#I can set you freeee

[peanut-butter-fox]

has anyone else been imagining (but not necessarily headcanoning) that Nori is the one singing eternal dream or is it just me

cause like

we don't know what her voice sounds like yet sooooo

[wisteriagoesvroom]

📚 10 f1 fics i've loved lately 🏎️

been thinking a lot about how to organise fic recs into some sort of sensible post, 'cus there are so many (great!) pairings and (delicious!) driver combinations, not to mention so many varying styles of fic and SUPER TALENTED WRITERS!!111!!

just gonna list a bunch in no particular order, with accompanying pics, so you can get a sense of the vibes.

'cus what is f1 rpf but all about the ✨ vibes?! 🏁

p.s. people are in this community making amazing stuff for freeee!! if you liked these please leave a kudos or a comment, it makes a writer's day 🫡 

let's gooooo--

objects in the mirror by linearity (@drivestraight) charles/max. 87k words (series), rated t then e

listen. LISTEN! charles to rbr is one of the best premises ever and i will read it in like a thousand iterations. but this fic. this fic series in particular cleared my skin, made me want to cut my hair into a bob out of sheer emotion. i would be remiss not to start with this one because its impact on my f1 rpf trajectory should be studied by science. you know when a story just jumps off the page and it's so real that it becomes your canon. a kind of meteoric inevitability. plus, i almost never cry at fics. but by the time the third act of this one hit, i just went -- damn, am i rly about to tear up at a f1 rpf fanfiction rn? (yes.)

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sawtooth by nottonyharrison (@nottonyharrison) charles/max. 40k words, rated e

max as a f1 engineer? for CARLOS at FERRARI? sign me the fuckkk up. first off, awesome premise. there's always going to be something so heartwrenching about "what ifs", especially in any universe where max isn't a racer. despite the change of circumstances, just... the sheer poetry of two characters who just inexplicably find their way to each other in any universe... 🤧 also this story nails racing scenes in a way that's so visceral, i feel like a fly on the damn halo with them. and, aside from the gourmet lestappen, carlos's whole thing in this fic is joyous! spicy! he's so unapologetic and vaguely annoying! hilarious! + the swimming pool scene lives rent-free in my head.

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salt skin by peachbellini (@strawberry-daiquiris) oscar/lando. 12k words, rated e

this fic is magic. literally and figuratively. (MERMAID LANDO???? MERMAID LANDO.) the kind of story that makes you gasp and melt a little bit. and made me want to throw my phone at the writer, 'cause it's really that good. the yearning, the metaphor for all that's monstrous, a boy who is lost (and the boy who he finds, is equally so). this is just beautifully written and a little quirky and so well executed. i think i put it in my bookmarks as "what if lando was a mermaid and it was filmed by a24" or something. pearl of a story.

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hockey!! shrimp colors :) by leafmeal0ne (@ocontraire) oscar/lando. 13k words, rated t

leaf meal one. i have only known you a week but if anything were to happen to you i would wreck everyone in the room including myself. in all seriousness, anything that leaf writes is brilliant. they're one of these writers who could do a throwaway line on the label of a ketchup bottle and i will probably scream about it. the precision, the way they switch up sentence structures, the freaking darcy-level regency yearning transposed onto a contemporary sports setting. i'd rec all of leaf's sports AUs and i'll probably talk about more in a future fic rec post. BUT. the hockeyyy one my GOD. the barely restrained violence, their mutual desire, the theme of finding your place... *wails uncontrollably*

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you almost unearthly thing by anonymous max/daniel, 3.7k words, rated g

max is a governess(govern..lad?) and daniel is the mystery man at the manor. this was a response to a request i made in the kinkmeme! (if you haven't read those fics go check 'em out, there are so many great ones, and not necessarily all rated e). this is a criminally underrated little story that has my favourite repressed feelings + people dancing around each other + gothic vibes + "what the hell is wrong with y'all in this tale" combo that i really adore. it's really well written and captures the atmosphere so well.

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the so-called narrative by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) oscar/carlos, 10k words, rated e

i'm once again asking why there are only 7 carlos/oscar works in the tag. I'M ONCE AGAIN ASKING-- *is sedated*. *jolts awake* okay but for real this is a great story. hot, fake-friendship-to-situationship which so happens is one of my favourite places to be. also hello miscommunication/they're so weird about it/they both want each other but can't express themselves for shit/insane racer boys energy.

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and silver, and samarium by pink_mink (@on-softs) george/toto, 5.2k words, rated e

i profess i am not usually the biggest fan of A/B/O (altho!! this fandom has made me go BUT ACTUALLY HM at least a few times). and this fic freaking nails it, along with the twisted power dynamics between TPs and drivers, as seen through the lens of omegaverse. this story rattles around my head like a stubborn ghoul just from the style and prose and sheer audacity alone. george kneeling at toto's knees while he's working..... ohhhhhhhhh i was this close to calling my lawyers.

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algorithm by anney (@badboy-george) charles/max, 16k words, rated e

i LOVE, LOOOOVE a sci fi concept alright. love that shit, will inhale it like moon dust with zero regrets. and what a fantastic one this one is!! the premise is that the FIA can now statistically show the compatibility of drivers on the grid and it's very pacific rim-y drift compatible, mixed with the surreal vibes of eternal sunshine or HER or some such. it should be outrageous, but it really works. that's the beauty of a great fic right there.

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trajectory of trojan asteroids by redpaint (@redpaint) nico/lewis, 3.3k words, rated g

also one of the fics i first read when i hopped on board the f1 rpf train. the pain and poignancy just gets worse the more i learn about brocedes. you know when you're like "there's no way this was reallll" and then you're like "fuck, it was so real". then you get a fic like this that just encapsulates all that rage and loss and grief and upset, set against the starry vista of endless space. *clutches tablecloth* god.

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p.s please bear in mind that these recs are entirely subjective! i enjoy loads of f1 stories but these are the ones that have especially stuck with me for some inexplicable reason.

p.p.s if your fic is on here and you want it taken off for whatever reason, i'm happy to, no questions asked 💛

BYE for now / until part 2. (i also love talking to ppl about fics so pls feel free to send an ask or hit me up in DMs or whatever.)

xoxo, -- wizz

[writer-komaru]

* ੈ✩‧₊˚ Aura of Temptations ᙏ̤̫’’ .(‘♡°༘,*)

✧Rating: Smut + Fluff + Comfort

✧Characters: Asmodeus

✧Word Count: 5’4k

✧Summary: You find yourself suddenly pulled into Asmo’s room for an all intensive pampering session after days of not sleeping or taking care of yourself. At first you blissfully believe he’s just trying to help, but you begin to pick up on some more sexual undertones. He uses the mask of pampering to cleverly hide his true intentions of getting to third base before his brothers using some of the tactics he’s all too good at. Can you resist his seductive nature or will you tangle yourself in his velvety spider web of pleasure and have his way with you?~ ♡

“Ughhh… finally, I’m done,” You groan in relief as you close the last heavy book and place it onto a tall pile of other books, “After three fucking hours… I’ve finally done it! I’m freeee!!”

You threw your arms into the air with a tired cheer, arching your back while you’re at it to ease the aching feeling in your back. You’ve been hunched over these dusty books for what felt like a century; reading them over, writing down notes, rereading them, writing more notes, and rereading once again just in case. This so-called “academic training” Lucifer is putting you through is really testing your mental and physical capabilities. If it wasn’t for Mammon sweet talking you into a “fun family study session” just to run off, leaving it to you to pick up his slack, you would probably be out enjoying the fresh, hellish air, living your best life. But it didn’t matter to you anymore! After pulling a few all nighters and stealing a few caffeine patches from Lucifer while he was busy yelling at Satan’s cat for scratching the curtains, you completed two essays on the history of magic in Devildom, a data sheet comparing the changes in climate to the local impact of the town, and a cross word filled with all kinds of buzz words related to human culture. Lucifer explained to you how these exercises would not only strengthen important studying, reading comprehension, memory, and information gathering skills needed in everyday life, but would also help you learn more about the unfamiliar place you’ve found yourself in. And no matter how hard you begged on your knees to get out of it, he only doubled down, stating clearly that if you couldn't complete a basic essay, there was no way you were fit to be their assistant. You had to bite your tongue to stop yourself from mentioning that the only tasks you have been given so far are either simple errands that require little to no brain power or basic chores you’ve already done religiously back in the human world. But once again, none of it matters now that you’re free! You quickly carry your finished work into his office and set it in the designated basket. After peeling off the caffeine patches and taking a nice, big, well deserved stretch, instead of being filled with joy once again, you’re filled with a sense of overwhelming discomfort.

“I feel I aged twenty years… guess I should just go to my room and hibernate for the next few years,” you laugh to yourself as you try to hobble back to your room. But suddenly, something stops you. You tilt your head in confusion at the strange aura coming from the stairs. After rubbing your delirious eyes, you stealthily hone in on the target, hiding strategically behind the various tables and pillars in the hallway. As you take a peek up the stairs you notice the aura seems to be coming from upstairs, trickling down the steps like an ominous cloud of smoke. What in the world could be going on up there? Isn’t everybody out taking a stroll around Devildom? At least that’s what Lucifer told you before ditching you… grrr, you’ll get him back one day. Him and Mammon, too! Anyways, back to the problem at hand. If the house should pretty much be left just to you, then what’s with all this strange aura stuff you’re seeing? You rub your eyes again, just to make sure your exhausted brain isn’t playing tricks with you, yet the aura is still there. Summoning all the courage you can muster, you carefully tip toe up the stairs. If it couldn’t get any stranger, after reaching the fifth step, the aura suddenly dissipates.

“What the…? It’s… gone?” You scratch the back of your head and shrug, “Guess it was nothing. I really need some damn sleep before I seriously start to hallucinate.”

Turning around, you begin to make your way back to your room. As soon as your hand wraps around the doorknob, you feel a sudden, light grasp on your shoulder.

“Ohh MC~ ♡” A voice draws out your name with a pleasing tone.

“GAAHHHHH!!!!” If it wasn’t for physics, you would have probably jumped 12 feet into the air. Your body spasms in surprise as you almost fall limply to the ground if it wasn’t for this mysterious intruder catching you.

“Oops! I guessed I scared you. I’m sorry, MC, hehe~♡ How did your studies go- AGHH!!!” Your tired eyes open just enough to watch Asmodeus’s face twist into a look of absolute horror, “Oh my God!! MC, You look like you haven’t slept or been outside in years!”

“I feel just as bad as I look right now…” You chuckle miserably.

“Oh my poor dear, don’t you worry! Asmo’s got you now. I’ll nurture you back to your sweet, adorable self in no time!~” He giggles to himself before sweeping you up in his arms and carrying you up stairs and to his room. The gentle yet firm hold is almost enough to make you fall asleep already. When your eyes blink open yet again, you’re greeted by the comforting atmosphere of Asmo’s gorgeous room. Such a welcoming sight… you feel your body carefully placed on a plush chair.

“Now, what to do, what to do… hmmm… ah! I have just the idea!” He exclaims and smooths a hand over your head, “I was actually planning on giving myself a pampering session today, but I think you might need it a bit more than me right now. Would you like that, MC?~ ♡” He smiled down at you and rubbed the side of your head.

“God, That would literally be so perfect… thank you so so much, Asmo,” You nod enthusiastically like a kid who’s offered a mountain high pile of toys.

“That’s great to hear~ ♡” his thumb brushes over your cheek for a few seconds before he leans even closer.

“The bath will take a few more minutes to fill up. Is there anything specifically you want me to do to pamper you?” You feel his body hover over yours, whether it’s intentional or not is beyond your mental capacity.

“I’m up for anything, really. Just something that will help me relax,” you sighed, looking up into his eyes to catch the faint glint in his eyes.

“That can certainly be arranged, no worries. I’ll do everything I can to make you feel nice today after working on all those assignments for Lucifer. Mmm, maybe you even deserve a small kiss? Hehehe, I’m just kidding~ unless you want one?” He inches his face closer to yours, laughing softly at the blush it’s beginning to develop.

“Blushing already?~ ♡” he teases.

“You’re… really close, is all,” you murmur and look away. You gasp slightly as he grabs your chin and turns you to look at him again.

“Is that really all…?~” his warm breath brushes against your skin. What was he up to… before you could get even more overwhelmed, you gently pushed him back by the shoulders.

“A little too close. Aren’t you supposed to be taking care of me, not doing… whatever this is,” you try to laugh it off but in reality your mind is racing a mile a minute.

“You’re right, my bad~ The bath should probably be ready now. There’s just one more thing left to do…” Your sleepy eyes snap open as his hands rest on your waist. He notices your reaction and softly shushes you.

“Shhh~ You’ll let me take care of you, right? In your state, I doubt you could do this on your own without falling over. May I do the honors?~ ♡” he asks with a sickeningly sweet voice that has your body strangely getting hotter. Well… he was kinda right. You wouldn’t be surprised if you toppled over just trying to stand up. He just wanted to do you a favor, and yeah, being undressed would probably be really embarrassing, but if it meant you got your needs taken care of, maybe I will be a worthy sacrifice.

You once again gathered your courage and nodded as a sigh of consent, “Yeah… just don’t get frisky or I’m telling Lucifer.”

“You have my word, even if it will be a bit hard to resist~ ♡” he chuckles softly as his fingers dip under the waistband of your shorts. There’s a certain look in his eyes, one that seems to read ‘Sit back and relax, I’ll pamper you to your heart’s content~’ but that might be what he wants you to know… either way, you couldn’t help but let out small whimpers as he slides your shorts off your ankles.

“Mmmm… these are quite pretty~♡ I’ll keep on for now,” his hungry eyes fixate on your exposed panties. Just as you’re about to swat and push him away, you sense something. That aura from before, you can feel it again, clear as day. Was that aura… coming from him all along? There’s no doubt in your mind he’s the source of it. But why? What could it be? While you’re busy deciphering the strange aura, you fail to realize your shirt is already off and folded off to the side. You come back to reality as he whispers in your ear.

“You look absolutely gorgeous like this, it’s getting a lot more difficult to restrain myself… but I can tell you’re slowly feeling the same way too, am I correct?~ ♡” he giggles devilishly.

“What do…” you don’t even have to finish that question as you feel his touch return to your sides, ever so lightly sliding up and down. The touch causes you to shiver.

“Mmm? Are you a bit sensitive, hon?” He asks in an innocent voice as his fingertips trail down to a much less innocent area. You have no idea what he’s up to but it could be sleep deprivation or the building needs pooling inside of you, whatever it is, you feel your self restraint easing away. Your face felt progressively hotter, your breathing becoming more shallow, the obvious hint begging the poor spot between your gets growing needier by the second.

‘Come on, brain! I know you’re almost dead, but please let me use a few more brain cells!’ You pleaded to yourself, ‘Think, MC, Think! Use Lucifer’s teachings as an example. What does it have in common? The aura is caused by Asmo… these symptoms happened after his touch… and… he’s the Avatar of…? That’s it!’

“Asmo, are you trying to sedu-“ before you could even admit your findings, he suddenly lifts you up into his arms once again.

“We better hurry before the bath overflows!~ ♡” Such a beautifully innocent expression… he’s hiding something, that’s for sure. You just have to stay conscious a little longer and… your breath is completely taken away as you enter his oasis of a bathroom. It looked like something you’d only see in magazines. Magnificently smooth marble pillars, cascading, translucent curtains tied back with pink roses, intricate patterned tiles all surrounding the main centerpiece of the bathroom. The bath. And it was nothing short of luxurious. It was decked out with foamy bubbles and scattered with pink rose petals. You pause for a few seconds to take in the senses around you. There’s faint, jazzy music playing from a small speaker on a vanity, the unique scent of what you could only describe as hints of strawberry and vanilla, and the soft gurgling of steamy water filling the tub. He glances over at your fascinated expression and chuckles in amusement. He steps closer to the bath and sits you down at the edge.

“Does that cute expression mean you like it?” He reaches over and turns off the tap. All you can manage is a nod, which is enough to satisfy him.

“One moment, let me prepare everything I’ll need to make you feel like your refreshed self again,” he walks over to the vanity and begins taking some things out of the draws. The moment apart gives you the chase to finally breathe. There’s something about him right now that’s both overwhelming and exciting, it’s honestly rather intiscing, but you’d never admit that. You begin to regain your ability to have rational thought. He’s definitely up to something and using his aura and physical advances to accomplish it. You gulped nervously. If his aura really is what you think it is, you don’t know how much longer you’ll be able to resist it. And if the rest of the guys even just find out about the fact he undressed you, you’d never hear the end of it. You jump as Asmo happily strunts back to you, laying a tray of numerous goodies on the edge of the bath. You whine internally as all your rational thoughts seem to go back out on vacation, right when you needed them most.

“Hon, can you look into my eyes for a second?~” His alluring voice causes your dilated eyes to meet his equally, if not even more, dilated eyes. Everything about this felt like a fever dream…

“I know it���s all going pretty quickly for you, but I want to pause for a moment to ask for your permission to take the rest off. I’ll only do it if you want me to,” his voice has a new sense of worry in it that has your heart skipping a beat. This is your chance, you can finally confront him on his sneaky actions! You can remind him how upset everyone would be with him for seeing you in nothing but your bra and panties. But instead… you say, “Yeah… I want that.”

His gaze is unwavering, searching for any major signs of appreciation. After a few seconds, he relents and returns to his cheeky smiling self.

“Thank you for this opportunity… I definitely won’t take it for granted~ ♡” He leans over you and runs his hands in circles over your hips. This tease, it’s like he could read you like a fucking picture book. How did he know your hips were sensitive? How did he know you always shiver when he whispers into your ears? How did he know the effect his prolonged gaze on your body has on your heart? Oh, he wasn’t just a tease, he was the Avatar of Lust. He knew how to get people worked up and he was clearly exploiting his knowledge to use it against you.

“Mmph!” You bit your lip to hold back your noises as he began to pull down your panties. Was this really happening? Was this even okay? You felt like you were at a boiling point. If he caught even a glimpse at the absolute mess you were down there, you’re absolutely sure his little teasing game would only get worse. And worse it did.

“Wooowww~ ♡ look at that…” He licked his lips at the strings of liquid desire that clung from your aching cunt to the wet spot left in your panties. If humiliation was a grain of samd, you were a fucking desert right now. You whined in embarrassment but couldn't hold back how your pussy twitched.

“You’re even wetter than I could have ever hoped you’d be… mmmm… and how you keep twitching, I think you like this too. What a naughty girl you are… ♡” he kisses your cheek and traces a finger down your lower stomach, “but, I like that about you~ ♡”

Just as his finger gets mere inches away from your swollen clit, he feels your hips twitch away. He smirks and takes his hand away.

“Your gorgeous body almost made me forget why I brought you here~ Silly me, can’t have this getting wet, either~ ♡” you gasp as he lips your bra and sets it to the side. When he looks back over at you, he sees your hands desperately trying to cover your breasts. He finds it both amusing and adorable.

“Go ahead and slide into the bath. Tell me if it’s too warm or cold for you and I’ll adjust the temperature if needed,” he gives you a playful wink as you turn your back to him and hop in the bath. As soon as the warm, soapy water envelops your skin, you’re unable to suppress your moan in time. How could you not, this water felt incredible to your poor, sore muscles and aching body. You let your body rest against the edge as the intoxicating smell made you dizzy.

“Ahhh… hah….” You panted.

“Does it feel good?~ You definitely look like you’re enjoying yourself. Mind if… I join?~ ♡” You heard his sultry voice whisper in your ear as he joins you in the bath. You glance over at him. He’s… he’s n-naked too? As if this situation couldn’t get any more lewd, he sits down in front of your spread legs.

He strokes your cheek softly, “Your mind looks like it’s not quite here… how cute. ♡ I think you’ve waited long enough for your promised pampering. Just sit back and relax~ You’re in capable hands~ ♡”

That’s the last thing you remember hearing from him as your exhausted brain finally takes a well needed break, just for a while. You have just enough consciousness left to feel the numerous amounts of face masks, creams, rollers, and much more he uses on you. Compared to his touch from before that was practically quaking with desire, his touch now was a lot more gentle and loving. He fussed over each and every detail of your face mask, adjusting them to fit your face perfectly. Sooner or later, he began to soak some rich soap into your messy hair and gently scratch at your scalp. It felt so nice to be taken care of, to be loved after putting yourself through hell and back. You weren’t surprised in the slightest when you opened your eyes to see him presenting you a cup of tea. Did you just… fall asleep?

“Good morning, darling. You fell asleep while I was washing your hair so I decided to give you a break while I made you some tea. It should give you back some of your missing entertainment,” he set the teacup in your heads and rubbed a hand over your shoulder, “I know this has been a lot for you, so please take it easy. I wouldn’t wanna push you past your comfort zone,” he cooed sweetly.

You didn’t even realize how thirsty you were until the tea slipped down your throat. It tasted wonderful, like a flurry of peaches and mint. It wasn’t long until you finished the whole cup and sat it down on the tray with the leftover supplies.

“Heheh, good. How do you feel? A little less tired, I hope?” He soothed.

“Mhm… yeah, I’m feeling a lot better, actually,” you rub the sleep from your eyes.

“That’s wonderful, I’m glad~ now that you’re awake, it might be time to move to the main event~ ♡” he chucked.

“Main event…? What d-does… that mean?” You shivered, fainting innocence.

“Well, how can I call this a true pampering session until I give you… a little bit of a massage, hm? Would that feel nice on all your aches and pains?” His tantalizing touch drifted all the way from your shoulders to down on your thighs, “I’m assuming your body has been aching for some touch for quite a while, hasn’t it?”

Your breathing grew more and more uneven as his aura filled your mind with a desire… a desire for him. For his touch, “yeah… I… I feel strange...”

“Oh? Strange how? Does it hurt?” He hum’s curiously as his thumbs massage the muscles of your thighs.

“N-no, it... Aghh…you… you know what it is…” You look away out of embarrassment from his blatant teasing.

“Mmm? Could it be… a need, of sorts? ♡” His thumbs circle over your inner thigh.

“Hahh… agh… yeah… like… a need… a strong need,” you felt your pussy fluttering around nothing as his touch only got closer, “why… are you… doing this…?”

“It’s simple… It's because I love you, hon. More than anything I can name… more than I can even understand. I have this urge inside of me whenever I see you. It wants you, all of you. And now…” a strange pink smoke begins to swirl around him as his eyes glow brightly, “I get you all to myself~ ♡” You watch helplessly as he sprouts wings and horns, grinning sinisterly at you. Your breather quickens as he more roughly squeezes your thighs just to hear you whine. He leans in, so close you might just lose your mind, “I know how badly you need me too. I can practically smell it~ want me to help you? Relieve that desire that’s burning under your skin?~ ♡”

His dirty words made you whine. There’s no way you could resist him, not in this form. You’ll just have to deal with the problems later because right now you just want this demon in front of you to do whatever he wants with you.

“I think I know a certain spot that’s been begging for my attention ever since I saw those cute panties~ ♡ let’s see if I can fix that…” his wild eyes look below the crystal clear water as his delicate fingers spread your pussy wide open. Your shift around uncomfortably at being so open to the water swirling around you. As soon as you feel the sinful press of his pointer finger and middle finger against your clit, you stifle a moan and twitch your hips eagerly.

“Oh, someone’s excited, hm? Is it because of me… or maybe the spell I’ve cast on you? ♡ Maybe both~” he giggles to himself.

Spell? Is that what all the aura was- Your train of thought vanishes completely as his fingers rub small circles against your swollen bud.

“Nghh… ahh.. oh fuck….” You whine as you pussy clenches even more. It already feels like so much, but you so desperately wanted to beg for some stimulation to your cunt too. Your wish would soon be granted as you feel his two fingers slide down to your cunt and rub it up and down, making sure to continue rubbing circles on your clit with his thumb.

“Is that better?~ Even in the water I can feel how slick you are. You must like this a lot, hm? Hehe, I don’t think I even need to ask~ ♡” his fingers slowly and carefully pushed inside your twitching hole.

“Aaghhh… f-fuck… oh god, Asmo.. agh…” you’re reduced to a whining, shivering mess as his fingers explore the insides of your pussy. And they were so talented too. They immediately knew the exact gummy spot inside of you to rub to make your eyes roll back. It just felt too good, you couldn’t do anything but moan and twitch. You wanted more but you were also scared of what more would feel like. His wrist started to quickly flick his fingers in and out of your trembling pussy, jabbing right against your g-spot and pressing harder on your clit. You felt like your body wasn’t even your wit control anymore, you were totally at his mercy.

“Mmmphhh… you’re clenching on me so tightly, and it’s so warm~ ♡ I could just do this forever…” he sighed dreamily as his motions sped up. How could he keep such a relaxed face while you were fucking fighting for your life? It felt like your senses were on fire, like your cunt was ready to cum at any second.

“Ready to cum so early? Hehe, I don’t blame you, I’m quite good at this. After all, I’m the Avatar of Lust. I can make you feel things no other demon can ever dream of making you feel. Hehehe~ ♡ How about I make a deal… I’ll let you cum as many times as you want if you chose me and only me instead of my brothers. How about that? Doesn’t that sound fantastic~ ♡♡”

It does sound rather tempting, but you could care less about deals right now. The only thing you want is to cum, cum around his skilled fingers. If that meant being his forever, then that’s just a plus.

“Aaghh p-please… I’m yours, only yours. Please Asmo, I need to cum so badly… I can’t hold it much longer..” you cried out.

He smiles devilishly, “Perfect answer, my love… go on, let go of everything and release all that cum for me…♡ cum for your demon~ ♡”

The final thread of restraint snaps as you moan desperately, squeezing on his fingers so good he feels his dick twitch in anticipation.

“Aghh… hahhh… oh god… that… that was amazing… felt amazing….” You heaved in between each word as you lay limp against the edge of the bath. The post orgasm bliss felt like heaven but it was quickly ripped away from you as Asmo’s fingers contributed to thrust you open.

“Gah, w-what, n-no hurts please, please no more… Aghh…” it didn’t take long for the pain to melt into mouth watering pleasure as he stimulated your poor little clit over and over again.

“Mmm I think you’re pretty much ready to take me now… that is if you wanna. I can keep fingering you if that’d make you feel best, cutie~” he playfully licked the outer shell of your ear.

Even though his fingers felt like heaven, you could only imagine how good his dick would feel. Would it feel even better? Oh you just had to give it a try~ You lean back and wrap your legs around his waist.

“Hehehe someone’s eager, huh? Aghh… I’ll try to be gentle… just don’t squeeze too hard or else I might break that promise~ ♡” He snickered as he lifted your hips up and angled his throbbing dick to your overstimulated cunt. You mind raced with ideas of how big he could be but as soon as you felt his head rub against your entrance you could already feel your legs beginning to give out. He’s… pretty big…

He smirked at the worry in your eyes, “Are worried I’ll hurt your tight little cunt or I’ll make you feel so good you won’t be able to get off without my dick?~ ♡ just i’ll have to figure it out as me go~ ♡” without very much of a warning, you felt the head slip in past your entrance to right against that sweet spot of yours. And holy fuck we’re you enjoying it. Even though he warned you, he was too big, you had no choice but to squeeze him like your life depended on it.

“Aaghhh… p-please sweetie, loosen up or else I can’t go deeper… damn it I wanna fuck you so bad… ♡” he grit is teeth in agony and pleasure. He brought a quick finger to your clit and gave it some deep rubs, thankfully coaxing a moan out and letting you loosen up for him a little. His hips snapped forward again and again and again, each time he made sure to hit your g-spot straight on.

“Aaaagghhh Asmo I can’t I can’t it’s too much!!!~” you wailed as you felt another orgasm approaching.

“My dear please… you’re squeezing so fucking hard you’re going to… drive me crazy!~ ♡♡” he dug his nails deep into your plush hips and thrusted into you at such a fast rhythm it left you right at the edge.

“Aghhhh I’m going to break… s-slow down, my pussy is going to die!!!~” you cling onto the mable for dear life as the demon drilled into you from behind. It felt so lewd but it also felt like heaven~ yet you still needed more, “pleaseeee Asmo I’m begging you I need more!~”

“Still need more?~ ♡ can’t wait to get to that edge?” He teased in your ear with a chuckle.

“Pleaseeee I’d do anything please make me cum again~” You cried out, unable to even process the words fully before they left you mouth.

“I.. agh… think I got just the idea.. brace yourself… for the might of the avatar of lust~ ♡” He stayed thrusting into you even faster but that wasn’t the main focus. No, because when you began to feel a strange vibration sensation emerge from his dick, tremouring right against your cervix you were just wailing, you were screaming.

“Oh gods, oh gods this can’t be real… asagghhhhhhh!!~ why is it vibrating so hard?!!~ how.. how is it even doing that?!!” You didn’t know if you were more scared or excited by this new discovery. All you knew is your pussy was twitching like crazy against the sinful vibrations wracking through his clock and right against your sensitive walls and clit.

“The avatar of lust has more than a few tricks up his sleeve to make just about anyone come undone on my dick~ ♡ you’ll find out soon enough if you’d like, hon~ ♡ Ahh… just… let me fuck that tight pussy nice and hard~ ♡” your back arched on command as he growled in your ear. Moans and grunts left your lips like a constant prayer, it’s just too fucking good, way more than a human like her should be able to handle. That was until Asmo finally snapped and flipped her around so ass was in full display for him. She didn’t even bother asking what was going on, just moaning and begging for more of his vibrating dick. He mounted her and quickly remained fucking her pussy into oblivion. The change of position allowed him to directly assault her poor, poor absurd cervix. Each snap of his hips against her ass sent electricity straight to her pussy which was dying to cum from all the extreme vibrations.

“Aaghhh Ahh Ahh AGHHH AGHHH!!~” Her moans grew louder and louder as she got closer to cumming, “I’m close so fucking close please just ruin me-“ suddenly, there was a series of stomping footsteps and opening and slamming of doors. They were all home already?! Shit, why now!? Right when you’re on the brink of one of the best orgasms in your life!! As you turned around to give Asmo a sad look, you were greeted with a smirk. Don’t tell me. His thrusts went faster and faster and faster until the water started to splash out of the bath and onto the floor.

“Waaaittttt we're gunna get caught aaghhhh!!!~” your eyes roll into the back of your head.

“Don’t matter to me… I’ve been aching for sex with you for way to damn long to stop now~ ♡ Come on, give them a nice loud moan~ let them know who you belong to~ tell them who fucks you’re beautiful, tight pussy the best!~ ♡” He bends your back into a perfect arch, only applied by the intense lust magic he forces into you.

“Aaaagghhh!~~ AAAAGGHHHHHH ASMOOOOOOO DOESSSS!!!~” You released a loud scream as you came yet again, shivering pathetically. Your eyes screwed together as his passion fucking didn’t even hesitate. You were losing your damn mind and basking in it.

“Let’s keep going… until we finally get caught~♡” he laughed wildly, clearly getting drunk off your pussy. But you were just as drunk off of his dick too.~ You nodded in agreement and continued moaning like he’s rearranging your guts. It felt so good, so, so deliciously good. You never wanted this to stop.

Sure enough, the door creaked open, revealing the first unlucky person to witness the lust-filled display that the two of them were putting on. Their jaw dropped open at the sight of a wildly out of control Asmo practically bending you in half and slamming into you at such a furious pace you just couldn't stop cumming. His erotic magic surged through your veins as you kept shouting, moan after moan, dirtying the water with your combined cum. Your face was permanently twisted into a lewd expression as you felt your whole body alight in a constant explosion of pleasure from his none stop fucking and overwhelming magic.

“Agaghhhhhhhhh~” You sobbed out in bliss.

“If… you want us to stop… you’re going to have to kill me~ ♡” Asmodeus flashed the intruder a spine chilling death stare and groaned in pleasure as he plunged in deeper.

Reblog + Like + Comment if you wanna see even more obey me or Asmo in specific posts (hehehehe I had a lotta fun writing this I’m such a simp for asmo I hope I did him justice <3)

(I’ve been writing for like 8 hours with no hours of sleep I think I might take a break tomorrow. I’ll make a poll for my next post in a few days or so, I need to recharge)

[guqin-and-flute]

Hi! It's been a few days, how are you recovering from surgery? About that writer to writer question, it was something along the lines of, what do you do when you know what you want to write and the place you want to get to but words are simply not coming in and it seems the goal is just so unreachable? - 🪼

HELLO

I'm actually doing so well; I just got my tape and compression wraps officially taken off today and I feel so freeee ☁ Thanks for asking!!

Ohhh boy, that old chestnut. Usually, with me, that means I've gone slightly awry somewhere. If the sentence doesn't automatically lead to the next thing but I know all the steps in the middle, it means something small went wrong--a response to something, someone's phrase, even their place in the room.

I would reread the last few paragraphs and ask yourself a few questions: is this what they would say or what I would say? Would they know enough to respond this way? Am I adding in unnecessary conflict? Am I taking out character driven disagreement? Is there a difference between what I WANT to happen and what NEEDS to happen to get to my goal?

There's been a few times when I've been like 'hehehe more conflict >:)' and the story has screeched to a halt and said, 'if you do that, you cannot get to the place you want to go with the characterization you want to keep'. That always sucks, but you can save those scenes/interactions that didn't work for later times or even other stories!

Other things to consider/do to get a stronger throughline/current through the scene;

-Can I skip the problem scene and get to where I'm going with minimal description? Am I getting bogged down by dialogue that doesn't actually add anything new?

-Should we be moving? Would changing scenes by leaving the room, starting a new action, or finishing a task inject some life? Is this where it should be happening? Have we been here too long or often? Run a couple of different potential settings through your head and see if one of them catch you as adding to the scene instead of just being the backdrop.

-How can the setting and sensations around the characters reflect or juxtapose the scene in a helpful way? A growling thunderstorm can add extra tension; a pleasant smell can remind someone of past happy times and relieve their annoyance with a sigh; warm sunlight can have someone pause and soak in the moment, allowing for some space giving descriptors; pinching armor can be someone's last straw and they just have to get OUT of it

-Pay attention to line length; a few long sentences in a row? Chuck in a couple fragments. Other way around? Meander a bit.

-Have there been many lines of uninterrupted dialogue? Describe something relevant; a sensory experience of emotion, someone's expression or body language, a change in the scene around them--distant door closing, someone passing so they have to pause

-On the flip side, when was the last time we had a break from exposition/description/internal monologue and have something happen in the physical sphere of things.

-Do a quick writing exercise of someone else's POV of the scene. Are you making sure that people are doing things that make sense for them to do or what they have to do for the plot to make sense. Especially try this if there's a person causing trouble for the protag--no one thinks of themselves the villain. Why are they acting like this? What do they want from this scene?

[demoninthecorner1]

Watch as I imitate the summoning call of a murder drones fan.

*ahem*

"CAN YOU SET ME FREEEE-"

[missamyrisa2]

How would you tickle a silly boy who loves being heavily verbally teased the whole time and is veeeeery very ticklish between the toes? Absolute death spot but loves it

Maybe it's not what you have in mind but a cute boy with ticklish toes susceptible to teases? It's summerrrrr~ and you neeeed to be buried in the sand yes you doooo~ because with your adorable little toes sticking out I can just relax and flip my hair aside and tease and cooooo at your wiggly helplessness ~ particularly as anyone who walks by gets to enjoy our little fun. Mmhmmhmmmm just inspecting these toesies and soles with my fingers gliding up each wrinkle and my thumbs rubbing under them toes~

Ooh yes scrunch and crunch your toes darling, I'm sure you'll break freeee but if you can't I'm afraid we'll just seeee how many feathers I can set up between each toe. Coochie cooo giggle boy, here's the first one, going between your big toe and index toe. Yesss, glide that feather innnn and now the next oneee mhmmm tickle tickle. Ticklish toes. Good thing we're here with an unlimited supply of feathers huh? All these feathers? Tickle tickle? Right between the next toes and oooh the little toes get a liiiitle feather! Now don't moooove don't you dare drop one of those feathersss! I'll just tickle you more~

I'll tickle you more yes I will. You're a cute sassy teasyyy boy walking around with those toes. Who said you could have them ticklish cute toes huh? You know what I do with teasyyy boys like youuu? I make you sing ~ I make you squirm and I make you screeeam! Nowww your other fooot is gonna get something special mmhmm. No offense to the right, but the left foot is my faviee probably because I'm a lefty. And oooh did you notice my braid? My loooong blondish braid. I'm kind of a dirty blonde but don't call me dirtyyyy and it gets sooo golden in the summer and the best part of a braid is the little tip~!

You seee you twine the hair like rope and at the end, right past this fuzzyyy tie, is the braid tip. And oooh! Look what happens when I dip it in water. Now I can twistttt it up like soooo and ahhh yesss a perfect built in tickle toooool. A softtt feathery spike I can draw over allll your wrinkly solesss. Does that tickle? does it tickle tickle my darling boyyy? Coochie cooooo cutie pie, laugh it uppp because we're not stoooopping. Ooh I think people are getting jealous that I get to tickle you ~ I've got you alll to myself mhmmm tickle mama has you boy and she's not letting you gooo noooo~

And now we take this braid and weave it throughhhh your toes. Over ~ under ~ over ~ and you guessed itttt, under! Ahh yes my soft hair betweeeen the toess and now I can use the tip to stroke and poke and play with your cute toes. And that fine tip is sooo perfect to get that rare tickle spot right at the edge of your toenails. Mmhmm no one expects that spottt but I knowww about it! Ticklish toes! Ticklish toenails! Silly boy. You just can't not laugh can ya? Can ya? You're a messsss darling ~!

Alright, let's make you sing. Let's see what you can do for this crowd. We'll take the braid out, take out the feathers and now it's thumbs. Allll thumbs for you babydoll, rubbing endlessly under your toessss ~ the breeze and little bits of sand reallly get you that tickly texture huh? Nope nope nope not stopppinggg nott stoppping ~ I'm your tickle bully now and we're not quitting until ticklemama is satisfied. Coochie coochie coooo!! Over and over we goooo you can scrunch and wiggle alllll youuuu like I'll just tickle you more! I'll tickle you moreeee! Ha ha ha ha~ you're buried and I'm not you silly boyyyy you're getting tickled and I'm notttt ~ how does that feeeel? Making such squeaky silly sounds alll from a little girly tickling on your toesssss~

You just wait until I tunnel to that tummyyyyy and get your face toooo ~ we'll seee exactly how giggly of a silly boy you are~!

[bovinewriter]

Just wanted to say this about your fic... THANK YOU SO MUCH AUGHHHGH LIKE SERIOUSLY OH MY GOD YOUR FIC IS AMAZINGGGGGG KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING CAUSE ITS REALLY GOOD THE DIALOGUE AND THE TPOH REFRENCES AND JUST EVERYTHING SO BEAUTIFULLY MIXES TOGETHER SO NICELY, I'D LOVE TO READ MORE AND I GOTTA SAY your parody chapter? AUGH IT WAS SO GOOD LIKE EXCELLENT REFRENCES AND IT FELT SO PERFECTLY FIT IN LIKE A REAL SMG4 EPISODE LIKE GAWD ITS GOOD TO FINALLY READ A GOOD FIC AND ENJOY IN THE MORNING TO WAKE UP MY MIND TO, LIKE SERIOUSLY THANK YOU

I used to be cringe and think that oc x Canon wouldn't work well but you proved me wrong! And now I can BE FREEEE, can't wait to read more!

I CURED YOUR CRINGE AND INFECTED YOU WITH A DIFFERENT, BETTER CRINGE, YOU'RE WELCOME!

HOLDS OUT MY HAND, WE CAN ALL BE CRINGE... TOGETHER!

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!! These are like some of the best compliments I've gotten about it and i greatly appreciate it you have no idea.

MAN I LOVE WRITING!!! ESPECIALLY IF I CAN MAKE IT FEEL LIKE AN ACTUAL EPISODE! That's kinda what I'm aiming for a lot of the time (obviously excluding chapters that are, you know, deadass set in an episode already.)

Also, I'm about halfway or so done with the current chapter I'm working on. Hopefully I can get it done by the weekend but we'll see. I can't promise things due to my unpredictable motivation.

And once again thank you for this

Me when I get messages like these

[paloma-ascends-into-hellfire]

You 🫵 chucked 🤮 me 🙋‍♀️ out 📩 like 👍 I ❕ was ⌛ trash 🗑️ for 4️⃣ that 👉 you 🫵 should ⚖️ be 🐝 dead 💀 but 🫸 bUT 🍑 BUT 😀 then ⌛ it ❓ hit 🎯 me 🙋‍♀️ like 👍 a 🅰️ flash 📸

what if high school went away instead?! those assholes are the key! they’re keeping you away from me! they’ve made you blind, messed up your mind, but i can set you freeee!!!

[shinebrightlikeanarwhal]

Hear some angst for you because i can:

Sal used to wonder how he never had to go shopping often since Dani liked sweets and would kinda eat a lot. And those burns on the palms of Aelita’s hands concerned him aswell.

From Dani, he learned that their mom used to be so hard on Aelita because she thought she was always trying to steal her boyfriend, so she would make fun of her for her weight, treating her like competition.

Once, Aelita forgot to make her food and the only thing they had was tea and eggs. Out of pure anger that there wasn’t any sausage, their mother dumped the boiling water on her hands, leaving a permanent burns.

So she doesn’t eat much and is always covering herself when she’s around Travis because she is afraid Sal will think like her mother.

-Sunny

You like to make these poor bbies suffer ;0;

Set them freeee let them be happy sunny pls

I know Travis would bond with the abusive parent part of this, but Sal would be more on the physical deformity/body positivity front. As I know the scaring would cause Aelita a lot of insecurities and trauma. Sal understands that better than anyone.

Dani over eats from trauma while Aelita under eats. So both Travis and Sal try to work on getting them to eat regularly. (Danni def over eats to the point of sickness because of food insecurity.)

Especially since Travis prefers to cook for them. Aelita doesn’t have many chores aside from her own designated space chores (cleaning her room, bringing her laundry to the laundry room). They never get more tasks than that.

I just know Travis wouldn’t hesitate to swing on Aelita’s mom for the shit she put his poor baby through. He would absolutely rip her in half.

[teddybeartoji]

THE TIME HAS COME (🤨🤨🤨) I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS READY FOR ANYTHING IN MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE

i have my tea i am comfy in my bed and i will go insane. i already know that this is gonna be really dumb but i think i've already made it rather clear that when i get excited i also get really stupid so yk you've been warned!!!! i do wanna apologize for taking a minute on this but I PROMISE THAT THIS WAS ON MY MIND EVERY SINGLE DAY MY SWEET SWEET ARI i love you

and a knight.  (or… a wolf?)

YEAHHHHHHHHHH off to a great start already i'll have you know i will not be normal about any of this every single line will get a yell out of me and you can only blame yourself okay

so i've been reading for exactly two minutes and i have tears in my eyes THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE EVERYTHING MAKES ME WANNA BAWL MY EYES OUT and i think i mean that in a good way. it's diabolical really.

and there’s a knight, just ahead, tall and imposing, covered in steel from head to toe. holding a blinding sword, facing the sky, doing nothing to stop the pitter patter of raindrops ricocheting off his burganet. you stand by the entrance of the woods, and watch him in silence.  he looks a little lonely. 

the way i could see him so clearly in my head aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i just immediately thought of his eyes too.... like the glimpse of his wolfish dark purple eyes peeking from underneath his helm.... you didn't even write about them but i just.... yeahh

they run in circles around each other, like the sun and the moon, an orbit of violence, matching their steps. almost in harmony — almost, but not quite, because suddenly they’re closing in on you, great and ugly, beasts wearing different hides, and —

fuck off i love this soo so much already it sets the tone for this so fucking well big dreamy sigh ari i'm letting out a big dreamy sigh

”and a guy… he was cool.” 

hashahshahsah i already know that i'm gonna love this reader this is so cute imagine seeing a knight and then just going cool and now imagine me fucking saying that as if I DON'T SAY THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME WHAT

the woods you long for. the ones you’ll never get to see up close. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAA BEING A ROYALTY AND BEING STUCK IN A STUPID CASTLE WHEN ALL YOU WANT TO DO IS TO RUN IN THE FOREST AND BE FREEEE GODDDDDDD SAVE MY LITTLE ROYALTIES KNIGHTS SAVE THEMMM look ari... i love you i'm gonna say that a lot but i just i can't NOT say it your art literally brings me so much fucking joy that i can't hold it back

WAITTTT HAHSAHSHASHGHAHHA THE READER CALLING THEIR KIDNAPPER HOT WTF THEY'RE LITERALLY MEEEE EEEE THAT'S SO FUCKING FUNNY GUSHING OVER HIS SCAR AND HIS BICEPS BRO I'VE NEVER FELT MORE SEEN THAN I DO RIGHT NOW

ari/mickey hivemind goes crazy likee yessss make the king a real fucking piece of shit!!! yeah yeah yeah!!!!! ari do you think we should send our father to therapy yes or yes?

TOJI MENTION TOJI MENTION WAITTTT JASHASFAHGSHAGSHA I DIDN'T THINK THE KIDNAPPER WOULD BE TOJI EHEHEHHEHE STOPPP THIS IS SO FUNNY I MIGHT BE A LITTLE STUPID FOR NOT THINKING THAT EARLIER BUT HEHHEH

that is what royalty means — absolute dominion.  (it makes you want to curl into a ball.)

such a good line what the fuckkkkkkk imagine being a literary genius at the ripe age of 19 whewww

the young royalty being soooooo sick of being told to behave aaaaaaaaaa my baby my poor baby

a velvety voice. silky, smooth, tailored by the finest seamstress — tucked between the slightest raspy vowel, a hint of something deeper. it sounds like honey, wine, a molten mass of spring clouds. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE WAY MY OWN BREATH JUST HITCHED I THINK MY HEART STOPPED TOO OH MY BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL BOY I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH I CAN SEE HIM IN THE ARMOR SOOO VIVIDLY HE'S GORGEOUS AND AND AND HIM AND HIS DANGEROUS LITTLE SMILE GODDDDDDD I NEED TO BE SEDATED AND HIS VOICEEE FUCCKKKKKK AND HIS EYESSSS YEAHH I'M SO GOOD SO GOOD

and he's so charming it hurts but you KNOW it really is that sort of dangerous charm, the lying type, the masking type - the type to attack when you least expect it

the knight chuckles; muffled by his closed fist. he’s feigning embarrassment, you can tell.

MMMMMMMMMMMMM he's a little shit what he is (affectionate)

lips pursed, like they’re aching to bare and to bite.

wolfy sugu is so ready to jump out and well i am ready for him to do that okay love how you don't say bark bc he'd never bark. he's either quiet or he's biting there is no inbetween

...studying his smile, picture perfect, tailor-made, sweet enough to melt on your tongue. so sweet you know it must be at least a little bit fake — the smile of a liar. 

YEAHHHHH THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUTTTTT okay no i need to say it again.... i love him. and i love how you write him ari. he's never felt more alive than he is in everything you write. it feels like you literally know him, he feels so real. and again i just love how you describe everything he gives you a tilt of his head, strands of charcoal following the movement. smooth, like a waltz, one you didn’t agree to. like yeah what if i'm having a braingasm rn what about it

”aren’t you grateful? this handsome, kind man is all yours.”

😳😳😳 damn the reader is better than i bc i think my knees would've buckled at least A LITTLE at that like even if he's like ugh a knight who's gonna like protect me or whatever HE'S STILL THE PRETTIEST GUY OKAY CAN'T EVEN BE MAD AT HIM PROPERLY

omfg sugu saying "my lord" MY MY MY MY that made my heart flutter a little too wheww i'm folding already

ARIIIIIIIIII EEEEEEEEEEEE THIS READER IS SOOOOOO MWAH MWAH MWAHH I LOVE THEMM WE'RE HOLDING HANDSS THEY'RE DOING THE BARKING WHILE SUGU IS DOING THE BITING IT'S THE DREAM DYNAMIC

(he’s your knight, now. indefinitely yours.)

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOUR KNIGHT HE'S YOUR KNIGHT YOURS YOURS YOURS

”i promise to be the most insufferable lord a knight has ever had. i won’t make your job easy for you.” and suguru only chuckles. raspy, like the bark of a tree, claw marks on the ground. ”good,” he grins, eyes rich with mirth, golden pears hanging off the branches. ”i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

it's official guys. this fic is gonna kill me. i'm already looking for a place to lay my bones in. yeah yeah. such a shame right. you can get the uh funeral info from ari. yeah they caused this so they have to deal with it. thanks for listeningAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARIII EVERYTHING YOU WRITE TASTES LIKE HONEY I FEEL LIKE I'M STUCK IN HONEY AND IT'S THE GREATEST THING OF ALL TIME

hello??? him crouching down when he's waking you up my brother in christ i think i'd have to just lay a fat fucking smooch on his forehead just bc he's so fucking close HOW COULD I NOTTTT sigh i love how soft he's being even though he's a literal knight with blood on his hands and sharp canines in his mouth and yetttt here he is as gentle as ever

when you hear the creaking of the door, as he steps over the threshold, you barely restrain the urge to kick your legs in victory. now he’s sure to get you the wrong breakfast; and then you can be as difficult as you please, demanding something else, over and over. an ungrateful, spoiled little brat. that’ll definitely make him quit. 

😐😐😐😐😐😐don't even have to read the next part to know what's coming.......................... oh sweetie.... oh you poor thing.... can't underestimate suguru like that...... he's literally the best guy around AND HE BROUGHT THEM A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHINGGG WHAT DID I SAYYYYYY ARI I'M GONNA RIP MY HAIR OUT I'M GONNA BE BALD BY THE END OF THIS YOU'RE INSANE ARI N SUGU IS A FUCKING CRAZY DUO WE CANNOT HAVE THE TWO OF YOU TOGETHER THEY'RE GONNA GIVE US ALL HEART BURNN

...

WAIT

WAIT

WAIT

WAIT

ARI

ARI

ARI WAIT

HE COOKED ALL OF THAT?????????????? ASAJKSAHDGJHALSLDHKAUWDHWUDHALKWDAUWDAKWHDKAWGDKUAWHD,AJWDKAWDWHAKJDHKUWAHDKAWJD THEY PALE I PALE WHAT I'M- WHAT

okay that was fucking insane i need a minute i think ARI WHAT DA HELL HE'S A KNIGHT AND HE'S BEAUTIFUL AND HE HAS THE SILKIEST VOICE AND HE SNARLS AND HE HAS TEETH AND HE COOKS AND HE TEASES AND HE COMFORTS AND YEAH FUCK OFF ACTUALLY + and then the reader mocking him and him just laughing BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I CANNOT DOO THISS i'm melting into a fucking puddle and you have to clean it up!!!!!

”no kissing involved.”

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

WOWWWW NANAMI MENTION!!!! i love when other character are mentioned i think it's super sweet that they all still exist in the same world always always always

in a matter of seconds, you seem to deflate, slumping back until your spine meets the headboard. sulking silently. ”so you didn't pull your sword out of a rock?” you huff, mood souring again, a lemony flavour in your veins. ”lame.” ”stone,” he corrects, unperturbed. ”and i'm afraid not.” he gives you another one of his placating smiles, barely concealed amusement swimming in his amber eyes. ”i pulled mine from an oak tree.” … ”wait, really?” the gleam in your eyes is back. suguru almost, almost feels bad. ”depends,” he quips, shooting you a lazy grin. ”how gullible are you, my lord?” (... oh. he was teasing you.)

STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP THE WAY I WOULD FALL FOR THIS TOOOO AAAAAAAAAAAAA SOO STUPIDDD AND THE WAY I MADE FUN OF PRINCE!GOJO BEING GULLIBLE IN MY AU TOO BROOOO I'M JUST LIKE THEMMM I WOULD NOT RECOVER FROM THIS also your readers are always so relatable and it feels so good to connect with them bc this is most definitely the kind of royalty i'd be okay there's no way i could ever Behave

i'm sorry to bring up my prince!gojo again but i just keep thinking about him too yk.... how the royalties just want people to call them by their name.... to feel NORMAL for once aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

the reader painting the wolf and sugu complimenting them............ oh and the reader smiling at his sincere praise:(((((((((((((((((((((( and sugu in turn thinking that they're cute:((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((fuck

closer to meeting the little lamb beneath the wolf’s hide.

+

you have to be mean.

the little lamb who feels the innate need to be mean, to act tough in order to live. what if i jump of a bridge ari hm i am in a desperate need of a refreshing little swim i'll be fine in a few years (what if i also say....... my knight!reader........................................)(but they had to sow the wolf's hide onto themselves while your royalty!reader will most likely be able to leave it behind or atleast throw it aside for the time being)(sigh)

him having a moment there omfg what if he also had a dream???? i mean why else would he have this little huh? moment right????? fuck i think i'm reaching lmao LET ME BEEE OKAY

solitary, blurry; baring its fangs towards no one at all. a sorry spectacle of teeth.

ari my sweetest little poet i love you so you can't just drop these bangers on me and expect me to not shower you in love??? dummy

NOOOOO THE LITTLE BOY:((((((((((((((((((((((( oh and i can imagine sugu's angry eyes here toooo mmmmmmmmmm damn

(so this is how you get under this skin. cruelty, aimed not towards him, but towards the defenseless.  what a picture-perfect, self-destructive little knight.)

.................................................................. now i really don't know if i can keep going i'm gonna take a piss break then i'll get to contemplate our marriage on the fucking toilet brb okay i am back and i do not feel any better i need to hug a pillow or smth i think

(in your chest, your heartbeat tick-tocks.)

YEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH BABYY YOU GOT ONE OF THOSE TOO BITCH I MEAN BITCH AFFECTIONATELY I LOVE THEM BUT'S TIME TO BE A LOVER AND NOT A HATER MY LITTLE LORD YOU

AAAAAAAAAAA THEM GETTING ALL NERVOUS AND FLUSTERED BC YEAHHH GUESS WHAT YOU ARE KIND AND LOVING!!!!!! YOU ARE!!!!!! and sugu is just aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa i'm melting they're melting we're just a big puddle of goo together

”a little sweetheart who pretends to be all big and bad…” he eyes you up and down, a meaningful look, raven locks moving as he tilts his head. towering over you. ”is that what you are?”

CAR CRASH SOUNDS WEEEEWOOOOWEEEEWOO SOMEBODY CALL THE AMULANCE WEEWOO BEEEEEP BEEEP AND THE POLICE OH MY GOD IT'S GONNA BLOW EVERYBODY GET AWAY FROM THE CAR AAAAAAOOIUGHHHHHHH STATIC NOISE BEEEP HOSPITAL SOUNDS HEART MONITOR GOING AN EVEN LOUDER BEEEEEEEEEEP i died

(you just want him to stop looking you so fondly.)

should i add some more car crash sounds or do you understand what i'm going through rn? ARI MY MOST BELOVED LITTLE FLOWER ON THIS EARTH I AM KISSING YOU ON THE FOREHEAD N PETTING YOUR HEAD YOU'RE SO GOOD YOU'RE SO SO FUCKING GOOD

suguru speaking so calmly, so smoothly while staring at them. taking in every little twitch, every little footstep, every little huff with a smile on his face i'm so fucking dead the reader feeling Seen and it just scaring the livining fuck out of them too aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa and then sugu holding back a coo bc He Knows he's beginning to understand them aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ari i need to kiss your knuckles one by one and your wrists you need to feel my love

sugu calling the reader sweetheart :/ JHAGSALHDIAHDJWDGAHKD just inhaled so hard i started coughing i am unable to be normal

”… thanks for breakfast.”  suguru beams, and you avoid his gaze, like always. biting into one of the rubies, the soft murmur of thanks still burning your tongue, soothed by sweet nectar. he lets you flee, lets you continue on like nothing happened, like it isn’t obvious how much you’ve warmed up to his presence. 

nothing warms my heart more than your art btw thank you for sharing your mind and your world with us ari my sweet

KNIGHT!SUGU ASKING FOR A FAVOUR HE JUST A BOY HE JUST WANTS TO TUSSLE WITH HIS FRIEND A LITTLE AAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE HIMMMMM AND THEN THE READER TELLING HIM THAT THEY WANT TO SWING A SWORDDDD PLEAAASEEEE I THINK I SAY THAT UR READERS ARE THE MOST RELATABLE ONES EVERY TIME BUT THIS TIME!!!! THIS TIME!!!!!!! THEY'RE EVEN MORE RELATABLE THAN EVER I LOVE THEM SOOOO MCUH I WANNA HUG THEM

... wolfing it down. WOLF MENTION WOLF MENTION WOLF MEN-

OH FUCK OFF YOU CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF (affectionate) SUGURU IN A LITTLE FLIMSY BLOUSE???????? I MIGHT'VE JUST POPPED A BONER I'M SORRY AAAAND IT'S ALMOST SEE THROUGHAAA ND YOU CAN SEE THE SSCAR AND AND AND H-HIS BICEPS GULPP HAH AND THEN HE HE PUTS HIS HAIR IN A BUN BROOOO I CAN'T I HAVE HORNY TEARS IN MY EYES I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS A THING

JADUDHWADWLAKHDHUHNSFIEFHAL THEY BITE HIM!!!! THEY BITE HIM!!!! I NEED TO DO THAT FUCK OFF THIS PERSON GETS ME SO WELL I LOVE YOU ARI YOU'RE A TRUE FUCKING BLESSING TO THIS WORLD AJHIDBKJAWDBANA WAITTT AND THEN HE GRABS THEIR FACEE AAAAUGHHHH AND OFFERS MORE SKIN TO BIIITTEEE AAAAA I'D SAY THAT I'M SPEECHLESS BUT THAT'S CLEARLY NOT TRUEE WHAT THE FUCKK

”i’m… just keeping you on your toes,” you stumble for an excuse, still unable to look at him properly. missing the way he stifles a bout of laughter. ”for your training, y’know? gotta stay on your guard.”

EEEEEEHEHEHEHHE this made me laugh so hard they're so real. and a little stupid. still very relatable. i just can't get over the fact that sugu just let it happen though....................... he definitely would so idk why i'm so surprised actually i don't think this is me being surprised i think this is me being flustered okay mystery solved thanks

HAIBARA MENTION!!!!!!! I REPEAT HAIBARA MENTION!!! THT'S SO CUTE ARI!!! HE'S SOOOO ADORABLE AND AHSHAHSHAH THE READER BEING THROWN OFF BY HIS ENTHUSIASM so so cute

SUGURU HOLDING A SWORD SUGURU HOLDING A SWORD SUGU-

PLEAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEE THE SWORD BEING TOO HEAVY FOR THEMM😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 waittt and them being embarrassed bc of it:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MY BABYYYY + sugu trying to comfort them saying they weren't making fun of them my heart is crying he's such a sweetheart i need to kiss him wait what who said that

”… maybe next time,” you finally speak, still grumbling. after you’ve spent some time lifting weights in your room.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 MY LITTLE MEOWMEOW:((

SUGURU POUTS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA wait i think it's time for me to yap again. i love knight!suguru sooooooo much moss is a fucking genius for coming up with that i love their knight!sugu and i love your knight!sugu you guys just get him like nobody else does okay i love you

(not to injure, but to ground yourself, he’s learned. like how you clutch onto the fabric of your clothing when you’re nervous, sink your nails into your palm. not to injure, but to feel safe.)

ouchie ouch ouch

RIBCAGE MENTION RIBCAGE MENTION

”who are you?” comes a question, as the man turns to face him with a look full of contempt. ”their knight?” before suguru can say anything, you’ve hopped off the bench. clinging to him, with a firm nod; your arms around his bicep. ”yeah. he is.”

MELTING MELTING INTO THE BIGGEST PUDDLE OF GOO I AM A RIVER I AM A LAKE I AM THE OCEAN I'LL SWALLOW YOU IN RETURN FOR WRITING THESE FUCKING LINES ARI OHHH HOW GOOD THAT MUST'VE FELT FOR SUGURU TO FINALLY HAVE THE READER CLUTCHING TO HIM TRUSTING HIM AAAAAAAAAAAAA + him guiding them with a hand on their back i have hearts in my eyes

nooooooooooo my baby has really been cooped up in the castle:(((((( i'm gonna break them out myself i will do it!!!!

”i thought of you.”

RRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH THE FEELING THE FEELINGS MAN him going out of his way to bring them a gift like this telling them that it made him think of them it's so over for me even if he just asked haibara to bring it it's still going out of his way bc c'monnnn knights aren't supposed to be gifting the royalties anything Ever and yettttt here we are ohh sugu:(((((((

ribcage mention a very important ribcage mention hey what does it feel like to be living inside my ribcage ari hm???? you have your own place in here i'll keep you warm n safe i promise. this gift means so much to them i wanna cry. and the little be good with no funny little quip-back ohhhhhhhhhh:(((((

HAHSHAHSAHSHAHSAHAH THE GOOD OLD PILLOWCASE N BEDSHEET ROPE ARI I LOVE IT

sighhhhh they just want to see the world ari:(((((( they're so sad they're so upset and they just. want. to. see. the. world. they're so used to hiding their sadness, so used to just acting annoyed at everything aaaaaaaaaaa it hurts ari it hurts they just want to feel the grass under their bare feet, feel the wind in their hair when they're running through the trees AAAAAAAAI'M GONNA CRY

you only shrug. ”i’m not surprised that they eat us.” you think of all the stories you’ve heard, the fairy tales you grew up with. ”… if i was a wolf, i’d hate humans too.” ”would you, now?” familiar amusement, seeping from his tongue, soft crows’ feet by his cedar eyes. ”good thing you aren’t a wolf, then. we’re lucky.” ”mhm. you’d be my first target.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭THEY'RE SO CUTE I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC SO MUCH THEY WORK SO WELL TOGETHER

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmsugu being caught off guard by the fact that the reader wants to know more about him YEAAHHH TOUGH GUY IT'S YOUR TURN NOWW

uh oh knight!sugu vs my knight!reader moment............ he got lucky n scouted and ended up a proper knight...... while...... mine wasn't blessed by luck...... but them both still having the "protect the weak" mindset the brainrot is so real i can't escape it

the look in his eyes frightens you. deeper than the deepest lake, dark and murky, dragging him down. a devotion that smells of iron, tastes like steel. mania disguised as loyalty.

MANIA DISGUISED AS LOYALTY RRRAAAAAAAHHHHH I'M PACING AROUND IN MY ROOM I CAN'T SIT STILL ANYMORE YOU USE WORDS LIKE NO ONE ELSE YOU AND SUGU HAVE A LANGUAGE OF YOUR OWN AND I AM HAPPY TO BE WITNESSING IT you truly get him it's a wonder to read about

”… you’re a shy one, aren’t you?” he searches for your gaze, chuckling when he doesn’t find it. when you don’t let him. ”can’t even look people in the eye if they’re being nice to you… how precious.” ”oh, shut up,” you groan, glaring out into the night sky. blinking slowly, drowsily, biting back a yawn that your attentive knight still manages to notice.  (he looks a little enamored.)

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA my computer almost exploded here btw i don't know what happened i think it's getting a little overwhelmed too and by little i mean a FUCKING LOT i love them so much i keep saying it bc i just need to say it okay

MY SWEET LITTLE LORD ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND ARI holy fuck i am being changed as a person word by word you're a god no but him teasing the reader is soooo precious he never goes too far just on the edge of complimenting them and poking fun<33333333 ++ AND THEN THE READER BEING GREEDY GREEDY IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE ASKING FOR HIM TO CARRY THEM AND HE DOESSSS BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOESS AA WHAT THE FUCKK IMAGINE HOW GOOD IT WOULD FEEL TO BE THIS CLOSE TO HIM TO HIS RIBCAGE TO HIS HEART

i love the tick-tocking. i love how you keep bringing up the clockwork hearts. i love it.

a sense of safety, when you can’t tell where your heartbeat ends and his begins.

what does it feel like being the new and better shakespeare btw i will make you famous idk if u don't care about being famous it's just about showing your art to everybody so you can feel the enormous love of the world directed right at you (fret not it's nothing compared to my love though)

like a big, annoyingly handsome rock.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 HASGAHSHGHASHA i'm sorry this maybe shouldn't be as funny as it is but you know me i bet being in his arms would feel so fucking secure though????? like even when it's just bc he's holding you back from escaping or whatever

waiitttt hhihiihihi the reader is so funny actually sugu move along man i'm the new knight "like, as a bit?" hsjashahshagsga made me laugh out loud i nEEED to boop their nose they're so silly

”what are you, stupid?” ”what did we say about letting people finish their sentences?” he raises a brow, and you try not to cower. rolling your eyes, instead.

PLEAASEEE HAHSHASHAHSHA their banter is soo good wahhhh my babies my sweethearts i hope nothing bad happens to them .

a grin breaks out across your lips, like a joyous bolt of lighting, and you lunge into his chest — throwing your arms over his broad shoulders, jumping up and down, planting a wet kiss against his cheek. bubbly, giddy, heart racing with disbelief. you don’t even have it in you to be bratty. ”thank you, thank you, thank you!” suguru makes a choked out noise, a little comical, breath hitching in the back of his throat. stabilizing you with a palm on the small of your back, patting it softly, once or twice, before retracting his arm and pulling away. clearing his throat. ”… you’re welcome.” (his ears burn a cherry red.)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKK THIS AHSKGASIAHSJA IS SO FUCKING SWEET HELP MEEE SOMEBODY HIS EARSS ARE REDD I CAN SEE IT SOO CLEARLY TOOO AAAAAAAAAA THE FAINT TINT OF PINK ON HIS CHEEKS I KNOW HIS HEART WAS ABOUT TO JUMP OUT FROM HIS CHEST EEEEEEEEE CUTIES CUTIES CUTIES and just the fact that he folded is so good too he truly does just want to keep the reader happy wahhhh

your knight exhales. worried, maybe, a little exasperated — mostly just trying to mask how infectious your joy is. how addicted he is to it, now that he’s seen it up close. he’s only caught glimpses in the midst of your painting sessions; to see it directed at him instead of the wolf on your canvas is a treasure he won’t soon forget. 

oh it's so over for him. he's in it now. get loved idiot. ++ ari that last sentence................................. that's going in the quote book you can't argue with me bc it's already in there

did you really think you could slip that little "your knight" by me huh???? you're not as slick as you think you are little iris I SEE YOU

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH:(((((((((((((((( THEY'RE FINALLY OUT!!!! THEY'RE IN THE WOODS HOW GOOD THAT MUST'VE FELT HOW GOOD THE FRESH AIR FELT IN THEIR LUNGS THE SOUND OF RUSTLING LEAVES IN THEIR EARS I CAN FEEL IT MYSELF THIS IS WHAT BEING ALIVE FEELS LIKE

DOUBLE OHHHHH WAT HOW HE'S LOOKING AT THEM BROOO HERE COME THE WATERWORKS just so obsessed with their own excitement so happy that he can be there for it happy that he's the one that made this happen in the first place:((((((((((((((

tick-tock.

”will you trust this wolf to keep you safe?”

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

him offering his hand and them FINALLLYYY TAKING IT ari i love them so much:(((((((((((((((((( they officially have a place in my heart next to the other knights and royalties hehehehe i'm so glad that we can share them i feel very honored

”keep me safe, wolfie.”

:(((((((((((((((((((((((they need to hug. like rn. or maybe i need them to hug me. idk. everybody needs to hug.

his laughter rings out into the air like a cicada song, sweet and nostalgic. or a howl, maybe. it makes you want to gnaw at his bones; memorize his taste, so you’ll never quite be without him. it’s not your fault he looks so chewable when he’s smiling like that.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS 100000000% looks biteable and chewable and what makes that even better is the fact that he'd let you do that to him too... he'd let you bite and gnaw without a second thought he's so perfect

.......

oh he's so mean. HE'S SO MEAN. and the reader is so naive. and i'm so naive and he's so mean. /hj

gently, he grabs hold of your hand, bringing it to his lips as his eyes flutter shut. you bite back a squeak. his voice comes out low, sultry, honeyed — so heavy with emotion that it’s obvious he’s faking it. ”the only person i yearn to protect is you, my liege,” his breath feels hot against your skin. ”i could never love another. i exist for you, and you alone.”  suddenly, he’s smirking. you feel it against the knots of your knuckle, right before he cracks a single eye open. glimmering with deep amusement. ”… is that better?”

OHHHHHHHHHHHH HE'S MEAN MEAN. HE'S VILE HE'S WICKED AND I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM THIS IS SICKENING "possessive little thing....." 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴

a big man down on his knees before you............................... i have a dream and that just might be it thank you for indulging me

”wolves eat bratty heirs, you know? better stay on my good side, your highness.” a bout of sleepy giggles. you curl an arm around his bicep, putting your weight onto him, but he doesn’t stumble. ”sorry, mr wolf! please, by all means, eat my dear father instead.” ”don’t be disrespectful.” ”sorry,” you quip, entirely unapologetic. ”i forgot you had a crush on him. that’s my ba — ow!” suguru brushes by you, walking forward, hiding his growing grin. leaving you with an ache in your hip and two wide eyes.  ”hurry up, my lord. we don’t have all day.” ”wha — you pinched me!” you stumble after him, barely containing your quiet delight. ”they’ll have your head for this, you know!” silent laughter. you don’t need to hear it to know that it’s there, just ahead of you, tucked into crows’ feet and a curl of his lips.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHE PLEASEEEE THEY'RE SO FUNNY TOGETHER THEY FIT TOGETHER SO WELL LIKE PUZZLE PIECES IT JUST FLOWS SO FUCKING GOOD AND I LOVE THEM AND I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY AND I MIGHT'VE CAUGHT A GLIMPSE OF THE NEXT PART AND I AM NOW HERE HIDING BC I'M SCARED TO GO BACK THERE ARI PLEASE YOU'LL LET THEM BE HAPPY RIGHT??? I AM NOW VERY MUCH REGRETTING NOT READING THE CONTENTS FUCKK MEEE

suguru certainly isn’t. cutting his way through the bandit’s den, practically growling, sword painted such a dark shade of red that he doubts he’ll ever be able to wipe it clean. harsh slashes, pure instinct, wildfire inside his veins, iron on his tongue.  suguru isn’t thinking, he’s hunting. sniffing like a bloodhound. eyes scanning the area before him like a hungry beast. suguru is hunting — for you.

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I'M SCARED and a little horny i think but that's beside's the point THE WOLF HAS ARRIVED OH HOW I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOUUUU the way you describe his anger is so fucking amazing i'm awe i read that and i saw red????? i feel what he's feeling

what you see is a knight, a wolf, a beast beneath the moonlight. a kind, kind man.

YOUR KIND, KIND MAN. AND FUCK THIS IS WHERE HE SAYS THEIR NAME???????????????????? FUCKK FUCK FUCK FUCK AND HE'S KISSING THEIR KNUCKLES BROOOOO I HAVE TEARS IN MY EYES AGAINNNNN THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD TIME WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME

and ah, you think; there it is. guilt. always, always clinging to him, a ghost haunting him wherever he goes. it’s been there since the beginning, in the scar reaching for his shoulder, the nature of his never-fading smile. guilt, guilt, guilt. you wonder if he's ever gone without it. you wonder if knights begin to crumble when they stop feeling ashamed. 

STOP STOP PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE EVERYTHING I NEED THE TIME TO STOP I'M SORRRY???? "IF KNIGHTS BEGIN TO CRUMBLE WHEN THEY STOP FEELING ASHAMED." I'MMM SORRYYYY????????????????????????? LOOK ARI MY BELOVED MY SWEET LITTLE ANGEL I DON'T THINK I EVEN HAVE THE VOCABULARY FOR WHAT I WANNA SAY ABOUT THIS I DON'T THINK I COULD EVEN DO IT IN MY NATIVE LANGUAGE I DON'T THINK EVEN YELLING COULD DO THE DAMN THING

"IF KNIGHTS BEGIN TO CRUMBLE WHEN THEY STOP FEELING ASHAMED" HUHH

i will give you the sun so you could always bask in its warmth i will give you the moon so you could always lie in its light i will give you the stars so you could always play connect the dots the planets will be yours so you may always count the rings when you're bored i will give you the world so you may always feel loved you are changing lives with your writing you know. i mean that. i know that for a fact as for i am here right now. i love you.

”suguru —” you sigh, almost a hiss. ”i hit my head. once. that’s all.” you wipe away the wetness of your cheeks, biting back a sniffle. ”… you’re acting like i’m fucking dying. cut it out.” (for once, he’s relieved to hear that sharp edge of your voice. it means you’re feeling better.)

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭joking through pain hey i know that one

”i’m serious.” you’re pulling away, suddenly, clasping onto his cheeks with your tearstained palms. squishing his face together. ”it wasn’t your fault. it was mine.” he shakes his head, eager to protest, so you squish his cheeks with more force, and shake his head for him. like a misbehaving dog. ”nope. if you even think about apologizing, i’ll start crying again.” he lets out a huff. frowning, sadly, a downcast pair of eyes. ”don’t pout. i’ll bite you.” it’s slight, barely even there at all — but you think the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, just by a hair, exhaling through his nose with just the slightest hint of amusement.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 I'M SORRY THAT I'M JUST PLUCKING LIKE CHUNKS OUT OF THE THING BUT I JUST HAVE TO OKAY THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME THIS PART ESPECIALLY FUUUCKKKKKK I'M CRYINGGG THIS IS SO SILLYY BUT I LOVE THEM SOOOO MUCH I LOVE THE READER I LOVE SUGU I LOVE THEM TOGETHER THEM SQUISHING HIS CHEEKS AND THREATENING TO BITE IS SO SERIOUS TO ME FUUUUUUCKKK SHOUDL I DO A FUCKING FUCK COUNT WAAAAHHH I SHOULD DO A TEAR COUNT INSTEAD BROO I'M SO DEHYDRATED NOW LOOK AT THIS LOSER CRYING OVER A FANFICCC MY SPOUSE IS JUST THE BEST ONE OUT THERE I CAN'T HOLD IT BACKKK

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAITTTTTT HE HAD A DREAMMM ARIII HE HAD A FUCKING DREAM SABSAKJSAGSKJASGAHLSHAHSKU

TICK-TOCK TICK-TOCK

A FOX WITH A CHEEEEKY SMILEEE AAAAAAA IT'S GETTING WORSE AND WORSE AND MY WORSE I MEAN AMAZING MY HEART IS SO FULL OF HONEY GOO AND I'M ABOUT TO EXPLODE

swallowing any embarrassment your tired mind can still feel. because your knight is right in front of you, eyes still red from crying, and you want him to be happy. “i think you’re my favorite person.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭THIS IS NOT OKAYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I CAN'T BREATHE I HOPE YOU CAN FEEL MY MELTDOWN TO WHEREEVER YOU ARE MY LOVE AAAA HIS EYES ARE RED FROM CRYING AND YOU WANT HIM TO BE HAPPYYY GODDDDDDDD

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE'S BLUSHING AND HE'S FLUSTERED AND HE CAN'T EVEN SPEAK "MY BLUSHY KNIGHT" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I NEED A HEART TRANSPLANT JASGJBWAHGDJADJAWG WHAT DO YOU MEANNNNNNN MY BLUSHY KNIGHTTT I JUST--- HE'S SO FUCKING CUTE

”you’re hallucinating,” he scoffs, shoving your head into the fluffy pillows all around you. ever so gently, listening to your muffled giggles. trying to stifle his own joy. ”go back to sleep.”

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭here comes the crying emoji hysteria this is what you do to me HE'S SO BOYFRIEND I CAN'TTTTTTT

ARMOR AND SUNFLOWER MENTION I AM HERE I AM HERE

STOPPPPPPPPPP HE MADE A DRAWING TOOOO I- JUS- FUCK. CAN'T THINK ANYMORE HE MADE A DRAWING TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HDAHWDKJ

NO NO LOOK YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND HE MADE. A DRAWING TOO. A KNIGHT. MADE A SKETCH WITH HIS HANDS. WITH COAL. OF A FOX. THAT HE SAW IT IN HIS DREAMS. OF A BRATTY LITTLE LORD. THAT HE SAW IN HIS DREAMS. AND IS NOW SITTING UNDER THE STARS WITH HIM. NOOOOO I CAN'T SEE ANYMORE AGAIN MY EYES ARE WATERY THIS IS NOT FINE BY ANY MEANS BTW ARI YOU WILL BE PUNISHED WITH KISSES AND HUGS AND PATS ON THE HEAD AAAUGHGHHG

”… i’ve been thinking.” ”uh oh.”

hasgahsaghshgahshahsahh my favourite thing to say i'm telling u we're holding hands with the reader

”you’ve become precious to me,” he admits. ”i can't remember what it felt like to not be yours.” his tongue curls around a familiar set of syllables, and your name seeps from his lips like a prayer, a vow, a trickle of honey and wine. devotion sticks to his tongue, to the vowels, a heavy fondness — something devout. something you've only ever heard from the mouths of priests.

just when i think that i can catch a break

"i can't remember what it felt like to not be yours." FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

i need you to NEVER shut up ari. never. ever. never stop writing never stop thinking never stop talking yapping rambling just never stop doing what you're doing okay. this is a threat.

fingers intertwining with your own. a perfect puzzle piece, a functional clockwork.

TICK-TOCK BABYYYYYYY i love repeating motifs but actually i don't know why i'm saying this i think you know that already smh maybe i just like repeating things over all don't mind me

EEEEEEEEEEEEEE HE'S BLUSHING AGAINNN GOD I LOVE THIS MASTERPIECE SO FUCKING MUCH I'M PRINTING IT OUT AND PUTTING IT UNDER MY PILLOW SO I CAN DREAM OF IT EVERY NIGHT

”you can sleep, if you’d like,” is whispered against your hair. soft, soothing, his palm on your spine. ”i’ve got you. always.”

SIGHHHHHHHHHH ONE BIG MASSIVE DREAMY SIGH

like how does one read this and not talk about it. the teeth and the biting. the wolf bringing you into the woods himself. the lamb sleeping in the wolf's arms. the smiles. the fond eyes. the hands - the way they refused to take his hand for so long and in the end they couldn't be away from it, glued against him. his hair and the way you describe it. sigh sigh sigh i got nothing but love and admiration for you. i think you were meant to write about him always always always. he lives inside you or maybe you just keep him alive, anyhow it's so good to read your art. we are all truly blessed i talk like i'm religious but the only religion i know is ari so to what you want with that

btwwwww have i told you that you were one of the two people who got me into writing? if i have then i'm just gonna repeat it. i remember reading that one suguru fic - the one where he cooks breakfast for the reader and i just... sat there staring at my phone thinking how is this a fanfic? what do you mean this is fanfiction? this belongs on a bookshelf in a cute little book store. the kind that's always so cozy and homey, the one that always smells sweet? the one where you can sit down by the window and read about love. i spiraled after reading it a little you know. i really did. so in love with the way you describe the surroundings, with the way you describe people and most importantly feelings and emotions. i definitely have said it before but your art makes me feel alive, makes me feel like i am there in the story - feeling everything they're feeling. you are amazing and i hope you know that.

thank you thank you thank you for including us all in your world, thank you for improving it thank you for making it so so much better. i love you very much. FAT MWAH TO YOU MWAH MWAH MWAH i hope you had a wonderful day today, i hope uni isn't being too much of a bitch and i hope you slept well!!!!!!! armin says hello too, he sat with me pretty much the whole time i was reading this he told me he loved it too i kept yapping about to him too smhh i love being annoying anyway this was a lot i hope my words can make your day a bit better or something like that and yeah LOVE U LOVE U LOVE U!!!

the paint doesn't move the way the light reflects ; suguru geto

synopsis; when the king puts you under the supervision of a dashing knight, you promise to make his job as difficult as possible. unfortunately, suguru geto is the patient sort.

word count; 21.1k (this accidentally turned into a novella idk how it happened nobody look at me :’3 this is a love letter to sugu ok…)

contents; suguru geto/reader, gn!reader, knight!sugu x royalty!reader, royalty au (not accurate to any time period ever), technically a bodyguard au, slowburn, reader is a brat and suguru likes it a little more than he should, reader also has thinly veiled daddy issues, protective sugu :3, he goes feral in one part (descriptions of violence and bloodshed), reader gets briefly kidnapped lol, very fluffy overall though!!, includes shifting povs & time-skips, also lots and lots of devotion, knight!sugu is real & beautiful & loves you specifically <33

a/n; HAPPY late BDAY SUGU MY BABY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE this fic has been in the works for a WHILE now and means a lot to me much like sugu himself :’3 dedicated to my beloved @kissxcore for infecting me w this concept & also my dear @mossmurdock for bringing knight!sugu into my life, both of u have made the brainrot infinitely worse and i will never be free (and ofc @softgirlgonehaywire & @dollsuguru & @jtkys for being the sweetest always) I LOVE U ALL!!!!!!!!

like most things, it begins and ends with a dream.

images form in the depths of your subconscious, wild and vivid, splattering on the canvas of your mind. a dream of cold metal, dark thickets, iron-scented skin — and a knight. 

(or… a wolf?)

before you is a small clearing. trees sprout from the rugged grounds, blooming proudly, clogging up the wool-coated sky. all around you lie empty, discarded suits of armor, dirty with rust and something that smells of death. wilted sunflowers stumble under their own weight, and dragonflies buzz in a frenzy, manic, driven to hysteria. in the distance you think you hear the shrieking of ravens.

and there’s a knight, just ahead, tall and imposing, covered in steel from head to toe. holding a blinding sword, facing the sky, doing nothing to stop the pitter patter of raindrops ricocheting off his burganet. you stand by the entrance of the woods, and watch him in silence. 

he looks a little lonely. 

and in comes the wolf. gracious, growling, big and bad, snarling and showing off the white of its fangs. dragging its claws against the ground, unruly fur ruffled by the harsh breeze; widening its maw, a silent fury on its tongue. from this angle, it looks a little like a grin.

the wolf begins to chase the knight. or maybe it’s the knight chasing the wolf — you can’t really tell. they run in circles around each other, like the sun and the moon, an orbit of violence, matching their steps. almost in harmony — almost, but not quite, because suddenly they’re closing in on you, great and ugly, beasts wearing different hides, and —

and that’s when you wake up.

”your highness!” 

a groan pushes past your lips, groggy with fatigue, and your eyelids flicker open like the drawing of a flimsy curtain. a series of mismatched little blinks, until your vision clears. 

above you waits a familiar face; impatient. one of the maids, your foggy brain tells you. and she isn’t pleased.

but all you do is drag your limbs up to cover your pillow-creased face, sluggishly, muttering beneath your breath. ”a wolf…”

silence. 

the maid tilts her head, with a furrow of her brows. 

”… excuse me?”

”there was a wolf,” you echo, a dreamy exhale muffled against the skin of your palm. stifling a yawn. ”and a guy… he was cool.” 

she sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. settling back into her usual rhythm. mildy berating. ”did you have another one of your dreams?” she asks, a little irritated, and for a second you think you hear a tick-tock ticking down. ”at any rate — you need to get up. the king and queen demand your presence.”

ah. of course.

a huff, displeased, even as you force yourself into a sitting position. stretching your limbs like a grumpy feline. ”demands…” you murmur, a click of your tongue. ”they think they can just wake me up whenever they want? at the crack of dawn?”

”it’s 11 a.m, your highness.”

”early as hell,” you rasp, willfully tuning out her murmur of mind your language. letting your legs hang off the bed. ”what do they want, anyway?”

following your silent cue, she hums, walking towards the edge of the room. picking up your discarded blouse, and bringing it to you. ”i was told it was of utmost importance,” is all she says, lifting the fabric as if getting ready to dress you.

”i can do that myself,” you hiss, snatching the white silk from her outstretched hands. as always, she does nothing but sigh, sigh, sigh. it’s all they ever do. ”i’m not a toddler.”

from your position, still cozied up in bed, on messy sheets and fluffy pillows — you can see the view beyond your translucent window’s glass. a sky so gray it’s almost comforting, dark clouds forming in the distance, silently ruminating. when the maid pushes it open, and a cold breeze slips through the gap, you can smell the rain; heavy, earthy, daffodils and oak wood. in the distance, sunflower fields seek shelter from the downpour. 

but your eyes remain glued to the woods. far ahead, but still close enough to see — the woods you long for. the ones you’ll never get to see up close. 

a bitter taste blooms on your tongue. 

(spitefully, your teeth sink into the tender flesh of your bottom lip.)

”fine,” comes a heavy sigh, ruefully resigned. forcing yourself into compliancy. before you can change your mind, you hop off the mattress, running your fingers through tousled strands of hair. ”i’ll go see them.”

and she brightens, visibly, disapproving frown smoothed away with the breeze. for now. ”thank you. they are worried, i’ll have you know.”

a scoff, as you cross the threshold of your private quarters. humorous. ”i bet they are.” 

”your highness,” she calls, following close behind. her tone is reprimanding, now; you will yourself not to shrink. ”we almost lost you.”

”i almost got kidnapped,” you huff. ”not the same thing.”

again, that exasperated sigh. it’s a wonder her lungs haven’t run out of air. ”do you have any idea who that man was?” 

the question makes your mind still. shifting gears, a clockwork coming to life, repeating it inside your head — do you have any idea who that man was? 

”… he was hot.”

sigh. you hear it before it comes, and raise your lips on instinct. 

”no, i mean it!” you ensure her, throwing a fleeting glance behind you. ”he just had that rugged look about him, you know? the scar and everything…” a blissful little exhale, as you gush over your would-be killer. ”what a waste. if only he had gotten away.”

”with you in tow?” the maid quips, raising a brow. her words are steeped in irony.

”of course!” another disapproving glance. ”i mean, did you see those biceps —”

”behave.”

with a flutter of your puffy sleeves, you turn around to face her. and ah — there it is. the hardness of her jaw, those frosty pupils, the impending signs of her dwindling patience. you can see it, hear it, that eerie tick-tock signaling the breaching of her limit. all humans have one; a clockwork heart, of sorts, ticking down to the moment they run out of leftover kindness to give unruly heirs. 

over the years, you’ve gotten expertly good at making the clock tick quicken. a skill you’re very proud of.

”and what if i don’t?” you bite back, just barely restraining your growing grin. delighted at the attention. ”he had nice biceps! what, am i not allowed to tell the truth?”

and the tick-tock quickens. she stills, just behind you, hands on her hips. frustration bubbling beneath her sharp syllables. ”my god, you are impossible today!”

for a moment, you stop to look at her. weighing your options. should you reel it back in, try and appease her? or keep pushing? the answer, as always, is push. it’s all you’ll ever do.

so you turn on your heel, and take a step forward, a spiteful grin curved into your lips. ”deal with it, or leave.” a beat. ”i don’t remember asking you to accompany me.”

before you round the corner, your ears pick up on one final harsh sigh. she makes no move to follow you.

(hmph.)

”where is your maid?”

in front of you stands a throne, proud and luxurious, polished marble, two seats right next to each other. the quarters of the royal pair are the same as always, vivid paintings hanging from every wall in sight, wolf pelts thrown over tables and windowsills. the scent of dried lavender seeps through the air, suffocating you. 

and, of course, the king. speaking to you with the same judgemental voice as always; one you’ve grown painfully accustomed to. 

”i wanted her to get me breakfast,” is the lie you decide on, finely tailored in white. just to make sure she doesn’t get into any actual trouble. ”you didn’t exactly give me time to eat any.”

the king sighs, mild disappointment laced into the breath. nothing new. when he says your name, it comes out sounding like a bad joke. ” — you aren’t a child anymore. one day you’ll be ruling this kingdom; forcing the maids to do your bidding won’t win you any favours.” 

”mhm.” absently, you fidget with the sleeves of your blouse. not quite listening. ”so, what did you want? it’s not often i’m allowed here.”

an evil glint shines in your eyes, for a moment. you cast a meaningful glance at the maid by your father’s side — his personal favorite. 

”don’t you have, ah…” you taste the words on your tongue. ”more pressing matters to attend to?”

he doesn’t flinch. as always, he pretends not to know that you know — that everyone knows. 

yet he still gives you that cold, cold look, colder than the howls of wind beyond the castle walls, cold enough to send a shiver down your spine. it makes you want to push, push, push. break the clockwork in half.

but he’s wise enough to follow your lead. “let me get to the point, then,” he cranes his neck, showing off the fox pelt snug around his shoulders. ”the queen and i thought it best to hire a new knight for you.”

you blink. eyelashes fluttering. all you can hear is the pitter patter of rain against the windowpane. 

then you groan.

”another one?” you whine, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet on the floor. ”please, no. it’s such a pain getting rid of them. you know they won’t last long!”

”we aren’t talking about any ordinary knight,” he tuts, as monotone as ever. ignoring your little temper tantrum. ”after what happened with toji zenin, we aren’t taking any chances.”

you tilt your head. confused, for a moment. ”toji?” the gears of your mind turn, clicking into place; zenin. a family of assassins, a man with a scar on his bottom lip. ”ohhh — the hottie.”

your father pretends not to hear you. 

”it was a close call,” he hums, and you muster the strength not to crack another joke about his biceps. it takes restraint. ”we need someone who can protect you properly. indefinitely, from even the stealthiest of assassins. so…”

your eyes meet his. gazes overlapping, the same colour, one above and one below. he’s always, always towered over you. for as long as you remember. 

that is what royalty means — absolute dominion. 

(it makes you want to curl into a ball.)

”today, you’ll be meeting with the greatest knight.” he says the words with an odd sense of pride, an inner satisfaction. ”he’ll be here any moment. i thought it best for you to get acquainted as soon as possible.”

a moment passes. you’re broken out of your bout of compliance, like a rubber band snapping. a clock tick quickening. ”wait, what?” you gape. ”father —”

”your majesty.” 

…

the correction is stern. gritting your teeth, you force the words from out your throat. ”… your majesty,” there’s a slight grumble to your voice, ”what the hell? now? i haven’t even —”

”you have no choice in this matter,” he cuts you off. coldly, coldly, coldly. ”behave, and there won’t be any complications.”

behave.

behave, behave, behave. it’s all they ever want from you.

(you might as well be a pet.)

the queen is silent, as always. eerily so, not saying a word, like a puppet on a string. she hasn’t looked you in the eye even once so far, not even a passing glance. not like you’d expect her to. her clockwork heart stopped beating for you a long time ago. 

automatons, the both of them. making decisions for you, like there isn’t a sliver of rational thought in your brain. how irritating.

you’re just about to part your lips, when —

”… am i interrupting?”

you still.

a velvety voice. silky, smooth, tailored by the finest seamstress — tucked between the slightest raspy vowel, a hint of something deeper. it sounds like honey, wine, a molten mass of spring clouds. 

the king ahead of you brightens, suddenly, lips curling up into a smile. it looks almost warm; you didn’t know he was capable of making that kind of expression. ”ah, suguru!” he calls out to the source of the noise. ”no, certainly not. forgive me for the short notice.”

when you turn around, you see a knight.

he’s beautiful. gorgeous, even. fair skin, sharp facial features, no scars to be seen. a sword hangs in a scabbard by his hip, and he’s wearing a set of armor, still glistening with the aftermaths of the rain beating down outside. his hair cascades down the metal like a black river, loose and silky, a single strand obscuring his pretty face. and his eyes are a soothing shade of brown; you’re almost certain they’d look warm, if there was any sunlight to engulf them. as it is, in the shadow of a murky spring morning, they’re a dark cedar, almost obsidian. but they look kind. 

and they’re fixed on the king. he’s smiling, too, a dangerous little tilt. disgustingly charming. he hangs his head in a bow, hand on his heart — reverent.

(ah. he’s one of those knights.)

”my king,” the strange knight greets, tongue wrapping around the vowels like a dragon curling around a pile of gold. ”not at all. i’m always grateful for an opportunity to see you.”

(oh god. it’s even worse than you thought.)

”i should say the same of you,” the king echoes, with a warmth that you’re wholly unaccustomed to. your stomach churns, swirling with discomfort. ”our nation��s pride and joy.”

the knight chuckles; muffled by his closed fist. he’s feigning embarrassment, you can tell. ”you flatter me,” he purrs, words flowing smoothly from his lips. too smoothly. ”i’m simply doing my duty as one of your subjects. but, needless to say — i’m honoured to have earned your respect.”

finally, his gaze shifts to you. and you think he must notice how disgusted you are, the reproach you feel for him, that silent contempt. because you aren’t trying to hide it; it’s there, clear as day, in the crease of your brow, your frosty pupils. lips pursed, like they’re aching to bare and to bite.

but he continues to smile. warm, still, like a mellow summer breeze. a well of pizzicato drops.

you feel a little nauseous.

”ah, and you must be the royal heir?” a tilt of his head, knowing. a shimmer of recognition painted in those ashen eyes. ”or should i say…. my liege.” 

he walks towards you, in long strides, slow and steady, only to get down on one knee. ew. ”forgive me; my name is suguru geto. your knight, from this day forth.” his palm unfurls, cedar eyes crinkling with feigned endearment. holding it out towards the subject of his newfound devotion. ”i’m delighted to finally meet you.”

(suguru geto. you’ve heard of him, of course. who hasn’t?)

his hand stills in the air, waiting patiently for yours; to bring it to his glossy lips. but you don’t do anything. nothing, other than studying his smile, picture perfect, tailor-made, sweet enough to melt on your tongue. so sweet you know it must be at least a little bit fake — the smile of a liar. 

it’s a smile you know well.

so you mimic it, a bitter glint in your eyes, only for your hands to retreat to your pockets. and out comes a purr. ”you’re a bad actor.”

silence. the knight doesn’t flinch, not even close, but he blinks, a flutter of his dark eyelashes. like a raven taking flight. that everlasting smile never falters, but for just a second, a clock-tick or two, you swear you catch the slightest hint of something flickering through his keen iris.

interest?

”forgive them, suguru,” the king is quick to chip in, finally stepping down from his throne to join you on the floor. the queen doesn’t move, but she gives suguru a fond smile, and it makes your grimace deepen. ”they woke up on the wrong side of bed this morning. and they’re a bit of a problem child — i’m sure you’ve heard.”

that makes you snicker, silently. maybe just a little bit smug. you’re sure it must be a headache for him to deal with.

”i can’t say i haven’t,” suguru chuckles, raising himself up from the marble floor. your smile falls. ”but it’s not an issue. i understand.”

he looks at you, really looks at you, and you give him an unimpressed stare. wholly disinterested. trying not to squirm under his scrutiny. 

”i’m sure it must feel suffocating — being under this kind of supervision.” he gives you a tilt of his head, strands of charcoal following the movement. smooth, like a waltz, one you didn’t agree to. ”isn’t it?”

ah. the sympathy card.

before you can answer, he bows; hand on his heart. knights and their rituals. ”i’m at your service, my liege. if i make you uncomfortable, at any point, just tell me.” once more, he meets your gaze, a sincerity in his own — reserved just for you. ”really.”

… ugh.

to your right comes a pleased voice, deep and satisfied, as self-affirming as ever. ”i knew i could entrust them to you,” the king speaks, placing a palm on your shoulder. you try not to flinch. ”aren’t you grateful? this handsome, kind man is all yours.”

a sharp scoff is all you can muster, nails digging into the skin of your palm. but suguru only chuckles, good-natured.

they continue to speak, about this and that. you tune out most of it, caught up in preparing for the long headache ahead. sure, you’re an expert at getting knights to quit, but it takes time. weeks, sometimes, just to make them finally crack, push and push until their patience reaches its limit. and suguru seems resilient. more than anything, he seems thoroughly loyal to the king; that really doesn’t bode well for you.

but before you can formulate a step-by-step guide to making his job a living hell, the sound of your name snaps you out of your trance.

it’s the king, of course, as always. you hate that you still instinctively respond to his call. like an obedient puppy. ”show suguru to your quarters. he’ll be accompanying you indefinitely, from now on. don't give him any trouble.” his voice finally sounds cold again; a warning. ”i’ll hear about it.”

(indefinitely.)

a moment passes. then you sigh, deep and heavy, haphazardly hiding a roll of your eyes. ”yeah, yeah, yeah,” you cross your arms. ”i got it.”

suguru meets your furrowed brows with something gentle, a soothing little smile. offering his arm, for you to hold on to. knights and their rituals. ”shall we?”

but you brush past him. stubborn in your independence, in your desire to make this as discomforting for him as it is for you. ”follow me,” is all you say, a dissatisfied huff. loud enough to pick up on.

to your great displeasure, he matches your hurried pace. side by side, as you walk down the halls, the clicking of his shoes echoing against the marble. a shadow you can’t shine away; one that’ll stay with you indefinitely. you feel his gaze burn into you.

”my lord.”

”don’t talk to me,” you sigh, sharp like the sword by his hip. a low click of your tongue. ”just so you know, i didn’t agree to this.”

”that was my question, actually,” he grins, ever so slightly. fingertips tapping against his scabbard. ”i am sorry, you know. i meant what i said — i’m sure it’s difficult for you.” he casts you another one of those meaningful glances, a meaning you have no intention of discerning. ”but i have my orders.”

you bite back a laugh. ”you guys love those, huh?” when you turn your head to face him, still walking forward, he’s met with a taunting smirk. ”your little orders.”

but his smile doesn’t falter. damn.

”not a fan of knights?” he asks, instead, a playful lilt to his syrupy voice. coaxing, accommodating. infuriating.

”nope.” your footsteps quicken — but he keeps up, effortlessly. curse those abnormally long legs. ”you’re all just bootlickers. especially you.”

”oh?”

”don’t oh? me,” you snap, practically growling, ”like you weren’t seconds away from making out with the king back there. it’s all so fake.” the comment makes the corners of his lip quirk up, but you don’t turn around to see it. ”now that you’re alone with me, you’re already acting way less uptight, see?”

he hums. ”i figured it’d make you feel more at ease.”

”god, will you just cut it out?” a hiss breaks out of your throat, sharp and exasperated. tired, drained. you just want to go back to sleep. ”quit acting like you care about what i think. you’ll do whatever the king asks of you — that’s all you really care about.”

suguru stays silent, this time. matching your steps, observing you silently, out of the corner of his eye. the frown on your lips, the crease between your brows. etching them into his memory. you’re pissed, that much he can tell. and you definitely, definitely don’t like him. 

(”you’re a bad actor.”)

the knight comes to a standstill. parting his lips, enough for his voice to flow through, silken sheets and molten honey. a raspy tilt he tries his best to hide.

but his words carry a sincerity he could never fake. 

”from now on, i serve you.”

when the clicking of his shoes against cold marble flooring fades away, you halt. turning around, hesitantly, quirking a questioning brow. rain beats on beyond the window to your left, flicking against the glass, droplets clinging to the translucent surface. marigold petals kiss the windows in a flurry of cream and orange, fluttering about with the harsh bites of the wind, carried from the castle’s orchard. the endless hallway you find yourselves in smells of rainwater and spring.

suguru looks steadfast, where he’s standing, immovable. a little like a pillar of salt. when he speaks it sounds like he’s reciting a scripture.

”i’m loyal to the king. i have to follow his orders.” 

there’s something about his words that you can’t quite pinpoint. is it guilt or pride? ”but i am at your service. certain things are set in stone, but not others. i’ll let you decide how this goes.”

the hallway goes silent. he smiles, again, smaller this time. somehow more genuine.

”from now on, i’m your knight.” the pitter patter of rain mashes with the steady beating of a clock; rhythmic, soothing, a lullaby of rust and time. ”that’s all. i won’t be anything else.”

you stare. lips pursed, awaiting a clarification, but it doesn’t come. he’s giving you time to respond.

(he’s your knight, now. indefinitely yours.)

an inhale. the clock hands of your heart begin to move. ”in that case,” you exhale, lips curling up into a taunting smile. pleased with yourself. ”i promise to be the most insufferable lord a knight has ever had. i won’t make your job easy for you.”

and suguru only chuckles. raspy, like the bark of a tree, claw marks on the ground. ”good,” he grins, eyes rich with mirth, golden pears hanging off the branches. ”i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

he looks sincere. sounds sincere. all you do is blink, a sense of frustration nibbling at your heart, but the knight before you doesn’t falter. he only offers his arm to you, once more; a silent step towards reconciliation.

you watch him, silently. 

then you’re turning on your heel, swiftly, a low grumble at the base of your throat. ignoring him and his offer, walking towards your room with irritated steps that fade as you turn the corner.

behind you, suguru’s smile only grows.

”good morning, your highness.”

blinking sleepily, still regaining your ability to form coherent thoughts, all you can do is stare. studying the figure above you, towering over your half-asleep form, the deadpan expression on your face.

black hair, and amber eyes. a disgustingly charming smile. 

the gears of your mind finally click into place.

a whine flows from your lips, meek and disapproving, and you roll over to your side. pulling the covers over your head, as if to protect you from the existence of your newly hired knight. so it wasn’t just a bad dream.

but he doesn’t fade away, like an apparition. he stays right by your bed, crouching down next to it. you feel the weight of the mattress shift when he rests his elbow on the cushion. ”still too early?” he asks, soft enough not to grate your sensitive ears. ”i was told you usually get up around this time…”

a muffled groan. ”leave.”

”i’m afraid i can’t,” he hums, but you don’t sense much remorse. ”i’m not supposed to let you out of my sight for more than brief intervals at a time… that’s one thing i can’t compromise on.”

”i don’t care,” you whine, petulant. tightening your grip on the blanket surrounding you, desperate to savour the leftovers of your fuzzy dreams. ”’m not getting up…”

a click of his tongue. quiet, contemplative. until he decides on a course of action.

”would you like me to bring you breakfast, then?”

…

slowly, your eyes flicker open, consciousness beginning to stir. the tasty temptation rouses you from your half-slumber, ever so slightly; because he sounds sincere. he sounds like he really will bring you breakfast, if you just give him the order. 

it’s tempting. dangerously so. 

(how long has it been since one of the maids actually bothered to serve you breakfast?)

”… whatever,” you croak, finally. weighing the value of your own response — putting effort into not sounding too excited. (but you are.) ”sure. do what you want, just let me sleep.”

a relieved little breath slips from suguru’s lips, as he watches the lump under the blanket stir. ”alright,” he breathes. ”what would you like, my lord?”

(suddenly, you get an idea.)

a smug grin crawls up to rest on your lips, fresh mischief on your mind. ”figure it out yourself,” you chirp, awfully pleased with yourself. 

silence. 

then, you hear him hum — rising to his feet with a quiet groan. ”understood,” he quips. ”i’ll be back as soon as possible, your highness.”

when you hear the creaking of the door, as he steps over the threshold, you barely restrain the urge to kick your legs in victory. now he’s sure to get you the wrong breakfast; and then you can be as difficult as you please, demanding something else, over and over. an ungrateful, spoiled little brat. that’ll definitely make him quit. 

— sadly, it seems you were underestimating him. just a tiny, tiny bit.

before you, on a silver tray, lays a wide variety of breakfast foods. everything from syrupy pancakes and buttery croissants to neatly cut sandwiches and porridge, slices of fruit and fresh lemonade, coffee with cream and sugar, tiny jars of marmalade and jam. sparkling, glittering, begging to be devoured. handmade, you can tell, meticulously crafted by someone who knows what they’re doing. with a gulp, you attempt not to openly salivate — you had no clue the kitchen workers were this talented. 

for just a moment, you’re entirely speechless. he really went ahead and got you some of everything.

stumbling for the right words, any words, the only thing that escapes your throat is a meek huff. meant to sound displeased, but coming out just a little awestruck. ”this is… way, way too much. are you insane?”

he only shrugs. a sweet smile on his lips, sharp jaw resting on the heel of his palm. ”well, you wouldn’t give me any specifics,” he reminds you, a bit too smug for your liking. ”just eat what you like. i’ll keep your preferences in mind.”

you want to protest, want to put up a fight. want to resist his charms, his little peace offering.

but your stomach growls, suddenly. loud enough that you’re sure he hears it, but you don’t turn around to see any silent laughter — just picking up the fork, embarrassed, eager to just get rid of the ache in your gut. eager to get a taste of the delicacies in front of you. with hesitance, you cut into one of the fluffy pancakes, slathered with syrup, trying to ignore his expectant gaze. biting into it with your eyes closed.

when the sweet taste curls around your tongue, you physically feel yourself perk up. letting your eyes flutter open, your eyebrows raised, a sweetness that makes you sit up straighter. it practically melts in your mouth, honeyed and buttery, and it takes all your willpower to withhold a blissed out little sigh. 

it must be evident, on your features. because suguru sounds amused when he asks; ”good?”

”... better than usual, i guess.”

despite your half-assed attempt at hiding how pleased you are, his ever-present smile extends. ”oh, really?” he leans back in his chair, right next to the bed. exhaling in relief. ”i’m glad. i was worried my cooking wouldn’t be to your tastes.”

…

you pale.

silently, both awestruck and horrified, you look up to meet his teasing gaze. ”wait. you…” a pause. silent, palpable, dreading his answer. ”… made this?” 

”yes.”

another pause. 

”… like. all of it?”

”mhm.”

your gaze falls down to seek solace in your lap. avoiding his own, biting down on your lip, not quite enough to sting. fuck — you accidentally complimented his handmade breakfast. not off to a great start.

wallowing in your silent loss, you simply dig in; desperate to savour it, despite the lingering taste of failure on your tongue. once you’ve sipped the last of your coffee, foamy and rich, the knight to your right speaks up.

”so, your highness,” he begins. tactful, careful. clearing his throat. ”now that you’ve woken up a bit… and, forgive me if i’m overstepping, but —” he searches for your guarded gaze, playing with the beginnings of a smile. ”i was thinking it’d be good for us to get to know each other better.”

”ugh.”

a chuckle — seriously, does nothing offend this man? — flits past his lips. ”oh, don’t be like that, your highness. don’t you think it —”

”cut it out.” you shoot him a glare, voice set to a shivering tilt. ”stop acting like some perfect servant. it’s so obvious you’re playing it up.” a tiny huff, as you pop an apple slice into your mouth. ”makes me sick.”

”… right. you called my acting bad, before.”

”it is,” you nod, a mocking imitation on your tongue. eyes fluttering shut as you bring a hand to your chest. ”oooh, look at me, i’m so humble and loyal! why, of course i don’t mind being summoned with no prior notice! would you like me to lick your shoes, my sweet king?”

and, honestly, you expect him to get at least a little bit angry. the last guy certainly was.

but suguru laughs, suddenly, from the bottom of his gut — a genuine sound. sunshine spilling from his lips, amusement laced together with the octaves. his eyes are crinkled at the edges, like the leaves of a golden ginkgo tree. ”okay, okay,” he puts his hands up, as if readying for a smooth surrender. still amused. ”i’ll try to be more… unguarded, then. would that satisfy you?”

you give him a look. 

he returns it with a smile. ”i’ll take that as a yes,” is all he croons, reaching a hand out. it hangs still in the air, waiting patiently for a response. a familiar sight.

you blink. looking at it, silently, as if trying to solve a puzzle in the pattern of his fingertips. 

then you sigh. ”for the last time, i’m not letting you kiss my hand, you —”

”a handshake,” he cuts you off. soft, a tilt of his head; awfully charming. reassuring you. ”no kissing involved.”

a handshake.

(come to think of it, you don’t think anyone’s ever tried to shake your hand before. it’s something you see other people do; maids, knights, butlers. people on equal ground with each other.)

after a moment of silence, you avert your gaze. there’s a slight, slight flush to your cheeks, one you hope stays hidden from his keen eyes. you grumble, intent on not appeasing him. ”… i’m not shaking your hand, either.”

suguru quirks a brow, smile yet to fall, waiting a few moments more until he gives in. ”you are difficult,” he chuckles, and it sounds almost pleased. ”kento was right.”

kento? now, why does that sound familiar…? 

”— but that’s okay. i look forward to getting to know you better, either way.” his hand retreats to his lap, pliant. ”eventually.”

”that’s not happening.”

”oh?” you swear that smile of his grows, just a little. a man who enjoys a good challenge. humming, closing his eyes for a brief second, switching tactics as if shifting gears. ”then, tell me — is there anything you’d like to know about me?”

hell no, is what you want to say. and you almost, almost do. eager to move one step ahead of him, stubborn in your desire to scare him off.

but then you remember the tale.

so you still, ever so slightly, and suguru leans forward. by a hair, noticing your expression, maybe, the curiosity simmering in your veins. seeping out, little by little, and even though you know you shouldn’t — you just can’t resist the temptation to ask…

”… is it true?”

he tilts his head.

��the … you know.” you move your hands, a bit, as if hoping they’ll say the words for you. they don’t. ”your sword. did you really…” a pause, as your eager gaze trails down to his hip, the scabbard attached to his belt. and then a gulp. 

”… pull it out of a stone?”

a series of silent blinks. then suguru chuckles — dripping with fresh amusement, a glimmer of teeth behind his lips. ”oh, so you’ve heard?”

and, like a pair of shooting stars, your eyes flicker over to meet his. almost gleaming with newfound excitement, a little erratic. ”is — is it true?”

”it’s an old folktale,” he’s quick to intercept. ”gets said about basically every great knight… or, what the public deems as good, anyhow.”

(ah. the humble facade slipped away.)

in a matter of seconds, you seem to deflate, slumping back until your spine meets the headboard. sulking silently. ”so you didn't pull your sword out of a rock?” you huff, mood souring again, a lemony flavour in your veins. ”lame.”

”stone,” he corrects, unperturbed. ”and i'm afraid not.” he gives you another one of his placating smiles, barely concealed amusement swimming in his amber eyes. ”i pulled mine from an oak tree.”

…

”wait, really?”

the gleam in your eyes is back. suguru almost, almost feels bad.

”depends,” he quips, shooting you a lazy grin. ”how gullible are you, my lord?”

(... oh. he was teasing you.)

an embarrassed heat crawls up your neck, rooting itself into the column of your throat, and all you can do to distract him from it is to scoff. sharply, as if hoping just the sound will be enough to cut into his smooth skin. ”whatever.”

suguru continues to smile, crows’ feet by his eyes, something deliberate in his silent stare. so you stumble for something, anything to say.

”also, can you quit the my lord stuff?” you settle on, taking a shallow sip of the lemonade. sour and sweet, nice and chilled on your tongue. ”it’s creepy.”

he blinks. a flutter of his dark lashes, fingers tapping at his bended knee. he looks contemplative, for a moment. ”does it make you uncomfortable?” he asks, tilting his head. ”i can stick to my liege, if that’s better. just say the word.” 

”god, you’re so annoying,” you groan, licking the lemony residue off your lips. ”just use my name.”

suddenly, suguru stills. fingertips frozen, for a moment, no longer tapping at his thigh. he traps his bottom lip between his teeth, a hesitant hum crawling up the confines of his throat. 

”that….” he trails off, thumb absentmindedly smoothing over the leather of his scabbard. ”seems a little much.”

when you turn to look at him, he seems a little put off. uncomfortable, maybe — or just caught off guard? it’s hard to get a read on him. for someone who smiles so often, his emotions don’t appear very bright.

a pang of something grasps onto your clockwork heart, and a frown pulls at your bottom lip. frustration gnawing at your veins. ”you’re here to service me, aren’t you?” you ask, with a shallow huff. ”just do as i say.”

”well, i still have my boundaries.” suguru leans back, crossing his legs, gazing at you with slightly lidded eyes. ”and, on paper — i’m only here to protect you. the servicing is my own choice.” 

a very, very judgemental look. he returns it with a tug of his lips. 

”… you really do like being ordered around, don’t you?”

suguru shrugs. playful. ”makes me feel needed,” he purrs, watching you wolf down the breakfast he made.

once you’ve had your fill, he’s quick to gather the silver tray in his steady arms, and you do your very best to hold back from thanking him for the meal. it aches a little, but you can’t give in — you don’t have a choice. you can’t allow yourself to be anything other than the most ungrateful, annoying royal in the kingdom.

anything to snap his clockwork heart in half.

— a week passes with no particular developments. you try your damndest to bother him, but suguru is stubborn. stubborn enough that you’re starting to doubt he’ll ever leave you alone, no matter how much you ignore him, or hiss at him, or whine at him to make you an annoyingly specific assortment of breakfast foods.

he never stops smiling, no matter how bothersome you’re being. the tick-tock of his patience remains unbroken. 

(so for now, you figure you’ll just have to adjust.)

a sense of contentment simmers in the open air, when suguru knocks at your door, waiting for a groan and a grouchy come in. it takes you a few moments longer to respond than what he’s used to, and he notes that you sound a little less irritated when you do.

as he steps over the threshold, bowing his head instinctevely, he’s met with the sight of you fully immersed. holding a paintbrush between your fingers, lifting it, movements delicate, self-assured. like it comes to you without thinking. you’re seated right by the window, enough for the would-be daylight to flicker in. as it stands, the weather is still sour. 

he walks up to you, as always, never more than a few steps away.

and, for a moment, all he does is watch you. silently, as you dip your brush in smeary cobalt paint, a splatter of colour on the white canvas. melting together with the indigo and obsidian. there’s a certain rhythm to it, a kind of dance between you and your mind and the painting in front of you — not even close to being finished. a dip of your brush blooms into a jaw, a flick of your wrist into a set of fangs. cobalt cream and silvery edges, an imitation of what you saw in your sleep. murky, blurry, a dream-like clearing in the woods. 

as you work, a sense of relaxation smooths along your sinuses. coaxing you into breathing out, into letting your clenched jaw rest for a while. turning all your irritation into brushstrokes. into a hungry, hungry wolf. 

finally, your knight opts to break the silence.

”you’re quite talented.” 

it’s an earnest comment. filled with respect, not the idle flattery you’re so used to. and despite yourself, you can’t help but grin — glowing a little beneath the praise. prideful, smug, almost giddy. he watches intently as your expression shifts, as those fleeting flickers of joy dance along the contours of your cheekbones. as you lap up his praise like the chamomile tea he served you this morning.

suguru smiles. you have a cute side, he thinks. for no more than a mere moment, he finally feels as if he’s getting somewhere; getting closer to breaking that thorny, thorny shell of yours. closer to meeting the little lamb beneath the wolf’s hide.

but your mind quickly catches up to your body, realizing that your lips are curled up into a pleased smile, and you clench your jaw again. mindful not to let him see it. painting makes you far too careless, too unguarded; you have to be mean.

stuck in a bout of frustration, you put a little too much force into the motion of your fingers, a small slip of the hand. but that’s all it takes. suddenly, the smooth, calm sea of fur on the canvas turns violent, a little more unruly, and you withhold a wince. doing your best to mend the damage. flick, flick, across the canvas, as if to appease the hungry wolf. 

from behind you, a tiny exhale. laced with a kind of stifled amusement, one that makes you snap your jaw in his direction. brows knitted in anger.

”what?”

suguru clears his throat. ”nothing, my liege,” he hides a smile behind his knuckle. eyes gliding across the murky smear of fangs and fur, interest piqued. ”i’m just curious… why a wolf?”

a huff. briefly, you consider ignoring him, but….

(something in his tone convinces you not to.)

”… i saw one,” you admit, absently, staring at the blue and gray of the canvas. flick, flick. violet, navy, a little more depth. ”in my dream.”

silence. your knight doesn’t respond. surely, he must think you childish; everyone else does. why would he be the exception? why did you tell him anything at all? 

a sense of regret mixes with the paint. the weight of a brush in your hand truly does make you careless, doesn’t it?

”… huh.”

a clenching of teeth. you muster the will to turn your head, just to give him a questioning look, a silent aggression. biting before he can. but he’s not looking at you; he’s looking at the painting, the wolf that isn’t quite a wolf yet, just blue and gray on paper. a blur of messy motions.

then he shakes his head. ”no, nothing.” 

you quirk a brow. 

but you don’t say anything. falling silent, falling back into the rhythm of it all, painting until you grow bored of it. the wolf looks at you both, still thoroughly unfinished, jaw half-painted, no trees or knights to keep it company. solitary, blurry; baring its fangs towards no one at all. a sorry spectacle of teeth.

— a couple days later, as you’re walking through the castle with suguru in tow, still adamantly refusing to curl your fingers around his bicep, a loud crash breaks you out of your hushed banter.

the two of you share a look. it came from farther away, just beyond the next turn, a certain hallway decorated with delicate vases. one the castle maids desperately tried to keep you from, when you were younger, worried about your habit of jumping around while pretending to be some sort of feral animal. worried, of course, about the safety of the porcelain rather than the safety of the child.

it doesn’t take a genius to figure out the source of the sound. and, lo and behold, what waits beyond the turn ahead is a crying boy and a broken vase.

fat tears cascade down his reddened cheeks, silent fear knit into the way his face is scrunched up. he can’t be older than six or seven; one of the maid’s children, you assume, the kind that doesn’t have the luxury of making mistakes. he looks panicked, down on his knees, holding a large piece of porcelain, painted flowers etched into the front.

what a mess.

when the clicking of your shoes reaches his little ears, he looks up at you with wide, shameful eyes. still sitting amongst the littered shards, the spilt water and irises soon to wilt. it reminds you of something, a memory you don’t quite want to recall; a different child, tiny and alone. taught to feel shame at the moment of their birth. 

it makes your pace falter, a bit, but suguru moves without hesitation. long, careful strides, one foot after the other. 

he crouches down in front of the boy, gentle as he takes the shattered piece of porcelain from his tiny palm. so he doesn’t hurt himself. ”hey, hey, it’s okay,” he soothes, speaking even softer than usual, his voice like a flurry of feathers and jasmine petals. ”are you hurt?”

he’s patient. smiling comfortingly, considerate, grounding, a blanket of wool like the one forming on the border of the horizon. but the child continues to sniffle and hiccup, curling into a ball as if readying for a strike. like an abandoned puppy.

you sigh.

after a moment’s hesitation, you’re stepping forward, figure slipping from the shadows and coming into view. joining the miserable pair, the jagged shards on the marble floor. 

there’s a cold, cold look in your eyes when the boy raises his head to meet them.

a flick of your wrist; you wave your hand once, then twice. ”shoo. hurry up.” 

he blinks. tears clumping his lashes together, cheeks flushed from the panic of it all. he stammers when he parts his lips. ”b… but —”

”didn’t you hear me?” comes a scoff, harsh, cutting through the air. right through the fear and panic. ”that was an order. just run back to your mommy already.” you cross your arms, shaking your head in disapproval. mimicking the king, though you think it’s lost on your spectators. ”all that crying is making my head hurt, geez.”

a series of hesitant blinks. crumbling beneath your commanding gaze, the child stumbles to his feet, sparing suguru one last unsure little glance before scurrying off. the sigh that slips from your lips is quiet, barely audible, tinged with relief. 

when you look down to the floor, you find that suguru is already looking at you; a furrow to his brows. angry, for once. just a tiny, tiny flicker of distaste. you reward him with a cold smile. 

(so this is how you get under this skin. cruelty, aimed not towards him, but towards the defenseless. 

what a picture-perfect, self-destructive little knight.)

just as the child turns the corner ahead, you hear the echo of a maid calling out from behind you. her voice is dripping with fatigue, exasperation, a flurry of sighs you’ve grown far too familiar with.

”your highness! what have you done now?”

there it is, you think; the curtain call you’ve been waiting for. with a swift turn of your heel, sheepish expression ready to go, your focus shifts onto one sole objective — act annoying.

”walked into a vase,” you chirp, proudly, just the slightest bit theatrical. gesturing dismissively towards the broken spectacle, as suguru raises himself from the floor. ”my bad. not my fault you make them so easy to break, though.”

she inches closer, with a disapproving stare, and you hear a tick-tock in your ear. sensing the limit of her patience. ”i’ll have you know these vases are expensive,” she clicks her tongue. ”do you truly think you can go around breaking whatever you please?”

”… well. i mean… i do kind of own this place, don’t i? or — i will.” you tilt your head, faux contemplation on your features, shifting into a spoiled smile. ”so — technically — i broke my own vase. no harm done!”

”… my lord —”

”quiet.” suguru stiffens, ever so slightly, following your sharp whisper. ”don’t fuck this up.”

he looks at you, silently. not saying another word.

(there’s a shame in his eyes that you don’t turn your head to see.)

it doesn’t take long for the maid to shoo you away, pinching her brow at your carefree laughter, bitter at the prospect of cleaning up your mess. she makes sure to give suguru a sweet smile, though, and doesn’t bother to hide the sympathy in it. sympathy for him, such a handsome, well-behaved knight, forced to service such a brat.

the smile he gives her in return is a stiff one. almost, almost cold. but he bows, and follows your retreating form, until you’re all alone together.

the walk is silent. maybe just a little heavy, as you try to ignore the stare burning into your skin, trying to swallow your own displeasure. it’s subtle, something you learned to internalize long ago, but it’s there; a slight sadness. you don’t enjoy getting yelled at.

a thick silence stretches on, before crumbling into dust. you aren’t sure how much time has passed when a certain velvety voice curls around your senses.

”your highness.”

he’s come to a standstill, again. you really should just ignore him and keep walking. but you still, anyway, following his cue, turning towards him with a look that says what now? — you aren’t sure what to expect. certainly not the sentence that ends up spilling from his lips, like a spring breeze through an opened window, tinged with something you fear may be close to fondness. 

(in your chest, your heartbeat tick-tocks.)

he smiles, gentle, with eyes that see right through you. and he speaks. 

”you’re actually kind, aren’t you?”

…

”… huh?”

he pays no mind to your stupefied expression. continuing, unperturbed, eyeing you with a look you distinctly dislike — as if he’s trying to glimpse into your mind. ”the vase,” he hums. ”you took the blame, even though you didn’t do it.”

a huff escapes you. face hardening, setting into firm lines. ”that wasn't intentional,” you grumble, defensive. ”i just wanted him to leave.” 

but suguru shakes his head. ”you could’ve left when the maid came. but you stayed, and lied, and got yelled at so he wouldn’t have to.” a second passes, silence thick with meaning. intentional on his part, you’re sure. ”is that not what you’d call kind?”

another moment gone, little tick-tocks of your heartbeat counting down. you part your lips, but no sound comes out, as you stumble for words to say. irritation stirring in your veins. or is it nervosity? you think your skin feels a little hot, suddenly. 

just what the hell is happening?

”i’m… i’m not — ” you bite down on your lip. harshly. stammering, voice cracking a bit, to your great dismay. ”… not kind. i hate all of them.”

”but you protect them,” he whispers, ”look after them.” his smile doesn’t waver, never ever, but you’ve never seen it look quite this knowing. and suddenly, he’s closing in on you, gazing at you with laughter in his eyes. 

you try to stand your ground, wanting nothing more than to flee, curl into yourself, scratch at him until he leaves. but your throat feels so dry, all of a sudden, a sensation that only deepens with the next words he breathes into life. 

”a little sweetheart who pretends to be all big and bad…” he eyes you up and down, a meaningful look, raven locks moving as he tilts his head. towering over you. ”is that what you are?”

nothing. no smart reply comes to you. all you can muster is a harsh glare, a low hiss crawling up your throat, like you’re preparing to lunge at him. it serves as a warning, but the amusement in his eyes doesn’t fluctuate. ”you…”

he chuckles. raspy, breathy, a shiver down your spine. ”your acting is even worse than mine.”

”shut up,” you snap, baring your teeth. it comes out almost like a growl, hot and heavy in your veins, and you don’t understand where all this emotion came from. strangling you, bubbling up within your bobbing throat. ”you don’t — understand me, okay?”

no one does. 

and that’s fine. you don’t want them to. 

(you just want him to stop looking you so fondly.)

”not yet,” he admits, eyes fluttering shut. a thoughtful hum on the tip of his tongue. ”… but i think i’m beginning to.” 

he’s looking at you, again, amber and honey and raven lashes, lapping up every hint of a tell in the way you shift from foot to foot. speaking like he knows you, like he’s known you all his life. ”you act difficult — scare everyone away… but deep down, you love them, don’t you?”

a scoff. desperate. ”no.”

”you want to loved,” he continues, not allowing you to flee. relentless in his pursuit of whatever he imagines must be hidden inside your soul, beneath all those layers of frost. ”understood. everyone does.”

”not me.”

”your highness.”

…

the knight continues to look at you, and you avoid his gaze like it could burn you into cinders — like it could turn you into dust. but he parts his lips, anyway, and speaks. so sincere it makes your chest hurt. words that echo through the endless hallways of the castle, against the surfaces of glass that line the walls. words that make your skin flush under the shadows of rain soon to fall.

he smiles, wide, teeth showing. and he speaks. 

”that was very, very kind of you.”

silence. so thick you wonder if you’re about to faint, or fall to the floor, or something equally embarrassing. a sentence so simple shouldn’t be making you feel this way, this weird. you don’t understand why it makes you feel anything, anything at all, and you don’t understand why your eyes suddenly feel a little glassy.

(someone saw through the act.)

”… whatever,” you squeeze out, at last, but it sounds a little meek. a tiny puff of air. turning around, sharply, blinking rapidly to shoo the tears away. ”i just didn’t want to hear that brat whining. it was hurting my ears.” 

suguru bites back a coo.

as he watches your back retreat, hurrying back to the comfort of your room, he’s almost certain that he’s making progress. that your walls are beginning to crumble, slowly but surely, bit by bit. the path before him clears — a thorny, foggy path through the woods, until a sunsplatter falls on the ground and tells him where to plant his feet. 

it’s not much, barely anything, but suguru’s always liked his hunts blindsighted. 

you turn a corner, and he follows suit. sparing a passing glance at the clouds on the boundary of the horizon, the sole ray of sunlight breaking through. and then he’s catching up to you with long strides.

(it’s his duty, yes, but he doesn’t think he’d mind it so much — getting to know his kind, misunderstood little lord.)

sadly, disappointingly, to your great shame — you begin to grow used to suguru’s presence in your life. constant, always close behind, always ready to be of service. as infuriatingly patient as ever. it’s a stretch, but you may have become just the slightest bit fond of it. 

maybe, possibly, you’ve even silently decided to stop trying to scare him away. stop acting so difficult with him, all the time.

or, well — sometimes.

”take me outside, please?” you whine, bottom lip jutting out into a deep pout, accompanied by a flutter of your lashes. 

the voice that spills from your lips is hopelessly meek, pleading, so sweet you’d get cavities if you didn’t know how fake it was. effortless, perfected, your one god-given talent; an irresistible pair of puppy dog eyes. 

suguru answers with a smile, tight-lipped. ”no.”

a beat.

”aw, come on,” you whine, barely resisting the urge to stomp your feet. frustration bubbles up inside your veins, trickling down to your wrist, nails digging into your palm. ”why not? you’re supposed to listen to my every command!”

”still no, sweetheart.”

a series of grumbles scratch at the base of your throat, but suguru pays them no mind. patient, patient, patient. he’s even kind enough to ignore the way you pointedly avoid his gaze after the term of endearment slips past his lips. ”sorry, but that part is non-negotiable. you know i don’t have a choice.”

you do know. but it still makes your mood sour, pulls a sigh from out of your lips. he moves closer, familiar silver tray in hand, dragging a chair to where you’re seated by the windowsill.

”i did bring you this, though,” he gestures towards a particular glass bowl, filled with red berries. they shine like rubies in the light. ”strawberries, like you asked for. wasn’t easy to get a hold of.”

he places the tray right next to you, smiling as he takes a seat. ”cheer up, hm? don’t be so grumpy.”

your pout remains, but you do settle down a bit. just the teeniest, tiniest bit. definitely not because he was kind enough to indulge your cravings.

”… thanks for breakfast.” 

suguru beams, and you avoid his gaze, like always. biting into one of the rubies, the soft murmur of thanks still burning your tongue, soothed by sweet nectar. he lets you flee, lets you continue on like nothing happened, like it isn’t obvious how much you’ve warmed up to his presence. 

”you’re welcome, my lord.”

…

(even after spending more than a month together, he still won’t call you by name. won’t even entertain the idea. why does that bother you so much?)

peacefully, your morning ritual continues. the same as always; you eat, while suguru watches, a sweet smile on his lips. the silence remains until he opts to break it.

today, he sounds a little hesitant.

”say, your highness…” he picks at a piece of lint on his cloak, absentminded. ”could i ask you for a favour?”

you almost drop your fork. gaze snapping up to meet his own, as a few silent seconds tick on by. tick-tock, tick-tock. then you clear your throat, regaining your composure. trying to sound nonchalant. 

”what is it?” you probe, cutting across the yolk on your fried egg. watching the orange seep out, trickling down, sinking into the crust of your toast. suguru hums. 

”a friend of mine — he’s also a knight…” he wrings his hands together, legs parted. tapping his heel on the floor. ”we’ve been sparring together for a while. once a week, at least. but ever since the king hired me, we haven’t been able to.”

you watch as his gaze flickers down to his lap, then up to you again. it’s smooth, charming, but you still think it seems a little out of place. he must not be used to asking for favours.

”i was wondering if you’d be willing to accompany me? just down to the training fields by the castle.” his fingers tap against his bended knee, slow and methodical, from pointer to pinkie. ”the king gave us permission to spar there, but i’m obviously not allowed to let you out of my sight…”

you bite back a huff. obviously. he waits for a response that doesn’t come.

”… so?”

you meet his gaze, expectant. hopeful, maybe. it’s a nice touch — matches with the amber of his eyes.

”would that be alright with you?” he inquires, again. you think he sounds just a tiny bit unsure of himself.

a moment passes. silently, you look down at your lap. folded hands, itching to do something. something fun, new, exciting. 

your tongue forms around a wish. it spills into the air like a shooting star, a meek little whisper. ”… i wanna swing a sword.”

suguru blinks. once, then twice. ”you…” he tastes the words on his tongue, turning the image of you around in his head. ”want to swing a sword?

you nod. glancing at him, coughing a little under your breath. summoning just a bit of audacity, eyes trailing towards the sword by his hip. longingly. ”… i’ll only watch you spar if you let me try it.” 

a brief pause. he studies you intently, a mystery he’s yet to solve.

then he chuckles, light and airy, full of mirth. a sound you’ve grown fond of. ”well, okay. that’s fair.” he rises to his feet, smiling down at you. ”thank you, my lord.”

you don’t respond. but your eyes glitter with excitement, as you dutifully finish your breakfast, wolfing it down. waiting patiently for him to head down to the kitchen with the tray, for him to change into his training gear. 

when he knocks at your door, he’s wearing a flimsy little blouse. almost see-through, if you squint your eyes enough, exposing his bare skin. you think you see a scar curling up from his chest, reaching for his shoulder, just below it by a hair. and you can see his biceps, the fat, the muscle, practically begging to be bitten.

(tantalizing.)

he’s speaking to you, saying something, but you tune him out. focused on trying to restrain your growing urges. when he reaches up to fix his hair, tied up into a bun, the muscle of his arm twitches.

and, suddenly, you can’t contain yourself. 

giving in to the salivating temptation, you grab hold of his bicep, sinking your teeth into it — gentle, but enough that he feels it, enough to leave a set of teeth marks soon to fade. gnawing at it like a dog with a bone.

suguru blinks. pupils wide, quirking a silent brow, quick to smooth over the surprise in his eyes. 

you don’t move. teeth planted against the fabric, the firm muscle beneath it, surprising even yourself; his arm just looked so biteable. you wonder if he’s put off. upset.

but, as always, he’s eerily placating. like nothing you say or do could rock the ship of his patience, an endless sea. smooth, airy laughter flits past his lips, giving way to an indulgent smile. he studies you with fascination, like you’re a creature he hasn’t encountered before.

ever so gently, he grabs hold of your jaw — and the warmth of his touch shocks you into letting it go slack. before you can say anything, he’s rolling up his sleeve. exposing the tender skin.

”go wild, your highness,” he grins, offering his arm up like a lamb to a hungry fox. a teasing mirth in his eyes, his voice coming out as a low purr. ”i don't mind a mark or two.”

to your horror — it flusters you terribly.

you cough. taking a step back, averting your gaze, suddenly disinterested. feigning indifference, anyhow; that was definitely a scar. and a cool one, too. you think you might even have caught a glimpse of a birthmark or two. 

”i’m… just keeping you on your toes,” you stumble for an excuse, still unable to look at him properly. missing the way he stifles a bout of laughter. ”for your training, y’know? gotta stay on your guard.”

”of course. i appreciate the help,” he quips, fond, as he gestures for you to take the lead. ”he’s waiting for us. are you ready?”

for a second, just a second, you consider grabbing his arm. letting him guide you. but the thought is fleeting, like a bundle of peach blossoms, brushed away by the sunshine seeping in through the window’s glass — illuminating the marble flooring. 

a mellow excitement simmers in your bones. 

you head down to the training grounds with a pep in your step, and your loyal knight follows suit. just behind, always, wearing a smile you can’t see.

”suguru!”

the man that greets you with cheerful fervour, seated cross-legged under a peach tree, isn’t quite what you expected him to be. 

when you heard knight, you imagined someone a bit more… intimidating. but this guy is far from imposing. a little shorter than suguru, brown locks stopping right around his ears, exposing his sunkissed skin. freckles scattered across his nose and cheekbones, a happy little grin curled right around his lips. 

he’s cute. a bit like a puppy. not very knightly, though.

”haibara,” suguru greets, a mellow warmth to his voice. the man in question shoots up from the ground, stumbling towards you both, excitement in his hazel eyes. suguru gestures towards you. ”this is the royal heir. the one who doesn’t like having their hand kissed.”

your head whips towards him, an angered flush to your cheeks — you’re almost sure that he’s smirking, giving you a teasing glance, but haibara’s exclamation prevents you from voicing any protests. 

”hi!” he beams, bowing deeply, so sudden that you jolt a bit. his head whips up instantly, brown locks stirred by the breeze, voice warm and smooth. like honeysuckle nectar. ”thank you so much for letting us spar, your highness! i’ve heard so much about you!”

”… um.” your gaze falls down to a pebble on the ground. unsure of how to act, murmuring under your breath. ”you — it’s… no need to thank me. i wanted to get some air, anyway.”

he continues to look at you, eyes shining with a pure kind of cheer. glittering, honeyed and sweet, too bright to look at directly. you hear suguru exhale amusedly to your left. he’s looking right at you when you glance towards him. 

his hand inches closer to his scabbard, fingertips trailing down the leather. ”should we get started?”

haibara brightens even further, if possible. ”oh, right!” he exclaims. ”you wanted to try swinging a sword, your highness? that’s so exciting! is this your first time?”

a blink. you aren’t really sure how to handle this guy; he’s a bit too sunny to be snarky to. like a fuzzy ball of sunshine given human form, bouncing on the balls of his feet, tail practically wagging behind him. all you can muster is a weak cough. ”uh, yeah.”

”well, you’re here to learn.” suguru speaks up. guiding you both towards the center of the field, hand still at the sword on his hip. ”let me show you.”

in one smooth motion, he’s pulling it out of its sheath, a stripe of silver absorbing the rays of the sun. glimmering, slicing the blue sky in half. 

you’re a little awestruck.

and then he’s facing you. leaning forward, with a familiar tilt of his head, offering the blade with a smile. ”do you want to try swinging it around a bit?”

barely containing your excitement, you nod. making grabby hands at it.

that makes him chuckle. he makes no move to stop you when your fingers curl around the hilt, only parting his lips for a quick warning, a split second too late. you take it into your arms. ”careful, it’s a bit —”

— the sword clatters to the ground with a thud.

silence.

haibara breaks out into laughter, sudden, fond and warm, but enough to have your cheeks burning. fresh with embarrassment, humiliation, before you even hear the breathy chuckle that slips from your knight’s lips.

”… i was gonna say it’s a bit heavy,” he hums, closed knuckle in front of his lips and obscuring his smile. ”i’m sorry, my lord. do you —”

”whatever.” a hiss escapes your throat, and suguru winces. he knows where this is going; knows a bundle of thorns just erupted from the stalk of your spine, knows you're about to get defensive. ”like i’d ever want to touch your dusty sword. get — get real.”

he tries again. patient, patient. the familiar tick-tock of his never-ending kindness. ”hey, we aren’t making fun of you,” he soothes, hoping it’ll make your edges soften. like scratching a feral dog behind its ear. ”it’s understandable. you weren’t expecting it. i’ll let you try again, hm?”

a tiny pause. 

(you’re being childish, again.)

brows furrowed, hanging your head, you kick at a pebble on the ground. having collected yourself a bit. ”… maybe next time,” you finally speak, still grumbling. after you’ve spent some time lifting weights in your room.

suguru tilts his head. speaking softly. ”you sure?”

”yeah.” taking a step back, you raise your head to meet his gaze. ”i’ll just watch you. it’s fine.”

”… okay,” he exhales. leaning forward to pick up his sword from the ground. ”i can spar with you next time, if you want. you’ll be a pro in no time.”

he gives you another sweet smile, bangs fluttering with the breeze; painted in cerulean sunshine. he’s so gorgeous it makes you angry.

a sharp huff. ”don’t patronize me,” is all you can mutter, meeting the eyes of the knight by his side. standing up straighter. ”haibara,” you call. ”knock him around a bit for me, okay?”

from the corner of your eye, suguru pouts.

but the puppy-knight only grins, as bright as the sun in the sky. ”you got it, your highness!” he salutes, cheeks flushing with giddy excitement. 

as you sit on the benches a little farther away, dragonflies buzz in the air. fleeting glimmers of chartreuse and cerulean, chirping happily, keeping you company as you watch the knights spar. the clangs of their blades, the elegance in the way suguru moves. a violent little waltz. he’s sweating, just a bit, but you can see it, droplets glittering in the sun. he looks like he’s having fun. 

he looks like himself. like he isn’t holding back, isn’t acting obedient or well-mannered for the sake of pleasing his superiors. like this, here and now, he looks wild, free, a dog that turns into a wolf under the glow of the sun. 

for a second, your eyes meet — just as he narrowly avoids a slash. 

and he smirks, ever so slightly, suddenly gaining a little more momentum. flashing a brief grin, sunlight reflecting off his white teeth. you huff. heat crawling up your neck. 

show off.

”excuse me, your highness?”

the sudden voice snaps you out of your stupor. mesmerized, by the spectacle before you, the glimmer of their blades and the sight of your knight’s smile. it’s an unfamiliar voice, close, close enough that your head turns to meet the stranger’s ugly grin — inching closer still.

(uh oh.)

— just up ahead, lost in their own worlds, are two knights; huffing and smirking and narrowly dodging each other’s strikes. suguru takes the lead, as always, guiding haibara into improving his swordsmanship. but they both learn from it. and it’s fun, lighthearted, a respite from their more gruesome duties. 

it’s helped suguru more times than he can count; those tiny flickers of normalcy, in a wholly unpredictable profession. a life of bowing and bowing and killing what needs to be killed.

slash, slash, and then two steps back. the same old dance. haibara’s starting to lose momentum, he notices, adam’s apple bobbing with his heavy breaths.

so suguru stills. ”alright, that’s enough for now,” he calls, stretching idly. craning his head, looking around him absently. he wonders if you’re still watching. ”i think i see what the problem is.”

haibara perks up, obeying without a word, wiping the sweat off his forehead and walking towards his friend with a sunny smile. ”okay, great!”

but suguru isn’t looking at him, anymore. 

he’s looking towards the benches, where his little lord is seated, speaking to an unfamiliar man. one who currently has his hand on their forearm, caressing it. you look guarded, irritated, a little like you’re about to bare your teeth. trying to pull away, but he doesn’t let you. and suguru recognizes that look — the one that means you’re about to start biting and hissing, inching your claws into whatever’s within reach.

(not to injure, but to ground yourself, he’s learned. like how you clutch onto the fabric of your clothing when you’re nervous, sink your nails into your palm. not to injure, but to feel safe.)

in the blink of an eye, he’s making his way towards you. beckoned by his duty, his natural instinct, a protective itch that curls around his ribcage and crawls up his throat. large strides, much swifter than usual. he moves without thinking, and he’s there before he has the time to form a coherent thought.

with as much gentleness as he can possibly muster, he grabs hold of the stranger’s arm. smiling, tight-lipped, cold. ”excuse me, sir,” he greets, ”i need to borrow them for a moment.”

the man meets his gaze with a sour look. bitter, ugly, oddly possessive — like he thinks he owns the arm he’s holding. it makes suguru want to teach him a lesson, show off his sword, but he resists the temptation in a way you never could. his expression is a warning, though, enough to scare most rowdy drunkards and snobby royals away.

and it works. the stranger looks to you, briefly, before finally letting go of your poor arm. something rigid in suguru’s jaw finally relaxes. ”who are you?” comes a question, as the man turns to face him with a look full of contempt. ”their knight?”

before suguru can say anything, you’ve hopped off the bench. clinging to him, with a firm nod; your arms around his bicep. ”yeah. he is.”

(suguru fails to stifle a smug smile.)

with a string of bitter mumbles and a silent frustration, the man scurries away. hesitant, only after being met with another warning glance from the knight in front of him. intimidating, far less subtle, towering above him like a predator over their prey.

as soon as he’s out of sight, your knight turns to you, scanning your face for signs of discomfort. loyal, attentive. ”are you okay?” he asks, a silent shame in his voice. if only he had noticed sooner. ”did he do anything to you?”

you shake your head. ”it’s fine. probably one of the king’s friends — stops by every now and then.” a sigh, a little fatigued, following your explanation. ”they’re mostly harmless. just creepy and touchy.”

”that doesn’t sound very harmless…” suguru lets you pull away, quick to hide the disappointment that flashes in his eyes as you do, waving haibara off with a silent gesture of give us a minute. ”don’t worry. i’ll keep an eye out, from now on.”

still a little guarded, you nod. letting suguru guide you by the small of your back, taking a seat on the solid bench once more. together, this time. 

”there are a lot of those types around the town square,” he exhales, weary, stretching out his limbs before leaning forward. elbows resting on his bended knees. ”they’re a pain to deal with. i’m sorry you have to.”

”are there?” you ask, tone laced with curiosity. ”in the town?” 

”well, i’m sure you’ve heard. that place is a bit of a mess, these days…” a click of his tongue. ”more work for the knights.”

a dragonfly settles on the bridge of his nose. suguru blinks, smiling gently, until it flutters away with a raspy squeak. fading away, melting into the blue paint of the sky. you bite down on your lip. 

”… i haven’t.”

he turns to look at you. raising a brow.

”i haven’t heard about it at all. the king told you, right?” you meet his eye with a rueful smile, before leaning back, nose turned up towards the sky. for a second, you think the air smells a bit of rain. ”i’m not allowed to go out into town.”

your knight falls silent.

so you continue. grinning, with no humour to it. maybe a bit eager to overshare, to break the silent rules you’ve been given. the secret tastes like honey on your tongue. ”i’m a bastard child. he probably told you that, too.” you wouldn’t be surprised. ”thinks it's optimal for everyone involved if i just stay cooped up in the castle.” 

closing your eyes, your voice drips with something close to longing. barely above a whisper. ”i haven't been to the town in a couple of years, now.”

…

he only hums. ”i see.”

(there’s sympathy, in his amber eyes, but you don’t turn around to see it. you don’t turn to look at him until he’s finished sparring, and haibara’s about to leave. 

you wonder if he’ll meet your gaze the same way as before.) 

— that evening, suguru knocks at your door right as you're about to fall asleep. three rapid knocks, the same as always, knuckle against wood. rousing you from your rest.

when you open it, he’s holding something out towards you.

”here,” he says, voice set to a mellow tilt. upon closer inspection, he’s holding a bottle. transparent, see-through, stuffed to the brim with sea glass. smooth little colourful pebbles, green and blue and pink and orange, like frozen little camellias. ”for you, my lord.”

blinking sluggishly, you take it into your arms; holding it up in front of your eyes. when the light of the moon flitting in through the curtains hits it just right, it blossoms with colour, sparkling with every shade you’ve ever seen. shining like a heap of jewels, in your hands, like something out of a picture-book. magical.

it’s mesmerizing. 

”i asked haibara to get it from the town,” he explains, drinking in your expression of awe. ”this one lady — she collects them herself. i see her by the beach nearly every time i go there.”

when you look up, his smile is serene. peaceful, if just a little bit tired. but he looks pleased, lips curling around silky syllables. ”i thought of you.”

it’s odd, you think. you aren’t a stranger to gifts; you get most of what you desire if you just say the word, an easy way for the king to keep you compliant. as if to make up for the plethora of experiences you’ve missed out on since your birth. and you’ve had more than a couple suitors, men and women, eager to gain your favour. 

but this — this particular gift…

…

”it’s pretty,” you murmur, finally, unable to voice even a sliver of the emotions clogging up your chest. shying away from his gaze, feeling your heart pulse against your ribcage. ”… i guess.”

suguru just smiles. always, always, always. no matter what you do. ”i’ll get you something else next time,” he promises, ready to go back to standing guard outside the castle. ”get some sleep, okay? be good.”

and you can’t bring yourself to protest. not even a tiny huff of don’t tell me what to do. you can’t bring yourself to do anything but nod, soft and pliant, still gazing at the bottle of sea glass in your hands. like you might turn into one of those transparent pebbles, if you wish for it enough.

that night, you dream of waves crashing against sand, the taste of seafoam on your tongue. every colour in the world. a newfound, reawakened wish — a wish to see more of it.

”are you trying to sneak out again?”

owlishly, all you can do is blink. propped up on the windowsill, immersed in the process of tying pillowcases and bedsheets together to form a rope. caught in the act — by none other than suguru, standing by the threshold, hand on his hip, watching you with silent disapproval. you didn’t think he’d come check on you this late.

a gulp. ”… no?”

and he sighs. walking towards you, brows furrowed, running a hand through his raven locks. you can tell he’s trying to be a little more sympathetic, this time, but it only makes the bitter taste on your tongue thicken. 

”look — i know it’s not fair to you, but the king and queen specifically ordered me —”

”i get it,” you cut him off, with a hiss, a little harsher than you meant to. you soften your voice before continuing. "i know. okay? i know.”

resigned, but frustrated, you clench the silken material of the bedsheets. glaring at them like it’s somehow their fault that the queen couldn’t bear an heir, that your father has a knack for sleeping around. like it’s their fault that he’s so ashamed of your existence that he doesn’t want you integrating into society on anything other than his own terms, until he’s dead and gone and doesn’t have to take accountability anymore. 

like it’s their fault that it’ll always be like this, forever, that it’s better not to hope for more.

(why can’t you just accept that?)

the knight before you exhales. troubled, watching your nails dig into the fabric, watching the way you bite down on your lip and rapidly blink. all signs of your frustration, your sadness, that you always try so hard to hide. 

”hey. how about this?” he tries to get your attention, voice soothing enough to coax you into raising your gaze. ”i’ll tell you a story instead.”

he stifles a chuckle, at the dubious look you send his way, teetering on the edge of a glare. slithering towards you. ”i’ve seen a lot of places. i can tell you about them, if you’d like.” he takes a seat right next to you, on the windowsill, a slice of the moon in bare view. ”what do you want to know?”

you’re silent, for a second. gnawing at your bottom lip, in contemplation, the tiniest bit of nervosity. like you aren’t quite sure if you’re allowed to speak your wishes aloud.

”… the woods.”

suguru blinks. a little caught off guard. 

his silence makes you want to bare your fangs, a bit. misinterpreting it as judgement. your voice comes out cold. ”what?”

but he’s quick to smooth over his features with a smile, as always, cocking his head amusedly. ”sorry — i was expecting you to say the sea, or something,” he stifles a chuckle. “it's the woods that you're so curious about?”

you pout. ”… you can see them from here.”

his head turns towards the window’s glass, squinting his eyes to see the sea of dark green in the distance, a cluster of thick trees. he hums. ”yeah, you can. well… that particular spot isn’t too bad. not many bandits or beasts.” your gaze stays glued onto his lips, every word that spills from them. ”there are wolves, though. this side of the kingdom is crawling with them.”

”they sell their fur,” you state.

(that’s one thing you do know. you spent more of your childhood around wolf pelts than your own parents. they might as well be your legal guardians.)

suguru nods. ”they do. it's a big portion of the kingdom’s exports… general market, as well.”

a frown tugs at your lips. you think of your fluffy childhood guardians, unable to howl or even make a sound; hunters turned decorations.

”isn’t that… kinda fucked up?”

he smiles, revealing no emotion. ”do you think it is?”

you only shrug. ”i’m not surprised that they eat us.” you think of all the stories you’ve heard, the fairy tales you grew up with. ”… if i was a wolf, i’d hate humans too.”

”would you, now?” familiar amusement, seeping from his tongue, soft crows’ feet by his cedar eyes. ”good thing you aren’t a wolf, then. we’re lucky.”

”mhm. you’d be my first target.”

that makes him chuckle, a little deeper this time, and you drink in the glimpse you get of his teeth, the fondness that dances across his face when he looks at you. 

a sudden urge overtakes you. 

”… i wanna know about something else.”

”oh?” he tilts his head, soft locks framing his kind eyes. ”and what would that be, my dear?”

”you.”

… 

for a moment, the mask falls. a silent, subtle kind of surprise, something in the way the tips of his fingers twitch that tells you he’s caught off guard. it coaxes you into continuing, following through with your question. swallowing the embarrassment. ”i wanna know more about you. how you became a knight, and… stuff.”

suguru looks at you with a strange glint in his eyes. undecipherable, unspoken, just watching as moonrays glide across your soft skin. ruffling your hair. 

a hum buzzes in his throat. he scratches at the back of his neck, resisting the urge to dodge your question. clicking his tongue. ”… well.”

anticipation blooms in your eyes, and you cross your legs, waiting patiently to hear him speak. he can’t deny you, when you look at him like that — so suguru simply exhales. a breath of indulgence. 

”it’s not a very interesting story,” he leads, closing his eyes in remembrance. ”they scouted me when i was pretty young…. a bit of a troublemaker, honestly, but i got lucky." memories flash behind his eyelids, fresh bruises, sliced fruit. bittersweet. ”ended up around some powerful people. they liked me. knighthood felt like the right choice.” 

he meets your entranced gaze, speaking with sincerity, devotion dipped in honey and holy water. sinking deeper still. ”it’s my purpose in life,” he breathes, a flurry of whispers on his tongue. heavier than either of you know. ”truly.”

you cock your head. ”being a knight?”

”protecting the weak,” he says. recites. like he’s said it a million times before, in the face of beasts, in the reflection of broken mirrors, a mantra to live and die by. ”protecting those who can’t protect themselves.”

the look in his eyes frightens you. deeper than the deepest lake, dark and murky, dragging him down. a devotion that smells of iron, tastes like steel. mania disguised as loyalty.

(knights love duty. almost as much as they love dying for it. that’s what your father always says.)

”but, honestly — this kind of thing isn’t bad,” he breaks you out of your trance, grinning sheepishly, almost boyishly. ”it’s been a while since i had so much fun on the job… thank you for that.”

he’s looking at you, right at you, into your eyes, an expression reserved for you and you alone. terribly earnest, grateful, a sincerity he wouldn’t show anyone else. ”honestly.”

you can do nothing but avert your gaze. swiftly, meekly, feeling heat crawl up your neck, blooming across your cheeks like the branches of a plum tree. suguru grins, gulping down the slightest coo — but he can’t resist the urge to poke fun at you a bit.

”… you’re a shy one, aren’t you?” he searches for your gaze, chuckling when he doesn’t find it. when you don’t let him. ”can’t even look people in the eye if they’re being nice to you… how precious.”

”oh, shut up,” you groan, glaring out into the night sky. blinking slowly, drowsily, biting back a yawn that your attentive knight still manages to notice. 

(he looks a little enamored.)

”ah… is my sweet little lord getting sleepy?”

”no,” you scoff, far too quick. ”i’m… tired.”

”of course.” he reaches out, carefully, to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear. ”tired — not sleepy. that would be outrageous, wouldn’t it?” 

a yawn. ”it would.” 

low laughter bubbles up at the base of his throat, like seafoam, melting roses. deep and summery. ”alright. that’s enough stories for tonight, i think.” and with that, he gets up. ”let’s get you to bed, hm?”

rubbing your eyes, absently kicking your legs, you give him a slow nod of your head. making grabby hands at him that you’re sure you’ll be embarrassed about in the morning — but it feels easy, to be greedy, to know that your wants won’t be ignored when you’re with him. ”carry me, suguru.”

an indulgent smile. he doesn’t say anything, only curling his arms under your thighs, lifting you up and cradling you to his chest. you can feel his firm muscles, like this, trace them with your fingertips, hear the beating of his heart. tick-tock, tick-tock. a lullaby. a sense of safety, when you can’t tell where your heartbeat ends and his begins.

lost in that fuzzy, sleepy feeling, a blink away from falling into dreamland, fatigue washes over you — but you cling to his sleeve, even as he tucks you in, dragging the blanket up to cover you properly. 

”suguru,” you murmur, so quiet you doubt he hears it. ”will you tell me more stories tomorrow?”

”of course.” right before sleep coaxes you into its cradle, you feel the weight of his palm on your head; ruffling your hair. ”as many as you want, your highness.”

he smiles, as your eyes flutter shut, at the soft little breaths that flow from your lips. before he slips out, he blows out the candle on the nightstand, a silent prayer that your dreams will be kinder to you than his. 

— one week of nagging later, suguru’s resolve finally crumbles. it’s progress, at last, a tiny crack in his clockwork heart. 

but for once, it works in your favour.

”do you really want to see the outside world that badly?”

he’s got an arm locked around your waist, stopping you from one of your numerous escape attempts. you’ve gotten bolder, sneaking away the moment he takes his eyes off you, but suguru isn’t easy to fool — catching up to you just as you stepped outside the castle, now stuck in place under the portico. it’s to be expected, with that sixth sense of his, the one that seems to alert him as soon as you think the thought to get him in trouble. 

but you still can’t help but pout, huff and puff, pushing at his chest in a helpless attempt to break free. he’s sweet about it, gentle, but entirely unmoving. like a big, annoyingly handsome rock.

”what do you think?” you scoff, narrowing your eyes at him. ”no, of course not. this whole time, i’ve just been trying to escape for fun. like, as a bit. how could you tell?”

he rolls his eyes, and you break out into a grin. ”mind the sarcasm, please.” he barely resists the urge to pinch your side; letting you loose, instead, trusting you not to scurry away. he’d catch up to you instantly, anyhow. "i’m just saying, it might not be as interesting as you think —“

”what are you, stupid?”

”what did we say about letting people finish their sentences?” he raises a brow, and you try not to cower. rolling your eyes, instead. suguru just sighs. ”i understand why you want to leave. but you have a good life, here. better than most.”

”… i know that,” you grumble, biting down on your lip. a resignation in your eyes that your knight can't protect you from. ”i just —”

you sigh. 

”it’s just so suffocating.”

suguru falls into a contemplative silence. weighing his options, studying the flicker of emotions in your eyes, the tapping of your idle fingers. hands eager to fidget with something. 

moments pass, one at a time, a familiar lullaby of pitter patter ricocheting off the ground just outside your vision. the air smells of marigolds, burning wood, wet concrete. the beginnings of summer.

finally, he makes up his mind. 

”okay, okay.”

when you look up from the ground, what awaits you is an outstretched hand. a familiar palm, and a familiar knight, with a familiar smile on his face. ”but don’t get used to it, alright?”

…

you part your lips, but no sound comes out. gaping like a fish out of water, hunting for the right words. suguru waits. patient.

”w — hold on,” you stutter, eyes blooming with hesitant hope, studying him intently for any signs of trickery. ”you mean — seriously? like, for real?”

he shrugs. ”it’s my duty to keep you happy.” devotion clings to his tongue, sweet indulgence. ”figure i can make an exception this once.”

another moment passes.

(there isn’t a hint of deceit in his features.)

a grin breaks out across your lips, like a joyous bolt of lighting, and you lunge into his chest — throwing your arms over his broad shoulders, jumping up and down, planting a wet kiss against his cheek. bubbly, giddy, heart racing with disbelief. you don’t even have it in you to be bratty. ”thank you, thank you, thank you!”

suguru makes a choked out noise, a little comical, breath hitching in the back of his throat. stabilizing you with a palm on the small of your back, patting it softly, once or twice, before retracting his arm and pulling away. clearing his throat. ”… you’re welcome.”

(his ears burn a cherry red.)

”but this is our little secret,” he reminds you, firmly, collecting himself. or trying to. ”got it?”

”yep.”

”if anyone asks, you —”

”yep, yep, understood.” you brush him off, still grinning brightly. ”don’t worry! i won’t tell a soul, i promise. swear on my mother’s grave!”

your knight exhales. worried, maybe, a little exasperated — mostly just trying to mask how infectious your joy is. how addicted he is to it, now that he’s seen it up close. he’s only caught glimpses in the midst of your painting sessions; to see it directed at him instead of the wolf on your canvas is a treasure he won’t soon forget. 

sneakily, stealthily, like a pair of bad dogs, the two of you begin your journey to the woods on the horizon. wearing cloaks, sticking together, until the sun begins to set and the sky drains of colour. 

and before you know it, it’s right there in front of you. a narrow path into the woods, a cluster of trees, a world you’ve always dreamed of. dark and gritty, beautiful, brimming with bugs and sights yet to be seen. creatures you could only ever see in picture books. a dreamlike world that takes shape before you, like paint splattered on a canvas, as you follow suguru’s lead — right behind him, clinging to the fabric of his cloak, excitement flooding your veins. heart thumping erratically in your chest. 

when you’ve made it to a tiny clearing, you stop in your tracks. suguru’s holding a lantern, a flicker of orange in the dark green world before you, attracting fuzzy moths. proud trees stand tall all around you, keeping guard, mushrooms and forget me nots scattered across the dewy patches of grass. keeping them company. 

everything smells of life, earth, oak wood and thinly veiled secrets. you want to live here forever.

suguru turns to look at you, noticing the way you’ve stilled. completely mesmerized, bewitched, eyes gleaming with childlike happiness. he tuts, doing a bad job at hiding how pleased he is. the sound makes you meet his eye.

”careful,” he croons, inching closer. fingertips ghosting over your wrist, right above your pulsepoint. ”could be wolves around. stay close.”

you tilt your head, feigning confusion. ”i’ve already got one right next to me, though?”

the comment earns you a flat expression, unimpressed, and it pulls a giggle from out your throat. the corners of suguru’s lips curl up, unwillingly, as he shakes his head; exhaling a tired breath. exasperated. 

then he hums. ”well, at least you're aware.”

suddenly, he’s walking forward, slipping away, cold air replacing the buzzing warmth of his skin on yours. hot blood, ever flowing, hidden within his veins — pumped out from his heavy heart. it’s there and then it’s gone. tick, tock, one step after the other, until he’s turning around to face you again. unfurling his outstretched hand, waiting for you to grab hold of it. 

his long hair sways with the breeze, smooth and unburdened, black like the night sky above you. a starry glint in his eyes. his voice comes out deep, a raspy lilt, like the scraping of metal against concrete. 

when he smiles, you think you catch a glimpse of sharp teeth.

”will you trust this wolf to keep you safe?”

under the web of shadows cast by the trees, barely illuminated by the shivering moon, all you can do is watch him. his gleaming eyes, the curl of a toothy grin on his lips. a knight, a wolf, a friend.

your protector. 

finally, finally, you grasp onto his offered hand. his fingers intertwine with your own, a puzzle finally solved, and his palm feels a little calloused. skin littered with tiny scars, years of training and killing, but it’s still somehow so soft. nice and smooth. 

he’s warm. and now he’s smiling at you, like you put all the gold of the world into his palm. 

”yeah,” you grin, a little cheeky. stepping closer, clinging to him without restraint, knowing he’ll indulge you. ”keep me safe, wolfie.”

his laughter rings out into the air like a cicada song, sweet and nostalgic. or a howl, maybe. it makes you want to gnaw at his bones; memorize his taste, so you’ll never quite be without him. it’s not your fault he looks so chewable when he’s smiling like that.

”i will,” he promises, vows, pledges, hand on his heavy heart. knights and their rituals. ”you don’t have to worry about a thing. not while i’m here.”

and you don’t. you know you don’t. because suguru is the greatest knight, the coolest wolf, and his clockwork heart never ceases to tick. it won’t break under pressure, no matter how much you push — so you don’t bother holding back. wrapping both arms around his bicep, cozying up to him, tugging at his cloak with a pep in your step. 

”c’mon, c’mon!" you beckon him forward. "i wanna see how everything looks up close.”

and he just lets you manhandle him, for a bit. following your lead. ”of course,” he croons. ”your wish is my command, your highness.”

the night stretches on, seemingly never-ending, like the branches of the oak tree you find in the heart of the woods. broken, beautiful, stretching out in all directions — as if wishing to engulf the world. a garden of forking paths, covered in jagged bark, but still somehow so warm to the touch. you’re sure there’s a heartbeat in there, somewhere. maybe a couple of swords too.

all good things must come to an end. but you refuse to leave the comfort of your mossy haven until suguru promises to bring you back, someday, maybe, if you play nice. it’s a deal that you’re willing to take.

only then do you begin your journey back towards the castle. having gotten your fill, for now, left to wallow in the newfound sights etched into your memory. still clinging to your knight like a child with their favorite doll, babbling into his ear about something or another. about how you’re almost sure you saw a wolf in the bushes, about how pretty the cicadas’ songs were. how you’re gonna convince him to take you there every single day.

the sun is yawning, stretching its endless limbs out, getting ready to rise and envelop the world. the sky is a calm blue, soon to be painted orange and pink, but you aren’t tired at all. you must sound a little incoherent, but suguru nods along to your every word. listening attentively.

so kind. so patient. sure, he’s a tease, and more than a little patronizing — but you don’t think you’ve ever liked anyone this much before. it’s weird. it’s fun. 

(you wonder if he feels the same.)

”hey, suguru?”

he keeps his eyes locked on the road ahead, but still spares you a brief glance, just to let you know you have his full attention. a second of hesitance is all your sleepy brain allows you, curiosity enveloping most of your functioning thoughts.

”would you… i mean. if i was, like… a different person —” you pause. suguru quirks a brow, and you suddenly feel a little flustered. ”um, what i mean is! like, if the king ordered you to be someone else’s knight… would you protect them like you do with me?”

he blinks. once, then twice, meeting your hopeful gaze. stifling a yawn, and parting his lips. 

”obviously.”

…

your face falls. lips dropping down into a soft pout, rich with disappointment, paired with a barely audible huff. suguru furrows his brows, playfully, smiling in the way he always does when he’s about to tease you.

”ah, my bad,” he croons. ”were you expecting something else? a… forbidden romance, perhaps?”

before you can begin to protest, warmth rushing to your cheeks, he stops walking. dropping down on one knee, dramatically, with a flutter of his cloak. theatrical. 

gently, he grabs hold of your hand, bringing it to his lips as his eyes flutter shut. you bite back a squeak. his voice comes out low, sultry, honeyed — so heavy with emotion that it’s obvious he’s faking it. ”the only person i yearn to protect is you, my liege,” his breath feels hot against your skin. ”i could never love another. i exist for you, and you alone.” 

suddenly, he’s smirking. you feel it against the knots of your knuckle, right before he cracks a single eye open. glimmering with deep amusement. ”… is that better?”

and you huff. sharply, doing all that you can to avoid getting flustered, his heavy gaze burning right into your own. it really, really doesn’t work. ”you’re so mean.”

”not mean,” he chuckles, rising to his feet. dusting off his cloak. ”i’m just… managing your expectations, my lord. they’d have my head on the chopping block if i so much as touched you without their consent — you know that.”

another little huff. ”i never said i wanted you to…” 

(you do, though.)

suguru hums. ”i’m your knight,” he reminds you, as always, until you get tired of hearing it. steadfast, irrefutable. ”that’s all. remember?”

something bitter settles on your tongue. 

but you nod. ”that’s right,” you hum. ”mine.”

a teasing mirth flickers through his eyes, like the first setting sunrays reflecting off cathedral glass. reverent, dyeing the world in all the colour it asks for. and he chuckles, raspy, amused. ”possessive little thing…”

that’s right, you remind yourself. he’s your knight. your lying, teasing, playwright of a knight. always wearing a mask, hiding behind a suit of armor, playing one role or another. only baring himself under the light of the sun, when no one is around to see. he’s infuriatingly patient, endlessly loyal, the greatest bootlicker you’ve encountered in your life. but he’s kind, too. maybe a little too kind. 

and he always, always kneels. 

such a large man, all toned muscle and tall stature, broad shoulders and a firm chest — kneeling at your feet. like a loyal dog. with a rustle of armor, a flutter of fabric, a sigh and a smile. as soon as you ask for it.

”c’mon. let’s hurry back,” you hear him say, biting back another yawn. ”before anyone finds out i kidnapped you. don’t want me to get in trouble, do you?”

”i kinda do.”

a silent look. unimpressed. it’s the most sincere expression he knows how to make, and also the most comical. ”careful,” he looks ahead, hiding his amused smile. ”wolves eat bratty heirs, you know? better stay on my good side, your highness.”

a bout of sleepy giggles. you curl an arm around his bicep, putting your weight onto him, but he doesn’t stumble. ”sorry, mr wolf! please, by all means, eat my dear father instead.”

”don’t be disrespectful.”

”sorry,” you quip, entirely unapologetic. ”i forgot you had a crush on him. that’s my ba — ow!”

suguru brushes by you, walking forward, hiding his growing grin. leaving you with an ache in your hip and two wide eyes. 

”hurry up, my lord. we don’t have all day.”

”wha — you pinched me!” you stumble after him, barely containing your quiet delight. ”they’ll have your head for this, you know!”

silent laughter. you don’t need to hear it to know that it’s there, just ahead of you, tucked into crows’ feet and a curl of his lips.

suguru always kneels.

but, sometimes, he talks to you as if you’re equals. sometimes he takes the lead, pinches your hip, tells you off a little. teasing, patient, but there’s an edge to him that he doesn’t always hide. sometimes, he lets you see it, and you figure that must make you at least a little bit special.

sometimes, he feels like your best friend.

careless, careless, careless.

how could he ever be so careless?

everything blurs into a puddle of red. murky, sticky, everywhere all at once. all he sees is red, all he feels is burning. his heartbeat pulses at the base of his throat, bottom lip bruised and aching from hours of sinking his teeth into the flesh, over and over — every single nerve of his body running on adrenaline and nothing else.

(adrenaline and fear, maybe, but they’ve always been synonymous. never one without the other.)

the slaughter is mindless. suguru knows that’s how they like it, anyhow — knights aren’t supposed to think. they don’t need to. 

suguru certainly isn’t. cutting his way through the bandit’s den, practically growling, sword painted such a dark shade of red that he doubts he’ll ever be able to wipe it clean. harsh slashes, pure instinct, wildfire inside his veins, iron on his tongue. 

suguru isn’t thinking, he’s hunting. sniffing like a bloodhound. eyes scanning the area before him like a hungry beast.

suguru is hunting — for you.

and when he sees you, at last, tied up and barely conscious, he’s almost certain he’s going to grow claws, fangs, matted fur. that he’s going to turn into a beast beneath the fading moonlight.

but he falls to his knees, instead, like a wounded dog. throwing his burganet off, with a clatter, crawling closer. heaving breaths, untying you with shaky hands, greedy fingertips hunting for a pulsepoint —

and only when he finds it does he allow himself the luxury of breathing again.

when you come to, veins dragged down by a fuzzy sensation, your vision is blurred. foggy, dull colours on the canvas of your mind, gradually washed away as you struggle for control. you stir, and finally see the figure above you. 

what you see is a knight, a wolf, a beast beneath the moonlight. a kind, kind man.

suguru.

bloodied armor. sweaty, messy hair, sticking to his forehead. pure panic in his bloodshot eyes. he cradles your face, cold metal on your cheek, dirty and smelling of iron. he moves his mouth; you delude yourself into thinking that his bottom lip is trembling. forming around familiar vowels.

he’s saying your name.

there must be something wrong with you, you belatedly realize. the last one to do so. because you’re hurt, scared, but you still feel a skip of your heartbeat. 

(he finally said it.)

you muster all the strength at your disposal, eyelids fluttering. and you try to answer, you do, reaching for that thread between your brain and your tongue — but it comes out as a garbled little thing, more air than noise. 

it’s enough. the tense crease between his brows melts away, and he sighs.

”oh, thank the heavens.”

another sensation. he’s touching your hand, now, cold metal on warm skin, bringing it up to his lips; a shaky little exhale brushing against the knots of your knuckle. his lips are chapped. 

then he’s scooping you up, cradling you close, as close as metaphysically possible, as if willing to cut his stomach open to fit you inside. a firm grip, comforting, stable. desperate, a mother wolf carrying her cub to safety, by the skin of her teeth. his hair tickles your skin, but you don’t mind.

only when he brings you back to the castle does everything fall into place. he explains everything, as you sit in bed, still recovering. a sudden attack, from within the castle, a kidnapping. some enemies of the king, a scandal to do with you and your blood. something, something, something. you’ve grown used to not understanding why you keep getting hurt. and you’re too distracted by the sullen face of the knight in front of you to pay attention.

suguru wasn’t there to stop it — wasn’t there to save you, be your knight in dashing armor. the king had invited him to a game of chess, and you had been adamant in your refusal to join them.

so you don’t understand why he’s apologizing.

he’s smiling, but it’s weak, as flimsy as a piece of paper. his lying smile, tight-lipped, betrayed by the redness of his eyes, the puffy skin beneath them. dark crescents. he sits by your bedside and looks a little like he wants to curl into a ball. 

”i’m sorry.”

and ah, you think; there it is. guilt. always, always clinging to him, a ghost haunting him wherever he goes. it’s been there since the beginning, in the scar reaching for his shoulder, the nature of his never-fading smile. guilt, guilt, guilt. you wonder if he's ever gone without it. you wonder if knights begin to crumble when they stop feeling ashamed. 

he looks sad.

with a breathless inhale, you part your lips. you want to tell him that he has nothing to apologize for, that you’re fine now — that you could never be mad at him. not really, never truly, never at him. you want to tell him that he’s your favorite person, not just your favorite knight, that he’s allowed to make mistakes without demanding that he suffer for them. 

you want to tell him that it’s okay, really. seriously.

but all that leaves your lips is a meek little sniffle. as the shock of it all finally settles, sinking deep into your bones, the fear of being captured, the dull ache of your skull meeting the ground. you can’t tell him any of the things you want to, and you feel so awful — 

because suguru’s face falls. like you just thrust a knife into his sternum and twisted it. he looks like he could cry, too.

”i’m sorry,” his voice cracks, right down the middle. like a broken vase. ”i’m so sorry.” it’s not at all what you want to hear, but you can’t tell him that either. he’s bundling you up before you know it, dragging you into the comfort of his chest, one large palm on the back of your head; tugging you closer still. he smells of soap and oak wood and peach blossoms. ”it was scary, wasn’t it?”

and you nod. into his neck, wet tears brushing against his skin. not stable enough to act tough. you don’t think he is, either.

suguru exhales, shaky, clutching you like he could lose you if he lets go. lose himself. he knows you’re scared, but you let him soothe you. it means something, he thinks. it means something that you let him come so close, closer than anyone’s ever been. so he swallows the guilt until it’s no longer clogging up the back of his throat, if only so his voice can flow out through the gap, give you the comfort you need. just rubbing your back until you calm down, apologizing silently — over and over again. manic, like the tick-tock of a clock.

until your voice breaks him out of it.

”it’s not your fault.”

he stiffens. still holding you, feeling your heartbeat settle down, hearing your voice break out of your throat. it comes out as a weak croak, with just the slightest hint of disapproval.

he gulps.

”don’t worry about me, right now,” he hushes you. a silent plea. ”i’m not the one who’s injured.”

”suguru —” you sigh, almost a hiss. ”i hit my head. once. that’s all.” you wipe away the wetness of your cheeks, biting back a sniffle. ”… you’re acting like i’m fucking dying. cut it out.”

(for once, he’s relieved to hear that sharp edge of your voice. it means you’re feeling better.)

a weak inhale. ”… they kidnapped you. it must’ve been terrifying. please, just…” and a tired exhale. ”please just don’t strain yourself.”

”it wasn’t your fault.”

…

”your highne —”

”i’m serious.” you’re pulling away, suddenly, clasping onto his cheeks with your tearstained palms. squishing his face together. ”it wasn’t your fault. it was mine.”

he shakes his head, eager to protest, so you squish his cheeks with more force, and shake his head for him. like a misbehaving dog. ”nope. if you even think about apologizing, i’ll start crying again.”

he lets out a huff. frowning, sadly, a downcast pair of eyes.

”don’t pout. i’ll bite you.”

it’s slight, barely even there at all — but you think the corner of his mouth twitches upwards, just by a hair, exhaling through his nose with just the slightest hint of amusement.

he places his palm over yours. 

a moment passes, slow and steady, both of you catching your breaths. calming down, letting the fear of it all seep out of your aching bones. you hope the warmth of your skin against his soothes him as much as it soothes you. 

”… you know, your highness,” he murmurs, softly. meeting your puffy eyes with his tired pools of amber gold. ”there’s something i never told you.”

you blink. he continues.

”just the night before the king reached out to me… i had a dream.” he musters a weak, exhausted little smile. ”dreams… i don’t have them very often. and when i do, they’re nothing good. but this dream…” 

his eyes flutter shut. a curtain closing, a raven taking flight, the tick-tock of a heartbeat. you can’t look away. ”it stuck out to me.”

silence.

your voice comes out soft, like the bedsheets beneath you, the man before you. a tiny breath of a question. ”… what was it about?”

he smiles. smoothing a thumb over your knuckle, reverent, as if memorizing every ridge and dip.

”a fox.”

…

”it had…” his hand slips from the small of your back, reaching for your cheek, pinching it gently. ”a cheeky smile.”

your skin heats up, beneath his touch. and you blink, not saying a word, because there isn’t any need to. all the words you could ever want have already been painted out.

(well, maybe not quite all.)

”suguru.” you lean close, just a little, drinking him in. and he listens, as always, so you don’t bother beating around the bush. swallowing any embarrassment your tired mind can still feel. because your knight is right in front of you, eyes still red from crying, and you want him to be happy. “i think you’re my favorite person.”

he stills.

then he’s burning up. 

”wha — where did that come from?” he stammers, a strawberry hue to his ears, his neck, the tips of his fingers. enveloping him like a blanket of warmth.

you only shrug. ”you told me the truth. figured i should return the favour, for once.” a giddy, exhausted smile. “we’re both awful liars, huh?”

suguru opens his mouth. then he closes it, again, desperate to collect himself. you think he must be a little too exhausted to, and you wish you could say you felt bad. ”you… you can’t just —”

he squeezes his eyes shut. sighing. giving up, the gears of his mind grinding to a halt. your grin blooms wider.

”hehe.” you poke at his flushed cheek, and he cracks a single eye open. ”you’re blushing.”

he huffs, leaning away from your touch, and you find yourself enjoying the reversal of your usual roles. very much so. he tries to smile, tries to get one up on you, but he only blushes a deeper shade of red once your words reach his ears. 

so he settles for using cheap tricks.

”you’re hallucinating,” he scoffs, shoving your head into the fluffy pillows all around you. ever so gently, listening to your muffled giggles. trying to stifle his own joy. ”go back to sleep.”

”my blushy knight,” you coo, and he drags the blanket over your head. biting down on his lip to stop himself from joining your bubbly laughter, blushing more than ever. 

(the word knight sounds very pretty, when it’s falling from your lips.)

”i swear,” he exhales, heavy and exasperated, but you can hear the smile in his voice. ”just what am i to do with you?”

it’s fond. delicate, even in his bouts of teasing, the light instances of manhandling. and you’re happy, because he’s not apologizing anymore, and he’s happy because you aren’t crying anymore. give and take. there’s a rhythm to it, a point where everything else becomes background noise, whether it’s memories of a kidnapping or a decade-old guilt.

he stays with you all night, even after you’ve fallen asleep. just watching you, safeguarding you, checking your pulse every now and then. content to watch as your chest rises and falls, with the tender ticking of your heartbeat.

that night, you dream of a kind, kind wolf, and a painting yet to be finished. 

before you lies a field of stars.

you’re seated on a blanket, with a pretty knight to your left, up on top of a grassy hill. daffodils bloom around you, sweet nectar hanging in the air, a field of sunflowers waving at you from below. dragonflies greet you with a scratchy song. 

everything is perfect. a midnight rendezvous, a picnic under the stars — suguru’s own idea. to celebrate the time that you’ve spent together.

(well, that part was your idea. but you’re sure he appreciates it, too.)

the basket next to you is filled with fruit and berries, marmalade and jam, bottles of herbal tea. suguru’s delicious sandwiches. you bite into one of them, humming happily, and he’s quick to brush the occasional crumb from the corner of your lip, ghosting over your skin with a smile.

there’s another basket, too, just in front of you, that you brought on your own. hiding a secret; one you're just about to unveil. 

you clear your throat to get his attention.

like clockwork, he’s looking at you. listening, when  you tell him to close his eyes, only giving you a questioning raise of his brow and an amused exhale. 

you’re quick to lean forward, uncovering the basket, revealing the secret you’ve hidden so well. suguru is still waiting, indulgent, patient. you feel a little hesitant, but still part your lips.

“… okay. you can open them, now.”

he does. instantly, two ravens taking flight, and the sight that awaits them is that of a painting; a painting of a wolf, in the middle of the woods, empty armors and wilted sunflowers all around it. dragonflies and dragonflies, a knight just out of view.

he stares, silently, and you do your best to hide your growing nervosity. even as he takes it into his lap, and your gaze falls to the blanket below you. ”it’s… not my best work, but —” his eyes stay glued onto the painting, as you stumble blindly for the right words to say. wringing your hands together, clutching at the fabric of your sleeves. ”i’d… like you to have it. i mean, unless you —”

”thank you.”

you raise your head.

suguru is gazing at the canvas with the softest pair of eyes you’ve ever seen. melting amber, crinkled at the edges, accompanied by a sweet grin. 

”i’ll treasure it,” he vows, meeting your eyes, voice dripping with warmth. hand on his heart, and you can’t even poke fun at it. ”always.”

his earnest acceptance is enough to fluster you, enough to make you feel as it your heart is about to collapse, but he continues to look at the painting with enough awe to fill an empty lake with water, and it makes you terribly shy. 

until his smile drops.

”uh, actually — i…”

now it’s your turn to stare, silently, as he fumbles with something in the basket at his feet. gentle, as he takes out glass jars and wrapped sandwiches. out comes a sheet of paper. 

then he’s clearing his throat. handing it to you, pointedly avoiding your gaze. ”i’m not an artist, so you know. i just…” he coughs, a little out of his element. “well. here.”

with delicate hands, you accept it, bringing it down to your lap. big, curious eyes taking it in.

it’s a sketch — made with coal, a little smudged, but awfully charming. pretty, delicate.

it’s a sketch of a fox.

wide-eyed, all you can do is stare. gaze flitting up to meet his own, his nervous expression, before falling back to the little canine. ”you — this…” back and forth, over and over again. ”for — ?” 

you point to yourself. 

suguru only chuckles. ”yes, it’s for you. who else?” he taps the pads of his fingers against the handle of the basket, watching you silently admire the mischievous fox. not saying anything; so he continues.

”like i said; i’m not an artist. you can always throw it away, if you’d —”

”i’m gonna frame it.”

…

”i'm gonna frame it,” you repeat, eyes shining with sincerity. a little manic. ”i’ll hang it on the wall of the castle hallway so everyone can see it. it’ll be there for centuries to come, passed down —”

”please don't —”

”d’you think a gold frame would fuck up the vibe? maybe a modest silver is best.” you turn to face him, ignoring his blatant embarrassment. ”oooh, hang on! father knows this guy who makes them with real minerals. i’ll just —”

”your highness,” the knight cuts you off, almost with a squeak. ”please. it’s just a dumb drawing. i just… wanted to give it to you. that’s all.”

a pause. you look into his eyes, flickering with hesitance, an earnest desire for your approval only. so you hum, albeit a little hesitant.

”… alright. if you say so. i’ll hang it in my room, then.”

he sighs; relieved. ”that’s better. really, you —”

”thank you.” you whisper, blinking away the wetness at your lash-line. staring at the sketch with a dreamy, dreamy smile. ”i love it.”

you grin, happily, practically beaming. suguru wants to keep it there, always, on those pretty lips; he wants to lay his life on the line to protect it. but something tells him that would just make it fall. 

finally, everything clicks into place. the air fills with the scent of herbal tea, fresh strawberries, acrylic paint and hushed whispers. your own ritual, repeated over and over, like a loving waltz. 

as always, it’s suguru who breaks the silence. shatters it with the tip of his tongue. 

”hey,” he calls, softly. “my lord.”

mouth full of bread, you simply look at him. chewing silently, attention piqued. swallowing with a gulp. he places his folded hands on his lap, exhaling a little breath. ”… i’ve been thinking.”

”uh oh.”

silently, he gives you one of those flat, unimpressed looks of his, and you quiet down with a grin and another mouthful of bread. he quirks a brow, exhaling amusedly, then shakes his head and continues.

”i retract my earlier statement.”

when you glance up again, he’s smiling. showing more teeth than usual, a little wider, a little wolfish. a little more himself. you want to paint it, keep it hidden away somewhere only you can see.

”if it was someone else — anyone else…” he trails off, tasting the words on his tongue. “i doubt i’d feel this way. i doubt i’d want to protect them as fervently.” his voice flows out like a river of gold, just a little scratchy. it always is, when it sounds this sincere. 

he meets your eyes, and everything falls into place. 

”you’ve become precious to me,” he admits. ”i can't remember what it felt like to not be yours.”

his tongue curls around a familiar set of syllables, and your name seeps from his lips like a prayer, a vow, a trickle of honey and wine. devotion sticks to his tongue, to the vowels, a heavy fondness — something devout. something you've only ever heard from the mouths of priests.

and then he’s smiling. 

”i think i’ll be your knight until the day i die,” he breathes, and deep down you know it’s a vow. “even if the king discards me of that title.”

silence. except for an increasingly loud mantra of tick-tocks, from the depths of your own chest, echoing in your ears. your knight is in front of you, and he’s yours, and he’s smiling like he loves you. like he always will.

”… suguru.”

he hums, eyes lidded, blinking slowly. serenely. he lets you cling to him, pull him close, practically dragging him into your lap.

”stay with me,” you plead, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. too desperate to feel embarrassed. ”forever. promise me.”

an exhale, right by your ear. it sounds so fond you could cry. 

“i promise,” he whispers, fingers intertwining with your own. a perfect puzzle piece, a functional clockwork. lifting your hand, bringing his glossy lips to your knuckle; where they belong. ”until death tears me away from you.”

”it won’t,” you deadpan, partly to distract him from the growing heat of your fingertips. mostly because it’s true. ”you won't let it.”

he smiles against your knuckle, breathing out an airy laugh. ”clever little thing…” his free hand goes to rest on your spine, as always, and you lean back to see him properly. knowing he’ll catch you if you fall.

“.. but yeah," he sighs. "i won’t.”

before you know it, you’re leaning back in. because his eyes are the warmest shade of brown you’ve ever seen, and his hair is just a little tousled, and he looks so kissable it aches.

his jaw trembles, a little, when you press your lips against the curve of it. his whole body seems to still, for a moment, and you pull back just to see if he’s blushing. he is. 

but he must have anticipated your teasing, because he’s tucking you under his chin before you can see it through. pressing you close. and he tuts, a click of his silver tongue. ”… you little tease,” comes a whisper. ”how am i supposed to hold back now?”

”don’t hold back, dummy,” you grin, muffled against the column of his throat. you just barely resist the urge to sink your teeth into the skin. ”you’re a bad actor, anyway. the worst.”

and he is. he’s been looking at your lips this whole time — he couldn’t be more obvious if he tried.

suguru laughs, breathy, overflowing with fondness. chest rumbling with the noise, blending together with the rhythmic thumping of his clockwork heart. ”okay,” comes a soft lull of his tongue. ”i won’t, then.”

a drowsy feeling overtakes you, just as you feel his lips meet the crown of your head. it’s not much, but it’s a start. and it’s tender, tender enough to get you choked up, to get you to close your eyes to stop any tears from forming. because one person in this kingdom understands you, and he tells you that he’ll never leave. and you think you can actually find it in you to believe him. 

one person’s clockwork heart never breaks for you, and maybe that’s enough to convince you to stop trying to push it there.

”you can sleep, if you’d like,” is whispered against your hair. soft, soothing, his palm on your spine. ”i’ve got you. always.”

(one person in this world can make you feel safe, with just four little words. and isn’t that something?)

so you doze off, on the shoulder of your very own knight. your favorite knight, always and forever, a sword at his hip that was forged to protect you. or so he’ll tell you, years from now, when he’s got you in his lap, when there isn’t any need for him to act anymore.

and you dream a perfect dream. a dream of a wolf, and a fox, and a garden of stars.

[always-me-meha]

Ewwww word vomitted my man.

Think he ignored me on purpose like damn my girl crazy sending paragraphs.

(Paranoid thinking)

No no. First was to say I'm proud of him and sorry I wasnt supportive.

I'm glad he's wanting to go back to school and quit stuff and I'll be here with him along the way.

I start word vomiting memories with him oops...

( when he first told me this, I was an ass ignoring the conversation really and we fought over bullshit and just gah never talked about it all weekend. I just wanted him to know I DID HEAR HIM and I really care. I'm proud he wants to work on himself )

oh and I apologized I never give him a chance to talk, I over talk over him then he gives up.

Makes me sad cause boo I wanna hear what you have to say!!!! But he just like nope forget it.... I'll learn to slow down so I can hear you, that's all I want. Him to be comfortable and open with me. I love listening to him, just sometimes he so quiet and I just idk hahaha get used to talking like the whole time for the both of us. I'm weird.

He said thankyou and I love you to this. Told me sleep cause ya I'm wired.

Then I sent him another appreciation and apology over our fights....

Even though it annoys me I LOVE HE BITES BACK and doesn't tolerate my shit for being a bitch for no reason when he doesn't derseve it and I'm so sorry.

(This why I hate nice guys, they can't handle it! Can't even put me in my place when I need it so I get worse and worse)

Where with caige idk.... like yes it gets mean (him especially when he's pissed off) but I don't wanna get to that point where Im the one saying the cruelst shit I can NEVER TAKE BACK.

Bipolar rage is no joke but fuck I gotta keep that temperature from not boiling. He helps test that water man..... like man...... the one expression I have to old back is the fucking hardest!!!!

He didn't see that message :( or was like boy she on a roll hahaha but agh I just wanted him to know ya. I love him. And stuff. Sorry. I think of you. From your nutty gf.

This relationship I know is...... something I want. First time in over 10 years, all the men I've ever ignored. I chose HIM. Even after of like almost 4 years of making him sleep at the foot of my bed lolol friend zoned.

Idk agh my heart strings when I found out the song he showed me wasn't for me wah that night, the thing that made fell for him. Dammit I sooo stoopid eh. As if...... mofo lucky he got in these pants, he claims I came to him first, no dummy... I went to you after you like..... man...

Idk wanna think of back then.... it was hard. Point being, he's mine now. That month apart, did good. Seeing eachother again made him realize what the fuck he wanted. I was like TOOO late, had ur chance (HE was like ah we should've just dated, mmmm I wanted you, you didn't want me) anywho teased him till the sun came up, oi boy.... here we go again *we banged* lol.

Then shut the front door. I tried running from again. I loved him bruh was hard not having him. He was like you think this easy on me? My life is not together, I'm like nether is mine.... he wanted us both to get where we needed to be first but why torture ourselves idk... or if he just making excuses and doesn't feel the same. SET ME FREEEE.

I was gonna be like bye :( but needed my journals from him.... anyway we took my pup to dog park. Then we went to our spot. This other lil park. It was our getting high spot from weed to our coke head days, drinks, and jib man.

And it became the spot where he asked me to be hissss.

Fuckin eh. Romantically high.

Took a walk down to the bushes/trees, well pup ran around following us. Our baby hahaha he step dad now.

He leaned against fallen down tree and pulled me close, as we both smoked Dat dumb drug. But that don't matter. Just agh KNOWING WE WERE FINALLY TOGETHER. Awkwardly saying babe now smiling and glowing...

(minus my bad news at same time of those pre cancerous cells) it was like hold the phone, lemme enjoy this right now.

Agh. Just man.... me single all this time.... and it's you????

The spot (years ago) he was to drunk and high and passed out in the snow. Was so heavy, I'm like we gotta go I'm not abandoning you out here in the cold!!!!!! Tells me should've left him IM LIKE NO you my bro, I'm getting ya home safe lol

Got stuck in the ditch there backing out oops..... made him come home with me. Again we did not sleep or kiss or nothing. I loved just his presence and being fucked up with him LOL I'm pretty sure he slept at the foot of the bed still.

Anyway he was to start a job that morning.... fuckin snow was heavy that night. What happend again? Got stuck in my own driveway this time fuck..... his fault this one. Other one was mineeee. His dad had to come pull me car out ermahgod..... then we rushed and got his ss to town so he made it to work. Lol I would've felt like shit cause I made him come home with me and if he'd missed that first day agh see I'm not always a good influence.

Holy man. I hate he got that job tho. Terrible. Just he reconnected with alot of drug people meh idk bleh. It's different when weeee do drugs together, doesn't count lololol and eh he was my friend, I think I started getting less attention. Yes I'm jello, I hog friends to myself hahaha

Fuckin hell.... idk how we did it back then. Just friends but we were close af. He was so quiet and depressed when I first met him and I was fucking manic as hell walking on cloud 9. The sun eh......

Then man things are blurry..... just always remembered him coming here to get STONED AF. We'd watch chucky together. Nd idk..... used to try sleeping normally but once we snuggled and awkwardly pecked abit and then I was like no cock blocked him. Back to the foot of the bed sir!!!!!

So fucking weird mannnnn. Doi I think we both wanted eachother during times but he couldn't have meeee so yenno did his own shit. Idk he would tell me his relationship stuff and I was like bruh the woman no derseve youuuu leave!

But we'd joke, he like oh I gotta send my money to my gf in city and I'd be like why don't I get money, he'd say be my gf then and you would lol

Just random shots like that. I know for a fact I'd sense jealousy when he'd have a women lol but I'm like no no, boy just a friend.

Fuck and when I had my first LDR I swear to God is when he started testing me. We were drunk and stoopid. He kept trying to kiss me, didn't count I didn't kiss back!

He'd try and leave to his parents and I'd literally be holding him tight, wrapped around his leg not wanting him to go.

Like man, I loved having him with me, his presence sleeping over, even tho we weren't a thing. Hated when he just come get high and had to go......

Jealousy bipolar drugs is why I think I distance myself for awhile after all that.... oh I was mad he made me feel like cheated -.-.

He was literally the guy in memes girls would say ' don't worry he's just a frieeeend ' well shit, look at us now.

How we BECOME WEEEEE. Fuckin eh. I was high..... on jib the first time.... we talked about how I haven't got laid in forever, he'd always offer him and I'm like no I don't sleep with my friends.

Even before then fuck, always some sexual tension was between us getting idk harder as time went on. I be bad and accidently let him see some sexy selfies oops. Boy that what you can't have 😂.

Eventually just causal touching would happen like I didn't care if grabbed my boobs, was all just idk jokes.

Even busy fucking curiosity me stoned asking, well how big is it????? Oh fuck that's what happend that night he was here (when I was in my ldr) we almost banged. (I'm like you just want me more now cause I'm taken!) We was wasted......

But ya he had me in a position where I was laying on the bed him standing up, just grrrrr. Guess dry fucking lmfao. I remember wanting it sooo bad LIKE NO NO HES A FRIEND AND YOU HAVE A MAN NOW (tho really i don't count that anymore as boyfriend, just someone I used to FaceTime alot lolol but at the time it felt like cheating)

That fucker, once again building that damn sexual vibe AHHHHHH.

I don't think we hung out for awhile after that. I was mad at him lol trying to get with me all of sudden.

Anywho anywho, ldr died, time went on we haven't seen eachother in awhile. I missed him and wanted him as my friend again. Tho everyone told me not to, that he just uses me and stuff whatever idk. Didn't care. I did but gr.

Like something about that boy had me like a magnet towards him.

Back to the day I first got high on jib. Which IM MAD CAUSE I READ SHIT WRONG. Or idk. Anywho. Talked all night long. Snuggling and stuff. By morning, I said this story before, I let him have me lol. Like why torture myself man. Sex sex sex.

Shit he confuses this idk why. I have a shit and good memory. He likes to say I came to him first. No. We banged at mine first doofus. Then I wanted to see ya again is how I ended up going to his and rest is history of fucking bs confusing ahhhhhhhh.

Bruh anyway before we even banged asked if loved him.... awkward ass question. Like idk..... and I was scared of commitment and shit and it was a weird conversation. I can't say I love you rn?

Smh by the time he left. He stopped looked at me. Don't get attached. I was like bruh wtf?

Idk one of those days he was at mine..... I was all over him, I made it clear I wanted more. he didn't. Was frustrating af. Cause ya I was scared to date but I was sick of hook ups and men that were unavailable saying I was to good for them.

So it's like really again.... but I my dumbass was like I ain't raising my number again. Noone else to bang, he re woken the sexual beast LMFAO so let's keep this ride going I guess .

Which fuck me. Was great for the most part except I turned into a jib head.... we just smoke and hide in his room alllll daaaay. Gaming, Journaling, coloring, me talking alllll the time, making videos, this is where I got in to tumblr when I forgot my journal one day, and I discovered how to make gifs 😉

So I'd make him gifs hehe. Anyways you lucky bastards that followed me..... got all those gifs hahaha when me and him stopped talking. Or well just idk.. just bestfriends. I was like fuck it I'll share my gifs here where they feel appreciated lol he not my man.

Then welcome to the hoeboe blog! Which is crazy cause nows it my bipolar blog diary thingy hahahaha

Yeah yeah yeah man. Anyway I think yall know the rest of our love story. He was wanting me when shit was just TO LATE! EMOTIONAL TORTURE falling for someone who didn't wanna date you smh. You fucker made me fall for you.

Oh we had a fight recently where he said the same to me, I got him to fall for me and made him catch feelings. good. I love you.

Like I don't think he derseved me... this girl cracked out said he didn't deserve me lmao I'm like yeah I know..... but fuck man life's short..

The heart wants what the heart wants. ☠️

Man. Do I trust him? I'm bipolar I don't trust anyone really. My suspicions kill me inside everyday. Haha

Funny. We don't have eachother on any social media but messenger..... but I kind of like it that way. Keeps me from ever hitting stalker mode lol your business is yours unless you wanna share it with me. Bruh I seen Samantha notification pop up as I watching you play on your iPad. My head like WHOSE THE BITCH. Then it like nah.....

To grown for that shit. Unless I fuckin bust him with concrete proof yenno.... whatever then.

Just lemme enjoy having someone for once and ignore any paranoia or suspicions. Plus fuck man you NEED TO TRUST to start a relationship silly to go into one and just be like whose this bitch instantly, you cheating eh?

I will trust till he proves not to. Tho I know he's a pro liar eh eh. He knows I'm a good manipulator. Soo hmph.

Back to like guy can talk to whoever whatever. Just don't DAMN FLIRT YOUR MINEEEE. Like I have my guy friends I talk to.

Holy shiet before our month apart we were here getting fucked up. I had Randoms from whisper on my snap. He was like kinda losing it next to me. So I was telling someone about it and leaned over hiding me text. He was like IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND all mad and jealous lmfao and then denied it next day saying I no care. You like me and are jello, heheh.

Omg new post this long. Whaaat I talk to much.

Oh yeah.... hrmph I won't be insanely jealous quit yet. I mean. I have reasons not to be either lol. Hehehehe

[itsbeeble]

Tumblr has crashed twice while I have been trying to send you this message! I’m at 4am and in a couple hours you’ll be at like oh god hopefully not 7, you said 7 sometimes once didn’t you?

Regardless…. GOOD MORNING!! I HOPE FINALS ARE GOING WELL! Eat breakfast and study a little even if you also send up writing!

And get a lot of rest! End of the semester strong!!

(You should set up a ko-fi or something if you’re comfortable with it so I can fund you coffee 👀)

Anywaysssss I’m sleeping good night sorry to ghost all week ! Not that you’re expecting me really uh

YOUVE GOT THIS FIGHTING MESSAGE ME IF YOU NEED EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AND YOUR SCHOOL PROBABLY HAS MANY RESOURCES THIS WEEK TOO!

My school has a midnight scream tradition, where every day of finals we all scream at midnight !

-Brie

this means sm to me 🫶🫶🫶 I only have one final left and it’s not until tomorrow thank god and after that im FREEEE

[angelic-anissa]

:)

[awkward-finger-guns]

no thought just Nagito singing Meant to Be Yours

[viridian-angel]

i want friends that’ll play heritage for the future with me

[fluffyartbl0g]

I watched the heathers in person and it blew me AWAY!!!! ADRENALINE WAS PUMPING THROUGH MY VEINS!!! Anyways I tried to figure out how to draw JD so have a bunch of doodles I made in his honour :D

VERONICA IM SURE UR SCARED IVE BEEN THERE I CAN SET YOU FREEEE!!1!!1!1!1!1!