#I can’t help a fangirl reference

[lavendarneverlands]

Mallow?… idk it’s fun to say & the first one I thought of😂🤷‍♀️

@ladyylesbian @mysterylilycheeta @evenifitshandcuffed @guardian-angel12 @ anyone else who wants to join (and of course no pressure tags :-)

favorite word?

Ethereal😍

@lavendarneverlands wbu?

[asapeveryday]

The Last Time Pt1

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Reader

Warnings: Smut, Oral sex

Summary: You rarely go out due to how hard your classes are, but a rare outing to a Halloween party draws you to a certain blonde’s attention.

Authors note: Not my first fic, but my first time writing for Paige, or writing anything on this app!!!im nervous asf but it’s okay 😇 pls point out any spelling mistakes pls I write these at like 2am.

Minors DNI beyond the cut!!

The house was one of the massive ones off campus, white picket fences and a big kitchen perfect for partygoers to escape the loud music. Fall had turned the hot, humid and vibrant summer nights into colder ones. Streets were littered with brown and orange leaves, and houses decorated with cobwebs and blow-up ghosts.

Your friends were used to going out for Halloween parties, but you never really bothered. Your classes just got harder by the year, so you always put off a long night out. To you it was worth it, because your grades were top 3 in your program.

“When was the last time you even got laid?” Your best friend asks you.

You shrug. “I dunno. July?”

“Whatever.” She sighs, realizing it wasn’t as bad as she thought. “Still, that’s like almost 3 months of no puss. Please just come to this party, it’ll be fun!” She whines.

“Isn’t it early for a Halloween party? It’s only the 20th. We still have a week. Plus, I don’t have a costume.” You say, hoping she’ll let you stay home.

“You don’t understand, this is massive. A Halloween-birthday-party is not one that you wanna miss” She beams at you. “And I have a basketball jersey you can wear for the night. Wear shorts with it, be sexy.”

“Shorts?? It’s October!” You groan.

Regardless, you found yourself inside of this house. Your friend wasn’t lying when she said this was a pretty big party, with all the people shoving up against you it was uncomfortable to be in in your sleeveless jersey and black shorts. The kitchen was slightly less rowdy so you started to search the fridge for some comfort in the form of food or alcohol before you heard a cough behind you.

“Yo.”

You turn only to find yourself having to look up at a much taller girl. Her blonde hair was long and down on her shoulders, except for the front pieces which were Dutch-braided closer to her head. She was wearing a really casual outfit, a matching Nike tracksuit. The only thing remotely Halloween-y thing on her was the pair of fake Angel wings on her back.

“Nice costume.” You almost scoff.

“You can’t be talkin. What are you, a fangirl?” She looks down at you. Her eyes are so blue you almost stumble backwards into to fridge.

“Fair.” You sheepishly smile at her. “It was really last minute, this isn’t even my jersey.”

“That’s cus it’s mine.” The mystery blonde laughs.

Immediately you look down at yourself, a white number 5 is sprawled against the navy fabric of the women’s basketball jersey you borrowed. You look up at the blonde again and your face drops.

“Oh shit! You’re-“

“Paige.” She finishes your sentence. “Not a basketball fan?”

“Not really.” You smile. You tell her your name and she repeats it back to you with a smirk that you feel straight in your gut. You’ve rarely seen Paige on campus, so having her right in front of you has helped you realize just how fine she really is.

“The jersey looks good on you.” Her eyes sweep throughout your body.

“You don’t come off as much of an Angel to me.” You raise your eyebrow at her, referring to her half-assed costume. You haven’t heard too many rumours about Paige Bueckers sex life, but you can just tell by her silent confidence, the way she stands and even just the way she looks at you that she gets around. Being a D1 athlete probably helps too.

“You’ll see for yourself soon enough.” She shrugs, maintaining eye contact with you.

“So Paige, is this your place or..”

“Nah. My friends threw this party as a surprise for me. Not even sure who’s crib this is but whatever.” She rubs the back of her neck. “You didn’t come with a gift, did you?” Paige asks.

“No, was I supposed to?”

“It’s my birthday ma, I think you owe me something.” She steps closer, looking at you through her long eyelashes.

You actually feel your heart drop to your ass at this point, and she can tell. Paige cocks her head to the staircase nearby and you almost run after her when she leads you upstairs.

You’re already making out by the time you crash into a bedroom, she slams the door shut and pushes you up against it. You almost faint when you feel her knee between your legs, applying pressure to your clit. She kisses you slowly, taking her time to memorize the feeling of her hands grazing your face, then trailing down your body and finding themselves inside the jersey. Her blonde hair tickles your neck as she starts to trail her kisses downwards.

Paige’s hands trail from your abdomen to your hips, roughly pulling your shorts down and kneeling to be face to face with your heat. You resist the urge to cover yourself from her, and can’t help but think about how awkward you must look from this angle, but she doesn’t seem to care. Gripping your thighs and looking up at you with her ice-blue eyes, she licks a slow stripe onto your already wet undies, chuckling when you shudder.

Pulling your underwear to the side with one hand, she slowly eases her finger inside of you and you throw your head back with a breathy moan that makes her smile. She sucks at your clit while adding another finger, then pumping into you almost on beat to the music blasting downstairs. Her tongue is insane to you, circling your clit so skillfully while curling her fingers inside of you, your knees almost buckle and your hands find her long hair, pushing her head. “Oh my god.” You breathe out. “I’m close.”

“Already?” Paige chuckles into you. When she removes her fingers and quickly replaces them with her mouth, lapping and licking inside of you you almost scream. The vibrations from her voice huffing around you are enough for you to feel that tight, building feeling in your stomach, and you cum right there and then.

She cleans whatever she can before pulling up your shorts for you and kissing you chastely, enough so you can taste yourself on her lips. When she pulls away you slump to the floor, legs twitching.

“Shit!” You embarrassedly mumble. Paige laughs and sits next to you. With both of your backs to the door you turn your head to meet her stare. “Happy birthday.” You laugh. She rubs her face, hiding her smile. “Pfft, thanks.”

“I thought I was supposed to gift you? You just gave me like, the best head I’ve had since I started college.”

“Seeing you fall to the ground at my head game is enough of a gift for me.” She shrugs, a smug look on her face. “Plus, there’s always next time if you wanna make it up to me.”

The two of you exchange numbers, the situation is so unreal to you that you’re convinced this is all some mistake.

“Did you even plan on hooking up with someone tonight?” You ask her suddenly, and she seems surprised at your honesty.

“Uhh…I’m not gonna lie, not really. This party was a surprise, remember?” She sighs. “I think seeing some cute girl in my jersey, totally oblivious, jus did something to me.”

You raise your eyebrow. “You didn’t even get to see what was under it.”

“Don’t tempt me, woman.” She laughs. “I’m exhausted, giving ankle-breaking head does that to you.”

“Shut up.” You say, shoving her lightly.

There’s a pause before you take a chance and say “There’s a good burger place nearby if you want to recharge a bit.”

The minute you say it you regret it. Paige Bueckers was in no hurry to get upstairs with you, there’s no way she’s gonna take you out for food too. Plus, since when did you go out with girls you met at parties?

She looks at you for a second, considering you. Finally she says “Fuck it, why not.”

Paige gets up and you follow after her lead. She laughs at the way you walk down the stairs and the two of you slip out of the house as sneakily as possible. Paige offers to drive you even though it was your suggestion. “What can I say, I love my car.” She smiles.

The burgers are good and her laugh is contagious. The two of you sit in her car while you eat, she almost screams when you steal a fry and you pretend to be annoyed when she takes a sip of your drink in retaliation.

You feel so nervous being around her, Paige seems so sure of herself. You can tell she already knows what she wants out of college, out of basketball, even out of girls. Sometimes, even though you devoted so much time to preforming well academically, you weren’t entirely sure it was all gonna work out for you. You feared all your hard work wouldn’t be worth it in the end.

After a moment of silence, you ask her “Does it ever freak you out, having so many people betting on your success? If I were you I’d be so scared of letting people down.” You disguise your own fear as a question for her. Paige looks at you for a moment, then smiles.

“Yeah, It does. I’ve already had moments where it felt like I let everyone down.” She says, looking down at her leg. “But no success comes without pressure, so I guess feeling that way is more of a blessing from God than anything. It’s like He’s reminding me of everything I have to lose. Ion’ think there’s much wrong with that.”

You’re surprised at how mature her answer is. “There’s no way you’re talking about God after you just gave head to a stranger.” You laugh.

She shrugs, a guilty but satisfied look on her face. “You’re not human if you don’t sin once in a while.”

“Amen.” You smile.

The two of you talk about stupid things until it’s well past midnight, and when she drops you off at your dorm you turn to say “I had more fun then I thought I would tonight.”

Paige smiles, her blue eyes staring holes into yours. “It won’t be the last time you have fun with me.” She says, laughing to herself.

“Shut up.” You nudge her. She shakes her head, and waves at you when you start to walk to your building.

You turn to wave back. Even though you know you can’t be anything serious with Paige, you can’t ignore the warm feeling in your stomach when you think about the night you shared. You seriously hope it won’t be the last time.

[luvt0kki]

003 | on this ship

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧ s.w.m masterlist ୨୧⋆ ˚｡⋆ taglist ⋆ ˚｡⋆ ୨୧

Nothing fucks with my baby Nothing can get a look in on my baby Nothing fucks with my baby Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing

🎧 : NFWMB - Hozier

previous | 003 | next

pairings: ot8 x reader ( yungi x reader)

w.c : 7.5k ( this one’s long)

cw: mature, lots of world building in this chapter I’m sorry,minors do not interact, nsfw, mentions of assassination, hinted violence, slow burn ( for Wooyoung), polyamory, smut ahead , dom!Mingi and Yunho for this chapter, threesome, bath/shower seggs, oral, size kink, eavesdropping, Mingi’s nickname for reader is baby, masturbation, Wooyoung blue balls again, Yeosang is very sweet here, some humor ahead, San is a cutie as always, hongjoong is unreadable as ever, Wooyoung thinks he’s connected the dots but he hasnt connected sht

REMINDER : my works do not represent the irl members in any way, this is purely a work of FICTION.

a/n : thank you so much for all the support! Here is part 3! There’s uhhhh smut…but then a lot of world building and interactions between the crew that will kind of show just how close they are with y/n. It’s a bit long 😭 I’m sorry but hehe chapter 4 is already in the works! Don’t forget to fangirl and scream in my askbox about what you think of this Chapter 💕

The warm water embraced you in much-needed comfort and it took away the fatigue you felt. Your mind was still hazy and you just stared at the rippling surface, the bubbles foaming up in white pearlescent colors. The smell of sweet watermelon and coconut filled your senses and you moaned when the fingers massaging your scalp found the pressure points that made you melt forward, leaning your torso onto your thighs.

“If you keep moaning like that, I’ll get hard again.” Mingi’s deep voice echoed in the bathroom, the big man sat across you, massaging your calves under the water while Yunho’s fingers continued to shampoo your hair and massage your scalp.

“Mingi, if we go again, I won’t be able to walk for two days,” you pouted, feeling the soapy foam of the shampoo run down your back.

“And that’s a bad thing, how?” He raised a groomed brow.

You looked at him. His pink hair was a deeper shade of the color and it was pointing in different directions while also flat on his head from being wet. He still looked so handsome and his eyes were doing that thing, the thing where they were soft and round, almost childlike. “I have things to do, Mingi. I can’t be bedridden all because of your libido.”

“Baby, it would help me if we fucked more. It was torture to be away from you for so long. The videos and pictures, as much as I love them, can’t compare to the real thing.”

“And how is fucking more helping your libido?”

“It might return to baseline. Normal Mingi libido.”

He had said that with such a serious face, it was kind of cute. Okay, it was cute. Dumb but cute.

“You said ‘might’. You’re not even sure!” You splashed some water onto his face, Yunho’s fingers now massaging your lower scalp close to the pressure points of your neck. “Oh.”

“Then we have to find out!” Mingi turned his head to the side, avoiding your cute yet innocent expression from the way you moaned and relaxed from Yunho’s touch.

“I can’t believe you referred to your sex drive as Mingi libido.” Yunho chuckled from behind you and finished shampooing and rinsing your hair. “You sore, sweetheart?” He kissed the nape of your neck.

“Not as much as I thought,” you leaned your head back, perfectly fitting on Yunho’s shoulder. “But if I go another two rounds with Mingi, I might not be able to walk tomorrow. And, if I go one more time with both of you, you two are the ones who are going to have to tell Hongjoong why I refuse to go to the upper deck.”

Yunho wrapped his arms around and kissed your temple.

Mingi relaxed and smiled softly at the sight. You were back home, where you belong. Where you were safest. Nothing and no one could hurt you here, and if anyone ever tried ( not that anyone could), they wouldn’t leave alive.

Yunho pressed his lips close to your ear to whisper. “So…we can go again?”

“Oh my god.”

“You did say you can go one more time with me and Yunho,” Mingi smirked, scooting closer.

It’s actually amazing how two of the tallest of your lovers could fit in the tub with you. Sure the bathtub was big but to fit the three of you? Jongho wouldn’t believe it if you told him.

“But we’ll have to bathe again…” you huffed, Yunho leaving hot kisses along your neck, sucking and nibbling at your sensitive spot. It was hard to say no. “Your bed will get really wet if we go back right now.” You whined, Yunho’s pretty slender fingers cupping your breasts and pinching at your nipples.

“We don’t have to go back to my room.” Mingi settled himself between your legs, hooking your right leg over his shoulder and kissing your inner thigh. “We can fuck here.”

“I thought we finally crossed off shower sex on your bucket list?” You threaded your fingers through Yunho’s hair as he continued to kiss and fondle you.

“Trust me, baby, I know,” Mingi replied, reaching for the nozzle to drain the tub.

“It’s on my bucket list.” Yunho nipped at your ear. “Mingi, put her other leg over the edge of the tub.”

Mingi does as he says and he bit his lip at the sight of your pussy again. His cock twitched when Yunho’s right hand left your breast to slide down to massage your clit.

“Yunho…” you sighed, hips twitching at the feeling, not sure if you were moving away from his touch or if you wanted more.

The lower the water got, the more you could see of Mingi. The bubbles and foam stuck to your skin and when the cool air began to hit your skin that had been submerged in warm water, you shivered.

“We’ll be gentle,” Yunho told you, biting your neck. “But usually you’ll always beg for us to go harder.” He teased, dipping two fingers into your entrance, not plunging further which made you whine as he spread your slick all over your folds.

“And I thought you were being so sweet shampooing my hair and all. You’re just as mean.” You bit back, your resolve crumbling when he finally slipped his fingers into your sore yet welcoming, velvety walls. “F-fuck. Okay.”

“Okay, what?” Mingi watched Yunho’s fingers slip in and out of your heat.

“We go another round but please let’s go to my room. The bathtub isn’t really the most comfortable place for the three of us.” You said through gritted teeth, squeezing Yunho’s thighs as he curled his fingers inside you. “And last time we fucked here, Mingi, you slipped and bruised your elbow.”

“Baby, that’s between us.” He groaned, keeping your legs from closing watching your cunt suck Yunho’s fingers in and soak them in your slick.

“I had a feeling it wasn’t because you elbowed someone.” Yunho tutted before focusing on the movements of his fingers, humming when he felt your walls squeeze him. “Even after taking Mingi and I, you’re still so tight.”

“Yuyu…” you whimpered the nickname you endearingly called him, tugging at his hair as you bucked your hips into his palm.

“Always so wet and ready for us, aren’t you?” He curled his fingers faster, his long digits reaching you deeper than your fingers could ever do. His palm made contact with your clit as he moved which made your nails dig into his thighs.

“She’s our pretty girl.” Mingi cooed, scooting closer and keeping your legs apart then lifted you a little so you were on his lap and squeezed between him and Yunho without disrupting his best friend’s actions. “Fuck, do you hear how wet you are?”

You could but you didn’t have time to be embarrassed about it when Mingi took one of your breasts into his hot mouth, swirling his tongue around your sensitive peak and sucking which earned him a very cute squeak from you.

“Yeah…we’re not going to make it to the bedroom, sweetheart,” Yunho growled in your ear, not slowing down the pumping of his fingers and knowing that you were gonna cum soon. They knew your body well and they pride themselves in being lovers that never disappointed you. “Once, I make you cum. Mingi’s gonna clean up the sweet mess you made…” His lower register made you squeeze around his fingers again, knowing full well the effect that tone had on you. “Then I’m gonna fuck your perfect cunt.”

You felt your lower abs tighten and your legs began to tense, shaking around Mingi’s torso who suckled and massaged your breasts. Your legs wanted to close so badly as your orgasm was approaching fast and it didn’t help that Yunho was whispering filthy things in your ear in that stupid perfect deep register of his.

“Yunho…please.” You didn’t even know what you were begging for. “Please.”

“This time, sweetheart…,” He paused a beat to kiss the spot beneath your ear before continuing. “I won’t cum on your pretty tits. I’ll fill you up nice and good like Mingi did.”

The idea had you cumming hard, your lips parting in a silent scream as your walls spasmed around his fingers.

“Good girl.” He cooed, kissing your temple as your body shook from the pleasure, slowing down his fingers and taking them out of your pulsing heat, only to to bring his digits to his mouth to have a taste of your sweet essence.

Without another word, Mingi halted his attack on your breasts and Yunho hooked his hands beneath your knees to open you up for the pink-haired man. He dipped low and you cried out when he started to kitten lick your sensitive pussy.

“Mingi! Too much! W-wait, please.” You whimpered, trying to fight against Yunho’s hold who kept your legs wide open so Mingi could lap up your juices.

“Tastes so good, baby.” He moaned against your core, the obscene slurping making heat explode in your cheeks. He was licking you up with that stupidly heavenly tongue of his like a man starved.

Mingi kissed your clit before wrapping his plump lips around the sensitive bud and making you squirm.

“Hear that? Mingi said you taste so good.” Yunho unlike Mingi right now, who was drunk on your pussy, was gentle and sweet again.The two of them balanced each other out in ways you could never really explain.

Knowing he won’t ever get enough of you, Mingi lapped your juices up one last time before sitting up and adoring the way you looked so fucked out. Yunho hadn’t even stuffed you with his cock yet and you were this buzzed out already.

“Here, baby.”

“Huh?” You blinked at him and before you could react, his lips were on yours and your surprised gasp let him slip his tongue inside.

“Mmhf.” Your head was spinning. The salty yet sweet taste of yourself on his tongue was sinfully erotic and his eagerness to kiss you made you kiss him back. Mingi sucked on your bottom lip before parting from you, his forehead resting on yours as you two caught your breaths.

“So?” Yunho slowly let your legs down, letting in fall limp around Mingi’s body. “How do you taste?”

“G-good.” You panted, releasing your death grip on Yunho’s thighs, the way your nails dug into them left crescent marks on his skin.

“Awe, is our pretty girl tired? Too tired to take my cock?”

“N-no.” Your body felt light and heavy at the same time but even after cumming around his fingers and Mingi overstimulating you. Your walls craved for more. It needed more than just his fingers. “Want you. Please.”

With Yunho, you never ever had to ask twice.

And…he was right earlier. The three of you couldn’t make it to the bedroom. So here you all were, way past the midnight hour with you sandwiched between the two men, their hips moving in tandem with one another as they stuffed you full. Your arms hung loosely over Yunho’s shoulders as Mingi’s big strong arms hoisted you up. Yunho was rutting up into your leaking cunt, his lengthy cock hitting your g-spot easily while Mingi fucked your other tight hole, the gunner praising you for taking his fat cock after he had prepped you for him.

There was nothing coherent in your head. All you could think about was how their cocks were rubbing your insides and how good they felt inside of you. It was so much.

“S-so full.” You moaned, head falling back onto Mingi’s shoulder as they bounced you on their cocks, the wet smacking sounds echoing in the shared shower room.

“You’re taking us so well, sweetheart.” Yunho praised, groaning when your walls began to grip him tighter and feeling Mingi’s thick cock fill you up on the other end. “I’m close. Fuck.”

“Y-yeah. Me too.” Mingi whined from behind you, his strong hips smacking against your ass. “Let Yunho fill you up, baby. I want you so full of his cum you’re leaking for days.”

Mingi’s words turned Yunho on even more, making him chase his release, his hips digging deeper into you.

“P-please, please, please.” That’s all you could say as your body buzzed and craved for them as if you could never be satiated. You felt like you were going insane with how good they felt inside of you.

Their thrusts in perfect rhythm with each other and how perfectly shaped Yunho’s cock was to hit your g-spot effortlessly, had you coming undone so easily. You came hard, mind going completely blank as your orgasm crashed over you. Every fiber of your being was electrified and when you came to it, you could feel that soothing familiar warmth filling your belly.

The two men panted as they finished inside your body that welcomed them. Months of pent-up sexual frustration finally being satiated and emptied inside of you.

“I missed you, sweetheart.” Yunho sighed into your neck, completely emptying every last drop of his release into you, marking you in his own way. “We all did. I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself.”

“I-it’s okay.” You murmured, limp in Mingi’s and Yunho’s hold. “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry for leaving you all for so long.”

You winced when Mingi slowly slipped his cock from your ass, his cum leaking out your abused hole and when Yunho did the same, a mess of white fell onto the bathroom floor but Yunho was quick to carry you bridal style before your limbs could touch the floor.

“You two…I swear…” you murmured, letting the two take care of you just like clockwork. Like all the times before.

They were gentle as they cleaned you up, this time under the rain of water from one of the shower stalls. Mingi helped wrap you into a fuzzy soft grey towel before Yunho handed you over to him so he could dry himself before they retreated to your bedroom since Mingi’s bed was sheetless after the mess the three of you made.

“So…” Yunho was the first to speak when you three were snuggled under the comforter of your bed, the two of them on either side of you to keep you warm. “Is it back to baseline?”

You frowned, blinking sleepily at his handsome face while Mingi cuddled you from behind.

“Yeah…normal Mingi libido.”

Not having the energy to retort, you only shook your head and smiled. You were tired but you were happy and safe in their arms. Yunho’s hand on your hip lazily caressed you while Mingi had his arm draped over your waist and he pressed his naked torso on your back, preferring your body warmth over anything else to keep him warm and fall asleep to.

“Hongjoong is going to kill us,” Mingi muttered, his own eyes unable to remain open any longer.

“Kill us? No.” Yunho yawned, noticing how you had fallen asleep already with such a peaceful look on your pretty face. “But he’ll definitely give us an earful…or a sex ban.”

The docks at the outskirts of Xileon were quiet as dawn began to break. It was almost unbelievable that the planet with its infamous capital called the Night City actually experienced daylight. The parties have to end somehow and they go back to their day lives only to repeat and indulge in what they could only do in the dark, and in Night City, no night was ever the same.

And yet as the sun rose and began to light up the black sky, hints of dark navy and light blue faded in as the morning came and Wooyoung admired the view from the window of the dining kitchen area of the mid-deck. The scent of coffee that he had begun to brew right after he woke wafted through the air. It’s been a while since he’s seen a morning sky.

Xileon’s sky could not compare to Jupiter’s. It was prettier and glowed with the aurora that floated in the dark starry sky every night.

“You’re up early.” Seonghwa entered the kitchen, and his black silk robe that matched his loungewear flowed elegantly with his movements.

“Well, someone’s got to cook for you all.” Wooyoung shrugged moving from the dining area with the big window that looked out the sky to the kitchen. “I’m never letting Yunho in my kitchen again.”

“He made a delicious dinner that time.” Seonghwa chuckled, defending the tall mechanic and medic of their crew.

“But the mess he left?” Wooyoung shook his head, opening the fridge and grabbing the ingredients he might need to start breakfast. “It’s like a hurricane destroyed the place. Anyways, what does Y/N like to have for breakfast?”

Seonghwa paused pouring himself a cup of coffee momentarily, not expecting that question from Wooyoung this morning. His lips curved into a small pleased smile.

“She likes sweet things. French toast with berries if we have them or pancakes. She’s not a picky eater but those are just some of her favorites.”

Wooyoung bit his lip as he went through the cupboards and the pantry.

“So what are we having for breakfast?” Seonghwa asked, taking his seat at the dining table by the window, appreciating the view.

Tossing the bag of flour onto the kitchen counter, Wooyoung grabbed a bowl from the cupboards before going to the fridge and deciding that the frozen berries would make do.

“Pancakes.”

Seonghwa smiled at his response, not needing to say anything more and letting the former heir of a duke to his work while he sipped his coffee and enjoyed the calm morning and the view of the rising sun.

“I smell coffee.” The cheery voice announced the very familiar sunshine like presence.

“Just pour yourself a cup and don’t touch anything.” Wooyoung narrowed his eyes in jest at Yunho who walked in with a bounce in his step.

“Hey, I made a mess one time.”

“And it will be the last time.”

Yunho only smiled and got himself coffee before joining Seonghwa at the unset table. Wooyoung focused on cooking and as the sun rose higher and higher, the members were arriving in the dining area one by one.

Jongho entered with Hongjoong, the two talking about something in the magazine their youngest was holding. Probably another thing Jongho added to his wishlist for upgrades to the ship.

Yeosang helped set the table before joining the lighthearted conversation with the others.

Mingi was the last to enter groaning about how bright the sunlight was as he was slipping a black shirt over his torso.

“Y/N?” San asked, quietly taking note of the reddish love bites on Mingi’s neck and before the gunner’s shirt covered his body, they all got a glimpse of the long pink lines on his back.

“I didn’t want to wake her so I’ll get her breakfast and go back.” He went to the fridge and gulped down some milk from the carton.

“Use a glass, you heathen.” Wooyoung clicked his tongue and focused on serving up the pancakes on a big plate.

“Oh, you made pancakes. Nice timing. She loves those.” Mingi’s eyes stared at the fresh from the pan confectionary and took his and your plates to get a serving for you both. “Where’s the tray?” He rummaged through the kitchen, a vein popping on Wooyoung’s forehead at the clang and clatter of items in HIS kitchen.

“Get her some orange juice for the vitamin C,” Yunho told Mingi, opening the Xileon newspaper.

“Got it.” Mingi did as he said, getting a glass and pouring the orange juice in it.

Wooyoung was glad he and the pink haired man were not making eye contact, and that there was no weird vibe from Mingi’s end. He must admit, Mingi was a caring boyfriend if he was going out of his way to bring you breakfast in bed. Breakfast that he made.

“We’ll be departing Xileon by noon so if any of you need to get things, get it done before then,” Hongjoong informed the crew. “And get back to Yeosang so he can take note of the expenses.”

Mingi was focused as he crossed the dining area with the tray in his hands, steadying his hands.

“Relay the info to Y/N,” Hongjoong added.

“Mhm.” Mingi hummed in response.

“Oh, and Mingi…”

“Yeah?”

Hongjoong without looking at Mingi and opening the book he has been reading the past month, and sounding like a father scolding his son, spoke.

“Make sure to close the door next time.”

Mingi groaned as the rest of the crew cackled and laughed at his embarrassment, and he quickly vacated the room. He wasn’t going to let their teasing ruin his very good morning.

Wooyoung sat with the rest once the big plate of pancakes for everyone with the side of maple syrup and frozen berries were on the table, ready to be eaten. He sat in front of Yunho who had his ever-present soft puppy smile on his face, which was very deceiving.

“I finished up the repairs on Mingi’s gun last night by the way,” Yunho told him, dousing the pancakes on his plate with a lot of maple syrup. “It still is a mystery to me how whatever weapons he borrows or uses come back broken or in need of repairs.”

“He’s a big guy and a clumsy person,” Yeosang commented.

“But he never misses his shots though.” San added.

Wooyoung tuned them out as he thought about how so far, everything was okay. It wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be when he saw Mingi and maybe if he avoided you, his infatuation will fade away. It won’t be forever but just until he doesn’t think about burying his face in your pussy or having you bounce on his cock—

“You okay?” Yeosang asked when they doing the dishes together in the kitchen, the rest of the crew going off to do their individual schedules.

“Um, why wouldn’t I be?” Woo replied, washing and soaping the dishes while Yeosang rinsed and dried them.

“Should I point out the obvious?”

Yeosang was met with silence and he decided to go on.

“You’re kind of snappy but not too snappy. You’re nice enough because you just made pancakes out of the blue when I was sure you were going to make the usual eggs and bacon.” He was speaking his facts fast, something he got from Wooyoung who did the same when he wanted to prove his point. “Someone probably told you that Y/N likes sweet things which I’m guessing was Seonghwa since after you, he’s the second to wake up early among us. You made the pancakes for—“

“Ah! Okay, stop! I should’ve never taken you under my wing. It’s biting me back in the ass.” He scrubbed the plates with the sponge harder. “What’s your point anyways?”

Yeosang observed his best friend. His ears were slightly red although he had an annoyed pout on his face. He wondered how safe he needed to play it …

“You’re trying to impress her.”

“I made her one of her favorite dishes. I do that for you guys from time to time too…” Wooyoung trailed off, trying to stop himself from confiding with his childhood best friend. Which was hard. Back then, they told each other everything and when they reunited, it’s like nothing changed. “Maybe…I am trying to impress her. She is a member of our crew, is she not? I’m new.”

He opened up to Yeosang who smiled triumphantly to himself.

“Plus, I didn’t really make a good impression on her…when I danced with her, we got really…uh yeah…and when I didn’t know you guys knew her, I was whipping out bill after bill in that room.” Then the image of you tugging that purple lace panties to the side flashed before his eyes again.

“So you feel bad for playing into Y/N’s stripper cover? We played along because we couldn’t compromise her and risk putting her in danger. You’re not at any fault, Woo.“

He did have a point but speaking of faults, Wooyoung did have one and he didn’t want Yeosang to know that he saw you and Mingi then proceeded to jack off in his room to the sound of you both.

“I guess.”

“And if you’re a little attracted to her it’s fine,” Yeosang added which made his friend’s eyes widen.

“W-what?”

“We all are. She’s an attractive woman and when you get to know her, you’ll see that she’s lovely and sweet. She cares for all of us and she will care for you too, if you’ll let her.”

Yeosang hoped that that was enough to hint at the relationship they all had with you and that Wooyoung’s brain could put two and two together.

“Can I ask you something about her?” Wooyoung asked, handing Yeosang the last rinsed dish.

“Shoot.”

“San…” Wooyoung began, unsure of how to tread the subject. He wasn’t sure if he was analyzing it too much and what he assumed could be completely wrong. “San and Y/N knew each other before she joined the crew—

“If you want to ask about their past, I think it’s better you ask her or Sannie…or both. It’s their story to tell not mine.” Yeosang cut him off with a gentle smile, something that was natural to him despite having been a Prince.

“I was meaning to ask San about that but what I’m asking you is different.” He wiped his hands on his navy apron before taking it off and folding it neatly.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I just couldn’t help but notice the way San looks at her.” Actually all of them but it was San or the Captain’s gaze towards you that really stood out to him.

“Like she’s the universe?” Yeosang tilted his head to the side.

“Like…he’s in love with her.”

Yeosang thought of how to respond to that and his pause did not go unnoticed by Wooyoung so when his best friend finally reacted to what he said, he knew that his little speculation hit a spot.

“Ah…” Yeosang trailed off awkwardly, his eyes shifting away and anywhere from him.

He knew what that meant. Yeosang was never good at hiding secrets or denying things because after knowing him since they were children, he knew that little action his eyes did when he was meant to hide something.

“So he is in love with her?” Wooyoung pressed as they headed to the lounge together.

“They’re very close friends.” Yeosang rubbed the back of his neck. It really wasn’t his place to tell.

But his evading of questions only caused Wooyoung to create conspiracy theories that were far yet close to the truth.

“Oh, hey, guys!”

Speak of the devil.

San with his dark cropped hair and oversized black fluffy sweater jogged towards them. “You guys wanna come with me when I head out? I just came back from Y/N’s room and she asked me to get some stuff for her.”

“Uh…” Yeosang wasn’t sure if that was a good day but then he felt Wooyoung’s hands on his shoulders.

“Sure! The more the merrier right?” Wooyoung grinned at the former assassin.

But even though they did head out and got what each of them needed, Wooyoung did not get the answers he expected to get from San. He got nothing. Nada. Zilch. It didn’t help that Yeosang just smiled at him whenever he questioned San’s behavior which was cheerful. He had a swing in his step as they shopped and when he saw something, be it candy or apparel and accessories you might like, he’d turn to Yeosang and say ‘This would be pretty on Y/N’ or ‘Y/N likes this color’.

So as days passed and they safely departed Xileon, Wooyoung concluded that San was in love with you and that he didn’t act on it and disguised his love with the long friendship you guys had as merely platonic.

Wooyoung patted himself on the back for connecting the dots.

Every longing stare he gave you made him pity San. Even though you smiled back at him with such warmth, Wooyoung concluded with such surety that his one-sided love must hurt him deeply but he settled for being on the sidelines. To love you from afar while Mingi loved you and made you smile.

Yeah. Wooyoung was 100 percent sure this was the tension he was feeling from both of you. Now, next on his suspect list was Hongjoong.

“So pieces of the Cromer have been scattered across the galaxy, I’ve managed to find one but the others may have already fallen in the hands of other travelers or the Black Market,” you spoke from where you stood next to Yunho, tapping on the hologram of information and images you uploaded to the Destiny’s server. You swiped away the bracket of Jupiter, canceling it out from where the other pieces could be. “Luckily, I found three of the four possible locations.”

“Three?” Seonghwa’s jaw dropped a little, the shock in his eyes hardening to concern. It was too good to be true…and what did you go through to get all this info?

“That’s my girl.” Hongjoong grinned, the information you were briefing them with made him swell with pride.

Wooyoung glanced at Mingi for his reaction when the Captain called you his…but the gunner was completely focused on your presentation.

“It’s kinda scary how you were able to get all this.” Jongho shook his head quickly, taken aback by your ability to gather information that would’ve taken them years to find.

“Find the right lead and it’ll lead you to more.” You responded with a small smile.

“No hope for the fourth location?” Hongjoong urged you to continue.

“That’s what’s tricky…since the entire civilization of that location is artificial and they don’t orbit a system…”

“Don’t tell me—,” Jongho’s cute round eyes widened further.

“It’s in KWANGYA, most likely N-City.” You enlarged the holographic image of the artificial never stagnant artificial planet. “It’s hard to pinpoint where they might be right now in the galaxy…So I think it’s best we focus on the other locations.”

They were left speechless. This was crucial information to their Captain but while they were shocked and processing what you gathered, Hongjoong’s grin never left his face. It was rather unsettling that expression of his.

“Ondion, Gevora and…Sector 1.” You listed them down and Yeosang moved from where he stood to stand next to you so that he could toggle the map and begin calculations to the next destination.

“What would it be doing in Sector 1?” San frowned deeply.

“I don’t know…but I’m not looking forward to going there.” You fiddled with your fingers behind you, hiding the extent of your distaste for the planet.

“You won’t have to come off the ship when we get there’,” Hongjoong interjected. “I know it may be hard for you but you can stay here with San while the rest of us look for the missing piece:”

“N-no I’ll be fine. Do you really think I’ll let you all on that planet without me? It’s dangerous. There’s a reason it doesn’t have a proper name.”

“What’s Sector 1?” Wooyoung asked. He’s never ever heard of that place but it clearly hit a nerve with you.

“One of the layers of hell.” You uttered with such venom, your eyes void of the warmth and gentleness they had when you looked at any of them.

“We’ll be going to Gevora first,” Yeosang’s voice brought you out of that dark growing cloud before it churned into a hurricane. The former Prince discreetly without alarming anyone stepped closer to you. His gentle fingers brushed over your knuckles. Your hands had clutched into fists behind your back with nails digging into your palms. “I’ll set the coordinates by your command, Captain.” He slipped his hand in yours and all Wooyoung could see was how that empty and dark look in your eyes disappeared.

“You may do so, Yeo.” He raised his hand to gesture his permission.

Hongjoong got up from where he had been sitting and glanced at you. “We’ll be heading to Gevora. Since our hyperdrive is still currently being fixed, the journey will take approximately…” he looked at Yeosang who had a neutral expression.

“A month.” The crew's navigator replied to their Captain.

“Make any needed preparations for then. Rest up and when we’re close, we’ll have another meeting before we land.”

Hongjoong left the bridge and disappeared into his office. San who was next to Wooyoung made movement to go to you, only for Mingi to reach you first.

“You okay, baby?” He kissed your temple.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” With Yeosang’s comforting touch and Mingi’s concern, it was hard to entertain any horrible thought about Sector 1. “I just really hate that place.”

San remained by Wooyoung’s side.

“As much as I’d love to stay here and coddle our pretty princess,” Jongho went up to you and embraced you briefly. “I have to fix the hyperdrive system.”

“Awe, don’t work too hard, Jongho. I’ll come see you to make sure you take a break.” You told the mechanic. “Anyways, don’t worry too much about me. I’m going to go to my room and start up on that book Hwa gave me.”

Mingi followed right after you as everyone dispersed, off to do their own agendas.

“You okay?” Wooyoung asked San on their way to the gym.

“That’s out of the blue. Yeah, I’m okay.” He smiled softly. “Was just worried about Y/N. That’s all.”

“Sector 1 seemed to be a touchy topic.”

“Well because it is,” San confirmed and Wooyoung was suddenly in full alert. “It’s where we were trained.”

From what San had opened up to him about his past, Wooyoung felt his stomach drop. “You sure you’re okay?”

San smiled warmly at him. “Why wouldn’t I be? In fact, I’m really happy. Y/N’s back where she belongs. Safe with us. I couldn’t ask for more.”

Wooyoung bit his tongue and fought the urge to say ‘You sure about that?’. Successfully he did so.

“Anyways for today’s, sparring session, I’m going to train you to improve your hand-to-hand combat.” San changed the subject quickly. “You’re good with a sword and not too bad with a gun but your unarmed combat needs improvement.”

“Ugh…you’re going to count how many times I fall on my ass again, aren’t you?” Wooyoung groaned.

“Of course I am.” San chuckled, his eyes smiling with mischief. “If you think hand-to-hand combat with me is difficult, try Y/N. Before you can even pull a punch, you’ll be kissing the ground.”

“What are you doing up?” Your voice broke the silence in the dark kitchen, the only light coming from the open refrigerator.

Wooyoung swore in his head as he felt his heart race.

“I- I could ask you the same.” He took a deep breath before turning around, feeling his throat dry at the sight of your bare legs. You were wearing a black thin sweater that was far too big on you and he definitely was sure that he saw San wear it…Do you borrow their clothing as a comfort thing? Would you want any of his? He needed to do laundry.

He averted his eyes immediately…his throat drying up as he felt guilt shiver up his spine after what he had done again tonight. After what you and Mingi did again.

“Water…and maybe a midnight snack.” You replied, walking over to the fridge, bare feet on the cold floor as you stood next to Wooyoung. “You?”

“Midnight snack.”

“Ooo, so what does Jung Wooyoung have for a midnight snack?” Your tone was friendly and inviting, hoping that it’d calm whatever reason it was that made Wooyoung seemed nervous.

“Well, I made a batch of strawberries dipped in chocolate when we left Xileon. It’s probably set by now.” He opened the chiller to see the tray of dessert he made, feeling proud to see how pretty the dusted pink sugar glitter settled with the chocolate.

He took the tray out and set it on the kitchen counter, your eyes on the pretty strawberries lined up in organized rows.

“Here have one,” he pinched the leaf part and held it your way for you to take.

Not thinking much of it, you took a couple of steps forward and took a bite, unaware of how your lips brushing his fingertips made Wooyoung gulp.

“Mhm.” You closed your eyes, moaning at the sweet burst of the strawberry with chocolate in your mouth. For you, it may have been a brief moment but for Wooyoung, it was as if time slowed down and your lips wrapped around the lucky strawberry made him think of how pretty your lips would be wrapped around his—

“Oh my god, that’s delicious.” You squeaked happily, doing this little cute shimmy at how much you liked the dessert he made.

“U-Uh yeah. Thanks.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and played it cool.

“So how does a former noble know how to make such treats?” You wondered out loud, flashing him a smile that made his heart flutter. “Let alone cook. Yeosang told me you’re the one making the meals around here now.” You picked up another piece of strawberry. “I really loved the pancakes on my first day back, by the way.”

“Oh, I’m glad you loved them. And to answer your question, I hung around the kitchens a lot as a kid.”

“And your father let you do that?” You tilted your head, leaning against the counter.

“No, I did what any good kid being told not to do something do.” He picked up a strawberry and took a bite, missing the way your eyes flashed to lips and watched his Adam’s apple bob as he ate. “I didn’t listen.”

There was a beat of silence as you admired his handsome features. He was really handsome. Was being handsome part of the requirements of being in this crew or something?

“I heard you trained with Sannie today,” you looked him up and down, noticing the light bruise on his arm. Your brows knitted as your lips pursed at the sight and reached out to brush your fingers on the skin lightly. “You’re not that badly bruised. Which means you must be better than the average trained fighter.”

Wooyoung felt a rush of electricity wash over him with your light touch and your movement made the wide boat neckline of the sweater slip your left shoulder, showcasing the dark ruby marks along your neck and collarbone.

They were fresh…

“I heard you’re quite the master combatant.” He couldn’t help but take note that you’re braless. There was no sign of a strap on your delicate shoulders.

“I wouldn’t say master,” you hopped onto the counter, the edge of the sweater rising higher over your pretty thighs. “Did Sannie say that I was?”

“He hinted it.”

“Awe, how sweet of him.” You giggled, taking another piece of strawberry and holding it out to him. “Don’t make me eat by myself.”

Wooyoung matched your playful smile and went to pick up the strawberry but you pulled it back and away from him. There was a glint in your eye and in his view, you were glowing. The same magnetic feeling he felt when he saw you in the club returned and he inched closer to you til his hands rested on the countertop on either side of you. He could get a whiff of your natural sweet scent that had a hint of masculine musk which made sense since you and Mingi go at it like fucking bunnies and he heard you two every time. Turns out the room across his was yours. When he made that discovery he didn’t know if he was happy about it or hated it.

Now that he was closer, your legs parted to make room for him. One more step and he was in between them.

He kept his gaze locked on your face, trying to read your next move as well as trying to take in every detail of your features. He was so lost in the moment, he forgot the fact you were with Mingi. Was it so bad that he wanted you too?

You brought the strawberry to his lips, brushing the chocolate-dipped tip on them, tracing their plump curve. He looked into your eyes for permission, not sure why he did so. But your delighted nod at the gesture made him forget about that thought as his pretty lips parted and he took a bite.

“Good boy.” You purred, the same way you did when you two were grinding your hips on one another the night you two danced.

The way the praise fell from your lips sent heat straight to his cock and when he took his bite and met your eyes again, there was this thinning string inside of him that was ready to snap. Taking away the stem and leaving the strawberry in his mouth, he swallowed as he watched you toss the stem into the bin and as if his predicament couldn’t get worse, you licked the excess strawberry juice and melted chocolate off your fingers.

Wooyoung swore and cursed silently, feeling his cock twitch at the sight. He already jacked off in his room…and yet he was getting turned on by this simple interaction. Well, it wasn’t simple. In fact, it was rather intimate. What was going on? Were you flirting with him?

“So-,” he cleared his throat, breaking away from your gaze, and looked down, only to be met with the sight of naked soft, pillowy thighs and the hem of the flimsy sweater just a couple of inches away from showing him what he had been thinking about since he’s seen it in the private dance room. “You and Mingi?”

“What about me and Mingi?” You tilted your head, trying to meet his gaze again because you thought his eyes were pretty. Where was the arrogant man you had danced with?

“How long have you been together?”

“Almost two years.” You hopped off the counter and went to grab a small bowl, deciding to get some for San who was waiting in your bedroom… long enough.

“That’s a long time.”

You chuckled, moving over to the fridge and completely aware of Wooyoung’s eyes on you. Why was he being so jumpy around you? Or reserved? This really wasn’t the flirt you danced with and you had thought bringing him closer with your little playful strawberry trick would tease that out of him.

Smirking to yourself as you opened the fridge door, you bent over and pretended to look through the drinks selection. Wooyoung sucked in a breath as he saw the hem of the sweater rise dangerously high and he almost thought you weren’t wearing underwear til he saw black lace hugging your plump ass and covering your mound. It would be so easily to slip the flimsy fabric aside to see what he missed.

“Well, anyways, I should be heading back.” You grabbed a bottle of water and stood up straight, closing the fridge door. “It was nice talking to you, Woo.” You smiled at him, getting close to him on your way out. “Thank you for the strawberries.” Knowing exactly what you were doing, you leaned close to give him a small peck on the cheek before saying goodnight and heading back to your room.

Wooyoung watched you leave, heart racing and mind all jumbled up with thoughts of you, with what happened. When he saw you bent over like that, he immediately thought of how pretty you’d look bent over the island counter as he eats your pussy out.

Snapping out of it, he goes to put away the tray of strawberries but hisses when he felt the fabric of his sweats shuffle against his groin. Wooyoung groaned as he glanced down. He was bulging against his briefs.

On his way back to his room, he contemplated on fucking his fist again or letting his hard-on die down on its own. He stopped by your door and listened for any sounds of you and Mingi. A couple of seconds passed and he heard nothing. Okay, so maybe he won’t jack off…but the image of your ass in those black lace panties was so fresh that maybe another round won’t hurt.

“Dude, what are you doing?” Jongho’s voice made him jump away from your door, the youngest just turned the hall and saw him just standing there.

“Oh, I was just heading to bed.”

Jongho narrowed his eyes at Wooyoung. “Okay…weird. I’m too tired to question you right now. So just…okay. Goodnight.” The mechanic yawned, trudging towards his bedroom. He didn’t want to say much so that Wooyoung’s current assumptions would change, he didn’t want to lose his bet with San, Seonghwa, and Hongjoong.

He wondered just how long Wooyoung would agonise over his infatuation with you and how long it’d take for him to find out the relationship you had with all of them.

Oh, and most excitingly, how and what would happen when he breaks?

-- feel free to scream in my askbox about the fic I will gladly famgor; with you <3

DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR OTHERWISE REPURPOSE ANY OF MY WORK HERE. I DO NOT NOR WILL ALLOW IT.

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[iwritefandomimagines]

NOTES — JESS MARIANO

based on a request

masterlist

pairing: jess mariano x reader

description: after months of mutual pining, jess arrives at luke’s having read your favourite novel. oh, and he has some notes.

warnings: swearing, jokey sexual reference, other than that just tooth rotting fluff vibes

author’s note: thank you so much for this request, i loved it sm i had to immediately start writing!!! i hope it does jess justice — i love writing him so much. i may go back and edit some bits im not 100% happy with — but i hope you enjoy!!!

pleaaaaase let me know what you think — i love love love reading you guys’ feedback <3

———

“I finished it.”

If you were anyone else, you’d have jumped out of your skin at the sudden, and rather loud, appearance of someone beside you.

But this was you, and it was Jess, so you were more than used to your ‘peaceful’ study sessions at Luke’s being interrupted by his ever-present smirk, his flirting and his endless supply of smartarse comments.

Not that you could complain.

You’d grown used to his omnipresence over a year ago. And it had been months now since you’d realised that you no longer just tolerated his company — you enjoyed it a ridiculous amount and instead longed for it when he wasn’t around.

You eyed him quizzically, noting how proud of himself he looked for reading your favourite book, but also noticing an unusual lack of self-assurance glimmering through his expression.

“I would ask if you mean this trig stuff for Mr Elton,” you gestured down to the homework you’d been painfully poring over for the past hour, “But I know you too well to expect you to actually do your homework, so what are you talking about?”

He didn’t mention that the real reason he never studied in your trig study sessions was because he was more often than not too busy staring at you and coming up with things to say to make you laugh.

Jess raised his eyebrows, but then shook his head and cleared his throat to do a godawful impression of you, “Oh Jess, I can’t believe you’ve never read it. My favourite novel in the whole world and you’ve never read it!”

You scoffed, “If that was supposed to be me, get out of here.”

“Please, like you really want to get rid of me,” he teased, gesturing to the pile of papers in front of you, “Then you’d be miserable and heartbroken and, even worse, have to actually finish your trig homework. Besides, I enjoyed it.”

Your eyes brightened up at this, and you could tell he noticed, “Don’t look so surprised, Y/N. Your taste isn’t that bad… I mean, you hang out with me don’t you?”

“For some reason, yes,” you pretended to grumble, feigning ignorance of the butterflies in your stomach at his usual smug smile, “But you really liked it?”

He sat down in the seat opposite you now, pulling the book from his bag and slamming it down in front of you, “Well, I have notes of course.”

You rolled your eyes, at which he couldn’t help but laugh, “Hey, it wasn’t terrible. I did say I enjoyed it… Some of the notes are nice.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure.”

“You wound me,” Jess feigned a pout, “Romance isn’t usually my genre and you know that.”

“Of course. Hemingway fanboy is too cool for my sappy romantic books, huh,” you joked, heart still racing wildly at the notion he’d even started reading it, let alone finished it.

“Pfft. Austen fangirl should be less rude and give more Hemingway a try, I say,” he quipped back, tongue in cheek.

“Hey, I like Hemingway,” you shook your head, “I just don’t go to bed and jerk off over how great I think he is like you so obviously do.”

He shook his head and pulled a face that faked shock, “And how much time in the day, on average, would you say you spend thinking about what I jerk off over, huh?”

“You are such an ass,” you tutted, swatting his arm, “Approximately none, thank you very much.”

“Whatever you say, princess.”

“Anyway, if you’re done being gross, let’s get back to the important thing here. You read my book,” You reached to pull the book towards you, only for him to snatch it back and rest his elbows on it.

You furrowed your brows at him, “What’ve you got to hide in there?”

His eyes narrowed, his lip between his teeth now as though he was thinking hard about something.

“C’mon, Mariano,” you leaned forward, “I assumed that since you brought the book with you, I’d get to see at least some of your notes.”

His fingers were picking at the edges of the book’s cloth sleeve, his toes drumming on the floor anxiously like they’d recently begun to do more often when he was around you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, “Look. I’m going to give you this, and then I’m gonna leave the diner, alright? And then, and only then, you can open this book up, and you can read what’s in there. And if you never see me again it’s ’cause I’ve died of embarrassment or something. Got it?”

You rolled your eyes, chin on your palm.

He slid the book in your direction now as you watched him swallow thickly and cocked your head to the side like a curious puppy, “Ever so cryptic, aren’t you?”

“You’ll figure it out, Miss Marple.”

With that, he rose to his feet and darted out of the diner before you could even say another word.

You briefly made eye contact with Luke behind the counter, who watched you carefully for a moment before looking down at the book now carefully clutched between your fingers.

You wasted no time then, pulling open the book and desperately skimming for whatever the hell he was talking about.

You weren’t sure what on earth you expected to find when you flicked through its pages, but it most certainly wasn’t a plethora of sticky tabs with scrawled notes on about how the protagonist reminded him of you.

You expected even less, then, to find a note in Jess’ handwriting at the very back of the book declaring that he realised halfway through — when the two love interests whose relationship bore a crazy resemblance to your own, realised that they were in fact in love — that he’d been stupid to deny that he even liked you, let alone that he’d quite obviously fallen stupidly in love with you.

Shock coursed through you, your heart racing at the uncharacteristically romantic and yet somehow still so incredibly Jess gesture.

You stood up, almost knocking over your chair as you placed the book under your arm and turned to leave, “I’ll be back—uh, soon.”

Luke nodded, “Go get him kiddo.”

You smiled, butterflies whirling in your stomach as you left the diner almost as quickly as Jess had just minutes ago.

You knew exactly where you’d find him — perched on the bridge swinging his feet and letting his mind convince him you wouldn’t in a million years feel the same.

When he heard the sound of your footsteps approaching, you saw him clench his eyes shut as if in hope that he was imagining you and that you’d soon disappear.

“You can’t confess your love for me and then run away, Jess,” you bit your lip as you teased him softly, “It’s not fair not to give me a chance to say it back properly. You do get bonus points for how much of a romance novel cliché that move is, though.”

He sighed, a deep heavy sigh of relief, and it was as though suddenly he reverted to his usual self, “Technically the book confessed my love for you, actually. And the window for reciprocating hasn’t quite closed yet. I’m all ears, pretty girl.”

You loved this.

You loved how easy things always were for you with Jess.

Everything that went unspoken still never went unsaid — sure, you’d been flirtatious friends for a while now, uncertain of quite how seriously he reciprocated your feelings, but deep down you always sort of knew.

You loved that ever since he’d come to Stars Hollow, he’d shown that he cared in his own silly little ways.

And he loved you.

And you loved him.

You sat down at his side, still clutching the book tightly as he finally looked across at you with a small smile.

“You’re such a romantic, huh? I didn’t know you had it in you,” you nudged his side teasingly, “But I— Jess I do love you, and I’ve probably loved you for a long time even though I didn’t want to let myself admit it.”

“Wow, okay Mr Darcy… Wait ‘til Luke hears that the real reason you’ve only just told me that is because you think he’s embarrassing,” he mocked, but you felt him shuffle closer, “I’ve definitely loved you for longer than I thought I had too, if it makes you feel any better.”

“Much better, Miss Bennet,” you laughed, linking your arms and leaning against his shoulder as he pressed a small kiss to the top of your head.

You felt Jess’ chest rise and fall as you closed your eyes and let the sound of the stream beneath you wash over you.

“So, like, I don’t know the protocol with the whole ‘best friends to lovers’ trope like you do, so you’re gonna have to help me out here,” Jess chuckled.

You sat back up to look at him whilst still keeping hold of his arm, “Hmm, I think what’s meant to happen next is you kiss me and ask to take me on a real date. Pretty sure that’s right.”

“Right, everyone’s favourite cliche moment,” Jess rolled his eyes jokingly but cupped your face with his palms, “God, what have you done to me?”

“You looove me,” your response was muffled as he pressed his lips to yours to shut you up, at first gently and then with a touch more urgency.

When you pulled away, he let go of your face and smiled softly, “So about that date?”

“You got it, Mariano,” you grinned, kissing him quickly once more as you paused, “But you’re going to have a tough time doing anything as romantic as annotating my favourite book and writing me a love note, you know.”

He scoffed, “Oh I’ve got plenty more where that came from, Y/N.”

“Is that a threat?” you giggled, leaning back into his side.

“Just you wait and see.”

———

ok so i kinda lost my way with this a bit eventually and i’m sorry it’s quite short but i had sooooo much fun writing it. i love jess so fucking much and i’m so grateful for all the jess requests i get — trying v hard to work through them asap because it’s so fun.

thanks for reading! here’s my masterlist for more <3

[kyri45]

Hoi there!

You are so talented and creative. I love your art so much, the style is adorable ^^

I do have a few questions, as one creator to another. I don't post at the moment, but I do love making art, especially for my fanfic/original projects.

Can you tell me how you do it? Like how can you stay motivated and be able to post almost every day?

Any tips maybe on how to deal with artblocks and burnouts?

How do you pratice certain art styles and be able to do them accurately?

1. It’s because I really really REALLY like what I’m drawing right now. (gay monkies). Plus I have- an endgame lets say. I have a clear ending for my comics and reaching that point is what keeps me going, but I also ONLY draw what I want to draw, not EVERYTHING that needs to be shown for the endgame. This actually helped me go throught my ISAT AU comic.

It’s like- narrating a roadtrip. The ending is your destination, you can’t wait to arrive there, but first you know there’s a long road ahead. But you don’t actually need to describe/draw every single town / city / landscape to go there. Not every single kilometer of a roadtrip is a mouth-dropping view.

That’s why you can just-skip it. Stay 4 chapter at one diner if you like the set, focus a chapter on the protagonists looking at the stars, start a scene somewhere completely different, completely skip 30% of the road. As long as you can imply with details what was in between, you don’t need to show/write it in details if you feel it would be hard to make interesting, or just not your thing.

Also if you start to grow an audience and people ask you to draw/write certain things that you don’t feel like to, or just feel like they are extras, don’t do it.

Not because you can’t, but the MOMENT something that you create starts to feel like you are doing it for the audience, then you are not actually doing something yours, and from then on it’s gonna be harder and harder to do things. Like, I have hundreds of fanarts that I did on my IG that were mostly directed to my audience, and not something that I just did because of fun.

All of this is also- answering to your second question - for not burning out. All of this is for keeping your passion up. I’m not talking about mental or physical energy. You could be dead tired (like I am many times) but still be fueled do draw for hours. Because you’re drawing only exactly what you want.

It took me 4 years to understand. I used to do this in high school. Draw something just for the hell of it. It was harder back then, because drawing was hard. I arrived to a point where drawing is much easier (also cause I draw almost everyday for 6/8 hours.) and after I was healed from my broken arm this july, it became my drug. I understood I can’t live without drawing what’s in my head, and that (unless it’s specifically for work) I don’t wanna draw something that’s not only what I want.

I want you to arrive to the point that your drawings / fanfictions are so much exactly what you envisioned /wanted that you fangirl about them. That you read/watch them and squeak in delight. Because even if no one likes them, you must be crazy about them.

(I’ll make a post about this in the future, because it literally changed how I draw after years and it brought back my passion for art after 10 years, but rn it’s a little late and I wanna draw my LMK au so I’ll stop now)

3. I keep some reference to look at every now and then. I also draw a L O T. ( a ton shit of things that I draw are not posted anywhere bc of work)

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

The Wisdom Saga: My Thoughts

Hey all!!!! Here are my thoughts on the Wisdom Saga from EPIC: The Musical!

Overall it isn’t my favorite (Circe/Thunder my beloveds), but it’s still pretty good imho!

Legendary

Love how upbeat this one is. MICO as Telemachus is VERY good, and I especially liked the little trembles/voice cracks (?) as he sang! Gave Tem a “young” vibe.

also loved that “L-L-L-L-Legendary” lol

ITS THE ANIMATIC FROM THE REFERENCE VIDEO :D

The Suitors’ voices 👌 also ANTINUOUS JUMPSCARE. HOW DARE YOU CALL PENELOPE A TRAMP WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE TRYING TO GET INTO HER BED.

Antinuous’s lines are the perfect ick. The ToA Discord and I were all typing out various amounts of EW, ICKY, GET OUT at his parts.

Fight Little Wolf

This is possibly my favorite from this saga! I’ve been looking forward to this one for a while, and I was really excited for it! Athena coming in was brilliant and I love it :3

We’ll Be Fine

ATHENA CALLED ODYSSEUS FRIEND. OWIE.

Anybody else pick up on a similar melody to Open Arms? Because ow.

Love In Paradise

LOVED the flashbacks at the beginning!

The unhingedness Gigi gave Calypso LMAO Zero social interaction does that to you lol

“Last I checked goddesses can’t die!” Stream gets censored

I PANICKED AT THAT LMAO

all I hear are screams…the ptsd is real

“Stay in my open arms” and then IMMEDIATELY triggering an Open Arms reprise. HOW DARE YOU JAY.

NOT ONLY THAT. BUT ALSO EURYLOCUS REPRISING LUCK RUNS OUT AND ANTICLEA’S WAITING. OUCH.

God Games

This is in battle with Little Wolf for favorite Wisdom Saga song lol

THE INTRODUCTION TO THE GODS SLAPPED. WOLFY YOU WONDERFUL WOLF THAT WAS AWESOME.

APOLLO GIVING A LIL BOW AND CASUALLY WAVING TO (us) HIS ADORING FANS (also us)

don’t mind me fangirling he’s my favorite and he was GORGEOUS

Hephaestus being voiced by Jorge’s dad!!!!

I really liked how Luke Holt delivered Ares’s name. Very gritty and perfect I love <3

APOLLO’S LITTLE SMIRK WHEN HE SAYS “GREAT.” I’M DEAD I’VE DIED RIP ALDER

APOLLOOOOOOOOO

his part was sadly short, but honestly? It makes sense why it would be! Apollo really has no beef with Odysseus, and the Sirens are a little out of pocket, like he was assigned to play the game but is throwing Athena an easy thing to counter so he can get back to Orestes and also Athena owes him a solid so EPIC’s explanation for Athena helping Apollo in the Oresteia? 👀 I’m a nerd connecting the dots leave me be

“If that’s true then release him 🙄💅” Apollo has no time for this bullshit he’s like “come on dad why did you pull ME into this?” Lmaoooo

Hephaestus’s part about trust!! I love. Also the lyricism here and in Apollo’s is very very good <3

APHRODITE. Unlike Apollo and Hephaestus, who were rather quick to support Athena, she’s moments away from going “no ♥️💋”

ARES’S ENTRANCE WAS SPETACULAR NO NOTES I LOVE

DISCO HERA!! ANNIFLAMMA THAT WAS SO GOOD AHHHHHHH THE STYLE THE SWAG THE SASS 100/10

THUNDER BRINGER REPRISE AHHHHHH WITH BEAST MODE ZEUS

Also Athena ain’t dead lol she comes back in King isn’t it? Also she’s a GOD. Who CAN’T DIE.

I’ve seen criticism about Zeus attacking Athena, and about how he wouldn’t do that because she’s a favorite…but the thing is, in The Iliad, he does threaten to blast her and Hera off their chariots at one point…plus Apollo’s a favorite too, and he was nearly thrown into Tartarus by Zeus! Being the favorite doesn’t automatically mean you can get away with anything and everything, so I headcanon that Zeus got a bit more peeved than usual because of just how quickly Athena swayed the others (this can connect to the Odyssey then too, because the majority of the gods already agreed that Odysseus had suffered enough and were quite willing to let him go).

I have additional thoughts on God Games, but that’s for another post since it detracts from the actual livestream, but overall I really enjoyed this one! It’s the first livestream I’ve seen in full, though I do think Thunder Saga was more impactful to watch (I watched that livestream too, but came in at the end of No Longer You).

Two sagas to go!! I’ll be updating my tier list sometime soon as well, so stay tuned for that!!

[flowery-mess]

Hotel room

Ugh, I loved it from the beginning, not so much in the end. Let me know your opinions about this! Also, I struggled a lot with using past and present tense, English is not my first language, so I think there is lot of mistakes, feel free to let me know about them!

Summary: reader struggles with rumors about Noah dating their tour support, that leads to heated conversation with open ending and some hurtful words

Noah Sebastian x female reader

THIS STORY IS FICTION

Do you believe in love at the first sight? No? Me neither. But it’s the closest thing to describe my relationship with Noah.

We met at my friend’s James birthday party. I was newly moved to the states. I initially moved here for a year because of my work internship and James was the first person I became friends with at work. Somehow, he was connected to Matt, who was also invited to the birthday party, and he brought the guys along. “The more the merrier.” His words, not mine.

I heard about them, I listened to their music, but I didn’t want to let my inner fangirl out of me, so I kept it cool the whole night, even forgetting that they were also there.

I can’t say I am not a party person, I am, just my social battery lasts around two hours, then I need to recharge myself. So after wishing James happy birthday, talking to some of our coworkers, dancing and drinking, it was time to slip outside to take some time off.

Sitting on a garden sofa with wine glass in my hand, with my eyes closed, I heard the glass door slide wide open, the noises from inside entering my ears for a minute, second slide of the door cutting them off.

Out of curiosity I opened my eyes and saw tall person in the dark, just standing and looking around. After minute, the person started walking towards me. As I was sitting in the dark, I guessed I wasn’t seen by the person.

“Already taken.” I spared that poor person a scare.

“Oh, sorry, I’m gonna go back then.” I heard slight disappointment in that voice, and after thinking that person was feeling just like me, I spoke again.

“That’s okay, it’s big enough, you can sit here with me.”

“I don’ want to bother you, seems like you’re enjoying whatever you’re doing here.”

“I’m enjoying the silence, that’s what I’m doing here.”

“Interesting, that’s exactly what I came to do here.” I laughed a little, surprisingly not so mad about someone interrupting me anymore.

“Come enjoy the silence then.”

I realized it was him the second he came out of the shade, as the light of the moon covered his face.

“Oh hi.” I tried not to sound too obvious.

“Hi.” With that he sat down next to me.

And that was the beginning of a very long night. Lots of talking. We talked about everything, the conversation flowing like it would never stop.

“So how do you like the states so far?” Noah asked.

“Do you want me to be honest or are you too American and can’t take it?”

“Try me.” He said playfully.

“The food? Terrible, I’m surprised you Americans don’t die at the age of 30. People? I’m so glad for working at company with foreigners, you Americans are weirdos.” He smirked at that answer. “But I’ve been here just for two months so far, so who am I to judge right?”

“Yeah right, who are you, you European woman.” We laughed at that.

He was actually pretty funny, calm and very well spoken. Which, judging by lyrics of his song, wasn’t surprising.

“So how do you know James?” I asked Noah, honestly curious, cause I knew James knew Matt, not the whole band.

“He worked with us on a few shows. On our smaller shows in the beginning, he actually helped us a lot. We didn’t have security or something back then, so it was either no security or security at the venue we were playing. James sometimes grabbed few of his guys and came to the show and helped us with security in general.”

“By his guys you mean our coworkers?” I found that funnier than it probably was, but it seemed funny to me, that he referred to them as James’ guys. Me and James work at a security company. We work “at the top” aka in the office. Hire people, make contracts with venues or artists, schedule shifts etc. We provide security of any kind. We both are on the same position, most of the time in the office from 9 to 5, but he never mentioned he used to go out in the field before.

“Oh so you two are coworkers?”

“Yes! He is actually my favorite coworker and favorite American. For now.” After few glasses of wine and talking to Noah already for an hour, I felt confident in little bit of flirting. If you count that as a flirting.

“For now huh?” at least he seemed to catch on that.

After what felt like forever, Jolly came to get Noah, said that him and the guys are leaving. Noah went with them, we said goodbyes and I thought that was it. Nice tipsy talk, no exchanged numbers, no see you next time.

But exactly three days later I received a message from unknown number, saying “hey it’s Noah, I asked James for your number, I hope that’s ok. We’re having release party for the new album, thought you and James could come if you wanted to :)”

So, me and James went to the party. After few hours I found myself sitting outside again, Noah coming too just a minutes later, saying it was coincidence, but later in our relationship admitted he saw me going out and went after me.

We talked again until James came to get me and said we’re heading home. Same scenario as last time.

And then we had dinner at his place. Dinner at my place. Movie night at his. Movie night at mine. Sleepover at his. Sleepover at mine. Little innocent touches became into lustful and needy ones. Everything went great, we completed each other just perfect.

We didn’t rush into anything, we handled him going on tour just fine.

I also made big decision with extending my job in the states and staying for Noah, not moving back home to Europe. We were perfect, so what changed?

.

It all went downhill before the guys left for the tour with Bring me the horizon. I always felt bittersweet about them touring in Europe, cause that was my home and it made me feel homesick, almost kinda jealous? And knowing they would then continue with their headlining tour made it even worse.

We made a plan that I would fly to my home country week before their concert there, spend some time with my friends and family, join them for the rest of the tour and go back home with them.

I was handling everything really well through the tour with Bring me the horizon. Loved the content and the opportunity for their band. But everything changed when they released their new song with Lenora. Their support on the tour, female singer from the same label. The song started wave of content with Noah and Lenora. Edits, rumors, theories, because our relationship isn’t public, so everyone thinks they are in one.

I didn’t have any reason to be jealous of her, because I trusted Noah, he knew her longer than me, he would tell me if they had history. It was the edits and rumors and seeing it everywhere. It made me uncomfortable. Everyone saying how cute they are on stage together.

So it all mixed together, Noah being in Europe with different time zone, so we couldn’t talk much, Noah and Lenora content jumping on me everywhere, it was too overwhelming for me.

I didn’t want to take it out on Noah tho, it was not his fault. But something in me changed, some of my insecurities I guess, went out and he noticed.

“What’s going on love?” He asked later today when we were on the phone with worried voice.

“It’s nothing, I just really want to be on the plane already.” I said little white lie, sitting on our bedroom floor packing my things for next days flight.

“Only 9 hours and you’re on the way babe!” he said with excitement in his voice.

“Oh you’re counting?”

“Of course I am! That makes it 7 days and 9 hours before we’re together.” His smiled made me feel a bit better, but I was sure I can’t tell him anything now. He was enjoying the tour so much, it felt wrong worrying him with my feelings now.

“I can’t wait Noah.” I felt like I was gonna burst into emotional mess soon.

“Me too love, me too.” We shared a look through the screen for a minute, before Nick saying they had to go on stage in a few minutes. We said our goodbyes and I love yous and hang up.

I closed my eyes for a minute, just focusing on my breathing and trying not to cry. I couldn’t explain what was going on in my head even if you held gun against my temple.

.

Long story short my week with friends was amazing. I felt more relaxed, until I saw Noah’s contact on my phone.

Everyday I felt my mood change a bit and my body stiffen more, when he texted or called me. And he noticed. Last few days it projected to the way we spoke to each other. It was cold? Just simple “Hi, the show was great, can’t wait to see you, love you.” conversation for literally two minutes.

Through the week I also couldn��t miss the new content about Noah and Lenora and that made me less and less excited for my hometowns show and for seeing it live. They were going to the next city later the next day after my hometown, so we decided to stay the night at a hotel, which I saw as great opportunity to talk about this tension, that was created by the lack of communication and through phone screen.

.

I went to the venue earlier to meet the guys there, then I would be coming back in the evening with my friends.

Entering the venue was weird. I wasn’t this nervous meeting Noah for our first date, so that was a weird sign for me. Security guys led me to the green room, so there I was. Standing behind the door, holding my breath in and not wanting to go inside.

It took me few more minutes to calm myself down, but I opened the door.

First person I locked eyes with was Folio. You can’t be sad seeing him excited and happy that he can hug you. Folio is the one I’m closest with from the band, so the hug really gave me a bit of courage that I needed. Then I was met with Jolly’s big hug, then Nick.

Last but not least, right, was Noah. We stood just looking at each other for a minute, neither of us making the first move.

“Hi.” I said first.

“Hi.” was Noah’s reply. I spoke first, he acted first. He grabbed my face by my cheeks and kissed me. Just a peck, as if he was asking for permission. So I kissed him back. The kiss was so tense, nothing like before.

“I think we should talk.” He whispered, keeping this conversation just between the two of us.

“Yeah we should. Can we do that after the show?” I really didn’t want to make tonight’s show bad for me, him or anyone else. He was enjoying this tour so much, I couldn’t be the one taking the joy from him.

“Okay. You’ll leave from here with us right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, meet us here after the show okay?”

“Yes.”

And that was it. I stayed for an hour, but we didn’t talk more then the short conversation. When they left for soundcheck, I left to meet my friends for drinks before the show.

.

Their new collab song with Lenora started playing and I prepared myself mentally for what I’m going to see.

Lenora was dressed in tight navy jumpsuit, with her long hair in low sleek bun as she started singing her part. I saw Noah come on the stage, with the mask on his face. For most of the song he sat on the led display, but then he came down and I saw them interact in real life for the first time. It didn’t make me jealous, it made me think of how many new videos I’m gonna see the next morning. Their little handshake. Cute, right? Gonna be on my for you page too. The song is great, she is great singer, I don’t have anything against her, I just can’t help the pressure from fans. I knew what I was getting myself into when we became a couple. But you can’t prepare for some things until you live them through.

I enjoyed the show, I love their music and it was really lovely to see Noah performing live after long time, seeing him in his element enjoying himself. We locked our eyes few times, seemed like he was checking in on me, because he doesn’t like me watching their shows from the crowd, saying he’s scared some is going to hurt me. We shared looks, smiles through the entire show. For a moment I forgot what was waiting for us once we make it to our hotel room.

After saying goodbyes to my friends I made my way to the green room. I walked in and felt the good mood coming from everyone in that room.

“Hey Y/N! Did you like the show?” Jolly gave me a side hug after I closed the door.

“I loved it! And the fans did too, wasn’t the crowd amazing?”

“It really was, hometown making you proud huh?”

“Oh definitely, I was scared you’re not gonna come back here if they fucked anything up.” I continued conversation with Jolly for a bit longer, feeling Noah’s gaze on me the whole time. He looked sad that I was talking with a smile on my face to literally anyone other than him. That went on for like an hour, then he finally spoke to me.

“I’m done with this. Let’s leave and short whatever shit is going on out.” Was what he said to me.

“Hey everyone, we’re leaving. We haven’t seen each other for a bit and I’m really tired. So goodnight everyone, thanks for tonight, good job.” Was what he said to others.

.

Ride to the hotel was silent. Neither of us spoke a word. He already had key cards to our room, so we went straight to the elevator, then straight to room number 497.

Noah opened the doors and let us in. I started opening my suitcase to get something to sleep in, I was in need of shower.

“Can we talk now, please?” Noah finally broke the silence in the room.

“I would like to get shower first. I need a minute to process everything in my head and what I want to say.”

“Oh, okay.” I felt bad, because he looked like he was tired from the show and from whatever was going on between us, like he needed this pressure off his shoulders, but I needed to think what I was actually going to tell him, because suddenly I felt like I was making big problem over nothing.

Hot shower helped relaxing my body, but my mind was still tense. Do I make this bigger than it needs to be? Is he going to laugh at me, my feelings? Is he going to break up with me?

So many thoughts at once. That gave me courage to get out of the shower and get this over with. Release the pressure off bot of our shoulders.

I slowly opened the door that were connected to our bedroom.

Noah was sitting in bed, his back against wall behind him and his phone in one hand. I carefully walked around the bed, sitting on my half of the bed in the same position Noah was. He put the phone down at my presence, but looked straight ahead of him. I did the same. We stared at the wall infront of us for a moment, neither of us wanting to start the conversation.

I never experienced this tension and atmosphere between the two of us. This was new and we didn’t know how to handle it. Neither one wanted to start a fight, things just needed to get cleared.

“I want to say something, but I don’t really know what. I don’t know what happened, I don’t know if I did something. I’m really confused now. It seems like everything changed overnight.” Noah was the one to speak first.

“You did nothing wrong, Noah. I don’t know where to start I am so confused with my mind right now.” I felt tears forming in my eyes already, as very sensitive person, I cry every time I have to deal with something. And honestly this was making me so sad I was surprised I didn’t cry much sooner. But I needed to get it off my chest, so I continued.

“It’s just after you left for the tour to Europe, I started feeling really weird, jealous I guess? This is my home and it felt weird, you being here without me. I love that you are enjoying it and loving it here, but it made me miserable. Made me feel homesick, because I realized that except you and the boys, I have like two friends in the states. So, I just felt like everything I was missing was here at the other end of the world than I was. And honestly, I felt like shit.” Before continuing my monologue I turned to face Noah, see if he was listening to me, watch out for his reactions. He turned to face me too, he had look of worry and empathy in his eyes. He made me feel heard.

“And then Concrete forever started and suddenly there was Lenora with you. I know what you are going to say, but let me finish first please. I know we talked about her and I told you that I feel fine about her and you don’t have to ask me for permission to work with someone. And that is still true, but I can’t stand the rumors about you two. I want to keep our relationship a secret from the public, but I really wanted fans to know that you are dating me, not her in that moment. I can’t stand those tweets and videos on my page, with theories about you, how you look cute together and other shit. That hurts me Noah.” At this point I was crying, letting it all out.

His face got worried, he tried to hold my hand, but I started feeling tight knot in my chest and I needed to do something rather than sitting in this bed. I stood up and started walking from one wall to the other. It was also the first time I let Noah speak since the start of conversation.

“Why didn’t you tell me? We could talk about it and come up with solutions that would be okay for both of us.” Of course, I was expecting question why didn’t I tell him sooner.

“Because it’s not your fault Noah, or Lenora’s. You do your handshake; you sing together and that’s fine with me. I don’t blame you two. You two are not the ones that make content of that. I trust you 100% and I didn’t want to make you feel like I don’t. I thought I should deal with that on my own.”

“Well we are in a relationship, both of us, it’s never just you. You can tell me anything and I will listen, okay? We can always make a statement or perform differently if that’s what’s gonna help you. I don’t mind that at all.” At this point Noah was standing in front of me, trying to catch my hands in his to make me stop panic. After he managed to catch my hands, he pulled me in for a hug. I realized I needed that. Physical touch, just feel his body. Our chests rising at the same time as he took deep breaths with me and held my head against his chest.

“No you don’t get it Noah.” I pulled away, ready to let all my thoughts out.

“I don’t know what is going on, I never felt this way when you went on tour in the US. I just- it makes me think if moving to the US was good idea. I love you Noah, I do, but you are the only thing keeping me there and when you’re not there, I go crazy.”

“Let’s not make any sudden decision right? Cause you’re making me scared right now of what’s going to happen. Your feelings are valid and I get it, but I’m gonna be back home in a week and then we can find solution together. You can come with us on the next European tour.” As if that was solution to everything.

“It’s not just that and you know it. I don’t even know what solution I want, I’m a mess Noah and I don’t even know what to say, how to explain my feelings.” I started sobbing so hard. I hated this feeling. Feeling of being so distant with myself, not understanding what I feel.

“Oh baby, let me help you. Let me in so we can do this together.” I knew he was asking for me to stop pulling away from his touch, because that’s what I did for most of the conversation.

“It’s hard for me Noah, I’m used to dealing with everything by myself I don’t know how to do this. Maybe I wasn’t ready for a relationship yet? Maybe we should have waited before making it this serious.” I saw the hurt on his face, he was scared of what I’m gonna say next, but there was nothing, just silence.

“I think every relationship has its ups and downs and that break up isn’t solution, if that’s what you mean.” He was being very patient with me, but I saw him losing it a bit.

He was tired, physically tired and I wasn’t helping with this emotional mess. After a moment of him waiting for my answer that never came, he continued. "I hear you, I want to help you, but I don’t really know what you want from me now. We can’t stop going on tours in Europe, you say you don’t want to go with us. What’s gonna happen if next time another female singer is coming along? The rumors won’t just stop, until we make it public. You know I hate that idea just as much as you do, but I’m willing to do that if that helps you.”

He spoke for a few minutes so I calmed myself down a bit, focusing on my breathing, but before I could say something, Noah spoke again.

“And I don’t want to hold you against your will in the states. If you don’t like it there, you can move back here and we can do long distance, but apparently that’s not what you want either.” Guess he just had enough and decided to choose harsh words.

“Yeah well maybe you could be more understanding, that I moved there to be with you, because I love you. I love you, not the country. I would move for you anywhere.” I spoke words of love, but my tone was just as harsh as his. I know repeating the whole night that I don’t know what I’m feeling or what I want is frustrating but attacking me for my feelings for sure doesn’t help.

“Didn’t you say you needed to escape this country? From your broken family and ex? Don’t put this on me, you could have said no to moving.” Ouch, I didn’t expect that.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say now, you know why I took the internship. We talked about that. Don’t make up something that’s not true.” My voice was quieter now, because he stabbed in a wound that he knew hurt me a lot.

I took the internship 3 months after me and my ex-boyfriend decided to end our relationship after 5 years. It wasn’t ugly break up, we grew out of each other and wanted to experience some new things, meet new people. I didn’t leave the country because I was broken hearted, but because I felt like I finally had space to try new things. I chose united states, simply because it was the only open spot that did require only English, not other languages I can’t speak. It’s that simple.

“Something that’s not true? So you didn’t run away from you mother who thinks you’re not good enough and caused you mental problems and from dad that doesn’t give a fuck about you?” ouch again. I didn’t recognize this side of Noah.

“Noah I-“ I scoffed with a deep breath, “why are you bringing this into conversation that is about something else? My family has nothing to do with how I feel about us. And for your information I told you all about that because I thought I could trust you, not for you to have something to throw at me in a fight for fucks sake!”

I let my hand slip through my hair, turning my back to him, because I didn’t want him to see that he made me cry again. But he didn’t stop.

“Well your upbringing has so much to do with how you handle your relationships so I think we should talk about that.”

“You know what I think I should change room with Nick or get new one just for myself. I wanted to have conversation about what was happening to us, but I believe you’re just tired and didn’t mean anything you just said. So I’m gonna pack my things now, leave this room and I’m gonna see what plane tickets I can find for myself for tomorrow. Seems like we both need more time to think about what’s going to happen with our relationship, how we treat each other, because I know damn well I don’t deserve you talking to me like this when I have been nothing but respectful to you.”

“Running from another problem, aren’t we?” He laughed, making reference to me moving to the states.

“Shut up Noah, shut up. Get some sleep and think about what I told you in the beginning. Think about what you want from this relationship, because we’re gonna have another conversation when you come home.”

I didn’t listen if he said anything else, I went to the bathroom to pack my things. When I came back to the bedroom, he was sitting on bed, facing the big window and his back was facing me. I made sure everything was in my luggage, I left my key card on the bed and went for the door.

“Goodbye Noah, I love you.” No reaction from him. My heart ached so much.

.

I got myself new room, paid for plane tickets for tomorrow evening and tried to get some sleep.

Actually, I cried myself to sleep, thinking of what was going to happen with our relationship once Noah comes back from tour. I didn’t recognize him tonight, he was like a whole different person than I knew before tonight. I was hoping for an explanation, for a valid reason he acted the way he did tonight, still hoping it was just his tired mind talking. Or maybe his frustration from the lack of my communication skills.

I was almost asleep when my phone buzzed with a new message.

I managed to read it before fully falling asleep.

“I’m sorry, I love you.”

[gvenevera]

Kuroshitsuji Musical ~ 寄宿学校の秘密 (Secrets of the Boarding School) 2024 ~ VERA’S REVIEW!

Yes you read that right! I’ve had the most fateful chance to watch the very first performance of the newest Kuromyu in Hyogo last Saturday, so I figured I’ll eternalize some of my best memories here.

Before we begin: the LIVE STREAMING is available for the LAST PERFORMANCE, September 29th 2024, HERE! For only 3800 yen, you’ll get to watch it live at home, or watch it later for up to 1 week (October 6th)! Apparently you need a Japanese VPN though, if anyone knows how to navigate the site, please do share.

A few disclaimers from me:

*Anti-shippers DNI. This post barely has any shipping content at all but I don’t like people who harass others over fictional preferences. I’m a shipper, I can’t help being biased for my OTPs.

**Since photos were prohibited in the venue, I’ve included stage pictures featured in official news websites or accounts.

***This is by no means a critical review but merely a fangirl’s ramblings, and I often drew comparisons to the original stage play Kuroshitsuji Musical: Secrets of the Boarding School (2021). For reference, I suggest you watch it first! I intentionally avoided rewatching the 2021 version close to the airing date though, so my memories may not be accurate. Also my Japanese is mediocre so I apologize if there were important dialogues I didn’t catch.

Introduction

I know, sorry for the dilly-dally intro. But I’d like to first stress that ever since I started following Kuroshitsuji in my first year of university (like 9 years ago now lmao), I’ve ALWAYS dreamed to watch the stage musical live in person. When 2024’s performance was announced immediately after the last episode of the anime, I was overjoyed to see that our old cast was coming back.

And it was fate that gave me the opportunity - my scheduled work program this year was set to be in Kyoto AND during September! Needless to say, I had the Kuromyu ticket bought and reserved first, before my confirmation with the Kyoto office or my visa and plane ticket. Priorities, right?

Quick remark on the ticket process: I hit a snag right in the beginning because the ticket reservation website Eplus required a Japanese phone number to sign up. I contacted multiple people (middle school friend whose brother used to work in Japan, another who was quarter-Japanese, several dealer websites with high rate exchanges), until I settled on my roommate’s friend from high school who was currently working there. Many thanks to her and my roommate for the help!

She took care of registration for me - even so the advance sales was a LOTTERY ticket! We fortunately got the lucky draw - I saw many Japanese fans on X who were not so lucky, while others bought in bulk to sell later. Then, I used the online barcode to exchange for a paper ticket when I arrived in Japan on September 1st. That’s when I get to know my seat number - 3rd floor, 2nd row B. A very far position from the stage, but it’s alright because we’re here for the atmosphere anyway!

The performances for the first 2 days were set in Hyogo Performing Arts Center, KOBELCO grand hall. I’ve honestly never been to any kind of music performance (or even concerts) in my life, so I was blown away by the sheer size of the venue.

By 10 AM, the audience was trickling in. I was in awe of the fact that you can tell who was coming in to watch kuromyu - beautiful women dressed in black-and-white tones, many even sporting gothic lolita bows and dresses to keep up with the Victorian England theme. In fact, it felt like the whole of Ikebukuro were gathered here in this very building!

We were ushered into the hall entrance at 11 AM and let me tell you, the crowd was suffocating! In front of the theater, there was a goods section for Kuromyu merch. I’m so glad I took the time to queue up because it seems some of the merch were starting to sell out by the second day. The booth clerk looked perplex to see a non-Japanese customer here though. Here’s how the line looked like, and this was still early before most of the audiences got in:

(We’re not supposed to take any photos but I saw the warning signs too late…Here’s a view from where I was sitting on the third floor.)

I realized then as we were settling in that some ladies around me had binoculars!! Well how was I supposed to know you could bring those here, instead of trying to find those fancy opera glasses!?! Ah well, I was lucky that I’d recently had my prescription glasses updated and the seat to my left was vacant, so I could lean in to see the center better.

The Performance

While it is true that you can barely see the actors’ faces from the balcony seats, it was the grandness of the performance itself that blew me away. For the first time I could see the stage in all its entirety, all the actors dancing in synchronization, and the special effects…oh it had improved A LOT from 3 years prior!

The stage sets for Weston may look a tad “crowded” in the still photo, as compared to the original where they used white backgrounds but in reality, it blended in so prettily with the flashing stage lights. The middle section was a rotating floor and one of my memorable scenes was where Ciel and Sebastian were discussing their plans while crossing the rotating stage, to give the illusion of “strolling across the school grounds.” Sounds like a simple trick but if looked amazing from above.

On to the story itself - the execution actually barely changed from the 2021 rendition, which for me, was a relief! Now I know, some would argue a rerun should add in different elements, because who would want to see the same thing twice right? From past experiences with Kuromyu, the reruns tend to be hit or miss - different actors, different song remixes, voice changes, and so on. For this performance, I could barely tell that the cast (apart from Ciel, Sebastian and Undertaker) were all new members. Everyone got into character flawlessly!

The story of course followed the entirety of the Public School Arc. The script and choreography was almost identical to the 2021 stage musical version. If you would remember, this Kuroshitsuji arc was the first to be portrayed on stage before the anime adaptation - same as previously, they seemed to take inspiration from the manga only rather than the anime.

Some key moments from the play:

The opening sequence was again a recap of the previous arcs - Jack the Ripper (Lycoris that Blazed the Earth), Book of Circus (Noah’s Ark Circus), Book of the Atlantic (Tango on the Campania). I’ve always loved this part because you could tell they slipped in iconic themes from the past musicals.

Perfect Black: the main theme, and my favorite from this stage! I’m so happy to have heard it live! *swoons* Thank god they didn’t do anything weird to remix it. The whole cast dancing together was beautiful! However I thought 2021 did it better with the dramatic light focus on Sebastian during the chorus drop.

Ciel’s Earl of Phantomhive outfit was changed from the glittery blue suit to a blue-green checkered coat this year. (I’d have bought his Earl photoshoot set if I knew it beforehand) Yana-sensei later tweeted that she was the one to re-design it, to better match Eito. Then Eito Konishi himself replied, saying he was honored to play as Ciel Phantomhive, to which Yana-sensei praised his singing and called him “Eito-bocchan” …boy was he fanboying hard over that. He’s one of us!!

Arrival at Weston: I don’t have a comment on the P4 in particular, they were all straightforward from the manga. I think I like Redmond’s character the most here, he looked very pretty with the side-ponytail and while he was a show-off still, he wasn’t as annoying or arrogant as I somehow expected.

A notable interaction: Violet forcing Greenhill to pose for him at the swan gazebo. Greenhill’s actor really looked strained trying to keep an upside down bridge pose (Edward was supporting his back, but kept getting distracted). When he broke the pose and got up, Violet hit him over the head with his sketchbook so hard that the thump echoed through the hall.

As for the Prefect’s Fags: Edward and Cheslock were giving off some suspiciously gay rivals-to-lovers vibes over here. Which I kinda vibed with, I hope they kept the energy into the Blue Cult Arc!

One important thing: they kept the ALL the Fag lines! Which in Japanese accent also kinda sounded like them repeatedly calling each other “Fućk”. Oh how I wish the anime had kept those!

Soma Asman Kadar: now this guy deserves an ovation just for himself. Not only did he kill the role, he was also the funniest! Soma’s song was greatly improved and lengthened with catchier music and dancing - when his troupe “arrived” at Weston, he even dragged Ciel and Clayton to join in. I can’t do it justice, you have GOT to see those two English gentlemen crack the Indian dance moves! His pestering of Maurice Cole was hilarious and he kept exasperating Ciel out of his character, their chemistry was wonderful. I really didn’t expect to get hooked by Soma in this arc out of all people! Too bad Agni wasn’t here.

Maurice Cole’s miniarc - Flawless. Sometimes I wonder if he was an easy character to play just because his character trait is so extremely over-the-top lol.

The library kabedon scene and sebaciel burning Purple House scene didn’t exist. Another scene cut off from the last musical was where Clayton and the Blue House kids were congratulating Ciel on his fag duties and Sebastian took the chance to blend in with them. Sadly that was one of my favorite adlibs.

Ciel’s dream sequence: this was originally in the 2021 musical. After a talk with Macmillain made him revisit his past trauma, Ciel “dreamed” of the cultists, and Sebastian’s close call with Undertaker in BotA. I actually forgot about this part when I watched it in theater - the highlight was sebaciel reenacting the scene in BotA where they reached for each other, the enactment surprisingly gave me the impression of Ciel’s “worry” over Sebastian’s “vulnerability” here. Unlike the 2021 version though, Undertaker didn’t pull Ciel into a bridal carry or referenced the R!Ciel wake-up scene as clearly.

The second half after the break was the long-awaited Cricket Match. Like the previous version, there was no scene of Ciel jumping into Master Michaelis’ arms, but I think they just couldn’t fit that one into the sequence. The cricket songs were mostly the same as the original - with an improvement being them cutting out Red House’s random beauty pageant contest. It actually felt like the cricket match went by faster this time, which was a win in my book. I’ve heard people complain of Kuromyu 2021 being a “Prince of Cricket” musical, hence the bad reviews back then.

The laxative meat pie scene was hilarious. From Sebastian faking it as a student complete with Red House’s uniform, to the team’s diarrhea horrors. Redmond stole the show again, as he was going to help Harcourt in the middle of the field, but tragedy struck which made him deadpan: “Oh. Someone get Harcourt.” Then immediately left the stage lol. The Blue House kids lifted Harcourt out.

The Green vs Purple house battle was the same as last time. I always felt bad to see Cheslock being the only Purple kid doing his best because without any support member cast while Violet was sitting in the grass. But this time, he gave Cheslock a tree sculpture of his bust as a good-job reward! Good for them.

Lastly Green vs Blue. They incorporated the rotating stage again in the last batting when Greenhill accidentally hit Ciel. The end of the match cut straight to the Thames Boat Ride, then they did the Blue House cheering scene after. Sebastian finally got to do his signature bridal carry, awww.

Midnight tea party: the setting was even more beautiful than last time. Undertaker letting his hair fall from his hat was iconic as usual. I was impressed with Master Agares’ fight scenes because his actor looked quite older than his 2021 predecessor. I always liked how they did Derrick Arden’s death in the musical, it felt more anguished from the P4 POV while in the anime, it just felt like a gruesome horror scene.

Final musical number was Ciel-Sebastian-Undertaker chorus during their fight in the garden. Music and choreography seemed to be similar, EXCEPT they somehow changed the iconic “Your life is my priority” scene!!! 2021’s version had me hold my breath as Sebastian had his arm possessively hooked around Ciel and took off his glove with his teeth (seriously, you have to see it yourself). This time they had Sebastian and Ciel reenact the scene on the highest stage instead of front and center, and I didn’t feel as much suspense nor was there any glove-removal from what I could see. It was also a weird placement because they were so far away, and Undertaker should’ve been the one on the top as he did his goodbye pose holding the moon.

We end the story with Sebastian recapping the aftermath with Weston’s students, and finally sebaciel’s conversation back at the manor. Again, Ciel reiterates that Sebastian is the only one who could never lie nor betray his trust. Perfect Black came on as an outro, and I got chills when Sebastian ended the last verse on a raised note!

The curtain call was the experience I’d waited for. Somehow I only realized just then that the actors would do the full call during their finale performance, which was what we got to see in the recordings! That day, after the cast bowed twice, the exit announcement immediately came on but guess what? The audience, including myself, kept clapping all the way through the announcement, it went for so long that the cast actually came out to take another bow! As they returned on stage, most of us also stood up for a standing ovation - according to twitter this doesn’t seem to be a regular occurrence outside of the finale. It felt like a truly wholesome “welcome back” for the troupe and for Kuromyu, especially after the rather harsh criticisms from the previous stage (due to major cast and style changes, even I took a while to bring myself to watch it) and the long break due to the COVID years.

Overall summary

Kuroshitsuji Musical 2024 was a faithful rerun of its predecessor. They succeeded with the musical numbers, new cast, overall adaptation of the story. The settings, props and special effects were wonderfully upgraded. The original cast carried the show: Eito Konishi’s singing felt greatly improved and I thought he carried himself as more mature than his last performance as Ciel. Sebastian’s Toshiki Tateishi had a mesmerizing voice the more I listened to him, he never went out of breath even while dancing or fighting - truly vocals fit for the troupe leader. Kandai Ueda did well as his own Undertaker too, even with Undertaker’s peculiar accent.

My few complaints: I felt like the P4 cast (bar Redmond) could do to have more distinction in their tones and movements. It felt hard to distinguish who was talking at times. The performance seemed to have a faster pacing this time around, and you get less absorbed in certain conversations between the characters, so I wished they’d added in slow scenes here and there. And of course I miss the signature sebaciel moments that I’ve mentioned - granted, this manga arc had always been my least favored because of the lack of sebaciel interactions anyway! So I’d say they did the best with the source material.

While I enjoyed seeing my favorite production performed live with the music blasting through my eardrums, it was the atmosphere that truly made the experience for me. Sitting in the 4-storeys grand hall full of some 2000 Kuroshitsuji fans really pulled me back in time, especially during the standing ovation. I’m so happy to see my favorite series so loved after all these years. I’m sure Yana-sensei could feel it too.

I wish a successful performance for the cast going forward to Tokyo, and hopeful for many more musicals to come!

[paraliveimaginesblog]

There is an action called "cute aggression" it refers to the need to squeeze, bite or kiss very hard something cute, like an animal or someone we love, without any desire to cause them harm, about that I wanted to ask for hdcs for toma, yuto Hajun and Kanata, who feel an attack of cute aggression every time they see their partner? Jeje thank you and a hug from a distance *hug*

(I'd get that way seeing Toma for SURE)

Hajun Yeon:

Hajun would not hesitate to call you crazy on that one, but he doesn’t stop it either. You had been worried once that he might not enjoy PDA, he did have his princely image to keep up and while you knew his true disdain for his fangirls, you didn’t want to upset the reputation he projected. Yet there are moments where even he was too cute for you to resist, and you couldn’t help the urge to tackle him in a hug. He wasn’t mad at all but the same couldn’t be said for the frenzy of girls who ogled you, the jealousy written all over their face as they loudly questioned why Hajun wasn’t pushing you away.

Kanata Yatonokami:

Kanata always glared at you when you suddenly attacked him with a hug, asking what your problem was despite knowing exactly why you had attacked him. He’s more annoyed that you do it when he’s concentrating but you can’t help but be struck with how beautiful he looked when he was thinking, squeezing him tighter and refusing to let go despite his protests. He would normally make a promise to spend more time with you later but he needed to concentrate in the moment so kindly buzz off (he censored himself for the sake of your feelings, which was another cute thing that had you falling in love with him all over).

Toma Hikage:

Toma was always a little surprised at the sudden love attack but he didn’t mind it; he did appreciate it more when you warned him he was about to be tackled though. He appreciated that you were honest about your feelings for him, he was meant to look this cute after all, but you could tell there were times where even he got embarrassed. Mostly when your ‘cuteness aggression’ acted up in the mornings when he felt at his worst, skin unwashed and hair a total mess, but he guessed that’s how he knew it was true love with you.

Yuto Inukai:

Yuto always brought himself down the rabbit hole of cute because he still wasn’t used to you being so affectionate, which meant when you suddenly threw yourself at him steam could be visibly seen coming out of his head. You’d never seen a man with cheeks that got so red but he returned the affection for you with a tight hug of your own, asking for some mercy as he couldn’t help but want to reciprocate twice as much when you got like this.

[aberooski]

You guys really don't understand how BIG my smile was when they said "when the light is green, the trap is clean" at the beginning like I love this shit THAT much ✋😭

FINALLY GET TO SEE GHOSTBUSTERS !!! LITERALLY SITTING IN THE THEATER WAITING RIGHT NOW AAAAA !!! AND I WORK HERE SO I GET IN FREE MUWAHAHAHAHA 👻👻👻👻

[anyamaris]

Crimson and Clover

Word Count-4k

Summary-After centuries of boredom, one random encounter changes things. It's just a matter of whether it's for the better or not.

Pairing-Vampire!f!reader x Ateez

Trope-Supernatural AU

Warnings- Vulgarity, mentions of blood, leg humping, random ridiculousness, injury from accidental supernatural powers, lots of biting, references to blood, drinking blood, hospital setting, reader passes out at one point, a bit of obsessive behavior, will eventually contain smut so MINORS DNI 18+

Tags- @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @yoonguurt @shinestarhwaa @babesindestroyland @lemonhongjoong @stardragongalaxy @kpop-stories-21 @flowerboykun @millennial-fangirl @ericssmile @kthpurplesyou @changbinslovelylegs @yeosxxx @ssaboala @millennial-fangirl @starillusion13 @duchesskaren

As always thank you to @cafekitsune for use of banners and dividers!

A/N- This started out as a convo with @sanjoongie that got me all feral and now it's become its own little monster. I hope you enjoy, and I plan on just writing for fun. It's a little cracky so that's entirely intended. I decided on the title because I love the song and the lyrics are kinda perfect. As always, comments and reblogs and feedback appreciated!!!! Thanks also to @babesindestroyland @mint-yooxgi for listening to my ramblings about this and helping me brainstorm things! I appreciate you both sooo much! 🤍💜🤍

“No.” you slam the door in the pleading man’s face.  You’d seen and done a lot in your many, many years upon this earth, but not once has someone been this persistent to have you use them more.  “Please!  Please…just…listen…” You just groan, having heard it all in the last 48 hours.  Never once have you regretted biting someone so much.  

“Really, I have so much more to offer you, my whole body! I…I have friends too! Think of all the delicious blood!” He’d been ambiguous before but this was too much.  You could handle him screaming outside of your apartment about sex, orgies, bdsm, but mentioning blood takes the cake.  

“Are you out of your fucking mind?” you ask as you whip open the door, grabbing the man by the throat and yanking him inside.  The delighted squeal he lets out just has you rolling your eyes as you toss him onto the couch.  “Oh god, that was so hot-” “STOP.” you demand and then he’s on his knees in front of you, his dark brown eyes looking up and blinking at you.  

“Yes, mommy.” he purrs out and you heave out an exasperated breath.  “I’m not your mommy, kid.” you tell him, poking him in the forehead and pushing, the force barreling him over.  But instead of deterring him, he’s crawling eagerly back over to you, his eyes glinting even more from fascination and excitement.  “But…I want you to be my mommy…” he pouts up at you and you can’t help but let your eyes bleed red, your fangs filling your mouth as you kneel down to grasp his hair and yank his head back.  

At the club, you’d been sweet and kind to him, so maybe showing him your true nature will work.  “I could drain you dry faster than your heart could register your veins being empty.  Don’t test my patience.” you hiss into his face.  Instead of fear, you frown in dismay as he whimpers and slides closer to you, pressing his now hard bulge into your thigh. Dear lord, was he…was this boy…..??

 “Are you…humping my leg?” 

“Listen…will you stop that!” you yell as his hand creeps up your leg.  “I don’t even know your name-” “Wooyoung, it’s Wooyoung….” he pants out and you roll your eyes at his desperation.  “How did you even find me?” you ask him, standing up and shaking him off of your leg.  “If you keep sticking that lip out, I’ll tear it off and eat it.” you tell him and just like before, instead of backing off, it seems to encourage him even more.  

“I’ll let you do whatever you’d like.” he says, reaching for you.  “SIT DOWN.” you tell him and he scrambles to take a seat on your couch.  You rub a hand over your face, frustrated.  Stupid, stupid, you think to yourself.   You’d let yourself get careless.  “Wooyoung.” you say, glaring at him to keep him seated.  “Answer my question.” He looks confused for a moment but then his eyes tell you that he’s remembered.  “Oh!  I…it sounds really strange…but…” he glances at you for a moment, watching you cross your arms.  “I can smell you.  Well…it’s not like a smell really, but …. I can sense you, like a smell but it’s different…” he explains and you sigh, sitting down next to him. That was new…was your blood affecting him differently? 

 Patting him on the leg, you just turn to him, frowning.  “Wooyoung? You..what you’re experiencing is probably just a side effect from the bite.” you tell him, and his eyes fill with lust the moment you mention it.  “No-” you have to push him back, holding him in place as you talk to him like a child.  “It’s not real, ok? I didn’t intend for it to happen, but I must have not been thinking the other night. Sometimes if I bite someone, they feel a bit funny afterwards.  It’s probably just blood loss, it just might have done something strange to you.” His pout has you feeling guilty for doing this to him.

“If you go home and give it a little time, it’ll wear off, alright?” you tell him, trying to get through but he’s shaking his head.  “I don’t want it to go away though!” he tells you, grabbing your hands and placing them on his face.  “I like this, it feels nice.  YOU feel nice…” he sighs out, licking his lips, placing a kiss on your palm.  “Are you listening to me?” you say to him softly, feeling a bit sad because he truly was a beautiful man.  

You could-… NO! What were you thinking?

“I want to always listen to you.” he breathes out, his mouth meeting yours before you can stop him again.  His lewd groan as he climbs on you, pressing himself against you has you almost giving in to him.  It has been ages since you’ve had more…intimate affairs with a human.  Hell, with anyone at all.  His tongue brushes against your elongated fangs and his hiss as he nicks it has him grinding against you.  The taste of blood mixed with his kiss has your head swimming and without thinking, you throw your hands out to get him off of you. 

Unfortunately, your strength being what it is has him launching across the room and slamming into the wall before you can think.  Jumping up with a yelp, you run to him and panic.  “No no no…oh shit…” you cry, grabbing him in your arms and taking off.  This was going to be a long long night.  

This is how you find yourself in the hospital instead of out feeding, and you pace as you wait for the doctor to come back.  Looking down at the slumbering man, you frown with guilt.  You can’t help but wonder what kind of human he is without the craziness of your effect on him.  Was he really some weird stalker? Or was he some nice guy who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time?  He was a pretty human but looks were very deceiving, you’d found through experience.  

Hearing a commotion in the silence of the hospital, you glance over as the curtain is drawn back to reveal two men.  The shorter one clucks his tongue and shakes his head, taking in the slumbering man.  “Woo…what did you do this time?” he says, but then a third man is pushing into the room, launching himself onto the bed with the unconscious man.  

“Oh my god-” you start, drawing the eyes of the two men still standing.  “Who are-” “Wooo!! WHAT HAPPENED?” the man on the bed is saying dramatically and all three of you sigh simultaneously.  “Um…I-” “Sannie?” you hear, turning to see Wooyoung’s eyes are open, but sleepy.  “Sannie?” Then he’s sitting up, looking around as the dark haired crying man is clinging to him.  “Where is she?” he is asking and you sidle behind the two men, sneaking out of the little curtained area.  

Should have left when I had a chance…shit…you think.  You are confronted with a fourth man now and you stop, looking around.  “Holy crap, how many of you are there?” you ask and the beautiful man in front of you just tilts his head at you as he takes you in.  “Four.” he responds and you can only nod.  “Uh huh.” “Eight all together.” he adds and you just nod along.  “Ah.”  

“Can you tell us what happened?” you hear from behind you, and you turn to see the taller of the first two that came in, his big dark eyes full of concern.  “I swear, I didn’t mean-” you start but he sighs, pinching his nose.  “I’m sorry for whatever it is he did, he’s just reckless sometimes, but he means well.” The man glances back towards the curtains, where you can hear voices arguing and you turn to the fourth man, who is just nodding.  

“What did he get you wrapped up in?  I apologize on his behalf.” the beautiful man is saying, and then the taller man…who is also gorgeous…what the fuck?...is taking your hand.  “If you’ll give us your name and a contact, we can-” “NO -SHE IS!” you hear yelling and you tense up, knowing that shrill voice at this point.  You’d been hearing it for days.  

“Woo-you can’t just disappear and then end up in the hospital and expect me to believe-” “SHE IS, I’M SERIOUS.” You attempt to pull your hand from the tall man’s grip but you’re too nervous to use much power.  Then the curtain is shoved aside before you can get away, Wooyoung standing there in a hospital gown as his wild eyes land on you.  

“HWA! Don’t touch her, she’s mine!” he screams, coming over to pull you into his arms.  “Wooyoung!” The man is yelling, pulling together the back of the open gown where his bare ass is hanging out.  You just stare at him in shock, gritting your teeth as he holds onto you.  “Hongjoong, she’s mine! I won’t let go!” he is crying, whimpering as the man you assume is Hongjoong is trying to pull him off.  

The man holding your hand, the one Wooyoung called Hwa, is frowning at Wooyoung as he clings to you, shaking his head.  “What the hell did you take? Have you been drinking? I’m so sorry,” he starts saying to you, then the fourth man is next to you, whispering his apologies as he tries to pry Wooyoung off you as well.  

You just stand there in defeat as you try your best not to toss the man again, looking over at the final man sitting on the hospital bed, seeming to have found some crackers they’d left for Wooyoung and was happily munching on them as he watched the chaos before him.  Sannie? You recall Wooyoung saying, he just smiles at you and shrugs as if this is all normal. 

“Wooyoung…” you murmur and his head snaps up, his smile cheerful.  “I love when you say my name.” he sighs out, then he’s pressing his lips to yours before you hear all of the men cry out, and finally he’s yanked off of you.  “What in the hell has gotten into you? Are you insane?” Hwa was asking him, the unnamed man gently pulling you behind him.  “I’m so sorry, are you alright?” he is asking, his eyes darting between you and Wooyoung.  It’s your turn to pinch the bridge of your nose as you sigh.  

“Yeah…I’m fine.  He’s not though.” you mutter and the man’s eyes study you closer now.  “You’ve got something to tell us.” he states and you feel your heart stutter as he seems to read your mind.  “Uh-” 

“She’s a vampire! She drank my blood and now she’s MINE, she’s MY VAMPIRE and I want to KEEP HER!” Wooyoung is yelling and the man staring at you raises his eyebrows in shock as he watches his friend.  “Well…that’s new.” he says, shaking his head.  “Stop it this instant!” Hongjoong is saying, then a doctor is pushing them out of the way as they get him back into bed, Sannie moving to the side to keep watching.

“Was he drinking?” the man named Hwa asks you and you can only nod as you bite your lip.  “Umm…you could say he was drinking…” you respond evasively, looking away.  “Well..I apologize profusely for his horrible behavior.  Can we go somewhere to talk if you have the time?”  You check the clock and notice that it’s 435am and you wince.  Noticing, the unnamed man places a hand on Hwa’s shoulder.  

“It’s extremely late…or early…” he turns to you and holds out his cellphone.  “Could we exchange numbers and talk when it’s not…like this…” you all look over where Wooyoung is pointing at you, crying and arguing with the doctor and his friends.  “Yeah…I guess that’s fine.  I can…explain later.” you murmur and they both nod as you put your number into his phone.  He immediately calls it as you pull out your phone and you reject the call to plug his contact info in.  

“Yeosang.  My name is Yeosang, and this is Seonghwa.” he gestures to the taller man.  “Ah, Hwa…Seonghwa.” you nod, noting Yeosang’s name in your phone.   “San is the one to the side, and Hongjoong is the one yelling.”  You nod as you bite your lip, really wanting to make sure Wooyoung is fine before you just leave.  “It’s my fault.” you tell them, feeling horrible.  

“Sorry? Your fault?” Seonghwa asks and you nod.  “I … he was…being kind of clingy like you saw and well ... .I may have shoved him.  I think he hit his head.”  The two men just stand there, staring at you for a moment, incredulous, then look at one another before they burst out laughing.  Your frown deepens as you realize they aren’t taking you seriously.  

“I’m sure he’s fine, he’s likely just doing this for attention.  He will be fine, I’m sorry he’s been harassing you.” Seonghwa is saying, and you look back at the now sleepy man.  They must have given him something to make him calm down.  As you watch, his eyes meet yours and the pain and need in them has you feeling awful and guilty.  

“I…just let me know if he is alright?” you ask Yeosang and he nods, both of them thanking you as you wave goodbye.  You stop by the desk on the way out to make sure his bill is covered, alleviating some of the guilt.  “Going to have to be more careful…” you tell yourself, rubbing your forehead.  You hadn’t been able to feed given the circumstances and now you were going to have to wait until tomorrow night before you could go hunt. 

As you make your way out of the emergency room doors, you feel your head swim a bit and you have to stop to fight a wave of dizziness.  You’d gone without feeding before but this reaction to it was unnatural.  The weariness you feel as you make your way to the parking lot suddenly becomes too much and you’re suddenly aware that down is up, and up is down.  You wonder why the night sky is in front of you as everything goes black.

“Somethings wrong! I HAVE TO FIND HER!” Wooyoung sits up, screaming.  Seonghwa’s eyes are huge as he watches the heavily sedated man start to fight to get out of the bed.  “Wooyoung, what the hell! STOP!” Hongjoong is yelling, holding him down with San.  Casting a worried look to Yeosang, Seonghwa goes over to talk to him briefly.  

“I’ve never seen him like this…maybe…” Yeosang watches Wooyoung thoughtfully, then sighs, nodding to Seonghwa.  “I’ll go make sure she’s fine, just to alleviate his worries.” Seonghwa nods, chewing his lip as he turns back to go help the others with Wooyoung.  Shaking his head, Yeosang walks through the emergency room area and out the doors, sure he will find you and have to apologize again.

Instead, he’s dumbstruck as he spots your body laying still on the pavement of the parking lot, seemingly lifeless.  His calm is shaken as he rushes over to kneel beside you, lifting your limp arm to check your pulse.  “Holy shit…oh no…” he murmurs, then slips his arms under you to pick you up, turning to return to the emergency room. 

 Before he can take two steps, he looks down in shock to see you gazing up at him, your eyes now crimson as you instinctively reach for him, your hunger too overwhelming so near a source of blood.  “What-” is all he manages before your fangs are sinking into his neck, pangs of hunger finally satiated as you moan in bliss at the taste of him.  

He’s different from Wooyoung; Woo’s blood was rich and savory….but this man was sugary sweet, like a dessert.  Your moan mixes with his as you drink greedily, and he slowly lowers the both of you to the ground, his arms holding you close, urging you to drink more.  Finally coming to your senses, you pull back, horrified at your behavior.  

You’ve never felt so blood starved, so uncaring of your surroundings before; not since you’d been a fledgling vampire, trying to make it on your own.  You were in a lighted parking lot, exposed and vulnerable and here you were drinking from someone you’d just met after having harmed his friend.  “Oh no….I’m so sorry-” but he’s cutting you off, his mouth seeking yours, his eyes glazed with need.  

“....more…take more…take it all…” he’s whispering, then he’s kissing you and you’re too startled to do anything but let him for a moment.  “Wait…hey..oh man…” you are trying to speak but the man is shoving his tongue down your throat and it’s extremely hard not to just kiss him back.  Finally grasping ahold of his shoulders, you force him away from you and stifle a laugh as you watch him continue to reach for you, his cute lips protruding for more kisses.  “Yeosang? YEOSANG?” You finally manage to get his eyes to clear a bit, but his hands are still a little gropey and you are more shy about the PDA you’re both giving off right now than the blood drinking.  Strange, but true.  

You manage to extract yourself safely from his arms and stand, looking down at the now seemingly afflicted man.  His big brown eyes are gazing up at you in desire and admiration causing you to groan in defeat.  “Not you too….” you whimper and then he’s standing at your side, arm around your waist.  “I’ve made you upset.” he whispers, and you can only groan, wondering what the hell is causing this strange effect on men you’d just met.  

“You are a vampire.” he states, smelling your neck, nuzzling you and you have  to push him gently to keep him at arm's length.  Luckily, he doesn’t seem to be a spastic as Wooyoung, but he was still being persistent.  What was going on with these men after you’d bitten them?

“Unfortunately, yes.  Please…look…I just haven’t fed and I am so sorry for doing that-” you manage, but he’s shaking his head, and you watch him shudder.  “Damn…now I understand why Wooyoung was so frantic…this is ... .wow.” he swallows and licks his lips at you, and you suddenly have the feeling of being someone’s prey.  Much different than the dynamic you were used to.  Trying to put more space between yourself and him, you back away a bit.  

“I think it’s safer if I leave-” you tell him, but he’s shaking his head, his eyes pleading.  “No..don’t go…please…you can have more if you’d like. Just don’t leave.” he begs, reaching for you.  “You know, it’s not smart to go around offering vampires your entire blood supply, pal.” you hiss at him, looking around.  

“I…suppose you have a point…” he nods and you roll your eyes.  “I don’t know why this is happening, but…just ... .don't come near me…AND DO NOT OFFER YOUR FREAKING BLOOD TO OTHERS-god…do you two have a death wish or something?” you ask him, and he just tilts his head at you.  “No, I don’t think so…but if you want me to-” “I do not want you to die.  Holy crap…I didn’t even want to bite you!” you yell at him and he frowns at you, looking a little bit hurt. 

“Did you..not like my blood?” his lower lip juts out a bit as he touches the spot on his neck where you’d drank from him.  “Was it not good enough?” he continues, then you’re walking back towards him, feeling awful.  “Oh…no no….that’s not it at all! Oh my…no your blood was delicious, really!” The smile he gives you has you backpedaling again as he runs to you and is nuzzling you again.  

Oh you little shit, you think and have to give him some credit.  He was a little bit smarter than Wooyoung in getting close to you, choosing subterfuge.  But you did not want a repeat and another mortal in the hospital. You may have plenty to spare for bills, but the guilt would just smother you.  “Look…please…I may be a vampire but I’ve worked hard on not being a monster.” You tell him and he frowns as he takes your hand.  “You could never be a monster to me.” he tells you and you just put your face in your hand.  “I’ve upset you again…” he mutters and you just shake your head without looking up.  

“No…yes….I don’t know.  I’m an all powerful vampire and here I am being flustered by a few humans who want to be my snack.” you snort out.  Suddenly he’s pressing against you, tilting your head up to make you look at him.  “What-?” “I don’t want to be your snack.” he whispers, brushing his lips over yours and you shiver a little.  

“I want to be the only meal you ever need.” “Well fuck.” you choke out, swallowing hard.  “That’s a new one…shit.  Goddamnit..NO!” you say, trying your best to be gentle as he presses himself as well as his…obvious arousal against your leg.  “No..no.  No.” you keep saying, then you spot the tall man named Seonghwa coming out of the hospital and feel a sense of relief.  

“Seonghwa!” you cry, trying to walk towards him but Yeosang is clinging to you so you kind of pull him along with you as you shuffle towards your savior.  His confused look is understandable as he watches the man paw at you, holding on as you try to free yourself.  “What the…what in the world?” he stammers, mouth hanging open at the sight.  

“Please help….he…I…shit.” you just say, pleading with your eyes.  “What the hell has gotten into you, Yeosang?” He sighs as he tries to pull him off of you, but he’s pouting again and you have to try to not look at his angelic adorable face.  “I understand Woo, he’s a mess…but come on man…this is unacceptable.”  Hwa says and Yeosang just whines as he finally lets go.  

“It’s our secret.” he whispers as he is pulled away and you just frown at the two men as you back away.  “I’m sorry…yet again…I am not sure-” he starts but you put your hands up.  “No no…it’s my fault…listen just…we can talk on the phone, it’ll be better that way.” you say, turning and taking off to your car.  You can hear the cries of the afflicted Yeosang behind you and your heart drops.  If only what they were feeling was real and not some weird blood thing.

When you finally get home, you just look around your lonely apartment and feel the overwhelming emptiness of your life creep back in.  The last 72 hours had been the most eventful you’d had in a long, long time and a small part of you was kind of longing for the physical touch of someone again.  Those poor boys, hopefully it’ll wear off and they will forget all about you.  

That’s what you wanted right? “Of course it is!” You scream at your walls, then you’re apologizing loudly as your neighbors yell to keep it down.  “Don’t make me come bite your ass too, dick.” you mumble, then snort, remembering Wooyoung crawling all over you, his lips on yours, offering you himself and his blood.  Then Yeosang…

You definitely didn’t go to sleep that morning fantasizing about draining them both dry in more ways than one.  Definitely not.   I wonder what would happen if I bit any of the others? You think drowsily as you drift off with the sunrise. 

[tothepointofinsanity]

I have a similar-ish art style to you in the sense that a lot of my art just by the way I stylize certain features makes my it look creepy. This is a huge problem for me because I do genuinely love drawing cute stuff but I can’t because of my art style. I don’t want to completely change my art style because one that would take forever but two drawing things that are scary and creepy help me cope with my agoraphobia and paranoia. I know this is more of a do you have advice than a proper question but what would you suggest I do?

(side note: I ADORE YOUR ART!!!! I especially love your Sayaka work as a massive pmmm fangirl)

Hello, firstly, thank you for taking your time out to write out a long ask. (/ _ ; ) <- Grateful. I’m not a reliable person to ask things about in terms of art given I’m not a professional or good at it, but as usual I will try my best to answer your question here.

I suppose there is a perspective that what constitutes as “cute” differs from everyone, and often I’ve noticed that things that are cute can also be creepy simultaneously depending on context, not just by changing styles alone. Kyubey is an example of this, if you must. It has all the markers of “cute animal design” - round eyes, large bushy tail, cat-like ears, and in the show it behaves like a cat hopping around and perched on the shoulders of the magical girls. Yet it’s not restricted to the interpretation that it’s just cute, since later on there are different things which make it creepy. The context of what the alien creature represents, for one, or the way shots of it are accompanied by a gloomy, industrial background which contrast its bright, supposedly cheerful colour scheme, or how there’s nothing humanly sentimental in it whenever it focuses on Kyubey’s eyes. These transitional details are what balances something that can be deemed both creepy and cute, although not everyone might share this perception.

You don’t have to change your art style, just the way you want to stylise cuteness in your own way. This could mean cutting down “realistic” details for the subject but still keeping the way the background is coloured or textured, for one. Cute things can be achieved also by being simplified. I think Kyubey would look terrifying and not cute at all had they went with a realistic cat design and not an “anime” styled one. One reference I often think about is the way Gekidan Inu Curry captures the dichotomy of Sayaka.

In this example, the highlight is the “size” or composition of the subject. Sayaka on the left is closer to the audience, so we can see her details clearly (how tall she is, how her eyes look, the shadows coloured over her heart). It makes her seem menacing because she’s so close and doing strange things. Yet it has a retain “moe” charm to it because the way it’s coloured and being sketched that it seems…cute. In its own way. Sayaka on the right is sitting further away and enjoying a drink atop a mountain of fluffy Anthony balls. It’s worth noting as well how her eyes in the second picture are more simplified, being drawn on as dots, but the style does not outright lose its creepiness [the weird, dated shading on the umbrella, her hair being textured darker, the background being a fuzzy red].

What you could do is try thinking about how something that is cute would look like in your style. If that makes sense. It is a sort of attitude that affects the approach of your art. Thus it’s strongly encouraged to experiment with what you can draw in your current art style instead of needing to change it. If a rabbit is cute, can you find a way to make it look cute in your style? What is the core appeal of the thing you like? What elements are making current results unsatisfactory by your standards? What do you have to adjust? — Those are questions you’ll venture the answer yourself, and the more you draw, the more your style changes on its own, organically, so don’t worry about it. You may not be able to draw cute things today or tomorrow, and you will likely struggle to get the process of it, but eventually you’ll certainly be able to draw the diverse things you really enjoy without having to sacrifice the personal components of your art’s identity and what it ultimately means to you. With all that said, I’m not sure how realistically useful my suggestion or advice will be, but I will nevertheless be supportive of your endeavours. Good luck!

And thank you! I love drawing Sayaka, so I’m happy people like seeing her just as much. ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶!

[sidecharactersdomatter]

Thoughts I had during TGCF S1 Ep 7

-Previously on TGCF…

-Xie Lian: I didn’t mean San Lang. Ruoye: Really? Ok! *lets go of him* (Sorry I just love coming up with dialogue for Ruoye, and you’ll see more of this later in Season 2!)

-Oooh the sudden chirping during the Sandstorm music, sounded similar to the noise Gale makes in Frozen 2

-He got him!

-It’s official!  Xie Lian is shorter than San Lang people! 

-It’s like they’re fondly embracing each other…

-Don’t be sorry Xie Lian, you’re doing amazing sweetie

-Hi Fu Yao and Nan Feng!  XD

-Xie Lian: Listen better!  You’re a bad band!  Ruoye: Sorry…

-Time to wrap up this rescue!  Pun count: 7

-There’s that wind chirping noise again

-I’ve heard of a close knit unit but this is just insane!  Eyyy (I’ve been waiting to use this one in another of my fave S1 episodes). Pun count: 8

-He doesn’t have any other options Nan Feng

-A cliff!

-Well it’s good to keep everyone together

-Is that Rock Plateau also similar to the Si Won Rock the Gaang found in the same desert episode? (Another good reference, and I hope there aren’t any buzzard wasps/circle birds and weird gross cave honey)

-I wonder who’s watching out for them anyway?

-Oooh a light spell from The Owl House (It’s official, TGCF has been helping me cope with the end of The Owl House people)

-I love NF and FY’s banter so much

-Aw he was concerned for Xie Lian

-Yeah how does he know so much about the perceptors?

-Oh really…

-It is really dark

-Well that ain’t great

-There’s so many people

-There’s pissed off Nan Feng

-I almost the uncle’s name was Jeong (like Jeong Jeong from the avatar) but it’s actually Jiang

-Diplomacy wins again

-Oooh now San Lang’s skeptic

-Why does the Guide Zhao also have red eyeliner?

-Man the only kid in the caravan

-The Sandstorm hasn’t let up

-He sat on a tombstone!

-The writings in Hanzi and not Arabic

-So savage Fu Yao

-I’m learning Mandarin and even I don’t know what it says

-They’re reading together folks

-And now Tian Sheng’s curious too

-The soldiers look similar to the army in Disney’s Mulan

-Yes that is so complicated right now

-Ooooohhh That poor poor general

-Fu Yao has experience of being on the battlefield

-Aww Tian Sheng

-Tripping on your shoe laces is not how anyone would want to go out oooohhh

-Yep it’s just comical picturing that final moment

-And then they all bow to it to respect the general it’s both funny and endearing!

Yep still can’t read it

-San Lang totally said that to trick them

-Oh and the way Xie Lian called San Lang a ‘Prankster’ *Fangirls like crazy!*

-COBRA!

-He caught the tail fwoo!

-That’s an animal that would totally fit in the Last Airbender world (I wasn’t kidding when I said this is for the Adult Last Airbender fans)

-San Lang using the cobra as a jump rope has added at least 10 years or more to my lifespan!  XD

-SO MANY COBRAS!

-Thank you Fu Yao and Nan Feng

-The Sandstorm is over

-No the kind merchant uncle!!!

-He got stung!

-Oooh that’s how you stop the venom from spreading

-Oh no and 4’s an unlucky number in China

-That’s good reason alright

-No telepathic communication out in the desert

-Oh no another cobra!

-He saved San Lang!

-Oh no now Xie Lian got stung!

-Oooh San Lang ordered Ruoye to become a bandage

-(Another spell that inspires my TOH AU, including the venom sucking for healing magic!)

-He is sucking the venom out like a G!  Get yourself a man like San Lang people!

-This moment between XL and SL is so freaking sincere

-I could do an essay on why Hualian is the superior ship than Stolitz is right now, but I might end up pissing off fans that watch and defend HB’s problems, so it’ll never happen

-Xie Lian’s so brave during the venom sucking

-You know we’re all thinking what Xie Lian’s thinking about how he’s going to clean San Lang’s bloodied lips (I’ll let you share your answers in the comment section)

-And San Lang makes the snake explode like a boss

-Aw Tian Sheng’s concerned

-He’s so selfless

-And Fu Yao’s stuck with merchant sitting

-Oooh a travel montage

-Really lovely desert travel music!

-And then Fu Yao gets pissed off while the merchants sneak away!  XD

-They made it to the ruins

-Yeah he does know an awful lot

-It’s those women again

-Oooh foreshadowing with that banter

-Uh oh the woman in the black cloak spotted them

-Another cliffhanger people

I know episode 6 in Season 2 came out today, but I’m finishing my reaction compilation of Season 1 before I get to the next season ok?

[firefly-fez]

i know i only think so because i am still a 9 year old fangirl stanning my one (1) fave at heart… but I get sad at no ahsoka reference in the gunji episode. I know the Gathering arc took place after the Citadel arc, so there’s no reason Echo would know the two have a connection, but I am just imagining Omega is befriending Gunji and he is telling her stories about his time as a Jedi initiate and Echo is just repairing something not really listening while Gunji tells some story about his cohort being attacked by pirates while they were on a quest to build their lightsabers and their Padawan escort fought them off. And Omega just thinks that is so cool and Gunji says they all did too. They were so inspired by her, they used to argue over which one them could be the apprentice of Ahsoka Tano one day — Echo’s eyes go wide at the recognition of the name and he just can’t help the pang of grief that arises. Just one (1) moment of Echo being sad when Gunji talks about his Jedi trainer. Is that so much to ask 😭

[right-stopthat-its-silly]

When were you first introduced to Monty Python?

I can’t remember a time where I ‘wasn’t’ aware of Monty Python per say. I was never introduced to the movies or show by anyone unfortunately, but I knew they existed because so much other media I’ve consumed has made references to them or about them at some point. I just started getting really into them (like tumblr page hyper-fixed fangirl account amounts) recently though! It’s giving cringe newbie fan vibes, I know. I am like so obsessed now please send help.

^ me rn (i have no brain cells left)

[pridepages]

Worship: I Was Born For This

I just finished I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman. I have thoughts...

Here there be spoilers!

The late great David Foster Wallace once said: “In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship.”

He was right. In modern society, many of us have turned away from organized religion. But if we think that means we don’t worship something...then we are fooling ourselves. It is deeply rooted in human nature to seek something bigger than ourselves, to find somewhere to place our faith. So if we can’t find it in god...where do we look?

In their third novel, Alice Oseman examines a new golden idol: celebrity culture and fandom. I Was Born For This is told in two voices: Angel Rahimi, a big name fangirl of boyband The Ark, and Jimmy Kaga-Ricci, one of the members of The Ark. Over the course of a week, these two lost souls re-examine the role that faith has played in their lives--be it faith in religion, in others, or in themselves--and each has a period of crisis when they must decide if they have chosen the right places for their faith.

Interestingly, both Born’s Angel and Jimmy are religious characters: Angel as a muslim and Jimmy as christian (even the band The Ark is a reference to the bible, and the hit song ‘Joan of Arc’ is in reference to a Catholic saint). And Jimmy identifies as a gay transboy. So none of this is to suggest that traditional organized religion can’t ever have a place in queer people’s lives. Rather, the idea is that the modern world has created a new religion that a lot of us practice. It invites the question: what role do we allow celebrity culture to play in our lives? Why do we care about these strangers? Why do we obsess endlessly about these fictional stories, characters, or personas? We laugh about not being able to ‘behave normally,’ but...how funny is the joke, really? 

But let’s roll back the tape: how does Oseman show that celebrities occupy a space akin to deities and religion in people’s hearts? It starts with the nature of the love that fans have for the objects of their obsessions. Angel starts by debunking the idea that being a fan is about indulging in a purely romantic fantasy, describing her love for The Ark as:

“not a romantic confession. It’s so much deeper than that. Love sometimes doesn’t feel like the right word. The feelings I have for The Ark are what keep me going every day. They get me out of bed, even when everything is shit and I’m feeling worthless...Needing, desperately, to think about anything apart from yourself.”

Note how Angel’s speaking: looking for something outside herself to motivate her, to give her hope, to help lift her out of the darkness of her life...this is the language of faith. Angel knows that she has never met the actual people in The Ark. She’s not delusional. She actually is aware that she loves the idea of The Ark. She loves this abstract concept that she can hold in her heart and mind as comfort and inspiration. This is the speech of a lost soul looking for something bigger than herself to believe in. This is the kind of love a person has not for another human being...but for a god.

And it’s nothing new. As a grandmother points out: “I’ll never forget what dear old John Lennon said: We’re more popular than Jesus now. They attacked him for that, I’ll tell you. But he was right. It was a religion.”

And where did this modern religion come from? Why did people, particularly young girls, place to put their idolatrous, bigger-than-me love in celebrities? Grandma further hypothesizes about the Beatles that:

“Their music was good and fun, yes, but they looked kind. They were attractive, but not in a scary, very masculine way that many young girls find intimidating...They gave these girls something very safe to love. Something that would never bite them back...everything would bite you back if you were a girl.”

It’s such a fascinating choice of words: looking for something that won’t bite you. Because the Old Gods can and do. At least, the humans who translate and push their texts do. Queer people may come to worship bringing love in their hearts and be shunned as sinners, cast out from that God’s light. That love may curdle into something sickening, something painful. Instead of being a source of strength and hope, that Higher Power becomes an enemy. So it makes sense that the space becomes empty, that the outcasts then need a new, safe higher power to believe in...even if that higher power was manufactured specifically to appeal to them and to sell them things.

Another key aspect of worship is that it isn’t just about the individual. It also connects people to their wider world. In the old days, communities would often be bound together in person in houses of worship. People would meet, probably weekly if not more often, and see their friends and neighbors around them. Regardless of any conflicts outside the walls, these communities would come together and express their shared tenets of faith. They would be reminded of their better selves, and they would agree to take care of each other. It was a place to be reminded of love and forgiveness for your fellows. 

Unfortunately, many of those communities have also traditionally demanded conformity. If you deviated out of the bounds of ‘the norm,’ then you would be cast out. Queerness has traditionally been considered such an unforgivable deviation. So many of us have turned our backs on these communities. And that left a vacuum. Born shows us that fandom has become a whole new version of the faith based community:

“People think...fangirls all just want to kiss the boy-band boys and marry them and live happily ever after. Whereas if you actually asked a lot of fangirls, they probably wouldn’t even say that they had a crush on the boy-band boys....Add that to the fact that there’s an extremely high percentage of LGBTQIA+ people in fandom, particularly queer girls, usually because it’s a much more diverse and accepting space than real life.” 

 What Angel hits on that’s of interest here is how fandoms are communities purportedly dedicated to loving celebrities or art, but their true purpose is to serve as a hub that connects the fans to each other. Have you ever read a book, heard an album, or seen a movie and immediately wanted to share it with people? Then you’ve brushed up against this kind of worshipful love. For many, it will end there. But for the ones who don’t have other places to put their faith, their worship, or find their people...it goes farther. This is what fandom culture is really about. 

Unfortunately, we have a problem. Like any all-consuming love, like any love that takes something manmade and tries to elevate it to godlike perfection, fandom love can turn toxic. It’s a thin line between passion and obsession. And obsessing over something as imperfect as another human being or their creation? That’s a recipe designed to bring out our worst selves. Sometimes, I look around and I feel the same way as Jimmy’s granddad: “the saddest thing about you fans is that you don’t care about yourselves...You cling to them like you’re reaching out to a god. They practically keep you alive. But beneath that, and if you took it all away, you fundamentally do not value yourself. All your love is given away. You leave nothing for yourself.”

It’s too easy to get lost in the trenches of celebrity worship, fighting each other in the trenches about the morality of liking or consuming certain art, elevating others, and dissecting all of it to within an inch of its life. Think about the ‘fans’ who send death threats, who force celebrities out of the closet, who try to even cancel other fans just because they love in a different way that is largely disapproved. Or, it may be as simple as the fans like Angel who insist if they just get to see the object of their adoration one time, and it goes perfectly (no pressure), then they will be happy for the rest of their lives. Celebrities may seem to be an amalgamation of money, targeted advertising, and talent...but underneath the fiction is a human. And humans are too fragile and fallible to carry that kind of worship. There is a reason we used to put it on invisible, abstract gods: they could take the pressure. 

Of course it’s important to find sources of joy in the world. Art absolutely does that. And, in the modern world, we have unprecedented access to the people who help make that art, be it actors, musicians, or any other kind of creators.  As wonderful and enriching as art can make life, “There comes a point where you have to help yourself. Believe in yourself.” Art and artists bring us joy, but that doesn’t make them gods. They are human, and so we need to stop expecting perfection either from the creation or the creator. Instead, we need to look into our hearts and make sure that the love there is sustaining us instead of stealing from us.

Remember...everybody worships. So be conscious of where you choose to place your faith.