#I can't believe I don't get paid for this

[24hlevi]

not sure which characters u write about for arcane!! but if you do male characters, could be anyone of your choice where they don’t get the hint you like them or want to take their relationship further (depends if u wanna do sfw or nsfw!!) :) tyyy!

for male characters i write for jayce, viktor, ekko, and silco! thank you for requesting 🫶

— TAKE A HINT

viktor (arcane) x gn!reader

warnings/tags: oblivious!viktor, confessions, fluff, sfw

you thought you were going mildly insane, having a crush on your friend as his second partner to jayce

to be fair, you kinda were, judging how no matter what you did in attempt to give hints just led nowhere

you tried talking to jayce on a few occasions, trying to get some advice on what to do, but he wasn't much help with relationship stuff as he claimed

you tried over and over again to get viktor to notice you more than just a friend, and every time, he couldn't tell

"hey," you say softly, slowly approaching viktor from behind with a hot cup of tea in your hands.

viktor turns his head as soon as he hears your voice draw him out of his work, and a small smile grows on his face. "good evening, yn," he replies.

"i brought you some tea," you set the cup down carefully next to his papers that were scattered along the table. "have you ate anything yet?"

"thank you," viktor responds, his eyes following your hand as you set the cup down. "i have not," he then shakes his head. "jayce tried asking earlier, but i wasn't quite hungry."

"would you like me to try and make you something?" you ask, looking down at him as you fiddle with your hands anxiously.

"mm," he hums, shrugging his shoulders lightly. "i would prefer your presence here with me. if you don't mind, that is."

"i don't mind," you shake your head, trying to fight the smile forming on your face. "just tell me what you'd like me to do."

"nothing," viktor answers, having you look at him with confusion. "you don't have to do anything, precisely. just your presence is enough."

"oh...okay,"

you still couldn't figure out how to get viktor to realize you had feelings for him, you couldn't believe how oblivious he was

after years of liking the male, he didn't ever seem to appear like he reciprocated those feelings, making you slowly give up as time went by

it wasn't until one early morning, that it all finally fell into place

viktor slowly made his way to the lab. it was early morning, the sun hardly peeking out from over the horizon as he hobbled through the hallway. this morning, he was already thrown a bit off his rocker. for he hadn't seen you yet since he woke up. normally, you would be awake and moving before him and jayce, so it was odd to not see you around as he walked down the hall.

entering the lab, viktor turns on the lights, and then stops in his spot. there you were. your body slouched against the table with papers messily filled with calculations that viktor was doing the day prior, seemingly asleep. slowly, he approaches you and stands behind you, silently looking at you. the sun is shining against your face, and viktor comes to the realization that he never paid attention to how much he liked looking at you. you looked so peaceful like this, and he felt an odd sensation in his chest as he peered down at you.

suddenly, you start stirring around, slowly opening your eyes to see viktor standing above you. "mm? viktor?" you groggily mumble.

seeing you wake up, viktor, as fast as he can, takes a few steps back, his face turning red at possibly being caught. "s-sorry," he stutters.

your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. did he just stutter? you rub your eyes with your hands before blinking a few times to look at him clearer. was he...staring at you while you were asleep? while this would be extremely creepy if it were anyone else, you couldn't help but feel somewhat flattered by his reaction. you take a look around and realize you're in the lab. "oh gosh, i can't believe i fell asleep in here," you drag your hands across your face. "i'm sorry, viktor. i was trying to finish what you were doing yesterday."

"it is alright," viktor says after taking a moment to calm his heartbeat from jumping out of his chest. he then realizes what you said, and his face contorts into confusion, looking at the papers on the table. "you didn't have to. i would have figured it out by this week i'm sure."

"i just wanted to help more," you admit with a short sigh. "ever since you and jayce started this new development for hextech...i feel like i've fallen behind." you look down at all the papers in front of you in shame that you still couldn't figure it out.

viktor's expression changes again, no longer confused but a soft look as he notices the tone in your voice change. you sound almost defeated, clearly upset about this. hesitantly, he places a hand on your shoulder, causing you to look up at him. "it is okay, yn," he starts, his tone soft like his expression on his face. "you being here is enough for me. you do not need to prove yourself, for i already know how smart you are. do not worry of hextech if you fear you are falling behind. i appreciate your presence more than anything else."

looking up at him, you slowly nod your head and stand from your seat. you don't know what to say, but thankfully for you, viktor continues speaking.

"i have noticed some...changes in my thoughts recently," he says slowly, as if he were choosing his words carefully. "while they are primarily filled with ideas of hextech and how we could evolve the future...they are also about you. i want to create something that will help our future, that will help your future. these past couple of weeks...i have thought of you more. i thought it was normal at first...but the more i thought about what i was thinking about i..came to a realization." he sees the way you look at him with subtle confusion on your face, and he hesitates before continuing. "i believe i may have some kind of feelings for you, yn."

your eyes widen in shock, looking at viktor as he explains his thoughts, and you're not sure what to do. "what?" you quietly let out.

"yes, it appears to be that way," viktor nods. "just now, i have confirmed it. i may not have noticed it fast enough, and i sincerely apologize if i am too late now, but i had to get this off my chest before it would ruin me."

"o-oh," you stutter, a fiery blush growing on your face. "you-you're not too late," you say finally. "i've uhm, had feelings for you for a while now," you admit.

hearing this, a smile makes its way onto viktor's face. "really?" he asks.

"yeah," you nod. "i thought you were never going to notice or were purposely ignoring my attempts."

"ah," he lets out. "i would never purposely ignore you, yn," he says, pushing some of your hair out of your face. "let's just say i am a bit slow when it comes to these things. i apologize if i ever gave you the wrong idea."

"it's okay," you reply.

"well then, shall we establish this whilst we finish these calculations?" he has a smile on his face as he speaks, dragging another chair to sit down beside you.

"yeah," you nod, smiling back at him.

"great."

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

Okay this is really bad. This is 16 year old Tocoi at Marineland Florida exhibiting very clear signs of an emaciated dolphin. The biggest giveaway is the very obvious peanut head - the loss of fat deposits around the skull creating that dip that you can see behind her eyes.

This whole video was hard to watch - the trainer doesn't reinforce Tocoi with food once - while talking about how they look after their dolphin's wellbeing with an emaciated dolphin in front of them.

This is an example of a dolphin that is actually being starved to perform - and they don't even seem to be even feeding her for her efforts! (Though allegedly none of the trainers at Marineland Florida are being paid at the moment)

Cat Rust, a former trainer at the facility, posted a video about it that you can watch here

I just can't believe they would post a video with an obviously underweight dolphin talking about daily health exams... Do the trainers not know what an emaciated dolphin looks like?? That said, I don't necessarily blame them since I know it's not their choice to cut diets and they probably can't speak out about it.

The common thread here is The Dolphin Company - they were caught cutting diets to ridiculously low levels at Miami Seaquarium to make dolphins do programs. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing was happening here. Whoever is making these decisions to limit vital nutrition to the animals in their care needs to lose their job. And just get out of this industry entirely.

If you need to cut diets to make animals do something, you are a bad trainer and you should feel bad. If you are using food as coercion you are not training with positive reinforcement. Starving animals makes for frustrated and potentially dangerous animals that are complying out of necessity. That is not positive reinforcement anymore - that is negative reinforcement (uncomfortable stimulus - hunger - is removed by being fed after performing a behaviour).

My theory is that it is because the Dolphin Company runs on a specific "formula" of program that requires specific behaviours are guarenteed to their guests. Because of that rigidity, the programs are boring and the dolphins lose interest because it's the same stupid foot push or hand shake every time. Instead of making better programs that the dolphins can enjoy participating in ... they cut diets. Because they clearly value profit over welfare and it absolutely disgusts me on so many levels.

Hoping that more attention to this issue means that the company will actually feed this poor dolphin some more food - at the very least so she doesn't look so horribly underfed and make them look bad. But whatever accreditation this facility has needs to be re-evaluated and the USDA needs to get in there asap.

[fellthemarvelous]

How can you be on the council and not be a master?

I need to stop looking at Star Wars TikTok posts because I guess the concept of personal accountability is lost on so many people.

I love Anakin Skywalker. I do. I think he is one of the best fictional characters ever created because he is so fucking complex. I love him for all the good he did and in spite of all the bad things he did as Darth Vader. In the end, he sacrificed his own life to save his son.

That's the thing that's killing me right now.

People want to blame everyone else except for Anakin for the choices he made. They want to blame the Jedi because the Jedi don't strictly adhere to their vision of love and are therefore responsible for why Anakin fell to the dark side.

I saw a few comments where someone blamed the Jedi (specifically Obi-Wan), blamed the council, blamed Ahsoka because she left him, blamed Padme (because if we can't blame female characters for something then what are we even doing, right?), blamed the Jedi for not trusting him (and therefore somehow preventing him from believing in himself), and then at the end was like...oh and I guess Palpatine too since he groomed him for 13 years.

First of all, why is it a chore to blame Palpatine for Anakin's problems but so easy to blame the Jedi?

Imagine the heartbreak Anakin felt when he learned that the man who spent 13 years mentoring him turned out to be the Sith lord the Jedi had been searching for. That's reason enough to be angry at Palpatine because it was Palpatine who broke Anakin's spirit.

Secondly, not one of these people is responsible for Anakin's actions. Not one of them. Not even Palpatine. That's why it had to be Anakin's choice. Palpatine could not force him to fall, so he had to resort to manipulation and gaslighting to fuck with Anakin's head. He spent 13 years planting seeds of self-doubt and mistrust in the Jedi in Anakin's head. Because what happened when Palpatine assigned Anakin to the Jedi council despite having zero authority to do so??

"How can you be on the council and not be a master?"

The Jedi Council would like to ask Anakin the same question.

You have to be a Jedi master before you can be on the council.

Anakin became upset because he was denied the rank of master. It didn't occur to him at all that Palpatine intentionally placed him in that situation for that exact reason. Palpatine knew the Jedi well, and he knew how they would react. He knew it would lead the Jedi to asking Anakin to spy on him. He played the long game and it paid off.

The Jedi taught Anakin what they could, but they have no control over whether or not Anakin put the Jedi code into practice. The Jedi trusted Anakin. We saw them trust Anakin with their lives many many times during the Clone Wars.

They gave him a padawan for crying out loud. They looked at this 19-year-old, freshly knighted Jedi General and trusted him to mentor Ahsoka, a 14-year-old girl who was more advanced than everyone else her age. He's a vergence in the Force and they gave him a padawan who was already incredibly powerful. It's rare for Jedi to get their own padawans at such a young age, but Anakin was a Force prodigy and Ahsoka could have become a knight herself at 16 if she had not left the Order.

The Jedi trusted him. Until they didn't.

Anakin is the one who slaughtered an entire clan of Tusken Raiders in anger after the death of his mother. Even the women and the children. He killed all of them because he hated all of them and he was angry because he wasn't able to prevent his mother from dying in his arms. The only people who knew about that were Padme and Palpatine.

Anakin is the one who spent three years lying to the Jedi because he kept his relationship with Padme a secret from everyone (except Rex). He believed he could have it all if he tried hard enough, and trying to have it all is what lead to him losing everything when he chose to fall to the dark side, when he chose to sacrifice the galaxy for one person, only to lose her and his unborn child for good.

During the war, Ahsoka told Barriss that Anakin will always do what needs to be done, leaving out the part that includes the use of terror and torture. Barriss got to witness Anakin's rage personally when he figured out that she was the one who framed Ahsoka for treason.

We all saw how Luminara reacted to Ahsoka violently threatening Nute Gunray to get him to talk. She was horrified and immediately reprimanded Ahsoka because it is not the Jedi way to resort to terror. The Jedi were supposed to negotiate, not terrorize. And Anakin taught Ahsoka his version of aggressive negotiations. (And she hinted at the fact that she used aggressive negotiations against Morgan Elsbeth when Huyang questioned her about how she obtained the information to locate the map to Peridea and she told him that she did not follow Jedi protocol.)

When Anakin interrogated Poggle the Lesser during Brain Invaders, he physically hit Poggle before force choking him. He used brutality to get the answers he needed. Obi-Wan, Luminara and Ki-Adi all expressed concern over how he got Poggle to talk, and he wouldn't tell them what he did. What he did went against the Jedi code. He made that choice. No one else made it for him. He knows it was wrong. It's why he didn't answer their questions.

Yes, he was doing it because Ahsoka was in imminent danger and he needed to save her (and Barriss and the infected clones) and there wasn't enough time to negotiate with Poggle. Anakin did what an older brother would have done for his little sister, but she was also his padawan and he was her master. And it was very clear that Ahsoka was a lot like him.

It's not Anakin's fault that Ahsoka left the Jedi Order, but it is not Ahsoka's fault that Anakin fell. He was incapable of letting go of his padawan (he literally resurrected her from the dead on Mortis), which was an important part of the reason he was given a padawan in the first place. He had formed a strong attachment to her just as he had Padme and Obi-Wan and Rex and C-3PO and R2-D2.

His unwillingness to let go of his attachments is what caused him to fall. He was a Jedi, and Jedi are not supposed to form attachments. So when he betrayed the Jedi Order to save Padme's life, his fall to the dark side was a result of him giving into his hatred and his anger. He took his rage out on an entire galaxy for 25 years because he was unable to let go.

Attachment does not equal love.

Maul was attached to Obi-Wan and there was nothing loving about it. It was violent and many people died because of Maul's inability to let go of his anger and hatred for Obi-Wan.

The whole reason that Anakin gave into the dark side completely was because he fell for the trap. He believed he could use the dark side without letting it consume him, but the dark side is all about controlling others. He couldn't control Padme and he ended up force choking her. He couldn't control Ahsoka and she left. He couldn't control Obi-Wan and chose to fight against him instead of listening to Obi-Wan's pleas.

No one could save Anakin Skywalker from himself. He had to save himself from his own darkness.

Which he did, in the end, because he saw his son being tortured by Palpatine, and he realized what it meant to let go. He finally understood what he needed to do and accepted that he would have to give up his own life to do so.

It took him a long time to understand what it means to let go, because letting go isn't giving up. Letting go is about accepting that there are some things beyond his control.

The conversation he had with his mother on Mortis was key to helping him accept who he was in the end. "Your guilt does not define you. You define your guilt."

He knew he was going to die, but he died saving someone he loved, doing the right thing and ultimately returning balance to the Force. He accepted his destiny. He accepted responsibility for who he was as Anakin Skywalker and that Anakin Skywalker was also responsible for the actions of Darth Vader because they were one in the same.

It's the problem we see Ahsoka struggling with when she's with him in the World Between Worlds. She struggled with the knowledge that her master became a monster and worried about what that meant for her. She struggled to figure out who she would have become if she had not left the Order. She had to wrestle with her own darkness, and Anakin's final lesson to her also took a weight off her shoulders. It's why she's suddenly that same girl we saw at the beginning of the war. The one who always smiled and was always so sure of herself. She chose the light and it was reflected in the way she suddenly began wearing white, a contrast to what she'd been wearing decades.

It's understanding that she has control of her own destiny, whatever that might be, and that she gets to choose who she decides to be. Anakin chose to be a Jedi in the end, and he was able to pass a hard-learned lesson onto a padawan he loved like his own sister. He was still able to watch out for her in the end while teaching her one more time.

It's never too late to do the right thing, but it's Anakin who has to take responsibility for his actions instead of blaming everyone else for all of his problems.

Apparently that's a lesson a lot of fans need to learn too.

A question Star Wars has always asked us is "how far are you willing to go to save what you love?"

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Junior Year Ep 14 Sleuthing and Scantrons

Welcome back to Fantasy High where we are back from winter break and hitting the ground running starting with our girl Kristen who just learned that the proselytizing patriarch of the Dawn clan–Bobby Dawn–is her new Cleric teacher. 

Kristen decides to not make waves and just vibe out the situation. Bobby isn’t doing anything obviously out of pocket like calling people heathens, but his vibe is way preacher-y than Yolanda’s more neutral academic style and Kristen can clock that he’s giving certain kids a harder time than others (likely based on their choice of deity). 

We’re still on downtime so let’s run through Kristen's tracks. 

She thinks about doing a Mystery roll to learn more about Ankarna but rolls Academics first for a 19. A+.

Next, she rolls Popularity and she specifically wants to hit up Gertie. She passes with room to spare on a 21 and, amidst some awkward flirting that at least Gertie seems super into, asks her some questions about the Devil’s Honey. Gertie says that she hasn’t made a ton–just a few bottles. The nectar you need to make it is pretty rare. Her client (the trucks and thus, presumably KP) ordered two bottles right after the new year which is twice as many as she got last time. Kristen tries to get Gertie to switch the honey with a placebo but Gertie isn’t willing to lie so she settles for Gertie reporting back on if they ask for any more (which is logged into the school records anyway). With the logs, Kristen can see that the first delivery of Devil's Nectar happened a week or two after spring break last year--this is before Lucy even died. 

After that she has a Relationship roll and wants to finally have that chat with her parents. On a 27 they have a reasonably cordial meeting at Krom’s Diner. Her whole fam is there–brothers and parents. Her parents are pretty happy that Bobby Dawn is the new cleric teacher (though the have a foot in mouth moment when they realize that Yolanda was murdered and not fired like they thought and that they were basically just celebrating a woman’s non-Helio sanctioned murder).Bucky’s happy to see his sister and a little bummed that he hasn’t been able to convert anyone in his party to Helioism. 

She asks how her parents feel about Gal and their vibe is like, “Shrug, she’s fine.” Not Helio but she’s not infernal or anything. Kristen floats the idea of her attending church one Sunday–not to come back to the church, just to observe and for her class–but her parents are practically salivating at the opportunity to bring her back into the fold. Her mom specifically points out that it seems kismet that she, as Helio’s chosen (even if she’s not currently in the church), was the one to bring back the sun. 

Bucky catches a glimpse of Kristen’s Cass shards and asks about them but, before she can tell him much, her parents cut her off and end the encounter. They tell Kristen they’ll pay for her bill so, naturally, she runs up a huge tab. 

Final roll is for her campaign and she gets a Nat 20! She is absolutely crushing it–and why wouldn’t she be? She’s a world saving, total stud who rides with the coolest kid at school, a literal rockstar, and the people’s dork. And her opponent is Kipperlilly, ultimate bad vibes generator. Kristen and KP have a tense standoff where Kristen asks her what’s she’s trying to forget with the devil’s honey and KP tells her to fuck herself. 

All of the Bad Kids square up, ready to throw hands on the spot but Oisin–wizard of the Rat Grinders–breaks it up. There is a long beat of the Bad Kids trying to recruit Mary Ann for reasons that are beyond me that you’ll just have to watch for yourself and the Bad Kids declare that all the RG’s are a lost cause except for her. Adaine, in an uncharacteristically un-aggro move for her–says that the wizard actually seems kind of cool and Brennan asks for a Perception check. 

She rolls like trash but everyone wants to know what the cute wizard thinks about her and social engineer some romance for their girl so they pile on the buffs to turn her four into a dirty 20. With them coaxing her to pay better attention, they see that Oisin is waiting to say something to her–he casts the Message cantrip and gives her a quick, “Sorry,” to apologize for her friends’ behavior. Then their whole crew heads out. Fig reveals that she’s the one behind the entire Complicated Women Podcast. Where does your web of deceit end Figueroth???

Next up to run through tracks is Gorgug. 

First track is Barb and he crushes it with a 26. Porter is so proud. A+!

Next is Artificer (Brennan only makes him roll once, not three times) and he gets a 31! He’s officially a Barbificer which means he can hold concentration on pre-cast spells while raging. Henry is super proud of him too! He gets some more cool gadgets so he’s all twins-y with Riz. Green guys with gadgets! 

His next track is Mystery and here’s where things get juicy. He wants to dig into Henry’s deal and, with Flash of Genius, gets a 20. He snoops around Henry's desk before his class one day and finds a note from Ruben asking for a ride home, nothing about the Cloud Rider engine, and some Grix parts along with his notes which seem to indicate that fixing Grix isn't his top priority and he's gonna leave it until Aguefort is back. Suddenly, Gorgug hears something from outside the door--a conversation between Henry and Jace. Jace says that he got Henry's letter about Ruben and he's just there to assure him that everything is fine. Henry doesn't sound super assured and wants to have a more in depth meeting but Jace gets pretty aggro pretty quick. He says he's too busy for that and they should meet at the school year when Aguefort is back and when Henry pushes back on that, Jace Misty Steps to be all up in his face and says he should keep his fucking nose out of other people's business. Henry walks into the class, clearly shaken, and Gorgug plays dumb effectively, slipping on his headphones like he didn’t hear anything. 

Finally, he rolls Owlbears and fails. Rather than push it (which would make him take his fifth token) he decides his heart isn’t in it and drops Owlbears. Fabian and Gorthalax are both disappointed, even though they understand. Riz gets promoted from off the bench to fill his spot, much to his glee. Fabian and Kristen both try to roll relaxation but they fail (which has no mechanical downside).

Speaking of Riz, let’s do his tracks next!

As always he does Academics first and rolls a 31. DC to find the Rogue Prof is 30 which means he’s right on her trail! We don’t resolve that this episode but Brennan says that he finds Eugenia Shadow’s (the teacher) death records which means that, as they suspected from episode 1 of this season, she’s almost certainly a ghost. 

Extracurriculars with disadvantage is a dirty 20 so he’s still on top of those. 

Third roll is a Mystery roll to try and figure out how the Rat Grinders became the Rat Grinder from the High 5 Heroes. A 23 is only enough for some basic clues which are as follows. From Gertie, he learns that part of what makes Devil’s Honey work to make you a good liar is it makes you in the moment believe what you’re saying which erases some of the tells of lying from your expression and body language. It also allows you to lie without speaking which is useful for Wizards speaking telepathically AND for its original purpose: lying in prayer. Fig thinks this could maybe be used to pray effectively through doubt. Riz also catches Jawbone (who just finished giving a muffin to a hard at work Adaine–cute!) and asks about Kipperlily and her finding the rogue teacher. Jawbone says it was all above board though she did find her crazy fast–8:01 on the first day, literally the first minute it was possible. (Adaine/Shiv remembers at this point that she has ethereal vision and can def help Riz find a ghost). Jawbone mentions that the people at the morgue are trying to do something about the runes on Lucy and Yolanda and racing the clock before rezzing them because borderline impossible--they're getting close to the one year limit with Lucy. Riz knows there’s more info he can get but it would mean stealing the file from Jawbone and listen. He’s a good guy rule follower but he’s also a Rogue baybee. Nat 20 to snatch it with Jawbone none the wiser. Brennan says that he’ll properly dig into it later but, for at a quick glance, he sees that she's been coming to the counselor since Freshman year for anger issues and that his name is in the file for some reason. Mysterious!

Fourth roll is Owlbears and, with a portent roll from Adaine, he manages to hang on and not totally flame out. I like to imagine she literally used her oracle magic to predict what was gonna happen and drilled the moves he needed to not get tackled into his head like DDR steps. 

Last up is our girl Fig!

She does her Work track first and actually works on her album properly for the first time in ages. With an insane plus 20 to Performance (????) she gets an ungodly 38 and writes the most metal song ever which is an 8 minute epic about gods and devils which requires Adaine to make a magical copy of Gorgug just so he can play the drum part. It’s called Dawn of Justice and it rocks so epically hard that she is able to inadvertently magically call dibs on Ankarna. No one can rez the goddess but her. She also casts Find Greater Steed and is able to summon the horse that Ankarna used the gifted wedding bridle on So, clearly Fig took those warnings about Ankarna finding worshippers super to heart! 

[Note: My notes say that the bridle was a gift from Ruvina to Cass actually, but hey. I guess when you're married what's mine is yours and all that.]

Next track is Paladin and she gets a 29. A+! While she’s working with Porter, she asks him about the Mountains of Chaos which she thinks is on another plane but he clarifies it’s just up north and parties go there to clear dungeons all the time–including the Rat Grinders many times. That’s news to me because this is the first we’re hearing of them doing anything besides stepping on rats. 

Next for Fig is Mystery and she wants to use her Dream spell to visit Lola. In Lola's dream, she's remembering a email between her and Ruben about the podcast (Fig realizes she never followed up on that) and also she sees that Lola was talking to Ruben with Jace CC'd. Fig appears as herself in the dream and tries to be like, “Hey, I talked to Jace, cut me in on the plan.” Lola wants to know if she wants to go back on tour because Ruben just canceled, which surprised both me and Fig. But Fig hides it well and is like, “Yeah, Ruben just canceled, that’s why I want in.” She gets a Nat 1 Insight so Lola seems pretty clueless about a plan. When Fig floats the idea of Jace being a part of a plan to summon a god, Lola says she has no idea what she's talking about and Jace isn't a planner, he just gets in her way. But what she sees as him being a nuisance looks a lot like clues. Apparently Jace doesn't want Ruben touring and he was the one who made Ruben get Frosty Folk moved to the Thislespring Tree. Fig stores away that info and then warps the dream into something normal (by dream standards) to cover her tracks as she gets out of there. 

Lastly, she wants to leave a note for Zara saying, “Hey not coming to class this week” but Brennan has her roll and apparently the note is an excellent example of attempting to get your way that Zara respects because it’s still a 34 and and A+! Our kids are doing really well!

Except, here’s the thing. They’re not actually. Or at least, Kristen isn’t. It’s mid April now, just like IRL, and grades have come out. Kristen is failing Cleric classes again. She’s expelled. 

Everyone is outraged. She’s been working so hard under insanely difficult circumstances! They march to Jawbone’s office to get answers and he sees the problem. Yolanda made allowances that let her be a cleric with a dead god but Bobby got rid of that. He said no god is an automatic failure. Riz is so stressed that he elects to take a fourth stress token. Gotta respect Murph for the move but that’s crazy. 

[Note: This doesn’t become relevant in this ep but it’s mentioned around here so I just wanna say, Riz hasn’t had a chance to dig into KP’s file yet but there’s something about her going to a cemetery in Ashgrove which he connects to the ghost Rogue teacher. Also, they all share the info they learned in downtime.]

ANYWAY, the Bad Kids are ready to throw hands once again and head for Bobby Dawn’s classroom, but Kristen has them all wait in the hall while she confronts him and she tries a novel tactic. She goes in crying. She claims that her Cass shards have been destroyed and that she’s lost and directionless. She gets a 26 on her Deception and Adaine, with all the quiet confidence of the elven Oracle, says that Bobby gets a 1 on his Insight roll. Kristen says she’s ready to come back to the fold and allows Bobby to pray with her but when she asks about the paperwork to get her reinstated at school, he’s not interested in that. He believes that she’s sincere but he’s not gonna break rules or make allowances for her. Kristen gets the sense that he actively wants her to be expelled for some reason and he got what he wanted. 

Her friends are outside, practically salivating as they get ready to kick some Foghorn Leghorn ass, but Jawbone shows up and says that they qualify for The Last Standard–aka the Last Stand Exam–and they all decide that that’s a better first option than murdering ANOTHER faculty member. As Kristen leaves, Bobby Dawn gives her a bit of advice that seems to point to her falling in line and being Helio’s chosen again and Kristen calls him a control freak and says he’ll never win–which is a satisfying way to leave a room but a waste of a great Deception roll! The other kids cast various spells on him so he smells like shit the rest of the day because they’re all loyal, petty gremlins. 

Jawbone explains what exactly the Last Stand is. It’s an endurance test that replicates the conditions of a desperate last stand. They’ll have to answer questions while waves and waves of monsters try to kill them. Adaine and Riz are the only ones excited about the questions. There will be 12 questions (two for each of them) and a proctor. They lose 30 points (Out of 100)  if the proctor (who is some rando named Gavin Pundle) dies. There will be a cleric on hand to rez them if they die but it’s more like when they die. We don’t learn this until later but this isn’t an exam where you’re not expected to TPK. But hypothetically you could stay up the whole time because there’s a limited amount of monsters. Also, it’s not like you die, you're out. Kristen can still rez her friends. It’s just a TPK that ends it all. And one more piece of info I’m gonna give you early to keep the rules together. The questions they have to answer are not rolls. They are timed questions/challenges that the actual at the table players have to answer in real life. But they do have a lifetime. Remember how Gorgug won a mysterious academic resource for getting double Nat 20s in his classes earlier in the year? Well that gets the party a stamp that they can use on two of their questions before the time runs out to skip it without penalty. OK, that’s everything! Got it? Good. The Bad Kids get a good night’s sleep and the next day, it’s time for the Last Stand! 

The Last Stand is held in some kind of extra dimensional pocket dimension full of illusory, cheering Agueforts. Buddy Dawn is the volunteer cleric on duty and the group seems wary of him even though he’s taken a divine oath that will strip him of his magic if he fails to rez them.

Because the Bad Kids are doing so well in school, they get a grace period to set up a bunch of buffs and readied actions and stuff. You already know the drill–I’m not gonna do a play by play of every single spell, buff, and attack for this fight but I’ll give highlights. Kristen casts Death Ward on the proctor (great forethought) and Adaine summons Moggy the Doggy to protect him. Fabian has the Hangman and summons some rats (Adaine is happy that Fabian is using her present). Adaine summons the Dry Guys and does Mirror Image. Fig disguises herself as the Proctor, summons Ankarna’s fiery steed as well as spirit guardians, and does Armor of Ayda on herself and her mount. Riz has his Mage Hand out. I’m sure I’m missing stuff but the point is, they’re buffed as hell and ready to go. They pump themselves up with a Hoot Growl chant and then it’s off to the races!

The first wave of monsters includes an otyugh, a gorgon, a steel bull, a hydra, skeletons, and three ochre jellies. Brennan tells them that they’re literally at adventuring school so it’s not meta gaming to know things like you have to cauterize a Hyrdra’s neck lest two more heads grow in its place or that jellies are weak to fire. 

Highlights!

Riz does CRAZY damage with all his rogue stuff. Adaine and Gorgug do a cool tag team where he cuts a Hydra head off by boomeranging its head off with an ax before she cauterizes it with a Chromatic Orb. Emily/Fig throws away her dice cause she’s rolling SO BAD.

At the top of the next round, Riz gets the first folder with a test question. There is one marked Investigation and one marked History. He grabs the Investigation and Brennan hands him an actual Scantron (everyone hated that) with the phrase “Bony Girth” written on it before turning over an hourglass. They’re allowed to work together on these and we get to see some teamwork in action. Ally and Murph both realize right away that it’s an anagram. Murph gets the word Night and Ally hits him and says, “Night Yorb!” A “Correct” stamp graphic hits the dome. They got one! 

Fabian goes for a folder as well and his choices are Athletics and Common. He goes for Athletics but the desk turns out to be a mimic and attacks him. He just tanks the damage because he doesn’t have the time to fight it. This is a multiple choice question about who the Owlbears’ rival team is. They're between the Buccaneers and the Hellions. Siobhan thinks it’s the Buccaneers since Bastion City is right nearby but realizes that Lou is correct when he says that that’s actually the professional team that Ragh is trying out for, not their high school team. Lou says Hudol Hellions and that’s another one in the bag! 

More highlights!

Fabian makes quick work of the Hydra, doing a ton of fancy Fighter moves to cleave the rest of its heads and then sending in the Hangman in dog form to fire breath all the neck stumps. Fig Fireballs the otyugh and two of the jellies! Gorgug gets TWO NAT 20s in a row plus another hit to get the bull from 100% to bloodied. 

And to close out the episode, Kristen sends a quick prayer up to Cass and then does Turn Undead, destroying all the skeletons on the field. Whatever else happens in this fight, you can’t deny that the Bad Kids are off to an amazing start. Let’s hope they can keep the momentum going as we head into the second half of the Last Stand, next week!

Detention

Bobby Dawn for Failing Kristen

I knew I wouldn’t need to wait long to put him on my shit list. He can absolutely go to hell for saying that letting Kristen remain in class was “against the rules” somehow. That’s a simple exercise of discretion! And if anything, isn’t it more impressive that Kristen is still running circles around other clerics with a dead(ish) god? That her god is still able to communicate with her in this state? ALSO, if we’re getting technical, Cass isn’t actually dead! We've established that. She’s, as Miracle Max said, only mostly dead which is still partially alive! I know this needed to happen to force the Last Stand but he can still jump into a lake. I hate that, even when she's actually earnestly and effectively applying herself, Kristen is getting smacked down by the system.

(Also, I have to assume Helio died for three days at some point and came back since he’s basically frat bro corn Jesus. Gods die and come back! It’s a thing! It’s a thing that they do!)

Honor Roll

All of the Bad Kids for Loyalty and Badassery

I really couldn’t pick this week so I decided to just give it to all of them. I tried to do a more in depth recap this week to really highlight the coolness of everyone. I think they have especially good team synergy this week from trying to help Adaine get her kisses in to being ready to throw down for Kristen. And everyone got at least one major piece of Mystery info in their downtime rolls. Not to mention how strong they came out for the first part of the Last Stand. I’m just super impressed and I love them individually and as a unit!

Random Thoughts

OK so obviously the biggest red flag right now is Jace. As I pointed out in the last recap, he was there talking to Kalina in the conversation Ragh saw and now we have two more suspicious actions from him. Now I’m questioning his other actions too. Like, making Riz a part of the interim staff. Was that in order to make sure he fell under the staff category for an ulterior motive bylaws related reason? And is he fully working with The Rat Grinders? He’s a sorc but what origin? What if he’s divine soul and wrapped into this god stuff somehow?

(This could be nothing but the other big loose end besides the above that’s been stuck in my craw in Soph year is Sandra-Lynn talking about a couple that made things hard for her and I’ve always wondered if Jace was involved there.)   

Handing a Nat 1 portent roll to your DM must feel like doing drugs. 

Kipperlily had had rage issues since Freshman year, huh? Does that mean she’s been in league with the corrupted Ankarna since then or just a really easy target? And why would Riz’s name be in her file? I so badly want to know what else is in that file. Brennan, I know you need to control the pacing of the story to some degree but in no world does Riz see his name in that file and go, “Welp I’ll check that out later.” Absolutely not. 

Also, two more Rat Grinder points. KP ordered the honey BEFORE Lucy died? That’s suspicious. And Porter confirmed that they’ve been to the Mountains of Chaos many times which means our understanding of their activities has been off. Like, I suppose it’s obvious that they must have been doing more than literally just stepping on rats because we know they’re making moves, but this seems a bit out of left field. Though it does answer the question of what they likely did for their Sophomore Year quest because that’s been incongruent. Multiple times is also pretty suspicious. That points to going there for a specific reason. Also, that’s where the celestial gods were traveling en route to Cass’s wedding. Maybe there’s a connection there. Were they searching for Ankarna’s name?

Maybe I’m just being paranoid and I know Riz literally tattooed Night Yorb stuff onto his body of his own free will but a part of me wonders whether a part of that wasn’t a bit of Sol/Helio manipulation trying to get Kristen back as a cleric. Like, her mom is right. Her bringing back the sun could have been a dramatic prodigal daughter moment. 

Buddy mentioned Bucky being “led astray” a few eps ago and I’m really curious to know exactly what that means because he seemed to be mostly in good little paladin mode this ep besides some slight curiosity about Kristen’s shards. 

In addition to the moment with Bobby Dawn, Kristen tipped her hand AGAIN In this ep to when she revealed that she knew about the Devil’s Honey. Like, girl. I know you love a dramatic mic drop but keep some secrets, damn!

Curious about what was written on the physical note that Emily gave Brennan when she said she was skipping Zara’s class.

Where did Ally’s “girl Winnie the Pooh” bit come from? It was so confident and out of nowhere that I burst out laughing. 

Brennan has been doing such a great job with battle eps this season. We’ve had back to back bangers with really creative mechanics. I can’t wait to see what the other questions are! (This is why I always say I identify with Adaine and Riz most of the BKs)

“The Last Stand” and “Dawn of Justice” are both subtitles of superhero movies. That doesn’t mean anything. It’s just weird that it happened twice. Two nickels and all. 

Saved this for last–yessssss Oisin. Be apologetic about your friends being weird. Take the extra time to personally apologize to Adaine and only Adaine while her friends to air traffic control signals to get her to pay attention to you. Very happy that everyone at the table seems to be as invested in making this happen as I am (and that Adaine volunteered that she thought Oisin could maybe be cool even when she could have demurred or said nothing or been really harsh like she usually is with the Ratgrinders). I especially love Fig being like, “We’re trying to make this romance happen!” Like, hey girl I got me my wizard paramour, let’s get you yours. Get you a ride or die friend like that. 

One last thing! It’s my birthday on Friday and, to celebrate, I made my thesis visual novel free on itch.io for the weekend. It’s called A Tale of Two Sisters and it’s very meta and fairy tale-y and sincere. I put a lot of hard work into it and, if you enjoy my recaps, I’d appreciate you checking it out and leaving a review. Again, it’s totally free for the weekend! I have another game on there that you can check out but that one's free all the time. 

[defiledtomb]

decided to go back to uni

[iero]

The universe is testing me for making me work today, a federal holiday, after having off yesterday (I always have off on Sundays.) and I'm gonna be almost 700 miles away from home tomorrow. Like, I can't believe this is happening.

[pa-pa-plasma]

i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

[trimmedarmor]

doing the equivalent of gripping something intensely hard then forcing myself to let it go every time i see something about the stupid fandom drama i got pulled into earlier this year

[chrimsone]

Fun fact, back when I worked at Dave and Busters and was told I needed to work labor day, I asked if we'd get holiday pay for it and my manager literally didn't answer; he just laughed at me and walked away. I'm glad there are places that at least offer holiday pay since they want retail and service workers to work on labor day.

that's beyond fucked up. it should totally be required by law for working on federal holidays to get the overtime pay??? sorry but if the country considers it an important enough day to give themselves off, the folk who have to work should be properly compensated.

I hope you coincidentally were 'out of town' or 'sick' on holidays cause fuck that manager

[touchmybutt-buymetacobell]

All month I've been loading up that Gavle stream multiple times a day, often with loved ones, hoping that the moment I tuned in would be the moment it caught fire. Could not imagine that nearing the end of the month I'd turn it on and see the birds, and my god there are so many of them, just tearing it to shreds. Like shit it almost feels bad, he so scraggly.

[statementlou]

.

[musical-chick-13]

Like, I DO think people get too wound up over fictional constructs--that, very pointedly, are not real and whose actions are made up and do not actually affect any real people--doing horrible things in-story, but I also think it's fair for someone to say, "This action sits poorly with me even in a fictional setting, in such an intense way that I cannot move past that or find sympathy for it," and "People are saying this bad behavior isn't actually bad, in a way that is meant to be taken seriously and at face-value, and that makes me severely uncomfortable."

Granted, this all gets muddled very easily because that's not what people mean most of the time, they just want to over-moralize fiction and say, "If you like this pRoBLeMaTiC thing for any reason, you are a menace to society" for Superiority Points. (They also like to invent problems that don't actually exist to "prove" that they have the moral high ground in not liking something remember when people tried to say catra/adora was incest because they grew up together because I sure do.) But I feel like there is a split between people who use "[character] apologism" in the sense of "I will be okay with this character doing whatever fucked-up thing they want in the story because I like them" vs "If you find this character compelling or want them to succeed, you would one-to-one condone their actions irl" vs "I have seen people genuinely say, with no joking or irony, that this character never actually caused any type of harm to the other characters within the story, and I don't like that."

[a9saga]

CBX's legal battle with SM supposedly ended on the 19th with their contracts being renegotiated and all three staying at SM and in exo. That shit feels awkward man lol. I mean it's definitely a good thing for groups to come, because we've never seen artists file for a lawsuit and stay in the group like CBX wanted to, and this being able to be renegotiated creates opportunity for the next person realizing their contract has slave clauses to put their foot down, but like. These guys totally heard that if they go through w the lawsuit and terminate their contracts, they're fired, they can't be in exo anymore, because its members don't own exo, sm does. That's not confirmed, just my suspicion, but I feel like there's no way that wasn't what it boiled down to.

[jinhyun]

second day of my practice and i already feel like punching a bitch, screaming and sleeping for the rest of the year

[kerosene-saint]

i kinda don't want to go back to camp but some of my stuff is still there

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

did smth rly important for all of society to benefit from