling her attention from him, and focusing it on you. Her heart hurts to see you this way. She considers you a close friend despite only meeting that day, and you feel the same towards her.

Though if you weren't her friend, she would still feel sympathy.

"I've seen them survive worse in these past couple of hours."

"And worse in the past." he adds on, continuing to pace. "...there was a lot of blood." he looks over at you. "...I hope I did enough."

"You did." Ashley replies, making sure to emphasize her words. "...you're the reason they’re alive, Leon."

If Ashley has learnt anything over these past couple of hours, it's that Leon would do anything for the people he cares about. She can see how much he cares for you, and that he would go to the ends of the earth for you. If that's not love, she doesn't know what is.

"Thank you Ashley." he nods to her, "...but..." though, he pauses. He doesn't want to dwell on things that may panic him more. So? he just continues to pace and push those thoughts away.

----

A day passes, until you finally wake. It's a little cold and the pain in your side has eased up thankfully.

Welcoming in the room as you open your eyes, you glance around. The first person you see is Ashley- she's fast asleep against the uncomfortable looking chair on the other side of the room.

Then, you look down- your eyes land on the large makeshift bandage wrapped around your torso.

Finally you look around for Leon. He comes into view straightaway, and he's pacing. How long were you out for, you wonder, and how are you even...alive?

"How long was I out...?" your throat is hoarse, and dry. Propping yourself up on the bed you realise you're on, you keep an eye on Leon. Leon who stops, and looks over at you.

The expression on his face quickly changes, and it's like he's now looking at a ghost. "(y/n)?" your name feels distant on his tongue, if that makes any sense. His lips ghost over the words, his eyes widening slightly.

"Yep." you reply, smiling over at him. "...it's me."

You're alive. After a whole day of worrying, of staying by your side and making sure that you would stay safe, here you are, finally awake. He can barely contain the tears in his eyes- he doesn't like crying in front of people, and usually hides his emotions anyway, so he does try to hide the tears.

Leon walks over to you, immediately kneeling down in front of you. His hands quickly finds yours, and then he brings them to his lips to pepper soft kisses on them. Leon's eyes have softened considerably, those same eyes seem on the verge of tears.

Leon is desperate to keep you close- he doesn't outwardly admit it, but he's too scared to let you go. To leave your side. He fears something may happen if he does, that you may simply disappear...and he just can't lose you.

"I'm here." he mutters. "I'm here, sweetheart."

Words faltering, and the tears fall from his eyes and drip onto your hands. Leon quickly looks away not wanting you to see him cry, and in all honesty, he feels pathetic. He should be strong- that's who he is. He shouldn't be weak like this, he shouldn't cry.

"Leon, it’s okay to cry..."

You glance over at Ashley a moment, noticing she's still asleep. You wouldn't want to wake her yet, she deserves this sleep. You pull your eyes away from the sleeping girl to look at Leon again.

Leon doesn't answer, but you can tell he's trying to fight back the emotions. You know how he is with his emotions, and the reason why he doesn't show them as much as he used to. Ever since the nightmare that happened in Raccoon city;

-

He'd confided in you, told you everything that happened when you were apart. That night, when you both returned to your apartment as you were there in the city [he’d managed to call you to tell you what was happening, and you’d left to get to him], you had just held him.

You promised to him you'd never let go. He'd clung onto you, he'd sobbed in your arms, broken down, and you had nearly cried yourself. To only be 21 and have to go through what he did would break someone, no wonder it broke him.

He had fallen asleep in your arms that night, and you had still held him. Your fingers through his hair as a soothing mechanism for him. Leon had wanted a fresh start with you after that, and god how he could have...but of course a wrench had to be thrown into his plans.

The wrench being the stupid government. Leon was forced to become an agent for them- if he didn't then the young girl he had helped save, Sherry, would be killed. This only broke your heart more when he'd returned and told you.

The months following were hard for him, training he would never forget. He was forced to endure exercises that drained him, forced him to 'harden up', though he'd already hardened up since Raccon City, if he's being honest.

It felt like a daze when he'd told you everything; how he was assigned by the president to rescue his daughter, aka Ashley, from the Los Illuminados. He'd told you he would be gone for...he didn't even know how long.

That's when you put your foot down. You'd told Leon you would be going with him- screw the government. Leon had tried to force you to stay back, but you reminded him that you had survived through raccoon city looking for him, and you had done a pretty good job at handling yourself. "I'm not letting you go alone, Leon. You should have someone with you."

By some surprise, the government had let you go.

-

"Leon..." you repeat. "...please look at me, sweetheart." The 27 year old doesn't, at first. You decide to put a hand on his cheek, in hopes your touch will get his attention "...please."

You smile when he turns to look at you...your smile immediately falters though, and then disappears. Leon is in tears- he looks on the verge of sobbing.

The only other time you've seen him this distraught was that night. It breaks your heart. "I nearly..." he starts, but immediately drops his head. "...I thought I was going to..." scootching slightly forward, you take one of your hands out of his to move to his hair.

Slowly you run your fingers through his messy hair;

"...but i'm here Leon. I'm here with you." he's the reason you're there in the first place. Leon buries his face into the bed, but oh how he wants to bury it in your shirt. To hear the way your heartbeat goes on- the way it's steady. The way it let's him know that you're alive.

"...and i'm not going anywhere..." you press a soft kiss to his head "...thanks to you."

Leon doesn't answer, he simply keeps his head down, as he continues to fight back the need to sob. "I love you." you mutter, as you press another kiss to his head.

His "I love you too." is so quiet, but you still hear him. His hand is still in yours, and you don't make a movement to take your hand that’s in his, away. Just wanting to give your love, and your attention, you fall silent.

Then, just like that, you're taken back to that night. When you had held him in your arms not caring how long it would be for. How you comforted him and let him know how much you loved him.

Right now you just want him to know that you're there, cause like you said: you’re not going anywhere.

[helpimstuckposting]

Okay this ones a bit sillier, I'm just a hostage writing their banter into existence. There is no stranger things without silly banter, and I am just a mere mortal passing the message, bound by the laws of this world. Still sad tho, can't forget that.

I’m a ghost and you are a shadow

Part one | part two | part three | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven

—

From his huddle on the floor, Steve felt more hands on his shoulders and his back, felt more arms wrap so tightly around him and he’d never felt more secure in his life. His cheeks hurt and the muscles in his neck pulled uncomfortably around the lump in his throat, his clothes were days old and covered in dirt from the woods outside, and he had no idea what was going on but his arms were full of Robin and he could feel Dustin clinging to his side, and Nancy carding her fingers through his hair. El and Max were crying, everyone was crying, but Steve couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this happy.

He was so scared, so scared, that when he let go it would all be gone. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it, this time.

He felt Nancy step back, the warmth from just above his shoulder gone and he panicked, tearing his damp eyes away from the crook of Robin’s neck to look up. She was still there, smiling with tears in her eyes and she looked so young all of a sudden, Steve could imagine her face aglow with the rainbow lights of the Upside Down Lite Brite, excitement in her eyes like a child waking up on Christmas to find everything she ever hoped for under the tree.

“I’m gonna get the first aid kit,” she whispered, shuffling into the hallway. Always the responsible one.

Robin and the kids finally pulled away, helping him to his feet, and they hadn’t disappeared. A weight in his chest lifted slightly, the unsurety of it all still pressing down but one piece had been relieved. They weren’t going to disappear on him.

They made their way from the kitchen into the livingroom, sitting Steve down on the once pristine white couch. It was now a dull eggshell, years of wear sinking the cushions in and making it more comfortable than he ever remembered. His parents would flip if they saw it. Not that he ever wanted them to come back.

Nancy entered the room with a small white tackle box, sitting down opposite Steve and Robin on the coffee table in front of them. He glanced to his side and noticed a smudge of blood on Robin’s cheek, the one she’d had pressed into his neck. She didn’t have a cut on her face and for a brief moment he wondered where the blood came from until Nancy pressed a wet cotton ball into Steve’s neck. He remembered the knife Eddie had held to his throat, the sharp movement he made when the party burst through the door earlier. The blade must have sliced him and he hadn’t even noticed.

The party was quiet as Nancy patched him up. For some reason, Eddie was nowhere to be seen. He seemed like the most suspicious out of everyone and Steve couldn’t figure out why, but right now there were clearly more pressing matters at hand.

Steve looked around the room at the faces he never thought he’d see again, in the house that was definitely different than his own in the slightest of ways, but more lived in, more comfortable. Full of pictures he’d never taken, but he was clearly present for somehow.

“What…,” he started to ask, throat scratchy, not really sure how to begin. Nancy put away the gauze and tape, closing the tackle box with a quiet click. Everything from the morning flicked through Steves mind and though most of it was hazy, he tried his best to piece it all together. This clearly wasn’t a dream, and it didn’t seem anything like Max had described Vecna’s mind powers to be.

“What’s the date?” He finally asked.

Dustin squinted at him. Okay, maybe Eddie wasn’t the only suspicious one. “It’s May 8th, 1990,” he replied, “It’s been six months since you died.”

Died. There it was again. But the date was correct, Steve remembered that much.

“Listen. I know this sounds… crazy, but-,”

“Crazier than a girl with superpowers and a hell dimension?” Dustin cut in. Steve blinked up at him. He hated when he was at a lower eye level than the kid, made him feel smaller like somehow Dustin was the adult in the situation. The tone didn’t help either. Steve missed it so much.

“Okay, fair.” He started again, trying to gain his bearings and make sense of the situation, put it into words that they’d understand. “You keep saying I died, but for me… I remember you guys dying.” He glanced at them all again. They were watching him with varying levels of confusion, Nancy’s lips were pursed and Max’s were, too, in a similar way.

“The last time we fought Vecna, a few of us barely made it out alive. It’s been… it’s been years since I last saw you guys.”

They were quiet. He watched as they flicked their eyes back and forth between each other. He felt like an outsider once more, like they were speaking a language he didn’t quite know yet, like he was back in the Byer’s living room while Jonathan and Nancy tried to get him to leave. Before everything fell apart.

“All of us?” Max finally spoke, asking the question they were clearly communicating between all of them.

“Not… not all of you. But, Will and El… Dustin, Max… Robbie,” he looked at all of them as he said their names. “The rest of the kids moved away with their families, Eddie left when Wayne died. I’ve been..,” he paused for a breath. They were all still so quiet, letting him finish, though he took a bit to stumble through the words, “I’ve been alone for years. The Hawkins I know is a ghost town and I have no idea how I got here.”

No one really spoke, they just kept looking at each other. Steve glanced back between each of them, feeling like he was failing some sort of test he never studied for. He always hated silence, lived with it so long it became loud and overbearing. He didn’t want it to be so quiet when he was surrounded by people.

“I don’t think I’m your Steve,” he finished, just for one more thing to say, one more break in the quiet.

“Parallel universes,” Dustin muttered to himself. He seemed almost… excited? Like there was a new code he cracked or a gadget he could take apart.

Nancy and Max just squinted at him, the former glancing back to Steve out of the corner of her eye, assessing. She always stayed quiet until she’d figured out the next move, calculated all the variables in her head before saying them out loud. Dustin seemed impatient, rolling his eyes to the heavens and back down again.

“Like The Dark Tower?” he tried, groaning when met with more silence. “Stephen King?” Steve briefly wondered if Dustin ever got tired of acting like he knew more than everyone in the room. The kid needed a reality check in Steve’s opinion, but unfortunately for him, Dustin usually did know more than Steve.

“You know how The Upside Down is like a copy of Hawkins?” Dustin tried again, and the crew nodded back. “Well that’s like our world folded over on itself, it’s an extension and not a separate entity.” He held his hands like two Cs, miming a piece of paper being folded in on itself. “But a parallel universe is like a completely separate world.”

Dustin suddenly clapped his hands together. Steve flinched at the sharp noise, but Dustin didn't seem to notice, separating his hands by just a centimeter and keeping them held out in front of him. “It’s an alternate dimension that runs parallel to ours, with just slight differences leading to separate outcomes.”

“Like Narnia?” Steve asked. Robin let out a soft ‘ohhhh’ and pointed at him. Dustin groaned and his whole body seemed to sag in a parental-like disappointment.

“No, Steve, not like Narnia!”

“I don’t know, it sounds kind of like Narnia,” Robin said.

“Yeah, Narnia was a separate world,” Steve nodded at her.

“Enough about Narnia! It’s not like Narnia!”

“Seems like Narnia,” Robin muttered, but Dustin ignored her and powered through, though El was giggling to herself and that seemed like a win in Steve's book.

“Narnia is an alternate universe that’s completely different than ours. I’m talking about the same world with the same people, but certain decisions cause a split that leaves the world slightly different than the next one. We’re all fundamentally the same, but some of our experiences might be different! For instance, our fights with Vecna turned out different results. Okay? Do you get it now?”

Max rolled her eyes “Don’t have a conniption, you’re not the only person in the room with brain cells, you know.”

"Okay, let's just..," Nancy began, holding her hands up placatingly, "Let's take a breath and pretend Dustin is right, that this is some kind of parallel universe."

"I am right," Dustin muttered to himself, though no one paid him any attention, all eyes focused now on Nancy.

“If Steve is from a parallel universe, then… how did he get here?” she asked. Eyes turned from Nancy to Steve again, and Steve did his best not to cower under the microscope. Carol had taught him to hide his emotions, keep calm and collected, ‘people will respect you more, Steve, just look like you don’t care’. He stared back at them.

“I just… I remember waking up in the woods-,”

“What were you doing in the woods?” Max interjected.

“I… it doesn’t matter. I took a nap and woke up in the backyard, that’s it,” he lied. He didn’t want to delve into his traumas now. Though these people looked like his family, they hadn’t gone through the same thing he did. They didn’t know him the way they should. He could tell them later, if he needed to, but not right now. Robin still looked at him like she knew, though, still seemed to be able to read his mind, ‘I’ve got two brain cells, Stevie, and one of them is yours.’

He sighed as the crew all looked at each other again, resigned to remaining on the outside of this team that wore faces he’d longed to see again. He wasn’t their Steve, and they weren’t his family. They had codes all their own, glances that meant something he couldn’t translate, memories he wasn’t a part of. Steve Harrington was always meant to be alone.

“Wait,” Robin broke the silence. Steve watched as he could see the gears turning in her head, it reminded him of the look she got seconds before cracking the Russian code at Starcourt. “Wasn’t there a gate near your backyard already? From Barb?”

Steve blinked at her. Parallel universe or not, it seemed some events stayed the same.

Nancy filled in Robin’s train of thought, bouncing to the next. “Like you somehow came from the old gate?”

“Did you know that keeping scars healed is a continuous process?” Robin’s train of thought bounced again, seemingly out of nowhere. “The body needs to constantly focus attention on keeping the old wounds healed, it’s called collagen synthesis, which requires vitamin C. So, if you get scurvy the body can no longer maintain the process and your scars can reopen. Bones that have been healed for like twenty years can actually shatter again, too, it’s pretty creepy when you really think about it, like we’re never really fully healed even after decades and-,”

“Robin,” Steve cut in. “Are you suggesting the universe has… scurvy?”

“No? Well… I mean, I guess. I just mean, what if closing the gates wasn’t just a one-and-done thing?”

Nancy seesawed her head back and forth, “Like, what was holding them together is no longer working?” she added. Robin nodded, holding her palms up like Vanna White, presenting Nancy’s contribution to the room.

“Isn’t that kind of a stretch?” Dustin asked.

“We could check the gates,” Max said, “See if they’re still closed?”

El nodded, sitting up a bit straighter, “I can feel them out, see if anything has changed.”

They all worked so well together. Steve had forgotten how easily they came up with plans, the pounding of his heart against his chest as adrenaline raced through his body, sharpening his mind. It all felt so quick, so practiced, no time for dilly-dallying, no time for uncertainty. But… if they found out the gates had opened again, what then? Would he need to go back to his world in order to close them? He looked at each party member one by one, took in their enthusiasm at creating a new plan, at figuring out a puzzle placed in front of them. What if he didn’t want to go back? What was there to even go back to?

“Maybe-,” Steve cut through their chattering voices, and they paused to focus on him. “Maybe we should just check the backyard first. See if that gate is open, and then we can worry about the rest. We should also probably tell the rest of the party, they don’t know any of this has happened yet.” And maybe that could buy him some time.

Just… just a couple more days, a couple more hours at the very least. They weren’t his family, but they were closer than he’d ever thought he’d have again. He wasn’t quite ready to give them up just yet.

“Right,” Robin said, placing her hand gently on Steve’s arm. He wondered how desperately she had craved her own Steve’s touch, if she had sat awake at night feeling like half of herself was missing, ‘two brain cells, Stevie, and one of them is yours.’

She squeezed his arm, and he already knew the answer. She was still Robbie.

“We should call your mom,” Nancy nodded.

“My what?”

—

It’s the little things 👀 expect the unexpected, Stevie

@weirdandabsurd42 @sirsnacksalot @space-invading-pigeon @aliea82 @goodolefashionedloverboi @emly03

[ominous-feychild]

Guys I literally JUST realized a thing about my autism/masking/alexithymia. I noticed there was an alexithymia tag here on tumblr and when I investigated, there was this one post listing these symptoms:

and I just--

I've had these exact, MAJOR struggles through my whole life for one.

But for two, and what's really interesting in my opinion...

Yesterday, I was having a video call with my mom. I've been off of some medications that I'm supposed to be taking because of financial issues, so my mental is NOT in a great place and I've had NO spoons for the past month. But while on call with her, she seriously, unironically, asked me if I thought I really needed the meds. Because, apparently, I "wasn't acting like I needed them" or something like that. And I'm sure I don't need to explain why that pissed me tf off.

But, like... at the time, the closest thing I could come up with for an answer was that "I have no spoons and no energy to do anything"; "I lived 17 years without meds, I kind-of know how to fake it"; and "I haven't had much socializing lately, so I have enough Social Energy™ to fake being okay right now."

Now that I'm not being put on the spot and after reading that post, I'm slowly figuring out that I've always done this. I mean, I've obviously always struggled to describe my own emotions and need to analyze my physical reactions to figure them out, but like. I'm just now starting to realize that I've really struggled to describe exactly how I'm "feeling bad" or, in fact, that I am feeling bad at all.

I mean, again, considering the alexithymia, that last part is a given. But it's kinda putting into perspective exactly how I've always had to understand "I don't have the energy to do anything" or "it's incredibly difficult to do anything" or "something deep inside of me feels Wrong™ and I can neither address nor identify it". I'd just passively have those "feelings" and struggle to continue life despite them.

It brings back thoughts of my struggles with masking, and how I was never diagnosed with autism as a child. Looking back, it should've been incredibly obvious. I had SO many of the tell-tale signs. But I guess it wasn't today, and there wasn't anywhere near as much awareness of what those signs were... but really. Textbook.

I'm sure my masking made it more difficult to recognize the signs as I got older. Hell, I even read over different "autism diagnosis checklist"s countless times, thinking to myself "oh wow it's a lot like me!... exceeeeeptttt--" and moved on from there.

I keep digressing. My point is, since discovering my autism and how it was hidden by masking, I've always wondered where my mask ends and where I begin. Most of the time, I feel like I feel nothing, even when I'm not depressed. I've been told I don't show my emotions, like when I'm happy (aka my chest is light and I feel free). That, or people can't tell when I like/dislike them (though that's partially a trauma thing). Other times, I've been told I'm smiling when I didn't even realize I was happy, much less that I was actually smiling. Some people have told me I'm incredibly easy to read, that my emotions show very clearly. But how can they when I feel like I feel nothing?

Which leads me back to what I said earlier, my conversation with my mother. How she asked if I actually need my meds because "I don't seem like I do". I guess I kind-of understand now, why she might've seen it that way. Do most people always show signs of how they actually feel? And how does the fact that I "don't feel" effect what I show?

I've wondered about that for a while. How much of how I act is because I was trained to, one way or another? How much of the emotion I show is because I learned to? Do I even show the emotions I feel? I really can't know because the people I know irl, who would better be able to tell me how I act, aren't understanding of any of these things. My older sister is lowkey ableist and thinks she sees the grand plan of the universe, my mother is too "pull yourself up by the bootstraps!!!" to accept Spoon Theory or mental health struggles, and just about everyone else in my life comes and goes as quickly as the wind.

Anyhow, this was a long rant that I've kinda had half-formed thoughts about for a while. Thanks for reading, hopefully this can help or entertain whoever stumbles upon this?

[olivieblake]

I know it's SO silly to avoid posting spoilers on a fic that was written almost a decade ago but @wonniesverse asked about what happens in chapter 35 or 36 or whatever of Marked (you know the one) and I am putting my answer under the cut!!! it's unfortunately kind of a short answer lol

hi! i am so sorry if i've got the wrong account but i had just recently read the clean and marked dramione series you wrote on ao3, and i was genuinely FLOORED. yep it's me lol this was the first fic i had ever genuinely cried for, the way you expressed hermione's and draco's relationship so well. the fic was written so long ago - in 2016 - and you might have forgotten about it, ahahahah pls but i had one question i simply couldn't ignore for the life of me: when snape used the time turner, he went to another parallel universe, right?

sorry to interrupt you here, but no! he used the time turner to go back in time, within the same universe, in a time loop. as with the events of book 3, there is still only one universe and only one timeline—there are briefly two harrys and two hermiones in the book because they're the ones who used the time-turner, but in this case, only snape went back, so he's the only one who is experiencing both the current timeline and the rewritten past.

so the new universe's hermione and draco could feel the phantom original universe's draco and hermione's experiences, so the original universe must still have been existing and operating alongside the new parallel one, meaning that the original hermione and draco were still there (please correct me if i'm wrong!).

so again, there is only one timeline, but them being able to feel the echoes of other decisions and other lives was meant to be sort of ineffable. magic!!! etc etc

but i was wondering, if that was a separate timeline, what happened to the original universe's draco and hermione if they still existed? i know draco died in the original universe, but i was curious how the original universe's hermione (master of death) lived after that, and if she ever found joy again, or if she only talked to the ghost of draco forever, and i also wonder how theo fared in that original timeline. there are so many other questions i'd like to ask, but i'll keep this as short as i can.

I made a joke in this week's not writing video that the oversaturation of multiverse media has led to some confusion so yeah, the timeline is disrupted and written over, like—oops maybe this is too Aged a reference—but it's like when you record over an existing VHS and the original footage is simply lost. but there is also the concept of a palimpsest, which is what I wanted those echoes of another life to feel like

as for what would have happened if that timeline continued: what the story suggests (the reason snape went back to begin with) is that the timeline is hopeless—draco is dead and can't be resurrected, hermione maybe never moves on, she allows absolute power to corrupt her absolutely. but that was the point of the story, that the pressure point that re-starts the time loop each time is that draco dies and everything goes irreparably wrong from there. you are of course welcome to reimagine something else! but that was the point of writing a story that resets to canon; I was trying to resolve and explain all the places where something doesn't make sense, like whenever an adult makes a terrible and illogical decision

the way that you wrote of hermione's heartbreak truly tore me apart, and i cried unabashedly when i saw draco died. draco loved her so much and she loved him, so to kill one of them would be utter torture, and i hope the original hermione got to find peace or at the very least see draco in the afterlife. theo was so strong too - even though he wished he could be selfish and talk to draco too, he knew he couldn't take even the ghost of draco away from hermione, so he gave up his chance. i cannot even begin to describe how this story broke my heart and mended it again, and i'm happy that at least the hermione and draco in the other parallel universe got their happy ending, but i also worry about the original hermione and draco too. if you've read until here, thank you so so much for just indulging and entertaining this silly question of mine, and i wholly understand if you don't feel like reading this question anymore. nonetheless, regardless of if you read or reply to this message, i just wanted to let you know that this series was truly of the best i have ever read, and i thank you so so much for that. again, if this is the wrong account, i apologize! but the fic was written in 2016, and the author said this was her tumblr account, so i found the best match i could <3

hahahaah it's so funny to me that you would have any doubt that this was me... I still pretty much write endings that people get mad

but thank you so much for caring this much about the story and I'm so glad you enjoyed it!!

[intosnarkness]

“I bet I can make you scream my name” with kanej

(1 2 or make up your own) (ask) Look, this is all going behind the cut because it is smutty AF. NSFW. It begins post coital, and bridges the gap to round two. Nothing graphic is described, but it's alluded to. Use your good sense about what you want to read, I'm not your mom.

Inej doesn't like pet names. 

It's not surprising, when Kaz thinks about it. She told him once that she'd spent the year in the Menagerie being called everything except her name, so when they're together he goes out of the way to use it.

He breathes it softly, reverent and sweet, when she straddles his lap and kisses him like she's dying for it. The taste of her name is honey and cinnamon, sharp and sweet. 

He says it like an oath as her slim fingers curl around the length of him and he sees stars in her eyes where they meet his. She is gentle and he cannot help the way the fires she sets under his skin burn him to ashes.

He kisses her name into the skin of her chest, across her collar bones and down to her small, perfect breasts. He writes it across her with his tongue, summoning up all the stubborn bravery that his life had demanded of him to weather the storm of skin and stay afloat on the waters in his head. He whispers it like a gasping prayer - inej inej inej inej - when they finally slide together, her body warm and wonderful around him.

She clutches him, her fingers pressing divots into the soft flesh of his shoulders, and she breathes along with him. They do this thing together, they take it for themselves and revel in the moments when they can hold each other so close, hard won but won all the same.

"You're quiet," he says, after. He's not quite able to cuddle her tonight, but they're both curled on their sides, hands and noses all but touching as they come down together. Sometimes he can bear it, can have her head on his chest and her hair soft and silky where he wraps it around his fingers. Sometimes they kiss lazily, sometimes they can even keep touching each other with curious hands. Not tonight. Tonight they have both overstimulated themselves in the best way, and they need space to recover. He loves her for understanding, for not seeing his need for space as a rejection. He thinks a lot of people might. But never Inej.

"Am I?" she smiles and rolls her neck. He longs to kiss her there, at the juncture of her shoulder where he'd first pressed his lips all those years ago now. It's not a good idea, but he files it away. Later.

"What are you thinking?" he asks, instead of touching her.

Inej smiles and gifts him with her perfect laugh. "I'm thinking how handsome you are," she says, and Kaz can feel the blood rising in his cheeks. "And how much I like it when you say my name."

"Do you?" he smiles, because he knows. He's always known how much she likes it. "I like it when you say mine, too."

Inej holds out her hand to him and he takes it, lacing their fingers together before he lifts the back of it to his lips, kissing it gently. 

"Kaz," she says, and he can hear her smile, can hear the happiness it brings her to give him this small thing. He shivers, a little wave of sensation down his spine at the intensity in her eyes. 

"You should say it more," he says, reaching his free hand out to where her hair has come loose to rub a bit of it between his fingers. Like silk, like satin. Soft and smooth and perfectly black. He loves her hair.

"Kaz," she purrs, stretching it out so the z turns into a hiss. He can feel the arousal beginning to pool in his stomach. God, he loves her. "How should I say your name, Kaz?"

He can't help but laugh and squeeze the hand he's holding tightly. "During," he says. "When we're-- together. Would you say my name, then?"

Inej doesn't stop to think about it, she just nods. "Of course. Will you remind me?"

The lust he's been feeling tempers with pride as his smile grows. "What's the matter?" he asks, trying to sound innocent but coming out deeply smug. "Do you forget? Is it that good?"

She doesn't show a blush, but she does look down, like she can't stand to hold his gaze in that moment. "Yes," she whispers, and she shifts slightly closer to him. They're still not touching - she won't touch him unless he invites her, not when they're like this. She's giving him permission, though, with her body language. He's not quite ready, but if they keep this up he thinks he will be, sooner than later. Especially if she keeps saying his name like that. 

"Yes, Kaz," she says again, and something in her voice sounds dangerous. "You fuck me so well I'd forget my own name if you ever stopped saying it."

Fuck. That admission goes straight to his cock. It should be too soon for him to go again, for her to get him so riled up. But this is doing it. This is pushing down the waters and pulsing though him in a way that nothing else ever has. He is a creature of molten want, an incubus summoned by the sound of his name in her mouth. 

"Wanna see if I can make you scream it?" he says, dropping her hand so he can reach up and touch her, the skin of her cheek singing under his fingertips. "I bet I can."

Inej laughs with surprise, a delighted noise that he wants to kiss out of her mouth and keep inside of himself so she can never give it to anyone else.

"Five kruge if you make me scream?" she asks, raising an eyebrow at him. He shakes his head. Not money, never money. It's too close to what they did to her for him to agree. 

"Bragging rights," he says, using his thumb to trace the arc of her cheekbone. "And loser has to go out and get food. Winner gets to stay naked and warm."

"Okay," Inej says, turning to kiss his palm softly. "Bet. Do your worst, Brekker."

He leans down, capturing her mouth with his, trying to put all the emotions that war in his chest - lust and love and want and pride and greed and desire and desire and mostly desire - into it so she can feel what she does to him. What she makes him feel. 

"Inej," he whispers, when they break apart.

"Yes, Kaz?" she replies, and he can tell she's relishing the way he reacts to his name, the way it takes him by storm when she says it. 

"You're in trouble," he says.

She just shakes her head as he starts to kiss down her body again, his hands paving the way for his mouth to follow, all the hidden parts of her ready for him to bring her another round of crashing pleasure.

He wins the bet, but she tells him, when she comes back with the cones of fried fish and potatoes, that she never had any intention of letting him lose.

[starheirxero]

OH GOD, EVERYTHING IS HAPPENING, EVERYTHING'S GOING ON-

I AM SCREAMING, KICKING, CRYING, RUNNING UP MY WALLS, DRAMATICALLY THROWING MYSELF ON THE GROUND AND WAILING-

FIRST SAMS FUCKING PUNCHES AND KNOCKS ME TO THE GROUND, AND THEN MGAFS GIVES ME THE FINISHING BLOW- FUCK EVERYTHING-

OH GOD, WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN-

First of all, we finally reunited with old Moon…BY GOD, DID I MISS THIS SNARKY BASTARD- I am so happy, to see him again!!! He's so nonchalant and blunt, especially towards people outside of his family- It makes me so nostalgic!! His similarlities to Eclipse are clearer than ever, honestly!

Everything about it just makes me so emotional, I can't even begin to describe it-

He's on that same old beach where he gave up his life, the same old beach where he showed empathy and compassion more than ever before, the same damn old beach where he was the more selfless than he'd ever been- It is making me sick to my stomach/pos

He still loathes himself so much, still looks down on himself and his mistakes. He has never been able to let go of it, he'll always hold on to the mistakes he made. One of these mistakes is leaving a part of his code behind, which in turn created Eclipse. His hatred for him comes from the hatred of himself, because Eclipse is the embodiment of everything he hated in himself.

But even though he hates himself, even though he buried himself underneath a mountain of mistakes, he will never regret protecting his family. He has always been a big brother, always been a protector, no matter what! Even after everything, they are the only thing on his mind. I'm going to fucking cry, man-

God, he adores them so much! Everytime he talked about them, I teared up!

He adores and treasures Sun with all of his heart, and only wishes for him to be safe and sound and happy! He knows his brother, knows he's blaming himself, and wants so badly to put a stop to it! But he can't, because that would involve a conversation, and he cannot bare to hurt him more than he already has.

He wants to thank Monty, who has been his emotional support, his best friend. Old Moon is anti-social, apathetic towards anyone outside of his family, even another version of himself, yet Monty got through to him, time and time again. Monty, in their own right, was family too! The two of them always got each other out of the gutter.

God, when he talked about Lunar and Earth, I legit started to cry a little-

He always wanted a sister. He always wanted a little brother. He wished he could've met them, wished he could've gotten to know them, wished to have loved them as much as he loved Sun!

He did know Lunar, but he never had the chance to truly get to know them. Everything he said about them is honestly just so sweet, and shows old Moon beyond his shell.

They were just a kid in a shitty situation, made with a purpose they never wanted.

Old Moon has a hard time caring for others, yet he looked at this child, who needed help and guidance, and took them underneath his wing without hesitation. Tragically, though, he always kept his distance. I don't think, he quite saw, how much they looked up to him. He always kept them at arms length, because he had hurt one brother, and was afraid to hurt another, afraid to open his heart. Yet, despite this distance, he would've ripped Eclipse apart for what he did, without mercy.

God, I can only imagine what his dynamic with everyone would've been like, especially with Earth, who is so incredibly different from him!

Old Moon is such an intriguing character to look at! Especially with how obviously different he is from New Moon!

I want to analyze him so bad, but my brain just won't cooperate👀

I'm really glad, New Moon got his reassurance though, and even learned from Old Moon, it seems!

Now, as for MGAFS….NO, GOD NO, PLEASE EVERYTHING BUT THIS-

THEY WEREN'T JUST SEPARATED- THEY WERE PERMANENTLY TORN APART, NEVER TO REUNITE AGAIN- THEY CAN'T DO THIS, I CAN'T HANDLE THIS-

BLOODMOON'S REACTION TO HIS BROTHER'S DEATH- HE TRIED SO HARD TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE, BUT THE MOMENT THEY TRIED TO LEAVE, HE STARTED YELLING- HE HAS NEVER BEEN ALONE, ALWAYS ONE HALF OF A WHOLE. NOW HIS OTHER HALF IS GONE, AND HE IS ALONE, AND HE WILL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN-

I ALSO READ YOUR INTERPRETATION OF BLOODMOON'S LAST LINE, AND IT HAS BROKEN ME- THEY COULD'VE BEEN GOOD. THEY COULD'VE BEEN FRIENDS. THEY JUST DIDN'T WANT TO BE CHANGED, DIDN'T WANT TO BE LIKED AS SOMEONE THEY'RE NOT. THEY JUST WANTED TO BE THEMSELF, YET THEY NEVER WOULD'VE BEEN ACCEPTED THAT WAY-

XERO, WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME-

-Stardust

YESSSSSYESYEYSES I DIDN'T TALK MUCH ABT THE TSAMS EP BC I GOT SO DISTRACTED BY MGAFS BUT EVERYTHING U SAID FOR REAL !!!!!! THE BEACH AND THE CONVO THEY HAD AND AAUAGGGHH

I was honestly so worried that there was going to be a sudden change in how Old Moon acted but seeing him just still wholeheartedly be him made me experience sooo many emotions. Like u said, the similarities between him and Eclipse are just wholly on display and it's like,, oh yea! you are who he stems from!

AND YEAH ALL HIS SENTIMENTS ABT MONTY + SUN + THE BROTHER N SISTER HE NEVER GOT TO KNOW. BURSTS INTO TEARS!!!!! For how little people he cared about, he made up for in caring about that small handful of people with his whole entire soul, even if that care could be convoluted and confusing and ultimately hurtful, he never wanted it to be like that. He just wanted the best :(

AND THEN THE LAST MESSAGE FOR NEW MOON AUGHHH I CAN'T EVEN. DIES EVERYWHEREEEE

AND THEN MGAFS. FUCK. I KNOWWWW I KNOW I KNOW IT FUCKED ME UP SO BADDD. THE FINAL BLOODMOON'S DESPERATE YELLING AT THE END FUCKED ME UP EVEN WORSE TO TOP IT ALL OFF I CAN'T EVENNNN.

AND SHAKES YOU SHAKES YOU THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY TO ACCOMMODATE FOR IT DRIVES ME INSANE!!! THEY WANTED CONTROL OVER THE ONE THING THAT IMPACTS THEM THE MOST, OF COURSE THEY WOULD HAVE DENIED ANYTHING ELSE!!!! THEY COULD HAVE HAD IT ALLLLL AAAAOAUHGHHHH

[vickyvicarious]

I am super busy this week so didn't really have time to make any posts yesterday, but I still wanted to share a few reactions. First, just general/voice acting notes:

Jonathan's relief and reassurance in the sunlight was so heartwarming. Very sad as well - I can't help but dwell on how he has been forced into a largely nocturnal lifestyle - but overall, it just makes me happy anytime he is able to feel comforted by something (which doesn't immediately come back to bite him).

"Yes... there is a way," gave me ACTUAL CHILLS. I can hear so clearly the stakes at hand (life and death and more). Jonathan sounds cunning, resigned, he's flipping the script and it's creepy and it's very brave and it's very very cool!

His goodbyes....! I am sure everyone is saying it, but him starting and ending his farewells with Mina does brutal things to my heart. He loves her so much, so much. And the lighter music for just that bit, and the way he chokes up a little, I just -

"I looked down once, so as to make sure that a sudden glimpse of the awful depth would not overcome me, but after that kept my eyes away from it." That's so weirdly cute. Jonathan is very deliberately avoiding the classic 'don't look down (slips, looks down, freaks out)' moment by taking one intentional look and then just going, okay, that's done, moving on. It's a weird but seemingly effective way to handle it and kind of incredibly lovable.

"It was barely furnished with odd things, which seemed to have never been used;" - okay, but what were the 'odd things'? Is that just referring to the gold? Because the furniture he says is like other rooms so that doesn't feel odd, unless maybe it isn't typical bedroom furniture and that in itself was the oddity? ...maybe he has a weird statement piece couch or something?

The way Jonathan lingers when describing how Dracula's "lips were as red as ever." So creepy, so fascinated, feeling that same kind of draw that was in the vampire ladies scene. Love the voice acting so much.

Dracula sleeping with his eyes open is so so so creepy. God.

Second: gushing over Jonathan section

"I must take action of some sort whilst the courage of the day is upon me." - Jonathan is so brave. He is so scared, he is terrified... but he doesn't want to be ruled by his fear anymore. Ever since the encounter on May 16, he's been having more and more difficulty acting. He stopped exploring, gave up manipulating Dracula, and only waited for an opportunity to seek help when others came. And to an extent, that was all he could do, and being quiet and playing along is what's kept him alive until now, but last night he had to watch a grieving mother blame him for the death of her child right after he had to listen to her child dying and right before he heard her die (and all this after nearly being hypnotized again), and he wasn't able to do anything at all. He tried, he would have entirely given up on protecting himself for the sake of that child, but the locked door stopped him. And Jonathan is so determined today to take advantage of the rare sense of energy the sunlight has given him, he wants to get out of here and is willing to go to extreme measures to do so. He shoves away his gloomy fearful thoughts when they begin to resurface, and acts.

The way he acts, though. Sure, it's a wildly risky move - but I love how his brain works. Even now he reasons it out. Dracula bothers me at night -> maybe he sleeps during the day -> I can search for the key while he sleeps. Every time an objection would normally stop him he just refuses to accept it and thinks of some way past it. The door is locked -> well, the windows aren't. Even in his reckless state, willing to risk death, he still thinks things out.

(How good must it feel to be able to finally do something. But still he doesn't let himself get too carried away, tries to stay alert and on task.)

Case in point: in the room, he takes his time to look at all the coins. He looks at the dates on them too; great attention to detail. He is primarily searching for a key but whenever he sees a possible significant item or clue he devotes proper attention to it. So diligent.

Same thing in the chapel! "Then I went over every inch of the ground, so as not to lose a chance." Jonathan is always so thorough, I love it. He would have searched all the vaults despite his fear if it weren't for stumbling across Dracula. As it was, he was still pretty darn thorough! He even counted every single box Dracula'd had delivered - fifty in all.

And even after his super creepy encounter with the Count... when Jonathan goes back to his room he first "tried to think." Tried to think! Sure, to an extent that may be code for 'tried to stave off a panic attack' but even then it still speaks to his priorities and goals. Yes, that was extremely traumatic and he is terrified and has just completed his second death-defying freestyle wall climb of the day, but Jonathan has clues now and so he's gonna try to think! He's gonna focus on details! Literally, since he starts his entry with: "I must put down every detail in order." It's just what he does, but for the first time in a long time he has new data to work with.

But not long left to do so.

[pleas3pretendimnothere]

Six more books this month! If I keep this up, I'll be barely able to meet my 52-books goal. The (short) Narnia books are my backup plan if I run out of time... Anyway, I read a lot of great stuff this month!

Piranesi

By Susanna Clarke - I've been looking forward to this read all year. Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell was my favorite book I read last year, and while Piranesi was not quite so huge and fantastical, it was still another outstanding project from Clarke. I loved this book.

Piranesi's best strength is the constant sense of foreboding. The narrator is childlike, his desires and endeavors so simple, they sometimes seem pathetic. Piranesi is naive but he isn't dumb. He seeks truth, and his naivete transforms a strange, cold, unwelcoming world into something magical, mysterious, and benevolent. This creates a peculiar sense of wrongness throughout the tale's beginning, and when truths slowly come to light, Clarke only further bends the reader's perception of Piranesi's world. Is it the world that is broken, or the men living within it?

The book somehow felt too simple, too quick, but nonetheless, I couldn't put it down. The main character is loveable, and the challenges he faced still haunt me. Even now, I get shudders, remembering the twists! Deeply psychological stuff! Everyone who loves a good mystery, maybe even horror, needs to read this one. BUY IT!

Sabriel

By Garth Nix - I'm a sucker for fantasy romance (very different from romantasy, btw). If the fantasy world is weird, and the romance is built from adventure and adversity, I'm game. This book...this is it...

LOVE Sabriel. Can't sing enough praises. We've got weird necromancy magic based on runes and a series of bells capable of varying archaic horrors. A weird fantasy world split in half. On one side, people are living in a happy and prosperous Ghibli world, on the other, they're fighting monsters and undead ghouls in a Souls game. There's a cat that is also a mind-devouring cosmic god. Cool. Then, children are thrown helplessly to the wilds as bait for bigger predators. It was Berserk, but for the girlies.

The romance was exactly what I like. Natural, built on friendship and trust, and low on the horniness scale (although Nix weirdly informs us that our male character is...cut....okay, I guess...). The adventure was dark and gruesome, as the central magic system is necromancy, so there was an unexpected element of horror in Sabriel. Nix pulls off a sinister sense of danger and risk that sustains itself from beginning to end. Characters die and are killed and brought back, and the ending! Bizarre, frightening, but endearing and clever. Loved it.

Cannot WAIT to pick up the sequels. This is my perfect book, no flaws, no notes. If you like sweeping romance and spooky fantasy, stuff like Howl's Moving Castle, BUY IT!

The Ship of the Dead

By Rick Riordan - I don't know how to review Riordan books. I don't know what to say. They're all carbon copies of each other with little distinct tweaks to an excellent formula. They're all good.

I mean it, I don't know what to say. The Magnus Chase series is good. Period. It's fun, it's weird, and this finale was especially dark. The dragon scenes were excellently scary! Throughout the rest of The Ship, I was laughing, I was gasping, I was having a wonderful ol' time. Period, no notes. Keep it up, Rick.

Don't sleep on these books, that's all. Read them, learn stuff, warm your heart, and repeat. Revolutionary series? No. But joyous and loveable? Absolutely. RENT IT!

Borne

By Jeff Vandermeer - I just ate so good this month. Sabriel was my perfect book, and so too is Borne. I am an insatiable devourer of dark romance. Thank you Jeff, god bless.

Weird is the best way to describe Vandermeer's projects. The Southern Reach trilogy played on evolution, madness, and legacy. It was freaky and exciting, and I knew after finishing it that I had to read more from Vandermeer. His mind is sometimes so impossible to comprehend. Borne came into my lap, and I zipped through it in no time. Why? Of course, because there's romance! I just can't put that shit down, I'm serious!!

This novel is quirky and silly at times, and then it quickly turns upsetting and dark at the drop of a hat. It's graphic and absurd, and the terror is masterfully written. Like Junji Ito, Vandermeer finds horror in the absurd. He takes a bear, a frightening predator, and says, what if it was really big? And it was flying? And it also used to be a normal man, but now its a fucked-up god? Silly, strange, but when written in the cosmic sense, as Vandermeer writes it, petrifying. The mundane becomes the macabre. Chef's kiss.

And a goopy, otherworldly, unfathomable monster? What if it was a child? What if it loved you, and you taught it to be kind, but it was still just a monster? Borne the character is so complex and fun and scary, and I think I won't ever to be able to forget how he made me laugh.

And I didn't even mention the romance, oh, the ROMANCE! Another perfect book. If you're into psychological horror and romance, this is for you. I'm talking fucked-up, NieR: Automata, SCP shit. Loved it so, SO much, BUY IT!

In the Time of the Butterflies

By Julia Alvarez - And now for something completely different! I read A Thousand Splendid Suns and told my friend I was a sucker for stories about the struggles of women in the world. She said, "Oh! I've got just the book for you!"

In the book's Afterword, Alvarez explains her intent to bring the struggles of the Dominican Republic to the English-speaking world. That English-speaking world is a bubble, after all, and it's a difficult one to penetrate. Growing up as an American, I knew almost nothing about the world south of America. I learned about Europe and China and North America, but I essentially thought South America was all one, big, same place. Africa, too. Of the Dominican Republic, even as an adult, I knew very little.

For that, I am most thankful to the book. Alvarez follows a fictionalized version of the Mirabal sisters, four sisters whom three of were martyred during the Era of Trujillo. While many of the events of book are dramatized, many surprising scenes are not. I was constantly fact-checking the events of this book, which lead to lots of time spent researching the history of the Dominican Republic. Before this read, I knew next to nothing about the country, and now, that's totally changed.

The book feels mournful from the start, as the reader knows these women are doomed. Nonetheless, each feels like a fully realized woman with personality and desires, hopes and sorrows. I only became emotional during the epilogue, when Alvarez details the impact of these four women following the murders. I genuinely felt I had watch three women die far, far too young, and I commend Alvarez for that.

Alvarez has accomplished a powerful, insightful novel about women and the Dominican Republic. The day of their death, I learned too, would become the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. That's kind of a big deal! It's a personal, emotional read, and I'd recommend it to any and all readers who want to understand a massive part of history in a quiet corner of the world. RENT IT!

Yumi and the Nightmare Painter

By Brandon Sanderson - I am no stranger to Sanderson's work, but I knew almost nothing about his four "Secret Project" novels. Of them, this one attracted me the most because romance + fantasy = yippee!! Unfortunately...I sort of hated this book.

I love the Mistborn series. Really enjoyed The Way of Kings and Elantris. Adored Warbreaker. Again, I am quite familiar with Sanderson's cosmere and his style of writing. Yumi was akin Sanderson's modern Mistborn books--fun, but lackluster. Where Alloy of Law and its sequels are campy, Yumi is just embarrassing. I was cringing SO MUCH at Sanderson's constant need to explain away all the mystery of this book! Mystery is good, I kept screaming! Ask Nix! I don't need an explanation for every little thing! When he wasn't explicitly saying, "Yes, we are definitely in fantasy anime Japan," he was covering for all the plot-holes that OBVIOUSLY weren't really plot-holes! Plot-holes I hadn't even considered, until his quirky narrator served them up to me out of nowhere! Why? I don't know! I don't know!!!

Don't get me started on the Japanese-cringe. It really felt like a mediocre, forgettable anime. At one point early on, Sanderson attempts to explain what MUST be Keigo, and...oof. So wrong, so misunderstood! And why attempt putting fantasy Korea into the mix when hardly any effort was made to do so? Why not make both Japanese fantasy? WHY?!

I'm getting angry just writing this. The book had a lot of potential to explore cool ideas; a nobody from a technologically-advanced society ends up in a position of import in a foreign land, where everyone thinks he's someone he isn't. The possibility for conflict was ripe. What if Painter thieved Yumi's body? What if he attempted to split their connection and seize control? His own body had been stolen and reshaped! Wouldn't he be disturbed, upset? I wanted some kind of betrayal, I wanted anger and agency, but instead, our two main characters are instantly peas in a pod! Everything's cool, all the time! Painter's secrets are small and unimpactful, and while the twist of Yumi's world WAS more worthwhile, it somehow lacked drama? How? The twist was huge, why didn't it feel huge! It was Broken Age and Your Name, but worse. If there were stakes, I didn't care about them!

To describe this book in one word, I'd say disappointing. Don't read this. Watch Your Name, play Broken Age, but just...just don't read this. Waste of my time! SKIP IT!

[jessicanjpa]

a good day

(An excerpt from this chapter of 2003, set just a few weeks after the Cullens arrive. Edward and Esme are doing paperwork at the dining room table when Carlisle gets home from work. Bonus: this is the first time Bella is mentioned in Tale of Years!)

"Carlisle's home," I told Esme, turning my head to the familiar sound of my father's thoughts. A moment later, we heard the powerful rumble of the Mercedes turning off the main road.

You won't believe the day I've had!

Carlisle burst in the kitchen door a moment later, grinning from ear to ear. He swooped down to receive Esme's welcome-home kiss and poured another mountain of mail onto the table out of a bulky package. There was so much mail��especially in the beginning of a new move—that we couldn't risk raising the postal workers' interest by receiving each piece separately. One of Jenks's "services" was routing a good chunk of that mail to us via packages like this one.

"You're in a good mood," I teased, catching the tallest pile of papers—Alice's investment reports—just as Carlisle's new addition sent it tumbling off the edge. Those "Go Paperless" campaigns were starting to look better and better. We could singlehandedly save a whole forest at the rate we were going.

"Indeed I am," he said. He kissed Esme again for good measure. "Days like this... they make everything doubly worthwhile."

"Tell us," Esme said with a knowing smile. She pushed out the chair beside her with her foot, paperwork forgotten. He sat down and took her hand.

"A young man was brought in after a motorcycle accident," he began. "It didn't look good; his blood pressure was already threatening to bottom out. Extensive road rash, compound ulnar and femoral fractures... and a suspected open-book pelvic fracture. The paramedics had a binder on him already. Dr. Snow called for a helicopter as soon as he was brought in. Forks is only a Level IV trauma center. Everyone said it was too late—and it would have been, if I had let them waste any more time.

"I took over immediately. I nearly got fired on the spot, and I may still face a lawsuit for breaking protocol if he doesn't make it in the end. But I'm confident he will. I suspected a rupture of the iliolumbar vessels. I opened right up and started with the gauze packing, and we didn't even have the right kind of arterial balloon but I managed to get them all distracted so I could get the sutures done at my speed—oh, I'm sorry, Edward..."

My throat flared at the bloody imagery as Carlisle chattered on at superspeed, but his good mood was infectious. He lived for scenarios like this: when he was able to save a patient when no one else could, either because of his acute senses, his vast experience, or his ability to operate at vampire speed when he could get everyone else to look away for a moment. Or all three, in this case. Carlisle looked so happy on days like this. So young.

"We still had him lifted to Harborview in the end," Carlisle said in conclusion, "but he was already stabilized. Dr. Snow is still upset about how I had taken over. I actually shoved him out of my way! But even he can't deny that I had saved a life he had already pronounced lost. Once we were cleaned up, he took me out to the lobby himself and told the patient's friend—none other than our local chief of police—about my being a miracle worker."

"Only three weeks this time," Esme said, gazing at him with adoring eyes. "Only three weeks and you're already the Miracle Worker."

Carlisle smiled bashfully at her praise, then went on to describe how Chief Swan had nearly broken down right there in the ER lobby, gushing his gratitude for Carlisle's heroic rescue. Apparently one of the nurses had already let it slip that his buddy wasn't going to make it. It sounded like he had personal experience with motorcycle fatalities, making him doubly in awe of today's outcome and of the Miracle Worker.

Carlisle tended to accumulate nicknames wherever he worked: any number of variations on the themes of Doogie Howser and Miracle Worker. His fellow physicians either loved or hated him, but in the end, they always came to respect his good instincts. Having made some minor forays into the medical field myself, I was most in awe of Carlisle's ability to take decisive action during blood-soaked emergencies. He took risks most emergency physicians wouldn't dream of, and they nearly always turned out for the best. And I couldn't imagine being able to open up a pelvic cavity full of two liters of gushing blood and get right to work.

"Chief Swan sounds like a good man," Esme said fondly.

"I think so, too," Carlisle agreed. He was picturing a nondescript middle-aged man with brown hair and a mustache. The man's chocolate-brown eyes teared up as he acknowledged Carlisle's help. "We talked for a bit. He lives alone, though his daughter occasionally comes to visit in the summertime. He's an avid fisherman—he even asked me if I would like to join him out in his boat someday."

"That'd be a good trick," I said, rolling my eyes. Fishing and vampires didn't mix. Hours of sunshine with no escape, fish getting frightened away, sharp hooks in human fingers, close observation... Carlisle smiled sadly, going on to say how he had politely declined but thanked Chief Swan for the invitation.

It was a shame. Like Alice, Carlisle would have loved to have a human friend. Someone he could be fully honest with, or at least someone he could bond with over the things he would be able to talk about. But experience had taught us to keep our human peers at arms' length. It was better that way... for all of us. And fate seemed determined to remind us of that fact. The very next day gave us a scare like we hadn't had in years.

[sucantslay]

Little Kanata analysis! Puka Pukaaa

HAHihOhUHI, i'm back at it again!!!

Just kidding, I read like, the first half of the Meteor Impact and am mentally on the edge of insane.

But...ignore it for now...

I wanna talk about our little god Kanata today!!!

Is our boy Kanata silly? Yes!

Is he also smart as hell? Yes!

Is he strong? YES 👏 HE 👏 IS 👏

I think a-lot of people misunderstood Kanata characteristics.

He's not just a happy, friendly-looking, puka puka water god! He's more than that!

I know you're all thinking that, because he has been seen as a god for all his childhood and still slowly making progress about learning the world around him, that means he must be just one kind and cute little fish right?

Haha...

Clearly, that was never the case...

He's smart from the very beginning, and the things he doesn't know or can't understand don't mean he's completely stupid at it.

Kanata can sense things, and sense people's emotions, he's not a god who brought wishes to his people in all though years for nothing!

When Kanata meets Chiaki for the first time, he can sense something wrong with him.

And the next time they meet, Kanata also able to sense it very well!

Chiaki in the old time, once wish Kuro ( who was being beat up badly most of the time when they got a chance to face each other ) to be better. He wish all the one that bullied Kuro to be "serve by justice".

It didn't take Kanata long to find out about it. Heck! He doesn't even need a word from Chiaki to understand Chiaki's wishes.

Did I mention that Kanata at that time was really bad at communicating? He did not know much and only when you speak slowly and use easy words will he be able to talk back.

And yet! He was able to detect Chiaki wishes and did it in under one day!

Chiaki was dumbfounded when Kuro tell him that all the one that hate him is now being beat up so badly, they get scared and apologizes Kuro. ( boy did predict that on time... )

Also, Kanata is really smart, he didn't understand much but that didn't mean he couldn't do a thing with the knowledge he already had in hand.

There were many time when Kanata use the word "God" to describe other things.

And just like Kanata, we'll do the same!

People's brains tend to use the old things, the stuff they already knew to help make up meaning for new things.

With that being said, Kanata is not used to the outside world, so it is normal for him to keep using the word "God" as a base/standard of view.

Later on, his view of mind is a little more open, going as far as taking advantage of his position as a "God" to help Chiaki track down Rinne and Niki.

Rinne is also a smart-ass, but he himself has to admit that Kanata would use a move that he never be able to predicted.

Also, Kanata is really strong:

If you already read the main story, then you'll have to remember the part when Kanata carried both Rinne and Niki in his arms, getting from some ramen shop a far whatsoever place to the DreamFes! WITH JUST HIS TWO ARMS!

Chiaki was with Kanata, yes, but he's busy with driving them from the shop to DreamFes.

In both "Intersecting MotorShow" and "Leap into the Future"

We can see how Kanata was successful capture our Hero Chiaki and corner him right away.

Kanata knew Chiaki well, and by that, he was helping the RYUSEITAI to grow.

Kanata wasn't just a little fish god, he was Chiaki biggest emotional support and the helping hand of RYUSEITAI.

If not for him, Chiaki wouldn't have a chance to dance with RYUSEITAI in the "Intersecting MotorShow"

If not for him, we didn't be able to have the 5* Chiaki card in the "Leap into the Future" event

Because when Chiaki decided to leave Tetora and hoped that Tetora would be able to grow as how he did.

Kanata said that this is not that of a "dark era" anymore, the kids need you.

So Chiaki got on with that advice, joining Tetora and the others to play game, helping Tetora to get some time to relax.

Ah...I think that all is for today.

I'm tired, but I hope that this analysis will help you to understand Kanata more.

I love Kanata a lot, and so does the love for Chiaki, and RYUSEITAI !

Thank you for take for time to read this, hope you'll have a good day.

Send a thank you to @collectorcookie for giving me the inspiration to make this whole-ass post.

[sincerely-sofie]

Hello!

I just finished reading the epilogue of TPIAG, and I would usually do something like this anonymously because the vulnerability does scare me. But for how much The Present is a Gift means to me, I just wanted to be fully myself while writing this.

Before anything else, thank you. From the bottom of my heart and with the entirety of my being, thank you. I can't even say TPIAG changed my life because that would be a massive understatement for how much impact it all had on me. I don't know how else to describe it, but this story you've created, the characters within it, everything - it's like they all walked and journeyed with me throughout everything I've been through in the last few months. For the first time in my life, I was dealing with grief - and it was a grief so strong that it would physically hurt. It was so many emotions and thoughts going on at once, and I felt so lost and overwhelmed. Yet with TPIAG, I felt so seen. It was genuinely a huge reason in why I've been learning to fully accept that grief with open arms and I cannot thank you enough for that.

Reading through TPIAG, unraveling the story chapter per chapter, and even seeing your posts about it are all experiences I cherish so much. I can recall so many times with TPIAG where I'd have the biggest most genuine smile on my face, and times where I'd feel like I could do nothing else but cry tears that were just so painful in every way, and everything in between. AGHHH i really don't know how else to describe it, but the fact that your writing was able to bring out these raw emotions in me...all I can say is that your writing just feels so...real, so genuine. And that genuine nature of it all didn't just help me connect with the story and the characters, but with myself. I'm genuinely in a much better place now than I was when I started reading TPIAG and it truly played such a huge role in that. And slight tangent, but the feeling really sank in when I took a walk the other day for no reason other than because i wanted to walk. Just appreciating what was there right then in the moment, being able to accept the past and trust the future - I cannot begin to describe how alive I felt, and just how....myself I felt. You really do have a point. The present really, genuinely, truly, is a gift.

Lastly, I just wanted to say that I've always struggled to put my gratitude into words, even now. It's a really scary thing for me for reasons I still find difficult to explain. But not at least trying wouldn't feel right, especially for something like this. The love, care, thought, and the genuine YOU that you put into what you do is evident with how genuine everything is. I know I've used the word "genuine" a lot but it really is the best way to describe everything, and I don't take its meaning and use lightly! I'm genuinely grateful I came across TPIAG that one day a few months ago. I'm genuinely grateful to have witnessed this story unfold. I'm genuinely grateful that you create and nurture these wonderful stories - not just for me, or the rest of your followers (who, from what I've seen, really care about you!), but for how you create them for you. Even though I don't personally know you, from what you've shared on your blog, i can see it hasn't been an easy life for you. But the fact that you put so much heart and soul into your work because you love it and that it helps you heal, and the fact that Twig's story of recovery mirrors your own - again I know it's strange coming from a stranger but I really am so happy for you! AGHHH again it's so hard to put into words but I really am just so grateful in so many ways! Just know that I am writing this in actual tears and with the biggest smile on my face and heart because that really is how I best show gratitude!

All in all, I truly wish you kindness, healing, and all the best with all that you do, whether that be writing, drawing, or whatever else your heart desires. Just remember that what matters most is doing the things you love because you genuinely love to do them - for you! And of course, wishing Twig and the gang all the best as well!

And in case I still haven't said it enough,

Thank you. Thank you so much.

Your willingness to be vulnerable has not gone unnoticed, and it's very touching that you were willing to share your thoughts like this!

I'm so glad that this fic could have such an impact and provide such a resource for you amidst your grief. It means so much that it was able to help get you in a better place.

The way you emphasized genuineness is deeply significant to me. TPiaG is the first time I've ever put something so personal out into the world. I've posted a few projects in the past— but even if they touched on my personal experiences, they were quick to gloss over them. This is the first time I've ever posted a project that doesn't flinch away from the things I've felt in my life, and I was terrified of people seeing it as being "cringe". It's such a dumb word, and an even dumber worldview, but I've been haunted by the idea of me or my art being embarrassing or unpleasant for others. I was so scared of how people would perceive TPiaG— especially the bits and pieces of myself that I inserted into all the individual characters. But to hear that my writing feels genuine puts that fear at ease. There's nothing more beautiful than authenticity to me, so to hear that I've achieved that means so much.

I'm so honored by your happiness— life hasn't been easy, but I've been able to take the pain and make it into art to help myself and others. It doesn't make the hurting stop, but it gives it some meaning that helps it be easier to shoulder. To hear that you're happy for me is, again, really impactful!

You said you have a hard time wording gratitude, but I wanted to let you know this is a very eloquent message you've written and I'll treasure it always. Thank you :>

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Hey, Nyarla. I've been following you for a while and although this is a safe space and you seem extremely open minded and kind, I don't feel brave enough to say this off-anon due to past experiences.

You're one of the first authors who, without writing for it directly, has made me comfortable reading your headcanon sets and your fics and blurs, because they way you represent characters is comforting.

I am autistic, and it is extremely hard to have people not treat you like you're either mentally impaired (due to misinformation) or plain creepy (due to ableism), and it is disheartening to just exist sometimes. Often times, this kind of treatment gets applied from authors into their work. I don't think everyone has to know everything about every single condition in the world, but it seems there's a tendency to, most of the time, infantilize or demonize, or apply the aforementioned treatment, to neurodivergent people.

But to my very pleasant surprise, you had this set of headcanons for Mihawk, titled "Mood Swings", where you wrote the reader with some bipolar tendencies, and I couldn't help but bawl. I genuinely cried for a good while, in both relief and happiness. You didn't demonize bipolar tendencies, nor make him annoyed, nor anything of the sort. You were SO respectful about it, and so fucking mature in your writing, and it felt like a warm hug and a reassuring pat on the back.

You haven't even written anything for an autistic reader themselves, and you still helped me immensely with one single fic. Thank you so much for the way you write, and for the way you interact with your followers. You're wonderful, and I am eternally grateful to you for just one single set of headcanons like that. You reaffirmed the comfort within my comfort character. I hope you yourself find joy in the fact you, unknowingly, made a person so irremediably happy.

I can't thank you enough ❤️

I understand completely the desire to remain anonymous, but please know I still have the utmost respect for you for sending me this, and I really just wanna give you the biggest hug in the world, and I legitimately have tears in my eyes right now.

I'm going to come out and say right now, I'm schizophrenic. My official diagnoses is schizoaffective disorder depressive type, which essentially means that I experience symptoms of psychosis associated with schizophrenia (mostly auditory hallucinations in my case, occasionally visual, tends to worsen with lack of sleep) in tandem with symptoms characteristic of depression. I don't tend to tell people about it, because I know how schizophrenia is depicted in fiction and media in general. Typically as psychos that do bad things "because the voices said to."

I'm saying this because I want you to know that I understand how people tend to attach stigma to mental health conditions and neurodivergence, and I know how much it sucks and how much it hurts; and also that I respect you so, so much for talking about it. It's kind of skewed whether schizophrenia is considered neurodivergeant or not, but I tend toward identifying as neurodivergent. Experiencing the world differently, processing information differently, thinking differently is the general definition of ND, and I definitely identify with that.

I haven't specifically written autistic characters/readers largely because I don't feel like I would be able to accurately represent it, and I do not want to write it in a way that would make anyone uncomfortable or upset. I helped raise two of my nephews that were autistic, and they were both so different, in personality and quirks and "symptoms." They're also amazing and vibrant and intellient in ways that I can't even begin to describe.

Two of my favorite fictional characters that are generally accepted as being autistic are L and Near from Death Note. It's never explicitly stated in the manga or anime that they're autistic, but they're both written and depicted in a way that shows how they think and experience things differently without demeaning them for it; that other characters are a little nervous or intimidated around them at first, but grow to understand and form bonds with them over the course of the story; and they're also shown to be distinctly different from each other in personality, rather than carbon copies of each other. As such, if you haven't read/watched Death Note, I highly recommend it. Manga more than anime for personal reasons (there were some differences made in the ending of the anime that I don't agree with but I'm not going to get into that here)

ANYWAY

I'm also really beyond happy that you enjoyed Mood Swings. I wrote it with exactly the intention of representing Bi-Polar symptoms realistically and without any stigma. Knowing that you found it comforting makes me so, so happy. That was exactly what I wanted. I've seen "bi-polar" used synonymously with "psycho" so often, usually in tandem with a particular word rhyming with "witch," and I hate it so much.

Mental health isn't a joke. Some people are born with their brains wired differently. Some people are forced to live through trauma that rewires their brain. It makes day-to-day life exhausting beyond measure, particularly if it involves interacting with other people, and it's even more exhausting when others poke fun at it and don't take it seriously.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I really, sincerely want this blog to be a safe place for everyone. So it makes me so, so happy to recieve Asks like yours. So thank you again, and I hope you (and anyone else who needs it) continue to find this to be a safe place.