#I can’t even write properly bc I haven’t been able to focus

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

*head in hands* ough….

[crystillyzed]

at the rainbow's end // mysta rias

pairing: mysta rias x gn!reader

word count: 4.1k

genre: fluff, staff!reader, mutual pining, wingman elira

content warning(s): swearing, unedited

summary:

After nearly a year of hearing each other's voice, you finally meet him.

a/n: this was originally going to be released as my 100 follower celebration since i hit that a while back and to make up for the lack of event since i don’t have the time to host one. but with mysta’s graduation this past weekend, i didn’t want to keep this in my drafts since i’ve been working on this for like practically a year now.

this fox-dog man means so much to me, even though i can’t really catch his streams due to timezone differences, but he means So Much to me. i got back into writing because of luxiem, but he and shu were the ones who got me back into the swing of writing which is amazing bc i love writing. i just lost all the motivation to do so until i found them last year. even though he’s no longer in niji anymore or mysta anymore, i will keep writing for him. in fact, i actually have like 3 or so mysta works in the drafts lol

and speaking of writing, this is the first long fic i’ve written in 3-4 years. i’m considering crossposting this onto my ao3 as an alternative access to read longer fics bc ik how tumblr is poopy with loading long text posts. i’m a bit rusty when it comes to writing long fics, but i hope you’ll be able to enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing this 🧡

links: luxiem m.l || main m.l || ao3 ver (if tumblr dies)

You twist your head from your phone back towards your monitor, displaying the Discord window showing your current private call with your blue dragon friend.

“Mysta’s WHAT?”

“Yeah, he’s coming along on the trip,” Elira laughed. “You didn’t know?”

“Apparent-ly! What the hell!! Luca, that motherfucker, I’m gonna beat his ass when I see him!”

She howls with laughter as you ramble on and on about how Luca told you everything about their planned trip but didn’t tell you about Mysta’s planned involvement. Once you’re done, she takes many deep breaths to calm down. “You should come with us! It’s gonna be fun. And, you’ll get to see him again.~”

You can’t really see each other’s faces, considering you’re both in a voice call. But god damn, you can hear the eyebrow wiggle in her teasing tone.

“I can’t,” you groaned, “I have finals when you’re there. As much as I wanna skip it, I really need to pass.”

“Damn, you can’t even get a referral from staff to get you here for a business meeting? Unlucky.”

“Can’t even do that anyway. I already told my professor that my trip’s been canceled, so now I have to take it.”

Though you’re not a liver for the company, you are, however, a staff member for the company. Specifically one of the staff in charge of promotions. Of course, you mainly focus on promoting EN and sometimes the other two now-merged branches. In fact, that’s how you got close to some of the livers.

As one of the staff promoters, you have to speak with the associated livers about PR stream offers and their convention appearance invites. Since you’ve been interacting with the livers the most, you’ve become friends with a few of them. Some namely Elira and Mysta.

Honestly, it’s not that you play favorites with the livers. You try your best to keep your relationships professional with them. But your bond with a specific fox-like man says otherwise.

You see, Mysta has been a joy to be around with. Although you haven’t met him in person yet, you have played some multiplayer games with him. Sometimes you check out the EN Minecraft server to see if the installed mods are working properly. Weirdly enough, almost every time you visit the server, Mysta is online. In fact, that’s how your not-so-business relationship started.

When you first entered the server, after double checking if no one was streaming at the scheduled hour, he was the first person you met. You thought you would run into Selen, Pomu, or perhaps Uki during your visit, but you were pleasantly surprised at his sudden appearance. Luckily, he was kind enough to show you around the server while teaching you some mods. With, of course, the trademark Mysta Rias experience packaged with sexual innuendos and teasing about. Well, except he didn’t go completely sexual considering it was your first time meeting him. He has some decency.

After that, you’ve run into him almost every time you visit the Minecraft server. Every visit eventually turned into hangouts, just you two (and sometimes another liver) chatting and building projects in-game. Soon enough, you and Mysta started to play other games together. You both played games such as Overwatch, Clubhouse, and sometimes League if you felt like torturing yourself for some reason.

Obviously, you had to keep the professionalism on both sides somehow. Your fellow staff members, especially some livers, noticed your close bond with the detective. So they usually send you to his DMs to discuss about any promotion offers involving him. Whenever you have your cameras on for a meeting, he somehow always flusters you with sudden flirtatious marks or something of the sort mid-conversation.

“Hello? Helloooooooo? Is someone there??”

Elira’s voice yoinks you out of your thoughts. Oh god, were you spacing out this entire time? How embarassing.

You clear your throat then respond as if you weren’t thinking of someone just now, “S-sorry, did you say something?”

“Oh my god. It’s that bad,” she mindlessly mutters.

Blink blink. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” she quickly retaliates. With a slight hum, she speaks again, “Since you’re gonna be stuck in hell… Want me to get you something? Like a souvenir or a limited edition thing? I literally have your address, man.”

Oh right, she does. Sometimes you and Elira send gifts to each other like figurines or plushies at random times.

“Nah, I’m good. Thanks for the offer, man.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I’ll still probably send some pics buuut… Y’know… Just saying…”

There she goes again, doing that thing where she wiggles her eyebrows even though you can’t see her fucking face right now. Goddamn it, why did you tell her about your… thing with Mysta? You should’ve known that she’s NOT going to let it go.

You groan, “Just. Just surprise me.”

“That’s so vague! Do you know what that means?”

“Yeah? So? Surprise me.”

“Man… You have no idea how much power you just gave me.” She cackles for the next few seconds, making you start regretting your decision. “Okay, I’ll surprise you. Just don’t forget you asked me to, alright? And no complaining!”

“Okay, alright, fine! I won’t complain! Jeez… Now get to bed, nerd, you have a flight tomorrow.”

“Sheesh, what are you, my mom?” You both chuckle at her remark. “Okieee~ I’ll go pass out now, I guess. Good night!”

“Good night, Ewiwa. Have a safe trip.”

And you both leave call. Well, maybe you should get to sleep too. It’s getting super late, after all.

—

Mysta stares at Elira across the table in disbelief. “Finals? Of all times? Bruh…”

“Haha, yeah! Super uncool and lame and not something I have to worry about soon,” his penguin colleague beside him laughs with a dreadfully crazed look in her eyes. She anxiously reaches out for her soda and starts drinking rapidly.

“Wh— it’s not like I can control it or anything. Shit happens!”

“I know, it’s just…” he drawls off as his gaze lowers to the table. Admittedly, it’s difficult for him to hide his expression. So naturally, the two girls noticed his disappointment. Elira and Petra awkwardly look at each other, then to him, then back at each other.

“Hey, it’s okay, Mysta,” Petra says as she pats his back. “You can always see them next time! Like Nijifest!”

The dragon nods, “Yeah! Or you could see them the next time you take a break. Like going on another vacation or something.”

“If I have enough money for it,” he sighed. But he gives them a small smile to appreciate their attempts to soothe him.

Petra frowns. “If? Mysta, you’re literally one of the top livers in EN, like? Hello? Mr. One Million?”

“But I still don’t know when that’s gonna happen. Might as well be in a year or maybe like half a year or something.”

Elira’s eyes narrow. She quietly listens to their conversation, or bickering at this point, while taking some occasional sips of her drink.

For the past practically a year, Elira’s been one of the victims to both of your hopeless gushing.

She already knew about your friendship since you’ve talked a lot about it before. She knows the stupid hijinks and drunken confessions that you and Mysta told her about off stream. Her eyes closes as a confused thought crosses her mind, Seriously, how are you two not dating already?

Of course, she’s quite aware that the rest of Luxiem are both of your victims. Hell, when Elira’s alone with the other boys, it’s usually them talking about how astonishing that you and Mysta aren’t together. Sometimes, they make bets on who’s going to confess first. It’s obvious!

Even with the two going back and forth, practically becoming one with the background, she closes her eyes and hums in thought. Finals should be finished next week, she mused. Her visible eye opens as she takes a glance at the ashy haired male. But he’s been so busy lately that they haven’t spoken with each other…

The entire EN branch had a full schedule for the past few months. In fact, their schedule was so full that sometimes the livers couldn’t make their own streaming schedules nor stream in general. Mysta, of course, was no exception. As one of the most popular livers in EN, he’s one of the most busiest people she’s ever known. On top of that, you too have been busy recently too. You haven’t been able to hang out with him as of late despite being a staff member yourself. Life really likes to fuck anyone over, doesn’t it?

She could tell that you two haven’t been able to find the time to talk with each other. The staff picked up many projects that practically almost everyone is unavailable, and you were one of said unavailable members. The only times the livers could contact you was through Slack or by email for business inquiries. But things should be slightly slowing down, for now that is.

Although, it would be nice to have you two meet each other once at the same time, even if it’s a coincidental encounter.

Wait a minute…

A devious smirk lifts her lips, her eyes glinting with mischief in mind. She chuckles to herself as she entertains the thought. Hell, it even looks kinda creepy to the other patrons. ESPECIALLY to her coworkers who’s now staring at her with confusion and a hint of fear.

“…Elira? Are you okay?” Petra asked the dragon.

“Hm?” She blinks out of her thoughts as the penguin’s voice pulls her back into reality. Elira stares at her and Mysta, who also looks a bit dumbfounded, before grinning at them. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just thought of something.”

Blink blink. “Like what?” Mysta asked this time.

Again, she lets out a chuckle and flicks her wrist to wave off the concern. “Like I said! Don’t worry about it! Y’all will see it eventually.”

Soon enough, the waitress arrives with their orders. Elira turns to face her and helps her with the food. On the other side of the table, the two livers tilt their heads in confusion and eventually give each other an unknowing look as the table is served.

—

You lie in bed snuggled underneath your covers, but the lights are still on as you scroll through Twitter on your phone.

It’s been about a couple weeks since your call with Elira. She’s been sending you updates, videos, and pictures of the group’s adventures in Japan. Sometimes, she’d call you before going to bed to tell you what happened during the trip in case it was a story she couldn’t explain over text. Of course, there were times when another liver like Reimu and Nina would join in the call and give you the tea. As much as you wished you wanted to be there while dying in exams, you felt warm as you saw the livers enjoying themselves on their vacation.

Then, you noticed how fast the month flew by. Eventually, it was time for the livers to fly home and say goodbye for a while. They all had different flights, obviously, but there was a specific person who didn’t leave the country yet.

You were looking on Twitter while watching the members’ story time streams on a pop-up viewer. Although, you didn’t see Mysta’s waiting room or tweet indicating his return to streaming yet.

Suddenly, you remembered why.

“He wants to stay back for a bit,” Elira answered over the sound of her packing. “Dunno why, but I don’t blame him. He was in Japan for work last time.”

That he was. Though disappointing it is that you can’t hang with him for a while longer, at least he’s having fun.

“Oh, remember the thing I asked you about?”

She asked you something? When?

“What thing?” You asked.

“Uh… The souvenir thing?”

Oh shit, you forgot about that. And apparently, she noticed your forgetfulness as indicated by her laughter.

“I got you something,” Elira continued, “but I’ll send it to you when I get back.”

“Why not now? You can just ask headquarters to send it to me.”

“It’s not something in a box though.”

You blinked in confusion, unanswering.

On the other end of the line, you heard her chuckle, “You’ll see.”

Your brief conversation did, in fact, make you scared. Although it’s Elira, your local dependable dragon, sometimes she can be as unpredictable as… well… the rest of Nijisanji. Not just EN, but Nijisanji in general. Remember that one time you watched her stream where she suddenly jumped into a hole in that Forest collab? Yeah…

Now, some time has passed since the trip and she’s been home for about almost a week. It’s something not in a box, right? So what’s taking her so long? Is it digital? Or did she fuck up somewhere with the delivery?

Currently, you’ve been juggling schoolwork, personal work, and work-work. Needless to say, it’s been a stressful time, especially around this type of year. Seriously, why is everyone so goddamn busy around this time? Idle thoughts aside, you’ve also been anxiously waiting for Elira’s souvenir. For the past week, you’d constantly check your phone and your PC for any email or DM from Slack and Discord with Elira’s name attached to it. Every time you get DM’ed or emailed, it’s always been another liver or staff member whose name doesn’t start with Elira and end with Pendora.

But hey, at least you got funny memes from Luca and Mysta in the mean time!

Honestly, at this point, you might as well just give up. Maybe she did run into issues, or she just forgot.

You let out a sigh as you refreshed your feed for the umpteenth time tonight, accompanied by the ghost’s voice eminating through your speakers. Yet suddenly, a notification banner from Discord slides down onto the screen.

Elira Pendora

SURPRISE!!!!

Oh.

Huh.

So she didn’t forget??

Confused yet astonished at the same time, you pull down your notifications bar and tap on the DM to see what she sent.

As the iconic Discord logo pops up on your screen, it eventually loads your conversation with Elira. When you look past your previous chat, a message larger than it should be fills about a third of your screen.

A plane ticket to London next week. Seat number and all. And most notably, it has your name.

…

“HUH?”

You frantically tap on the textbox and type.

You

GIRL

WHAGT THE FUCK IS THIS

Elira Pendora

your souvenir! ☺️

You

WDYM SOUVENIR THATS NOT EVEN RELATED TO JAPAN??? 😭😭😭😭

also

HOW DID YUO GET MY NUMBER??? AND MY EMAIL????? :monkas:

Elira Pendora

I had to pull a few strings with staff

just normal coworker things

You

:thonk:

“normal”

Elira Pendora

but like you should go!!!

I didn’t go through all that just for you to not see him

and you really needed a break so 😎

You

??????

but hes Still in japan?????

Elira Pendora

yeah but he’s flying back home next week

I asked him earlier and had to like try to figure out how to get you to meet him at the same time

or like

around the same time 😌

You

man idk if i should thank you or yell at you

Elira Pendora

LMAO EITHER WORKS IT’S OKAY MAN

better get ready!!!

You

wait what about the hotel

Elira Pendora

what hotel? ☺️

i’m sure he wouldn’t mind letting you stay for a few days tbh

and yes I will also pay for your return trip

You

BUT YOUR LEN FUNDS……

Elira Pendora

I KNOW 😭😭😭

but it’s worth it! go get your man bitch!!

but :thonk:

I think I’ll try to pass out now since I have something scheduled tomorrow soooo

GOOD NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!

You

gn ewiwa :D

Well! Looks like you have a trip to prepare for.

—

The gray haired detective lounged comfortably in the AirBnB’s living room, resting on the sofa as he scrolled through Twitter. He let out a chuckle here and there, sometimes full on laughing whenever a funny meme popped up on his timeline.

“Meesta!” Elira called out to him from the kitchen island.

He turned around to look at the unusually giddy dragon. Confused, he asked, “What’s up?”

“When are you heading back?”

“Uh…” Pulling out his phone, he quickly went through his gallery to find a screenshot of his ticket. Once he found it, he examined the ticket for its boarding time and date then put it away. “In like a couple or so weeks. I thought I told you?”

“I don’t think you did,” she answered.

She motioned him to give her the device, or at least show her the screen. Of course, he complied. Though insane she is, he does have immense respect for her and Lazulight. Mysta stood up from his seat and approached her. Once in the kitchen area, he flipped his phone towards her, letting her singular visible eye take a peek.

Elira hummed as she inspected the ticket details then pulled back. “Cool. Thanks man!”

She walked away from the kitchen, carrying a glass of water upstairs leaving him even more confused.

It’s been three weeks since his unusual encounter with Elira. He sits idly at a bench by a luggage conveyor in the airport, waiting for his bags to unload from the plane. While waiting, he leans back into his seat and lets out an exhausted sigh. Luckily, no one is seated beside him, so he could just take up all the space on this uncomfortable bench. Still, he couldn’t help but reminisce onto their conversation.

Was she planning something? Was she just curious? What was she cooking?

Now, he’s back in the dreaded land of England, land of the beloathed. He pulls out his phone and immediately checks Discord. The EN server is lively as always, everyone’s practically home but the sense of energy radiates from the screen despite being digital. Like any other liver, he hops in the conversation a bit, sometimes memeing around with the others in the general channel.

Although, he noticed that your icon hasn’t appeared at least once since he landed. He was even paying attention to the top left corner of his screen for a red dot indicating your message. Normally, you’d send him a meme or something to see while he’s asleep or busy. But strangely enough, you haven’t yet. Maybe he should send you something? Or maybe call?

Mysta continues to catch up and reflect on the livers’ vacation in Japan on the server, his attention eventually caught by a familiar bag on the conveyor.

Welp. Looks like he’ll call you later.

—

Thank god Elira had the brain cells to make sure your flight isn’t after his own. Of course, she had to take in account about the flight times since you’re both literally across the globe from each other going to London. To avoid missing him right after landing, you were booked super early into the morning. But sometimes, there’s a possibility that you might be too early when he lands. And, unfortunately, that seems to be the case.

“He lands around midnight,” Elira told you on phone prior to checking in. “So you should be a biiiit early.”

Yeah, by like, 2 hours.

Man, what the hell are you supposed to do for two whole hours? Well, at least you have your phone AND your luggage. You could even people watch in the lobby. But that’s 2 hours!

What’s even more fucked up is that you can’t really use your phone unless you find the wifi. But airport wifi is kinda shitty, especially in England of all places. Talk about a British debuff.

You let out a heavy sigh and collapse into your seat. Napping is out of the question, even though you’re still kind of tired from the flight. Don’t wanna risk missing him by a smidgen, of course. So you ended up roaming around the airport for a while, getting yourself some drinks and snacks to keep you occupied while waiting for your friend. Luckily there were plenty of places to lounge while waiting, so you found a place to sit and enjoy your haul of snacks while waiting.

You did get to connect to the public wifi to look at some memes, but again, it’s the airport wifi. With how slow your phone’s been loading, you eventually disconnect yourself from the wifi after moments of mindless scrolling.

But then you realized something.

You have absolutely no idea what gate he’s in.

Panicked, you scramble to pick up your bags from your side and stand up. Shit, did Elira tell you what airline he took? God, having data in another country would be so helpful. There’s absolutely no way you’re gonna reconnect to the public wifi, it’s too damn slow! If you did have data, you’d look back to your DMs and scrub through your brief conversation from last night.

With a quick glance at your phone, the clock flashes briefly on the screen. 9:20pm, that means his flight’s arriving in less than an hour. Oh shit.

Immediately, you pace briskly throughout the terminals. As you scrounge through the crowds just to take a good look at the terminals, you ask staff for international flights from Japan along the way to help narrow down as much as possible. Throughout the search, you occasionally checked the clock on your phone. 9:40? Shit, his flight should be here now or soon.

“Mysta!” You suddenly shout, passerbys looking at you strangely as you start calling for his name. Your luggage rolls and bumps against the crevices of the floor, bags jostling as you promptly continue your search throughout the terminals. “Mysta Rias!”

Meanwhile, in the same area…

An ashy gray haired man stands in front of the carousel, waiting for the rest of his bags to drop onto the conveyor belt. He pulls out his phone from his pocket, taking a quick glance at his notifications and Discord. His mouth lowers into a frown, his brows furrowing in worry as he notices the lack of notifications from you. Did they really fall asleep?

Clink-clang!

Sunset kissed eyes shift towards the carousel at the sound. Spotting his luggage on the conveyor belt, he walks over to his revolving baggage and lifts them onto the ground. Maybe he’ll shoot you a dm later when he gets home. The handle on his large case clicks as he pulls it up, soon dragging it on its wheels behind him as he heads towards the direction of the exit.

You continue running and searching for him, frantically calling his name throughout the terminal. Your head turns left and right as you look into the surrounding late night crowd, your gaze briefly analyzing each arrival for any hint of his gray hair or his tallness. As you remain standing in the middle of the hall, looking for him, you see a tall man wearing small shades on the bridge of his nose. Gray side hairs framing his face sway into the air as he lugs his bags from the baggage claim and towards the nearest exit.

Without a second thought, your feet starts moving towards him. “Mysta—“ you call. “Mysta!”

After seconds and minutes of searching for him, calling his name and pushing through the crowd as you chase after him. Just a little more…!

“MYSTA!”

And finally… Finally, you see him.

With a clear shout of his name, the gray haired man halts.

Bewildered, he looks left and right until he turns around to see you panting. His heart stopped as he stares at you astonishly. The ambience of the crowd and muffled intercom speakers drowned out as he zoned onto you.

He looked at you.

The person standing just centimeters away from him.

The person who he thought was someone he’d never meet face to face ever.

The person who helped him find a reason to keep going even in the darkest of times.

It felt like hours just staring at each other. It didn’t even feel like there was an ocean of people swarming about and passing by. Without a second thought, Mysta slowly approaches you as if he were to scare you off. As if he didn’t want to wake up, if he is dreaming.

As he gets closer and closer, you didn’t make a move. No, you merely stared at him with wonder and excitement im your eyes.

You both stood across each other, only a few centimeters apart. He blinks several times, even pinching his wrists to disprove his thoughts. But he felt a stinging pain on each part.

An airy huff somewhat resembling a laugh escapes from him. Relief washes over him, and he whispers with a smile, “…Hi.”

You smile back.

“Hi.”

[weathernerdmando]

so i have a doctors appointment tomorrow with a new primary doctor and im going to get situated with them bc i need a place to get my adhd medication, but im also gonna ask if they could do at least a preliminary or whatever evaluation for elhers danlos or hypermobility spectrum disorder or something along those lines. and im hesitantly looking forward to that. bc i would really like some answers.

gonna put my reasonings behind a readmore (this is mostly for myself but also if anyone who’s offically diagnosed sees this and has thoughts on it you’re totally welcome to).

in short, something is wrong, even if it’s not ehlers danlos or hsd like i suspect right now.

Its not just bc of the joint issues that i want to look into it honestly. its the joints, yes, but its the Moderate to Severeish (i think i was borderline for surgery iirc, 40 degree curve lower back, 30 degree upper before treatment, its probably back to around close there bc i haven't been to the chiro in probably 6 months now?) scoliosis, the gi issues (fucked up hunger signals (rn, for example, i dont get them half the time even if i know i havent eaten in close to 24 hours, as well as just not feeling hungry but knowing i need to eat bc im shakey, irritated, anxious and unable to focus), constipation that feels like im getting stabbed that i just have to wait out, stretchy and soft skin, the heel lump thingies (can’t spell the offical term), i think the stretch marks, the high and crowded palate, the inability to write for longer than 2 minutes without severe cramps and pain (amongst other issues with my hands, apparently i dont just suck at using chopsticks, my fingers are straight up collapising and htey shouldn’t be. apparently.). i had a submucus cleft palate as a kid, which was surgically corrected (i dont have a uvula lol!) as well as at least one eye muscle surgery and at least one ear surgery for tubes (possibly two, i can’t remember). i still have really shitty vision (-6.5 in left, -3.5 in right, and they’re crosseyed when i take my glasses off. this is with corrective surgery and wearing a patch on my right to make my left eye stronger). as well as the back pain, the neck pain, etc.

I also have what i’d guess is a 4/5 ish to possibly a -8 out of 9 on the beighton. thumbs to wrist - check. elbows - check. i think my knees might actually hyperextend after all, but im not sure, what i do know is i dont think ive ever passed out bc my knees were locked/all the way back and ive stood in that position for a while before. If im standing with the kneecaps forwards but the feet angled, i think that’s where i can see it. The other thing is one of my pinkies is iffy (depends on the day, and i think it doesn’t quite go to 90), and the other i think is at 90 but im not sure, and that one also depends on the day. so at minimum, 4, at highest, 8 i think. 

My ribs also go under my hip on my right side if i just. Lean over. Fun to show people but that is most likely not fucking normal. My upper and lower ribs move and some of them Shouldn’t. If this gets me answers as to why sometimes it feels like something catches in my chest (one of my boobs, usually my left) and makes breathing Fucking Painful I’ll be thrilled. And my scapulas *definitely* move in a way they shouldn’t and I suspect my shoulders might actually too. As well as my ankles (what do you mean that ballerinas work to stretch like i can do normally?? also the ankle injuries and the growing-pains-that-might-not-be-growing-pains-especially-since-they’re-still-happening as a kid??) and i swear my right wrist either didn’t heal properly or something else is wrong bc a) it shouldn’t be clicking i don’t think and b) i dont think the bones are supposed to sit like they do. And also my hips. something is up with those but idk exactly what but i think you’re not supposed to be able to do what i can.

im autistic and adhd too which raise the chances Something is up bc they’re incredibly comorbid, as does having the scoliosis i think.

just hoping if they don’t know, they won’t say well nothing is wrong, but maybe “we dont know, lets refer you to someone who does” even if I can’t afford that yet.  

[m0e-ru]

eight months in somebody actually asked me abt visualive instead of me immediately annoying ppl about it without former notice. I might actually write properly for once 😳😳😳

OK OK!!!!! In this essay I will.... I will.... Visualive Adachi.... Visu/BURSTS INTO TEARS/

OKAY OKAY for real I just care Visualive so much (as someone who can’t fully understand Japanese AHAHA)

First I’ll add some foundation about what Visualive really is, then I talk abt Adachi in the latter parts of it because this is technically the first time I’m properly talking about this hehe 🐿

T....table of contents???

Visualive

Visualive the Evolution

Masami Itou

Visualive Adachi

Visualive the Evolution Adachi

Terms and Legend

VL - Visualive

VLE - Visualive the Evolution

stage - shortened for “stageplay”

面白い - omoshiroi (it’s just that specific)

Yuuya - VL Hero name

Hayato - VLE Hero name

Baba - Hero

Masami - Adachi

Taniguchi - Dojima

Saotome - Daisuke

Mamiya - Izanami

I add honorifics but sometimes I forget the hyphen intentionally or unintentionally I’m sorry if it makes it hard to read lol

all links have automatic timestamps for easy viewing. i mean. i hope the timestamps work

VISUALIVE “Persona 4.” A stage adaptation of SMT: Persona 4 by Atlus. It adapts the first part of the story, from the hero’s arrival to after recovering Mitsuo Kubo from the TV world. It also ends on a cliff hanger, showing a teaser of Shadow Naoto being projected on the screen.

It takes up a speedy recapitulation of the hero’s spring life, before slowing down and showing in depth his school life in summer. A day before Morooka-sensei’s death, there is a little skit with Kou, Daisuke and Adachi. The hero walks into the conversation before the two other boys leaving, and Morooka-sensei walking in on the student and detective. The next day follow’s the teacher’s death and the Investigation Team (IT) begin investigating their new lead.

From the words “visual” and “alive,” the niche of this stage was meant to be the fusion of live acting and visual digital projections. All seen from the stageplay with the colorful cast of actors and CG animations being projected on the screen. This offers an opportunity for characters to summon their personas, perform cool visual effects, change the backdrop, or even confront their own Shadows.

Performed in Sunshine Theater from the 15th to the 20th of March 2012. The screenplay was written and directed by Shintaro Asanuma from the theatrical group “bpm.” The video production produced by Shutaro Oku, a film director and visual planner. He later takes over as director for VISUALIVE THE EVOLUTION, the sequel stage. The stage music was produced by Shunsuke Wada, with a special show exclusive vocal track sung by Shihoko Hirata.

On this note, I haven’t seen any sort of original soundtrack released for any of the stages and I’m SO SAD. The last song in Mitsuo’s boss fight was such a BANGER and literally EVERYTHING ELSE Marvelous, Wadasan please take my MONEY

Regarding the cast, there were some special accommodations for Teddie, Rise, and Nanako, all of which did not have live actors at the time. During the casting, actors for the three characters could not be found or simply left the directors unsatisfied they couldn’t cast anybody. An exception for Rise, who was able to have a live actor in the sequel stage. It has been stated that there weren’t any “pretty boy” actors that fit the “Teddie Criteria.” While there weren’t any child actors that were believed to portray Nanako well.

Teddie was only ever seen in his bear costume while Rise was busy talking through a call, all voiced by their video game cast. Nanako has never appeared on stage, only being scarcely mentioned in the script. Again, this is different in the sequel stage where her role was extremely important and was shown as a screen projection.

VISUALIVE “Persona 4” THE EVOLUTION. A sequel stage. Beginning abruptly in the middle of Shadow Naoto’s boss fight, the story continues from there until the “true end” of the game’s original story. *Certain characters are introduced while others have been reintroduced. And on a personal note, when it’s all comedic in the beginning, it’s all for what’s coming right after.

I don’t know if I’m salty or just find it really funny AHAHA I might go talk abt it some other day with more context ehehe

Performed in The Galaxy Theater from the 3rd to the 9th of October 2012, only a few months after the PSVITA Persona 4 Golden release, which is July 2012. The screenplay was now written by Jun Kumagi while directed by Shutaro Oku. And music production finally taken over by Shoji Meguro himself.

---

HAHAHA this is starting to look like a wiki page. moving on. I might start rambling rn

(warning LONG !!!! aaa,,)

My thoughts on the stage adaptations. For the first Visualive (VL) I believe it’s pretty close to canon! I enjoy the characterization and how much love and care was present when handling the entire production.

Actors were busy playing the game itself, wherein a PS2 was present in the practice room. Along with magazines and game guides explaining the game’s story and the characters itself. Actors performing together and even improv acting together to get a grasp of their characters. All of them knowing well of Persona 4 as a well loved game, delicately handling their characters and hopefully performing them right while making the audience happy.

The staff taking care of each other while the director and video producer, Asanuma-san and Oku-san, working together well to make their vision into a reality.

The same thing happened with VL the Evolution (VLE) and literally every other good stage. Except... I feel the script kinda got out of hand with too much liberty where it feels a bit more disconnected from canon. But! It makes up for it in its content, whether comedic or (INCREDIBLY) dramatic! It’s great as its own story at that point. So in this case, I like to take the first VL and get to connect it canon, while I don’t know what the hell happened in VLE to the point I’ll just enjoy it as its own content.

These opinions deserve its own essay, post whatever bc I have SO much to say abt this. ANYWAY. VL ADACHI

---

Tohru Adachi is portrayed by Masami Itou (伊藤マサミ), a screenplay writer, director and an stage actor himself. He does have a single character voice role along with a fellow troupe member in the same franchise, but mostly works as the former three. He is part of Asanuma-san’s entertainment group “bpm.” On a similar note, Masashi Taniguchi, Dojima’s actor, was also part of their group from 2011 to 2016, which may explain their good synergy as the boss and the bumbling fool dynamic. I mean, somebody’s gotta get hit in the head every few skits.

With Masami-san being an important part of the cast, he doesn’t appear as often as Taniguchi-san in backstage content like the VL bonus disk or the official blog. Mentioned in his own personal blog, he had been busy with his roles as assistant director (I am assuming also for VL).

Also fun to note, because his role is mainly comic relief, he has been using his liberty to change up the material almost everyday making each performance exciting. This also leaves some other actors jealous of his freedom in his role, such as Saotome-san, Daisuke’s actor.

---

VL Adachi really has a... how do I say this? an adorable speech pattern (THE SAME SPEECH PATTERN THAT DROVE ME MAD TRYING TO DECIPHER I THOUGHT YOU WERE A CITY BOY OSSU OSSU MY ASS /shakes you violently/). Overall, he really fits the loose lipped bumbling fool, and his accent really makes him seem more casual and invested. What I’m saying is... VL Adachi either actually has genuine empathy or he actually has more energy to fake it (compared to some other edgelord. i mean you saw my p4ga analysis. I’m sick of him lol ahaha).

One of my favorite ways to explain this (OTHER THAN CHAIR CAR ADVENTURE MY BELOVED WE’LL GET TO THAT LATER) is the rice field scene with him and Dojima. It’s overanalyzation time 🎉

(43:04)

While investigating, Adachi whines about being tired while Dojima smacks him in the head. In this case, it’s established that Adachi doesn’t want to be there, yes? It’s the country, it’s hot and it smells like green.

"Ah... Dojima-san..! Why don't we take a break? (...) There really is nothing out here... Is the criminal still even here at all? (...) I wonder if I've passed being a rookie yet. Haha, but this city doesn't even have convenient transportation. I can't go to leisure lands (recreation, amusement parks, arcades, ect.) and head home at all."

Adachi then tries to tell Dojima a story. “when I got to this city after being newly assigned, I met an interesting guy (...) Yeah, I remember that the cherry blossoms haven't bloomed yet. So, I was driving my car and got near the station and--” Dojima gets a phone call.

Adachi politely puts his hands down waiting for his boss to finish so he can finish the story. Again and again, Adachi attempts to talk to Dojima about a story he’s so persistent trying to tell someone about. It was so 面白い that he would find someone to talk to about it. Even being polite and patient enough to wait for a chance to speak. He even gets fed up with it and blows up in front of his boss, clearly irritated he’s not given a chance to talk.

Sure, it could be Adachi feeling fed up like a normal person where someone agreed he to listen to him, before being constantly ignored. Or Adachi trying to be a more annoying whiny brat, depending on where you look at it.

If the story wasn’t too “interesting” to Adachi, he would’ve just brushed it off and stopped talking to Dojima entirely, or start up new small talk, or even complain some more. But no, he had a story he wanted to voice out so bad that he got irritated that the one person in the vicinity couldn’t listen to him.

Only after Dojima told him to continue their investigation elsewhere did Adachi finally stop and focus on something else. Maybe that story was for another day, or maybe it was never meant to be told.

What if it was just original (game) Adachi? He’d find a way to squirrel out of the investigation as usual, or push Dojima to “investigate” elsewhere. “Hey boss, don’t you think it’s hot? Why don’t we go elsewhere? We’ve seen this place too many times to count and I doubt anything new’ll turn up. How about we take a break at Junes, y’know? Where it’s cool? C’mon boss,” something like that.

og Adachi is just really annoying and silly to me. Some grown man thinking he can freeload because he never gets anything out of putting in more energy and effort? I don’t care how tall he is, I will smack him in the head.

Yeah VL Adachi whines, too, but at least it doesn’t look like he’s going to escape and waste his time somewhere else. He just sucks it up stops trying to leave the situation.

Or maybe I’m getting this all wrong and VL is exactly the same and my rage just gets dampened because of Masamisan’s execution of character hmm...

SO. What was his story about anyway? The one he really wanted to share to Dojima?

I mean... it’s obvious enough

First day in town? Spring? Actually mentioned driving a car when literally out of every single persona 4 media at the time was there not a SINGLE mention of Adachi having a car OTHER THAN the same stageplay it’s being mentioned in?

A story, from somewhere around uhh four? five months ago? was something that he remembered so dearly and was willing to share despite it obviously embarrassing him even if he puts the blame on a certain somebody in the same story?

Or maybe it’s because he really had nothing to talk about ever since he realized all his stories from the city weren’t actually that funny or interesting in the first place.

BUT then that would mean out of all the things he could talk about—more whining, complaining, complimenting, small talk—he insisted about talking about this story in particular.

Okay, look. I’m just. Just. As someone who talks too much, of course I have things I actually want people to hear out of all the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. And if the thing I actually want people to listen to doesn’t even get heard, I’d go mad.

Sure, Adachi’d be fine when his complaints or intentionally unfunny jokes get brushed off. But a story of a guy that he thought was so funny, interesting, 面白い gets ignored, he really blew up, even just for a split second, maybe.

And ALL the things that happened in that story—on his first day in Inaba! His car got dented, he had to deal with a weirdo dumbass employee that knew zero personal space, yelled in his ear, who didn’t know how to do their job, got his station reputation messed up on the first day, got his ass grabbed, got (unintentionally?) mocked for his lame stories, and got his car dented for the SECOND time. Probably MORE

And he STILL wanted to talk about it /punches through concrete wall/

yes I’m overthinking about this of course i am

This little tidbit of VL Adachi kinda makes me go insane sometimes—his entire characterization in VL in particular. It was really refreshing to see and how they included both of his characters in it, his facade and how irritated he is of a lot of things underneath. And how flexible his character is immediately working with other characters when there’s sudden improv to balance the situation. Like him and Dojima, Morooka, the attendant, or even Yuuya (hero) himself.

I’ll take Taniguchi-san’s messing around in the VL bonus backstage disc in place of Masami-san being so busy he couldn’t appear in it as often as other characters.

For stagetime that lasted for fifteen minutes or less, my appreciation for VL Adachi, even if he was just comic relief, really rocketed. I say VL, bc Adachi the edgelord he’s supposed to be in literally every other media is something I analyze separately.

I haven’t even gotten to VLE oh my GODDDDD

Like I said, I don’t really regard VLE close to canon but as something to be appreciated for what it is by itself. But the way Adachi was characterized there, in or out of character, still struck me.

---

Yes, there was his strange fan-agreed-canon which is,,, now canon obsession with cabbages (not that that’s a bad thing lmao). There was also him being a lot more jumpy and intimate in a clowny way, patting people on the shoulder or even downright hugging them just to mess around. Even FORGETTING who the same goddam loser who grabbed his ass almost a year ago is. But like, can’t blame him they literally changed their actor (and screenplay writer) AHAHAHA

ha... no more comedy, only dorky sword fights now

(speaking of sword fights I think it’s a fun thought how Mamiya-san [Izanami, also one of the youngest in the cast] admitted it was his first time doing sword fight choreography and even thanked Masami-san and other staff members for guiding him)

One thing unintentionally in character was Adachi accidentally nabbing the sushi overdosed in wasabi. Masami-san didn’t actually account for a joke sushi and didn’t immediately eat it—until Taniguchi-san (who also made Dojima go off his shits compared to VL) jokingly yelled at him and even riled up the audience for him to eat it. He even went off stage to get water just for him to eat the goddam sushi.

And Masami-san did! (kinda choked, but he’s fine).

Continuing from the same scene, while being overly giddy about sushi dinner (and I mean overly--he was singing about it while hopping to the Dojima residence), he tried to remind the two, Dojima and Hayato (hero), that Nanako was sleeping. Probably where she was sick if the scene was translated from the game.

(30:07)

And... the dramatic parts of VLE

Adachi was the one who reported to the IT that Dojima was chasing Namatame in the rain. While Naoto was discussing Namatame’s journal entries, Adachi, as giddy as he is, took it from Naoto’s hands and reveled in the discovery of evidence so childishly(?). He even ran to Dojima when he began regaining consciousness and immediately called the nurses to help him wheel Dojima to the ER.

Then, The Hospital Scene™️, right after Nanako flatlines.

(1:02:02)

Adachi, who recently walked into the scene, immediately worries about Dojima and IT who were ALL crying. He looks down, devastated—before yelling how Dojima’s heading to Namatame’s room.

He yells in terror and the same grief at his injured boss, all while running past and even jumping over children, who fell to the ground sobbing, to get to him. He continues yelling in a pained fashion while immediately reprimanding Dojima to stop. He gets carried by the collar before being tossed to the ground at Hayato’s feet, all while being pat by the same boy.

Dojima makes his speech about how unfair it is for the ‘killer’ to be alive when his daughter isn’t. When he finally falls to his knees, Adachi rises from the ground, humbly saying he’ll do his best to take care of Dojima (or something like that I’m in tears I literally can’t do VLE’s hospital scene i h8 this). He finally starts crying along with everyone else, being pushed away again but still tries again, trying to usher his boss away from the door.

With the help of the guard in front of the door, they all disappear off stage

please... I know this scene doesn’t need that much translation because of how important this scene is in the entire story. and I know my narratives aren’t enough so just,,,, just watch it please it’s so much more than this. everyone’s acting was just spectacular

(1:08:47)

So, after the IT (YOSUKE. JUST YOSUKE. good job Mae-chan) stop themselves from k wording Namatame, it was ADACHI who reported Nanako’s miracle recovery. He ran to the same corridor where they all cried in, even panting and falling to the ground in relief trying to report the good news. Then he pats Hayato on the shoulder and says he’s going to Dojima.

With this... /slaps roof of half of VLE/ ALL of this....adachi.... adachisan.... he Cares™️..... holy shit.....

now. comparing to the game. do you even remember what og Adachi did? did he.. even do anything?????

(56:39)

NO!!! he just stood there!!!! being a bumbling fool but.... inappropriately!!! man. he didn’t act concerned enough.

adachi: /walks into a bunch of kids crying outside a hospital room/ “lmao why tf are y’all crying? did uhhh what’s her face uhhh nanako. did she d word or something? rip, I guess lol” LIKE????? CAN YOU IMPLY FASTER

and then he’s like “wgat hmm Where’s Dojima-san Heading Because That’s Not The Way To His Room 🤔” and only when he’s asked he actually mentions he’s heading to Namatame’s room and still needs to get choked by a first year for the room number like..... zero consideration

and his boss??? where his daughter he loves so much just??? di*s???? and he’s so devastated he’s doing what he can that very moment while he’s so numbed of thinking of the consequences???? And adachi goes “uhh boss that’s illegal” LIKE. BITCH. /punches through a concrete wall but harder/

---

And??? His confrontation scene??? Like, I know they mashed it up w his tv confession scene to save stagetime for other scenes BUT IT WAS SO MMBMBMBMMGN /gestures in a good way/

(1:15:56)

UM?? guy behind everything??? in a vulnerable area where he could easily get physically assaulted bc hes not in the tv world w his persona?? Trash talks women like he absolute misogynist he is??? getting yelled at by a bunch of kids and YELLING BACK IN THE SAME AGITATED MANNER even TAUNTING THEM then and there to GET HIS ASS?????

og Adachi was such a pussy he got caught and just scurried off into the TV world where he ended up having powers like...ok....scared of getting beat down by a bunch of highschoolers unless you have powers...ok....

he only taunted them to get him when he was in the tv world too.....he rlly couldn’t say shit in the real world huh... lol

(yeah yeah this shows how VLE Adachi knew abt his TV world powers which would make you think if he ever went into the tv world and came back out alive. Or he’s really just a badass who doesnt give a shit abt anyone’s opinions and CAN beat anyone’s ass. i have a separate thing abt this but bc i like to laught at vle rather than overthink its own lore i might. not. idk lol)

and ??? VLE Adachi can??? He can swordfight??? he doesn’t even NEED a gun—he even reflects bullets w his blade (but apparently he can still get slapped by a flying fan more often than any other attack). His fight choreo was just...so poggers. He’s like short villains done good—like??? he’s short compared to everyone else!!! but he makes up for it for stuffing all the energy inside him while is bursts out making him him the over energetic gremlin he is!!! go VL adachi!!!!

(am I low key making fun of Madono-san in the TUUSH stageplay I’ve seen four minutes of? maybe)

OK!!! Yes I was gushing abt Masami-san again back to Adachi.

It’s portrayed that while not being afraid to admit his crimes, he also goes out of his way to be a bastard and have the gall to get a bunch of kids to fight him, one on eight. He can use a katana, probably a narrative dark reflection of the hero, Hayato which I thought was nice—and he can fight!!! It also shows his persona, yes, but...it doesn’t make it clear if he’s overwhelmed by his Shadow like in the game, where his eyes were yellow and he was emitting a dark aura.

But it gets interesting how he sees he’s getting overwhelmed and starting to lose his edge towards a bunch of kids. He falls to the ground even banging the floor like a whiny brat while literally the IT tries to tell him to turn himself in. Again, like a brat he tells everyone to shut up—before getting incapacitated. While some of the IT rejoice, he bolts up unaccepting of his defeat—before getting hit in the stomach.

(1:23:54)

And his words from when he drops his katana, “Why..?” He grabs the foldable chair against his stomach, and with a remorseful look in his eyes, he says “I’m sorry..!”

THEN HE BACKFLIPS—then Hayato slashes him.

In a tone of disbelief, he goes “no way...” and collapses to the ground, being possessed by Ame-no-Sagiri.

Blah blah blah then Teddie rockets himself into the eyeball spy cam and then they both explode aaaaa

Teddie survives but I really don’t know where Adachi went. Not even a mention by Dojima if he turned himself in or was ever found—or I need to review VLE for the 48274827482nd time hehe

WHOO then the whole cast appears for the dance number at the end of show YAHOO

[biznichwrites]

Ask: Waitwaitwait could I request cow!Giyuu going into heat and his s/o helping him through it? With lots of praise pls bc Giyuu deserves loves and he needs to know it. Also I love your writing! You’ve made me discover kinks I didn’t even know I had lmao.

“I can’t ask you for… that.” Giyuu couldn’t focus, he could really only hear the pumping of his heart in his ears as everything around him melded into an obscure concoction of sensations. “I can deal with it. I always have.”

“But-” She pouted at the doorway of his room, or what used to be his room until he had all but officially moved into hers. The room was a bit dusty until he went into nesting mode earlier that week, cleaning it meticulously before dumping her laundry in there. It had made no sense at the time until he laid in the pile of clothing. At first it was confusing until she saw him grow hard just at her scent. It wasn’t something she could even notice as a human, but he seemed to enjoy it. “But I want to help you.”

This was his first heat since they had become a couple, or at least romantically exclusive, whatever that means in their situation. Despite his body screaming at him to snatch her up he remained steadfast in his will to not let her get entangled in the mess of his cycle. She didn’t deserve that and he wasn’t even sure what he would do if he went along with his instincts anyway. 

“Giyuu, let me. I want to.” She padded further into the room, closing the door behind her. 

“What if I do something you don’t like?” His anxiety seemed to have a strong grasp on him but she didn’t pay that any mind. Rather she crawled into bed with him, ignoring her old clothing scattered on the mattress. 

“I’ll let you know and we can do something else.” His whimper was her answer, even though it was quiet enough to miss if she wasn’t listening for it. Her hands wrapped around him and tugged him into a hug. They both laid on their sides facing one another, his head tucked under her chin. 

“I haven’t had a heat with someone before…” As if it weren’t obvious he was a virgin before her with the dedication he had to his crush. Still she soothed him by running a hand through his hair and scratching the base of his ears gently. 

“I know, sweetheart. I’m here for you, though. No matter what.” With that she tilted her head to place a kiss to the crown of his hairline. “I figured something was up, anyway. You hadn’t been making barely any milk compared to normal in such a short time. I was worried.”

He was just glad to be able to hug her close and hold her without fear that he’d soak her shirt or make any other sort of mess. At the same time he was nervous how she would react to feeling his half hardened length against her thighs. Truthfully his milk had dried up temporarily to allow him energy to focus on mating - not that he’d say it out loud even if she had figured it out. Just the idea of being able to mate her properly brought so many emotions bubbling to the surface. 

“It’s okay, baby. I know you’ll treat me right. You’d never hurt me, I know you’re a sweet boy.” Her praise had him shutting his eyes, forgetting his anxieties to just focus on her in the moment. “My sweetheart. I didn’t think about you going through heat but I’ll do whatever I need to. You’re such a good boy, trying to deal with it all alone for my sake." 

His hands, once lightly placed along her back, began to twist his fingers into her shirt as his nose pressed into the skin along her collarbone and neck. 

"Did you want to mate with me, dear? You liked the idea of us having children before, I’m sure it’s stronger now.” Quietly he nodded his affirmation into her neck. “I’m sure we’ll make just the cutest babies, especially if they look anything like you. Such a cute baby and a handsome man." 

Idly his hand trailed down her spine before settling on her thigh. He pulled it up along his hip before caressing the flesh. Meanwhile his mouth opened, puffing hot breaths against her neck before sealing his lips to her nape. 

"You’re so gentle with me, Giyuu. You’re perfect.” Without prompting she leaned into his hold, pushing her hips forward and tilting her head to give him room. “I want you so much. In every way. I need you.”

He rolled over her, the blanket around him falling to his hips to expose his naked form. Behind him his tail thrashed around, thumping when it hit the bed. 

“So handsome, just for me.” He could hear the smile in her voice as her finger tips trailed over his abs before dipping lower. “You’re leaking already, baby. Are you that horny already? Or do you have so much cum it’s leaking out?" 

One hand wrapped around his cock as the other dipped below to cup his sack. Unconsciously she bit her lower lip as she pulled the skin of his cock back exposing the flushed head slicked with precum. 

"Please-” His breath caught in his throat as he tried to contain a moan that threatened to fall from his lips. With a huff he tugged at her shirt, giving her a pitiful, needy whine. “Can I?" 

"Of course, sweetheart. You can see all of me.” No sooner did the words leave her mouth he began to tug her clothing off. The force he used to strip her spoke of his desperation hidden within. His hands caught hers before they could touch him again and planted them next to her head. 

“I can’t think about anything else.” He had to admit it, but he couldn’t say directly he had been dreaming of putting his child in her, even more when his heat came. His hands trailed from her shoulders to her chest, cupping a breast in each hand. Blue eyes watched her nipples harden as his thumbs brushed over them before flickering up to her face. Slowly his head dipped down to her chest. His lips grazed over her nipples, giving each a kiss before burying his face between them. 

“You like them, baby?” It was a rhetorical question, especially as he began to lick the round of her breast before flicking the bud with his tongue. 

“I’d like them more filled with milk.” His nervous side faded away as his arousal grew and overtook his conscious mind. Rough fingers pinched her nipples before rolling them between his finger tips. He imagined her milk letting down at the action, his mind swimming with just the notion of her making milk for him. With a muffled whimper he sucked on one of the buds, latching as if he were a child while also nibbling her nipple. 

“Oh my god- Giyuu!” Her hands held the back of his head, burying in his black mane but not pulling the strands. Behind him his tail thrashed as the patterns of her breathing broke as soft moans poured from her lips. Any other time he would have taken the chance to tenderly suck on her nipples, taking his time and imagining him nursing her milk in a soft embrace - but now he was only focused on lust to mate with her, breed her until she couldn’t take more. 

“You’re doing so good, Giyuu.” Just hearing the breathy way she praised him was too much to handle. His unfocused eyes trained on her face as he lifted himself to kiss her lips. Her nipple fell from his lips with a pop, soaked with his saliva and hard from his suckling. “Baby, can I have a kiss? Please?" 

She really didn’t need to ask, especially in the state he was in. With only a nod he dipped down to press their lips together. What started off as a tender, passionate kiss became messy as they bit the others lips between the twisting of their tongues. Only subconsciously did he notice her hand was petting the lips of her pussy. The man pulled back with a quiet groan, watching as her fingers pressed down on her clit and twisted in tight circles. 

"You’re so handsome, I can’t help it.” She gasped out her praise for him between soft moans. “I wanted you to spend your heats with me for so long, dear. I want to be the one you want to mate with. Sweetheart, I love you.”

His eyes were trained on her fingers, watching how they pushed into her wet core. Wetness slid down from her entrance and he found his cock twitching at the thought of her being so wet just for him. Just hearing she loved him was the icing on the cake. She loved him so much she would submit herself to endure a heat with him. 

“Giyuu - I love you so much. You’re so perfect. So sweet, cute, kind.” A gasp cut her off as her fingertips found a sensitive spot within her. “I… I think about you breeding me. When you had your heats before - I imagined you fucking me for days. Even if I did get pregnant, you’d be such a sweet father.”

He watched her legs quake with bated breath, his hands coming in to hold her shaking limbs steady. Subconsciously he knew her legs would shut when she climaxed, but he wanted to see it. She looked as if she could tip over the edge at any moment from just talking about him mating with her. 

“Please, Giyuu. I want you to fill me up with your thick cum, I want it deep inside me. Please breed me, I need it. I love you, I love you, I love you…”

Immediately he recognized the tone of her voice, how she chanted with her body shaking and eyes beginning to roll back. Was she really going to cum just from the idea of him putting a baby in her? For all it was worth she might have a bigger breeding kink than he did, even during his heat. 

“I’ll give it to you. I’ll make sure you’re full. I’ll give you a baby. So cum. Cum for me, do it.” No sooner did the words leave his lips did he pinch her nipples again. “Cum for me and I’ll breed you just like you want.”

A squeal left her, somehow recognizable as his name as she came all over her own fingers. He took it all in - how her body convulsed with each wave of her release, the wet sounds of her core as it tightened around her fingers, how soft and tender she became as her climax rushed through her. As she went limp below him his fingers relaxed, rather massaging the roundness of her breasts as he dipped down to press a kiss to each nipple. 

“Giyuu… You’re so sweet. I love you so much.” A tired smile covered her flushed face, one that had his heart singing when combined with her affection. Too perfect, she was the one that deserved the praise. With a sigh she pulled her fingers out but he grasped her wrist before she could wipe her juices off in the layers of dirty clothes around them. His tongue lapped at her digits, curling around her fingers and pushing between before sucking them into his mouth. Only when he was done savoring her did he release her hand. 

“You taste so good.” His cheeks were flushed, chest rising and falling with every breath. Between his legs his cock throbbed as he glanced down at her leaking core. He debated with himself if he should take the time to lick her, devour her cunt and leave her shaking for him. At the same time the pulsing in his length demanded that he push inside her immediately - claim her and breed her as his own. She said she had wanted such a thing, too. Maybe he shouldn’t hold himself back after all. 

He shifted forward on his knees, edging closer before tracing the head of his cock over her dripping lips. A shiver wracked his body as the tip became soaked with her juices. Just to know she was so turned on by him - by the idea of him breeding her properly - sent him reeling. 

For what it was worth he really didn’t need to wet his length with her juices. The head of his cock was dripping precum, enough to thoroughly drench his cock. Heat meant time for breeding, not finding lube. Any moment not spent inside a mate was a moment wasted in heat. 

With that he pushed his hips forward, his eyes watching her entrance stretch around his cock. It was too perfect, being inside her normally was mind blowing - in his heat it was almost overwhelming. Still his eyes shut tightly as he remembered how to breath. 

“Giyuu!” Her breathy moan had him opening his eyes to stare down at her, a faint smile gracing his lips as her enthusiasm of being in his bed, being his to mate. He gave her a moment to adjust, even if she was soaked. Having her sore wouldn’t do either any good. 

“Dear,” Hovering over her on his elbows let him sweep her hair from her face, letting him look into her eyes. “Are you ready to be bred?" 

[slyscenarios]

ophelia 03

heartbroken too many times, your naive mind tends to fall in love too easily. after kim taehyung enters into your life, you’re smitten by the handsome man only for this romance to come to an end… or so it seems.

prologue 01 02 03 (discontinued) member: kim taehyung (ft park jimin) pairing: fuckboy!kth x reader genre: angst, smut, hurt/comfort(?) warnings: smut aka rough fucking, fingering hehe, squirting, swearing words: 6.3k a/n: wowow after this part i realized that i suck at writing smut lol. there prob won't be any more smut scenes after this bc i’m really not cut out for writing it haha. but, i hope you guys enjoy this part! (bc this part is kinda cute) i’ve been dumped with a lot of online hw from my now online classes so i haven’t been able to fully focus my attention on writing this series rip.

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Before you realize it, the first day of spring break hits. Yet, you’re found laying on your bed alone, starting a new Netflix series and bored to death.

It’s the afternoon before you hear a knock at your door, startling you to sit up properly on your bed. “Y/n, do you really plan on spending your spring break as a hermit?” Namjoon asks, swinging your door open as he leans against the door frame with his arms crossed. Giving your brother doe eyes, you nod before hearing him sigh. “Get ready, we’re heading out in 15 minutes to Jimin’s pool party, so dress accordingly.” Kicking himself off the door frame, Namjoon turns around to leave before facing his head back to you. “And pack some extra clothes, Jimin invited us for a movie night so we’ll most likely just sleep over there.” You watch your brother leave before you hop off your bed to walk over to your closet.

“A pool party, huh? I’ve never really been to one of those now that I think about it.” You mutter to yourself before searching for whatever you could identify as a swimsuit. Sighing, you sink to the floor, unable to find where you last put your swimming suit. “I guess it’s a no go for swimming today.” A bit disappointed, you remember Namjoon’s words before getting up to pack some extra clothes, preparing your things before changing into a comfortable sundress, Heading out to your living room, you meet an impatient Namjoon, who’s already in his swim trunks before you’re both leaving the house with one another.

The car ride leading up to the pool party, you’re anxiously wondering how Jimin will act around you this time. “I’ll just avoid him.” You think to yourself before finally arriving at the entrance of the familiar mansion. Hiding behind Namjoon, the door swings wide open but to your surprise, you’re greeted by Taehyung. You notice him only in his trunks, a towel slung around his neck as droplets of water are still on his body, indicating that he must have recently been in the pool. 

“Shit, is that the Taehyung?” Namjoon laughs before going in for a hug. Raising a brow at their interaction, you do your best to avoid Taehyung’s gaze. “I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Yea, I’ve actually been quite busy lately,” Taehyung replies, stepping aside for you two to walk into the structure. Unable to avoid him, you give him a slight smile before passing him, making your way inside as he stands behind you. 

“How many people are here already?” Namjoon asks from the front before looking back at Taehyung to which he shrugs.

“Too many to count, there are probably more coming later too.” Taehyung remarks before you all continue to walk along. Making your way over to the backyard, you’re caught in between the two taller men who have the need to tease you for your shorter stature. Before you can walk onto the patio, you feel a grasp at your wrist before being pulled aside and dragged into the back kitchen. “I didn’t think you’d be the type to party, love,” Taehyung smirks before letting go of you. 

“Why do you think that?” You question while folding your arms.

“Oh, I don’t know, you like to talk about literature and your nose is always stuck inside of a book.” He grins, knowing that his statement annoyed you as you rolled your eyes.

“I know how to have fun, Taehyung.” You state before eyeing a pitcher, which seemed to be full of red fruit juice. “Want a drink?” Brushing past Taehyung, you head over to the pitcher before pouring the beverage halfway full into the red solo cup. Taehyung makes his way to stand beside you before you feel his arm drape onto your shoulders. 

“Do you even know what’s in that?” He quirks a brow. Turning your attention from Taehyung to the cup, you sniff the drink before looking back to the fellow, handing him it.

“It seems like fruit punch to me.” You smile before he takes a deep breath, soon after taking a sip from the red solo cup. You then watch him easily down the drink before he hands you back the empty cup.

“Fruit punch it is.” He smirks before you happily begin to pour yourself a cup. Turning to face Taehyung, who is leaning upon the counter, you begin to drink the red beverage before realizing the sour and odd taste. Furrowing your brow at the taste, you clear your throat before setting the cup onto the counter. “Delicious, love?” You glare at him before sighing.

“You could have at least told me there’s alcohol in it!” You exclaim before he breaks out into a laugh. He was obviously toying with you to make you mad. Your frown turns into a pout as you’re slightly disappointed with how you broke your “no alcohol” rule (something you made up whenever you decided to attend parties). To your surprise, Taehyung lifts off from the counter before caging you in, both of his arms surrounding you as you’re forced to look straight at the man. He’s smug before taking the cup out of your hand, downing your drink before setting it atop the counter.

“Happy now?” He tilts his head before grinning to you. You feel him slowly closing in, and in a panic, you press a finger over his lips to stop him. You’re not sure as to why you decide to do this, but you’re found tracing his bottom lip with your thumb in silence. His eyes are alluring, gazing upon yours before you gently place your hands to both sides of his face, pulling him closer as his lips hover above yours.

“I told you Taehyung, you’re not getting to me that easily.” You smirk before turning your head to kiss his cheek instead. He exhales a laugh through his nose before you’re breaking through his barrier. Walking away, you look over your shoulder to see Taehyung astonished at your gesture. Making your way back to the patio, your heart’s beating quite a bit as you try to calm yourself down. So I guess I’ll have to avoid two boys today. Your train of thought is broken before someone bumps into you, ignoring your presence before they go on their very own way. Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you decide to ignore them as well, turning your head to the wide view of the backyard in hopes to spot someone you know among the spread of random people. You happen to spot Jimin sitting in the pool along with Aiki in his arms as they’re conversing with a few other people, seemingly enjoying each other’s company. The more you’re thinking about it, you can’t help but feel frustrated as to why Jimin had kissed you the other day, knowing that he had a girlfriend. Yet, you’re watching from afar as they’re accompanying one another, not a worry in the world.

Your frustration gets to you when Jimin quickly meets your eyes, his smile fading a bit before he turns away briefly to talk back to Aika. Huffing, you turn around, pushing through the crowd of drunkards before making your way back into the large house. Wandering aimlessly around the house, a red solo cup in your hand (one you randomly pick up from the counter in the kitchen), you begin to sway in your steps. Mainly focusing on the bass coming from the rather loud music, you take another sip of your drink before feeling a hand placed at the small of your back. “What’s a pretty lady like you doing alone at a party like this?”

His voice too familiar, you turn to face the man, your eyes widening to see who it is. Chance. You’re both taken aback as his hand drops from your lower back. Here, standing beside you, was your previous boyfriend. Clearing his throat at the awkward silence, he looks at you with a smile. “Y/n, how have you been?”

Feeling a rush of emotions, you part your lips to speak but the only word you’re able to say is his name. Sighing, he firmly grabs the side of your arm before bending down to meet your eyes. “You’re not still mad at me, are you Y/n?” He’s tilting his head, the same cunning smile he would use to win you over was emitting from his lips, disgusting you as your heart becomes heavy. He hasn’t changed one bit. Removing his hands from you, he turns away before scratching his head. You’re unable to avoid observing your previous boyfriend, noting the new tattoo designs permanently located on his arm before you’re furrowing your brows at a coverup.

“So you got it covered up, huh?” You mutter before he raises a brow, turning his attention back onto you.

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” he smiles before closing in on you, “what did you say?” Unable to control your expression, you scoff out of annoyance before downing your drink. 

“I said leave me alone.” You’re speaking a bit louder than what you’d like, turning the heads of a few before Chance rolls his eyes, taking a step away from you.

“You’re still the boring old you, Y/n.” He retorts before cocking a brow at your current state. “I’ll leave you alone, but don’t expect me to open my arms back up to you willingly.” His firm smile scares you, and with that, your ex is out of your sight. Brushing your fingers messily through your hair, the alcohol hits as you find tears rolling down your cheeks. Uncontrollably. 

Ashamed, you decide to leave the crowded room in a panic, turning the corner to see Taehyung fully dressed in sweats. You also spot him flirting with another girl, or so it seemed. He’s twirling her hair with his index finger, laughing lightheartedly with her before he glances over to you from afar. His smile drops before he stands up from the couch, ignoring said girl. Exhaling a laugh in disbelief, you wipe away at the wetness on your cheek before turning your back to Taehyung, walking away from the area to the corridor. Looking over your shoulder, you spot him following from behind, a worried look on his face before you’re opening a random door. To your luck, you’re met with a rather large bathroom and surprisingly, it's empty. Scrambling inside, you shut the door behind you before locking it. Your legs giving away, you’re brought to the floor, curling into your knees before burying your head in your arms as you let the tears fall. “I’m really pathetic.”

“Y/n, are you alright?” A voice, his voice, comes from outside the door, startling you a bit as you’re rushing to wipe away your tears.

“Go away, Taehyung.” You yell, a bit too loud now that you’re head begins to hurt. You’re unsure if its due to all the crying or the alcohol, but a migraine is slowly making its way into hurting you as well.

“Come on, Y/n,” his voice is calm and soothing despite the overbearing music playing in the background, “let’s talk, please?” Sighing, you lift your head off of your knees before weakly standing up. Placing your hand on the door handle, you pause before letting out a deep breath. Wiping any excess tears left on your face, you finally creak the door open a bit to see Taehyung standing in front of you. You’re unable to read his facial expression, but he places a hand on the door before opening his mouth to speak, “Can I come in?” Biting your bottom lip, you nod before stepping away from the door as Taehyung makes his way inside, kicking the door close before locking it. His hands are digging in his pockets as you’re exchanging silent glances at one another. 

“Look, I appreciate it if you’re worried about me but I’m doing fine.” Managing to speak up, you can’t help but still feel awkward in his presence. Cora was right, Taehyung is intimidating. 

“Fine? Then what were those tears about?” Furrowing his brows, he steps closer to you. “It’s not... because of me, is it?”

“No- it’s not because of you Taehyung.” Rubbing your arm, you look away from him for a moment. “I’m just not feeling well.” You lie. What were you supposed to tell him? That after being humiliated by your ex, you walked around to look for Taehyung for comfort but got mad after finding him with another woman? Sighing at the complicated thought, you briefly look back to the puzzled fellow before clearing your throat. “I’m going to go home now, I’ve had enough of this party.” You’re walking over to the door before his arm stops you, turning your attention back to Taehyung.

“When are you going to stop running away?” His voice grows cold, startling you a bit. Using his arm, he pulls you into his embrace. “Y/n, tell me what’s wrong.” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you can feel a rise of emotions coming as your eyes become watery. As the migraine finally gets to you, you rest your forehead on his shoulder before wrapping your arms around his frame.

“I’m just tired.” You lie once again. Coward. Feeling his chest rise, he exhales deeply before rubbing your back. Staying in the position for a while, you jump at the loud knock at the door. Looking up, your eyes meet with Taehyung’s before you’re snapping your head at the sound of the knock once more. He pulls away from you, forcing your arms to be removed from him as he goes to open the door. Frowning a bit, you watch as Taehyung converses with another man who’s going on about needing to pee. Signaled by Taehyung, you rush over to him and out into the hall before watching the strange man hurriedly rush into the bathroom. Feeling a hand in yours, you look up to Taehyung who is occupied talking to another man before wincing at the pain in your head. Pursing your lips when his attention is back on you, he smiles warmly.

“Want me to send you home?” His question is assuring to which you nod in response. He leads you through the large house, easily making his way through the entrance and out into the street. It’s dark out, already nightfall, but Taehyung’s presence eases you along with the bright lamp posts lined up along the street. You’re found sitting in the passenger seat of his sleek car, looking out the window before you decide to push down on the button, opening the window slightly. Feeling the cool breeze hit your face, the migraine fades away along with a lot of other negative thoughts on your mind before you turn your head to face Taehyung. He’s focused on driving, giving you enough time to focus your weary eyes on him before he glances over to you, his lips curving into a small smile.

“Taehyung?” You slur before he hums in response. Gulping, you notice his hand resting on the gear stick. On impulse, you snake your hand to his, lifting it off from the gearstick as he allows it. Tracing your fingers over the lines that the veins in his hand made, you intertwine your fingers with his. “Thank you.” You whisper.

“What was that, love?” Unable to hear you due to the open window, Taehyung glances over from his seat to see that you had fallen asleep, a soft smile on your face as your hand stays in his.

Woken up by a soft voice, you’re confused as to where you’re currently at. Your head beginning to spin, you look over to the open door of the car as Taehyung is bent beside you. “Y/n? I’ve brought you home.” Rubbing your eyes, you’re conscious enough to step out of the car, still weak as you stumble before Taehyung catches you. “You live with Namjoon right?” He questions but you’re too focused on your headache. You instinctively walk towards the house before reaching the door, realizing you forgot your keys in your bag, which happened to be in Namjoon’s car. Luckily, due to your clumsy brother, you remember the spare key you had hidden in the pot hanging from above the porch, doing your best to reach for it. Taehyung, amused at your state from behind, decides to help you as he easily reaches for the key above, handing it to you with a smug look on his face. 

“Thanks.” You frown before inserting the key into the hole, turning it to swing the door open. “Home, sweet home.” You yell, taking a step into the house before hearing Taehyung loudly clear his throat.

“Forgetting something?”

Pursing your lips, you turn around to face Taehyung as he’s smiling at you. “Thanks, Taehyung... for everything tonight.” Chuckling softly, he lifts his hand to your face, tucking away the loose hairs behind your ear before licking his lips.

“Goodnight, love.” Making the statement, something about it struck you. Did you really want him to leave? He turns his back to you briefly before walking down the steps, making his way back to the car as you do to your home. Nearly closing the door, you stop before acting on the spur of the moment. 

“Wait-” You shout out before exiting the house, running down the steps and towards him as he falters from entering his car. Turning back to face you, he watches you catch your breath.

“What is it, love?” Raising a brow at your gesture, he leans against his car before you’re stepping a bit closer to him.

“Taehyung, I-” you pause before observing his facial expression, “I just wanted to say goodnight as well.” You blurt aloud, unable to truly speak your mind. Stupid. He’s standing in front of you, a sly smile rising from his lips before you tilt your head in confusion. “What’s with the smile?”

“I just thought that you would, I don’t know, confess to me?” He grins, his arms wrapping around your waist as he pulls you closer to him. Your arms subconsciously wrap around his neck before your face leans closer to his.

“What if I told you I was thinking about it?” Pursing your lips, he scrunches his nose before chuckling. 

“Say it then.” His eyes don’t break away from yours, causing your ears to heat up at the moment.

“I like you.” You speak meekly as he tilts his head, quirking a brow.

“What did you say, love? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said I like you, okay?” You raise your voice before watching his lips turn into a smile. And in an instant, he’s pressing his lips gently against yours. His kissing is different and to your surprise, gentle. Brushing your fingers through his hair, you pull away to breathe as he pecks your lips repeatedly, making you giggle. Lifting you off the ground, Taehyung carries you as you’re holding onto him tightly. He brings you back to the house, letting you down once you’re both inside as you’re holding his hand and guiding him to your room. Turning on your heel, you face the man before he crashes his lips to yours. Shuffling around the room in each other's arms, he pushes you gently onto your bed.

“Strip.” He orders, to which you follow. Removing your loose sundress, it falls to the floor as you’re exposed in your underwear. While kissing you, his free hand wraps around to unclip your bra from behind as he removes it with the other to reveal your breast. Wrapping your legs around his frame, you lay onto the mattress as he’s kissing at your neck. Biting your bottom lip to resist your urge to moan, he glances back up to you before kneading your breast. 

“Taehyung.” His name escapes your lips as he’s pulling down your panties, his slender fingers gliding over your wet slit before he pushes his thumb against your clit. Wincing at the touch, you arch your back as he begins to stimulate your clit.

“There you go, love.” He purrs into your ear, nibbling it as your breath grows heavy when you soon feel his tongue playing with your clit. Moaning aloud at his notion, you inhale sharply when he’s inserting his tongue in and out of you, your fingers combing through his hair while he picks up his speed. “Cum for me.” He whispers as you orgasm, clenching your thighs together before you’re bringing his head up to yours to kiss his lips. "You came so quickly, love.” He grins before getting off the bed to remove his sweats. You're eyeing the bulge in his grey sweats before your eyes widen as he pulls out his member. “Turn over.” Complying, you roll onto your stomach before flinching at his cold touch. “Ass up, love.” Gulping, you raise your hips timidly before he’s forcingly helping you by lifting your butt up. Awaiting his dick, you turn around to see him pull out a condom from the wallet he tosses to the ground, ripping off a bit of the wrapper before he puts on the thin condom. Feeling the tip of his cock rubbing at your slit, you whimper when he only inserts the tip.

“Don’t tease me, Taehyung.” You whimper before he presses his body on top of yours.

“Then what do you want, love?” He whispers in your ear. 

“I want you to fuck me.”

“What did you say?” He smirks against your neck, nibbling it as you’re licking the corner of your lip.

“Fuck me, Taehyung.” You firmly state to which Taehyung pulls away from your body. His hands gripping to the sides of your hips, he fully inserts into you, making you gasp at his length. Grunting, he’s slowly grinding his hips into you before speeding up. Moaning aloud, you dig your face into the sheets as he begins to pound into you. 

“Shit-” He groans before bucking his hips with every thrust, “you’re so tight, Y/n.” His panting echoes throughout your lone room. 

“Harder.” You moan aloud before he picks up his speed from behind. Hearing his low grunts, you realize you’re about to reach your high before he’s resting his body atop yours, his hands reaching around to play with your breast as he thrusts harder.

“Fuck, Y/n.” He groans as you’re breathing rather harshly. Digging his face into the back of your bare skin, he thrusts his hips into you before you both climax one after another. Feeling his release inside of you, you lose the strength in your body as you lay flat when Taehyung pulls out of you. Throwing away the condom, Taehyung picks you up before properly laying you down in the bed as he pulls the covers over the both of you. Spooning, you’re in Taehyung’s arms before your eyes are lost in his.

“That was amazing.” You whisper before hearing him chuckle lightly. 

“I told you I was good in bed but I remember a certain somebody telling me to basically fuck off.” He states as you roll your eyes, remembering your first encounter with Taehyung.

“Okay, I take my words back.” You slur before he’s running his fingers through your hair. Pressing his lips to your forehead, you’re both laying in silence before falling asleep as the night passes by.

The next day, you wake up due to the reoccurring pain in your head. Rolling around in your bed, you pull up the covers before realizing you’re nude and very much alone. “Taehyung?” Calling out his name, you get no response before you’re feeling anxious. Your eyes barely open, blinded by the strong sunlight coming from behind the blinds, you crawl out of bed before getting up to leave your room. Grabbing your towel on the way out, you leave to walk to the bathroom before feeling the urge to throw up. Rushing to the toilet, you’re cursing to yourself before the toxic liquid is out of your body and into the toilet bowl. Dryly coughing, you wipe away at your mouth before flushing at the toilet and proceeding to take a shower. Taehyung really left? You ponder his disappearance under the steaming hot water, unable to clearly remember the previous night. Making your way to your room right after, you hear the doorbell ring in which you’re wondering who it is. In a rush, you pull out an oversized t-shirt and shorts from your laundry basket of unfolded clothes before wrapping your hair up with a towel. “I’m coming” you groan repeatedly as the doorbell continues to ring annoyingly throughout your home. Swinging the door open, you’re greeted with the familiar boxy smile as he holds up a brown paper bag.

“Good morning, love.” He grins cheekily.

“Taehyung, where’d you go?” You ask, furrowing your brows to which he takes a step into your home, brushing his way past you.

“I went and got breakfast.” You close the door before catching up to Taehyung as he invades your home, making his way into the kitchen before placing the large bag onto the counter. “I bet you’re very hungover, love.” Standing beside him, you anticipate his actions as you’re actually intrigued at the pleasant aroma coming from the bag he’s holding. Frowning at his halt, you look up to Taehyung to see him chuckling.

“Why’d you stop? I’m hungry.” You state before he leans closer to you.

“I just want to make sure I’m not dreaming right now.” He smirks before planting his lips onto yours. Flustered, you freeze in your spot before he pulls away. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you nudge him before yelling at him to continue on what he was previously doing. “Do you have any bowls, love?” Nodding, you walk around Taehyung before opening up a cupboard, taking out two bowls and handing it to him. He splits the brothy content into both bowls before you’re scrunching your nose.

“Pho?” 

“Yea, it’s the best for hangovers,” he nods before handing you your bowl, the visible steam rising from the dish, “trust me, love.” He winks, making you blush and turn away to look for utensils. You’re eating your “breakfast” in silence as you’re both stealing glances at one another. Finished, you place the two bowls into the sink before proceeding to clean them. 

“Love?” Feeling his breath upon the back of your neck, chills are sent down your spine as he hugs you from behind. Occupied with the dishes, you hum in response, doing your best to not melt in his hold. “Did you really mean it when you said you liked me?”

“I- I don’t know.” You clear your throat before feeling his chin dig into the crook of your neck. 

“I like you, Y/n.” Biting your inner cheek at his words, you turn off the faucet before fully turning around to face him. Leaning your back against the sink, Taehyung wraps his arms around your waist.

“Do you really mean that?” You raise a brow as he presses his forehead to yours, nodding.

“Of course I mean it, love.” He whispers before meeting his lips to yours. You bring your hands up to cup his face, tilting your head as he’s passionately kissing you. Swiping his tongue against your lips, you part them, giving him entrance to interact with your tongue. Squeezing your thighs together, you’re startled when the towel, that was previously wrapped around your hair, falls to the ground. Pulling away, breathing rather harshly, you feel Taehyung���s hands reach around to grope your butt. Yelping from the sudden touch, you frown before lightly hitting his chest to which he laughs. He goes in for another kiss, one you’re anticipating, but he stops after hearing the sound of keys jingling. 

“Shit, Joon’s back.” You grumble before breaking out of Taehyung’s hold to walk out of the kitchen. Entering the living room, you spot your exhausted brother being supported by his good friend, Jimin. 

“Y/n, I’m glad you’re feeling better!” He smiles before helping Namjoon into your home. “Your brother told me how you had to leave early yesterday because you weren’t feeling well. Did something-” Jimin pauses, eyeing the movement behind you, “happen?”

Turning around, you notice Taehyung standing directly behind you before you turn back to face Jimin. “I just wasn’t feeling the best, thank you for your concern though Jimin.” Smiling, your eyes are soon on your brother as he breaks free from Jimin’s grasp before he’s plopping onto the large sofa. 

“Y/n? Can you be a dear and please get me something to soothe my alcohol poisoning?” Namjoon groans aloud, his hands on his head before you’re rolling your eyes at him.

“Thank you, Jimin, for looking out for my overdramatic brother.” You laugh before heading over to the cabinet in your kitchen, Taehyung following close behind. Reaching into the upper shelf, you pull out a bottle of Advil before popping two pills into your palm. Turning around, you bump into Taehyung before looking up to see his pout. 

“You didn’t tell me you were close to Jimin?” He whispers. Quirking a brow, you walk around him to grab the clean cup on the dish rack before filling it with water. 

“We’re not that close,” you scrunch your nose before satisfied with the amount of water filled within the cup, turning to face Taehyung, “Jealous?” You smirk before Taehyung frowns, looking away to avoid your eyes. Chuckling, you walk back to the living room before handing your brother the cup of water and Advil. Turning back to face Jimin at the doorway, you give him a reassuring smile.

“Well, I leave Namjoon in your care, Y/n.” He grins before you make your way over to him. “He might be dead for this whole day though, last night was wild.” Jimin winks before opening his arms. Noticing his anticipated face, you can’t help but laugh lightly before going in for a hug. “Don’t let Taehyung fool you, Y/n.” Surprised when he whispers quietly in your ear, he pulls away before his hand is on the handle of the door, his foot already out of the door.

“I’ll see you later, Y/n.” He smiles before looking past you. “Taehyung.” He nods to the man standing behind you. Confused at their interaction, Jimin smiles back at you before he’s leaving your house. Once he leaves, you spin around to eye Taehyung. 

“What was that about?” You tilt your head in confusion, arms crossed. Giving you a soft smile, he pats your head before pecking your lips.

“I have to go, love.” He walks past you and in an instant, he’s out of your house and in his car. Still confused, you watch him leave your driveway before closing the front door, turning around to the unpleasing sight of your brother. 

“Joon, just how much did you drink last night?” You sigh before walking up to him, grabbing the blanket kept in your living room to cover half of your brother’s long body. Laughing, you can’t help but capture the moment with your phone before you’re off to clean up whatever mess was made in your bedroom last night. 

 ...

“Taehyung, for the last time, if you’re going to be here, I need peace and quiet please.” You raise your voice to the unbothered fellow sprawled across your bed. It was the last day of spring break and you had just realized you forgot about the reading test you were to take the next day when you return back to school. So, you’re found at your desk while Taehyung had decided to come over to your house and bother you. 

“Say, can’t we do something fun for the last day of spring break love?” Taehyung asks, not looking away from the game on his phone. Sighing, you glance over to the lazed man on your bed before focusing back on your book.

“No, I have to finish reading Hamlet otherwise I’m screwed for my literature test tomorrow.”

“But, can’t you just Sparknotes the book? It’s faster and easier.” Taehyung remarks, annoying you as you set your book down to fully face the man.

“I can not just Sparknotes Hamlet, Tae.” You huff before he sits up from the bed. “You have to read the whole book in its text in order to understand and grasp the concepts, love.” Turning back to your book, you hear him chuckle before the bed squeaks, indicating Taehyung’s up on his feet and now standing behind you.

“At least read a bit out loud for me then,”  Taehyung whispers in your ear from behind. Gulping, you ignore his request before feeling his breath tickle your skin. “Please, love?” Turning your head to see his puppy eyes, you sigh before looking back at your book.

“Larded all with sweet flowers, Which bewept to the ground did not go with true-love showers.” You read aloud, lifting your book up for Taehyung’s eyes to see.

“How do you do, pretty lady?” Taehyung cuts you off with the next line. Unable to hide your smile, you continue. 

“Well, God'ield you! They say the owl was a baker’s daughter. Lord, we know what we are, but know not what we may be. God be at your table.” You speak before feeling Taehyung nibble at your ear. “Your turn, Tae.” You whisper as he groans, moving away from your ear to speak.

“Conceit upon her father.” Taehyung quickly says before continuing his previous action. Rolling your eyes, you focus back on the text, doing your best to avoid his neediness as his arms hug you from behind.

“Pray you, let’s have no words of this, but when they ask you what it means, say you this.” You finish your sentence but you notice his hand snake to your inner thigh, groping it as you’re biting at your bottom lip.

“Keep reading, love.” He whispers in your ear. Nodding, you clear your throat before continuing your words.

“Tomorrow is Saint Valentine’s day, all in the morning betime. And I a maid at your window, to be your Valentine.” You read aloud before he lifts the band of your shorts, inserting his hand into your pants as his fingers find your clothed clit. Wincing at his pinch, you bite your bottom lip before continuing, “Then up he rose, and donned his clothes, and dupped the chamber door-” Closing your eyes when he’s rubbing circles around your clit, you throw your head back into his chest as he places kisses on your jaw. Your breath grows heavy when he picks up his speed.

“What are you doing, love? I didn’t say you could stop reading.” He says coldly to which you purse your lips. Opening your eyes, you turn to face Taehyung as he’s smug. Frowning, you turn back to the book in your shaky hands before parting your lips to speak.

“Let in the maid that out a maid, never departed more-” Gasping when you feel Taehyung insert a finger into you, you’re gripping the book tightly. He’s placing wet kisses on your neck and sucking away while you throw your head back. “Taehyung.” You moan aloud before feeling him dig his finger deeper into you, hitting your G-spot. Covering your mouth with your other hand, in hopes of covering your loud moans from Namjoon to hear, you subconsciously spread your legs wider as he’s pushing his finger in and out of you.

“Cum for me, baby,” Taehyung speaks in a low tone, speeding up as you reach your climax, squirting through your shorts as he chuckles. “Looks like we have a squirter here.” Your hand falls from your mouth as your now weak, panting rather harshly as he pulls out his fingers from inside of you. Using his other hand, he grabs your chin, turning your head to face him as he kisses your lips. Removing his hand from your chin, Taehyung lifts the book up before clearing his throat loudly.

“Pretty Ophelia.” He grins to which you’re frowning, finally noticing the mess you made. Taking the book out of his hands, you set it aside before standing up weakly from your chair.

“Great, now I have to clean this all up.” You turn back to Taehyung, pouting as he squishes your cheeks together.

“Hey, at least now we know you’re a squirter love.” He smirks before gently pressing his lips to yours. Your ears heat up before you’re removing his hand from your face.

“I’m going to the bathroom.” You blurt before rushing out of your room and into the hall. While hiding in the bathroom, you notice your soaked underwear and shorts, sighing before you grab a dry towel from the small closet. Making it back to your room, you’re furrowing your brow when you see Taehyung back on your bed, playing the same annoying game he was before as if nothing had happened. With his back to you, you use the chance to change out of your soaked clothes and into fresh sweats before cleaning up the wet mess with the dry towel. Amidst your hard work, you hear a slight snore come from the direction of your bed, snapping your head to it when it becomes louder. Chuckling lightly, you walk over to Taehyung once you’re finished cleaning up. 

“Looks like we have a snorer here.” You retort quietly before exhaling a laugh through your nose. Bending forward, you kiss his cheek before pulling your bed sheets over him. “Now, back to my assignment.” You sigh quietly, hoping not to wake up Taehyung before taking a seat at your desk. Taking out your Hamlet book, you take a deep breath before continuing off from where you had previously left off.

[d-l-landcaslil]

My opinion on why is Endeavor’s redemption arc valid

I’ve been thinking about writing something like this for a while, but somehow I never did. But now I’m just going to ramble to cope with the anxiety the latest chapter gave me hhhh

So a lot of Endeavor stans get the question, why don’t we hate him, and I think this is a valid question (as long as you don’t attack us immediately and assume that we support all the wrong thing he’s done!). And I’m not here to convince anyone to like Endeavor. You can hate him, he deserved it. Just please don’t wish for his death in the current arc of the manga because if that happens everyone is fucked you don’t want that and also it hurts This for those who actually ask this question because they’re interested in the answer.

So here’s the thing. First of all I think he’s an amazing hero. Let’s not forget that he has the most solved cases ever, which means even more than All Might! He saved thousands of people. And his skills are just hella amazing, he is competent in almost all types of combat, and while AM gains his physical strength from his quirk, Enji’s quirk itself doesn’t provide it, it probably took him a lot of heavy training to get there. Sidenote for this he is hot af and can step on me any day and I’ll thank him.   Of course his heroic actions are no excuse for the abuse he did, but in my opinion the abuse he did does not diminish his merits as hero either. I admit this is arguable, but these are my views even on irl people of similar kind. 

So yes, I admit, as a person, he is extremely problematic, he abused his family, and it’s not something to be overlooked. But also his character is amazingly written. I think his backstory is one of those elements in the story, that tries to bring attention to the problems with the hero society. And boi, there’s a lot to unpack there. Firstly, what he represents is sadly common in real life too: that people (especially men) serving at the police, in the army, etc are abusing their power this way and getting away with it because of their rank. But not only this. This leads to even more complex problems within the entire hero community. And this is the rivalry between heroes and the toxic masculinity in the hero community. Now I’m not the one to quickly agree with Stain, because I’m fed up with the cliché of heroes having to be fully selfless (it’s their job and they need to eat and pay rent bruh) and that the whole system is corrupt BUT the fact that the hero ranking exists and forces the heroes to compete with each other is so wrong on so many levels. And of course there are certain heroes who can actually let this go and only focus on the job itself (e.g. Hawks), but there is a lot of pressure on everyone and not all of them can escape it. Don’t tell me it’s normal that Kiri had an inferiority complex for years bc he was too scared to attack a villain three times his size in 4th grade of middle school

And I think a lot depends on the family background. Notice, how the students/heroes who are not coming from a hero family or a family that expected the to become heroes (Deku, Uraraka, etc.) are way more chill about the whole thing, because they parents are proud of them af whatever little heroic thing they do. When it comes to Enji, we don’t know anything about his parents/family background but I have a really strong feeling that he was pressured into the marriage with Rei and into always being the best. Here’s why. We know that Fuyumi is 23 and there’s ~three years between the kids (bc that’s when the quirks appear) so Toya is probably 26. Enji is 46, so he was 20 when they had Toya. So he got married even before he became 20. Now don’t tell me a 19-20 yo young man, who has just graduated from UA (probably with flying colors) and already aims to be nr1 would decide to get married and have kids - even if he’s madly in love, nevermind out of convenience. (And even if he was in love with Rei /but he wasn’t/ and wanted to marry her, any descent parents would have stopped him.) Yes, he probably agreed, because he felt like that preserving and passing down his quirk is important, and that he himself is not enough to be the best and he needs a descendant who can do the job for the family reputation if he fails. Of course it’s all just assumption but DON’T TELL ME THAT THIS ALL WOULD HAVE HAPPENED if he just had A SUPPORTIVE FAMILY TO TELL HIM THAT HE IS A GREAT HERO AS HE IS AND HE DOESN’T NEED TO COMPARE HIMSELF TO OTHERS. NO, THEY DIDN’T TELL HIM THAT. Instead they used their money and power to arrange a quirk-marriage and set him up to be a husband and father while still struggling to become nr1. Now add this to Enji’s inherently grumpy, quick, aggressive temper, take away from him the chance to properly socialize with ppl of his age - and you get the textbook abusive man who brought the bad patterns from the family, added his own frustration and took it all out on his family he never really wanted. He might be an inherently bad tempered person. But no-one is born the way he is now. He could have unlearned a lot of it if the expectations of the hero society hadn’t fucked him up at a young age.

But he did what he did and there’s no excuse for that so let’s see why his redemption is still valid in my opinion. Also it’s more explicit manga spoilers from here (basically he talks about his future plans for his fam in the manga and I’m going to talk about it in detail). 

So what many abusers would probably do is to start acting kindly and try to win back their partner/family by promising to change again and again. But Endeavor doesn’t do that. Not only is he willing to stay away from them, but it’s him who stays in their old house and he’s planning to build a whole new house where the kids and Rei, who he wants to get out of the hospital he put her into (!) can live. without him. I had someone who told me they think he wants to be reunited later and he just gives them time but there’s no proof of this and it’s still not that bad. So yes, he admits that him staying away from them is the solution AND he uses his money and power to fix the situation as much as he can. Of course there are a lot of things he can never fix and my stomach still clutches when I watch his past in se2 but HE HAS LEARNED THE LESSON, HE ADMITTED HE FUCKED UP AND HE’S WORKING TO FIX IT AS MUCH AS HE CAN. And I can’t help to cheer for him to able to do that, because that’s the only outcome that’s good for everyone. 

Besides that, the scene where he tells Shoto he will do everything to make him proud and be the hero he can look up to always makes me cry  shows how he admits his mistakes too. He takes the things he said to Shoto, the expectations he raised towards him and admits that he himself haven’t fulfilled those expectations, so he needs to do that in order for Shoto to accept him. So he basically reversed the roles, he reversed the order of power, and he applies what he abused Shoto with to himself, but this time in a non-toxic way. Also, in the Endeavor agency arc we already see how he has a different attitude towards Shoto as his student. One more thing: you can see in that scene and also several times in the manga how he feels like shit when the kids are ignoring or confronting him. And even I think he deserves all of it, BUT this again proves THAT HE. HAS. LEARNED. HIS. LESSON. Yes, he was extremely abusive. No, it cannot be forgiven. But he basically admitted that he was one, got out of the life of those who were affected, tries to change and supports them from the distance. That’s the best he can still to in this fucked up situation. 

And as I witnessed his journey so far, I couldn’t help to start liking him. I cheer for him, I hope he can really change, I’m always excited to see him in action, and I’m really worried about him in the current situation. I think there’s way more potential in him than it was shown in the beginning. I hated him first too. But somehow he became my favorite pro hero and one of my favorite characters overall. 

This is the answer. If you read all this rambling you deserve a medal. 

A closing thought: I think it’s understandable that everyone reacts to Endeavor differently. He is the type of character who divides even the canon characters nevermind the fandom. It’s really interesting to see how all his kids react to him differently, and how they basically represent types of the ppl’s attitudes in the fandom. I realized I’m the Fuyumi type. But of course all are valid. But Dabi types please please let us mourn in peace if the thing happens QwQ 

[riskeith]

HIIII hope you have been well my dearest last airbender hehe. i have so much exciting things to share <333

so first off, i did two wish rolls the other night and guess what? on one roll i got BOTH bennett AND qiqi!!!!!! (the other one was just weapons but 🤷🏽‍♀️) i love them both so much i literally ascended them the second i got them. i still can’t believe my luck. so now my team looks like: traveller, noelle and those two. i’m having a little issue bc i don’t have a long range combat character but i love them all too much to change anything. which means i struggle sometimes maybe if i roll for someone else in the future i might change but rn i’m LOVING them. have you ever had luck like that?

AND i started watching haikyuu again and i forgot how funny it is. i usually don’t laugh out loud while watching things but i was literally chuckling while watching some moments. i’ve only watched 10 eps-ish but i fell in love with it again at the first ep already. i cant believe i dropped it before i’m so stupid.

ok that’s all the updates i had hahaha ! i was like buzzing waiting to tell you lmaidhdhdbd 🥺

oikawa is SO pretty it’s insane. when he showed up i was like yeah.... that’s him. that’s the pretty boy. but then again pretty much everyone is pretty in haikyuu who the hell are we supposed to focus on hehdhd the art style is just that good yk?

ships that have silent (+ points for angry) yearning are just superior. and usually they fall in the enemies/rivals category which is lovely. nothing is finer than watching people struggle with their feelings like mmmmmm... tasty. also as good as rareships can be, popular ships are popular for a reason yk? like canon content isn’t everything ofc but if canon can back it up in some way more people tend to be interested heh

wanna know something super weird? when i consume content i always fall for the stotic bois with angst backstories first but after i finish the shows i always miss the cute happy babies and that makes me obsessed with them? idk it’s crazy like voltron for example keith is literally my favorite character of all time but when i finished voltron i was literally bawling bc i missed lance so much help

well i guess we’re talking about voltron now HAHA 😭 dude s3 was a fucking blessing i can’t believe we got that and they just cut it off cold. the leader and his right hand man dynamic makes me yell to this day 😭😭😭 remember all the scenes where they continuesly reassured each other 😭 the ‘leave the math to pudge’ scene lives in my head rent free no joke dhdnhdbdud... s3 was just them loving each other tenderly and dw stole it from us.. ALSO PLEASE WRITE THEM AGAIN LITERALLY BEGGING 😭 pls 🥺

dude our government doesn’t give a shit we literally have politics traveling around and chilling without masks. they don’t care at all we barely have any restrictions so people don’t care either. it’s a mess here ngl.. :/

can’t wait to hear from u again... mwah!

hi hi!!!! is this gonna end up being 2 replies in one day for you again HAHAHA i’ll try not to disappear after

!!!!!!!!!! QIQI AND BENNETT??!!?!!!!!!!! oh my goodness… oh my goodness!!! i can’t believe you got a 5 star before me fjskskkdd but big deserve 😭😭😭😩😩😩 i’m so happy for you nejdnskamxlxmm holy shit!!!!! that’s so cute tho that’s such a cute team… and big mood!! who cares about team dynamics/fighting styles all that matters is that you like them 😩 but also does that mean you currently have 3 sword users and 1 claymore on your team jdjsndnsm. i also used to not have a ranged fighter on my team but it just got so inconvenient lolol. and no my luck is actual ass :( so often i only roll weapons, and when i do roll charas it’s like. all the base free ones djdkskdk

haikyuu is SO funny!!! everyone’s humour is so >>>> omg they’re just silly boys… are you restarting it from the very first ep? and it’s all good if you dropped it before bc you’re coming back to it now and that’s what matters 😩 keep me updated tho! i’m so excited to hear what you think

HFJDNSKSN sorry i went mia and made you wait chksjs WHICH REMINDS ME!! omg i’ve been meaning to tell you and keep forgetting but i downloaded genshin on my phone last week for my trip and it’s so??? difficult? like mad mad respect to you for being able to play on mobile omg… maybe it’s just bc i was used to pc already but damn.. djsjjs

HAHA yeah just admiring the visuals instead of focusing on the story.. we’ve all been there 😩 sometimes you just gotta rewind and take 48394993 screenshots of the one scene you know? who let them be so gorgeous..

yesssss the mutual oblivious pining is so good.. like they’re enemies to lovers but they’re also IDIOTS to lovers… or my fave headcanon which hurts so bad… the one person (keith) pining for their rival (lance) but it’s unrequited and they’ve just accepted that and are kinda resigned to it but. they just want them to be happy above all else :’) :’(

and honestly you are so right like if the popular ship are foils and have all these parallels between them and a deep backstory and stuff that’s so good too there’s so much food AHAH

omg that’s kinda cute tho.. like once you’re done you enter the honeymoon phase w bubbly outgoing charas.. (speaking of honeymoons when’s ours 🤪) speaking of lance he deserved everything lmao.. he deserves everything PRESENT TENSE!!! wow we are really talking about vld in 2021 huh

LEAVE THE MATH TO PIDGE!!! I AM SCREAMING JUST THIBKING ABLIT THIS TOO!! WHAT THE FUCK DOCYOUCMEAN KEITH. WHY DIDNYOUCSAY IT WITH THAT SMILE. LANCE WHY DIDNYOU SMILE LIKE THAT IN RETURN. LEAVE THE MATH TO- KEITH EXPLAIN??? WHA WERE YOU WDOIDJGNDKDNSKFKDKFNDNNCMS the way that lance went from ‘despising’ keith and hating being beaten by him in everything to SEEKING OUT HIS ADVICE AND COMFORT???? IF THAT ISNT GROWTH AND DEVELOPMENT I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IS like their relationship progressed so so so so so so so so SO much in that one single season… like. i cannot BELIEVE that was real???? no fucking way. like. we were literally so close.. SO FUCKING CLOSE!!!!!!!! my god the trust they had in each other..… LANCE SEEKING KEITH OUT!!! lance accepting keith as the leader before even keith accepted himself EVEN WHEN LANCE HIMSELF SO DESPARATELY WANTED TO BE THE BLACK PALADIN bUT RECOGNISING IT WASNT WHAT THE BLACK LION WANTED AND i have to stop or else i’ll literally never stop typing chskdkdkndcuksncjxjskcoskosnaksj

hhhhhhh i wanna write them sometimes i get hit with the feels SO SO BAD (like just then? LOL) but i haven’t properly written them in so long i feel like i don’t even know how to anymore D; but anyway do you have any prompts? i have so many wips (i have one fic that i said was gonna be my Final klance fic but lmao i’m never gonna finish it at this stage so i guess i’m also not done writing klance? lmao) but after a while i just. have no desire to go back to them anymore fjdjjx so something new might spark my motivation! but also no promises sorry i always say i’ll do shit but never do JEKSKS altho i will try!! i’ll try bust out at least a drabble even if it ends up as an unfinished wip as well lol 😩

oh fucking rip that’s so horrible i’m so sorry you have to deal with that :((( legit it’s so upsetting to see so many governments just. complacent and not caring about this issue at all like?? this is your job? you’re literally meant to be doing all these things to help us right now and you’re just not. which i guess unfortunately also makes sense bc they’re the ones who would suffer least. it’s so frustrating lmaoooo >:(

:***** i’ve stayed up again bc i am Not intelligent fjskdk but i’m looking forward to your response!! goodnight and sweet dreamssss (for when you next sleep LOL) 💗😘

[calumcest]

Hi! For the writing prompt can you do one maybe with „come back“ and „sorry“ with lashton? Thank you☺️ your writing is amazing!

omg this is so cute anon thank u !! 

ok jex helped me w the concept of this drabble bc i was LOST on what to make them argue about so big thank u jex 

Send me a “Come back” and I’ll write a drabble about character asking the other to return (they parted after a fight, the other has been missing for a while, etc) // Send me a “Sorry” and I’ll write a drabble about one character apologizing to the other (hurting the other’s feelings, do something that angered the other, etc) 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Luke is a fucking drama queen. 

Or, at least, Ashton thinks darkly as he shoves his hands into his pockets to protect them from the wind, that’s what Austen would have written had she known Luke for more than two minutes. 

Ashton had told Luke he needed today, just one day, to himself. One day to answer all his emails, get on top of all his admin work, do his tax returns, all the boring adult shit that he doesn’t want to do but has to, and requires concentration. One day. 

Luke had whined, bitched, moaned, but told Ashton he could have his one day. He’d sulked around the house all of the previous evening, waiting for Ashton to ask what was wrong rather than acting like a fucking adult and expressing how he felt, and, when Ashton hadn’t played into his childish behaviour, had exploded, blurting that he didn’t get why Ashton couldn’t just do all that stuff with Luke. 

(“Just because you can do it with me around doesn’t mean I can do it with you around,” Ashton had tried to explain patiently. “Different people focus differently.” 

“So you don’t love me?” Luke had said, and Ashton had stared at him in absolute disbelief. 

“How the fuck did you get that from ‘we’re different people’?” he’d asked incredulously, and Luke had been so incensed that Ashton hadn’t immediately soothed his ego and assured him that yes, he did love him, that he’d flounced off to their bedroom and gone to sleep. 

At eight p.m.) 

Ashton had woken up early specifically so he could hopefully get everything done by late afternoon and have a few hours to unwind with Luke, and he’d actually managed to make such a sizeable dent in his to-do list that by lunchtime he was making himself a sandwich, humming happily and mentally planning a schedule for the rest of the day. He’d reckoned he could have been done by about four, which would have left him and Luke with plenty of time to do something fun. 

That had been the moment that Luke had walked into the kitchen, seen Ashton dancing on the spot to the song he’d been humming. 

“Oh,” he’d said, petulant and upset. “I see.” Ashton had closed his eyes, inhaling deeply and resisting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose before spinning around to face Luke. 

“What?” he’d said. 

“You’re having a great day,” Luke had said pointedly. 

“Answering emails isn’t my idea of a great day,” Ashton had said. Luke’s features had twisted into a frown. 

“Well, you’re fucking humming and dancing,” he’d said. “I haven’t seen you that happy in a long time.” Ashton had rolled his eyes so hard he thinks he may have permanently strained them. 

“You’re fucking impossible, Luke,” he’d said, tone harder than he’d intended, and Luke’s face had shifted from upset to angry. 

“What?” he’d asked bitterly. “I’m not allowed to be upset that the happiest I’ve seen my boyfriend in weeks is when he’s not spending time with me?” Ashton hadn’t been able to stop himself laughing at that, biting and humourless. 

“Are you fucking serious?” he’d asked angrily. 

“Am I fucking serious?” Luke had repeated, voice rising. 

“You’re insane,” Ashton had said acidly. “I’m not here for your fucking entertainment, Luke.” 

“What the fuck are you good for, then?” Luke had said spitefully, because he knows exactly what buttons and insecurities to push at to get a reaction, and Ashton had swallowed back the fury rising in his stomach.

“Fuck you,” Ashton had spat, and he’d shouldered past Luke and stormed out of the house. 

That’s how he’d ended up here, in a little park a few streets away, walking laps around it to try and burn off all the anger fizzing in his veins and churning in his stomach. It had only taken an hour or so until the anger had dissipated, but the lingering hurt still hasn’t gone four hours later. 

He’s sat on a park bench, eyes closed as he tries not to think both about the fact he’s going to have to go home and face Luke at some point and he’s now got to set aside another half a day to finish off all the shit he didn’t get done today, when his phone buzzes in his pocket. 

Ashton contemplates not looking at it, because he knows it’s going to be Luke, but part of being an adult in an adult relationship (not that Luke would know anything about that, he thinks bitingly) is facing your problems and communicating. So he pulls his phone out, presses the home button, and reads the text. 

Luke US New New Real New (Actual New 2020)I’m sorry. Please come home 

Ashton toys with his phone for a minute, wondering whether he should reply, before deciding there’s no point if he’s going to go home. He pulls himself off the bench with a sigh, dread settling in his stomach as he walks out of the gate and down the two roads back home. He’s not sure he wants to face this music. 

He unlocks the door as quietly as he can, but it’s to no avail, because Luke’s sat on the bottom step of their staircase, eyes red, hoodie sleeves pulled over his hands and suspiciously dark-looking. He jumps when Ashton walks in, but doesn’t get up, just looks at him, biting his lip. 

They stare at each other for a moment, and then Ashton breaks their gaze to fumble with his shoes, busying himself so he won’t have to look at Luke. Finally, though, after he’s rearranged his shoes about fifteen times, he has no choice but to look back at him. Luke swallows, and pulls himself to his feet. 

“I’m sorry,” he says eventually.

“That’s not good enough,” Ashton says quietly. Luke bites his lip again. 

“I know,” he says, and then rushes to continue when Ashton opens his mouth. “But just- just hear me out, okay?” Ashton sighs, and nods. “Okay. I fucked up. I was being selfish, self-absorbed, childish and…uh, kind of ridiculous, honestly. I took that out on you, which was unfair, and I’m so sorry that I said what I said. I didn’t mean it, obviously - it was just me being spiteful and trying to hurt you.” Luke pauses, and takes a deep breath. “I understand that I have hurt you, and I understand that I’ve fucked up by being selfish and self-obsessed. My feelings aren’t more important than yours, and I understand that too. I’d like to do whatever you feel you need to work past this. If you need space, that’s okay. If you don’t think you can forgive me and don’t want to be with me anymore-” he swallows again, and Ashton can see the tears pricking at his eyes, but he pushes through it. “-then that’s okay too. You’re the most important thing to me, Ashton, and I want to do whatever I can to show you that I’m sorry.” He finishes with a shaky exhale, and Ashton stares at him, trying to comprehend what he’s just heard. It’s sensitive, sensible, put-together, and-

“Did you Google how to give a proper apology?” he asks, and one of the tears in Luke’s eyes falls as he laughs sadly. He brings the wet sleeve of his hoodie up to wipe it away as he nods. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I know I suck at apologising. I wrote it all down in a note.” Ashton swallows. 

“Oh, Luke,” he whispers, because if Luke went so far as to Google how to fucking apologise properly, he must really fucking mean it. 

“One of the websites said I shouldn’t put the responsibility for fixing it on you, because it was me that fucked up, and I get that, but I need to know whether you want space, or, like…” Luke trails off, looking unsure. Ashton blinks. 

“Come here,” he says, holding his arms open, and Luke hesitates. 

“I don’t want you to just sweep this under the rug,” he says tentatively. “I’m not apologising because I want things to be okay. I’m apologising because I’m sorry about what I did to you.” 

“Jesus,” Ashton says, and he can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips. “How many fucking websites did you read?” Luke makes a sound that sounds like it was meant to be a laugh but ends up more of a sniffle. 

“A lot,” he admits. 

“Come here,” Ashton repeats, and this time Luke does, wrapping his wet sleeves around Ashton’s neck and burying his face in Ashton’s neck as Ashton holds him tightly, trying not to let his own tears fall onto Luke’s shoulder. 

“I’m still upset,” he tells Luke, and he feels Luke nod against him. 

“That’s understandable,” Luke mumbles. 

“I love you,” Ashton says, gentler this time. “I’m never not going to love you. It’ll be okay.” Luke nods again, and Ashton squeezes him as tightly as he can. 

“I love you too,” Luke whispers. They stand there for a moment, and Ashton brings a hand up to wipe away the tears from his own eyes. 

“I can’t believe you Googled how to give me an apology,” he says, voice thick, and Luke laughs. Ashton feels it reverberate through both of their bodies, warming his heart, and presses a kiss to Luke’s shoulder. 

They’re going to be okay.

[gra-sonas]

I am not sure if you have been asked already if you have you can link to your answer if not what would you say you are most excited for in season 2? and then what would you say you are least excited for?

Hi nonnie!

I talked about some of it  in this post, but now that we’re closer to the S2 premiere (62 days), I tried to write down a little more (esp. about other characters than Alex *ahem*). THIS GOT LONG

Liz

Liz will have A LOT on her plate this season. She’s lost Max and got Rosa back in return. That’s some grade A emotional whiplash! It’ll be interesting to see how the new dynamic  between the sisters will be (Liz is the younger sister, but she’s the  older one now, that should be interesting!). We know from several BTS pics/vids this year (thanks, Trevino!), that Liz will work at the  Crashdown quite a bit (I wonder what that means in regards to a job in the field of biomedical engineering?). I also expect her to figure out a way to bring Max back (does she have/get a lab, will there be another underground bunker, will she work at Michael’s bunker???).

In the trailer Liz was seen with Jenna (😍) who showed her how to use a weapon. WHY IS LIZ LEARNING HOW TO SHOOT??? 😱 How is her relationship with her dad, will she tell him about Rosa (not just that she’s back, but also the bit about where Jim Valenti is Rosa’s biological dad? Or does Arturo already know???).  And what role does Liz’s mom play when she comes to visit? Oh, and how/when does she figure out how to bring back Max? So many questions, and I can’t wait to find out.

Rosa

Rosa’s return is one of very, VERY few things I liked about 1x13. I’m so excited she’s back and can’t wait to get to know her properly in S2. She’ll have a lot to deal with (”I’m a ghost.” is what she says in the trailer, that implies that she has to stay hidden, at least early on!). She’s still a recovering alcoholic and addict, and then there’s this whole thing of being alive again after a decade of… well, a decade of what? Noah put her in his pod, the same pod he said didn’t keep him in stasis properly. What does that mean for Rosa? Noah’s in a scene with Rosa in the trailer, is that a flashback? Was she ‘alive’ in the pod, or was she actually dead and didn’t feel a thing? How will her dad react? How’s her relationship with Liz going to develop? How ‘delighted’ will she be to interact with Kyle, her half-brother? I can’t wait to find out about all of that!

Isobel

My girl Isobel! She’s gonna have a lot to deal with in S2. First and foremost there’s Max’s death, which - given that they are sharing a very special psychic bond - I would imagine will be super hard for her to handle. In 1x13 we also saw her ‘unlock’ a new (new to her) power. Is that something she’ll try to develop further in the hopes of bringing Max back? Will she work with Liz? Will she unlock other powers? How will she approach dealing with the severe trauma of Noah betraying and (ab)using her? Will she go to therapy? Pretend like  everything is okay and try to figure it out on her own? Go to Kyle and talk to him? Go to Alex (PLEASE, LET HER GO TO ALEX)? Is she the one who’ll identify as ‘not straight’ at the end of S2? I’m absolutely STOKED for Isobel’s journey, especially bc Lily’s the coolest who also gives Carina ideas and talks to her about Isobel a lot. This is going to be so good!!!

Maria

Maria’s the character that had the least development in S1. She didn’t have  much of a storyline of her own, and mostly served as a catalyst for other character’s stories. I hope that will fundamentally change in S2. Carina’s said that they’ll dive into Maria’s family history this season, meaning that we’ll hopefully find out more about the necklace she’s wearing, its powers, and what part her family played after the UFO crash in 1947. What’s the DeLuca family legacy, and what do they know about aliens? When will Maria find out about aliens, and how will she react - not just about the fact that aliens exist, but that everyone close to her kept it from her for so long? Will be interesting to see what they’re doing with Maria this season. 

Max

Will probably stay dead for at least some of S2, he’ll probably be brought back halfway through S2? The when and how of bringing him back is one thing, interesting will also be, how Max is. Is he the same as before? Or did the use of that much power to bring Rosa back cost him. A part of his soul? His memories? Something else? Some people mentioned dark!Max could be an option, that could be really cool.

Kyle

My boo Kyle!!! I want nothing but good things to happen to Dr. McSexy. I hope his friendship with Alex continues to blossom and grow, I can’t wait for more brilliant and hilarious one-liners and quips (Kyle had the best lines in S1, and Trevino delivered every single one to perfection!), there’s at least one Kyliz kiss in his future, and while I know they’ll never be endgame (😢), I’ll enjoy it while it lasts (here’s me shallowly hoping for some good recreational s e x for the good doctor, though I do hope he doesn’t get his heart broken.

Michael

It’ll be SO hard to see Michael spiral. :( He’s got so many things to deal with, and I’m worried how long his ‘free fall’ will last before he’s able to stabilize? Caulfield and Max’s death will be super hard on him, Iz will be busy getting her own life in order, and while I hope Liz and Michael will work together to bring Max back, it remains to be seen if Michael’s even up for it. I’m just glad to know that Alex is around, solid as a rock, not going anywhere, and I hope Michael will allow him to be there for him. ‘Only’ as a friend for now, but that’s what S2′s supposed to be about, Alex and Michael becoming friends. They still love each other (SO MUCH 🥺), they still have this cosmic bond, and I hope that despite them not being together (as ‘in a relationship), they’ll steadily move towards getting back together.

Special wish: should the ‘Alex gets kidnapped’ story line happen, I can’t WAIT for tornado!Michael to do everything in his power(s) to bring him back. And should there be a reason for Michael to put a handprint on Alex, I WANT IT!!!

Alex

Unsurprisingly, I’m most looking forward to all things Alex next season. And I really mean ALL things. Just seeing him will spark joy. I’m also prepared to worry about him. A LOT. First of all, he’ll re-enlist again. Staying in the Air Force enables him to get access to important information, which hopefully helps to keep Michael, Iz and Max safe, but what a price to pay… :/

I’m looking forward to the developing friendship between Alex and Michael, for the friendship between Alex and Kyle to grow, and I want a friendship between Alex and Isobel like almost nothing else in S2! I’m looking forward to BAMF!Alex who left nice in the Middle East and is ready to take on the fight with his father. I’m looking forward to interactions between Alex and his brothers (soooo curious about all things Manes Brothers!). I’m anxious to see how he’ll react to M/M (I really hope they won’t make him pretend it’s no big deal, or ‘forgive’ like it’s nothing that Maria went behind his back…), I hope to see Alex’s disability be more ‘visible’ again than during the latter half of S1. I wish his PTSD and what it means for him would be more visible and addressed but that might not happen. And then there’s of course BUFFYYYY! I’m prepared to sob my way through their first encounter. I’m so, so happy he gets to have her! ❤️

Buffy

I CANNOT WAIT TO MEET THIS VERY GOOD GIRL!!!!! 😍

What I hope for

A season that expands the RNM universe without losing focus of our main characters. Reveals of important alien history. Friendships developing. I hope that the influence of the large number of queer, POC, and female people working in the writers room and behind the camera will have a really positive influence on how S2 comes together.

I also hope for S2 to end on a positive/hopeful note for Malex. I hope they won’t be in relationships with other people going into S3, and I hope there’ll be a real chance for them to get back together in S3.

Despite them not being together in S2, I still hope for a kiss (OR SEVERAL, DON’T HOLD BACK ON MY ACCOUNT). I can’t go an entire season without them kissing 🥺🥺🥺

More characters  + some DNWs below the cut

Jenna

My girl Jenna! Gosh, I love her, and I can’t wait to see her again. I’m also hoping she’ll be in more than one episode. I want to know more about Charlie, I want to see more of my favorite sleuthing trio Jenna/Alex/Kyle. Just… give me aaaaaall the Jenna content!

Mimi

I hope we’ll learn more about her, her history with Jesse, and her potential history with aliens. What does Mimi know, did an alien ‘give’ her dementia? Is there a cure?

Steph

Steph (played by Justina Adorno) is a new character we haven’t met yet. According to Justina, “Steph is sassy. She is the Head of Surgery’s daughter. She’s a smart educated girl with a little sass“. So we don’t have much to work with yet, but ‘Head of Surgery’s daughter’ implies, that she might meet Kyle first (at the hospital)? Will she be in on the alien secret, or play a different role? Either way, I’m always excited for more female characters!

Grace Powell

I couldn’t be more excited about Jamie Clayton in Roswell, she’s brilliant and I want her around for more than just 2-3 episode. Hope she’s one of the good guys!

Mara & Louise

Mara (Michael’s mom) and Louise (likely Isobel’s and Max’s mom) are two characters we’ll meet in flashbacks to 1947. I’m excited to find out more about the aliens who crashed, where they are from, I hope the flashbacks will fill out some blanks. I’m also very curious to find out how they’ll incoroprate the flashbacks in general. Are these memories Isobel and Michael manage to unlock? Are there videos in the Caulfield files? Do they find old diaries in 2018 and they play out on screen?

Jesse

May he get what he deserves in S2 (AND I WANT ALEX TO BE THE LAST THING HE EVER SEES, PREFERABLY ALEX KISSING MICHAEL)

Arturo

No one, and I mean really absolutely NO ONE is allowed to mess with Papi Ortecho. (ง︡’-‘︠)ง  (ง︡’-‘︠)-o  (ง︡’-‘︠)ง Liz needs him, Rosa needs him,I need him. He better be healthy and well by the end of S2!

Jason Behr’s character

No idea who he’s going to play, probably someone from the 1947 timeline? Or someone who could be dangerous for the Pod Squad in 2018?

Wyatt Long

He’ll be in at least one episode, maybe more? What is he going to do if he ever finds out Rosa’s back???

For[r]est

Hopefully a good guy, and good for Alex. Still not eager to see this unfold on screen tho…

Manes Brothers

Ahhhhh, I’m actually super excited for Gregory Manes, and also for more Flint! I hope we’ll find out more about them, about their dynamics, who’s older/younger, how it was when they were little, and even though we won’t meet their mom this season, I hope we’ll hear sth about her (and why she left). I also hope that at least one of them will be in Alex’s corner, I’d also be in favor of a redemption arc for Flint, just putting that out there.

DNW

Any and all M/M & A/F “love” triangle stuff. I don’t want it and I wish it wasn’t part of S2. Alas, it will be and I just hope M/M will end quickly, and A/F is nothing but a fling. Ugh, I don’t want any of this 😩 My absolute nightmare would be for both ‘relationships’ to last into S3.

Extensive flashbacks to 1947 that take away precious screen time I’d rather see dedicated to characters in 2018.

Episodes that had to be edited extensively to fit 42 minutes (still mourning every little scene they had to cut from S1 episodes, even though we’ll never know what and how much got cut from each ep, it just was A LOT for some episodes)

Too much focus on the overall ‘murder mystery’ plot (or whatever we’ll get this year) . I’d much rather see the characters grow and interact with each other (more group scenes would be nice).

Another trash fire of a final episode like 1x13. Of course there will be a cliffhanger, and this time we know that we’ll definitely get another season, but still. Another season finale leaving the characters - and therefore us - in such a bad place would be the absolute worst. We’ve barely made it through this hiatus, I don’t think this fandom could handle another one with so much uncertainty, heartbreak, and dread of what’s to come in S3.

In case you’ve made it until the very end of this post, thank you, and thanks for your ask!!! Hope you’re having a great day, nonnie!  ✨💚👽

[patchofsunlight]

(This one is so long I’m sorry lmao)

Aw thank you 🥺 I’m taking a break right now since everything that’s due today is finally done! I’ll work on stuff later but I think I’m gonna like eat and chill for a bit for once lmao

Haha my group members for an assingment in the class are ready to throw hands at her too 😂 it’s all good though! Next week I can focus on my other class that gives out wayy less assignments.

Aw I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling down ❤️❤️ sending love your way!! Omg that’s so many exams for one week! You’ll probably be done by the time I’m responding but good luck and I know you’ll do great!! Take a break afterwards and do something fun!!

Lmaoo I thought he was gonna annoy me and idk maybe he will, but as of right now he’s adorable 🥺 I’m gonna watch another ep today hopefully!!

Exactly!! Especially when we’re applying for schools like we need good marks to get into the schools we want!! My exam taking abilities are horrible 😂 like I’ll study days in advance but then I go into the exam and I’m a nervous wreck. And most of the time I’ve prepared properly it’s just the sitting and taking the exam part that messes with my head.

OMGG YESS COME SEE ME!! I live in Canada!! OMG yess come to a college here!! Tbh idk anything abt the sat but congrats on getting a great mark!! I used to go to the US to visit family, but I would be soo scared of like something bad happening lmaoo. Ouu communications or law sounds really interesting!! Let me know how everything goes regarding school!

Lmaoo okok here’s what happened. It was an absolute travesty 😂 so from grade 9 until grade 11 we have to take science. But I’m not good at science. Science and math are my worst classes I do wayy better in like English and art and stuff. So anyways I had been doing really bad on the tests and like I understood the lessons but it was the application part that was soo hard for me. So I was sitting at like an 80 in the class before the exam and I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to bring it up to a 90 so I just accepted it and was gonna just try to do really good on the exam. So the day before the exam I asked my teacher a few questions for clarification and one of them was asking abt what an atom was. (Yes dumbass grade 9 me didn’t know what an atom was but now I do. I did way better in grade 10 science cause it started making sense and I haven’t taken it since lmfao) so he explains it then says “do you understand?” And I looked at him and was like”...no?” and he had the audacity to say “well then idk how to explain it to you” 💀 I was flabbergasted. So I go home, study my butt off, and go to the exam the next day. Tell me why none of the stuff on the exam study sheet he gave us was on the exam 🥺 anywho so I’m sitting in the gym doing the exam on the brink of tears cause I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing lmao and then I hand the exam in. A week passes and I go in with my friends to get our marks. We go to the science room and he gives us our marks and I see mine. 53% 💀 3% over the failing grade. And here’s the kicker. He had to take a question off of the exam since nobody got it right or even knew how to do it 😂 So technically I would’ve failed the exam and had to go into school and do work to make it up. So anywho I was bummed abt that, then he shows us our overall mark and my glorious 80 dropped down to a 71. And then I cried lmao cause I was like how did it drop that much? Apparently our marks can’t drop that much and someone else did the same on their exam as me and only got like 5 marks taken off of their overall mark soo.. But yeah that’s it :)

Haha thank you! Watch me abandon doing yoga after a week.. oops 😗

Aw I love you too!! No worries!! I wanna make you feel better even if it’s a little bit!❤️ how was your day and how are you feeling?? -🌙

(dont worry i love your asks sorry for taking so long to answer)

YES TAKE BREAKS YES

and 🥰🥰🥰 thanks moonie i love you you’re too nice to me

TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF IT IF YOU DID WATCH IT!!!! and yes deku is BABY

both grades and exams suck and mean nothing and i’ll DIE by this

YOU LIVE IN CANADA??? THAT’S SO FUN!!! YES I’LL GO VISIT YOU LMAOOOO and yeah i’ll let you know!!!!!

BRO WHAAAAT??? that’s NINE marks that’s SO MUCH that’s so unfair wtf??? also that teacher sounds like an ASSHOLE how did an entire class couldn’t get a question right he must be SUCH a dumbass let me throw hands for a sec!!!! anyway you did NOT deserve that i’m glad you see it as funny now lmaooo i would’ve been SO PISSED watch me go talk to the school board so they can change my grade 😤😤😤 LMAOOO

gmeidowkskw MOOD!!!! i was doing this exercise plan thingy and i did it for like 9 days before forgetting about it for MONTHS it do be like that

🥰🥰🥰 you definitely did!!! and my day today has been alright!!! i played among us with wave and i was organizing a bunch of stuff for my blog and i’ll try to write as much as i can today!!! i’ll also be posting an allergies chapter soon 👀👀 i’m just happy bc i have nothing set to do and the ✨freedom✨ is giving me serotonin LMAOOO so yeah i’m okay!! also it’s warm and i love warm weather so 🥰🥰 it’s kinda too warm tho it’s almost 40°C which is MFKWOXKWKS A WHOLE LOT AM I WRITE BUT IT’S FINE

what about you??? how has your day been?? are you alright??

[chocafe]

— donghyun as your boyfriend

pairing: boyfriend!keumdong and reader a/n: requested + i’m so glad that someone requested this because donghyun was actually one of my top picks throughout the show. i’m going to miss him so much and i really do hope c9 keeps us all updated with him :-(

keumdong aka the greatest boy in the whole entire world ࿐ྂ

since he spends a majority of his time in the dance room

you tend to come along and watch him practice

sitting in the very back corner, watching his every move

not going to lie, donghyun is a very confident dancer, but with you watching him . . . he becomes a nervous wreck and often messes up

it’s as if he can’t focus properly with you there

it’s bc you occupy his mind 24/7

donghyun is always there to listen to you

it doesn’t matter how crazy and outrageous your conversation is

he’s there to give you an open ear and go along with whatever you say

as naive as it may seem, donghyun still passes notes to you in class

“hey? can you pass this to y/n?” his whispers underneath his breath, trying his best to not get caught by his teacher

even though the two of you could get in trouble

you both still continue to pass notes to one another

each note varies because sometimes the two of you could be writing about how cold it is outside

and on the other hand

the note could just say “you look really pretty today y/n ♡”

when notes like these pop out of the blue

it causes you to blush in class, not knowing how to respond back properly

“y/n?” the teacher randomly calls upon you in a concerned manner. “are you catching a fever? your face suddenly turned red.”

“i-i’m fine!” you quickly answer back, resulting in donghyun lightly chuckling from his seat (he knew exactly why your face was red and he’s 100% proud of being the reason behind it)

his eyes twinkle whenever he sees you

he doesn’t have the guts to tell you this

but he feels as if time stops whenever he lays eyes upon you

or that little trinkets of stars are falling down from the sky as if the two of you are the main leads in a romance movie

maybe the reason why he feels this way is because he still can’t believe that you’re all his

keumdong has been having a crush on you for the longest time! so to know that you two are finally dating still seems pretty foreign to him

you both text all day and all night long

you guys can be texting all the way until three in the morning

but once you ask if you could call him on the phone

he’d just go

[txt] donghyun: oh dang im actually getting tired so maybe not right now and maybe we can call tomorrow :/

it’s not that he doesn’t want to talk to you ! ! !

he’s just still a little shy

and talking on the phone with you might cause his heart to combust into a million pieces

“threatens” you when you’re unmotivated

when you feel like becoming a lazy ball of nothing

donghyun is there to lift you back up

but… it’s not how you exactly imagine it to be

“come on, y/n! you need to get up and start working on your homework!” donghyun lightly nudges your arm as you continue to lifelessly lay there in peace

“i’ll do it tomorrow.”

“you said that yesterday─ if you don’t stop being lazy then i’m going to break up with you!”

and with that being said, you’re up and working in a millisecond because there is no way youRE GOING TO BECOME SINGLE BECAUSE OF THIS

deep down inside keumdong is over here like “hehehe just joking why would i ever break up with you? uwu”

dates between you two are usually more on the casual side!

it could be you guys going out to get ice cream

or even just hanging out after school by visiting local stores in the area

but leTS TALK ABOUT YOUR FIRST DATE WITH EACH OTHER

you both agreed to go to lotte world with one another ( ੭•͈ω•͈)੭

lotte world is a popular amusement park in korea if you’re wondering!

since this was back in the beginning of your guys relationship

keumdong was a nervous wreck!

as usual, his hands were sweating

and he didn’t know when it was the right time to properly hold your hand

WHAT MADE HIM HOLD YOUR HAND was that the amusement park was getting super busy and crowded since it was the weekend

donghyun didn’t want to lose you in the crowd of people

“let’s not get lost.” he simply says as he reached down to hold onto your hand, leading you through the group of individuals

maybe it was a good thing? that donghyun was walking in front of you?

because his cheeks were turning into the same shade as a cherry

but you weren’t able to notice since you were behind him, only being capable of seeing the back of his head

(shhh don’t tell keumdong i told you that)

you would think that donghyun would let go of your hand once the two of you escape the rush of people

nope!

he grasped onto your hand even tighter

and you were perfectly fine with this

everything felt magical and the two of you were no longer anxious of this little first date

you both continued to ride every single thrilling attraction such as the carousel, bumper cars, gyro drop, ect.

to end the day, the you guys decided to let the ferris wheel be your guys last ride

just so you two could enjoy the last remaining minutes together

all while admiring the great view of the entire amusement park

“did you have fun?” donghyun asks, somewhat tense as he has no clue on how you’re truly feeling

“of course i did!” you look down at your hand and notice how you both still haven’t let go of one another yet

there was a moment of silence as you stared outside the ferris wheel in astonishment

as donghyun stared at you with the same exact expression

“y/n? can i kiss you?” he politely asks, refraining himself from breaking out into a puddle of sweat

instead of answering back

you halted your response and pulled donghyun’s face closer to yours, letting both of your guys lips meet for a second

“woops? i guess you can say i got too excited to respond back.”

donghyun is put into a swirl of emotions, causing him to cover his face with his hands because once again, you’ve made him blush

[rvnclwrites]

The Celestial Ball (Charlie x Female MC)

Summary: I know there's been a lot of upset over the data mining spoilers for the upcoming ball, so of course I wrote an explanation for Charlie's supposed absence. I'll probably also write a version where they actually go to the ball together bc screw you JamCity.

Word Count: ~3400

Note: Shout out to akkiarn on Instagram for the continuous hphm data mining spoilers. You the real MVP for preparing us for potential disappointment lol.

“This looks incredible,” you said in awe, spinning to admire every inch of Penny's work around the Great Hall. She had managed to turn the usually dull room into a starlit wonderland. Twinkling lights adorned the now twilight blue walls and a swirling galaxy stretched the length of the ceiling, casting light on the silver dance floor below.

“I still have some final touches left, but do you think people will like it?” Penny asked, biting her lip as she surveyed the room. “The last thing I need is for people to say Emily would have done a better job than me.”

“Someone would have to be utterly insane to not be impressed by this,” you reassured her, suppressing a scowl as you recalled your second encounter with Bill's former crush. In an attempt to reel in your immediate irritation at the thought of Emily, you decided to change the subject. “Let's see… I secured your position on the decorating committee, convinced Ben and Rowan to come, and decided what I'm going to wear. Anything else I'm missing before tomorrow?”

Penny giggled beside you as she flicked her wand toward the glittering moon and star garland in front of her, guiding it toward the entryway. “A date.”

Your stomach churned uncomfortably at her response. Until now, you had been able to distract yourself enough to ignore that aspect of the ball. The thought of asking someone was nauseating, and it didn't help your confidence that no one had asked you yet. You knew you didn't need a date to have a good time, but you couldn't stop the flutter in your chest when you imagined going with a certain dragon-loving redhead.

“Why don’t you just ask him?” Penny suggested, reading your stressed expression. Of course she could be that straightforward; Penny was the sweetest and most popular girl in your year. Who wouldn't want to go to the ball with her?

You fumbled with the remaining garland in front of you, still feeling embarrassed. “I think he would have asked by now if he wanted to go with me,” you answered, trailing off with a frown. Charlie was your best friend, and maybe that's all he wanted to be. Maybe going to the ball together would be confusing and put tension on your friendship.

“Come on, you know how quiet Charlie can be. Plus, I haven't really seen him around much this week. Maybe he's so busy he forgot.”

You chewed your lower lip, hating the false hope Penny's explanation gave you. “I don't even know where he is,” you said, as if that was enough of a reason to drop the conversation.

Beaming, Penny dropped the decorations in her hands and tugged you toward the exit. “Then we’ll just have to find him!”

You groaned as she led you down the corridor, and attempted to pull your wrist from her grasp several times, but it was no use. You eventually conceded, knowing all too well the odds of Penny letting this go even if you did manage to free yourself. After not finding any of your friends in the library or the Courtyard, you followed Penny outside to the school grounds.

“Andre!” Penny called with a wave as you both spotted him alongside the rest of the Ravenclaw Quidditch team.

He smiled, excusing himself from his teammates’ huddle before jogging over to you. “What's up?”

The knot in your stomach made it hard to think properly let alone speak, so you were more than relieved when Penny answered for you. “Have you seen Charlie around? We can't find him anywhere.”

Andre's pleasant expression contorted into concern. “You didn't hear? He got hurt in Quidditch practice today. He's probably still with Madam Pomfrey.”

His words instantly diminished all thoughts of the ball, replacing them with worry for your best friend. “What? What happened?”

“He fell off his broom. Pretty high fall from what I heard,” Andre explained, and before he could give you any more details, you took off in a hurry toward the castle.

“I figured I'd see you soon,” Madam Pomfrey said with a smile as you crossed the threshold into the Hospital Wing.

You flushed, realizing this was the fourth time this year you had come to visit Charlie after a Quidditch incident. Why did he have to play the most dangerous position? “Is he okay?”

Madam Pomfrey nodded. “He’s pretty banged up and has to spend the night, but he'll be alright.”

Madam Pomfrey stepped aside, gesturing to one of the beds behind her. Charlie's face lit up as soon as your eyes met, sending your stomach into a fit of butterflies. You sat beside him on the edge of the mattress but were unable to return his smile as you took in the bruise covering his right cheek.

“Are you okay?” you asked, instinctively stroking the discolored skin with your thumb. Charlie stiffened under your touch, and you dropped your hand to your lap, suddenly worried about making him uncomfortable.

“I'm fine,” he insisted, but the redhead winced as he attempted to shift his weight beneath the sheets. Tightly wound bandages covered the majority of Charlie's right arm, most likely healing broken bones and friction burns. “Madam Pomfrey just wants to make sure my head is alright. My side broke most of the fall, but my head still hit the ground.”

You nodded, holding back the urge to hug him in case any of his ribs were healing too. “I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner. I just found out from Andre.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said reassuringly. “I'm just glad you're here now.”

The fluttering returned to your stomach and you fought back a smile. “What happened?”

He dropped his gaze down to the mattress, looking… disappointed? “I, uh, lost focus and barely avoided disaster with a Bludger.” Charlie paused, glancing over at his arm. “Well, I guess it ended in disaster anyway.”

You frowned, unable to recall a time Charlie was too distracted to play Quidditch. He was the best Seeker at Hogwarts. “What distracted you?”

“Nothing,” Charlie mumbled, and before you could press further, Penny and Andre entered the room.

“How are you feeling, Charlie?” Penny asked once the pair reached the bed. You could tell she was averting her gaze from the bruise on his freckled face in an attempt to be polite.

“I'm alright,” he insisted again, refusing to show signs of pain despite the severity of his injury. Charlie was definitely the most resilient of the Weasley brothers that you had met so far. “How's the Great Hall looking?”

Penny smiled, clearly still prideful when it came to her committee duties. “Not to brag, but it's probably the best that room has looked in ages.”

“I can't wait to see it,” Andre said thoughtfully. “Hopefully it'll help me forget about the dreadful wardrobe decisions I'll undoubtedly see.” He looked pointedly at Charlie, whose face turned pink in return.

“Oh, it will,” Penny reassured, and her smile widened as she glanced over at you. “Speaking of the dance,” she added, elbowing you in the shoulder slightly, and your stomach lurched as you registered where her thought process was going. Oh no. Not now. Not here. “I believe we were in the middle of something when we found out you were hurt.”

You glared at her, but Charlie eyebrows already raised in interest. “What do you still have to do? Feel free to go ahead, I don't want to hold you guys up.”

“Nothing,” you mumbled, more towards Penny than Charlie. “We can take care of that later.”

Charlie looked from you to Penny, and your mouth dropped open as she said with a smile, “(Y/N) was going to ask someone to the ball.”

Mortification washed over you, and Penny recoiled slightly at the disdainful look you shot her. “No I wasn't,” you gritted through clenched teeth. You forced yourself to look at Charlie, surprised to find his posture rigid and his stare fixated on the blanket covering him. “You feeling okay?” you asked, your voice softening as you instinctively searched for a source of pain on his injured body.

“Actually no, my side is starting to hurt again,” Charlie answered quietly, placing a hand on his lower abdomen. “I think I'm going to try to sleep for a bit.”

You frowned, disappointed that you’d have to leave. “Okay. Do you need anything?”

He shook his head but remained quiet, making you want to ask what was wrong. Was it really just the injuries? What if he knew you wanted to ask him and he was trying to save you from the embarrassment of him saying no? You instantly shook that thought from your mind. He couldn't possibly know, right?

“What the bloody hell was that?” you whispered to Penny as soon as you exited the Hospital Wing.

Her innocent face stared back at you apologetically. “I was just trying to give you a little push.”

Andre came to a halt. “Wait a minute,” he said, turning to face you. “You were trying to find Charlie before you found out he was hurt.” His mouth dropped open before transforming into a knowing, unbearable grin. “You were going to ask him to the dance!”

“Shhh!” You surged forward to cover his mouth with your hand- you may have left the Hospital Wing, but you hadn't walked that far down the corridor yet.

“Go ask him!” Andre encouraged once he forced away your hand, pointing back toward the entryway.

You shook your head and started walking again. “He clearly didn't want us to stay any longer,” you said, trying to keep your voice level.

“Wait up!” Penny called, but you hurried back to your common room before they could catch up, eager to be alone for the rest of the night.

The following evening arrived faster than you wanted it to. Luckily, you had managed to avoid any more mentioning of asking Charlie to be your date to the ball, but you couldn't deny the fact that you were disappointed. You didn't have much time to dwell on it, however. Before you knew it, you and Rowan were dressed and were escorting yourselves down to the Great Hall.

“There’s Penny and Andre!” Rowan yelled over the music, pointing in the direction of a mouth-watering buffet table off to the side.

“Hey!” Penny greeted cheerfully, handing you each a cup of punch as you reached the table. She looked stunning in a playful white and yellow ball gown with her hair pinned back in an even fancier braid than usual.

“Merlin’s beard, I am good,” Andre boasted, turning away from the food to admire your floor length constellation dress. “Looks even better than I thought it would.”

You grinned at him, squeezing his arm appreciatively. “Thanks so much. I couldn’t have looked half this good without your help.” You glanced around for Charlie but couldn’t seem to make out either of the Weasley brothers among the crowd of students. “Where’s Charlie?”

Andre frowned, looking down at you with apologetic eyes. “He said he couldn’t make it.”

Your heart twisted, plummeting deep into the pit of your stomach. “What? Why not?”

“I think he was still hurting pretty bad. I’m really sorry.”

You nodded understandingly but disappointment weighed heavily inside your chest. Even if Charlie couldn’t be your date, you had gotten your hopes up for at least one dance with him.

“Wow, you guys look amazing!” Tulip said as she and Tonks appeared by the table. “This room looks incredible, Penny.”

Ben and Barnaby were the last two to join the group, and as soon as everyone was ready, Tonks yelled, “Let’s dance!”

Rowan grabbed your wrist, forcing you out onto the dance floor before you could protest. You tried to have as much fun as your friends seemed to be having. The room was livelier than ever with catchy music and mobs of dancing students, but you just couldn’t get your mind off of Charlie.

The first slow song came on after about twenty minutes of dancing, and you and Rowan retreated to an empty table off to the side of the dance floor.

Rowan slumped into one of the chairs, slipping her black heels off underneath the table. “My feet are already killing me,” she complained with a laugh, but you were too busy observing the couples swaying to the romantic music to respond. You propped your elbow on the table and rested your chin on the palm of your hand, hating yourself for imagining Charlie coming over to ask you to dance.

After a more few moments of silence, Rowan tapped you on the shoulder. “Why don’t you go check on him?”

You looked over at her, smiling appreciatively at how well she understood you. Discreetly slipping out of the Great Hall, a wave of relief washed over you as soon as you put some distance between you and all the noise.

“Why aren’t you at the ball, (Y/N)?” Madam Pomfrey asked as she spotted you peering through the entrance of the Hospital Wing.

“I was looking for Charlie,” you explained, frowning at the empty bed behind her.

“I excused him a few hours ago. I assumed he would want to go to the ball, but perhaps he needed more rest.”

“Oh, okay. Thanks.” You forced a smile and turned to leave, but Madam Pomfrey’s voice made you pause.

“Also,” she added, “not that it's any of my business, but it's not always a bad idea to take risks.” You looked back at her with wide eyes, embarrassed by either her hearing ability or observation skills, but she just smiled kindly in return. “I've found that it's more common to regret the things we didn’t do than it is to regret the things that didn't turn out the way we wanted them to.”

Your face grew as hot as a tea kettle, but you nodded and thanked Madam Pomfrey again before slowly retreating to the Great Hall. You weren’t sure whether to keep looking for Charlie or to call it a night. You certainly weren’t in a mood to go back to dancing.

“Hey!”

You looked up to see Bill near the entrance of the Great Hall, looking dapper in a set of brown dress robes. “Bill, you made it!” you said, smiling back at the friendly face.

“Yeah, I told Rowan I’d stop by if I could. What are you doing out here?”

Your forehead creased as soon as your thoughts returned to Charlie. “I was looking for your brother actually.”

“Ah.” Bill glanced around before leaning closer to you and whispering, “You didn’t hear it from me, but you may have some luck in the library.”

You smiled appreciatively, but it faded as you considered Bill’s wording. “Does he not want to see me?” you asked, suddenly worried Charlie was avoiding you.

Bill chuckled softly. “He always wants to see you. He's just having an off night.”

Trusting Bill’s words, you started toward the library. Sure enough, Charlie was seated at one of the tables, his arm still bandaged securely as he flipped the page of the book in front of him.

“Hey,” you said quietly, causing the redhead to turn in his seat.

“Dammit Bill,” he muttered once your eyes met, and your stomach tightened- apparently Bill was wrong about him always wanting to see you.

“Did I do something wrong?” you asked, sitting down beside him before he had a chance to ask you to leave.

Charlie sighed and shook his head. “No. Sorry, I just kind of wanted to be alone tonight.” His beautiful brown eyes trailed over your clothes, reminding you how dressed up you were in comparison. “Why aren’t you at the ball?”

“I wasn’t having any fun without my best friend there,” you answered, nudging him gently on his uninjured shoulder.

Charlie blinked at you. “Really?”

“Of course,” you said, confused by his surprise. “Why would I?”

Charlie shrugged. “I just figured you’d spend most of the night with Barnaby.”

Now it was your turn to blink at him. “What? Why Barnaby?”

“It’s okay, I know you asked him to be your date.” He stared at you, his doe brown eyes genuine. “I want you to be happy, but I just thought you would have told me.”

You looked at Charlie as if he sprouted two heads. “You think I asked Barnaby? Where in the bloody hell did you hear that from?”

Charlie's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “The Gryffindor Quidditch team. Everyone heard that you fancied him and kept talking about it at practice. They joked about placing bets on when you’d ask him to the dance, and based off of what Penny said, they weren't far off.”

You brought a hand up to rub your temple, vaguely recalling Merula saying something in class about telling everyone you fancied Barnaby. You had dismissed it easily, sure that she was either bluffing or no one would believe it. “Since when do you listen to rumors Merula spreads?” you asked, slightly hurt he didn't ask you whether it was true.

Charlie hesitated for a moment. “So it's not true then?”

You were about to yell at him and say that was hardly the point, but you paused. The Gryffindor Quidditch team… practice… “Wait a minute,” you began, your mouth dropping open in realization. “The team was talking about it at practice? The same practice you happened to not be able to focus on?”

Charlie stiffened in his chair, looking away from your widening smile while he messed with the upper corner of the book, flipping the pages rapidly against his fingertips. Even with a yellow bruise covering half of his speckled face, you still saw the blood rushing to his cheeks.  Was he… jealous? “The team started joking around about the fact that I didn't know and about how maybe we weren't as close of friends as I thought we were. It was stupid, I know, but it got in my head and I-”

You placed a hand on top of his and brushed your thumb against his pale skin, making him fall silent. “That's not stupid,” you said, smiling bashfully. “That's actually really sweet.”

“Really? Because I feel pretty stupid.” He laughed half-heartedly as he moved his bandaged arm.

“Well, that's what you get for doubting our friendship,” you teased, knocking your shoulder against his.

Charlie smiled at you. “I’m really sorry.” His eyes trailed back down to your dress. “You, uh, you look really nice, by the way.”

Heat instantly rose to your makeup-covered cheeks. “Thanks, Andre helped me pick it out.” You looked down at the dress and reminded yourself what Madam Pomfrey had said about taking risks. Scooting your chair back, you stood up so Charlie could see the bottom half of the blue material. “Actually, this right here is the Dragon Constellation,” you began, tracing the connected stars with your index finger. You let out a breath and forced yourself to look at your best friend, who was studying you curiously. “When Penny said I was going to ask someone to the ball, she was talking about you, not Barnaby. But then once I found you, I choked. I’m just really confused, and I didn’t want to ruin our friendship-” You stopped talking as you realized Charlie was now standing too, his face inches from yours.

“Same,” he admitted, and before you could say another word, his hand moved behind your neck and then he was kissing you, short-circuiting every thought in your brain. Your heart raced as you registered what was happening and began kissing him back, your hand gripping onto the material of his Weasley sweater for support. When you pulled apart, you were both breathing heavily. “Still confused?” he asked.

You pressed your lips together, fighting back a smile. Instead of speaking, you pushed yourself forward, kissing his soft, swollen lips again. They felt so good against yours, it made it hard to breath. When you pulled back this time, you shook your head in response, now unable to suppress the smile on your face. “No. You?”

Charlie shook his head too, returning your smile but still looking slightly embarrassed. “Sorry for being a jealous idiot.”

“It’s okay,” you said, chuckling as you reached for his hand and laced your fingers together. “But if you ever doubt our friendship again, I’ll be the one knocking you off your broom.”

Charlie laughed and squeezed your hand. “Deal.”

[soakedpaperhearts]

i don’t know what recovery is.

i can’t say for certain whether i’m in a depressive episode now or not. most days i can say that i’m definitely in a better place than i was last year, but that’s only my gut feeling. if i look at my life now, nothing’s really changed from last year other than the fact that i’m in a different country, i’m not with my family, and i’m going to uni. if i look at the similarities, i’m still not showering as much as i would like to, my laundry is a mess, and i’m pretty sure i’m binge eating when i actually remember to eat. i’ve started to cry again at small things for seemingly no reason. i cried when my gf told me i should shower. i cried when i saw the number for the 24/7 suicide hotline. i watch shows and read fanfic probably unhealthily to lose myself in other realities.

i can’t paint a straight line in my road of recovery. i like to say that i am getting better and i say it with confidence when someone asks me about my mental state but honestly i can’t say it with logic. i’m not a all-logic-or-nothing type of person because i do listen to my emotions and intuition. however, i can’t exactly pinpoint my progress because i don’t even have a diagnosis after 4 years of trying to battle my own illness - whatever it is.

i feel like my recovery was slowly getting better if i looked at it from a bigger picture but with every setback, i feel like i revert back to my depression days when i’m living an unhealthy lifestyle that isn’t sustainable. it just keeps getting more and more down and i don’t know how it ever turns around because it seems like it’s not going to this time. the psych said i didn’t look like i was having trouble with depression but it really feels similar to my first depressive episode. i know this isn’t as severe as that was because i remember crying in the bathroom at least once a day very hard, not eating anything, and generally being apathetic to life. i also usually pushed away the people close to me and didn’t want them around because i needed to be alone. in that sense, i guess it’s different now because i eat pretty regularly and a lot. even tho i cry i’ve only teared up a bit and it wasn’t violent sobbing. i still like doing my own thing but i can tolerate people in my space and even appreciate a bit of physical contact while we’re doing our own things. 

still, this mood isn’t like me. i’m feeling pretty ashamed that i haven’t been able to properly take care of myself and recently i don’t think i’ve been putting effort into maintaining my relationships. i’ve hardly spoken to my friend whom i know is having a rough time, i didn’t even think about it until my gf mentioned them. i’ve been avoiding my mother’s calls because i didn’t want her to see how much i didn’t take care of myself and make her worry. god i just cried when i typed that. i called her today but i didn’t even realize that i hadn’t called her for a long time until, again, my gf pointed it out to me. and i’m still crying. and just now my gf and i had a fight and i realized that i havent put in the effort that i usually do to smooth over the situation. in fact, i just perpetuated it. even as i sit here writing this i haven’t made any moves to try to make up with her and i’m just so, so tired.

i know recovery isn’t a straight line and if i give it a little introspection, i can see the minuscule progresses that i have made. i’m just having a little trouble coping with life right now and the people i usually fall back on, my family, aren’t really here and i don’t wanna worry them. i’m thinking about calling the suicide hotline just to have someone to talk to but my roommate and gf will hear me bc i’m in the living room. the only time i haven’t been feeling crushed by the weight of existing is when i consume media or lie my head on my cat. and i can’t even stay with my cat for long because she likes sleeping on a chair under the table and it’s really uncomfortable for me to stay there bc i have to sit on the floor and i can’t bring her to my bed because i’m pretty sure she’s only comfortable to sleep in the chair so i can’t move her but i can’t sleep by myself so i guess i’ll just stay awake all night.

maybe it’s internalized-ableism? i read that that was a thing and there was always this pressure to do something and be something and it actually kind of describes my experience? growing up in my school, UWC, and in Singapore, it was always a go-go-go let’s do-do-do- kind of mindset. you always had to think about your next step and make a plan and figure out what to do after. you had to keep going and never stop. the teachers were always finding ways to make you better, even if you were at the top. if you got satisfactory, it was a serious situation and you needed to improve. satisfactory wasn’t the average, and it was only spoken when you were worried about your grades.

i feel like if i’m not achieving something then i’m not worth anything. right now i’m just existing and even though that’s hard and i’m not accomplishing things that other people can, like laundry or organizing or working or homework or even going to class, i’m doing things that still matter like enjoying the media i consume and eating and giving myself some sort of interaction even if it’s just with a cat. i’m believe that i’m in a better place than i was last year. i really believe that even if i’m typing as i’m crying again.

i’m tired and exhausted from the overbearing pressure of just being but existing shouldn’t be a burden. even if my habits aren’t sustainable or productive, i’m still existing. i’m accomplishing something by just being alive. if the bar is set too high then change the bar. i choose to accomplish something today and even though i feel it was less than what i accomplished yesterday, that doesn’t invalidate my achievement today!

i know my memory is shit and i’m probably going to forget this very soon but i will focus on just existing for now. keeping myself alive seems like a doable task and as long as i keep doing that, i can try again tomorrow.

i can try again tomorrow because i am alive.

[milkyetoile]

Omg I just listened to David Tennant's podcast episode with Michael Sheen and honestly??? I feel so inspired, not just with me getting into acting but also with life in general.

With that said, I'll just go into a bit of a rant, excuse me for a bit. This is a personal rant so feel free to ignore lol

Also what happened to this app, I can't find the read more function anymore??? Sorry guys

I haven't been active over here much this month, my queue has finally run out whoops. Been busy with work plus acting workshop among other things. Honestly, I'm exhausted.

Especially now after assignments for class, the class itself, writing, watching a show, going to the cemetery with fam for grandma's death anniversary then having lunch...I've barely had time for myself or talking to friends properly, which is just horrible.

I'm glad to be finally doing what I'm passionate about with theater and all, but it's fucking exhausting having to do it on top of work that I honestly don't enjoy anymore but needing for the salary that actually lets me join workshops lmao it's a cycle

I should probably learn to prioritize properly about what I'm choosing to handle. As my acting teacher said, you have to be economical with your energy, and I'm quickly learning this is applicable beyond a performance.

I do love finally learning and being part of theater, as well as joining this amazing community of beautiful, passionate people. I find myself enjoying even the challenging parts of it in a way that I've never done for anything else in my life. I really think this is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I do wish I could focus on it, but I can't just do that with financial stability to think about and all, which is probably the sad reality for many people. It's frustrating, but I have to keep working for my own sake too.

But also really, it's just. It's exhausting, draining to learn and participate in the workshop plus having to deal with all of my classmates who were all strangers to me prior.

But I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.

We had this group exercise during first day where we're supposed to share about our experiences and expectations and what we think acting is for us. My groupmates had similar frustrations about not being able to do this thing that they've been passionate about for years. One of them had said acting for her was like coming home.

We all agreed. It just resonated with us so much. Honestly, I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Michael quoted someone, gosh I can't remember who and what exact quote, but he explained how in life, there's this fine line between surviving life and drowning, something to that effect. And we have to find these fragments that essentially make up our lifeboat, things that we like and excite us and keep us afloat. And I just found that so relatable and inspiring. It just resonated with me and how I've lived my life so far. And with me finding my passion in theater, it's like I haven't really lived until now.

I'm turning 29 tomorrow and I find myself just feeling grateful for what happened for the past year. It's been a year of self-discovery full of ups and downs, but it's been great.

And now I need to rest bc work restarts tomorrow. Good night!

[marystudies]

A LONG ASS LIST OF TIPS FOR HIGH SCHOOL: FRESHMAN TO SENIOR YEAR LETS GO

Disclaimer: This is just from my experience, so these might not all apply to you! 

Freshman Year

ok, ok, freshman year can be scary but don’t let that get to you

dont worry about upperclassmen being rude/teasing you 

it’ll most likely happen, but I’ve never seen an upperclassman tease a freshman with the intention to really hurt them

one day you’ll be them so dw

on the topic of upperclassmen, make some older friends!!! (through classes, sports, etc.) it’s so nice to have someone give you tips and help you through high school

dont expect your friend group to stay the same lol

BUT ITS A GOOD THING I PROMISE YOU

I was scared of changing my friend group, so even though I wasn’t being treated too well, it wasn’t until senior year when I really made a change and I wish I did it earlier

be open to meeting new people, everyone is scared just like you and looking for more friends

I don’t think its neccessary for freshman to become sUPER involved in clubs and all that but at least get a feel for whats out there

try out for a sport if you play one!

this goes for all of high school, not just freshman year, but I regret not being as involved as I could’ve been 

Go to school events like football games and dances! School spirit is considered weird in middle school but its cool in high school

take your classes seriously, your teachers are right - high school is much harder than middle school (but it’s not too bad if you stay organized!)

my freshman year GPA was my lowest like english really caught me off guard (properly formatted, 5 paragraph essays being 50% of your grade??? a concept.)

so my cumulative GPA was brought down

I think most freshman don’t have access to AP classes to boost your GPA or anything, but if you’re looking to push yourself take an honors class or 2! (if available)

Sophomore Year

wooohooo ur no longer a freshman

I’d take at least 1 AP class if you can

my sophomore year I took AP Human Geo - which I really loved, and it also wasn’t too hard

a lot of sophomores take AP World which is a BITCH of a class

BUT I wouldn’t recommend taking Honors World because you don’t get the GPA boost, you don’t get college credits (unless you take the AP Euro test or something), and it’s almost just as hard 

this is a bit random - but when you’re taking Algebra 2 (which was my sophomore year) PLS PAY ATTENTION math builds on itself don’t fuck yourself over

take the PSAT if you want (I honestly don’t remember if I took it freshman year too but eh), but seriously its not required

start thinking about college (I know it’s the last thing you want to do)

just little things like

when do I want to take the SAT/ACT?

would I like a small school or a big school?

What will I be able to put on my college applications?

like if you do community service through a club/church/etc then great!!! sports? YEs

can’t think of anything? Join a club! Try out for a sport (it’s not too late) Find something that interests you

you’re probably pretty situated socially now but never be afraid to get to know those classmates/”school friends” better! 

Junior Year

so junior year is commonly thought of as the hardest year of highschool

which is partially true (we’ll get there later)

but anyways, seriously buckle your seatbelt and get ready to work your ass off because THIS YEAR COUNTS, LADIES AND GENTS

Take AP classes if available

I took AP Psych (WOULD HIGHLY RECOMMEND) and Honors PreCalc (coming from regular Algebra 2)

Psych gave me college credit and a GPA boost

HPC gave me a GPA boost for UCs 

It was a bitCH of a class but it made AP calc a breeze 

If you haven’t started already, start prepping for SAT/ACT and then take them

tutoring is very helpful, but it can be expensive

I’ve seen studyblrs post about free prep through Kahn Academy and other stuff, so you might have to do a bit of digging but there are tons of resources out there

TAKE PRACTICE TESTS

take one of each first - then focus on the test you did better on 

one of my biggest regrets is taking SAT prep instead of ACT prep because my ACT (which I didn’t do specialized prep for) ended up equivalent to my SAT (which I did prep for)

the more you take em the better you get

Studyblr is gr8 for finding test taking tips

If you’re not happy with your score, just take it again! I only took each one once but most people improve their scores if they take it again

I recommend visiting a few universities when you’re on break! Get a feel for what you like and what you don’t like (size, location, public/private, etc) and what kind of school you could get accepted to

you don’t want to end up applying to a billion schools that you wouldn’t even want to go to

private schools like it when you express interest by visiting

so if you’re visiting, make sure you check in so you can be in their system 

END OF JUNIOR YEAR - ASK FOR LETTERS OF REC NOW! BY THE FIRST WEEK OF SENIOR YEAR A LOT OF TEACHERS ARE ALREADY TAKING ON TOO MANY LETTERS!

Senior Year (buckle up this section is the longest)

but YAY UR A SENIOR 

DO FUN SENIOR YEAR THINGS like my school has all kinds of events for seniors and it’s so great 

Remember when I said junior year is the hardest? Yeah well no... 1st semester senior year is SO MUCH WORSE ur in for a lot of fun

Ok seriously - don’t let senioritis get to you first semester

Still take challenging classes! Schools are looking for progression in difficulty

Those mid year transcripts REALLY DO MATTER! 

College apps, man

Make sure you’re communicating with your counselor to make sure you have everything ready and on track 

like file the FAFSA and CSS (used for lots of privates)

tbh I didn’t think it would help me a lot but it (the CSS) actually did so just do it even if you think you’ll get nothing

Ok so hopefully at this point you have a feel for what schools you are interested in

Things to consider: location, price, size, public/private, difficulty of the application, ranking, program/major you are applying to, campus, overall vibe

I didn’t do any interviews but maybe look into it

Don’t get too comfortable and set reasonable goals - apply to several safety schools, a few good options/could go either way schools, but also a few “reaches”

ESSAYS

I’m no college counselor, but don’t just wing your essays without having an adult/professional look over them

I got lucky - my mom is a professional writer so my family didn’t pay for a counselor

Do your research - you can find so much information about what schools are looking for in essays

If an essay is “optional” DO IT it’s really not optional lol

Keep in mind - these essays are nothing like what you’ve been taught. You don’t have to (and often SHOULDNT) write a 5 paragraph essay with topic sentences relating back to the thesis and evidence, etc. its much more free

think “What is the story I am going to tell?”

get creative - this is hard and takes some time

Think: How am I going to separate myself from thousands of applicants? What is a story that ONLY I can tell?

DO EARLY ACTION FOR AS MANY SCHOOLS AS POSSIBLE!!! 

such a relief to knowing you got in somewhere in like,,,, november

acceptance rates are higher for EA 

the order from highest to lowest is ED > EA > RD

Early Decision scares me (schools will say they give equal scholarship consideration but lol thats a lie) 

but if you have your heart set on a school go ahead

apply to other school just in case, you don’t want to get stuck starting all your apps when a lot of students have already turned them all in

Now that you’re done with applications (whew), the acceptances (and rejection) will start coming!! yay!

ok first for acceptances

those first acceptances are so cool like YAY YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE IM PROUD OF U

as soon as you get your first acceptances really start researching the school more and deciding if you’d REALLY want to go there or not

i know this is hard bc you haven't heard back from all your schools but it’ll make choosing a school so much easier

sadly, not all acceptances are happy tho

like I got accepted to my #1 school but they gave me no money so it was impossible to go

I was so emo for a couple days there

BUT! If you’re serious about it, try appealing for financial aid but keep your expectations low

ok now waitlists

these can be a bit nerve wracking

PLEASE apply for the waitlist right away

at some schools if you dont within a couple days, your application might get thrown out

aaaaand rejections

i dont have a lot to say about this but please dont be too hard on yourself

sometimes its just not meant to be and thats ok!

NOW PICKING A COLLEGE

def the most difficult and mentally draining part for me lol

make sure you really map out everything to consider

net cost (tuition, room & board, books, travel, personal expenses, etc.), size, location, etc.

I personally had this idea that I’d end up at a big school far from home but I’m going to a small school close to home and I’m still super excited!!! So make sure you give every school a second look 

APPLY FOR SCHOLARSHIPS!

the essays aren’t usually too bad and sometimes you can just rework your college app essays

you can find them online, your school might have some (like PTA scholarships, band scholarships, etc.)

ok this is the time everyone really gets senioritis

i almost didn’t get senioritis at all lol just because slacking off stressed me out

but please be smart about it dont get rescinded 

and lastly have fun! high school really does fly by, it’ll be over before you know it