#I can’t live my life properly anymore knowing she’s out there | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

prettyboykatsuki · 2 months ago

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call it quits or call it destiny | h. umemiya.

✮ tags ; afab + fem!reader(she/her pronouns, referred to as a girl, gets dressed up by tsubaki and kotoha), reader gets their hair braided (no desc of texture) and puts on makeup, lore heavy reader backstory + personality, deliquent!reader, gap moe, best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, themes of insecurity, mutual pining,the use of she/her for tsubaki, jealousy, confessions, loss of virginity, creampies / unprotected sex, oral (f!recieving), fingering, 18+

✮ wc ; 13.9k (dont. don't say anything)

✮ a/n ; me when i completely lose my mind because i have a weekend off. whats wrong with me.

anyways. there's no major triggers for this but be forewarned reader is meant to be very rag-tag deliquent type. she has a strong personality and generally is not feminine. she is like a mangy street cat a bit. also if u want u should listen to easily by bruno major while reading.

✮ synopsis ; you've been quietly pining for umemiya for a little over ten years with no plans of confessing.

you did not have a plan for what you would do if umemiya confessed to you first.

Once a day, everyday - Umemiya will come into your store, pause, smile, and confess his love to you before going off on his own.

And once a day, everyday, you reject this confession with a soft huff telling him to quit being stupid before shooing him away.

It's become a ritual. A fixture in your daily routine that you're not allowed to ignore despite how hard you're trying.

He's been doing it for three months, more or less.

His reason for confessing everyday? Because he’s waiting on the day you confess back, of course. Which you've refused to do for the last few months and will continue to refuse for as long as you’ve got.

It's not because you don't like him, alright?

You've known Umemiya since middle school and you've liked him for about the same time. One of the core memories of your childhood is the day you met him, crying while sitting on a swing-set, after what felt like the worst day of your life.

( On the day you run away from home, you seriously consider not going back.

You don’t really know how long you sit there. People walk by but most of them move on quickly. It’s mid-day before anyone bothers to stop and ask you something.

"I've never seen you around before.” A strange looking boy approaches, friendly and unassuming but not entirely cheerful “Did you just move here?"

You keep quiet, closing your eyes and hoping your lack of response is enough to push him away. Your hope fizzles out when you hear the swing creak as he sits besides you.

"I'm Umemiya Hajime. I live close by." His voice is airy and causal. "I'm sorry you're having a bad day.”

"Fuck off," You reply bluntly, frowning. “I don’t need sympathy. Leave me the hell alone.”

He pauses before pushing himself slightly forward to barely swing.

“I couldn’t leave you alone while you’re sad,” He voices willfully. "It might make you feel better to talk about it."

In disbelief at his response, you finally look up and asses him properly. It doesn’t do much to change your initial unfavorable impression. White hair, blue eyes and a little taller than you. You’re definitely about the same age. All of that to say, there’s something weird about him that you can’t quite place.

Despite his manner and way of speaking though, you don’t actually think he’s that weak which makes his whole aura even more unnerving to you. His attempt at being non-threatening doesn’t work for him. He’s being a real try-hard about trying to make you comfortable…

Either way, he’s got an air about him that puts you on the defensive.

Talking to someone about it had never been much of any option, and somehow it pisses you off that he’s being so brazen about it.

Maybe if you tell him about, he’ll stop prying into your business. Or maybe you’re just looking for excuses to let off steam.

You don't care anymore. You wipe your nose with the back of your sleeve.

"I don't live here and I didn’t move. I ran away." You reply.

He keeps looking at you, curious, inquisitive and sympathetic.

"Why?"

"I broke a girls nose." You scowl. The words rise up in your throat like bile. Make you feel cornered. The wounds too fresh. "It—she bullied me for years for one. And I never fought back, it was all petty bullshit anyway and I didn't like getting calls home. I didn't care about that but she—it wasn't for nothing. She was causing trouble for Sensei."

Umemiya keeps to himself, humming in response to your troubles. Your voice breaks on your next sentence, chest tightening.

"It doesn't matter what she does to me but—" Your hands ball up at your first. Your throat feels thick, eyes suddenly watering as your chest throbs . "Anyway, I couldn’t let it go like normal."

He hums. "So you hit her?"

You shake your head, sniffling. "Not at first. Just told her to shut up. Said that she didn't know what she was talking about. She hit me first..." You screw your eyes shut, sighing. "...said she was gonna spread rumors about him just trying to get under my skin and be malicious,” You lean back slightly and look up towards the gray sky. “I punched her after that."

You realize he's looking at your bloodied knuckles, but he isn't making an expression that you can read easily. You don’t remember the last time you spoke to someone like this who wasn’t Tsukimori-sensei.

"Are you crying because you got in trouble?"

“Who cares about that?” You sigh “Sensei had to put his job on the line and take responsibility for me,” Your brow furrows in frustration. “He’s the one person I don’t want to cause trouble for,” You grip the iron chains of the swing set with a closed fist and finally admit what you’ve been avoiding to say out loud. “I don’t want him to hate me…”

The kid besides you smiles absently at your words. Half-way between listening and recalling something else, it seems like. You can’t help but wonder what the hell his deal is. You barely know him but you’re spilling your guts.

He speaks after a long while. "I don't think he sees it that way. I think you should try to talk to him about it."

You make a face, rejecting the idea. "What? No way."

Umemiya shrugs, smiling - though it doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"He sounds like he cares about you. If he knew your reasons, there's no way he would hold it against you. And it’s important to share your burdens with people who care for you." You look over and see him smiling somberly at the mulch beneath his shoes before returning back to what you’ve grown to know as his usual self. "Anyways, I think we should be friends. Tell me your name."

You sniffle again. What a weird guy. Well you say that but

You still give him your name.

"What a pretty name,"

When you tell him to shut up again, your new friend Umemiya just laughs.

And you find you feel just a little bit lighter.)

That night, Umemiya walked with you to take the last train and told you to come see him again with good news.

You aren't sure what compelled you to follow his advice. Maybe because he was the first person who sat down and listened to you about it other than Sensei himself.

Tsukimori-sensei was your school counselor and the only adult in your entire life that seemed to worry about. You didn't have any friends in middle school and you were a scary looking delinquent girl without a mother and a mostly absent father.

But Sensei was always incredible gentle to you and incredibly kind. And despite what rumors that girl tried to spread - he was never anything more than an important mentor.

It was fucking embarrassing crying in front of him but because you were honest - you got to keep in touch with him. He attended your middle school and high school graduation - supporting you as you started to sort your life out. Became the closest thing you ever really got to a parental figure.

Over time, you got close with Umemiya and developed strong loyalty to him. You attended an all-girls middle and high school the next town over - totaling one other friend in all six years of your remaining education. Lack of socialization meant that Umemiya somewhat became the very center of your existence.

It was easy to visit him thanks to parental neglect. You sort of melted into his life. Tsubaki once called you his guard dog as a half-joke, but there's some truth to the sentiment. Quick to defend, quick to heel, and always happy to see him.

You, like many people, owe Umemiya a lot. His meddling over the course of ten years gave you reason to push forward. He even encouraged you to try and attend school and not give up on living a half-decent life.

You've got a never-ending list of short-comings but being with him didn't make you hate yourself. It made you want to be better because you knew Umemiya would accept you for whoever you decided to be.

So despite your delinquency, you managed to graduate high school. Post-graduation, you attended a vocational culinary school and became a patisserie before moving to Furin for permanent residency. You opened a bakery and supply bread to Kotoha-chans diner.

You made something of your life mostly 'cause of Umemiya. He's not your only friend anymore but he's still your best. Even though you never really pictured things like dating or romance - in some way it only makes sense that it'd be that meddling, kind-hearted idiot that you end up falling for it.

Lovesickness aside, you respect Umemiya more than anyone in your personal life.

He’s stuck around with someone like you this long after all. That means a lot to you.

Somehow the two of you mesh well despite being totally opposite.

You decided as soon as you realized it sometime in high school that you'd keep your feelings a secret for the rest of your life. You had a strong resolve in your beliefs about the whole thing which made it easy. You hid 'em so well even Sakura's stupid accurate romance detector didn't uncover them.

When you picture Umemiya's future - it was easy to picture the kind of woman he would end up with. Another kind-hearted idiot like him, a social butterfly. Someone a little softer.

In any case it definitely was not you. You didn't need it to be. You've received so much from him already, you never entertained the idea. Plus, Umemiya has dated other people over the years, so in your head there was never any hope to cling onto.

For all reasons listed above, a requited romance is at the very bottom of your expectations.

That's why you've been in this fucking conundrum.

To say it was a complete shock to you when Umemiya openly confessed to you many months ago would be understatement of the goddamn century.

He confessed right on the last day of Spring, totally out of the blue.

(It’s a little unusual for Umemiya to call you at this hour. If it were anyone else, you’d be a little upset since you’ve gotta be up around four-am to get prepared for the day.

It’s him though so you’re particularly tolerant, yawning as you find Umemiya on a familiar swing-set, still wearing your PJ’s.

"Why am I out here in the middle of the night with you?"

Your words lack any real malice as you sit down. Umemiya remains totally quiet. It's unusual for him to not immediately go on a tangent upon seeing you.

"Oi. Earth to Hajime." You frown at him. "Did ya get beat up before coming here and scramble your brain? Give me the popsicle before it melts."

He looks over at you and chuckles as he hands you the bag from the convenience store. You ignore his odd behavior and open up said popsicle before it melts - carefully splitting it down the middle and giving him the bigger side before going to town on your own. He takes it from you but doesn't even bring it up to his mouth.

Weird.

"Did something... happen? Like seriously happen?" You take a long lick of your iced treat. It's melon flavored, your favorite. "Seeing you frown doesn't feel right. Gives me the heebie-jeebies."

He cracks a little smile at that. It makes you feel better. He shakes his head.

"Mm, nothing happened. I just have something I want to tell you."

You nod in understanding. "'kay. Take your time."

He blinks, surprised.

"Hm? Aren't you gonna scold me for wasting your time?"

"Nah. Whatever it is must be serious if it's making you all introspective or whatever. 's fine. Bring me coffee tomorrow and I'll forgive ya."

His lip twitches up. "I l really like that about you."

You feel yourself flush and wave a hand at him. "Ahh, shut up."

He pauses for a second then shakes his head. "Mm. It's more like I like everything about you, actually."

You twist your face in confusion. "What are you on about now?"

"That's what I came here to tell you." Umemiya says after a deep breath. He says it so casually you wonder if you're mishearing him - leaning back to look up at the stars. "I really, really like you. I just felt like I had to tell you that"

You stare at him in disbelief.

"Wha—huh?"

He doesn't even flinch as he repeats it.

"I like you."

"No the hell you don't."

He furrows his brow with a light laugh. "I just told you that I do, silly."

"But that's—" You don't say the word impossible. You really want too, but you know exactly how he would react if you did. You simply shake your head. "No, you don't."

"I thought you might respond like this so don't worry but how about you?" He shrugs then looks at you intently. "I thought you might like me too."

Your eyes go wide. Oh fuck.

You feel like a deer caught in headlights. You know you should be happy about this, deep down. That'd be the normal response.

But you just feel complicated as shit instead. Fuck does he mean? Umemiya.... likes you? There's just no way that's true. Not after all of this time. And how the fuck does he know you like him back when you've been keeping it in?

You can't bring yourself to look him in the face and lie. Your heart rises to your throat as you shakily stand to your feet.

"Stop...thinking whatever you've been thinking. I'm going home." You reply in complete panic.

The minute you say it, you turn on your heel so you don't have to look at his face. You don’t even want to know.

And before Umemiya can catch you and try to talk it out, you bolt.

What the fuck was that?)

For the last few months, you've been avoiding the topic of conversation as much as you humanly can.

The possibility of Umemiya even just accepting your feelings was already far beyond your imagination, but him returning them? Confessing first? That wasn't even in your realm of possibility.

Ever since then, you've been losing your mind trying to force your life and train of thought to go back to normal. You’ve done all of the math on it.

Realistically, you can't ignore him. Your lives are so mixed together it'd be impossible unless you went under protection and changed your name which you briefly considered. You thought of turning him down but you’re pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to actually do it despite how good you are at keeping it in. Either way, your best option logistically is feigning ignorance and trying to keep the whole thing out of your mind entirely which should've been easy.

Tricking yourself into believing the whole thing was a dream? Lightwork.

Except. Except.

Umemiya just won't give up.

He confesses to you again every single day. Worse, he doesn't care whose around to hear him. No one in your friend group seems even the tiniest bit shocked by it which doesn't help the situation. You can't get used to it, can't get used to him being so fucking cheeky as he stops you midway through normal conversation to tell you he loves you.

He's persistent to a fault and while you've done well feigning immunity - you can't survive like this.

You've graduated to tell him to go away and treating the whole thing like some big joke.

But honestly?

You're avoiding having a proper conversation about it. Umemiya is especially keen in not letting you forget that. And determined to make you confess.

But you're not going to to let him sway you.

You've got principles, after all.

After you close up shop on Friday, you get dressed to attend a kickback with all of your friends.

It's a barbecue technically - commemorating the end of summer. Togame is really into grilling and in their weird domestic partnership, Chouji really enjoys hosting. They've done this once or twice a year ever since they started living together.

Once you've finished cleaning up the store, you take the train to Kotoha's place - mistakenly assuming you'd leave as soon as you got there. However you failed to realize that Tsubaki and Kotoha would be getting ready together.

You got jumped as soon as you walked through the door - so now you're wearing a different pair of clothes that Tsuabki got for you and waiting for them to finish getting you dressed up so you can leave.

Tsuabkino is inches from your face while Kotoha braids your hair. You feel itchy and exposed but with both of them here there's no way you're going to get out of wearing it.

"Can we just go?" You grumble, not enjoying the feeling of being poked and prodded.

"No," Tsubaki insists, frown making her expression pinch. "You have half an eyelash on. Sit still."

"He'll be happy to see you dressed up," Kotoha adds, trying to encourage you. You frown and look down.

"Whatever. I don't care about makin' him happy."

The both of them pause and stare at you until you fold under the pressure - screwing your eyes shut and making you flush.

“Such a blatant lie.”

Tsubaki giggles. “Right?”

Your face feels hot. "Ahhh, alright already. Shut up."

"Honest girls are much cuter," Tsubaki coos. You give her a half-assed glare.

"Don't you like Hajime? Why're you trying to set me up with him still?" You mumble. You always think they’d make a perfect pair.

"Of course I like him. He's my prince." She smiles at you. “But it’s a little different to how a certain someone loves him. And well, if you knew the way he looked at you…"

You frown, feeling hot all the way up to your ears as you ball your fists up and look down at your lap. "Whatever."

"You should stop trying to worm your way out of it," Kotoha adds, much less sweetly. "You know how he is. He couldn't give up on you for ten years like some idiot."

You blink. "Huh? But ten years would mean -"

Kotoha braids your hair even tighter making you wince. "I know. You're both stupid like that."

"Don't be mean, Kotoha-chan. And you, be a little more honest, okay?"

You sigh deeply.

"Ain't like anything is gonna happen either way. I already told you both I'm not accepting his confession,"

"Cause you're a huge wuss, yeah we know."

You elbow Kotoha lightly.

"Maybe nothing will," Tsubaki hums mischievously. "But it feels nice to dress up for him, right?"

You pretend the thought doesn't make your hear flutter.

Tsubaki does you the kindness of laughing lightly before moving on.

You arrive to the function an hour later than planned and stick mostly with Kotoha and Tsubaki until half way through the evening.

Loosening up with a few drinks, the three of you part ways to catch-up with different people. It's not rare you see them, but it's not often everyones schedules allow them to be in the same place.

Lucky for you, Umemiya does you the courtesy of not confessing during the first half of the night before food comes out.

(Though you do spit beer in his face after he calls you pretty, which he takes on the chin after cleaning up.)

After dinner, the function simmers down significantly. People quietly break off into groups and chat to each other into the late night. About that time people split whatever desserts they brought among guests.

You brought cookies and something specifically for Chouji and Togame as thanks for hosting.

Towards the end of the night, you find yourself sticking sort of close to Umemiya. Though he's having his own one-on-one conversation with Hiragi while sitting next to you , turned the other way.

You busy yourself catching up to Suo, Sakura and Nirei - all of whom you consider yourself close to.

Of them, you're the closest to Nirei which always surprises people.

The kids a total wimp but he helped you years ago study to graduate so you're a little closer to him than everyone else. He's a great guy though and you hang out alone sometimes too.

The conversations gone far left at this point in the evening.

Suo leans back against his chair and looks toward Sakura besides him with a lazy smile.

"Sakura-chan would make a great wife."

You snort listening to them bicker. Sakura grows beet red, throwing an empty beer can at Suo's head that he catches gracefully.

"Go die."

"What? You're good at domestic work and you have a cute side, Isn't that all you need?"

"Shut up. I'll kill you."

As Suo breaks out into laughs, Sugishita comes down from the kitchen just in time to catch the argument. He crinkles his nose up.

"Oh, Sugishita-kun. 'Sup."

He nods to your greeting as he leans against the wood railing of the outdoor deck.

"What the hell are you two talking about?"

'What? You mean about Sakura being a good wife?" Suo asks. Sugishita crinkles his nose.

"Don't phrase it so repugnantly but yeah I guess."

"We were talking about marriage 'cause I was complaining at work."

"What's happening at work?"

Nirei sighs as he lays it out again to Sugishita after having given the spiel to the three of you once.

"One of my superiors at work is a lot older than me and keeps bringing up marriage," Nirei explains woefully. "It's all he talks about. He thinks I'm seeing someone."

Sugishita frowns. "Eh? What gave him that impression?"

A good question you hadn't considered asking.

You raise your brow at Nirei who laughs awkwardly while he holds your gaze.

"You know that picture of us from highschool? When he came to the cafe at your school festival?"

You smile spitefully, crinkling your nose in faux distaste. "The one wear we wearing those stupid maid costumes?"

"Yup. That's the one. It's a good picture of us so I keep it on my desk and he saw it so..."

"You keep a picture of just the two of you on your desk? No wonder he got that impression.” Suo adds.

You sense Umemiya suddenly tense which you find weird. He's still talking to Hiragi though when you glance from the corner of your eye. You brush it off.

Nirei blushes, elbowing him.

"Shut up. I've got group pictures and stuff too. But he just singled out that one cause you know,"

You nod in understanding before it dawns on you. Your eyes widen. "Oh, shit? Does that old man think you're dating me?"

Nirei closes his eyes and sighs. "He won't even let me correct him."

You pause before breaking out into genuine laughter.

"Pfft, that's terrible." You reply sympathetically, taking a sip of your beer before giving a mischievous grin. "Maybe you can make it work for you though, eh? Tell 'em we got hitched forreal and then I'll call you on the phone and nag you to get home for dinner so you can leave earlier."

Nirei acts like he's touched making you laugh even harder. "You'd do that for me?"

You give him another toothy grin. "I'll even help you fake some wedding photos. We'll be accomplices." You lean back with a shrug. "You gotta wear the dress though."

Sugishita laughs at that. "You being a blushing bride is a little..."

You snort, shooting him a dirty look "Shut up."

"Deal. Not a bad plan honestly." Nirei says with a sigh. "Whatever gets me out of the office early."

"Even if that means being married to me?" You joke.

He smiles at you. "Aw, what do you mean? That's the best part."

You chuckle at him good-natuedly and the conversation quickly moves on.

The alcohol is starting to make you dizzy so you eventually tune out as the four of them talk, glancing at Umemiya from the corner of your eye.

You swear you catch a glimpse of his jaw ticking.

For the rest of the night, Umemiya is off.

No one else can tell. You know that because the atmosphere remains light until everyone leaves around two-am. There's no blips or tension, no awkward pauses.

But you know Umemiya. He's been real weird all night and it's bugging the shit out of you.

It's a well past two now, and you've just left the late night cab you took with him. Umemiya lives close so he's walking you home.

He's usually energetic after a get-together like that so his dead silence is weirding you out. You're pretty good at figuring his feelings out but for once you feel totally clueless.

It feels as if even the cicadas and crickets have gone to sleep. There's nothing bu the streetlights overhead and soft glow of the moon, coupled with the soft click of your shoes on the pavement. Occasionally, a car will pass by.

At one point, it becomes too much. There's still a few minutes until you're home.

You stop in the middle of the sidewalk and turn around to look at him. Umemiya pauses, startled as he stops with you, and doesn't smile which only makes your concern worsen.

"Oi. What's up with you?"

"Hm?"

You cross your arms over your chest.

"Don't 'hm' me. You've been in a bad mood few for the last few hours. It's gonna bug me all night if I don't ask, so what's up?"

He stares at you.

"You noticed?"

"How could I not notice?"

"I was hiding it pretty well, I thought." He states more than asks, half-smile on his face.

"Yeah. But well," You shrug. "I'm always looking at you for better or for worse. So. What's wrong?"

He stares at you a long time before sighing, running his fingers through his hair. You've never seen him like this. You've seen him pissed off before, seen him mildly irritated - but never this... pouty? It's not like he's pissed.

He's quiet, taking a deep breath of cool night air before sliding his hands into his pockets and taking a good look at your face.

"Do you know that I like you?"

Your eyes widen as you blink wildly.

This is what he wants to talk about?

He pins you down with his stare, hands in his pockets and intense as ever.

"Don't even think about bolting this time, okay? I'm asking you seriously. Do you?"

Your eyes flicker down the concrete - feeling extremely uncomfortable and suddenly sweaty. You shrug, unsure of what else you could say or do.

"Hard not to know." You mumble. "You tell me everyday."

"But do you get it?"

Your frown deepens.

"Of course not. How could I possibly get something like that, stupid?"

He takes a deep breath. "But you like me, don't you?"

Panic sets in. If you could sink straight into the Earth you would.

"...Never said that."

He calls your name quietly. "Look at me, at least. Stop running away from me and just look."

You know you're being stubborn but you can't help it. You've kept it a secret for ten years and all of a sudden he wants you to tell him you like him? You've held it in for so long already and he's telling you not to run away.What other choice is there?

One wrong move move and everything will come crashing down inside of you. You can't even lie about it either.

Damn it.

"I won't look." Your voice is warbly and it makes you feel so pathetic you could die, tucking your chin petulantly "Don't wanna,"

Umemiya frowns at you.

"If you say you don't like me I'll let it go."

You remain very quiet and close your eyes tighter. He sighs softly, making your chest hurt.

After a minute, you muster up the courage to be dishonest - determined to drop it at all costs. You're slow as you pick your head up.

"I don't like you," You repeat slowly, carefully - trying not to stumble the words. "So quit it, alright?"

He laughs humorlessly and holds your gaze.

"That's the first time you've ever actually lied to me. You're terrible at it,"

"I'm not lying." You snap. Umemiya smiles somberly when he sees tears on the corners of your eyes. He steps closer to you. You freeze. When his hand reaches cups your cheek, you feel your legs lose all their strength and close your eyes. You're terrified to even look at him, not wanting him to see what you know is obvious on your face.

He wipes them as he tilts your face towards him slowly.

"Tell me, at least. If you're going to refuse me, don't I deserve to know why? Do you hate the idea of dating me that much?"

You shake your head. "Stupid. How would anyone hate that?"

"So I deserve to know why you're turning me down."

A long moment of silence draws you out of your feelings. You guess that's fair enough. Maybe this way he'll leave you alone - as long you're clear about your reasons. He’s the earnest type after all.

You manage to suck up all your tears and clear your throat enough to give him an explanation.

You step back a little from him, putting some distance between you as you stare down at the sidewalk.

"You know... I respect ya more than anyone else. You've always been someone I admire. And I uh, owe you a lot. So I only want the very best for you and all." You scratch your neck, taking a deep sigh. "For me... regardless of my feelings, I want you to be with someone who really fits, you know? Well put-together and everything. Someone that suits you better"

He pauses before frowning.

"Regardless of your feelings? Does that mean you were willingly pushing them aside?" He says distraught. "For how long?"

You shrug, trying to lighten the conversation. It’s too devastating otherwise. "About ten years, give or take."

The sheer distress in his face makes you want to keep talking, just he doesn’t look so disheartened. Like some explanation will clear things up.

"It ain't a bad thing, Hajime. You've given me a lot and I'm serious when I say I want the best for you. I love you, if that's what you wanna hear. I'm content just being besides you as your friend." You say with a shrug. "I can be kinda selfish but there's a limit to my greed,yknow."

He looks like he's in shock.

"Wanting someone to love you back isn't greedy or selfish."

You find you don't have anything to say with that, but hope he drops it for the time being.

Umemiya stares at you seriously. It makes your breath hitch meeting his eyes, blue with all the depth in the world. You feel like you can't pull yourself from his gaze.

"And there was never a possibility? Not once that I could've liked you? That I wanted to be with you?"

"It doesn't matter." You say. "And no, it never crossed my mind.."

"Stop saying it doesn't matter. Of course it matters. Your feelings matter the most so don't toss them aside so easily. Do you really believe that you're not right for me?"

You aren’t sure how to answer him.

"You think you're not good enough for me." He says with some realization more than asks.

It's the first time you see his face change. When you look up, he looks well and truly angry. The whole thing is confusing.

"I'm sorry," You say. It’s such a timid thing to say but you don’t know how else to fix.

"It's not—I just don't like hearing you talk about yourself like that. I don't like hearing someone I love get spoken about like that.”

You ignore the sentiment again and wait in the quiet. You always thought this would be an easier conversation to have but it hurts.

He sighs a bit, getting closer to you again. He’s less upset than before but there’s something else in his expression.

"You wanted to know why I was upset earlier right? It's because of you and Nirei-kun." He admits.

"What about him?"

"You talked about marrying him so casually. I overheard and it bothered me all night."

Your eyes go wide.

"I—it wasn't serious."

"I know that. I never thought I was that childish either but you being married to someone else as a joke." He laughs humorlessly. "I really hated it. That’s why I asked if you know how much I like you."

You feel frozen in place by his admission.

Umemiya steps towards you faster than you can muster up a counter for why he shouldn’t bother.

His arms around you feel sudden. His grip on you is so tight, like you could slip through his arms all at once if he loosens it. He smells like cologne and beer and summer but it's not unpleasant. He rests his chin on your head and lets out a deep breath.

Your chest is throbbing for different reasons now. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

"If you won't be greedy, then you should at least let me be." He lets out a long, tense breath "At least let me have what I want."

You're stuck. Your mouth moves faster than your brain.

"Why me? And why now?"

Umemiya pulls away to stare down at you. You can't bring yourself to turn away from him.

"It was always you. I felt guilty... for wanting to you that way when you were a precious friend. Wanting to treat you delicately when you were strong and proud." He admits. Hearing him say that out loud embarrasses you to no end, “But it was those things that made me love you. Strong yet clumsy. Prideful yet honest. Awkward yet trying to be gentle. Loyal. And always considerate of everyone. Of me, when I was taking care of everyone else."

Your stomach feels like it's going to erupt. You're losing your resolve faster than you know how to mend it.

"Stop saying stuff like that."

Umemiya holds you tighter and shakes his head. "No. How else will I get you to change your mind?"

"I won't change my mind." You say stubbornly.

"I love you." He repeats.

You squirm.

"Stop it,"

"I want to be with you. I want to kiss you. I want to hold you. I want to stay by your side forever. I want to do things with you and make you feel good. I want to make you smile. I want to grow old with you."

Your hearts fluttering. Fuck.

"Idiot. What are you saying? Let me go."

"It has to be you for me. I won't have anyone else no matter what you think. The person I love is you. I love you."

"Hajime." Your voice is shaking.

His drops down to a whisper.

“I can’t change how you think of yourself overnight but I can tell you that there’s no point in trying to push me away. Whether or not you accept me, we’ll never stop being side by side - so please stop fighting it.”

You put your hands on his chest, trying to push him away. “Stop it,”

"Please tell me it's okay to love you how I want too," He says, soft and doting while he crushes you in his arms. "And please love me in return."

You put your hands up to your misty eyes wanting to wipe them away as he melts through the rest of your resolve like it's nothing. It's hard not to be moved. You've been pretending for ten long years that you don't love him at all and he's declaring his love for you like it's the easiest, most sensible and sane thing in the world.

A kind-hearted, willful, meddling idiot. How you are you supposed to push him away when he's holding you this tight?

"Shit," You voice, huffing as your voice shakes. "Don’t be stupid, alright? If you’re so insistent, I wont let you back out if you meet someone else."

He laughs wetly.

"I already tried meeting other people, but it's still you. Always was."

He smiles above you. 6'2 with watery eyes with the look of pure relief like it's the best news he's ever heard in his life. It's too much for you. Your heart is racing so fast you wonder if you're gonna die.

"Can I kiss you?" He asks.

Your eyes go wide as you look away, not wanting to look too eager. "That's..."

He makes another puppy-dog kinda face. "Please?"

You're embarrassed by how easy it makes you give in. "...Do whatever you want."

He laughs bright and warm as his hands slide up to cup your cheeks and kiss you with all the passion he can muster. It's intense, almost suffocating the way he slots his lips against yours and breathes you in. He doesn't let you up from it, doesn't part from you for a second even when he pulls away - noses brushing and stealing the air from your lungs.

It's your stupid first kiss and it's perfect - so perfect you wonder if you're going to wake up in a dream. He kisses you hard and makes you stand on your toes to chase his lips when he pulls back. Elated. Ecstatic when you grasp the front of his shirt and keep kissing him when he stops.

He pauses before littering your whole face with pecks even as you weakly protest, unable to stop frowning but feeling the happiest you've ever been.

There's so much longing in between you, you feel like you could die. You feel helpless.

"Can I come home with you?" He asks, once he stops - only holding your hand a short distance away. "I want more time together."

You feel your skin burn hot as you nod, all while trying not to read too much into it.

"Yeah."

You barely get to lock your door behind you before Umemiya crowds you in the door way.

His arms circle around your waist, chin resting against your shoulder.. Broad chest against your back, you try not to flounder as his warm voice caresses your ear.

You're going to die young if he keeps this up.

"I love you,"

You flush. "Enough already. And let me go so I can wash up."

"Do you need to sleep early? Thought you were closed tomorrow. Wanted to talk a little longer."

You pause.

"...Sleep?"

"Hm?"

You both freeze as the miscommunication dawns at the same time. You try to pull away from him as soon as you realize, skin burning hot. You're quick but Umemiya is quicker.

"Hajime." You say gravely. "If you don't let me go, I'm gonna kill you."

"No way," He laughs as you attempt to wriggle out of his grasp. "Is that why you let me in? Were you expecting something?"

"Shut up! Don't say anything, I swear I'll —"

"Don't be like that, baby. I'm not making fun of you. Hey, turn around. Look at me."

You're upset but you think the reason is more embarrassing then the feeling.

"Don't wanna,"

Umemiya laughs as he gently turns you around to face him. In your utter mortification, you can barely bring yourself to meet his gaze.

"Stop staring."

He doesn't.

"Do you normally invite guys in just 'cause they ask?"

"Wha—no! It's because it's you, stupid!"

He smiles in satisfaction.

"You shouldn't say yes so easily even if it is me. What if I took advantage of you?"

You think he's just being smug for the sake of it, which is pissing you off. You grab him by the front of his shirt.

"Fuck off. Maybe there's a reason I said yes."

He pauses before his eyes widen. You push your hand against his mouth before he blurt anything else out but he's quick to pry your hand away.

"Don't say it." You hiss.

"I was planning on taking my time. I cherish you and I want to make sure you know that. I'm just a little surprised you’re moving so quick when you were telling me not too long ago."

You can feel the tips of your ears growing hot, feeling even more self-conscious. "Whatever. If we're just going to sleep I still need to wash up."

He keeps his arms behind your back so you can’t move.

"Hey. Didn't say that. It's not like I don't want to do it with you. Just don't want you to regret anything."

You give him an flat look. "I was prepared to give you my virginity and you're worrying about that. Unless you're planning on backing out, there's no way I would."

"Your—" His jaw drops a little.

You drop your voice down just a little close as you grab his collar.

"If you get it, then hurry up and fuck me. Stupid Hajime."

He gives you the dopiest smile you've ever seen while your face grows increasingly hot, leaning to in to press a kiss to your lips. He brushes his nose with yours. Laughter from deep in his chest.

"Yes, ma'am."

Once you give Umemiya permission to have you, you get the feeling that there really is no going back from here.

You both know it. The tension in your bedroom is so thick you can barely breathe around it.

Umemiya lands gently onto your bed - sitting up as he holds you by your waist and pulls you over to him. You're so aware of his touch it makes your nerves feel they're on fire. You're not a total virgin - at least not enough to be feeling this worked up over someones hands lingering on your waist.

But they're Umemiya's hands—Hajime's hands, so you can't rationalize your thoughts of out it. His hands are strong and big, a little calloused and rough from the gardening and fighting. You can feel how much he adores you in a gesture so small it makes you concerned for your own heart thinking about how the rest of the night will go.

He invites you into his lap gently, so pleased by the way you go to him so willingly. You spread yourself over him with your knees on either side of his thighs. He's big - wide and broad.

Your barely hovering over his bulge as you lean your weight onto him. His hand barely brushes underneath your top, just barely touching the skin.

You shiver.

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" He asks. "I don't mind waiting as long as you need,"

You give him an bored look. "Not very convincing when you're makin' a face like that,"

He chuckles nervously. "That bad?"

You nod before adding a little bashfully. "Dunno if I mind, though."

He buries his fact against your chest all of a sudden making you jump.

"The hell?"

"You're so cute when you're honest like that," He mumbles into your chest, cheek pressed against your tits.

"Jeez, shut up. What're you talking about?"

Umemiya pulls back and leans forward - enough to breach the inches of space between you. Nose to nose, your eyes meet. A bated breath, you put your hand on his shoulders and work up the nerve to kiss him.

It's chaste. Mostly for you to break the ice otherwise you're sure you're gonna pussy out.

He smiles at you when you pull away.

"See what I mean? So cute," He hums, and leans in again. "Come on. Kiss me again."

Something about him is different when he tells you to kiss him. It's not smug or cheeky. But it's not casual either. Softness tinges his words, his touch - his whole demeanor screams like he loves you absolutely. It makes your heart rate pick up again, hands shaky as you try not to lose your nerve.

He's restraining himself though. How he intense he could be vs how soft and calm he is being. You know Umemiya like the back of your hand so you want him to do what he wants. It's hard to find your voice.

"You don't have to.." You cast your eyes down in embarrassment. "…hold back with me, either. I'm not some maiden."

He smiles at you a little. "You really do know me better than anyone, huh? I was keeping it together pretty well."

"Look I know I’m kinda difficult…I'm not real good with stuff like this either," You fidget with the collar of his shirt with your free hand. "But once I say yes I don’t back out. So don't worry about scaring me off or putting too much pressure on me or whatever. ...'s fine to just do what you feel like. I’m scared out of my mind but I wouldn’t do that to you,"

“Don’t know how long it’ll take but I’ll do my best to make you feel secure. Might take some time but we’ve got our whole lives.” You flush at the implication. He smiles a little. "Whatever I want seems like a lot to give, though."

"Well...depending on what, I'm might not be good at it,"

He shakes his head. "I don't want anything like that."

"What do you want then?"

"You." He says easily. Your stomach flips. "All of you. I just want to make you feel so good you can't stand it. Want to worship you top to bottom. There's not a single part of you I don't want."

You flush. "The hell... I meant like a blowjob or some shit."

He laughs. "I know. And I want that too, another time." He hums, taking a deep breath. "Right now I just want you to feel so good for me. Is that okay?"

You can't look at him. You can barely stand how bashful you're being, but you can't even play coy. Something in you is bursting at the seams.

You love him so much you don't recognize yourself, or your voice, or how you're acting. It makes you sick but you can’t do anything but go with it. "Yeah. 's okay, if it's what you want."

"It is," He says, leaning in. "All I've ever wanted."

You ignore the latter half of his comment as he finally goes to kiss you again.

He pulls your body close to him as you do. Until your chest to chest, arms wrapped around the span of his shoulders as you press your lips together soft and slow.

He slides a hand underneath your top, undoing the clasp of your bra. He lets his palm stay on the center of your back while you keep kissing - straps of your bra falling down your shoulder as he splays his fingers to feel more of your skin and hold you. Hugging you close to him, his other arm wraps around your torso. His forearms feels especially strong they way they hold you by the waist.

You're so close to him. Kissing him so deep, his tongue sliding against your lips. Something about the kiss is languid but the touch is so hot it makes your skin burn. You feel wrapped up in him, can't even tell whose heartbeat you're hearing.

More of your weight ends up in his lap as you feel your knees go weak. Something hard presses against your clothed cunt and you gasp a little into his mouth.

"Oh, shit." You mumble in surprise. Umemiya laughs.

"You're making me feel good." He hums.

Your face heats up. "I barely did anything."

"You just being on my lap is more than enough."

You make a face at him before rubbing yourself over the zipper of his jeans, slow and deliberate trying to get a feel for it. You hear him moan, nearly jumping out of your skin in surprise.

The way Umemiya moans is a lot for you to process. Breathy and a little low. It resonates through your whole body like a caress.

You make a few more tentative passes over his bulge, just to hear him do it again. Driven by your instinct more than anything, you lean into kiss at his jaw - making use of the limited experience you do have to try and draw more sounds from him.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, still breathless. Maybe amused.

"Like the way you sound." You mumble in reply.

"I thought I told you I wanted to take care of you, hm?"

You frown. "So what? I can't touch you at all?"

He thinks on it. "You can touch me everywhere else and you can have your way with me later, if you want it. I don't wanna cum too fast."

"I'm just..."

He shakes his head. "You're underestimating me. I'm still a guy, you know? With a woman I love at that. There's no way I would make it through our first time if I didn't focus on you. Don't pout,"

Hearing him describe you in such an embarrassing way makes you flush. You roll your eyes half-heartedly. "Fine, whatever."

He smiles.

"Good girl. C'mere. Lay down."

You decide not to think about how effected the praise makes you as you comply.

Umemiya lays you down carefully, making sure you're comfortable before hovering over you. He looks a lot more imposing from this view - the dim lights of your room making his face seem more well-defined. Your nipples harden in arousal, peeking from underneath your shirt as he stares long and hard.

"You're so beautiful to me."

He leans down and presses a hot kiss to your jaw, just underneath your ear before slowly kissing down your neck. Open-mouthed kisses along delicate skin, tongue sliding over every patch he scrapes lightly with his teeth. You fidget underneath him, a dull throbbing between your legs. You try to figure out what to do with your hands but you’re too nervous.

He kisses your throat where it's extra sensitive and you bite back and involuntary noise.

"Don't hold your voice, please?"

"It's embarrassing,"

"It's not," He assures, bumping his forehead to your shoulder lightly. "I want to know what makes you feel good. Let me pay attention to you."

You frown but nod ultimately.

Umemiya isn't the first sexual encounter you've had in your life. You've done other things, but you've never really gone all the way with anyone. All of your other partners were mostly strangers - people mutually interested in using someone else to try and get off.

This is the first time anyone has taken this much time with you. A little kissing and groping, sometimes touching your chest.

No one's ever touched you like this, though.

His hands feel like they're all over your body no matter where they actually end up being. Makes your heartbeat rain drumming on a tin roof. Makes your stomach tingle, a heat in your calves and a prickly feeling on your back. Your whole being drowning with pure anticipation.

"Take this off for me." Umemiya mumbles. You nod, feeling absent as you wiggle yourself out of your tight little tee and toss it somewhere.

The air shifts again when you're naked. His eyes drink you in, tracing the soft lines and edges of your body. Looking over scars and stretchmarks with pure, blown out wanting that shoots lust straight into your veins.

You want him to fuck you so bad it's killing you but the very thought makes you feel so shy you could die.

"You're beautiful," Sounds dirty the way he says, makes it spill from his lips like wine tipping over a glasses edge. "Perfect. Every inch of you is so perfect."

He proves this to you by kissing you again. Running his hands over your skin. Up against curved sides and down against your arms, brushing the back of your biceps and forearms.

Infatuation in his touch ruins you. Makes your voice let out. You can't think of anyone whose treated you so preciously in your entire life and you find you don't resent it as much as you should.

(You find it feels so good to let someone touch you so kindly. A touch like you're being loved.)

Nonetheless it's embarrassing. Of course it is.

But it's so hard not to feel pulled in when you feel the way he kisses you. Draws a trail with his lips and tongue from jaw to shoulder blade - kissing down your biceps with his hands on your body, taking gentle inhales of your scent.

Anticipation makes your stomach tie in knots but finally he relents. Both hands squeeze the soft weight of your chest, palms brushing your hardened nipples.

"Fuck."

He laughs a little, heavy with want. "Yeah? Do you like being touched here?"

"Mm." Is the best reply you can get out.

He brushes against the tips with his fingers in a feather-light gesture, testing the waters before rubbing with a little more pressure. Your body jolts from the stimulation, wetness pooling and dampening your underwear. He leans in and takes one of your nipples into his mouth making another dull wave of lust wash through you.

And he makes sure to pay attention to both. It's just like him to be so attentive to some shit like that. Your spine arches as he sucks on your sensitive nipples, letting his tongue flick across them and giving into a sweet friction. You buck your hips up against instinctively, gripping onto the sheets as your sense of restlessness grows.

Your voice is whiny to your own ears but you can't calm down to save your life.

"You're taking too long," You huff. He laughs lightly, looking up at you from underneath his lashes.

"Don't be impatient." He tsks.

"It's enough already,"

He shakes his head. "Nope. Still got a long ways to go. Promise you'll have me when you're ready for it, so just try and focus on feeling good."

You make a frustrated sound. "It's embarrassing being the only one feeling good,"

He pauses before standing up on his knees. He takes his black t-shirt off in one swift go until his torso is bare, and undoes the top button of his pants. He gives you a little glance. "Better?"

There are too many layers of that to process in the moment it happens. You mumble. "A little,"

He beams. "Good. Now let me take good care of you,"

Sliding down lower, he kisses you from sternum to navel. Hands gripping at the softness of your sides, smoothing over the bare skin as he his thumb finds the waistband of your skirt. He glances up at you, silently seeking your permission. You nod back at him, watching him slide the short skirt away from your waist.

The sudden air feels cool against your skin. He presses his cheek against your belly, both hands on your hips..

"You're gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than I thought. I feel so lucky being able to touch you when you're this perfect.” He praises endlessly.

You cover your face with your arm.

"Ugh. Quit it. You're sayin' too much."

"Seeing you get so shy when I praise you a little is so cute." He trails his lips down further and further - just above your sex before stopping. "You're so cute."

He sits back, standing up and bending your legs slightly at the knee. You hold the position as you feel him massage your calve. Thumb drawing hard circles in the muscle, slowly working his way up to your knee. He kisses you afterwards trailing the same spot his hands were touching seconds ago before moving onto the other side.

There's nothing you can call it short of worship. The nagging feeling that it's undeserved is washed away each time Umemiya holds your gaze.

Devotion colors every touch no matter how small. And it’s so obvious, so prominent - it feels outright wrong to deny the fact it’s there.

You think the closest thing you can compare it too is the way Umemiya gardens. A patience as his fingers root through earth and soil, a kindness towards delicate things that makes even hours of work under the sun look beautiful and easy. His expression is what's most uncanny - what makes you you feel so hot.

An expression that says he loves doing it from the very bottom of his heart - not even a hint of apathy or complaint.

A face that says he loves every long, drawn out motion and actions of repetition all fro the very core of him.

Having it directed at making love to you so blatantly makes you more aroused than you know what to do with. You don't know how to let yourself be treated like the most cherished flower in Umemiya's garden - and you aren't so sure how you're meant to get used to it no matter how much it makes you feel...nice. You don’t have any other experience.

Which is why you're trying to be patient. Trying to be at least temporarily secure in whatever he sees in you that makes him worship every inch of you, memorizing all your ins and outs.

Umemiya places hot, wet kisses on your inner thigh before laying himself between your spread legs - breath barely hovering over your sex.

By the time he gets there, you feel utterly melted into your sheets. Your mind is hazy, impatient and wanting as strong hands secure your thighs. He's so close.

"I wanna eat you out. Is that okay?"

"If you don't do something soon I'm gonna kill you."

He laughs warmly. "I'll take that as a yes."

You pause. Umemiya waits.

"I didn't uh," You clear your throat. "Wasn't planning on getting laid so y'know. Haven't shaved in a while."

"Were you worried that I'd change my mind? I like it for the record. Feels natural." Umemiya says. "It's your body so there's nothing I would dislike about it."

"You're too much." You reply back in earnest. You cover your face with your arms. "So cheesy."

"I'm being serious." He says suddenly solemn with how sincere he is.

The sudden change is amusing. You pause before breaking into genuine giggles, unable to help yourself.

"You're really somethin', yknow that?"

He's quiet for a long time. Long enough for it to catch your attention, turning your gaze more clearly towards his face. Swiftly, he pushes himself up to catch your mouth in another kiss. It stuns you a bit, very different to all the rest. More teeth and tongue than lip.

"I like you," He murmurs, forehead to yours. "How can someone be so cute?"

"Would you quit embarrassing me and get on with it?"

He smiles. "As you wish,"

Umemiya settles back down between your legs after easing your panties off and putting your feet flat on the bed to give himself more access. You can barely look down at him doing it. His fingers brush the slick hairs back gentle as he uses his thumbs to spread your pussy apart and look at you more intimately.

You can feel him. Feel his every breath and movement. He stares at you awestruck. "How is all of you so pretty? Even here it's such a beautiful color."

"Stop looking so much,"

He takes a breath, taking in your scent one more time before pressing a kiss to your clit. You make an attempt to squirm away from his grip as his finger dig into your thighs and hold you down. The strength of it knocks the wind out of you, forcing you into place. Umemiya pushes his tongue and gives you a long, tentative lick through the seam of your cunt.

Your whole body breaks out into shivers at the sensation. The warm weight of his tongue on your sex makes feels like an electric current through water - your toes curling as he makes the same few passes over and over. He collects your pooling arousal on the tip as he drags upwards and flicks your clit tentatively. You grind against his face instinctually, hips chasing the pleasure. Amused laughter vibrates against your core as you do, mumbling at you to be patient while he's still face deep in it.

You let out another pitchy whine before he finally stops teasing. He lays his tongue flat against your clit, cupping it lightly before drawing it around experimentally. He watches carefully as he plays around with pressure and angles - trying to see what makes you react the most. You can feel how closely he's watching you.

You cover your mouth with your hand when he does find it, your voice breaking off as he licks carefully right where you need. He smiles into your cunt as he toys with your with the sensitive bundle of nerves, pleased by the change in your reactions. The obvious pleasure he's making you feel.

Something blooms into your chest. You've never—

"You're—" You close your eyes, hands tangling in the sheets as you break out into a fever. "Ngh, never had someone l-lick me,"

He must've heard you because he seems to laser in his focus the minute you say it. He's lapping at your clit so deep, licking precisely and holding you with nose against your bush.

You reach down tentatively, pushing back the hair falling in his face and he gives you a look so lovesick you want to run away. The pressure changes gradually, more intensely.

It feels better somehow. Makes you feel restless. Your whole body curls in tight with want at the sensation of it, the lower expanse of your belly tensed. You're shaking as you drift closer to the edge, arousal upped by the wet sound of him sucking your clit.

"Hajime," You warn, spine starting to arch as you helplessly try to pull away from the intense sensation. It's not familiar to your body, so much so your mind can barely make sense of what's happening to it, "Cumming—c-cumming!"

Something in you goes undone as Umemiya keeps pace during your orgasm. All the tension inside of you suddenly comes loose - specks of white matter behind closed lids as you screw your eyes shut. Your back curves up into arch, your hips trembling, your insides pulsing. It comes running into you, crashing into your body as waves of pleasure drown out the noise in your head. He eats you out until you feel borderline hysterical.

You feel melted and reshaped by him - yanking him off when he continues to be insistent after you're too oversensitive. He laughs when you pull him away, resting against your thigh as you take worn out heaving breaths.

He kisses the inside of your knee as you calm down, bright smile on his features - painted pink with a slight flush. "You came. I'm so happy."

You look at him in shock. "You're a scary guy."

He pushes up to kiss your temple, voice soft. "Did I scare you?"

Your stomach flutters, tucking your chin. "You were intense, but I didn't... hate it or anything."

"Yeah?" He grins, pressing a few kisses to your cheek and face before whispering against your ear. "Then, is it okay to go farther?"

You nod silently. Umemiya smiles.

He stands up on his knees, pushing his hair back as your eyes are drawn to his pants. You reach out for the waistband of his pants unthinkingly, hooking your finger into it. "Isn't it stuffy?"

He blinks, frozen before rubbing a hand across his face. "Ah a bit, but it's fine."

"Take 'em off. Please?"

Umemiya looks unusually distressed by the request, but follows through without another word. You watch him undress - revealing the tight black fabric of his boxer briefs snug against his waist. Your eyes go wide as you see the outline of his cock - head still half hazy. You voice your unfiltered reaction.

"Your dick is so big,"

He laughs breathlessly. "Are you trying to stir me up? What's with you?" He pauses to lay down besides you. You turn to lay on your side and face him a little better. "You're being cute. I'm not used to seeing you so docile."

"Shaddup," You reply half-heartedly. Your body is still on fire but it knocked the wind of you to cum once already. "Your fault."

He grins, a hint of smugness as he laughs. "That's true."

"You gonna fuck me?"

"Mm, yeah. Gotta open you up first or it'll hurt."

"I've put stuff in before. Toys. Should be fine."

"Still wanna play it safe. It's your precious first time after all."

You make a face before pulling him into you, hugging him tight as your whole body breaks out in a shameful flush. "Then hurry up and do it already."

His arms slide underneath where your laying, holding you to him as he hikes one of your legs up. He slides his free hand in over your leg - his forearm holding your thigh. You press your face to his neck and shoulder - hiding your expression. "Guess I should huh? You were always impatient,"

You can barely tell him to shut up, the way your body waits for it. A warbled little noise leaves your mouth as he slides his middle finger through the sticky folds of your cunt - careful as it catches on your hole. Wet and so aroused, the first finger he puts in goes in completely smoothly with no real effort

Umemiya speaks low and soft as he holds you. "I don't know if I can get used to seeing you like this. I'm glad no one else but me ever wil You’re really all I think about lately," He catches the lobe of your ear between his teeth gently. Your head spins. "People misunderstand you because you're prickly, you know? For a long time, only I knew what it felt like to be liked by you. I liked that,"

"Why are you—mmgh,"

He slides another finger in carefully after the first one slides inside of you with no resistance. His voice is so hot against your skin, the low bass of it in your skull as he speaks so close to your ear.

"Don't get me wrong I'm happy seeing you with so many people surrounding you. But I was a little sad too. And it kept getting worse over the years until I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t figure out why for a long time and then it clicked,” Umemiya explains. You realize half way delirious this is his real confession. God, you’re gonna kill him. “Suddenly it was all I thought about. I wanted to be special to you. I wanted to monopolize you. It was my first time having thoughts like that,”

Another finger slides into you easily. Umemiyas fingers are so much bigger than yours. Thicker than they are long. The stretch is enough to make you gasp.

“Hajime—“

He curls them up, careful until he finds the spot he’s looking for. Your body reacts, another sensation of pressure as his middle finger rubs tenderly against your gspot. You weakly try to wiggle away as he holds you firm.

“I felt a little guilty, too. You’re my very best friend. You’re independent and diligent. Tough. But you know, when I saw you for those few months - all I could think about was how much I wanted to spoil you,” He whispers. Something in your body shifts the way touches you. Pushes in further and further - stretching until it’s easy for him to be inside. “Somehow everything I liked about you became so cute I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t help but want to dote on you over every little thing even though I knew better than anyone you didn’t need something like that.”

Your eyes well up but not necessarily from emotion. Totally overwhelmed. You don’t feel like you’re gonna cum but there’s something else that’s waiting and each time he thrusts his fingers into you it comes a little closer. Your voice is shaking.

“It—fuck, quit talking. Somethings gonna—“

His smile grows a little. It’s the first time it looks so hungry.

“I was happy in general when I realized you liked me too. Even when you were being stubborn, I liked the way you couldn’t turn me away. I liked how happy you looked talking to me as usual as if that alone was something so precious,” He hums, so focused and precise as he stretches you open on a third finger but never once losing his train of thought. Like saying all of these comes to him so easily it doesn’t matter. “I didn’t want to corner you. But it felt like I couldn’t rest until you were mine completely. Which is why I’m being so unfair to you. Why I’m so persistent. ”

Your voice breaks on a whine. “It’s gonna come out—“

“You make a pretty face when your heads filled with nothing but me. I don’t think it’s bad to wanna stay that way,” He hums, almost conversational as he presses a kiss to your skin. “Go on. Let go,”

Something hot sprays between your legs as Umemiya fucks you open on all three of his fingers.

A rush of warm liquid squirts onto your sheets as your legs shake wearily. Umemiya marvels at the mess. Your hands curl into fists, nails digging in your palms as he finally pulls them out - leaving you stretched, almost gaping.

You lay limp in soaked sheets as you pull away from Umemiya with a very weak glare.

He’s smiling at you, dopey and lovesick.

“Too much?”

Angrily, you smack at his bare chest over and over, trying to recover your pride.

“You’re insane. What’s,” You swallow thickly. “What’s with you.”

He shrugs. Wordless, he flips you onto your back again before hovering over top of you. Pressing his forehead to yours, he brushes your noses together and plants a tentative peck on your lips as if trying to gauge whether or not you’re upset. He melts when you kiss him back, smiling happily.

“Were you like this with your other girlfriends? No wonder they broke up with you,”

He laughs. “Mm, no? I was more of a gentleman.”

You break out into another exhausted fit of laughter.

“Pfft, yeah? Guess I’m pretty special,”

“Yeah. You are.” He kisses you again. “Wanna keep going or are you too tired? I don’t mind if we sleep.”

“Stupid. I said it already didn’t I? Hurry up and fuck me.”

“Okay, okay. Let me go get the condom from my wallet,”

You wrap your legs around his waist and stare up at him plainly as he tries to move, keeping him pinned in place. You’re frowning, brows furrowed with a hard glare. He stares at you.

“Did you want something else? Water?”

“Want you to fuck me,” You restate, arms reaching up to circle around his neck. “Just do it already.”

He pulls back to look at you seriously.

“Do you know what you’re asking?”

You flush. “Of course I do. Stupid. Are you trying to get me to say it out loud?”

“I might think I’m deluding myself otherwise.”

You sigh, looking at him flatly as you try to tamp down the part of you that’s screaming to be more tactful.

“Don’t bother with the condom, a-alright? Or pulling out,”

He looks like he’s experiencing the shock of his life. “But…”

“Stop being dumb or I’m never gonna have sex with you again.”

He nods suddenly solemn. “Fine. But,”

You give him another look that silences him. He sighs again, getting the message before kissing your cheek and pull back to sit up on his knees between your legs. Pulling his briefs down, his cock springs free. It looks a lot bigger than you saw underneath the fabric, weighed down from it’s own weight even though it stands up stiff. He opened you up with three but you wonder if it’ll be enough not to stretch you open.

You reach your hand out to touch it tentatively, feeling it’s weight and heft. He clears his throat but seems content to let you. The palms of your hands cup the shaft, feeling all the veins pulse. The tip is sticky with precum. You pull your hand away, another sudden wave of self consciousness overwhelming you.

Umemiya hovers over you again, placing he length of his cock against your pussy. You shift a little feeling it slide against you, hard and hot.

“Gonna put it in now, okay?”

Nodding, you put your legs up. You take a deep breath when the head pushes in, letting out an involuntary noise. You feel well-stretched but the thickness of his cock is still enough to make you feel it in your legs. Umemiya is focused above you, barely sliding the tip through your folds as you open up around him. The air feels punched out of your lungs on just the first inch.

His face is strained is he holds his hips steady, leaning down to tap your foreheads together. “Feeling okay?”

“Mm,” You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fine. Feels different.”

“Different?”

“Yours is bigger than all the stuff I own,” You explain. “Feels hotter. Harder, too.”

You feel his cock twitch inside of you suddenly, shocking you. He smiles sheepishly.

“Gonna push in a little more, okay?”

You nod, watching as Umemiya so slowly presses his cock into you further. Enough that it doesn’t hurt when you take him, as much as it just feels like something is inside of you. You feel a warm sense of satisfaction at how full you feel. You feel like him like he’s in your stomach, taking up so much space. After a while of pushing, stopping, and going again - he finally bottoms out.

“You feel incredible,” He murmurs, half-smile on his face. Your stomach flutters. “It’s hard not to cum right away. Feels so good inside of you. I love you.”

You feel yourself twitch, frowning at the expression of delight Umemiya has. You put your hand against his fact to keep him away but he kisses your palm and moves it. Bottomed out, he grasps both hands and holds them - pinning them to the bed as you watch him wide-eyed.

“Think you’re used to it?” He hums, clasping your fingers together. “Is it okay if I move?”

You feel so damn bashful. “It’s okay.”

He kisses your forehead. “I’ll go slow.”

As promised, Umemiya pulls out carefully before pushing back into you. You’re so wet that it slides in without any real friction. It takes a few thrusts of him going slowly for your body to get adjusted to the sensation. After a few motions, though - it starts to feel different.

Starts to feel good. Really, really good.

“Oh,” Your eyes flutter open. “Shit. You c-can go faster.”

“Yeah?”

You nod, trying not to seem too eager.

When Umemiya picks up pace, you feel your the whole lower half of your body weaken all over again. Something in your legs, your spine go soft against the bed underneath, a sudden unusual arousal swelling. Somewhere in deeper as he cocks thrusts against your gspot, knocking against it with more force than before. The change in pace coupled with the visual of Umemiya over you, face drawn together in focus as he fucks you is too much. Split open on his cock, you can hear how wet you are each time he moves.

“Feels…” Your words come up empty. “’s so much.”

“Yeah? Is it too much for you, baby?”

You shake your head as your thoughts get increasingly cloudy. It’s like there’s nothing else your body can focus on. The way his cock drags against your sensitive, silken walls. The feeling of being full to empty and then full all over again. The way your pussy gets so much wetter each time he moves, sloppy and sucking him in so tight. You can feel your body want for him.

Umemiya lets go of your hands, sliding one between your bodies. Palm resting on your sex, he lets his brush against your clit. The difference it makes is significant, makes your eyes go wide. He smiles a little, hair falling in his face as he pushes it up with his free hand.

“That’s it,” He hums, contented to keep at it like this. “Feels good, right? Your holding onto me so tightly it’s hard for me to pull out even though you’re so wet.”

You make a whiny noise and wonder if other peoples first times feel this good or if you’re just outrageously lucky. You decide on the latter he fucks you faster and matches his thrusts with the movement of his fingers. You’re warm all over - skin scorching as your hands find his biceps and shoulders to cling onto.

Your voice is so whiny when you call out for him “You’re so deep, ngh.”

He laughs, deep and raspy. “Yeah? Tell me what you’re feeling,”

“It feels good when you’re in me.” You reply drunkenly. “Want it faster. Please,”

He complies with your request almost immediately. You cry out loud, physically incapable of holding the sound in as he gets to fucking you faster and harder. Your pussy is throbbing. Senselessly horny, you pull Umemiya closer to you as he fucks you and smash your lips together. You feel so good, so thoroughly fucked and completely out of it. He’s in you but you want him even closer, want the scent of his skin to mark you.

A second time your body builds up to that familiar feeling but it’s so much farther inside. An orgasm pulled right from your core. Stomach tied in knots as Umemiya fucks you hard, you wrap your legs around his waist and take him.

“That’s it. You’re so good. Cum on my cock, sweet girl. Let me feel it” He murmurs against your skin, holding you close. “You’re making me feel so good. So cute. Go ahead, it’s okay. Let me see how good I’m making you feel.”

Pliant to his request, you hold onto Umemiya for dear life as your body gives into second orgasm. Your nails dig into his biceps as the built up arousal gives way pleasure - and you cum hard with his cock sheathed all the way inside of you. All the wind gets stolen from your lungs as you press forward with another kiss, your whole body trembling violently as you let go.

Umemiya sweet talks you through without letting go once, only stopping to take a pause when you’ve fully ridden out your high.

You stare up at him in a daze as he takes a breather to kiss you, still hard as he’s bottomed out inside of you.

“You gonna cum soon?”

“Mm,” He nods. “Yeah I’m close. If I move, I will.”

“’s okay to cum in me,”

Umemiya laughs warmly. “I’m already about too. You’re not helping,”

You smile a bit as you hug him close to you and tell him again that it’s fine. Before long, he holds you too, whispering the same three words into your neck as he finally lets it out. It’s a weird feeling, thick white ropes of seed spilling into the deepest parts of you.

You don’t really hate it, though.

“I love you,” Umemiya repeats. Tired you don’t try to fight yourself.

“Love you too,”

The next morning, you’re stirred away by the sound of your front door unlocking and the sound of Kotoha’s voice echoing through your apartment.

You’re still half-way asleep, so it barely dawns on you that anything is off. Not cognizant enough to think twice, your body tries to go back to sleep.

Or it does until you hear a very loud shout coming from your kitchen that wakes you up with a start.

“No fucking way,”

You sit up suddenly, hearing faint conversation before the sound of steps barreling towards your door. You just barely manage to pull the sheets up over your chest before she comes storming through the door of your bedroom.

You watch her eyes scan your entire room, mentally collecting data before she finally lands on you. As your brain starts to load back in, your eyes go wide with horror at the look of pure scandal on her face.

Fuck. You were supposed to be having dinner with her and Tsubaki tonight. Usually you confirm with them in the mornings since your up. It’s not uncommon for her to drop in when you don’t reply to check in since you live close by.

Fuck.

“You—Oh, I have to text Tsubaki-chan, I can’t believe—“

Before she gets to finish her sentence, Umemiya appears behind her in your door way. The sight of him only adds fuel to the flame of your embarrassment. You went another round or two before bed last night and it looks like it too. Shirtless in sweats he left over a while ago, his biceps are covered in scratch and with a few hickies, he’s wearing his hair down with a cup of tea and a very apologetic smile.

You cover your face with your hands unsure of how to deal with the feeling of pure mortification.

Kotoha snaps a picture of your room that causes even more distress.

“If you don’t delete that right now, I’m gonna kill us both.”

“In your dreams.”

Umemiya laughs warmly. “Please don’t kill each other.”

He slides past Kotoha coming over to you. Bending down to kiss your forehead, he pulls the blanket up over you so you’re more well-covered. You give him an incredulous but Umemiya is unfazed - smiling as bright as ever.

“Good morning,”

“I can’t believe my eyes,” Kotoha says. She points at Umemiya. “You, go put on a shirt.”

“Fine, fine. Stay for breakfast,” Umemiya says with a smile. “It’ll be nice having it with my two favorite people.”

You make another face as Umemiya gives you a long, affectionate look before disappearing. She sighs as she looks at you, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“I would ask if you’re gonna meet us for dinner but you don’t have a choice anymore so show up at seven. I’m gonna leave before that tactless idiot comes back. We’ll talk later.”

You nod in understanding. She turns to leave but then turns back with a genuine smile.

“And, well - congrats. He’s a tactless idiot but he does love you or whatever. Cherish each other,”

You flush, nodding your head. “Yeah…thanks.”

With that Kotoha leaves quickly. Umemiya returns still shirtless, pouting a little when he notices she’s gone.

“She left already?”

“Of course she did. I can’t believe you would invite her for breakfast.”

Umemiya shrugs. “No point being coy about it. I thought it’d be nice. I was looking for a shirt but I guess I don’t need one now,” He sits besides you on the bed, turning to face with a goofy smile. “Anyways, good morning.”

“You already said that.”

“You didn’t say it back,”

You frown. “G’morning,”

He smiles suddenly before grabbing you from underneath the blankets and sheets - pulling your naked body ontop of him as he grins. Sunlight pours through the window as he holds you to his chest, kissing the crown of your head before pressing his cheek into your hair.

“Mm, yeah. It’s a really good morning after all.”

“You’re stupid.”

“And you love me,”

You fail trying not to smile. Damn him. You're so happy it hurts. You roll your eyes.

“I guess so.”

#windbreaker x reader #umemiya x reader #windbreaker smut #umemiya smut #writing tag #umemiya hajime x reader #umemiya hajime smut #bro #im sorry if there are still typos i edited this so much

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evren-d · 3 months ago

Text

I second this motion

if sevika dies in s2 i am MASSACRING THE GOVERNMENT

#not that I’m government or anything #I swear I’m just overly formal #my dad was a lawyer but that’s not my fault #so off topic omg all I meant was YES I ALSO WILL MASSACRE THE GOVERNMENT #Sevika #arcane #and jsut because I don’t want Sevika to die doesn’t mean I don’t want to fuck up the gov #also she has driven me to distraction #I can’t live my life properly anymore knowing she’s out there #looking hot as fuck #and I’m not in her arms #if she died and we massacred the government #what would I lose but problems?#is there anything so undoing #as a Sevika

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suguru-getos · 5 months ago

Note

thoughts on yan!sukuna truly breaking reader like in yan!gojosugu except shes just lifeless not wanting to die just soulless...?

Warnings: It’s Sukuna I feel like his name itself is a warning LMFAOO 😭 Sukuna killin’ people- some sexual themes, belittling, gory themes. Idk what else to add, he’s just an asshole but if you squint really hard and become delulu you’ll find him almost caring. 😼✋✨

The crimson, bloodied, grotesque sight in front of her was enough to cease any palpitations & cries for help. She knew, there was no one coming to help her. Not when the King of Curses had taken her under his wing. Her pupils have dilated in fear, goosebumps rising as her instincts clasp at her very bones. Run, run, run… these words scream out of her inner psyche when her eyes glaze over the massacre.

One of the people among them, leg butchered & bleeding to death she’s sure, crawls over to her form. She’s against the corner, feet curled up against her knees. “Please— please— help me.” The injured man groans in gut-wrenching pain. The monster who has taken control of her holds him by the legs and rips him in half in front of her. She doesn’t even flinch. “That makes it last.” Sukuna’s unforgiving voice echoes. Of course, she was punished for running away to ‘her’ people. Sukuna is going to make sure there are no more people to run to.

Her heart aches, somehow she feels with the entirety of her being, that she’s responsible for the entire village’s annihilation. A soft parting of her lips, followed by a tremble echoes. “Yes. Last one.”

The way she doesn’t cower anymore, acceptance… she’s accepted her life to be living hell. “That’s all that comes out of your mouth? Useless Mutt.” Sukuna snarls, at least he felt amused with her cowering & her squealing like a scared puppy.

“Sorry, Sukuna Sama. Won’t run again.” She has a deep gash on her forearm when Sukuna flicked his fingers in air, sheer annoyance of her disobedience and his technique didn’t lay any mercy. She has healed from that, but the gash still looks dreadful. That was the time Sukuna truly realised that a single human without powers is a nuisance. You can’t even teach them a lesson properly or their poor heart will give out & they die. Pathetic. It makes no sense how someone so frail, weak, delicate is so fucking beautiful.

Standing in front of her was an eight feet tall, monster with four arms. Calcified eyes, and a mouth on his belly. The mouth on his belly frowned, unhappy with the non-dramatic & non-theatrical reaction. “You have nowhere to run to now, Kozõ.” Sukuna reminds, a sinister smile spreading across his features.

“Yes, you have established that, my Lord.” She sighs, not even tears could wash away the sediments of her anxiety anymore. “I should get up, the blood is really making me queasy.” She nods, looking up at him. Small and insignificant in front of the most powerful being in the universe.

Uraume comes in, bowing in front of Sukuna and her. “Greetings, Sukuna sama. Greetings, Y/N san.” They have been ever so supportive, mainly because their lord is glad by it. Even though he doesn’t show it. They understand it, how Sukuna behaves a little more happy when she is happy. “Let me help you with the shower.”

The shower is extravagant. It’s as if Sukuna laments for his actions with elaborate rituals like these. There are Epsom bath salts which help for the ache, dried lavender petals and candles around the tub. It would be her safe haven if she had been living a normal life. Unfortunately, this does not help. Not when its her heart that’s aching. Bath salts wouldn’t soothe it.

“You shouldn’t have run away.” Uraume hums, trying to break the suffocating silence. “I know.” She hums, watching how they help exfoliate the grime and the dirt. “Those people… they angered him. They tried to give you refugee.” Uraume adds, pouring some water over her hair. Her eyes close, she forces herself to be mindful. To be present in the moment.

“I know.” She carefully responds the well rehearsed response. Uraume scares her too, they could do may as well anything for Sukuna sama after all.

“A tip…” Uraume mumbles, unsure if the candidness they will present her with would have an appropriate response… “Please don’t create a scene at dinner.”

“Okay.” She nods, unsure at the sudden behavior. It’s not that behaving appropriately would get Sukuna to calm down. She knows Sukuna’s rage knows no bounds and is still simmering. “Either way, it’s not like you’ll suffer because of my shortcomings.” She emphasizes. That bit is partially true… sometimes when Sukuna feels the insurmountable frustration run through the very marrow of his bones… he uses Uraume for it. A limb short from them won’t harm him.

The dinner is served on gold plated utensils & plates. The chandelier made with crystals rising up & littering the big hall room with glow. Sukuna has taken over the rich Zen’in estate after coming to power. That’s how he grasped her anyway. Just his silly little human he didn’t want to kill so soon.

There is silence, throughout the table. The small tinkering of spoon against the bowl for eating, from her and her alone is the only sound that is heard. “Had a shower so you don’t reek of betrayal?” Sukuna’s tone is icy, he is still not happy with it. A visible gulp happens from her throat, swallowing all the fear to answer prim & properly. “I just wanted to go out-“

The next moment, the table breaks into two, her bowl breaks, the hot & bubbling chicken soup splayed across the floor, some of it falling on her thighs as she hisses. “Uraume, think she needs another shower.” Sukuna hums, getting away and leaving. Sigh. A life where she isn’t breathing sounds better. She’s whimpering softly in pain, sure to get a second degree burn. Reflexes make her stand up, haphazardly dancing on her silly two feet to prevent the ache.

Sukuna rolls his eyes, frail, disgustingly frail.

The next few days are a series of mundane routines & fight or flights. She wakes up, Uraume gets her breakfast, she scurries around the entire estate, reads, pretends she doesn’t remember what Sukuna did to the people who tried to help her. Fails. Trail of thoughts losing and bringing her right back to the sinking feeling in her tummy. Sukuna ripping the begging man in half was… not something she could erase from her memory.

Dinners with Sukuna, lunch with Sukuna. Sleeping with Sukuna. Naked. Sukuna doesn’t care about the word privacy, she is his human toy after all. He feeds her well, for what? Hiding her curves & her body? Sometimes she is able to sleep, curling up in a fetal position as Sukuna’s hard cock nestles between her ass cheeks. Sometimes she is forced to warm his cock to bed. The sheer girth of his cock alone is enough to make her cry at the burn. Pathetic body still getting wet at the administrations. Truly a toy, malleable to her master’s every wish and demand.

Today seems different, she enters the bedroom, watching Sukuna’s annoyed & predatory gaze lingering over. She knows what to do next, ridding herself off the robes and watching him. Predatory, his gaze has never been gentle since they met. “Crawl to me.” Sukuna hums, watching her shudder at the demand. Getting on her hands & knees, naked, she crawls up to him and looks up, a soft pout littered across her lips. Her anxiety has been especially unnerving today. Give up, her body screams to give up. “Your body is the only thing that’s getting you to live those extra breaths, you know?” Sukuna smirks, holding her up and making her settle on the bed. She nods, tears brimming across her cheeks. She cries again, weak sniffles erupting from her. To Sukuna, he finds it amusing. How her breasts jiggle a little with every sniffle and every tense of her shoulder. A small part of him wanting her to stop crying which he would never admit to himself.

“Maybe I will use those tears as lube for your cunt.” Sukuna hums, chuckling. He’s only joking. His observance has told him enough about how his human is doing. Something he would hate to admit, perturbed him. Maybe killing everyone in front of her was not such a good decision.

She has no resistance to Sukuna’s words, he could say whatever & do whatever. She doesn’t doubt the extent this demon could go pure amusement.

In Sukuna’s head, he’s caught in a weird dilemma. In his head, he thinks eventually, this will yield positive results. There would be a time when she would be done with this behavior of hers & accept him for who he is. He has improved— he hasn’t slept with another toy- woman. He hasn’t eaten human meat in front of her. These are things he has deliberately done just to make the estate look a little less haunting, feel a little less prickly…

“Can you please kill me, my Lord?” She begs, and that catches Sukuna off guard. Brows furrowed and jaw tense at the demand. She was always self-preserving… always. This new flavour of her peronality, he isn’t sure he could stomach it. Sukuna has intense control over his facial features, but the mouth in his stomach has a frown.

“Why? Didn’t I tell you, I decide who to kill?” He snarls, gritting his teeth and hand holding her throat. A threat, a simple threat that is supposed to make her realize that her words could have consequences. She just meets Sukuna’s gaze, broken beyond repair.

“Can’t do this ‘nymore.” She mumbled, lip quivering like a child who’s favorite candy’s been yanked off of their hands.

“Getting fucked? You can’t handle getting fucked?” Sukuna’s eye twitches in annoyance, he hasn’t been the worst of himself. He’s fully capable of ripping her womb apart just with the power of his thrusts. This is what he gets? Humans… seriously…

“Everything.” She communicates. “Sorry, Sukuna sama. Can’t really do this anymore.” She mumbles, tears reaching her jaw and coursing through the valley of her breasts. Sukuna’s belly mouth is quick to lap it up, a delirious expression over his face.

“Too bad, we’re going to make sure you can do this till the day you die.” Sukuna is pathetically upset. It’s the rejection… the way she would rather die than take the King of Curses? What a joke…

“Go to bed.” He hums, dismissing her and his hand shoving her to fall against the mattress. A weak whimper of hurt escapes her. Another reminder for Sukuna about just how delicate she is…

Sukuna Ryomen, the King of Curses, the most powerful being in the world, the most dangerous & sinister entity to ever walk this earth, was pouting, was overthinking about how his silly human pet can feel better…

While his silly human pet was losing her mind, crying through the whole night laying next to him. Every sniffle, every jolt of her body, everything feels annoying. Can she stop?

“If you hadn’t run away.” Sukuna continues, voice grim & unforgiving. He hates having to remember her actions. “Those people would be breathing.”

“Yes, my Lord.” Oh damn it! All he means is for you to not run away. “It’s not terrible for you, I’m sure you’re aware.” He adds on, leaning against the headboard.

“Thank you, my Lord.”

Rehearsed, timid, scared…

“What would you rather do if you were free?” Sukuna asks; not one to converse but hey — he wants to know.

That’s when she sinks, there is nothing that she wants to do. “There are some things I wouldn’t do, for example… this.” She signs at her naked body, and Sukuna rolls his eyes. What a pesky, and brave woman. Immediately telling him that she doesn’t want to be around him bare.

“Then let’s start there, if you don’t act grateful about it, then I will take it away from you.” Sukuna declares, watching the light in her eyes flicker just enough to bring a smirk to his face.

“Yes, my Lord.”

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violentdelightsandviolentends · 10 months ago

Text

Honey Girl. Chapter Seven.

chapter one. chapter two. chapter three. chapter four. chapter five. chapter six. chapter eight. chapter nine. chapter ten. series masterlist. the playlist.

Chapter Synopsis - Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. At least, that’s what you and Bucky keep telling yourselves.

Pairing - Dad'sBestFriend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader - soulmate au

Warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol consumption.

Word Count - 4.8k

Author's Note - I can only apologise for the delay on this one angels!! january blues, a crazy work schedule, writers block.. they all came to play at the same time. but chapter seven is finally here!! I hope you enjoy it. thank you for the continued love on this - words can’t describe how incredible it is.

as always, if you enjoyed this, please consider reblogging!! reblogs are the only way to circulate my writing, which generates more of it. feel free to send me a comment or an inbox, too!! thanks, my loves!! <3

Masterlist. Inbox.

“Why aren’t you more surprised?”

Stella simply shrugs, sipping her cappuccino as if she has all the time in the world.

“Babe, with all due respect… I’ve been waiting for you to initiate this conversation for like two months.”

You look at her incredulously, fiddling nervously with a chip in the handle of your coffee cup.

“…Why? How?”

She smiles softly, reaching for your hand across the table.

“You’re miserable.”

You take a deep breath, and then another. After the fifth one, you find the courage to meet her eyes.

“How did you know?”

“Because I know you. You’re a hell of an actress, I’ll give you that.”

“It’s not you-”

“I know. Hey, I know. You don’t have to explain yourself.”

“I do.”

She waits for you, patient as ever. You’d be lying if you said the guilt wasn’t eating you up, slowly but surely from the inside out. You feel like you’ve let her down, disappointing the one person who’s given you your dream.

You realise, suddenly, that you haven't told anyone the full truth about everything. Not your Mom, not your Dad, not Lacie. Your Tethering, Bucky, the move to California - all your feelings and emotions over the past how ever many months have been bottled up and stowed away on a shelf, never to be opened. But you have the urge, now, to unscrew the cap and pour it out across the table, regardless of the mess.

So, you do.

"It's not you. You've given me everything I could have ever wanted, Stel, and I couldn't be more grateful. You know that, right?"

She nods, squeezing your hand.

"It's just been hard... emotionally. So, I, the thing is, I just..."

You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.

"I'm Tethered. I have a soulmate, and he lives back home. We found out literally right before you called me and asked about the business. I couldn't turn you down, I knew that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I couldn't just let it pass me by. I knew we could do this, me and you, together. And I thought I’d be able to cope.”

You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.

“Being away from Bucky has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. It’s like… I can’t breathe properly without him. Food isn’t as flavourful, colours aren’t as bright, the sun isn’t as warm. The separation is actually having physical effects that I’m not sure I can handle anymore.”

You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.

“I’ve held out for as long as I possibly can. I was hoping that maybe it’d pass, that we’d get used to it and it’d all wear off. But it hasn’t. If anything, it’s worse than ever. The separation is ruining us both.”

You inhale. You hold it for five seconds. You exhale.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re going to tell me not to apologise, but I am. I’m sorry. You’ve given me everything and I’m just… quitting on you. I love this job so much, Stella. I can’t even find the words to describe how much. But I think either me or Bucky will break soon. And I have to prevent that from happening.”

You inhale.

Stella looks at you with so much compassion, you fight the urge to burst into tears.

You exhale.

“Listen to me, okay? You are one of the best damn bakers I have ever met in my life. No one in culinary school even came close to you. I always knew that I wanted you on my team, by my side, in my corner - in the kitchen, and everywhere else. But-"

You chew your bottom lip, wincing when you taste copper.

“We don’t have to be in each other’s pockets. We can be business partners and not see each other everyday. These are the joys of modern technology, babe. We can call, text, video chat, and then schedule in person meetings when we can. If anyone can make a cross country partnership work, it’s us. I mean, come on.”

The weight lifts from your shoulders, slowly but surely. A glowing, molten warmth trickles through your veins, hopeful and real and alive.

“And this,” she picks up your business plan, all printed and pretty. “This is air fucking tight. I’m not saying you picked the wrong career, but… business could definitely be your Plan B.”

You laugh, ignoring the way your voice cracks slightly, still choked with emotion.

“Babe, I was going to franchise the business eventually anyway. Sure, this is a little earlier than I first thought, but why the hell not? We’re successful, we’ve done so well… what’s stopping us? We know we can do this. And I trust you. So much.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, easing your death grip on her hand ever so slightly. “I thought I was gonna ruin everything.”

“You haven’t ruined anything, I promise you. This is a good thing.”

She thinks for a moment, lost in her own thoughts. Suddenly, she grins at you, nosy and mischievous.

“So a soulmate, huh?”

You groan, burying your face in your hands - but you can’t fight the smile that spreads across your cheeks.

“Yeah. It’s been… complicated.”

“He’s that super hot guy that came to see you, right? The one that looks like he could be a model?”

Laughing, you nod, making mental note to relay this to Bucky on the phone later.

“How did it happen? Was it like, a stranger on the street moment?”

“Nope,” you recall fondly. “We knew each other already. He’s my Dad’s best friend.”

Her jaw drops open, eyes flickering across your face.

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Holy shit, babe.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s amazing. Shit, no wonder you’ve been under so much stress. What did your Dad say?”

“He… doesn’t know.”

“What?”

“We need to tell him, I know we do, but it’s just so complicated. I’m worried that it’ll change everything, and not for the better.”

It’s been eating away at you, lately. The fact that your parents don’t know originally made perfect sense, but now? It’s been almost a year. You’ve never kept anything from them for that long. Now, you’re worried that you’ll never be able to undo the damage of lying and keeping secrets from the two people you always promised never to do that to.

"Look, I know I'm not exactly qualified to give out soulmate advice, but... you can't change this. It's literally been written in the stars. Your parents will understand, okay? But the longer you wait to tell them, the worse it'll be."

“Yeah. You’re right. It’s just - it’s tough. It’s gonna change everything, forever.”

“But isn’t that the beauty of it? It’s going to change everything, forever.”

You jump out of your seat and wrap your arms around Stella, holding onto her as tightly as you can. She hugs you back fiercely, speaking a thousand words without saying anything at all.

“Proud of you,” she murmurs into your hair.

“For what?” you laugh.

“Putting yourself first. Your health, your mental wellbeing, all of it. I know it wasn’t easy.”

“Love you,” you whisper, fighting back tears of relief.

“Love you too, my baker extraordinaire.”

You sit back down and take a breath, deep and full. Relaxing into your chair, you allow yourself to finally think about the next steps.

“So, I was thinking about going home and scouting out locations. I have that list of places that you read over in the business plan, but I thought of a couple more last night a few miles further out. I’ve pre prepped a few days worth of our best sellers, so you should be good without me.”

“Of course, babe. I’ve circled a couple where I really liked the look of the listings you’ve printed, and written a couple of notes for you to look over - just logistical stuff. Go back home, see your family and your soulmate,” she smirks, raising her eyebrows suggestively, “and just relax. God knows the stress lately has taken a couple years off your life. Please, get those years back on the beach or with your man or something.”

You laugh, shaking your head. She’s right, though. The stress has been resting stagnant in your muscles, tight and wound, making everything harder. You can’t wait to sit on the sand in Bucky’s arms and feel the tension melt from your body.

“You’re the best, Stella. You know that right?”

“So I’ve been told. Many, many times.”

Hours later, Bucky watches you on video call, laptop propped up on the dresser as you pack your bags excitedly. He hasn’t stopped smiling since he picked up, anticipation of the future lighting up his bones.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

You show up at your parents house without warning.

You thought about calling first, but decided it’d be much more fun to surprise them. It’s a Friday evening, and you know they’ll both be sat out on the back deck, drinking wine and recapping their weeks. It’s getting warmer on the East Coast, the sounds of spring and summer slowly filtering through.

Your Mom throws open the door, her face lighting up with glee.

“Babygirl!”

She throws her arms around you, rocking you back and forth so forcefully you’re worried you might fall over.

“My baby,” she exclaims, beaming grin almost blinding you. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“It’s kind of a long story. I’ll tell you all about it.”

She grabs your face in her hands, forcing you to look her in the eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You nod, smiling as the setting sun warms your back.

“Yeah, Mama. I am.”

She believes you. For the first time in a long time, you believe you too.

“Come on. Your Dad is gonna be so excited to see you.”

You leave your bags in the car, prioritising seeing the man who’s currently shaking his hips to the soft salsa music that’s playing.

“Nice moves, Casanova.”

He whips his head around, laughing when he sees you stood against the doorframe watching.

“You like em? I need a partner, babygirl! Come on!”

He grabs your hands, pulling you further into the yard so you have more space. You take up a terrible ballroom dance posture with him, cackling as he dips you backwards and almost drops you.

“Don’t kill my baby, please Jack!” your Mom calls from the kitchen window.

She returns with a glass of pink wine in her hand, gesturing for you to come and get it. Your Dad spins you over to her, steadying your shoulders when you trip over his shoes.

“It’s like The Universe knew you were coming to us tonight, darling. We opened the strawberry wine and everything.”

“My favourite.”

You get comfy on the loveseat, sitting across from your parents who are pressed together on the outdoor sofa. The wine is sweet and sugary and exactly what you needed.

“So, what are you doing here, kiddo?”

“It’s a little… complicated. But the good kind of complicated, I think.”

You start at the beginning. Well, almost. You leave out the part about finding Bucky, waiting for him to be with you when you tell that part of the story. You agreed that you’d talk to your parents about your relationship together, and you’re not about to break that promise. You do, however, explain everything else to them.

They listen carefully, nodding and smiling to let you know they’re still with you. When you talk about the difficulties you’ve faced, they wear matching frowns as your Mom fights back tears. Eventually, you sit in silence, waiting for their reaction.

“I wish you’d said something sooner.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I just… I thought I could do it on my own.”

“Honey, you never have to go through anything alone. That’s what we’re here for - we’re like, your built in therapists. Both me and your Dad would have happily listened if you’d called us, no matter the time or place.”

“Thank you. Both of you.”

“So this means you’re moving home?”

You nod, trying to contain the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

“Well it’s a good job we didn’t end up renting your apartment, huh?”

“You didn’t?”

“We thought about it, but it didn’t feel right. And we wanted to see you settle down in California first, just in case. I don’t either of us were ready to see someone else in that place. It’s yours.”

“You big softie,” you tease, nudging your Dad with your foot. He grabs it and squeezes, laughing when you squirm out of his grip.

“Well this is a cause for celebration, isn’t it?”

When you were younger, you used to get embarrassed that your Mom would throw parties for everything. Now, it’s one of your favourite things about her. She’s taught you to embrace the joy of the little things in life.

“What are you thinking, Mama?”

“Tomorrow night, a few friends. I’ll make a big paella, we can drink wine, play cards… what do you say?”

“Sounds perfect.”

And it does. The ease of being back home has calmed you down, untied the knots in your shoulders. You feel warmed by love, from the inside out.

You leave your parent’s house, promising to make a dessert of some kind for tomorrow. As you drive away, you suddenly realise that you’re headed in the wrong direction. You’re not going home. You’re going to the person that feels like home.

Bucky.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

He’s waiting for you on his front porch when you pull up.

“Hi, honey baby.”

“Hi, handsome.”

You launch yourself into his arms, savouring the warmth rolling off of him in waves. He smells like fresh linen and sea salt and all your future plans.

“You felt me coming, didn’t you?”

“From a mile off.”

He’s grinning, beaming in all directions.

“Good job it wasn’t a surprise visit, huh?”

“There’s no such thing anymore.”

“Good.”

He grabs your face in his work rough hands, gazing at you as if you’re the sun. You realise, suddenly, that you are. You are the one thing that his world revolves around. And he is yours. Forever.

“You gonna kiss me, Buck, or just stare at me, hmm?”

He chuckles before leaning in to press his lips to yours. You sigh in contentment and pull him closer by his shirt, tilting your head back to let him slip his tongue into your mouth. He tastes like scotch and spearmint, a perfect picture of his evening.

“Have you been drinking alone, cowboy?”

“Needed some liquid courage. Knew you’d come by.”

“I make you nervous, huh?”

The filthy smirk written across your face sends electricity crackling across his skin, the hairs on his arms standing up.

“Thought you’d have figured that out by now.”

“You’re really blowing up my ego, you know. I make the Bucky Barnes nervous. Who’d have thought?”

He shuts you up by kissing you again, snaking his hands around your back to plaster your bodies together. You tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging on it slightly.

“You’re letting your hair grow.”

“You like it long.”

You stop for a moment, watching his face carefully.

“Yeah. I do. How’d you know?”

“You pull it more when it’s long. Can feel how much you like it.”

“You’re a menace,” you laugh. “How about you take me inside, and I’ll show you just how much I like it? Unless you wanna give your neighbours front row seats…”

He chuckles and shakes his head before throwing you over his shoulder, laughing harder when you start shrieking. He carries you over the threshold, a beautiful prediction of years to come.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

You and Bucky spend the evening in his kitchen with the windows open, watching the setting sun. The gentle ocean breeze flows through the room, tussling Bucky’s chocolate brown hair and glinting off the ice in his rocks glass.

“You want me to come with you tomorrow, when you scout locations? I’ll be your chauffeur, if you like.”

“What about work?”

“I’m the boss, baby.”

“So you keep reminding me.”

He kicks you lightly under the table, laughing when you stick your tongue out at him.

“Yeah, Buck. I’d love it if you came with. You can use your contractor knowledge and help me out.”

“It’s a date. You want me to bring my clipboard? Tape measure? Mechanical pencil?”

“You gonna bring your talking machinery too, Bob The Builder?”

Bucky stands from his chair and pulls yours out, wrapping his arms around your waist and picking you up. He spins you around before putting you down and dragging you up the stairs, kicking his bedroom door open.

He throws you onto the bed unceremoniously, chuckling when you almost bounce off. You toss your shirt at his face, before shucking off your jeans and doing the same thing. He catches them with ease, winking at you before undressing himself.

He crawls up your body, kissing any skin he can find as he goes. He starts at your ankle, before moving to your knee, your thigh, your hip, your stomach, your chest, your neck, and eventually your lips. You’re almost shaking, alive with the anticipation of having every inch of Bucky pressed against you.

“Tell me what you want, baby,” he rasps into your ear. “I’ll give it to you. Anything.”

“Just want you.”

“Need to get you ready first,” he murmurs, fingers trailing between your legs. His breath hitches when he feels how wet you are.

“Oh honey,” he groans. “You been like this all night? Hmm?”

“Since I first saw you waiting for me.”

He groans again, resting his head in the crook of your neck.

“Please, Buck. Just wanna feel you.”

Who is he to deny you when you ask so damn pretty?

“You’re killing me,” he mutters against your skin.

Bucky slides into you with one smooth thrust, biting down on your shoulder as he does it. You shudder at the feeling, and at the thought of having the imprint of his teeth on you later.

You both gasp, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him in to you. You loop your legs around his waist, heels digging into his ass to press him even closer.

“Fuck me,” you choke out. “Need it, Buck.”

“My needy girl,” he chuckles lowly. “Gonna give you everything.”

Bucky retracts his hips before thrusting back into you, deep and full. You whine, and he’s convinced the sound will never be matched. It’s like angel song, rose tinted and heavenly.

He fucks you into the mattress, long, slow thrusts that make you want to cry a little. You’re not sure you’ve ever felt so connected to him - every single part of you touching his, bodies plastered together and souls intertwined.

He presses open mouthed kisses into the crook of your neck, right into your sweet spot. When he feels you getting close, he dances his fingers down your body and circles your clit, languid but precise. Your back arches as you find your release, clawing your nails down his back and locking your ankles around his hips.

“Oh fuck, honey - fuck.”

Bucky finishes with a shudder, sinking his teeth back into your shoulder. His raspy groans hit your ears just right, sweat dripping down onto your dewy skin.

“Love you, baby. Fuck, I love you.”

You’re both panting, trying to catch your breath as you come down from your highs.

“I love you too,” you giggle, pressing kisses to his damp forehead.

He collapses his weight onto you, chuckling when you groan. You push him off so he can lie next to you, strong arm thrown over your stomach as he pulls you in close.

You stay tangled for a while, letting the breeze from the window cool you both down. Bucky traces absentminded patterns across your back, rough fingertips sending goosebumps over your skin.

“I’m excited for tomorrow,” you murmur, keeping the volume low.

“Me too. Feels like a big step for our future, doesn’t it?”

“I just never imagined I’d have… this. You, the job I’ve always dreamed of… it doesn’t feel real. I mean, we’re going to look at places for a second location of my business. Who ever could have predicted I’d say that sentence?”

“Everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I told you that, that night on the beach. Before we knew. Remember?”

“I remember,” you smile, recalling that evening. You’d felt so inexplicably connected to Bucky that day. Little did you know what was to follow.

You fall asleep wrapped up in Bucky’s arms, warm and content.

You’ve never known happiness like it.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

The day flies by with Bucky by your side.

You’re a little out of your depth, admittedly. You don’t know much about real estate, or what makes a viable location for a bakery. But Bucky helps - explaining what to avoid, warning signs to look out for, checking out all of the boring stuff like gas mains and water pipes and backup generators. He never patronises you, even when you look at him like a deer in headlights. He clarifies himself when you become unsure, laying out explanations carefully and simply. He’s the perfect right hand man.

“You almost ready, honey?”

“Yeah Buck, give me one second!”

You walk into the kitchen where Bucky’s leaning against the counter, beer in hand. He’s in loose jeans and a linen button up, the white shirt beautifully showing off his tanned skin. He’s got several buttons undone, toned chest peeking through. He looks effortlessly perfect.

You stop in front of him, fixing the buckle on your sandals. You look up at Bucky to find him staring at you, open mouthed.

“You alright, handsome?”

“You look… you look - fuck, you look gorgeous.”

Heat rises up your skin, still so susceptible to his compliments.

“Thank you,” you whisper, leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” he chuckles into your mouth.

Bucky rests a hand against the base of your throat, pulling you into him. His other hand plays with the hem of your dress, your skin burning where his fingers brush. You kiss him back harder, groaning when he nips at your bottom lip. He sucks on your tongue, and your knees buckle.

You pull back suddenly, putting three feet of distance between you.

“We need to go.”

Your hair is tousled, chest rising and falling at a rapid pace as you try to regain your composure. Bucky smirks at you, laughing when you flip him off.

“Come on. My parents and paella await us.”

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

Your Mom has done it again.

Golden lights adorn the beams of the deck, the table littered with flowers and wine glasses begging to be filled. There’s already a few people scattered around the yard, chatting and laughing in the warm evening air.

“Oh baby, you look so beautiful.”

Your Mom engulfs you in a hug, pulling back to look at you from a distance. You’re wearing a yellow sundress, form fitting in all the right places. The skirt blows in the gentle breeze, fanning around you like an angels halo.

“This place looks amazing, Mama. I made you a tropical tart - it’s pineapple and coconut, with a mango coulis.”

“Oh, it’s gorgeous. I’ll put it in the fridge and get you some wine, honey. Buck, you want wine or beer?”

“Wine, please Lori. You need a hand?”

“If you’re offering,” she winks, laughing when he pokes her in the side as they leave towards the kitchen.

“Your father says you’re moving back home.”

You turn around to see Cora looking at you expectantly. You haven’t seen her since the incident that evening months ago.

“Uh, yeah. I love California, but I think I outgrew it after culinary school.”

She nods at you in faux sympathy, overbearing and sickly sweet.

“Aw, sweetie. Sometimes, things just don’t work out the way we hoped, huh?”

“Mhmm,” you hum noncommittally. “Yeah, I guess.”

You look for an exit, but she rubs your arm in support, pulling you back.

“I saw you today, you know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes! Down on Maple, by the corner. You were with Bucky.”

You freeze suddenly, blood running cold. You and Bucky are always affectionate, whether you mean to be or not. It’s just the way it is, being alongside your soulmate. Of course, Cora doesn’t know this. All she’s seen is you, out in town with your Dad’s best friend, looking cosier than platonic.

Your ears are ringing. You wonder, for a second, if you’re experiencing deja vu.

“Yeah, he… he has contracting experience. Just needed a second opinion. I’m no builder, after all.”

You force a laugh, willing the ground to swallow you up.

“You two are friends? You seem pretty close.”

She’s watching you, waiting for a reaction. You don’t give it to her.

“I’ve known him for a while, I see him often. He’s a good friend to my Dad, so you can imagine we know each other pretty well by now.”

“Yeah. It sure looked like it.”

You’re wracking your brain, trying to understand what she saw. Then it hits you.

On the corner of Maple is a florist’s, alive with blooming flowers and plants of every colour. You’d been admiring the tulips when Bucky had wrapped his arms around you from behind, whispering in your ear about how you’re the prettiest flower of all, honey.

There’s no running away from this. She’s caught you, in broad daylight.

“We’re friends,” you reiterate, praying for mercy.

You shoot her a fake smile before turning on your heel, making a beeline for the kitchen to find your Mom. When you get there, you gulp down your entire glass of strawberry wine, begging the sugar to lift your mood and calm your nerves.

The rest of the night goes off fairly smoothly.

You eat paella and fruit tart, drink wine, laugh with your parents and their friends. Bucky occasionally slips a hand beneath the table, squeezing your thigh in silent reassurance. You tangle your fingers with his for a moment before letting go, praying everyone else is none the wiser.

Every time Cora opens her mouth, your chest constricts a little. But she seems to have learnt her lesson somewhat, only speaking to tell obnoxiously long and tangent filled stories and offer comments no one asked for. Eventually, you all disperse from the table, making conversation elsewhere.

“What’s on your mind?” a low voice rasps in your ear.

You’re sat on the swing in the corner of the garden, watching the world go by. Bucky snakes his arm over the back of it, fingertips brushing your shoulder.

“Cora saw us today. Think she knows.”

“She’s a fucking nuisance.”

You laugh, the sound vibrating through Bucky’s bones.

“Yeah, she is. She’s also a gossip. She won’t keep her mouth shut for long if she thinks she’s sitting on something newsworthy.”

He thinks for a moment, taking a deep breath.

“So we tell them.”

You lean back into Bucky’s arm, inhaling the familiar scent of peace.

“We should do it as soon as possible.”

“How about tomorrow?”

You nod, biting your glossy lips.

“Yeah. We need to do it sometime, and we’ve delayed the inevitable for long enough. We’ll do it tomorrow.”

Bucky nudges closer to you, so your sides are pressed together.

“It’ll all work out the way it’s supposed to, honey girl.”

You smile gently.

“I know. I don’t think I believed you the first time you said that to me. But I do now.”

“You and me against the world, baby.”

“You and me against the world, Buck.”

It truly feels like it, at the moment. You and Bucky against the world.

tag list part one

@lillytracy6996 @securegorgon @roostersforevergirl @povlvr @val-writesstuff @dreadfulxives18 @1deadpool26 @abbygraceasd @nyutasgirl @mavrellover91 @winterslove1917 @f-this42 @skewedcherries @noisesinthedark @kandis-mom @black-cat-2 @harrystylesandthegoobs @vladsgirlxx @h0nestly-though @arienotari @nash-dara @wandaneedstherapy @galaxy-dusk @justherefortheficandsmut @cremebruleequeen @cjand10 @buggy14 @avengers-fixation @blueberrybambi @beautiful-loserr @sarah1barnes @miss-rebel-without-applause @ragingrainbowshipl @shamrockqueen @savemeroman @jenn-f @8crazy-freak8 @daddyjackfrost @openup-yourmind @adangerousbalance @mandijo17 @daddylorianisastateofmind @rcarbo1 @casa-boiardi @spideegwen @navs-bhat @mssbridgerton @asuni921 @middle-of-the-earth @mfrnchsk

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xcherricutie · 1 year ago

Text

➤ Messy

Vegeta x F!Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count - 1.5k

Summary - Vegeta is a clean freak with anger issues and pent up emotions, and decides to take it out on you for fun.

Notes: This is my first time posting here. I am from Wattpad, so I don't know tumblr etiquette, apologies.

“Your habits are disgusting and you’re a mess.”

He would follow you around and criticize you for what felt like hours on end. It was enough to drive anyone mad, and he did it to you on purpose. He was a man on a mission, out to make your life as miserable as possible. That’s just how it was, being acquainted with the prince of all saiyans. It didn’t matter if you tried to avoid him, he would find you, and he would let you know of every flaw in your life. Almost as if he took a sick satisfaction in seeing you wallow in your own misery and insecurities.

“Vegeta, her house is none of your business,” Bulma scolded with a harsh glare, slapping your discarded napkin out of his hand. You hadn’t had the time to clean up your living space before Bulma and Vegeta dropped by, unannounced. You didn’t mind surprise visitors, but Vegeta was an exception. Every single time he came by, which had become noticeably more frequent, you made absolutely sure that he could not find a single reason to complain or nitpick. You were simply thankful Bulma was there to keep her dog on his leash.

“Sorry for the mess,” you forced through grit teeth with a smile, before your face relaxed as your eyes landed on Bulma. “What brings you here? You’re not one for random visits.”

“Right, sorry,” Bulma chuckled, brushing some strands of her azure hair behind her ear, glancing over at Vegeta as he tip-toed through the specks of dirt in your carpet. Bulma rolled her eyes at the dramatic saiyan, sighing. “I need you to keep an eye on him. I don’t really trust him to be alone at Capsule Corp., and my mom and dad are out on vacation. I’ve got a big workload on my hands and can’t deal with him right now. I’ll pay you good, I promise.”

You wanted to say no. You wanted to tell both of them to get out of your house and never come back. Babysitting Vegeta could have perhaps been Bulma’s most unreasonable request for you. He had not been on Earth for long, and yet had antagonized you more than anyone. You rarely even showed your face at Capsule Corp. anymore because of the man. And Bulma was your best friend that you visited nearly daily for years. She knew how much you hated Vegeta.

And yet, when she pulled the wad of cash out of her pocket, you immediately found yourself agreeing to the impossible task. Bulma’s payments were usually unreasonable amounts, as if the stack of paper zenni she handed to you was less than allowance money for her. It felt wrong to take, but what could you say? You were living independently in the city - you needed any cash you could get. Even if it meant spending a day with the most annoying being in the universe.

As soon as Bulma had left, it was not long before Vegeta started to act up. He almost acted like a prepubescent boy at times, unable to properly convey his feelings, resorting to anger to vent. You had even made a point to clean up around the house so he wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable, but some of the things he complained about were unreasonable.

“The geometry of your living space is poorly designed, woman,” Vegeta commented as he stood in the midst of your living room, looking around at the furniture. You rolled your eyes as you vacuumed the carpet, tuning his voice out.

“Nobody is stopping you from just leaving. You hate all of us, I don’t understand why you continue to torture yourself on this planet,” you muttered, unsure if he heard you over the vacuum. You didn’t care much if he did or not, barely having the energy to speak to or at him.

“I’m waiting for Kakarot to come back to this miserable planet. But I’m starting to doubt he will,” Vegeta said as he placed his hands on his hips, searching for more things in your house to nitpick about. You had done a pretty good job hiding things for him to complain about.

“Maybe he’s avoiding you,” you said with a smirk at the idea. You would not blame Goku one bit if he was avoiding the entire Earth because of Vegeta’s presence. Vegeta did not find your comment very funny as his head whipped to your direction, glaring harshly.

“Then I would track him down and drag him to this miserable planet to humiliate him in front of his loved ones,” Vegeta sneered, lip raised in a slight snarl, as if the mere assumption were the most offensive thing he’d ever heard.

“Is it really that hard to accept that somebody doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to see you? I really don’t understand you, Vegeta,” you stood up straight as you turned off the vacuum, turning to glare at him. “You antagonize people on purpose, and then get mad when everyone leaves. What do you want from us? Why won’t you just leave?”

“My business is none of your concern, woman. I suggest you close your mouth and not utter a single sound from now on, unless you really want to see what antagonistic looks like. I could put you through a world of misery with words alone, I haven’t done anything to you yet.” Vegeta’s harsh eyes stared into your soul, as if knowing you weren’t going to listen. He had been here less than a year, and yet knew you would not stand for such nonsense.

“This is my house! I suggest you shut up if you know what’s good for you, asshole!” You yelled, leaning closer to his face. His warm breath hit your face as he scoffed, looking down at you as if he were so high and mighty. He was barely three inches taller than you.

“I could destroy you, and this house, and this whole planet in a matter of seconds if I wished. Your empty threats mean nothing to me, human.” Vegeta smirked down at you. That was your breaking point as your hand moved on its own. Even Vegeta found himself shocked by your sudden movement as your hand left its mark across his cheek, its shape searing into his cheek. Head turned from the sudden force, Vegeta stared at you with wide eyes, as if to let his brain process the attack on him. You expected him to blow up. You needed to gain control, fast. You would rather your house remained intact by the time Bulma returned.

“Wh-What’s with the surprised look? Didn’t think a girl could hit you? Bet you’re completely smitten, huh?” Your face lit up like a lightbulb, cheeks burning as you smirked, watching his every muscle movement. You didn’t even mean for the words to escape your lips, but as they did, you knew you were dead. “You want to kiss me so bad, huh, Vegeta?”

You saw the blush bloom across his cheek, making your hand mark burn ever brighter. That was the first time you had ever seen an emotion other than anger or pride on his face. But the view did not last long, as you suddenly found your vision obscured, his large frame right in your face, his lips connected to yours. This was an unexpected development, to say the least.

His touch sent lightning through your nerves as his hands uncharacteristically gently slid up your arms, gloved fingers brushing over your cheeks. His kiss was soft, as if to show you everything he had been unable to get across before, many emotions flowing through one small touch. That one small touch, however, began to grow more desperate as Vegeta grabbed your shoulders, firmly pressing his lips to yours. Your scent was intoxicating, and every little jolt of electricity to his nerves sent him spiraling through his pent-up emotions even more.

It wasn’t until your palms were pressed to his chest, trying to push him off, that he broke from his much-needed kiss. You stared up at Vegeta in surprise, watching many emotions flow through his dark pupils, before he finally came to his senses. You were pushed away, although much softer than you would have expected, his warmth pulling away from you as he left you standing there. He plopped down onto the sofa, sinking into the cushions as he crossed his arms, avoiding meeting your gaze. Your eyes stayed glued to him for a moment longer, before you let out a silent scoff, smiling in amusement.

Vegeta had not uttered so much as a word after that. No more comments on her habits or appearance, no more jabs at her life and home. He had sat silently at her side, stealing glances at her every once in a while as she read her book in peace. And perhaps it was the cleaner environment, or just something in him beginning to bloom, but you looked much better than when he had shown up.

And you weren’t sure if it was just the sunlight hitting him at just the right spot, or if he just looked like this when he wasn’t constantly raging, but Vegeta had a different look about him, almost a glow. Perhaps he wasn’t as bad as you had originally thought.

#dragon ball x reader #vegeta x reader #vegeta x you #vegeta x y/n #dragon ball #dbz #dbz x reader #dbs #dbs x reader #vegeta

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lovekz · 1 year ago

Text

dumb dick!

syn -> taiju’s bike isn’t the only thing you wanna ride of his.

warnings : smut, rough sex, p in v, oral (male receiving), squirting, use of the nickname mama and baby, overstimulation, taiju has a big dick, creampie

you stood inside of the fast food restaurant, waiting on you and yuzuha’s order.

the two of you decided you should have a sleepover to catch up with each other, as college work has been keeping you two apart.

however, you don’t think this was a great idea anymore, because nothing was going right.

your car had broke down so you had to take the bus, and you were stranded.

the walk to the shiba’s house would take pretty long and you don’t want the food to get cold.

taking the bus wouldn’t shorten the time either.

not to mention your horrible experiences with ubers and lyft.

so you called yuzuha and asked if she could pick you up.

“sorry babe, I can’t. I gave hakkai my car so he could take it to his friend to get it fixed.” yuzuha frowned, feeling bad.

she had the same problem as you, but hers had broke down only after she got home.

you cursed quietly, contemplating on what you should do.

you could risk it and get a uber (and possibly have to stay on the phone the entire time and drain your phone's battery) or risk your legs and walk.

neither sounded ideal.

“i can pick her up?” you hear a voice in the background catch your attention.

it isn’t a voice you've heard before, and you don't think yuzuha got a boyfriend during the times you haven't spoke.

"that would be amazing, tai. can you please? i'll send you 50 for gas." yuzuha immediately says, opening her phone.

"no it's fine. you don't have to." the alleged 'tai' had responded, before you heard a door close.

yuzuha had a big smile on her face, and you looked at her with a bit of a smug look.

"didn't know you had a boyfriend." you teased, grabbing your orders and sitting at one of the seats.

yuzuha scoffed, rolling her eyes and leaning back into the comfy couch that she bought.

"hell no. that's just my older brother, taiju." yuzuha replies, tucking a hair behind her ear with a hum.

you nod, not knowing your best friend had another brother considering you only see hakkai.

maybe he doesn't live with them or maybe he isn't really their brother at all.

who knows.

after a few minutes, you walk outside and see a guy on a cool ass motorcycle.

you recognize it being the one that's usually in the shiba garage, but no one ever touched it before.

probably because it was his.

the man looks at you approaching him, and you try not to cream in your panties.

he was so fine.

he had this piercing gold gaze with a scowl resting permanently on his lips, hair blowing wildly behind him.

he wore a turtleneck that hugged his muscles perfectly and a pair of dress pants, dior belt holding them up.

not only was he fine, but he had money just like his siblings.

"you must be zu's friend?" the man begins to speak, leaning back to rest on his bike.

his voice came out gruffer than it had sounded over the phone, fitting his intimidating look.

you couldn't bring yourself to speak, offering him a nod as you got closer to get on the bike.

he stops you, getting off and taking the bag of food from you and resting it on the handle.

then, he lifts you up into the air and places you onto the bike properly, making you even more flustered.

he doesn’t say a word to you, just gets on the bike himself and wraps your arms around his waist.

you hold on tightly as he starts up the bike, before driving off.

the wind in your face actually feels amazing, makes you feel like you have a a lot of freedom in the world.

not only that, but you were offered a ride on a really hot guy’s motorcycle with him on it!

you wonder if he’ll get mad if you just…

you begin to let your hands fall a little lower from his waist, waiting for any reaction.

when there was none, you press a delicate hand on his bulge.

you feel his breath hitch just a bit, before he stops at a red light and turns to you.

“playing with your life gorgeous. can't wait till we get home?” taiju teases quietly, giving you a little smirk.

you smile at him, letting him pull your hands back up to where they originally were.

“sorry. just testing the waters.” you joke, getting a bit closer to him.

you feel him chuckle from his back as he looks back at the street when the light turns green.

you hope he stays so you can ‘test’ more waters on him.

he doesn’t seem to mind.

four hours into the movie marathon, yuzuha is knocked out on the long end of the couch.

taiju was upstairs in his own room, probably asleep as well.

the two of you had finished some of your food and had some more to share for hakkai and taiju.

so now it was just you and the movie.

it was growing to be late, but you don’t really feel tired at all.

maybe it’s because you were used to staying up so late to do homework and projects.

so you stayed up until the movie was over, woke yuzuha up to go in the room, and then laid on the air mattress wide awake.

of course this would happen.

you sigh to yourself, before going back downstairs to grab something to drink.

when you get to the kitchen, taiju is sitting on the counter with a mug in his hand.

shirtless, with only a pair of sweats that hang loosely on him.

you catch his attention almost immediately, him give you a little smile in result.

maybe he forgot about what happened earlier.

“hey.” you greet shortly, before grabbing one of the cups and getting some water.

he raises a hand to you, before looking back at his phone.

you lean against the counter yourself, typing away at your phone.

it’s silent for a while, besides the sound of things crashing and booming coming from his phone.

you wouldn’t take him for the type, then again, the shibas are pretty unpredictable.

“how come you’re down here so late?” taiju questions, not looking away from his phone.

you look up from yours, before taking another sip from your glass.

“can't sleep. you?” you reply shortly, placing your phone down onto the counter.

he does the same, wanting to engage in a conversation with you.

“same as you, really haven’t slept here in a while.” taiju explains, nodding his head.

you nod along with him. so he did use to live here, but he doesn’t anymore.

probably just visiting.

it grows silent once more, and you finish your water quickly.

it’s thirty minutes before two, and you don’t feel like staring up at the ceiling in yuzuha’s room.

taiju must’ve caught onto that, and he hops of the counter and moves in front of you.

“if you’d like, you can come keep me company in my room.” taiju whispers in your ear, before making his way upstairs.

you’re flustered now, and he probably knows it.

but you won’t let him get away that easily.

when you make it into taiju's room, you notice how well done it is although a bit childish.

he has drawings of what are supposed to be sharks with hakkai and yuzuha's name scribbled on it.

the year at the bottom left had read about 10-13 years back.

his bed sheets were perfectly a deep blue with fluffy dark grey covers over the bed with a clean smell.

they must be fresh out of the dryer they had in their laundry room.

he had a comfortable little couch there too, it was where he was sitting right now.

also where you were kneeling in front of him, between his big beefy legs that could suffocate you if he wanted.

as of right now, you were trying to fit half of his cock into your mouth with a whine.

"you want it baby? gotta get it wet first." taiju encouraged, bucking his hips into your warm throat.

you gag around him just a bit, holding the base of his cock with both hands as you look up at him.

he's looking back at you with a shit eating grin, knowing you can't take more than the four inches you have down your throat.

taiju was a pretty big man, you should've expected him to have a big dick as well.

after a bit more of you struggling, taiju lifts you off of him and brings you closer to his face.

"breathe mama, s'okay. you'll have more practice." taiju whispered, cupping you through your panties.

just from sucking him (and playing with yourself in the first half), you were more than ready to try and take him a different way.

he sits you in his lap and lifts his hips up to shuffle the rest of his pants off, before pulling your panties off.

"want you t'ride me. that okay with you?" taiju whispers, kissing your jawline softly.

even if you didn't want to before, you were so gonna do it after he asked.

taiju doesn’t let you respond though, just lifts you up and lines himself up with your sopping hole.

you hold yourself up on your knees and keep steady with the help of his broad shoulders.

he teases your clit softly, making you roll your hips with a hitched breath.

eventually, he’s stops playing and sits you down onto his tip.

a hiss leaves your mouth immediately, the stretch being something completely foreign.

you weren’t a virgin, but you’ve never been with anyone much bigger than you.

let alone raw.

taiju rests against the couch a bit more, holding your waist to keep you still on top of him.

he’s watching as you sink yourself onto his hard cock, shaking ever so slightly and taking deep breaths.

taiju bores his eyes into your closed ones, feeling you rest your hands on his chest.

eventually, you sit down completely and open your eyes to stare back into taiju’s gold ones.

“you okay?” taiju teases quietly, rubbing your hip in slow reassuring circles.

you nod quickly, letting out a quiet sigh and leaning closer to him.

he notices how much you were tightening around him, and presses his thumb against your clit.

“s’okay. just relax for me, gonna make you feel good.” taiju reassures, rubbing in tight circles.

you moan quietly, following the movements of his thumb with your hips despite taiju trying to keep you still.

"mhm.. open up that pretty pussy for me." taiju groans, grinding up into you.

you begin to bounce and grind just a bit, already feeling overwhelmed from the size of him inside of you.

and you barely started moving.

taiju gains your attention by giving your hips a tight squeeze, staring into your eyes.

"you'll tell me if it's too much, okay?" taiju practically demanded, glancing down at where you two were connected.

you nod immediately, picking up the speed a little more.

soon enough, you were nearing your second orgasm, holding his hands and bouncing erratically on his dick while moaning a bit too loud.

taiju wasn't worried though, he knew his sister has slept through many things she probably shouldn't have.

loud claps echoed through the room every time you slammed your hips down onto him.

"m'cumming!" you cried out above him for the second time tonight, squeezing his hands tightly as you threw your head back.

taiju knows already though. he's mesmerized by the way you squeeze and ride him more desperately.

"go ahead. make a mess on me, baby." taiju grunts, feeling your insides squeeze against him more.

and at his command, you're crying out loudly and releasing on him one more.

taiju groans quietly, letting go of your hands and grabbing your waist.

he lifts you up and practically tosses you onto his bed, before pushing your legs up to your ears and sliding into you again.

you press a hand against his stomach, squealing as he presses directly into your sweet spot.

"w-wait taiju! s'too much!" you gasped out, scratching at his abs to try to push him out a bit.

"mm-mm. move it. it's never too much." taiju says gruffly, slapping your hands away and pounding into you.

you toss your head back and moan, feeling your legs begin to shake like you had to cum again.

taiju lets your legs go and they end up wrapped around his waist tightly, trying to still his movements.

but it does nothing, since taiju is much stronger and bigger than you.

he reaches between the both of you and begins rubbing your clit feverishly, relishing in the feeling of you pulling him in.

you feel something begin to build up in your tummy, something stronger than before.

you cry out loudly, still trying to get him to let up on his thrusts.

"g-gonna make a mess! please!" you squeal, feeling his hand begin to press on your tummy.

"i know mama, can feel it." taiju grunts out, still battering your poor pussy senseless.

before you knew it, you were squirting all over his stomach and the sheets below you.

the extra wetness made the thrusts you continued to receive much louder and wetter than before.

"hope you're on the pill." taiju says to you, feeling his hips begin to stutter and lose its rhythm.

you don't let it bother you, too overstimulated to understand anything he could be saying to you.

he wraps his hand around your throat to keep you still as he pushes deep into you, cumming hard.

his scrunches up his nose and groans, shutting his eyes tight.

and although your sight is a bit blurry, you can't help but watching him closely as he rides out his orgasm.

when he's finished, he pulls out of you and watches his cum drip out onto the bed before moving his attention back to your face.

you were spent, and on the verge of falling asleep.

taiju presses two or three kisses to your lips, before rubbing your thigh comfortingly.

"don't go to sleep yet. m'not done." taiju whispers in your ear, gathering some of the cum up and pushing it back into you.

and you definitely did have a feeling he wasn't.

the next morning, you wake up in the airbed more sore than you thought you'd be.

the numerous amount of rounds you and taiju did might be the reason, and not because of the airbed have little to none air.

you get out as best as possible, before making your way to the bathroom and brushing your teeth.

yuzuha was already out of bed and was probably downstairs.

when you finish, you go downstairs and see all three of the shibas standing around in the kitchen.

now that you realize it, they all shared more similarities, though hakkai looked much more like taiju standing next to him.

"good morning sleeping beauty. how ya feeling?" yuzuha teases, oblivious as to what happened last night.

you stretch out your limbs and pick up a piece of fruit from her bowl, chewing on it.

"sore, actually. feels like my body was bent wrong." you complain lightly, sitting on the counter next to her.

hakkai spits out his coffee, before coughing loudly and holding onto taiju for support.

the three of you were confused, watching as hakkai wiped his mouth with paper towel.

"uhm.. okay. when did you come back, kai?" yuzuha questioned, shrugging off her brother's odd behvaior.

when he came to his senses and finished cleaning up, he leaned against the counter with a bottle of water.

taiju rolled his eyes and took a sip of his coffee, waiting for hakkai's response.

"sometime around two or three last night." hakkai says hesitantly, drinking his cold water.

taiju then spits out his coffee and you begin to choke on the piece of strawberry in your mouth.

you play yours off with a laugh, covering your mouth as you lean on yuzuha so she laughs too.

he had came in around the time taiju had you in his bed, which is probably why he reacted the way he did.

now it was taiju cleaning up his mess and drinking water.

"i don't get it. what's going on?" yuzuha questioned suspiciously after her laugh dies down, looking at her brothers.

taiju shakes his head, looking at hakkai with a unreadable expression.

hakkai clears his throat after another sip of water, before looking at his older sister.

"the coffee is shit, yuzu. is it dark roast?" hakkai questions, pointing to the bag of coffee grounds.

she checks, and (luckily), the coffee that was in the machine was dark roast.

yuzuha curses quietly and tosses the bag in the garbage, along with the pot of coffee that was made.

"shit, my bad. i'll go get another one now." yuzuha says, grabbing her wallet and keys before turning to you.

she was silently asking if you would be okay staying here while she runs to the store.

you wave her off, massaging your hips just a little bit.

"i'm still sore, so i'll probably lay down for a bit." you explain, flashing her a little smile.

yuzuha nods, before changing out her shoes and offering you a smile.

"i'll bring back some painkillers." yuzuha lets you know, before walking out of the house.

when it's confirmed that yuzuha was out of the driveway, you and taiju turned to hakkai.

"i got one hundred dollars if you keep your mouth shut." you say, pointing your fork at him.

hakkai scoffs, crossing his arms and leaning against the counter with a smirk.

"one fifty sounds like a better bargain honestly." hakkai says, looking at you with a raised brow.

"how about two fifty and you eat for free." taiju bargains with him again, crossing his arms to mock hakkai.

you go to protest about the amount of money, but taiju holds his hand up to you.

it shuts you up almost immediately, especially when hakkai's eyes widen with a grin.

"you got a deal-" "but only you! and maybe mitsuya." taiju restates, cutting hakkai off before he got a big head.

hakkai scoffs, before nodding and saying a short 'fine' under his breath.

hakkai leaves the room after giving taiju his cash app, and goes upstairs.

"i don't have two fifty." you sigh, leaning back and letting him find yourself in between your legs.

he presses a kiss your your lips and then along your jawline.

"don't worry about it. i'll pay him." he whispers, massaging your hips for you.

you nod, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as you pull him into a kiss.

you hope hakkai doesn't see this, or you fear he'll ask for more money.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo rev x you #tokrev #tokyo revengers taiju #tr taiju #taiju x you #tokrev taiju #taiju shiba x reader #taiju shiba #shiba taiju #taiju x reader #shiba hakkai #hakkai shiba #tokyo revengers hakkai #yuzuha shiba #shiba yuzuha #tokyo revengers yuzuha

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harrywavycurly · 5 months ago

Note

I love the banter with Niall and reader! Could we see how they talk on the phone or something? 😇

Hiii babes!! So happy you like their banter 😂 I will happily give you some random phone/facetime convos between the two of them! I hope you enjoy 💖

-find all things boyfriend Niall Horan here✨

“Why do you even read that trash?” “It’s not trash Niall it’s how I keep up to date on my celebrity gossip…oh god…why do they always use the most unflattering photos of me in these things?” “No such thing as an unflattering photo of you babe…definition of beauty you are…broke the mold they did when they made you…no one even comes-” “that’s enough thank you…oh guess what I just found out.” “Uh Harry has six nipples and an eleventh toe?” “No…but apparently we’ve been secretly married for two years.” “Huh and here I was thinking that I’d always remember my wedding day…” “oh and you’ll love this…I haven’t been seen drinking in a few weeks so that means I’m pregnant.” “Come again?” “I’m pregnant.” “You’re what?” “Oh god no…no like I’m just reading you what they are saying in the teen magazines Niall I’m not-” “you’re fucking pregnant and you’re telling me on FaceTime? What the-” “breathe Niall! In and out…deep breaths okay? I’m not pregnant…I’m just telling you that the world thinks I am because I haven’t been drinking-” “I can’t feel my legs…I’m gonna pass out.” “Jesus you’re so dramatic…” “I’m dramatic? You’re the one who cried and stomped your feet in the middle of a pub because they didn’t have anymore fucking chips.” “I was drunk and upset okay?” “Yeah well my secret wife just told me she was secretly pregnant so I’m also upset okay?” “That brings me to the question apparently everyone wants to know the answer to…why do you hide me so much Niall? Are you embarrassed of me?” “Oh right I hide you so much that I bring you everywhere with me and even talk about you in interviews and post you on my instagram…but yeah you’re my little secret…” “I love you…wanna hear about Brad Pitt’s newest love interest?” “I love you too…still not over him and Angelina splitting…that shit was messy.”

“These are your options lover and if you don’t see one you like too fucking bad I’m not going to another shop.” “You talk so sweet to be Niall…oh is that a magnum bar?” “Uh…yes…yes it is…that the winner?” “Yes that’s the winner…oh is that cookies and cream?” “Nope…your eyes are messing with you babe.” “Did you just lie to me Niall James Horan?” “No….yes?…but only because I know you’re gonna make me pick one for you and I’m gonna end up picking the wrong one and you’re gonna be annoyed and…I just say go with the first one you saw and…and you know what? fuck it I’ll get both…I’m good for it.” “Yeah…you’re good for it.” “I’ve got a few spare dollars for the love of my life’s ice cream addiction…”

“Oh hello there my darling girl…I just got your little to do list thingy and I have questions.” “Okay lover of mine…what questions do you have?” “Number one…why the bloody fuck is this list called my lover’s list of things to try when all it has on it are errands you need me to run and like…chores and shit? That title would make one think this list is full of…other…things like…for the bedroom.” “Because you haven’t ever done anything on that list so therefore you’re going to be trying it…hence the name my lover’s list of things to try.” “I beg your fucking pardon? I have mowed the bloody lawn before thank you very much.” “Oh have you?…really? Wanna tell me when?” “Uh..when…I lived in that house in uhm L.A by myself…” “You’re so full of shit…you got half way down one side of your lawn and gave up because you didn’t have the blade dropped properly.” “Oh I love it when you talk lawn care to me baby…it’s so sexy.” “Did you see what was last on the list my little handy man?” “Uh no let me take a gander….Jesus fuck you can’t go writing things like that on a list I’m meant to take out in public.” “Sorry next time I’ll send it to you via email then is that better?” “You really want me to try that on you….again? It didn’t go very well last time…” “that’s because you have no patience and tried to rush it.” “Okay that’s….yeah I did do that but you can’t fucking blame me I was just excited.” “Do you have any other questions Niall or can I get back to work?” “Yeah uh…is this list in any sort of order or can I do them as I want?” “Do them in the order they are written please…and thank you.” “At this rate I’m not gonna get to the last one till bloody Christmas.” “It’s six things Niall…don’t be such a ninny.” “God I love it when you’re mean to me…just does something to me.” “You’re so annoying…I have to go now okay? I love you and I’ll see you when I get home.” “I love you too…have a good rest of your day my little pet.”

“Hello? Baby? Are you okay?” “Uh yeah I’m fine why?” “Uhm well I’m on hole six and you normally don’t call me while I’m golfing unless you’ve run out of snacks or you’re hor-” “as if I’m the one who calls you when I’m in the mood you’re the one who calls me Mr. Small Talk…” “Baby…please don’t be offended but…do you need something?” “Oh shit I’m sorry no…I was just on my way home from target and you know how I like to talk on the phone while I drive.” “Target huh? How much did you blow on pointless shit?” “That’s none of your business….but sorry I’ll let you get back to your little uh…game?…round?…session?…thing…” “it’s amazing how little you know about a sport I’m so involved in…” “awe you think I’m amazing? You’re so sweet Niall.” “How far from the house are you?” “Why?” “I can spare a few minutes to keep you company till you get home.” “I am pulling into our neighborhood…who’s winning?” “Why do you ask such rude questions like that?” “Ah…it’s Harry isn’t it?” “No…not by much anyway…I still have time to come back and kick his lanky ass.” “That’s my man! Kick that Styles ass.” “If I win what do I get?” “Uh you get to rub it in his face and add a tally to your side of the scoreboard in the game room?” “How about if I win I get a proper blo-” “oh look at that I just got home…have a good rest of your game…love you! Bye!”

#Niall Horan convos #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fluff #niall horan imagine #niall horan fic #niall horan blurb #niall horan x y/n #niall horan x you #niall horan x reader #niall horan series #Niall Horan social media au #Niall Horan request #Niall Horan fanfic #Niall Horan #boyfriend!niall #one direction fanfiction #my little irish marshmallow #niall horan au

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herejusttosufferalong · 4 months ago

Note

Ok so this might be a long rant, I just came across this account, after a lovely woman i follow on TT. She said in her live that a blog she likes one tumblr account, so I had a wee nosy. Well after watching Tifs live (our captain) the other night, my gut feeling about this whole situation with L, N and A:

I only started to ship L&N late April this year. I just was excited to see polin for their season after reading the book. Then I seen N and L interviews and saw their chemistry & connection I was hooked. I don’t ship people irl but I did always like Tom and Zendaya, I thought they would be cute together but nothing hardcore. Then L& N came into my life and now I can’t function properly without thinking about these two. I like the whole world has seen this two people that have captured our hearts, with their crazy chemistry. Which made a lot fans go crazy thinking they were a real couple and still want them to be.

As I said I newly lukola fan but after watching Tifs live and reading the info she had, also looking at other content and speaking to other fans. I believe my gut feeling is right, ( just my opinion) don’t come from me lol. 1: I believe L fell for N that first day they met at the dance rehearsal. I mean for someone who doesn’t have good memory, he remember everything that day. Like you said I believe he pushed those feelings down as he was in newly relationship. Also N was in a relationship, it wasn’t their time. They were great friends, laughed, joked and even flirted irl or SM but never crossed that boundary.

2: I believe the chemistry we were seeing in season 1 and 2 was them giving each other subtle hits, that they will have to finally give into repressed feelings once they become leads. L was still in a longtime relationship with his gf but N wasn’t in hers anymore, so she was having single girl era. Then bang they are told they are the leads the next season. Both gear up for it by L getting fit, healthy and trim down. N also got fit, healthy and went to the gym. They both threw everything into making this the best season(which I believe they did). Then started to film season3 when they can’t hide their feelings anymore. The gf caught on to this and that when things started to turn sour for L and gf, she got jealous and insecure about his feelings. She started getting hate from fans. Once she started doing shady things like copy N style and comment (WFT on camera) when the episode 2 season 2, when Colin’s comes back from his trip and sees Pen for the first time. Then J and L unliked N posts and didn’t interact with her as much. Also around that time N came out to defend J and stop the hate. (If I couldn’t love this woman anymore than I do. She is a incredible, kind and loyal friend to have in your life). Around this time L was on down low liking posts N friends posted about her, knowing that J wasn’t following them on SM to see. 3: As I said when season3 began all those feelings they both had came out and they couldn’t hide it anymore. You can see it by the reactions of the cast and crew saw, they slowly were letting us know that it was real what we saw and felt. I mean the fact that he wasn’t able to see her in certain dresses until the last minute to get his real reaction or that the director took all the dancers off the set, to only have N&S dance in front of L to get that pure jealousy and anger from him. (BTW that nearly broke that man) haha which I love, I know am evil 😏. Or the fact that N had a fake hen party with cast and crew. Do not get me started on the ‘sound proof’ carriage or the broken furniture. Around those scenes were being filmed the shit was hitting the fan with L&J, they believed to be broken up around the time of the mirror scene. We all know how relaxed they were with each other in those days, as N said “we were so relaxed, we spent the day under the covers naked not wanting to get up”. I mean come you two 🙈 So L was coming home after doing those intimate scenes and couldn’t detached from it. So it is believed around this time J cheated on L with a co star, of course this is all rumoured but Ls mum, aunt and grandma liked a lot of lukolas posts. That scene when he finds out about pen being LW, he was really crying and even catch’s on his words, it also makes N say his name because she can’t see him hurting. So that’s why she help him to heal after the break up, she wanted him not in pain anymore. That’s when everything changed.

4: N and L friendship grows stronger and stronger around part two they both were single and they give into their feelings. So when you watch the ally scene when he finds her out on the night before their wedding and they argue he push’s her up against the door. L uses his left hand to lift up her skirt, Colin is right handed but L is left handed. Also if you listen to that scene without the music, you can hear him saying N name. The last scene they filmed together was their last intimate scene and she slips the tongue in while he sucks on it. He also came to her last day of filming to support her AKA the pic of him seating on the floor while she hugging him 🫠So I believe that they both hooked up around this time and even went on secret dates. He was all in and was ready to go into the relationship with her. This is when it hits her, he needs to be single, she was going to be busy, he starting his new play… they had to put the breaks on it for awhile. That’s why she always says “what is meant for you, won’t pass you by”, something my mum says to me every day. N knows she be called to other women, that she is older, that her image would be damaged if they came out as a couple around that time. Because he loves her so much he couldn’t do that to her, so he agrees even though it is killing him. That’s when A appears. 5: He goes on to have his HBS with the lads and the rat 🐀 (Rory) I said what I said. He has fun and then meets A, she fun and exciting, just someone to have fun with, who also fits in his friends group. They date have fun, go on double dates, parties and events. They never put a label on it but she his gf in not so many words. Then they begin their six month press tour and all that pent up feelings come back out again. They were unhinged, flirty and their chemistry was through the roof. They couldn’t stop it if they tried. They have understanding like last year they couldn’t go public if they wanted to because of the image wouldn’t be right. That’s when A jealous streak came out, by slowly letting the fans know she was about and don’t get any ideas. She post videos of her of dancing in hotels were L was staying. That’s when she started to troll the fans and N too. I think the final nail that hit the coffin was the Ireland trip. We got the famous fixing the hair in middle of an interview(let’s be real L went to another world, he lean in and closed his eyes never wanting to open them up again). We also got him meeting her mum and went out with her family. A could see he was pulling back from her that’s why she invited herself to the NY premier were we got the awkward hug from A&N. So that’s why she called the paps and messed up the situation with L&N. I like a lot of people felt that pap walk was a slap to all our faces. I believe like you said she went rogue. All she had to do was wait a week and it wouldn’t have been as bad. The fandom would have been mad but would got over it. However she stole that limelight and you could see he annoyed by the pics. So HBS 2 happens, N starts working on her her new film. L has events, parties and holidays with A and the friend group. However he found ways to mention N in every interview or posts and she tells him in some ways that he is always with her by the pics she posts too. Like he said on JF they are on a break. Now they waiting for things to calm down and distance himself from A. But she doesn’t like and has now joined together with rat boy and his gf. They are trolling fans, N, leaking pics and videos of L when he just wants to be private. I also believe he has totally checked out with this relationship. You can see it in her eyes and body language, it doesn’t lie, he’s not happy. I also think his losing work opportunities with this bad pr at the minute. Unlike N who is booked and busy.

So to conclude this rant sorry btw I just had to get this all out of my head 🙈 it was doing my head in. I believe once season 4 begins and L&N have to be a married couple. They go back to their funny, flirty and unhinged. I then believe A bags will be packed because he will do all he can to protect N and her image. He also try to get new jobs as well. Were A might be on the next season of love island. I really hope not because I seen enough of that drama queen and I like to enjoy the show. I think next year we might get the confirmation of them both being an official couple. That’s when I be cracking up the Prosecco and champagne 🍾 😊🚢

No matter how many times I read things like this I always act surprised at every turn lmao

Love this anon, thx for sharing

#this is all opinion #merely speculating #i will die in my delulu #feeding my delulu daily

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honeylations · 1 year ago

Text

- Over the limits -

MIYAWAKI SAKURA x FEM!READER

Prompt: Your girlfriend is usually a patient, calm, and quiet person, even during sex. That’s when you decided you wanted a little change. With the advice of Chaewon, Yunjin, and Kazuha, your plan of making Sakura jealous goes better than you expected.

Warnings/Notes: G!P Sakura, dom Sakura, degradation, biting, Sakura is scary but hot when angry, subby reader, jealous Sakura, cute Sakura at the end

———

“What’s with the frown, Y/n-ie?” Chaewon asks, noticing the way you were laying down on the living room couch as if your life was entirely ruined.

“I don’t know how to properly explain it Unnie” Your frowned deepened and the leader took your hand.

“Is it something about Sakura Unnie?”

You slowly nodded and Chaewon hummed. “Why don’t we go upstairs and talk to Kazuha and Yunjin too? They’re great at giving advice”

Feeling your heart soften, you mumbled a small ‘ok’ before going upstairs into Yunjin’s room where Kazuha was already seated on the floor, playing on her switch. Yunjin was on her bed, fiddling with the strings of her guitar.

“Hey girls, private meeting needed” Chaewon explained, locking the door.

“How about Eunchae and Kkura Unnie?” Kazuha asked, placing her switch to the side.

“Eunchae is out with Bahiyyih and Kkura is at Yena’s place” Chaewon responded as she got you to sit down on Yunjin’s study chair, making sure you were facing the 3 girls.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Yunjin asked, looking between you and the leader.

“I just had something on my mind lately in regards to Sakura and I need advice” You began explaining and Yunjin gasped.

“Don’t tell me you want to break up with her..” the American whispered.

You rolled your eyes and threw one of her plushies at her face. “No not that you loser!”

“Ow!”

“It’s not that big of a deal to be honest, I just need some…help?”

The three looked at you like a lost puppies before nodding at you to continue speaking. You took a deep breath. “So last night Sakura and I had sex”

“Charming” Yunjin commented, making you throw another plushie at her direction which she dodged.

“Anyways, it was nice as usual. She’s gentle, always telling me she loved me, going slow and whatever”

“But?” Chaewon arched her brow.

“It’s getting kind of boring, you know…all the vanilla stuff. I don’t know how to tell Sakura she’s not being dominate enough. Like I want it rough, I want her to really lose control. Main question I wanna ask is, how do I ask her to do that without hurting her feelings? She’ll think she’s not a good girlfriend”

The three girls exchanged each other looks before Yunjin spoke up. “In that situation Y/n, you just gotta…bring the rough side out of Kkura”

“What do you mean?”

“My best bet is to make her jealous. Sakura Unnie may seem calm but she’s quite possessive when it comes to you. Choose anyone you like and just flirt and flirt until your girlfriend can’t handle it anymore” Yunjin continued.

“Then you’ll get a good fucking for sure” Kazuha winked, making your face heat up at the thought of Sakura losing control.

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Who can I choose?” You asked the girls who smirked.

“Choose Kazuha. She’s quite good at acting” Chaewon suggested, Kazuha nodding.

“How should we start it?”

“Oh don’t stress so much, Y/n. Just go with the flow. I’m sure Zuha has something planned” Yunjin shrugged, smile widening after hearing the dorm entrance open.

“I’m home!” Sakura yelled out and your heartbeat quickened.

“Relax, okay? Let’s go downstairs and we can worry about this tomorrow” Kazuha whispered and you nodded shyly in response.

———

The following day, your group had another photoshoot to further advertise your merch. This time, you did it in pairs:

- Eunchae and Chaewon

- Sakura and Yunjin

- You and Kazuha

The first two pairs had already did their round of duo photos so they were sitting in the back, taking a break whereas you and Kazuha were in front of the cameras, waiting for instructions from the camera director.

“You doing alright?” Kazuha whispered closely to your ear, knowing Sakura was looking at the two of you.

“A bit nervous from yesterdays talk”

“Don’t overthink it, okay? Let’s take advantage of this shoot, she’s already staring” the younger Japanese member informed.

“Kazuha-ssi, Y/n-ssi let’s begin! I’d like to try something different this time. Kazuha-ssi could you please stand behind Y/n-ssi, both of you facing the front” The man directed and you both nodded while adjusting your position.

Being the shortest member in the group meant you always had to be positioned in front.

“Alright, Kazuha-ssi, please have your hands on Y/n-ssi’s waist. Like a couple pose!”

You gulped at the order and looked at Kazuha who winked at you. Sakura wasn’t fond of the new idea this director came up with but she decided to bite her tongue.

“Unnie you’re squeezing my hand a bit too hard” Eunchae winced, the eldest blinking and immediately letting go of the maknae’s hand.

“Sorry Eun, got lost in thought”

“It’s okay. Kazuha and Y/n look good today don’t you think! Their merch outfits are almost matching” The youngest told with a huge smile and baby applause.

Sakura huffed and returned her eyes to you and the other Japanese member, realising that Eunchae was right. Both you and Kazuha were wearing baggy jeans that were unbuttoned and unzipped to display the Le Sserafim ‘panties’ (quoted by their leader last shoot). Kazuha wore the Le Sserafim black bra top while you wore the white version.

The cameras flashed for a few seconds before the director spoke up again. “Those were nice but Kazuha-ssi I need you to lean your face closer to Y/n-ssi’s neck. Right now it looks a bit too awkward”

“Yes director-nim” Kazuha responded and did what she was told, feeling her own heart quicken as Sakura’s glare never left her and you.

“Not gonna lie, I’m starting to feel threatened” Kazuha whispered, making you giggle.

“Did you tell director-nim our plan or something? He’s really going all out for these photos”

“I swear we didn’t say anything” Kazuha laughed with you.

“What are they possibly laughing about?” Sakura bluntly asked, arms folded over her chest with annoyance.

Chaewon caught on the jelly leader and smirked. “Jealous are we, Kkura Unnie?”

“No, I’m not like that. There’s just no need for them to be laughing during a photoshoot”

“Zuha is the funniest member after all”

“She’s not that funny”

Chaewon shrugged and watched your photoshoot continue.

“Ok let’s do one last pose. Kazuha-ssi could you please lie down on the ground with Y/n-ssi sitting on top of you” The director told, surprising all the members.

“I’m sorry, what?” You tilted your head with wide eyes.

“Y/n-ssi sit on her thighs and have your hands resting on Kazuha-ssi’s stomach”

Kazuha sent you a look before she laid down and you hesitantly followed, sitting on her and placing your hands on her gorgeous abs. “Am I putting too much pressure on your legs, Zuha ya?” You softly asked, looking down at her.

Kazuha was mad blushing at the position. “No, you’re fine. Just a bit awkward..”

“Kazuha-ssi please hold Y/n-ssi’s wrist and both of you look at the camera-“

An aggressive thud was heard in the back and all attention turned to Sakura who was already packing her bags. Her chair had skidded and fallen from the rough push she gave it when standing up. “I’ll be waiting in the van” She coldly said before pushing her way out the doors.

The rest of you looked at each other with fear, knowing that the eldest should never be messed with but you were proud to see that the plan worked.

It didn’t take too long for you all to change to your normal clothes and head home where Sakura was dead silent during the car ride. When the van stopped at the dorms, Chaewon spoke up “Yunjin, Kazuha, Eunchae and I need to attend separate interviews. We’ll see you two later, okay?”

Sakura nodded and was the first to hop out the van as you gave Chaewon, Kazuha and Yunjin a look.

“You’ll be fine, just text us if you need anything” Yunjin winked.

“Wait what’s going on?” Eunchae asked with curious eyes, looking between all her Unnies.

Chaewon opened a bag of chips and shook it in the youngest’s face. “No questions. Eat this”

“Chippies!” Eunchae smiled widely and happily took the snacks before returning to her seat.

“Seriously Y/n, everything will be fine. Don’t forget to take birth control” Kazuha giggled, making your heart stop for a second.

You sighed and left the van before following your pissed girlfriend into the dorm. You went upstairs to your separate room and placed your bags on your makeup table before you felt a body aggressively trap you, the person’s hands gripping on the edge of your table to the point their knuckles turned white.

“Did you enjoy your little couple photoshoot with Zuha, baby?” Sakura whispered hotly in your ear while she grinded her painful bulge into your clothed ass.

“K-Kura…”

“Was it fun? Hm?” She bit your neck, making you moan.

“Was it fun sitting on Zuha when you could be sitting on me with my huge cock deep in your tight cunt? Or was it because my cock wasn’t good enough for you to fuck yourself with?”

Your eyes rolled back at her words. This was exactly what you wanted.

“N-No, baby, it was just for the photos I swear!” You whined, her hands gripping your waist, her nails digging into your skin.

“You’re mine Y/N. You’re. Fucking. Mine. Got that?” She growled, moving down to suck a nice dark hickey onto your neck. Satisfied with the look of it, she spun you around and forced your lips together.

Your hands moved to wrap around her neck and pull her closer while in your mind, all you thought of was ‘yes finally!’

“You’re gonna regret everything that happened today. For now, you can try and gain my forgiveness by sucking my cock like a good girl. Are you a good girl, baby?” She moved one hand to cup your chin and force you to look up at her.

You nodded. “Y-Yes I’m a good girl…”

“On your knees then, slut” (A/N: DONT GOTTA TELL ME TWICE 🧎🏻‍♀️)

And you did straight away.

“Need to remember who you fucking belong to” Sakura said through gritted teeth as she untied her sweatpants and pushed it down with her boxers to her lower thighs, exposing the monster cock already oozing out precum.

You looked at it with sparkling eyes.

“I’m not gonna cum with you staring at it, will I? Put that mouth to good use like a good little bitch”

You whimpered at the degrading words and engulfed as much length as you could into your mouth, tears escaping your eyes from the stretch. You felt your girlfriend run her hand through your hair and applying a tight grip, forcing you to take her deeper.

“F-Fuck” You heard her grunt that sent a jolt to your stomach.

You started moving your head at a faster pace, feeling Sakura’s grip get tighter on your hair as her hips started to automatically move. You started to feel her tip hit the back of your throat, causing you to gag a little bit and Sakura sent a small evil chuckle.

“Too big for you, baby? Just wait until it’s in your small little pussy. Gonna stretch you out so good and fill you up with my cum. You like that wouldn’t you, baby? Being my personal little cum dump”

You managed to nod despite having your mouth full and Sakura decided to pull her cock away before she could cum. A string of saliva connected your tongue to her twitching tip, causing the ache in your pussy to intensify.

“As much as I’d love to make a mess on your face, I want my cum inside your pussy instead” Your girlfriend said in a low voice before laying down on the bed, making a ‘come here’ motion with her hand.

You crawled on the bed and Sakura nodded her head at her standing dick. “Sit”

No daring to think twice you hovered yourself onto her lap and your older girlfriend aligned her tip at your entrance. “Fucking pissed me off seeing you sit on top of Kazuha like that. Did you want her dick more than mine?”

You shook your head in panic, keeping your balance by holding onto Sakura’s broad shoulders. “No baby, I only want your dick”

“Damn fucking right you do. You’re not riding anyone’s cock other than mine, got that?” Sakura growled and pushed you down onto her entire length, your back arching in response.

“Fuck Kkura!”

Sakura dove into your chest, marking it as much as she could before continuing her trail of hickies to your collar bones. Her hands rested on your hips and forced you to ride her in a harsh motion.

“You’re so big, oh my god! Fuck yes!”

It was painful but also felt so fucking good. She planted her feet flat on the bed and bucked her hips up with each motion you gave. Popping her lips away from your skin, you looked down and she leaned her lips super close to your own, her minty breath fanning you.

“Fuck you feel so good around me, princess. Don’t make me catch you slutting around with the others, yeah? Or else I’m gonna have to keep teaching you a lesson”

You were close to telling her that you wouldn’t mind it as long as the rough sex kept happening but that could be used for another time.

Your screams filled the entire dorm and you couldn’t care less if the walls broke down, as long as Sakura’s cock was still hitting you deep into your womb, there was nothing else you could’ve wanted.

“Shit the girls are gonna come back soon, I need to make this quick” Your girlfriend huffed before flipping the position so she was on top.

She spread your legs wider and pounded into you mercilessly, your throat starting to hurt from the sinful noises you released. “Fuck fuck fuck, baby I’m gonna cum!” You cried, Sakura leant down to bite your neck and your hands went to claw at her milky back.

“God, that’s it, baby. Take all of me”

“K-Kura!”

The taller girl used one hand to rub your clit as her cock abused your insides, feeling her start to swell. “Gonna cum with you, princess. Take it, baby, fuck!” You heard her groan the same time you screamed her name for the last time.

The burning sensation in your stomach left and all you could feel was the gush of cum that filled you up so much that it escaped your entrance. Sakura gently pulled out and smiled at the mess.

She pulled the sheets over both your bodies and got you to lie down on top of her, letting your head rest in the crook of her neck. “You okay?” You heard her gently ask.

Soft Sakura was back

“More than okay. That was the best sex we ever had”

“Sorry I lost control. I was just so upset seeing you with Kazuha and that stupid photoshoot. I didn’t mean to be jealous I-“

“Baby, stop it’s okay. Having you lose control like that was so hot. Should do it more” you smiled at her.

“Is my soft side too boring?” Sakura pouted.

You found it hard to believe that this was the girl that had just rearranged your guts a few minutes ago.

“No no no, babe. I just think we should try different things sometimes” You responded, cupping her jaw.

“Do you have anything in mind?”

“I have a few…” Your innocent smile slowly formed into a smirk before you went to check your phone notifications.

‘Eunchae’s interview got held back a bit longer so will be home late. Everything okay there?’ Yunjin messaged.

“Perfect” you said to yourself before throwing your phone away, unbothered to reply to Yunjin.

“Perfect what?”

“Perfect amount of time to do another round” You bit your lower lip and pushed the sheets off.

“W-What?”

“How about blowing my back out, baby?” You winked at her but you noticed the slight concern in Sakura’s eyes.

“But bubby, my peepee hurts…” She squeaks with a pout and huge puppy eyes.

You couldn’t believe your ears right now. What happened to the Daddy Sakura?

“We only went for one round!”

“A HARD ONE ROUND TO BE EXACT! If we go again, my peepee gonna falllllll!”

“Suck it up! I’ve been waiting a long time for an opportunity like this. You gonna shove that dick in me or what?”

“Okay…”

#gxg #Le sserafim smut #Le sserafim x fem reader #Sakura smut #miyawaki sakura #wlw #smut

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clarisse0o · 4 months ago

Text

Camp Wiegman-Part 33

Lucy Bronze x Ona Batlle

Alternative Universe : Military School

Words : 5k

Masterlist

———————————————————————

Saturday, January 9th; 9:15 AM - At Lucy's Place.

I gently hug the pillow against me, letting out a long sigh from between my lips. Negative thoughts immediately flood my mind, even though I've only just woken up. Sometimes, I wonder why I'm still alive. My life is so miserable that I doubt I'd be missed by many. I tell myself that the only thing that has saved me is my new life. I blink in this unfamiliar room, where I realize I'm alone in a large bed and a room that isn't mine. The events of last night come rushing back, reminding me where I am. I understand my earlier thoughts even better now. A muffled groan escapes my mouth as I realize that Lucy knew about my night terrors and that it’s not something new. Although she seemed calm last night, she must be upset with me for hiding things she didn't want hidden. I’ll have to face the consequences now. She must have held back last night because of my state, but I doubt it'll be the same this morning. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s waiting for me in the living room to discuss it. I check the time before forcing myself out of bed. Hiding from life by staying in bed is cowardly. That’s what my dad used to tell me when I was feeling down in Barcelona. I discreetly leave Lucy’s room and head down the hallway. Not seeing her around, I continue towards the living room. I smile when I find her standing with her back to me behind the counter. As I approach, I notice that she’s swapped her pajamas for jogging pants and a black t-shirt. When she turns around, she must be surprised to see me because she stops for a moment before finally smiling at me.

“Good morning, sleepyhead.”

“Hey,” I say timidly, blushing at the nickname.

“I didn’t expect to see you up this early.”

“I don’t sleep as long anymore…” I admit.

“That’s true,” she smiles. “I made breakfast. I hope you’re hungry.”

I relax for a moment, relieved that she doesn’t immediately bring up what happened last night.

“I’d never say no to breakfast,” I reply with a bit more confidence.

“Good. Sit down. What would you like to drink? Tea, hot chocolate? I imagine I don’t need to ask if you want coffee.”

“Hot chocolate, please.”

“Alright, I’ll make that for you. Sit down, everything’s ready.”

I nod gently and turn towards the dining table. Everything is indeed set out. It looks like she had time to prepare a real feast. I sit down, fidgeting in my chair. I’m not particularly comfortable, knowing what’s likely to be discussed soon around this table. Lucy joins me, placing my cup in front of me before sitting across from me with her own.

“Have you been up long?” I continue the conversation.

“Since seven-thirty. I couldn’t sleep, so I went for a run.”

“Oh! You’re brave…”

I distract myself by looking at the table. I don’t know where to look because there’s so much. She thought of everything. There are as many fruits as there are pastries and bread. She must have picked them up this morning. There’s also butter, jam, and even Nutella to go with it.

“Help yourself, that’s what it’s there for,” she invites.

I bite my lip and nod. I can’t bring myself to look at her, especially now that I remember we ended the night in the same bed… In her arms. Damn. Just thinking about it makes me even more uncomfortable.

“Ona,” she calls me, a touch of amusement in her voice.

I finally dare to lift my head and find her looking at me with her head tilted. I get the feeling she can read me like a book right now.

“I think it’s best we talk about it now, huh? I sense you’re going to go crazy before the end of the meal if we don’t.”

I blush, suddenly feeling really foolish. I can feel my heart racing with stress. Still, I nod to confirm what she’s saying. It’s best to talk about it now, to get it over with, even if it means she’ll chew me out properly. What surprises me is that Lucy is more relaxed than I expected. She almost seems to be teasing me. I take a deep breath before starting.

“I’m sorry for waking you up last night…”

My response makes her raise an eyebrow. It’s like she wasn’t expecting me to say that.

“Oh, so that’s all that’s bothering you?”

“Of course not,” I mumble.

“Relax. I’m not going to eat you, you know. Since when are you like this with me?”

Since I don’t want to disappoint you. That answer sticks in my throat. She doesn’t need to know that. Instead, I decide to be honest.

“I feel bad for hiding my episodes from you… Especially since it seems you already knew…”

“I did, yes. I was just waiting for you to come talk to me about it yourself,” she admits.

“Are you mad at me…?”

“A little. I think that if you hadn’t come here, who knows how long I would’ve had to wait for you to tell me.”

“I didn’t want to bother you with something so minor. You already do so much for me, and I was managing on my own until now. It frustrates me to have to turn to you every time something goes wrong with me,” I finish, averting my eyes.

My thoughts are so jumbled. I consider her a friend, but I don’t always feel like she sees me the same way. Sometimes, I feel more like her student and nothing more. It’s ridiculous because if that were the case, I wouldn’t even be here. She places her hand on mine, prompting me to look up.

“Stop thinking like that, it’s not true. I’m doing this as a friend, okay? Wiegman doesn’t ask me to solve your problems. I do it of my own free will because I care about you, and I feel the need to help.”

“It’s fine, I assure you… Everything’s okay for now.”

“Stop lying to me.”

“I’m not lying to you, it’s true. Since you came into my life, so much has gotten better! You have no idea how much you’ve helped me.”

She sighs, running a hand through her hair. She doesn’t seem to realize how deep of a hole she pulled me out of. The change is obvious.

“If what you’re saying is true, then you shouldn’t have any trouble confiding in me when you have a problem. That’s what helps you get better.”

“I do! I came to you when I didn’t know what major to choose. The same when I needed help studying.”

“I’m talking about real problems, Ona. Like your drug issue or your insomnia… See?”

“I do talk to you,” I sigh. “I told you about my problems with my mom and with Feli. You can’t deny that!”

“Maybe, but you’re always hesitant, and you often do it too late.”

“But put yourself in my shoes, damn it! You’ve never lived through what I’ve been through! It’s hard to open up when you’re not sure the person will still be there at the end!”

I freeze, realizing what I just let slip. I hate how easily she gets me to talk. I look up to see her expression soften.

“What are you talking about…?”

I sigh, running a hand through my hair. Now that I’ve started talking, she won’t let it go until she gets answers.

“How do I know we’ll stay in touch once all this is over, huh? I’m already scared you’ll drop me the day I don’t have any more problems to solve…”

“Where do you get these ideas?” she frowns. “I’d always be happy to talk to you, Ona.”

“They’re not just ideas. It’s already happening. You ignore me when I behave all week. If this keeps up, I’ll be tempted to mess up just to get your attention.”

“No, come on. I forbid you from doing that! I’m not ignoring you.”

“Yes, you are. Can you tell me how many times we’ve seen each other these past few days?”

“Ona,” she sighs. “Camp Wiegman is my job. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m ignoring you, but it’s not intentional. I have other things to worry about besides you, though I wish I could avoid them.”

“Sorry… It’s just that… Everyone I’ve ever trusted has a tendency to let me down or disappear… You’ve become the person who knows me the best, and… I really don’t want to lose you too.”

Her sympathetic smile makes me turn away. I don’t like being pitied, even though she rarely does it. A long silence follows. When I look back at her, I find her with a little playful look that makes me frown.

“This isn’t funny, I’m opening up to you here.”

“I never said it was funny. I just find it cute, that’s all,” she says with amusement.

“It’s anything but cute to be abandoned.”

“I would never abandon you, silly! Stop thinking that. If you want to spend time with me at school, nothing’s stopping you from coming to my office during your free time.”

“Really?”

“Of course. If I hadn’t suggested it before, it’s because I thought you preferred spending time with your friends.”

I sink into my chair, suddenly feeling deeply ashamed and foolish. I should have considered other alternatives before revealing my innermost thoughts to her. Now, she knows that she means something to me, even though I didn't necessarily want it to be that way. I feel weak and like I'm giving her the chance to hurt me.

"Hey," she pulls me out of my thoughts. "Everything's okay, alright? I'll always be here for you, no matter what. Never forget that. And if you need to come to me, don’t hesitate, okay?"

I sigh and nod. I wish I could believe it, but it's hard. She gives me a small smile that I struggle to return.

"Well... Can we talk about your nights now? I’d like to know when your first episode happened."

"The first one was the night between Wednesday and Thursday," I confess. "I'm sorry that the second one happened with you."

"Don’t apologize for that. I wanted to be informed so I could keep track of your condition. I was really disappointed to hear it from Alexia."

"You should know that I don’t like to bother people, which is why I didn’t say anything. You don’t need to keep track of this."

"Well, actually, I will be. I want to be notified during your episodes, and I will be, even if it’s not through you."

I sigh and cross my arms, showing my displeasure.

"We’ll find a solution, okay?"

"Okay..." I mumble. "Oh, and, um... Thanks again for letting me sleep with you last night."

"Was it okay for you?" she asks. "I offered it on a whim, but I forgot that you usually sleep only with Mapi or your brother."

My eyes fixate on the cup I had been fiddling with. I realize I hadn’t even had the chance to think about it for a single second, and that’s frightening. I've come to trust her blindly without realizing it. I actually care for her more than I thought. I shake my head slightly to regain my composure and clear my throat before responding.

"Uh, yeah... Everything was fine..."

"Good," she smiles gently. "It looks like you’re starting to improve, huh?"

I awkwardly return her smile and nod. She doesn’t seem to understand that this is all thanks to her.

"Well, now that we’ve talked, we’d better get ready. We have a busy schedule ahead."

I nod enthusiastically. This news delights me. I appreciate that she has planned something specifically for me. This afternoon will be a good way to clear my mind.

"I hope you’re going to show me your version of the city. I don’t want the tourist version. The monuments and all that stuff don’t interest me."

"Don’t worry about that, you can trust me. I’ll take a shower while you finish up. See you later."

She tousles my hair as she passes by to put her cup in the dishwasher, then winks at me before disappearing behind the sliding doors. The bathroom door slams shortly after. I finish my breakfast quietly, appreciating all these small gestures. Once done, I try to tidy up what I can and gather the rest so she doesn’t have to do it all. I then return to my assigned room. I open my suitcase, which has remained in place, to choose my clothes. I opt for a casual outfit with jeans and a shirt. I then make my bed and Lucy’s, thinking it’s the least I can do for her welcoming me so well into her home. It’s also the only way to show my gratitude. When I turn around to leave her room, I jump, not expecting to see her behind me. A wave of heat washes over me when my eyes fall on her body covered by nothing but a towel. Holy shit! I blush even more when I lift my eyes to meet hers. I turn my gaze away to try to hide, even though it’s probably too late for that.

"Sorry, I didn’t expect to see you here. I thought you’d be in the living room."

"Sorry. I... I had some time... I took the opportunity to... To make the beds and... And then..."

"No problem," she laughs at my embarrassment. "Can I get dressed now?"

"Y-yeah, of course. Sorry again."

I quickly leave her room, doing my best not to look at her again. I blush once more when I hear that small voice that sounds remarkably like Mapi saying, "See, I told you." It’s complete nonsense. I’m not interested in Lucy. And even if I were, it’s not meant to be. It’s a lost cause. To clear my mind, I head to the bathroom to get ready... Or maybe not. The steam Lucy left in the room reminds me of what I just saw. Once again, I think about the unhealthy ideas Mapi must be having on my behalf. What if she’s right? I shake my head vigorously at that thought. No, she’s not right, and I should probably strangle her for making me think such things. I’m not interested in Lucy, and I’m even less infatuated with her as she suggests. She’s just a friend... A friend I particularly care about. I splash water on my face to shake off this unpleasant theory. I then dry myself with a towel, which I find is already damp. I groan, imagining Lucy using it before me, and grab a new one. I then take my toiletries to brush my teeth, my hair, and finish with makeup. I’ve always kept it simple: foundation with cream, a line of eyeliner, and mascara. I pack everything up, making sure to take my bag with me as I leave.

"BOO!"

"AAAH! What the hell!" I shout at Lucy for scaring me.

I hit her on the shoulder, intensifying her budding laughter. I regret letting Lucy Bronze into my life so much. Her laughter is the most adorable thing I’ve ever heard, and I hate myself for thinking such a thing.

"Oh come on, it was just a joke."

"You’re really mean," I pout, pretending to be upset.

"No, I’m not," she laughs. "Why are you bringing that?" she finally asks, noticing my bag.

"I was going to put it back in my suitcase."

- Why don’t you just leave it here? It’s ridiculous to have to search for it every time. Look, you can leave it here.

Before I can counter her suggestion, she takes my toiletry bag and places it on the counter next to the sink.

- See, I’m organized enough to find a place for you, she teases.

- Thanks.

- Don’t mention it, she says as she pulls out her makeup. I should be the one thanking you for making the beds and tidying up the kitchen.

- Oh, it’s nothing... It was the least I could do.

- Are you ready?

- Yes, yes, I was waiting for you. What are we starting with?

- Don’t be so curious. You’ll find out soon enough.

The frustration and impatience grow within me knowing that I’ll have to wait to find out. On top of that, she announces that we’ll be driving a lot. Long car rides don’t usually bother me, but they might today.

- Okay, I’m ready, she says as she finishes with her mascara. We can leave. Do you think you’ll be warm enough? We’ll be walking a lot and it might be windy.

- Are you telling me I need to change? I ask, looking at myself.

- Don’t you have a big sweater?

- I have one, but not very thick ones. I spend my days in a fully heated classroom, remember?

- Take off your shirt, I’ll be right back.

I grumble but follow her instructions and take off my shirt. She returns shortly with a navy blue sweater, which must be hers. I put it on over my tank top as she advises.

- Is this better?

- Perfect, she smiles. We can go now. Also, take a big scarf.

- Are you taking me to the North Pole? I tease.

- Believe me, you’ll thank me tonight.

I stick my tongue out at her, which seems to amuse her. I put on my shoes, coat, and scarf in my room, then join her in the living room. She takes the time to examine me from head to toe. It seems that my outfit satisfies her, as she finds nothing else to criticize. She then opens the front door, and we use the elevator to reach her car in the basement. Before getting in, we remove our coats and scarves and place them in the back to be more comfortable for the trip. Once done, we leave the building to the sounds of Lana Del Rey. I’m starting to enjoy this CD from hearing it so much. The basement darkness is replaced by the white snow continuing to fall from the sky. The weather here no longer surprises me. I comment on this to Lucy, who has decided to be playful today.

- Is it because you’re humming that it’s snowing? she retorts.

- It’s not likely to be your fault since you never sing.

- Is that a challenge? she raises an eyebrow.

- Maybe. I’m still trying to figure out if you’re a stuck-up girl or not.

- You think I’m stuck-up? she huffs. Well, thanks, that’s nice.

- Well, you’re always so serious at camp. It makes you wonder.

- Stop calling it a camp. It’s a school!

- And you stop dodging the subject. Besides, I’ll call it a camp if I want to, I provoke.

- I’m not dodging, she giggles. Camp Wiegman is my workplace, so it’s normal that I stay serious, right?

- Yeah, maybe too serious for my taste. Especially with the rules, I grimace. Rules are meant to be broken.

- Oh yes, sure. I respect rules so much that you’re in my car right now, she says sarcastically. Maybe I should drop you by the roadside.

- You wouldn’t dare.

- Want to try and see? she challenges with a sly smile.

- Of course, I mock. You wouldn’t be able to anyway.

It’s well known that challenging someone in jest is a risky move, but I’m sure she’d never leave me by the roadside. At least, that’s what I thought until I notice where we are. To put it mildly, nowhere. We’re far from civilization, and we haven’t been driving for long. I start to panic when she surprises me by stopping by the side of the road.

- Get out of the car.

- Seriously? I was just joking!

- Can you trust me for once in your life? she laughs. Come on, get out.

I feel completely disoriented. Still, I unbuckle my seatbelt without thinking and get out of the car as she turns off the engine. Without saying anything, she climbs over the gear shift to take my place. I have a moment of reflection before she gives me the message by tapping the driver’s seat.

- You’re letting me drive? I ask with wide eyes.

- Yeah. You better not make me regret letting you drive my baby.

A beaming smile spreads across my lips. I quickly walk around the car before she changes her mind. I settle into the driver’s seat, not knowing where to put my eyes.

- Adjust the mirrors and the seat if needed, she commands.

I move the seat forward slightly when I realize the pedals are too far. I then adjust the mirrors under Lucy’s watchful eye. I smile as I caress the steering wheel and look at the dashboard.

- Are you comfortable?

- You’re really letting me drive? Aren’t you afraid I’ll mess up?

- I just hope you still know how to drive, she laughs.

- It should be fine...

I buckle up and wait for her permission to start the car. I feel nervous under her scrutiny. It feels like I’m reliving my early driving lessons. It’s been so long since I last drove, and now I’m behind the wheel of an Audi. Lucy’s Audi, no less. When I turn the key, I stall immediately, not noticing that she had left it in gear.

- It’s off to a great start, Lucy chuckles. Are you sure you have a license? Do you even have it with you? she realizes with concern.

- Yeah, I laugh at her reaction. You can check my wallet if you want.

- Hmm, that’s exactly what I’m going to do, she says as she leans toward the back seat.

She rummages through my bag to find my wallet. She seems relieved to find my license and gives me the green light to start. I do as she asks and, fortunately for me, I don’t stall again. I then merge onto the road, making sure there’s no one around. I glance briefly at Lucy, who still has my license in her hands.

- Watch the road, she scolds.

- Oh, come on, I’m managing.

- Obviously, she snickers.

- Where am I going?

- Go straight and at the next intersection, turn right to do a U-turn. There shouldn’t be much traffic here. Do you think you can handle it?

- Normally.

- Hmm, hmm, she smiles. Slow down, will you?

- Are you done yet? I scoff. I feel like I’m hearing my mom when I was learning to drive.

- Hey! I’m far from being your mother, she replies, tapping my thigh.

I mock her while following her instructions. I make the U-turn without any problems, which seems to reassure her. I was lucky there were no other cars. I think she deliberately took this route to give me back the reins. She has me take the previous road to reach a more attractive road. She directs me to the right, introducing me into traffic. I’m proud of my driving, even though I sense that Lucy is not too comfortable beside me. She winces in advance at each possible mistake I might make.

- How did you learn to drive? she asks.

- My dad taught me one summer when I was fifteen. My mom never knew. The day I started driving with her, I had to pretend not to know, I giggle.

- Were you already on bad terms with her back then?

- Yeah. It was a real disaster. At my slightest mistakes, she’d yell at me, which made me mad. We never finished a trip without it ending in a fight.

- I see. Take this way.

Excitement hits me when I see we’re driving along a beach. It’s far from as beautiful as Barcelona’s, but at least there is one. Lucy reminds me to focus on the road. It’s funny how she’s so concerned about her car.

- Do you want to make a stop?

- Can we?

- I had something else planned, but it’s just nearby, so we can park and walk a bit.

- Cool! I’d like that.

I stop at the first parking lot we find and choose a spot where no other cars are around to make sure I don’t hit a mirror. I engage the handbrake and turn off the car with a big smile.

- Happy to finally drive an Audi?

- Thanks for letting me drive at all. I missed it.

I unbuckle and throw myself into her arms, catching her by surprise. She accepts my hug after getting over her initial shock. She then retrieves her keys from the dashboard before we get out. I understand why she asked me to dress warmly the moment I feel the cold air hitting me harshly. It’s even colder than in downtown. I quickly put on my coat and scarf. Lucy puts our bags in the trunk so we don’t have to carry them and lock.

- It's freezing here, I said, pulling up the zipper of my jacket all the way.

- I warned you, she laughed. Follow me. I want to show you something now that we're here.

- Do you come here often?

- Occasionally, when I want to clear my head.

- What do you want to show me?

- Don’t be impatient, princess.

I smile at the nickname she hasn't used in a while. Everyone thinks Leah is the one who started it, but Lucy called me that from my first day. We walk a bit more until she stops in front of a rock formation that is more imposing than the others. I grimace, realizing her intentions.

- Don’t tell me we’re going to climb up there?

- Yes.

Without waiting for my response, she starts climbing. I sigh and try to follow her at a certain height.

- Remember that I’m afraid of heights, right?

- Don’t be a wuss. I promise it’s worth it. Come on, give me your hand.

Since she doesn’t seem to change her mind, I take her hand and she pulls me up to her level before continuing higher. I eventually reach the top without falling. She finds a flat spot where we can sit. It wasn’t so complicated after all. I look out at the horizon thoughtfully. She was right; it was worth it. The view from up here is magnificent. The breeze whistles in my ears, but the place is so soothing that I don’t mind. To think I almost missed this spot. We can see everything from here, but no one can see us thanks to the rocks in front of us that hide us.

- This is where I come most of the time when I need to be alone.

I tear my eyes away from the sea to look at her. She gazes out admiringly. I appreciate that she’s sharing something personal with me. She promised she would this weekend, and it seems she still keeps her promises.

- Tell me about yourself. I want to get to know you better... You know, the real Lucy. Not the camp instructor.

- What do you want to know?

- I don’t know. Tell me about your family, your friends, what you like... Everything.

- Everything? she chuckles. Am I tormenting you that much?

- Totally.

A smile forms on her lips, but she still doesn’t look at me. I turn my attention back to the waves crashing on the rocks below us. I can already imagine this scene in my sketchbook. She takes a deep breath that prompts me to meet her gaze.

- Alright. One thing you can know now. Where do you want to start?

- I already know a few of your friends... So why not talk about your family? If you don’t mind, of course.

- Alright, but only if you tell me about yours in return.

I grimace but agree anyway. It’s the only way to learn things after all.

- Very well, she says, taking a deep breath. To be honest, I’ve never known my real parents.

I don’t hide my surprise. I expected many things, but certainly not this revelation.

- I was adopted at birth, she continues. My parents were clear with me as soon as I was old enough to understand. I never worried about who my real parents were. To me, I already knew them and didn’t need anyone else.

- Wow... I wasn’t expecting that, I admit.

- I know, she smiles. It didn’t stop me from living a normal life, quite the opposite.

- Are you close to them?

- Quite, yes.

- It didn’t stop you from leaving them to come here.

- It was only for studies; otherwise, I would have never left, she tells me with a small smile. I don’t really have much more to add, she chuckles, shrugging. My life can’t be as exciting as you might imagine.

- Don’t you have any siblings?

No, I’m an only child. My mother couldn’t have children, which is why they adopted me. However, I consider Jenni like a sister. We’ve known each other since childhood and grew up together.

- I see... So, you’ve never had any conflicts with your parents or anything like that?

- Not really, she giggles. They’ve always let me live my life. Well, let’s move on to you. What are you still hiding from me? she asks curiously.

- Well, I have divorced parents, a blended family... I’m now waiting for my mother to announce that she’s getting remarried.

- Do you think that will happen?

- I suppose. It would be logical, I shrug.

- And... And your father? she asks delicately.

I could have sworn she’d bring him up. It’s one of the few things she doesn’t know about my family yet. I look at her for a moment, noticing no insistence in her expression. If I wanted to, she’d let me dodge it, but that’s not the most courageous decision. I look ahead as I begin to answer her.

- There’s not much to say, I murmur.

- Sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.

- If there’s not much to say, it’s because he’s no longer here.

I spoke before my mind could torment me too much. I didn’t want to backtrack now that I was decided to tell her.

- He’s dead, Luce. He’s just dead.

A heavy silence surrounds us at this news. Saying it out loud still hurts just as much. Tears burn my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away with the back of my hand.

- H-He died on a mission when I was eighteen. He was a soldier. H-His death caused my breakdown after high school...

If I look at her now, I won’t be able to hold back the tears that threaten to fall for good. Without saying anything, she puts her arm around my shoulders to pull me closer to her. I don’t think twice about snuggling against her desperately.

- Don’t hold back. You have the right to be devastated...

These simple words release my tears. She squeezes my shoulder and kisses the top of my head.

- It must be hard, but know that you will never be alone again. I’m here now, and I don’t intend to leave you. Okay?

I nod, unable to respond any other way. My throat is too tight, and I might break into uncontrolled sobs.

- D-Do you promise? I ask with a broken voice.

- I promise.

She holds me a little tighter, giving me all the comfort I need. The words are finally out. Someone other than my family or Mapi now knows. I’ve wanted to manage to do this for a long time, and I’ve finally succeeded.

- I’m glad I met you...

- Me too, Ona.

She gives me the time I need to recover. Long minutes pass while I start to feel better and slowly straighten up.

- I think we have a plan waiting for us, don’t we? I ask with my slightly hoarse voice.

- That’s right, and it’s quite packed. Do you feel up to continuing?

- Yeah, I want to enjoy what you’ve planned for us.

- Good, she smiles. So let me suggest we start with the fairground over there, she says, pointing to the place I saw earlier.

- That sounds perfect.

And I mean it. I wanted to go there the moment I saw it, and now she’s offering it to me on a silver platter. She helps me up and down the rocks. She mocks me when I close my eyes on the way down, but it was the only way to manage it. She suggests we head back to the car to get to our next destination faster. I didn’t say no, feeling my feet freezing. It was definitely the best choice.

Saturday, January 9; 3:30 PM - Downtown Manchester.

Our late morning at the fairground was perfect. Lucy is amazing. She managed to make me forget our conversation from this morning. It’s the first time I’ve seen her as anything other than my boss. We’ve just left the restaurant we went to after having fun. She’s taken the wheel for the drive back to downtown. I was happy she let me drive her Audi at least once. It’s the only one that has trusted me so much, and I enjoyed it immensely. The little restaurant she took me to was cool. She once again paid for everything, despite my protests. I ended up abandoning the argument.

- Are you ready to walk?

- Yeah, it doesn’t bother me.

She smiles at me before we stroll through the streets. I don’t know where we’re going, but I trust her. Well, that was until she stopped in front of a dilapidated building. I remain skeptical as she pushes open the door.

- What are you doing...?

- Are you being a wuss?

She challenges me with a mischievous smile, raising her eyebrows. I hate it when she does that. She knows I can’t say no to her. She gives me a nod to go into the creepy building, and I do. She goes ahead to climb the stairs without seeming bothered by the environment.

- Are you okay? she asks, glancing at me.

- Uh-huh...

She chuckles before turning around and climbing at a faster pace. She doesn’t seem to notice that I’m already struggling to keep up.

- What are we doing in this creepy stairwell?

- Patience, you’re too curious. Remind me to ban horror movies for you if you can’t handle places like this.

- I’m not scared! I mutter.

- Have you seen your face? she giggles. You look like you’re going to have a heart attack at the slightest noise. The building is abandoned; there’s no one here.

- You can’t be sure!

- There’s no one here, I’m telling you, she laughs.

I’m relieved when we finally reach the top. She forces open a heavy metal door that eventually creaks open. I cautiously step in behind her. My eyes close as the daylight dazzles me. She props the door open with a slab she found on the ground. I realize we’re on the roof of the building. I slowly move beside her, taking in the surrounding buildings.

- Wow...

I look at Lucy, who’s smiling at me. I momentarily pause on her outstretched hand.

- I know you’re afraid of heights, but you need to see this.

I take her hand without thinking. She carefully pulls me to the edge, which is protected by a safety railing. I hold onto the railing as she positions herself behind me to let me take in the new view.

- Look down...

I take a deep breath before looking. I’m momentarily overwhelmed by vertigo, but Lucy places her hands on my shoulders to ground me. I smile, appreciating what I see. It’s breathtaking. She’s showing me Manchester from above, and it’s a real spectacle. The streets are crowded with as many pedestrians as cars. Everyone continues their lives, unaware that we’re watching them. Walking across the city is so much more effective.

- Visiting in your style, huh?

- Absolutely, she smiles. Not so bad, this haunted building, huh?

- Shut up, I chuckle. Admit it’s scary!

- It’s true I was hesitant the first time I came here, she laughs. But it’s worth it, right?

- Yes! You can’t imagine the number of drawing ideas that have come to mind since this morning with everything you’ve shown me.

- Hey! Copyright then. These are my private spots.

- Is this the first time you’ve brought someone here? I ask curiously.

- Yes and no. Let’s say someone showed me these places, and... I’m showing them to you now.

She leans over the railing beside me to see the city. She looks at me for a moment, a smile forming on her lips.

- These are my personal places that I’m sharing with you. Make sure not to divulge them.

- I won’t say a word, as long as you tell me about the person who showed you these places.

She raises an eyebrow but smiles at the seriousness of my request. It’s a chance to learn more about her.

- It was my first girlfriend... My first love, I’d say. Her name was Kiera.

- What happened...? I ask softly.

Her eyes remain fixed on the city below us. She doesn’t say anything for now. Maybe my question was a mistake. I was about to speak, but she beats me to it.

- She was the first person we met here with Jenni. Let’s say she was a bit like you... She had drug problems she was trying to overcome. I helped her through a detox.

- Oh... I understand better now why you reacted so well with me...

- Yeah, it’s thanks to her, she laughs nervously. I had helped her get out of that. Or so I thought. Everything went wrong in a day. One of her friends called me in a panic. He said she wasn’t responding and he didn’t understand what was happening. My first reaction was to grab my keys and go to her. When I arrived, I just found my girlfriend’s body... She had overdosed.

A strange feeling washes over me. She told the story without any apparent emotion. There it is, her dark memory that she had kept hidden. I try to meet her green eyes, but to no avail. Her reprimands and worries about me become so much clearer. She doesn’t want me to become like her. She’s afraid of losing me like she lost her. It’s my turn to put my arm around her shoulders. She surprises me by resting her head on my shoulder.

- Please don’t fall back into that.

- I won’t. And if I’m feeling down, I’ll talk to you about it.

She ruffles my hair before kissing my cheek. It’s the first time she’s shown such an affectionate gesture towards me.

- Alright, we’ve had enough gloom for today. Do you have any particular desires for this afternoon?

- I thought you already had a full schedule?

- I do, but I prefer to ask you first.

- We’ll stick to your plan, just because I love what you organize.

- Alright, she says, standing up. We can go to Old Trafford if you want. Otherwise, I also saw there’s a street art exhibit nearby if you’re interested.

My eyes light up at the mention of her second suggestion. Her smile is amused.

- The exhibit, I suppose?

- Obviously!

- Good. However, it doesn’t start for another hour, she tells me, checking her watch. But we can take a walk in the park first if you like.

- Good idea, so we can do both.

I’ve always loved nature anyway, and it seems she does too. We head back to the car to reach the park, as it’s too far to walk from here according to Lucy. In any case, she’s truly gone above and beyond to make me happy until the end.

#woso #lucy bronze #woso community #barca femeni #ona batlle #woso soccer #lionesses #sefutbol fem #ona batlle x lucy bronze

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miss0atae · 4 months ago

Text

What love can do in Meet You at the Blossom and how it can shape your life (after Ep 3 & 4):

It took me a while to write this post because I changed its title so many times. I wasn't sure I was conveying my thoughts properly. I wanted to write about the healing power of love between Huai En and Xiao Bao, but I had so much to say before so this title didn't work anymore.

[gif by khunkinn] @khunkinn

It's not a coincidence you can find the same pattern in some of the characters from My Stand In and Meet You at the Blossom since they were written by the same writer. Huai En and Ming, both had shitty parenting when they were young and it mostly came from their father. More than Ming, Huai En was shaped by his relationship with his father. His mother and his father were childhood sweetheart who never got the chance to be together because she was taken away by Huai En's uncle and he made her as his concubine. We also learned Huai En was born out of wedlock. His uncle's legitimate wife was jealous and tried to kill Huai En and his mother. His father wanted to save them (mostly his mother I think) but failed and Huai En's mother died trying to save the father. Huai En and his father found a way to escape and he was raised to seek revenge for the death of his mother. However, it didn't make them close. Huai En's father seems to consider that his son is also partly responsible for the death of his mother. It's not yet explain why… but because of his bias Huai En's father unfairly treated his son. In episode 4, Huai En explains to Xiao Bao how his father beat and scold him during his childhood. Huai En had no other choice but to obey him “unconditionally” or he would suffer physical pain. We can also assume he suffered mentally too.

[gif by omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive] @omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive

Huai En has been having recurring nightmares about the mistreatment of his father. He seems to remember vividly trying to avoid falling from a cliff and found no help from his father. Quite the opposite, he was also mocked by his father. It is likely something he had experience while he was young and that became so traumatic that he can't forget it. We could say that Huai En is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder since this event. A father is supposed to care about his children. That's what we naturally expect from any “good” parents. It's hard to understand why his father thought his son should be responsible for his mother's death. We haven't had enough insight on what his going on in Huai En's father head. However, we know he is very controlling and don't let his son do what he wants in life. Huai En only purpose is to help him get the revenge he wants. Anything outside this is considered useless and unimportant. I don't think Huai En even got the chance to really know what he wants or dreams for outside this purpose. He doesn't get to voice his opinion or to have something just for him. He must live for his father's desire. It was shown during episode 4, when Huai En had a vision of his father telling me:

“Remember, you were born to redeem yourself for your mother’s sake. Don’t harbor unworthy thoughts for anyone of anything. Understand? Don’t even think of trying to escape. No matter where on Earth, you can’t escape from my grasp”.

I’m still trying to wrap my head over this fact. When Huai En told the story of how he was born, his mother was still alive. So I don’t get why his father would be so hard on him when he is supposed to be the love fruit of the love he had for his mother. I wonder if his father is the kind of man who would value his spouse over his child. We know his father has an obsessive love for his mother. It wasn’t just the “I want to avenge her” it feels more like “she was supposed to be mine and I lost her so I will enact my revenge”. Huai En’s father appears to have an overwhelming obsessive desire to possess and protect his lover and he has an inability to accept failure of keeping her alive. It doesn’t matter if to get his revenge he has to hurt his own son. I believe this type of love is the only one Huai En had ever experience so he doesn’t understand it’s not a normal or healthy way of loving someone. He must have avoided to be with anyone because the only love he knows is the one his father has for his mother. Love is a painful affair. It can lead to obsession and physical pain. That’s why he is so startled by Xiao Bao regular love confessions.

[gif by guzhufuren]

Xiao Bao had an entirely different childhood. His parents seem to have a healthy relationship and to love each other. Xiao Bao is their only son so they spoiled him and made sure he had a good life where he wants for nothing. You can see how they care for him and wants him to be happy. Since he was loved and taking care of, Xiao Bao grew up to be a nice person who is not shy to show his love. He never had to experience the “dark side” of love. For him, this is only a positive thing. He is also a very charming man; very genuine so when he fell in love with Huai En, he didn't dither and decided to pursue him. It didn't matter to him if Huai En wasn't the woman he thought he was. As long as there is love, it's enough for him. Compared to what Huai En is used to know about love, Xiao Bao's vision seems quite refreshing. Especially as they are in a time period where queer love was frown upon, Xiao Bao's view of love, gender and norms is fairly modern. He claims he will find a way of making their relationship being accepted by his parents. Why is he not afraid of claiming his love for Huai En, despite him being a man? It's because Xiao Bao is sure of his parents' love for him. This trust exists because he was raised this way.

[gif by guzhufuren] @guzhufuren

Xiao Bao may appear to be a fool, but he is more than what he seems. He isn't a great tactician or a skilled warrior, but he is knowledgeable when it comes to emotions. It was shown when he had a conversation about love and death with Xiao Bao. He admits that humans lives for emotions and desires and that you can be sad when you lose a loved one. However you can't be miserable all your life because of this. This vision of life is in opposition with everything Huai En has been taught from childhood. I would even say he was stunned. Xiao Bao understood that Huai En because of his past can't really understand what love is supposed to be and he is ready to teach him. I think he does have strong feelings for Huai En. He may pout or act silly sometimes, but when Huai En conceded if they were someone he truly wants to love, it would be Xiao Bao, it truly delighted him. He is not the kind of person to sulk for too long. He is so genuine and overjoyed. I'm not going to say it'll be easy for them. Even if Huai En despises his father's love for his mom and really wants to experience a healthy relationship, the way this love shaped his vision of life will have an impact on his relationship with Xiao Bao. You can quite see it when he is adamant about Xiao Bao having “no thought about others” or to never lie to him. This idea that Xiao Bao wants to be with him “forever” and not just be with him, kinda shows that his past will have an impact. However, I believe Xiao Bao's good nature may soften him.

[gif by ruanbaijie] @ruanbaijie

As he said himself to Huai En, his lover is “tough on outside, but soft inside”.

PS: I edited this post with better credits for the gif creators. I tagged all of you, I hope it's alright. If you prefer that I stopped using your gifs, don't hesitate to tell me. I'll do better with the credits on gif from now on.

#my thoughts #chinese bl #bl drama #bl series #meet you at the blossom #myatb #episode 3 #episode 4 #huaien x xiaobao #what love can do #took me a while to write it but I'm pleased with the result #I think I get consumed by my obsessions #I enjoy this series #gifs source: khunkinn / omgtheregoesthefuckidontgive / guzhufuren / ruanbaijie #thanks again for all the gifs!

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lvrslvt3 · 1 year ago

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LOVE IS A CHOICE | h. lewis

main masterlist | youtuber masterlist

pairings : harry lewis x reader

summary : harry’s insecurities causes the downfall of his own relationship.

warnings : swearing, arguing, just a whole of sadness.

notes : thanks for all the love on my first harry fic (and my first fic ever) i greatly appreciate it!!

“walk out of that door,” you pointed your finger in the direction of your flat door, “and we’re fucking done. i mean it, harry.” you threat with your voice very audibly shaking with the overwhelming emotions you were experiencing.

he felt awful, seeing you in this state, but his mind was set. this would be better for you no matter how much it hurt at first. you would come to your senses quickly and live a better life and he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for that.

harry stopped just as he was about to walk away from you, from your life together, to prepare himself for the heavy lie about to be forced through his lips — one that would break his heart just as it will yours.

slowly, he turned his head back to face you. “you can’t end anything that was never there.” your face immediately broke, and his heart broke so violently he was surprised it didn’t create any noise. there was no coming back from this.

you shook her head and opened your mouth but nothing came out except a small, choking sob that you quickly covered up by closing your mouth again. you weren’t going to break down infront of him, you wanted to look strong.

he didn’t deserve to see that he had so clearly hit a nerve, that he had just broken down the girl he had previously built back up. you just needed him to leave so you could be alone.

finally, he turned again and left your flat with a loud slam of the front door. your sobs echoed through his head as the door closed behind him for good — now he had to face the future alone.

the more harry didn’t want you, the harder you tried. however, the harder you tried the more he didn’t want you. you didn’t know what you had done to deserve the treatment you had received from him that night. there was only thing you knew for sure; you couldn’t let it break you. atleast not on the outside.

so, in hopes of proving to everyone you was coping well you had agreed to a brunch date with talia in which you both sat at the back of a restaurant and spoke of your feelings. you had tried to avoid the topic but talia knew you to well.

she was the only one you could confide in. she was the only shoulder you let myself sob into when you couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore. she was your rock through it all. talia understood it was more than a breakup you were experiencing; it was grief of losing harry lewis.

your closest friend, sat across from you, swirled her plastic straw around her glass cup, glancing up at you after taking a sip. “do you still love him?” she questioned in a gentle tone that made you want to start crying again.

you didn’t answer properly at first. you hummed just before you took a large sip of your drink infront of you to try and delay the inevitable. talia would not leave you alone until she knew you were okay.

a mere three seconds later, a hand landed on top of yours, rubbing over the skin on top and taking you away from your own consuming thoughts. talia held your hand until you finally found the courage to answer out loud truthfully.

“i don’t think i’ll ever stop.” you words seemed to upset talia. it only proved how much she cared for you — that she felt your emotions with you to let you know you weren’t alone in this. “i just don’t know if we’re meant for each other.”

talia gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, “you should speak to him.” she advised you, “maybe you’re not meant for each other now, but end it in good terms just incase.”

you weren’t sure wether or not to go along with her advice, but at the end of the day you knew that you couldn’t move on from him properly without knowing what you had done to destroy your relationship.

harry answered your late night text straight away and agreed to come over to yours only the next day. infact, he arrived an hour earlier than you both had agreed upon. mostly because he was too nervous to wait around.

now, you stood across from your ex boyfriend with only the kitchen island to separate you from eachother. you leaned against the counter in hopes it would keep you upright throughout this tough conversation that neither of you were ready for.

“did i do anything to make you stop loving me?” the questioned rolled off of your tongue as if it was a casual conversation topic, like you were talking about what to have for dinner instead of why your relationship fell apart so quickly.

harry couldn’t meet your eyes. instead, he was fixating on the ground beneath him. “i never stopped loving you.” finally he met your adamant gaze, “i just…” he shrugged as he tried to find his words, “if i don’t like who i am, why should you?”

you hung your head down onto your hands. you was beyond stressed. you had finally pieced it together — he didn’t stop loving you but instead stopped loving himself, which led to lots of miscommunication. however, you felt that surely he loved you enough to not let you go.

“but how could you leave me so easily?” you pestered him once again, causing his jaw to clench tightly and his eyes to move away from you once again. other than that his body was rigid, as if he was afraid to move.

he had planned this whole conversation out. he knew how this needed to end for your sake and he was willing to do anything for it. even if that meant going through this.

“it’s not easy, y/n, but it’s for the better.” harry finally looked up at his ex girlfriend that had been staring at him the whole time — looking exceedingly dejected. “you have to understand i don’t want to do this, i need to.”

“harry—“

“please, y/n.” harry interrupted you with an begging tone in his voice, “you don’t deserve me, you don’t deserve this,” he used his hand to gesture between the both of you, “i love you, i always will, but this doesn’t feel right.”

he began to grow frustrated. he shook his hands while he spoke in a way to try and get his correct emotions across without making this situation any worse than it already was. “please, y/n.” he turned desperate.

you didn’t want to argue anymore, he wasn’t changing his mind no matter what you said or did. his mind was set on leaving you no matter how much it hurt you to admit to yourself. you didn’t know if what you both had was true love, but it was the closest you had ever gotten.

“okay, harry.” you spoke with a despondent glaze over your eyes, you had lost all hope. you walked over to the other side to stand by harry, “whatever you need.” your voice broke through the sentence.

harry stood there, looking at the woman he loves, his heart heavy with longing despite their current situation. you looked back at him, your eyes locking, and you both knew what the other was feeling. despite all of it, you still had a feeling of mutual respect and understanding for harry.

he leaned closer, to try and kiss you, but before he can you pulled away. “i can’t.” your voice was merely above a whisper. the words still left harry speechless while you turned and walked away. leaving him in the kitchen staring at where you had disappeared to, looking mournful.

love is just not a feeling. it’s a choice that people made every day, and you had to chose to stop expressing your love for harry so he could learn to love himself properly. he needed to be there for himself to enjoy what you two had.

nothing compared to harry, but you would wait for him.

#youtuber x reader #harry lewis #harry lewis x reader #harrylewisimagines #wroetoshaw imagine #wroetoshaw x reader #wroetoshaw #w2s #w2s x reader #w2s fic #w2s imagine #youtube fanfic #youtube #sidemen

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wordstome · 1 year ago

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Single Dad!König (Dream Daddy au)

(+ a bit of Ghost under the cut)

Thank you to everyone who indulged (said exactly what I asked them to say 😅) me.

Here’s the paragraph I wrote:

I imagine his heart sinking when Ava comes home sad and quiet, unwilling to look her dad in the eye. He recognizes what that means: that used to be him as a kid. His worst fears are confirmed when Ava admits she's being harassed by a boy at school, replaced by anger when Ava says her teachers simply shrugged and told her that boys will be boys, and has she considered that maybe he just has a crush on her? Needless to say, by the time König's walking out of that school, nobody will ever be hurting his little girl ever again. Honestly, one glimpse of Ava's dad by her classmates will keep her free from bullying for the rest of her life.

Now here’s a bit more about single dad König, namely, how he came to be a dad…and single :( Angst and death tw ahead (nothing graphic)

With Ghost, I said he would only have had Caden due to an accident, because of Simon’s previous trauma involving his family. He was firmly in the mindset that he would die in the field, he’s just not built for civilian life anymore, he's a danger to everyone who loves him. However, when Caden shows up at his doorstep, all he can think about is Tommy and his nephew Joseph when he looks at the boy. He probably does his best to get Caden sent to a different family member, but let’s suspend our disbelief that any responsible social worker would leave a kid with Simon “Ghost” Riley for a moment and say that the social worker is like “It’s you or the foster care system.” Realistically, Simon would probably be like “foster care is safer than living with me” but for the purposes of the AU, he took the kid in.

With König, he doesn’t have the same trauma/hangups regarding kids and family. He’s in the same boat as Simon: he’s a human weapon, and can’t function properly in civilian life. For König, his work is an outlet and keeps him stable. I’m gonna have to sit down and make a proper post about my König’s character (Alexander), but for my König, violence is a method of regulating his emotions and a way to manage his anxiety. Having power and being hyper competent in the field is key to his mental stability. However, I think he would be able to settle down, it would just take a very patient, special woman. (For the purposes of the AU his first partner is AFAB she/her.) Here’s where I start breaking hearts… 🤭

In Dream Daddy au, König considers his first wife the love of his life. She deeply understood him as a person and wasn’t afraid of him, even when he was socially awkward and intimidating. They were honestly kindred spirits: both of them had their neuroses and flaws, but instead of trying to fix each other or mold the other into some ideal partner, they accepted each other and thus were able to grow together. (And tbh they were already a match made in heaven anyway.) König’s wife never asked him to quit, and was completely ready to raise a child with him frequently being gone. She was a badass woman, and she really, really wanted to start a family with him, so they had Ava.

For three years, König was probably the happiest he’s been in a long time, and if you asked him he’d probably say it was the happiest time in his life. He was moving up the ranks at work, his mental health was in check, and he had a wife and adorable little daughter to go home to every leave. He started planning to transfer to a safer/more stable position, because as much as the military has done for him, he’s ready to step up as a father and a husband. Then he gets a call that changes his life forever, and suddenly he doesn’t get a choice anymore.

(I'm eternally sorry to the little fictional people I made up in my head because I entertained the idea of putting the Brooklyn 99 "Guess who got murdered!" gif here...)

One thing y'all need to know about my man Alexander is that he is the embodiment of "I am not meant for casual. I was born for soul-crushing devotion." His problem is that he never had devotion before his wife: he craved it like a starving man, and it engulfed him like water flowing into a basin when he got it. He had it for a handful of years (I'm thinking 6 but that's a flexible number), and now it's gone again. You know in movies when something horrible happens and they cut all the noise and there's just a high pitched ringing sound? That's König getting that phone call.

God. All I can imagine is König dropping everything and taking the next flight home. He’s in a daze, in a way that he’s never quite been before. His mind is finally quiet, but the emptiness is not peaceful. Then he finally sees his little girl, she runs into his arms, and the dam bursts. He just holds her and cries. He’s numb, a dead man walking throughout all the business that needs to be taken care of after his wife’s death. The only thing that brings him back to the land of the living is Ava. She’s so small, so sweet, and she doesn’t really understand what death means: all she knows is that her mama’s gone somewhere, and her dad is so, so sad all the time. She’s all that keeps him going, and the only reason he keeps himself alive.

By the time you come into his life, it’s been several years, but Ava is still a little girl. She doesn’t remember her mother at all except what König tells and shows her, because he’s determined to keep her memory alive. König’s been slowly rebuilding who he is as a person from whatever scraps are left. There’s a gaping hole inside him, and he’s reconstructed himself around the hole. In some ways he’s a totally new man, in other ways, he’s gone back to who he was before his wife came along. He’s bitter and angry at the way his life has treated him just as he was as a young man, but now he’s swallowed up by guilt and self loathing. He's gotten better at coping and functioning as the years have passed and life has continued on, but his grief has never really gone away.

(alexa, play "right where you left me" by taylor swift)

#HERE BUCCA GOES WRITING ESSAYS ABOUT A FICTIONAL MAN AGAIN #i spared you guys the 2 extra paragraphs about König’s changed perspective on death and mortality #könig #konig #könig cod #konig cod #simon ghost riley #simon riley #cod #call of duty #cod mw2 #dream daddy au

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sundew199 · 24 days ago

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Never Lose Me snippets

In honor of my Post-Rumbling Fic being completed, I wanted to put together some of my favorite moments/snippets from each chapter because I love it so much and I've become extremely attached to it. This is probably some of my best writing and I'm super proud of it. This is only the first ten chapters and I'll probably make a part two, just so this isn't ridiculously long.

Warnings/tags: mentions of suicide in chapter one's snippet. Postpartum depression implied in Chapter 10's snippet. This is a f!reader x reiner fic, the story is centered around Reiner creating a building a family with you post-rumbling.

Chapter One: A journal entry from one of Reiner's journals after he attempted, something you were unaware of and stumbled upon:

"I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, want to vomit when I catch a glimpse of what I am, who I was and what I’ll never be. I don’t deserve anything, I deserve to die, rot away in a nameless grave for all that I’ve done. I’m not a good person, I’m the epitome of everything opposite.

I should be dead, I don’t know why I hesitated on blowing my head off. I guess it's because I couldn’t get her face out of my head, her eyes and how’d I rip everything she holds dear if I went through with it. An early death wouldn’t be so different from when I pass on the armor, I can’t be with her forever. Then again that’s what I deserve. She deserves better, deserves a man who doesn’t recoil at his own image and cries himself to sleep as memories flash repeatedly at night.

I can’t allow myself to be selfish anymore, even if I so badly want to spend the rest of my life with her, as unrealistic as it sounds. She’ll live to old age and I’ll die at 25 and become nothing but a faded memory to her. I have so many regrets, more than I can count on two hands, but I think my biggest one was going through with the warrior program and signing my life away when I could’ve spent it with her.

I’d give anything to wake up next to her in our own house, with kids running around in the early morning begging for us to get up and make them breakfast. I’d fucking break through wall Maria all over again if it meant I could have that.

I’ll love her till my last breath even knowing her love for me will fade over time. "

His reassurance after you stumbled upon the journal and read what he wrote: "Reiner could see the hurt written across your face and saw how you took his explanation. Even if you knew just you alone wouldn’t be enough for him to mend the wounds that were his trauma, it hurt hearing how he wanted to give up. You were glad he didn’t but it stung as if he did.

“Hey look at me.” Gently guiding you back to face him, thumbs brushing away the stray tears that ran down the old ones dried to your face. “If it weren’t for you and putting so much faith in me I wouldn’t be standing here in this kitchen. You’ve been the grounding force all my life, my reason to keep going, my reason to be better than who I was. I owe you who I am right now and I thank the universe every single day that we crossed paths, everyday sweetheart.”

The tremble in your bottom lip increased by a ten fold, allowing yourself to go limp in his hands for him to catch you, wrapping you in the familiar embrace that was him. You needed him as much as he needed you, bound together smoothly and seamlessly to always be the salve to each other's wounds, the reminder that it will get better.

Time carried on in the kitchen, calming yourself in his arms with your face pressed to his chest. There was no urgency on his end, allowing you all the time to let everything out. When you pulled away, he smoothed the sides of your face from any remaining tears, pecking your lips."

Chapter Two: Proposing to you.

"His hand came to cup the side of your face, turning you in for a kiss. You smiled into it, placed your palm on the nape of his neck and stood on your tiptoes to meet him properly. The kiss turned into several, languid and deep, all laced with the love so strongly intertwined into your beings. Reiner pulled away, pecked your lips twice more and embraced you.

“You are my everything, my other half.” Pulling away, running his hands up and down your arms. His adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, words he wanted to speak turning his throat dry with emotion. “I can’t ever tell you how happy you make me, how lucky I am that my love for you wasn’t unrequited. You are my angel, sent to me when the universe knew I needed you most, without you sweetheart I wouldn’t be standing here, sharing this moment with you.”

He smiled bashfully, pulling his arms away and shoving one of his hands into the pocket where the ring box was, clutching it tightly. He warmed under your expression to his words, the soft smile creasing your red cheeks. Ignoring the constant flipping of his stomach, the dryness in his throat and sweat beading on his neck, Reiner began again, lowering down to one knee. Instantly you gasped, hands over your mouth and your body shaking with near instant tears that hadn’t fallen yet.

“From the moment I met you on that sidewalk in Liberio, when I was ten years old I knew I had to find some way to make sure you would be in my life. Even when I thought I wouldn’t live to see thirty, I still wanted to marry you, wanted to share a life with the woman who became the other half of my heart.” His voice shook, laughing cumbersomely and finally bringing out the ring box from his pocket.

You were sobbing before him, stifling your tears of happiness as best as you could. Reiner’s entire body trembled as he fought to find the next words to go along with the famous four.

“There is nothing else in this world that I have ever been so sure of, what was once a hopeless dream that I knew I had to make a reality when I was given a second chance, a second chance with you and to make the most of this life and cherish you like you deserve.” Pausing, Reiner blinked the few tears that escaped, opening the top of the box to reveal the ring he spent so much of his time fussing over.

“Which is why I brought you out here tonight, to ask you a very important question sweetheart. Will you marry me?”

Chapter Three: His Doubts on Fatherhood:

"Saying that outloud was a lot for him at that moment, a vague statement that held layers upon layers beneath it. Reiner knew his most inner insecurity was failing as a partner and now add father to that list and he was a mess with unrationalized thoughts about what could or couldn’t go wrong. Not having a dad growing up and seeking out said father and finding out he had nothing to do with him rewired him that day. Reiner didn’t want for one second that his future son or daughter felt unwanted by him, to not see the lengths he went to to make sure they were loved and cherished by him, that they were all he could’ve asked for. He knew the nursery not being done when they arrived wouldn’t matter to a newborn baby, but it mattered to him.

“Why’s that?” Came your tentative voice, one of your hands resting over his hand and your thumb rubbing soothing circles on the inside of his wrist.

“Because I want them to feel appreciated and wanted before they arrive, to know that I want them in my life and that I’m excited to be their dad. I know a newborn baby isn’t going to know or comprehend any of that so I guess it’s more for me, to make up for what I didn’t have.”

He wanted to cringe at how selfish that sounded, but he was telling you the truth. This baby would never experience what it felt like to be unwanted, to go to the farthest lengths to earn approval from him. Reiner would die before he ever allowed his children to feel an ounce of what he felt growing up. Finishing the nursery may have been seen as something not as important to anyone else, but to him it was the first step to being anything but what his mother and father were to him.

“Reiner. This baby is already so loved. I know how important all of this is to you, but I feel like you’re trying to prove something to me as well, which you don’t have to.”

Tears were burning at the corners of his eyes, blinking rapidly so he wouldn’t embarrass himself over crying in the kitchen over old buried trauma. Frustration simmered inside him often when he felt the weight of old wounds resurface after so many years, so sure that he’d healed from it at this point. Even with your constant reminders that healing was never linear and that it was okay, Reiner at times felt pathetic for letting it affect him like it did.

“I just want to be a good dad, I’m scared that I’ll get in my own head and fail and be like my dad and I don’t want that. Even though I’ve wanted kids and I’m so excited, it’s overwhelming sweetheart.” A thumb came to brush the tear that slid down his cheek, inhaling a shaky breath and shuffling his weight on his feet. Reiner hated that this was overwhelming when it’s all he’d ever wanted. Grappling with new emotions and situations was never his strong suit and he hated that about himself sometimes, he wished it were easier to carry the stress of an impending arrival such as this one, but by god he was overwhelmed and scared and channeling that into working and finishing the nursery along with various other things for you and the baby.

Chapter Four: After his daughter is born:

"A quick glance over to him and Reiner was crying, holding Maisie just under his chin and repeatedly kissing the crown of her head. Her fists were curled tightly to his shirt, holding onto Reiner as if she knew it would comfort him. Seeing your fiance so emotional at such random had the all too familiar lump forming in your throat.

“I’m sorry - it just feels like I’ve been dreaming, that I’m going to wake up back in warrior barracks in Liberio.” Choking out on a whisper, tipping his head back so the tears wouldn’t roll down his cheeks too quickly. A smaller hand that belonged to you, landed over his that was cradling Maisie to his chest, offering your presence. “I don’t know why I’m having the sudden realization now that this is real when she’s six weeks old I- fuck sweetheart this is real right, I’m not going to wake up.”

A quiver began in your bottom lip hearing the plea in his tone, like he was so afraid this would all fade from existence, slip from his fingers as he tried to hold on. Forming the words of reassurance were a struggle, mouth running try as you mouth silent words to a response. That seems to prompt a further reaction from him, blinking rapidly and forcing a smile, pulling you tighter to him.

“Yes, this is…this is real Reiner, you're not going to lose this. You’re going to wake up in your bed in the home you built, next to me and next to your daughter.” Finally managing to say a few words, though your voice was so strained from keeping the tears at bay you feared he might’ve not heard you.

His head bobbed in understanding, pressing his lips to the crown of Maisie’s hair and squeezing his eyes shut. What once was a broken, scarred man who convinced himself he was worthy of nothing but an early death, sat beside you a man who couldn’t be more grateful for the life he had, the life he swore would never come to fruition. Reiner inhaled sharply, lifting his head up and back to take in a few deep breaths.

“I mean it when I saw you’re the greatest thing that’s happened to me, you’ve given me a family sweetheart, made me a father and will make me your husband. You and Maisie are my entire world, my entire purpose.” His hand came to cradle the back of your head, looking at you with glossy eyes that swirled with endless amounts of love and appreciation for the impact you had on his life. Tears were falling down both of your cheeks, Reiner wiping the one he could with his thumb and letting out a few laughs, amused that his uncontainable emotions were bringing you both to tears. Maisie remained unfazed on his chest, sleepily blinking back at you, bringing a tender smile to your lips.

“I’d choose you all over again if I had to, every single time sweetheart.” Sealing his words with a tentative kiss, allowing it to linger even if it was only meant to be short, swiping his thumb over your cheek once more for added adoration. Your hand wrapped around his wrist, bringing it to you so you could plant a kiss on his palm."

Chapter Five: A conversation you had with Pieck about her grief post-rumbling and planning for a wedding:

“Perfect, she can help us with the wedding planning, maybe wait till she’s old enough so she can be a little flower girl.”

Warmly you smiled at Pieck, touched that she wanted to involve Maisie in her wedding. She’d make the cutest flower girl for sure, steal the show from the new couple by accident, but Jean or Pieck wouldn’t care, Maisie couldn’t help it.

“How is the wedding planning going?”

“It’s…it’s a work in progress. Jean and I are so busy half of the time there’s barely any time to discuss. I know he for sure wants to try and have it back in Paradis.”

“Really? How do you feel about that?”

A shift in emotions crossed her face, weakly giving you that somber smile. Pieck was guarded, a lot more since the rumbling, losing everything like everyone else did, but also losing so much more at the same time.

“I’m really not sure. His parents are back in Paradis so of course I understand that, but my dad is buried here and so is…everyone else.”

Your heart clenched, remembering the day you attended the small funeral for Mr.Finger and not too long after helping with the small grave sight for the friends who never got to see the end of the war. Marcel, Porco, Bertholdt and Colt all had headstones made in commemoration, not too far from the town hall. Reiner, Annie and Pieck visited often, as did you before Maisie. Though small and something dear to the four of you, the gesture and connection was there.

“I’m sure Jean understands.”

“I haven’t mentioned it.”

“Pieck…”

She sighed, tapping her nails on the table and looking around the cafe. You had a feeling you knew why she hadn’t mentioned it to Jean, the almost relationship she had with Porco and the time it took for her to accept his death. Like Reiner, there was a weight that crashed down after the rumbling, the weight of losing everything and realizing you'll never get to see some people ever again.

“I know I should, but I don’t want him to take it the wrong way.”

“How would he take it the wrong way?” Questioning her gently, careful not to pry too much into her relationship. Maisie smacked at the table, innocently unaware of the heavy emotions hovering between you and Pieck.

“I don’t know, I’m probably overthinking this. I just wanted to get married here, because… I want our friends to see us get married.”

Anguish of a different kind came over you, reaching for Pieck’s hand and lightly squeezing it. The tonnage of losing people you considered family would never go away, shadowing over happy and joyful events that were intended for celebration. You felt a little bit of it after Maisie was born, wishing Bertholdt were here to meet his best friend's daughter. Reiner never said, but you knew.

“Talk to Jean about it, it’s your wedding too and I have a strong feeling he’ll understand and the two of you will come to a compromise.”

The small signature smile came from her, nodding softly and squeezing your hand back finally."

Chapter Six: the aftermath of your daughter turning one:

"When he returned, you waited for him, curling into his chest when his arms came around you. The attempts to lull you to sleep with the gentle motions of his hand rubbing up and down began to work until you shifted and reached for your book. Instead of grabbing it from the drawer of your nightstand, your fingers grasped the soft fabric of something, pulling it out to reveal the baby blanket you brought Maisie home from the hospital in. You’d put it in there a long time ago so you’d never lose it, a small keepsake from when she was a newborn.

Bottom lip trembling seeing how small the fabric was, instantly reminding you that at one point she was that small. You sniffled and let out a sob, clutching it to your chest and curling back into Reiner. He called your name repeatedly, confused by the sudden turn around of events.

Finally, looking at him through the tears you spoke.

“She was so little, Reiner she was so little. What happened?”

Unable to see the relieved smile on his face as you’d buried yours in his chest, Reiner bit back the little chuckle and squeezed you close. He held you while you cried, the emotions of your baby turning one crashing down all at once. If you knew all it took was looking at the blanket she came home in, then maybe you would’ve done this earlier, get all the emotions out beforehand.

Pulling you away, Reiner wiped your tears and let out a sigh. His face read of endearing smugness, the kind when he knew eventually all your worries would be solved. Part of you felt as if he was simply waiting for a moment like this, knowing it was bound to come.

“Do you feel better?”

“No?! Our baby is one, I feel sick.”

He laughed then, hauling you into his lap and using his hand to tuck your head under his chin, rocking you as if you were Maisie, which actually turned out to be kind of soothing.

“It’s only going to get worse from here.”

“Thanks, I feel so much better.” Sarcastically sniffling, rolling your eyes even if he couldn’t see.

Kissing the top of your head, a mischievous chuckle rumbled in his throat, already knowing he was just going to continue to add on.

“She’ll start talking in full sentences. Eventually waking us up in the middle of the night to crawl into bed with us.”

“Stooop.” Whining on top of him, purposely interrupting his ramblings for the sake of your emotional stability.

“Then she’ll be begging you to put bows in her hair, braid it and style it how you want. Insist on following you around everywhere, turning into a mini you.”

“She’s already growing so fast, she walked for the first time all by herself today.”

Unable to help the small sniffle and tears once you remember Maisie hit another milestone today, Reiner paused for a moment, bringing you up to look at him. His eyes were misty, the attempt to pester you backfired.

“Yeah, but she’ll always be our little girl, our Maisie.” Whispering and fighting the tremble in his bottom lip with a weak smile.

Thumbing over the quivering lip, you pressed a small kiss to his lips, curling back into him with your face pressed into the side of his neck."

Chapter Seven: Yours and Reiner's wedding vows.

Reiner's to you: "Instead of reaching for the cards stuffed in his pocket, his head dipped in one final composure of his emotions before looking back up to meet you in the eye.

“From the moment I met you sixteen years ago it was love at first sight, even if ten year old me didn’t exactly know what that was, I can guarantee it was. When I had to leave for Paradis the first time all those years ago, I promised myself I would make it back, not for Marley or the brass but for you. I didn’t have a grasp on why my heart yearned for you all those years away, but I finally understood when I saw you standing there on that dock, meeting me in each other's arms.” His voice shook further and further with every word he spoke, noticing the two tear stains on your cheeks. Sucking in a deep breath, Reiner kissed your knuckles and continued.

“You didn’t have to care for me the way you did when I returned, didn’t have to reassure a broken man who saw himself so unworthy in his own eyes, didn’t have to stay up late with me all those nights when I couldn’t sleep, but you did. You showed me unconditional love and understanding after five years apart, never judged when at the time that was all I felt deserving of. You mended the broken pieces of my heart and soul with your attentive care, brought the light back into my dark life, helped me push through each day. You were my second chance at life, my reason to keep going even when I thought living to my thirties was never going to happen. So when I saw you again in Fort Salta, I promised myself to be the man you deserve, be the father our daughter deserves, because there aren’t enough words to express how much I love you, how much you mean to me and how you shape this heart of mine, I never want to leave this world without saying I love you.”

Yours to Reiner: "The faint sniffles from the friends and family watching on was nothing but a buzz in his ears, training his eyes on yours and watching the emotion swirl. Reiner kissed your hands one last time, holding them between your bodies and waiting for you to speak. When you were composed enough, you let out a little laugh with the tremble in your lip.

“Crossing paths with you changed my life forever, even if our first encounter was brief. I will admit I never understood the infatuation you had for me, why you pestered me endlessly and always ended up by my side. When I dropped out of the program, I was scared I wouldn’t get to see you again, but of course you made it a point to walk with me to and from the headquarters, even if it potentially made you late to training. I realized my crush for you right before you left, feeling so blindsided and wondering if I’d ever get to see the bright blonde boy who loved to point out the butterflies on our walks home again.”

Your hands shook in his, Reiner quickly seeing the turn of your emotions for what you were about to say next, bracing himself for the tears that were building in his waterline and the lump rising in his throat.

“When you did return, I was so happy to have my best friend back, so excited to mess around like before you left, but I realized that boy was buried deep inside you. I knew you weren’t lost completely even though some nights spent in your apartment I questioned if there was a light at the never ending tunnel. I never had any concrete reasoning for staying by your side when you returned, just wanting you to be okay and scared I would lose the one person who made my heart flutter when I saw them. I know you feel as if you’ll never truly be the man I deserve and I want to tell you that you’re wrong. You’ve always been a man worth loving, a man worth a life full of happiness and health, worthy of a family and friends who see you for who you are. You’ve always been the other half of my heart before I even realized it and I could live a thousand lifetimes and still not be able to tell you how much I love you.”

Chapter eight: Yours and Reiner's daughter feeling her younger sibling kick for the first time.

"Smiling at the following question, Maisie crawled over your leg to get to Reiner, climbing onto him like a tree and poking next to the corner of his eye. You watched as he praised her for the correct answers and the gentle correction at the wrong ones. Reiner went over the features of his face until he started to point to different ones and wait for her to respond. And Maisie did flawlessly, still working on some of the pronunciations but both of you knew what she was trying to say.

“Baby.”

Your daughter had rotated her head in your direction, pointing at your stomach. Reiner shared a look of awe with you, neither of you had mentioned that often there was a baby in your stomach but Maisie knew and both of you were a little shocked to say the least.

“That’s right, there's a baby in Mommy’s tummy.” Patting the center of your abdomen as you confirmed her observation. Even though Maisie had just pointed it out, she looked a little perplexed, moving to sit between you and Reiner, staring at your stomach.

Lifting the hem of your shirt until the small bump was revealed, you rested your hand at the crown, watching your daughter's eyes widen in even more fascination. Like she was scared something was to happen, Maisie reached her tiny hand out and rested it on the side of your stomach. Eyes blinking so slowly as her mind turned with pondering, working out the complexities of your pregnancy that she now suddenly became aware of.

A flutter rippled under your hand, barely noticeable at first but when the action repeated your eyes widened. If you were correct, the baby just kicked for the first time, and patiently you waited to see if they would do it again.

“Reiner.”

“Hm?” Taking his eyes off of Maisie to see what you wanted, having to balance his weight quickly as you grabbed his wrist to place his hand where yours was. At first he questioned what you were doing until he felt the tiny kick. The air in his throat hitched, body completely frozen as he waited for the baby to do it again. Maisie had been watching you two, not sure why your eyes were wide and bodies so still, so she moved her hand next to Reiner’s, feeling left out.

Instantly, your husband guided her hand to where his once was, placing his comically larger one over Maisie’s and waiting on bated breath for the baby to hopefully kick just one more time. It would be an experience for your daughter, feeling her sibling kick in the womb in her presence and you hoped they would cooperate.

Sighing in relief when the kick came, Maisie jolted a little, unsure of what that was, looking back at Reiner for answers.

“That’s your brother or sister Mais, say hi.” Speaking softly by her ear and smiling with pride, encouraging his daughter to greet her sibling.

“Hi…”

You were melting on the spot, seeing Maisie timidly acknowledge the baby even if they couldn’t hear her, Reiner sharing the same look as you. A few moments passed with occasional kicks and Reiner guiding his daughter's hand around your stomach to entice them to keep making their presence known. With each one, Maisie smiled, even if she wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling, she knew just by the looks on yours and Reiner’s face that it was a good thing.

When the kicks couldn’t be felt anymore, you pulled your shirt back down and curled up next to Reiner, with Maisie beginning to doze off in your lap. The soft pats from your palm and the occasional threading of your fingers in her hair, she loses her battle with sleep quickly."

Chapter nine: doubts about being a good mom.

"“What’s wrong?” Murmuring, letting your hands fall in your lap and running his own up and down your arms. As he waited for your response, he tried to think of any possible reason why you could be upset, wanting to have his own comforting words ready the moment you were.

“I’m just worried over everything .”

Reiner softened, nodded for you to keep going. “I feel stupid for all this anxiety when we’ve already done this, but what if Maisie doesn’t like the baby and lashes out? How am I going to take care of two kids when you’re at work? What if I can’t-”

“You can.” Cutting you off despite knowing there was probably so much more on your mind you needed to voice. A deep sigh exhaled through his nose, taking a moment to wipe your tears and kiss the little salt stains they left behind on your now flushed cheeks. Understanding how you felt, feeling similar to before Maisie was born, Reiner moved to take you into his arms for an embrace. The soft strands of your hair tickled the side of his face, threading through with his fingers for further comfort. He could hear the further cries into his shoulder, letting his arms tighten around you.

“I know it’s been a lot for you recently, but sweetheart you know I’m going to be here. You know I’m going to go out of my way to be there and help you out, even if I am at work.” Pulling you away so he could look you in the eyes as he spoke. Reiner couldn’t help but give a silent chuckle when he scanned over your face, looking so much like Maisie when she got upset. Dipping down for a small soft kiss, he held the sides of your face as he gave you the most affectionate look he could muster.

“You are an incredible woman, mother and wife. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that you won’t be able to handle both of them because you’re smart, caring and face every obstacle with a calm, sound mind. Everything is going to work out one way or another.” Affirming to you once more that there wasn’t anything you couldn’t do nor face alone if Reiner could help it. His commitment would always be to you no matter what, be there for you like you were for him in trying times. Even if he were away and you needed him, Reiner would break and bend laws to be by your side, it was the least he could do for all that you had done for him.

“I just don’t know why I’m so worked up over this?” Wiping your nose on the back of your hand, looking up at him and then back down to your stomach. Reiner followed your gaze, carefully climbing over you to sit beside you, quickly checking on Maisie as she napped.

“Because it’s an entirely new situation, for the both of us, double the responsibility. We don’t know what it's like to raise more than one kid and that’s okay, it’s all about figuring it out as we go.” Running his finger lightly over your bump, then palming it in the center. Reiner would admit that he’d had thoughts like yours recently, nothing to this extreme, moreso worried about the present, forcing himself the reminders that he would face the future when it came.

“Yeah.”

Your response was plain, but reduced of the worry and uncertainty. Hooking the hand on your bump under your chin, Reiner laid the last of his comfort into the kiss he pressed to your lips. Whatever anxiety remained, melted off of you as you kissed him back, quickly wrapped in the blanket that were his words and actions. Reiner kissed your forehead, reaching over to bring Maisie back to his arms.

“You’ll be okay, I’ll always make sure of it.”

Slouching against the headboard once he was readjusted, he reached for your hand, stroking his thumb over the top. Whatever life had to throw this way, Reiner made the same promise over and over again, to be everything and more to you, till the day he drew his last breath."

Chapter ten: dealing with postpartum depression after yours and Reiner's son his born.

“I’m sorry.” Trembling words left your lips, sounding so pathetic and weak. You were pulled off so you could look him in the eyes, concern laced with sternness was what you were met with.

“For what?” Asking as if it were a rhetorical question, holding the side of your tear swollen face and dabbing a few of the tears away with his hand.

“For…for I don’t know, he wouldn’t calm down or stop crying and I tried everything but it wouldn’t work.”

Your husband somehow softened and hardened at your words. Reiner wasn’t truly upset with the situation, moreso with the fact that you immediately turned apologetic for being unable to calm Gabriel down. There were no signs that this was inherently your fault, and Reiner knew things would be testy with your emotions a good while after giving birth. Navigating these emotions were like walking on crack glass high in the sky, stepping lightly and weighing his words and actions to keep from everything shattering. It pained him like no other that you were a mush of emotions, knowing how mentally taxing it was on you. If somehow it were possible for him to carry all of that for you, he would.

“Sweetheart, there’s nothing to apologize for. Sometimes babies get that way and it just takes more time to calm them down, you know that.” Wrapping an arm around your waist and hauling you into his lap. Dexterous fingers glided along your flushed, tear stained cheeks, looking at you with pure adoration. Reiner knew you were bearing the weight of being strong and capable as he returned to work earlier than expected. He hated that you felt the need to do that, his promises were still true and he would uphold every last one to ensure your emotional and mental health.

“But you just got home from work and immediately had to take care of the situation. I didn’t even have dinner ready, nor did I greet you.” Your words turned into apologetic ramblings, overexplaining to make up for the situation at hand.

Sweetheart,” Brushing a thumb along your bottom lip to quiet the shaking words leaving your lips. “It’s okay, I don’t expect any of that when I get home. I care about seeing the three of you, that’s it. And it doesn’t matter if I just walked in the door and you need help, I’m your husband and their dad, it's the bare minimum of what’s expected of me.”

His words were like a wall of truth smacking you in the face, not wanting to accept it. Your husband deserved to come home and relax for a bit before jumping into parental duties, at least that was your reasoning. Reiner already had so much to handle and throwing more on him just felt…wrong. It was a way of showing your appreciation towards him, a little out of the ordinary but you couldn’t think of any other way at the moment.

“I’m just-'' Taking in a shuddering breath, squeezing your eyes shut for the confession you were about to let out. “I’m just so tired. They both need all of my attention and I want to do everything I can to give it to them but I feel so drained and I know that makes me sound like a bad mom. It’s not fair that you’re not here and it’s even worse for me to just dump more on your plate when you get home, I hate it and I feel like a failure.”

Unable to look Reiner in the face, ashamed at the words that left your mouth, you buried your face in your hands, letting out pitiful little sobs. It was one thing to inwardly confess to feeling like a failure, but to voice it aloud to your husband struck you so much harder than you expected. Intentionally or not, you dubbed yourself as the strong one, the one to lean on instead of the other way around. Reiner never burdened you with that notion, that was all your doing and you knew that. Everything had gone so smoothly with Maisie, you’d admit your expectations were high with Gabriel. Naive thinking yes, but were you so wrong in thinking that?

Settling for embracing you and pulling your hands away before he spoke, Reiner smoothed his hands over your back, rubbing circles to calm the pent up emotions inside you. He knew you held some resentment for him going back as early as he did and he couldn’t blame you. But for once he didn’t let that get inside his head, because at this moment he needed to be the rock to your support and not pity himself over something he couldn’t control.

“You’re not a failure sweetheart. The fact that you’re so upset over this tells me how much you care.” Using age old lines he once heard over and over from you to offer the same reassurance and relief it brought him. “I know it can be hard to ask for help when you feel like you can handle everything, but you need to put yourself first sometimes. You are not just a mother, you’re a person with their own individual self that deserves to just have moments to yourself. It’s not selfish or greedy to want to be away from the kids for a bit, its healthy and that’s all I want for you angel.”

Bringing yourself to look Reiner in the face, letting out a long somewhat defeated sigh, you gave a small nod. There were thousands of reasons why you loved Reiner, but his poetic words of reassurance were at the top of your list, the man stringing together words and sentences that were so beautifully conveyed that calmed your weary soul. Your husband was truly the better half of your and you couldn’t even imagine living in the world without him.

“It’s not going to happen overnight.” Countering back a bit with slight humor in your tone, the tonnage of your inner struggles lifting slowly.

His lips curled into the softest smile, tracing the lines of your cheekbones and tilting his head in a small nod. “I know, but you’re not alone, you’re never alone and I want you to get used to leaning on me more when you need to. I’m never going to judge you for whatever is bothering you, nor your thoughts or feelings.”

#reiner braun #attack on titan #snk #aot reiner #reiner x reader #reiner x you #post-rumbling #reiner fluff #snk reiner

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