#I can‚ say‚ realize I'm in love with someone in June and have a whole lot of experiences about it

[lucybellwood]

Lemme tell you a gay little story about an eagle.

Our town (~9,000 people) has a couple garages, but there's a big one on the main drag. My family has been going there for decades. I drive past it every day.

There used to be a huge pine tree on the corner of their lot, but last year it became a hazard and had to be taken down.

Shortly thereafter I drive by and see they've hired a guy to chainsaw sculpt the stump into a bald eagle.

Birds own my heart, but nationalism makes me twitchy. I withhold outright condemnation of the eagle, but I'm skeptical. (The original owner—an objectively Good Dude—sold the business to a younger couple a few years ago, and I don't have any knowledge of their whole deal.)

Then it turns out someone on staff is really into making costumes for the eagle. Every holiday. Every month. Stuffed turkey, witch costume, menorah headpiece, bunny ears. These people love to dress their bird.

The changing of the eagle suit becomes a source of joy every time I drive through town.

Until June, when the eagle is bare.

Now look, maybe I'm expecting too much asking my garage to celebrate Pride. But this is a small town. Every time I drive by that stupid eagle—this thing that has previously brought me so much joy—I feel hurt. I feel reminded that there are plenty of people in my liberal bubble who don't consider my community worthy of celebration. I drive to work, I feel bad. I drive home, I feel bad. The eagle is mocking me.

Then my A/C quits working.

So I book an appointent to bring my car in—and realize what I have to do.

I pick all this up at a thrift store for under ten bucks. I print the shirt with some weird heat-transfer fabric crayons I find in a cupboard. I loop gold elastic around the sunglasses and pray they'll fit on the eagle's head. (It is also important to draw your attention to the price of the feather boa.)

(Nice.)

My reasoning is thus: if I show up with a complete costume ready to go, someone will have to look me in the eye and say "We don't believe in that," at which point I'll be finding a new garage. But if they let me dress the eagle, then people in town get to have the joy I've been missing since the start of the month.

I listen to a lot of hype-up jams on my way over. I hate confrontation. I also don't wanna have to find another garage. I want to believe that this decision isn't actively antagonistic, but I'm not particularly hopeful.

I talk through the A/C issue with the guy at the desk, hand over my keys, then take a deep breath.

"Who's in charge of the eagle?"

"Oh, that's all Dylan. Second bay from the end."

I walk down the row of hydraulic lifts and find a disarmingly smiley middle-aged man pouring fluid through a funnel. I introduce myself and explain that, since the Pride parade is this Sunday and the eagle seems to be missing a costume, I have taken the liberty of making one myself, and can I get his blessing to go put it on?

Dylan grins this absolutely giant grin and goes

"Oh hell yeah."

So that's what's up now.

Happy Pride.

[its-time-to-write]

Omg I'm loving your response to my prompts!! thank you

I have a few ideas (You don't have to do them all) just throwing them out there to see what sparks ideas!!

I love secret admirer stories (I know its no where close to valentines day but still) maybe Reader is Rebecca's assistant and keeps getting gifts leading up to valentines day but she is pretty sure its like Sam or Isaac and tells friend Jaime (even though its really him) then the day of the grand finale and she comes to the lovely surprise of it being Jaime!

also if you could include Scarlett red roses in it for me (They are my favorite flower and the only flower I'm not allergic to)

So. I liked this one. Maybe too much? It might be the longest one I’ve written so far, so, uh, sorry about that. But I liked it a lot. It might be one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. Hope you enjoy. also the gif isn’t Jamie Tartt but it is Phil Dunster so hopefully that’s ok

honey, i’ll give you all my time

Good god, it’s February all ready. You have a love-hate relationship with the month; love, because Galentine’s Day and hate because Valentine’s Day. You and your friends would go out on February 15th to get discount chocolate from the shops, then return home for an ungodly amount of takeout and a movie. On the whole, you all preferred action movies with a good romance. 

You’re dreading Valentine’s Day because it’s when your boyfriend of two years held your hands in his, and told you he wanted to break up. 

That was a year ago. You’re mostly angry that he’s a dark stain on one of your favorite holidays. You’re absolutely determined not to let him ruin your enjoyment. 

This is also the first year you’re not with your friends. You moved away last March because you realized your ex had been holding you back in far too many ways. 

So. To recap. 

You’re alone. You love Valentine’s Day, despite it forever being the day of your breakup. Your friends aren’t here. You have new friends. There is no one to go to the shops with on the 15th. But discount chocolate is still discount chocolate. 

Your current job is as a personal assistant, something you excel at. You basically anticipate needs, meet them, and just generally make your employer’s life a whole lot easier. The application said the job required a lot of travel, but all expenses (minus some food) were covered. 

You were shocked when you got an interview, then a second, then a third, then were hired. 

Your boss is a woman named Rebecca Welton, and you’re half in love with her, but who isn’t, really?

You swear you’ve never been in such a healthy work environment. You mention it one day, early on, and she says it’s all thanks to their head coach, someone named Ted. 

You meet him for the first time later that day, and you understand. 

It’s impossible not to love him, because he has vision. He knows what he wants from his team, and he knows how to get it. 

He believes the team extends far beyond the players. 

He believes it extends to you, too. 

Ted and Coach Beard steal you from Rebecca as often as they can, claiming emergencies such as “a toxic amount of testosterone from all these boys,” “life-threatening boredom,” and last but not least, “there’s a new pun Ted absolutely needs to test right now and he won’t take no for an answer.”

(You like to give Ted honest feedback on his puns.) 

You also find yourself in their office when Rebecca is out for lunch, eating your respective sandwiches and swapping life stories. 

They remind you a lot of your parents.

It’s mid-June when you mention the Valentine’s Day story. 

It doesn’t hurt as much when it’s punctuated by Ted’s “he didn’ts” and Beard’s perfectly-timed gasps. 

You find yourself laughing halfway through, unable to stop. 

“And anyway,” you finish, cheeks painful from smiling so hard, “that’s why romantic love is a joke and I am drowning myself in platonic love forever.”

Ted and Beard share a look. “I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” Beard says. 

You shoot him a quizzical look. “What do you mean?”

“Well sweetheart,” Ted says, “between the two of us collectively,” here points between him and Beard, “we know of at least three of the boys on the team who are madly in love with you.”

“What?” you gasp, “How did you- where did you- who??”

Ted zips his lips and Beard tips a finger to him. “We know of five if we count Rebecca’s intel.”

You’re sitting cross-legged on the edge of Beard’s desk, in shock. “Rebecca knows about this??”

Ted and Beard shrug in unison. “We all have our opinions on which one should shoot their shot, but that’s neither here nor there,” Ted says. 

“Coincidentally, it’s the one thing we unanimously agree on,” Beard nods. 

You’re cut off from saying anything by the door opening. One of the players stands in the doorway. 

“Excuse me, coach,” he says, accent thick. 

Ted motions in a you have the floor type of way, and the footballer turns to address you of all people. “We’re all goin’ out tonight, and Keeley sent me to invite the new girl. None of the lads have really met you yet, just seen you ‘round. Thought it might be good for team bonding, or something. I’m Jamie, by the way.”

“Oh,” you say, taken aback. “I guess- yeah, I guess I haven’t really met them. I mean, I see you guys around and stuff and I’m at your games, but I don’t really know you. Are you sure you want me to come?”

Jamie shrugs. “Coach is always on us about bein’ a team or some shit. And, havin’ a girl around makes the lads look good.”

You think that makes sense, and then find yourself agreeing to go out that night with a group of footballers you don’t know, and (thank god) Keeley Jones. 

You’re going to figure out which five before the summer’s over. 

—

You have nice time out with the lads. They go to a bar and cram into separate booths. You’re wedged in between two who have introduced themselves as Isaac and Dani, and across from Sam, Bumbercatch, and Jan Maas. Roy, Richard, and a few others you don’t know are milling about, and you see Jamie and Keeley at a table, surrounding by giggling girls. The sight is so absurd that you catch yourself smiling and turning back to whatever conspiracy Bumbercatch is telling you about now. 

—

You put Sam at the top of your list as soon as you get home. The man wears his heart on his sleeve, or maybe in his eyes, but you’re positive that he’s one of the five Ted and Beard referred to. One down, four to go. 

— 

It’s the end of July, and you begin to become friends with the team. You know for an absolute fact who is not interested in you, Jamie being one of them. Coincidentally, he’s the one you become closest to. You think it’s because you’re not worrying about sending mixed signals or leading him on. You dropped public hints about not really looking for anything romantic, just to be sure you wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

As it is, Jan Maas and Dani have made the list. Jan Maas, because he stifled his Dutch bluntness for you and Dani, because he openly declared he was madly in love with you in front of the whole team. 

—

Isaac makes the list in December. It had been in between him and Bumbercatch, but Isaac was the one who walked you to your car every night and the first one to say hello to you every morning. 

You’re not gonna lie, it was cute. 

You shared some of this with Ted and Beard, who remained impressively stone-faced. Rebecca proved to be equally impervious.

You shared all of it with your lunch-buddy-turned-work-bestie, Jamie. 

You ate with him because Rebecca was constantly in lunch meetings these days, and Ted, Beard, and Roy were always revamping their football strategies.

Jamie would plop down at your table and say, “What’s the news, Amy Hughes?” in his perfect Mancunian accent, and then listen/add commentary to whatever you had to say. 

You explained to him that the reason you wanted to know who liked you was so that you could be extra careful with their hearts. You knew what it was like to be led on, and you did NOT want to do that to someone else. 

Jamie nodded thoughtfully at that and then said, “We’re all footballers though, ain’t we? We get the shit end of the stick all the time, hearts broke by models and whatever. Even ends up in the fucking press. Everyone here’s has their heart broken before, and we all know you aren’t doing it on purpose.”

You wrinkle your nose at him. “I’m pretty sure it’s short end of the stick, Jamie.”

And thus begins your lunch hour of bickering. 

—

No one has made a move on you yet, and you don’t have a read on number five. You still think it may be Bumbercatch, but in reality, it slips from your mind. Sam’s moved on, Jan Maas has accepted defeat, Dani swears he will love you until the day he dies, and Isaac stays, well, Isaac. Still sweet. Still walking you to your car, coming round extra early in the morning with a coffee or a water, depending on which “looked less like shit.”

Really though, you don’t think about it until February first, when you walk into your office to a small box on your desk. 

At first, you think it’s a box of Ted’s biscuits. 

Then, you notice a small, scarlet-red rose taped to the top. There’s no note, and all that’s inside is a tiny paper heart. 

It’s folded with extreme care, and you place it on your shelf, smelling the rose. It smells amazing and you make a mental note to figure out where the heck it came from. But for now, it’s time to work. 

—

You don’t mention the gifts until February third, because now there’s been one a day. Each one with a scarlet red rose, and a different gift. Yesterday was an incredibly expensive bar of chocolate (it was life-changing) and today is a tiny gold bracelet.

It’s a simple enough chain, but it is absolutely breathtaking. There is no mistaking the fact that it is not cheap, so you take it and march straight to Rebecca’s office.  

“Rebecca,” you say, hands outstretched, “look.”

She does, smiles, then says, “It appears you have a secret admirer.”

“But I don’t want that!” you cry. “I don’t even have time for that! I don’t even like anybody right now!”

She peers at you over her glasses. “Don’t you?”

The sheer weight of those words is enough to physically knock you back two steps. 

You don’t, you swear you don’t, you’re absolutely sure. 

What about Vienna? a voice in the very back of your head nags.

You reply, out loud, “We don’t talk about Vienna,” and Rebecca just shrugs. 

“Have it your way,” she replies in a tone that means this conversation is over, but you’re the one ending it.

You turn on your heel and find yourself taking the route to Ted and Beard. 

You burst into their office in such a flurry that the entire room turns to look at you. “Close the door,” you say with such urgency, that Trent hurries to comply. Beard even shuts the blinds. 

“What’s on your mind, Ollie Cline?” Ted asks. 

“Wait,” you say, holding up a hand. You point to Roy. “Do you want to be here? It involves feelings.”

“Fuck no,” says Roy, “thanks for being fucking considerate.” He follows it up with a pointed glare at Ted, then goes into his office and firmly shuts the door. 

“Can he be here?” Ted asks, tilting his head toward Trent. 

“I don’t care, he’s probably a good one to have around for this because look!” You present the three collected roses and the bracelet. 

“Someone’s started leaving me gifts, and I’m pretty sure it’s a Valentine’s thing because of the roses, and it was fine for the first two days but this is expensive, and I can’t accept this!”

Ted and Beard share a look. You hate it when they do that and leave you out. 

Ted sighs. “Listen, do you think this about Vienna?”

You fix him with a glare. “No. We are not talking about Vienna ever again.”

Trent pipes up, “What’s Vienna?” and you wheel around on him, taking your glare with you. 

“Vienna," you spit, like it’s poisonous, “is a terrible, awful place where people think terrible, awful things. I never want to talk about it again and I never will.”

Trent nods. “Noted.” 

You turn back to Ted and Beard, pleadingly. “What do I do? Tell me what to do.”

Beard gets up and puts his hand on your shoulder. “Kid, if you want my advice, take the damn roses and wear the damn bracelet. These boys make more money than they know how to spend, so just let it go. They all know how you feel about dating, so if someone’s shooting their shot, they know the stakes.”

You shake your head. “Fine. Fine. I’ll let it go.” 

—

You decide to tell Jamie on day five, because it’s a Friday and you’re dying to get his take. You tell him everything, show him the roses in your office (hanging upside down to dry), and then hand him the notebook that was in today’s box. 

“Jamie,” you say, “this is an expensive notebook. There was a typed note inside that said, ‘for your drawings.’ How did this person even know I like drawing? I never talk about it!”

Jamie looks at you and laughs a little. You’re very flustered for something most people would enjoy. “Dunno, love, but we’ve all seen the sticky notes you leave Coach. That might be it.”

You groan and flop down into your chair. 

“At least tomorrow’s the weekend,” you say.

—

Jamie’s phone dings at 9:00am on Saturday with a text from you that says, what the actual heck and a picture of a brown bag at your doorstep. Inside is a plastic box of your favorite lemon muffin from a local bakery. He emphasized the image, then waits for your response. 

It was still warm, you write. It was someone who knows where I live and knows what time I leave to get breakfast.

Jamie grins and sends you a shrugging emoji, and you respond with an eye roll and a you’re no fun.

Jamie reads that and privately disagrees. He thinks he’s lots of fun

—

You’re pretty sure it’s Isaac. After all, he’s the only likely candidate. He’s one of the few who knows where you live and knows your routine. Not in a creepy way, in a we’re-good-friends type of way. You bring this up to Jamie, after personally banning all talk of this with Ted, Beard, and Rebecca. Stupid Vienna. You should never have told them. 

Jamie shrugs for the millionth, infuriating time. He’s been noncommittal this whole time. You’re over here pouring out your heart and soul, considering whether you like Isaac romantically or not, and all he can say is, “I dunno?” 

This is not the Jamie Tartt you’ve become best friends with. 

That Jamie would be down to hunt this secret admirer with you. That Jamie would be helping you figure out if Isaac had a chance with you. That Jamie would be way more engaged than the one sitting in front of you right now. 

But, you suppose maybe that Jamie died in Vienna, so you stop bringing it up.

—

It’s day ten. Valentine’s Day is in four day, and you’re nervous. 

You’ve decided you don’t like Isaac like that, mainly because it shouldn’t take you that long to decide if you like anyone. There has to be an initial spark, and you shouldn’t try to manufacture it. 

Still, you’re not sure it is Isaac, so you’re not going to say anything about it. The scarlet red roses hang on your office wall, permeating the room with their scent. 

You feel like you’re dying. 

This is a cruel joke and you’re dying. 

The building is basically empty right now. Rebecca and Higgins have some meeting, the team is on the pitch (including Will) and various other staff are somewhere far away from you. So, you jump a little when Trent Crimm comes tripping into your office. 

“Vienna,” he says, no greeting. “If you didn’t want to talk about it, you wouldn’t have told anyone. I’m assuming you do want to talk about it, but you don’t want judgement from the people you love. I’m here to offer my services as a neutral party.”

You look at him. “Trent. You are a journalist. Your whole job is writing down people’s secrets. Why on earth would I talk to you about the worst day of my life?”

Trent shrugs. “I’m good at keeping secrets. This would be off the record. I’ve never lied to people about off the record, also. I consider it bad journalism.”

You consider this for a moment, then sigh. 

“Alright,” you concede. “At least if this gets out, I know whose head I’m shaving in retaliation.”

Trent looks at you in surprise, seeing you in a whole new, slightly threatening light.

“It happened two months ago. It was around Christmas, and I didn’t have anywhere to go…”

—

Your family all had their own separate plans that Christmas. Plans that didn’t really involve you. Same with your friends. You said something casually to Rebecca, and the next day she told you she had booked you a trip to Vienna. Call it an early Christmas present, she said. It was at the Aumaris Vienna, and it was gorgeous and ridiculously out of your budget, but she said you worked hard and gave her peace-of-mind, and you can’t really put a price on that, can you?

So you went. 

But here’s the thing. 

Someone else didn’t have Christmas plans. 

So when you brought up your trip at your daily lunch, said someone else casually asked, can I come? 

You almost choked on your sandwich. 

Because here’s the other thing.

You were, maybe, kind of, possibly just a little bit head over heels in love with this someone else.

You’re not sure when it happened, really, just that it was probably in August and that it was soul-crushing because you knew for an absolute fact that he did not, and never would, feel the same way. 

You didn’t tell anyone except Keeley, but under the condition that she just let you say it and that she never, ever give you a response to it. Just listen. 

She did, but you were pretty sure she almost combusted. 

But who are you to say no when Jamie Tartt invited himself on your luxurious Christmas vacation saying, I’ll pay extra to get a plane ticket next to you? 

You were doomed from the start. 

To make matters totally and impossibly worse, he couldn’t find another room. 

He had his tickets, but the hotels, he said, were packed. 

It was Christmas, after all. 

So that’s how you ended up in a luxury hotel with Jamie Tartt for a week and a half, one day of which was Christmas. 

You know the, “there was only one bed” trope that everyone thinks is so cute?

It was that, but only if you add deep, shattering heartbreak to it. 

Because every night, you had to listen to Jamie say, “goodnight, love,” and then get into that giant, soft bed as far away from him as you could manage. 

Every morning you woke up to the pillow barricade long gone, one of his arms thrown around you. Or one of your legs on top of his. Or a million different scenarios where you end up literally asleep together, some weird gravity pulling you to each other. 

You were falling so hard and so fast, that you felt like the air was knocked from your lungs when Jamie started talking about the girl he liked. 

“She’s just so fucking beautiful,” he’d say, staring at an Alpine mountain. Or, “Swear she’s the smartest fucking person I’ve ever met,” while traipsing through the city. Or, “Pretty sure she’s ruined me for everyone else,” while getting facials at the hotel spa. 

To be fair, you were the one who teased him into admitting he liked someone. 

You just didn’t expect it to hurt so much. 

The entire trip felt like heaven and hell had simultaneously converged on you, and you never wanted to leave but also desperately counted the days till it was over. 

You came back and broke down in Rebecca’s office. Ted and Beard were there. The whole thing came spilling out, about how you loved the trip so much it felt like your heart would explode but that Jamie loved someone else. 

They all exchanged looks amongst themselves and did their best to comfort you. 

You pulled yourself together and they promised never to say anything to anyone. 

—

“So that’s Vienna,” you finish. 

Trent is just staring at you, mouth slightly agape. 

He finally says, “My god, that’s fucked,” with such emotion that you decide right then and there that you like Trent Crimm and his rainbow mug. 

Now, you just shrug. “I did it to myself, honestly. That’s why I’m tripping out about this secret admirer thing. And god, Trent, the roses. They’re so beautiful and it’s so romantic, and whoever it is obviously knows me well so there’s a part of me that wants to like this person, but…” you trail off. 

“But there’s a part of you that’s hoping against hope that Jamie’s behind it all,” Trent finishes. 

You let out a little laugh. “Yeah, that about sums it up.”

Trent looks at the roses, then at you. “Maybe you should talk to Jamie,” he says, gently. 

You reply with a forceful, “No,” and then follow up with a small, “That’s what Ted and Rebecca say, too.” 

Trent stands up, shrugs, says with a small smile, “Just a thought,” then he’s out the way he came. 

—

It is Valentine’s Day. And it’s a Sunday, which means you are legally required to stay in bed until 10, at which point you will get out only to make yourself decent enough to go buy a good cup of coffee and maybe (definitely) something to eat. 

You’ve just finished putting on your shoes, when there’s a knock at the door. 

You take a breath, and get ready to let down your secret admirer as gently as possible. 

You swing open the door to reveal- 

“Jamie! What are you doing here?”

Jamie Tartt is on your doorstep, hands behind his back, looking shyer than the day you first met. 

He opens his mouth and says the last thing you’d ever expect:

“D’you remember Vienna?”

Your heart, which had already been going fast because his dumb floppy hair was all dumb and floppy in his stupid, cute headband, is now working double time. You manage a nod. 

Jamie takes this as permission to continue. “D’you remember how I couldn’t get another room, no matter how hard I tried? That wasn’t true. I could’ve.” He pauses, and you wait for him to continue. 

“And d’you remember when we met, when I told you Keeley told me to invite you out? That was a lie too.”

You tilt your head, confused. He keeps going. 

“Look- I fucked it. I fucked it a million times and I told Ted and I told Beard, but they kept helping me un-fuck it and giving me chances, and then Rebecca bought two tickets to Vienna and slipped me the other one, and they all told me I had a perfect shot.” 

You’re still not understanding what he’s saying. He might as well be speaking another language. Jamie sees the confusion in your eyes, takes a breath, and tries again. 

“Keeley told me to invite you out, but only because I’d seen you around and thought you were fit. Then Isaac and all the lads thought the same thing, so I didn’t even get to fuckin’ sit with you. And then you started sayin’ things about not bein’ ready for a relationship, so I tried to let it go. I really fucking tried. But I just couldn’t. Your eyes are too sparkly and your laugh is too fucking cute and I couldn’t let it go, so I started eating lunch with you and you fucking let me. I knew the moment I said anything about liking you, it was over.”

Comprehension has started to dawn, but you push down hope until Jamie’s done speaking. 

“Everyone told me to shoot my shot in Vienna. We shared a bed, for fuck’s sake.” Here, Jamie looks bewildered. “But I dunno, I didn’t want to make shit weird. So when you asked if I liked anyone I said yeah, and started fuckin describing you, but you never fucking picked up on it. That’s when I got the idea to try one more time. All by meself, no help from anyone else. So…yeah.”

Jamie Tartt is standing on your porch confessing his love for you on Valentine’s Day and it is not a dream, because if it were your teeth would be falling out and his hair would probably be neon pink. 

“I’m an idiot,” you breathe. “You like me? Like, like-like me?”

Jamie quirks a smile at that. “Not quite, darling. Pretty fucking sure I love you.” He pulls his hand from behind his back to reveal a bunch of scarlet red roses. The same from each gift. 

“Got these for you,” he says. “D’you know how hard it is to get red roses in February?”

You don’t answer him because you’re leaping into his arms, kissing him like you’ve thought about doing every day for what feels like forever. He’s kissing you back, hand with the flowers pressed against your back, other hand in your hair. 

“I love you too, Jamie,” you whisper against his mouth. He smiles and pulls you in again. 

[pinkpastels113]

Rediscovering some Good Songs, so now I'm wondering, what are some songs you associate with Beca & Chloe? (Or the other Bellas!) And why?

I HAVE SO MANY SONGS SO THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION (ie i struggled adfgdjhsk) but i still hope yall like:

beca

no diggity (blackstreet) bc obviouslyy

no scrubs (tlc) just the vibee ahh and my lil bisexual girlie will not be with a man if he is not good to her !!!

just the way you are (bruno mars) DUHHHH the eye contact in the pool sigh and the moment where aubrey relinquished control of the pitch pipe and chloe was smug like see bree i told you she's good we will def make it to lincoln center

freedom! '90 (george michael) no explanation needed and bc she is finally getting recognized for her talent ahh but she decided to share it with her family (the bellas!!)

cups (originally by ap carter i think) bc iconic pop culture phenomenon

paint the town red (doja cat) rawr alt badass girlie pp1 beca

poison poison (renee rapp) for @afh48 mostly but yes!! beca is very "you're so fucking annoying" core

before he cheats (carrie underwood) she SLAPPED IN THAT RIFF OFF IM AFRAID- the way she grabbed that guy's jacket oof

chloe

she's v my "pink glitter gel pen" playlist coded i fear and here are some music/songs from it:

pocketful of sunshine (natasha bedingfield) bc she's a sunshine baby even kendrick says so <33

message in a bottle (taylor swift) i just think she's a swiftie and that this song and its fast beat and bubblegum pop is very her

we are never ever getting back together (taylor swift) red era chloe beale stan

love me harder (ariana grande) THAT PART IN PP3 WHEN SHE SINGS "love me harderrr, cuz if you really need me you gotta gotta gotta love me harder, gotta love me harderrr” GETS ME EVERY TIME

i kissed a girl (katy perry) her coming out song

still into you (paramore) she def dances around the bella house to this song

material girl (madonna) and this also pertains to aubrey, this is their friendship song <33

ocean eyes (billie eilish) brittany's eyes are so pretty i cant even begin to describe-

bechloe (the way i had originally just put these songs under beca and chloe separately but they got too many songs that make me think about them together that it should be a different section lmao)

not to be a dramatic (zoe clark) from beca to chloe <33 just LISTEN to the lyrics pls omg it is so angsty and pining

mascara (kylie cantrall) chloe telling beca the message in this song when she breaks up with jesse :((

friends dont (maddie & tae) just listen to it pls yall it's literally friends to lovers of them and fits their vibe perfectly and everytime i listen to it i daydream a whole ass bechloe fic like it's INSANE

not like im in love with you (lew) same thing as above

titanium (david guetta) sigh if i dont include this esp in this fandom i might as well kms/joking teehee

kiss me (sixpence none the richer) soft domestic bechloe <333

toxic (britney spears) again, the trust, the chemistry, the eye contact, the harmonies, the solos in pp3. im feral.

good luck, babe! + casual + red wine supernova (chappell roan)

birds of a feather (billie eilish) ahh i love them and to this song sm "i'll love you till the day i die, till the light leaves my eyes, till the day i dieee"

enchanted + dress + gorgeous + dancing with our hands tied (taylor swift)

stacie

low (flo rida) pp2 riff off cuz shawty had that apple bottom jeans (jeans) boots with the furr (with the fur) the whole club was lookin' at herr

sex with me (rihanna) pretty obvious methinks lmao

s&m (rihanna) no words truly

taste (sabrina carpenter) i headcanon stacie as pan so i just feel like the lyrics of this song can pertain to her if she's ever realizing that her past prospects are fucking each other <33

you problem (cloudy june, emlyn) i feel like she believes karma is a thing and "oh well you kinda asked for it haha" when someone comes to her complaining about drama or something like that if they started it in the first place if that makes sense

breakfast (dove cameron) nom nom her attitude towards men most of the time i think; "he's a hunter" coded

honey, im good (andy grammer) STAUBREY but she would never cheat on aubrey obv but maybe angst at the beginning of their relationship

heart attack (demi lovato) ANOTHER STAUBREY SONG HEHE

confident (demi lovato) goes without saying that stacie is confident in who she is and what she wants and goes for it

aubrey

boyfriend (dove cameron) hmm anyone here for jealous wlw aubrey? bc i am

hit me with your best shot (pat benatar) pp1 riff off :))

classic (mkto) she's just so Classic and i feel like she would love to be wooed traditionally like the whole wine and dine thing and lots of flowers on dates (stacie cough** im looking at you)

what makes you beautiful (one direction) i debated putting this under her or chloe but chloe def knows that she's hot, quoting “yeah im pretty confident about... all this ;))” so aubrey it is!!

hey blondie (dominic fike) girlie just wants to be serenaded fr

pretty girls (renee rapp) a lot of angst in coming to terms with her sexuality unfortunately :((

emily

sit still look pretty (daya) i can NOT listen to this song without thinking of her now i fear

flashlight (jessie j) same reason as above!! legacy is just a baby aaahh

cool kids (echosmith) she just wants to fit in 🐣

most girls (hailee steinfeld) i feel like she admires a lot of girls around her and wants to be like them and obv hailee singing it helps lol

cynthia rose

crazy youngsters (ester dean) that music video!!

starships (nicki minaj) idk i just think ab her when i hear it

amy

we belong (pat benatar) that "hey im soloing here!! whataver!!" part is so funny to me every time haha in pp2

[icepoptroll]

How do you handle motivation to make art?

Given that not only are you drawing for the rickyverse but also personal drawings maybe even for other projects -- HOW

Im also an artist that really really loves what they do but motivation is always a struggle forcing myself to do it doesnt work so what are your secrets? (/lh)

Hi there!! Thanks for asking!

For one, I've always loved drawing. It's fun and fulfilling and freeing for me. Getting in the zone making art is like, the best thing ever. Even if I can't think of what to draw, I'm almost always up for drawing in and of itself, even if someone has to give me a prompt.

The Rickyverse in particular is not super hard for me to produce for, for a few reasons. One is that those drawings are usually just lineart and flat color, only because if I fully rendered all of the dozens of requests I get per batch I would never get them done. Sometimes I render them, if a prompt especially speaks to me, but usually they're pretty simple and I can bang them out fast. Another reason is that the people sending me requests are giving me the subject matter, so I usually don't have to think too hard about what I'm going to do. I love following prompts. Most of all though, I think it helps that I just really really love Ricky! I never get sick of drawing him. I just really gravitate towards him (I am strongly suspected to be autistic, which I am in the process of getting evaluated for--- I have come to the realization that there is no possible allistic explanation for the Rickyverse 🤣). I would say 9 times out of 10 I enjoy the process with the Rickyverse requests I fulfill because as a rule they align with subject matter I am intensely interested in.

I also find that when I'm beginning to run out of steam I look into trying new brushes and approaches and techniques to sort of rejuvenate the process and find new fun things about art-making.

If prompts just aren't sparking any inspiration, I'll find a photograph that speaks to me (maybe it has composition or lighting or subject matter that I find interesting) and just fire up Procreate and make a painting of it.

My circumstances are also unique in that I make my living as a night shift home health nurse. When I get to work, my clients are sleeping. They don't need as much done for them as they do during the day. For some people, I'm only there as a precaution and may hardly even interact with them the whole night. My job affords me a lot of free time, which is super cool, and I'm happy to have it. My night shifts are when I make a lot of my art and in those cases sometimes my motivation is simply entertaining myself so that I don't fall asleep on my people, haha

I am involved in a lot of projects besides the Rickyverse, yes--- June Doe is around the corner and I'm also going to be working on a fan made graphic novel adaptation of RTC (speaking of, if you or anyone else would like to get involved in the graphic novel please hit me up!!)

I genuinely hope this helps, have an awesome day!! 😊

[boopshoops]

lil low quality/effort edit of idia below the cut 💛 just bc I thought it was a funny haha

also mild spoilers(?)

Ya know, something I realized when I first got into Twisted Wonderland back in June was that I wasn't really satisfied with the dialogue options of the MC/Yuu. I was like... why can't I have the option to tease em a little. Poke em. Shake the blorbos around. Maybe say something that'll make it so Yuu ends up getting their ass kicked, who knows.

Originally I was just screwin around with that thought train but then it became more and more apparent to me... does Yuu even really, TRULY need to be there in order for the plot to unfold? What they say, for the most part, doesn't really affect what happens. I understand that was what was gone for on purpose for like... a self-insert type thing that's vague enough where people can project onto the MC. Which opened up lovely opportunities for OCs and the Yuuverse like the stuff in the manga!! And that is lovely!!!

But at the same time i can't help but wonder, how would Yuu actually feel in this situation? Just sorta being around for all the chaos and spectating it as it all unfolds. I'd imagine not great??? Why does nothing they do change things? And on top of being magicless, to add.

There's all these overblots happening: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Jamil, etc. one after the other, it's obviously a pattern. Yet canon Yuu doesn't really do too much in advance to try to prevent it.

It made me want to take my own sorta shot at it, make some changes and twists (har har) to Yuu as a whole. One who is maybe a little less likely to tolerate bullshit and a bit more likely to get their ass kicked. One who WANTS to be more involved, to push themselves into this story more than the canon has.

SOOO i'm doing that now whenever my adhd gives me the dopamine for it, but anyway, I'm just rambling lmao. It makes me wish that there were more dialogue options to choose from, and those options deviated the course of the story. I unno. I love this game, and I think part of me just wants more content from it 💕

also happy birthday to the gamer blorbo idia. Mayhaps I will draw him at some point. For now, i photoshopped a birthday hat onto him and put him far away from the people :))) someone take editing software away from me

[shewhowas39]

NSFW Alphabet Tag

so i was tagged by @kittenintheden a hot minute ago, and i'm finally getting around to this!

i'm answering this for June and Astarion from my longfic, Juniper & Starlight, but since that fic is still in act 1, I'm gonna answer these from the perspective of Act 3, when my smut fics are set. just to give me more interesting answers.

***

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

cuddly. June relies a lot on physical touch to help keep herself grounded - a little protection from the urges and the visions - so some snuggling is always appreciated. and Astarion is like a cat curling up against he warmest surface (in this case, June) he can find.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

June likes her legs. they're the most muscular part of this wizard's body, and she can run quite fast. her favorite part of Astarion is his mouth. she loves that little smirk of his, and she loves the things his mouth can do to her.

Astarion likes his own hands. he has such perfect control over them and they do so much - they weild knives, they unlock doors, they disarm traps - and he's very confident in his ability to use them to drive June insane. his favorite part of June is a tie between her ass (soft! squeezable!) and her eyes, which are an unusually dark shade of blue that absolutely destroy him.

C = Cum (where does your muse prefer to cum/have someone cum)

inside June is the answer for both of them. both like to be able to feel the moment the other orgasms.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

by act 3 i don't think they really have any dirty secrets in terms of sex stuff? June is a very honest person - she hates lying - and Astarion isn't so honest, but by this point, June can read him well enough that there's not much point hiding things from her. so...no particularly dirty secrets, i'm afraid.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

June doesn't remember how much experience she has, but based some muscle memory, she suspects she's had at least two or three partners in the past because she does know what she's doing. but she's also realized that - in the wordsof Shadowheart - her heart is in her clit. so most likely all of her past partners were people she had a relationship with, not just casual one-time hookups.

Astarion, we all know, is very experienced. not necessarily by his own choice. and yes, he does know very well what he's doing.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Astarion, as we've all been told, likes missionary. it took him a bit to do it with June because it felt too personal, but by act 3, he prefers being able to look at her face. for her part, June likes being pinned down/feeling held or restrained in some way. so being beneath him is her favorite thing.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

depends on the scenario. sometimes they are very intense and serious. other times they like to tease and laugh. most of their encounters have a bit of both.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Astarion has like no body hair because elf. and June has very little because half-elf. what June does have she keeps very neat and tidy, and yes, the carpet and the drapes are both dark blond and curly.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

it took a while to get to a point where intimacy was comfortable for them, but by act 3, even their most debaucherous sexual encounters has a clear undercurrent of sweetness. June is a very emotional person and Astarion is new to the whole "sex can be intimate and romantic" thing. but once they get there, they both tend to like eye contact and few sweet/loving words, even amidst the dirty talk.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

both know how to take care of themselves, and both are deeply turned on by the idea of the other thinking of them while they pleasure themselves. masturbation hasn't come up in the fic yet, but oh it will.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

both enjoy engaging in some light dom/sub dynamics. June spends so much time trying to stay in control to fight her urges, that she enjoys submitting to someone else and letting them take control for a while. and Astarion is happy to oblige because he's in the opposite boat - where he's spent so long being told what to do that it's nice to be the one in charge. so they frequently engage in a bit of restraint play and June likes being bossed around.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

honestly? a bed is their preference, because comfy. but neither of them are opposed to being a little adventurous. that one time on Gortah's desk was fun.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

June is most turned on by physical touch and sweet words. she loves Astarion's voice when he's being sincere, but also she loves it when he's being authoritative. him being a little bossy gets her going.

Astarion is turned on by June's intelligence. he might tease her for being a stereotypical brainy wizard, but he finds it pretty sexy when she shows how smart and competent she is. related, he's also very turned on when he remembers how fucking deadly she is. knowing she could absolutely kill him but hasn't/won't is sexy to him because he's a little gremlin man. watching this sweet, sensitive woman turn dark and murderous with someone - watching her threaten or even kill. - also gets him going.

also he eventually discovers that relaxing with a bit of pipeweed gets him horny.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

neither of them is into degradation or humiliation. June also is turned off by choking/breath play. and Astarion is very, very particular about the situations in which he's comfortable being told what to do (for obvious trauma reasons).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

June *loves* when Astarion goes down on her. he could get her to do almost anything witht he promise of oral. she enjoys going down on him, too, mostly because she enjoys when his composure absolutely crumbles.

Astarion has so much fun going down on June, especially if he can get a little nibble in on her thigh in the process. he loves that she'll beg or occassionally even getting demanding about it. even better if he can get her to curse. he's been known to giggle at her reactions to the things he can do with his mouth. he'll never say no to recieving head, though. he's always a bit shocked by how good at it June is, and it's embarrassing how quickly she can make him come apart.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

slow and sensual probably 70% of the time and fast/rough the other 30%.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

they (especially Astarion) prefer to be able to take their time with each other. that said, sometimes June's visions and urges can be very disorienting for her, and a quickie is exactly what she needs to ground her again. so neither of them is at all opposed to it. though usually if they have a quickie during the day, both are lefting wanting a longer, more thorough session later that night.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

once Astarion reaches the point of being ready to explore his sexuality again, he's very interested in a bit of experimenting, seeing if he actually likes the things he's been doing for years now that he's with a partner who he trusts. and June's a naturally curious person. she's always happy to learn new things. her only criteria is that whatever they do can't make other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe. which is slightly disappointing to Astarion who loves making other people uncomfortable.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Astarion, being an immortal vampire etc etc has a shorter than average refractory period (because i decided so lol), and he can usually go at least two rounds. if June ever says she doesn't think she can have another orgasm, he takes it as a personal challenge to prove her wrong. as for how long they last - it dependson the situation. they know how to get each other off in a couple minutes if they really want to, but they usually take more time than that. Astarion doesn't focus too much on lasting a long time - just long enough to get June off first.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

not really. neither is opposed to them and both would probably be down to try them out for the sake of experimenting. but both are pretty satisfied without them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

oh, they love teasing each other. like Astarion making it a challenge to break June's concentration on a spell. he's usually the one doing ht teasing, but she can hold her own when she wants to.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

June gets pretty loud. if there are people nearby - next room or in another tent for example - she tries to muffle herself against Astarion's neck or by putting her face in a pillow. lots of moaning and whimpering and crying out his name (which Astarion loves. he frequently orders her to say his name multiple times.)

Astarion isn't as loud in terms of volume, but he does make plenty of noise - a mix of talking (bossing June around, as she likes), moans, and - when he's really getting it good - little gasps and sighs.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

June's dark urge nature sometimes gets amped up when she's in the throes of passion. she is at times overcome witht he urge to bite and claw. she never does it hard enough to actually hurt - or if she feels like she might, she asks Astarion to restrain her (which is also fun for them both), but Astarion kinda loves it when she gets all feral and bitey. he's more than happy to pin her down and bite her back.

Astarion enjoys being sucked on - his fingers, his ears, and especially his tongue. it really makes him wild, and once June figured that out, she used that as a secret weapon as often as she could.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

we've all seen what Astarion has going on beneath those clothes, so i'll focus on June. she likes to wear pretty simple, comfortable underwear, except on occassions when she knows Astarion will be taking her clothes off, in which case she might pick something a little sexier as a treat. she has absolutely *no* scars. to the point of it being unrealistic/strange (that'll come up soon in the fic actually). but she does have a tattoo on the back of her neck, usually hidden by her hair, of Ilmater's holy symbol. otherwise, she has very pale, smooth skin. her build is quite tall (5'11") with breasts that are about a solid handful and a very nice, round ass. the biggest surprise is probably her legs, though, which are very long and more muscular than any other part of her body. she has sprinter's legs, where the rest of her is pretty lightly muscled and soft.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

June has a pretty average sex drive. her yearning tends to be more of the emotional variety. Astarion's sex drive has skyrocketed since getting involved with June (someone he finds very hot, yes, but also someone he trusts to respect his limits). he's the one to initiate probably a solid 80% of the time, but he knows exactly what buttons to hit to have June begging for him in a matter of minutes. so her more moderate sex drive is rarely if ever an issue.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

June falls alseep first usually. once she knows they are done for the night, she can snuggle in and pass out pretty quickly. Astarion takes a little longer. he likes to enjoy the afterglow for a bit, watch her sleep like a creeper, etc, before either sleeping or trancing.

wooo! and i'm done! that was a lot of fun!!! time for me to pass the toch to @dungeonsdragonsandlawyers @selunesdreams @andauril @dalgursbate and @khywren! (sorry if you've been tagged before and i missed it. like i said - i got tagged in thsi a while ago and only just got to it.)

[cha-melodius]

Hello hello! If I'm not too late for the director's cut ask, would say something about false dichotomy please? I love that fic so much! You've got mail is such a classic and you've made that au so so charming, it brings me a lot of joy 🤍

I talked a bit about the OCs in False Dichotomy here, but I'll take this opportunity to talk about the changes I made from the movie! I'm putting these behind a cut because there are some pretty big spoilers for the fic itself.

@kiwiana-writes wrote a line in one of his director's cut replies about how, when adapting an existing storyline to an AU fanfic, story has to bend to fit character, and I think this fic is the perfect example of that principle. Although the setup of Henry as the heir to a corporate empire and Alex as the 'little guy' does fit at first blush, Henry isn't Joe and Alex isn't Kathleen. In fact, personality-wise, they're just about flopped. There are aspects of Kathleen that are so ridiculously Henry-esque, particularly her love of Pride and Prejudice and also her grief over a parent's death.

I'd like to add, before I get into some of the details, that while I made a bunch of fairly significant changes to better fit the characters, it was important to me to capture the spirit of You've Got Mail. That means not shying away from the small shop's closing, and also staying true to the joy of the finale moment (though this moment comes before the end of the fic). I've read a lot of YGM AUs where, upon the final reveal, the Kathleen-character is often justifiably angry and there's additional angst where the Joe-character has to do some groveling, and yes, it makes sense for those characters to do that, but IMO it kind of fails as an adaptation of the source material because you lose the emotional impact of the original. Which is not to say these stories aren't good or that they don't do what they want to, but to me, the trick to a good media AU is walking that tightrope between originality and honoring the source material. It's not an easy thing to do, IMO. ETA: Of course there are also the times where you like one part of the original media but hate the rest so you say fuck this and fix it, which is completely valid! That's one of the things fanfic is for! I'm also very aware that some people feel that way about YGM lol. But there are those of us who love it despite its flaws, and I wanted to write this fic for them too.

Some more discussion of specific changes I made behind the cut, for spoiler reasons.

Critically, Alex would absolutely not react the same way Kathleen did upon finding out Henry hadn't told him who he was. I strongly felt he needed to be the one to find out Henry's identity first to give him time to come to terms with it and realize that Henry wasn't the person he thought he was. Meanwhile, Henry was much more likely to be forgiving of the long 'deception'/withholding of information because he's been in love with Alex from the start. I also thought having Henry angst over being in love with two 'different' people would be more fun lol.

A big change I honestly always forget about is of course not having them being in relationships with other people. I suppose at the time this was a good excuse for why Joe and Kathleen never met up, but now it's not odd that you might have a long-term internet friendship with someone that never goes beyond online. But I also absolutely did NOT want to fuck with partners and the ending of relationships and all of that noise. No thanks.

I considered doing the 'journalist writes a story about Under the Rainbow' storyline using June as the journalist, but in the end decided it wouldn't really add anything. Instead I added the whole Okonjo shelter storyline, which gave me the excellent excuse to sow doubts in Alex about Henry's awfulness along with being a step forward in Alex's bisexual awakening/coming out storyline.

Finally, I obviously added quite a bit beyond where the movie ends. Romcom movies can get away with end scene on the big kiss, but I wanted to show not only their conversations about what had happened but also the happy ending for Under the Rainbow. It was important to me that it wasn't as simple as the shop closing, the end. I found it kind of funny about how mad some people were about UTR's closing and corporations winning, considering that in the end I freed UTR from the shackles of capitalism to be the best community center/library version of itself.

[purplecelestial-buddy]

if you’re still doing them… 1 and 12 for those end of year asks?

ofc I'm still doing them but even if I weren't I'm a yapper so there's no way I would let a question go unsawered! End of year asks 1. Song of the year I'm defintely too indecisive to pick just one... so allow to me do a compilation of how my year has sounded: ✦Recuerdos by Dylan Thomas: Since I saw them live a ton of times this year. The title translates to "memories" and what's a year if not a collection of those. ✦Northen downpour by P!atd: I've been really into this song since June (based on my Spotidy stats) and it's mood really reminds me of how I've been feeling these past few months. ✦Remando lento by Malpaís: First, this sounds beautiful. Second, I'm a 20 y/o that's quite literally in the middle of their major so ofc I love a song about enjoying the trip despite having no idea of the destination. ✦Luces by Bifocal: I was lucky enough to listen to this live at a friend's party and... Once again, hopeful song about being a lost youngster with big dreams and fears of uncertainty goes hard. ✦I don't wanna do anything by Sungjin: Ofc the entirety of the whole album of my favorite member from my favorite band was really important but this one song about slowing down for one's own healthy hit close to home. ✦Well Adjusted by hyperliminal: I discovered this band some weeks ago but DAMN. This particular song feels like a mix between Cassiopeia's energy and Polyphia's thecnique so... to say it's amazing wouldn't be enough. ✦Slainte by Lee Mujin: I mean, I had to incluyed my most played song this year. I could totally do another list about songs I've really enjoyed this year but I'm happy with this selection, I think they do capture how I feel/felt about the year in general. 12. talk about a new friend you made this year Honestly I was hoping for someone to ask this one cuz I love to talk about my friends. Although, I must mention that time has been a confusing thing in my mind so... I'm counting each and every mutual here (I know I started using Tumblr by the end of 2023 but since it's been a whole year now it actually feels like we have a cemmented friendship(?) Kudos to everyone (this includes those who let me ramble in their dm's, those that add me in tag games, people whom I share comments with in the tags, everyone. Special mention to those two people I consider as: my tumblr older sis (who kindly welcomed me when I first put a foot in here) and my sort of recently acquired little bro, you guys are great Irl... Between time perception being a mess in my head and people coming and going it's a bit confusing but again, I feel I defintely deepened my friendship with this one person whom I initially talked to cuz we both like dinosaurs, lol. People might have a hard time with them due to their particular understanding of the world and social reltionships but it's precisely because of that unique mindset that I can come to them knowing that I won't be judged for my excentricities. Something something, nothing quite like the bond of two weird kids who, after hardships, came to realize that the world is much more bigger than their highschool and that there's actually people they can form deep bonds with regardless of their own quirks.

[shallyne]

The Diary of Feyre Archeron Ch 10

Chapter ten! Last chapter before the epilogue. Enjoy!! Full fic on AO3

Words: 1.1k

June 29th

Rhys came with me to the Rainbow today. It has been nerve-wracking if I put it lightly. It took me about an hour before I even could step a foot into the artist's quarter but Rhys was there, reassuring me and giving me the time I needed. I actually wanted to do this after work but Rhys took the day off for us both and we walked to the Rainbow. In my quest to ignore it the past years I never realized how close the quarter was to the lounge.

After I managed to actually walk into the Rainbow (I gripped Rhys's hand the whole time like my life depended on it) I got that sudden feeling of nostalgia. Seeing people carrying canvases and paints, even the street musicians who were in their element. It was such a weird mix of emotions, on one side I wanted to bolt in the other I felt at home there, like I belonged. I teared up just standing there, probably looking like an idiot, but Rhys wiped my tears away with the hand I wasn't squeezing.

We even ate lunch there, right beside a gallery. I haven't gone into the gallery but Rhys and I agreed that this would be the next step, for the next time.

I'm actually excited! It's so strange, tho. Having all these different emotions.

July 12th

Tonight I had the first nightmare that I was alone to deal with. Rhys had to work longer and Elain and Nesta were on a double date with Azriel and Cassian. They invited me, too, but I was so exhausted after therapy that I just fell into bed right after dinner. I assume that's also why I had nightmares again, a lot has come up. I wish someone had been there but I managed, somehow. I didn't throw up and I, fortunately, didn't have a panic attack either. That's good, it's something to celebrate. I really don't know if I should tell Rhys, though, because I know he's going to feel bad for not being there and I don't want him to feel bad. I have to do this alone, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't know, I'll think about it. He's not in his office later when I work, so there is enough time to debate this until I meet him in the afternoon.

Also, I've bought a new dress. It's not like the others I took from home, this one is much more revealing. Mom would hate it, so I know it's great. Rhys will love it.

July 13th

I couldn't even say hello before he asked me if I had nightmares again? Is it that obvious??

But, okay, but that's not what I'm going to write about today. Something happened. Something GREAT!!! Rhys and I had sex last night. For the first time. And the second. And the third. Okay, a lot of times and it was amazing. It was the best sex I ever had. Not that I'm surprised but also I'm a little surprised because I didn't expect that. It was like something you'd read in Nesta's smutty books. I can't stop thinking about it. About Rhys and the last night and well, that's bad because we will have a barbecue tonight with the whole family (Nesta, Elain, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Rhys's mother and sister, Rhys and me) and apparently you can read all my emotions on my face. Fuck, I have to work on that. I will! I'll try while getting ready. I'm still at Rhys's place but he already had a dress ready for me so I won't have to stress about that. (not in a controlling way like, his mother made that dress. She's a seamstress and I feel really honored to wear her dress but nobody would blink an eye either if I would turn up in pajamas)

I feel like I'm walking on clouds! It's surreal. If someone told my 16 year old self that I am where I am now she would laugh. She wouldn't believe it at all. I barely can.

December 15th

A decision was made!

I'm quitting my job at Rhys's lounge and going to art school. I started painting again around august and I just can't stop. There is so much that I have to tell, to get out. Rhys and I spent a whole night talking about the future weeks ago and the decision was a hard one to make but I made it. I'm going to art school. I'm living my dream, the thing I've worked towards my whole life until we had to leave my hometown. It's happening and I made the decision all alone. Without Rhys (although I've talked his ear off about the pros and cons), without Nesta or Elain, without my therapist. It was my decision! Isn't this exciting? I'm standing on my own two feet again. Baby steps evolved into quite big steps. I can't say how light I feel these days. I can paint it but words can't even begin to describe my feelings. I still have rough patches, especially now that it nears one year since my abduction but I'll get through this. I'm not alone. I'm not there anymore, I am safe now. And I am going to art school! Oh my god!

No words left, just happy.

January 1st

If you like a thing you should put a ring on it!

Okay, well, that's not the exact lyrics. I had to modify it a tiny little bit to fit my situation. Our situation. Rhys and my situation. Well, happy new year! I'm engaged! We are engaged! There will be a wedding. Between me and Rhys. Rhys and I. Engaged. Soon to be married. I'd say I believe I'm dreaming but I am not, I am looking at the ring as we speak. It's a family heirloom, Rhys told me. It's been through generations. The ring is also SO beautiful. It's a sapphire and in is etched with a six pointed star. The band of the ring is twisted of silver and gold. Never in my life have I seen something that beautiful. Sometimes, when the light falls in it in the right way, it looks like there is a star inside the stone.

Which actually brings me to the proposal. It wasn't something big, it was just me and Rhys and we went stargazing. I tried to find a constellation he had pointed at and when I turned around he was on his knee (his bad one, I basically had to pull him up), asking me to become his wife. Of course I cried. Nothing could beat this proposal.

It's Rhys and me. For the rest of our lives.

I'm thanking the stars everyday

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

im so sorry to send you this but im confused. i thought izzy hands was obviously homophobic while i was watching the show but now people on the internet are telling me that calling him gay and homophobic is a conspiracy theory. i want to trust my instincts on this as a queer myself but they say it so much i think im starting to believe it. i know literally none of this matters but its genuinely bumming me out. maybe we all just have slightly different definitions of homophobia?

I would love to answer this for you. Your instincts are correct. Izzy is gay and homophobic. You should trust your gut on this because it's important for you be able to identify guys like Izzy irl if you're someone who might be on the receiving end of homophobia.

What happened is that back in June of 2022 everyone fully agreed that Izzy was one of those repressed gay men who's internalized homophobia rotted his soul and became externalized. We wanted to put him in a jar. We all interested in how this weird little freak got this way. Then everything changed when the canyon formed. Since then it has been a mad dash to beat the allegations. Unfortunately an actor has validated them in a way that makes me really wonder about him frankly, because he seems to be operating under the impression that people are saying that Izzy is a "homo sex is sin" Style homophobe when nobody was saying that, what we were saying is that Izzy is incredibly weird about and hateful towards feminine men and he believes that Stede is corrupting Ed with his foppishness, which is still homophobia it's just a different brand of homophobia than the religious right's obsession with the mechanics.

Tbh tho I don't actually care about that actors' take because he's not a writer, he has a history of not being very good at reading the subtext given that he fully didn't realize it was a gay show for half the episodes, and David Jenkins has liked multiple metas on twt about Izzy being a homophobe so I'll trust that lol. The only consequence that Con O'Neill being publically wrong has had for me is that people occasionally do an unearned victory lap when he says something.

But also I low key sometimes feel incredibly unsafe knowing that there's a substantial group of people who claim to be queer and against homophobia but who can't understand that the whole subplot with Lucius in episode 5 and the thing with Ed in episode 10 is laced with bigotry against feminine gay men. I don't think admitting that means you have to think it's his only motivation or that it's contradictory to the read of him being attracted to Ed and Lucius or with the concept that he's mostly just power hungry, but it does sort of mean that I have to move through the world knowing that there are people in my own community who would fully blame me if something happened to me. I don't fucking like it. That's why I get so upset about this so publicly. It's like so what happens if I get attacked but the guy calls me a namby pamby or a bitch instead of a faggot. Are you gonna be like "well we don't know~". It's just an uncomfortable thought. I don't understand why they're so desperate to beat the allegations either, like he's fake. People who have experienced things like what Ed and Lucius went through at his hands are real. The argument that gay people can "do something to (someone)'s brain" is written into legislation trying to ban trans people from public life. Nobody wants you to stop liking Izzy we just want you to stop saying shit that's harmful

And I don't necessarily think that everyone who chooses to put more emphasis on Izzys obsession with Ed wouldn't be able to identify a hate crime, I just have seen more than one piece of meta that goes "Izzys not homophobic he just thinks Stede is a mincing fop who's corrupting Ed with his frilly whiles there's nothing homophobic about that" and I just have to block them for being homophobic themselves because what else do I do with that? When I vague post about this shit I'm talking about specific ass things that I've seen that have made me feel very uncomfortable and unsafe not generic canyon trends. I just really feel like we need to calm down about Izzy. Like you can feel empathy towards a gay guy that hates himself and write a bunch of fic about him getting laid without deciding actually he did nothing wrong and everyone who can see that that's not true is making shit up to oppress *checks notes* people who like a fictional character. I don't get why that's so hard to do.

[kandisheek]

hey kandi 💗✨ as you know, i am a huge fan of your fics and your art and your fic recs and everything else 🥹 but i can't make sense of how you manage to do it all.

how long did it take you to plan the whole year of fic recs, how long in advance do you decide on the actual fics for each day, and how do you balance this and writing? and did you sort of select all the fics already, or do you still read and add to your recs as you go?

it's already halfway through april, congrats on completing all these weeks!! and thank you ❤️❤️❤️

You're so sweet, thank you so much for following along ❤ I started with the planning for these ficrecs sometime last October and have been slowly but surely adding to the sprawling spreadsheet that documents my decent into fanfic madness. I'd say I've probably got the posts up until June or July in my drafts and ready to be posted, but whenever I find a fic I love that I feel fits the theme, I still constantly change things around. To be fair though, a lot of these are fics and authors that I've had bookmarked for a really long time and always wanted to recommend, so I didn't need to go and search for at least half of them.

Still, as a result of this project I've read more fanfics in these past few months than I probably have in the two years previous, and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. I've found so many more fics and authors that I love, and sharing that love makes me incredibly happy. Of course, this somewhat cuts into the time I'd usually spend on writing, which is why I have been mostly recycling my tumblr ficlets on AO3 instead of writing anything new, but I'm having a great time, so it's a fair trade-off, I think 😉

The most fun though has been whenever someone tells me they've really enjoyed one of the fics I've recommended or that they've ended up finding a new author that they like. That makes me so happy, because I love each and every one of these fics, and I want them to get the love and attention they deserve. And also the realization that there is so much fic in this fandom that I can literally pick any trope I like and find at least 30 awesome fics to rec for that week is the fucking best. We are truly blessed in this fandom, and it's great to be reminded of that.

Alright, that's enough rambling, but thank you so much for your ask and for liking and sharing my posts, it means the world to me ❤ I hope you have a great day and a fantastic weekend!

[sweetheradevil]

AUGUST COURT REPORTING THOUGHTS

Hiii :3 since court reporting takes up most of my time, I wanted to do a monthly write-up on my thoughts. I have a lot to say and I feel bad for subjecting all my friends to my yammering about it HAHAH

Current Speed: 140-160 WPM

The 2024 summer quarter has been the most challenging by far. This is the longest I've been stuck in a speed level (June-September) and I have had many, many frustrating moments with my typing abilities. I hit a wall for most of July, so I am currently two levels behind where I want to be. Fortunately, it looks like I'm just about to exit my 140s.

Despite my exasperation with my typing, I feel like this wall presented me with an opportunity to slow down and actually engage with the court reporting community as a whole and learn things about this career I wouldn't have considered if I had just continued speeding along.

In my stupor, I began talking to other reporters to learn why they pursued this career, what they struggled with as students, and also how things will start looking once I go out there and start working myself.

But before I get to that, I kind of wanted to talk about a realization I had about court reporting as a whole. I never doubted that this was the career I wanted, but I feel like being a court reporter in the era of misinformation takes on an entirely different meaning. With the rampant use of AI by people on the internet, peddling of malicious/false ideas, and the intake of large bodies of information, there's a distinct charm about being able to take down something verbatim. This is by no means me condoning the justice system (because as we all know, there are so many issues with it); however, I am glad that I'm a court reporter because should I come across injustices in court, I am taking that down on paper. I am preserving the history of the courtroom and in a time of rampant misinformation and downright manipulation of information, that is so important to me. I plan to work as an official in a courthouse (because to be so honest being my own boss sounds like hell on Earth) so I'll be present for so much stuff that happens.

The internet was once an endless source of knowledge, but now its function has been severely limited by incorrect information, censorship, and paywalls. I used to be in awe at the vast amounts of knowledge I had in the palm of my hand, only for it to be rendered insufficient by all of this bullshit that's out there. It almost feels integral to my values that I will be sitting and preserving a vital part of history in the justice system. Perhaps my efforts will be useful for someone who needs to look back on the record for evidence of various misdeeds, because god knows we need it.

Having to go through court reporting school is hellish, but because I believe it's for a good cause, it's worth it. It also pays handsomely, which I'm very happy about due to financial strife my family has in my adolescence, but that's a topic for another day.

That is one of my biggest inspirations for trekking through school. Another is the fact that this almost feels like a refuge from the horrible job market most people are at the whim of right now. Most reporters chose court reporting as a second career after they were made miserable by their previous jobs. Most of the court reporters I've spoken to are single mothers who had a better opportunity at life after pursuing this career. I'm on the young side for going through court reporting school (most of my schoolmates are middle-aged) but I'm glad to see that there are opportunities for people beyond university. I'm kind of relieved I'm not in a field dominated by men that will undermine my abilities, but rather with other women I have a lot of solidarity with. I really do love this community and the path I'm on.

I'm so, so excited. I think I am just about to pass out of my 140s, so let's hope I can make it to my 200s by the end of the year. Yippeee!

[tigre-edi-rawr]

guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.

For the most dramatic effect, I'll drop the song I mostly relate to during these times.

June 30, 2024.

As I have shared, I felt it, there's another girl. I was not able to confirm it but I'm certain as hell I'm right. I remember still being dumb, not knowing what he's doing during that exact time I was suffering alone. Until you came clean, you said you're talking to someone. Talking. You specifically confessed you've been with no one, just talked to someone because she is also a friend of your bestfriend and that you just talked about the late father of your bestfriend. "Friend" I ain't that stupid. I stopped nagging you and blocked you in all my social medias, I just want to hurt and forget about you. I didn't say anything hurtful, I'm too tired to even do that. I remember getting drunk, too drunk that I used marijuana that night. I was ready to enjoy my life, throw it, who cares? I just want to numb everything. I did everything to make that night pass like I was desperate as hell.

July 1, 2024.

You sent me messages again. You wanted to fix us, you can't lose me, I'm the only one you love, all those bullshits I'm too stupid to believe. Knowing all the things we've shared and you've shared meant nothing but lies all this time makes me want to vomit. You went to our home, but I no longer have the energy to face you and listen to all your twisted games. But who am I? I am too soft when it comes to you, when I heard you're suffering, I want to be there to stop all the pain you're feeling. I am that fool, your willing accomplice. After work, I went to your home. I'm determine to hear your side, I was going to accept all your shortcomings and bullshits. I still feel like I can't lose you, I can still endure it. I asked you multiple times, I even said "Sabihin mo lang sakin lahat, papakinggan ko, tatanggapin ko lahat, yayakapin kita ulit ng buong-buo." But still, you chose to deceive me. I know you're not telling the whole truth. Turning a blind eye is better than losing you.

July 2, 2024.

I remember I was at BGC that day, I can't even work literally, like literally. It's like my brain is all fogged up, it's not functioning. I tried my best to be my old self. You did the same. We were okay, but deep inside I am not. I craved the truth more than you. I realized who I am, what I deserve and if it means losing you for good is the only choice to keep myself sane... it's something that I must do, I owe it to myself. I was trying so hard to convince myself that what you have said is the whole truth, but my whole body knew it wasn't. I had to find the truth for my sanity and peace.

July 3, 2024.

I was fucking tired from all the travel, but I remember it's past 2 a.m. when I arrived home. I have never been this low, but I considered asking that girl for help. I did. I cried for help, I asked for the truth so that I know what to do and know if I'm still with the right person and situation. I basically wanted to know the truth to stop myself for being this stupid. I waited for hours, until my body automatically gave up and I fell asleep around 5 a.m. I woke up around 7 a.m. and the first thing I checked was if she replied. SHE DID.

The uncovering of your lies.

I discovered from that girl, when my ex sent me home, when I was all alone, crying and acting crazy in my bedroom where I was asking him for the truth and getting all the stupid excuses and gaslighting, he was with that girl all night. May nakausap ka pero wala kang nakasama? Fuck you and your twisted mind. You're disgusting. Gusto mong damayan tropa mong namatay ang tatay? Gusto mo ng time sa sarili? Ayaw mo akong isama kasi puro lalaki ang tao sa lamay? Pero susundo ka ng ibang babae habang nababaliw ako mag-isa? Hahayaan mo akong halos mabaliw kakaisip habang pinapaniwala mo ako na paranoid lang ako at hindi ako marunong umintindi ng sitwasyon? YOU'RE DISGUTING. I don't get it. Why did you fix us? If you're too hurt and you can't forgive me because "sobrang sama ng ugali ko", WHY FIX US? It's a lot easier to push me away and reject me instead of this betrayal. Imagine, being with me all night, hugging me, saying that you love me and miss me, then having sex with me the next morning. But that same night, you're with that girl? You did all these shits? You didn't even broke us until the end. You were firm that you didn't cheated and you guys were only talking. You even used the same picture to update me and her, said you will talk to me later kasi 9% nalang phone mo yun pala yun na yung time na sinusundo mo na yung babae mo? Funny how until the end, there were no remorse at all to everything you've done. Not even a sorry. Not even the acknowledgement of all your twisted and disgusting lies. Not even an explanation on how and why you did all of it. Nothing from you but all the fucking blame that I was the problem.

[luveline]

Hello! From what i remember i followed you at the start of June Baby and I love how its grown since the start of it all!

I was just wondering how you stay motivated to write a series? When you started it did you on plan it being a series or did you start writing and realize it was too long to be a one-shot?

Asking because i plan to start a series but as someone who is used to writing one-shots no longer than 2k usually I just can't muster up the motivation to do it. That paired with the fact that I only have a general idea of the whole thing I'm scared it wont turn out as well as I'm hoping

It was supposed to be a one shot but I can't remember what happened, i think the first part got too big and when people liked it very much I decided i could make it longer, there's actually a smut scene between Eddie and reader from June baby that I never used because I chose to make it a slowburn somewhere in my docs 😅

Motivation wise I honestly just really enjoy writing bigger fics and going into detail! I think that it's kind of like training for a marathon where you (or at least for me) have to work up to the bigger pieces! I ant speak for everyone of course but in my experience I find it easier to write big chunks now but only after having been writing for nearly two years. I know you asked about motivation but I'm trying to say (clumsily, sorry!) that the motivation comes easier with practice and by working my way up, plus it helps to have free time too at least for me, I can't write big pieces on top of everything I need the weekends 😅 also complete quiet with no other distractions helps me to be able to write more word count in a shorter time

I do think that being scared of how it will turn out can hinder you, it does for me, like im so scared of the next chapter of one of my fics that I haven't touched it in three weeks so my advice is to power on through, I know that's not easy and writing is tough capital T a lot of the times but the only way through it is through it 😭 I really wish you so much luck and I hope I've said something helpful, I'm so sorry if I haven't!!

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Seems nice that you had at least one supportive figure in your entire fucking life

Ye-Yes, she was very supportive and caring; she re-really was someone I wanted in my life earlier on... She ho-honestly was someone who I wa-wanted to be.

MIAYA: So from there on, Mrs. Hirawa started to trust you with patients?

Ye-Yes, she often gave me a list; help with any injuries, bring food and other task that needed to be done.

I-If anything, it was so nice helping and having peo-people rely on me; i-it was wonderful.

I-In fact I even realize that since they are we-weaker then me, that means th-they need my help and that ca-can't hurt anymore!

MIAYA: ...Was that something she taught you?

O-Oh uh, no no! Of course not...!

I-In fact, she often had to correct me on that when I started to think patients were weaker then me, it's just... hard to get over...

Ac-Actually I even remember she started to trust me with one check up.

...

...

...

Date: June 14th, 2009

*gives Mikan a clipboard with some papers* Alright, Mikan - I want you to go do a check up on this girl.

A check-up...?

Yes, it's mostly just some basic things like weight and height along with anything else, appears the girl is about 14 years old wants to be a model and her agency needs some documents; can you do that.

Ye-Yes ma'am, I ca-can handle that! Le-Leave it to me!

Bu-But what about you? Are you going to check on Burak Doğan? I heard he got injured badly...

Yes I am actually, it seems that he's still traumatize by the whole thing but I was able to talk with him; he appear to be from Turkey and was touring Japan with his friend as a college graduation gift, seems the 2 that hit him were brothers that were in a race. I can't say what happen to the oldest was deserve but what they did was reckless.

We-Well yes, it was reckless of them but I'm sure th-they didn't mean to; did you have Kaya go check on them?

Yes I did, she inform me of what happen; seems that young man's younger brother was deeply traumatized and was blaming himself for what happen...I just hope he can manage, anyway I better go check.

*Riho walk away as Mikan look at the clipboard*

Hmm, now let's see here...

------------------------------------------------------------------------

CLIENT NAME: RYOKO OTONASHI

GENDER: FEMALE

DOB: 1994/12/24

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah, okay so it's just a check-up, that should be easy... let's see what we got. *Mikan walk down the hall as she passes by she notices a young blonde girl with a small child*

CHILD: *crying as hugging the women* I-I...I just my mommy, sh-she got hurt badly, I re-really got to see her...!

Don't worry, I'm sure that once the doctors are finish with her; you can see her, just be patient...

I know, how about we do something fun while we pass the time, hm? Maybe we can read your favorite book or drawing? I'm sure that would help, hm?

CHILD: I-I...I want to draw, can we draw something?

Oh sure thing, I'm sure that be fun so let's do that then, hm?

*As then the child and young women start drawing together*

Wo-Wow, she seems really patient and kind; children must really love her.

O-Oh right, I have to get to the check-up!

*Mikan rushes over to the room and rushes in* I-I'm sorry I'm late, do forgive me!

Ah, there she is; hey Ryoko, seems the nurse has arrive!

Oh, really? Looks like she made it, hello - I'm Ryoko Otonashi, I want to get a check-up for this agency that I'm applying.

Ah right, I check and it seems you need a check-up? Why is that?

Well seems the agency wants me to get a check; y'know, check weight, height and other health-related concerns before I join them.

Seriously, why do I need a check-up? I think I'm just fine how I look...!

Sorry Ryoko but it's part of the agency rules; you need to get yourself check-out before you begin modeling but it shouldn't take too long, right nurse Tsumiki?

Ye-Yes, don't worry; will be done quite soon, so just take off your clothes and lie down.