#I can't believe how long it's taken
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#Someone probably posted about it but...#Liam's dad and Paul visited the memorial at the hotel today#According to some tweets they're returning to the uk#I am guessing tomorrow or maybe tonight#I can't believe how long it's taken#It's so heartbreaking#It's so fucked up#It's so sad#Tears instantly filled my eyes when I saw the photos of him and paul#They're so appreciative of the fans who loved Liam like that#And I'm sure they've seen everything around the world poof#*ooof#And I'm almost sure the funeral will be public#Like a friend say it's probably easier than trying to make it private knowing how everything is#Then I remembered Michael Jackson's funeral#It was a long time ago and i don't remember thaaaat much but I do remember the crowds and how publicized it was#I guess we'll see...#I just-#You know some not-nice people will be there and we can't prevent that... So let's not focus on that and just...#Yeah... I think it's the closure his family his brothers his friends and all of us need#Closure is a weird way of saying it... But idk... Maybe it'll settle in more? Idk idk#It's all so new#Anyway. Remember we're all in this together and we all cope differently and we're grateful to have each other!#💚
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rewatching atla and i just fucking ,, adore how katara asks for a table for two. like yes!!! momo, the dignified little gentleman of the momo dynasty, his momoness, absolutely deserves a seat for himself too!!!!
#atla#avatar the last airbender#avatar#katara#momo#i love this show i can't believe it has taken me this long to finally rewatch it#erros doesnt know how to shut up
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guys i got to see this amazing cosplay by @lesoldatmort and @artofalassa and now i'm making everyone else look at it
literally exploding
i love them
:DD
#oh god the cosplays are so good and full of detail#i dont even know how long it must've taken but theyre on point!!#also i admire the dedication to wolfwood's socklessness but for mort's sake i hope you're at least wearing ankle socks in those shoes#nicholas d wolfwood#vash the stampede#trigun cosplay#animefest 2024#trigun#and sorry if i was acting weird#i was short circuiting a little bit#but you two literally made my day yesterday#i can't believe trigun fans are real#vashposting
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I've been reading Exodus lately and I've just gotten to the portions where God gives the first commands to the people via Moses (twice), and then goes on to give detailed instructions about the tabernacle and how it should be built, and I'm just... we think art is unimportant?? we think things only mean as much as their functionality?? we so easily fall into the trap of believing that beauty means nothing, that it's cheap and only worth whatever mindless distraction it brings, that it's barely more than a cheap sensual thrill, that buildings should just be practical and plain and cheap, that everything should be functional but ultimately disposable, that paintings and dresses and mugs and curtains and carpets are just pretty but have no real value, that beauty is fleeting and vain and therefore shouldn't be thought about too much, if even looked for at all... we fall into these traps so easily, and we forget that there are chapters upon chapters of painstakingly detailed plans to build one portable worship tent, and those plans have been handed down through thousands of years of human history, because beauty and art and skill in craft is important
#I have to go get ready for work now but I will come back to this#and don't even get me started on the parts about God calling specific craftsmen *by name*#he called them!! by name!!! he said 'this man is good at his job. he creates beautiful work. he will build my temple and make it beautiful'#and even more--God inspired him!!!! it was a calling of GOD for him to create beautiful carvings and tapestries and candlesticks!!!#look even if you're not jewish or christian or religious at all you have GOT to see what it means that all these incredibly detailed plans#for building this tent-temple are extremely important#because even if you don't believe in God and don't think that this is all significant bc he personally gave the instructions#and then helped preserve this record of them so we could still read them today#you do have to see how important they were to the people of that time who first wrote them down#and the extreme care that was taken to record all of those detail#AND the fact that it's been preserved for so long and we can still read all the care that was put into creating this incredible piece#of artwork and worship they made#gurt says stuff#I just. gahhfhhfj. I'm feeling emotional about chapters of the Bible that I can't even fully force myself to pay attention to#bc there's so MUCH and I'm bad at visualizing this stuff and I tend to zone out while listening to it#but the fact that it IS that much!!! that there SO MUCH DETAIL and it goes on for SO LONG that I even struggle to pay attention!!!#that this was THAT IMPORTANT to the people who wrote it and to God!!! as an artist and someone who has always cared about art#this means so much to me ok#christianity#bible verse#bible thoughts#exodus#art#theology
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you wanna talk about stress YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT STRESS? I've stumbled onto a MAJOR conspiracy how bout THAT for STRESS
#dnd#dungeons and dragons#character art#illustration#gnome#wizard#pepe silvia#a friend asked 'what is melliwyk's pepe silvia' and OH BOY WHAT ISN'T LMAO#she's been sinking her little teeth into Mysteries and Conspiracies since the campaign started!! it's CONSPIRACIES: THE GAME#can't tell you how many times I've spent HOURS after a session doing this in real life with/ at my husband kfjdkjfhgdf#extremely fun extremely rewarding#although IN CHARACTER for melliwyk it's getting SO STRESSFUL because the stakes are increasingly serious lol :'D#to BE fair we don't have a lot of unsolved mysteries right this second actually#a lot of being in a 'now what do we Do About It' phase of things instead#regardless: this is an evergreen melliwyk vibe and I cannot believe it's taken me this long to actually draw it#considering how often I've mimed frantic pinboarding while discussing this campaign's events lmaooo#my OCs#melliwyk#vale walkers#dungeons and doodles
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Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist Characters: Akechi Goro, Persona 5 Protagonist Additional Tags: Sadomasochism, pain play, Minor Injuries, Wound Tending, (gone wrong) (gone sexual), Kink Discovery, Kink Exploration, Under-negotiated Kink, Under-negotiated But Consensual, Rough Sex, Akechi-Typical Violent Fantasies, Marking, Biting, Anal Sex, Clothed Sex, Top Akechi Goro, Bottom Persona 5 Protagonist, Dom/sub dynamic switching, Porn, Mid-Canon, ShuAke Week 2024
Summary:
"Disgusting," Akechi hissed, moving on to another bruise as the one he had been poking began to fade. "No wonder your teammates prefer this saccharine fantasy world to you."
"This is," Ren began, then cut off with a hiss of his own. The flesh that had instinctively flinched away from Akechi's hand pushed back into it. "Not something that's come up before."
Akechi didn't want to think about the warm flicker of relief in his chest. "What do you suppose they'd say if they walked in on you begging your own murderer to hurt you?"
"You didn't murder me," said Ren, awfully smug for someone on the verge of whimpering. "I outsmarted you, remember?"
For Shuake Week 2024, Day 6 - Wound Tending & Day 6 NSFW - Kink Exploration
#persona 5#shuake#shuakeweek2024#my fic#i can't believe it's taken me this long to write them fucking in maruki's palace#come for the smut stay for the theorizing about how akechi's metaverse outfit works
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What the Living Do - Doctor Who Fic
Written by pokimoko
Chapters: 1/1
Word Count: ~23.5K
Fandom: Doctor Who (2005)
Rating: General Audiences
Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Fourteenth Doctor & Donna Noble, Fourteenth Doctor & Rose Noble (Doctor Who: The Star Beast), The Doctor (Doctor Who) & Companion(s), The Doctor (Doctor Who) & Original Character(s)
Characters: Fourteenth Doctor (Doctor Who), Donna Noble, Rose Noble (Doctor Who: The Star Beast), Background & Cameo Characters, Original Characters, (a lot of characters haunting the heck out of the narrative)
Tags: Grief/Mourning, anticipatory grief, Post-Episode: 2023 Special 03: The Giggle (Doctor Who), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Slice of Life, Fluff and Angst, Haunting, Healing, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Uses He/Him Pronouns, (but it's a 'David Tennant-shaped immortal fucking with gender' kind of he/him ya feel me), The Doctor getting to live his Laundry and Taxes Life, Queerplatonic Relationships, The Doctor (Doctor Who) Needs a Hug, POV The Doctor (Doctor Who), Ghosts, Extended Metaphors, Past Character Death, Personification, The Doctor & Donna Noble Friendship, Angst with a Happy Ending
Summary: Having settled down with Donna and her family, the Doctor is slowly but surely getting used to living a normal, human life, along with all the simple joys that come with it.
That is, until the ghosts of his old friends start to appear, and with them, old hurts. Grief creeping in, the Doctor must confront not only his past, but also what awaits him in the future.
#doctor who#fourteenth doctor#14th doctor#the doctor#donna noble#fanfic#ao3 fanfic#my fanfic#my writing#doctor who fic#fanfiction#doctor who fanfiction#dw#can't believe it's taken this long for me to write a fic for doctor who. and that it's not about 11 or 12#if you told me last year i'd write something for 14 i wouldnt have believed you. i didnt even like calling him 14 back then. but here we ar#i went and got attached to the guy. the ending of giggle of course sealed the deal for me#and yes this is the 'goddamnit this is about grief again???' fic#in which i could have had the perfect title for this fic if not for the fact i'd already used it on a fic with a VERY similar premise#(and i love how that doesn't actually narrow it down because i just keep using this same general premise huh)#different fandom. same old ideas#in a strange twist of fate this story ended up funnier (and longer) than i planned. i blame donna and the doctor and their need to banter#and their absolutely adorable queerplatonic vibes. god i love writing these two so much#duo of all time#could this have been a chaptered fic? probably. but I've made an art out of long ass one shots so why stop now
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apparently yelling at your parents for posting a bunch of reactionary shit on facebook about how the student protestors are all pathetic snowflakes because they eat gluten-free food and have blue hair and pronouns actually works sometimes? which is good. but oh my god
#unfortunately my mom has adopted a reflexively defensive position about the state of israel due to the fact that she is uh.#surrounded by incredibly virulent unchecked antisemites in her professional context#despite the fact that she is in fact deeply condemnatory of all actual actions the israeli military has actually taken in the last year#and when confronted will in fact redevelop her actual positions once she remembers that i am not antisemitic and will not#argue that all ashkenazi israelis should be expelled back into poland because they deserve it for killing jesus.#like there are positions i'm not going to talk them around on and don't really think it's worth trying to#but i can at least remind them that they are in fact not benefiting anyone by repeating talking points from a fucking bari weiss publicatn#about the intrinsic spoiled stupidity of student protestors and how it is exemplified by their frivolous homosexuality which#by its nature trivializes the struggles of the hostages.#they don't even believe that! they even listened to my arguments for why i don't think the student protests are#astroturfed or unsalvageably entangled with antisemitism and responded in a normal thoughtful way taking my points into account#but how come i have to monitor their facebook usage in order to remind them of their actual opinions every two months#you can't keep it together long enough to remember that you hate bari weiss?? fucksake#box opener
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2024 year of charlie gets a fucking break (hopefully. maybe. tbd.)
#ctxt#i'm on medication that's reduced my post-hysterectomy pain by about 70%#i have an intake appointment with a physical therapist in march & a referral to start trigger point injections#to hopefully finally recover as completely as possible from the nightmarish neuropathy that's plagued me since uuuhhhh#going on 2 years ago. holy shit. genuinely can't believe i've been surviving & functioning as well as i have for this long#while suffering a disabling & extremely painful surgical complication. fuck my original surgeon for brushing me off during that time#but the new provider i'm working with is so responsive & thorough in her approach & seems genuinely committed#to helping me finally get relief after all this time. she listens to my feedback & is flexible in her approach#and her assistant is a great communicator who's been handling most of the logistics of care coordination for me#and what a huge fucking relief that is. to not have to drag my doctors kicking & screaming towards maybe treating me eventually#i wanna cry. i finally feel like i'm being taken seriously and cared for. and i'm not BETTER yet (might never be the same as i was pre-op)#but i actually feel optimistic for the first time in over a year that i won't just have to deal with this agonizing pain on my own forever#i might actually see enough improvement that i can start to get back to living my life instead of just surviving it#money is tighter than it's been since i got laid off during early pandemic and that's stressing me out#but i promised myself that i would put my health first in 2024 and that means only working the bare minimum needed to pay my bills for now#genuinely i so fucking needed a break. i felt like i was trying to swim through a meat grinder last year#and it wasn't until i ended up in the ER about it that i finally was able to take my own pain seriously enough#to put my foot down & make some necessary changes that are now letting me focus on Getting Well With Myself at last#in hindsight it's like. really freaking me out how thoroughly i was able to compartmentalize & dissociate from how miserable i was#bc nobody who had the ability to help me would take me seriously & my shitty boss was like. extremely textbook emotionally abusive#and on one hand that was a survival mechanism that kept me on my feet during one of the worst times of my life. so props to myself there#but it was also very maladaptive how long & unnecessarily it went on before i snapped out of it & escalated things for my own safety#it was the same helpless frustration i often felt as a kid of like 'well nobody is on my side but me so i gotta suck it up & help myself'#and i think the family trauma shit that was going on last year definitely contributed to that. idk sense of doubling across time?#and things had to get Extremely Bad before they were bad enough for me to realize that although i felt like it#i am no longer an isolated & parentified island of a child who is beholden to the whims of ignorant & indifferent adults#i actually can and should take action to advocate for myself bc i am an adult and i CAN now change my circumstances as needed#instead of just enduring them as if i'm stuck there with no agency or chance to change things#and i have a really solid support system who helped me feel like it was possible to stand up for myself to get the help i desperately need#chronic blogging
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au where she gets to save jaehaerys bc of her dreams though. dae.nys saved their whole ass house let her save one (1) precious little boy
#b&c simply find no one home. ae.mond isn't there and neither is hel.aena nor her kids or ali.cent#ae.gon might be but he's heavily guarded and if they try they'll just die 🤷♀️#maybe they even get caught bc they spend too long looking for someone to kill 🙏#idk where hel.aena would've taken the kids. maybe oldtown#grabbed the kids fastened their seatbelts on dreamfyre and went to the rest of the family#(morghul and shrykos were free to follow)#could also be au where they ran to essos but in that case she'd simply not want to come back#and i honestly don't think she would with her brothers still alive and having no intention of leaving#* out of character: { dreamfyre stan }#the show has this 'the story is already written and her visions can't change it' approach that looking at how dreamers seem to work#in the books i don't? think is true?#dae.nys is the biggest example imo#the whole thing is that the targs survived /because/ her dad believed her warning#doesn't feel very 'they were destined to survive the doom anyway' imo#idk i'm ranting but!#please... au where he doesn't die and she doesn't have to choose and yeah the world around them still sucks but idk let them suffer less 😭
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I feel like certain people on Tumblr have really been fighting for backwards progress when it comes to how we talk about mental illness and abuse. I see posts at least several times a week on my dash that seem to have the purpose of implying people with insert-mental-illness and/or insert-symptom are not abusive when they do insert-action-that-makes-people-uncomfortable, often times meaning to promote a more positive image of people with particularly stigmatized conditions, like personality disorders, mood disorders, psychosis, addiction, or neurodivergence. And I really really hate it because these posts almost always have the ultimate purpose of telling people not just "This thing is not inherently abusive," but often it comes across as "You were not abused."
I just find that to be really unhelpful and unintentionally hurtful, and for what? I believe that destigmatizing various mental conditions is a worthy cause, but at the same time this type of rhetoric seems to be so protective of people in whichever stigmatized group they're trying to advocate for, that it comes back around to a sort of respectability politics. Anybody can be an abuser. And someone's means and methods of abusing can very much be influenced by a condition they have. Why wouldn't it be? Their conditions will affect every aspect of their life and their interpersonal relationships. Especially if these issues are going untreated or being insufficiently managed. I don't understand why anyone would want to make it appear as if abusers are mostly neurotypical and mentally well people, or that if they aren't, then their conditions have nothing to do with it and the overlap is merely incidental. What? It makes it so hard for anyone who is a victim to come to terms and identify the dynamics of what they've gone through.
Addicts and mentally ill people don't have to be unproblematic in order to be humanized and accepted. And nobody profits from writing hard and fast rules about how abuse apparently works, drawing clear lines between which behaviors can, and cannot, ever be abuse.
#tales from diana#making unrebloggable bc i can't handle the discourse on this topic#my own experience with being abused and taken advantage of by someone who almost CERTAINLY had npd... just kinda breaks me#when i see this and it's like making it out to be 'everyone who says they suffered from narcissistic abuse is lying#or misunderstanding what narcissism is because ppl w npd would NEVER do this'#i can see that it's a highly stigmatized term and i don't want to act like an expert on what ppl w the condition go through#but i can tell you i felt deep sympathy for this man for a long time. i felt pity for all he'd gone through. but he'd just lay on the guilt#for every little thing i did that ever displeased him for any reason. he just degraded and disrespected me. and USED me#he used me for money for attention for CONSTANT attention oh my god#he wouldn't even let me go to sleep sometimes before 3 am. and he stole so much money from me#he put me in physical danger. he gossiped about me to all my friends when i was starting to distance myself#before i even came to terms with just how toxic he was to me.#and every time i just wanted to go somewhere wo him or even just stay at home by myself#it was about HIM. it was about how HE felt about it. he had ZERO sympathy for me and i handled all his emotional labor#this man couldn't even think for himself. he brought all his problems to me for me to sort through bc he was so inept and shallow#he was lazy he was careless he didn't listen to ppl he was casually rude#i didn't allow myself to accept these parts of him bc of all he suffered through i felt like he was just a sad little boy#who never learned manners or etiquette or. just. respect#basic respect. as much as i outlined what i wasn't ok w and what hurt me. it didn't matter to him#and NONE of these things are inherently the things that make me think he has npd#his actual suffering and the things i felt bad for him about were very real and severe#but i know what happened between us and i know he was abusive to me. the ppl writing these posts do not.#to say that someone has been abusive in an interpersonal relationship should be something we should be able to respect#and give ppl the benefit of the doubt. and victims may OFTEN not be well-informed about their own abusers' issues#but ppl can just know whether or not they were abused. regardless of if they fully grasp the why and how#if victims say something problematic or paint w a broad brush talking abt ppl who have something in common w their abuser#we should still correct that gently and kindly and not dismiss their experience outright#like i can't believe i have to say that. but i've seen some seriously upsetting posts on here recently.
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#i can't live like this anymore.#no matter what happens it's always my fault. it can never be anyone else's. and when i try to contest that i get treated like a rabid dog#so youre saying the only role im fit for is 'alcoholic shut in?' is that what you're implying? because that's what it seems like#i can't believe i ever fooled myself into thinking anything would change as long as im here.#no matter how much medication i take this town will always make me fantasize about making myself suffer.#it's a black hole. it's a well of misery. no light escapes and it taints everything inside. i can't have anything good here#i know there's something wrong with me. i get it. but it's like being here makes it worse#im a bad person. i don't want to be a good person. it doesn't feel bad. it just feels warm.#but i can take that and put it in a box when im not here. but its like this place IS the box and when im here it just festers#and because of that i can't ever be taken seriously when i have a problem. im always too emotional and too angry and too sensitive#and even if I wasn't any of those things they wouldn't take me seriously anyway.#it's one thing to say your kitchen doesn't have a problem with women and it's another thing entirely to stay true to that.#if a ticket is too slow it's my fault. if the temp on a steak is wrong it's my (female) coworker's fault. if something's not organized#it's one of the girls that left it that way. always.#but whenever the guys have problems it's 'just how it is' but when uts any of us it warrants a talking to every time#if i were normal it wouldn't bother me this much but im not and it does. and no amount of reasoning will ever change a man's mind#this was good while it lasted but i need to leave. my life depends on it. i can't survive here.
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trying to calm down and think about my life without the dreadful feeling of failure
#it's ridiculous how long it's taken me to figure out what i want#and i still don't know what i want#but im trying to be soft with myself and telling myself that it's okay to feel left behind by everyone#it's not too late (grits teeth) it's not over for me (claws at the wall)#why does giving yourself time have to be the most painful process#but im calming down and ill slowly try to fix things no matter how long it takes#ill get therapy#maybe retake my a levels#maybe go to medical school#or more specifically a veterinary college#i've been reading on forensic pathology or zoological medicine which piqued my interest more than aerospace eng ever did#there's so much grief but maybe i can fix things little by little#txt#i can't believe im going to put myself through this again
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just watched challengers at the cinema w my little sister. it was so intense wtf
#i was like grabbing onto my scalp just yanking my hair in the last 5 mins and at the end i yelled (quietly) LOVE WINS!#bc there were only 4 other ppl in the cinema lol#its so fucking stupid on the surface like ok complicated polyamory and also insane obsession with a sport bc that is what makes these people#who they are; as in the sport IS their identity as individuals that's what fills the void that lies underneath skin and bone etc.#blah blah basic shit about messy relationships with the self and romantically with others#but it's also so profound because despite the many obstacles and personality differences. they all love one another and the sport so much.#it's so weird it's twisted in a sense because it's like they only have one another and then obviously tennis (bc tennis is the bridge)#it's very.. codependent#i can't believe my little sister understood like not in a condescending way i cant believe she got it but in a “oh i didnt know you watched#stuff with this much emotion and that you cared enough to critique media“ since she doesn't usually tell me about what shes watching#and when she does she tells me about sitcoms ..#so yeah it was nice that we watched it together but also kind of weird bc#well surface level: the make out scenes were just us giggling awkwardly#and on a deeper level when i was watching it. i couldn't help but think about how#patrick at some point turned into an observer; he stopped being a part of the art tashi patrick trio (and tennis!) and turned#into a spectator#despite very much still being a fellow player#and then tashi became a spectator of the sport despite very much being absorbed in it all and in love with art (?)#i dont know what else to call it but her need to control him came from a place of some kind of care ... albeit manipulative and self serving#so Patrick and tashi are almost parallel lines if that makes sense#theyre kicked out of “the club” whatever the club may be (for Patrick he's no longer in the trio) and for Tashi once the trio is long gone#she's no longer a competitor bc of her injury#and then art is just in the middle of it all#and he'd always followed Patrick's lead in the past and then he started thinking for himself until he became so taken by Tashi#and then he just became her little follower#he just wants to be loved and told what to do because he doesn't know how else to live. im projecting? im projecting. anyway!#the ending. god. the ending sums up their whole past dynamic:#patrick is petty. art is irritated. tashi doesn't get their little dynamic. patrick loves art. art is forgiving. tashi loves the sport#(and maybe she loves them both in her own fucked up control freak way)#z.post
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If I had a big group drawing of all the OCs in the tournament and then as they got voted off I faded them out of the pic like on next top model. Imagine. That would have been so epic.
#i jsut dont have the TIME#also. the brackets are taking so long to prepare. I can't believe how long it's taken me to prepare just half of them
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Nihilism is a positive, life affirming philosophy. Something my christian mother couldn't, or didn't want to, understand
And Schoppenhauer is interesting but only worth anything when you conclude he is wrong
Berserk as a Nietzschean Tragedy — Art, Morality, Affirmation by Jonas Čeika
youtube
#when I was 16 in the face of my friends still being close to christian morality and therefore by extension fascist thought (something I was#incapable of naming back then and only fully getting out of in my 20s after falling out with all of them)#I invented the term of ''positive Nihilism'' on my own. this in turn was a thought that spread throughout our very depressed and more#hopeless shunned by other students friend group and synergized well with the hedonistic freedom we gained by getting old enough to buy#alcohol and other drugs. but didn't lead to all of us moving away from moralistic and judgy world views. for most it only changed#what the rules and who worthy targets of morality and judginess were#and influenced by this bad philosophy taught in school and right wing influencers having the biggest presence online I also#didn't manage to free myself from christian moralistic and fascist world views. even if I developed an#understanding of how racism and science were related at the time and thought myself to be a true liberal (I wasn't) ( andthat's kinda true#for essentially all liberals. because they denie collective action for the greater good. and thereby denie that collective action for the#bad can already exist. implicitly without any great plot to be necessary#and I used the terms bad and good here. but not to describe any conviction of anyone. to describe a result of action/inaction taken#back then I struggled heavily with self worth because there wasn't any system in which I could get ranked that affirmed#my worth or my virtues. my talents. because it can't. and if there was it would need to denie someone else's value#that's inevitable. being good at something is great but has no implications on other people#alone for the fact that they might have different standards. different goals#the complexity of humanity and the inability of us to weigh one another against each other. to compare ourselves amongst one another#is what truly reveals the worth of each and every one of us. we're alive and nothing can be worth more. so we should strive to keep everyon#around as long as they want to be around. and we should always denie anyone who wants to denie others ability and right to live#and I'm not some Kantian Idiot believing that the laws of nature mandate you aren't allowed to kill yourself or something#I'm just here to say even if I hate you I'd rather you're alive so that I can decide not to talk to you than for you to be dead.#someone else will love you and cherish every moment with you and I'll love that you're spending that time together.#I kinda lost the thread and my brain is producing thoughts I wanna write down but can't make sense off or put into words.#I don't know what the thoughts are myself. I forgot at least one of them after formulating it correctly because there were so many#kissing you (only if you want to/allow it)#Youtube
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