#harrylewisimagines

[lvrslvt3]

LOVE IS A CHOICE | h. lewis

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pairings : harry lewis x reader

summary : harry’s insecurities causes the downfall of his own relationship.

warnings : swearing, arguing, just a whole of sadness.

notes : thanks for all the love on my first harry fic (and my first fic ever) i greatly appreciate it!!

“walk out of that door,” you pointed your finger in the direction of your flat door, “and we’re fucking done. i mean it, harry.” you threat with your voice very audibly shaking with the overwhelming emotions you were experiencing.

he felt awful, seeing you in this state, but his mind was set. this would be better for you no matter how much it hurt at first. you would come to your senses quickly and live a better life and he was willing to sacrifice his own happiness for that.

harry stopped just as he was about to walk away from you, from your life together, to prepare himself for the heavy lie about to be forced through his lips — one that would break his heart just as it will yours.

slowly, he turned his head back to face you. “you can’t end anything that was never there.” your face immediately broke, and his heart broke so violently he was surprised it didn’t create any noise. there was no coming back from this.

you shook her head and opened your mouth but nothing came out except a small, choking sob that you quickly covered up by closing your mouth again. you weren’t going to break down infront of him, you wanted to look strong.

he didn’t deserve to see that he had so clearly hit a nerve, that he had just broken down the girl he had previously built back up. you just needed him to leave so you could be alone.

finally, he turned again and left your flat with a loud slam of the front door. your sobs echoed through his head as the door closed behind him for good — now he had to face the future alone.

the more harry didn’t want you, the harder you tried. however, the harder you tried the more he didn’t want you. you didn’t know what you had done to deserve the treatment you had received from him that night. there was only thing you knew for sure; you couldn’t let it break you. atleast not on the outside.

so, in hopes of proving to everyone you was coping well you had agreed to a brunch date with talia in which you both sat at the back of a restaurant and spoke of your feelings. you had tried to avoid the topic but talia knew you to well.

she was the only one you could confide in. she was the only shoulder you let myself sob into when you couldn’t pretend to be okay anymore. she was your rock through it all. talia understood it was more than a breakup you were experiencing; it was grief of losing harry lewis.

your closest friend, sat across from you, swirled her plastic straw around her glass cup, glancing up at you after taking a sip. “do you still love him?” she questioned in a gentle tone that made you want to start crying again.

you didn’t answer properly at first. you hummed just before you took a large sip of your drink infront of you to try and delay the inevitable. talia would not leave you alone until she knew you were okay.

a mere three seconds later, a hand landed on top of yours, rubbing over the skin on top and taking you away from your own consuming thoughts. talia held your hand until you finally found the courage to answer out loud truthfully.

“i don’t think i’ll ever stop.” you words seemed to upset talia. it only proved how much she cared for you — that she felt your emotions with you to let you know you weren’t alone in this. “i just don’t know if we’re meant for each other.”

talia gave your hand a reassuring squeeze, “you should speak to him.” she advised you, “maybe you’re not meant for each other now, but end it in good terms just incase.”

you weren’t sure wether or not to go along with her advice, but at the end of the day you knew that you couldn’t move on from him properly without knowing what you had done to destroy your relationship.

harry answered your late night text straight away and agreed to come over to yours only the next day. infact, he arrived an hour earlier than you both had agreed upon. mostly because he was too nervous to wait around.

now, you stood across from your ex boyfriend with only the kitchen island to separate you from eachother. you leaned against the counter in hopes it would keep you upright throughout this tough conversation that neither of you were ready for.

“did i do anything to make you stop loving me?” the questioned rolled off of your tongue as if it was a casual conversation topic, like you were talking about what to have for dinner instead of why your relationship fell apart so quickly.

harry couldn’t meet your eyes. instead, he was fixating on the ground beneath him. “i never stopped loving you.” finally he met your adamant gaze, “i just…” he shrugged as he tried to find his words, “if i don’t like who i am, why should you?”

you hung your head down onto your hands. you was beyond stressed. you had finally pieced it together — he didn’t stop loving you but instead stopped loving himself, which led to lots of miscommunication. however, you felt that surely he loved you enough to not let you go.

“but how could you leave me so easily?” you pestered him once again, causing his jaw to clench tightly and his eyes to move away from you once again. other than that his body was rigid, as if he was afraid to move.

he had planned this whole conversation out. he knew how this needed to end for your sake and he was willing to do anything for it. even if that meant going through this.

“it’s not easy, y/n, but it’s for the better.” harry finally looked up at his ex girlfriend that had been staring at him the whole time — looking exceedingly dejected. “you have to understand i don’t want to do this, i need to.”

“harry—“

“please, y/n.” harry interrupted you with an begging tone in his voice, “you don’t deserve me, you don’t deserve this,” he used his hand to gesture between the both of you, “i love you, i always will, but this doesn’t feel right.”

he began to grow frustrated. he shook his hands while he spoke in a way to try and get his correct emotions across without making this situation any worse than it already was. “please, y/n.” he turned desperate.

you didn’t want to argue anymore, he wasn’t changing his mind no matter what you said or did. his mind was set on leaving you no matter how much it hurt you to admit to yourself. you didn’t know if what you both had was true love, but it was the closest you had ever gotten.

“okay, harry.” you spoke with a despondent glaze over your eyes, you had lost all hope. you walked over to the other side to stand by harry, “whatever you need.” your voice broke through the sentence.

harry stood there, looking at the woman he loves, his heart heavy with longing despite their current situation. you looked back at him, your eyes locking, and you both knew what the other was feeling. despite all of it, you still had a feeling of mutual respect and understanding for harry.

he leaned closer, to try and kiss you, but before he can you pulled away. “i can’t.” your voice was merely above a whisper. the words still left harry speechless while you turned and walked away. leaving him in the kitchen staring at where you had disappeared to, looking mournful.

love is just not a feeling. it’s a choice that people made every day, and you had to chose to stop expressing your love for harry so he could learn to love himself properly. he needed to be there for himself to enjoy what you two had.

nothing compared to harry, but you would wait for him.