#I can not wait for whatever happens next
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Okay so I just finished the latest mer episode and my only thoughts after you know sobbing was in fact the Ricky when I catch you Ricky.
Connor and heyhay are about to make me cry as much as Art and Heyhay make me sob in all the best ways I think.
My long tangent just to say Connor and heyhay your acting hurts me in the best way possible.
#mer smp#if I had a nickel for how much heyhay has made me cry i would have a lot of nickels#I can not wait for whatever happens next#back to your regularly scheduled programming#I’ll go back into the shadows now
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not sure if youve discussed drummer ava but like i think thats so perfect for her fr. get out all the energy. a reason for those fucking arms. also people who are both drummers and singers are so cool and talented fr i just love that and i think she could and would.
i agree with beatrice doing like polyphia level technical guitar its just so her overachieveing and detail oriented vibe
i am ROARING because Ava on drums would be incredible - exactly for getting all the energy out and there's something therapeutic about drums, both the act of just hitting something but also learning how to control and channel that energy, not to mention being able to listen to the empty space in order to keep time and to trust the rest of the band and have them trust her in turn - it's delicious, that is brilliant omg such a need for this now (i think i read a fic with drummer!Ava but honestly we need more. ohno. what have you done what have you done)
i can also see Beatrice going one of those explainer videos - maybe like those Wired "explain in 5 levels of difficulty" and every single one of the guests just falls in love with Beatrice, especially the 5th level who just completely nerds out along with her lololol
#i can see ava as a kid just infinitely entranced with sound in all its forms#making sounds and beats with anything and everything#busking on the street or in a subway station either by herself or with a band#ohno that's a meet-cute waiting to happen isn't it#beatrice coming back from idk maybe a shitty gig that her parents set up for her -not at all the type of music she actually wants to play#and she's feeling restless and frustrated and she hears this beat that expresses everything she's feeling#and finds ava there just in the zone#maybe she has a kit#maybe she has just idk plastic tubs but whatever it is#she's free#and beatrice envies her#longs for that feeling#and then she notices there's a sign on the floor next to ava that says#got an instrument? play with me!#and/or even got a voice? sing with me!#and beatrice has her guitar and she's like#why not. why the hell not#she still asks of course and ava of course says yes#and bea's tentative at first and ava reassures and coaxes her along#and then soon enough they're off to the races - beatrice's hands are a blur and her heart is on fire because this#*this* is what she loves about music and she hears ava laugh alongside her and she can't help but laugh as well#oh man i miss NY now#avatrice#jt answers
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first week back at school and ahhhhhh everything is a little overwhelming currently
- my living space is full of boxes i have simply not had the energy to unpack at all.... hopefully this weekend (but i have also been invited to a Social Event so WE SHALL SEE)
- this school year is going to have So Much Important Stuff happening inbetween the many weeks of practice placement
- such as The Academic Text
- AND i need to finish the big project i was supposed to have finished ages ago
- our teacher this year speaks swedish with a very thick french accent and i speak norwegian with a dialect, we really struggle to understand one another but maybe hopefully that will change over time.... please...........
- i'm stressed about Stupid Bureaucracy Stuff
- and im so so sleepytired :(((
- and it's too humid and warm for comfort :(((((
AT LEAST I HAVE CUTE SOCKS
purchased in a distraught jetlag haze and subsidized by my travel insurance. they're my favourites now
#swedenquest#everything happens so much :(((#but i will be okay...!!!!!!!! no unsolicited advice please#in fact i have been given resources for metacognitive therapy to fight my brain demons and im excited to get more into that#but also how am i supposed to read anything under these circumstances.#tomorrow is self study day and if i wasn't so stressed about Big Project I would've made myself stay at home and rest/unpack#ill simply have to compromise. sleep a little bit longer; couple hours of tinkering at school#take it easy but take it!!!!#also god i was first out to have kitchen cleaning responsibilities this week#which isnt Hard u just need to run the break room dishwasher and take out the trash BUT#the trash bags are the worst quality trash bags i have ever encountered. they tore at my touch.#i tried so hard to remove the trash from the trash cans in a neat and professional manner but it all kept falling apart#and next thing you know there's coffee grounds all over the floor and everyone looks at you with pity#i got some help but it was so stressful and Bad#and there's someone in the 2nd year who keeps emptying the dishwasher even tho it's not their turn and I WOULD DO IT IF U WAITED FIVE MINUT#they did this all the time last year too and it's like. i get that they're stressed out by dishes in the sink or whatever i really do get i#but it's really messing with the system and like... teaching everyone else to not contribute??? because they don't even get to??#AND i lost at minigolf with like 20 more points than everyone at my team#which i genuinely wouldn't mind except i dragged the average score down so bad we could never have won anything#FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL GOING FINE
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related to the last thing I reblogged
I need phoenix and edgeworth to both have an actually dedicated trained paralegal each
entirely so that they can call each other to schedule M&Cs and other meetings and the paralegals can sigh in commiseration with each other as they try to wrangle the Attorneys
#look I'm just saying#it would be so on brand for phoenix to have his paralegal call edgeworth's and the two gossip over whatever drama is happening#and then edgeworth's paralegal has to regretfully inform phoenix's that Prosecutor Edgeworth is in fact unavailable for the next three week#and he expressly said “I don't care if he's my husband he can wait like everyone else"
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Checked my old med records re: transition dates bc today's Pl/Pa appt is probably going to be a fucking doozy where I anticipate being quizzed on my transition thus far and future goals for it
And double checked the year to find out A. my memory is shit and I was off a year but also B:
Next year will be my 5 year anniversary on T!!
#text post#getting ready ahead of time for the appt rn and am just a bit stoned to make sure the anxiety doesn't annihilate me lmao#I'm so glad Housemate is coming with to help me out as needed during the appt#like. if they drop me as a patient after this at least I'll have a witness to how they've been acting/the results of it#bc I've never once been believed at the start abt issues I have w/medical providers#only after it's gotten worse#and I'll have someone to help me navigate both hitting the grocery store after the appt w/out breaking down & also in plans#to call the new office and explain what happened (if it does tho i'm hoping they'll just wait it out w/me until Oct for my new clinic appt)#and hope they can help keep me on T and my lamotrigine until my first visit w/them (tho I'm already on their waitlist too)#I still have so much admiration for PlPa but my god. this has been a fucking nightmare in the end for me#and has heightened parts of my dysphoria and made me more anxious and frustrated at being misgendered#which still happens unfortunately often but like. no one is gonna apologise so I just roll with it#and I really didn't need that on top of adjusting to a move across the country#but it's whatever bc i'll get thru this appt see the new doc eventually and things will be more stable w/my care#and in the meantime I can think abt anniversary celebration ideas for next year
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Can't wait for tomorrow for my favourite creators to have a great time making me cry!!!!
#cellbit lives for angst hes gonna have a great time whatever happens tomorrow#MY FAVS ARE TOO GOOD AT ACTING WHAT DO I DO#unless ofc they really do just move the teams around - but then i can just wait and reuse this post in the next inevitable angst dump :)#but seriously way too many of my lil minecraft sillies tear my hear out on a fairly regular basis#prepare the tissues boyssss#qsmp#qsmp lore#qsmp purgatory
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kind of crazy how everything just Happens to me. like i dont really have any major specific regrets beyond just 'i wish i lived more' but even that in hindsight was kind of contingent on factors beyond my own abilities, but idk its somehow worse this way. i think i would feel less angry and adrift if id done things that landed me where i am, or i dunno just had any say in it instead of just being fuckin tossed around year after year
#boo idk its just frustrating to constantly be like. oh. well i guess this is happening now. ok.#and just having to wait until the next thing#i mean i know from another angle this is very like. woe is me guy who doesnt ever take agency#but can we be honest its not that simple in the real world lol#anyway whatever the point is i was just thinking about the past few years and i really dont regret my major choices where i had them#unrelated but AUGH i fucking hate how im like. in such a good place w my body image#(after decades of the classic dysmorphia hatred etc etc) but theres just TWO things i cant get on board with#idk its just so frustratinggggggggggggg. i guess ill just blow up#i have this totally irrational thought pattern of like. well im not even striving for conventional attractive bs right#im not skinny or modelesque or white and i dont want to be any of those things i like how i am#so i should get to change these two aspects i dislike as freebies. like i can convert being beyond status quo into bodymod points or smth ?#girl what are you talking about 😭
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well it’s officially ponyboy seat day 🥹 *breaks down into uncontrollable sobs*
#i have been waiting for this since june#i’ve daydreamed about this for even longer#but tonight i’ll be sitting next to the loml#i’ll get to say hi to him & maybe even have a little conversation with him too#(though i’ll let him decide if he’s in a talkative mood & respect whatever he chooses)#but even still#he’s going to look straight into my eyes#and i’ll be doing all that i can to not break down#the fact that this is an actual real life thing i get to seriously think about happening#& it’s happening in about 17 *hours*#wtf is life#me: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i’m so excited beyond explanation & also in complete & utter disbelief#holy fuck#not kpop#theatre 🎭#stay gold 💛✨#b <3
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this is a formal apology for every time i've read ur fnaf theories, gone "ah... of course! yes!" and then forgotten to respond
This is a formal apology for every time I've read one of your asks, not immediately had a TQ&/E, and forgotten to respond
#The box can wait my questions that need to be answered are why there is already a body in a Fredbear suit before the Bite#and what can 'I will put you back together' mean solely within those four games#like yeah it's robot kids but it wasn't then#that isn't 'four games; one story' that's using the next game in the series to elaborate on the previous one#(and the then new addition of books)#also what the hell was Fnaf World on about but I think I'm the only person that's thought about Fnaf World in years#yeah yeah Happiest day it's about CC I got that WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PLAYER WAS ONLY CREATED FOR THIS PURPOSE!!!#Okay yeah that's probably just an explanation for why the game exists but what the fuck is glitchy Fredbear#and why do *we* need to be told to rest#It's fucking important that they're clocks goddamnit#As of the Halloween update the story of Fnaf 4 still remained 'completely hidden'#So (I think) what Sister Location (AND THE SILVER EYES) tells us about it is the version of Fnaf 4 that the version of it that the communit#''''would accept''''#But the pieces didn't vanish into thin air after the custom night update for sister location dropped#And I think their being put together is reliant on the constant separation put between the GF kid and the rest of the MCI#And the body in the parts and service room#Could not tell you what CC saw though since I should hope that that kid's body hasn't been there for weeks#When I was talking about 'what if this isn't the first time CC had died' I mean basically dream theory with extra steps#I don't think I'm right but in literally every part of this franchise what is hammered in over an over is going into memories#and setting past events right to rest their soul#Happiest Day + Into the Pit being the biggest examples#And tangentially spirits not being fully anchored or aware after death#and reminding them of what happened to them involving crayon drawings and/or being shown their body#(The Fourth closet + Coming Home + the movie)#(and maybe Give Gifts Give Life....? it'd be stretchy)#Regardless of whether the Fnaf 4 gameplay and minigames are CC reliving the events leading to his death over and over as a wandering spirit#or pre-mortem nightmares or the effects of sound illusion disc gas on Micheal(/CC?) or any combination of the three or whatever else#I don't think the Crying Child's spirit was settled and aware until Happiest Day#(that being the first and only time a spirit is shown wearing a Fredbear mask and the kid has to put it on while the other four are already#And if for some godforsaken reason I am right about nightmare spirit journey Fnaf 4 then post Silver Eyes/Fourth Closet
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do you ever apply to so many jobs. in your hometown and in your mom's hometown. that you forget what you have applied for. and now you have an interview for a job in your mom's hometown. but you can't actually BE there bc you're in your hometown. yeah. that's my life
#HELP WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO#she was like. can you be here tomorrow at 9 am. and i was like suuuureee <333#i told her yes..... and like 5 minutes later i UNDERSTOOD.#WHY AM I SO SILLY.#is this karma for something#SKFHSKF WAIT ALSO THE SAME HAPPENED W A JOB OFFER IN ATHENS. GIRL YOU ARE NOT LIVING THERE SO WHY DID YOU APPLY#then again. i am probably gonna do my masters there next semester so i was like whatever just apply and we'll see. ANYWAY#now i have to call the other one and make up a lie#bc i cant just tell her. yk what i forgot i applied for the position. and i thought you were in MY TOWN#im gonna scream#WHY
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#i know there's only 10 episodes this season#but i feel like this could go both ways - either we get bi buck dating tommy and eddie is the supportive straight bff#or we get bi buck dating tommy and eddie being jealous not knowing why and then he figures it out but doesn't tell buck#and then we have to wait next season for revelations love confessions and buddie 👀#a girl can dream i guess lol#or maybe it'll be the former with supportive straight bff and we get the repressed gay arc next season 👀 (if it ever happens)#i suppose it'll also depend on how the audience reacts to bi buck and only then will tim decide if he wants to write repressed gay eddie#bc if the audience doesn't like it then he'll probably keep buck with tommy but we won't see tommy much and eddie will stay straight lol#or he could even make buck fall in love with a woman again since he's bi lol so ppl get bi buck and the homophobes are happy too#anyway we'll see lol whatever happens I'm excited!#tagging this as#911 spec#to get back to it later and see if i was right or not lol#(updating this to add that if they make buddie happen they could have maddie tell buck she thought his bi awakening would happen with eddie+#+and so buck thinks a lot about why she said this and obviously he figures it out lol. that'd be a nice parallel to her+#+saying he has a crush a few seasons ago)
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the first sex scene with fane is so much funnier as an undead instead of him feeling weird about that thing the godwoken does with their tongue he feels weird about what the godwoken did with their tibia
#divinity original sin 2#the game sometimes misses out on remembering your character is undead#and treats it like you've got a regular character#but sometimes its fucking gold mines like these moments#ah the yuthul gor split its one of your inventive tricks#it probably sounded horrific just two skeletons uh......boning#for lack of a better word tbh#so disappointed i let fane down this was for science#well multiple tests must happen of course that's how it works for scientific results#wait until he finds out what the godwoken can do with her cervical#like shucking an oyster never fails to crack me up#im getting very mixed messages from fane#he doesn't have the desire to touch you or even talk to you#but suggest a mating ritual and he's all too eager#ifan and the red prince just standing there like fine whatever#its rivellon anything goes#i absolutely have to play as fane next time just to see what happens
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Okay fine, I'll try to set my kofi up properly eeerrrrr....... head in hands how do you actually do this tho yall ppl strong cuz am slowly dying here
#aria rants#the desire to do everything for free cuz i just love making things for ppl vs the desire to just get enough to buy isat#vs the strong self-doubt that whatever i make isnt actually worth the money of which im perfectly fine with cuz i love#making things for free anyway but also there's isat and also how tf do these ppl manage comms anyway like the whole#setup of: here's the services im willing to do for this price! like how. im not built for this why did i do this#for one thing the only skill im confident with is writing. art aint. i dont even have a proper drawn piece to put in this thing#and also like oiouououoghghg maybe i should just wait. im built for waiting actually like i dont mind that too#i waited years till i could get omori btw cuz i couldnt get enough money during the first few sales it had#so i kept waiting for other sales cuz also i was like unsure of buying it at full price#isat youre next actually. as you can see im not built for money im built for the patience (its what happens when f2p on gacha games tbh)
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they r literally the worst.
#this convo makes me so crazy for them but i am like. so so brain fogged rn i cannot tag ramble abt it properly lol#bc the whole ‘it’s hard not to with you’ thing is 100% genuine i think#i do feel like at this point they do Like each other. he actively Wants to spend time with them now bc they’re fun! they make this fun!#he can pretend none of the usual guilt and disgust is there bc they’re in on the game too and they’re both just playing#and he’s found this little game is so much more fun when they both know the rules#he just has to not think about what it means and not let it go any further#maybe they don’t Need to fall for it exactly as long as they keep playing along but he most certainly Cannot fall for them#(it’s already too late. it was too late before it ever began.)#i will also say like i think there are at least a Few more days in between the goblin party and this. bc technically this is my next long#rest after the party lol#the whole timeline of act 1/2 esp is way elongated in my mind bc otherwise all these astarion convos happen Way too close together r#wait this is the second one after the party i think. whatever. still too close#漫言#oc. xarrai#z plays bg3#r. hold me like a knife
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I'm so tired of reading the manga-only jjk discussion threads where people complain about them not animating smth from the manga. Bcs my god, every single time you just gotta wait till the next week's ep and undoubtedly, that thing will be at the beginning of the ep. Like every single time. No patience 😭 no appreciation for dramatic effect 😭
#every single fucking time i swear to god#'they didnt do this!!!' and then you wait a week and guess what. they do the thing.#its called dramatic effect 😭 they wanna end the episode on a cliff hanger/dramtic moment#so then when you get the next ep the reveal of whatever the big moment is feels a lot bigger#a lot of the things that they do this way end up being way better utilized at the beginning of the ep rather than the end#like i dont get how people can watch this same thing happen over and over ahain#and still whine about it in the discussion thread 😭#at this point shouldnt it just be 'aah!! cant wait to see how they portray [insert moment] at the start of the next ep!!'#instead of accusing them of leaving it out when every single time it has the same format and layout#its just getting so annoying to me to read the same complaints over and over again#and the complaints not being valid bcs as i said. just wait another wk#jjk#catie.rambling.txt
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...
#guess who fucking fried 3 very fucking expensive machines today. me. i did#bc a fucking cabled decided to burn out and there was only one little symptom so i switched out the sensor head and inadvertently fried#another instrument. then when i was wait. hang on wtf happened here? and i was trouble shooting. i fried another one. so im down to one#machine. fucking holy christ. one mother fucking cable. a problem i cant fucking control and then i just fucking spred the problem#god dammit. which means i either have to do 20 additional days or we cut the number of reps to 7 or 8#and because of this. ive Disrupted the plans of 4 different labs bc it takes at least 3 months for them to do calibration#ugh. i was so angry. whatever. its fine. these things happen in labs and u kinda just have to deal with it. i dont really feel bad on a#personal level bc ive been working with these things for like 4 years and if i mishandled the problem something was pretty fucked up#bc ive fixed a lot of fucking problems on those machines. bleh. and as im like simmering with rage my family is texting eachother like#yayyy vacation soon ☺️#ugh. its just so frustrating bc i onlu had like 7 days left and i could have got thru all 10 reps. its gonna b maddening on one machine#ans ill have to do more when i fucking get back from vacation when i want it fucking done now but whatever ive bought#my fucking plane tickets and i leave in less than 2 weeks. plus ill get to spend at least one day at home#god im gonna be such a fucking bummer tho. im gonna get of the plane and my fam will b like how r u? and im gonna b like not fucking great#i am barely a functional person and im sure ill b so stressed abt thr fact i have to come back here that ill b on edge the whole time bc#thsts what happened over winter break. whatever. next weekend ill b fucking outta here for like 11 days#and just a few more months until i can leave for good. never walk into thst fucking building again. not that i have anything ready for thst#move. bc again. im barely a functional person#god. now i have to fucking ask for thr stupid bottom of the chamber for this last machine. i swear to christ if i have to fucking drive#down to [redacted] i fucking dont even kno#unrelated
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