#I can remember sitting on the corner at dusk everyone beat to hell from going hard all day

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

Jackson 5 says ABC but the crypto coin says BTC and that is quite curious

[lovenona]

it’s here, it’s wild, and it’s fun – welcome to “what happened after the art show” featuring everyone’s favorite menace art student ryomen sukuna (previous installment here and full universe here) 

(note that this does contain some references to explicit content – it will be clearly marked within the text) 

now that i've captured your attention: there are a myriad of ways this could go, really. let’s start with the basics. 

first things first: while the thought of scratching up geto’s stupid little car sounds awfully appealing to you, and while you simply wanted to accept the offer for the sake of sukuna’s unusually kind gesture, you also know that you don’t want some serious claims filed against you. geto’s a prick, as you’ve learned, and it’s best to keep things civil. 

so you politely tell sukuna as much, and while he might tease you for being a coward, you know there’s no real malice behind that impenetrable voice of his. 

but the night is not over! sukuna will take you to his car, then. it’s vintage and black and a little beat up and there’s miscellaneous art supplies and tattoo reference books strewn across the backseat, but it smells so distinctly like sukuna that it feels strangely like home. he controls the music, of course, blaring indie and punk with his windows cracked so every stoplight can hear. (he has a preference for wolf alice. he thinks the lead singer is hot.) and even better, he’s got a smirk, a real one, as he drapes one hand across the steering wheel and the other on the glove box between you. 

(you think you’d like his hand to reach further. but you’re still technically in recovery mode, so of course you won’t say it, not yet.) 

your earlier sadness melts away with every minute you spend in sukuna’s car. he’ll take you for a drive without needing to ask. he can read the vibe – it’s you. you don’t want to go home, you don’t want to go out, you don’t want to be anywhere; so he’ll keep you in that liminal space, driving in circles and turning down strange roads whenever and wherever he feels like it. he’ll pass familiar buildings on campus to make a silly little quip, drive past the grocery store to watch students filter through with their reusable grocery bags, drive past the parks that loom in the dusk shadows. you don’t need to talk, and neither does he. it’s quiet, strangely, but a silence so comfortable you hardly notice it. 

and, frankly, the most realistic ending to this night would be that sukuna drops you off at your apartment complex and lets you go home for the night with a final joke. but, of course, i know that’s not why any of us are here. 

so, of course, let’s go to sukuna’s place, instead. it’s an expected gesture, almost, and you can’t say you’re particularly surprised when you see the familiar building come into view. you’ve been to his apartment a few times now, and it’s a place you’re beginning to learn like the back of your hand. 

at this point, your night could go one of two ways. you may now choose your own adventure: safe and fun or sex and spice? 

safe and fun: (mentions of alcohol) 

you’re stumbling through the door with sukuna, arguing with him as you always do, only to find yuuji and his crew in the living room playing god-knows-what on the xbox. they’ll wave you in with a casual vigor, their loud and raucous behavior making sense once you see the array of empty white claws on the table. (many of them are mango. it’s yuuji’s favorite flavor.) 

“you’re back early,” yuuji tells sukuna with a loopy grin, a grin that suggests something unspeakable as he wiggles his eyebrows. he looks at you with that dopey little smile and you roll your eyes. 

“the art show sucked,” sukuna responds, scrunching his nose and heading to the kitchen to fix himself a drink. “you fuckers still drink that shit?” 

sukuna, you know, hates white claw. he’ll only drink hard alcohol, mixed drinks, things that make him feel like a man. you’ve seen it firsthand countless times by now. 

“you’re fourteen minutes older than me,” yuuji whines. “don’t act so high and mighty, old man.”

so sukuna will make himself a drink – a real drink, he clarifies – and offer you a glass almost instinctively. your fingers brush his as he hands you the glass. something electric runs across the surface of your skin, rustles your bones. you make eye contact, and it’s a thousand lifetimes unsaid between you. 

(you wonder if you like him. you don’t know.) 

so the night passes: you watch yuuji and his friends try and struggle to complete the missions in their silly little game as sukuna sits next to you, flexing his biceps as if he knows you’re watching from the corner of your eyes. megumi yells at yuuji who yells at nobara, and while they offer to let you play, you simply cannot break the connection between them. you like the way yuuji laughs and the way nobara smiles and the way their presence is like a soothing balm, cool and collected. 

it’s strange and comforting all at the same time, this newfound ease you feel as you settle back into the couch, your drink sweet on your lips. 

the night is a warm lilt; the silly party plays their games, you watch, sukuna acts indifferent to the spectacle and threatens to return to his room at any moment. you know, though, that he’s enjoying himself, even if only because of his posture and the smirk ghosting his lips. it’s wonderful and mundane and in this moment of pure domesticity, you can allow yourself to forget the night’s events entirely. 

you hardly remember silly geto now, you do. you know you’ll be angry as all hell when you see him in class but for now, here, it’s okay. 

and when you fall asleep, slowly, suddenly, someone – you think sukuna, but he insists he didn’t – tucks you beneath a layer of warm blankets. it’s a warm night, a comforting night, one that feels like a kiss to the forehead. you need it. 

(you think sukuna really does kiss your forehead, too, but you don’t know. when you wake on the couch the next morning, you wonder whether it could have all been a dream.)

sex and spice: contains nsfw, slight dubcon (both characters are tipsy but very much consenting and happy with their situation), oral (f! receiving), sukuna being a tease 

oh, but the second option. you’ll stumble through the door in this life to find that yuuji’s not home – the apartment is dark and quiet and full of a tension you cannot name. you’ll become hyper aware of your actions, suddenly, shyly, taking note of the exact way you take off your coat and shoes and leave them in the doorway. sukuna feels incredibly present and you don’t know why. you’ve been alone with him before, but perhaps it’s different when you’re alone like this. when it’s his home, his couch, and not a classroom. it’s different, now, when the chances of being seen by strangers have decreased significantly. 

you’ll warm up slightly, though, when sukuna offers you a drink in that teasing voice he always uses when he wants to fluster you. he’ll fix the drinks with a bartender’s ease and sit down on the couch, throwing an arm back, letting his bicep tattoos flex in the golden glow of the living room. 

it’s so quiet, and you’re trying your best, really, but you don’t know what to say. you’ll put the television on and sukuna will find something you both know you  won’t watch but lets you ease the strain. you’ll make fun of it, he’ll make fun of it, and you’ll slide back like molasses into the lazy semblance of friendship you’ve cultivated together. 

and it’ll be easier to feel normal, too, once you’ve had a drink or two – your tongue loosens up, and you find yourself able to say things to sukuna that you’ve never said before. you find yourself forgetting that you’re alone with sukuna in his house, and that you are suddenly and absolutely nervous in a way you have never been before. 

“so tell me,” he’ll ask, turning to you on the couch, brave and arrogant with a dark and stormy in his system. “how was it?”

you pretend you don’t know what he’s talking about. “how was what?” you’ll purse your lips together and suppress the butterflies in your chest. you wonder just how long you have thought sukuna to be attractive. 

he’ll shake his head. “fucking geto, you idiot.” plastered across his face is the smirk you’d know with your eyes closed. he leans in, slightly, not enough to terrify you but enough to leave you struggling to form a complete sentence as your brain shuts down. 

but you’ve had something to drink, too, and while in daylight you would have ignored his question entirely, brushing him off as a perv and a jokester, you can’t help but think there’s something different in the aura of the room tonight. you can’t help but be honest. 

“it was fine, i guess,” you tell him. you shrug your shoulders and look back towards the television. you pretend you care about what you see. 

he smells like something smoky and earthy today. “fine?” 

you try to make a joke, but your head is spinning from his undivided attention. you do not know what you are anymore. “are you always this interested in my sex life?”

sukuna, surprisingly, grins with genuine amusement. “no, but geto gives off the vibe of a limp dick film boy, and i wanted to know if it’s true.” 

“limp dick film boy,” you repeat, and a hearty laugh escapes your bubbling chest. you feel your inhibitions melt away, and your secrets fly out of you, the horrifying experience of the art show fading behind you. you’ll deal with geto in class, you think vaguely. at least he never said your name. 

you sigh, forgetting him like a bad pun. “i mean, i guess it was fine. i don’t know.” 

“you don’t know.” you can’t tell if he’s being condescending or if he’s genuinely concerned for the state of your pitiful sex life. “did he at least give good head if he made a fucking sculpture about it?”

“what?” your heart stops, your face is hot, your brain on fire. it’s not that he’s crossed a line, you think, but that that question opens something deep and unspeakable and strange. “no?” you don’t know why you answer, but something within you tells you that you must. something tells you that the world is shifting, and you must follow.

“he didn’t?” you feel the couch shift as sukuna shifts closer. “what kind of fucker doesn’t? it’s common courtesy, you know.” 

“he didn’t want to,” you respond, but you don’t know what you’re defending.

“and if i do?” 

you freeze. one of sukuna’s hands traces your shoulder like butterfly wings. it must be the rum talking, you think, because there’s no way sukuna would want you. it wouldn’t make sense, certainly, you rationalize. he must be out of his mind, this must be a joke –

“you still there?” a finger taps your forehead. 

“yeah,” you respond, returning to yourself. you curse your flailing heartbeat. you turn to look at sukuna, so close to you, and you’re met with the terrifying depth of his dark gaze. you have never seen this gaze, this look that places you at the center of the universe. your breath nearly catches in your throat. 

sukuna leans in. so do you, instinctively. you disregard geto and the sculpture and everything that came before. this, you think. this is what it should have been like. you’ve been waiting for this moment since the first time he kissed you months ago. you’re overcome with sensations you cannot name, an ache that builds and spreads through your belly. perhaps you’ll regret it tomorrow. but now, here, you want it more than anything. 

“you don’t have to,” sukuna says. his breath is hot on your cheeks. 

“i want to,” you say, and it’s a kiss for the ages. 

so he’ll push you backwards to lie on the couch, and his shirt will be off and disregarded before you can think about it. you’ll trace the tattoos on his broad chest, lines and patterns you’ve never seen until now that you will never be able to forget. you’ll memorize the feeling of his tongue in your mouth, the smooth metal of his tongue piercing sending shivers down your spine. it’s messy and crude and everything you would expected it to be – neither one of you is willing to give in to the other. neither wants to admit this is anything more than a challenge. 

(you’re in heaven, though. geto who?) 

and fuck, god, the look he gives you as he asks if he can take your pants off now: you’d paint it, frame it, place it in every art museum in the world if you could. it’s the second time you’ve taken your clothes off for someone in your life and while it’s strange and weird and sukuna, it feels right at the same time. he bites your neck when you left your hips to slide the clothes off you body and you feel dizzy with hunger. 

sukuna loves to tease. he’ll make his way down your body slowly, tantalizingly, sly, and you swear you’ll lose your mind if he waits any longer. and when he looks back up to meet your eyes, with that lustful, dangerous, blown-out gaze, you know you’re fucked. you know you’re fucked when you realize it’s ryomen sukuna hanging out between your parted thighs, asking for consent before he places a soft kiss to your clit. 

and you know, you know bitterly, that this would have been the most mind-blowing sex of your life had the key not turned in the lock because yuuji decided to come home early. 

so you scramble to get your shit together, angry and disappointed. and even though you’ve regained your clothes and your dignity before yuuji can even remove his shoes and make his mindless way to the living room, you cannot quell the fire that grows within you. you cannot stop the hunger that has already begun. and sukuna knows it, too, because his eyes have not lost the look of a predator looking for prey. 

(and, you notice, because his dick is still hard.) 

he looks at you, and you look at him. he leans in, grins, whispers, “my room?” 

[headinthestaticsky]

The Dusk Calls for me: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 14

AUTHOR’S NOTE: ALL the characters in Twilight DO NOT belong to me. ALL RIGHTS GO TO STEPHENIE MEYER

“I can see you clear as yesterday Top down, fingers in the breeze Weavin' through the lights in the sky You said, "Baby close your eyes" And I prayed we would all always Hold on to this feeling, stronger, faster Faster.”

Kwamie Liv, Angel Haze: Pleasure This Pain.

I couldn’t remember much of the ride to the airport, nor did I remember much of the plane ride. I was in shock, paralyzed with worry and fear. Not for me per-say but, My dad, the Cullens, they were all at risk. I couldn’t stand the fact that any of them would be killed because of me. I wished my dreams could’ve predicted this, that I had somehow acquired the ability to see the future like Alice did. I could only predict death it seems... I hadn’t dreamed of anyone getting killed. Maybe it was a good sign, we would be fine. Yes, I would convince myself that... I hadn’t dreamed of anyone dying, we would be fine. 

The only thing I could remember was Bella constantly calling mom, she wouldn’t talk to me or look at me. I felt the same tension I always felt when I was around her a few months ago. I was livid with her, not one call to dad... not one. She clearly didn’t give a damn about his safety either, she was ready to abandon him. Throw him into the wolves to save herself... that selfish side to her had never left it seems. I pulled out my phone again, texting dad.

“Made it to phoenix, we’re safe... getting a ride to a hotel now. I haven’t changed her mind yet. I love you and miss you.” 

I read the text again, wishing the contents of it were true. I wanted to be safe, I wanted to be back home. I wish I was sitting across from dad in the diner talking amongst ourselves. I wish I was driving down the forest going to see the Cullens. I wanted to attempt to beat Alice at chess, to joke around with Emmett and Dean. To have heart to hearts with Esme who was more of a mother to me than Renee had ever been. I wanted to be with Jasper, wrapped in each others arms doing random things together. But, I had to come back to reality... I might not be able to do those things... ever again. 

The hotel looked nice and comfortable but I couldn’t stand the heat of Arizona. It was sickening, the hot air struggled to get into my lungs. The rainy weather of Forks sounded wonderful right now. Dean and Alice got us a hotel room and eagerly brought us up to it. I had a feeling they thought we would be fully safe in there. I put my bag down at the side of my bed and clasped on it, my exhaustion was setting in. Bella had sat on the one next to me and signed. She sounded annoyed to me.

“I didn’t want to come here, I wanted to be with Edward.”

I lifted my head and stared at her... I wasn’t going to snap... maybe she was just scared and was lashing out at people... yeah that was it. 

“I’m really sorry this is happening Bella, It must be really hard to be away from Edward.”

“Yeah it is! If you hadn’t said anything...”

“Look this isn’t either of our faults. If we’re going to get pissed at anyone, it’s James.”

Bella looked at, she knew I was right... I could see it in her face. But, she couldn’t admit it right now and just scoffed and went into the lounge area of the hotel room. She was making this more difficult, I wanted to snap at her just as much as she was angry with me. We’re falling back into the dark hole of resentment, it was suffocating. 

“Fleur? Could you come in here for a second?” Alice asked

I groaned slowly raising myself up from the bed, I went into the lounge room, Alice and Dean looked at me sympathetically. 

“How ya holding up?” Dean asked.

“I’ve been better.”

“Look, you’re going to be okay.” Alice said.

“It’s not about me guys, It’s everyone back at home... They could get hurt, and I can’t do a thing about it.”

“They can handle themselves Fleur, I’ve lived with them for decades... the know what they’re doing.” Dean said.

“But what about dad, I know he’s hurting right now.” 

“He’s going to be fine Fleur, I promise besides, Esme and Rosalie will be down there with him as soon as they leads the tracker away.” Alice said

“You guys are right... could we get something to eat, I am absolutely starving.”

“Sure, I’ll order room service.” Alice replied.

Room service had come, the food was devoured quickly. The nerves were still lingering in the back of my mind but I knew I would just have to have faith in everyone back at Forks. We were all sitting in silence, Bella was facing away from all of us, she looked tense. I heard Alice gasp and my heart sunk to my stomach... she had a vision and I knew it wouldn’t be good.

“What’s wrong?” I said.

“What do you see, Alice?” Dean asked.

“The tracker... he just changed course.”

“Oh on.” I said.

Bella’s head whipped around coming to sit next to Alice.

Dean grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil. He put it in Alice’s hand, she then started drawing where the tracker was going.

“So the tracker is going to be at a... Ballet studio?” Bella inquired.

“You’ve been here?” Alice asked.

“Yeah, I took lesson as a kid, the school had an archway just like that.” Bella added.

“Is the school here in Phoenix?”

“Yeah..” Bella’s phone began to ring, she went to the balcony and closed the door, clearly wanting privacy.

“If the school is here in Phoenix... he probably going to use the place as a trap in some way.” I said.

“Are you sure?” Alice asked.

“Yeah I mean... why the hell would he go to a ballet studio other than the fact that he was trying to find Bella and I.”

“We better leave then, get Bella when she is done and meet us down in the lobby.” Dean ordered.

“Yeah... I will.” 

The pair then left quickly, going to check out. I had just grabbed my back when my phone had rang.

“Hello?”

“Fleur, the tracker... he changed course.” Jasper said, he voice was dripping with worry.

“I know Alice just saw, we plan on leaving soon.”

“I’ll be coming down to find you as soon as I can. Your dad is safe still. We can go anywhere you want as long as it’s safe.”

“My phone’s about to die... I have to go. Love you, please, stay safe.”

“I will, love you too.”

I sat in the room, my body stuck in it’s place. He was coming here... we didn’t have much time to get out. Bella had burst through the balcony door, worry etched all over her face.

“Fleur we need to go, we need to go right now. James has mom, in the ballet studio.”

“Bella, calm down... I think it’s a trap.”

“Like hell it is I heard her over the phone. She kept saying my name she sounds terrified.”

“Think about this Bella... Alice just saw James change his course to that studio... it’s a lure Bella he’s going to kill you.”

“How selfish can you be Fleur!?”

“Excuse me!?”

“Yeah you heard me, this entire time all of this has gone down you’ve been trying to convince everyone you’re right.”

“I said two things Bella, I’m not trying to get people to follow me blindly... I use context clues... It’s been working for me these past 17 years!”

“I mean you just had to butt in that we had to go back to Charlie, you made Edward change his mind about taking me to Vancouver, and now you’re trying to convince me that mom isn’t in any danger at all! How selfish can you be?”

“YOU...” My hands had begun to shake, I pointed a finger at her hitting her in the chest.

“YOU, ARE OFFICIALLY THE BIGGEST HYPOCRITE I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE. YOU WERE GOING TO LEAVE DAD ALL ALONE WHILE A VAMPIRE WAS CHASING US... DO YOU REALIZE THAT IF HE DIDN’T SEE YOU LEAVE THAT HOUSE DAD WOULD BE DEAD?! AND DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME I MADE EDWARD DO A DAMN THING, HE IS A GROWN ASS MAN... A 108 YEARS OLD TO BE EXACT... HE CAN DO ANYTHING HE WANTS TO DO. AND IT’S NOT “CHARLIE” IT’S DAD!”

“I am going down to that studio whether you like it or not.”  

Before I could get another word in she stormed off. Not matter how pissed I was at her... I couldn’t leave her alone in that studio. I would have to find a way to get there without Alice or Dean noticing me. I snuck my way down to the hotel lobby, I looked around for Bella, she was no where in sight. 

“She moves quick... I’ll give her that.”

Alice and Dean had just made it to the front of the line to check out. That was when I made a run for it. I made out, the sun already blistering my skin even if it was 8:49 PM. I ran to the nearest taxi.

“Hello, where can I take you today?”

“Mimi's School of Dance, please.”

“Of course ma’am.”

I remember the name of that school by heart. I had begged my mother to go when I was younger but, she never let me.

FLASHBACK...

“Oh c’mon mommy please?”

“NO, that is my final answer!”

“Why, Bella gets to go?”

“Because you’re way too lanky, you’d look like a dying deer out there!”

I had looked up at here, tears were spilling down my face.

“Daddy says I look beautiful.”

“Well there’s a reason why I left him... he has no sense to him what so ever.”

“I asked why I couldn’t go... not to get insults hurled at me.”

“Maybe if you’d just keep your mouth shut you wouldn’t have to worry about now would’t you? You’re just like your father... you never know when to shut up!”

“I hate you.” I said. I turned and ran back upstairs, Bella was looking over the corner of the room. A smirk was plastered on her face.

“She’s right you know... you would look like a dying deer out there.”

I didn’t even engage in her conversation, I just slammed my door shut. I didn’t come out for the rest of the day.

END OF FLASHBACK.

I stared out the window, the same mantra going through my mind.

“Just let me get there quick enough, please.”

[scribbles97]

Half a Hope

Post Season 3 fic, based on a comment made by Colonel Casey in Break Out.

I make no apologies for where this ended.

@gumnut-logic thank you for the cheerleading as always!

They had seen each other in passing, she had been there when they had landed on the Island. Jeff’s first thought had been how old she had looked, but a glance in the elevator doors had reminded him of just how old he himself had gotten.

Val had smiled and waved, promised she would visit as soon as she had dealt with the Hood and his new team.

He had put it down to exhaustion that he was disappointed that she hadn’t stayed.

Then it had been forgotten about though, written out by time with his family and a move to hospital to ensure a proper recovery. Tests and reports had filled his days, discussions of what he had missed and what he had to face before normality would take over again. After eight years alone it was a lot to take in.

He wasn’t proud that he had once snapped at his mothers well meaning fussing.

He was grateful that she had at least understood.

Exhausted and overwhelmed, he looked forward to his moments of peace when everyone else had gone home. He appreciated the chance to simply switch off and block out everything around him. The doctors and nurses were done for the day, bland dinner served and pills dispensed, he knew he wouldn’t be disturbed for the evening.

The lightest of taps on the door was enough to draw his attention, pulling him back from the edge of relaxation.

“I can come back.”

She had whispered it, but compared to the noise of space, everything was loud.

“No,” He grunted, pushing himself upright in the bed against muscles that protested, “come in, Val, it’s good to see you.”

Her smile widened as she slipped quietly through the door, hesitating by it as she shook her head.

“It’s really you,” Whispered again, “you’re really home.”

He grinned back, “In the flesh.”

“Forgive me for being sceptical,” She shrugged, “It’s kind of been a while.”

“Too damn long,” He replied, resting his head back against the pillows, “Come and sit.”

She glanced over her shoulder, “The nurse sai--”

“Damn the nurses,” He waved her towards the seat again, “I know what I need, and it’s for you to tell me the unabridged versions of what I’ve missed.”

Even her laugh was quiet as she skirted the room, pulling the chair closer before she took a seat. Her eyes seemed brighter in the lights, her smile softened from the hard tight look she had thrown across the tarmac to him weeks ago. She was still noticeably older than he remembered, grey streaking her hair, and laugh lines creasing the corner of her eyes deeper than he remembered.

He couldn’t help but think how it suited her.

“So,” She murmured, crossing one leg over the other as she sat forward, “Where shall I start?”

They had talked for hours that first evening, and if it hadn’t been for the mental and physical exhaustion pulling him towards sleep, he was sure they wouldn’t have stopped. Her hand had been warm and comfortable on his shoulder before she had left, the first time she had dared to reach out to him.

Part of him didn’t want her to leave, her company easier than anybody else's.

Val didn’t fuss or fret, didn’t treat him like the old man he felt he was. She seemed to know though, just what he needed, how to speak in the low tones that didn’t disturb him, how to keep company without having to even say anything.

He loved his family, but they were all so eager to have him home, sometimes they seemed to forget and he had to remind them.

Val seemed constantly, acutely aware.

After the first night they had talked often. Everything and nothing coming to mind in equal measures. Some conversations were important, Janus trying to force Val out of her job and the boys into submission. Others were less so, simple time fillers when the silence was too much.

On the dark nights, when sleep wouldn’t come and his burdens were too heavy for his sons to shoulder, she was there. Occasionally in person, more often in text. She had put it down to being a light sleeper, used to being woken at the slightest call for her attention. He hadn’t questioned, simply grateful for the company and the outlet.

When he returned to the Island and was forced to watch in person as his son’s risked their lives time and again, she was there to reassure. There may have also been a degree of ass kicking when he had questioned himself and the organisation he had created. Her tongue was sharp as ever, not a single word minced over her thoughts on the topic.

She always had been damn good at setting him straight.

It was what she had done after Lucy. After he had all but abandoned his family and set himself on a downward spiral, Val had been the one to drag him back up and shove him down the path he needed to follow.

“What’s got you smiling?”

He shrugged, glancing down to his bourbon as he swirled it, the ice clinking on the sides of the glass. He didn’t drink much any more, more conscious of his declining health than he had ever been, but it had been a year since he had walked out of that hospital and he was sure the one drink was warranted.

“I owe you some thanks,” He sighed, drawing his gaze from the sun setting far on the horizon and back to her, “For keeping me going since I came home.”

Her eyes met his for the briefest of moments before she was looking away. He wasn’t sure if he was meant to notice how her jaw clenched and her own smile fell, but he did, and it worried him.

“Val?”

She didn’t look back, instead taking a sip of her drink, eyes fixed on the pool below the deck.

“Val.” He stated, frowning as he sat straighter.

Both of them knew the tone, each had spent enough time in the military to know when a statement was a command. Neither could ignore it.

Swallowing her drink she didn’t look back to him, “You said the same after Lucy died.”

The statement only confused him more.

“Val what--”

“Be quiet.”

He did as she asked, still frowning as he watched her. The trust was strong between both of them, and he knew better than to push. She would speak when she was ready.

Still, it made him worry. He couldn’t remember a time when she hadn’t been blunt with him, when her words hadn’t cut straight to the core of any issue. To see her so clearly conflicted seemed wrong.

She had told him to be quiet, but she hadn’t stopped him from reaching out to touch her arm where it rested outstretched towards him. Her breath sucked in sharply at his touch as she closed her eyes.

“All I needed was half a hope.”

Words no longer needed whispering for him, but it seemed it was all she could force out as her eyes snapped back to him.

There were tears there.

“They didn’t tell me.” She whispered with a shake of her head, “I was the last to find out you might be alive.”

This he hadn’t known.

Anger burned somewhere deep in him at the thought of her being in the dark.

“I thought you were dead, and I didn’t know what to do Jeff because I finally understood it all.”

The hand of the arm he had reached to twisted, taking his fingers and squeezing them tightly as she swallowed.

“I finally understood what you felt when you said a part of you had died with Lucy.”

His heart clenched at the thought, long buried feelings and emotions bubbling up. It was a time in his life he never would forget, the pain indescribable and most certainly not anything he would ever wish on another.

Val had watched him through it all, a quiet shoulder of support at the start when the ache of loss was at its worst.

Who had been there to support her?

“I would have done anything,” She continued softly, “if there had been the slightest indication that you could have been alive…”

Catching her hand in his before she could pull away, he held on tight. It was far too late, the damage already done and no doubt seared deep, but he was there.

“You couldn’t have known.” He murmured, “Val there was no possible way for you--”

“I should have!” She snapped, cutting him off as eyes glistening with unshed tears turned on him.

Colonel Evangeline Casey didn’t do scared.

Jeff could count on one hand the number of times he had seen her well and truly afraid.

It was undoubtedly what he was seeing in that moment though. Equal parts hurt and fear as she watched him, unable to look away.

“How?” He prompted softly, thumb smoothing calmly over the back of her hand, “How should you have known Val?”

She shrugged as she shook her head, eyes finally breaking away to look at his hand over hers.

Equally as soft, “Because it was you.”

Another question was on the tip of his tongue, desperate to figure out what had brought all of this on. She beat him to it though, the words coming tumbling as if the dam had broken.

“Because it was you and Lee and Lucy and me, and when Lucy was gone nothing seemed right any more. Lee couldn’t cope so he left the world behind, and then it was just us. You and me against whatever the world decided to throw at us after that, and the world threw some wicked curveballs.”

He could guess she wasn’t talking of the challenges of starting International Rescue.

“Because you’re you,” She shrugged, voice twisting tight with the words, “You were my best friend's husband, and then she was gone and hell it seemed so wrong. Who else did I have though? Nobody else seemed to get it like you always did, and part of me really hated you for that because it made everything so much more complicated. How could I really hate you though? You didn’t even know, and I knew, I always knew your heart would only ever belong to Lucy.”

The tears had tracked down her cheeks, barely visible in the soft dusk light. Jeff could see them though, them and all they stood for.

With a sniff, Val looked away, dipping her head as she closed her eyes and swallowed the last mouthful of her drink.

“Didn’t stop me though,” Her eyes darted back, holding his as she pursed her lips, “Didn’t stop me from loving you.”

TBC?

[buckybarnesdollface]

Thought It’d Be Harmless

Summary: When work brings reader back to New York City, she has to face her lingering feelings for a certain supersoldier.

Based on "Sex (With My Ex)" by Fletcher

Warnings: Female Reader, Smut, Angst, not a happy ending

           Christmas in New York was just as I remembered it – Storefronts overflowing with holiday décor, trees and shrubs adorned with twinkling lights, and people pushing past each other, in a rush to get everything done before the big day. It had been a few years since I’d been in the city during Christmas, but an assignment I’d been sent on had brought me back. Growing up in London, I was used to extravagant holiday displays, but New York at Christmastime would always hold a special place in my heart.

           At the moment, though, it was neither my assignment nor the holidays that had me walking down Prospect Place in Brooklyn at dusk. The street was familiar – more familiar to me than it should have been – and my heart started beating faster as I neared my destination.

           He was standing outside the coffee shop waiting for me when I arrived, holding two to-go cups of coffee. He was dressed in jeans and a leather jacket over a plain gray t-shirt, barely enough to keep warm on a chilly December evening, if he had to worry about the cold. His face lit up with a brilliant smile when he saw me, and my heart flipped in my chest.

           “Hey,” Bucky greeted as I approached him. “I got your favourite – a hazelnut cappuccino.”

           He handed me one of the cups, and I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth. The fact that he insisted on meeting up at the place we’d had our first date and still remembered my coffee order should have annoyed me, but instead it had butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

           “Thanks,” I murmured, taking a sip and letting the hot liquid warm my insides. “I wasn’t sure you’d reach out, let alone know I was in town.”

           “Steve heard from Fury and told me,” Bucky replied, grin rueful. “It’s been awhile, I thought it’d be nice to catch up.”

           I nodded. “Right. So, did you wanna sit” – I gestured at the bistro tables outside the coffee shop – “or walk?”

           “You’ll stay warmer if we’re moving. Besides, I know how much you love Christmas in the city. I won’t deprive you of that.”

           A blush tinted my cheeks pink, but I fell into step with Bucky as we made our way down the street. Part of me knew this was a very bad idea, even seeing him, but a larger part squashed those thoughts. We were just two friends catching up; we’d keep the conversation light and carefully avoid anything to do with the past. As long as there were no expectations, it would be harmless.

           “So, how’s London?” Bucky asked as we walked. I shrugged.

           “It was always home to me, so it wasn’t much of an adjustment moving back.”

           I would have missed it had I not known him so well, but my eyes caught the way Bucky flinched at my words. I pursed my lips and shook my head.

           “I just meant that’s where I grew up –” I started, but Bucky cut me off.

           “I know what you meant, (Y/N); no need to explain.” He took a sip of his coffee – black, with two sugars, if my memory served me – and was silent a moment before speaking again. “So, the MI6," he said airily. “Must be quite the step up from S.H.I.E.L.D. You’re one of the elites now, like James Bond.”

           I snorted. “I see Sam has introduced you to another movie franchise.”

           Bucky’s grin was mischievous. “How do I know you aren’t undercover right now and trying to gather intel to take back to England?” he accused, and I arched a brow at him.    

           “You reached out to me, remember?” I pointed out. Bucky’s smile softened.

           “I did,” he agreed. “I missed you, (Y/N).”

           I froze. I shook my head, heart in my throat. “Bucky…”

           “I didn’t mean it like that, calm down. Can’t a friend tell another friend he’s missed her? We are friends, aren’t we?”

           The breath I’d been holding left my lungs in a whoosh, and I nodded dazedly. “Right. Yes. Of course. Friends,” I mumbled. Bucky gave me an inquiring look, brow furrowed and blue eyes boring into mine until I had to tear my gaze away. I took a sip of my cappuccino, fighting to steady my heart rate.

           “So, how’s the rest of the team?” I asked once I’d regained my composure. Bucky shrugged.

           “Nothing’s changed. Steve and Tony still bicker. Sam is still annoying as hell most of the time. Things are still awkward between Nat and Bruce. You know, the usual.”

           “I miss everyone,” I admitted, and Bucky’s smile was soft and sad.

           “They miss you, too, doll. You always had a way of bringing everyone together, even when we were all tired and cranky and ready to throttle each other.”

           His words left a tightness in my chest, and I frowned. We were encroaching on a dangerous topic, and if I didn’t steer the conversation elsewhere, we’d be opening a can of worms I wasn’t prepared to deal with. I forced a smile onto my face, and pointed to a group of Christmas carollers down the street.

           “Look, how wonderful!” I exclaimed, and before Bucky could say anything, I was already halfway down the street.

           It was easier than I thought to keep conversation light. We talked about our plans for Christmas, my family, the difference in weather between New York and London, and other things that two friends catching up would talk about. I had forgotten how easily conversation flowed between Bucky and I, and it wasn’t long before the tension had melted from my body and I was enjoying his company without feeling anxious.

           “You’re cold,” Bucky pointed out as I shoved my hands into the pockets of my wool peacoat.

           “Maybe a little,” I admitted, and with a frown Bucky took a gentle hold of my arm and pulled me into the nearest building.

           We were immediately met with warmth, and I shivered in relief. He had pulled us into a cozy little pub, Christmas lights lining the windows and the bar, and Frank Sinatra crooning White Christmas drifted through the air and mingled with the chatter of the bar patrons. The air smelled of beer, whiskey, and hickory smoke, and I couldn’t help but think it reminded me of the pubs back home in England.

           “How about I buy you a drink?” Bucky suggested. I pursed my lips, hesitant.

           “I really shouldn’t; it’s getting late and I have a flight to catch early tomorrow morning…” I started, but Bucky shook his head.

           “It’s just one drink, (Y/N),” he insisted. “What’s the harm? It’s still early in the night, you’ll have plenty of time to prepare for your flight tomorrow.” He paused, giving me his best wide-eyed puppy dog look – the one I had always been powerless against. I glared half-heartedly at him with a shake of my head.

           “Don’t give me that look!” I cried. “You know I’ve never been able to resist it.”

           “Exactly,” he replied with a smirk. “So, one drink?”

           “One drink,” I ceded, and Bucky grinned triumphantly as he dragged me to the bar. He ordered two Greyhounds and we settled on a couple of the barstools. “You remembered,” I murmured, taking a sip of the grapefruit and gin cocktail. Bucky grinned.

           “Does that surprise you?”

           I shook my head. “No, considering enhanced memory is one of the side effects of the supersoldier serum.”

           Bucky shrugged. “Or maybe I just paid attention.”

           Feeling my cheeks heating, I lifted the glass to my mouth and took a larger sip. The alcohol was smooth as it warmed my throat. I set the glass back down on the bar, fingertips tracing the rim as I spoke.

           “I’m going to miss New York,” I admitted, my gaze focused over Bucky’s shoulder at the window overlooking the street. “I was ecstatic when they told me my next assignment was here.”

           “So stay a little longer,” Bucky replied. “Tell them you need more time –”

           “It doesn’t work like that,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m on a tight schedule. Plus, if I didn’t come home for Christmas, I’m positive my parents would kill me.”

           Bucky grinned. “I always was a little afraid of your father,” he admitted, and I snorted.

           “And it always amused me that the Winter Soldier was afraid of a university professor that wears tweed jackets.”

           “An Oxford University professor,” Bucky defended. “He’s so intelligent and so proper, it was intimidating. He always had a way of making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you.”

           I frowned. “You know that’s not true,” I said quietly, and Bucky’s smile was sad.

           “Even so, we didn’t work out for a reason, huh?”

           As he looked at me, blue eyes piercing and lips quirked up the tiniest bit at one corner, I had a hard time remembering what that reason was. He was so handsome and charming, and we got on so easily, it made it difficult to remember all the sleepless nights and fights that ended in tears or one of us storming out. Or maybe I just didn’t want to remember how poorly we handled our disagreements.

           Shaking my head, I downed the rest of my drink, and I didn’t even notice when the bartender switched my empty glass for a full one. I took another long gulp and then cocked my head to the side. Bucky was regarding me with an unreadable expression.

           “What?” I asked.

           “Nothing. You.”

           I wrinkled my nose. “What is that supposed to mean?”

           “I’m proud of you,” he murmured, and my brow furrowed deeper as a blush crept up my neck. He continued, voice soft. “I know Fury wasn’t the easiest on you while you were with S.H.I.E.L.D., but you always held your own and proved yourself, and now…Well, you’re an SIS agent, and a damned good one at that.” He grinned at my confused expression. “Yes, we’ve heard of some of your accomplishments. Word gets around in the intelligence community.”

           I chose my words carefully. “Thank you,” I told him. “I know you didn’t always agree with me being out in the field, so it’s nice to hear you support me.”

           “I’ve always supported you, doll. I just hated the thought of anything happening to you while in the field.” Bucky’s lips twitched. “You’ve proved time and time again, though, that you can handle yourself. I’m glad you’re finally doing something that makes you happy, even if it means you’re halfway across the world.”

           I finished my second drink before speaking, letting the alcohol provide the confidence I surely wouldn’t possess otherwise. “You should have known if I could keep up with you in the bedroom, I could handle a few idiots with guns,” I said with a smirk, and to my satisfaction Bucky’s eyes widened before narrowing.

           “Careful, doll,” he said in a low voice, eyes sparkling. “You’re starting to fall back into old habits.”

           “And what would that be? Proving that it takes absolutely nothing to have you itching to tear my clothes off?”

           For a moment we were silent, the air between us thick and heavy, and then Bucky was laughing, a deep sound rumbling from his chest. “Ah, you have no idea how much I missed this,” he chuckled. “No one has ever been able to banter with me like you. You always did challenge me, (Y/N).”

           I grinned as I accepted a third drink from the bartender. “Someone’s got to keep you on your toes,” I teased, and Bucky grinned into his own drink.

           “You look amazing, by the way,” he murmured after a few moments. “I meant to say that earlier.”

           I blushed. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Sergeant,” I replied, lips quirked into a smile. “You cut your hair.”

           Bucky’s cheeks were dusted pink as he ducked his head, running his flesh hand over his short, dark locks. “Yeah, I figured it was time for a change. Mostly I was tired of Sam calling me Axl Rose.” He grinned ruefully. “I know you always liked it long, though…”

           I shook my head. “No, I kinda like it short,” I insisted, truthfully. “It looks good. Makes you look younger.”

           “As young as someone almost a hundred and four can look, you mean,” he chuckled, and I giggled.

           “Don’t sell yourself short, Barnes; you don’t look a day over ninety-five.”

           Bucky cocked a dark eyebrow. “Ouch. Your words cut deep, doll.”

           I giggled again. Somehow, our bodies had gravitated closer to each other until I could see the gray mixed in with the blue of his irises, illuminated by the Christmas lights. The soft buzz of alcohol flowed through my veins, leaving me feeling warm and giddy, and I lifted a hand to lightly touch the short strands of hair framing Bucky’s face.

           “Y’know, I always liked your long hair because I could run my fingers through it,” I murmured, “but I guess it’d be just as easy to do it now.” I carded my fingertips through his short locks, and Bucky’s eyes drifted shut.

           “Feels nice,” he mumbled, and I grinned as my fingers curled in his hair and tugged with just the slightest bit of force. Bucky’s eyes snapped open, the blue-gray swallowed almost entirely whole by black. I felt my heart leap to my throat as a slow smirk curved my lips upward.

           “Good to know I can still do that, too,” I murmured, and a low growl rumbled deep in Bucky’s chest.

           “Don’t go startin’ somethin’ you aren’t prepared to finish, doll,” he warned, and I hesitated. This is exactly what I hadn’t wanted to happen – But the way he was looking at me right now reminded me so much of the way he used to look at me that it simultaneously had my stomach fluttering with butterflies and my core flooding with heat.

           “Fuck it,” I muttered, and then I downed the rest of drink number three before standing. “How close is your place from here?”

           Two blocks. Not far at all, but as Bucky led me down the street, flesh hand tight around mine, my heart hammered against my ribcage and my entire body ached in anticipation. He tugged me up three flights of stairs in a prewar apartment building, stopping outside a large wooden door and pulling a set of keys from his pocket. He was quick to unlock the door, and once we were inside, he wasted no time in kicking the door closed and pulling me into his arms.

           Bucky’s lips searched out mine like magnets, and the second they connected I melted into his embrace. It felt like a homecoming, like I was returning to my place of comfort after being away for so long. His kiss was soft and sensual, his lips warm and plush against mine, but I craved more and my teeth dragged teasingly over his bottom lip. Bucky growled, and then his tongue slipped into my mouth until we were sharing breaths. He had backed me into the wall and his hands were unbuttoning my coat as my fingers hooked into the beltloops of his jeans to hold him tight to me. He peeled off my coat and shrugged out of his leather jacket before sliding his arms under my thighs and lifting me so my legs wrapped around his torso.

           He carried me through the apartment to his bedroom, lips attacking mine, and when I was back on my feet, he was quick to rid me of my sweater. His eyes landed on the red lacy bra I wore and he licked his lips, gaze predatory.

           “Just as perfect as I remembered,” he murmured, and then his hands cradled my face as his lips crashed back to mine. My hands slipped under his t-shirt, and I revelled in the way his muscles tightened and contracted under my fingertips. My legs hit the edge of the bed and then I was on my back on the mattress, and Bucky was pulling off my boots before his fingers hooked into the waistband of my leggings. He tugged them and my underwear off my hips in one swift motion, leaving my dripping heat on full display.

           “Christ, doll, look at you,” he breathed in awe, and I wiggled my hips impatiently.

           “Touch me,” I demanded breathlessly. I expected him to torment me; Bucky Barnes had never been one to take orders in the bedroom. But he only growled as his hands spread my thighs further apart.

           “This what you need, baby girl?” he rasped, and then his tongue delved into my folds and licked up from my entrance to my clit at an agonizing pace. I gasped, back arching off the mattress as my eyes scrunched shut.

           “Fuck, I missed your mouth,” I whined. “You’re so fucking good with it.”

           I could feel Bucky grin into my heat as he devoured me, and in no time at all I was a keening, writhing mess under his ministrations. As his tongue swirled around my clit, he dipped two thick fingers into my heat, pumping them in and out slowly. The sensations were overwhelming – Neither myself nor the handful of men I’d been with since the breakup had managed to make me feel half as good as he was right now, with just his mouth and his hands. I whimpered, feeling myself teetering on the edge of release.

           “Come for me, baby girl,” Bucky murmured into my core, fingertips searching out my most sensitive part inside me. My hips bucked and my hands fisted in the bedsheets as I moaned shamelessly. “That’s it, let go. Wanna taste how sweet you are when you come on my tongue.”

           His words pushed me over the edge, and my orgasm exploded white-hot as I cried out his name, fingers tangling in his hair. Bucky growled into my core, fingers slowing as his tongue lapped hungrily at my release. Once he was satisfied he had sufficiently cleaned me up, he crawled up my body and kissed me languorously, making sure I tasted myself on his tongue.

           “Sweet as honey,” he murmured against my throat as he pulled away. “Still my favourite taste.”

           My legs were still shaky post-orgasm, but I was able to hook them around Bucky’s and flip us over so he was on his back and I was straddling him. His eyes rounded as my fingers deftly unbuckled his belt and popped the button of his jeans, tugging at the waistband. He lifted his hips and I yanked them down his legs, revealing the prominent bulge in the front of his black boxer briefs.

           “Mmm, is that for me, Sergeant?” I murmured, palming him through the thin fabric of his underwear, and Bucky’s head fell back on the mattress as a hiss passed through his clenched teeth.

           “’Course it is,” he managed to rasp. “Always been yours, baby girl, you know that.”

           My hand stilled, and I met his eyes. He was wrecked, but his eyes were lucid and boring into mine with a burning intensity as well as a vulnerable honesty that he rarely displayed. Stop, the rational part of my brain was screaming, before you get too far into this and can’t get out. But something deeper and more instinctual nudged me on, insisting that the look Bucky was giving me now was everything I had been missing in my life for the past year. He was mine. He was always meant to be mine. And I was going to remind him of that.

           I peeled off his boxer briefs, and his cock sprang free, hot and hard and leaking precum. I wrapped my hand around his length, swiping my thumb over the tip, and Bucky grunted as his hips rutted up into my touch. I couldn’t help the grin that spread my lips. It was satisfying to know I still held this power over him.

           I leaned in to swipe my tongue along the underside of his shaft before my lips enveloped his tip, tongue swirling around, and he groaned, flesh hand coming up to gather my hair away from my face.

           “Just like that, doll, fuck,” he panted, until I’d taken nearly all of him in my mouth – Which was a feat, considering his more-than-above-average size. I could feel tears sting my eyes as he hit the back of my throat, and I eased off a bit and hollowed out my cheeks as I bobbed my head along his length. His entire body was taut, like a live wire, but before I could get him to snap, his hands were gently pulling my face away from him. I looked up at him with confusion furrowing my brow.

           “Why…” I started, but he grinned and pulled me up to kiss me thoroughly.

           “As much as I love your mouth, doll, I wanna be inside you when I come,” he murmured, and my walls clenched in anticipation. Bucky’s hands deftly removed my bra and he yanked his t-shirt over his head, leaving us completely bare as our hands explored each other’s bodies, recommitting every curve and plane to memory.

           Rolling us over, Bucky hovered above me as he kissed me dizzy. Lining himself up with my entrance, he paused, searching my eyes with his.

           “Tell me to stop,” he breathed. I shook my head, rolling my hips up until he slipped into me.

           Bucky groaned, and I let out a high-pitched whine as my hands clutched at his waist desperately. It had always amazed me how well he filled me, his thickness stretching my walls until the line between pain and pleasure was blurred, the tip of his cock pressed snugly against my cervix when he was fully sheathed inside me. As if we were made for each other. And in this moment, fire burning through my veins and my breath catching in my throat as he shifted just the tiniest bit, I wasn’t convinced we weren’t made for each other.

           We exploded like fire and gasoline, falling quickly into a rhythm like no time had passed since the last time we’d gotten lost in each other. Bucky’s hips rutted into me hard and deliberate as his mouth claimed mine in a devastatingly fierce kiss, and it was all I could do not to entirely lose myself in the sensation of being completely consumed by him, nails raking down the heated skin of his back as my hips eagerly rolled up to meet his every thrust.

           Bucky’s grip on my hips was bruising, but I would gladly carry his marks with me for days to come, as a reminder of how foolish we had ever been to think we could live without each other.

           “(Y/N)…” he rasped, breath hot on my face, and I opened my eyes to find his face just millimetres from mine. Though his lust-blown pupils had nearly swallowed whole his irises, they still managed to burn as he held my gaze, and I could feel my heart in my throat under his heat. I tilted my head to catch his lips, and he kissed me like he was speaking to me without words.

           The coil in my belly tightened, and I could tell Bucky was close, too, by the way his thrusts had gotten sloppier. His flesh hand had slipped into mine, fingers interlacing above our heads as my free hand carded through the hair at the nape of his neck. I held his face to mine, short breaths escaping our lips and mingling in the short distance between us. Bucky’s hips stuttered, and I clenched around him, causing him to twitch inside me as he let out a guttural groan. I whimpered, my own release crashing over me as I felt him paint my insides with his seed.

           Neither of us moved for a moment, trying to catch our breaths, and then Bucky nudged my nose with his affectionately and I titled my head up to press my lips to his. He kissed me, tender and sweet, and when he cradled me to him and rolled us over into the pillows, I didn’t put up a fight, letting my post-orgasm haze drift over me as I started to doze off with my head pillowed on Bucky’s chest and his arms secured tight around me.

           By the time I woke up, the sun had just started to peek over the horizon. I was still curled against Bucky’s side, his hand warm against my hip. The brevity of the situation hit me all at once, weighing heavy on my chest as a lump began to form in my throat. I’d just had sex. With my ex. In an apartment in New York City. All the progress I’d made moving past my feelings and getting over how broken-hearted the breakup had left me, shattered, in one moment of weakness. All my feelings for Bucky had rushed back to the surface, reminding me just how in love and obsessed we’d been with each other, and now all I could think of was how I was right back where I’d started, knowing I had to let him go, but working myself into a mess at the mere thought of it.

           Sensing I was awake, Bucky’s fingertips traced circles over my bare flesh, raising goosebumps as he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of my head. I knew I should get up; I had a flight to catch in a few hours. All I wanted, though, was to bury myself further in Bucky’s embrace – Just one more night with him, one more night pretending that falling back into bed with him wasn’t the worst thing I could have done.

           Biting back tears, I pulled myself away from Bucky, sitting up and holding the covers to my chest. His body followed mine, his lips brushing over my shoulder blade.

           “You’re not leaving so soon, are you?” he murmured. “We still have time…”

           I shook my head. “We can’t,” I said quietly.

           “Of course we can, doll. You have plenty of time to get to the airport.”

           “No.” I turned my head to look at him, ignoring the way my heart fluttered at how cute he looked all mussed-up and sleepy. “What are we doing, James?”

           This caught him off-guard; I rarely called him by his given name. “What do you mean?” he asked slowly.

           “What are we doing?” I repeated. “Why did you reach out to me?”

           Bucky’s brow furrowed. “Because I missed you. I wanted to see you, (Y/N) –”

           I cut him off. “That’s just it. I missed you too, but where does this get us? Like you said earlier, we didn’t work out for a reason. We can’t do this and expect to not end up in the mess we were before.” I shook my head, eyes glassy. “I was back in my feelings the moment I saw you, Bucky, and now…Now I’m losing my mind thinking of walking out that door, but we both know I have to.”

           I couldn’t meet his eyes; I knew the heartbroken expression that would be etched into his beautiful face, and I knew that one look and my resolve would crumble.

           “(Y/N)…” he whispered, but I could tell by the defeated tone in his voice he knew I was right.

           “If I stay any longer, I’ll feel like I’m losing you twice. I can’t put myself nor you through that again – It was hard enough the first time,” I said quietly as I slipped out of bed and started redressing. Bucky sat, silent and motionless, until I’d laced up my boots. He jumped out of bed, tugging on a pair of sweatpants and following me out to the front door. He bit his lip as I shrugged on my coat. His hands stilled mine as I went to button it up, and I looked up at him, heart hammering against my ribcage and knees weak.

           “I don’t ever want there to be hard feelings between us,” he murmured as he buttoned my coat for me, and I shook my head.

           “Me either.” My voice was small.

           “I love you, (Y/N). I always have, and I always will. But you’re right; we have to let each other go.”

           Blinking back tears, I pulled his face down to mine in a goodbye kiss. He held me tight to him, and when we pulled apart his eyes were as glassy as mine. I reached up to trace my fingertips lightly along his jaw.

           “Goodbye,” I whispered, and then I was out the door.

           Later, as I sat in my seat and the plane took off, I looked out the window with tears in my eyes, saying goodbye forever to that New York apartment where I’d left my heart. Goodbye forever, until next time. Because I knew every time Bucky called me, I’d pick up and fall right back into my feelings for him, consequences be damned.

[sleepypanda27]

From Dusk Till Dawn

Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: After a night out with friends Bucky reveals his feelings towards you.

Warnings: Jealous Bucky, some angst, fluff

Words: 3,095

“Hey Y/n! We’re going out tonight, wanna come with us?” Steve asked from the other end of the line.

“Yeah, sure.” You agreed to go, it was a Friday night, and you didn’t have anything better to do anyway.

“Awesome, come down, we're waiting.” You could tell Steve was smiling on the other end of the phone.

“You’re already here?”

“Yes, so bring down your ass before we get a ticket.”

Somewhere in the background, you could hear Sam yelling. “Hurry up Y/n, Barnes can’t wait to see you!”

“Dammit, Wilson. Shut up!” Bucky cursed at his friend. It sounded like Sam was saying something more, but you couldn’t understand what because his voice was muffled. “Did you just licked my hand?” Bucky sounded surprised and disgusted at the same time.

“Give me five.” You chuckled ending the call, not waiting for a response and quickly changed. Running a hand through your hair, you glanced in the mirror. “That will do.” You grabbed your bag and run outside.

Steve was already there, as he told you before with a rolled-down window waiting for you. “Backseat,” He pointed at the back of the car with his thumb. “Y’all have to squeeze there.”

You stopped in your tracks. “Wait, how many are you there?” You couldn’t see inside due to the darkly tinted windows of the car.

“Hey Y/n!” Clint called from the front seat. “Are you ready to get drunk?”

“Hey, that was my line!” Sam protested, poking his head between the front seats from the backseat.

Bucky opened the door, revealing already full salon. Bucky, Sam, and Natasha sitting in the backseat. “Where am I supposed to sit?”

“You can sit on my lap.” Bucky offered with a smug smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“His lap or the trunk are the only two options.” Nat chuckled.

You shrugged your shoulders and got in, trying to get comfortable in Bucky's lap and not to hit your head against the roof. “Buck, you're so big.”

“Whoa, get a room you two.” Sam called out.

“Slow down back there, the night has only begun.” Clint laughed from the front seat along with others.

“Take your heads out of the gutter, I meant he takes up a lot of space. You all know what I meant.” You felt your cheeks flood with warmth.

Bucky only laughed draping his hand securely over your lap as you finally settled down. Not knowing where to put your arms, you placed one on the seat behind Bucky for balance and other in your lap.

“This is illegal.” You pointed out.

“Are you a cop?” Clint asked, glancing back at you.

“No.”

“Then stop acting like one.” He smiled, turning back and started playing with the radio.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to the road in case there would be a rough stop or something like that. Not that you could see much from the place and position you were in. The last thing you wanted was to make a fool of yourself in front of a man you had a crush on, by bumping into him or the chair in front of you or the window behind you or falling onto Sam.

There was a hard turn when Steve almost missed a turn. You almost fell on Sam, but Bucky caught you, leaving his hand low on your hips for the rest of the road.

“Steve you maniac, slow down!” Nat exclaimed as her phone fell out of her hands.

“Sorry.” He shrugged wincing. “My bad.”

“Hi.” You smiled at Bucky. He was so close, even in the dim light of the interior of the car you could see freckles on his face you hadn’t noticed before. And his eyes, gosh you could drown in them.

“Hi there.” He smiled.

“You have beautiful eyes.” You said, surprising yourself by saying that.

“Thank you, Y/n. You too have beautiful eyes.” He blushed and so did you.

Sam saw and heard all the dialogue and shook his head. “This is super awkward.” He tried to look away. “Make out already and save us all from whatever is going on right now.”

Bucky looked at him with a ‘dude what the hell? Shut up.’ kinda face expression. Sam held up his hands in surrender and turned away, changing the subject. “Are we there yet?”

“Almost.” Steve said, looking at the backseat in the rear view mirror. “Everything alright back there?” He asked, locking eyes with Bucky, who looked a little flushed.

“It’s a whole party back here, but I’m the only one who’s partying,” Sam complained. “Y'all boring.” He turned to Natasha. “What about you? Who are you texting all the time?”

“Not your business.” She retorted, not even looking up from the screen.

“Will someone please have at least some fun tonight?” Sam slumped back into the seat.

“I will.”

“Y/n, yes! At least someone here understands me.” He beamed.

At the arrival, it turned out to be a rooftop party. You didn’t know who’s party it was or what the occasion was. All you knew it looked fun. Nat and Clint disappeared somewhere together almost immediately. Sam pulled you to the dance floor. On the way there, he wrapped his arms around you lifting you up for a brief second, making you giggle.

“Dude,” Steve gave a bottle of beer to Bucky, while they stayed close to the bar. “If looks could kill, Sam would be dead.” He said as Bucky didn’t take off his eyes from you and Sam. The way you two were dancing and how he was so close, touching you. He didn’t like it. In fact, he hated it.

“Why don't you just say her how you feel about her?” Steve took a swig of his beer.

“I'm scared, what if she doesn't feel the same way about me.” Bucky peeled off a small corner of the label from the bottle, tearing it into tiny pieces.

“I'm pretty sure, she feels the same way about you,” Steve assured gaining Bucky's attention. “I've noticed how she looks at you.” They both looked your way.

Dancing with Sam, you felt like someone was watching you. Turning around and pressing your back to Sam’s front, you saw Bucky staring at you. He and Steve were sitting at the table near the bar. Steve was saying something, but it seemed like Bucky didn’t hear any of it, letting it fly past his ears. You smiled and he smiled back. Sam winded his hands around your waist. His smile disappeared now he was shooting daggers with his eyes at Sam. Was he jealous? Leaning your head back on Sam’s shoulder while still moving in the beat of the music, you whispered something in his ear.

He looked up and saw Bucky then whispered something in your, ear and you started laughing. You said something more, and Sam nodded vigorously, making Bucky wonder what you two were talking about. Sam pecked your cheek and left somewhere.

Bucky was still looking at you, unable to look away from your captivating gaze as you moved through the people, closer to him. “Come dance with me.” You said, taking his hand.

“I can’t dance.” He shook his head, but he didn't pull away from you.

“Please, for me, just one song. I can’t dance either we’ll just have fun.” You pouted, gently tugging his hand for him to stand up. “Are you going to make me beg?”

“Go, dance!” Steve urged him, kicking his leg under the table. “I promise I won’t make fun of you.”

“Alright, but don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.” He chuckled, standing up and let you lead him to the dance floor.

At first, it felt a little awkward, but then he got into it making all kinds of silly dance moves. You couldn't remember the last time you laughed more than tonight.

“And you said you can’t dance.” You laughed, your cheeks hurting from smiling.

As the song ended, you were ready to go, but Bucky stopped you, tugging you back to him. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“I promised I would let you go after one song.”

“Oh no, you already pulled me on to the dance floor, you’re not getting away this easily.”

The next song was a slower one, completely different from the ones that played before. Bucky looked at the place where the DJ was and saw Steve standing there, already looking at the two of you winking his way.

“That punk.” He murmured under his breath with a smile on his lips.

“What did you say?” You asked.

“Uhh…it’s just a weird change of music.” He pulled you closer, placing his hands on the small of your back.

“Yeah,” You agreed, winding your hands around his neck. “as if someone paid the DJ to put it on.”

“As if.” Bucky laughed, knowing that Steve did exactly that. This way you were much closer to him, and the whole atmosphere changed. He made a mental note to thank Steve later.

The music, the atmosphere and that look in Bucky’s eyes combined with the smile on his lips and the way he was holding you, you were completely lost in the moment. As if an invisible force tugged your hand, you gently traced his jaw, bringing him closer, his stubble scratched your palm. Lost in each other's eyes, you entirely stopped moving. His eyes fell to your lips, focusing on them. Slowly he leaned in, giving you plenty of time to move away.

Someone bumped into you.

“Sorry.” Some drunk couple apologized, and giggling stumbled away.

“I think I need some fresh air.” You felt a little awkward like snapped out of a daze.

Some time later, Bucky found you walking behind you, draping his jacket over your shoulders.

“Thanks.” You pulled it tighter around you, breathing in his musky cologne as it engulfed you.

“What are you doing here all alone the party is back there.” He smiled, nodding behind you at all the people.

“Watching stars.” You said, looking up in the sky. “They’re so beautiful. We don’t stop enough on a daily basis to look at them.” You placed your head on his shoulder and he wrapped his hand around you looking up himself. The dark sky was clear with no clouds at all, letting the stars shine brightly.

“They really are.” He looked back at you as you were still looking up. You felt his eyes on you and slowly turned your head his way. “What? Is there something on my face?” You smiled.

“No, I’m just happy you’re here.”

“Thanks for inviting me.”

“Time to go home,” Steve announced when you returned back to everyone. Sam barely holding up to him. “Falcon is down. I repeat. Falcon. Is down. We need to get him home.”

“Falcon wants to paartyyyy!” Sam shouted with an almost empty bottle in his hand.

“You know I’m not that far from home, so I think I’m gonna walk.” You really didn’t want to ride in the backseat of the car with wasted Sam next to you.

“I’ll go with you. If you’re alright with that.” Bucky said.

“You want to walk with me?”

“If you don’t mind, I would like to get you home safe. It’s the middle of the night you don’t know what kind of maniacs walk around the city at this time of the night.”

“That would be nice.”

Bucky let Steve know that you both would walk. “Can you take care of him?” He pointed at Sam.

“Of course, go have fun, the night is still young.”

You had goodbyes with Sam and Steve, you had no idea where Natasha and Clint went. They still hadn’t shown up.

“You go Bernes, get some.” As you turned to walk away, Sam shouted again, making Steve hiss at him.

“What? What? Stop shushing me, I’m whispering.” He spoke loudly, lifting up his index finger. “I know my rights mr. America.”

“What did he meant by that?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder at the scene that was going on back there.

“Ignore him, he’s drunk and doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He said, ushering you to walk faster before Sam could have a chance to say something more.

The fresh air of the night was exactly what you needed. You walked through the city. The streets looked almost deserted, so calm and quiet. Walking close to Bucky, there were only the two of you walking side by side, it almost felt romantic.

From the corner of your eye, you saw something dark fast approaching you. Getting scared, you jumped, turning to Bucky bumping into him.

“Whoa, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Bucky held you by your shoulders, examining your startled face.

“I-I thought I saw something.” You blurted out, looking around, but you didn’t see anything.

“You mean that cat?” He pointed at a cat behind you that run around the corner of a building as you turned around, only seeing his dark tail.

“A cat?”

“Yeah, It’s gone now.”

“Oh my god.” Your head fell on his shoulder. “I got scared of a cat’s shadow.”

“Happens to the best of us.” He chuckled, bringing you closer to his chest for a comforting hug.

“Buck, please, Don’t tell anyone this happened.” You looked up at him with pleading eyes and a small smile on your lips.

“Hmm, what will I get for it?” He asked, a small smirk playing on his lips.

“Well, what do you want?”

“Anything I want?”

“Reasonable things, I’m not a genie.”

“I have to think about it. All the possibilities…” He trailed off thinking about it. He knew exactly what he wanted, but he didn’t know how to say it better.

“Don’t think too long.” You started walking again. After ten minutes, you were already standing in front of your apartment building.

“Looks like this is you.”

“Thanks for walking with me.” You thanked giving back his jacket.

“Good thing I was there when that cat run by. Lord knows what could’ve happened with you if I weren’t there.” Bucky teased.

“Oh, shut up.” You playfully shoved his shoulder. “Do you want to come inside?” You asked, not wanting to part with him just yet.

“Are you sure? It’s pretty late.”

“I’m not tired. Could use a little company.”

“Alright.”

You made coffee for both of you and sat across from each other on the couch. You didn’t notice how time flew by talking about everything that came in mind.

“Bucky, can I ask you something?” You crossed your legs underneath you, fully turning to him.

“Uh-oh, it’s getting serious in here.” He turned to you, placing his hand on the back of the couch. “Shoot.”

“Why are you single? I’ve seen you flirt with women, but you never take it any further.”

“That’s because none of them are you.” He simply said.

“Me?” Your mouth fell open from his straightforwardness.

“I thought it was obvious.” He smiled at your reaction. “You stole my heart the day we first met, and you won’t give it back.” He wrinkled his nose. “It sounded so cheesy.”

“Just a little.” You chuckled. “Why didn’t you tell me this earlier?”

“I was afraid. It’s never easy to say someone how you feel about them. I think I know what I want.” He stroked his stubble covered chin, considering if he should say it or not.

“What?”

“For you to go out with me like a date, a real date. Or is it too much to ask?”

“I thought you would never ask.” You smiled. “I would love that.” Bucky’s heart leaped in his chest.

“Hey look, It’s sunrise.” He glanced out the window as the small strip of light raised from the horizon. You looked outside and moved closer to Bucky. Getting cozy by his side with his arm around your shoulders, you watched as the sun rose from behind the silhouette of the buildings filling the sky with light and rosy tones. You placed your head on Bucky’s shoulder and your arm over his waist. He pressed a kiss to your hair, It all felt almost like a dream. Maybe you got wasted with Sam, and you’re only imagining this in your alcohol indulged dream.

“Are you hungry, Doll? We could get some breakfast.” Bucky asked, playing with your hair.

After finding a place that was open at this early morning hour and getting pastries and another coffee, you both took a walk in the park. It was still early, the city was only starting to wake up. You stopped on top of the bridge, watching the water flow underneath the bridge. The morning sun reflected the light in the water, making it shimmer. The sound of the water and birds cheerfully chirping in the trees was relaxing. 

“So, how did you liked our first date?” Bucky asked, looking at you with a warm smile.

“What? That wasn’t a date.” You frowned, chuckling.

“It was.”

“No, it wasn’t. I didn’t know it was.”

“Did you had a good time?”

“Yeah.”

“Then that’s all that matters.” He looked somewhere in the distance.

“If that was a date then where is the kiss?”

The corners of his mouth tugged upwards hearing your question. He turned to you.

“It’s right here.” He held the back of your neck inching closer. When your lips met the time stopped around you. It was only you and him at this moment. His lips were softer than you ever imagined. With his free hand, he pulled you even closer. As the kiss went on, you melted into him, your hands wrapping around his neck. When the need for air became too much, you pulled away, resting your forehead against his.

This was definitely not a dream.

You yawned.

“Was our first kiss so bad?” He smiled, tracing your bottom lip with his thumb .

“It was amazing, I’m just sleepy.” You nuzzled your face in the crook of his neck, yawning again. The scent of his faded cologne lingered on his skin. “We haven’t slept all night.”

“Well then, how does a nap sound?”

“Sounds like a plan.” You stood straight again.

Bucky wrapped his arm around your shoulders, pulling you to his side. “My place or your place?”

“Oh, you want to take a nap together?” You winded your arm around his waist.

“I was hoping so.” He chuckled.

“My place is closer.” You smiled, placing your head on his shoulder.

[charmed-asylum]

👨‍🍳# FOODIE👨‍🍳

#Foodie, Part 1 

Summary: Something happening in Easter Hills. Something that effecting everyone under the surface. Could this just be a phase a trick that no one can shack off? Is this something that will pass with another or can we all be heading for destruction

Declaimer: #Foodie has some curse words, use and mention of drugs, and roadkill. Also, I do have dyslexia so be easy with me!!! 

A/N:So who would think after doing a love story I go be switching it up to some sci-fi. Let me know what you think or want to be added to the taglist. Or simple to sit my butt down and stop with the dramatics xoxo Tia

Word Count: 6,336

MASTER LIST 

Tagged: @linkispink1995​ @weapinggwillowss​ @strangerfictions​

I wish I could remember what it was. Could it be the color of the sky, how tall the grass starts to grow in Mr. Jackson ranch-style house across the street, or maybe it was the air? The way the breeze would flow dance across the sky. I wish I can tell you. Even now even after so many months that have passed, I don't remember. One thing I do know is it started Columbus Day weekend. It was it at once and maybe that why no one realizes it till it was too late. I wish I was stronger maybe I could have done something. Then again who am I kidding?

The seasons have changed but I could still remember the rush I felt when I pelted my way down my street cracked concerted road. I did not have much control in my life but bike rides were all mine. Tomorrow was finally gonna be the day I been waiting for months for. He was finally coming back to me. As I turn into the parking lot of Easter Hills High it was already a full parking lot. The next song started to play when I saw a familiar face across the parking lot surrounded by a group of posters and zombies. Have you ever thought about your soul - can it be saved? 

Or perhaps you think that when you're dead you just stay in your grave. I was still playing when tossing over my beat-up backpack over a shoulder.

" What you barbie slut" voice that belongs to the center of the crowd's attention.

Janet was a type of girl that was born pretty and perfect. I always wonder how we became friends. She tells me it is because the sun always needs the moon and stars. I tell her I am nothing but a black hole. There was a time was little I thought maybe there was more to that but after a kiss under the stars, I was lost with the dyer fear of losing her. So we just became what we are now the infinite duo. Her red ginger hair dance with the cool Midwestern breeze as her Mona Lisa's lips playfully move with each word drew more and more people closer and closer. 

" Space cadet stuck in orbit again huh" Janet said with her hand on her hip. I smiled with crimson color coming across my cheeks as I close the gap between us too. 

"Sorry. Just nerves. Can we talk before homeroom J" I asked not paying anyone around us any attention. I already knew what the whispers were about the same thing it always is why. She crocks her pear shape face to the side and her hazel eyes stare into my brown ones. That was another thing we just got each other. She was the fun bi sexual goddesses I was just me the girl who happens to have gotten lucky. 

Without a word, she licks her lips then places two fingers in her mouth to make a V and whistle for her things which a freshman was holding her. After a simple wink and kiss on the cheek to that freshman, she walks off with us being hand and hand to our spot. 

I look around before sitting on the swing and watch as she pops a few of her mom Dextromethorphan like it was a mint. With a big smile, she jumps onto the swing and kick back her feet and smiled. I wish I was like her ability to be free able to kick back and not care but I never was given that ability given that chance. Her long hair moves with her back and forth as she sings Katy Perry off-key. 

" Thank I, huh I been thinking. I think I'm ready to you know with KP" I blur out with my hands cling to the chains for my life. My eyes close shut till I was seeing rainbow loading wheels across my eyes sight. SLAP " What the hill billy hell. That hurt" I said opening my eyes wide and rub my thigh. Janet shook her head and look like me I had 101 heads attach to my head.

" Issac. Are you shitting me right now" Janet said now standing in front of me. Her hazel eyes twinkle with the sun. 

I slowly roll my bottom lip thought my teeth a few times before I look up at her like a kid who had her hand in the cookie jar with chocolate all over my face. She got closer and stop me so I have to look at her. I hated how she gets me to talk when I was not ready to. I dazed out to pass her to the tall grass that sways with the wind. Right before that was a raccoon who has been a sacrifice to the roadkill gods. 

" Yes. We have been together for three half years and I'm gonna be 18 in a few months. I don't want to lose him. I mean he already talks about marriage and stuff. How we are meant to be with one another. Him in the war what if he does not make it. Next time. I am just thinking about it. I never do anything. Janet Florence Bates. Either I am too chicken scraps about it or I can die. I am so sick of living out in this world in a bubble" I said finally looking to those Friday afternoon hazel eyes.

She nods and took my hands. Rubbing her white french tip thumb against my skin she brought it up to her heart. " One thing I wish I did was to wait. Remember when we were in seventh grade and I dared to do seven minutes in heaven with Derek Miller. You told me that I was still worth the universe no matter what. Do-" She was cut off with the sound of the second bell. " Shit I need to see Popi before class. Tell them I am using the bathroom and oh it that time of the month" Janet said over her shoulder as she ran over to find her girlfriend. 

" I said that last week J" I shout out.

Walking backward Janet thought about it, " He doesn't know how a woman body works". I laugh as I made my way down the busy streets also know as the hallways.

I just made it with a second to spare. Taking a deep breath in I nod to the teacher went to my seat. Putting my backpack on the desk to make a pillow I lean my head on it and look out the window. The once busy parking lot was empty with no one. Corner of my eyes I saw some movement. For a second look like I saw a squirrel eating the dead raccoon. Its fur was cover in a bit blood on its paws and tail. Getting up from I walk over to the window. Still watching the squirrel. 

" MISS. SMITH. SIT DOWN FOR ANNOUNCEMENTS" the teacher said taking her out her trance. Giggles and fingers were pointing as I look around. mouth sorry and ease back into my seat look down at my hands. Moments later Janet rush in with a huge smile on her face, She stays upfront to flirt with the teacher taking his glasses and rolling it in her mouth as she explains the female privates. Buzz Buzz.

Mi Amor: Hav fun in school. I see you tomorrow bae. IYL

 I look up and suppressed a greedy smile.

 Me: Can not wait. xxx.

I smiled and glance outside. The squirrel was gone but so was most of the raccoon. My curl drop in front of my face. My eyes wide as I look around it was not even ten minutes how did that happen. It is only your mind. After trying to calm my nerves I settle and got ready for the day. The thing about going to school in a dead zone is not much happening each day is the same. The coolest thing we had to happen was when Sally Maxfield got fifth place in the nearby town beauty competition. We were the one place the devil probably send folks as a line of torture. Everyone knew each other and marries one another. Grow old have kids work the same jobs your parents or neighbor had. Just so happen my parents two of the coolest jobs. Mother was assistant to the mayor and my dad work as a scientist that was a station out here. They move here when they got married I still do not get that. Nose deep in my latest novel off my four pages list. I felt a few pokes on my back. 

" Guess what I heard from Paul in six periods of American History. Looks like the old hag bit the dusk and they just found her body this morning. Guess what with just her body and her 20 cats. God Issac if I end up anywhere close to that kill me" Janet said pulling out her lunch, sushi, and flavor water.

" Lunch looks smaller than last week. Another diet J. I do not know why you do that your perfect" I said pulling out my lunch with a sigh. Janet peak over at me and my silver can lunch box cover in bumper stickers. Janet rolls her eyes and sips her cool water. I took out my lunch: a bottle of filter water, steal tight thing of organic crackers, dried up fruits, and a mystery meal ( as my mom called it). She stops mid-chew and looks at me with doubt and wonder. 

" What that" Janet said looking over my lunch. Apart from I wanted to chuckle each day the same thing. Sipping my water I turn to look at her. My legs shielding hers

"It is my lunch crackers fruit. Want some" I said holding out the mystery meal packet 

" Wait for a second that fruit. I do not get you. I come with my lunch and you have that. Still, you cover your eyes during the sex parts" Janet asked. My smile got bigger as I nod. Her face still in disbelief.

" Yes. Because I will like to live till my 18 birthday. J. Do not forget the ice cream birthday cake, spaghetti, banana nut bread, or many other times I chance it" I said turning back to the table Janet always got me to throw reasoning away.

" Just be careful that it looks like it will attack you alright. Space cadet" Janet said poking at my lunch to see if it moved. I wish to chance it was a luxury for me but never is, I will never be normal and for that, I am the envy of everyone. The problem goes down to the simple fact of an allergy I have a very rare very troublesome allergy, Eosinophilic Gastrointestinal Disorder. Long story short think of anything fun and add a 99% chance I can die of it. 

" God damn it. Did you hear me? The last two periods we going on some field trips to the Coast Forrest for science today" Janet said wiping her mouth. Nodding I look at my half-eaten lunch. "Popi gonna meet us there. She got these new drugs called Trippe that her hook up gave her. I talk her into allowing me to try it with her. Maybe get some others to buy some. It is organic you should try some" Janet said checking her makeup in her little compact mirror. I gentle took a deep breath out and move a few curls behind my ear as I tried to remind Janet again I can not do that. Then she must have seen my thoughts as she pointed to me with her lipstick and said, " It is organic. You eat all that weird shit. What to say that and Trippe are not made of the same shit" Janet said putting her stuff away.

I wanted to tell her no but instead, I said I think about it before she went off to get last night's homework from someone. I loved her with all my heart but sometimes she just did not get me. Crazy how you can love someone with all your heart. Not want anything from it just a simple notion that you will never be alone. Someone that will have your back and would never judge you. No one did but KP ever promises you that.

Mi Amor: I wish you are here. I feel so alone.

I waited a few more minutes for him to reply till I decide he probably was on the plane and could not reach me. Rubbing the back of my neck I close my eyes. God did I need sleep and a bubble bath. Noise rattle my nerves and the never-ending sound of people screaming made me flinched. Jumping up I look around before heading out to the bathroom to finish my lunch. Last year its been like this need want to escape want some time alone. Maybe its fact in a few months I will be graduating. I will be free to be me whatever that was. As my phone alarm ring, I slowly got up from my spot on the floor and got ready to head back before Janet realize I was gone. With my head hanging low I walk over to the sink to flush away any doubt of living any sadness I been feeling. water dripping from my face I look back at my reflection. Brown sugar eyes looking back with my hair full-blown curl thanks to the cold water. My button nose raw from the tears I just finished having. Taking another breath in I grab the end of my dress and rub my face.

The ride to Coast Forrest was roughly 15 minutes long. Janet was sitting next to Popi kissing like horny rabbits and I sat beside them by the window. Popi cool. She wears her hair short blonde with pink tips pixie cut with random drunken mistakes to remind her you only live once and a nose ring with a lip tattoo that said suck it. At first, she did like me worried I was trying to take Janet away till I reassure her what I and Janet have will always be a deep unbreakable friendship and I was happy with KP. Once I asked her if she can do a sharpie tattoo out of pure boredom she grew a flower crown on my wist. Which she now does every time she sees me. My arm the blanket canvas for her crazy thoughts. Colors change as I wave my hands up and down as if I was fish in the open water.

Coming out for air Janet smirk at me and whisper into Popi's ear. With a nod, Popi took out her bag and hand Janet something when no one but me was looking. 

" So I heard you might be adventuring out my young grasshopper. Finally going to get some action huh" Popi said sniffing her nose-wiping away the last bit of blow she did before getting on the bus. I peak over to Janet who just whistles and spoke to a random person behind us.

" Maybe. YOYO right" I said licking my bottom lip

" God Smith you something. So fucking cute. little puppet" Popi said pinching my arm. 

" Tell her about Trippe baby" Janet added.

" Thanks, angel. Huh, so what my guy told me this is some top-shelf shit. Like the best of the best only take. I am talking mob cartel you name it and its all made on some hippie compound. I am one of the first to have it" Popi pointed out proud of herself. She took one out and handed it to me.

" How do you take it. I never sniff anything before. Or put anything up my butt" I asked curiously.

Janet giggles at my response and hugs over to speak to me without anyone hearing us." From what Popi heard it pretty much either end type of drug but oral tends to work find. The away only thing we want poking you in the but is Kindred Phillip Richards thick long penis" Janet laugh.

It was small and look like something out a Candy land world. The packing was the neon pick with a smiley face with its tongue out and eyes cross out. As I play with it looking at it closer it had a strange symbol on it. Inside the little baggie was a pill shape drug with what looks to be a liquid power inside. While Popi was trying to talk a boy into a threesome with Janet and herself. I snatch a picture on my Polaroid camera and stuff it in my pocket. I look at it once more. It was inviting but apart of me was not sure. Kind of like it was a candy a treat. Last time I tried something Janet said it was alright. I end up in ICU for two months. Everything around her tone out as she kept playing with this drug in her hands. Very own mystery. What made this so special so welcoming. Bring it closer to my nose I let it linger see if I can figure what it was made off. I had a nose for such things. Lana Del Rey plays on my head as I play with it. It was organic maybe it was safe to do it. 

" We are here. I have to make a phone call. So just take a paper and start feeling it out" Mr. Lopez said. He was probably going to scream at his soon to be ex-wife who ran off with their younger babysitter last week.

Second, he left everything to reassure. Loud noises left and right. Booming. Popi look at me and took the drug out my hand and gave Janet the nod. Show Time. Janet gave both of use a wink before she swings herself up to stand on the seat Dead Poet Society style. Flipping her hair she screams HEY. Everyone's eyes shift to Janet quite waiting on her hand and foot. With a wolf grind, she grabs up the drug and tosses it up and down in the air.

" Alright shit brains and posers. I got here the upcoming stuff that every one that is hot now is doing. Actors athletes business people and even world leaders. This stuff here is told to make oxy look like a sugar-free candy. This stuff is fully organic and to give you a ride of your life. Once you have it once you never find anything to get you this fuck up ever again. Word around this Trippe would put you on a ride you will never forget So who wanna party" Janet said jumping down to the ground with her hands up above her head. I was the first to clap much sooner then I should of. Most look at me and I turn and look outside at Mr. Lopez on the verge of tears. Everyone was shouting not wanting to be left out wanting in on the mystery on the trend. As Popi passed it out Janet took the money stuffing it into her bra. Till everyone had one. All glee with excitement thrilled to do it.

" Hey, you ready" Janet asked. I look at her and went to grab some money taking out a twenty I slowly hand it to her. They all went to take it and as I am about to take it I stop and shoot up. My breathing got short and I clench to the seat trying to catch it. I felt tears as a minor panic attack was coming ahead. My sight got dizzy and I shock my head crying a silent cry. Janet stops before taking it and looks at me holding tight to my chest. 

" I can't I can not take it. I can not take the gamble. J I am so sorry. I wish I could" I said trying to stop the tears. People around me starting to go down on their trip. Some started to laugh like drunken hyenas, a few spaces out like a psychic patient drop on drugs, some were paranoid with a flinch and rest was a mixture of emotions. I slowly got my things together and try to head for the door. An arm stops me and pushes me back down.

" Where are you going. Come on. Amaryllis. It alright. Just do it" Janet said shoving it into my face. I shook my head no and push it away. I look around everything was spinning. 

" I can not do that. You know I can die Janet " I plead to her. She shook her head and rolled her eyes. Walking back to Popi she said something to her as I stood still rubbing my arm looking at the ground. 

"You are full of bullshit. Issac. Why is it one second your talking about fucking your boyfriend and next to your acting like a little kid? Is this thing you have any real or is it all fake just like you"Janet hissed. I knew she was already high from whatever she was doing but the words still hurt. It made everything hurt ten times more.

Without speaking I shook my head and left the bus. I had to get as far as I could before the tears came down. I tried KP once again but no answer. I don't know how far I was got before I finally stop. Green was cover everywhere like a sea of green. I slowly drop to my knees and allow my hands to become one with nature. I lean back and breathe. Rubbing my hands from the tip of my head across my neck down to my sides. My eyes fill with tears glitter flowing around. I calm myself with words of encouragement. I turn my head to see a few deer and bears running away passed me. Stopping I slowly got up to my feet and look around. I did not hear any birds no bugs. I stalked over where they were running from till I saw it. A dead deer laying in a bed of white flowers. That was not what scared me it was rabbits eating away the deer. It fills me with fear and dread. I slowly step back to I am far enough to run. I ran an ran till I hit a branch. As the visions slowly started to fade images of the dead animals came to mind on repeat.  I should have known that was only the beginning

Rain and the distant sounds of voices woke me up. The ground was wet and droplets kept falling into my face. Everything was fuzzy and for a second I forgot where and how I got where I am at. Taking a second in I slowly got to my feet thanks to a tree nearby. The voices got louder and I slow recognized it as Mr. Lopez. How long have I been out? 

Licking my lips I call out where I was. Till I saw a flashlight beaming into my face. Covering my eyes with my hand the footsteps grew closer and closer.

" God. Miss. Smith. Where have you been I been looking everywhere? For you. I am so sorry. I thought you were on the bus then when we got back I did not see you and your mom called the cops. We have been looking for you for a few hours" Mr. Lopez said smoothing the hair out my face. 

Holding onto him tight I cried into the crook of his neck not letting go of his green polo shirt that was too small and a bit skin would peak out. But I did not care I was scared. He slowly helps me stable myself and ushers me to the rest of them. There was a small crowd with flashlights. A woman with fair skin that complements her tall thin body with piercing blue eyes ran towards throw the crowd calling out my name with a man espresso skin and dark short black hair and fitted glasses.

" Amaryllis. My baby" Mom called out as the space between us got smaller. I left Mr. Lopez behind and ran into my mom's arms muffling my cries with her long black hair. I could hear her say thank you to Mr. Lopez but I did not move. I do not remember making it home.

I did not remember anything till I was laying in my twin size bed bundle under my warm blue glitter comforter in one of KP old football jersey. I did not hear from Janet and no one from the class was there looking. I would say I was hurt but the words she said still sting.

" Hey, Amaryllis. Its dad I am coming in" Dad said coming in.

I turn my head to see him walking in with an old antique tray with two small teacups. I slowly got up and look at him with a sad smile. Daddy always knew when it was tea time.

" Thanks, dad. Sorry for carrying you and mommy" I said bring my knees to my chest. He smiled and play with my hair in his hands.

" What happen kiddo. What made you run off like that " He asked. I wish I could tell the truth wish I can give him the full story. But to do that I will put more people in trouble and danger then I will want. So like every time before I lied. 

" The kids said something. I did not agree. I went off to take pictures when I trip and fell. I am so sorry" I said looking into the teacup.

" Promise you will never let anyone including Janet or Kindred to disrespect you. Make you feel little" Dad said drinking the tea. I nod and stay quiet as he started to talk about his newest discovery.

The next couple of days I stayed home after my blood work came back off from stress. I hide away from everyone only speaking to my mom, dad, and text and phone calls from KP. I planned not too obsessed but by day two of my week off, I look and look till my finger got numb of Janet and Popi social media. Folks in Easter Hills, New Mexico wasn’t smart. From what was a bus of 25/30 of my peers slowly becoming the whole school in a matter of days. Everyone praising about Trippe. If it was not about that stupid drug it was dead inside pictures of Janet smiling or as of Thursday at 4:36 pm food. I thought about speaking to her but each time by the second ring I hang up.

Mrs. Ethan was the town vet and all-around queen of gossip. We both have a love to talk about the endless amount of facts and news around the world. She had a job and a life I admire minus the gossip and heavy wine drinking. Today she was allowing me to take the lead of performing an emergency C section on a third-place local star Bichon Frise Mr.Fuzzy Bear.

“ Now Issac remembers gentle across right there till your right here” Mrs. Ethan said standing beside me as I slowly made the incision across the lower abdomen. After each step, I ask a few questions and checking everything I was doing was right. 

Inside Mr. Fuzzy Bear after the chew toy was this strange clear like glitter goo. I reach down and look at his pupils which were highly diluted for the meds with gave him to sleep. Mrs. Ethan was taking care of some paperwork in her office so I grab a few test tubes and draw a bit of blood. Nothing is more important than checking all your boxes. After I scoop out all the strange goo out of him I stitch him up and put him in a cage for later.

“ Yes thank you. Oh yes. I will be coming that way on the fifth of next month. Thank you let me know when you got the payment” Mrs. Ethan said. After the end of the call, she spins in her chair kicking and cheering out loud. 

“ Found some blurry treasure. Mrs. Ethan” I said leaning by the doorway with my legs cross one another.

“ Yes. A seller I know in New York came across a set of six large 1970s green glass Italian Chianti bottles. Only roughly 3,000. He gonna hold it for me for two weeks. Huh heaven, Issac heaven” She said full of glee.

“I thought you just like expensive wine ?” I asked. She once shows me her prize-winning collection of wine in her underground cellar with over 50,000 dollars worth. Even my parents were impressed which is a very hard thing to do.

 “ Yes. But honey a girl can never have too many toys and finer things in life. Like that boy toy of yours. Seeing him soon right” Mrs. Ethan said with a wink. Before I could tell her anything she ways already on the phone to give the good news to her husband. I would have told her after my dad ban any date night I have not seen KP yet well besides the two times he hike up the side of the house to my window to cuddle with me or how I cried into his arms one night about how rude Janet was to me. 

School felt different from the week I missed. Was it the scent in the air the vibe that was off. Something that did not fit right. Mr. Lopez was the 1st to check on me which I could not hear much of because people were talking about Trippe or what was for lunch. Even Mr. Lopez who acts like no one noticed had a neon pink little baggie poking out from his briefcase.

Me: Save me I feel I jump fell right into the Twilight Zone.

Mi Amor: Baby lmao. I am sure its nothing. 

Me: Ur right. Thnx xx I have lunch wish me good luck.

I pulled tight to my backpack and pull right through the double metal doors. I put a lot more effort today in what I look like out of my dresses and overalls with a pair of baby blue flared jeans with a thick black melt and a red long sleeve crop top that wasn’t one from it being two sizes too big. The lines on for food were three times longer than usual. And there wasn’t much talking like there usually is. I just did not feel like the Easter Hills High that I been going to for four years now. What made it more strange seeing Janet hunch over like she was a prisoner. Her hair wasn’t done like it usually is. Flat and lifeless and she has dark bags under her eyes. Worried was not the word for it. There wasn’t one.

  “Hey J. Long time no see huh pickle breathe” I said kicking a pretend rock with my black velvet Superga platform sneakers. Janet did recognize me at first no one did. So I got closer and poke her shoulder a few times. By the fifth poke she grips tight to finger so tight I was starting to feel some pain.

“ God Jesus saint Janet. Stop your hurting me” I shouted. Everyone stops and looks at us. She slowly let go of my finger when she saw the pain in my eyes. She grabs a bottle and ran out. I called and ran after her like the good little kitten I was.

“ JANET WAIT WAIT UP” I shouted running after her.

“ Sorry okay. I did not mean to hurt you. Issac” Janet said looking down at the ground. I shook my head and came up to her and lifted her chin up so she can look at me. At first look, her eyes look like how Mr. Fuzzy Bear’s eyes looked. Glazed over. 

“Hey no. I am worried about you. Is everything okay? Did you and Popi get into a fight?” I tried to say but halfway my voice started to crack. We had this way and something was telling me something was wrong. “ Janet. I am worried about you and what this magnesium. Janet, maybe we should ta-” I was cut off by Janet.

“ Look I was a 90s bitch to you. And I screwed up. I hated that I said those things. The week you were gone and we did not talk suck. But I and Popi are fine and if I don’t go now I won’t be able to take some Trippe before classes. And it is no big deal it is just a short cut. I call you later” Janet said then ran off. Something was not right and I knew no one but me was going to be able to figure it out.

[mypassionfortrash]

Do More of What Scares You (Part 14)

You and Roger head to Munich to join the rest of Queen in the studio. You have some big news to share, but how will Roger's bandmates react?

💡Catch up: 1&2 ~ 3&4 ~ 5&6 ~ 7&8&9 ~ 10&11 ~ 12 ~ 13💡

Notes: Last chapter! Thank you so much for reading. If you like this series then please, reblog it! I’ve been really disheartened by the lack of response to these updates because of Tumblr’s new algorithm burying them, so now more than ever, it’d be amazing if you could share this!

Tags: @jennyggggrrr & @sarahgurl09

Deacy slumped over the sofa at the back of the mixing room. He had given Brian some suggestions about how to play his solo. But, true to form, the guitarist was having none of it. He stood in the middle of the live room; a thick panel of glass divided him from his bandmates, something for which John was grateful whenever he decided to share a thought that might rile Brian up.

“You don’t know what you’re fucking talking about, John,” Brian seethed through gritted teeth, before demonstrating his illustrious idea one more time for his bandmates. “Is this good enough for you?”

“Can’t we all just calm down?” Freddie groaned, sparking up another cigarette. Then he poured himself yet another measure of vodka. “I don’t see why any of us are so bothered about this. We know the album’s never going to happen. Fuck, we’re a member down already. Here, have a drink, Deacy.”

Mack, the band’s producer, sat hunched over the mixing desk, pinching the bridge of his nose. Between Freddie’s drinking and partying, and Brian and Deacy’s disputes, he couldn’t see an end to this album either - with Freddie, that much he could agree. But to add to his troubles, Jim had refused to confirm whether Roger would be returning to play drums. And the label point-blank declined to finance a session artist. “This would be so much easier if we have a drum track to go off of,” he sighed.

No one heard, of course. They were much too busy throwing themselves into yet another debate to care.

“All I’m saying is that you’ve had a few too many,” Deacy reasoned with Freddie.

“Oh, don’t be such a bore, Deacy.”

Deacy’s eyes shot from Freddie to the omnipresent personal assistant lounging in the doorway.

Paul Prenter was inclined to clock watch when Queen were in the studio. Especially in Munich, which offered all the pleasures a gay man in the 80’s could dream of. He eagerly anticipated opening time for such establishments and would routinely haul Freddie away from the studio, usually at the worst times.

Deacy jabbed a finger in Paul’s direction. “Maybe we’ll get some bloody work done when you and that buggered off to your clubs.”

Paul piped up: “I don’t see how you and Brian-”

“For goodness sake, will you just shut up!” Brian and Deacy screamed in unison.

Paul, sufficiently startled, turned towards the door with Freddie in tow.

The pair stopped in their tracks. 

Freddie’s eyes tripled in size. “Where the bloody hell have you been?!” He demanded, taking in the sight of you and Roger. His moustache twitched for a moment before he pulled you both into a bone-crushing embrace. “I’ve been worried sick.” Dragging you both into the centre of the mixing room, he exclaimed: “Look what the cat dragged in! Brian! Look! Roger’s back! He worked things out with the girl! Come! Come through!”

You and Roger stood sheepishly in the centre of the room as his bandmates gathered around. 

But there was something off about the elated response. Brian wasn’t joining in. He barely said a word, apart from a courteous hug.

Peering through the gaggle, you watched Brian as he sat down on the sofa. “What’s the matter?”

He looked up at you. “Nothing, it’s nothing.”

Silence fell over the room as soon as he spoke. The realisation that something was drastically off hit an oblivious Roger like a ton of bricks. He pursed his lips together gazing around at his bandmates. “Is there something you aren’t telling me?”

His three best friends traded uneasy looks.

“Is this about me bailing on you? Because I’m-”

“Sit down, Rog,” Brian said, patting the seat next to him.

You perched on the armrest next to Roger, draping your arm over his shoulders. Freddie and Deacy completed the circle.

“We have some news,” Deacy started.

Roger’s shoulders stiffened beneath your touch. His entire body grew rigid. “Are we done?” he asked in a pitiful voice.

“Not completely,” Brian said. “We just think that after the next tour, it might be time to stop.”

“What he means is stop touring,” Freddie clarified.

“We’ll keep recording albums,” Deacy added.

Brian turned to Roger; his eyes were brimming with concern. “We’ll always be Queen. But touring, it’s just not good for us anymore. There are far too many distractions. You of all people should know that.”

“I take it you mean me?” Paul sulked from the doorway, shrouded in a plume of cigarette smoke.

“Oh, fuck off!” Brian spat.

“Can’t you see we’re having a private conversation, here?” Freddie fizzed, knocking everyone in the room for six. “You’ve done nothing but stir the pot since the day we arrived here. Your services aren’t required anymore.”

“You can’t just fire me!”

“Get out!”

Mack got to his feet and calmly escorted a seething Paul Prenter from the room, leaving you alone with the four members of Queen in stunned silence.

“Well?” Deacy pressed.

“Well, what?” Roger shrugged, a smirk twinkling at the corners of his lips.

“What do you think about that?” Brian urged.

Roger finally let himself smile, broad and unabashed. “I’m just glad Freddie’s seen sense if I’m honest.”

“Not Paul, dear. The band!” Freddie took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled. “What do you think about the band!”

“Oh, come off it! I know what you mean! It’s an excellent idea.”

Freddie, Brian and Deacy exchanged bewildered looks before Freddie piped up: “what has she done to you?”

You and Roger glanced at each other, simpering like a couple of loved up teenagers, while everyone else tried to figure out the reason behind Roger’s sudden shift in attitude.

“Should we tell them?” Roger proposed, bumping you with his shoulder.

“I think we should.”

“Okay,” he began, sitting up straight, and delicately placing his hands on his thighs. “We have some news.”

His bandmates leaned in, eagerly anticipating the big reveal.

“This fine young lady and I went galavanting all over Europe to sort ourselves out for a month, and I’m sorry I haven’t been a good friend or a good bandmate. But I’m better now. And we’re stronger than we ever were. We worked everything out and…”

You groaned. “What Roger means to tell you is,” you began, holding up your left hand to show them your news, “we’re getting married! And we hope you’ll all be there.”

The three men erupted. They shook Roger’s shoulders, and patted him on the back in congratulations and forgiveness. Brian sauntered over to the drinks cabinet and pulled out a bottle of Moët. Deacy and Roger followed him, leaving you with Freddie, who was positively vibrating with joy.

“Here, let me get a better look at this!” Freddie smiled, grabbing your hand. He eyed the gigantic ruby and diamond ring with adoration. “Oh, it’s gorgeous! I’m astounded you can even lift your hand, darling. It looks heavy! Did he choose this?!”

“Well, no, actually,” you grinned.

“Of course, he didn’t. He doesn’t have any taste, does he? Now, you must tell me everything,” he babbled, delivering a swat to your thigh. “How did it happen?”

You lolled your head to the side, remembering that moment. That day, when the autumn sun beat down over sprawling golden landscapes somewhere close to Cannes. You and Roger had hired a poppy red Jaguar that would get you from A to B on your adventures. Only, it began to belch out rings of acrid smoke from its exhaust as you neared the city. Soon the electrics and power steering went, ploughing you into the edge of the road. You could have argued; you remembered with a smirk just how close you were to a screaming match with Roger. But the pair of you stepped back from the brink, stamping out that fire before it took hold. The way he looked at you as you stood at the roadside; in a white linen dress and your hair in a pillar box red scarf that matched your cheeks in your flustered state. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, draping his jacket over your shoulders to keep you warm as dusk set in.

To him, you were the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. And all he wanted was to make it work. He was utterly disarmed. And he couldn’t resist. The words just tumbled from his lips as you danced at the side of the road to keep the chill at bay, your thumb outstretched, appealing to the better nature of passersby. He couldn’t help himself. “Will you marry me?”

“So that’s how it happened,” you giggled, taking in Freddie’s enthralled expression.

“I can’t believe that’s Roger!” he cooed. “Who’d have thought someone would finally make an honest man out of him! Who’d have thought someone would want to, for that matter!”

“He’s not all bad,” you mused, watching as Roger excitedly retold his side of the story to Brian and Deacy. He bobbed up and down with every word. His smile was so broad that his eyes narrowed and his red, rosy cheeks puffed out. “He’s perfect for me,” you said, glancing at Freddie.

“I just have one small question about all of this…”

Freddie had your full attention now.

“What happened with your job and everything? Didn’t you tell your friends where you were going? Weren’t you worried?”

“No.”

“No?!”

“I never worried once.”

Freddie pursed his lips together, shuffling in his seat. “You’re a braver woman than I am.”

“I remember before I met Roger,” you began, scooting over into Freddie’s arms, “I used to get this horrible rushing in my ears. Tunnel vision. My legs would feel like jelly. Any time I left the house, let alone did anything drastically life-changing. Anything that scared me in the least bit.”

“What about now, my dear?” Freddie asked, stroking your hair.

“It hasn’t happened in a month. I’ve gone from feeling that every single day of my adult life, to just being happy. Touchwood it won’t come back - it probably will at some point. But I think I’m in a better place to deal with it, you know?”

“And what about when you came home? After you left America? I’ve missed out on so much.”

“That was awful.”

“Roger was a nightmare to be around that entire time, by the way.”

“I think he still owes you an apology for that.”

“I’ll let it lie. For now.”

“I can’t believe I’m getting married.”

Freddie chuckled. “I’m going to have to find myself a nice man to be my plus one, aren’t I?”

“If you need any tips, from someone who’s got one, you only have to ask.”

“Oh, you!” Freddie scolded as he squeezed you tightly. The pair of you watching Roger from your spot on the sofa in the back of the room.

———————————————————————

The grounds of Garden Lodge bustled. Neat little rows of white chairs sat out on the lawn for a party of no more than 20 people; arches of sunflowers formed an aisle between the two groups of ten. The guests were busy quaffing as much champagne as they could handle. It was only eight in the morning - an ungodly hour for a wedding at the best of times - but some guests more than others didn’t hold much hope of the wedding happening. And if it did, a few took bets on the marriage not lasting more than a year.

Roger, Deacy and Brian stood huddled together at the makeshift altar, dressed in morning suits and nervously blathering away. “What if she gets cold feet?” Deacy said, earning him a glare from Brian.

The band had to be a well-oiled machine on today of all days. Their schedule allowed no margin for error. They had to be at Knebworth for their soundcheck at one o’clock. Sharp. Today was Queen’s final live show, after all.

“Why would you say something like that?” Roger asked, instantly becoming pale and snatching Deacy’s hip flask right from his hands. He took a swig. “She’s going to be here. Fred’ll see to it. I know he will.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Brian reassured.

Roger offered his bandmates the hip flask; his mouth hung slightly open, and his eyes just as wide. Both politely declined. He needed it more than they did.

Upstairs, in Freddie’s bedroom, you stared at yourself in the full-length mirror. Three men - Peter, Freddie and his partner, Jim, all sat at the edge of the bed, positively beaming at the sight of you. You turned to them, running your hands over the delicate swathes of deep damson lace. “What do you think?”

“It’s very unusual!” Freddie cooed, clasping his hands underneath his chin.

You whined, throwing your arms down by your sides, the sinking in your stomach growing increasingly apparent. “I knew it! I look fucking awful. Today of all days.”

“I don’t think that’s what Freddie meant,” Jim reassured, glaring at Freddie. “Did you?”

“If you’d have let me finish, Negative Nelly, I would have told you I liked the colour,” Freddie explained, rising to his feet and grabbing your hands. He pressed his nose to your own, making you giggle. “Because it’s not virgin white. You look exquisite.”

You looked at Peter. He had been Queen’s wardrobe mistress for years when they toured; you trusted him to help you find the right dress. He seemed pleased with his choice, smiling sweetly at you. “Is it sitting right?” you asked him.

Peter stood up and fixed the train at the back of your skirt. With great care, he spread the layers of fabric out behind you on the floor. “Now it is, but remember, you can’t sit down for the next hour or so. You don’t want the fabric to wrinkle.”

“Okay. Jim, how’s my hair?”

“What are you worrying about your hair for? Roger’s probably going to mess it up in about an hour anyway!”

You sighed, seeing reason beyond all of your fretting. “You’re right. You’re right.” Deep breaths. Today of all days, you weren’t prepared to let doubt and self-sabotage be a feature of your day. You shuffled over to the window to catch a glimpse of your husband-to-be.

You had agreed on a low-key wedding. Just your friends. But even at that, with only twenty people waiting for you downstairs, it felt like too much. It made your heart race.

In the thick of it all, the flowers, pomp and ceremony, was Roger. You had never seen him so happy. Sure, he looked pale, and he was clutching a hip flask for dear life. But he seemed like he was on another level of happiness that you never thought was possible.

Your head spun as you realised your body was fighting for every breath it took.

“Someone fetch her a drink! Joe, darling,” Freddie called, speeding out of the room and into the landing. “Joe! Can you bring our lovely bride some more champagne, dear?”

Peter and Jim fussed over you at the window. A pair of supportive friends that you never in your wildest dreams imagined you would have. You looked down at Alex, Katie and Molly, sour-faced and sandwiched between their boring looking boyfriends. They stuck out like sore thumbs for being the most bland guests there. They didn’t even want to be there. You had known them for years; longer than anyone else and yet, they were the ones who tried to put you off marrying Roger for the whole year between your engagement and your big day. By rights, they should’ve been the ones holding your hand today. But they couldn’t see past their own boring worlds and their own uneventful lives to go after something better. Something exciting.

At least you had the inhabitants of Garden Lodge - cats included - for moral support.

Peter gently took your hand and guided you towards the edge of the bed. “I’m allowing you to sit down because I can’t have you passing out on us. Roger would kill us,” he explained, forcing you to crack a smile.

Freddie returned with Joe - the youngest of the Garden Lodge Four. He cooked and looked after all of the alcohol that flowed freely through the premises. He even made your wedding cake - complete with miniature versions of you and Roger in a little red Jag. “Here, drink! We’ve got about twenty bottles of the good stuff to get through,” he urged, thrusting a glass into your trembling hand.

“Better not tell Roger that - he’s got a show to play!” Jim joked.

You quickly drained it, feeling that golden liquid imbuing you with renewed verve. “Thank you.”

“Better?” Jim asked.

“Much, much better.”

“If it makes you feel even better,” Joe began, whispering to you, “I’ve fed Roger a whole bottle. Brian and John are going to have to prop him up.”

You couldn’t hold back your laugh; it shook your whole body with happiness and echoed through the room, startling no less than three of Freddie’s cats from their hiding spots.

“I think she’s better,” Freddie shrugged.

Jim eyed his watch and jumped when his brain registered the time. “Fuck! It’s quarter past. Better get you downstairs, Mrs Taylor.”

“Don’t want Roger thinking you’ve done a runner, now, do we?” Peter said, offering you a hand up.

The marble staircase seemed to stretch on for miles, spiralling down into the hallway. Every single shaky step made your leopard print heels slip ever so slightly tripling the rate at which your heart fluttered. Even if you did manage to fall, you were safe in the knowledge that Jim or Freddie would catch you. They clung to an arm each for dear life while Peter hung back, frantically preventing you from standing on the bottom of your dress. They did all the work, forcing each baby step upon you as your body threatened to hurl the contents of your stomach down your dress and a quiet ocean moved inside your ears.

The trio led you out into the garden, through neatly trimmed rows of hedges and beautiful rose bushes and sunflowers. You had managed to accumulate a few of Freddie’s cats along the way, too. They accompanied you to the first sunflower arch at the end of the narrow aisle, before Freddie passed you a bouquet of roses that matched your dress.

Heads turned to get a glimpse of you, but there was only one person you cared about seeing today. Although tunnel vision was setting in, if you strained hard enough, you could just about make him out at the very end of the aisle. You could see his smile a mile off.

The wedding march kicked in, and suddenly you were on your own.

Your nails dug into the flowers stems as you tried to focus on something other than the fact that your legs felt like jelly. Your vision was so obscured that you struggled to see Roger, squinting into the sun. It felt like a joke — a bad one at that. A car crash in slow motion, you felt compelled to make proceedings move just a little bit faster. To put one foot in front of the other more easily.

“Fuck this,” you muttered to yourself, leaning against the back of a chair. You whipped off your shoes and carried on. It earned you some uneasy laughs, but you could tell Roger’s was genuine.

Being able to move more freely, you giggled to yourself as your stomped towards the altar. 

Roger shared your sentiments. He couldn’t stop laughing. “You’re that impatient to marry me, hm?”

You scoffed, delivering a smack to his chest. “How do I look, though?”

“Don’t know. Haven’t got my glasses. Can’t see you. Might be marrying a complete dog - ow!”

Freddie had delivered a sharp jab to Roger’s ribs, making him jump.

Roger’s cheeky expression was plastered all over his face by this point, but the feeling wasn’t lost. Those words made you melt in front of everyone. “You look beautiful, darling.”

—————————————————————————————————————————

You spent the entirety of Queen’s set cuddled up next to Freddie’s partner, Jim, at the side of the stage, sinking beers and watching in blissful awe as the sprawling crowd sang every word back to Freddie. It was unlike anything you had witnessed before. Unlike the last time you found yourself at a Queen gig.

When the evening drew to a close, a rush of euphoria washed over you; your husband finally made his way off stage towards you. He was drenched in sweat and on a high he’d never reach again. The voices of what seemed like millions, still chanting ‘God Save the Queen’ provided a fitting backdrop. He was inches from you, aching to finally be alone with his wife, when you pointed into the distance, over his shoulder.

“Nope,” Roger murmured, peppering kisses all over your cheek. “None of that now. S’all about you, Mrs Taylor.”

You pressed your hands to his chest, grasping at the saturated shirt he wore to stop him. “Just look,” you whispered, spinning him around by his shoulders.

Roger’s eyes glassed over, gazing out at the adoring audience one last time.

“Savour it,” you said, resting your arm over his shoulder. “You’ve got a lifetime with me. But you’re not going to get that again.”

You felt something behind you. Then you heard it.

“What are you two doing?” Freddie fretted, putting his arm around you. Then Brian joined him. And Deacy and the crew and their wives and kids joined them, too, until you all stood in a row, arm-in-arm, watching as the crowds began to disperse.

“What do we do now?” Roger asked, his voice wavering.

“I think I was at a wedding this morning,” Deacy mused.

“Really?” Freddie snorted. “Whose wedding?”

“A pair of plonkers called Mr and Mrs Taylor, I think,” Brian retorted.

“Alright, boys!” you chuckled, hauling Roger away from the group. “I want some time alone with my husband. You can have him back later.”

Roger nodded at you. A short, wordless signal to make your getaway as swiftly as possible. Then the pair of you ran as fast as your legs could carry you through the backstage area and out to a waiting car. 

When you collapsed inside, and the door closed, it was as if the entire world had been put on hold. It was just you and Roger, sweaty and breathless and alone for the first time in what felt like an eternity. You sat apart on the backseats, hands barely touching, trying to catch your breath as the car kicked into motion.

“We did it,” Roger gasped, clutching his heaving chest.

“That was honestly the most terrifying day of my life.”

Roger chuckled and shook his head. “Happy, though, right?”

“I think I made a good choice.”

“So what’s next?”

“Dunno. We could decorate the house?”

“Decorate?! It’s our wedding night, and you’re talking to me about decorating?”

“Oh, you meant… right!” You tittered, throwing your leg over Roger’s lap. “Well, in that case…” You trailed off, kissing your husband deeply.

He sighed against your lips, pressing his fingers into your waist. Then he broke away; a mischevious look washed over him. 

“What?” you asked, sweeping his hair back.

“Can you put the dress on when we get home?”

“Why?” you asked, narrowing your eyes.

“So I can take it off.”

[devilishlyvintage]

The Text-to-Speech Man (A Big Hero 6: The Series Fanfic)

Name: The Text-to-Speech Man

Fandom: Big Hero 6

Words: 4,209 (okay that’s a lot, like ten pages xD)

Summary: Nobody knows who the Text-to-Speech Man really is, only he knows that.

Note: we call bangs fringes in the UK. Just thought i’d clear that up to avoid any confusion.

OC VOICE CLAIMS (I tried to include well-known voice actors/actresses amongst the cartoon community, though included some other famous faces as well):

Daniel Henney as Sunny Elemente

Nolan North as Sunny’s Text-to-Speech watch

Dolly Parton as Aspen Murdock

Greg Cipes as Zach Evans

Jonah Hill as Ted Baxter

Ashly Burch as Natalie Worth

and finally Tara Strong as Danika Kurosawa

It was pressing on into morning, the clouds and sun mixing together to create dusk, the colours of the sky a concoction of reds, oranges, yellows and light pinks.

“Hello, my name is-”

No, that’s not right, thought the man, turning the screwdriver once more. Come on, you’ve got this. You can do this.

“Hello, my name is Sunny-”

Come on, work you stupid thing! God damn it, cursed the man, programming was one of your top subjects, this shouldn’t be so hard!

“Hello, my name is Sunny Elemente.”

The young adult came to a standstill when he heard those words, the words he had been wanting hear for the past four hours. He pressed the tiny button on the silver metal, erasing the current sentence displayed on the holographic screen and typing something else in its place using the keypad.

“I understand that me not talking has caused some concern, but you do not have to worry about that anymore. With this little watch, I can speak to all of you whenever I want. Pretty great, right?”

Unfortunately, the computer didn’t recognise abbreviated language (much to the dismay of its inventor) but, it was better than no result at all. Sunny Elemente relaxed into his spinning chair with a sigh of accomplishment, lighting a cigarette to celebrate his victory.

You did it, man. You did it.

The clock struck 4 AM, a time were people were usually asleep. But no, not Sunny. As much as he wanted to, he was unable to sleep. He thought that things were bad during the day, though at night…

At night, it was a living hell. The flashback, the memories, the screaming echoing in his ears…it was far from soothing. Leaning his head back, Sunny blew smoke out from his mouth and placed the cigarette between his lips, watching the paper burn.

“Sunny?” his friend questioned him as she stopped in the doorway, causing him to quickly sit upright and put his prize out in the ashtray on his work bench. “Is that you?”

Sunny nodded out of habit, though his shielded eyes glanced at the watch on his wrist. He didn’t hesitate in putting it to use, inserting a response so that he could talk with his housemate.

“Yes. It is me. Hello Danika.”

Danika was startled at first; she hadn’t expected to hear a robotic male voice address her so casually. She raised a brow, now more confused than anything.

“How are you doing that?” she asked, walking over to him. Sunny tapped the glass of his modified watch, and then motioned to her to look up. Danika did so, in awe at what her friend had been able to do with just a few simple tools and components.

“Awesome, right? Now I can talk to you and the others without even having to move my lips.”

“Yeah…” Danika said with a nod, a smile spreading across her lips. “Yeah! Sunny, this is fantastic. I can’t believe you were able to make something like this in such a small space of time…except, that’s wrong, isn’t it? You’ve been up for hours, haven’t you?”

“Yes. I have been working on this bad boy for four hours straight; have not gotten a wink of sleep. Now before you say anything, yes, I know I need to rest but…I cannot. Things have not been easy for me recently.”

Danika’s happy expression soon turned to a frown when she heard that. The fourteen year old grabbed a chair and sat opposite her care giver, her dainty hands meeting his padded shoulders.

“You’ve been acting strange for weeks now.” she said, becoming serious. “This isn’t good, not at all. You haven’t been eating or sleeping properly for a while now, it’s…it’s scaring me. You’re scaring me, Sunny.”

Sunny could see the pain glisten in her chocolate eyes; it hurt him to see her like that. It hurt him more than text-to-speech could ever describe. His gloved hands made their way to her face, cupping her cheeks. Their foreheads lightly touched, thumbs brushing away heartfelt tears.

“Do not cry, Danika. Please.”

Danika’s breath hitched, she couldn’t help how she felt. She was worried for someone she cared deeply about, a friend who she would do anything for. Smaller hands rested over larger ones, though not even that could stop the emotions that were falling.

“I-I’m sorry,” she apologised, if anyone should have been crying it was Sunny, he was the one who was suffering. “I-it’s just that…y-you’re my f-f-friend and I…I care a-about y-you. It hurts, you know…I wanna h-help but I…I d-don’t know h-how.”

Sunny said nothing, instead bringing her into a hug. His chin sat on the top of her head, the tears wanted to come out but they simply couldn’t do so.

“You being here is enough. Thank you, for wanting to help me, but there are some problems that you cannot fix. I know that might be hard for you to hear, though it is true. What I am going through is something that I have to help myself recover from, though with you and the others by my side…I feel like I can do anything.”

Lifting his scarf down from the bottom half of his face he kissed Danika’s forehead before pulling it back up, looking at her through his sunglasses.

“You should head back to bed; we have a pretty big day ahead of us.”

“Oh yeah,” Danika remembered, she had completely forgotten until now. “We have the presentation at that college tomorrow, the mutant awareness one, right?”

“Right.” Sunny replied, moving away from her. “See you at breakfast, Danika.”

Danika kissed Sunny’s cheek, humming with content. “See you at breakfast, Sunny.”

Sunny saw the teenager leave from the corner of his eye, a regretful breath passing him as he gently shook his head.

Why…why am I such a coward?

-Mutant Awareness Presentation Day-

“So what’s this presentation Professor Granville wants us all to go to?”  wondered Hiro, holding the straps of his back pack as he walked alongside his friends.

“Beats me.” GoGo shrugged her shoulders. “But, people have been getting pretty hyped about it. Whatever it is, it’s gotta be good if everyone is making such a big fuss.”

“You guys haven’t heard?” Honey Lemon asked, saying a quick ‘hello’ to a passerby she knew. “Apparently people with 'special talents’ are gonna be there, how true that is, i’m not sure. If I had to guess, they’re probably just some really, really smart scientists.”

“I agree with Honey Lemon,” said Wasabi, 'special talents’, his ass. “All their gonna do is show off some top of the range invention and try and convince the audience that it’s gonna 'change their lives’. To be honest, I think i’m just gonna skip it and get breakfast instead, I haven’t eaten anything all morning and i’ve got a really bad headache coming on.”

The muscular rule follower rubbed the side of his forehead, trying to settle the twinges of pain that would make his eyes twitch every few seconds. Hiro could see that Wasabi wasn’t having the best start to the day and stopped, taking his bag off of his shoulders and rummaging through it, handing the darker skinned male a container and plastic fork.

“Here, you need this more than me.”

Wasabi declined; he couldn’t take Hiro’s breakfast.

“I appreciate it the gesture and all, Hiro, but this is your breakfast. I don’t think your aunt would be too happy.”

“Wasabi, I insist.” Hiro said, a small smile on his face. “I wouldn’t want you to get sick. I can get something when we get to SFIT. Please, take it.”

Wasabi glanced at the container of food, a warm expression settling onto his features.

Just like Tadashi.

“Thanks, Hiro.” he thanked, putting the plastic case in his satchel. “Don’t expect me not to buy you lunch for this. Next time, i’m treating you to breakfast”

Wasabi ruffled Hiro’s hair in a friendly manner, earning a toothy grin from the adolescent.

When the nerd gang arrived to SFIT, the presentation was under last minute preparations. The stage was decorated with a large banner saying 'Mutant Awareness 2k32’ and students were setting up the speakers and projectors.

This must be important, thought Hiro. Really important.

“Are you guys hyped or what!?” exclaimed Fred, startling everyone when he arrived. “Sorry i’m late; I was at a comic signing. I met three awesome dudes while I was there; turns out we’re in most of the same fandoms! We exchanged our PS4 ID’s too, so we can play online any time!”

“That’s great, Freddie.” Honey Lemon beamed, happy her friend had met some new people. “I’m glad you made some new friends!”

“Yeah, that sounds awesome, Fred.” Hiro said. While not a huge comic book fan, he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed a light read once in a while. He had been reading some of Tadashi’s old comics from when he was around his age, and good lord did they make him cringe. His older brother definitely had some weird tastes as a fourteen year old. “If they’re at the presentation, maybe you could introduce us to them.”

“You got it, dude.” Fred smiled; he couldn’t wait to keep in contact with his new buddies and beat their butts on multiplayer. It was going to be sweet!

“I don’t know about this you guys,” said Sunny and Danika’s friend, Aspen, with uncertainty. “What if they don’t like it?”

Aspen was nervous about having to talk in front of a huge crowd of people, though Sunny simply took her hands and offered her reassurance.

“It will be okay. Do not worry so much. If anyone wants to poke fun at you, I will kick their asses.”

Aspen chuckled when she heard that, she had become used to her friend’s choice of words that she no longer called him out on his swearing.

Typical Sunny.

“Thanks, hon.” she replied, going to take a look around. She and her friends had a few minutes to go before the presentation began, so she figured she would use the time she had to get a better look of the venue.

“I can’t believe we’re presenting this at my dream school.” Danika looked at SFIT from the distance; she wished she could have applied to study at the college, but the fees were simply too high. Someday, she hoped. Someday.

“You’ll get there, Dani.” her best friend, Natalie, linked her arm. “With your know-how and charm, you’ll be the best for sure. Come on, let’s go with Ted and Zach, they said they wanted to meet that Fred guy the three of us met at the comic store.

Danika smiled sadly, no matter how hard she hoped, no matter how hard she wished, she knew that deep down her dreams were never going to come true. Though she always applied herself to any situation when it came to robotics, having to present an invention of her own at a showcase seemed too daunting, and she had no doubt in her mind that she would freak out and mess up.

"Look who it is,” grinned Ted, gaining Fred’s attention. “Our buddy from the comic store. Didn’t think we’d see you here, man.”

“Dudes!” Fred greeted the two, fist bumping. “Guys, these are my buds Ted and Zach.”

“Hi!” waved Honey Lemon.

“Nice to meet you.” said Wasabi.

“Great, more nerds.” GoGo rolled her eyes, folding her arms. One Fred was bad enough already, she didn’t need to get to know two more.

“And what’s wrong with being a nerd, hm?” Ted put his hands on his hips, raising a brow. Compared to Honey Lemon who was rather tall for a woman, he was huge! “Are you..nerdist?”

Zach gasped dramatically, it all made sense now! “You’re a nerdist!”

“Nerdist!” Fred defended his pals. “Nerdists aren’t cool, dudette!”

“Nerdist!” Natalie joined in, turning away from GoGo with a 'hmph’. “Come on, guys, let’s go talk somewhere else. We shouldn’t have to be around someone who’s a nerdist.”

“I’m not a nerdist!” protested GoGo, she was puzzled as to what was even happening right now. “What even is that!?”

“Now that…” Hiro paused before speaking again. “Was the most confusing thing i’ve ever seen. I guess Fred was right when he said being part of a fanbase is like being a member of a family. Who knew?”

“They’ll cool off in a couple hours; they don’t stay mad for long.” Danika reassured the gang. “Hi, nice to meet you, i’m Danika. Danika Kurosawa. I’ll be one of the presenters for the Mutant Awareness presentation.”

“Mutant…Awareness?” Hiro asked, he could have sworn he’d heard her right. “What’s a…mutant?”

“Yeah, I don’t think i’ve ever heard of them before.” Honey Lemon added. “I mean, i’ve watched movies about heroes with special talents and…no…no way!”

“Yes way.” Danika grinned, if she could she would have given a demonstration, but she had to save it for the show. “I know it may seem hard to believe, but if you watch the presentation later you’ll see it all for yourself. I’m sorry, I know we’ve just met but i’ll have to get going, the presentation starts in ten. It was nice meeting all of you!”

Danika dashed like a bolt of lightning, fast on her feet. Honey Lemon squealed a little in excitement.

“She seems so nice!” she spoke giddily. “And those jeans, I need to find out where she got them!”

Hiro was thinking about Danika’s surname, it somehow seemed familiar to him.

Danika Kurosawa…hmm…have I heard that name before?

***

“I am aware that a lot of you have been looking forward to this and I apologise for the lack of information that was given, I will be sure to fix that error for future events.” Professor Granville spoke into a microphone, clearing her throat as she stood on the stage. “Without any further ado, I would like to introduce you to Mr Sunny Elemente and his friends.”

Granville put the microphone back onto its stand and stepped aside, applauding along with the audience. Sunny appeared from behind the curtain, as did his mutant companions.

“Thank you, Professor Granville.” he said via his watch. “As you already heard, my name is Sunny Elemente and these are my friends. I would like you to meet Aspen Murdock, Zach Evans, Ted Baxter, Danika Kurosawa and Natalie Worth. We are here today so that we can spread awareness about the mutant community and hopefully help give you a better insight about who we are. For your safety, I would advise that all of you each take a step back, because things are about to get hot.”

Cupping both of his palms, Sunny presented a big ball of fire to the audience. It appeared out of thin air and hovered over his skin, which immediately got the attention of those attending the presentation.

“Are you really doing that?” a member of the crowd asked, with Sunny nodding.

“Yes. What am I doing is real, it is not magic of any kind. Unless, you consider mutants to be magical, that is up to you.”

“Amazing…” Hiro trailed off, in complete amazement.

“Tell me about it.” Fred agreed, he’d never been this interested in a public show before.

“That is not all I can do.” Sunny said, making the fire ball disappear. “Watch closely.”

With a click of his fingers he was able to light up candles that had been put on a table for the demonstration. The crowds were close to going wild, but they kept their cool out of respect and a want to see more.

“That’s cool n’ all, but I got a few tricks up my sleeve as well.” Danika smirked, a hand on her hip. “What do you all think of this?”

Granville was not a woman who smiled often, (let alone at all, really) though on this particular occasion she allowed a small one to settle on her lips. She could tell that Danika was a talented individual, a girl who had hopes and dreams just like everyone else.

A young woman who is wise beyond her years. Very good.

The audience went ape like fans at a concert, watching Danika zip and zoom through the air with purple shocks of electricity following her every move and occasionally firing the odd bolt or two. Landing back on the stage gracefully, she gave a bow and blew a kiss to those standing in the audience.

The presentation lasted for a good hour and a half with Natalie, Ted, Zach and Aspen demonstrating their powers. Metal, plant, light and air manipulation were what they individually possessed, and it was amazing to watch. Light made everything seem that extra bit brighter, and with a cool breeze the warm weather was becoming more bearable by the second. The wind blew in Honey Lemon’s hair, catching Ted’s attention. He began blushing, though was able to hide it well from the crowd.

Except from Zach.

“Ooo, someone’s in love.” he teased with a whisper, laughing when Ted playfully punched his arm.

“I am not.” he answered. “Come on; let’s just go answer some questions. Sunny’s getting kinda bombarded, we should go help him out.”

After things had died down and people were going to get their lunch, Sunny and the other mutants had been given the opportunity to have a private tour of SFIT. Professor Granville was being polite to the guests, showing them the different facilities that were offered.

“And this is the lab that belonged to one of our popular students. He unfortunately passed away in a horrific fire, though his legacy lives on in the hearts of his peers.” Granville explained, noticing that Sunny had stopped dead in front of Tadashi’s lab. “Mr Elemente? Is everything all right?”

Sunny could feel the tears coming and this time, he would be unable to stop them. He hated making scenes like this in public, but he couldn’t help it. His breath caught in his throat and his legs felt like jello.

“May I? Please?” he asked the professor, seeing her hold her clipboard to her chest. “Tadashi was an old friend of mine…I…I used to be a student here a long time ago before I dropped out. Other priorities, you see.”

“I was not aware that you were a former student, Mr Elemente.” Granville said. Despite the way Sunny got his words across, she could sense that he had a great deal of pain going on inside. “All right, I will give you a few minutes. But please, try not to break anything. I would like everything to stay exactly how it is, for Mr Hamada’s sake.”

“Of course.”

Sunny walked into the lab, closing the door behind him. Danika was about to go in after him, but Granville stopped her.

“He needs a moment alone, Miss Kurosawa. To remember his friend.” she told her, proceeding on with the tour. “Over here is where our students are working on the next best selling equipment, an upgrade for current virtual reality systems.”

“Wow…” the mutants looked on in unison.

Sunny stood in the centre of the room, enjoying the blissful silence. Unable to hold back any longer, the eighteen year old fell to his knees and cried, burying his face into his hands as he did. He wanted to fight it, he wanted to fight the sadness, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

“Why…why, why, why!?” he kept asking himself over and over, the burning sensation in his eyes should have caused him distress, though it was nothing of the sort. “Why did this…why did this happen!? Things shouldn’t have been like this…they shouldn’t have!”

Sunny cried and cried, tears sizzling and evaporating into the floor due to their heat. He wanted to stand up and rejoin his friends, though he didn’t have the energy to. His whole self felt numb, deathly numb. It was like time itself had frozen as he reflected on memories, memories of much happier times. His hair hung in front of his face, the sunlight shining on the red streak that was in his fringe, a little touch he had added to make him feel a bit better about himself. Plus, regulars at Good Luck Alley always dyed their hair; he was no exception to the rules of that God forsaken place.

Good Luck Alley…Good luck at getting out alive.

There were times Sunny had feared for his life in that alley. Running away from Yama and his gang of thugs to accidentally using his powers on an innocent civillian who had done no wrong. The Mutant Awareness presentation made life for the gifted seem easy, but in reality it was just as hard as being a regular human being.

“Mr Elemente? Are you all right now?” Professor Granville interrupted Sunny’s moment of peace, the onetime were he could have had some quiet, and she had to ruin it. “Your friends have grown quite worried about you; perhaps you should consider rejoining them.”

“I will rejoin them when I am ready. Please, just a few more minutes.”

“Mr Elemente if you are having personal issues I would highly recommend talking to the people who care about you.” Professor Granville suggested, her conscience telling her to run for some reason. “If it is a mental health problem you are suffering from, I know people who may be able to help.”

“That will not be necessary. Now get out.” Sunny demanded, who did this woman think she was? Telling him that he needed help? He didn’t need help of that kind, he was perfectly fine!

“Mr Elemente, please, there is no need to get angry. I was simply recommending seeing a doctor for your own benefit.” Granville’s hand was searching for the handle, her heart beating faster. “If I have offended in you in some way, then I apologise-”

“GET OUT!” Sunny screamed at her, getting to his feet. Fire surrounded him and fresh tears stayed still on his cheeks; Granville had succeeded in pissing him off even if she hadn’t intended to. “GET OUT! YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND ME!? LIKE HELL YOU DO! GET OUT!”

Granville was shocked, lips quivering. Taken aback by the fire mutant’s outburst, she noticed that he was trying to calm down by the way his breathing sounded. Clenching onto her clipboard, she did her best to compose herself, but it was no use.

“So…you can actually speak?” she asked, attempting to break the ice a little. “If you are able to communicate, why do you use text-to-speech? I’m confused.”

“Are you always so nosey?

"Are you always so rude?” Granville retorted, putting her clipboard to the side. “Mr Elemente, you strike me as the type of man who has been through a lot in life. It may surprise you, but I do have feelings. I have emotions just like you or anyone else. I think that behind this act of yours, you are simply someone crying out for help. As I have said, I know a few people who specialise in dealing with matters of the mind.”

“And as I have said nothing is wrong with me. Please, leave me alone.”

Sunny pushed passed her, leaving Tadashi’s lab. He shoved his hands into his pockets, not bothering to join Danika or the others. He couldn’t be bothered with people right now; all he wanted was to be left alone. Was it really too much to ask for?

***

“He just left, without telling anyone?” Aspen asked a student, she was becoming worried for Sunny’s well-being. She knew he hadn’t been himself for a while, and she was scared that his problems were only going to get worst if he kept silent about it all the time.

“Yeah.” replied the student, feeling bad that she wasn’t able to help out more. “I don’t know where he went though, sorry about that. I wish there was more I could do to help. If I see him around, i’ll let him know you’re looking for him.”

“Thank you.” Ted said, hand on Aspen’s shoulder. “Take care.”

“You too.” smiled the student, going back to her friendship group.

“Maybe he went back home?” Natalie suggested, the situation wasn’t getting any better, she could tell that much. “Then again, I think he would'a told us if he was planning on it.”

“Natalie’s right.” said Danika, worried about Sunny just like Aspen was. “Come on, guys, we gotta go look for him. I don’t think…I don’t think he’s in a good state of mind right now.”

Without a second thought, the mutants went to look for their friend, hoping it wasn’t too late to stop him from doing something he would end up regretting later on.

To be continued…

Author’s Note: I apologise for any mistakes in this. I’ve been writing this since 12:00 PM (GMT) today and it’s now 9:15 (so 8 hours worth of writing). I will go back and fix any errors that I think need fixing, and there will be a second part to this. I’m not sure when that will be, but it will happen.

[blackthornings]

after a storm  // modern au feysand fluff

His house smells smoky and full of possibility, the way it always does after a rainstorm and he invites everyone in. Nobody knows why he waits until the rainstorms, when the streets are damp and the sky is swollen, to throw parties, but it's Cassian's party, and nobody really questions Cassian, save for Nesta. I can see her now, perched on the arm of a worn leather settee, taking small sips from her drink as if it's scalding her mouth, which I know can't be true because it's ice-cold vodka, which is just about the only alcohol Nesta ever drinks at parties. I know this because Cassian is always moaning about it, but secretly I think he's impressed by her.

 Mor's eyes flicker to me in the warm lights of Cassian's living room and she grins. "He has dirt-cheap parties but at least he makes up for it with interesting company," she smiles.

I have to laugh.  "You call Cassian company?" 

Although she's right, in a way. I barely know anyone here, save for my small circle of friends, and the house is packed, music thrumming through the air like a lifeline tying us all together. Our host is playing some kind of drinking game in the corner. His parents aren't here. They never are. 

I weave my way through the people like a wraith till I spot Amren and collapse into the chair next to her. "Not drinking tonight?" she asks. I don't need to ask her if she will. She never does. "I told Rhys I'd wait for him to turn up before I got drunk again," I say. She nods, a half smile laced on her lips, and turns back to watching Cassian pour alcohol into his mouth like he's trying to drown himself. "He's going to have a hell of a headache in the morning," Amren chuckles quietly, her blood-red lips parting to reveal those scarily white teeth. I think about what I know about Cassian's past, and remember how my sister treats him, and all of the horrible things he's had to endure. "If anyone deserves to get drunk into forgetting everything, it's him." Amren only raises a delicate eyebrow and nods. 

Then I feel arms around my chest, gently hugging me, laced with the smell of jasmine and stardust. I smile lazily and lean back to look Rhys in the eye. "Hello, Feyre darling," he purrs. There is something in his eyes like galaxies, like a network of stars that I wish I could crowd towards to wipe out all the dark places inside me. 

"Prick," I grin. "Couldn't you say hello first rather than sneaking up on me like that?" 

Rhys sighs dramatically. "Where would be the fun in that?" I disentangle myself from his arms and stand up to peck him on the cheek. He laughs, the sound low and musical, and hugs me. I could stand like this forever, with him encircling me the way rings encircle Saturn, filling me with light and bits of space floating through my chest. 

A cheer goes up from Cassian's table. I can see Mor and Az watching now too, Az’s arm draped around her shoulder. But Nesta's at the edge of the crowd watching Cassian, her head tilted at a challenging angle and a smirk on her lips. 

"Cassian's got a real challenge on his hands," Rhys says, following my gaze. I just laugh and watch, but am secretly a little nervous since if Nesta has a headache tomorrow I'll be the first one she takes it out on. "Let's leave them to their drinking and go somewhere else," Rhys whispers, his words tickling my ear like fluttering moths. 

I smile. "I'm choosing where we go," I say, and grab his hand. 

It only takes five minutes to walk through the rain-soaked streets, smelling of haziness and possibility, until we reach the park. It's especially beautiful in the dusk, with the last of the warm-hued sunlight reaching across the sky the way I reach for Rhys' hand. The light shines on the damp grass, on the marks we leave in the sodden earth when when step on it. It's late summer and I can hear the chorus of the world as I walk over to the swings. 

Rhys laughs, but not mockingly. A gentle laugh. "The park?" 

I smile, and sit down; I don't let go of his hand as my other hand grips the cold edges of the swings, its ice biting into me. 

"I used to love this place when I was a kid," I say. "And I love you. And tonight is about that." 

His eyes meet mine and I can see the wonder reflected in them. He sits on the swings, too, and we sit in silence for a while, so I listen to the world and take it in like I'm sipping an exotic drink, saving pieces for later to paint. Locking them in my heart. The last of the evening sun fades away, laughing, and the light comes from the full moon overhead. It casts a silvery glow on everything and kisses the light rain which has started to fall, caresses the metal on the swings and somehow makes Rhys' face more beautiful, as if it is edged with starlight.

Then we talk, and talking to him is like unlocking a part of myself that I'd never known existed. His voice is more beautiful to me even than the songs that the birds sing, the brush of his hand more precious than each of the raindrops glimmering like diamonds on the grass. 

And when he kisses me, it's like I forget to become anyone or try to think; I forget everything but drawing breath because there's just me, and Rhys, and the starlight that coats his touch, and the smell of musky jasmine and the thudding of his heart, like the beat to the best song I'd ever heard. And I don't want to ever leave. Because I feel it, in this moment. I can feel how he loves me, how he will always love me, even when the stars collapse and he breathes his last breath. And I know that nothing could ever be more perfect than this place, with the singing moon and the silvery sky and the person who loves me in my arms.

it’s kind of ridiculous how much i love writing feysand fluff, but they’re my fav couple :’) i’ve been rereading acomaf over and over since there’s only six days till acowar! so excited aaah

[firstumcschenectady]

“Woman at the Well, With a Twist”based on1 Kings 8:22-23, 27-30 and John 4:1-30

When I was in seminary, I had the great privilege of interning at the Hollywood United Methodist Church. That church had a deep commitment to the people in its community, a thirst for a deeper faith and ways of following Jesus, incredible diversity, and joy that in being community to each other AND whoever showed up. They were wonderful teachers and in two years of being in ministry with them, my heart and mind grew.

I often took public transportation to Hollywood, which meant that I emerged from the subway onto the Walk of Fame next to Mann's Chinese Theater. It was one long block south of the church. If you haven't been there, then you might not know that the Hollywood Walk of Fame is an intriguing combination of tourists, people dressed up as cartoon characters, people paid minimum wage to hand out leaflet advertisements for clubs and tours, and.... most annoyingly of all... evangelists.

It was my practice to ignore the evangelists. They were usually new Christians who were part of mega-churches from some state far away, expressing their new-found devotion by trying to terrify others into believing in Jesus. While I found them to be the most annoying part of my commute, I kept my head down, and kept moving.

My last semester of seminary, however, we had an exchange student.  He was a college junior who had been raised in a conservative evangelical tradition, and he mentioned that he didn't know how deconstruct the argument that the street-evangelists made. So a bunch of us went to Hollywood: 3 last semester seminarians, 1 very interested college exchange student, and the seminary dean; to be evangelized.

We were accosted as soon as we emerged from the subway. It was so easy to deconstruct their arguments that I felt a little bit guilty doing it, like we were teasing a hungry child by putting food out of their reach. However, the young man needed to know, so we played. Their argument was developed in this way: they sought to establish that we had “sinned” in some simplistic way (lying, stealing, etc), they meant to inform us that our sin condemned us to hell, and then they intended to establish that the only way to avoid hell was by professing specific words about Jesus. If there was a plan after that I don't know it, we started messing with them on step one ;) Eventually I admitted to being a pastor at the church which was visible from the corner, and they got even more confused. (After all, I'm female.) I fear we may have even messed up their new-found, overly simplistic, faith.

Most of the time, when reading a dialogue between Jesus and religious authorities, it feels like Jesus is playing with them in the way that we (the overly theologically educated) played with the street evangelists. Jesus terrifies and stumps the Pharisees, Sadducees, priests, and scribes whenever he talks to them. The religious authorities of the day were presumably brilliant men who had spent their lifetimes studying the Torah and seeking to know God. Jesus doesn't even appear to exert any effort in beating them at their own game. He's GOOD. He's the master. He wins every round with the religious authorities and doesn't even break a sweat – well, at least according the Gospels, books written to make him look good ;)

I don't think we can fully appreciate this story without remembering how effective Jesus is at deconstructing the arguments of the wisest scholars of his day. Jesus treated her as a partner, and equal, and enjoyable conversation partner. He didn't aim to stump her, terrify her, or silence her. He spoke to her without an audience. It wasn't a competition. It was a conversation.

The Samaritan woman was the opposite of a religious authority. She had no formal religious education, she was female, she wasn't considered “Jewish,” she was part of a hated group of “others,” she was an unmarried adult woman, she may well have been socially ostracized from the other women in her village, and compared to just about everyone she was powerless. We don't know for sure if she was socially ostracized, scholars and preachers have been deriving it for centuries from the fact that she was at the well at noon, when the women gathered to get water at dawn and dusk when it would be coolest to do so. Being at the well at noon MAY suggest that she was trying to avoid the other women, who may have been pretty mean to her.

We also don't really know her marital status or its significance. Jesus says she's been married 5 times and “the one you have now is not your husband.” The way I see it, there are two possibilities for this: one is that she is having an affair with someone else's husband and the other is that she is living with a man who she is not having sex with. However, as Jesus doesn't seem particularly INTERESTED in this fact, he just names it and moves on, we are going to as well. If she's “been married” 5 times than either she's been a widow many times, she's had men divorce her and leave her without financial recourse many times, or some combination of the two. The few facts we know suggest her life was very difficult.

She is a person on the margins in many intersecting ways. If you defined where power and privilege lived in that society and then you took its opposite, she'd be sitting in the position of its opposite. In Judah, in Jerusalem, in Jewish society, the chief priests and scribes sat in the middle of power. When Jesus interacts with those who have power and privilege he decreases their power. When Jesus interacts with those who have no power and privilege he increases their power.  He lives the verse from Isaiah (40:4) that says, “Every valley shall be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low; the uneven ground shall become level, and the rough places a plain.”

There are two other super important pieces of context that we need to review before we can look more deeply at this text. However, they're both much shorter than my first point ;) One is location. The text says that Jesus “had to go through Samaria,” but that's simply not true. Jews who were traveling from Judah to Galilee did not go through Samaria. They went around, even though it would be as convenient as driving from here to Ohio without driving in Pennsylvania. However, that's how people did it. So no one who heard the story in early times would have believed the “he had to” go through Samaria. He CHOOSE to go through Samaria. That's the sort of crazy, out of the norm, guy Jesus was. This conversation is said to happen at the well at Sychar, which means that it was near a historical location of Samaritan worship AND at a historic well dating back to Jacob (as mentioned in the story). The conversation about appropriate places to worship God is placed in a particularly apt location.

Finally, we need to remember what happens when a woman and a man meet at a well. Throughout Genesis there is a less than subtle theme whereby a meeting at the well means a marriage is about to take place. Issac's wife Rebecca is found at a well. Jacob meets Rachel at a well. By the time you've read Genesis (as the Young Adult Bible Study did last year), every time you hear “well”, you hear wedding bells. Setting up Jesus and the disempowered Samaritan woman to meet alone at a well seems to open the door for flirtation, or a romantic interlude, or the possibility of an impending marriage that would horrify everyone who heard of it. (So, it sounds like Jesus.)  

Jesus is sitting by this well, and an unnamed woman from the village comes out to draw water. Jesus initiates conversation with her by saying, “Give me a drink.” Now, this is how all the other well stories begin, so it is consistent, except for ALL the social barriers that exist between them. So she calls him out on it – she asks him, essentially, if this is really want he wants to do. By speaking to her, he is acknowledging her humanity, and breaking rules that kept unrelated men and women as well as Jews and Samaritans apart. She responses with grace, making sure is willing to take the risk involved in being seen speaking to her. This woman responds to Jesus by trying to take care of HIM, and his reputation.

Now, it is very clear throughout this interaction that the writer of the Gospel of John is interesting in making his points about who Jesus is, ad he does so by having Jesus say the things he wants said. However, we're going to take them as they're written, because we have no other source for this story. They pontificate about water, and then Jesus has his famous line about her husbands. The really interesting part starts after that. The woman doesn't argue with him, nor is she silenced by him. She doesn't apologize, actually, she doesn't even respond directly! She uses what he's said as an opening for the question that represents the BIG HUGE ELEPHANT near the well. She uses it as a transition. She says, “Ah! From what you know of me, you must be a prophet. So, then, prophet, help me understand.  My people have worshipped God on this mountain, but YOUR people say that God can only be worshipped in the Temple in Jerusalem. Are you really going to stand at the base of the mountain where we have worshipped for generations and tell me that our worship is invalid? You came here, when others don't come here. What do you mean by it?”

This, my friends, is why so many members of Congress are afraid to have Town Hall meetings, because of constituents like this woman! But Jesus is the one who helps to empower the disempowered, and he answers her as if this is the question he came hoping to hear! His answer is radical, and transformational for the faith of the Samaritans, the Jews, AND the Gentiles. He responds that God is everywhere, and can be worshipped everywhere, and that in order to connect with God one most only worship in “spirit and truth.” He throws away the power of the Temple and the chief priests, and gives it back to the people. (Almost as if this is a theme of his ;) )

Once she hears THIS answer, she starts to get seriously curious about this man who is breaking all the boundaries, and she opens the door for him to reveal his true nature. (She is the first to hear it from him.) She believes him and runs off to tell all the people who had judged and excluded her about the good news. It even leads one to wonder if the reason Jesus went to Samaria, and the reason Jesus sat alone by the well, was to find a person who could help him connect with the Samaritans. Seems reasonable, right?

She goes out and tells all of her neighbors about what Jesus said and did, and they believed her and came to him. He taught them for days! She opened up the door for Jesus to engage with people he couldn't access on his own. She's often been called the first evangelist, which means the first one to share the good news on Jesus' behalf, and I think that's fair. I also think is worth noting that she shared GOOD NEWS, and unlike those street evangelists on the streets of Hollywood, she did not attempt to frighten anyone into loving God and listening to Jesus.

It seems, as the story ends, that Jesus wasn't seeking a wife. He was seeking a partner in ministry, someone to open a door to which he didn't have a key. He was open to the one willing to do it for him, and she was willing to take great risks for him. She is presented as kind, considerate, wise, deep, and honest. What a woman!

While there are many take-aways that could be drawn from this unnamed woman, I think the way to follow Jesus in this story comes directly from Jesus. We too live in a world where the powerful keep gaining power and the powerless keep losing power. The system sustains itself without anyone even trying, and there are a lot of people trying to keep the status quo in place anyway.

To follow Jesus is to refuse that system! It is to allow those in power to lose power and those without power to gain it. It is to see those who are least like us as being most important to us. It is to argue convincingly against the authorities who would do harm, and allow ourselves to be bested by those who rarely get heard at all. To follow Jesus is to turn inside out and upside down the values of the world, and believe deeply in that each and every person is a beloved child of God. May we learn his lessons and follow his twisty example! Amen

--

Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady